#did i tell you we got a dog??
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reading Krakoa era out of order bc reading lists online make it confusing and my local library only has so many books
just as god intended right on my friend you're doing everything right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
#snap chats#the key to reading comic books isnt to read them in order or even all of them just the ones you like#until eventually someone tells you some wack as hell fact about an issue and then you go read that one#many such cases why do you think i picked up onslaught revelation. cause that fucker is back#why do you think i picked up wolverine number 3 because my beautiful wife is hammered for two pages in it#brother was just talkin to me casually bout onslaught one day and i was like NO FUCKIN WAY thats how you do it !!!!!!!!#like the first krakoa story i read technically was resurrection of magneto followed by the trial of magneto#clearly we see i had an agenda vjALKJKLAJ BUT STILL#it was STILL a really good run ... i could piece together enough of the background before then and really enjoyed it on its own#with that said tho it was very cool/funny to see crumbs Of trial of magneto in way of x#BUT NOW I HAVE LEGION OF X HAHAAAA i cant wait to properly sit and read it ..... after i get through my New Mutants issues ....#i got those a while ago but i kept putting off reading them ... oops ..... i read the first one at least#i was gonna say something but i forgot. oh no i didnt i remember thats what i love about comic books#because theres So Many and so many timelines and stories it invites a lot of community interaction#just to be like 'oh hey did you know This happened in This issue you should check it out'. thats beautiful#even if. its to talk about utter dog shit like she lies with angels BUT STILL ITS COMMUNITY !!!!! we can be lovers AND haters together <3#its why i love getting physical comics too. i mean i dont have friends or people who visit me LOL#but i like the idea of bringing up what i have and letting people borrow it. community ......
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MAYBE I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL [ALL] GET YOURS
#GREG SWEEP!!!!!!! FUCK IT UP#i LOVE this framing of the episode sfm.#at the beginning tom tells him; you save information. you gather it up. and then you USE IT LATER when it will do the most damage#greg asked tom's permission first to damage sh*v and he got it. he acknowledged it and remembered it.#he saw how much tom was hurting and tired and stressed and fucked up. he witnessed sh*v take tom aside while all 3 siblings#were BATTERING tom and stressing him to shit. he SAW that afterwards tom was emotionally exhausted#he had enough of tom being fucked around so he was like do you want to fry her ass up? shall we tell them? shall we let the siblings know?#do you want me to do it? do you want me to be your attack dog? do you want me to bite for you? and tom said; wait#heel. so greg did.#and then RIGHT when it was needed the most. when sh*v came close. greg ATTACKED. gregweiler unleashed.#tom should come with a sign; CAUTION! GUARD DOG ON PREMESIS.#tomgreg#and greg has been threatened and given shit SO MANY TIMES and never used the information he's sponged.#he never used stuff he knows about ken even though ken threatened to burn him even after ken said he wouldn't.#it was for tom.
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yesterday my parents brought home a new dog without telling me first, knowing that i’m not ready for another dog yet after the death of my last one 🙃
#i know i won’t live here forever but unfortunately im here now and its just drudging up grief seeing a different dog in the house#a week or two ago they went to look at dogs without telling me and i told them i was upset about that#because they knew i didn’t want a dog yet#and they were like ‘sorry we thought you meant you didn’t want one at all so there was no point in telling you (??)’#‘we’ll have to talk about it’#there was no talking 🙃#i would’ve considered it even tho i didn’t feel ready if i was at least talked to first! and got to meet him at the shelter#instead of in my home!#literally two nights before they went to the shelter the first time i had a nightmare they brought a dog home without telling me#and then the night before they actually did i had that nightmare again#and thought ‘that’s a ridiculous dream obviously they wouldn’t do that without talking to me’#lol.#they said i ‘move too slow’#sorry i’ll grieve faster next time i guess!#i wouldn’t have done that to them if roles were reversed…#he’s technically here on a three night test period first but let’s be real they’re not gonna send him back to the shelter#and i’d be the villain if i suggested it#i don’t have the heart to send a dog back to the shelter but i feel like i was manipulated into this
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if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia
#borbtalks#'borb u got a letter from vsp. why are you paying for vsp. i dont think u need it bc of xyz. oh you're getting mail from y insurance?#they're a good company. im also covered under them. are they cheaper than ur previous one? they must be. did u know medicare has a page#online where u can compare all the plans? well did you? ik you've been on medicare longer than me but idk if you knew :/#sooo do u have a valid drivers license? oh when did u get it renewed? when does it expire? we were looking at car insurance earlier...#oh btw when are they gonna reevaluate u for disability? do u know? when did they last reevaluate u? when do they reevaluate others?#ANYWAY. what if i brought over x's dog. the dog that stresses ur cats out so much that they puke everywhere and spend all day hiding :)#wdym it'll stress [cat] out. what if he. didn't get stressed? :)'#like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#cant even walk into the bathroom without her trying to talk to me. can't make dinner w/o her trying to talk to me#and of course im the bad guy in telling her not to stress the cat out#just by saying 'vet says he's not supposed to get stressed out. he's at a higher risk for blockage if he does#which will KILL him.'#same woman who sat next to me while i was the phone w/ the phone company. petting the cat and whispering 'oh borb abuses u doesn't he?#maybe ill just steal you away one day. keep u away from borb. oh yes borb treats u oh so horribly.'#and my dad. sitting on the other side of me. said absolutely nothing.#i get it. im the family's designated fuck up!! the designated brat !!!! and no one gives a shit if my feelings get hurt !!!!!!!#i swear. my mother could smack me and everyone would rush to her side and comfort her stinging hand
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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pinning someone down and they're struggling against you and then they hit you with the dom stare, and so you don't really want to let go but you're excited to see what will happen so you loosen your grip a little bit and they say "you're loosening your grip" and you say "yeah i wanted to see what would happen" and they hit you with the "don't let go" with the fucking dom death stare look in your eyes so you have no choice but to obey and then they spend the rest of the time criticising you and making you readjust your grip ughhhhh
#dogbone#asexual kink#fear kink#this is the same fucker who gripped my leg with theirs and uhhh#told me how entertaining my reactions were#bro gripped my chin with their hand#and when that got a reaction out of me#went#ooooooh im good at this!#in like a delighted tone#like#did you think you were bad?????#why are you surprised??????#we went to a concert this weekend#and during the opening band#there was a lyric that said 101 dalmations and i still want that one dog#and she tilted my chin up with her finger and made me look at her during it#and uhhhhhhhhh#it bluescreened me#it wasnt this weekend actually it was yesterday#i lied#sorry beeg bark nation#im like high as shit rn#and whoo boy#kink and weed are a beautiful beautiful combination let me tell you#monster kink#t4t nsft#listen man#excellent day to be a monsterfucker head over heels in love with a monster#sometimes i worry that she secretly hates me and then she pulls shit like this
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you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."
#listen on one hand#i think that like#i don't think ted actually changed trent's mind about the title#i think trent changed it because ted asked him to#and like that's especially interesting bc he even made a point of being like#'tell me if you disagree with anything and i'll tell you why you're wrong'#but he respects ted; more than that he likes him and he wants him to like the book--like him#anyone else and trent would have told them to fuck off but ted? ted asking him to change the title? yeah#i think he didn't agree with 'it not being about him'--and not bc of any feelings he may have for ted--but if we accept that him changing#the title is canon then like. he did it because ted asked. nothing more nothing less#maybe he felt he owed it to ted as the subject of the book; maybe he just respected him too much not to#maybe it's partially bc of his feelings; maybe it's because he just couldn't say no to ted#but it's ultimately just. because ted asked him.#and trent respects him; trusts him; cares about him#and that's pretty heartwrenching#but like on the other hand if we say 'no that was ted's wishufl thinking trent definitely went 'sorry ted it's called the lasso way''#also like.... him being like. like quietly not changing it and if ted said something him just. being like#ted. i respect you. i care about you. i trust you. but with all due respect absolutely not#yes it isn't ONLY about you but YOU made this happen. YOU are special and YOU have a place here whether you can stay forever or not#yes it's about the team and the coaches yes you aren't a one man band but ted. TED. you touched lives. you changed lives. and that was YOU.#that was you and your philosophy and your attitude.#you made richmond what it is today. yes the team deserve credit too for the kind of bond they have now but YOU facilitated that#none of the coaches currently here woudl be coaches if not for you. the diamond dogs wouldn't exist. literally every single one#of our friends--OUR friends--wouldn't be where they are and probably wouldn't be as happy#you got through to people over and over again who were hurting and lashing out. to rebecca. to roy. to jamie. to nate. to me.#and you can be humble but there's being humble and there's acting like you don't matter to any of us like you didn't have an impact#like you can just leave without a trace. we don't blame you for leaving--i especially don't--but acting like we won't miss you and like#your time with all of us--our time--meant nothing is more insulting than it is humble because we /love you/#and yes. it was the goddamn lasso way that built this place#this community.
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one thing that i did think was really fun was that at first in this show there's what appears to be the by-now tired joke of buck not getting certain pop culture references because he's twenty-six, haha, kids these days, unaware of perfectly googleable and netflixable media properties. but then his thirty-something sister shows up and she also does not know the references
#i was like woah did they grow up real isolated. are we gonna find out their parents were like religious fundamentalists#but it's not even that (although they DID have a short parentified childhood). they just dont pay attention#oddly. he DOES know from myspace and what is and isn't appropriate on internet dating culture#but that is more due to the fact that hes got that dog in him#guarantee that none of his profiles ever mentioned movies or tv because he has only the vaguest notions of what's cool#it's especially fun because the people who dont know the jokes in tv are usually like the dorky wallflowers. but these two are like#hot confident funny etc . . but you could NOT get them to tell chris pine apart from chris pratt if their lives depended on it#and they live in LA#weewoo#q
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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I just wanna say that. there’s something incredibly morbid and gross about the fact that bones took away literally the only thing Sigma had to his name before the casino: his past. And not only his past itself, but his right to narrate his own past. Instead, the TWO lines they do keep about it (about him naming himself Sigma, and finally finding his one place to call home, the casino).... are given to Fyodor to say. Fyodor, his most recent manipulator in a long, long line of manipulators.
And not even just his past, but by extension so many of his strong, strong emotions about himself and what he’s been through and how they’ve made him into the person he is now: his fear, his sorrow, his desperation, his determination, his righteous indignation. His pain. The majority of that is all gone from the anime.
Sigma barely has a story of his own; his past, his suffering, and his emotions are the only things he has claim to, that make him who he is. And bones took even those away from him. Flattening him into an empty piece of paper, ironically, just like he was born from and as.
#bungou stray dogs#sigma#if you can't tell i'm mad lol#just like everyone else is#and will continue to be mad for a long long time#also in this same category: bones dehumanizing dazai by always cutting the moments where he shows true human emotion/vulnerability#because he always has to look ~cool~ and like an untouchable god#when that is literally antithesis to his entire character arc and dazai himself struggles to see himself as human#(only just now finally starting to accept that in chapter 105.5)#but i'm getting off-topic point is it's really gross and what they did to Sigma is in the same vein#the mangas and light novels are so kind and humane and empathetic........ and the anime is just nah what if we skipped all that lol#just focus on the cool flashy shit!!!!! ain't got time for all these ~feelings~ and deep complex philosophical concepts!!!#sometimes it feels like they get it (mushi's episodes and yosano's were a fluke istg) but most of the time they Don't#anyway i was writing that sigma fic anyway but it's especially fitting in light of how the anime treated him :))))#he deserves to be Mad. Enraged even.
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On tumblr when you post you’re just playing Russian roulette with your post getting attention, but it’ll probably get ignored.
On Reddit any comment you make outside of some very niche community will immediately have someone downvoting you and calling you like, three different insults. Then they will wonder why you only log in every couple months. Like, it’s a very helpful website when you have a question for another community you’re in, but you’ll also get someone being immediately hostile when you make an innocuous post on a garden subreddit 😑
At least on tumblr people have to actually seek out your random ass text posts and go out of their way to start shit, and you don’t have the up and down vote system that feels like playing with my self confidence and worth issues.
Both websites are toxic part of the time (what social media isn’t?) and both are actually more useful for weird people, but holy shit does Reddit feel more aggressive about shit. Maybe it’s just the devil you know, but at least on this mess of a website half your hate will be for the most random shit and misunderstandings that people have to seek out finding if your blog is a normal size. Reddit is either posting on a dead sub or getting immediately thrown to the, well, sharks and wolves aren’t actually super aggressive towards humans under normal circumstances, so something else that could tear you apart instantly for just existing in the same space as them.
#emma posts#there’s a reason i stopped spending as much time on that site#multiple actually. but one of them is that website is like ‘rsd trigger simulator’#and tumblr is like ‘how dare you say we piss on the poor’#everyone is an idiot in both places. but one is instantly more volatile#it’s preactically on sight#other social media is mostly being used by me to post my art or talk to irl friends and family#some of those sites are wild. but not in such an instant way#provided you aren’t huge or have some internet hate stalker#my first deviantart account was wild like that. you phrase something awkwardly at the age of 13 and you suddenly have one or two 16ish year#olds stalking you and telling you to Kys and threatening your family#but that was in the old days. haven’t run into that in years#but seriously. whoever those people were. I hope you feel like shit about those past actions#especially because that 13 year old had made art and posts about her depression 😑#and irl bullying#I hope you got better. sincerely. but if not? die#jk. but still#actually. no. if you’re still telling people that sort of thing try it on yourself#i don’t have a twitter. I don’t plan on getting one. but I’ve heard that’s toxic too. but for the brief time I did try it years ago I was#just ignored by most people#I also like websites where you can share other posts with followers but that might be because one of my first socials was facebook#Facebook is still useful for local stuff. but it’s not as anonymous I guess#even on Facebook though it feels somewhat less ‘on sight’ attacking#but gods. the ‘piss poor reading comprehension’ website is so much more comfortable than the ‘dog piled for asking about a plant’ website#and the ‘just block them’ culture is so useful#i make a post on Reddit like ‘anyone know of houseplants that are like this?’ and have some dude downvote me and respond like#‘are we supposed to be your servants’ like dude. just ignore the post if you don’t want to answer the question#and I’m not touching anime subs with a 10ft pole#looked at one once and went ‘never touching that again’
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AMAZING CRANE WIVES ALBUM I LOVED IT A LOT!!! MAD DOG RUSHING RIVER ARCTURUS BEAMING SCARS MY BELOVEDS!!!
ALSO
Was SOOOO not expecting them to drop a single today, of all days. And it FREAKING SLAPS 👏🏼!! BEAT DROPS INSANE
#6#The Score#The Crane Wives#Two completely different like genres#Any Score or TCW fans who don’t know who the other are I recommend!!!#For the record I don’t expect anything of Edan and Eddie#‘Tis merely a joke#THE ALBUM THO GOES SO HARD#SCARS AND BITTER MEDS VERY GOOD AS ALWAYS#HIGHER GROUND JAZZY AND COOL LOVE THE EARTH METAPHORSSSSS#So sorry but predator is just okay#SAY IT IS SO GAYYYYYY AND AWESOME IT IS IN THE NEVERMORE PLAYLIST AS WE SPEAK#MAD DOG GOES SO HARD GRRRRRRRR CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF IT#Love the beat of Time Will Change You but it is just kinda okay#Black Hole Fantasy is very gay love the imagery and stuff. Idk how to feel about it tho not quiiiiittteeee for me#RED CLAY DAN’S SINGING DEBUT HE DID SUCH A GOOD JOB (tho sometimes their voices got very melded and I couldn’t tell the difference)#RIVER RUSHING SLAPS SO HARD#THAT INTRO IS SOMETHING ELSEEEEEEE#I can’t wait to hear these songs live they’re made for that#Visions again gave me a heart attack#Saw the notification and audibly sobbed#I only have this tumblr for social media so I don’t know what they’re doing#Every single they’ve put out has given a heart attack#But the music is amazing so I don’t care ❤️❤️❤️❤️#TMAGP ARCANE CRANE WIVES SCORE THURSDAYYYYYYYY#Spotify
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another funny thing is how every single thing produced or written by a doctor on something that is not commonly diagnosed is like, come on, we're trying!!!! remember that we're trying!!! if a doctor doesn't have the information you need, it's not necessarily their fault, they're working with whta they have :(((( come oooonnnn, it's probably that doctor's birthday, he's just a little doctor birthday boy. you're going to be mad at him on his birthday? wow. did you know every doctor was born on the same day so when you are mad at one you're mad on ALL of our birthdays? we're trying!!!! remember that we're trying!!!! we don't have the resources!!!! and we're not going to look for them <3
#i wished i lived in this fantasy world where the active resistance of doctors wasn't completely destroying my life#where it was just a matter of not knowing and not active hostility#it's one thing for a doctor to be like oh hm i don't know let me try looking into this or referring you to someone who might know#but 90% of doctors i've dealt with have been like lmao suffer and didn't try anything or refer me anywhere#and even if they DO that they are punished. my current psychiatrist(s) does so much and gets swatted down at every turn#and to be clear the last 10% here tried one (1) thing (basic metabolic workup) and then when it showed nothing were like#okay you are fine 🙏 bye#i do not have very much love for doctors and sorry to bitch about that all the time but as an offshoot of my last post#i cannot complain around my family because then it's like uwu 🥺 did you tell the doctor you have a dog. did you tell him you have a dog.#did you tell the doctor you have a dog this could be a dog allergy did you tell him that you--#shoutout to the doctor who was helpful and then decided that he was done and just going to prescribe claritin#and then didn't even bother to do that when i went by the pharmacy#not that it really matters i already did antihistamines but it was a good try <3#should we throw a party <3 should we invite the nurse that when i burst into tears said nothing and just walked out <3#he at least humored me and ordered some more testing but only after making it clear that i was stupid for asking and that he was humoring m#got some of the results back and surprise surprise it's very autoimmune#health
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playing inquisition first really is the move because you can finish the whole entire thing and won’t even realize how much of an absolute fucking slog it is until you start the other two
#dragon age#dai#dang I really was like “’idk what everyone’s on about I love this game it’s so good???’#and then I started origins lmaooooo#‘oh I love an open world’#‘it sucks that da2 reuses maps’ bestie you rotate kirkwall in your head like a gas station hot dog when you can’t sleep#tried to hype myself up to replay inquisition by being like ‘we just have to get through the hinterlands and then we’re in the clear’#and then I thought about the storm coast and the western approach and the exalted plains and I just do not have the strength to do this arm#emerald graves and hissing wastes and crestwood my beloveds you did nothing wrong#emprise du lion you’re on thin fucking ice (literally)#don’t even get me started on the voiced lines and the absolute blandness of the inquisitor vs hawke and hof I cannot acknowledge this#like you’re gonna tell me they’ve got all these origins and they make no impact on the story in the slightest???? cmoooooon bro#give my gworl something to chew on I cannot be handling ALL of the character development by fully ignoring in-game canon#also bring back city elves in dreadwolf you fucking cowards
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oh man. i am so......... i will vent in the tags
#my dog was put to rest today. it was tough. but i got most of my sadness out of the way yesterday.#after that#a random ass dog came into our yard and starting being aggressive and growling and barking#and we have an outdoor cat and chickens#he was being nice for a bit but got mad again and i got so mad at him after he bit at my rooster.#he turned out to be okay but i am so pissed#animal control was called. we stood outside for a solid hour waiting on them. we saw them drive past our house#they did not stop to help us#this dog is harrassing everyone in the neighborhood and we are all so tired#we took our cat in the house. the chickens are in the coop now.#so theyre safe#but somebody has to come get this stupid dog#god i hate the government. emergency services are total ass and balls. nobody ever fucking shows up when you need them#weve had problems with animal control refusing to come out and help us when a big dog was harrassing our dog#and when they finally did show up after we begged them they were being assholes and acting like the stray was our pet we just wanted rid of#and this time they just dont show up at all#after calling us to tell us they were on their way. been hours now#i am so exhausted#and now i have to take a test for a class i really want to pass but i always do horrible on the tests. and i am just so so exhausted#feel awful right now.#aguuughghhh#delete later#.txt
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naturally i’m gonna be very upset at 6:09 am after an all-nighter over my brother and his actions
#personal#not the middle one we’re okay rn and talking again and he helped me get with my new job#even tho we haven’t spoken about the door and im not supposed to know he paid for it#so good but watch out#the eldest one i’m like hey i was gonna forgive ghosting me or flaking on plans you made with me for our dad#or not communicating that you already got everything done with said dad and all i really knew was my dad asking asking asking for his#eldest son and struggling for an answer for him#and even like not checking on me at all after i got kicked out and bringing a girl back and asking me to pretend to be asleep#god i regret not sleeping in a rest stop like planned that was so much worse#and also you and other brother just ignoring me begging for help telling you i got back into my ed and honestly going through the worst#time of my life also weed dependent to just cope and also my job sucked. minor but still#but again was ready to let it go bc you were so obviously in pain at the funeral i couldn’t be mad at that#but like why. after i offered to clean up after ur dogs did you um. ask me to do it again#then cussed me out after i asked that you don’t ask on the dot of when my shifts end#and then after mom told me i was selfish while struggling with a full time job and taking care of my dying father and struggling with that#and i was just asking what ur living situation was bc i felt like. hm. being told i’m awful for struggling during my dads death is a lot#instead of just saying no you go on a rant about how when we finally want to move in with you you’re doing something else and general#shit giving. instead of again. just saying no. or hell. checking on me.#so it’s like i’ll love you until every star gives out i can’t fucking look at you bc i’m so hurt#we haven’t talked since then and im not gonna hear from him till he asks what i want from christmas or he needs something#christ last time he checked on me was a segway to helping me going about the hoarder house as he loves calling it#i can’t believe i sent him photos of our dads writing saying i love you and his only question was is it still hoarder central#i was gonna type something mean i’m gonna lay down#i don’t want any gifts why would i want a gift. told him that i was hurt and didn’t want a gift my birthday and he responded and it’s gonna#and he’s didn’t respond*#be the same game during christmas#you brought a girl over on such an awful fucking night for me why would i want a gift#and it’s not like he hasn’t been there and doesn’t love me it’s just i’m hurt#and it’s not like he had all this space and my other brother and i never used it! i got kicked out and stayed a night!#other brother moved in with you! sorry circumstances led to me staying longer! just say no!
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