#destiny ninja 2 angst

[ratmanzhq]

I just found your steam siblings Au and I am in love with it ! Please forgive me for the many questions I have…

1. Would they sometimes use their other element unintentionally? For example, when Kai gets mad (if Jay flirts with his sister) the water pipes break

2. In Season 4 during the tournament of elements, would Chen only require one of the twins to steal both elements ?

I can imagine that the Ninja would try to keep that a secret but Skylor would figure it out while copying Kai‘s powers

3. Will the twins one day be able to use both powers at the same time ?

4. Season 5, will Nya create this big wave like she did in the final episode of that season or will Kai save everyone (or perhaps they do it together) ?

5.When Kai loses his fire, will that also lead to him losing his and Nyas water power ? And how will that arc with Aspheera affect them both

6. Will Kai be afraid of the ocean until he becomes one with the sea ? It feels like a better conclusion of his story with his fear of the sea ? Imagine he was always afraid of it because it has always called for him. He didn’t know what he was hearing or feeling but it scared him, until he under his destiny 👀 ( Am I thinking to mich about it ?!)

If you have read through them all, thanks for that ! I love your art and the au is great. Have a nice day ✌️

Oh man oh man oh man

I'm late, buuut

I like the idea, but in the show, they have to concentrate on using their powers and don't really have accidents like that(not that I remember). But in this AU, it would be funny as hell. Like neither can cook because the water evaporites, pans too hot and burn everything and so on. Only after they master their elements can they cook.

Maybe? That or he has like half of each power and needs both of them to have full fire and water, yknow. Chen would go mad scientist on them.

Well, they would be OP if they had both powers, so maybe not. The drama and steaks would be lowered, but in certain settings, they might. Or they only can use both powers at the same time together?

That whole plot in the season would be sooo different. But I like the idea they do it together as a ☆*Family Bonging*☆ moment.

Depending on if they both have the power or they have one power that zip zap between them like tennis. But I feel like they both have the powers, they can't just use it? So Nay would have fire when Aspirah takes Kais fire and the switch their roles (Kai is water ninja/Nya is fire ninja).

I loooove the idea Kai fears the ocean and then becomes the ocean. Like, it validates his fear?? Kinda?? He loses everything when he's the ocean, even if he did it to protect his Family. But he also accepts his destiny and isn't afraid of the ocean anymore? The drama. The angst. Love it. But hearing the ocean his whole life. Now that's an idea. Like fire powers are from Spijitsu mater Uno and water is from the big ass snake. And maybe that affects them! Fire and water in them in constant conflict Ugh. Love it

Thanx my fellow rat for the qustion

[mairitess]

form ba-7180, notarized // to be known, ch. 1

summary: Nya realizes her and Jordana have more in common than one might think.

a/n: idk this is just how I imagine what their relationship could be like ;-; i wish it were longer and paced slower but i'm not good at that! + also on ao3 and no longer just a one-shot! ch. 2 here on ao3

words: 1.7k

tags: angst, jaya mentioned, jordana characterization if it were up to me, and now it is up to me, nya pov, dr s2 spoilers, no beta bc idc

warnings: n/a

preview:

Nya would give anything – and gave up everything – to have her name remembered. She imagined Jordana was willing to do the same, evidently far more, for the same respect.

She imagined her face plastered over billboards across all the realms, grinning over a world wholly enlightened by her genius. She’d construct a high-rise to arch above Imperium to collect her novel works. Jordana would work her way down the floors each day, greeting her associates and meeting tours of aspiring young minds. And she’d remember each of their names – she swore she would.

Jordana was called every name under the sun but her own. She was bright and capable, cruel and jealous. So in the spirit of destiny and changing your fate, Jordana took control. She was spiteful. Who could blame her? For each project Jordana developed, Sora did one better. Unforgettable, brilliant, perfect Sora. Jordana became another body in the room, rifling through papers and screwing nuts and bolts, a nameless worker bee when Sora was there.

When Sora left, Jordana practically threw a party. Even if all she was getting was everything Sora left, Jordana crossed her fingers despite being a girl of science and hoped it would all soon become her own. No more Sora. Just Jordana, finally left to her own devices. Yet Sora kept haunting her, easily destroying the one thing Jordana crafted with pride for Imperium.

As “evil” as Jordana had become, Nya couldn’t help but feel, frankly, bad for the girl, the more she learned about her. Nya loved Sora so much, seeing so much similarity between them. But where Nya saw Sora like a little sister outgunning what she did at her age, Nya saw Jordana like an inverted reflection of her younger self. All three of them were so ambitious, so smart, so resilient. But what Nya felt unfortunately was shared just between her and Jordana was in what stood in their way. Sora, in all her early skill, was embraced and centered in Imperium’s ever-advancing development, even if it was in ways she hated and left. Jordana, even if she could keep up with Sora, would never compare.

When Kai and his friends first became ninjas, Nya went to unabashed depths to prove she was just as good, if not better. Her first proof of her excellence, though, was not attributed to her name – she was Kai’s sister. Then she was Samurai X. Then Jay’s girlfriend.

What’s in a name? For Nya, everything. Everything that mattered. She could conquer the world, defeat every Ninjago villain singlehandedly, and still get underestimated and go largely uncredited if merely referred to as Kai’s sister, or Samurai X, or Jay’s girlfriend, or the Water Ninja. That’s not to say Nya wasn’t incredibly proud to be those things – though she was most proud to be Samurai X, as she’d built the mech and its reputation with her own blood and sweat. But when the Fire Ninja was seen running through the streets, little kids would wait for him to finish whatever he was doing, then pull him aside: “Kai! You’re my favorite ninja!” The Ice Ninja would be out getting groceries, and fans would high-five him with the same corny saying: “Zane, you’re the coolest!” Everyone easily called out to the other ninjas by name. Not Nya. Rarely Nya. Maybe never, Nya.

The closest she’d ever gotten to profuse and total recognition and gratitude, she had to entirely give up her body and form. Why did it take losing her for the world to realize how much she mattered?

But Jordana… Every time Nya watched back fight footage between Sora and Jordana, she’d hear Sora say, “Who are you again?” Jordana would scream in frustration, her fighting reinvigorated. Nya understood Sora wasn’t saying that to egg on her foe, that Sora truly could not remember. But that seemed far worse than if it were part of encounter banter.

Nya would give anything – and gave up everything – to have her name remembered. She imagined Jordana was willing to do the same, evidently far more, for the same respect. How much worse it seemed to be forgotten rather than dismissed, to be fighting your own erasure to the point where you realize no one would remember you for your good works. Of course Jordana saw it fit that, if you wanted to truly be known, the only option would be to turn sides.

So Nya made it a point not just to remember Jordana’s name, but to remind her teammates of Jordana’s name, too. She saw it as an act of respect, even if Jordana wouldn’t ever know. Besides, underestimating your opponent was practically a cardinal sin in Wu’s teachings. Part of ensuring her team, her mentees, wouldn’t underestimate Jordana counted on them remembering her, and respecting what she was capable of. Maybe if Nya had felt more outcast by her brother and his friends, she would have had a far more similar path to Jordana’s thus far.

------

The ninja had found their way to one of the islands between Imperium and the Wyldness, chasing a lead in their hunt for Lord Ras, Jordana, Nokt, and Cinder. Though their stealth mission didn’t go as quietly as Lloyd had hoped – Lord Ras and Cinder ran off in opposite directions, splitting the team apart. Lloyd and Arin sprinted after Lord Ras; while Wyldfyre, Zane, and Cole went after Cinder. They’d seen Nokt for a moment, but he’d quickly disappeared, leaving Sora and Nya with Jordana.

“This will be fun,” Jordana laughed, adjusting her grip on her sword, keeping a steady eye on Sora. “Let’s kill the powers, shall we? Make it fair. I don’t want to make it too easy.”

Sora glared. “Easy for whom?” She retorted, only for Jordana to roll her eyes. “You’ll find out,” Jordana said. With that, she lunged at Sora, the tip of her blade easily missing Sora’s cheek as she dodged. “Maybe,” Sora snorted. “Or maybe not.” Sora spun the katana in her hand for show before slicing towards Jordana, catching the other girl’s sleeve with the sword’s edge. Nya watched on carefully as she surveyed their immediate surrounding area, making sure Nokt wasn’t still hidden somewhere among the foliage.

“You might have beaten me in class combat before, Sora, but I won’t let you do it again,” Jordana snarled, blocking Sora’s blows. “Again?” Sora asked, confusion spreading across her face. Her guard weakened slightly.

Jordana’s eyes suddenly glowed a bright red, as she brought her dao down briefly. “You know my name,” she said, low. “You know.” Sora shrugged, concerned. “Sorry. Really, I don’t.”

“Just remember me!” Jordana shouted brazenly, angling the hilt of her blade down toward Sora as she leapt at her. For a moment, Sora stood frozen, caught off by Jordana’s choice of words in combat, and was struck painfully to the head with a dense clunk. Sora cried out and Nya ran for her, blocking Jordana’s second swing as Sora managed to twist away, holding her head in her hands.

Then it was the famed mentor and her mentee’s nemesis, and Nya felt the weight of her wisdom acquired with age. It was the first time the two had truly faced off, and as sour as Jordana’s expression was, Nya didn’t want to fight.

“Please, Jordana,” Nya tried, deflecting each of Jordana’s bladed attempts at her chest. As practiced as Jordana may have been, Nya was far stronger and more comfortable with her golden spear. “You won’t win this. You can’t.”

Jordana was quiet, focused on finding a weak spot in Nya’s guard she could catch. So Nya kept talking.

“I know what it’s like.” “No, you don’t–” “I do, I swear. You are strong in your own right, Jordana, whether Sora is next to you or not. You don’t have to prove anything.” “Yes, I do! Nobody cares if you can do the job. They only care if you can do the job well,” she spat out. “That’s not true!” Nya pleaded. “It’s not true because it’s not about the job.”

Jordana’s swings slowed, and Nya took the opportunity. “You’re not what you do, Jordana. Who you are isn’t based on what you do.”

Both their swords lowered. Sora had managed to crawl over to a nearby tree and lean against its trunk, catching her breath, but her eyes were closed.

“Then… Then who am I?” Jordana whispered, her voice breaking. “Who am I if I have nothing to give to Imperium?”

Nya reached for the girl, instinct to comfort. She didn’t know what to say. Whatever propaganda Imperium citizens were receiving, its messaging was more ingrained than perhaps fixable in a night. Nya’s gaze drifted over to Sora, and her extended hand to Jordana came to a slow stop.

Why… Why didn’t she hit you with her blade?

“Oh, Jordana,” a familiar voice echoed all around Nya, and she felt her chest clench. “It’s not that deep. Truly. Besides,” he laughed, “you’ve done more than enough.”

Nya’s back felt like it was on fire as she was shot along the spine with a stun gun. She fell to the ground, all her limbs locked in place. “You follow through, Jordana. That’s all the Administration could ask for.” Nya was scared to look as the figure hoisted her up from behind, pulling her hands into handcuffs. “I’ll take her from here.”

His hands were warm despite the metal clinking against her wrists. She wanted to hold his hand.

“Sorry. Administrator’s orders,” he huffed, coming to her side to walk her towards the portal he’d come through. In Nya’s periphery, Sora was still breathing, but looked like she was passed out against the tree. Nya nearly yelled at her when she finally got a good look at the man dragging her.

“… Jay? Jay, it’s me –” “I know who you are. Jordana, let’s go.”

His grip was rough as Nya was pulled away, so much about him familiar yet everything wrong.

Jay’s voice was growing distant and fuzzy, but she heard him say, “Nice control there, Jordana. I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to handle it, but you did well. Good job.” He sounded as kind and proud as ever. It was almost soothing.

Sora forced herself awake again for a brief moment and tried to scream as she watched Nya disappear, but nothing came out, and her head was too heavy, and she had just enough sense to hit the emergency signal on her suit.

[dangermousie]

Let's meet my favorite kdrama cursed prince - Muhyul as portrayed by Song Il Gook in The Kingdom of the Winds

Or more specifically, this very long-ass post is my attempt to convince people to watch this ridiculously underrated 2008 sageuk.

Why? Is it politics? Complicated families, cursed destinies, battles, or more hurt/comfort than you can want? Nope, none of these. I have my priorities straight and it's official. Muhyul/Yeon is one of my favorite period OTPs.

Take one Cursed Prince (who does not know he is one, and is brought up as a slave), add in one capable Enemy Princess who saves his life, add in ninjas (yes I know ninjas are Japanese but I have no idea what the Korean equivalent term is and I am too lazy to type in secret assassins every time), poisonings, intrigues, and a lot of hurt/comfort and we are set!

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Muhyul. He was only a slave but what he did not know was that he was actually a Prince who was given away by his family at birth because he was cursed to kill his whole family, people he loved, and to top it off, to destroy his country. Despite it all, he was still super-hot.

In the enemy nation of Buyeo, there lived a Princess named Yeon, who was ladylike, kind, a skilled healer....also a deadly ninja.

Point 1: Heal captured slaves from torture. One day they might be the Crown Prince.

Muhyul first sees Yeon after he has been horrendously tortured by Buyeo troops. He opens his eyes to see a heavenly vision quite competently stitching him up, so to speak. It is love at first sight for Muhyul. And who could blame him. He knows that with the director's troubling penchant for h/c, he will need a hottie healer around.

Point 2: "Heal a hottie and he is yours for life"

Muhyul spends some free time drawing her portrait. Without knowing who she is or if he will see her again. If the whole slave/assassin/king thing doesn't work out, he can always make money as an artist.

Point 3: "It's not stalking when he's hot!"

Muhyul is on an undercover mission in the enemy country but he forgets everything when he sees Yeon walking by (btw, he assumes she is just a commoner doctor). I love how he sort of stops thinking of anything else at all.

And then he thinks of her at night...

And lo and behond, their paths cross again when she heals a slave in the house he is staying in.

And he introduces himself to her and she is totally mesmerized. Who can blame her, it's freaking Song Il Gook!

And "rescues" her from evil Byueo soldiers. Only, oooops, they were sent by her family as escort and she is piiiiiiiiissed!

"Why did she slap me, whyyyyyy?"

Still, be happy, boy! Despite it all, she bailed you out of jail for assaulting the Royal Guards :)

Awwww, Muhyul doesn't want to leave...

Point 4: You know what makes anything better? Torture and homicidal angst

Did I mention the part where Yeon's Dad runs an Evil Assassin camp where they experiment on slaves with poisons and torture them? You see where this is going? If you do, then you have the mindset of both the writer of this drama and myself.

Muhyul gets captured by them (after losing the only person he ever regarded as family, but that would drag us into plot and this post is about the shippy):

And tortured for a solid year. If he ever marries Yeon, that might make for an awkward family Thanksgiving. "So, how are you, son?" "Well, I almost regained the use of my arms!"

Anyway, Yeon is visiting Daddy and sees some slave being taken out, after they have tried poisons on him. It's Muhyul, so it's Yeon to the rescue! Man, no wonder he loves her - it's self-preservation on his part!

(this shot here is for troubling reasons)

And then Muhyul is drafted by evil assassins (long plotty reason) with the only alternative more torture. The training is psychotic and gets Muhyul near-broken utterly but as a side benefit, makes him even more hot. If now mildly psychotic. As you can probably figure out by the end of the drama he's so hot he's a supernova

Also, as I posted earlier, gorgeous armored men on their knees looking up at their OTP who is teaching them foreign language (because Yeon is an Evil Assassin trainer for daddy) and thinking of the fact that they are a slave and she is a Princess (which is something he found out only in the ninja camp) is pretty high on the list of my favorite things.

Plus, Yeon takes him out for fresh air and exercise that doesn't involve being hung upside down and being ordered to off oneself. Score! She even makes him smile.

This is hitting the cap limit for continuing in part 2 shortly...

ETA: part 2 here:

(99+) Musings of the Obsessive Kind on Tumblr

And part 3:

(99+) Musings of the Obsessive Kind on Tumblr

[knowledgequeenabc]

Ninjago Fic Rec Week: Day 3

I have not been making posts for this week because heehoo what is energy or time to remember what I’ve read BUT I have a few suggestions for today if not many. Enjoy First fic is Saturniidae, an older fic from ShinyShiny9, author of Fantastic Mr. Walker! Angst fic about the ninja team having outgrown each other post-s4, and the Ultra Dragon, and the dismay of growing up. Has a dark subplot with Kai that you’ll be familiar with if you read Fantastic Mr. Walker. It’s technically my fault this fic exists and I will never stop regretting/being thankful for that

My second fic is ALSO from ShinyShiny9, only posted on her deviantart and flagged for mature themes, so you will need to log in to read it. ^^; but if you’re willing to do that, Two and a Half is a deceptively angsty fic about Lloyd’s favorite number and all the ways it’s served him through his life, and what the Golden Master prophecy means for him in Rebooted.

I’m going to be that person and toot my own horn just because I’m genuinely proud of this fic but if you can handle eye horror, See No Evil is a dark Kai fic about a mission in a rural forest gone wrong due to supernatural reasons. Comes with pictures!

My main purpose for making this post was to rec Shiny’s fics so now I’m struggling to add to this post without adding the Fandom Greats that everyone will probably recommend already, because my memory sucks, buuuuut...

I’ll start this next one by saying that I would recommend basically all of @scrambledfluffmuffins fic (Dr. Fluffmuffin on FFN)’s repertoire of fic, for their lovely, nuanced takes on all the characters, from the main 6 to Wu and Garmadon! In keeping with the angst theme, I am specifically recommending In Warm Colors for a delicate but devastating exploration of grief in the wake of Kai’s death.

Genuinely unsure how to summarize this one, but Whisper is a long, epic tale of the ninja and their fight against darkness, with extensive lore and magic. Lots of deep moments to let all the ninja shine, but Kai and Nya in particular play a huge role.

@lloydskywalkers is an author who needs no introduction, but presented with the chance to terrorize you all with some of her less-known fic, I can’t refuse. Introducing the fic that literally gave me a nightmare, fears is a bad-end AU of season 2′s finale. Lots of angst, lots of death. Lloyd is a broken boy.

This untitled oneshot by her is also an extremely good angsty fic exploring Jay’s psyche after he runs into Cliff Gordon but fails to speak to him until after his death. :’) Wonderfully painful

This is a whole SERIES but I still recommend it; the Remember series by Bluepaw265 documents Kai’s journey, trying to keep his family alive through each foe they face, and the difficult path with Lloyd as their destinies drive a wedge between them. It’s hard to summarize, but the writing style is light but gut-wrenchingly effective.

struggling to think of anymore I am so sorry almost all of these are on ffn but that’s how you know I’m Old

[grayskythunder]

AU where show Lloyd accidently ended up in another dimension where the Lloyd (spelled Loid for the sake of organization for this au) there never got dropped off at the boarding school and was raised by Misako and knew about the whole destiny thing the whole time

He never freed the Serpentine so in turn literally most of the show's events never happened except the final battle and now they get to live happily helping the police sometimes and bonding together over the years missed. Yeah also tomorrow's tea never happened

Loid isn't as close with the other ninja but still cares and respects them all. Everyone is also less skilled than the show ninja since they didn't have to deal with yk Overlord part 2, chen, morro, etc. (Even nadakkhan cause clouse wasn't there to release him) Loid is the only one who's close to the skill level of the show ninja. He's been raised lovingly and had a good education in everything really and still loves his father even with the prophecy

Lloyd is forced through a very strong version of the traveller's tea portal and ends up in Loid's world. He's already heavily injured and minorly stabbed from the fight beforehand and is barely conscious when the other ninja find him.

He's healed by master wu and kind of rambles for a bit about what just happened until he slowly realizes this isn't his world. Master wu is pretty shocked and Lloyd is freaked out upon seeing Loid. (Loid's hair is the same color as young Garmadon's) he almost passes out when he sees his father again, the same as he was during season 3.

They talk it through but the au is mostly meant for angst on Lloyd's part! (Seeing Loid live in a seemingly perfect world and family compared to his) also mostly conversation based because I want to explore the different dynamics everyone will have with each other!!

That was my ramble!

[raylaui]

A Masterpost? In this economy?!

You can call me ray!

Sona ref

Mostly posting turtles right now but I'm also a fan of Destiny 2, Treasure Planet, Jak & Daxter, & Star Wars

This is my art blog. Likes, most reblogs, and follows are from my main -> tumblr.com/controlled-spontaneity

Please note! While the only things I post and engage with are wholesome family stuff and some action/angst, * I am an ADULT *

Proship/t-cest DNI !!! You're NOT welcome! Respect the boundary and see yourself out ! >:[

- - -

RoTTMNT inspired Playlists

Paint the City Green

Raph - Donnie - Leo - Mikey - April - Casey Jones - Casey Junior

- - -

RayLaui on AO3

Post ROTTMNT the Movie fics (All in the same AU)

The Echo or The Answer? (completed)

Common sense said the stages of grief were coming in the wrong order. Common sense said that the Krang trapped there was ruthless in revenge as he was in conquering worlds. Common sense said that after two days there was little left to hope for. Common sense said it would be wise to let this go, let Leo go and honor his memory by living a good life. The very thing Leo sacrificed everything for.

But Leo wasn’t common. And neither was Mikey.

Mikey would rip apart the universe for his family. No matter what it cost.

-> Playlist

-> Art : 1 - 2 - 3 - comic - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

But Who Will Carry You? (in progress)

Finally, Raph thinks, they can settle and stay away from danger for a little while. But you can't plan for what your enemies are up to. And you can't control which wounds heal, and which ones are permanent.

AKA: Raph and Donnie face the lingering consequences of what it means to be under Krang control.

-> Playlist

New Strain on the Block (COMING SOON)

April gets mutated? Baby turtle OCs and reluctant Dad Draxum? More likely than you think.

Colors in the Sky (Coming Soon-ish)

Leoichi friends to enemies to friends to ???? Leo and Yuichi have to make a reluctant journey together to find a cure before it's too late.

Constellations of the Colossus (Coming ... eventually)

Rise Space Arc. Because reasons.

Do Not Mourn the Butterfly Weed : An OC centered fic 17 years AFTER the movie idk maybe this will be something

- - -

Teenage Mutant Ninja Neko

- My own TMNT iteration - Basically TMNT what What If ... Cats

Chapter 1 : Coming Soon

Prologue : 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

- - -

Turtles & Co. refs (in my syle)

Raph - Donnie - Leo - Mikey - April

Splinter - Draxum

?? - ?? - ?? - ??

ROTTMNT oc's

Nike (Andonika) - Spike

Lyko - Aria - Arbu

- - -

[culxiaa-fn]

I will NEVER forgive NTT Solmate for discontinuing Wizardess Heart and Destiny Ninja 2 for Obey Me!

[MY OPINION] both Wizardess heart and Destiny Ninja have a better plot compared to Obey me... I have played Obey Me since day one and when I realized the plot doesn't move forward it just got so boring so I deleted it... I miss Liz and the gang so much...

Obey Me just doesn't have a plot??? Passed lesson 16 it just goes round and round and never moves forward... Also their "problems" are never serious... I want serious plot and the angst

And SOME of the fans act like the plot is 100/10 NO I assured you that their old game has a better writing and plot.

[kishimotomasashi]

Sasuke

Send me a character and I'll tell you:

First impression:

I first met him through a Naruto game on the nintendo DS my friend let me borrow and so my first impression was entirely related to his abilities in the game. Which I thought were pretty lame. It was Naruto Ninja Destiny, I believe. So I wasn't really interested in him at all I just vaguely knew he "turned evil" because I saw him in the Akatsuki cloak and I was like "oh, his evil older brother corrupted him? that sucks"

Impression now:

My baby boy forever. I will see characters come and go and will have many phases but Sasuke will always have a special space in my heart.

Favorite moment:

I think the entire moment where he's speaking to the Hokage he made Orochimaru revive. Not only because it was such a great moment of character growth for him, a decision he made without like 3 awful adults manipulating him into it at once, but because it was honestly kind of funny, too. Imagine going up to the God of all Shinobi and saying "btw, my brother is better than you". Sasuke physically cannot stay three minutes around an adult without disrespecting them.

Idea for a story:

One day I'll write that Team Taka character exploration longfic and then it'll be over for you bitches.

Unpopular opinion:

It's twenty twenty TWO put the anti-Konoha/Sasuke-was-right essays down. We get it. Everyone gets it. Most people agree. I agree. I don't need to see the same 5 posts I've been seeing since I logged onto this website in 2016 anymore, talk about something else oh my GOD.

Same goes for the fucking shipping discourse, everyone stop arguing about sasunarusasusakunaruhina or whatever and join me into SasuGaa and PolyTaka nation

Favorite relationship:

I guess still his relationship with Itachi? I'm soft for their childhood flashbacks but I also like exploring Sasuke's feelings on him after he learns the truth about him + after their final moments together. Meaning it depresses me to think about it and apparently I can't get enough of Sasuke angst. It's just a really fucked up sort of attachment and I'd like to imagine how he ends up dealing with it and growing out of it so it doesn't hurt him anymore :(

Favorite headcanon:

I have two faves:

1- Sasuke used his sharingan to study theory while under Orochimaru in order to memorize things more quickly + to train himself to get used to using his sharingan at the same time. So now he knows a lot of random trivia that is basically useless to him by heart. It only serves him when once in a blue moon he hears someone say a fact about one of the very specific topics he knows about and he's able to tell them that they're wrong.

2- Sasuke does not listen to rock/punk/metal or any of the genres people say he does because of the emo stereotype. Everyone else on Team 7, however, does.

[destinyninjatrash]

So after a million years I got Yayoi's happy ending and uhhh ngl this kinda messed me up (specifically that last screenshot), this game pains me sometimes but at the same time it's so good so I voluntarily put myself through it lol

- Admin Hyosuke 💛

[shall-we-imagine]

Through thick and thin. (ShiroyaxReader *AU*)

Requested: 46. "Dance with me." + 48. "Why are you crying?" From this prompt list. Also it's perfectly fine don't worry about sending another it's good you clarified cuz I almost wrote for the wrong prompt list 😅

Genre: Fluff/Angst

(Third person point of view)

Fingers curled in a delicate fist, the princess knocks on the glass window. She secretly sent a wish to the god above that her boyfriend wouldn't ignore her for some sleep or worse- knock her off the ladder while overenthusiastically opening the window.

After a few seconds of no response, she brings her soft knuckles to the cold, glass barrier once more. "Come on, Shiroya." She mutters under her breath.

The sound of shuffling, followed by a loud thud brings a grin to her face. Due to it being dark in his room, she couldn't see what was going on inside, but the scene including her goofy lover falling off the bed wasn't foreign to her at all. She could see it all in her head.

A few moments of silence follow, making the brunette fear he merely decided to finish his beauty sleep on the floor, but just as she considered knocking again, the window flings open.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing her boyfriend flung.

In a rush to avoid the baseball bat, (Y/N) ducks, immediately losing her footing on the ladder. A squeal escapes her lips before she regains composure along with the help of the reason she almost fell in the first place. Shiroya had managed to catch her arm, adding more balance for her to stand straight.

"Thanks a lot for that, ninja-san." She mockingly tilts her head forward; she would've given a full 90 degree bow if she weren't trying not to fall and break her neck.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Shiroya laughs, helping her inside his dark room through the window.

"Yes, I'm the one that almost knocked myself off the ladder with a baseball bat." She nods. Amusement and disbelief glimmer in his eyes; not wanting to give in to her tactics, he looks away, hiding his grin.

"I meant I wasn't expecting you today; shouldn't you be preparing for the ball or something?" Tension spreads like fire; she'd almost forgotten the reason of her surprise visit.

The princess laughs nervously, "Yeah, about that.."

"Yeah?" Shiroya may be the biggest dork you could meet, but he wasn't stupid. He immediately caught on to the fact that something is wrong.

She blinks away the tears beginning to well in her eyes, "You know, it's actually not that important; I'll tell you later. There are other things we need to do now." She gives him a mischievous smirk.

It's clear the boy remained sceptical, but he didn't find it necessary to press the matter if she doesn't want to talk about it now, so he gives in with a matching smirk. "What things?" He wiggles an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing dirty, you pervert." (Y/N) pokes a finger at his chest. "Come on; change into something presentable and follow me." She begins exiting the window the same way she came in.

"But there's a perfectly good bed here- and you're already out, okay." He stops protesting with a sigh and follows his girlfriend down the ladder after changing out of his pyjamas.

"Where to, m'lady?" Shiroya bows down, a teasing grin plastered across his face.

"You're such an idiot." The princess shakes her head in content disbelief. "To an adventure of a lifetime!" She dramatically throws her fist into the air, earning laughter from her companion.

"Off we go then!" He links his arm with hers.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"You sure this is a good idea?" He takes his eyes off of the convenience store to stare at his girlfriend in uncertainty.

"It'll be fine, Shiroya; don't be a pussy." She smirks and marches past him and into the store.

The main reason she'd picked this specific store was because of how old it is- same goes for its owner. In fact the owner is so old, she doubts he even knows how to use a cellphone. The only step he'd taken towards keeping his store safe was the giant security mirror hanging at one corner of the store.

She struts towards the owner confidently, pretending to browse items along the way. She doesn't react when she hears her boyfriend enter the store and walk to a different, more hidden aisle of the store, but a few seconds after it, she proceeds to walk to the cashier and smile at the grumpy man behind it.

"Could you help me out with something?" She begins directing the man's attention to herself and not the giant mirror, for example. She just hoped her boyfriend wouldn't do something dumb and get them both arrested; it wouldn't do her any good if her face was all over the news for stealing. Her father would never let her hear the end of it.

After multiple hopefully subtle glances behind her, she could finally see Shiroya was done. "Hey, I'm sorry, but where did you say the m&m's were again? Could you show me?"

Frustrated by the amount of unnecessary conversation the girl whose real identity he'd never guess was making, the owner sighs but complies anyway, probably in hopes to get rid of her as soon as he could.

She follows the old man to a different aisle, queuing Shiroya's exit. The sneakiest of all, Shiroya, had stuffed some items into his shirt and took off running outside the store. The princess silently prayed for the street to be as empty as it was before they went inside, because if not, they'd be in huge trouble to say the least.

"Just who takes off running after sneakily stealing something from a store?" The princess laughs before placing a gummy bear into her mouth.

"I panicked, okay?" Her boyfriend blushes.

"It's good no one saw you, and we made it here safely." She sprawls onto the grass, taking in the beautifully dotted sky.

"Yeah." Shiroya follows.

A few moments of silence pursue; it was normal to Shiroya by now, since he and the princess had gained a habit of lying down to gaze at the sky, but he knew something wasn't right the second he heard her take in a sharp breath.

His head jerks to the side, panic taking control of him quicker than he'd like. "What's wrong?! Why are you crying?"

She sits up; giving no answers, she continues to sob into her palms. Shiroya could do nothing but hold her close to him, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly in hopes she'd calm down.

"It's okay. We can fix it; whatever it is, we can fix it together, remember?" He assures gently.

The princess's sobs merely get more violent, but her shaky hands find their way to the front of her boyfriend's shirt. She clutches onto the fabric tightly, sincerely scared of letting him go.

She takes a few deep breaths to steady herself, but it all fails her when she tries to speak, "They want-"

Her sobs fill the air. Shiroya's panic could only increase by now; he didn't know what could possibly do this to his girlfriend, who's always glimmering with joy and mischief, but he knew if it would break her like that, it wasn't gonna do any less to him.

The princess began to mumble; most of her speech sounded like gibberish to Shiroya, but a few comprehensible words already gave away the reasond of her misery. Marriage. I don't want to. I love you.

Shiroya visibly trembled at the thought of having to give up the princess for a royal wedding, but he couldn't let her down; he couldn't be discouraged so easily. He fights the urge to break down in tears and curse the universe out for his own misfortune. Instead, he puts his every bit of energy left in him to keep a positive and comforting attitude. His voice audibly shaky, Shiroya hugs the princess tighter and speaks up, trying to keep the quivering of his lips to a minimum. "We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out like we always do. It's okay." To him, it felt like he was assuring himself more than anyone, and perhaps he was, but he couldn't afford to break down- not now, not here.

And for a while, they silently held each other, wishing the world would go away along with their problems, leaving nothing but their happiness and love to prosper.

"We'll figure it out." She finally looks her lover in the eye. "We always do." She nods.

"Yeah." He gives a weak smile.

The princess tears herself away from Shiroya's embrace. She gets up and smiles at him, extending her arm towards him. "Dance with me."

It takes him a few moments to recover and react; he was used to his girlfriend's spontaneous behaviour, but he hadn't expected anything at this very moment.

But, surely, he takes her hand and gets up. "No music?" He teases.

"I am the music, Shiroya." She beams, placing a hand on his shoulder while the other tangles itself with one of his hands.

Shiroya's free hand reaches her waist, gently pulling her closer to him. And soon enough, her soft voice pleasantly captures his heart for the billionth time. Their bodies sway gently to the melody she effortlessly brought upon them, hypnotizing him into only focusing on her in that moment and nothing else. No problems, no pain, just the beautiful woman he'd somehow won over.

He eventually joined her singing, and even though his voice couldn't compare to hers, he could see the happiness she felt in his actions, and that was enough to keep him satisfied. It was the only thing he could hope for, to always see that happiness dancing in her eyes.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days! I know you're the best person to go to for some NH fic recommendations. Can you share with us really angsty NH fics? I've read White Lillies, that amount of angst is revitalizing I LOVE IT!!! big thanks!!!

HELLO

For how fluffy NaruHina is, there SURE ARE A LOT of shippers who LOVE NARUHINA ANGST.  I’ve been asked for angst recs far more than any other type????

I will now compile every angst fic rec I’ve ever made into one long list.  (folks can see if there’s anything I’ve missed 🤓)

NARUHINA ANGST

“A Place In The Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Rated M for smut and depictions of violence, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her.  He’s not enough to save her, either.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that?” (One-shot) and its follow-up “On Any Given Day” (Long One-Shot) by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“For the Future” by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata understands this better than anyone else. Naruto is easy to love.  (I actually just hate the ending a lot.  That’s what puts this on the list).

“Gilded Butterflies” by Kid Crisis - Rated M for depictions of violence, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Tenshi, beautiful prostitute of the Villa, realized from a very young age that people seem to do nothing but empty her, and not even Naruto seems capable of convincing her otherwise.

“Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Rated M for smut, substance abuse, PTSD, and depictions of domestic violence and non-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” (Naruto’s POV) by @katarinahime & “Medicated” (Hinata’s POV) by @szajnie - Rated E for smut, substance abuse, mental illness, and depictions of violence, self-harm, and attempted suicide, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother’s advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto’s life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around’ is truly hardly around at all?

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M for depictions of violence and character death, Mystery/Crime High School/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

“21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E includes dub-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Anonymous internet friends decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“June - Honor/Sacrifice” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto marries Hinata, the girl of his dreams.  If only she loved him back.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty…but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Because I Love You” aka “Arranged Marriage AU Take 2″ (Same fic) by @magmawrites - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. A canon divergent fic in which The Last never happened and Hinata Hyuga was promised to another.

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What’s to say what’s real and what isn’t? The only thing that’s valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Dreaming of AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M for implied suicide, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto dreams of her. He grows to love her. Dreams are nice. Too bad reality is a nightmare. (Most likely a continuation of the Asylum AU.)

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“The Path We Walk” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. With his memory of the past five years missing, Naruto never expected to be married to Hinata, and now he must navigate through the maze that is their life together with no memory of how he got there.

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“My Escape” by @marimare-writes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto wakes up from a coma with no recollection of life after graduating the Academy. Hinata, anxious and with a secret that will change both of their lives, struggles with what to do.

“Consolation Prize: Through Her Distorted Mirror” by mysterious intentions - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Her love is taken lightly, as if her heart could change so easily.

“Good Luck” By LovelyLori - Rated T, Flowers/Ballet AU, Two-Shot, Complete. A Japanese ballet company arrives in Naruto’s town.  Can love transcend language barriers? (I spent HOURS looking for this one, it totally breaks my heart.)

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee.  And he’s not moving on.

“Sincerely, Uzumaki Naruto” by @bkgsbby​ - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. After his wife leaves him a week after giving birth to their son, Naruto moves back to Konoha. He adjusts to life as a single father, with the help of his friends and surprisingly, his old crush.

“Road to Redemption” by averagejane497 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, especially concerning the women he loves. Maybe this time he can get it right.

“You’re the One” by AnimeloverNUMBA100 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. After 4 desperate years, Hinata finally asked Naruto out. He decides to give her a chance, but his feelings for Sakura has never faded. Hinata is slowly losing hope as time goes on…and she soon chooses to leave him.

Untitled by @randomprose - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Prompt: Hinata finds out that Naruto told Minato that Sakura is his girlfriend.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it.

“The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

“Duplicity” by GoldKing - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Uzumaki Sakura wants to know why Hinata’s children are blond.

“My Favorite Night” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata harbors deeper feelings for Naruto after three years of being his roommate. When he starts dating Sakura, Hinata decides it’s in her heart’s best interest to turn the other way, and leaves Naruto for good with a heart-breaking secret in tow.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which…Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

“Blurred Lines” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Police / Cops and Robbers Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Detective Naruto Uzumaki is having a hard time staying focused at work due to an elusive, dark-haired beauty.  (Starts off fun and smutty, grows angsty).

“I want you to cry” and its sequel “Road of Tears” by Devahhole - Rated E for graphic murder, dub-con/non-con, and smut, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

“Absolute” by @ssa25 - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. She was his kind, shy and innocent friend. Until she wasn’t. He was her pure, beautiful and unrequited love. Until he wasn’t.

I’m very glad that you enjoyed my “White Lilies” fic!!  Here’s everything I could think of for you to cry or stress out over.

SAD READING 😢

[ness-plays-ninjas]

And so the saga of ridiculous ways to reveal the angst fate begins

[midnight-the-goth-artist]

Friends on discord were making their art summaries of 2020 and I decided to make my own

This year was basically the year of OCs-

I’d say I’m proud of my progress this year and I can still continue that improvement in 2021 :D

2020 has obviously been a chaotic year for us all, but I did get some good out of it; I finally left a toxic fandom and instead rejoined the KND fandom, I’m (slowly) starting to make animatics, and met some amazing people (both irl and online)!

Along with this, I want to make a few shout outs:

@mkayeatsspaghetii — my best friend irl, my dude, my Annus to my Unus, I am proud in not only your improvement to draw but as well as your improvement to animate. I always love hearing about your OCs and your own original stories, plz keep it up! Whenever I rejoined the KND fandom I basically dragged you down into the pit with me for awhile and I’m not sorry XD

@ra1nb0w-ph0en1x — My TKD buddy, I’ve known you for about two years now and I’m extremely honored to call you my friend!💜 I adore your art and am extremely happy to hear that you’re moving forward as a black belt! :D I know where we met wasn’t a very happy time, but I’m still happy that even after we left a certain fandom we could still talk and be friends. I’m really hoping I can meet you in person one day!💟

@ohlookanothercartoontofallinto — Your art style is adorable and I’m in love with your OC, Lisa (protect at all cost)! And I never say it enough, but also thank you for inviting me onto the KND discord (I honestly have no idea why— I’m a loser compared to everybody else there) I know we don’t talk a lot, but just know I appreciate you a lot!💖

@fallen-gabrielle — Your Uno bros and angst content feeds my soul and I love the times ranting about every small detail involving that chaotic demon family. It (strangely) brought me comfort knowing I wasn’t the only one that can go crazy over the Uno family and I am extremely happy I met you! ✨💙✨

@destiny-126 — I know we don’t talk a lot bc my shy ass is too scared to start a conversation without me thinking I’m annoying you You dragged me into 2 pits: The “Love for the Teen Ninjaz” pit, and the “No Straight Roads” pit (and thank you for it). I adore your art sm and I always look forward to seeing your content! ✨Your Teen Ninja ask blog really helped keep me entertained during quarantine and your Neon J and 1010 family content is only dragging me into the NSR fandom more- (I’m still listening to the 1010 cover as I’m typing this bc of you- adyjfj)

@socksandbuttons — I know we don’t talk a whole lot bc same reason: my shy ass is too scared to say anything but I still want you to know I admire your art (both digital and tradional)! You’re slowly dragging me into the Fusionfall fandom and idk what to think about it XD. But I’m hoping I could get a chance to know you better in 2021 ^^

@sneakystarstruckspyzineprofessor — I don’t say this enough, but I love that mini fanfics you make and thank you so much for being one of the people that supported my KND content from the beginning! I helped me continue my content forward and motivated me to keep going! Thank you sm! ❤️

@madamas-blog — I’m in love with your Sector Metor and your OCs (especially Chubbs, Numbuh 8L and Creed) and I’m really excited to see the next chapter of your GKND story! And thank you for also supporting my KND content from the beginning, it means more than you’ll ever know! ❤️

@luci-moon — I know we don’t talk a lot, but I absolutely ADORE your art and headcanons, and thank you so much for your support on my space boyfriends (Leon and Nigel) as well as my other OCs. I always love seeing your 1x274 and 1x5 content and more! I have noticed you’ve been offline for awhile, but whenever you come back I just want you to know that I really want to become friends!💖

If I didn’t mention you, please don’t think it was anything personal, I just don’t know how much I’ll be able to type before this list becomes longer than I want it to be😂😅 but just know I love you and appreciate you all!✨🖤💖

In conclusion; to everyone new and old who have stuck with me through this crazy, chaotic year, thank you so much and I hope 2021 is amazing for all of you! ✨🖤💕🎉

~Numbuh 333✨🖤

[lloydshoulddyehishair]

I think I’m lost [1/3]

Remember the angst oneshot I was working on? It turned out to long so I decided to turn it into a multichapter fic

Also posted on: ff.net, ao3

Summary:  He was thin. Oh, so thin Kai feared that if he went to hold him he might snap him in half. His once so shiny emerald eyes were barely anything like they'd been before. They were so empty and dull, holding no joy or hope behind them like how they used to. Like how they still should.

aka

Lloyd hadn't felt at peace for a long while. Ever since the Sons of Garmadon had made themselves known to be exact.

Trigger Warnings: Eating Disorders, Drug Use, Self-Harm, Referenced Abuse/Suicide/Abandonment

Lloyd hadn't felt at peace for a long while. Ever since the Sons of Garmadon had made themselves known to be exact.

Back then none of them would have expected things to escalate the way that they would later on. They all had just thought that they were just a silly little biker gang that they'd be able to stop in a matter of weeks.

They didn't expect that in the end half of the team would be stranded in another realm being hunted down by dragon hunters and the other half would still be in Ninjago being hunted down by the purely evil resurrected Lord Garmadon and the Sons of Garmadon, all while mourning the “deaths” of their friends and trying to save the almost completely destroyed city.

Ninjago never recovered completely from the destruction Garmadon had brought upon them. Of course most places were rebuilt but there were still huge holes in the streets from where the Colossi stamped it's feet into the concrete – those were things Lloyd could overlook though. What he couldn't overlook were the overfilled hospitals and orphanages. So many people had lost their lives, so many people he couldn't save.

And in a sick way it was almost funny. It was very ironic – Harumi created the exact thing she despised. She wanted to give Ninjago a proper ruler but in reality she just gave it more people who shared her pain.

But maybe that was her plan all along; making everyone feel the way she felt.

Now Lloyd was sitting at the window of his room on the newly rebuilt Destiny's Bounty – thanks to the Mayor and the city – staring at the grey clouds they passed through while listening to the thunderstorms. He had always loved thunderstorms, they seemed so full of rage but yet so calm.

'Much like yourself.'

Lloyd shook his head a little, letting the pen he had been holding in his hand fall to the ground while looking through the drawers of his desk. Finding his lighter, papes and the tiny green substance that had been making his days all the more easier.

For his whole life – which he wasn't quite sure how long it was because he didn't even remember his birthday anymore, was it in September or in October? He really didn't know – he never had healthy coping mechanisms. As a little kid, before the others had picked him off the street, he would just start to eat sweets when the sadness and pain he felt became unbearable, when he thought of his parents or Darkley's for example. Then when he lived with his uncle and his students he made it a habit to just refuse to eat. He felt unworthy of the food they offered. He had made them go through so many hardships and made their lives living hell. He really hadn't understood why they would take him in. But besides the others needed it more they were Ninja after all and needed to get as much energy as possible.

It was back then when the team slowly picked up on his unhealthy habits.

As he grew up because of the tomorrow's tea incident, whenever he would feel down or depressed he'd train as hard and long as he could, telling himself that it would make him stronger and his family proud. He barely noticed that he was actually just draining and destroying his body.

All the time his friends – his family said nothing. Always thinking his behaviour was just a phase and he'd grow out of it. Maybe they should have.

Now after everything that had happened, him losing his uncle, his team splitting up over the whole realm with him taking on all criminals in Ninjago alone, the Sons of Garmadon popping up, Harumi turning out to be the Quiet One and basically pulverizing his heart, his father being resurrected as a purely evil shell of Lord Garmadon, being humiliated on television across the whole country, his friends dying (or at least so he, Nya and the rest of the city thought), being literally hunted by the Sons of Garmadon and his father plus his technically-psychopath-ex-girlfriend and the list could go on and on – he lost it.

He could barely go a day without panic attacks just a few months ago, having mental breakdowns on the weekly making the energy in the city go out in a nasty blackout every time. His friends had noticed of course, it would have been hard not to. And they had tried to talk and reach out to him he the first three times it had happened. Lloyd didn't want to talk though, shutting them out completely and his family just – gave it up. Thinking he wanted to be alone and sort things out on his own. The young Garmadon thought so too. He thought he just wanted to be alone as well. But as he sat all by himself in the guest room he had been sleeping in – because he had refused to stay with his brothers – he had realized that loneliness was actually what pulled him down emotionally and what made him feel even worse on top of everything.

That didn't stop him from keeping on shutting his friends out anyways – old habits died hard.

And Ronin – who had obviously noticed the blackouts too – being Ronin and meaning well but... being Ronin, had offered him something to calm his nerves with, one day he had been over at the Destiny's Bounty, just in case he wanted to. Of course Lloyd didn't decline, he was desperate for anything that could make his pain go away, that could make him stop feeling, so he accepted the offer and shortly after found himself high with Ronin on his bed while spilling his heart out to him.

The thief loved the kid, really did, he had already protected him with his life and he'd do it again any other day. The other members of the Ninja team always knew that and respected him for it.

Yet he knew getting the kid weed to help him forget his sorrows wouldn't be left without consequences for him by them. Not that he cared though.

But if he had known what kind of behaviour Lloyd would spiral into shortly after he surely would have never made that offer in the first place.

And so here the blond was, standing in front of his (now) opened window smoking his second joint that day – just anything to numb his feelings with.

It was kinda funny to him how much of a hypocrite he was. He remembered how he had screamed at Kai to stop smoking cigarettes and how he shouldn't ruin himself like that and would you look at him now. Doing exactly the same, maybe even worse. Kai at least hadn't been high as a kite on the daily and Kai at least hadn't isolated himself like Lloyd did now.

“So much for the great Green Ninja.”, Lloyd hissed mockingly into the nothingness throwing the end of the joint out of the window.

Maybe he should go into the living room and talk to the others, spend some time with them. The last time he saw them was about 2 weeks ago? He had been avoiding them, mainly because he felt like the odd one out whenever they were together.

He couldn't bring himself to enjoy playing video games with Cole or laugh at Jay's silly jokes, he also wasn't quite interested in having talks about Ninjago's history and culture with Zane and he usually loved those conversations. Hell, he didn't even like to cuddle with Kai and Nya while mocking the other in a childish but affectionate manner anymore.

He didn't feel like himself anymore but instead just like an empty shell.

And Lloyd couldn't help but wonder

Was this how his father felt all the time?

-------

The blond made his way to the living room trying to ignore the way his limbs shook like he was about to collapse.

He had been feeling weak lately, probably due to malnutrition. Lloyd had been barely eating the past few days because- well it was a little difficult.

The easy answer would be that he just simply didn't have the strength or motivation to get out of his bed. Plus he had gotten used to the stinging pain in his stomach hunger caused and barely noticed it now. If anything he felt weird when it wasn't there.

The longer answer was way different than the easy one.

When his uncle had disappeared and his friends searched for him all over Ninjago he had been left feeling out of control because there was nothing he could do to change all of it. There was nothing he could have been able to do to bring his Sensei and his friends back.

He hadn't been in control of even his body at this point anymore. He had grown taller all of a sudden, his voice got deeper and he noticed how he had been putting on weight. Everything had been changing and Lloyd didn't like changes.

Back then the only thing Lloyd had power over was – even though it seemed cliché – food.

He could choose whether or not he'd eat, he could choose how to prepare the food and how to put it all together. It was satisfying – cooking food, getting it ready and then being in full control of his own body and mind and refusing to eat despite his stomach basically screaming at him.

It was control that made him feel alive and that reminded him of the fact that Morro was no longer possessing and using him as a pawn against his family and Ninjago. His need of being in control was probably also what had made him hit rock bottom during his father's reign over Ninjago – well that and being disowned and thrown through multiple concrete prison walls probably did the trick.

He had felt so horrible after Harumi's betrayal, his fathers resurrection, his friends' deaths and all of the other horrible incidents – but back then Lloyd hadn't even been able to control his food intake properly anymore because now Nya was there with him and she would make sure he'd eat.

She hadn't seemed suspicious on his eating habits, after all he was a normal weight even if he was on the slightly thinner part of the spectrum. The only reason she had made him eat was to make sure he'd stay strong in case he'd have to face trouble – like the Sons of Garmadon, Harumi or even worse his father – any time soon. If he'd just faint on the battle field that wouldn't have been too great. It had been a hard time for him and her and he was just glad all of that was over now, even if it hadn't been easy.

Now, something that wasn't easy either was keeping on walking towards the living room as he heard sounds coming from it. Talking. Laughter. And Cole's voice screaming at Jay for whatever the reason was. He didn't want to ruin their good mood. Maybe he should just go back to his room and come back later? No. If he didn't do it now he would put it off for another two weeks. He leaned against the wall with his arm, feeling like he was going to lose balance caused by the sudden wave of dizziness that hit him.

“Lloyd?”, he heard someone behind him call out. Turning his head slowly towards the direction the voice came from he saw an old man down the hall where he had just come from. He was wearing a rice hat and had a long white beard. His eyes looked at him with nothing but concern but Lloyd could have sworn there was something in them that looked haunted.

“Are you alright?”, he stepped towards the younger, the sound of his staff making contact with the wood floor sent chills down the Ninja's spine.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. The simple gesture made him feel warm inside like back then when he was just a kid and his father would do simple things like that while telling him he was proud of him.

But it was gone. All gone now.

He shook the thoughts off. He didn't want to start crying like a baby in front of him, especially since his father was a sensitive subject to Wu as well.

His gaze fell from his shoulder to the man's face, the concern in his features just increasing.

“Yeah, I guess so.”, he muttered. “Wanted to go see the others.”

“You've been locking yourself up in your room for a pretty long time.”

Lloyd snorted. “Haven't noticed.”, he quickly moved away from his uncle's touch and went inside the living room, everything suddenly going quiet.

He felt uncomfortable under the stares directed at him, felt like they were burning through his skin. But he didn't want to feel that way because of them. They were his friends, his family and yet here he was feeling so unsafe and helpless in front of them, as if they could see right through him.

“Uhm.”, he started slowly lifting his hand a little and waving awkwardly. “Hey?”

Maybe not his best introduction. He knew he sounded and looked emotionless. And maybe it was because he was, in fact, emotionless.

No. Who was he trying to fool? If anything Lloyd was completely emotional. Just waiting for the bathtub of kept in and hidden feelings and memories to overflow – to spill it all out.

Right now was not the moment though.

“Am I interrupting something?”, he asked as the looks on their faces shifted from surprise into something else, a look the Green Ninja had seen way to often in the past few years probably so often that he could sense it from miles away by now. Pity.

He wanted to throw up.

“Oh, Lloyd.”, everything stopped for a second.

There was something about Kai's voice, how he spoke his name, that irritated him. He sounded like back then when he saved him from the volcano when he was just a little bratty child or just like when he comforted him about his fathers death after the tournament or like when he had just been saved from Morro's possession or when- Oh.

Okay now he actually wanted to throw up.

“What has happened to you?”, his voice was careful, he didn't want to alarm Lloyd in any way. He wanted to make sure his little brother knew that he was safe with them and that he was loved and protected and there really wasn't a need to look at him like a scared and hurt puppy because that was exactly what he was doing right now and it made him go crazy.

They should have interfered sooner, should have called Lloyd out of his room instead of just leaving him, letting him succumb in his own darkness probably, like they had done after a while.

His little brother, his baby brother, whom he had sworn to protect more than anything in this world, needed him now more than ever because Lloyd was currently fighting a war that he wasn't going to win – at least not all alone. Kai had to protect his perfect baby brother from himself before he could do any more damage to his mind and body.

He was pale, so pale he might as well have been dead and he was thin. Oh, so thin Kai feared that if he went to hold him he might snap him in half. His once so shiny emerald eyes were barely anything like they'd been before. They were so empty and dull, holding no joy or hope behind them like how they used to. Like how they still should.

“What do you mean?”, the blond spoke out again, his voice small but yet so angry.

And it really took a bit for it to reach them but then Kai noticed the smell – the smell he was so familiar with from going to parties or walking through Ninjago City Park.

Kai's eyes widened and by the looks on his friends' faces they noticed to.

“What the hell, Lloyd?”, he called out, finally jumping up from his sitting position on the sofa, making his way to the blonde and grabbing his – way too thin and bony – wrists. The now slightly taller boy was too slow and weak to react in time though. Kai felt like screaming, eyeing the youngster's bloodshot eyes. “Are you smoking weed?”, his voice came out way louder than he intended to, but he barely had any time to really realize that because the next second his blood was boiling, because Lloyd fucking snorted and started chuckling.

“Is this a freaking joke to you?”, Lloyd really couldn't help but laugh and as he felt Kai's grab on his wrists loosening slightly, he took his chance to break free. He didn't bother to step back though.

“You are funny.”, the Green Ninja muttered and the grin on his face turned bitter. “I've been starving myself, cutting myself, have had panic attacks on the daily and you're-”, Lloyd felt like a maniac for laughing but oh well, maybe that was a trait he got from his father. “You're focusing on me smoking weed?”, he watched Kai's expression fall, as everyone else's in the room. Normally it would make him feel bad and sorry but right now he didn't feel anything but bitterness. “Priorities. Right?”

“Lloyd, we didn't kno-”

“Oh, of course you didn't.”, he interrupted Cole rudely and basically stabbing him with his glance, eyes turning red. “Because you didn't look. You looked away, away from everything. All of you. And maybe you shouldn't have. Even Wu knew that something was going on before you guys and he is basically a shitty excuse of an uncle.”, he breathed out trying to calm himself. “By the way, Wu, you can come out from your hiding spot, it's quite pitiful watching you hide behind that table.”

The old man rose from his kneeling position on the ground, no one really caring how he got there in the first place. His eyes though, didn't rise with him. Looking at his nephew in this state would just break his heart. Would remind him so much of his broth- Garmadon.

“And you know why you did that? Because I do.”, no one dared to reply, too scared to make Lloyd even more angry and hurt. Seeing their little brother like this broke their hearts and the worst thing about all of this was that he was right. They had looked away and had left him alone when he needed them the most. They had thought that he would be okay on his own, that he'd be able to pick the pieces of his broken mind up all by himself like he had always done. Turns out this time it had just been too much for him alone.

“You all looked away because you don't care. You don't care about me, you care about the Green Ninja. Not Lloyd Garmadon. Because Lloyd Garmadon is still just a silly, bratty child to you who just can't do anything right.”

He hated it. Hated spilling his heart out to his teammates like that, he never wanted to tell them all of this, wanted to keep it a secret he would take to his grave.

Seems like the bathtub overflowed after all.

With tears starting to stream down his cheeks and blurring his vision he found it difficult to look at them. He didn't want them to see him like this.

“And it sucks.”, he choked out, voice cracking. 'God dammit you are such a crybaby.'

“Every single day of my life sucks because I know there is no way to change it. To change the things I've done. People died because of me and there is no way to bring them back! There is no way I can 'redeem' myself, no matter how much good I do or how much evil I defeat! It doesn't bring them back! It doesn't put destroyed families together again and it doesn't give people the life back, that they deserved, that I have taken!”, Lloyd was just screaming at this point, falling to his knees and holding his fists to his chest, crying hysterically. “Ho-how many more children are out there, who-whose parents I-I have taken. Ho-how many pa-parents lost their ch-children be-because of me?! How ma-many more Harumi's a-are out th-there?!”

Her name tasted toxic on his tongue. And he despised himself for bringing her up in the first place because this really didn't have anything to do with her (except it did). She just made him realize of the consequences his actions caused, made him actually realize the weight of it. Technically he had probably killed as many people as his father at this point.

Day by day the blond noticed more and more how similar him and his father actually were. Though he didn't like it. He didn't want to be like him.

“And I can't do it. I can't live with that.”, he felt himself being wrapped in a hug and he didn't even have to look up to know that it was Cole who had rushed to his side, cradling him in his arms while he was still crying hysterically, pretty much unable to breathe at this point.

“Ssh.. Lloyd, listen to me. Focus on my voice. Can you do that?”, his deep voice was soothing, calming in some way, but it wasn't enough. “Breathe with me, okay? Come on, you can do it. 1... 2... 3... Hold. 1... 2... 3... And out. 1... 2... 3... In. 1... 2... 3... Hold. 1... 2... 3... And out. 1... 2... 3... You're doing great buddy.”, the teams leader felt himself relax more and more as the elder kept on reassuring him and holding him tight. Exhaustion soon took over and then compunction.

“I'm sorry.”, he muttered against his chest, grabbing tight onto his black shirt. “I'm so sorry.”, his eyes were shut, still not wanting to look at them and see their faces and the expressions probably full of hatred and hurt after his little pitiful speech.

“There is nothing to be sorry for.”, Lloyd wanted to punch Cole.

Nothing to be sorry for? Lloyd fucked up his own life and now here he was taking it out on his only friends and family while it wasn't their fault. None of his actions were their fault, because he had made them.

Of course there was something to be sorry for.

Cole watched his fellow teammates, still standing helplessly in the room, not knowing what to do and by the look on Jay's face Cole could tell that he really wanted to say something but wasn't too sure if it was either the time or the place to do so.

“Of course there is.”, Lloyd's voice choked out again and it sounded so broken and weak, Cole thought he was holding the little nine year old in his arms after his dad had left, once again. “It isn't your fault. None of this is and I am sorry for taking it out on you. I'm- I just don't know anymore. I-I'm so unsure of everything.”

“Lloyd, it's okay.”, Nya spoke out for the first time. “You were right, we should have done something. We are your siblings for heaven's sake and we left you alone with your pain. That's unacceptable.”, he felt a hand being placed on his knee and dared to open his eyes, staring right into Nya's bloodshot ones. She looked like she'd been crying- Oh. She probably had. “But we are here for you now. We are right by your side and we listen to everything you want to say. We are there for you and we love you for you, not for being the Green Ninja.”, Lloyd nodded slightly, blonde strands of hair falling in front of his eyes.

“Okay.”, he spoke quietly.

“Uh.”, everyone's eyes fell on the Blue Ninja who was playing with his sleeves. “You, uhm... Said some stuff earlier about you... cutting?”, Cole felt Lloyd tense up in his arms and could have sworn he heard the fire ninja curse as well. “Was that... true? I'm just worried you know... because if you are you totally don't have to feel bad about it! I swear! But I think it would be better if you let Zane or Nya check up on you? Just to make sure everything's alright! Well not alright obviously but- You know?”, he began to ramble, not wanting to offend Lloyd. He out of all people knew what it was like to feel so lost that you would hurt yourself just to get judged later on. He didn't want his little brother to feel like that.

“Yeah.”, the young Garmadon spoke, silently pushing himself away from Cole, yet still staying on the floor and not looking up.

“Yeah, to what exactly? Yeah, you're... cutting or yeah, you'll let Zane check you up?”, Jay asked carefully.

The blond looked up at his red-haired friend, his eyes had turned green again by now. “Yeah.”

“Oh my God, Lloyd.”, and he felt himself getting wrapped up in a hug once again just that this time he immediately took a step back.

It wasn't fair to Kai. Not at all. Lloyd was being stupid and selfish and he was being a brat. It wasn't Kai's fault that all these awful things have happened to him over the years, if anything it's Kai's fault that nothing more happened. If the Fire Ninja hadn't been there for him all this time he'd be long dead or would be bearing double the amount of traumatic experiences. He had always been there for him and always stood behind him even in the worst of hardest of times.

So it really wasn't fair of him to flinch back and push Kai away like that.

But he couldn't help it. Because he felt so, so guilty.

“I-I'm sorry- I can't- You can't do that-”

Something in Kai's hazel eyes shifted. Lloyd mentally slapped himself because he did it again, he hurt someone who was so dear to him once again just because he was being selfish.

“Lloyd, no, what do you mea-”

“You died and- and I-”, and what? How was he supposed to tell him that he was a little ungrateful brat and that Kai deserved better? How was he supposed to tell him that he should just leave him alone at this point because whoever was close to him eventually got hurt. Either by the hands of some villain or by Lloyd himself.

“You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

“But I have to or else I won't ever be able to looking at you and without feeling guilt!”, Kai just nodded understanding.

“When you died I- I was so sad and devastated and lost and-”, Lloyd sucked in a breath as he looked at Nya for a mere second. “We both were. But- but Nya was so much better at dealing with it than I was. Nya stood strong but- but I gave into grief and I was just so depressed and hopeless.”, Lloyd hated thinking back on it. Hated thinking back on the emotions he had to live through and he was so glad he had his family back, all of them.

But it was true. Nya was much better at dealing with their family's deaths than him because Nya was stronger, because Nya was great, because Nya was so much better than him. She should have led the resistance, maybe she should have even been the team's leader or the Green Ninja. Any of them would have been a way better fit for the role than him but Destiny hated him. Though in all honesty he was also somehow happy that he was the one who turned out to be the Green Ninja in the end because that spared them from lots and lots of pain. Of course that meant that he was the one who had to deal with it but if it was for keeping this burden from his friends he'd do it any day.

Lloyd placed himself on the sofa carefully next to Jay. “And when- when I thought of you-”, his eyes fell on Kai for a second before he buried his face in his hands. “I got so angry like I've never been before and I was thinking about ho-how you could just leave me like- like that and it-”, he felt himself beginning to shake.

This wasn't easy for him, because Lloyd was not just the Master of Energy or “Master Lloyd” but also the Master of 'if-I-don't-admit-to-my-issues-and-feelings-they-aren't-real-and-what's-not-real-can't-hurt-me-or-my-friends' and the fact that he was to admit to hating his own brother at some point was definitely something that could and probably would hurt him and Kai.

“I hated you.”, his words were rushed and for a second Kai thought that Lloyd wasn't being serious but then the emerald eyes looked up at him and it was clear he meant exactly what he had said.

“I hated you so much. I hated you for leaving Nya. I hated you for leaving Ninjago. I hated you for leaving me, when you had promised to always be there and to protect me.”, Lloyd tried his best to ignore the tears streaming down his face and the cracks his voice did as he went on. “I've grown so used to having you- to have a big brother. I didn't know how to live without one- and I still don't.”, he murmured the last part, eyes meeting the floor for what felt like the 600th time today.

Kai said nothing. Stayed completely still and silent, just listening to what his little brother had to say because he knew he just needed to get it all out now, but to Lloyd Kai's silence was one of the most terrifying things ever. Probably up there with the thought of him turning out like his father and being possessed again.

He had to continue anyways.

“And it isn't fair.”, he whispered sounding heartbroken. “And I know that. I'm selfish, I'm dumb, I'm ungrateful and you deserve better. I- I don't understand why you keep on pu-putting up with me.”, the crying had stopped right now and Lloyd was sure that it wasn't because he felt better but rather that there were just no more tears left for him to cry.

But with every word the blond broke out he felt himself getting calmer, the storm in his head slowly calming down. “It wasn't fair of me to hate you for something I technically caused. It wasn't fair of me to hate you for leaving anyways. You did so much for me over all this time. You all, but especially you, practically raised me. You risked your life so many times and have always supported me. And it's not even like you chose to leave. It wasn't your fault but all mine. But I was so selfish and only thinking of myself because-”, because I couldn't bear to loose anyone else and I couldn't bear having any more names on the list of people that died because of me. Lloyd ends up not finishing that sentence.

“I don't hate you. I love you with all my heart but when I look at you I can't help but think about how I did hate you and it makes me feel so- so guilty and awful.”, Lloyd let's out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding because what he was about to say next was without a doubt the hardest thing for him to say out loud.

“If you, all of you I mean, hate me now that's okay, I get it.”, a sob escaped his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“I really won't judge you if you do-”

“Listen to me-”

“And if you want me to leave now, I will-”

“Please just-”

“If I were you I wouldn't want me to stick around-”

“Greenie-”

“As well-”

“I hate myself too-”

“Lloyd, don't you dare finish that sentence! Just listen to me!”, Kai rose his voice making the blond flinch and look up at him in shock.

Kai hated to see him like that, so hurt, so broken, so small, so young because in the end that's all he was. Their younger brother who had to grow up way too fast, much like Kai himself had to. Of course Kai also knew that his little brother wasn't a child anymore. He knew he was already seventeen but even that was way too young of an age for carrying the burden of being the Green Ninja and everything else that had happened to him.

“I'm not mad at you. It's completely natural to feel anger and sometimes even hatred when grieving. When I-”, Kai bit his lip for a second. Normally he wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't talk about his childhood and his parents absence. But he had them back now, everything turned out okay. “When I thought that my parents had died I was constantly getting into fights with random children to let out my anger. Because I hated them for leaving me and Nya all alone. So believe me I get it and I am not mad at all.”, he let out a sigh and sat down next to him pulling the blonde's head close to his chest. This time Lloyd didn't push him away. “I love you. You're my little baby brother and there is nothing you could ever do or say to change that or to make me hate you, I care too much about you for that. And don't you dare think about leaving us and don't you dare hate yourself. You are beautiful from the inside and outside. You've done so much good and you are so important to every single one of us, we want to help you and go through this with you together. Please just let us- let us help you.”, he felt Lloyd nod against his chest murmuring a silent 'okay'.

“We are going to get through this all together you just have to let us in.”, Nya smiling softly at the blond who nodded once more and sat up straight again.

“Thank you, guys.”

“It's what friends are for, Lloydie Boygie.”, the half-human scrunched.

“Jay, please-”

“Never say that again.”, Kai finished for him but couldn't hide his amused smile.

“So.”, Zane spoke up for the first time during the whole conversation. Lloyd wasn't mad at him for it, he knew how hard it was for Zane to comfort others due to his sort of blunt nature - it just wasn't his thing. “Should I look over your self-inflicted wounds now?”, Lloyd made a face and swore he could hear the others breathe in sharply. Yes, definitely blunt.

“Uh.”, he murmured while standing up. “Guess so. Med-Bay?”, Zane just nodded and made his way out of the kitchen being followed by the young Master.

[snowrobin-133]

Masterlist!!

Hello!! I finally made a masterlist lol. This took a lot of time but I did it! These won’t be in any specific order and I’ll be putting which characters are in the fic next to the name! This is also just a masterlist for all my writing! I’m putting it under read more just to prevent clutter lol. I will update it at least once a month!

Request rules

Twisted Wonderland

Vil x Jack HCs

Malleus and Lilia as Dads HC

Sebek and Silver as Dads HC

Rook as a Dad HC

Leech Twins Jealousy HCs

Jade and Floyd Leech Bonding HCs

Beast Tamer MC HCs (Dorm Leaders)

MC Lost in the Woods HC (Ace, Deuce, Sebek)

Inviting MC to Ball HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Rejected Crush Comfort HCs (Malleus, Ruggie, Azul, Riddle)

Amusement Park Fun HCs (first years)

MC Stays in TWST HCs (Ace, Leona, Jack, Malleus)

Heartslabyul Kitty Mayhem! HCs (Heartslabyul)

Smoker MC HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Cursed MC HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Kazuha!MC HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Insidious Reader with Strong Magic HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Insidious Martial Arts Master!Reader HCs (Dorm Leaders)

Octavinelle Present HCs (Octavinelle)

Malleus's Sister! (Scenario) (Diasomnia)

S/O Has a Nightmare (Scenario) (Riddle, Epel, Azul, and Silver)

Thunder Bond (Scenario) (Pomefiore)

Silver’s Destiny (Scenario) (Silver)

Soul Mates (Jamil x MC)

Your Greatest Wish

Pokemon (Many of these I’m planning to rewrite or completely scrap so you’re free to read them but uh pls don’t TvT)

The Selection (Pokemon SuMo cast) - [1] [2 (Ao3)]

The Dark Side of Aether (Pokemon SuMo Cast) - Prologue/Summary

It’s Yours Now (Moon, Gladion, Lillie, Hau)

I Want a Hug! (Moon x Gladion)

Lona Angst (Gladion x Moon, Hau, Lillie)

Ninja Stars (Pokemon SuMo Cast) - (On Ao3)

Champion Goes to School (Pokemon SuMo Cast) - [1] [2]

Lonashipping Week (2018) - [Day 2] [Day 3] [Day 4] [Day 5] [Day 6]

Lonashipping Week (2019) - [Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3] [Day 4] [Day 5] [Day 6]

GladMoon Week (2020) - [Day 3]

Ikemen Revolution (Many of these do not have titles and I am sorry for that ;;w;;) (Also be aware that some of these do not have proper warning labels, I will try to edit as many of them but in case I miss any, pls do tell me!)

Zero’s Child Angst (Zero x Alice)

Fairies In Cradle (Zero x Sona(Echo)) - [1] [2] (angst)

Lancelot Angst (Lancelot x Alice)

Jonah Angst (Jonah x Alice)

Soulmates of Two Worlds (Ray x Sona(Snow))

Sirius Angst Prompt (Sirius x Alice)

Sirius Child Angst (Sirius x Alice)

Fenrir Angst (Fenrir x Alice) (Angst)

Controlled Alice (Fenrir x Alice) (Angst)

Wizard Alice HCs (Ray, Luka, Fenrir, Lancelot, Kyle, Zero)

Wizard Alice HCs 2 (Sirius, Seth, Jonah)

Mikasa (AOT) Alice HCs (Ray, Sirius, Lancelot, Edgar)

Rejecting the BA's Proposal HCs (Black Army) (Red Army)

MC That Hides Her Smile HCs (Luka, Fenrir, Lancelot, Edgar)

Selectively Mute MC HCs (Seth, Zero, Harr, Dalim)

Dalim & Dean Relationship HCs

Very Shy & Quiet MC HCs (Dalim)

Scarred MC HCs (Luka, Jonah, Edgar)

Stopping their S/O from Crying HCs (Black Army)

Chubby MC HCs (Lancelot, Jonah, Fenrir, Oliver)

Ikemen Sengoku

Happy Birthday Ieyasu! (Ieyasu x Mai)

A Silent Vow to the Heavens (Ieyasu x Mai) (Angst)

A Blessing from the Heavens (Ieyasu’s kid (Hayate)) - [1]

Gunpowder (Mitsuhide x Mai) (Angst)

Trust in Love (Hideyoshi x Reader)

No Alcohol Tolerance MC! HCs (Masamune, Shingen)

Cuddling w/ Polymorous Shingen & Kenshin HCs

Genshin Impact

Childhoods (Childe x Mercenary!Reader) (A bit angsty)

A Happy Ending Yet to Happen (Xiao x Reader) (Slight Angst)

Original Novels (On Webnovel)

The Reaper’s Heir (On Hiatus) 

[janumun]

The Warrior in Scarlet [A Letter to You and Our Child Series]

Fandom: Samurai Love Ballad: PARTY

Rated: NSFW

Pairing: Sanada Yukimura/MC, Sanada Nobuyuki/MC

Characters: Sanada Yukimura, Sanada Nobuyuki, Kirigakure Saizo and Tokugawa Ieyasu

Tags: Angst, Smut, Memory Alteration, Amnesia, Fake Relationship, Regrets, Alternate Universe

A/N:  This fic is heavy on spoilers for Yukimura’s Act 2 and Destiny End so if you haven’t done that yet, and are avoiding spoilers, please turn back now! That is all and I hope you enjoy reading!

Words: 5137

Summary:

Yukimura’s sweet heart lives for and wants to protect what is most precious to him: her. He decides that the best way to go about it might just be for her to forget him.

.

.

“Please, I beg of you both…” Hushed words uttered through teeth clenched so hard, it was hard to hear him properly but the two men understood, for he had been imploring them to understand, repeating the same request for a while now.

“You’re an idiot, little lord.” The same cold, unsympathetic response.

“Please… Saizo.” Yukimura refused to lift his head, grinding it further into the dirt. “You are the only one who can take her pain away.”

Saizo’s gaze grew chillier with each word that left his best friend’s mouth. “Altering one’s memories is not a game, little lord.”

Nobuyuki looked upon his younger brother’s prostrate form with pinched brows, sorrow etched into his features. “Genjirou… are you absolutely sure you wish to do this to yourself?”

“I do, brother… let me do this one last good thing for my family. As the Soul of the Sanada, I cannot give them my life but… I can give them…” His voice broke off painfully. “…peace and a chance at normal happiness.”

“That is not how you…” An exasperated protest from the silver haired ninja.

“Please. I have made my decision. Do you know, Brother… Saizo…? She weeps into her pillow every night when she thinks I am asleep, whispering to herself how she wishes for the pain to go away. She is the kindest woman I know hence she tells me she is alright with me fighting in this war. She knows… she could lose me and yet she smiles at me.” His body was racked by horrid sobs now.

“She tells me to be brave and tells me she will be brave for us all, and she is… she is! It is I who is not brave enough to even entertain thoughts of what would come after – what it would do to her. I cannot, please, do not ask me to be the reason she finally breaks. Please… please…”

Silence prevailed. And then –

“I understand.”

.

-Summer of that same year-

It was the same dream she had been having for quite some time now. The long and bloody war was finally coming to a halt, she had heard. She was relieved. Even though half the faction of the Sanada were out there fighting, and many had already been lost.

She didn’t have any more nightmares as she had had for so many long hard months. They had just… stopped, a few months back when she had lost part of her memories. They had told her she had hit her head after having fallen down a steep hill, causing her to lose part of them.

It seemed like whatever had been tormenting her mind, causing her nightmares, had been lost as well.

She couldn’t remember the contents of it well - they were all a blur to her - one of those nightmares that faded from consciousness as soon as you woke up.

 No, now she was plagued by strange dreams. They were neither sad nor happy… they just didn’t make any sense to her.

Donuts, a sunny smile… she never saw their face. A flash of orange, Momo being swung up into strong arms, laughter, so much of it. Kisses that tasted of dusted sugar and whipped cream. Hands… the gentlest hands she had ever known holding her close against a scent that was warm, familiar and foreign all at once. Her name spoken with such reverence, she felt her heart give.

She woke up with a start, sweat soaking her clothes. She felt guilt stab through her like millions of tiny needles. She felt filthy and disgusted with herself, because the things she dreamt of; this… this stranger she dreamt of, it certainly was not her husband, the Lord of Sanada. These dreams befuddled her beyond measure. For whenever she was in the company of this unknown man with a presence like the sun, she felt… safe and happy, like coming home, a feeling she did not share for her husband. The thought shamed her beyond belief.

Nobuyuki slid open the door to their chambers, his other hand securing their sleeping daughter against his chest.

He stopped in mild surprise when he noticed his wife, who should have gone to sleep hours ago, sitting up in bed. Carefully shifting Momo in his arms so as not to disturb her slumber, he tucked her into her own bedding, laid down beside theirs.

He then joined his wife in bed, carefully inquiring after her as was custom for him ever since these dreams had started. Her heart lurched in her chest at his concerned expression. He was a good man. He did not deserve a wife who dreamt so frequently of being held by another man. Even if she didn’t mean to dream of him, the truth of the matter was that she did, meaning, that this man resided somewhere deep within her thoughts, an unknown lover manifested of soiled desires. It didn’t make her feel good at all.

Yet she could not let go of him, could not stop thinking of him whenever she had a moment to spare.

Silently, she shook her head at her husband. “I see.” He stroked her sweat slicked hair back from her face, caressing the side of her head. “I gather you still do not wish to share with me the nature of your dreams?”

She shook her head yet again. “I’m sorry, Lord Nobuyuki.”

“It is quite alright, dear one.” He stroked her face with gentle hands, ever so patient and giving. “Would you care to join me outside? The sky is particularly clear tonight.”

She did. After the endless monsoon season, she wanted to see the moon, not shrouded by dark clouds anymore. Perhaps it would do well for her mood.

 She took his proffered hand and together, they made their way toward the veranda. Nobuyuki slid the door shut behind them slowly, after checking in on Momo one last time.

He began to speak only after they were seated comfortably. “If you could find it in yourself to share even the smallest of worries that plague your thoughts, I would gladly listen, my dear. If you would let me help you, even a little.”

She stared at him, noting the understanding in his eyes, regardless of her answer and her heart ached. After a moment of contemplation, she opened her mouth to speak. “…I have been dreaming of a stranger.”

He listened, respectfully silent, waiting for her to continue at her own ease.

“I do not know them but… I feel like I should? I-I do not know how to explain myself any better than this. I’m sorry.”

Nobuyuki shook his head slowly. “No, it is alright. This is enough.” To her surprise, his brow had knotted at her words.

“Lord Nobuyuki?”

“Ah yes… perhaps it is someone you knew as child?”

“Perhaps.” she replied, doubtfully.

“You do know…”

She raised her head as he began to speak again.

“”You are an important person to me.” Something about the way he phrased it bothered her. As if… he were talking about a loved one but not quite a spouse.

 “That is why; I shall always be here for you.” He turned to her, smiling as he said so.

She stared back at him, at that soft smile, somehow subdued in its form. Another face – similar and yet different – flashed across her vision and she let out a gasp. She looked away from him quickly, heart hurting.

“Lord Nobuyuki.”

“Yes?”

“Please, hold me.”

“Pardon?”

She turned to face him, eyes moist with unshed tears. “Please, I need you to hold me. Please touch me. I want to forget.”

Nobuyuki did not ask her further questions. He complied silently as if he somehow knew what she was trying to run away from.

They reached for each other at the same time as their lips found the other’s. Winding her arms around his neck, she kissed him with reckless abandon, eyes screwed shut as she tried to drive away the image of that smile from her mind; that presence that made her heart hurt so much in this moment.

Nobuyuki’s hands trekked a precise path down her body, touching and probing where he knew she liked it best. She moaned into his mouth, grateful for the distraction.

He knew how to work her body well and yet, what was it that held her back so? His touch although well-known, felt almost alien.

“Lord Nobuyuki…”

“I’m here, dear one.” He held her close as his fingers made way underneath her clothes, stroking that one spot that had her break out in tiny shivers under his ministrations.

He rubbed her clit in slow, soothing motions, his lips leaving a trail of kisses across her temples, her ear, her hair. He was ever so patient and gentle with her, bringing her quickly to finish.

Even as she cried out for him as she came, even as she collapsed into his chest completely spent after such little effort; she had called for another person in her mind. It wasn’t her husband.

.

Nobuyuki had put her to bed soon after, having perhaps soothed her anxious heart enough to finally exhaust her to sleep.

How much time had passed since then? He sat out on the veranda alone, a bottle of sake at his side. He had stopped taking nightcaps as of late but at the moment, he felt like indulging himself.

He thought of his family and wondered how he could ease their burdens, how he could ease that person’s burden.

If there was one thing Nobuyuki cared for most in this world, it was him. Hence, when he had sought out his help, looking as if his heart were tearing to pieces – Nobuyuki hadn’t been able to refuse his brother.

He cherished him above all else and if it was what Yukimura wished for as his last plea on Earth, Nobuyuki would see to it that his will was carried out.

The Sanada heir had long since made his peace with the fact that his duty was to remain when everyone else left. To carry on the will of the Sanada, to make sure his clan survived. He could not go out there and fight his wars as he should have been allowed to. He could not go out there and support Yukimura at his side.

This was what he could do instead. To protect what his brother had had to leave behind.

He brought the cup to his lips taking a deliberate sip. “And to think I believed you did not possess a single selfish bone in your body.” He murmured to seemingly no one in particular. “You always managed to take me by surprise me at the oddest of moments, did you not, Genjirou?”

He turned his head sideways, in acknowledgement of the man beside him. Whether the pellucid apparition was really there or if it had just been conjured out of his intoxicated stupor – Nobuyuki didn’t really care for the truth at the moment.

He smiled at his otherworldly companion as he raised his cup in greeting. His companion was clad in red, just like the last time he had seen him, his back as he had ridden off to war – possibly, most definitely – his final one.

The scarlet warrior’s laugh sounded as delightfully animated as the man himself. “It is a rare sight to see you drinking this late at night, Brother. I cannot recall the last time I saw you this inebriated.”

Nobuyuki chuckled at his younger brother’s words as he brought the cup back to his lips. “Mm, I suppose you cannot.”

They sat in amenable silence for a long while before Yukimura spoke up again. “Thank you, Brother. For everything. I am grateful. I was blessed with such a caring older sibling, surrounded by nothing but love my whole life.”

That tiny smile maintained on his lips, Nobuyuki sipped at his sake, choosing to ignore his brother’s choice of words. Was. In past tense.

“You were my second parent, Brother and I am truly happy it was you.”

Nobuyuki directed a mirthful gaze his way, a slight teasing edge to his voice. “Our Yukimura is being surprisingly articulate with his words for once. Do not be so serious, my brother.”

Yukimura smiled at the mild rebuke, following Nobuyuki’s gaze toward the gathering clouds in the sky.

“It seems like rain again.” Droplets followed his casual observation as if Nobuyuki had somehow summoned them to fall at his will.

A heavy downpour followed almost immediately after, leaving him exposed to the tender mercies of nature.

Thunder rumbled overhead followed by lightening illuminating the empty space beside him. The steadily increasing storm sprayed errant water across his clothes, a drenching assault on his lone figure.

No one was out and about at the hour. Therefore, nobody noticed the way his cheeks seemed to be getting suspiciously wetter, faster than the rain could ever make them. Only Nobuyuki knew; the rain on his face had never been warm in the way as it was now, leaving his eyes as hot streaks down his otherwise chilly face.

.

It was a whole week before she saw Saizo again. Saizo, as Lord Yukimura’s personal ninja, had accompanied him into battle against the Tokugawa.

It was also right around the time the battle had ended that the dreams stopped as well. Gone like gossamer petals fallen off a cherry tree at the end of spring, the wisps and fragments of it already dissipating from her mind.

She had heard of Lord Yukimura’s final stand, had heard the whispers of his death in these very corridors. She had felt for the sweet man, for few were as good as her husband’s younger brother had been. She had also keenly felt for the irreplaceable loss her husband had suffered.

He still treated the others just as kindly, with a serene smile on his face, holding the remains of their clan together in his strength. Lord Masayuki was no longer amongst them. Now, Lord Yukimura had departed, gone far too soon; his life cut short at the end of this long era of war.

 Truly, Lord Nobuyuki was the last remaining of his blood family, and she felt for his pain as acutely as she mourned for the loss of that gentle man that had once been known as the Soul of the Sanada.

“You’re crying.” An impassive voice called out from the shadows of a nearby tree. Her head whipped up as soon as she heard that familiar voice, placing a hand to her chest to steady her heart.

“Saizo! You’re alive!” She felt a measure of relief flow through her at seeing him well. At the same time, she could not help but notice how strangely lonely he looked, as if there was someone else who should have been at his side, as he walked toward her on silent footsteps.

He came to a stop right in front of her, staring down at her face. “Who do you weep for, little lady?”

It was a strange question. Instead of why, he had asked her who she was crying for. She wasn’t though: crying. He was mistaken.

Before she could reach up to make sure of it, Saizo extended a hand toward her, wiping at her cheeks. His fingers came away wet.

“Huh?” She was confused. “I wasn’t crying, not a moment ago. This is strange.”

He continued to subject her to that same indecipherable gaze. “Is it now?”

He extracted a cloth that had been tucked securely against his breast plate, handing it to her without another word.

When she finally got a better look at it, she noticed it was a long piece of red cloth, a band really. Strangely, her hands reached for it without prompting, as if her body recognized it even if her mind didn’t.

Quietly, she turned it around in her hands, noting the edges that had frayed over time and the stitching that had so lovingly been done into it, to keep it together for even a little while longer. She traced the threads of the stitch carefully, her heart throbbing, a dull ache developing behind her eyes.

Tears fell unabated, wetting the fabric in her hand. “Why…? Saizo, what is this?” She turned to look at him for answers, only to be met by a gaze so wrought with unspoken emotion, it tore at her.

“I’m sorry, little lady,” was all he said, before he placed a hand across her eyes, momentarily taking her vision. His hand was so warm; it just made her cry even harder.

It was as if a dam had burst inside her and now she couldn’t stop. This one piece of cloth seemed to hold a lifetime of precious memories and she wept for the loss of them, the headband clutched tightly in her fist as she clung to Saizo’s clothes, crying like she had never cried before in her life.

.

Spring, Second Year

The Tokugawa were being hosted by the Sanada for the entire duration of negotiations between the two clans. Nobuyuki had completely settled into his role as head of the Sanada, managing and catering to their guests with decorum as befitted the Lord of his clan.

After greeting the relatively small contingent consisting of the Lord of Tokugawa himself, Tokugawa Ieyasu, along with his most trusted vassals, best known as his Four Heavenly Kings; the Lady Sanada was on her way to check in on her daughter who she was sure would be found playing in the back gardens at this time of the day.

She ticked the day’s tasks off of her mental check list as she made her way through the castle hallways. Tea had been served as soon as the Tokugawa delegation had arrived and now they were probably busy revisiting the terms and conditions of their alliance.

Shielding her eyes against the sun as she approached the gardens, she thought she spotted a blonde man hunched down just at the edge of the veranda, conversing with her daughter.

That kimono –

It couldn’t be –

“You’re just as abominably bright-eyed as that bull-headed father of yours,” she heard the man say to Momo in a tone that suggested utter boredom and disinterest.

“You’re… you’re a brat!” Momo shot right back, clearly offended by the statement. Lord Ieyasu raised an eyebrow at that.

Her heartbeat quickened in her chest as she observed their exchange. She knew she should intervene before her daughter ended up offending Lord Tokugawa any further. Heavens, this child…

Before she could call out, however, she was rooted to her spot in surprise yet again when she heard a tiny snort of laughter. Her eyes widened. Was Lord Tokugawa… smiling?

“That, you didn’t learn from your father, did you?”

“Mama calls me a brat whenever I’m a bad girl. You’re also rude and bad.”

“Oh, am I? Well then.” He rummaged around in the satchel he carried, pulling out a pale pink ribbon. “Here you go. I happened to pick this up on my way here. Thought it would befit a brat of Sanada.”

She could see Momo’s eyes sparkling, even from this distance. She seemed to have ignored the bite in his words as she stared fascinated at the proffered ribbon. “Pretty. Can I really have it?”

“If you want.” He still sounded mildly vexed with the whole conversation, his voice slightly gruff as he talked to Momo. Lady Sanada, however, noticed the softness of his gaze as he looked at her daughter.

Seeing Momo struggling to put on the ribbon, Lord Tokugawa hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. “…Want me to put it on for you?”

Momo’s only response was several vehement nods as she turned her head sideways, allowing him access to her hair.

He reached for her hair slowly, securely cording the ribbon through her locks.

“Finally gave it to you, huh?” Lord Tokugawa muttered something under his breath as he eyed Momo twirling around happily with her new present, something Lady Sanada couldn’t quite catch. She did not understand why he looked so forlorn, as if he were looking at something so bright, it hurt him physically and yet he didn’t want to look away.

She slowly approached him. “Lord Tokugawa?” Tokugawa Ieyasu shot up to his feet like an arrow, turning sharp eyes her way. When he saw it was only her, though, he relaxed slightly.

“I thought you would be at the meeting with my husband, Milord.” She remarked politely.

“Too much of a pain. I let Sakai handle it.” He wouldn’t meet her gaze.

“I see.”

 They both silently continued to observe Momo as she played, happy as a lark. She smiled surreptitiously at Momo, now aged 4. She was starting to grow out some very chubby apple cheeks, just like him –

She frowned as soon as the thought came to her. Who was she thinking of? Ever since that day with Saizo, who had disappeared from their lives soon after, she had developed this intense feeling of emptiness within. As if she were missing an important part of her; she felt incomplete without it. Like, how one would feel after they lost a limb to war or another equally vital organ, like losing your very basic senses of smell, sight or touch; it felt like she was back in the dark, stumbling around to feel for something, the shape or form of, she did not know, being guided solely by what the sensation had once been like: warm laughter, donuts and the sun. She couldn’t describe exactly what it was or who it was that she missed so much.

She had continued to hold on to that memorabilia from Saizo, though, she did not know the reason for it. She had showed it to Lord Nobuyuki in the hopes that he would be able to help her but he had simply given her a smile so utterly sad, taking her into his embrace soon after. In that moment, she had felt a sort of kinship with him, a friendship, unlike the bond of a married couple. She had felt consoled by him and in turn had soothed his wounds.

She now knew for sure that Lord Nobuyuki and Saizo were protecting a heavy secret, from her. She knew it involved Lord Yukimura. She just did not know how it all connected. Yet, what she was completely sure of was, that she could no longer continue on as Sanada Nobuyuki’s wife.

And when, she had finally gathered enough courage to take up the matter with her husband, he had agreed to separation fairly quickly. For the sake of stability within the clan, however, they had agreed upon her continuing to act in the capacity of Lady Sanada.

 Lord Nobuyuki’s easy agreement to a divorce had only solidified her belief. There was something out there she had lost, something precious. She would regain her memories of it one day. She swore to keep trying for the rest of her life.

“Hey.” Lord Tokugawa’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Yes, Milord?”

“You… made me porridge when I requested it of you. I’ll thank you for that.” His demeanor was not at all of a man thanking another person; he seemed entirely upset and offended as if she had somehow forced his gratitude. She tried not to laugh at that.

His eyes were firmly turned away from hers still. “I do not stomach mediocre food much. So… that gruel helped.”

“I’m glad I could be of service to you, Lord Ieyasu.” She smiled at him, not quite getting the point of this idle conversation. Lord Tokugawa had never struck her as the chatty type and judging from the constant knit of his brows, he wasn’t used to this either.

She recalled the last time she had ever seen him: that was when he had housed her and Lord Nobuyuki at his stronghold in Mikawa. She could only recall his unctuous smile, and those eyes that had always left her feeling cold and distressed, even long after they had stopped focusing on her. 

She had not seen him again after having escaped his castle to… to –

She frowned. Her memory blanked out after that. This man in front of her, however; he had changed so much. He had… mellowed out somehow, his demeanor softer, more approachable. No longer did he look as if he were fighting alone, taking the world on; solitary in his stance against it.

 With their future in his hands, she hoped that perhaps, they could finally start wishing for peace in these lands.

“I expected to feel utterly disgusted when I met you.” He shot out all of a sudden. She stared at him, a little startled. “You married the elder brother after he…” Lord Ieyasu trailed off, his eyes wandering toward Momo.

“But I see why you need Sanada’s protection. You have his child to protect, your child…” He murmured in a gravelly voice. “As much as I find myself wanting to despise you, I find that I cannot.”

 She did not quite catch the second part of his statement.

“Pardon?”

He turned toward her, flashing her one of his facetious smiles. “Good to see you are doing well, ‘Lady’. If the older Sanada had thrown you out on the streets, I was thinking I might have to take pity on you and your noisy urchin and adopt you into our household. Glad we don’t have to deal with that unwanted scenario now.”

Was this… his very twisted way of being kind?

“I tire of you. I’m returning to my chambers.” And with that he was off, leaving her very baffled as to the true nature of the man called Tokugawa Ieyasu.

She broke into a tiny smile, bowing to his back in gratitude, although he could no longer see her.

.

Obon, Third Year

The last night of the Obon Festival, she had asked for Lord Nobuyuki’s permission to attend the Toro Nagashi, which he had promptly granted.

Now, at the river with the rest of the villagers, she pressed her hands together in prayer before setting the paper lantern afloat along with the others.

The river glowed with the lights of a thousand souls and the prayers of their loved ones as the lanterns steadily floated farther away from the living.

Crouching at the riverbed, she watched the lights for a long time, even after most of the people had returned to their families that still lived.

. “Do you see me, Sanada Yukimura?” She murmured into the quiet night. “I hope wherever you are, you are at peace.”

“I still don’t fully understand what it is about you that joined me to you but… what I do know is that you were an irreplaceable person to me.”

The wind seemed to pick up a little as if it were acknowledging her presence.

“I… I have also reached the conclusion that you… you are – were - Momo’s real father, Yukimura. And for whatever reason we were parted, I’m sorry you had to bear your burdens alone.” Her voice sounded small, dipped in longing sorrow.

She seemed to catch a slight movement at the corner of her eye. Turning around, she thought she saw a red headband fluttering in the wind, its wearer smiling down at her. She blinked and he was gone in the next instant.

.

After changing into sleepwear, she trudged on to search for her ever elusive daughter, finally locating her in their chambers’ adjoining garden as she sat in the grass, silently staring up at the sky.

“Momo!” She called out to her, exasperated, making her way over. “It’s time to go to sleep, darling.”

Momo murmured something into the dark. She reached her side, placing a gentle hand on the young girl’s shoulder to rouse her from her daydream. “My baby, come now, sleep with mama?”

“Daddy.” She murmured, still staring star-struck at something just beyond her mother’s shoulder.

“What?” She asked, startled.

“Mama, its Daddy.”

“Is it? Lord Nobuyu…?” She started to speak, turning around as well before the words died on her tongue. A man in scarlet armor, as transient and ephemeral as the moon’s light, crouched at their sides, smiling at them.

She found that she had a lump in her throat she could not work past to form sounds. Momo suddenly collapsed into the grass, drawing her attention.

“Momo!” Her mother screamed for her, frantically before she felt - no, sensed - a soothing hand on her shoulder, and a voice as gentle as the softest whispers reached her ears.

“It’s alright. She’s just asleep.” His voice calmed her nerves and she relaxed instantly, smoothing the hair back from her sleeping child’s face.

“She’s beautiful,” the warrior in scarlet murmured next to her.

“Of course she is. She’s our daughter.” She replied without thinking, startling them both.

He called her name in that same whispering tone, though she recognized it immediately as a faded echo of the voice he had had when he was still alive. He reached out a hand as if to stroke her face but stopped just shy of her cheek. His hand seemed to shimmer against her skin, wavering as if he would disappear at any moment now.

“It’s you… Yukimura.” She placed her hand over his, feeling a tiny shock go through her at the contact.

“My heart hurts so much right now, do you know that, Yukimura? It hurts so much whenever I think of you.”

He gave her a forlorn smile. “I am sorry, for being a fool and not being able to protect you. You must not even remember me properly anymore, because I selfishly wished that upon you, to protect my own weak heart.”

She shook her head at him, tears streaming down her cheeks at seeing him again. Something was beginning to come undone and with it came the tears: happiness at seeing him again, sadness that she would lose him again, remorse at not having been strong enough to handle their burdens, together, in this life.

She ran her hands against his translucent form, trying to commit this one last time to memory.

“I loved you in this life. I love you still, and if we are ever reborn, I will seek you again and next time, I shall live for you.”

She smiled up at him, even as his form began to stutter and vanish. “You have my promise. I shall be yours.”

Yukimura gave her one of those sunny smiles she loved so much before placing a fleeting kiss on her forehead. And then he was gone, taking that life of scarlet with him.

.

[End Notes: This work has a second part, a ‘Yukimura’s POV’ version of the events of his Destiny Ending, set in the same universe.]