#df tradition

[residents-of-the-darkforest]

Naming Ceremony (short story)

Alderstar lay upon the fattest low hanging-branch of an alder tree, though one would be forgiven for not being able to properly identify it with every leaf blackened and scattered upon the ground. Grousemane had suggested the location for his ceremonies and meetings long ago–it was easy to remember. Alderstar would be found at the alder tree. Not to mention its height, standing out among the other massive trees, was useful in finding the place. It was helpful, too, that it was in eye-view of the Eye-Out Thorns, though far enough for the more faint-hearted to feel comfortable.

Once everyone was gathered, he rose and spoke loudly across the small space. “Welcome, kin and friends.” So many ceremonies like this had passed that he had forgotten what words would have been spoken when he was alive and the leader of Shadowclan. Something about their warrior ancestors, he’s sure. But those were taught to him by his father and the leaders before them. These are his own words. Every leader who gives names gives them with their own words.

Alderstar had even gotten into a routine, too. Or perhaps it is better to call it a tradition. Because he no longer lived in a Clan and was much less likely to know the traits that some cats had, parents who planned to have him do the naming would inform him. Sometimes when they were about to become ‘paws, sometimes when they were kits or even expecting. 

Alderstar would then occasionally watch the kits train, observe them. He would take time to speak one-on-one with the parents, mentor, and the kit themself. It was a good way to pass the time. He found he greatly enjoyed having something to do, too he greatly enjoyed thinking up warrior names, and he was satisfied with the ones he picked out for this batch.

“Today, we honour six apprentices, who defied their fate long ago. Had the Stars had their way, they would have remained small and defenseless.” The faces of several of the apprentices–namely Smallpaw–snarled at the idea. “We are not the Stars,” Alderstar said with pride, his chin lifted and chest puffed out. The families and mentors in the crowd purred in agreement. “We defied them, we defied the logics of death, and we grew. Now, we shall honour the growth, the strength, and the courage in these six young cats, now ready to become full warriors of the Place of No Stars.”

Yowls of excitement rang around the clearing. Alderstar waited patiently for them to calm down before going on. He had plenty of time. “Antpaw, step forward.”

Antpaw did as told, his steps shaky and his eyes round. “For your resistance against fate, and your heedful nature, you shall from this day forth be known as Antgrove.” 

He was happy to see Antgrove’s worry-edged smile quickly shift to one of delight as he dipped his head, and moved to the front of the crowd. All names had to have meaning, that was Alderstar’s rule. Antgrove loved to explore groves. It was where he was the most comfortable, where he felt the most peace. Alderstar had hoped that by giving him the name, he was hearing that his introverted nature was not only being noticed, but celebrated. Judging by the look on his face, it had been heard.

“Smallpaw, step forward.” 

Smallpaw’s reaction was much different. His body was tense, clearly it took a lot for him to pad forward gracefully and not simply race to the open space in which he would stand.

“For your resistance against fate, and your fierce bites, both real and metaphorical, you shall from this day forth be known as Smallclaw.”

Smallclaw’s smirk was broad. He took a moment to bask in the attention before he dipped his head and padded to sit beside who might have once been his brother. Alderstar wasn’t sure, all he knew was that the kits separated because of the different views they had on their deaths and crime.

“Hootpaw, step forward.” Alderstar had to hold back a smile as the name reminded him of his lovely mate. He was definitely going to nuzzle her and Myrtlewing once this ceremony was over. 

Hootpaw padded forward patiently. His ears were pricked and he looked up at Alderstar with interest and patience. Alderstar had wondered a long time how to convey THAT in a name.  “For your resistance against fate, and your ability to follow the wind so long as you see fit, you shall be known as Hootbloom.” Hootbloom’s eyes shone with a hint of pleasure, and something more beneath that.

It was good. Flowers bloom at different paces, some slow, some fast, but they all open up in the end. The same went for the kit. He had patience that astonished Alderstar, but the patience was for himself–he only felt it because time mattered only to him. He was slow and easy when he wanted to be, and fast as a frog’s tongue when he wanted to be. He bloomed when he wanted to bloom, it was no one else’s choice. This name was a way to announce it.

“Cinderpaw, step forward.”

Cinderpaw raced to the spot before Alderstar had finished the final word, her eyes wide and bright, and her fur dusty from the run. Kiteburn huffed in irritation where he sat with his and Cinderpaw’s family.

“For your resistance against fate, and your ability to see the heart in everyone, even when cold ice surrounds it, you shall, from this day forward, be known as Cinderrose.” The colours differed in meaning. Alderstar imagined the pink and white ones, happiness and innocence. Those were the two words that always sprang to mind whenever he thought of Cinderrose. She was an eager young cat, always ready to learn and make new friends. Even then, he could see the trauma that she was pushing away. He didn’t want to make her think about it now, or anytime she heard her name, so he stuck with the positives. Perhaps she could find help or figure out how to accept her past now that she didn’t have so much time taken up by training.

“Flarepaw, step forward,” Alderstar continued once Cinderrose was seated beside Antgrove, Smallclaw, and Hootbloom.

Flarepaw was slower. He didn’t look afraid, more curious, like he was still shocked that he could really be receiving his warrior ceremony even though he had died as a kit. Alderstar gave him a reassuring smile. “For your resistance against fate, and the justice that burns like fire in your paws, you shall, from this day forth, be known as Flarelight.” It was a double-name, what flares brings light, but Flarelight does in two ways as well. He brightens the space wherever he is, making jokes and always making sure that everyone is as comfortable as can be. As well, he never looks away when he notices that someone is being mistreated, even by a single whisker. He sheds light on the situation until it is solved.

Flarelight’s whiskers quivered in delight. He took a moment to grin at his father, Cricketclaw, before joining the line.

“Lavenderpaw, step forward.”

Lavenderpaw was not slow nor fast, she moved at an even pace, though stumbled a few times as she was unable to remove her gaping gaze from Alderstar in the tree above her. “For your resistance against fate, your way of hearing sorrows and spreading joy, you shall from this day forth be known as Lavenderspring.” It was another name with two meanings, one indicating the spring Lavenderspring always tried to bring to everyone’s steps, and in symbolism to the body of water, gentle and comfortable, which she always tried to be to those who needed it.

There was one more part of the ceremony that had to be done. He leaped from the branch and padded toward Antgrove. “Are you ready?” He asked.

Antgrove’s voice quivered. “Yes. I would like it by my tail.”

“Stand.”

Antgrove did as told. He sucked in a breath, and Alderstar laid a claw across his skin. He dragged it down deep enough to last, but not enough to cause serious damage. Then he laid another, smaller mark beside and just across it. “You are a true warrior now,” Alderstar told him. He repeated the markings onto the other newly-named warriors on areas of their choosing, before backing up and addressing the crowd once more. “Let us call out their names, and tell the Stars they have no strength here.!”

“Lavenderspring!”

“Antgrove!”

“Smallclaw!”

“Flarelight!”

“Hootbloom!”

“Cinderrose!”

================================

I will be explaining how the kits differed when the grew, and this claw ceremony thing! Basically really, it’s different leaders conducting ceremonies mark cats they named. I figured in the Dark Forest, that wouldn’t be frowned upon at all. Alder’s marking is like a branch with a thorn on it.

@frightnightindustries

@wills-woodland-warriors

[ohpsshaw]

Quick-shitty-marker-headshots! Thanks so much, guys! I enjoyed drawing your babies (and one of mine) AND trying to match colors to my small library of markers.

I'm also enjoying the OF subscription you helped me get. Enablers.

[mintyblood-222]

I bought new markers, which means DF gorls time!

[marinatyulpanka]

HALLOWEEN! 🎃🎃🎃

In honor of Halloween, I drew my characters in interesting costumes. I will be very grateful if you like, repost, or write something good. Have a spooky Halloween, my dears!

[uooj601]

Abit of a "Sketch Dump" of sorts

Not DF related but reckoned ide put up some misk drawings if anyones interested

The Axe Man, Flint Vagabond, Villain, Hero and Teacher for hire, the only constant his obsession for personal strength and a hatred of weakness, most of all ones own

Mr Thorn Justice swift and steady hand, Was once blasted by a cascade of wild magic, fortunately the only obvious effect was being cursed with long locks of a rich Pink, He Detests Pink

Ms Shawn Buck, An odd druid, known to fill a shot gun with seeds and plant them at terminal velocity...

An outlaw, some say he was the greatest Gunslinger of a century until he met a fey whom had sworn to "steal his thunder" Now thay say he stalks the land, intent to master another weapon, so that he may challenge that fey and Reclaim his thunder

All we know is hes called The Hat

And lastly one of Pizza before i solidified his design and added the cyborg hand

[alteredphoenix]

WoW fics - will I still write them for DF? Yeah, I think so; SL didn’t give me too much of an incentive to really tap into it much. But at this point they’ll most likely not be at the same rate and speed that I used to do back in late Legion-early BfA. I feel more at home among the Tales Of fandom, especially Luminaria, and other places I want to explore a’la Guild Wars 2, ESO, whatever I set my sights on. Plus, my view toward the community has soured immensely over time (and really, tbf, I sound like a broken record every time I mention it, even if it comes from a place of genuine reflection), and would rather curate my experience so I’m enjoying WoW and forming my own opinions of the story for me (and also for the sake of my mental health).

So. Yeah. That’s my stance.

[tanadrin]

in traditional fantasy dwarves live underground because they are based on scandinavian earth-spirits--hence also their association with mineral wealth and craftsmanship.

in a high-magic d&d-like setting i think it would be fun instead to play dwarves as paranoid survivalists who live in the fantasy equivalent of fallout shelters and nuclear missile silos, deadlocked in some kind of sorcerous MAD dilemma with each other and terrified of the collapse of civilization. maybe i'll play my next DF fort like this...

[shredsandpatches]

I probably wouldn't work too hard to specify, unless I had a good idea or my imaginary actors/designers did -- I think I'd mostly focus on being clear with the class and temporal signifiers (and I'd keep the American aesthetic, I think, given the time period I zeroed in on). And of course the Pope is still the Pope.

Thinking about my imaginary Doctor Faustus production again (like you do) and how the unspoken premise is that it's set in a Bible college in, like, West Virginia, circa 1930. Not in a way that works too hard to localize it, just a vibes-based thing that makes the repressive elements of the play's religious landscape visible but without direct evocation of present-day evangelical culture -- like, I would want that side of the play to also have an emotional pull, that's why I'd want to use e.g. Sacred Harp for the production music, because it's beautiful and also a lot of it is really judgmental and that's a good way of underscoring Faustus' dilemma.

But the other thing that just occurred to me is that that second-quarter-twentieth-century vibe would make it really easy to signpost the passage of time in the play: after all, Faustus signs over his soul for twenty-four years of demonic service, and the play should feel like it has a ticking clock. And you can do that easily with visual cues (probably also soundtrack cues) if you have that recent-past aesthetic, even if you don't want to lean on specific historical details.

(It also occurred to me that, while I haven't actually seen many productions of the play, I definitely haven't seen or read about one that does that -- in period costume the cues would be too subtle and modern-dress productions seem to go for "eternal present day")

[bbcphile]

CPTSD and Mysterious Lotus Casebook Part II: Di Feisheng, Violence, and Emotional Regulation

In last week’s meta, I wrote about complex CPTSD, its stereotypes, and how DFS and LLH each show different aspects of CPTSD symptoms.

This week’s post focuses on DFS and self regulation, including emotional regulation. As I mentioned before, it’s common for tv shows and films to have characters who have survived child abuse or traumatic combat situations be affected by out of control, violent outbursts. What I find fascinating about DFS, however, is that, while the jianghu and even Li Lianhua initially see him as someone who resorts to violence at the slightest provocation, that’s not at all who he is according to what we see on screen. While he does lash out with violence, he is more in control of his actions, expression of emotions, and violent impulses than just about anyone in the show.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is a challenge with complex PTSD for a number of reasons, including: 

Traditional flashbacks (re-experiencing the traumatic memories as though it is happening again)

Emotional flashbacks (experiencing all the emotions from the trauma as intensely as if it were happening again, including grief, rage, betrayal, fear, etc.)

Body memories (experiencing the physical sensations of the trauma like it’s happening again)

Hypervigilance (being constantly on the lookout for threats to defend against them and keep yourself safe) and its resultant irritability and overstimulation

Intrusive thoughts (seeing images or thinking thoughts related to the trauma that you can’t block out)

Nightmares (of the trauma), or insomnia from avoiding nightmares and the resulting exhaustion and irritability from sleep deprivation 

As a result, anything that reminds someone of the trauma can be a trigger that could set off any or all of these reactions. That means, for DFS, that being betrayed by someone he trusted, or being poisoned and made powerless, or being attacked by someone with more power than him, or confronting his abuser is never about experiencing just that event in isolation: it almost always brings up the feelings of the earlier, even more traumatic times similar things have happened. Also, it’s not just events or people’s actions that can be triggers: smells, colors, textures, sounds, tastes, shapes, terrain, enclosed spaces, decor style—anything can trigger this sort of re-experiencing. As you might imagine, responding appropriately to people and situations can be difficult when your brain is constantly telling you that you are in danger or actively being harmed!

How do people deal with being bombarded by emotions, memories, and sensations of the worst times of their lives? The version media shows most often is a traditional “fight” response, where people lash out at others, either preemptively to avoid being hurt or in retaliation for a real or perceived hurt, although lots of survivors of CPTSD turn this fight response inwards in what I’ve started calling “lashing in,” where, like Li Lianhua, they direct the anger and hatred that should go toward the perpetrators of abuse toward themselves instead.  (There’s also the “flight” response—avoiding and running away from things that remind you of the trauma or throwing yourself into distractions by being a workaholic—or the “freeze” response of dissociation, or the “fawn” response of trying to appease and placate someone harming you, but more on those another day.)

DFS, Violence, and Emotional Regulation

I want to emphasize that I’m not saying DFS isn’t violent: Di Feisheng does lash out, verbally and physically! (And for a great image set of the number of people he chokes, check out this post by @difeisheng.) What I find fascinating about DFS is the way he is such an interesting twist on the idea of lashing out;  he’s not hurting others during a flashback or nightmare, or harming others as an outlet for his anger, or killing first and asking questions later to stay safe. He’s using violence but in a deliberate, controlled way, and as a last resort. And this is even more impressive given all the potential things that might trigger him.

Leaving Seclusion

His first appearance as an adult in the show’s present highlights this beautifully: his first act when he breaks free from seclusion is to tell Jiao Liqiao and Yao Mo not to kill the people who have intruded on his hideout, which is the reason FDB and LLH live past episode 5. This is wild to me, because it would be easy for someone who has been on the run from the Di Fortress his entire life and clearly fears being recaptured to say they deserve death for trespassing or because they could be Di Fortress spies. Or, since he spent a decade recovering from injuries liable to make him feel helpless, he could have used it as a chance to fight them as a way of proving to himself that he is still strong and capable and unlikely to be recaptured. Instead, he tells JLQ and Xue Gong to stand down and uses his qinggong to leave the scene, not even interrogating them to find out more. So, even though being unexpectedly interrupted while he’s still weaker than he used to be would activate his hypervigilance and increase the likelihood of him lashing out, he doesn’t. Anything he’s feeling stays internal and not on his face, such that he looks and acts unaffected. And since it’s one of his earliest appearances, it’s proof that this pattern is present from the start. It’s not just Li Lianhua’s influence or DFS’ time without memories as a-Fei soothing his bad temper or rage or uncontrolled violence: he was never out of control to begin with.  

Asura Grass

DFS’ restraint comes into play again when he finds out that Li Lianhua blocked his meridians with Asura grass, interfering with his ability to access his qi. I am feral about this moment. DFS has spent his entire life trying to be as strong as possible so he would never be helpless again and regularly has nightmares/flashbacks of his childhood in the Di Fortress in which he didn’t have the strength, training, or skills to defend himself properly, and to times he was helpless and couldn’t control his own body because of the mind control bug that had been put into him against his will. His nightmares show that he remembers the pain it caused when the Di Fortress head rang the bell, and that the bug writhed in his neck while triggering that pain. In poisoning him with the Asura grass, something that literally moves and grows inside him to make him weaker and unable to fully defend himself, LLH could have unknowingly reenacted that trauma from Di Fortress. The fact that it happens immediately after two positive things–he had regained the strength he’d lost so he’d be feeling safer and freer than he had for the last decade, and the fact that he’d just found LXY alive after mourning him and losing interest in martial arts beyond wanting the security his skills provide–would have made this betrayal hurt even more: it’s the sort of thing that crushes hope and makes you think you’ll always be trapped. That it came from someone he cared for (as a rival, as an aspirational figure, as his equal, as a romantic prospect, etc.) and still mostly trusted could have itself been a trigger because of the early days at Di Fortress when he learned the hard way that his options were kill or be killed, and trust and kindness didn’t fit into that world.  Despite the fact that LLH’s using Asura grass on him would be an incredibly painful combination of triggers and terrible timing, DFS stays mind-boggling in control of his external reactions. When he realizes his meridians are blocked, his face falls and his fingers twitch slightly (they are usually either held completely still in a studied, neutral rounded position or in a fist if he’s really mad about something and doesn’t mind showing it externally), and he starts to take a step towards LLH. But before he’s moved much at all, LLH tells him to stay where he is and not come closer. 

And he stops. 

He’s having Big Feelings about it (and who wouldn’t? Especially since part of his trauma is being immobilized when trying to get back at the person who harmed him!), as the Throat Bob of Feeling (his biggest emotional tell) shows, but he stops and hears LLH out. 

He escalates things later by putting his sword to LLH’s throat and telling him he’ll torture him to get the cure, but it’s more a warning than an actual threat; the fabric of LLH’s robes is between the blade and his skin so not even the flesh will be nicked. And once he learns that LLH is doing this not to harm him but because he wants his help–before he even knows what LLH wants his help with–he removes his dao from LLH’s neck and asks for more details. (There’s so much to say about how he wields words in this conversation, too, but it’s already getting too long!) This interaction shows that, for him, physical violence is to counter an active threat, even if he’s mad and hurting, and that his default even during times of extreme stress is to stay calm, despite how incredibly hard that would be for anyone.

DFS and FDB

This could be an entire meta on its own, but since it’s more obvious than some of the other points, all I’ll say here is that Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng argue and fight all the time, but Di Feisheng almost never instigates it: DFS usually tries to ignore FDB and walk away to avoid the conflict entirely, and once FDB throws the first punch, DFS’s goal is to get out of the fight, not to hurt him. Look at how FDB is actually trying to choke DFS when they’re wrestling and DFS is more bracing against his shoulder, as @difeisheng has said, or even at the rest of the fight choreography where each of DFS’ strikes is to force FDB to let go of him and to leave the room. 

(Note: FDB tries to strangle DFS first, whereas DFS is mainly trying to brace himself against his arms and keep him at arm’s length.

Even in the ep 13 fight, when Di Feisheng eventually poisons Fang Duobing with gang qi, he gives him several verbal warnings to draw his sword first, because he doesn’t want to fight someone who is unarmed. He’s also not trying to kill FDB; he’s trying to hurt him just enough that LLH is forced to ask for his help and agree to live. (More on this in the yin leaves meta I will eventually write.) So, again, it’s controlled violence in service of a larger goal, not vengeful, uncontrolled lashing out. 

DFS and the Limits of Emotional Regulation

There are 3 main times when DFS’ control over his anger/hurt/violence is shaken or in jeopardy: 1. when he finds out Li Lianhua was poisoned and is dying; 2. when he wakes up in pain and with no memories in the corpse seller’s place; and 3. when he wakes up from a nightmare/flashback–still without memories–in a bed with LLH hovering over him. For each, I’ll explain possible reasons the event could be so triggering to clarify why he struggled with emotional regulation. (Also, keep in mind that being triggered can happen even if the person in question doesn’t consciously know what triggered them or why, so while he might be aware of some or all of the connections between the present event and his past experiences, he wouldn’t need to be consciously aware of any of them for them to affect him emotionally and make it harder for him to control his response.)

Fight over Bicha

The scene where DFS learns that LXY was poisoned for their donghai battle and thought it was on DFS’ order is fascinating, because it is the most angry and volatile we see DFS at any point in the show as an adult: he yells, repeatedly, his voice shaking with emotion, and he chokes Li Lianhua twice. Given how tightly controlled he is the rest of the time—including when he confronts his abusers and any of the times he is captured or tortured (I’ll talk about the latter two in a dissociation meta later)—that means that whatever he is feeling must be overpowering to shake his iron control. So before we get into analyzing the way that he is still showing restraint, even here, we need to address why this realization would be such a trigger for him.

Although DFS claims he’s angry and upset about the realization because he wants to be the best in a fair fight and his previous fake victory made him seem like a joke, it seems highly likely he’s not telling the full story, since that’s not really a thing he does. (For a full listing of things he lies about or deliberately omits/withholds, check out this post.) In fact, it seems very likely his reaction happened because of just how many triggers this scenario managed to hit. For example, at Di Fortress, he was forced into fights he didn’t want to participate in, where the odds were stacked against him because he was a child forced to fight people older and more experienced than he was, so as an adult, he wants to fight people who are at his level, and not people weaker than he is, because he doesn’t want to continue the cycle. This is why he isn’t interested in fighting other people on the martial arts list, why he barely expends any power at all on fighting the Sigu sect members, etc. He knows what it feels like to be on the other side of that, and in the same way that he wants to free the children in the Di Fortress so they don’t have to suffer as he did, so he wants to never be the cause of someone suffering under an imbalance of power. Also, since every escape attempt from Di Fortress and every attack against his abusive master was rigged against him—because the mind control bug could stop him in his tracks—he likewise doesn’t want to deprive someone of their agency like that. We also know that Di Feisheng and Li Xiangyi signed a peace treaty for five years, where they promised not to attack each other; that promise not to attack each other was exactly what he kept trying to form with the other prisoners in Di Fortress, but he couldn’t find anyone to agree and just got stabbed for his efforts.

Li Xiangyi breaking the peace treaty would have shattered that dream (and probably his heart a bit, too), but even that wouldn’t hurt as much as finding out, all at the same time, that: 

1. He had thought he was the best in the world at martial arts which to him meant safety and security from Di Fortress, and he just found out it was based on a lie; 

2. His now second-in-command, JLQ, had poisoned LXY (which violated the peace treaty), a betrayal that would reactivate his already very prevalent trust issues; 

3. He had fought and almost killed someone in a rigged fight when he tries to be deliberate about his kills and violence so as not to perpetuate the abuse he suffered from; 

4. JLQ had essentially tried to turn him into the butcher the head of Di Fortress wanted him to be, and he hadn’t known it for a decade; 

5. LXY had spent a decade thinking DFS endorsed the sort of abuses he abhorred;

6. LXY is now dying and mostly powerless because of what was done in his name and because he didn’t notice the poisoning kicking in, and LXY refuses to fight for his life or to give DFS a chance to save him and essentially undo the harm that has been done. To DFS, LXY is making him complicit in his death yet again, which would mean being again responsible for the death of someone he wants to live, just like he was as a child. 

Oh, and he’s facing all this with his meridians blocked and without access to his qi, which means he’s most likely feeling perpetually hypervigilant and helpless, which would mean everything is likely to feel like even more of a threat and emotional regulation is even harder.

In short, it is a clusterfuck of epic proportions. And this is all assuming that he mainly thought of LXY as purely a rival he respected: if you read DFS as already loving LXY (whether he realizes it consciously or not), you can see why it would be even worse.

And of course, all of Li Lianhua’s suggestions that DFS pretend he didn’t hear or move on and fight someone else are not addressing the main issues, because he doesn’t know them. But if DFS wasn’t about to tell LXY that someone was framing the Jinyuan alliance for the murder of SGD a decade ago, he’s certainly not about to tell him his deepest secret–that due to a mind control bug, one ring of a bell can render him absolutely helpless, which is why fair fights and being strong enough to defeat any enemy are incredibly important to him–so of course, to LLH, it’s just about DFS wanting to prove he’s the best as part of an ego trip, even though that’s not it at all. And of course LLH’s dismissiveness is going to make everything worse for DFS.

With all that in mind, let’s look at his body language and actions to see how he handles things when he is incredibly close to losing it. Although he does lash out, his first choice, as always, isn’t violence: he gathers info via eavesdropping–rather than bursting in during a fit of rage as soon as he learns the truth–and when he confronts LLH, he yells at him first, telling him what he overheard. It’s only when LLH tries to avoid the subject by snarking at him about eavesdropping instead of telling him the truth that DFS grabs LLH by the neck and shoves him against a pillar. 

The moment in the entire show he is at his angriest is when he yells “It matters!” after LLH says it doesn’t matter who won or lost.

This is what DFS looks like when he’s losing control: his arm shakes for an instant before he locks the muscles to keep in place, and he puts a tad more pressure than he meant to on LLH’s neck before he realizes it and pulls back again. He’s been incredibly truthful here, in a way: the fact that he didn’t win because Li Lianhua was poisoned matters tremendously to him. He’s just not saying why and letting LLH believe the worst of him, which is another of his common strategies.

In case there’s any doubt that DFS’s choking of LLH is more designed to warn than to harm and is overall incredibly controlled apart from that moment, just look at his grip: Li Lianhua can talk and breathe normally and even turn his head the first time, so this move designed to show that DFS is mad, hurt, and serious about the conversation rather than actually trying to hurt or punish LLH or cut off his air. He also lets go completely while trying to convince LLH to let him cure him. He only grips Li Lianhua’s neck again when LLH refuses to accept help and only applies any real force when Li Lianhua essentially calls his bluff about killing people from Baichuan Court (or rather, tells his own bluff–a lie that he doesn’t care what happens to them). 

Even there, since he’s making threats he doesn’t mean, he’s very much trying to play into the villain role LLH saw/sees him as (the person who murdered SGD, broke a peace treaty, and poisoned him), but he’s not doing it to harm LLH or “just” force him to have a second duel: he’s doing it to try to convince him to live, to give him something to fight (him) for: the safety of other people DFS thinks LLH cares about most. 

After all, most of the conversation isn’t about a second duel at all: it’s about DFS trying to convince LLH to let him find a cure. No wonder he has the Throat Bob of Feeling twice when LLH explains that he’s dying and doesn’t have much time left.

With that in mind, the fact that DFS uses the traditional Di family choking move again when LLH refuses to agree to let DFS try to cure him is a fascinating metaphor for how DFS approaches violence when it comes to LXY: he’s using a move designed to cause harm, but with the intent to convince LLH to accept help. In other words, he’s using a technique designed to kill to try to force Li Lianhua to live.

a-Fei and Hypervigilance

Even when DFS wakes up with amnesia, only remembering “kill or be killed” and some of his worst trauma memories, and would be most likely to act on pure instinct, he still exercises restraint. When he finds himself first at the corpse seller’s and later at Lotus Tower, not knowing how he got to either place, it would be the work of a moment to snap the neck of the man trying to sell him to be married to a dead woman without his consent, or to stab the hair stick (or knife? I can’t tell which) from the nightstand through Li Lianhua’s throat. But even then, when he’d have every reason to assume his life is in jeopardy and he needs to kill first, he doesn’t. In both cases, he pauses, gathers information, and listens, and lets go. (And yes, he collapses in the first of these two instances instead of actively making the choice to let go, but he’s already loosened his grip to listen to Li Lianhua, and when he sees the corpse seller the next day, he doesn’t try to harm him, or even exhibit any animosity at all toward him, showing again that once the threat is passed, so too has his desire for violence.) Even when he’s under threat or having a flashback and all he knows is killing, he doesn’t kill. 

DFS and Violence against Abusers

Even when he does intend to harm–particularly with his two abusers, the head of Di Fortress and Jiao Liqiao (who he kills, even though it goes against his policy of not killing women)–his emotions and actions are tightly controlled: while he does choke them and destroy their meridians, and tell them why he’s getting revenge, his voice, strength, and facial expressions are almost superhumanly regulated. 

Confronting an abuser is incredibly difficult, because it usually triggers the feelings of fear and helplessness that were experienced during the abuse. It might be hard to imagine DFS feeling fear or helplessness because he doesn’t explicitly show it as an adult much, but the fact that he still has nightmares/flashbacks of being immobilized and hurt by the head of Di Fortress means that even though he’s an adult who is at the top of the jianghu, he’s still regularly re-experiencing the terror of being helpless and at his mercy for decades, and his fear of helplessness has motivated almost every action of his since. That means that he would be struggling during that confrontation, fighting off literal and emotional flashbacks and/or dissociation, and trying to convince his brain that he’s no longer a helpless child about to be punished or killed. And, generally speaking, once you’ve confronted one abuser, future confrontations with different abusers trigger all the feelings from the confrontation with the earlier abuser, especially if the aftermath of the confrontation was traumatic (which, given that it’s when JLQ incapacitated, captured, and tortured him, it definitely was). So, when confronting JLQ, he’s probably reexperiencing that fear and helplessness on top of everything else.  And, given how often we see him show nothing, even while being tortured, the cracks in his facade here speak to just how deeply the confrontations are affecting him. 

He doesn’t even raise his voice, and the only hints of the toll the confrontations are taking on him are tiny, almost invisible facial movements, which you can see in the gifs below:

When the head of Di Fortress offers to make him the new master and in charge of abusing others, the muscles of one cheek and under the opposite eye start twitching.

(and zoomed in if you need a close up!)

2. When JLQ taunts him after he broke free from her prison by saying “Do you want to escape?” his jaw works from side to side as he forces himself to not react.

3. When he chokes JLQ after she says she’ll kill LLH for being the reason DFS doesn’t love her, it takes him two tries to speak before his voice works (look at his lips forming the opening word twice before working the third time.)

So, clearly, the lapses in his control aren’t violent outbursts; they speak to something far more nuanced than that, namely, the emotional turmoil confronting an abuser brings up.

[Also, compare this to LLH’s reaction when he finds out SGD tricked their shifu into sacrificing himself for him. He’s flooded by his emotions, which affects his fighting style, and it triggers a Bicha flare. Note: I’m NOT criticizing LLH here. His reaction makes perfect sense and I’m not saying DFS’ approach is better. I am saying that it’s unusual to have the hero be the one who lashes out and has less emotional control and to have the person the jianghu sees as the temper-tantrum prone villain be the one who keeps his emotions in a chokehold.]

So many shows have confrontation scenes with an abuser be either profoundly triumphant events or violent revenge fantasies where the character almost loses control beating up the person who harmed them. These scenes are fascinating not just because DFS doesn’t rejoice or lose control, but because of the way DFS’ microexpressions show how hard the confrontations are for him. These are not the actions of someone who is controlled by rage or violent impulses. They’re the actions of someone who has spent so much of his life with his body controlled by the non-existent mercy of others that he refuses to let anything, including his emotions and memories, wrestle his hard-won control of his body away from him. Of someone who knows what it’s like to suffer, powerless, at the violent hands of others, and tries to make sure that the violence he commits with his own hands is well-reasoned and justified. Of someone who is hypervigilant not only to external threats but to the threat he himself could be.

In other words, the extreme amount of control he exercises over himself and the way he is hypervigilant to the threat that he could pose and the way he goes out of his way to not abuse power over others the way he was abused is itself a manifestation of his complex CPTSD.

The portrayal of his cPTSD is particularly interesting when you realize that the out of control, hyperviolent danger to society villain stereotype is exactly who the jianghu thinks Di Feisheng is for most of the show. But the reality is that Di Feisheng has more self-control than the rest of the lotus trio (certainly more than Fang Duobing does), even when he’s being violent. And, just as the jianghu’s legends have very little basis in reality and do damage to the characters, so does the caricature of a hyperviolent traumatized villain have almost nothing in common with the real experiences and symptoms of cPTSD and actively harm survivors. And I’m thrilled that this show is giving us new narratives about trauma to challenge that stereotype. 

As for how he holds on to that type of control over himself, given that struggles with emotional regulation are part of having complex ptsd? The short answer is a combination of compartmentalization, dissociation, habit, and grounding techniques (including meditation). 

Stay tuned for a post on these coping mechanisms and the evidence from the show that he uses them.

[spacelazarwolf]

(to your knowledge) are there any genuinely trans affirming versions of ra/di/cal feminism? I've seen a few people here and there on the internet saying Their version of it is trans inclusive but I haven't had the time to do any extensive research..

imo no. ra/di/cal feminism relies on the idea that there is a Victim Group and an Oppressor Group. for traditional ra/df/ems, those groups are based on agab. "females" are victims and "males" are oppressors, and these are immutable categories. if you are female, you are and will always be a victim and nothing you can ever do will change that. if you are a male, you are and always will be an oppressor and nothing you can ever do will change that.

for neo ra/df/ems (tirfs, whatever you want to call them), those immutable categories are "man" and "woman", or sometimes "man" and "nonman." if you are a woman or "nonman", you are and will always be a victim and nothing you can ever do will change that. if you are a man, you are and always will be an oppressor and nothing you can ever do will change that. this ideology appeals to a lot of groups like trans and queer people who were afab that don't align with manhood and also to trans women and trans femmes, because those are groups who understandably have a lot of resentment toward the patriarchy for the trauma it's caused them.

but when you look at the other side of the constructed binary, you have a lot of trans and intersex people (whether that's trans men, trans people who pursue masculinizing transition, trans people who align with manhood regardless of agab, intersex people who choose to align with manhood or are forcibly aligned with manhood because of their intersex traits that are perceived as "male", or trans people who were amab that are forcibly aligned with manhood because of the way they present) who simply do not hold any societal power and are in fact profoundly oppressed under the patriarchy who are now being labeled as oppressors simply because of the way they identify or they way they're forcibly aligned. this can be particularly traumatizing for trans people like me who have a lot of deep trauma from the several decades being perceived as and treated as a woman/"female", because our trauma is usually dismissed as "misdirected" or "not as bad." this incongruence between lived experiences of oppression and perceived status as oppressor further marginalizes these groups; they continue to experience oppression in general society because of their status as "other", but are also turned away from safe spaces because of their perceived status as oppressors, and this leads to high levels of isolation, depression and anxiety, violence, and suicide.

ra/di/cal feminism also holds the idea that misogyny is the one true/most important form of oppression. it asserts that all other forms of bigotry stem from misogyny, so the priority should be to overthrow the patriarchy. which sounds like a noble goal in theory, but in practice what it really looks like is a lot of white women wanting to flip patriarchy on its head so they're the ones in charge instead of white men. and historically white women have had an integral role in maintaining white supremacy, so it's understandable why a lot of people of color, including women of color, reject ra/di/cal feminism.

this presents itself in neo ra/di/cal feminism as well when discussions surrounding gender based oppression and transphobia fail to take race into account. trans men are perceived as transitioning into an Oppressor Group, therefore they must be transitioning into an easier and more privileged life. but black and brown trans men report experiencing more violence after they transition. white trans women's voices are prioritized over trans men of color because one is seen as the Victim and the other as the Oppressor, which results in white voices and narratives being prioritized in trans discussions, and does not take into account the way white women have historically used their whiteness as a weapon against black and brown men.

so in conclusion of this mini essay, i argue that there can never be a form of ra/di/cal feminism that is truly accepting of all trans people because the mandatory binary way of thinking is incompatible with queer and trans existence, and because it is not structured to take race and ethnicity into account which makes it inaccessible to racial and ethnic minorities. intersectional feminism that challenges binaries and targets the system instead of individuals or groups of people will always be more inclusive and successful.

[marejadilla]

José López Vergara, “The Plague”, oil on Belgian linen panel. b. 1994 México DF, raised in Madrid. INPRNT Traditional Art Award 2020 Finalists @beautifulbizarremagazine Art Prize,

[folkloristico]

Some Daphne & CoL (& Bloom) headcanons that have been haunting me nonstop lately

So I’m sharing them here.

A key factor of my understanding of Daphne is that she was homeschooled and as a result grew up mostly sheltered from the outside world (courtesy of the war as well), being more familiar with (formal) adults than her own peers. As a result, she developed a strong relationship with all CoL members.

Oritel

Daphne is totally a daddy’s girl. Sometimes when she’s still in her early teens and life is calmer, she knows how to tug at his affection to get what she wants. She isn’t spoiled, exactly, but Domino prides itself of being one of the most ancient and powerful monarchies (though most of them do, really; they aren’t rich and powerful for no reason) and Daphne herself isn’t immune to this.

Daphne often ditches her royal maids (the three we see in the second movie) and goes searching for her father, usually finding him busy in his office. Once she unlocks her basic fairy form and is free to soar into the sky it’s over for them. Oritel does admonish her (sometimes), but he’s too fond of her to send her away and so they end up spending lots of time together like this.

They can go on for hours playing strategic games together.

He teaches her sword-fighting. Sometimes he lets her win, but Daphne points it out to him that she doesn’t like it and so Oritel stops.

He also teaches her how to play the piano—it’s the only artistic talent he has, Marion being the true artistic soul of the family. (And Bloom, too, later on.)

Marion

Moments of intimacy between Daphne and Marion are rare because Marion does the majority of the traveling on behalf of the kingdom. She is better at handling people than Oritel is, and being the one born into the royal family comes with a fair amount of advantages. (Slightly unrelated to Daphne but still worth mentioning—they both know it’s how most people see them and it’s something that makes them uncomfortable, for different reasons, but they soon grow to ignore it.)

As a young princess (late teens-early 20s), Marion would sometimes name-drop the Dragon Flame just to see how people would react. It was the little power she was granted over them, and she isn’t proud of that now. What she is proud of is seeing Daphne is much more wary with the DF than Marion herself ever was.

Soon the word spreads that the young princess is an amazing Guardian and Marion takes it upon herself to teach Daphne everything she can.

Both Marion and Oritel are very protective of Daphne because of reasons that stem from their childhood/families, and they try so hard to keep Daphne safe that it sometimes backfires.

Like during the war, they start drifting apart. That is because Marion and Oritel are so determined to protect Daphne while she’s still a teen that they don’t tell her many things, and Daphne, who is incredibly receptive, isn’t to be fooled.

She grows to think they don’t trust her as much as thought they did. There’s still an insane amount of love between them, but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough. Especially on Daphne’s part.

Hagen

He’s been around since Daphne can remember, and he’s as close to an uncle as he can get.

Most people find Hagen’s presence to be uncomfortable because he speaks ever so rarely that they don’t know what to do with him, especially in a climate where people are always meddling and poking their noses around—Downton Abbey kind of thing, where no one, from servants to royalty, knows how to shut the fuck up, ever.

Oritel doesn’t have much time to take Daphne to the stalls and just hang out, so Hagen takes it upon himself to teach Daphne how to properly take care of her horse—which Oritel and Marion gave her as a gift. (In a world of technology and magic, of course, there are countless ways of traveling that are indeed faster, but people in the Magic Dimension are still attached to traditions.)

Ironically, the longest conversations Daphne ever has with Hagen happen when she asks him questions about subjects he’s interested in—mostly sword-fighting and sword making, occasionally battle strategy and tactics.

Saladin

He’s the kind of guy who gets along well with everyone.

People who meet him might think he’s naïve, but despite having an easy-going personality, he’s wary of the people he can trust. His kindness shouldn’t be mistaken for foolishness.

Because of this, Daphne is quick to warm up to him.

She has a lot of questions about… anything, really, and he makes sure to respond to them as best as he can. Marion and Oritel are often too busy to spend a lot of time with him when he’s visiting. Hagen and Faragonda only half-listen to him rumbling about this or that, and eventually they get tired of it, but both are too considerate of his feelings to let him know.

Saladin knows this, and sometimes uses these occasions to make fun of them.

Daphne, on the other hand, can never get enough. She grows particularly fascinated with Andros because of some similarities the planet shares with Domino (and because it’s the home planet of Sirenix), and it just so happens that Saladin has some acquaintances from the planet, in part thanks to his work at Red Fountain.

He brings Daphne gifts whenever he can; she has a whole shelf dedicated to them. With time, she feels she should reciprocate somehow, so she starts meddling about the palace trying to find anything that could interest Saladin.

Because he knows so much already, surprising him is hard, but still Daphne does her best. Eventually, even Marion and Oritel fall into this routine and whenever they find something of interest, they make a mental note of mentioning it to Daphne. But she’s the Biggest Nerd Ever™️ and usually knows about that stuff already.

More related to Marion but still worth mentioning, Saladin is Marion’s favorite person to have around when she has to attend royal business meetings/parties. He’s fun to be around and has a knack for always steering the conversation in the right direction, which comes particularly in handy when they’re in the company of someone who Marion doesn’t like. (She’s too polite to say it to their faces, but there are some people she just can’t stand.)

Faragonda

Faragonda is the kind of person you go to when you want to have a sincere and mature conversation about something.

She’s a powerful fairy and, like Saladin, has a kinship for academics. But she favors interacting with people over researching, and so she doesn’t have extensive knowledge on everything.

But being the only fairy of CoL outside of Marion, there are things Daphne prefers asking her rather than Saladin. Like when Daphne first considers the idea of studying to become a Nymph, Faragonda is the person she goes to.

During the quietest years of the war, Daphne spends some months at Alfea and they get closer than ever. (Though it was partly because Oritel asked Faragonda to keep an eye on her. He thinks Daphne doesn’t know this much, but she does.)

Because Faragonda knows Daphne has a kinship for the academics, she offers Daphne to help out at Alfea after the Sirenix Curse is broken.

Griffin

Griffin joining the Company goes opposite from smooth and so Daphne is kept at a distance from her. Oritel in particular is wary of her and doesn’t want Griffin nowhere near his daughter. 

Marion is of a slightly different opinion. At first, she doesn’t trust Griffin more than Oritel does, but she’s too preoccupied with the war and everything else to even consider the idea of Daphne developing a relationship with Griffin.

Because the truth is, none of them believe this allianceship will evolve into something deeper. But slowly—very slowly—they fall into a new routine and Griffin goes from serious threat to someone who’s just there to someone they can actually trust.

While there isn’t any active form of discrimination against witches by the time Daphne is born, anti-witch sentiment is still very real. Because of that, Daphne has never met many witches before. Griffin is the first chance she’s got at interacting with one, and she’s mesmerized by Griffin’s extensive knowledge. It doesn’t go as far as Saladin does but rather limits to certain aspects of magic for which they both share an interest.

Daphne is weirded out by her, but in a strange, almost funny way. It’s like there’s this person who just came out of nowhere and everyone just accepted it. Well, not everyone, exactly—half the palace wants her dead, but she has the approval of the queen and—reluctantly—the king, and so no one dares to say anything.

It’s only later that Griffin grows comfortable enough to tease Oritel about it, who, for his part, always looks on the verge of a stroke everytime he’s reminded how close Daphne has gotten to Griffin. Which only sets Griffin for even more teasing.

Marion has since longer abandoned her prejudices and isn’t worried about their relationship. 

Griffin will never admit to it, but she enjoys Daphne’s company in the library as much as she enjoys Faragonda’s.

Only sometimes does Daphne cross the line and ask questions Griffin doesn’t know how to respond to—mostly about the war, or if Daphne is feeling particularly bold,  Griffin’s past affiliation with the Coven and Valtor. Daphne is barely in her early 20s by the time Domino is wiped away; she isn’t a child anymore, but Marion and Oritel are protective of her to a fault and don’t want her to get involved.

Bloom

Bloom and Daphne’s relationship from before the destruction of Domino is almost non-existent because Bloom was still a baby when the planet was attacked. 

But Daphne, for her part, loved her, deeply and devotedly. She always wanted to have a little sister, and just when she thought it would never happen, her mother was pregnant. But months later, Marion suffered a spontaneous abortion, and she and Oritel stopped trying after that.

That is why the news of Bloom comes both as a blessing and a curse. It’s everything they’ve ever wanted, but the timing is so wrong that Marion wonders if it wouldn’t be for the better if she lost  this child as well. But she doesn’t, and when Bloom is born, Daphne swears on her life that she will never let anything bad happen to her.

Suffice to say that once Domino is restored, they all love Bloom—because how couldn’t they? She’s the lost princess who saved them all. But their own understanding of her only goes as far as the vague idea they have of her, and in reality Bloom is struggling an awful lot to fill the shoes of the person they want her to be.

Daphne knows exactly what it feels like, and as she, too, is struggling after having basically come back from the dead, she makes sure Bloom knows she can count on her anytime. Bloom feels like a burden to her, but she doesn’t realize how much she is helping Daphne in return.

Their relationship is smoother than the one Bloom has with Marion and Oritel. They’ve all gone through an insane amount of trauma, and they’re all trying their best. The fact is that Bloom never felt like she needed to meet her biological parents because she always had parents, still has them, and they’re the best pair you could ever ask for. Whenever she’s with Marion and Oritel, Bloom feels like she’s somehow betraying Vanessa and Mike.

Daphne is a whole different deal. Bloom never had a sister but always wished she had one, and in that sense, Daphne has sort of dropped from the sky. Not to mention that during the three years Bloom spent at Alfea, Daphne was always there for her whenever she could—when she was strong enough to reach Bloom in her dreams, that is—and helped her get through some tough moments.

It’s both easy and weird for them to be around each other. For Daphne, because the baby sister she once held in her arms is now but a few years younger than she is. For Bloom, because she’d gotten so used to the idea of being an only child, and of being able to only talk to Daphne in her dreams, that having her in front of her very eyes is unsettling.

Bloom often feels that now that Daphne—the princess the kingdom has known for more than twenty years—is back, she won’t be ‘needed’ anymore. She doesn’t realize just how much Daphne loves her. Because to her, it’s like the mere fact of Bloom having survived the war is proof enough that she’s succeeded in keeping her promise to keep her little sister safe.

[potahun]

Favourite BGM tracks in LHL

because i love this OST to death. it's a gift among cdrama osts. all links go to YT

Category: "Character" Themes

世上再無李相夷 | Never A Li Xiangyi Again In The World

少俠方多病 | Young Hero Fang Duobing

笛盟主 | Director Di

(i use the term "character theme" loosely, since, interestingly, "Director Di" often plays during Jiao Liqiao scenes -- uwu make of it what you will -- and there are other tracks with character names in them)

Category: Epic/Battle Themes

鏖戰 | Fierce Battle (plays, among others, during part of the donghai battle, as well as in ep18 during dfs vs sigu sect masters)

破阵 | Break The Formation (unofficial Li Xiangyi theme imo because it plays a lot when he has to act as LXY. notably plays during that scene in ep27 ;_;)

相夷太劍 | XiangYi Swordplay (notably, plays for a large part of the donghai duel)

白刃 | White Blade Edge (when a certain character stirs trouble)

Category: Spy Galore

婆娑步 | Swirling Steps (plays a lot during detectiv-ing moments, and is also the episode cutter theme)

Category: Nostalgic and Sentimental

紅綢慢 | Slow Red Silk (notably, plays during the ep 19 conversation between qiao wanmian and li lianhua in the sigu sect courtyard. this track kills me TT)

人世太匆忙变奏 | The World Is Too Hasty Instrumental Vers. (plays, notably, when he xiaohui tells the story of he xiaolan)

守護 | To Protect (notably, plays when fdb mourns what he had with li lianhua on the roof, in ep 28)

山外变奏 | Beyond The Mountains - Instrumental Vers (notably, plays during ep 19 "i didn't underestimate you" fanghua scene, ep 38 wedding wine scene, and ep 15 fanghua rooftop drinking scene)

诉说 | Recountings (plays when fdb watches the moon, alone this time)

一壶莲花醉变奏 | Drunk On A Pot of Lotus Wine - Instrumental Vers.

Category: Mysterious and/or Ominous

玉城诡案 | Thrilling Case of Jade City (i love the mix of gothic with traditional chinese instruments/gufeng)

扑朔迷离 | Bewildering (notably, plays in ep 1 during the night opening of the coffin uwu. slaps best with earphones)

魔音缭绕 | Lingering Mystical Sounds (di feisheng waking up after 10 years, among others)

Category: Jiang Hu Spirit

山外游志 | Beyond The Mountains, Travel Notes Vers. (notably, plays during the sigu sect revival scene aka "i was in line waiting for wontons")

念破人世太匆忙 | The Word Is Too Hasty (Electric Guitar Vers)

Category: Shenanigans

房車日常 | Daily Life In The Caravan (Ep1 Li Lianhua's first scene anyone?)

中二症 | Chuunibyou (plays often in daily caravan scenes)

蒙面 | Masked (notably, dfs eats very fast, ep 8)

Just making this compilation had me amazed again at the huge breadth in variety of this OST, and how each track stands alone as a beautiful track regardless of the show, but, placed within it, also makes the story so much more alive <33333

[topaz-witch-tea]

absolutely loving the au, here to ask a question and to offer up my own ideas because i am brainrotting and adoring this

my question is, are you ok with people writimg their own fics of this au? credit of course will be given to you if permission to post is permitted on ao3, and it'll also be gifted, but i haven't written anything for hsr yet and i wanna get to practising the sillies

second, what ideas/petnames/doting names did jy, yx and df call yanqing when he was younger? and alternatively, if there's ever a time where yanqing is upset, would they call him that, even when hes a bit older, to comfort him, just an old habit they can't shake?

and, also, what similarities do yoy think he shares the most with each respective parent? yingxing and him definitely bond over swords,but what about the others?

i have plentyyy more ideas brewing in the ol noggin but i adore this AU, i think its wonderfully written and i cant wait to see what happens in elegy! have a good day!

Hello!!!!

Yes! Please feel free to write your own fics of this au, just remember to credit me and let me know because I would love to read it. 🥰 If you want any information on my AU that I have not posted about/published yet, let me know I will be more than happy to provide you with the info. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. 😁

The main petname that shows up in the fics is "Little Bird". All three of them call Yanqing this because when he was little, the sparrows and fiches would like to perch on his crib to look at him and Yanqing loved to copy them. He would flap his arms to mimic a bird flying whenever he saw one. They still call him that in private, though it gets less and less common as Yanqing gets older.

It does show up when they are comforting him, especially when he is upset about something concerning them. When he is upset, Yanqing likes to hide in dark places where other people can't reach him. He'll hide in the corner of his bed with the drapes pulled down or in his closet behind his clothes. His dads will often call him "little bird" to coax him out to get them to talk to him.

You are correct, Yanqing shares his interest in swords with Yingxing. For Dan Feng, it's the arts, primarily music. The Vidyadharas are known for their music and profoundly sad ballads. Music has always had its place in traditional education, particularly those of wealth and nobility, so I see Dan Feng knowing music and incorporating music into Yanqing's education. I can see Dan Feng giving Yanqing his jade dizi as a present.

For Jing Yuan, I don't see it as any tangible like swords or instruments but rather politics. Even though he is young, Jing Yuan will also give him exercises. "Who is talking?" "Who is listening?" "Who is at this event and who is not?" "If this were to happen, who would benefit and who would lose?" Yanqing's birth has always been a focus of gossip and his every movement is judged due to his position and lineage. So Jing Yuan considers it important he knows how to defend himself in these situations. If the three of them were to pass, Yanqing would still inherit titles and fortune and Jing Yuan could not bear it if someone took advantage of his son after he passed.

AWWW!!! THANK YOU!!! I love answering asks so please feel free to send more. I am also excited for the next chapter. I want the angst to be perfect.

[marinatyulpanka]

Mellis. The Divine Family.

[joyouslee]

Going feral again remembering the unbearable intimacy of DFS teaching LLH the secrets of beifeng baiyang. It's just not done to pass on one's secret techniques (to his neili! his inner power! the basis of his martial arts!) like that unless it's to a disciple or close family member (spouse, children). LLH killed two people for not being worthy of it (ok, and yes, for threatening FDB, but the disgust was real). It's not something you can just ask for. In wuxia tradition the teacher will at least want three kowtows.

(I love that LLH teaches FDB yangzhouman but FDB has been calling LXY shifu for a decade, so it's more orthodox.)