#did you know that if you go over colored pencil with oil paint it mixes quite nicely to give you a range of subtle pigmentation?

[cl-gayry]

Alecto awakens.

(Oil and colored pencil on paper)

[binniesthighs]

hello stranger | reader x changbin |

a/n: hehe hello cuties, before i get to the chapter, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the support and lovely messages you that you sent to me for the last chapter. as I said, it was one that was super personal to me and for it to be so relatable and emotional for you all makes my heart feel so, so full. these themes are going to continue, so please read the warnings cuties. as always, thank you so very much for reading my stories <3 

Part 6 

Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, female reader x han jisung 

Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, smut, angst 

Tags: (of this part) college au, rapper!changbin, rapper!jisung, establishedfwb!jisung, artist!reader, skz side characters, bestfriend!chan, bestfriend!felix, roommate!minho, explicit language, HARD fluff to HARD angst, some sensual-azz fuckin’ (muhaha), unprotected sex (stay safe cuties!), lil bit of breath play, nipple play (f), cumshot, mentions of food, changbin has a cute butt (that’s the tweet) 

CWs: aftereffects of traumatic experiences, mentions of past toxic relationship, self sabotaging tendencies 

Word count: 6.6k (remember when i said i wasn’t gonna write long chapters? wellllll...ooP)  

Chapters 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7

When you were back in high school, before you knew a thing about what love was, your Art teacher had given you an assignment: what do you think that love looks like? At first, all you had really known love to be was the kind that you shared with your friends and your parents, and maybe with your family dog. You had read about love in your favorite books and seen it in your favorite movies, but you had never really considered what it looked like. Obviously, the assignment was all up for you to decide, but there being a million and one things that you considered love to be, to put it to paper with your own hand was something different entirely. 

At first, when you thought of love, you thought of the typical: hearts, hugs, the colors red and pink. But, this was too simple. 

“What are you drawing?” You had sneakily whispered to your classmate. 

She shrugged, and continued scratching away at her sketchbook. You had peeked to see what she was putting together, and for her, she had started to draw what looked like a house on the edge of a lake. The house was in the middle of nowhere and it was surrounded by trees of all different kinds and there was a single bench that sat at the edge of the water. 

You figured, love can be a place, so you started drawing that. 

Your pencil swiped over the paper in strokes big and small, and the lead rubbed off on the side of your pinky as you outlined the corners of your apartment building. 

You thought, I love the people who live here, therefore, this must be love. 

It made sense. People and places could make up love. 

When you turned in your drawing of your apartment building you were surprised to see the variety of other paintings and drawings that the other students had turned in. One student had turned in a whole piece that had been drawn with oil pastel. It was a jumbling of colors: mostly red, as you had expected, but it also held streaks of gold, black and teal. You remember your teacher really liking that one. 

Today, if you would’ve gotten that assignment, it would’ve been completely different. 

It was a sunny afternoon when you sat at your easel with your pencil in hand. Drawing out the mere outline and rough draft, tears welled in your eyes. A long time ago you had promised yourself that if your art didn’t mean anything, what even was it?

The sun filled your room in the golden hour of the day best it could from your frosted glass window. The warmth that the rays held made your whole body swell with a warmth, and it gave your shaking arms the power to keep going. 

You brushed lightly over the rough canvas with your pencil, tracing out the lines as if they were the very memories that you had kept painted in your mind. 

You drew a snowy night, not much unlike the ones that you had been seeing recently. You drew an empty alley, not lit by much light. You drew the way that the oil slicked in potholes mixed with the snow. You planned out the way that the industry of the city lit his back as he stared out into that dark expanse where you knew that darker figures were hiding. You drew him. You drew him on that exact same night that you had fist seen him: a dark outline, who would become full of color. 

╚ ——————————————— ╝

“What’s that?” 

Changbin pointed to your easel with a sheet draped over it. 

“A surprise.” You answered. “I know that I’m not good with surprises, but, are you?” 

“I don’t mind them.” He chuckled. “For me?” 

“Mmhm. Its not ready yet so you’ll have to wait.” 

“I’m fine with waiting.” He sighed out. 

You nuzzled closer into his bare chest, right up to his heartbeat. Both of you were admittedly a bit dewy in your sweaty afterglow, but this was of no concern to you. These past few days, this had been your preferred way to drift off to sleep. Even on the occasional times when the both of you would be too busy to make the time, when you finally could see him, it was everything to you. In his large and muscled arms, there was no place else where you had felt safer. You too wrapped your whole being around him with a feeling so close it must’ve been unreal. If you could hear the muffled little rhythm of his heartbeat, you were sure that he could hear yours. 

“Soon, all this snow is gonna melt, and then I can take you to loads of other places. I’m just getting started.” Changbin’s airy breath tickled your scalp. 

“Really? Taking me to all the usual places?” You mocked. 

“No.” He said seriously. “I want to take you to places I haven’t taken anyone before. My secret places. I...you know...wouldn’t mind if you could draw them for me either.” 

You giggled, “Ever heard of taking a picture?” 

“Hey! It’s not the same.” 

“Fineee. Okay, okay. I’ll draw them for you.” Your fingertips traced down the muscles of his back. “Maybe I should start charging if you’re gonna keep being like this.” 

“You don’t do pro-bono?” He ran along with your joke. 

“If you ask nicely, maybe I’ll consider it.” 

He tsked, “Could you please draw for me?” 

You masked another adoring chuckle. “I do like it when you say please.” 

Everything about the one moment felt so sickly sweet, it was like you must’ve dreamt it up. In between the swaddling of sheets, you tried your best to enjoy the one moment: it was just enough to keep the doubtful whispers away. After all that he had done, said, all the pain that he had kissed away, or compliments he had hushed into your ear, the creeping feeling that you hardly deserved it all would rear it’s head time and again, even when you didn’t expect it to.

The two of you were quiet for a moment as you fell into the serenity of just existing together. After a while, you would narrow your focus best on the way that his breaths would rise and fall and the way this his body heat would melt into yours under the mess of sheets that neither of you bothered to fix. He would use his thumb to rub reassuring little strokes into the back of your neck where he had you. 

Your hand would fall down his arm, all the way down this wrist where his scar lived. Ever since you had noticed it, you couldn’t stop looking at it. Every time that you did, you were given a tangible reminder of everything that he had been, and was, to you. You rose the uneven skin to your lips to gift a little kiss to it. 

Changbin tried his best to hide his giddy smirk at the action. 

“Do you have to leave tonight?” You settled his arm around you once more. 

“No. Not tonight. But, for the next few days I don’t think I’ll be able to. They put me on the matinee shifts at the theater. I fucking hate those. No one comes in at all so it’s like I’m just sitting there.” 

“Wanna sneak me in some time this week? I should have a break.” 

“I would but...I’d prefer to keep that job. As much as I hate it.” 

“We could do something this Thursday? You aren’t busy on Thursdays as much right?” 

“Ahhhh I think so.” Changbin rolled the two of you over, allowing himself to lean over top of you. With a sly smirk he lowered his voice to say, “You know, my ribs really aren’t hurting as much any more.” 

“Oooh? Good to know.” You ruffled his curly strands. 

“I’m trying to say that I can go for another round if you would like to?” He bowed his head to kiss lightly into your neck and the fading love bites that he had put there himself. 

Your eyes wandered to your clock telling you that it was nearly 2 in the morning. If you had better judgement, you would’ve said no. But, these days, judgement wasn’t something that you took too seriously. 

He kissed down deeper, and pulled at your skin just in the way that he knew you liked it. Changbin knew the ins and outs of you perfectly, as well as exactly what to do send you quivering under him. All he had to do was press his body into yours so you could feel his weight, and it made you fold just for him. He followed his kisses up your jaw where he then lead them into your bottom lip and over every angle that your mouth would crave him. He often didn’t mean to do it intentionally, but between your parted mouths, his tongue would sneakily find yours, and he would slowly slide it against yours. 

“Do you want to?” He muttered between kisses. 

Under the covers, his hand cascaded down your side in a way that tickled slightly, but also made you shiver. 

He broke from his kiss to hold your eyes seriously. “We don’t have to.” 

“No, I want to.” You reached up to hold his sleepy and puffy face in your hands. 

Changbin said nothing more, but instead returned to weaving kisses back down your neck. Under your waist, you felt him angle up your hips higher and the heat of his tip teased at your entrance still slick with your arousal from before, and now renewed. He bowed his head down to your chest to pump himself with a few muffled grunts. After, he rose his head to hold your eyes with his own. The muscles on his arms flared where he held himself up, and those adorable little stretch marks in the corners of his arms moved with them. 

“God, you’re so beautiful.” 

You melted under his compliment. No matter who many times he had said it, you still weren’t use to it. 

“So are youuuu.” You said with a dreamy tone. One other thing that you had figured out about him was that returning such comments to him made him a flustered mess. It was utterly adorable for someone as stoic as him at times. 

“Psh.” He scoffed, then lowered his voice once again. “Beautiful how I fill you up sweetheart?” Changbin angled your waist up higher, then spread your thighs, finally pushing them into your body to tighten you. He aligned himself over you, then pushed himself in agonizingly slow. “Beautiful how I can fuck you so deep? How I can m-make you...” 

He had given up on talking, but rather thrust himself further into you with his shaking breaths and little “mmm��s” getting caught on his tongue. 

“B-Bin...fuck, f-feels s-so good--”

He pushed your legs up closer to your body, allowing himself greater access to graze your g-spot. Your busy fingers found their way around his back to claw all the way down. He still relished in taking his time with you, and would never rush fucking you--it was as if he had all the time in the world to unravel you. You returned around him, tightening has he fucked in and out with his own pace. After a while of doing the same, his hand crept around your neck to give you a couple choking squeezes that made you whimper out like a kitten. He would never keep it going for long however, but rather indulged himself in the way that your gasps would remind him of how good it all felt. After, Changbin dipped his thumb into your mouth to run the pad over your tongue. 

The tip of his teeth caught the skin of his lip which he bit into hard. 

“You feel so good baby. F-feels so good on my cock. It’s all for you angel.” 

An unrestrained groan escaped from your mouth as he continued and your orgasm pooled steadily. In and attempt to steady yourself you clawed back into your pillow supporting your head. 

He swiftly changed your position, taking both of his hands to turn you on your stomach. Without a pause he lead his swelling head back into your pussy where he kept on going at his favored slow pace. Your face smushed into the pillow with hips raised in the air. The fluffy fabric muffled your helpless moans. 

“Louder for me princess.” He growled. 

With one hand he arched over to tweak at your nipples with force: twisting and pulling, then he wet his hand with his own saliva to let your skin feel the cold and wet sensation. His other hand he used to reach around and rub circles into your clit. He was gentle at first, but worked your bud harder and faster. Your knees and legs shook the faster he rubbed, and you spilled your loudest and most unapologetic moans into the room that had risen in temperature. 

“Fuck...” He swore. Changbin allowed himself to quicken his pace inside of you. The action alone sent you spinning wildly into your orgasm: a tear of white hot heat that shook your whole body and turned your swollen bud into a sensitive mess under his fingers which did stop, even when when he knew that you had just cum all over them. The harder he pressed, the more wonderfully painful it felt, and you let your tears fall hot from your eyes to the sheet. You attempted to call out his name, but no words that left your mouth made sense. 

He turned your body once more, using brutish hands on your hips as he pulled you overtop of the sheets to fuck you into the bed once more with your sweating back stuck to the comforter. Your body shook with your orgasm still, and you needily brought his lips down to yours to kiss him with your thank you’s as he milked himself out in your tightening walls. 

Changbin was animalistic in the way that he finally let his hips snap over you, at last reaching his orgasm mere seconds after he had pulled out and jerked himself over you. Ribbons of his white cum came spilling out over your gasping chest and stomach and dripped lazily from his pink and flaring tip. He took in shallow inhales as he did, and kept rubbing until the very end and he had nothing more to give. Even as his hand dropped, you took his dick in your own hand to just twist lightly and ride out the last of his orgasm. He softened in your hand with eyes closed in his focus and came down. 

The combination of your lust held in the air for a few silent moments, then he collapsed back down next to you into a blushing and exhausted mess. His pink chest shook, and his soft heather eyes found you. 

“We should...probably take a shower right?” 

“Probably.” You grinned. 

Changbin leaned over to plant even more sugary sweet kisses on top of your lips. He always was one to admire his work, so he chuckled lightly seeing the way that he had properly covered you in his cum. 

“I can help you clean that off.” 

The bed shook and he rose to get you something to clean up. You wished that you could’ve moved to see him saunter around your room without a single piece of clothing on. It was no secret that he had one hell of a cute butt. 

Changbin helped you out of the bed, finding that your legs had started to shake and betray you a bit more harshly than you had intended. He ran the water for you both, inviting you in to take the task of cleaning you to himself. He took the suds in his own hands to brush them all over your body and took careful and gentle attention to the more sensitive parts of your body. He giggled a little at the way that even under the warm water, your nipples would still harden when he ghosted his fingers over them with soap. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” You scolded him. 

He took care of the little bruises on your neck and collarbones, giving them kisses under the clear stream of water as if he was healing them. After he was done, you did the same and cleaned out his hair with your shampoo. He always let out happy little groans when you would massage his scalp. He still had a couple scrapes on his face from a few weeks ago, so you kissed all of them too. 

Changbin’s favorite part was how he could mess up your hair with the towel afterword and make you look as ridiculous as possible. Of course, you would do the same. You would brush your teeth together, and dress somewhat all of the way back again. A while ago he decided keeping clothes at your place was a good idea, but you ended up wearing them more than he did. You blamed it on dirty laundry, but you really did just like the way that they would smell all tangled up in your blankets on your nights alone. 

With bare legs, you would tangle yourselves all up in eachother once more, and not even bother to look at what time it was then. 

As it had become his habit, before the two of you drifted to sleep, Changbin would kiss into your forehead “l love you. You know?” 

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Chocolatey goodness wafted up Felix’s nose, and he let out a happy little squeal. 

“~Thank youuu~” He beamed to the waitress. 

He took a careful sip not to burn his tongue, then turned his head to watch the way that the snow had started to flurry outside of the diner window. Minho flipped the pages of his book and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

“Whatcha reading?” Felix said with a little tap of his feet under the table. 

Rather than answering, Minho sighed out and closed his book. “Nothing now. If you’re gonna ask questions, then I’ll get distracted, so, nothing now.” 

“Oh. Sorry.” Felix frowned. 

Minho rolled his eyes, suddenly becoming exasperated over his new friend’s dramatic reaction. 

“It was something that I’m assigned to read for one of my classes. It’s about economics or something like that. I’m kind of just skimming; reading because I have to....” He took a sip of his coffee. “Y/n should be reading the same book considering that we are in the same class...but I haven’t even seen you with it yet.” 

You prodded at your plate of half eaten waffles. “About that...” 

“If you think that I’m gonna give you the SparkNotes you are sorely mistaken.” 

You writhed in your seat a bit like an upset toddler. “Come onnnnn, Minho, you know that I don’t have time for that, working at the library and such...”  

“--More like stealing my roommate from me. I hardly see him at our apartment anymore.” Minho made his remark with a type of snark, but knowing him, he was still just as sarcastic. 

“Yeah,” Felix piped up. “The three of us haven’t hung out in a while either!” 

“...Sorry, I’ve just been getting...caught up in things.” 

Minho cleared his throat. “I’m not saying that its a bad thing. It’s just something that I’ve noticed.” 

Felix nodded, “Me too! I’m really happy for you!! So is Chan, don’t get me wrong. We haven’t seen you so happy and like, not serious in such a long time. Really, I’m so so glad that you have someone like him for a boyfriend.” 

Your fork scratched your plate. “--Boyfriend?” 

“Yeah!” Felix beamed. “Isn’t that what he is?” 

Minho too held an expectant gaze. 

“I-I don’t think...we hadn’t really talked about what it is that we’re doing...or are.” 

“So you’re saying that he’s not your boyfriend?” Minho cocked his head in his confusion. “Well, you ask him and he’ll think that it’s a different story.” 

“H-he talks about me?” You sat up straighter. 

“Well, he hasn’t explicitly said anything, but the way that he never shuts the fuck up...” Minho suddenly became much more interested in his coffee. 

“What? You don’t want him to be your boyfriend?” Felix looked just as confused. 

In your hands, you crinkled up the napkin that you had resting on your lap. You hadn’t in fact, ever thought of such. Merely, you had thought that you loved him, and that you enjoyed being around him and that he had made you happy. Was it odd that the thought had never crossed your mind? 

“And he hasn’t said anything about it either?” Felix leaned in. To his side, Minho nudged his arm in the most non-obvious way possible. 

“...No?” 

Your heartbeat quickened in pace. 

“Af...after everything that happened back then? Didn’t you say that he like, confessed or something and you did the same? You’ve only been hanging out with eachother for weeks?” Felix pushed his cocoa away from himself to lay his hands flat on the table. 

“I...don’t think that we should press the issue.” Minho patted down the boy sitting next to him. 

It was the feeling that you had been avoiding for weeks: that kind of uncertainty and fear that you had pushed down so far after the night that it all came together, but you didn’t expect it to manifest like this. In your chest a knot tied itself together tightly and in a way that you couldn’t explain. 

“I...just like what's happening right now between us, I didn’t think that he would want--” 

Felix nudged Minho by the hip, motioning for him to let him out of his side of the booth. Minho rolled his eyes, but did so muttering, “I said we shouldn’t press the issue but here you go...” 

Felix slid over to your side of the booth, nearly shoving you up close to the wall with how near he scooched to you. Carefully, he removed the napkin that you had scrunched up into your palm. 

“Relax okay? You’re doing it again. Just calm down.” While his tone was sweet, you couldn’t help but find some condescending edge--real or not. 

“Doing what? I don’t think that I’m doing anything wrong??” 

Felix let you squeeze his hand tight, as patient as ever. 

“Do you not want him to be your boyfriend?” He repeated. “But he treats you so nicely? There’s nothing to worry about.” 

At first you were angry at yourself, angry at yourself for feeling the hot tears well up in your eyes in public, 

I’m so fucking pathetic. 

Secondly, you were furious at yourself for feeling anything less than the happiness that had made up your whole world for the past few weeks. You had worked so hard just to make something that made sense, and he made sense. Why did it have to be much more complicated than that? 

“Y/n?” Felix bowed his head down with his softening gaze. 

“F-Felix, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“I’m just trying to understand so I can help you out with this. Clearly there’s something that’s upsetting you about, I don’t know, putting a label on it? If that’s the right word--” 

Minho sucked at his teeth, “He’s too nice to say that you’re self sabotaging again. Listen, you don’t have to have the answers right now, we’re just saying you’re getting in your own way at having something that could be really great.” 

Felix shot daggers in Minho’s direction. 

“I wasn’t gonna say this, but Bin’s been going through shit right now with his family that I’m sure he isn’t telling you about. Someone tipped them off about what he’s been doing and they’re furious. He’s been telling them that no one knows that he’s tied to them when he raps but they aren’t listening. Literally when he goes to see you it’s like, what’s helping him forget all that shit. He cares about you a fuck ton, and I’ve heard about it all. He wants you to be his girlfriend. Believe me. Don’t know why he hasn’t brought it up yet, but...” 

Felix took in a shaky breath, then turned his attention back to you. “Besides all that, I think that you should at least talk to him about this all. I had no idea that you felt this way. I’m sorry for making assumptions. At least, if you and him talk about it, you can figure something out right?” 

You took at the papery and crinkled napkin and dabbed it harshly on your eyes to dry your tears before they had a chance to run further down your face. 

“Why the fuck doesn’t he tell me anything?” Your voice wavered. 

Minho folded his hands on the table. “Knowing him, he probably thinks that it would be burdening to you. Selfless dick. He thinks that putting that shit on you somehow makes him seem like a handful or some shit.” 

“B-but I don’t feel that way?” 

“Then tell him!!” Felix’s volume rose. “When you talk to him, tell him that.” 

“What the fuck is this, a drama?” Minho laughed a little. “These communication skills are god-awful.” 

“Oh fuck off Minho,” Felix rubbed your back to soothe you. “This is real life, and we’re here to help out Y/n.” 

“That’s fuck off Minho-hyung to you.” The older boy stuck out his tongue. 

You wiped your nose against your hand, then Minho threw another napkin from the holder in your direction. 

“I promise that things will get better when you talk to him.” Felix nodded. “Talking always helps.” 

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Thursday afternoon came, and the forecast had called for snow, but none had come. Rather, the atmosphere had turned to be dreary and grey the whole day long, and the temperature dropped so low that some local schools had to cancel classes for the day. Your university had decided to do the same. While you had been thankful and decided to spend the day working on your various projects, you couldn’t bring your hand to the canvas. 

All day long you had spent figuring out what it really was that you wanted to say to Changbin, and you still hadn’t figured it out yet. Even you didn’t know what it was entirely that scared you deeply. But, you knew that somewhere you did. 

Why her? 

You could do better. 

Isn’t she...boring? 

You hugged your legs to yourself as you waited on your couch. The memories seeped into your brain like some kind of poison diffusing its way. 

No, no. You’re wrong. You tried your best to banish them. 

You’re all mine. No one else’s. Don’t you ever forget that. Tell me. Who’s baby are you? 

You squeezed your eyes shut, and dug your nails into the fleshy part of your knees where you held them. 

You don’t own me. You don’t have the fucking power. 

Three knocks clicked at your door, and you knew that it was Changbin. Your chest shook with a type of anxiety that felt like prickling thorns. You rose to open the door. 

“Fuck. It’s so freezing out there.” Was the first thing that he said. “I wouldn’t mind not having to go back out there if you are?” He slung his coat over one of chairs to your two person dining table. As soon as he was undressed, you were overcome with the desire to be as close as possible as you could get to him. It had been your safe place. 

Changbin let out a little surprised noise when you launched your body at him, but he just as quickly held you back firmly. 

“Is everything okay?” 

For a moment you let his rosemary and cedarwood cast aside all the ideas and words that ate away at you. 

“Can we talk?” You mumbled. 

“Yeah, of course. Can we sit down? Get a blanket maybe?” You nodded and let him do the work of going back to your room to get back your knit blanket that he knew you liked best. He threw it over his shoulders them beckoned you to join him in his arms. You snuggled right up into his chest where he had tucked himself into the corner of the couch. “Want to talk about it now?” 

With glistening eyes you tried your best to look up at him. His cheeks were still bitten pink from the cold. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about your parents? Or about what’s going on right now?” 

Changbin sighed and bit at his lower lip in his discontent. “Minho said something didn’t he?” 

“You can tell me, you know?” 

Changbin shook his head. “It’s not your problem to worry about, so I don’t want you do.” 

“But you’re my problem to worry about. Don’t you get that?” 

He sighed once more, then rested his head atop of yours. Where he held you around your arms, he rubbed gently.  

“And if...being with me helps you...I’ll come around anytime alright? You don’t just have to come here.” 

He laughed a little. “My place isn’t as private as yours is.” 

You toyed with the fraying fabric of the blanket. “You know that I can be quiet if I need to be. Or if you just want me to sleep over, I can do that too.” 

“I don’t want you going out of your way--” 

“--I don’t mind.” You nuzzled a little deeper. “So, your parents are giving you a hard time?” 

He tsked. “Yeah. It’s just...stupid is all. They care so much about what I do and don’t do when I left so it wouldn’t bother them. They’re trying hand out some kind of threats to me like they have the right to do so....they don’t.” 

“What are you going to do?” 

Changbin helped you up a bit higher up his body so your head could rest on his shoulder. “Nothing. Keep doing what I’ve always been. No one knows except the people I have closest to me. They’re worrying over nothing.” 

You formed a “oh” with your lips. 

“But, it’s nothing to worry about. I promise.” 

Already, you had forgotten what you really had decided to talk to him about. It had slipped from your mind just as quickly as you had let it arise. The two of you grew quiet, and you let yourself become overcome with the feeling and warmth that his body and the blanket gave to you. You wondered if he would’ve gotten mad if you had fallen asleep just then. It didn’t seem like the worst idea.

“As long as we’re talking about things, do you mind if I ask you something?” Changbin asked after planting a small kiss on your forehead. 

“What’s that?” You said with a sleepy and cracking voice. 

“You...don’t have to have the answer right now, but I just thought it would be worth it to ask, since we’ve been doing you know, this, for a few weeks now. You already know how I feel about you, I think that I’ve made it pretty damn clear, but, I was thinking that we could make things exclusive between us? Like, it just becomes me and you?” 

Drip by drip, the drowsiness that had swept over your eyes dissipated. 

“Would you be up for that? I just, it seems a bit odd to me that we haven’t talked about it yet considering...well, I think that it would be easier if we knew what we were so then we could, I don’t know, plan or something like that? It’s kind of a commitment, I know, but I want you to know that I’m willing--” 

“Bin...” You pulled yourself up from his chest. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? Did-did I say something wrong?” 

Who’s baby are you? 

“You want me to...be yours?” 

“Well, not exactly, you know what I’ve said before, but, I would like you to be my girlfriend--” 

A sob clogged your throat. Now that he had finally said it, the realizations came flooding over you like the deathly winter chill. 

“Angel, are you scared again? I told you that you don’t have to with me, I swear that I don’t ever want to hurt you or anything like what happ--” 

“--Like happened what? Back when I was so fucking stupid to get myself locked up in something that I thought would be good for me? Why is it that you want me to be your girlfriend, huh? I-is it because I-I fall over for you? I can’t run away from you? Am-am I just a good fuck for you? What is it?” 

“What the fuck? Where is this coming from? Y/n, you know that I love you, I fucking love you like crazy and I don’t think any of those things!! I’m not trying to restrain you our use you or anything like that, I don’t know why the hell you would think that!” 

“B-because you might not now, but what about later down the line...when I get boring or you figure out that I’m not as exciting like I used to be or--” 

“--What?! No! That’s not gonna happen!” Changbin reached out to pull you back into his arms, but you shook him off. 

Salty tears filled the corners of your mouth. “The last time that I-I did something like this, I--” 

“--Well this isn’t last time, this is this time, okay? It’s different! I swear to God that I’m not that fucking asshole. I get that you’re scared, okay, that’s totally understandable, but I’m asking you to trust me alright? Can you trust me?” 

Part of you wanted to trust him. In fact, a much larger part of yourself wanted to trust him so bad, it hurt. But, a smaller part of you, a much smaller part of you still screamed into the abyss that he was the last person in the world that you could trust; and that voice, was much louder. 

“I want you to be my girlfriend, and I want to give you everything that I have. All my fucking time, my attention, hell, just minutes ago you said that I was your problem, can’t you be mine? Is that not allowed? I’m just...I DON’T get you!!!” Changbin growled out the tail end of his sentence and only after he had said it he realized it was much louder than he intended. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...please. I’m not mad at you.” 

Your body had weakened, so when he had reached out for you, you let yourself fall into his arms. 

“Angel, can’t you see that what I’m trying to do is the complete opposite of what you think I am? Yeah I mean, it would be nice to call you my girlfriend, but not because I’m trying to control you or anything, but because...fuck, you make me happier, made me feel like I’m less lonely in this fucking crazy-ass world. I want to be that for you and you only.” 

Poisonous thoughts. Why were they even more alluring than the antidote that you had right in front of your face? 

Your limp body mustered up the strength of push yourself off his chest. Looking into his eyes you felt numb. With all the care that he held for you, you felt as if you didn’t deserve one single ounce of it. 

Why her?  

You figured that in some parallel earth, you would’ve been able to have said yes. In that parallel earth, nothing bad would’ve ever happened, and you wouldn’t have been crouched in that alley with snow melting into your dress. You would’ve lived a normal life without pain and doubt. Maybe you would’ve met him there too, and you would’ve been able to say yes. 

“You...don’t have to have the answer right now, but can you please consider it...for me? I meant everything that I said, but I...I also can’t wait forever.” You heard his voice grow thick. “I know that if...you can’t do it, or iff you don’t know, then I can’t just make it happen. There’s not a lot else that I can do. But at least I want to try.” 

You could do better. 

“I-I think that I need to be alone...right now--tonight.” Two more hot tears fell down your cheeks with a sting like a papercut. 

“Right now?” 

“Yeah, just--there’s things that I need to think about, I don’t..I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

“No. I understand.” Changbin sniffled. 

Slowly, your two bodies seperated, and the heat from his body faded. You thought to yourself, it wasn’t yours to keep in the first place. 

You lead him quietly to the door where you watched him lace up his shoes and throw on his coat. His eyes had become puffy, as much as you figured you had looked as well. His grey eyes looked tired, just like the dreary day that you had spent all day hiding from. Still, he smiled. 

“Y/n. I know that you think that you’re hard to love. But you’re not. If you take away anything from this, I hope you know that your past doesn’t define you, and that you can have happiness after it all. I want to be that for you. If you’ll let me. Only if you’ll let me.” 

Your clogged nose made a horrible stuffed sound and you nodded. You had listened to his words, but had you heard? 

He sighed with finality, then bent down to kiss at the salty taste on your lips. 

“Call me, okay?” 

You closed the door after him, then collapsed down the door. Your pent up sobs flew out of your chest with loud and ugly sounding sobs. Each one hurt more than the last to get out. You crumbled against the wood door, and didn’t even mind the cool draft from under the crack. Your world became a blur in front of your watery eyes and your hands shook as they took your phone from your pocket. 

Words of self loathing filled your ears as you searched up the name, but it was the only one that you could think of in your blind emptiness. 

If only things could go back to the way that they were. 

╚ ——————————————— ╝

The walk to his apartment was cold, freezing even. You had worn the shoes that you had been scolded for, and the coat that provided you with barely any warmth. You knew the way to his apartment well--it was almost muscle memory by now. Streetlights passed you overhead, and finally the snow that was promised started to drift from the heavens and before you. 

Your hands cracked with the cold when you pushed the button to his intercom, and he buzzed you in without saying a word. You showed yourself up the staircase with empty sounding footsteps echoing against the walls. Your eyes had welled with tears once you reached his floor, but you blinked them away harshly. It was a futile attempt considering that he would see how red your eyes had become. 

His door was cracked with old paint, and the number had been scratched off with age. You knocked one time, no more than that. Somewhere a tiny voice had hoped that he wouldn’t hear the knock at all, and figure that you hadn’t even come up, and that you could quietly slip back away. 

But he didn’t. He must’ve been waiting. 

He too looked to be a mess: his cheeks and eyes had puffed up and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. He wore minimal clothing that hung loosely on his frame. 

“--Jisung--” 

Before you could say any more, he had leapt into you, and wrapped his arms around you so tightly that he could’ve rid you of all your breath. 

“Baby, thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much. I’m sorry how I acted at the concert. I just missed you so much....I missed you so much.” 

[volleychumps]

Hey there! I just discovered ur blog n im all over it sjdhsjdj ANYWAYS can i PLEASSEEE get a scenario where Tsukishima's FEMcrush is like painting something for class or festival or whatever n it's cold outside n she's cutely sneezing and tsukki notices and flops his jacket onto her lap or smth? TYSM I LUV U

Color. (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

-------------------------------------------

“What do you mean you’re not gonna come tonight?!” 

“Suna, mind yelling a little louder? My ringing ears failed to hear you the first time.” 

“Answer my question, sassypants.” 

You hum a little bit, doodling on the corner of your paper with the flattened edge of your pencil lead as you broke the news to your overdramatic friend, shrugging your shoulders up and down. 

“I’ll still be here tonight, just-” 

“Not at the festival.”

You grin a little sheepishly before nodding, your friend backing down and sighing at the cancelled plans as your head fills with the mix of paints and oils you were planning to use on the canvas-

not noticing the pair of hazel eyes that darted to you and back down at his playlist, Tsukishima Kei also retaining the information of the now cancelled plans. 

-------------------------------------------------

The icy air stung as students huddled amongst one another for warmth as the various groups of people moved around the festival, attracted to the heat of the food stalls and games-

and Tsukishima Kei would honestly rather be anywhere else but here. 

“Eh? What do you mean we can’t toss the volleyball here-?” 

“Hinata, do not.” 

“Listen to Daichi, you imbecile.” 

“Jokes on you, I don’t even know what that word means-” 

“Kageyama, you just used that word because Oikawa called you that the other day-” 

“Doesn’t mean I can’t use it.”

“Tanaka, look!!! Yukatas!”

Tsukishima scoffs at the stupidity amongst his fellow team members, drowning out what the talkative Yamaguchi was droning on and on about as his gaze remains lifted slightly towards the windows of the school. Hazel eyes widened.

“Tsukki, what are you looking at?” 

“I uh...bathroom. If I feel like it, I’ll catch up.” 

The blonde turned on his heel with hesitation in mind, just what was he gonna do when he got there? Talk to you? As if. 

His feet brought him to the art room, the sliding door being left open a crack as Tsukishima pauses, hearing your soft humming through the door as the small view allows him to see a pair of paint-stained hands mixing colors on a pallete. 

The blonde opens the rest of the door quietly, hearing you sneeze a little before pausing. 

Just why the hell did he find your sneezes cute? Isn’t that creepy? 

As Tsukishima takes quiet steps into the classroom towards your seated figure in front of the canvas, the tall blonde notices the slight shiver of your shoulders, the yukata on your figure draping over your body delicately as your hair remained tied up in a knot, exposing your skin to the icy air. 

Realizing you hadn’t noticed him yet due to your engrossed attitude towards your painting, he scoffs as he breaks the silence, shoving his own jacket off to quite literally drop it into your lap after doing so, almost immediately going to shut the half-opened window in a rush of adrenaline. Tsukishima slips his hands from his pockets as he looks out the window, ignoring the heart beat in his ears and heat in his cheeks. 

“Shit! You scared me...Tsukishima?” 

You blink at the familiar height and bright head of hair, sneezing again before observing the warm material in your lap. 

“Is this...?” 

“Wear it. I don’t need it.” 

At your lack of movement from his peripheral view, the blonde clicks his tongue in a fit of embarrassment. “It’s cold. What do you think you’re doing in the middle of winter? Are you dumb? Deaf? Or both?” 

He takes wide steps towards the exit of the classroom before your laugh stops him. The blonde turns to see you slipping his jacket on, resuming your painting after shooting him a bright grin. 

“Neither, thanks for asking. Want to see what I’m working on before the fireworks show?” 

Tsukishima swallows. “I don’t like fireworks.” 

At your visible sulk, the blonde pulls up a seat next to you in front of your canvas, taking you by surprise as he rests his chin on his clenched fist. “I suppose seeing the colors on your canvas is okay.” 

You bite back a smile as Tsukishima examines your smeared pallete, watching your brushes stroke the canvas as a slender hand brushes more hair out of your face before he realizes it. You pause your movement at the action, Tsukishima retracting his hand back with a shrug. 

“You’ll get paint in your hair.”

“Like how I got paint on your jacket?”  

“Oh I know. You’re buying me a new one.” 

“Did the Tsukishima Kei just ask me on a date?” 

“Bold. If I said I were, would you say yes?” 

“How about you ask me first?” 

At your cheeky smile, Tsukishima scoffs as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, smirking a tad bit at your quick comebacks before giving in. 

“Then come with me to buy a new jacket?” 

“As friends?” 

“No. You really are deaf, huh?” 

The laughter in your throat and the quirked lips of the usual cynical boy made for an atmosphere that undermined the once unbearable icy air, bright sparks in both the sky and between the unexpected pair in the empty room, Tsukishima Kei never being witness to so much color in his life. 

[princecharmingmendes]

His Hoodie | Raul Mendes

"Raul is still insecure when it comes to asking his girlfriend about some stuff, like cuddles and wearing his clothes, and he's pretty sure he's sneaky about it, until he isn't”

Hello my loves, this was supposed to be a blurb or something like it, but I can't seem to be able to write something short and I accidentally turned this into a one shot. This is just me being 100% sure Raul's baby and shy about relationships, with the push from one and only @sinceweremutual, who's just as obsessed with Raul as me. Hope you like it!

*Word Count: 4.5k+.

*Warnings: maybe a few curse words, and I guess that's it. Just overwhelmingly fluff. 

*Posted: July 13th, 2020.

                                                     -*-

Raul Mendes is a very busy guy. Even though Shawn’s the rockstar that’s constantly traveling around the world and stuff, he still manages to get involved in a serious relationship. Raul’s never been the type to be open about his feelings, so in his entire life he’s had one girlfriend that he took home to meet his parents. And with work things only got worse. Being a pediatric surgeon meant waking up in unholy hours to go to shifts or because he’s being called in on an emergency. So to say relationships were not his forte or priority was the most accurate thing ever. Sure, he had his flings here and there, always a very attentive person, but still was a bit afraid of having someone and not being present enough or having to put his job first. So when he told his parents he was going out with someone was a big thing.

First of all, Raul’s really private about his love life, even with his parents, just opens up with his brothers, specially Peter who’s a very great listener and great with advice. And the second reason everyone was a bit surprised is that since he always claimed he didn’t have time to be with someone, suddenly he was going out on dates a few times a week and even took her dog to the doctor when she was busy with work. And obviously, everyone was over the moon when he decided to bring her home for dinner, and it was pretty clear why he was so fond of her. And to say everyone adored Y/N was and understatement. They both had met in a art supply store a few months ago. And even though it was a bit cliche, every time someone asked both of them how you two met, a grin threatened to show on his face and his arm skipped a beat.

He was in a rush, just trying to find the color he needed to finish a painting, which was his favorite hobby to slow down from his intense work, and she was completely lost looking around like she had no idea where she was. Normally he wouldn’t even notice, but something about her in a pretty sunflower printed summer dress, jean jacket and white converse caught his attention. He felt almost itchy to offer you some help, but he didn’t work here and he didn’t want to come out as a creep, so he ignored his need to talk to her and went on through the walls of paint to find the perfect blue shade, until he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned around only to face her heavenly features and a blush raising in her cheeks.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but I can’t seem to find someone to help and I just wanted to know where can I find watercolor brushes, do you happen to know where they are?” The girl in the pretty dress offered him a sweet smile.

“Oh, it’s okay, you’re not a bother, what kind of watercolor brushes you’re looking for?”

“Oh God, there are types of those?!” she sounded pretty much defeated, letting out a sigh and he couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“What do you have in mind to paint with those?”

“It’s not even for me! I can’t draw a basic heart shape for dear life, I’m here to buy the supplies for someone, but he forgot to mention the details about it and I don’t know anything about art rather than history and which work I find pretty or not”

“It’s all about practice, honey” the pet name slipped of his tongue before he could hold back but she didn’t seem alarmed or weirded out by it, just blushed a bit harder and shook her head.

“I can guarantee you I’m a lost cause”

“I doubt that, but about the supplies, did he give you a list or something?”

“Oh, yeah!” she replied reaching into the inner pocket of her jacket for a little piece of paper with a delicate handwriting on it “I wrote it down in here”

“I think I might be able to help if you want” Raul offered doing a once over the little list.

“Oh please, this would be perfect”

“Okay, so what did your pick up already?”

“Hm, a few types of paper and some pencils” she gave him her little basket “Here!”

“Oh, okay, so we have to find the brushes and the paint” he said and she nodded, following him around the store like a lost puppy “here are the paints he requested, we just have to find the shades”

And with that they started going through the little numbers on the little containers and talk about random stuff. Raul never had so much fun looking through shades of paint with anyone before. She was just funny and pleasant to talk with, not to mention effortlessly beautiful.

“Now the brushes?”

“Yeah, they’re over here, I’d recommend this ones here for the sort of thing you told he’s trying to do, maybe from this sizes” Raul said picking them up.

“Oh, fine”

“Anything else?”

“I guess this is it! Thank you so much, I’d probably have spent the whole day trying to figure this whole thing out alone”

“It’s my pleasure to help, no need to thank me, next time you know where the stuff are”

“Trust me, there won’t be next time, Nick can come here by himself, if it weren’t for you I’d be screwed”

“Well, at least your boyfriend won’t be needing to come back so soon with everything you’re taking”

“Nick’s not my boyfriend” she said chuckling “he’s just a lazy ass friend and I needed to come here to pick up some stuff for work”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”

“No, you didn’t do it at all, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name”

“Raul”

“Oh, well, thank you, Raul, I’m Y/N”

“It’s a beautiful name” Raul said and she smiled at him, blushing lightly.

“Thank you, I’m sorry for bothering you, do you need any help?”

“It’s okay, and you don’t need to help me, only if you want to”

“I do! What do you need?” she offered as he picked up her basket from the floor and guided her to where he was previously.

“I was looking for a particular shade of blue but I can’t seem to find, and I tried mixing some shades to get to them but I can’t”

“Oh, do you have a picture of it?” she asked looking at the huge wall of oil paint.

He unlocked his phone and offered to her “This one”

“I think I saw it earlier, it caught my eye as soon as I walked in here” she said walking in the opposite direction and crouching down “here”

As Raul got a bit closer he noticed it was the perfect shade and he couldn’t hold back a smile “It’s exactly it! Thank you!”

“You’re welcome” she grabbed her stuff with a smile “it was nice meeting you, Raul”

“It was nice meeting you too, Y/N” he said and she waved at him, turning around to pay for her stuff as he stood there contemplating on asking her out, but before he could think about it better.

“Hey, Raul?” she called from where she stood at the cashier counter and he turned to face her “are you busy right now? There’s a new coffee shop down the block and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me”

Right now it didn’t matter the painting he was eager to go home to finish, all he wanted to do was sit down with her at a table and drink coffee until he couldn’t take it anymore.

So he just smiled at her and said “Sure”

And since then they’ve been inseparable.

So it’s no surprise when called her on a Friday to invite her to come over, they had plans to go out and catch a movie but he was too tired and she was thankful, her day at work was insane and all she needed was to relax a bit. And even though she hadn’t spent the night at his place many times before and she’d probably get all jittery about it, she was too tired to care. So when she arrived with a bottle of whine to the smell of homemade pasta mixed with Raul’s signature cologne, she was almost certain she was in heaven. He told her to just walk in and lock the door behind her, so she did, placing her stuff neatly near the door alongside with his and her boots.

She knew the place well enough to find him in the kitchen, listening to a random song as he hummed along facing the stove where he was preparing something. Staring was bad, but she couldn’t help it when he was looking all soft. It was the first time she’s ever seen him wearing a hoodie and she was so grateful it was starting to get a bit colder, specially during the night, so she would have such a blessed vision. Y/N placed the bottle on the counter, clearing her throat softly to let him know she was already there, which made him look over his shoulder with a soft smile playing on his gorgeous lips.

“Hey, pretty girl” he greeted turning off the stove and turning to face her, opening his arms for her, to which she gladly walked into.

She buried her face on the soft material of his hoodie as she mumbled a soft “hi” in response.

“Tired?” he asked and Y/N just nodded, so he placed a kiss to her hair and hummed “food’s almost ready, want to wait for it on the living room? You can pick the movie” and with that she nodded, reluctantly unwrapping herself from him and basically dragging herself to his fluffy rug.

Raul only chuckled in response.

“There’s a bottle of whine somewhere in the kitchen I just brought” she told him from where she was sitting on the floor by his coffee table.

“Thanks, babe” was his only response as he couldn’t hold back his smile.

Raul could get used to this whole kinda domestic atmosphere. Y/N coming home from work a bit later than him, tired and stressed, so he would cook her dinner and cuddle on his living room while watching a movie and drinking some whine or whatever. And maybe, they could switch places and when he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed, she could run him a bath and rub his back. But he couldn’t think about it now. It was too soon and he didn’t know if she would want that. This was the first time they would actually spend some time at home together that wasn’t between his  sheets (or hers), and breakfast in the morning. He’s not allowing himself to get all fucked up for someone and having his heart broken, he’s seen this movie before and he didn’t like it.

But all his insecurities died when he found her sitting on the floor by his coffee table, her legs close to her chest and she was staring at the screen, waiting patiently for him to start the movie, knowing he’s seen it a billion times and wouldn’t mind sitting down in the middle of it. He just felt like wrapping her in his arms and tucking her into his chest, but he didn’t, instead he set the plates and glasses down as he plopped down beside her. She then leaned forward and pressed play, and as the screen started to gain some life, she turned to him and pressed and soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you, this is just what I needed”

“Yeah, I needed this too” he said trying to fight his smile.

“Tough day?”

“A bit, but now it’s okay” he said and she just nodded, quickly changing the subject, and he was happy she just got him and that sometimes he didn’t need or want to talk about it, and respected it.

“This is amazing! Is it your mom’s recipe?”

“Nonna’s actually” he replied and she smiled at him.

“Well, it’s fantastic”

And from that, they just fell into easy conversation. They both could feel the stress literally lifting off their bones and melting away in each other’s presence. And it was always like this, simple and easy, they could read each other like a book and always fulfill their needs easily. So when they’re done with dinner, she picked up their stuff, under his protest and took to the kitchen, putting it on his dishwasher, claiming he did all the work cooking it was the least she could do. And when she was back, the sat back down on the floor since they were too comfortable before to move to the couch.

Raul’s always been a fan of cuddling, one of his “biggest” secret. He’d never initiate it, afraid the other person would reject it or him and Y/N never showed any signs she was a cuddle bug either, which is way they never really cuddled. So when she was slowly inching closer to him and leaning on his side, he was surprised, but in a good way. Raul let his arm casually drop on her shoulder and she leaned in further into his chest, until she was basically almost on top of him, with their limbs tangled under the coffee table and he wasn’t upset with it at all. He started drawing little patterns on her back and in return she placed a kiss on his chest, nuzzling her face there a bit.

So when he felt she was falling asleep towards the end of the movie, he decided to coax her to bed, and it wasn’t as easy as he thought. She whined a bit whenever he attempted to move, only calming down when he told her he was taking them to bed so they could lay down together. After that she seemed to be more aware and a bit embarrassed by her previous clingy state, so she just nodded and got up, getting her stuff by the door and following him to his bed. They both followed their nightly routine normally and laid down. He tempted reaching a hand to hold hers, and she turned on her side to face him as he did the same, lacing their pinkies together over the duvet.

“I’m sorry” she whispered, afraid to disturb their peaceful bubble.

“About what?”

“Leaning so much into you, never asked you if you minded, I guess I was just tired and didn’t really think about invading your personal space”

“Hey, hey, hey” he said gently squeezing their laced fingers “I didn’t mind at all, I actually liked it, I like being close, I just thought you didn’t so I never tried it”

“Oh really? I’m sorry, I actually really like cuddling, it’s just I was afraid it would upset you so I never did, it’s just that today you were looking extra soft and cute, I guess my exhausted brain didn’t care and just went for it”

“Well- I’m glad it did” Raul said placing a kiss on the back of her hand and she automatically shuffled closer to him, which made him place a hand on her waist, pulling her a bit closer to him.

“I think it was the hoodie”

“The hoodie did it for you?” Raul asked with a smirk and she giggled, her eyes looking a lot smaller from exhaustion.

“Oh, shut up” she said with a roll of the eyes as she reached to play of the curls at the back of his head, something she found out he liked very much “but yeah, it’s just- you’re always looking like a runaway model or an actor from a movie, so seeing you so cozy and soft just-“

“Did it for you?” he offered with a boyish glint on his honey orbes.

“Yes, Raul, it did it for me” she said holding back a giggle as she rolled her eyes “Happy?”

“Very much” he said rolling over her making her squeal “you’re cute”

“You’re cuter” she said with a lazy grin on her lips and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to it.

“You need to rest” he said after pulling away, but before he could lay back, she wrapped her arms around his neck keeping him in place.

“Can we-?”

“Cuddle?” he finished her sentence and she nodded sheepishly “of course we can, baby”

“Thank you” she mumbled as he laid back and pulled her to his chest.

“No need to thank me, you’re doing me a favor”

“Trust me, I’m not” she said with a yawn.

“Time to go to sleep, Y/N, doctor’s order”

“You’re way too bossy, Doc” she said nuzzling her face on his chest “but I’m to tired to argue back, so goodnight, Raul”

“Goodnight, pretty girl”

                                                    -*-

Since the first time she saw him in a hoodie and actually made her cuddle him for the first time as well, she noticed he were it a lot more often. Sure, it was getting colder, but he wasn’t being discreet about it. And since that day he couldn’t stop himself from picturing Y/N in his hoodie on a lazy Friday night, a face mask, some movie playing on the background as she painted both of their nails. But he just didn’t know how to bring it up and not make a fool of himself. She never made a move about asking to use his clothes or whatever. Sure, she always complimented him on his style and he knew a few particular pieces that got certain reactions from her, but she never told him she’d like to wear them.

So he was having a bit of a dilemma. Should he ask her to use his hoodie or just get over it?

He decided for the later, just pretend he didn’t want to come home to find her laying on his couch drowning on his clothes and blankets. But after a few days he gave up, he had what he thought to be a brilliant idea. Raul was going to put one of his hoodies on her wardrobe without her knowing, and if she found it and decided to wear, it was a sign she would be okay with it, and since she wasn’t going to know he was the one who placed it there, he wouldn’t be feeling like he was being pushy. And that’s what he did.

He went to her house on a Tuesday to watch their show and was discreet enough to just throw it on her top drawer and come back to the living room as if nothing happened while she was cooking them something. And since she didn’t say anything about it or tried to return it he felt a bit better, so that could mean two things -she didn’t find it or she didn’t mind. And they’re both kinda great and he was a bit relieved. That until he was heading home Saturday evening for their lazy night date or whatever Y/N called it. So when his phone rang and her name appeared on the screen he didn’t think much of it.

“Hi, pretty girl, are you there already? I’m sorry if I’m a bit late, there was this kid that really needed help”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you”

“No, I’m already done, I’m leaving now”

“Oh, okay, I still at home, just got here, I’m picking up some stuff, what do you want me to bring?”

“You don’t need to bring anything, baby, we can order something or I can go grab whatever you want”

“Okay, so I’m just going to pack my stuff and I’ll meet you there, is that alright?”

“That’s perfect” Raul said already smiling like the love sick puppy he’s becoming, climbing on his car.

“Oh, by the way, you’re a sneaky little thing, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” he let out a nervous chuckle to mask the high pitched voice he almost let out.

“I’ll talk to you at your place, drive safely, Sherlock, bye now!”

“Wait, Y/N!” he tried but she already hung up and he could literally feel his face burning.

                                                     -*-

Raul’s never felt so nervous about Y/N before. The drive to his place was relatively short and he spent the whole ride chewing on his lower lip, tapping the steering wheel and regretting every life decision he’s ever made. He knew there was no need to feel like this, she clearly wasn’t upset and sounded playful on the phone, but he was really embarrassed. He should have just asked her, he knew she wouldn’t find it weird, but he was too insecure to do so and now he has to deal with this. He got up to his apartment and did his routine to take a quick shower and change into something comfy completely robotically, mind still a hundred miles per second. And when he heard his doorbell he basically ran to the door, tripping at everything on his way there.

He opened the door ready to apologize and completely breathless, but when his eyes met her frame adorned on his hoodie he swear his heart just stopped. She giggled at his reaction and stood on her tippy toes to press a single kiss to his lips. He stepped back to let her in still in shock as she walked into his apartment. He could clearly hear her voice cheerfully telling about something, but he didn’t register a single word, mind still racing but this time he didn’t even know what to say or do. She must have noticed him standing awkwardly beside the still opened door, so she walked back to him and placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Are you okay, Raul?” her voice sounder a bit more worried and her brows were turned into a frown “what’s wrong?”

“I’m- I’m sorry” was all he could mumble out and the frown on her face o my deepened.

“About what, baby?”

“The hoodie, I- I shouldn’t have tried to give it to you without asking if you minded, and I’m sorry I suck at communicating, and I-“ he started and he felt the blush raising on his cheeks.

“Hey, stop it” she said letting her stuff fall on the floor trying to cup his cheeks in both of her hands “Baby, stop apologizing, I’m not mad at you at all, I found it really sweet actually”

“You did?”

“Of course, Raul! You told me you were not the best with relationships when we first started dating and Peter told me sometimes you get really insecure and I know what I was getting myself into from the beginning and turned out you’re not bad at it at all!”

“No?”

“No, honey, the fact that you care enough about how I’d feel if you asked me to wear this is the sweetest thing, it means you don’t want to push anything on me and that you care, and that’s great”

“It is?”

“Mhmm” Y/N hummed starting to caress his cheek “just so you know, this feels very comfortable and I wouldn’t mind wearing at all, I actually like it”

“Good to know” he said wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

“That is my boy” she said and he laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead “I’m sorry if I scared you or anything, didn’t mean to frighten you”

“It’s okay, I should’ve known you’d be okay with this”

“Next time just tell me, okay? I don’t bite”

“I can prove the opposite”

“Oh shut up for a sec, will you?” she tried to sound mad, but the smile on her voice told otherwise “but I’m serious when I tell you to just talk to me”

“I know, I’ll try, I guess I’m just scared to lose you or be an idiot”

“You won’t, I really really care about you”

“And I’m in love with you”

“What?!”

“Yeah” he said smiling sheepishly with a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“I kinda am in love with you too” she replied as he pressed their lips together in a gentle kiss.

And with that, he was sure everything fell into place and his heart calmed down a bit. He had his girlfriend on his arms and that was an angel for understanding him like she does. But before he could deepen the kiss she pulled back.

“Okay, now that we’re fine, can you please shut the door? Don’t want your neighbors knowing everything about us just yet” she said giggling and Raul laughed, closing the door with a click, still holding her close like she could just disappear.

“Sorry, thought Mr. Jones had the right to know the ins and outs of our relationship”

“Hmm... maybe other day, we should ask him for dinner first” Y/N said winking at him playfully and leaning down to grab her bad “now, how about we order a pizza and try the new face mask I bought, I could even paint our nails, I’ll let you apply the glittery nail polish on mine if you want”

“Oh, that’d be nice, I-“ he started out completely in shock she knew what he’d like to do.

“Peter told me” she informed him with a sheepish smile and he shook his head with a chuckle.

“I’m so going to murder him, you two have to stop talking about me” Raul didn’t mean it at all, he couldn’t be happier that she got along so well with his family “I don’t want him telling you all my secrets”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to see all your baby pics and first photoshoot as a teen looking all cute with braces? I mean, Peter gave me the album, I thought we could look through it tonight together”

“You have to be kidding me, give me it”

“No! You’re not going to let me see it!”

“Of course! Why would I let you see any of those horrid pictures?!”

“Well” Y/N said holding her bad closer to her chest “you’d have to catch me first” and with that she bolted towards his room as he followed her quickly, only to pick her up and toss her on the bed, climbing on top of her in a matter of seconds, her stuff long forgotten on the floor somewhere in the apartment.

“How old are you? Five?” he chuckled a little out of breath

“You chased after me, you’re not much better, sir”

“I was trying to protect my dignity”

“What dignity?”

“Shut up” he said laughing.

“Make me”

“Don’t tease me”

“I’d never do th-“ she was cut off by his lips meeting hers a bit more urgently than before, their tongues soon meeting, only to caress each other as her hands took purchase of his curls. And Raul’s never been more thankful for sneaking his hoodie in her closet.

                                                     -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[ceilingcow]

How do you colour your stuff? (If you don't mind telling👉👈) because your art looks so nice, it looks traditional but also digital at the same time.

Hey, thanks so much for the question! I love traditional art, but for various reasons digital is a lot more accessible to me now, so I try to bring my traditional process to digital as much as possible. I tend to really build up layers in traditional mediums, and digital can very conveniently mimic that.

I'll deconstruct my layers because this is more or less the sequence I go in.

One of the most important things to me was finding digital tools (brushes) that felt like the traditional tools I liked most. When you find one that just clicks, it's a tangible feeling. I'll list my favorite brushes at the bottom of the post. Putting a cut here because it's a long post, but I like sharing information when I can because hey maybe it'll be helpful to somebody!

I always start with a blank canvas that already has a paper-texture overlay applied to it. I tend to sketch in a couple different colors to keep things straight. A holdover from traditionally inked pieces where I'd sketch in non-photo blue pencils. I keep it rough, especially in faces. I do my final layer of pencils or inks over that.

Once I have my lineart, I establish the tone of the piece with a background color or gradient. I do a bit of underpainting where I know I want to build on top of colors other than the background.

I tend to start focusing more on the face here. Throughout working on the piece I'll come back to the underpainting layer and add colors as I see fit.

I fill in the base colors next, keeping things messy by using a brush with some texture and flow that varies with pressure. I really like having the background peek through in places and the background color is key to how I mix colors. I never bucket fill areas of color on a piece like this. For Benny's jacket I use two separate layers to keep the checks easier to work with, and layer masks to erase away sections to create a hatched effect. This is one of those places where I love digital art because I can do things more efficiently than what I would've done traditionally.

I do these next steps kind of concurrently, because they both solidify the overall colors of the piece.

I go back and add colors to the background as I work. Above the more opaque paint I've already done on the figure, I start doing "glazing" layers using layer modes in Photoshop. The most important one for me is Hard Light. I use the background colors to add pops of color on this layer and do some shading. I find that doing shadows in Hard Light first makes them a bit more interesting. I used pinks, reds and greens on the Hard Light layer.

I intensify the shadows in places using a Multiply layer and add a bit more color variety in places on a Color Burn layer using magenta, purple, coral and red.

While I'm using layer modes a lot in this process, I started doing this because it mirrored how I used to work with markers traditionally and build up colors in layers, sometimes using unexpected combinations.

I add a few details over top all the layers and it's done!

Brush talk time!

My absolute favorite sketching pencil is the "Grease Pencil 8B" from Alex Dukal's "Pencil Garden" set. It has a soft-yet-dark, smooth feeling that reminds me of the "Caran d'Ache Sketcher Non-Photo Blue Pencil", which is really just the tops when it comes to traditional sketchers. Seriously I love those pencils. I did the final line art for this with the "German - 45px" brush from the same pencil set, but duplicated the line art layer to make it darker. I do this on many "painterly" pieces because I like how pencil lines and messier paint look together.

Everything else is a Kyle T. Webster brush, which can be found here and downloaded if you've got a subscription with Photoshop. I have a little folder with my favorite of these brushes because there are a lot of brushes. Some I've modified to my likings. The "Oil Background Crusher" is an absolute MVP when it comes to filling in large sections because the color varies based on pen pressure. The "Impressionist" brush is also a huge favorite, and I've done entire pieces before pretty much just with that brush, though I didn't use it for this piece. (Old example, but seriously I've loved this brush for years.)

I've been using a lot of KTW's Gouache brushes lately and most of the painting on the above piece was done with those since they have a messier feel than some of the oil-specific brushes. The recent Victor piece was 100% the KTW Gouache brushes except for the sketch.

Oil paint brushes have a much denser feel and I go for those when I want a more precise feeling. This one was done mostly with the "Impressionist" brush to bring the ghoul skin texture alive, the "Ultimate Oil thicker", "Big Wide Softy" and the "Creamy" brush.

As for color inspiration, I either generate my own palette on Adobe Color or draw inspiration from Impressionist, Post-Impressionist, or Vienna Secession movement paintings, since they tend to have a color palette with the traditional painting feel I'm going for. Right now Toulouse-Lautrec is my painting inspiration.

I hope something in here might've been helpful, though I know it's a bit long. I'm always down to answer questions or talk shop or even chat about art history. =]

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (20)

They all turn to stare at him.

“Dear? How do you know that?” Okaa-san says.

Otou-san shakes his head and sits down heavily on the stairs. “The manufacturer for those weapons is in Yukigakure. Just like the incriminating ryo left at the scene of that theft.”

Oh.

Oh sweet Merry.

She mutters, “Shika said—when we were talking about the theft, he said it had to be an inside job, because an outsider couldn’t know anything. But if they were like me—if they’d read the comic based on Konoha in their past life, they would know. They’d know almost everything even if they never set foot here.”

She swallows, throat suddenly dry. “If it was plot-relevant, then they’d know more about what was valuable and how it was defended than people who’d lived here their whole lives. They’d even know the weaknesses of the ninja sent after them, if those ninja were major characters.”

Otou-san nods. “And if he or she needed to finance the manufacture of those weapons, what could be easier than to steal something from here and sell it to another hidden village?”

She sits down heavily on the stairs.

Her heart’s pounding too fast. The side of her head is throbbing in time with the beat.

“Well.” Okaa-san coughs. “That’s mildly terrifying.”

She lets out a humorless chuckle at the understatement.

Horror wars with elation in her brain. Elation at the knowledge that she isn’t alone here.

Horror at the idea of someone knowing everything about this place and deciding to use that knowledge for their own gain. If robbing Konoha wasn’t low for them, would they stoop to manipulating Naruto, Sakura, Uchiha? To hurting them to get their way, change a narrative they don’t like?

“But Iruka-sensei said Yukigakure gave us those guns for less money than they gave them to other villages.” Naruto says suddenly. “Maybe that’s the not-Mayu’s way of making it up to us?”

“You think villains who would commit such an unyouthful action would be capable of feeling guilt?” Lee says doubtfully. “Shouldn’t we tell Gai-sensei about this?”

“We can.” Otou-san sighs. “But I’m not sure how helpful it would be. Nara-san said Yamanaka-san knew about the Yuki connection between both the theft and these “guns”. For all we know, the price reduction could be a concession negotiated between the Hokage and the thief, and we just have a morsel of knowledge about that deal which would endanger Mayu more than it would help the village.”

She fidgets, tracing the scar on her lower lip.

Lee’s brows are furrowed, his mouth pulled down in a frown.

Okaa-san reaches out and smooths a hand over his hair. “Why don’t we get Ichiraku’s and sleep on it? I think Sanji would agree we’ll all make better decisions with some ramen in our bellies.”

Naruto springs to his feet. “Yeah! Ramen’ll fix everything, believe it! C’mon, I’m hungry, let’s go, let’s go!”

It doesn’t quite fix everything, she reflects later as she descales and fillets the pike for the offerings tomorrow. There’s still another reincarnated person who robbed the village, had her father take the fall for their crime, and is now mass-producing the very weapon that killed her past self, which they can do next to nothing about.

But ramen smoothed out the crease in Lee’s brow when they all agreed it was better to tell Gai-sensei than not. It lightened the mood and made everything this day had thrown at them seem a little less important in light of the celebrations planned for tomorrow.

Their small garden is now even smaller thanks to the a large wooden structure that sits next to the back fence.

It’s a bit like a cross between a shed and a greenhouse, if it only had three walls and no doors or windows. The roof is curved and the walls are sturdy, to protect the shrines inside from the elements.

There’s a length of thick white rope fastened with red twine inside the front gable, which is meant to ensure that the shrines are protected from malicious spirits.

Each one of the shrines has a small building that is sealed automatically once the shrine has been assembled, keeping a small object for the deity to inhabit safely locked away from prying eyes. There’s a small recess before this structure, for offerings to be placed, and a little column that puts them above the eye level of a kneeling person.

They’d debated setting aside a space for the shrines in the living room inside the house, to ensure they could be protected and cared for. But she kept getting impulses of outside, of wind and rain, freedom, that eventually they decided it was better than keeping them cooped up inside.

Plus this way, Luffy can’t raid the fridge as easily.

She’s already found certain small cuts of cooked meat have gone missing. If he’s anything like the manga, then she’s not giving him the chance to clean out the entire fridge.

They’ve been working on constructing it and the shrines on weekends and in the mornings during training. According to Gai-sensei, it’s excellent practice for C-rank missions.

Now all that’s left is to paint the structure and the ten shrines housed within.

Working out what to set out as offerings for tomorrow had been a challenge and a half.

For the most part, the Strawhats can be grouped into small sections of what they will and won’t eat.

Nami and Chopper are fruit lovers. Sanji, Zoro, Brook and Usopp are partial to seafood. Luffy, Franky, and Robin are happy with beef and other land-based meats.

However, Zoro, Sanji and Brook like varieties of seafood that are difficult to get in Konoha— octopus, lobster and prawns are expensive and hard to find, while sea king meat just doesn’t exist here. At least Zoro is happy enough with a traditional plate-2-bowls meal with rice.

Robin prefers sandwiches, and she’s not quite sure if the burgers Franky loves fit into that criteria. Chopper can’t stand spicy or bitter foods, but Zoro and Robin dislike sweets.

She’s just thankful that Luffy, Nami Usopp, and Merry are so easy to feed. Pike’s one of the few fish that Konoha doesn’t need to import, so it and tangerines relatively inexpensive.

There’s no chance of combining all their preferences into one dish. Her head hurts just imagining the clash of flavors.

So she had to somehow come up with a way of creating a meal that would (hopefully) make each of the pirates she idolizes happy.

No pressure.

Chouji ended up being her savior in this respect.

And maybe Uchiha did as well, but only a teeny tiny bit.

She’d been brainstorming different versions of meals she could try making that would satisfy everyone, but kept coming up short.

The added tension from Sakura’s friendly-again-but-still-not-quite-sitting-back-at-their-table thing at this time wasn’t exactly helping her think either.

“I’ve got cola, coffee, tea, heck even sake, but still no idea on what to pair any of them with.” She complained, tapping her pencil against the list in front of her.

Chouji had leaned over, a thoughtful look on his face. “Why not make them lunchboxes? That way you can make lots of things in smaller amounts and personalize each lunchbox for each of them.”

“Hm. That is a good idea.” She gnawed on her lower lip. “Only downside is working out when I can cook what and how much time the preparation of each portion is going so everything in the bentos is relatively fresh for when it’s offered... how much d’you think eleven more lunchboxes would cost?”

She’d just begun sketching out lines for a tentative timetable when Uchiha complained, “Why do you think you’ve gotta do everything on your own?”

She looked up, a little offended. “I’m not praying for help with this, are you mad? That’d be like asking someone to bake their own birthday cake.”

“What Sasuke means,” Chouji intervened. “Is that we could always split the work three-ways between us, and bring it to your house on the day?”

She blinked. “You...you guys would help me like that?”

Chouji smiled, then made a squeak of surprise when she lunged over the table to hug him tightly. “Thank you.”

“I have lunchboxes to spare.” Uchiha drawled. “Plus someone’s got to make sure you don’t mess up.”

She had then let Chouji go so she could boot Uchiha in the shin.

As a result of this arrangement, when she wakes up on The Day, all she has to worry about is preparing the pasta for Sanji, Nami and Usopp’s lunchboxes after training with Gai-sensei.

She’s almost worried that her timining be a little delayed because Gai-sensei grabs her in a bone-creaking hug when she arrives at training and spends about three minutes weeping over how youthful she is.

He then makes them run fifty times around the village balancing the paint pots they’ll be using later to ensure that the paint is agitated enough “so its most YOUTHFUL colors will shine through!!”

They nearly lose the purple when Naruto fumbles slightly over a root.

She bolts down her food at breakfast.

She puts on more rice again in preparation for the sesame onigiri, and pulls out a pot to fill with water that’s set to boil and a pan to gently heat some oil on the stove.

She smashes a clove of garlic and drops it in when the oil has begun to smoke gently, deseeding and dicing up some chilis and tossing them in as well for flavor.

She can’t help her grin when the heady spicy-savory scent fills the air, finely chopping capers and anchovies to toss in once she’s fished out the smashed garlic.

The scent mellows somewhat when the diced pike hits the pan as well, and she pushes it around until the fish is almost-but-not-quite cooked through.

Then in with a generous glug of wine and the heat is turned down to a gentle simmer to let the alcohol cook off.

Just in time for the rice to have cooked and cooled enough to begin mixing with yellow and black sesame seeds and begin forming into ten onigiri.

They don’t have any fillings other than the sesame, because they’re designed to take the edge off the stronger flavors of the pasta (her) and the takoyaki (Chouji), as well as serve as a substitute for a sesame topped bun accompanying the hamburger steaks (Uchiha).

The others begin to arrive at around ten.

Sakura and the Harunos arrive first alongside Ino and her dad.

She shouts a hello as Naruto and Lee lead Ino and Sakura through the kitchen to the back garden, nails orange with peeled tangerine.

Ino darts forward and steals two slices, chortling in response to her indignant “Oi!” and passing one to Sakura, who grins as she nibbles on their way out.

Yamanaka-san is totally at home chatting with Gai-sensei and Otou-san, but he snickers when Nara-san immediately gravitates towards him when he arrives. Shikamaru gives her a nod as he follows the adults outside and she puts the pasta on to boil.

She’s set aside two extra tangerines for when Shino and his father arrive. After all, she, Chouji and Uchiha are making enough to feed eleven deities and many many people, so shouldn’t their insects also be able to eat as well?

Shino’s dad stares at her inscrutably when she explains her reasoning, before accepting the fruit with a nod and a “thank you” barely audible over a loud buzzing.

Shino shifts from one foot to the other during this exchange before gently tugging his father’s sleeve. It occurs to her as she drains the pot-full pasta and adds the sauce alongside a cup of boiling water to emulsify everything that this might be the closest she’s ever seen him to being embarrassed.

Chouji and his dad arrive as she’s sprinkling in some parsley as a finishing touch.

They’re both carrying huge containers full of takoyaki and cooked spring greens, and she spares a small moment to be envious of all the amazing things Chouji’s family can afford to do.

Then she launches Chouji another hug to thank him for all his help once he’s set his cargo down.

He squeaks like he did last time and Akimichi-san laughs loudly, for some reason.

Iruka-sensei and Uchiha arrive with eleven lunchboxes, two dogs, Kiba and his mum, and Hinata in tow.

Uchiha keeps sneaking what appear to be morsels of meat to Akamaru and Kuromaru.

There’s also a pale-eyed frowning boy who Iruka-sensei introduces as Hyuuga Neji, Hinata’s cousin who’d been sent along to act as her chaperone.

The boy sniffs disdainfully when they greet him and goes to stand in a corner of the garden near Mebuki, completely ignoring Lee when he waves to him.

She doesn’t think she likes Hinata’s cousin very much.

The lunchboxes Uchiha brought are black lacquer decorated with gold and red tomoe, much fancier than anything she’d been expecting.

When questioned, he just shrugs and says, “It’s just old stuff from New Year’s. It’s just taking up space at home, so it’s better off here.”

She knows better than to say anything like “sorry”, so she just pats his shoulder and says “No, that compartment’s too small for the onigiri, put it in this one.”

“That’s way too big, it looks tiny in that one.” Uchiha snaps, but with a bit less bite than usual.

Iruka-sensei looks mildly overwhelmed by all the people in the back garden. Okaa-san comes along, hands him a drink, pats his shoulder and says “They’re in my house,” in a sympathetic tone.

Iruka-sensei gives her a pitying look and knocks the sake back in one go.

Adults here can be weird.

Finally they’ve finished serving and she calls out “Food’s up!”

The adults come in to help take the larger platters of food outside, a huge plate of pasta, several smaller hamburger steaks in the style of what they’d call “sliders” in her world, and mound upon mound of takoyaki and spring greens and tangerines.

There’s a clamor outside as people begin getting their portions.

She, Chouji and Uchiha are each balancing either three or four lunchboxes per person as they take them outside.

Sakura is helping Kiba paint a pattern of cherry blossoms across Chopper’s already vibrantly pink shrine. Evidence of her handiwork on Robin’s shrine is clear is the decoration of swirling petals and the streaks of matching purple paint all over her forehead.

Ino and Naruto obviously have had a battle over the orange judging by the splashes on their hands and clothing. On the plus side Nami and Luffy’s shrines are looking particularly colorful.

Shikamaru and Hinata are splotched with green, light blue and black-and-white. Lee is smudged with brown, cyan and white paint and beaming proudly.

Shino has yellow paint on the end of his nose and is looking at the detailed illustrations of insects on the sides with pride.

The only shrines that aren’t quite done are Sanji’s, which has a blue overcoat but no decoration, and Zoro’s which doesn’t have half its roof painted yet.

“We were waiting,” Naruto says, holding out two buckets of green paint and blue respectively, “For you guys to add your bits.”

She beams at him.

Of course, Uchiha has to ruin it by immediately grabbing the green.

“What?” He says, offloading his three lunchboxes onto Kiba. “I’ll give it back once I’m finished with it.”

Ino rolls her eyes and shoulders her paintbrush, adding another orange splotch to her outfit. “Ugh. I’ll help Mayu-chan, it’s better to get it done quickly. Let’s go before the food gets cold.”

Orange, red, and yellow fish on the blue background are much more vibrant and eye-catching than green, though Uchiha does “help” by flicking the paintbrush at her while she’s distracted.

In thanks, she smears yellow on the back of his neck.

After the extra decorations are finished, Lee, Sakura and Kiba redistribute the lunchboxes to make their offerings.

The only problem is there’s eleven of them and ten lunchboxes.

“You all go ahead.” She steps back. “I’ll do the next bit.”

Each one of them place the pirate lunchboxes down in front of the shrines and step back.

For some reason, she feels like traditional prayers and chants appropriated from the sage guy won’t really be all that welcoming to them.

But then, what? What could help them feel at home at these shrines, so far from the sea?

Her gaze falls on Brook’s shrine.

Oh.

Oh, well it’s obvious when it’s put like that, isn’t it?

She just hopes she remembers the words correctly. She doesn’t want to butcher them on accident.

“Yohohoho, yohohoho~ Yohohoho, yohohoho~”

Her voice sounds frail and quiet, and she can feel everyone’s eyes on her. Still, she stumbles through the last two refrains of yohohoho’s to the first verse.

“Binksu no sake wo, todokei ni yuku yo, umikaze, kimakase, namimakase~ Shio no mukou de, yuhi wo sawagu, sora nya, wao kaku tori no uta~”

Naruto joins in on the next verse, singing along slightly out of tune and mixing up some of the words.

His cheeks look as flushed as hers feel, and it’s hard not to giggle when they catch each other’s eyes. Somehow they both manage to keep singing.

Gai-sensei and Lee boisterously shout DON alongside them as they join as well, Gai-sensei’s voice strong and sure, while Lee’s volume makes up for any deficiencies in wording. She almost can’t hear Okaa-san’s melodious voice and Otou-san’s decidedly tone-deaf one join in on the second set of Yohohoho’s over their noise.

Sakura and Ino’s voices are both high-pitched, but they carry the tune well enough. So does Kiba, though he’s pitching up to a falsetto for some reason. Hinata’s voice is soft, but she’s genuinely singing, unlike Shikamaru and Sasuke who’re mumbling through all the bits apart from the yohohoho’s. Shino is monotone if precise and enthusiastic, while Chouji has a surprising set of pipes on him.

Akamaru is just howling to the beat. And with that accompaniment, how could anyone stop themselves from singing along?

It feels like more people than could possibly fit into their house and garden are bellowing Bink’s Sake together by the time they’ve reached the third set of Yohohoho’s.

It can’t exactly be called “harmonious”. Everyone’s a little out of tune, a little off beat.

But the mixing of all the voices of her family and friends feels so right, it makes her voice stronger, lets her sing louder.

She opens her eyes and nearly chokes on the next note.

Hovering in front of the brightly painted shrines, slightly faded but gaining color and substance with every passing moment, They stand.

Merry appears in all her glory, as if in mid- sail. Brook is playing his violin, a foot tapping to the beat. Franky is winding up for his SUPA pose, grinning broadly. Robin is resting a hand on Chopper’s hat. Chopper himself is peeking at them the wrong way round from Robin’s leg.

Sanji’s tapping out his cigarette with a grin and giving a small salute. Usopp is waving to them, like a captain would to his 8,000 followers. Nami’s blowing a kiss as if to adoring fans.

Zoro...is climbing over the garden fence and jogging to take his place in front his shrine next to the others. Nami shoots him a Look while Luffy laughs at him, sitting in mid air and clapping his feet together.

The Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates then turns to her and gives her a wide grin.

She blinks away tears as he and his crew fade away with the last notes of the song.

The food in the lunchboxes is gone.

The food on Naruto’s plate is also gone.

In fact, all the food in the immediate vicinity appears to be gone.

It’s just that Naruto looks down at his plate and yells in indignation first.

She lets out a wet laugh. “Darn it Luffy.”

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

The question is inevitable. I stop wiping down the ice cream equipment and look up. For the past two years, that’s all anyone’s ever asked me. Now as I sit here, I realize that by this time next year, I’ll be preparing to move. By this time next year, the question “what do you want to study?” will be answered. The thought of growing up and going to college has always been in the back of my mind, but it always seemed far off. Now as my boss asks me the same question I’ve been asked a million times, the answer doesn’t just feel real; it feels tangible.

“I want to hopefully study something in the arts,” I reply. “I’m hoping to study to then get a job as a concept artist for movies and TV shows.”

"Well, you know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m three years old. I’m sitting at the kitchen table with white printer paper spread out all over the place. Half of the sheets are filled and the other half to go. My tongue sticks out in determined concentration as I finish what feels like my fiftieth self portrait today. I’m still not happy with how the hair looks, but I’m getting better with every one I make.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m eight years old. I wait nervously outside the classroom in the aquatic and community center for my first ever real drawing class. I wait until the door opens and file in behind the rest of my peers into the classroom. I find a spot a little further away from everyone else. Once the teacher begins instructing us on how to draw the basic construction of a horse, I immerse myself into the lecture. Soon enough my anxiety melts away as I immerse myself in the drawing. By the end, I’m not quite satisfied with how my horse looks, but I look forward to the next day. There’s still three more days of camp, and I’m ready to get even better tomorrow.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m twelve years old. I’m sitting with what feels like my entire body sunken into an overly plush floral print couch. I watch as Mrs. Scalabrino, a family friend, teaches me how to make a magic loop with the yarn and crochet hook. “I’ve been doing it all wrong! Now I finally understand!” Deb hands me the yarn and hook and urges me to try myself.

This time, instead of having the hook slip through and make a tiny slip stitch, I loop the yarn though and then pull through a final time to create a stitch.

“I did it! I was doing it wrong!”

“It looks very good! Keep going and you’ll be making full projects in no time!” I smile at her compliment and keep practicing.

By the end of the afternoon, I have a long rectangle of clumsily made single and double crochet stitches, but I don’t mind. I’m proud of my lumpy, uneven, handmade rectangle.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m thirteen years old. It’s my first time at Blue Lake Fine Arts camp, and I’m taking my first pottery class. I’m carefully carrying my freshly reglazed pot to the back room of the pottery studio after fixing it for a second time. The first time it got damaged I had dropped it after molding the structure and the second time someone else bumped into me, messing up the glaze and sgraffito pattern and glazing in multiple places. I stayed after class during my recreation time and painstakingly remolded and fixed the intricate glazing pattern.

At the end of the session art show, I’m called to the front of the crowd of visiting parents and my fellow campers. I’ve just won the Outstanding camper scholarship. My cheeks flush furiously with embarrassment, but inside I’m also elated. Even though the pot wasn’t perfect. I was still proud of it. I worked hard to save and fix the pot twice broken, and for once, that work pays off. I look out and see the faces of everyone who was with me on the journey to complete the piece, and I know that that pot will always be more than a keepsake planter.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m fifteen years old. I lay in bed before my first day of high school. I should be worried about my academic classes, and I am. I can’t stop thinking about the homework for my double paced math class and honors biology, and the more advanced reading we’ll do in honors english this year.

I console myself by thinking about the art class that I’m going to take. By chance there was a scheduling conflict with my social studies credit, and there wasn’t a spot to fit it in. I’d have to test out of the class over the summer, but that meant that I could take Art 1 instead. I stay up and wonder what it will be like. Will it be like my art classes in middle school? Will I finally be able to try oil painting? What about ceramics?

I drift off to sleep anxious, but ready to try all new mediums and make more; to be able to create amongst all the chaos that comes with advanced academic studies.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m sixteen years old. I’m almost finished with what was supposed to be my sophomore year, but because of the pandemic, quarantine has made the past month of march even more grey and dreary than normal. The trees outside droop with the heaviness of the recent freezing rain and the sky is a somber grey. I stare absentmindedly at my computer screen waiting for my last zoom meeting of the day to end.

I return to my painting once I log off of our AP Art zoom. I glare at the canvas in front of me. I hate this piece. Even the dull grey color palette outside seems more appetizing than the same oranges and blues that I’ve stared at for the past three months. It’s the feeling in the pit of the stomach when you don’t feel particularly welcome and you know something is off. The dynamic is all wrong and you infuriatingly search the faces of the people there for an answer but to no avail.

I sigh and start to reach for my paints to force myself to push through to a solution, but set them down. “There has to be another way to get through this,” I say to myself as I open my sketchbook against my better judgement. After a quick image reference search, My pencil migrates from the jar to the page. I don’t worry about making it perfect. This piece is just for me.

I sketch out the figures of the boy and girl and boy in the photo, their arms intertwined in an embrace and their lips in a gentle kiss. I make sure her thumb just skims the length of his forearm and that his hand is placed just so on her waist. I step back. We’re getting somewhere.

Long since abandoned for my previous acrylic piece, my colored pencils feel slippery and foreign in my hand. I reach for the tan and brown colored pencils to start, but the bright fuschia red catches my eye. I cautiously begin to apply it to the girl’s face and neck area. Perfect. I don’t stop until the shadows crossing the girl’s face are all shades of pink and red and the boys silhouette is coated in deep blues. What next?

My watercolor palette sits just inches from my paints. I open it and observe my options. I water down a bright pink, an ocean blue, and my untouched cake of deep purple watercolor. I haphazardly splash the pink on one side and the blue on the other, applying purple to blend the area where the two seas of paint mix. I remember an old painters trick of using salt to make cool backgrounds, and apply a generous amount. The scissors come out next, and I delicately cut the form of the girl and boy out. I paste it right on the background and let it sit under a book overnight to press.

In the morning, I observe my work. It’s not perfect. The proportions on the girl’s arm are off and I never quite managed to capture the folds on the boy’s shirt, but I smile. I love it. This is my piece. No one told me to make this. I just did. It’s for me.

My abandoned assignment sits waiting on the other side of the table. I look at it again. This time I do see what’s missing. Like I did while I was working with the pencil, I need to add more depth. That’s why I hate it. That’s why it felt flat and boring. I set my new opus aside and reach for the beaten up acrylic brushes and paint tubes.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

The computer screen finally loads. I'm exhausted and have just returned from a missions trip to the Dominican Republic, but in my blissful sleep back in my own bed, I'd remembered that AP scores had come out while I was away. The three numbers I've waited for loom in front of me:

AP Spanish Language: 5

AP Language and Composition: 4

AP Studio Art: 4

A four.

I stare in disbelief at the screen. I'd expected a three at best. I rush to tell my parents.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

"Yeah, I know," I respond. "But it's so much more than that to me."

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Do you like having your picture taken? No.

2. Have you ever done a photo shoot, professional or non? I’ve had pictures taken at photo studios and I have a cousin who’s a photographer that did my college graduation photos.

3. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why? I mean, nowhere right now. BUT, there’s a lot of places I’d love to visit one day. Various countries and places here in the US. I just want to be able to travel a lot one day.

4. Who would you take with you on this little adventure? My family.

5. What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime? That’s going to be different for everyone of course, but basically something that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Conquering a fear.

6. Would you ever do that? I don’t know. 

7. Have you ever done crossword puzzles? Yeah. I much prefer word searches, though.

8. Ever actually completed one? Yeah.

9. Pick up the closest book and write a sentence at random from it. There isn’t a book near me.

10. Do the same with a lyric from either a cd or the radio. Nah.

11. Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams? Yeah, many times. I’ve tried to look up what some things symbolize and what it might mean for me. 

12. Would you put up posters in your room? Yeah. I have some things hung up. 

13. Can you sing? I can’t sing well at all. I wish.

14. Do you ever sing to yourself while doing everyday tasks? Yes.

15. What's your favorite color of post-it note? Pink.

16. How many cassette tapes do you own? Zero.

17. How many cd's do you own? I don’t have any CDs anymore.

18. Ever bought a cd for just one song? I probably have. 

19. What would your perfect day consist of? Beach days are nice. Or since it’s winter, renting a cozy cabin in the snow sounds lovely.

20. Have you ever lied to get off the phone or out of talking to someone online? Yes.

21. Have you ever written a survey? Once. It was several years ago during the Xanga days. I wish I still had it saved.

22. How about a song? If so share it. No.

23. Or maybe a poem? If so share it or one of them. I dabbled with poetry when I was 16. I am definitely not sharing one, they’re super cringey.

24. Is your vcr flashing 12:00 all the time? I don’t have a VCR. Wow, cassette tapes and VCRs how old is this survey?

25. Do you read your horoscope? No.

26. If so, do you base your day on it? No, I’ve never been into astrology. I used to read it when I was younger like in an magazine, but it was always just for fun.

27. Would you rather chew gum or use mouthwash and why? Chew gum. Mouthwash is way too strong to me and I find it irritating for my mouth and yeah it’s just not a pleasant experience.

28. Do you floss? No. :X

29. Are you addicted to napster like me? Okay, now you’ve mentioned Napster so this survey is super old. Napster was like late 90s and early 2000s. 

30. How many times a year about are you sick? I rarely get things like a cold, which I find interesting because I feel like my immune system is crap, but I feel sick and crappy often for other reasons.

31. Ever been in an airplane? Yes, a few times.

32. If so where were you flying to? Georgia and back and to Disneyland and back.

33. What radio station to you listen to most? It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio.

34. What color are your shoes? I wear my black Adidas the most.

35. Was fuzzy wuzzy a bear? He was. He had no hair, though, so he wasn’t actually fuzzy.

36. Do you know how to play dominos? I’ve never really played.

37. Or do you think I just mean pizza by that? No, I know what dominos are.

38. Speaking of pizza, what's your favorite kind? (toppings and/or place to get it from) My favorite is from this local place. I like to get white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, crumbled meatballs, garlic, spinach, and pesto and olive oil drizzles. I’ve been really craving that lately.

39. What color are your eyes? Brown.

40. How many surveys have you filled out this lifetime? Oh pffffft, I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. There’s no way I could. I’ve been doing surveys for so long and sadly so many of them are gone because they were done on Myspace and Xanga. :(

41. Describe your bedroom, include all details. Okay, you want details? Here we go...

It’s small and has way too much stuff. For one thing, there’s giraffe stuffed animals all over, including a 4 ft one in the corner. There’s a dresser by the window that has my TV and Christmas decorations on it. To the right of that is a 6-cube shelf with some of the aforementioned giraffe stuffed animals as well as giraffe knickknacks, some coloring books and coloring supplies, a mini Christmas tree on top, a few more giraffe stuffed animals, a nice picture frame with my dog, Brandie, who passed away, and my BB8 droid I made at Disneyland. Above the shelf is an I Love Lucy wall clock. My closest is nearby and is full of medical supplies, 3-drawer file thing with random stuff I insist on holding onto, my shoes, and all my jackets and sweatshirts. To the left of my dresser is my bookshelf with a lot of books and other figurines and knickknacks of various things I like and hey surprise, surprise, more giraffe stuffed animals! Across from the bookshelf and dresser is my bed, which is also my desk cause I keep my laptop on it, my chargers, my phone, a coloring book, a couple packs of colored pencils, my Bible study stuff, my remotes, and my Nintendo Switch. I have a pile of clothes, too, cause dresser and closet are too full. I have like 8 throw pillows, a body pillow, a back pillow, and a couple actual pillows. I have a few stuffed animals that sit on my bed as well, which are a huge squishmallow giraffe, a small squishmallow pug, a small squishmallow Dumbo, a small squishmallow Baby Yoda/Grogu, and a Baby Yoda/Grogu plushie. To the right of my bed is a TV tray that has my bottles of water, my medicine and pill crusher, a box of straws, a glass, a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, chapstick, my wallet, a Zip-loc bag with half a glazed donut and half a chocolate one, and a small bag of shortbread cookies. Behind the TV tray is my 3-drawer bedside table, which has a makeup storage thing on it that I plan on cleaning out and getting rid of cause I don’t wear makeup anymore and could use that space for something else, a bottle of lotion, a couple little room sprays from B&BW, and a jewelry tray. Hung up on my walls around the room are a few giraffe framed paintings, a couple beachy canvas paintings, two Alexander Skarsgard calendars, a bulletin board with various stuff pinned to it, and a marker board. There’s also a hamper in here, a floor lamp, a ceiling fan/light, two fans, and an ottoman.

42. Name one person your life is made better by. My mom. She’s my best friend. 

44. How about someone else's? Huh?

45. Can you do math with ease? Ha, noooo. Me and math never got along.

46. What size is your computer screen? It’s 13.3 inches.

47. If you could only talk to one person online who would that be? Someone from the survey community on here.

48. Name your favorite type of music and why. I like a variety of music--various genres and decades.

49. Are you a vegetarian? No.

50. How about an aspiring actor/actress? Not at all.

51. What famous person dead or alive would you interview if you had the chance? Alexander Skarsgard.

52. Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors? There’s a lot of movies I could do that with. I try not to cause it gets annoying, but it happens.

53. Name one of your passions in life. I don’t know. :/

54. What's your least favorite time of day? Evening time.

55. Who's your favorite member in a band, singer, guitarist, bassist, drummer, and why? The singer, typically.

56. Do you use hairspray or gel? I use neither.

57. Describe your favorite meal. Wingstop’s boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings. I also really enjoy my nightly bowl of ramen.

58. What color is the inside of your head when you close your eyes? Black.

59. Ever listen to classical music? Not typically, but it is nice.

60. Have you ever said lol in real life without thinking about it? No.

61. Do you find you use internet language when writing notes irl? I use “wtf, “wth”, “omg”, and “lol.” 

62. What songs would be on your ideal cd? Like I said, I like variety, so a mix of songs.

63. Say one thing you've learned today. Nothing, really.

64. What is the best present you've ever given someone else? I don’t know.

65. What is the best present someone else has ever given to you? I’ve been given many nice gifts throughout my life. I’m appreciative of all the gifts I’ve received.

66. So hey, what's your full name? Stephanie is all you need to know.

67. Describe yourself while drunk. I was chatty and annoying.

68. How big are the windows in your house? Regular, common size? .

69. Do you wear a watch? Nope.

70. What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done with someone else? Nothing.

71. What's the largest age difference between you and someone you've dated? Just a year.

72. How many mirrors do you have? Just one in my room.

73. Write one sentence stating what you want people to say about you after you've passed on. I don’t know, man.

74. Have you ever sailed? Nope.

75. How fast can you run? I used to be able to go pretty fast, but not now. I don’t have the upper body strength or energy I used to have.

76. What do you believe in? I believe in God.

77. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Not long at all. I just change clothes, quickly do something with my hair, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, put on my shoes, and then grab my bag and mask and go. And a coat if needed.

78. Do you shower daily? If not how often? No, I shower 3-4 times a week.

79. What one thing would you change in your life if you had the power to do so? I’d make it so I had good health.

80. Describe the ideal superpower and what you would do if you had it. Teleportation. I’d travel all over.

81. Are candles romantic or a fire hazard? They can be both.

82. Name something you've done in the last 24hrs no matter how big or small. I had coffee and donuts. Exciting stuff.

83. Do you wear necklaces, bracelets, anklets, earrings, rings? I haven’t worn any in awhile.

84. What colors are you wearing right now? Just black.

85. How often do you change the sheets on your bed? Twice a month.

86. Have you ever gotten lost? Not alone, thankfully, but yeah.

87. What's on your computer desk? I mentioned in the question about my room that my bed is also my desk and I listed the things on it.

88. How many folders are on your desktop at the present moment? Zero.

89. When your talking do you ever use your hands to do quotation marks in the air when saying certain words? Sometimes, if I find it necessary to do so.

90. Which landmark would you climb if you could? None.

91. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I read the Chicken Soup For The Soul books when I was younger but that's it. <<< Same.

92. Ever seriously questioned your sanity? Yes. 93. Can you breakdance? No.

94. What's in your fridge right now? Food and drinks. I’m tired from listing everything in that room description question lol.

95. How many people do you live with? I live with 3 people and a doggo.

96. Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area? No.

97. What is the strangest thing you've ever done? Uhhh. I don’t know.

98. Name an instrument you've never played but would like to. Guitar.

99. Have you ever been on tv or the radio? Myself, as well as my story, was on TV after my accident happened. 

100. What is the worst thing anyone could ever do to you? Physically hurt me.

101. Are you a fast typer? Yes.

102. How high have you counted before getting bored? I don’t know, but probably not very high. I probably would get to 100 and be over it.

103. Describe how you sleep. (ie. your position and/or how you fall asleep) I sleep slightly propped up and turned to my left side. I have indigestion and post-nasal drip issues, so I can’t sleep flat. I have a whole nighttime routine consists of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR until I feel tired enough to fall asleep.

104. Are you straight, bi, gay? I’m straight.

105. Do you ever do something else while on the computer? If so what? Sometimes I’m watching TV.

106. What is the most expensive item you own? My MacBook Air.

107. How about the least expensive? My little knickknacks.

109. What do you do online? Check my social medias, watch YouTube, scroll through Tumblr, and do surveys.

110. Name some stores you've bought clothes in before. Boxlunch, Hot Topic, Kohl’s, JCP, Target, H&M, Macy’s, Forever 21... those are a few that come to mind.

111. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? I struggled with mythology. I just couldn’t get into it, so that definitely didn’t help, and it was hard to follow.

112. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yeah. Whenever that happens I jump on Google and read up on it afterwards. 

113. Do people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs? I pick up lingo from others most often. 

114. Are you easily influenced by other people, or current trends? No, I wouldn’t say that.

115. What makes you unique in your own opinion? I don’t feel very unique.

116. Name your worst quality. Where to start... .

117. Name your best. I like that I’m open-minded.

118. What would you like to do with your life? I need to get myself together and figure that out.

119. Do you blowdry your hair? Nah.

120. How many clocks are in your house? We have like 3 wall clocks and there’s digital clocks throughout the house on appliances and electronics.

121. Are they all set on the same time? The phones and electronics are. The others are a few minutes fast. My parents set their digital clock like 15 minutes fast.

122. Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the actual time? Like I said, we set some of them a few minutes ahead.

123. What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning? "What time is it?"

124. Which browser do you use? Google Chrome.

125. Do you bite your nails? Ugh, I don’t bite them but I pick and clip at them with clippers constantly. 

126. Would you ever leave little notes to your gf/bf? Sure, I think that’s cute.

127. Ever been to a farm? Yes.

128. Tell me about your dream last night. I don't remember. I rarely ever do. What typically happens is I’ll remember when I first get up, but then it like vanishes. My dreams are like Snapchat. If only there was an option to save or screenshot them like Snapchat.

129. Ever seen a shooting star? No, actually.

130. Say one thing about yourself you've never told anyone. Uhhhh. I’m so boring, I can’t think of something interesting to share.

131. Do your days fly by or seem to last forever? It often seems like the days go by slow, but then before I know it it’s already been a whole week again and I’m like wtf it was just Monday? That’s how the years tend to feel, too. There’s definitely some days that just really seem draaaaag, though. And there’s something about January that always feels super long. 

132. Have you ever stayed in a fancy high class rich hotel? Yes. 133. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? No.

134. What in your opinion is the best advertising slogan out there? If they get stuck in your head then they’re doing something right. It’s gotta be catchy. Jingles work well.

135. When they start sending rockets to the moon for us civilians, will you be on the list to go? Noooo, absolutely not.

136. How are you feeling right now? Tired, kinda hungry, and lonely.

137. Have you ever written anything on your skin? Yeah.

138. If so what? Random stuff. That was something a lot of people seemed to do in like middle school and high school for some reason.

139. Which website do you frequent most often? Tumblr and YouTube.

140. What color are most of your clothes? Black.

141. Do you own any plants? Nope.

142. Are things as bad as they seem? They sure seem bad to me.

143. Describe the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. My mom is amazing. She’s sacrificed so much. I’m 31 years old and require aid with some things and here she is still taking care of me and doing so much for me on top of working a full-time job, being a caregiver for a family friend as well, taking care of us as a family and of things at home, and she very rarely has anytime for herself. She’s spread very thin and works so hard and yeah I just could never thank her enough. She’s the absolute best and I would be so lost without her. I couldn’t keep going if it weren’t for her.

144. Ever looked directly at the sun? Yes.

145. Have you ever made a pin hole camera to watch the eclipse? No.

146. What's your favorite cereal? All the main sugary ones, ha.

147. Who do you miss? My loved ones who have passed away.

148. Name something you just can't forget no matter how hard you try. Uh, a lot of things. My mind doesn’t like me to forget things like that. It likes to remind me of them often. Things like that hit at random times as well, like my brain will be like, ‘hey remember when...’ and I’m like, ‘ugh, yes I remember you won’t let me forget.’

149. Describe the worst fight you've ever been in whether physical or verbal. I’ve never been in a physical fight, but there were some verbal ones. I don’t want to get into them right now.

150. Say something else about yourself you've never told anyone before. Noooo. 

[owlyteas]

6th picture finally done! This was oil paints.

Got a little busy so I waited a bit to paint but I actually did this over at my boyfriend's house so I wouldn't have to worry about the cats getting into stuff while the paint was still wet and also wouldn't get into the solvent, so that actually worked out pretty good!

Well oil paints are pretty interesting to work with but I probably won't be going back to them soon, or at least not with anything much bigger than this. It was kinda hard using as little solvent as I could so I wouldn't have a lot to get rid of but that made cleaning the brushes and thinning the paint down a liiiiitle trickier than it probably should've been.

I really don't know how people paint on top of a layer that's still wet and not mix all the colors into mud, which I was having some issue with for the bird's main body. I hadn't colored in ALL of the background so I left some space to put down the first orange layer of the bird, but if I so much as slightly touched the background paint with my brush then suddenly I would find myself with a big streak of purple in the orange and I'd have to blend or throw more paint on it in order for it to not look terrible. HOWEVER once I got the bird done and started blending the background into the orange it made the fiery effect look really cool so I guess it's a bit of a double-edged sword haha.

But yeah I had to use a LOT of paint to get the color to show up and not just have it blend into the color below it. Don't know if that's normal, I think sometimes you wait for the background to dry but I didn't want to wait another day or two just to put more color on the painting so maybe I'm just impatient.

Not sure why so many of the techniques I looked up just...didn't really work when I tried them but maybe I just used the wrong brushes. Even had to do my signature differently because trying to paint tiny delicate initials was just not working so I just painted big blotches then used a regular pencil over it lol.

But it did turn out pretty cool I think, and I'm glad I got the chance to use oil paints! Gonna wait a couple days for it to dry completely and hopefully it'll still look pretty good by then. :>

[smoljoelito]

obra de arte || joel pimentel

word count: 2,499

requested by/request: my own idea I threw into my queue lmfao

description: you draw joel pimentel per request, but you don’t expect him to see it.

warnings: fluff

masterlist

tags: @quierick @mepuserojito @ericks-mala-actitud @woowoodaaboo @ella-se-vuelve-loca @joelsaww @honeyzhong @sarswilltakeyouout @pimentelssmile @whippedforcnco @notsoteenagegirl @richukisbb @besosdecnco @emsy55 @cloudfiveclub @erickspretend1 @hardtoadore

———————————————————————————————————--

Everyone has their outlet in life, as you like to call it.

An outlet, to you, any activity you do that brings you a happiness high or gives you a sense of calamity. For some, it’s working out. The intensity and achievement of small goals gives a lot of people a shot of dopamine that becomes an addiction. For others, a creative outlet suits them best. Some people sew, draw, sing, do DIYs, and/or dance and use it as their escape from the stressors of life. Then there’s the rare few, that their outlet is their job.

For you, you’re lucky to say that you have been able to take your favorite thing in the entire world, art, and make a living off it. Never in your life did you think you’d be able to do such a thing, but after beginning to innocently post a few artworks on your art Instagram account your friends encouraged you to make, you began to grow.

It was a snowball effect, starting slow, but as soon as the bigger art accounts began to repost your drawings, it grew faster then you could ever imagine. Whimsical art was never your forte, but realism for you came naturally. You could draw anything; humans, nature, dogs, cats, buildings, etc, as easily as breathing air. Some people even began to call you an art prodigy, which you never truly believed.

Your favored medium? Anything that you can make art with. You go through phases, sometimes loving markers for quick art, topping them with colored pencils for details. Sometimes, especially for nature, you enjoy pastels, oil, and chalk, to get the beautiful blending of colors needed to successfully make the picture come alive. Your favorite, however, seems to be painting, specifically watercolor. As much as you love oil paints, there’s nothing like layering watercolors together, giving a gentle and soft finish, but also an imperfect look that seems to draw the whole piece together as one.

Most say you have the ability to make anything come alive; from highlights to lowlights, from perfecting skin colors and providing the correct background to make it all tie together. It’s a special gift of yours; being able to find whatever makes people’s eyes sparkle, and this is how you have your success as an artist. You have the ability to make your models look alive by putting them in a situation where they automatically feel the most lively, where you can see the natural glow coming off their skin. The sparkle in their eyes isn’t painted on, and the flush in their cheeks isn’t just the paint, but it’s the model, and artist, in the prime. People look better when you decide to paint them, it’s like magic, how everything comes together so perfectly on the canvas. It’s like you have an innate ability to make absolutely anything, beautiful. 

Now on a full-ride scholarship to your favored art school in LA, you’re living a dream. Most of your artworks for school, you sell for money, but in the summer, you take commissions and requests to keep your talent and extra money up. So, at the moment, you’re working on a gouache watercolor painting of Joel Pimentel, a request you recently got. You know the band he’s from, since you’ve been listening to them for quite a while, but never so much into it to learn their names.

When you got the request, you decided to do it out of other’s you’d received since, for some reason, you had an incredibly good feeling about it. Your intuition is usually fairly good and right, so you decided to paint the curly-haired boy, whose name you just learned. 

Finding the right picture seemed to take you longer than the drawing, but after searching his Instagram account, photographer’s accounts, and google images, you found the most candid photo you could find of him smiling, seeming to be in his element, and he is.

The picture was taken inside of what appears to be a recording studio, but that’s not going to matter anyway since you’re making the background a single color; blue ombré, light blue at the top to accentuate his hair, and then dark blue at the bottom. Painting him, however, would be done in black and white. You enjoy messing with colors in such a way, just to experiment and keep creativity flow up.

With the picture in front of you, you begin your sketch. For some reason, once you get the basic shapes of his face and body down, you always start with the eyes. Eyes are your favorite thing to sketch because they are so versatile. With a few highlights, you can make them look alive and glowy, and with a few more highlights and some shadings, tear-filled and irritated. To perfect them, that’s where you always start. Then you move up to the hair, and then down the rest of the body. 

When the basic outline is done, you already have pride in the drawing, excited to finish it. Painting it is your favorite part, and once you get a basic grey wash across the entire drawing, you start with, surprise, his eyes. Once you get down the basic color blocking, you begin to add details; small white highlights around the inner corner to make his eyes look extra radiant. From there, you work outwards, building shadows in his face and hair, then letting it dry while you start on the bottom half of his body. 

This is how you work, layer by layer, until the clock reads 3:11 A.M. and your eyes are shutting every few seconds, requiring you to jolt yourself awake. After cleaning up your art hands, which is what you call your hands after they’ve been covered with whatever medium(s) you’ve been using for the day (A/N: this is what I call my hands after I’ve made some art since they’re trashed lol) and you wash your face, you practically collapse in bed. 

Upon waking up the next morning with the brilliant sunlight of the morning lighting up your room, you groan at the light pounding of your head. It’s your own curse, you’re a perfectionist, and you absolutely cannot stop doing anything you’ve started until it’s completed. 

You pop a few Advil that you leave by your bed, gulping them down with some water before pulling back the covers, exposing your body to the AC. A hiss escapes your lips as the cold meets your body rather gently, brushing over your skin like a light kiss, yet leaving behind shivers and goosebumps in its wake. Quickly, you snatch your favorite hoodie you wear around the house, pulling it on your body, before letting your toes greet the chilly floor. 

After you freshen up in the bathroom, your feet pad against the floor towards the kitchen to get yourself a cup of coffee. While it brews, you head back to your art desk you keep by the window of your apartment, finding the painting of Joel staring back up at you. A gasp escapes your lips as you hold it up, heart-swelling at how good it turned out. Just as you take out your camera to take a photo of it, you can hear your Keurig spit out the last bit of your fresh cup of coffee.

Once you have mixed in enough cream and sweetener, you head back into the living room, setting the cup down on a coaster on your desk. From there, you pick up the painting, signing it quickly, before hanging it on the white wall of your apartment. After you set up some white lights, you snap a picture of it with your camera. 

While you work at your desk, you leave the painting on the wall for fear of spilling your coffee on it, yet you have no fear of it spilling on your computer. The realization of your art life makes you chuckle as you plug in your camera to your computer.

After a few quick edits, you send the photo to your phone before uploading it to Instagram and your story, making sure to tag Joel and CNCO to help with exposure. From there, you set down your phone and put away your computer, sipping on your coffee as you think about your next possible artwork. 

Once you’ve downed your first cup of coffee, you stand up, putting all your lights away and placing the painting of Joel in a portfolio case, before picking up your phone.

A gasp escapes your lips as you find your phone blowing up with notifications from Instagram, a few specific ones catching your eye.

cncomusic has uploaded your post to their story.

cncomusic has tagged you in a post.

cncomusic has mentioned you in a post.

joelpimentel has uploaded your post to their story.

joelpimentel  has tagged you in a post.

joelpimentel has mentioned you in a post.

joelpimentel wants to send you a message. 

Quickly, you open Instagram, reposting the notifications to your story as you squeal with excitement. Then, you head to your direct messages, accepting the request to allow him to message you.

joelpimentel: Hey! You’re drawing is so good, I love it so much and so does my mom. We were wondering if we can buy it off you if you’d be willing to sell it to us. Thanks so much! You’re really talented :)

Your jaw practically hits the floor as you stare bug-eyed at the message. Before your brain can even process it, your thumbs are typing.

artbyy/n: Hey! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, I won’t sell it to you, but I will send it free of charge :)

Almost immediately, you see he begins typing back.

joelpimentel: You’re welcome, anytime :). No, there’s no way I’m not paying for it! That had to take forever. My mom says she’s going to pay you.

artbyy/n: LOL it didn’t take me that long. The medium I used wasn’t my most expensive medium and it was a request, not a commission, so I don’t really mind. I mean you already reposted my art and tagged me in it on your account and on CNCO’s account, that’s payment enough. My follower count is skyrocking lol thank you!

joelpimentel: Fine, okay. You’re welcome lol. Do you want to ship it to me?

artbyy/n: Sure! I can get it in the mail today if you send me your address right now.

joelpimentel: Alright, here it is! Thanks again :)) My mom is really excited.

artbyy/n: LOL well, tell her I said thanks! And you’re welcome, anytime!

Quickly, you take one of those long yellow envelopes and write the address on it with a brush pen to add to the artsy vibe. Calligraphy is also something you do in your free time, just to take a break from art sometimes. Then, you take the artwork and slide it in between two pieces of cardboard inside the yellow envelope before sealing it off with a rubber stamp with your initials on it. 

After putting on a stamp and paying for shipping, you take your keys and slide on some shoes, before walking outside to find your mailbox. Unfortunately, all the mailboxes are on the first floor of your apartment building, so you hop on an elevator and take the ride all the way down.

Around ten minutes later, you find your way back into the apartment, locking the door and kicking off your shoes. You head back over to your phone, finding many new notifications from Instagram.

joelpimentel liked your photo.

joelpimentel liked your photo.

joelpimentel liked your photo.

joelpimentel liked your photo.

It goes on and on for many notifications making you giggle, and then you see there’s a new message from him.

joelpimentel: Your art is amazing holy crap is there anything you can’t draw? Sorry for bombing your phone my mom and I were looking LOL.

artbyy/n: LOL I tend to draw the same things over and over again, so probably haha. It’s totally okay! A celebrity is liking all of my pictures and you think I’M complaining? Also, hi mom lol.

joelpimentel: I think you’re wrong you could probably draw blind. LOL you still have a right to complain. She said hi and wants to know if you speak Spanish cause she saw some of your captions are in Spanish.

artbyy/n: I actually have drawn blind before! It’s a form of art called the blind contour line drawing! Lol yeah I do! I love speaking Spanish so much I would speak it over English if I could. I took classes in high school and now I’m getting a minor in it! Last year I went to Ecuador to study abroad and I just got back a few weeks ago. It feels weird to speak English lol.

joelpimentel: I know the feeling. When I travel with my band and speak Spanish all the time then flip languages it feels unnatural. That’s so awesome you learned it though! Not a lot of people speak it that weren’t raised in a Latin family. My mom says that’s really cool and wants to know how you liked Ecuador.

artbyy/n: Thanks! I know right. I love the language and culture. I just love languages and cultures in general though. Really I could sit and listen to someone tell me about their culture for hours. In my free time last year I started teaching myself Italian too just because languages are cool. 

artbyy/n: Ecuador is the most beautiful country I have ever been too. I cried like a baby when I left. Everyone was so nice there, including my host family. I miss my host mom so much :( she’s the light of my life lol.

joelpimentel: I love languages too! I try to learn a few words from every country I visit. The world is an incredibly cool place haha. I’m interested just like you are :). 

joelpimentel: Ecuador is amazing. One of my bandmates, Chris, is from Ecuador! He’d be so happy to hear you loved it. Aw, I’m sorry :( hopefully, you can visit soon.

The conversation goes on for hours like this, and you only realize when your stomach starts rumbling from lack of food. Really, you’re never on your phone, so it’s odd for you to sit, staring at a screen all day long. A smile has been plastered across your face the entirety of the conversation, and you can’t help but hope he keeps talking to you for a while. It seems you both have the same likes and dislikes, so the flow of conversation is some of the easiest you’ve ever had. 

The smile on your face lasts the rest of the day as you two happily text until it is time to go to bed. When he wishes you goodnight, you swoon, phone dropping onto your chest as you stare up at the ceiling grinning.

Oh boy, you’re in for some trouble.

———————————————————————————————————--

do we want a part two?

[fgjhysyjktyujh-blog]

So You Want to Know How to Paint in Oil Like Van Gogh and Picasso? Here's Oil Painting 101!

a strange process the public has thought was relegated to the few and the eccentric. Musicians as well as their lives have constantly been an unusual type, yet painting a huge body of original oil paints has actually likewise been an excellent method to drive oneself into immortality. The paints will certainly constantly be there, taking a trip via history, with your name on it! So by this definition it's most definitely an honorable occupation. Think Dali, van Gogh, Picasso, Rembrandt and da Vinci. Each enjoys a soaring online reputation of what others may consider crafts. As well as their online reputations only expand bigger in time. What other career supplies that possibility? So who got the last laugh? Well, van Gogh did, obviously. He's for life celebrated as one of the greatest human beings to have ever lived. Okay for somebody that never made a cent in his own life time. However in the age of the Internet and the globally marketplace, artists don't have to starve any longer. I'm not depriving, and I'm making money doing what I enjoy. I can also function anywhere, whether I'm on holiday or traveling to unique areas. I love that the most regarding it. I can do whatever I desire and also wherever I desire, as well as publish a paint for sale from Ibiza, Paris, London ... or Omaha. I wouldn't patronize anyone. As well as you won't either if you operate at it and also treat as a means to provide beauty to the globe and make money for it!

The purpose of this article is to take the secret out of the procedure of paint. This short article is just written to obtain you started. I'll create extra in-depth strategies later on. However this short article will certainly establish you on your means to trying out and having fun with paint. Inevitably it's like anything in this globe. Before you have the expertise, it's complicated. Once you have it, it's very easy! Knowledge is power, and also this sensation certainly applies to paint. The technological facets are the very easy component. Anyone can do it. You eventually could be as capable as Monet with method. We humans can do whatever we make a decision to do! Deciding WHAT to paint is the tough part. It takes technique and also a however focused need to develop one paint after an additional. For whatever factor, I loved it the minute I began. And I never looked back. I love it today as high as I did over 16 years back. I never ever have "writer's block" either as to what to paint. I simply paint from my experiences in life. So do not think too hard on it. Paint that apple resting on the table, or repaint the tree in your very own backyard, repaint your girlfriend in an unusual way. But paint something that implies something to you, that's all that issues. Make it fashionable, make it fascinating. If it's abstract, bear in mind that abstract art has actually long been the most desirable. It's an expression of the private, make it one-of-a-kind. For those who desire realism, take a picture. What's amazing is that as soon as you do it, you understand it's the utmost getaway into joy. Instantly you neglect your issues for that period of time. You have control, and also nobody can take it far from you once you are proficient at painting. The procedure is addictive. However like anything, you have to BEGINNING! And as soon as you do, look out ... you'll be addicted.

OK, let's start. Step one ... supplies. You need a level brush, a follower, a small detail brush and a couple of Filberts. A filbert is a rounded side brush that lets you navigate the paint quickly without going outside the sides. Inevitably get brushes that you like however, and also make them function. Followers permit you to mix, for instance. I utilize followers a lot and also it's just how I graduate color throughout my photos. Every little thing I repaint is by hand ... no airbrushing or aides. I want it to be an expression of me as well as no one else. You likewise need an oil painting medium to blend with the oil paint to make it much more fluid, and also to speed up or reduce the drying out process. Whichever you like. Most likely to the art store and do not be afraid to request aid ... they'll love helping you! A tool is merely an additive fluid which raises gloss, makes it stream easily, maintains the coating in time, maintains it from yellowing. I personally like Galkyd and Galkyd Lite. If that isn't readily available, get a medium that appears like liquid amber as well as is sort of thick. Do not buy watery looking mediums ... too tough to deal with.

The lite variation of Galkyd is merely thinner. I utilize it more than the other. I enjoy it. Paintings I did 16 years ago making use of Galkyds look as immaculate as the day I repainted them. You'll additionally require a canvas as well as some paint. I buy a tube of red, eco-friendly, blue, purple, yellow, brown, white and black. I favor what's called Ivory Black and also a soft blending white as you'll include white to a great deal of various shades to lighten versions. From these basic shades you can make any type of unique color by blending them in combination's. Be imaginative as well as experiment. And don't hesitate of color, due to the fact that shade is the most preferred in museums! The bright paintings are traditionally the group faves. As for shade selection from these standard colors, mix red and white to make pink, mix yellow with green to make lime green, white with blue to make light blue, white with black to make grey, and so on. Utilize your good sense as well as have fun with it! You'll additionally require pencils, an eraser as well as some Turpentine or Turpentine replacement. Keep your brushes taking in it in a plastic mug to maintain them clean and also ready for your following shade selection ... and also to keep them from drying.

For more info : Painting CompanyName Majestic Handyman Ogden Address 367 20th St Suite F Unit 2, Ogden, UT 84401 Phone (801) 845-9055 Google Map URL https://www.google.com/maps/place/Majestic+Handyman+Ogden/@41.230773,-111.970756,15z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x0:0x993aa47a5cec7301?sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwifo9ipmMzlAhUxLn0KHaxEAXYQ_BIwE3oECA4QCA

[mysticsparklewings]

Bug Girl

My WIP Wednesday! piece is all finished!   (Warning: LOOOOOOONG description about the art process ahead!  ) I don't think it's terribly obvious for a number of reasons (at least not at first), but this piece is actually a bit of fan art/inspired by How to make Friends with the Dark by Kathleen Glasgow, which I finished reading Monday night--Though I actually started this piece a couple of days before   There's a concept that gets brought up a few different times in the book of the main character Tiger imagining a "bug-girl" in a jar, usually to help visualize her emotions to us, the audience. This concept really resonates and stuck with me even before I finished the book, and thus I was compelled to draw it. Technically the way I see that concept in my head looks different from what I've done here, so sometime in the future I may take another stab at it, but for this time I wanted to strengthen the connection between the bug-girl concept and the book, so visually I modeled the overall aesthetic largely off of the book's cover; white lines and white dots on a dark blue background that has a slight gradient at the bottom. The gradient on the cover is more subtle and is more on the lines than the background itself, but I took artistic liberty on that to make my life a little easier. My original plan was to do the background with watercolor, do the lines digitally and print them out (since I had some kinks in the sketch I wanted to experiment with digitally instead of doing a lot of additional drawing and erasing) and then use my lightbox and a white gel pen to trace directly on top of the watercolor, then splatter away with some white ink. But of course, things can never be that simple. The way I see it in my head, the bug-girl has, well, bug eyes, but for this piece, I didn't want to lean too heavily into the "creepy" factor, given it doesn't really fit with the content of the book (which is a great read if you like realistically heavy YA novels, by the way) so I angled her head down and her hair covering her face to keep from having to make the decision on whether or not I wanted to go with that look. And additionally to do proper bug eyes (at least the kind I was imagining) would've involved a lot of tiny circle/cell shapes, and I imagine that would've made things feel too crowded or would have blended into the splatters/background in an uncomfortable way. Additionally, I was going to have her wings raised behind her, but after playing around with a few different references and positions in Photoshop (knowing full well I was not happy with the original wings from the sketch that I completely free-handed), I felt like this more asymmetrical, lowered position and dragonfly-type structure just looked better and fits better with some of the movements of the wings described in the book (using them to cover her eyes, etc.) which in most cases aren't technically plausible with normal bug wings. My first real problem was with the jar. Realistically, it needed to be tall enough for the girl to stand at full height at least. And in theory, probably a little bit higher so it would be more comfortable overall and so that in theory she wouldn't just stand up and be able to push the lid off. But I was having issues with the sizing because the jar could only be so big so that A. it would fit comfortably on my paper and B. if it was too tall, the empty space between the top of the jar and the girl would noticeably awkward. So I fiddled with that for way too long and ultimately, it's probably too short, but the size balanced is more comfortable to the eyes, I think. (I also added the cross-hatching to the lid to make it more obvious there was a lid since originally it just kind of looked like the jar had a very wide lip.) I also gave her a set of antennae, and after trying the concept of segmenting her whole body to be more bug-like (which was way too many lines everywhere) I decided to add some plates on the front of her forearms and calves. It's not much at all, but I didn't want to stick solely to traditionally "fairy" imagery since she's a bug-girl, not a fairy, but in this lines-only format, there was only so much I could do and still get the proper impact I was looking for. Speaking of which... I did a lot of swatching and testing of my various watercolors that I have on hand to A. get the colors I wanted right, B. practice my blending of two colors with more paint than water since I wanted very dark, opaque colors, and C. test if my lightbox would even work under the thick watercolor paper and the actual watercolor. However, I made two errors in judgment during the testing: 1. The areas I swatched to test were considerably smaller than the actual size of the area I wanted to cover and even with my biggest brush when I went to do a practice go I very quickly realized that was going to take an absurd amount of paint, time, effort, and I was very likely to run into some blending problems with the gradient. (So, in summary, half-pan-sized watercolors and mostly small brushes are not great for very large areas) 2. Once I realized the above, (and I had already done two very quick tests with alcohol markers and that idea almost immediately went out the window for the same issue) I had to switch course and ended up using some water-soluble pencils (one Arteza Woodless Watercolor Pencil for the dark blue and one Derwent Inktense pencil for the dark teal at the bottom) to lay down the color for the background and then wet them down to smooth out the color. Which turned out pretty nicely, especially once they dried. (I was a little worried at first since while still wet it was looking kind of patchy and weird ) The problem with number 2 is that after it had fully dried (aside from the paper curling pretty badly since it was in a sketchbook and I didn't think to tape the edges of the page down before taking water to it, which was mostly fixed pretty easily by wetting down the back of the page and sitting a very heavy box on it while it dried overnight) when I went to use the lightbox, the pigment from the water-soluble pencils was noticeably more opaque than the straight watercolor tests/swatched I had looked at previously. It wasn't so opaque that I couldn't see my lines underneath at all but it was opaque enough that a lot of the smaller details wear really hard to see. And thus I had a pretty big problem on my hands. What I should have done was trace the lines in black on the blank paper first so they would be more likely to show through the pigment in the first place and there's a good chance that would've fixed the problem, even if I still needed the lightbox to see those lines perfectly. But hindsight is always 20/20 so that knowledge didn't really fix the matter at hand. I knew pretty instantly that I didn't want to try tracing the lines onto another piece of watercolor paper and trying to color matter since I seem to always have majorly noticeable issues with that, especially when there's a gradient involved, and also because I knew when I scanned it in it would be fairly obviously there were two layers of paper instead of one because of how thick watercolor paper is. I also knew alcohol markers were out because, again, color matching issues with the selection available to me, and also from some of my much earlier testing with trying to get the specific gradient that I wanted. That left me with colored pencils. And thus I went through the five different sets I use enough to keep where I can easily access them (I have others I don't like as much that would've just been a waste of time) and started swatching colors on a piece of the same paper I had the lines on and then held them up to the background to color match as closely as possible. I ended up picking one dark blue and one dark teal each from both my Prismacolor and Polychromos sets since the blue from the Prismacolor was closer but the teal from the Polychromos was closer but they were both slightly off, so to keep the texture consistent I mixed both together for both colors. This ended up being a very good idea in hindsight because I finished off with a final layer of the Polychromos and that kept my white gel pen from having the problems it would normally have over straight-Prismacolor pigment. (Since Prismacolors are wax-based the wax usually clogs the pen tip very easily; the Polychromos are oil-based, so the oil created a slicker layer between the wax and the pen). And all I did was use my lightbox to see the black printed lines through the colored pencil as easily as possible and went back over them with my white Sakura Gelly Roll, then I went back and outlined the jar and the lid specifically with my white Uni-Ball Signo, since the ink is slightly brighter and the nib is larger. Once that was all done to my satisfaction, I cut out the girl in her jar and placed it on the watercolor background with some double-sided tape I picked up the day before from DollarTree, clipping a few edges so they'd be as flush with the edges of the paper as possible. And I figured that would be a better idea than glue because the glue had a very good potential of being very messy and leaving notable marks. The tape was just a safer bet. And fortunately, the paper laid pretty flat, save for a couple of spots I either missed because I applied the tape by lifting up the edges so I wouldn't totally lose my placement or up by some of the nooks and crannies that make up the ridges at the top of the jar that were just too small to do individually. And there is one spot where that tape wrinkled on me, but it's fortunately not terribly noticeable in the final product. Then I made a paper mask for the girl inside the jar and got to move on to the slightly more fun part; I dipped a paintbrush in some white ink (white ink as opposed to white watercolor because I was concerned the water part might cause some reaction to the existing watercolor background that I didn't want and I was a little concerned it would make the non-watercolor paper that the girl and the jar were drawn on warp) and started tapped it against another paint brush to get splatters everywhere. I masked the girl since I was pretty sure she'd blend in too much if she got splattered too. After the ink was dry, I removed the mask and went in with the white Gelly Roll again to make some stars here and there; mostly just because I wanted to since the original book cover only has dots. I left it at that for the night since it was almost 3 and I was tired, but I came back to it the next day and racked my brain for a bit since it felt like it was missing something. I ultimately ended up putting the mask back on the girl and used my pastel blue PanPastel to create a glow effect around her. After that, I scanned it and did make some minor adjustments in Photoshop (mostly color correction, but there were a couple of black lines of shadow around the edge of the jar since it was still a separate piece of paper on top of the other one at the end of the day. And here we are. It's still not perfection, but I am ultimately happy with it since I think I got the look I was after in the end. Plus, I think I capture the spirit of the original book cover's style pretty well ____ Artwork (c) me, MysticSparkleWings I do not own How to make Friends with the Dark or the cover art ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[tabbycasto]

The Purge (Cruelty Free dupes for makeup artists & enthusiasts) Round 3

Here’s another round of makeup that I’ve managed to find suitable cruelty free alternatives to. If you’re looking to go cruelty free and want to find some great dupes check out my other two posts with more swap overs Here (Post 1) and Here (Post 2).  Although I’m not 100% cruelty free yet I’m looking into alternatives and these are products that I’ve tried on both myself and in a professional capacity. I’ll continue to share these as I switch my kit : 

The Mascaras 

[Photography Charlotte Rutherford for Bullet Magazine]

Saying goodbye to all the Mac mascaras that I used and loved and moving over to several new brands. Lets start with Pixi! Absolutely love their Black Waterproof Mascara. If you are London based they have a shop in Covent Garden and I would 100% recommend popping in as the shop is generally quite a  calm shopping experience and the staff are always available to help with questions. Illamasqua Gain Mascara is also a really nice dupe as it’s full coverage black and does the job. Both Pixi and Illamasqua have makeup artist pro programs as well. If you’re not around those shops you can check out Elf Cosmetics on the hughstreet at your local Superdrug. Good value for money. I recommend the Plump It Up Mascara. 

The Setting Spray/Face Mist

[Photography Sophie Ellen / Hair Alaister Jubbs at Vae Hair]

Letting go of Mac Fix + was one of those things I didn’t think I’d be able to do. It was a kit staple for years and I had never found a contender that worked quite as well as it did... until I was introduced to Jane Iredale! Not only did I find a contender but the Jane Iredale Face Mists are also organic and smell AMAZING AND they have a range of sprays for different needs (oily skin, hydrating etc) I personally love their Pommist which has Pomegranate extract in it. Check them out here . Makeup artist note Jane Iredale ALSO shave a pro programme available. 

The Brow Pencils

[Photography Fabiana Delcanton]

For a makeup artist, brows are IMPORTANT. Whether they’re brushed up with clear gel, structured with pencil or just given a little bit more of an arch, its rare that a makeup artist wouldn’t have a huge range of brow products in their kit. I’ve found loads of brow pencil alternatives both high end and on the high street since I started to switch my kit. I’m saying goodbye to Mac Lingering , Spiked and Fling and replacing these with the bargain price Elf range which works a treat and for those interested in organic makeup - check out Jane Iredale��s - they have recently  updated their colour range as well. In terms of a softer pencil replacements I’d highly recommend the Barry M range! The colours are long lasting and they blend into the brow really well. I like that they come with a little comb on the end as well. 

The Eyeshadow Stick

Goodbye Mac Shadesticks (to be fair these are discontinued now and needed to go!) If you’re looking for everyday wear shades like subtle browns and nudes head to your local Superdrug and check out  Elf No Budge Shadow Stick + Gosh Cosmetics Forever Eye Shadow Stick! They don’t crease throughout the day and work beautifully under eyeshadows as a primer. If you’re looking for something with a brighter colour pop shout out to 3ina who have a fab range of bright coloured stick shadows as well! 

The Face Primer

Okay this is a bit of a funny one because I actually have a range of face primers for different things. However the one I used to use THE MOST was this Smashbox Photo Finish Primer which worked a treat for editorial jobs. I’m switching it up for this fantastic but rather wobbly Illamasqua Hydra Veil Primer. It comes in a little pot and when you put it on the skin it has a really fresh and cooling sensation that clients/models LOVE.

Part hydrator, part primer, Hydra Veil instantly hydrates and smooths skin through a self-levelling, futuristic clear gel

 Microalgae, Vitamin C and B3 work together to help maintain skins hydration levels, creating a healthy looking, balanced finish

Plant extracts also provide a calming and refreshing feeling, leaving skin fully prepped to apply your chosen foundation.

 The Matte Face Primer

Another skincare product I’m leaving behind is this Mac Matte Primer. I used to use this for a lot of male grooming jobs and on clients with really oily skin. I’ve found an organic alternative in Jane Iredale’s Absence Oil Control Primer.  

Reduces sebaceous hypersecretion with Hydrated Silica and also helps to regulate the pH balance of the skin; however, it does not affect the skin’s moisture, only the oil ( the interaction of oil and make-up is one of the principal causes of color change.)

 Smoothes the appearance of pores and fine lines. 

Calms and soothes. Reduces redness. 

Key Ingredients include Hydrated Silica which holds seven times its molecular weight in moisture. 

 Green Tea Leaf Extract Calms. Protects. Provides bacterial protection.

The Matte Contouring Palette / Bronzer 

[Photography Mateus Sitek, Hair KT Girl Hair for Revs Magazine]

Goodbye Mac Matte Bronzer and hello Jane Iredale Contouring Palette’s. I love this swap over as Jane Iredale make both a warm and a cool palette with three shades in each (a bronzer, a blusher and a highlighter). 

The Matte Eyebrow Palette 

[Photography Mateusz Sitek]

A good mate eyebrow palette for me is essential. I rarely am without one on jobs because if I get one of those “no makeup makeup” requests, I like to make life harder on myself and still pop a little eyeshadow on! I had some kit favourites such as Mac Wedge and Embark eyeshadow but moving forward I’ve found this lovely Tarte Cosmetic Tartelette Amazonian Clay Matte Palette which has a good range of softer colours , highlights and also deeper tones too. This brand IS now in the UK and you can find them here . 

The White Foundation 

[Photography Mateusz Sitek]

If you’re not a makeup artist you might be looking at this and thinking ??? WHITE FOUNDATION. Yes white foundation my friends. Makeup artists... you know! This is a KIT STAPLE - in order to effectively mix shades of foundation  together I used to always trust my Mac White Face & Body Foundation, but these days I’m using Illamasqua who have the perfect cruelty free dupes. They do a sheerer white foundation in the form of their Skin Base SB01 or a much fuller coverage *also this is great for Halloween or period makeup* Rich Liquid Foundation. I like options. I’m loving Illamasqua for this! 

The Cream Blusher

[Mote Paper Magazine Outtake shot by Joanna W]

Again another really easy product to swap over. Their are LOADS of brands doing gorgoeus cream blushers. I used to have a variety of non cruelty free cream blushers decanted in a little travel size box but I’ve not swapped these over for Glossier Cloud Paint. Great colour choices. SUPER CUTE packaging and of course like all these swap overs ... cruelty free 

More to follow as my kit transforms. Please feel free to drop me a comment or message if you have any exciting cruelty free product dupes you’d like to share ! I’m always on the look out for new brands which offer great alternatives. 

[thenarcolepticone]

Phantasm

by TheNarcolepticOne

Day 2 + Day 5: Spooky Colors ( @aphfallfandomweek )

AO3

Summary: Lovino was the relative in the family that no one particularly liked to visit. And wasn’t because he was crude: this was a misconception developed from the in-laws of the family who wanted to steal some of the family’s rich heritage. Rather, Lovino was just a different kind of Vargas. Or at least, Feliciano liked to think that his brother was.

Characters: APH Italy, APH South Italy, APH Spain.

Warnings: None. But it's spooky I guess? If you don't like spooks.

A/N: I... put two concepts into one story again -- I'm SORRY it's just very addicting to try and put them all together because it forces me to try and creatively shove them together. I hope it's not too clunky though... I've not actually posted any stories online with Feliciano or Lovino. Not yet anyway. It's not meant to be anything hard to look into, actually, so don't look too hard into this story.

##

Lovino was the relative in the family that no one particularly liked to visit. And wasn’t because he was crude: this was a misconception developed from the in-laws of the family who wanted to steal some of the family’s rich heritage. Rather, Lovino was just a different kind of Vargas. Or at least, Feliciano liked to think that his brother was.

Lovino liked to spend a lot of his days alone too and occupied the spare room of Feliciano’s paint studio when he came back from a long day from working at the pastry shop. Feliciano had given the space to him out of sympathy, as no one else in his family seemed to put an effort into knowing his brother beyond just his strange behaviors. Except for him and his Grandfather of course, but Romulus had passed away some time ago, leaving only Feliciano to be the sole caretaker of his brother.

Calloused hands and flour dusted fingers from folding dough and wheat did nothing to dissuade Lovino from coming over in the evenings to continue his work in his project room. Lovino always mentioned finishing the same painting that he started two months ago and had never let Feliciano see it since he bought his brother the easel.

Now, Lovino was one of the best water color artists that Feliciano had ever know. It deviated a lot with his own style, but not in a bad way. Feliciano often liked the crispness of oil-based paints in its raw form upon a canvas while Lovino once told him that he enjoyed the medium of water because he felt the transparency of the paint reflect a sort of ‘ambiguity’. He liked an image of a color that wasn’t quite solid and wasn’t too minimalist either, which made Feliciano very empathetic to his art pieces most of the time.

Lovino was a schizophrenic, part-time freelance artist.

It wasn’t a very pretty title, but it was because of this stigma that Lovino often told people of his condition first, like a warning, before accepting any commissions from any eager client. Lovino didn’t enjoy the idea of people giving him sympathy and especially disliked being compared to van Gogh in any way, shape or form.

Rather, he preferred patrons that were honest with him. And it was a trait that Feliciano envied; having interactions between others without that sense of superficiality to it.

Lovino was more grounded to the realities of people more than Feliciano ever was. And that, alone, was the reason why Feliciano loved his brother dearly. And the same reason why he had even given him the room in the first place.

Though, just because Lovino got commissions didn’t mean that he received a lot of them. The man would often burst into Feliciano’s small business building without a word and retreat his secret sanctuary in silence. But Feliciano never minded it; his brother’s business was his own.

That was, until one day Feliciano heard his brother talking alone inside of his room one night after washing all of his brushes. Feliciano had planned to leave early, as he had a scheduled 8:30 AM appointment with his next model soon. But the sounds of his brother speaking was what drawn him to stop and listen.

“Hang on,” Lovino was heard groaning on the other side of the door. “I’ll finish this part soon. Stop giving me that look, won’t you? It’s intimidating, and you’ll make me rush it.”

Feliciano quietly set his used brushes from earlier that day into a bucket nearby. And, watching his feet to ensure he did not step on anything, Feliciano leaned against the thin white door to eavesdrop.

“Yes, Toni. I know you like red. But I’ve already painted enough leaves around you. Any more of them and I’m sure you’ll look like you’re in front of a volcano!”

Feliciano bit his lip. A quick suspicion made Feliciano assume that Lovino snuck a male model into the room. But looking at the base of the door, he saw some movement of shadows.

But he could not distinguish if this was his brother’s movements or not.

“There. See?” Lovino murmured. “It was the green that was missing. Not the red. Red wouldn’t make much sense to add on to you. It’s like wearing a red shirt, red pants, red shoes and red socks: it doesn’t match.”

Feliciano moved away from the door now, perhaps realizing that Lovino wasn’t quite... himself. Lovino often had episodes of these, but ever since he had been on medication, he hadn’t fallen into the habit of babbling to himself until now. 

But he didn’t want to be too straightforward with Lovino either. Pointing out his strange behavior would only strain their relationship as his only caring family relative and the last thing Feliciano wanted to do was to make his brother annoyed with him because wasn’t caring enough to shut up appropriately.

Choosing instead to promptly ignore the conversation in the other room, Feliciano began pack his things, set his coat on and retreat home to sleep. He and Lovino did not live in the same places, so he was never really sure about what time his brother went home.

But as Feliciano attempted to sleep, he couldn’t help but start to wonder about Lovino again. The way he talked behind that door and the emotion in Lovino’s voice that really almost sounded like he was speaking to his painting... the curiosity had burrowed itself into Feliciano’s brain enough to the point of making him unable to sleep. And months of secrecy on Lovino’s end was enough to draw Feliciano back into his car and drive right back to the studio.

It was just quarter past two in the morning when Feliciano arrived, fall air breezing through his hair. His keys clinked as he opened the door, and he turned the lights on, immediately heading for the forbidden room.

He swung the door open gently, turning on the lights.

The room was an absolute chaotic mess, as if someone had ransacked the place. It scared Feliciano a minute to think that the perpetrator would be somewhere nearby, but Feliciano did a quick sweep around the perimeter of the room.

No one.

The only object that was the most preserved in the mess was an easel and canvas in the center of the room, draped by a tattered blanket.

Feliciano frowned, feeling his chest compress. He felt like was violating his brother’s trust by peeking into his personal work. It wasn’t as if he was planning to do anything bad, right? Just looking.

Feliciano took a breath, going up to the painting and removing the cloth.

It was the portrait of a man that Feliciano had never seen before. The paint that was included in the picture was layered upon each other, blending a lot more smoothly into indescribable mixes of color; the paint’s opacity made it a hard to tell the difference if the color was in between red, yellow or green. The brush strokes that framed the man’s clothing were cleverly blended with the darker colors to contour the light more to the man’s chest, rather than the shoulders and overcoat. It curved at the exact angles that highlighted the physique under the painting’s clothing, and it caused Feliciano to realize that he had been holding his breath when he finished examining it.

Lovino really did pull reality from his imagination. The only thing that made the painting appear unrealistic was the white edges of the unfinished background and unpainted pencil-etched leaves. The picture was meant to fully depict a Spaniard of the 1600’s in the middle of the fall leaves, posing right before his voyage over the Atlantic. The portrait man gazed back at Feliciano, looking soft in his features but held a sense of power behind his gaze. The eyes were a piercing green, and it made Feliciano feel like he was being watched. They also looked like they were following him when he moved around even more, causing Feliciano to be completely unsettled by the eye movement. It was enough to make Feliciano want to leave.

It’s then that Feliciano grabbed the cloth, pulling it over the painting’s gaze as he retreated out back to the parking lot, heart beating from almost practically sprinting out of the building. He locked the door twice for good measure and checked it before starting his car.

##

The next morning hadn’t been too unusual after that. Feliciano had fought the evening’s events out of his brain when his patron showed up; a man who looked entirely ready for his own portrait by dressing in outrageous clothing. Feliciano could deal with outrageous.

He had spent the day avoiding the room when he was doing his own work and waited patiently for his brother to return after work.

Eventually, Lovino did come through the door. But not before Feliciano stopped him. His model had long gone at that point, giving Feliciano more time to speak to him.

“Fratello,” he called to his brother, causing Lovino to turn his head to him with tired attentiveness. “What are you painting in that room? I’ve always been meaning to ask.”

Lovino gave Feliciano an incredulous expression. But not before just sighing. “I’m actually almost done with it anyway. I suppose you could look at it.”

Feliciano practically jumped at this opportunity to be with his brother, dropping his palette onto a nearby table as he grabbed a towel to wipe his hands off on the way to follow Lovino back into the room.

But by the time his brother had opened the door, he felt himself freeze.

The room was practically spotless. Or at least, there wasn’t a place out of order like it had been last night. It looked as if someone had cleaned it, though Feliciano was 400% sure he had locked the door that evening and had not touched anything else in the room. Especially after seeing the gaze of that frightening man under the blanket on the canvas. He couldn’t stay after that!

When Lovino uncovered the painting, Feliciano had to bite his tongue.

The man that had stared at him last night was turned away from the viewer’s perspective, head turning to look back at the autumn scenery behind him. It caused Feliciano to rub his eyes, trying to understand how his brain was playing tricks on him.

He can’t have just imagined last night all on his own. Could he?

“Like it?” Lovino said, having not noticed Feliciano at all since he had also been staring at his own work and criticizing it himself. “It’s... not quite there yet. I’m missing a lot of the edges and leaves. But I think one more week would finally get this done.”

“W-Who is that?” Feliciano fought his voice to remain calm as possible, which clearly wasn’t working too well. “In the picture?”

“Someone I keep running into in my dreams,” Lovino sighed. “You know. Those dreams.”

Feliciano turned his gaze back to Lovino, who now appeared much quieter and more reserved after admitting that clause. Feliciano frowned at that. Lovino was trying to hide his hallucinations again. And fighting the urge to reveal the reason behind his own state of panic, Feliciano noticed that he began to say something else as well.

“I’m jealous, Lovino,” Feliciano replied. “I don’t think I’ve ever been able to really... do the same as you when it comes to painting in water color. It’s strange because it looks so real. Like it can move on its own.”

Lovino laughed at that. “You’re the only one who can see the reality of everything, Feli. I’ll admit it; sometimes I see the painting move all the time. And I think I can say that this one of my best works.” Lovino felt his smile soften when he stared at his masterpiece. “Antonio. That’s what I call it. It’s a name in Spanish that means something of value and praise.”

“I... didn’t take you for the type to be researching on name meanings, Lovi.”

“Shut up. Just because the names of your pieces are long doesn’t mean that mine have to be.”

Feliciano relaxed at that. “It’s beautiful, fratello.”

“It’s not finished yet,” Lovino murmured. “I’ll get it done soon. But I’d like to be alone, if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Feliciano went to the door, letting him the space. And with a smile, he closed the door again.

But the second the door clicked shut, Feliciano’s expression that he had been keeping up had dropped. And fear poured into his heart as he dared to open the door once more.

“Lovino?”

The room was empty, with a gust of wind blowing into the room with the faintest smell of wet grass and undergrowth.

Feliciano stared at the picture that was revealed to him.

There, amid all of the colors of the fall within the canvas, was Lovino. And next to him was the man he had seen in the piercing green eyes, smiling right at Feliciano as he had an arm around his shoulders.

Feliciano only stared for a few moments before feeling himself drawn into the room. And with a final examination, grabbed the cloth again to cover the painting up as he picked it up into his arms to take home.

[aggresivelyfriendly]

~Who Names The Colors~

Chapter 5- L’atelier Rouge

So this chapter poured out after in saw that image-the red one- of a harry look alike with his face between a ladies thighs and her hand in his hair….I reblogged it earlier-I’m sure I’ll reblog it tonight, and many more times in the future. Because I think about it alllll the time!!! 

It’s Inspiring!

As are @bleedinglove4h, @nocontrolforlouis, and @dirtystyles, MUAH!!

Oct 2014

Jo could see it so clearly, the red of the walls already cast a hue onto the occupants, whether the source of light was the window or the dingy hanging bulb over head. Harry would like red too.

She was red. That was for sure. If she had a palette and brush in her hand she would be mixing a little brown into her crimson to dull the orange and bring the color's brightness down to the hue of her desire. She imagined it would be deep and saturated, like Bordeaux or Syrah. She liked to drink Syrah when she was painting through upset. So maybe Boudreaux if she was painting out desire. Jo liked to have her wine accompany her mood. Like white with fish and red with steak.

He looked like a three course meal in front of her.

In her mind's eye it wasn't unrequited or unmet, the desire that pulsed up and through when he answered the door to his apartment in his current state. She was often on a low simmer for him, had been since his metamorphosis. It's power today though was shocking, like someone knocking you on the chin, but with brass knuckles. Jo's head is reeling and whirring from the blow. Her imagination is fired. And in her head Harry feels it too. Feels her and her ache and her thrust. So, there would be no preamble, which would never happen, clearly. Men wanted their tit and a blow job usually before they went for that tat. But in her fantastical reimagining of her first time in Harry's home studio, there was no tit. He just pulled her down to the flat table, shoved supplies to the side, pushed the flowy fabric of her long skirt up to her waist and grinned at her lack of underwear. She didn't wear them as a rule, but how would he know that? It would give him immediate access and his long stare would make her the opposite of self conscious, because he poured over her form the way he did the Van Gogh at the museum last week.

In the museum, he'd been entranced by the thickness of the brush strokes. "They are so full of emotion! I can feel this!" He'd been the most excited student there with her and she once again saw those flames around his head, his spark. Jo knew then that she needed to see his current art. He had been a bit of a prodigy as a teenager, but he told her that first day in her office that he had been painting voraciously ever since then. And all the sparks and ignition of ideas she could see coming out of his ears made her excited. As much as the trip to London was gassing up his artistic engine, she knew a trip to his studio would fill up her tank too.

She was wet, had been from anticipation before getting here and stayed that way when he answered the door in a pair of threadbare gray jeans and a half buttoned plaid. He'd pushed his hair back with a hand and Jo thrilled at all the tattoos on the underside of his arm where his sleeve was rolled. Jo had to stop herself from reaching forward and keeping his elbow pointing up so she could look at them all. For a boy obsessed with color, she wanted to ask why only one or two tattoos had pigment at all.

She kept her hands to herself, a little confused by the urges she felt, like seeing Zoe reach for a flame at her first bonfire or Ethan weep for the girl least interested. But seeing the art on his body was exciting and she hadn't even seen any of his creations yet. Jo couldn't imagine how she'd put a cork back in now that she has seen him in his place of revelation. Not that there was an adequate seal on her simmering need since he'd walked out of his cocoon into her house what was now years ago.

He's called her to come over, they had spoken in her office recently and arranged for a time for her to see his studio. But two days later and two before the appointed time, her phone had rung with a frantic, rambling H on the other line.

His mood was contagious, and her body had translated it into a different energy.

Harry pushed the door closed behind her and began talking really fast. Especially for him. He usually had a slow cadence to his words and he carefully placed each, like his thoughts were a puzzle and he had to find where the edges matched. It made you listen, and emphasized the low thick sounds he made.

There was none of that now, he was in a fit of inspiration, and its fire matched the one Zoe had last night when Jo had sliced her cheese instead of giving her the whole block to chew on.

"Jo, I mean Professor Smith," that makes her a little slicker, too. Her own name on his tongue and her title was even more titillating. His excitement was palpable, pulmonary, beating out of him and into her. His excitement was not carnal at all, but artistic, but Jo's was definitely centered in her core, not in her imagination. Though that is firing too. And her twin drives have melded like an alloy for her in his presence, art and act merged in his red painted forge.

She was thinking she couldn't meet him here again when she realized he was still talking.

"I found her last night. Haven't slept I've been so busy defining her edges. That's why I had to call you, though I'm not exactly ready I couldn't wait.. Sorry 'bout that, not being ready, studio is a mess," and he led her into what she assumed was meant to be a second bedroom with bright red walls. It was covered in canvases, some blank, but mostly covered in oils and acrylics, stacked around and against most of the walls, three and four deep. The piece he immediately went to was giant, which was why she had to come to his apartment to see it, he couldn't bring it to her. It was a blended landscape of golden hills. Jo actually kind of recognized the geographical forms, but the colors were wildly washed out for verdant England. "But, I've always done landscapes, think you may remember that, it's what I started with. I've tried before, to draw people - my mum and Gem, even Ethan once. I almost had Zoe, but she just turned into a wave, think she was gonna be a mermaid anyway, though those are vaguely humanoid in shape." He shrugged and kept walking to the far right quadrant of the painting. He was still excitedly talking and picked up a pencil, went right back into what she imagined he had been doing when she knocked.

Jo scanned him, his bare feet with a smudge of charcoal on the right heel and a bit of red pigment on his big left toe were sensual and lurid to her. His black encased legs were sexy even at the ankles and his thighs, when her tracing gaze reached them, reminded her of one of Michelangelo's subjects, thick and with obvious definition even through the denim. His shirt covered his ass, thankfully -she wasn't sure she could take that - and was loose over his abdomen and he was faced away so she couldn't see the bare skin. Only the tattoos on his nearly sleeved left arm and it's almost bare twin were exposed. But the pull of the fabric across his broad upper back made her think of a tree. Sprawling and wide, full of life giving strength. Self sustaining and capable of holding weight.

Could he hold her weight? If Jo pressed herself to him, literally came onto him. Would he heft her up onto his hips and take her down before he took her. She couldn't even listen to him talk, heard the dull roar of her own blood rushing to needy areas instead of his voice. Unless she concentrated on his low down rumble.

And when she did.

Well, Jo wanted to spread herself on the low table, offer herself as a meal to him there. She imagined the light in the red room as that deep wine red again and him leaving her shirt on, not bothering to strip her bare up top at all. Hungry for the pulsing center of life on her own body. Her cunt may not carry out photosynthesis, but it certainly had made and brought forth existence. Worthy of a feast, and to be feasted on. 

Jo imagined the open purse of his mouth around her. Her thighs formed a cradle for his head. The urge to rock took her and she squirmed on the couch while he sketched for a minute. She should have been looking around his studio, but she could only watch him work and imagine him at other work. A man's work. The curls of his head, especially the ringlet on the left side and the swoop over his forehead, made her want to pull them up to run her fingers through while she moaned and moaned. Or the bun, god she wanted to used the bun as a handle. The first time he had walked into class with it she had tilted her head like a curious dog. She wasn't sure she liked it. Now she was. She wanted to grip it, and moan. She wanted to say his name.

"Har, Har-ry?" God, the ache and catch in the syllable break, it sounded like driving down a rutted road to a home you never thought you'd be allowed go back to. He must've heard it. Because he stopped sketching and his back stiffened. She watched his chest pick up in pace and he put down the pencil, she couldn't see what his hand did after that, but it was something hidden near his midsection and she heard him suck in a breath before he let his head fall for just a second. Then he squared up, like a fighter entering the final round. He turned to her. And the look on his face? The look there was an open valley after a long climb.

His eyes, what color were his eyes?

Jo got up abruptly.

Her intention was twofold. The one set by her fantasy about red light specials on tables was to get close enough to determine the exact color of his eyes,  the texture of his hair, and the taste of his lips, was what she desperately wanted.

But a need had asserted itself. And she couldn't push him against the wall and wrap a leg around his strong thigh or slim waist. She wouldn't. She could obey the need though. So Jo gestured to his supplies and he nodded at her, confused. She started mixing on a palette and set herself an easel adjacent to his elbow, with enough space for comfort. Once she had the green and blues to choose from she turned to him and gestured at his work.

"Do you see her too, Jo?" His voice sounded like an old engine starting cold and she dreamed of pressing him against the canvas in front of them, her front to his back, and she took his hand and put his pencil back to the top of her head. Tracing over the anterior of her body. Whoever she was, that was what she wanted to do.

She saw her, Jo definitely saw her.

She wanted to trace her with him and then let Harry trace her. If he wanted of course. God, she'd never wanted an attraction to be two sided and unrequited at the same time. If he was just a daydream, someone who she wanted and didn't see her, it would be loads easier. If he felt it, the pulsing blood beneath her skin, and in her fluids, then it was worse. If it beat beneath his breastbone to the same rhythm, it would be so much harder. Because they could not, would not. They could not fuck on a plane, or on a train, or against the art frame.

So she painted

Jo had painted before in this mood, but it's oncoming had taken her unawares. It's connection to this place, Harry's studio, was revelatory to her, a ripping open of all seven of her seals.

It could not just be the place, it had to be the company. But, if she couldn't act on it, mark him with her passion and splash him with all the colors in her head, she would paint it on a canvas. Just like she had when she was sixteen and felt like a burden to her mother and an accessory to her father. Thank god Jo was pretty, or they both may have had even less use for her.

She had painted through her first love. As unsuitable as they come, co-dependent and a gaslighting nightmare. But he wanted her and she wanted that.

So Jo made art and they made Ethan.

She painted through the decision to leave him. Charlie may have wanted her in a way even her parents didn't, but the baby, it needed her. And Charlie was not in a place to be a dad. She painted the heartbreak and hope.

Then Jo did not paint for ages. Because she created other things, a life inside her and a home for her and Ethan and a career to clothe and feed him.

Jo went back to painting her feelings when he got too old to need her relentlessly. She painted the pain of his burgeoning independence. The pride too.

That was when she taught Harry to paint.

Then Jo went through another fallow period while she created Zoe.

But she had picked up her brush again, painted out her feelings when she realized she once again lost the man but kept the baby.

Jo had sat up many nights wondering if her picker was broken. She could see the downfall of her first relationship clearly. It was doomed from the start because it was a product of her home life, which she had done her best to work through in therapy later. Charlie loved her, but only if she could love him above all else, and let him be the same. He required co-dependence and she already felt stifled. Jo was growing out of him. He started to become very controlling before she got pregnant, as her world got bigger at university and his got smaller at the auto shop. She'dended it when she had a squirming reason to.

There had been nobody significant while Ethan was growing. She didn't have time for it. She had a university friend that she met for the occasional interlude when she needed it. Jo went out on random set ups and finally resorted to tinder when Ethan was a teenager, just to scratch her itches. They were usually infrequent and mostly controllable, but sex was an appetite like any other and healthy. So when she had to, she had it, responsibly, like a drink on a Friday night.

It was never an undeniable need like they talked about in books. Definitely not with Colin, though she thought they did well enough in the bedroom. That relationship didn't even require her therapist to figure out. He was older than her and had never had to share his life or the spotlight. If marriage was a partnership, he only wanted a junior to his senior. But he had looked so good on paper and, if she was honest, Jo was desperate for another baby before her time ran out. They had hit fast forward and because Colin was desperate for an approximation of normal, the full package, pretty educated wife, little baby, he would deal with the stepson.

He'd hid that bit, his indifference to Ethan, until he lived with them. That was the beginning of the end. When Jo made it clear she was also an adult who was capable of running their life, had run her own and molded her son's, so she got a say, thank you very much, that was another nail into the coffin. The box was sealed up tight when his only interest in the forthcoming Zoe was getting it her on Jo and having sonograms to share, though he never witnessed one.

A show, Colin wanted a show.

So that was Jo's second strike. She was determined that her next step up to the plate was going to be a home run.

Which was why, no matter how much every fiber of her being was telling her to push Harry up against the red walls of his studio and paint them black and blue and every hue of pink, she was not going to.

There was no way that choosing him was the right choice. He was wrong on paper, and she was wrong for him and he needed to find a different woman, search for her and draw her out like the one in his painting. Anybody would be more suitable for him that his best mate's mum, who was twice his age, had a young child, and was his professor and senior adviser to boot. No matter how red the pulse of her feelings were, she knew they were wrong.

Her strokes over the middle of the canvas were rough, thick, and wide. Jo felt like she might as well be finger painting with all the finesse she seemed to be able to show. She didn't even like color blocking, didn't understand the fuss about Rothko. And even with the wide swath of green on top and blue below, the mix between was still the wrong color.

Abstraction wasn't her strong suit, unless they were figures. Jo sat back to frown at her painting.

Harry seemed to sense her movement and paused too. "That's a lovely color there, Professor Smith." It seemed odd to be formal now that she had sat with him painting for over an hour and daydreamed about him giving her orgasms on his table. Thank God he couldn't read her mind or feel her moods! "What do you call it?"

"Silt." Jo said, "but it's not right. The shade is....." She peered closer. "Too blue?"

"What exactly are you trying to paint?" Harry asked. And looked back to his own work with a smug smile before going to get black to make his woman permanent. He knew what he was trying to paint.

"I dunno. Not sure what I'm going for. Just know this isn't right."

Another hour of creative silence later, Jo looked up at Harry's work and sighed happily. He was so good.

"Your woman is lovely Harry! I can definitely see her." He looked back at her comment and held her gaze.

"Me too."

[fanfics4all]

Let’s get more Personal!

are you under 18? Nope

do you have siblings?, if yes how many? Yep, one!

can you art? I think I can (I can post something I’ve done if you guys want to see)

can you sing? Nah

can you act? I guess so?

turn ons? Funny, Dom, Not really sure what else to say tbh lol

turn offs? People that are dicks!

top 5 favorite bands? Oof this is hard, right now I guess Set It Off, 3OH!3, Get Scared, My Chemical Romance, and Gorillaz

top five favorite singers? Sabrina Carpenter, Machine Gun Kelly, Jonathan Young, Todrick Hall, and Avril Lavigne

least favorite singers? Meghan Trainor, Sia, Taylor Swift, and Demi Lavato. Those are only a few I could think of.

fave artists? Vincent Van Gogh, Leonardo Da Vinci, Tim Burton, I honestly can’t think of that many right now.  

favorite actors? Again I have a few but number one is and always will be Matthew Gray Gubler. Others are Jordan Connor, Richard Harmon, Colton Haynes, Corey Fogelmanis, Rob Raco, Skeet Ulrich, Chandler Riggs, Ross Lynch, Grant Gustin, Mark Sheppard, Cassey Cott, Tom Felton, Evan Peters, Christian Kane, and that’s all I can think of right now.

favorite actresses? Emily Bett Rickards, Ruby Rose, Vanessa Morgan, Dove Cameron, Lilli Reinhart, Kat Dennings, Madelaine Petsch, Madchen Amick,  Um I know there’s more but I can’t think of them :(

how may fandoms are you in? Oof too many probably lol

top 5 fandoms? Riverdale, The 100, Criminal Minds, Harry Potter, and Batman I guess lol

on a scale from 1 to 10, how dramatic are you? Depends on the situation but normally like a 3 probably

can you cook? Oh my god! I love cooking! So yes

a random fact about about you? Um I can sculpt and do SFX makeup!

how many places have you been? Not many, like 7 or 8 states and never out of the country

top 6 shows? The 100, Riverdale, Criminal Minds, Arrow, American Horror Story, and White Collar (I watch way more though)

fave movie franchises? Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, Batman (Mainly 1966), Thor, Captain America, DeadPool, Um that’s all I can think of

Disney or Dreamworks? Both but mainly Disney

top 3 childhood shows? Cyberchase, Zoboomafoo, and Bear in the Big Blue House (Going really little childhood shows)

how many schools have you been to? Four so far

somewhere you want to go one day? England, France, Ireland, Russia, and Canada. Probably more but those are the main ones.

straight or nah? Nah

LGBTQ+ supporter? Well I’m Bi so yeah

favorite school subject? Math and Art

least favorite school subject? Gym, is that a subject?

Food? Yes?

books or Tv? T.V. but I do like reading it just takes me awhile because I have astigmatism and they unfocus a lot so it makes it hard to focus on reading.

Spotify or Pandora? Spotify

what are you listening to right now? Youtube videos!

whats the weather like rn? Hot and a little cloudy

are you reading anything at the moment? After You by JoJo Moyes (The second book to Me Before You)

any family problems you feel comfortable talking about? Oh god, my family is a mess. My dad was an abusive asshole and my mom is an alcoholic (My parents are divorced and my little brother lives with my dad while I live with my mom, I still see my dad and brother but very rarely)

how do you feel right now? Pretty depressed tbh lol

thoughts on trees? Trees are rad, I live climbing them but I’m scared of heights so it’s a fun time lol

something stupid you did once? Smoked too much weed and got stupid high

something random in your backyard? We rent so don’t really have a backyard anymore :(

funny childhood story? One time my brother when he was little he decided to take a nap somewhere and we couldn’t find him ANYWHERE, we were yelling and looking everywhere but we couldn’t find him. We tried to lure him out with marshmallows but that didn’t work and this was going on hours. So we called the cops they came they couldn’t find him anywhere and we were freaking out but then he just walked out and took the bag of marshmallows and to this day we have no idea where he was because he wouldn’t tell us. It was kinda freaky at the time but now we look back at it and laugh.

3 random stories about stuff that you’ve done in your neighborhood? I’ve moved a few times so we’ll go with 3 different neighborhoods. 1. We were living with my grandparents (Mom’s side) and there’s a lot of ducks and we were feeding them so I went to feed one by hand and that’s how I learned ducks have teeth. 2. We were living with my other grandparents (Dad’s side) and they had a frog garden thing that made noise, we were walking up the driveway, they didn’t tell us they got a new one and that it made noise. Me and my dad walked past it and it croaked at us, scared the fuck out of me and I ran away. There were potholes in the driveway and I tripped and cut my knee up so bad. 3. Um my friend lived on a dead end around my block and I would walk over to his place a lot (I was like 8 maybe older) and we road scooters a lot, he could do tricks and he wanted to teach me, I failed horrible cut up my knees and hands and face and scratched up my glasses so bad I couldn’t use them.

top 5 musicals? Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Peter Pan (1960), Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hairspray, and Anastasia

musical fandoms you want to know more about? Any really

any instruments you play? No, I played the clarinet in elementary school and broke it haha

do you and your friends ever roleplay or have given each other character names? Does playing a dating sim with a friend count?

favorite comeback? No you

do you have a phone? Yes

have you ever written a story? Oh yeah

O.c.’s? I have a few

S.O.? Ummm it’s complicated

favorite stores? Hot topic, Spencers, um I don’t know, I don’t go shopping much.

are you still in school? No but I’m going back soon (hopefully)

markers or colored pencils? Both but mainly colored pencils!

memes or gifs? Um both!

oil or chalk pastels? Both!

Height? 5’2

Painting? Omg yes, I’ve done some myself, I’m working on one rn and I have one finished (I can post it if you guys want!)

can you give a description of yourself? Short, kinda overweight, colorful hair (changes a lot), kinda big black glasses, hazel eyes, um that’s all I can think of.

description of your personality? A child mixed with a grandma

will you ever reveal your face( if you haven’t yet)? Sure

Anime? Oh heck yes

favorite animes? Owari No Seraph, Future Diary, Diabolik Lovers, Death Note, Tokyo Ghoul, Your Lie in April, Black Butler, Guilty Crown, Shiki, Death Parade, and more but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

K-pop? Yeah!

Ships??? Falice 100%, Bellarke, idk I can’t think of any others right now

ships you dislike? None really unless it’s weird and underage.

Children? I want children so bad!

do you have a library? I personally don’t

winter or summer? Winter

spring or fall? Fall

sun or snow? Snow

long or short hair? Short

ice cream or sherbert? Both

rain or bright sunlight? Rain

clouds & wind or heat & humidity? Clouds and Wind

pool or beach? Pool

how innocent are you? Not very tbh

cake or cupcakes? Both

chocolate or vanilla? Both, but depends

something sneaky you’ve done with your friends lately? Smoke weed I guess?

favorite colors? Black and Red

favorite animal(s)? Red panda, Panda, Husky, Pigs (I had one as a pet) Hedgehogs (Also had one as a pet)  

skiing or sledding? Sledding

have you ever ridden a horse? Yeah, my cousin owns two horses so I’ve gone riding with her before

have you ever ridden a train? Yeah but I have a fear of them

have you ever been on an airplane? Yes (Not scared of flying like at all)

Nature? Nature is rad

inside or outside? Inside in the summer/spring but outside in fall/winter

introvert or extrovert? Introvert, I’m so shy

rules/ laws? Um both I guess?

how many friends do you have? A bunch but a small close circle

pants/ shorts or skirts? All three but mainly pants and shorts

Dresses? If they’re weird

video games? Oh yes, I love video games

fave holiday? Halloween

least favorite holiday? Christmas and 4th of July