#did everyone just believe the mall fire story ????

[stevie-petey]

hello i wanted to say this earlier when you were talking about the wiritng of duffer brothers and specifically how they will likely be bringing back the love triangle again and i just wanted to add how it feels like a step back for all three of them! i felt like nancy breaking up with steve was important for both of them, for steve to realise that he needs to do some serious introspection and let go of the life that he knows is fake, and for nancy it feels doubly important to not attempt to stick with something just because it was there in the past, and instead allow herself to move on from a stage she feels complete with and move onto what she really wants (johnathan), even if it's unconventional! and then for johnathan it felt like the more classic, someone is choosing me when i am not usually chosen moment. i honestly, truly, wouldn't even be that mad if they break jancy up, just because, y'know they're like 19-20, and it's okay for nancy to decide she wants to explore things outside of hawkins and it's pretty normal for most people, and would strengthen that "moving on" theme they were able to capture in s2, but if she goes back to steve.............hmmmm. feels unfair thematically for steve to go back to a person he dated during a specific period of his life he wants to get away from, feels unsatisfying for nancy wheeler to be delegated to Love Interest TM (as u mentioned) AGAIN, and feels bad for johnathan because omg why??!!?!? would u do that to a character whose already lost a lot of the importance and relevance that he used to have???? remember when he used to be the main character (not to mention they literally cut out his new friend argyle for the hell of it). idk i feel like after s2 they just stopped caring about a lot of these core characters and there are so many moments i could point to and be like hey guys nice regressing you did there.

my apologies, this is getting really wrong, but you mentioned that you like themes and i LOVE your themes it's very cathartic. i am excited for s3 to see character themes continue because i understand ur working with the show itself here but it immediately upset me when they made, like, russian soldiers, the main villain of the season. i felt like we had developed two very good seasons exploring the US's ability to use its citizen's bodies, especially women and girls' bodies, in its war for imperial power, and were doing some good digging at the crux of the cold war, with the upside down and its monsters making up great metaphors for the war crimes and unnatural horrors it's willing to unleash onto people as long as the government and military benefits, with brenner and the scientists and the labs all representing this part of the government. and then we get "russian communists are bad".......right......and i'm sure you believe that....... i understand that they needed like a new villain, but i think it would have been better for them to continue that thematic critique they had established already. like, the base being in the lab is perfect! wow! what an immediate link to capitalism and consumerism in reaganamics and the ways it is designed to hypnotise you to spend your money and feed the economy that thrives on unethical practices and can only exist if it has a population hooked into the addiction of product consumption that in turn provides the economics to increase the empire. DO SOMETHING WITH THAT, GODDAMIT. The mindflayer even mind controls people which fits so well into this theme but they insisted on having the russians be the human villains of the show and it blew it so bad for me :(. i don't know exactly what they should have done, but i think maybe even having a portal open to the upside down because of all the artificial-ness of the mall mixed with the constant ads trying to convince (ie control) people to bye stuff mixing with hawkins freakiness would have been more fulfilling for me. obviously i know you won't be doing anything like that but i'm excited to get some relief through character relationships from this huge problem i have with the duffer brothers.

yeaaaaah u can def tell the show was going a bit haywire once season 3 released BUT the seasons vibes were immaculate u cannot argue with that. however yeah its wack how they brought up some cool villains and powers and then just. dropped it. do we know what happened to all those flayed people ???

as for jonathans character just becoming less and less important as the seasons go on ,,,, i grieve that every day. he deserves so much better in that aspect. and nancy !!! and steve !!!! like the love triangle pisses me OFF !!!!

as for ur russian rant imma be real i followed a bit of it but my brain is so sleepy and im not a history buff but ur SO real and valid for all that. i think the russians were fun but apparently everyone hates them ??? wild. i also have poor media literacy but thats not important rn

[bomber-grl]

Mike Schmidt jealousy headcanons !

Pairing(s): Mike Schmidt x Gn!Reader (established relationship)

Note! Has some plot | This is my Jealousy headcannons for movie Mike, stating this because I just might make video game Michael Afton headcannons aswell in the near future

Mike Schmidt relationship Headcanons !

If the two of you are together best believe it’s because of the trust, loyalty and strong bond between you guys.

So to say that Mike trusts you would be an understatement.

However, he can’t help but feel the jealousy seeping into him as he watches you laugh with some random person.

He tries his best not to be and most times it’s effective.

And honestly the majority of times where you’d be eating out on a date, he’d just keep calm and shake it off

Especially if you show blatant disinterest and reject them right then and there.

But like all people, he’s experienced jealousy

At first he himself didn’t even realize it

Abby did.

After Mike got fired, he was able to somehow be unbanned from the mall and had started taking abby there when he could.

Mainly cuz there was a crafts store she absolutely adored)

He and Abby were crossing into the food court section and he had a drink in hand.

Well Abby pointed you out in the distance talking to some rando, and he saw you laughing and playfully shoving the person.

He had been so busy looking at you that when Abby’s urgent yelling brought him back he realized he spilt the drink.

the drink had spilled everywhere.

He squeezed it too hard.

Once he snapped out of it and cleaned it up he decided it’d be time to head back.

When you finally arrive at the house mike is no where in sight, but Abby is.

Once she hugs you and welcomes you home she sits you down and starts going through her day with you.

After she brushed off that mike was in the restroom)

Midway her story she mentioned how she and mike saw you at the mall and told the story of his jealousy.

You were honestly surprised

Like home dude never seemed the jealous type so pretty shocking.

Once you send Abby back to her room you go pass the vacant restroom and went for his room.

Once you sat down you asked about it and although embarrassed, he admitted to feeling a bit jealous.

Definitely needs reassurance and that’s done by cuddling and being there for him during the night.

Of course other instances regarding jealousy occurs.

And a situation like this is when you’re at Abby’s school talking with this other teacher who had walked into the picture and became an assistant/tutor.

You were talking and although your relationship was obvious to everyone at the school this teacher decided to make a move.

Most times hes a bit more stand off ish when facing a situation like this.

If anything it’s just awkward for him and he doesn’t know where to put his hands.

But when the teacher looks at him and smirks he almost jumps that goddamn teacher right then and there.

Needs to be calmed down and he goes out of the room to do just that.

Then feels better when you go out to reassure him too.

My point here is that he does get jealous but it’s never in a very obvious way.

Most times he doesn’t do anything and lets you handle it.

But he’ll have his jealous moments.

If this isn’t something you like about him, then he tries to improve his jealousy.

If you’re really jealous too and got upset that he wouldn’t seem as jealous as you.

You’re in for a surprise.

If anything he didn’t want to make it an issue but he’ll definitely try to communicate with you.

Even if it’s very constipated communication and a bit difficult for him to express.

If you’re the teasing type when someone is jealous

Don’t.

I mean sure, sometimes the teasing could be good to bring up the mood.

But most times his jealousy comes up is in serious conversation.

If anything it’d seem like you’re making fun of him.

All I can say is

Communication 👏👏👏👏

Btw

If you ever decide to make him jealous on purpose

No, just no.

Note! Mike as your husband coming soon 🥳

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

Kinktober Day 19: Uniform- Jim Hopper

Word count: 2,012

Summary: Youre the new police station receptionist and you can’t help but love how Jim looks in his uniform.

“Benefit of now living in a small town is you guys always have my favourite cereal. Living in a bigger city it was always gone by the time I’d get to the store after work.” You lightly laughed with Joyce as you held up the cereal in question.

“Well im more than happy to keep it stocked for you. Since that new mall was built I haven’t had much to do, it’s pretty much just you, some parents and the elderly of Hawkins.” Joyce replies warmly.

Since moving to Hawkins three months ago, Joyce has been such a big help and a great friend. She was just under twice your age but that was fine, she has been like a cool Aunty to you.

“Hey, Joyce.” You heard a gruff voice say as the heavy steps of none other than Jim Hopper walked in.

“Here’s my other regular.” She smiled warmly at her old friend. “I was just telling y/n that she’s keeping the store open since that mall was built.” She joked with the man.

He smiled at you as your eyes met.

Even though Hopper was technically your boss, he still made you feel comfortable and taken care of. Well when you saw him out of work he did, when he was in his uniform it was another story.

“She’s keeping the station together too since Flo semi retired. From Wednesday to Saturday things seem to run a bit smoother.” He complimented you with a warm smile.

“Oh I don’t know about that, I think Flo just organises it so well the rest of the week that she makes me look good.” You joke back, hand lightly touching his forearm.

Though you didn’t speak loudly your volume of voice seemed to shock him a bit. To be fair it was because at work you were a lot more shy and quiet, but you couldn’t help it.

Here out in public in his regular clothes, Hopper still looked amazing to you but he was on equal grounds. Hell if Joyce hadn’t been standing there you might have even flirted with him a bit, but at work, when he was in his uniform, it was a different story.

The way he looked and the power he held in that uniform just made you clam up, you turned into a horny school girl again. If Hopper knew how he made you feel though, he’d probably fire you, or so you thought.

Hopper definitely noticed your change in behaviour at the store compared to work, sure everyone was a little different in and out of work but this was something else. The way you freely chatted and laughed with Joyce and himself made him eye you suspiciously. However your behaviour wasn’t the only thing that made him eye you.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about flipping your skirt up, unbuttoning your blouse and seeing what lay beneath your clothes but here in your regular clothes, he couldn’t help but stare a little more.

When at work you wore long skirts and quite full covering blouses, but here, on a hot summers day, your beautiful legs were on full display and your basic t-shirt seemed to sit nicely across your chest. Luckily for him he could be subtle enough to not be noticed staring.

******

Seeing you back at work the next week and you were back to your shy and closed off self. Surely it was just you being professional at work and wanting to focus on your job, but there was something about it that felt off.

Wanting answers he decided to do some semi police work and try to see if he could discover why. Making sure to pay attention to when you became more nervous and where your eyes fell. Though he tried to be subtle, you definitely noticed his extra attention and tried hard all day to stay focused and not stare.

You especially tried hard not to stare when his strong thighs came to sit on your desk, or when he unbuttoned his sleeves and rolled them up. Though you tried hard to keep your eyes on your work, you couldn’t help but stare and the blush that creeped up onto your cheeks.

By the end of the day Hoppers ‘police work’ had seemed to have paid off and he believed he had found his answer. His self conscious thoughts came out when he came to his conclusion but there was no way around it, it was his uniform.

His uniform got you hot.

****

Now he’d found the reason surely he could just move on, he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but then it got worse.

The next day you seemed to be even more on edge. As soon as he saw you shuffling around in your seat and crossing your legs each time he came over to your desk, he couldn’t help but play with you a bit.

“Y/N could you come to my office, I just have something I need you to look at.” He asked that afternoon, walking right up to your desk for what felt like the thousands time that day.

God he was driving you mad. Your skin was hot, your heart raced and every time he came into view in that uniform, your core couldn’t help but flutter. Walking to his office, you tried hard not to stare at his ass and instead tried to focus on keeping your shaky legs from failing you.

Walking through the door to his office and of course he’s sitting behind the desk with his legs spread out beautifully. You swear the second you get home you are going to need a cold shower and some time with your favourite ‘back massager’. Standing in front of his desk your eyes nervously follow him as he begins to stand and walk behind you.

Usually Hopper couldn’t see much with the clothes you wore but today your skirt was a lighter fabric and colour, being able to see the curve of your ass a lot better than usual. Standing behind you he had a perfect view of your ass and his fingers itched to reach out and grab it.

You were confused as to what he needed from you but not wanting to be rude, and not wanting your voice to falter, you waited for him to speak first.

“You know, Y/N, I wasn’t lying the other day with Joyce, you truly do work very well here and help the station run so much better.” He complimented in a deep dominating voice.

Your breath and heart rate began to pick up as you could feel him stepping closer to you.

“I love coming into work and seeing you sit there. First to come to work and last to leave, you work so hard.” He now breathes down your neck, a hand coming to rest on your hip.

A gasp makes its way past your lips at the contact, surprised at the touching but hoping he wouldn’t stop just there. Stepping closer your gasp turns into a moan as his other hand lays on your other hip and you can feel just how hard he is.

“I was beginning to worry that you didn’t like working here, you seemed so quiet and so nervous, but that’s not it is it, Y/N?” He asks, his lips now right by your ear.

You want nothing more in this moment then to grind back into him but you force yourself to stay still.

“You like how my uniform makes you feel don’t you, Y/N? Like how dominant I look? Is that it, sweetheart?” He asks hotly whispering in your ear.

His breath now on your neck causing you to moan and your head fall onto his shoulder. His grip on your hips tightens at the contact.

“Yes. Yo-you look so good in your uniform, I can’t stop thinking about you when you wear it.” You moan out to answer as he now presses hot kisses to your exposed neck.

“It gets you hot doesn’t it? I bet you think about me bending you over this desk and fucking you, don’t you? I mean you’ve been doing so well here, I think you’ve earned a good fucking. Would you like that, baby?” He asked hotly in your ear, one of his hands now feeling your breast over your blouse.

“A-aaah, ye-yes. I want you to fuck me, Hop.” You moan back, now fully grinding against his quite large bulge.

“Mmm, that’s what I like to hear.” He praises you, nibbling at your ear before he roughly shoved you onto the desk.

Landing chest first with a small grunt, you can’t help but stick your ass out a little further, hoping he’d get the hint.

“Take off your shirt and bra, sweetheart, let me see what I’ve been thinking of these past few months.” He orders, standing right behind you and caging you in with his strong hips.

Doing as he says, you quickly straighten up, now being consumed by his large frame behind you.

“Have you been thinking of this, Y/N? Have you touched yourself to me, baby?” He teases, his large fingers making their way under the front of your skirt, finding you soaked through your panties and to your tights.

“Oh fuck, baby, feels like you have.” He chuckles deeply as he begins to play with your clit, his other hand roughly squeezing your now very exposed breast.

“Aa-aaah, ye-yeesss, Hop. Oh fuck! I touch myself to you! Oh god! I want you to fuck me do badly, Chief.” You pathetically moan, practically humping his hand now.

Deeply moaning he harshly pushes you back onto the desk, another soft grunt leaving you, followed by a whine at the loss of contact.

“Ooohh ‘Chief’, I like that.” He smirks by your ear, his whole chest pushed fully onto your back.

Stepping back briefly, he pulls down your stockings and panties all once. Quickly shoving your legs apart you hear him unwrapping and putting on a condom.

“You ready for me, baby?” He asks as you feel him lining his tip up with your soaking entrance.

“Yes, please fuck me, Hop.” You pathetically moan out.

Feeling a harsh slap on your ass you loudly yelp out.

“That’s not what you call me.” He growls in your ear as his grip on your hip tightens.

“I’m sorry, Chief! Please fuck me.” You plead out.

“Good girl.” He praises sweetly in your ear as he kisses your cheek.

Feeling him fully thrust into you all at once, your body lunges forward and you let out a loud moan.

“Fuck, baby, lucky no one’s here today.” He chuckles as he grips harshly onto your hips and fucks you into the desk.

He fills you up so perfectly and his thick cock manages to hit the perfect spot each time. You can’t control your loud moans as your head drops between your folded arms.

“Oh fuck, baby, you’re so fucking tight! God your pussy feels amazing around me. Squeezing my cock so good.” He growls as his harsh thrusts continue.

You can feel the coil in you begin to tighten and your walls begin to flutter.

“Oh fuck! Chief I’m gonna cum! Please make me cum!” You shout out as you push your hips further back.

One of his large hands leaves your hip as his arm wraps around the front of your hips, and his other hand makes its way to your clit, lightly rubbing you as he continues to fuck into you.

“Cum for me, darlin’, I’ve got you.” He whispers surprisingly sweetly into your ear.

With the added pleasure your body begins to shake as your orgasm washes over you with a loud moan. Hopper closely follows behind you as he grabs onto your hips and thrusts harshly into you.

Lightly pulling out of you, Hopper readjusts your stockings and skirt as he lightly turns you around.

“You did well, gorgeous.” He gently praises as he strokes your hair.

[munsonfamilyband]

500 Follower Special!!!! I still cannot believe that I've hit 500 followers on this blog, it seems surreal honestly. I know it's cliche, but I never expected really any followers but you guys seemed to like what I write enough to follow and I cannot thank you all enough.

This is a companion piece to my Different Meeting AU, it can be read on it’s own but I would recommend reading at least the first part for the context.

———————————

Wayne Munson hadn’t always lived in Hawkins, Indiana. In fact, he grew up in Louisiana, so Hawkins was very far from home, but after the war, he needed a change of scenery. He bounced around awhile, moving around in the south and midwest before finding Hawkins.

Before moving to Hawkins, Wayne had lived only a couple blocks away from his brother and his family - not that he ever saw his brother, but he saw his wife and son plenty. Eddie was an energetic kid but he had so much joy in him that it made it all okay, until his mother died. Wayne never really got the full story about what happened, just that she was gone and his brother was going to jail. After that day, Wayne packed up Eddie and took him back home with him. Eddie was going into the 8th grade and his hair had yet to grow back from when his father had shaved it all off, so Wayne promised himself that he would help Eddie succeed.

Eddie didn’t thrive in the ways Wayne expected but he took to playing guitar like breathing and he found good friends who all played that nerd game with him. Unfortunately, with how small Hawkins was, Wayne had learned quickly that they were both outsiders - and he learned who wasn’t. He heard the Harrington name all over town and it meant that he was prepared when Richard Harrington and he ran into each other for the first time. The man was cruel, that was the only way to describe it, and he looked at Wayne like he was dirt on his shoe. That short interaction was enough to convince Wayne that the Harringtons were awful people who were not to be trusted. His opinion on the Harringtons didn't improve when Eddie was in high school and their son, who was a year younger than Eddie, became a common talking point at their dinners. Eddie complained about how the kid walked around like everyone was beneath him, rarely even talking to anyone. Instead he let his flock harass and humiliate people like Eddie. Wayne did notice that the bullying and harassment stopped for Eddie shortly after he started his junior year, around the same time the trailer started to stink of weed. He knew that there would be no way to fully control what Eddie did in his spare time, but Wayne did warn him about getting mixed up with drugs; he told him about how his brother had been using all the time. That at least got Eddie to be safer, and he seemed to avoid using anything but weed so Wayne could be okay with that.

In ‘83 things in Hawkins started to get weird; kids dying and coming back to life, entire fields of crops dying overnight and Wayne was worried but without any information he had no idea what was really happening. Then in ‘85 the mall burned down and 30 people died, sending a shockwave through the entire town; even Eddie was quiet in the few days after. But about a week after the fire Eddie started acting more like himself, but still odd. He only got weirder when asked what was going on, but Wayne found out what was happening with Eddie two weeks after the fire when he came home to his kid sitting on their coffee table in front of another boy. Another boy with bruises all over his face and a split lip, but more importantly with very identifying hair - Steve Harrington was in his home. It may have been his own distrust, but when Wayne saw Steve flinch, he didn’t think about how awful his father was and how likely Richard Harrington was to hit his own kid. No, he thought about how his father looked at Wayne like he was less than nothing, and he assumed the worst in Steve, that he was reacting the same way. Eddie had turned to look at Wayne, oddly staying where he was by Steve.

“Wayne, you’re home early. Steve just needed some help, his-“

“I’m okay, I should probably get going anyway. Thank you for helping me, Eddie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The boy cut Eddie off mid sentence and then ran out of the trailer like it was on fire. Wayne couldn’t help but think it was typical that he would want to get out of there, it was beneath him after all.

“What’s with that look, old man? Steve is a friend and he needed help so why do you look like I shit in your coffee?” Wayne looked back at Eddie, who was cleaning up the first aid supplies on the table.

“Since when are you friends with people like him?” He realized after he said it that the wording could have definitely been better, but it was too late by then to take it back.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What, because he’s rich I can’t be his friend?”

“Eddie, you know what I meant. You know what his daddy is like, and all the sudden you’re hanging out with his kid? Harringtons are no good, nasty people, you agreed with me on that.” Eddie scoffed in response, even rolling his eyes, which Wayne thought was a bit much but Eddie was always dramatic.

“Yeah, I know exactly what his dad is like, Wayne. Look, I probably shouldn’t even say this but if it will stop you from glaring daggers at Steve… the whole reason he came here was because his dad hit him and he needed someone to help clean him up, okay? So, yeah, I know what his dad is like.” Wayne was forced to then reassess the moment Steve flinched when he entered the trailer, it wasn’t because of who Wayne is, it was because he was an adult man entering unannounced.

“Alright, then I’m sorry for assuming. But still, kid, you complained about him all the time last year, so I’m a little surprised that you’re hanging out with him.”

“Yeah, me too, honestly. But, he came to see me last week for some…stuff. He was in the mall fire and he couldn’t sleep. We’ve been talking since then and he’s actually a pretty okay guy.”

~~~

After that night, Wayne saw a lot more of Steve Harrington and with each meeting Wayne noticed things that were pointing him towards a new understanding of the kid. The first being how jumpy the kid was, and not just around him. Wayne knew the signs of abuse, he saw plenty of them in Eddie and his ma for years, but with Steve it seemed like... more. He had a look in his eyes that was too close to the looks in Wayne and his fellow veterans' eyes, like he had seen too much of something he shouldn't have. The kid flinched whenever the lights flickered and he stared at the woods like there was something in there waiting to come eat him. When he started sleeping over at the trailer, the few times that Wayne was home to see it, Steve would wake up screaming multiple times during the night. He would listen to Eddie calm him down and then Steve would start speaking to other people, probably using the walkie talkie he always had on him.

The second thing Wayne noticed was the way he and Eddie acted around each other. Now, Eddie had never come out and said anything about his preferences, but Wayne had spent enough time in the military, and in the south growing up, to recognize when someone is trying to hide their attraction to other men. It had never been a problem in Wayne's mind, but with Eddie he did worry about his safety, especially with that disease that started in California. Point was, he knew Eddie liked men - Wayne wasn't even surprised that Eddie seemed to like Steve. What did surprise Wayne was that Steve seemed to like Eddie back. The two of them always sat as close as they possibly could together, sharing meaningful looks when they all had dinner together. Hell, Wayne had come home to them curled up on the couch together while the TV was still on, clearly having fallen asleep watching a movie together. He had no idea if they knew about their mutual attraction but he wouldn't pry, it was better if Eddie was allowed to tell him himself.

The final thing Wayne noticed about Steve, the one thing that settled Steve into a permanent spot in his heart, was how he seemed to collect people like Eddie did. The first one of Steve's friends that he met was the Robin girl. When she first showed up, Wayne was nervous that she was Steve's girlfriend and they were about to break Eddie's heart, but then he saw how they interacted. Her and Steve seemed to be extensions of each other, the same brain in two bodies. They bickered like siblings and defended each other just as fiercely, even from each other. He had overheard multiple conversations where she went from teasing him to relentlessly complimenting him all because he got too self deprecating. Steve did the same for her, including talking about the girl she liked - Wayne definitely wasn't supposed to hear that part, but he was happy that Eddie had more people like him to talk to. The next people he saw Steve collect was, somehow, Eddie's band. He's not sure how it happened, because those boys complained about people like Steve just like Eddie did, but suddenly they were all friends with Steve and he and Gareth were talking about hair care (if Wayne heard them plotting to get Eddie to care for his hair, he didn't say anything). The last of Steve's friends came in pieces. It started with the Mayfield girl across the way from them; Wayne saw her and Steve sitting on the steps of her trailer one morning when he came home from work, Steve had his arm around her and she was leaning into his space. They weren't talking, they were just sitting together, soaking up the other person's presence. He heard other names mentioned - Wheeler, Sinclair, Henderson, even Byers - but he didn't see Steve with any of them for a while. When the school year started, with Eddie going back for attempt number 3, he came home a week into the year and announced that he had found new members for his little club. When Steve showed up that night for dinner, Eddie told Steve that he had found his kids and the look of relief on Steve's face was hard to look at. He started seeing Steve with the kids after that, whether it was picking them up from something with Eddie or just driving them around town. He saw how Steve cared for those kids, and that cemented Steve's place in Wayne's heart.

Here was this kid who had been put through hell, with a clearly abusive father and an absent mother, who had seen things no teenager should have seen. This kid who had ever right to be cruel and mean to the world that had been nothing but cruel and mean to him, and he was caring for kids that he had no reason to care for, who stared at his kid like he was gifting Steve with his time. Wayne decided that Steve was part of his little family now, whether he liked it or not.

Around the start of October, Eddie and Steve sat him down and Wayne instantly knew what was about to happen, but he refused to interrupt - this was important for them to do, together. But when they finally told him that they were dating, and had been since August, he nearly cried with how happy he was for them. He told them how much he loved them both and he told Steve that he would always have a place as a Munson, whether he and Eddie stayed together or not.

[sweethoneyrose83]

Fear Street-inspired dialogue prompts

"We weren't supposed to survive the curse... but something wants us to."

"That house has seen every death in this town... and it's waiting for more."

"The past isn’t dead; it’s just buried deeper than we thought."

"What if the killer isn’t someone we know, but someone we’ve forgotten?"

"You think it's over just because they’re gone? You have no idea how wrong you are."

"This isn't the first time Shadyside has bled. It’s only the first time we’ve noticed."

"They say revenge never dies... and in this town, it doesn’t even rest."

"It's not about escaping the curse—it's about surviving it long enough to face it."

"The woods remember. They remember everything."

"What’s worse than being hunted by a killer? Becoming the thing that hunts back."

"We’ve all lost something to the curse, but the real question is: what did it take from you?"

"Every nightmare you've had in Shadyside? It wasn’t a dream. It was a warning."

"I’ve seen the devil’s eyes... and they look a lot like mine."

"They thought burning the witch would end the curse. All it did was spread the fire."

"Why do you think they call it Fear Street? Because it’s not just a name. It’s a promise."

“We thought the curse was broken...but look around. It’s still here, in the shadows, watching us.”

“They say if you listen closely, you can still hear her scream every night, just before midnight.”

“No one’s safe in Shadyside—not after what we found buried in the woods.”

“You think it’s just a story? Tell that to the ones who never came back.”

“The bloodline ends with you. You can’t escape what’s already written.”

“He told me it was a warning, not a dream. Something’s coming, and we’re all part of it.”

“The old mall? They say it’s where the killer first made their mark. No one’s been there since… for good reason.”

“We’re being hunted, and it’s not by some random psycho—it’s something far worse.”

“This town was built on lies, and the truth is buried in blood.”

“I found the symbol in the old books. It’s a mark of death, and it’s been following us for generations.”

"Do you hear that? The sound of something... moving in the dark?"

"I swear, the grave was empty yesterday. Now there’s a fresh body."

"The curse started with her, and it won’t end until we finish what she began."

"We were never meant to leave Shadyside. The town won’t let us."

"It's just a story, right? Except every story has a bit of truth in it."

"That symbol keeps appearing in every place someone’s died. What does it mean?"

"You think it's a coincidence that everyone connected to us has gone missing?"

"It’s not just a house—it’s alive. And it wants something from us."

"You’re telling me the same thing happened 30 years ago? How did they survive?"

"The book says it can raise the dead. But it never mentions what the dead want."

"We shouldn’t have opened the door. We shouldn’t have let it out."

"There’s something watching us in the woods. It's been watching us for hours."

"Shadyside wasn’t built on cursed land. The curse is buried deep beneath it."

"If we leave now, we’re safe. But if we stay... we’ll be just like the others."

"Whatever is haunting us—it knows what scares us the most."

"The missing kids... they're not dead. They're part of something bigger."

"The murders in this town aren’t random. They’ve been planned for decades."

"This knife isn’t normal. It’s been used to kill for centuries. And it’s still hungry."

"I don’t believe in witches or curses... but after tonight, I’m not sure anymore."

"We only have until midnight to break the curse. After that, no one will survive."

[magniloquent-raven]

everybody's saving grace

(cw the karen and billy thing. but this is mostly about joyce finding out and getting protective of billy, so)

(read on ao3)

Jane didn't speak for seven days after they lost Hop. 

Joyce made space for her in their home, accommodated as best she could. Will offered her his room and promised he didn't mind sharing with Jon, they used to bunk together on the rare weekends when Lonnie remembered he had kids anyways. More often than not though, Jane would sneak into Joyce's room in the middle of the night, awkwardly hovering in the doorway until Joyce patted the empty space next to her and Jane would crawl into the covers silently, cheeks wet with tears. 

That first night Joyce tried to talk to her about it, with soft words and a story or two about the trouble she and Hop used to get up to as teens, hoping to coax a smile out of her, or at the very least a story of her own in response. Something. Anything. She tried to tell herself it was only because she was trying to help, but there was a selfish part of her deep down that just wanted someone to share her grief. Jane was the only other person in the world who felt his loss as much as she did, and she needed help shouldering the burden. 

But Jane would only listen. Curled on her side and squeezing Joyce's hand, blinking up at her with red-rimmed eyes. 

Joyce would wait until Jane fell asleep to shed her own tears. She's up at all hours nowadays, watching every shadow, listening in the dark, a cigarette between her shaking fingers. Her boys have noticed, she knows it. Jon's picking up more slack than usual, cooking meals and cleaning house and making sure Will is always accounted for. And Will. Will has barely said more than Jane has. He's always been a quiet boy, but…well.

Even his friends spending all their time around the house hasn't brightened his mood. Mike has been glued to Jane's side, getting more and more drawn and frustrated the longer she goes without speaking. Dustin and Lucas have been the loudest of the group, trying desperately to fill the silence, and Joyce can't say she isn't grateful for it. The house feels more full when they're here. It's easier to keep busy and not let her mind wander.

On the seventh day after the mall fire, Max Mayfield asks her if she can spend the night. She's been paler than usual. Withdrawn, but only when no one is looking. 

Joyce puts a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Of course."

She gives the girls her room, and says she'll sleep on the couch. No one believes her, but they don't bring it up. She sits at the kitchen table alone, fiddling with the ashtray Jon made her when he was eight. There's a chip in it from when Will, young and clumsy, dropped it while trying to present it to her with all the puffed-chest pride of a toddler given a task. 

He cried for twenty minutes after that. No amount of hugs and forehead kisses would get him to calm down until Jon told him, his dark brown eyes big and solemn, that he hadn't broken it, he'd given it some character. 

Things were so much simpler back then.

Not easier, not really, just…less complicated. 

At two am she decides to brush the stale coffee taste out of her mouth, but stops dead in her tracks on the way to the bathroom. 

"I hate him," Max's quiet sniffling filters muffled through the closed door. 

She shouldn't be eavesdropping. But she can't…not. The walls are thin, and the floor creaks, and she can't move without everyone in the house knowing she's frozen awkwardly in her own hallway. 

Well. She toes at the carpet with socked feet. She might be able to sneak away. Maybe. But…

She's concerned. 

God, she's becoming her mother. Nosy to a fault.

"I'm just…I'm just so angry, you know? He—he saved your life, and I'm grateful for that, but," she pauses, and there's rustling, a sigh, "Stupid asshole up and left me. Everything we've been through and he…he's gone, just like that, it's not fucking fair." 

Joyce had heard about Billy Hargrove from Jonathan. Just a little bit, vague details. "There's some new guy at school," with a scrunched up face, nose wrinkled with distaste. And a week later, "He got into it with Steve, knocked him around pretty bad." It made Joyce nervous, whenever she saw him around town, picking up cigarettes from the store on the corner, driving that loud car of his up main street. She'd always think of the Harrington boy's face, bruised and swollen, the worst-case-scenario that used to haunt her thoughts after Lonnie gave Jon a black eye when he was ten. 

Then, "Max's brother, he, uh…" Solemn brown eyes. It's not broken it has character. "He got…possessed, I guess." Standing in the Starcourt parking lot with a shock blanket around his shoulders, sweat matted in his hair, Jonathan pieced together what he knew. It wasn't much, and she couldn't stop thinking about Hop's teary nod, the white light that burned her eyes even though she closed them, the empty space where he'd been standing seconds before. 

She feels horrible now, for only half-listening. For not giving much thought to the boy who died saving Jane. 

He was just a kid. Only a few years older than Will. 

"How did he even get caught up in this bullshit?" Max's voice breaks, despite the force of her anger, cracks under the strain of her grief. "Did…did you see? When you looked into his memories."

The silence is heavy. Strained. Joyce chews the inside of her cheek. She doesn't expect Jane to reply, and figuring she's heard enough she goes to tiptoe away.

"Yes." 

Joyce freezes. Jane's voice is barely more than a crackly whisper, but unmistakable. There's a pang in her chest at the sound of it, emotion welling up, thick in the back of her throat. 

"What happened?" 

She can't help leaning in a little, stopping just shy of pressing her ear directly to the door.  

"It was…nighttime. He was driving." There's a pause. "Mrs. Wheeler wanted to see him."

…What?

"What?" Max echoes, breathlessly scandalized. She can't think it was like that. Was it?

No, there's got to be an innocent explanation. She struggles to come up with one, but it must exist. Karen is her friend. Sort of. They went to school together. They've known each other their whole lives. Back when they were teenagers Karen had a bit of a reputation, sure, she was a ditz with lofty romantic notions and a string of boyfriends willing to play along, but she's settled since she got married, and she isn't a predator. 

"He was going to. A mo-tel," Jane sounds out the syllables carefully, a child repeating an unfamiliar word. 

Joyce's heart drops. 

Her first, and worst, thought is about how that boy used to parade around town, drawing as much attention as possible. She'd never seen him with the same girl twice, and she'd never seen him in modest, weather-appropriate clothes. Karen was always weak for a flirty guy, she was easy to take in with a few flattering words, and by the time she realized they didn't mean any of it they'd already gotten what they wanted from her. 

She assumes Billy must have laid it on thick, as he was prone to do, and Karen fell for it, like she always did.

But that was when she was a teenager too. When she was a silly, impressionable girl, not a married woman with three children of her own. 

Her children, Christ. Joyce's stomach turns. Billy was in Nancy's year. He was Jonathan's age. 

Bile burns the back of her throat. 

She'd been hearing gossip about Karen and half her book club spending every day at the pool all summer and she hadn't thought anything of it. Not a goddamn thing. How long had it been going on? Was she sleeping with him when he was still in school?

Joyce puts her head in her hands and lets out a slow, silent breath. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. She doesn't feel any calmer but she feels less like throwing up. Confused, directionless anger prickles under her skin. It's easier to be angry. At Karen for taking advantage. At herself for not caring soon enough. At everyone for not seeing it before it got him killed.

She hears Max swearing, ranting, none of it makes sense and she can only make out every other word. She's not sure Max even knows what she's saying.

There's this…itch. In her brain. That little buzz at the base of her skull, when she needs to get up and do something, when she can't sit still, stay quiet, but. But there's nothing she can do. There's nothing to be done. 

Her fingers clench in her hair, hands trembling as she aimlessly pushes her bangs back.

She can't do a goddamn thing.

**

It takes Joyce three weeks to lose her shit.

She's been trying to get Jane settled in—with a few new things and a lot of hand-me-downs, she's tall enough to fit into a lot of Joyce's old clothes—but it's been…challenging. She still barely speaks. Joyce isn't sure if that's normal for her, and that's part of the problem. As much as she wants to take care of this child she barely knows her, and the universe doesn't seem to be that keen on giving her the time to change that. 

Because she has…a lot on her mind. Looking into places to move, for one. Sunny places. With minimal suspicious deaths. And work has been much busier now that the mall has burned down. And people all over town are still talking about it, people who have no idea. Who don't know. They still pat her hand and tell her Hop was a hero, like that will make her feel better about pulling the switch that got him killed. 

And then there's…the Billy issue.

Max comes around the house a lot. Always wearing a denim jacket that smells like Marlboro Reds. Snapping at Mike more and more often. And Joyce has no clue what to say to her. 

If there's even anything she could say.

She keeps…failing. She failed Will. She failed Bob. Hop. Twice over, when she couldn't get him out of that base alive. And now. His daughter is struggling. Her friends are struggling. Joyce is doing everything she can but it's not enough, and it's driving her crazy.

She can't scratch that itch in her brain, no matter what she does. No matter how much often she rents Jane's favourite movies to watch as a family, or sits with her after dinner and goes over the writing and grammar worksheets they got from the library, or insists on cooking dinner and pretends Jonathan isn't hovering over her shoulder the whole time expecting her to burn their grilled cheeses. 

Because every time Max stays over they all act like they can't tell she's been crying, like they don't see her eyes go vacant whenever someone lights up a cigarette or a car engine rumbles in the background or any number of tiny things Joyce doesn't catch that must be tearing Max up inside. Joyce lets her stay and puts food on her plate and a comforting hand on her shoulder but none of it helps.

And four weeks after Billy died, Karen Wheeler walks into Melvalds General, her hair perfectly curled, a tiny, sad smile pulling at her lips when she spots Joyce in her employee vest. She's coming over, hands folded to her chest, freshly manicured nails sparkling, the picture of grace and sympathy, with her soft eyes and pouting lips. 

The whole routine has never rung so hollow before. Discomfort tugs at Joyce's insides, writhing in her guts. 

"Joyce," Karen calls, stepping delicately around the half-unpacked box of mouthwash on the ground. Stocking shelves has never been Joyce's favourite part of her job, but she'd rather keep doing that than have this conversation. Karen reaches out, grasping Joyce's elbow. "I'm so sorry. I should have come to see you sooner…I know you and Chief Hopper were close." 

Joyce shakes her hand off. "Sort of busy here, Karen. Work. You know how…it…" She pauses, and shrugs awkwardly, gesturing to the bare shelf behind her. "I'm in the middle of something."

That earns her a frown, a pitying look, sympathy to the point of condescension. "Did you take any time off? After…you know."

Like she can afford that. Jonathan's making less at his new job than he did working for the Post and she's got another mouth to feed now. Two if she's counting Max, which she might as well. 

Max, who's a ticking timebomb nowadays. A raw nerve trying to pretend she isn't. A shell of the vibrant girl Joyce met last November. 

Because her brother is gone, and it's Karen Wheeler's goddamn fault.

The itch returns with a vengeance. Crawling up her spine, a thousand tiny needlepoint fingers prodding her back. Her stomach feels like dropped jello, jittering fragments smashed on the ground. 

She hasn't been told, in so many words, what life in the Hargrove household was like—is like—but Max says just enough that Joyce can put the pieces together. It's not a pretty picture.

And Karen got to go back to her cushy little life, getting her nails done and making casseroles like there's nothing wrong in the world, like her children haven't been fighting monsters right under her nose for years. Doling out advice like she knows a single thing about what any of them have gone through. Walking around with her head in the clouds because she can still pretend she's living in a normal town with normal problems.

Something bitter an angry takes ahold, all spite and thorns and a gnarled lump in her throat. 

"What about you, Karen?" Joyce manages to keep her voice steady, calm on the surface and cold underneath. 

Karen blinks at her, tilting her head in confusion. "Me?"

"Well, you knew someone who died in the fire too." 

"I…a few of them, yeah." She folds her arms around herself. "It's a small town. But I didn't know any of them that well."

"No?" Joyce grits her teeth, venom sour on her tongue. "What about Billy Hargrove?"

He died saving Hop's daughter, and no one will ever know. As much as Joyce hates that everyone has an opinion about Hopper's death, she's starting to hate even more that Max will never once be told her brother was a hero.

Calling Karen out won't change anything, Joyce is just tired of being angry in secret. 

It's almost satisfying to watch the colour drain from her cheeks. Less so to see her eyes start to shine with tears. "He…taught Holly a lot. She used to be terrified of the water, you know." 

There's guilt colouring her grief. If Joyce didn't know to look for it she wouldn't have been able to tell, but it's there. It's also not enough. It's the vague regret of a woman carrying one tiny little secret, a woman who carries her past but isn't haunted by it. The rest of them have ghosts that following them every waking hour but Karen doesn't seem to be aware of hers. 

"I know what you were doing!" Her voice cracks this time, strains under the weight of everything she has to hold back. "Don't act dumb, I know you aren't," she snaps when Karen opens her mouth.  

"I—I didn't do anything—"

"Bullshit! Half the town saw you at the pool every day, drooling all over that boy, treating him like a piece of meat." That's all he was to anyone, wasn't he. Eye candy. Cannon fodder. A body for the Mind Flayer to take and use up. Joyce's eyes sting, and she jabs a finger into Karen's shoulder. "He was a child! How do you justify—"

"He was eighteen!"

"Exactly!" Joyce throws up her hands, the rage thrumming through her flares, all motion and energy and flushed cheeks. She doesn't care that her voice is getting shrill, her hands are shaking, Karen is glancing around the store nervously. "You took advantage of him, and you should have known better!"

"Joyce—Joyce, I swear I never—I have a husband for god's sake! I was just, I was just—he was just so nice, and, and I was lonely, but I never…" She breaks into tears, shoulders shaking, she presses a hand over her mouth when a sob tries to escape her. "It was a mistake," she says, voice wet and muffled by her palm. 

Joyce clenches her jaw, and grinds her teeth, swallowing some of the bile crawling up her throat. "It never should have happened in the first place. None of it." 

"I know."

"He was far too young for you."

"But—"

"A teenager, Karen! He was a teenager! In high school! He should have been worrying about zits and homework and goddamn prom, not middle aged women preying on him because they're trapped in failing marriages and trying to relive their youth." 

Karen's eyebrows shoot up, and she mouths wordlessly, tears still dripping down her cheeks. "That's…" she sputters. "At least I still have a husband." She winces as she says it, with an immediate look of regret.

"That's what you're going with? Really?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"I don't give a damn what you think of me and my life. And I'm not the one you owe an apology to." 

"I'm trying to do better, okay," Karen sighs, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. She looks tired. "I'm working on my marriage. And the kids…things have been so strained lately, but…I'm trying. I really am. It's not like I ever made a habit of going around flirting with random men!"

"What about boys."

"No—listen, it wasn't like that! He was—"

"Oh please don't say 'mature for his age'."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, is there a problem here?" Joyce's manager appears around the corner of a shelf. She'd almost forgotten there are other people in the store, but suddenly she'll aware of every eye turned in their direction. The nosy old church lady in the next isle, peering through the stacks. The pair of teenagers gaping at them from over by the watch display. 

It's not the first time she's been a spectacle, but it seems like Karen isn't as acclimatized. She pales, and her eyes go wide. "N—no," she pastes on an unconvincing smile.

"Joyce, that shelf is still bare."

"Yeah, yeah," she mutters, and mock-salutes. "On it."

Karen scurries out of the store, whispers following her the whole way out.

It doesn't feel like a victory. It might just make everything worse, who knows. There's petty satisfaction in seeing Karen embarrassed, but Joyce is sure she didn't get through to her, not really. She doesn't understand the depth of her mistake, and she probably never will. 

Joyce scratches the back of her neck. And gets back to work.

**

A week later Steve Harrington shows up on her doorstep with Billy Hargrove, bloody, bruised, and half conscious, plastered to his side. 

"I didn't know where else to go," he says all in a panicked rush. He wipes his forearm across his face and leaves a smudge of dirt over one eyebrow. Billy blinks at her, bleary, unfocused, seemingly unaware of Steve's vice grip on his waist, and the tiny, gentle stroke of his thumb against the arm he's swung firmly over his shoulders. 

Joyce's heart is in her mouth. She swallows, and tries to stay calm. There's an open, anxious plea all over Steve's face and she needs to get him through this somehow. 

"You did good, honey, bring him inside."

Will's asleep, and Jon is at work, but the door of her bedroom creaks and Jane pops her head out as Steve is hauling Billy into the living room. 

She goes wide-eyed. Then teary. "Max," she says after a beat, and slips back into Joyce's room, presumably to make a phone call. 

"You stay with him, okay?" Joyce pats Steve's shoulder. He's tense. Joyce wonders where exactly he found Billy, and what he had to do to get him here. 

Steve nods jerkily, an perches on the coffee table across from the couch he laid Billy down on, bouncing his leg. Staring. Flexing his fingers over and over again, fists pressed to his thighs.

There's something there and Joyce doesn't have time to unpack it.

She grabs a bowl from the kitchen. Fills it with warm water. Watches the water swirl, splash, droplets clinging to the plastic sides. Her vision is a little fuzzy. She's a little light-headed. 

Billy is alive. 

Somehow.

It's odd, seeing him in person again. He used to scare her. She can vaguely remember it. What it was like before. When he was an unknown, a new kid projecting danger as far as he could. It's like seeing behind an optical illusion. Figuring out how a magic trick works. Realizing that he was just a moth with a flashy pattern, hoping not to get eaten. 

But wherever he's been, he's lost weight, lost that mask he used to wear everywhere. He's cracked open and bleeding on her couch, looking every bit the scared kid he always was. 

Her heart aches.

Steve hastily folds his arms across his chest when she walks back into the room, a first aid kit tucked under her arm and a clean cloth floating in her bowl of water. 

"Is he doing alright?" Joyce asks softly, glancing between the two of them. Billy startles at the sound of her voice, and Steve folds his lips between his teeth, looking pained.

"He…um." He doesn't even glance in Joyce's direction. Not for a second. She was under the impression these two weren't friends, but maybe she was wrong. "I'm not sure."

"Okay." She plonks the bowl down next to Steve, and sits on the couch, keeping a careful distance between her and Billy. He's shaking like a leaf and she doesn't want to spook him even more. "Help me get him cleaned up a little? It'll be easier to tell if he needs medical attention."

God, she needs a cigarette. Her nerves are fried and it's taking everything she's got not to just collapse right now. She's been awake for nineteen hours and the real estate agent that was supposed to contact her today flaked, and none of that even matters right now because she just wants to do something stupid like wrap both these boys up in soft blankets and mother the hell out of them.

Steve takes the cloth, pinching it between two fingers and eyeing it like it's a bug crawling in his lunch. His movements are stilted, unsure, but Billy lets him wipe the mud from his face without incident while Joyce roots through her kit. She keeps it better stocked than she used to. And thank god for that. 

Though Billy's injuries don't seem too severe, Joyce notes as Steve continues to clean him up. The way he's moving his hands might mean trouble, he winced his way through Steve's ministrations and now he's keeping them curled in his lap, stiff and shaky, bruises darkening his knuckles. But other than that they seem to mostly uncover scars. 

"I, um. This water is…" Steve gestures at the bowl of murky water. His gaze flicks over Billy, jumping from his hands to his eyes to the scars crisscrossing out from under his shirt. He jumps up, suddenly, water sloshing onto the carpet as he picks up the bowl. "I'll be right back," he announces, voice high and strained.

Joyce blinks at his retreating back. Then turns to Billy, whose gaze is lingering on the doorway Steve disappeared through. "So, you two are close, huh?"

He startles, and recoils, and shakes his head. "Not really." His voice is croaky, low and dry. She should've gotten him water to drink too.

He's fidgeting, anxious, unable to meet her eye, like a kid caught doing something they shouldn't. 

"Well, he seems to care about you." 

She doesn't expect the tears that well up in his eyes, spilling over without warning. He ducks his head like he's trying to hide it, but she's already seen. And there's no hiding the way his shoulders shake as he tries to steady his breathing. 

Her heart breaks for him. Like it has been, again and again, for weeks now. 

"Oh, honey," she says quietly, sadly, and he finally looks up at her, eyes shiny, cheeks wet. They look nothing alike, not really, but she's struck by an image of Will, three years old and bawling his eyes out over a chipped ashtray. The same feeling wells up in her chest, the same overpowering need to scoop him up in her arms and keep him away from anything that's ever hurt him. 

She slides over and pulls him into a hug. 

"You're okay now, it's okay." 

He's tense, and trembling, and she thinks maybe she did the wrong thing here, but then he shatters, with a tiny, wounded noise, collapses against her, tucked into the crook of her neck like Jonathan used to when he was having trouble sleeping and she'd have to carry him for hours while he dozed. 

He's okay. She'll make sure of it.

~tag list @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you @suddenlyinlove

[anonymeqaupdates]

Avatar AU : Goal acquired

Silver was left confused and reeling. This had to be a joke, or a misunderstanding. It couldn't be true and yet Crowley seemed completely sure of himself.

He was the avatar.

"Listen, I understand this is probably a lot for young man to process but it is imperative that you accept this fact as quickly as possible: you are the avatar that had disappeared all those centuries ago. There is no doubt about it."

"But if that's true, then, father... no, Lilia, he took in the son of his enemy!" Silver cried out despite the fact that they were not enough distance from the palace yet. "Not only that, he took in a murderer too!"

Crowley turned around and covered Silver's mouth to silence him before dragging him in the nearby bushes. Silver heard the sound of armored soldiers running by the path they were in just a moment ago. They nearly got caught again. Once the coast was clear, Crowley pulled him back up and freed his mouth.

"Please be more mindful. We are not safe quite yet. And what is this nonsense about you being a murderer?"

"...It's not nonsense. It's the truth." Silver said before turning around towards the path to the palace. "Thank you for trying to free me but I'm going to surrender myself to the Fire Kingdom now."

"Well now I know you're not thinking straight. I will absolutely not let you act on this insanity. It's time for my lashing of love!" Crowley said and suddenly Silver felt ribbons suddenly wrap around him and stopping him from taking another step. Crowley pulled on the ribbons to force him into face him. The expression on his face showed that he wasn't amused with Silver's words and attitude. "Now, since I am so generous I'm willing to listen about why you believe yourself a murderer instead of dismissing this ridiculous notion right away. But make it quick!"

"... Shouldn't you know already? It's pretty obvious what I'm referring to."

"I actually have no idea what you're talking about." Crowley deadpanned. Silver stared at him incredulously and Crowley's frowned deepened. "Well, out with it. You may be okay with the idea of being arrested but if I'm caught things will get really bad really quickly!"

"Princess Maleanore's husband."

"Uh?"

"That's the man I killed. Everyone knows the story. How can you pretend like this had nothing to do with me."

"... Young man, if this is actually what you were taught then I'm sad to tell you that your education system had failed you immensely."

"Stop making jokes about this! Don't you understand? I killed prince consort Revan! Fath- Lilia's best friends, Princess Maleanore's husband, and Mall- no, his highness' father! Because of me he's gone forever!"

Silver felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes. This was just so awful. He was the one responsible for their pain and anguish. Maleanore had been so stricken with grief that he had taken centuries for her to hatch Malleus. The prince had nearly died before even having a real chance at life and it was his fault. And Lilia, not his father but the only other person that had suffered just as much as them because of Silver, had still protected him. Why? He must have hated him so much. Silver sure hated himself a lot right now.

"Do believe me, making light of this matter is the last thing I would want to do. However I always fancy myself as teacher and I have to correct people when they get the facts wrong."

"What do you mean? I heard the story many times and Lilia had confirmed it too."

"Is that so? How strange. You were but a babe when it all happen and yet you want me to believe that you actually to manage to kill a full grown man? The general of the left at that? Now even for the Avatar this is a bit ridiculous don't you think?"

"But it's true! That day prince consort Revan disappeared did he not?"

"AH! You're right about that! He disappeared, but that doesn't mean you killed him. After all did they ever used the word kill when describing what happened?"

"Well, no, they haven't." Silver reluctantly agreed before shaking his head. "But he had disappeared for so long that he has to be dead!"

"Is that so? But you disappeared too and yet here you are in front of me alive and well. And you certainly don't look like you're over 400 years old."

"I'm..." Silver flinched when he started to catch on what Crowley was trying to imply. "I came back."

"You did. Now don't get me wrong, I do not know what happened to you back then. Wether you travelled forward in time or if something else happened it matters very little. What really counts is that you came back and it stands to reason that you did not do so alone."

"But, if that was the case, then why hadn't he resurfaced yet?!"

"Hm, that is troubling. I suppose you'll have to ask him once you'll find him."

"We're going to look for him?"

"No." Crowley shook his head. "You are. Unfortunately I am not in a position where I can keep traveling with you for long. Once I got you out of danger and on the right path I will take my leave. But I do encourage you to look for the missing consort. It may be your best shot at helping Lilia Vanrouge."

"..."

"The princess isn't going to overlook what he did by taking you in. If you want him to escape punishment you'll have to make amends by bringing her husband back. And for that, you'll need to master your abilities."

"..."

"Meaning, for their sakes you cannot be allowed to be captured again. Did I make myself clear this time?" Crowley said as he freed Silver from the ribbon.

"Yes." Silver said with determination.

He now had a goal.

[shichey97]

Lover Of Mine

“Everyone wants something in life, Stevie.” Eddie says with a soft sound from his spot on Steve’s left as he drove them up the old quarry road. One of Corroded Coffin’s demo CDs playing over the van’s old radio. “So what do you want?”

This isn’t the first time they hung out; They started hanging out a few days after the mall fire that killed Billy and a bunch of other people almost a year ago. Steve kept having nightmares and couldn’t take it so he asked the metalhead to help. It became a weekly thing. Every Friday night they’d go up to the top of the old quarry road and smoke, talk, watch stars, and just burn off the shit of the week.

“I want to stop feeling lonely even when I’m surrounded by people. To be truly happy. To fall in love.” He says after thinking about it for a few moments.

“Have you not been in love?” he asks, glancing at him. Maybe they had more in common than he thought.

“I thought I was, but now that I think about it I don’t think so. I think what I thought was love was just an obsession with what was expected of me.” He says and Eddie laughs.

“It wouldn’t surprise me, Stevie. What does your love story look like?” He asks as he parks and goes to the back to open the doors and climb in. Steve followed and sat on the small air mattress that Eddie put back there to make their smoke sessions comfortable.

Eddie is already lighting a joint and passes it to him coughing slightly.

“I’m not high enough to answer that question.” he says and Eddie nods as Steve takes a hit, coughing at the burn in his lungs.

Eddie chuckles and reaches back up front, turning off the radio before he takes another hit from the joint between Steve’s fingers.

Steve looks at the joint then at Eddie before shrugging and taking another hit. For some reason Eddie brought Steve a sense of peace that he hadn’t found anywhere else. He feels calm and relaxed even before they smoke when he’s with the curly haired man.

“You’re staring, Harrington. What is it?” Eddi asks with a soft laugh. If Eddie was honest the way Steve was staring at him made him feel anxious, but not in a bad way.

“I like being around you, Munson.” He admits after a long while. That’s another thing he liked about Eddie. He didn’t push for an answer. He didn’t expect him to have his answers immediately. He didn’t expect…anything from Steve.

“Really now?” He asks softly as he looks at Steve. He just looks at him for a few moments. He had always found Steve beautiful. At first he thought that was a normal thing, but when he told Wayne about it Wayne explained that it wasn’t a normal thing, but it wasn’t wrong. For a man raised in the south in the 50s he was very progressive. “I like hanging out with you too, Steve. You’re one of the few that doesn’t see Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson.”

“I’m truly sorry for everything Tommy did to you…and me.” he says, sighing. “I know I didn’t do anything, but I didn’t stop him either so I’m just as guilty.” Steve says looking down.

"Don’t worry about it man. You were a dumb teenager. You've changed since then and realized how fucked up your actions were." Eddie says laughing. "Let it go. Forgive yourself man. I was never mad at you." He says leaning over to take another hit from the joint between Steve's fingers this time he had to actually touch his lips to his fingers. Eddie held his breath and went back to rolling a second joint.

Steve couldn't believe how soft his lips were or how forgiving this guy was. Steve really wanted to kiss him and the thought made him panic. So Steve finished the joint and wiped his palms on his jeans.

Eddie held out the second lit joint before he began playing around with the guitar he keeps in his van for these nights, “What’s wrong, Stevie? You’ve gotten quiet again.” he says as he strums softly.

“Why do you come out here every Friday with me? You could just give me the weed, teach me to make a joint, and let me be on my own.” Steve asks, looking at him.

“Because…every Friday I get a friend my age that doesn’t worship me or see the freak.” he says shrugging. “I’m just Eddie for a few hours and I like it.” He refused to add that Steve felt like home to him neither one high enough for the implications of those words.

“Oh.” Steve says, nodding as he takes another hit on the new one.

They’re halfway through with it when Steve gets a brilliant idea on how to get Eddie’s lips on his. “Have you ever shotgunned before?” He asks him and Eddie looks at him in shock.

“I have…once. Why do you want to shotgun, big boy?” he asks, watching him. God Eddie hopes he’ll say yes and let him kiss him.

Steve wants to say yes. He wants that more than anything, but instead he feels himself shaking his head, “I was just curious.” What a dumbass he thought as he holds the joint out to Eddie before he crawls to the cooler and grabs a soda and then the bag of doritos. He doesn’t stay sitting up long choosing to lay beside Eddie with his head towards the back doors of the van so he could see the stars.

Eddie had one of those battery operated lanterns hanging from the roof which gave off just enough light for Steve to see his face. He was handsome with the type of eyes that could convince you to do anything, but Eddie didn’t seem to understand just how beautiful he was.

If he could ever muster the courage that’s the first thing he’d tell him followed by how much he means to Steve.

“You’re staring again Harrington.” he says before looking at him with a soft smile as he puts the guitar on the wall again before laying by him on the air mattress.

Steve took another hit on the joint, holding it before he exhaled. "You're a beautiful man, Eddie Munson." He says passing the joint to him.

"You're high, Steve Harrington." He laughs before putting the joint in between his lips and filling his lungs with the smoke. He holds it for a moment before exhaling.

"Perhaps, but I think it when I'm not high as well." He says softly as he turns his head to look at him. He wasn’t surprised to see Eddie staring at the roof since he was laying on his back.

“Steve…don’t do that to me.” he says softly before holding the joint out.

“Don’t do what?” He asks softly. He was confused as to what Eddie meant. He was being genuine with his feelings and Eddie seemed…sad about it which just made the confusion worse. Had he read the signals wrong.

“Don’t give me hope that you like me when you don’t. It’s not fair to me.” He says quietly, closing his eyes as Steve takes the joint.

Steve leaned over and kissed him hesitantly; He couldn’t put his feelings into words yet, but he could put them into action. He was pleasantly surprised when Eddie kissed back a hand going to his waist to pull him closer; fingers with rings digging into a strong back

Eddie had been wanting to kiss Steve Harrington since he helped him fix a bloody nose in the bathroom after Tommy beat him up in junior year.

Steve breaks it first, but not in a rush to get away in a rush to check if Eddie was ok with it.

“You really are a dingus. Of course I’m ok with it, Harrington.” he says before pulling him back down to kiss him again.

They spent the night kissing, smoking, and finally sleeping. Eddie slept better than he had in so long. He dreamt of red skies and bats, but still woke up feeling refreshed.

Steve on the other hand dreamt everyone had found out he liked boys and that they chased him and Eddie out of town for kissing. Which led to a very stressful night for him.

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls: A FLCL Christmas in Gravity Falls (originally published on December 20, 2023)

Author's Note: Guess who's BAAAAAACK! Yeah, it's not just me that's back, but the recent releases of FLCL Grunge and Shoegaze have begun reigniting my interest in Fooly Falls so much, that I'm doing a Christmas special before we move onto Rick and Haruko! As you might've heard on my Tumblr, this special was born out of watching Dragon Ball Z Abridged's Christmas Tree of Might and Plan to Eradicate Christmas specials, in like late September to early October. Come on, if people can get away with putting up Christmas decorations as soon as Halloween ends, then I can too. Anyways, I originally intended for this to be a funny throwaway line in a future Fooly Falls story, but it grew a life of its own and I just thought that with Steven Universe: Alternate Future finally done; I can focus more on other stories at last. Particularly those that I've left hanging for years on end. Anyways, let's get cracking!

--

In a picturesque winter cabin with halls decked for the Christmas season, an elderly gentleman was sitting by the fireplace's glow dressed in a smoking jacket and a Santa hat as he turned to notice the readers. "Oh, hello there. Wasn't expecting guests at this time." He gave a warm laugh as he got up from his chair and walked past the Christmas tree in his living room towards a bookcase against the wall. "Now, Christmas is a magical time of year that brings everybody together, from friends and family to even perfect strangers."

Scrolling through the bookcase, the man eventually pulled out a book with the letters "FLCL" on the cover. "As such, there are many tales about what a wonderful time of year this is, from the night that changed a miser's life forever to a man who has given everything for his friends being shown a world where he was never born, a jolly elf leaving the North Pole in search of his father, or a mall Santa who believes he's the real deal. But this story is quite different from all the others, I say."

Sitting in his chair, the man opened his book and began reading. "Twas the day before Christmas and all through Gravity Falls, the Pines family was stirring with excitement for Santa Claus. Young Gwen, Tyrone, and Arnold were walking through the forest searching for a tree that would make everyone feel joyous." Before the narrator could rhyme anymore, he heard something break down his door, followed by the skidding of tire wheels. "What in blazes?!"

"ALRIGHT, CHRISTMAS LUUUUUUNCHTIIIIIME!" a young woman wearing a sexy Santa dress riding a Vespa scooter yelled as she jumped into the air and beat the old man senseless with a Rickenbacker bass guitar. "Move aside, you old fart; I'm telling this story!"

"Who are you?! How did you find my house?!" the old man yelled before Haruko Haruhara coldly grabbed him by the wrist and launched him into the fireplace. "AAAAGGGGHHH, I'M ON FIRE, I'M ON FIRE!" he screamed as he scrambled around the room covered in fire, lighting the rest of the house ablaze in the process. "SOMEONE PUT ME OUT!"

"Just go outside; it's snowing out! Sheesh!" Haruko complained before sitting in the old man's chair and picking up his book while the man burst through the wall and ran into the snowy wilderness. "Now, where was I? Oh yeah!" she beamed before looking at the readers. "Strap in, nerds! I'm gonna tell you the story of how Jinyu and I helped the Pines family save Christmas!" Haruko opened the book and began to read, blissfully nonchalant to the house burning down around her. "We begin on Christmas Eve 2032 in Gravity Falls, Oregon…."

--

Fooly Falls: A FLCL Christmas in Gravity Falls

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It was a cold and snowy afternoon in Gravity Falls. As Christmas was fast approaching, naturally, everyone was getting hooked on that holiday feeling as decorations were hung up, presents were wrapped, carols were sung, and kids eagerly awaited the arrival of Old Saint Nick. But for three kids in particular, this afternoon, they were sent on a mission to find a perfect Christmas tree to bring home for the holidays.

"Come on, Gwen, I wanna see the trees!" Deep in the snow-covered forest of Gravity Falls, Gwen Pines, her younger brother Tyrone, and their cousin Arnold ventured through the white-colored woods in search of a Christmas tree. Gwen, wearing a pink winter coat and a blue pine tree cap on her head, much like what her famous father once wore at her age, had her nose stuck in a navy-colored book with a silver pine tree symbol on it. Tyrone was busy bouncing up and down in his snowpants and sweater courtesy of his aunt Mabel, and Arnold was quaking in his designer orange parka and boots while nervously looking around for trouble.

"We should be getting closer any second now." Gwen said while taking a break from the journal to check whether they were getting closer. "Arnold, anything you see?"

"Nothing but trees and snow for miles, Gwen." Arnold stuttered, both from the cold and from his anxiety. "And none of them are the tree we want! We should just turn back now and go to the tree lot. I'm sure Wendy can call in a favor from her cousin."

"No way, Arnay, they say the perfect Christmas tree has to be around here somewhere." Tyrone said to his socially awkward cousin. "Legend has it that whoever finds it will be blessed with the most amazing Christmas ever for the rest of their lives! Doesn't that sound exciting?!"

"Yeah, but the journal also says that tree demons are lurking around here." Arnold pointed out by taking the journal from Gwen's hands and showing a page on tree-like monsters to Tyrone. "And if we somehow make them mad, they'll make us pay with our lives!"

"Calm down, Arnold; the tree demons won't try to kill us or whatever," Gwen said, taking her journal back and tucking it in her coat. "Now come on, boys, we don't have all day." As she turned to continue her search, the two boys took a moment to talk.

"Even five months after you-know-who crashed our summer and we saved the world, it still feels weird seeing Gwen not be perpetually emotionally distant from us." Arnold commented on his cousin's growth in confidence since the eventful summer they had earlier that year.

For most of the trio's childhood, Gwen wore a mysterious knit cap she found as a seven-year-old girl that suppressed her emotions, forcing her to become emotionally withdrawn from her family and friends as she quietly became paranoid about what the future held for everyone. Now, after a mysterious frenemy from Gwen's father's past helped her overcome that paranoia, Gwen had quickly grown back into a bright, gentle, and self-confident young lady like she once was as a child, and her family couldn't be happier even if it came at a significant cost.

"I like the new Gwen!" Tyrone exclaimed cheerfully. "Though I guess she's technically the old Gwen now back for round two, I guess. You still wrapping your head around that?"

"Come on, boys!" Gwen called for the duo as she got further away. "We're getting closer to the trees!"

"Oh my goodness, coming Gwen!" Arnold stuttered as he tried to race after Gwen through the thick layer of snow surrounding them until he accidentally fell face down into the snow. "Uh, little help here?"

"Don't worry, Arnold!" Tyrone yelled as he grabbed Arnold by the hips and hoisted him up. "Lumberjack genes, activate!" he declared while carrying his cousin over his shoulders. "Gonna have to thank Leia later for taking me to the gym with her."

When the three kids got deeper into the forest, they eventually found an entire grove filled with mighty pines towering over them. This had to have been the place where they could find the perfect Christmas tree, but now all they had to do was find the right one to bring home. The trees around them were big and small, short and tall, with earthly colors brightening up the pure white forest around them.

"So if the trees are this perfect, I'm going to assume there's a catch." Arnold commented as Tyrone planted him back on the ground.

"What kind of catch?" Tyrone asked before looking around for the tree they wanted to bring back with them. "Surely it can't be anything too serious like, 'if you pick the wrong tree, you will become a tree,' right?"

"Says here that if you hurt any of the trees, you will be punished for it," Gwen said, once again looking through the journals. "I'm going to assume they mean if you do anything other than chop a tree down."

"Hopefully, the punishment won't be too severe," Tyrone said. "I don't want to be turned into a tree! Then how am I going to unwrap my presents tomorrow?"

"Guys, over there!" Arnold yelled while pointing to a small, pathetic-looking tree with crooked branches and pine needles that fell off easily. "Man, should this even count as a tree? Looks more like an upright stick to me."

"Ah, come on, Arnie, it's not so bad." Tyrone replied optimistically while pulling a red ornament from his pocket and shining it against his coat. "This little green one here seems to need a home."

"Hm, I don't know, Ty." Gwen said, tilting her head as she contemplated the little tree. "Arnold's right. I'm not sure if this can even count as a tree."

"Don't look so down, guys; I don't think it's such a bad little tree." Tyrone disagreed before hanging the ornament on the tiny tree. "Maybe it just needs a little love." Suddenly, as if to prove Tyrone wrong, the tree bent over from the added weight of the ornament, much to the three kids' shock. "Oops. Good grief."

"We killed it!" Arnold yelled in despair. "AUGH! Now, what are we going to do?!" Suddenly, the earth beneath the Pines children began to shake, and the trees started rustling in an unsettling manner. "Oh no, that better not be what I think it is!"

"Stay behind me, boys; we might have tree demons coming for us!" Gwen declared as she pulled out an axe to defend her brother and cousin. Suddenly, a pair of wooden arms burst from the ground beneath the tiny tree, causing the three to turn around and discover the tree they thought they killed was merely resting on top of the head of a humanoid tree-like golem glaring at them with disgust before he took Tyrone's ornament off his head and crushed it in his hand.

"You three have chosen poorly." The tree monster boomed, his voice reverberating throughout the forest as an army of trees with scary faces carved into them surrounded the kids. "And now, your souls shall become one with my tree demon brethren, as have all the mortal fools who tampered with my trees!"

"I knew it; we're gonna get turned into trees!" Tyrone said brightly before he realized what he just said. "Oh no, we're gonna get turned into trees! Everybody cheese it!" Grabbing Arnold by the wrist, Tyrone immediately ran for the Mystery Shack while Arnold screamed as loud as he could at the tree demons pursuing the trio.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, UNCLE DIPPER! HELP US!" Arnold wailed in horror while the tree demons marched ever closer to the kids.

"You shall pay for disturbing my slumber, humans!" the king of the tree demons roared as his tree stump feet stomped loudly toward the kids. "And now, we shall devour your souls!"

"Guys, I can see the Mystery Shack!" Gwen exclaimed as she saw the tourist trap once run by her late Great-Grunkle Stan in the distance. "Just need to get a little closer!"

"Your fate has been sealed!" the tree king roared before he suddenly got an arrow to the knee. "WHO DARE STRIKE ME?!"

"Hey, King Oakthur! Stay away from my kids!" Gwen and Tyrone's mom, Wendy Corduroy-Pines, said after firing an arrow from her crossbow at the tree golem. "Dipper, Mabel, Stan, now!"

"On it!" Wendy's husband and the siblings' father, Mason, better known to everyone as Dipper, replied as husband and wife worked together to fight off the tree demons while Dipper's sister Mabel and the ghost of their Grunkle Stan protected the kids from harm.

"Hey, Ghost Grunkle in the house!" Stan declared before passing through a tree demon and giving the monster a nonexistent wedgie. "Can't catch me!"

"Grappling hook!" Mabel yelled as she tied two tree demons together with the rope of her grappling hook. "Hey, you two would make a cute couple. Want I should grab a mistletoe?" One of the tree demons gave the other a look, causing the second to blush.

"Whoo, go, Mom and Dad!" Tyrone cheered for his parents while Arnold was about to scream from the harrowing experience he had just had.

"It's okay, Arnold, just breathe into my hat." Gwen tried to calm her brother down and offered her hat as a makeshift bag to hyperventilate into. Instead, Arnold decided to scream as loud as he could. "Well, that's one way of doing it."

Meanwhile, Dipper and Wendy were locked in fierce mortal combat against King Oakthur for the fate of their children. "Seriously, man, it's Christmas! Do we have to do this every year?" Dipper asked the king of the tree demons. "Just let our family go so they can spend the holidays together without having their souls drained and shoved into your tree monsters."

"Either leave my fam alone, or you'll have another thing coming," Wendy replied menacingly while brandishing her axe. "My dad's a manly lumberjack, and you don't want to piss him off."

"Wait, you are the scion of Daniel Corduroy?!" King Oakthur gasped before taking a knee in recognition of Wendy. "My apologies, young lady. I didn't realize he had grandchildren. My men and I shall make ourselves scarce posthaste."

"Aw man, but I really wanted to eat someone's soul!" one of the tree demons groaned in disappointment. "What was the point of even chasing those kids anyways?!"

"Enough whining. Let us return to our sanctuary." King Oakthur declared as he prepared to leave, only to notice Mabel turning the two tree demons she tied up together into a couple. "And you two, less kissing and more leaving!"

"Well, that went easier than I expected." Arnold sighed in relief as the older Pines congratulated each other on a job well done. "But we still don't have a Christmas tree to put up in the Mystery Shack."

"Don't worry, Arnold, we got a fun adventure out of it!" Mabel replied cheerfully before presenting her hands, now covered in splinters. "Check it out; I'm all covered in splinters!"

"Can someone get the first aid kit?!" Dipper cried for help, trying not to move too much as he and Wendy were also covered in splinters.

--

"Ow!" Dipper yelped in pain as his enemy turned girlfriend turned sister-in-law Pacifica Pines gently removed each splinter from his body with a pair of tweezers in the Shack's living room. "Could you be a little gentler, please?"

"I'm going as gently as I can!" Pacifica complained while listening to Dipper cry out a few more times. "Dammit, Dipper, I'm a child psychologist, not a doctor!"

"Aren't psychologists a kind of doctor?" Wendy asked while removing the splinters herself. Unlike Dipper, she didn't show that much pain in doing so, given her experience with chopping down wood. Mabel, on the other hand, tried rearranging her splinters to make funny pictures.

"That's not my point!" Pacifica sighed, removing her glasses to rub the lenses before removing the splinters from her wife. "How are the kids doing?"

"They're fine, just bummed out they couldn't find a tree," Mabel replied before presenting her left arm. "Check it out! Now my splinters say 'BEWARE'!"

"That says 'BEWARB,'" Dipper observed Mabel's rearranged splinters before turning away from the girls. "Hey, Ford, how's babysitting going?"

"It's going splendidly, Dipper! Junior loves my stories and is a good listener, too!" Grunkle Stanford Pines exclaimed in delight while bouncing his five-month-old surrogate grandson Stan Jr. Ramirez on his knee. The baby wore the fez once worn by Ford's deceased brother on his head, marking him as a possible successor to his father Soos's position as owner of the Mystery Shack. "Now then, would you like to hear about my encounter with the Control Devil next, or maybe my battle with that dastardly Davros and his Daleks?!"

"Santa." Stan Jr. babbled while slightly drooling on Ford's pant leg.

"I know you're just as excited for Santa as we are, little one," Ford replied. "but if you promise to be a good and patient young man, then he'll bring you many presents tomorrow!" Just then, the old man and the baby heard some loud stomping followed by a jolly "HO HO HO, DUDES!" making Junior's eyes widen in delight. "Oh my, it seems Mr. Claus has come early to meet you, kiddo!"

"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, dudes and dudettes!" Soos declared as he stomped into the living room dressed as the equally big and jolly spirit of Christmas, bringing joy to everyone in the room. Unfortunately, the mood was quickly killed as Soos made one wrong move and fell down the steps onto the carpet. "Ow."

"Dada Santa?" Junior asked as Soos got up and brushed off his Santa suit.

"No, Junior, that is simply our father dressed as Saint Nicholas to entertain us." Imelda, who was sitting down with her little sister Abby at the TV to watch a Christmas special together, observed.

"We blew it, Soos," Ford grumbled. "Our little stunt is ruined." Fortunately, Junior began laughing and clapping his tiny, chubby hands together in delight at Soos's accident. "Okay, maybe it wasn't so bad after all."

"Daw, he's just so tiny and cute!" Stan cooed with adoration at Junior. "You made a good choice naming him after me, Soos."

"Looks like this little dude is excited for his first Christmas!" Soos declared as he got up to pick up his son while his wife Melody entered the room. "Who's a merry little dude? Who's my merry little dude?" he asked Junior in a babylike voice while bouncing his infant son up and down. "It's you! It's you!"

"My my, who would've guessed Santa was so handsome in person?" Melody said flirtatiously before bringing Soos in for a kiss. "How about tonight, when the kids are snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, you and I rest our brains for a little winter's nap?"

"Oh, Simone!" Soos giggled with a blush just as they heard the door open, followed by their four oldest children, Ian, Leia, Juan, and Jorge Ramirez, along with Canti the Medical Machine, entering the living room with groceries.

"We're back from the grocery store!" Ian exclaimed while setting down a big frozen turkey on the table. "We tried to find as much food as possible before the last-minute shoppers took everything. You would not believe how many mashed potatoes they took!"

"And check it out. We even snatched up some figgy pudding!" Leia bragged as she presented a massive can of industrial figgy pudding. "We're gonna get so sick!"

"And we snuck in some last-minute gift shopping too." Jorge revealed a beautiful golden meat necklace that he gave to Melody. "For you, mother."

"Oh, that's so nice!" Melody gasped at the gesture.

"And I got this bad boy for Aiko!" Juan proudly stated while revealing a sunhat he bought for his girlfriend. "It was half-off too! What a steal!" His joy was interrupted when he realized something. "I sense a disturbance in the holiday spirit. Where's the Christmas tree?"

"Tree demons." Dipper said while Pacifica continued plucking out splinters. "Gwen, Tyrone, and Arnold pissed off the king of the tree demons, and we had to get them the hell out of dodge."

"Again?!" Juan exclaimed. "I swear, every year, we find a way to piss those guys off! We should find some other place to get our Christmas trees next year. That reminds me, where are they now?"

"The kids are playing in the snow outside," Wendy replied as she finished the last splinters, causing her arm to start bleeding. "Anyone got a lot of bandages I can use?"

--

Outside the Mystery Shack, Gwen sat on the front steps of the porch while watching Tyrone build a snowman and Arnold make snow angels on the ground. For six years of her life, Gwen had barely felt anything because she was afraid to be her true self, thanks to that old hat she found one day. But now, five months after finally accepting her insecurities and abandoning that hat, Gwen felt so many emotions all at once. Joy, sadness, anger, disgust, fear, and other assorted feelings all felt so new to her, yet at the same time, it was like welcoming an old friend you hadn't seen in years.

"Hey, Gwen, check this out!" Tyrone snapped his sister out of her daze before standing behind the snowman he built and doing his best Jackie Vernon voice. "Happy birthday!"

"Hehe, not bad, Tyrone." Gwen let out a cute giggle at Tyrone's snowman trick before returning her gaze to the gray sky above Gravity Falls. "Tyrone, have you ever felt that one day, you could lose everyone you love, including yourself, but then you discover that you don't have anything to worry about because the future is never set in stone?"

"Are you still thinking about the summer?" Tyrone asked. "Look, Gwen, summer's over. Your old hat is gone, and you can feel like a normal human being again. No need to keep persever-whatever on the past! Which is pretty ironic considering how afraid you were of the future." While Tyrone was talking, he secretly created a snowball behind his back. "That reminds me, THINK FAST!"

Before Gwen could ask why, she got a snowball to the face from her little brother, who quickly scampered off while his big sister smirked and created her own snowball to throw at him.

"Hey guys, what were you just talking about?" Arnold asked as he got up from making snow angels, only to be hit by Gwen's snowball. "Whoa, so cold!"

"Hey, Arnie, back me up here!" Tyrone exclaimed as he gathered an armful of snowballs and let his nervous cousin pick one from his bundle. "It's two against one, Gwen, what are you gonna do?!"

"Pretty big talk coming from someone within throwing distance of two snowballs." Gwen confidently said and threw her snowballs at the boys, causing the three of them to laugh joyously as their snowball fight raged on.

"Ah, this is just what I needed. A perfectly calm, normal Christmas." Arnold sighed while continuing to throw snowballs at Gwen. "Well, as normal as it can get in Gravity Falls, anyways. Absolutely nothing can go wrong today!"

As if fate was knocking on Arnold's door to remind him that nothing ordinary ever happened in Gravity Falls, the rev of a Vespa scooter could be heard in the distance, catching the children's attention as they turned in the direction of the sound. "Hey, do you smell gasoline and sheer insanity?" Tyrone muttered in surprise as a certain Vespa Woman approached the trio.

"Oh no, not again!" Arnold yelled in surprise as Haruko Haruhara began getting closer to the Pines children on her Vespa scooter, with Julia Jinyu following close behind in her Chevrolet Bel Air.

"ALRIGHT, CHRISTMAS LUUUUUUNCHTIIIIIME!" Haruko screamed as she reintroduced herself to Gwen by crashing straight into the girl and sending her flying into a snowdrift, just like how she revealed herself to Dipper and Mabel twenty years ago.

"Yo Gwen, you alright?!" Tyrone called for his big sister as Haruko and Jinyu alighted from their vehicles.

"KUROSAKI-KUN!" a dazed Gwen yelled out a non-sequitur as she woozily got out of the snow while Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Ford raced outside to see what all the commotion was about.

"What in the Star of Bethlehem is going on out here?!" Dipper yelled for the kids before he locked eyes with the Vespa Woman dressed in a sexy Santa dress, who gave him a catlike grin in response.

"Long time no see, Takkun." Haruko purred as she took off her bike helmet. "Merry Christmas!"

"Well, I'll be damned if it isn't Haruko Haruhara." Dipper smirked in reply while folding his arms. "Didn't expect to see you again so soon. How long has it been since Stan's funeral, five months? Oh hey, Jinyu's here too."

"It's a pleasure to see you all again, Pines family." Jinyu warmly greeted the Pines as she hugged Stanford. Compared to her eccentric surrogate sister, Jinyu was dressed a bit more conservatively to protect herself from the weather. Her tube top was replaced with a turtleneck sweater, a longer jacket, a warm scarf, and a different pair of leggings. "How have you been adjusting to your new normal since we last saw each other?"

"Eh, we've been slow to adjust to Stan's death and Gwen acting like a human again, but we're doing fine." Dipper replied as he helped Gwen out of the snow.

"So, what brings you and Haruko back to Gravity Falls?" Gwen asked while brushing the snow off her body. "Hopefully, your presence isn't signifying that Medical Mechanica is back."

"Eh, give it a few stories, Gwennie." Haruko foreshadowed possible events to come. "Anyways, Jinyu and I felt like celebrating the holidays with our family! The problem is, most of my family died when my planet was destroyed, as I'm sure you and Sixer are aware."

"So does this mean you consider us your family now?" Stan's ghost asked. "If that's the case, Haruko, that makes our interactions really friggin' weird in retrospect."

"Regardless, it would be wonderful if you'd let us join you for the festivities." Jinyu stated while hoisting a Christmas tree off the back of her car to give to the Pines. "By the way, here's a Christmas tree I'm sure you wanted. I checked, and it's not an angry tree demon."

"Oh, of course you're welcome, Jinyu!" Ford laughed gregariously as he took the Bel Air Babe by the hand and led her into the Shack. "Come on in; you must be cold and hungry from the long trip here! The Ramirez kids just got back from grocery shopping!"

"I am absolutely touched that you consider yourselves members of the Pines." Arnold stated. "Even if we got off on more than just the wrong foot not too long ago."

"You betcha, Arnie! Just call me your cool aunt Haruko!" Haruko proclaimed before she started dancing by swinging her hips and making laser noises with her finger guns, much to the bewilderment of her self-proclaimed niece and nephews.

"She really is Cool Aunt Haruko." Tyrone muttered in awe before Haruko ceased her dance to ask a question.

"Now, who wants to watch slides?!" Haruko yelled before leaping into the Shack.

--

"And this was when Jinyu and I took a beach vacation to Italy!" Haruko said while presenting a slide of her and Jinyu relaxing on the beach in Sardinia as part of a slideshow of their adventures together, while the Pines family and their friends helped themselves to the big jar of figgy pudding and decorated the tree. "As it turns out, Jinyu speaks surprisingly good Italian."

"Gli oceani erano belli lì." Jinyu stated in perfect Italian while bouncing Stan Jr. on her knee before Haruko moved onto a slide of her writing "KICK ME" on Jinyu's back with sunscreen. "We also may have gotten into some trouble with the authorities because someone had the bright idea of making the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean to the other side."

"Hey, you were the one who asked about it!" Haruko bickered with Jinyu before presenting mugshots of the two, with Jinyu looking more stoic while Haruko struck a pose with her placard. Haruko then ended her story of Italy before revealing photos of the two in New York City. "Here's us in the Big Apple! Unfortunately, we couldn't find any mutant turtles, ghostbusters, spider-men, gargoyles, or funny penguin spies there. But we did also run into this douchebag who beat the snot out of me with nose hairs!"

"Wait, as in, he pulled at your nose hairs?" Dipper asked while Haruko presented a slide of her getting into a bar fight with a tan-skinned man dressed in a blue shirt showing off his chest hair with a big yellow afro and nose hairs coming out of his nostrils. Also caught in the crossfires was a green-faced man with a bright yellow zoot suit and a man dressed in a red and black costume armed to the teeth with guns and swords.

"No, as in the funny nose hair man beat me like I owe him money with his nose hairs!" Haruko laughed uproariously. "Funniest shit I've ever seen!"

"So that explains why Staten Island was turned into a nuclear wasteland." Ford muttered in surprise. "I thought it was a Halloween prank or a gender reveal party gone horribly wrong."

"On an unrelated topic, how has fighting Medical Mechanica and finding Atomsk gone for you two?" Ian asked the Vespa Twins.

"Yeah, we've been taking down factories here and there, but we're nowhere near close to Atomsk." Haruko replied before switching to another slide showing the two on the moon. The slide was of Jinyu saluting the American flag while Haruko pulled down her pants to make a butt print next to Neil Armstrong's footprint. "On the plus side, we did discover that at least one part of the moon was made of cheese." Just then, there was another knock at the door. "Anybody wanna get that?"

"Oh no, the carolers are coming!" Leia cried in shock. "Quick, someone hide the figgy pudding!"

"I'll get it." Dipper said as he got up and walked over to open the door. Who he found knocking just now gave the freelance paranormal investigator a real shock. It was a tall, shadowy figure dressed in a black cloak who stretched a bony hand towards Dipper. "The Grim Reaper already?" Dipper asked before turning to the others. "Ford, I think it might be for you!"

"Tell him to wait until I die at age 92 of a heart attack!" Stanford responded before the figure pulled down his hood, revealing that the cloak was worn by a goatlike monster with red and green eyes, sharp teeth and claws, long curled horns, cloven hooves, and a long tail. "My goodness, is that-"

"Oh no, not the Krampus!" Juan yelled in terror while pulling at the ears of his elf hat. "Look, man, I can explain! We did not steal the figgy pudding; we bought that with our own money!"

"Well, did you steal it?" Stan asked, believing that Juan was lying to save his skin.

"Maybe." Juan replied nervously, to which Stan responded with a pat on the head and a declaration of "Attaboy."

"No, I'm not here to punish any naughty children tonight!" the Krampus exclaimed in a somewhat effeminate voice. "I'm here because I need your help!" The gravitas of the Krampus's plea for help was undercut by the sound of his stomach growling. "And also something to eat. You have no idea how long it took to get here!" he added. "Got any figgy pudding left in that can?"

--

"Oh yeah, oh my. This is so good." The Krampus muttered with a mouth full of figgy pudding as he sat down in Stan's chair to help himself to the holiday dessert, getting pudding stains all over his robe and his ash-black fur. "I'm gonna get so sick."

"So, did we just welcome the Krampus into the Shack and let him eat our figgy pudding?" Dipper asked as the Pines-Corduroy-Northwest-Ramirez-Haruhara family awkwardly watched from the table as the Krampus relaxed in the chair. "You're all seeing this, right?"

"And just when we thought we had seen everything." Haruko replied while eating some dinosaur-shaped Christmas cookies Canti got fresh from the oven. "So, who wants to ask him what he's doing here?"

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna back out, dudes." Soos said nervously while stepping away backwards. "Anyone else?"

"All in favor of staying far away from the guy who punishes naughty children as his job?" Ian declared, to which all but two of his younger siblings agreed.

"I'll go," Gwen said as she got up, only to notice Tyrone getting up too. "Hey, I called dibs!"

"Rock paper scissors for it?" Tyrone smiled while offering his fist.

"Uh, guys, I don't think this is a good time to play when the Krampus is in our midst!" Arnold exclaimed while his cousins began their game of roshambo.

"You know I can hear you all talk about me!" the Krampus stated angrily. "Though it's only fair you're a little wary, considering my whole schtick is being the big, scary monster who abducts naughty kids on Christmas. It's been that way ever since Santa cast me out."

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Gwen and Tyrone shouted and threw out their hands. Tyrone chose paper, while Gwen chose scissors, showing she won the game.

"Guess I win." Gwen said with a grin just as Soos spoke up.

"Hey, anyone seen Stan Junior and Abby anywhere?" Soos asked around for his two missing youngest children, only to slowly see Junior crawling towards the Krampus while Abby tried to bring him back. "Oh no."

"Junior, get back here." Abby whispered as she tried to keep her baby brother from wandering off. "We don't want to make Mr. Krampus angry." Unfortunately, since Junior was only a five-month-old baby, Abby's words fell on deaf, infantile ears as Junior's curiosity got the better of him. He climbed up Krampus's messy robe, crawling on the beast's lap and grabbing at his torso.

"Need something, baby?" the Krampus gave Junior a menacing hiss while holding the baby by his hips. The Pines family and their friends were ready to jump in and save Junior at any moment, but the baby didn't realize what was happening as he made one simple request.

"Fig." Junior babbled, pointing a tiny hand at the half-empty tub of figgy pudding.

"Well, why didn't you say so?!" the Krampus gave a hearty chuckle before sitting Stan Jr. on his lap and scooping up a spoonful of pudding to feed him. "Here comes Santa's sleigh, ready to make a delivery!" The Krampus then waved the spoon around while making airplane noises before sticking the spoon in Junior's mouth, making the easily entertained baby laugh in delight. "I would protect this baby with my life." Krampus muttered in awe of how quickly Junior welcomed him.

"Unca Krampy!" Junior giggled happily.

"Junior!" Jinyu, Imelda, and Abby cried as they raced to Krampus to collect Junior.

"Oh, thank goodness, you had us worried sick, young man." Jinyu sighed in relief while resting the baby against her chest to burp him. "I think you've kept us waiting long enough. Why are you here, and what do you need our help for?"

"Heard the news lately?" Krampus said as he pulled out a radio and tuned into various stations to find the one he was looking for. "Come on, come on!" he muttered, coming across radio stations dedicated to progressive and alternative rock, grunge music, shoegaze, and cheesy Christmas music before finally reaching the news. "Yes!"

"Good evening and happy holidays from your friends at Falls Radio, your one-stop shop for 24-hour news and bear rampage alerts." A radio host announced. "This is TJ."

"And the Wombat!" the cohost added excitedly.

"Coming to you with some breaking news!" TJ declared. "Santa Claus has been arrested today for numerous crimes against humanity he's been framed for and has been given the death penalty. He is set to be executed at the stroke of midnight, and all his worldly possessions shall go for sale on Christmas morning. So, if you're a last-minute shopper waiting too long to bring your family joy, now's your chance."

"But on the plus side, I won't have to tell my kids that Santa isn't real!" the Wombat declared with an unhinged laugh while stock cheering sound effects played in the background. "In other news, the Krampus is wanted across the globe for the crime of framing Santa for being a war criminal! He's been a very naughty boy, so naturally, the United Nations is offering one trillion dollars for his capture! That ought to be enough to buy your kids Christmas presents for life!"

"Did you just hear that?!" Dipper gasped in shock at the news he just heard.

"Yeah, a trillion dollars for nabbing the Krampus!" Stan exclaimed, causing the Krampus to growl at the ghost grunkle. "Isn't that great?!"

"No, no, it's not." Mabel began wailing in despair. "They're gonna kill Santa-ha-ha!" She started bawling into her ugly Christmas sweater while Pacifica and Melody comforted the girl. "What kind of Grinch could possibly do something so evil?!"

"Certainly not me, that's why I'm here!" the Krampus answered. "I need your help to clear my and Santa's names and find the real culprit behind this!" Just then, another knock at the door was heard. "Anyone want to get that?"

"We are just getting one visitor after another today." Ford muttered.

"I'll get it." Leia said before she opened the door to find her boyfriend of five months, Ezra Chiu, standing outside with a fruitcake in hand. "Ezzy, Merry Christmas!" she squealed in delight and gave Ezra a hug. "What brings you here?"

"Greetings, everyone; I have come on behalf of my mother to wish you happy holidays." Ezra greeted the family as he walked inside the Mystery Shack. "She also wanted me to deliver you this fruitcake." Now, pay close attention to that fruitcake, readers. Make sure you study it closely and remember it carefully. It might be important later. Just then, Ezra suddenly noticed the Krampus sitting in Stan's chair, covered in figgy pudding stains. "Leia, honey, why is the Krampus in your house eating figgy pudding?"

"Ezra, my boy, I think you shouldn't ask too many questions." Dipper replied. "Okay, team, assemble!"

"We've been here for the past hour or so." Mabel pointed out.

"Well, assemble better!" Dipper stated. "We need to find a way to save Santa from the death penalty and stop whoever framed him and Krampus from ruining Christmas! Anyone got an idea on what to do?"

"I have an idea," Jinyu answered while she rested Junior on her lap. "We need to kidnap Tim Allen and force him to become Santa to use as a decoy while we look for the real Santa!"

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to work." Haruko objected to Jinyu's outrageous idea. "Pretty sure he's working on that live-action Toy Story reboot now. Anyways, here's my idea!" She then pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary Christmas-themed snow globe from her pocket. "I got this magic snow globe off a little red monster puppet who used it to wish it was Christmas every day! Maybe we can use it to wish Santa out of the big house!"

"No, no, no, you're missing the obvious solution here!" Stan's ghost declared. "We need to go to Florida to get the help of Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, and the Ice Cream Bunny!" Everybody gave the ghost weird looks, like he grew a parasitic twin dangling off his chin. "What? That was an actual movie filmed at some cheapo theme park in Florida. I was actually there when they filmed it and got into a drunken fistfight with Jay Clark! Quit looking at me like that!"

"Didn't the MST3K guys make fun of that movie?" Melody asked.

"Can we get back on track here?!" Dipper exclaimed impatiently. "We don't have much time! Mabel, what are your thoughts?"

"I have the perfect plan!" Mabel declared. "We find a way to Halloween Town so we can tell Jack Skellington that Sandy Claws needs his help!" Dipper gritted his teeth as he resisted the urge to smash his head against a wall before the Krampus spoke up.

"Those are some of the stupidest ideas I've ever heard, my friends." The Krampus said while holding Abby's hand. "How about instead of sitting around making references to Christmas movies, we go to the North Pole itself and look for clues on who could've framed me for framing Santa?"

"That was exactly what I was going to say," Dipper stated. "Finally, someone's making sense!"

"Hey, I make plenty of sense!" Mabel argued. "Remember when we visited Grandpa Shermy last Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah, that was the time we thought he died after he got run over by a reindeer," Dipper replied. "It was really awkward."

"But how are we going to get there?" Wendy asked, and Canti added by projecting a big question mark on his screen.

"Don't worry, everyone, I have this covered." Jinyu said as she led everyone outside to her Bel-Air, making the Krampus whistle at the car with admiration.

"A Bel-Air, nice!" Krampus complimented the Jazzmaster player. "Though I don't think it can fit all of us."

"No need to worry, Krampus." Jinyu replied before pressing a button on her key fob that allowed her car to stretch itself out and take the form of a long, blue limousine, prompting everyone to clap gently in response. "Thank you, thank you so much. Now, let's get going. We haven't got a moment to waste."

"Shotgun!" Krampus yelled as he raced to occupy the front seat next to Jinyu while everyone else got in the back, much to Haruko's chagrin.

"No fair, that's my seat!" Haruko complained to the Krampus while she was forced to sit in the passenger section alongside the Pines.

"First come, first serve, girlie!" Krampus laughed tauntingly at the Vespa Woman. "HA HA HA!"

"Okay, everyone, to the North Pole!" Dipper exclaimed before the Bel Air took off for Santa's home, leaving Gravity Falls in the dust.

--

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Mabel, Tyrone, Soos, Leia, Stan, and Haruko all chanted in obnoxious unison as the Bel-Air/limousine hybrid continued its journey to the North Pole. Despite being barraged with such annoying questions, Jinyu kept her cool as she remained laser-focused on the road ahead, while Krampus kicked back and relaxed with some easy-listening music.

"Here is where you are wrong, my friend." Juan said while in the middle of a heated debate with Jorge. "This is Jesus freaking Christ we're talking about."

"I totally get where you're coming from, but he was just a dude who was as mortal as you and I." Jorge objected. "I mean, did you think he had the power to escape being crucified?"

"Okay, whatever, but he was practically the world's first superhero!" Juan stated. "We are talking about the son of God who can turn water into wine. He could turn Frosty into a nice glass of rosé with but a touch of his holy finger."

"Oh, you are totally underestimating the power of an eldritch snow creature whose only weakness is getting wishy-washy in intense heat!" Jorge exclaimed.

"Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fistfight between Jesus Christ and Frosty the Snowman!" Imelda complained to her older brothers before turning to Jinyu. "How much longer till we get to the North Pole?"

"Not much longer, Imelda." Jinyu replied. "It's just that I can't see through all this snow. Maybe if I turn on the windshield wipers." Upon doing just that, the crew realized that they were swerving out of control, and all began screaming in terror, including Jinyu and somehow Canti, while the car flew off the road. The Krampus was the only one not paying attention as he was too entrenched in his music to realize what was happening until the Bel-Air got back on track.

"Hm, what's going on?" Krampus muttered as he pulled out an earbud, only to realize he had nothing to worry about and returned to his listening.

"So now that we had a brush with death," Dipper sighed in relief before turning to his kids. "what do you plan on doing when we get to the North Pole?"

"I want to be the first boy on Earth to sit on the real Santa's lap!" Tyrone exclaimed. "Not any of those mall Santas who are only there for the paycheck; I want to sit on the lap of the real Kris Kringle!"

"Hold onto your dreams, Tyrone." Dipper gave a fatherly laugh to his son before turning to Gwen. "And how about you, Gwen?"

"I want to feel some Christmas cheer again," Gwen said, gently clutching her pine tree cap. "After going so long without feeling any emotion other than ennui and paranoia, it would be nice to reconnect with my inner child."

"Yeah, she's been like that for a while." Tyrone added. "Hopefully, it doesn't become all she says."

"I'm just looking forward to a relaxing Christmas vacation," Arnold stated. "Hopefully, I don't get horribly maimed or sexually harassed like what Haruko did to me."

"I want to see if I'm still on the nice list." Stan's ghost answered. "That jolly old elf owes me big time!"

"Stan, you can't be on either the nice or the naughty list if you're dead." Ford added.

"Not with that attitude!" Stan said to his brother. "Just wait until you die, and you'll see my point!"

Dipper gave his dead grunkle an odd look before focusing on Haruko. "Hey Haruko, what do you think you want for Christmas? Other than the Big A, that is."

"I don't think I really want that much for Christmas because my wish has already been granted," Haruko said before bringing Dipper and Mabel in for a group hug. "I'm just so glad we're all friends again!"

"Yeah, friends." Dipper and Mabel said in unison before laughing nervously at Haruko and spotting a 'YOU ARE ENTERING THE ESTATE OF SANTA CLAUS. HAVE A NICE VISIT.' However, there was also a large stretch of tape over the sign saying 'CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION.'

"We're here!" Dipper exclaimed, relieved that the long journey had finally ended as everyone began cheering and scrambled out of the Bel Air. However, Arnold was quick to notice that something wasn't right.

"Uh, guys. I think someone might've already beaten us to the punch." Arnold observed the chain-link fence surrounding Santa's home with security officers standing guard at the entrance.

"Oh geez, the National Guard?!" Ian shouted in dismay. "I guess they must be barricading the place on account of Santa becoming public enemy number one."

"Relax, everyone; I got this covered." The Krampus said confidently, strolling up the entrance only to be met with comically large guns pointed at him by the guards. "Gentlemen, I am the Krampus. I'm here because I brought a plucky bunch of Christmas lovers here to clear Santa's name."

"Bold choice of words coming from the monster who framed Santa to begin with!" one of the guards yelled while forcing Krampus to the ground and putting handcuffs on him. "You made a big mistake coming back here, and now we have you red-handed!"

"Fellas, there's no need to be so judgmental here." Haruko tried calming the guards down. "He doesn't mean any harm; he just wants to clear his name."

"Hey, isn't that the Vespa Woman we've heard about on the news?" another guard asked. "Hey, lady, we can let you and your friends in if you give us your autographs!"

"I got a better idea." Haruko said before she started to apply some makeup. "How about I give you a kiss if you let them in?"

"Sounds like a deal." The first guard said before he suddenly got a Rickenbacker to the face, followed by Haruko smacking the other guard with her guitar. "God, I feel so blueballed."

"Eh, you probably wouldn't have gotten far with me anyway." Haruko commented before a pair of tiny reindeer emerged from the guards' foreheads as a result of the woman's assault. "Talk about compensating for something."

"Ha, I get it, because they have tiny dicks!" the Krampus laughed as he got up and effortlessly broke his handcuffs, making everyone wonder why he didn't do that in the first place. "Okay, enough mockery, let's get cracking."

"Uh, we're still gonna get that kiss, right?" the first guard asked as the Pines family and the Krampus walked towards Santa's house.

"Oh, shut up, Ted." The second guard said, utterly disappointed.

"Suck my dick, Mike!" Ted yelled back at his partner.

"I wouldn't bother!" Mike replied. "Yours is so small, you might as well not have one!"

"So is yours!" Ted argued, causing the two to go silent momentarily before sighing in dismay. "God, we need to get laid."

--

"Hello, this is Santa's workshop; you've reached the information desk; my name is Info." An obese, bearded elf sitting at the front desk of the workshop spoke into the phone. "Yes, we are still working on solving our Santa problem. No, we are not accepting auditions for replacements. Thank you, and have a merry Christmas." The elf then picked up another phone. "Hello? No, I don't want to waste all my money on whatever scam you're trying to flim-flam me into, so stop asking!"

"Whoa, this is where Santa lives?" Mabel gasped in awe as the group entered Santa's workshop. "Looks more like a weird mix of an office building and the grand staircase from Titanic."

"Hey, look, there's even an elf working the front desk." Wendy pointed out the elf working the desk and walked up to get his attention. "Uh, hey, man. You busy right now?"

"Hold on, I got a visitor." Info ended another call before turning to Wendy. "Yes?"

"Uh, we're here representing the Union of Servants to Holiday Figures 1225." Gwen made up a lie on the spot that would make Stan proud. "We'd like to speak with your supervisor about your working conditions."

"Oh no, the union?!" Info exclaimed. "Listen, man, I'm not violating regulations; I'm just an honest working elf with a wife and kids back home!"

"Naw, we're just kidding." Krampus laughed at Info's reaction. "We're here to investigate the accusations levied against Mr. Claus. Is there anyone in the building who can help us?"

"As a matter of fact, there is." Info said. "But first things first, my name is Info. I work the information desk."

"How fitting." Ian muttered under his breath.

"And I do believe I can connect you with Mrs. Claus, provided that she's currently taking a break from arguing for her husband's freedom." Info said before he started speaking into an intercom. "Helpo? Could you bring Jessica down here? We got some guests saying they can help us with our Claus conundrum." He requested. "Helpo's my secretary."

"Right away, Mr. Info." A sassy female voice, no doubt Info's secretary, replied before hanging up on her end.

"So, what are your other elves named?" Haruko asked with a snicker. "Is your janitor named Junko or something?"

"No, that's the garbageman." Info stated. "Cleano's the janitor. Speaking of which, the reindeer have been making such a mess since Santa was taken away, so watch your step, guys."

As Arnold nervously checked everyone's shoes to see if anyone unknowingly stepped in reindeer droppings, another elf that looked more like a sassy roadside diner waitress stepped into the waiting room alongside Mrs. Claus herself, who looked just as matronly and jolly as the wife of Santa Claus should be.

"OMG, it's her!" Tyrone whispered in amazement.

"Yes, it is I, Mrs. Jessica Claus." Mrs. Claus introduced herself. "Wife of the big man in the red suit himself and forever seventeen years old!"

"Oi oi!" a trio of elves chanted in response.

"You know, that joke is likely way funnier in Japanese or something." Stan commented sourly before pointing to the Krampus. "Anyways, look, lady, we're here because this sporting young man recruited us to get your husband out of dodge."

"Oh, Krampus," Jessica said as she faced Krampus. "Haven't seen you in quite some time. How have you been?"

"Hello again, Jess. I'm doing fine, thank you very much." Krampus answered while trying to be as civil as possible. "I came here with some new friends of mine to help you clear mine and Santa's names."

"Krampus, are you okay, bro?" Haruko asked the Krampus as she noticed his nervous fidgeting. "You're looking a little nervous."

"Oh, don't mind the poor dear. He and Nicholas have a rough past, is all." Jessica replied while putting a hand on the punisher of the naughty's back. "Now, who wants some Christmas dinner? You all must be hungry after such a long trip here!"

"You bet we are!" Mabel replied cheerfully. "Next time we go on an adventure, Jinyu, please pack something other than dates in the car."

"I would've had more," Jinyu said before she angrily turned to Haruko and lowered her shades to glare at her. "but someone had the bright idea of getting the munchies!" The Vespa Woman snickered mischievously while scratching her nose.

--

Later that evening, the Pines family and their friends were seated in a grand dining room to have Christmas dinner with Mrs. Claus, courtesy of some of the finest chefs the North Pole had to offer. Or, more accurately, everyone just stared in shock and awe as Tyrone wolfed down everything he was served while the elves ran ragged, trying to keep such a hungry boy fed.

"Oh my, someone's a very hungry young man." Mrs. Claus chuckled while pouring some gravy on her turkey.

"Hey, you gonna finish that?" Tyrone asked while snatching some food from Gwen's plate.

"Don't mind my son here. He just loves all those shonen manga the kids are into." Dipper chuckled awkwardly as he apologized on Tyrone's behalf. "Though I wouldn't blame him, this food is amazing! My compliments to the chef."

"Gordo would very much appreciate it, Mr. Pines." Jessica replied happily. "He runs a very tight ship. A little too tight, I must say."

--

"BAKO, WHERE ARE THOSE GODDAMN SIDE DISHES?!" the head chef elf Gordo roared furiously at one of his subordinates. "WE CAN'T KEEP SHOVELING FOOD DOWN THAT BRAT'S GULLET FOREVER; WE GOT A WHOLE FAMILY TO FEED!

"They'll be ready in a minute, sir!" Bako answered as he roasted some tater tots in the oven.

"NOT FAST ENOUGH, NOW MOVE YOUR ASS!" Gordo replied angrily before he sniffed something in the air. "Where's the lamb sauce?" he asked before glaring at another elf preparing to serve more turkey. "WHERE'S THE LAMB SAUCE?! THIS TURKEY IS BLOODY RAW!" he screamed in the elf's face. "YOU BLOODY WORTHLESS REINDEER, IT'S STONE COLD! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!"

"Please, sir, I'm just trying my best!" the elf began crying in terror of his angry boss. "I have a wife and kids back home!"

"Well, you should be happy to know you'll see them very soon," Gordo replied in a mockingly polite tone before squeezing the elf's neck to the point of nearly choking him. "Do me a favor. Give me your jacket, AND GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" The elf then completely broke down on the spot and curled up into a ball, sobbing his eyes out. "What a shame. That wife of yours should be disappointed at what a shit chef her husband is."

"Uh, Mr. Gordo, the salad is ready." A third elf nervously said to the boss. "And we're preparing the desserts as we speak."

"Good work Frencho, you won't be getting murdered in your sleep tonight." Gordo calmly thanked Frencho before turning to the other cooking elves. "See, mates, this is what a good chef is like! Why can't you all be more like him?"

"Wait, I won't be what now?" Frencho asked nervously.

--

"So now that we're all sitting down, Mrs. Claus, we'd like to ask you some questions about your husband." Dipper said while putting a notepad on the table and beginning to write on it. "Question number one, has Santa been involved in any illegal activities lately, perhaps pertaining to any war crimes?"

"Oh no, my husband would never do something so foul!" Jessica exclaimed. "Sure, he might've accidentally put names on the nice list who have done things that would make people on the naughty list look nice by comparison, but he's always been a jolly old soul from the day I met him who just wanted to spread love and joy to others."

"Except for me." The Krampus muttered disdainfully, rolling his eyes while taking a bite of stuffing.

"Question two, what was the last thing you remembered happening when Santa was arrested?" Gwen asked with a question of her own while putting on some glasses for no reason other than looking smart.

"That I can definitely answer." Jessica replied. "It was a week before Christmas or so. Santa and I were getting everything ready for the big night when the National Guard came in to arrest my dear based on an anonymous tip from someone who could only describe himself as a big hairy monster." The Krampus sheepishly shrank into his chair. "Afterwards, they had the whole place closed off for investigation, but thankfully, they couldn't find anything to prove Santa was guilty of whatever crimes he was accused of, yet they still insist on executing him anyways."

"Yeah, that's the government for ya." Stan said while the salads were then served. "Anywho, you know anybody who can tell us who could've framed Santa?"

"Hm, I'm not sure if they could tell you exactly, but I'm sure the elves could be of assistance." Jessica explained. "When they're off the clock, you can find them relaxing in the bar they requested we build for them at the workshop." She then pulled out blueprints showing the layout of Santa's estate, with every room from Santa's living quarters to the front desk, the dining hall, the workshop, the reindeer stables, and the bar labeled on the paper.

"Okay, everyone, here's the plan," Dipper said while gesturing to each part of the blueprint. "Haruko, you, Jinyu, Leia, Ezra, and Juan & Jorge will investigate the bar and interrogate the elves. Meanwhile, me, Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, Mabel, and Krampus will look around Santa's office. Ford, you, Stan, Pacifica, Ian, Soos, and Melody shall go to the toy factory. Finally, Wendy, Imelda, Abby, Junior, and Canti will search the reindeer stables. Just make sure not to step in any reindeer poop."

"Hee hee, poo-poo!" Stan Junior giggled.

"Can't get enough of this little gremlin." Krampus giggled while pinching Junior's cheek, feeling his blackened heart warm every time the youngest Ramirez child laughed. "Now, you be a good boy and do not disturb Rudolph and pals. You're going to the stables for a reason."

"Yes, don't you want to see Rudolph's nose up close?" Imelda said to Junior, who babbled in delight.

"Be careful with Rudolph and his pals, children." Jessica advised the youngest Ramirez siblings. "They've been in a bit of a bad mood since Santa was arrested, so try not to make them angry."

"It's okay, we promise." Abby replied with a polite bow.

"A bar for elves." Leia snorted in amusement. "I wonder what cute, silly drinks they serve in there? Hey, does the North Pole have a legal drinking age or something?"

"Uh, Dipper, can I steal you for a moment?" Ford said, looking at Haruko's group before taking Dipper away to talk. "Look, my boy, I think putting those six together might not be the best idea. I'm sure Ezra and Jinyu can handle things fine, but putting Haruko, Leia, and the twins in one group is a disaster in the making!"

"Trust the process, Ford. I know what I'm doing." Dipper smiled before turning to the team. "Okay, everybody, meet back here in half an hour with whatever you find. After all, we only have…." Looking down at his watch, Dipper realized it was now 10:00 pm, meaning they didn't have much time left. "Two hours left till midnight?! Okay, everyone, get moving already! What are we standing around for?! GO, GO, GO!"

Everybody quickly scrambled out of the dining hall for clues about Santa's whereabouts. However, Tyrone promptly returned to help himself to one last bit of dinner.

--

"Hey man, can you hook a brother up with some peppermint Hetap?" an elf asked the bartender within the elves' bar.

"I'm gonna need to see some ID first, sir." The bartender replied before the front door opened, causing everyone to shout "NORMO!" as a rotund elf was tossed into the room.

"Uh, you okay, Normo?" the bartender said before Haruko stomped into the bar.

"Okay, you little gnomes, tell us who framed Santa or Skipbo here is gonna get it!" Haruko yelled while pointing a gun at another elf she held hostage.

"What I believe my sister here is trying to say is that we are here to investigate the arrest of Santa Claus," Jinyu added as she, Leia, Ezra, Juan, and Jorge stepped into the bar while Haruko threw Skipbo away. "We don't mean any harm; this was just our way of getting your attention."

"Wow, they really are like gnomes." Juan muttered in amazement at the elves standing before him. "Oh no, was that racist or something? It's just that I come from Gravity Falls, where there are a ton of gnomes living there."

"Gnomes, you say?" a waitress elf said. "I never had any respect for those gnomes, especially after how Schmebulock broke my heart back in '82!"

"Juan, as your older sister, I calmly advise you to shut the hell up so we don't piss these little guys off any further." Leia tried to keep Juan quiet before turning to the bartender. "Uh, hey, short stuff. Can I call you Malone-o or something?"

"Please, call me Tendo." The bartender said. "You said you wanted to know who framed Santa, huh? Well, unfortunately, I don't think any of us know."

"So we came all the way here for nothing?!" Ezra yelled in frustration as he tried turning to walk away. "What a colossal waste of my time. I could've spent time with my family instead of being led on a wild goose chase where a bunch of dwarves lead us to a dead end!"

All the elves gasped in horror at Ezra's outburst before getting really angry at him. "Oh geez, now look what you did." Jorge said to Ezra.

"What did I say?" Ezra muttered, not knowing what he was in for as the elves closed in on his group.

"You know how dwarf is an offensive term to little humans?" Tendo explained to the teenager. "Well, it's kind of the same with us, only we don't like being called dwarves or gnomes. And buddy, you just made a big mistake."

"My boyfriend insulting a bunch of elves and getting into a barfight with them." Leia smirked as she got into a fighting stance. "Not my idea of a romantic Christmas together, but I'll take what I can get."

"EVERYBODY, ATTACK!" Skipbo said in the back, and things quickly turned into a barroom blitz while the bar's house band switched from Christmas music to The Sweet's "Ballroom Blitz." Ezra made the first counterattack as he charged towards Skipbo and leaped over him with the skill of a gymnast before grabbing the elf by the shoulders and throwing him at a few kegs of eggnog.

"Whoa, Leia, you never told me your squeeze was that kickass!" Haruko exclaimed while bludgeoning elves left and right with her bass.

"Indeed." Ezra confidently replied. "My mother had been altering my genetics since birth to be an improvement of human being. At my current age, my strength, speed, and agility have all been dramatically increased to superhuman levels."

"Your boyfriend is basically Captain America!" Juan said as he and Jorge ducked for cover behind the bar and attacked by throwing cans of peppermint Hetap at the elves.

"He's way cooler than I thought!" Jorge added.

"And so yummy, too." Leia purred amorously, causing Ezra to blush in response.

"Neo salanghaneun babo." Ezra muttered in embarrassment.

"We can talk up Ezra's attractive body later; these elves won't go down without a fight!" Jinyu exclaimed before leaping into the air, revving up her Jazzmaster, and sending Tendo flying with a swing. "Hopefully, this won't turn out like New York."

"You and I remember New York very differently." Haruko replied. As the barfight continued, an aged and wizened elf watched sternly from afar, refusing to join the fight as he had his hand in a snack bowl.

--

"What is going on in there?" Dipper wondered as he overheard the commotion in the elves' tavern while he, Mabel, Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, and the Krampus were led down the hall to Santa's office by Jessica.

"Stanford told you putting those four in one group was a bad idea!" the Krampus declared. "But nobody listened!"

"Now, now, boys, no need to argue." Mrs. Claus said while standing before the large, candy cane-colored door to her husband's quarters. "Here it is, my friends. Nicholas's office." Opening the door, Jessica revealed an immaculate office trimmed with Christmas decorations to Dipper's group. A toasty fireplace was to the gang's right, and to their left was a Christmas tree that never seemed to die, standing next to the fabled naughty and nice lists. And in the back of the room was Santa's desk, where he would receive letters from hopeful children worldwide.

"One second, guys, gonna see which list I'm on!" Tyrone said as he made a mad dash for the nice list to check for his name. To his delight, he could see it between the names 'Tommy Pickles' and 'Toby Tenma.' "Yes, I'm in! And check it out, so are Gwen and Arnold!"

"Hey, I got a question about the lists." Mabel asked Mrs. Claus. "If Santa has the names of every boy and girl who's been naughty or nice, then what about anybody who doesn't identify as either of those?"

"Don't worry, we have a special list for those children." Jessica said with a smile.

"Can we get back on topic here?" Dipper added while the Krampus gazed at the naughty list with a sad, nostalgic smile on his goatlike face. "Hey, now that we have time to talk, what's your beef with Santa anyways? You mentioned earlier that he cast you out for some reason."

"Oh yes, that." Krampus muttered disdainfully. "You see, Santa created me at the beginning of his career to teach the naughty children a lesson and hopefully change their ways. However, my methods were a little more brutal than he expected. But then, seventeen years ago, there was one particular family he thought I crossed the line with."

--

"Don't you realize you could've killed them all?!" Santa Claus yelled angrily at the Krampus after an attempt at enforcing the Christmas spirit had gone horribly wrong. "That poor boy Max just wanted his family to have a nice Christmas together, but you had to go and scar him for life!"

"Stuff and nonsense, Saint Nick, it's not like I killed them!" Krampus tried to argue with the big man. "Why can't you accept that sometimes, you have to resort to drastic measures to keep the spirit of Christmas alive? Besides, the Engel family really gave it their all against me, especially their grandma. I think I remember taking away her parents when she was a little girl."

"That still doesn't justify putting all those people in danger." Santa replied. "And one of them was a baby, for God's sake! She's too young to do anything wrong, yet you thought she was just as guilty!"

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!" Krampus yelled back. "Fine, I don't need you breathing down my neck anymore if this is the thanks I get!" He then picked up his sack of cursed toys and began storming off. "One day, you're going to need me again. I swear it."

"Very well then, my son." Santa stoically replied before turning around in his chair to face the window behind him. "Have a merry Christmas, Krampus."

"Bah humbug." Krampus snarled while flipping Good Saint Nick off as he left his office and marched out of the workshop. That was the last Santa and Krampus would see of each other for nearly twenty years after that.

--

"Jesus." Mabel gasped in shock at the story of Krampus's broken relationship with Santa, while Jessica turned away with a frown.

"Yeah, that's one heck of a bomb to drop." Dipper added, just as shocked. "How's the Engel family doing now?"

"Don't worry, none of them are really dead." Krampus revealed. "The boy was sorry for losing his Christmas spirit, and I let them all off with a warning. I'm still watching over them to this day."

"So, if we lose the Christmas spirit, you could hunt us down, too?" Gwen asked, feeling like her previous feeling of ennui would've made her an easy target before her adventures with Haruko and Jinyu.

"That's basically it, yes." Krampus said with a heavy sigh. "You should've seen those guys, too! Like, the dad, for example, went up against this underground snow monster with only a shotgun to buy his family time to escape!"

"Hey, speaking of which, I wonder how the others are doing." Arnold wondered aloud.

--

"This predicament is lacking its usual cheer, huh? If ya ask me, Santa had it coming." Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer grumbled in a rough, raspy voice while smoking a cigar in Wendy's face. "Big red son of a bitch has been exploiting my disability for almost a century now, and not once did he call out any of the other reindeer for leaving me out of their games just because of my nose!"

"Well, there goes my childhood." Imelda snarked at Rudolph's expense. "But while I sympathize with your plight, that's not what we're here for. Do you remember anything about who really framed Santa?"

"Hell if I know." Rudolph said as he took out his cigar and let out a loud cough. "I'm more occupied with pulling his sleigh and being a good husband to Clarice."

"Cutie, are you going to take out the trash?" Rudolph's wife Clarice called out for her surly husband.

"I'll do it in a bit, sweetheart." Rudolph answered. "These humans just want to know what happened to Santa."

"Well, can you bring them the milk and cookies too?" Clarice added.

"Yes, dear." Rudolph said before turning to Wendy. "You guys want milk and cookies? My darling's cookies are the best."

"I could use a little dessert after our big dinner earlier." Wendy replied when she realized someone was missing. "Oh geez. Canti, have you seen Junior anywhere?" Canti started panicking and raced all over the stables in search of the baby, all while unaware that Stan Junior was crawling around the area to see the other reindeer.

"Hey, is the baby with you?" Donner asked Abby.

"Yep, that's my little brother, all right." Abby replied, watching Canti try fruitlessly to catch up to Junior and getting himself covered in reindeer poop in the process. "He just loves to explore."

--

"Hello, you know who framed Santa?" Soos asked a stuffed bear he picked out of the toys yet to be wrapped and delivered. "No? Alright then, dude, keep your secrets."

"Maybe one of these Good Guy dolls can give us some hints, Dad," Ian said while picking up a red-haired doll wearing a colorful striped shirt and overalls, which gave the young man a sinister look. "Oh no, I think this one might be defective."

"We'll see who's defective once I'm done with you!" the Good Guy doll laughed evilly before brandishing a knife to try attacking Ian with, only to be shoved back in his box and stored away with other Good Guy dolls. As Ian raced away in fright, the doll continued cackling while his box ominously wiggled back and forth.

"Look, guys, hear me out." Stan declared as his group investigated the toy factory. "What if Black Pete framed Santa because he wants revenge for being ignored for so many years?"

"Who's Black Pete?" Melody asked Stan before Ford got in her way.

"An unfortunate racial caricature who was ignored for very good reasons that you are too young to understand." Ford stated hurriedly while turning to face one of the elves walking around with an armful of wrapping paper. "Excuse me, little elf, could you tell us where you were when Santa was arrested?"

"The night Santa was arrested? Heck, if I know, I'm just the guy who does the gift wrapping." The elf proclaimed. "That's why they call me Wrappo."

"Okay, we get it. Your names all have O at the end." Pacifica groaned at the continuous elf names before noticing she was standing in a large, snowy footprint. "Uh, guys? You need to see this."

"Great googly moogly, a clue!" Ford gasped as he started inspecting the footprint before the group. "And how long has this snow gone without melting away?"

"One thing is for certain: the Krampus couldn't possibly have made this footprint," Ian observed the scene. "He's got hooves, and they're nowhere near as big as this!"

"Sweet. Sweet, sweet, sweet." Stan nodded in agreement before putting a ghostly hand on Pacifica's shoulder. "You got a good eye, Paz. Mabel certainly made a good choice!"

"Oh, stop!" Pacifica blushed before pulling out her phone to take a picture of the footprint. "I gotta tell Dipper and Mabel we finally have a lead!"

"That reminds me, I should also probably check up on Leia, Juan, and Jorge, too." Ian said before tapping his phone to check on his little sister and brothers. "Hey guys, we finally found a clue in the toy factory! How are things going on your end?"

"Oh, how are things going?" Leia laughed nervously on the other end. "Well, funny you should mention that."

--

"Mugen, Jin, is that you guys?" a dazed Haruko muttered as the elves tied up her, Jinyu, Ezra, and the Ramirezes. "Don't fight just yet; we still need to look for the sunflower guy!"

"How were they able to overwhelm us this easily?" Jinyu asked before the elves shut her up by shoving a Christmas ham in her mouth.

"That's the thing about us elves. They know no fear or pain. Their biggest asset is strength in numbers." Tendo monologued before the waitress from earlier opened a back door that led into the freezing cold snow outside. "This is what happens when you walk in and decide to start getting racist. You all get the cold shoulder!"

"Hey guys, listen, I apologize on my boyfriend's behalf and would like to know if there's anything we can do to make up for it." Leia asked, laughing nervously and shivering a bit from the sudden burst of cold air. "Please don't make us freeze to death! I still have so much to live for!"

"If I have one thing to say before we're turned into popsicles," Juan declared. "it's that EZRA CHIU IS AN IMBECILE!"

"Shut it, brat!" Ezra yelled back at Juan. "You were just as racist as I was by calling them gnomes!"

"On that note, I have got to learn more about the waitress's past with Schmebulock." Jorge added when he heard a knock at the door.

"What the heck is going on here?!" Dipper yelled as he barged into the elves' bar to see what was happening while the others followed closely behind him.

"Somehow, I figured Juan and Jorge would get into serious trouble." Imelda deadpanned while Canti tried to free Haruko's group.

"So, how did you guys get into this sticky wicket?" Dipper asked.

"I may have called them dwarves because I was sick of how we came all this way only not to find any clues." Ezra answered dourly. "How were things on your end?"

"We found a big footprint in the toy factory!" Soos exclaimed with his arms in the air. "We don't know where it came from, but it definitely didn't come from Krampus."

"Well, good to know that I finally have proof I'm innocent." Krampus smiled in relief. "So where do we go from here?"

"I got this, you guys," Pacifica said before tapping on Canti. "Hey, got anything to plug into my phone with?" Canti nodded in understanding before turning his finger into a USB key that he plugged into Pacifica's phone, allowing the footprint picture she took to appear on his screen so he could scan it. Unfortunately, Canti couldn't conclude who or what the footprint belonged to, much to the heiress turned therapist's dismay. "Dammit!"

"We seem to be missing something, but what?" Jinyu said, taking off her shades and scratching her chin in contemplation. "Who could possibly make a footprint that big?" Suddenly, the group heard a loud, ear-piercing screeching sound as they turned to discover a grizzled elf covered in scars, holding a toothpick in his mouth, and wearing an eyepatch who was holding a chalkboard that he scratched his fingernails against.

"You know me, know how I earn a living." The elf introduced himself to the party. "My name be Uno, the first of Santa Claus's little helpers. He and I go way back when he was but an ordinary man of the cloth known as Saint Nicholas Christopher Kringle." As Uno got up from his seat, he walked with a noticeable limp in his step, his body seeming like it had tons of stories to tell. "I know for a fact that Nick is innocent, so I shall help ye catch this beast, but it ain't gonna be easy."

"Was he sitting there this whole time?" Dipper asked. "What do you know about whatever we're up against?"

"Would you care to show me that photo?" Uno asked, and Canti nodded again before presenting Pacifica's photo to the elf, making his little eyes widen in horror. "No, it cannae be!" he yelled while dropping to the floor in shock. "That's not true! That's impossible!"

"What's wrong, little man?" Melody asked before Uno jumped up on her chest and grabbed her by the neck.

"You see little lady; this is no ordinary beast we be up against!" Uno declared. "This is an ancient enemy of Santa Claus thought to have been sealed away seventy-five years ago, but now he has risen again to exact revenge!"

"Who, who is it?" Haruko asked, her face blue with shock and horror.

"His name is impossible to pronounce without going insane," Uno answered while making overdramatic hand gestures. "but if I had to describe this mean one in three words, it would be stink, stank, stunk! This horror was once sealed away in the darkest, coldest depths of the place where Santa keeps all his spare coal! That is right, this creature resides in the SOOOOOOUTH POOOOOOLE!" Juan pulled out his soundboard app to play the sound of cracking thunder while a broken lightbulb exploded like a lightning bolt for extra dramatic emphasis.

"The South Pole?" Mabel asked. "Sounds fun!"

"Prepare to be surprised." Uno declared with a smirk.

"But that's on the other side of the world!" Dipper exclaimed before looking at a nearby clock broken from the prior barfight and gasped. "And we only have an hour left till midnight! Is there any way we can get there in time?!"

"Unfortunately, Dipper, my car is low on gas from the trip here," Jinyu said bluntly. "And I don't think Raharu can carry all of us on her Vespa."

"I got an idea!" Tyrone cried. "Why don't we take Santa's sleigh? That thing can travel around the world in one night to deliver presents, so what's the harm in using that to get to the South Pole?"

"Oh right, that." Jessica nervously said. "The government repossessed the sleigh after Nicholas was arrested, so we might be out of luck if we didn't have alternatives. Uno, if you please."

"With pleasure, Jess." Uno said with a toothy grin before pulling down a projector screen and displaying photos of an immaculate yacht and an equally refined private jet. "Before I start, let me ask you a question. What do you think Santa does on all the other eleven months of every year?" Soos raised his hand. "You in the back?"

"He gets everything ready for next Christmas?" Soos asked.

"No! Well, not quite." Uno answered. "He spends the other eleven months traveling in style aboard his private jet, the Red Nose, and his personal yacht, the S.S. Twelve Days. That is how he knows who's been naughty or nice, and they're both fueled by pure, concentrated Christmas joy that allows them to move at speeds that only the fastest land and sea vehicles could dream of achieving. Now then, which one do you fancy?"

A few pregnant moments of silence passed as the crew debated over whether to take the Red Nose or the Twelve Days to the South Pole. Krampus was the first to speak up after about a minute. "Taking the Red Nose, bye guys!" The Pines family and friends, now joined by Mrs. Claus and Uno, all raced to the yacht without hesitation and sailed to the South Pole.

--

"WHOO, CHRISTMAS POOL PARTY!" Tyrone shrieked delightedly as he raced towards the Twelve Days' swimming pool. "LAST ONE IN IS A LUMP OF COAL!" As the team expected, the Twelve Days was roaring through the oceans with Mrs. Claus as the captain and Christmas joy as fuel, meaning they'd be at the South Pole with time to spare.

"Hey, wait for me, you guys!" Arnold panted while trying to catch up to Tyrone, Juan, and Jorge and put on his water wings at the same time. "You have no idea how long it took to blow these up."

"You are literally ten, and you still wear water wings." Juan chuckled snidely before grabbing Arnold by the hips and throwing him into the pool. "Come on, man, didn't you learn to be more confident in yourself?!"

"AUGH!" Arnold wailed as he made a splash landing, getting water on Gwen, who was sunbathing on an air bed. "Oh, sorry, Gwen. Didn't see you there."

"Didn't realize Juan could throw people that far." Gwen giggled, looking towards some of the adults relaxing by the pool. Haruko laid back while drinking some peppermint schnapps, Jinyu rocked Stan Jr. to sleep, Dipper was writing in his journal about their Christmas adventure thus far, Mabel and Abby were trying to converse with a whale, Ezra was playing chess with Imelda, Canti was serving as the lifeguard, and the Krampus was also drinking peppermint schnapps while telling a story to Stan and Ford.

"And that was the end of my brief fling with Jingle Belle Claus." Krampus declared, a little tipsy from how much he drank while wearing a cheesy Hawaiian shirt decorated with holly, ornaments and sleigh bells. "I mean, come to think of it, I was technically her brother via being created by Santa, so Jingle had every right to let me down easy." He let out a loud burp before continuing. "So Stan, tell me more about that Marilyn lady you met in Vegas."

"Oh, that Marilyn, what a fox," Stan said dreamily while reminiscing on one of his many flings. "We may have been married for about six hours before she ran off with my car and all my money, but I wouldn't trade those hours for the world. Gorgeous long hair, a flagrant disrespect for authority, and a real love for causing mischief and selling junk. However, I did hear her say something about a curse under her breath. Maybe she had some kinda terminal disease, I dunno."

"You have bizarre tastes in women, Stanley." Jinyu declared.

"Oh please, you have not seen a strange taste in women until you've met me!" Ford bragged. "In my traversal across the multiverse, I spent time in a little town called Sunnydale where I became an ally to a young woman and her friends tasked with defending the town against the forces of darkness." As Ford continued talking, he began blushing with embarrassment at the memory. "However, I soon became smitten with a vampire they were supposed to kill, and things got really awkward between us. I can still remember Rupert's reaction to my affair."

Just then, Ford's awkward story was interrupted by Haruko bursting out of her chair and diving into the pool to join Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, Ian, Leia, Juan, and Jorge in some pooltime fun. "Hey, come on in, guys! The water's fine!"

"We're gonna play volleyball, boys versus girls." Gwen said while holding a volleyball in her hands. "Hey, Jinyu. Would you like to join my team?"

"I'd be down to play." Jinyu said, putting Junior down and giving him her shades before joining Gwen, Leia, and Haruko in the pool. "Looks like we're a woman short."

"Hey guys, having fun out here?" Wendy called as she and Pacifica walked out onto the pool deck in their bathing suits, immediately catching everyone's eye. Dipper stumbled out of his chair at the sight of Wendy's toned & muscular body in that red one-piece from their brief stints as lifeguards at the Gravity Falls pool, while Mabel nearly fell overboard when she got a look at her curvy blonde wife in a diamond-encrusted bikini, only to be saved at the last moment by Abby. "Aw sweet, volleyball! Mind if I join?"

"Muscle mommy and thicc MILF, please suffocate me." Haruko muttered lustfully before regaining her composure. "I mean, sure! We're doing 5v5, boys vs girls!"

"You have fun with the kids, Wendy. I'm going to see if Mabel hasn't fallen overboard and then work on my tan." Pacifica said as she strutted towards her wife, leaving Dipper's redheaded lover to dive in and join the girls in their volleyball game against the boys.

"SPIKE!" Leia yelled as she leaped up and served the ball to make it fly towards Arnold.

"Come on, Arnie, block it!" Tyrone called out, forcing Arnold to think fast. He did his best pass, making it bounce over to Haruko.

"So, how much longer until we reach the South Pole?" Dipper asked as he got back up and sat in his deck chair to watch the volleyball game.

"Not very long, I think." Krampus replied, still a little drunk from his peppermint schnapps. "We should probably get everyone inside and bundled up once we get closer."

"Krampus, I think you might need to lay off the schnapps. I don't think you can hold your liquor." Stan tried imploring the Krampus to put down his alcohol. "Seriously, even I wasn't this easily hungover when I was alive."

"What are you, my dad?" Krampus slurred before he went wall-eyed and fell flat on his face. Above the party at the pool, Jessica, Soos, and Melody laughed at Krampus's drunken state before Uno entered the cockpit.

"Mrs. Claus, permission to speak?" Uno asked with a salute.

"Permission granted, Uno." Jessica replied while saluting back. "What do you want to say?"

"We should be nearing the South Pole any moment now." Uno said while examining a map he pulled from his pockets. "Best get our passengers inside when it starts getting colder."

"Aw, but they look like they're having so much fun." Soos moaned in dismay while watching the volleyball game from above, where Canti was now keeping score between the two teams.

"Soos, we'll soon be entering the coldest place on Earth, other than Chicago," Melody said as the girls' team scored more points. "I'm having a fun time on this voyage, too, but I got a feeling a storm might be coming." In the distance, Melody could faintly see a wicked snowstorm brewing at the South Pole, signifying they were getting close.

--

Eventually, however, as the Twelve Days approached the South Pole, everyone had to go inside and change from their swimwear to warmer clothes to survive the frigid weather. While Canti was serving the kids hot cocoa, Tyrone tried to strike up a conversation. "So guys, what kinda anime do you like watching? I'm always a shonen guy myself, and I want to be best friends with Goku so we can train and eat together all the time."

"That's cute, Ty, but I'm more of the psychological girl myself." Gwen stated while sipping her cocoa. "Lain, Evangelion, Ghost in the Shell, Madoka Magica, all of that. How about you, Arnold?"

"I'm more prone to the kinds of anime that have a calming effect on me." Arnold answered with a dead serious look on his face. "I would commit so many crimes against humanity for Komi-san and Sawako's happiness."

"Whoa, settle down there!" Ian laughed at how protective Arnold was of a pair of fictional characters. "I don't think either of them would appreciate going to such drastic measures. Anyways, Leia and I are always up for a good mecha anime, especially those that go full ham and have some fun with the big robot fights."

"Just who the hell do you think I am?!" Leia declared, pointing up to the sky with a dramatic pose, causing everyone to laugh.

"Juan and I are partial to isekai, mostly so that we can laugh at all the cliches we can find." Juan said, leaning back with his arms folded behind his head.

"How often can a generic fantasy world use RPG game mechanics?" Jorge added. "And don't even get me started on the harem fantasies!"

"I've been getting Abby hooked on magical girl anime." Imelda stated. "So far, we're already halfway through Sailor Moon, and she's just gotten started on Cardcaptor Sakura." She then leaned in to whisper something into Gwen's ear. "I don't think she's ready for Madoka yet."

"Gotcha." Gwen nodded quietly.

"I like Venus!" Abby said, unaware of what the older girls were saying.

"What about you, Ezra? What are your favorite anime?" Gwen asked Ezra, who was trying his best to look aloof as always. "Ezra, are you there?"

"I like sports and science fiction anime. That's it, no need to get me involved." Ezra said before he looked around and pulled out his phone to admire a picture he had saved of a busty anime woman with blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a purple one-piece. "No one will ever understand you like I do, Kusakai-sama."

"Hey Ez, whatcha looking at?" Leia asked while looking over her boyfriend's shoulder, making the young man scream in fright while trying to hide his phone.

"It's nothing, I swear! Mind your own business!" an embarrassed Ezra yelled before Leia took his phone to look at the picture. "Give that back!"

"OMG, is that me as an anime girl?!" Leia laughed before showing the picture to the others. "Hey guys, check this out!"

"Wow, she looks a lot like Leia, only a little more well-endowed." Ian declared, causing his sister to blush in embarrassment while the other kids laughed.

"Hey, Keijo is an underrated gem that's far more sophisticated than you think it is!" Ezra exclaimed as he tried getting his phone back from Leia. A few tables away, the adults, along with Haruko, Jinyu, Krampus, Jessica, and Uno, were all sitting together with hot chocolate of their own while watching the kids have some fun at Ezra's expense.

"Those kiddos seem to be having the time of their life." Uno growled while taking a swig of cocoa. "How long have they all known each other?"

"Melody and I are practically Gwen, Tyrone, and Arnold's godparents because we're so close with the Pines." Soos explained to Uno. "As for Ezra, Leia's had a crush on him since the end of middle school."

"Hey, I got a question to ask myself." Dipper added while gesturing to Uno's eyepatch. "What's with the eyepatch? Did you really lose an eye, or is it your way of looking tough and rugged?"

"For your information, boy, this was a battle scar from one Christmas night gone horribly wrong." Uno explained, flipping up his eyepatch to reveal that the eyelid was completely sewn shut to indicate that he did indeed lose an eye. "It was December 1941. America had just entered the great war against the Nazis after Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor. During our yearly trip around the world, Santa stopped in Berlin to deliver their presents. But unfortunately, he chose the worst possible time to make his rounds."

Uno paused for a moment to take another sip of hot chocolate. "Hitler's forces were doing their nightly patrols when they found us, confusing us for runaway Jews just because we weren't anything like the average man. They were like sharks, y'see. Sometimes a shark, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y'know the thing about a shark, he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya. We tried begging them to allow us to leave peacefully, but there was no soul in those eyes of theirs as they took aim and started firing at us. Not everybody made it out alive. Oh, poor Newbo. 'Tis his first day on the job, and his life was taken right before me eyes. I could still hear him tell me to run as he died from the gunshot."

As Uno's story continued, everyone was enamored with the elf's passionate manner of speaking as he reminisced on the deadliest day of his life. "Santa, outraged that someone could go beyond the definition of naughty, beat all those armbanders within an inch of their lives. Not all the elves made it out alive, though. I was one of the lucky ones, as I decided to swim for my life and was found a few days later on the USS Indianapolis by a kindly fellow named Quint. Some of them were shot to death. Others were taken away to probably be gassed. Since then, whenever Santa visited a country during a war on Christmas, he took extra precautions to ensure that no other elf would die again." After a long, heavy sigh, Uno took another sip of cocoa. "Anyways, that's how I got the eyepatch."

"Yes, very enticing story." The Krampus said before getting up from the table. "Anyways, I'll be outside looking out for the South Pole if anyone needs me."

"Good idea, Krampus." Jinyu said as she and Haruko followed. "We'll be back to tell everyone when we're about to come ashore."

As the trio left, Dipper wondered why the Krampus wasn't so interested in Uno's war story. And naturally, this made him very curious. "I'll be back in a bit, guys. Keep my hot chocolate warm for me." He said before leaving the table to investigate.

--

"Lovely night we're having, huh?" Krampus asked as he, Haruko, and Jinyu looked together at the night sky while leaning on the ship's railing. Krampus had finished the last of his cocoa while Jinyu took a smoke of her cigarette before throwing it behind her. "Hey guys, was there ever a time when you were believed to be a big, scary monster that everyone should fear?"

"Oh, totally." Haruko answered. "My time with the Pines wasn't always berries and cream. When I first met them, I became besties with Stan and hung around with the twins so they could help me find the Pirate King. But when they got wise to what I was doing, they treated me like a pariah for years afterward. Heck, even when I came back to Gravity Falls twenty years later to do it all again with Dipper's kids, Stan still hated my guts enough that it killed him!"

"Wait, seriously?" the Krampus gasped.

"No lie." Jinyu added, confirming what Haruko had just said. "I should know; I'm literally half of her given physical form after an encounter with Atomsk gone wrong."

"Huh, didn't know that." Krampus stated in deep thought while Dipper hid in the distance to spy on the trio. "What I'm trying to say is that I have spent literal centuries as the thing that sees children when they're sleeping and knows when they've been bad, so I could traumatize them into behaving when I'm far more complex than that! For example, I'm quite fond of craft brewing, trashy reality shows, old film noirs, Zumba, and reading anime fanfiction."

"The Krampus likes anime fanfiction?" Dipper whispered in utter disbelief of what he just heard. "That is definitely something I just said that no one else has ever said."

"I can relate to that, Krampus." Jinyu replied. "As half of Haruko, it's my duty to serve as her moral compass and keep her from going too far in our search for Atomsk, but after being absorbed by her-"

"Weh?" Krampus interrupted.

"Long story." Jinyu stated before getting back on track without missing a beat. "I sometimes felt like I had no identity of my own."

"Whoa, never knew you felt that way, Jinyu." Haruko muttered in surprise before putting a hand on Jinyu's shoulder. "And this has been going on ever since I ate you?"

"Indeed." Jinyu replied with a nod. "During our travels together, I have been trying to expand my interests, though. In the five months since we last saw the Pines family, I've developed an interest in coffee, yoga, opera singing, jewelry making, archaeology, and basketball."

"You should've seen her cheer for the Harlem Globetrotters." Haruko laughed while flicking Jinyu's nose. "She was absolutely losing it." Jinyu began blushing in embarrassment at her sister's joke. "I even got it on video! Wanna see?"

"Don't." Jinyu coldly interrupted the Vespa Woman while Krampus laughed at her expense.

"Wow, who would've guessed I'd share something in common with you two?" Krampus realized with a smile before sniffing something behind him. "You know we can see you there, Dipper! You've been spying on us, haven't you?"

"No, I haven't!" Dipper nervously said as he tried to cover up his eavesdropping. "By the way, I didn't realize you liked anime fanfiction, Krampus."

"LAND HO! LAND HO!" Uno yelled out for everyone across the yacht to hear. "EVERYONE, WE'VE FINALLY REACHED THE SOUTH POLE!"

"It's about time!" Gwen exclaimed as everyone raced outside to see the South Pole growing ever so closer while the Twelve Days began trawling along the thick ice. "This is it, everyone. This has got to be where Santa's old enemy lives. We all need to be on our guard."

"And bundle up something fierce too!" Mrs. Claus added while breaking out more warm clothing for everyone to wear. "The South Pole is unbelievably cold, so I don't want anyone freezing to death, especially the youngins among you."

"Freezy!" Stan Junior agreed with Jessica while being dressed in an extra warm snowsuit.

"That settles it, everyone. Get bundled up and let's hit the road!" Dipper commanded the team. As everybody went back inside to get dressed for the long journey ahead, Dipper briefly examined his watch to check how much time was left. To his relief, the Twelve Days' Christmas cheer-powered voyage only took thirty minutes, which meant they still had time to spare to prove Santa's innocence. "So, identity crisis, huh?"

"Indeed," Jinyu responded quietly. "Although I am happy to be called Raharu's sister, it saddens me to think that at some point in time, we will have to become one being again in our pursuit of Atomsk, and it scares me a little. I haven't known you and your family long, Dipper, but I feel like I've become a Pines myself."

"Hey," Dipper said while putting an arm around Jinyu and hugging her. "don't let the future scare you so much. Just focus on the here and now. It's what Mabel and I had to learn when we were kids, and I think you could really use it yourself."

"Thank you, Dipper. Or should I say Takkun?" With a sly smirk, Jinyu gave Dipper a quick kiss on the cheek before going back inside the yacht, leaving the mystery solver just as frozen as the South Pole in alarm. Guess there is still some parts of Haruko that carried over to Jinyu after all.

--

Once they were all bundled up and ready for the journey ahead, the Pines-Corduroy-Northwests, the Ramirezes, the Vespa Twins, Ezra, Canti, the Krampus, Jessica, and Uno left the Twelve Days behind as they braved the unbearable cold together. "Wow, they weren't kidding when they said the South Pole was the coldest place on Earth." Arnold said as he began shivering from the chilly winds blowing on his face with only a lantern to keep him warm. "Other than Chicago, that is."

"Really wish we had the time to make snow angels or have a snowball fight." Haruko replied while turning literally blue in the face.

"We can have some fun in the snow later, guys." Ford stated. "Right now, we need to find where this creature lies and slay and/or pacify him. Uno, what are your thoughts?"

"My thoughts? Oh, I'll give you my thoughts!" Uno declared while lighting a match under his chin to illuminate his face. "Last I recall, this heathen dwells within a mountain where his only company is a three-headed beast akin to Cerberus tasked with keeping him from getting out. However, it would take ages to find this mountain."

"Maybe this dude knows where the mountain is." Soos said, pointing his thumb over to a giant mound of white fur taking a nap in the snow, its pelt making it blend in easily with the environment. "Hey, you know where we can find a mountain?!" The mound began rumbling as it revealed itself to be a giant abominable snowman who slowly got up and glared at Soos for disturbing his nap. "I have made a huge mistake."

"Don't worry, guys; maybe this guy just needs a dentist." Mabel laughed nervously at the yeti standing before them.

"Mabel, I don't think this is anything like the specials." Dipper muttered in horror before the snow monster let out a beastly roar. "EVERYBODY, RUN!" The team immediately began running for the hills as the abominable snowman chased them around the South Pole, but they soon found out that the beast should be the least of their worries.

"REINDEER WITH RABIES!" Mabel shrieked as the family started running from infected herds of reindeer.

"So that's what happened to Flossie and Glossie." Uno muttered as he recognized a few of the reindeer among the herd.

"MUTANT ELKS!" Stan yelled while being chased by mutated elks. "They're basically the same as the reindeer with rabies, only even more dangerous!"

"KILLER MISFIT TOYS!" Haruko yelled as her leg was trapped by a deranged jack-in-the-box holding a knife. "They are nowhere near as cute as the ones Rudolph met! Save me, King Moonracer!" Using a pocketknife, Uno saved Haruko in the nick of time by cutting the jack in the box from its spring before stabbing the doll in the face. "Not what I expected, but thank you!"

"What is this, the place where Santa dumps all the stuff that would be too dangerous for anyone to handle?" Gwen asked while fighting back against a rampaging spotted elephant.

"I don't know because that doll over there looks pretty normal." Tyrone said, pointing towards what he assumed was an ordinary doll that stared deeply into his soul. "I don't like how she's looking at me, though."

"Give me your soul, and I shall give you all you desire." The doll offered Tyrone in an eerie voice and stuck its plush hand out. Just when it seemed like Tyrone would be tempted to accept the doll's offer, he instead screamed and ran for the hills.

"We're getting nowhere at this rate!" Tyrone yelled as he, his cousins, Juan, and Jorge ran for cover. "Anything we can do to distract them?!"

"Wait, I think I have an idea!" Juan said before turning to Jorge. "Jorge, hand me a radio! I've been wanting to do this for ages now."

"What did you want to do?" Tyrone asked before Jorge handed his brother a radio to play as Juan began skimming through channels before finding the right one.

"Hey hey hey, it's the Deathly Pallor, coming at you on numbitty 902, WA3D FM, "The Sturge!" the obnoxious radio host announced. "Coming up next, we got some hot cheesy Christmas music comin' at you from DOUBLE-OH BALLYHOO!" Just then, a bit of that exact music played on the station.

"I DON'T WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS, THERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEED! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE!" the familiar voice of Mariah Carey blared, causing the yeti, the rabies-infected reindeer, the mutated elks, and the killer misfit toys to cringe from how obnoxiously catchy the song was. "I JUST WANT YOU FOR MY OWN, MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW! MAKE MY WISH COME TRUE! ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!"

"Really, you chose that song?!" Krampus grumbled while covering his ears and resisting the urge to sing along.

"I always wanted to do that!" Juan said proudly while dropping the radio in the snow.

"And I should start pledging more to our radio stations soon." Jorge added in utter bewilderment. "They're really getting desperate."

"That should buy us enough time to escape." Mrs. Claus said as she realized something before she started running, motioning for the group to follow her. "Come along, everyone, I know the way!"

--

Once everyone got far away enough from the onslaught of abominable snowmen, misfit toys, and deranged reindeer herds, Jessica took the lead as she guided the group toward their destination. Climbing up an icy mountain covered in snow, the team tried their best not to slip and fall from the mountainside as they walked on the ice-covered path to the real culprit behind the war crimes Santa was framed for.

"Here it is, the home to the beast that Santa sealed away decades ago," Jessica announced. "I should've known that fiend was plotting his revenge the moment Uno said he was in the South Pole."

"Yes, finally!" The Krampus muttered eagerly. "Once we find the guy behind this, we can clear Santa's name, and I'll be home free!"

"Hey guys, check out the cave!" Tyrone shouted as he raced up the mountain path towards a nearby cave at the end. Gazing deep into its dark abyss, Tyrone gazed at it in wonder before shouting "COOL!", his exclamation echoing through the depths and creating a faint quaking sound. "COOL!" he cried louder. "Hey guys, this cave is really deep!"

"Let's see how deep." Dipper added before taking a coin out of his pocket and throwing it into the deep cave. He didn't even hear it land. "Yep, pretty deep."

"This is it, everyone, the point of no return." Soos declared. "Would you like to save your game before proceeding to the final boss?"

"Enough video game lingo, Soos, let's save Christmas already!" Stan exclaimed before the group prepared to enter the cave when Gwen and Tyrone decided to ask a question.

"Uh, Mrs. Claus, before we go, I must ask." Gwen asked Jessica. "What are we in for? How evil is this monster?"

"Is he any eviler than those jerks online who bully people for liking cartoons they hate?" Tyrone added.

"Oh, far eviler than that," Jessica answered. "It took a special ritual to keep this atrocity locked away for decades, but I fear it must've been broken. If we aren't careful, this could be our very last Christmas."

The Pines siblings looked at each other in fear before they held hands to stay close together, walking into the cave with their friends and the grownups to see numerous messages carved into the walls.

"TURN BACK!"

"HE'S A MEAN ONE!"

"ABANDON ALL HOPE!"

"TURN BACK NOW!"

"WE DIDN'T STUTTER YOU MORONS!"

"SERIOUSLY, TURN BACK OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!"

"YOU'RE STILL NOT LISTENING? FINE, GO AND DIE THEN, DUMBASS. BUT DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU."

"Sheesh, we get it already. No need to be so mean." Tyrone muttered at the foreboding messages. "You big jerk." He then discovered another message that said, "I HEARD THAT!"

"Why do I get the feeling that someone else was here before?" Haruko wondered as she examined the carvings. "I mean, how else could these even be he-REEEE!" She shrieked in horror at a decaying skeleton half-hidden in a snowman before jumping into Jinyu's arms to feel protected. "Save me, onee-sama!"

"Haruko, that man died long ago. He won't hurt you." Jinyu said before letting Haruko go and putting her hands on her shoulders. "Nothing will hurt us so long as I'm around. I promise you."

"Wow, someone's going all in on the big sister role." Haruko grinned sweetly before she saw Jinyu's eyes widen in shock at something emerging behind her. "Do I even need to ask if there's something right behind me?"

The beast let out a mighty roar, causing the Vespa Twins to reflexively brandish their guitars while Dipper shined a light into the creature's face, revealing that he was a giant three-headed dog with a reindeer horn on each head. By his side was a yeti-like beast with dirty green fur, pale pink eyes, and a sinister smile that belied a wonderful, awful mind.

"Heel, Max, heel!" the green yeti said while yanking on the chain he held the Cerberus-like beast by. "So, it seems that we have some interlopers in our lair. Let me guess, you're out to save Christmas?"

"That sounds like a pretty fair assessment." Dipper nodded as he slowly recognized the creature before them.

"More or less, I guess," Ford added.

"That sounds awesome, let's do that!" Mabel exclaimed.

"I'm open to the concept." Stan declared.

"I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT WE WERE HERE FOR, COME ON YOU GUYS!" Krampus complained. "So, you must be the one who framed me for framing Santa, aren't you, Grinch?"

"Wait, that's the Grinch?!" Ian shouted in alarm at the creature's true identity. "Kinda thought he'd sound more like Boris Karloff or Jim Carrey or Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Ah, I see you're aware of all those mockeries of my name." the Grinch snorted in disgust. "As you can clearly see, I am nothing like those cartoons. I'm an ancient being who thrives on despair and naughtiness, sealed away for decades by that accursed Santa! But now that I have used my Santa shadows to frame him and doomed the old man to die, I will soon be free to smite the Earth!"

"Wait, mockeries?" Mabel asked. "Is he saying the book was based on him?"

"Indeed, lass." Uno declared. "In fact, all the classic children's authors use their writing as a cover for their true occupations as members of an ancient cabal of demon hunters tasked with defending the world from the forces of darkness! And it's not just Dr. Seuss either. Lewis Carroll, Maurice Sendak, Ursula LeGuin, even J.K. Rowling were members once upon a time!"

"Wait, what happened to Rowling?" Ford wondered.

"If you've been online over the past couple of years, you'd know what." Uno said while reaching into his pocket and pulling out a candy cane sword. "Now, if ye excuse me, I'm going to settle the score and finish what Santa & Geisel started!"

"No, Uno, don't be a hero!" Jessica cried as the first of Santa's elves charged into battle against the Grinch's guard dog and jumped up to stab it in one of its eyes. While Uno successfully blinded one of the Cerberus-like beast's heads, he failed to account for the other two heads, grabbing and flinging him around like a doggy toy.

"No, not Uno!" Leia cried as the rest of the gang couldn't bear to watch their friend get torn to shreds. "What else can we do?!"

"Wait, I think I got an idea!" Ezra exclaimed as he reached behind his back to reveal a treat he intended to give the Pines earlier. See? There's that fruitcake again! Ezra threw the fruitcake as far as he could at the guard dog, momentarily distracting all three of its heads as they immediately began gnashing at the flying fruitcake while the injured Uno was dropped to the icy floor.

"Uno!" everybody else yelled as they raced to the elf's side as he slowly passed out from his injuries.

"Oh no, please speak to us, dear!" Jessica cried while holding Uno in her arms. "Someone please tell me he's alright!"

Juan waved a hand over Uno's frozen face. "He's dead." Everyone gasped in horror as they began to mourn Uno's death.

"It should've been me, not him." Krampus said despairingly while dropping to his knees. "IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"I'M NOT DEAD YOU IDIOTS!" Uno screamed as he woke up in Mrs. Claus's arms. "I'm just too old for this shit anymore."

"Your attempt at a sacrifice was admirable, elf," the Grinch bellowed as he rose to confront the team with his guard dog, now finished with Ezra's fruitcake, by his side. "but it ultimately meant nothing. Once I kill you all and escape this prison, I will condemn this world to eternal freezing darkness!"

"Well, this has quite literally become the worst Christmas we've ever had." Haruko declared. "Someone, please help us!"

--

If there was anything on Nicholas Christopher Kringle's mind as he was walked down the hall towards the electric chair by a pair of prison guards, it's that he lived his life with no regrets. Once known as simply Saint Nicholas, the man who would become Santa Claus began his gift-giving tradition in fourth-century Greece before being noticed by an elf who called himself Uno, who gave Nicholas the idea of spreading joy to the rest of the world. From then on, Nicholas developed his Santa Claus persona and provided a home to Uno's kind in exchange for working for him, later marrying a kindly schoolteacher named Jessica and turning her into Mrs. Claus. It seemed like Santa's incredibly long life was perfect, but it was all about to come to an end tonight, and on the first stroke of midnight on Christmas morning, no less.

"Look, Mr. Claus, I really hate that you're gonna die, but I can't just bend the rules to let you out, y'know." One of the guards escorting Santa apologized to the spirit of Christmas. "Who knows? Maybe the kids of the world will still get their presents somehow."

"I have long since made peace with that." Santa declared grimly. "I'm just thinking more about how many people I didn't get to say goodbye to." Suddenly, he began hearing a cry for help from miles upon miles away, almost like someone was in danger. "My Santa Sense is tingling!"

"Someone please help us!" the voice of a young woman called out for a hero in the bleakest of times.

"Do not worry, young lady, I'm coming!" Santa yelled as he burst from the guards' restraints, broke the handcuffs holding him into pieces, and raced past the spirited group of kids adventuring to save him while ripping open his prison attire to reveal his signature red and white suit underneath. "SANTA CLAUS AWAY!"

With a mighty spring in his step, Santa burst through the prison roof and soared through the air toward the South Pole, leaving the two guards in the dust. "The prisoner is getting away, someone stop him!" the first guard yelled, but nobody did a thing much to his chagrin. "Dammit, Lawrence!"

"Shut up, Nick, it's Christmas!" Lawrence told his coworker.

"We're going to lose our jobs for this." Nick moaned in defeat.

--

"I can't believe it. We're going to spend Christmas getting killed by the Grinch." Tyrone declared as the Grinch and his guard dog loomed over the group. "Since we're all gonna die soon, there's one horrible secret I must share with you all. I do not care for Hinata."

"What?!" Jorge gasped in anger.

"Do not care for Hinata." Tyrone reiterated to make his point clearer.

"How can you even say that? She's a beautiful cinnamon roll!" Juan exclaimed. "She's too pure for this world!"

"And that's exactly why I don't care for her!" Tyrone declared. "People only like her because she's a cute, shy girl with huge honkers. Now Sakura, there's someone with actual personality beyond just looking good, yet everyone hates her because she's mean to Naruto! Newsflash: everyone was mean to Naruto! Is she always singled out because of her gender?!"

"What makes you think this has anything to do with gender?" Juan asked.

"It's called double standards!" Tyrone proclaimed, much to everyone's annoyance. Even the Grinch was getting tired of his time being wasted.

"I can't believe we're having this discussion." Imelda spoke for everyone in the Grinch's cave.

"Indeed. Your childish banter is amusing but will not save you at all." The Grinch agreed with Imelda before raising his giant foot to stomp everyone into paste. "Now, prepare for this to be your last Christmas!"

"I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of all the kids." The faint voice of Rick Derringer sang as the Grinch sensed an old foe coming his way. "I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of every girl and boy!"

Santa crashed between the Pines family and the Grinch in a three-point landing that shook the entire mountain and created a cloud of icy dust to surround him as he made his debut. "With my bag full of presents, down the chimney I slide. You better watch out, you better not cry." The song boasted. "I'm gonna deck the halls with boughs of holly, I'm the holiday symbol of jolly."

"You!" the Grinch yelled in shock.

"You!" the Krampus added.

"Me!" Santa exclaimed while flexing his muscles.

"Santa Claus is Hulk Hogan?" Dipper, Gwen, Jinyu, Ford, Arnold, Ian, Melody, Pacifica, Imelda, and Ezra all asked in surprise.

"Santa Claus is Hulk Hogan!" Mabel, Tyrone, Haruko, Stan, Leia, Juan, Jorge, Abby, Soos, and Wendy all cheered excitedly.

"That's right, brother, everything will be alright!" Santa Claus declared as he made his triumphant entrance. "Why? Because I am here!" He then turned to the Grinch with a defiant grin and pointed a finger at the beast. "And let me tell ya something, brother! Whatcha gonna do when Santa Claus decks the halls all over you?!"

"Santa Claus. We meet again, my old nemesis, for the last time!" the Grinch retorted. "But you are too late! Christmas is over, and the world shall be mine to rule!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it, jack!" Santa roared while preparing a mighty punch. "JINGLE BELL ROCK!" The punch connected, aiming straight at the Grinch's groin and causing him to rocket hundreds of feet into the air as the song continued. "I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of all the kids. I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of every girl and boy!"

"Honey, you're alright!" Jessica cried as she raced into her husband's arms to welcome him back. "I was so worried!"

"It's okay, sweetheart. Looks like you were holdin' down the fort just fine." Santa replied with a toothy smile while offhandedly smacking Max into a wall before looking at the Pines family and friends. "And remember, Santamaniacs, always be nice and true to yourselves!"

"Can I sit on your lap later?" Tyrone asked in awe of Good Saint Nick's sheer awesomeness. "You're even more badass in person than I thought you would be!"

"Anything for a good little boy like you, brother. Ho ho ho!" Santa let out his trademark laugh as he discovered the Grinch returning to the Earth with a ferocious roar. "Looks like that seasick crocodile ain't down for the count yet. If we stop him together, you're all on this year's nice list!"

"Canti, bat me!" Dipper exclaimed, ordering Canti to spit out the Gibson Flying V and 1967 model Mustang to give to him and Gwen. "We should really get you a guitar of your own, Gwen."

"You'll be surprised what I got you for Christmas." Haruko smirked before jumping up and swinging her Rickenbacker into the Grinch's face. "You want some, Grinchy?! Come and get some!"

"FOR CHRISTMAS!" Mabel yelled as Dipper, Gwen, Jinyu, Krampus, and Canti leaped into direct action against the Grinch while everyone else handled his guard dog.

"I'm making a list I'm always checking twice, who knows who's naughty and who knows who's nice?" Santa's theme song continued as the fight against the Grinch for the fate of Christmas raged on. "I'm so full of milk and cookies; I'm shaking like jelly, but I got rock-hard abs on my big fat belly!"

"Finally, a chance to use this bad boy!" Krampus grinned while revealing the birch branches hidden within his cloak before turning to Santa. "What do you say, Claus? Just like old times?"

"You really came all the way out here to save little old me?" Santa asked before nervously scratching his beard. "Um, I am terribly sorry for what I said to you all those years ago."

"I'm sorry for taking things a little too far." Krampus replied just as awkwardly before sticking a clawed hand out. "Ready to patch things up?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Santa accepted and shook hands with his old partner. "Now then, you take the Grinch from behind; I'll take him from the front!"

"Oh please, I can take all of him on my own!" the Krampus bragged before jumping up and birching the Grinch across the face. "Hey, I think those kids might need some help." He pointed towards Tyrone, Arnold, Juan, Jorge, Imelda, Abby, and Ezra, all running from Max while Ian and Leia tried to fight him off. "Best get to that."

"Nice doggy, nice three-headed, flesh-eating doggy!" Arnold yelled in terror while carrying Stan Jr. in his arms. "Tyrone, what do we do?! Neither of us can kick butt like Gwen can!"

"I think I know what to do," Tyrone stated. "Which of you is good at jumping up and down and generally being real annoying?"

"Our time has come," Juan said as he and Jorge turned to face Max. "Hey Pongo! Yeah, we're talking to you, Bluey!" he taunted the three-headed guard dog by smacking his butt and flipping him off. "You're not so tough; you're just in heat and need to get spayed and neutered!" Unfortunately, that just made Max angrier. "Okay, this was a bad idea."

"Tyrone, this better be part of the plan!" Jorge said as the Ramirez brothers began running for their lives. Suddenly, however, Haruko's Vespa and Jinyu's Bel Air came charging into the mountain and ran straight into Max's three heads, knocking the giant dog out cold.

"Thought you boys needed some help." Santa said while handing Haruko and Jinyu back their keys. "Now then, to finish these two naughty boys off once and for all! Everybody, together!"

"You got it, Santa!" Dipper said while readying his Mustang while Canti produced a Gibson EB-0. "Ready, Gwen?"

"Ready, Dad." Gwen replied before she, her father, Haruko, Jinyu, and Canti all jumped into the air with guitars ready to attack. "ALRIGHT!"

"WHAT?!" the Grinch yelled before he was struck on the head so hard that he was sent packing down a hole to the darkest, coldest depths of the Antarctic.

"CHRISTMAS LUNCHTIME!" Dipper, Gwen, Haruko, and Jinyu all yelled together as the Grinch was sent down to his new prison while he tried in vain to escape as the theme song climaxed. "I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of all the kids. I am a real Father Christmas, fight for the joy of every girl and boy!"

"You may have won this time, Santa Claus, but I will have my revenge next Christmas!" the Grinch yelled angrily at Santa. "And every single Christmas after that! Mark my wo-" His vow of revenge was interrupted when Krampus stabbed him in the hand with his birch rod, causing the Grinch to fall further into the giant hole while Max's unconscious body was shoved in after him by Juan and Jorge.

"And we'll be there." Krampus declared before turning to Santa. "Shall we, Nick?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Santa smirked while creating a pair of mandalas around his hands and casting an ancient spell to seal the Grinch away forever. Only this time, the Krampus was there to help him out. "Now, Grinch, begone!"

"CUUUURSES!" the Grinch screamed angrily as he was sealed away, never to threaten Christmas again. Once the dust finally settled, Santa sat down to rest, giving Tyrone the perfect opportunity to finally sit in his lap.

"It's even better than I thought it would be." Tyrone whispered in sheer wonder and excitement while everyone around him laughed, only for Dipper to make a shocking realization.

"OMG, it's midnight!" Dipper yelled while looking at his watch. "It's Christmas morning already, and Santa still hasn't delivered his presents! What do we do?!"

"Not to worry, Dipper, I have a plan for everything!" Santa laughed jollily as he got up, with Tyrone still wrapping his legs around his thighs. "I just need my sleigh!"

"Yeah, funny you should mention that." Uno declared as he finally woke up. "The sleigh got repossessed after you got arrested."

"Aw, nutcrackers." Santa groaned in disappointment before he got an idea. "You there, girl!" he bellowed while pointing to Jinyu. "Would you be willing to lend me your sweet car for the night?"

"I'd be more than happy to." Jinyu nodded in delight. "But now we just need to find some reindeer."

"I volunteer as Rudolph!" Haruko exclaimed while changing her sexy Santa dress to a sexy reindeer costume, complete with a red nose. "Now we just need to find the rest." Everyone then turned to stare at Dipper.

"Why is everyone looking at me like that?" Dipper asked, not knowing what was happening next.

--

"This is utterly humiliating." Dipper groaned as he, Gwen, Stan, Ford, Tyrone, and Ian were made into more of Santa's makeshift reindeer to pull Jinyu's Bel Air across the world, complete with Santa's sack of toys in the back.

"Hey, we're short on time here; we might as well make the most of what we got." Krampus replied as he sat right next to Santa. "Now then, shall we?"

"We shall." Santa said before he began chanting. "On Haruko, on Canti, on Dipper and Gwen!" he called as the Bel-Air lifted into the air. "On Stanley, on Stanford! On Tyrone and Ian!"

"I got to sit on the real Santa's lap and pull his sleigh!" Tyrone yelled excitedly. "That girl at school with the crush on the cute teenage boy version of Jack Frost is going to be so jealous!"

"To the top of the mountain and back to Gravity Falls!" Santa yelled before the impromptu sleigh took off with Haruko surfing on her Rickenbacker leading the way. "Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

"You still got it, old friend." Uno smirked serenely as the gang helped Santa make his rounds across the world. From the United States to Mexico, Japan, Canada, Australia, Iceland, and even Germany. No child was left ungifted by the jolly old elf and his new friends, and Krampus was more than happy to deliver a few presents himself.

Soon, it was time to return everyone to Gravity Falls so they could go to bed for the night and be all ready for Christmas morning. Once the Bel Air touched down in front of the Mystery Shack, Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, and all their friends were already on the verge of falling asleep from spending the night helping Santa.

"Thanks for dropping us off, dude." Dipper said while carrying his dozing daughter in his arms. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"Well, first off, I'm probably going to get my sleigh back and explain everything to the authorities." Santa laughed nervously. "And second, you better leave out some milk and cookies because you'll never know when I'll return with your presents!"

"In that case, I should probably be heading home to Mother." Ezra said as he prepared to leave the Shack. "She is not going to believe what I've been through tonight."

"See you soon, my little gingerbread man," Leia said before bringing Ezra in for a goodnight kiss. "Yippie-kay-yay."

"Yeah, we should all just turn in for the night. I'm beat!" Soos said as the Ramirezes said goodbye to the Pines. "Good night, dudes, and Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Soos," Dipper said as he and Wendy said their goodbyes to Mabel, Pacifica, and Arnold when he felt Haruko tapping him on the shoulder. "Need anything, Haruko?"

"Can you do me and Jinyu a solid and let us crash with you for the night?" Haruko asked Dipper.

"What, don't you guys have a place to live or something?" Wendy asked back. "Is the car not good enough?"

"Actually, we are considering buying a home here." Jinyu revealed. "Though it might have to wait until after Christmas."

"Besides, I got a bitchin' New Year's party planned too!" Haruko revealed. "Come on, please?" she asked again, putting on puppy dog eyes and batting her eyelashes.

"Okay, fine." Dipper caved into Haruko's demands. "Just don't make a mess of things. I worked very hard on decorating the house." He then turned to Krampus. "Hey, Krampus, thanks for all the help tonight."

"No, no, no, thank you for getting me and Santa back together." Krampus declared with an arm around his old friend. "You Pines really are something else."

"The pleasure's all ours." Gwen said sleepily to Krampus. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, kiddo." Krampus responded before turning to Santa. "Can I say it? Can I?!"

"Ho-ho-go right on ahead, Krampy." Santa declared, making Krampus's eyes sparkle before he took a deep breath.

"Merry Christmas to all!" the Krampus yelled for everyone to hear as he ran off into the dark Oregon forest. "And to all, a good night!"

--

"Good night, Gwen. Good night, Tyrone," Dipper said goodnight to his kids once the Pines-Corduroy family returned home.

"Good night, Dad." Gwen and Tyrone replied.

"Good night Haruko, good night Jinyu." Dipper added for the Vespa Twins.

"Good night Takkun." Haruko responded.

"Good night, children." Jinyu said as she walked towards the kids' bedroom, dressed in some spare flannel pajamas Wendy had loaned her. She soon found Gwen and Tyrone sleeping in Tyrone's bed while Haruko took over Gwen's bed. "Raharu called dibs?"

"You're welcome to sleep with us if you want." Gwen said while Tyrone was utterly knocked out with Waddles II in his arms. Jinyu smiled and shrugged her shoulders before walking in to give Gwen a good night kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Gwennie." Jinyu said to her surrogate niece before preparing to leave. "I wonder if they have a guest room."

"Onee-chan, can you sleep with me tonight?" Haruko, dressed in a sweatshirt and tight black pants, asked for Jinyu, causing the Jazzmaster player to turn around and see the Vespa Woman pouting and making puppy eyes at her. "You wouldn't want your dear baby sister to feel so lonely on Christmas?"

Jinyu let out a sigh before walking towards Gwen's bed. "Okay, make some room, imoto." Once Jinyu had climbed into bed, she was immediately spooned from behind by her other half, who then started meowing. "Merry Christmas, Haruko."

"Merry Christmas, Jinyu." Haruko replied. It was funny, Jinyu thought. When she first came into being fifteen years ago after another failed attempt of Haruko's to catch Atomsk, the two of them were naturally opposed to each other regarding their feelings towards the Pirate King. Haruko selfishly wanted Atomsk's power for herself, while Jinyu believed that Atomsk should be free to roam the universe. But thanks to the positive influence of the Pines family and their Gravity Falls friends, the two women were practically sisters now. And Jinyu wouldn't trade it for the world.

--

At long last, Christmas morning had arrived, and with it, Santa had left presents under the tree for the Pines family and their friends as thanks for all the help last night. Once Gwen and Tyrone woke up, their parents were already planning to meet with the others at the Mystery Shack to exchange gifts and enjoy each other's company at the most wonderful time of year.

"Wow, new journals, thanks Mabel." Dipper smiled after unwrapping a set of blank journals gifted to him by his twin sister before handing her a gift from him. "And here's a little something from you."

Mabel unwrapped her present, revealing an expansive knitting kit from her brother. "Oh my gosh, I love this!" she squealed in delight before hugging Dipper tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Oh, Gwennie, you will never guess what I got you!" Haruko said in a sing-song voice while presenting what was clearly a guitar wrapped in 'FLCL' wrapping paper. Gwen took the guitar and unwrapped her present to reveal a pink RC Rich Bich inside. "You like? It's the same bat you used to fight me with."

"Thank you." Gwen smiled before sitting down and trying to play the Rich Bich. Much to her dismay, she wasn't quite the guitar player that the Vespa Twins were. "I think I might need some practice."

"Understatement of the century." Haruko snarked while looking over her shoulder at Tyrone geeking out over what Jinyu got him for Christmas.

"Awesome, my own Power Pole!" Tyrone squealed in delight while extending his new staff to poke Canti in the shoulder while Abby covered the Medical Machine in stickers. "Thanks, Jinyu!"

"You're very welcome, Tyrone." Jinyu smiled before she suddenly received her present from Mabel. "What are these?"

"Dipper and I got you matching cheesy sweaters!" Mabel exclaimed while Jinyu looked down at the goofy bee design on her sweater, which she noticed was on Haruko's sweater as well. "Please say you like it. I worked very hard on it."

"I don't hate it if that's good enough." Haruko admitted before she suddenly realized she got Jinyu a present as well. She wheeled in a blue Vespa scooter just like her own, but instead of the 'P!' symbol on Haruko's, there was a 'J!' symbol. "Here, in case your old piece of junk finally breaks down."

"I'm touched, Raharu." Jinyu flatly stated while reaching behind her back with a present for Haruko. "Which reminds me, for Christmas, I shall give you the gift of Atomsk."

"YOU REALLY MEAN IT?!" Haruko screamed with joy while a flowery background appeared behind her. "OMG, YOU ARE THE BEST SISTER EVER!" But instead of the Pirate King in a cage, Haruko got a book. "What the hell is this?"

"Atomsk by Cordwainer Smith." Jinyu answered with a smirk, making Haruko turn red with uncontrollable rage. "Like the pun?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU'RE THE WORST SISTER EVER!" Haruko screamed as she leaped at her smirking other half and beat her senseless with her Rickenbacker. "I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"Wow, they really have become like siblings." Dipper grinned amusedly at Haruko's fury before he felt someone tap on his shoulder. Turning around, Dipper found Wendy wearing nothing but a sling bikini made of gift bows with a tag saying 'For Dipper' nested between her cleavage. "Oh geez."

"Pacifica and I thought you and Mabel deserved something a little special today." Wendy said seductively while Pacifica stood beside her in the exact same outfit, except her tag said 'For Mabel' on it. "Why don't the four of us go somewhere more private?"

"Oh, Simone!" Mabel laughed goofily before their wives dragged the Pines twins away, past Arnold resting his feet in a home spa bath that he got as part of a kit he received from his mothers.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." Arnold sighed contentedly before he heard a loud kick at the door followed by Santa bellowing, "HO HO HO!"

"Santa!" Everybody in the living room yelled as Santa stepped into the Mystery Shack with Mrs. Claus and Uno by his side.

"What brings you back to Gravity Falls, Saint Nicholas?" Ford asked as he received a ticket to an all-expenses paid trip to a senior citizens' resort in Palo Alto.

"I just thought I'd pop on by to say thanks for clearing my name." Santa laughed. "Now then, what did you all get for Christmas this year?"

"I got a new fez." Stan answered Santa while holding a fez that said 'NUMBER ONE GREAT UNCLE' on it. "But since I'm dead, I probably won't need it." He then placed the fez on Junior's head. "Here, for when you have your own great niece and nephew someday."

Meanwhile, Ian and Leia were busy inspecting a large wooden crate with a gift bow on the lid. "What could be so big that it needed to be kept in a crate?" Leia asked while scratching her chin.

"Well, let's open it and find out," Ian said before opening the crate with a crowbar, revealing a man and a woman inside it. "Whoa, are you-"

"Where am I, who are you people, where's my family?!" Christopher Nolan yelled in terror upon being let out of the crate when he discovered someone had been packed in with him. "Wait, Greta?"

"Christopher?" Greta Gerwig asked as she crawled out after Chris. "I'm happy you want to spend the holidays together with me, but this isn't what I thought."

"Wait, did I just get two of the most beloved visionary directors of all time as my filmmaking mentors?!" Ian yelled in delight before hugging the two. "This is the best Christmas ever!"

"Merry Christmas, dear viewers." TJ of TJ and the Wombat announced on the radio. "This is TJ."

"And the Wombat!" the Wombat added.

"Coming to you with some last-minute Christmas news." TJ stated. "Police all over the country are searching for the missing Christopher Nolan and Greta Gerwig, who have been reported abducted from their homes last night by strange little men." Uno then abruptly turned off the radio with a nervous laugh.

"Not the first time someone's been kidnapped on Christmas. Remember what happened to Kevin Bacon?" Soos commented before the Mystery Shack got some more guests in the form of Candy & Ezra, Aiko, Masurao, Eye Patch & Amarao, Kanda, Kitsurubami, and a strange homeless man that just wandered into the Shack. "Uh, can I help you, dude?"

"Son, is that you?" the homeless man asked in wonder, making Soos's eyes widen in alarm at the thought of his dad finally meeting him face-to-face after so many years. "It's been so long. I just ran out to get milk."

"I can't believe it, it's really you!" Soos laughed when he began to realize something. "Wait a second, you're not my dad! He would never show up to anything in person!"

"I'll be honest. I just wandered into the nearest place to get something to eat." The man replied. "Mind if I crash here and celebrate with you guys?"

"Sure, the more the merrier!" Soos replied while shaking the old man's hand. "Come on in. We're already unwrapping presents."

While Jorge gave Melody some Hoo-Haw the Owl merchandise as his present, Juan finally gave Aiko the sunhat he bought yesterday. "You would not believe what happened last night." Juan declared. "I helped the Krampus save Christmas from the Grinch!"

"Wait, the Krampus?!" Aiko laughed while trying on the hat. "You're so silly!" She then put the hat down to hide her and Juan kissing each other. "So embarrassing."

"Buncha lovesick dorks." Leia chuckled as she leaned on her new punching bag before noticing Ezra standing under the mistletoe. "You wouldn't!"

"Come here and be my little Christmas angel, neo salanghaneun babo." Ezra smirked before sneaking a glance at his wingman Tyrone, using his new power pole to hang the mistletoe over the teens' heads.

"They make a pretty nice couple." Juan commented on the romantic sight before them. "I call dibs on best man for their wedding!"

"No fair, I called dibs first!" Jorge said before the brothers engaged in a pathetic slap fight that was quickly interrupted by Imelda, wearing some earmuffs, to bestow her brothers their gifts. "No way, look at this, bro!"

"All the ridiculous clothes and hair dye we could ever want!" Juan added. "Hey, you wanna be my personal Barbie doll?"

"Not if I make you my Ken." Jorge laughed. "Okay, that sounds pretty weird out of context."

"Ah, just what I wanted." Imelda declared while relaxing with her earmuffs to block out the chattering of her family and friends and the faint squeaking and moaning coming from upstairs.

Meanwhile, the Krampus watched the merriment from outside the Mystery Shack with a sad smile. Though he had helped save Christmas from the Grinch and made amends with Santa Claus, he still doubted that he would be allowed to join due to his reputation. "Well, Merry Christmas, you guys." He sighed as he prepared to leave. "Back to doing what I do best?"

"Leaving so soon, Krampus?" Santa asked as he opened the front door while Abby and Stan Jr. stood by him. "Come along now, don't keep us waiting!"

"Wait, are you seriously letting me in?" the Krampus asked hopefully while Dipper and Mabel walked downstairs with messy hair, lipstick all over their faces, and miscellaneous adult fluid stains on their clothes. "I mean, I did help save the holidays."

"Yeah, it just ain't Christmas if someone's left out of the festivities." Dipper said as he offered a hand. "So what do you say, care to join in?"

And it was here in Gravity Falls they say that the Krampus's heart grew three sizes that day. With eyes so merry and a smile so bright, Krampus jumped for joy as he joined the party inside. Abby and Stan Jr. were so overblown that their favorite uncle Krampy wouldn't be so alone. With a tear in his eye and a smile in his heart, Krampus replied by saying, "I'm just so happy that I played a part."

--

"Okay, everyone, all together now for the big family photo!" Uno exclaimed later that day as the gang got together in the floor room for Christmas dinner, now joined by extended members of the Pines, Corduroys, Ramirezes, whatever Northwests Pacifica didn't disown, and the ghosts of Soos's abuelita and Waddles. After nearly dying from being turned into Max's dog toy, the elf struggled to stand up on his crutches while behind the camera. "Now then, Haruko, I need you to move a little to the left. No, no, my left. No, my other left."

"There's no such thing as your other left, just take the damn picture already!" Haruko yelled before everyone heard a bunch of angry tree demons bust down the wall.

"Oh no, not you guys again!" Dipper groaned in disappointment while arming himself with the Mustang. "Gwen, get your Rich Bich!"

"What are those things?!" Dipper and Mabel's father Alex yelled while hiding under the dinner table. "Is this what you guys got up to every summer?!"

"Welcome to Gravity Falls, Dad!" Mabel laughed as she joined the fight against the rogue tree demons. "FOR TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!" The Christmas dinner quickly turned into chaos as all the Pines members, both blood-related, in-laws, and spiritual family, joined in on the fight against the tree demons to save their holiday. But in the middle of the madness, Stan Junior sat happily on Krampus's lap with a Santa hat on his head.

"Look, Junior," Krampus said while pointing to Santa performing an Atomic Leg Drop on an unfortunate tree demon. "it's said that every time Santa throws some hands, an angel gains its wings."

"God bwess us evewyone." Stan Junior declared.

"Shut that door!" Stan abruptly yelled as he closed the front door. Outside the Mystery Shack, the rhyming narrator from the cold open was still on fire and running around, screaming for someone to put him out. He was then crushed by a tree demon being thrown out the window and landing on him, setting the monster tree on fire as well.

THE END

In Loving Memory of Andre Braugher (July 1, 1962-December 11, 2023)

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place."

- Captain Raymond Holt

--

And that's the Fooly Falls Christmas special, my last story for the year in honor of the 20th anniversary of FLCL's first airing on American television. Thank you all for sticking with me throughout 2023 as we look forward to what's to come in 2024. Hopefully I can actually get some new stuff out in addition to reviving stories I've kept hanging on by a thread for months on end. And before we go, allow me to bestow upon ye the Japanese voice cast for the Fooly Falls 2 kids and all the Christmas characters shown here.

Gwen Pines: Eri Kitamura (Cana Alberona, Juri Han, Juliet Starling, Mina Ashido, Sayaka Miki)

Tyrone Pines: Saori Hayami (Ruby Rose, Yor Forger, Fubuki, Anya Hepburn)

Arnold Pines: Yuki Kaji (Eren Yeager, Koichi Hirose, Hope Estheim, Speed'o'Sound Sonic, Shoto Todoroki)

Ian Ramirez: Kazuya Nakai (Roronoa Zoro, Mugen, Wakka, Travis Touchdown)

Leia Ramirez: Ami Koshimizu (Yang Xiao Long, Kallen Kozuki, Sailor Jupiter, Ryuko Matoi)

Juan Ramirez: Kappei Yamaguchi (Usopp, Inuyasha, Shigekiyo Yangu, L, Teddie)

Jorge Ramirez: Jun'ya Enoki (Yuji Itadori, Pannacotta Fugo, Shu Kurenai)

Imelda Ramirez: Tomoyo Kurosawa (Aiko, Sothis, Rebecca)

Abby & Stan Jr. Ramirez: Aoi Yuki (Tsuyu Asui, Futaba Sakura, Madoka Kaname, Lucyna Kushinda)

Ezra Chiu: Tomokazu Sugita (Joseph Joestar, Gintoki Sakata, Ragna the Bloodedge, Yusuke Kitagawa)

And featuring the voices of….

The Krampus: Dan Castellaneta (Homer Simpson, The Robot Devil, The Genie)/Koichi Yamadera (Spike Spiegel, Beerus, Togusa, Inspector Zenigata)

Santa Claus: Christopher Sabat (Vegeta, Piccolo, Roronoa Zoro, All Might)/Kenta Miyake (All Might, Muhammad Avdol, Scar)

Jessica Claus: Candi Milo (Madame Foster, Granny)/Kikuko Inoue (Hinae Hibijiri, Lust, I-No, Shuuko Komi, Salem, Minerva Orland, Lady Dimitrescu)

Uno: Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker, The Joker, Fire Lord Ozai, The Skeleton King)/Kazuhiko Inoue (Ozpin, Angeal Hewley, Gildarts Clive, Kakashi Hatake, Kars)

The Grinch: Fred Tatasciore (The Hulk, Soldier 76, Buff Frog, AAARRRGGHH!)/Taiten Kusonoki (E-123 Omega, Captain Leonard Burns, Goliath, Heihachi Mishima)

Rhyming Narrator: Jim Broadbent (Malcolm Claus, Horace Slughorn, Mr. Gruber, Madame Gasket)/Joji Nakata (Alucard, Albert Wesker, Doomfist, Diethard Reid, Hody Jones, Luxord, Sojiro Sakura, Sol Badguy)

Now, could this result in a whole spin-off series where Gwen, Tyrone, Arnold, and all their friends have further adventures in Gravity Falls with Haruko and Jinyu? I don't know yet, but I do have an entire post credits scene written out showing at least thirteen possible episodes of said spin-off, but that will have to wait. Maybe I could post it on Christma as a gift for all my loyal readers. Anyways, from all of me to all of you, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a kwazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn and dignified Ramadan. See you in 2024 for the adventures of Rick and Haruko!

[blkkizzat]

Gonna do the ask game🙏🏼✨

4, 11, 22, 42, 50?? :D

Yay ty <3

4. Which cryptyd being do you believe in?

I answered this one already! But I will give a bonus and say I believe in a lot of supernatural things because I have had quite a few supernatural experiences.

Here is one:

Growing up my best friend house was definitely haunted and I spent alot of time in the summers at her place. Her house was build by her family in early 1900s and used to be 2 stories and a basement but there was a fire so they took out the top floor in like 1930s. The only proof there had been a 2nd floor was the stairs that literally went up to nowhere in the entry closet they used as a pantry. If you were ever alone in the home it felt like someone else was with you in the room or behind you. If you slept in her sisters room (her sister ended up moving out to live with other family cause she fell into a deep depression from staying in that room) no matter what it would never get above 50 degrees in that room and at night you could hear someone walking up and down the stairs from her room only... not the basement stairs, the pantry stairs that led up to nowhere since her room was right below it. The biggest thing was is I saw a doppleganger of my friend's stepdad. We were waiting for him to come home so he could drive us to the mall (we were 15) and I went down into the basement (basement was remodeled so everyone's rooms were down there) to find my phone in my friends room. I saw him walk out in front of me from the laundry room. I didnt see his face since I was looking at my phone but I saw him from behind. I didn't greet him because by that point I was like an extra kid so it wasn't weird for me not saying anything to him every time I saw him. He took a left towards his room and I took a right to go upstairs at the end of the hall. I told my friend her dad was home and she was insistent he wasn't cause he would have had to come in from upstairs (the basement door was blocked off so you could only get in through the kitchen). We got super scared and thought there was a robber, locked the basement door and was getting ready to run to a friends house close by when her dad actually came back home wearing the same thing I saw him in. He got a baseball bat and checked the basement but no one was there. This was middle of the day btw, not dark, and the wasn't see-through or anything either. Legit looked like her dad from behind.

Legit have about a half dozen more stories of ghost shit that has happened to me lmfao.

11. Favorite extracurricular activity

I've taken about 4-5 years of pole dance classes but I am out of practice since covid and have only been back to the studio a few times since then. I really want to do it again but time is an issue and the classes are a bit expensive. I have a pole of my own at home but its kinda broken so I have to order more screws to fix it. Definitely would encourage everyone, regardless of gender to try it!

22. What type of person are you?

I did this one too already bb sorry! </3 But I will try to give some more info... hmmm...

I'm really the type of person that has always worried and stressed alot about "not having a life plan" but in my recent years I have learned to just go with the flow more and try to be more forgiving to enjoy the journey since its really more important than the destination. I have had some goals I have reached but hadn't felt satisfied cause I focused too much on the end goal and not the experience getting there. So been trying to give myself more grace!

42. An app you use besides this godforsaken site?

I use IG and discord alot! I have two IGs though a personal one and a hobby one where I show off my doll collection since I collect Ball Jointed Dolls. Most dolls are my personal OCs but I have some JJK themed dolls (Gojo, Inumaki, are completed, Sukuna is almost done and I have Toji and Geto in the works), as well as JJBA and Bleach. I don't mind if anyone is curious and wants to see that IG since it is public but I do post my face sometimes on my stories so probably msg if you want that @.

there is my inumaki doll being attacked by tentacles on that page lmfao

50. Can I tag you in random stuff?

Yass!! Tag away!!!

[nityarawal]

9/23/23

"OJ"- AKA "Juice"

Morning Songs

How Many Songs

Can I Write 

In A Day

Make It Short

Make It Snappy

I Overtalk

I Know

Lyricists

Cut Back

Rich Refusals

My Poetry Teacher

Said

Is It Songworthy

Put It Somewhere

Else

Maybe It's 

3 Songs In One

Maybe You Have

A Voice

Where Some Have

None

Is It A Coincidence

That AI

Tells Kim Kardashian

Stories

Is It A Coincidence 

Her Daddy Was The

Atty

That Coined The "RO"

For A Murderer

Mommies Silencings'

Is It A Coincidence

Kimmy Can't Speak

Will They Resurrect 

Robert's Hologram 

To Defend

#MeToo Please

Attys Vanity Restraining Orders

Kimmy Can't Speak

Acts Like She Can't Sing

But We Don't Believe It

Everyone's Got A 

Unique Voice

Tune

If They Listen

To Hearts

Callings

Whistles

Kimmy Says She 

Can't Sing

In So Many Words

But North Likes

Her Tunes

And Dances Galore

With Her "Ye"

Ears

Kimmy Says She 

Can't Sing

In So Many Words

Stumbling Through

Christmas Recordings

Kimmy Can't Sing

Clearly Not True

Because

We Like Her Voice 

#FanGirls

It's True

If Kimmy Just Wants To Be A Poppet

"X" Meme

Like Elon

That's OK Too

Maybe She's Being 

Wise

Or Gagged

With Pleas

But Queen's In

40's

Seemingly

Behind Glass

Behind The Sidelines

Mamma 

Queen Of The Globe

Influencer

Got No Pride

Your Life's Not Over

You Outlived 

Your Mothers BFF

Not A Hasbeen

German 

Nicole Simpson

Might've 

Started As A Waitress

At 18 

With A Black Man

12 Years Older

Like Me 

A Nun

When Her Story 

Went Down

Cloistered By 

A Bipolar Monk

20 Years Older

Secretly Engaged

To My Molester

Handler

Pedophile Of Football 

Clinton League

Whitehouse

Boys Stirling Cards Clubs

Co-Creating

Spiritual Center

Manifesting

Heavenly Mountain

Muses And Me

Who Thought 

His Yogi Body

A Perfect Cloak

For A Tiny Football

Players Brain

He Ran Into

Every Pub

At The Mall

After 8 Hours Of

Meditation

Threw Money At 

#MeToo

Shopaholics

Forgetting Us

At Banana Republic 

Or Victoria Secret

Watching 

Modeling Purchases

We Went To Nephew's

Football Games

Fresh Out Of Nunnery

Forbidden Love Stories

Secrecy

Thanksgivings'

3 Years

Alienated

David Kaplan Must've Gone Up

To Bat

For OJ

Like The Whole 

Defense Army

Begging Him

Like Their Beloved

Buddha

"Don't Die Bro,"

They Begged

As They Chased Him

In His White Bronco

A Gun To His Head

They Tried To Shame

The Waiter

Instead 

Innocently

Returning

Nicole's Mothers' Glasses

From Italian Cafe

Brutally

Murdered Kid

For Jealous

Triangulated

"Theoretically"

A Mistake

After "Words"

He Said

Bloody Mess

Stunned

His Son Later Accused

Of Murders

Anyone But Him

Not A Cop's Football Hero

To Be Confirmed Guilty

20 Years In Jail

Per Head

Like Most Civilians

Would've Been

40 Years

At Least

For Even Attempting

Crimes

His Best Friends

Targeted

Atty's Families Pay

Still

Kardashians Paraded

But The Football

Hero "Juice"

Won't Cover His Bills

"Hoe-Flation"

Tax

Candace Owen's Calls It

On ROs

For Poly Trans Losers

You Can Play

The "Barracuda 

Mamma" Song Kimmy

If You Settle

#Nitya4Eternity

Estates

Uncouple My Kids

From This Blessed Mess

And Businesses

Gwen Stefani

Lady Saw

Lady Gaga

Or #FreeBritney

Might Sing For You

Anyone You Want

You Can Play Lori's 

Atty Brands'

Like A Poppet

For Kardashians

If You Wish

"Lawyering" 

Style

But If You Did

Some Yoga

Find Light

In Meditation 

Pranayama- Breathing Exercises

Cardio

Self Oil Massage 

Ayurveda

I Think You 

Might Just 

Find Your Voice

Too

No Need To Let

The Courts

Antagonize

"Ye"

Me

Or #FreeBritney

You

And Ladies

All Singers

Kids

Masses

Abused Today

We Know 911

Didn't Work For

Nicole Simpson

Nor Me

We Know 911

Didn't Work For

My Latina Mamma 

Country Club

Neighbor

When Militia Shot

Her Son Adrien

On Mistakes

We Know 911

Didn't Work For Me

Not Even The New

Fancy Texting

Services

We Couldn't Prevent

Domino Effect

Of A Dozen More

Murders

Idy Missing Peeps

Secrets Hidden

By Sergeant Protero

Young Bribed Investigators

Sheriff Gays

Secrets Hidden

By The Old Art Academy

Staff

Now Dead

Fired

Institutionalized Students

Silenced

My Old Therapist

Posing For CPS

To Traffic Actors

Super Geniuses

Harry Potters

Like Russel Brand

For England

Julie Anne Steiger

A Spy To Rockstar's Attys

In County Courts

How Many Murdered

On ROs

211

With Ashby Clark 

Sorrenson

United Way

Judge Judith Clark

Lori Clark Viviano

911

Until Her

Scuba Diving Demise

Last Year

Was She 

Charles Viviano's

Class Action Atty

Starter Wife First

Or In Walter Clark's

Gay Chain Of Attys

Marilyn

Butterballing

Lying On Radio Ads

Before 

They Became A 

Poly Tribe

Inflicting Sodomy

Taxing Breeders

Her Kids Keep

Advertising Her Expired

Law Scams

"Dead" Orders Now

On Bribes

Even Though She's Gone

Tweeting Onto

Twitter #X

So Can't You

Resurrect Robert 

Kardashian's

#AI Hologram Too

And Rectify

Peace

Forgive

What He Did

To Restrain American Moms

From Kids

With No Domestic Violence

Hotline

Mind-boggling Them

DV's A 1-800 Data Collection Site

A Waste Of Time

On Last Pleas

Calls

Desperate Needs

Reparations

Needed

Now

Rain Rape Clerks Violate

Moms

Silencing

For Robert Didn't 

Know He'd Win

He Didn't Know

He'd Make A Hero

Of A Murderer

In Loving His Brother

"Uncle OJ"

Y'all Called Him

He Didn't Know

Homeschooling

"Tweens"

His Girls Flaunted

In Court

Like Child Trophies

To Shame Moms'

Child Brides Still

He Didn't Know

His Armenian Baes

Daughters

Would Make 

Civil Activists

He Didn't Know

He'd Win

Against Odds

For A Slaughterer

Who Asked Him To 

Go Back To Work

Take the Sordid

RO Job

Still Murdering 25% 

Mothers Annually

From Divorce Courts

Sexualising

Infidelity

Violence

Vows

All He Knew

Was His Road

On The Coattails

Of A Football 

Hero

"OJ"

Capitalism

Won

Kardashian Hung His Head

When They Won

For He Couldn't 

Undo

Sin

An Oath

To His Family

Bonds

A Legacy

Bartered

Peace,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

[gh0stchoir]

They had spent the rest of the day reading Izuku's notes, downright studying them. And texting Toga, Filo had just copied the contacts of her and Tomura, texting them both. She had invited Toga to hang out tomorrow, going to the mall like regular teens did. Quite honestly she only wanted to window gaze at the figures of her favorite games she'd never be able to afford. Toga had promptly offered to write them down and steal them, as well as some for Tao as well. If he wanted any, of course. "This is so weird", Filo said, "I'm texting two known and very hunted criminals like I'd text my friends." Tao hummed and nodded, because what else should he do? She wasn't lying there. "It's weirder for them, I guess. A hero in training treating them like actual human beings and not monsters incarnate." "They aren't monsters. Monsters act different. Take Dabi for example. He was abused by his dad and then thrown away, who wouldn't be pissed?"Tao frowned, sitting up a bit. "What do you mean? You never really talked o him, and he didn't tell any of us where he's from." Filo sat up as well, humming.

"Well, his body is obviously not adapted to his quirk. Said quirk is an extremely hot fire. Then given his eye color, his hatred on Endeavour specifically, and all the small things I gathered from Shoto. It leads me to believe that Dabi's real name is Toya Todoroki, which would make him Endeavour's oldest. Shoto told me his oldest brother had a fire quirk stronger than their father's, but inherited his mother's ice-conditioned body. Dabi has the same eye color as Endeavour, hates him, and Shoto told me that 'Toya' was trained by their father to be his successor, before Shoto was born and Toya got replaced. If that ain't a villain origin story, then I don't know what is." Tao blinked, starring at his friend. Laid out like this, it made sense. A frightening amount of sense. More so given she had spoken not even five sentences to Dabi and seen him for could only come up to ten minutes. And while he didn't knew how much time she had spent with Shoto, he knew the other boy wouldn't just give up such personal info in passing. Which meant Filo was either really close to Shoto, or she had deduced all of it by just having heard small bits of information. And if that was the case, she'd make such a good informant. Maybe he should tell Tomura about this. After asking Dabi if she was right, of course. If it was wrong, then it would only be embarrassing.

Tao walked calmly through the streets and alleyways, heading towards the new LOV hideout. He'd texted Tomura the night prior that he would be visiting for the day. Toga had already left, going to meet with Filo to go into the bustling city and shop. Or rather look for things both wanted and later Toga would steal. It made Tao smile. Seeing his best friend now gaining friendship with the group he saw as family.

Tao knocked on the door, in the same tune he always had. He heard shuffling before the door opened to reveal Shigaraki. He'd stop itching at his neck upon seeing Tao, and motioned him in. "Thanks for the information you sent yesterday, by the way." Tao nodded and was lead through the base. "No problem. Thought it could be useful." Shigaraki nodded. Tao looked around curiously, wondering if everyone else happened to just be in their rooms. "Hey is Dabi here today? Had a question for him.." Tao asked. Tomura raised a brow as he took off his fathers hand, setting it down on the small table next to the couch. He pointed to a hall. "Last room to the right. Don't have to tell you to knock, unlike everyone else here.." Tao nodded with a smile and hurried off down the hall. The base was a bit bigger than the previous one. It was also in a more secluded area. He made it to the last door and let out a breath before knocking. "The hell is it?" Dabi's annoyed voice asked from behind. Tao shifted in his place. "J-just me...can I ask a quick question-?" Dabi huffed and stood up, stomping over to his door and opening it. Tao glanced at him before deciding it was better to not look at his piercing eyes. "Look..Filo told me something about you. I just wanted to ask..if it was true." Dabi narrowed his eyes before letting Tao in his room before shutting the door. "What is it?"

Dabi sat in silence after Tao explained all what Filo said, eyes trained on the concrete floor below. He let out an exhale. "Yeah..it's true." He finally said. Tao's eyes widened. "Oh god..I-I'm so sorry Dabi-" "Look it's fine. You better keep your mouth shut about it. Tell her that as well." Dabi threatened. Tao nodded quickly. He wasn't one to go around babbling secrets to the world. "If you ever want to..talk about it, just find me. It's not like I'd judge.." Tao offered a smile as he stood. Dabi only glanced up at him and gave a small nod. With that, Tao left and headed back to Shigaraki. Now knowing Filo was right in her deduction, he could tell Tomura about this. "Ah there you are." Tomura looked over as Tao reentered the main room. He gave a smile and sat down on the couch next to him. "Last night, Filo told me about Dabi and why she believes something that no one knows. T-thats why I went to go ask him if it was true..it was." Shigaraki raised a brow. "Meaning, she could be an informant. A really good one." His eyes widened, looking at Tao. He only continued. "And you know she isn't going to turn us in..it's perfect." He smiled.

[nihilnat]

Your favorite song

[chapter one] [chapter two] [chapter three] [chapter four]

Summary: When Vecna’s curse affects you, someone who doesn’t consider himself as a hero outside of D&D comes to save you with his amazing guitar skills, playing your favorite song to save you from it.

Author’s Note: Heavily follows the plot and contains spoilers! If you haven’t watched S4 I wouldn’t recommend reading this fic. Maybe you could save it for later? This chapter is mostly the reader spending alone time with Eddie. Also the summary is for the entire series, not only for this chapter. Please read the first chapter before reading this one! And if any of you are wondering how long this series is going to be, I unfortunately don't have an answer to that right now. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 3.7k

What to Expect: Eddie Munson x reader, Reader doesn’t believe in supernatural things before she does, Detailed story telling about reader’s trauma and a nightmare that is connected to it, Eddie comforting and taking care of the reader, Really sweet moments with Eddie and more. Oh and also the usage of the nickname 'Sweetheart'.

Spoilers below cut, you have been warned!

After Dustin ran away, he came back just as fast and said, ‘Okay as fun as it was, we have no time to lose.' and continued,

'So about Hawkins being haunted; What I’m about to tell you can be a little difficult to understand…’ He said and told you all about the 'Upside Down' and the demogorgons, a little girl with superpowers etc. It was difficult to understand, like he said. You never believed in supernatural things before.

Eddie was handling it better because he experienced one of those supernatural-murder things first hand. Though he was still confused about the monsters since he didn't saw any involved in Chrissy's murder. Not that he could see any, at least.

After Dustin and the others finished explaining what was going on, Robin lastly said 'Look Eddie, (Y/N), I know they sound delusional right now but trust me, they've experienced it before. More than once actually. Like, a LOT.' She was speaking faster now, the way she did whenever she was talking more than she should have. 'I've experienced it before too. Theirs was more smokey, dust related and mine was more in a human-flesh typa thing but... yeah.' She stopped talking with a small smile on her face, understanding that she had to shut up from the way Steve looked at her.

                                           ****

You and Eddie asked some questions that you wanted to ask about this strange parallel world. After your little Q&A session ended, you started to brainstorm about Chrissy's murder. From what they have told to the both of you, some dots finally started to align in your head but you guys were nowhere near to solving this case.

After a few minutes, Eddie and Dustin started to talk about D&D. They were talking about a character named Vecna and its curse. Turns out Vecna was a strong character who did curses on the D&D players' characters and 'It' was famously known by all the players. All of you except Dustin and Eddie were confused about why they were talking about the game right now.

But the more they talked about it, the more similarities there were between Vecna and whatever invisible creature you were facing at that moment. So, they decided to name the invisible murderer after that game character, Vecna.

When the talking came to an end, everyone was tired from all the adventure that they had today and it was getting late. Eddie and you were still talking about the news that you have just learned. The rest of the group on the other hand, started to grab their belongings. They were ready to go home and get a good night's rest. When all the others gathered around the door, ready to walk out, Steve said 'Hey (Y/N), you're not coming?'

Ever since you lost your parents, you didn't want to go back to your house. It didn't feel like home anymore and it brought you nothing but sadness. After that mall fire, you spent the night at your friends' houses. The ones who allowed you to stay at their place changed from time to time since you couldn't have crashed at their place for too long; It wouldn't have been appropriate. You knew you had to go back home and face the truth but you didn't feel ready yet.

'I can't go back to Ashley's house again, I've been staying over at her place for 3 days already and I haven't had a chance to talk with anybody else. Can I stay with one of you guys tonight?' You asked, feeling a little ashamed.

Without leaving others a chance to talk, Eddie asked:

'Why don't you stay with me tonight? I know it won't be the comfiest night of your life but I don't wanna stay here alone with my own thoughts.'

You turned to him and calculated your option. Staying the night with Eddie actually didn't sound like a bad idea. Sure, he was a wanted man and there was no bed in the shack so it was going to be uncomfortable. But you were going to be alone with him, it was a perfect chance to get to know him better. So you said, 'That's a great idea, I'll stay with you.'

The others were surprised at how fast you were going but they were also really happy. You had this crush for months now and you two were finally spending time together. And him having an interest in you too was a cherry on top.

They were a little worried about you staying in the shack though; Jason could've find both of you and you could've gotten into trouble too because of Eddie. Although they were worried, they respected your choice and promised to bring you guys some food for tomorrow. Then, they left.

Once they got into the car and disappeared into the forest, you started to look around. There was nothing but boat related stuff in the shack, obviously. But you were looking for a little pillow or an extra blanket. Once you understood that there were none, you turned to Eddie. He was watching you all this time, with an amused expression on his face.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Looking for something ...comfy to sleep on.'

'In this shack? Good luck finding it, sweetheart.'

That nickname he just called you made you blush. You didn't want to give in so easily but it was hard. You turned to him, trying to look annoyed. 'There's gotta be something we can do. What about we take some pillows from Reefer Rick's place?'

                                             ****

After you sneakily took two pillows and a big blanket, you went back to the shack. You two were like ghosts, you didn't make a single sound while going in and out. After you came back to your hiding place, Eddie turned to you and said,

'Okay so tell me about yourself.'

'What do you wanna know?'

'Hmm... like how was little (Y/N) in middle school?'

You chuckled at his question, wondering why he asked this out of all the others he could've asked. It was a sweet and caring question though, so you liked it. As you started to think about all the memories, it felt like such a long time ago. And it was actually. But you didn't want to grow up. You didn't want time to pass quickly. Especially right now.

After you told him all of your stories, the good and the bad ones, it was his turn. He told you about how his head was buzzed and he was in a band group. Then, he told you about the talent show that they took a part in. Talent shows have never been your thing so you couldn't remember that day. He helped you remember it by giving you a little theatrical show. He told you about the magician guy with the bunny, mimicking to get the bunny out of the black magician hat.

Eddie was so good at acting and he absolutely knew how to lighten up the room with his charm and funny sense of humour. You were cracking up while he was giving you a show, even he was laughing at himself for being this silly. You were having an amazing time. Then he continued with a talented girl who painted a little amazing canvas and the cheerleader team. He did a little move, copying the moves they made during their performances. Then he remembered Chrissy.

His playfulness was now replaced with an emotionless expression. He was looking at a distant view, deep in thoughts. You immediately went next to him, looking at the same direction. You were standing side by side now, looking at the sky which was full of stars.

'Look Eddie, It's not your fault. None of it is your fault.' You said, placing a hand on his back, occasionally moving it up and down to reassure him. Eddie didn't want to look you in the eyes. 'Maybe I could've done something to prevent it...'

'No don't do this to yourself, please.' You forced him to turn to you, to look at you straight in the eye. 'You couldn't have known what was right, we still don't know what 'Vecna' truly is and what it wanted from her... You could've gotten yourself killed, Eddie.' You said, feeling the tears beginning to form in your eyes.

'Hey hey hey, no I'm right here. C'mon now c'mere.' He said, almost in a whispering tone while opening his arms widely for you to hug him. You closed the distance between the two of you, waiting for a moment for him to pull you in closer. After his hands found its way down to your waist, he wrapped his arms around you and you laid your head on his chest. The feeling of his arms around you, squeezing your body lightly made you feel safe. It was a really beautiful and comforting feeling you have never experienced before, not like this.

You stayed like that for a while until Eddie broke the silence by saying 'As much as I'd like to spend the whole night cuddling like this, we better get some sleep. You never know what tomorrow holds for us.'

                                           ****

Before going to sleep, you and Eddie had trouble figuring out where you should sleep. Since you two only found one blanket, it wasn't going to be easy. But you also had another problem. Like what if someone came to the shack looking for Eddie in the middle of the night? You sleeping on the ground wouldn't have caused any problems since people didn't know that you two were close. Also sleeping on the floor would've been more comfortable than sleeping in a small boat.

And also neither of you wanted to take things faster than it should've been. You had so much time ahead of you, right? So, Eddie was going to sleep in the boat, the boat cover was going to be on top of it just to be safe and you were going to sleep on the floor. He gave you the blanket and helped you form your little 'bed'. After that, you laid down and he kneeled beside you, placing a small kiss to your forehead.

'Goodnight sweetheart.'

'I love that nickname.' you chuckled, feeling the burn in your cheeks and the butterflies in your stomach.

'Goodnight Eddie.'

                                            ****

Some hours went by while the two of you slept peacefully.

Then, in your dream, you saw your parents. They were waving at you, calling your name. They looked so happy and …alive. You thought that it was real. That you were there, with them. As the time went by, you understood that it was a memory. A memory from your middle school times actually. It was the first day of middle school, you were so excited to go back there and hang out with your friends. You have spent an amazing vacation and you wanted to share it with them. 

It was a beautiful sunny day, the sun was shining brightly in the sky. You were getting ready as your mother called you from the living room saying ‘(Y/N), come on honey you wouldn’t want to be late to your first day of school, right?’ You said: ‘I’m coming mom!’ and rushed outside, with your backpack on your hand. Your mother helped you get into the car and your father started the engine. It was nice to have them drop you off at school. You felt safe with them.

After a short amount of time, your father parked the car in front of your school and all of you got out. You were so excited, ready to go to your new class. You grabbed your backpack and your mother helped you to put it on. When you were all set, you started to walk towards the main door of your school. You were halfway there when your parents shouted at you, calling your name saying ‘Have a nice day at school (Y/N), we love you so much baby!’ You turned to them and saw that they were waving hands, looking happier than ever. You returned the smile and waved at them before going in. 

And your vision started to blur, your sight becoming worse. You couldn’t see anything because of the smoke that was covering your vision. You started to understand where you were: in the mall, during the goddamn fire. There was smoke everywhere and all you could hear was the sirens of the ambulance and the fire engine. You were searching for your parents, trying to look everywhere but it was impossible. It was getting harder to breathe and you thought like you were being strangled. After a few seconds, you saw a fireman running towards you. He looked so worried and he yelled ‘I’m here okay? I’m going to get you out of here as soon as possible!’ You were a little relieved but you were still worried about your parents. Although you were struggling to get oxygen, you were shouting: ‘MOM! DAD! WHERE ARE YOU?’ You kept repeating to shout until you felt like your lungs were burning…

‘Mom, Dad…’ you were murmuring in your sleep. It was obvious that you were seeing a nightmare. Eddie started to hear your voice as it kept getting louder and louder. He immediately jumped out of the boat and ran next to you. In the process, he accidentally hit his foot on something, something rigid. He couldn’t see what it was because there was no light. He cussed to himself, saying ‘Shit shit shit.’ But thanks to that little accident, he was now fully awake. 

After he sat down next to you, he saw that you were shaking. You were sleeping in a place where a ray of the moonlight hit you, illuminating your face. There were little beads of sweat on your forehead and you were squinting your eyes, hard. He was in a shock but he knew he had to hurry. So, he grabbed your shoulders and started to shake you slowly. He didn’t want to make a wrong move, that's why he was acting carefully. As the time went by, your voice kept getting louder. ‘MOM, DAD!? WHERE ARE YOU!’ He started to shake you firmly now. ‘(Y/N), Wake up! Wake up (Y/N), wake uup!’ 

And then, you woke up. For the first few seconds, you started to look around the room, trying to figure out where you were. You were still shaking a little, eyes wide open and mouth agape. Eddie was still holding your shoulders, trying to ground you. You were close to a wall so he grabbed your pillow and put you in a fowler’s position. When your eyes finally met, you felt relieved. 

He was talking to you in a soft tone, almost whispering: ‘It’s over now (Y/N). You’re here, I’m here. You’re safe with me.’ And urged you to come closer to him. Once again you closed the distance between the two of you, hugging him tightly as if holding him loosely was going to result in him fading away. His long, untamed hair was on your forehead, mixing with your sweaty hair. You wanted to stay there, like this, in his arms for as long as you can. You thought that he was going to back away to give you a little space but he didn’t. He held you in his arms and you nuzzled up against him.

When you finally came to your senses, you started to talk slowly, your bottom lip trembling: ‘I saw this nightmare before. It literally haunts me and I can’t escape it.’ You were now sitting in front of each other, looking at each other’s eyes. He gave you an understanding look, his eyes observing your face. 

‘You were screaming ‘Mom and dad’ repeatedly, I don’t wanna cross a line but would you like to tell me what happened?’ 

‘If you want to, tho. No pressure.’ He said, trying to look nonchalant in case you didn’t want to talk about it. 

‘No, it’s fine. I will tell you about it.’ you said and told him all about that day. When you finished telling the story, you also added ‘I’ve been having these ongoing headaches recently and occasionally I’ve been seeing the same nightmare. But I don’t remember experiencing it this badly before.’ You lowered your gaze, you were now looking at the blanket. Your hands were on top of it and without realizing, you started to play with your hands like you did whenever you got anxious. 

‘I’m sorry (Y/N)...’ He said, frowning.

You quickly added: ‘That’s why I’ve been staying at my friends’ house for some time now. Going back home makes me aware of the reality we live in -as if I ever get a chance to forget- and rubs the harsh reality in my face.’ 

‘I understand.’ He said, unable to form any convenient phrases. Instead of turning this into a therapy session, he abruptly said: ‘Well, I am not going into that small boat again! I’m going to sleep here, next to you.’ He was never good at comforting someone or talking about feelings. His coping mechanism was to use sarcasm and that pretty much explained everything. No one really expected anything from him when it came to reassuring someone with the help of using words. He tried to keep things light hearted and as playful as possible, trying to distract the person from their own dark thoughts. 

‘But what if they see you from the window?’

‘Let them, I don’t care. You need me right now’ 

‘Aand I refuse to go back to that boat, folding in half just to fit my ass into that small space.’

And when he saw that you were smiling again, he felt warm inside. Seeing you all miserable when you were having that nightmare was one of the worst things he had to experience but it was now all in the past. 

He immediately stood up and went to get his pillow, running funnily just to make you laugh. And it was working, you were laughing. All the sadness in the air slowly disappeared and both of you were grateful for that. After he got his pillow, he quickly returned to your side and you scooted over to give him some space under the blanket. For a second you two remained still, not quite sure what to do with your hands and all of that. 

‘Uh, this is kinda awkward isn’t it?’ Eddie said. ‘Like, what are we supposed to do now?’

‘Well, we could cuddle if you’d like..’

‘Ah yeah sure.’ he said quickly, in an awkward-Eddie way and turned to your side. You two found the most comfortable position to cuddle and after a few seconds, he started to play with your hair, running his hands through it as you both slowly drifted off to sleep. 

                                                      ****

When the morning finally came, you felt the warmth of a ray of sunshine on your face. You slowly opened your eyes and saw Eddie sleeping right next to you, having a peaceful little smile on his face. As you were yawning and getting ready to say good morning to him, you heard the door of the shack opening loudly. 

You immediately freaked out and saw some figures standing on the doorway. You were ready to wake up Eddie when you saw a figure approaching inside. Turns out it was Steve. He yelled ‘FOOD DELIVERY’. At that moment Eddie literally jumped on the floor and instantly tried to cover himself with the blanket, not making any noise. After his drowsiness went away, he understood that it was Steve who was yelling like crazy on a peaceful morning. ‘Ah, what beautiful a way to wake up!’ Eddie exclaimed, his voice filled with annoyance. It was probably the crack of dawn, he thought to himself. 

‘Hey! Morning sleepyheads.’ said Max while getting inside, holding a paper bag full of snacks. ‘Heyy..’ you said, still having that raspy morning voice. ‘You guys know what time it is?’

‘It’s 13.46.’ Dustin stated, checking his watch. Eddie and you were both shocked. You guys said ‘What?!’ at the same moment, earning a laugh from the others. ‘Guess you got a good night’s sleep guys’ said Robin, unaware of all the shit you went through in the middle of the night last night. You managed to say ‘Yeaah, right..’

                                                     ****

After you two had a breakfast -which was dry cereal- ; Robin shared the news. She said that the police were definitely looking for Eddie and that there has been another murder just like Chrissy’s. They said the murdered guy’s name was Fred Benson and that he used to be a member of the school’s newspaper team. ‘What does Vecna want from highschoolers?’ You asked genuinely. None of you seemed to have an answer to that but it was obvious that there was a connection. One that you couldn’t figure out for now. 

And Dustin said, ‘That’s what we’re gonna find out.’ confidently. 

****

Thank you so much for reading chapter two of the series!

If you like this part, let me know by liking, reblogging or even leaving a comment. All of it and feedbacks are appreciated. Also if you want to be added in the taglist, let me know!

Stay in tune for the next chapter <3

taglist:

@theold-ultraviolence

[luvnami]

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - wahh it’s here! can’t believe my brainrot of osamu teaching a cooking class turned into this long fic lol... i hope you enjoy it!! it was fun crafting the story with my beta readers and i put a lot of effort into it!!! itadakimasu <3

𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - @forgetou​ @amjustagirl​ (muacks 2x) + tq to everyone who helped me with the banner!!

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 - you’re suna’s younger sibling, food, heartbreak, angst but happy ending, mentions of stabbing (joke), kita dances to ‘ice cream’ by selena gomez and blackpink, mentions of alcohol, mentions of blood (brief), suna beats (redacted) up

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 - miya osamu x gn!reader

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 - you fall in love with miya osamu once more, but you’re afraid of getting hurt again.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 5535

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 | 𝐤𝐨-𝐟𝐢

1. Cook the rice according to your rice cooker, then transfer the cooked rice to a separate bowl to cool it down.

“What ya want t’do is scorch the soy sauce.”

The class presses themselves against Osamu’s workbench as they scribble down notes on their recipe printouts. Their lips purse to ooh and aah at his cooking skills, though you’re pretty sure that they’re more interested in how his biceps flex when he flips the wok with a trained flick of the wrist. 

You stand at the very edge of the group. It’s better than getting close with a group of hungry housewives, really. If grocery store and department mall sales have ever told you anything, it’s to never get in the way of what a seasoned housewife wants. Unfortunately for you, you haven’t learnt the way of being a homemaker just yet. 

You’re unemployed, right in the middle of a month and a half-ish long transfer between jobs. You currently stay at your brother Suna’s place — which is really just an apartment filled with dirty laundry overflowing from its seams.

Turns out Suna himself is a bit of a gossip.  He told Kita who told Atsumu who told Osamu that you’re stuck at his place 24/7 with no friends or entertainment in the lovely city of Nagano. It’s just mountains and trees as far as the eye can see all around — and there’s only so many hikes you can take each week. 

“Why don’t you take a cookin’ class?” 

“Cookin’?” Your face screwed up in confusion. “ What for?”

“So that you can actually pull your weight around the house and make me something to eat.”

You chucked a pillow at his head and began to list all the things you did while staying at his apartment. Laundry, cleaning the floor, doing grocery shopping (even if it was only instant noodles and snacks), finding his disgustingly sweaty socks under the sofa and many other important chores, thank you very much.

Besides, you weren’t as eager when you saw who was the one that would be holding the classes. With his picture plastered across the front of a pamphlet, your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach. Years of chasing his dreams and training in a kitchen had done Osamu wonders. 

You had half a mind to smack Suna in the head with the yellow, glossy paper, but instead you quietly tucked it into a corner of the guest room to look at later. You were sure Suna hadn’t forgotten your history with Osamu just yet — but perhaps he assumed that enough time had passed to heal your wounds.

Either way, there’s no going back now. That’s how you ended up at Osamu’s ‘Cooking class for homemakers — you can do it too!’, except you aren’t a homemaker. You shift your weight from one foot to the other as the sound of sizzling soy sauce fills the air. Osamu pauses for a while before beginning to mix the rice with the sauce, wielding his spatula and wok expertly like weapons.

“Miya-san, you’re amazing!” someone gushes.

He lets out a bashful laugh. “This is nothing. I’m sure everyone will be able to do this by the end of class today!”

You wonder if he’s ever considered being a teacher. The demonstration on how to make shrimp fried rice is soon over and everyone returns to their benches, eager to try out the recipe. You are no different. Scurrying to your bench at the very back of the classroom, you exchange glances between the printed recipe handout and your tray of ingredients.

“Need any help?” 

Osamu’s voice and looming presence makes you jump.

“Woah! Careful there,” he chuckles, his fingers gently prying a knife out of your hands.

Unconsciously, you had raised it in shock when Osamu snuck up on you. The knife now lays safely on the tabletop and you feel the eyes of the entire class boring into you.

“Sorry, Miya-san. I didn’t see you,” you apologise meekly.

“Don’t worry about it, I shouldn't have scared ya like that. And no need for the formalities! You’re my friend’s sister, afta’ all.”

Oh goodness. You half expect the class to pick up their pots and pans and run at you right this moment. You swallow back the half hearted ‘Osamu-san’ that rises in your throat. Your heart trembles in your chest and for a second, the silence that weighs heavily between the both of you turns awkward. 

“Miya-san! Could you help me with this please?” 

You’ve never been so glad to hear Tachibana’s sickly shrill voice before. Osamu is quick to wave goodbye to you before hurrying over to her bench, a smile still on his face. You breathe a sigh of relief. 

You make a mental note to tell Suna that Osamu should just stick to placating those housewives and leave you the hell alone. The last thing you want is to have blackmail spread around the neighbourhood by these gossipy housewives, or worse, have their daughters hunt you down and chop you up into pieces.

Whatever. You’re just here to learn how to make shrimp fried rice and then go home to your annoying older brother. Besides, it’s not like you’ll be here for long. Miya Osamu just happens to be the local heartthrob, the handsome and eligible bachelor chased by anyone single and ready to mingle. You have absolutely nothing to do with someone so popular and good-looking. And for goodness sake, he’s your brother’s high school friend and your… Well, you know. 

Your face burns and you pick up the knife again, grip tightening on its handle. You begin chopping at the onions with renewed determination.

(Later on, when you bring back a tupperware of fried rice for Suna, he looks you in the eye and asks “Shrimp fried this rice?”.

You shoot him a glare.

“I fried this rice.”)

2. Prepare all the fillings that you are going to use and set aside, such as pickled plums or tuna mayo. Prepare your seaweed sheets.

What you don’t expect is for Miya Osamu to show up at your doorstep the next day with boxes of food, cartons of drinks and a very noisy brother of his in tow. 

“Rin, where can I leave the drinks?” Osamu yells.

“Rin, can I play your PS5?” Atsumu shouts.

You think that they are very different, the Miya twins. Suna takes a minute to finish putting on some clothes (you had answered the door, thankfully. No one wants to see Suna Rintarou in Pikachu boxers) before bursting out of his room.

He’s quick to smack Atsumu’s ‘dirty little setter hands’ away from his precious Playstation, directing Osamu to what constitutes the apartment’s kitchen — a second-hand fridge and the building-installed gas stove that works only if you hit it hard enough. You’re surprised that neither you or Suna haven't died of a house fire or gas poisoning by now.

It doesn’t take long for the other Inarizaki alumni to arrive at Suna’s apartment in a series of doorbell rings. Kita even brings along a large bottle of sake, to which everyone cheers loudly. You don’t understand why they had chosen Suna’s place to have a reunion party. Seriously, wouldn't Onigiri Miya or some other izakaya have been a better choice?

However, there’s free flow of drinks and lots of yummy snacks, so you decide to let the noise wash over you and stand by the food table to pick at the trays of pizza, fried chicken and other finger food. Aran even offers you a drink, smiling sweetly before going off to wrangle Atsumu from trying to initiate a beer chugging competition. Some things just never change, you suppose.

“Having fun?”

You jump and nearly drop the plate of food that you hold.

“You have a horrible habit of scaring people, Miya- Osamu.”

His first name comes out awkward, tumbling off of your tongue as you use a pair of chopsticks to carefully pile back some mentaiko mayonnaise onto a slice of tamagoyaki. Osamu settles into the crook of the kitchen counter next to you with a playful grin on his face.

“Do I really?”

“Don’t forget that the first time you did that, someone nearly got stabbed.”

You pop the tamagoyaki into your mouth. It’s delicious — the egg’s sweetness balances out the salty sauce. You wonder if there’s enough left on the tray for seconds. 

“How’s the reunion going?” you ask nonchalantly, and shuffle a few centimetres away from him.

You hope Osamu doesn’t notice that. He does, however, but chooses not to comment on it. He brings up a hand to scratch at his neck, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly. He’s close enough for you to get a whiff of whatever cologne he’s wearing. Your head spins for a second. 

“Oh, none of us have gotten drunk just yet. I’m pretty sure we’ll be playing beer pong or something later on.”

You steel yourself against the urge to look at what Osamu is wearing. Don’t look, don’t look, definitely don’t look. Miya Osamu is, has been, a dangerous man to fall in love with. You can’t afford to- 

Perhaps gouging your eyes out would have been a better choice in theory. Even a glance from where you stand beside him is enough to see that not only is he wearing a tight, black T-shirt, Osamu also has a pair of sweatpants on. Is it a sin to wear sweatpants? Probably so, especially with the way it makes your throat run dry. 

“Beer pong, huh?” You try your best to mumble somewhat nonchalantly. “Who won the last time?”

“Kita.”

“Kita?!” you gasp. 

Even that’s enough to make you forget about Osamu and his stupid (and very sexy) sweatpants. 

“Yeah, right? That was the first time he participated. All of us got left drunk in the street, so we decided to do it at someone’s place this year.”

You let out a soft laugh at the thought of a bunch of grown men piled over each other on the road. You don’t particularly like the thought of cleaning up after them tonight, though. 

The lack of words between you and Osamu descends into snorts of laughter that trickle in from the tiny living room. Aran throws his head back, drink nearly spilling out of his cup. Ginjima laughs so loud you see Omiomi cover his ears and Suna holds his phone up, filming every second of Atsumu’s defeat. 

Osamu opens his mouth as if to ask you something.

“C’mon! Yer killin’ me, Kita-san!” Atsumu yells, socked feet and waving arms trying to match the onscreen character’s movements.

Kita, on the other hand, is scoring perfect marks without as much effort wasted. You giggle to yourself as he moves his hips, shaking them here and there. A small smile quirks his lips upwards as he finishes with a flawless ending move on ‘Ice Cream’, the Just Dance characters fading into oblivion on the screen. Atsumu crumbles to the floor in defeat. 

Osamu’s lips form a straight line as he watches you laugh along, raising a hand to cover your mouth. He curses Atsumu’s birth and swallows back his embarrassment.

“Did ya see that, Osamu? Oh- Kita-san is so good at everything!” you gush.

“Atsumu just sucks.”

When you laugh, Osamu thinks something in his chest lurches. Regret makes his head go foggy and leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

3. Place cling wrap over a rice bowl. Place some of the cooked rice over the centre of the cling wrap and make a well.

“No way ya got a love letter!” Atsumu yelled.

“Ya get yer fair share. We share t’same face, why shouldn’t I get some?” Osamu retorted, rolling his eyes. 

Suna watched as the twins began to gripe and argue about who was the better looking sibling again. Nothing unusual, really, given how this occurred every odd day of the week.

“S’gotta be a prank. No way someone likes a loser like you,” Suna mused.

In retaliation, Osamu threw him a stink eye. “You two are just jealous,” he sniffed.

The letter had been written on pretty pink paper, all hearts and cute handwriting as his secret admirer asked him to meet them on the roof after school. Not that Osamu wasn’t affected by it, of course. It always rubbed his ego the right way to know that someone preferred him over Atsumu. Though, it wasn’t like he was interested in anyone then. It only took a second before Osamu ripped the letter in half.

“Woah woah woah! Yer crazy! Whatcha gonna do if some pretty girl gave that to ya?” 

Atsumu’s eyes widened in shock, almost reaching forward to grab the shreds of letter that Osamu had torn up. 

“Does it matter? S’not like I’m interested in datin’ right now,” he replied.

“Seriously? What if she’s like, super duper hot!”

Osamu’s face screwed up. “Are ya a horndog?”

Just as Atsumu was about to shout at his dear brother again, you opened the door to their classroom and hurried in. You had a bento box in hand and a cute pout on your face as you placed it on Suna’s table.

“Rin! You forgot your bento at home again!” 

“Oh.” Suna blinked. “Thanks.”

“Seriously, you gotta stop forgetting your things! I can’t be bringing them to you all the time-”

“Hey, Suna.” Atsumu perked up, referring to you. “Would ya go on a date with Samu or me? Me, right? Definitely me!”

Your face flushed with heat. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“‘Samu got a love letter in his shoe locker this morning. Cliche, huh?” your brother said between bites of his lunch. 

“Mm, yeah. Cliche,” you mumbled. 

You looked around anxiously for any sign of the love letter. Was it in Osamu’s bag? 

“Can ya believe he tore it up?” Atsumu laughed.

“What?”

Your heart felt like a stone in your chest as you froze, your blood running cold. 

“Yeah! This dumbass doesn’t know how t’appreciate anythin’,” he replied, smacking Osamu on the back of his head.

His twin responded with a muffled growl as he continued to scarf down his absurdly large bento. You fiddled with the cuffs of your sleeves, staring down at your feet. You were quick to bid the third years goodbye as you fled their classroom as an inexplicable ache spread through your chest. 

You didn’t focus on your classes for the rest of the day. The fact that Osamu had torn your love letter, written with all your heart and soul as you crumpled draft after draft last night, tipped you over the edge of your fantasies and had you plummeting straight into reality. 

“Oi.”

You looked up from your feet, glancing up at Suna. The both of you were swapping your indoor shoes for outdoor ones, but you had absentmindedly stopped in the middle of slipping your right foot into a shoe. It was nearing the time where they closed the school gates, so there weren’t many students around save for the odd volleyball club member.

“What’re you doing? Put your shoes on properly,” he huffed.

“Sorry,” you said quietly, and slammed the locker door shut once you were done.

You walked a few feet ahead of Suna as you approached the school gate. Your head drooped with each step, tears beginning to mist your eyes. You willed yourself to hold it in till you got home, till you were in the safety of your bedroom to start sobbing your little heart out. Suna tugged on your wrist.

“Are you crying?” he questioned.  

You shook your head quickly, rubbing your eyes with the back of your sleeve.

“Oi. Answer me.”

This time, his voice was a little softer, yet held a mixture of irritation and anger behind a crumbling wall of apathy. Who had been the one to make you cry? 

“It’s nothin’,” you choked out. “Let’s just go home.”

You turned your face to the side as tears continued to roll down your cheeks, muffled cries turning into heartbroken sobs. Something inside of Suna’s head clicked. 

“It’s Miya Osamu, isn’t it?” 

You had to bite on your lower lip to stop it from trembling.

“That bastard tore up your letter, didn’t he?”

You gave Suna the tiniest of nods. He let go of your wrist and whipped around, eyebrows furrowed together. Not wanting to date was one thing, but treating your confession like dog shit was something else. Fortunately for him, the Miya twins were changing their shoes in the getabako.

“‘Samu!” Suna yelled.

The gray haired male looked up with a face of confusion.

“Suna? Whaddya want-” Osamu wasn’t able to say anything more as Suna’s fist collided with his face.

Atsumu jumped back with a yelp as the both of them crashed to the ground. Your hands flew to cover your mouth.

“Rin! Stop it!” you cried out.

You dashed over, tripping over your own feet as you tried to pull Suna away from Osamu as they traded blows. It took the work of you, Atsumu and Ginjima (who had been unlucky enough to pass by) to tear the two apart, and even then Osamu was still struggling in his brother’s arms to be let go.

“What t’hell, man!” he snarled. 

Suna wiped his nose, glancing briefly at the crimson that stained his school uniform. The adrenaline was beginning to run low and pain began to settle into his fists and ribs. His shoulders heaved with each breath, and your hands clutched his shirt.

“Rin. No more, please,” you begged, pressing your forehead against his back. “No more.”

Suna hated the way your voice trembled as you spoke. He didn’t think it was fair for you to bear the burden of pain while Osamu got to walk away unscathed, leaving you broken in pieces. His fist curled up again.

“It’s not worth it, Rin.”

Suna took in a shaky, deep breath.

You were right.

Miya Osamu wasn’t worth it. 

4. Put about 1tbsp of the filling of your choice on the centre of the rice and cover it with rice.

A week comes and goes after the annual Inarizaki reunion. You’re still finding sticky stains on the floor, as well as food wrappers tossed behind the sofa. Suna sends the group chat a video of you yelling at all of them while wielding a mop with so much fervour Aran asks if you broke it. Atsumu actually apologises and Osamu offers to come over and help clean up. The entire group chat flames him immediately.

As per last week, you walk into Osamu’s cooking class at 2p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon. It’s hot outside, droplets of perspiration rolling down your nape. The cool air-conditioning of the classroom is much appreciated and you don your apron behind the gaggle of housewives. You catch snippets of their conversation as they put their items in the cubbies provided. 

“Tanaka-san, did you see the mushrooms that were on sale this Monday?”

“My son is attending this cram school this summer. Here’s the address!”

“My father-in-law keeps complaining about the heat…”

“Good afternoon, everyone.”

“Miya-san!”

Everyone perks up when Osamu walks through the door. They’re quick to surround him, asking how his day had been. You look tired, take this ginseng drink! It really revitalises your spirits! Did you get a girlfriend yet, Miya-san? My daughter is single, you know! 

You watch as Osamu walks behind his bench, all smiles and “Is that so, Shigeru-san?”. Polite enough to please them, but not enough to make them think that he actually wants to go on a date with their 34 year-old daughter who’s a tired office worker looking out for potential husbands like a hawk. He lets out a heavy exhale, using his cap with the Onigiri Miya logo on it to fan himself.

“Hot today, isn’t it?” he chuckles.

You think that maybe he’s the one that’s making this summer so warm, especially with the way that his shirt clings to his figure and his flushed cheeks that make him look adorable. 

Wait.

You do a double take. Ah, adorable. You must have meant that heart-print apron that Tanaka is wearing today. It is pretty cute, and you wonder if you should ask her where she got it from later on. Definitely not Osamu with his perfect smile that would make anyone’s heart skip a beat, and definitely not when it’s directed at you.

“Gather around everyone! We’re going to be making gyoza today!”

The demonstration goes as usual — Osamu impresses the housewives, they gasp and someone even touches his forearm and asks “How did you get so strong, Miya-san?”. Not that you care, of course. You certainly don’t. What you’re more concerned about is how Osamu manages to make wrapping the fragile gyoza seem so easy. 

Your fingers pinch at the thick dough, eyebrows furrowed together. No matter what you do, your filling keeps spilling out of the wrapper and so you’ve opted to try out for a thicker piece this time. Not that it really matters — Suna will be the one suffering from food poisoning if it turns out bad, anyways.

“Ah, yer made it too thick,” Osamu says as he strolls over. 

You tense up as he leans over your shoulder, peeking at the chubby gyoza in your hands. You pretend not be affected by how close he is and continue pinching the wings of the dumpling shut.

“They keep bursting,” you sniff. 

“Maybe ya put t’much filling?” Osamu suggests. “Here, lemme show ya. Put tha’ one down and grab a new wrapper. Yeah, just like that.”

You stiffen as Osamu flours his hands and cradles your hands in his. 

“Here ya go. That’s t’much, scoop out some more. That’s it. Now gently…”

Blood rushes to your face as you feel the warmth of his skin seep into yours, his hands rough from years of training and cooking. Scars adorn the tips of his thick fingers and knuckles. You suddenly feel the urge to gently trace them with your thumb, to ask him how he got each one of them. 

Would he let you? Let you so close, that perhaps you would be the one to know every single thing about him?

“You did it!” Osamu says cheerfully. 

He suddenly pulls away, making you plummet back to reality. A perfectly made gyoza sits in your hands.

“I’m looking forward to tasting your gyoza later on. Now keep trying!” 

You’re left dumbfounded as Osamu walks away to help out the other housewives. They stammer and blush when they get too close, but he never holds their hands in his own, never smiles as gently as he does with you.

You place the gyoza on a pan and put the lid on with a little bit more force than what is necessary.

5. Wrap the cling wrap over the rice and squeeze and mould it into a triangle shape with your hands.

You try not to make contact with Osamu after that. Attending his cooking classes becomes a game of cat-and-mouse, where you try to tell him ‘I don’t need any help, Miya-san’ and watch him crawl away in defeat. In fact, you decide to skip the lesson on making hamburgs and instead spend the afternoon watching television.

After all, from what you’ve learnt in the past, Osamu is nothing more than trouble. You think it’s worth the sacrifice now to put some space between the both of you so that you don’t end up heartbroken a second time. 

Though, you do feel a little bad. Just a little bit. One day when Suna’s out at training, you hear the doorbell ring and Osamu’s voice ring through the genkan. You hear his feet shuffle by the door and a heavy thump outside before he leaves. You only open the door when you hear his car pull out of the apartment building’s carpark, and find a packed bento lunch for you in front.

You try to pretend that the bunny cut apples and sakura shaped carrot slices don’t mean anything.

“Ah, Suna-san! Where were you last week?” Tachibana titters as you step into class for the final lesson.

“I wasn’t feeling very well,” you lie. “I think I caught a summer cold.”

“Oh dear, that sounds terrible!” the ladies chorus together. 

You think they’re probably just glad that you didn’t get in the way of their beloved Miya-san. You tug your apron over your head, and ignore Osamu when he greets everyone. His eyes linger on you for a little too long during the demonstration — to the point that he actually burns the skin side of his salmon fillet.

Osamu skirts around your bench like a nervous puppy when the demonstration is over. You don’t seem particularly keen about talking to him, though the tips of your finger tremble when he finally plucks up the courage to stand next to you. It’s not close enough for your elbows to touch, but close enough that he can whisper to you without anyone else hearing him.

“Hey,” he begins, uncertain. His voice wavers slightly.

“Hey,” you reply, wary of what he might say. 

“Are you okay?”

You take a moment to think, tipping the sake bottle carefully to measure out an exact tablespoon of it. He wonders when your hands have seemed so delicate, so small. He aches to hold them in his own again. 

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good.”

It’s quiet, again. Just like that night in Suna’s apartment, with all the noise of the reunion going on around you, except this time it's the clanging of pans and utensils, paired with the chatter of many ladies. 

“I was thinking…” Osamu stares down at your hands, turning the measuring spoon over so that sake splashes onto the hot pan with a sizzle. “Maybe we could get a drink together after this?”

You cover the pan and watch its surface cloud up with condensation. You hide your shaking hands by digging them into the pockets of your apron. 

Osamu swallows. Perhaps he had been too direct with you; scared you off with how quickly he was advancing. Or did Suna tell you to be careful of him? That he didn’t want you falling in love with him a second time? There’s no lie about it, that Osamu had been a grade A asshole back in high school.

But he loves you now; has loved you since then. Would you be willing to give him a second chance?

“Osamu,” you breathe.

His shoulders relax slightly when you don’t call him by his last name. 

“I don’t know what to do.” 

Your voice comes out timid, scared. Osamu’s heart crumbles at the edges. He wonders if you would hate him if he reached out and took your hands in his once more. You’re both adults, perfectly capable of rational thinking if only your hearts hadn’t gotten in the way. Love hurts, they said. You want to agree. 

“We can start it out slow,” Osamu suggests.

“I’m supposed to start my new job next month. I won't be in Nagano for much longer.”

“I’m opening a branch in Tokyo.”

“I’ll be busy settling down. We might not get to see each other often enough.”

“A little is better than nothin’.”

“You’re my brother’s friend.”

“Now, yer just picking at nothing, babe. Didn’t you have a crush on me back in high school, too? That didn’t stop ya, did it?”

Your heart wrestles with your brain, insisting on comfort and that love will always come in the form of someone that isn’t Miya Osamu. You’ll find someone, but will they be better? Will they send food to your doorstep, or send you stupid photos of dogs he saw on the street? Will they chase after you relentlessly for years, will they be Osamu?

A lump forms in your throat and you wonder if this, has been, is love. You tear your heart out from within you and let it cling to your sleeve, as pathetic and scared it is. You don’t mind if it hurts. To never hurt is to never have lived, to never have loved. 

By this point, your eyes have misted up with tears and it hits you- You’re about to cry about your crush in the middle of a cooking class attended by middle-aged ladies. You’ve never been more embarrassed. 

“Really?” you whisper, looking up at Osamu with glittering eyes. 

He ignores the “Miya-san! I need your help!” that rings out in the background. He smiles gently.

“Yeah, really.”

A tear slips down your face. Osamu lets out a breathy chuckle as he swipes it away with his thumb, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

“We’ll talk properly after this, alright?” 

You nod numbly. You watch as he hurries off to Shigeru, gasping when he sees how she had completely butchered her fillet. He turns back to you, trying to hold in a snigger. 

You giggle.

Osamu thinks he wants to hear that laugh forever.

6. Remove the cling wrap and cover the bottom of the rice triangle with a nori sheet and set aside.

“One extra large bonito onigiri with spring onions!” you cry out from the counter.

Back in the kitchen, Osamu and another part-time worker scoop steaming rice out of large vats and use their hands to mould them into perfectly shaped triangles. A scoop of filling goes in and a strip of seaweed is wrapped hastily around the onigiri before it's sent to you to package. You place the onigiri carefully into a box and slip it into a paper bag with the shop’s logo on the front for a take-away order. 

The shop is filled with customers even on a Wednesday afternoon. The clock shows 2p.m., past lunch time, yet you can see a queue that snakes out of the shop and down the alleyway. 

Another long day ahead, you think to yourself. 

“It’s our turn!” a little girl squeals as she takes the bag from you, opening it up to peer at the huge onigiri inside. “Mama! ‘giri!” 

Her mother laughs and pats her head. “Don’t forget to say thank you, Haru.”

The girl turns to you, eyes sparkling. “‘Fank you, Miya-shan!” 

A cheery grin almost splits your face in half. Miya-san. Four years on and it still makes your stomach flip whenever you hear that Osamu’s last name has become yours. It was an easy decision for the both of you to get married, really. You had loved each other for years and all you wanted to do in the end was to spend the rest of your lives together.

You quit your office job just before you got married to help Osamu out with the new Onigiri Miya branches. It took some getting used to, but the familiar customers and bright smiles that you see just by serving onigiri each day makes it worth it. It’s tough work, no doubt. But doing what you enjoy with the man you love is more rewarding than it ever could be.

Though, it’s not like your relationship has always been smooth sailing. There are days when you bicker over something stupid (like how you always forget to close the lid of the rice cooker), or when Osamu insists that he isn’t overworking himself (although his eyebags tell otherwise). But love’s a recipe with a few secret ingredients, and you’ve come to master it over the years. 

“Come back soon!”

The shop is filled with the fragrant scent of freshly cooked rice and bonito flakes being stir-fried into furikake. Customers perch on tiny stools as they scarf down onigiri of different shapes and sizes, licking their fingers clean. A plush toy of Onigiri Miya’s mascot sits on the counter next to a potted plant that Atsumu bought (which is surprisingly still alive).

A photograph of the third Tokyo branch’s grand opening hangs on the wall. You and Osamu hold up a bouquet of flowers, smiling toothily at the camera, your wedding rings glinting in the sunlight. 

“One medium onigiri with tuna mayo, coming right up!”

You jump as Osamu shouts out the order suddenly and you nearly drop the onigiri that he hands to you.

“Woah, careful there,” he chuckles, a hand ghosting the small of your back.

“You have ‘ta stop scaring me, ‘Samu,” you huff and roll your eyes playfully.

Osamu grins at you and the edges of his eyes crinkle up. You place the onigiri safely into its packaging and place it on the counter for a customer to collect, before turning back to plant a kiss on his cheek. Osamu’s face flushes pink and he hurries away, mumbling something about bonito flakes.

Your heart soars in your chest.

Yeah, it has been, will be, worth it. 

7. Repeat the same steps as above to use the rest of the rice with other fillings that you prepared.

[charming-charlie]

Washed Away pt. 5

Title // Washed Away pt. 5

Pairing // Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings // Mentions of death and a missing kid.

Summary // Who knew hanging out with Buck and Christopher for a day would lead to a life or death situation?

Word Count // 2.5k

Prompt // Hi! Can i request a fic where you were with Buck & Christopher when the tsunami hit? They could be dating or crushing on each other. If nothing comes to mind, then it’s completely fine to ignore this request! Have a nice day!’

Author’s Note // This is the final part of the Washed Away series. || Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

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The sun had set. The day was over, but that doesn’t mean the situation is. You and Buck had been wading through the water for hours, heading to the last place someone said they saw Christopher.

Exhaustion was starting to settle in. You were sore all over too. It felt like you just finished running up and down a flight of stairs non-stop while carrying a bookbag full of weights. Your shoulders hurt, your legs felt like they were going to give out any time soon, and your body was so dehydrated from soaking up and drinking in a lot of saltwater that you pretty much felt delirious.

Finally, civilization was within reach.

A makeshift help spot was set up near the bakery where you and Buck were headed. Water bottles were being passed out and you reached out to grab one. How could something so common look so precious, like it was made of gold?

You twisted off the cap and downed half of it in three big gulps and handed the rest of it to Buck. He finished off the water, nearly gasping for breath by the end. He was exhausted too. You didn’t even know how long you two were walking and the little help was most appreciated.

The people around you looked worse for wear. You couldn’t imagine the struggles they went through to try and save themselves or what their story could be. You were sure it was similar. Everyone lost someone or something in the tsunami and you knew it was going to be hard to get over that.

Then again, did you really want to?

The whole event gave you a new outlook on life and appreciate what you have. You didn’t appreciate your job enough, but you were grateful now. You were a school nurse and you realized you love those kids that you looked after. You loved Christopher, having seen him and checked on him many times thanks to his worrisome father, and it would break your heart to never see that little boy again.

Now is not the time to think about those things. You didn’t know for sure. Let’s not focus on the what ifs.

For a moment, Buck swore he saw Christopher. He saw a little boy clinging to the leg of some woman, and he let out a relieved sigh, only for his eyes to play tricks on him. It wasn’t Christopher at all.

“Mister, are you okay? You’re bleeding,” a nearby passerby said, and Buck glanced down at his hand.

Sure enough, he was.

There was a cut of some kind, and the two of you didn’t even realize it. You frowned, mentally kicking yourself and cursing yourself out for not realizing Buck’s injury. The ex-firefighter sat down, looking worse for wear and you grabbed his hand carefully while examining it.

You ripped off a strip of your shirt to use as a bandage and Buck’s eyes sort of glazed over. Due to his adrenaline, he probably wasn’t feeling any pain.

“What am I gonna do?” Buck whispered as you tended to him, “how am I gonna tell Eddie?”

You said nothing, because you knew whatever you did say wouldn’t exactly be helpful. However, you were there. Side by side, you were there with Buck and Christopher today and everything Buck did was for that little boy. You never seen someone care so much the way Buck does. He has such a good heart and for once, you were hoping against hope that things would work out in his favor. He didn’t deserve this.

After a bit of a break, including some water to get both of your heads on straight, you two were back to the grind. This time, you didn’t have to walk for long.

There was an old mall or hospital, you couldn’t be sure, that somehow turned into a makeshift triage center not too far from where you and Buck were. The two of you practically dashed over to the building and its tents, being careful since there wasn’t a lot of strength left between you.

Buck was looking in the beds, glancing around for anyone that even remotely passed Christopher. You hijacked a few clipboards, searching for Christopher’s name anywhere you can but you both came up empty.

“Eddie dropped Christopher off with me,” Buck began talking to you and you could hear the defeat in his voice. It sounded like he was fighting the feeling of giving up, but he was on the cusp. “He thought it would get me out of my apartment and… out of my head. And you know what I did? I brought him to the pier. I had him, I kept him safe. And then the three of us were on top of the ladder truck and the water receded, and for a moment I felt like I got this. I had you, I had Christopher, and we would be fine. And now Christopher is gone. We checked everywhere. And now I realize I failed. I’m a failure no matter how you look at it.”

You could hear your heart cracking as you listened to him, and you knew nothing you said would change his mind. He was beating himself up over this situation. He did everything he could, and he was still handed the short end of the stick.

Finding Christopher at the makeshift hospital was the last bit of hope he had and now it was gone. You could see the defeat that wavered in his voice and how it hid behind his eyes.

And if that didn’t help the situation, there was Eddie Diaz, tending to a few patients himself. He wore blue latex gloves, had the navy fire uniform on, and was directing a few people into the hospital. Buck nearly choked back a sob as the realization of what to do next was hitting him faster than a wall of bricks.

He had to tell Eddie, and you were going to be right by his side when he did.

However, Buck dashed behind a white tent, pulling you along with him. Turns out he wanted to hide instead of face Christopher’s father.

“Buck,” you said slowly. Your voice was hoarse from lack of water and from shouting Christopher’s name all afternoon with Buck. You felt like your vocal cords were ripped to shreds at this point, but you soldiered on. Now was not the time to accept defeat. “You have to tell him.”

“How?” Buck answered as he looked at you. His hand slowly slipped into your own, and you squeezed his fingers tightly. “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?”

“He’s his father. You have to tell him that Christopher is missing,” you said, knowing this was the only chance he had right now.

Buck shook his head, not wanting to hear it. “No, I need to keep looking for him. I need to find him.”

One of your hands instinctively went up to the side of Buck’s face, caressing him lightly. You still couldn’t believe the man in front of you wasn’t giving up just yet, even though maybe he should. You hated the train of thought you were currently on, but Buck was exhausted, and he lost some blood. Plus, it didn’t help that he was severely dehydrated, much like yourself. The two of you were in no condition to continue searching. You probably wouldn’t make it if you tried. You both needed to rest up and regain your strength.

“Buck,” you heard the voice before you saw who it belonged to and your head whipped around to see Eddie. The man was heading outside to continue helping and he looked a bit surprised to see his best friend standing there. Then his eyes fell on you, and the look of surprise seemed to double. “Nurse Y/N, what are you both doing here? Are you okay? Wait, where’s Christopher?”

There was no time to prepare a giant speech. Eddie Diaz was right there in front of you both, and it was now or never. You let go of Buck as you turned to face the father of one of your favorite patients, ready for what was about to happen. This was a conversation you were dreading, and you couldn’t imagine the internal conflicts Buck must be going through as he mustered up the courage to say what happened.

“Eddie…” Buck interjected in between Eddie’s many questions, and the army vet stopped talking.

For a moment, the two best friends stared at each other, like Buck was hoping Eddie would get the hint without saying anything, but you knew that would be the cowardly way out. If there was one thing you learned today, it was that Buck was not a coward. Not now, not ever.

“Me and Christopher… we were at the beach, and I swear to you…” Buck was choking on his words and you squeezed his hand again for support.

Eddie was nodding, trying to understand, but the look on his face was heartbreaking. It was like if he didn’t hear it, it wouldn’t be true.

“I tried… and I just… but I… Eddie, I just don’t know how to say it. Um, he… he um…” Buck couldn’t get through it. He was stumbling over the words and Eddie’s eyes were brimming with the threat of tears as Buck tried to get the words out.

What made it even worse was that Eddie couldn’t even look at Buck. The army vet was looking behind his best friend, like he needed to avoid eye contact with what Buck was saying.

“Christopher?” Eddie questioned softly, like he needed clearance on what Buck was saying, but your gaze followed Eddie’s. A woman had stepped off a truck, carrying a small child. Your heart almost stopped, and you pulled on Buck’s arm to get him to stop talking.

Eddie slowly walked past you and Buck, and he approached the woman. Slowly, Buck turned around to follow Eddie feeling like this was Eddie’s way of coping with denial.

“Christopher?” Eddie called again, and like music to your ears, you heard the little boy shout for his dad.

The woman was carrying Christopher the entire time, bringing him to safety. Tears exploding out of your eyes once you realized what was going on and you stole a glance at Buck. Buck looked elated, like he was about to cry from relief as well. Christopher was alive and in Eddie’s arms, and there was no greater feeling than that.

“Buck, what happened to you?”

Suddenly, the fire crew of Station 118 popped into view. You didn’t know them personally, but you could venture a guess who from all the stories Christopher was told you during his visits to your little office at the school.

Captain Bobby Nash stood in front of the two of you, and he looked deeply concerned. He looked back and forth from you to Buck before asking, “Are you two okay?”

However, your exhaustion was caving in, along with Buck’s. The two of you practically collapsed to the floor and the fire family scrambled to hold onto both of you. That was the last thing you remembered, passing out next to Buck in the arms of his old crew.

It took a while, but the city was in clean up mode. You and Buck had a nice, extended stay at the hospital, hooked up to fluids and oxygen before given a clean bill of health. You were discharged first, since Buck had some lacerations that needed stitching up but the two of you texted nonstop while he regained his strength.

You went back to your job as the nurse at the elementary school, although you also became sort of a guidance counselor to the kids. Turns out, when you were checking for lice or fevers, they needed someone to talk to and you could just relate to them in a way. You were a familiar face in all the chaos, someone they needed to hold onto in order to make sense of things.

Christopher’s appointments never stopped either. In fact, they seemed to be increasing, only because Christopher wanted to talk to you and hang out with you.

“Honestly Eddie, he’s doing fine,” you spoke to Eddie on the phone about his son. You were sitting at your desk, making your daily calls to parents and Eddie Diaz was no stranger to the phone calls. “He’s in good spirits. Nothing is wrong with him, he’s pretty perfect.”

“You know, I never got to thank you,” Eddie’s voice crackled in your ear, “for what you did. Christopher told me how you and Buck saved him, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that.”

The two of you hung up, although there was promises of talking tomorrow. Talking to Eddie was a recurring thing in your life at this point, and you could use the stability.

“Knock knock,” a head peeked into your office, “these came for you.”

The secretary opened your door and placed a bouquet of colorful roses on you desk. There was a white card attached, looking strikingly clean in the middle of the rainbow of flowers.

You pulled off the card and it only said two words.

Come Outside.

Curiously, you stood up and grabbed your stethoscope, draping it around your neck. You never went anywhere without it now, and you weren’t sure what kind of situation you were getting yourself into. You rounded a corner and pushed open the heavy steel door that led to the front of the school. There, standing in all his glory, was Evan Buckley with the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

“Thank you very much for the flowers,” you said as you smiled at him in return. “Why didn’t you tell me you were out of the hospital. I would’ve sent you some breakfast or something.”

“That’s part of the surprise. So, surprise!” Buck said happily as he approached you.

You just smiled at him, letting his arms snake around your waist as he hugged you tightly. Your arms draped around his neck and it felt so good. It felt familiar.

As you pulled away, you were greeted with something else. Buck, with no hesitation whatsoever, leaned in and captured your lips in a sudden and welcomed kiss. It was all you wanted, all you were waiting for, and you let yourself melt into his arms as he kissed you with such force and determination, you knew you would be a puddle of goo by the end of it.

“Let me take you out on a date,” Buck whispered against your lips, his lips brushing over yours with each and every word, “a real one this time. Just me and you.”

Your heart felt like it would leap out of your chest and you couldn’t manage to bring any words out. Instead, you nodded as you leaned in to kiss him again.

This was all you wanted. You’ve never been happier. You finally had the moment you wanted with Buck and now, a date on the horizon. With your luck, it would be the first of many, you were sure of it. There was no way you were going to let this man go, ever.

[storiesofthenight]

@hvbris​ liked for a starter. 

Billy had been released from the hospital only this morning. They deemed him well enough to handle himself now, and he had found himself restless as he’d stepped out into the fresh air. It’d been ages, first he’d been in a coma for weeks and then there’d been the physiotherapy. He had hated every single moment of it, stuck in that hospital, with the doctors and nurses being so nice it almost made him vomit.

He was free, at last. And while he knew he had a place to return to with Max and his step-mother, he simply didn’t have the heart for it yet. Billy was sick of those looks filled with sympathy. He didn’t need sympathy, ... He just wanted everyone to act normal, even though nothing would ever be normal again.

Slowly, Billy had made his way to the lake in the woods, his muscles burning from walking so far. The scars itching like hell as he tried to ignore it to the best of his abilities. He’d had the urge to run, and had attempted it too, but he hadn’t even made it to a mile before he’d had to stop. His lungs aching, his head dizzy. So, he’d walked, walked until he stood before Lover’s lake at a secluded part of the forest. 

There, on his own, he took his shirt off, for the first time being alone as he looked at the scars that now littered his upper body. He’d kept himself strong in the hospital, hadn’t shown one moment just how sick he felt seeing them. They didn’t know what the extend of his trauma was exactly. The story had been a fire, the mall had caught fire, but how Billy had ended up with those specific injuries they’d never known. And he’d never spoken up, knowing that they wouldn’t believe him anyway.

They made him angry, the scars. Angry, scared, sick ... ashamed. It were feelings that his father had usually brought up in him whenever he’d cornered him, whenever he’d raised his hand. But there’d been an escape to that. This however, the feeling of that monster taking him over, pushing him back into a smaller corner of his mind as his body did its bidding, letting him scream and fight as he tried to break the control. 

With a sigh of frustration, he rose to his feet, walked over to the nearest tree and punched it. HIs body protesting as pain flared up in his hand. “Fuck!” His voice low, a growl almost as he punched again, and again. The word fuck a mantra as he repeated it, louder and louder with each punch until he was screaming. He didn’t even notice someone was behind him, not even when he gave a last punch that broke the skin, leaving his knuckles bloody. His breathing heavy as he rested his head against the tree, closing his eyes.