#did they put shadow people demon things where I live

[takeyourcyanide]

I’m beginning to think that I live in a dollhouse of a world. I think it’s an experiment. How long until the one they created finally collapses under the failure that is supposed to be the guidance of real humans. Where is the real world? How do I get out? Are they the ones who are observing me closely? Is everyone around me just a prop for the experiment? Are they all in on it? Why post this on here? What happens if they know I’ve become aware? Will that all become a part of the experiment too? Was that the plan from the beginning? Are the people I interact with on here a part of it? Something’s just wrong and I could feel it since I woke up and days prior

Is this a glimpse into the real world? Real non involved people

[itsabouttimex2]

Hi, I wanted to say that I really liked reading your analyses when it comes to flaws in lmk's writing, along with the ranking of the villains that you did. I hope it's alright to ask for advice, since I'd like to make a romantic self insert story with Macaque, but the thing is that I'm worried on how to portray the platonic relationship between Sun Wukong and Macaque. While we still don't know entirety of how Macaque died in his fight with Wukong, I've already made decision to address both of their faults that caused their relationship's downfall. What I'm worried about is how to portray it clearly that it's both of their faults, without making them too OOC. Some fans have tendency to chose sides with their whole situation, which is something I'd like to avoid. But I'm not sure how to avoid that, which is why I'd like to ask for your advice on it.

Sun Wukong and Macaque

A Rundown on the Fallout

This is an interesting question, and thank you for asking! Given how much of their personal backstory is left to viewer interpretation, I’ve included a little bit of mine.

I think the big, big thing that people miss with the Sundial/Shadowpeach fallout is how severely uneven it is. But give me a minute to get there…

Probably the biggest of Past!Sun Wukong’s biggest issues is what I’m going to call “externalizing”. (This isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’m at a loss here) Wukong is bright and loud and happy- and very, very desperate for attention.

Sun Wukong’s literal first action in the world was to excitedly barrel towards a group of monkeys. His first words end with him asking plainly “Don’t ya like it?!” like a child begging for praise from a parent. He shows off to Subodhi’s other students. He eagerly tells a chaotic story to his sworn brothers and is implied to play it up to some degree for attention.

This is direct opposition to Macaque.

Past!Macaque is quiet, withdrawn. He has no ties to other people. He doesn’t pipe up. He’s not bold or confident. So what does Macaque do?

Well, just about jackshit. There’s only TWO members of the six-strong brotherhood that he actually shares interactions with- Sun Wukong and Peng.

Azure Lion? Yellowtusk? Demon Bull King? Macaque literally doesn’t interact with any of them even once. Nobody calls him brother. Flash to the modern day, and he’s the last person Azure bothers looking for.

He doesn’t joke, or tell stories, or try to bond with the rest of the crew. This is literally how he responds to being called a coward and a rodent by a “brother”.

By mildly frowning.

(Side note: WUKONG IS NOT IN THE WRONG FOR NOT DEFENDING MACAQUE FROM PENG. Macaque never went above a mild frown and never acted hurt or upset beyond this little facial expression. If he was sad ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) or seethingly angry ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) then it’s on Macaque and Macaque alone for not defending himself. Wukong is not his brother’s keeper, etc.)

(Macaque, even in the past, was a lot stronger than he’s often given credit for. Did this remark make him unhappy? Yes. Did it break or ruin him? No.)

He has no friends or ties to the past. No mentor and no fellows and no troop. No one likes him. No one wants him. No once cares about him… except for the Monkey King.

All he has is Sun Wukong.

So already they’re on this MASSIVELY unbalance scale where Wukong has a title and a troop and a heaping handful of immortalities and a band of brothers and a sacred weapon and a mountain and and and!!!

And… Macaque has… his shadow powers?

Yeah, they’re not on level footing. Wukong could pull out of the brotherhood and away from Macaque and throw down his staff and still have so, so much!

And Macaque, if he left Wukong, would have next to nothing.

Sun Wukong is his one good thing. His one star in a dark sky. Sun Wukong is all that Macaque has.

Already is this an EXTREMELY unhealthy dynamic, where you’re basically living for a second person without them putting that devotion back towards you-

Which is exactly what causes the downfall of this relationship.

Macaque doesn’t speak up for or against anything. He’s just willing to sit pretty and play along… because it’s for his one good thing.

Because it’s for Wukong.

Even if his brothers don’t like him, or he gets mocked, or he doesn’t want to play along, Macaque grits his teeth and stays- because it’s for Wukong.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

So he’ll do anything.

And that’s the problem.

The Monkey King isn’t asking him to shut up and play nice. Nor does he ask for blind loyalty. And he doesn’t ask his friend not to voice his concerns and fears.

Macaque is choosing to do these things.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

Macaque is choosing to “internalize” (again, this isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’ve set a precedent here) his thoughts and feelings.

Macaque pulls everything inside, and Sun Wukong pushes it all out.

The First Crack: Uneven Expectations

Macaque is not honest with his thoughts and feelings. He never actually expresses the way he feels to Wukong, which leads to the Monkey King never understanding his feelings. But you know what Macaque DOES do?

He gently and softly nudges the idea of maybe kinda I dunno potentially not taking over the entire Celestial Realm???

But he doesn’t say no.

Macaque never expresses himself or genuinely tries to talk Wukong out of overthrowing the Jade Emperor. He just hints at the idea and EXPECTS Wukong to pick up on his thoughts and wants without any real effort on his own part. He puts ALL of the onus onto Wukong to understand and reach out to him, without putting that amount of time and effort in himself.

Macaque wants to be understood without putting on the effort to be understandable, which isn’t fair to Wukong at all.

The Second Crack: Unfairly Divided Consequences

Wukong is solely punished for the crimes of six men, and left to rot while his sworn brothers run free.

(Quotes pulled from prior analysis)

Sun Wukong is trapped. For attempting to overthrow the Jade Emperor, he is sentenced to FIVE HUNDRED YEARS trapped under a mountain.

Let me elaborate for anyone who doesn't sympathize.

For the next five hundred years, Sun Wukong will be 75% immobile and alone under a nearly lightless mountain. There will be no noise, no stimulation, and no company. He will suffer in silence, and he will suffer alone.

But you know who ISN'T being punished for an attempt to overthrow the Jade Emperor?

Macaque.

Now, this is funny. Wukong leads a six strong band of brothers against the forces of the Celestial Realm, but only ONE of them faces consequences for the rebellion- himself.

Even five hundred years later when Wukong is set free and traveling with his fellow pilgrims...

No one else has faced consequences for the rebellion. All five of Wukong's "brothers" (Azure Lion, Peng, Demon Bull King, Yellowtusk, and yes, Macaque) get away scot-free to continue their plans and schemes.

I would be pissed. You would be pissed. There is not ONE SINGLE PERSON in this world that would NOT be pissed about how blatantly unfair this is.

(End Quote)

This is especially important if you read Azure Lion’s about Wukong “surrendering” as the truth (he is an unreliable narrator), then it’s likely his brothers were spared as a result of his surrender. And still, he’s all alone in this cavern, bored and uncomfortable and angry.

And probably very sad and lonely, too.

The Third Crack: Peach Symbolism

When Wukong wants to cheer Macaque up, what does he do?

Engage in snacking and physical affection that leaves the two snuggled up side by side on a sunny beach.

Seems like the Monkey King has a pretty good read on his best bud!

Now, how does Macaque repay the favor?

After an unknown period of time spent in the extensively explained condition above leaves Wukong angry and frustrated, Macaque comes by to-

Jam a peach into Wukong’s face and act like nothing is wrong at all.

Sun Wukong doesn’t want to pretend that nothing is wrong. He doesn’t want to act like everything is okay. He wants to be free.

But Macaque has put on an act this entire time. He’s played along and kept quiet and complacent and been “good”, and even now is he acting.

So he presents, of all fucking thing, a peach.

Sun Wukong likes peaches, yes. They’re likely a comfort food from a time long past, a constant in his long, long life.

(I bet that on Flower Fruit Mountain there’s a special strain untainted by the push of genetically-modified fruit that’s grown to be chock-full of sugar. I bet it’s his absolute favorite thing in the world to eat. I bet he shared it with the Pilgrims. I bet he wishes he could share it with them again. I bet.)

They’re a symbol of massive freedom- freedom from strife and pain and death.

And having that symbol presented to him so plainly and pretend-happily?

It’s just the final nail in his diminishing coffin of self-control.

The Fourth Crack: Wukong Lashes Out

So, as was unavoidable from the start of his imprisonment- Wukong snaps and rejects the peach, mocking Macaque for trying to cheer him up from a five-hundred year sentence with fruit and a false smile.

But he doesn’t stop there-

The Monkey King continues to castigate his best friend, blaming him for things that are the shoulderweights of six men.

Except he’s not really lashing out at Macaque directly- he’s just lashing out, and Macaque happens to be the nearest target.

There was bound to be a breakdown eventually. No matter how you look at this scenario, anyone would snap. There’s literally not even one person who wouldn’t break down eventually.

And then, Macaque lashes right back, and says something very interesting-

The Fifth Crack: Macaque Lies and Run Away

(Censored quotes taken from same analysis)

No, he didn't.

Macaque nudges the idea. He implies the idea. He hints it, quietly and softly.

"You're really going through with this?" Is not him shutting down the idea of fighting the Celestial Realm.

It's him being a coward and trying to dance around the issue without a direct confrontation.

Not even once does Macaque say: “We shouldn't fight the Jade Emperor."

He directly LIES to present himself as being the better person during this fight.

Macaque is lying to his best friend’s face to make himself look better in this utterly pointless argument, then prepares to run away and never comes back- but not before placing literally all of the blame for EVERYTHING onto Wukong’s shoulders.

(End quote)

Final Crack: YOU are responsible for MY behavior!

Finally, Macaque makes a few last “Nothing is ever MY fault!” statements to Wukong, consisting of:

“You dragged everyone else into this!”

“You put yourself here, not me!”

Which are BOTH blatantly untrue, given that

1. The Azure Lion is actually the one who started the Brotherhood in the first place

2. Macaque is a grown man who makes his own decisions

3. The rest of the Brotherhood are grown men who make their own decisions

4. Macaque went along with the plan willingly

5. The rest of the Brotherhood went along with the plan willingly

6. Everyone took part in the attempted rebellion of their own will and volition

Everyone is responsible for the end result, including Macaque who was there literally every step of the way, but he doesn’t want to accept that!

Macaque wants to be a perfect little victim who can wipe his hands of the matter, and who better to blame…

Then his “one good thing”, who is now utterly helpless and incapable of doing anything about it?

Macaque only finally lashes out and speaks up when there is literally no way to face recourse for it- which is proof of the cowardice lurking inside him.

There’s a big reason that Wukong calling him out for “running away” hits so hard and is what finally prompts Macaque into speaking up and tries to absolve himself of all blame.

Because Macaque knows that Wukong is right.

The first thing that Macaque does when things go wrong is to prioritize himself and run away. (Just remember how he responded to unleashing the Samadhi Fire.) Then, when all is said and past and it’s time to tell the tale, Macaque will whitewash himself- which he does blatantly in “Shadowplay”.

So when his gilded “one good thing” finally cracks the image Macaque built up by being a fallible person who stumbles and slips up and makes very human mistakes?

He abandons ship, and allows his flaws to start sliding out- now Macaque is “externalizing”, which he’ll continue to do to the present day- taking everything inside and putting it out- by projecting and slandering and lying and trying to hurt innocent people.

Essentially, Macaque puts his best friend on a pedestal and of his own will and volition plays the role of “lackey” for nothing in return without being asked, then ditches him over a fight and returns to a much unhealthier group of “friends”, while Sun Wukong is left to serve a lonely sentence as punishment. But because the Monkey King receives punishment and does his time, Wukong is allowed a chance at redemption under the loving and caring eye of his Master, Tang Sanzang, and manages to redeem himself, where his guilty brothers going free leads them to continually rack up crimes that leaves them on the receiving end of the pilgrims wrath.

Okay I’m tired now love you guys ❤️❤️

[sugar-grigri]

2. Protest: between the author's cynicism and the antagonist's emergence

Fujimoto once again tests you as a reader

Why? Because this chapter requires you to pay as much attention to the foreground as to the background

Yes, hello headache, but now I need you to follow me…….

First of all, I see it as cynicism. The only thing that would make me laugh is if I thought Fujimoto was teasing us.

How and why? Because the church in Chainsaw Man is us. Victims of CSM (who belong to the work), and young people, students who don't always have the right to vote, who come out of curiosity (the fans) fighting bloody battles against the communities.

Come on, Fujimoto follows the networks

Like his OS, but especially Just listen to the song, it's about the relationship between a work, its author and its audience.

I think Fujimoto relishes the debates and arguments on Twitter and other networks.

Fujimoto follows them as much as he suffers them, acclaimed by critics and his own, adored by his fans, he is also the target of threats and hatred.

Whether it's from those who hate his work or those who adore it but can't forgive him for making them suffer.

Fujimoto is as much a figure of protest as Chainsaw Man.

And he's there in the shadows like Denji

But it's not just a wink, and then we get more serious

The protest in the background is just as important as the foreground

Denji and Yoshida are shown as much as the crowd, with the cut-out swapping places between background and foreground. As if Fujimoto were placing them in the same position of importance.

Why ?

First of all, this chapter proves that NO, Yoshida is not up to the task of being the antagonist

who could be the antagonist then?

Where ? Who ? We're a bit confused... well yeah, it was easy to understand that Makima was the antagonist

Not only do we kind of forget that it wasn't that easy to know she was the antagonist, the revelation that she was a demon came very, very late, as did what she was really capable of doing

In CSM the real antagonist is present from the start, and then appears more clearly

Fujimoto likes to use this process to make his work chilling, to encourage you to reread while seeing the chapters take shape under a different light.

SO WHO'S THE ANTAGONIST?

Chainsaw man himself or, (confirming my theory again), Fake! ChainsawMan

To put it simply, since part 2, Fujimoto has shown that Chainsaw Man is controversial, both adored and feared.

This fear would naturally give rise to a Fake!Chainsaw Man demon, whose aim would be to increase its power by maximizing people's fear of Chainsaw Man.

Now let's take a step back. Nostradamus' prophecy is about to come true. Fami's goal is to prevent this apocalypse (for pizza). But this prophecy, as Yoshida knew about it and got in touch with Fami, shows that public safety is aware of the danger.

So why do we want Chainsaw Man to disappear? Would Public Security abandon humanity? Hardly imaginable.

I've given it some thought, and here's the plan as I imagine it.

An alliance has been formed between Fami and Public Security, to take control of Chainsaw Man. Not an absolute alliance, I imagine, but the two groups have common interests.

Both groups need a champion to face this apocalypse.

The fact is, Chainsaw Man is getting weaker.

Turning a demon into a hero who is close to humans means that part of the population no longer fears him, so his power falls proportionally.

Chainsaw Man can't face the apocalypse now.

The solution is to separate Chainsaw and Man. Literally.

When Yoshida invites Denji to live quietly, it's so that he can literally retire.

To make way for whom? Bingo. Fake!CSM

So why do they want CSM to disappear? Why so much emphasis on Haruka and the worship of Chainsaw Man's church?

Nothing creates greater fear than giving people a hero and then suddenly taking him away. We're back to another of CSM's key themes: necessary evil.

If, overnight, CSM no longer appeared to fight the demons, then the world would be in disarray. And fear would increase... giving power to the secretly chosen champion.

A champion... who only appears before dawn. At the very last moment.

The existence of Chainsaw Man leads to clashes, increased tensions and dissent.

His disappearance, meanwhile, will lead to a consensus: the despair of a humanity with no so-called protection.

Nostradamus' prophecy is not simply a prophecy announcing the apocalypse, but a plan that has been in front of us all along.

To be saved, humanity must descend into chaos.

If you want to better understand my theory about Fake!CSM :

[terry-perry]

This request will make sense if you've seen Friends so I hope you have (if not just delete).

So what if while they're broken up Alastor tries to win Y/N back by dedicating a love song to her during his radio show? But she calls during the song to explain the situation? I don't know how the scene will play into this imagine, maybe Charlie is hosting somehow?

Anyway thank you if you do it.

Taking Care Of Business

You were in the library packing up a few books to help tide you over while you stayed at Zestial's for the time being. You paused to give the room a once-over. What used to be where you felt the most at home was now the setting for the betrayal you went through not too long ago. Betrayed by the two people who meant the most to you and all you were to them was just a pawn to push them further with their goals.

Your mother gave you the space that you required to think about things, accepting that you needed to leave home until you were ready to talk to her. Alastor, on the other hand, was giving you anything but space. Case in point, another giant bouquet of your favorite flowers was sent to the manor. Another gift that went straight to the trash before you went back to packing.

You truly thought he was different from what everyone said about him. You believed time with Princess Charlie, her thoughts on redemption, and how kind and fiercely protective he was of the hotel residents kept him from doing such low, hurtful things, at least to someone whose intentions were pure like yours. You were naive in thinking a powerful and influential demon like Alastor could love you without wanting something out of the relationship. He was a commanding force with a captivating voice and everywhere he went he oozed power. You were just someone who lived under the shadow of your Overlord mother.

He loved your connection, not you.

"This next one goes out to Y/N Carmine,"

The mention of your name brought you back to reality. The music you were listening to on the library stereo as you packed was interrupted by a familiar chirpy voice.

"A special dedication from our very own Radio Demon!" Charlie continued to announce in her cheerful, empathetic voice as a piano softly began to play in the background. "Y/N, Alastor wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did, and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him."

After her words, you were greeted by Alastor's singing voice. Through the speakers, he delivered a beautiful serenade in French. It was none other than his rendition of La Vie en Rose, a song that was special to the two of you. It played at that jazz club you visited on the seedier side of the Pentagram. It was the first song you danced to and the one he used during a special broadcast where he proclaimed his love to you for the first time. Granted, he was tearing a soul apart at the same time, so tortured screams played in the background, but it was still the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for you.

You couldn't believe he was going this far to grab your attention.

Alastor continued to sing the ballad and play his piano. You must've been hearing him. You could get rid of any flowers and shiny trinkets he sent your way, but you had no choice but to listen to his broadcast, especially if all of Hell knew it was all meant for you.

Alastor peered over to Charlie sitting by the controls. The station received a call and upon answering he saw how her elated grin disappeared and was replaced by furrowed brows and a disappointed frown. No doubt it was yet another wayward sinner trying her patience. He was always entertained watching her squirm as she tried dealing with loathsome beings.

This was different, however, seeing as how after the call she signaled for him to stop his performance before she went to the microphone to announce something that put a strain on his smile:

"Uh, we just got a call from Y/N and she told us what happened. Alastor, maybe now's not the time to play your song and it's better to give Y/N some space."

[mask131]

I have a question about Greek Mythology, more specifically Hades.

What's the deal with Hades?

What was his original role in Greek mythology and religion, and how and when did the subsequent demonization happened?

Oh, and how correct is it the modern perception that he was "one of the nicest Greek gods"?

Oh a most interesting question indeed! I will try to be as simple and efficient as possible - but since people spend their entire lifetime dissecting this kind of topics I am bound to miss or oversimplify certain details. (I'll put this under a cut because it will be quite long!)

I. Basic stuff

So... In Greek mythology, Hades is one of the "three kings of the world" (not an official term! It is just a random denomination, the same way the Riordan books use "The Big Three"). The six first Olympians, born of Cronos and Rhea, were three sisters and three brothers - and after vanquishing the Titans, the three brothers split the world between them. Zeus had the sky, Poseidon the sea, Hades the underworld.

The role of Hades in Ancient Greek mythology/religion is that he was the ruler of the Underworld and the "king of the deads" so to speak. The underground realm where all the shades went after their physical death is his, and in fact it is often called "Hades" - showing the true connection between the two, since both the realm and the ruler share the same name, Hades the god being LITERALY the personification of the underworld. (I use "shades" because the concept of "souls" would come much later and mostly in philosophico-religious currents, by the old mythological texts the dead were "shades" or "shadows").

Hades main "role" or "function" in the greater scope of things is to maintain not the balance, but the divide between the livings and the dead. On one side, his job is to keep the dead in the Underworld and make sure they do not return or stay among the living. This is why he got VERY pissed off at Sisyphus for cheating death and returning among the living ; and this is why only the greatest and mightiest heroes could manage to bring back a soul from the Underworld (Orpheus, Dionysos). It is also why Hades' main threat, during the whole Persephone debacle, was to unleash the dead upon the world if he wasn't allowed to keep his wife: one thing to understand is that, in the mindset of Ancient Greek religion/mythology, death was not a nice thing. It was a scary and dirty thing - literaly. Death was seen as something impure, the shades of the dead were perceived as being frightening and horrifying. The gods absolutely HATE death and dead things (since you know, they are immortal) - and if the sight of the shades is mostly just unpleasant to them, if the dead returned to earth the humans would all perish in horror and fright upon merely seeing them. (I'm exaggerating a bit - but the Ancient Greeks did have an immense fear of dead spirits and what is beyond death, and so in their mythology going to the Underworld is always a horror movies and even the bravest men shiver in horror merely Upon seeing the shadows even of their loved ones. See Odysseus' journey to the Underworld, not a happy camping trip)

On the reverse, Hades job was also to prevent the living from accessing the Underworld - the living should stay with the living, the dead with the dead. This is why there are so many guardians around the Underworld - Charon, Cerberus and more. Not just to prevent souls escaping, but also to make sure no living being can come down there - hence why very frequently in hero legends a trip to the Underworld must happen at some point to prove their heroism (Herakles, Theseus, Odysseus, Orpheus and more). This clear-cut "isolationism" is part of why Hades very rarely leaves his realm - in fact almost never outside of important business (like snatching a girl out of a field as if she was the last orange juice bottle at a store). Because that's something that is needed to be established: Hades is and is not an Olympian. As in, Ancient Greeks did NOT recognize him as one of the Twelve Olympians, and Hades did not live on or even visited Mount Olympus - mostly because the Underworld is literaly the sort of opposite realm/opposite pole to the celestial, immortal Olympos. But he "was" an Olympian, as in during the Titanomachy he was one of the six gods who dwelled on Olympos and made it their "headquarters" for the war, and he was originally an "Olympian". And while he is not part of the Twelve Gods anymore, he is still one of the major gods of Greek mythology - as proven by one of his famous titles, "Chthonian Zeus". He is literaly the "dark twin" or "dark clone" of Zeus - both supreme masters over their respective realms, the sky and the underground, the up and the above, immortality and death.

If you want a more technical term to designate Hades' Olympian/notOlympian status, you can use Cronid, a term designating the children of Cronos.

II. Was Hades nice?

Now that the basis were laid down, I'll tackle your specific questions. What about the modern "Hades was the nicest god"? Well... it is a yes or no. It is important to fight off the "demonization" of Hades and to point out he was not an evil god. Depictions of Hades in the Disney Hercules movie or the remake of the Clash of Titans, depicting him as some sort of evil plotter out there to overthrow Zeus - that's deeply wrong. I'll return to the demonization later. Yes, Hades (unlike Zeus or Poseidon) wasn't a womanizer who went around sleeping with everything ; yes, Hades did not meddle with human businesses, caused wars or threw curses left and right ; yes, Hades always stuck to his word, and always respected the law, and just did his job and didn't bother anyone else with it. And that, indeed, makes him much more positive than what we usually think of him as. However! Positive does not mean "nice". Hades was FAR from being a "nice" or "benevolent" god.

The thing with Hades is that he is neutral. A neutral entity, in all that it entails. As a result yes he is "positive", as much as neutrality can be. But the key trait of Hades is that he is what you would call today "heartless" ; or rather "flint-hearted" to take more ancient poetic imagery. Hades always stick to his word and to the rules and just does his job and duty, true... But he is also an extremely stern, austere authority figure who never allows for any nuance or compromise (the fact the whole Persephone deal could even be settled by a compromise is like a big WOW!). Hades does not have pity or compassion for people. He is not moved by tears, by cries, by begging, by anything. If he felt pity every time someone begged him to release a dead back to the living, well he wouldn't do his job anymore so to speak. Hades is a cold and uncaring figure in many ways: the whole reason Orpheus' plea to Hades is remembered as the peak of his legend, is because Orpheus managed to MOVE Hades. He managed, with his magic and emotion, to touch Hades' heart, something that NEVER happened before and that no other mortal ever did. This is VERY important. Hades embodies the cosmic rule of "the dead are dead, and the living are the living, and that's it." In a sense he is a form of cosmic balance and justice who maintains the world in order ; but to human eyes, he is still an unfair oppressor who enacts and defends the principle of death in all that is unfair to our mortals' eyes. This is part of the complex beauty of the Persephone legend: you have Demeter and Hades, life and death, battling over the young girl (who embodies all young people), and both are in the right and both are in the wrong. Because Hades stands by a stern, cosmic point of view: what belongs to the dead belongs to the dead, there's no return and no use in obsessing over what is gone. But Demeter stands by a human point of view: she is a mother who saw her young child being taken by an early and unpredicted death, and she tries her best to mourn and return her daughter to her.

Another thing people tend to forget is that Hades is not a joyful or humoristic or enjoyable god to be around. There's a lot of takes of Hades as a, I don't know, shy little thing or joyful person. But Hades was in the image of his realm. A cold, dark, damp place devoid of laughter or smiles or light. Nobody is happy in the Underworld in the sense we understand it. Yes the Greek Underworld has the Elysian Fields, which is the Ancient Greek equivalent of Paradise - but it also has Tartaros, the Ancient Greek equivalent of Hell. And here's the thing... The Elysian Fields and Tartarus are not the "regular" Underworld. They are extremes and special cases. The Elysian Fields are only for mighty heroes - and heroes are not your regular Joe, and they are above regular humans. Tartaros is for those that perosnally offended the gods, and again this is not an everyday occurence. Regular people, be them good or bad, rich or powerful, famed or unknown, ended up in an Underworld that people describe mostly today as the "Asphodean Fields". Just... a life of endless wandering and awaiting. As shades, living shadows without any body (and thus without any need or desire). They don't even have a voice - one must bring them blood sacrifice for them to speak again - and they sometimes don't have memories thanks to the whole Lethe deal. This is just... the very typical Antique conception of the drab and dreary underworld that you find back from Hel's realm to Ereshkigal's domain. A place of shadows and silence, or forgetfulness and endless, meaningless wandering, a place without punishment or reward, just to keep what doesn't live anymore. "All equal in death", but this equality is not pleasant. And thus Hades himself is not pleasant. Heck, one of his epithets, Agelastos, was tied to the concept of "melancholy", and another, Stygeros, means "horrible".

While Hades seems to a modern audience much more pleasant and decent due to his role (or non-role) in myths compared to other deities, we have to remember how the Ancient Greeks themselves considered him. And the Ancient Greeks DREADED Hades. They feared him - one had to avoid calling him directly by his name (hence his numerous nicknames, often pleasant in the old apotropaic logic of calling negative entities by nice names not to anger them - like the Erynies becoming the Eumenides, the "kind ones". Similarly Hades was "The Rich One", "The Host of Many", "the Chthonian Zeus", all names based on his traits but twisted in a way that sounds more pleasant). Hades was at the core of Ancient Greek superstitions because there was the belief that attracting Hades' attention would cause one to have an early death, or to be "welcomed" too early in his realm. You know, it is the old logic of "death calls for death", "since death is a soilure, it can corrupt the living who interact too much with it", "if the god of the dead pays too much attention to you, he might send his underlings go get you". And while Hades was dreaded, his underlings were EVEN MORE SO (Hades wasn't the god of death per se... but he was the god who could boss around the personification of death, Thanatos, and he had "hired" numerous primordial monsters, such as Cerberus).

So while Hades was more positive than, let's say Ares or Hera in mythologies... It doesn't mean he was liked or perceived as a jolly good fellow. The most accurate thing we can say is that Hades was a lot like Hestia: the most neutral of the "Olympians". But "neutral" doesn't mean "good", "nice" or "pleasant"...

III. The demonization of Hades

Now that I took down the recent "moeification" of Hades, I do need to talk about his demonization, since you asked. Hades might have not been a pleasant guy or a good guy, he was dreaded and hated by the Ancient Greeks, and by extension the other gods were known to be uneasy with him or not particularly wishing to interact... But there was a big demonization inflicted upon him that clearly turned him into an evil caricature of what was just a scary neutral big force of the dark side of the world.

When did it start? I would guess with Christianity. And it isn't just how Christianity, when it came to the Greco-Roman world, slowly started taking actual deities and turned them into devils and demons (the most famous example being Pan and the satyrs who provided most of the devilish imageries of the Middle-Ages). You see, one key element must be taken into account: Bible translations. One of the most famous and spread out Bible translations was the Greek one, and the Greek translation used the term "Hades" quite regularly - to designate very negative and unpleasant death-places like the Sheol or the Gehenna, that would later become the Christian Hell. A Hell typically called "Hades" in Greek - clearly divided from the Heaven/Paradise of God and angels. And this would be the start of Christian culture assimilating Hades with the devil, demons, and the torments of the dead.

This religious confusion still exists today in many countries with a dominant Christian culture. For example, in France there is this famous linguistic complexity. French languag does not have a single world for "underworld" as the English have - or rather they are, but they are not commonly used. So in common language, the mythical underworlds of various cultures are designated by "enfer"... a world which means "hell", in the Christian sense of the term. Which always forces people to explain "Greek Hell wasn't Christian Hell". In fact, the tacit rule is that to designate the Christian Hell, you must use "l'enfer", singular, while for a mythical underworld you must use "les enfers", in plural. But it is still very, very confusing.

And so, through Christianity, Bible translations, demonization of Greek principles, etc etc, we ended up with stuff like the Disney Hercules movie, whose original concept-art for Hades was literaly just the Christian "red horned devil living in flames":

IV. The technical details

Now this post is already a bit long so I'll move on to the last thing you specifically asked - origins and religion. (Because so far I speak mostly of mythology or broad point of views)

Hades did have a cult and worship, since he was one of the main gods of Ancient Greece. But it was a careful worship, due to the superstitions I evoked above. For example you did sacrifices to Hades, of black-colored animals whose blood was thrown on the ground or in a pit - but by avoiding looking at Hades' faces (well his statue's). You could praise Hades, pray him or call for him, even banging the earth with your hands to make sure he heard you - but you avoided saying his name, and you certainly did NOT use his name for oaths.

Mind you Hades HAD a worship... but not a big one. In fact, his sanctuaries and temples were so rare in Ancient Greece that a scholia of the Iliad went as far as to claim there were none at all and Hades was a cult-less god. Pausanias did note that the only place where he knew of a real cult of Hades was the Peloponesse city of Elis, where Hades had a temple opened only once a year, to welcome Hades' priest and him only, and then it was closed for another year ; but he evoked other cults he heard about elsewhere, and Strabo did mention an Hades worship at another Peloponese city, Hermione. Though, again, reports are conflicting - some authors claiming Hades had libations of the blood of black sheep and bulls, others like Euripides saying Hades never had any libation... And we do know of some "peasant ritual" or "agrarian superstitions" where before sowing a field, the farmer had to call and pray to the Chthonian Zeus (aka Hades). That was because Hades, as the master of the underworld, also was seen as having ownership and influence over everything located below ground - be it the grain under the soil, or the various metals and stones dug out of mines. This is why his most famous and common epithet was "Plouton", "The Rich One, "The Wealthy One" - and also why Hades got involved with Demeter, as the Persephone myth can be read in an agrarian angle (Demeter is the life-force force of plants and the goddess of harvest and crops ; Hades is the one who keeps the grains under the earth until they grow out of the surface).

Finally, Hades' name is written in Ancient Greek "Aides", or variations "Aidos, Aidoneus", which is commonly agreed to etymologically mean "The Unseen One". A good reflection of Hades as the master of all the things located beyond life (afterlife) and below earth (underworld), associated with darkness and shadows and the things you SHOULD NOT SEE. Plus there's how, during the early Titanomachy, of the Cyclops' three gifts, Hades received a "helmet of invisibility" that prevented anybody from seeing him.

[my-drama-heart2406]

Okay everyone, so here's my piece on the "Han Daon is Satan" issue. And I stand... on affirmative.

So I'd like to take credit and say that I called it(I'll tell you why), but then I wasn't sure of myself and somebody else did call it on Tumblr so...

But here's my pov. Han Daon being Satan would actually make a lot of sense. Does it raise a lot of questions? Ofcourse, but none that can't be answered.

So while everyone started talking about this since the recent episodes, I got the idea of Daon being Satan wayyy back in ep 5, when Daon barged into that demons comittee meeting. See Daon is VERY SMART. But when he was told the Satan and Kylum fairytale story he acted completely clueless as if he didn't understand a word the other demon said. Which seemed kinda odd. The point that hit was that all of this supposedly happened 26 yrs ago. Daon's family was killed in 1999, 25 yrs ago. Suspicious 🧐.

And I thought hey wouldn't it be fun if Daon was actually Satan? It would be so ironic that Satan is standing, openly chilling in a meeting about where and how to find him. But then I blamed my twisted brain for making up all this bullshit. Turns out it wasn't bullshit, because apparently everyone was thinking the same thing.

Which brings us to our first question how did Satan get into Daon's body? Which can be answered very easily. We see from Daon's perspective many times, the serial killer walking towards him, his shadow looming over Daon's little form, we never see after that. Now we've seen and known lot's of stories where the serial killer leaves a victim alive to pass down the trauma. But considering that he killed Daon's parents and brother, he didn't have any reason NOT to kill Daon too. So what if he did? What if Daon was killed too? What if Satan was roaming around looking for a body and saw this boy and his family getting murdered and chose to inhabit him? Like @musings-of-a-kjdrama-addict said in her post, what if the narrative from our ML's perspective is already flawed?

But going by Daon's priorities, he had followed Bitna there because he suspected her of murder and wanted to get evidence, or at the very least get some info about her. Which then became obvious that it wasn't going to happen because 1: all the demons over there were meeting Bitna/Justitia for the first time. And 2: Justitia introduced him as "Poppy", her driver, also a demon. So when Bitna tells him to go back, he doesn't have any reason not to, instead of maybe just to rile Bitna.

Watching n no. of dramas has made it clear to me that writers don't do anything reasonlessly. So the whole purpose of the ML to be there just to see a side character demon, who has around 5 min screen time, cry to later making it an arc about another character(arong killing demons who feel) seems... strange.

Ofcourse there's the question of Daon's strength. If he's a demon, Satan at that, shouldn't he be strong like all other demons or infact stronger? Who knows, maybe he is, but after living in a human body he's learnt to control it? Now, using simple human strength is like normal nature to him? Or maybe, and this is more probable, he doesn't have demonic strength. See the other demons were all sent to earth, on missions. Officially, as demons. But Satan fled from hell. Maybe the rules change when a demon leaves hell of their own volition. Maybe that's why he stole the kylum. We are told that with the help of the kylum someone can become immortal even in a human body. But there's no shortage of dead people, and seeing that Satan is on the run, he can just escape from one dead body to another and keep living. (Ofcourse it would be very difficult to find one as gorgeous as Han Daon)

Ofcourse a lot of guesses for Satan was Arong, but she already had a reveal with a twist. The writers won't put 2 big reveals on the same side character. I read in a post that maybe the Assemblyman is Satan. Which is okay but... Given the demonstration of demons in this show, wouldn't Satan be someone cool and hot? Also logically Satan fled from hell 26 yrs ago, the Assemblyman would have already been in late 30s or early 40s by that time. Seeing that Satan had lost the Kylum why would he choose to inhabit a middle aged man? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to choose a child so he can live for a longer time, and so would have more time to find Kylum?

Now on how he remembers his childhood? Maybe the conditions are different for Satan than other demons. Maybe he can remember the memories of the human body before death.

As far as detectives are concerned the main highlight is on 2 of them: Han Daon and Kim So Young. Kim So Young is the perfect role model detective. She's smart, intuitive, patient, doesn't lose her calm, and she wants to help people. Daon has all these characteristics too, except he's much more extreme. A thing that stood out to me since the beginning of the show is Daon's intense need for doing the right thing. To make sure that perpetrators are caught and criminals are punished for their crimes. He goes out of his way to make sure that the victims are protected. He hid under the bed of the murderer to catch Bitna, he made a scene in court and made everyone listen to the recording when it wasn't admitted as evidence. He loses his calm so many times infront of the criminals. He's so hell bent on punishing bad guys that he told So Young that sometimes he actually wants to kill these people.

While these can be simple human charactersistics, you know who else is also hell bent on punishing criminals? Justitia. A demon from hell.

Imagine the no 1 authority in hell, who'd want to punish criminals more than him? But then he's on earth in the body of a small child. And he couldn't even help to catch the psycho murderer because he was a child, because no one would listen to him. So he grew up learning and perfecting ways to punish criminals. Lawfully. And then comes another demon from hell, here to punish criminals and then she openly mocks those laws that he abided by and wanted to uphold, just to punish the criminals in the perfectly deserving way that he had wanted to do for so long. Which is why he's so he'll bent on catching her.

And there shouldn't be any argument about his very human emotions. It took Justitia only a few months to fall in love. We see even other demon who've stayed on earth for a few years develop human emotions. So it isn't surprising at all if he's very human after 25 yrs on earth.

And lastly remains the matter of the cross. Honestly if this is your only argument against Daon being Satan, it is a very weak one. It can be entirely intentional of the writers to keep it there to deviate us from thinking that Daon is Satan. And when we see Daon initially, he's not wearing the cross, it's hanging from the rearview mirror in his truck. And when Justitia asks him if he's religious he deflects the question and changes the topic. He starts wearing the cross only because he could use it against her.

Also Daon being Satan would save the story, in a way. Because how do you see this ending. The logical one would be Justitia finishes her mission and goes back to hell, and Daon continues being a detective. Wouldn't the story make more sense if Daon is Satan. Satan's introduction was Arong telling Bitna about him and saying that if a demon catches him he would surely be rewarded by Bael. We see Justitia willing to merge hell and heaven for Daon. It would be the paradox of the century if it turns out that he's Satan and now she has to turn against all of hell to protect him.

Like I said Daon being Satan would explain a lot of things. Like how he has this insane unhumanly amount of rizz.

Or Daon is human, and I could be completely wrong and this could be just my twisted brain not being able to wait for the next episode and ranting on Tumblr when I should be studying.

[generalpalacefishgoop]

More Tina demon lore with Em!

5 February 2024

Twitch VOD ID : 2054734389

08:52:53 - 09:09:00

[Transcript]

Em :"wait, does mamae know you are...yk”

Tina :”What? A what? My child? What? What?You mean like? – No…And- and that's OK. There's no reason. There's no reason for that to be a thing. You know what I mean? It's gonna be alright.” 

Em :”eomma o-o”

Tina :”What's the matter? It'll be fine... Everything's going to be OK... Things are steady. This is good. This is fresh. We're far away from the- 

Em :”I won’t tell her if you don’t want that”

Tina :”We're lock boxes. And we throw away the key. Not to put that burden on you. Listen, that's why I didn't want you to know in the 1st place, you know. You're too young. But of course. Your other mom. Mousington. You know, she's- she's bold and brave, so she- she loves to talk about it. Dare I say it was her that wrote the book and put it on that bookshelf! That rapscallion.” 

Em :”I don’t get why you hate it…uncle Bad and mami are awesome”

Tina :”Well. There's no way you're saying this about- about- about Bad, though. I mean, you know. 

Em :*starts hitting Tina*

Tina :”Listen, SoulFire. That guy was a menace, OK? Listen, I'll still rep soul fire till the day I die.”

Em :”HE IS MY FAV UNCLE”

Tina :”Listen, he's one of my favorite people too, to be clear. He's given me a lot of stuff.”

Em :*falling into pieces emote* “Is that all he is to all of you?”

Tina :”No, but of course not. Well, this was before your time, but there were moments where I would be doing things just as I usually do in the middle of the night, and he would always be there. Always listening, always watching like a shadow in the night. If I needed Scorchia, he was there. If I needed Mending. He was there weirdly, without a word being spoken, he just knew.”

Em :”so like a friend”

Tina :”-And little did I know back then, I didn't know better than to make a deal with the devil, you know? But I did it anyways.” 

Em :”what”

Tina :”Back then, we had an arrangement. A breakfast arrangement. It's kind of funny that you're my child now and you have pancakes on your head, but I would make him breakfast a lot. Um- for stuff. So, it was a fair trade. Some would say. It was a fair trade fair. It was fair. It was good. It was fine.”

Em :”so you had a deal? Not friends”

Tina :”I mean, we're- we're friends. And you know, in purgatory, he was very helpful, very helpful. He was good. He was like a rabid dog that hadn't eaten in days. One of the most blood hungry people I've ever met in my life. But if that's your favorite uncle, I mean, by all means, that's totally ok, you know, like, but that's- that's just how. Demons can be, you know, It's just, it's like, you know? Well, you could ask your mom about it. He made her team a living hell.”

Em :”after him is Tubbo and Pac :D”

==================

Afterwards, Em asks Tina about how is hell like.

Em :”how is hell? :O”

Tina :”Don't worry about it, it's fine. It's listen…, it's um…let me think. Let me think about it. Hmm. It's-It's like a Walmart, you know, like you could go, but like, why would you? You know, there's other options. You know what I mean? Like, just stay up here. It's nice, it's safe. Like-it's a fun time. The flames are like those really annoying fluorescent lights. And there's just screams and it's- it's very overstimulating.”

[mikuyuuss]

i still think about your older post about female demon slayer character designs 😭 i go back to it a lot and it has made me put deeper thought into how intentional the design choices are in gotouge's part. i wanna know if you have any other thoughts on the design choices of the other characters??

Omg sorry the delay. Idk why I wasn't notified of this but I'm glad u liked my old posts, even if the writing is kinda messy and all over the place, pls forgive me (I still do stand by a lot of my thoughts on it, if you can look pass the grammar errors)

I'm not sure if I can still make another detailed analysis for all of them, I did the girls before since there's only four of them, so its easier (and then giyuu just because XD) but I do think Gotouge did a great job with all of them. The hashiras definitely stood out to me, and I'll try to summarize.

I like that they are all wearing very customized uniforms. It really shows they they are a unit while still being unique individuals. I know some people found their designs kinda ridiculous and weird at first, but I think Gotouge simply took the classic "Almighty student council" trope in anime where a group of people within an organization are so powerful and above the rules, that they can be as weird as they want. I think Gotouge applied that trope to the hashiras, and dialed it up to show how strong and unique each of them are.

I think it works for them. It adds to their charm. In kny, we rarely see the characters doing things outside of demon slaying, so giving them over the top designs and breathing styles, help give us a little glimpse into what kind of the person they are and what we think their hobbies could be.

If you just look at Uzui's design, you already get the vibe that he's someone who enjoys fireworks and explosions (and he does!) He even has nail polish on his nails, which shows that Uzui takes good care of his looks and is stylish, maybe his wives even paint it for him! He used to be a Shinobi, someone who has to live in the shadows, but everything about his design is loud and screaming, which really tells us about how sick he is of his former lifestyle.

With Muichiro it's hard to pinpoint, because there's a sense of mystery to him. Everything about his clothes and his hair is plain and loose. The way his hair moves sometimes covers obscures his face, which very much matches his mist breathing. It's all intentional! It shows how Muichiro didn't fully know himself.

With Himejima he has a very top heavy design to show how strong he is and to match with stone breathing, he has very earth colors. I do like that the scar on his forehead is horizontal, bc horizontal motif expresses stability and it could imply his gentler nature, which is why it's no surprise when we learned that he's into cats, and cares for children.

With Sanemi, everything about him is rugged. His scars are mostly diagonal, even the belts on his ankles are diagonal. He doesn't seem like someone who cares about aesthetics. He just wants to show how angry (and hot) he is. His overall design isn't that colorful either, except for a few hints of green. I like that green is mostly a calm color yet used for someone aggressive like Sanemi, maybe this could imply his hidden kindness? Also LOVE the design of his swordguard, the little spikes forming a pinwheel! It adds a little playfulness to his otherwise angry design.

With Rengoku, he is ketchup mustard, guy fieri aesthetic from head to toe. Everything about his design is super straight forward which matches his direct, honest and extroverted personality. I also feel that red and flame motifs are things that are very much favored in shounen media. Either that, or green to which red and green are complimentary colors, so it makes sense why his relationship with Tanjiro ended up being so important. The moment I saw Rengoku I knew he was going to be especially important bc of his design.

With Obanai, the stripes really compliment the socks he gave Mitsuri, which already shows their connection. Most people are already aware about the stripes on Obanai's haori and how it relates to his backstory, so I won't go over that anymore. I like the how Mitsuri has thin stripes vs Obanai's bold stripes. It shows the contrast between them with how Mitsuri is sweet yet physically strong, while Obanai is not as strong but has a more aggressive personality. Vertical stripes are often associated with prisoners and social misfits, which is a motif that is very fitting for him and Mitsuri.

I recently learned in fashion school the saying that "A good design should serve its purpose." It's less about whether it looks good or not, that's subjective. As long as there's clear aesthetic that serves its purpose (expressing the characters) it's already good fashion, so kny characters are stylish af /jk/lh

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Creepypasta As DanAndPhilGAMES Quotes After The Revival

Toby: I’ve graduated into fuckland

Jeff: just stop speaking

Toby: okay

Toby: soft launching the gay

Jeff: I’m gonna hard launch you out of that window

Liu: know what I mean?

Jeff: no

Jeff: is it hard for you to speak sometimes

Lyra: did that work

Jeff: not really

Lyra: I tried really hard

Jeff: what is the most emo clothing we got here

Jeff: my brother, WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE

Lyra: look at this magnificent bitch

Brian: communities that shit together stay together

Jeff: I will try to be normal

Tim: where’s your mind at

Toby: where’s your mom at

Toby: and now I’m wet in this suit

Lyra: uhhhhhhhhhh

Lyra: you pissed?

Toby: I’m gonna stop breathing

Jeff: thank you, Toby, that’s a good volunteer

Ben: maybe they got struck by lightning

Jeff: where was the lightning bitch

Ben: I’m gonna haunt every generation of your family

Tim: should we take it in turns with the swinging?

Tim: that’s what someone’s mom said last night

Game: it’s been a long day

Liu, to Jeff: me sitting next to you

Brian: I’m grabbing my boobs

Sally: is it an alien or Squidward? What are we being chased by?

Sally: it’s hard for me to tell

Liu: THATS THE SHADOW OF THE ROSE ITS NOT A DEMON

Jeff: if that baby comes out I’m gonna kill you

Toby: I’d like that

Toby: you know what they say about big feet

Lyra: what

Toby: big socks

Lyra: okay

Jeff: half an hour montage of Tobias Rogers attempting to learn how to put on a cape

Toby: can you help

Jeff: no

Toby: and then I just saw some lightning happening in the microwave and thought “what a beautiful night for a thunderstorm”

Sally: I don’t do drugs I don’t know what grams are

Lyra: im hot I don’t know how to count

Jeff: maybe I am heaven

Sally, pointing at plastic spiders: that’s Ben. That’s Ben 2. That’s Ben 3

Liu: I’m gonna give us a solid 7/10 on that one

Jeff: just a seven? Are you fucking kidding me

Liu: I was being humble

Jeff: fuck humble

Jeff: do you ever reflect on our lives and just think… stop

Liu: yeah all the time

Tim: I wanna fuck the Eiffel tower

Jeff: dead people in France

Liu: STOP IT

Ben: im gonna hit you with a meteor

Sally: im gonna microwave you

Toby: can I just show you something

Jeff: is it a dead person in France

Jeff: im in my cougar era. Watch out twinks, Jeff is on the prowl

Lyra: I wanna do things to this house

Liu, through his teeth: what do you want to do to the house, Lyra?

Liu, through his teeth: respect the house, Lyra

Jeff: what happens when you tap the emo dragon

Liu: you want me to tap it?

Jeff: yeah

Liu: *taps dragon*

*g note plays*

Jeff: that’s damn right

Ben: I do not think playing this game is how Christ would want us to start his season but here we are

Jeff: but Santa would and so would his brother, Satan

Ben: okay

Jeff: I don’t own any sex toys that go chomp chomp

Jeff: but nice to know that you do

Jeff: I’d say Jesus Christ but I know he’s not listening right now

Toby: five strokes and you’re done

Jeff: that’s what they call me. Five strokes Jeffy

Jeff: who’s they? What am I saying?

*trying to figure out what lmb stands for*

Jeff: lobotomy maybe bestie

Toby: look mate… BITCH

Jeff: it’s making you more intelligent that’s why you’re winning at golf

Jeff: we finally found a way to fix you

Sally: you’re banned from friendship

Ben: this is a safe space

*literally five minutes later*

Ben: point at the guy who doesn’t know how to crouch

Lyra: I would like you all to tell me how I can be better at this game

Ben: um don’t walk down hole

Lyra: okay

*playing Lethal Company*

Jeff: Ben’s not here let’s have a party

Ben: please get back on the ship or I’ll be leaving without you

Jeff: we thought we found a wheel. It was a mine

Jeff: they’re both fucking dead as fuck

Ben, laughing: good job

Jeff: Tim, you’re a top bunk kinda guy right?

Tim: that’s not what Tumblr says

Jeff: is that brown Grimace

Jeff: what the fuck am I looking at

Toby: I’ve never watched an episode of My Little Pony

Jeff: no because you’re normal

Game: who invented the lightning rod

Sally: me

Lyra: what’s the opposite of tears

Jeff:

Jeff: piss

Jeff: and the moral of the story is

Jeff: fuck books

Jeff: get paper cuts

Liu: no

Jeff: what

Liu: stop

Jeff: oh I missed this completely

Liu: is there some kind of grimy wall from your childhood we need to talk about

Jeff: it’s you bitch

Lyra: I put up flyers for car washing. I washed someone’s car and then they said I scratched it with my rings. Why was an eight year old wearing rings?

Jeff: did they try to scam an eight year old?

Lyra: YES

Jeff: you should’ve killed them

Brian: I would give birth to a child on this

Tim: yes

Brian: I would eat the child straight off it

Tim: no

Liu: let’s just grab an apple and try our best

Toby: hey Siri what’s 25+6

Ben:

Ben: girl-

Ben: 31

Toby: 29

*playing Poppy Playtime*

Jeff, to a toy oven: come with me, Owen

Liu: Owen needs to stay where he is

Jeff: I will love you, Owen

Jeff: I don’t like to contribute I just like to judge

Liu: but, Jeff, what is a VPN?

Jeff: virtual private gnome

Liu: gnome begins with a g

Jeff: :0

Sally: everything is just too heavy

Sally: even milk like

Sally: why are you heavy

Lyra: honestly liquid needs to calm down

Lyra: you know what we say about

superstitions

Liu: that they’re not real?

Lyra:

Lyra: do you wanna fight

Toby: just like Sonic The Hedgehog we’re going speed dating

Toby: … as he was known to do

Ben: what

Toby: what fictional characters could we see here

Toby: what are you expecting

Lyra: I’m expecting an anime boy

Lyra: I don’t know who else

Toby: Bill Clinton

Lyra: okay

Toby: he’s real

Jeff: I don’t care if Mozart did this when he was five he’s a nerd

Liu, about baboons: they only live up to 30 years in the wild and 45 years in captivity

Jeff: oh my god you’ve only got a couple years left

Ben: life comes at you fast and so does Trombone Champ

Tim: unleash the babussy

Jeff: did you just g note me with a fucking trombone

Jeff: last time I lost my voice. I’m loud as fuck today you’re gonna wish I had

Lyra: they ate

Liu: okay

Jeff: I was 26 doing that on YouTube

Jeff: fuck yeah good for me

Jeff: did you know that we are celebrities

Toby: celebritenis

Jeff: we are vips

Toby: vipenis

Jeff: we are influenc-

Jeff: *vomit noise*

Jeff: what did you just say

Toby: vipenis

Jeff:

Sally: when I did 23andme it said I was 8% lobster and I think we all know why

Brian: I think I looked snatched

Toby: *dies laughing*

Brian: did I use that right

Jeff: look it’s hard being this pretty

Lyra, reading the question: if they were having a party, what would they serve

Jeff: cunt

Jeff: sorry

Toby: I mean anything could’ve slipped onto something

Jeff: what

Toby: I don’t know what I mean

Jeff: oh god

[cissyenthusiast010155]

hey ha! saw requests are open so i take the chance and may request something also sorry for the english 👉🏿👈🏿 soooo the thing is im obsessed with lucifer from sandman in an unhealty way and there is this idea in my head that lives rentfree so luci saves f/reader that is trapped "in" a demon that shows them there bigges fear and all the things and people that they did something to they regret so we are crying and fearing but luci comes like " T_T...you shouldnt be here" grabs over our shoulder puts there wing protectiv around our back und guids us to the illusion that the demon is creating at a point where the illusion brings us to hesitate the next steps luci push us forward and be like the lightbringer angel they are and we are like 🥲🥲🥲 mhmhm thanks and fluff stuff

i know its kinda specific and its ok if your not up to this but want to drop here im a fan of your writhing so im looking forward to everything you post xD

so have a good one ans thanks for your time 🌚❤️

Hiiii anon!! Thank you for the request! It’s detailed, and I love that 🥰 I tried to follow your request as best as I could. Hope you Enjoy!! 💞💞

Shadow Shadow ~Soft!Lucifer Morningstar xGN!Reader

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, happy ending fluff, demonic possession, crying, anxiety, implied anxiety attack, greatest fears, comforting, pet names, fluff ending, etc.

Enjoy (:

The dishes had piled up in your kitchen sink. They had been bothering you all day, so with a sigh, you got up and went over to address them. You started cleaning the dishes one by one…

Your ears perked up when you thought you heard the door move. You looked back at the kitchen door, but it hadn’t moved. Odd, you thought.

Suddenly, you felt something invade you.

The feeling was hard to explain… Your eyes rolled back and you started levitating off the ground slightly, as a sharp, yet un-uniform, non-physical shape pierced and entered you. You let out a strangled scream as you started to feel your body go numb. You were sucked into yourself, having no control over your body anymore, somebody else was now at the wheel.

Everything around you was dark. You could still vaguely see through your eyes, but you were being pulled into the darkness more and more.

Suddenly you were pulled into a memory filled with true fear and terror. You started to shake as you were forced to relive these twisted thoughts and memories. They were warped, having heightened fear and fright. You started crying, falling to the ground and shaking uncontrollably.

You didn’t know how long you were in those state, but you were cradling yourself on the ground, scared to death and sobbing uncontrollably.

Suddenly, you heard a voice, not one of your own.

“You should not be here…!” The booming voice exclaimed.

You then felt the invasion start to be pulled out of you.

The feeling was still hard to explain… Your eyes rolled back and you started levitating off the ground slightly, as a sharp, yet un-uniform, non-physical shape pierced you once more, but this time exiting you. You let out a strangled scream as you started to feel your body come back to you. You were sucked back out of your depths, having finally control over your body again, the somebody else at the wheel now gone.

When your vision came back to you, you saw a tall figure with strong wings standing in front of you. You were still shaken and scared for your life. Your lip trembled and you immediately put your hands in front of your face to protect yourself.

“My name is Lucifer.” The large being spoke softly, bringing one of their wings around you, “What’s your name, little thing?”

The wing around you made you oddly calmer. You felt protected. And you felt like you could finally breathe.

“I… Y/N…” you whispered, wiping the tears away for your eyes.

Lucifer nodded slowly in understanding.

“That is a lovely name.” They cooe, “I am sorry that you had to experience that, my sweet…”

“What… W-what was that…?” You whispered.

Lucifer sighed.

“One of my more roudy demons who got away from me.” They admitted, “It won’t happen again. You need not worry.” They reassured you.

“No but what was that…?” Your voice trembled as you thought back to the horrific feeling that you had felt in every bone of your body for that time.

You winced and tears threatened to spill down your cheeks once more. Lucifer sighed in sympathy.

“You see, Demons like to thrive off of the human mind… And this demon specialized in fear” They explained gently, “So the demon pulled out your biggest fears to feed off of and survive inside you. Humans call this possession.”

Tears began to flow down your face once more. You nodded at their words.

“It was so awful…” you choked out, your voice cracking.

Lucifer’s wings held you closer and their hand came behind you to rub your back.

“I know, little one…” they cooed lovingly, “But the demon is gone now. It will never bother you again.”

“Ok…” you whispered, looking up at the Lightbringer with watery eyes.

“Thank you” you choked out.

“Anytime, little one…” Lucifer gently spoke, “I’ll come back to check on you soon, alright…?”

You hiccuped and nodded. Then Lucifer left and you were back in your kitchen. With your dishes.

~~~

Lucifer Morningstar Masterlist

[ele-sme]

There must be something i can do!

AU where Jake and Neytiri adopt Spider at a young age, Neytiri discovers something horrible.

This: "hi" I'm writing about the present.

This: "hi" flasbacks or writing about the past.

It was early morning, her kids were all sleeping. Each on top of the other, Spider her oldest was sleeping on top of Kiri. He was almost ten, Neytiri couldn't stay a day without thinking about the time she and Jake brought him home.

Kiri was born and meanwhile Neytiri was holding her new baby, another child came to her, he had curly blonde hair and he was crawling to get to her. As soon as he was ar her feet he sitted down, and started getting his arms up to get taken in her arms too.

"Ma Jake do you wanna old her?" Neytiri asked, almost without thinking. She knew she needed to pick up that baby.

"I'm already holding Neteyam" Jake responded but Neytiri passed Kiri equally, without even looking at her mate. She picked the demanding child in her arms. He immediately started to touch her face with his little hands. Neytiri didn’t like sky people, she hated them. But that baby. That was her baby, she felt it.

"We need to brought him home with us" She telled Jake, who looked at the human child too. "Yes" he responded, apparently he knew too, he had the same feeling.

Then Neytiri remembered all the times she was with her son, his first step,

"OO JAKE, MA JAKE LOOK HE IS WALKING!" Neytiri screamed to her mate who dropped the cooking to look at their child. Neytiri putted herself down and took the child into her arms.

His first climb to a tree,

"Be careful sweetheart" Neytiri said watching as her older son was getting on a big tree.

His first fall,

"Everything is all right mom, look im arrived" A five year old Spider yelled before falling down like a bag of potatoes. For his fortune Jake catched him, for his unfortunate he broken a rib and had to stay in the lab a entire month.

His first kill,

Spider maked a quick pray then he shoot with his bow, killing the animal.

And then Neytiri favourite moment of his life, the first time he holded his baby sister Tuk.

"Hi tuk, I'm Spider, I'm your older brother, I'm not the tallest and one day you will be taller then me but if I know one thing is that, I'm going to protect you forever and that I'm your best friend." He explained to that one hour baby, Tuk grabbed one of Spider little fingers with her tiny hand.

Neytiri was getting emotional only at the thought of those precious moments. She was would always cry at those important moments. Even now after years. Even now on Awa'atlu, Spider was almost seventeen years old but he still sleeped on top of Kiri, a year before she always complained but after almost a year without seeing him she was ready to have him sleep on her for the rest of their life.

Neytiri had one year, one precious year without her son, her baby. How has she lived? She wasn’t. It was only her shadow, her body going on for her other children but mentally she was destroyed, morning and night she prayed to Eywa to protect her son. And she hoped that those Demons did not have done something on her baby. They did, she understood that from the moment she saw her son again. From the anger she killed thousands of Demons in that Demons ship. Now luckily her family was again together. All of them.

Norm a dear friend of her family would have come in the late morning to check on her oldest.

She was taking a walk through the beach when they arrived, and quickly she and her mate were in the infirmary to see her son condition.

"This is annoying, do i really have to do this?" Spider asked and Norm rolled his eyes.

"Don't be stupid" Neytiri only respond watching as the older man visiting her son, who maked a annoyed sight.

"So?" Jake asked at the end of the visit

"Everything seems to be good" Norm responded. "Like i said" Spider responded and all three adults watched him with a bad eye, "Alright Alright i shut up"

"I'm not so sure about that, you for sure have another 78 years to live" Norm responded chuckling at his own joke.

Neytiri was confused by that joke, it wasn’t funny that what she was sure of, but those 78 years...

"78? Those are little years" she said and Norm without even looking to her said the most horrible thing Neytiri have ever heard in her life.

"Well he is human, humans live less then na’vi" Norm responded, he probably didn't remember that he was talking to the mother of that Human, but when he remember he quickly turned to see the woman, who was froze at what she heard.

"Jake?" She asked for her mate confirmation, he looked stunned too, like he remember something he was supposed to remember before.

"Humans do live less then na'vi" he said whispering.

Spider was now long go, he got away the second that Norm did the joke. And from a point of view that was great, Neytiri didn’t want her son to see her cry like a baby for a death that was so far away.

"We need to do something," she sobbed in Jake avatar "you need to create a fake body, like the one of my Jake" she yelled a Norm, desparation in her voice.

"Neytiri" Jake could only say, she knew that a body for her son couldn't exist.

"I can't outlive our baby" she said, her weeping is a pain other womans cried too that day.

[thewardenisonthecase]

Moments in Between - Chapter 5

Lucanis Dellamorte x Grey Warden!Rook (Dawn Thorne)

Chapter 4

Read on AO3

Summary: The aftermath of the dragon attack and a certain demon cause a little bit of mayhem.

A/N: I struggled a bit with this chapter as I had to focus on some real life stuff (applying for a masters and had to do a bunch of self tape auditions). At least, I have a clearer vision of where I want to go with this story, I just need to adjust how to tackle it.

What a mess. 

Rook’s first real taste of leadership had ended in disaster. Minrathous had been destroyed in the attack, and the Venatori had used the chaos to make a pass at the throne. 

She brought the whiskey bottle to her lips once again. 

The reality of what they were facing was starting to dawn upon her. 

People would die. Sacrifices were to be made. And sometimes, no matter what you chose, the outcome would still be shit. 

Varric had tried to ease her mind, but it didn’t help her guilt. Could she have done more? She should have had. There must have been some way to save both cities. If she’d been faster with the ice dragon, maybe they could have reached Minrathous in time. 

Rook wiped her tears. She didn’t have the right to cry, it was not her city that was burned to the ground. If Neve never wanted to step foot in the Lighthouse again, she wouldn’t blame her. 

The whiskey tasted bitter in her mouth yet she couldn’t stop drinking. The worst part was that the blissful ignorance of being drunk never arrived. 

In moments like this she cursed her high tolerance for alcohol. 

“Drinking yourself to death will not solve your problems, kid.” Varric said, entering her room. “Trust me, I tried.” 

She sighed “I didn’t realize it would be this hard.” She looked at him. “Being the one who makes the decisions.” 

He walked to her and sighed. “I’m sorry you’re having to take all of this on. I’m the one who should have been leading the team…”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault you got injured.” 

“Stil…” Varric put a hand on her shoulder. “But I know you can do this. You were my second in command for a reason. You’re a responsible woman, resourceful. If anyone can deal with this, its you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Now, instead of spending your day here until you enter an alcohol induced coma, you need to plan your next steps. If I were you, I’d talk to Solas, see if there’s anything you can take from him.” 

Rook nodded. “I think I’ll do that…after I take a bath.” 

Varric chuckled. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” 

. 

Lucanis hadn’t seen much of Rook. After the dragon attack, she had been busy recruiting new members for their team, planning for what was next. 

The dragon…he didn’t think she would choose Treviso. It was a merchant city that few seemed to care about. It did not haven defenses, and with the occupation going, they’d have even less protection. 

Treviso did not have much to offer in the fight against the elven gods. 

Minrathous was a capital to one of the most powerful nations in Thedas, they could provide an army if things escalated, the Shadow Dragons even had connections to the magisterium. 

And yet, Rook had showed up and helped them fight off the dragon. He shuddered to think how many lives would have been lost - in the attack, and afterwards. 

Lucanis had tried thinking of how he could say thank you. They hadn’t spoken much since, not with Lucanis staying away from the group. Since the dragon, Spite had grown more restless, demanding to be let out.

He couldn’t give voice to the demon, but he also could not control it. He feared what Spite could do to the others, especially now, and so, Lucanis had retreated into his mind even more. 

He stood by the fire, deep in thoughts, not even noticing that others had arrived in the dining hall until they began talking. He hadn’t heard much of what was being said until the new guy, Davrin interneved. 

“Hang on a minute. Not only have you retained the services of a demon assassin, you’re also taking advice from the elven god who attempted to tear down the veil.” 

He turned to the group “Spite is my problem.” He told the warden. 

“That’s what they always say.” Davrin crossed his arms, turning to Rook. “Thorne, what mess have you gotten yourself into? Lucanis is one thing, but do you really trust this Solas?” 

Lucanis frowned at the name. Did she know him from before? The two were wardens after all. 

“I would not call it trust.”

“So you don’t trust him?”

“No.” She replied, bluntly. 

“Alright then.” 

The conversation continued, as they planned on who to contact. Bellara happened to know a professor from Nevarra who could help and Harding would speak with her contacts to find a dragon hunter. 

The others began exiting the room, Rook being the last of them to stay. They exchanged a look, and it seemed as if she was about to say something before turning to the door and leaving. 

Lucanis sighed. As if things weren’t bad enough, now there was a monster hunter on the team. He looked at Spite, who had grown more restless since the dragon attack, demanding to go out. 

He’d need more coffee to keep the demon at bay. 

. 

Rook remembered the first time she met Davrin, five years ago when she was sent to the Anderfels. 

The two of them had been grouped alongside Evka and Antoine to go on a mission. Investigate the appearance of darkspawn in a village and make sure they wouldn’t cause any more trouble. 

The whole situation had turned out to be much more complex than they had expected, and by the end of it, Rook had three new friends. At the time, the only friends she had. 

She was excited when she realized Davrin would join their team. They hadn’t seen each other in long, and the two had been close confidants in the Anderfels. Besides, she knew how capable of a warrior he was. 

Rook did not expect, however, that he and Lucanis would be at each other's throats all of the time. 

It did not matter where they were, at some point, the same conversation would happen: Davrin would bring up the fact that Lucanis was an abomination. Lucanis would bring up the warden's mysterious secrets. They’d talk in circles and get nowhere. 

Maker, the headaches she was getting because of the two. 

It was terrible. She did not wish to intervene as they were two grown men, but one of them was her closest friend and the other…

Well. That was the worst part. Rook believed she was starting to have…feelings for Lucanis, and at the moment, that was the last thing she needed. They had recruited the fade expert, Emmrich, but they still needed the dragon hunter. She had to focus. 

But it was hard to do so when he would look at her with those sad, brown eyes of his and make her chocolate. Or when he seemed to be opening up, even if just a bit, when she was around. They hadn’t spoken much since Treviso, and she did not know why, but it was as if Lucanis was even more closed off than before. 

She did not understand it, but she didn’t find the courage to ask. 

Rook would find an answer soon enough, after their hunter, Taash, joined the team. 

. 

She followed the shouting to the room where the eluvian was kept. Taash stood in front of it, stopping Lucanis and Harding from getting through. 

“What’s going on here?” Rook asked. 

“It’s the demon!” Harding exclaimed. “It’s taken over Lucanis and now he’s trying to leave.” 

When Rook looked at him, she saw that his eyes were no longer the same, becoming bright purple, and when he spoke, a different voice than the one she knew said “Smells like…jam and brimstone.” 

Was that what Spite sounded like? 

“Rook, do something.” Lace pleaded. 

She looked at the man in front of her. This was not the first time she had spoken to a demon, but each one required a different approach. She thought of his nature - Spite. Perhaps if she catered to it, he might be more agreeable to letting Lucanis go. 

She had an idea. If he wanted to go through the eluvian, what could be more spiteful than not giving it to him?

A part of her wondered if it was a good idea to aggravate the demon, but between her, Harding and Taash, she believed they could do it. She only feared Lucanis getting hurt. 

With a firm voice, she spoke “Spite, I’m not letting you take Lucanis through there.” 

“I could. If you’d move!” 

“So you can take him to where? A cliff, or worse?”

Rook crossed her arms. “Give it up. It’s not happening.” 

She saw him gnarl, before Lucanis shook his head, blinking. 

“How did…Rook? Taash?” He asked confused, looking around before exhaling. “Ah…”

“You…tried to walk through the eluvian in your sleep.” Lace explained.

“Spite wanted out.” 

Lucanis sighed. “I need coffee.” 

“Lucanis…are you sure you’re all right?” 

“This…could be better.” He said, looking embarrassed. “I must have fallen asleep. It won’t happen again.” 

“What do you mean?” Harding asked but Rook knew why. He had told her long ago. 

Lucanis explained to the others “It’s hard for Spite to take control when I’m awake, so…I try to stay awake.” 

“You can’t just stay awake forever. I think that would kill you.” 

“I’ll be more careful next time.” 

“But you shouldn’t have to live like this.” Rook put her hands on her hips. “Lace is right, not sleeping for so long will be bad for you.” 

He raised a brow. “That is rich, coming from you.” He shook his head. “Just…I can handle it.”

“I know you can but maybe Spite could be reasoned with, so you wouldn’t find yourself in these situations.” 

“He’s ‘Spite’, not ‘Learning’. He doesn’t listen to anyone.” 

“He seemed to listen to Rook just a moment ago.” Taash spoke up.

“He didn’t-” Lucanis sighed. “Don’t worry about it. It won’t happen again.” He said and marched out of the room. 

The three of them looked at each other. 

“Do you really think he could be reasoned with?” Lace asked. 

“Maybe? I mean, he’s still a demon but if he really wanted to hurt Lucanis, he could have done so already.” Rook told her. “I remember him saying they had a deal, but he never said what it was. I wonder…”

Making deals with demons was tricky and there was too much involving Spite that she did not know about. Rook sighed as she shook her head. 

“I’ll think about this later. Lace, you said Morrigan wanted to speak to me?” 

. 

“She. Talked to me. Listened.” Spite said as Lucanis walked. “You. Never. Do.” 

He tried to keep a calm facade as he began brewing some coffee. Spite, however, made it very difficult to keep focus. 

“You’re not. Living. I want. Out!” The demon screamed. “I want. To talk.” 

Lucanis bit his tongue, to avoid answering him. Give the demon some leeway and look at what happened. Maker knows what he would have done if the others hadn’t stopped him. 

He felt ashamed that they had seen him like that. That… Rook had seen him like that. 

It was then he realized. Lucanis put a hand on his forehead, sighing. In his haste to leave, he had forgotten to thank them. 

No matter. He shook his head. He wouldn’t let it happen again.

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere Gyutaro Headcanons: Jealousy and No Regrets (Demon Slayer)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! We got a bonus update today, and it is with Gyutaro! The man who takes diet looks to the extreme! This man has the body of the twinkest twink that ever damn twinked! We love him! So let's do this!]

(Disclaimer: Gyutaro is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! His demon form is an adult and is over 100 years old, so HE IS AN ADULT IN THIS! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, as long as you are NOT illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Nasty Flaky biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Gyutaro AKA One of The Upper Rank 6 Moon From Demon Slayer-

.Gyutaro had a hard childhood, he was treated horribly and not even allowed to eat most of the time.

.He would end up eating wild things like live frogs and rats.

.He also most likely had symptoms of Syphilis that were passed down from his mother, the disease being most likely the disease in the show that was called Ume.

.There was one good thing in his life while human and that was his sister, she was perfect and it showed how much Gyutaro could care about a person.

.His sister was the one thing he cared about and always told her to go after what she wanted.

.When she was burned alive, Gyutaro was so angry, he killed the man who did it.

.He then shortly after became a demon and a man, he was no longer the kid that was easy to take advantage of and kill.

.No he was a powerful demon and he would continue to get stronger and stronger, but he always felt that something was missing, and he learned what that something was when he laid eyes on you.

.Gyutaro had found the something, not the someone he was missing.

.He never thought anyone would find him desirable romantically or sexually.

.He had paid for whores in the past to sleep with him, but they did it with disgust on their faces.

.He believed he was meant to be alone, and that he was fine with.

.Until he saw you, you were what he was missing all this time, you were the person he wanted most in the world.

.Gyutaro was instantly enraptured by you and he would stalk you at night, making sure you made it home safe and sound.

.If any guy or girl for that matter looked or talked to you too long on your way home he would kill them and leave their hearts for you in front of your door.

.He just knew you had to love his gifts, he was giving you the hearts of the ones that were unworthy of you. To show his love.

.Gyutaro is a very jealous yandere, and would be jealous of anyone who even got to glance at you, how could they have the right to look at your pretty face when he has to slink in the shadows to do so?

.He is also a very petty yandere in which anything a rival did he would be so petty about, oh they bumped into you? how dare their shoulder got to grace yours!

.So he would be killing anyone and everyone cause man this man is the most jealous and petty yandere I have ever seen.

.He is also jealous of you, you get to be out without him, you get to see the sky during the day, and you get to spend your time away from him! How dare you have the freedom of being a human!

.He would put a stop to it, by turning you into a demon. That way you can never die of human diseases, you cannot die of old age, and you will never be out in the day, where he cannot keep an eye on you.

.He is also very cruel and sadistic and takes great pleasure in killing his rivals for you, mocking them and saying how pathetic they are for thinking they could have you.

.That you belong to him and you and him were destined to be together.

.He takes great pleasure in ripping out their hearts to offer to you, to show how much he loves and adores you.

.He also kills people for their clothes, and well anything really. He does not have money but he will kill people for gifts for you.

.To show he cares for you and wants you to be treated like the special little person you are.

.He wants to give you the best and to have you showered in the most beautiful of jewels and the finest of silks!

.He would spoil you because you deserve it and he adores you, you are his treasure after all and he wants to make it known to you how much you mean to him.

.He knows you could do better than him, that he is not handsome in the least, but... if you ever dared try and be with someone else he would kill them, kill your family, and then tell you that it was because he loved you and could not bare losing you.

.But he does have a genuine love and care for you, and when he sees you hurt it brings intense fear and worry into him.

.He would rather die than see you hurt, and he would never force himself on you, no matter how much you turn him on. He would never force his love on you in that way.

.He would wish that he was born human in a time with you, that way he could have had a life, and family with you.

.Of course that is not possible so he lets his selfish nature take control and to have you as his.

.He will do his best every day to show you how much he loves you and that he will die for you, to keep you safe.

.Not to mention he will slaughter millions of people to keep you safe as well.

.He would confess his love to the day he showed himself to you.

.If you accepted his love he would be genuinely in shock and he might even cry that you actually love him.

.He would have never felt so lucky.

.If you turned him down, well he was expecting that, so he would grab you and fill you with Muzan's blood.

.Turning you into a demon, because he is never letting you go, you were his.

.He believes that since he had such a hard life, he is owed you, that you were made for him and him alone.

.The Gods had dealt him such a terrible life that he has the right to have you as his and it does not matter if you accept his feelings or not!

.You will learn to be a good little darling, he will make sure of it.

.When you come to as demon you have no memories of your life, but there he is, there for you and always supportive of you.

.You cling to him as he is all you know and he is the only one you need.

.Just as how it should be, he will never regret becoming a demon and he will never regret turning you into one as well.

.You and him will be together now... forever.

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done, I am really happy with this one, I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[cillians-sweetheart]

𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓮𝓬𝓾𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 ☣︎ Chapter 5

Description: Johnathan Crane x Patient Reader. An 18 year old girl suffers from a mental disorder that Dr Crane takes an interest in, but It isn't just the disorder that catches his eye. Their love becomes so strong it drives her dangerously mad... more mad then she or him could ever imagine.

ROMANCE + HORROR + SMUT STORY

No Batman and not everything about crane that's mentioned is correct to the actual character in DC.

TW: Violence, Sexual Content, Alcohol/Drug Use, Gore, Mental Illness, Parental Issues, Smut, Murder, Extreme Kinks (dom/crane, blood, choking, hair pulling, spanking, age gap, toys, dub-con and daddy kink) and Mention of Abuse, Assault and SA.

Not all warnings shown will be used in this exact chapter! Bold warnings are some to be expected throughout the chapter below!

The last thing I saw in that moment was Dr Crane sticking a needle into me. After that, everything went dark.

I wake to up a soreness in my wrist. I appear to be in what looks like a hotel, and I am handcuffed to a bed. The room is empty. There is a large window covered with black curtains. A neatly made bed where I am locked to and a dresser across the room. The only light in the room is a small lamp.

I begin to pull at my wrist. The metal scrapes against my bare skin making it become red and irritated. I feel the blood drain from my face. My hands go cold and my chest becomes tight.

The door opens slowly, a shadow stands in the dark watching me for a few seconds before entering.

"Good evening" Dr crane reveals himselfs. I am angry but relieved it's him and not a serial killer.

"Why am I here?" I continue to tug at the handcuff. "Let me go!" Fear begins to build in me.

"Solitude Y/N, I'm afraid I can't"

"Is this a hotel?! Did you kidnap me?"

"No, you are at my house"

"Why does it look like a hotel in here, and does my mom know I'm here?! I want my mom!"

"She knows you've been admitted into my care."

"You kidnapped me!" I moved away as he stepped closer to the bed.

"It's the only place where you could be alone"

"I'm not alone though"

"I don't count. You seem to have learned I'm not going to kill you so me being here won't be a problem to this treatment."

"I wanna see my mom."

"Why? She clearly doesn't want to see you"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Y/N I am telling you the truth. She said it herself that her own daughter is a demon." I feel an overcoming sadness, tears build in my eyes. Even though she pisses me off she's still my mom. How could she not want nor love me. "Don't let it upset you sweetheart. People like that deserve to be out of your life."

"But she's my mom!" I cried.

"I live without my mom, always have always will."

"Yeah and you're fucked in the head!" He stares as if he's waiting for me to say more. I didn't like the way he looked at me. "Sorry.." I whisper, while wiping my eyes with my other, free hand.

"Now if I take that off your wrist are you going to run or are you going to stay put."

"I'll stay here.."

"Good." He comes over and takes off the handcuff.

"So am I just going to stay locked in here until I'm better?" I now speak to him in a delicate voice to avoid him becoming angry and hurting me.

"Not completely. I have this place locked from every door to window so you don't have to stay just in this room"

"Is this your room?"

"No. Do you want it to be?"

"What?"

"Nothing. How are you feeling right now?" He sits down onto the bed next me.

"Not the best"

"Why?"

I groan and turn away from him. I lie down and curl into a ball. Light tears stream down my cheek. I feel his hand begin to lightly rub over my back. My body sinks into the bed that shouldn't be this comfortable.

"This bed sucks" I whine, and pout like a child.

"Would you prefer mine?"

I spin around. "Yours?"

"Yes, it's a lot more comfortable than this" There's a look in his eye that tells me he isn't just being nice, but actually wants me there. The way he looks at me almost makes me feel as if I don't have a choice.

He only brought me here so he could keep me as his very own.

"Oh.. okay" it's always better to obey than resist.

"Perfect" He stands up and takes my hand. Instead of letting go once I stand he continues to hold it and walks me to his room. His room is much larger than the previous one, and much darker. The walls are high, and a dark gray. The curtains which cover the large window are jet black and his bedding is a fine black silk. "Welcome home".

"It's so black"

"Yes, such a beautiful color"

I walk over to the neatly made bed and run my fingers along the silk. God was it soft.

"Make yourself at home, because you're not leaving me." He said with an unsettling smirk.

"Ever?"

He shrugs. "Well by the end of this, you may not want to leave."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He takes a large inhale. "Are you tired?"

"Yes" I answered quietly.

"Very well. Are you going to take off your pants?"

"What?"

"Well I wouldn't imagine sleeping in jeans would be very comfortable." I shyly unbutton my jeans, letting them fall to the floor. I kick them from my ankles and crawl into his bed. Lying right in the middle.

the silk sheets below me feel heavenly on my skin. I wiggle around getting comfortable. It's like he knew silk was my favourite fabric.

I lie on my side and curl my arms up to my body. I close my eyes feeling I'm about to fall asleep at any second.

I feel Dr Crane crawl into the bed next me. So close I can feel his body heat and smell his cologne but not close enough we are touching. I was scared but relieved to not be alone for once while I slept.

I open my eyes and the room is almost pitch dark. I can see his outline lying beside me and a bit of his face. He looks so different without his glasses on.

And without his shirt.

"What's your real name?" I ask softly, while moving slightly closer to him.

He thought for a minute like he didn't want to tell me "Johnathan." He responds moving the bit of hair from his face.

"I love that name" My eyes melt into his darkened face before me.

"Thank you sweetheart."

I grinned and snuggled my face in the pillow, never questioning how I became so comfortable and in a way loving towards him within just minutes. It was like I'd been tainted by a love spell the second I laid in his bed.

In the night I had completely forgotten that I was a night cuddler, because once I had fallen asleep I was wrapped about Johnathan. The same way I would wrap myself around my pillow. The worst part is I didn't even notice until morning when I woke up with my head on his chest. As I was about to jump up and move off of him I noticed his head was lying on mine and his arm was wrapped around my back. He snored slightly, he was still asleep. Instead of waking him I chose to stay where I was. I was embarrassed by my actions but somehow still found it sweet.

A part of me never wanted to move again. The love and safety I felt with him was unreal. I've never felt safe in any setting, even in my own home. There was something so special about this moment. Like it happened for a reason. It almost made me emotional to think about.

But what scared me most was that my conscious mind completely ignored that he was a stranger. A man I've only met a few times.

Yet I was so comfortable.

I've been alone for so long even the slightest validation and attention had me head over heels.

Even for the man who drugged and kidnapped me.

[bjfinn]

THE TRIAL OF OTHO FENLOCK

TW: mention of suicide

"W-where am I?" Otho asked, looking around in trepidation. He strained futilely against the manacles that chained his wrists to the stone wall at his back.

"Welcome to the In-Between," Beej told him. "Think of it as kind of a no-man's-land between the land of the living and the land of the dead. Since you're not dead -- yet -- I can't take you to the Netherworld, and most of the witnesses are dead, so they can't go Topside."

"You can't do this!" Otho protested. "I have an appointment with my manicurist at three!"

"When I'm done with you," Beej said, scowling, "the only nails you'll be worrying about will be the ones keeping your coffin-lid shut."

Pac cleared his throat. "Uh, Beej ... what am I doing here?"

"You're the judge."

"Me??? "

"Well, I can't do it," Beej said. "He could have the verdict overturned because of, uhh ..."

"Judicial bias?" Pac suggested.

Beej smiled broadly and winked at him. "See?" he said. "You'll do great!"

He snapped his fingers, and suddenly Pac was seated at a desk on a raised dais. He was wearing a judicial robe and a ridiculously ornate white powdered wig, and looked for all the world like a younger, befuddled Rumpole of the Bailey.

"I refuse to play along with this ... this charade!" Otho exclaimed. He was now in the defendant's box, hands cuffed in front of him.

"I don't think you have much choice, buddy," Pac said. Truth be told, this guy was starting to piss him off, and even though Pac didn't know what this "trial" was all about, he was already inclined to believe Beej.

"That's right, Kevin! " Beej snarled, striding over to his captive. He raised the baton that had appeared in his fist. "Now shut your yap, or I'll --"

"The, uh ... prosecution will refrain from threatening the defendant," Pac said in his best "judge" voice.

Beej scowled sullenly, but backed down.

"Okay, uh ... opening statements, I guess," Pac said. "The prosecution will go first."

"Thank you, your Honour," Beej said. "And may I say that you look hot in that robe."

"Get on with it," Pac scowled.

"Okay, okay," the demon sighed. "Right. So, uh .... we are gathered here today to hold this man --" he pointed dramatically at Otho -- "accountable for his crimes against humanity, ghost-kind ... and me specifically."

Otho scoffed. "You? What did I ever do to you? "

Beej stormed over to him and leaned in until their noses were almost touching. "YOU TRIED TO EXORCISE ME!!!" he roared, his hair scarlet.

Otho threw his head back, grimacing in disgust. He waved a hand in front of his face. "Can you blame me?" he asked. "Your breath alone is a crime! Not to mention your fashion sense. I mean, stripes? Really??? That's sooo last century!"

"I like stripes!" the demon retorted. "Lots of people like stripes!"

"Beej," Pac warned. "Focus."

"He started it!"

"Okay, uh ... the defendant will refrain from insulting the prosecution's clothing."

"Or his breath," Beej added.

Pac sighed. "Or his breath."

"Or his --"

"Or anything else," Pac said quickly.

Beej nodded, mollified. "As I was saying," he continued, scowling at Otho, "I will prove -- beyond the shadow of a doubt -- that the defendant did willfully and with malice aforethought steal from his victims --"

"It's not my fault that people like to give me things," Otho said.

"-- used his position of influence to satisfy his carnal desires --"

"You're one to talk."

"-- drove people to suicide --"

"Some people are beyond help," the ersatz guru put in. "I can't be held responsible."

"-- knowing that they would be condemned to civil service in the Netherworld!" He turned to Pac. "It's a shitty deal -- believe me, I know. That's why I stopped Lydia from throwing herself off the roof."

"I thought it was 'cause you needed her to say --" Pac began.

"You say tomato, I say GUILTY!" the demon replied, whirling to point a finger at the defendant. "It's as plain as the knock-off suit he's wearing!"

Otho gasped in horror. "This is a custom Armani, I'll have you know!"

"I request a summary judgement," Beej said.

"I-I don't know if it's a knock-off," Pac demurred. "I buy mostly second-hand."

"You always look hot, though," Beej told him.

"Thanks," Pac said, grinning.

"The prosecution will refrain from buttering up the judge," Otho frowned.

"Hey!" Pac exclaimed. "You don't make the rules, pal!" Then he sighed. "The defendant has a point, though. No more buttering me up -- either of you."

He looked at Otho. "The defence will proceed with their opening statement."

"I'm innocent."

"And?"

"And that's all," Otho said, crossing his legs and resting his hands loosely on his knee. "What else is there to say?" He pursed his lips smugly.

Pac sighed heavily. I really don't like this guy, he thought to himself. "I don't think you get it," he said. "If Beej wins, you'll be ..." he looked at the demon. "What happens if you win?"

"I take him to the Netherworld."

"I thought only the dead were allowed to go there," Pac said.

Beej nodded eagerly, a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Right. And, uh ... what happens to him there?"

The demon shrugged. "Depends on who gets ahold of him," he replied. "But it won't be pleasant! Well, not for him, anyway!"

" 'Depends on who ...'? Uhh, never mind." Pac shook his head. "Hear that?" he said to Otho. "It's not gonna be good. So you better say more than just 'I'm innocent'."

Otho's bottom lip began to tremble. "I ... I never meant to hurt anyone," he said. "I just ... I just wanted to help people. Spiritually, you know? I mean, so many people are searching for answers in this crazy world, looking for meaning, for purpose." He took a deep, overly dramatic breath. "It's not my fault that they wanted to give me all their money."

"Did you ask them to?" Pac queried.

"I simply told them that ... donations were welcome to help with administrative costs."

"Like a fancy new car," Beej sneered, "and a fancy new wardrobe, and a fancy new --"

"Okay, okay," Pac said. "Let him talk."

"In order to be successful, you have to look successful," Otho explained. "No one is going to listen to somebody who looks like ... like ... a stoner -- no offence, your Honour."

"None taken," Pac frowned.

"Objection!" Beej yelled. "The defence is buttering up the judge!"

"Uhh, no, he's really not," Pac told him. "He just called me a stoner, and implied that I dress like a loser."

"Oh," the demon said. "Yeah, right. Well ... the defence is insulting the judge! Off with his head!"

"No! No offing with his head!"

"I'm filing a motion of judicial incompetence!"

"Hey! This was your idea, pal -- I never asked to be here! Now, settle down!"

Beej grumbled, but said nothing.

"Okay," Pac said. "Let's get on with it -- call your first witness."

Beej snapped his fingers, and suddenly a young woman was sitting in the witness box.

"Hi," Pac said to her. "Uhh ... please state your name."

She leaned forward and spoke into the microphone. "Anne Butler."

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile, your Honour," Beej said.

"What? Why?"

"For fun."

"Beej ..."

"Okay, okay," the demon scowled. "Party pooper." He approached the witness box with a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Hey, how you doing?" he said. "Nice to meet you. I'm BJ -- or Beej. Your choice. Maybe later we could --"

"Get on with it," Pac sighed -- he was rapidly losing patience with this whole situation.

"Uh, yeah. Right." The demon cleared his throat dramatically. "Now then, Ms Butler -- how did you meet the defendant?"

"I ... I was in a bad place," she began. "I'd just broken up with my fiancé, the place I worked was laying people off and I was sure I'd be next, my dad was diagnosed with cancer ..."

"Sounds rough," Beej cut in. "So you were feeling vulnerable."

Anne nodded. "I saw a notice about a new group that was starting -- so I called the number to find out more, and they told me that the first meeting was that Saturday, and it was only twenty bucks, no obligation. So ... I went. I mean, what did I have to lose -- besides twenty bucks and a couple of hours, right?

"Anyway, there were a bunch of people there, and Otho was in charge. He seemed to genuinely care about us, you know? About what we were going through."

"Scumbag," Beej muttered.

"Beej," Pac warned.

"Sorry, your Honour." He turned back to the witness. "What happened in this meeting?"

"He led us in a ... a prayer, I guess you'd call it -- but we weren't praying to God. More like we were asking the universe for guidance, I guess. It was kinda strange, really, but I figured why not? It's not like God was paying attention."

"Yeah, He can be a real piece of shit," Beej nodded. "He's always like 'Oh, I love my children, they're my treasures, you guys can come to me whenever you need help', but then when you do he's like 'Whoops, sorry -- I just gotta take this call, and I'll get back to you on that' -- and then He never does. Just like the deadbeat dad He is -- am I right, or am I right?"

"Objection," Otho said. "The prosecution is ... well, he's leading the witness off-track. She's supposed to be testifying against me! "

Pac looked at him incredulously. "Really, dude? You're pissed that she's not? "

Otho looked nonplussed. "Well, it's my trial."

"Bring it back on track, Beej," Pac sighed.

"Uh, yeah -- right. Sorry. It's just that it's a bit of a sore point for me, you know? My dad took off before I was born, and then when I finally managed to track him down you know what he said? He said, 'Tough luck, kid -- I never wanted to be a father anyway.' I mean, what kind of bastard says that to his own kid, for crissakes? And my mom -- oh, don't get me started on her! She was the worst! One time she --"

"Beej!"

The demon bit his lip and looked down at his feet. "Sorry. Uh ... where was I?"

"You were asking the witness about how she met Otho," Pac reminded him.

"Right. So Otho was in charge of the meeting."

Anne nodded. "After the ... prayer he had us all tell about what was going on with our lives -- why we'd come. It felt good to talk about it, you know? So I decided to keep going to the meetings.

"Anyway, he got us to start meditating, and taught us about crystals --"

"Crystals?" Beej asked.

"How different kinds of crystals attract different kinds of spiritual energy -- I know it sounds really crazy, but it made sense, you know? Anyway, he'd sell us the crystals and candles we needed --"

"He sold you pretty rocks and scented wax."

"Well, yeah -- but it's not like you can just find them lying around on the street, right? I mean, he had to buy them first."

Otho nodded, trying his best to look the picture of innocence.

"Anyway," Anne continued, "as time went on there was always another crystal or candle we needed to get, and they got more and more expensive."

"I had to cover my costs," Otho interjected.

Pac shot him a warning look.

"How much money did he end up taking?" Beej asked.

"Nearly $15,000 -- all the money I had!" Anne replied, burying her face in her hands and sobbing. "That's ... that's when I decided to ... to ... I took a bunch of sleeping pills."

"And now you're a civil servant in the Netherworld."

Anne nodded.

"And it's all because of this guy!" the demon exclaimed, pointing dramatically at Otho. "He drove you to suicide, knowing what would happen to you after! You must really hate him."

"Well, I --"

"You must wanna see his guts ripped out."

"Um ..."

"You must wanna see him flayed alive, his eyes poked out, his head on a pike! His liver eaten by hideous birds! His flesh burned with acid! His --"

"Beej!"

Beej shook himself. "Uh, sorry, your Honour -- guess I got a little carried away for a sec." He turned back to Anne. "One last question -- did he ever, you know ..." He made a circle with his thumb and index finger and quickly slid his other index finger in and out, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Anne nodded, distraught.

"It's okay," the demon said. "Tell us all about it."

"Come on, man!" Pac sighed.

"We need to hear every detail about what he did to her!" Beej protested.

"You just wanna get your rocks off!"

"Is that so wrong??? "

Pac sighed and turned to the witness. "Was it, uh ... consensual?"

"Yeah, I -- I guess. I mean, I didn't really want to, but he said it was an important part of the healing process."

"How was it?" Beej asked. "I bet he's got a small dick -- a tiny little thing, no bigger than a --"

"I object!" Otho exclaimed. "I'll have you know that I am very well-endowed, thank you very much!"

"Really? Well, I think the court should have proof! Drop your pants!"

"No!" Pac shouted. "No one's dropping their pants!" He took a deep breath. "The witness is excused -- thank you, Ms Butler."

''But I'm not done questioning her," Beej protested.

"Call your next witness."

"Wait," Otho said. "When do I get my turn?"

"You're the defendant!" Beej told him. "You don't get to ask questions!"

"Uh, he's also acting as his own lawyer," Pac pointed out.

"That's not my problem."

"All right -- you may question the witness."

Beej scowled. "I'm gonna file a writ when this is over!"

"Yeah, you do that," Pac chuckled. He looked at Otho. "Go ahead, ask your questions."

"I, uh ... I don't actually have any questions for this witness at this time, your Honour," he admitted. "I just wanted to make sure that I could."

Pac frowned. "Okay, then -- next witness."

*****

And so it went. Witness after witness was called to testify, and Pac found his hands full just trying to prevent Beej from making a circus of the whole thing. Otho, for his part, spent his time alternately making snarky comments, sobbing, and coming up with lame excuses for his actions.

"Any more witnesses?" Pac asked wearily.

"Just one more, your Honour," Beej said. "The prosecution calls Delia Deetz to the stand."

Delia appeared suddenly in the witness box, looking a bit dishevelled. "What the hell -- BJ? Otho! "

"Hey, Mom," Beej said.

"BJ, what's going on? What am I doing here?"

"Otho's on trial," he explained. "And you're my last witness."

"On trial??? BJ, what are you doing?"

"He hurt a lot of people -- including you. He should pay for that." Beej took her hand in his. "You just tell your story, and he'll get what's coming to him -- I promise."

"BJ, no -- I ... I can't. I won't help you hurt him. He's still my friend."

"But he hurt you!"

"Yes," she nodded. "Yes, he did. But if he hadn't ... I never would have moved to New York. I never would have met Charles, or Lydia. And so I never would have come to Connecticut with them ... and I never would have met you. And I wouldn't have become your mom."

Beej's face fell -- he hadn't considered that.

"Otho has done a lot of bad things, but it's only because he did those things that you're part of our family," she said. "I think you should let karma deal with him."

The side of Beej's mouth twitched.

"Beej?" Pac asked. "What do you wanna do?"

The demon let out a loud sigh and snapped his fingers, freeing Otho. The ersatz guru rubbed his wrists.

"You're free to go," the demon told him.

"Really?" Otho sneered. "Not even an apology?"

"Otho, darling," Delia hissed, "shut the hell up before he changes his mind!"

Beej snapped his fingers again and Otho disappeared, transported back to the land of the living.

"Thank you, BJ," Delia said. "It was the right thing to do."

"I only let him go because of you," he told her.

"I know, honey. Now, how about you take us all back home?"

[mask131]

Vampires before they were cool... (3)

A last post for now – maybe more shall follow.

I talked of how the vampire myth was born, and of the vampire craze that overtook Europe. But I only vaguely hinted at what the vampires were back then. So here’s a question: what was a “vampire” in the 18th century, and how did it differ from the creature literature and cinema built? This is not a complete or extensive answer, but here are some things to think about (that I am lifting from Jean Marigny’s works):

The 18th century solidified the three main traits of a vampire. 1) It is an “undead in body”: it is not a disembodied spirit, an ethereal wraith or a spiritual demon. It has a body, it is a physical entity on the material plane. 2) It leaves its grave at night, in order to suck the blood of the living, which in turn extends his unnatural life. 3) His victims become vampires too, after they die.

The idea that vampire lacks a reflection and cannot be seen in mirror was greatly exaggerated by fiction. It was not an universal trait of vampires: it was mostly present in areas where a Germanic culture dominated. There, vampires were said to lack both shadows and reflections in mirror – which was meant to symbolize how they had lost their soul.

The idea of vampires having very huge, big and pointy teeth was greatly exaggerated by the cinema – while indeed the confusion with werewolves led to the idea of vampires having fangs, not all the vampires actually had to bite their victim to drink their blood. Many vampires simply sucked or absorbed the blood directly through the skin, without using their teeth. And in many other cases, such as the “Nachzehrer”, the vampire doesn’t even touch the victim, he just absorbs its life-force from a long distance.

While the bat became THE iconic vampire-animal (especially thanks to Buffon, who named the blood-sucking Southern American bats “vampires” in 1761), traditional vampires are said to turn into all sorts of animals: they can be spiders, or even butterflies, just as they can turn themselves into straw or mist.

Garlic is not an universal remedy against vampire: the belief that garlic repels vampire comes mostly from Romania. However, the vampire of folklore was known to only be able to leave his grave at night, as he was forced to return to his tomb before the singing of the rooster. The vampire also fears holy water and running water (because water is the source and symbol of life), and other religious symbols of Christianity (like the crucifix). A wooden stake through the heart is the best way to put an end to a vampire, but sometimes it is not enough and requires additional rituals. In Russia, the stake must be carved out of aspen wood, because it was the wood in which the cross of the Christ was built; in other countries, people rather use hawthorn, supposed to be the origin of the Christ’s crown of thorns. In Dalmatia and Albania, a dagger blessed by a priest is used rather than a wooden stake. In Romania, the “execution” of a vampire is called “the great reparation” and must be performed at the first lights of dawn, and the stake must be plunged in one hit – else the vampire can resurrect. If the body doesn’t crumble into dust after having its heart pierced, one must decapitate the corpse (usually with a gravedigger’s spade) and burn it. The ashes then have to be either buried under the crossing of two roads, or scattered to the four winds.

Alright, but how do you recognize a vampire, huh? Things are even more complicated here because its region has its own variations. The most generic and recognized trait is that, when in his grave, the corpse that is the vampire doesn’t have either a rigor mortis, or any trace of rot, even several weeks after being buried. Another common trait of vampires is how hairy they are: they have bushy eyebrows, that often join together above the nose, and they have hair in the palm of their hands. Romanian vampires even have a short tail covered with fur, which grows with the heat, and which is supposed to be giving them magical powers. When there is a vampire epidemic, a ritual to know which grave is the one of the vampire went as such: a virgin teenager had to ride a horse who also had never known sex, either entirely black or entirely white. The horse had to enter the cemetery, and supposedly reacted to the grave where the vampire was to be found: a vampire tomb was also identified by how you could find little holes on the ground near it – because it was through these holes that the vampires escaped each night, turning himself into mist. It was also believed that the people born of the sexual union of a male vampire and a female human had the gift of immediately sensing and recognizing vampires: they were called in Serbia “vampiritch” or “vampirovitch”, while in Bohemia and Hungary they were called “dhampirs”.

Finally: how do you become a vampire? Good question! Technically speaking, every human being can become a vampire after death. Nobody is prevented from the risk. But some people are more likely than others to turn into blood-sucking monsters. As I said before, all those that did not received proper Christian funerals or were not buried in holy ground were more likely to become vampires. People who died by suicide or by violent death were more at risks, just like excommunicated people, witches/warlocks, and stillborn infants. Other individuals are predisposed to become a vampire rather because of traits they had when they were born: people born with one or several teeth in their mouth, people born with a “caul” (a piece of the placenta or of the amniotic membrane stuck on the face or head of the baby), people born with either very dark eyes or very bright-blue eyes ; as well as people born with red hair (which were thought to be the “hair of Judas”) or with red spots over their body. When these people came to pass away, extra-precautions were taken to make sure they did not return as a vampire: in Romania, a nail could be plunged in the corpse’s forehead, or the body was pricked with many needles ; or the body was covered with the fat of a pig killed on Saint Ignace’s Day.

It was also very common to place an item in the mouth of the defunct, to prevent the chewing of the shroud or to prevent the soul from returning inside the body: in Romania it was garlic, in Greece it was a Christian host, in Saxony it was a lemon. Sudetenland had the tradition of wrapping the dead in a sort of large stocking: the vampire could only break one stitch of it per year. In Russia, poppy seeds were rather placed in a vampire’s grave, cursing them to counting the seeds each night instead of going out into the world.

People who died excommunicated or of suicide were constantly buried at a crossroad formed by two paths. In Serbia, to protect a house from a vampire attack, a cross made of tar was painted on the doors and the windows ; while in Romania, garlic was hanged in every room, and rubbed onto the doors, windows, chimneys and keyholes. Finally, in Russia, all the roads leading to the cemetery had to be covered in either poppy seeds or briar thorns: the vampire would be forced to pick them up one by one on its way.