#did I just spend several hours on these? yes. lmao

[necromeowncy]

The progression of their relationship. (Spoiler: G'raha gets to fuck that elf unprotected! 🙌)

[daveydavs]

IM NORMAL IM NORMAL IM NORMAL IM-

[koi-p0nd]

Good morning,afternoon, and nights!

I was wondering if can you do an imagine of reader protecting Anya from jimmy before and after the crash? Which reader always giving a bitchy attitude to j#### and reader giving self defense tools to Anya just in case. (The self defense weapons are a taser,a pocket kn’fe, and a pink decorated pepper spray)

-anonymous

Omg hi hello????? I woke up around an hour and a half ago????

(Am I that good of a writer???? Lmao kidding)

Anya getting self defense lessons and weapons from reader with an attitude? To keep the Bad Stinker Man away? Yes.

Okay, since I'm still trying to get back into writing again, this might be a bit wonky and not really up to what others can make but I'm trying my best here :')

I think imma make like a list or smth, I dunno, but I hope it works :D

I also decided to change the pocket knife to a swiss army knife, thought that she could use the different things on it for more than self defense or to give some more severe injuries to Stinker.

Mouthwashing Anya x Reader. (Platonic)

"Don't be afraid to use force, girl." (Not proof read)

Before the crash:

Way long before the crash, just a few weeks or months after taking off with the ship Anya had told you about getting weird vibes from Jimmy.

It was kind of obvious as to why she would go to you and just quietly voice her suspicions to you, you literally had a tazer and can off pepper spray clipped to your uniform belt out in the open.

She was glad for that, honestly.

After she told you about this, you kept an extra eye on Jimmy whenever he were nearby you and/or Anya. Watching like a hawk.

There was constant bitchy attitude from you towards Jimmy when he and you interreacted. It always pissed him off.

It wasn't pretty arguments and fights over something small and irrelevant.... Swansea, Daisuke and Curly had to often break you two apart....

Not even a week later, you offered to teach Anya some self defense.

Shock and surprise was the only thing that Anya could express for a few moments. Understandable.

Who in the world would offer a colleague, who you barely know anything about, self defense?

Well... You did.

Not out of pity, of course not. You just wanted to teach her so she could beat Jimmy up if she needed to and no one was around.

Anyways

Anya had gladly taken the offer from you. Grateful that you just decided to spend your free time in training her and teaching her things.

Although she felt a little guilty for it.

Hush girly, don't feel bad. You deserve to knock Jimmy's teeth out<3

She was ectsatic and giddy internally when she got her own self defense tools from you; a tazer, a somewhat old swiss army knife and the pepper spray decorated in pink.

You just smiled at how giddy she looked.

After the crash:

After the crash. Hmm....

Things went to hell, basically.

Curly was a burnt, crispy nugget (sorry Curly😭)

Let's just say that Anya has used her tazer quite a lot of times on Jimmy out of spite or when he was getting up in her space.

The pepper not so much, she wants to save as much of it to really bad situations. Since the water supply is not that big on the ship.

The army knife is more used to be a every day life tool, using the various things on it for various things. Has occasionally had the knife of it pointed at Jimmy, as well as the tazer/pepper spray in her other hand.

She is so very gratefull for having you as her self defense teacher. She can sucker punch Jimmy if she feels really fed up with Jimmy.

I hope this is what you asked for :') and sorry if it's bad😭 I'm trying to get my writing skills back...

[thedovesaredying]

Monsters in the Dark | Nikto x Reader | Part 1

First "official" part of Nikto x Reader fic set in the cowboy AU originally created by @ghouljams once again staring our darling Sputnik. Makes a lot more sense if you read the prologue which can be found linked below.

A/N: Did I spend several hours watching Kevin Richardson videos with him hanging out with his hyenas while writing this? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. This also ended up a lot longer than I was expecting lmao.

Warnings: Depictions of Minor Medical Procedures.

Masterlist: CoD Masterlist

Prev Part | Next Part

When working as a rural vet there’s a surprising amount of driving involved. Travelling from the clinic to farms and huge properties miles and miles away for in-person appointments and consultations can understandably take several hours out of your day. Most of the time you don’t even have working cell service to help guide you to your destination and you’re forced to either memorise the route beforehand or turn to your old reliable map.  

You’re new to the area, having decided to spend some time travelling across the US for the potential experience it could offer you. You’ve done plenty of work on stations in the north of Australia, helping jackaroos to manage any illness within their herds, always moving from place to place, and so Texas seemed like the perfect place to start your travels.  

While training, however, you had been given an offer to travel to South Africa to work with the numerous wildlife there both on reserves and in zoos. It was the best year of your life and ignited a passion for working with exotic animals.  

Travelling the US for work was an exciting opportunity to help rural communities with their livestock and to work with the numerous native species you’ve never had the chance to encounter in your everyday life. This little town was just another step on your travels and, so far, hadn’t really stood out to you more than any other small town.  

So, it isn’t out of place for you to be driving down a lengthy driveway through the woods and pulling up to a rundown old house. What is strange, is the huge creature sitting at the top of the porch.  

The hyena is massive. It’s powerfully built with pure muscle, and no doubt would be able to tear you to pieces if it chose to. It’s so distracting that for a long time you don’t even notice the huge man standing beside your car. He looks just as strong as the hyena sitting behind him and you’re not sure how you missed his approach.  

When the lady at the front desk informed you that there was a gentleman asking for a veterinarian with experience handling exotics, you were thinking perhaps a rare lizard, or an uncommon species of parrot. What you weren’t expecting was to see an adult hyena staring you down.  

You’re more than a little reluctant to leave the safety of the vehicle, but upon receiving a jerk of the head from the man, you cautiously exit the car. Not once do you take your eyes off the predator while you quickly grab your bag from the backseat.  

Having dealt with hyenas before, you know better than to show any kind of fear, forcing your shoulders down from your ears and starting to take calm, deep breaths. You offer your name to who you presume is the animal’s owner and hold out a hand for him to shake.  

The man, “Nikto,” as he grunts to you, takes your hand after a moment and gives it a firm shake. You’re used to farmers having a strong grip, so you simply offer the man a bright grin. “I take it this is the patient?” you ask, nodding your head toward the hyena in question.  

The man is clad head to toe in all-black clothing. Typical cowboy hat, black denim jeans, and a shirt that has a high collar and sleeves that reach all the way down to his wrists where they meet with a pair of leather gloves. All regular clothing, albeit a little dark for such a hot climate, but what really sets him apart is the dark neck gaiter covering most of his features.  

You would think it odd for him to be hiding his face on his own property, but you’ve heard that there’s several other ex-military men in the town that also prefer bandanas or masks to showing their bare faces. It looks intimidating, especially given just how huge the guy is, but at the end of the day he’s your client and it isn’t your place to judge.  

“да,” Nikto nods, “this is Sputnik.” He looks you up and down, before asking, “you are comfortable with her, yes?”  

“Uh, yeah, I’ve worked with hyenas before,” you confirm. That, unfortunately, doesn’t make it any easier or less nerve-wracking to be so close to an unrestrained predator. Normally, there’s at least a fence between you and any of the wildlife you’re treating, but hopefully the animal is somewhat friendly given it’s allowed to roam free.  

At your confirmation, he lets out a sharp whistle and snaps out a harsh, “КО МНЕ!” Causing the animal to leap to her feet and sprint across the grass to her owner’s side.  

You try not to jump when Sputnik runs directly toward you but manage to keep a handle on your reactions. Much to your relief, however, rather than tackling you to the floor and tearing your throat out, the hyena starts laughing excitedly and running circles around you. She’s clearly very curious, stopping every few seconds to try and sniff at you from a distance.  

You can imagine it would be an intimidating sight for anyone who has never encountered a hyena before, but she’s clearly just excited to meet someone new. “Is she normally this excited to meet new people?” you ask, unable to resist the smile that grows on your face as Sputnik starts to playfully nip at Nikto’s legs.  

The man huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, “no.” 

You’re beginning to understand that Nikto is not one for making conversation.  

As Sputnik calms again, you watch her wander around the area. The issue becomes clear to you quite quickly in the form of a slight limp on one of her hind legs. She seems to otherwise be bright, alert and responsive, only the sore leg causing her problems.  

You run through the basic questions about the problem, how long it’s being going on, and how her behaviour has been recently. You quickly take notes on her previous medical history while keeping an eye on Sputnik. After taking down her information, you ask Nikto to bring her to one of the old sheds so you can begin the exam.  

She’s a beautiful hyena, and despite not having the behaviour of a domesticated dog, she can somewhat follow her owner’s commands. After seeing Nikto tapping the top of one of the tables, she hops up into a bench for you to more easily inspect her body.  

With Sputnik firmly restrained by her owner, you gently reach out for her hind paw. You softly palpate the area, taking note of the large amount of swelling, particularly in the area between two of her toes. After glancing up to ensure she isn’t getting too stressed, you pull apart the toes, spotting a nasty yellow lump of what is presumably infection.  

As you check over the area, you notice something black sticking out of the wound. With your trusty pair of tweezers you take hold of the object and begin to gently tease it out of the swollen mass. Sputnik’s leg twitches slightly, clearly not happy about someone touching her sore paw, but after a few soft words of encouragement she settles once again.  

Your grip on the object slips a few times, but eventually you’re able to pull it free. It’s a nasty thorn, a whole inch in length that was buried in the poor animal’s foot. Just removing it causes a flood of pus to begin squirting from the wound and you’re thankful for the medical gloves you’re wearing, because it is far from a pleasant smell.  

Sputnik whines, trying to pull her paw away again, but with your client still holding her head in place you can continue to express the rest of the fluid without causing her much more distress. With a small syringe of saline, you quickly flush out the remaining chunks of hardened infection until the liquid runs clear.  

It’s a small enough opening that she won’t need the wound packed or any stitches to keep it closed. Instead, you spray the area with a thick layer of Blu-Kote to prevent any further infection.  

“I'll need to give her a quick antibiotic injection to make sure it won’t come back, just make sure she’s restrained, okay?” You receive a grunt of acknowledgement, then provide the needed shot. Sputnik tries to turn and snap at you, but with Nikto in the way she ends up biting at thin air and growling in frustration.  

You gently rub at the hyena’s back with a loving coo, “what a brave girl, you did so well!” 

After being released she turns to regard you for a moment, before squealing happily and trying to lick at your face. It seems you’re already forgiven for your cruel transgressions against the poor girl. “Looks like this was the cause of the trouble,” you explain, briefly showing Nikto the old thorn you’d removed.  

Nikto turns his gaze to Sputnik, rolling his eyes before gently cuffing her around the back of the head. “Долбоеб,” he mutters, ignoring the way she starts to playfully bite at one of his gloved hands.  

You’re not entirely sure what he said, but no doubt it’s some sort of insult. Not that Sputnik seems to care, hopping down from the table and trotting around the barn as if the last ten minutes didn’t occur.  

“I gave her a strong antibiotic, but spotted hyenas are pretty notorious for their infections being resistant to treatment, so if she starts getting worse or isn’t improving then be sure to give me a call and we’ll look at if there’s anything we need to do,” you explain, keeping an eye on how Sputnik moves on her feet now. 

“Understood,” the man nods, standing ramrod straight with his arms crossed over his chest.  

Clearly this man still isn’t very interested in a conversation, given he has nothing further to add and almost seems to be pointedly ignoring you. It’s a little uncomfortable, but he’s certainly not the first... interesting character you’ve dealt with in your career and he won’t be the last. “Do you have any other questions about the treatment?” you ask.  

“нет,” he grunts, before quickly adding, “no.”  

You nod, offering the man a genuine smile, “well, I’m glad I could help out.” You remove your gloves and quickly start packing away the tools you’d been using, “the office will send through an invoice to your email, so you can pay online or head down to the clinic to pay in person.”  

He just nods, watching you silently as you finish up collecting your tools and placing them back away into your bag. His eyes seem to burn into you, his icy gaze piercing through your body and directly into your very soul. You’re not sure how comfortable you are having your innermost self so openly exposed to someone you’ve only just met, but quickly shake off the feeling.  

As soon as you’re finished packing, you pull out one of your personal cards, handing it to Nikto. He stares at the piece of cardboard for a long moment, and you quickly explain, “my card, it’s got my number on it in case you ever need help.” You can’t imagine how difficult it must be for him to find someone with genuine experience treating large predatory animals and you’re more than happy to offer as much of your expertise as he wants.  

Nikto awkwardly goes to reach for the card with one of his hands, only to pause midway and reach for it with the other one. He fleetingly glances over the card, then tucks it into one of his shirt pockets.  

While you make your way back to your car, Nikto calls Sputnik back over and ensures the animal walks at his heels. She doesn’t seem happy with this command, whining and laughing as she looks between her master and you. She very obviously wants to run after you and play but knows better than to ignore her owner.  

Sputnik sits next to Nikto as the man watches you quickly pack everything back into your car. She keeps looking between you and Nikto, as if silently begging him to allow her to go back to you for more attention, but he stands strong against her sad eyes. It’s cute, really, since it likely means that weaponized puppy dog eyes are an effective tool in getting the stoic man to crumble if she’s still attempting to use them against him.  

Before you hop into the car you give Sputnik a wave, laughing when she cries at you. “Bye, sweetheart!” you coo again, before offering her owner a wave and a smile.  

Looking into the rear-view mirror on your way back toward the main road, you can see both Nikto and Sputnik watching you leave. They’re an odd pair, but it’s been a while since you had the chance to work with such a beautiful animal and you can’t help looking forward to seeing both her and her strange human again sometime soon.  

[nobedofroses]

October 14th

pairing: Pero Tovar x fem!reader

warnings: reader has given birth in the last few months, mentions of nursing

words: 743

a/n: Hmm I don't know that I can count the word "cottage" as a prompt from @illfoandillfie since I had to come up with everything else (lmao ily). Little bit of missing Pero, little bit of reuniting

Directory, Day 13

🎃🎃🎃

A year after your last autumnal visit to the market, Pero was there selling another horse and you were not. You had wanted to go and he had so wanted you to go, but your tiny baby girl, Alma, was too little to travel yet. With tears in your eyes and an oblivious three month old in your arms, you bid Pero goodbye with a sweet, loving kiss that you kind of hoped would be enough to keep him there. It sadly didn’t work, but he did look back several times as he rode away. 

Pero was only going to be gone one night since he wasn’t going to be spending extra time with you in the market and had even offered to make the trip in one day, but you didn’t want him traveling that late or for that long. 

It was surprising all the ways you missed him for just one day. The way he always got up earlier than you so he could build up the fire and bring your housecoat from where you left it by the washbasin like you always did. How he would scoop up Alma after she was done nursing to burp and take care of her so you could rest and relax. The way he spoke to her as he patted her back, telling her about what the plan was for the day with the horses and asking what she was planning to do with her day. 

Thinking about all of this when you fed Alma after he left made you a little misty-eyed as you took care of her by yourself, more out of absolute love for Pero than being sad that he was gone for a day, but it was pretty close. 

You ate your meals with William and Charlotte in the inn so you could have some adult company and because it was strange to cook for one. Plus they loved every second they had with their niece. 

That night, when you were getting ready for bed, you had to build up the fire a little extra. The nights were getting colder and colder and you wouldn’t have Pero to keep you warm. 

In the morning, you went through your normal routine, pointedly trying not to think about the differences you had anticipated yesterday, and instead focused on the fact that Pero would be back in a couple hours. And with him would be goods for not only your home, but some medicines and things for whoever wanted to buy or trade for them in the village. You also knew there would probably be a book or two and something for Alma, which was exciting. 

At lunch, Charlotte half-jokingly offered to take Alma until dinner so the two of you could have a proper reunion. You laughed but said that Pero would want to see Alma as soon as he got home. And he’d have to unpack. And take care of his horse, Fred. Then she suggested taking her after dinner until you came and got her for her last feeding and bed and you readily agreed. 

Pero came back within an hour after lunch. Alma was napping in her bassinet, so you rushed outside to be able to embrace him as soon as he got off his horse. Possibly you had been watching out the window for him. 

His strong arms were around you in an instant. You buried your face where his neck met his shoulder and said, “Pero, oh darling, I missed you so much.” 

“A mi también, querida. So much.”

You loved being enveloped in him like this, but you knew Fred should be unburdened and you shouldn’t leave Alma alone for much longer. 

“Alma’s napping, but I’ll bring her out to you if she wakes up before you’re done,” you told Pero, knowing he’d want to see her as soon as possible. 

“Yes, perfect. I’ll be in as soon as I can,” Pero said before bringing you in for a deep kiss that you weren’t expecting. 

When he released you, you stood there for a second, dazed, until Pero grabbed your shoulders and bodily turned you back to the cottage. You walked back, a little wobbly, and when you got to the door and turned back to look at Pero, he was watching you with a grin. 

You felt your cheeks flush with heat but wondered if maybe you should’ve taken Charlotte up on her first offer.

🎃🎃🎃

[sukirichi]

Okay so I’ve always wondered, let’s say in another universe (but still in the DTD setting but this time he IS infact a prince so all the secrets that were unfold in the later chapters never happened), where Rintaro was actually able to marry Iris and Yuzuru ended up being one of his brother’s wife instead (most likely Kiyoomi’s 🤭), do you think he would probably still be attracted to her after getting to know her as his brother’s wife???

I feel like he would have regardless, but maybe he wouldn’t act upon his feelings since he “loves” Iris so much, or maybe he still… would??? 👀 I mean his actions were pretty unpredictable when he was a prince since he always needed to have it all. But I know for sure that Yuzuru would definitely be loyal to Kiyoomi if she was in love with him first. She would never cheat but I can’t say the same for Rintaro lmao.

Basically I just wanted to know if he would have been attracted to her regardless, or not.

oooOHHHH I love this question! to answer your question I think the answer would be yes! he’d still be attracted to us! I think it starts off slow – that he doesn’t realize what he’s lost until we’re at one of the family dinners and iris is being moody and distant… he tries talking to her, tries lightening up her mood with wine but at that point iris is just her plain, bland, irritable self. and then there’s us, sitting on kiyoomi’s lap, throwing our head back in laughter at whatever he’s saying and his hands are on our waist and god rintaro is seeing red because he used to be in kiyoomi’s position once. he used to be one that made us laugh. and he knows his brother – kiyoomi isn’t that funny. so he just stares and sulks and wonders if he’d done the right thing after all. he’s married his ‘first love’, he’s gotten what he wanted. he should be happy, right? so then why doesn’t he feel celebrating?

if on the same dtd universe though and you mean that rintaro meets us after he’s married iris, and therefore we never went down the route of him wooing us and such, then yeah I still think he’d be attracted to us. and again, he wouldn’t notice it at first. several of his brothers have partners already. it isn’t anything new. but he just can’t help but think you’re so pretty, and his quiet, reserved brother being with someone so bright and bubbly just seems kind of… odd. it makes him curious, so he “observes.” meaning he watches us a LOT. and during gatherings, he learns that you’re so easy to talk to, that you’re so kind and your heart is too big and pure for such a terrible place such as the palace. he thinks maybe kiyoomi made the wrong decision of bringing you into the family, but then he wouldn’t have met you.

one thing leads to another and you’re right, he does have this mindset of “I’m the crown prince, the only true heir, I need to have it all!” would he cheat? hhhhMMMMMMMMM AGAHSJKA emotionally cheat, yes. he’d slowly stop paying attention to iris – which wouldn’t make a difference, since the two barely talk and they seem to be hating each other’s guts through this marriage upon realizing they have no similarities at all, and rin thinks iris is too greedy and bratty – and focus more on you instead. across the dining table, he’ll watch the way your lips move when you speak, wondering what it’d feel like on his.

he’ll “coincidentally” visit the library during your reading hours and pretend he totally did not know you were there. he also totally didn’t read all the books you like just so he’d have something to talk you about. and then he’d innocently ask to walk with you in the gardens simply because he wants to spend more time with you. he knows its wrong, and his feelings are pointless. you’re so in love with kiyoomi that you’d never look at him that way

I hope this answered your question though!! I had fun answering this GAHSJKAA because yes!! he totally would’ve fallen for us regardless 💖

[queenofsimpsblog]

griot - shuri x reader

A/N: LMAO I GOT THIS IDEA IN THE SHOWER AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS SO I DECIDED TO WRITE IT

is the idea dumb? yes. is it gonna flop? maybe. am i still gonna write it? fuck yeah!!

dedicated to @locoforshuri i think ur really cool and i think you might like this so please read it my mutual bb <3

you waddled your way into shuri’s lab. being 4 months pregnant, you became extra clingy than usual and your hormones were all over the place. you figured spending some time with shuri might calm you down a bit.

you walked in and instantly noticed shuri’s frustrated state. you saw the images displayed on the blue screen in front of her, and remembered that this was the project she’d been stressing on a lot lately. it was a security system for the palace. she wanted to reinforce the building as you’d be welcoming a child soon, and wanted to keep it safe so that no harm would ever come to your child.

her muscles were tensed. you slowly walked up to her and covered her eyes with your palms. “guess who?”

“oh, is that riri?”

you swiftly moved your hands from her eyes to slap her on the arm. she giggled and turned around to give you a hug, mindful of your growing baby belly.

“hello, my love. i missed you. and you.” she said, moving down to kiss your baby bump.

“i saw how worked up you looked. wanna take a break and get some ice cream?”

“i’d love to, but i’m almost done with this algorithm. just wait for about half an hour? i promise i’ll be done after that!”

you sighed but nodded. shuri smiled widely and gave you a long, passionate kiss before turning back to her work station. you waddled to one of the couches in the lab and sat down, picking up a magazine on the table next to you to pass time.

after half an hour was up, shuri was almost done with the algorithm, but then accidentally hit the delete button instead of save.

“damnit! griot, can you retrieve the algorithm i just deleted?”

“it appears the recently deleted folder has glitched for some reason. i don’t think i’ll be able to access it.”

“oh for bast’s sake!! i did not design you to be this incompetent!!”

for some reason, hearing shuri yell at griot triggered something in you. you started crying and walked up to shuri, grabbing the end of the table as you tried to stabilise yourself.

“griot, can you hear me?” you sobbed out.

“yes, queen y/n.”

“i’m sorry shuri is being mean to you. she doesn’t mean it. she’s actually really sweet. she’s just a little stressed out right now, with a baby on the way and this thing she’s been working on for so long. i promise she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

shuri was never more confused in her entire life. she knew your mood swings were severe and unpredictable. but this?

what made the situation even weirder is that griot started crying too.

“i do everything panther asks for, and it’s never enough. i know i make mistakes sometimes, but all algorithms glitch!”

the sight was hilarious. just you and griot sobbing together. shuri figured out that there was a bug in her system so she resolved that to make griot stop sobbing.

at first, she didn’t know how to calm you down. but then she realised what she had to do.

“griot.” she cleared her throat.

“yes, panther?” by now griot stopped sobbing and spoke clearly.

“i apologise for my rude behaviour. even though you’re an ai and have no feelings, i must still speak to you nicely. i hope we can move on from this and still work together?”

“of course, panther. no hard feelings.”

you stopped crying after that and wiped your cheeks. you smiled at shuri.

“see, griot? i told you she’s really sweet.”

“what’s sweeter is the ice cream we’re about to have. my lady?” shuri extends her hand and you take it, walking out of the lab together, talking about which flavour of ice cream you’re gonna get and what toppings you’re gonna ask for.

*lil bonus scene cuz you guys deserve it*

when the lab is emptied out, griot plays thot shit by megan thee stallion and quietly sings along.

“i’m a bad bitch”

BAHAHAHAH I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF THE ENTIRE TIME WRITING THIS AND I HOPE I MADE YALL SMILE TOO

[winterchimez]

Love Me Right | Ju Haknyeon

summary: perhaps you and your best friend Haknyeon were destined to be lovers after all

pairing: best friend Haknyeon x f!reader

genre: best friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst & suggestive (only in the beginning)

warnings: bad breakup & arguing (with ex), lust (slightly)

word count: 3,530

a/n: me? writing fluff? unheard of 🤪 jokes i'm usually much better at writing angst/crime fics, but our precious boy hakkie deserves a sweet fluff fic 🥺 i love him sm he's literally my fav comfort person ever, and yes he is my bias wrecker alongside hyunjae lmao 🤧 hope you guys enjoyed this! 🫶🏻🩵

buzz buzz!

The alarm on your smartwatch goes off, giving you the signal that indicates the end of your shift. 

It has already been 14 hours, and you stood up from your chair and did a stretch as you submitted the final report of one of the patients you had to deal with throughout the night.

You originally would’ve ended your shift 2 hours ago, if only one of the ER nurses didn’t call in sick this morning. You shrugged, it happens almost every fortnightly in your department, always being understaffed that is. 

Packing up your belongings, you waved goodbye to all of your co-workers where some were just finishing up as you were while the others had just clocked in for the day and headed straight to your car. 

To make matters worse, it was snowing pretty heavily as you made your way to your vehicle. You had to use your handy-dandy ice scraper to get rid of the snow that formed on the windshield and the sides of your car doors. With that, the first 10 minutes right after your shift ended were gone in the blink of an eye. You hopped into your car real quick and gave yourself a heavy sigh, hoping at least the car ride home wouldn’t be too bad.

Stepping onto your front porch, you dug into your backpack for the keys to your apartment. You wasted no time trying to unlock the door and quickly kicked your boots off as you closed the door behind you. 

Making your way into the living room, you spotted the familiar figure laying down on the couch.

Your boyfriend, Daniel. 

At the beginning of your relationship, the two of you would gladly wait for each other to arrive back home and chat away about how the day’s been for both parties. Now, getting a “welcome home” from your partner is already better than nothing. 

However, tonight was different as you muttered those two words to your boyfriend laying down on the couch. Instead of responding, he stood up with his back facing you and muttered a deep “we need to talk” right back at you.

Already exhausted from your shift, you so badly wanted to ask him to save it till morning when both of you are in much better shape, but that won’t happen tonight as he wasted no time trying to make his way to you.

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. This relationship we’ve been having? I don’t see the spark nor commitment no more.” 

“Please Daniel, what are you trying to imply here-” 

“You work for 12 hours straight each day, God. Sometimes even more than that. I’m off to work while you’re asleep, and you're only back in the house during the wee hours of midnight. What happened to us spending quality time as a couple?”

Your boyfriend certainly had a point there. It has been months since the both of you truly had a good bonding time with one another. As work started piling up for you, you had to always sadly turn down the multiple ideas of your boyfriend’s well-planned dates and vacations. 

Of course, he’d be frustrated and sad. But it was also his responsibility to understand your situation here. You’re a nurse gosh darn it, and he should know damn well how whenever duty calls, you can never say no. That is what he agreed with when you both started your relationship 3 years ago. 

But apparently, the spark that the two of you have been sharing for the several years you both had up till now, has been completely burnt out. 

“Let’s end this, Y/N.” 

To say that you were in tears would be an understatement. 

Hell, you have been bawling your eyes out for the past 2 hours and breaking down in your living room as your boyfriend left your shared apartment after a heated argument. 

You kept blaming yourself, for how much you have ruined this once so-called perfect relationship you have built with your now current ex. Everyone around you said that you both were perfect for one another, that you both were a match made in heaven and the wedding invitations are bound to arrive at your friends and relatives' doorstep in another 2 to 3 years' time.

Including your best friend, Ju Haknyeon. 

Feeling weak and vulnerable, you desperately needed a warm embrace, and to hear some comforting words from someone who cares about you deeply. 

It was now 3 in the morning, and there was only one place you know that you’ll be accepted in. 

You stood right outside of the door that reads Apartment 309. 

You knew this apartment from the back of your mind. The drive route from your apartment, even up to the passcode or where the extra pair of keys are hidden on the front porch.

Instead of trying to open the door on your own, the owner of the apartment has already been expecting your arrival and they were the ones welcoming you at the front door instead.

The brunette male, wearing a white t-shirt with black sweatpants, opened up the door for you. His eyes widen as he examines your red swollen eyes, puffy cheeks, and a wet soaked nurse uniform you were still wearing. 

Before he could ask you what happened, you were pushing the male into the apartment while slamming the door shut with your leg. Guiding him all the way to his bedroom and pinning him down on his bed. You climbed over him and were about to kiss him right on the lips. 

What was going on in your mind? Has the break-up made you feel a sudden surge of lust towards your best friend? Desperately wanting a hug and a kiss to see if it could make you feel better or at least forget about your ex. 

But the male was clearly stronger than you were and he turned the tables over within seconds, and now you’re the one who’s being pinned down on the bed instead.

“Y/N, what is this all about?”

With that one sentence, you then broke down into tears again, leading the male to pull you up and hold you tight against his embrace. 

It’s been a while since Haknyeon has witnessed you in such a fragile state, the last time probably being in college when you and your ex were going through some tremulous times to fight against all odds in order to be together. 

And he hated it. Hated how vulnerable you were at that moment. He hated seeing you cry the most. 

Especially when he still had feelings for you after all these years. 

After calming down for a bit, you finally fill Haknyeon in with all that has happened the past few hours prior. You can’t help but to sob and sniffle from time to time and Haknyeon manages to wipe away your tears and calm you down each time. 

Without having much thought, you blurted out “Haknyeon, be my boyfriend” right there and then. 

Deep down you know very well that this was your best friend’s dream for the longest time, and he would definitely be delighted to accept the offer.

Or will he?

What you didn’t expect was the straight rejection he gave you right after you said that.

“Why not Haknyeon? You’ve had your eyes on me and loved me since day one of high school. Isn’t it always your dream to date me?”

“Y/N. I love you with all my heart. Hell, I would give up anything if it’s for you and to make you the happiest girl alive. But not like this.”

Haknyeon then lets you out of his embrace and cups both of his hands on your cheeks, staring deep into your eyes. 

“I want you to love me when you’re at your best. I want you to truly see the man that I am, and how much I’ve grown. I want you to truly make up your mind because I will not let you go when you’ve decided to begin a relationship with me. I want you to love me right.” 

You have been crashing at Haknyeon’s apartment most weekends for the past two months, and he couldn’t be happier if it makes you feel better. 

During the weekdays though, Haknyeon would make the effort to come to visit you instead while bringing you the best take-out meals from all of his favourite restaurants in town. Your best friend clearly does not mess with food. 

Knowing how messed up your eating schedule was, he has even taken the initiative to plan out your diet.

No consuming those nasty junk food when you’re already low on sleep.

You’d constantly be reminded of your bestie’s words every single time you’re about to head to the drive-thru at Mcdonald's at two in the morning after your shift at the hospital. 

Tonight was different though as your manager informs you that you get to finish your shift way earlier than your usual post, as your department is getting a handful of transferred nurses from the capital. That was good news especially how your hospital has been understaffed for like two to three years now. 

And that 2 - 3 years had to be the time when you were with your ex. 

You shook off the negative thoughts you had in mind and quickly got out your phone to text Haknyeon about you coming home early for the night. 

You were certain he was definitely on his phone when you sent the message because it took him less than a minute to give you a reply. 

Hakkie 🐷: sweets!! I’ve had a big night planned ahead of us, can’t wait to see you at home 😊

You can’t help but smile at the message, thinking about how cute he was at times when he was all giddy and excited, which makes you wonder if you both are really the same age at all. 

Your co-worker noticed your excitement and how a big sincere smile was plastered all across your face. It has been a while since you’ve been this jovial anyways. 

“You got a date tonight?” She nudges your shoulder while giving you a wink. 

Smiling back at your co-worker, you looked back down at your phone staring right at the newly changed picture your friend has chosen for his iMessage profile. 

“I guess you can say that.” 

“Woah Haknyeon, what on earth have you done with your apartment?”

You were astounded by what your best friend has done. The entire living room has been cleared out and Haknyeon took the largest blanket he owned and turned it into a fort. A comfy throw was laid out nicely on the floor with pillows scattered above it. As a finishing touch, fairy lights were hung around the blanket to give it that true cosy movie night experience. 

“You sure are an ambitious young man.” You replied. 

“Since when have you ever gotten off work this early Y/N, I’d say this calls for a celebration, and of course thank heavens that tomorrow is the weekend!!”

“Okay okay, kiddo. What are we watching tonight?”

“Big Mouth, the infamous K-drama everyone’s been talking about recently.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, both you and I are huge fans of crime shows, and we love Im Yoon-ah, so I’d say it’s a win-win situation!”

“More like you are the one who’s obviously obsessed with her.” You protested. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at your bestie's enthusiastic comment. Eventually, you gave in and decided to make yourself comfy. Haknyeon went ahead and made some warm honey butter tteokbokki in his so-called best portable pot that he owned. Of course, a comfy night movie wouldn’t be complete without a warm mug of cinnamon latte according to the food master himself.  

You never expected to have enjoyed the drama this much as it’s been such a long time since you've been to the cinemas, let alone watched a tv series or show at home. You missed this feeling of excitement as you engross yourself in the show’s plot, and of course, having someone to share the same experience with you in the same room. 

As the show progressed, you can’t help but have tears well up in your eyes whenever a sad or frustrating scene appears on the screen. Haknyeon notices your demeanour and quietly puts an arm around your shoulder. Naturally, you decided to lay your head down on his shoulder. None of you said anything but just enjoyed this little comforting moment you both were having. 

Haknyeon truly was your best friend, you definitely didn’t deserve a fine young gentleman like him. 

“So where are we off to this time Mr Ju?”

It was another rare occasion where you’ve gotten a day off from work as your manager has seen all of the extra hours you’ve accumulated over the past several months. 

Since the hospital wasn’t understaffed anymore, your manager has even managed to free up your Sundays from now on. It definitely has improved your physical and mental health as compared to your previous self when you were working 14-hour shifts straight for 7 days a week. 

Your best friend was beyond ecstatic to find out that you’re free for the day, and he wasted no time coming to pick you up early in the morning, insisting on bringing you on a day trip.

So now you are sitting in Haknyeon’s car, and god knows where he’s bringing you to because he wouldn’t tell you what the itinerary even was for the day ahead. 

It was now the beginning of summer, and Haknyeon clearly was taking you somewhere away from the city. Both of you passed all of the highways and eventually ended up on a riverside road just a little outside of Seoul. 

It was kind of a long drive, around 4 and a half hours to be exact. Many times you’ve offered to take over the wheel, but the male insisted that he was fine and you deserve to be in the passenger seat instead. 

“Rude Haknyeon, I’ll show you that I’m just as good as a driver like Sangyeon and Jacob oppa.” You pouted and crossed your arms. 

“Yeah, rather convincing, Y/N. Remember how you were desperately calling for me in the middle of the night back during your first year in college when your car swerved right into a tree because you got too nervous to drive on your own? And oh, may I add, you were also crying over the phone and it took me a good minute to try and figure out whatever you were trying to tell me.” 

“Shut up. We don’t talk about that.” 

Haknyeon was clearly winning this whole debate, and he begin singing his lungs out on his so-called victory song, Young Tak’s Jjin-iya. You on the other hand, were sulking and decided to turn your head towards the window, trying your best to ignore the ever-so-slightly annoying song that was getting on your nerves while taking in the scenery in front of you. 

After 10 more debate topics and bickering (because your friend is a tease like that), you both eventually arrived at your destination. Your friend has brought you to Haeundae, one of the famous beaches in Busan. As you both stepped out of the car, Haknyeon immediately went to the boot of his car and brought out a huge basket filled with whatever items he brought for the day.

He quickly grabbed hold of your wrist and brought you to the beach. There were quite a number of people here today, reasonable as most families and couples would’ve come to spend the good weather out at the beach. But Haknyeon manages to find a quiet spot where the both of you could truly enjoy the peaceful time today.

Haknyeon wasted no time in taking out the first item from the basket, a huge blue beach cloth and laying it down on the sand. Slowly, he took out all of the remaining items from the basket, most of them being food, to be honest.

What surprised you was that he picked out all of your favourite food and snacks that you literally consume whenever you wanna have a cheat or fulfilling day. Japanese fruit sandwiches, onigiris, chips, you name it he has got them. Oh, and yes he brought along his handy-dandy trustworthy Bluetooth speaker he’s been using for years that he loves and swears by it. 

“Since when have you become a chef, Mr Ju Haknyeon. I thought you were a business consultant, not a restaurant owner.” 

“Anything for my bestie, am I right?”. He gives you his signature cheeky smile, and you have to mentally ask your heart to stop beating so quickly. 

Stop being so cute for the love of God. 

With every bite you had, you couldn’t help but constantly give out this mmmmm pleasure sound, indicating how delicious every single meal was, and your friend couldn’t be much happier as it felt like he had gotten a trophy from a race or something. 

You both enjoyed the meal and had a good chat about every single topic that comes to mind. You both reminisce back on the good old high school and college days, where multiple times Haknyeon has saved your ass from being called to detention for being late to class to almost missing your graduation day in college because you somehow lost the high heels that you planned to wear with your matching dress that day. 

It was hilarious catching up with all of the crazy adventures you both had throughout the years, and Haknyeon with his bright and gagman persona made it a lot more memorable.

“I’m so glad you were with me from the beginning, Haknyeon. Never would I have thought to have gone through heaven and hell if I was alone.”

“Likewise, Y/N. I couldn’t have had a better bestie than you.”

You smiled and gave your best friend the biggest hug. “I just wish for us to be together for as long as we can.” 

With that, Haknyeon breaks off the hug and grabs hold of your shoulders, looking deep into your eyes. He hesitated for a few moments, before deciding that it was the right time for him to speak about that certain topic that he has been desperately wanting to for the past couple of weeks now. 

“Y/N. I know you’re probably sick of hearing this from me, but still, I want to make it clear to you. I still love you, even after all these years. I’ve never once given up hope on you.” 

“And?” 

He swallowed. “A-and. I mean, y’know we’ve been getting a lot closer for the past few months, crashing into each other’s place throughout the weeks, having tons of fun and cute movie and date nights at the restaurants in town. I just… wanna let this thing that has been bothering me for weeks now. I don’t mind if you don’t give me an answer, but just hear me out. I-I just… I want-” 

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

“Wa-wait what?”

You chuckled. “Oh my god, Haknyeon. I swear I’m gonna be dosing off to sleep waiting for you to blurt those words out. I know you still love me since the first day we met back in high school in the science laboratory. I gotta say I admire your persistence, young lad. Even what I was still with the ex who shall not be named.” 

A burden was taken off of Haknyeon’s shoulders, and he immediately jumped right back into your embrace while rubbing his cheeks against yours. He was like a puppy who has just gotten their biggest treat yet. 

“Thank you, Y/N. Thank you thank you thank you!!!” 

The hug lasted for a good few minutes, both of you taking in each other’s scent while resting both of your heads on each other’s shoulders. 

That was until Haknyeon broke off the hug for the second time now, as he moved his fingers right onto your plump lips. 

“May I?”. 

“About damn time, Ju.”

No words were needed. He lowered his head and crashed his lips onto yours. It’s like you both have been waiting for eternity for this to happen, how long you both have waited for this day to come. He wasted no time in exploring your lips, kissing you deeper as he tilted his head, and you did the same. 

Breaking off the kiss, he eventually scooped you up bridal style and brought you straight into the waters. As the sun starts to set, you both spend the rest of the remaining time kicking and splashing each other with water at the shore. By the end of the day, you both were soaking wet, but no regrets were made.

Haknyeon then lifts you up in his arms once again, giving you another kiss on the lips as you lean down and wrap your legs around him, both resting your foreheads with one another.

“I love you, Y/N. More than you could ever imagine.”

a/n: yes there will be a part 2 😌

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @flwoie @hokupi @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 (join my permanent taglist here!)

[smloshie]

Turning Page - a Simon Bootles x Reader

Part 1 - 1729

Chapter 2: Cinderella

Foreword: I know literally nobody is going to read these but I'm having so much fun writing that I don't even care lmao

TW: mentions of seizing, demonic imagery, there is also a line describing the feeling of being shot

╔═════════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═════════════╗

I awoke the next morning, and my mind still lingered on Simon. The way he spoke to me with such kindness. The kindness I had only known to be circumstantial my entire life. How sweet his voice was; I could listen to him speak to me all night long. Alas, it was morning now.

A knock rumbled against my bedroom door. I sat straight up and looked at the door. Was it him?

“(Y/N)? It’s Alice. Are you decent?” My excited attitude fell slightly. I was hoping that he would be the first one I would see today. I felt that would be the perfect way to start my day off right.

“Yes, you may come in!” I replied. She opened the door and walked in, straight towards my window. Grabbing the inner edges of the curtains in each hand, she flung it open to let the sunlight in.

“It’s about 10 in the morning, will you be joining us for morning tea and breakfast?” She asked. I might have been playing tricks on myself, but she looked almost hopeful that I would say yes. Then again, she might have just not wanted to be alone with my family without me.

“Of course; who all will be in attendance?” I kicked myself after asking. Had I made it obvious that I was hopeful Simon would be there? As if she could read my thoughts, she answered my question.

“Simon has already left for the city to work today, so it will just be us and your parents.”

“Actually, I may just absent myself today, I’m still embarrassed over last night.”

“I promise you it wasn’t that bad. Once your father sent Simon up to demand an apology, everyone just carried on as if nothing happened.”

“I find that hard to believe- wait… Did you say that father was the one who sent Simon to my room?”

“Yes, Simon said he wished to apologize, but mother and father insisted that he ask for an apology instead. So, he succumbed and left the dinner table… and, well, you experienced the rest.” She explained.

“I can’t believe them,” I rolled my eyes, “That’s so incredibly rude to demand that of him! They are such hypocrites!”

“Shh, keep your voice down; they’re right downstairs!” She said, giggling. I smiled and rolled my eyes once more.

“That doesn’t concern me in the slightest. Let them eavesdrop. It just stands as a testament to their behavior!” I said, “Anyways, as I said, I’ll be absent from breakfast. I may just spend time in the library today.”

“Alright, well don’t hide away all day. Peek your head out every once in a while so we know you’re alive!” She joked. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head.

“Yes ma’am!” I said. She smiled and left my room. I stepped out of bed to put on my slippers and housecoat, and started to make my way to our library. 

Opening the doors, I found myself feeling comfort amongst the literature that surrounded me. How strange, I thought, that this is the only place that I feel at home in my own house.

I walked over to the bookcase and scanned the shelves for a new book to read. I picked out a new addition to our collection, Gulliver’s Travels. Grabbing the book, I sat down in the burgundy leather chairs that I had been on so many adventures on before. Opening the book, I prepared myself for a new experience that I would never forget for as long as I would live.

That one book turned to two, two turned into five, and five turned into several. I looked at the clock above the fireplace and saw that the time was now well past lunch. Dinner would start in an hour. I have just enough time to reread one of my favorites, I thought. I stood up and walked back over to the bookcase for the millionth time that afternoon. Once more, I flipped through book spines looking for the title I craved- but I found nothing. Where was it?

“Terribly sorry, are you looking for this?” I heard a familiar voice say. It was a voice I had been longing to hear again since the night before. I turned around swiftly, with a smile dancing across my face. Simon stood in front of me, with a book in his hand. 

“I didn’t hear you come in.” I said. He held the book out to me and I stepped towards him to retrieve it.

“I can be quite stealthy when I need to be.” He jested, “Cinderella is one of my favorites.”

“I know, it’s the definition of a classic!” I exclaimed in agreement, “I love the story more than all the rest. I know it like the back of my hand.”

“Do you mind me asking what you like about it?” He said, a quizzical look on his face.

“I mean, what’s not to like? A girl in a well-to-do family faces mistreatment at the hands of her own blood. She meets a fairy that makes her greatest wish come true, and she meets the love of her life. Oh! And the best part of their romance is the mystery surrounding it! Imagine falling in love with someone and not knowing a thing about them- except the fact you two are meant to be together. Isn’t that something? The book has such an exceptional ending as well. Her wicked family gets what they deserve, and she lives the life of her dreams,” I sighed, collapsing down on the library couch, “How… magical.”

“It sounds like you love the book because you can relate to the protagonist.” He said, walking over and looking down at me from where he was standing.

“Well, not entirely.” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Her dreams came true, mine could never. But, I think that’s why I love it so much! If I can’t have everything my heart desires, I’m happy that someone else can.” I said, setting the book down on the table next to the armrest.

“And what does your heart desire?” He asked, crouching down in front of the couch. He was now at eye-level with me. Every inch of my being was begging for me to respond with “You.”

“Do you know the woods behind our estate?” I asked. He nodded, not breaking his gaze into my eyes for a second, “That’s what I desire. My family never let me go, claiming it was for my own safety. But, I don’t believe that nonsense. I want to go somewhere I’m not allowed. I want to explore an area that‘s been hidden from me my whole life. There’s something so intriguing about the mystery, don’t you think? ”

“I would have to agree with you there…” He said, trailing off. He looked down at the ground, seemingly deep in thought. I watched his face as the gears in his mind turned and worked. Finally, he spoke.

“Tonight; we will go tonight,” he said.

“What?” I asked, shocked. Could he mean…?

“You heard me, I will take you to the woods tonight. You said your family never let you go so you would stay safe, so let me keep you safe.” He responded. I looked at him in disbelief.

“I… I don’t even know what to say!” I sprung up from my seat and wrapped my arms around him, exclaiming, “Oh, thank you! Thank you Simon!”

He hugged me back, his hands resting on my hips. I felt a chill erupt throughout my body, and yet felt warm at the same time. I liked the feeling of him holding me more than I could ever imagine. We released our embrace, but I was left wanting more. I smiled wider than I have my whole life and looked at him

“I don’t know whether to think of you as my fairy godmother or my prince.” I said, truly meaning every word I said. His eyes drifted towards the ceiling in thought.

“I think I would prefer to be your prince. I’m sure you’ll meet your fairy godmother soon enough.” he said. I looked down at my feet, then back up at him. I could feel the redness on my cheeks start to grow.

We made direct eye contact for what felt like an eternity, until he broke it by glancing down at my lips. My mouth slightly opened to exhale quietly, my heart was beating against my chest like a hammer. He stepped towards me and took my hands in his. I glanced down at them and noticed how delicate my fingers looked compared to his. I watched him raise one hand to where my cheek met my jawline, his thumb brushing against my skin- back and forth. Suddenly, I noticed him inching his head closer, tilting as he did so. I mirrored him, allowing him to guide my head upwards towards him. My heart was beating so intensely that I could feel it in my throat. I closed my mouth and continued to lean forward.

But, as if the universe itself was telling us to wait, the door to the library swung open. We pulled away from each other and looked towards the door, but his other hand still held mine. It was as though he planned to pull me back in as soon as our intruder had left. At least, that’s what I was hoping for.

“Simon, (Y/N), it’s time for dinner.” Alice said. I was glad it was her rather than an attendant, I wouldn’t want all of our workers discussing my personal life amongst themselves. I knew I could trust Alice if she found us in any compromising positions.

Simon sighed and looked back at me. He squeezed my hand and let go, placing both of his behind his back as he addressed Alice. My heart returned to its normal pace but it felt like it had completely stopped in comparison to the drumming I had experienced seconds before.

“Very well, expect us downstairs in a moment.” He said. She smiled and nodded before exiting the room. He turned to face me, a complicated look on his face. Either he was happy that he managed to get close to me, or sad that he didn’t complete what he had longed to do. The only reason I recognized his expression is because I was feeling it myself. He stepped backwards, maintaining eye contact with me.

“So…” he trailed off, “I can expect to see you tonight, right?” 

“Yes, of course. Is midnight an adequate time for us to meet?” I asked. He smiled sweetly as he took another step back.

“Darling, I don’t think I’d last a moment longer.” He said. He finally bowed his head at me and left the room. My body released all of the tension it had built up over the past few minutes. That is to say, I fell face first into the couch and let out an earth-shattering sigh.

✦❘༻༺❘✦

After a dinner free of outbursts, but full to the brim with short glances in Simon’s direction, I retired to my room for the night. Or at least, that’s what I told my family. I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight- at least, not for a few hours.

We met at the bottom of the stairs. He took my hand and led me through the kitchen and out of the back door. My breathing intensified, the realization had hit me. Something I had never seen in all my 20 years of living, was about to have the veil of mystery dropped forever. Simon must have noticed my hesitation, because he stopped walking in the middle of my back yard.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“Nervous.” I replied.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Do you want to turn back?”

I paused.

“Never.”

He smiled at me, and squeezed my hand in his. We trekked on, stepping over branches and roots that tried deliberately to trip us, I’m sure. As much as I wanted to observe the woods and soak in as much of it as I could, it was difficult in the black of the night. Simon didn’t bring a lantern because he didn’t want to draw attention to us, which I agreed would be the best course of action. Still, I wished I could see in front of me.

Finally, we reached a clearing. It was round in shape, with a variety of trees surrounding it. The only source of light emitting from the moon itself, and a few fireflies that were flying about. I wandered to the center and I realized where I stood. I had overcome an obstacle I had faced my entire life, and it felt fantastic. I looked at Simon, who was standing at the edge of the clearing, leaning against a tree. One of the corners of his lips curled into a smile, and his eyebrows softened at me.

“I’m just… so happy.” I said. I ran towards him and grabbed his hands. I pulled him towards the middle of the circle. He seemed apprehensive, but I was eager to experience this together. Once we had reached the middle, I turned to face him.

“How is it that I’ve only known you for a day, and you’ve managed to change my life more than anyone else I’ve ever met?” I asked earnestly.

“I haven’t changed your life, this was all your doing. I’m just giving you some… much needed assistance.” He replied.

“That’s the biggest understatement I’ve ever heard,” I scoffed, “I don’t know where I’d be if not for you.”

“Likely reading books in the library by candlelight.” He reasoned.

“Exactly,” I said, “I would have gone on throughout my days without an idea of what the world had to offer.” I turned away to look at my surroundings once more.

“The world is beautiful.” I sighed. I heard him laugh behind me.

“You’re beautiful,” he said. I laughed, bashfully.

“You really know how to make me feel like I’m the only thing that matters in this world.”

“You are.” said a voice. I froze. 

I looked over my shoulder. Simon was gone. Where he once stood was a black cloud. It was vaguely shaped like a malnourished human, with large holes littered throughout its skin. However, the most striking thing about its appearance was its glowing red eyes. I felt the color drain from my body and settle in my feet, weighing me down. I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed with fear. Either that, or my blood had gone so cold that I had frozen over.

My body may have been immobilized, but my voice was not.

“Simon!” I shrieked, “Help me!”

“Simon can’t hear you.” The monster said. It didn’t have a mouth, and yet it spoke.

“Where is he? What did you do to him? What are you going to do to me?” I asked, but it came out as more of a plea. It dismissed all of my questions.

“My summoner has chosen wisely. You are a beautiful specimen, indeed- and seemingly intelligent.” it said. Compliments don’t feel as flattering coming from a monster.

“Please don’t hurt me.” I said, tears welling up in my eyes out of fear. It responded in one simple sentence.

“You long for freedom, and you will receive it in due time.”

“What?” I asked, in disbelief. I thought fairy tales were exactly that; fairy tales. I never imagined I’d find myself in the shoes of a wicked stepsister. Yet, here I was, tortured by a demon.

It didn’t answer my final question. Instead, it limped towards me like a reanimated corpse. Slowly lurching towards me. I wasn’t frozen any longer, now I just felt an invisible force keeping me from moving.

The monster got close enough to me that I could feel the chill in the air surrounding it. It towered over me. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it jumped towards me with such force that I lost my balance and fell to the ground.

I felt like I had been shot.

All of a sudden, I felt all of the air escape my lungs. I laid with my back on the grass, violently shaking and seizing. I couldn’t scream for help this time. This was my worst nightmare.

“(Y/N)!” I heard a familiar voice yell.

Simon appeared above me and immediately knelt down onto the ground beside me. He put one arm under my head, and wrapped the other under my back… holding me close.

“Si…mon…” was all I could squeeze out of my throat.

“Are you okay? I couldn’t see you! I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I’m so sorry!” He wailed. I wouldn’t have been able to tell he was crying due to how dark it was, but I felt a stream of his tears land on my cheeks.

“You… said you… would ke...ep me s-sa…fe…” I said, though it was more of a whisper. I could feel myself getting weaker, and more of his tears falling onto my skin. It felt like I was drifting in and out of this world.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” He repeated, over and over, until I lost consciousness.

My parents were right, the woods are dangerous.

╚═════════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═════════════╝

[quil12]

souyo + pre-relationship? im a sucker for cringe4cringe souyo they r so bad at flirting (To Me)

I don't know how cringey this one is, but it's what I think of when I think of them pre-relationship lmao

Yosuke groaned, leaning back against the floor of the dungeon. 

He had just gotten hit by a particularly nasty electricity skill and now just wanted to curl in on himself and sleep for several hours. 

He had to admit that he had probably brought this upon himself though. He had rushed into the fight, wanting to take out the shadows as fast as possible. He had wanted Yu to praise him for doing a good job. It always made him so unbelievably happy whenever that happened. He was really seeking his approval and now he was in pain because of it.

“Yosuke!” That was Yu’s voice along with the sound of footsteps coming nearer. “Are you okay?”

He tried to get himself to sit up. He didn’t want him to have to worry about him. 

All of a sudden, a warmth began radiating out around him, seeping into his joints, relieving the aching of his limbs. 

He let out a deep breath, looking over just in time to see one of Yu’s various Personas fade away. He must have cast a healing spell on him. He could always count on him to help him when things like this happened.

Yu walked over beside him, offering him his hand. He took it - his skin was so warm, his palm and fingers calloused, only serving as a reminder of how adept he was with his sword - letting himself be helped up.

“Are you okay?” Yu repeated, worry behind his eyes.

Yosuke nodded. “Yeah, sorry.”

He looked him over with his eyes before nodding. “All right, just try to be more careful next time. I don’t like you getting hurt.”

For whatever reason, that concern made his heart start pounding in his chest. "Yeah, right."

With that, the group started heading through the area once again, going until they were all too exhausted to keep at it, leaving the TV World. 

While they were walking through Junes, something dawned on him - there was an essay due the next morning that he had barely started on. He definitely wasn't going to have the motivation to finish it that night, not with how tired he was. He needed to get it done though. 

They were walking into the parking lot, everyone beginning to head into different directions, when he stopped Yu.

"Hey, Partner?"

Yu turned to face him. "What's up?"

He hesitated. He needed someone to motivate him to get this essay done. "Do you already have your essay finished? The one for history?"

A small smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, I do."

He hesitated. If he hadn't had it done, he was going to ask him if he wanted to work on it together, but if he had already finished it, then he really couldn't ask that. 

"Do you want to come over to work on yours?"

Relief flooded through his chest. If he was offering, then he didn't need to ask. "Yes, please."

"All right, come on then."

The two of them began walking in the direction of the Dojima Residence. He did like going over there a lot. It was nice to just spend time with Yu and also Nanako. Yu's uncle kind of intimidated him, but altogether it was nice. 

When they arrived, Nanako was the only one home. She immediately perked up as soon as the door opened. "Welcome home."

Yu smiled at her, returning the greeting - it was such a warm smile, one that he loved seeing from him. It made him look so handsome. He paused at that thought - objectively handsome, of course. Yu was just a good looking guy and the smile made him more good looking.

"Hey, Nanako-chan," Yosuke said, walking over to the table in the living room where she was seated.

"Hi. Are you here to hang out with Big Bro?"

He was just opening his mouth to answer that yes, he was, when Yu cut him off. "He's here to work on homework."

Yosuke pouted. "I can do both."

"Maybe after you get your work done."

He groaned. Now that he was here, he just wanted to spend time with the both of them. That sounded so much better than homework. 

Nanako looked between the two of them before turning to him. "I'll help you."

He smiled. "I'm sure that with both of us working together, I'd get an even better grade than Yu."

"Really? Big Bro is really smart though."

"Don't sell yourself short."

"Yosuke, don't try to get her to do it for you," Yu said from the kitchen.

"I'm not trying to get her to do it for me. I'm just saying that I bet she's smart enough to do it."

Yu hummed. "Maybe. Anyways though, get to work. Dinner will be ready in a bit."

"And I'm getting treated to your home cooking. You're spoiling me."

"Would you rather not have dinner?" There was a smile behind his voice.

"I definitely want dinner."

"Good, so get to work."

He grabbed out his history book and the part of the essay that he had already started writing, spreading it out on the table in front of him. 

Everything quickly settled into a comfortable quiet, the TV on in the background and noises coming from the kitchen as Yu cooked. He liked being like this. It sure beat working on his essay alone in his room. 

After a while, dinner was ready, so he stopped working to eat - once again, Yu's cooking was so good. If he could have one person cook for him for the rest of his life, it would be him. It sounded so nice to live with him and have him cook for him every day. He would love for that to happen. 

Once dinner was done, he started working on his essay again, determined now to get it done - he was starting to feel the pressure of needing to finish it before he went home that night. He got so into it that he barely even noticed Yu putting Nanako to bed. He came to sit with him afterward though, so that was nice.

He was just writing the last sentence when the front door slid open. 

He looked up as Dojima walked inside, stopping when he saw him. “Hanamura, you’re here late.”

“Welcome home,” Yu said. “Yosuke just needed help with homework.”

He nodded. “All right, that’s fine. You’re staying here tonight though. It’s too late for a kid your age to be walking around.”

He almost opened his mouth to complain, but quickly thought better of it. “Oh, all right.”

“Good, now don’t stay up too late.”

“We won’t,” Yu said.

At that, Dojima walked into the hallway, presumably going to bed himself.

Yosuke turned to Yu. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to spend the night.”

Yu shook his head. “It’s fine. Are you almost done with your essay?”

He looked back down at the paper in front of him. “Yep. I just finished it.”

He nodded. “Do you want to go get ready for bed now then? You can borrow some pajamas.”

He smiled. “Thanks, dude. And yeah, that sounds good.”

At that, he put his school stuff back into his bag, standing, and following Yu up to his room. 

He waited as he went through his dresser, pulling clothes out of it. He handed him a stack of them. “You can take a shower first.”

“Okay, be right back then.”

He took the clothes into the bathroom, setting them down on the counter. He quickly took a shower, then got to work getting redressed. 

As he was pulling on the shirt though, he paused. This was Yu’s shirt. He was about to put on Yu’s clothes. Why did that thought make his heart race? It was just a piece of fabric.

A piece of fabric that Yu had worn before.

He swallowed hard, pulling the shirt on over his head. Why was he acting so weird about it? Sharing clothes with his best friend shouldn’t make his stomach flutter. It just shouldn’t. 

He was kind of disappointed that they smelled like laundry soap and not him though. 

The pants were just a little bit too long on him and he fought the urge to roll them up - rolling up pajama pants was just weird. Still, it made him feel small. Yu wasn’t that much taller than him, was he?

He pushed his thoughts away, then made his way back to Yu’s room. It seemed as though he had been hard at work while he was taking a shower, setting up the room so that there were two futons laid out, side by side on the floor.

“Shower’s all yours,” Yosuke said, walking up beside him.

It might have been his imagination, but it felt like Yu’s gaze lingered on him for a few seconds more than normal. 

He nodded. “All right. I’ll be right back.”

After Yu left the room, Yosuke went over and sat down on one of the futons. He was really about to sleep so close to him. Despite himself, that thought made him really happy.

He didn’t have to wait for very long before Yu was coming back into the room, his hair damp from his shower.

He paused by the door. “Lights off?”

“Yeah.” He was actually pretty exhausted from exploring the TV World, so he was about ready to go to sleep.

Yu flicked the lights off, then headed over, sitting down on the futon next to him, climbing underneath the blankets. 

He followed suit, laying down on his side so that he was facing him. They were so close that he could hear his gentle breathing beside him. It was quiet for a little while.

“Hey, Yosuke?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just thinking about earlier - about when you got hurt.”

Yosuke winced. Why was he bringing that up?

“And well, you know that you don’t have anything that you need to prove, right?”

Was he really that easy to read? Did everyone else think that that was what he was doing?

“Yeah, sorry.”

Yu let out a small sigh. “It’s just… I really hate seeing you get hurt. I do care about you and it just makes my mind wander to the possibilities. What if something happens and it’s bad enough that I can’t heal you? I…” His voice was shaking.

Yosuke’s chest started aching. He really thought about stuff like that? He was worried about losing him? 

Yosuke reached out, finding his hand amongst the blankets, and grasping tightly onto it. “I’m sorry. I’ve never thought about it like that.”

Yu squeezed his hand back. “I know that, really, we haven’t known each other that long, but I already can’t imagine living my life without you. You’re important to me.”

He took a deep breath. Why did hearing that make his eyes start to water. “You’re important to me too.”

Yu let out a yawn, moving a little bit closer to him so that they were almost touching. Without thinking too much, Yosuke reached over, wrapping his arm around his back, just letting them be close. 

He really didn’t understand why his heart was beating so fast, but, at the same time, he was so unbelievably content. He hoped that Yu knew just how much he meant to him.

[shou-jpeg]

Hi!

Me again, I hope I don't bother you! 💕

I would like to ask about the process of making Back on the Beat!

Where this idea came from? Why do you decide you will create it in this format? Do you have any special inspiration? Did you finish it already and gave us it part by part or is it still WIP? If yes, do you exactly know how you want it to end or just let it go with the flow? How long it takes to make one part?

And actually, anything you share about how, where when why you make it would make me happy!

I love your work and can't wait next Friday to come!💕💕💕

Hello!

Hhfgsdajk l'm so glad you like my silly AU and want to know more about it! (cue me crying).

I'm going to try and answer all your questions:

"Where this idea came from?" - From a Discord conversation between @wildelydawn and I! We spend a lot of time throwing around ideas and being unhinged together and meme AU is one of these ideas.

Dawn sent me this...

And then I sent her this...

And then we spiralled from there.

Why do you decide you will create it in this format? - I thought it would be fun to make! I'm not a confident writer and I write so infrequently, it's hard for me to write anything long format. I am confident with drawing though. Also several other reasons, but that would be a whole list lmao.

Do you have any special inspiration? - KimChay being dumb for each other is all the inspiration I need. (◡‿◡✿)

Did you finish it already and gave us it part by part or is it still WIP? - definitely still a WIP. I make each part on the weekend and throughout the week and then schedule it on Thursday night (and try not to fret over it at work the next day and fail every time).

If yes, do you exactly know how you want it to end or just let it go with the flow? - I have a spine! Dawn and I pretty much wrote the whole thing in capslock text to each other so I made a spine based off that which I'm following and adding to as I go.

How long it takes to make one part? - it depends. The gifs are fast and easy to make and take maybe an hour at most. Drawing is a little more time consuming, but I'm actually a freelance illustrator and animator outside my normal every day job so I can move pretty quickly. What takes me longest is the text lmao.

Me these days though:

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol. 8

Hi darlings! This week's digest is a little small because I took the time to catch up on a bunch of WIPs I've been reading (and they've all already been rec'd). That being said there are some bangers on here if I do say so myself. Oh also I'm at Pride this weekend, that's why this is like 5 hours later than usual.

The spreadsheet is here! It's up to 217 fics now!

cute lil joel pic to kick us off ;)

Feelings on Fire - a Joel series by @joelscruff

This one is for my religious trauma girlies lmao. I personally relate a little bit to how this Reader was raised (southern baptist instead of catholic) with the grades and the extracurriculars and stuff, but I was nowhere near as sheltered. I say all that to say that while I usually have trouble immersing myself into a fic where the reader is this level of innocent, I did not have that issue at all. And GOD do I want to immerse myself in this fic.

Landlord from Hell - a (dark) Frankie one shot by @absurdthirst

If you like You, this one is for you. I loved it but I also was hollering at Reader the whole time to run the fuck away. I was so fucking uncomfortable the whole time, but also the smut was fucking excellent lmao. Incredible horror/thriller fic AGH

more - an Ezra one shot by @ezrasbirdie

This did very unexpected things to me. I'm a pretty firm no on not one, but two of the kinks in this fic but... I'll do anything for Ezra I guess lmao. Read the warnings friends, this one is a (beautiful) doozy

What he deserves - a Dave York one shot by @absurdthirst

Dave is so.... daddy. This is one of those completely indulgent fantasy fics for me. Live in nanny fucks the super hot dad and the kids are also a dream and the ex wife is evil so there's no guilt... perfect!

Sold to Joel Miller - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters and @wannab-urs

Totally serious and not a joke fic at all, what?

In My Hometown - a Joel series by @swiftispunk

Oh boy. I got pining, smut, AND angst all in one fic? Hell yes. And it's like... believable angst, which isn't always the case. I felt so fucking bad for Joel, I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hold him forever. I love a man who is just absolutely pathetically in love. Just completely pitiful. Down bad. There's so many good things about this, I'm doing it a disservice with this explanation. Just read it.

Thought That I Was Dreaming - a Dieter one shot by @haylzcyon

Ohhh this Dieter made me unreasonably happy. He's such a cutie... and so fucking sexy. Oh how I dream about getting high with Dee and spending a whole weekend fucking each other silly.

-------Pre-Digest Fic Recs-------

adding more of these than usual since I didn't read much new stuff this week :)

Seams - a Joel series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

I'm Starvin' Darlin - a Joel series by @me-and-your-husband

All Work, No Play - a Javi P one shot by @loquaciousferret

I Think of You - a Din series by @prolix-yuy

No Drug Like Me - a Dieter series by jazzelsaur (ao3)

Tied - a Din series by @radiowallet

Friendly Fire - Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Designated Person - a Frankie series by @whatsnewalycat

Not from around here - an Oberyn series by @mishasminion360

-------- My Fics --------

I wrote one (1) tiny little drabble, but hey better than nothing!

Bruise - a Dieter drabble set in my A Ghost of You universe (deadbeat druggie artist boyfriend with severe mental health issues + reader is his entire universe. She has a savior complex. It's a lot. Read that here). Dieter and Reader get unreasonably high and decide to paint each other. Written in a style I've never shown anyone before, sorry if it's weird lol

------------

Happy Reading!

[elftwink]

am currently working on a neocities site (which i cannot give you the url for yet because im working on the css still and there's no content also it looks ugly still) and oh man does it take me back to ye olde days of custom theme editing on here. i still use a custom theme obvs but back in like 2014/2015ish when i was really into indie rp custom themes were all the rage and you would spend hours editing some character specific image for your bg and then another several hours trying to make the css line up with your image (never at any point did i attempt to actually like. learn html or css. i just read other people's theme codes and edited the parts i could understand and solved problems as they arose. i distinctly remember one time i was using a base that had two sidebars and i only wanted one and deleting the section broke the theme in disastrous ways [bc i had no idea what i was doing] so i literally just made all the elements in the sidebar transparent and moved them off the screen LMAO. the best i ever got was moving from fully built custom themes that i edited to base themes that i built off of)

anyway while im slightly better now (im even reading tutorials! am i following them? sorry i have to go i think someones calling me) i am using a layout builder to build the homepage so it is even more reminding me of mid-2010s tumblr. much like building off a base theme, and definitely easier to understand than tumblr theme building (this time i at least know what all the different pieces of code are doing, even when im not sure how or why, or how to duplicate the effect under slightly different circumstances. but progress is progress!).

a good but annoying thing about the layout that im using is that i havent actually edited the site wide stylesheet, just used internal css on that one page, so when i go to make literally any other page i'll have to start from scratch. this is good because i am learning a lot and i think without doing it this way i would end up with a bunch of useless stuff in the stylesheet that really should be page-specific that i would have to correct with internal or inline css later. annoying because what do you mean i have to make decisions about the sizing and positions of the content? i literally just did that

also im kind of nervous to touch the general stylesheet because im pretty sure what i'll actually want to do is have a couple of stylesheets for different 'sections' of the website, to maintain cohesion between pages of the 'same' type but still allow a lot of fun customization on a per-page basis, but that requires deciding what 'sections' i want on the website and that is a whole other can of worms. but also you can't start without starting so i should probably just try to build a really simple layout and go from there (after all, if it sucks, it's not like i can't just create a new stylesheet, or do the css for each page independently until i hit a groove that's actually worth moving to the stylesheet). but also first i have to finish this goddamn homepage. which means i gotta find a header image that doesn't look ugly as shit

[vegtable-bucket]

This is a very long and self indulgent vent post. Feel free to disregard and tw for sucidial ideation. I am currently seeking help but I needed to vent.

So 2023 I think is the official worst year of my life. I thought as the years went on life would like.... get easier??? But no lmao it somehow gets progressively harder and I feel like I am completely drowning and suffering at every turn. I will essentially plan a little treat for myself and that treat will then turn into like a comical death trap of some sort. I feel like whoever is controlling my sim is trying to torture me.

I'm just going to list the terrible things that I've had to deal with since I have what 5 months left of this year to claw my way through?

My cat was diagnosed with cancer. That cancer spread so rapidly in the span of one week, I got her diagnosis on her last day on earth.

Prior to this, she was puking 3 times a day and so I was cleaning up puke and sobbing over her for a month striaght

Vet bills

The doctor who did the biopsy of my cats cancer didn't relay how severe her cancer was causing me to have to spend 5 hours in the the ER. I was separated from my cat during those 5 hours. My phone was on 1%. Ready player one was my only entertainment. Many dogs got checked before my blood puking cancer ridden cat. The person at the front desk said "we only treat several emergencies first." Meaning vomiting blood isn't urget............. wild.

Obviously I had to put my cat down. She was 7 years old. I miss Pirate everyday. I used to call her an angel from outerspace, now she's really sailing around up there.

I had to do this without my husband present because he was at.... his grandma's funeral in England. I couldn't go because I was taking care of our dying cat. I find this to be an especially twisted fate since he left right before I had a psychotic break due to all the stress

I got covid. And I got it like a month ago in the middle of the summer. This ate away at my travel time making it so I couldn't see one of my friends in portland.

I got exposed to covid over the weekend and if I get sick again my job will take my remaining 3 days off. This is my last year in America and if those days are taken from me I won't be able to see my family for the holidays

I dont get to leave this hell country this year after excitedly telling everyone I was out of here. Embaressing.

Every single trip I have planned this year has been a complete disaster

I either didn't get to see the friend I planned to see, or my time with that friend was limited to reasons outside of either of our control leaving me to feel completely isolated, lonely and like nobody's priority or important friend (even though that's irrational)

I've had an issue with almost every single flight I've taken this year. Will it be delayed or canceled making me have to take the flight that makes it so arrive home at 4am? The answer is always yes!

My job had revealed itself to be a toxic work enviornement before but it continues to worsen.

My job makes me want to kill myself, like actively. I've had the worst suicidal ideation of life since I was 13 and having to visit my abusive and neglectful father

Somehow, at 27, all of my trauma seems to be bubbling up in the worst possible way and nobody in my support system is close to me right now/alive.

Guess what? In an ironic twist of fate applying to jobs also makes me want to kill myself and I find to be a dramatic waste of time.

My husband and I set up trips around this time of year which made it so when his grandmother died, he will have seen me once in the span of 4 weeks. Meaning the only person who I can mourn the loss of my cat with is gone. I will be coming home to an empty house when I return tomorrow and my depression is not making it easy to take care of myself

Living in America has never seemed more dystopian. My rights are simply withering away while inflation stacks up. It's been an expensive year by itself but the recession isn't helping

I feel completely lost on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be financially stable (as I am lucky enough to be now) but I'm unsure of my future in england. I don't know if I really should pursue my masters because I feel my entire body aching to do something I enjoy and I have no idea if I'll ever be able to work in a field that improves people's lives and doesn't make me want to kill myself

I will never be mentally emotionally or financially stable enough to have kids. Having them seems terrifying to me. I cry for my younger self imagining her life and how unfair the world was to her, and wondering why I was born if not to suffer

I can barely focus on anything in my life anymore. I feel like my attention span has stopped working and I can only do a task for 15 minutes before feeling exhausted

Crippling weed dependency

I can't remember the last time I felt geniunely happy. If I spend anytime not listening to something or distracting myself my brain is essentially torturing and harassing me and telling me the many ways in which I should kill myself

I cannot afford a grippy sock vacation to make me not kill myself. I feel like I'd want to be there for a whole month and that's probably like 800k and would mean losong my job lmao

Having to wait for life to improve slowly on its own is agonizing to me as I really just want to leave America as quickly as I can to get away from it all. And then I remember all the things and people and places I will miss and I get this unearthly ache of sadness.

I'm also not blind and know terf island (england) is also doing remarkably terrible and I will be moving to a very xenophobic country far away from the familiar.

Everything that happens on the news now makes me fully believe I'm living in a dark comedy about a species that is run by a group of people so greedy that they are racing to extinction

*gestures widely at the state of everything*

I visited my dad's side of the family without nick (husband) present and not only did they bully and antagonize me the entire time, but they also said the most off the wall insanely racist shit I've ever heard in my life. So vile i was physcially ill after interacting with them. But I have to keep up appearances for my future wedding.

I want to cut them out of my life so fucking bad it's unreal. My mom is begging and pleading with me to not do it but being around such vile people makes me physically ill.

This things I used to love now feel distant and boring to me now. I feel like it's so hard to laugh at anything anymore

The real kicker for this is I always pack period items just in case, and I didn't for once and now I am dealing with painful cramps at 3am away from ibprofin and like all of civilization

Okay that's it. I hope none of you read this it's incredibly self indulgent and pitying. I feel as though I've never been allowed to be sad and it's all bubbling up this year and suffocating me. And then people keep telling me to not kill myself which makes me feel guilty for wanting to end it all in the first place. I've always hated asking for help, I hate people feeling sorry for me, I hate struggling. I've never even attempted because im too chickenshit.

Can't wait to share this post in therapy. Which I won't be able to afford for awhile.

I miss feeling joy.

[kyaramaru]

As big Akina Oshi here some updates from his streams thanks to translations and self-translating I had to do even though it takes several hours so it might be kinda false! This also may include other livers as well!

NJU stuff: I have been informed for the kokoro odoru stage during NJU, Axia was supposed to perform with Kanae, Akina, Kaida, and Gaku. For more info on their stage he redirected you to Kaida stream (lmao). While it is a shame Axia didn’t perform with them again please remember to respect other livers and not to bring him up their streams. On a brighter note this means Axia actually had a 3D so most likely Lauren does or will have it soon!

Akina had wanted to perform Mecha Kirai Ya for a long time but didn’t know who to do it with so when he got paired with Masaru he immediately suggested it. They practiced for a month but he feels kinda sorry cause it was harder for Masaru to sing. Masaru came up with the name “Hamaguchi Minami” (it comes from a couple named Hamaguchi Masaru and Minami Akina) after watching a clip from Akina!

Fuwagusa were also originally not going to perform together cause Akina felt that they have been singing a lot but they got grouped together anyway lmao. They tried getting an orchestra but couldn’t so they did harmonies instead LMAO. Shukumei was also not their first choice in song but another group already took the song they wanted so they went with it.

Himachan thought of the alien headbands for Saedama’s performance. Apparently both Kaida and Honma can’t say Saedama, only Akina can cause he thought of it. And yes bullying Kaida was part of the plan during the performance.

Anime Rec: Akina has also watched Bocchi the Rock (BASED GO WATCH IT MF) and his favorite chara is Kita (He’s just like me fr fr). I LOVED bocchi the rock especially as a guitarist (I kinda suck now cause I stopped playing for so long cause no time ;-;) so please watch it if you have time, as an introvert Bocchi is a mood and there’s a lot of funny gags.

HaYun Date: Akina also did go on a “date” with HaYun from Nijisanji Kr. They went to an aquarium, got a meal, shopping, and a night sighting??? (Night view???), basically a date lmao. Akina paid for everything apparently.

There is probably WAY more but I don’t want to spend more time going through everything and these are some parts I kinda picked up as an update. I tried focusing on parts that might include other livers (cept Bocchi cause Bocchi is life) so now you know a bit more behind somethings! Sorry if it’s hella long!

[eyesonmehoney]

28.08.2024 spiral of the day

I am spiralling because I am afraid Brandon (why did it take me time to think what his name was LMAO) is going to dump me because of previously brought up conversations surrounding money last night that I know I am insecure about and I hope it's not making him feel insecure but I know that it can because I've brought it up a few times now

and when he doesn't respond for a few hours it makes me anxious that he's thinking of our past conversation and he's changing his mind or he thinks he can't hold to the ideals I'm after to which he's not wrong FOR but I'm happy to forgo this for real because he makes me feel so emotionally safe bar the times I'm triggered purely out of emotion and logically I can see that i'm being silly but emotionally I'm trying really hard to see past it but I struggle to see past myself even when last week Brandon was being really good with messaging and now it's been three hours and realistically I know he'll reply soon but my brain is trying to convince me otherwise that he's on the verge and he's looking for an out and didn't he make a joke about him being a runner or was that me??????????????

this new spiral started occurring because it occurred to me he hadn't messaged in a few hours and periods of time of not messaging doesn't make me anxious generally but the moment I feel like the energy's slightly shifted or changed is when I feel anxiety

and if this keeps happening daily I fear I will push him away just to get the anxiety to STOP. because I want this to stop I don't want to feel like this anymore

what caused the spiral? when he didn't respond on monday for 6 hours because he was dealing with family stuff and it was reminiscent of the way zac 1 treated me or the way I treated him rather and I let my own anxieties get in the way of something that could've been really special had I not let my own self get in the way of that. And I am TERRIFIED I WILL DO THIS AGAIN

USING MY LOGICAL BRAIN

he reads into what I say - asking if I'm projecting about running away and ghosting him / dumping him because he's concerned I'm going to do it to him

he made a joke but held back but made the joke but not really a joke about asking whether I'm going to ghost after we sleep together because a part of him genuinely thinks I will

he's told me he's infatuated and that he likes me several times

the accidental test of the footy and ditching him for a quarter which he brings up so it's clear it still pains him even a little bit

talking for 3 hours on the phone and that being something we regularly do

bringing up plans to go hot springs on the weekend

accepting my offer to crash or for me to pick him up - he said he'd like that - even though we both knew we got shit sleeps then but it was the act of spending time together

bringing up the fact that he reads into what I say because you wouldn't do that unless you either weren't sure of how someone feels about you or you want reassurance that the other person isn't going anywhere

and I truly honestly get the feeling that he needs as much reassurance as I do that we won't leave each other

and also he asked about a million q's asking whether I'd sleep with another woman and honestly only yes if we were in a part of our relationship if where there was complete trust and honesty and he paid more attention to me

and it truly makes me cry every time at the thought of how sweet he was taking my hand kissing me when I was uncomfortable and hormonal at the game. like where / how do you find someone like that??????? I will not let myself let this man go because I have deep rooted fear and anxieties that he will abandon or leave me because of some other childhood trauma I have yet to heal within myself

he might've seen my messages and thought it didn't need a response so he'll respond later, like at home or after work or when he remembers he hasn't fucking heard from me all day but baby steps and patience!

IF YOU SAID THIS TO A FRIEND:

I'd say that he's probably busy at work, or saw your message but didn't want to respond because of a million other reasons that has nothing to do with you and maybe he's hungry or tired or horny or has his mind occupied by other things that has nothing to do with you. Sometimes we don't want to respond because of such miniscule things but if he's literally been on the phone with you the night before for hours on end discussing everything and life with you while also simultaneously seeking reassurance, I think you are fine and you're letting your own insecurities get the better of you

truly it's not that deep, trust

what evidence supports my belief?? based on past experiences with zac 1, zac 2, 2 men PRE-THERAPY, dush when he tried to push me away, louie post-travel (great a new anxiety to unlock

experience is useful but you know what none of those experiences have in common - the way that brandon treats you - and how emo you get and the literal tears when you think about it - when you think about how sweet, kind and nice he is, and how he holds space for you and how IMPORTANT that is for me, because it is so beyond appreciated that it makes me want to give him the world

none of them have made me feel emotionally safe like how brandon does and you should not punish yourself for him not replying or punish him for not responding when he has made it pretty fucking clear that he's into you. NONE OF THEM.