#detaching from one's source is not a requirement

[pluralhottakes]

Introjects do not have to detach from their source. I’m a fictive and I’m very connected to my source

.

[stressfulsloth]

I've seen a couple of takes about Disco Elysium being copaganda going around recently, and beyond the fact that DE is relentlessly critical of the police force in general and makes explicit reference to the failures of the system that allow the officers in game to abuse their power, I also think it's important to note that there very literally is an in-world version of copaganda that the writers of the game use to parody that romanticised view of the brutality of policing. The RCM at their inception were structurally inspired by in-world copaganda- their culture, their "fashions, even weapon preferences, borrow heavily from classic Vespertine cop shows." Every investigation is it's own little drama, every officer imagining themselves to be the bad-ass hero of their own crime serial. Detectives name their cases like they're naming episodes of a TV series in a "robust but literary system"; a title that "draws inspiration from snoop fiction and Vespertine cop show staples". They give themselves nicknames to sound like cool, suave fictional officers- Ace, Dick Mullen, etc.- from the cool, suave world of copaganda.

The legend of the RCM's inception, the "point of contention" over its uncertain origins, is even an extention of that; the whole organisation is shrouded in this self-fictionalising mythos that allows for distance that in turn obfuscates much of its violence to the officers that participate in it. They get to convince themselves that they're not abusing their power; they're the hero of the story! The dichotomy of "good guy" taking out the "baddies," a manifestation of the libertarian fantasy of the "good guy with a gun" who does what it takes, just like in Annette's detective novels, and at the same time who rails against oversight bodies like Internal Affairs/'the rat squad' because due process slows down the immediate satisfaction of Swift Justice, despite Internal Affairs existing to protect the citizens from overreach on behalf of the police. "Wanton brutality" from police in their real world is a cold bitter reality but Dick Mullen was "made to crack skulls," "bend the rules and solve cases no one else can," and which version of that story is more comforting to the overworked, underfunded officers of the RCM?

The level of fantasy and detachment required for the cops to still see themselves as the good guys after everything that they do in the line of duty mimics The Pigs and her breakdown too; she parallels Harry so clearly. Both "did right by the kids" in the past, hoping for a better future- Marianne (The Pigs) by looking out for Titus and the Hardy boys when they were young, Harry in his role as a gym teacher. Both abandoned and left behind by the system that the RCM uphold- a brutal capitalist landscape with no safety nets. Both turning the source of their trauma into a costume, a performance, a shield, shaped by "radio waves and cop shows." The Pigs uses RCM items scavenged from the Esperance where they'd been thrown away, while Harry uses the Dick Mullen hat that Annette gives him but both are essentially in costume.

Harry identifies himself with the fictional detective as a kind of wish fulfilment; Dick Mullen is "wicked smart." He doesn't fuck up his cases and when he's sad it's not pathetic; it's effortlessly cool brooding and everyone sympathises. Everyone loves him. His violence- "skull crack[ing]"- is justified because he's a "good guy" enacting that violence against the victims of police brutality sorry "bad guys". He doesn't ever face repercussions; "Dick Mullen won't be sent to the clink for the sake of some legal niceties!" So if Harry is Dick Mullen then his failures, his breakdown, they're all just a part of being a "bad-ass, on-the-edge disco cop." He's not wrong, he's a hero! This idealised fictionalised idea of the police force, this "new, sadly better, reality" that both Harry and The Pigs cling to is "escapist stuff," "receed[ing] into a ludicrous fantasy world," so far removed from the brutal material reality that they're in.

My point is, idk. Disco Elysium is so far from being copaganda. It is a multi-million word long dissection of it, of the purpose of policing, of state sanctioned violence and its interaction with capital and the fallout experienced within the wider community as well as the trauma cycle created for individual officers. A dissection of how copaganda interacts with RCM culture and perception, and by extension how we interact with irl perceptions of police through that lens.

[bouquetface]

Vedic Chart Observations 6

Accuracy influenced by ENTIRE chart.

❤️‍🔥 On tumblr, I often see posts about placements that are the "most passionate" or the "most romantic". My opinion is this type of thing depends on our synastry. If you don't activate the planet's in one another, your experience with one another will be bland.

1st House Ruler in 12th H

You can love being alone. You can deal with long periods of being isolated and/or lonely. You may sometimes enjoy peaceful quiet activities. You may choose a career or lifestyle that requires you to work alone.

You desire to live far away. Depending on entire chart, you may actually execute a plan to move far away.

6th House Ruler in 12th H

You can have a career where you work with or in a place such as hospital or prison. You can provide service to those who are in-need. You could work with foreign people too.

7th H Ruler in 5th

After marriage, the spouse can control your creative endeavours/hobbies. Spouse becomes main (not only) source of happiness. This has potential to be negative - EX: 7th h Cap, Saturn in 5th Scorpio. The spouse may be controlling.

Sun Venus Conjunct in 6th H

Possible issues in relationships: money related and work affairs.

You or a partner can take out debts - credit card debt, house or cars you can't truly afford.

If the conjunction is not close, it won't be as extreme as examples above.

Moon conjunct Rahu in 12th House

This shows karma regarding the mother. You will experience periods of feeling very lonely throughout your entire life. You can enjoy this and at other times it causes you distress.

You can accept friends and partners you know aren't good people out of fear of being alone.

You can find peace + clarity far away from birthplace. You can have healing experiences while travelling.

4th House Ruler in 4th House

You can feel secure in having the basics in life. You don't fear going broke. You don't fear homelessness. You can know you will have the support of family.

If Mars is the ruler, you can have a power struggle with the mother. You can have conflict with the family. You can desire control of how things are in your home. You can get into conflict over what you feel entitled to from the family - ex: money, cars, their home, inheritance issues.

1st House Ruler in 1st House

You can be very concerned about your place in life. You care more about your appearance than most. You are sensitive to other people's opinions.

Let's say you have Cap first house with Saturn in first house. This means you will work very hard for what you have. You will work hard for your appearance. You will work hard to find your place in the world. You will work hard to find the ideal person for yourself.

Moon opposite Venus

You can be a very social person. You can need friendships and a romantic partner. Your emotional stability is tied to other people. You need others to love you. This is not someone who can easily detach form other people's opinions.

However, accuracy is dependent on entire chart. This isn't taking into consideration signs and houses and degree.

You can be a very emotional, charming/friendly, and needy person. You can be very romantic.

Jupiter in 8th House

You can meet spouse in secrecy. You can keep the relationship secret for a long time - secret from family or friends. Spouse can be "hidden" meaning you may know of them for a long time before realizing they are "the one". ex: spouse is an old friend from highschool. spouse went to the same uni as you but you never met for years.

8th H is sudden things - you can meet suddenly, you can marry suddenly, you could break up suddenly. When it comes to spouse, you are caught off guard - not always bad. Accuracy depends on entire chart. This doesn't take into consideration signs and aspects.

Spouse can keep secrets related to their own family and/or money.

You must control your spending with this placement. Jupiter can expand what you owe/debt when badly placed. When well placed, you can be good at saving.

DK in Gemini

This won't be true for everyone, however twice I have observed this as a person's spouse being a twin.

[thejournallo]

How to achieve our manifestation in less than three days.

This is a question that is always on everyone's mind because, let's be real, we are all impatient to get our desires as fast as possible. So what can we do to get what we want as fast as possible? Here is THE guide on how to do it.

Is begin "Delulu" the only method to make your manifestation come faster?

People often say that starting with a delusional mindset speeds up manifestation, and you know what? They're absolutely right! Being "delulu" is like wielding a powerful instrument that we can play however and whenever we like. 

But why is it so powerful?  Because we reprogram ourselves by slowly changing our mindset by faking that everything is already ours, reprogramming ourselves means unlearning things that don’t serve our wellness and replacing them with things that do.

Personally, I find it super effective to envision myself in an interview when I try to manifest, telling the journalist how I became so powerful and how everything I've manifested took little to no time. It works amazingly! I get what I want from the universe in just three days by doing this.

We can speed up our manifestations, not just by affirming and believing that we already have what we desire (which alone is often enough to make things happen faster), but also by applying some of the 12 laws of the universe:

The law of Devine ones:

This principle emphasizes that everything in the universe is intrinsically linked, forming a single, unified whole. It implies that we are all interconnected, not only with each other but also with the source, or universal consciousness. With this law, we simply apply the reality that we are already connected to our desire, even if it has to be created from 0. It is already connected to us, and vice versa.

The law of Detachment 1.0:  

The Law of Detachment is a core principle in deductive reasoning and formal logic. It asserts that if a conditional statement (an "if-then" statement) is true and the hypothesis (the "if" part) holds true, then the conclusion (the "then" part) must logically be true as well. I will give a quick example: if I am a witch, then I can do magic (an "if-then" statement), so if I am a witch, and it is true, then the fact that I can do magic is also true. Applying this to manifestations is now as simple as it can be. If I am manifesting this (which is true), then my manifestation is already here (also true).

The law of Detachment 2.0:

The Law of Detachment underscores the importance of trust and surrender. By relinquishing control and not clinging to specific outcomes, you create a state of allowing that can make it easier for your desires to manifest. This approach minimizes stress and resistance, which can otherwise hinder the manifestation process. In essence, the Law of Detachment in manifestation is about balancing desire with surrender. You hold your vision and take steps towards it, but remain flexible and open to how and when it manifests in your life.

The Law of Inspired Action:

Manifestation may require us to take inspired, and intentional action aligned with our desires. This law emphasizes the importance of actively pursuing our goals and dreams while remaining open to guidance and opportunities. For example, if I manifest to go on a great adventure and make a lot of friends along the way, I will have to take the intentional action to book it.

The Law of Rhythm:

Everything in the universe operates in cycles and rhythms. This law suggests that there are natural ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and that understanding these rhythms can help us navigate life more harmoniously. A way that I manifest things is to listen to music that makes me feel powerful and in control of the whole universe. Everyone has this kind of song in their heart because everyone vibrates at a certain frequency and volume. One of mine for example is vampire heart (slowed) - Isak Roen

These laws are not the only way but they for sure are a way. You can use all of them or use only one it is really up to you and i really suggest you learn about the 12 laws because they are a must for manifesting your dream life.

if you are intrested in more intresting way to manifest don't forget to check my masterlist! I hope you have a blessed day or night!

-xoxo the journallo

[ltwilliammowett]

Fishing net glass floats

These beautiful glass balls that many collect today have been around since about 1841, an invention that originated in Norway where old glass and or old bottles were blown into these balls or oval floats to hold fishermen's nets on the surface. However, from the early 20th century, Norway was replaced by Japan as the main producer, where old sake bottles were reused, which is why we are more likely to find these than european models today.

Japanese glass floats

The production process initially required much more skill than one would expect. After blowing, the floats were removed from the blowpipe and sealed with a button of molten glass before being placed in a cooling oven. While the floats were still hot and soft, markings were often stamped on or near the sealing button to brand the floats.

Garnblåser or glass floats

In a later manufacturing method, wooden moulds were used to speed up the float-making process. The glass bottles were blown into a mould to make it easier to achieve a uniform size and shape. The seams on the outside of the floats are a result of this process. This makes it easy to distinguish whether it is a hand-blown float or a float that has been blown into a mould.

Old fishing nets with glass floats hanging at a boathouse wall in Norway.

Most floats are in shades of green because this is the colour of glass from recycled bottles. However, clear, amber, aquamarine, amethyst, blue and other colours have also been produced. The most prized and rare colour is red or cranberry. The production of these colours was expensive as gold was used to produce the colour. Other brilliant colours such as emerald green, cobalt blue, violet, yellow and orange were mainly produced in the 1920s and 30s. Most of the coloured cars available for purchase today are replicas. Originals are difficult to find today. In the past, they were often found on the beaches because they had become detached from the nets and then washed ashore.

Sources below

Glass Ball, A comprehensive Guide for Oriental Glass Fishing Floats found on Pacific Beaches by Walt Pich

Beachcombing for Japanese Glass Floats by Amos L. Wood

[nats-firefly]

look what you made me do

dark!sorority!natasha romanoff x reader

summary: she did this for you

warnings: dark fic, mentions of blood, murder, toxic behavior, stalking, power bottom!nat, strap on use, slapping, scratching, possessiveness, smut 18+

a/n: another repost, this is required reading (she's making a comeback ladies (gn))

🚩 warnings are clearly stated please do not report/flag :) 🚩

words: 4k | feedback is always welcome | masterlist

divider source | gif source

Natasha Romanoff wouldn’t call herself a possessive person. She was never one to hold on to things for a long time, or really care about them sticking around. 

Until you came around.

From the second you saw Natasha you were hooked. Her smug grin and carefree snarky attitude immediately lured you in. You’d never wanted anyone else so bad in your life, and the redhead never felt so wanted. But the feeling of wanting and being wanted was not one Natasha was familiar with. The fight between wanting to keep you to herself and her detached personality an everyday battle.

She managed it, upheld the same rules she kept with every one else with you, even though everything in her wanted to break them. Don’t spend the night, don’t let them leave a mark, don’t chase, and most important of all leave them wanting more. She was almost as obsessed with how many people chased after her than with herself. Then you came along and threatened to change that. 

She didn’t understand what it was about you. Maybe it was the way you would look for her whenever you had class together, or how if you bumped into her on campus you’d always offer to go for coffee. And that one time Natasha was cold and you offered her your jacket, that was a day she would never forget.

It was early spring and the day looked deceptively warm outside Natasha’s window. The sheer tights, miniskirt, and long sleeve in her closet almost screaming at her to be worn. It wasn’t until she was halfway across campus that she realized those were not enough layers. As if that wasn’t enough of a start to her day, some freshman on a bike almost bumped right into her, the close call sending her into the bushes and making her tights snag on the small twigs.

“Shit,” She muttered under her breath.

“Watch where you’re going, kid!” She heard your voice before she felt your hand on her lower back, her cheeks involuntarily reddening. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” She reached down to where her tights were snagged, but couldn’t quite reach.

“I got it-”

“No you have to be careful, it will rip.”

“Yeah, Natasha, I got it, now stop moving,” You hand grabbed onto her thigh, the gesture somehow more intimate that any other moment you’d spent together between hickeys and clothes falling to the floor. “There you go, good as new.”

She noticed the way you stopped yourself from kissing where the twig had been. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Natasha bit her lip as she looked up at you fighting the urge to connect your lips. She had class to attend. You were just a tardy waiting to happen. “Wanna grab coffee?” 

“I-” A wind blew past the two of you, making Natasha’s words falter as goosebumps rose to her skin. “I have class.”

“Do you want my jacket?” Your question was so unexpected she didn’t even have the chance to protest before you were draping the material over her shoulders. “I’ll see you later, Nat.”

And with a kiss on the cheek you were gone and Natasha Romanoff has never been the same. Ever since she revelled in the attention you gave her, got drunk on your compliments and breathed your admiration every time you were around. She couldn’t let something so sweet get away from her.

You only wished she’d tell you. Ever time it seemed like you were one step closer to her she would take twenty steps away. You weren’t exactly fond of it but Natasha was worth playing games for. You’d be her pawn for as long as she wanted.

She couldn’t help the way her head picked up from the book she was reading in a far away corner of the library when she heard your laugh. Natasha didn’t like the way she couldn’t control the smile threatening her lips, but it quickly faded when her eyes zeroed in on where this girl - is that fucking Gen? - you were with was touching you. It was just a friendly touch on your arm but it still made the redhead sick to her stomach.

You didn’t notice her, too focused on trying to finish the project you were working on with your assigned partner Gen. The project was due the following week and the two of you had procrastinated long enough. Natasha watched you the whole time. She changed where she was sitting to behind the two of you after she had finished her work, not wanting to risk any chances of you looking up and seeing her. 

It wasn’t until the sun had set and the library was closing that you and your partner got up to leave. Natasha was already upset, watching you like a hawk. It wasn’t until you opened your mouth that she got mad.

“Do you wanna grab coffee?” She heard your voice in the distance, making her stop in her tracks. She held her arms close to her body trying to keep herself from pacing.

“It’s late, I probably shouldn’t,” She said, starting to walk away from the library. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Another touch to your arm and Natasha was on her way towards you, almost fuming. Nobody gets to touch what’s hers.

“Y/N, hey,” Her voice had no traces of anger, her hands slid up your arm to your shoulder as you turned to her, her fingers stroking the back of your neck. You smiled down at her, your hand instinctively reaching down to her waist and pulling her closer. 

“Hi Nat,” You answered. She almost purred with your hands on her. “What are you still doing on this part of campus so late?”

“I was just working late,” She said, pointing her head towards the library you were just in. “Do you wanna grab coffee?”

“I’d love to,” You said, then pulled her closer, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “I have really good coffee at my place.”

“That’s funny, I was just gonna suggest we go there anyway,” She laughed, an airy gasp leaving her lips when yours touched just below her earlobe. “Do you invite all the girls you meet to your place?”

“Only the pretty ones,” You joked, pulling away from her and taking her hand. She slyly let go of it, walking alongside you in the direction to your apartment building. You lived a short walk away from campus, the whole time the two of you walked, Natasha though about all the other places Gen might have touched. “What are you staring at?”

“Nothing,” She said, her arms snaking around yours. Her perfectly manicured nails dug into your skin. “What were you doing in the library so late?”

“Working on a project,” You answered, walking up to your building door. Natasha noticed how you failed to mention the girl. It meant you had something to hide. In reality you knew how Natasha got sometimes when you hung out with other people. You thought it was hot, you just didn’t want her to bother poor Gen. They were in the same sorority after all. And last time she saw you with another girl from her sorority she kicked her out, you never saw her again.

Natasha nodded her head, following you into the building silently watching your movements. When the two of you stepped into the elevator it wasn’t long until the redhead was pressed against the wall with your head buried in her neck. Her hands gripped your shirt while she pressed herself closer to you, only pushing you away when she felt you sucking a little too harshly.

She turned to the mirror, examining her neck and seeing a deep red fading. “What the fuck, Y/N, you know I don’t like that.”

“Right, you only like being associated with me when it’s convenient to you, must’ve forgotten.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, turning around. The elevator doors opened and you stepped out, the redhead following closely behind.

You unlocked your door, avoiding the redhead’s question. Natasha, however, was not ready to let it go. “Don’t ignore me.”

You sighed a long sigh, putting your backpack down on the floor as she walked through the door, flicking the door closed behind her. Your jaw clenched as you stood back up while Natasha walked towards you with her arms crossed in front of her chest. 

“You act like you own me, but every time I make an attempt to return the gesture you push me away, why is that?”

“Do you not like it?”

“Well if you’re gonna do that, do it like you mean it,” Your face was inches away from hers, an angry fire lit behind her eyes.

“You want me to mean it?” She asked, her hands sliding up to your neck, twirling some of the baby hairs are the bottom of your neck around her finger. 

“Yes,” You whispered, inching closer. She leaned in until your lips were mere millimeters apart. Her hand pulled your head back roughly before your felt her lips connecting to your skin. You moaned, your hands automatically finding their place on her hips and pulling her closer. 

Her teeth grazed your skin, her grip on your hair tightening before she made you look at her again. “You’re mine,” She pushed off of you and pushed you back until you fell back onto your bed. “Not anybody else’s,” She straddled your hips, grinding down on the strap between your legs. “Other people don’t get to touch what’s mine.”

“I wouldn’t want anybody else to,” You said, bucking your hips up against hers. Her hand wrapped around your throat as she leaned over you, putting more pressure against your airway. 

“Mine,” She almost growled, lifting her hips and roughly pushing off of you. You gasped, sitting up onto your elbows while you caught your breath. You watched her shimmy her underwear down her legs, quickly scrambling to take off your own. She moved forward and grabbed onto your hands, completely pulling off your pants down before crawling back onto the bed.

“Do you think she wants you?” She asked, her eyes never leaving your body on the bed as she crawled over you. “Think she wants anything more than this?” Her hand wrapped around the strap, pushing it against you. “This is all you’re worth,” She chuckled, darkly, hovering over you. “And it’s all mine.”

You don’t remember telling her you were ever with someone else, but you were too dazed to care. Her nails dug into your thighs as she lowered herself to the toy between your legs. Your head fell back, a moan escaping your lips when she took the tip of the strap past her lips. Her head bobbed up and down the length of the dildo, her cheeks hollowing out with every movement. It wasn’t long before the redhead was crawling back up your body. 

“Natasha,” You tried pleading, hand wandering her body as she positioned herself. “You- She-”

“Shut up,” She said, her hand circling back around your throat. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

She lined up the toy with her entrance, sliding the tip along her clearly dripping folds. Your hands moved to slide over the top of her thighs, fingers reaching up to her hips then sliding back down. 

“See what you do to me?” She asked, whining as the strap slid over a sensitive spot. Your lips turned up into a smirk as you gripped her hips and made her sink down onto your strap in one swift movement. “Fuck Y/N!”

You knew you had her.

“Does that feel good?” You asked, bucking up into her again. The moan she released something almost angelic. You wanted to hear it again.

She whined, rolling her hips onto yours as her hand made its way back around your throat. You felt her grip tighten as she licked a long stripe up your neck to your ear. “Do that again.”

Your hands slid around to her ass, squeezing her soft skin and moving her hips up and down your length. She moaned against your neck, her hand scratching down from your neck to the top of your shirt. You hissed when her teeth grazed the skin on your neck, knowing you’d be left with a mark there in the morning. 

“Natasha,” You groaned as she pulled away from you, moving your hips in rhythm with hers. She whined, moving her other hand to grip the top of your shirt before she ripped it open. 

“You look so hot like this,” She placed both her hands on your chest, resting her weight on top of you as she continued bouncing on the toy. “So willing to be used.”

You squeezed her hips as she leaned back, running her hands up your chest to your face. She tugged some loose strands of your har sticking to your skin back, then leaned back down to connect your lips one more time. Your hands wandered down to her ass again, making her whine against your mouth.

She ran her nails down your arms to your wrists, taking you by surprise and roughly pinning them above your head. “You’re mine to use.”

You watched her with a smug grin, loving the way her breasts bounced in her tight shirt. She moaned, a long drawn out sound as she worked herself closer to the edge. “Mine to fuck,” Her voice became airy, her head falling back as she rolled her hips onto yours. “Mine to do whatever I want with.”

She leaned back, moaning as her movements became sloppier. Her hand gripped your jaw, her grip tight as she rutted against you.

“You close?” You asked, gripping onto her hip with one hand and her arm with the other. “Why don’t you cum for me then? Make a mess for me Nat.”

“Fuck,” Natasha moaned over you, her walls tightening around the toy as she rode out her high, moaning and whimpering with your movements. You flipped the two of you over, pushing the toy into her deeper, enjoying the way her face contorted with pleasure. 

“Is that all I am to you?” You asked, face inches away from hers. You pressed your hips further into her, making her whine. “Only something to make you feel good?”

You easily slid the toy in and out of her, the toy hitting all the right spots. She picked up her head to look at you in the eyes, a mischievous glint in her eye. “Yes.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning back with a sigh before pulling out. Natasha whined, leaning up on her elbows with a confused expression on her face. “What?”

“Nothing,” You picked up a shirt from the floor and moved towards the bathroom. “I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, Nat.”

“Since when did that ever make a fucking difference?” She asked, moving off the bed and in front of you. She slid her shirt over her head and let her skirt drop to the floor. Your gaze lowered to her naked body, her smirk growing as you caught your lip between your teeth. “You don’t wanna fuck me anymore?”

She pressed you back against the doorframe, dipping her head into your neck and leaving a trail of small hickeys down your neck. Her hands slid down your arms and placed your hands on her hips, leaning closer to you. You could feel her slow breaths on your face, and you didn’t realize you moved forward until she was pressed against the opposite side of the door frame. 

Natasha’s smirk grew, her white teeth now peeking out from between her lips. “You don’t wanna press me up against the wall and fuck me until I can’t even think anymore?”

“I never said that,” You growled before connecting your lips again, the redhead’s hands entangling in your hair and pulling you flush against her. Your hands reached down and pulled her up, her legs wrapping around your waist. Natasha moaned, her lips trailing down your neck as you slid the toy back into her.

She moaned against your skin with ever buck of your hips, her whole body jolting with your movements. By this point in the night you didn’t even have to look in the mirror to know Natasha had littered your skin with deep bruises. She didn’t want Gen to have a single doubt in her mind, you were Natasha’s, not anybody else’s.

Natasha whined into you, hands pulling your head back to look at her. “Tell me what I wanna hear,” You watched her bounce another few times, waiting for her to become more desperate. You tilted your head, smirking when she tightened her grip on your hair and whined. “Please.”

“I’m all yours,” You said, watching her face scrunch up as her orgasm started washing over her. Natasha’s hands gripped onto your shoulders as she came for a second time, her head leaning back onto the doorframe. Your lips kissed down her neck, quickly finding her sweet spot at the corner of her jaw.

Her legs unwrapped from around your waist, your grip on her hips faltering as you slowly eased her down. Natasha pushed you away before you could leave anything permanent. She slid her hands down your chest, admiring the small bruises she left in her wake, tracing the scratches she etched onto your skin.

Natasha loved when you were like this, when your skin was covered with her. There was no way anyone would look at you snd not think you had someone you belonged to. She was pleased with her work, she doesn’t have to worry about Gen. 

—

Natasha wasn’t planning on following you into the library the next day, she really wasn’t. But you sent her a snapchat of you after you showered and she noticed some of her marks had faded faster that she would’ve hoped. She was only doing this to make sure Gen didn’t cross a line.

She watched you greet her, the same friendliness you had offered yesterday. Everything was fine until Gen stupidly decided to ask about the marks on your neck. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” You said, looking over your shoulder. Natasha wondered if you knew she was there. You didn’t, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of her eyes on you. Gen, however, seemed like she had a death wish by how insistent she was on knowing where all the hickeys came from.

“I just don’t get how you have so many, Jesus, Y/N,” Her fingers traced the ones on the side of your neck and you subtly scooted away from her.

“They’re hickeys, Gen, don’t be a fucking moron,” Natasha muttered under her breath, roughly turning the page of the textbook she was pretending to read. The redhead noticed the way you didn’t welcome Gen’s touch, the way you almost flinched away from it. Gen was about to learn an unpleasant lesson.

Whoever Natasha wants, Natasha gets. There’s no standing in her way.

—

You ended up leaving the library much later than you’d planned. Gen had to leave early, telling you she was being called into an emergency sorority meeting. You knew the drill. You knew it was her gaze you were feeling through the day. 

Poor Gen. She was nice, and she loved Tri Delta, it’s a shame Natasha would have to kick her out.

You were packing up your things when your phone buzzed with a text from Natasha. You were wondering when she was gonna text.

Come over?

You answered you’d be there soon. Natasha might be a little extreme, but just enough to keep you hooked. A sick and twisted part of you loved how she went out of her way to make sure she had you.

Because that’s the way it would always be. She had you, and would have you for as long as she wanted, but you’d never have her. Strangely, that was enough for you.

You made your way across campus to Natasha’s sorority, the usually busy campus eerily quiet at this time of the night. When you walked up to the large house, a cold chill ran down your spine, the usually buzzing mansion suspiciously quiet even for this late at night.

The strong smell of bleach was the first thing that welcomed you as you stepped through the door. You watched as two of Natasha’s sorority sisters walked down the stairs and into the kitchen with bloodied rags and a bucket. 

“What the fuck?” You somehow walked further into the house, ignoring every instinct telling you to get the fuck out of there. You spotted a pledge walking past you, her face pale as she carried a bucket of what seemed like bloodied water. 

You continued your way to the staircase, noticing the small droplets of red on the steps. Your stomach turned, wondering what in the hell could’ve happened and why there weren’t any authorities at the house.

“Maria,” You spotted the brunette wiping down the wall, small streaks of red following the rag in her hand. “What the hell happened?”

“You know how she is,” She shrugged and turned back to the wall. “Just Nat being Nat.”

Your head turned to the other end of the hallway where Natasha’s bedroom was. Your chest tightened at the heavy trail of blood leading into the room.

“It’s a shame,” You snapped back to Maria who continued to wipe the wall. “I liked Gen.” 

You swallowed hard as you took careful steps towards her bedroom, trying not to step on any of the blood. Your hands shook the closer you got to the door, having to wipe them on your pants before you entered the bedroom.

“Nat?” The redhead was straddling a body on her bed, her clothes completely drenched in blood with smudged handprints covering her chest and neck. She turned her head to look at you, roughly pulling the knife out of the unfortunate girl under her. Your eyes widened in horror when you noticed it was Gen. 

“Y/N,” Her voice was sweet, and somehow inviting. “You made it.”

“What did you do?” You walked towards Gen, but Natasha stopped you, the bloody knife pressing up against your stomach as she looked up at you. “Nat-”

“She needed to learn her lesson,” Her cold stare bore into you, invited you in, drowned you in her affection. The blade of the knife slid over your clothes before you felt the tip pressing against you. “Nobody comes between me and what I want.”

“Natasha she never did, she-”

“Shh,” The tip of the knife pressed further into you, Natasha’s free hand gripping your jaw and making you look at down at her. “She needed, to learn, her lesson.”

Your chest heaved up and down, your stomach twisting when you noticed her blood was smeared on your face now. You wanted to throw up. Natasha’s lips tugged upwards, bringing your face down closer to hers.

“It’s okay, baby,” She said, her breath brushing over your face. “There’s nothing between us now, it’s just us.” Her lips touched yours and for a moment you forgot what she had just done. “It’s just you and me now.”

It’s just you and her.

Your eyes were locked onto hers. How could someone so perfect do something like this. Gen groaned from her bed, your eyes trailing towards her. Natasha’s grip on your jaw tightened, the knuckles grabbing onto the knife turning white with rage.

“Don’t look at her,” Her voice was almost unrecognizable. “You’re mine.”

She pushed you back before moving towards Gen again. In one swift move, before you could stop her, Natasha sank the knife into the other girl’s chest. Blood spattered on your cheek, Gen’s body went limp.

Natasha turned back to you, her hands shaking and tears in her eyes as if she had just caught up to her actions. 

“All I wanted was you,” Her voice cracked. “I wanted you to myself.”

You didn’t know what you were doing, but you stepped forward and took her into your arms, her small frame shaking with her sobs. “You have me.”

“I did this for you,” She said as you both fell to your knees, Natasha almost limp in your embrace, a small smirk tugging on her lips as she nuzzled into you. “Look what you made me do.”

[astrojulia]

Opposition in the Natal Chart: Part 1

~ Inner Planets

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      Sources [10][12][16] ✦Paid Readings

Sun ☍ Moon: This aspect represents a natural conflict between the archetypal masculine and feminine principles. This conflict requires reconciliation and harmony between the two sexes. Initially, there is often conflict and combat between these forces, ranging from dominance to equal battle. When one planet dominates, the other function may be projected onto others. Unresolved conflict leads to confusion and a struggle between conditioning and independence. Sun-Moon opposition individuals struggle to remain objective and tend to assume others share their values. However, resolving this aspect can lead to a strong character, integration, balance, fulfillment, and positive energy release.

Sun ☍ Mars: Sun opposed Mars generates conflict as your desires and actions oppose your self-image, leading to inner and external turmoil. The discrepancy between what you want and how you pursue it creates hesitation and contradiction. Frustration and anger arise from the inability to align your identity with your desires. Insecurity may drive aggressive behavior, resulting in conflicts with others. This opposition indicates an imbalance within your psyche, often with one function dominating and manifesting negatively. To find resolution, it's recommended to develop positive qualities in both areas, nurturing self-esteem, addressing willpower, and directing desires towards healthy goals. Achieving a balanced blend of control and assertiveness allows for strong and authentic actions in the world.

Sun ☍ Jupiter: Sun opposed Jupiter generates conflict as your aspirations for growth, understanding, and grace clash with your self-image. Internal conflicts arise when your desire for abundance and inclusion contradicts your self-imposed limitations, leading to resistance and guilt. You may struggle to comprehend unfamiliar worldviews and resist broad-mindedness, feeling alienated and detached from society. This opposition can manifest as conflicts with institutional authorities and a sense of exclusion from the social order. Limited engagement may result in feelings of unluckiness or existential poverty. Suppressed urges for personal growth may lead to irrational behavior and judgmentalism, while embracing expansion allows for overcoming obstacles and achieving progress. Balancing individualism and societal accommodation becomes part of the growth process.

Sun ☍ Saturn: Sun opposed Saturn signifies conflicting energies in your organization, structure, and discipline that oppose your self-image. This opposition leads to internal and external conflicts as the Sun represents active, positive energy while Saturn symbolizes disciplined, authoritarian power. Balancing these masculine archetypes is crucial for wholeness. Initially, you may feel restricted by authority figures or societal rules, leading to rebellion and resentment. Personal growth involves healing old wounds and realizing that your aversion to discipline hinders progress. Embracing structure and effort harmonizes self-expression and organization, fostering positive integration. Recognizing the positive aspects of opposing forces supports your development.

Sun ☍ Uranus: Sun opposed Uranus creates conflict between your self-image and the modalities of change and individuation. This opposition manifests internally and externally, highlighting the polarization between the personal and the abstract aspects of identity. Uranus represents transformation and growth through the integration of the personal and higher self, while the Sun symbolizes the personal self. Revelations that shatter self-defined barriers can trigger an existential crisis or propel you towards self-redefinition. Subconsciously, your personal self seeks protection from intrusive revelations, often viewing change as threatening. Resistance, avoidance, or projection may be used to manage confrontation with change. To foster personal growth, balancing the personal and abstract is essential, embracing change and integrating a higher self-concept.

Sun ☍ Neptune: Sun opposed Neptune creates conflict between your self-image and the modalities of transcendence and self-sacrifice. This opposition leads to internal and external tension, as you feel both drawn to and repelled by the transcendent and non-material aspects of life. You may be attracted to activities or beliefs that go beyond the self, but this conflicts with your self-identity. The rejection of Neptune's influence can result in a low tolerance for ambiguity and a dismissal of intuition, faith, and spirituality. By suppressing the subconscious and rejecting the uncertain, you inadvertently become fixated on them negatively. Finding balance involves recognizing the true meaning of self-surrender and developing a conscious self-identity while acknowledging the importance of the personal self.

Sun ☍ Pluto: Sun opposed Pluto represents a polarizing conflict that brings crises and duality. It urges you to transform your self-identity by purging negative and destructive aspects of yourself. There is a temptation to see negativity as external and engage in conflict, perceiving yourself as "good" and the opposing force as "evil." However, true transformation requires recognizing the shadow within your own unconscious and purging its negative tendencies. This opposition leads to a struggle in uncovering your true self and raising consciousness to a higher level. Internal and external conflicts may arise, revolving around power, sexuality, truth, or spirituality, which can be resolved by confronting the shadow side positively.

Sun ☍ Part of Fortune: The opposition between the Sun and the Part of Fortune is traditionally seen as unfortunate, as it contradicts your expectations of good fortune based on your self-image. This creates conflicts within and around you, as you feel both drawn to and repelled by the areas of life associated with your Part of Fortune's house. You may struggle to balance being true to yourself and pursuing beneficial opportunities, feeling torn between happiness and authenticity. Externalized conflict can lead to perceived bad luck, while a consistent belief in being unlucky may bring pessimism or depression. Expanding your perspective and acknowledging existing good fortune can bring balance and genuine well-being.

Sun ☍ Ascendant: The aspect between the Sun and the Descendant emphasizes the Sun's qualities in the Seventh House, indicating a strong connection between your self-identity and relationships. This placement signifies duality and opposition, as your focus shifts towards others. Projecting your personality may not be strong, except in one-on-one relationships. The opposition to the Ascendant highlights the challenge of balancing your self-identity and projecting it through your persona. There is a tendency to derive self-worth from others, hindering a clear understanding of your own identity. Developing a strong sense of self is crucial for genuine and meaningful relationships. Relationships, especially primary ones, hold great significance, and finding balance and harmony between your needs and others' demands is important.

Sun ☍ Imum Coeli: With the Sun opposed to the Imum Coeli (IC), you may display an excessive ego, seeking to dominate your household and be the center of attention. This can lead to conflicts with siblings and parents, particularly your father. Your belief in holding power within the family can create struggles and tensions. While you may take on parental roles, it may hinder finding a loving partner and establishing a marriage. Relying too heavily on your family inhibits personal growth and hinders the development of your own identity. Communication is vital, as there may be a sense of disconnection and contradiction within the family. Recognizing the lessons in family dynamics is important for your growth.

Sun ☍ Descendant: With the Sun opposed to the Descendant, you have a strong desire to be seen as attractive and a peacemaker. However, your inclination to take the opposite side can lead to unnecessary arguments and conflicts. This stems from your desire for fairness and presenting opposing viewpoints. You tend to attract similar individuals, often of the same sex, creating a sense of competition. There may be moments of finding others' approaches dull, leading to defensive reactions. There is a physical attraction in love relationships, but nitpicking and mismatched activity cycles can cause irritation and ego clashes. Developing better communication and understanding is key to maintaining harmonious partnerships.

Sun ☍ Midheaven: When the Sun is opposed to the Midheaven, your sense of identity is closely tied to matters of privacy and domesticity rather than career and public achievements. Assuming public roles may cause discomfort, as you prioritize the needs of your inner self for psychic wholeness. However, finding a balance requires attention to societal contributions and taking on more responsibilities. If planets are strongly positioned in the tenth house, conflicts between your public and private life are likely. Balancing domestic and career responsibilities and reconciling family life with career aspirations become important challenges. Navigating these differences harmoniously and integrating both aspects is key to personal growth.

Sun ☍ Chiron: When the Sun is opposed to Chiron, you have a deep understanding of your place in life and possess strong convictions aligned with your conscience. Despite facing psychological challenges like mental illnesses, you exhibit wisdom and fairness. Others may fail to recognize your struggles, leading to a sense of invisibility and directionlessness. A childhood wound, possibly related to your father, can hinder your self-confidence but grants you profound understanding and empathy. You can become a healer or advisor, driven by a sense of fighting for victory and a desire to contribute to the betterment of humanity. Your unwavering principles guide your journey.

Sun ☍ Vesta: When the Sun is opposed to Vesta, finding a balance between personal well-being and daily responsibilities becomes crucial. Prioritizing self-care through rituals like yoga, meditation, and exercise is essential. Lack of focus can be resolved by developing stronger concentration skills, as it aligns with your identity and purpose. Conflicts may arise between work focus and life purpose, making it challenging to find a fulfilling career. Issues with sexuality, intimacy, commitment, and confusion about life direction can lead to anxiety and stress. Resolving these challenges involves developing purposeful focus, integrating personal energies, and reconciling devotion to ideals with the desire for recognition.

Sun ☍ Pallas: When the Sun is opposed to Pallas, transforming sexual-creative energy into artistic and intellectual achievements becomes central to your life's purpose. However, there may be a fear of embracing your power, resulting in mental and creative blocks. Difficulties in your relationship with your father and confusion surrounding your sexual identity can arise. Resolving these conflicts involves harmoniously integrating your creative ideas with your life purpose. Your desire to contribute to society through ingenuity and wisdom drives you, and you possess strength of character, intelligence, and courage. Known for your original ideas and brilliant mind, you excel in your chosen field of expression through clear communication and strategic planning.

Sun ☍ Juno: When the Sun is opposed to Juno, you often experience inner conflicts regarding success and intimate relationships. Finding a partner who enhances your sense of self is ideal, but it can also manifest as a relationship that holds you back from the conquest and success you desire. Focusing on what you haven't achieved in your love life may lead to periods of depression and feelings of sadness or confusion. You may question why certain milestones haven't been reached, possibly due to being out of touch with your true desires or having fears surrounding serious commitment.

Sun ☍ Ceres: When the Sun is opposed to Ceres, the goals of beauty, peace, and love hold great value. However, feelings of disappointment and loss may hinder your ability to fully express love and compassion. Connecting with nature can provide solace and help restore your sense of compassion. Women may play a significant role in teaching you valuable lessons, even if some experiences are initially unwelcome. This aspect suggests a tendency to nurture others while neglecting self-care or expecting constant nurturing from others. Challenges may include a low self-image, unmet nutritional needs, and themes of depression and rejection. Resolving these challenges involves developing self-worth and seeking support in a loving and non-judgmental way, potentially through counseling or therapy.

Sun ☍ Vertex: When the Sun is opposed to Vertex, you believe that by prioritizing your own needs, you can achieve the success or happiness you deserve. This mindset gives you a sense of importance and confidence in yourself.

Sun ☍ Lilith: When the Sun is opposed to Lilith, there is often a rejection of asserting one's will and a denial of one's own consciousness, leading to difficulties in becoming a complete individual. This manifests as a lack of self-confidence, uncertainty about personal desires, and struggles in pursuing them. To compensate for this, one may adopt authoritarian or rigid moral beliefs or seek guidance from higher authorities. However, it is essential to develop self-determination and the courage to make independent decisions. While guidance is needed, it should come from one's own inner will.

Moon ☍ Mercury: When the Moon is opposed to Mercury, there is a significant duality between emotions and intellect, conscious and unconscious mind, and conditioned and rational thinking. This opposition creates a constant conflict within you, as your emotions and intellectual faculties are positioned at opposite ends of a bipolar spectrum. The Moon represents subjective and emotional perception and communication, while Mercury represents objective and rational thinking. This internal battle can lead to confusion and projection of one function onto the other, causing a discrepancy between emotions and rationality. To resolve this conflict, it is important to balance and integrate the needs of both functions, finding ways to meet them through each other. Failure to achieve this balance may result in dysfunction and an imbalance in decision-making. Additionally, this conflict may extend to how your intellect reacts to the conditioning received from your family or culture.

Moon ☍ Venus: When the Moon is opposed to Venus, there is a conflict between your emotional makeup represented by these planets. Your attractions and close relationships differ from what you have been conditioned to accept and what brings you emotional comfort. This creates confusion about your values and guilt regarding enjoyment. Your desires for relationships contradict the need for emotional security and personal comfort. This conflict can lead to difficulties in committing to relationships or fully experiencing them. Control and emotional security issues may arise, causing conflicts between family or mother and your spouse. Balancing these opposing forces requires integrating their positive aspects, considering others' perspectives, and aligning behavior with values. Recognizing the influence of upbringing and appreciating the role of emotions in relationships is essential.

Moon ☍ Mars: The opposition between the Moon and Mars reflects a conflict in your emotional makeup. Your conditioned comfort clashes with your desires and actions, creating tension between your conscious and subconscious. Guilt and doubt may arise as you struggle with the legitimacy of your desires and feel torn between societal expectations and your true nature. This can lead to intense emotional experiences and irrational behavior. Within relationships, there is emotional intensity and potential conflict, but a tendency to seek binding resolutions rather than complete separation. Overcoming artificial gender roles and integrating the active and emotional aspects of your personality is the challenge presented by this aspect.

Moon ☍ Jupiter: The opposition between the Moon and Jupiter reflects a natural contrast between personal concerns and interests that extend beyond the self. The Moon represents boundaries and emotions, while Jupiter symbolizes exploration and expansiveness. Despite their differences, there are commonalities such as intuition and teaching. Tensions may arise from feeling torn between domestic tranquility and a more exciting life, or conflicting beliefs imposed by family and personal exploration. Balancing these functions is key to avoiding polarization. If dominated by the Moon, personal growth may be hindered, while an overemphasis on Jupiter may neglect personal aspects of life. Gaining perspective from both functions is essential for harmony.

Moon ☍ Saturn: The opposition between the Moon and Saturn in your chart represents a conflict between the feminine archetype of nurturing and the paternal archetype of responsibility. You may feel torn between emotional responsiveness and imposing discipline. This inner conflict can be traced back to parental influences and may manifest externally as limitations and emotional obstacles. Negative coping mechanisms include confrontation, suppression, and projection. To resolve this tension positively, strive for balance by exercising emotional discipline and flexibility while recognizing the importance of rules and structure. Achieving harmony between emotional responsiveness and disciplined behavior will lead to meaningful accomplishments with care for others.

Moon ☍ Uranus: The opposition between the Moon and Uranus signifies a conflict between individuality and conformity. You may struggle with the tension between expressing your unique identity and conforming to societal expectations. Individuation offers freedom but can lead to loneliness, while conformity provides comfort but restricts freedom. This conflict affects your self-identity, independence, and relationships with family and society. Resolving this tension requires balancing personal uniqueness with cultural traditions, finding emotional independence, and embracing both personal growth and community connection. Negative coping mechanisms include confrontation, suppression, or projection. By integrating the ordinary and the unique, you can navigate this opposition and achieve personal growth.

Moon ☍ Neptune: The Moon-Neptune opposition represents a conflict between conditioned consciousness and the desire to transcend the personal. It challenges you to reconcile personal emotions with a yearning for spiritual growth. This duality creates emotional and spiritual stress, leading to conflicts between attachments and the need for detachment. Manifesting Neptune's energies positively is challenging, often resulting in emotional confusion and resistance to transcendence. The opposition may also indicate complex relationships with family, especially the mother. Balancing these functions requires perceiving the personal and universal as complementary, functioning competently on a personal level while reaching for higher expression. Cultivating sensitivity and idealism contributes to personal fulfillment.

Moon ☍ Pluto: The Moon-Pluto opposition signifies deep conflicts within the subconscious, causing emotional and psychological tensions. Your conditioned self seeks stability, while powerful subconscious forces push for transformation and higher awareness. This can manifest as power struggles, control issues, and conflicts in family and intimate relationships. Confrontations with authority figures may lead to emotional oppression and dependence. Dysfunctional behavior and emotional complexes can arise, calling for transformation through working with the subconscious. Balancing emotions and the subconscious is essential, cultivating awareness, control, and empowerment. It's important to acknowledge boundaries while nurturing power and sexuality, and integrating emotions surrounding mortality.

Moon ☍ Part of Fortune: The Moon-Part of Fortune opposition brings emotional and subconscious conflicts regarding factors that could bring you good fortune. External conflicts may arise within your family, where they may oppose or misunderstand your pursuit of fortune. Past attachments and cultural traditions can also hold you back from pursuing your dreams. The Moon's placement indicates your comfort zone, while the Part of Fortune symbolizes areas of discomfort. You may feel uneasy about receiving good fortune and subconsciously sabotage opportunities. Finding balance between your domestic responsibilities and pursuit of fortune is crucial. Ultimately, you may discover that your true fortune lies within your family and home.

Moon ☍ Ascendant: The Moon opposed Rising aspect reflects your strong desire to support and be of use to your loved ones. You crave deep emotional connections and find it challenging to be alone. Marriage or partnership is something you long for, although it may feel elusive at times. Focusing on fulfilling your own emotional needs can attract the close bond you seek. You engage personally with people in your life and desire to be fully engaged with them. You unconsciously seek others' dependency to maintain emotional security. While you have a wide circle of friends, forming committed individual relationships is difficult due to uncertainty. Interacting with many people who appreciate your favors is preferred to avoid this uncertainty.

Moon ☍ Imum Coeli: The Moon opposed Imum Coeli aspect highlights your need for protection and security in your home environment. Feeling safe and having a comfortable haven is essential for your well-being. Your family depends on you as a reliable presence in their lives. Childhood experiences and past fears continue to influence you, leading to a tendency to hide emotions and feel vulnerable or victimized by family members. It's important to address and overcome these fears to avoid their impact on your own family dynamics later in life. Privacy is crucial in family relationships, as it allows you space to express emotions and find solace. Returning home serves as an outlet to cleanse your thoughts and organize emotions.

Moon ☍ Descendant: The Moon opposed descendant aspect reveals that you invest a great deal of sympathy and emotional energy into your partnerships, but it's important to exercise caution. Your emotions can lead to conflicts within yourself and in your relationships, particularly with women. Throughout your life, you may face difficulties and challenges in your relationships, such as jealousy, envy, and misunderstandings. Instability in your love life makes you vulnerable and prone to arguments and conflicts with your partner. Finding a supportive and understanding partner can be challenging due to your emotional volatility and tendency to sacrifice your own needs. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and choose a partner who values your partnership and marriage over material gain.

Moon ☍ Midheaven: The Moon opposed Midheaven aspect creates a tension between your personal emotions and your public or professional life. You may struggle to balance your emotional needs with the demands of your public image. You may find it challenging to integrate your emotions with your public persona, resulting in visible tension between your personal and professional lives. This can manifest as a conflict between your family/personal life and career aspirations or challenges in expressing emotions in a professional setting. To navigate this aspect, you should seek ways to integrate your emotions into your public life, establish boundaries, and develop self-awareness. Ultimately, it offers you an opportunity for authentic and fulfilling expression in your personal and professional domains.

Moon ☍ Chiron: You may experience bouts of pessimism and discontent without reason, relying heavily on relatives for communication. Depression, financial issues, and a lack of spiritual harmony may arise, making it challenging to find a comfortable place to live. There may be a reluctance to maintain relationships with relatives or have children. The pain originating from your relationship with your mother attracts partners and situations that reflect this turmoil. The lesson is to confront the pain, balance your needs with others', and become a compassionate healer. Find ways to balance emotional reactions, as excessive emotions can cause problems. Developing adaptability and approaching emotions cautiously is crucial.

Moon ☍ Vesta: Struggling to balance practical and emotional needs? Seek equilibrium by incorporating emotionally nourishing activities like rituals, yoga, and meditation. The principle of focus and emotional responsibility suggests self-involvement and integration. Avoid using work to avoid emotions or getting overwhelmed by emotions. These aspects may cause a disconnection from emotional needs, fear of intimacy, and challenges in forming strong family bonds. Resolving these challenges involves freeing yourself from societal norms and exploring therapy for authentic self-expression. Addressing blocked energies can lead to emotional and sexual liberation.

Moon ☍ Pallas: The combination of intellect and emotion can lead to a clear understanding of feelings. However, there may be conflicts between problem-solving abilities and emotional needs, causing a struggle to balance personal and societal expectations. These conflicts can stem from a sense of detachment from the mother and feminine identity, resulting in dependency and powerlessness. Resolving these conflicts involves recognizing the intelligence of the feminine, integrating logic with intuition and warmth with emotion. Trying to please the mother while meeting father's expectations may compromise emotional integrity. Independence may hinder emotional satisfaction, despite a deep desire for support.

Moon ☍ Juno: The need for domestic warmth and affection is important, but self-nurturing is equally crucial. Be mindful of overindulgence to avoid emotional and physical problems. Assess if your loved ones reciprocate your nurturing efforts and understand your need for support. Balance between emotional needs and partnerships may be challenging. Attracting an emotional partner or exhibiting similar traits can arise. Balancing societal expectations and emotional fulfillment is vital for happiness. Choices may arise between seeking approval and prioritizing emotional well-being. Find harmony in nurturing yourself and others for overall well-being.

Moon ☍ Ceres: Navigating relationships with women can be challenging, leading to a sense of misunderstanding. To improve understanding, integrate and accept your own emotions while embracing feminine aspects. Despite a charming exterior, you possess a protective and determined nature. Balancing personal and family needs may pose conflicts, including separation anxieties and fears of rejection. Seeking mutually supportive emotional connections helps heal the denial of your own emotional fulfillment. Be cautious not to unintentionally complicate others' lives with overwhelming love and control. Finding a balance in expressing love and support is crucial.

Moon ☍ Vertex: It is important to maintain a balance between your own emotional needs and the needs of others. Having a strong understanding of your own identity as an individual will aid in achieving this balance. Others may rely on your emotional assistance and support. Engaging in public life or pursuing a role in local governance could provide you with significant satisfaction.

Moon ☍ Lilith: For men, the Moon opposed Lilith aspect makes it difficult to integrate emotions and values, leading to misunderstandings and difficulties in relationships with women. Women with this aspect struggle with their own femininity, questioning traditional roles and resisting societal expectations. Both genders face challenges in understanding and embracing the world of women, which can create tensions and obstacles in their lives.

Mercury ☍ Mars: The opposition between Mercury and Mars represents conflicting functions within your psyche. It connects mental activity and communication with desire and action. This can lead to conflict, confusion, and unexpected outcomes as your thoughts unconsciously translate into desires and actions. Initially, you may perceive mental activity as separate from your emotions and physical activity, creating a dichotomy. Indecision and tension arise as your thoughts differ from your actions. The conflict may be externalized, and there can be challenges with male figures. Coping mechanisms like confrontation or suppression may develop, but true resolution requires recognizing the unity and achieving balance between these functions.

Mercury ☍ Jupiter: When Mercury is opposed by Jupiter, the opposition between these two planets intensifies within your personality. This creates tensions between focusing on details and conceptualization, individuality and societal obligations. You may polarize your world along various continua, leading to conflicts and a sense of having to choose between different approaches. This can result in excessive nervousness, over-talkativeness, or a struggle to balance micro and macro aspects of life. Guilt, insecurity, and defense mechanisms may also arise. To find balance, it's important to explore and integrate the qualities of both polarities, fostering harmony and reducing tensions.

Mercury ☍ Saturn : When Mercury is opposed to Saturn, the conflicting qualities represented by these planets are accentuated. This leads to a conflict between intellect and authority. Internally, you may struggle between your genuine thoughts and societal expectations. This conflict can generate tension and hinder intellectual progress. Externally, disagreements and confrontations with authority figures, particularly your father, may occur. The fear of being controlled can lead to rebellion, but it keeps you within the framework of authority. To find balance, you must integrate your nimble and authoritarian sides, embracing both flexibility and structure. This allows for enhanced intellectual and communication abilities, as well as a more open-minded approach to rules and conventions.

Mercury ☍ Uranus: When Mercury opposes Uranus, it represents the polarization between the personal and higher mind. If attuned to the Higher Mind, there can be harmony and mutual support between the two. The personal mind serves as a vehicle for introducing spiritually-oriented ideas into practical activities. However, if this harmony is not achieved, conflicts arise. You may feel torn between abstract and practical aspects, leading to mental frustrations and restlessness. Guilt and inner tensions may emerge when exploring unconventional ideas or when focusing on mundane responsibilities. Defense mechanisms may develop, but addressing these tensions involves integrating vision and change with rationality and commonality.

Mercury ☍ Neptune: When Mercury opposes Neptune, the inherent opposition between the concrete and vague aspects of the psyche is amplified. Choosing between specificity and spirituality becomes a constant challenge. Prioritizing the practical may lead to a loss of connection to the universal, while focusing on the spiritual may neglect attention to detail. Dealing with chaos and irrationality can be overwhelming, causing a sense of missing something important. To find wholeness, one must develop Neptune's qualities of fluidity and intuition while grounding sensitivity and spirituality in practicality. Letting go of the need for complete understanding and embracing the unknown is necessary for balance.

Mercury ☍ Pluto: The opposition between Mercury and Pluto reveals a conflict between the conscious and subconscious aspects of your psyche. You may try to distance yourself from transformative crises and the need for change, but they inevitably intrude upon your mental peace. There is a fascination with the Plutonian dimension, involving secrets, death, and the subconscious, yet it causes inner conflict. Achieving wholeness requires integrating these opposing forces and transforming your mental function. Letting go of negative attachments and embracing non-rational perception allows you to explore the depths of your psyche, bringing the subconscious under the control of your conscious mind.

Mercury ☍ Part of Fortune: The opposition between Mercury and the Part of Fortune reveals a mental conflict regarding luck and good fortune. You may struggle to find logic in the path to success or question its wisdom. Skepticism and a critical outlook towards luck may lead you to view it as inauthentic or transitory. Excessive thoughts and worries about good fortune can hinder its manifestation, and you may feel guilty when luck favors you. The conflict arises from a desire to pursue fortune while feeling hindered by intellectual limitations and communication barriers. Expressing positivity about luck can be challenging for you.

Mercury ☍ Ascendant: The opposition between Mercury and the Rising (Ascendant) indicates a constant need for spiritual nourishment and a search for inspiration. Despite harboring uncertainty, you actively engage in communication to showcase your mental abilities. However, your fondness for controversy and contradiction can lead to problems in your interactions with others, driven by a fear of being unrecognized. You tend to avoid emotional individuals and prefer aligning with the majority rather than expressing your own opinions. Striving to please everyone often results in not being taken seriously, despite your oratorical talent. While your mind thrives with a supportive partner, adopting others' ideas may overshadow your originality and make your thoughts less valued.

Mercury ☍ Imum Coeli: The opposition between Mercury and the Imum Coeli (IC) reveals that you find the greatest happiness in acquiring new skills that propel you forward in life. Boredom in your primary occupation is something you struggle with, often leading you to consider job changes, trips, or seeking distractions. You have a strong need for stimulation. As an intellectual, you thrive in fields such as writing, teaching, public speaking, research, and politics. Alternatively, you may enjoy hands-on work, finding fulfillment in practical skills or dynamic roles like driving or operating machinery. Regardless, it is crucial for you to maintain an interest in your work, rely on your wit, and develop self-discipline to combat feelings of loss.

Mercury ☍ Descendant: The opposition between Mercury and the Descendant highlights the importance of words in your relationships, particularly during emotional challenges. Honest and open communication is crucial for connecting with your partners, who should engage in conversations about shared interests and ideas. You are drawn to brilliant minds that complement your own thoughts. In marriage, there is a risk of emotional coldness and distance, leading to relationship fatigue. Mental games and partnerships involving intelligent individuals attract you. However, be cautious of attracting friends who engage in gossip or small lies. Enemies may employ cunning strategies to undermine you, and it is advisable to avoid confrontations and offensive language. There is a possibility of engaging in extramarital affairs with younger individuals.

Mercury ☍ Midheaven: The opposition between Mercury and the Midheaven in an astrological chart brings dynamics and influences to an individual's career and public image. It creates tension between communication style, intellectual pursuits, and professional goals. Challenges arise in effectively conveying ideas and opinions, finding balance between authenticity and societal expectations. Overanalysis and clashes between personal beliefs and professional demands can lead to indecisiveness. However, growth opportunities exist to integrate these aspects. Clear and honest communication, diplomatic skills, and flexibility are important. With conscious effort, this opposition can bring strength, offering a unique perspective and intellectual depth to the individual's public image and career path.

Mercury ☍ Chiron: The opposition between Mercury and Chiron generates boredom and difficulty in effective communication. Thoughts are inconsistent and inhibited, avoiding reflection and problem-solving. Accumulating information is possible, but studying and drawing conclusions can be challenging. Adapting and doing things in advance can lead to bureaucratic processes, while multiplying money is a struggle. Legal matters may become prolonged despite hostility. Unconventional healing concepts, like the holistic approach and mind-body connection, may make you uncomfortable. However, keeping possibilities of different dimensions and experiences alive is important. Maintaining an open mind and striving for balance are advised.

Mercury ☍ Vesta: You may find it difficult or be unwilling to accept the concept of spiritual devotion, particularly if it involves restricting your sexual expression. You may feel drawn to the spiritual life, but at the same time, resist its pull and even argue against it. There may be a sense of conflict between logic and devotion, which can manifest within a meaningful relationship where you embody one aspect and oppose the other. Nevertheless, it is possible and desirable to seek a balance that allows for the integration of both aspects into your life.

Mercury ☍ Pallas: You may experience challenges or discomfort when it comes to expressions of independence and social reform. Women's liberation might be a topic that poses difficulties for you. Even though you may resist the seemingly extreme stance of complete independence, you can still strongly identify with it. Within yourself, you may feel a dichotomy in your emotions concerning creativity, independence, and social reform. This internal conflict can manifest in a relationship where someone fulfills the role that you reject.

Mercury ☍ Juno: When Mercury is opposed to Juno, there is a disconnect between your desires in a long-term romance and your vision of a long-term relationship. Finding a partner who meets your ideals can be challenging, and communication difficulties may arise, leading to a feeling of being misunderstood. Ironically, you may adopt an independent approach despite seeking a casual encounter. The best advice is to avoid making hasty decisions or judgments about others. Taking time and refraining from snap judgments is key in navigating this aspect.

Mercury ☍ Ceres: When Mercury is opposed to Ceres, you may face a dichotomy between the roles of parent and child, leading to a struggle in finding balance. There can be a strong desire for independence from your parents or difficulty letting go of your role as a parent. This may result in challenges and separation issues. Additionally, conflicts with neighbors, friends, and relatives may arise when discussing nutrition and care. It is important to reflect on your plans and goals while organizing the necessary details. Despite potential criticisms, maintaining self-esteem and developing effective communication skills can help navigate these challenges and achieve better interaction with others.

Mercury ☍ Vertex: You may encounter opposition to your ideas or feel compelled to abandon your cherished beliefs. Conflicts may arise when working with others in fields such as travel, writing, or teaching. Somehow, your unique perspective may lead others to perceive you as marching to a different beat. It becomes essential for you to prioritize taking action that serves your own needs and aspirations.

Mercury ☍ Lilith: This aspect is characterized by a critical, caustic, and acerbic nature, which often manifests through humor, intellectual clarity, and a penchant for mockery. You are often a silent individual who resists conforming to conventional thinking, yet harbors significant doubts about your own thoughts and beliefs.

Venus ☍ Mars: Venus opposed Mars represents the conflict between feminine and masculine energies, yet also holds potential for inner harmony. In a balanced state, these opposing forces allow for complete development. Individuals may strongly identify with their anima (feminine aspect) or animus (masculine aspect), leading to intense romantic bonds but also conflicts. Gender-based tensions can coexist with attraction, resulting in relationships characterized by mutual antagonism. Inner turmoil arises from the desire for both harmony and assertiveness. Striving for balance between passivity and activity, and integrating the masculine and feminine aspects, can resolve conflicts and foster a holistic personality. Exploring anima and animus complexes aids in achieving greater integration.

Venus ☍ Jupiter: Venus opposed Jupiter creates conflict between your evaluative and relationship functions and the expansive aspects of your psyche. The pursuit of joy and fulfillment may seem at odds with your values and relationships, leading to dissatisfaction and exaggerated expectations. You may devalue what brings you pleasure and feel inadequate in relationships, potentially leading to infidelity. However, this opposition can also inspire growth and goal-oriented behavior. Finding balance and appreciating what you have while controlling excess is key. Generosity and understanding in relationships bring greater satisfaction. The opposition also affects the anima, highlighting issues of femininity and expansiveness. Developing understanding leads to positive growth in the feminine aspect of your psyche.

Venus ☍ Saturn: Venus opposed Saturn highlights the conflict between opposing qualities in your psyche. These include situational sensitivity versus rigidity, individual judgment versus reliance on rules, and feeling versus cold reason. You may resist structure and discipline in relationships, leading to guilt and limitations. Overcompensation or harsh criticism can arise. Restoring balance involves embracing structure, organization, and discipline while critically examining your value system. Cooperating with others helps overcome perceived obstacles. The opposition also affects the anima, causing conflict between femininity and paternal archetypes. Achieving balance is crucial to avoid guilt and societal pressures.

Venus ☍ Uranus: Venus opposed Uranus reveals two opposing polarities within your psyche. One is the conflict between individuality and the need for relationships, while the other is between change and maintaining harmony. Individuation requires change, potentially disrupting existing relationships and value systems. Change is perceived as threatening, yet there is a fascination with the unconventional. There is a yearning for freedom but fear of disrupting stability. Balancing individuality and relationships is crucial, respecting personal growth within a commitment. Adapting values to a higher vision resolves conflicts, and femininity may confront the stress of change and independence. Liberation from conventional views may arise.

Venus ☍ Neptune: The opposition of Venus and Neptune reflects a polarization in your emotional state and a conflict between the immanent and transcendent aspects of your psyche. Venus represents attachment, affection, and enjoyment directed towards material objects and people, while Neptune represents ethereal and transcendent experiences. This dichotomy leads to confusion and fear when the transcendent disrupts your earthly experiences. You struggle with uncertainty, disorientation, and unwanted confusion in relationships and sensations. Balancing the material and spiritual realms is key, accepting uncertainty while cultivating spiritual capacity. Integrating feminine qualities and positive Neptune energy helps embrace the unknown and aspire to transcendence, leading to a more balanced and whole self.

Venus ☍ Pluto: The opposition of Venus and Pluto presents a dilemma between pursuing power and embracing unity and harmony in your relationships. Your psyche is divided between a desire for conflict and transformation and a longing for harmony. This conflict stems from your subconscious seeking to change your values and relationships by breaking attachment to the status quo. Your ego defends the existing balance, perceiving transformation as disruptive. Conflict may arise externally or internally, and issues of power, control, and sexuality may dominate your relationships. A psychological crisis may lead to introspection and shedding negative attachments, potentially improving relationships. The opposition also affects your anima, highlighting the need to resolve power, sexuality, and femininity-related issues for both genders.

Venus ☍ Part of Fortune: The opposition of Venus and the Part of Fortune suggests that you may perceive "bad luck" when evaluating your options, relationships, and possessions. It can lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and a belief that good relationships and fortune are incompatible. You may feel cursed, forced to choose between relationships or pursuing good fortune, sacrificing one for the other. Breaking out of this either-or mentality is crucial for reducing tension and finding balance. This opposition also affects your perception of the feminine, potentially leading to negative views or difficulties appreciating it. By reconceptualizing good fortune, you can discover ways in which feminine principles and true fortune can complement each other.

Venus ☍ Ascendant: The opposition of Venus and the Rising sign indicates that you are drawn to refined individuals and are generally well-regarded by others. You prioritize maintaining harmonious relationships and avoid passing judgment on others. However, you may sometimes project qualities onto people that they don't possess. While you may appear confident, you feel uneasy without someone providing support. Your polite and courteous nature earns respect, but you have an underlying fear of not marrying, leading to early marriages that end in divorce. You conceal inner insecurities and exhibit modesty in the presence of superiors. Social status and recognition hold importance to you.

Venus ☍ Imun Coeli: The opposition of Venus indicates that you possess a charming and reassuring personality, using your charisma to benefit yourself and others. Cooperation is more important to you than competition, making you an asset in teamwork-oriented professions. While your artistic potential depends on other factors in your birth chart, you appreciate work that allows you to express love for people. Relationships are significant, and association with a woman can be beneficial. Conflict-prone careers should be avoided as they become overwhelming. Seeking quieter work environments and engaging in stress-relieving activities can help alleviate workplace stress.

Venus ☍ Descendant: The opposition of Venus reveals that your desire for respect and validation can create challenges in your business partnerships and love life. Low self-esteem leads you to seek validation from others, sometimes attracting superficial relationships. This hinders the establishment of stable connections due to excessive pride, vanity, and a focus on passion and sensuality. You may encounter difficulties with female friends and relatives, leading to envy, jealousy, and gossip. It is important to avoid relying solely on others for self-esteem. Additionally, be cautious of attracting a high-maintenance spouse who prioritizes luxury and finances.

Venus ☍ Midheaven: The opposition of Venus to the Midheaven signifies a strong focus on relationships, love, and harmony. Individuals value social connections and aesthetics, seeking emotional fulfillment in their interactions. However, they face a conflict between their personal relationships and career goals. Struggling to balance emotional needs with professional ambitions, they may feel torn and dissatisfied. Expressing personal values within their careers can be challenging, leading to compromises and sacrifices. By aligning values with their chosen path and developing communication skills, individuals can integrate personal and professional lives harmoniously, creating a fulfilling and balanced existence.

Venus ☍ Chiron: The Venus opposition to Chiron creates a disconnection between consciousness and emotions, leading to difficulty recognizing and understanding one's own feelings. Outwardly, positive or negative emotions may not be visibly expressed. This aspect is associated with melancholy, pessimism, and a tendency towards a sad demeanor. Personal relationships often involve emotional pain due to prioritizing the care of loved ones over one's own needs, leading to resentment. Acting as a peacemaker is common, driven by sensitivity to disharmony. Self-acceptance, particularly regarding femininity and sexuality, is a struggle, fostering emotional vulnerability. Artistic expression becomes an outlet for showcasing overlooked beauty and challenging societal norms. Learning self-nurturing and trusting personal wisdom is crucial.

Venus ☍ Vesta: The Venus opposition to Vesta presents a challenge in integrating sexuality and sensuality with one's spiritual path. The perception of intimacy as an obstacle to spiritual growth may lead to a belief that choosing between love/pleasure and spiritual development is necessary. Balancing and honoring both needs becomes crucial. Fear of deep emotional connection can make it difficult to feel comfortable in romantic relationships. Avoiding commitment in love may result in a lack of happiness. Immersing oneself in work as a means of avoidance is a potential pitfall. Understanding the importance of work, health, and love is essential for a fulfilling life, avoiding isolation and emotional detachment.

Venus ☍ Pallas: The Venus opposition to Pallas suggests a tendency to prioritize personal comfort and harmony over political activism and artistic involvement. However, there is still an awareness of accepted standards and a potential for motivated action. This combination emphasizes the importance of appropriate behavior in civilized culture and a focus on conflict resolution in social situations. Experiences of indecent behavior contribute to the development of an awareness of correct social conduct. The wisdom gained throughout life allows for the ability to see beyond superficial beauty and uphold a refined moral code.

Venus ☍ Juno: When Venus opposes Juno, you may have high ideals about love but struggle with imposing these ideals on others instead of engaging in open communication. Relying solely on physical attraction can lead to misunderstandings and relationships that lack depth. Conversely, you might feel tempted to rush into a marriage based on fantasies without truly knowing if there is genuine love and commitment. It's important to approach romantic decisions with caution, ensuring there is genuine love and a solid foundation before committing to a lasting relationship. By fostering open communication and realistic expectations, you can navigate this aspect with more clarity and fulfillment.

Venus ☍ Ceres: When Venus opposes Ceres, you may have a close bond with your nurturing mother, but there can be unresolved issues surrounding separation and independence. Possessiveness and a fear of suffocating loved ones may create a disconnection from receiving care. In relationships, you seek individuals who provide support, but an overprotective mother may hinder your emotional development and discourage relationships she deems "without a future." It's important to communicate with your mother about the need for care from others. This aspect can also present challenges in dating or marriage, with separation or divorce being particularly daunting. Finding someone who values mutual care and support is essential.

Venus ☍ Vertex: When Venus opposes the Vertex, your love relationships may pose challenges until you align yourself with like-minded individuals who share your thoughts, desires, and future plans. Surrounding yourself with people who lack similar spiritual and moral values can imbalance your social life. You attract catalysts into your life who challenge your understanding of genuine needs in relationships. Inhibitions and feelings of unworthiness can obscure romantic prospects and social interactions, especially in pursuit of unrequited love. Harmonizing your social activities with others and practicing self-care are essential. Take care of your voice and throat, allowing your charm to shine through.

Venus ☍ Lilith: When Venus opposes Lilith, there may come a time when you lose faith in love, despite yearning for a deep and passionate connection. Fear of rejection or obstacles can cause you to shy away from joyful love and commit to lasting relationships. This may lead to engaging in superficial relationships or succumbing to societal illusions. You might project a cold and distant façade to protect yourself from heartbreak. Finding balance is crucial, allowing yourself to trust, believe in love, and open up to someone who demonstrates its worthiness. Strive for authentic connections and avoid letting fear dictate your actions.

Mars ☍ Jupiter: The Mars opposition to Jupiter signifies obstacles in fully expressing both your desires and expansion in your psyche. Incorporating the opposites is essential for inner wholeness. Mars may feel limited or lack deep understanding, leading to difficulty in taking on significant tasks or experiencing joy. Alternatively, if you possess expanded horizons and understanding, frustration may arise in manifesting these ideas tangibly. Conflicts may emerge between personal desires and moral guidelines, causing guilt or inferiority. Denying yourself the benefits of life, you may engage in destructive behavior. Finding balance involves integrating personal assertiveness (Mars) with transpersonal expansion (Jupiter) for a fulfilling life.

Mars ☍ Saturn: The Mars opposition to Saturn highlights a conflict between active and inert energies within you. Impulses drive you to take action, but practical considerations make you hesitant. Balancing these inclinations leads to conflicts and feelings of being torn between acting and hesitating. Impulsive actions may be questioned later, while planning can be abandoned due to impatience. The opposition also creates a conflict between personal desires and societal obligations, leading to frustration and aggression. Finding balance involves integrating personal expression with structured frameworks and recognizing the role of rules and limitations. The opposition also affects the expression of the animus, with potential issues related to authority figures. Reclaiming a healthy animus requires understanding and accepting its formation through rules and discipline.

Mars ☍ Uranus: The Mars opposition to Uranus reveals a resistance to change and transformation in fulfilling personal desires. You may perceive successful action as incompatible with abstract concepts and lofty goals, creating a dilemma between pursuing personal desires or adhering to principles for the common good. Following principles sets you apart and challenges your individuality. Choosing the higher path requires sacrificing personal desires, leading to feelings of guilt and occasional paralysis of action. To relieve tension, unconventional actions may be taken, but there is a struggle to express uniqueness while conforming to societal norms. Finding balance between the ideal and the necessary is essential, as well as embracing unconventional expressions of masculinity.

Mars ☍ Neptune: The opposition between Mars and Neptune highlights the contradiction between action and transcendence. Mars represents personal desires and concrete action, while Neptune symbolizes self-dissolution and transcendence. This conflict pulls you in two different directions, causing doubt, confusion, and a sense of failure. It affects both your practical and spiritual life, as you struggle to reconcile your worldly desires with the desire for transcendence. This internal tension can hinder effective action and lead to frustration. Balancing and integrating these opposing forces is key to finding harmony. Additionally, the opposition may bring up issues related to masculinity and sexuality, requiring a confrontation with stereotypes and a transcendence of immature concepts.

Mars ☍ Pluto: The opposition between Mars and Pluto reveals a conflict between conscious action and subconscious motivations. Your personal desires and impulsive nature often contradict deeper subconscious goals or the need for power and control. This conflict can lead to external opposition, self-sabotage, or a struggle between impulsive gratification and conscience. Balancing these extremes is crucial to liberating hidden desires and integrating positive qualities of Mars and Pluto. It involves exercising control over impulses, strategic action within power dynamics, and addressing issues related to power and sexuality. Psychological work on the animus or anima is necessary to confront shadow aspects and achieve transformation.

Mars ☍ Part of Fortune: The opposition between Mars and the Part of Fortune presents challenges and frustrations, calling for a balance between their psychological functions. Your actions may seem to lead you away from experiencing good fortune, creating self-inflicted obstacles or diverting you from what you truly need. There may be a lack of desire to pursue beneficial paths, instead gravitating towards things that bring pain or stagnation. This inability to take positive action can result in frustration and impulsive behavior. Striving excessively for good fortune or dismissing it when it arrives further hinders progress. Achieving balance requires purposeful action while accepting that some desires may be beyond your fortune to attain.

Mars ☍ Ascendant: With Mars opposing the Rising, you tend to attract threatening individuals due to a lack of self-confidence. Your aggressive actions are a defense mechanism to convince yourself otherwise. Constant interactions help you develop skills to handle potential exploiters. However, your lack of self-discipline affects communication, leading to irritation and aggression when challenged. Learning to control your words and actions is crucial. While authorities may see you as unique, they may find you difficult to deal with. Engaging in competitive interactions helps you assert yourself constructively, but compromising for peace and harmony is important. Express your creative energy through actions, value supportive friends, and appreciate their assistance.

Mars ☍ Imum Coeli: Having self-confidence is crucial for navigating your professional life. A stable and loving home life can contribute to entering the world with confidence, enabling you to set goals, work diligently, and find success in various professions. However, a lack of self-confidence may lead to hesitations in your career path. Obstacles and conflicts can hinder your progress and even cause stress-related illnesses. Seeking professional advice, such as personal counseling or career guidance, can help you build self-esteem, make wise choices, and achieve the desired success.

Mars ☍ Descendant: In your partnerships, you tend to attract assertive, independent, and highly energetic individuals who are constantly seeking excitement and release of tension. When it comes to marriage, you are likely to attract a spouse who is aggressive and a strong leader, both in the domestic setting and professionally, particularly in surgical fields. Your friends and interactions are often challenging, as they compete with you in various ways. This competitive dynamic extends to your marriage, where there is a potent sexual attraction and friendly competition around sexual energy. You are drawn to decisive partners who can express their anger, and healthy competition exists as long as limits are respected.

Mars ☍ Midheaven: When Mars opposes the Midheaven (MC) in your chart, it creates tension between your assertive nature and your public image and career aspirations. Mars represents your drive and ambition, while the Midheaven reflects your professional reputation and how others perceive you. This opposition can lead to conflicts and challenges in finding a balance between expressing yourself and meeting the expectations of your chosen career. It requires learning to channel your assertiveness in a way that aligns with long-term goals and developing effective communication skills. By navigating these challenges consciously, you can achieve success and establish a fulfilling public image.

Mars ☍ Chiron: When Mars opposes Chiron in your chart, you possess a fighting spirit that manifests differently depending on the planets and houses involved. If spiritually advanced, you fight for the weak and underprivileged, but if less developed, you focus on strengthening your own position. This aspect offers opportunities for courage and rapid growth, but it can also create complications as you instinctively fight for your rights. Paradoxically, you become your own greatest adversary, stemming from a challenging upbringing. Recognizing your self-worth and seeking internal validation is crucial to overcome self-sabotage. As you progress, your fight may shift towards offering empathy and assistance to others, fostering personal healing and exploring alternative healthcare approaches.

Mars ☍ Vesta: When Mars opposes Vesta in your chart, you may face obstacles in taking action and fulfilling commitments. Feelings of "masculine inadequacy" can lead to overly aggressive sexual expression as a compensation mechanism. Overworking is another common response to repressed anger or sexual issues. Resolving these challenges involves aligning your energy, drive, and will with a focused direction and purpose. You may struggle with a dilemma between dedication and self-interest, projecting one role while hiding the other within relationships. Finding balance between self-directed action and dedication to truth is a challenging yet stabilizing process. Integrating these aspects will lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

Mars ☍ Pallas: When Mars opposes Pallas in your chart, you may have a tendency to avoid participating in socially active groups, despite supporting their causes, due to a resistance towards being an adventurer. You prefer to work alone, although you understand the importance of organized action. Your personal ambitions and interests might hinder your ability to fight for justice, possibly due to a lack of self-confidence. Gender roles and equality could be significant issues for you, but you may hesitate to take a firm stand. These issues often arise within the context of a loving relationship, where you may struggle to develop trust and intimacy due to self-confidence issues. Developing self-assurance will enhance your intimate relationships.

Mars ☍ Juno: When Mars opposes Juno in your chart, there is a potential for using anger to control or manipulate your loved ones or spouse. Resolving conflicts requires finding a middle ground and avoiding taking sides. It's crucial to address the need for equality and assertiveness in the relationship to prevent it from becoming a constant battle. However, projecting these needs onto your partner can lead to difficulties with aggression or anger. You may feel like you're constantly swinging between opposing viewpoints, struggling to find a stable middle ground. While you have a clear vision of your ideal long-term relationship, turning it into reality is challenging. You're often attracted to individuals with different mindsets, but approaching them in a manipulative manner can hinder progress. It's important to avoid manipulative behavior and be mindful of attracting partners with similar tendencies.

Mars ☍ Ceres: When Mars opposes Ceres in your chart, you may experience a conflict between the desire to nurture and the need for independence. This conflict can stem from your upbringing, particularly if you were raised by a dominant or controlling parent. Learning to nurture those in your home environment will enhance your patience and assertiveness. You might face a dilemma regarding domestic life, as you value your freedom and independence. Additionally, conflicts related to parenting and nurturing may arise in your relationships. Compassion challenges may present opportunities to practice kindness and care, but it's important to avoid using brute force. Neglecting self-care can lead to harm, so balancing strength, determination, and courage is crucial. Trust in the importance and direction of your actions, even if personal sacrifices are required.

Mars ☍ Vertex: When Mars opposes the Vertex in your chart, you will encounter opposition in your actions, providing opportunities to navigate challenging situations and develop valuable skills. Your personal charm will help restore balance in these demanding encounters. People you meet along your journey will encourage you to explore your sense of self-identity, although it may be a complex process due to impulsive reactions and personal struggles. However, relying solely on others to do the work for you will lead to frustration. Life will present numerous situations where you must take charge, seize opportunities, and strive for success. However, it's important to approach challenges with mindfulness, considering not only the needs of others but also your own.

Mars ☍ Lilith: Mars opposing Lilith reveals a pattern of behaviors with a "boomerang effect" in your life. You often take action to stand out and may issue or accept challenges that can incite aggression from others. It's crucial to exercise caution, be aware of the facts, and practice prudence to prevent situations from escalating. Unconsciously, you may find yourself in a position of being rejected or attacked, despite not seeking conflict. Your anger, aggression, and hostility can unintentionally trigger similar reactions in others, especially those prone to violence. Awareness and self-control are key to managing this dynamic.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[heli-writes]

Marriage of Convenience, part 11: the invitation.

Pairing: Yoriichi x you

Summary: Yoriichi's friends think that Yoriichi is too lonely and needs a wife and family to take care of him. They propose a marriage of convenience to a woman who's in need of a husband. The arrangement of the marriage is simple: both parties live their lives as before, y/n takes care of Yoriichi as a wife and Yoriichi keeps unwanted men (and demons) away. Love is not required, friendship is appreciated. However, how detached can one be when living so close to each other?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Series Masterlist

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„The master really wants to speak to you?“

It's hard to notice in Yoriichi's usual monotone voice, but he's actually surprised. Y/n curls her lips in distaste.

„I used to work for him before, you know.“, y/n tells him offendedly.

Yoriichi leans slightly back as y/n massages a heating cream into the sore muscles of his back. Y/n pushes him forward a bit in order to have more room to work. Maybe she pushed a little bit rougher than usual.

„But you don't anymore.“, Yorichii curtly points out.

Y/n takes a deep breath. Yes. That's what has been bothering her. Yoriichi didn't get a citation by the leader of the demon slayer corps and he's basically his boss. Or maybe not, since Yoriichi does not seem to affiliate with the cooperation besides teaming up with them once in a while.

„Did his wife tell you what this is about?“, Yoriichi asks and y/n shakes her head.

„No, just that I have to come to tea this afternoon. Or rather that I am invited. But since we're squatting in his house, I hardly can say no.“, y/n grumbles.

Yoriichi shifts his body so that he can look into y/n's eyes and grab her hand softly.

„You don't have to go if you don't want to.“, he says determined.

Y/n sighs at that and swats his hand away. Yoriichi pulls his clothes back over his shoulders. Y/n takes some time to answer him while washing her hands in a bowl of clean water.

„It's not like I am afraid of him or anything. It's just that... that our cooperation ended badly for my family and y/s/n's family. It brings back a sense of dread.“, she tells him.

„I can come along if it makes you more comfortable.“, Yoriichi offers.

Y/n wants to say yes but also feels a little silly accepting such an offer. She's a grown woman who can have a mature conversation with another adult. She does not need somebody to hold her hand. And yet, Yoriichi's presence would be a welcomed source of comfort and security. Not that she expects an ill intent from the head of the Ubayashiki family.

„Y/n.“

Yoriichi puts a hand on her shoulder. It's warm and grounds her in the racing of her own thoughts. Y/n twists around and comes face-to-face with her husband.

„I am coming with you.“, he decides for her.

Y/n feels embarrassed. She doesn't want a babysitter but at the same time, she's glad Yoriichi decided for her so that she doesn't have to ask for it.

Yoriichi strokes a strand of hair out of her face.

„It is unfit for a man to speak to another man's wife without her husband in the room.“, he says and y/n rolls her eyes.

The connotations behind this idea of how men and women have to behave are distasteful to her. She doesn't voice her opinion though. It's a common idea in this society and she knows that Yoriichi uses it as an excuse to tag along. For her, not because he actually sees offense in the extended invitation.

„Alright.“, she tells him and Yoriichi gives her a soft, reassuring smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n awkwardly repositions her legs. Besides her, Yoriichi is still sitting like a statue. Sometimes it makes him seem less human and more like the monsters he hunts at night. Y/n shivers at the idea.

She can see that Yoriichi is giving her a side eye but before he can say something to calm her nerves, the door in front of them is slid open and Ubuyashiki and his wife alongside two servants enter the room.

The servants quickly set up a table and tea while the master of the house and his wife take seats in front of y/n and Yoriichi. Ubuyashiki waits until the servants have left the room before addressing the couple in front of him.

„Yoriichi, I am glad to see you return in full health.“, he addresses y/n's husband first who only gives him a short nod. Then, he turns to y/n and says: „Thank you, Mrs. L/n, for meeting with me today“.

„It's Tsugikuni.“, y/n almost immediately corrects him. She does so without thinking and when she realizes how rude that must've been, a deep crimson crawls up her neck. Ubuyashiki only gives her a soft smile.

„Right, excuse me, of course, I know you're married by now. I was glad to receive the news. I couldn't imagine a better partner for our Yoriichi here.“, he replies to y/n sudden outburst.

Y/n observes him warily. She doesn't like how the older man compliments her. Somehow, it feels like a trap. The feeling only deepens when Ubuyashiki continues: „While I'm glad to see you by Yoriichi's side, I also deeply regret as why it's him by your side and not someone else. My condolences to what happened to your fiancée. I'm sure he rest in peace with his ancestors.“

At least he doesn't pretend things didn't end badly for me, y/n acknowledges Ubuyashiki's openness about the end of their little collaboration.

„I also want to extend my gratitude towards you, Mrs. Tsugikuni. You saved many lives last night.“, Ubuyashiki says.

Y/n lowers her gaze. She doesn't want praise for her actions. It makes her feel uncomfortable. She's not some hero who selflessly jumped into action. Quite the opposite. In contrast to these men, she hides in this mansion. Too afraid to look the evil in the eye that hunts her.

„Thank you, but I only used the knowledge that was passed onto me.“, y/n replies.

„Yami, I'm sorry to interrupt. But why exactly have you invited my wife here?“, Yoriichi surprisingly joins the conversation.

Y/n is surprised at how cool Yoriichi suddenly sounds.

It's almost hostile, she thinks.

Ubuyashiki gives Yoriichi a smile that is meant to look soft, but y/n finds it a bit forced.

„Right, of course, I shouldn't waste your time by exchanging pleasantries.“, Yami Ubuyashiki admits. He turns back to y/n again and watches her carefully.

„As I said, y/n you saved many lives today. I got to know your family as experts of a different kind, but clearly, you also have the gift of a healer.“, Ubuyashiki says carefully. Y/n almost immediately interrupts him.

„Please don't overestimate my competences. I make medicine and know how to treat basic ailments like colds and cuts. I don't have the knowledge or skill to treat bigger wounds.“, she states.

Ubuyashiki gives her a long calculating look.

„Right, but you do know your way around antitoxins.“, he points out and a cold shiver runs down her spine.

He could've said poisons, y/n notes to herself.

„Your medicine saved many of our men tonight.“, he emphasizes. After a moment of silence, he continues: „Y/n, I would like you to continue your work for us“.

„Absolutely not.“, y/n's reply shoots out of her immediately. Ubuyashiki glances toward Yoriichi for a split second. When Yoriichi does not interrupt, Ubuyashiki continues.

„Last night showed us how important it is to have someone in our midst who knows how to deal with poisons.“, he explains.

„I won't be that someone.“, y/n says determinedly.

„Mrs. Tsugikuni, I understand your reservations.“, Yuko Ubuyashiki suddenly joins the conversation. Y/n almost forgot that Ubuyashiki's wife was present as well.

„Then you understand why I can't work for you again.“, y/n points out grimly.

„We don't expect you to immediately pick up things where you left them“, Yuko says a bit more softly and y/n awkwardly shifts her legs again. „We would just like you to...“

„My wife just stated very clearly that she has no interest in working on poisons again.“, Yoriichi abruptly interrupts her. Y/n is grateful that he finally joins the discussion as well. She had hoped that he would take her side on this.

The room lies in silence for a few seconds.

„We just-“, Yuko starts again.

„No.“, Yoriichi simply says and there lies a power behind that word that makes y/n shiver. She had no idea that soft, shy Yoriichi could sound like that. Like there is no room for negotiation.

„Yoriichi, my friend, we understand. Really, we do. Both of you wouldn't be living beneath our roof if we didn't understand how dire the situation for your family is.“, Ubuyashiki tries to sway him.

It doesn't escape y/n how he brings up the fact that the Ubuyashikis are granting them sanctuary.

„Exactly.“, Yoriichi agrees, „Which is also exactly the reason why y/n should not gain more attention from Muzan and his upper moons. I already draw enough attention“.

Y/n raises her eyebrow in surprise. This is the first time Yoriichi admits his own strength and influence. Usually, he tends to demean himself and his work.

Ubuyashiki nods agreeingly. „Yes, yes, of course. But don't you agree that what happened yesterday night was a tragedy? Don't you agree that Muzan's attacks grow more viciously every night? Didn't you yourself tell me that they were closing in on you and your family?“, he questions Yoriichi.

When Yoriichi doesn't answer, Ubuyashiki continues: „We don't want to put your family in more danger, but yesterday night showed us how desperately we need someone with y/n's skills.“.

Ubuyashiki turns to y/n and holds her gaze determinedly.

„Y/n, I'm not asking you to continue your research. All I'm asking is if you would consider joining our ranks as a healer. As someone who makes medicine, antitoxins, to save our slayers' lives.“, he states and continues to stare into y/n's eyes.

Again, y/n awkwardly shifts in her stance and looks away almost ashamed. It's not an unreasonable request, especially considering how generous the Ubuyashiki family has treated them.

„Y/n“, Yoriich says calmly in her direction and y/n does not find the strength to look up to him. Suddenly, she feels his hand on her leg. „You don't have to say yes. We'll find shelter somewhere else.“, he tells her.

Ubuyashiki sighs deeply. „Yoriichi, Y/n... you're misunderstanding. We're not throwing you out, we're not using your situation to gain something. Y/n... we would never throw your family out. If you really don't want this, we accept it.“, he explains.

Y/n stares at her hands. She can't look up and meet Yoriichi's or Ubuyashiki's gaze.

„If I were to agree... what would this entail?“, she eventually asks carefully. Yami and Yuko exchange a glance. It's not a yes yet but it almost is.

„As my husband explained, you'd join our ranks as a healer. We'd transfer you to work with Mei Rengoku, the wife of our flame pillar. She's a healer too, but more practically like the nurses you've worked with last night. We hope that your skills complement each other.“, Ubuyashiki tells her.

Y/n carefully looks up to Yoriichi. She hopes to see something on his face that tells her if it's a good offer or not, but Yoriichi stares straight ahead leaving the decision up to her.

She wants to talk this over with Yoriichi. To see what his opinion is on the matter, and what's best for their family. But ultimately, she knows it's her decision. Of course, Yoriichi could decide for her. He's her husband after all. However, Yoriichi isn't the type of man to overrule her decision simply because he can.

Y/n sighs deeply.

„Can you guarantee my son's safety?“, she asks the head of the Ubuyashiki family.

„I can never guarantee anything when it comes to Muzan Kibutsuji.“, Ubuyashiki states honestly and y/n's heart sinks a bit.

„However, I can promise you that I will do anything that's possible to keep him safe.“, Ubuyashiki says calmly.

I guess this is the best I can get, y/n thinks. She looks up to Yoriichi one more time, giving him the opportunity to interfere. When he doesn't move, she gives Yami Ubuyashiki her decision.

„Alright then, I will work for you.“

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tag list: @maluvilela @pirana10 @rjasmin2021 @puddingchoo

[Please comment beneath the last update if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters]

[animeloverskylarmoon]

Ulquiorra Cifer (Bleach) - Oneshot

“I’ll enjoy killing you reaper.”

The hand around your throat felt final. With your zanpakuto a good distance away, you really couldn’t see how this would end in your favor. In actuality, you should have known it was an ambush. Those two previous hollows had been taken down way too easily.

All it took was one viciously charged punch to your gut and you’d been knocked down. Now with its hand squeezing against your windpipe, you just prayed that it would be over quickly.

Your vision was becoming blurry, you could feel your consciousness slipping.

“Release her.”

There was a weight to those words, and your shaky gaze moved to the source of the order. All your mind seems to process are those emotionless green eyes. The hollow turned, still holding you off the ground. All you could offer was another grunt of pain.

“You would kill your own kind to protect a reaper.”

The hollow sounded almost disgusted.

“You are not my kind.”

Your savior lifted his hand, and the beam that shot out blasted the hollow’s head clean off. Your breath hitched, because the grip loosened almost immediately and your body was falling. You didn’t even have the strength to brace for the fall. You were caught, and your gaze shifted in his direction, trying to make sense of what little your brain could process before you finally gave in.

The next time your eyes opened, you were staring at a familiar ceiling. You blinked and when you turned your head, Unohana offered a smile.

“You’re awake.”

She looked altogether pleased that you were now conscious, and you had so many questions. Like how did you get there? What happened, who was the reaper that saved you?”

“It seems Ulquiorra-san made it just in time. I’m relieved that you’re alright.” Unohana wore a gentle look and you were happy, but the sentence seemed to play over in your head and that’s why you registered who had saved you.

“U-Ulquiorra-san?”

She nodded, turning her head as she gestured to someone. When she walked away, you weren’t expecting the former Espada to be your rescuer.

“You..saved me?”

“Yes.”

His tone was blank, his expression the very same.

While the alliance with them was solidified, it was still strange. Nel was easy to adjust to, after all she had been on your side from the beginning, but Grimmjow, even Harribel, it was weird. But obviously appreciated.

Now with all the wars done, they were as much a part of the Gotei 13 as any other reaper. So it shouldn’t be crazy that he would help. It was just the fact that you knew his personality. Before that moment, you wouldn’t have thought that he cared at all for you, much less your safety.

Suddenly you’re aware of how inadequate you are as a reaper.

“I guess it should be expected, I’m weak and useless.”

You laughed, but it was only to cover up your own inadequacies.

“You are weak.”

A bead of sweat ran down the side of your head at his very calm tone.

“Geez, he could have at least lied to me.”

It shouldn’t even be a surprise.

“But you are not useless.”

That made you turn. There was still a detachment to his gaze, but he was looking right at you.

“Everything in this world has a use, I have found mine. You will find yours.”

There was a sincerity in those words, even if he couldn’t display it on his face.

In that moment, you truly felt like you would indeed find your purpose.

Maybe that’s when your perspective on him started to change. After your recovery, you were back taking missions.

Your most recent one was with Shinji. While the assignment didn’t truly require a captain, you got the feeling that he just wanted to visit the Karakura. After all, he’d spent a few decades in the town. Now in casual clothing, the first place he stopped by was at Kisuke’s. Hiyori, Orihime, Ichigo and to your surprise Ulquiorra were all there sitting around the table. Ichigo was bantering with Hiyori, Orihime was just laughing happily at their antics and Ulquiorra stayed planted, almost blending into the background.

“Hey baldy you’re back.”

The nickname earned a yell.

“Stop calling me that you loudmouth shrimp!!”

She then persisted to grab him into a chokehold. At that point you realized how obvious it was that he missed his other home. A smile made its way on your face.

“(Y/N)-san, do you mind getting some more rice cakes? The store down the street sells the best ones. Kurosaki-kun ate all the rest.”

“I-I did not!”

His cheeks were burning and you were smiling.

“Hai, I’ll grab some more.”

“I will accompany you.”

Ulquiorra’s declaration earned looks from everyone in the room but Orihime. She was still wearing a bright smile.

“Really?”

Ichigo asked.

“Yes, she is weak. She needs someone to look after her.”

Shinji laughed and you puffed your cheeks that were now flushed.

“Y-You don’t have to keep saying it.” You grumble.

Ulquiorra was unfazed and you sighed.

“Let’s just go.”

In a matter of seconds you were out the door. You knew he wasn’t intentionally trying to be hurtful, he’s just very blunt.

“You have fully recovered.”

The statement drew your attention, and your cheeks heated when you realized he was looking at you. From the stare he must have been doing so the entire time you were walking.

“I-I’m okay.”

You stammered out.

“That’s good.”

That was all he said before he turned his gaze forward. In truth, you couldn’t read him. He gave so little away. You weren’t sure if he was being nice or simply making an inquiry just for some kind of confirmation. That’s why you felt you had to ask.

“Before..you said that you found a purpose, a use, what is it?”

His eyes were still directed ahead.

“To help other souls, the way that Orihime-san has helped me.”

For just a moment, you can hear just a spec of emotion and it’s possibly the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen, because a single act of kindness seems to have changed the views of someone who felt so far gone.

It was at that point that you realized that you truly did admire not just Orihime, but also Ulquiorra. Maybe that’s why you always felt so warm whenever he would even look in your direction.

Each encounter felt different, you grew closer.

“You’re weaker than all those fourth squad members.”

A few other reapers laughed at the statement and you gritted your teeth, clenching your fist.

Getting jumped by members in the eleventh squad was never ideal. They still thought they were the best of the best, and despite your clear irritation at the three men standing in front of you laughing, they were right.

You’re weak.

That’s why they always pushed you around. All you had done was drop off some papers when you caught them messing with a reaper from squad four. Of course you intervened, but now you’re backed into a wall and you’re certain you can’t take three of them, not all at once.

One of them cracked their knuckles and you flash stepped. You knew he assumed you were running away, that’s why when you reappeared, delivering a harsh kick to his face, his friends looked startled. He was down for the count in seconds, and you dropped low, taking another one down. His body hit the floor with a harsh thud, grunting at the pain.

For a while you were sure you had the upper hand. After all, one was unconscious and the other was at least rattled. The next attack you planned to deliver didn’t land. The last one moved quicker and you were grabbed by the back of your head as he slammed your face into the concrete. He grinned, adding pressure and you yelled out in pain.

“Serves you right.”

His hand moved to the back of your robes and he flung you. You expected to hit a wall, or at the very least the roof of a building, but someone caught you, slowing you down. Your feet skidded midair to a stop and when you looked over your shoulder, those green eyes seemed like recognition enough.

“Shit!! It’s Ulquiorra, I’m out of here!!”

The reaper who had been pummeling you dashed off and his conscious friend picked up the passed out one, running just as quickly. You huffed, face and ego bruised. They stepped on you like dirt, but one look at Ulquiorra had them booking it into next week. It was irritating, the reminder of your difference in power, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad at him. This was the second time he’d come to your rescue.

“Your abilities would be better dispensed if you weren’t afraid to utilize your zanpakuto.”

Your brows knitted and this time you turned to him fully. It dawned on you that he must have seen a part of the fight to make such a comment.

“You saw?”

“Yes.”

Yet he hadn’t jumped right in. You weren’t sure why that made you feel a bit better. You know he thinks you're weak, but he didn’t immediately assume you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself. Despite your swollen cheek, you smiled.

“A-Arigatou!”

You couldn’t seem to wipe the happy expression off your face and he looked a bit confused.

“You are happy I let them attack you?”

“Hai!”

“Do you enjoy getting hurt?”

You just laughed, because it was funny how little he understood but still made an effort to try.

Time and time again he just seemed to be there.

His stare still the same, but his actions a reflection of someone who wanted to learn, to understand what it meant to protect, to care. After all he’d done, it felt right to treat him. That’s why you were now sitting in your quarters with a bowl of ramen placed in front of him.

“Eat up, there’s plenty!”

He just gave a nod, and you took a seat, chin in your palm as you watched him eat silently. You’ve realized for a while now that there was something underlyingly elegant about Ulquiorra. The way he spoke, carried himself, even ate. He just emits a certain type of energy.

You must have just been staring at him for a while, because he placed the chopsticks down and you blinked.

“I am done. It was delicious.”

You weren’t sure how such a monotone voice could sound so endearing.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

You took the empty bowl, heading over to your sink to clean the dish. Humming happily, you were barely paying mind to much but learning more about him. When the dish was cleaned, you placed it down, turning back to Ulquiorra who was not standing and just looking at you.

You blushed.

“I-Is something wrong?”

“No.”

You laughed a bit awkwardly, inching out of the kitchen.

“T-Then why are you staring at me?”

“Because you are beautiful.”

If you weren’t red before, you sure as hell were now. You looked away with a nervous smile.

“You really need to work on your skills Ulquiorra-san.”

He may have been oblivious about every single thing, but the one thing that’s guaranteed is that you always felt safe with him. That’s why those little meetings continued. After a mission or even a tough day, you would decompress by inviting him over and just offering a meal, or conversation.

Regardless of how battered you got or what you went through, you always felt a bit better when you saw him. Those green eyes that were still so void of emotion, they felt like everything you needed. What others were put off by drew you in. That’s why when the most recent rumor, well it felt somewhat crippling.

“Did you hear, Ulquiorra-san was injured in battle?”

For a second you staggered, and you rushed over to the group.

“Did you say he was hurt!!”

They looked a bit startled.

“Y-Yes, apparently there was an encounter with a powerful enemy in the world of the living. I heard he’s in squad four be-”

You didn’t wait for the rest, you were dashing off to squad four. Your feet were moving briskly, and the second you landed in the barracks, you were rushing through the halls, almost running into a few reapers.

“Ulquiorra!!”

Your yell echoed and you made another sharp turn. The moment you entered the room, you saw those green eyes. You didn’t even wait for him to say anything, you basically jumped into his arms. He took a step back, eyes widening slightly at the contact as you clutched unto him desperately.

“You’re okay…”

You were sobbing, and he looked down, still fairly confused.

“Why is she crying?”

He couldn’t understand.

You pulled back slowly, staring at him. For a second you were searching for injury. As you fully took in his state, you couldn’t truly see any bruises, or at the very least a wound.

“Y-You’re not hurt..?”

“No. Zaraki-san made an unsanctioned trip to the world of the living to chase after Kurosaki Ichigo. The Head Captain asked me to follow to ensure the damage was at a minimum. Unfortunately he got to Kurosaki before I arrived."

Ulquiorra stepped to the side and Ichigo’s twitching form was laying on the bed. You sweatdropped.

It just goes to show how unreliable gossip is. 

You sighed, wiping your cheeks as you sniffled. You felt like a fool making a scene for nothing. Now thoroughly embarrassed, you just turned.

“W-Well I’m glad you’re okay!”

With that you were hightailing it in the opposite direction.

It was clear that just the thought of anything happening to him would be devastating to you. Before you knew it you’d become attached, that’s why with every little meeting at your barracks you felt a little more awkward. The moment you became aware of your feelings, you felt like he had too.

“(Y/N)-san.”

“Hai!!”

You jumped, and from his expression it’s clear he wanted to know why you were acting like a skittish cat. You swallowed, looking away, playing it off with a laugh. Suddenly being in your space with him alone felt like too much. It’s not like you could stop the visits altogether. Surely he would know something is up.

Also..you didn’t really want them to stop. The more you thought about it the more flustered you became.

“W-We should probably call it a night. L-Let me see you out.”

You jumped to your feet to do just that, but your legs chose that very moment to stop working. Your legs caught with each other and you tumble right into his chest with a grunt.

His hands came down to steady you, and when you looked up, you couldn’t move, almost stopped breathing. That emerald gaze was fixated on you and every fiber in your body just froze. You weren’t sure how to react, what to say. Your eyes shook and before you could stop yourself, you were pushing up on your toes as you pressed your lips to his. His eyes grew a fraction bigger, and yours stayed shut, terrified of rejection, or worse, disgust.

After a few moments, you pulled back with a shaky breath. Your lips quivered and your heart was beating aggressively against your rib cage. Ulquiorra still seemed to be collecting himself, and when he licked his lower lip and stared down at you, the next words were the last thing you were expecting.

“Be my wife.”

Your face flamed up.

“A-AFTER JUST ONE KISS!!”

“Yes.”

You felt like you were going to overheat. You meant to say something, reason with him, but this time his head lowered and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your awaiting lips. Your brows knitted, and the gentle way his hands held your shoulders made you want to melt on the spot. With your eyes closed, you could hear your heart more clearly.

When he pulled you closer, you felt something thumping and it became apparent that the noise wasn’t your heart rate beating harshly, but it was his. You all but melted. He took one step, and you moaned the second you realized he’s used his flash step, pressing you to the door.

The sound echoed in the room, the noises of your desperate kisses felt near sinful. Your lips were meeting and joining with a sense of urgency. You had no idea Ulquiorra could kiss so well. You were barely keeping yourself upright.

Your fingers gripped tighter into his robes, and when he pulled back, you were fighting to regain your breath. When you looked at him, it was the first time you could see his emotions clearly. He was breathing pretty calmly for someone who had just stolen not just your oxygen, but also your heart.

“You taste sweet.”

That confession was almost too much. You wanted to say just that, but he kissed you again and you whimpered, now very aware that there was no escape.

He had too much power.

For once, you could admit that you were indeed weak.

[felassan]

Email from Modiphius:

"MASS EFFECT NEWS! Mass Effect The Board Game and Mass Effect Miniatures are almost here! Commander Shepard, it’s time to suit up—the galaxy needs you again! Mass Effect The Board Game - Priority: Hagalaz is coming very soon! But here’s some top secret data just for you: we’re also releasing a range of high quality resin Mass Effect Miniatures! You can use these miniatures to upgrade the plastic miniatures and tokens in the base game, or field them in any miniatures skirmish game (like Five Parsecs from Home), and they’re great for for miniatures collectors and Mass Effect fans everywhere! Find out more on our Mass Effect blog and get a tease of the miniatures representing the crew of the Normandy, including both male and female Shepard minis (with optional helmets) and Wrex and Tali (with detachable drone)! If you haven’t already, sign up for Mass Effect news here, so you can be among the first to find out when pre-orders for Mass Effect The Board Game - Priority: Hagalaz and our Mass Effect Miniatures launch VERY soon! Until then, stay vigilant. The galaxy is counting on you."

[source: email from Modiphius]

Images of the miniatures (Sheps, Garrus, Liara, Tali, Wrex)

[source]

Info from the associated blogpost:

"Mass Effect Miniatures By Gavin Dady Art by David Benzal October sees the launch of Mass Effect The Boardgame - Priority: Hagalaz. In it, Commander Shepard and their band of loyal squadmates take on a new mission to explore a crashed Cerberus Cruiser on the storm-wracked world of Hagalaz. Within the cruiser they will face many dangerous enemies, from the survivors of the Cerberus crew, native life and even the dangerous captives and experiments that Cerberus were keeping aboard the ship. The enemies are represented by thick, full colour, illustrated card tokens in the game, but Modiphius are also producing a range of 32mm, multipart miniatures to compliment them. As with our previous Fallout and The Elder Scrolls miniatures, these are highly detailed resin collectors miniatures.    In this first phase of miniatures, we are concentrating on the core sets required to build up the forces for the board game. The first of these is The Heroes of the Normandy Alpha. It includes six miniatures in alternative poses for the PVC sculpts from the board game.  Commander Shepard is represented in both male and female versions. Armed with the M-8 Assault Rifle or her M-3 pistol and Omni-blade, Shepard is ready to take the fight to their enemies. Shepard also comes with optional parts to depict them with either bare head or their iconic helmet from their N7 armour. The former C-Sec officer, Garrus Vakarian, has been by Shepard’s side from their earliest days as a SPECTRE and is depicted in his role as one of the galaxy’s premier snipers (arguments about who is the better shot between Shepard and Garrus aside). Garrus is depicted with his signature M-92 Mantis rifle, repaired armour and the scars he gained as The Archangel. Next amongst Shepard’s staunch allies is Dr. Liara T’soni. A powerful Asari biotic, expert on the ancient Prothean race and, secretly, the powerful underworld figure The Shadowbroker. Liara  is depicted initiating one of her powerful biotic abilities, energy crackling around her hand. Tali’Zhora Nar Rayya is the young Quarian that Shepard first met whilst pursuing the rogue SPECTRE Saren. Tali is a gifted engineer and staunch advocate for the Quarian people. She is depicted with her drone, Chatika, who can be modelled attached to Tali’s Omni-tool, or kept separate to act as a marker during gameplay. Rounding out the squad is Urdnot Wrex, the veteran mercenary and leader of Clan Urdnot. Wrex is a powerhouse in battle, utilising biotic abilities, a powerful M-300 Claymore shotgun and, more than once, a well placed head-butt. As well as these miniatures, we are also producing further sets to compliment the boardgame, including Reaper Forces, Cerberus Troops and some of the Priority Threats that you will face as you make your way through the crashed cruiser. These sets are ideal for upgrading the tokens in the base game, or for use in any miniatures skirmish game (like Five Parsecs from Home) or for miniatures collectors everywhere. Look out for special collectors and gameplay bundles available exclusively from Modiphius  when the Mass Effect Board Game pre-orders go live soon! In the meantime, you can sign-up for more Mass Effect news here."

[source]

[psalmicwitch]

🔹 Psalm Magic 101 🔹

I practice with psalm magic a lot as a Christian witch, but it’s not exclusive to Christian witches. I’ve said this before on my blog, but the psalms are some of the oldest, most well documented pieces of magic we have.

The psalms, commonly attributed to King David, but there’s actually no evidence of who authored any of the psalms. We have no idea who they came from, but we know they came from much older sources. Using the book of psalms as magical test is a sort of pre-Wiccan traditional witchcraft practice.

I tend to follow Ariel Gatoga’s method of psalm magic, though there are many traditions.

Step 1: Start with a Psalm

Start with a psalm. It helps if it has a meaning that aligns with what your intentions are, but it isn’t explicitly necessary. You’ll have a harder time working the psalm, but it is definitely not impossible. I like this index of psalm meanings.

Your first read through of the psalm you’re going to treat it like an incantation. Recite with intent and with energy, whatever that means for you. Do this without stopping. (If you stop you do gotta start over)

This doesn’t have to be out loud, if you’re in the broomcloset, but read through it as if you were reciting it out loud. I like to describe this as “all but” letting the words come out of your mouth.

Step 2: Work the Psalm

Next, we move on to working the psalm. Our next read through, mentally or out loud, we’re reading and digging deeper, verse by verse, finding the occult meanings behind certain words.

What are occult or double meanings? I really like, again, Ariel Gatoga’s booklet on discerning the double meanings of certain words.

He describes finding these words as seeds which we plant and grow into magic. The description that resonates with me is knitting these words together to grow into a functional spell.

There’s no inherent magic in reciting a psalm. The magic comes from working and weaving its pieces together with intention to work towards your goal.

Sometimes, if I have the energy, I’ll do a second working of the same psalm. Don’t do more than one psalm a day. One thing about psalm magic is that it can be exhausting. I remember the first time I really had success with a working it completely drained me and I passed out immediately after. Even if you don’t get physically tired, it is mentally taxing, so don’t overdo it. (Remember to always raise energy before and ground after.)

Ending and Circuits

I personally end with incanting the psalm once more, putting special emphasis on those occult or double-meaninged words. I made this up. It helps me feel like I’ve gone full circle, but truly, we were finished after we worked the psalm. This second incantation is really just putting frosting on the outside of the psalm cake.

Circuits are an integral part of psalm magic, unlike my little frosting on the cake. When you work a psalm, it’ll work, but to add more energy to what you preformed, you’re going to want to recite similar psalms the next few days. My favorite circuit is definitely 9, 90, and 91 for healing illness.

To work a circuit, pick the 3-6 psalms you want to work, and work them, one a day, 3-6 days straight, depending on how many psalms you picked. After, take a few days rest and evaluate how you feel about what you did. I search deep for my gut to tell me where I stand in the problem. If you feel good, great! If you don’t, do the circuit again.

I like psalms because psalmic magic does not rely on anything else. You can create a ritual around it (I do!) but nothing else is required. You can be the most inconspicuous witch ever. You only need a Bible or a book of psalms.

A final note, if you feel detached from the language found in the book of psalms, especially if you’re not a devotee of an Abrahamic god, it’s important to reframe it. In this text, you are god. (Heresy alert lol). Remember, these texts predate what they’re used for in the Bible. Change your frame of reference, and realize you are the god of the texts. (Or if you do resonate with the way they are written, don’t bother.) It’s about how to make the text work with you. There is no power in the exact language with which the psalms are written.

Once you learn the process, psalm magic starts to feel like second nature.

If you ever don’t want to write your own spell, if you want to recite some old magic, or even if you are worried about getting caught, psalm magic has something for everyone. I really do implore you to give it a shot.

Lastly, if this has been helpful or insightful to you, please consider donating to the ALS Association.

I’m on a mission to end ALS. If you can’t donate, reblog my pinned post, or hey, send a psalm up for healing those with ALS, or knowledge for those working for the cure.

[lavendermin]

what is up, it's your boy, 🔥 anon (please let me be 🔥 anon), come to climb through your window with a stack of notes instead of limiting myself to method acting a little bitch at the foot of your front door

so crazy self-indulgent idea I just had BUT hear me out. hear me out on dreameater!reader AU

say they're originally some sort of metaphysical species like the heliobi, but somehow sustained an injury and decided to seek treatment at the luofu as a last resort. it ends with an experimental solution with someone who'd gotten info about the experiments of the sanctus medicus (like how in the quest, dan shu wanted to get immortal bodies from phantylia so bad but they'd exhausted all other means of artificially producing them—and then some clown disposed of the records badly like an IDIOT)

and it kind of works ∘ ∘ ∘ ( °ヮ° ) !! reader's form is tied to and sustained by the new body like an extremely codependent version of heliobi-possesed ingenium, but it requires the consumption of 'dreams' to support itself. mara is an overload of memories that morphs the mortal form when it hits a max output, so what if some other form of memories, aka dreams and the emotions that they come with can be changed into a source capable of sustaining a mortal form? dreameating is definitely not a form of vampirism haha what? this was totallt not inspired by your previous posts about vampire jing yuan no siree i have no idea what you're talking abou

but anyway. they meet after a battle of some sort where jing yuan gets bonked so fucking hard he gets coma-ed. maybe a side of possible mara onset because if I was a disciple of sanctus medicus you can bet everything in your blog that mara would be the first thing I'd turn to to fuck people over

maybe this is my fate as a self insert. half aha half yaoshi follower of a SM member that is an unwitting plot device and a but who the fuck cares that's not the point rn

sure would be crazy if there was someone around with the ability to seep into people's dreams huh

sure would be crazy if they decided to just ,,, slip into the general's mind to try and see what's going on there, after overhearing the healers working on him whispering among themselves that they don't know what's wrong with him, don't know how to fix it at all

,,, they'll just figure out a way to anonymously tip the healers off, if they figure anything out from their little venture into his head ! pardon the intrusion, dear patient °՞(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞° ,,,

- bonus points if the fact jing yuan is an arbiter-general just floats in a detached bubble, somewhere in reader's mind, because their job is to be a healer !! to live up to the person who'd saved them in their time of need's ideals !!!! who has time to worry about getting caught as being a weird ahh amalgation if they can save someone's life amiright !

I didn’t think about the dream sequence in detail, but what I do know is that jing yuan's subconscious (possibly the actual consciousness too?) would briefly interact with dreamwalking!reader. the natural instinct to having something poke about in your mind in a vulnerable state is to crush it like a cockroach, no shit, but what do you do when it really doesn’t seem to have any malicious intent, and somehow seems to be ,,, helping?

(but their brand of dreamwalking isn't meant for harmless brushes—its meant to devour, to rip sustenance from a mind no matter how guarded it is, to patch the endless yawning abyss that hungers for dreams to keep reader's body from failing on them. reader hasn't been gorging themselves or taking as little as possible because they understand that some things are unavoidable, that they can't keep themself or their patients alive if they're teetering on the edge of frailty all the time. some things have to be done, and they refuse to feel any guilt over it.)

but yeah !! me when I fuck up and accidentally fall into someone's dream, and have to play along with the disjointed imaginary going ons to drag said someone out of it without destabilising everything enough to immediately flashbang them with mara.

me when they wake up but still remember bits and pieces of what had happened in their dream because they're a fucking ARBITER-GENERAL with all the mental fortitude and skill required of one, especially bc they've lasted numerous centuries in that position

me when I suspiciously fall ill right after the patient in a coma wakes up ("guys it's just a cold trust *doubles over like they just got kicked in the crotch when their fellow healer unexpectedly opens a window and now there are spikes of pure light stabbing into their brain oh god oh fuck*")

that's all I have so far, unfortunately ,,, ╮(￣▽￣"")╭ thanks for reading all the way to this point if you did, though !! I'm considering making a new account to moot you, one for hsr content because I like my fandoms separated :D

more notes:

- reader probably has a history of being good with mind related ailments despite always having denied credit, half the healers they're friends with consider them a lucky charm for these matters, the other half think that reader is definitely doing SOMETHING but hey, people get fixed all the same so who gaf. them being a pretty decent coworker who's a hardcore grinder on the job and dedicated to the point that overwork ceases to exist half the time (dreameating has its perks) probably leads them to not mentioning it to anyone else, in case it causes reader trouble.

but who's to say that a certain general won't happen to catch wind about his mystery saviour?

- reader has been on the luofu for quite a while too, their legal documents file them as being a xianzhou native—which would be backed up by the biological makeup of their false body on a surface level ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑

​

Let 🔥 anon cook!!!! This was such a treat to read during brunch bc there’s so much you can explore with the dreameater concept plus a highly perceptive and seasoned arbiter-general.

What would the feeling of having your dreams eaten feel like afterward for the victim? Sort of like with a vampire bite that could leave a physical wound, dull or searing ache, effects of blood loss etc etc.

Could a dream being eaten, since it’s not a simple and easy procedure, cause some sort of ache or short term problem for the person? Maybe it’s leaves a short period of a few days where the person feels like they’ve forgotten something that they’re sure they should have remembered. Like phantom limb but for a dream perhaps. Like a dull headache that isn’t severe but annoyingly present for a few days as the mind tries to cope with the loss of something that was supposed to be processed. Maybe these kind of issues can only be seen in Jing Yuan due to his mental fortitude and strength or bc he was still under whereas your usual patients undergo a different process to prevent these. Dire times and desperate measures to ensure the general is saved.

And the dream walking would be interesting too! How would the reader handle it? Is there a game plan? If most dreams will have strangers we may have seen in our peripheral during the day, will you try to play it smart and blend in as a filler person in the dream? Trying to blend in?

Perhaps your targeted dream eating of sequences in his mind that may be contributing to mara even has repercussions for you afterwards. Maybe like how you mentioned you get ill afterwards like when eating something of poor quality (due to mara effects). A necessary sacrifice that you aren’t quite sure why you felt inclined to do. Perhaps it brings your body vessel at risk since it is one of xianzhou natives’ qualities. Would it be susceptible to being mara-struck?

I can yap on and on

Anon if you ever write this pls pls pls tag me or send it to me bc I would looove to read your explorations on this. It’s delicious for a plot!!!!! Mwah mwah 💗

[misscammiedawn]

Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid 2

This post contains discussions and descriptions of severe dissociation that may be triggering to those who experience those symptoms and details themes of abuse, war and alcoholism please be kind to yourself when reading. Full game spoilers for NitW and MGS2.

In my Media, Myself and I series of posts I've been talking about depictions of Dissociative Identity Disorder in media. Highlighting good representation because I think it's easy to tear down what doesn't work, but showing what does is a very teachable moment. Best way to increase understanding and tear down stigma is to show understandable and relatable examples. Even if they're imperfect.

To that end, I wish to take a mild distraction from talking about identity focused symptoms of dissociative disorders and do some posts on elements of dissociation which aren't highlighted as often, particularly not well.

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder is on the dissociative spectrum and the symptoms are experienced within forms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Identity DIsorder.

To borrow an info-graphic I utilized in my Hypnosis and Dissociative Disorders essay a while back

Source: Mayo Clinic

The brain processes the world and our association within that connects the concepts of "Me" and the concept of "Reality" and integrates them so we are able to process external reality and express our internal reality.

When we look at our hand we can look at it and understand "this is my hand", the shape of it, the sensation of proprioception, the knowledge that we are able to move it and it will move based on our innate intention. There is no process of "I want to move my hand, I am going to move my hand, my hand is moving" it all happens as part of one seamless process.

A practice within hypnosis for creating a sense of dissociation required for trance states is to have a person look at their hand and turn the phrasing from "my hand" to "that hand". Gradually having a person look at a thing until our brains stop processing it in relation to our surroundings until it "detaches" as a way of temporarily removing critical filters in an effort to lead a person to an altered and suggestible state.

A good example of this one can experience without assistance is to stare into a mirror for an elongated period of time. Our brains are always attempting to process a large amount of information and presents context to you that changes "those images on the mirror's surface" into "my reflection", it's why we are able to feel familiarity as a sense. When we perceive something that activates those associations the relevant information automatically filters in our mind and presents the concepts associated with the stimulus.

If we stare at the same reflection for too long those associations begin to disintegrate and we begin to view them divorced of the contexts we hold for them.

For those who suffer dissociative disorders, this is the root of why someone with DID will not "recognize" their reflection or why a person may not feel familiarity with something/someone they are aware of.

Dissociative amnesia is a topic I wish to cover in a future essay but it is also included in this process. Essentially when we dissociate our minds lose the ability to effectively filter what we are perceiving and relate it to our selves, our memories and our experiences.

Derealization is what happens when that critical filter between the external world and our internal perception breaks down. It's when we are not processing the world as being something we are engaging with. This may present as a disconnection between our perception and our understanding, for example "my hand feels like it's larger than it looks" or it can be a complete disconnect from what is happening in your present reality causing you to feel like you are in a dream. In extreme cases you lose your ability to relate your actions from consequences.

Let me tell you, having this happen while you're behind the wheel of a moving vehicle is terrifying and I hope no one reading this ever has to experience that.

I should also note that these symptoms tend to get dramatically worse the more you focus on them. In my own life, if I have a sensation that parts of my body feel incompatible with my inner perception of them then the vague dysphoria can blossom into full dissociation if I try to examine the feeling in any depth.

For an everyday version of it, think about the sensation of Deja Vu and how it feels like you have already experienced something which is happening in the present. During that state you are dissociated enough from processing your present reality that it "feels" like you've already experienced it, despite the knowledge that you are currently in the moment.

All of this is to give a vague view of what Derealization is and what it feels like.

Today I want to share two pieces of media that include a character overtly experiencing these symptoms and how the fiction displays the character experiencing this internal experience so that an external audience may understand.

Night in the Woods is a 2017 narrative driven adventure game by Infinite Fall. It follows two weeks in the life of Mae Borowski, a 20 year old cat suffering from severe anxiety who has dropped out of college and returned to her childhood home, an impoverished Western Pennsylvania mining town named Possum Springs.

There she moves back in with her parents and reintegrates with the rural community of Possum Springs. She spends time with her childhood friends, talks to the locals and tries to solve the mystery of a severed arm found in town. All while having vivid dreams on a nightly basis and dealing with the an ambient level of judgment from her parents, friends and community over her perceived irresponsibility.

Where Mae is trying to solve the mystery of the severed arm and the secret cult that hides within Possum Springs, the audience has some other mysteries to solve attached to the attitudes of some of the residents. Mae's parents and friends constantly pressure her to explain why she felt it necessary to drop out of college when so much was sacrificed to get her there. There is also "The Incident", a mysterious event in Mae's past, ominously hinted at when Mae's next door neighbor warns...

"No one's forgotten who you are and what you did, you know. Small town polite's all you got, kid."

The player is left in the dark as to the circumstances that paint Mae's reputation in town and throughout the course of the two weeks we begin understanding more about Mae's past, the circumstances behind her return to Possum Springs and the reasons those around her harbor a mild resentment towards her.

There are some potential supernatural elements relating to Mae's dreams and the nature of the cult but I feel it is best to stick to the grounded elements of the plot for the sake of this essay.

The Incident, it is revealed, is that 6 years before the game Mae beat another kid with a softball bat. Seemingly unprovoked. It earned her the nickname "Killer" and shaped much of the way people in the town, including Mae's own parents, view her.

"Why did you beat Andy Cullen?" and "Why did you drop out of school?" are questions people constantly demand of Mae and it forces her to become defensive and prickly to those around her. There's even a sequence involving a heated argument between Mae and her mother when the latter drops her kindness and patience over the matter and demands answers that Mae refuses to give.

To give the game away without fanfare, Mae suffers from extreme dissociation.

She's ashamed of it, afraid of it and the local town doctor, who I will discuss shortly, has no meaningful way of helping her deal with it. Mae is left to journal about her feelings with no meaningful way of understanding her symptoms or preventing them from crippling her. It is not even referred to as dissociation within the plot of the game, though those who are familiar with derealization will recognize it easily.

If you wish to see the conversation where Mae confesses her condition, it is about 4 minutes long and will provide some context, though I will brush over the description if you do not have time/ability to watch and listen.

Mae describes a time when she was playing videogames and felt an intense empathy towards the characters on screen. She felt like she knew them intimately and at a certain point something "broke", she came to understand that the characters she had been so connected with were not real. She was not actually connected with the events happening on screen, it was all a game.

And in understanding that she felt alone and abandoned on her side of the screen and the sensation spread out to the view outside of her window. The trees blowing by in the wind were as fake and distant as the characters in the video game. She had memories and attachments and associations with that tree, but looking at it from her window she could see that it was just a tree. Just an object.

"Just shapes"

This disconnect spread into every aspect of Mae's life and all of the associations she had built between herself and the world around her had vanished and she found herself in a world that she no longer felt attached to in any meaningful way.

"Just like this meaningless bulk of... stuff."

She felt alone. Abandoned. Overwhelmed by the simultaneous enormity and emptiness of everything.

The next day during the softball match she cannot even remember how it happened but she ended up ontop of the mass of shapes that was Andy Cullen and... that was The Incident.

Mae's family lost a lot of money paying off the medical debt for Cullen's family and everyone's attitudes towards her turned cold. She was sent to Dr. Hank for therapy... and this is where I take a break to discuss the causes of dissociative disorders and how badly Mae was let down.

The root causes of DPDR are the same as other dissociative disorders in that extreme abuse, neglect and continued stressful situations cause the mind to put up barriers and break associations to protect the self from harm. To boil a complex idea down to a few words consider the mind saying "This is not happening to me." as a way to prevent pain from an experience.

Where identity based dissociation focuses on the words "to me" and removes the self from the harmful events, derealization focuses on the words "this is not happening" and rejects the events outright, refusing to process the context behind what is happening.

Much of the game's story is told through implication and one must peel back layers in order to get a full story. At first glance Mae may seem like a normal young woman from a rural community in the rust-belt and question what could have been enough for her to develop a dissociative disorder.

First off, don't do that. No one owes anyone a justification for their condition and there is no such thing as "traumatic enough" to be valid for a diagnosis. What a person experiences is what they experience. But Mae is fictional and the core of her character is having an under-treated dissociative disorder. Half the reason I wanted to write this entry was because her depiction of it is deeply relatable and can be used well for teaching what goes into a person developing PTSD and dissociative disorders; most depictions seem content with sexual abuse or violent deaths.

For Mae, it's a lot more subtle and all too human. At least, for a cat in a world of anthropomorphic animals.

Mae's mother, Candy, never went to college and always regretted it. She feels like her life hit a dead end and she has remained in the mining town of Possum Springs decades after its mining industry faded out. She works as a receptionist at the local church, spends all day reading True Crime novels and had a number of miscarriages before finally giving birth to Mae, her "miracle baby".

Mae's father, Stan, was working with the mine when it closed down and has since been bouncing between job to job trying to keep his family afloat, especially after the medical expenses from The Incident, the subsequent remortgaging of the house and Candy's dreams of sending Mae to college. Stan tries to be a good father but hates his job, is always working and it is revealed he used to be an alcoholic.

Lastly you have Mae's Grandfather. He is dead before the game starts. Mae loved her granddad very much and his influence can be felt throughout the whole game. He would read to her, pay attention to her and teach her things. One of the game's DLC chapters even involves him reading Mae a bedtime story.

Also grandpa Borowski was a union man and collected the teeth of an employer who tried to abuse the workers. That doesn't really play in to my essay as Mae does not discover this fact until the events of the game but I am not going to go without hyping up a man for taking teeth.

Mae misses him so much that even 6 years after she was asked to keep a journal by Dr. Hank the first page reads "RIP Granddad" and as the game goes on the following can be found inside:

This information is drip fed to us through organic and relatable moments. For instance, Mae reveals her father's alcoholism while she is drinking too much (sidenote, she is underage for the location she lives) at a party.

The idea is to give a full and rich view of Mae's life and show that she may not even recognize the trauma for what it is and was.

For instance, we know from the start that Mae has crippling anxiety. This could easily be linked to the expectations of Candy putting her hopes and dreams of college on her "miracle baby". Before Mae was even born she had expectations placed upon her for being the long wanted child of a mother who wanted her baby to do all the things that she never could.

For neglect you have the fact that both parents are forced to work in abundance to maintain their lifestyle and pay for Mae's college in an economically depressed community. Mae spent a lot of her home life alone, feeling pressured by her mother and literally scared of her alcoholic father.

Both parents are good and loving and kind parents. But they failed in some regards. Sometimes you can want the best for someone you love and do everything you can to provide the best life and a failure to listen, adapt and accommodate can do more harm than anything.

Her grandfather eventually passed away, taking her positive links away in her home life and after The Incident she was ostracized from the community and forced into further isolation. Socially anxious, outcast and without her supportive grandfather, she eventually is given an opportunity to go to college. Something her childhood friend would have literally killed for an opportunity to do in her stead.

---and she drops out.

---and upon returning no one will get off of her case about it.

This damned statue did it.

A statue so loathesome to Mae that it appears in her nightmares and she relives the fantasy of smashing it to bits with a baseball bat.

If you watched the above video (or have played the game) you will know that the statue was made up of several shapes and was installed at Mae's college.

The sight of this statue terrified Mae to the point of which she would spend entire days holed up in her dorm room either not eating or gorging pizza and sleeping for days at a time.

Being away from the familiar sights and people of her home town made her dissociative symptoms go into overdrive. At home she knew that The Tree that had lost all meaning and association to her was still the tree that she played with when she was young. She knew that her parents are the people who raised her. Even when she saw them as "dead shapes" the memories persisted and she could endure.

At college it was nothing but strangers in a strange land and a statue comprised of shapes reminding her that everything was shapes.

But they sent her to therapy, did they not? Why wasn't she being treated?

Dr. Hank is a small-town doctor he is the physiologist, he is the dentist, he is the psychologist. He is the doctor. The only doctor and he has no idea how to treat someone with severe symptoms like Mae.

In town Mae can talk to a character named Selmers every day. Selmers is a self-styled poet with depression and also being seen by Dr. Hank. In discussing both mental healthcare treatment and depression with Selmers the player can learn that Dr. Hank treats all forms of mental illness the same. Essentially "journal until you feel better". The town lacks the structure and framework to provide help to someone like Mae.

In other words she has been untreated this entire time and removed from her support network and sent off to college, she could not handle things. Of course she was going to fail under those circumstances.

The game does a remarkably good job of displaying how DPDR can impact a person, especially as it is linked to anxiety and depression, and creates an empathetic narrative about what it must be like to live with that condition.

Sadly it offers little in the way of answers for treatment. In reality treatment involves psychotherapy and creating a structure of coping mechanisms for how to handle episodes and ground oneself. This can come in the shape of breathing exercises, kinesthetic sensation fixation, identification exercises ("name all of the blue items you can see" "name all of the items that begin in A") but above all else, getting a grip on what emotional triggers one has and learning to resolve them will help.

For Mae, being away from home is a trigger for her. Home isn't going to be the same place and people forever. She needs to be able to get on top of her symptoms in order to cope. Dr. Hank was not helping her with that.

The game ends on a bittersweet note that Mae may end up spending her whole life in Possum Springs purely from fear of leaving her zone of familiarity.

Unfortunately the narrative is about clinging to a dying town and how unsustainable it is.

We do not know what will happen next. The structure that failed Mae has only gotten worse in the 2 years since she left for college. Her parents may end up selling the house because they cannot keep up on the payments and on a long enough timeline Gregg and Angus will move away (should their relationship survive the effort to escape) leaving Bea and Mae to watch Possum Springs continue to decay.

Part of Mae's journey is accepting this inevitability and not fighting it, but choosing not to abandon the town regardless. After all, she can't stray from it without a risk to her mental health.

The game offers no answers. It simply shows a slice of hard reality for those who live caught in the trap of decaying towns, economic collapse and mental illness without support structures and treatment. but it does a very good job of providing an empathetic case that an audience can relate to and sympathize with the symptoms of.

But what about a game that tries to make the audience feel the same way that the character does...?

Metal Gear Solid 2 is a 2001 self-proclaimed tactical espionage action game developed by Konami.

It tells the story of a secret military operations agent code named Raiden who is attempting to save the US President from a terrorist group called Dead Cell. There is much more to it. But I am attempting to be brief.

Metal Gear is absolutely frustrating for me to write about in this essay series because their research tends to be fairly good but their sensitivity often comes off as actively malicious at best.

In terms of conditions, symptoms and sensitivity to emotional triggers, Raiden is on paper a fairly decent representation of dissociative disorders developing in those who grew up in war. In practice he has a murder alter named Jack The Ripper who breakdances with 3 katanas.

I promised I would stick to positive depictions only and so I will stick only to the final 2 hours of Raiden's first appearance.

At this point in the game the president is dead, we have learned that the terrorists were really after a giant battleship that houses a powerful AI which is going to be used to censor the internet to control the flow of information and control the populace. Raiden has met up with protagonist of the first Metal Gear games, Solid Snake, and has managed to install a virus into the AI system that will corrupt the data and prevent it from controlling the internet.

In order to get on the battleship, Snake betrays Raiden and hands him over to the terrorists.

Thus begins the final act of MGS2.

It is imperative to understand that these events happen in rapid succession right after the AI is infected with a virus.

Neither the audience nor Raiden are given an opportunity to truly process all of the rapid fire information that we are hit with.

MGS2 has a metatextual narrative about the nature of sequels and audience expectations. Many of the events happening within the story are intimately playing upon our familiarity with the series, recreating circumstances from both Metal Gear 2 and Metal Gear Solid. Part of the critique is that players are looking to simply recreate the experience of the first game and the narrative goes out of its way to punish Raiden (and thusly the player) for trying to "be" Solid Snake. Much of the game has been mired in failure and any wins we have received are either negated in a cutscene following our gameplay victory or are displayed as being ineffective next to Solid Snake who is forever being displayed as the better protagonist.

So when Raiden wakes up in a torture chamber directly designed to look just like the Shadow Moses Island torture chamber from Metal Gear Solid 1 (and both dialogue and graphics of that cutscene are displayed briefly) we, the player instantly assume familiarity with the concept. To drive that point home the player is forced to survive a button tapping mini-game which is sprung upon us out of nowhere (there is no tutorial. The game expects your familiarity with the concept and thusly does not need to explain it - as a side note it is impossible to die in this minigame, so a lack of familiarity does not impact gameplay, only narrative experience)

All while the only surviving villain from the first game directly says in dialogue "We're also inside the memory of Shadow Moses"

The cutscene also has Raiden face to face with the main villain who recognizes Raiden as a child soldier he helped raise to fight in an African conflict. For the first time we are able to view Raiden, view Jack as his own man outside of his similarities to Solid Snake. We find out he is a child soldier with an impressive kill record who was raised with other child soldiers, drugged and forced to kill in a conflict that he had no personal connections to. He claims "I was given a gun and told to shoot, if I refused then I was the one who would be shot."

Throughout the game, Raiden has been getting phone calls from his girlfriend, Rose, who serves as the mission analyst. When the villain, Solidus, reveals Jack's history she calls him to ask more about this and Jack at first pushes away the memories, claiming that "they" wiped his memories and that he experiences nightmares only to give a vivid and emotionally description of his experiences as young as 6 years old killing for no reason other than he was told to.

Rose attempts to comfort him, to say that she wants to share the burden of his past, Raiden refuses, blocking everything out and pushing Rose away, claiming that he cannot afford to start a family.

Children are a huge emotional trigger for Raiden. This is displayed heavily in the future games of the series.

Overall this is an extreme example of a backstory that would give an adult severe PTSD and forced to confront his past, Raiden is emotionally primed to have a complete dissociative break from reality.

But presently I am not writing about how Raiden experiences derealization. I'm writing about how the player experiences it.

We know that Raiden has been trained in virtual reality to prepare him for this mission. When we see cutscenes describing this we are shown footage of the previous Metal Gear games, particularly the virtual reality training missions from the PS1 game.

The implication is very much that Raiden has played the same games that we ourselves have. The Metal Gear Franchise has an interesting meta-narrative going on that displays games are released in order of declassification with an early conversation in MGS4 mentioning that the events of MGS3 (which takes place in 1964) were declassified recently in the game's present of 2014.

Raiden has played the Metal Gear games. We have played the Metal Gear games.

And the game itself is overtly recycling moments from earlier entries of the series and trying to highlight this fact.

Right after we put a virus into the AI.

Things got really weird from the moment we insert the disc to infect the system.

Escaping from the torture chamber our character is completely naked and runs to the next area. We are given a loading screen.

Ominous music plays and we receive a phone call from Campbell, the mission control from both this game and the previous Metal Gear games. He speaks with a distorted voice. He stutters, telling you that you must proceed with your m-mission. He notes that in your current condition you will not be able to attack or "enter the hanging mode"

He continuously spouts the mission objective and says your role is to take out the terrorists. Raiden demands to know why he keeps saying "role" and Campbell replies

Raiden then notes that he has never met Campbell in person. He has only spoken to him over long distance communication.

Should you return to the torture room the title card will be switched with the name of Japanese rail stations. If you pause the game you are treated to a "map" of Arsenal Gear:

The image is from Glauben, Wissen und Kunst der alten Hindus

All while Campbell calls you every few steps to order you to turn the game console off, recycle further lines from previous Metal Gear games (as well as show footage from them) and your radar is replaced with voyeuristic footage of a young woman sunbathing.

The enemies are now wearing thick armor with no humanizing characteristics and they fly about with inhuman power while wielding katana that can block machine-gun fire.

The floor has scrolling text floating across the surfaces something that the series uses for the VR stages to signify you are in a training stage.

The game is pulling out all of the stops to make sure you are confronted with the reality that you are playing a video game while the character within the video game is experiencing the same information.

He meets up with Snake who reveals he has the unlimited ammo bandana from completing MGS1, all but confirming this is a video game. Much of the information in this segment can be justified in-game. I literally cannot sidestep the fact that a flesh and blood man pointed at a piece of headgear and said "Unlimited ammo". I almost wanted to skip over it as it's devastating to my point about how the game tries to pull you and Raiden out of reality.

See to Raiden, he can no longer be certain if any of this is happening or not because of his experiences with VR. With everything collapsing around him, it feels reasonable to assume that the AI Virus is breaking down the universe around him. With full knowledge of the plot, we the audience can know that everything is happening and the virus has infected his augmented reality elements that make up the in-game HUD. But Raiden doesn't know that and the player on first playthrough cannot fully know it either.

It's almost reasonable to assume that the entire game is taking place within a VR Simulation.

Virtual Reality has long been studied as having links to DPDR with a number of scientific studies examining the link.

The connection is very much there though typically VR only influences a mild sensation of derealization when playing, though to those prone to dissociation they may experience more rapid and powerful effects with prolonged exposure.

Raiden tells Snake what is happening and how his grip on reality is falling apart, going as far to doubt whether his girlfriend, Rose, was ever real either. Snake has no idea how to verify for Raiden that the things that are happening are real and tells him to just keep moving forward and figure it out. He also provides Raiden with a sword.

In the metatext, this is a symbol for Raiden gaining his own unique playstyle. As long as he is emulating Solid Snake he cannot succeed but when he accepts himself as his own person and embraces his unique gameplay mechanic he is able to break free from the narrative and actualize as his own person.

In the sense of the derealization episode, it gives Raiden an opportunity to mow down the wave after wave of "Tengu Soldiers" who come after him and Snake.

Metal Gear is a franchise that doesn't like it when you kill people. Here it has handed you a sword and told you to go to town with an unlimited supply of anime ninjas. The game lightly insisting "it's a video game, it makes no difference how many people you kill" and to flaw the game's philosophy for a moment, the only penalty is a ranking when you beat the game. MGS3 is the one that actually hits you with consequences for in-game murder.

As Raiden stands on a platform with Snake the game continues to devolve and a custom Mission Failed screen appears, mimicking the standard game over.

Gameplay continues inside the small box that typically displays where you died, you can die on this screen.

You then fight 25 copies of the giant mech in a recreation of the photo area from the Metal Gear VR Missions and the world's most convoluted plot reaches its crescendo point with every character betraying everyone else before Raiden has to kill a cybernetic US politician with a sword for the first but not last time.

The sequence takes about forty-five minutes to an hour thirty depending on your play style. The plot is too much and has a layer of metatext on top of it regarding the nature of audience expectations and sequels along with a haunting premonition of what the internet would become.

There are a lot of reasons to praise and a lot of reasons to hate the ending of MGS2. Personally I adore it. But one thing that truly cannot be stated enough, especially back in 2001, is how the game intended to make the player feel during that final section.

It's not enough that Raiden was having a complete dissociative episode, losing grip on his reality, it's that the game was designed to make the player go through those emotions at the same time as the character.

I was going through a really rough patch at the time. It was a few months before I was kicked out, my ties with my mother had been cut off, my dad was in a ward and suffice to say where my head was at the time? The immersive dissociative experience this game offered worked like a charm. Though external factors had a lot of influence.

DPDR is weird in the sense that everyone dissociates. It's a natural and normal thing, but disorders that are born from an excessive amount of disconnect between the self and reality tend not to be relatable experiences. Displaying a character losing their grip on reality is not an easy thing to do.

When we see someone say "I don't know what's real any more" in a piece of media we have empathy for their situation but it's not easy to have the audience in the same mindset as them.

Another hauntingly good example is Perfect Blue which I will likely not discuss in detail in this essay series because the content is a little too dark and the depiction of Dissociative Identity Disorder is not flattering in the slightest.

But the movie does depict an actress whose reality is blurring in with fiction by having a series of interactions happen one after another and revealing that the entire scene was part of a television shoot, with every subsequent scene piling on the confusion between what is happening on camera and off camera.

I can think of other examples of characters experiencing derealization episodes. Some even have fairly good depictions of how someone can be driven to that point, such as the slowburn of Bojack Horseman Season 5 where a number of circumstances pile on until the title character has an episode. The problem is... every single depiction that is coming to mind right now ends in either stigmatizing depictions or violent outcomes.

Heck, even Mae and Raiden up there had violence attached to their dissociation.

If there's one thing I want to make clear as I go through these essays, it's that those who have mental illnesses featuring dissociation are usually trauma survivors and are far more likely to be the victim of violence than the perpetrators of it.

I'm happy with the two examples of derealization I've written about today, NitW for the realistic depiction of the origins and impact and MGS2 for taking the player along for the ride; but I'd still love to see an example where a break from reality did not end with blood.

Please send me an Ask if you can recommend any.

-

So... that about brings it to a close for my little ramble on DPDR. I've a few other entries in the essay series on the back-burner. Next will likely be a breakdown on how Umineko handles recontextualizing memories. I've gotten a few paragraphs of that drafted out already.

These essays are really a bit of self-indulgence for me, though so they happen when they happen.

Thank you for reading.

[strixcattus]

Some cosmology for the STP D&D-esque AU:

There are two gods that are pretty universally revered, the Shifting Mound and the Long Quiet. (The Narrator didn't, in-universe, intend for them to be known to the Construct's inhabitants... but things do leak through despite all intentions to the contrary.) The Shifting Mound is hailed as the goddess of growth, transformation, and death, while the Long Quiet doesn't have a domain of his own, rather standing as a counterweight to her—the pauses between her constant motion. These are the "sleeping gods," so called because, despite their widespread worship, they don't intervene in mortal affairs at all. It's thought they're currently going through a period of hibernation, but since they're so detached from the world it's hard to know for sure.

Then there are the Titans, entities with divine magic that live in a realm separate from the world. They're not exactly gods, since they didn't create any part of the world and don't really govern any aspect of it either, but they're hailed as such in communities across the world, and they can grant holy magic. Most people think that Titans and "gods" are one and the same, but in reality most Titans don't engage with the mortal world as gods.

Finally, there are demons, who are the same species as Titans, but live in a different realm. They're worshipped as gods as well, but less often, and they're generally less powerful than Titans. They, too, can grant holy magic to their followers, but fewer people are interested in this deal since demons are typically seen as more wicked. Both demons and Titans are capable of having children with mortal humanoids, but it's much rarer among Titans.

Clerical magic can be granted by either demons or Titans, or through catching a lucky break in worship of the Shifting Mound and Long Quiet. Warlock magic can also be granted by demons and Titans, as well as other, less widely-known entities. Generally speaking, if it's focused around spells the mage chooses to learn, it's clerical magic, and if it's focused around abilities the patron chooses to grant, it's warlock magic. Clerical magic usually also comes with fewer strings attached—generally the only requirement is that the cleric remains faithful to their god, while warlocks may frequently be called upon to carry out their patron's dirty work.

Titans, demons, and other entities include:

The Triad: A group consisting of the most powerful Titan, the most powerful demon, and their considerably weaker younger sister (half-sister to the Fury). The Apotheosis considers herself ruler of the Titans, the Fury considers herself ruler of the Underworld, and the Tower considers herself ruler of the mortal kingdoms. To what extent they can exert this power may vary—in particular the Tower is rarely known to mortals. The Eye of the Needle: A middling-powerful demon who left her realm to enter the mortal world in search of opponents who were more interesting to fight than other demons. She has a half-humanoid daughter out there somewhere, but they haven't spoken since the girl was old enough to take care of herself and set off on her own. Demons don't really do "family." The Networked Wild: An entity formed by the collective network of plants (among other aspects of nature) across the world forming a redundant brain with a capacity impossible for any mortal mind to truly comprehend. Its existence enables the existence of druids, and witches often tap into it as a source of external power. While it contains an impossible-to-determine number of minds (some of which are mortals attempting to tap into its wisdom by temporarily becoming a part of it, which rarely goes well upon separation), it is theorized that there is a single consciousness at the heart of the network, whose identity is unknown. The Wounded Wild: A nature spirit embedded somewhere within the western woods. She was forcibly cut from the Networked Wild a long time ago, and guards her location carefully, less her assailant return to finish the job. It's theorized that magic, particularly druidic magic, would behave unusually around her because of her separation from the rest of the Wild. The Razor: An entity just left of anything with a known classification. She's not any sort of spirit, humanoid, or semi-humanoid (which includes Titans, demons, and fey), but she is a powerful entity capable of granting a warlock pact if she finds someone interesting enough to sponsor. The Stranger: It's only rumor, but there have recently been religious sects emerging that believe in an earthly incarnation of the Shifting Mound, insisting that she is perhaps the first true god since the sleeping gods went into hibernation. Most people regard such groups as trying to take advantage of people's loyalty to the sleeping gods.

[talonabraxas]

Multidimensional Being Talon Abraxas

In order to operate in a multi-dimensional universe we require a multi-dimensional body – or more accurately, a series of bodies which enable us to operate in all the “realms” of human endeavour. These bodies are all inter-linked and inter-penetrate each other because each one is more subtle (or less physical) than the previous. Our subtle bodies are sufficiently integrated that we experience ourself as a single being. For example, we consider our minds, emotions and physical body as integral parts of our being. Our personality is composed of a monad or Self (point of awareness), a causal body (field of awareness), a mental body (intellect and creativity), an emotional body (emotions and desires) and an etheric body (life energy), all of which operate through a physical body. As we develop, the focus of our consciousness rises higher and higher through these bodies, and beyond into higher/subtler bodies that develop later.

The physical body allows us to move around and interact with things in this physical world. It is like a virtual-reality suit that converts everything we touch, see, hear, taste or smell into electrical impulses that can be perceived by our other subtle bodies and our “self” (monad).

The etheric body or energy body largely determines our physical health and well-being. Just as blood circulates through our physical body, subtle energy (chi or prana) circulates through our etheric body. The energy body is the template around which the physical body grows, so treating the cause (the imbalance) in the energy body can be more effective than treating the symptoms in the physical body – this is how alternative therapies such as acupuncture, homeopathy and reiki work.

The emotional body is the home of our emotions and desires, and its aura allows us to subjectively sense our environment. For example: when we walk into a room soon after people have been arguing we can sense the tension. Our emotional bodies emit emotions into the environment and can sense those emitted by other people. This explains the shared feelings and emotions we often experience in group situations, such as supporting our favourite sports team or protesting in a rally. The effect can be so strong that normally pleasant people can end up doing unpleasant things.

The mental body is the home of the intellectual, rational and creative mind. Thoughts are “objects” (thought-forms) that are created by the mental body. The physical brain is not the source of our consciousness or intellect; it is merely the organ that allows them to operate through the physical body. In fact, the brain is more like a relay station that links the mental body to the physical world.

The causal body is what differentiates humans from animals – we have them and animals don’t. The causal body performs four main functions in human beings:

It is the true home of the human self – where the monad “sleeps” between incarnations.

It is our personal storehouse of experiences and memories from all our incarnations.

It is the source of our abstract, conceptual and intuitive thoughts.

It constructs a link between our personality (lower self) and soul (higher self).

The causal body is commonly called the soul, but it is not commonly known that it divides into two at the start of each new life and only a small piece actually incarnates. In simple terms, a piece of the causal body detaches itself from the main causal body and incarnates into a personality and a physical body in order to experience life as a human being. The lesser causal body collects life experiences and, after physical death, returns to the greater causal body to add its haul to the storehouse.

[wraithdance]

I think it's nearly impossible for a writer to create a narrative without giving the character a pinch of personality, even if it might cause the reader to detach themselves from the story.

I understand creating featureless characters, with no physical description, but I find it incredibly hard to craft completely flat entities.

I think it also disrupts the relationship created with the canon character. What is the canon character even liking about reader at this point? Just their blind devotion, or the way they're being loved by them?

Yuck, no. It's depersonalizing. Reader is a human being with qualities and flaws, and they should be highlighted and inserted in the plot. I actually enjoy it more when it happens.

In the end, readers are just faceless OCs, most of the times.

But alas, the hypocrite that I am, I am new in the FF department and I still thrive on engagement. Reader inserts are clearly the hottest at the moment.

One day, when I will write only for myself, I'll probably use more OCs than readers. 😮‍💨

(sorry for the rant and the anon I'm a shy little bitch!!!! also, I hope this makes sense)

No omg don’t apologize, that’s why I have anon on! Plus I love to yap so lmfao. I’m so glad you sent this in because everything you described is the reason I’ve struggled so much with creating reader inserts!

This is my first time doing this kind of pov/blank character and it’s been a learning curve. For me with my career history and personal interests I need to know the why of a persons decisions. In every aspect the why is linked to the individuals personal history and world standing (whether economically, racially, instances of trauma etc.)

It’s actually why I struggle with writing my most popular fics Stray Dogs and Good boys (and even 5YP a bit) because the level of trauma I’m articulating requires an understanding of the source causes, and that starts from childhood.

So I’ve been so afraid people wouldn’t read because as you said I thrive on engagement too lmfao. There wouldn’t be a point in posting if I didn’t have someone to engage with!!

But anywho!! Thanks for responding to my questions it’s giving me stuff to consider!!