#diary entry of the day

[cottaegecore]

sylvia plath (cinematicfella on x)

[churchofgrini]

I have this curse that always makes me like the character whit the least content made by the fandom no matter what media they are from and then I have to make it myself

[the-most-sublime-fool]

Then, too, at sea—to use a homely but expressive phrase—you miss a man so much. A dozen men are shut up together in a little bark, upon the wide, wide sea, and for months and months see no forms and hear no voices but their own, and one is taken suddenly from among them, and they miss him at every turn. It is like losing a limb. There are no new faces or new scenes to fill up the gap. There is always an empty berth in the forecastle, and one man wanting when the small night watch is mustered. There is one less to take up the wheel, and one less to lay out with you upon the yard. You miss his form, and the sound of his voice, for habit had made them almost necessary to you, and each of your senses feels the loss.

—a sailor's diary entry, on losing a shipmate, ca. 1834 (from Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry Dana Jr.)

[bandofchimeras]

monologue of the day

yknow i was standing there staring out over the town like a right proper disney villian today contemplating my many and various delusions of grandeur, ambitions, schemes, visions of possible futures,etc.

and how deflated my self esteem has gotten from the gap between the measly and minor things I can or do actually carry out. and asking, why do these small things seem not to matter? they matter when others do them. but not me?

and it seems the root of this is a fierce and raging judgement leveled at my parents for never following their passions, and dreams, never fully feeding their creativity, for instead passing it on like this heavy unopened package for us kids to manifest for them. at least this is how i understood my assignment in life - not to exist, or enjoy, but to fulfill some ancestral longing, some duty, to break a cycle. and how what largely, has broken my mind is this insistent weight, this need to prove I can break that cycle, i can become what has been left unexpressed...reading What My Bones know, the section about ancestral epigenetics preventing certain traits from expressing. its like actually living my life has gone neglected while all my mental & emotional capacity are turned toward trying to crack some intergenerational strongbox code. and no, it is not fair. but also I have to ask who am I even doing this for? and bam! hit me in the chest. i'm doing what my parents did, because i kind of have to: living for the next generation. passing on the chance of success. it is too late for me, in many ways. not the right environment. too much to change. exhausted. services unclear how to access. but i did leave certain ways of being, religion. i did come out. my cousin did too but we have hundreds of family members and no one else has. that does take work and strength. my primary anxiety is that all this work will come to nothing, mean nothing, that i will die and be forgotten and all my dreams will die with me. in some ways, i want this. i want a karmic restart, some new soul to try again and maybe have a fucking chance this time. the only reason i stay alive on dark days is because my siblings don't deserve to be haunted by my baggage in the form of a life taken too soon. i've dreamt of and spoken with queer dead who passed that way, who warned me to leave where i was. and this makes it hard to bond with people who simply, live their lives and have contentment. i have yet to reconcile the ancestral weight with my sense of individual being on this earth, my rights versus responsibilities. there are unwell dead with me, there are cycles, and the friends who cluster to my side, when we find eachother, we find the same story: alcholism, mental illness, bipolar, sickness, illnes, transness, death,ghosts, creativity locked in a stronghold. i'm so tired of this story but its not the kind you can just close and bury again - like a cursed object in a horror movie, it will resurface and haunt somewhere else. it must be destroyed like the Ring in the fires it came from. you have to find the root, no matter the cost, no matter the loss, even if it is of your own life and sanity and ability to enjoy. i hate this reality, of addiction and suffering and repression and death, but it is with us and must be carried by some of us even if we want to put it down for awhile and just dance.

[waywardsunlight]

Underrated Owl House Glowup

[afairycreature]

[kodzukay]

mene tame‎‎ 🤝 azul ashengrotto

their opinion of the‎ exceptional top student‎ who they envy going from "i‎ want to be u" to "I WANT YOU."

idk‎ who this bundle of sticks thinks he is….comparing himself to a butterfly even tho butterflies can actually get off the ground‎ and fly.,,.

original mv

[edwardian-girl-next-door]

Sunday, March 30th, 1919

"So the winter gloom is over, for which I am half sorry, since the dark evening over the fire has its charm."

~ Virginia Woolf, The Diary of Virginia Woolf, vol. 1 (1915-1919), ed. Anne Olivier Bell

[lonelyohsolonelyghostgirl]

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭, 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐥𝐝...

[cottaegecore]

kafka

[qumiiiquinnquin]

today was pretty okay

i woke up late again at after 11am. i didnt socialize with anyone because i felt like i dont deserve to, like nobody appreciates my company and im better off alone and quiet, and then it led to thoughts of feeling completely unlovable, useless, better to just completely isolate from everyone and never leave my house or ever talk to anyone (delete all my contacts, deactivate all my accounts, etc). i dont know or remember what made me feel better

my sibling had to come home early from school today because they werent feeling well and were in pain, so i helped them out as soon as they got home from being picked up early like having them use our heating pad and gave them tylenol. they ended up feeling a lot better so thats good :). also played some animal crossing with them and that was fun

i also helped my grandma bake today, i typically dont because cooking and baking dont interest me (i cant even cook eggs so i am likely going to d*e as soon as i live alone) but it was a lot of fun :)

and now im drawing at almost 1 in the morning. im gonna clean a bit tomorrow and my sibling gets out of school early tomorrow :). its supposed to rain tomorrow and has been raining all day today (yesterday) and its supposed to continue until saturday

[julykings]

by candlelight

[deslizada]

finally finished the first quilt I ever pieced! it's a goddamn disaster. I have to go pick up my ketamine nose spray now. cat for scale

[wrenais]

🌻 | 2025.02.23

[destinedjourneyofwords]

Forgive me my love,

I am abducting you with my affection and holding you hostage with my heartfelt love letters, for in the prison of my heart,I shall make you rule and sit upon the throne of my soul

[dreadfuldevil]

i think something to keep in mind right now is this:

THEY WANT YOU TO FEEL OVERWHELMED.

they want you to feel defeated right out of the gate. they want you hopeless. they want you helpless. it’s much easier to control a person or mass of people when the collective has already resigned.

don’t. let. them. take. your. fight.

we still have the power to stop him, and even a delay is better than bowing our heads in fearful resignation.