#despite the ACTUAL reason being that the original female versions

[d0d0-b0i]

i will never understand when people say that veilguard doesn’t “feel” like a da game. does it have a lot of stuff cut and kind of weasels around some darker topics? yeah! is that frustrating? yeah! and…. all of the games have this problem imo because that is what they do!

to preface i’ve played all 4 games and i enjoy all of them for their own strengths and characters and story (*cough* and not through a dick measuring contest on which new game can match origins exact size *cough*)

so when i see people say that it isn’t a dragon age game simply because they didn’t like it or because it’s not like origins (this is somehow still used as a complaint)? i don’t understand. the dragon age is in the title. every single game is very much not like it’s predecessor, because bioware seemingly had a really strange production pipeline. no two da games are at all alike in its basic game parameters besides following the story laid out bts, so it doesn’t make sense.

“oh but it’s not as dark as origins or da2 or inquisition-” well fucking yeah?? we haven’t had broodmothers for THREE FUCKING GAMES! FOR GOOD REASON!! origins was a humorous game made because those types of rpgs were popular at the time and meant to be a oneshot and so therefore they went edgy in some parts of the story. and they’ve backtracked ever since over the rest of the games, because sometimes some writing decisions Are Bad.

veilguard has some really bad writing moments as well (like literally all of the games), and if i think abt the cut content too long i start getting extremely frustrated, but man if you think the other games don’t then i do not know how to tell you that you’re nostalgia brained.

then again it’s a subjective opinion so whatever. so if you hate the latest game, feel it for reasons that are actually real, not made up ones so that you fuel the rage in your heart that’s unhealthy, maybe? it’s like intentionally rage baiting yourself to feel something instead of walking away when it’s too bad

[soleminisanction]

So a while back I ran the numbers to confirm a suspicion that fandom trends towards a trans Tim Drake, and there's a lot of bits and pieces around his canon material that I think contributes to that interest. But there's a particular, subtle one that's been poking at my mind a lot because I think it might actually be a pretty significant factor that nobody really notices:

His costumes.

The original Robin costume, the one Dick and Jason wore, is childish but exposing. It's innocent enough when they're being drawn as spunky children, but during the period when Dick's still wearing it into his late teens and early 20s, it's practically as revealing as a lot of the women's costumes (and, in retrospect, almost certainly laid some of the groundwork for him sometimes being sexualized by the art and writing the way female characters normally are -- George Pérez, at least, absolutely put him on display every bit as much as he did Starfire and Donna).

Damian's costumes, meanwhile, lean more into archaic/fantasy armor designs and are thus largely genderless outside some vague allusions to the codename's Robin Hood roots. And Steph's is, well, a minidress, and one designed to show off her figure, drawing explicit attention to her femininity.

But then you have Tim's most iconic costume, his original one, which is not only fully covering in a way the original look isn't, it also, by virtue of being designed in the 90s, sports a very specific feature: molded body armor shaped to look like pectoral and abdominal muscles. In other words -- an idealized male body.

Not every artist always included that detail, but it was an explicit part of the design that you don't see as much these days, at least not for teen heroes. Which means it's inadvertently the perfect costume for a trans masculine Boy Wonder. It's got built-in body shaping. The cape and tunic layers even help to make his shoulders look wider.

Tim's second costume, the OYL later suit, doesn't explicitly have this body shaping element, but some artists still hint at it in the same way that Dick's Nightwing suits do (ie, we assume they're not showing off their real muscles with skintight suits for safety reasons, but who knows). Plus it comes with the bonus gay longing of changing the colors to mourn the dead crush he's too deep in the closet to recognize.

And then you've got his modern Robin look which has the same kind of shaping going on in a sleaker, more subtle way, though it can vary from artist to artist how much the red part of his suit is drawn as a breast plate vs. a part of the bodysuit.

As a bonus, the design also has a tendency to make him look lean and lithe, in an interesting contrast to Damian who, despite being physically smaller than Tim, tends to have a presence that makes him come across as stockier and more solid, possibly because he's more heavily armored.

You even see this with some of Tim'snon-Robin looks. I've mentioned this elsewhere but, the original Red Robin look making him look older when the cowl was up honestly makes a lot of sense. That suit was originally designed for a Dick Grayson who was pushing 60 to conceal the extent of his age while still communicating his maturity and development. It makes sense that it'd work the other way, to make 17 year old Tim look like he's in his late 20s/early 30s.

It's tunic over a body suit design is also just aesthetically pleasing in terms of forming an elegant male body type, the same way a well-cut suit can be. Again, it does especially nice things for the shoulders, which is why I personally prefer it to the fully bodysuit redesign they give him in the latter part of the series. Although as we can see from the details in Marcus To's art, even that body suit has seams strategically placed to suggest muscles.

And then of course there's the 2016 Rebirth era Red Robin costume, which is just a more heavily-armored version of his classic Robin look that's trying really hard to make him look masculine and mature, which means... exaggerated muscles.

And the thing is, it's not that this doesn't happen with other characters' costumes. But for various reasons it specifically didn't happen with the other Robin costumes, like I described at the start.

Which is not something I think people consciously notice. But I do know that, when I was writing my transmasc Tim fanfic a few years before realizing that I myself was also transmasc, one of the images that solidified the story for me was how good it would've felt the first time a transmasc Tim put on his new Robin costume and saw the Boy Wonder looking back at him. And I remember specifically thinking about how nice the shaped armor would be for that sort of thing.

It's kinda funny how an obvious attempt to enforce gender norms wound up, for lack of a better term, backfiring, at least in my opinion. There's just something about exaggerating the masculinity of Robin, a role designed to contrast and foil the already exaggerated masculine ideal of Batman, that makes it feel like a performance.

[longing-for-rain]

Ember Island Players…Racist Caricatures or Meta Commentary?

This episode was supposed to be a fun filler episode to recap the events of the show in a silly way before the series finale, but it’s managed to become arguably one of the most controversial episodes in the fandom. Over the years, Aang’s possessive behavior towards Katara has been rightfully criticized, but there are always people who attempt to justify everything Aang does.

Apparently, the latest iteration of this is the claim that—wait for it—we should be sympathetic towards Aang and give him a pass in The Ember Island Players because he felt “emasculated” due to the supposed “feminization” of his culture.

I’ve been called racist for saying this is a reach, but it’s more than a reach. It’s an entire acrobatics routine; a level of media illiteracy that shows a lack of understanding of the point of that episode.

Yes, Aang’s character is portrayed in a silly, mocking way. So are all of the other characters. That’s the point; the episode was a filler, a gimmick, and the underlying comedy is the fact that all of the characters are reacting to exaggerated, one-dimensional versions of their own personalities.

For example:

Katara is portrayed as an “overemotional crybaby” in her own words, and is constantly giving motivational speeches and crying

Sokka’s “comedic relief” archetype is played up to the point his lines are just corny one-liners

Zuko is portrayed as an angsty, whiny pretty-boy who acts like a bratty asshole at all times

Toph is a huge buff guy (although in this case, it’s a play on how her character was originally going to be a “jock” type male character)

As for Aang? He’s portrayed as unserious, goofy, and childish. Which—just like all the others—is a jokey exaggeration of his childish demeanor and nature. He’s not even alone in taking offense to his portrayal. All of the characters aside from Toph hate their characters for largely the same reason. They’re being confronted with aspects of themselves that make them insecure. For Aang, it’s his immaturity—and specifically his fears that he’ll be rejected by Katara.

As for why Aang is played by a woman? Well, we don’t actually have to wonder about that, because the creators themselves answer this question in the episode commentary.

Bryan: “It's sort of a self-referential joke. Whenever you do a animated show, they usually want to cast, uh, women...who are, like, in their thirties to play boys, because you never know how long the show is gonna go on, and, you know, as Jack mentioned earlier, boys' voices start cracking.” (source)

Wow, imagine that! An inside joke about the cartoon industry in a show’s meta-episode dedicated to making fun of itself? Impossible!

I’m serious though. The episode transcript is right here. Point me to where exactly there is even the slightest hint of anyone bringing up Aang’s culture and tying his childish behavior to it.

That’s right; it isn’t there. Because that wasn’t the point. Aang’s anger did stem from feeling emasculated, but it had nothing to do with culture and everything to do with his own misogynistic attitudes. He was offended at his portrayal on an individual level. I’m not denying that the issue of oppressive nations using femininity as an insult against men of colonized nations is a very real issue, but that was never a theme present in this episode. We don’t see Aang expressing anger towards the Fire Nation, nor do we see him mention anything about culture. What we see is Aang, individually, feeling insulting that his actor is female and Aang being angry at Katara, individually, because the play suggested she felt more attracted to Zuko than him.

Trying to downplay Aang’s behavior and suggest we coddle him despite his atrocious treatment of Katara is a disingenuous reading of the episode.

Why are you reaching to make an excuse for Aang when if you’re really taking the “the point of the episode is that the play is racially demeaning the characters” angle…and why are you not bringing up Sokka? He’s portrayed as a dumb oaf who is always talking about eating meat. There is a much stronger argument to be made there about caricatures, but Sokka isn’t threatening anyone’s ship so apparently nobody cares.

And while we’re talking about caricatures, how about this crap?

Sorry, Aang stans, but this show and Aang’s character aren’t the enlightened portrayals of anti-colonialism and groundbreaking activism you think they are. It’s pretty clear from the context and the episode itself what the intention here was. It is poorly aged comedy from the early 2000s written by white Americans. And we will continue to critique that, thanks.

[h0bg0blin-meat]

What hindu gods/deities are lgbt (I'm sorry if this is rude or ignorant I just wish to learn as I've heard some are)

Dw it's neither rude nor ignorant. Now before I start I do wanna say that almost all the queerness we see in Hindu mythology is highly subtextual most of the time, which is like pretty obvious cuz these were the ancient times. So this might lead to a varied number of interpretations, and I can only offer the same. But most of them are pretty convincingly queer, so let's get into it cuz why tf not. (This is gonna be a loooooong post so buckle up)

Vishnu

This fella is probably the most pan-coded deity in the entire pantheon. Extremely comfortable with both his masculine and feminine side, Vishnu can sometimes be considered one of the peak genderfluid icons out there. His avatar, Krishna, despite being referred to as the Parampurush (in other words the manliest man in the entire universe), his physical appearance (which is what is considered to be a very feminine body for a man today, i.e., slender and soft) breaks the stereotype of what masculine man should look like. There are paintings of him and Radha where I've stared for like a hot minute trying to figure out which one is Radha (mostly in grayscale cuz otherwise their complexions are a dead giveaway) and yet, he slays it like a badass.

Then we also have Mohini, the goddess of beauty probably the best seductress out there, and the only female avatar of Vishnu. Through her having a union (yk what they mean by that) with Shiva (AHEM subtext amirit), Vishnu gave birth to Ayyappa, and wouldja look at dat he has two dads, which was actually prophesized. Mohini in one of the versions of Mahabharata (not the original one) ALSO slept with Iravan (Arjun's son) the night before he was gonna offer himself as a sacrifice for the Kurukshetra war. Reason was that Iravan had a wish to get married and spend the night with his wife before dying, and wishing his wife would mourn for him after his death. So Krishna felt bad for him, turned himself into Mohini and married him. The next day she held her husband's body and mourned for him like any wife would. We can also go back to the time where he sported (make of that word what you will) with Arjuni (female version of Arjun) as well as the female version of Narad (for a year in the latter's case).

In short, we can see how chill Krishna is with his fluidity with sexuality and gender, so much so that it's hard to put a label on him sometimes, which is fine. But yes interpreting him as queer wouldn't necessarily be a preposterous claim after all.

Shiva

Tbh Shiva is also pretty queer-coded, given his union with Mohini (and yes he specifically ASKED Vishnu to turn into her and hence he KNEW it was his best friend after all), and him turning into a woman to join Krishna's leela that one time, which also denotes that he's pretty confident in his gender fluidity as well, to some extent. He also has a sort of female avatar, who's actually very underrated. I think it's called Shivani. Also no one can deny the tension between Shiva and Vishnu let's be real here. They even have a ship name- Harihar, PLUS that "Vishnu is in the heart of Shiva and Shiva is in the heart of Vishnu" line. Btw this was a joke, but now you know why they're one of the popular ships of Hindu mythology. I personally have very neutral stance to the kind of bond they share, whether you call it platonic or something else.

(Note that I personally do not consider Ardhanarishwar and Vaikunthakamalaja as any genderfluid thingy because I just see them as literal fusions of the two couples, but yes many consider these two fused versions of Parvati-Shiva and Lakshmi-Narayan respectively to be gender-nonconforming, or non-binary of some sort.)

Lakshmi

Why did I add her here? Because I have a feeling she might be bi, given the fact that her husband is also technically her wife, considering we take Mohini into account, who I'm pretty sure she loves just as much as she loves Vishnu. But again, that's just my take on it.

Agni

Now he's one of the more popular queer-coded Hindu gods, specifically known for his implied poly-esque relationship with his wife Svaha and Soma (the wind god). Now many sites on Google have claimed Soma to be his husband, but I am yet to find a scriptural evidence for that claim, so I suggest you to take their words with a grain of salt. But what IS true is that these two guys do share a pretty profound bond. There was also this one instance where Soma went to a mountain and Agni followed him. Then both of them at the top of that mountain, 'became one' (what does that mean? not sure but it sure as hell sounded romantic. anyways). Also Soma is considered the "seed" and Agni the "progenitor" hence releasing the "seed". Now again what does that mean? Idk but that's sus as hell for sure.

Plus, Agni is also very well-known to be the (oral) receptor of Shiva's (and sometimes Soma's but not sure about the second one) semen, which he then flung into Ganga cuz it was too hot to bear for him, and that's how Kartikeya/Murugan/Skanda (Shiva and Parvati's son and a God of war) was born. So yeah.

Mitra-Varuna

These two.... are another pair of popular queer-coded Hindu deities. They're almost always summoned and worshipped together, and you can say they have canonically.... well had a union, and good news is none of them became a woman for the deed. Their union is recorded in the Shatapatha Brahmana 2.4.4.19, where Mitra is said to have "implanted his seed in Varuna" (hmmm nothing homosexual going on here) during the waning moon. Many people consider this a metaphor for the cyclic nature of celestial phenomena so it's upto you to interpret it however you want.

Now they also give off that sunshine x grumpy vibe, with Mitra being the god of friendship, sun, daylight, dawn and stuff while Varuna is the god of the waters, moon, nighttime, dusk etc. Plus, the latter has anger issues but he has a bubbly Mitra (pun intended) to calm him down for dat :D.

They are also known for siring two sages, Agastya and Vasistha after they accidentally released and mixed their semen into a pot as a result of getting enchanted by Urvashi (one of the apsaras or celestial nymphs).

Budh and Ila

Budh is technically an AMAB non-binary (or intersex) deity (and technically the planet Mercury) born to Chandra (who's also synonymous to Soma most of the time) and Tara, to put it simply, and got cursed to be neither male nor female because Chandra had an affair with someone else's wife -_- (Tara was the wife of Brihaspati, or Jupiter, who was also the guru of the gods).

Ila is another genderfluid deity. Some versions of the myth says they were born a woman, some say they were born a man called Sudyumna, while some say they were born a woman, but since their parents wanted a son, Mitra-Varuna (who they preyed to) changed their gender and Sudyumna was born (but then there was some issue with the rituals, which led to the duo to turn him back to a woman, which is when they took the name of Ila. Ik, too much gendershifting going on, bear with me). Anyhoo they got this genderfluidity from Shiva's spell and every month they'd change sex from Sudyumna to Ila and back to Sudyumna and so on. Budh got enchanted by Ila and married her, and bore the Pururavas with her.

Later on, some versions say Ila permanently turned into a man with Parvati's boon. But personally interpreting, Budh was technically still married to Sudyumna so..... idk what happened to them afterwards tho. I hope they were still spouses...

[velvetvexations]

People so often are like "we need tme/tma for reasons" and then use them as direct substitutes for transfem vs non-transfem like why are you creating words that define identity by oppression (they'll say they don't do that but like, how often do they actually acknowledge other populations affected by transmisogyny (black women and many other people of colour, many nonbinary people, many intersex people, trans people of other genders/allignments who are routinely interpreted as trans women by outsiders, etc) the answer is almost never) when you can just say people who aren't transfem? It also makes it easier to see what's just an attack on other trans people vs what is a genuine grievance against intracommunity transmisogyny

Like, "tmes shouldn't be the main voice talking about transfeminine experience" vs "People who aren't transfem shouldn't be the main voice talking about transfeminine issues"

Arguably a similar meaning, doesn't define random people's relationship to systemic oppression, instead focuses on the reality of the situation. Way better than shit like "cis women and tmes use their afab privilage to speak over trans women" bullshit. If people want to talk about transfemme issues and lateral aggression it's actually very easy to do so without defining other people's lived experiences out of existence. Like there's the term nonblack to talk about people who aren't black; it's very possible to create terminology that helps to analyse group experiences without invoking a strict binary where people are told what they experience rather than acknowledging individual nuance

Signed: someone id say falls best into the category of "transmisogyny complicated" (genderfluid and can and does pass as a woman or a man in different situations, often assumed trans either way)

(putting this in the tag because I put in effort and hope it helps)

Theoretically one could say that transfems need a word that specifically refers to the impression they face in the way that we say 'cis" rather than "people who aren't trans" - if for brevity alone. "It "Transmisogyny" was originally coined to refer, I believe, less specific scenarios and more just a byword for when transfems face transphobia, which isn't terrible.

The issues as I see it, though, is that:

Transmascs are not allowed the word for what THEY go through, even when those issues are hyper-specific to them. Recently responded to me bringing up difficulties getting getting OB-GYNs with "transfems have a hard time getting prostate exams", and it's like, cool, that's possibly equivalent (I do not know enough to compare them at all) but that's not getting a fucking OB-GYN, is it? That, specifically, is still a transmasc issue that they have to just call generic transphobia. Yet, despite acknowledging healthcare is systemic oppression for transmascs as well, I'm 100% certain that these people would still call the transfem version transmisogyny despite the fact that, by that very logic logic, it should also be generic transphobia - or if it IS transmisogyny, either a sterling example of AFAB trans people also being systemically affected by it.

"Splash damage" is a horrifically dismissive and cruel way to refer to what, for instance, imane Khelif1has* been going through, not to mention all the people have been hurt even worse ways. Like, do you remember the trans man who was beat up because he was told to use the female bathroom? Do you remember the passing high school wrestler who got giant headlines with blown-up images of him a pinning a distressed girl because he he was forced to compete in the female division and people thought he was a trans woman? How the fuck evil can you possibly get. Tell them to their faces what they experienced was "splash damage". Seriously, LOOK THEM IN THE FUCKING EYE AND TELL THEM THAT.

If transmascs WERE allowed a word, it would go both ways! I keep saying that even though I don't personally associate my struggles with transandrophobia, a lot of transmisogyny is tied up in animus towards men, perceived or otherwise. Trans rad fems deny this obvious reality because God made their souls female and that's just an objective hard reality coded into the very fabric of reality like thermodynamics and relativity. It's this bizarrely masochistic thing where self-ID'd TMA/Es want to emulate every last hyper specific detail of the previously understood definition of wo/manhood, including an exact carbon copy of how they are or are not oppressed, rather than recognizing that it's not diminishing for it to just be different.

They're completely and utterly obsessed with being the biggest victim in the room 24/7. It's so obviously the exact same brain poison TERFs have, but if you try telling them that they go "how dare you compare us to our oppressors". And it's like, either (a) stop fucking acting exactly like them then, or (b) stop equating trans men with cis men.

It leads to so much fucking pedestalling that makes me sick. The way some self-ID'd TMEs act is massively cringe at best and at worst signs they desperately need therapy to work out the self-esteem issues they've been indoctrinated into.

I've never seen a single explanation of what "TMA" or "TME" is supposed to accomplish beyond labeling people's oppression as inherently lesser. Not one single time have I seen anyone articulate why it's such a vital component of "talking about our issues" beyond elevating it above the issues of others. Sure, it can serve as a shorter substitute for "trans women/non-trans women", but why are people putting that shit in their bios? And once again, it comes down to like, hey, why are trans women why do you not constantly declare yourself free of exorsexism or intersexism? It's so resounding clear it has no other point.

Finally, a lot of them are just...genuinely atrocious people with atrocious beliefs that fall far outside just the limited scope of intercommunity trans discourse. Many might believe it in good faith, but the biggest ringleaders of the cult are malicious people who actively want the world to be a worse place through things like refusing to vote and cheering on genocide of Ukranians and Uyghurs. It's no surprise they're lapping up rhetoric that gives them both authority and feeds a victim complex.

What I'm trying to say is, I guess, I don't like TMA/TME either.

*these things would be what I want to avoid talking about but I already know about them so blows party favor dejectedly

[mistressroxielove]

Hey everyone~ I'm back, and this time with a new fixation!

Long story short, I've discovered the new Fairly Oddparents reboot, absolutely loved it and was inspired to make this AU idea for the show! With a slight reimagine/redesign of the characters as well. And the first one I decided to do was Peri!

Here's some more info about my AU:

Fairly Odd Parents AU/Rewrite

Au Name: FairlyOdd Brother

Summary:

Perri (previously known as Poof) recently graduated from Fairy Godparents School and is eager to start granting Wishes for his very own godchild! Only problem is that with his lack of experience Jorgen is weary of giving him an assignment and keeps finding excuses/reasons to not give him a godkid. Realizing it might be a 1,000 years before they give him a chance to be a Fairy Godparent, Perri decides he needs to be a little bold and perhaps, bend Da Rules, to get his foot in the door so to speak. And his answer comes to him from a new neighbor in his human home, a family with a sweet shy 10 year old girl who is absolutely miserable. Perhaps Perri might be able to offer this girl a little comfort and fun as her new Fairy Godbrother!?

(Basically the same premise of the show, except Perri’s first godchild is Hazel, and through a technicality in the rule book, becomes her god brother instead of her godparent.)

ALSO please note this AU is more of a slight reimagine of the original show, meaning I did tweaked / changed some of the characters personality to match the new story I made for them. Nothing majorly different, but again just a heads up before you read on. Hope you like it~

Name: Hazel Wells

Age: 10

Sex: Female

Physical Description: 

Basically the same as the show's design, I slightly changed her shirt to become a sweater with a turtleneck. I sorta did that by accident when drawing her, but I ended up really liking the look and thought it matched the semi new personality I gave her so I kept it. 

Personality: 

-Hazel is a very sweet and kind person with some quirky interest, more or less similar to the canon version of her in the show

-The big difference between my Hazel and the shows is that she’s much more shy and awkward than in the actual show

-Feeling very out of place in a new city/school with her brother off at college and her parents working much more than usual has left the poor girl more shy and anxiety ridden than usual. 

-She still likes rocks and manga like in the show, but in her old school she was bullied and made fun of for her interest, so she’s more shy/embarrassed to admit what she likes

-But she still tries to be a good person and do the right thing whenever she can, just again she hindered by her shyness and fear of being bullied and made fun of, just wants to fit in and be an average kid

Other fun facts:

-Was bullied a lot in her last school, her parents and teacher tried to help her but despite their best effort it did little to stop the problem. It wasn’t until her older brother Anthony started to walk her to and from school that helped deter the other bullies from picking on her. Though Anthony meant well for helping his little sister, his method of helping her did little to teach Hazel how to actually stand up for herself and how to deal with bullies in general. Now without him around and her parents busy with their work, she is unintentionally thrown into a new situation with no social skills on how to defend herself from other people or how to even make any friends (she didn’t really have any of those back home). But perhaps with the help of a certain periwinkle fairy she might be able to learn to socialize and how to defend herself from bullies, and hopefully become just an average kid with friends and learn to thrive in the new city. 

-Essentially Peri is the one to teach and encourage her to be more bold, as he’s the one to really get her to make wishes freely and to try new things and to teach her to not be afraid of anyone or anything, slowly with his help she becomes more and more like the canon version of Hazel in the show. As Peri ends up being a good role model to her.   

Short summary of how she ended up with Peri:

Moving into a new city feeling all alone. Since her parents are excited to be here with both of them finally getting their dream jobs, Hazel tries to act ‘mature’ about the situation and tries to put on a brave face for her parents. But in reality is having a hard time in her new environment, as she finds herself in a new school and too shy to make friends, let alone talk to anyone. The only person talking to her is Dev who is supposedly ‘famous’ or something. (she doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t really acknowledge him, much to Dev’s surprise). 

If that wasn’t bad enough her parents are working much more at their new jobs and have essentially left her to be watched by the neighbor next door, a strange though friendly guy named Peri. She and Peri get along okay, and she’s mostly pushed through with the reminder that her brother will be visiting this weekend, and surely once she talks to him she’ll know everything will be just fine.

But things fall apart when being watched by Peri she gets a call from her brother stating due to the weather he won’t be able to visit this week and won’t be able to come up until at least his next break, Which is a couple months away! Distraught by this news Hazel prepares to pack up and leave to try and somehow get to her brother on her own, only to be stopped by her ‘babysitter’ who tries to reason with her and talk her out of it. Despite his usually persuasive ways she’s simply too upset to think straight and in a fit of frustration wishes she could just fly to Anthony. Which, similar to the actual show's first episode, causes Peri to turn her into a fly!  

The part of the episode happens similar to the original first episode, with Peri trying to get Hazel home before her parents come back from their work. He eventually does but again similar to the first episode Hazel gets stuck in a venus fly trap as Peri tries to get her to wish to turn back into her original form. After the talk with the ant Hazel realizes her mistake and finally wishes to become human again before her parents could discover what went wrong.

After the commotion, Hazel goes to Peri’s apartment to question who he is and what the heck just happened. Peri tries to deny it but during their conversation he realizes that technically speaking…..Hazel did have good and caring parents. They weren’t the reason why she was sad and miserable, she was miserable because her brother wasn’t with her anymore and she desperately missed him. And technically speaking, there was no rule or need to ask Jorgen or the fairy council to become a kids Godbrother. He only needed their permission to be a Godparent. And besides……..he more than understood the feeling of missing a big brother.

After talking and realizing just how miserable this poor girl was, Peri decides to take a gamble and formally introduce himself to her as her new Fairy Godbrother! In similar fashion to how he introduced himself to Dev in the original show. Making a promise to take Hazel from being a shy and scared girl into a brave and bold kid with lots of fun and magic along the way. 

Hazel, after the smoke and glitter shimmers away for the first time, feels pure joy at the sight, and for the first time feels confident and even excited for the future, and what this city and the people have to offer her! 

Sooooo ya, tell me what you guys think! Any questions or suggestions for the AU I would love to hear, good to be back!

Previous - Next

[valla-chan]

The more I think about The Ring / Ringu 's story, the more I realize that the reason why it seems bizarre to treat Sadako/Samara as the villain is because... It sort of is.

This post contains spoilers for the Japanese movie, the American remake, and the original book of "The Ring/Ringu".

In the American version, Samara is implied to be a demon child; some sort of abomination brought into the world by irresponsible parents who wanted a child but we're not able to conceive. (See the queer undertone?) Her parents had no special abilities in any way.

Samara herself was being tested for ESP (extrasensory perception) at a psych ward, due to her deliberately "wanting to hurt people" seemingly for no obvious reason other than her being evil, maybe with a bit of parental neglect sprinkled in that has the undertones of it being "understandable" under the unique circumstances. It always felt like a sort of overly reductive view of the character, and a bit unfitting as to why she would create the tape seemingly as a cry for help, but then revealed at the end, ah, no, she is indeed just evil, look at her angry face!

This does not satisfy me.

In the original Japanese version of the movie, Sadako's mom is the one being tested for ESP. Sadako— who is shown to be a strange looking, moppish, unkept girl even in her oldest memories here (unlike in the American version where she is portrayed very much like a very deadpan but otherwise normal child)— uses her own ESP to kill a heckler in the crowd who is becoming critical and standoffish with her mom and the ESP doctor, Dr Ikuma. It is explained at some point that she is a demon child creating by her mother yearning for the sea too much. She is killed by Dr Ikuma after studying her, rather than her parents.

This one seemed to touch on something interesting, but it's nowhere near as interesting as the information the book provides on the matter.

Ikuma is her father.

Sadako and her mother's relationship and plot is a fair bit different from in the films, based on what I've gathered online, but it boils down to the same ideas. Her mother had ESP, Ikuma encouraged her to show off her powers, and in the process discovered that Sadako's were even more powerful, and proceeded to study her. This is where things begin to really diverge.

Ikuma gets sick from trying to unlock his own powers leaving Sadako to grow up away from her family. And she does grow up, unlike in the films. She grows to 19 years old before returning to Ikuma in his mental ward after a heartbreak and deaths caused by her powers. There, she is raped by a different doctor, who discovers she is intersex (with the present of both male and female genitalia), and is so disgusted that he throws her down the well. Sadako, in her remaining days, developed the smallpox that this doctor unknowingly carried, amplifying her death curse into a physical virus.

Okay can we talk about the fact that she is intersex.

Like holy shit what. NONE of the media of her other than book seems to find that worth mentioning. NONE of the other media finds her adult or teenage life worth mentioning. ALL of the other media treats her as an inherent evil. Even in the books, it is mentioned that she wants to be reborn normal, but is unable to because she is intersex. Not because she is cursed or has ESP, but because she is intersex!

An actual queer character, with an actual struggle, trying to live her life to her fullest despite everything in her life taking her away from the people who cared for her. The HIV parallel to the smallpox the doctor gives her. The fact that her last dying effort is to tell the world her story, and curse the world that wronged her with having to experience her pain. And what becomes of this in the later Movie versions???

Saying outright that she is a demon child.

Implying that it's better that she died, and that her story would be better forgotten.

Her parents shown as irresponsible and secretive for adopting a child they were never 'meant to' be able to conceive.

Portraying her as a faceless monster even as a child, or as a demented and unlovable freak.

Portraying her with ungrateful, evil intent even while alive.

Portraying her viral potential as something inherent to her as a freak, rather than as something that someone else unknowingly inflicted onto her that she must bear.

...

Portraying her the exact way that real queer/ND people are treated all their lives, through all of modern history, childhood to adulthood, all in an effort to create something from her character that doesn't have to discuss her intersexuality. Even her parents, turned from people destroyed by the societal reception and health issues from their ESP, into people who bring the devil to Earth for the crime of wanting a child when they cannot have one.

All leading right back to exactly what created the curse in the original. The trauma of queerness. All erased and paved over in order to create a more palatable villain out of a child who couldn't help it. Showing through the obfuscations created to hide it, if you know how to see through it. It's not even to say the book doesn't have those themes, but it is obvious that great care went into scrubbing this element from her character in the popular culture, while amplifying its effects on her.

No wonder it feels bizarre to treat her character how the movies do. They removed the central element that explains everything.

And no wonder we relate to villains so much. So much of the time they are us.

So much of the time their motivations are to tell their own stories, to have others understand their pain, to show the world how it treats people like them. And as soon as those ideas are marketed to a mass audience, the victim becomes the villain, and the point is buried under enough layers to make the people who would have thrown her down that well feel good about being part of the society that destroyed her in the first place.

I hope we remember that when we see a real queer person being demonized for relating to a reprehensible character.

[peachglumpear]

twitlonger doesn't work anymore so i've decided to compile my thoughts on tumblr.

there are two reasons why tvskyle being arrested for csem enrages me aside from the obvious of the matter.

tvskyle was a known predator for years. if you google his name and "callout" there are troves of information about his harassment and predation to women. back when i had a professional art account despite that i was not an animator or heavily in animation circles this was public knowledge even to me.

2. this is what happens when people refuse to acknowledge predators can and will co-opt GOOD GUY / BAD GUY language to infiltrate and stay in circles.

anyways, that is the short version. this is the long version where i get into topics regarding abuse and harm that may be triggering.

first off, let's get over how using the word "paraphile/paraphilia" has become fearmongering and taking the words away from what they actually mean. "paraphilia", at its most base level definition means "a paraphilia is an experience of recurring or intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, places, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals."

if you like BDSM, you're a paraphile. if you like bondage, you're a paraphile. if you like pregnancy, you're a paraphile. if you like fictional brothers kissing, you're a paraphile.

considering the DSM used to characterize homosexuality as a mental illness until 1973 (51 years ago, not that long in hindsight!) if you are not a cisheterosexual white man and like anything that is not cisheterosexual sex intended for the sole purpose of procreation with the intent to create children, you have a paraphilia.

paraphilia/paraphile in both proclaimed 'anti' and 'proship' spaces is becoming the new 'pedo', which is really just BAD PERSON. do not interact with me if you are a BAD PERSON who does BAD THINGS. BAD PEOPLE get away.

the reason why i do not have any disclaimers about "antis/pedos/zoos/etc dni" in my bio is because to me this is the same thing as saying "serial killers dni" ...i don't mean to sound snarky, this is just what it boils down to. if a person is out there harming someone, human or animal:

i do not know why they would proclaim this information publicly.

if someone is harming real beings, i do not think they would respect text on a screen if that very prominent line in the sand has already been passed.

tvskyle fits the mold for animation dudebro who was established in the industry of his choice despite the open knowledge of his predatory behavior. i cannot testify to if anyone knew he was possessing csem before he was officially arrested, but it was definitely open knowledge that he was the kind of man you wouldn't want left alone with female coworkers. some of this behavior was bad enough that even male coworkers would avoid him.

tvskyle also coopted proship/anti terminology.

this isn't me knocking on someone for their age, but when i first saw tvskyle posting about of all things, invader zim yaoi, my first thought was "why in the world would a 45 year old man who is an industry professional be so obsessed with arguing online about cartoon smut."

i guess you can argue about stupid things on the internet at any age at any level of industry success. but it was bizarre to me because it's not as though cartoon smut of any problematic variety should be news to someone working in animation in their 40s. The animators on the original Beetlejuice made jokes that BJ's fingertips were red from fingering Lydia on her period. The rugrats storyboarders drew horny jokes. There's infamous posts about animators finding the secret smut vaults for their shows. Cartoon smut has basically existed as long as cartoons have existed.

and then you find out tvskyle also drew pokemon porn that involved may (age 12), brock (age 15) and max (may's younger brother, age 8.)

wow, kyle! a threeway between a 12 year old and her 8 year old brother! that seems pretty problematic! incest and shota combo!

but i guess that's not an issue. it's not problematic when i draw it because i'm not a BAD PERSON.

tvskyle became weirdly obsessed with calling people out for cartoon smut despite that he drew smut you could categorize just as problematic in nature. and then he was found possessing some of the worst csem you can be found possessing. and he was found possessing over *600 images* of csem. that isn't something you gather overnight.

so there is the uncomfortable truth of the matter that predators can and will co-opt terminology to blend into any space. and this can happen anywhere. if someone wants to get under the radar in anti circles, they will rave about how bad cartoon smut is. if someone wants to get under the radar in proship spheres, they will adapt and use the appropriate terminology for that sphere.

and this is why to a whole, i find it incredibly reductive to use terms that reduce people into bad person / good person because at its most harmful, all it does is protect people who are continuing and perpetuating harm to real people.

i think everyone needs to acknowledge their capacity to harm as much as their capacity to heal. and before you think "wow peach that is a really wide assumption i would NEVER hurt someone like [x]" yes, i know, imaginary stranger in my head, this is not what i am saying.

what i mean when i say we all need to acknowledge our capacity to harm is because i believe the choice to be a good person or a bad person is a choice you make every day. if i am a "good person" my whole life and then one day...i don't know. i steal money from a homeless person, or i throw a drink made wrong in an overworked barista's face. all of the "good things" i have done would not cancel out that in those theoretical moments, i was not a good person. in fact, in these hypothetical scenarios, i was very nasty.

there have been days where i've had to be the friend who sits another friend down and talks with them about how something they said or did really hurt me. and likewise, sometimes i've had to come face to face with when i wasn't the good friend. it hurts both ways but let's be honest, someone hurting you doesn't come with the same fearful sting of "i hurt my friend. do they think i'm a BAD PERSON. am i the BAD PERSON now?"

and none of these conversations would have been productive or involved growth or greater understanding if they had come from the angle of YOU, a BAD PERSON, hurt ME, a GOOD PERSON. (on either end.)

i think acknowledging your capacity to harm simply means acknowledging you're human. you won't always be right. you will mess up and that's simply a part of the human experience. but being able to take accountability and examine when your actions have caused harm will be more beneficial to yourself and your loved ones in the long run.

the person who groomed me would not admit they had groomed and exploited a minor because in their mind, they are not a BAD PERSON.

the person who abused me would never admit to these things because in their mind, they are not a BAD PERSON.

to be a BAD PERSON is to lose everything because being a BAD PERSON is not to be any person at all.

of course these people never took responsibility for the harm caused to me.

only BAD PEOPLE do BAD THINGS.

the uncomfortable truth is there is no way to ping with 1000% accuracy someone intent on predation and harm. there are predators in white vans lurking outside of high schools, but the predators were also the charming and well spoken teachers who were very popular with coworkers, parents and their students. some people are simply better at adapting and blending in the system they want to exploit than others.

i think tvskyle fell somewhere in the middle. other inappropriate behavior of his was well known, but this wasn't enough for him to be blacklisted. as we all know, sexually harassing women is not a firable offense. for people missing the 50's, feel assured some thing have not changed. (<- very biting sarcasm.)

tvskyle is definitely not the last predator in animation, but what do you expect from circles that are essentially glorified high school cliques that only require ego stroking and circlejerking.

tvskyle may have been the most recent predator found, but he is definitely not the only one and anyone acting otherwise is just leaving the door open for these people to continue perpetuating harm.

[asirensrage]

Hindsight (Rewrite) - Haitani Ran x Reader

Title: Hindsight (the rewrite)

Rating: Explicit

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers

Pairing: Haitani Ran x Undescribed!Female Reader (side of Takeomi x OC)

Warnings: Dark!Fic. Sex. Oral sex. Dubcon in terms of forced relationships. Obsession. Swearing. Manipulation. Mention of illegal activities and threats. Mention of proposals and pregnancy. Being used as collateral. Unbeta’d.

Word count: ~3800

Summary: You were always going to end up here. She was never going to be allowed to leave and you were just lucky that he saw you as more than just collateral. Based on the prompt: “It doesn’t matter what you think. You’re mine. You always have been.”

Notes: My friend read the original and offered suggestions, including actually writing the sex scene. I couldn't decide if I wanted to just edit the post with the original version or delete it completely. It was recommended just to make a new post. If you've read the original, a fair bit of this will be familiar.

Original notes: The idea of being used as collateral for someone else, especially to keep them in a relationship, has been in my mind for a while and I wanted to write a oneshot for Ran. So put them together and this is how it turned out. It’s a bit sad when you actually think about it…so be warned.

Heed the warnings!

You can’t help but wonder if your sister looks at the events that have led you both here and regrets it. After all, the only reason you ended up here was because of her. You were the good one. You were trying to do things right but it didn’t matter. She was your sister and no matter where she went, you ended up following. 

An arm lands on your shoulders, pulling you in against a chest. You feel his lips press against your hair. “Not hiding from me, are you?”

You force yourself to try to relax, even as you wrap your arms around your waist. You’re not used to the dress you’re wearing and despite the warmth of him, you’re still cold. “Just getting some air,” you finally say. 

“Come. Takeomi’s here.”

You look at him at that. With Takeomi came your sister. How long has it been since you’ve seen each other? She tried to escape the last time, tried to plan a distraction to get you as far away from Bonten as possible. It didn’t work. You don’t know what happened except that her punishment was more severe than yours. The two of you had been barred from seeing each other for weeks. 

“See? I can be nice,” he says, turning you back and leading you into the building. 

“I know.” You say it because that’s what he wants to hear. 

The party is still going strong when you go inside. Thankfully it’s not one of the clubs he likes to drag you to. Instead, you’re playing arm candy as he charms some of the important people of Japan who are already neck-deep involved with Bonten. Most of them made that choice freely. It makes you a little sick if you think about it. Your gaze slides over the crowd until you see the one person you’re searching for. 

“Can I go see her?” you ask. 

He doesn’t say yes but he does wrap his arm around your waist and takes you toward them. When you get close, you can see her properly for the first time in months. Yua looks terrible but the only reason you can tell is because you know her so well. Her makeup is perfect and the dress fits her like a glove, but she’s a little thinner than she used to be and you can see how her eyes are less vibrant. Takeomi has an arm wrapped around her, his other hand holds a cigarette and drink. It looks casual and flirty but you know that it’s a chain. A sign of ownership as clear as the necklace you wear. 

Takeomi had fallen for your sister when you were young, promised that he’d take care of her, of both of you, and then never let her go. As much as she tried to keep you a secret, you found yourself dragged in front of the Executives to officially meet them. Yua couldn’t meet your eyes that night and Ran hadn’t left you alone since. 

Your heart clenches at the way your sister looks to Takeomi for permission and you move forward before she can ask him. You couldn’t bear to hear it. Ran lets you out of his grasp and you hug her tightly. She clutches you back just as hard. 

“You okay?” you ask softly. 

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.”

You let go, stepping back into Ran’s embrace and leaning against him. A small price for the favour he’s granted you. He holds you as tightly as Takeomi holds her. 

“Didn’t think you were coming,” Ran says, smiling at Takeomi. “Didn’t you say these things weren’t your scene?”

“Someone’s gotta keep you in line,” the other man answers. “Especially since your brother is otherwise…occupied.” He glances at you. “We have news for you too.”

“Me?” You blink and look between him and your sister. She straightens and smiles. It doesn’t look forced, reminding you of what she was like when they were first together. Before she found out how deeply involved he was. Before she was forced to introduce you to them all. 

Yua reaches out and touches your hand. “Not here. We’ll plan something soon, okay? Get together just the…four of us. Then we can talk, okay?” 

“Okay,” you agree. There’s no new ring on her finger so it can’t be that. Besides, you’re the only one left in the family and Takeomi seems old-fashioned enough to ask for the family’s blessing before he proposes. You hope. Not that saying no would make any difference. 

“Come on, darling,” Ran says, pulling you away. “Let’s continue our rounds.” 

When you get home, you’re exhausted. Your heart aches. Mingling with people who praise Bonten, as if they don’t know half the shit these men have their hands in, wears you down. It’s partly why you hate going to them. The other half is having to play up being Ran’s loving partner. At least at home, you don’t have to pretend. 

You go through the motions, placing your heels in your shoe closet, removing your jewelry and attempting to undo the zipper on your dress before giving in and searching for him. Ran is in the bathroom, already running the bath and undressing himself. His eyes meet yours in the mirror and despite knowing why you’ve come to him, he waits until you ask. 

“Can you get my zipper? Please?” 

His reflection smirks before he moves behind you. You grab your hair, pulling it out of the way. His fingers brush along the collar before he holds one edge and slowly pulls down the zipper. Fingers trail softly along your spine before he leans down and kisses your neck. “You were so good tonight,” he murmurs. “So beautiful. You know how many of those men wanted to take you home? To fuck you?” 

“No,” you say softly. His words are nothing new. He loves being the center of attention and having other people’s jealousy just adds to it. That’s why he dresses you in the most fashionable clothes he can buy. He thinks you’re sexy and wants everyone else to see it too. 

“And only I get that honour.” He tilts your head back so he can kiss you. You lean into it, opening your mouth so he can deepen it like you know he wants. “Come on,” he says when he finally breaks it. “The water is just the way you like it.” 

He helps you out of your clothes and motions you to the bath. It’s hot, but just as hot as Ran can stand. It’s not enough to burn him out of your skin. You sink into it, closing your eyes as you lean back. You can hear the soft sounds of Ran undressing, his clothes hitting the floor before he picks them up and folds them. The two of you are the same in that way, taking care of the things you have because you know what it means to not have any of them. 

“You gonna give me some space?” he teases and you open your eyes, moving forward automatically. The water splashes as he moves in behind you. It takes some positioning before the two of you are comfortable, but the bathtub is large enough to fit both of you. He made sure of it once you told him how much you prefer them. 

Ran moves you to lean back against him. You’re warm and comfortable and tired. His fingers follow maps against your skin that only he knows. You close your eyes and try to relax, but your mind replays the image of your sister. 

He kisses your neck. “What are you thinking about?”

“My sister. Just wondering what they want to talk about.”

“Maybe they’ll get married.”

You try to look at him. “You think so?”

“That or he finally knocked her up.” 

You freeze. A child would be permanent. You know Yua. There’d be no leaving with that. Not that either of you were ever getting away from these men. They had a chokehold on both of you. 

“You like that idea?” He murmurs against your skin. “Want one of our own?” 

“I–” you swallow tightly. “I don’t know. I never thought of kids.” It’s a lie. You don’t want one. You don’t want his. “Have you?”

His hand moves to splay his fingers across your stomach. “You’d look fucking hot pregnant.” It’s not an answer. “But then, you’ve always looked hot.”

You lean back against him. “You think we’re going to be together forever?” you ask softly. 

“Yes,” he answers with complete self-assuredness. He stills though when you don’t answer. “What? You don’t agree?” There’s a tension in his tone that warns you. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.” 

“It doesn’t matter what you think. You’re mine. You always have been.” The words come so easily, like he doesn’t condemn you every time he says it. 

“Always?” You can’t help but ask. You remember meeting the Executives and the way Yua whispered to you to stay quiet and not noticeable. She said to let her do the talking. She was going to introduce you and then you’d leave and she’d take you out to lunch in payment. 

You already knew Takeomi from her dating him. You liked him well enough, he occasionally took both of you out and made his own younger sister join so you’d have someone near your age to talk to when Yua brought you over. 

He introduced you to his coworkers. They weren’t that much older than you at the time, mid-twenties to your early twenties, but Ran flirted with you the moment Yua was distracted. You tried to keep your promise, to stay silent and uninteresting, but he flustered you and you both knew it. You couldn’t help but wonder if Yua was overreacting about it with they way they all spoke to you and by the time you left, it was too late. Nothing your sister could do protected you from his interest. You were so fucking stupid. 

“I knew you before we met,” he says. “Takeomi was always happy to go home to his long-term girlfriend and one day, he showed us pictures of some outing he took you both on when you were younger. Before Bonten was a thing. You were so cute,” he reaches up and pinches your cheek, laughing when you swat him away. “When he said your sister was thinking of leaving him, adamant to keep you out of it, well…we were all interested. I just got there first.” 

You frown at that. It’s likely not the complete truth. He never tells you the complete truth, but there’s enough in it for you to decipher. Takeomi was the one who gave you up. Likely in an effort to control Yua, especially since she had admitted she was considering breaking things off. It was getting too dangerous. But once Ran had you in his sights, you got swept into their current and there was no escape for the two of you. There never would be. 

“Let’s wash up and get to bed. Unless there’s an emergency, I don’t have to go in tomorrow. You get me all to yourself,” he teases. 

“Just what I wanted.” If he hears the sarcasm in your voice, he ignores it. You reach for the soap and hand it back to him.

Despite all his flamboyance and desire for fame, the one thing you know you can appreciate about Ran is his desire to sleep. He keeps your bed as comfortable as possible, including the highest quality sheets he can find. It’s tempting to sink into it, but once you dry off, you sit on the edge of the bed and grab the lotion. Ran takes it from you and kneels. You watch as he rests one of your feet on his leg and lathers the cream on. He does it carefully, even though you can see the exhaustion in his eyes. He takes his time to make sure you're taken care of. It would be sweet if you had come into this relationship more naturally, if you didn’t know that there was always going to be the threat hanging above your head, waiting for the final wrong move you make. 

You don’t move as he sets the cream aside. You know that look in his eyes, the way his pupils are starting to get blown out as his hands slide up your thighs. He leans forward, kissing you gently before tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth. He grins when he hears you whimper.

“You were so good tonight,” he says. You know that he means the way you interacted with your sister, the way you came back to him over and over. Violet eyes meet yours and your breath hitches at the promise in his next words. “Think you deserve a reward.” 

“Aren’t you tired?” you ask just as softly, trying to dissuade him from what you know he’s trying to do. “It’s been a long night.”

His lips move to your neck, still too soft for your liking. He’s trying to tease you, to build up the tension and praise you for something you only do out of fear. It’s so fucked up but it doesn’t stop you from letting him push you back to lay on the bed. 

“Not long enough,” he murmurs. 

“Ran.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he says. One of his hands takes yours, lacing your fingers together as he presses it down against the bed. He uses his other one to shift your thighs open wider so he can rest between them. “You know you’re mine, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. It’s the only thing you know he wants to hear. “Only yours.” You tie yourself tighter to him every time you say it but you’re starting to feel like you deserve it. Another nail in your coffin.

He kisses you again, this time harder, slightly more desperate and demanding. “So fucking good,” he mutters. 

You’re not sure if it’s relief or regret that settles in your stomach. He’s being kind, doting on you because you came back to him and didn’t make a scene at the event. The way your heart flutters at the praise makes you a bit sick. He’s always been good at making you focus on him, promising that no one else could take care of you like he can. 

His lips trail down your chest, leaving wet kisses until he reaches your breasts and takes a nipple in his mouth. Heat flares in your stomach. You arch into him without thinking, chasing the sparks of pleasure that race down your spine as he sucks a mark into the side of it. His free hand, the one not still laced with your fingers, squeezes your other breast. You close your eyes, wanting to lose yourself in the feeling. The weight of him is oddly comforting and familiar, even as you catch traces of smoke and cologne that have settled in his unwashed hair. 

“Ran, please…” He likes it when you beg. He’s told you over and over. The same way he loves hearing his name on your lips. 

“Hmm?” He breaks away from leaving marks on your skin to look at you. “Begging me so prettily already?” He smirks, knowing exactly what he’s doing to you. “You already wet for me, darling?” He shifts slightly, moving so he can place one hand up between your legs and curl his fingers in. “You are!” He grins at that. “You know exactly who you belong to, don’t you?”

You don’t even hesitate in answering. If you give him what he wants, he’ll give you more. You can escape into the pleasure he brings, if only for a moment. “You.” 

He doesn’t respond. He moves, shifting your legs wider before he kneels before you and buries his head between your thighs. He finally lets go of your hand, yanking you closer to him as his tongue licks its way in. Ran knows exactly how to make you crumble, how to beg for a release only he’ll give. It’s not long before he’s demanding you keep your eyes on him, while he brings you to the brink of your orgasm before pulling back just enough to stop you from reaching it. He does it again and again until you feel like you’re going to cry. 

“Please, Ran. Please, please please don’t stop.” You shouldn’t want him at all and you know you’re just going to feel awful after, but you’re breathless and begging and it somehow makes it ten times better and a thousand times worse. You don’t even fucking care. Not when you’re so close. 

“You want to cum, pretty?” 

“Yes!”

“Tell me what I want to hear.” He’s demanded it every time since you got caught trying to run, since your sister attempted to steal you back from him. Ran likes you like this, under him and remembering exactly where he thinks you belong. He likes to hold you on the brink until you swear that you’re his, only his, and you’ll never leave. Right now, you don’t care. 

“I’m yours! Only yours!” 

He pulls away, resting his head on your thigh as he looks up at you. His purple eyes are dark with arousal and the promises you’re sprouting. “Only mine?”

“Yes!”

“You ever gonna leave?”

“No! Never,” you tell him. “Never again!”

“Promise?” he sounds like he’s teasing you. He turns his head and nips at the skin of your leg. 

“I swear!” 

“Then cum.” He uses his fingers, curling them up and leaning forward to flick his tongue against your clit. Your legs and stomach clench as you try not to scream, lost in the feeling of him as he forces you headfirst into the orgasm he’s been denying you. 

He pulls back to let you breathe, but it doesn’t last long. He moves so he’s leaning over you again, grinning at your blissed-out expression as he smoothes back any hair that clings to the sweat on your face. “See? I can be nice,” he repeats his words from earlier, driving in the reminder of why he’s doing this tonight. “Love seeing you like this.” 

You reach for the back of his neck and pull him down into a kiss before he can tell you that he loves you. He returns it enthusiastically, before helping you adjust yourself further back on the bed. His kisses are possessive and demanding and enough to remind you that he’s not unaffected. You like hearing him swear when he presses himself into you, burying his head in your neck and telling you how good you feel, that you’re “fucking made for me, aren’t ya?” 

It doesn’t take long before you both break. His grip tightens as he groans and you hold him closer, trying to breathe to come down from the endorphin high. You ignore the way he presses his forehead against yours, how he exhales into your mouth before kissing you again. It’s softer this time, calmer, taking his time to make you feel him. Remind you how he convinced you to let him this close the first time. 

You can forget everything when he touches you like this, especially the weight of the chain he holds around your neck. It never seems that bad when you are panting for breath, when you feel like he is breaking at your touch and the two of you are just lost in each other for that moment. 

Time stops for that instant before regret curdles in your stomach at the way you’ve given in to him. Again. 

“Can you move?” you ask softly. “You’re kinda heavy.” 

“Calling me fat?” he teases, kissing you quickly again before he pulls out and away from you. You wince at the loss of him, at the way you feel empty now. He helps you stand before leading you back to the bathroom so you can both clean up. “Should have fucked you before the bath,” he muses. He looks tired now, slouching against the sink as he waits for you to finish. “Or in the bath.”

“Think of the mess,” you point out. Neither of you would want to clean up the water you know would spill on the floor.

“That’s true.” He watches you with half-lidded eyes and a pleased look on his face. He’s won again. You both know it. He moves behind you, pressing his chest against your back before leaning down slightly and curling a hand around your throat. You pause from washing your hands and meet his eyes in the mirror. He squeezes slightly, just another reminder that he holds you, before letting go and kissing the side of your neck 

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get some sleep.” 

You crawl into bed on your side and once you’re both settled, he pulls you into him, curling around you so that he can hold you. Ran inhales softly, murmuring how good you smell before he buries his face in your neck. He seems to fall asleep instantly but you know from previous experience that the moment you try to get out of bed, he’ll wake up. He always does. 

You can feel sleep pulling on you, dragging you down, but reality creeps back into your thoughts. Shame settles with every movement that Ran makes trying to get closer to you. You know you shouldn’t regret it, that you have little choice when it comes to the man, but it’s so easy to give in. Even when you know you shouldn’t. That every time you do, he’s chipping away at your resistance, that one day you’ll stop needing to choose your reactions carefully because the ones that please him will come naturally. You’ll be twisted to be what he wants. 

Maybe it would be easier that way. Maybe that’s what’s happening to your sister…and then you’d be allowed to see her again. Properly. Without chaperones who are half there to protect you and half there to report on everything the two of you do. Maybe the threat of either one of you being killed or punished because of the other wouldn’t matter. 

The realization settles in you. If either of you had known that this was what your future held, Yua would have never accepted that date with Takeomi. Just to keep you out of it. After all, that was the problem when you got involved with gangs. It was never just you. You get in deep enough and it takes everything you love with you. If only to hold it against you. 

But it doesn’t matter. You can’t change the past. Even if you could rewrite history, you know these men. It would still play out exactly how they wanted it to. No matter what either of you tried. Every path she’d take would have ended up here and you were always going to follow. They’d make sure of it. You are always going to be lost in their promises, in his touch, in the reminder that you’ve always been his, whether or not you’ve known. 

You let yourself sink into Ran’s warmth and the sound of his breathing, and fall asleep in his arms, cradled between your regrets and the man who claims you.

gen taglist: @raith-way @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse @themaradwrites @kingsmakers @far-shores

[tswhiisftteedr]

Hello You could do one of Adam (top) x male reader bottom top, with Adam having gay panic, with the reader being the submissive but at the same time the active one.

Gay Panic ☆ Oneshot

Adam x Winner!Male!Reader:

After encountering the first man himself at a heaven party, you find yourself being in quite the confrontational scenario. Will Adam come to terms to the reason behind his jerkiness towards you? And will you get something out of this originally annoying encounter? Only time will tell…

Words: 2354

Warnings: Mature Content, Explicit/Graphic Language, No sex but very much graphic description of a sexual fantasy, Homophobia & Internalized Homphobia, Adam forced realizing he likes man, Bad writing, NOT PROOFREAD.

Note: So I don’t do male reader smut(amab, trans ftm reader is fine tho) so this doesn’t have sex per say but it’s basically reader being a horny little shit and telling Adam how they want to be fucked by him or how they jerked off to the thought of him, so it’s graphic but no actual sex. Also I went for a winner instead of a sinner.

Author Note: I took a big break from writing so idk if my style changes or I got better/worst, so I hope you guys still like it.

☆ more under the cut. ☆

It had been a little while since you passed through the big gate in the sky—less than a year, but more than a month.

Truthfully, life up here had been pretty cushy. After all, it’s heaven; it’s supposed to be. But this surpassed all your expectations about the ‘good version of the afterlife.’ Everything was just so heavenly.

In addition to the comfortable living arrangements, life in heaven was genuinely fun, especially the parties. You might have thought a place devoid of all earthly substances would be dull, but it turned out to be amazing. Sure, the vibe was different from your standard 20th-century terrestrial party, but it was no less enjoyable.

One noticeable change was the attention you received from the ladies at these events. Your striking looks, overall charm, and handsome personality made you irresistible to any damsel, whether on earth or high in the heavens.

Though you didn't return the sentiment, as you leaned more towards men in terms of attraction, it never stopped the feminine crowd from fawning over you or the jealous ‘dude bros’ from pestering you. Beauty really is a curse, huh?

Speaking of ‘dude bros’, the biggest one was currently approaching you with an angry stomp as you stood in your secluded corner, sipping a virgin piña colada after finally escaping your female admirers.

He looked rather pissed off, and from what you’d heard about him and his entitled personality, you had a pretty good idea why he was so infuriated.

"You think you're some hotshot or something?" Adam spat out as he towered over you, his gold-tinged eyes narrowed into slits.

"Excuse me, what?" You questioned THE Man, feigning surprised at his sudden appearance despite the fact he was making a very obvious beeline towards you a second ago.

"Yeah, you heard me. Just because you’ve got some bitches flocking around like fleas makes you think you’re a big deal or something." He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and scoffing.

"But let me tell you the truth, assface, you're not. You're just some little guy who, at the end of the day, is nothing compared to the big dick in charge—me, Adam!" He leaned in closer, practically in your face, and let out a chuckled, though it sounded rather hollow—a desperate attempt to mask his envy.

He eyed the piña colada in your hand with disdain, watching your facial expression, waiting for an answer.

"Oh, then why did you walk up to me all red, hot, and bothered? If it isn’t jealousy towards me, then maybe... it could be that.. you want me, Adam. Is that it? Does the first man want to touch me?" You stepped closer, getting in his face now. "To fuck me." You traced your fingers up your body to accentuate your words then moved to lightly sliding them down his chest as you continued, "Because I wouldn’t be opposed to it; taking that dick of yours, letting you ravage my body as your sexy guitarist's hands get to explore every inch of mine, letting you stroke my cock, and finally, cumming together—your hot semen deep inside my tight ass. Well, that doesn't sound like a bad way to end a Friday night."

You could see his brain short-circuiting—he wanted to maintain his toxic alpha male facade, but your description of the potential intercourse had him feeling really hot.

After gathering himself, he finally shot out a: "Fuck you, that's gay," before basically running away, his face still beaming red, and his below-the-belt area definitely not opposed to the proposed evening.

You snickered to yourself and enjoyed the rest of the night as you pleased.

A week had passed since that party, and today was your first day at the Bureau of Heavenly Affairs. Sure, working in heaven wasn’t necessary at all—it was completely voluntary—but for some reason, helping Heaven with its legislation seemed like a fulfilling way to spend your afterlife. And worst-case scenario, you could quit with no repercussions.

So while there was some slight underlying anxiousness, you were confident in yourself—after all, you had passed the interview with flying colors! You were ready for everything—well, except coming face to face once more with that egotistical yet devilishly handsome piece of shit known as Adam.

During your first meeting, he had come out of nowhere to berate you because he was feeling insecure and jelly. Therefore, you wondered how he would react to seeing you in this setting and, more importantly, how he would react after realizing you were not a visitor but a new coworker.

Your bets were on the negative, and you were right. As soon as he spotted you, he came straight over, demanding answers in a very angry tone. Though it didn’t escape your notice that he did a blushing double-take after recognizing you before he eventually approached.

"Why the hell are you here?"

Without batting an eye, you replied, "Well, you're looking at this Bureau’s newest employee. Figured I'd help y'all run this place a bit more smoothly. i happen to be quite could when it comes to legislation, so might as well put my talents to good use, right? You're welcome."

Adam stared at you for a moment, looking like he couldn't form a response, probably because confronting you at a party in a drunken haze was one thing, but this was entirely different. Despite him being your superior in a professional environment, your actually professionalism compare to his half-assed one, clearly threw him off balance.

Gasping for air, he finally uttered, "Well I don’t want you here, I never gave you the permission to work here. Who do you think you..." His voice trailing off, Adam appeared to be in a state of disarray.

"Easy there, champ. I was interviewed by Sera herself. She thought my skillset was perfectly aligned with what the Bureau needed and decided to give me a chance. I guess the big boss lady had faith in my abilities and that count’s for way more than what you might or might not want," you interjected, raising an eyebrow and folding your arms, mimicking his previous stance.

Seeing a hint of red creep back into Adam's cheeks, you couldn't help but feel a surge of inner satisfaction. After all, he was the one who made a scene at the party and approached you today, and now he had to swallow his pride, possibly realizing that you were, in fact, untouchable in this environment.

As the tension between the two of you ebbed, Adam slowly regained his composure, although his resistance was still evident. "Fine. Whatever, make sure you don't fuck up, or there will be consequences." He returned to his office, not meeting your gaze and leaving you with a smirk on your lips.

Time passed by quickly as work ensued, you adjusting seamlessly into the bureaucracy, and, as expected, Adam's constant snide comments and micromanaging became part of your daily routine.

What was less expected, however, was the way his attitude shifted mere seconds after every encounter. As if invisible forces of shame and lust clung to him, haunting him long after your interactions. Wordlessly, Adam began to find excuses to approach you, always lingering for far too long, unable to keep his gaze from sweeping on your body.

From your point of view, he was constantly looking at you, and why he was behaving this way—you were not quite sure.

Surely he didn’t view you as a threat anymore when it came to women, so why was he acting like that? You entertained the idea that maybe that jackass, instead of being completely infuriated with you, was perhaps just into you.

It was almost laughable to think about: Adam, first man and number one dirtbag, who loved to boast about how much ‘pussy he crushes’, having a little crush (or at least a sexual attraction) on you—absolutely grotesque.

Well, that’s what you had thought for the longest time. But as unpredictable as things always were, your notion of reality was shattered just a couple of months into the job.

Today was the first work party you had decided to attend. There had been a few over the last four months, but each time, you just didn’t feel like going.

The party setting brought back a surge of memories, especially about a certain attending guest. You sighed to yourself just thinking about it, then give your attention back to your surroundings.

The room swarmed with laughter and the sounds of clinking glasses as employees mingled, sharing stories from work and enjoying the festivities. Despite the atmosphere, you clung to the edge of the dance floor, pretending to enjoy your non-alcoholic drink while observing from afar.

Adam, as the centerpiece of attention, lounged in the middle of the unit, his 'followers' hanging onto his every word. It didn't take long for him to spot you, and in an instant, he abandoned his conversation, stalking towards you with the swagger of the peacock that he was.

"It's too bad, really. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see your ugly mug and that you would've skipped tonight's party just like the others." he sneered, towering over you.

"Isn't it funny how things works." you replied, smirking without taking your eyes off him.

He rolled his eyes at your sarcasm and attempted to assert his dominance. "Still the same cocky attitude, huh? Well, listen up, because I'm saying it again. You better stay in your little corner and keep to yourself like your currently doing, I don’t want your fucking anything up tonight, or I'll make it my personal mission to punish you for it.." He leaned closer, trying to intimidate you.

But this time, you weren't ready to let his aggressive moves slide. You placed your glass on a nearby table, locking eyes with him, and speaking in a low, sensual voice, "Oh, is that so, big man? Hmm? I do wonder what kind of punishment someone like you would inflict on poor little ol’ me, especially considering how much of an eccentric asshole you are." You begin to transition to a more serious tone. "I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it’s something along the lines of a ‘private talk’ in that soundproof office of yours, or perhaps public humiliation." You then jump back into a teasing tone. "Oh yeah, that would get your rocks off for sure. Now listen here, pal. I don’t know why you have so much beef with me. I do my job and leave you the fuck alone, but somehow you always come by to be a little shit to me. It almost makes me wonder if you actually want me." Then, back to sensual. "Is that it? Do you have some kind of insatiable desire for me you're harboring deep down inside?”

A dashing blush spread across his cheeks, revealing the truth beneath the façade. Though he didn't respond immediately, you could see the veins in his neck twitching, hinting at the internal turmoil raging within him.

Finally, his voice came out strained, "Fuck you, I'm not like you."

"Like me?" you raised an eyebrow. "What could you ever mean by that, 'Adam'?" You inquired, placing special emphasis on his name, pronounced with a sultry tone.

"You know what I mean, you little bitch.” He says, pauses, then let’s out, “Gay. You’re fucking gay is what I mean.”

Totally unimpressed, you reply, “Yes, I’m gay. I thought we already went over that the day we met.” You roll your eyes.

“But then, what does that make you? You keep insisting that you're not, so what’s the reason behind your constant pestering? And I won’t accept just a ‘I don’t like you’ because your ass has been not only annoying but also permanently looking at me since I started working here. Even when you’re in your office, I can see you glancing through the blinds. So, what are you if not gay as fuck for me?” you question in a determined manner.

Adam's cheeks flushed deeper, the rage that usually bubbled up in him hampered by the your words. Your challenge, struck a nerve he had worked tirelessly to hide.

His voice was weak when he reluctantly answered, "I don’t know, you’re just annoying and kind of a...pussy," he managed to spit out before clenching his jaw and looking away in disgust.

You couldn't help but chuckle softly at his reaction, your voice deepening as you spoke. "Really, is that all that the ‘First Man’ gots to say?"

Adam's fists clenched and unclenched involuntarily, a gaze drifting over your body as your chest heaved with every breath you took. The syrup-like richness of your voice dripped through the gaps of his metal-tough facade, exposing cracks that could never be fully mended.

Your smirk broadened, your assertiveness leaving no room for denial. You knew you had him stuck and while you mentally processed that he did, actually, want you—what a shocker, first man wants some dick.

At that, you take a deep breath and gamble, “Listen, asshole, I’ll let you pound my ass in right now if you admit that you want me and apologize for how you’ve treated me so far.”

“Fuck you, I ain’t apologizing for shit,” Adam instinctively retorts, though he doesn't deny your offer.

“What was that?” you warn.

“I said I ain’t apologizing,” he repeats, and with that, you respond, “I guess I’ll just see myself off then. Guess you really didn’t want to fuck me.”

With that, Adam lets out a huff, then quickly says, “Yes, I want you, and I’m sorry for being an ass.” followed by an exasperated “You fucking happy now?!”

“Yes, very. Though we will need to work on that language of yours.” you reply teasingly and grab one of his wrists, dragging him into a random vacant room, which coincidentally happens to be his soundproof office. ‘How lucky is that?’

Let’s just say, as soon as that door closed, clothes were off, and you two did way more than have a ‘private talk.’

Thanks anons for requesting!

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Likes & Reblogs help!!! (Request Are On Pause)

[crab-milk]

What is lion dancing? You've mentioned it before, but I don't think I've seen it before

I'm particularly new to the world of lion dancing myself, but I hope this could also help! Lion dancing is a Asian tradition that blends puppetry, martial arts, and dancing that has been around 206 BC. Although it originated from China, countries like Japan, Korea, Vietnam, and South-East Asian countries have their own respective forms of lion dancing. There's actually quite a few types out there, but they can be identified by their martial art forms, lion heads, or nationalities. I'm probably going to info dump now so I'll cut it here for others to read if they'd like.

Before we get into that, I have to clear some common misconceptions. Lions are NOT dragons. Dragons are puppets that generally have 6 or 9 people holding it up on poles and are long (龙 lóng - do you get the joke lol). Foo dogs are technically lions, but the terminology was derived from white people who mistook lions as chow chow dogs.

To clear further confusion, the reason they're called lions is because allegedly, when China started trading with the western world, lions and their pelts were only reserved for the wealthy. Poor people spread word about what lions looked like, and it somehow turned out that way. There's a lot of mythology surrounding why people do lion dances, but the shorter version is that the lion scares off demons and ill-intentioned spirits from villages. It's now a tradition at openings of businesses, weddings, funerals, and festivities.

Most people are generally used to seeing southern Chinese or Cantonese lions. Traditionally, all of these lions are male and have different variations, again based on nationality or style of martial arts that it's derived from. There are northern lions, which have a male and female (red and green bows respectively), as well as Japanese and Korean lions, which are mostly comprised of wooden masks and long fur.

I'll mostly focus on southern Chinese lions, but they're all pretty neat! I mostly practice Fut-San lion dancing, which is a pretty common form. They notably have a ":3" face and the style of martial arts (wushu) is considered a very common standard for southern Chinese lions. Recent variations of these lion heads also have pom-poms as they are derived from Beijing opera costumes. Each lion also has a pointed horn on the top. They can also have fluffy or wiry fur for its eyelids and mouth, but there exists variations with bristles instead, which may signify that the lion is based on a historical military figure (kind of similar to how Beijing opera singers do specific makeup for specific characters).

These are generally more common in other countries. South-east Asian versions of the lions are extremely decorated, intricate, and distinct.

Hok-San lions are also pretty common. They are distinguished by having a "snake" horn which means the horn curls into a circle at the end and a ":)" face.

Despite their differences, all southern lions have a mirror in the front to ward off evil spirits, some horn with a bow attached, and a beard. Traditionally, the mirror is there to scare off spirits who look into it. The horn is generally added after the lion is almost finished being made, and the bow on the horn is added ceremoniously to bless the lion and honor the gods. It is highly recommended people don't touch them, save for the practical reasons of dirtying the mirror or tearing off the delicate horn, but also to avoid getting bad luck from ill-intentioned spirits.

That aside, I'd like to finally to talk about what to do when you see lions! If you have red pockets of money, the lion eats them up (and the performer in the head puts everything in their sweaty shirt). Sometimes, lions go and play with the audience, so feel more than welcome to pet them or play fight with them! Each performer has their own distinct personality that they play in the lion and as a result, have a lot to share with the audience!

I could go on and on, but I'm afraid this is really long for no reason. I hope this info dump helped!

[infinity-or-oblivion]

so my loa batkids au has gained a little traction and i’ve hit a bit of a wall when it comes to writing new stuff so here’s an infodump to hopefully kill my writers block xoxoxo

first of all, jason. my forever number one blorbo. there’s a bit of a role reversal here because compared to all the rest of them, jason arguably had it the easiest. like we’re not going to compare traumas but an argument could be made. i honestly don’t remember if i mentioned it at all in the actual series yet, but the story i have for jason is that his childhood with willis and catherine was about the same as canon/commonly accepted fanon, meaning he was homeless around nine years old. however, instead of living on the streets for years, it was only a few months tops before meeting bruce.

and bruce! this is very fun to me, but basically i was thinking that if he didn’t raise dick, then why couldn’t this version of bruce be younger? so bruce becomes batman in his early twenties, which is also around the time that he visits the league of assassins for training and damian is conceived. (for a little more about that, here) and bruce is roughly 25 when he finds a tiny 9-10 year old jason trying to steal his tires. just imagine that it’s so fucking adorable and heartbreaking ANYWAYS bruce, despite being overall a disaster, doesn’t let a malnourished 10 year old out to fight crime right away, so there’s a couple years between when jason first meets bruce and when he becomes a child soldier yayyyy!!!! but legit, it makes a lot of difference to jason, because you know how canon!jason has some self-esteem issues (for lack of a better term) around bruce not really loving him/seeing him as a son because bruce started training him as robin (and as dick’s replacement) immediately after adopting him- you know that whole thing? yeah well here, despite jason actually offering to help bruce as a vigilante, this bruce is like hell nah you’re literally ten years old and the size of a six year old no way, and those few years in between really stick in jason’s mind as solid proof that bruce really does love him, not for what use he can provide, but simply as a son. also being the only child definitely helps with that

(that little detail of jason and bruce’s relationship is slightly inspired by minimum height requirement, which is absolute batfam gold btw)

okay so. slight pet peeve of mine is in aus where dick isn’t the first robin, the legacy is still called robin for whatever reason (lookin at you reverse robins aus) because!!!!! how dare you erase mary and john grayson’s importance!!!!! (look there’s more nuance to it than that i know but. to put it simply it feels like flying graysons erasure to me) so in this au, jason can’t possibly be called robin. the real robin has been missing for roughly seven years at this point

and listen. i tried to be creative and come up with something cool and original for jason’s vigilante name i really did, but apparently i used all of my naming talent on nighthawk (fucking love that name for dick it’s so fantastic) so we just have bluejay. womp womp

also! on my list of things to expand on: main timeline stephanie!!! i’ve had an absolute blast making myself cry while writing every heart sings a song, incomplete and those who wish to sing always find a song, but spoiler steph will always be my babygirl. and duke!!!! i have not written barely anything for duke in this universe but believe me i have some Thoughts. perhaps even Ideas. basically a lot of steph&duke and steph&babs and steph&duke&babs because i love my little underrated trio

also just more babs in general, because like. i’ve had so many tiny little snippets of cass and babs and their sweet little relationship just sitting in my notes for literal years now that i really just need to organize and expand into their own fic. and yet. i have not done that. but rest assured cass&babs are very very important to me

such is the curse of female fanfic writers: always destined to fixate more on the male poor little meow meows than the female bad bitches. seriously what the fuck is up with that guys i don’t get it why does this happen

[sancta-seraphina]

Can yo u talk about some of the changes please? Just curious! but only if their not too spoilery

Hi anon,

I want to start this by saying I really did love the old 2019 version of Holiest. I think it's better now, but I loved that original version.

Actually, the longevity of the project is something a lot of people might not know about, so I wouldn't mind commenting on that, but after I answer the question.

About the chapters themselves:

One of the immediate changes for previous readers is that the entirety of the first chapter has been rewritten. It is much longer.

Chapters 2 through 5 have been reworked to accommodate for the removal of some characters (a separate topic).

Chapters 6, 7, and 8... I decided I didn't like, so those have been rewritten too. The content itself stayed the same. I just didn't like the writing, I felt it no longer reflected my writing style. I kept some things where I could suffer them, though. They also have some sparkly new scenes, which I will talk about below.

Chapter 9 is currently planned to be the same, however, I may just decide that I hate it. In which case, it will suffer the same fate as 6, 7, and 8 (same content, just rewritten).

As mentioned, a huge change was the removal of some of the characters who were, in my opinion, complicating and distracting from the story. This also included reducing the number of POVs (some scenes were simply rewritten to be from a different POV). Currently we have Lucifer as the main POV of the story for obvious reasons, with other scenes from the POV of Beelzebub, Jehoel, and newly, Metatron. The only thing that upsets me about this is that those characters who were removed were female, and my cast does not satisfy me in terms of having a lot of female characters.

Metatron is another significant change. Previously, he was only in three (3) scenes in the entire story, because I didn't actually need him until the last chapters despite him being so important (unlike The Harrowing, where he has a prominent role, Lord save us). But Metatron became really popular on my instagram, so I decided to work in more scenes with him and also to write from his POV [which you can get a preview of in today's excerpt].

The plot? Is the same. The worldbuilding? Also the same.

The map? I'm ignoring it (by which I mean procrastinating), BUT I've also made additional maps for the novel that can be previewed on my [patreon]. The illustrations? Uh, are not going to be the same and I'm kicking myself for it.

The method of publication? Totally different, it's no longer free—it's going to be a physical book now.

Anyways I hope that answered your question without spoiling too much.

The other thing that I wanted to discuss is the longevity of the project.

Although I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself right now to get the novel back out there, Holiest is nothing new, both to my long-term followers (hello to anyone who knew me in grad school or earlier, and also to all those who re-followed me upon changing blogs), and also to my life in general. It didn't have a name until 2016 or 2017 (I forget which), but my main character, yes I'm talking about Lucifer, literally dates back to 2007 and I still have my first drawing of him with that timestamp. Maybe I'll be brave enough to share it one day.

And the story has always had the same themes, even from its beginning days in '07, '08, and '09: with a heavy emphasis on mental illness/psychosis (of the devil in particular), angels in Hell, and Revelation-inspired visions/hallucinations.

As mentioned, the novel itself was completed in 2018 (I did not write during college/grad school due to lack of time, and I graduated in 2015. I do have endless artworks of the characters from throughout my time in college) and I began publishing in August of 2019. Also my patreon itself dates back to 2017.

But I like to take my time when creating, don't outsource my illustrations to others (please understand how much time art takes), and I am a company dancer in a ballet. So yes, it has been over five years now since first putting it online.

Anyways, although it's been updated, it is not changing in terms of what it is, it has been here for a VERY long time (which others can attest to), and it is also NOT going away.

[marciabrady]

Hi! I was surprised to see somewhere you mentioned you don't like Lily James's Cinderella. I'm not judging, just surprised bc she seems to be widely considered the best live action princess depiction. I do think her Ella is less spunky and interesting than OG Cinderella but what criticisms do you have? Do you think she's as bad as Rachel's Snow will probably be?

I don't think anyone will ever be as bad as Lily was in her film, not even Rachel. With Rachel, it's a difficult situation because people keep changing what she did depending on what the public reaction is to absolve her of any wrongdoing so the internet can baby her. If people are upset with her comments about disliking Snow White, everyone will rally to her defense and say, "But she DIDN'T say that- watch her interviews!" and if someone clips exactly what she said, the goalpost is changed to, "OK, but it's an 80 year old movie; she was right!" So there's no merit in any discussion regarding Rachel, though I do think it's an out and out shame to have one of the most influential films and characters of media history be seen through such a banal lens, with criticisms which don't even hold any weight and all likely originated by an apathetic dullard that had beef with their childhood and took it out on a Disney film, and those criticisms kept getting passed around decade by decade (like I don't think these people who parrot these things to attempt to be intellectually superior to whatever they perceive to be the dominant culture of the past realize that they're really just repeating misogynistic trite half the time; like at Lindsay Ellis' character arc on The Little Mermaid from the late 2000's to today). I don't think anyone who actually watches Snow White for themselves, Rachel included, would have the takes she touts to have if they had to use their own head to come up with those opinions. But that groupthink and monoculture is an entirely different story for another time (and we can see how it's evolved, from everyone agreeing with the things she said despite it not lining up to the movie, to then morphing to the point of actually trying to pretend that Rachel loves the character of Snow White; posting pictures of going to the parks near the character's merchandise after being cast as the character is something different entirely to showing an understanding and appreciation of it, both of which Rachel is completely lacking in. The only thing she admires about Snow White is her reflection in it, now that she's been cast).

With Lily specifically, I think it's much more heinous for so many reasons. Not to compare traumas, but Snow White goes through more than any other character- male or female- in the animated canon. So while she, too, suffers abuse in her lifetime, I think Cinderella's film is the one that's kinda become the posterchild for surviving abuse so I think Lily opening her uneducated mouth and cosigning on victim-blaming rhetoric was not only incredibly inane, detrimental, uncalled for, and harmful of her to do, but also just...incomprehensibly dense when she gave us someone that more closely aligned with the victim doormat she accused the original of being? To be pompous and as self aggrandizing as Lily is, going to movie premieres that are only possible because of the original production which was the labor of love for thousands of artists, and to put it all down and paint abuse victims in such a shallow, unintelligent light, lacking any perspective, and propping your version up as the "stronger," more "empowered" one, when she gave us one that was more centered around a man, objectively weaker in every possible way, less nuanced, and hyper-sexualized, pandering to the male gaze...to me, it's everything wrong with these Hollywood hypotheses today in a nutshell.

Ilene Woods' Cinderella is so multilayered and human. and with it being a realistic portrayal, it can be alienating- because it reflects life. Some people like you, some people don't. Ilene's Cinderella had limits and could be curt and struggled with her faith and resented her situation, but she also had a fighter's spirit and was resilient and had humor and courage. You got a sense that, this was someone who never had any resources of their own and became, to everyone else, what she never had for herself, which created a path toward her inevitable freedom and success. Lily's...smiled dully, communicated ineffectively, and was a mess from a characterization standpoint. All the ways they tried to make her "empowered" or "develop her" hurt the story. The film is called Cinderella- by trying to develop her relationship with the Prince by making them meet in the woods before the ball, they changed the motive for Cinderella going to the ball to meet the Prince again. That's a HUGE step back and more closely aligns with Lily's insane comments that the original "just waited for a Prince to save her." In the original, she didn't even think she'd ever see her dance partner again after she left the ball. Her fighting for her right to go to the ball was symbolic of her demanding to be seen as a person in the eyes of their society and refusing to be bypassed once more. She didn't come for a Prince- you can see that by the way she showed up to the ball by herself and journeys through the Castle, admiring the architecture, while everyone else- including Anastasia and Drizella- are lined up to meet the Prince. Never once does she mention a man or love in any way until after he approaches her at the ball. She even leaves the Prince at midnight and doesn't know until the next morning who he is or that he's looking for her. That's a long step away from Lily's portrayal, 65 years later.

They try to give Lily more "snappy" moments to prove that she can assert herself (which original Cinderella had no issue doing) but they do it in a way that's largely ineffective. She challenges the Prince, but that's the only person and the way she does it...oof. When he asks her about her family, she passively whispers, "they treat me as well as they are able." But she's comfortable yelling at a stranger with weapons about hunting??? How is this the same person???? When she speaks back in French to her family, but the audience doesn't know what she said and neither does her stepfamily- and after it, she just runs along and does their bidding anyway? There's so many more examples. And, of course, her spinning around in circles and singing out-loud in the attic is the most obviously heinous example of her characterization. I swear, it's crazy to me that these real people half a century after the animated films, that accuse the originals of having shallow and regressive characters, give us just that. It's also funny to me that Lily James went on a press tour bashing the original Cinderella and looking ignorant as it pertains to abuse and feminism, and then got offended when reporters asked if her waist was photoshopped and she had the gall to reference the fact that we should be in a time where women support women. Lily's production of Cinderella reinforces Eurocentric beauty standards more than the original- the stepsisters, Lady Tremaine, and the Fairy Godmother all fit a very similar type of conventional beauty- young, hyperfeminine, white with VERY similar features, and stylized. They're completely monolithic in terms of body type and appearance, and took away the diversity of age ranges, body types, and physical features in the original. Then for Lily to gape about people asking her about her diet, after she spent an hour bashing the original female character as being "passive." Lily even openly admitted to being laced within an inch of her life, naturally being thin with a small waist but having to go on a liquid diet because she couldn't fit into her clothing otherwise. She laughed about having to belch in the Prince's face over and over again because she was so tightly laced and her stomach hurt from only being able to drink liquids and not eat...idk she just lacks in any intelligence or charm to me. I think it's also harmful because it's become the favored version, with Disney writing it into the original's novelization in contemporary books, with people think Lily's character was what the original one was and forgetting their differences, ugh I could go on about this forever. Just know I think Lily's performance in this film is the worst in cinema history lol

[darael]

Regarding Imane Khelif and Angela Carini

I originally made a version of this post in response to one about how Angela Carini wasn't to blame for the massive wave of nonsense that has been directed at Imane Khelif; about how her perfectly reasonable emotions (and some actions based on those that she regrets) were being used to make her an icon of a hate movement she does not support. About how both of them were victims of misogyny in this situation.

This is gonna be a long post, folks, so buckle in.

The problem is, there's reason to believe Angela Carini fully intended what she sparked, and is not sincere in her apology. Before we get into that, though, I want to emphasise some things:

Even if I am right and Angela Carini is some combination of racist, intersexist, transphobic, and/or willing to exploit these bigotries for her own benefit, that will not justify misogyny towards her. We can criticise her actions and inferred intentions without relying purely on sexist or misogynistic tropes and slurs.

Defending one woman by tearing down another is a dynamic that's been used misogynistically many times in the past, but

Talking about "white women's tears" is not actually that when the thing described actually fits another pattern seen in racial-justice circles: white people, but especially white women, do often weaponise crying and claims of injury (whether physical or emotional) to get disproportionate harm done to people of colour and especially Black people. This results from an intersection of racism and patriarchy, in which white women are treated as fragile and inherently in need of protection from "savages" and men. The underlying premise is misogynistic but women with the requisite privilege can still weaponise it.

The attacks on Imane Khelif are transmisogynistic (because they rely on the trope of the predatory, violent trans woman), intersexist (because they rely on claims that she's intersex, and that this would make her more prone to violence), and racist (because the denial of women of colour's femininity, the making of their access to the social class of "womanhood" conditional, has been a long-standing part of white supremacy). These things are true even though Khelif is not trans and is not known to be intersex, because bigotry doesn't care if its direct victims are actually the ones intended. She is a cisgender, likely-perisex woman of colour who is experiencing misogynoir, intersexism, and transmisogyny.

Got it? Good.

Now, then. First, some background:

At the Olympics, in the 66kg women's boxing, Imane Khelif from Algeria was up against Angela Carini from Italy for her first match (in the second round; she got a bye from the first due to seeding). Khelif had formerly been disqualified from a 2023 tournament run by the International Boxing Association (IBA) under… suspicious circumstances. Despite having passed "gender testing" the year before, she was suddenly re-tested and disqualified mid-tournament after she beat a Russian boxer. It is worth noting that the head of the IBA is Russian, and under his leadership the Association's only sponsor is the Russian fossil-fuel company Gazprom, and that the IBA has been barred from participation in the Olympics due to rampant corruption (the Olympic Committee handled qualifiers directly since there wasn't an alternative association to turn to) — so you can see why this is suspect. The IBA claimed that Khelif's testosterone was not tested, but "another recognised test was used", the nature of which the organisation refuses to disclose. The head of the IBA said on Telegram that Khelif had XY chromosomes, but he is hardly a trustworthy source and the organisation has not confirmed his claim. Even if it's true, Imane Khelif was assigned female at birth, raised as a girl, and has passed all the (transphobic and intersexist) Olympic committee's medical eligibility tests; she categorically does not have a meaningful sex-derived advantage over other women.

Angela Carini was injured from her first-round fight, but chose to take part in the second round anyway. After taking two blows in her fight against Khelif, she withdrew. The match took 46 seconds, which is certainly short, but not fantastically so. She broke down in tears and said something that could be translated as "it's not fair!" or "it's not right!", but this could be construed as frustration over her Olympic dreams (and especially a promise she apparently made to her father that she'd go all the way) being broken. Similarly with the way she refused to shake the hand of the woman to whom she'd just conceded a match. She also made comments to the effect that she'd never been punched so hard. In response to this, transphobes, intersexists, and racists accused Imane Khelif of some combination of being trans, being intersex, and faking her gender (though of course they did not use these terms; their claims were that she was secretly a man). As mentioned above, there is zero reliable evidence that this is the case, but that hasn't stopped bigots from running with it.

Here are the things I wish to point out about Angela Carini's behaviour:

Before the match, she put out a (now-deleted) tweet calling Imane Khelif un uomo — "a man":

This suggests she was cozying up to those seeking to disqualify Khelif on racist grounds well before the match actually started.

Since the match but before her apology, her coach has described her as seeing herself as "a paladin" for a cause:

This suggests she actively embraced the transphobia and intersexism that was promoted in her name.

She's also boasted about how since the match she visited Italy's vehemently transphobic, and indeed outright fascist, leader, who "welcomed her like a daughter", which certainly isn't conclusive but isn't a great look. I don't have the source for this one on hand, sorry.

But Carini apologised, right? Well, kind of. She apologised for refusing to shake Imane Khelif's hand after their bout. She said she'd embrace her. She also said "if the IOC said she can fight, I respect that decision" — which might appear reasonable on the surface but also actively plays into the idea that there's some reason the IOC might not have said she could fight. She also also said "It could have been the match of a lifetime, but I had to preserve my life as well in that moment", which could be a genuine expression of an athlete's need to take care of their body, but also feeds neatly into the "this freakishly strong brute could have killed Angela Carini!" narrative that her allegedly-unwanted supporters were already using. Further, the closest she came to apologising for anything other than refusing to shake Imane Khelif's hand is "all this controversy makes me sad", which is… not actually an apology. All quotes in this paragraph were from Carini via the linked Ground News post.

I have seen allegations, but I'm not claiming this to be the case because I haven't examined the evidence, that Carini has a history of faking an ankle injury to end a fight against a stronger boxer in 2022. I mention this for completeness, but it's also worth saying that even if true, while this might suggest a propensity for exaggerating the extent of an injury, in the match against Imane Khelif she was visibly bleeding when she withdrew, and her broken nose from her previous match would also have been difficult to fake.

In my conclusion: it is my belief that Angela Carini was a willing participant, not an innocent pawn, in the racist, transphobic, intersexist, and plain misogynistic (not to mention baseless!) allegations made against Imane Khelif. I acknowledge her partial apology, but it strikes me as an attempt to evade being held responsible for what her actions caused rather than a genuine one. Even if she is sincere, it seems to me that this would represent a thought process along the lines of "this got out of hand" rather than "I did something wrong". You don't have to agree with me, of course. What evidence I have is now in your hands, and you must make up your own mind.

[comicsart3]

Black Widow has a reasonably long comic book history, making her first appearance in Tales of Suspense #52 in 1964 but has arguably only recently come into her own thanks to reboots from the 2000s and the character’s appearance in the Marvel Comics movie franchise (Iron Man 2 in 2010). Despite being the creation of Stan Lee, Black Widow was a rather two dimensional Cold War figure, whose real name was Natalia (Natasha) Romanova who operated as a seductive Soviet spy and assassin in the 1960s, usually pitched against Iron Man and fellow Avengers. She was later portrayed as something of a brainwashed dupe, controlled by her sinister Communist Russian bosses, until at last, she discovers the joys of American individual freedom and defects to the USA. After this the character somewhat loses her point, working occasionally with The Avengers and briefly becoming Hawkeye’s love interest. In the 1970s, the character was relaunched as a crime-fighting espionage “babe” complete with tight leather costume, her flowing iconic red hair and a jet set lifestyle, perhaps manifesting Marvel’s ongoing struggle with feminist portrayals of its (few) major female characters.

The character dropped from sight in the 1980s and made fleeting appearances the following decade, usually allied to Tony Stark and was a sometime member of The Avengers. Her contributions were often linked to her former role as a Soviet operative, particularly after the Russian Communist regime collapsed in 1991.

In the more nuanced world of the 2000s, Black Widow has become a more standard sexy-but-lethal espionage character, generally working with the good guys against international threats, but her fraught background makes her a morally ambiguous figure, prone to rogue behaviour. In the page featured, Black Widow takes on Alexei Shostakov, Natalia’s original husband. Shostakov began as the Soviet version of Captain America, Red Guardian, frequently working with his wife on anti Western missions during the Cold War. Alexei became estranged from Natalia after her defection, and in the post-Soviet era, the need for Red Guardian was no more, so Shostakov took on the role of Ronin, a more conventional super assassin for hire, although he retained a love for Mother Russia. Working with a terrorist group known as the Dark Ocean Society, Ronin was eventually taken down by a number of Avengers, including Black Widow, and was actually, rather embarrassingly for him, captured and incarcerated by his ex-wife.

Black Widow, for me, falls rather unfortunately between the stools of more convincing DC heroines/villainesses such as Catwoman and Huntress and never quite equals either, her earlier politicisation as a character perhaps not helping. Her current role as a modern Modesty Blaise-type figure perhaps suits her best.

Sources: Black Widow and Red Guardian Wikipedia entries and ReadComicsOnline.