#destiel angst would break me though

[portofshia]

feelings about toxic coldflash again🫠 I need the angst i need to write it i need to break peoples hearts

[einloukrativesangebot]

February 2024 Destiel Fic Recs

Fics that were written in february of 2024, that I really loved.

Bad Day at the Office by nephiliminality

Castiel has successfully retrieved Dean Winchester from Hell, and now all he has to do is resurrect him, introduce himself and persuade him to serve Heaven. Should be an easy job, right?

Unfortunately, keeping this particular human alive is a lot harder than he expected. If Gabriel would stop laughing, that would really help.

(Lazarus Rising meets Mystery Spot. That's it, that's the fic)

This was is so good, awesome doesn't even begin to cover it.

Piece of Mind by golbygloom

Castiel has only been human for a few weeks when he experiences his first 'headache,' as Dean calls it. At first, he thinks it's nothing, as Sam and Dean said, but as they begin happening more and more frequently, he becomes convinced that this is Naomi's doing as she tries to rip him away from everything he's worked so hard to get. Why else would his head be aching almost constantly, with the pain originating so close to his eyes?

This fic is very angsty, but who doesn't love angst?

room for one more troubled soul by an_ardent_rain

“I’m here looking for Sam Winchester.”

“Yeah,” he says. “That’s me. What can I do for you?”

“I’m… sorry for bothering you,” Castiel says. He clears his throat, and then takes a deep breath, pulling himself together. “I need your help. It’s about your brother.”

Sam’s eyebrows raise in surprise, though he keeps his expression mostly blank. Castiel licks dry lips. “Dean went on a hunting trip,” he says. “And he hasn’t checked in in a few days.”

The concept is so intriguing and the writing is amazing.

dawn breaks overhead by dykeydean

So he finds himself standing in the middle of a run-down motel, letting himself be dressed by a human.

He doesn’t quite remember getting from there to here, but it doesn’t matter. This human’s soul is good, and so he trusts. There is nothing else to do.

“I only got one bed, but, uh, we can share,” the human says. He radiates nervous energy, and Castiel supposes that a bloody angel- fallen angel- showing up on your doorstep would be quite disorienting. Then again, humans used to worship angels almost to the level that they worshiped God. Perhaps times have not changed, and the human is simply awe-struck.

“I don’t sleep,” Castiel says, and then he blacks out.

Again, amazing concept and the writing is superb.

spanner in the works by casdoms (moffwithhishead)

 “You have to choose, Castiel. Us, or them.”

Them. It was always going to be them.

Definitely worth the read, especially for Cas-fans.

Candy-crushing the angel way by FreyaBlackthorn

Dean is a bit uncomfortable with Cas staring at him during the night; he convinces the angel to download Candy Crush.

Because Dean is a candy and Cas is crushing, right? (I'm sorry).

This one is hilarious.

Steady As The Night Goes by Angel_With_A_Shotgun (CalmWaters)

“Yeah. Here,” Dean lifted one of the blankets from the stack beside the bed, “you kept kicking them off earlier.” Cas took it quickly. Wrapped himself up in it. Wide, blue, fevered eyes stared into Dean’s. More alarm bells rang inside of Dean’s head.

Or, a newly human Cas struggles with a fever, while Dean struggles with his feelings.

It's just very sweet and very in character for Dean.

True Blue by adeptune

Based loosely off of this tweet:

"Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we don't even know each other ?"

Or Sam bets Dean a thousand dollars that he and Cas can't go to couple's therapy for a week without the therapist noticing they aren't a couple...

These guys really do need therapy...

feather and nest by orphan_account

Early November comes and goes. Dean tries to hold on through the winter.

Starts angsty, but the ending is really cute.

Cowboy Blues by tollie

“I’ll take this,” Dean dropped a beaded bolo tie on the counter, “and he’ll wear the hat.” “I will?” Cas said, but Dean appeared not to hear as he swiped the Charlie card and pocketed the receipt.

Episode coda for 13x06 "Tombstone" in which Dean buys Cas that absurd hat and Cas wonders what the real cause is for Dean's good mood.

This is very fluffy and such a nice fanfic gap-fic.

Kitchen Table Conversations by Owco

“So let me summarize,” Sam began, still somewhat hoping he’d wake up and this would be a bizarre dream he’d never tell anyone about, “Dean was asking for it so hard it turned into a prayer, causing you to accidentally jump into his body. You were so cozy next to his soul that you left your vessel dead on the bed for over ten minutes. Have I got that right?”

This one's very funny.

Here are the January Recs

[watchoutforthefanfics]

my series...

PROCESS TAGS:

⏹️ - discontinued

⏸️ - on a break

▶️ - in progress

⏪️ - being rewritten

✅️ - complete

CONTENT TAGS:

😳 - smut

🫣 - suggestive

💞 - fluff

⛈️ - angst

REDDIE (IT):

achievement unlocked || ▶️

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

epilogues:

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

AVAILABLE ON AO3

I could be your crush, crush, crush || ✅️

Part 1, 2

Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak was built for a strict schedule and precision arrival. Of all the days to fuck up, he does it on his first official day of college. But upon running into an old friend, there just may be a positive to this shitty day after all.

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Never Goodbye || ⏸️

Summary: "He paused, turning away from the black holes that were Eddie's eyes, and trying to think of the most passive way he could say something genuine. Without professing his love, or crying, or both. Richie settled down into his bed, tucked under the covers as much as he could and he spoke. A quiet tone that honest-to-god felt unfamiliar in his own mouth. "I…" There was silence, as he refocused. Just knowing Eddie was expecting something. And Richie was never one to let down Eddie, he hoped he never would be. "I don't think there's anywhere else I'd wanna be, Eds." Or Richie tries to get his shit together, so does Eddie, and they both are oblivious as fuck for way too long."

SPN:

CROSSOVERS:

Second Chances // Fandom: It, SPN + Reddie, Destiel ▶️

Summary: "Call me crazy," Dean continued, trailing his fingers on the counter, "-but doesn't this feel like it isn't… for us… to you?" "What do you mean?" "It's…" Dean began, but faltered, "-A completely uninhabited creepy inn? With flickering lights? What does that sound like to you?" "Dean-" Sam sighed. "A horror movie, Sammy," Dean spoke, with playful confidence, "-you can't tell me I'm wrong, because that bell has a spotlight shining on it. And when I touched it-" "You touched it?!" "-nothing happened!" Dean finished, "I think we're in a horror movie waiting around for the main characters." Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Dean interrupted, "No, no. Hear me out." Or where Sam and Dean are trapped in a horror movie.

ELEVENTH DOCTOR (Doctor Who):

Ticking Love Bomb || ▶️

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...

Summary: Your adventure with the Doctor and the Ponds takes a harsh turn when it seems you're targeted with a potion. A love potion, specifically the type where you fall in love with whoever's eyes you met first after "drinking" it. But what if you're already in love with him?

[spnfanficpond]

New Member Spotlight - February 2024

The Pond is always growing and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family, along with a little info about them!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh, my!

enteselene (twitter) - This new member is cool and mysterious, but probably does not have a son named Fergus. Probably.

@disenchantedhalo -

Other SM names? - ghoulsnhalos (Discord), morgawse_hp (Twitter), GhoulsnHalos (AO3)

OTP? - Destiel

Other fandoms? - Bandom

Looking for in the Pond? - Have a space to share ideas on fics, writing, editing. Help me make better use of social media to promote fics etc.

Pairings you read? - novel-length Destiel

Genres you read? - Pretty much anything except sports AUs and crack. Tropes: Enemies to Lovers; Two-person love triangle

Favorite writer(s)? - JuniperJones (AO3)

What do you like to write? - Mostly explicit alternate universe with a happy ending. Range of lengths. These days I pretty much stick to writing for Bangs.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Take Me Down

.@charliethealpaccaso -

Other SM names? - Same name on Discord

OTP? - Not sure as I tend to hop around.

Other fandoms? - Furry Transformation

Looking for in the Pond? - Looking for new transformation fics and meet some new friends

Something to signal boost? - Mellowfello on furaffinity.net

Pairings you read? - Now I think about it I hop around to more ship tags

Genres you read? - Fluff, Crack, and a small bit of Angst

@ryladante -

Other SM names? - Same name on Discord, Twitter, and AO3

OTP? - Destiel

Looking for in the Pond? - Help to get my writing back on track, some ideas to get me writing again.

Pairings you read? - Destiel ftw, lol.

Genres you read? - Angst, Smut. Even if it has a sad ending, I'll read it. I like pain in my stories. Tropes? Enemies to lovers, roommates who fall in love

What do you like to write? - Angsty, dark and suspenseful. I like pain and drama in my stories.

Masterlist!

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I've never written Omega/Alpha stories. The idea intrigues me, but I wouldn't know where to start.

@dustlines - This new member is cool and mysterious and definitely was not seen breaking a seal to bring on the Apocalypse.

@deeranger -

Other SM names? - Deerangerfanart (Twitter), deerange (LJ), deeranger (Pillowfort)

OTP? - Sam/Dean and Wincest all the way

Looking for in the Pond? - Find new and interesting ppl and creations that tickle my fancy (I like dark and dead dove primarily) and I also hope to maybe find resources for my writing, maybe ppl to talk to and bounce ideas off of.

Something to signal boost? - My (often NSFW) fanart is scattered all over, primarily it's on my Twitter though at @DeerangerFanart. Also, I have my carrd where you can find all my social media accounts.

Pairings you read? - Wincest or anything bottom!Sam, really. I have a weakness for noncon Samifer. 3rd person pov is my preferred pov and I mostly read m/m but f/m is okay too. And hey, so are tentacles! 😂

Genres you read? - Noncon, angst, dead dove, smut, pwp, dark and smutty stuff in general. I like "problematic" stuff.

Favorite writer(s)? - BlindSwandive, AnOddSock, hunter_king, CleverUsernameHere, TammyRenH

What do you like to write? - Dark and angsty ones, mostly noncon bottom!Sam... Usually my fics are pretty dead dove.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - "Nothing Hurts Like the Truth", a Jess/Sam dubcon fic

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I've never written a long fic. I'm currently trying though (at 74k as we speak) and I'd love some support and such on it and maybe advice if needed. I've never had the guts to try and write such a long fic. But now is the time! Also, I'd just like to get better at plotting out fics and such and get better at writing in general. That's my goal. Inspiration and practice!

@zepskies -

Other SM names? - Zepskies (Discord), Zeppelin_skies (AO3)

OTP? - Dean Winchester x Lisa Braeden

Other fandoms? - Actively writing for: The Boys, Big Sky, 10 Inch Hero, Smallville, Dark Angel

Looking for in the Pond? - A community of fellow writers/fandom enthusiasts. I like talking and sharing about the writing craft, mutual encouragement of ideas, just basically continuing what I've been doing on Tumblr.

Pairings you read? - Reader inserts, OC pairings

Genres you read? - Romance, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, comedy, drama. Favorite tropes: Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Meet Cute

Favorite writer(s)? - Ooh this is tough. I have many, but on Tumblr there's @waynes-multiverse, @deanwritings, @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior, @deanwinchesterswitch -- and many others that I follow and love their work.

What do you like to write? - Genre wise? Romance, fluff, smut, angst and hurt/comfort, soulmate AU and other AUs. I've also dabbled in A/B/O.

Masterlist! (AO3 Works list)

Most underappreciated fic? - Damned If I Do and Chico Malo

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - Well, while I'm primarily a Dean girl, I've toyed with the idea of a Sam Winchester soulmate AU, or a Sam Winchester series (which I sort of have outlined). Maybe for the soulmate AU, some brainstorming prompts would be fun and helpful! <3

That's all for this month, folks! (If we're missing anyone, let us know and we'll add them to next month's list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @spencereliotwinchester and @heavenssexiestangel!

[sapphicblight]

3, 13, 41, 49 and 50 please? Love your writing and would love to know more 💖💖💖

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

insecurity is a big one i’d say. it’s one of my favorite topics to read about in fics too so naturally it made its way into my writing. we’re not gonna look too deeply into how that relates to my own insecurities and journey into learning to love myself, shhhh. crying is also a theme too, because i want my characters to suffer but i also want them to be able to let it out, give them that release shdjfg

as for smut specific details, crying is once again a thing?? ok sure 😅 and overstimulation too, even in the v first smut i ever wrote (your body’s a tether), though the first time i properly went in on that was for eat bathe (make) love where the entire second and third chapter pete is just overstimulated to hell and back. sorry buddy sdbhf

also — im still learning how to write bdsm and kinda chickened out of realllly exploring it for my past fics, so i just kinda stuck to choking and spanking for most of my vp sex scenes, and in the case of intrinsically i actually kind of regret that (the spanking especially, in hindsight i just don’t think it fits the tone and what the characters would do / need right then) 

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

ooooh shit i actually rly need to think about this one. idk does abo count? shdnjfk i used to read it sort of almost accidentally, not really realizing what i was getting into with that till much later, back when i used to read a lot of sterek fanfiction (and some destiel too). very occasionally an author will do a lot of legwork with worldbuilding and sell me on it for that fic specifically, but in general i havent been into abo or mpreg themes (not counting a ftm trans character in that — the thing i dislike reading is mpreg that can’t occur irl) for a few years now.

i also used to be more into aus that had nothing to do w canon, like high school aus and (for stuff like merlin) modern aus, which is funny bc i wrote a college au and am now writing a historical au w luna, but i never said i wasn’t a hypocrite hdnjgh — but yeah nowadays i almost exclusively read canon-compliant, canon-divergent, or post-canon fics. i came here for these characters in this setting usually, so then that’s what i seek more of 🤷‍♀️

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

oooh there are MANY. there are some authors whose writing styles have my brain zooming with envy but mostly just so much appreciation and enjoyment. some of my very favorites tend to be angsty fics, and angst is just my go to vibe and genre to read, so while i have many favorites that are more happy or humorous, i'm going to specifically shout out two of the angstiest pete-centric ones that made my chest ache with emotion as i read them: milk teeth by constitutiondumpstat; and only the heart knows. by evashougouki (i still havent gotten around to their recent 20k words pete fic nothing. that i just know is going to break me so good. i rly need to get on that asap but consider this a pre-emptive shoutout to that for probably changing my brain chemistry once i read it as well)

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! 

ohoho well for snippets of the prohibition au i recommend checking luna’s twitter or tumblr, she’s posted a few already! 

so instead i’ll post a slightly redacted snippet from the 4th chapter of my mobwife au (‘ultraviolet disguise’, a canon-divergent au where pete never got recruited as bodyguard but ends up caught up in mafia bullshit anyway when he starts dating a mafia don named ‘hwan’ who vegas has been trying to take down for a while now)

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! 

hmmmm. i think i’ll take this opportunity to grab question 48 (What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?) and plug @lu-sn’s discotheque rouge which just got a second chapter that makes me want to live inside her specific brand of post-canon vegaspete 💕 

[sheepgirl3]

Imma steal this if you don’t mind! It looks like fun.

1: How many fics do you have on Ao3:

60

2: Total Ao3 Word Count:

233,292

3: Fandoms?

Hope you have a second lol.

Star Wars/Clone Wars, Marvel Cinematic Universe, 9-1-1, Captain America, The Silmarillion, Downton Abbey, Hogan’s Heroes, Smiley Face Killers (I started that ao3 tag), No Escape 2020 (and that one), Criminal Minds, Supernatural, 9-1-1 Lonestar, Call of Duty, Venom, Harry Potter, Jedi: Fallen Order

4: Top 5 fics by kudos:

5: Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely, even though sometimes it takes way longer than I care to admit! I read all of them over and over again though. They are my life force.

6: What is your fic with the angstiest ending?

There are so many. I participated in whumptober this year. However, I would say one of these two.

7: Fic with the happiest ending?

So many WIPs that are currently very angsty but will end happy, so we’re gonna go with a finished one.

8: Do you get hate on your fics?

You know, I don’t think I have. I’ve gotten some comments that I’ve raised an eyebrow at, been confused about, or even been irritated by (someone replying to another commenter saying my fic wasn’t going to be updated; that’s probably the worst). Luckily, I’ve escaped hate so far. I tend to be pretty vocal about a person’s ability to hit the back button if they don’t enjoy.

9: Do you write smut?

Yep!

10: Do you write crossovers?

No, unless the fandoms overlap somehow (9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lonestar). However, I’m in the process of writing a huge, multi fandom series in which there will be a fair amount of fandom crossover.

11: Have you had a fic stolen?

Once to my knowledge. Someone copy pasted a whole section of one of my stories to make a roleplay prompt on amino. I’m still a little petty about it and that was years ago.

12: Ever had a fic translated?

No. I generally don’t agree to it when offered, but I admire those putting in the effort.

13: Ever co-written a fic?

Yes! And I adore my coauthor, she’s one of my great friends.

14: All time favorite ship?

I have so many. Personally, I will choose a couple and say Codywan, Buddie, Stucky, Destiel and Sabriel, Golden Mole, and so many more. I will die on those hills.

15: What’s a WIP that you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There are a couple and my heart breaks to think about them. They’re like my children. They’re all Marvel and my style has changed so much that I find them hard to go back to. So unless I fully rewrite them, on the chopping block are:

“Every Little Thing (help me I’m lost”

&

“Knowing Me Knowing You”.

I’m hoping to revive them one day. But I need to be realistic. Maybe if I revive my Marvel fixation.

17: What are your writing strengths?

I write really good angst and tender prose.

18: What is your writing weakness?

Finishing.

19: First fandom you wrote for?

Wrote for in total? Hogan’s Heroes or Emergency!. Published? Marvel.

20: Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It’s like asking me to choose between my children! So I’ll simply choose one of them to put in the spotlight.

I tag anyone who wants to participate! @whambamthankyousir @h4lftruths4ndhyperb0le @commanderfoxdeservesbetter @gaeasun are a couple I can think of off the top of my head!

Writer 20 Questions

Thank you for the tag @ninjasawakenedmystar !!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

83

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

278,714. TCWGANV definitely takes the bulk of that.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Star Wars but I have written a few Undertale fics as well.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1) The Clone Wars Gets A New Victim

2) our last goodbye

3) i changed to save you (but i was too late)

4) quiet fire

5) The Red Scarf

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best too but sometimes I get just overwhelmed with happiness and can't figure out a way to word a response.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Without going through all my fics I just want to say TCWGANV because it hasn't failed to make me cry and I wrote the ending to it almost two years ago now. However the ending is probably a lot more bittersweet than angsty. So it would probably be one will die (before he gets there)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A Happy Ending For Everyone (Except Palpatine)

Which is an old fic but I barely write happy stories 😅

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Yes. I've gotten hate for TCWGANV and our last goodbye. Most of the hate goes for TCWGANV though, which is especially aimed at Grim. Who has of course, gotten hate outside of my fics with her.

9. Do you write smut?

No.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have a couple Star Wars x Undertale crossover fics. I actually recently decided to redo the entire AU awhile ago but never finished the concept art for it. Here's my togruta Toriel design for this AU actually:

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of fortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No I haven't. It would be cool if someone did translate one of my fics though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I have not, and although it could be interesting, I think I'd end up getting stuck with how I saw the story going.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I'm not going to lie probably grimsoka.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

That's actually probably a good portion of my WIPs. Soldier In Peacetimes was an interesting Time Travel AU though that could have a nice ending if I ever got back to it.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Definitely dialogue! Although I would also say probably just scenes that really dive into a character's emotional pain as well. I love hurting my blorbos <3

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Describing what a character looks like. I know I don't have to do that for the majority of canon characters but I rarely, if ever, describe what Grim looks like 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it depends on the fic tbh. I haven't really done this before. Except now I'm struggling in ALATL because of the beginning of Return Of The Jedi and all the huttese.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! (Although this was before I had A03)

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

The Clone Wars Gets A New Victim. I think it's always going to have a special place in my heart. It's my longest fic and was the first time I really finished a multichapter story. I don't think even As Long As There's Light is going to replace TCWGANV in my heart.

I'm tagging: @jedi-valjean @jgvfhl @shrinkthisviolet @veradragonjedi @darth-caillic and anyone else who wants to do this!

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2021 | Day 10: OMG They Were Roommates!

Showing Affection | @destielshipper4cas

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,760 Main Tags/Warnings: Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Pining, Omega Cas, Alpha Dean Summary: When Dean’s girlfriend breaks up with him because he ‘isn’t capable of showing affection,’ he is hell-bent on proving her wrong. His best friend and roommate Cas seems like the best test subject to do so. After all, showing affection comes easy to him when Cas is concerned.

Hot Mess | @vampamber

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,069 Main Tags/Warnings: pwp, recreational drug use, Cas acts like endverse Cas, voyeurism, mutual masturbation Summary: When he’d placed the ad for a roommate, Dean hadn't exactly got what he expected. The first guy to answer had been exactly what he expected, sure. Gordon seemed perfectly acceptable on paper, but something about him creeped Dean out. He did a quick background search on the guy after he said he'd think about it, and was glad he did. Two different assault charges, even though they were almost a decade ago, still made Dean decide to never call the guy, no matter how desperate he got. The second guy that showed, though? Dean had no idea what he’d been thinking, even letting him through the door. He reeked of pot, and looked like he might've been at least a little high during the interview. But he had great references from all his former roommates, and nothing came up on the background check Dean did after he left (not even a possession charge, like Dean had expected), and since New York was such a damn expensive place to live, he called him up and said the room was his.

My Love is Carried to You By My Feet | @one-more-offbeat-anthem

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,337 Main Tags/Warnings: snowed in, friends to lovers, roommates, sickfic, writer!Castiel, nursing student Dean Summary: Dean and his roommate and best friend, Cas, are snowed in together for the time being, which wouldn't be so bad if Dean hadn't been hopelessly in love with Cas for years. And then Dean gets a cold.

Pizza Man | @imbiowaresbitch

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,406 Main Tags/Warnings: The Pizza Man (Supernatural), Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, POV Alternating, Love Confessions Summary: Dean and Castiel are roommates in their third year of college. Cas frantically shows his best friend a horrible typo on the latest ad for the pizza place where he works, just knowing it's going to ruin his night.

You're My Home | @maleyah-givemetomorrow

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,724 Main Tags/Warnings: Genderfluid Cas, bisexual Dean, protective Dean, hurt/comfort, Soft boys, getting together, friends to lovers, coming out, first kiss, cuddles, fluff Summary: His tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth, when he tries to speak, so the one word sounds like a whole effort, slurred and gruff. “Cas?” There’s a sharp intake of breath and then the hesitant clicking of heels on the floor. “Dean…? You’re awake?” “Mmyeah,” he groans. He wants to move, but he fell asleep in the worst position and he’s stuck in the sheets, his legs tingling violently. “You alright?”

Infamous | @verobatto

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3,815 Main Tags/Warnings: Pornstar!Dean, roommates, smut, top!Dean, bottom!Castiel, friends to lovers Summary: Dean is secretly in love with his best friend and roomate Castiel. But it's not the only secret he keeps. Dean is one of the most hot bisexual Pornstars in the industry. Dean knows Castiel never would find out his secret because the guy is the most puritan socially awkward man in the world, and he would never watch a porn movie. But Hannah, Castiel's girlfriend, decides to play him a joke and one night he surprises her boyfriend with a gay porn movie called 'Infamous'. Imagine Castiel's face when he sees Dean, the friend he knows for years, playing the main role with a magnificent performance.

Revelations | @shealynn88

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6,727 Main Tags/Warnings: Concern that someone is suicidal (they aren’t) Summary: Dean is a mechanic in Sioux Falls. Castiel is the new gas station attendant. Dean needs a roommate, Cas needs a place to live. And thus, they were roommates!

Yes Homo | @celipuff

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 10,012 Main Tags/Warnings: Roommates, Top!Cas/Bottom!Dean, Top!Dean/Bottom!Cas, Switching, Bisexual Dean, Gay Castiel, Dean’s First Time With A Man, Mutual Masturbation Summary: Dean tells himself that jacking off next to his best friend isn’t homo if they don’t touch. The problem is... once he sees it? He absolutely wants to touch.

Molly Ringwald is Still a Bitch | @kingdumbass

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 13,871 Main Tags/Warnings: College AU, Roommate AU, Mutual Pining, Top!Dean/Bottom!Cas Summary: Castiel has got it bad for his college roommate Dean, but Dean would never fall for a guy like Castiel... Would he?

Grow For Me | @imbiowaresbitch

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 20,082 Main Tags/Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, top Alpha Castiel/bottom Omega Dean Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Biting, Claiming Bites, Mpreg, Misunderstandings, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Sexual dialogue, Happy Ending Summary: Dean is desperate for a housemate after Charlie moves out. After interviewing several potential tenants with near disastrous results, he meets Cas. Can the lawyer with the strange habit of talking to plants fit into Dean's life?

The Winchester Breakfast Special | @thefandomsinhalor

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 33,602 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern Setting AU, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, Pining, Miscommunications Summary: Watching Dean cook breakfast after a long night of steamy passion is something Castiel gets to witness on nearly every Sunday morning. The only problem is that the meal in question is never cooked for him: He’s just the roommate.

alone together | @dothwrites

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 74,239 Main Tags/Warnings: Quarantine Fic, Roommates, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, minor angst, Domestic Fluff Summary: Like the rest of the world, Dean Winchester’s job sent him home with the supplies necessary to work from home and a vague farewell of “We’ll see you when this all blows over”. Unlike the rest of the world, Dean Winchester is entering into a quarantine with Castiel Novak, his incredibly hot and incredibly uninterested roommate. How is Dean supposed to concentrate on his job while Cas is just a few feet away, being...well, Cas? Castiel Novak was already working from home, so the news of social distancing doesn’t affect him that much. What does send him into a panic is the knowledge that Dean Winchester, his stunning and straight roommate, will also be working from home for the foreseeable future. After spending so long trying to distance himself from Dean, Castiel now has to face a future where Dean is present. All. The. Time. They’ve got food, Internet, and all the toilet paper they need, but neither one of them is prepared for quarantine.

[castielle-deanna]

Destiel fanfic masterlist

My Destiel fanfics in decreasing word count order:

Hold me tight or don't (Explicit, words: 37,677)

Tags: Canon Compliant up to 15x13 // First Kiss // Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker // Conversations in the Impala // falling!Castiel // New Relationship // First Time // Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love //Art Embedded //soundtrack

Summary: With Jack’s soul now back, the four inhabitants of the Bunker are working on establishing a new routine. Between hunts, God’s wrath hanging over their heads and Castiel’s dwindling grace, the angel is not particularly eager to mention his deal to the Winchesters. With everything that’s going on, allowing himself to be happy sounds impossible anyway, right? Wrong…

With art by the fantastic @lizleeships

“Why now?” The angel asked quietly, taking a small step back.

Dean's fingers tightened on the tie he'd been holding onto as if it was a lifeline. “You said we were real. I want to believe it.”

“Even if it ends in pain?”

“Cas, everything I do ends there, eventually. There is always a bigger, heavier, smellier shoe waiting to drop. Holding back in fear of it doesn't make it any smaller, lighter or... or... “

“Less odoriferous?” Cas offered.

“Is that even a real word?”

“It is, indeed.”

“Sometimes you sound like you eat dictionaries and Victorian novels for breakfast,” Dean shook his head, grinning.

My unintended (Explicit, words:10,202)

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending // Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On // FUCK CANON! // Saving Dean Winchester - Retconning the finale - The fangirl business // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex // Slow and Romantic Sex // Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester

Summary: At first, Castiel is ready to honour his part of the deal with the Empty, but then Jack shows up with distressing news...

With art by the fantastic @jeanne-de-valois

Cas heaves Dean into a bridal carry, struggling under his weight, but still he shifts slightly when Sam moves closer to help. He knows he needs to stop keeping Sam away, because it’s not fair, and it’s not what Dean wants anyway, but Sam accepts it and simply hangs back with a nod before he speaks again.

“I also know it’s not my business, but… do you think you could talk to Dean once he’s up for it? I’m not blind, or stupid. You two have to stop only holding each other like that when one of you is hurt or dead.”

Love me right (Explicit, words: 2,436)

Tags: Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Porn with Feelings // Dean Winchester Wears Panties // Light Bondage // Panty Kink // Wing Kink // Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester // Light Dom/sub // Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester // Light BDSM // Dean and Castiel watch porn then recreate it

Summary: Dean asks to be tied up - who's Cas to say no to that? Written for a prompt by @winchester-reload on Patreon: "Thee Pink Panties"

“I want you to tie me up,” Dean blurts out one morning, closer to being asleep than awake still. He has no idea if Cas is even in the bedroom with him - for once, the angel is not curled around Dean with his whole body, their limbs entwined to the point where they can’t tell where one of them ends and the other begins, cliché as it is.

There’s no reply, so Dean lifts his head and blinks the grogginess away to look around. Cas is in the room, sitting cross-legged on the green couch by the wall with an open book in his lap but he’s staring at Dean with eyes so comically wide Dean would think it humanly impossible if he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes.

“For fun,” Dean adds in hopes that Cas catches his meaning. The angel looks slightly less taken aback at that, but he still appears confused and tilts his head as if a slightly different angle would help with unraveling the mystery of Dean's words. “During sex, Cas.”

Rewind the exit (Teen And Up Audiences, words: 2,408)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair // Fix-It // Grief/Mourning // Angst with a Happy Ending // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love // Grieving Dean Winchester // Grieving Sam Winchester

Summary: "Rewinding the exit wound, I'm holding on to you 'Cause I need words like anyone, and I need love like everyone With those words I'm strong enough, and I need love like everyone." (Rewind the exit by Volbeat) Obligatory 15x18 fix-it.

The Bunker is haunted. It's haunted by two faint apparitions of humanity who mostly pass each other by in the corridors like ships in the night, silent and distant.

Dean prays. Every morning, every evening, and most waking hours between the two, he prays. He doesn't know if Cas can hear him, but the faith that he can is all Dean has, so it has to be enough.

It's not enough. Yet Dean clings to it, because if he doesn't have that, he doesn't have anything.

Bite me (Mature, words: 1,407)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence // Vampire Dean Winchester // Mild Blood!Kink (comes with the territory) // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss

Summary: After Dean gets turned into a vampire during S06E05 - Live Free or Twi-hard, instead of going to Lisa's, he prays to Cas. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Vampire!Dean having a Cas snack"

“I can get you through this, and then we’ll burn any other bridges as we get to them,” Cas says earnestly.

“That’s not how the saying… you know what, never mind. I don’t want to get through this! I told you to kill me!” Dean pushes Cas away, but the angel holds onto both of his shoulders to stabilise him until Dean shakes him off in defiance. “Fucking stubborn angel, why can’t you just do as you’re told?”

“Because I’ve decided to disregard stupid orders!” Cas shoots back, and his previous stoicism is gone entirely. His eyes flare faintly with the light of his grace as he shrugs off his trenchcoat and goes to work on loosening his tie.

I wanna get you back again (Mature, words: 1,176)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair // Canon Divergence // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss

Summary: Dean breaks into the Empty to save Cas. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Come on and lay it down/I've always been with you/Here and now/Give all that's within you/Be my Savior"

“Am I wrong in assuming that our friend who has the fashion sense of a flasher wasn’t the only one in love?” Balthazar smirked.

“Huh?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Bit slow on the uptake, aren’t we? You know what, don’t answer that,” he shrugged, rolling right over Dean’s indignant splutter. “I’m talking about Castiel.”

“I know!”

“So which part of my question was confusing then?”

“Fuck you, Feather Boa, the Empty is trying to push me out and you want to chat?” Dean scoffed, trying to stomp his way past him.

“Your trenchcoated boyfriend is that way,” Balthazar said dryly, pointing to his left.

Forward is just the way ahead (General Audiences, words: 1,091)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor // Baby Jack Kline // Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent // Tattoo Artist Dean Winchester // Single Parent Castiel

Summary: Tattoo artist Dean falls for client. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Cas getting tattooed by Dean (or the other way around)"

“So,” Dean began, “It’s a simple black design, correct? Four rows of symbols?”

“Yes. It’s actually a warding-slash-protection spell in Enochian, the language of Biblical angels. There’s… well, there’s a story to it,” Cas chuckled.

“Is part of that story that you were named after an angel?”

Cas’ chuckle changed into full-blown laughter. “Yes. I have to say I wasn’t expecting you to know that. In fact, all my siblings have angel names, except for Luke, but only because they wouldn’t allow my parents to officially name him Lucifer…”

Waffles or kisses (Mature, words:1,026)

Tags: Domestic Fluff // Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural)

Summary: Cas tries to make breakfast for Dean - it doesn't quite work out... Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Great British Bake Off contestants with fewer clothes and lots of flour!" I have nefariously tweaked the prompt to allow me to play in the canon!verse.

“You look like one of the Great British Bake Off contestants, but with fewer clothes... and lots of flour, what the hell are you even doing?” Dean guffaws.

“Is that Dean?” A slightly tinny female voice comes from somewhere underneath the bowls, and it takes a moment for Dean to recognise it.

“Hi Jody!”

“Am I on speaker?”

“Yes,” Cas says, rolling his eyes. Dean finds that his behaviour is not unlike Miracle’s after the dog got caught chewing Sam’s 3rd pair of slippers to shreds, and the comparison draws another laugh out of him.

“Hi, Dean,” Jody says warmly. “Nice to hear your voice, though it would be even nicer if you were the one calling, rather than hijacking a conversation between Cas and I…”

Dean ducks his head as Jody’s “mom voice” tries to work its magic on him. “I’m not hijacking anything! Can someone explain why my kitchen and my… Cas are head-to-toe covered in flour?”

“I was trying to make waffles for breakfast,” Cas replies barely audibly, looking down, shoulders drooping.

With those words I'm strong enough (Mature, words: 703)

Tags: Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy // Dean Winchester's Birthday // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Non-Explicit Sex // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love // Dean Winchester Says "I Love You" // Pillow Talk // Dean Winchester Lives // fuck 15x20

Summary: It's Dean's birthday and Castiel doesn't waste a single second to wish him a happy one (Utter finale denial and slight sap below.)

“Where did you go, my love?” Cas asks, ruffling Dean’s hair, curling a longer-than-usual strand of it around his index finger.

“Thinking.”

“Uh-oh, that’s never a good thing,” Cas deadpans and Dean whacks his upper arm with very little force. “Ow.”

“Sarcastic asshole in one moment, drama queen the next,” Dean grumbles, and he fully intends to kiss it better, but before he could get around to it, he’s pushed onto his back and there’s a former angel of the Lord straddling him with a grin on his face.

Domestic (General Audiences, words: 462)

Tags: Domestic Fluff // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Fallen Angel Castiel // Suptober 2020

Summary: Middle-of-the-night Destiel chat. Just a lightning-quick ficlet as my first and possibly only entry to Suptober 2020. The prompt was 'domestic'

“Of all the human things, the constant need to urinate is the worst,” Castiel complained as he slid under the covers with a yawn.

“The worst?” Dean huffed in sleepy amusement. “Being shot is worse. Broken bones. A toothache…”

“They are worse, but they are temporary. Urinating is permanent. I will have to put up with it for the rest of my life.”

[calaofnoldor]

Forsaken

Characters: Sam x Reader (gender neutral), Dean, Bobby (mentioned)

Words: 709

Summary: Sam chose Ruby over you, and now he has to pay the price.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, low self-esteem, unrequited love?

A/N: an angsty little sam drabble that came out of nowhere. if you wanna get in the mood, i recommend listening to: i can’t make you love me by bon iver and hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi.

MASTERLIST

“What!” Dean starts, shock and betrayal written across his face, but you simply look on with defeat and resignation written across yours. “I-You-Wh- “ he sputters as his wide eyes sweep over your withered form and his lips part in confusion.

You wait a moment, knowing you must look every bit as exhausted and dejected as you feel, but trusting that Dean, the kind and brilliant man he is, will eventually understand your decision, though perhaps not yet.

“Y/N, you can’t just up and leave now!” Dean throws his hands up in disbelief, “Not when he’s finally got his soul back! Not after everything we went through to get here!” His deep voice resounds throughout Bobby’s basement, but his reasoning falls upon deaf ears for you’ve already made your mind.

So you stay quiet, watching Dean solemnly, letting your eyes relay the forlorn and despondent emotions that have done nothing but fester within you since he called to ask you for help retrieving Sam’s soul from the devil.

“Y/N, come on,” Dean continues to implore, “I know this isn’t you. I know how much you care about Sam.”

A humorless scoff falls from your lips, “He’s the love of my life, Dean.” Tears begin to form in your eyes, despite your best efforts to restrain them, “But I’m not his,” this time your voice breaks, “And I never will be.”

“No, see, I think if you just talk to him-“

“Dean, he chose a demon over me. I think that’s enough to know that he will never choose me.” You lick your lips and look down at the musty floor before adding quietly, “I don’t even know if I would want him to, after that.”

“Y/N/N, I need you to really think about this,” Dean pleads, afraid of how Sam might react when he wakes up and you’re gone.

“I have. I promised you I would help get his soul back, no matter the cost. And now that it’s done, you don’t need me around anymore,” you try to smile at older Winchester, but you’re sure it comes off as more of a grimace.

“That’s not true. I still need you, and so does Sam,” Dean states resolutely. “I know you’ve been hurting, but this isn’t over. We still don’t know how Sam’s body is gonna react to all this. You saw what it was like putting the damned thing back in there.”

“Dean, it kills me every time I have to see him in pain. I feel like a piece of my soul gets pulverized every time I’m forced to watch him suffer, every time he screams out. But what use is it?!” you demand brokenly, your tears finally pooling over, “I can’t help him the way I want to, if he won’t let me, if he doesn’t love me back!”

You lean your back against the cold panic room door, trying to calm yourself and your rapidly beating heart after your little outburst. Dean’s eyes have begun to water as well, and he looks at you with such sorrow and pity, you’re forced to avert your eyes.

“I’m not doing anyone any good by staying, not you, not Bobby, not Sam, and definitely not me.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean finally croaks, “It’s my fault for calling you. I should have known what seeing Sam again would do to you, especially with the way he was.”

You shake your head, “It’s nobody’s fault but mine. For being too stupid, too delusional to see the truth. But I can’t do this anymore, Dean. I have to move on.”

As you expected, Dean offers a desolate nod of understanding, his green eyes filled with remorse and compassion. “I wish things were different.”

“Me too. Maybe in another life, I’ll be good enough, maybe I could make him love me,” you sigh at last.

“Dumbest fucking decision he’s ever made,” Dean grumbles, before he grabs you by you shoulders and pulls you into a tight hug.

Unbeknownst to the two of you, Sam had regained consciousness about an hour ago, still chained to his cot in the panic room. Completely immobile, he had listened helplessly through the opening in the door, feeling utterly demolished as the tears streamed silently down his face.

A/N #2: thank you for reading; feedback is greatly appreciated!

pond tag list: @manawhaat @blushingsamgirl @notnaturalanahi @whispersandwhiskerburn @roxy-davenport @deathtonormalcy56 @samsgoddess @frenchybell @for-the-love-of-dean @mysupernaturalfics @spn-fan-girl-173 @deandoesthingstome @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @fiveleaf @deansleather @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @waywardjoy @mrswhozeewhatsis @captain-princess-rose @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @kayteonline @supernatural-jackles @idreamofhazel @wevegotworktodo @babypieandwhiskey @wi-deangirl77 @deantbh @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @chaos-and-the-calm67-blog @memariana91 @chelsea-winchester @becs-bunker @ageekchiclife @your-average-distracted-waffle @drarina1737 @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @castieltrash1 @supernaturalyobessed @mysaintsasinner @ohwritever @ruined-by-destiel @winchester-writes @zombitch-inthemegacoven​ @maraisabellegrey-blog @faith-in-dean @winchestersmolder @clueless-gold @melbelle45 @winchester-family-business @4401lnc @there-must-be-a-lock @just-another-winchester @canadianjelly @emoryhemsworth @serenity-sam @cas-backwards-tie @canadianspnhunter @mostly-shawn @sierra-grace1227 @firefly-in-darkness @emilyshurley @deanwanddamons @idreamofplaid @emptycanvasposts @writingbeautifulmen @supermoonpanda

[tiriansjewel]

2021 Thank Yous

hey folks! We’re already seven days into January but I wanted to welcome in the new year by thanking some friends and mutuals and creators that made the previous year brighter and better even amongst the depressing reality of covid and the outside world. You have all been so supportive of me and my work and I love seeing all your work as well, and here’s to 2022!

@daintyduck99- as soon as we started talking in march I knew this was going to be a lasting friendship. You are so kind and thoughtful, and I love your sense of humor. Every time you share a piece of writing with me it warms my soul, you are so talented and create such beautiful imagery with your words. I can’t wait to send you more unsettling Facebook posts for us to both laugh at ❤️

@psyduckappears- I cannot express how much fun I have had talking to you. We always seem to have something to discuss in our ten minute long video rants and you are so intelligent and good at everything you do, it amazes me. Thank you for breaking my heart with all your angst 💛

@nuandia- my goodness, where to begin with you? When we started talking I didn’t realize how many of your fics i had read and loved but I just have to say you are the queen of polyphantoms and writing shit that squeezes my heart. I loved all our absurdly long video calls over the summer and relating over all our anxieties. I really miss you and miss brainstorming with you and I hope we can talk more this year 💜

@phantomsjulie- my dear, you are my oldest friend in fandom and I’m so grateful for you. I love that we just keep hopping fandoms together and I’ve had such fun yelling about all our favorite female characters. You make such beautiful edits and gifsets and that susan/lilliandil fic is still one of my favorite things on AO3. You’re amazing 💗

@theanarik- sometimes I still laugh about the conversation that started our friendship— an asexual lesbian telling a bisexual how to write good mlm spice— there’s definitely some irony there haha. for real though, I love how we can go off about anything and how much great advice you’ve given me, you’re truly like an older sister and I’m so thankful for you. You keep me connected to the batshit craziness that is supernatural and I hope to beta many more destiel fics for you in the future 🧡

@sunsetcurveofficial- I never thought I’d be a person to organize a fandom event but it’s because of you that I got into peterpatter in the first place. I love all your work so much and I know we don’t talk often, but you’ve been so supportive of me and there is no one else (+ the bugs) that I would have rather done peterpatter fest with. You rock! 🖤

@favoriteliar- I am so happy about the fact that we connected through our mutual friend and started smashing our brains together and seeing what happened! You are hands down my favorite creator in the jatp fandom- you do it all and you do it all well, gifs, art, fic, headcanons, and just being a supportive friend. You’ve stuck around even when others have lost interest and been such an original voice. Here’s to actually finishing the dark AU in 2022 since I have actually been working on it lately lmao (famous last words) 💚

@hyperfixated-bastard- still can’t believe we met in a saf discord. Seriously though, you’re a bop. You always make me laugh because your sense of humor is top tier, I love that we get to be a disaster bi and lesbian duo, so cool for us. Embrace the horse girl cringe! You’re one of my best friends and here’s to more unhinged facetimes and hopefully meeting in person soon 💙

here are some additional mentions of mutuals or people I’ve had fun conversations with or creatives I really enjoy seeing on my dash! I appreciate all of you so much and sorry if I didn’t get around to mentioning everybody :)

@catoptrific @lucbian @athoughtfox @invisibleraven @julies-butterflies @toorational @sunnysbright @astorytotellyourfriends @calormen @luffys @glasswaters @madnessiseverything

[hawkland]

My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

[samdeancass]

CandyFloss

Requested by Destiel's kiddo on Quotev.

Pairing: Jack x female!reader

Genre: Fluff, tiny bit of angst.

Characters: Jack, Y/N,

A/N: Y/N is Crowleys daughter.

Description: Jack and Y/N are visiting an amusement park, where he has his first taste of candyfloss.

Jack had been through a very hard time lately with his father taking his powers and Dean being possessed by Michael. He was becoming overwhelmed with grief and anger; he hardly left his room and was struggling to come to terms with his new way of living: being human.

You had tried everything to coax him out of his room and you were beginning to feel hopeless. You knew that a demon shouldn’t feel so strongly for another being, but Jack brought out the best of you. He made you want to be good.

After your father’s passing; sacrificing himself for the sake of the world, you felt anger that you had never experienced before. You wanted to follow in your father’s footsteps, you wanted to be able to save the world, but still have people in the palm of your hands that you could control. You completely changed when you witnessed your fathers death, and the Winchesters could sense it. The brothers and you had become really close thanks to your father. It broke them inside seeing you so broken.

All of the anger and frustration melted away though when you set your eyes on Jack for the first time. You stood still when he knocked Sam and Dean down, completely unfazed by the situation. He stood up and cocked his head to the side in confusion before running off into the surrounding forest.

It’s safe to say that Jack had helped you through the worst time in your long life, he gave you something to hope for, somebody to love. He made you happy and has helped you become the hero that you wanted to be. Just like there are bad angels, there are good demons.

Now it was time for you to help Jack through this terrible time. Jack was always fascinated with human enjoyment and always wanted to try new things, especially candyfloss. Castiel had once told Jack that when he was human, he tasted candyfloss and that it tasted like flavoured clouds, soft and sweet. Jack had mentioned it nearly everyday since, so you decided to find somewhere that would both be fun and have candyfloss.

After about a hour of searching, you managed to find a nearby amusement Park and you knew that it was the perfect thing to cheer Jack up. You ran towards his room and knocked on the door, waiting for a response. When you didn’t get one, you slowly opened the door and entered the room, making sure to close it behind you.

You noticed a figure lying down on the bed in front of you and suddenly felt very sad. All of the human emotions where still very new to you so you felt each emotion very deeply. You walked over and sat on the side of the bed, running your hand through Jack’s hair.

“Hey, you. How are you today?” You listened for a reply but got nothing. Sighing you walked over to the other side of the bed to face Jack and switched the bedside lamp on. “C’mon, Jack. We need to get you out of this room. It’s really not good for you to be by yourself.” Again, nothing. You stood up and slowly walked towards the door. “Alright then, Jack. I suppose we won’t go to the amusement park and taste some candyfloss.”

Jack’s head lifted up off the pillow with his eyes full of excitement and wonder. “I want to go. Please, can we go?” A large smile erupted onto your face and you turned around, nodding your head. Jack leaped off the bed and ran towards you, engulfing you into a hug.

You took a car from the bunkers garage and started the drive to the park about 10 minutes after telling Jack. He was bouncing up and down in his seat, a large, excited smile taking center stage on his face. He stared in wonder at the large rides as you pulled into the parking lot. You switched off the engine and sat in the car for a little while, just staring at the wonder before you.

“Shall we go inside, Jack?” He nodded his head and you both got out of the car, making your way towards the entrance, hand in hand. Once you paid the entrance tickets, Jack immediately wanted to find the candyfloss stall and made it his first mission.

After what seemed like forever, you finally found the stall and bought two. Jack licked his lips when the vendor handed him the sweet treat and immediately delved in. His eyes went wide as the first piece went onto his tongue, the sweet taste taking over his senses. You smiled at Jack, happy to finally see him happy.

“Y/N, Castiel was right. This does taste like clouds!” You laughed at your boyfriends excitement and took his hand to guide him along the twisting paths of the park.

Each ride that Jack spotted, he wanted to go on and of course, he pulled you with him. The bumper cars were his favourite, he loved riding around and bumping into different people without having any consequences. Although, he did like winning prizes at the stalls. The smile on his face when he realised he won was absolutely precious.

When it was time to head back you wanted to go on one more ride: the Ferris Wheel. You and Jack handed the vendor your ticket and sat down on the seats. The sun was beginning to set, which made for a very stunning view. As the wheel began to move, you and Jack stared at each other and smiled. Today was the best day the both of you had had in a long time and you could see the difference in Jack already. His shoulders were no longer slumped and he was very relaxed. When the wheel reached the top, it stopped for a little while for you to enjoy the view.

You looked out of the window and sighed at the beautiful surroundings that faced back at you. “Thank you, Y/N.” You turned back around to Jack who was staring at you with a sincere but happy expression. “There’s no need to thank me, Jack. I am helping you through your hard time, just like you helped me through mine. It hurts me to see you upset, Jack. I had to try some way of making you happy, and this way worked.”

Jack took your hands in his and kissed the top of yours before leaning in and placing his lips on yours in a sweet, simple kiss. You stayed like this for a few seconds before breaking away. “I love you, Y/N.” You stared at him in shock. You didn’t even know that Jack knew what love was. You stayed silent in shock for a few seconds before replying. “I love you to, Jack.” You both embraced in another kiss until it was time to get off.

You stepped off hand in hand and made your way towards the car to head back to the bunker. The ride home was filled with smiles and hand holding, gestures that would have made you feel sick a few years ago. Jack had changed you for the better and you never wanted to let him go.

Once you arrived at the bunker, you and Jack headed straight to your room. You both lay down on the bed and held each other in your arms. After a little while, you heard soft snores coming from Jack. You looked up and smiled seeing that he was asleep with a small smirk on his face.

It meant the world to you for Jack to be happy and you were going to spend every moment trying to make that happen. He was the most important thing in your life and he deserved all the happiness in the world.

Tags: @akshi8278 @stellastyless

[dwimpala-67]

Nothing Without You

(copy pasted from my Ao3 as part of anniversary of 15x18)

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Supernatural

Relationship: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Featuring the Dead Angel Castiel.

Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform,

Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Boys Kissing, Boys In Love, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Season 15 Episode 18, Post 15x18, POV Dean Winchester, Castiel is dead, Angst and Feels, Hurt/Comfort, otp: wincest - Freeform, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Anti Destiel, The Author Regrets Nothing.

Nothing Without You

DWImpala67

Summary:

Dean and Castiel decide to hunt down and kill Death. When Death comes after them, Dean is hit wit many revelations and doesn't know how to respond. But once Castiel is gone, it hits Dean hard, just how much he's let down everyone, including his brother. Especially his brother. Sammy's back to save his brother from cracking. Like he always does.

warning: Read the tags/notes before you read the fic.

***

Notes:

After watching the episode 18, I just had to write this. The episode was so badly written so I had to get into Dean's head and write how he would feel.

Warning: This is anti destiel. If you like the Dead Angel please don't read. Hate won't be tolerated. This is a wincest fic. The comments are now moderated because hellers have started circulating this in GCs and leaving hate comments behind.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to the showrunners. This is written purely for entertainment purposes.

This is not a beta version. English is not my language so pardon please. All mistakes are mine.

Happy Reading.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

****

“Dean”

“Dean, where are you? Answer me, damn it.” Sammy’s voice echoed around the bunker. 

It feels good to hear his voice and know that he’s alright. But how do I reply? What do I tell him? How can I face him when all I did was let him down, again. Here sitting on the floor, holding my head held in my hands, I can’t stop my tears from flowing down my eyes. 

Everything seems to be falling apart and there’s nothing I can do about it. The devastating thing to know is that the one I thought was my best friend just betrayed me. I understand now, why the angel did everything in the past. From calling Sam an abomination to breaking the wall that Death put in his head and making him suffer to telling me at the last moment that he had made a deal with The Empty, it was all because he loved me. 

It’s stupid thing for anyone to say that they did horrible things to the one person I love, to the one person I care about in the entire world, just because they loved me. If this is the love that I get in return of trusting him, then I don’t want it. That kind of love can rot in hell for all I care. But to think that my Sammy suffered all these years just because the angel loved me is something I can’t process. All because of me. Had I never trusted the angel, he would never have entered our lives and never did these things to my little brother. Yet, I managed to screw up just like I seem to be doing all my life. I think I’ve perfected myself at screwing up better than I thought. 

“Dean, where the hell are you?” Sammy hollers again. 

There’s panic in his voice. I suppose working together for so long now we’re too used to being with each other. So if one of us goes off the kilter, the other one is bound to panic. It’s the pleading in his voice, though, that makes me crack.

 “In here, Sammy.” I reply.

I can never deny anything to my Sammy. It’s probably one of the reasons why when we were kids, I used to let him have my share of food. A wet chuckle escapes my throat when I remember how sweet and innocent my Sammy was. No, is . And I get angry again at the fate that had befallen him just because the damn angel decided he loved me! My sweet little Sammy had to suffer so much. The anger gets better of me and I throw my phone towards the floor and watch as it cracks into pieces, just like my soul right now. I’m afraid...afraid to face my brother. How am I suppose to stand in front of him and tell him that everything he had to go through was because of me! He’ll hate me then. That is something I cannot live with. 

I love my little brother. Of course I do. But I maybe a bit more than I should. I know it’s not allowed but I don’t care. We’re well past that boundary, that invisible line which stopped at brothers and I’d been thrilled the day that we crossed the line that now makes us more than just brothers. He’s my lover. My partner. My everything. If Sammy’s not with me, I don’t know what else to do with my life. I need him.

I hear the footsteps and I know Sammy’s here with Jack tailing behind him. I don’t look up. I can’t . I can feel Sammy’s concern flowing through from where he’s standing at the door of the room. I can’t muster up the courage to look into the soulful eyes of my brother and tell him what just happened. But I know he won’t let it go. He’ll ask me till the time we have a little “heart to heart” which will piss me off. In the end though, I’m sure I’ll be spilling everything to him. After all, he’s the only one who ever understood me. 

“Dean, hey. What happened?” Sammy is now crouching down in front of me, holding my knees. The mere touch sends thrill down my spine. How am I supposed to tell you the horrible truth, Sammy? 

“Dean are you crying? Hey, no…” Sam tried to hold my chin up and make e look at him but I duck my head down and let tears flow silently. “Dean, look at me.” 

There goes again, the pleading in his voice. I just can’t deny that and the little shit knows it very well. Sometimes even uses for his advantage. I can’t fault him though. We’re all at our wits end. He just lost his friend too. Eileen. Then there’s the case of Jack. He’s bound to be anxious. So I look up only to get lost into the color changing hazel eyes. They are just mesmerizing. Now more so because they are full of emotions. He gently wipes away my tears with his thumbs and cups my face with both his hands. 

“What’s wrong, Dean? Where’s Cass?” 

The mere mention of the angel makes me angry. It must have reflected in my eyes, because the next thing I know, Sammy’s face goes tense. There’s worry in there and I need to calm him before we both become a crumbling mess. 

“Billie came after us. And, Cass... Cass is gone.” I manage to tell him. He goes rigid. However stupid the angel might have been, I know for Sam he was still a friend. He cared about him. That’s exactly how Sammy is, loving and caring. There’s one thing that I hide from him. It’s because I feel ashamed that I didn’t pay any heed to my brother’s warnings. Sammy had warned me time and again that there was something weird about how the angel looked at me or even behaved with me. I always passed it up as my brother’s jealousy or over observation skills. But this time, he was dead on right. The angel had been weird with me because he was in love with me, and the fucker told me just before he died.  I want to see if Sammy can call me out on my lie though. Usually he knows if I’m telling the truth or not. This time, I wait for him to ask and sure enough, his question is ready. 

“What are you not telling me, Dean?”

“He made a deal with Empty back when Jack died.” I look at the kid standing right behind Sammy. He looks surprised, eyes wide, the look on his face disbelieving. I feel sorry for the kid. The angel had been a kind of relative of his, helped him show ropes when it came to doing angelic stuff. Jack was bound to be upset. I look back at Sam and continue, “He made a deal that when he is at the happiest moment in his life, that’s when the Empty will kill him. Billie was after us and would have killed us if not for Cass….” I trail off. Because I can’t say he angel sacrificed himself. No...he was selfish once again and did what he thought was best. Never considering how it would make me feel. I know I’m stalling as don’t want to tell this to Sammy but I know I will have to. I have to create a diversion. My brother doesn’t let me though. 

“And if he’s gone then he was at the happiest moment in his life. What was it, Dean?” 

There’s an edge to his voice. I have a feeling that he knows it already. “H-he s-said…”

“Yes.” Sammy coaxes me.

“He said he loved me. That telling me this was the best thing of his life… the happiest moment of his life.” I tell him in a rush. I feel so awkward and ashamed. My brother has gone still. He’s looking at me with big eyes, jaw clenched, and blazing fury in his eyes. He pulls his hands back and I’m feel cold, so cold as if my breath is taken away. I never want to be away from my brother, even an inch of distance between us feels like a thousand miles. I need to feel him, is touch, feel the assurance that he’s still with me. I apologize immediately thinking I’ve enraged him, “I’m so sorry, Sammy.”

He goes soft in an instant. “No, Dean. You have nothing to apologize for. The angel though...it’s good he’s dead or I might just have stabbed him with angel blade or dipped him in holy oil.” 

I’m taken aback by those venomous words. Even for Sammy, this is an extreme expression. He cools down though and looks at me with fond expression in his eyes. “Are you ok? I know he was a best a best friend to you. I’ so sorry, Dean. I wish…”

I know that train of thought. Sammy would have done everything in his power to save the said angel, because he meant something to me. For once, I’m glad that wasn’t the case. “No, Sammy. If ...I’m glad you weren’t here. He’s…” I look at Jack and we share a look. Jack understands and slowly exits the room. “When he said he loved me, it meant he did everything for me. Everything he didn't was because he loved me. Sammy, can’t you understand what he did? He made you suffer, because of me. How can you even say that you could have found a way for him to survive?”

“Nothing was because of you, Dean. You didn’t do anything. Trust me when I say, it’s not on you. Castiel is to blame. Not you. As far as saving him is concerned, it’s simple, Dean. He was your friend.”

“And what about your friends, Sammy? I killed Amy back in the day, just to keep you safe. Hell, I killed your friend because I felt insecure. How can you be so selfless, Sammy?”

“Because I love you, De.”

There’s a vulnerability there. I can see right through him. I can’t stand the distance between us. I slowly get up and pull Sammy with me. As soon as we’re vertical, I embrace him in a tight hug. Countless times, Sammy had told me that the angel loved me. He had been insecure about our friendship from the start. It pains me to think that I failed to assure my little brother just how much valuable he is to me. I whisper in his ear, “There’s only ever been you, Sammy. No one else. Even if the angel had told me his feelings when alive, I couldn’t have reciprocated his feeling back. You know why?”

I know he knows the answer. I can feel my brother smile and I know he’s crying too as his tears soak my shoulder. I also know, he needs to hear it out loud, “Why?” He pulls back and looks at me.

“Because I love you, Sammy. Only you.” I crush my mouth against his. The soft lips, the sweet taste of his on my tongue makes me want to bury myself so deep within him that no one can tell where one begins and the other ends. It’s passionate, hard and soothing, all at once. Like always, I get lost in the kiss and every inch of my soul dances to the tunes of Sammy’s kiss. When we come up for air, he’s smiling so bright that his dimples pop out, I can’t help but kiss him again, all strokes of tongue and indulge a bit more, ending the kiss with small little pecks on his lips. 

My brother crushes me hard against is chest and it’s the best feeling in entire world. I want to take my brother back in my bedroom and make sweet love to him, take him apart slowly and put him back together and cherish his existence. I can’t do that, not now. I know we don’t have much time left to save whatever is left of this world but once it’s done and even if we don’t make it, at least in heaven, I’ll make sure Sammy knows just how much I love him. He’s my entire world, the purpose of my existence, the reason of my living and I am ready to let this world burn if it meant I have to save Sammy. 

There ain’t no me, if there ain’t no you, little brother.

The End. 

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think.

[touchstarvedsam]

I was really gonna ignore that "superior"natural thing but I saw that they seem to have some talented artists. So I thought maybe they are doing something interesting (even if it's destiel) so I checked out their Google doc and omg I'm HOWLING! Eileen calls Sam moosie, Cas calls Dean squirrel. Dean calls Cas kitten, Sam calls Eileen otter. They say it's just a incollection of ideas that might not make it into the project, but you get a sense of what you're dealing with there. And this is from1/?

A brief perusal to see how much attention Sam gets compared to Dean & Cas (a word search gave 27/87/100 results for each respectively, so not too much attention to Sam. But sure, Sam is the favorite character of some of their writers). I'm sure a deeper reading will unearth more (like, Dean saying you are home to Cas, who says we're not at the bunker, Dean replies but you are home. That sounds like something Dean would say. And Dean wishes a tulpa into existence 'cause he misses Cas too much)2/?

They say they want to eliminate plot holes but it seems what's a plot hole depends on whether it serves their ship: purgatory stays (we know they love that arc) even if it makes no sense for Crowley and Cas to go through that much in S6 when apparently there are many ways in and out. Cas, the guy who failed at almost everything he's done, is a "master strategist". Every other retcon of later seasons stays as long as it serves ship purposes. Sam gets his fair share of attention but Dean is the3/?

One who teaches Cas about being human including the textures of food (Sam and Cas pbj moment erasure) and Cas should be the one to teach Jack about his powers (no mention of Sam and Jack's relationship). Other ooc things: Cas rides a bike and when Dean asks says it reminds him of flying. After Cain, Dean takes Cas to the farm for bees (?). Cas and Dean snuggle. Knowing Cas is alive gives demon Dean strength to fight to be cured? Dean speaks enochian to Cas. Cas making a mixtape for Dean. 4/?

Cas being in regarding Dean. "Baby jack walking around in cas’s trench coat going “I’m an angel”." Home alone type ep with Jack. Dean kissing cas's forehead when he's dead in 13.01. Crowley is Jack's godfather and gets him a hellhound pet. Sam has a pet fish? Dean sings you're my sunshine to Cas as he sleeps. "Uncle Gabe". Apparently John dropped Sam and Dean off at Bobby's all the time? I don't think this is canon? Keep 15.18 but change 19&20 (of course). There's no drama or angst like 5/?

Kevin's death or Crowley's death or anything that might add tension to the story. Unless of course it serves the ship so plenty of trauma for Cas including darkness (from the empty) and sharp objects (from Naomi). A small mention of Sam's trauma with Lucifer, thank God, but it's interesting that they have so little Sam. They can say they'll flesh out more arcs for Sam but it's clear he's not a priority from how he's not present where he should be. For example, Dean will explain everything 6/?

To Mary and break her out of her brainwashing. But where's Sam? She's his mother too. Other than Eileen Sam's most meaningful relationship seems to be with his pet fish (still confused about that). Even if this project gets better in the future, which I doubt, it's clear what the direction here is. It baffles me that they think this is superior to the show we have, as problematic as the show is. I wish them best of luck but I don't have any high hopes for this. Thanks for the laughs though. 7/7

Sorry for that long ass rant in your inbox. It's in the middle of the night but I'm cackling after reading their doc and I had to share it with someone. I thought you might find it amusing as well. Hopefully all my asks go through. On the one hand, I feel bad hating on a fan project. But the way they've positioned it ("superior"), the blatant disrespect to Sam, and all the shit their side has pulled since the finale (and long before that) has really irked me. Again, sorry.

I just- this whole thing was a whirlwind of nonsense, it took me a whole week to process it. I don’t even know where to start here, or if I want to just yeet my laptop out my bedroom window into the snow. They really consider their ideas superior to the original show? More like Inferiornatural, to be honest. Superinferiornatural? They can’t even seem to characterize them correctly, let alone come up with a decent plotline or idea.

So we’ll start with the nicknames, since that is where you started. The whole thing is painfully out of character, but the worst (and funniest) of them all is Dean calling Cas “kitten,” I might actually laugh myself into an early grave with that one. Dean gives nicknames to shorten people’s names (besides Sam; Sammy is the only person who gets an extended nickname). He’s not going to give someone a longer nickname than the original nickname he uses for them! And Cas wouldn’t actually give nicknames, especially not giving Dean the nickname Crowley gave him??? Otter?! Moosie?!  W H A T. Can we move on from grade school kiddie crush nicknames?

I’m currently manifesting Dean saying “kitten” in his gruff voice with that lip curl he does sometimes and I’m cracking up about it. Thanks for the amusement, heIIers.

Of course Sam would only be mentioned 27 times to Cas’ 100 because Sam means nothing to them. He’s only ever either been in their way or a cheerleader for that horribly characterized ship of theirs. I just love how, in order to make DestieI, they have to butcher the characters so irreparably that they’re unrecognizable. Good for them, they can’t even have fanfiction of their ship where the characters keep their canon personalities. 10/10 would laugh at again.

I love the Sam erasure. It’s true to the heIIers’ character at least. They’re a one-trick pony. I’m so used to it by now that I’m totally desensitized to their bullshit. But Dean speaking Enochian? What? When and how did he learn that? I can’t see Dean in his 30s sitting there willingly to learn the language of the angels. Not even if his “kitten” is the one to teach him. Dean doesn’t give a fuck about that. If any of them is going to learn Enochian, it’ll be Sam, and they can fight me on that. I will kick anyone’s ass that argues.

I hope the mixtape Cas makes for Dean is just 4 hours of that Spaghetti song by The Wiggles because Cas sucks at doing human things.

I’d love to see the Sam erasure in the Regarding Dean one. Just swap Sam out for Cas? So Cas is the only one Dean recognizes? Hmm. Where would Sam go? A smoothie place? Yeah, as if Dean would remember the angel who he’d barely known for 8 years at that time over Sam who he’d known since he was 4 years old, lol. Sure, Jan.

The entire 5th ask is WILD, nonnie. A pet fish? Dean singing you are my sunshine? Dean kissing Cas’ forehead? LMFAO. Crowley is Jack’s godfather. The KING OF HELL is Jack’s GODfather. I’m- hgfjdksl I’m sure Dean who was ripped apart by hellhounds would love for Jack to have a pet hellhound. Yeah. Absolutely. “Uncle Gabe” yeah, fuck that guy in particular. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t erased Eileen to make SabrieI endgame in their fic. SabrieI is the Sam version of DestieI. It’s just as nasty and abusive :) which was why the heIIers ship it. They’re into abuse. It’s their shtick.

I do wonder what the point of the fish is... Sam has always loved and wanted a dog... you’d think they’d give Sam a dog... but I forgot they don’t pay attention to the show unless the episode has Mushy in the credits. I literally saw a heIIer say they skipped episodes if Mushy wasn’t in the credits... so they don’t know how to characterize Sam or Dean, but from this message they don’t even know how to characterize Cas who seems to be their precious uwu baby angel so I’m not surprised. I can’t wait for them to start releasing this shitshow. It makes for good fodder to make fun of them all over again. They really watched a grand total of 146 out of 327 episodes and thought, “Yeah, my opinion about the show definitely matters,” and I think that’s fucking hilarious.

Sorry for taking so long to respond! Hope I did a good job, nonnie. <3

[yourfinalbow]

Ack anon I'm sorry. Tumblr ate your ask and I'm 🔪 But I saved your ask to put on the Google Doc so don't fret! I have it!

“Hi Ghastie Ghast, I wanted to share a prompt with you lol. I decided to go more holiday theme’d because it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit.

“Your favorite winter drink was back on the menu, so I decided to surprise you with it.”

Please enjoy this prompt lmao”

The nickname made me -_- but hi Little Gray Circle Dude With Sunglasses! Thank you for sending me this! I had fun writing it. I'm assuming you wanted a Destiel fic, so that's what I wrote! (Also bonus points for Saileen as a background ship?) I sort of strayed a little from the prompt and the tone gets heavier as it goes on… 👀 I also accidentally wrote more than intended, so you can read it on Ao3 if that's easier. (And maybe give it a kudos because you’re the best?)

Title: Black Coffee Derangement Syndrome

Ship(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy.

(Basic) Tags: Fluff, Slight Angst, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker, Established Dean/Cas, Established Sam/Eileen, Using black coffee as a metaphor for hypermasculinity, With a whip cream style topping of internalized homophobia. *Finger guns.*

Warnings: Coffee gatekeeping and small sections of fluff that are as sweet as Cas’s Starbucks order. Also I’ve been to Starbucks once. Maybe twice? (Also a single mention of a drug that's commonly found as white powder, the non-descriptive comparison of Sam’s stupid health stuff with emesis, and use of the name that the figurehead for Germany in WW2 bore, just to be safe.)

Rating: T? Maybe? For language?

Word Count: 9k+

Quick thanks to my awesome beta @walksinstarllight! They are a poet and a writing sorcerer (wizard without a hat), and the only reason this fic even makes sense so please go shower them in kudos. (You can find their work here.)

Another thanks to @internetintroverts, who described a peppermint mocha to me in like 300 words because I drink black coffee and know nothing of anything ever. You can find their work here! (There's an Easter egg of one of their fics in this one hehe.)

The first thing Dean did when Cas got back from the Empty was give him coffee.

Okay no.

The first thing he did was fall into Cas’s arms and grip that stupid trenchcoat until his knuckles turned white. Shaking and laughing with hot tears streaming out of his eyes, he told him he was an asshole for leaving him like that. And to never, ever do it again. With blurry eyes and all other thoughts hazy, he told Cas he could have it, he could have what he wanted. Whatever he wanted. He told Cas he loved him too.

But then the next thing was coffee.

Caffeine is a hunter’s number one best friend, and since Cas was human again, Dean knew Sam was going to come at him with his stupid green health drinks and herbal tea. As Cas’s knight in shining armour, (a title used by Dean and Dean only), it was his duty to protect him from the disgustingly liquified rabbit food.

Now he expected Cas to like black coffee, you know, like a normal person.

But no, oh no. Apparently, he was dating a heathen.

Dean had to actually rub his eyes the first time he watched Cas fix his own coffee. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, mouth agape.

Cas was leaning on the counter, humming some song that Dean could neither recognize, nor would he approve of, thank-you-very-much.

(Ok it was Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and it's entirely possible he's listened to it once or twice but he still doesn't approve of it, thank-you-very-much.)

He held his yellow and black striped, bee-themed ceramic mug Eileen had bought him in one hand, and the entire five-pound bag of cane sugar in the other. And there he stood, happy as can be, pouring it directly into his mug.

Dean rubbed his eyes again.

And not even like, a normal amount either.

He just kept pouring, and pouring, and Oh my god he’s still pouring. Dean thought. It would honestly be more believable if it wasn’t sugar at all, and instead was in fact Cas’s secret stash of cocaine.

Dean might actually have to put sugar on the grocery list after he was finished.

His thoughts traveled back to Ishim doing the same thing with his coffee, in the tiny little diner Cas had set up as a meeting place. Dean had barged in that day, not thinking of his brother mocking him, or the possibility of danger inside. His vision was as tunneled as his thoughts  focused only on Cas, not caring about anything else.

By that time the following day, Dean thought they were both going to die. The bloody and uneven sigil on the wall, Cas no more than ten feet away. Not quite within a comforting reach. The room was spinning from the blow to his head, and he could barely make out the words being spat from Ishim’s mouth.

“You blast me away, you’ll blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live, or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall.”

He almost lost Cas that day.

The blood rushed to his ears as his instincts sought out the mark on the wall. Ishim had told him to roll the dice, but in his head he couldn’t look past the chance of rolling a one. Watching the acrylic cube bounce until it decided Cas’s fate. There was no dilemma, there wasn’t even a decision to be made. He would always choose Cas over himself. Silent acts of care he could never vocalize.

An inability to speak formed from fear and cowardice. Like a lion in his stomach scratching at the words until they fell back down his throat.

And it was that inability to speak that led Cas to think he was nothing more than a tool for the Winchester’s to use.

He almost let Cas believe he meant nothing to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

Cas set down the bag of sugar and picked up the pot, the glass making a small clink as it hit the top of the coffee maker. “Goodmorning Dean. Would you like any coffee?” He greeted cheerfully, turning around like he hadn't just put enough sugar to make a pound cake in his coffee.

“Uh.” Dean was still caught off-guard by Willie Wonka over there. “Sure Cas.” He took the coffee pot from his hand and muttered a thank you.

“So,” Cas started while Dean reached into the cabinet for his own mug. “What ingredient do you suggest I put in my coffee this morning?”

“Uh...I don't know man. I drink my coffee black.”

“Yes I know you’re boring Dean, but you can still help me not be.”

“Black coffee isn't boring it's-”

“Dean, if you say ‘manly,’ I will sit you down and make you eat only spinach and kale for a week.” Sam said, walking into the kitchen, hair still spiked up from sleep. He used one hand to sign the words, his other one occupied by Eileen, who was sleepily shuffling closely behind.

Dean looked aghast. “I would starve.” He attempted to sign his indignant response, hands moving sloppily while holding both his mug and the coffee pot.

“I think that's the point.” Eileen said, laughing. She looked at Cas. “Is Dean gatekeeping your coffee aspirations again?”

“Yes.” He answered, ignoring Sam’s laugh and Dean’s huff of exaggerated outrage.

“Have you tried cinnamon?” Sam suggested. “You like Dean’s apple pie, and that has cinnamon in it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Sam. Dean told me not to ever take cooking advice from you.“

“And I stand by that.” Dean interjected suddenly.

“I can cook!”

“Ehhh…” Eileen’s comment bought her a look of betrayal. “Though Sam may be right on this one, you might like it.” She shrugged.

“See.”

Cas pondered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps I will then.”

“Do we have nutmeg?” Eileen said, breaking away from Sam’s grip to check one of the cabinets. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, intending to look through the spice rack, knowing exactly what his girlfriend was getting at.

“You better not mess up my damn kitchen.” He said quickly. “Or you're organising them all next time.”

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing full well Dean would never let him organise the kitchen. Eileen looked through them, carefully turning the bottles around until the labels faced her. She pulled out the cinnamon and clove while she was looking for the nutmeg.

“Found it.” Sam called from the other side of the kitchen, walking over and putting a hand on Eileen’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile, grabbing the plastic spice jars.

She individually tossed each one to Cas. “Use these, it will taste like a pumpkin spice latte.”

“And don't forget the milk.” Sam added.

Cas scrambled to catch the spices, successfully grabbing two of them out of the air, the third one intercepted by Dean.

“What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He looked at Eileen before snatching the bottle of cinnamon from Dean.

“It's a famous drink you can get at Starbucks.” Sam answered.

Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at him. “What's a Starbucks?”

“You know, the coffee shop Alex and Patience drag Jody to all the time.” Dean said.

“I’m pretty sure Donna drags her there too.” Sam added. “Something about girl’s date night out.”

“The one Claire says is for ‘basic bitches’?” He lifted his hands, forming air quotes as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, quietly laughing. “That's the one. She’s probably right, too.”

Cas carefully put the different spices in his coffee, eyeing the mug warily. His light brown coffee now had specs of...stuff in it.

(And unbeknownst to him, there was also a small pile of sugar at the bottom, the coffee so saturated it wouldn't dissolve any more.)

Eileen laughed at the look on his face. “It's good, I promise.”

Sam turned to look at her. “How would you know? Most of the time you get hot chocolate and spike it with bourbon.”

“You’re the one who gets a Pink Drink.”

Dean choked on his coffee. “What?”

“It's strawberry and coconut milk, and it's delicious.”

“Sure it is Sam.” Eileen jabbed.

“So what I'm getting here is that not only have you two been to Starbucks often enough to have a regular order, but Sam gets something called a ‘Pink Drink’?”

“No…” Sam started, trying to find a way to defend them. “Sometimes we…”

“...Make our own drinks.” Eileen snapped her fingers as she finished for him, attempting to save them from the endless stream of good-natured insults Dean would throw at them otherwise.

“Well you two are a real Martha Stewart, aren't you?”

“Yeah, except she's a convicted criminal.” Sam attempted to snark back.

“So are you!”

Before either of them could respond, Cas shoved his mug into Dean's face. “You have to try this, Dean. It tastes like pumpkin pie.”

Dean carefully grabbed the hot mug from Cas and took a sip. He was right, it did taste kinda like pumpkin pie. He took another sip, letting the pleasant flavor sit on his tongue. The different spices mixed perfectly together.

“I mean it's… okay.” He lied.

Dean contemplated his pumpkin themed food options. “Though I would rather just have pumpkin pie.”

Cas took his mug back. “Fine. More for me.” He said with a smirk, mimicking the look Dean gives him every time Cas says he doesn't want anymore bacon, before taking another sip of the makeshift pumpkin spice coffee.

Dean smiled at him, setting his own mug down and moving Cas’s out of the way to pull him into a kiss. He could smell the nutmeg almost as much as he could taste the cinnamon on his lips.

“Mmm we should bake pumpkin pie tonight.” He said, pulling away just enough so he could talk.

“I would like that.” Cas answered. “All four of us could make pie. According to the 'mom blogs', as you call them, it would be a good family bonding exercise.”

“That’s right. And if they want any pie, they gotta help make it. That means more for us if they refuse.” He grinned.

“A win-win situation, really.” Cas smiled before tugging Dean close so their lips met again.

“I love you.” Dean muttered.

“I love you too.” Cas said softly.

Behind their backs Sam and Eileen were fake-gagging at their sickly sweet interaction, but secretly just glad the two of them had finally gotten over their stubborn (and oblivious) selves.

Sam was honestly overjoyed to see his brother finally happy. He would even go as far as saying finally willing to be himself, too. (Not that he would ever say this outloud. Sam can practically see Dean’s eyes roll farther back into his head than should be possible at the words.) All four of them had gone through more shit in the last few months than any normal person would in their entire life. They were all just lucky to be alive, and with that, learning how to savour the little moments of overly sweet normalcy.

(And the pumpkin spice-life Dean had secretly been longing for since they were little kids.)

So of course they were going to help bake pie.

---

“I want to try Starbucks.” Cas said the next morning, both of them still in bed.

Dean groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Can I ask why, or is this one of those, 'I'll tell you later’ disasters like with the slime ingredients?”

“I want to try all the human things that I didn't get to try last time.” He said offhandedly.

Dean pictured Cas’s hurt face when he had told him he couldn’t stay, smile broken as Dean’s own heart shattered from the look the newly-human angel was giving him.

He wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that Cas himself wasn’t the reason, but the lion in his stomach clawed the words down faster than even the thought of ruining Sam’s chances at survival could.

With a pang of guilt from the memory, Dean pulled himself closer to Cas and rested his head on the other man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to preserve as much warmth and comfort as he could until they had to inevitably get out of bed. “Only if you let me sleep like this for thirty more minutes.”

Cas smiled. “Oh, are we making deals now?”

“I’d sell my soul for you.” Dean said cheekily, which earned a glare from Cas. “Believe me, I know.”

After a beat he went on. “Fine, you have a deal.” Before Dean could celebrate by tugging the covers over their bodies, Cas added another clause to their agreement. “But... in true Crowley fashion, you have to seal the deal with a kiss.”

Dean lazily threw his arms into the air. “Victory.”

He turned over, pulling himself upwards until he was just inches from Cas. Cradling the angel-turned-Winchester’s head in his hands, Dean placed his lips on Cas’s, melting into the touch as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around his torso.

When he broke away from the kiss, Dean found himself face to face with the most beautiful smile he had ever laid eyes on, one born from adoration and love. Cas’s eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, but for once it wasn’t a sign of confusion when met with some obscure eighties rock reference. It was a tiny expression of care, and it was one that was truly Cas. Not Jimmy’s, not even one Cas had picked up from him or Sam. It was completely and wholly Cas, and a completely and wholly human thing to do.

He realized Cas had been doing that long before the Empty stole his grace.

Dean smiled back at him, relaxed. Like taking in a deep breath after being under murky water for forty years. He brushed a loose strand of soft, brown hair into its place, before falling back into his spot and closing his eyes. “Crowley would be proud.” He whispered with a soft laugh, smile deepening as Cas joined him.

When their quiet laughter died out, there was a pause, air stagnant and in its own sleepy haze

“Oh and Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean turned his head to look at him, eyes not failing to glow with their unusually bright, green pigment. He took a deep breath, the lids of his eyes already started to slowly fall back down again.

“The slime wasn't a disaster. You enjoyed it.”

“I did.” He muttered sleepily, a loose smile forming on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. Cas laid there, running his fingers through the other man’s hair, contentment and admiration showing itself in every feature on his face.

This was more than he could have ever wanted.

---

“Dean. Dean wake up.” Cas was excitedly whisper-shouting in his ear like a kid on Christmas morning. It was exactly thirty minutes later, (he had counted), and Cas was ready to get moving.

“No.” He answered back, mimicking Cas’s tone.

“But you’re like a cat.” He teased. “You're on me and I can't get up.”

Dean sighed. “I can't believe I let you talk me into this.”

“It didn't take much convincing.”

Dean rolled over to give Cas a playful glare, but was met with the saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, completely throwing him off his guard.

“I'm going to kill Sam for teaching you that.”

Cas just continued to give him that look.

“Fine.” Dean relented, sitting up with a yawn and thinking about how he will now never be able to win another argument.

“Get dressed.” Cas said excitedly. “We're going to Starbucks.”

“Hooray.” He gave a sarcastic laugh, but a smile creeped on his lips.

They walked out of their room together, heading towards the bunker’s library. Dean slid in one of the chairs, turning Sam’s still-open laptop around and waking it up.

Cas, meanwhile, turned to a random page of the lore book resting on the table and started reading in an attempt to pass the time.

The sound of Dean typing filled the air. “So, I just looked it up, and do we have to go to Starbucks?”

“Yes.” Cas said simply, not looking up from the book.

Dean groaned. “Cas there isn't one in the county, let alone Lebanon. That's probably why Sam and Eileen make their own.”

“Where's the closest one?” Cas asked, his blinding, blue eyes glaring at the back of Sam’s computer like he was trying to will the coffee shop to be near.

“I thought it was across state lines and in Nebraska at first, but it looks like there's a small one in a town called Washington. It's about 80 miles from here.”

“Let's go!” Cas excitedly straightened his trenchcoat and headed towards the door.

“Or, we could leave Starbucks to the fourteen year old girls.”

Cas turned back around and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure their entire demographic is fourteen year old girls, staff included.”

Alright, smartass. Dean thought, struggling to hide a smile.

Cas walked out the door, expecting Dean to follow.

“It takes an hour to get there, our coffee’s going to be cold by the time we get home, and it's freezing outside.” Dean muttered under his breath, but he grabbed his keys off the table and stood up, willing to follow Cas to the ends of the earth if it meant he would stay with him.

Not that he was going to enjoy this trip. In fact, he was currently doing the opposite of enjoying, and they hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. Starbucks. Starbucks. Really, Cas? Of all the places he wanted to go, it had to be Starbucks. He couldn’t want to explore humanity through Target or something?

Even Claire wouldn’t be caught dead in that place, with all the frou-frou toppings, elaborate drink mixes, and colourful, drizzled syrup. The people who go to Starbucks are the kind of people who like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee. Teenage girls who might as well just be drinking whip cream, and that was without considering the seasonal drinks they fawn over.

Seasonal drinks that shouldn’t legally be allowed to be referred to as coffee.

Dean couldn’t believe he ever agreed to this, but still, he begrudgingly followed.

---

Using the GPS on Cas’s phone, (Dean said his insane directional skills helped out too), they found the Starbucks relatively easily once they were in the little town.

They parked the Impala, and Dean looked at the modern building. The green lettering contrasted with the tan plaster walls, spelling “Starbucks.”

He heard Cas get out, his feet making a crunching noise as they hit the gravel, and watched from across the top of the car as he started towards the coffee shop. Dean looked at the building warily, reluctance painted on his face.

Cas was telling him some random fact about a bird he saw, but Dean could only think about his reputation that was about to shatter like a vase dropping on tile floor.

Reputation with who? He didn't know.

Well, he had a vague idea, but chose not to let his thoughts wander that far.

It was okay. This was fine. He could swallow his pride and-

“Ooh. The peppermint mocha looks good.” Cas was reading the limited edition drinks on the drive-thru menu as they traveled across the parking lot.

Dean was going to barf.

They walked into the building, immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of excessive amounts of flavoured syrup indoused coffee. Dean glanced around the well-lit building, taking note of the many different people there.

(He wasn’t about to have any black-eyed minions reporting his Starbucks order to a very judgmental Queen of Hell.)

Cas pushed Dean’s protesting body into the line, looking pleased with the many different options written on the menu overhead.

He enjoyed the small touch of Cas’s hands on his back, moving him forwards to the line, but was grateful Cas was careful not to let them linger there too long.

He was still wary about doing… this, in public.

He knew Cas was patiently waiting for him to be ready, so he didn't know how to tell him that he might never be.

The teenager working the cash register interrupted his train of thought. “What will it be for ya?”

“I would like a peppermint mocha please.”

“Alrighty. And you?”

“I'll take just a black coffee.”

The barista looked unimpressed. “And your names?”

Dean grinned. “John and John.”

“No relation.” Cas added.

The barista just sighed. “How do you want me to differentiate the two of ‘em then?”

“Oh you can put ‘John Bonham’ on mine.” Dean replied.

“Comin’ right up.” Their tone didn't change, still just full of apathy that could only be perfected by the work of a burnt-out teenager.

Dean and Cas walked down to the end of the counter and towards the pickup section. “Now tell me, Castiel.” He stressed his partner’s name. “Who’s John Bonham?”

Cas sighed, but the corner of his mouth upturned in a grin. “John Henry Bohnham, affectionately referred to as ‘Bonzo’, born in 1948 and was most well known for being the drummer of the rock band ‘Led Zeppelin’.”

“Mmm very close, but unfortunately you forgot the word ‘best’ in front of ‘rock band.’” Dean smirked before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

“You should have said I was ‘John Bon Jovi.’” Cas said, smiling.

“Why? Because you’re only good at this sometimes?” Dean closed the gap between them.

As soon as their lips met, Dean pulled away instinctively, realization hitting him like a hunter with a bat as his eyes widened in terror. “I-I'm sorry, I didn’t...” His words faltered as he looked around at the people sitting in the coffee shop, all of which were paying no mind to them.

He felt sick, guilt gnawing at him from a pit in his stomach.

“Hey, it's okay Dean. You know I'm perfectly fine with public displays of affection, and no one else even saw us. There's no need to apologize.”

“Yeah-h.” He said shakily. Before he could figure out who he was apologizing to, a voice from behind the counter called.

“I have an order for a mister ‘John’ and ‘John Bonham’.”

“That's us.” Dean spat the words out quickly, turning around to take them from the barista’s hand. He rushed out of the door, the small tinkling sound of the welcome bell and the blood rushing to his ears drowning out the sound of Cas’s call from behind.

He sat in the front seat of Baby, knowing he was being childish. Dean took a shaky breath and tried not to think about it.

About what the hell he was thinking, kissing Cas out in public like that. The judgemental eyes- black or not- that were watching. He thought about what his father would say, mind instantly going back to a moment in his childhood he has tried to forget since it happened, wondering where he went wrong.

About the time John had caught him and Lee, ignoring the weak excuses Dean was stuttering out. Skipping town faster than they had done in years.

About how the left side of his face had been a yellow-ish purple for weeks following, and the sore spot on his arm from where he caught the pavement as he flew towards it.

About how he had told Sam he just fell on a hunt. “Don't worry kid, you should have seen the vamp when I was done with him.” He swung his fist around in slow motion, pretending to punch an invisible enemy as his little brother giggled in childish bliss.

About how John never looked at him the same. The disgust in his eyes, harsh words on his lips.

About how he vowed to never disappoint his father like that again, and their joint hatred for that part of him. Sometimes it felt like the only thing they could agree on.

About how somewhere, somehow, he had decided Cas was different. That he somehow didn’t count, and that losing him hurt so much, was such an egregious pain, he wanted as much of Cas as he was allowed to have. And how that was something insurmountable stronger than the twisted, sick feeling John had placed in his gut.

He remembered something Cas had told him once: “Hatred isn’t a natural trait, Dean, it’s a learned one. A baby isn’t born with the ability to hate, it’s passed on from one broken soul to another. Love, love however. That’s something different altogether.”

Cas’s hand on his shoulder pulled Dean out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey Cas.”

“I love you.” He got in the passenger's seat, taking his coffee from Dean’s still frozen hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered absentmindedly, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but thoughts from the past. His mind fighting an internal battle, logic telling him that what he had with Cas wasn’t wrong, and even though everything from fate to God had tried to wedge itself between them, it was still the most right thing he had. And he knew that, but his dad’s drunken, booming voice echoed throughout his head, telling him that he was dirty. Telling him the Winchester men had no place for someone like him.

“You better stop that now, boy. Bad things happen to you when you’re weak.”

At the time he had taken that as a warning, rather than a threat. But now Dean wasn’t so sure.

It’s not even that his Dad was particularly religious. He wasn’t told that it was a sin, or that he was going to Hell. Though it’s not like that particular statement would have been wrong. He thought with a bitter laugh.

While the thoughts in his head were screaming mercilessly, the drive home was in a simple silence. The only noise being Cas’s occasional sip, and the sound of soft fabric rubbing against skin as Cas moved his hand in small, comforting motions against Dean's back.

When they got to the bunker, Cas, who was genuinely impressed that Dean managed to drive them home without crashing into a tree, pulled Dean out of the car and gently shook him out of his self-imposed stupor.

“Your coffee's cold.” Cas said with a laugh.

Dean blinked a couple times, clearing the fog from his mind, before laughing along with him. “And who’s fault is that? You were the one who insisted on traveling across the state to get it.”

“Do you want some of mine?” Cas asked. “There's a little bit left, and I held it next to the heater. It should still be lukewarm.”

“No thanks, Cas. I can go make some in the kitchen.”

“But what if I want you to try it?” Dean glared at him. “Don't make me do Sam’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ again.”

“Okay, okay. You win.” He put his hands up, mimicking a surrender. “I'll try some of your stupid, Christmas cookie, candy-cane flavoured coffee thing or whatever.” They started walking towards the entrance to the bunker.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“That's the one.”

Cas laughed at him.

“Oh just, give it here.” Dean said. He took a long sip from the disposable cup. He could taste a vague hint of whipped cream mixed in with the coffee, its light fluffy texture sticking to the last swallow of smooth liquid in the bottom of the cup. The chocolate and espresso rested on his tongue, and the peppermint was strong and refreshing. He took another sip.

“Does that face mean you like it?”

Dean looked at him guiltily. “No.” He opened the bunker’s door and started walking down the metal stairs.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don't.”

“You took a second sip.”

Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first, and walked over to the War Room table to set both coffee cups and his keys down.

“So? I was trying to make sure I properly understood the flavour. Since when is that a crime?”

“You wanted to properly understand a flavour you didn't like?” Cas walked up to Dean and pulled the nearest chair out to sit down.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” Eileen asked from the library.

Cas clenched both of his hands into fists, putting the right one on top of the other. He made small, circular, stirring motions with his right hand. “Coffee.” He signed swiftly, movements fluid.

“Ah. That makes sense.” She spoke the words.

“What makes sense?” Sam asked, walking in from one of the hallways, making sure Eileen could see his lips before speaking.

“They're arguing over coffee again.”

Sam glanced at both of them, before his eyes reached the two cups on the War Room table.

“Wait a second… Dean?” He looked at his brother, before turning to face his best friend. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” Cas answered.

“Did you two go to Starbucks?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dean grumbled.

“Yes, we did!” Cas sounded way too excited to be referring to coffee. “I got a peppermint mocha, and Dean tried some and liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I don't care what coffee you like, Dean. What I do care about is that you went all the way to Starbucks, and didn't bother to ask if we wanted to come.”

“Not cool Dean.” Eileen walked in, shaking her head and hiding a smile.

“I might have thought about buying you two drinks, but there was no way I was ordering yours with a straight face.” He looked at Sam. “And it's an hour away, they wouldn't have been hot or cold or whatever they're supposed to be by the time we got here.”

“Well then we'll just have to go back, all four of us.” Eileen put simply.

“It's an hour away.”

“We know.” Sam added.

“Let me say that again, in case you weren’t listening. It's an hour away. For coffee. That isn't even that good.”

“I beg to differ, Dean.” Cas said.

“Yeah I'm definitely with Cas on this one.” Eileen agreed while Sam nodded along.

“No. There's no way I'm getting back in Baby to drive all the way to Starbucks again.”

“Fine. We’ll go get our own.”

“With what car?” Dean said, very sure of himself.

Sam snatched Baby’s keys off the war room table, which in hindsight was probably something Dean should have expected.

“Let's hope Sam doesn't have too many shots of espresso.” Eileen said, faking concern. “I would hate for your baby to pay the price.”

“Fine. I'll drive you.” Dean grumbled while Eileen double fist-pumped her win.

Cas looked very pleased with the thought of getting to try more coffee.

---

They left shortly after, the drive over painful for everyone except Dean, who listened to the same four songs on repeat the entire hour.

(It’s their own fault, really.)

---

“Can we please listen to something other than Bob Seger on the trip home?” Sam complained as he slammed shut the door to Baby’s backseat.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get shotgun.” Dean said, closing his own door. “Besides, driver picks the music, everyone else shuts their cakehole.” Sam mouthed the words along with Dean, having heard the speech a million times before.

Eileen and Cas got out, neither one of them had any desire to input on their squabble, and were instead engaged in their own, quieter discussion.

Both brothers continued to argue until they walked into the Starbucks.

“Ah. There's the scent of overpriced coffee I missed.” Eileen joked as she took her first breath inside the building, using her hand to waft the smell towards her.

“What are you getting?” Cas asked Sam.

“I want my usual, and Eileen, what are you having?”

“Hot chocolate with espresso shots please. This place doesn't sell liquor.” She shook her head sadly and Sam laughed. “Good thing I brought my own.” She winked at them, opening her jacket just enough so they could see the inside pocket and showing off her flask.

“Oh, now that would be a Starbucks I would go to.” Dean said.

“You two wait in line.” Sam pointed to Cas and Dean. “We’ll save a table.”

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but they walked away before he had the chance. Cas leaned over towards him. “Don't worry. I'll order Sam’s.” He very conspicuously winked.

Dean smiled at his attempts of regular human interaction, before over-the-top winking himself.

“Can you order for us? I need to talk to Sam about something.”

“Sure thing…” Cas had to think before finishing his sentence. “...buckaroo.”

Dean outwardly cringed. “Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.” He patted Cas on the back, which was slightly moving in a chuckle.

It was good to see Cas filled with so much simple joy. Face creased from laughter rather than stress, he seemed so much lighter. Happier. It was only a small sliver of what he deserved, but it was something. Maybe he could live with driving an hour to get what he assumed was half-decent coffee.

“What would you like?” Cas asked him, eyes still filled with a sparkle that only comes from gaining something you thought you lost.

“Uh.” He thought about it for a moment, almost considering branching out into the unexplored terrain that was the dark green menu with small, white text, before shuddering at the thought.

“I think I'll take that expensive black coffee I didn't get earlier.”

Dean was not going to turn into one of those people, if he had any say about it.

Cas walked into the line, leaving Dean to scan the room, furiously waving Sam over when his eyes found their booth.

“Sam.” He sounded like he was trying to whisper, but his volume raised far higher than that. The patron closest to Dean gave him a look before turning back to their work.

“Sam, come here, it's urgent.” His brother turned to look at him, rolling his eyes before getting out of the booth.

“What do you want?” He said once he reached Dean.

“Sam. Help. What do I do?”

“About what?”

“About what kind of coffee Cas is having.”

“Oh god, Dean let it go. He's not going to only ever drink black coffee. Contrary to popular belief, former angels do actually have souls.”

Dean ignored the implications that he didn't have a soul, too distracted by Cas. “But look.” He motioned his head towards where Cas was standing, next in line to order. “He’s eyeing the weird fruity drinks.”

“Dean. It's Cas. The man’s favorite food is PB&J. What did you expect him to have, taste?”

“Alright that's rich coming from mister Pinkity Drinkity or whatever the fuck.”

“You walked into a Starbucks and ordered black coffee, I don't think I'm the wrong one here.”

“Wait, wait. Shut up. Quiet.” He hit Sam on the shoulder in a childish attempt at getting him to stop talking so he could listen.

“Ow. That hurt.” Sam muttered, before turning to watch Cas, which Dean was already doing.

“I would like to try a…” Cas methodically scanned the menu again. “A ‘Passion Tango Iced Tea,’ please.” The barista took no mind to the excessive air quotes.

“It's not even coffee.” Dean said to Sam, clearly distraught. He turned to look back at Cas.

“And your name sir?”

“Lizzo.”

Dean threw his arms up into the air. “I can't believe this is the man I love.” His voice cracked like he was holding in tears of anguish from listening to Cas order.

Sam just rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Right, and he’s the dramatic one.

“Aw. You're in love.” Sam held his hands up, forming a heart and mocking his brother.

“Oh shut up. What are you, seven?”

“Is Cas your gay thing?”

“You shut your mo-”

“What are we gossiping about?” Eileen whispered, cutting Dean off and causing them both to jump.

“We're not gossiping.” Sam said indignantly.

“Sam started it.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“This is where I call you two ‘asshats’, right?”

“It's ‘assbutt.’” Cas said, walking up to them and catching the tail end of their conversation. “And that's my line.”

Cas handed them each their drinks, before excitedly trying his own. He put the plastic cup up to his mouth, almost missing the straw. When he swallowed the cranberry-colored liquid, his face relaxed in pleasure.

“I know this one isn't coffee, but it's really good.”

“We didn't get coffee either.” Eileen said. “So don't worry, Dean's the odd man out here.”

Dean glared at her before trying his own coffee, and well, it was coffee. The point of buying expensive caffeine still went straight over his head.

The four of them went over to their thankfully-still-available booth and sat down. Dean and Cas sat on one side, both instinctively choosing the side that faced the door, with Sam and Eileen sliding into the seats directly across from them. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing of importance, before falling into the natural art of storytelling.

Aside from killing monsters, that’s what hunters did best. Sitting around and sharing stories. As tiring and dangerous as their lives were, some hunts were worth sharing exaggerated and hyperbolic versions of, especially over drinks.

Sam’s favourite story to tell changed every time, and one would almost be inclined to believe that most of it wasn't real, but the wildest parts also caused the most merriment. (Dean pretended he hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, sparing Sam by not telling the other two how it actually went down.)

Eileen shared of her time in Ireland. “Foreign country, foreign monsters.” She said with a wink, telling of creatures neither Sam nor Dean had even read about.

Dean’s favourite story to tell, aside from the fact that he killed Hitler, was the time he got to solve a mystery with everyone’s favorite talking dog. And yeah, all three of the people that sat at the table had heard both many times before, but that didn't matter, it was still enrapturing to hear them again.

Cas had millenniums to choose from, but always found the most interesting hunts to be the ones with the Winchesters. He also had many hilarious stories about his adventures with Crowley, but he was less fond of those.

“I remember once, Dean went on a hunt with Dad.” Sam started. “Nasty vampire, it got a hit or two on Dean. I think you guys went with another hunter. Young. About your age, actually. Uh…”

He snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. “Lee. That's it.” Dean looked up from the coffee right as Sam said it. “Do you remember him?”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, but his brother didn't seem to notice.

Cas, who was used to admiring every minute detail of Dean's expression and posture, didn't miss the ever so slight, yet sharp, inhale. Or the way he swallowed before speaking, trying to clear the small lump from his throat.

Dean noticed too, internally rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

“Yeah it's been a while, but I remember him.” Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas’s burning stare from beside him, and the fact that he had stabbed Lee through the chest just last year.

Cas made sure no one was watching before gently placing a hand on Dean’s thigh. Knowing it would comfort him from both intuition and experience. Dean stiffened under the touch, but after realizing no one could see where Cas’s hand was, he visibly relaxed.

“What happened to him?” Eileen asked innocently.

“Oh uh, a hunt I think. Most of us go that way, I assume he was no different.” Technically Dean dealt the final blow, but it was the entrancing call of the monster, greed, and the life Lee and Dean had both secretly wanted, that caused his former-friend’s downfall in the end.

“Yeah.” Sam said solemnly, suddenly lost in his own thoughts, most of which were riddled with grief.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the weight of their many losses wash over them like a tidal wave.

One made of espresso and milk rather than the rough waters of the sea.

---

The ride back was more manageable, Dean allowing them one song choice each, complete with a warning to pick wisely.

(They all very cheekily chose the songs they knew would bother Dean the most.)

---

Full on coffee, cookies Dean bought for them at Starbucks, and brimming with contentment, (as well as the fact that they spent half the day in the car), Cas suggested to Dean that they “hit the hay” as they stepped back into the bunker.

They laid there in silence, breathing in scents of comfort, coffee, and each other, until Cas eventually drifted off to sleep.

Dean, however, continued to lay there. Thinking.

He remembered the first solo case John sent him on.

Something curled inside his gut.

They had been two nuns, their fate a product of hate crime. Put to death for simply being themselves.

Dean didn't blame them for coming back as ghosts.

He remembered the words - ones he would soon learn were slurs - that John would spit out like acid.

Or offhandedly toss like they didn't bear enough weight to shatter the window of a person's self-image.

It had taken him almost forty years to realize that very same window inside of him was in sharp, jagged pieces. Cutting anyone and everyone who came near.

It had taken Cas dying to start picking them up again.

He turned to look at the man next to him, relaxed and blissfully sleeping. His chest moved up and down rhythmically, and Dean slowed his breath to match until he fell into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

---

When Dean woke up, the other side of his bed was cold.

He didn't panic, knowing full well that Cas probably ran to the bathroom, or was pouring another mountain of sugar in his coffee.

Losing Cas again to the Empty had ripped him apart, but months of spending every night with his partner left him with less nightmares and waking in cold sweats then he had since before Hell.

Dean also learned that his own presence was enough to fight off the demons of solid, black goo that plagued Cas’s head at night.

He was finally starting to understand why life seemed to lose all meaning when Cas was gone, and from there he could slowly start to rebuild both of them.

Dean heard soft padding noises as socked feet walked down the hall, and there was a knock on the bedroom door. "S'your room too, Cas. You don't have to knock." He laughed, words slightly slurred from just waking up

Cas walked in, wielding two mugs of coffee and a proud look shining in his eyes. “I made us coffee.” He said triumphantly, handing one of the mugs to Dean.

“I put chocolate and peppermint in your coffee.”

Dean fake-gasped. “You monster. Ruining the integrity of my drink like that.”

“I'm a human, you ass.” Cas responded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Besides, I know you liked mine yesterday.”

“I did not.” He said, discontentedly crossing his arms. “I only drink coffee that's as black as my soul. Darker than the night sky. Hotter than the bunker’s computer when it overheats. As manly as-”

“Oh, just drink your damn coffee.”

“Fine.” He groused. “But I'm not enjoying it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him, before setting his mug on the bedside table and sitting down behind Dean. The bed creaked underneath him as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “Is this why you and Sam never use umbrellas?” He joked.

Dean laughed.

Cas rested his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and whispered. “You know you don't have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Dean asked softly.

“You know.”

“That I don’t like flavoured coffee?” He said with a snort.

“Sort of.” Cas hugged him tighter. “No one’s going to think any less of you Dean. You’re allowed to like the things you like.”

“I know.” He resigned.

“John isn't here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” The words barely came out as a whisper, hot tears betraying Dean’s eyes as they silently leaked out and ran down his cheeks.

He tried to wipe the tears away, hearing his Dad’s voice in his head and knowing he was being stupid.

Dean couldn't help but think of himself as a small, living-room window, from an old, dilapidated house. Stained yellow with age. Cracking from wear.

He let the drumming of his Dad’s words in his head be drowned out by Cas’s voice.

He couldn't unwrap the fuzz from around him, so he didn't know what Cas was saying, ears seemingly filled with cotton. It was just the knowledge alone that he was there. That he was holding him and whispering comforting words into his ear. That even as a human he could heal Dean at his lowest points, and still see him as the brightest, strongest, soul.

You don't really know what a picture is going to be until it's done.

Maybe that window is a beautiful stained-glass portrait.

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “What-what do you have?” He indicated Cas’s coffee by angling his head towards where it sat on the nightstand.

��I made iced coffee.”

Dean just looked at him, astounded, eyes widening. “You mean it’s not hot?”

“Yes, that's where the ‘iced’ in ‘iced coffee’ comes from.” He said very seriously.

They both sat in silence for the next hour, peacefully drinking their coffee and enjoying the presence of one another.

---

When they got out of bed and ventured into the rest of the bunker, they found Sam and Eileen in the library.

They were sitting in adjacent chairs, with Eileen laying her head on Sam’s shoulder and reaching for her water bottle on the table. They were reading a book together, but Eileen shook Sam indicating she had seen them walk in.

“Goodmorning.” She greeted cheerfully.

“Mornin’.” Dean pulled up a chair across from them, and watched as Cas did the same.

“What are you two reading?” Cas asked.

“The Men of Letters’s Bestiary.” Sam said.

Dean snorted. “Ah. Doing a little light reading are we?”

“We're thinking about filling in some of the pages.” Eileen added.

“Yeah, for all of the stuff they have here, it's surprisingly empty.” Sam continued flipping through some of the pages, most of which were blank.

“Heh. I should put you in that thing, Cas.”

Cas let out a laugh. “Right. Because I’m a good example of an angel.” The sarcasm was masking something else in his voice.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been my favourite angel.” Dean only realised how sappy he sounded after it came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rest of them are dicks.” Eileen added.

Cas smiled at that, seemingly back to normal.

“Right, well you three can do that, I'm off to the Dean Cave.”

“Or…” Sam started.

“We could go back to Starbucks.” Cas finished, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“Yeah... that's not where I was going with that, but I like where your head’s at, Cas. We should definitely go back.”

“Eileen?” He asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Dean?”

Dean pressed his mouth into a thin line and glared at him. “Yes, sure, fine. But we're not making this a daily thing.”

“That's fair.” Cas agreed. “It's probably not very healthy.”

He went to grab his wallet and keys before Sam could start his speech on the nutritional value of green things, and Eileen snatched her water bottle off the library table as they all got up to leave.

---

Dean gave up on letting them choose the music after snickering and requesting “Friday” by Rebecca Black for the third time in a row.

(It wasn't even Friday?)

---

Dean stepped out and closed Baby’s door in the parking lot of Starbucks an hour later, kicking the loose pieces of gravel on the asphalt for the third time in two days.

“We might as well just live here.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I wouldn't make that offer if I were you, Cas looks like he’d be totally on board.” Sam laughed.

Cas went and stood beside Dean as they started walking towards the building, smiling.

“What?” Dean asked, question genuine and free of all malice.

“Nothing.” Cas answered, smile not faltering.

His eyes revealed nothing but pure devotion for the man he was staring at. A silent promise, one without pressure, that he would be standing there, and Dean could take the leap anytime he wanted.

Dean was slowly inching towards the end of the diving board.

---

“I think I'll just drink my water.”

“Oh that's exciting.” Sam joked. “If I got you a lemon to go with it, would you be able to handle that?”

“Don't talk to me about my drink, when yours is a vivid green puke colour.”

“Hey, at least it actually has a colour. And a flavour at that.”

Dean couldn’t believe those words were coming from the same man who drinks exactly a hundred and one ounces of water a day. (Which, according to Sam, is the recommended amount for males, as stated by the Institute of Medicine.)

(Dean didn’t care.)

“Fine then.” She turned to look at Dean. “Get me the strongest thing on the menu.”

Dean laughed before turning to Cas. “Let's just go get in line before we suffer at the hands of the Leahy like Sam.”

Sam and Eileen went to look for a place where they could all sit again, playfully bickering the entire way.

While he was standing in line with Cas, Dean looked over at his brother, and found him and Eileen sitting at a small table in the corner.

Cas was still helping him learn ASL, so he caught parts of their conversation.

“If Jack is in every drop of rain, do you think he's in your water?” Sam signed, trying to contain his laughter.

Eileen pushed her water away with a look of disgust. “You’re lucky I love you.” She answered back.

“I know I am.”

He watched her silently laugh before turning back to look at Cas.

They really did have it good, didn't they?

“What are you ordering, Dean?”

Dean stood there silently, contemplating. He internally weighed his pros and cons, mind leaving the menu entirely. While there was still a lot of shit he had to work through, (shit he had been actively not working out his entire life), there wasn’t much of a decision to be made.

He would always choose Cas.

“You know what?” He reached out and grasped Cas’s hand firmly. “I was thinking about being less boring. What ingredients do you suggest I try?”

Cas smiled warmly, reaching the crinkled corners of his eyes. “They have a cinnamon flavoured one. That’ll be almost like apple pie.”

“Will it really?” Dean’s tone was dismissive, but there was a smile on his face.

“Yes, Sam told me.“

“Not that I trust Sam’s judgment, but okay, I think I’ll take one of those.”

“I'm going to have a real pumpkin spice latte this time.” Cas seemed very pleased with the aspect of buying something they could make it home, but Dean wasn't going to fault him for it.

The patron in front of them finished ordering, clearing the way for Cas and Dean. The barista from the first time they went caught sight of them and made a face. “Wait a minute. I think I know you two.”

“Yes, we came here yesterday.” Cas helped. “Well, we actually visited twice, but you weren't working the second time.”

“Right... John and John, how could I forget?”

“This time we're ordering for four though.”

“I would like a…” Dean squinted at the menu, looking for the cinnamon flavoured coffee. “‘Cinnamon Dolce Latte.’ And my devilishly handsome friend here will take the pumpkin spice version.”

“And what are the other two drinks and names?”

Dean whispered something in Cas’s ear. “I'll drink the coffee, but I won't budge on this one.”

“That's okay Dean, you’ll get there eventually.” He whispered back.

The barista looked unimpressed with them. Again.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem, sorry. The tall one with the stupidly long hair,” he pointed towards Sam, “is getting…” he trailed off before looking to Cas for help.

“I don't know, man. It was something sickly looking. Cold? Green? Possibly tea?”

“And Iced Green Tea Latte?” The barista suggested.

“That's the one. His name is Jimmy.”

“And the lovely lady sitting next to him would like the strongest drink you have. Her name is Robert.”

“Her name is Robert…?” He slowly pointed towards Eileen, sounding unsure of himself.

Or them.

“Yup.” Cas said.

Eileen gave a little wave from across the room.

He gritted his teeth in a very clearly fake smile. “Coming right up.”

They paid for their coffee and picked it up, taking the travel cups across the room and towards Sam and Eileen.

Cas took a sip from his pumpkin spice latte, gleefully smiling. “As much as I like trying different drinks, I think I might start just getting this one. It's my favourite.”

Sam leaned over to Dean, neither one taking their eyes off of Cas. “Should we tell him the drink is seasonal?” He glanced at Sam, before staring back at his partner, whose face was beaming like a literal ray of sunshine.

Dean’s face softened. “Nah. Let’s not ruin his moment.” He took a sip of his cinnamon coffee and damn, it was delicious.

Nothing at all like apple pie, but still delicious.

Cas walked over to him, making eye contact in a silent question. Dean nodded with a small smile, and Cas took his hand.

“I love you.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

They didn’t whisper to hide, and it wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because that exchange was just for them.

Dean leaned in and softly kissed Cas.

Now that was to tell everyone in the shop that his devilishly handsome friend was spoken for.

Slowly, the sun would come out and shine through the stained-glass window, shadow portraying the picture of an angel.

And alright, fine, Dean could admit that he enjoyed the peppermint mocha.

He thought about it for a moment, before giving a light chuckle, realising something.

“What?” Cas asked, turning to look at him with a soft smile resting on his face.

“Nothing.” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’s hand in his. He took a sip from his coffee, relishing in the warm and cozy flavour enrapturing his tongue.

He was only thinking that maybe, just maybe,

Cas had changed him too.

---

Bonus Epilogue:

Dean held the glass door open for the other three, and they all walked out onto the asphalt, laughing, and making their way towards Baby.

The street lamp overhead flickered, and all four of them froze.

“Did anyone happen to get the salted caramel macchiato?” Dean whispered.

---

-This fic on Ao3 (Kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated.)

-Writing Tag

-Ao3

-Request fics/drabbles/ficlets. (Please)

[iwillbeinmynest]

Redcove Harvest - Bucky x Reader(f)   Chapter 3

Authors Notes: Glad to know ya’ll are enjoying this! If you happen to really like it, please consider reblogging or commenting. It really helps me understand what parts you do or don’t like about my work. :)

AU: Farmhand AU and SingleMom!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k +

Notes/Warnings: (Notes are for the whole series) FLUFF, mentions of a past toxic relationship, a wild storm at the end, drama and a break-up, mentions of drinking, kids being adorable and ridiculous, kissing, romance and a tiny bit of angst if you look hard but nothing more than that of a Hallmark movie.

Masterlist     Series Masterlist 

 The next week went without a hitch. Bucky would show up at eight, and get right to work mowing the fields. After day four, he had both front fields mowed. He spent the next two days repairing all the holes and broken parts of the fence that lined the front of the property. After that, he cleaned up the fence line by cutting down saplings and removing weeds and vines. He even fixed the mailbox that sat out by the dusty road.

 This morning was supposed to be no different but as he pulled up to the house, thunder rumbled. He hopped out of his truck and grabbed his wide brimmed hat. He figured working in the rain might beat working in the early spring heat. He walked over to the tractor but before he could hop on, he heard her.

 “Bucky!” She shouted from the porch.

 He turned to see Y/N waving him over. He jogged her way and as he reached the steps, the rain started. 

 “What’s up?” He asked her.

 “Well, I figured with the rain I could steal you for some barn work.”

 “Oh,” He replied as he took his hat off. “Yeah, I mean I was still planning on mowing. I know you’ve got those three back fields that are still pretty high.”

 She waved the thought away. “It’s okay. I know it will get done. I need to get the goat barn fixed up and the horse stables need some minor repairs.”

 “Yeah, sure. Lead the way.”

 Y/N walked with Bucky in the light rain down to the yellow barn a couple dozen yards from the back of the house. 

 He’d been there a few times when he needed to talk to her or grab a tool. The goat barn was actually an old horse stable; the entire right side of stalls had been turned into one large stall that connected to one of the three back fields and the left side was a gardening workshop. One of the left side stalls had been turned into a small greenhouse. 

 Next to the workbench, in the garden shop, there was a large storage bin. It was lit up red with a heat lamp and he heard the faint sound of peeping.

 He walked over and, sure enough, there were at least a dozen little chicks running around or huddled under the lamp.

 “When did you get these?” He asked. He crossed his arms and smiled back at her.

 She stepped up beside him. “Yesterday. Steve had them ordered for me and they finally came in.”

 “Nice.”

 She shifted her weight and her arm brushed against his. She moved away and apologized.

 “Doesn’t bother me.” He reassured her. He really had no problem making contact with her.

 She cleared her throat and walked over to the large goat stall. “So,” she changed the subject. “There are several boards around this opening that leads to their pasture. I had a billy a year ago who was a menace and rammed into it all the time. I’m so glad I got rid of him.” She chuckled. “And, goodness, he stank!” She turned to Bucky, “Did you know Billy’s pee on their beards? Because I didn’t.” Her face twisted in disgust.

 A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “I did know that.”

 She huffed and grinned. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty new to this whole farm thing, so I’ve been learning as I go.” Y/N laughed at herself. 

 “New?” Bucky asked, surprised. “Looks like you’ve got a pretty good grip on it all.”

 She shrugged lightly, “I mean, I didn’t start from scratch. This was Gavin’s family’s farm.” She paused then clarified, “Gavin was my husband’s name. He grew up here and when his parents passed, he got the farm. He did a lot of the clean up when we moved in and he purchased the livestock and foul. He even cared for most of them - the chickens have always been my thing, though.”

 “What about the garden?” Bucky looked out the barn doors to the lush field full of greenery. The gentle rain was doing the day’s watering.

 “That’s all me, too, but I only started gardening a few years ago.”

 “Well, don’t sell yourself short. This is a lot of property, you’ve done a great job by yourself.” Bucky said as he opened the gate to the goat stall and stepped inside to examine the busted and rotting boards that needed replacing.

 “I actually had a good bit of help.” She said as she leaned over the chick bin and pulled out the water dish. She went to the large sink near the workbench and began rinsing it of poop before she filled it back up. “After Gavin died, Steve came over and showed me the ins and outs of cows and goats for a month or two.”

 That surprised him. Steve didn’t ever mention that.

 “Yeah, and his friend, Nat, showed me how to garden.” Y/N put the water dish back and picked up the feed dish.

 Bucky nodded to himself, “Nat has quite the green thumb for making gardeners.”

 “That she does.” Y/N smiled as she returned the now full seed dish.

 Bucky leaned over the gate and watched as Y/N tended to some seedlings that were on her work bench, spraying them with a squirt bottle. “So... can I ask what happened to Gavin?”

 Y/N nodded but didn’t say anything and didn’t turn to face him, she just kept watering the little cupped sprouts.

 “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

 “No, it’s fine.” She turned to him with a somber look on her face. She took a deep breath and looked at Bucky. She wasn’t sure if she should say what she was thinking but, Gavin was dead, what was he gonna do about it?

 “Gavin...was a jerk and a bully,” She started.

  Bucky’s brows shot up but he kept listening.

 “And what’s worse, he had no idea he was like that. He thought he was a great man- and sometimes, he was- but he had a habit of belittling people he didn’t agree with. It didn’t matter what, if he didn’t like it, you were stupid for thinkin’ it. He had his way of doing things and that was that, anything else wasn’t worth his time.” She crossed her arms and looked down at her boots. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I fell in love with a man like that but it was easy. I met him in high school. He wasn’t as bad then but I figure that’s because he was still growing and learning. It’s not an excuse, but he got it from his daddy. Compared to his dad, Gavin was a saint. Charles was as mean as he was stubborn and Gavin got the brunt of that growing up and he had no way of dealing with it other than doin’ the same stuff to other people. He didn’t do it to me until we were married and being that we were so young, I just thought it was a wife’s job to do what her husband said.”

 Bucky swallowed and shifted his weight when she did the same, almost like they both broke out of the trance of story telling and listening.

 “But there were good days. He wasn’t a monster. He could be really sweet, actually. He bought me the chickens after one of our fights, built me the fence around the garden after another. He never said sorry, he’d just build or buy me something. And I appreciated it. I really did love him.” Y/N suddenly realized that in her rant she’d never answered his question. She flushed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on about it. I guess I should get to it,” she chuckled.

 Bucky smiled at her from his spot on the gate. “It’s fine.”

 She took a deep breath. “Um, Gavin fancied himself a great driver, no matter his state. So, he went out with his friends one night and got plastered. He got in the car to come home and drove it into a tree at one hundred and ten.”

 Bucky cursed.

 Y/N nodded. “He at least had the decency to put me in the will when we got the house, so.” She shrugged her shoulders.

 Bucky scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I’m sorry about all of that.”

 She smiled at him and Bucky got the sense she was only doing it for his sake.

 “I was too for a while. But I’m...happy, now.” Her smile seemed more genuine when she said that.

 “I’m glad to hear that.” He grinned at her. 

 Y/N looked at him for a moment before turning back to her plants. 

 Bucky also got back to work and they spent most of the morning like that, just working in silence. Bucky was even able to finish the woodwork in under two hours before he fixed a few breaks in the goat field fence.

 Around noon, Y/N invited him up to the house for lunch and after he declined twice, she finally insisted. 

 Bucky was happy to go.

*  *   *   *   *   *  *

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