#did i reference any canon info for this nope

[siryouarebeingmocked]

Found an Self-Insert Cyberpunk fanfic.

Except it's not the usual type. It's the type where it's told entirely from the perspective of people other than the SI, which makes it more interesting.

Problem 1: Current events.

Almost all the references people make are ones you'd expect from someone today, like Batman or other pieces of pop culture.

Cyberpunk 2077 often references fictional in-universe media. Like the dead rock star stuck in V's head. In a world where everything and everyone is disposable and temporary, why would people usually reference 80 year old media?

At one point, a character explicitly compares another character's clothing to Danny DeVito in Matilda.

Okay, the CP timeline divergences mainly started in the 90s. So it's possible that the movie was still made, but it's still odd. Especially when the same characters don't recognize that the story's lead is heavily based on Walter White. Shaved head and everything.

Except he's using his chemistry potential for good, not evil.

And it's not just media. It's also Current Year memes, like V describing certain people as a "corpo bros who watched too much American Psycho", or himself as a "disaster bisexual".

Oh look, a segue.

Problem 2: Rainbow connection.

The story puts a lot of emphasis on LGBT characters.

There's Judy Alvarez, obviously. But also, V's in with Meredith Stout is Stout's explicitly non-binary ex who, you guessed it, is they/them.

Adds nothing to the story. The SI provides that info, and Meredith tries to trip V up, but he sees through it.

Since Meredith is a Militech Corpo, and V is an Arasaka ex-Corpo (who still isn't over it), why doesn't V…just use that connection, somehow? Militech and Arasaka are rivals. There could be some friction there. Or V could sympathize with how Stout would do anything to keep her job.

Why are non-binary characters always just they/them? Why not he/she/they? He/She? Xi/xir? or Lunagender? Or using regular He or She interchangably while IDing as enby? Why is it always the basic, simple, "normal" version? Got a Rochester's Wife situation going on?*

Also, in fanfics, things like this often suggest even more awkward left-wing political insertions, down the line.

Problem 3: even more awkward left-wing political insertions.

Well, just one.

Panam Palmer just didn't fit. This wasn't rare in Night City. Lots of people who didn't fit in, were awkward, had no social groups, didn't choose to be loners. She expected to be alone in the city and no one cared. But it was personal hate. Her skin color, nomad markings, speech, just being a woman. The list went on and every day there was some new jerk who needed to find out, because they messed around.

Panam is canonically native American, according to the devs, but she looks like a random white biker lady wth a tan. Wouldn't be the first white-passing Native woman I've seen.

Also, she lives and works around Night City. Which is extremely diverse.

Judy Alvarez and Jackie (both Hispanic) were both POV characters, and race wasn't really mentioned. You'd think ex-Arasaka V or someone would mention Arasaka's racism, but nope. River Ward was a viewpoint character, and he's much more visibly non-white, down to his necklace and dreamcatcher (if romanced).

He only brings it up in the fic when Misty asks him if he ever had his fortune told. Apparently his granny did a "spirit walk" when him and his sister were born.**

I've seen playthroughs of the game, and I don't remember sexism really being a thing. Why would skin color matter much when anyone can change that and other ethnic features at will?

Why did race only come up as a significant thing now?

I'd expect Panam to get the most stick for being a Nomad, not brown, or a woman. Especially in a city where any woman could sprout mantis blades and go Cyberpsycho at the drop of a hat.

This feels…reductive. Like the writer wanted to give Panam challeges to overcome so she could be a Tough Woman™, and just…piled too much on, like a Chicago hot dog.

I would've gone with something more subtle. "Her back itches without her Nomad tribe behind her, and she's uncomfortable in a city instead of a desert, or a road. Even the echoes sound wrong."

So, yeah, this was the last straw.

Also, I checked the writer's profile, and, very stereotypically, she's from Portland.

*Also, you might recall that there was a nontroversy over an soda ad in the game featuring a lady with, ahem, a rather substantial bulge. Based on an actual trans woman. Somehow, portraying a (possible) trans woman in the same sexually objectified way as ads featuring non-trans people is transphobic.

I never worked out that logic.

My best guess is that some people were uncomfy with it, and it's about a trans person, so it's must be *phobic somehow.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the ad was just Photoshop in universe? Or the in-universe model was a non-trans woman who strapped on the junk just for the ad?

(Though depending on who you ask, that still counts as being a trans woman, somehow.)

**Come to think, that kind of feels like it's stereotyping. I can't find evidence Pomo Native Americans do spirit walks, but maybe my Google-fu is just weak.

[thebluestbluewords]

Hi, for the VK guide book, did they mention anything about Northern Wei?

Hi nonnie!

In the Villain Kids’ Guide for New VKs, I don’t recall…..anything about Northern Wei. I did a quick flip through just now, and I’m not seeing any information at all about it, which is interesting because I could swear that I read the name in an official source somewhere. For reference, he’s what I could find on Lonnie’s page in the VK guidebook:

Badass, good at swords, daughter of Fa Mulan and Li Shang…..great, but not what I’m looking for. Maybe the map will have more info:

Unfortunately nope! Northern Wei isn’t even LABELED on the map in the VKs guide for new VKs, although it’s probably somewhere along the Great Wall of Auradon, right??

Because I have access to more of the tie-in books, I checked the next most likely source, which was the Secrets of Auradon Prep: An Insider’s Handbook (my copy was bought secondhand so please just ignore the pen marks):

Nothing on the History of Auradon page, although this map does look a lot like the one I remember from the first movie.

Fascinatingly, this book DOES have a more detailed map showing what I HOPE are all of the 19 regions. Weirdly, Northern Wei isn’t on them. Although…some of the text is genuinely too small to read even in the printed copy, so I guess the mouse didn’t expect adults with too much time on their hands to try and read into this. A quick journey through the wiki reveals that Lonnie joins the Northern Wei ROAR team, so it’s a place that was confirmed somewhere in canon…or else the wiki is unsourced, which is also entirely possible at this point.

I went even deeper into the wiki, and on Lonnie’s character page for the main movies, it says that the imperial palace of Northern Wei is mentioned in the Isle of the Lost: A Descendants Novel (the first of the Melissa de la Cruz novels)

so, because I am committed at this point, I grabbed the book. And finally, on page 48:

The Imperial Palace is confirmed to be book canon, but still no information on Northern Wei.

After some more wiki searching, it looks like the only canon mention of Northern Wei miiiiight be in the Lonnie’s Warrior Sword book, which unfortunately is one of the few that I don’t have access to right now.

So TL;DR, there’s no information on Northern Wei in the Villain Kids’ Guide for New VKs, and also I think there might be a conspiracy against the books giving any actual solid information for the kingdoms outside of Auradon.

hope this….helps?

[r-2006-official]

Progress Report - October 2024

Hello, everyone! Hope you’re all doing well. Happy first progress report, and Happy Halloween!!!

I’ve never done one of these before, so bear with me as I try to figure it out.

Very nice news to share: in the past month, I’ve gotten a lot of preliminary planning done, to the point that I have a complete first draft of the outline of Sonic’s story! Of course, there’s still quite a bit I have to do; things will definitely be changed as I get to work on Shadow and Silver’s stories, but it’s a huge chunk of planning that I didn’t expect to be done this quickly. I also made a lot of progress on planning a side story I’m developing…but I fear I’ll say too much if I elaborate. Lastly, I’m working on - you guessed it - planning what designs I might want to change, and how I want to change them.

Anyways, I wanted to answer some questions some of you might have.

Q&A

How much of the game will you be rewriting?

I’m actually rewriting a lot less than I thought I would be (but still quite a lot). I’m trying to take the base concepts/structure of what was in the original game and make sense of it. Not everything will make the cut, but I’m trying to stay as close to the original vision of the game as possible with a little bit of my headcanons sprinkled in. Think of it a bit like the Resident Evil remakes; the broad strokes are (mostly) the same, but specific details differ.

How many stories will it have?

Four: Sonic’s, Shadow’s, Silver’s, and Final, same as the original.

What inspired this?

I’ve seen a couple people rewrite Sonic ‘06 over the years (mainly Story Surgery and Garrulous64), and I’ve wanted to try to do it myself for a while. The fact that Mephiles showed up again in Sonic x Shadow Generations (and there is some SHIT to unpack there) was the final kick I needed to start. There’s also, of course, the Snapcube dub. Expect at least one reference.

Will it be playable?

Sort of. It won’t be playable like the original (I’m nowhere NEAR able to program an entire game by myself, and I don’t want the gameplay to be Sonic ‘06 Two: Electric Boogaloo), but I will be describing my vision for if this game was actually playable as it goes along. Instead of traditional Sonic gameplay, I’ll be presenting the story in the form of a visual novel.

What engine are you using?

Ren’Py! It’s a free, Python-based engine made specifically for visual novels that’s really easy to learn and use! It’s actually the engine that Doki Doki Literature Club was made in; if that doesn’t speak for how versatile Ren’Py is, I don’t know what does.

Are you doing this all by yourself?

As of now, yes. If I do end up bringing someone else on for art, voice acting, etc., it probably won’t be for a while.

Did you say voice acting?

Yep! Ideally I do want to have voice acting. Whether or not it WILL, it’s too early to say.

Which characters will be staying?

As of now, all major characters will be returning. Whether that ends up sticking is to be determined.

And Sonic Man, of course. Who could forget Sonic Man?

Will [insert plot point] still be in the final version?

That’ll have to wait at least until I have a concrete outline - and there’s some things I want to keep a secret until the final release.

Will Elise still kiss Sonic?

Nope. First, I don’t ship it (but no shame if you do!). Second, even if I did, the current plan is to at least try to leave any ships up to interpretation.

Is Rush/Rivals canon?

No. Silver and Blaze are going to have a new backstory which’ll probably get expanded on at some point. Canon is a sandbox and I am a five year old at play.

When is the finished game coming out?

No clue yet, I literally started this a month ago and have real life to juggle with this.

Where can I get the most up to date info?

These monthly progress reports are going to be the primary source for information. I also might be dropping things more frequently depending on what stage of production I’m in, but that remains to be seen. Regardless, any updates will be the same on both the official tumblr (r-2006-official) and the Game Jolt page (sorry, itch.io people).

And that’s pretty much it! Hopefully by next month I’ll have more to report on. If you have questions you’d like me to answer next month, leave a comment!

Thanks for reading, and until next time!

-Calypso

[v-arbellanaris]

FAQ

about

vee, xhe/xer, 30. i don’t have twitter. i write, i read, i enable. big fan of villains, especially when they’re killing people and doing awful things. the more atrocities, the better.

before you ask a question...

I have a personal question about you that isn’t listed in your about

everything you need to know about me

Haha, very funny, no but seriously, I wanna know–

i don’t owe the internet any personal information about myself. you are not entitled to any piece of me that i don’t choose to share.

How can you like/dislike [fictional character]?!

they’re fictional

But THAT CHARACTER is evil and awful! Look at all the awful things they’ve done! Does this mean you condone their actions? / But THAT CHARACTER is so good! Look at all the amazing and morally upstanding things they’ve done! How can you not like them? / It’s hypocritical to like THAT character but hate THIS one because–

tbh all of this sounds like a you problem so good luck with that

Why do you have anon off?

because i can turn it off. the option to send me asks on anon is a privilege that i don’t always want to grant, especially when people take advantage of anonymity and use it to be abusive, invasive and entitled. 

When are you going to respond to my prompt? When are you going to update [x] fic?

my posting schedule 

I didn’t unfollow you but I’m not following you anymore. Did you softblock me?

nope. my blog was terminated briefly on 16 dec 2022 for having a vpn on while browsing on pc (don’t do that, apparently), which has messed with my follower count a bit. i don’t usually bother with softblocking these days, so feel free to follow me again if you want to!

tags of interest/writing

my da meta

other people’s da meta living in my head rent free 

wip wednesday

vee rewrites da (meta/references/info/worldbuilding work/character work i plan to incorporate into my personal canon)

byf

this is a fandom blog primarily, so real life politics may seep in occasionally but i don’t do my activism on tumblr.

if you’re checking this bc you’re worried i won’t wanna interact bc you like certain characters that i am critical of, this is my reassurance that i don’t really care unless you’re gonna be an asshole abt the characters i like.

this blog is also fairly bioware critical and anti chantry – it doesn’t necessarily mean i hate the series, or even that i hate specific characters, but i do engage w the content critically (and it’s all tagged with “#[character] critical”, “bioware critical” and “anti chantry” specifically), but if that doesn’t float your boat, feel free to skip this blog.

i WILL block for clowning on my posts. i also block because i hate the way you interpret canon or my favourite characters – and if you feel that way about me, i encourage you to do the same instead of wasting both of our times with anon. i use the block button liberally and generously and so should you <3

other info

minors interact at your own discretion. smts i forget to tag 18+ content

if ya need anythin tagged that i dont already just lmk – unless it’s the word queer. 

credits

mobile header and sidebar art is emerald graves concept art by matt rhodes for dragon age: inquisition.

icon is fanart birthday gift of my warden kalyani tabris by @/demandthedoodles.

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(i've wanted to write this out for a long time, and i finally did. we all know i have the hc that sirius stopped smoking when lily was pregnant and took up knitting instead; and now i am introducing to you the stupidest headcanon of sirus "alternative coping mechanism is now related to my hair" black, who changed his hair every two seconds when he got stressed.

including the day harry was born)

--

The patronus came when Sirius arrived back to the tiny flat he shared with Remus after an order mission. Remus was still gone and Sirius was looking forward to washing the dirt from his hands, and sweat from his hair. Halfway to the bathroom when an ethereal stag form appeared in front of him.

"Lily's water broke! We're at St. Mungo's, she's not in active labor--"

"I THINK THIS IS PRETTY BLOODY ACTIVE, JAMES!"

"I love you so much, you're stunning, baby," James voice said, "We're at St. Mungos! WE HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY, PADS!"

Sirius forgot about the shower and apparated out of the flat before the stag could even fully disappear. He didn't bother taking his bike as he preferred to do these days, Sirius didn't even have a bag--the one he had packed in his room full of clothes for James and Lily, and a baby blanket that Sirius had bought while shopping just a few weeks ago because surely that thing would be freezing cold when it came out. And the hospital blankets weren't going to cut it. This baby needed soft and luxurious from the moment he entered the world. This baby needed the best there was. Sirius didn't remember his own birth, but he was sure the temperature wasn't a big adjustment leaving Walburga's womb.

His own mother was hard and frozen like ice.

Lily's womb was probably cozy; comfortable and had the tiny baby waiting until the very last moment of July to emerge. Sirius had barely made it to November he was desperate so to leave his mother's body. Perhaps if Lily had been less kind, less accepting, less generous, the baby would've wanted to leave sooner, dodging the end of July entirely.

Dodging a line a fate entirely.

Sirius arrived at St. Mungos, rushing up the stairs, not even thinking twice that a hospital wasn't a place for running, to find the receptionist in the labor and delivery wing on the third floor.

"Hello, good evening, I have a baby coming--" Sirius started, looking at the witch behind the desk, trying to catch his breath.

"Congratulations, Dad--"

"No, I'm not the father, my best friend is, I need to find them. The Potters? Tiny screaming redhead anywhere? Bloke with the messiest hair?"

"I'm sorry, sir, the only ones allowed in the delivery rooms are family."

"I am! I'm his brother!"

"Sir, you are welcome to wait out in the waiting area, we'll give you updates but this is sensitive and--"

"I lied! I was just joking, I'm actually the father. That is...yep, that's my kid in there, that I made with...my...wife, please," Sirius ran a hand over his sweaty and filthy hair, which was getting messier by the moment. Curls frizzing from the heat, falling out of his hairband in disarray. "Just let me in there. You know what? I'm really fucking rich, how much do they pay you, love? I'll triple that."

The witch smiled, "Sir. I really am sorry. I can get someone to update you--"

"Every minute?"

"Sir," she repeated for the fourth time, "You're welcome to have a seat. Would you like tea? There's...a toilet down to the right if you need to wash...up..."

Sirius took a breath and looked down at himself, trying to regain some composure, all too aware that he was presenting like a madman to a witch who was just trying to do her job. He stood up straighter, "Sorry."

"Not at all, you're not the first concerned...half-parent to be here. Tea?"

Sirius nodded and went to take a seat, leaning forward onto his knees as he waited for the next update.

--

Turns out, labor could go on for fucking hours. And the more hours went by, the more anxious Sirius got. What if something went wrong? What if they weren't telling him? What if Lily had stopped pushing halfway through and they were trying to figure out how to sew baby halves together to make a whole? They updated Sirius every hour, a Healer from the room who was being nice and passing notes back and forth between James and himself, but eventually, that got to be anxiety-inducing as well.

His leg started shaking as he sat, so he stood up.

He paced the waiting room over and over again.

He went to the lav and splashed cold water on his face.

And again.

Hoping for anything. Hoping for Remus to get the fucking memo and show up soon, Sirius was only a little annoyed that he had to rely on his stupid cool as a fucking cucumber boyfriend to bring him down to earth.

But nothing.

Sirius was alone in the waiting room, waiting, and he hated it.

"Fuck it," he said and approached the witch at the front desk, "If I step out, will I still be updated?"

"Yes, sir, we can send a patronus, there's a coffee--"

"Perfect. Patronus can go to Sirius Black, I'll be back," he told her and left the waiting room and St. Mungos entirely. Apparating to a wizarding beauty supply store he had been frequenting for the past six months, realizing that his hair always grew back, and modifications to his appearance calmed his nerves better than firewhiskey. Or a cigarette.

Two things he hadn't indulged in over 7 months.

He made a purchase quickly, going back to St. Mungos and taking refuge in the lav, setting to work with a hair potion the witch at the shop told him would do the job.

His scalp burned. That was something.

He paced.

He cut off three inches. Imperfectly. Hair settling just at his jawline in a messy line, the witch at the front desk watching with amusement and horror as Sirius made trips to their small lavatory, emerging every time looking different until finally.

"Sirius?" the delivery Healer who had been coming out to update him said, looking at him with wide eyes

"Yes? Hi, that's me, still. You know that. Is everything okay?"

"Everything okay. They're very excited to see you. Would you like to--"

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, following the Healer down the hall past the doors that he hadn't been able to get through before. And he had tried, listening after security threatened to ban him from the hospital entirely. Sirius didn't know where he was going, walking so fast past the Healer, who ended up shouting directions at Sirius from behind "

"To the left, not that left, the other, yes, it's the THIRD DOOR, SIRIUS COUNT THE DOORS, ONE, TWO, YES! THAT'S THE--"

Sirius opened the door, walking into the room to see James and Lily and..a third friend.

A new friend.

A new tiny bundle, that stole Sirius's breath straight from his body before he even got close to see if it was a whole baby, and not just half of one from his anxious waiting room nightmares.

James was holding the baby in his arms, head turning to look at Sirius as he walked in and his jaw fell open.

"Am I high from all these potions or are...." Lily laughed, a short throaty laugh, "Are...you blonde?"

"I was waiting there a long time, okay? I was panicking" Sirius told them as a feeble explanation, "Are you okay? Do we--"

James pulled back the blanket just enough to reveal a head of dark hair, sleeping peacefully in his father's.

"Stop panicking," Lily said gently, "And meet my baby, he was a lot of work to get out."

"....He?" Sirius asked, blinking rapidly as tears blurred his vision, the weight of the day vanishing in an instant. Suddenly the world was full of color and smells that Sirius hadn't ever experienced. The sun would rise in the morning and Sirius knew it was going to be brighter than he had ever seen it. James reached a hand up to touch Sirius's hair, which was still damp from the bleaching potion and probably not his best look since experimenting with his hair, but that didn't matter.

"Sirius Black, meet Harry James Potter. Your godson."

That word was different now. Even though Sirius had known for months that was something James and Lily wanted to give to Sirius.

Godfather.

But it was all...so hard to imagine without a baby present, what that word really, truly meant. He inhaled, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears off his face quickly, Lily laughing softly.

"You sure?" Sirius asked, bringing one of his tattooed hands up to touch the blanket. To touch the tiny hand peaking out. Tiny fingers. Tiny fingernails.

"Sirius, you just harassed everyone in this wing for over 12 hours. I am the most sure," James told him, "Even though you kind of look like your cousin right now."

"My cousin?"

"Yeah, that blonde one? Could never see the resemblance but--" James's sentence was cut off by Lilys laughter, but Sirius wasn't really paying attention to the remark. Tiny fingers curled around the top of Sirius's black nail.

Hello, my love.

"...Can I hold him?"

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to ROCKETEAR!

It's a long post, but when are these ever really short? xD Seeing Carapace first made me so excited. I've been sad we haven't had much of him in the show. And then I saw that it seemed like Ladynoir was doing pretty good as they only had Carapace helping them this time. More S2 & S3 like. So I was like cool, cool, this is great. But what the heck scientist WHY ARE YOU BRINGING TYRANNOSAURUS REX'S BACK! Obviously she's going to be something big later on, she's too nicely animated not to be back. Not to mention Bob Roth's plans. Anyone else both intrigued but also scared at what that could do later? Big upcoming plot point, I think.

I screamed awwww because this is everything. I've wanted a LB/Carapace and Marinette/Nino friendship bond in this show since season 1. This scene made me incredibly happy! I'm a huge Nino fan, for those that don't know, so you can imagine how much I love this episode. Even though sad Nino.

"Alya, everyone has to believe that you will never use the Miraculous again!" End of episode: So anyway... So what I'm seeing here is, Alya's not fond of the idea of being just a spy, not being in on the action. Even though it's Ladybug's plan. Chat Noir isn't fond of what's going on right now either, where he thinks what's going on is all Ladybug's plans. Alya makes the decision to not do what Ladybug wants and tells Nino she's still Rena Rouge. So what's Chat Noir going to do to go against her? Because that's coming up on the horizon. Despite everything being easier for Marinette since everything's not just on her shoulders now, she's still been unable to play video games with her dad, and we know how much she loves doing that. :c That's really sad she doesn't even have time for her family anymore. DJWifi over here being all adorable. "You don't love me anymore!" Me: *Chat Blanc flashbacks* Alya suggests her new content could be Chat Noir edits and Marinette's like YES DO THOSE. Then those edits helped push Nino into thinking she was into Chat. Big oops. Not gonna lie, the rewind freaked me out for a moment. Last time I saw that was Chat Blanc so I thought something big was up. But nope, it's just like that scene in Puppeteer 2. Ugh poor Nino! He knows something's bothering Alya, but she won't say what it is and her behavior's too off from how she normally is. Poor guy. x.x Grumpy Nino that Carapace doesn't get attention and then they wrote his girlfriend with Chat Noir. I remember when Alya was grumpy for a bit about Rena Rouge not getting a party to celebrate her. Movie Ladybug telling Movie Chat Noir that he's better with Movie Rena Rouge. Is this a reference to the episode in Avatar, The Ember Island Players? Getting strong vibes when Play Aang and Play Katara were like, we're just friends nothing more and it's great! Play Katara was extremely into Play Zuko. I can see why Ladybug dismissed the movie (or was it the previous one since it's been awhile? Maybe?) because Rena Rouge and Chat Noir???? The writers (of the movie) just wanted to be different because everyone can see Ladynoir, unless they're blind. Alya and Nino are Andre's favorite couple. YES THANK YOU. I mean they're not my favorite because Love Square. BUT they're my second favorite next to them. Those kids are super adorable but definitely that kid playing Chat wasn't doing Nino any favors. First picture Alya shows. Chat with a heart tail. Yeah that's not doing her any favors lol. Nino: UGH CHAT NOIR'S COMING IN BETWEEN ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND. I KNOW, I'LL CALL MY BEST FRIEND TO VENT TO ABOUT IT. Best Friend Chat Noir: Best Friend Chat Noir: Welp maybe I should see what's up. Maybe I went a little to hard on the cat charm and she's fallen in love with me. Me: Oh oof here we go. Also can I ask, if anyone knows, who animated this episode? The fluidity is great and it looks really pretty. But it doesn't quite look like SAMG's work either. Whoever did it, I love it. S2 Chat Noir: You're not replacing me with a turtle, are you? :c S4 Nino: Who would want a reckless turtle as a partner? BOYS STOP. But yeah this whole scene had me laughing so hard XD Very dramatic and I love it. Nino's hilarious even when he's worried and sad! I would've absolutely loved to have heard this in English with the old English voice of Nino, but the new one worries me on whether or not he'll do a good job sounding like Nino and less high-pitched and whiny. :/ New York Nino was great but S4 Nino....x.x THE TRANSITION BETWEEN HIS INNER MONOLOGUE AND SPEAKING REGULARLY AGAIN 😂😂😂😂 Brilliant! It doesn't really feel like Miraculous Ladybug this episode, and I love it. Not that I don't love the show as usual but wow this is great. Okay, I want to point out that Chat Noir

probably was more worried about it than he would've been otherwise because of what happened with Marinette in Weredad. It probably made him more cautious about this sort of thing.

LOL Chat's sulking because Alya's laughing at the idea of being interested in him. 😂😂 I know that's a blow to one's ego and all, and he's dealt with this kind of thing a lot so I do feel bad for him, but that is his best friend's girlfriend and he definitely doesn't want her to like him. Alya: With him it's not just ❤️it's *makes massive hand gesture indicating she loves him deeply* SO SO SO CUTE OKAY ALL THIS DJWIFI 😭 Alya: And I don't even know your secret identity! I would never fall in love with someone I don't know. Chat Noir, literally fell in love with Ladybug, whose identity he doesn't know. Well Alya, I wonder if you saying that matters for later somehow.... o.O Nino running away crying is honestly one of the things that hurts me most in the entire show. Ugh. Adrien over here being all, I'm having a good day. I'm happy and smiling and it's great. And then it wasn't. Adrien, if Nino let him and didn't interrupt, would've told him about how Alya really doesn't love Chat Noir, and that would've seriously led up to his identity being exposed since Nino was watching and filmed them. o.o Did you notice how he was going to tell him about it? S4, the basement is where it's at. Adrien: Uhh, when did you arrange all this? Nino: *pounds fist on desk* I ASK THE QUESTIONS! 😂 So like. Why is Nino interrogating Adrien when he's after Chat Noir? He doesn't know they're the same person. XD He's looking at him like Adrien has info he's keeping or something omg.

Also again this animation is so nice. Adrien, feeling uncomfortable and so turns the music off. Nino, wanting his dramatic music on while he interrogates Adrien, turns it back on. Adrien, feeling even more irritated and uncomfortable, wants the music OFF and turns it off. Nino, turns the music back on. This may be a reference to something, I don't know, but lolol it's so funny. This episode is both super hilarious and super angsty! Honestly they've done such a good job in my opinion. Nino: I'm talking about something that I shouldn't tell you! ...but I'm going to tell you anyway! Alya's Rena Rouge and I'm Carapace! Okay but the way Adrien went from shock to utter anger, knocked his chair back and grabbed Nino's shoulders like "Tell me the truth. You two know about each other?" Aw man, my poor sunshine boy. A lot of the stuff bothering Adrien is all circumstantial, none of it is to purposefully keep him in the dark. And yet from his perspective, that's how it looks. "I thought secret identities must be protected at all times! If that was the truth, you would never tell me this!" Alright so three things. If he's referring to him saying that Nino and Alya know about each other, that was situational and important info for him to know now that this is out. It wasn't important to know before this. The time it happened was dire and was really no time to get around it. If he's talking about Nino telling him the secrets, well yeah that's not supposed to happen and Nino broke that trust. But also, I get the feeling pretty strongly at this point Adrien's going to be breaking some rules too and one of which is he's going to tell Nino who he is. Adrien's being too emotional in this scene to not be involved in it all, I'm wondering if that's going to be questioned later by Nino. He's acting like he knows too much to be a random viewer of the heroes like the rest of Paris. Also Adrien's best friend just totally dissed Chat Noir and went off about how he throws himself at Ladybug whenever he sees her with roses and love confessions. 😂😂😂 This is just too funny! "But he's always rejected because Ladybug finds him annoying! And she's completely right!" Omg Nino, that's not the reason anymore, shush! "And then Rena Rouge appears and he goes *tickles under Adrien's chin* hey pretty lady! You look elegant and you have great perfume." OMG does Chat Noir actually say and do stuff like that to Rena Rouge or is he just exaggerating here XD "If I could I would shut his mouth forever!" Yeah Nino, say what you really think about your best friend in the entire world. Yikes poor Adrien though. I never imagined he'd hear all these bad things about himself from his best friend directly like that. :/ That's a major misunderstanding of him. Which kind of pushes me more towards the "he's going to tell Nino" theory. Sad Adrien transformation DDDX Alya: *explained everything about why Chat Noir went over to her house in the middle of the night* Marinette *facepalm* Ugh that Chat Noir... Well at least there will be no misunderstandings there! xD "Chat Noir, you stole Alya from me! I will steal your life from you." Good lord man calm down. You can't just kill a man! Fanon: Chat Noir gets attacked by a guy over Marinette. Canon: Chat Noir gets attacked by a guy over Alya. Time to go back to the basement! lol Nino's music's still playing xD And the video is left with it paused on Chat Noir hugging Alya. Marinette looked a bit sad, but it was probably more about the situation being a mess rather than being sad he'd hug her. Meanwhile, Chat Noir's fighting Nino and would rather get beaten up by him than fight. x.x "I can't believe that I doubted you." "I can't believe I chose to do anything but be with you!" She wiped away akumatized Nino's tear just like how Ladybug wiped away akumatized Chat Noir's. ALL THE PARALLELS 😭😭😭 But that hug is so sweet!! Nino broke off the akumatization just like Alya did :o Dang, I wonder if that means something later too. "Love and secrets do not go well together, Ladybug. And I'm sure you have a lot of

them!" Secrets = from Chat Noir. Love = for Chat Noir. Yeah even Shadow Moth knows at this point. xP Thanks for that foreshadowing. Nino's charm is my favorite charm so far! It's my favorite shade of blue. Chat Noir: Everybody has doubts sometimes...even me." Ladybug: Is everything okay, Chat Noir? Chat: Oh yes...pound it!

So um. The placemet of Adrien's poster in between Chat Noir, Ladybug, and just with this entire situation feels very strange. Very intentional. But no clue exactly what that could mean..... Nino and Alya are happy over there watching those two, like they're waiting for them to figure things out or something. But really, Adrien should've talked to Ladybug when he could still do so calmly and be reasonable. I doubt that's going to be the case later on. And honestly Ladybug doesn't even know what's going on. Every episode we've seen really either has them working together or she's unable to be Ladybug when he's unable to be Chat Noir most of the time. I've said it before but these two really need to communicate. Nino and Alya are like a less adorably romantic version of what they'd be. "But they're a couple and they know their secret identities, so why does that rule exist for us but they can know?" Very simple. Because they were temporary holders and the Miraculous they had, Hawk Moth hasn't made it his life's mission to obtain, unlike them, who are permanent holders and Hawk Moth's been after them fiercely to make a Wish that could destroy everything. But. The fact he's asking this, and Marinette's Chat Blanc nightmare, really points in the direction that he's going to eventually find out that while she's thought about telling him all along, Chat Blanc's kept her from doing so.

Okay, so while it looks like he's staring up at the moon, if you notice, it really is just one of the pink bubbles.

Now, they could be making it seem like it's the moon though to give it a double meaning. But poor Kitty, he's feeling so awful right now over in that dark corner Dx Nino felt bad for only two episodes? and it got resolved, so hopefully this all won't last too much longer for him! Marinette had a few shaky episodes so hopefully he'll have a few before it gets resolved. But somehow I think that may be wishful thinking. This episode was so amazing, honestly. Wonderful writing, made me laugh a lot, aw a lot, and hurt a lot. It focused on the core 4 characters which I've wanted more of for a long time. The animation was beautiful. And it just felt so different in such a good way. Chat Noir's having a hard time right now, and I know there's a lot of anger and hate about it going around. But please, think of this as him hitting a rough spot in the road to a much better and brighter future. He's going to end up okay, he'll understand it all someday. And that day's honestly not that far for him if you think about it.

[phoenixyfriend]

The IzuTobi Prequel

Prequel to this post, which I’ve taken to calling the “Red Eyes = Spouse Material” AU.

WARNING: contains a reference to worries/fears of sexual coercion.

Like, okay, they did not know that Tobirama had red eyes at first. They weren't close enough on the river for Izuna to see, since he didn't have Sharingan yet, while Tajima and Madara were looking at their respective opponents, not Tobirama.

Then, once they were in their early teens, and Izuna already had his Sharingan, they met on the battlefield for the first time, and Izuna saw Tobirama's eyes. Sure, Tobirama wouldn't meet his gaze, but Izuna could still see him.

And Izuna, as is only natural, went to Madara to ask 'hey uhhhhhhhhh one of our enemies is actually Amaterasu-blessed, what do.'

And Madara's just like '!!!!!' because hey actually this is great news everybody knows that the first step upon meeting an unmarried stranger with red eyes is to figure out who the best person to court them is, they can get a marriage alliance out of this to end the bloodshed and child death! Even the Elders can't argue against having a clan marriage to an Amaterasu-blessed indivi--

They object.

Well, Tajima objects.

Madara and Izuna bring the issue to him, both pretty excited about doing the whole "arranged engagement in the early teens, actual marriage at twenty or so" thing as a way to stop killing kids but Nope! For a variety of reasons, most of which boil down on Tajima's side to "the Senju have killed three of my children, I have no interest in taking in one of their own," the plan is shot down.

Madara and Izuna are naturally devastated but keep an eye out for like. A chance. To slip the info to Tobirama or Hashirama so they're at least aware of the possibility for when Tajima dies, in case Butsuma is more open to it?

I can't decide if they actually manage to set up a Secret Meeting prior to their dads' deaths, but I'm leaning towards 'no.'

(In this plot, Izuna is still wary of the Senju, but much more open to the idea of peace on account of Auspicious Omens Are Here.)

Anyway, Tajima dies first, I think, and Madara's first act as Clan Head is to send Hashirama a request by hawk for a private meeting. Hashirama is still only heir, not Clan Head, but Butsuma is ill (infected wound, I think), so Hashirama has the option of accepting this.

They meet, and Madara explains that he can sway most of the clan into an alliance--not just an armistice, but an actual alliance, possibly even establish that village they talked about as kids--if they can marry Tobirama into the Uchiha.

"Does it have to be Tobirama?" Hashirama asks, because he's not the best brother, but he's good enough to know that Tobirama hates the idea of getting married.

"Yes," Madara says, and then explains that it's all in the eyes, that this is a deeply spiritual thing to the clan and while some of the more militant elders may object, most of the clan will take the red eyes as a sign that this is intended to happen.

And Hashirama is quiet, and then asks if a marriage would require Tobirama to sire any children.

"We're not going to try to steal a kekkei genkai."

"That's not it."

"...wait, does he prefer men? We can--we can make that happen. If it's... hell, in that case it might work better, he could marry me or Izuna, direct connection to the main house, skip the issue of heirs and--"

"No, that's not... not it. But it makes me feel better to know that. I'll have to run it past him."

Tobirama is VERY ace and Hashirama had strict plans to respect that so he's trying to feel out if consummation would be required, or if a kiss for the wedding and then cohabitation would be enough.

Internal logic is "I want peace but not at the expense of handing my brother over for coerced marital rape where he thinks he can't say no without restarting the war."

He manages to get the agreement that the Uchiha weren't looking to pressure Tobirama into any sex-related things, though Madara still thinks it's a matter of Bloodline Protection and that Hashirama is worried about, like, someone trying to steal surplus semen or something.

Hashirama goes home and outlines it to Tobirama, who is very ??? about the whole thing but willing to at least consider it after Hashirama explains the basic requirements and how he confirmed that sexual relations aren't necessary. Hashirama floats it past Butsuma as a Theoretical Exercise, and is shot down.

So, Hashirama sends Madara a letter to the effect of "Our esteemed Clan Head says no, but we'll keep it in mind [insert veiled implication that Butsuma's dying anyway here]."

Madara and Hashirama have always kinda held back against each other, but now Tobirama and Izuna are also holding back the teensiest bit, just enough that nobody can be sure (and tell Butsuma or and Elder about it).

Well, Touka notices, but her first resort is "ask Tobirama to his face" and second resort is "bother Hashirama about it" so she gets the rundown on how Madara and Izuna are angling to get a political marriage with Tobirama since his eyes are Apparently a spiritual matter to the Uchiha as a whole.

Obviously, Butsuma dies, and Hashirama then immediately sends Madara a letter like "HEY so I'm Clan Head now, here's a nice inn located in neutral territory, bring your brother and an advisor, I'll do the same, let's hammer out a contract ASAP."

So it's Hashirama, Tobirama, and Touka on one side, Madara, Izuna, and Hikaku on the other.

Tobirama explains that he refuses to engage in sexual relations with anyone he marries (internally he's thinking that he might eventually take interest if he gets comfortable enough, but overall the entire concept is a little disgusting to him, and he doesn't want anyone to think they can convince him to do it, so he takes a hardline stance during the marriage contract negotiation process), but is open to his marriage partner engaging in an extramarital affair for a period of time in order to secure an heir.

"I promise we're not trying to steal your--" "Madara. Look at me. I do not like sex, and have never had any intention to engage in the activity with anyone, Uchiha or Senju or any clan at all. I had no plans for marriage, ever. The only reason I am opening myself to this one is because I value the opportunity for peace." "...oh."

So, you know, that's out in the open now, but it actually makes it easier to negotiate because they now know why he's uncomfortable with the idea of marriage, so other things (like the cohabitation and dowry and whatnot) can be discussed without people getting resentful about the other party not trusting them with genetic material. Hashirama and Madara get really excited about the whole village idea again, in part because Hashirama wants his brother to be able to visit Really Easily.

At one point they ask Tobirama who he wants to marry, if there's anyone he's interested in? Male or female? What ages is he comfortable with? Main line would be most politically expedient, but--

And he's just like "I know Izuna best, as my rival, and I've taken note of enough recently to know he's not a terrible person, at least as far as any shinobi can be 'good.' If Izuna is open to it, then I would like to discuss what cohabitation would look like between us. Should our expectations of daily life line up well enough, then I imagine that would be optimal."

Izuna's torn, because Amaterasu-blessed, but also he'd kind of been hoping for a Real Marriage with Affection and Children. Touka loudly suggests they take a recess and let Tobirama and Izuna talk in private for a bit.

Izuna manages to get across his personal worries, and Tobirama laughs and says that he actually loves children and was planning to take on plenty of students. "If you don't like the option of the extramarital affair for a child, we could always adopt. As for affection... I've been told I cling like an eel in my sleep, if that suggests anything."

"So if I grew enough feelings that I wanted, like... a good morning kiss or something..." "Quite frankly, my feelings on kissing in general are pretty neutral. It's a little strange, but I could engage with it, once a rapport is built. Heavy petting is distasteful, however, and anything past that..."

And Izuna listens to all that like "Oh. Okay, I will be able to Acquire Cuddles."

Then they discuss the whole 'what do we anticipate out of cohabitation' thing, like pets and cleanliness standards and what spare rooms are for and what goes on in the basement and allergies. It matches up... not perfectly, really, but close enough that they can make it work. They shake hands like the nerds they are and call their families back in and say they've decided it'll work so let's get that paperwork drawn up and start planning a wedding.

Aaaaaaaaaaand then Zetsu kills Izuna and convinces Madara that it was Tobirama's fault so he loses the plot (or, well, finds the canon plot, really).

I'm happy to imagine Tobirama and Izuna on a couch in their house, Izuna halfway asleep and leaning his head on Tobirama's shoulder, while Tobirama's got on a pair of glasses and is reading a book.

Just. Really domestic.

Cutesy.

IDK I feel like they just end up as pleasant roommates who don't necessarily ignore each other, but are well aware of the fact that they entered into this arrangement with non-romance expectations, and they're both okay with that.

They take dinner together, talk shop, try to engage with each other's hobbies, go to events as each other's default plus-one...

It’s Nice

[botwstoriesandsuch]

DEAR FISH FUCKERS, YOU’RE WELCOME

I’ve done what no other has done before (to my knowledge) and found the aging system for the Zora! 

Ok so this started as simple research for this ask

See, I misread the phrasing of “best educated guess” to “research for 2 hours and come to a conclusive answer” so anyhow before I indulge you into the answers of the universe allow me to explain the research I’ve come across 

[TL;DR at the bottom]

So firstly, we have to look at our conclusive evidence, from which we’ll base our theory/headcanon on, which can mainly be found in the Creating a Champion book, and some dialogue in game. I’ve compiled them all in these bullets here

Zora children are around 20ish years old [as said by dialogue with Finley in her love letter sidequest, I don’t have a screenshot but please just take my word for it]

150ish is considered middle-aged for Zora

Muzu is around 4 centuries old 

Curved claws, weathered fins, and worn noses are signs of an older Zora that is more than 3 centuries(ish) old

Zora that were friends with Link must be around 150ish (not just 100), since you need to also account for the 20+ years of growing from a child stage, to the more normal sized form that you see them in the game, ergo, it’s that age plus the 100 years stasis that we determine the “middle age” of around 150

150 is the middle age, double that for the average old age of 300 years, but I say it could go to 400 too for additional reasons I’ll explain later with examples with my final age system. Anyhow, Muzu is around 400 if you take the 100 years for actually growing up from childhood, additional 100+ years of holding a different job as I doubt you just straight out hire a councilman without experience, and then another century for where he first started working in in the council, training Mipha, which would overlap with the period of the pre and post Great Calamity and Link’s return, meaning that’s 3 centuries plus 50ish years if we’re being generous with the overlap. This would help line up with the “for over a century” line as that doesn’t quite mean 2 centuries of working in the council, but Muzu is definitely getting up there to 4 centuries for his age alone

Now, I thought, this was gonna be my breakthrough, this screenshot here, depicting the traits of the older Zora. The elderly Zora are probably around 3 centuries old (since King Dorephan said they were young men around Mipha’s time, 150ish+100 gives us the range of 250-300), so I was like “Oh l can look at the size of their fins and noses and head/tail things and find a more efficient way to find their age” but nOPE. There is very little variation in that ballpark, the Zora either have exaggerated weathered noses or nice and shiny fins and no in between. The size of their head fins are roughly the same, with again, the only exaggerated differences being with the King and Sidon which doesn’t help at all because the Royal Zora already have a bunch of other difference such as their SIZE to name one.

I even went to the part about their curved toes, which initially would line up with some other Zora like Muzu

And let me tell you

I’ve looked at their toes

This is them from a child, a middle-aged, and an elderly. Color doesn’t matter and the curve? Well there’s

BARELY A DIFFERENCE 

At least not nearly enough to find an efficient way to find age. Even Muzu’s final model didn’t have the exaggerated curvature as seen in the book.

I looked at their tail tail fins, (not the tail on their head, but their actual small rounded tail fin by their butts) because the book also mentioned how the grown Zora have more pronounced tail fins compared to the kids, but it was the same for the 150s and the 300s sooo not that helpful

So I kept digging. In the book I found that King Dorephan was crowned around 100 years before the game started. In addition I reread the 10 Zora stone monuments and found that he had killed a Guardian with his bare hands and thrown it off a cliff, which he still had a scar from. 

[and yes I attempted to find his definitive age by seeing how long it takes for a scar to fade but I gave up cause Zora anatomy is too different to find a conclusive answer]

So I was like, “ok Dorephan had to have been around 150 when he came to the throne, then 50 years later the guardians are excavated giving way to the story about the guardian...” blah blah blahbla I even went to the supposed site where that guardian was, but it all didn’t really give me that much more info than what I already knew. I was researching ways to age the rock monuments from visuals alone which needless to say is pretty impossible, so I gave up on finding Dorephan’s age and I kept digging. 

All I wanted was something physical that could properly give way to identifying a Zora’s age was that too much to ask???

Now this is where I had all but given up, it seems that my only answer was this vague note about how their fins move up when they grow

Which, to be fair, held true when I looked at the in-game character models myself, but I can’t exactly pixel measure these things for each Zora.

But THAT’S where the revelation came. I was so focused on finding inconsistencies within the elderly Zora, when I should have been looking at the young baby ones. See, this pictures, literally right next to the page about elderly Zora that I was analyzing for ages, is the key to it all

Now, I was thinking about the rings on a tree, and certain species of banded fish that grow and discard different markings as they grow older, I even counted the neck rings on certain Zora to see if they did that thing where they add a ring for each birthday like some African and Asian cultures do (look it up, that stuff’s pretty interesting!) and that is where it struck me.

Count how many luminescent markings are on their head 

The males have 11, the females have 8  (on the one side, the other side has the same number of dots but for simplicity purposes I’m doing one side)

Now let’s count for these Zoras, who are middle aged-ish

The male has 10, the female has 7.

Now let’s look at the oldest Zora that we know of

3 dots above the eye, four on the tail. Muzu that motherfucker has 7 damn dots and I couldn’t be happier.

MY DUDES, GALS, AND PALS THIS IS IT, I’VE CHECKED AND DOUBLE CHECKED WITH NEARLY EVERY ZORA I COULD AND THE NUMBER OF LUMINESCENT MARKINGS ON THEIR HEAD CORRESPONDS WITH THE AMOUNT OF CENTURIES THEY’VE LIVED, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY      DOWN     TO     THE     DOT

First we have Muzu, who as I’ve preciously stated is around 4 centuries old. 11-4? Oh, it’s seven, and that’s the amount of markings he has? OOoo??

How about this Zora Lady who recognized Link from 100 years ago?

Seven dots? 8-7 is 1 so shes just over one century which lines up timeline wise. You can even see how the third dot is slowing shrinking on her head so she’s coming up on 2 centuries 

Ok how about the elders?

NINE. 11-9 is 2 centuries, with again, the dot by their head shrinking significantly showing how they’re getting up on 3 centuries.

The part I circled in green there is jewelry, not a marking, however this only goes further to prove my point. What better way to appear youthful than to have jewelry that makes it look like you have more markings than you have, made with luminous stone, no less.

This guy? Seggin? Super close to 4 centuries, those dots are fading away fast. Count your days old timer

Random dude that doesn’t recognize Link but is an new apprentice for sculpture making? 10 dots, a fresh 1 century pal, lookin young

I was a feral child running across the Domain screaming people’s ages in their face like a rude, naive, brat, I was elated to say the least. Especially since this system even works on the King himself

[plus one dot slightly behind the fin here...]

King Dorephan has 7 dots, he’s 400 years old. Which still lines up timeline wise, especially since he’s similar age with Muzu who he has stated is one of his most trusted advisors, beecaaaaaaaause of the years they’ve spent working together the timelines match uppppppp

This system works for almost all Zora, with 2 exceptions. Guards have helmets that cover their markings, so it’s impossible to tell. In addition, Prince Sidon, has sixteen lights on this hammerhead because he’s fancy like that (we already know he’s canonically 2ish centuries old anyhow from the DLC)

EDIT: I WAS WRONG THIS WORKS FOR SIDON TOO. The sixteen markings I was referring to was actually the amount of marking on each side of the head total, however if we look at the markings for only one side, like intended

Ten dots, Sidon’s over 100 years old. I’d say he’s closer to 150 given the timeline

Essentially, the most surefire way to find almost any Zora’s age is to identify a male or female Zora, count the number of lights on the side of their head/tail thing, then subtract from 11 if they’re a male, and from 8 for a female. The number left is how many centuries they’ve lived. You can check to see if their markings are shrinking and fading to get a sense if they’re coming up on the next century anytime soon. Comparing this with the oldest Zora we see in game, we can conclusively say that the Zora lifespan is around 3 to 4 centuries since no Zora has been seen with less than seven markings

Now go and make your Zora ocs with your appropriate number of lights. I’m gonna have a cookie

[buttmuncher91]

a lot of advanceshippers love to say such bs about Drew even to this day. Drew is not my favorite character & it’s fine to prefer advanceshipping over contestshipping and I kinda like advanceshipping , but some of the things they say are ridiculous! This is not bashing on all advanceshippers or advanceshipping in general, this is just some quotes (not exact) I’ve seen that I’ve had problems with.

”Drew is a jerk! Ash would treat her right!“

Both would treat her just fine! Drew watches out for her & tells her when Harley is tricking her, saved her friends & brother when she was busy, saves her friends, cheers her up when she’s down, & they both calmly talk to each other when alone.

Besides, there are some things to point Ash being a jerk to her too! Ash yelled at her because he was butthurt he had no boat to get his next gym badge & skips out on watching some of her contest when May even watches him battle regular trainers.

And it’s not like May is an innocent angel herself. She yelled at Ash & Drew for no reason, had her torchic attack Ash, & forced Ash to agree to let her travel with him by bringing up her bike.

I know May & Ash have developed a lot sense than, but so has Drew & y’all are just stuck viewing him how he reacted at the beginning.

”May hates Drew & loves ash!“

She doesnt hate Drew. At the very worst, she sees him as a friend & has seen him that way by “Who, What, When, Where, Wynut.” Like I said we seen them talk a lot when they run into each other & heck, she even ditched the group, including Ash as he was talking to her, to talk to Drew when she saw Drew. So tell me again how she loves Ash way more than Drew lol!

And in ”Spontaneous Combustion“ May blushes at Drew after he waved and walked off. May never blushed around Ash, even when some weird couple accused her of being Ash’s lover. And there was nothing in that scene that indicates her getting red met something else. She wasn’t sick, doesn’t look mad, didn’t do anything embarrassing, etc... so it looks as if she really likes Drew.

”Drew is a flirts with any girl & would cheat on May, but Ash would never cheat on her!”

You people have nothing to back this up. Drew had fangirls gushing all over him? May being Norman‘s daughter and probably because she’s referred to as hoenn princess, has a lot of fanboys! In fact, Ash is more likely to cheat on May then Drew dispite him being oblivious, as Drew showed 0 interest in his fangirls & ran from them. If he was such a flirt, he wouldn’t run from fan girls, but would try & you know, FLIRT with them. Drew also showed 0 interest for other girls, & only teases May. You advanceshipper fanbrats (not saying all advanceshippers are fanbrats just the advanceshippers who think this) only pretend he is to make up reasons for May to reject Drew.

”He only likes May for her rack, & wouldn’t care for her if it was flat!“

Talk about reaching. Drew only stares at her FACE! He never stared at them, & the anime gave her chest 0 focus. He isn’t just some creeper. Despite not being interested in her, he treated Breanna nicely & she was flat. He may just have puppy love/a crush on her, but saying he’s just trying to win her because of her rack is complete bs!

”Think about it, Drew & May would make ugly babies!”

Based on what? Cuz Drew has green hair? As someone whose least favorite color is green (okay, okay dark/forest green is pretty), I think this is a stupid claim. Even with a weird hair color, there’s a chance the child could be cute, & really beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hair color is NOT even close to a huge factor to what separates not ugly to ugly. And they don’t have to make babies if they do get together. They can just choose to adopt to help out those who need a home or just happily be with each other with no children at all.

”Drew is in less episodes with May than Ash, so advanceshipping is better & will be canon!”

🤦‍♀️Misty has the most screen time with ash. By this cruddy ”logic,” Misty & ash (so far) are canon. Yes, misty has much more screen time with ash than May. Misty had all of Kanto, Orange Islands, AND Jhoto with ash... as well as a cameo with ash in Hoenn, and TWO separate cameos in Alola. And at this point, May could have spent more time with Drew. It’s been 4 regions that Ash hasn’t even thought of 1 of her Pokémon after all this time. I’m no pokeshipper, but let’s be real here.

And most of the time Ash & May are on screen, it’s them focusing on their goals/Pokémon. They cheer & encourage each other too, but it’s mostly friendship stuff. Could something happen later on between them to spark love? Sure. But nothing in the anime ever pointed to that. And you can literally say that with Ash and... ANYONE! Like Ash could grow up, met back up with Roxie & they could fall for each other.

When Drew appears on screen, you mostly see hard evidence for contestshipping, weather on Drew’s side, May’s side, or both. Yes, there’s evidence on BOTH sides that they like each other. At best, advanceshipping looks one-sided on May’s side. And even then, it mostly looked that way in the beginning of AG. There’s way more evidence that May likes Drew & vice vesa than with ash & May, even with “less contestshipping hints!“ A lot of hints for shippings are overblown. Not just advanceshipping hints, but poke/pearl/negai(actually never mind, negai is under looked & over hated)/amour/etc... are over blown & it’s just ash being his usual nice/childish self. With Drew, it’s obvious he likes her as how he constantly stares at her, teases her, gives her red roses (& says they’re for beutifly), etc... While I think I covered how May likes Drew enough already. And yes, this could just be a kiddy crush for the both of them, but in the end there’s still harder evidence that Drew & May like each other.

Plus there are a lot of canon fictIonal couples who had less screen time with each other than other characters. Naruhina, ichihime, Hinny, gochi, etc...

“Drew never saves May’s life, unlike Ash!”

So? May never even tried to saved Ash, like she did with Drew!

Ash has also saved: Angie (who has a more confirmed crush on ash), Dawn, Pikachu (3x I can think of), Chinchar, Lillie (or at least attempts to help a lot of times), Celiebi, Erika’s Gloom, Serena, Misty’s sisters Pokémon, a ton of CotDs & their Pokémon...

And what of those who saved Ash? Misty, Sabrina’s... family photographer, Gary, Iris, Clemont’s father, Zeroara dude, a ton of officer jennys, Pikachu, a lapras, Paul, Drew (ya keep on hating him if it werent for him Ash Brock and Max would probably be dead in that crate Jessie, James & Meowth trapped them in so not even advanceshipping could happen).

“Rivals can’t be dating!”

Where did you get this bs? Even in the pokeani IN THE AG SERIES this has been proven false. Watch Pasificlog Jam again. Who put you in charge of how couples should work anyways? If a writer wants to have rivals hookup in their story, than they have that freedom to have the rivals hookup regardless how upset you get over it.

“Ash & May kissed in a banned episode, so advanceshipping is canon not contestshipping!”

Come on guys, they’re 10. The anime creators aren’t gonna have two 10 yr olds kiss on the lips. Its really creepy some person came up with this. No, it’s not creepy cuz I don’t like advaceshipping (I actually like some aspects of it). Again, it’s creepy because they’re 10. If they were like 13+ yrs old, it‘d be okay, but NOT 10. Plus, even Japan is very sensitive when having kissing on the lips happen with kid shows. Even with adults, they censor it/show something else as the kiss happens & just imply it happened. Expecally how they view kissing on the lips in the first place, they ain’t having 2 ten year olds kiss.

And there would be NOTHING to imply that they where going to kiss. Around this time this episode that they kissed claimed to happen (episode 357), Ash & co. where heading to fortree. Nothing ever was implied from the both of them even want to kiss each other. They just where supportive friends of each other with no hinting there where secret feelings or developing feelings from ether of them. Theres also nothing beyond that episode that implied the kiss happened. Because if it did actually happen, I’m sure something like that would impact the next few episodes, but nope no mention of any kiss nor do ash & May act any differently around each other in 358 and beyond. So even if it did happen, it was going to more than likely sink the ship, like it was some akaward thing they did because they were “under the mistletoe“ & afterwards just agreed to be friends & forget about it. The pokemon anime was always about friendship, adventure, and Pokemon themselves, never romance.

Also episode 357 is “Take This House and Shuppet!” not “A Kiss Under the Mistletoe!“ The Japanese episode is the same as the English barring names & episode number.

Were do you get such a sorce for this info? “my friend’s japanese friend who talked to the director of the AG anime & saw it!” or some other ridiculous unreliable garbage like that? Give me actual sources with interviews from the writers talking about this supposed banned episode. Bet you can’t, unless it’s fake & unreliable. If it existed, it would have floated up by someone from Japan. After All, even if for 20 mins that episode should’ve existed if it was just banned. Like “Electric Soldier Porygon” was banned completely & only aired one time in Japan. However, there are places that you can watch the episode despite it being completely banned due to putting a lot of children in the hospital from seizures. That was older than the supposed advanceshipping kiss episode as ’Electric Soldier Porygon’ is a Original Series episode in Kanto the 38th episode. No one can find this supposed advanceshipping episode nor is it even listed in the banned episode list. It should be harder to find this older banned episode than it should be to find this supposed banned kiss episode.

“Why should May choose Drew over Ash? Ash is like a literal god!”

What? Yes, he’s befriended every legendary & come back though poketears, save the world so many times, has arua abilities (he rarely uses), & whatever else, but it’s not like he seems that BA or whatever. Ash not aging seems over focused on, when in reality NO ONE is aging. It took him 7 regions to win 1 league (a questionable one at that), can’t remember Pokémon he seen before & sometimes forgets what he learned, & needs saved by others sometimes. Some god, can’t even rescue himself. Besides, who knows what Drew has done on his adventures. Drew has also saved Ash, Brock, & Max from trouble, isn’t Drew awesome saving someone ”like a god!”? Drew also has beat him in a battle as well, is that y’all’s problem?

And where is Ash’s voice in all this? It’s like this in all this anti-Drew bs. “Drew is just this terrible creature who possesses all 7 deadly sins & is the creation of Giratina & thus May hates & so does everyone else! However... blessed by Arceus himself, we all just know not dense Ash Ketchem is waiting to sweep May off her feet & save her from the demonic spawn that is Drew who is lusting after her bewbs😡” (<-original ideas, do not steal jkjk). Like there’s NOTHING to indicate ash wants her. And do you think this of May as well? Like do y‘all think May is just this perfect, sweetest, most divine woman in the pokeani that only Ash “blessed by Arceus“ is the only guy that should be blessed by such an angel? 🤣

Look, I like Ash & I like May. But even with my favorite characters I wouldn’t go as far as to think so highly of them that it makes Helga’s obsession with Arnold look like nothing. And just because Ash is more amazing with more feets & whatever, doesn’t mean May has to love ash or that Ash has to choose may because Drew doesn’t measure up to him.🤷‍♀️ Just think about it, should Timmy’s mom go with Dinkleburg? After all, he is smarter than Timmy’s dad, has more money & is more successful than he is. And Wandesemo is more popular, not stupid, & mostly competent unlike Casmo. Should Wanda dump Casmo for him? Of course i understand wanting the best person to end with you’re favorite character. But that’s not how love works & in the long run isn’t fair to both Ash & May (& Drew, but I know you haters don’t care about that).

[melis-writes]

Hi Mel!!!

I’ve been debating if I should read The Godfather, I’ve had the book for almost 2 years in my tbr pile, I’m a die hard fan of the trilogy, and of course of Al.

I just don’t want to be disappointed I feel like I expect so much from the book. Okay so the point of all this is to ask if have you read the book! And if you have what can I expect from it, Give me a full review hahaha!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Omg, hello, hello!! ❤ I would love to give you a full review of this fantastic novel (without any spoilers, of course!)! 🤗

I'll be honest with you, I think like most people I watched the first two movies and then I read the book. Before I read the book, I heard there was more than one (which is where it gets confusing), so I just went: "Oh, so if there's more than one book, it's probably for the plot of the second movie, and third one". Nope. I was wrong. Maybe a good thing, though? 😂

"The Godfather" by Mario Puzo is the first and only original book. It's canon. It's the book the film was based off of. "The Godfather's Return" and "The Godfather's Revenge" are written by Mark Winegardner and are not canon. They are spinoff books, so... I think basically glorified, published fanfiction. 🤣 I personally will not and won't read them past what I already know/have seen. I think the plot is cringe, I think the characters are wildly different (especially Michael), I think it's ridiculous and of course, Puzo did not write them. Just my opinion, though.

"The Family Corleone" by Edward Falco also falls under this non-canon category. "The Sicilian" by Mario Puzo is based in The Godfather world with the characters we all know and love, including Michael (which I cry over all the time because it was made into a movie in the 80s without Godfather references when we could have had Al as Michael again...😭), but you want to focus on the first and original book!

You should definitely read it!! 🥰 But I will say, it's very different from the movie! I enjoyed comparing and contrasting the differences! Michael is much more warm, friendly, and loveable?! He laughs and giggles, and he smiles a lot. His relationship with Kay is described in detail (lots of sex too lmao), Kay isn't annoying or insufferable and rather she doesn't question Michael at all about his business and supports him. 👀 It actually kinda bummed me out they made Kay the way she was in the movie. You may be very surprised to see how they get back together in the book as compared to the movie!

Even after all the tragedy Michael goes through, he still has some warmth left in him. He's honest, especially to Kay. He's much more of a black sheep in the family in the book than the movie. You can feel how distant he is. I personally didn't get any badass Don vibes in the book that we get from the second movie and this basically has everything to do with the fact that Michael wasn't a stone cold monster in the books. You also get to learn a lot about his morality and what he thinks/values in general.

Puzo's writing is definitely interesting in that he describes anything about everything ever. Especially Sonny's dick. 💀💀 The length of Sonny's dick and who he's fucking is mentioned so, so much. 😵 You also get a very detailed view and plot of Johnny Fontane and his personal life which not even a crumb of made it into the movie. Also Lucy Mancini, the girl Sonny fucked at Connie's wedding? A lot more on her life with and after Sonny romance wise!

There's also some bits about Kay's personal life and her family too. Lots of background info on how Tom got adopted into the family. Michael also never had a daughter, but unfortunately there's basically zero parenting on Michael's behalf in the book. 🥺

More on Apollonia than what the movie provided us, but not by much. She's only mentioned in the brief chapter when Michael sees her in Sicily, however if you do read carefully, Puzo gives away Apollonia's feelings on the whole affair (which I won't spoil!) with Michael, and an insight on how their married life was and how Michael and Apollonia spent time together. More "I'm horny and have been for months" in the book than "I'm bored and wandering around Sicily" as seen in the movie. 😂Really, I think it's fantastic that the book was open about Michael's true feelings towards everyone he knew. The book even mentions what kind of lovemaking Michael prefers/how he's having it with Apollonia and Kay. 🥵

I do also find that Puzo goes on a tangent a lot, which I love, because it's his writing style, but I also understand it can get tedious and boring. For example, if he mentions Sonny's dick, he'll go on and on about it for paragraphs in the middle of a plot. Some whole chapters are dedicated to Johnny Fontane and other characters only. 😅

Also, I should mention the second movie does not exist in the book. The book starts and ends with the first Godfather, essentially. I'll definitely be giving it a good re-read because I love it so much, so if I'm not incorrect, I do believe the Corleone family packed up and moved to Lake Tahoe in the book too but the whole Hyman Roth, Fredo, and abortion plots do not exist whatsoever.

So yes! There's my full review! ❤ I would definitely recommend you read it! I feel like you would just love it! It's so, so good, although it's a bit hard for me to understand Michael in the book at times because I'm so used to him being cold and cruel in the films, so it definitely gets some taking used to!

I hope this was as helpful as it was extremely long!! 😅 Happy reading! 🥰

[1zashreena1]

Diego Requests an Audience -1

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess gets the rich bad boy equivalent of a call the next day from what she thought was a fairy tale of a one night stand.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and 'the code is more like guidelines' outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Mentions of drugs/alcohol use, no actual smut in this one but references to multiple forms of sexual activity with m/f dynamics, plus size woman+fit man, early stage sugar daddy vibes, bad boys with too much money and not enough impulse control, secondary OCs, excessive swearing (???), illegal business dealings... I mean, its DIEGO

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me. If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I'm not a fan of "plot" so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

Constructive criticism is always welcome. I'm an old timer at Fandom but a baby content creator.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read @chelsfic Princess pieces first, that is the beginning.

https://chelsfic.tumblr.com/post/613340476058304512/princess-for-1zashreena1-diego-jimenez-x

https://chelsfic.tumblr.com/post/618297838815920128/princess-awakes-diego-jim%C3%A9nez-x-reader-ficlet

Last thing before Murder Panther, I promise!

Huge, tremendous, throbbing THANK YOU to @chelsfic​ !  My fanfic creator mommy, I could not and would not have done this without you or your devious reverse psychology  You're gonna have to thwack me super duper hard with a rolled up newspaper to get rid of me because ily.

Massive shoutouts to @symbiont13​ @rosee-sensuelle​ @bunnykjm​ @mandoplease​ @nicke0115​ (y’all know what you did)

You're sitting in your car on your lunch break listening to the same song for the seventh time in a row because that is a thing that you do. When you like something, you like it. The song has pounding bass, if you close your eyes you can almost imagine being in a club. You never did get to do much of that, your twenties were spent working two jobs and sleeping in your car sometimes, so your just passed birthday weekend escapade was really something else. You've never done anything like that before and it was-

Ding-DING

Your phone chirps with a text message from an unknown number. You peer at the screen with a furrowed brow, I don't know anyone in California, must be a wrong number. You open the message cautiously, who knows what kind of weirdness it might be. 

Good morning Princess

What. No. There is no way. Absolutely not possible. Un uhh. Nope.

You should come back to NYC. I want to have you again.

Holy fucking shit. Its really him. It's Diego. Its Diego of the big brown eyes, even bigger hands, and absolutely the biggest cock you have ever seen. Diego viciously-gorgeous stupefyingly-rich incredibly-dangerous exhaustingly-insatiable Jimenez. 

Whom you most definitely did not Google upon your return home only to discover that he is an international criminal. Yeah, he's criminally hot.

You really do wish that little voice in the back of your mind was helpful. 

Yes, but he was nice to you. Really not helpful. How many times did you even come that night? There was the bed, the floor, over the back of the sofa, the kitchen counter (which he referred to as 'snack time' because he ate, and wasn't that adorable), and then that kiss/invasion of your oral cavity before you left. After he made you breakfast. And gave you a pair of Ugg boots that were magically in your size because it was cold out. Okay, so he was REALLY nice.

Wait. I didn't give him my number, what the fuck.

Hi Diego

And you hit send before you can stop yourself. What in the actual fuck am I doing?

I knew you remembered me. 😉Come up here this weekend. I want you

He wants you. He said it himself. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Like, want-want? He saw you naked in broad daylight so he definitely knows what you look like. I want you, your mind just keeps repeating it. Hold up, is an international drug lord, cartel boss, top ten FBI most wanted man texting you with emojis???

I hadn't really budgeted on another trip so soon

Is that too much? Are you revealing your pathetic poor-ness and he definitely will not be into that?

Please🤚 Do you want to come?

Oh lordy, but he knows exactly how to word things. 

… I mean, yeah. Preferably repeatedly

Okay, yes, you've always been a pervert but something about this man only encourages you. Surely it wasn't how he laughed every time you made an innuendo. 

Then I've got you 💵😙 Princess👑

Do you want a hotel or stay with me?

Harrisburg is your nearest airport, yes?

Never before in your life have you had cause to use the word 'Baller' but here you are. Is he seriously going to fly me to him? Am I seriously going to go? What level of booty call is this?

Penthouse. Spoil me 😏

And yes Harrisburg. What are you going to do, fly me up there?? Lol

At this point you might as well see how far you can milk this. Also, apparently he knows where you live?

...yes. I have a private jet. I'll text you the info. We're going to have fun little girl😈

Well damn. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You send the entire conversation to Lisa in three screenshots. She calls you at 4:37 while she knows you're still in the car and you spend the entire drive home screaming together as best friends do. 

"I can't believe him! A private jet? Oh my god girl, you better bring home some stacks!"

"I know! Like, what the fuuuuuuuuuck! Lisa, Lisa, oh my god, Lis, what the hell should I pack?! Oh no, oh shit, I don't have any sexy pajamas!" Your high is coming crashing down. Its Tuesday, so you have two whole days to figure this out.

Her laughter is so loud it makes your speakers crackle. "After what you told me from that first night it sounds like you better pack a case of lube and an ice pack!" She dissolves into hysterics.

Well, she's not wrong. "Dude! I was so sore, I couldn't walk for days. This shit is BYOIP: Bring Your Own Ice Pack!" Lisa shrieks while you howl with laughter. 

"Okay, okay. Meet me at Macaroni Grill and we'll formulate a strategic plan of attack over carbs. We have to go to the Frederick's of Hollywood outlet." Lisa is already crafting a plan. 

"See, this is why you're my BFF!" You proclaim before you whip across three lanes of traffic to change course. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You take way more clothing than you could possibly need for a weekend but better safe than sorry. The private jet looks like it came straight out of a music video, you're afraid to even think about how much this costs. Hell, he even paid to have your car valet parked in the only locked and guarded parking garage at this tiny regional airport. There are all kinds of snacks and drinks on the plane, there's even a tiny galley and what looks like a daybed. Noted for later.

The driver who picks you up at the airstrip in New York is Bastian and he is pleasantly surprised that you talk to him. You're pleasantly surprised at how nice Escalades are on the inside. The last time you were in this vehicle you were a little, ahem, distracted.

Diego is extraordinarily pleased to see you wearing the Ugg boots he gave you. The man is all growly innuendo and (mostly) gentlemanly manners, the contrasts are mind-meltingly hot. The weekend passes in a blur of a good time; orgasms, a stroll through some really expensive stores, more orgasms, two clubs on Saturday night, another set of orgasms (Did I really let him finger me in a VIP booth??), your first time trying weed, a sleepy orgasm in a jacuzzi tub (Wet Diego, so gorgeous), the best brunch of your life, another first by having orgasms while on top of a man, and, just before you leave on Sunday evening, a very nice Brahmin purse that you gawked at in one of the stores on Saturday. 

Yet again, Diego corners you by the elevator and attempts to climb down your throat before you're allowed to leave. You have no complaints.

~~~~~~~~~~

The very next Monday you get an extremely sweet text very early in the morning thanking you for coming (all puns intended). Wednesday brings a cookie bouquet to your front door with a note stating that you don't seem like a flowers kind of girl. Incredibly early on Saturday morning is another text, he sounds like he might be a little drunk, confessing that he wants to do it again. 

You forward the message to Lisa with your own addition:

Look, all I'm saying is I'm gonna take this top shelf dick and all the gifts that come with it for as long as he wants to give it to me

It only progresses from there.

[guinevere-beck-fanboy]

Another OUAT Rant

So I thought the way I put my previous OUAT rant could have been improved, so I’m rewriting it here, also with more info and more rant material. Hope you enjoy!

___________________

The four most popular characters on this show are all crap characters and people. They are: Regina Mills, Rumplestilstkin, Captain Hook/Killian Jones and Zelena Mills. All four of them are garbage. And what’s so ironic is that a lot of fans of one character will always hit off on another one of those characters. All four of them are absolute garbage, and for fairly similar reasons. 

1. Killian Jones/Captain Hook

Soooo in the first season this character appeared in (season 2) Killian was actually a good character. He did horrible things but he was a villain, so that’s ok. He also had a fairly tragic backstory, so despite how horrible he was, you had sympathy with him.

And then they gave him a redemption arc and made him a hero... Now this redemption arc... Doesn’t work. Like at all.

The reason for this, is that Killian managed to stay alive for hundreds of years. And even then, after the first hundred he was still a terrible person. If Killian lived an average long life like the rest of us he would have lived and died a terrible villain. If you only manage to become a better man because you get to live 200 years.... Then you aren’t a good person.

On top of this, Killian is seriously glamorized. He is portrayed as some selfless hero after all those centuries. Which I think it just.... Not ok...

I mean here is what our apparent righteous and pure hero Killian has done:

1. Was a pirate (the implications of that are clear... stealing, plundering etc)

2. Homewrecked Rumple and Milah’s marriage

3. Assisted Milah in abandoning Baelfire, her son

4. Led Rumple to believe he had kidnapped Milah and was going to sail off with her and rape her. Then said if Rumple could defeat Killian in a sword fight to the death he could go and save her to goad him into said fight despite the fact that Rumple’s death combined with Milah’s abandonment would leave Bae an orphan.

5. He explains when Emma is the Dark One and saves him from falling off a building to his death that he wears two rings on his finger. One of them belonged to a man named Barnabee, who insulted him and so he killed him in front of his wife. The other ring belonged to a man named Egbar, he caught him drinking the Captain’s wine and drowned him.

6. Murdered his father and left his half brother an orphan

7. Murdered two royal guards and then murdered Prince Charming’s father (when Charming was a CHILD, thus leaving him fatherless)

8. Refused to set Belle free from being held captive by Regina and instead tried to murder her

9. Raped multiple women (When Emma travels back in time and talks to Killian’s past self, and flirts with him leaving him with the impression she wants to have sex with him, Killian responds with “if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to get me drunk... *which is usually my tactic*”. Getting someone drunk and then having sex with them is RAPE.)

10. Shot Belle and had all her memories erased

So a serial killer and rapist is being glamorized as some kind of hero. Killian like Regina is not a hero, he is well and truly an evil person. It took him 200 years to stop being a murderer and a rapist. What a great redemption arc!

2. Captain Swan

Killian is shipped with Emma and this ship is canon. The way I see it though, this is a nightmare relationship.

Killian murdered Emma’s grandfather and ruined his father's childhood. And now... they end up married? That’s.... That’s not a healthy relationship, like at all.

3. Charming is held to the standard that he MUST forgive Hook and is not allowed not to

When Emma finds out Killian murdered Charming’s father, she isn’t mad about it. Nope! She’s just mad Killian couldn’t tell her!

In what world should a woman look past her boyfriend being the murderer of her grandfather? Seriously?

Also when Charming begins being unsatisfied with all proposed venues for Emma and Hook’s wedding, Snow suspects he is not fine with Emma marrying him, and she says to him “that ship is sailed deal with it!”. How disgusting is that? “Your daughter is GOING to marry your father’s murderer! Deal with it!”.

4. Regina Mills

This character is like the fan favorite, but she is complete trash. 

In the first 2 seasons she was actually a very well written character. She was a villain, and the writers did a great job at making her dislikeable, as a villain should be (well not always, but it’s great to have a dislikeable villain). 

But then in the next four seasons of the show, they really began to glamorize her. And I think that’s ridiculous. They act like she has a heart of gold and is an amazing person and refer to her as a hero multiple times. 

So Regina this “great hero” has:

1. Tried to murder Snow White

2. Slaughtered an entire village for supporting Snow White (they literally show the thousands of bodies scattered in one area in the woods) 

3. Tried to kill Emma Swan when she was a baby

4. Cast a curse on The Enchanted Forest that sent them to a town on Earth with false identities and memories where they would live miserable repetitive lives

5. When Henry, her adoptive son, realizes that the truth about Storybrooke, the curse and all that she tries to persuade him he is delusional even going as far as to book him therapy appointments

6. When Henry’s birth mother, Emma, arrives in town, rather than let Henry have the chance to get to know her, she tries to bully her out of town

7. Raped and murdered Graham

8. Kidnapped Belle and locked her up in a tower for 20 years

9. Trapped Jefferson in Wonderland thus separating him from his daughter and knowingly causing him to break a promise to his daughter that he would return to her

10. Cast a curse on the Enchanted Forest implanting false memories and identities into them and sending them to a town where they would be miserable and separated from their loved ones 

11. Tried to murder Emma Swan by giving her a poisoned apple pie 

12. Found a man who wanted to kill Prince Charming and turned him into a giant to help him do so

13. Colluded with her mother to murder Emma, Snow and Charming

14. Tried to use this spell on Henry to make him think he loved her out of fear of losing him

15. Tried to murder Marian, Robin Hood’s wife so that she could date Robin Hood (this one in particular I find quite problematic, because a lot of people in the fanbase were sympathizing with Regina here... Why? Yes, Marian was very judgmental to Regina, but Regina had already tried once to MURDER HER! Of course she isn’t going to see her as a saint?)

And that’s only from the top of my memory. 

5. Swan Queen

Emma Swan and Regina Mills are shipped. And this is a hugely popular ship... Like... Why?? 

Regina tried to murder Emma like three times? She tried to murder her parents, and tried to prevent her ever seeing her son again? Why on Earth would you want this person to be with Emma? 

6. Regina/Evil Queen serum

In the fifth season, Regina begins being tempted to be evil again. So her solution to the problem? Separate “the Evil Queen” (all the evil in her) from her and then kill her evil self. And then she will be a good person without her evil side.

This is just... What? No. You don’t just rip all your less moral attributes out of yourself and destroy them and suddenly you’re a good person. If you have to do that in order to not be a terrible person, *then you ARE a terrible person!*. 

It’s just a really dumb plotline and I hate it. 

7. Rumplestilstkin

Onto Rumple. Like the others, he was a fairly decent character throughout the first five seasons. He did crappy stuff, but he was a villain so that’s ok. They did give him decent moral moments at times but that’s just making an interesting character. He’s overall a douche but can do some great stuff. 

Then in seasons 6 and 7 they gave him a redemption arc. It fails for the same reason as Killian. *It took him hundreds of years to get there*. You can’t claim someone is a good person if it takes them hundreds of years to stop doing terrible things.

And here is a list of what I mean by bad deeds:

1. Rumple denies a dehydrated seer water as he is offended by the prophecy she gives 

2. Rumple murders a bunch of warriors who have come to enlist his son (Baelfire) in a war, despite the fact he had just gained more than enough power to stop them doing so in less harmful ways. 

3. Rumple abandons Baelfire and sends him through a portal to an unknown world. Father of the year everyone!

4. Rumple murders Milah, the (albeit terrible) mother of his son. 

5. Rumple kidnaps Belle and makes her his slave.

6. Rumple creates the Dark Curse and has Regina cast it

7. Rumple tries to steal Cinderella’s baby

8. Tries to prevent Belle reuniting with her father by tearing down posters she has set up all around town of him and throwing them in the trash. Despite the fact that HE is the REASON Belle is separated from her father in the first place.

9. Makes the residents of Storybrooke part of a storybook (lol that was fun to say/type) where they have fake memories and identities and are separated from their loved ones AGAIN 

10. Prevents the Dark One Curse (Which has caused death, destruction and suffering for CENTURIES) from being destroyed

11. Throws Milah into the River of Souls

12. Tries to throw Gaston (albeit he is Gaston but still a human being) into the River of Souls

So like Killian it takes Rumple centuries to not be a serial killer any more.. So I don’t think either of them truly have redeemed themselves.

8. Rumbelle

Remember how I said that Rumple kidnapped Belle and enslaved her? And how he tried to prevent her reuniting with her father after he separated them in the first place? Well Rumple and Belle are a married couple and this is portrayed as a positive relationship. 

9. Zelena Mills

Regina’s sister. Shouldn’t be a surprise then that she is also a terrible person, which like all the others is fine until they decide to start glamorizing her. 

Zelena murdered Baelfire, who is Henry’s FATHER. She then murders Marian and takes on her form and has sex with Robin Hood. This is RAPE. She has gained Robin’s consent by taking on a deceitful form, consent gained through deceit is not consent. 

But hey! Zelena Mills is a badass hero! Forget about the raping and the murdering, she’s actually a pretty decent person!

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

Promises Kept & Made (& Researched):

behind the scenes on my zine fic

(Wow, cannot even keep the title of this post succinct, but is anyone actually surprised?)

Yesterday @captain-aralias made an awesome post re: the research that went into her zine fic, & I was inspired! So, with a little less than one week left to pre-order @goldendayszine , I thought I’d fill y’all in on some of the research & reasoning that went on behind the scenes for this particular fic of mine. (If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy yet, please do! All you have to do is donate $10 or more to our charity of choice, Outright International at this link. That $10 gets you a digital copy of the zine + an entry into our raffle! More info on raffle prizes here.)

While being accepted as a writer for the zine was super exciting, I was suddenly faced with the debacle all of us writers have to face: what the heck was I going to write? What do? What is plot??? The zine’s theme is new beginnings, & I let my noggin think on that for a while, & eventually it came to me: honeymoon. Give the boys some distance from their current trauma, set this in the future, give them that milestone moment, let them be happy…

What is plot???

As usual, I laid out a short, corny, ridiculous outline for myself. Actual footage of me sharing my nonsense with the zine discord:

Why Disney? Well, I know Disney like the back of my hand. I even worked at the one in Florida for a short period of time in college (pre-bookstore days). And at the heart of it, our boys need to have some fun & experience the childhoods they never really had. I was thinking of the fun they had together at the Ren Faire & wanted to draw from that.

Of course, I then had to figure out what exactly was going on—I had a word count limit, & if y’all know me at all you probably know that had me side-eyeing myself. I knew I had to get my point across, & I only had a certain amount of words to do it. So I needed to pick one area of the park to set my fic in…

And that turned out to be the easy bit. What's my & Mr HH’s favorite attraction? The Haunted Mansion. Where do Simon & Baz have their first kiss in canon (among many of my other favorite scenes)? A literal haunted mansion.

Okay, great. I had my setting. But then I realized I had another small problem: I was sending them to Disneyland Paris, where I’ve personally never been. And then I got to thinking…that I was pretty sure the Haunted Mansion in Paris was different from the Haunted Mansions here in the US. Because after my husband & I went on our own Disneyworld honeymoon in 2015, I bought & read a book all about the Haunted Mansion in its many iterations. 

And, well, I was right about the differences, of which there are many. (Maybe you wouldn’t think so if you haven’t ridden the US versions upwards of one billion times, but this one is so very different.)

Starting with the name: Phantom Manor.

I think a few people have guessed where this fic is set based on the previews shared here & by the zine tumblr, but I don’t want y’all North Americans to be shocked & confused when Baz literally says “Phantom Manor” in the fic instead of “The Haunted Mansion.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was trying to avoid like…some weird copyright thing. Treading lightly. Nope, I’m just being geographically correct.

Second difference? The outside of the manor. Unlike its cousins in the US & Tokyo, Phantom Manor is more derelict & ramshackle in outward appearance, which is really just a factoid & not at all relevant to the fic itself.

Third: the locale. With no New Orleans Square in Disney Paris, & nowhere to put the manor in Fantasyland, the house found its own home in Frontierland. And unlike the Frontierlands of the other Disney parks, this one has its very own story that ties all the attractions together. The boys refer to the legend of the Ravenswood family very briefly in the fic (it’s more of one of the many bad jokes made in the fic than it is a referral, tbh). Put very simply, it’s one of those stories where the crazy dad kills all his daughter’s suitors because he doesn’t want her to grow up & leave. You know, normal shit.

Fourth: the ride itself. Because there’s a different storyline for this manor than there is for any of the others, I spent a good deal of time watching a ride-through video. I watched that damn video so much that the music was stuck in my head for days. What’s the same? We’ve got our portrait room. We’ve got our doom buggies. We’ve got our ride through the dark, haunted mansion house (which Baz complains about, since he can see in the dark & is therefore underwhelmed with the effects) & then through the graveyard. What we don’t have: the ghost host (RIP) & the hitchhiking ghosts. And keeping us company through it all: the bride.

I was admittedly a little put out at first (so much so that I tried to find a way to rationally send them to Disneyworld in Florida instead) (spoiler alert, there was no rational way to do it, especially with Baz's sensitive vampire skin & how much he probably hates America at this point). Still, I was perturbed: no ghost host?! WhY iS iT dIfFeReNt?! But I really warmed up to this version of the manor after I acquainted myself with it. It’s just as magical as the others, really. And I love that I got to share one of my favorite things with Simon & Baz, in a way. 

If you’d like to see Phantom Manor for yourself—& get the music stuck in your head—here’s the private ride-through I watched about one million times, outlined, reviewed, & used to block every mini section of the fic. (Below is one of my many outlines, & most of the bad jokes shown here did not make it into the fic.)

Anyway, hope y’all enjoyed this tangential & probably unnecessary look into my process. It’s been such a pleasure to be part of the zine, & I really hope y’all enjoy it! The previews & pieces I've gotten to see from other contributors are absolutely phenomenal.

donate $10 here to receive your digital copy of the zine*

Oh, PS. I made sure to give Simon some wonky dragon magic. It’s there if you squint. 😉

*please note that zines are not being distributed until April 1. 💜

💛💙

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think they could make Azula gay in the netflix live-action? Many people in the fandom seem to think she had a thing for Ty Lee. I don't see it, but do you think they could retcon the show just to pander to shippers?

Somehow I knew this sort of question would pop up in my inbox one day. I just did. Such foresight powers I have (?)

Anyways, the answer got pretty long, but I hope it’s comprehensive enough in regards of why I don’t think it’s likely, why, even if it happens, we shouldn’t freak out about it regardless of if it negates our headcanons, and why, on top of it all any characterization the ATLA cast gets in the liveaction should be judged as part of a second timeline, removed from the first, and analyzed as such.

Alright, first of all... despite what popular opinion these days would have everyone believe, a character’s sexuality and sexual identity are not the only relevant and important factors in them; in fact, I wouldn’t even call them the most important factors unless you’re outright telling a story with very specific socially critical purposes in mind. Yes, you can deal with these subjects in stories that aren’t exclusively about sexuality, and yes, it offers important representation to communities that were largely unseen for the bulk of human history. But making a character’s entire story arc revolve around nothing but sexuality and their struggles because of it is actually a failure at offering good representation? The point in having media featuring representation in the form of diverse fictional characters is based on allowing minorities to see themselves in this kind of content and for majorities to understand these minorities and their stories are just as valid as theirs are. If minorities are reduced to a single aspect of their multifacetic lives, the only thing the story in question would achieve is turning a character with the potential to be dynamic and complex into some flat minority stereotype, throwing away the countless human complexities through which media can tell rich and important stories that do provide genuine, quality representation to these communities.

Ergo, if Azula were written as a gay character in this Netflix adaptation, this aspect of the reworked character should not, and frankly, CANNOT, be the only thing that matters about her. Azula has a large role to play in this story, a role related to the war, her family, her friends and her nation, and a lot of her complexities stem from how she deals with all these subjects, none of which have anything to do with romance or sexuality. Therefore, I’m pretty sure a lot of us loved her character for reasons that had nothing to do with her interactions with potential love interests, whether they’re of her same or opposite sex: Azula has always been SO MUCH MORE than whatever we’ve headcanoned her sexuality to be, and this is something I hope everyone keeps in mind for this liveaction show.

We need to stick to our priorities, to a fault, as Azula’s fans: whatever sexuality or love interests she’s given, if she’s given either thing to begin with, her story isn’t exclusively about that. So, if Bryke decide to alter this aspect of her original characterization by dialing up Azula’s love life, it’s not the driving aspect of the character and it’s not the only thing we should be concerned with when it comes to her new portrayal in the future liveaction show, regardless of whether said sexuality agrees with our headcanons or disagrees with them.

Alright, then. After that particular clarification had been made... I’m of the opinion that Bryke have indeed pandered to shippers and fans in the past, namely in their sequel show and certain later announcements related to it, announcements that were basically the LOK version of “Dumbledore was gay all along but I thought it’d hurt the book sales and that’s why I only said so in a press conference after the final book was a bestseller and my bank accounts were overflowing” (by which I mean, the last-minute sudden “Aiwei (the dead guy) and Kya (Aang’s daughter) are also gay” comments Bryke made post-Book 4 to convince people they were aboslutely pro-LGBT and their world was very diverse despite said diversity only became known in the final scene of the show and was never portrayed positively or properly through these side-and-background characters...?).

So, would I say, categorically, that Bryke would NEVER write Azula as a gay character if they thought it’d make their show more popular? Nope, I can’t. I really don’t trust them enough to think they’ll prioritize top-of-the-line storytelling over pandering to the crowd that will cheer them on most loudly.

THAT BEING SAID...!

The story they told with Azula in ATLA, despite what certain people are convinced of, had a very straight-forward message, one that I didn’t like very much, especially since that message seemed to render irrelevant the character’s incredible storytelling potential and remarkable complexities. Where Azula could have been so many things, in the show’s finale she became some sort of flat, sad warning stating: “don’t try to control people through fear or they’ll turn against you and you’ll end up all alone.”

As much as I have no doubts Bryke will want to incorporate new themes and somewhat “update” ATLA into more progressive times, I really doubt they’ll sacrifice the story they’re apparently so proud of having told through Azula only to pander to a specific part of ATLA’s audience. For that matter, there’s been a growing movement promoting many same-sex ships and trans interpretations of virtually ALL ATLA characters, so if they were to pander to the fanbase through Azula, why her? And if they do pick her, why stop there? If they do stop there, then they’re not being inclusive enough with their fandom. Why satisfy one portion of the fandom and not satisfy the other ones too? :’D

Worse yet, accusations of foul play will absolutely be guaranteed to rise when a potentially gay Azula isn’t given a redemption (because, considering the latest Azula-related comments by the creators and comic writers, they’re not likely to do it this time either), because “irredemably evil lesbian trope, that’s so sexist and homophobic!” And with that, the long, glorious time ATLA has spent as the golden, poster child of western animation will suddenly be overrun with the very same hysterical purity police that has overtaken all newer fandoms and filled them with antis who attack creators, writers, actors and other fans for creating or supporting “toxic” content.

Point and case being... if they don’t stray from the story they already told, they have a slam dunk since a lot of people will love the show if it’s virtually the same as the one they watched when growing up. All they have to do is alter a few events, maybe expand on a few things, stall the story for a few more years so the actors can age realistically and not be overworked... and tadaaaah! You have a blockbuster! Change fundamental aspects of characters by adding new factors to pander to certain fan demographics? You’d basically be poking a wasp’s nest and hoping they will turn out to be honeybees instead, ESPECIALLY if the character being coded as LGBT is either evil or fated to die, as both those tropes are what seem to incense that side of fandoms more than anything else.

If they want to write Azula as openly gay, they’d have to alter her general character message and whole arc to avoid the guaranteed problems I’ve pointed out up here. Paired with this? They’d have to retcon their recently established “the Fire Nation became homophobic in Sozin’s time!” canon imposed by LOK’s comics, so, if they stick with this tidbit of recent LGBT info, a gay Azula would most likely have to be a highly repressed lesbian who can’t even accept herself? It’s not impossible to tell that story... but it kind of feels counterproductive, and absolutely discouraging too for people who are struggling to come to terms with their own sexuality to see themselves reflected in a repressed character who most likely will meet the same depressing end she does in ATLA.

Now, my final point: again, I can’t say it’s impossible that this might happen. But EVEN IF Bryke decide that this is how their new story will work, and the new Azula will be gay, and they change everything so it’s non-problematic and they successfully avoid being chased with pitchforks by the purity police...

A new characterization doesn’t negate the one from the original show in the least. The first ATLA is what it is, a finished product that can be judged and interpreted in a thousand ways, and has been, for the past 10+ years. A new canon does NOT overrule an old one, a thought that I’m sure the very same purity and nostalgia police I’ve mentioned will absolutely adhere to once the new story changes ANYTHING and they don’t like it. Whatever new possibilities they test out with a new story don’t have to be taken as facts that apply to every iteration of the characters. For reference, imagine judging every Marvel comics character for the actions and behavior of their MCU counterparts. Imagine people raging at Peter Quill in the comic books because he’s in love with Kitty Pryde and how DARES he cheat on Gamora with her?!

... Just how would that make any sense? :’) Likewise, it would make no sense to behave this way with ATLA and its future liveaction adaptation. What happens in the liveaction concerns the liveaction. What happened in the original show can serve as a guideline for the liveaction, if anything, a frame of reference, but they can (and will) change elements in the story as they please in the new adaptation. However similar as they might be, they’re TWO stories, and they should work perfectly well as standalone shows.

Let’s look at it from the opposite POV, to further illustrate my point: if the new show SOMEHOW made Sokkla canon, unlikely and damn near impossible as it is: that doesn’t make it canon in the original ATLA. Hence, if I were to run out in the streets screaming Sokkla is real and endgame in EVERY POSSIBLE VERSION OF ATLA, the entire world would have every right to throw rotten eggs at me and tell me to shut the fuck up because it’s not true, it’s only real in the liveaction, and that doesn’t have any bearing on the original show.

Same principle applies with a potential gay Azula :’) Even if it happens, it’s liveaction only. The original show remains what it is, and her characterization there can be interpreted and derived from as we see fit.

To close this answer, I confess that I, personally, have next to no interest in this liveaction remake. I can’t even say I’ll watch any of it. For one thing, I’m really annoyed by the trend there is these days to turn animation into liveaction, because it seriously feels like an underlying way to say that liveaction is somehow the superior choice for audiovisual storytelling and that really grinds my gears. Animation has been fascinating media for me for years, I’ve always felt it’s more versatile than liveaction, and if I ever happened to write something that gets an onscreen adaptation, I’d probably choose animation over liveaction even if I’m not given a choice on the matter :’) So, for starters, I’m not happy with the notion of a liveaction remake for this show. If they wanted to remake ATLA and had chosen to do so with animation, I’d definitely be much more interested. But this way? Uh... not my cup of tea.

So, whatever Bryke want to do with this new product is absolutely their business (same as it was their business with ATLA, frankly). People will criticize it, that’s a guaranteed thing, and people will love it, and people will be angry, and people will be happy. But I’m probably not going to be one of any of these people this time around. The only way I would likely enjoy that show would be if it’s a genuine, critical overhaul of everything they did in the original show, reworking many key aspects of MANY characters, no matter if the main anecdote remains intact. And considering how highly self-critical the recent ATLA-related content has been, I doubt I’ll get my wish. So... good luck to everyone who wants to watch this liveaction, have fun, I won’t spoil it for you by dumping on it this time as I did with the comics, but I certainly won’t be joining any of your parades much either :’D

[mittensmorgul]

1- Oh, I guess we must have different interpretations of it then. Cuz in 7.21, Cas says, "They're from the Garrison – my old Garrison... I was there captain." And then in season 4.16, Dean says to Cas, "Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" implying Cas had previously been in charge, but his superiors switched things up when they saw how he was acting with Dean.

2- It seemed to me that Cas took over the garrison after Anna fell. I know Zachariah was always his superior, but Cas was still captain of the garrison. Anyway, I always just thought it strange that Cas was given any authority, even tho we know from Naomi that he's "Never done as he's told. Not completely." I know in canon, we only SEE him being reprogrammed a couple times, but this line implies he's always been a troublemaker.

***

Ok, I was confused. In 7.21, the only time he ever mentions being captain, it’s... odd. It’s hesitant, almost like he can’t really believe it. It’s practically an afterthought. It’s possible he was just the next guy in line in the hierarchy after Anna fell. But knowing what we know of his position even in 1901 (when he wasn’t even in charge of his own flight yet), and that Anna had been in charge until her fall (which we know happened in 1985, making her human body 25 in 4.09, so Cas’s leadership role would’ve spanned less than that amount of time), and the fact we don’t know what exactly being a “Captain” entails-- was that (with later canon about him having his own flight) equivalent to Ishim’s position in 12.10? Or was that equivalent to Anna’s position before her fall? It’s just... not clear enough for me to make firm statements about it. Heaven hierarchies in this show are just... mishmosh mostly.

Regardless: Here’s the quote from the superwiki transcript:

DEAN: Cas, what happened back there? Who were those guys?CASTIEL: They're from the Garrison – my old Garrison. Looks like Hester's taken over. We were assigned to watch the earth. Often, it was boring. The wars were very boring and the sex – you know, the repetition. Anyway, I was, uh... I was their captain. Isn't that strange?

There’s also the fact that Cas was... really, really not himself in this episode. Since this is the only time he gives himself the label of “captain,” and it happens to be in the same episode where he repeatedly refused to engage with reality, declared “I watch the bees,” booped a prophet on the nose, and deflected all responsibility for, like... everything... 

I think his OWN surprise (and the “Isn’t that strange?”) at the fact he was ever a leader of any sort in Heaven (especially considering he led the rebellion in s6, not because he wanted to, but because he was the rallying point for all the angels who didn’t want the apocalypse) lines up pretty well with YOUR feeling of confusion over why such a rebel would’ve ever been put in a position of authority like that. But honestly? If you’ve got someone who breaks rules a lot, put them at the top of the pile where you can keep an eye on them. I mean, that’s one strategy to deal with a troublemaker, I suppose?

It’s also possible that during one of his reprogramming attempts, they programmed him to believe he’d been in charge before, but now I’m getting into “this is definitely not canon” territory, just trying to explain away Cas’s obvious bewilderment by that statement. Because it’s weird.

You’d think if he’d been In Charge at the time he rescued Dean from Hell, he would’ve announced himself like he was in charge, and not just another subordinate following orders. It’s yet another reason that waiting nearly four years after he’s introduced as a character to reveal that tidbit of info, and then only giving it to us in this strange non sequitur of a comment while Cas is barely engaged with reality, and then never mentioned the fact again over the ensuing 7 seasons... I have a hard time giving it much weight, you know? Especially knowing how LITTLE trust Heaven showed in Cas, right from the start. Throughout s4, even before Cas rebelled, had to be reprogrammed, and then broke free again in 4.22, he... was not anywhere NEAR the top of the information food chain.

Cas had no idea that Uriel was a double agent for Team Lucifer until after it nearly cost Dean his life. Cas had no idea that the angels weren’t trying to STOP the apocalypse, but were actively working to bring it about. When he found out their true plan... that’s when Heaven brought him back for reprogramming, in 4.20, before he could pass that information on to Dean. Which makes me think if Cas ever was in charge of the garrison, it was a largely ceremonial title, since he was otherwise entirely left out of the loop of actual in-charge-ness, you know? Even Uriel, his supposed subordinate before 4.16, seemed far more aware of what was really going on.

And considering the fact that it was later widely known that the apocalypse had been long prophesied, and Dean himself had been a part of that prophecy, it seems like they had to actively withhold that information from Cas for him not to have been aware of it, you know? Was that part of the reason they had to mind wipe him so many times? Because he HAD been aware (like, if he was in charge of the garrison for a time) and OBJECTED? To all of it? And that’s why he lost his position, as we saw happening throughout s4?

(as an aside here, it also makes one wonder if that’s why Anna chose to fall, as well. As sort of a conscientious objector to the entire apocalypse agenda... until she was again reprogrammed after Cas turned her in in 4.21)

Now all of this is conjecture, but I’ve never adequately been able to justify the fact of Cas having been in charge of the Garrison, considering just how little he’d known of what was really going on. And that, combined with Zachariah collectively lumping him in with the foot soldiers of Heaven in 4.22... well, that sort of makes Cas out to be a dupe of heaven if he had been placed in the Captain’s Chair, you know? So I think I personally prefer to not think of him as actually having been in charge, of any of it. From 4.22:

DEAN: But me and Sam, we can stop... (he cuts off, having an epiphany) You don't want to stop it, do you?ZACHARIAH: Nope. Never did. The end is nigh. The apocalypse is coming, kiddo, to a theater near you.DEAN: What was all that crap about saving seals?ZACHARIAH: Our grunts on the ground -- we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?DEAN: But why?ZACHARIAH: Why not? The apocalypse? Poor name, bad marketing -- puts people off. When all it is is Ali/Foreman. On a... slightly larger scale. And we like our chances. When our side wins -- and we will -- it's paradise on earth. Now, what's not to like about that?

The angels who hadn’t known the truth were what Zachariah considered “grunts.” Not management, you know? I have such a difficult time reconciling the reality of what we knew from s4 with the baffled statement Cas made in 7.21. Almost as if he realized how he’d been used by Heaven while the real control happened way above his own head. He was just as manipulated as the Winchesters were. I think that realization truly did baffle him at the time.

But the line in 4.16 I assumed was referencing 4.07, 4.09, and 4.10, in which Uriel followed Cas’s lead throughout those episodes. It was clear there that Uriel was the subordinate, even when he appeared to be barely restrained and visibly and vocally didn’t approve of Cas’s orders. I think that’s what Dean’s referencing there.

The other thing is that, as much as I love him and his writing, 7.21 was written by Ben Edlund, who has famously put a few other odd lines like this into Cas’s mouth over the years. Edlund... adored Cas. And he often elevated Cas in these sorts of subtle ways. Like in 8.05, having Cas refer to himself as a seraph (the only time in canon Cas ever uses that word for himself, and the only other time it’s ever been said in canon was in 12.10 as part of Akobel’s death sentence that Cas read out). No other angel has referred to themselves nor any other angel with this title in canon. So... let’s say I have a few items on the list of “this is Edlund canon” in the same way I have my feud with Robbie Thompson over his obsession with the Samulet. It’s one of those things I would really need to hear from any other writer in any other context for me to assume it was the full and honest truth in a way that fit in with the reality of the entire rest of canon. Because it kinda... doesn’t...

[makeste]

BnHA Smash!! 01 and 02: Smash!!Might is a Fucking Menace

okay, so. I have about a million other things I should be doing instead, including (1) responding to asks and/or finishing in-progress metas, (2) reading Vigilantes, and last but not least, (3) actually making a dent in the ever-increasing backlog of Actual Work That I Really Should Be Doing Instead.

so naturally I’m procrastinating by taking my first stab at reading BnHA’s cute 4-panel omake spinoff series, BnHA Smash!! IT JUST MAKES SENSE. look, I have exactly one thing I felt like actually doing and not procrastinating today, so I might as well do the thing. basically it’s my attention span’s world and I’m just living in it.

anyway! so apparently this series was scanlated by good ol’ Fallen Angels. that’s right; prepare yourselves for some very creative cursing, fellas. other background info for anyone who, like me, is unfamiliar with this spin-off: this series debuted on November 9, 2015, a little over a year after the original series. said original series was currently at chapter 66, meaning the Final Exam arc was just wrapping up.

so now that we’re all properly oriented, let me go over a few disclaimers real quick and then we’ll get started!

all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.

I’m aware that not everyone may be familiar with Smash!! even if they’ve read/watched the original series, so I’ve tried to make this recap comprehensible even if you haven’t read the spin-off. that being said, it’s probably more enjoyable if you have, so you can either purchase the first volume from Viz here, or read the chapter online (I don’t want to link directly, but the spin-off is available on most of the usual sites. literally just google “read mha” and you’ll find some good options).

this readthrough contains a handful of sorta-kinda spoilers for the BnHA manga, although there are no direct spoilers. just an indirect reference to a joke in chapter 242, as well as a reference to a theory which as of now is in no way canon. but just to be on the safe side I’m posting a heads-up.

and I think that’s it! so here we go.

so we’re opening with a brief summary of the series. people have superpowers and shit’s nuts. you know the drill

there’s also a brief description of the way that the superhero economy works, complete with Mt. Lady’s employees unionizing and demanding better pay

...what

guys I keep staring at this and thinking that surely, SURELY it doesn’t say what I think it says. sidekick... what... manager??

you know what? Viz unfortunately doesn’t include this series as part of their subscription package (WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR, VIZ), but it does at least include a free preview of Smash, and I bet you that this, the first fucking page of the series, is a part of that preview. so... let’s see...

okay, see, this actually makes sense! so did the FA scanlating team collectively all have a fucking stroke?! just, what??

this is one of the reasons why I had difficulty reading Vigilantes too, tbh. those early chapter scans were, uh. but at least Vigilantes has a Viz scanlation too. I don’t want to spend 10 bucks just to read one volume of this, but we’ll see. anyways

so now there’s a strip about baby!Izuku watching his favorite clip of All Might saving one hundred people from a bus accident or whatever

lol Inko you should not have left your shrewdly calculating four-year-old son unattended omg

TWELVE MONTHS’ WORTH OF TEXTBOOKS HOW CAN THIS EAGER YOUNG MIND RESIST

and this is why you don’t leave your credit card info saved on the computer when you have kids. life lessons learned today

this is the first indicator we have ever had that baby!Izuku wasn’t perfect and was, in fact, capable of being a little shit and giving his mom plenty of gray hairs in his own special way. ngl, I fucking love it

also 12,800 yen is about $118 USD, which is honestly a really good deal for a year’s worth of textbooks. he got three boxes of books! I just googled the average cost of college textbooks, and the google article said the average student spends about $1200 a year. so this is a fucking steal tbh

OH MY GOD INKO HOW MANY TIMES MUST HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF BEFORE YOU LEARN

at least install a fucking adblocker ffs. you’re lucky quirk supplement ads are the worst of the ads he’s getting! PARENTAL CONTROLS

now we are cutting to a comic about baby!Izuku defending another boy from my problematic fave, as seen in page one of the original series!

lmaooo

I’m not clear on how much of this spin-off can actually be considered canon. my understanding is that it is Horikoshi-reviewed and approved, even though he doesn’t actually write it. but it’s obviously a humor series, so a lot of it is just going to be jokes. that being said, I think my approach is going to be “if it’s not completely ridiculous and doesn’t contradict the actual manga, go ahead and consider it canon”

(ETA: I might change this up after reading the first two chapters. most of these strips would have terrifying implications if they were actually canon sob.)

anyhoo, this actually does contradict the manga in that we saw this encounter play out very differently. but I kind of wish it was canon regardless because looool. these cocky preschoolers and their fucking Battle Tears

the next comic is Mt. Lady accidentally stepping on a guy’s face and the guy being way too fucking happy about it (read: having a fucking nosebleed and taking an upskirt shot). we’re just going to skip this entirely. this is another problem I was having with Vigilantes too. you know, for all my complaints about Mineta and such, BnHA as a whole is so much tamer than it could be, and I need to give Horikoshi credit for that. he mostly knows where to draw the line, and to his credit he’s also much, much better about this kind of thing than he was when he first started. maybe Mineta’s standings in the character poll results are helping to clue him in

anyway, I’ll mostly just skip past the iffy stuff because I don’t have patience for it and there’s still plenty of other stuff to cover. so on to the next strip

which features a bunch of reporters fawning over Mt. Lady’s flashy quirk while Kamui Woods laments in the shadows

and yet we know this kid will have a prominent rise within the next six months. it’s so strange to revisit the start of the series and see how much things have changed in such a short time

oh my god

no one who dresses up as a giant mushroom could possibly have good intentions. I. just

and look at the fucking disappointment in Deku’s eyes. KAMUI WOODS HE BELIEVED IN YOU!

now some strange man is coming up to Deku and is all HEY YOU, YOU’RE A HERO OTAKU, TELL ME WHAT TO BUY MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. better not ask him unless you’re prepared to shell out $120 bucks for some fucking textbooks

hey, what!!

WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT HE BOUGHT HIM? unless it’s the action figure the kid appears to be holding? but I’m just going to go ahead and assume Izuku recommended the number one best gift that any seven-year-old child would love, i.e. a giant sword

now it’s a sludge monster omake!

so Izuku is trudging home all depressed after CERTAIN INCIDENTS, and Sludgey is glooping his way out of a sewer towards him

oh no All Might

my biggest takeaway from this is the fact that the entire second half of chapter one takes place after All Might has emerged from a fucking sewer. I forgot all about that somehow. or maybe it never fully processed until just now. but omg. this entire chapter must have smelled so fucking bad. these poor kids

wow All Might

sure called that one wrong. ah well nobody’s perfect

looooool

lmao, Smash!!All Might appears to be quite a bit more vain than the original. wow dude

btw, friendly reminder (and I think this is something that was actually pointed out to me after one of the recaps; that’s one of my favorite things about doing these) that All Might, after saving Deku, actually read his notebook before signing it. super-fast, I guess, because he’s the best. but yeah, so he knew exactly how smart and observant Deku was, and how much he wanted to be a hero. his decision to pick him as his successor didn’t just come out of the blue; even before the “my body moved on its own” thing, there was a lot Deku had going in his favor. this is one of those little details of which BnHA has so many, and which I love

lmao what the fuck

ngl this version of the series would have been amazing in its own way. but yeah. so this is why we clearly can’t assume everything in Smash!! is canon lol. but I can already tell I am going to enjoy the shit out of this series

now we’re cutting to Deku running at Sludgey in order to save Kacchan, oh shit. the most dramatic part of chapter one. clearly no moment is sacred

sob what

I don’t understand this strip at all. is this supposed to be a serious moment inserted unexpectedly among this multitude of joke strips? or did I miss the punchline? heeeeelp

(ETA: okay so. my best guess is that All Might wrote all over Deku’s life-saving advice, and so the joke is that Deku no longer knows what to do when assaulting sludge men because HIS NOTES ARE RUINED. idk. what does 25 P mean??)

now All Might has Done The Thing and saved my boys, and now Mt. Lady is helping with the cleanup. scooping up all the bits of sludge and putting it in trash bags

oh my god

nope nevermind. nope. nope

-- shit. okay, you know what? this first chapter has been a real in-your-face reminder of the fact that the sludge monster was not made of cute sparkly 2018-trending-fad slime, but was in fact composed of RAW FUCKING SEWAGE. (ETA: to be clear, I’m pretty sure the joke in this strip is that she accidentally picked up dog-doo during her clean-up. but still, the fact that it was indistinguishable from the rest of the gunk speaks for itself.) I think I forced myself to gloss over this fact originally due to the nope factor. but just. Izuku and Katsuki were both choking to death on this shit?? and just, how the fuck did they make it out of this not traumatized

and also, like. All Might was straight up going to leave Izuku alone afterwards, just, “well enjoy your autograph, fine citizen” and blasting off out of there. and everyone fucking saw Katsuki almost suffocate to death later on, and after giving him a pat on the back they fucking let him go off on his own too? and you can’t even make the argument that this was Just Another Day In Quirk Society either, because more than a year later, Katsuki is still a bona fide fucking celebrity from the media coverage of his attack. it clearly was not something that happens every day. in conclusion, these kids are resilient as fuck, and thank god for that because people apparently just do not give a shit, holy christ

anyway. at least Mt. Lady had gloves

OH MY GOD

I FUCKING KNEW IT OH MY GOD. THE ROIDS. MUSCLES LIKE THAT DON’T JUST GROW ON TREES, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LBS OF GARBAGE THIS KID HAULED OFF THE BEACH. THIS BOY BEEN HITTIN THE JUICE

Smash!!Might is so fucking shady omfg. probably sells cheap counterfeit electronics on Amazon

oh shit and that’s the end of the fucking chapter lol. that’s it?? that was only eight pages. fuck it, let’s read another. but first here’s Horikoshi’s note on the spin-off

so he really feels that Neda gets the spirit of the series and understands him. that’s very encouraging. the best spoofs and parodies are done out of love. I really think I’m going to enjoy this series

so! onward to chapter two

so here’s All Might dressed as Mr. 2 Bon Clay from One Piece, I guess??

“you know what’s funny? dressing a man in girl’s clothes LOL.” guys can we grow the fuck up. and also acknowledge that All Might can look good in anything, so this questionable gag wouldn’t have even landed anyway. you work that tutu All Might

lmao check out the past users of OFA here

All for One for All theory fucking confirmed lol. just look. that’s him in the back of the conga line. clearly

so Deku is all “hell yes why would I possibly say no??” but then

HIS LIMBS. lmao. sign here

in all seriousness, given the shit this kid has been through since the part of the series, All Might probably should have gotten him to sign a liability waiver of some sort. not that it would have stood, since Deku is underage! anyways Deku you totally have grounds to sue the shit out of the Symbol of Peace should you ever choose to do so. and the trend of Smash!!Might being shady af continues yes please give me more I love it

so now All Might is giving Deku his fitness plan which has a really elaborate name

given that this is Smash!!Might, I can’t help but wonder if this plan is in actuality some sort of MLM scheme. All Might are you trying to get Deku to do Herbalife

lol what in the fuck

the original series skipped right over a hell of a lot, it would seem. like the time Deku traveled to Arizona and fought coyotes in a poncho

I’m starting to suspect that Neda-sensei might be on some sort of substance. “let’s see what jokes can I make about chapter 2 of BnHA. I know, I’ll send the protagonist to a fictionalized version of the American Southwest in a sombrero, and then turn him into a 65-year-old oil tycoon.” naturally

lmao that’s really it, that’s the strip. moving right along. okay??

now Izuku is staring at the intimidating piles of Beach Trash and is all “I HAVE TO PICK ALL THIS SHIT UP?”

omg Deku no

somebody call Marie Kondo. Deku none of this is salvageable. not even to reuse in a color page photoshoot spread four years from now

OH SHIT

PROVED ME WRONG OH SNAP. SHOWED ME RIGHT WHERE I COULD PUT THOSE SASSY TAKES. MY BAD DEKU I’M SORRY

anyways I don’t know what Smash!!Might is so upset about. he probably wove some kind of clause into the contract Deku signed that allows him a percentage of the profits. unless Deku already spent it all on textbooks

what the fuck is this fucking series lmao

time for a round of “what is All Might casually crushing in this panel?” is it (a) a cardboard box, or (b) like, a mini-fridge or some fucking shit. IT COULD BE EITHER. IT MAKES EQUALLY AS MUCH SENSE EITHER WAY. “HEROES THESE DAYS ARE [FLEEEEEEX] OBSESSED WITH BEING FLASHY” 

holy shit no wonder he ran away to the Sierra Nevada. it’s only a matter of time before this freak fucking kills someone

NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO KAMUI WOODS DRESSED LIKE A DAFFODIL, IN THE SAME FUCKING COMIC STRIP, BECAUSE REASONS

my jokes about the mangaka being high as a fucking kite when he wrote this are gradually becoming less jokes and more serious inquiries??

lol so he coincidentally just stumbled across All Might and Deku at this exact moment

AND IT WAS A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR OH MY FUCKING GOD

do you guys remember during the final exam when All Might beat the everloving shit out of Deku and Kacchan, and everyone was all “JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU LEARN TO FUCKING HOLD BACK A LITTLE THEY ARE CHILDREN YOU MANIAC.” but now we can see plain as day that he was, in fact, holding back. anyways Smash!!Might is terrifying as shit and if this had been the main series I would have already pegged him as the final villain by this point

here he is now wearing an old-timey bathing suit but looking more like an escaped convict than anything else

this panel is actually canon. I’ve decided. this 100% definitely happened at some point. especially the swimsuit

now two bikini babes are walking up and they’re all “IS THAT ALL MIGHT??” with excited sparkly eyes because they don’t know that he’s actually a deranged con artist who crushes refrigerators like empty soda cans. this spin-off has truly opened my eyes

LOOK AT THIS SKEEVY FUCK. JUST LOOK

AND NOW HE’S RUNNING OFF AND LEAVING DEKU TO DROWN IN EXHAUSTION, SON OF A

“SUDDEN BUSINESS” KSJLDKF SMASH!!MIGHT IS A FUCKING MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ALSO DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. NOT ONE!! HE’S OUT THERE FUCKLESS, AND NO ONE IS SAFE

now Deku is approaching his mom all serious and says he wants to change up his diet

and she’s looking at the menu he prepared all impressed and thinking that she might join him. as long as it’s for your health, Inko. if this manga starts making jokes about your weight, I will beat it over the head with Deku’s textbooks

OMFG

THIS WENT IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION I WAS EXPECTING, AND THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER READ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. the whole fucking family is on the juice. and the fucking mangaka is on some special juice of his own oh my stars

now we’re cutting to Mt. Lady stomping on a car

thank fuck no one was actually in there. also does she not wear shoes

and also, it only just occurred to me that she must be another person with a special quirk costume, because her suit shrinks and expands along with her. Hagakure and Momo are really getting shafted by the costume design team here. they need to fire some people

anyway so Mt. Lady slipped on this carelessly placed vehicle and fell down and crushed an entire building whoops

bruh, you think you’re “ow.” let’s hope that building was empty too

and now she’s toppling another building just fucking because, I guess. and saying she can’t do urban areas

lmao and now the sidekick [CENSORED] manager from chapter one is back to guilt-trip her omg

I need this man to show up in every freaking chapter. please. respect my wishes

and now Izuku is standing on top of his collected pile of garbage screaming in victory

I only just realized that there’s still a big old Pile O’ Trash on this beach, though. someone needs to haul all of this junk away. or else get All Might and Mt. Lady to crush it all with a combined effort

oh shit here it comes y’all, the famous “eat my hair” scene. potential comedy gold right here omg

lol what the fuck

this man is a fucking billionaire and he’s out here clipping coupons and deleting pictures of his son in order to make room for them smdh

okay now we’re doing the hair scene

oh. oh no. I know where this is going sob please keep this comic rated PG for the children Neda

motherfucker they really --

Smash!!Might is a straight-up felon. this man has no fucking scruples. that’s okay Midoriya-shounen, if you don’t want to eat my hair we could just try some REDACTED, jesus christ I am going to need some bleach for my eyes after this

OR LET’S JUST STRAIGHT UP GO THERE WHY NOT

lmao sob. well, two chapters in and we’ve established that no territory is off-limits here. it’s a brave new world. wow

 so that’s it! our introduction to BnHA Smash!! I enjoyed it a lot and I will definitely be reading more! I’m not sure what kind of schedule I’ll keep, but this is a really good procrastination manga thus far, so knowing me I might actually work my way through this relatively quickly. especially since the Manga At Large is on break this week. anyways my deepest apologies to the many people who have been requesting for me to start Vigilantes instead. I just need something lighter right now, and this is a good fit. one of these days I’ll get my shit together with the other two spinoffs as well.