#development tbt

[twelvroses]

LIZ's DIARY - 16/07/24. mentioned: @dreamquest @fiixion @yunzip @pinkscaped ♡ (& ahin lol)

The latest episode of Dreamquest just aired; I’m writing this in my dorm. Have I even written about my dorm? I can’t remember the last time I actually had the time to sit down and write, I think it was just before the show started… I used to be so diligent about keeping this diary, but life has gotten so hectic. I’m sharing a room with Yoon and Miyu. Both of them seem nice, but it’s a little awkward. Since we were all on different teams, I don't know how to approach them them because I'm not sure if they see me as a friend or just someone they'll need to beat. I wish I was the type of person who could start a conversation with anyone, but I just don’t know how to keep it going. The words don’t come for me. I haven't really bonded with any of the other girls, and I can tell that some of the other girls think I’m a bitch, but everyone always thinks I’m a bitch and I can live with that. Sani is really nice, though, she's really really cute, and she was so nice to me after the Fancy performance, so I think it'd be fun to be on a team with her at some point. But it would be really nice if I could at least befriend my dormmates too. I mean, assuming none of us get eliminated, they’re gonna be the first and last people I see every time I wake up or go to bed. Don’t you think that kinda sets the tone for your entire day? Even if none of us make it, it still would be nice to have some friends. That reminds me, now that I’m at Valentine, I hope I get a chance to meet the Medusa girls soon. I’ve always really liked Choi Gain sunbaenim. She just comes out and says whatever she’s thinking, no matter who’s listening or how many cameras are on her. I’ve been trying to be like that, but like everything else I try to say, it dies in my throat. Maybe if I get to hang out with her, it’ll rub off on me a little bit. 

Anyway, I won't have chance of meeting Medusa if Valentine drop me, and they might do just that, cause the CEO already told me that he expects big things from me. He told me to keep my sights set on top 5, because this is the very first time Valentine has EVER sent a trainee to a debut show, and I’m their only trainee, so if I totally flop, it’ll be really embarrassing for them, and I feel like the whole place is built on one man's very flimsy ego so he'll probably just drop me. We got to see our rankings and right now, I’m at nine. It’s not too bad, and so I want to be proud of it, but I know it’s not good enough. It doesn’t feel fair. I didn’t get a single solo line in Genie! How the hell am I supposed to get screen time and convince people to vote for me if I’m not being given the same opportunity to sing as some of the others? I wonder if the showrunners think I can’t sing because I rap. 

I also hate my new CEO, Yoo Seobin. He walks around like a weirdo mafia boss. You know, Ahin sunbaenim told me that when they go out for company dinners, he makes him, Choi Gain and Kwon Harin sit at a separate table with him. It’s supposed to be a ��leaders privilege,’ but he’s kind of just keeping them away from the party. He thinks he’s the godfather, or something. Like it's an honour to sit with him. If I end up in a Valentine group, I pray to god that I’m not the leader. I’d hate to sit and drink with him. Did you see his fucking press release about me? He talked about how I was hypnotizing and my beauty was unmatched or something… Like he’s a married, middle aged man. It's so weird and I'm really worried if he keeps talking about me like that, people will start making up rumours. Even the thought makes me want to throw up. I wore the baggiest clothes I own last time I had to go to his office, and he still kept looking at me weird. Ahin sunbaenim said I can wear one of his sweaters next time, because if he sees me in boy's clothes he might assume I have a boyfriend and back off. It’s kind of cute that he thinks that would work. 

But Ahin sunbaenim is nice. I’m even going to record a demo for him next week. It’s not gonna be for me in the end, I think he’s just gonna send it out to a bunch of labels and see who wants the song, but I’m getting paid for recording so it’s already the most legit gig than I’ve had in about five years. He’s fun to hang out with. I think he has a little bit of a crush on me, but for once that doesn’t bother me. I think it’s just refreshing to come across a guy, especially one who’s a bit older than I am, who isn’t so fucking leery and demanding. He doesn’t even flirt or anything, he just gets shy around me and it’s easy to make him blush. It’s funny. And he does have a nice smile.

I just realised I'm writing about boys in my diary so I'm going to stop now because I'm not twelve. Kwon Ahin is the last thing I need to be thinking about right now. What I need to do is win this competition. I really hope, like really really really hope that I can rap in the next round. Like a proper rap that wasn’t written by fucking JYP, I mean. I’m really regretting singing for my audition. My first choice was Payday by Yoon Mirae but Seobin told me I had to pick something recent. If I’d pulled off a Yoon Mirae song I think I might be way higher in the ranks by now. But if I don’t get to rap there’s no way I’m gonna crack the top five. And if I get kicked from Valentine, it’s like losing the biggest opportunity I’ve ever had. I feel like I might just be setting myself up for one big joke. I couldn’t even rise up the popularity rankings of Bouquet. Do you know how easy it is to be more popular than a Bouquet member? Most idols who debut achieve it on their first day without even knowing cause they probably don’t know who Bouquet are. Were. Also, FUCK OHJANG ENTERTAINMENT.

I owe more money than I’ve earned, my parents lost all enthusiasm for this path for me a long time ago… I can’t even remember what it felt like for them to take pride in me. Honestly I started writing this entry because I thought I was going to end it by affirming to myself that this would be a turning point and I’d ace it from here on out, but I kinda feel worse than when I started writing. I should go to bed. I have to get up early to get some practice in before official practice starts, and if the girls who ranked lower than me find out I’m whining and moping about ranking 9th, they’ll think I’m even more of a bitch than they already do.

Well, just wish me luck in the next round, I guess!

[artistmarchalius]

A formative experience.

A prequel to the Pop Rock Floyd series.

[allisonperryart]

#ThrowbackThursday to a Santa Ana sunset study - I love it when the clouds turn vivid pink like this! 🌇 Thanks for looking!

[grievedifferent]

also for sex and sexuality, romeo is bisexual with a preference for women. he has a pretty average sex drive, something that settled in his mid-twenties from being a little higher in his teens and early twenties. he tends to sleep with his partners that he's in a relationship with. he is somewhat submissive, but can be dominant, and generally follows his partner's lead / what they like and want. he has his own likes, desires, and kinks. he likes a bit of intimacy and foreplay but can be nervous with his body. he needs a bit of encouragement sometimes that he's attractive.

he doesn't date a lot, but he doesn't not date, if that makes sense? he can be a bit shyer in the approach and courting aspects of dating ... though he will ask someone out if he really likes them. however, he's tentative about ruining a friendship if that's happened first, especially if it's a strong bond (strong enough that he doesn't want to lose it if something romantic doesn't work out / if the friendship couldn't return to the way it was pre-dating).

[handgiven]

also i do love relationships developed over time (and there's so much time what with emmanuel having hung out on earth ever since the Beginning) but i also do feel strongly about one-off interactions. some muses have one night stands. other muses (emmanuel) have that one single afternoon / odd hour of a day shared with a stranger on a bench in a park somehow talking so openly about something so personal, and when they leave you feel this inexplicable comfort-- and you know you will never see them again, you can barely remember their face. you just know you will be alright. they said so, and they seemed to believe it.

[unmeinoniwa]

everytime a new elfensjon song releases my theo/yggdrasil brainrot only gets stronger

[chernayavidua]

you’ve been avoiding me . (for phil)

YEAR: 2015 LOCATION: natasha's upper east side apartment

                 as soon as the words leave his mouth regret starts gnawing at him because they sound like he's accusing her of doing it on purpose. but given the circumstances, she has every right to do so. and yet after a dozen calls and half a dozen messages and voicemails, he feels like perhaps she is avoiding him and everyone else. natasha glares daggers at him but says nothing. slowly he follows her further into the lavish loft. the scattered papers, pictures, books, piles of old newspapers and magazines are everywhere. what he can only assume to be a marble breakfast bar is covered with them and the stunning wooden floor in the living room is also covered with all sorts of papers. a portion of the floor to ceiling windows is covered by pictures, flashcards, and sticky notes. a timeline. the multicolored squares remind him of his own attempts at remembering things and how those damn squares were in almost every room of his own apartment. there's a broken glass on the far side of the room. the scene is a familiar one to him. it nudges him off kilter only enough to cause the faint beginnings of anxiety to take hold.

what was so important that you had to show up here?

                 she looks a mess. she looks tired. exhausted really. the dark circles under her eyes look to be that of weeks worth of sleepless nights. the shadows of her high cheekbones mean that she hasn't been eating normally and the red around her eyes is self explanatory. she arches a brow from where she sits on the couch.

                 “i figured why take up more space in your voicemail when i can get a faster answer in person..” there's a momentary struggle of deciding if he should cross the room towards her or not. an urge he fights to suppress by crossing his arms, gaze flickering about the space. silence engulfs them.

i'm tired and angry. her voice wavers, head hanging low. his brows pinch. he waits for her to elaborate but instead she abruptly stands, hands ranking through messy crimson hair. you don't get it. everyone is fucking lying to me. everyone is hiding things from me like i'm too fragile to handle the truth. they look at my like if they say the wrong thing i might kill them. do you know what that's like? to have your friends, people you cared about, lying straight to your face?

                 he knows what it's like to not be able to trust your own mind. even all these years later he still has holes in his memory and certain memories feel more like dreams and sometimes he'll lose hours of the day, unable to even remember anything. and the nightmares. those damn nightmares used to make the nights feel longer than the days. sometimes they still do. even with melinda's help ---if one could call it that--- the effects of being brought back to life still lingered. he moves towards the coffee table as she paces, the curiosity that their line of work brings out getting the better of him. (she's a private person ---they both are--- and with his forced presence he's taking a chance by poking around.) he nudges one of the papers out of the way, revealing a handful of pictures scattered underneath.

                 “you're still confused about what happened between you and barnes.” he catches a glimpse of himself among the scattered photographs on the coffee table.. and the sick part is that it feeds his ego knowing that she's kept this picture of them, that she's looked at it, attempted to place it in a moment in time. he still remembers the sound of the little snort she let out that caused him to grin, attention solely on her. the moment forever frozen in time.

about him. about my time at shield. there's a pause as she turns her back to him and moves further away from the coffee table and couch to pace. about you. the last three years have been a lot to deal with, mentally that is. i don't even know if what i think is real was real at all. ivan can only help so much. i don't have an appetite. i get splitting headaches that make me nauseous. i can't sleep--

                 he pulls himself away from his thoughts. the moment captured in that photograph forgotten as his attention returns to her. the sleepless nights would explain the bottle of pills he saw in the kitchen. “you can't do this on your own. you need friends around you to help---”

friends? her voice rings out as she she quickly yet gracefully spins to face him. you mean the same friends that are lying to me? the same ones who didn't question why fury and hill told them not to talk about barnes to me after i took a so called 'deep cover assignment of an unknown duration'. those friends? what are they going to do? how exactly are they going to help me remember?

they stare each other down. the look she gives him daring him to challenge her, daring him to tell her she's wrong. you're here on fury's orders, aren't you?

“no. why---”

don't fucking lie to me, phil!

“i'm not! for fucks sake, natasha! i was the only person who was against fury putting a burn notice on you!”

a burn notice? hill insisted i take a leave of absence. after everything that happened, it made sense --- am i actually undercover for russia? ---no. no i'm not. i don't think i am but--- she mumbles to herself, moving towards the window with all of it's papers.

                 phil sighs, hands resting on his hips. ivan wouldn't have known about the notice in a million years and anyone who is talking to her, even if they're lying, would never have any idea about the official story. fury and hill had made sure that only a select few knew about it. he tried arguing a case for her but they were more concerned about a potential infiltration along with appeasing those within the agency who wanted answers for the deaths of a dozen agents at her hand. they didn't care that she'd been loyal to them for so long nor that she was their top agent. nor that she hadn't been herself when she'd attacked said agents. they had already decided to protect the agency above all else.

                 “if you don't believe what ivan says then believe me because i've been there for you for years. i'm won't lie to you, talya. i never have and i won't start now.” he moves towards her as he speaks. never lying to her was something he prided himself in. the truth might be uncomfortable and harsh and callous but at least it was the truth. lying to himself was an entirely different matter. he reaches for her and despite her attempts to push him away his grip on her wrist is firm as he pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest. she's ramrob straight in his arms yet he presses a kiss to the top of her head. after a few long moments, he feels her sag against him. he smooths her hair down with a hand, the other remaining wrapped around her. moments drag on, silence settles around them like a blanket and soon enough, he feels her start to cry.

                 phil holds her as she cries, as if holding her tightly like this will make them both her whole again.

[bellabaxter2023]

they should invent a going back to school where your abusive ex won’t be there

[divinares]

▩ ⤿ ✮ ⋆˙⊹ ❙  : @huntgrown  liked  for  a  one-liner  !

❝  you  don’t  belong  here,  and  I  think  you  know  that.  you  shouldn’t  be  here,  you  shouldn’t  see  me  —  and  I  would  like  for  you  to  leave  my  doorstep   ❞

[braskide]

been having this thought for a while, and the essence of it is that at this point i do consider my yuna to be like an oc to me — not because i distance myself from the canon timelines ( at least not extremely so as x is constantly object of my meta posts, different thing for x-2 and post ), but because after 10+ years of developping her i have my own vision of her and it all comes after all the introspection i've done regarding her and what i envision her life and character to be post games. i care deeply for her and i can visualize easily how i want her narrative to go in terms of a character that i want to write and develop new verses and dynamics for. my fault is not having enough time or capability in being able to write down every single processed thought i've had regarding her post games timeline, even though i did post the main events for it to what i consider to be her main verse at this moment.

what i love about yuna is that she was presented as a somewhat static character in x, but there's a switch somewhere and it's refreshing to follow that line in terms of writing. i think the most fun a writer can have in terms of roleplaying a character is when they can make them flourish and create so many intricate scenarios because they have a solid base to start from. so even though i'm obviously canon devergent ( i do not consider x-2.5 and -will- to be canon in truth, but i do see .. some .. points? in them? but i still do not agree with any of that and have processed my own timelines instead ) because of the ten years i've spent with her i pretty much have based her on my headcanons and whatnot.

so, that's pretty much my wish: to be able to be more constant in writing out headcanons for her and show how i've shaped her through the years.

[deiscension]

﹄ ◇ ; @voidfragments / WHAT'S SHI QINGXUAN THINKING?

💭 qr had his turn now sqx gets to drag him in return

      ⌜◈⌟    ▌ ──  '𝙄 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙞𝙛 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙤 𝙫𝙞𝙡𝙚. How miserable does someone's life have to be for them to become a rampaging ghost and make it everyone else's problem? Has he no shame? Were I his ancestor, I'd be rattling around in my grave if I found out he was running the mortal realm amok. And in such a tacky manner too! I mean really, bodies strung up in trees, creepy green lights, eating innocent people-- what's the point of it all? Aiyah! Well, I'm not scared of him. Just... a little grossed out.'

     Or, perhaps more succinctly: 

     It can't be that bad-- EWWWWWWWW YOU LIVE LIKE THIS!?

[toadtaverngame]

Happy #ThrowbackThursday 🐸🍸

Abdiel (@abd1fo on ig and twitter) drew various versions of her before we landed on the one we now know and love 🥂 her iconic pearls have always been a key part of her design since day one !

[allisonperryart]

I've been on a bit of a snowy mountain kick since the weather started warming up, so here's a #ThrowbackThursday to an old mountain study - thanks for looking! 🏔️

[konkuurito]

how i feel knowing that 90% of jay's motivations are a "hurt them before they can ever hurt me again" attitude which is mostly a fear-based way to live

he wants revenge, yes, but revenge is a means to an end. really, he wants to feel safe, and getting rid of everyone who ever hurt you is a great way to do that in his eyes

[redpooled]

just figured out undertale yellow exists imma be gone for a bit yall

[ikkaku-of-heart]

@chatcambrioleur asked: Killer x Ikkaku? Send me a ship and I'll fill out this bingo card (Still Accepting!)

Gods, they were my original ship for Ikkaku but I try not to force expectations on Killer muns so it's mostly a guilty pleasure. It appeals to me a lot because it's a sort of star-crossed lovers thing since their captain's rivalry would keep it from ever fully working out most likely. But it's still damn compelling and I don't see it ending with any bitterness - just a mutual understanding that it was a good time, they did care for each other, but ultimately they value their captains more and they respect each other's choice.

(Plus in a certain canon Ikkaku and Killer having been lovers would make his battle against Hawkins extra dramatic but shhhhh we don't talk about that where people can hear)