#did you know not just caring for yourself but knowing you’re making a huge effort to care for yourself will feel so so special

[chemicahs]

I love being alive so much im going to like cry

[hariboz]

PROMISE ME…!

“when you don’t tell your boyfriend you’re sick and still perform!”

pairing: idol!bf!ricky x gn!idol!reader

genre: fluff, tiny angst (?)

warning: mention of headaches, blurry vision, nausea and similar symptoms, softie bf!ricky, that’s it i think?

notes: ty to nonnie for requesting this!! i got a little carried away but i got into a pretty good flow writing it so i hope you enjoy 🥹🫶🏻 also!! this is my first time writing idol!reader so i hope it feels somewhat realistic…? as realistic as it can be i guess 😵‍💫

word count: 1.8k (😵‍💫 how and why…)

five, six, seven, eight.

five, six, seven, eight.

five, six, seven—

“y/n, are you okay?” the voice of your leader rips you out of your trance, your tired eyes meeting in the mirror. you nod and put on a bright, although fake smile in hopes of being reassuring, though you’re not sure you were being all too convincing — either way, none of your members pry, because they understand. they understand the need to push through, especially now with all these end of the year award shows happening; you simply can’t afford to be sick, to fall behind and to be absent from such huge events. so, you decide to push through the dizziness, nausea and pain. you’ll take some medication later, it’ll be fine. (at least that’s what you’re telling yourself when you catch yourself stumbling from the dizziness when you get ready to practice your solo entrance.) even though there is a silent understanding between you and your members, there still is one person you know you won’t be able to convince, no matter how hard you’ll try — your boyfriend and professional overthinker in regards to your well-being, ricky.

it’s quite cute, the juxtaposition of his public image and the way he tends to worry. did you eat? does your throat hurt from vocal practice? did you trip during dance practice again? (a question that’s especially annoying considering you told him about tripping once, roughly six months ago. he refuses to let it go.) he sends you teas and throat sprays to make sure your voice is taken care of, secretly checks the soles of your shoes to make sure they aren’t getting slippery, somehow manages to pack you little snacks you can munch on when you haven’t eaten anything before practice again. he’s very rarely stern, much too soft-spoken and gentle towards you to speak to you in a more serious manner when he’s worried, so he shows his care and love through these things — which makes you feel all the more guilty when you straight up have to lie to him when he asks if practice is going fine, if you’re feeling well, and letting you know how excited he (along with gyuvin, he mentions) is to see you perform in person up close.

you try your hardest to get better before the performance, you really do. well, as much as you can between hours and hours of practice and barely any sleep, at least. all your efforts seem to be in vain, though, because the day of the performance seems to be the worst day yet — if you had a choice, you would bury yourself under every blanket available and not leave your bed for at least a week, that’s how awful you feel when you and your members are picked up from your dorm during the wee hours of the morning.

unfortunately, the little perfectionistic gremlin that lives at the back of your mind refuses to let all these weeks of practice go to waste, so you muster up a brave smile through your shaking pupils and tell your worrying members that you have everything under control — you’ll smash this performance just like all the other ones, even if you have to do it while being a little dizzy. it’s no big deal, you’re a professional after all.

your stylists is making some last minute adjustments to your outfits when a gentle knock sounds through the room, a very familiar blonde head of hair popping in. you rush over to ricky, his arms snaking around you immediately. “hey, handsome,” you mutter as you observe his face, a small grin playing on his lips. “you’re not looking to bad yourself, hm?” his voice is smooth as he brushes some of your hair out of your face, careful to not interfere with your hairstylist’s hard work. you’re thrown off your balance a little when another dizziness spell hits you out of nowhere, the look on ricky’s face immediately morphing into one of concern, “are you okay?”

you muster up a smile and just nod, eyes blinking rapidly to dispel the black dots bouncing around in your vision, “yeah, i’m just a little nervous,” you reach up to adjust his collar to avoid meeting his worried eyes, “i’m fine. just freaking out a little, that’s all.” you can tell ricky doesn’t entirely believe you, but he trusts that you would come to him if there was something wrong — so he reluctantly lets the subject go. he steals a quick kiss to your lips, whispering a “good luck, i love you.” before he turns to leave to make any last preparations for his own performance.

your first wave of regret overcomes you when you stand ready beneath the stage, you and your members getting into position to perform the intro to your performance. your head feels like it’s about to split and your hands are shaky, but it’s too late to turn back now — as queen sunmi once said, the show must go on.

your second wave of regret comes when you’re actually on stage, all the lights, the music, the screams and your in-ear monitor feeling less like the dream you’ve worked so hard to achieve and more like your own personal hell. your group having your own amazing entrance with one of the stage elevators excited you at first; unfortunately, right now you’re preoccupied with managing your expressions to make sure you won’t let any irritation or discomfort slip.

your third and final wave of regret comes when you stand in the middle of the stage in this massive venue, tens of thousands of eyes on you as you start to perform your solo part of the song — your head is pounding and you can barely hear your own voice through your in-ears anymore, your steps are shaky and imprecise, your vision is blurry. you manage to push through, somehow, but it’s clear in the way your chest is heaving once the lights go out that you’re not well.

the atmosphere is very much tense in the part of the audience where your fellow idols sit, all of them having to cover their very obvious concern with faux excitement — you pulled it off well enough, but it’s clear to every single one of them that you’re sick and that you probably should not have performed. ricky especially has to keep his expressions in check, because the mix of worry and concern but also frustration and maybe a little anger is raging heavily inside him right now.

the worry and concern are obvious, the last thing he wants to see is you being sick, much less performing in that state. the frustration is bubbling inside him because he knows that you know better, that even the chance of you hurting yourself even worse by performing while sick is enough reason to sit out one performance. the anger is entirely directed at your staff and maybe some of your members, your leader at least — they must’ve seen that you were unwell, no? and they still let you on stage? is that not what managers and leaders are for, to take matters into their own hands and to know what’s best for their members? it all comes to a head when your members join the other idols in the audience while you’re nowhere in sight.

ricky is getting restless, his hands sprawling against his dress pants, occasionally pinching the fabric to keep his mind occupied. gyuvin and matthew both gave him little reassuring pats on his back but neither did much to comfort him, his mind entirely preoccupied with worrying about you and counting down the minutes to when he will finally be able to check up on you backstage.

it’s about an hour later when the award show is finally over, and for once ricky is the first one to rush backstage, a little ahead of all of his members. he swerves past staff and security and doesn’t even bother knocking on your group’s dressing room, ripping the door open to find your shocked but still very exhausted eyes staring up at him in surprise, “ricky?”

he’s in front of you in the blink of an eye, squatting down to meet you eye-to-eye, his hands gently cradling your face, “are you okay? for real, this time?” his brows are furrowed and you feel a little bad for thinking that he looks pretty handsome all serious like this. you nod sheepishly, apology ready to spill from your lips when he squishes your cheeks together to silence you, “shhh, you listen to me. never do that again, okay? do you know how scary that was, watching you perform like that? what if something had happened, you know you could’ve—,” he stumbles over his words a little, clearly worked up, “i don’t know, fallen off stage or something. you could’ve fainted! or you could’ve broken something or— i don’t know, just, promise me, don’t do that again.” ricky’s once so stern voice turns soft towards the end again, never really able to keep up his serious tone for long, especially towards you.

“‘m sorry, just didn’t want to let anyone down,” you mumble, leaning into his touch. his cold hands on your face feel incredibly nice, a stark contrast to your feverish face. he sighs and one of his hands comes up to brush your hair away from your face, his hand stroking your head softly, “i know, but still. don’t do stuff like that, okay? talk to someone when you’re not feeling well. your managers, your members, me — there’s so many people you can go to, okay? anyone, as long as you tell someone,” you nod along to him, and maybe it’s the guilt of making him worry so much or the fact that you’re overwhelmed from the amount of affection coming from him while you’re still a little delirious, but you feel like you need to lighten the atmosphere with a little joke.

“even gyuvin?” the gentle expression on his face falls almost immediately, replaced by a very unimpressed stare. you break out into quiet giggles, muttering a “sorry” before pressing a kiss to his cheek. ricky grumbles a little before getting back up, running his hand through your hair gently one last time. “i have to go back now but i’m ordering you some soup to your dorm later. you’re on bedrest for the next few days, you hear me?” he tries to sound stern again and puts on his best serious face, but his façade is broken when you smile up at him so tiredly, the exhaustion clear on your face.

“thank you, i love you,” you call after him when he turns to leave, ricky sending you a flying kiss before leaving the room, “love you too.”

(your fourth wave of regret came when you realised ricky formed an alliance with your members, all of them exchanging “y/n intel” to make sure all of them can keep an eye on you while you’re recovering.)

[alientee]

Christmas Cookies 🎄

This is a 18+ minors don’t interact and have your age in your bio. NOTHING BUT PURE SMUT. (Oral.M Receiving, spanking, spitting, cum everywhere) 2000 something words. AFAB reader

Sometimes you wonder why you chose this life. Your parents were gone, leaving behind you and two siblings. Not like they had a choice; they died in the omnic crisis. So you had to make a decision: die with your brothers going into the system, or live and protect them. So you made yourself useful until somebody picked you up.

Being a healer in Talon wasn’t so bad. You weren’t cut out for violence or war, and you were terribly shy. But you had to do what you needed to take care of your siblings. Plus, Doomfist and Moria were impressed with your progress in healing the troops, so you were moving up with the pay grade. You stayed in the background, stayed out of the way, and kept everyone alive, so your job was easy.

Well, your job would be easy if a certain tank didn’t take a liking to you. According to him, he had a soft spot for medics, especially sweet ones like you.Ever since you joined, Mauga has done everything in his power to get you to open up to him. Always asked Doom to bring you out in the field with him. He trusted you to keep him alive for some reason. He���d flirt with you, pick you up, drag you off with him, and even bring you dinner when you patched him up.

Sometimes you felt like he’d get hurt on purpose just to see you. He’s so huge that bullets don't affect him, so seeing him hurt made you a little skeptical. But with all the time and effort he put into you, sometimes they really would send you out on the field with him. He made you stay well hidden, or he carried you on his shoulder. Late missions had become late nights with you patching him up, listening to his crazy ideas, and telling you about his home.

You both had gotten close, but you think your shyness to speak up let it get out of hand. After a while, you grew to have feelings for him, and Mauga could tell; he was even a little smug about it. Mauga was touchy—really touchy—and overprotective; you didn’t realize what you got yourself into. To the point where other Talon soldiers would avoid you because, apparently, it was an unspoken rule that you were off limits.

And you were fine with that because people left you to your own devices. The problem was that you weren’t used to his overly sultry nature. Even after the large man had taken your virginity, (another story for another time.) You both went from being friends to him claiming you and doing whatever he pleased (with consent, of course). He never said if you both were a couple, so you didn’t want to put too much of your feelings into it.

But he made it very difficult, always being very kind to you or following you around. You decided it was best to avoid him until your feelings calmed down. You didn’t want to get so invested in him only for him not to feel the same. Your heart couldn’t take that kind of pain in your life again. So you did your best, and it paid off; you avoided him for a week. But Mauga got sick and tired of that real soon.

So here you were trying to avoid him on Christmas, thinking he wouldn’t be at work. You spent the day with your brothers so you could come in tonight. You were in the kitchen baking deserts for the team. You didn’t mind; you loved baking, plus you got paid extra for coming in today. You even put on a cute Santa dress and thigh-high socks. You already made a cake, gingerbread, pies, and even fruit muffins. The last thing left was the second batch of sugar cookies. You placed them in the oven and set a timer.

While you opened the oven, ready to put them in. You felt something hard press against your ass. The next thing you know, you’re lifted into the air. “EEK!"

You try to grab onto something, but you are set on the counter. And loa and behold, Mauga is standing right in front of you while in between your legs, smirking at you.

"M-Mauga, what the heck! I was baking.” He ignores you and starts to rub your cheek with his thumb.

“You make something for me, sugar?”

“U-um……. You can have a muffin if you want.”

He chuckles, "Nah, I think I want something else. I think you owe me a pie, sweetheart."

You quickly move to hand him a pie. "Here, take one!”

He looks at the pie, then back to you. He takes it out of your hand and sets it back down. He pushes you on your back against the cold counter. “Your funny; how bout a cream pie?"

“I can make you o-mmmh." Mauga cuts you off by shoving his tongue down your throat. He pushes your body down on the counter. He grabs at your thighs, squeezing them.

“Pretty thigh highs,” he says, running his finger along the socks. “It’s like you made yourself into a present for me.”

He starts to bite and nibble on your neck while putting his hand up your dress. His tongue licks up the side of your neck until he nibbles on your ear, and you shiver. You hated to admit it, but you missed his touch. His hands grip your ass, holding your lower half up. He scoffs and starts to rub at your covered folds.

“Lace panties, huh... I'm starting to think you really did dress up for me.”

You try to look away; it was an embarrassing position for you. And even if you told him you didn’t do it for him, he wouldn’t believe you anyway. He grips your chin,forcing you to look at him. “You miss me? Cuz it seems like you’ve been avoiding me lately.” You push him back a little.

"Mauga, you know I have siblings to take care of. I've been busy."

He looks down at you, frowning. He’s a firm believer that if there are 24 hours in a day, some of them better be for him. He slams you back on the counter, kissing your forehead. “If you’re going to make excuses, I won’t go easy on you.”

He moves back to push up your dress, rips your panties off, and leans down. “Spread those fucking legs; show me that pussy.”

You spread your legs, and he spat on your pussy, making you gasp. He slides his tongue over your cunt and starts to finger you slowly. "Mauga, we can't; we’re in the kitchen.”

Mauga hums in agreement, his tongue diving deep into your wet folds. He licks and flicks your sensitive spots, making you squirm with pleasure. Before you could grab his hair, he moved away, making you whine. Mauga chuckles and pulls you closer, his hard cock rubbing against your ass. “Thought we couldn’t do it in the kitchen?" He grabs a handful of your ass cheek and squeezes it roughly, causing a pleasurable pain to shoot through your body.

“Wanna watch your ass jiggle while I fuck you.” He throws you over, putting you on your stomach. "M-Mauga, wait, maybe we should wait till I’m done cooking.”

He paused for a moment, looking down at you. “You may not think I know what’s going on in that head of yours, but you’ve been acting insecure and putting up walls, then you started avoiding me, so im gonna show ya you can’t leave me your mine and I’m yours got it.”

You start to tremble and turn around to look at him. “I’m…. I’m yours?” He doesn’t answer; he’s still holding your body up. You realize all you can do is hold on and take what he gives you. Mauga teases you for a moment, rubbing his tip at your entrance. He starts to slowly push his cock inside you, filling you up with each inch. He slowly thrusts in and out, causing you to moan in pleasure. On instinct, you arch your back for him. “That's it, baby. That’s my good girl."

He reaches around, grasping your breast and squeezing it hard as he continues to fuck you. Mauga growls while his cock is pounding against your wet pussy. He grinds his hips forward, pushing deeper into you. You feel him playing with your nipples, pulling them roughly, and you cry out in pleasure. He pulls back slightly, then slams his hips forward again, burying himself to the hilt inside you. You scream his name as he starts to fuck you harder and faster.

Mauga smacks your ass, rubbing the cheek softly to ease the sting. "I think you deserve a punishment for dodging me; how bout I spank that cute ass, hm? Redden you up a bit.”

“Maug-ga! I’m close! Please!”

He smacks your ass harder this time. Pushing your body into the counter as his hips smack your thighs. Your body is being pushed back and forth in the air while all you can do is weakly grab at the counter. Your eyes roll in the back of your head, getting thrown around like a rag doll while Mauga bottomed out in you was bliss. You couldn’t help but moan out his name like a mantra, losing your breath with every thrust. He grips your hips, fucking you faster as he feels his balls tighten. “Want me to cum in this pussy or on that pretty face?"

“D-d….dont know Ahhhhh~”

You can barely answer him when he’s plunging his cock into you nonstop. His cock slick with your juices, making nasty squelching noises. He fucked you deeper while he whispered the dirtiest thoughts in your ear. His cock is stretching you past your limits. You make a weak attempt to crawl away, pulling yourself onto the counter.

Mauga grabs your hips, slamming you back on his cock. “Don’t you fucking run from me; take this dick.”

Mauga groans and thrusts a few more times. One more powerful stroke is all it took. Mauga started filling your pussy with his hot seed. He thrusts deep, feeling his cock twitch as he unleashes his load inside you. You can feel his cum seeping into your walls, filling you up with his essence. He keeps fucking into you while you cum on his cock, covering him in your juices.

You sigh and start to relax on the counter, catching your breath.

"You're not done, sweetheart."

You start to protest when he picks you up and puts you on the floor. He grabs you by the back of your hair, pushing his cock to your lips.

“Open wide, baby."

You open your mouth, and Mauga shoves his fat cock down your throat. You gag, tears coming to your eyes as you steady yourself, putting your hands on his thighs. Mauga growls, pushing his hips forward, his cock forcing its way into your mouth. "Fuck yes." He groans, his hands gripping your hair tightly as he thrusts in and out of your mouth. His cock is hitting the back of your throat.

You swallow his dick down to the base and begin to play with his heavy balls. Your sloppy noises echo through the kitchen.

Mauga's hips jerk violently as he feels your warm, wet mouth on his cock, his hands gripping your head tighter. "Fuck yeah, suck it, baby." He groans, his hips pounding into your mouth as he fucks your face with long, hard strokes.

Mauga's moans turn into grunts as his hips start bucking wildly as he loses control. "Mmmmh shit! Almost there..." He grips your head tightly, his cock jerking erratically in your mouth as he approaches his climax.

Mauga's entire body tenses up as he feels his climax come again, his hot cum filling your mouth and his hips jerking violently. "Fuuuuuck!" he moans lewdly, his cock pulsing with each spurt of cum, filling your mouth to the brim.

He pulls out of your mouth, spraying the rest of his cum on your face, his cock still hard and throbbing, cum dripping from the tip onto your tits. "Swallow it all, sweetie." He commands, his voice rough with authority.

You swallow all of his cum, sticking your tongue out to show him you finished.

Mauga chuckles, thinking you look gorgeous with your face covered in his cum. “Frosted like your cookies."

Just then, your timer dings.

“Cookies done, babe, go on and take ‘em out. You can frost 'em after I’m finished fucking you again."

[zoesmp4]

hiiii i’ll throw my other hat in the ring and give you a thg req!!

angst to comfort fic because why not

but like reader is from district 7 and won the 73rd games, and much like lucy gray, used their wits and charm to win the games. and GOD FORBID SNOWS PAST COMES BACK TO HAUNT HIM they end up in the same room with finnick during the ring, and they grow closer and end up making a bond and falling in love

fast forward to the sewer, and reader sees finnick struggling with the mutts as katniss tries to usher them out of the sewer as reader is screaming and fighting to get back to him and eventually runs straight into the pile, almost dying

anyway they wake up losing an arm, but with finnick asleep at her side 🩶🩶

LOVE U BAEEEE

YOU’RE OKAY “look at me, you’re okay.” finnick odair x fem!reader

tags: blood, swearing, htc, violence, use of y/n

a/n: hii pooksters, i have retuned from the dead w/ my first thg fic!! req from my bae gracie, i changed up the losing the arm part because i didn’t really know if i could write it well, so im super sorry for that :( i don’t know how i feel ab this one, but i hope you enjoy!!

god, how you hated the hunger games. you weren’t expecting to be back, but here you were. 

when you had won the 73rd hunger games, you thought that was the end. you thought you could just return to your district, and forget all about the mortifying experience. 

but you were wrong. so wrong. all of that work, all of the trauma? useless. all of your efforts just didn’t matter. your charm and cleverness played a huge role in helping you to win the games. you thought you were smart, but you werent. you were stupid to think the capitol would leave you alone.

they would never ever leave you alone. they couldn’t give you a fucking break. here they were, trying to kill you, again.

them being them, they tried to make it different this time. they decided to make everyone room with tributes from different districts. 

you knew they wanted to cause stuff between everyone. but you weren’t gonna let them get what they want. you told yourself you were just gonna have to deal with whoever you got. 

to your luck, you were paired up with the “golden boy.” finnick odair, in the flesh. hooray. 

you thought it would suck. back in the hunger games once again, and rooming with this guy? it seemed like hell. that was until you started to get to know him better.

finnick was surprisingly sweet. really sweet. he was also funny. and you couldn’t deny it, he was really attractive. “what are you looking at?” you said, noticing how his gaze was directed towards your lips.

“nothing, your smile is just really pretty.” he replied. you felt your cheeks start to heat up. “what, cat got your tongue?” he taunted, a smirk forming on his face. “you wish. goodnight finnick.” you said, trying to hide the fact that you were flustered. 

little did you know, you and him would form quite a complex relationship.

“you win.” he said, while you two were perched in front of a tree, the leaves rustling with every slight movement. both of your partners had died by now. it was just katniss, peeta, you, and him in a truce. 

you brought your head up and looked at him. you two locked eyes before you opened your mouth to speak, “huh?” what was he talking about? “you win.” “i win what?” 

“my heart.” 

that’s all it took. that’s all it took for you to realize how much you really liked him. you can guess what happened after that. that’s right, you and finnick started dating during the games. 

from that moment on, you two swore to never let anything happen to the other. you both cared about each other too much to let that happen.

so when you were all fighting for your fucking life in that stupid tunnel, you were just trying to get back to finnick. katniss was trying her hardest to get you out, but you weren’t leaving until you knew finnick was okay. 

“y/n, you need to go now!” she yelled, holding you back, trying to help finnick herself. she prioritized everyone over herself, which was something you admired about her. but you needed to get him. 

“FINNICK!” you screamed, your voice echoing throughout the tunnel as you finally escaped from her grasp. you ran toward the pile of mutts, plunging your knife into one. “you shouldn’t be here!” finnick yelled, his voice strained with worry.

you ignored his pleading, continuing to fight with all your strength. as you clashed with the horrid creatures in the dimly lit tunnel, you felt fear and adrenaline pump into you. you thought it was going okay, until you felt a tug at your ankle.

“Y/N!” is all you heard before you were pulled down into the water by a mutt. you tried to fight back, but it was no use. suddenly, you felt sharp teeth sink into your stomach. 

it was a type of pain you hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. in a matter of seconds, finnick was at your side, fighting off the mutt which leaned on top of you. he was livid. 

you clutched your side, breathing heavily as a mixture of water and blood dripped down your body. finnick quickly took you into his arms, and eyed your protruding wound. he then reached out his hands to cradle your face. 

“you’re gonna be fine baby, i promise won’t let anything happen to you. jus- just stay awake.” he said, trying to keep his voice from trembling as he tried his best to hurry to the ladder where everyone else was, you still engulfed in his arms. 

“i-i can’t. i don’t think m’ gonna make it.” you struggle to get out, tears starting to stream down your face. he wasn’t gonna let this happen. “hey, look at me.” he said, trying to reassure you that you were going to be alright.

“look at me, you’re okay.” 

that was all you could remember. everything else was a blur after that. you can remember faint yelling, but you can’t quite decipher what was being said. 

you woke up beside finnick. he had his arm wrapped around your body, and your faces were inches apart. your wound was all patched up, but it was still painful. hey, look on the bright side though. finnick had kept his promise. he made sure things got better. 

you were okay. 

[jaywonjuice]

head in the clouds 💭 | y.jw

synopsis you were enjoying a romantic picnic with your boyfriend in hangang park when all of a sudden a familiar face unexpectedly crashed (into) the date.

genre fluff, oneshot

pairing bf!jungwon x fem reader (feat. jake, niki)

warnings sfw intimacy, physical contact, kissing

wc 752

a/n had such a lovely time writing this one !! jw rly radiates romantic picnic date energy it just felt right ..) hope u enjoy !<3

with a contented sigh, you rolled over onto your back, gazing up at the afternoon sky.

‘aren’t clouds crazy?’ you murmured to the brown-haired boy sat next to you on the gingham picnic blanket. ‘like seriously, there are huge clusters of frozen crystals floating around up there and we’re just going about our lives paying no attention whatsoever,’ when no response followed, you propped yourself up on your elbows to look directly at him.

‘paying no… attention… at all…’ you watched him carefully. he sat not three feet away from where you lay, legs crossed and eyes glued to his phone screen. your words had clearly fallen short of reaching him in any capacity.

‘hey, earth to jungwon? hello???’ you punctuated the words with a prod to his knee.

finally, jungwon looked up. he blinked. ‘huh? oh, sorry, yeah, clouds,’ he scratched his head as he fumbled for the right words. ‘they’re… they’re pretty fluffy-looking. i think i’d quite like to pet a cloud,’ he offered.

another soft blink from those expectant doe eyes, and you had to fight back a smile tugging at your lips. despite giving this resistance your very best effort, you failed.

‘thank you for your insightful contribution to this intellectual discussion,’ you teased, causing his cheeks to flush slightly. ‘what, exactly, is occuring on your phone that’s that more interesting than clouds, then?’

‘erm… well, you.’

his cheeks reddened even more. you shot him a puzzled look. ‘ “me”? how d’you mean?’

in place of a response jungwon simply turned his phone towards you, showing you your own recent instagram post from earlier that day. he smiled shyly down at you.

‘you know, you’re much prettier than a cloud.’

you groaned at the sappy comment, covering your face with your hands, before eventually letting out a little laugh, deciding to embrace the ridiculousness of the whole conversation. ‘i wish i was a cloud,’ you joked.

‘i don’t,’ he pouted, leaning down towards you ever so slightly. ‘i don’t reckon i get to make out with a cloud, you know.’

now it was your turn to blush. ‘oh uh, no, i guess not. i hadn’t really thought about that…’ your voice trailed off as jungwon leaned in further still until his nose almost brushed yours.

‘i’m thinking about it,’ he murmured. before you could come up with a reply he pressed his lips to yours. your lips parted instinctively, moving to kissing him back.

all of a sudden you heard a faint shout from a voice you thought you recognised, and not a second later something came crashing into the side of your leg with force.

the two of you broke out of your kiss abruptly as you let out a surprised cry.

‘hey, watch it!’ jungwon shouted out to the figure jogging over to the two of you.

‘jesus, sorry!’ panted jake as he reached you, stooping to retrieve the rogue football from the picnic blanket. ‘sorry, sorry!! niki booted that one way too hard, totally lost control! i did call out to warn you but you must’ve not heard me,’ he looked down at you, face full of concern. ‘y/n, are you alright?’

sitting up, you nodded. ‘yeah i’m all good,’ you replied. relieved, the boy’s face relaxed.

‘you gotta be more careful jake, you could’ve actually hurt her,’ warned jungwon.

‘i know, i know, it was my bad.’ jake tugged the hair at the nape of his neck, clearly feeling awkward about his blunder.

‘don’t sweat it jake, really. i’m fine, won’s fine,’ you smiled reassuringly at your friend. ‘so no harm done.’ he shot you a grateful smile back, his anxiety seeming to dissipate.

‘y’know, i was gonna come over earlier to see if you guys wanted to join me and niki for a game but you guys looked kinda, uh… busy,’ he grinned sheepishly.

you rolled your eyes, and jungwon groaned, ‘ugh, get out of here already jake!!’

with a wink, and still grinning boyishly, jake turned tail and began to jog away again. after only a few paces however, a thought struck him, and he turned back, about to call your name out again, only to see that the pair of you had wasted absolutely no time at all picking up right where you left off. chuckling to himself, he let the thought go, and headed back.

‘are they gonna come join?’ niki asked as jake approached.

‘nah,’ jake shook his head, smiling. ‘head in the clouds, the pair of them, honestly.’

©jaywonjuice | do not copy or re-upload my work on any platform

[happy74827]

Prisoner of Love

[S6! Mike Ross x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Making the effort to explain himself, Mike certainly has a lot on his plate, including breaks, not just from jail.

WC: 3205

Category: Slight Angst, Slight Fluff

This was an intrusive thought that I just wrote up last night… so, enjoy! (thanks for your wonderful feedback @yoursacredqueenmother)

『••✎••』

“Mike?”

You were in utter shock to see your friend Mike standing in front of you. Your best friend, the one person who always seemed to be there for you no matter what had turned out to be not only a complete fraud but also now a criminal. You were in such a state of disbelief that you hadn't realized you were standing there, looking at him, with your mouth agape and eyes wide.

After you said his name, you didn't know what else to say. Mike stood there with his hands on the door frame, not wanting to take one step forward and risk coming inside your apartment. He looked nervous, his head darting all over, trying to avoid eye contact with you. His breathing was quick and short as if he had just run a marathon, and his lips were pressed into a fine line, which meant that he was thinking of something to say.

Mike was arrested, he was in jail for two years because of a plea deal, and now here he was, standing in front of you only weeks later like it was any other day.

The silence was killing you. Mike still wouldn't make eye contact, and you were starting to feel the anger boil up inside of you. You felt betrayed. You had spent almost four years working at Pearson-Hardman with him and Rachel, and you considered yourself friends with him and his “on a break” girlfriend, so this came as a huge shock to you. You never saw him as a fraud, never would have suspected it in a million years, but here he was—a liar, a con artist, and now a fugitive.

Mike finally looked up at you, and the first thing he noticed was the tears forming in your eyes. Seeing you cry hurt him, but not as much as the words that came out of your mouth.

"Go away."

His eyes gave away the fact that he clearly was expecting this, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. The blue turned a dark gray, the way they always did when he was upset, and his eyes fell back down to the floor.

"Look, I— I’m not here to make excuses. I know that I just… Don’t you even care to know why I’m here? What happened to me?" He asked, finally finding the strength to keep eye contact.

"Could be more bullshit," you said, folding your arms across your chest and leaning against the door. You didn’t want to admit that you did want to know what happened to him. You were concerned; of course, you were. That was part of the reason you were so upset with him. Even after all that he put you through, the worry for him was still there.

"Can I at least explain myself?" Mike asked, and you rolled your eyes at his question.

"You already did, Mike. Well, everyone except me, apparently. You, Rachel, Harvey, Jessica, Louis. All of you knew about this, but I didn't. And why is that?"

"I told you I didn't want you to get involved," Mike replied. “You don’t deserve to go down for my mistakes. It was selfish of me to do that, I know that, but I thought I was protecting you."

"Yeah, well, you just stabbed me in the back instead," you said.

"Can I come inside? I only have so much time before—"

"Oh, so you’re protecting me again?" You asked, not waiting for an answer. "By breaking out of prison and coming to my place. I don't even want to think about what would happen to me if someone found out I'm hiding a fugitive!"

"I’m not—” Mike took a second to compose himself and start again. He couldn’t blame you for being so mad, not after everything he did. "I didn’t break out. I got released… sort of. It’s a bit messy, but to sum it up, I’ve got six hours with an ankle monitor."

"Then why are you here? Why not with Harvey?" You asked. "Or Rachel? I'm sure she’d be glad to see you, and she's better equipped to handle this."

"’Cause we need to talk. Now, can you let me inside, please? I’m feeling a little exposed out here," he said, his hand motioning towards the outside hallway.

Jokes. Of course, he would use jokes at a time like this.

“… Fine. You have an hour, tops. Then you have to leave," you said, taking a step back to let him inside.

Mike wasted no time stepping into your apartment, and as soon as you shut the door, his hands were on your shoulders, and he was pulling you into him. Your eyes went wide, and you had no idea what was going on. It was only when you felt his wet cheek against your own that you realized he was crying.

"I missed you," Mike said. “So so much."

It was like your brain went on autopilot, and suddenly, your arms were around him, and you were squeezing him tight. It was like nothing had changed. It was like no time had passed since you had last seen him, and it was so overwhelming that it had brought tears back to your eyes.

"I missed you too," you said, your voice quiet and barely above a whisper.

Mike pulled away from the hug but still had his hands on your shoulders. He was smiling at you, and his eyes were no longer that dark gray they were before but back to that bright blue.

"I’m sorry I never got to explain why I did what I did," Mike started, his voice a little shaky. "I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I couldn't. I didn’t want to put you in that position."

"But you were able to tell Rachel, Donna, and even Louis?" You asked.

"To be fair, Rachel figured it out on her own, and Donna knew from the moment I started working at Pearson-Hardman."

"What about Louis?"

"That was a whole different thing," Mike said, chuckling a bit. "He was a bit… theatrical, to say the least."

"But that still doesn't explain why you were able to tell them but not me."

At this, he looked away from you, his head turning and looking out the window. The night sky was beautiful, the way the full moon shone, and how the city lights made everything glow, including his face. The reflection of the moon against his skin made his eyes stand out, and the streetlights made him look like he was glowing.

"I knew you would understand," he finally said. "You would be the one person to listen to me and actually give me a chance, and I was afraid of that. If I had told you, I would've been afraid of what would've happened, and I would've probably ended up convincing myself to leave."

"Leave and do the right thing," you said.

"Maybe. But it doesn't matter. I'm here now, and we're talking," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile. “I’m making up for it now."

"Yeah, yeah," you said, rolling your eyes. You couldn't help but smile as well.

"But, there's one other reason why I didn't tell you. And it's not because I didn't trust you, because I trust you more than anyone. It's just that I— I—" Mike stopped himself, taking a moment to figure out his words. His eyes were looking everywhere, but at you, and the more he avoided your gaze, the more concerned you became. "I just, I wanted to protect you. Because I—"

Before he could finish, a knock came from the door. Mike looked at the clock, and the time read 2:04 AM. Who would be visiting at this time? You didn't have to wonder long as Mike's watch started to beep, and the knock became a more forceful bang.

"Mike, let's go!" Someone yelled from the other side of the door. A very familiar voice, too.

"Who is that?" You asked.

Mike ignored your question, instead walking towards the door. His hand was on the knob, and he took a deep breath, preparing himself.

The door flew open as soon as he opened it, and a very angry Harvey Specter stood on the other side.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked.

"Calm down, Harvey. I was with her," Mike said, motioning towards you. "We were catching up."

"Catching up? Mike, do you not care about getting out of this mess or not? I told you I had a plan, but if you go running off on your own, it's not gonna work."

"Oh, is this another one of your great plans? The ones I get left out of?" You asked, moving past Mike and standing between him and Harvey.

Mike practically face-palmed himself when he heard you speak up. This was definitely not the way he planned things to go. Just as he finally was on the path of making things right, things went downhill once again.

"I would be happy to explain the details of the plan to you if someone," he glanced over at Mike, who looked down at his feet, "cared to follow it. Now, can we get going? The car and Cahill are waiting."

"Five minutes, Harvey.”

"Mike,” Harvey said, his tone showing how frustrated he was becoming.

"Five. Minutes."

Another minute was wasted with the two men staring each other down, and the air was filled with tension. It was a stare-off, and neither seemed like they were going to back down. You stood there, watching and wondering whether you should make an escape or not, but were too intrigued to move.

Harvey broke the silence with a sigh, his head dropping.

"Fine. But if you aren’t downstairs in five minutes, I'm dragging your ass down whether you like it or not."

And with that, Harvey turned around and walked away with that sense of confidence he always seemed to have. You watched him until he turned the corner, and when you turned back, Mike was smiling.

"What are you smiling about? Your best friend is still mad at you," you said. It came out more sarcastically than you had hoped, but you didn't really care at this point.

“Are you? Still mad, I mean," he asked, ignoring your snarky remark. “It seems like you aren’t."

"I am. I still feel hurt, but I can't stay mad at you. You know how much I suck at staying mad at people," you said.

"It’s a problem, yeah."

"Hey!" You exclaimed, hitting him on the shoulder.

"Well, it is. You have a tendency to let people walk all over you and forgive them for the shitty things they do. Which, might I add, is not always the right thing to do."

"So, I shouldn’t forgive you? Logic isn’t really logicking, Michael," you said, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

"It is, and that’s not a real word," Mike laughed. “Besides, Michael? When did that start happening?”

"You’re the one with the photographic memory. Shouldn’t you know?"

Now you were both laughing. Like the good old days, the two of you would sit in his office or at his apartment, cracking jokes and laughing about the most ridiculous things: movies, TV shows, music, whatever.

You missed this. You missed him.

"I have to go," Mike said, the smile not leaving his face.

"Yeah," you said, the same sad smile on your lips. “Hey, is uh… is prison any fun?"

"Why, you wanna come visit?" Mike asked, chuckling a bit. You could tell he was faking his laugh, though. He was putting up a front, trying to seem like everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t.

"No, I mean… You’re okay, right? Harvey’s been talking about this Gallo guy, and it seems pretty bad," you said.

"I’m okay. I’ll be okay," Mike said, placing his hands on your shoulders. You couldn't help but notice how cold his hands were, and he couldn't help but notice the sadness in your eyes.

"Don’t look at me like that," he said.

"Like what?"

"Like that. The thing that you do when you know that something bad is going to happen," Mike said.

"You can't know that for sure," you said, your eyes not meeting his.

"But I do. Look at me."

You lifted your head, and his eyes bore into yours. It was almost as if he was trying to look straight into your soul.

"I will be fine. I promise. As long as you're not mad at me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Can you do that for me?"

"Of course, Mike," you said, staring into his blue eyes. They were brighter than ever despite the situation.

Mike's hand reached up to cup your cheek, and at first, you thought he was just wiping away a tear, but he didn’t move. He just kept his hand there, and his gaze never left yours.

"Mike..."

He was staring at your lips, and his eyes had a look in them you had never seen before. It was almost like a hunger, a longing for something.

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice just as quiet.

"What are you doing?"

Mike moved his head closer to yours, and the distance between you was getting shorter.

"Mike," you said again, and he finally looked back into your eyes. The longing look was still there, but this time it was more prominent, and there was a slight fear. “What about Rachel?"

Mike's thumb stroked your cheek, and he let out a long breath, closing his eyes.

"She knows."

"Wha—"

But you couldn't finish because, in a split second, Mike's lips were on yours. His kiss was soft, and his hands were pulling you in closer. Your arms found their way around his neck, and one hand ran through his hair, which was much shorter than before. It didn’t take long for him to part his lips and allow your tongue to meet his.

Your heart was racing, and the butterflies in your stomach were going crazy. This wasn’t like any of the other kisses you had before, not like the quick, rushed kisses you shared with your ex or the ones that felt like dead weight against your lips.

This kiss was perfect. A well-crafted masterpiece that was made to make you feel loved. You didn’t realize just how badly you needed a kiss like this. You didn't know that was what was missing, but now that you had it, you realized how empty you were without it.

And when the two of you finally pulled apart, Mike was smiling. It was a big, genuine smile that lit up his face and made his eyes bright. It was a look that could light up a dark room.

"Rachel and I talked a lot while I was inside, and we decided that... that she deserved better. I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved. She was still stuck with me, even when I was away. We were both miserable, and it was time to put an end to it," he said, and a sad smile made its way onto his face.

"So…”

"She's okay. Really. She also knows about how much you mean to me, and she's okay with this."

"Really?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She also told me a wonderful piece of information about how you apparently love me."

"You did not just—"

"I did, and now we have to talk about that."

"Nope," you said, popping the 'p.' "You have a prison to go to and a plan to complete. So, get going. You've already wasted enough time."

"Aw, but I love talking about how much you like me," he said, a teasing smile on his face.

"Out."

Mike's smile widened, and he gave you one last quick kiss.

"Okay. I'm going."

Mike took a few steps towards the door, but then turned back to look at you. He didn't say anything, but instead just stared. He didn't have that hungry look in his eyes anymore, but a more content look.

Like he was taking in the last few moments he would have with you. A picture in his mind to cherish, and to remember you by.

"Mike?"

He took a deep breath, and looked at the floor, preparing himself for the next few moments.

"I don’t regret anything. And, if I had a chance to go back and do things differently, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Except maybe not getting caught," Mike said, his laugh coming out dry. "But, besides that, I don't regret any of it. Everything that happened, the people I've met, and the things I've done. The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner… about my feelings. How much I care for you. But, I want you to know that, I would do everything a million times over. If I knew that, in the end, it would lead me here, to this moment, with you, I would do it.”

He paused, and took another breath. It was clear he was struggling with his words, and the way he was looking at the ground showed that he was trying his best not to cry.

"I just wanted to tell you all of this before I go because I don’t know what will happen next. When I see you next, you know? I'm I just— I needed you to know, and I hope that, wherever I end up, and whatever happens, I’m glad we worked things out. At least, a little bit.”

You just stared. You knew Mike could feel your eyes on him, and that he probably didn’t like the silence, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Instead, you just took in everything that was him.

He was standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. He looked so casual, despite the fact that he was about to go off to prison… well, not at that moment— but soon. It was like it was a normal day, and he was just hanging out with his friends.

His blue eyes were no longer on the floor, and instead were back on you. He gave you one last small, sad smile, before turning around and leaving the apartment.

You watched as he turned the corner and disappeared from your view. It was quiet, the only sounds were your own breathing and the sounds from the city below. You could hear the cars driving by, and the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

Everything was so different now. Everything was so strange.

Before, your world revolved around Mike. No matter what, he was always there. He was the thing that held you together and what tore you apart. And, for the past couple of months, everything had fallen apart. You were in a state of chaos, and nothing was right.

And yet, in just a matter of minutes, everything changed.

You weren’t sure if everything would work out, and you weren't sure what the future held. But, at least now, things were back to how they should be.

Or as close as they could be.

[dixons-sunshine]

Look At Me | Scud Frohmeyer x Fem!Reader

Summary: Scud never wanted you to get hurt. If he had known what would happen, he never would’ve let you out of his sight. However, there was nothing he could do to change what happened, and he could only hope that you could keep your eyes open long enough until he could help you.

Genre: Angst.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, injuries.

Word count: 1.1k.

A/N: Is Scud potentially ooc in this? Yes. Do I care? Not really. I need some soft!Scud in my life. Also, I just had a lot of feelings and placed it into this as a way to feel a bit better. I think this is the first story I’ve ever written that had a ‘cliffhanger’ ending. Might expand on it, might not. Guess y’all will have to wait until next Saturday to see. Anyways, (not-so) happy Scud Saturday!

Joshua “Scud” Frohmeyer was rarely a serious man. He had a care free spirit and a positive outlook on life. You would rarely catch the stoner without a huge grin on his face. It took a lot for him to drop his happy, free spirited demeanour.

So when Scud was unable to crack a joke to lighten up the dire situation you were in, you knew that your predicament was worse than you would have liked.

“Shh, it’s okay. I got you. I got you. You’re gonna be just fine, Baby. I promise.”

Despite his attempts at reassuring you, your whimpers of pure, unadulterated agony did not cease, nor did your shivers from being absolutely soaked from the rain you had been carried through to get to the van. However, the man that held you within his own soaked, shivering embrace could not find it in himself to blame you. Those vampires that had kidnapped you had done quite the number on your emotional and physical well-being, so it came as no surprise that you were unable to hide the extent of your pain. And each turn and bump of the vehicle the half-blooded day walker was driving only further accentuated your misery. Scud tried his absolute best to try to keep you as comfortable as he possibly could, but his attempts were proving to be futile.

“It hurts,” you cried, tears streaming from your eyes. Your battered and bruised form screamed in protest when you tried to move to make yourself more comfortable, punishing your efforts by sending out more waves of pain through out your body. “Josh...” you trailed off with a quiet whimper, your hand tightening its grip on your boyfriend’s bigger one.

In answer, Scud gently rubbed his thumb over your bruised knuckles, pressing a soft, tender kiss to your forehead, his other hand continuing to put pressure on your wound. “I know, Baby. Just hold on a bit longer, okay? We’re almost there. We’re gonna fix you up real good, I promise.”

You could not find it in yourself to argue with him. You could feel your eyes growing heavier with each second that ticked away on the metaphorical clock, the darkness luring you to its comforting depths like a siren’s song. The blood that gushed from the horrible wound in your abdomen dripped down onto the floor of the van, making you acutely aware of the reality that your injury wasn’t as minor as Scud had tried to make it out to be. You attempted to bring yourself into a seated position to peer down and examine the true extent of the injury Scud had his hand pressed against, but your boyfriend stopped you.

“Nah, don’t look at it,” he told you, his eyebrows furrowed together. Never before had you seen Scud look quite so serious. His light, care free attitude had been what made you fall head over heels for him in the first place. It took a great deal for him to lose his usual nonchalant demeanour, so that was all the confirmation you needed that you were in a dire situation.

Not that you needed that as confirmation, however. Your aching body already did quite the impressive job of telling you so regardless.

You let out a small, bitter laugh, the action sending a wave of pain throughout your body. “I’m going to die,” you whispered, your previous laugh being contradicted with the tears that fell from your eyes.

That comment sent Scud into a spiral. He vigorously shook his head at your statement. “You ain’t gonna die. Not on my watch.” He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment to compose himself. He willed the tears that formed in his eyes away, well aware that you needed him to be strong. However, when he opened his eyes again, his heart stopped when he saw your eyes begin to droop. “No. No, look at me. Just look at me.” He gently grabbed your chin in one of his calloused, work-worn hands and forced you to look at him. “Stay with me. Don’t close your eyes. Think of something to keep you awake.”

“Like what?” you asked him softly. His hand fell away from your face, his arms instead wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you into him.

Scud desperately wracked his mind to come up with something. Then, something clicked in his mind. “What’s my word of the day?”

His word of the day. Despite the fact that the man had the brains of Einstein when it came to conjuring up bombs from body lotion and talking about whatever came with fixing up vehicles, you had quickly realized that he oftentimes used words in the wrong context. So in exchange for being taught how to build flamethrowers and other cool things that came with it, you vowed to help improve his vocabulary.

You tried to wrack your hazy mind for a word you had yet to use, thankfully landing on one you, too, had only recently discovered the meaning of. “Abstruse,” you managed to murmur.

“Abstruse?” Scud repeated, his head tilting to showcase his confusion, an action you always found too adorable. “What’s that mean?”

You hesitated for a moment, attempting to recapture your breath that was steadily shortening. “It means ‘difficult to understand’.”

“Oh. Think you can use it in a sentence for me?”

You knew what Scud was doing. He was doing everything in his power to keep you awake. “Sure,” you wheezed, a cough wracking through your body. You knew that wasn’t a good sign, but you chose not to comment on it. Thinking about your current predicament would only make you spiral. Your tears hadn’t stopped, but had slowed down considerably, possibly due to the fact that the pain in your body had given way to a woozy feeling instead—another sign that you weren’t going to last much longer. “So, uh, abstruse. ‘Your handwriting made the letter abstruse’, so basically, ‘your handwriting made the letter difficult to understand’...” you trailed off, your eyes drooping closed against your will.

Scud let out a small chuckle at that. “Is that supposed to be a jab at my handwriting? Y’know I’ve been working on improvin’ it, Sweetheart.” When you didn’t respond, Scud looked down at you. His heart stopped when he saw your closed eyes. “Y/N? Baby?” He gently shook you a couple of times, desperately trying to wake you up, but to no avail. “Y/N!” His heart began to pound against his chest. He leaned forward and hit the metal of the van a couple of times. “B, ya gotta hurry the fuck up! Now!” He turned his attention back to you, the tears now falling freely from his cerulean eyes. He put more pressure against your wound, hoping the action would somehow managed to wake you up. “Don’t worry, Baby. I got you. You’re gonna be just fine.”

Scud just sincerely hoped that he would be able to keep his promise.

[adamarks]

The thing is. Not gonna put this on fox’s post bc it’s a tangent. Anyway the thing is Ed and Stede are kinda codependent? What they are, though, is a) two animals who have pair bonded and b) ed seems to have more of an actual clinical depiction of codependency.

The big thing about codependency is that it’s not actually “one partner keeps the other partner good and pure and keeps them from being Mean and Bad.🥺” Codependency’s whole thing is control. It’s a saviour complex. And THE THING IS? It doesn’t work. You cannot “save” a person from being themself, from engaging in their addiction, from hurting themself. They need to make the executive decision to change, the codependent person cannot do that for them. Thus it becomes a cycle. Try to save -> see that they’re not doing what you want -> get angry/upset/punish yourself for not succeeding/sink with them -> rinse and repeat.

Izzy? Now HE is codependent on Ed. You can be codependent on someone who is perfectly fine. He tries to control Ed’s every move, doesn’t succeed, and inevitably gets angry. If you pick up an on god actual textbook, or like any Melody Beattie book, you will see that he is the very definition of codependency.

Cycling back to Ed, though. I do think he’s codependent. You don’t kill your alcoholic father to protect your mother. We don’t mysteriously never see his mother again and know that he went to sea at a young age for no reason. He tried to save her, it backfired. A woman telling her child that they’ll never have better because god decided they’d be miserable is not ready to be saved, is not ready to get out of an abusive situation.

Then, of course, there’s Jack. Jack is eternally getting Ed to do shit for him. To help him because he’s so helpless uwu or whatever. A douchebag who can’t seem to take care of himself and is on the hunt for someone to cater to him??? Mmm yummy! A codependent’s dream! In the episode, he caters to Jack’s every whim, makes excuses for him, and finally does the “sinking with him” thing when he inevitably pushes too far. This is partly because of Jack’s manipulation, partly because that’s what Ed’s family situation had been.

Now that we’ve established all of that, back to my original point: you don’t stop being codependent just because you get into a healthy relationship. I’m certain that a small part of the breakup era sads was that yet again he’d done something huge, sacrificed something big, and his efforts had gone wholly unwanted, just like what he’d done for his mom. And then there’s that fear. Ed knows the power that people he loves have over him. He knows how he acts in love! He knows how much it hurt when Stede left him! It makes sense, then, that he would run away when he sees Stede doing something he’s not too keen on (going full pirate party animal when Ed doesn’t want to be a pirate anymore). It’s fantastic that he’s running away though! He’s not doing shit he doesn’t want to do to humor Stede like he did with Jack. He’s not trying to force Stede to change directions. He’s not trying to control the situation! He’s seeing that he’s freaking out and he’s removing himself. Albeit poorly, but this is a step closer to being able to actually communicate things. He realizes he’s the variable he can change in dynamics.

So to close up, yeah the relationship is maybe a little codependent but not in the way people seem like to say? It’s codependent in that Ed has codependency issues and those will inevitably crop up in any deeply intimate relationship you’re in. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in a relationship. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is bad or unhealthy. It just means you’re a human person with shit to work on.

[idlerin]

nonsense — 36. need you like oxygen

you still thought of kenma’s message 3 hours later.

it was a good reminder to have, everything that’s happening isn’t something controlled by a superior being pulling at the strings of fate. it was at your pace, you knew oikawa would do it at your pace, but recently, you’ve started to wonder what pace did you want it to go? because with oikawa, it was as if settling back into your previous dynamic was just… comfortable. it wasn’t easy and yet it wasn’t difficult. perhaps, it was his general presence that was familiar and secure, even so, it also felt as if you were experiencing new things with the same person who used to hold your heart.

it was still his to hold onto.

all those months and years of wallowing in fury, being hung up on something that had long since passed. something that no one could blame you for as it left a huge gash in your mind and heart. oikawa wasn’t the primary person to blame for all of the pain you experienced in the past but he was one of the catalysts, the amount of love you gave him in the past was the same love that made you blind with hate.

you’re grateful that despite everything, you received a great support system from your friends. you could say that they were a major part of why you persevered, worked hard, and keep on working hard in the present.

did you ever plan to mend your relationship with your parents? you want to, but not now. there were things you were ready for and things you were not. you think it’s completely fine to focus on things that make you happy until you’re ready to handle more strenuous things of the heart. you were just beginning to fix your relationship with oikawa, and you think that you’d like to completely mend things with him so you could face your parents together. you admit it’s unfair for you to put this expectation on him, but all you wanted was to be completely sure that he was there for you.

you wanted to be constantly assured that he was all in, not just dipping his hands again in waters he didn’t know how to handle. it was the same for you, you wanted to be a better partner, because to be honest, you still weren’t fully convinced that you deserved him. 

again, that train of thought was unfair to both you and oikawa, because you were both trying to be better. it’s not like you could stop these insecurities, you’re also trying your best to repress the negative train of thoughts but you just couldn’t help it. it’s not something to blame anyone on but yourself.

just earlier, when you were surprised to find that oikawa visited you near your university just because he wanted to see you again (where you soon found out he was conspiring with your friends who told on your possible location)— ignoring the fact that you spend practically everyday with him now, unless he had a full packed schedule, it was never enough for him, so to say, he could never get enough of you— made you feel treasured and important. you only hope you could display the same amount of affection towards him in a way that he would notice that his efforts are being reciprocated.

it was a bit difficult to confront him and be open whenever it came to work. there would always be certain boundaries set in place, and one of those would be pretending you didn’t know each other, you didn’t spend countless hours rememorizing his facial features, you didn’t spend years aching for and because of him. you both had to be professional, and you both knew what the nature of his job entailed from the very beginning.

you would always have to be careful because you didn’t know what the consequences would be.

you let out a deep breath.

you were thinking too much again, it contrasted the good mood you were in this morning. you were beginning to resonate with one of those overused corny inspirational quotes that goes along the lines of “your mind is your biggest enemy” at this moment, that cringey quote is completely relatable.

you snapped out of your daze thanks to akane nudging your shoulder. you glanced at her with blinking eyes because of being startled, “sorry, did i space out?”

“no worries, we aren’t even doing anything right now. something on your mind?” akane asked, “is it about a certain good-looking famous heartthrob you’re dating?” she wiggled her brows to tease.

you let out a chuckle and roll your eyes playfully, “whenever i space out, it isn’t always about him you know?” you hit her softly on the shoulder.

“so you’re practically saying it’s usually about him—wait,” akane made an exaggerated shocked expression, “you didn’t deny that you were dating!” she grasped your shoulders, “oh my god tell me all the details!”

“what do you mean?” you scrunched up your nose, squinting your eyes at her.

“hey whenever i used to say “dating” and you-know-who in one sentence you would always like refuse and stuff and deny it then you would deny it even more but this time you didn’t! so that means something,” akane proudly concluded.

“there’s nothing to tell,” you stubbornly say, shrugging and smirking when akane dramatically whines.

“come on, [name],” akane pleads, you know she’s been wanting to know ‘all the juicy details’ for days now.

“nope! now enough of that, where is everybody?” you just realized that you and akane were the only ones in the studio, you checked your watch and it was break time, “riseki too, did he go out to eat without us?”

akane grumbled before fixing herself up, “they all went to watch the live interview of oikawa-san in studio 2, did you not know? i came to pick you up here for that reason cause i thought you might want to watch too. although you probably see his face all the time even during non-working days but i thought it was weird you weren’t there! it’s a big deal you know cause it’s the first time this famous magazine is going to a celeb for the interview, the actors and actresses they invite usually have to come by their studio.”

oikawa mentioned that particular interview earlier in the car, he said he wanted you to watch if you were free (because he didn’t know the exact time they would drop by, you interjected then, asking “how would i know when to watch, then?” he merely answered, “i think you would notice,” he grinned at you), he said it so nonchalantly with the same amount of arrogance as usual that you didn’t think of it as such a big deal. leave it to him to act as if big things weren’t of much importance, of course you wanted to watch.

you then held onto akane’s wrist with a sudden burst of impatience, “come on let’s watch, i’ve probably missed a lot already,” you clutched her hand.

akane made a skeptical—obviously would get you some profuse teasing later on— face, “well someone’s eager.”

“yeah yeah i know, tease me about it later,” you gave up on acting cool when it came to things about oikawa and pulled on her hand to get going.

a crowd.

a crowd is what greeted you the moment you entered studio 2, it looked like everybody decided to spend their break watching oikawa’s interview. that was how enamored with him they were. you hear the whispers of “oikawa-san is so nice” and “he’s so understanding and approachable” so you knew he was definitely a staff favorite. you could even say he was the actor everyone liked the most, if the incessant fangirling and fanboying every working day wasn’t already an evident tell. among the heads of hairs, you could see a glimpse of the magazine crew (because they were unfamiliar faces) maneuvering the equipment like the lighting and fan for the interviewer and oikawa. you could only see the side of his head properly from where you were standing, but you could hear his voice.

“—still overwhelming, years into acting. i still feel like i need more experience, you know? i’m very grateful for the opportunities given to me. i could say that fate’s ridicule ways is a project that i’ve never done before so everything’s really cool,” the smooth baritone of his voice gave a funny feeling in your stomach, no matter how many times you’ve heard it before.

“ooh! i see riseki over there, c’mon [name], he’s standing closer,” akane whispers to you and is now dragging you towards riseki who was indeed nearer the set up (not without a bunch of “excuse me’s” and “oops, sorry’s”). riseki spotted the two of you and ushered you over quickly with him, he even sent you a sly wink and eyes pointedly looking at oikawa. you resist a chuckle and settle for lightly hitting his arm which he smiles-laughs at.

“hmm something you haven't done before? so are the rumors true? your character isn’t going to be one of the ‘good guys’?” the interviewer’s brows were raised, very interested in what he seemed to have discovered.

oikawa’s laughter rang through the studio, “clever, it’s better to wait till it airs,” he smirks. in the middle of his laughter and the interviewer pretending to be dismayed, your eyes met. you notice the slight tense he had on his shoulders softened, and he sends you a secret smile. he was more at ease now that he saw you in the crowd, it gave you a rush, a reminder of how much you really affected him.

“you got me with that one,” the interviewer pretended to think, “how about your rumored romance with alisa haiba’s character? with the kind of teasers coming out, with you and haiba’s pairing putting into work, both of your influences are skyrocketing, what do you have to say about that?” the interviewer sat in a curious position.

“uhm…” oikawa spent a good minute thinking, “i don’t really have anything to say, sorry,” he laughs again, “it’s insane how much people like seeing us together, alisa and i are good friends, i only wish well for both her and i’s careers.”

the interviewer nodded, “alright onto the next—oh just the right question. which actor or actress in fate’s ridicule ways do you like working with the most?” the look on their face insinuated that they already had an expected answer, they were only waiting for oikawa to say it.

the interviewer wanted tooru to mention alisa’s name.

that would surely make thousands of fans go insane. you gulped, you’ve seen fans on the internet ship them, to the point of even making compilations of the limited clips tooru and alisa had together, giving meaning to actions neither actors had thought twice of. they were currently one of the internet’s most talked about on-screen couples despite the show not having been aired yet. you tried to not let it bother you that much since it was inevitable due to the nature of their characters and tooru and alisa’s chemistry even you couldn’t deny.

after all, it was all just work and at the end of the day you were the one presence oikawa seeked to have near all the time.

that was supposed to assure you, it was supposed to be enough.

but it’s not.

again, it’s no one’s fault but yours, that’s why you have to act like normal and not like jealousy is absolutely eating you alive.

ah, that sounds wrong, it’s like you’re making yourself out to be some easily bitter person. you have no ill will towards alisa, in fact, you adore her. maybe it really was different when you know that the person you’re in love with couldn’t flaunt you freely at all.

were you really not cut out for this? if you didn’t break up 3 years ago, would you have broken it off eventually?

“i don’t really have a favorite person to work with, everyone’s really talented and nice—” oikawa began.

“what about haiba-san?” someone from the crowd couldn’t help but shout. it was one of the regular staff, and they must have been forced to shut up by someone nearby because all you could hear after was a muffled grumble of protest.

since the world is cruel, that's when oikawa’s eyes met yours again. he must have seen something he didn’t like because his face contorted into displeasure. you wondered what kind of expression you were making right now for him to look so concerned.

“oh? you heard them, looks like you and alisa have fans even among the crew,” the interviewer tried pushing it.

right then, you felt akane’s hand grabbing yours and comfortingly caressing it with her thumb.

oikawa shook his head, “alisa is lovely to work with, but i don’t have a favorite workmate,” he was suddenly a bit more serious, he must have realized he sounded too stern because he let out a smile, “i can’t just possibly choose only one, we’re all one big family on set.”

the interviewer finally let it go once he realized he really wasn’t going to get anything from oikawa. they moved on to the next questions and the rest of the interview flowed smoothly. the whole time, oikawa kept sneaking glances at you as if at any moment you would storm out and disappear. he acted as he usually did and he did it well, but you notice that the slight tense on his shoulders was back again.

you couldn’t focus properly the whole time too, but you didn’t want to leave. you didn’t want to miss this interview since oikawa wanted you to watch, because of that you want to be there to see the whole thing through. whenever one of those sneaky glances came to be, you gave him a small smile to assure him that you were fine and he was doing great.

the interview concluded and everyone started to disperse, going back to their assigned tasks. you only see oikawa and the interviewer shaking hands, having a little chat. you don’t know why you’re hoping you could have time to talk to him a bit, it didn’t look like he had a moment to slip away from the spotlight. maybe in the silly little head of yours you just wanted to have a one-on-one talk with him, if you do that, maybe the erratic beating of your heart that isn’t due to excitement would stabilize.

riseki tapped your shoulder, “they’re calling the interns over, i think we have to help with some paperwork,” he said to both you and akane. riseki gave you a concerned look but before he could say something you cut him off by grabbing his hand and tugging akane over.

“what are you both waiting for then? let’s go,” you force out a laugh.

you fail to notice the glance oikawa sent your way.

which means you also failed to notice his dismayed expression, he wanted a chance to talk to you before he went back to filming again. what happened earlier must have fed into your insecurities again, oikawa knows of it because of the things you’ve told him before. he just wanted to make sure you were okay, you were just slowly giving him your trust again, he doesn’t want to accidentally lose it again.

it was awful timing that tooru and alisa had a specific scene they had to film together today. that scene had to be the one that required both of them to be in extremely close proximity. you were even more unluckier that you had to assist one of the professionals during their scene. It was their confrontation scene you think, you read through their script due to oikawa just leaving it around in his penthouse. he didn’t mind you reading the manuscript but you don’t think it’s particularly something he’s allowed to do (he doesn’t care).

you can suffer for a few minutes, it’s fine, it won’t mean anything to either of them, so it’s fine. have you said that it’s fine? it’s fine, you’re fine.

so yes you can suffer for a little while.

and suffer you do.

“where do you think you’re going, emira?” oikawa (technically, oikawa’s character, dion) whispers to alisa. oikawa backs alisa into the wall, one of his hands holding a (fake) gun on the side of her head, his other hand grasping at her waist. it wasn’t a romantic scene in hindsight, but the enticing tension they were portraying was undeniable, “do you think i would just let you off?” his hold on her waist tightens ever so slightly.

“don’t be silly dion, i know you better now,” alisa spoke, acting as calm despite the obvious threat to her—emira’s—life. “you won’t shoot me,” she says confidently, looking oikawa straight in the eye.

“hm?” oikawa was amused, “but i’ve always wanted to get rid of you though? this is the perfect opportunity,” he fiddles with the gun, twisting it and smiling maniacally. you got the chills, you were so busy watching oikawa’s performance that you momentarily forgot where you were.

“you still need me,” alisa said, taking oikawa’s hand, the one holding the gun and placing it beneath her temple, “and i’m not scared of you.”

they were so close now, oikawa and alisa were a hair’s breadth away while you were the one feeling breathless.

“you’re bothersome, you should’ve stepped out of this mess a long time ago,” the hand oikawa had on her waist rose to her nape to tilt her head higher, “and yet you’re still here.”

“am i bothersome? or do i just make you feel things you shouldn’t dion?” alisa said.

he fell in love with her.

oikawa gave her a cruel smile, “you’re right… i fell in love with you,” he nudges the gun up harshly, “it’s not the nice kind of love, though,” he then starts letting go of the gun, letting it fall off to the side, “i want you in ways you wouldn’t.”

his hand that once held the gun now held alisa’s chin between his index and thumb, staring at her lips, that’s when she responds, “i don’t have to want it to like it, do i?”

that’s it.

you couldn’t take it anymore.

it was so frustrating how you were so… being so… childish, totally irrational, and how you were losing your mind over it. you were being unreasonably jealous and it’s starting to consume your train of thought.

“cut!” the director clapped, oikawa and alisa stepped away from each other and both began to be pampered by assistants, “perfect! that was great, the tension exuded was very alluring, it was amazing, it looked perfect,” the director looked and acted delighted, “i need a retake of the last few lines though, oikawa, maybe you could lean a bit more closer to alisa? and alisa could you make your expression look more like you don’t want it–but you do, do you get me? alright.”

both actors nodded and conversed about what they should do, oikawa took this slight break to look for you in the crowd too. he saw you, but you were heavily avoiding direct eye contact with him and it was very much obvious to him who seeks your attention so persistently.

your thoughts were all over the place, you definitely did not want to witness oikawa and alisa doing that last part again. luckily, the world gives you kindness this time around and the personnel you were assisting put you aside and told you heavenly words, “that’s all for my work today, thank you for your help. i think you could clock out early now too, just drop by your head kiddo.”

“thank you,” like actually thank you so much i can not handle more of that anymore, thank you so much! thank you! thank you! thank you! you said, you were very thankful in a lot of ways. he smiled at you before waving you farewell, you turn around and go to where riseki was standing to tell him you were allowed to leave early so you might just go ahead. “i’m almost done too, could you wait for me? akane might also be done in a few, maybe we could all drink out—moderately. what do you think?” riseki asked, you laughed when he said moderately probably because of your antics the last time you all went out drinking… and your thinking of oikawa again god. 

“sounds fun, i’ll roam around out though for a bit, i just don’t want to uhm…” you didn’t know how to word it properly, riseki looked to the center where the filming was going on and immediately understood. “it’s cool, i’ll ring you,” riseki nods and you smile at him before heading out.

you didn’t know what to do and you didn’t mean what to do while waiting for akane and riseki. you just didn’t know what to do to solve your complicated emotions, what could you do to make yourself be at ease? you understand that it’s normal, these kinds of feelings are always normal, but you don’t want it to be something normal because it’s such an awful feeling to have.

you started walking to calm yourself and your racing thoughts.

it was just… does he really not feel anything for the other person when he has to act scenes similar to that? how could he detach himself from the character he’s playing? you know that it’s all just a part of his job description. he was an actor, it was literally in the name. that’s why you were even more disappointed in yourself because it’s just nonsensical how you were reacting to this.

with this.. this ugly uncontrollable emotion that makes you want to cry.

but you’re not going to cry, you don’t want to cry anymore, you’ve been crying a lot these days and such a measly thing like this would not bring you to tears. you just need to take a deep breath, you can stay annoyed and frustrated with yourself but you will not result in waterworks.

you refuse.

you didn’t realize how far you’ve gotten on your walk, you managed to reach the park nearby. you then feel your feet starting to ache, it really does you no good to walk so far and for so long. as you were approaching a bench to rest on you felt a drop on your head. you tilted your head up and raindrops started pouring slowly one by one. shit, it was going to rain and you didn’t bring your bag with you, you only had your wallet and phone.

you reach in your pocket to get your phone out, just as you were about to call akane, your phone dies.

it died.

you’ve got to be kidding me.

there was nothing near to shield yourself from the rain, as is, if you ran towards the nearest shelter—which would probably take way too long to run towards, also would be very tiring and would not be worth much of your effort—you would be soaked thoroughly anyways. so what would be the point! you were tired, frustrated, and annoyed as you plopped yourself on the bench and let yourself be drenched by the rain with an angry look on your face.

you give up!

while you were accepting your fate and decided to angrily sit on a bench in the rain, back in the studio they were wrapping up oikawa and alisa’s scene. oikawa was in his trailer pacing back and forth because you weren’t answering any of his calls. all of his scenes for the day were done and he hoped you hadn’t already left because he wanted to take you home, but you couldn’t be contacted. were you upset with him? is that why you weren’t responding to him? he bit his lower lip in anxiousness, he was beginning to become really worried and started to think of possible situations you could be in as to why you couldn’t pick up your phone.

it made him worry more.

a knock on the door had him fix himself up as much as he could to look the least bit more composed, “sato?” he called, thinking it was his manager.

“uhm… no, sorry… it’s uh riseki, [name]’s friend, a fellow intern,” riseki began, oikawa instantly opened the door the moment he heard riseki mention your name. he knew this guy as one of the people that knows about the true nature of you and oikawa’s relationship.

“do you know where she is?” oikawa asked hurriedly which made riseki step back, he caught himself, “sorry.. i was just trying to contact her but she wasn't answering her phone. maybe you know where she is?” he smiled.

“that’s what i came to you about oikawa-san, she wasn’t answering my calls either. she left around 30 or so minutes ago to take a walk because she was going to wait for akane—another intern— and me so we could all go out. i thought of letting you know because well… she seemed to be in an awful mood when she left and i’m worried, you might know better how to face her and make her feel better you know? so yeah that was my train of thought but then it started to rain—” riseki got cut off.

“it’s raining and she’s out there?” oikawa was worried now, knowing you, you were probably drenched in the rain. oikawa looked around his trailer for an umbrella and grabbed the first one he saw.

“yeah so i—”

oikawa ran past him.

he ran frantically across the place, making some of the staff look over him in confusion, it wasn’t everyday you see him look and act so scatterbrained. good thing there was another scene being filmed as of now so the attention wouldn’t be on him, no one would look for him aside from his manager. the only thing on his mind was where you might have gone, he was worried sick. you couldn’t have wandered that far, right?

oikawa braved the rain and started heading out, if you were upset when you left riseki, oikawa deduced you were walking to clear your head, which meant you probably walked mindlessly for the most part so it would be difficult to figure where you could have went. oikawa wandered around the streets for a while, calling out your name in hopes you would respond. he was growing more and more restless. he had to think, think where you could possibly go.

there was a park near the studio, it was a 15? 20? minute walk away… could you have gone all the way there?

his feet started moving before he could finish his thought. the rain wasn’t forgiving and seemed to become harsher with every minute that passed, he didn’t want to waste another second. minutes felt as if it were eternity when the park came into oikawa’s periphery. he still kept calling out your name, he ran around the place before finally spotting your familiar figure sitting on one of the benches.

oikawa ran towards where you were, slowing down when he was inches away from you and his shadow covered yours, “[name],” he uttered in relief. he notices how soaked you were, from your hair to your clothes, his brows furrowed and he leaned the umbrella he was holding until it was hovering over you completely. he didn’t care that he was now getting ambushed by the rain, you were more important.

“i was looking everywhere for you,” oikawa says again, despite the harsh rain being too loud and muffling his voice, he wasn’t sure if you could hear him properly.

you said nothing back.

your head was lowered and it made oikawa more concerned, which is why he resorted to kneeling in front of you even if there was a wet patch on the ground. so he could be the one to look up at you and he could finally see your face. he was successful in his endeavor since this way, he does get to see your face. a pretty face that was looking at him in confusion, oikawa returned the look with a small smile.

“what are you doing?” were the first words you uttered to him, it made oikawa glad even if you sounded appalled.

“i wanted to see my pretty darling’s face, but she didn’t want to look at me,” oikawa said dramatically as he held the umbrella steady over your head, “you know i was calling you a lot, but you weren’t answering, i was worried sick, baby.”

“my.. phone died,” your mouth went agape, you were flabbergasted that he came all the way here to look for you, that you weren’t completely registering everything that was happening, so you blurt out your first observation, “get up from the ground, it’s wet and dirty,” you scolded.

“not important right now,” he says, “why did you run off here hm?” oikawa observes your face to check if there were any tear stains mixed in with the rain drops.

“i just wanted time alone,” you reply, looking to the side to avoid his gaze again.

“why did you just sit here in the rain?” he asks.

“the nearest shop is too far,” you mumble, fidgeting with the bottom of your shirt as you persistently avoid his gaze as much as you can.

oikawa found it a bit funny how it was just so you to not seek shelter just because it wasn’t worth your energy, but he didn’t get to ponder much on how amusing it is because he didn’t like that you won’t meet him in the eye, “did my darling cry?”

that made you look at him, to give him a piercing glare, but at least you looked at him, “i didn’t cry.”

oikawa felt that the mood was too gloomy, he couldn’t help but tease you, “my crybaby didn’t cry?”

“shut up,” you tried kicking him but accidentally splashed him with water instead. you looked apologetic but you didn’t say the words outright.

“hey! you’re the one that said that was dirty but you’re splashing me with it?” oikawa seemed amused though, he was even laughing, “come on, are you so sorry that you can’t look at me, baby?”

you ignore him.

“darling,” he calls, using his free hand to poke your waist.

you ignore him still.

“darling,” he started to poke you continuously, “[name], baby.”

you felt a tick on your forehead.

“darling, darling, darling,” he kept poking you with a little smirk on his face and continued to chant ‘darling’ without a hitch.

“you’re so annoying, tooru!” you were irritated with him now.

oikawa began to laugh uncontrollably, he laughed so hard that he was practically sitting on the ground now. he just thought that you were so cute, he couldn’t help it. meanwhile you started getting very annoyed at his laughter that you splashed him with the rainwater, this time very much intentional. he took this as the cue that he should stand up, you felt a bit bad, oikawa looked a bit roughed up, and he was still holding the umbrella over you. you were too lost in thinking about his actions that you didn’t know how to react when he splashed you with water.

“tooru!” you shouted and stood up from the stupid bench, hitting yourself with the umbrella in the process, “oh my god!” you splashed him again with water in irritation.

oikawa instinctively stepped back and dropped the umbrella, still laughing. you stomped over to hit him on the arm constantly, and he started to back off from you, “baby stop,” he said in a fit of laughter.

he started to run back to be free of your wrath and you ran after him, biting your lower lip to cage in the incoming smile. the both of you made a strange picture right now, two grown adults chasing each other around in the rain.

“come here, oikawa tooru!” you were annoyed at how he could easily dodge your ‘attacks’.

oikawa stopped running away and slowly started walking towards you again, a wide grin on his face, “what my darling wants, she gets,” he states once he was directly in front of you. he caught your wrists before you could hit him again, “are you ready to talk now?”

you took a deep breath, “i am soaking wet from the rain, you made me run around, and it’s still raining and we just looked like total idiots,” you shook your hands, signaling him to let them go and he does. you wrapped your arms around his neck—pulling him closer to you— instead of letting them fall to your sides, which is an action that startled oikawa, “and i don’t know why, but it strangely made me feel better, so yeah, i’m ready to talk now.”

oikawa felt a nice buzz go through his system when you touched him, a sharp intake of breath, “so…?”

“i don’t like feeling like i don’t have the right to call you mine,” he was about to say something but you lifted one of the arms that were wrapped around his neck to use a hand so you could shush him. “it’s childish, and i feel awful that i’m feeling like this. i just wanted some time alone and i also want to point out that you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just a ‘me’ thing. like i’m getting jealous of alisa and she’s lovely so i feel horrible, and i’m also getting jealous of other people you might have been in similar situations with that isn’t for acting. it’s not because i don’t trust you, i do. it’s just there’s so many people out there, how are you sure i’m the one for you?”

you glanced at his face to check for his reaction, you could tell he wanted to oppose you yet he followed your wishes and was listening to you intently, “i have a lot of problems with my self-esteem, trying to control my emotions, my attitude, and a lot of other not very nice things. i’m trying really hard to be better, for me and for you,” your voice becomes quieter at the end, you clear your throat, “that’s… that’s it.”

“[name]...” oikawa started, “i’m here no matter what, i’d stay no matter what, so i want you to know that i’m going to be beside you, always, whenever you need me.”

“i always need you,” you uttered it so low that oikawa almost didn’t catch it.

it made him melt, you make him feel so wanted and loved, “[name], i’m so in love with you and you’re the only—”

you crash your lips into his, it was so sudden that oikawa was frozen in place. you didn’t care that it was raining or that you were in a park, and this really wasn’t the right time to be confessing and kissing but here you both were. when you were about to pull away, oikawa chases your lips, it was as if he was in a trance. he grips your hips to keep you near and your arms wrapped around his neck pull him even closer. he kisses you with so much fervor and longing, you kiss him back with the same intensity.

it took a lot of willpower to pull away, “that was…” you were panting when you let go of him, oikawa almost immediately missed the warmth your touch gave, “..supposed to be just a peck.”

oikawa was staring at you intently, his eyes held hundreds and thousands of things he wanted to say. how much he adored you, how much he longed to be with you for the past years, how he wanted to tell you that there was never anyone else and there will never be anyone else because you’re the only one for him. no one would ever understand him as much as you do, no one would be able to give him comparable care and affection.

he would only ever yearn for you.

“i want more,” oikawa mumbles before reaching for you again. his hands rose from your hips to cup your face and he kissed you again. he couldn’t get enough of you, as usual.

“tooru i—” you gasp, he swallows your words with his lips. it didn’t take you long to forget about what you were going to say and let yourself get lost in him.

you were lost in each other.

the shutter of a camera was clicked from a distance.

@distanse BREAKING: Actor #OikawaTooru rumored to be romantically linked with an unknown woman, who is she and is our favorite charmer actually taken? Find out More!

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✦ fun facts !

akaashi woke up to a series of messages from oikawa begging him to tell what [name]'s favorite places near campus are and where he would usually see her if she's not at her dorm.

kuroo was invited into another stream of kenma's the night before where they played minecraft and started a roleplay-ish drama with their characters.

tsukki's current favorite song is perfect night by le sserafim (ofc it is he's a fearnot)

bokuto adopted a ladybug today.

nonsense ! an oikawa tooru social media au

synopsis. you were oikawa tooru’s #1 fan, until you became his #1 hater. you hated him so much you went viral on twitter (accidentally) and literally became known as “the oikawa tooru hater”, doesn’t help that he keeps fueling the fire by subtweeting you. everyone is all in for this new drama. what isn’t known to the public, is that this particular drama’s been on hold for three years (him being your ex and all).

a/n — who accidentally writes 6k words?? (this gal !!) anyways happy holidays my darlings !!! i miss u all how r u? (also did you guys spot the taylor swift reference? i couldn't help myself)

taglist is closed ! + (1/2) @kawaii-angelanne @ceneridiankaa @kittycasie @rukia-uchiha-98 @polish-cereal @kellesvt @rockleeisbaeeee @kashxyou @imsoluvly @jjulliette @tooruchiiscribs @littlefreakjulia @gomjohs @qualitygiantshoepsychic @mellowknightcolorfarm @komzumeken @migosple @kuroogguk @sangwooooo @katsu-shi @wolffmaiden @rijhi @2baddies-1porsche @yeehawcity @aishkaaa @crueldinasty @renardiererin @yyuiz @llamakenma @penguinlovestowrite @princelingperfect @hearts4faey @yoonabeo @pantherhappy @julia-1901 @godsbiggestmenace @angel-luv-04 @noideawhothatis @bethbat @natsvmie @luna-mothii @lylovw @apinu @leave-rae-alone @kamikokii @bananasquash @eitaababe @minimari415 @hanabihwa @nilopillo

[stuffdtothemaxxarchive]

A thought I had the other day that made me horny so here it is but with more words

Tags: weight gain, USSBBW, (nearly) immobile fat, female reader

TW: mobility issues, medical issues, light humiliation

Imagine one day, while living with your caring feeder partner, you wake up starving. Your partner is at work, so they can’t feed you. So, you realize, you need to feed yourself. But you quickly realize that this might be a problem: the last time you weighed yourself was when you were at the max for your scale, 650 lbs., and that was at least four months ago. You’d definitely gotten bigger since then. So this is going to be a challenge.

You first begin by shuffling your body along the mattress of your bed, slowly getting your fat-swollen legs off the side of the bed. Once you’re sitting, you pause to catch your breath. Even doing so much as sitting up takes tons of effort. Once you’ve caught your breath, you begin the new effort of getting to a standing position. It’s difficult to get enough momentum when you’re struggling with this much fat, but you manage to after nearly ten failed attempts. You can feel your gut slap against your blubbery legs as you stand up, and your boobs slap against your gut. You groan as you give yourself another moment to catch your breath. Getting winded this easily… you might want to invest in getting an oxygen tank.

You take hold of the cane that sits against the wall in front of you. These days, there was barely a chance that you could walk around without needing some kind of support. Unfortunately, your scooter didn’t fit into the bedroom, so until you got to the hall, your cane would suffice.

Now began the hard part: slowly taking steps toward the hallway. Well, it wasn’t really steps, it was more like a shuffled waddle forward. You only manage to get forward a few inches at a time, and your pudgy hand is holding onto your cane for dear life. The fat on your legs wobbles and slaps together, and the fat in your arms sways in time with them. The hunger in your stomach is slowly starting to worsen, especially now that you’re moving so much.

Sweat begins to bead and drop down your forehead as you continue your lumbering stride. You quietly whine to yourself, wishing that your partner was here to rush you back to the bed and get you food. But no such luck.

Finally, you reach the door, and you sigh with relief. The worst part of the journey is almost over. Knowing that there’s no way that you’d get through the door facing forward, you waddle around so that you’re exiting the door from the side. You shuffle slowly to the side into the hallway— and then you’re not moving.

You turn your head around as much as your fat neck and chin can manage to try to find the problem, and it’s immediately apparent. Your butt crack is wedged in the door. And since your stomach is already pushing into the doorframe ahead of you, it’s difficult now to move. You groan with irritation as you try to think of a plan forward. Something that’s definitely more difficult to do when you’re out of breath, sweating like a pig, and starving.

You take in as large of a breath as you can manage, and grab your belly as low as you can reach, lifting it up and back by just a few inches. But good news, it’s the few inches you need to finish getting through the door! Once you’re out on the other side, you sigh with relief. You let go of your huge gut, and it falls with a loud slap back to hanging over your legs.

Thankfully, getting into the scooter just requires you to sit in a seat and swivel to the controls. Once you’re sat down, you flick the button to the motorized scooter on.

Nothing happens.

You try again.

Nothing.

It’s still plugged in— did the battery die during the night?

At this realization, you nearly burst into tears. Just getting here was hard enough, and the distance to the kitchen isn’t that far at all! But the thought of walking more just makes your legs hurt even more. And as you contemplate your situation, your stomach gurgles to get your attention.

You’d have to just push through the pain. It was worth it to get something in your belly.

Thankfully, you still have your walker, which you used before switching over from the scooter. It’s sitting folded right next to you. With a heavy sigh, you heave yourself off of the scooter and back to your feet. You unfold the walker and set it in front of you. Your fat-swollen hands grip onto the handles for dear life, and you begin to trudge forward again.

This walk is still very similar to before— a very slow waddle forward. You can feel your hugeness with every step you take. Every part of you is constantly jiggling, constantly moving around. Sometimes you can feel your hips brush against the hallway walls, reminding you of just how much space you take up. The only sounds you can hear is your fat slapping together and your heavy, labored breathing.

Yeah, you definitely needed to invest in an oxygen tank.

After what feels like hours, you finally make it to your kitchen. You almost start crying from joy as you excitedly waddle toward the food-filled room. You stop right at the fridge, opening it and letting the cold air inside escape to cool off your skin. Your fridge is at least quadruple the size of any normal fridge, and in the door you see the holy grail: gallon tubs of ice cream.

Hastily, you grab a spoon, and you collect all the containers from the top half and drop them to the ground. You then slowly bend down and set yourself down on the cold tile floor. You pop the first lid off and begin to devour it like you haven’t eaten in days.

Time starts to go by in a blur. This ice cream is now the center of your attention. You greedily take in spoonful after spoonful, trying to get all of it in your stomach before it melts. The first tub is gone in mere minutes, though it looks like at least a third of it was covering your face and gut.

You keep eating and eating. You’ve never felt more happy to be filling your huge belly with food. The second container is finished off. Then the third. And then the fourth.

You start to come to your senses when you are halfway through your eighth tub. Discarded gallon tubs surround you, and there’s bits of ice cream smeared almost everywhere. Your stomach feels heavy, and you eat much slower than you did before.

When it’s finally empty, you simply drop the tub back onto the table. Your stomach feels more full than it has in a while; and a quick rub with your hand confirms your fullness. You couldn’t pack anything else in there even if you wanted to. You lean back in your chair, now almost in a haze. You feel your stomach gurgle, now protesting being this full so quickly.

As you wipe some of the leftover ice cream onto your hand to lick it off your fingers, a sudden belch erupts from your mouth. It gives your stomach a bit of a relief, though, so you barely pay it any mind.

Through your haze, you hear the sound of the front door opening and footsteps approach. With half-lidded eyes, you look up to your partner and manage to mumble, “when’s….. dinner….?”

[terra-sketches]

EXTREMELY LONG CHARACTER ANALYSIS OF GEN NARUMI (ft. his one-sided beef with Kafka Hibino)

(Spoilers for the Kaiju no. 8 manga!!)

Maybe I'm just missing smth but i can't for the LIFE of me gauge Narumi's feelings about Kafka.

Before Isao's absorption, Gen is irritated at the suggestion that the First Division needs help from a daikaiju. He insists that he can handle No. 9 on his own and would rather have Kafka turned into a suit. Harsh. He straight up just sees Kafka as another kaiju and doesn't give a single fuck about Kafka's personal reasons for joining the force.

After Isao gets absorbed, Gen backtracks and is like "never-mind, actually I could use your strength now that I know what we're up against" and that's nice and all but then he's also like "I don't care if you turn into a kaiju, I'll just kill you". So you know, two steps forward, three steps back. He still doesn't want to humanize Kafka and that's??? bizarre to me?? Like Kafka has NEVER wronged Gen or done anything to offend him and yet Gen refuses to acknowledge his humanity more than a simple "We really shouldn't let a solider keep fighting to their detriment.... but I'm gonna ask you to stay anyway"

Gen isn't a heartless asshole, we SEE how chill/informal he can be with Kikoru and the rest of the First Division at times, so wtf is his weirdness with Kafka about? His feelings are a little TOO cold when they realistically should be more on the neutral side (like how Isao felt, a very "nothing personal" vibe).

Then Kafka asks Gen to help with private training and Gen's expression is so unreadable??? Is he mad? Does he care? Wtf is going on? Why is he always glaring at Kafka? Is that just his "serious captain" face? Why'd he activate his kaiju eyes? GEN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? DO YOU SEE KAFKA AS AN ALLY OR A FOE? AND WHY?

UPDATE: ok so I’ve thought about it while this sat in my drafts and I can answer my own musings.

I take back what I said about Kafka never upsetting Gen.

Yes he did lol, he TOTALLY did.

And Gen won’t get over it anytime soon but he’s making an effort post-Isao's death. To sum it up, they got off on the wrong foot and Gen is still huffy about it.

Gen’s first impression of Kafka amounts to “Dangerous Daikaiju! Almost killed Mr. Isao >:(“ and that negative sentiment bleeds into every future interaction with Kafka. That’s why he’s unusually hostile and apathetic toward Kafka.

I mean, put yourself in Gen’s shoes.

A 9.8 fortitude (highest fortitude recorded in history) daikaiju is discovered to have been living among the humans (huge red flag) at the third division and your mentor (whom you care about a whole lot) wants to poke at it to test its humanity. You would rather just neutralize the threat while it seems docile but noooooooo, everyone wants to see what it can do. So you’re on standby to watch it plead for it’s life to your mentor. First it's a little pathetic, pretty human actully, but then it goes fucking bonkers on your mentor. You’re waiting for the signal to jump in. But Isao won't give the signal even as he's getting his shit rocked. And you’re like, ‘holy shit am I about the watch this man die!? I gotta get tf out there!” Then No. 8 stabs itself in a freak display of "self-control"??? And finally you arrive ready to kill it but Isao tells you not to?? Like “ok, you’re the boss” but now what?? What are they even gonna do with this unpredictable freak?

Next thing you know, Isao wants you to WORK ALONGSIDE the thing that almost killed him? And you’re like “no wtf, I don’t need its help” bc hello?? You don't trust this unstable thing (and you're kinda prideful). However, Isao insists and you respect Isao enough to reluctantly go along with it. You make sure No. 8 knows its place though! If it makes one wrong move then it’s DEAD MEAT!! No. 8 tries to gives some sob story but you don’t care. It proved how dangerous it can be to humans and that makes it just like any other kaiju. It's past as a human doesn't matter anymore.

End scene---

I understand Gen now omg?? He’s just being cautious, protective even. He doesn’t want someone else to fight No. 8 and get themselves killed (also killing one of the strongest recorded daikiaju in history would be a massive ego boost). That’s why he makes it crystal clear that he’ll kill Kafka if anything happens and that's also why Kafka knows to go to Gen to train his kaiju form.

Gen really will just fucking kill him if things go wrong. And Kafka’s okay with that because he gets that he's a threat. (ouch)

Kikoru doesn’t share Gen feelings and that’s only because Kikoru knew Kafka before the Isao vs. No. 8 fight. Kafka saved her twice so she knows he’s a good man. (Even though he beat the shit out of her father LMAO)

[artful-aries]

How They Flirt With You (Thoma, Ningguang, Xiao)

Thoma

He is sweetness personified, and is absolutely precious in how he flirts with you. Some of his flirtations could go unnoticed or be taken as basic kindness, but eventually it would be noticeable how he is always ready to bend over backwards for you, more so than most

He’s going to make you your favorite dishes at every opportunity, mend your favorite shirt if you complain about a new hole that’s appeared, and will constantly try to line up his schedule so that he is free when you’re free

It’s easy to just mistake these actions as Thoma just being kind though, which does frustrate him. Sure he normally goes the extra mile when helping people, but can’t you see that it’s so much different when he does it for you?

When his attempts don’t register with you, he begins to doubt himself a little. Perhaps this was your way of letting him down easy? After mulling over it some more, Thoma would decide to refine his efforts to be a little more direct before he gives up

He compliments you on your appearance frequently, and looks for excuses to ‘accidentally’ brush his hand against yours, or lay a gentle hand on your shoulder or hips. He’s just so touch starved at this point, he’s willing to do anything to satiate his deep crush on you just a little bit, so long as you don’t express discomfort

Any time you express a negative or even neutral opinion of yourself, this man is going to suddenly turn into your number one cheerleader, reminding you just how great you are (an opinion that may or may not be biased)

It’s his words of lovely affirmation and the gentle look in his eyes that would finally clue you in to the fact that he is trying to flirt with you, desperately so

With each kind word or action he does, you begin to notice the glimmer of hope behind his eyes, hoping that this time will be the time that you get it. This time you will realize that no, he is not just kind, he is absolutely smitten with you

Thoma would definitely combust if you were to ever flirt back with him, especially if you took a more teasing route with it. He would turn a deep red at your words, unable to stutter out any kind of coherent response

Though he would have been lamenting how dense you were to his flirtations this whole time, he would be pretty dense himself and not realize that your teasing flirtations were in fact genuine and not just making fun of him

Ningguang

Flirting isn’t her MO, but not because she is awkward or clumsy. She genuinely just doesn’t see the point in flirting too much; if she sees something she wants, she’s going to be very direct about it

Time is money, and she certainly isn’t going to beat around the bush

Still, for the sake of not coming across too strong or seeming creepy, she will allot a set of time to made casual advances towards you

Grazing touches are her go to method; it’s an action that is light enough not to make you uncomfortable, but undeniably flirtatious so that there is absolutely no confusion or chance of misreading the situation. Ningguang is into you, and wants you to know it

She’s also going to be giving you borderline bedroom eyes, staring at you with a sly smirk any time you enter her line of sight

When this somehow doesn’t work, or doesn’t work quickly enough for her, she is definitely going to buy you very lavish gifts, somewhat flexing her position as the Tianquan in the process

She doesn’t want you to think she’s only about money, but it’s no secret that having the amount of money she has is a huge plus. She wants you to know that she would take care of you should you reciprocate her flirtations, you’ll never be left wanting anything for another day of your life

To add icing to the cake, Ningguang will not hold back her praise for you. She’s going to compliment every aspect of you, head to toe, as well as make remarks about how your intellect interests her, or how you have unique opinions

If after all of this you somehow still did not seem to catch on to her feelings, Ningguang will become impatient and just straight up confess that she likes you

However, if you do return her flirtations without her having to confess, it almost excites her. She’ll keep exchanging flirtations with you back and forth until one of you finally decides to give in and confess

Ordinarily she’s not one to ‘waste time’ like this, but the opportunity to see how you flirt and how far you’ll go is just too good for her to pass up

You will end up winning this competition though, because before long Ningguang will just be dying to get the confession out of the way to get to the good part

Xiao

He doesn’t really know what flirting is, and also doesn’t see the point of it

If he likes you, he likes you and will just come out and say it. Doesn’t understand why humans like to avoid telling the truth of their feelings. If you were to tell him that flirting can be fun for humans, the concept just goes over his head. It just seems like too much of a hassle to him

Despite this, there are telltale signs that he has feelings for you before he even confessed

Xiao has a staring problem, you’ll think he absolutely hates your guts by the way he glared at you all the time. In reality, he’s just trying to piece together why a human would be making him feel all of these strange emotions suddenly

The second sign is that his cheeks will flush ever so slightly when you get close to him. He will act like he doesn’t want you to get close because of his karmic debt, which is partially right, but mostly he just gets way too flustered when you get close to him

The third sign that he likes you is how grumpy he is whenever he rescues you from hilichurls, demons, or any other threat in Liyue. He scolds you almost like a parent would, criticizing your decisions that landed you in that situation in the first place

The truth is that he was very worried about you, but he just doesn’t know how to express that in a way that doesn’t come across as a little bit rude or condescending of your ability to protect yourself

The fourth and final sign that he cares about you; he will give you permission to call his name whenever you need him

Even when you put Xiao to the test and say his name randomly at odd hours, he is there immediately. He gets angry when you just do it for non emergency reasons, but he will never tell you to stop

If you were to use this opportunity to flirt with him, Xiao.exe stops working. He doesn’t even know how to handle your advances, and will likely just teleport back to Wangshu Inn once you confirm you aren’t in danger. He totally doesn’t spend the rest of his evening staring up at the starlit sky, blushing and thinking about how you flirted with him

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

TTD - First Meeting 1/4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 and end

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Hero stopped on the threshold of the old warehouse. They examined their surroundings, as if to check what was hiding beyond them. Of course they could see nothing. There wasn’t any light. The voice itself seemed slightly deformed with some kind of white noise – it had to be a transmission.

“Why ?” they asked politely.

“Because you won’t see another day again if you step in.”

Hero tilted their head. They grabbed their flashlight, and – what ? They squinted their eyes, but the ray of light bounced on the darkness and went back to them.

Now, that didn’t seem very normal.

“I see what you mean,” they said.

Then they shrugged and entered. A booming laugh resonated as the doors locked themselves brutally behind Hero:

“You’re mine now ! Miiiine ! You belong to the eternal night of everlasting darkness !”

“Uh. Um, okay.”

The laugh stopped and the voice sounded suddenly a bit sulking:

“That’s all ? No witty remark ? No cutting repartee ? I thought you were a Hero. I’m disappointed.”

“Sorry. I’m just trying to do my job. But I have things to say.”

“Let’s hear it, my little prey.”

“Well, there were a bunch of burglaries in this part of the town, and the managers of the stores always complained about the lights that went out no matter what they did before the act. So I’ve investigated a little and I’ve pinpointed this location.”

“How very smart of you, prisoner. You’re the only one who could find the truth and stay alive this long. No doubt you must be special.”

Embarrassed, Hero rubbed the back of their neck.

“Nah, I’m not very high-ranked, actually.”

“I’ve seen you before, though. I remember.”

Hero stroked one of their crochet twists and absentmindedly smiled:

“Yeah, the rainbow beads help, usually. It’s not because I work as hard as I can that I’m very important.”

“Why are you on my trail all by yourself, then ?”

“ As far as I know, you haven’t killed anyone. You just stole the supplies you need, I have the list... so forgive me if I’m not very much intimidated. I mean, you took a lot of Twinkies ?”

“Food’s survivor.”

“It doesn’t even last very long, actually.”

“...You must be the life of the party. Well, it doesn’t matter. I salute you for your efforts, but your time has come to an end.”

“Is that so ?”

“I control shadows, little Hero. My powers are beyond your reach.”

“Yeah, but you use them to steal Twinkies.”

“Would you stop with that ? Very well, I shall make you forget all about them. Behold my lair and despair !”

Pale blue dots weakly illuminated the huge warehouse. A large screen appeared by the ceiling, revealing a hooded figure, but Hero’s attention was somewhere else. There were forms around them that at first they took for furniture – and in a certain sense they were. One of them could certainly be viewed as a chair, if you forgot the huge spikes on the seat, just as the wooden frame in front of it had been made for people to lay down, if the manacles could be taken into account. Hero stared at all this, at the cages on the ground, at the chains on the walls, and stopped walking, their heart suddenly beating way faster. There were traces of red here and there. All of this was separated from them thanks to a glass wall.

“Have I just seen you shudder, Hero ?” simpered the voice. “Or are you still convinced that I’m not so dangerous ?”

Hero did wince. They also took a step back and a deep breath before seeking for an opening.

“I can assure you there’s no way out”, said Villain. “Unless you are strong enough to smash the doors you came from, but then you’d have already broken out by now. Or do you think I’m foolish enough to be around ? Are you so mad for revenge that you have to seek me out?”

“I’m not mad yet. I just want to check something.”

“You should be. I count my victims by the dozens and no one realized that because you heroes are that disastrous. Many disappeared, but no one cared about them. You want to make me think you do? ”

“Yes.”

Hero finally found what looked like a door. After fumbling for a moment, their hand closed on a handle and they could get to the other side. Surrounded by darkness, the torture instruments looked as sinister and impressive as their function implied. Right until the moment when Hero’s fingers brushed against a huge spike and pushed.

Their thumb went into the metal with no problem and left a mark. This time, it was Hero’s laugh that boomed in the room.

“It’s tin, isn’t it ?” they asked to the hooded figure. “Man, it’s impressive. You made me believe it for a minute. The blood is painting, right ?”

“...Maybe.”

“It’s like you’ve made a ghost train ride all by yourself. You’re an artist. I mean it.”

They rubbed their hands together to get rid of the red painting:

“But I have to catch you now.”

The voice growled in answer:

“Then come to find me, nemesis. That’s what you’ve just become.”

“Thank you. I will bring you Twinkies in prison.”

“Oh, I will end you.”

*

(Yes, it's the first time these two dorks have met. Sequel here)

Back to the These Two Dorks masterlist.

Or back to Hero x Villain Masterlist.

[blues824]

Can we get the TWST dormleaders with an S/O that is a FBI agent for the BAU? I enjoyed reading the one with the Obey Me brothers!

My search history looks like I’m committing every single crime to every single degree. But, this fic is a victory for Yuu/YN/Mc, and you’ll see why.

Riddle Rosehearts

He is definitely intrigued, since you don’t seem phased by your chosen profession. You’ve been faced with actual serial killers to try and find the motive as to why they did what they did, and you don’t seem to be affected mentally or emotionally.

What freaked him out was during a small date between the two of you in the labyrinth. You both were taking a small break for tea, when you told him that one of the leading reasons for homicide was because the perpetrator had suffered through too much abuse. 

That’s when he realized that he might want to consider therapy, since he is one step away from actually killing someone. After living with his mother for the 17 years of his life, he doesn’t want to risk hurting you because of a psychotic break.

Leona Kingscholar

He didn’t care at first, until you started digging into the issues within everyone. You told him that jealousy was one of the leading motives for murder, and you tried to make a light-hearted joke about him being one step away from just offing his brother.

Well now he’s really looking at and assessing himself to see if he needs to go to counseling because you were right: he was one step and a psychotic break away from just killing the monarch of the Sunset Savannah because he was tired of being seen as #2.

You give him an overall summary that everyone at NRC already has a motive for committing a serial crime, so now he’s definitely concerned. Mans will stray as far away from anyone (*cough cough* Malleus *cough cough*) since they’re all ticking time bombs.

Azul Ashengrotto

For someone in your profession, you seem calm. It does make sense, however, since if the person you’re assessing can get under your skin then that wouldn’t be any good. You still terrify him though, since you fly through NRC with ease.

You were unsettling and intimidating to him, even though you were very polite and courteous. It was during a Housewarden meeting where you brought it up to Crowley that he might want to consider investing in a school counselor. Azul was genuinely frightened when you explained that everyone was a pin’s drop away from killing a peer, and the Headmage couldn’t argue against you since you were a professional.

Well, the campus has been more stress-free because they now have the option to talk with a different professional rather than dumping all of their issues on you. Even the sneaky cecaelia himself went to counseling and felt a large burden being lifted off of his shoulders. 

Kalim Al-Asim

He honestly didn’t know what a BAU agent was until you told him that you basically found the reason why someone committed a federal/serial crime. Then he was very worried about how you survived for this long.

This man would one day ask if you could read his psyche, and he was pleasantly surprised. He was one of the most mentally stable people on campus, but then you told him that Jamil was one step away from going batshit.

Your efforts in trying to establish a system of mental and emotional support paid off, and Kalim took part in funding it. You both made a huge difference and now there is a school counselor at Night Raven College. 

Vil Schoenheit

He’s only heard of the occupation through films, so as he does your makeup he will ask you more questions about it since movies don’t always get it right. This man’s eyes went wide when you told him how you had to sit with federal criminals and try and evaluate them to determine their motives.

So, what you were saying is that you constantly put yourself in danger by sitting with criminals who could attack you at any point? Oh, no. This wouldn’t do at all. All he can say is that he’s glad you’re here and not risking yourself for your job (don’t let him hear about the field operations of the FBI).

Then, you made the mistake of telling him that since he’s constantly jealous of Neige, he’s only a few steps away from just ending either himself or the Snow White look-alike. He’ll be right back, he’s booking a therapy session right now.

Idia Shroud

He’s also only heard of your job through movies, so when he gets more comfortable around you he is asking questions left and right. Instead of being appalled, he’s intrigued as to the most common motives that you’ve seen.

Mans could listen to you until his ears bleed. Idia comes from a family that studies blot, which is accumulated through strong emotions. So, aside from the obvious, the jobs you two had were more similar than one would think.

This man also supported you in getting Crowley to establish a system of support for the students, but he didn’t help financially. He helped by making a threat to the old crow and told him that if he didn’t, he would use his family’s influence to link the bird not hiring a school counselor to the overblots.

Malleus Draconia

He didn’t know anything about your job until you brought it up during one of your nightly walks. He tried to keep calm as you told him that you were constantly put up against federal criminals to try and find the motive behind their crimes, but it was taking all of his willpower.

The Prince found it interesting, sure, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your mental or even physical health. He was angry that your employers would put all of this responsibility on you, but you assured that the more dangerous people were put in a straight jacket. That totally made him feel better.

You teach him about the power that emotional support can have, and he helps establish a system at NRC. Since he is one of the five most powerful mages, Crowley couldn’t exactly refuse. He can see the difference that you made, and he congratulates you by giving you a rose on one of your walks.

[stuffdtothemaxx]

Random belly thoughts [repuload]

A thought I had the other day that made me horny so here it is but with more words

Tags: weight gain, USSBBW, (nearly) immobile fat, female reader

TW: mobility issues, medical issues

Imagine one day, while living with your caring feeder partner, you wake up starving. Your partner is at work, so they can’t feed you. So, you realize, you need to feed yourself. But you quickly realize that this might be a problem: the last time you weighed yourself was when you were at the max for your scale, 650 lbs., and that was at least four months ago. You’d definitely gotten bigger since then. So this is going to be a challenge.

You first begin by shuffling your body along the mattress of your bed, slowly getting your fat-swollen legs off the side of the bed. Once you’re sitting, you pause to catch your breath. Even doing so much as sitting up takes tons of effort. Once you’ve caught your breath, you begin the new effort of getting to a standing position. It’s difficult to get enough momentum when you’re struggling with this much fat, but you manage to after nearly ten failed attempts. You can feel your gut slap against your blubbery legs as you stand up, and your boobs slap against your gut. You groan as you give yourself another moment to catch your breath. Getting winded this easily… you might want to invest in getting an oxygen tank.

You take hold of the cane that sits against the wall in front of you. These days, there was barely a chance that you could walk around without needing some kind of support. Unfortunately, your scooter didn’t fit into the bedroom, so until you got to the hall, your cane would suffice.

Now began the hard part: slowly taking steps toward the hallway. Well, it wasn’t really steps, it was more like a shuffled waddle forward. You only manage to get forward a few inches at a time, and your pudgy hand is holding onto your cane for dear life. The fat on your legs wobbles and slaps together, and the fat in your arms sways in time with them. The hunger in your stomach is slowly starting to worsen, especially now that you’re moving so much.

Sweat begins to bead and drop down your forehead as you continue your lumbering stride. You quietly whine to yourself, wishing that your partner was here to rush you back to the bed and get you food. But no such luck.

Finally, you reach the door, and you sigh with relief. The worst part of the journey is almost over. Knowing that there’s no way that you’d get through the door facing forward, you waddle around so that you’re exiting the door from the side. You shuffle slowly to the side into the hallway— and then you’re not moving.

You turn your head around as much as your fat neck and chin can manage to try to find the problem, and it’s immediately apparent. Your butt crack is wedged in the door. And since your stomach is already pushing into the doorframe ahead of you, it’s difficult now to move. You groan with irritation as you try to think of a plan forward. Something that’s definitely more difficult to do when you’re out of breath, sweating like a pig, and starving.

You take in as large of a breath as you can manage, and grab your belly as low as you can reach, lifting it up and back by just a few inches. But good news, it’s the few inches you need to finish getting through the door! Once you’re out on the other side, you sigh with relief. You let go of your huge gut, and it falls with a loud slap back to hanging over your legs.

Thankfully, getting into the scooter just requires you to sit in a seat and swivel to the controls. Once you’re sat down, you flick the button to the motorized scooter on.

Nothing happens.

You try again.

Nothing.

It’s still plugged in— did the battery die during the night?

At this realization, you nearly burst into tears. Just getting here was hard enough, and the distance to the kitchen isn’t that far at all! But the thought of walking more just makes your legs hurt even more. And as you contemplate your situation, your stomach gurgles to get your attention.

You just have to push through the pain. It was worth it to get something in your belly.

Thankfully, you still have your walker, which you used before switching over from the scooter. It’s sitting folded right next to you. With a heavy sigh, you heave yourself off of the scooter and back to your feet. You unfold the walker and set it in front of you. Your fat-swollen hands grip onto the handles for dear life, and you begin to trudge forward again.

This walk is still very similar to before— a very slow waddle forward. You can feel your hugeness with every step you take. Every part of you is constantly jiggling, constantly moving around. Sometimes you can feel your hips brush against the hallway walls, reminding you of just how much space you take up. The only sounds you can hear is your fat slapping together and your heavy, labored breathing.

Yeah, you definitely need to invest in an oxygen tank.

After what feels like hours, you finally make it to your kitchen. You almost start crying from joy as you excitedly waddle toward the food-filled room. You stop right at the fridge, opening it and letting the cold air inside escape to cool off your skin. Your fridge is at least quadruple the size of any normal fridge, and in the door you see the holy grail: gallon tubs of ice cream.

Hastily, you grab a spoon, and you collect all the containers from the top half and drop them on the table. You then slowly bend down and sit down in the kitchen chair. It creaks dangerously loud underneath your heft. You pop the first lid off and begin to devour it like you haven’t eaten in days.

You keep eating and eating. You’ve never felt more happy to be filling your huge belly with food. The second container is finished off. Then the third. And then the fourth.

You start to come to your senses when you are halfway through your eighth tub. Discarded gallon tubs surround you, and there’s bits of ice cream smeared almost everywhere. Your stomach feels heavy, and you eat much slower than you did before.

When it’s finally empty, you simply drop the tub back onto the table. Your stomach feels more full than it has in a while; and a quick rub with your hand confirms your fullness. You couldn’t pack anything else in there even if you wanted to. You lean back in your chair, now almost in a haze. You feel your stomach gurgle, now protesting being this full so quickly.

As you wipe some of the leftover ice cream onto your hand to lick it off your fingers, a sudden belch erupts from your mouth. It gives your stomach a bit of a relief, though, so you barely pay it any mind.

Through your haze, you hear the sound of the front door opening and footsteps approach. With half-lidded eyes, you look up to your partner and manage to mumble, “when’s….. dinner….?”

[gingerlurk]

Lovers' Crest | Chapter 12: The Visit

Din Djarin x f!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You have more questions than before. The same goes for Din.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, slow burn, non-canon (the Razor Crest never gets destroyed, it also gets upgraded with a cabin), post season 3, Calvinball with canon and Mandalorian lore (making it up), light angst.

A/N: A short chapter here, will post the next one fairly soon. Been an interesting week to be a Din Djarin/Pedro Pascal fan hasn't it? Hope you're hydrating! Thanks for reading, big love.

--

The leader of the revived Mandalorian people is not so proud as to deny you to work on her speeder. She has a refreshing air of keen intelligence and frank regard. You like her.

Bo-Katan Kryze stands beside you as you fiddle with a mess of pistons and shaft lines. She asks an occasional question, but mostly looks out across the work site. Her people move about with quiet efficiency. They’re on a ranging operation – a huge group surveying a ruined city. Din had said he needed to go out there to see her – pay respects or something. So, after a terrifying meeting with a leader named simply, the Armourer, your group of three had flown the Crest out to join them.

The shade of the hangar is surprisingly cooling in the rocky, hazy clime. You spy Din by himself across the expanse, lifting crate after crate from a transport tray and stacking them neatly against a craft. You make a mental note to bother him later about adequate rehydration.

You’ve decided the person standing next to you is your best option to ask about what’s been gnawing away at you in the time it took to reach Mandalore. She and Din seem to hold each other in a profoundly high esteem, and you can see she deeply cares for him, and Grogu.

And, since Din’s big speech about the ‘sacrifices’ you made and the ‘honour’ and ‘loyalty’ you exhibited in retrieving that beskar cache, she’s ensured you’ve been welcomed and your offers to assist their rebuilding efforts accepted.

Although it was mostly when she’d reached up, removed her helmet and looked you dead in the eyes that did it. When you realised there was so much here you didn’t know. So much about Din Djarin the Bounty Hunter. So much about Mandalorians. What little you’d gleaned from discs and stories. It was nothing at all.

Still, it was just the one question you couldn’t shake at the minute. Just ask it. She’ll give you an honest answer, you think, then you’ll know.

You twist a coil of wire around and around the kit, worrying at it over much as you force the words out.

‘What does sha--’ you pause on the unfamiliar word, push it around your mouth. ‘What does shareekah mean?’

Bo-Katan turns to you sharply, but keeps an even gaze that takes in your pinched features and nervous fiddling with the bit’s end.

‘Cyar’ika?’ she asks, putting more softness on the final syllable than you had managed.

‘Sure, yes. That,’ you strip more rubber from the coil and continue twisting.

You glance sidelong at her, see Bo’s eyes soften. Then you look out into the glare. She follows your gaze to see the lone figure straighten and stretch out. 

‘It’s a form of endearment,’ she murmurs. ‘Generally, it means “darling”, “or “sweetheart”.’

The part ready, you slip it into place, plugging the ignition gauge into the new switch you’ve created, trying to remember how to breathe. You can handle this.

But, Bo continues. ‘It’s meaning is contextual though. In certain contexts, it can also be held to mean, “most beloved”.’

Oh. Force the new question past dry lips. ‘What kind of contexts?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she shrugs, arches a brow. ‘Bringing a stranger with no clan to a secretive people’s home world and convincing everybody present it was a really good idea?’

You jam the speeder’s hatch closed a touch too hard. Bo looks back at you. You give yourself a shake and huff, ‘Okay, she’s ready.’

A couple of flicks to the dash and the machine hums to life.

‘You’re going to see a lot more room at the top end now. And the glide will be tighter. I suggest heading out somewhere flat and opening her up.’

Bo-Katan gives you a small smile, a hand on your shoulder. ‘Thank you,’ she says. She replaces her helmet and swings a leg over the saddle, wasting no time zipping out from the sheltered spot. The engine roars overhead a moment later and you hear an honest-to-gods, ‘Wooooo!’ fade out.

That makes you smile. It’s a relief.

Another speeder glides in and you prepare to begin again. The towering rider dismounts and takes up a stoic vigil behind you, leaving you to your thoughts. You glance up and see Din out in the sun, looking back at you.

After witnessing a compelling ritual of armoured Mandalorians filing through a mess tent, some taking to gather around dotted fires to remove their helmets and eat, and others stepping away, fanning out to private spots – including Din, hand first squeezing your shoulder gently – you excuse yourself, begging fatigue, and head the short distance back to the Crest. 

The dusk air finally brings a cooling breeze, and you settle on letting that carry your simmering nerves back down to the earth. Seating yourself in the opening of the ship, feet thumping out a nervous pattern on the ramp, you breathe the sharp air and try to calm. You’d been growing aware of the true depth of Din’s feelings for you – even before you’d finally reckoned with each other. The conversation with Bo-Katan confirmed it. And now you’re left to wonder why it has sparked such a sharp panic within you.

There was no question you’d fallen hard for Din Djarin. Who wouldn’t? You thought you’d experienced great, epic loves before – but they all paled compared to this.

A problem was that when those old romances had crashed and burned, you’d never been sure you could piece yourself back together. And now this. What would happen to you if you lost this? You angle to the side and lean hard against the wall of the Crest, willing its cool hard surface to draw you down into yourself. It seems to hum back.

‘Be honest,’ you say aloud. ‘Am I completely fucked?’

Silence. Your breath ghosts against the wall of the ship.

Another problem was the one that had settled hard over you since stepping foot on Mandalore. This was a devout people, with a troubled and difficult history. The customs and culture were rigid, out of a survivalist’s necessity. And, as far as you could tell, their beliefs revolved around mystic superstition and ancient scriptural doctrines. Even the more pragmatic among them, like Bo-Katan herself, had an air of fateful intent around everything they said and did.

It had all given you the distinct feeling that what you and Din had found together did not fit into their way.

Even if it did, what did it mean? 

What did the love of a Mandalorian mean, ultimately? Where were you heading? What was Din expecting? You know he takes it all incredibly seriously – it’s his identity. How do you fit into all this?

You don’t know how to ask these questions. So, with an avoidant will, you push them to the side. Ferry them away like so much else. For now, you think dimly.

Out of the darkened evening, you spot a pair of lights heading for you. Din and Grogu emerge into the glow of the Crest a moment later. Grogu hurries forward to hop into your lap and you nuzzle the top of his head, enjoying his content purr and feeling calmness wash over you finally. 

Din takes you in, huddled in the door of the ship with his son. ‘Shall we get some rest,’ he asks, approaching you with a hand outstretched. You take it and stand, letting him crowd you around and into the hold.

--

Later, when you’re asleep against his chest, cool breath tickling his neck, Din once again thinks back to his conversation with the Armourer. 

After depositing the beskar and engaging in a stilted exchange of formalities, you and Grogu had been dismissed. You’d shot him a puzzled look as you followed the kid out. A what-the-fuck-is-her-deal kind of look.

Once alone with the Armourer, the two of them had sat down and discussed the best use of the beskar.

‘We have many needs, now that Mandalore is revived,’ she’s saying. Din just nods and agrees with whatever she suggests, flattered to accept an upgraded flamethrower. He’s just waiting for the inevitable. The Armourer’s perception and intuition were always an intimidating thing.

And sure enough, once the ingots of precious metal have been allotted, she goes still and stares hard at him.

He waits. Feeling not entirely ready.

She looks to the door you’d exited through, then returns her gaze to him.

‘You have coupled,’ the Armourer says.

‘Yes.’

‘She is not Mandalorian.’

‘No…’

A long, pregnant wait. She leans in.

‘Have you ever removed your helmet?’

‘No.’

‘Has it ever been removed by others?’

‘Never.’

‘This is the Way.’

‘This is the Way.’

She stands and strides to her forge.

That wasn’t so bad, he thinks. But then he’s thrown.

‘Do you know why we follow the Way, Din Djarin?’ she asks. He’s not sure what answer she is seeking. ‘The main reason?’

Once again, he waits.

‘To survive,’ she says. ‘We have been a diaspora, carved apart and hunted. We’ve followed the Way so we may continue. Do you think that holds true now that we are a united people of Mandalore?’

She turns back to him, seems to be genuinely waiting for an answer. He says, in all honesty, ‘I don’t know.’ 

It hadn’t even occurred to him to question it.

She tilts an appraising helm at him, moves back to sit opposite him again. He’s never witnessed her so restless.

‘Neither do I,’ she says, low and intense. He’s floored. ‘But I contemplate this question, every day, seeking the answers for the good of our people. As I do so, you should contemplate the questions that plague you now. Where do you fit? And where might she?’

The Armourer lets that shockwave wash through him. Then, changes the subject.

‘Your apprentice, Din Grogu, is due for his first Sojourn of the Will with his fellow students. There is one coming in a single moon’s turn. It is an important undertaking for every apprentice.’

Din welcomes the change in the course of this discussion and thinks. He knew he would have to face Grogu taking part in one of these things eventually. Had been dreading it actually. But it had to happen sooner or later.

‘I suppose now is a good time,’ Din ponders. He doesn’t want to be apart from his kid. But the Armourer’s right, it is an important rite of passage.

And, it means alone time with you. Time to figure all this out.

Time to tell you how he truly feels, maybe.

--

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(I am ambivalent about the movie announcement - swinging hard in positive-negative directions. But I don't think I like the new artwork that came with it at all. Something about the light reflected on Din's helmet is giving me BSG Cylon vibes? And is that an exploding ship he's jet-packing away from? Because if so, how is the poor child breathing...? Anyway, those are my thoughts byyyye.)