#did this for something else and wanted to plop the parallel here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leohtttbriar · 1 year ago

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the way the camera lingers on jadzia for so long after this moment, how so deeply pleased kira is with the memory of her mother at the beginning of the episode and how deeply pleased jadzia is with kira's pleasure, got me thinking about how i really wanted them to have a parallel conversation at the end of this episode, given how open jadzia is as a person and how frustrated she gets with absolutist ethics and how open they are with each other. i just think there was one single missing conversation in this episode and jadzia would've worked in that position, provided kira with something that maybe sisko couldn't, as a creature mostly focused on what is "interesting" and "fun" and pleasurable.

so i wrote it of course and decided the intimacy i most wanted to see from them in such a scene is the sort of intimacy of two people who have been each others' companions for a very long time. which made me think about how the dax symbiont is jadzia's lifelong companion and how dax and kira and the symbiont all have a specific attitude about the body and how jadzia was the only voice speaking for kira's ownership of hers...that's love, is what i mean. said "missing scene" below:

jove's doom is void (ao3 link)

There was an observation window near one of the radiation labs, curving against the plated wall of the Station like a forgotten eye on the back of one’s head. In such an uncomfortable little corner of Deep Space 9, few people stopped and worked and noticed. But Kira noticed.

She sat in front of the window on the floor, straining in the relative darkness to see as far as she could into the depths of the universe, because what else was she supposed to do? If she closed her eyes, all she saw was her mother’s face and all she felt was the rough line of her mother’s scar under the pads of her fingers and all she could smell was food.

“You’re going to have to talk to me eventually,” said Jadzia. She had been silent for much longer than Kira expected her to be, after finding her by the window and plopping down by her side. She’d been busy tracing the lines on Kira’s left hand and wrist, astutely sensing that that was all the touch Kira could yet handle.

“I’ve already talked,” said Kira, keeping her eyes on the darkness.

“You told me what happened,” countered Jadzia, her fingers still strong on Kira’s skin. “Not how you feel about it.”

“No, I’m sure I mentioned that.”

Jadzia huffed, always amused, but she didn’t let Kira get away with it. “You said you told Benjamin about all this, too,” she prompted. “What did he have to say?”

“Something wise.”

“Hmmm,” said Jadzia, tapping her chin with her free hand. “Doesn’t sound like him…”

Kira looked over at her, at the tilt of her mouth and the attention of her eyes, and sighed. “He said,” she glancing down at her hand in Jadzia’s lap. “He said that she did make a hard choice—that she chose to protect us in the best way she knew how.”

Jadzia was quiet again and Kira let her gaze blur, curling her hand slightly to keep Jadzia’s fingers still.

She couldn’t shake the feel of her mother’s hair or the sound of her breathless voice as she ran to the table piled with dinner. A desperate, pathetic thing—no more or less like the little girl she had shaken hands with, her own young self, starving in a cave and still trusting her parents to eventually save her from it. To innocently hide a scar on one’s face, to exclaim over fresh fruit, to find relief in a new dress…Kira found none was the behavior of a woman so often described as brave.

“Not really a choice, though.”

Kira’s fog briefly cracked open at Jadzia’s tone. She turned to look at Jadzia’s face, who was pressing her lips together and avoiding her eyes and smiling straight-on, the way she did when she wanted to keep presenting as amicable because she didn’t quite want to express her true thoughts.

“What?” Kira asked.

“Nothing,” said Jadzia, tightening her smile. She squeezed Kira’s hand gently. “Ignore me. I just want to be here for you.”

“But what did you mean?” Kira pushed.

Jadzia took a deep breath in and then said, “Benjamin was tiny bit mistaken.” She shrugged awkwardly. “I wouldn’t call it a choice.”

Kira removed her hand from Jadzia’s grasp and turned to face her, sliding back on the floor until her back hit the wall just beneath the observation window, her eyes falling over the strange refracted light on Jadzia’s face from distant stars—shining behind and around the wormhole.

“You think she was coerced?” asked Kira, watching Jadzia’s expression carefully.

Jadzia looked past Kira’s shoulder and said slowly, “I think…well, maybe. That’s one way to put it...” She trailed off.

“Jadzia,” Kira snapped. She leaned forward and their knees brushed briefly. “Just say what you’re thinking.”

Jadzia’s eyes met hers and she said in a steadier voice

“Choices within the doctrine of an uncaged will must meet a threshold of circumstantial liberty. For instance, if, within the circumstances of two choices where one of those choices is death, then no real choice can be said to actually exist.”

Kira blinked. Jadzia blinked back.

“Sorry,” Jadzia said, slumping a little. “Lela…she was a lawyer, you remember?”

This wasn’t news to Kira who was at this point always anticipating at least one moment a day where Jadzia’s personality seemed to morph or to add-together briefly into something just slightly off-center. She had such a serene presence most of the time that most people just dismissed this as being a quirk of Jadzia, fun-loving and curious and impulsive Jadzia. But Kira knew where the boundaries were. She could tell when the creatures Jadzia carried around and cared for within her body were given a small hold on the reins—normally she could, that is. In this moment, something was blurred.

“So you’re saying,” said Kira, tipping her head, studying Jadzia’s closed-off face, “That Dukat threatened to kill my mother and that’s why she stayed with him?”

“No, not…” Jadzia pinched the fabric of her pants, frowning. “Well, yes. No.”

Kira just stared at her and waited.

“Nerys,” said Jadzia, leaning back on her hands, slumping further into herself even as her voice solidified. “What was the life expectancy of workers in the processing center here? Back then?”

“Um,” said Kira, confused. “Why?”

“What was it?”

“Not long, I suppose,” said Kira. “The Cardassians didn’t exactly encourage a healthy work environment. No such thing as weekends. Or healthcare.”

“Right, and what about the labor camps on planet?”

“Same situation. Probably worse. Why?”

“And what was the typical reaction from Cardassians when a Bajoran resisted?”

“Oh they loved it. They gave us medals and cake.”

Jadzia narrowed her eyes. Kira rolled her eyes. “You know it was violence, Jadzia.”

“So, given all that.” Jadzia waved a hand. “What were your mother’s choices?”

Kira looked down at her hands, which were clenched.

“I know what you’re trying to say,” said Kira. “But I was there, too. I had the same choices. I don’t hate her, you know?” she caught Jadzia’s wide eyes, almost desperately. “I don’t hate her. I just wish…”

“She’d been more like you?” asked Jadzia softly. “Been as brave as you?”

Kira’s eyes filled for the millionth time that evening, and she dropped her face into her palms. Jadzia still didn’t touch her, for which she was almost insanely grateful.

“Do you wish she’d had to suffer like you did? Be as strong as you’ve had to be?”

“Jadzia,” choked Kira. “I really can’t. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Jadzia was quiet, her breaths deep and centering, while Kira wrapped her grief up with a barbed iron cord. Then she spoke again, softer and with less conviction, like she started all her meandering stories.

“You know,” she said. “It took a while for us to recognize the symbionts as conscious creatures.” Kira glanced up at her. Her face was turned up to the window, awash in starlight. She really did love her. “There was a super-volcano eruption a couple million years ago and our biological ancestors had to retreat underground or else be suffocated in the ash and the poisonous atmosphere. And the cold. It was warm underground. And while there wasn’t any sunlight, it was safer. They subsisted for awhile by hunting the creatures who were still able to venture above the surface—fishing in the cavern rivers—eating the roots that dipped low enough for us to scavenge. But they were growing weaker and weaker. Their skin was turning paler and paler.”

She smiled—a real one, this time, hiding nothing.

“And then they met the symbionts. These little grubs swimming around in the extensive underground river systems. The symbionts collected nutrients and radiation all from sources under the surface of the earth. The proto-Trill followed them and studied them. They learned from them. They learned to survive. And some of them learned to speak to them—briefly. The Trill skin had grown so thin and almost transparent that the symbionts could communicate just through touch. They would return the Trill’s thoughts back to them—they would remind them where to go for food at certain times of the year—they would remind them of how to cook it—they would remind them of their lives…”

Kira found herself relaxing from inside out, listening to Jadzia speak. Something of the horror of her day (of her history) faded into a small white noise.

“For thousands of years, the Trill used the symbionts as record-keepers, as pets, as tools. Ancient lords would wear the symbionts around their necks, refreshing them with fluids only once a day. And only the lords were allowed to touch one, to keep one, but symbionts so outnumbered Trill at that time that Lords ended up having many—keeping them locked away from each other and companion touch until the day they would be used. And this was the status quo. Until one day, a Trill lord went too far—and ate a symbiont.”

One of Jadzia’s hands slid over her stomach, over the small lump that was always there, always moving and twisting and living with her. Kira watched her long fingers trace over Dax’s outline.

“And,” Jadzia continued, “As I’ve heard, as it’s been passed down from generation to generation, every symbiont in the world that day went quiet. And then they sent lightning—super-charges originating from their neural-structures—raining down upon the caves and on their hosts. They killed every lord who happened to be in contact with a symbiont at the time. But in the process they nearly wiped themselves out.”

Jadzia sat back up, her other hand going to her stomach, her gaze dropping from the stars to her middle. Her face went slightly shaky, as if she was remembering something not even she was old enough to remember.

“I don’t understand,” said Kira, thickly. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“Lela wrote a paper about Trill legal history in law school,” said Jadzia, smiling sadly up at her. Her eyes were wet and Kira ached but she also couldn’t bear the idea of reaching out. “All Trill law comes down to this one moment in history. Nothing has been written since that isn’t based on this.”

“On the symbionts almost going extinct?”

“On the fact that the symbionts felt they had no way out.”

Kira looked at her, breathed, and then threw herself to her feet. She tried to stomp away, then turned back, then turned around again, saw Jadzia’s watching and infuriating face, turned away again, all while Jadzia just continued to sit on the floor in silence. Kira got halfway down the hall, abruptly turned on her heel, marched back and then lent against the window, pointed her finger down at Jadzia’s upturned nose, and said, “Are you ever going to explain what you mean?”

Jadzia just looked up her.

“I know you’re not the ‘type’ to have convictions,” said Kira, feeling herself get nasty. “But you could at least explain your weird academic nonsense before I go insane.”

“‘Liberty finds no refuge in a jurisprudence of doubt,’” said Jadzia, clearly quoting something.

“What does that mean.”

“It’s a decision that Trills made a long time ago. We decided that symbionts had personhood. That their bodies were to be cherished and respected as any Trill. And to demonstrate that, we would no longer wear symbionts as accessories to power. We would take them unto ourselves and keep them like the caves of their home did—until we died.”

Jadzia rose to her feet and stepped just a little closer to Kira.

“We decided that--because bodies are sacred,” she said. “We decided that because choosing to share your body is sacred. And can never, ever be abused. Lela remembers one early legal scholar at the time when joinings were becoming the standard wrote: ‘At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of conscious life.’ Anything that might impugn that…” Jadzia’s eyes drifted down to her symbiont again. “Well that’s fundamentally wrong.”

Kira tilted her head back against the window and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

“I know you would have chosen death, Nerys,” said Jadzia, and Kira could tell she was truly crying now, that if she looked at her dear face she would see the evidence of her hurt—all of if for Kira—like she deserved it. “I know you have chosen death over and over, as the only option you thought you could bear. I know that even if it breaks my heart a thousand times over to think of it.”

“I’m not your damn worm, Dax,” said Kira, her throat strained thought she had barely spoken.

“You’re not your mother, either. You’d rather die than be abused. Than be occupied or attacked or owned.”

Kira closed her eyes hard, feeling sick.

“Except for all the times that you didn’t,” said Jadzia. “You took on months of mid-to-late term pregnancy for a friend. You handed over you body pretty quickly for that, even with the enormous physical toll not just of pregnancy but of an alien living inside you for months. An alien that ultimately was not yours to hold.”

She pressed a hand to her heart. "You took on part of me, when I wanted to meet Lela, do you remember? You let her--me--live in your body, even if for only a moment."

Shaking her head, Kira whispered, “Stop.”

“You gave your body to another alien,” continued Jadzia. “To your gods—which would have destroyed you had Kai Winn not saved your life.”

And suddenly the thing blurring in Jadzia—in her tone, in her presentation, normally so easy to read for Kira—become clear. Jadzia was angry with her.

She looked at her, at the lines of her smile still trying to hide, and she said, breathlessly, “I thought you understood why I did that.”

“I do understand.”

Kira shook her head again, narrowing her gaze, fixing it on the corners of Jadzia’s eyes, which were pinched in a way they typically weren’t.

“You’re…disappointed in me.”

Jadzia held out for one more second before ugly honesty reared. She took a step back and crossed her own arms.

“You just handed off your body and life like it was nothing,” said Jadzia, simply. “You didn’t even say goodbye. And then Odo said you would’ve wanted it. Odo said that to me, as if I'm not intimately familiar with all the things that you think you want because of what you believe.”

“Yes, well, I would’ve wanted it,” said Kira, feeling off-kilter. “I did. I'm not pretending."

"That doesn't mean you felt like you had a choice."

"As if you wouldn't have done the same," responded Kira, bitterly. "As if I haven't watched you walk willingly to your own death to save everyone else from it.”

Jadzia ignored this. “The wormhole alien called you a vessel," she said, her whole body twisting as she said the word, a curse.

“You call yourself a vessel all the time! You and your symbiont! Like the woman I love is just a home for a worm--like the caves you were just talking about."

“So what precisely do you think the right answer is?” shouted Jadzia, eyes flaming up. "What are you trying to say?"

Jadzia was so rarely angry and even more rarely loud in her anger. She kept her deepest convictions close to her chest and she kept her honest righteousness shielded behind a distant intelligence and friendly demeanor. But for all that she performed the curious and impulsive scientist, just there to stare at comets and have a fun time, Jadzia understood commitment in a way Kira had seen in very few people before. Beneath her jokes was a sort of iron jaw that had her stepping to Klingons or captaining ships into battle. For some reason, she appeared to be clenching that jaw now.

“I’m not looking for a right answer,” said Kira.

“Yes, you are,” said Jadzia, unhesitating, somewhat merciless. “You told Winn there was a right answer when all she did was save yours and Jake’s lives.”

“I stand by that! We don’t know what will happen with the evil one out there now! We don’t know and it wasn’t her choice.”

“There is no choice when the other option is death!”

“So you think I’ll be happier believing my mother was just doing what she had to to save her life?” Kira’s hands were in her hair, tugging desperately. “That it’ll make me feel better to think she didn’t actually care for Dukat at all? That she was just violated over and over and—” Kira cut off on half a sob, which she swallowed.

There was quiet.

“No, Nerys,” said Jadzia, the fire gone from her voice. She stepped closer again. “I don’t think anything will make you feel better. I’ve expressed this all wrong. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She held out a hand which Kira grabbed onto so quickly she nearly tripped in the effort. Jadzia pulled her slowly and gently closer until Kira could tuck herself under her long, spotted neck. Arms wrapped lightly around Kira’s shoulders and back, light until Kira squeezed Jadzia’s waist hard and Jadzia returned the pressure.

“The only thing I meant to say, before this all got away from me,” said Jadzia into Kira’s hair. “Was that I think your mother was brave. I think it's okay to think she's brave.”

Kira sobbed once, then twice, into Jadzia’s uniform collar. Then she held her breath until the sobs dissolved in her chest. She tightened her grip on her. Between them, she could feel the Dax symbiont moving on her stomach.

“I think you’re brave, Jadzia,” she said, stuffy nosed and devastated and ridiculous and sad.

“Most people call it reckless,” laughed Jadzia in a whisper.

“You’re as sturdy as a rock,” said Kira. She smiled, just slightly, as she felt Jadzia press a kiss to her forehead, just under her hairline.

“Such flattery,” said Jadzia, obviously grinning, obviously trying to hide how actually flattered she was.

“Just don’t move,” said Kira, pressing her face closer against Jadzia’s shoulder.

Beneath her feet, she could feel the faint tremors of the Station twisting around her space, the many people moving around in its halls and rooms, and she thought of how fragile the whole of it all was, the Station and its parts, floating in such a cold place as the vacuum, yet also how such a body had held so much already, including her mother, including herself and Jadzia, standing together, in each others’ arms.

“I’m here,” said Jadzia. “Not planning on going anywhere.”

#kiradax #my fic #star trek #ds9 #kira nerys #jadzia dax

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drmaddict · 2 years ago

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Mood Ring

Summery: Eddie and reader share a quiet moment on the trailer roof. (bestfriend with a crush, may miss it if you blink)

Trigger warnings: light use of drugs

Eddie looked up at the starry night sky.

Every day he wondered anew if he might have turned out all right if he had had other parents. Parents who would have actually cared for him and not disappeared from his life at such an early age.

He blew the smoke of his cigarette into the cold autumn air and let his mind wander as he often did.

What would have become of him if his father had had an office job, or been a doctor? His mother a teacher, or kindergarten teacher? Boring people, just living their boring lives in a small town, in a small house with a white picket fence? Would he still be himself? Would he appreciate it? Would doctor-kid-Eddie know what he had, or would he just artificially complain about the bad, bad world like most teenagers?

He did not know. He was not the son of a doctor or a teacher. He was the son of a drug dealer and a woman who was afraid to leave the house. He had moved in with his uncle. The uncle who scraped together his little money to feed him.

And yet, this man had been the one to teach him how to ride a bike because his parents had never done it. His uncle was the man who had taught him how to shave. He was the man who had given him a home when the world had not wanted him. To his uncle he owed everything he had.

How selfish was he to wish for anything else? To want more, when in most of the parallel worlds of his life he would not even have what he had now. How ungrateful was he to still be on his back?

He should have just quit after the first screwed-up graduation and gotten a job. He could make money, but his uncle had objected. He shouldn't waste his talent. He would be intelligent. Eddie didn't notice much of that. He stumbled from one test to another. He was bad. Really bad. He didn't have to kid himself. He knew it wouldn't get him into college. And for what, anyway?

History. Sang the little voice in his head. He shook off the thought. What was there to do with it? Become a teacher or a professor? He and teacher? He grinned. Probably not. But otherwise, all that was left was to be a cab driver and continue to sell drugs. He sat up with a sigh.

A light shone intrusively at him from the side before it dissipated in a flash. Once more.

He turned to the left and looked from the roof of the trailer, where (Y/N) was standing with a flashlight and waving at him.

She had gotten into the habit of calling attention to herself that way because she didn't want to be too loud. In genrell she was one of the quietest people he knew. He pointed his head in front of him where the ladder was still leaning against the wall of the house.

(Y/N) wordlessly climbed onto the trailer roof and dropped down next to him. Without saying anything, he held out his lighter for her to light her joint. She plopped down on her back and stared up at the sky. Eddie did the same.

"Head-chaos?" asked Eddie into the silence.

(Y/N) blew the thick smoke into the air. "It's like a damn train that just won't stop," she muttered, taking another big drag.

Eddie turned his head toward her. "What was it this time?"

She shrugged. "I was going to do math. Then I wondered why we have to studying something like that in the first place. Then I thought about Mr. Miller. Then of my teacher in elementary school. Then of a comment from a girl I went to elementary school with. Then of her now living at some fancy boarding school. Then about me being here. Then I thought about my relationships with other people and came to the conclusion that none of my friends actually ever really liked me." She continued to stare at the sky. "Now I'm thinking that I should work out more and watch what I eat so that maybe someday I'll be attractive to someone." Her eyes flicked to him.

"Hobbit.", he sighed. "We all like you."

She dropped her head to him. "Why?"

"Just like that. For no reason. Because you're you."

She shook her head and looked back up at the sky. "I don't even know how I feel." She was silent for a moment, thinking. "What if I'm a psychopath and I don't have any feelings at all? How do you know you have feelings?"

Eddie chuckled. "You had tears in your eyes when ET said goodbye to go home. I think we can be sure you have feelings."

"Well now I don't know what I feel," she mumbled, pouting.

He looked at her for a moment until he pulled the ring off his left middle finger. He reached for her cold hand and placed the ring on her index finger before pressing the two metal arches of the size-adjustable jewelry closer together.

She looked at him in irritation. "What are you doing?"

"It's a mood ring." He shrugged and smiled at her. "If you don't know what you're feeling, all you have to do is look at the ring."

She looked at the now black stone. "And what does it say?", he asked.

"Probably that my hands are cold," she murmured.

He smirked. "You have no sense of magic."

She boxed him, but smirked, too. She tried to pull the ring off her finger, but he stopped her. "Keep it. You can use all the magic you can get."

She boxed him again without emphasis before lying back down next to him.

They both looked out into the nothingness of the universe. "We had mathhomework?", he asked.

She laughed.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson x you #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fluff

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prismaticpichu · 2 years ago

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Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Thank you so much @altocat for including me!!! Plz plz go drop your dinner and check out her blog! There is SO much effort and heart poured into everything she writes—stories or asks. They’re really gems!

Now, let’s see how these questions fare against my stunningly metaphysical intellect *plops laptop in water to see if it floats*

Three (Friend)Ships

Soooo I actually don’t dabble with romance *dives behind a couch.* It’s never been my jam. My jelly tho? That would be the interactions between characters and exploring how deep their bonds go! The words “best friend” send me to another world <3

1 ~ Zack Fair & Sephiroth (FF7) If you know me, even just the most microscopic tad, then you prolly know these two have organized the Louisiana Purchase on my heart. They are BEANS! I love them SO MUCH!!!! Adorable polarity aside, I’m just absolutely infatuated with the story these two share. I will always imagine their mutual tie to Angeal being what draws them together, able to empathize with each other’s grief in a way nobody else can. They need each other: Zack needs someone to look after him, protecting his enthusiasm, and Seph needs someone to mend his trust… and make him smile <3 <3 They become inseparable, all that bitterness Banora and Modeoheim stirred faded into nothingness. Come Nibelheim, and those books and mumsy have nothing on these two. Sephiroth already has too much to cherish to throw it all away <3 Poor mumsy. Can’t brainwash someone who’s gotta pupper who loves him more than you :3c

2 ~ Hiccup & Toothless (HTTYD) There is NO animal-human friendship that beats this one. Nope, nope! Sorry! Vetoing that thought (pssst your opinions are wonderful and valid). I think what makes these two SO powerful to me is that Toothless is never treated as a pet; he is Hiccup’s bestest friend and they are equals. They love each other to death and would do anything to protect the other <3 Seeing their bond evolve and the parallels unfolding between them is magical. I don’t think there will ever be a scene that tops Hiccup and Toothless walking towards the door, Toothless with his prosthetic tail and Hiccup mirroring that with his leg. It is godly <3 (I’m also always using these two as springboards for my writing. Small details like Zack always referring to Seph as “bud” are plucked right from here!)

3 ~ Mikey & Leatherhead (TMNT) Their friendship begins with Mikey spoon-feeding soup to the adorable, scaly bean, who’s plopped right on his bottom. The frequency of the SQUEAL I made. This is just one of the healthiest, most wholesome friendships to ever exist and I will love them forever!!! Mikey has unwavering trust in him from the moment they meet, helps him gain control of his rage, and offers his teddy bear for emotional support <3 Nothing but not judging a book by its cover and earning a true blue buddy as a result.

First (friend)ship: Hmmm… ig any two smash bros characters I visualized having a movie night lmao! l got my hands on a controller when I was 4. The first character dynamic I fell in love with tho was prolly Ash & Pikachu!

Last song: Hailee Steinfeld/DNCE, Rock Bottom

Last movie: Malignant & Ferdinand (watched back to back for some genius reason. The shift in tone was like being slapped with a trout)

Currently reading: The Catcher in the Rye

Currently watching: Inside Job (I’m verrry slow and hardy watch anything shdhdh. I suck)

Currently consuming: Nada! Already brushed my teeth and that’s my personal moral

Currently craving: Anything because I brushed my teeth and I’m hungry. Maybe like a mozzarella stick or something

Passing along to @zimithrus1 @polaris-talks-fandom @aerislei! I knowwww that’s not 9- I passed kindergarten by a hair- but most of my mutuals have already done this lmao! For those who did fall into my lasso, no pressure at all, and plz only hop in if you’re comfortable! I know how annoying tags can be if you’re not into them.

Plz tho, if you see this and want to join in, you are welcomed to with open arms! Share your wonderful, weird and beautiful tastes with the world!

#thingy #tags #the ship of friendship #sephiroth #zack fair #toothless #hiccup #leatherhead #mikey tmnt #my beans

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cheeseandstrawberrytartlover · 2 years ago

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A cure

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Ben was in an empty, dark room. They tried to walk forward but the black on the floor was starting to grab at him. As if they wanted them to stay. The further he walked, the worse it got. They couldn't cry out for help. They could do nothing except feel themselves sinking and eventually drowning.

Suddenly they could hear a familiar voice, "Beeen."

Ben opened his eyes to find the Daedric Prince of Madness right before their eyes and they startled.

"Oops! Good- well, you slept through the entire day. Good Evening!"

The little champion searched for the window right by the bed and looked outside. Lo and behold it was dusk.

Sheogorath chuckled at Ben's confused face.

"This is what happens when you do not rest enough. I will see you in the throne room in..."

He tilted his head to look out of the window and pondered, "Let us say... five minutes."

Sheogorath smiled and quickly exited the room.

Ben looked on in horror. They slept through an entire day? Why did nobody tell them? They jumped out of bed and fixed their clothing. They put their hair in a bun and ran after Sheogorath who was already gone. Ben looked from side to side, trying to regain their sense of direction and ran in the direction of the throne room.

This time they didn't arrive late and found a circle of chairs with most being already used. Ben moved towards an empty chair and Thadon happily waved at them.

They quickly plopped down on the chair and tried to keep the back straight. Parallel to them, Sheogorath was sitting on a much more fancy chair with his staff in his hands.

The throne room doors sprung open and Syl joined the circle, "Apologies, my Lord."

Sheogorath smiled, "Ah! Do not worry."

Syl was surprised that Ben was sitting right next to her and she crossed her arms.

Ben was just very confused and Sheogorath immediately picked up on that confusion.

"Ah! Of course. Would anyone like to explain why we are here?"

Another bosmer woman raised her hand.

"Yes, Cutter, my dear?"

Cutter was an odd name for a person. She smiled, "Well, we are here to discuss our issues! Things that we might want to talk about and everyone else tries to help you solve those issues! I am happy to be here today! I would be happier stabbing my enemies and watch them bleed out, but-"

Sheogorath raised his hand, "That's enough, Cutter."

Cutter looked down. Ben was looking around the circle.

"Ben, you have been invited by me to join us today. We help ourselves and each other here. If you are too nervous or... anything else, you are allowed to leave. Would you please introduce yourself?"

Ben fidgeted with their hands and just noticed Haskill next to them. They started to sign and Haskill started to translate.

"My name is Ben. I am nineteen years of age and I was born in Kvatch, Cyrodiil."

Sheogorath nodded, "Go on."

Ben didn't have anything else to talk about.

"What do you struggle with?"

Cutter tilted her head, "Violent thoughts?"

Syl sighed, "Paranoia?"

Thadon interrupted, "Manic episodes?"

Ben hesitated and then continued signing.

Haskill got back to translating, "I struggle with violent thoughts, constant exhaustion and thoughts of..."

Ben stopped and Haskill gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"I think I would be better off dead."

An imperial man in the circle nodded. Sheogorath smiled, "Thank you for opening up."

Sheogorath clapped once and everyone startled.

"Todays subject is habits! Habits are actions that you keep on repeating without even knowing it! There are good and bad habits. Name a few that come to mind."

The imperial man uncertainly raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"When I get nervous, I start biting my nails."

"Does anyone have an idea for solving nail biting?"

Thadon raised his hand.

"Yes, Thadon?"

"Maybe chew on something else? Like dried meat?"

The imperial nodded slowly, "I haven't tried that yet..."

Sheogorath looked to Cutter.

"Cutter?"

"I... do not want to share it. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable."

"That's fine. We can talk about it later, okay?"

Cutter nodded.

Sheogorath's gaze wandered over to Ben and they were already dreading his question.

"Ben?"

Ben shrugged and shook their head while fidgeting with his hands.

"Well, I have an answer for you. You often fidget with your hands which isn't necessarily bad, but it can make other folks as nervous as you."

Ben looked down at their hands and looked a little bit surprised.

"And that's the danger of a habit! You had no idea! But- don't stop. It helps you. That is something I will probably elaborate on it further... but later. Not right now. Thadon!"

Thadon sat there nervously, "I uhm- I don't quite have a habit."

"A positive one, then?"

"I often paint when I am happy."

Sheogorath smiled and nodded.

Syl didn't even have to be asked, "I stay longer in my room then I have to be. I need to be motivated to leave."

Sheogorath inhaled sharply, "Try to stay out of your room, except when you need to, alright?"

Syl nodded.

Sheogorath sighed, "Very well! Does somebody need help with a certain situation they have experienced recently?"

The imperial man started talking but Ben was no longer listening.

A few minutes might have passed. Maybe a lot of minutes, maybe an hour. Ben was ripped out of their thoughts by a slight pain in their belly.

"All right, everyone! We'll see each other next thurdas!"

Everyone stood up except Ben and bowed, "Thank you, Lord Sheogorath."

Cutter approached Sheogorath and they started talking. Suddenly Thadon got closer to Ben and shook their hand.

"Ahh yes, THERE you are! You couldn't imagine how long I've been waiting for you. So little to do, and so much time. Hmm, could you, in fact, imagine just how long I've been waiting? I don't think you could, but I might be wrong. I might also not care. Which is it?"

Ben tilted their head.

"Haven't I? Hmm, perhaps not. It felt like rather a long time, but then long times get longer when you're standing around thinking about them. A curious thing, that. Long roads get longer too, if you're thinking about them, but what about long words? They don't change nearly as much. Long, short -- it all ends up the same. Dust and tears. Usually tears first, then the dust. Dust can't cry, you see. That would be... well, amusing. You know what's NOT amusing? I don't have my Chalice of Reversal. It makes me sad. When I get sad, I don't care to do much of anything. I certainly don't care to help people who show up on my doorstep wanting something. Are we getting the picture here?"

Ben tilted his head in the other direction and simply signed "Chalice?"

"You haven't heard of it, yet you know its name? What a strange creature you are. One of my favorite toys. Does wonders for creativity. Well, not by itself, but it helps. Those Elytra, clever little bugs that they are. Is this making sense? Look, you eat the Felldew, then use the Chalice, and find the world a much brighter and happier place. Honest. But I don't have it. So I can't eat Felldew, because that would just be bad. I mean, really bad. Damn her! Are we done? We are done."

That's when Thadon left and Ben walked after Syl into the house of Dementia, to introduce themself.

Syl turned around in disgust, "Why do you approach the Duchess of Dementia? Do you seek death?"

Ben was taken aback, but proceeded that Sheogorath had sent them.

"You're the one the Madgod sent, aren't you? Then you're safe for now. Speak to no one unless I instruct you to. None of them can be trusted. Do you hear me? None! Surrounded by traitors and spies, I am. Always, always. They watch and wait, eager to slip a knife into my spine when I'm not looking."

Ben asked who was spying on her.

"Could be all of them. Every last one. None can be trusted. But they'll never take me down. Never! I'll see them all rotting in shallow graves before I let my guard down! You... you will help me. Yes, yes. You will be most useful."

They nodded.

"You're going to find out who knows. You're going to learn who keeps secrets, who conspires against me. You will be my Grand Inquisitor. Expose the conspirators, and they will be punished, I assure you. Find out who keeps secrets, and what they are. Speak with Herdir. He will help you. Do you understand what is required of you? If no one is found, you will be held responsible."

After that Syl left as well. What was it with nobles always leaving after they are done talking?

Ben turned around to go back into the throne room and Sheogorath was waiting for them.

"There you are again! Listen, I forgot to give you something yesterday. Come here."

Ben quickly walked over to him only to be grabbed by their face again.

"I will show you a spell - the ability to summon Haskill, my Chamberlain, to aid you in your travels. He knows a lot. More than he knows. In fact, give it a try. Haskill! Walk over there!"

Haskill sighed and jogged to the other side of the throne room. Sheogorath showed Ben the spell and in preparation, Ben inhaled sharply before summoning Haskill.

"Ah...our Lord has granted you the power to summon me. How wonderful for me."

Sheogorath laughed, being delighted at seeing someone else summon Haskill, "Do it again! Do it again!"

Ben walked backwards and summoned Haskill again. To Haskill's dismay, "Ah, summoned again. My lord does so enjoy that, as is His prerogative. I'll assume you're done for now."

Ben nodded and put the spell away. Haskill sighed in gratefulness and walked back to his post.

Sheogorath chuckled and gave Haskill a little pat on the back, "Okay! Okay. Go ahead and do the tasks that my little darlings have given to you! Off you go!!"

Ben would start off with Thadon and moved towards the house of mania.

#oc: ben (hok)#hero of kvatch #hok #sheogorath #haskill #syl #thadon #shivering isles #elder scrolls #the elder scrolls #fanfiction

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kokororyuu · 4 years ago

Text

miles apart [levi ackerman x reader]

synopsis: “you’re going to die,” “i know,” “you’re dying,” “i know, levi, i��m sorry,”

warnings ⚠️: major character death(s), SPOILERS up to season three, slight suggestive themes (its brief!!), brief description of gore

word count: 3.8k

author’s note: no, because,,, this was my first levi fanfic, and i’m immensely proud of it ‼️ if we ignore the “suggestive” part 😩😩 anyway, have fun reading, lovebugs <33

PART TWO: once more

whatever just happened, had happened too fast, and now both you and levi were laying side by side, miles apart from everyone else and the chaos that caused this whole mess in the first place.

you’re both injured bad from the war, and the stench of blood, both humans and titans alike, lays thick in the air. you find yourself nearly suffocating in it as you cough up what seems to be more blood, it’s metallic taste coating your lips and tongue in red.

you can barely feel your arms and legs, and you’re pretty sure they’re either broken or torn off from the fight. you pull your heavy lids open and stare blearily at the night sky, how many hours had passed since you two had been laying here like this?

you turn your head slowly, hearing the multiple cracks your joints made in the effort as your eyes trailed to levi’s face. he’s still in the same position, facing the sky with empty, soulless eyes. you reckon he was pondering something, how long were we gonna stay here? when will someone arrive to help us?

“levi?” you croak out, and he lets out a little rumble of acknowledgement. “are you okay?” what a stupid question... with how levi is, he definitely isn’t, but he was sure to make it seem like he was. he nods to the best of his ability, though he isn’t faring much better than you. gashes that gush with blood cut across his body in what seems to be parallel and equal in length, claws, of some sort, you assume. “good,” you whisper so softly that he almost doesn’t catch the murmured word.

your life seems to be flashing before your eyes quite slowly for the amount of time you’ve spent here bleeding out beside the man.

you recall the first time you caught him off guard.

it was a complete accident. as a member of levi’s squadron, you worked under him as a subordinate and did as he said, after all, he had chosen you to be on his team, and you put as much trust in him as he did in you.

you were bringing him some tea after you had dropped off a huge stack of paperwork in his office. you knew he needed it, after all, it had only been a few days after your most recent expedition and paperwork was a bore if you ever knew one.

a simple teapot and cup of black tea rested on the tray in your hands as you made your way from the kitchen to his office, acknowledging a few cadets that would respectfully greet you before going on their way. when you had finally made it to his door, you knocked gently before waiting for his usual question of your name and reason for entering.

a few seconds, maybe minutes passed, and you were beginning to think he wasn’t even there, but you hadn’t want the tea to go to waste, so you hesitantly pushed the door open with your foot, entering the sparkling clean room with tray in hand.

“captain levi?” you nearly bit your tongue (oluo would have laughed in your face if you did before biting down on his own) and froze with your head peeking inside the room at the sight of the man leaning his head against the back of his chair, his eyes closed and his usual frown wiped off his face.

it had you in a wonder, surprised that even humanity’s strongest (and grouchiest) soldier could have a face as calm as the one on his as he slept. you stepped as quietly as you could toward his desk, setting the tea down with care before you nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand wrapped around your wrist.

your eyes traveled up the scarred and rough hand, up the toned arm, and looked straight into narrowed grey eyes. “what are you doing here?”

“got you tea, captain,” your nerves were calm now, and you spoke with a grin, “thought you would need it with all the paperwork commander tosses at you,”

levi’s hand lingered on your wrist a little longer before he pulled away and carried the steaming cup to his lips in his strange cup hold that you’ve tried to mimic yet still can’t get right. he drank a little, his face ever so stoic. “tastes like shit, brat,” he said, though he made no move to drop the cup back into the tray and continued to sip away at the red orange liquid.

“thought you’d say that,” you turned to leave after saluting him, your hand wrapping around the doorknob before a mischievous impulse lit in you once more, “you know, captain,” he didn’t even glance up from the papers on his desk. “you look cute when you’re sleeping,” his gaze snapped up at that, and he was about to chew you out for making the comment, but to his dismay, you were already gone, having gotten the amusing response from him that you wanted.

there were many times after that where you’d make a little comment here and there, only to get an icy glare and a click of the tongue from levi, which wasn’t a problem to you at all, if anything, you found it the best part. the way he’d scowl at you and turn away, only to let you get away with it the very next day. it was like a little game the two of you would play, and you were winning if eye rolls, embarrassed blushes hidden behind callused hands, and, “tch,”’s counted as prizes.

you would’ve never thought he’d bite back, especially this far into the game.

“captain levi~!” you drew out his name with a little hop in your step. he didn’t stop walking, if anything, his pace sped up as he tried to leave you in the hallway. “captain!” you groaned childishly and ran after him. he turned the corner and into his office, leaving the door ajar. you grinned, it seemed he knew well enough you wouldn’t stop for a closed door. you opened it as soon as your hand touched the cool wood, and sang out, “levi~” you saw him standing by his desk and looking down at the papers that littered it. “i’ve got another joke for you—”

“—if you keep this up, i might actually get angry,” you halted in your tracks and clamped your mouth shut, angry? oh no, you weren’t trying to make him angry, only annoy him if anything. you knew, everyone knew to not get on levi’s bad side, and after seeing the man kick the titan shifter boy from the 104th cadets merciless, it’d be terribly stupid of you to try and anger him.

he dragged his fingertips across the tabletop and looked up through hooded eyes, “might even punish you,” you were stuck in a stupor at his words and how they obviously had implications for something else.

“but i guess you’d like that, hm? i wouldn’t want give you that satisfaction,” he seemed pleased with the way your cheeks flamed up and your jaw stayed dropped in shock. after he grabbed whatever he needed from his desk, he walked by you with a sly quirk of his lips, dragging a hand up to close your agape mouth. “close the door after you leave,” he called out before he disappeared out the door and down the hall.

from there on, your relationship had changed drastically. this game now had two players, and that new addition was the original target of the game himself. the teasing and playful jokes continued on for days, weeks, and you were having so much fun that you barely realized how much some people were noticing, including a certain bespectacled one.

“hey, hange!” you plopped next to them as you watched them fiddle with a little gadget. “what’s this?” you eyed curiously as hange laughed.

“my new creation! i’m trying to make something erwin asked for to help with his arm. you nodded, understanding immediately. the commander had lost his arm when the scouts went to save eren from a kidnapping. there was a few moments of silence before hange asked, “so… you and levi?”

you opened your mouth to retort but they beat you to it, “don’t deny it! even eren can tell, and he’s as dense as a rock!” you cowered from their accusing finger before huffing out a sigh.

“you know it doesn’t work like that, hange,” the mood dampened with your honest but hurtful words. you were right, it didn’t. with a world of titans and destruction, war like this, there would never be a second of peace, of life, of freedom. you could be alive and happy one day and then die and suddenly gone forever the next. and with levi being an ackerman, he was bound to survive longer than you, you just didn’t want to cause him more unnecessary pain.

hange hummed under their breath, “you’re right, but if it were me, i’d rather die knowing i had the chance and took it, than die letting it slip between my fingers,” they continued to tinker with the gadget as you pondered quietly on their words. they were right, but so were you, and now it was just up to the risk both sides were willing to take. what would happen if you ever confessed these buried feelings of yours to your terribly stoic captain?

in the end, you never said anything, at all. the two of you stayed at this sort of flirting and joking around type state. it was comfortable, you concluded, though you had to be honest, there were a few close calls where you felt you blushed too much, said too much, or gasped a little too loud when his touch lingered on you for too long.

you hadn’t said a word about your feelings for the man, and neither did he.

levi didn’t know when his heart had decided to let you in.

it was probably after erwin had passed away on a roof of a building with a gaping hole in his side that colored his cape and the white bandages around his abdomen red.

he brought his body back for a proper burial, but even then, levi couldn’t cry, nor let a single tear slip down his cheek. for a few weeks, even if he seemed put together, there was a heavy feeling that resided in his chest. no matter if he tried to sleep it away or drown himself in paperwork, it never left him.

it had been a rough night. there were complications with the imports from a faraway town in sina, and while hange was busy with things as the newly appointed commander, levi had to deal with the papers that came with the conflict.

he didn’t know how long he had been sitting before the fireplace in the mess hall, scratching away at the parchment under the warmth of the flickering fire that casted a warm orange hue around the room.

he clicked his tongue as another wave of aches hit his head before rubbing at his temples. erwin would’ve been better at handling this shit… his brow furrowed at his thoughts, you know better than that, there’s no bringing him back, you made the choice, levi.

levi didn’t regret his choice, but he had guessed the heavy presence of death had just stuck with him a little tighter this time around. it was fine, it would pass, at least, that was what he told himself.

during his turmoil, you had entered the mess hall as quietly as you could, “captain levi?” he looked up from the papers and pulled his hand away from his face with a quirked brow. “i brought you tea,” you spoke softly as to not agitate him any further. “i hope it tastes better than last time, i practiced,” you sent him a lopsided smile that you hoped would ease his frown, but instead, it brought the opposite.

the lines on his face became deeper as he scowled, “i don’t have time right now,” and the grumble of your name right after sounded harsh on both yours and even his ears. it was now your turn to pout. you definitely weren’t trying to mess around with him right now, not with all the stress and the recent death of one of his closest friends.

you sat there across from him at the table in silence for a few moments as he penned the paper. what could make him feel better? you thought quietly to yourself, your eyes raking over levi in search of something, any indicator to help him. a sudden idea popped in your head as you stood, making your way to stand behind him as you watched his eyes never leave the documents. “what are you doing?”

you reached over and plucked the pen from his hand, placing it down on the table and ignoring his glare, “just relax, levi, i’m gonna try and sort out these tense ass muscles of yours,” as soon as the words popped out of your mouth, your hands began to press into his shoulders, eliciting a little sound of surprise from levi. he almost immediately tensed back up at the foreign feeling but relaxed to the best of his abilities after a few pointed words from you.

“i’m not just here to get you tea, you know?” you worked out a knot in his neck, watching as his head lolled to the side to give you more room to work. “i had the same training as you, and i know how to handle paperwork, you could always ask if you need the help,” he hummed at your offer, and you only chuckled before getting back to his tense muscles.

levi let himself relax, more so than he probably ever had. your hands made their way up the base of his neck, and he let out a little sigh. he didn’t think this would feel this good, and he was considering what he could do to pay you back before realizing. what was the need to? you were doing the work of a subordinate for a superior, there was no need for him to treat you to anything.

but there was something that made levi realize that it wasn’t true, no matter how much every fiber in his body wanted to reject the idea. you were different, in your own weird way, and he couldn’t place his finger on it yet, but he decided he’d find out along the way.

“alright, you can work with me starting tomorrow, meet me here after dinner. if you’re late, i’m not letting you help again,” you smiled victoriously and pat his shoulders to signify you were done massaging them.

“alright then! see you tomorrow, captain,” you saluted him and shuffled out of the mess hall to leave him to his work.

the man held back a chuckle, sipping on the now lukewarm tea by his side. he had to admit, you were getting better at brewing his favorite drink.

levi’s heart felt a little lighter that night.

the two of you were almost impossibly closer after that. early mornings were spent with hange at important meetings and gatherings, most of the days were spent listening to hange rant about titans and ridiculous (but hilarious) and sometimes even useful plans, and late nights would be spent on paperwork and idle chatter by the warm fireplace in the mess hall.

the two of you would talk about nothing and everything, sometimes levi letting you talk his ear off as he added comments here and there or choosing to bask in each other’s silence as the flames beside you two crackled.

there were nights you fell asleep at the table, only to wake up in the middle of the night with a blanket that looked suspiciously like the one levi refused to share with you the night before around your shoulders that smelled of fresh laundry and lemons.

levi remembered all these little moments, including the time he had to yank a paper from under your arm to save it from your impending drool, or the multiple times he draped his cotton blanket over you and pulled it around your shoulders, his hands hesitating to pick off the dust that had resided on your cheek before gently brushing it off you and holding his breath when you’d twitch or move from his touch.

he still couldn’t really understand how it happened really, but spending time with you made him realize how much he liked the way you smiled at him no matter how annoyed he was with you, and the way you talked to him like he wasn’t humanity’s strongest soldier.

he felt normal, and strangely free.

and for some reason, he felt that if you ever disappeared from his sight, he’d lose this light feeling in his chest that outshined the bitter emotions he was always burdened with.

he didn’t want to lose you.

levi huffs, trying to control his unsteady breathing. there’s a feeling of discomfort that settles in his chest, and he’s not sure if it’s from just the cuts and bruises he obtained from the crash. you’re treating him like he’s fragile, like glass, and he hates it, sure, he’s broken, even he knows that, but he hates it.

humanity’s strongest soldier… he scoffs internally at himself, well, he feels pretty pathetic at the moment. he then outwardly scowls, gripping onto the pants of his torn uniform.

“you’re going to die,” he doesn’t mean for his words to sound so sharp, and he’s sure that his tone hurts you more than the gashes that litter your torso.

“i know,” he’s right, it hurts, and they seem to cut deeper than your wounds, as if someone struck your heart with a knife and twisted the blade.

his voice nearly breaks when he says this, but he stays... strong, “you’re dying,”

“i know, levi. i’m sorry,”

you know this man has been through so much, too much. he lost too many, has seen too much, he’s been through so many tragedies, and you still haven’t seen him cry, not once, and not now as you lay beside him, shivering and keeping your eyes open enough to watch him glare up at the night sky.

one last attempt, you think to yourself. you need to get his attention before it’s too late, before you fade away and disappear, but you can already feel your conscious slipping through your fingertips and your eyes drooping.

“levi…” your voice sounds pained when he stays turnt away from you and looks up at the moon, “i’m proud of you,” levi’s heart squeezes and so does his eyes, he doesn’t want to hear your soft voice right now, nor look at your mangled body, or hear the shouts of soldiers swinging around on their odm gear or the battle cries as they slice into titans’ napes.

you bite back a cry at his act of ignorance to your pleas for him to just look at you, and fall silent as your energy drains along with the blood that comes from you and him and soak into the earth. you meant those words, you mean what you said, and you beg him with your eyes focused on his high cheekbones to just spare you a glance while his stay glued to the twinkling stars.

it becomes so quiet, that levi begins to think you’ve already kicked the bucket with how he can barely hear your breathing.

he’s already preparing himself to do what he usually does, steel himself against the terrible emotions of survivor’s guilt and sorrow. every time he feels the twinge of depression and desperation creep up and wrap itself around his heart, he escapes to his mind, the logical part of him. the part that keeps him miles apart from everything, distance, safety.

he does it so much that you know, and you can tell he’s doing it right now with how tense his brow is and how the nails of the hand which lays between you digs into his palm. he’s closing himself off again, even after all these years you’ve spent together as comrades, partners in crimes, and what you hope was as friends.

you try to distract yourself some more, with anything really, the way his hair, though covered in blood seems to flow seamlessly to the sides of his head, revealing his undercut, and his eyes that stare silently into the endless blue sky, or the familiar smell of citrus and fresh laundry that you get from him even with the layers of smoke that are wafting from the ongoing battle burning your lungs or the smell of blood still seeping out from the both of you.

you want to hold onto the lingering hope that he’ll turn to you and at least say one last goodbye, or say those unspoken feelings he’s always hidden behind cool grey eyes, but he doesn’t say a word.

time is running out, and you need to say this, say this before you leave him like everyone else. levi’s fingers twitch when he hears you take in a sudden breath, your voice coming out quiet, weak, frail.

“the moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” levi’s eyes open, and his head snaps toward you, and he regrets it, so bad. he manages to catch the exact moment the light, the life, fades from your very eyes he always thought were so gorgeous.

he’s lost his light.

you’re gone.

levi feels this terrible grip on his heart that makes him lose his breath and his head pound worse than it already is, and he chokes on the blood that gushes from his lips. his hand reaches out to you weakly, his arms, losing their strength, and he barely has the energy to keep his eyes open.

he almost can’t bring himself to do it, but he leans forward to press a shaky and hesitant kiss on the top of your head that he hopes conveys all the unsaid confessions he could’ve showered you with before your passing. his lips are warm, while your body turns pale and blue, and he finds it ironic how someone as kind and bright as you now seems dull in comparison to him.

as unshed tears pool at the corners of his eyes, your lifeless ones bore into his for the last time before he pushes them close with a touch of his hands over your eyes.

his heart, it hurts so bad, more than it ever has, and no matter how much he tries to push down the lump in his throat or the burning of his eyes and heart, it persists. he slowly falls back into his previous position, your corpse beside him losing its warmth and his steel grey eyes facing the moon once more.

the fuzzy lines around the full moon start to blur as he blinks a few times, the hues of white mixing with the blue of the sky, “it is…”

and finally, he lets himself cry.

explanations

“the moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

this is a more poetic way to say “i love you” in japanese :D

“it is...”

this is essentially “i love you too” in reply to “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

#attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #aot #levi aot #aot imagines #snk fanfiction #snk levi #snk #shingeki no kyoujin levi #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #angst #attack on titan #major character death #angst with a sad ending #angst with fluff #fluff

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gingerale2017 · 3 years ago

Text

The Day Cinder Found The Smile

A certain smile. Wide and genuinely full of glee and love. Radiating happiness and elation. Encouraging warmth. It was the type of expression you would expect from a senior in high school getting accepted into their dream school.

These smiles were supposed to be rare and unique to certain situations. To be saved for something important. It can also be associated with extreme love.

For example, when Jacin finally (after ten long years) confessed to Winter, that was the smile she wore for months. Whenever Thorne kissed Cress on the cheek, her lips would quirk into this. After working long hours on the farm, Scarlet would collapse next to Wolf and share this matching smile, triggering it by only being next to each other.

But those were cases of extreme love, something Cinder was missing, and she didn’t have any special situations happen to her. So naturally, she never wore this smile.

It wasn't always romantic love. Jacin would make Winter smile that long before they began to fall in love with each other. Whenever Cress made or did something incredible with her talents (like little Cress) the smile was quick to light up her features. Thorne had his materialistic things (such as the Rampion) but the smile was weak. It’s stronger now. Scarlet had her Grandmother to comfort her and bring on this smile. Wolf had little to smile about but he remembered when he was younger and things were simpler. How easy this smile came to him. A parallel to how easy this smile comes to him now with Scarlet. Iko’s smile came when no one else did, the optimistic side of her.

Suppose Cinder smiled with Peony, but she had a difficult time remembering it. And the smile fees good and charging while she only recalled being depressed. Iko cheered her up, sure, but it was mostly fantasies that would never come true and Cinder was nothing if not a realist. She did have talents to smile about, such as her job, and accomplishments. She didn’t really have items that gave her joy, except for that car she fixed once. Thorne wrecked it.

She checked all the boxes (scenarios, family, friends, talent, objects–except love) but the smile never came to her.

She tried telling Iko about this but her friend only looked at her weirdly, “Cinder, a smile is a smile. There’s nothing special about it.” Says the girl who smiled all the time, she thought.

Thorne frowned trying to understand. Cress asked her if she was okay. Winter patted her on the back but didn’t explain.

The only person who did understand and comforted her was Wolf. It was a party and Cinder was a bit tipsy. She didn’t know where Scarlet was but she saw Wolf holding a drink in his hands. She didn’t know what made her do it (she’s just met Kai and was a little flustered) but she plopped next to him, “What do you know about smiles?”

He stilled before turning slowly to look at her, “What do you mean?”

Cinder huffed, “I mean there’s this smile that people get in extreme moments of happiness or love. It makes you feel good and energized. I’ve seen the way it lights up people's faces and completely turns their day around,” she paused to sip her beer. She met his eyes, ever so startling in that green vibrance but she didn’t waver, “But it’s never happened to me.”

Wolf sighed, leaning back in the plastic white chairs. It complained with a loud croak underneath his weight, “When I was younger, my family and I, yes even Ran, were in a good place. No gangs, no death, no backstabbing siblings.”

“A good functional family?” he nodded, “That’s rare here.”

“I smiled a lot then. I took the special smiles for granted. I thought everything will be perfect forever.”

“Life’s not sunshine and rainbows.”

He grunted, “I lost my smile. The smile. Until I met Scarlet.”

“It sounds so cheesy and stupid,” it truly was so stupid. It’s a smile, for star's sake Cinder, a smile. A smile that nobody can see.

“I know.”

“And I want it so fucking bad,” she groaned, digging her hands into her scalp, “I’ll find someone, then.”

Wolf pat her shoulder, “Stay in there. You will smile.”

She grinned. This conversation sounded so stupid without context. Without understanding, “Thanks.”

Cinder did find someone, Kai, and the extreme love box was crossed out. But no smile. After a while, she gave up, just trying to enjoy the life she had with the absence of special smiles. But it would always creep up on her every now and then. And she would go down a rabbit hole, grasping for answers, yearning for that smile, that feeling.

Kai, in some ways, made it worse. This boy smiled often. Maybe just as much as Iko. Cinder was around the two twenty-four seven. You could imagine how agonizing this was.

She decided to tell him just to see how he would react. Maybe he’ll break up with her because she was crazy for seeing smiles no one else can. The most likely scenario, however, was him politely waving her off.

Instead, the response was the opposite.

“I remember my father telling me something like this not long after my mother died,” he let out a long sigh. The pair was laying on the floor of the dirty garage, which was surprising for Kai. He generally did not stand for unclean things, “I remember not understanding. I thought he was in some crazy state of grief, but maybe not.”

Cinder’s head lay on her forearms turned towards him who was staring at the ceiling, “Do you understand now?”

He smiled, not the smile, but his own special smile. She liked that smile, “A little bit.”

More time passed and suddenly it was Cinder’s birthday. Not that she cared, but her friends certainly did. They surprised her, filing one by one, giving her hugs and kisses and pats on the back. All of them said how much they loved and appreciated her.

“You’re twenty now! How does it feel?” Thorne asked, hugging her tightly.

“The same, I guess,” she replied with a regular smile on her face.

Then the lights shut off and Scarlet walked into the room holding a homemade cake with twenty impressive candles lit. Cinder raised her eyebrows, wondering how they did it.

As they sang the ever so cliche birthday song, someone squealed pushed her down into a chair. Her friends gathered around her, smiling.

Time seemed to pass very slowly. Winter rubbed her shoulder. Cress drummed on the table. Iko’s hands wrapped around her neck. Thorne belted his heart out. Kai laughed. Wolf and Scarlet swayed. Jacin refused to sing but nodded his head along.

That was when she felt it growing on her face. A smile. The smile. Cinder spent her whole life waiting for this, a little foolishly, but it was worth it. She had no idea something this smile could impact a person so much.

She thought of Kai and remembered his smile that seemed to charm himself as much as it charmed everyone else. Or how Iko’s was so contagious. And Wolf’s so genuine.

And then she realized that there was no special smile.

She was wrong.

Cinder had found her smile.

Scarlet’s was bold, Cress: shy but true, Winter’s was pretty and brutally honest.

Thorne’s smile was confident. Jacin’s is rare but really nice.

And Cinder’s smile was partially hidden but radiant. It was crooked and beautiful. It was pretty and not perfect. It was her’s.

She showed her smile to everyone. No one reacted except for Wolf who nodded subtly.

Keeping her smile on her face, she leaned towards the cake and blew the candles out.

Tagging: @just2bubbly @cinderswrench @cindersassasin @greenalmond @the-wee-woo-royal @deprivedmusicaljunkie @crescentchat @notjacinclay @wheresmymom-imlost @salt-warrior @rapunzelfromthemoon @briggycat @thestarryeyedsapphic

#cinder #linh cinder #cinder linh #tlc #the lunar chronicles #tlc fanfiction #cinder fanfic #my fic #angie writes

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emmys-grimoire · 4 years ago

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Lesson 52 analysis + 53 predictions

Turning this into a routine thing now! They’re fun to write and they’re popular (moreso than my actual commentary posts lmao).

Y’all like my ramblings.

Things guessed correctly from prior lesson

The House of Lamentation was an illusion produced by the fairies

The arc culminated in the completion of the Trial of Patience (star received via Simeon)

The illusion did a number on Simeon's feelings as well due to his fondness for Lucifer and the brothers

They shoved Mammon and Luke off to the side and plopped them back in only after the Satan/Simeon arc was complete. There was no arc for Luke. To be fair, though, they did get more content than I expected even so.

Things guessed wrong

The banshee didn't show up at all. It was a red herring.

There was no significance to the geranium found in the mysterious book

Our adventure also completed the Trial of Generosity. (I incorrectly attributed this to Diavolo, who actually gave us the Star of Gratitude)

Still ???

Whether or not there is some kind of transfer of memories/experiences going on between the brothers' past selves and present selves due to our meddling in time. We've confirmed that past angel Beelzebub has turned into a glutton in between the time we last saw him and now, but we haven't confirmed if it *is* our meddling that has induced that. Currently, no change has manifested in the present brothers, nor has the timeline of events seemed to have significantly changed.

Whether or not present Lucifer becoming more "angelic" in season 2, in lieu of past angel Lucifer's growing doubt, will be a significant plot point. The parallels are getting stronger, though. (This is elaborated on further down)

It feels like 50/50? I’ll probably keep a list like this going for future analysis/prediction posts just so I can keep track of how right/mistaken I am throughout the playthrough. Might help me make less mistakes in my analysis!

As a general rule I try not to meander too far off into symbolism or out-of-game lore because what I write begins to sound like this:

And this is an otome game that is light on writing and plot. Nine times out of ten, it’s not going to be that deep. So I work with the details given and the plot points shown and try to draw connections within the framework of the story, in an attempt to try to deduce where the devs are taking the plot. Unfortunately for me, the devs like red herrings, and red herrings are designed to mislead you. With me, they are quite successful! I’d like to get better at spotting them.

The book was consequential -- it’s used to imprison Satan later -- but that’s the end of it’s meaning. Maybe the Bible verse had something to do with it, too -- those were some weird ass numbers to just throw in the title -- but maybe not. Either way, it doesn’t really matter.

But enough of that, onwards! We have a lot of points to go over that may be interesting to note, right or not.

Satan the Memory Thief

Back in 50-B we learn that it was Michael who taught the brothers the stories behind the human world constellations.

When we’re tossed back in time-dreamland (?) again, it is Satan who takes the opportunity to teach the brothers the human world constellations. The room had just been remodeled: Michael hasn’t had the opportunity to give them tours yet. Lucifer mosied into the room so he and the brothers can get the first glimpse.

Sooo if in a future lesson we ask them about where they learned the constellations in the present timeline and they say “oh a guy named Sully, who suspiciously looked just like Satan, taught us!” then we know our meddling is having significant consequences.

It IS worth noting that unlike the prior dream sequence, Satan and Simeon remember what they just went through. This particular time-dream could very well just be an illusion meant to give Satan/Simeon some kind of emotional resolution and nothing else. This is kind of why I hate that they’re bring time travel back into the story: it makes stuff like this confusing and borderline inconsistent. Some sequences may have effects and others may not.

The chat between Lucifer and Simeon could also be consequential.

“Do you *really* mean that?”

There is a parallel at play here!

After you wake up after dozing off, you go off to find Lucifer and Simeon conversing in a forest clearing, evidently unaware that you’re eavesdropping on them. Simeon says although he knows it is just an illusion, that he was glad to see angel Lucy once more. Angel Lucy is predictably confused, and reassures Simeon that they’ll remain like this forever.

Simeon, of course, knows better. He tells Lucifer that he knows he’s been meeting with Diavolo and he’s having doubts about his place in the Celestial Realm -- and if things really will remain the same. Lucy is caught off guard, and starts to explain with some clear hesitation... and of course we pass out before we could hear his answer.

There’s creepy loud heartbeats when it fades out. Normally I associate them with tense, pivotal decisions -- but it could also just be related to us waking up and returning to reality.

If Simeon ends up being wrong -- and there will be real world consequences to this conversation -- they could be very significant consequences. We’re not sure if the conversation continues for a bit longer after we pass out, but Simeon already woke up before we come to.

Obviously the brothers still fell (they’re still demons in the present), but I wouldn’t underestimate the potential of a butterfly effect changing the circumstances of the Great Celestial War. I kind of hope they don’t do that, though, because they haven’t even begun to explain the present details of that event. We know only the broad strokes. Suddenly changing them to make the resolution between the demons and angels more smooth will feel really forced.

And that parallel I mentioned: Diavolo expresses similar worries and doubt in Lucifer’s conviction in season 2.

I have no doubt Lucifer actually means what he says to Diavolo, unlike his dialogue with Simeon, but Diavolo is aware of just how far Lucifer will go for the sake of his family -- and he’s probably #2 on the priority list, when push comes to shove. Lucifer forsaking the Celestial Realm for Lilith was the thing that brought him to Diavolo in the first place.

Of course, this lesson has Simeon suggesting that Diavolo’s influence on Lucifer was significant prior to all that unfolding, and it may have eventually happened regardless. It was only a matter of when, not how.

Still, Lucifer be writing checks he may not be able to cash. We also get this foreboding warning from Barbatos in Season 2:

As I’ve said before, the inevitable conflict the story was hinting to at this point doesn’t happen in Season 2. Lucifer isn’t forced to make a choice like this. The Night Dagger didn’t demand it.

I’ve also expressed my belief that Season 2 and Season 3 were likely written back-to-back due to the small window of time between their releases, so I believe details overlooked in Season 2 may suddenly become more relevant in Season 3.

It’s worth remembering Diavolo’s growing feelings for MC -- and Lucifer’s inner conflict about it -- were hinted at early in Season 2, as well. It doesn’t really get going until the conclusion of Season 2, leading into Season 3.

Do I have any clue of what this is actually leading up to? Not at all! If it mirrors Season 2′s format, though, it’ll suddenly come to a head in the last 3-5 lessons. I remember feeling equally clueless then, and Season 2 had a lot more foreshadowing...

... a lot of which actually didn’t pan out! But it might now.

Guardian Angels

Another smaller, but interesting detail. Guardian Angels are indeed a thing.

I think they’re gonna become a thing soon. The devs very sneakily changed a small detail in Season 2, suggesting they might have realized that it may interfere with their plans for later seasons.

Old version.

New version.

I’m thinking they may have decided giving Michael guardianship of an entire swath of the population was cheating, and they may be individualizing the role of Guardian Angels.

Which leads me to who I think Michael’s chosen human squeeze is:

My man has been scoping him out long before we came around.

It makes sense, too. We know Michael gave his Ring of Wisdom to Solomon, which seems to have kickstarted his career as a demon-pacting sorcerer (though he clearly was a sorcerer before this).

This is a very powerful item, described as the Ring of Light’s counterpart, that would be very useful for a high-ranking angel to possess. I don’t think Michael would fork it over to just anyone, particularly when we remember how he felt compelled to interrogate us via dream hi-jack before the Ring of Light fully came into our possession.

Solomon also makes Michael angst in a way a well-meaning but misbehaving child would make their parent angst:

Solomon also really doesn’t seem to regard Michael like some distant, all-powerful alien being who could smite him out of existence.

Contrast this with how he responds when he’s forced to hang out with Diavolo for a day (he gets more comfortable, but he initially wants to punt the responsibility back to Lucifer ASAP).

And he knows a surprising amount of small details about the guy:

I think Solomon is a significant part of Michael’s long-term plans, but he may not even be fully aware of how. Or he is, and they’re in some kind of mutually beneficial agreement -- possibly related to cross-realm peace -- that we simply haven’t been made aware of yet.

Personally, I think Simeon should be made MC’s ‘official’ Guardian Angel if they’re gonna be a thing with official mechanics behind them. I know Michael is supposed to be the Big Cheese and ridiculously hot, so it may make sense to have him linked to the MC of an otome game because they’re super special too, but Michael may already have Solomon. He shouldn’t get to hog everything. It’s not like assigning Simeon to do job would really inconvenience him, either: MC is Solomon’s apprentice. He can easily work with the arrangement.

Luke may feel left out but he’s a kid so...

Seven Brothers Constellation

We learn there’s a constellation representing the brothers in the Celestial Realm. Everyone there knows the legend, but Luke doesn’t know what the three stars ‘watching over them’ represent.

He, Mammon, and Satan begin to theorize and Satan suggests they may represent the three realms. The other two like the idea, and Mammon insists the ‘human’ star represents MC.

He’s probably right, but I’m willing to take it a step further: it represents MC, Diavolo, and Michael. The three “guardians” of their respective realms, and the brothers. Season 3 has been repeatedly beating us over the head with how much Michael still cares for the brothers and his relevance to their upbringing, and likely their future.

It bears repeating: Diavolo and Michael are aiming towards the same goal, though their visions of what peace and harmony looks like may be very different.

Solomon could also qualify as a self-appointed guardian, but I think he lacks the connection to the brothers MC obviously has.

Still, he has the same resolve, and he’s not leaving the story any time soon.

Predictions

I sniff out even the smallest Michael details because he’s clearly the key to whatever is gonna blow up.

This might give us some insight on how the initial dealings with him may unfold:

It’s hard to deduce just what this actually means. Either Michael tends to overthink things that just aren’t that deep (can empathize) and that in itself leads to needless complications, or he’s apt to misread situations and as a result gives poor advice. Or a combination of both.

My initial read on him makes me think that he thinks the best of humans/angels but the worst of demons. He is very, very complimentary towards MC as soon as they start answering his questions.

Am I now? Really?

It could just be the game making characters butter up the MC to make the game more enjoyable for the player of a self-insert character, but dude we just met.

When you tell him you did what you did out of love for Lucifer:

That’s a very telling pause/ellipsis. It’s like his brain momentarily short-circuits and he needs to regain his composure before he continues, and he still doesn’t sound entirely sure of what you just said lol

He also just outright admits he initially thought you must be wicked just because the brothers liked you, and this is a guy who is still fond of them himself. I think he’s having a very hard time with it.

So the inevitable bumps in the roads ahead with him will likely be a result of this, and/or his dad being an asshole. Neither he or Diavolo are actually in charge of the realms they’re overseeing -- they’re both de facto leaders -- so maybe the parents will suddenly barge in and try to knock over their sand castles for whatever reason. It is kind of weird that the exchange program has been agreed to in the first place, particularly on the Celestial Realm’s part.

Regardless, I have no clue what the next arc will be. I know we still have three trials left, but they could combine two again to leave more room for the actual storyline to progress. The climax is going to be the last trial of our sorcerer’s exam, or something happening afterwards. Not sure which one I’m willing to bet on yet: I remember Simeon’s play and the silly Blood Moon contest in Season 2 were what kept use preoccupied for Season 2 until SUDDENLY LUCIFER GETS AMNESIA AND THE WORLD IS IN DANGER AND WE HAVE TO STAB HIM TO SAVE EVERYONE. But they did heavily foreshadow that in the very beginning lol. They just didn’t fill in the blanks until much later.

I wonder what the trial of chastity is gonna be like and how hard we’ll actually fail and the game will need to overcompensate for that

#obey me #obey me!#obey me lesson 52 #obey me spoilers #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me michael #obey me barbatos #analysis #obey me lesson 53 #obey me season 3

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myveryownfanfiction · 4 years ago

Photo

I laughed as Ben drunkenly swayed in place. He looked at the award in his hand and the pieces that were laying on the floor. I was fairly sober but at this point anyone was more sober than Ben. He looked up at me and shook his head as his laugh joined mine.

“I’ll fix it later.” He picked up the pieces and tossed them onto his desk. He turned back to me and leaned on me when he reached me. “Come here beautiful.” I giggled as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I’m proud of you Ben.” I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and hummed.

“Remember when I used to be fat?” He asked suddenly. I raised an eyebrow. “No. Not just fat but a regular butterball. Bet your fern I was.” He looked over my head just as suddenly, scaring me slightly. Something wasn’t right but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “You remember we used to say that as kids? You bet your fern. But I was F-A-T.” I shook my head at Ben.

“Why this nostalgia trip?” I asked as I pulled him closer. Ben shook his head.

“I’m not quite sure. It just popped in there.” He pulled me into a kiss, effectively stopping all conversation on the matter. The phone ringing pulled us out of our repreve. “I hear bells.” Ben joked. “I’ll be right back.” I laughed and sat down on the bed, taking off my shoes. I could hear snippets of Ben’s conversation on the phone. Smiling to myself, I got up and leaned in the doorway of the room. Ben looked over at me and my smile fell. Fear was written all over his face. “We’ll come.” He hung up the phone and made his way back over to me. “IT’s back.” I would have fallen if it wasn’t for Ben’s quick reflexes. He sat me back on the bed before going and getting us drinks.

“Are you ok?” I asked. Ben focused on pouring the drinks.

“I don’t think I am sweetheart.” He took a drink before bringing me mine. “Not tonight. Not at all.” I took a sip of my drink before running my finger around the rim several times. “What about you?” Fear had dissipated some and concern was slowly taking its place. I let out a dry laugh.

“Knowing that damn clown is back in Derry?” I shook my head. “I’m with you Haystack. Not tonight. Not at all.” Ben wrapped his free arm around my shoulder and gently pulled me into his embrace. Once we had calmed down a little bit, Ben and I went for a drive to his latest construction site and we went up to the roof. Ben had brought the bottle with him and I watched him carefully as he swayed close to the edge. I was about to reach out and grab the back of his pants when he wrapped his arm around a piece of machinery to keep himself upright. I joined him and wrapped my arms around his waist. We looked out at the city and got stuck in our own flood of memories. Memories I didn’t want to remember and memories I wasn’t even sure I had forgotten to begin with. A smile made its way onto my face as the day I met Ben came flooding back with force.

“You going to stand there all day?” I asked the boy that was standing in the middle of the sidewalk. He jumped with a start and turned around. “School’s out you know.” He nodded and moved to the side to stand next to me. Two girls pushed between us and I made a face at their backs. The boy laughed and looked me in the eyes for the first time. “Well.” I stalled before looking over to see my dad standing next to our car. He looked bored. “So long Ben Hanscom. I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” I smiled at him and waved as I jogged over to my dad. I got in the car and watched Ben wave back before turning back the way he was going originally.

“Who was that?” My dad asked as he looked at me in the rearview mirror.

“Ben Hanscom. He just started school here today.” I answered before starting the reading that was assigned for class. We had been driving for a while before I looked up at the noise my dad had made.

“Look at that Henry Bowers. Cutting up some poor kid again.” My dad slowed down enough to take a look at what was happening next to the bridge. “Someone’s going to call the cops on him one of these days.”

“STOP!” I cried and fumbled with the door handle. I was out of the car before my dad had completely stopped the car. “HENRY BOWERS YOU LITTLE SHIT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” I ran at Bowers, causing him to turn towards me.

“Look what we have here! Little Miss./Mr. (Y/N). Come for yours?” Bowers laughed. I stopped just short of Bowers, nostrils flared and hands balled into fists.

“You leave Ben alone Bowers.” I growled. “I beat you once. I’ll do it again.” Bowers quickly looked at his cronies before flicking open his knife. “That doesn’t scare me.”

“But this scares the crap out of him.” Bowers lifted Ben’s shirt and went to carve his name in Ben’s stomach. I locked eyes with Ben and he nodded at me. I moved behind Bowers and Ben lifted up to kick Bowers back into me. I locked my arms around Bowers’ arms and threw him back. His knife went flying to the ground as Ben went over the fence. I grabbed the knife and ran to the fence to watch Ben.

“BEN!” I cried as I climbed over the fence and started down after him.

“(Y/N)!” I could hear my dad from behind me. I turned to him and gestured for him to go after Bowers or get someone to help. He nodded as I went down after Ben. I found him and helped him up.

“Did you get the knife?” Ben asked out of breath. I nodded and showed him. We took off through the Barrens before hiding from Bowers. “Thank you.”

“No problem. You’re lucky we took this route home today.” Ben nodded and I looked out hesitantly for Bowers and his gang. I watched as Eddie and Bill got the short end of the stick from Bowers before gesturing for Ben to follow me over to the other boys. “Come on. I’m going to introduce you to a couple of my friends.” I slipped my hand into Ben’s and led him over to where Eddie and Bill were standing.

“Let’s go to Derry.” Ben said finally as he turned back towards me. I nodded and followed him back down to his car. Everything moved in a blur. Before I knew it, I was sitting in a taxi driving parallel with the Barrens. Ben and I looked at each other before recognizing the bridge where Bowers had cornered him. “Pull over here will ya?” Ben asked the driver. We pulled up to the curb and we got out. “Wait for us.” I followed Ben down into the Barrens. “Doesn’t look like it changed in 27 years.” He squatted down by the river.

“I was half expecting Eddie and Bill to be down here if I’m being honest.” I said as I squatted next to him. Ben looked at me and nodded.

“Or Henry Bowers.” He put a hand on my arm to help keep me steady. Some kids running down a hill caught our attention and we watched, memories of when Ben and I had run from Bowers running back into my mind. I ventured a look at Ben and watched as he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. I put my hand on his knee and squeezed gently. He looked back up and took my hand. I continued watching the kids while Ben stood up and walked off. I glanced over at him and knew that this was his personal moment of being back in Derry. The one that Pennywise would ruin. Mine had come when we had gone over the state lines.

‘Leaving Derry’ stood in stark contrast to the green trees. I squeezed Ben’s hand and laughed as we sped out of the town.

“Goodbye Derry! Hope I never have to smell you again!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Ben laughed and pulled me closer.

“I thought it was Richie with the one-liners.” He joked. I shook my head as the laughter kept coming.

“He’s not the only one.” I leaned over and kissed Ben’s cheek. “Besides, we’re finally outta this dump.” Ben nodded and looked over at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face. He floored the car and the wind whipped through my hair. I looked back to make sure that the top of the car was properly latched and stood up in the car. Ben held onto the back of my pants as I screamed with joy. “FUCK YOU DERRY! I AIN’T EVER COMING BACK TO THIS ASSHAT TOWN!” I plopped back down in my seat as Ben tore out of town.

When I had come out of the memory, I had seen Pennywise sitting on the ‘Welcome to Derry’ sign. He had waved and I had ignored him. I was always good at that. Everyone else was seriously affected by him but for whatever reason I wasn’t. I looked up in surprise as Ben came back. He had a haunted look on his face and we both snapped to attention as the kids ran past. I put a hand on Ben’s arm and squeezed.

“I’m going to head back to the car.” I said. Ben nodded before taking my hand and kissing the knuckles. “Too many memories too fast too soon.” I joked as I started back up the slope. I opened the car door and got in.

“Reliving your childhood down there?” The driver asked as we waited for Ben. I looked out the window towards the Barrens.

“Something like that.” I muttered as I watched Ben round the taxi to get back in. He got back in and I quickly took his hand. The driver started back down the road. I leaned my head on Ben’s shoulder. “You look shaken. Everything alright?” He shook his head and leaned his head on top of mine.

“I’ll tell you later.” He said. I nodded before Ben sat up and moved forward. “Are you seeing that?” I followed his gaze and let out a small gasp. Pennywise stood there with a balloon waving at us as we passed him. Ben and I turned to watch him as the taxi passed him. Turning back around, I nearly screamed before Ben’s hand came down on my thigh to silence me. A yellow balloon was in the car with us and as it slowly turned, we saw it said ‘Turn Back Now’.

“Ben.” I let out shakily. He nodded as he rolled down the window and gently ushered the balloon outside where it bounced down the road.

“I know (Y/N). I know.” He rolled the window back up and gathered me into his arms. He pressed a kiss to my head and I gripped his shirt. “I won’t let him get you. You can bet your fern.” Another kiss was pressed to my head, making me smile. “I promise.”

“I promise too Ben.” I said before kissing his cheek and settling back against his chest.

#ben hanscom #ben hanscom x reader #ben hanscom fanfic #ben hanscom fanfiction #ben hanscom imagine #john ritter #john ritter imagine #john ritter fanfic #john ritter fanfiction #it #it fanfic #it imagine #it fanfiction

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czarojay · 4 years ago

Text

//This is gonna be a long, probably not properly formatted post, but i just couldn’t help but gush about and ramble about this. Also prepare for a wall of text why everyone is the traitor /hj//

I just have so many thoughts on what happened yesterday. Like all the foreshadowings and plotholes and plotlines have been set in motion, completed or filled. And it makes my little writer soul happy, you know?

It was obvious Techno and Wilbur would be the traitors, since Wilbur multiple times said so himself and Techno literally murdered Tubbo in cold blood. Maybe not so much cold blood cause “hE WAS PEER PRESSURED” and stressed af, but you get the point.

We knew Philza would join Dream SMP pretty much, since Wilbur showed him the script on stream recently. Also like Traitor Philza anyone? How many posts have you seen of the ultimate traitor being Philza? I have seen lots, but in the end weren’t like half the people traitors? Niki betrayed Pogtopia subtly by leaving and building another city, but i guess this depends on your point of view and opinion, since in the final battle she did fight for Pogtopia. Wilbur was the traitor (everyone knows that) by blowing up Manburg, when it all seemed to go right. Techno was the traitor to Pogtopia, but was also betrayed by Pogtopia. Techno was here to abolish government not make another, but at the first time, he knew what he was getting into. Tommy spoke about taking back L’Manburg for two months, since the election, so I do not know why the surprise. While I agree with Techno that they were just terrorists, because Schlatt was elected, voted, not a tyrant in full meaning of that word (this is so complicated, i love this). Eret was the traitor to Dream for a change, because he wanted to help and join Pogtopia, but was also betrayed by Dream, who had supposedly no way of knowing Eret was going to betray them, he just took the crown and plopped it down on our cottagecore lesbian George, who either sleeps or builds cute houses.

Also Philza being the one to slay Wilbur is just amazing, because there are so many possibilities motives. Philza said he couldn’t kill Wilbur, but he looked on the people of Manburg, L’Manburg, Pogtopia and Dream SMP, Badlands, he looked at all the people gathered here, staring up at him and he said he couldn’t kill his son. Wilbur said he was the one who destroyed L’Manburg, His L’manburg and ordered Philza to murder him. And he did. But why?

Did Philza kill Wilbur, because he knew, that even with Schlatt gone, Wilbur would continue to cause wars and battles and death and pain? Did Philza kill Wilbur, because he knew that Tommy looks up to Wilbur and wouldn’t be able to not let himself be manipulated? Did Philza kill Wilbur, because he thought nothing else could stop him from becoming a monster? Did Philza kill Wilbur, his son, because he couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to help his son, while one is traumatised, staring at them from where he miraculously survived the explosion and the other one was betrayed, but also a traitor and he just needed to do something? Did Philza kill Wilbur, because he looked at the blown up land and he heard his son begging for death and he at that moment was the only person who could make a change?

Hell if i know, there are too many posssibilities, but what i DO know is that i’m going to meet theories and conspiracies across my tumblr dash for weeks and I will be able to read all your amazing essays and I just can’t wait for it you know?

Chekhov’s gun. We knew L’Manburg would blow up. It would make no sense for it to not blow up after a month of it being the major plot device, one of the few things to keep it going. It needed to happen or otherwise the plot wouldn’t make sense. If this was a book and not minecraft roleplay, I bet everyone would be angry that the Wilbur character didn’t blow up as he said he would through half of the third book of the series! Sure there would be people happy that he didn’t, but let’s all be honest here, all the AUs would feature him blowing it up, it was really the only way for there not to be a massive plothole.

Tubbo becoming a president wasn’t that to be expected before the stream, but during the conversation with Quackity it was hinted towards. We all thought it would be Tommy who’d been hinted towards in the “You’re never going to be a president, Tommy” speech of Wilbur. And to be fair, he was a president for like 1.2 seconds, before he went back to get his discs which as exasperated leave me, because come on you’ve been at these discs for like almost HALF A YEAR WOW, make me happy cause it means more plot to come, chekhov’s gun right? I’m not sure if this applies here though, since they’ve already been used. We’ll wait and see right? Tubbo became a president like he was supposed to become. We all expected him to become the vice president, since Tommy always titled him his right hand man and the parallels were too strong. From Secretary of State through Schlatt’s right hand man through a traitor to end as the President of L’Manburg. Or New L’Manburg should I say?

And it’s even worse when you think about how Wilbur appointed Tommy KNOWING L’Manburg would blow up in a moment. He wanted to give him everything he could ever want and then steal it away the next second, violently, not leaving a shred of hope for it to return. Because, you see, with the discs? Tommy always could fight for them, steal them, get them back. Physical small objects, but worth so much. But L’Manburg? Tommy just got it back, his second home, his people, his place and Wilbur planned to immediately rip it away violently. Tommy would rage, he’d curse, he’d plan revenge. Which is exactly the reason Tubbo is the better choice to be a president.

Tubbo doesn’t hold grudges, so unless he’s manipulated, not many wars will be initiated by him. He was one of the people who tried to fight the wither, he was the one who immediately jumped to gathering people and making plans for the future of their country. He was the one who made plans to rebuild their nation stronger and better. He jumped to making and building and communicating rather than fighting, which seems to me like something a good leader would do.

Wilbur as the president barely did things, mostly used pretty words or fought. Only later in Pogtopia he actually did most of the stuff in their ravine, but he still left grinding and food for Techno and in the end he went insane and no good leader should be an insane one. Schlatt? Schlatt wanted to chop down the trees, kill the animals and destroy the nature. He may have been a better, closer and an actually elected leader compared to Wilbur, but that doesn’t mean he was a good leader. So it is possible Tubbo will be the best leader yet.

But will he even be able to be truly a leader? Tubbo said himself he’s not sure how the whole president thing goes and he agreed to just call it a friend group, so they’re not demolished by Technoblade again, so he’s never going to be truly a leader, especially since Philza joined and everyone looks up to Philza. They’re not going to have a leader, because Techno will kill anyone who even hints towards it and Dream would probably do that as well. Or so he says, but then he made Dream SMP a kingdom, a proper kingdom with a true king. Because let’s agree, Eret was never a leader before. He was just there, sitting pretty in his forest. There was no true kingdom before, just a group of people who decided to play along for the sake of the spy. But even then, it seems pretty hypocrytical of Dream, doesn’t it? He says down with the government, with organized nations, presidents and leaders and yet...

King George has happened. But at what cost, I would say sadly and possibly crying if I didn’t expect it to happen. It was bound to happen since the very first WHITE FLAGS, TOMORROW, OR YOU’RE DEAD. He’s earned no right to the title, he didn’t participate in this war, he hardly does anything on the server. He’s just an heir. Dream forcefully removed the last monarch, so George could become the king and I feel this is going to be a big thing in future, since it wasn’t that focused on during the last streams. I think so at least? We’ll see.

There’s just so many things to cover here, possibilities are WILD, the lore is just SO HEAVY and I am Thriving, capital T. But isn’t the whole fandom? We’re all loving it here, right? And I want to write even more, but at the same time, I’ve already got 1.5 k words and I’m afraid nobody will read it if i continue, SO HAVE A GOOD DAY IF YOU READ SO FAR. SUBSCRIBE TO PHILZA.

#dream smp #Philza #Ph1lza #Technoblade #Tommyinnit #Tubbo #Tommy #Wilbur Soo #Wilbur Soot #Jschlatt #Dream #Georgenotfound #Quackity #mcyt #16th november #november 16 #101 talks #ideas and analysis

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wienerbarnes · 4 years ago

Text

Stressor

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 2,622

Warnings: murder lol, mentions of gore/blood, mentions of rape (its described in like two sentences and theres a short non-graphic flashback, but pls pls pls message me if you dont wanna read and ill give u a sparknotes version), so theres angst but also some nice parts like bucky meditating okay

A/N: wrote this while procrastinating my art commissions but i bought my first laptop BY MYSELF after saving for months and im v excited :) lmk what yall think of this, i promise next part will be goofier/happier lol

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

“Shit… Fuck… Fuck! He’s gonna fucking kill me… fuck…”

The mumbles spill from your lips as you take in the scene in front of you. Puddles and puddles of blood covered the floor of your apartment, dirtying your beige tile and all the other surfaces with splatters. David lays in the middle, with about thirty-six stab wounds in his body.

When you and Bucky started the arrangement regarding your list, there were two rules you two agreed to follow - no matter what. First rule: Kills are never completed alone. You two are to complete the list together and help each other with everything that involves the person. Second rule: Bucky is to know everything about the person they’re killing. What they did to you, their name, their remaining family, where they live, what they eat for breakfast; everything.

And here you were breaking both of those rules.

It was too good of an opportunity, you try and convince yourself. Bucky will understand, he’s always so understanding, he never yells, he’s always so nice to you; a choked sob escaped your body as your dirty hands fly to cover your face, tears flowing down your cheeks mixing with the blood now smeared across your skin.

…

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Bucky always told you to be extremely cautious when leaving the apartment. Even though it had been well over a year, almost two, since your prison escape, you never knew who could be watching. Every few weeks or so, your name pops up in the news, Whatever happened to one of the worst killers in modern history, How did she pull off such an escape from such a high security facility, Is she even still alive, etc.

But as soon as your name appears, it vanishes once more, replaced by some other injustice happening in the world.

Your feet take you inside a small bar, the musky scent intrigues you along with the copious amounts of peanut shells littering the floor. You take a seat on the stool and try not to pay attention to the fact that every single person in the room is staring at you right now. But you can’t blame them; you’ve dyed your hair a pastel pink now, body covered in baggy jeans and baby blue long-sleeved milkmaid top, a gift from Bucky. “You can’t wear that one t-shirt, that’s mine, by the way, forever.” He’d told you. Your rainbow painted toes and fingernails stand out under the dimmed lights of the place.

An older man behind the bar approaches you and places a napkin in front of you, “What can I get ya’?” You order some beer plastered on the wall because as far as you know, you’ve never even tried alcohol before, let alone know enough about it to have any kind of preference.

You take sips of the beer for a while, aimlessly watching the sports game playing on the TV, every once in a while glancing at the pool table where a group of older men play a game together. Suddenly, the stool beside you becomes occupied. You know it’s not Bucky, he doesn’t know you’re here and it’s not his cologne, but for a second you were hoping it was. A parallel to when you sat with him in that cafe all that time ago. When he bought you that apple pie and hot chocolate. I miss him…

You refuse to look over at the man sitting next to you, but you can feel his eyes blatantly staring at you.

“So… what’s your name?” He breaks the silence and asks you. You don’t respond, simply just continue sipping away at your beer.

“My name is David.” He offers. A chill runs up your spine at the name and you look over at him. He looks so familiar… Where do I know him from? Have I seen him at the food market before? Is he Hydra? Did we go to school together? Were we in the Marines-

“Hey officer,” A deep voice curls into your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine.

“Fuck off, David. I’m trying to do my hair.” You don’t bother glancing at him in the mirror as you scoop more gel into your hands and smooth it onto the top of your head. You’ve let your hair grow to long and the strands keep sticking out of the bun, but the thought of asking any of the other women, or worse - the men, for help cutting it terrifies you. You’re still too new.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your higher up?” A large hand wraps around your middle and gropes your breast.

“I said fuck off.” A pointy elbow slams back into his chest, knocking the wind out of him.

“I’ll get you for that, just you wait. Fresh meat.”

Your body runs cold as you make the connection and you feel as though your entire body has shut down. You can feel the cold sweat gathering in your palms and your lower back. A lump forms in your throat and you want to cry; you want to scream. But something takes over, and although you feel terrified, you keep yourself composed; hide your anxiety.

“Do you want to get out of here? My place is only a few blocks away.” You ask, false sultriness dripping from your voice. David smirks at you, clearly not recognizing you from nearly a decade ago.

He takes out some cash and places it on the bar, grabbing your beer from your hands and placing it on top, grabbing your hands after and leading you out of the bar.

…

Bucky sits on the floor of his living room, practicing his twenty minutes of meditation before bed. Alpine rubs her cheek against the bare top of his foot that’s crossed under his knee, but eventually gets bored before trotting around behind him to start climbing her way up his back. Bucky tries his best to ignore her tiny nails digging through his shirt, but can’t help but chuckle as she makes herself comfortable in the curve of his neck. “Guess meditation time is over, huh baby?” He whispers before gathering her in his hands and plopping her on his bed. He reaches down to roll up his yoga mat when he hears a silent buzzing from his kitchen.

Confused on who would be calling him this late, knowing that Sharon’s visiting a college friend over in SoHo and Sam’s on a date, he sees a number he doesn’t recognize flash on the screen. Bucky hesitates answering, but he knows telemarketers rarely call this late.

“Hello?” Bucky answers.

“B-Bucky?” Your shaky voice sounds on the other end. The sound is watery and raspy, like you've been sobbing your eyes out and screaming for hours.

“Bucky, I-I-I need y-your help… I fucked up,” Your voice is cut off by a hiccup as Bucky goes to grab his closest pair of pants to go over his boxers and he pulls on sneakers before grabbing the keys to his bike.

“Hey, sweetheart? Do me a favor and relax, okay? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Bucky rushes out as he locks his door behind him before making his way to the staircase.

“I’m so so so sorry, Bucky… please don’t be mad at me-e… I broke t-the rules,” Choked sobs escape you and Bucky has never heard you cry like that before.

“Listen, I’m already on my way, okay? I’ll be at yours in twenty minutes, okay?” You don’t respond as Bucky listens to your crying and you eventually hang up.

Broke the rules? What does she mean by… oh. She couldn’t have… we had our next hit planned for a few days from now. Did she do someone else on the list? Bucky tries not to think too much about it until he can get to yours and figure out what’s going on, his motorcycle screaming through the quiet night.

…

You’ve been sitting in David’s blood for about an hour now. The liquid is cold, his body is cold, the phone in your hand is cold. Nice going, you’ve really done it now. Not only have you probably just cost yourself your freedom, but you’ve ruined your jeans and the top Bucky bought you. He’s going to be so mad at you; he’s going to be so mad that he’s going to have no choice but to bring you in. He’ll be laughing as the cops drag you away-

Your thoughts are interrupted by a frantic knock on your door, Bucky’s voice calling your name on the other side.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m breaking it down!” He calls.

You slowly stand, trying not to slip in the puddle, before walking over to the door and opening it about halfway. Bucky’s eyes widen and his brows furrowed together as he looks your body up and down.

The blood on your clothes is starting to brown and you’re covered up to your forearms in blood. Splatters decorate your face, neck and hair, and your eyes are puffy from crying.

“I-I-” You begin to stutter. Bucky silently pushes his way inside to see the bloodbath waiting for him. He pushes the door closed behind him and stares at the body laying in the middle of the floor. Your knife still sits standing out of his face.

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Bu-Bucky- I can,”

“What, you-you can explain?!” Bucky snaps, turning to face you, and you’ve never seen him look at you like this. You flinch and take a half-step backwards, bumping into the door behind you.

Bucky turns back around, a flesh and silver hand running through his hair and roughly over his face.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” He begins, voice eerily even, still staring at the body. “You're going to go shower and wash all of the blood off your body. Then you’re going to make sure this apartment is spotless. I’ll take care of… him. And then we’ll talk when I get back. Are we understood?”

You can’t seem to make any words come out so you quickly make your way to your bathroom and close the door behind you softly.

You shower until the water runs cold and your skin is tinted red. Either from the blood or how hard you were scrubbing, you’re not sure, you just didn’t want Bucky to still be in your apartment when you stepped out.

It’s not that you were scared of him, because you weren’t. You knew that Bucky would never intentionally harm you, both physically or mentally. You were more angry at yourself. Bucky's done nothing but protect you; he’s kept you a secret, helped you indirectly work through your trauma, stitched you up, made you smile and laugh when you didn’t even think that was ever going to be possible for you anymore. You broke the only rules he asked of you. You disappointed him. You’ve put him in an even worse position than he’s already in by protecting your existence.

You turn the knob of the water to the right before stepping out and wrapping your fluffy yellow robe around your body, tying it at the waist. Your apartment is empty when you step out of the bathroom, Bucky nor David occupying the space. Your walk over to your sink and open the cabinet on the bottom to take out your cleaning supplies before getting to work.

…

Bucky’s calmed down significantly by the time he gets back to your apartment. He checks his phone to see that it’s almost five in the morning before reaching in his other pocket for your keys that he took off the table, slipping the key into the lock and jiggling it until pushing the door open.

He’s not mad at you. Perhaps he was for a bit, but he realized that anger was just fear. Had anyone seen you? Did this guy do something to you? Did he recognize you and that’s why you needed to kill him? Did you kill him because you actually wanted to experience that again? He really hoped it wasn’t the last one.

You're sitting on your bed in the corner of the apartment, splatters still visible on the sheets but the floors are clean. The room doesn’t have an overpowering smell of bleach or cleaner, but there is no trace of a body here, besides the small splatters, but those can be passed off as splashes of wine. You did good.

Your feet are stretched out in front of your as your hands are planted behind your back, propping you up. Your yellow robe is tied around your waist but the edges sit high up on your thighs.

He sets your keys on your table, kicks off his shoes, and walks over to take a seat next to you.

“Did you know I was a Marine before all of this? When I was, like, eighteen?” You break the silence, still staring at the wall in front of you.

“Yes.”

“The guy was my unit chief. He raped me twice during my first week there.”

Bucky remains quiet as you explain, watching your face and it’s calm expression. You hesitate, opening and closing your mouth before opening it once more to continue.

“I went to some bar tonight and he hit on me. He didn’t recognize me, and… I don’t know. I thought I’d scare him or something, remind him what he’d done. But then he was here and he kept trying to feel me up even though I’d push him away. I didn’t have a plan yet. And then he snapped at me and then I snapped back…” You trailed off.

“After I realized what happened, I panicked and I used his phone to call you.”

“I’m really sorry, Bucky.” You say, softer now. You bring your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your shins.

“Okay. I forgive you.” Bucky responds after a moment.

The two of you sit in silence next to each other on the thin sheets. You’re staring at the passing cars out the window. He’s staring at your plant that’s sitting on the small night stand next to your mattress. You’ve changed out the silver tin it was sitting in to a light blue one covered in green polka dots.

You tilt your head to meet his eyes and look away briefly before meeting them again.

“Can… Can I have a hug, Bucky?” You ask, with the smallest voice in the world, your sentence ending in a small crack.

Bucky doesn’t answer and instead scoots closer to you, wrapping his arms around your body and pulling you onto his lap, your thighs on either side of him, chests touching. His left arm wraps around your back and drags slowly up and down while his right hand rests on the back of your head, softly scratching through your still damp hair. Your hands are tucked close between both your chests and your breath fans softly against his neck where your head is tucked into. He silently breathes in your scent, the children’s strawberry soap you use mixed with a homey, warm small that’s just you. He watches out the window as the sky turns from a dark blue to a deep orange; it should be about five-thirty right about now and the morning traffic is about to start.

“There’s a ton of white cat hair on your shoulder, Buck.” He hears you whisper against him, voice slurring a bit with drowsiness, the last bits of adrenaline wearing off.

He smiles to himself and holds you until you're fast asleep, and then stays for a while after that, too.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanficiton #bucky x criminal!reader #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes series

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ificanthaveu · 5 years ago

Text

2:00 am || Shawn Mendes

Description: You and Shawn Mendes had 2 things in common: you were always awake at 2 am and you had a habit for saying things you’d regret at 2am. Inspired by those 2:00 am lines in Feel it Twice and Mutual.

when you show up late say love at 2 am then tell me you can’t stay

it’s almost 2 am and I can’t ask you to stay

A/N: SO WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED AT 2 AM???? The world will never know, so I created my own scenario of the very complicated time of 2:00 am between Shawn and the reader. I’ve been obsessed with this parallel for a while, and I’ve been very uninspired but with heartbreak knocking on my door in more ways than one, I was prepared to write this. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 7k

Your tennis shoes were haphazardly thrown into the back seat of the car before you quickly slid on a pair of heels as your driver pulled up to the front of the venue. People were buzzing, photographers and celebrities alike running back and forth like their lives depended on it.

Your door was opened for you, and you took a deep breath before stepping out and grabbing whoever’s arm was there.

You mumbled a thank you as the man disappeared to help whoever pulled up next. You glanced around and gripped onto your purse.

You were alone.

Your manager was somewhere along the long row of professional people, probably trying to last-minute check in on your scheduled interviews.

You were used to looking next to you and having your boyfriend with you, but he wasn’t here.

Apparently, the Grammy’s weren’t his thing.

You walked forward along the carpet, finding the entrance along with a few other familiar and unfamiliar faces.

A hand rested on your back and gently pushed you forward on to the carpet. You looked forward and plastered on a smile, turning to whoever shouted your name. Random questions were hurled at you, but you knew better than to answer questions from people who weren’t the ones you planned on ahead of time.

But the questions were all the same.

“Where’s Jett?”

You ignored every one of them and continued walking down the carpet, meeting your manager along the way.

“Your first interview is just with the Grammy’s livestream. All have been instructed to not ask about Jett, but we can’t always be sure they’ll follow through,” she whispered in your ear.

You nodded your head before stepping up the first one.

“[Y/N]! So good to see you,” the one said as she pulled you into a hug, having interviewed with her before.

“So great to be here!” You said with a little too much excitement.

“Now, this is your first Grammy’s, but your film A Day Too Long has a song nominated for best film song, which is so exciting,” she said before pointing the microphone towards you.

“I know! I loved the song the second I heard it. It fits just perfectly with that pivotal scene, and I’m so glad it’s getting the recognition it deserves,” you said with a smile.

“Now, you’re working on your next project I presume,” the other one said with a sly smile.

You shrugged your shoulders and hid your smile, “Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

“Any hints?” She said.

“Well, you might just see me on the big screens again sooner than you think,” you hinted.

Both the girls shared a look, knowing they were the first ones to get this from you.

You said goodbye to them, slowly backing up as you finished your conversation.

You bumped into someone and felt a tug on your dress as you leaned backward, grabbing the train and tugging it out from under someone’s shoe.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” the guy said as he stepped back and reached down to straighten your train.

“It’s fine,” you sighed as the man stood up and towered over you.

“[Y/N], right? I loved your movie,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah, thank you. I love your newest single,” you stumbled over your words.

“Shawn, by the way,” he said as he reached his hand out, his voice shaking as much as yours.

“Yeah, I know. Hence why I said I loved your single,” you said with a small smile.

He nodded his head and looked away for a second.

“Yeah, probably should have figured that out,” he whispered. “Aren’t you usually here with someone?”

You glanced around and hoped no reporters heard what he just said. Shawn noticed your hesitation.

“I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I just kind of know Jett,” he whispered.

“No, it’s fine. I just don’t want any reporters thinking they can also ask,” you said with an eye-roll. “He just couldn’t make it tonight.”

Shawn cocked an eyebrow at you as you avoided his look.

“Couldn’t make it to the biggest night in music?” He questioned.

“Priorities,” you said simply.

“Right.”

“I should keep moving,” you said after a moment of silence.

“Yeah, yeah, me too,” he said as he stepped back and let you walk first, watching as you made your way back out to the middle of the carpet and posed for a final few pictures.

You caught his stare and smiled at him as he returned it. He made his way back out and posed just a few feet from you.

You made your way to the next interview and greeted them nicely.

“We just saw you chatting with Shawn Mendes over there. How amazing is he?” He asked.

“Oh, just the sweetest. That was actually my first time meeting him, and he stepped on my dress. But it’s totally fine! We’re all good,” you explained with a laugh and a smile.

You looked to your side at the same time as Shawn did as he talked to the interviewers next to yours.

“So, Shawn is good friends with your boyfriend Jett, right?” He asked with a smile that could kill someone.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you nodded your head slowly. You could feel Shawn staring at you as he finished up his interview.

“Yeah, yeah, they’re really good friends,” you said as smoothly as you could.

“Are you talking about how good of friends we are?” Shawn said as he jumped into your interview and slung an arm around you.

You breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at him and nodded.

“Exactly, how did you guess?” You said softly.

“Shawn Mendes, how are you doing tonight? Nominated for two Grammys!” The interviewer said.

“Yep, super excited. Now, I’ve gotta pull Ms. [Y//L/N] away, since I know someone’s looking for her,” Shawn said as he carefully tugged you along, waving goodbye to the interviewer.

“You’re a lifesaver,” you said through a fake grin.

“Jett and I aren’t even that great of friends,” Shawn said with a confused look.

“You know how it is. You see someone twice, and you’re best friends,” you said as the two of you continued to walk to the end of the carpet, done with interviews and pictures.

“So that’s why we’re best friends, right?” Shawn said cockily.

“We’ve only met once,” you said with a shrug as you walked into the building, and he laughed.

“Well, then this is where I leave you, and when I see you again later, then we’ll be best friends. Right?” He confirmed as he backed away.

“Whatever you think, Mendes,” you said as he rolled his eyes and made his way to his seat towards the front with his hands tucked in his pockets.

You ignored the feeling in your stomach as you walked towards your spot off to the side.

The show took longer than necessary, and you again ignored your feelings as Shawn presented an award.

You ducked out of the show a few minutes early, hoping to have time to find your manager to help you change before you headed off to an afterparty.

“[Y/L/N]!” You heard from behind you as you spotted your manager.

You turned around to see Shawn walking towards you.

You smiled at him as he got closer.

“You made it. We’re officially best friends,” you said sarcastically as you stepped into a corner with your manager, Shawn following.

“What after-party are you going to?” He asked as you worked on the detachable skirt of your dress, a miniskirt waiting underneath.

“Vanity Fair, I think,” you said slowly as you looked at your manager, and she nodded her head.

“I can take you in my car. You know, save the environment, take fewer cars,” he rationalized.

You gave him a questioning look as you finally detached the long skirt, and your manager put it into the garment bag.

You didn’t miss Shawn looking you up and down.

“Sounds good,” you said, a new hit of confidence hitting you as your manager handed you your purse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as she squeezed your hand and walked out.

You followed Shawn to the front as people started to pour out. His car picked you up in the front, and you made your way to the afterparty down the street.

You made small talk about the evening, sharing which artists deserved it and didn’t. You instantly felt comfortable with him, saying things you normally wouldn’t say to someone you’d only met once.

The car pulled up, and Shawn opened the door for you. Cameras flashed as you quickly walked into the bar with Shawn right behind you.

“You don’t think anyone’s going to think this is something else, right?” You said to Shawn as you got inside.

Shawn shook his head, “Jett and I are best friends, remember? Nothing against being with his friends.”

You nodded your head slowly, “Not everyone sees it like that though.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Shawn said as he slowly pushed you further into the packed bar.

You greeted a few friends who happened to be there, getting separated from Shawn pretty early on, occasionally seeing him from across the room or bumping into him as you both talked to everyone.

After a few hours, you found yourself alone in a booth, drinking a bottle of water to hopefully sober yourself up for your 8:00 am meeting the next day.

Shawn plopped in the booth across from you, also drinking water.

You hit your bottle against his.

“Why are you drinking water?” You asked.

He shrugged his shoulders as he traced the sides of the bottle, “I have a writing session at 8:00 tomorrow.”

“I have a meeting at 8:00 tomorrow,” you said, raising your bottle again as he tapped his against yours.

“Good for us,” he grumbled as you both took a sip.

“Want to get out of here?” You said, alcohol still flowing through you. “My apartment is a few blocks away. It might be easier to get picked up there.”

Shawn nodded his head and helped you out, making your way to the back entrance. You looked both ways down the alley before slipping down it and tugging Shawn to follow.

“You seem like you’ve done this before,” Shawn said as you came out at the other end at an empty sidewalk.

“I do it more often than I’d like to admit,” you said with a scrunched nose.

“This specific bar or other places?” He questioned.

“This bar and the restaurant next to it. I love both the places, and I don’t want people catching on that I spend time there because then there’s always way too many people there,” you explained.

“That’s how my favorite coffee shop got ruined,” he mumbled. “People saw me coming out of it like three times, and now it’s always packed. People just sit and wait there anytime I’m in town.”

“Yeah, this shit is not always fun,” you related.

You lead him up the stairs of your building and up to your apartment on the top floor.

“An Uber is going to take an hour,” Shawn grumbled as he followed you in.

“Well, make yourself at home then, Mendes,” you said, gesturing to the couch.

Shawn sat down and leaned his head back as you went into your kitchen.

“Anything to drink?” You yelled.

“Coffee,” he mumbled just loud enough.

You shook your head and laughed to yourself as you started a pot. A few minutes later, you walked into your living room with two mugs.

“Wake up, Mendes,” you border-line yelled as you nudged a mug into his hand.

He groaned and took a sip as you sat down next to him, maybe just an inch too close.

It stayed quiet and you let out a yawn before glancing at the clock on the wall. It was nearly 2:00 am.

“So what do you do in a writing session?” You asked as you both faced each other and sipped at the coffee.

“Well, I’ll meet Scott at the studio, we’ll both share any ideas we have and see what we can do with them,” he explained.

“That’s it?” You said with a confused look.

Shawn rolled his eyes, “It’s not that easy. There’s obviously a lot more to it.”

“Mhm, sure, ok,” you said slowly as you took a drink.

Shawn shoved your shoulder playfully as he rested the side of his head against the couch, watching you as you stared out your window and took another drink.

“What about your meeting?” He asked quietly.

“A movie deal,” you said simply. “Paperwork.”

“Fun, fun,” he said back.

“I’m glad I got the part, not glad that I have to spend five hours in a meeting that’s exactly like every other one,” you said, leaning your head as he had his, looking back at him.

“So, where is Jett?” He asked.

You sighed and leaned your head to the side, looking at the ceiling, knowing this was going to come up eventually.

“As a director, he doesn’t think he should have to go to the Grammys,” you said slowly.

“His movie won for best score.”

“I know.”

You could feel him staring at you as you refused to look at him.

“Kind of bullshit,” Shawn finally said.

“Yeah,” you said back as you finally turned your head to look at him, being much closer than you remember.

“You deserve better,” he whispered.

“You barely know me,” you said back at the same volume.

“You’re pretty easy to get to know.”

You felt yourself get closer to him, your eyes not leaving his, until you tore them away for a moment, instantly seeing the picture on your end table of you and Jett.

You didn’t move, your eyes not leaving the photograph. Shawn continued to look at you, before following your eyes to the photo.

“I don’t expect you to ask me to stay,” Shawn whispered.

“You know I can’t ask you that, Shawn,” you replied, finally looking at him.

He nodded his head and you looked back at him, but he looked down before your eyes could meet his.

“My Uber is here,” he whispered before standing up.

You followed suit and followed him out of your apartment. You both could feel the guilt eating away at you as you stood at the front door of your building.

He turned towards you and tugged you into a hug before you could change your mind. You relaxed at his touch as you felt his lips press a kiss to your cheek before he pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

“I am, too,” he said before turning to walk down the stairs.

You watched as he climbed into the car and disappeared into the unsettling darkness that came with 2:00 am.

You made your way back up to your apartment, checking your phone for the first time all night. You sent a text to Jett congratulating his movie for winning best score before going through the pictures your manager sent you.

You picked one with the artist of the song that won from your movie and one where you were looking off to the side and smiling.

You knew it was when you smiled at Shawn.

And he knew it too when he saw it the next morning.

He stared at it for just a moment too long, admiring the glimmer in your eyes as you smiled at him.

But you had a boyfriend. And Shawn had music to write.

But it didn’t mean the music couldn’t be about you.

—

Your eyes were glued to the clock as you watched it slowly pass 1:30. You sat pretzel legged in the middle of your couch, not moving as you willed yourself not to cry.

You’d give up on the dress you’d picked out around 10:00. The makeup came off shortly after, and your hair was undone just an hour ago.

You tapped your phone, hoping to see a text from Jett explaining everything.

But still. Nothing.

The dinner you’d made and been so proud of was picked at by you and the rest was put in the fridge.

It was your first night off in a while, and while you loved the movie you were in, it was mostly night shoots. So you weren’t seeing Jett as frequently as you used to.

You tapped on your phone once more before finally picking it up and dialing his number.

It rang a few times before it picked up and you hear rustling.

“Hey, hun, I can’t really talk right now,” he said as you could hear him trying to get somewhere quieter. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“You know I can’t fall asleep before 2:00,” you said softly.

“Well, babe, you really should try.”

“I have,” you said harshly.

“What’s up? What’s going on?”

“You were supposed to be here seven hours ago.”

“Shit,” he mumbled.

“Please tell me there’s a good explanation for this,” you said, trying to keep yourself calm.

“The guys wanted to grab drinks after today’s shoot,” he said slowly.

“The guys? Didn’t realize you couldn’t take a night off from them to spend one with me for the first time in weeks,” you said as the anger started to bubble in your chest.

“I’m sorry, hun, I’ll make it up to you,” he said with little emotion in his voice.

“You can’t just say that. You say that all the time and every time you try to make it up, you forget about that, too,” you snapped. “This was my one night for another few weeks.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to do,” he snapped back.

“I want you to remember when we make plans for something,” you said, standing up and walking to your window.

“You want me to come over now?” He asked.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, leaning your head against the cool glass.

“No. I really don’t want to see you right now, and to be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate this,” you choked out.

Jett was silent on the other side.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He finally said.

“I don’t know. It’s late, and I can’t think straight right now, but I’m really fucking mad, J,” you said, his nickname rolling off your tongue before you could stop it.

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow, ok? I promise we’ll figure this out,” he said, trying to make it sound like it meant something.

“Ok,” you said softly.

“I love you.”

You didn’t say it back, shutting your eyes and begging tears not to fall.

“[Y/N],” he said softly.

“I just can’t say it right now because I’m really not feeling it,” you said, a tear slipping out. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” you quickly said before hanging up and sitting against the window sill.

You leaned your head into your hands and let yourself cry. You sat there for what felt like hours as you questioned why you let him continue to do this to you.

You finally stopped and leaned your head against the glass again, staring at the ceiling.

It was 2:00 am by the time you stopped crying.

And you only knew one other person who would be up this late.

You pressed his contact before you could convince yourself not to.

Shawn sat on the chair in the corner of his room, scrolling through his phone and occasionally looking up to see his girlfriend’s sleeping figure.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as he looked at her when his phone vibrated. He looked down, and his heart jumped at seeing your name.

He quickly stood up and walked into the living room before answering.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” you said through a sob.

“Oh, [Y/N]…” he trailed off as he heard you cry.

“I can’t do this, Shawn. I can’t fucking do this,” you sobbed, leaning your head between your knees.

“What happened? What’s going on?” He asked frantically, walking towards the other end of the living room and hoping he didn’t wake her up.

“I planned this shit for weeks,” you said through sobs. “I made him dinner on my one night off, and he forgot,” you said breathlessly.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” he said quietly.

“This is the seventh time he’s done this,” you said quietly.

Shawn’s eyes widened as he leaned against the wall.

“[Y/N], seven times?” He asked carefully.

“Yeah,” you whispered back.

“You deserve better than this,” he reminded you for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Do I?” You questioned.

“Hey, don’t you dare fucking say that,” he snapped. “You deserve someone who would rearrange his schedule for you and would drop everything to be with you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you every minute of every day, and that’s not him.”

You went quiet, and Shawn instantly regretted snapping at you.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “I’m just having a really hard time believing it.”

“I know,” he responded. “But I’ll always be here to remind you that you deserve the world.”

“You would’ve given it to me,” you said before you could take it back.

Shawn didn’t respond. He instead leaned his head against the wall and tried to make himself not say something he’d regret.

He paced back and forth before standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He leaned against the doorframe and watched her chest rise and fall.

“I would have,” he said. “I still would.”

You didn’t say anything this time, leaning the side of your head against your window and watching the few cars travel on the street.

“Then come over,” you said.

Shawn let out his breath as his heart skipped a beat. The word “yes” was at the very tip of his tongue before he looked up at her.

“You know I can’t do that,” he forced out.

“I know,” you said. “I say stupid things at 2:00 am.”

“You and me both.”

—

It had been barely a few weeks by the time you and Jett were fighting again. You were in London for your final few weeks of filming. He was supposed to come and visit.

He never did.

So there you were, alone in your hotel room on one of your final nights of filming. All of your co-stars were out with friends and family in the area, but you didn’t have anyone.

You stared at the clock on the wall, wondering if it would be worth it to meet some of them out, but you just didn’t have the energy to do it.

You laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling before your phone started to ring.

You picked it up and glanced at Jett’s name before waiting a few more rings and answering.

“Hey,” you said softly.

“Hey,” he said back. “I think we need to talk.”

“I think you’re right,” you said back, expecting him to apologize again.

“I think we need to break up,” he said.

Your body stilled. You could barely move your mouth as you felt like someone poured concrete on you.

“Our schedules are just too different, and when I really sit down and think about it, I can’t see us together in the long run,” he explained.

The weight on your body got heavier and heavier as you tried to force yourself to breathe.

“You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way,” he said.

“I get it,” you choked out. “I get it,” you repeated, not being able to form any other words.

“We can get coffee or something when you get back and talk it out,” he said.

“Ok.”

“Bye, [Y/N],” he said before hanging up.

You stared at the ceiling as the weight slowly pulled off you. You sat up and stared ahead at the mirror on the wall, feeling like you were looking at someone else.

You tore your eyes away and stood up, grabbing your bag and your room key and storming out of the hotel as you let your tears fall.

You called an Uber and gave them the address you were given last week when he found out you’d be in London.

You pulled up to another hotel a few miles from yours, gave the receptionist your name and made your way up to his room.

You glanced at the time as you got out of the elevator. It was 2:00 am, and you knew he’d still be awake.

You knocked on the door softly, not wanting to wake up anyone else on the floor.

The door swung open, and you were face to face with Shawn.

He yanked you into his room and into his arms as you broke down, sobbing into his chest.

“He-he…Jett-he,” you tried to choke out as Shawn just hugged you tighter.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he reassured you as he rested his cheek to the top of your head and ran his hands up and down your back.

After a few minutes, your sobs died down, and you looked up at him.

“He broke up with me,” you said with a confused look on your face. “He broke up with me. Over the phone.”

“He’s a piece of shit, [Y/N]. I don’t know how many times I can say it for you to get it like everyone else does,” he said with a shake of his head as he tugged you further into the small kitchen.

You rested your elbows against the counter and leaned your head in your hands.

“I can’t believe I let this happen,” you whispered.

“It’s not your fault,” Shawn whispered as he slid you a bottle of water.

“It really feels like it.”

“You know that’s not true.”

It stayed quiet as you sipped at the bottle he handed you. After a moment, he rested a hand on your back and led you to the couch in the corner.

You sat down next to him as he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you tight to his chest.

“What can I do to make you feel better?” He whispered.

“Just this,” you said softly.

Shawn nodded his head and continued to hold you close, the silence becoming deafening.

“That night we first met,” you whispered. “I should’ve known that night.”

Shawn didn’t say anything, letting you process whatever emotions you needed to.

“He ditched me on one of the nights I was really looking forward to and then when I met you…” you trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it.

“I know,” Shawn said softly.

“I don’t think you do,” you said, feeling your throat tighten again.

“No, I do,” Shawn said as you looked up at him. He ran his thumb along your cheek, wiping away your tears. “I felt the same way.”

You looked back down at your lap, the weight of “felt” pressing against your chest harder than your break up did.

“I get it,” you said softly.

“I wish it was different,” he said as he tried to meet your eyes. “But I can’t just feel that feeling twice.”

“But I-“ Shawn cut you off.

“[Y/N],” he said softly. “Please don’t.”

You stayed quiet, resting your head against his chest again as he ran his hand up and down your arm.

“You just broke up with Jett. You’re in a different city, a different country. It’s 2:00 am,” he explained. “I don’t want you saying something you don’t entirely mean. We both do too good of a job at that at this time.”

You nodded your head against his chest, not wanting to look up and see the look on his face.

“You can stay,” he whispered. “I have a spare bedroom,” he said before you could get your hopes up.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

The two of you stayed there as you both breathed deeply, both feeling how fast the other’s heart was beating.

But no one said anything.

You found yourself dozing off as you could feel Shawn's heartbeat slow back down to normal, his arm staying securely around you.

Shawn eventually felt your breathing even out as you fell asleep against his chest. He stayed still for a while, making sure you were really asleep before he carefully picked you up to carry you to the spare bedroom.

He walked into the untouched room and carefully set you on the edge of the bed before moving the covers back on the other side. He picked you up again and placed you in the bed, pulling the covers over you.

He sat on the edge of the bed and could feel your knee against his back as he looked over at you.

His heart skipped a beat, and he felt the same way he did when you smiled at him for the first time.

He toyed with his phone between his thumb and his finger before looking at the time. It was 2:30. He hit her contact before he could let himself think it through.

“Hey, you’re up late,” her voice rang through the phone as he heard her walking down a busy street.

“Yeah,” he choked out as he stood up, careful not to wake you.

But not careful enough.

He closed the door slightly behind him and leaned against the wall on the other side as your eyes opened to watch him walk out the door.

“[Y/N] showed up at my door. Jett broke up with her,” he explained.

“Oh,” she said on the other side.

He heard a door slam and then silence.

“You don’t have to say it,” she said.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Really, I should have seen this coming. You always answered her phone calls at 2:00 am, yet I could never seem to get ahold of you at any time of day,” she paused and took a deep breath. “Damn, I really should have seen this coming.”

Shawn could hear the hesitation in her voice.

“Can we talk more when I get back?” He asked.

“I’d rather not,” she said as he heard her voice break.

Before Shawn could say anything else, she mumbled goodbye and hung up.

He took a deep breath and slid down the wall, still oblivious to you being awake less than ten feet away, having heard everything.

Shawn stood up and walked back into the room. He froze when he saw you sitting up and staring at him with tears in your eyes.

“Why did you do that?” You choked out in barely a whisper.

Shawn hung his head and ran his hands over his face, not thinking he’d have to explain this so soon.

“I had to,” he finally said.

You simply nodded your head, too emotionally exhausted to actually talk it out. So instead, you lifted the other side of the covers.

Shawn shuffled around the bed and climbed in beside you. He didn’t hesitate to pull you into his side. Your body fit around his like two puzzle pieces as you traced shapes along his chest.

“I don’t know what to say right now,” Shawn said after a few minutes of silence.

“Me neither,” you responded.

Silence filled the room once again as you both were wide awake. Shawn stared at the ceiling and thought of a million things he could say to you, but none of them were right.

But at this point, with the night you two had had, Shawn decided it wasn’t worth holding back.

“That night, when we first met,” Shawn began. “When you smiled at me from across the carpet, at that moment, I would’ve given up everything for you.”

You didn’t say anything.

“I had barely known you for five minutes, and if you would’ve asked me to give up everything and run away with you, I would’ve done it,” he paused. “And I’d still do it.”

You pushed yourself up to rest your chin on his chest and look up at him.

“What if we did?” you whispered.

“I’d do it for you in a heartbeat,” Shawn said without hesitation as he looked into your eyes.

You tore your eyes away from his as you rested your cheek against his chest again, staring at the fireplace across the room.

“We really say a lot of things we don’t mean this late,” you forced out.

“Yeah, we do.”

You woke up at 6:00 am, confused until you remembered what had all happened the night before. You looked to your side to see Shawn’s face just inches from yours, his hand resting gently on your hip.

You slowly got out of bed and slipped on your shoes discarded by the door. You reached for the handle but hesitated before turning it.

You quickly turned around and found the pad of paper on the desk. You scribbled down a quick note and set it on the pillow next to Shawn’s head before pressing a longing kiss to his forehead.

You were gone before he woke up.

When he reached over for someone, no one was there. He sat up, also confused as to what just happened until the weight of the world came crashing down.

He quickly stood up and walked out to the living room, looking back and forth and listening carefully, hoping you were just on the balcony or in the other room.

But there was nothing.

Shawn turned around and walked back into the room, seeing the note on his pillow.

He stood by the doorway for a moment too long before forcing himself to read it.

You and I have 2 things in common: we’re always awake at 2 am, and we have a habit of saying things we regret at 2 am. We both know this wasn’t supposed to work. I’m sorry.

—

The premier for Everything and More was exactly as the title implied. The crew went all out to incapacitate the dreamy feeling the film offered. Fairy lights lined the carpet, and your pure white dress said everything it had to about who your character was.

And who you were now.

It had been over a year since you finished the movie in London, and after a few too many reshoots and press tours, it was finally being released.

Cameras flashed, and you smiled big among your costars, laughing with each other and knowing it would never be like this again.

You were whisked along the carpet before you were onstage to start the movie. You stood alongside your male co-star and laughed with him as the director said a few thank yous. Once it was his turn to talk, you turned towards the audience.

And you saw him.

He sat off to the side, a crisp grey suit and his hair just a bit too long with the lights reflecting off the chain on his neck.

And he was looking at you.

You tore your eyes away before he could even smile at you. You’d do things you’d regret if you saw that smile.

Your co-star nudged you and handed you the microphone as you tried to remember the things you were supposed to say.

“I just wanted to thank everyone so much for coming tonight,” you started as everyone else did. “I really put my heart and soul into this movie, we all did, and I’m so proud of it and what we did,” you said as the director squeezed your hand, noticing you shaking.

“Um...as far as thank you’s, I always have to thank my amazing manager and my team, my parents and my high school drama teacher,” you paused, taking a deep breath. “I went through quite a bit during this filming, as everyone here, unfortunately, had to deal with,” you said with a smile as everyone laughed lightly with faint smiles.

“But with what this film is and who the character is and what I learned about myself while doing it, is something I can never fully encapsulate into words,” you said, looking over to your co-star as he winked at you before looking into the audience again and catching his eye once more.

“If you can learn anything from this movie, I hope you learn how precious time is. How quickly it can go away and how easily you can feel like you’re living the same thing over and over again,” you said, your eyes not leaving his. “And while time may not always be on your side, it’s on our sides in ways we sometimes don’t realize until years later.”

“I hope you love it as much as I do,” you said with a smile as you finally tore your eyes away from his.

Everyone went offstage to find their spots up front and watch the movie.

Everything clicked into place when you recognized the voice singing in the background of the pivotal scene in the movie where you apologized to the love of your life.

Everything felt eerily ironic. The song hit you in ways you didn’t expect.

But a surprise to yourself, you didn’t cry. You weren’t the same girl you were when that scene was shot in London over a year ago. You were everything and more.

The movie ended and the cast moved around to talk to everyone about the movie. You were caught up in conversation with someone when you looked up and saw him.

Your heart leaped out of your chest, and you offered him a soft smile before turning back to who you were talking to.

You ended up at a bar down the street with some other people from the movie, laughing and reminiscing with a drink in your hand before going off to dance.

You felt a hand rest on your back, and you turned around, expecting to see your co-star.

“Mind if I dance with you?” He whispered against your ear.

“You already know my answer,” you whispered back as he pulled you close against his body and your arms found their way around his neck.

“I loved the movie.”

“I loved the song.”

An hour later and you were still wrapped up in his arms, the time ticking dangerously closer to 2:00 am as neither of you said a word, instead just enjoying the feeling of his arms around you for the first time in over a year.

One tap on your hip and you followed him to a secluded corner.

“It’s been a while,” Shawn said, breaking the silence as he leaned against the wall.

You crossed your arms and leaned against the wall opposite of him. “I guess it has.”

“You were amazing, by the way,” he said. “That part was made for you.”

You nodded your head slowly before saying, “I didn’t know you had the main song in it.”

Shawn didn’t say anything, focusing on the wall behind you.

“You could’ve warned me,” you whispered, barely audible. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, and I could be completely wrong, but that song kind of sounded like it could be about-”

He cut you off with just a look.

“It is,” he said softly. “They all are. Have been for a while.”

You took a deep breath, resting your head back against the wall.

“I always thought you’d eventually call.”

“I didn’t think that was the best idea. I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me,” he responded.

“I always want to hear from you.”

“That’s not what you made it sound like.”

It went silent as you played with the edge of your dress, trying to figure out how you were supposed to articulate that you felt the same way now as you did that first night.

“Shawn, I-“ he cut you off with a sigh.

“I know,” he said quietly.

“I have a feeling you don’t.”

“Then tell me,” he said with that tone in his voice that made you want to tell him all your secrets.

“I didn’t leave because of you. I left because of me,” you started. “Jett had been my life for a long time, and I identified myself way too close to that. If I had woken up beside you, and let myself live in it, I would’ve done the same thing. And I couldn’t let myself live like that again.”

“Do you still love me?” He asked.

“Who said I ever did?” You said, keeping a straight face.

“That night, you almost said it,” he reminded you. “And I stopped you because I was still with my girlfriend.”

You simply nodded your head, already fully aware of that moment.

“I should have let you say it,” he finally said. “Because I would have said the same thing.”

Your inhibitions went out the window, and you took a step closer to him, closing the small distance between the two of you.

“Then say it,” you whispered.

His hand snaked around your waist, pulling you the last few centimeters into his chest.

“I’m in love with you,” he said, his nose barely brushing against yours.

Your heart leaped out of your chest, yet again reminding you of the feelings that never left.

“I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a lot longer than I’d like to admit,” you responded.

“Is it bad I want to kiss you?” He asked, his nose brushing against yours again.

“2:00 am is a bad time for us to be making decisions like this,” you reminded him.

“I have a feeling this isn’t a bad one,” he said, finally closing the distance between you.

REBLOG! REPLY! COMMENT! SHARE! SEND ME LOVE! AN ASK! A MESSAGE!

Real talk this is my first fic in a hot minute (since Ficmas) because I’ve felt so uninspired and I was so freaking happy to feel that inspiration again while writing this so PLEASE send me affirmations bc a bitch needs them with the year she’s been having

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galacticnova3 · 4 years ago

Note

Tell us about your other ocs (not iru 😒🙄) please

GHHGGHHGHJJHHN LOVE THIS ASK!

Ok so I’m gonna talk about Roa in that case!

She’s another Umbramaker (mirror Starcutter), but unlike Iru she isn’t terrible! She’s basically Lor’s mirror counterpart, but not technically because no soul to be reflected and stuff. Due to the nature of Umbramakers basically being bootleg Starcutters, though, Roa is actually 2000 years younger than Lor. Not that that would be super obvious based on how the two act, though; she’s a lot more serious, a bit behind the times, much less outgoing, and others would probably say she’s not as fun. The truth is she just never really figured out how to loosen up until very recently, and even then she’s more of the nerd sort than the memey type. If you get her talking about something she’s interested in, such as Another Dimension and Parallel Dimension (which are different parts of the same place), she could infodump for ages, going on tangent after tangent and yet always bringing it back to the same subject. She would probably get along well with Magolor; science nerd buddies!

In terms of her actual connection to Lor, as. I said, they aren’t true counterparts. They both had super similar life experiences, and just reacted to them differently. Instead of her mistreatment driving her to become a troublemaker like Lor, she became extremely anxious and servile, because she was constantly fearing for her life but knew if she dedicated herself entirely to Working and Being Useful she would be spared. While Lor didn’t get along with other Starcutters because they found her annoying and thought she got in the way, Roa wasn’t well liked because the other Umbramakers basically thought she was a bootlicker. She was very well liked by her pilots though, because she was So Well Behaved and Always Put Others First and Worked So Hard! Their only complaint would usually just be her lack of confidence. Of course, they never took the time to figure out why she was the way she was, though she wouldn’t have told them she knew what went on behind closed doors anyways.

As I’ve said previously, unlike Overworld Halcandra, Mirror Halcandra could afford to throw out their ships if they weren’t performing to a satisfactory level, and she was very much aware of the recycling going on. However, unlike Lor, who hacked herself her own admin rights, accepted her circumstances, and decided if her life had to suck she was going to cause problems on purpose as revenge, Roa actually started formulating a theoretical escape plan. Because she was technically a newer model than Lor, she couldn’t just hack herself and go nuts with her abilities, so she had to be careful. At least, that would have been the case, were it not for a shortage of pilots after a combination of multiple missions in Parallel Dimension going terribly wrong, and a subsequent wave of quitting until safer conditions were promised. Now, for her whole life, Roa has basically been the poster child of a perfect Umbramaker. Never did anything out of turn, stayed in the lines like a fill tool, and just in general had a long record of Not Doing Anything Unexpected. In other words, she also had a ton of trust built up with basically everyone who worked with her that wasn’t another Umbramaker.

So, they(the government) reasonably thought, with the information available to them, that maybe Roa could function on her own, without a pilot, until pilot numbers returned to how they usually were. She could still get measurements and stuff from Parallel Dimension and be in a fleet and all that, just without someone driving her. So, Roa was given admin permissions over her systems, and things went on as usual because she was too scared to do anything. Haha, yeah, no, that second part was a lie. Literally as soon as the officials left the room she took off; carefully plotted escape was out of the airlock, she could leave Right Now and was fast enough that they couldn’t catch her or stop her from warping somewhere else. She left in such a frantic hurry, though, that uh... well, I’ll just say a few people got hurt, which is pretty expected if you get hit by a giant ship taking off. She still holds that against herself; she never wanted to hurt anyone.

Unfortunately, though, in her frenzy, she forgot one key detail: other Umbramakers. Who had their pilots. Who had communications with the port. So, as she’s fleeing, but before she gets the chance to make a portal to Somewhere Else, three other Umbramakers start trailing her; one to her left, one to her right, and one just behind her. They didn’t really have a choice in what they were doing, but Roa has always assumed they wouldn’t have done anything differently if they did anyways. The one behind her shot holes in her sail, which she still has now, to drastically slow down how long charging her vortex would take were she to switch into her combat mode. The other two kept her from going to either side, closing in until she couldn’t go anywhere but forward. In the end, this leads to the main thing she has in common with Lor; she was cornered and forced to enter a cavern in the side of a volcano, and the entrance was collapsed with her inside. Unlike Lor, though, she was still awake, but didn’t have the space to warp herself out.

That’s where she spent the next 27 thousand or so years, eventually putting herself into a sort of sleep mode to retain power and not be conscious the whole time she was trapped in a pitch black cave. She’d wake up when any noticeable physical events were detected, which could potentially mean freedom, but for the most part she would only wake up because of periodic earthquakes and eruptions that didn’t help her. Until, eventually, something else wakes her up; a mirror Halcandran teen, who had been slowly excavating her in secret, having found records indicating there was an Umbramaker buried in the volcano. He was none other than Magolor’s mirror counterpart, Magoroa, who was planning to do the exact same thing as Magolor. Unlike his Overworld counterpart, though, he was not checking out a ship who had been put in the AI equivalent of a coma. He manages to get inside and vibe in Roa’s library for an hour or two, grabbing some books to translate and read during his journey for domination, before she figures out what’s going on and kicks him out. She was free, and she was not risking anything jeopardizing that, even in the form of a teenager.

She flew off without him, leaving him with just a bag of books on magic and potion brewing. After escaping Mirror Halcandra unnoticed and getting caught up on important Mirror World news, such as that whole Dark Mind situation that happened while she was away, she decided to check out Mirror Popstar because apparently Halcandra stays away from there. That’s where she gets in contact with You Know Who, so now she had him to deal with, great. She eventually visits the Overworld to see if maybe she could hide out there. Stuff happened that I haven’t written yet but plan to, she meets Lor... or rather, Lor heard reports of another Starcutter and went looking for her, found Roa, chased her until she could establish “>MA’AM I’M NOT A THREAT PLEASE I HAVEN’T TALKED TO ANOTHER SHIP IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS”, and they subsequently talk and find out they have a lot in common. Now Roa spends more time outside the Mirror World than in it, but she still stays away from basically anyone who isn’t Lor, Magolor, or a select few of the Star Allies. Meta Knight knows of her but isn’t sure what to really do or what to think. He doesn’t trust her because she has no pilot, but also she is so much more mature than Lor that he’s tempted to just leave her be.

I couldn’t think of a place to plop this in the post, but here’s what she looks like in her combat mode! I haven’t talked about it here but Starcutters and Umbramakers can have elements, kinda like the weapons in Star Allies(which is what inspired this headcanon); Lor is bluster wind element(based on her attacks, could explain what I mean in another post if you’re interested), for example. What element do you think Roa is?

Fire. She’s fire element. Doesn’t look like it, but that is 100% intentional on my part and in-universe!

Anyways, if you read this far I owe you my life and also like 10 minutes of your time back.

#long post #asks #rambling #my art #my characters #roa #im so sorry that I don’t know how to not shut up but also no I’m not because I like Roa

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moonlightsolo · 5 years ago

Text

bête noire

summary: The First Order finds you and Rey on Tatooine. You manage to escape with her and make it back to the Resistance base, but you’re not entirely sure if you wanted to go back. Poe catches onto your tension which causes more problems.

pairing: kylo ren x reader & some poe x reader

warnings: cursing, angst, sad boi hours

wc: 4k

note: sorry for the chapter being a week late i was super busy and had no time to write but this is a really good chapter im happy with how it came out.

CHAPTER FORTY

The pulsating in your head knocks you off balance as you try to stand up from the ground. Sand is still flying everywhere.

It conceals you and Rey from the enemies in the sky. Rey grabs a fistful of your shirt and pulls you up from the ground. Sands falls off of your body to join the rest below you.

She holds onto your hand tight as she pulls you through the cloud of sand before it clears up. She crouches down to stay out of sight and get out of the open area.

She presses her back against a wall of a building to get herself together. Her hands push the sand off of her face, shaking her hair to get it out and you do the same.

Rey peeks around the corner “There are stormtroopers.” She whispers, “They probably know that we’re here from the Falcon being out there.” She sighs.

“I knew I should’ve put it somewhere else.” Her fingers go up to pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration.

Rey unhooks her lightsaber from her belt then you feel goosebumps and you shiver noticeably. Rey notices your body subtly shake and your face drops. Once she realizes what’s wrong, her face mimics yours. “He’s here isn’t he?” She whispers towards you.

His presence is strong in the Force, he can most likely sense that you and Rey are close by too.

“We need to go.” Your voice is shaking. You’re not afraid. Well, maybe a little bit. Not for your wellbeing, you know he wouldn’t hurt you. If you get captured, your children will be stuck with the Resistance.

Rey snaps her fingers in front of your face to get you out of your own head, “We need to come up with a plan. They’ll probably have troops guarding the Falcon. Should we fight our way there?”

Her voice is interrupted by the sound of the fighters flying above, then you hear a voice. It’s a stormtrooper. “Find any survivors and kill them. We’re looking for the two girls Ren wants.“ It must be a commander of some sort. “Move out.”

Your eyes go wide again when you hear the marching of the squad of stormtroopers moving closer. You grab Rey’s hand and begin running the opposite way, sliding quietly into a deserted street store.

You crouch behind a wooden food stand and Rey hides behind a wall parallel to you. You peek out from behind it to see the white armored legs of the troops walking by. There’s about ten of them. You both could possibly take them all out of you had better cover.

“Search the area. Don’t leave anything untouched.” One of them orders. They start to branch off in pairs. It’s like a game of hide and seek.

A pair begins to walk into the store you’re hiding in, you shuffle backward quietly to conceal yourself more underneath the rickety wooden stand. It creaks as your body slides underneath it. You silently curse yourself when their steps stop in front of the cart.

Rey’s lightsaber ignites behind them as she runs forward and pierces both of the troops through their torsos. They groan and go limp. The blue light disappears back into the hilt and their bodies fall to the floor in a heap. Your eyes are wide as you look up at Rey and she’s staring back at you with the same look.

Kylo’s close and she can feel it too. Your hands start to shake. Rey takes your hands into her own to calm you, “Let’s go.” She pulls you up from the ground. “Get your saber ready.” She whispers as she peeks out the entrance, looking both ways. “There are some troopers down at the end of the walkway.” She mumbles to you.

You barely heard her but you still follow her out. She jogs the opposite way, hopping into a small shack on the side when she sees troops coming around the corner.

“I think if we can go that way. We can get to the ship.” She points towards the archway that leads to the sandy dunes where the Falcon is. “Yeah. What if they’re surrounding it?” You ask.

A small pain gently thumps in the back of your head, you hiss as you grip your neck. Rey’s eyes look down at you, “Don’t let him in. He’s trying to reach out to you.” She grips your shoulders, “Stay strong.” She grabs your hand to pull you out of the building with her. She makes a run for the exit, sand kicks up behind her feet as you follow.

Dizziness starts to blur your vision and nausea rises in your throat as you stumble. “Rey....” You slur out as you trip over your own feet and face plant into the sand, unable to catch yourself. Rey screams your name and you use all your energy to pick your head up.

By what you can make out, she is running towards you until she lets out a yelp. You blink slowly to try and get your vision to clear but it’s getting worse. White blobs move into your vision and grab ahold of her. They surround you too.

“Let go of me!” Rey screams, her voice cracks as she thrashes. “Don’t hurt her!” She cries out as rough hands grab your wrists and pin them to your back.

A large black figure walks into your vision, it’s him. You let out a soft sob, not knowing if you’re sad or happy.

“You cannot corrupt her no longer, Kylo Ren. She’s stronger than you know.” Rey spits out at him.

“We’ll see.” He almost chuckles at her words, “Take her away.” He orders then turns around to look at you. You can faintly hear Rey screaming your name as she’s being pulled away. He bends down to your level to look into your eyes. “Let go of her. I’ll take it from here.” He stands up swiftly then replaces their hands with his warm ones.

When his skin touches yours, it feels like your senses come back to you. Your vision clears and you gasp in sharply. He slowly pulls you up to your feet, keeping your hands pinned behind your back. “I see that you’ve gotten your own saber.” He whispers in your ear. His deep voice sends shivers down your spine. He continues to push you forward from behind, “Our power together is indescribable and our children... We need to get them back.”

There’s no way you could go back to the Resistance now.

You gasp and sit up quickly, your eyes dart around as you take in your surroundings. You’re on the Falcon laying on one of the cots. “Rey?!” You scream out, your lips are dry from the sand and heat dehydrating you.

Her voice appears on the intercom, “Stars, I’m glad to see you’re awake.” Her thick accent soothes you. “I thought I lost you. We’re on our way back to the Resistance.”

You stand up from the bed, your vision darkens in the corners but you still power through it to make it to the cockpit. You walk in on her clicking some buttons before standing up, you’re in hyperspace. “What happened?” You breathe out.

Your dream felt so real. You really thought you have reunited with Kylo again.

“You were unconscious from the blast. I carried you all the way to the Falcon. It wasn’t easy.” She stands up then pulls you into a hug. “Come sit, come sit.” She leads you over the co-pilots seat.

You’re baffled. “I had the most realistic dream ever. We got captured by the First Order, Rey. I saw him. I saw Kylo.” You look at her with doe-like eyes.

“I’m sorry. I know you miss him.” Her hand rests on your shoulder and squeezes it gently. “Hopefully one day he’ll come around.” She plops down in her pilot's chair. It’s silent for a few moments before you talk again.

“I do... I miss him a lot, Rey. There are some days I want to see him so badly but sometimes, I just want to run away from it all.” You sigh, “I’m going to be connected to him for my lifetime. I had his children. I honestly thought he was changing for a moment.” You grumble.

Rey looks over at you a bit sadly, “You don’t have to be connected to him forever, you know. You can use the Force to block him out. Almost like putting a wall up.” She suggests with a shrug.

You don’t want to do that. You love him.

“Maybe.” You say under your breath, rolling your eyes without her seeing you.

“He was on Tatooine. I felt him but I got you out of there quick before anything else could happen.” She says proudly.

The mention of being so close to him and not being able to see him makes something inside of you uneasy.

You have to agree to see him even though your conscience is still thinking about what could happen if he did come to you.

“You okay?” Rey notices you spacing out and staring at the swirling colors of hyperspace. Her hand gently grabs yours which brings you back to reality.

Your eyes dart over to hers and you put on a fake smile, “Yeah I’m fine.” You laugh and shake your head. “Get some rest. We’ll be home soon.” Rey smoothes your hair back with her hand and you grow sleepy. Your head falls forward and bounces back up to rest against the seat to fall asleep.

The feeling of Rey’s hand grips your wrist and you wake up instantly. You take a deep breath as you open your eyes, the darkness outside startles you but you notice the trees. You’re back on the moon with the Resistance.

The ramp has already been opened and people are already unloading the supplies you brought. “We’re back.” Her voice is gentle as she unbuckles you and grabs your hands to help you stand.

You stumble for a second but another pair of hands catch you, “Poe...” You smile wide as you turn to see his face. His hands rise from your waist to cup your cheeks, bringing your lips to his.

Every time he kissed you, it felt perfect but for some reason, it feels different right now. You pull away after a few seconds to look at him, “Rey filled me in on what happened on the way here.” His thumb brushes against your sandy skin.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” One of his arms snake around your waist to help you off the ship. Chewy greets you immediately with a big roar, his furry arms steal you away from Poe’s side. The Wookiee picks you up and twirls you around happily. You giggle as he says something about you smelling weird.

“Tatooine is a sweaty planet. What can I do about it?” You look up at him once he sets you down. Chewy pats your head then lets Poe take his place to bring you to the showers.

Poe readies up the shower for you, hanging up your shower caddy that has all the soap in it. You disappear behind the curtain, closing it tight so you could shower in private. Poe sits outside on a chair, making small talk with you as you wash your body.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re quiet.” He stands up to move closer to the curtain, you see his boots standing outside. You let out a sigh, wishing you could spill everything to him about wanting to see Kylo again but of course you can’t tell him that.

Maybe you should invite Poe into the shower. No, you really shouldn’t. You haven’t been intimate with him yet and doing that with him now just to leave him later. Not a good look on your reputation.

“Yeah, I just hit my head really hard and it’s hurting. I just need to sleep.” You turn the water off once you’re done washing every crevice of your body. Your hand reaches out to grab the towel off the hook, bringing it into the shower to wrap it around your body.

His hand opens the curtain, a look of concern grows on your face. “What?” You ask as he stares at you. “There’s something else wrong.”

You groan and push past him as you ring out your hair, you grab the pile of your dirty clothes and start to walk out to go to your room. He follows close behind, “See? This is what I’m talking about. You don’t open up to me. How can we be in a relationship if you can’t talk to me?” He raises his voice at you which makes you turn on your heel to face him.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship.” You snap. The look of pain crosses his face which makes you instantly regret those words. You turn back around so you don’t have to face him, “You don’t mean that... Do you?” His voice cracks.

You don’t look at him, “I’m sorry.” You breathe out, “My life is a mess right now. I don’t know how I could possibly try to be in a relationship when I’m bonded to your enemy.” You sniffle then you turn your head to look behind you. He’s crying too. “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Poe. I just can’t do this right now.” You start walking forward, hot tears rolling down your cheeks. You turn down the hall your room is on.

When you’re out of sight, you press your back against the wall and silently cry into the back of your hand. A door opens up to your right and a random person peeks out, you’re still in your towel and water is dripping from your hair onto the floor.

He takes your appearance in, “You okay?” He asks which makes you wipe your tears away and nod. Obviously, you’re not.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Your voice croaks as you walk past them to get to your door and open it.

You lock it behind you then you look over your room, the bassinets are gone since they’re staying with Leia tonight so you can rest. It seems too empty. It’s lonely. You snatch the wrinkled pajamas out of your clothes bin to get dressed. You also grab your hairbrush to get the knots out of your hair before you lay down.

It’s been a rough day.

Water drips onto the roof of the ship, making a small rhythmic pattern that soothes you. Right as your body starts to fall asleep, everything around you goes silent.

Kylo’s here.

Your eyes shoot open and dart around in the darkness, your hand reaches out until you feel his leather glove touch your hand.

You let out a sigh of relief as you intertwine your fingers with his to pull him closer, “I know why you’re here. I’ve made up my mind, I want to see you.” You can feel his presence in front of you which makes you lean forward to rest your head against his armor.

His large hand pets your head and plays with your hair. Happiness his radiating from him but he isn’t showing it on the outside. “Tell me where you are. I’ll come to you.” His voice is soft but still raspy.

“Only on one condition...” Your arms snake around his hips to hold him in place, “You cannot bring anybody else with you. We can’t meet the base so I’ll find a meeting spot in the jungle where you can park your ship.” You mumble into his clothing.

“Jungle?” He questions as his hand lifts your face up by your chin, you can barely see the outline of his body. “Where are you, my love?”

The nickname sends chills across your skin, “Ajan Kloss. The moon.” You breathe out. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that but you’re desperate. It’s been too long since you have last seen him in person.

“Give me coordinates to your ‘meeting spot’ and I’ll come to you.” He leans down to capture your lips in his before he disappears. His solid form leaving you abruptly almost makes you topple over. “Fuck.” You curse at yourself.

You rest your elbows against your knees so you could put your face in your hands. Maybe you did the wrong thing but honestly, there’s a part of you that doesn’t care if he brings back up with him.

You love him so much. You don’t know how you’re going to react when you see him in person. It’s going to be overwhelming.

You lay back down under your blankets, tucking yourself into them so you could attempt to fall asleep again.

In the morning, you wake up bright and early. You pull your bed head into a top knot and get some clothes on that’ll keep you cool during the day. Not being able to see Poe today is going to be hard but you’ve made up your mind. You grab your saber and clip it to your belt.

When you step off the ship, it seems like everyone else is going to wake up much later than you. You realize it’s barely even bright outside yet. “I guess this gives me a chance to go find a spot.” You whisper to yourself.

Your eyes scan the cave, seeing a light on in the command center which makes you creep forward silently. It’s Poe, he’s working on something. You admire him from the shadows before you’re interrupted by Kaydel walking in to see him. She kisses him and clings onto his back like a baby monkey.

You feel a pang of jealousy in your chest even though you don’t deserve to feel that.

You make your presence evident as you walk up to the food area next to the command center to grab yourself a portion. You rip open the package with your teeth and take the pre-made muffin out to eat it.

You turn around to see them both staring at you, then Poe quickly averts his gaze but Kaydel gives you a dirty look before she kisses the back of his neck purposely.

You scoff and walk away towards the exit of the cave. You grab a map out of your back pocket, looking over the trees. You hold the muffin in your mouth as your finger drags across the paper. You spot an opening in the trees. It’s far but you can make it. You fold it back up and put it back into your pocket before you disappear into the foliage.

It’s muggy and buggy and hot. The wind is cool which helps with the sweat building up on your forehead. You’ll have to meet him at night when it’s cooler. You refuse to be this sweaty when you see him.

You see the sunlight passing through the trees and hitting the large empty patch of grass. It’s perfect.

Kylo’s ship would fit perfectly and he’s a good pilot. You notice that there are torches on the trees, obviously not lit because they’re old. Must’ve been from the old inhabitants of this moon. You open your map again to mark the coordinates down before you head back to the base.

When you get back, mostly everybody is up and working now. Some people glance at you as you emerge from the trees, you see Poe working on his X-wing with BB-8.

You need to talk to him about everything.

Your boots move quickly against the pavement as you make your way to him. You stop behind him, he knows it’s you.

“Poe. We need to talk.” Your voice is stern, he lets out a small laugh and doesn’t turn around to talk to you. “Seems like you got everything you needed to get out last night.” He grumbles.

You cross your arms over your chest, “I’m being serious, Dameron. We need to talk.”

He whips his head around and stands up tall which forces you to look up at him. “Listen, you broke my fucking heart. I know why too. It’s about him. It’s always going to be about him, always.” His voice raises slightly.

“It is going to be him. I have a bond with him like nobody else. He saved me when the Resistance left me. He showed me mercy when he wasn’t supposed to. I had his children, Poe.” You’re starting to get upset.

“But can’t you just co-parent from different planets? You don’t have to be his little ‘apprentice’ anymore. I want you to be mine, only mine. I fucking care for you. I’m always there for you. Where is he?” His voice cracks during the last words. Tears rush to your eyes, your bottom lip trembles.

His hands grip your hips as he pulls you close to smash your lips together. At first, you don’t want to do this but you can’t help yourself. Your fingers tangle themselves in his thick hair as his tongue gently slips past your bottom lip.

“Get a room.” Finn laughs as he walks by, some other crew members chuckle too and BB-8 makes a whistling sound.

You both quickly pull away from each other when you realize that there are other people around. Your face instantly flushes pink, you take a step back to widen the distance between you and him.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” Poe looks down at his feet, “It’s okay. Don’t be sorry.” You sheepishly mumble back. Poe hesitatingly reaches out to grab your hand, “I know you’re going through a lot. It’s difficult. I could only imagine how you torn you feel. If you don’t want a relationship right now, I get it. We can just be... friends.” He gives you a one-sided smile. You know that it hurt him to say that. “Maybe a little bit more.” He adds on with a chuckle, “Only if you want to, of course.”

He pulls you into a bear hug, his arms wrap around you and his chin rests on top of yours. You snuggle into his chest, taking in his scent, he goes to say something to you but it falls silent to your ears.

Oh no. It’s Kylo.

You quickly pull away from Poe, your head frantically turns and looks around for him. “The pilot... again?” His voice echoes in your head, “I know you’re lonely. I don’t blame you.” His voice is cold.

“I have to go.” You say to Poe and begin walking towards his voice.

“You haven’t gotten intimate with him, have you?” He probes your mind, “Ah, you haven’t.” He almost days proudly, you know he’s smirking.

“Where are you?” You whisper-yell out as you begin to search the base. “I’m not projecting myself through the Force. I’m just in your head.” His words halt your movement. Poe must’ve been following you because you can feel his hands go onto your shoulders.

“Give me the coordinates. I know you have them. I’ll come to you. Just me.” His voice is so persuasive. You squeeze your eyes shut and send the coordinates with your voice through the Force.

“Good girl.” Kylo grins, “I promise you. It’s only going to be me. I won’t break any of my promises to you. Ever.” He cuts the connection off.

You take a deep breath to center yourself back into reality. Poe’s strong hands are gently rubbing your shoulders in comfort, “Hey. Are you okay?” He says into your ear.

“No, I mean yes.” You shake your head and gulp. You turn around quickly and smash your lips against Poe’s, both of your hands are on his cheeks.

“Thank you for being you.” You whisper against his lips before pulling away again. You look into his puppy dog brown eyes before you run the opposite way towards the cave.

You dart between people, twirling out of the way so you wouldn’t hit them. You spot Leia with the twins, “Hey. I’m gonna take them okay? I miss them. Thanks!” You scoop them up from their little play-mat to position them on your hips.

Before Leia could say anything, you’re running the opposite way back to your room. You left too late to see what Leia says and she seems worried for you, “Somebody go keep an eye on her. Tell me wherever she goes.”

Well, that’s going to mess up your plans.

tags: @officiallpeterparker @funnysadshit @ymariejp @attorneyl @fangirl570 @trinityrud20 @kylos-sassy-cousin @delicatelyherdreams @fizzywoohoo @savvy7392 @angelias134 @that-girl-named-alex @cas-backwards-tie @glimmering-darling-dolly @glitterypinkkitty @blxkstar @his-snow-white-queen @elsasshole @smiithys @nanocoool @deathbyarabbit @alex-skr @theholycakehole @averillian @crazynocturnalkiki @arcanebabe @tinydancer40 @superduckypower @thomasscresswell @butterfly-writes @thatintrovertedbisexual @fangirlanotherjust @somekindofroger @nicci442 @little-girl-who-dream-too-much @wildest-dream- @silverlambcaptain @cliffordmess @xkylorxn @nickangel13 @carol-twinklefists-danvers @oopsiedoopsie23 @fandomshit6000 @baba-eina @cosmichellfire @ravngers @lowkeyofsassguard

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etherealhood · 5 years ago

Text

The Lucky One

author: @etherealhood

word count: 3,057

warnings: so fluffy, lil bit of angst if you squint

a/n: alright guys lemme just say that dad!calum is literally my favorite concept, so i was so compelled to write this! thank you to my favorite lady, @h0tsos for being an angel and letting me ruin her with some fluff! enjoy!

pairing: calum hood x reader

Getting comfortable when you’re seven months is probably the most unlikely thing to happen. But as she sat on the couch, her legs stretched out into her husband’s lap, his hands rubbing at her swollen feet while her little ones cuddled into her sides, she was practically thanking the heavens for giving her any kind of relief.

For the first time in weeks, she wasn’t cursing her husband for having such a high sex drive and being so adamantly against condoms. Right now, everything was so perfect. The love of her life was touching her so tenderly, her daughter’s head on her chest while her son laid his head on her stomach. Duke, their dog, slept soundfully on his bed in the corner of the room. She found her stomach fluttering at the idea of having another baby added to the equation in just a few short months.

With a content smile on her lips and her eyes on the movie that played on the television, she suddenly felt a rhythmic series of twitches coming from the top of her swollen stomach. A distinct jab was felt on her right side, close to where her daughter, Avalon’s tiny hand rested.

The little girl’s head snapped down towards the movement she felt before looking at her mother with wide eyes. The five year-old’s lips parted as she furrowed her eyebrows, looking just like her dad when he was confused. “Mommy?” Avalon’s worried voice prompted both Calum and their son, Niko, to look at the two girls.

“Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart.” Y/N said softly, running her fingers through Avalon’s long and curly hair. The little dog who’d been sleeping walked over to the little girl when he heard the distress in her voice, hoping to give her some comfort as he plopped down next to her, laying his head on her knee.

“Are you okay?” Avalon asked, biting her bottom lip nervously.

Before she could say anything else, another butterfly-in-the-stomach sensation jostled in her belly and this time Niko was just as confused as his twin. His brown eyes were swirling with a puzzled look and he sat up, no longer laying parallel to his mother’s body. “Did we hurt you, Mama?” He asked, his voice trembling. “Why’s your tummy moving?”

“No, I’m alright, babies.” Y/N cupped Niko’s cheek and stroked his cheekbone with her thumb, doing the same to her daughter. She looked from the innocent and concerned faces of her children to the knowing one of her husband. He smiled at her, an amused chuckle falling from his lips. She looked back to Avalon and Niko.

Calum cleared his throat before speaking, his little ones looking at their father for help. “That movement that you feel, it’s the baby in Mommy’s tummy. She’s kickin’ around in there.”

“Why? Does she not like Mommy?” Niko asked, tilting his head curiously.

Calum laughed once more and shook his head. “No, buddy. The baby loves Mommy, just like you, me, and Av do.” He kept his hand on his wife’s shin, his thumb subconsciously rubbing her smooth skin.

“Then why does she kick her?” Avalon spoke up, her hand pulled to her chest as she looked nervously at her mother’s stomach. “That’s not very nice.”

“She’s kicking because she’s happy. You know, she really likes when you talk to her.” Y/N explained, pressing the tips of her fingers around her belly to see if she could get a better feel of the kicks.

Niko raised an eyebrow, looking between his mother and father before whispering, “She can hear us?”

“Pretty cool, huh, Niko?” Calum asked with the biggest smile on his face. Niko’s own smile grew as he nodded. “Wanna see something?” He asked the twins, to which they eagerly nodded. Y/N had a feeling of what he wanted to show them so she turned to put her feet on the ground as her husband kneeled before her, Niko and Avalon watching from their seats on the couch.

Calum’s large hands went to her belly, his fingers lifting up her t-shirt to reveal his wife’s swollen stomach, her belly button poking out. Avalon giggled. “Look at Mama’s belly button!” Both of their children laughed at the silly little detail, making their parents smile fondly to themselves.

As he cupped her stomach with his large and warm hands, Calum’s wedding ring was cool against her skin. He looked up at the love of his life, his eyes on her face as she watched his hands on her stomach before looking back at him.

They shared a moment of silence between them. The sparkling look of devotion in their eyes saying something that simply didn’t need words to be conveyed. Her hands came down on top of his, her fingers lacing with his as he moved his hands up her stomach.

He leaned in to her body, his mouth inches away from her pregnant belly. All while keeping his eyes on hers, he began speaking to their child. “Hi, little one. It’s Daddy.” He said, immediately feeling the jostle of his daughter under his touch. The baby was big enough at this stage in her pregnancy that the baby’s kicking could be seen by the movement under her skin.

Y/N looked to her children and felt her heart swell as the awe that was etched across their nearly identical faces. From the day they were born, she’d been saying how glad she was that they looked so much like Calum. They were his carbon copies with their dark curls, their little noses, their brown eyes, and those heart-warming smiles that she had such a hard time saying ‘no’ to. She was hoping more than anything that the one residing inside of her would be just like the three people she loved most in the whole world.

“You know, your brother and sister are here, sweetheart. You gave them quite a scare when you started kicking Mama.” He chuckled, his happiness bursting from him at the kicks his unborn daughter made against his palms. “But I know that they’re so excited to meet you, they can’t wait for you to finally be here. And Mama and I can't wait to meet you. I love you, darling.”

“Can I say something, Daddy?” Niko asked, Calum nodding in return, moving away so his son could get close. He looked up at his mother, his brown eyes meeting hers as he set his hands on her tummy as Calum had been doing moments ago. She nodded encouragingly, giving him a gentle, reassuring smile.

He sighed before smiling to himself. “Hi, baby. I‘m Niko and I’m really excited to meet you. I’m gonna be the bestest big brother ever and I’ll share my toys with you all the time! I love you so much.” He said, tapping his fingers against his mom’s belly, feeling the baby’s feet move under his hand. He gasped and looked at Y/N. “That was so cool.”

“My turn!” Avalon exclaimed, slightly shoving her brother out of the way as she took his spot, putting her hands where his once were. As if she was realizing that she didn’t know what to do, she looked over at her father who was now holding Niko in his lap. She pouted, scrunching up her eyebrows and jutting out her lips like Calum had done many times before. “Daddy, I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Just introduce yourself and tell her you love her.” He suggested. “Say whatever you want.”

“Anything?” Avalon quirked an eyebrow.

Calum chuckled before nodding. “Anything.”

Avalon’s confident smile came back to her mouth, a fond gleam in her eyes as she looked at her mother’s stomach. “Okay, well, I’m Avalon. I like cookies and chicken nuggets, and I hope you do, too.” She said, her parents laughing at the unexpected things she said. They should’ve known that she’d say something like that, but in the moment, it was something they were not expecting. Their daughter continued on. “I’m gonna be your sister. And I love you already.”

Y/N felt her baby shift around again, her daughter beaming at the sight and feel. “You can kiss my belly if you want, my love.” Avalon leaned in and planted her lips on Y/N’s skin, leaving a bit of a slobbery kiss in her wake.

“Ooh! My turn!” Niko said, jumping off of Calum and onto the ground, getting on his knees. He left a sweet peck to the right of his mother’s belly button, genuinely surprised when he felt the unborn child kick up where he’d kissed. His eyes were wide and he laughed. “Whew. That was kinda scary, baby.”

“She did it because she loves you, Niko.” Y/N told him, smiling as he climbed back up on the couch and cuddled into her side. He wrapped his left arm around her front, leaning his head against her warm chest.

She felt her heart melt at how cuddly and sweet her little boy was. “I love you, Mama.”

“I love you, Niko. So so much.”

“Mommy, I love you, too.” Avalon whispered as she closed her eyes tiredly while laying against Calum’s chest.

Y/N planted a kiss on Avalon’s cheek. “I love you to the moon and back, Av.”

Niko tightened his hold on his mother as his eyes started drooping in exhaustion. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head as he yawned. “Come on, let’s get you two to bed.”

The family of four turned off the tv, Niko and Avalon in Calum’s arms as they all went up the stairs, their little dog hot on their heels. The parents took the twins to their room, laying them down in their separate beds. Calum kissed Avalon on the forehead, telling her how much he loved her before doing the same to Niko. Duke tiredly jumped up onto his bed, laying at his feet.

“Mommy, can we talk to the baby tomorrow?” Avalon’s sleepy voice asked. Y/N was sitting on the edge of her bed as she nodded, pushing a stray curl out her daughter’s face and behind her ear, cupping the child’s cheek in her palm.

“Only if you, Niko, and Daddy make me pancakes in the morning.” She whispered, relishing in the laugh that came from not only her daughter, but her husband as well. Avalon nodded and agreed to the deal. “Alright, get some sleep, Av.” Y/N gave Avalon a quick kiss on the nose before Calum grabbed her hand, helping her off the bed, the two of them walking towards the door and turning off the light.

Calum closed the door behind them and they made their way down the hall to their bedroom. Y/N pulled off her pajama shorts and her shirt before she crawled into bed, laying on her left side and waiting for Calum to lay down with her. She felt the bed dip behind her and his arm immediately wrapped around her body, one of his hands on her round stomach, tracing shapes on her skin. His body pressed against hers, his bare chest warm against her back and his legs tangled with hers.

“I can’t wait for you to have this baby.” He whispered, his stubbled chin scratching at the skin of her neck. She hummed and leaned back against him, her hand lacing with Calum’s on her tummy.

“Me too.” She sighed contently, closing her eyes. “You think the twins are excited?”

Calum smiled to himself, kissing his wife’s earlobe. “Definitely. They’re gonna be great with her.” His stomach fluttered at the thought of his growing family. He often found himself thinking how lucky he was to have found someone that he loved unconditionally.

Sometimes he’d just watch her and admire every little thing she was and every little thing she did. Because before her, he’d never been so infatuated with a single person. He never found himself with a rapid heart beat just at the sensation of lips slanting over his unless they were her lips. He never found himself with an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach when he had to pull away from a warm body in the morning unless it was her that had been pressed up against him all night. He was never left with goosebumps when fingertips gently grazed over his caramel skin unless it was her touch.

And sometimes he was so sure that his life was a dream. He was sure that he’d be woken up any minute and be drastically disappointed when he realized that he didn’t have his stunning partner laying her head over his heart as she slept or their beautiful children down the hall ready to raise some hell for the day. But then she touched him and anchored him back down into reality, reminding him that this was all real and that he was truly just that lucky.

Without her, without their family, he wasn’t sure where he’d be, who he’d be. Y/N, Avalon, and Niko were absolutely everything to him and he’d rather die than get a glimpse of what his life would have been like without them. So when he was woken up in the mornings to his look-alikes jumping on the bed and disturbing the serene moment that he and his wife shared, he wasn’t upset. He thanked whatever or whoever was listening for giving him absolutely everything he never knew he wanted.

With this in mind, he tightened his hold on Y/N, squeezing her hand and nuzzling his face into her shoulder. She stroked her thumb over his DSH tattoo, the metal of his silver bracelet cold against her skin. “You alright, baby?” She whispered, her voice sweet and full of genuine concern at him tensing up.

He was silent for a moment. “I never knew I could feel like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… I never want to let go of what we have. I’m so happy, Y/N. I’ve never been so happy. You and our babies make me so happy. I’m so scared that I’m gonna lose it one day.”

Y/N turned over, laying on her back as she looked up at Calum, who was now resting his head on his left hand. He looked down at her, his fingers moving towards her face to gently trail over her cheek, his thumb tracing her oh so soft lips. “You make us so happy, Cal. You know that, right?”

He licked his lips and frowned, shrugging in response. “I don’t know. I’m just not here all the time and sometimes I feel like you guys deserve better than me. Like you deserve a better man than me.” He mumbled, watching as his hand cupped her cheek.

Her hand went over his, her fingers wrapping around his. The wedding ring she wore on her left hand glistened, catching his eye. She turned her head and kissed the heel of his palm. “You are the man of my dreams and I know with all my heart that there will never be another man who can love us like you do.” She said, her voice lowering as she emphasized her next words. “Who could love me like you do. Calum, I love you so much that it’s impossible to even breathe when you’re not here.”

Calum’s eyes visibly watered at the words he knew to be true and he closed his eyes before he leaned into her, his forehead resting against hers, nose nuzzling with hers. His lips grazed over her own as he spoke. “I’m so in love with you.” He pressed his lips to hers, putting all of the devotion in his heart into the way he kissed her. He fell in love with the magical taste she left seeping into his skin. He kissed her and God, he swore he could taste the next sixty years of his life.

Y/N’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks, lightly tickling his cheeks. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder, her fingers combing through the silky curls in the back of his head. Her leg hooked over his waist, pulling him closer into her body—well as close as she could being 30 weeks pregnant. She pulled his lip between her teeth, making him utter a breathy groan from the back of his throat.

As he moved to hover over her, his hands pressing into the pillow on either side of her head, his stomach pressed to hers. He parted her mouth with his, before allowing their tongues to find one another. With his body pressed against hers, he suddenly felt a jostle beneath him, a movement from her stomach kicking him in the abdomen.

His lips pulled off of hers and he looked down between them where the kick had come from. With a laugh, he looked back up at his wife. She smiled brightly at him, her lips swollen as she parted, clearly breathless from his kiss. “I think she wants to say that she loves you, too, Cal.” She said to him.

“Well, I love her so much more.” He told her before moving down her body, laying next to her stomach. His hand pressed against her belly, to the right of her bulging belly button. “I can’t wait to meet you, Leia.”

“Leia?” Y/N asked, her fingers running through his hair, fingernails gently scratching at his scalp.

Calum smiled bashfully and nodded. “I think it suits her, don’t you?” She pulled him back up towards her and kissed him softly, her hand holding his strong jaw. He chuckled and looked unto her eyes fondly. “I’ll take that as a yes?” His brow raised in question.

“It’ll be a yes if you keep me warm all night long.” She teased him with a smirk, turning on her side once more. He agreed with yet another laugh and pressed his body back into hers, spooning her. His hand went to her stomach again and another kick pressed to his palm.

“That can be arranged, my love.” He whispered in her ear, kissing her bare shoulder. His wife was quick to fall asleep and all Calum was left to do was hold her, knowing he was the luckiest man alive.

thank you for reading! let me know what you thought?

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