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stardustryewriting · 4 years ago

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A Learning Process (5)

AO3: here

Part 1 2 3 4

Solitary Learning

The first thing on Bakugou’s agenda should be to find out if Kirishima even liked guys. And since he didn’t have an agenda, he wouldn’t bother to find out. Even if did catch some stupid, warm, fuzzy, cozy feelings, that didn’t mean he would indulge them. They were only in the way, in his way, to become the number one hero. And he didn’t need any more path blockers.

And even if he thought about indulging them - which he didn’t, never, not even for a split second - that wouldn’t mean it led him to anything. Because the one thing no one could guarantee was if Kirishima even liked guys like that.

Bakugou had been friends with Kirishima since the sports festival, when that stupid, optimistic, sunshine-smile idiot insisted on forming a team with him, and Kirishima never said anything about liking anyone. Maybe he, like Bakugou himself, was determined to not get sidetracked by something as trivial as feelings. Or maybe, none of the girls were interesting to him. Or maybe, even if he was into guys, he was into another type of guys.

The possibilities were near endless. Bakugou decided not to dwell on it.

So, he did the logical thing and avoided Kirishima at all costs. Not because he didn’t know how to deal with his feelings (he didn’t, but that wasn’t the point), but because every time he saw Kirishima, the idiot was trying to get him to talk about what bothers him. And that was the one thing Bakugou was currently trying to forget.

He wasn’t even really avoiding Kirishima, he was just avoiding being alone with Kirishima, because as soon as at least one other friend of theirs was present, Kirishima suddenly didn’t have an urge to talk about feelings anymore. So Bakugou had been more social in the past week, than he ever had been in his life.

Unfortunately, it led him to where he was now. Which was the common room, on a Friday night, sitting around the TV with what Kaminari had called the Bakusquad. He immediately took the name back, when Bakugou glared daggers at him, but the others had heard, so the damage was done. Also, since when was Jirou a part of their squad? (Bakugou would deny to his dying day, that there was a ‘squad’).

Even worse, Mina had picked out the movie, because apparently it was her turn - and he couldn’t help but silently agree with Kaminari and Sero that there never had been ‘turns’ - so they were stuck watching some romance movie. Which proved that life was just a joke at his expense, really. Also, Mina ignored most of the movie in favor of making ‘girls talk’ (read: talking about boys) with Jirou, which didn’t even really work because Jirou was a lesbian.

The only thing keeping Bakugou from running away was the certainty that Kirishima would be on his heels. And then, he’d have to talk.

“If Aizawa were our age, I’d go for it”, Mina said, completely unprompted to an entirely disinterested Jirou and Bakugou was about to tell her how much he doesn’t care, but Kirishima was faster. Bakugou almost suffered a heart attack.

“Yeah, me too.”

That was a whole lot of information Bakugou had to unpack. So much information, in fact, that he completely forgot to snap at Mina for starting that conversation. Me too? What did he mean Me too? Did he find a guy objectively attractive? Would he have phrased it like that, if it were objective? Who even found Aizawa of all people attractive?

He felt his head swimming, the gears turning and his thoughts going into overdrive. No matter how you looked at it, Kirishima just admitted to liking guys. He just turned Bakugou’s entire assessment about his feelings not mattering on its head by saying three simple words. Yeah, me too never felt like such a slap to his face. He loathed how easy it was to catch him off-guard these days.

“Dude what?”, Kaminari exclaimed, sounding like he was caught off guard, too. To be fair, he probably was. Bakugou certainly wasn’t expecting any of them to come out of the closet that night and neither were the others, if their shocked expressions and silent stares at Kirishima were anything to go by.

“Yeah”, Kirishima said, raising one hand to the back of his head and started rubbing, a gesture Bakugou knew meant he was nervous, “I always liked guys. I was a bit nervous to tell you, but since Midoriya and Todoroki came out and all of you took it so well, I guess it doesn’t matter. So yeah, I’m gay.”

“Congrats”, Jirou said, without a moment's hesitation and then raised her glass as if she wanted to toast. That broke the ice quite well, as both Mina and Kaminari also quickly assured Kirishima that being gay changed nothing but Mina’s plans of shipping. Which wasn’t anything of value.

“Great bro, just don’t hit on me”, Sero joked, obviously surprised and at a loss for words. Not as much as Bakugou tho.

“He’s gay, not desperate”, Jirou shot back immediately, before Kirishima even had the chance to open his mouth. If Bakugou were in a better state of mind, he would have officially accepted her as part of his non-existent squad, just for that comment. But he wasn’t.

Because Kirishima was gay. He liked guys. Suddenly what could happen if Bakugou revealed his feelings wasn’t so hypothetical anymore. He could stand a chance at having something real with Kirishima. Something that would feel warm, and safe and welcoming, if he were to believe Todoroki. He could hold hands, and kiss Kirishima. They could share a bed, so Kirishima would be the last one he saw at night and the first one he saw in the morning. Scary thought.

Scary, because Bakugou could feel it growing on him. Like some tumor he never asked for, and that his body mistook for something pleasant instead of something to cut off. Extra dead weight, that could get very dangerous, very quickly. He needed to get rid of it. Get rid of it soon.

Before it became his undoing.

“Bakugou?” Kaminari called from his side, but it sounded like a question. Only then did Bakugou realize that he spaced out, and he was the only one who hasn’t yet said anything about Kirishima’s recent reveal. Because he was too busy thinking about it, which none of the idiots was allowed to find out.

“Yeah, congrats”, he mumbled absentmindedly, trying to figure out the fastest way to get out of this situation. He didn’t trust himself staying there any longer than needed. “Gotta go, this whole thing is stupid.”

Definitely not the smartest thing he could have said, not by a landslide. He saw hurt flicker across Kirishima’s eyes for barely a second and he felt himself internally cringing, at his absolute inability to choose words wisely. He stopped himself from physically cringing and hoped he hadn’t done irreparable damage.

“Yeah, this kind of movie isn't your thing”, Kirishima said distractedly and Bakugou quickly agreed if only to save face. Better blame the movie than let them think he was rushing away because he was uncomfortable with gay people. Or worse, let them find out what really was so uncomfortable about Kirishima’s specific coming out.

So he walked away, after Kirishima offered him an out. And if he walked a bit faster than usual, that was no one’s business.

__________________

“That was weird”, Kaminari commented after Bakugou’s too swift retreat. Kirishima brushed him off, not wanting to talk about it. He never stood a chance anyway, so it shouldn’t matter what Bakugou thought of him being gay. He purposefully ignored the look Jirou was sending him, in favor of concentrating on the movie. Even though it was a bad movie.

“Yeah”, Jirou agreed loudly, possibly to force a reaction out of Kirishima, “I thought we got rid of the last homophobe when Mineta was expelled.” Kirishima knew for a fact that Jirou prolonged her coming out until after Mineta was gone. He couldn’t help being relieved himself.

“He isn’t homophobic. He probably just needs time to process”, he heard himself defending Bakugou, though his heart wasn’t in it. Maybe that was his actual problem with spending time with Midoriya and Todoroki. Maybe Bakugou knew about Midoriya’s preferred gender long before any of them did, and that was his reason for his violent behaviour.

Kirishima hated the thought, but it was a possibility.

“Process what? There isn’t anything to process. He’s making a big deal out of nothing”, Jirou protested immediately and Mina agreed with her via a firm nod. Kirishima didn’t know how long he could still defend Bakugou. He wasn’t even sure there was something to defend anymore.

“Cut him some slack! His best friend coming out so unexpectedly might have caught him off guard. We all know how much he hates that”, Kaminari joined in and Jirou grumbled in disgruntled agreement. Normal conversation rules barely applied to Bakugou, even under normal circumstances.

Still, when the ruckus calmed down somewhat and Kirishima was alone with his thoughts again - movie fading into a background noise no matter how much he tried to concentrate on it - he couldn’t help but think. What if he really ruined his friendship with Bakugou by coming out? What if Bakugou did hate the thought of him with another guy?

He shot Bakugou a text before he could think better of it. He really wished he would have thought about it before.

hey i hope my confession hasn’t changed anything you know, you’re not disgusted or anything

He wanted to hit himself. How stupid could he possibly be? Who sent that kind of text to someone who just fled the scene? An idiot, only an idiot could do something like that. Kirishima put the phone face-down under his thigh on the couch and deliberately ignored it, even when it vibrated two times. No one even said it was Bakugou’s answer, but Kirishima wouldn’t look at it.

Because if Bakugou confirmed that, yes, in fact he was disgusted by Kirishima, he wouldn’t know what he’d do. Probably break down right there, on a couch in the middle of the common room, surrounded by his friends. He refused to stoop that low.

So, after the movie was over, he made a show of not hurrying to his room. Instead he helped clear away their snacks, cleaned the dishes they were served in and even listened to Kaminari’s dumb take on the ending. Only after all this did he excuse himself, to make his way upstairs. He tip-toed past Bakugou’s room, to not upset him any further, should his response actually be negative.

In his room, he took his time changing into his pyjamas and sorting his clothes of the day into the dirty clothes pile or onto the chair, if they were good for one more day. Then, he decided, he would get out his homework for the next week and sort it into a pile in a way that the most urgent ones were the first ones he would grab the next morning. He intentionally ignored his sweaty palms and his steadily louder beating heart throughout it all.

Only when there was nothing else to do - and he double-checked that there was nothing else he could possibly do - did he get his phone from his nightstand. He saw his hands shaking more than he felt them and in any other situation, he would have laughed. Who got this worked up over a text? But currently he felt more like throwing up than laughing, so he didn’t.

Of course not. Do I look like Mineta to you Shitty Hair? It was unexpected is all

Kirishima couldn’t help the light feeling washing over him. Like a weight dropping off his shoulders. He did actually laugh a little at that. So what if he still didn’t stand a chance with Bakugou? At least he wasn’t hated.

__________________

Bakugou was looking over the city, which was far below him at this point. He took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air and closed his eyes for a second to bask in the early spring sun. He heard the ground scrunch beneath his feet with every little movement he made. What a satisfying sound. It was barely lunch, but he was already near the top and it made a sense of accomplishment wash over him.

Mountain climbing has always been his best stress relief.

Even now, it proved worthy of the time he spent arguing with All Might about a last minute permission slip to go out that morning. All Might was just too curious for his own good. But Bakugou got his permission and he’d wasted no time in getting out of the school and onto the first bus driving in the right direction.

He missed mountain climbing. There was no better way to clear your head and get your shit in order than climbing the highest mountain in vicinity and worrying about nothing but arriving on the top. The top, where he could scream about his problems from the top of his lungs and no one would hear him. Finally a good way to get rid of his pent-up aggression. Reaching the top was also like a mini-training session, which was never a bad thing.

It was also the perfect way to think about stuff, without being interrupted. ‘Stuff’ was of course referring to his feelings for Kirishima. Feelings, which might just amount to anything, now that Bakugou knew Kirishima liked guys. He tried not to linger on that for too long. Even if Kirishima liked guys, and Bakugou did fit his description of a manly guy, there was still a problem.

He wasn’t the kind of guy you wanted to introduce to your parents. He was loud and explosive - both figuratively and literally. He had a too thin patience and virtually no people skills. Those were the reasons he had failed his provisional licence exam, the first time around. All in all, Bakugou wasn’t the kind of guy someone would proudly call their boyfriend. Or anything beyond that, really. He wasn’t even sure people proudly called him a friend.

He never cared before, he shouldn’t care now. Except he did. And he didn’t. Because thinking about whether or not Kirishima would call him his boyfriend, proudly or not, was obsolete anyways. He would never even let it get that far.

If Kirishima actually returned his feelings - and that was the unlikely version - he still wouldn’t do anything, because there wasn’t a point in doing anything. If it went well and they started dating, Kirishima would stop at Bakugou’s boundaries for physical touch. Or at his absolute inability to voice anything but anger in the feelings departement. Or at the fact that apparently it takes two business weeks for Bakugou to figure out what the weird feeling in his chest is. Eventually, Bakugou’s shortcomings would be the death of any potential relationship he could have with Kirishima.

On the other hand, if his feelings weren’t returned - which was more likely, considering his previous reasons not to date him - the only thing he would accomplish by confessing would be absolutely wrecking one of the best friendships he’s had in years. He wasn’t about to do that. So it was doing nothing and waiting out his feelings. They couldn’t last forever, could they?

Bakugou hated the waiting out tactic. He wasn’t patient enough for it, not by a mile. But Aizawa always told him to work on his weaknesses and he was nothing, if not a good student. Not necessarily in the traditional sense, but still. He was third place in the mid-term exams and always high-ranking - if not first - in the hero exams. Which he wouldn’t be, if he couldn’t apply criticism to his training routine. He would just view this as a big training exercise. He could do that.

When he finally reached the top, he let his back-pack fall to the ground. He took a second to gather his thoughts and refocus on the main reason he went there. Screaming out his anger and frustration until nothing was left. Then he walked to the edge slowly, looking over what lay beneath him once again.

It wasn’t a very big mountain, so he could still see the city and everything else fairly well. Still, he was sure no one would hear him, because he was alone and sound didn’t travel that well into the city. Even if it did, U.A. lay at the completely opposite side that he was currently facing. Bakugou took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts and then screamed out what had been plaguing him for two weeks:

“Stupid fucking hair, stupid fucking smile! Stupid Shitty Hair worrying about me, like a damn saint. IDIOT always staring at me and being so fucking considerate and saying stuff so flirtingly. I FUCKING HATE LIKING MY BEST FRIEND!”

He felt lighter somehow. He let himself fall flat on his back after he was done, staring up at the sky like he hadn’t in a while. The position of the sun let him assume it was around lunch time and a quick glance at his phone confirmed that. It also showed him a missed call from Kirishima, undoubtedly to ask if he felt alright.

He got up, screamed some more unintelligible things at the void and ignored the call. Then, he went to his backpack and took out the lunch he made himself.

__________________

Kirishima didn’t even try to resist the urge to check his phone again. He had taken the entire night to work up the courage to finally confront Bakugou about all of his weird behaviour, only for his plans to be blown off again. When he had eventually encouraged himself enough to go knock at Bakugou’s door that morning, determined not to leave until he got his answers, he got nothing instead.

Nothing but freezing feet, because he stood in front of that door for a while, thinking that Bakugou willingly ignored him. If Midoriya hadn’t come by to tell him that Bakugou got permission from All Might to go out, he’d probably still stand there. Like the idiot he was.

So, he tried calling and reached deaf ears. He only called once to not appear too desperate. He didn’t want Bakugou to think he was dependent on him or something along those lines. He figured Bakugou would call back, eventually, at least to yell at him to not annoy him, when he deliberately wanted to spend time on his own. He got nothing instead.

No call, no text, no sign that Bakugou still wanted something to do with him.

“You’re looking awfully down”, Kaminari said, sliding in the chair next to him, propping his head on one hand and his hand on the table to look at him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing big”, Kirishima sighed, truthfully, because Bakugou wasn’t ignoring him for the first time. It wasn’t even really a rare occurrence. Bakugou wasn’t a people-person, not by a long shot, he usually prefered his quiet and spending time away from people. He actually sought out alone-time, like Kirishima sought out time to spend with other people. They were polar opposites in that regard.

Normally, it didn’t bother Kirishima. He found it weird at first, but Todoroki - who shared Bakugou’s fondness of alone-time - tried to explain once that it was like the battery of a phone. His ability to be around people charged when he was alone and it depleted when he spent time with people. Once it was fully depleted it would need to charge again. Kirishima never got confirmation, but he always assumed it worked similarly for Bakugou. But usually, Bakugou wasn’t mad at him, when he kept away.

“Bakugou’s gone out without telling anybody”, Kaminari guessed, even though it wasn’t phrased as a question and Kirishima could only nod in response. Kaminari raised one of his eyebrows at him, but whatever he wanted to say was rudely interrupted by Jirou, who yelled over the back of the couch.

“Fuck him!” She was immediately chided by Iida for her choice of words, but Mina enthusiastically agreed with her anyway. Iida tried to make a compromise - they could be mad at Bakugou, but they should still use appropriate language - and Yaoyorozu backed him. Jirou agreed that her choice of words was harsh after that - Kaminari waggled his eyebrows at Kirishima and he couldn’t help but snicker, because of course Jirou would agree with Yaoyorozu. Still, Mina was onto him now.

“Is it about Bakugou?”, she inquired in a sickly-sweet voice, that made Kaminari fake-gag. He got a slap on the back of his head for that, at which Jirou chuckled in the background. Good to know she was still paying attention. As was probably everyone else in the common room, Kirishima was aware. This could end bad.

“Not really, I just wanted to know whether he was okay. But he seems to be”, ignoring me was the way this sentence would end, if he were realistic and honest, “distracted.” Which wasn’t a lie, not really, because if Bakugou wanted to ignore him, he would distract himself. He still felt slightly bad about saying it like that.

“Is there something we can do about that?”, Mina asked, now sounding like she honestly wanted to help him. That was worse, way worse, because Kirishima wasn’t even a hundred percent honest with her.

“Fuck him?”, Kaminari suggested playfully, big idiotic-smile across his face, waggling his eyebrows first at Kirishima, suggestively and then at Jirou mockingly. Kirishima tried not to choke on his spit, while trying to come up with a good comeback. Jirou flipped him the bird behind Yaoyorozu’s head. Iida saw it anyway and turned it into a completely new lecture. A very loud lecture. At least the others couldn’t overhear them easily anymore.

“I was thinking about comfort ice-cream!”, Mina declared and Kirishima had never been happier about a change of topics before, “With strawberries and chocolate sauce.”

With that she marched right into the kitchen, closely followed by Kaminari, who wouldn’t say no to ice-cream, even if he were laying on his deathbed. Kirishima had half the mind to go with them, but he trusted Mina with making big ice-cream bowls for all of them. Instead he checked his phone again. He didn’t count how often he’d been doing it, ever since he first called, but the result remained the same. No new messages from Bakugou.

Mina and Kaminari came back a few minutes later with delicious looking ice-cream bowls in hand and deep in a discussion about whether the Avengers or the Justice League would win a fight. Kirishima took the ice-cream gratefully and joined effortlessly into the discussion, making a case for Tony Stark’s superior intellect, which Kaminari immediately countered (“Superman is literally ‘Out of this World’, no way some brain cells counter that.”). The discussion went on for longer than it had any right to, but it served its purpose. While arguing passionately in favor of Iron Man, he forgot to check his phone.

__________________

In hindsight, ignoring the call might have not been the best thing he could have done. Bakugou knew this, the moment he stepped through the front door, because Jirou - who was braiding Yaoyorozu’s hair on the common room couch, for some reason - immediately regarded him with a stink eye. So, she still thought he was homophobic, which was great. (Not really.)

Yaoyorozu, at least, was more civil and instead of sending him weird looks, that he couldn’t properly interpret anyways, she just informed him that Kirishima had been looking for him. Something Bakugou already knew, by virtue of the still unanswered call his phone showed him everytime he checked the time that day. But he didn’t feel like arguing, so he just went past them, to the elevator to get to his room.

Bakugou felt all of his irritation - that he spent the majority of the day working off - rushing back, when the elevator doors opened and he came face to face with Kirishima. Someone must have been playing a joke at his expense. Kirishima, for his part, looked as surprised as Bakugou was about their encounter, so at least he hadn’t been stalking him. It was only a small consolation.

As soon as Bakugou side-stepped to let Kirishima out, the other shook his head firmly and Bakugou knew, there was no way out of this. Kirishima finally had him cornered. He played briefly with the thought of getting off at another level and acting like he wanted something from one of their classmates, but he knew it was futile. The only two he was certain weren’t in the common room right that moment were Deku and Todoroki. He certainly wasn’t about to interrupt Deku and Todoroki.

“I think we should talk”, Kirishima said, seriously, after Bakugou had stepped in and the elevator doors had closed. Smart, he knew very well Bakugou wouldn’t have taken the elevator with him, if he had said so before. It really added to feeling trapped, too. He wouldn’t tell Kirishima that.

“You think?”, Bakugou questioned, deciding that since avoidance was out of question - Kirishima smartly made sure of that - he would power through instead. How long could he play dumb, before Kirishima became frustrated with him? He was willing to find out.

“Yes, I think”, Kirishima replied firmly, straightening his back, while he was watching the numbers tick by. They were almost at their level, Bakugou knew, because he too watched the numbers, to avoid having to look at Kirishima for just a moment longer. It was futile, he knew, eventually they would arrive and then he’d have to justify himself, for all of his weird behaviour. He tried not to think about it too much.

When they arrived too soon, Kirishima made sure Bakugou got out of the elevator first and then he was hot on his heels, until Bakugou opened his door and let Kirishima in. They fell back into their old pattern, Bakugou sitting on his back and Kirishima in his desk chair, idly swinging himself from side to side with one foot. Bakugou felt the deja-vu and he’d bask in it, except last time they were in his room like that, it didn’t end well.

He doubted it would work out better this time.

Kirishima hummed, looking around Bakugou’s room, over the All Might poster that had been hanging on his walls since the day he moved in. He remembered how Kirishima had teased him for them, briefly, before admitting to having a secret Crimson Riot poster in his dorm, when Bakugou became irritated with him. He briefly wondered if Kirishima remembered that day, too, whenever he looked at Bakugou’s posters. It was an easier time.

“You know”, Kirishima said, slowly and quietly, like he didn’t want to disturb their current peace, “I always thought it was cool that you strived so high. Wanting to be like All Might is something, really. You remember how embarrassed you’d been when I first saw that?” He pointed at the very same poster Bakugou had been thinking about, a vague smile on his lips, like it wasn’t sure it belonged there.

“You almost raised hell”, Kirishima continued, without offering Bakugou a chance to answer, “But when I told you, your secret was safe with me, you trusted me. Just like when I offered you my hand to escape Kamino or when I checked your back for injuries after rough training sessions. You’ve always trusted me.”

He lowered his head, silence heavy in the air and Bakugou was convinced there was something else. He could feel it lingering in the air between them, he saw it in the way his chair speed up, because Kirishima put more pressure on the leg that was swinging him. Something big was coming and it agitated Kirishima. It agitated Bakugou, too, but he wouldn’t show it. He refused.

“Why don’t you trust me anymore?”, Kirishima breathed, barely loud enough for Bakugou to hear, in a terrible broken voice, that was nothing like Kirishima. That wasn’t the loud, happy, sunshine-smile guy he fell in love with. That was after the sports festival Kirishima, who feared his quirk wasn’t flashy enough and that he wasn’t good enough. That wasn’t the unwavering, unbreakable best friend that Bakugou respected. And it was his fault.

“I do trust you”, he argued, ignoring his pride, while admitting what he’d never thought he needed to admit. But he’d be damned if Kirishima was falling apart because of him.

“No, you don’t”, Kirishima shot back, a sniffing sound accompanying his statement, but he still didn’t look at Bakugou.

“Yes, I do”, he replied firmly, not knowing what else to say. Not, without giving too much away.

“If you did”, Kirishima declared, head snapping up and Bakugou could see his red-rimmed eyes, “You would tell me what’s bothering you!”

“Nothing bothers me”, he snapped, not even regretting his tone, when Kirishima’s expression visibly hardened, “I’m just fine!”

“I know for a fact that you’re not ‘fine’”, Kirishima argued, heavy tone in his voice but refusing to budge. Bakugou hated how hard-headed his best friend could be sometimes. And people thought Bakugou was the stubborn one out of the two. Kirishima was just as bad.

“You know ‘for a fact’”, Bakugou mocked, seeing Kirishima deflate at his statement, but still not stopping. He wasn’t even sure he could go back anymore.

Kirishima sagged into himself again, the hardened look on his face vanished as fast as it had appeared and he just looked tired. In a way that let Bakugou know he had been thinking about something too heavily for too long. Bakugou would have wondered if he had that same look on his face, if he was any more rational. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.

“You know shit about me!”, he declared, hoping to solve this matter once and for all, but Kirishima had other plans. Which obviously included a change of tactics.

"Do you ever want to talk about your feelings, Bakugou?", Kirishima inquired gently, as if he feared scaring Bakugou away. Bakugou couldn’t help but feel belittled. Him, being scared away by some words. Kirishima must have been delusional. (There was a voice inside his head, that was, in fact, scared by the sudden change of topics, but his pride and his anger roared louder.)

"FUCK NO!"

“Well, I think you should”, Kirishima said, not budging from his position and Bakugou noted duly, that he stopped swinging some time ago. He paid it no mind. Instead he tried to argue again, but Kirishima was faster.

“You fleeing from the mall, the talk with Todoroki, your almost clash with Monoma and then fleeing again when I came out yesterday”, Kirishima listed, effortlessly and Bakugou started to feel like Kirishima had thought this conversation out before, “They are all related, aren’t they?”

“And if they were”, Bakugou said even though he felt more like he was admitting something, because he really didn’t see a way out, “it still wouldn’t be your business.”

“You’re right. Technically it’s not”, Kirishima agreed easily, voice still so damn quiet and heavy with something unspoken, that Bakugou just couldn’t point out. It irritated him almost as much as the rest of the conversation did. “But I feel like it’s related to me.”

That was the most efficient thing to shut Bakugou up in a while. Even his brain provided no more words or thoughts for him, it was just empty. A state of mind, which he failed to achieve for days brought forth by one sentence from Kirishima. He’d laugh at the irony, but he wasn’t sure he had that capacity right now. He wasn’t sure he had any capacity for anything.

“What makes you think that?”, he mumbled, still feeling like he was out of his body and out of the conversation.

“You’re looking at me like”, Kirishima hesitated, probably to look for the right word and Bakugou realised somewhere in the corner of his mind that this might be the end. He felt strangely calm for that. “Like you’re disgusted. What did I do? Just tell me what I did, please!”

The pleading tone in Kirishima’s voice almost broke his heart, he felt disgusted with himself for letting it get that far. All because of some stupid feelings that ultimately wouldn’t even amount to anything.

“Nothing has changed!”, he argued, weakly, his brain still rebooting and he really hoped it wouldn’t take much longer. He didn’t know how much more of this conversation he could get through on auto-pilot. He didn’t even know how dependable his auto-pilot was.

“Yes it has, and you know it.”

"Well, you STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE! maybe I don't wanna be your damn friend!", he exploded, because obviously his brain couldn’t reboot fast enough and his anger decided to take over. Kirishima looked like Bakugou had actually physically hit him. Was there a worse way to phrase that particular sentiment? Bakugou highly doubted it.

Slowly, carefully, as if he feared upsetting Bakugou anymore, Kirishima cradled his hand against his chest, eyes still blown wide and his mouth stood open, without anything coming out. Bakugou didn’t even have to concentrate to see the tears forming in Kirishima’s eyes. He distantly felt pressure burning behind his own as well.

“You don’t mean that”, Kirishima whispered, but it sounded like a plea and Bakugou wished he could take it back, but his brain was still out of order and his anger still reigned.

“Yes, I meant that”, he barked back, voice more aggressive than he ever remembered it being, despite feeling numb. He saw a few tears slip down Kirishima’s cheeks and for the first time since his brain went out, he heard something other than his anger giving orders in his head. He wanted, so desperately, to wipe away that tear and hold Kirishima close.

“Well”, Kirishima breathed, tonelessly, before Bakugou had properly finished his last thought, “That’s an answer.”

He didn’t run. He got up slowly, moved past Bakugou’s furniture and to his door with care, but purpose and didn’t say another word, didn’t even look at him, until he was about to close the door. While standing in his doorway, Kirishima gave him one last look, so devoid of emotion apart from the tear trays on his cheeks, that Bakugou felt like crying. Maybe he was, he wasn’t sure. Kirishima closed the door slowly, it only made a low sound, when it fell shut, but it still echoed loudly and Bakugou’s mind.

A few minutes later, when his brain had finally started working again, the only thought it provided for him was: Well, you might as well have told him. Now it’s all shit anyways.

#kiribaku #angst #fanfic #mina #mina ashido #jirou #kirishima eijirou #kirishima #bakugou katsuki #bakugou

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spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia · 5 years ago

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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: Sofia The First (1.1): “Once Upon A Princess”

yeah, it’s been a while, life is hectic and i have two shows backlogged because my bros want to see it but we never get to. Anyway, gonna try to get a lot of reviews done this weekend.

Sofia The First is a little children’s show that actually tries to be good, created by GOD HIMSELF Craig Gerber, a man who has portrayed blended families, latino rep, disabled people, diversity, death, grief, depression, guilt, familial ruin and more with utsmost perfection.

So yeah, even in a simple pilot like this which still isn’t as complex as his later work, still deals with the troubles of fitting in with a new family, especially when it’s blended, and yeah, I nearly adore it!

SUMMERY: The pilot movie introduces Sofia, the daughter of a shoe-shop owner named Miranda. Both of them have been living happily together in the kingdom of Enchancia for as long as Sofia can remember. On a fateful day, her and her mother are called to the castle to help King Roland II for a shoe fitting, who soon marries her mother, crowning her Enchancia's new Queen and Sofia as its new princess. With the help of Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather from Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty, now headmistresses at a school for royalty known as Royal Preparatory Academy, Sofia tries to adjust to royal life. She is also gifted a beautiful purple amulet as a welcoming gift, soon realizing that it is in fact the power of the Amulet of Avalor that grants her magical powers, such as the ability to talk to and understand animals. However, this amulet is coveted by the kingdom's royal sorcerer Cedric, who wants to use its power to take over Enchancia. Combined with the stresses of royal life and fitting in to a new school, Sofia has to deal with her jealous stepsister Amber, who feels that her father loves Sofia over her.King Roland soon announces a welcoming ball for Sofia, where she has to dance in front of everyone. Sofia has no clue about Cedric's evil plans and consider him a good friend, borrowing a spell from him to make her look like a good dancer after missing out a dance class thanks to Amber. The truth is that the "dancing spell" is actually one enforced to make everyone in the ballroom fall asleep, and that is when Cedric will trade the antidote for the amulet with Sofia. Before the ball, Amber accidentally rips her dress, and stays in her room due to her embarrassment and her brother James berating her for her schemes. During the ball, all the guests at the ball and the royal family present (excluding Sofia and Amber) fall asleep, including Cedric. The Amulet of Avalor summons Cinderella to give Sofia the courage to step forward and resolve matters with Amber, who teaches her how to dance. The two girls infiltrate Cedric's tower and find the counter-spell after Sofia sews up Amber's dress for her. Waking up everyone, Sofia dances proudly at her ball, as her new father anoints her the title of Princess Sofia the First.Songs: "I'm Not Ready to be a Princess", "Royal Prep", "A Little Bit of Food", "True Sisters", and "Rise and Shine (end titles)"Disney Princess guest: Cinderella from Disney's Cinderella trilogy

COMEDY: 2 Out of 5

I hate starting off negative, this was so wholesome and pure and lovely and deep! But, sadly, the comedy, even for a little children’s show, is a bit lacking.

Not completely, mind you! There are some decent gags, some fun dialogue between Sofia and Cedric the Sorcerer, the whole woodland animals wanting food as payment for helping princesses song is witty.

But, well, there aren’t many jokes attempted, as the focus is more on the story and the characters and Sofia’s problems fitting in, which is totally ok! We respect that here, which is why it’s getting a still sort of decent score here, and why the pilot movie will receive a really good score once we move on to the next sections!

CHARACTERS: 4 Out of 5

While we are only at pilot mode, and many characters (Roland, Cedric, Baileywhick, the other students, Miranda, heck, even the animals) are yet to show their true depth, we do have a great emotional plot between the three new siblings!

We have Sofia, our optimistic and wonderfully kind but lonely protagonist; James, the slightly too fun loving but very caring older brother; and Amber, the flawed and mean older sister who has a heart deep down despite her first impression.

Sofia is an absolute gem, a moe girl who doesn’t care for all the “perks”, and is only wants to help and love, but also to be loved in return. One can tell that she is afraid of letting everyone down, that her new family won’t love her if she’s not a perfect princess, so she works her hardest to be one. It’s honestly heartbreaking everytime she’s sad, and her kind deeds are so genuine you’ll just d’aww at her every time! She earns your sympathy immediately, and that’s BEFORE all her TRULY kind deeds!

James is an interesting bridge between Amber and Sofia: While he can be naughty like his sister, he’s a lot kinder and nicer to Sofia, willing to welcome her immediately. I love that he doesn’t really understand that pranking her is mean, and when he does he works super hard to make it up to her, even giving Amber a “Reason You Suck” speech to make her understand she was wrong to prank Sofia. He plays to his role perfectly, and I am a lot more interested in him than I was when I watched the show!

And at last we have Amber, the pseudo antagonist (more a foil) of the special. Amber acts like a total jerk for nearly the entire runtime, I wouldn’t blame anyone for disliking her, I did too! However, her motivations (while vain) are understandable. We all hate feeling left out, replaced, forgotten. Amber knows that everyone loves Sofia more, and she is determined to be loved too, but it just doesn’t work out. That is, until Amber realizes she did a wrong thing, more than makes amends, and accepts Sofia as her sister. I honestly LOVE characters like this, so I have a good feeling about her!

And while they don’t get to play deep roles, everyone else fills up the cast remarkably, from the fun antics of Clover, Mia and Robin, to the parental love of Roland and Miranda, to the incredibly joyful “evil” that is Cedric (can’t WAIT to talk about his arc!).

STORY AND HEART: 4 Out of 5

A lot of critics like to bash wholesome whimsey as childish, as useless. True art is angsty, after all, and nothing good can come out of optimism, childlike wonder, or love.

Those people are wrong.

A show doesn’t need to be a heavy drama or a deep exploration of the darkness of men to be good. Sometimes you just need a fairytale with a good message.

Sofia The First may seem like a cutesy girl show, but it isn’t. It’s a show about treating others the way you would want to be treated, of being kind and caring to everyone, of learning to overcome your flaws and mistakes, and becoming a good person.

I felt really happy watching this. And in these hard times, where good people are being oppressed for the most trivial of reasons, it’s nice to remember that there ARE kind people out there.

So I will be like Sofia: I will stand with those who need help, and may the whole world hate me, i don’t care. We are a family, and those who want to destroy it will back down.

For I stand with George Floyd.

Yeah, I know this is an odd place to put that, but IDC. BLM!

FINAL SCORE: 10 Out of 15

A damn good pilot! Can’t wait for the rest!

Next time we have Nightmare Ned, a slightly incomplete show (tho i might be able to find the rest), and it should be interesting!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit

#disney cartoons #disney channel #disney junior #craig gerber #sofia the first #ariel winter #cedric the sorcerer #princess amber #princess sofia #prince james #flora #fauna #merryweather #spongeguy #every Disney Animated Show Reviewed #george floyd #blm #blacklivesmatter

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citialiin · 5 years ago

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FIVE SONGS

list five songs associated with your muse and its meaning to them as a character, or to you as the writer. this can be applied in-character or out-of-character. it can go as deep as looking at the song’s real-world origins or meaning along with the themes it carries to the muses’ story, values, or experiences, or as simple as if your muse would listen to this kind of music, or even if you just listen to these pieces for inspiration.

TAGGED BY: @dansiere, who did such a good detailed job they even included an “honorable mentions list” ? i am embarrassed to type mine out now TAGGING: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @dirtyfilthysunshine @prcphesise @hyakiru @foxcharmed

01. kaun komsott - ros sereysothea

this song actually lyrically has absolutely nothing to do with ziggy !!!! kaun komsott / កូនកំសត់ actually just means “poor/pitiful child” it’s just a khmer dub of a song from a taiwanese movie lol but i feel like this is the kind of music he would listen to that made him fall in love with, like ... humanity, as dumb as that sounds. it’s time period appropriate (late 60s/early to mid 70s), the song is really good and it’s SO emotional. i could see him sitting in the apartment of his bandmates after being “found” and they teach him how to use the record player and he sits there going through each and every record they have and listening to this and its like the fucking scene in ratatootie where the goddamn rat can visualize tastes as colors but he would be so enamored with the song he would see it in colors or something i dunno. something has definitely fucking happened to my brain because ever since nat and alex and i rewatched ratatootie we keep referencing it for our characters. anyways i ended up using an instrumental of kaun komsott in the final film i made as the song that plays during the end. so this song just also means a lot to me because it’s part of how i made this character and the film/story i animated to go along with him, i am sure you are all absolutely sick of hearing me talk about it <3

02. who can i be now - daveed booweyywywy now you found me, now can I be real? can I be real? if it’s all a vast creation / putting on a face that’s new someone has to see / a role for him and me someone might as well be you

one of z’s most obvious character motifs is figuring out self identity through adopting different guises. he markets himself as being so overly confident and almost arrogantly certain of himself -- rock god space idol whatever -- as his own way of learning who he thinks he might be underneath it all. i think at first it started off a little innocuous, a ‘ fake it till u make it ’ thing at the least and maybe more obviously a ‘ im not a human so i have to pretend to be someone else ’ deal, but over time it became almost all consuming and just obliterated all his previously held sense of self in favor of some weirdly demented version of who he wanted to be. 683 starts off with the same core personality traits as ziggy: maybe he’s a little vain, a little selfish, but he’s very interested in creativity/self-expression and he wants to be thought of as a unique individual and appreciated for his differences. but the difference is that 683 isnt an arrogant asshole who has no regard for other people in the slightest. so yeah ... who can u be now ... is it worth it to adopt a different guise or should he go through the effort of figuring out what parts of his personality were corroded by human influence and what parts are genuinely him? my big endgame thoughts for his story would be that he eventually just decides to retire from the public eye and fucks off entirely. this would be over the course of a long long long time -- maybe he has a good 20 yr run in the industry -- but there are some things about him he has to deal with (mental health issues, drug addiction, also the fact that you’re a freaky alien creature who doesnt age like a human so you’re physically like 46 and you still look like you’re 25?) so he inevitably decides he doesnt need the horrible pressure of fame and he ought to just live his life for himself. i think this would be a nice final song for him to sing/perform -- then he goes into the dressing room and cuts his hair and just vanishes. bye.

03. sunny afternoon - the kinks Help me, help me, help me sail away Well give me two good reasons why I oughta stay 'Cause I love to live so pleasantly Live this life of luxury Lazing on a sunny afternoon

1. i think this would sound A LITTLE like the kind of music he would write/play albeit i feel like his would be more exciting and have more samplings of like laser noises or pewpewpew or weird spaceship sounds BUT. its also pretty time period appropriate. even in “modern” verses ziggy is inexplicably obsessed with the 1970s, he likes bell bottoms and thinks groovy patterns are neat and he owns too many lava lamps. anywayz. 2. just the general idea of feeling unfulfilled with luxury -- even if ziggy enjoys his fame and wealth and the absolutely insane amount of pussy/dick he gets at some level he is still cognizantly aware of how weirdly empty he feels. he ditched atomina and came here because he felt unfulfilled and bored and unwanted. now he feels wanted (clearly, everyone loves him) and he feels entertained (earth is So Good at fun distractions) but his fulfillment still isnt quite there. he’s getting there -- but in exchange of being able to live this life of fame, he’s had to kind of change everything about himself and live this almost caricature version of himself, and he knows he cant keep it up forever. the luxury will run out one day and he’ll be a washup and no one cares about celebrities once they stop being hip. it is literally only a matter of time before ziggy has to find out who he is because no one can be a “rockstar” forever.

04. i hate jimmy page - mindless self indulgence SUCKAS CAN REACH OUT TOUCH ME EAT ME BITE DA FUTURE & FUCK DA PAST I'm lower than most animals and fear what might be weird and all those voices in my head have every right to be there i ain't a girl just cause i rock the boat i ain't a boy just cause i rock your world

i mean he does hate jimmy page but that’s beside the point. its just a good song about being a crazy rockstar and has the same Craziness that i feel like accompanies his character ... just go listen to it you will understand. there is nothing to explain here. even the lyric “ill show u how official midgets jack me off” like just accept it. it’s whatever but yeah i aint a girl i aint a boy ... i guess his gender (or lack thereof) never really comes up in rp but its still an important part of his character. if any of u guys ever call him a man in prose again ill kick ur ass. gender is like an accessory to him and he just takes whatever aspects of masculinity/femininity he prefers and discards everything else. to him he’s just as much a “man” or a “woman” as he is a “human” which is to say he isnt, at all, and he just pretends to be because he feels obligated to. also ziggy’s brain kind of sounds like this...just Noises. his brain sounds like a microwave that’s been going off for 26 years. i think his brain is a single uncooked pinto bean rolled in glitter that’s been left in a box with a cobweb

05. ghostride - crumb daydreaming I stay in the backseat / the slow beat rocks me back to sleep keeps me on automatic press my face up close against the glass i see the people when they pass they move so automatic you wake up when I go down / the radio reminds me I'm alive we've been hearing it all night

i care more about 683 on atomina than i do about ziggy on earth sometimes (BUT I CARE THEM BOTH. DO U?) so ... 683 feeling aimless and drifting but trying to find purpose through passion, a person, some sort of concrete meaning -- going through the motions of life makes him feel empty he spends almost every day going through the same toil while feeling guilty or like a burden and also feeling like he’s ultimately nothing more than a replaceable cog in a machine. his species had a near extinction = bottleneck which made them so genetically similar they’re almost clones of each other. no one ever seems to do anything wrong except him, he finds no joy or fulfillment in anything at all. all he ever wanted (which isnt a selfish desire at all) was to feel purpose, or feel wanted, or appreciated. inevitably he leaves because of his own imagination -- he yearns for something More, and he doesn’t know What, so he figured he ought to at least Try instead of waste his life away. also atomina is supposed to sound like “automatic.” do NOT make fun of my bad scifi. i am trying to mimic the way 1970s scifi is endearingly cheesy. come here. i just want to touch you with this knife. gently tho it wont go inside of you. bro you are bleeding. bro we are bleeding and i keep putting the knife in your soft parts.

#once again under the cut because i cant do memes without making them essays dawg!#i just have Things to say about zippy #also thank you so much for tagging me ... i know i take 200 years to do memes but i love them u_u #i did a meme like this earlier so i picked a new set of songs #KEEP YOUR 'LECTRIC EYE ON ME ; queue

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years ago

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Kingdom of Souls by Rena Barron

Summary: Magic has a price—if you’re willing to pay.

Born into a family of powerful witchdoctors, Arrah yearns for magic of her own. But each year she fails to call forth her ancestral powers, while her ambitious mother watches with growing disapproval.

There’s only one thing Arrah hasn’t tried, a deadly last resort: trading years of her own life for scraps of magic. Until the Kingdom’s children begin to disappear, and Arrah is desperate to find the culprit.

She uncovers something worse. The long-imprisoned Demon King is stirring. And if he rises, his hunger for souls will bring the world to its knees… unless Arrah pays the price for the magic to stop him. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐⭐️

Overall: Kingdom of Souls is full of worldbuilding and characters that draw you in, thought sometimes their actions want to make you rip you hair out. BUT! We really loved this book and are excited to see where this trilogy takes us! Oh also, we should mention there are a few trigger warnings that Rena Barron has listed on the goodreads.

Spoiler-full review below!

The Good:

→ The Worldbuilding

Geena: So, one of the best things about reading this book was the amazing worldbuilding, which she based off of West African mythology. The kingdoms are complex, and the separation of the different people and their faiths was super easy to follow too. I’ve read so many books where they have some wildass worldbuilding that leaves you scratching your head but this author did a good job at making it easy to understand. Also, Rena Barron did such a good job at describing the magic system? When she introduced the witch doctors in the first few chapters I could just visualize how they were and it was like watching a movie in my head. Like I’m still thinking about that one witchdoctor and her tribe that came down on clouds….. Poetic cinema…

Kae: OK, so! I really enjoyed reading the differences between the tribes and how they are distinguished from each other. Some people had their bodies covered in tattoos others were known for their tall and lean figure, light eyes, etc. it was very wonderfully written and I always knew who Rena was talking about when she was mentioning the characters or introducing new ones. Sometimes others don’t do a very good job of separating characters by looks and they expect the reader to remember everything based off of personality, which is quite annoying. Rena did a wonderful job of giving all of the characters their own individuality so we wouldn’t have to struggle and figure out who was who even if they weren’t mentioned by name. The way she wrote the big city (which I cannot remember the name), was very well done and you could easily see the differences between the city and the tribal lands. I also love the way she incorporated the religious ties to magic in this world and the origin story of how they got their magic. There was a war between the gods, and the God of gods gifted humans with his magic. There are even mentions of fallen angels technically. It was just really interesting altogether.

Geena: Yesss, the origin story was also one of the coolest components of the book. Also, Rena Barron does this cool thing of interspersing chapters throughout the book that are from the perspectives of different gods and their opinions on whatever is going on in the book. I really enjoyed that even though the first time I read it I was lowkey confused.

→ Arrah

Kae: Arrah!! My sweet summer, very cursed child. Arrah is the daughter of two of the most powerful witch doctors in this world. Her mother, Arti, comes from a tribe where she was known for being the next in line to be the chief and a high witch doctor. Her father, Oshhe; who is the son of the high priestess/witch doctor and his tribe, making him one of the highest as well. This lineage from which Arrah comes from, left many to have very high expectations for her and her magical abilities. Unfortunately for Arrah, no matter how many magical rituals she went through, was not blessed with magic. She often beats herself up about it because she feels she has let her family down, and truthfully the only person she let down was her mother. Her mother is The high priestess, and I mean THE HIGH PRIESTESS The entire kingdom. So she often waves her daughter off and is not home most of the time anyway because she is fulfilling her duties at the temple. So our main character is very close with her father who is honestly everyone’s dream dad. oshhe is the epitome of a perfect father.

Geena: Reading about her relationship with her dad, I was like “it’s just not realistic.”

Kae: LMAO BUT HONESTLY THO!! So when the children start to go missing in the city people begin to worry. Arrah’s Self-proclaimed a little brother ends up going missing as well. This leads her to sell small pieces of her life in order to use magic for a short period of time and figure out who is stealing the children.

Geena: LMAO Kae’s “sweet summer, cursed child” is so accurate. All she wants to do is become a powerful witchdoctor so her mom will love her :( Despite everyone around her saying that her magic (or lack of) doesn’t define her, Arrah lives in a constant state of anxiety where magic is on her mind. She isn’t the most perfect protagonist and I liked that about her, she made dumb decisions and recognized they were stupid… but did them anyways 💀 A big fucken mood… But then again a lot of what she does throughout the book is driven by her need to help others, like finding her self-proclaimed younger brother or selling more of her lifespan to find a way to free her father from her mother’s spell. Her personal relationships are a wreck too like this girl had a crush on Rudjek, the future royal vizier, it was very much a two way crush but the whole time Arrah was like “Idk does he :////” like u absolute dumbo… EVERY SIGN POINTED TO “YES” AND SHE WAS STILL LIKE “I’m imagining things.”

→ Arrah’s Squad

Geena: Barron also wrote Arrah an amazing group of friends. Primarily, Sukar and Essnai, both her friends from the city who would travel to the tribal lands to visit their own tribes for the yearly magic ritual. Sukar was very much a himbo (like almost every guy in this book lmao) and Essnai was a wlw QUEEN who was the oNLY ONE WITH A STEADY RELATIONSHIP THROUGHOUT THIS BOOK. Barron really said lesbian rights by giving Essnai the most wholesome relationship. Sukar and Essnai didn't turn their backs on Arrah even after her family was banished from the kingdom for crimes that Arrah had nothing to do with, and even accompanied her when it was revealed that Arrah would have to die to set the world to its original state. Also…. Omg when Sukar, Essnai, and Rudjek found out that she gave some of her lifespan for magic they were literally that meme:

Arrah: So I did a thing

Them: What?

Arrah: Sold my life for 3 hours of magic

Them:

Kae: LMAOOOOOOO BINCH

Geena: I JUST LOVED HOW THEY WERE LIKE “U DUMB BITHC!!!!! I GUESS NOW WE ALL GOTTA HELP U DEAL WITH THIS” I loved their friendship so much :’)

Kae: IT WAS REALISTIC AF. I’d also like to mention how everyone and her friend group was basically like “Did you and Rudjek finally kiss yet? No? Typical.” And they would tease Arrah and Rudjek CONSTANTLY. Arrah’s friends had her back through literally everything and were ready to die by her and Rudjek’s side. They were some real ride or die friends when it came down to it. THEY WERE WITH THE SHITS.

Arrah and Rudjek: *standing near each other*

The homies:

→ Arrah’s Dad

Kae: OK so we have Arrah’s father, Oshhe, who is honestly the kindest man that I have ever encountered. He is such a wonderful father to Arrah and does everything in his power to let her know that she is loved and that she does not need to possess magic in order to be loved. He is constantly showering her with the reassurance that she needs to have two accept who she is. Arrah is in love with the stories he tells her. He also allows her to hang out with Rudjek when they both know that Arti, Arrah’s mother, would forbid it. (Rudjeks father did some foul shit to Arti when they were young and she isn’t over it… which is understandable, considering he had her tortured.) sadly, Arti curses oshhe and he is under her spell. He tried to fight it, but his magic just isn’t as strong as hers. He is complicit in whatever Arti says while he is under her curse, but he is often sweating or staring off into the distance, because he is still trying to break free. He’s basically under my control, knows he’s under my control, but is stuck behind magical, mental bars watching everything go down well he can do nothing to stop it. It’s really fucked up.

Geena: Kae summed up Oshhe really well. We learn about how he met and married someone as unloving as Arti and it’s so sad. He’d always been in love with Arti from their time at the tribes, and he still loved her when she came to the kingdom and fell in love with the King. And he was the one there after Arti was freed from her torture, even though he knew that Arti would never love him back and that she wasn’t the same woman he’d fallen for. Also, when he tells Arrah something along the lines of that when she was born he knew she’d be the love of his life bc he loved his daughter so much it’s unREAL. He went to a dangerous forest and killed a mystical animal for her. And he would have killed the gods themselves if it had come to that. And like Kae mentioned he was under Arti’s mind control but was aware of the torture she was putting Arrah through, and when he finally gains back control at the VERY END… AND DIES RIGHT AFTER?????? BRO????? I WAS LIKE THE FUCK!!! HE DID NOT DESERVE THIS!!!!!

Kae: I WAS SILENTLY SCREAMING AT MY DESK

Geena: GIRL RIGHT… IDK BUT HER DAD JUST WARMED MY HEART. HE DIDN’T DESERVE HIS DEATH…

Kae: THAT SHIT HURTED.

The Bad:

→ Arrah NOT CATCHING A BREAK

Kae: So, I’m going to backtrack just a little bit. But when Arrah sells some of her so for magic, she does like this magic phantom walk and finds out that her mother is the child snatcher. Her mother discovers that Arrah knows this and curses her so she can never speak with ill intent against her mother. So whenever Arrah tries to get help or tell someone what’s going on she literally cannot talk. It’s pure agony for her. So her mother curses Oshhe, gets pregnant by a demon via possession of him, and is exiled from the country. So they take a boat and travel to this small town that is known for its unresting spirit activity. Time also doesn’t exist in this town so it’s very hard for her to keep track of minutes, days, months, etc. they get to like this hidden Temple where Arti gives birth to Efiya, the demon baby. Efiya grows rapidly. She is born, then she’s like 5 the next day, then she’s 10. Then she’s Arrah’s age, 16. Efiya is a SUPER powerful girl who has the power of actual Gods, and she is completely unstoppable. Arrah escapes, returns home to her friends, and they’re on a mission to try to stop Efiya. Rudjek dies, comes back, she and he ditch the homies because they don’t want the homies to get hurt. WELL!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotdamn EFIYA shape shifts to look like her sister, waits until Arrah leaves for a moment to collect herself after it gets a little HOT with Rudjek, and goes to take some herbs. OUR GIRL SAID I'M NOT GETTING PREGNANT. comes back and boom. She sees him having sex with her sister. She’s shooketh. And PISSED. And hurt. Then the homies find them, blah blah blah. And long story short, they find the temple of the Gods, she fights and Efiya and they basically kill each other. BUT Arrah comes back and learns her and Rudjek can’t be together. BUT THEY KISS ANYWAY. THEY WERE LIKE FUCK IT. I'M HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT A LONG TIME. Oh, yeah… and Efiya killed her parents. That happened. And her grandmother. And all the elder witch doctors because she wanted to steal their magic.

Geena: Poor girl was just knocked around like a ping-pong ball. One tragedy to another 🤕 First, she can’t do magic for SHIT and her mom doesn’t love her because of that. Second, the guy she likes is her mom’s nemesis’ son. Third, every single person she cares about is taken from her one way or the other, from her adoptive lil bro to her dad. Like I thought the book couldn’t get any worse when she saw her dad be possessed, but then Rudjek dies? And when he comes back to life he ends up sleeping with her evil sister thinking it was Arrah. Right, we gotta mention… in an attempt to free the demon king Arrah’s mom has a half-demon half-god baby, aka Arrah’s sister

Kae: SHE FUCKS A DEMON!!!!!

Geena: A DEMON IN HER HUSBAND’S BODY TOO… AND ARRAH WATCHES THIS HAPPEN IM SCREAM .. AT LEAST I THINK SHE DOES BC I HAD TO RE-READ THAT CHAPTER LIKE 2 TIMES

Kae: GIRL THAT SHIT WAS SO WILD WHAT THE F U C K

Geena: AND YEA…. TO TOP IT ALL OFF TURNS OUT ARRAH IS THE REINCARNATION OF THE DEMON KING’S SOULMATE…. SO THERE’S THAT, NOT TO MENTION SHE AND RUDJEK ARE ILL-FATED BC TOUCHING EACH OTHER SAPS ARRAH’S MAGIC (which she acquires permanently after some wild rituals her grandma does before dying at Efiya’s hands). THE LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG WITH ARRAH’S LIFE IS SO FUCKING LONG OH MY GOD I FORGOT HOW SHIT SHE HAD IT

The Ugly:

→ Arti and Efiya

Geena: The ugliest villains can be found in this book. We have Rudjek’s dad that had Arti tortured, which broke her mind and twisted her into an unloving and terrible person. Hearing Arti’s story pulled at your heartstrings, but did it justify her killing 12 underprivileged children to resurrect a demon with whom she’d have a baby with JUST so she could resurrect the demon king. In my opinion… no. Not even just that, but treating your own child like shit and basically ignoring she exists until the very end of the book where suddenly she feels regret for neglecting Arrah for 16 years. Overall, on a scale of 0-10 Arti is a -5 when it comes to the mom scale. Also, Arti is a powerful witchdoctor, and she cant feign ignorance because I’m pretty sure she would’ve seen the future at one point and seen everything that goes down. The only good thing she did do was kill the man that tortured her and countless other women. I feel like I’m too harsh on her given what she’s gone through, but she essentially puts Arrah through the wringer by cursing her and forcing her to watch her dad lose his own body. I’M LIKE I DONT WANT PPL TO BE LIKE ‘UR JUS BEIN A BITCH, ARTI SUFFERED TOO’ LIKE yes she did suffer, but rather than taking action against those that put her through hell she chose to ruin the lives of innocents ju kno.

Kae: YES!! Arti was on some bullshit and I get she got fucked up and the love of her life was against her. But like… don’t take that out on your daughter because you can’t use her to get back at your enemies. I think that’s exactly why she treated Arrah the way she did. Arti married Oshhe for his power in hopes to have a powerful child. When that didn’t happen, she was pissed and started planning for that damn demon baby. Her actions are all based on revenge and power and in the end, they kill everyone. Including Arrah, though she doesn’t stay dead for long. She literally is like “Nah, I got shit to do.” And the gods are like “Mmm ... we can’t let our sister be reincarnated into you again… soooo, no?” And Arrah is like “Too bad bitches!” And zooms back into her own body.

And then there’s Efiya. Efiya is described as beautiful and looks much like their mother. She starts off as a sweet little girl who just likes being around her big sister. But once she learns human things, like playing and being a child, she gets interested in that, and begins to abuse her powers.

Geena: I was kinda disappointed on how the Efiya storyline went because like Kae mentioned, she had started off as a sweet girl who loved Arrah. And I had thought Arrah would run away with Efiya and train her against Arti but bOY WAS I WRONG. Efiya is powerful and she knows it, she kills countless gods and absorbs their power, and when she kills Arrah’s grandma she tries to take her power too but for some reason it doesn’t take. Instead, Arrah ends up taking her grandma’s magic (along with every other powerful witch doctor). This annoyed the fuck out of Efiya, bc she’s supposed to more powerful than Arrah, prettier than Arrah, and just generally better at everything. So, Efiya is like ‘I can’t take your powers or see your future so I’ll fuck your man instead” …… very much 0-100. Near the end of the novel I still couldn’t tell, did Efiya really love Arti and Arrah? Because on the one hand it seemed like she hated the prospect of killing them, but on the other hand Efiya didn’t care about skewering Arti. She was a complex villain for sure, kinda in the same way Arti was.

Kae: OH. AND THE DEMON KING GAVE ARRAH SOME OF HER PAST LIFE MEMORIES BACK. So like, now a piece of Arrah feels torn because she loves everyone in her current life. But she was married to the Demon King in a past life and he is determined to have her love him again. And I feel like a very small piece of Arrah does. The Demon King wants her back so they can resurrect demons, kill the remaining Gods, and take over the world like they originally planned. SO. THERE’S THAT. A big whammy for ya there. But yeah. Shits crazy.

Geena: KJDNFDS RIGHT THE WHOLE ‘MARRIED TO THE DEMON KING IN A PAST LIFE’ SCHTICK…. THE POTENTIAL FOR ANGST???? GOD I CAN’T WAIT. This is a love triangle I CAN get behind because it’s gonna be MESSY

Kae: He also mentioned possibly trying to kill Rudjek.

Geena: Oh yea oh man.... Wait... there is a meme for this

Arrah seeing the Demon King and Rudjek throwing hands:

Conclusion

Kae: SO! In conclusion, we loved this book. The story was WILD from Start to finish. Rena is such an amazing storyteller and her descriptions that were vivid without being overdone. You know how some others like to go on for 10 pages about the smell of the wind and the bark of a tree. But Ren does it right! My favourite part of the book has to be Arrah and Rudjek . being so awkward around each other and dodging the fact that they’re both in love with each other. It was really cute because neither of them wanted to ruin their friendship and I think that was very realistic. The friendships are also beautifully written as well. And the way Rena differentiates the cultures of the tribes from one another is amazing and I felt like I was there.

Geena: I agree to everything Kae said above, Barron does an amazing job in (like what we mentioned before) worldbuilding shit. AND YEA my favourite part was like when Sukar purposely hangs around Arrah to make Rudjek jealous JUST BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUNNY TO ME. But honest to god I’m so excited to see how it’ll go from here because it’s supposed to be a trilogy right, so there is SO MUCH that can happen and there are SO MANY paths this can take.

#kingdom of souls #rena barron #book review #kos #bookly #wetalkinboutbooks #bookblr #booklr #bookish #book blogger #book blog #book blogging #bookstagram #books #reading #book shelf #our review

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messedupessy · 7 years ago

Note

Hii! Congrats on 500 followers!!!!

Hellu and thank you Bone daddy!! (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and oh movies, have to admit I don’t watch that much movies so I don’t know much about different one’s, or at least not popular one’s unless it’s a Disney movie or something, but I will do my best, will do more of an idea on what kind of movies they would like instead of specific ones, so here goes

Sans:

He does not care much of what he watches, as he usually falls asleep less than half way in, but he do like science fiction movies allot, movies with allot of technology and stuff about space, as he finds them really interesting as it's fun to try to think up if some of those machines and gadgets would be possible to make in real life, his mind running away with ideas but he usually doesn’t get much further than that, though mostly he just finds it interesting what people can come up with.

He at times pretends to fall asleep just to mess with his bro while they watch movies together, then just to suddenly joke or comment on something or toss some popcorn or something else on his bro, making Papyrus jump in surprise and then smack him on the arm because that was not funny brother now don’t interrupt him he’s trying to watch this movie, unlike you you lazybones making Sans chuckle as both of them return to the movie, Sans flipping one last piece of popcorn on Papyrus just because he can.

He also do like watching documentaries, doesn’t really matter what about, documentaries are pretty much the only thing he doesn’t fall asleep to, as he is one big nerd deep down and loves to learn, he also like comedy movies of course.

But anything goes though, he will either fall asleep or sit and toss random puns, jokes and various snacks through out the whole thing anyhow, though he is not that big of a fan of horror though, like he will watch it but he won’t really enjoy it, it’s just not his thing.

And for snacks, pretty much the same as for the movies anything goes, he will dip whatever it is in lots of ketchup though, wether if that is because he likes the taste or just for shits and giggles is anyone’s guess, he do prefer more saltier snacks though like chips and popcorn but won’t say no to something else.

Papyrus:

He absolutely loves watching movies, it’s a great way to bond and spend time with your friends and family, he is very picky with what he watches tho and usually prefers to watch movies he have already watched a dozen times before, he isn’t against watching new things he just have really high standards and just a preference to watch the same things over and over again, especially his MTT shows which he have recorded on a bunch of old VH’s.

He especially like movies when it’s about a hero/heroine/etc on a quest to save the world with their friends, when there is a great evil they need to defeat with a slice of romance, so fantasy movies are a big yes to him, anything with epic journeys in strange worlds where the main character needs to go through trials to grow as a person and find a way to save everyone, movies with knights and medieval things, magic and lot’s of drama and dramatic flair to everything!

Papyrus often gets pretty emotional when watching movies as he gets really into the story and the characters, he gets easily embarrassed and flustered when a character does something embarrassing, making him shout out at the screen while burying his face in a pillow, or if it’s really bad he will quickly excuse himself after asking the others to pause for a bit alongside a bad excuse and either jump out of the nearest window or rush out into another room to shout out his embarrassment, like no why did they do that no, just no WHY?! then he will calmly as if nothing happened return to his seat, saying they can turn it back on now.

Undyne has introduced him to anime and he absolutely loves it, especially love ghibli movies they are right up his alley, he have also ended up watching some old Disney and dreamworks movies which he also love to watch, he have ended up crying a bunch of times thanks to them which he insist he isn’t he just got something in his eye, as he sniffles loudly and cries harder, why couldn’t the fox and the hound stay friends for?! Sans giving him some pats on his shoulder with a there there, and then he makes a pun making Papyrus snort and then toss a pillow at him because brother no do not ruin this extremely sad and emotional moment of the movie with your puns!

He also of course likes watching movies where there are puzzles and you have to think and try to solve stuff, might not be movies but he do love gaming shows where you have to answer stuff and figure things out etc.

He like Sans is not big on horror movies, as they end up making him extremely jumpy for days afterwards and he just do not like them, at all, but he will insist on watching them if it is suggested, as there is no way the great Papyrus is scared!

And when it comes to snacks, he of course insist on having all different kinds while he watches movies for the ultimate movie watching experience, he usually forget to eat any of them though as he usually gets so engrossed in the movie he’s watching, he does not have that big of a sweet tooth tho so if he do eat anything it’s probably some chips or popcorn, though he do like his popcorn very buttery tho.

Red:

Really old and shitty horror movies is his jam, the worse they are the better he likes them, he doesn’t watch much movies but when he do he is all about the bad horror, or just horror in general, as he can’t stop himself from laughing really loudly at how stupid people are or how bad the plot and everything is, making anyone else who watches with him glare at him and wishing for him to shut the fuck up, and will tell him so if they know him well enough not to be scared shitless of him, Edge will smack him for him to shut up if he is there watching which he most likely is.

He will point out inaccuracies in how the various people are killed with a wide smirk, telling in way too much gory detail how to do it properly just to make people uncomfortable for shits and giggles, Edge if he is around will once again smack him because please just shut the fuck up no one wants to hear it god damn it.

Red also loves watching really dark comedy movies, something like “happy three friends” or something like it, just really dark, horrible, and extremely offensive comedies is something he loves to watch.

Though he isn’t that picky with what he watches, something he refuses to watch though is anything involving science, or at least when it’s allot of science going on at least, as he detest science so damn much thanks to his past, anything science brings up too many bad memories he does not want to remember, that he will immediately gets pissed and either he will immediately leave or insist that they change movies because otherwise he is fucking leaving, it has happened that he have destroyed the tv with a bone attack when something sciency has appeared on it, mostly without thinking like a damn reflex, he tries not to react like that after the last time when he got scolded af by Edge, they might be very well off nowadays but tvs are still very expensive!

If watching movies with Edge, which he most likely is, he will be sitting with his phone and randomly take photos of his bro through out the movie, as he always need more photos of his baby bro so he can show the world what a fantastic and cute brother he has, which will fluster Edge to no end because Brother stop it why are you like this why can’t you just watch the god damn movie in peace and stop been so weird?

Red just like Sans also at times falls asleep while watching movies, not as often as Sans does though, Red prefers to stay awake but at times pretends to fall asleep just to mess around, making extremely loud snore noises and when people least expect it shouts out a “BUH!” or something else when people least expects it scaring the shit out of them and him then ending up in a laughing fit at their reactions.

When it comes to snacks, anything goes he will sit there and pop his mouth full with various chips and candy at the same time chewing as loudly as possible just to piss people off, just been disgusting and getting shit all over himself, unless he is wearing his jacket, then he is not spilling anything at all, as he got the jacket from Edge so he treasures it hella lot and no way is he getting it ruined, Red do prefer to just sit and drink while watching movies tho, like he usually only eat stuff to gross people out because he’s a bit of an ass, there is obviously alcohol in what he drinks, like beers etc, he also ofc drinks mustard, he do like eating chips while drinking though.

Edge:

Edge does not watch movies often, mostly because he considers watching movies a waste of his time as he got much more important stuff he needs to do, like his never ending pile of paperwork, cleaning the house, training and checking up on his guardsmen, checking traps and do patrols etc, as Edge is one big workaholic, but when he do end up watching movies so is it because either Red or Cackles, aka UF Undyne, forces him to because he works way too much, he protests hella lot but eventually gives in as he knows he srs need to take a break even though he doesn’t want to, but just for an evening then he needs to be back or someone will mess his hard work up completely and he can’t allow that to happen.

And for what kind of movies he prefers to watch, so is he a sucker for romance movies, the cheesier and more dramatic the better, he would totally love those Spanish dramas allot, he loves romance movies because he is a super romantic at heart, is all about giving roses and fancy dinner dates etc, which he will vehemently deny that he is and that he likes those kind of movies if asked, unless he truly trusts you then he can hesitantly admit it that he do with a blush, so what if he likes romance movies?! just because he is the feared and famous captain of the royal guard doesn’t mean he can’t like romance movies! though please keep that knowledge on the down low he got a reputation to uphold after all!

He similar to Papyrus gets really into the movies he watches, at least when it comes to romance ones otherwise he doesn’t get as invested, but with romance movies though he either gets so into the movie that he argues with the things that happens, telling the characters to not do that, that is not what happened you got it all wrong, you shouldn’t take him back Linda what are you doing you fool you’re supposed to get together with Mark! or he will sit there completely quiet, not allowing anyone to talk or else he will schreech at them to shut up or else they will wish they had never talked in the first place! he also like Papyrus does not handle very embarrassing parts in movies that well either, lot’s of schreeching into a pillow or have to leave the room for a bit because no just no why did they do such a stupid thing while been extremely embarrassed himself.

Edge is very opinionated when he watches movies, no matter what movie or how invested in the movie he is, he will have opinions on it no matter what, he will immediately point out things he do not agree with or how if the characters in it had done this instead of what they had done like a pair of utter idiots things would had turned out so much better, he will try to stay quiet if someone asks him to, but he will still let out sarcastic af comments under his breath, and don’t get him started on plot holes! he do not like it when something makes absolutely no sense, like don’t let him watch a movie like “The Room” he will snap and go into a rant, schreeching how awful and just horrible the whole thing is while Red laughs his non existent guts out in the background.

Romantic tragedies are the ultimate guilty pleasure for him, like they don’t even have to be good ones, he will end up crying and clutching a pillow anyway, denying that he is crying if pointed out with a barely held back sniffle, this place is clearly dusty as he have gotten some dust in his eye he will have to clean later to make sure it doesn’t happen again shut up! Red will tease him when he cries which will piss Edge off because you are ruining the moment Red shut your damn mouth and let him enjoy the movie in peace! and stop taking photos of me you’re not allowed to take photos of me when I am crying I have told you so many times!

Something Edge does not enjoy watching is comedies, not even romantic comedies, as he finds the comedy and humour in them to be pretty tasteless, like there is no class in the humour it’s not executed well and the jokes are not funny, though if watching them he will end up letting out a snort at the worst jokes of them all which he immediately denies, claiming it was just so bad he had to laugh at it when he in fact found it kinda funny. he also isn’t that big of a fan of horror movies, mostly because they also are bad and tasteless, and that he already has to see such horrors time to time in real life why would he want to see more of it? and also they are doing stuff completely wrong most of the time too, but he will watch them if Red really wants to, he isn’t a fan of animated or cartoonish movies either, mostly as he considers them to be for children, Cackles is trying to get him to watch some anime with her and he is slowly caving in to at least try it out, and when he do he will end up absolutely loving it.

For snacks, so is he not really into snacking while watching, or snacking at all, as he just does not like candy or stuff like that that much, he prefers like some carrots or something with some dip if he now snacks, as he is a bit of a health nut and has a diet he follows religiously so to stay healthy, Red thinks Edge needs to get that stick out of his ass and live a little, relax it’s just some snacks for a night baby bro just give in already, Edge will of course resist any sort of attempt on his brothers part because no way is he going to eat such unhealthy things unless forced to in a social setting, though he do have a weakness for this one candy, it’s like a chocolate ball kind of candy which he really likes but tries hard not to eat as they are filled with sugar and stuff.

#undertale #underfell #sans #papyrus #MessedUpEssy #underfell papyrus #underfell sans #undertale sans #undertale papyrus #undertale headcanons #Essy's Undertale Headcanons #undertale headcanon #dang this turned out hella long #should I put it under a read more?#nah can't be bothered #still this took awhile to write #and I am pretty happy with it #really had to think what kind of things they would like which was fun #I had a part which I liked on sans but which I removed as it was a bit out of character #that he was going to dislike when the science was wrong in movies #and end up in arguments and debates with ppl watching it who also are very sciency #also for him to toss popcorn and boohing etc #but like I said it felt way too out of character even though I find it funny #edge is precious and I srs love him #the workaholic boy that he is #he srs need a damn vacation #sorry that these are taking so long #btw if any of you wonders about anything that I have written etc then feel free to send an ask in #now just 12 more to go I think #yay

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whotookcheesuschrist · 7 years ago

Text

Some excerpts from the playthrough

I was pretty close to getting chills from that intro. That is the most atmospheric video game intro I’ve experienced thus far. All the way from the menu to the actual game. Fucking damn. (Apart from maybe Dragon Age Inquisition.)

Made it through the first part on the first try. Saved. It didn’t save as far as I thought it would and I had to do it again, failing four times. :-(

“Behold, my amazingly rendered abs. And flat-ass face.”

You can tell this is game was a first attempt in many things; such as delivering awkward, awkward lines.

There is a mission briefing mimicking VHS tapes and I fucking love it.

Whuh... COLONEL DID YOU KILL HIS DOGS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So... that was intensly antagonistic of a character who have up to this point been delivering barely any support apart from diet-coke Sun Tzu.

Speaking of Sun-Tzu...

As of writing I’ve finished MGS2, and there’s a certain related part of that that I will get into on a later date, but this one, more than what’s to come, reminds me of that police interrogation in The Venture Bros.

YOUU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

In the most threatening way possible, say the words: Follow the mice.

These controls are hUaORRIBLe

In one way, yes, it adds to the difficulty without being forced, but good fucking god, trying to figure out which direction I’m supposed to push the stick while pressing up against a wall is a nightmare. And having to stand still while shooting and not being able to move while aiming at all is... not very user-friendly design. Thank God for auto-aim

In a similar vein, a third-person shooter with the camera angle being from what we Norwegians call bird perspective is a bit of a challenge

The game play is still pretty dope though

Bee tee dubbs, the ex-Fox unit is hereby dubbed the Suicide Squad

(I would totally play a super-hero video game with that kind of lay-out of the villains and the hero. I think this could actually transfer to comics as well, the way the villains are set-up, introduced and used.)

First meeting with Metrosexual Noodle Eastern.

"I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber." — Revolver Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid.

I bet you do, Ozzie

This game is not complete without a ninja.

There’s a masturbation joke lying in there somewhere.

So far this game has been surprisingly Not Gay. Except from Snake’s sick abs, but then comes Otacon and fucks my shit up on so many levels.

Johny’s grand introduction: Face down, ass up

Meryl... I really like Meryl, but she is so obviously one of the “not like other girls”, tomboy-ish archetype that isn’t really all that useful. It’s pretty sad, because we see her kick ass. We know she can, so it’s a little sad that she isn’t properly utilized.

Poor Otacon.

The ninja was depressingly easy to best. I know the TWEETHT!! that comes later with this guy, but man, you’d think it’d be more of a fight.

OH. MY GOD. Let me count down how many ways Otacon’s introduction is gay.

After being saved from death by katana, Otacon stares at Snake downward-up. When the camera stops, we get a damn good shot, yet again, of Snake’s Sick Abs.

“You’re uniform is not like the others...”

The disappointment in Otacon’s voice upon learning that he was not the goal.

The symbolism of Otacon literally coming out of the closet.

Snake sitting with legs crossed like a fucking femme fatale as he and Otacon catch up to speed

Snake inspecting Otacon, crotch on up

Snake walking up to Otacon until he’s one foot away, laying his hand on his shoulder and asking “you okay?” in an uncharacteristic, caring voice: and Otacon being weirede out by it, commenting: “What’s wrong, getting all friendly all of a sudden...”, to which Snake just awkwardly backs away and says “uh nothing, just... glad you’re okay”

Forget Meryl, Hal’s your love interest and we all know it.

“I’ve been therapied into not having an interest in men and no one can break the spell at all none at all nuh-uh...” And of course Snake is going to prove them wrong. Eww. Call it a product of its time, but still, gross.

Bee-tee-dubbs, Otacon and Snake discussing Meryl’s low-pixelated ass strikes me as hilariously “no homo”. I’m pretty sure, given how Hideo is on the subject in later games, that all of it is intentional. Subtext included.

Psycho Mantis, stop dissing my game stats

Poor dude. Seriously, that is a sad and solid backstory for a character

“Riussiain lieady rieportyingk in on wieapions” I like her tho

Man, this game... In all of the silliness it is STILL on-point with its social commentary. Nastasha’s talks about the START programs, nuclear disarmament, the money involved, the ultimate plan of the Foxhound members, nuclear programs made for short-range launches... All of these are things that I’ve seen in the news this week, and what goes on in the game takes place in the year 2005. Not to mention us becoming more and more desensitized to violence and warfare. It is frightening to behold. I wish I had it in me to talk about all of this at length, because there is really a well of subject matters to discuss here.

Once again I experience a video game trying to impose on me that, in the story, something is urgent, but in reality, I have hours of backtracking if I want to.

I... kinda like the voice they gave Sniper Wolf. And that she’s Kurd; it is nice to see that Hideo remembers a little history. And it brings a little variation in a very formulaic artistic industry.

There is nothing so jarring as video game characters talking specifically about the controls on your PS controller. Abs are still sick. I like the little touch that this death will be different from the others, and set you somewhat back in progress. Not enough for it to make an impact, but I appreciate the effort; the game is present even on its own metalevel

Otacon, you sap. Oh and thank you for massaging my arm, Naomi

If Johnny were ever to be in a Rambo-parody the first movie would be called Johnny - First Brown

My old enemy... Stairs...

OTACON DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SUBTEXT MEANS

My tactic for handling this: laying down land mines whenever possible and run like a pussy.

Sniper’s demise, the entire scene for all parties involved, is pretty heartfelt still you two should kiss

I have literally played Die Hard.

HUHHHH! THE PLOT THICKENS! WE’VE BEEN BETRAYED!

Vulcan Raven has no sense of humor. I am big man McLargebeef. Fear me.

One of the greatest things about this game is the boss fights. All of them are different and interesting, fun to play. Same goes for the rest of the game: nothing ever gets to the point of being samey.

I mentioned atmosphere earlier, and oh how I do love this for keeping it throughout. This feels like a beautiful tribute to the 80′s action movies, in tone and spirit as well. This is what the 80′s style tribute that we’ve seen lately really ought to be: specs of hilarity and ridiculoussness mixed with complete sincerity and genuine, dark depth, without getting to caught up in aesthetic.

Metal Gear Chicken.

How can anyone survive working on that thing.

I wonder what Ocelot really thought of Liquid.

GAAASP! MILLER IS BRITISH! OH NO!

Liquid is just an asshole, but if that was his upbringing I feel a little bad for him. No wonder he hyper-compensates.

Snake takes these news surprisingly well

Snake being made into a weapon, robbed of information that he really needs: this game makes his feelings and responses, however douchy, feels quite earned

I am fighting a giant mecha and this is STILL a stealth game.

Okay that... that surprise from Gray Fox actually was a surprise. And what the fuck is he MADE of.

So Richard Dawkins is to blame...

OF COURSE-

SHIRTLESS BATTLE! OVER A WOMAN!

“MACGYVEEEEEEEEEER!”

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

Liquid’s death is surprisingly evocative for me. I really do feel like Liquid’s plan is more important to him than anything, because he that desperately needs to prove himself in the light of his “father”.

...

. . .

WILL YOU SHUT UP

BTW I made it through without sacrificing Meryl. I’ve learned what happens in the other ending, and it is pretty dumb how that one leads so much better into the next game than the other. And while on the subject

Woah, yet another twist. Although knowing what I do about Ocelot now it is hardly that surprising. The impact of this is still satisfying and intriguing, because there are things in the game that for someone who isn’t already completely familiar with them seems a bit weird. The reveals here makes some things falll into place, and I am surprised that the game actually did specifically build up to a sequel

It strikes me that I haven’t talked once about the performances. While there are a lot of them that don’t go all in, you gotta give David Hayter props for this, as well as several of the others. This must’ve been so very strange to work on for all of them: not quite a translation from a japanese work, not quite American either, giving this exposition-heavy dialogue a unique life of its own

And the game naming Snake after him is a very cute touch, one that I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t thought of before. And no one could give Snake the layers of believable capability and apparent ineptitude better than he. IQ of 180 my ass.

GOD that ending dragged on.

#Cheesus games #Metal Gear Solid

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roadtripsinspace-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Do we need "Love, Simon?" TIME says, "nah, bro."

I was reading the TIME article that attracted all this controversy over Love, Simon and I'm not gonna lie, some solid points were made. I agree in that there look to be some tropes and cliches, and that the trailer feels it will be a more juvenile film compared to, say, the pedophilic wonder Call Me By Your Name (I joke...sorta) -- but I don't think we can really compare the receptions from both films (CMBYN winning an Oscar and LS getting this [insert adjective that sounds nicer than "shitty" here bc I'm trying to be civil...] Time article) because, as Time itself points out, the two movies were made for different audiences in mind. And isn't that the whole point?

This was the headline^ I'm not saying YA movies/shows, etc., have to be unintelligently written. Many are intriguing, layered and that's why so many rent-paying adults are still toting Harry Potter scarves and arguing about which House is better (Ravenclaw btw, fight me) -- because YA material can engage all ages. But yes, a lot of YA can also be straightforward (hah there's a pun lurking there somewhere) and one-dimensional, it happens. But if Time's point was that the movie didn't do its subject matter justice due to the fact it was a "flat rom-com," that's kind of very much bullshit since it never pretended to be some sort of genius plot to begin with. Like if the movie sucks (which imo it doesn't look horrible but I can see where the tropey tropes might come in) then that's too bad, but how does that have anything to do with whether or not it tried to carry a message that people can still take something away from? I mean when did bringing the LGBTQ+ genre to the big screens suddenly mean one had to produce amazing work in order to justify a gay character being the lead? If the plot was bad bc it did not try to send this message, then yes something would be wrong here but clearly that's not what's happening. The message is clear. Everyone deserves love. Two seconds into the trailer and bam. I already know. You don't gotta be a Ravenclaw to see the message (still best House tho, not backing down). It might not be done cleverly, idk, but the movie's not muddling that message in general no matter how trope-tastic it is. People who thought Twilight was dumb didn't conclude that oh, hey, since this ex-Cedric-Diggory fellow was one-dimensional and the romance was unconvincing, that must mean the efforts to portray straight people finding love on screen for all to see is "unneeded."

In fact, I'd actually be sort of glad if Love, Simon ended up being a "flat rom-com." Hooray! The LGBTQ+ community should be able to have the luxury of making both generic entertainment AND more, idk, Oscary Oscar entertainment (the voting process for that makes it a debateable standard anyway). That would be a hallmark moment: Gay characters can star in shitty movies too, folks. Just like straight leads. How does that put down the LGBTQ+ movement in any way? Why do all works that have homosexuality as a topic HAVE to be "good" in order to be something that exists? Can't the producer/director/cast just try their best to be passionate about what they make and hopefully entertain some people along the way?

But what IRKED me the most was this quote from the article:

"But those kids who were met with support when they came out are probably too sophisticated for Love, Simon–so much so that its vision of how good it feels for a masculine, traditionally attractive bro to receive encouragement might not resonate at all."

Firstly, 'bro'? Art thy not Time? What's with this colloquial language? Did I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr rant such as my own? For fuck's sake?

Secondly, I get the criticism of Simon potentially being like a stereotypical white dude, but idk if I'd agree that it's this huge horrible thing. I'm not white but I don't feel offended? It doesn't seem like a racist move, in my opinion anyway, I mean whatever someone's ethnicity is they would have a story to tell in this situation and that's what the movie is about. Everyone equal and deserving love.

Thirdly, how does a KID being met with support when coming out mean they are suddenly too mature to handle a movie that represents something that happened to them? Oh shit maybe THAT is why I like Harry Potter! Because I haven't been told "yer a wizard!" It makes so much sense now, only things that I haven't had to handle should grace my TV screens -- so fuck off, all movies starring straight people! If I've seen one man kiss a woman, I've seen em all! Can't learn anything new I guess!

So basically what TIME is saying is that because Simon wasn't oppressed but instead had a healthy, positive coming out experience, the movie was unnecessary. Uh, what? BY THE WAY, Time also argues that the movie isn't relateable because in the parts of Simon's life that ARE indeed making it hard for him to come out, it seems like he's facing an outdated problem. So make up your mind please, Time. Is the movie a waste because it is too kind on Simon or too harsh? Oh, what's that you say? Matters are actually complicated and struggles are not able to be easily dismissed as "over now"? There we go...

Anyway -- not all coming out experiences are the same or laced with tragedy, so why does Simon have to be SAD and DOWN in a movie like this? You sadistic Time writer you? I get it, okay, Time wants to be MOVED, they paid good money on their box of tissues but again, Time already agreed that this is a YA movie. If it wants to be simple, why is that bad? And isn't it good, to not only let others who had a similar coming out experience know that they are just as legitimately a part of the LGBTQ+ community even if they had a calm coming out experience, but also to show audience members an example of how to positively and encouragingly converse with someone who is trying to tell you they are gay and/or any other kinds of things they would want to share with loved ones? Would Time rather ask the YA demographic to watch something gruesome and dark like a beating or some shit? Are the people at Time also those people who are so uptight about violent video games influencing their children yet somehow believe portraying how NOT to handle someone coming out is a good idea, and the only way to give meaning to a story about a gay male lead?

I just don't understand why the article had to make Love, Simon seem like it was this waste of an idea/hard work/money/excitement simply because it happened to be exactly what it said it would be, a YA movie. I don't understand why Time made it sound like the only way hype about a gay male lead would be allowed is if Interstellar happened again but like instead of Matthew McConnaughey trying to find his way back home to save his daughter, spewing copious amounts of philosophy and space jargon as he did so, he was now trying to reunite with his gay lover or some shit. (Actually, now that I say it aloud, I really need to watch that. Please someone make it happen. We can start a petition or something. Matt is a generous guy, I feel it in my soul.) And yeah I'd probably enjoy that movie more than Love, Simon because looking at the trailer, if I may take a moment to pre-judge the movie, it does so far seem to have the setup of a cheesy rom com for young teens. So? That doesn't mean it's some kind of setback for the LGBTQ+ movement. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

Also this has nothing to do with the rant but I thought it was pretty cool:

(found on instagram)

#love simon #love simon movie #time magazine #harry potter #ravenclaw #twilight #the hunger games #sorry for the rant #but like #lgbtq love

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cheerisuu · 6 years ago

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Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

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my-time-and-place-blog · 8 years ago

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My Vidcon EU 2017 experience

In August last year, I discovered that Vidcon EU would be organized in Amsterdam. When the early bird ticket sale started I didn’t hesitate for a moment and I bought myself a community ticket. I also participated in the Meet & Greet Lottery and I was assigned to meet Dodie Clark, Oli White and Niomi Smart!! I was very happy with that since Dodie and Oli were my first and second choice, respectively.

DAY 1

On Saturday April 8th I decided to leave the house extra early at, since I had my Meet & Greet with Oli White at 9.30am and I had to pick up my M&G wristbands. I wanted to take the bus at 7.15am, but I totally forgot the bus schedule is different at the weekends (sigh). My sweet mum brought me to the nearest bus station, from where the bus to Amsterdam departed.

When I arrived at the venue RAI Amsterdam conventions centre around 8.30am, I could immediately wait in line for the M&G wristbands since I picked up my community badge the day before. I waited about an hour and a half in line before it was my turn and I was a tiny bit afraid that I wasn’t on time to queue for Oli’s M&G, but I was! By the time it was my turn I was nervous, but I felt calmer than I thought I would be. Oli is so nice! We took a professional photo and I gave him my present and the card. We ended with a hug. That were my 30 seconds of meeting him. It felt so strange to meet someone you’ve been watching for years. As a fan I have the feeling that I know him very well and he knows nothing about me, when I’m thinking about it. I’m just a face in the crowd for them. But anyway, that didn’t make the experience any less great.

After the M&G I went to some panels. I saw the last bits of The Power of Community with Tyler Oakley, John Green and Kati Morton. After that, I went to a panel participating Ricky Dillon, Mamrie Hart and Michael Aranda about ‘Being your true voice’ moderated by Michael Gardner. Hearing these people talk about their experiences of finding their ‘true voice’ in this profession inspire me to find my own ‘true voice’ and let me think about who I am and what I want to pursue in life.

There were a lot of stands and interactive things you could do during the day between panels. There was a Musical.ly stage, where different people performed, who are famous on Musical.ly I guess?? Furthermore, there were different booths from different sponsors and movies and bouncy castles. At one of the booths I met Evan Edinger and I took a picture with him and he signed my badge. He was very nice!

I went to the Q&A of Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla aka SMOSH. Even though I didn’t know them, I got a very good sense of how they are and what kind of content they make. They were fun to watch. I queued for Dodie’s M&G immediately after the Q&A. There were a loooot of people in the queue. I didn’t think it would be so long, but it didn’t matter, because I was going to meet my favourite youtuber/artist. When it was my turn, I gave Dodie a hug and I gave her my presents. We talked about the card I gave her and how that reminded me of her. She signed my badge and I almost wanted to go, when she said: We didn’t take a photo, did we? At that moment I could facepalm myself so hard. We took a very cute picture together. I mean how can it not be cute with her in it?

Meeting Oli and Dodie made me realise that they are just people just like I am. They are just normal, very hardworking people that accomplished more in 21 years then I did. But somehow they show me that it is possible to follow your dreams, if you are willing to work hard. Another creator I’m really impressed by is Tyler Oakley. I went to see his Q&A. He is such a loving, caring and funny person. He seemed to enjoy every question he got and I really admire him for his active role in the LGBTQ+ community.

The last thing of the day was the Saturday Night Featured Creator Show. Most of the seats (900+!!) were filled and all the people were enjoying themselves during all the performances. Kati Morton and Scola Dondo gave a very inspirational speech about mental health and that it is okay to talk about it in some way, about being ‘luscious’, being yourself. Dean and Jack showed a preview of their new season of Jack and Dean Of All Trades, which was very funny. Savannah Brown performed one of her poems and I was very impressed by that. I felt every word she said. Sarah Close performed some songs of her new Caught Up EP.

Two performances that evening were very special to me. One of them was Carrie Hope Fletcher performing ‘Pulled’ from the musical the Addams Family, in which she plays Wednesday Addams. Woow! She can siiiing! She is such an inspiration to me. She literally lives her dream and that on its own drives me to follow my dreams. (I don’t mind that this all sound very cheesy haha) The other performance that really got stuck with me was the last of the evening by MatPat. He opened up about his fear of flying. Long story short, years ago he was in England for an audition for a West end production and his actual flight home to the US, which he missed, was the target of an terrorist attack. The moral of his story was that even though he is still very scared, he didn’t let it define his life. That day he fulfilled a wish of a little boy organised by the Make-A-Wish foundation. That was all such a beautiful speech, I cried. That was the end of a very successful day 1 of Vidcon EU!

DAY 2

Day 2, Sunday 9th of April, started ironically the same as the day before. The bus I wanted to take wasn’t leaving at the time I wanted to leave. Now my lovely dad brought me to the nearest bus station. Today I would have the M&G with Niomi Smart, but due to a sad event that happened that morning I didn’t feel like queueing, so I left that out. I went to some very good panels instead and I don’t have any regrets for that since the atmosphere was so care free and easy-going. That really helped me not being sad or even thinking about the event.

I started the morning with coffee and the panels A Conversation About Mental Health and There Is A Troll in the Dungeon both moderated by Kati Morton. I didn’t know most of the attendees on the panels, but that was a way for me to get to know new youtubers really. The things I have learned of these panels are: it is good to talk about mental health and if there is no connection between you and your therapist, find another one that you’re comfortable with. Another thing is dealing with trolls. These people are probably just projecting their problems on you, so don’t take their criticism/offenses (too) seriously.

After these quite serious topics I went to the Holy Trinity Q&A. The Holy Trinity, for who doesn’t know who they are, are Grace Helbig, Mamrie Hart and Hannah Hart. They are seriously so funny together and they certainly brightened up my mood.

One highlight of the day was the LGBTQ+ in Online Video panel. I think a lot teens and tweens have been in a situation where they question their sexuality and so do I. It is very important to keep talking about the LBGTQ+ community and as important to educate ourselves about sexuality and the whole spectrum. I want to salute the internet and especially platforms like Youtube (please, fix restricted mode tho…) and Tumblr for bringing up the subject and education. One other thing that happened during the panel that moved me, was a question of a boy in the audience. The boy had got a rainbow flag around his shoulders. He told that he lived in a town that was very religious and the community wasn’t very accepting to LGBTQ+ people, so were his parents. He asked how he could out himself to his parents in this situation. I think he was very brave to ask this question. He got good answers like if you tell them, have a place you can go to after or if the situation escalates. He started crying and I could tell that it was a very big deal to him. I really wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. That question broke my heart to be honest. And therefore, I absolutely love the fact that he can be totally himself at events like Vidcon. Although, he should be able to be himself anywhere at any time in my opinion.

I also went to a panel about Race & Representation in Online Video, mainly because I wanted to know what I could do as a white female. This panel thought me that starting the conversation or keeping the conversation going about race is a great help to the people who deal with racism or other negativity with respect to race. After that I went to the Rhett & Link Q&A, which I didn’t enjoy that much. I think it was mainly because I didn’t know who they were and I knew nothing about their content.

The Sunday Night Featured Creator Show was an amazing way to end the Vidcon weekend. The highlights of the show were Dodie and Jon Cozart singing their songs. The Fine Bros showed us their newest video before it was released. The Holy Trinity did a funny quiz about their trip in Amsterdam. There was some food tasting on stage and some live gaming on stage. John and Hank Green closed the show with a little speech about Vidcon and how their experiences were of the first Vidcon EU in Amsterdam! I dare to say that this was one of the best weekends I have had in a while!

#aboutme #mine #vidconEU #2017 #amsterdam #my experience #youtube #dodie clark #jon cozart #oli white #carrie hope fletcher #tyler oakley #evan edinger #john green #hank green #grace helbig #mamrie hart #hannah hart #many more

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thelonewolfforeternity · 6 years ago

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Catholic Mismatch

Two years into my loner lifestyle and somehow I was getting a little lonely of being single at one point. And there’s that old saying “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Now, I didn’t really want to be born in the millennial age. I’ve always admired those who came before because they have to work to get their way up. Most of the big companies of today are the result of the old men on top. Were they millennials? Nope! They were hard working men. Millennials are just spoiled pieces of shits. And just because they live in the digital age, where things are instant (which were the results of the hard work of those who came before), they assume that things in life also comes in an instant. Instant money, instant luxury. Let’s face it, some were lucky enough to be living so. Some were born with golden spoon on their mouth, some have to work their way up. And because I’m straying from my topic at hand (meh, who cares, this is my rant wall anyways) I’ll start with the next unfortunate event. Now what led me to the rants and non-sense complaints about millennials is because I’ve tried their way of life ……. and it sucks. One of the most interesting inventions of this age is instant dating or as people call it Online dating sites. The idea of these dating sites is like this: First, you need to download the application through your smart phone. You sign up with your details and your photo, you tell something about yourself and then you will enter into a pool. Through the power of the internet, the site will suggest profiles according to your preferences. Swipe right if you like the profile and swipe left if you’d like to pass. (did I really had to explain this shit at all?? Oh well…. \_(-_-)_/ ).

And because I believe I was a practicing Catholic, I chose a dating site that has “Catholic” in it. Yep, you guessed it right: Catholic Match. With just a few days, I met with someone on CM, and because I’d spoil the life lesson in this unfortunate event, I’d skip a few matters here and I will add them in the latter part of this blog. So her name is Jessica. She’s a graduate from a State University which would mean that she’s a brainer, she’s pretty (I think), she’s a practicing Catholic, infact a choir member at that, she works as a Nutritionist-Dietitian (yikes!). If I have a check list, I’ll be checking quite a lot for my ideal girl. Funny thing tho was I also chatted with her….wait for it……. twin sister!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING HILARIOUS. She had a twin and I almost fuckin hit on them both. Terrible luck bro.

The first time we met was in a Japanese Restaurant and we had a bowl of Ramen. It’s was strange because it was the same place of my last date with my ex (no not the one in Ermita I’ve never took her there, this was in Rob Manila) (too distasteful to even mention her name). And so we did with the introductions, she’s one of those NBSB or No Boyfriend Since Birth. And my then buddy Feb , was giving me the “okay go bro.” and was explaining how NBSBs are better than those who had relationships before. It was because NBSBs had no “comparison point” because they never had intimate relationship. We talked about a lot of things, like my recent ex, how come she’s still single and the whole what are you looking for thing.

One thing I learned about this episode is you can always pretend to be someone you’re not and be real good at it and in the end, it doesn’t really work. And by the time I realized, it was too late. Well, I already gave you the foreshadow (that and like I said, there’s no happy in any episode ending here).

After that we texted, like, a lot. Every morning I would think of something witty to say or something romantic to make her smile. I never did this shit before to anyone (and I fucking hate it btw because eww cringe) but I stayed to my character. I was playing a wholesome, religious, caring, and sweet suitor. We would go to movies with her sisters (with the twin, for the love of all good, life must really hate me). So I tried to impress them with my “film knowledge” in cinematography, foreshadowing, juxtapositioning and all that shit. But what I noticed is her twin was a tough audience, highly sarcastic and felt like she wanted to bury me (not literally, or maybe a little). We went on a few more dates and it lasted like 1 or 2 months. I would go to Mass where she would sing for the choir. She was part of this youth group called “Singles for Christ”. I didn’t really know what was in there until I eventually did a little research. So from what I learned, they are the “Catholic” Charismatic Christians. Yes, with all those worship songs that sound like it was written by Justin Bieber. Fun fact: I detest that kind of worship because true worship came from the soul, not emotions. Even then I still courted here, even made a Audio Video Presentation for her Charismatic group, I began with controlling my diet and coffee and even started working out (which was the last thing I would do). And so, like I said, I pretended even though I saw the signs. Her face? Not my type. Personality? Not my type. Voice? Not my type. Her way of expressing faith. NOT MY TYPE. So if I would say it in simpler terms, I was forcing my preference.

I still went on with her, ate with her in restaurants I never knew, watched films that we thought was good. I brought her fruits when she got sick. I brought her all I could find. I drew edgy caricatures and wrote cringy romantic bullshits which I hope that she would burn to crisps by now. Both her parents are Civil Engineers, so it’s a high hurdle to be honest. But I didn’t care because I affixed my mind that I’m it. I can be her boyfriend. I talked to her about the existentialism crap that was always in my head, and I bet she never understood shit at all. Still, I stood on my ground.

Until one night, after all the charade that we’ve done, I invited her to a shawarma Joint, near her workplace. And after we ate, she was silent but I never really noticed. Infact, to be completely honest, I realized that I wasn’t seeing her as who she was but her as my make shift idea of my preferences. The whole point, I just believed I liked her even though I didn’t. Still, that night after the dinner, her eyes became teary and she began with “I’m sorry”. From then I knew what was up. She was was about to dump me. So I braced myself, I listened to her and asked her the reason why. I asked but I knew the answer. She couldn’t give me a response except “I don’t know, I just feel like it just isn’t it”. Like I said, I knew because I felt the same. Only for me, it was clearer. She had her ideals and she stuck with it. I knew by the way she talked, the way she acted, the way she expressed. I wasn’t going to be it. I even knew she was expecting someone better looking and had better job than me. Because she came from a university and somehow I feel like she knew I was pretending.

After that, I walked her home and that was it. Oh, and she asked the “can we still be friends?” and obviously, I hate that bullshit so I had to say “No”. After that I messaged Feb “Dumped bro.”, but at that time she had a boyfriend already which I wrote in my previous blog “Double B” so she wasn’t there when I needed a friend (boyfriend before bros. man, you knew that).

After I got home, my older brother was there with my older sister’s boyfriend. They were watching TV when I came inside and I sat with them. My brother asked me what was up. I just smiled so they thought there was nothing new. Then before I realized, my eyes were already tearing up. So I know you’d say: “Wait, I thought you said you really didn’t like her that much?”. Yep, you’re right. Then why was I crying, you may ask? I felt inadequate. I felt worthless. I felt unlovable. I felt like I was too hideous to love. My brother sits beside me, hugs me and pats my head. I said with my broken voice “I was rejected again…. Will I ever be enough for anyone?” Emotions were overflowing in me. But my brother just held me as the I sobbed silently. And after I calmed a little bit, my brother continued with these words : “Time will come, and you will meet someone who will be able to accept you for who you are, and if that day never comes, we are here. We are your family, we love you for who you are and who you wish to become.”

That night, I went on a beer session with my brother and my sister’s boyfriend. I thought to myself, to hell with other people. I have people who loves me without me pretending or putting any effort. And this is more than enough whether or not someone will fall inlove with me in the future.

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danishstrongstyle-blog · 7 years ago

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100 questions

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

Get this Tumblr thing going

Start my diet and work out more

Read some more Pieget

Start cleaning

Get more positive

2. What color are you pants right now?

Grey

3. Favorite motivational quote.

“You’re much stronger than you think you are. Trust me.”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

Yesterday. It was glorious.

5. What was the last thing you ate?

Ceasar salad

6. Favorite animal.

Bear, wolverine or wolf. Can’t decide

7. Favorite song.

”Short Change Hero” - The Heavy

8. Last movie you watched?

‘’Split’’

9. Any turn ons?

Curves, eyes, tattoos, selfrespect 10. Any turn offs?

Ignorance 11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

Hate

Respect

Whole

Future

12. What are some meaningful movies?

”Boondock Saints” (yep), “Kongekabale”, “Pumping iron” and “The Wrestler”.

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

My mom and brother.

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Cleaning my apartment

Finding some music for my bus rides

Trimming my beard

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Thursday.

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

Hours and hours.

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Kaas and Quark.

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Don’t have any to be honest

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

Would’nt call them friends-friends but yeah; America, UK, Iceland and Rumania.

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

My morning rutine; make breakfast, pack my back and putting on my shoes; right shoe then left.

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

”Through pain and tragedy, he became king”

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Over a month ago; bought food and coffee for a friend in need

23. Are you a shopaholic?

Sure, when I have the money for it

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Anything by Mötley Crüe

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Shaving my head

Making wrestling promos

Gaming for more than 3 hours

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Somewhere with snow, ice and forest

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

By a girlfriend: Kiss on the forehead, quick rub and a ‘’good morning’’

Some one else: *Get up, you lazy fuck’’

28. How was your day? What did you do?

It was good, I guess. Played Destiny 2 and listened to my playlist on YT while I wrote this.

29. What did your last text message say?

I cant say that. I have confidentiality because of my work as a childen’s educator (pædagog)

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

Yes, it happens.

31. Who was the last person you called?

My former foster parents.

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

Long sleeved shirts

Tattoo

Beard oil and products

Wrestlemania tickets

More friends. True friends.

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

A loyal anchor.

34. Winter or summer?

Winter.

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

Common sense.

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

Long sleeved shirts from prowrestlingtees

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

Getting that first tattoo

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

Follow your dreams no matter what.

39. What are some phrases you say often?

”Fair”, “I don’t give a shit”, “Sure, what time?”.

40. Favorite food?

It changes but right now? Tartlets (Tarteletter in danish)

41. List 3 wishes.

Losing weight

A Driver’s License

Finding love

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

Being forgotten

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

Nothing, Mr. Officer...

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?

Iceland or Azat of Southern France. Or the Alphes. Scotland perhaps...? Fuck.

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike?

Hell yeah

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Sure. Been a horror fan for years

47. Do you like to travel?

Yes. Even tho it can be a pain in the ass

48. Any regrets?

Nope. They made me who i am; a broken, cheery lad

49. Do you like rain?

Love it. Nothing better.

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

Pre-made salads and energy drinks.

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

The past. Being a Whoian I would love to see old London and Venice,

52. Favorite clothing store?

’Din Tøjmand’ or ‘Spejder Sport’ for my work clothes.

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

Depends on the situation but will tell them the truth, always. Letting them know what great things they have already done.

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

Read about nihilism the other that and the fact that it made sense in some crazy way, scared me. But no.. Love embracing the unknown.

55. What angers you the most?

When people use fellings instead of facts.

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

When I watched “The Punisher” and thinking about the bad treatment of PTSD victims. That and the corruption of the systems

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

When I lost a future with the most wonderful woman because I’m not a christian

58. Are you good at lying?

Can be..

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

Spanish and japanse

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

English (scottish accent too) and danish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

Not often. Prefer a priavte soummering.

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

”Classical and modern educational theories” and “The Explosive child”. And the Lars Ulrich book as well.

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

Try to, have to. Oatmeal. 64. Tell us a secret.

The secret in a chili is adding some sweet

65. How many concerts have you been to?

33½. Motley Crue and Ozzy Osbourne were crazy

66. Last hug?

Last hug untill next time

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

My former ex. Not friends anymore tho

68. Baths or showers?

Hot, steamy showers..

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

Depends on the subject

70. What song is stuck in your head?

Read my favorite song.

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Norway x 5, Sweden x 2, Iceland x 2, Romania x 2, France, Britan, Scotland, Ireland, north and south, Greece, Luxenbourg, Czech republic, Turkey, Germany.

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty, common sense and being them selves no matter what

73. What helps you to sleep better?

Sex or tea. Fuck it. Both.

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

11.000 dkr 75. What makes you nervous?

Performing

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

‘’Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro’’ - Jake

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive.

78. First mobile phone?

Can’t remember.

79. Strangest dream?

My old foster parents tried to drive through a tornado, so I jumped out of the car and they sang christan songs going into the eye of the thing. I ran to a old house and met a wrestler, Luke Gallows and we bought a bottle of whisky.

80. Best dream?

Eh... Being the king, baby

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

Depends on the subject but one of my oldest friends from bording school.

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

How the fuck should I know? I’ve just created this thing

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

No. Listing to rock and drinking coffee. I’m good

84. Who do you love? Why?

What is love? (Sorry..) My mom, brother and best friend.

85. Do you like sharing?

Yep. Strangers or friends, does not matter

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

A picture of a model used in Destiny 2 for builds.

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

Sure.

88. Favorite genre of music?

Rock. Metal. Heavy. Trash. Rock n roll, man..

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Antriot (a sweet idiot)

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

Broken

Awesome

Messy

Honest

Fuck

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

Hate

Love

Liars

World

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Running in a swimming hall, only wearing a g-string

Falling in love with my best friend.

You pick one

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

”Short Change Hero” - The Heavy

”Paranoid” - Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath

”Same Ol’ Situation” - Motley Crue

94. Are you more creative or logical?

Creative.

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

Hurt someone telling the truth. Soak it up, embrace, move on.

96. What are you most proud of?

When I changed my life, starting at my old boarding school.

No more crime, no more hating, no more darkness.

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

Honesty

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

Creating a playlist or preparing a meal

99. How do you usually start a conversation?

‘’What do you think about....’’

100. What is the best news you could hear right now?

“Hey baby, you made it. They’re waiting for you”.

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