#despair of not being loved properly as a child

[smexydilflover]

When the "lore" is so bad you actually have to keep it to yourself and take it to the grave because if people knew they would never look at you the same and just feel sorry for you all the time.

[animasola86]

Come back to bed, baby!

Notes: This is a continuation of It is that time again, darling - set about a year later.

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut // Words: 10.1k // [READ ON AO3]

Synopsis: Dad!Seb is back and he actually managed to put his breeding kink to good use. Or did he?

WARNINGS: NSFW! MDNI! Vague mentions of pregnancy, birth and undefined postnatal aches (bedridden reader). Angst and guilt and PTSD. Dirty talk and marital sex (including oral and vaginal sex and a special breeding kink)! Also babies and breastfeeding. Proceed at your own risk!

Come back to bed, baby.

“Come back to bed,” you whisper with a sigh as you look from your finally sleeping twin babies to the man pacing the little room. Sebastian slips his hand through his already messy hair and messes it up even more, a concentrated, serious expression contorting his handsome features.

He throws you a slightly pained look and exhales loudly. “It's not going to work,” he mutters under his breath, furrowing his brows, now pushing both hands through his hair.

“Sebastian,” you whisper and beckon him closer, your arms outstretched as you shift on the bed. Your babies lie in their crib next to you, breathing deep and peacefully, completely oblivious to their anxious father.

He finally listens to you and sits on the edge of the bed, gently grabbing your extended hand and cradling it between his long fingers carefully. You share a deep gaze, a soft unspoken understanding of your situation.

When the twins were born about two months ago, it hasn't been easy on you, and you were forced to spend your days in bed ever since until your body would finally fully recover.

Even though the birth of Beatrice and Bernie (you luckily could convince your eager husband to drop the name Bartholomew before your baby boy was born) has brought two new joys into his troubled life, he has been conflicted ever since because despite having birthed him a pair of twins before, this time it has really taken a toll on you – and in typical Sebastian fashion, he blamed himself for putting those children into you in the first place.

Fortunately it wasn't as bad that you had to stay in St. Mungo's, but being at home, bedridden, only able to nurture your newborns while you were barely able to look after Benjamin, Archie and Anne, hasn't been easy on either of you. And on top of that, your combined money resources started to dwindle now that your firstborns were to attend Hogwarts in a few months.

Sebastian has taken two leaves from his job as Professor for Magical Theory since the two of you had decided to try for another child: one to spend entire weeks holed up with you in bed, using every waking minute to successfully fill you with his seed, and one right before you had given birth to your new twins, which has been prolonged due to the unfortunate circumstances of their birth and what it had done to your body.

But the most unfortunate thing about it all was the fact that Headmaster Black refused to properly pay him for his absence, despite his eager attempts to somehow work from home and still try to teach his students – and not even Professor Weasley had been able to convince the stubborn man to change his mind: if Sebastian wasn't able to teach and be present while doing so, he was not going to get paid, end of story.

You usually didn't need much money. Living in Aranshire, you had a loving community around you, always willing to help, be it with babysitting or providing you with food, yet the last winter had been rough on your little hamlet, and your own little garden had suffered greatly, despite all your attempts to save it with magic.

The biggest issue were the needed supplies Benjamin and Archie were to bring to Hogwarts, and even the second-hand options didn't come cheap. Yet you never despaired, even though Sebastian became more worried by the hour, the lines on his forehead deepening every day.

“We'll manage,” you whisper as you squeeze his hand lightly, tugging at it to tell him to come closer. He complies and climbs into bed with you, carefully settling his long body next to yours to not hurt you more.

You've told him a lot of times that you weren't hurting (too much) and that you needed him to cuddle you properly, but he has become a little wary whenever you would wince slightly and let out a groan. You've tried to be brave for him, but he quickly saw through your charades. You were never able to hide anything from him.

He inhales deeply and nestles beside you, his head resting on your shoulder as he gently wraps one arm around your body and pulls you against him, his touches so much more careful than you were used to.

You can barely remember the times when he would just grab you by the waist and drag you towards him, or when he held you by the hips, his fingers bruising your skin, while he would pound into you relentlessly. You even missed the spanking and choking you used to let him indulge in whenever he convinced you to by looking at you out of those damn puppy dog eyes. By Merlin, you missed seeing the mischievous spark inside his warm brown eyes the most.

It wasn't that you didn't have sex any more. Even during your pregnancy you couldn't stay away from each other for long, always needing the other close, very close even, but the bigger and rounder you got, the more careful he became until he barely dared touching you at all, afraid to hurt you or your precious cargo. And after your body failed to recover from the strain of carrying and birthing two very proper children, he downright refused to put you in harm's way, especially if it was him who might cause you said harm.

Over the last weeks you were able to convince him that you felt better, and indeed you did, even though you still felt weak whenever you had to leave your bed – which was to expected from lying there all day and all night, you told him. Of course you knew why he was so concerned, and it pained you more to have him go through the anxiety of seeing a loved one struggling than it pained you to breathe properly.

You raise a hand and try to flatten his messy locks before you give up and simply stroke his head. He breathes deeply against you as if the weight of the world would be on his broad shoulders. It certainly feels like it to him, no matter how often you'd tell him that you will be fine, that everything will be fine again.

“I could get a job,” you say after a long moment of listening to his and your babies' soft breathing, the warmth of his body comforting you, almost drowning out your worries.

He shakes his head instantly. “No, you have to focus on getting better again,” he mumbles into your chest, his hand moving up and down your arm. “I'll find a way to get paid again. There has to be a way! Just because I decided to stay home after my babies' birth... it's not fair... what horrible times we live in...” he continues, mumbling against you, his hot breath grazing your skin where your nightgown has slipped down slightly.

“I could knit or... weave or whatever else these ladies here do,” you say, ignoring his objections. “Or I can learn to make things knit themselves, and then we could sell what I made...”

He scoffs lightly, the sound a rare one these days. “No offence, darling, but you really aren't particularly dexterous when it comes to making things. No one wants to buy a pair of mismatched socks fit for a troll or a house-elf, not even house-elves would want to be given that...”

“I'm sure there's a market for it!” you say with mock-indignation before you laugh softly, the motion causing a deep rooted pain to jerk through your lower body. He notices your wince before you do and quickly leans up to place a warm hand on your stomach, looking at you with more worry lines etched into his face.

“You need to get healthy again first,” he whispers, almost pleadingly as he brings his face closer to yours, your noses touching as you feel his hot breath on your lips. “I need you to get healthy again.”

You inhale deeply and gently grab his chin, rubbing your thumb over the stubble that has gotten more over the last weeks. “I'm fine,” you tell him and close the distance between the two of you when you press your lips to his, savouring those sweet little moments where you can feel him close to you, each kiss reminding you of all those years you spent with each other, all the hardships you conquered, all the nights (and days) you had become one when your bodies moulded together in perfect harmony.

He leans back slightly, his lips ghosting yours as his dark eyes bore into your own. “Don't lie to me,” he says quietly, with a hard edge to his usually soft voice.

You hold his gaze. “I will be fine,” you correct yourself and pull his face to yours once more, needing to kiss him and forget about the aches of your body. He exhales loudly against you, but then shifts beside you and gently cups your face with his big hands as he kisses you back softly, still watching you closely out of half-lidded eyes.

You lean into his touch and close your eyes, relishing in the feeling of his warm lips, his even warmer tongue as he slips it into your mouth, and his hot breath that always made you feel light-headed. Your fingers scrape over his stubble, the sound sending pleasant shivers down your spine as a quiet moan escapes your throat.

He leans back at the sound and your eyelids flutter open as you look at him with your lips tingling. There it is, the fire burning in his eyes, the desire to coax even more noises out of you. Despite not being able to touch you properly, he never fails to let you know how much he wants you, how much he adores you and cherishes you and desires you.

How much he wants to ravish and devour you if only he could.

You see him looking towards the crib where your babies still sleep peacefully. It had taken you three children to finally get the hang of how to properly make a baby fall asleep, though it certainly helped that Beatrice and Bernie seemed to be connected even after having shared the same womb. You sometimes find them lying together holding each other's tiny hands, and the sight always brings tears of joy into your eyes, making you forget everything else their birth brought upon you.

Sebastian's eyes linger on them for a moment longer, before he looks back at you, the fire still burning in his brown irises. And then a smirk grazes his lips, and you stare at it longer than you should, savouring the rare sight.

You are tempted to pull him back for another kiss, but then he gently cradles your head and makes you lie down again before he cuddles close to you, pulling your body half-way onto his as he presses his front against your rear. You shift against him, turning your head towards him. His arms are around you as he brings his face close to your ear, his breath ghosting your skin.

“Do you think they can hear us?” he whispers softly, the low timbre of his voice vibrating through your very core, coaxing a soft whimper out of you.

You shake your head, knowing that a troll could storm your house and your twins would still sleep through it. They'd only wake when they would be hungry, and luckily they had a set schedule, giving you a few more hours of peace, though the same couldn't be said about your breasts if you've read the look in your husband's eyes correctly.

As if willing your suspicions to life, you feel his hands moving under the hem of your nightgown, confidently sliding over your stomach and up to your plump mounds. His big hands barely fit around them any more, but it doesn't stop him from giving them the proper care they need. You lean against him and inhale deeply, licking your lips as you feel his fingers pinching your nipples carefully.

Despite his no-sex policy and giving extra care to not put a strain on your body, he still sneaks in the occasional grope as his slight obsession with your breasts never left his lust-filled mind. He adored them when you were a teenager with not enough flesh to fill out any proper dress, and he adored them more and more with every child you've given him and every gram of extra fat those same children have gifted you.

And you learned to crave his careful touches, the tender and the rough ones, even though the latter have become so scarce. With his arms snaked around your body, he fondles your soft flesh gently, rubbing his palms over it and rolling your sensitive buds between his fingers until they are hard and almost leaking. You take a shuddering breath as he leans his forehead against your ear and presses his lips to your neck, his tongue gliding over your pulse until he hums softly when he can feel your rapid heartbeat vibrating against him.

“Imagine,” he says quietly between kissing and licking your neck, while he keeps massaging your breasts with careful fingers, “the things we could do... with Ben and Archie in Hogwarts, and Anne with Edgar, and the twins sleeping peacefully...”

A soft moan escapes you. “I do that, every day,” you confess just as quietly. “It keeps me sane while I lie here... waiting to get better... waiting for you to push me into the bed again, bury me under your body as you bury yourself into me...”

He exhales loudly against you, the grip of his hands getting a little firmer as he grazes his teeth over your pulse. You shiver. “You mean when I bury my cock into your pussy,” he repeats with a dark chuckle. “You've gone soft on me over the last months. Where's that dirty mouth of yours?”

You give him a tiny smirk. “I have innocent babies around me all the time, I don't want their first word to be something like... that...”

He snickers against you. “Come on, these are British kids, they'll learn to talk like that soon enough anyway. They'll say cunt as if they'd be talking about the weather... Don't worry about them.”

You roll your eyes, inhaling deeply to push your chest into his hands as he's stopped groping you for a moment. “So what are you imagining while you lie next to me, unable to do the things you want to do?” you whisper as you turn your head to him, meeting his heated gaze.

He resumes his fondling, pinching your hard nipples almost a little too rough now. You take a sharp breath, and he stops for a second, but then continues nonetheless, seeing the blissful spark in your eyes.

“Oh, so many things... most of all I want to see you come undone in front of me, I want your eyes to roll back and your lips to part for those soft noises to come out and your face to contort in nothing but pure ecstasy. I want to see your body convulsing in pleasure after I rub you or finger you or lick you or fuck you...” He sighs and closes his eyes for a second, surely picturing the things he's just told you.

You let out a soft whimper. “I'd love to feel weightless again,” you then admit. “Floating so high it will rival any broom flight. I want to feel you twitching inside me, your hips jerking against me as you push so deep you'd prod my womb, and I want you to fill –”

He stills his movements and exhales almost angrily. Your eyes flutter open as you watch him with a frown. “No,” he says quietly and stares back towards the crib, slowly withdrawing his warm hands from your slightly aching breasts. “I... I don't think I can do that... ever again,” he whispers barely audible when his eyes wander back to your body, lingering on your lower half where the dull pain hums deep within. “I can't bear the thought of hurting you again, of making you go through all of that again... It was my seed that did this to you... You're in this bed because of me...”

“Sebastian!” you say almost sternly as you've had this conversation many times before. “I told you, it's alright. Look at your babies, they are as healthy as can be, and I will be too. I am here, aren't I? You heard the healer, it could have been so much worse, but it wasn't! I'm still here!” You grab his chin and make him look at you. “We've both wanted this, I wanted this, and believe me, I will do it again!”

“No, you won't! I can't lose you!” he pleads and presses his lips together, his eyes wandering away again.

The turmoil is etched deep into his features, and it breaks your heart seeing him like this. You know he wanted to add a “too”, and it hangs between you like a dark cloud of a past you both tried to work through, but never actually succeeded to do so. So many years after losing his sister it was still hurting him, and it hurt you even more not being able to help him through the pain. You've tried, everything, but it was a black spot on his soul that would never go away.

“You won't lose me,” you say softly, waiting for him to look back at you. When he does, you smile at him. “I'll always be here. I promised you, and I always keep my promises, you know that! I gave you five healthy children and I would have given you more. But I can't have you worrying so much, you know it'll only destroy you. And I need you, more than ever, all of you.” You pull his chin towards you and press your lips to his. “Even your seed in my womb,” you add in a low whisper against his mouth.

He furrows his brows despite your consoling words. It takes him a moment to consider them before he exhales deeply, his breath hot on your skin. “We'll have to be extra careful then, from now on, you know that, right? And I'll never stop worrying, you know that's part of my charm.” You smirk darkly at that, and you see the corner of his lips twitching slightly too. “But I have to admit, I missed filling you up to the brim...”

You laugh quietly, forcing yourself not to wince under the motion. “I missed that too... Do you remember those weeks we spent in bed? Weeks! It was all a blur at the end but I've never felt so exhilarated, so full, so weak and yet so elated to hopefully walk out of it carrying your child. Well, even if walking was not an option after all of that...”

He chuckles softly. “Oh, I always think back to that...” he purrs against your lips. “You've never looked better than with my seed seeping out of your pussy...”

“And all the positions we tried?” you go on, smiling happily as you think back, leaning your forehead against his. “I didn't even know half of them. But leave it to my bookish husband to teach me something while trying to hold his cum inside me...”

He smirks wider, tilting his head to kiss you gently. “And you know, there's even more we could try once you're feeling better,” he whispers between kisses before his lips move along your face back to your neck. Then his tone gets a little darker. “There's so much I still want to experience with you.”

“And you will,” you whisper back, grabbing his hair as he starts nibbling on your sensitive skin. “I'm here for it, for all of it. For you,” you add and press your lips to the top of his head.

He sighs contently and wraps his arms around you carefully as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his hot breath a little jagged as you feel his shoulders shake slightly. You swallow hard and rub his back when you can feel his tears dripping onto your skin.

Taking a shuddering breath yourself, you lie in each other's embrace for a long moment as you hold him as tightly as you can until he's calmed down again. Nuzzling your nose into his soft hair, you fill your nostrils with his scent while his warmth seeps into your body, relaxing the soreness you feel within.

“Sebastian,” you whisper quietly after yet another moment as he just lies in your arms, breathing deeply. “Let's make love tonight...”

He stirs slightly and slowly turns his face to you, his cheeks red and wet, and his eyes puffy, but on his lips you find that wicked smirk you've always loved about him. “What was that?” he asks hoarsely, his eyes boring into yours.

You return the smirk and raise a hand to gently wipe at his cheek. “I want you to put your cock into my pussy...” you whisper, blushing deeply.

He laughs softly and leans up to claim your lips for a heated kiss. You gasp against him, and when you do, he draws away and watches you closely. “Are you sure? Do you really feel up for it? I don't want to hurt you...”

You sigh and grab the back of his neck. “You won't. But I can't do much, you'll have to do all the work...” you tell him, chewing on your lips.

His smirk grows wider. “Not a problem!” he says with a chuckle. “No problem at all! Let me handle it, darling,” he adds excitedly and kisses you again, his hands back down at the hem of your nightgown to slowly push it up your body until he gently pulls it over your head, leaving you completely exposed to him.

He follows suit quickly, and you can only blink a few times, and he's suddenly naked next to you, his warm skin pressing against yours. His eyes roam your body for a long moment before he moves his hands carefully over your skin, starting from your hips upwards until he's back to fondling your breasts.

You let out a soft whimper and lick your lips as you watch him, shifting beside him until he pushes you gently into the mattress to stop you from moving. “Just relax,” he tells you quietly, smiling up at you as he lowers his head towards your tender chest. You inhale deeply and move right against his eager mouth as he closes his lips around your left breast, gently flicking his tongue against the hard bud.

Biting your lip, you throw a cautious glance towards your sleeping babies, but they are still breathing softly, tucked in and unaware of their parents' marital activities. When you look back at Sebastian, his eyes meet yours, and your cheeks warm up under the intensity of his gaze as he suckles softly on your sensitive mound.

The sight sends shivers down your spine, and you feel the heat pooling between your legs, the warmth even reaching the dully thrumming ache that binds you to the bed. Your hand moves down to stroke his hair as he moves his own to your right breast to give it the same attention he gives the other one as his long fingers knead your soft flesh carefully before he becomes a little bit more daring and pinches your nipple at the same time as he grazes his teeth over the one in his mouth.

You gasp and squirm slightly, your lips parting to let a soft moan escape you. His eyes remain on you as if he still worries about hurting you, but you only grip his hair tighter and push his head downwards, away from your breasts to a place you really need him. He complies a little reluctantly, licking and kissing your plump mounds and hard nipples as if saying goodbye to them before he moves his lips down between them until he presses his mouth to your stomach softly.

There he rests his head for a moment, his rough cheek on your abdomen as he listens into you like he has done every time you were pregnant with his children. Your fingers dig through his locks, gently caressing his scalp, and you feel him purring against you. His hot breath grazes your skin as he exhales loudly.

He leans up then, his eyes on you. “Do you really want this?” he asks quietly, worry etched into his face.

You nod, your fingers moving down to trail the line of his jaw, scraping over his beard, until you push your index finger against his bottom lip. “I want you,” you say softly and watch with reddening cheeks how he leans in and pulls your finger between his teeth, his tongue circling it eagerly as he sucks on it with his eyes sparkling.

When he releases it with a wet pop, he grabs your hand and plants more kisses on it until he presses his lips to the ring on your finger. “Anything for you, Mrs Sallow,” he tells you hoarsely and gives you an almost coy smile as he lets go of your hand and places it carefully on your stomach.

He then moves down and settles right between your legs, firmly pushing them apart with his elbows. His hot kisses on your hipbones make you whimper softly as you shift against him until his big hands rest on your thighs to hold you down gently. He moves his lips over your mound and straight to the throbbing bundle of nerves, his eyes wandering back up to you as he starts to suck on your clit.

You twitch against him, wincing slightly as the motion causes something to stir within you. He pauses slightly, holding your gaze, but you just smile at him bravely, hoping to encourage him to keep going. He does, eventually, his tongue flicking against your sensitive nub as he breathes loudly into the soft hint of hair above it. His hands rub over your thighs, his thumbs teasing at the insides as he keeps lapping at your sensitive skin, humming softly against it which in turn coaxes those sweet sounds out of your throat.

You close your eyes and lean your head into the pillow, trying to relax under his ministrations, when in reality you feel the tension building up in your stomach as your walls start clenching and unclenching needily. He seems to sense the contractions of your body and moves one of his hands along the inside of your thigh until you can feel his fingertips brushing against your folds, gently stroking your outer labia as he keeps sucking on your clit, his stubble adding to the friction that you so desperately try to chase.

A deep moan escapes you as he pulls the throbbing nub between his teeth at the same time as he sinks his finger into your slit, rubbing up and down through your slick before he pushes carefully against your entrance. When your eyes flutter open, his heated gaze is on you as he stills his movements against your clit and presses his finger slowly into your eager pussy, so much more gentle than he usually does it. He moves it around in teasing circles, literally testing the waters as he stretches your entrance slightly.

You take deep breaths, licking your lips, your chest rising and falling faster. You see and feel him swallowing against you before he pushes his digit deeper, slowly, ever so slowly, opening your tight channel. He halts the motion when he is knuckle deep in you, his fingertip pressing gently against your walls before he curls his finger slightly, the tiny movement causing you to gasp and twitch against him.

He brings his attention back to your throbbing nub as he keeps licking it with rough strokes of his tongue while he moves his finger within you, slowly in and out, over and over again, and it's the steady rhythm that drives you insane with need. You feel your walls tightening around him, yet before the tension eases, he slips his finger out, but only to push two of them into you now. You groan softly at the stretch and thrash your head back slightly as he starts pushing them in and out faster until he moves against you relentlessly.

Watching you from under his lashes, he leans back and replaces his mouth with his free hand, rubbing fast and tight circles around your clit while he fingers you with reckless abandon. You moan and whimper, the tension growing almost unbearable before it suddenly explodes into a bright flash of light, making stars dance behind your eyelids as you squeeze your eyes shut under the sensation, the low thrumming in your womb surprisingly only adding to the feeling of pure bliss as you succumb to his eager touches.

You come around his fingers, your hips jerking upwards as your body convulses, your lips parting to let a soft cry fall from them. While you still feel the tremors of your orgasm, you barely feel him pulling away from you until you feel and taste your own slick on his lips as he pushes his mouth against yours.

Grabbing his hair with a shaking hand, you kiss him back hungrily, your moans swallowed by his tongue as he presses it against your own. He rests on his arms, careful not to put any weight on your body as he hovers above you, his knees caging you in while his hard erection lies eagerly twitching on your stomach.

You meet his gaze during the soft wrestle of your tongues, and after a long moment, he leans away, giving you another peck, before he nods wordlessly and sits back on his knees to gently pull your legs out from beneath him and rests them on his thighs. You go a step further and carefully wrap them around his waist as you watch him breathlessly.

Yet before he brings his cock even in the vicinity of your pussy, he freezes, and you see a dark shadow crossing his features as he looks away for a moment. Only a few seconds later, he raises his hand and moves his fingers, guiding his magic through the air to open the top drawer of your night-stand before a small vial floats out of it and right into his big palm. He turns it between his long fingers and frowns.

“Will this still work?” he then asks hoarsely, looking at you with deep lines on his forehead as he shows you the contraceptive potion. “It's quite old, isn't it?”

You throw him a warm smile before you take a shuddering breath, still too worked up to breathe properly. “It'll be fine. I once drank a Wiggenweld potion I found in an old cave and it was fine. Come on, let me take it,” you whisper and hold out your hand.

He watches you with a raised eyebrow but then hands you the small vial, watching you cautiously as you uncork it and down it in one go, the warmth of the liquid settling in your stomach immediately as it magical properties spread through your body. Closing your eyes to breathe against the slightly bitter taste, you give him back the empty flask which he discards quickly.

You see him opening his mouth but before he can voice his concern once more, you smile at him. “I'm fine. Please, can we continue? I really need your cock right now...”

He inhales sharply before the slight shadow of a smirk graces his lips. Without another word, he puts one hand around his length and one hand between your legs, rubbing your clit once more for good measure to make your thighs twitch against him before he swipes his tip through your wet folds and then slowly pushes against your entrance.

You brace for his intrusion but as soon as he sinks his tip into you, you moan softly and lean your head back, your hands falling to your sides while you grip the bedsheets as tightly as your pussy grips him. He moves his hips further until he bottoms out inside you, his entire length buried deep within, prodding at your cervix. As he lets you adjust to his size, you feel blissfully full, smiling softly as you remember the countless times he's filled you out like this before.

He leans back down on his arms and slowly raises his hips, pushing your legs up slightly as he watches you closely. Your hands move to his wrists as you hold onto him, your eyes wandering over his face, trying to convey just how fine you feel. The look in his eyes is one of concern and concentration, and you can only imagine how hard he is fighting his natural instincts to fuck you senseless right now.

You cross your feet behind his back and gently grind your hips against him, giving him the go to start moving. He doesn't hesitate long, but the motions of his hips are deliberate, slow, careful, as he pulls out slightly to push back in, back and forth, in and out, his pace contrasting his heavy breaths. He is too considerate for his own good, and even though you admire him for his strength to hold back on your account, you want nothing more than to have him pound into you at the same pace as he has done countless times before.

You inhale deeply and close your eyes, remembering how he used to fuck you, with his hands gripping your hips or with his body flush on top of yours, pinning you to the bed as he ruts his hips against you, be it with his eyes on you or from behind with his hot breaths in your ear. You moan softly as the memories alone make your walls clench around him.

He seems to understand your need now and starts moving faster, his breaths strained as he grips the bedsheets next to your hips, still too anxious to touch you properly. Your hands move up his arms, and as you feel his tense muscles, you rub them softly. While he pushes his pelvis harder against you, slipping his cock in and out faster with your walls assisting him in pulling him deeper with each thrust, your eyes flutter open and you meet his heated gaze.

“I love you,” you mouth between soft whimpers, and he holds your gaze with dark eyes before he suddenly halts his motions and leans closer to you, his lips hovering over yours, and it's you who claims his mouth for a much needed kiss as you grab the back of his neck with both hands, pulling him towards you before he almost looses his balance and threatens to fall on top of you.

Yet it is exactly what you want, and you keep pulling him despite his obvious resistance. He looks at you, slightly out of breath, as if asking for permission, but you only wrap your arms and legs tighter around him until his heavy body is lying on yours, pushing you gently into the bed while his warmth seeps through your skin, calming the initial turmoil within you.

He captures your lips for another kiss as he starts moving his hips against you once more, the new angle giving him the opportunity to really rut into you, and each thrust sends shivers down your spine and rocks your body beneath him. You moan into his mouth while he cradles your head between his arms as he leans on his elbows, taking some of his weight off you.

Your hands hold onto his broad back, your fingernails sinking into his skin before you scratch them over it as he pushes hard and fast into you, every time hitting that sweet spot deep within, and you cry out against him, your noises muffled by his tongue pressing into your mouth. The tension builds as rapidly as he moves his cock inside your tight channel, and while he still pounds into you with almost desperate abandon, you come around him with a force that makes your entire body shudder and twitch beneath him.

The deep rooted ache in your stomach is silenced by the orgasm crashing through you, and for the first time in a long while you feel like yourself again, weightless and elated, happy in his embrace, happy with your body as it convulses as you want it to convulse: in sheer bliss and not uncontrollable bouts of pain. You melt into the sensation and are barely able to kiss him as his movements become even more erratic.

You groan against him, his heavy breaths mingling with yours, causing you to feel light-headed and dizzy, but in the best way possible, as you feel him thrusting into you, the tension in his body a telltale sign that he's close to climaxing as well. He is lost in the moment, leaning his forehead against yours, but before he gives you that final thrust, the tiniest of hesitations makes him freeze for a second.

You're quick to grab his face and look deep into his eyes before you whisper breathlessly: “Come inside me. Please. It's going to be alright...”

You see his lips moving, but no sounds come out, and instead he resumes rutting into you, frantically, definitely desperately, before he finally groans loudly and pushes hard into you, his tight balls pressing against your arse as he starts twitching inside you, emptying himself completely as thick ropes of cum shoot into your womb, the feeling as familiar as the sight above you. You caress his cheeks through his release before he collapses on top of you, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Your hands move to his back, and you rub it softly, soothing the red lines you left on his skin, as you hold him in your embrace while he slowly relaxes against you, his cock still throbbing inside you, your walls tight around him as if to embrace him as well, as if to welcome him back, eager to not let him go just yet.

Your heavy breaths ease slowly, and you close your eyes as you nuzzle your nose into his hair, relaxing beneath him. Yet when he suddenly stirs, his hips moving upwards as he gently tries to unwrap your legs from around his waist, you grab his shoulders and, against the ache in your thighs, keep your legs crossed behind his back. “Stay,” you whisper hoarsely. “Please...”

He lifts his head slightly and looks at you, his eyes wandering over your flushed face. You hold his gaze before you pull him towards you to claim his mouth. The kiss is lazy and comforting, coaxing him back into lying down on you, slipping his cock back in all the way as he breathes loudly against you. You hold him and kiss him, savouring his warmth for as long as you can.

“How do you feel?” he asks between kisses, his voice low and as hoarse as yours as it vibrates through your head.

“Better,” you reply, pressing your lips to his cheek. “So much better.” And it's true. With his weight on you, the pain within dulls to a barely there throbbing. “You know, I think all I needed to recover was your seed in me...” you jest quietly and move back to capture his lips.

He scoffs into your mouth, but there's a twinkle in his eyes as he watches you. His tongue keeps circling yours lazily before he moves his lips over your cheek and down your jaw to kiss your throat, his hands caressing your head, with his fingers tangling into your hair. “I love you,” you hear him mutter against your skin as he nibbles softly on your neck. “More than you think... more than I can bear sometimes... I would die without you...”

Your heart swells, with love and concern for him, and you rub his back in a soothing fashion as you fight back tears. A stifled sob makes it past your trembling lips nonetheless, and he leans up at the sound of it, looking at you with furrowed brows, a panicked look in his warm eyes.

You swallow and shake your head at him, pressing your lips together as you blink quickly. He reaches one hand up to cup your cheek and wipe at your wet skin. “Are you hurting?”

“No,” you whisper with your voice shaking. “I'm just... so...” You sob again and close your eyes, more tears spilling past your lashes. “I love you so much, Sebastian. And I'll... never leave you... I promise...” you manage to croak out between crying quietly. He puts both of his hands on your face and brings his lips to yours, gently kissing you as you shiver beneath him.

You kiss him back and slowly calm down again, leaning into his touches as you focus on him and him alone. Your breaths mingle in your mouths as you lean your forehead against his, a blissful dizziness pushing aside your worries.

“And... whatever comes our way... we'll manage... we'll deal with it... together,” you whisper barely audible.

His eyes are dark and swimming in emotions as he watches you, then nods slowly. “Together,” he repeats and takes a shuddering breath. “Always.”

“Always,” you say with him and smile warmly. He leans in to kiss you again while slightly shifting against you. You sigh quietly as you feel him moving within you.

For a moment he just looks at you as if to make sure you're still here before he gives you another peck and leans away then, undoing your connection so fast you can barely protest against the sudden empty feeling inside you. Your legs fall to his sides, twitching as they finally relax.

He rolls off you, but then gently grabs your shoulders and turns you onto your side as well until your rear is pressed against his front. He doesn't hesitate at all when he slips his cock between your thighs as he pulls you closer to his chest. You inhale deeply and snuggle against him, grabbing the arm he snakes around you.

You're both facing the crib now where your twin babies still sleep peacefully, their tiny breaths a comforting sound in your ears. Sebastian leans his head on your shoulder and inhales deeply as he moves his other hand to your stomach, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. A soft moan escapes you as you move against him, your thighs clenching around his hot member comfortably until you feel him harden between them once more.

As you turn your head slightly to watch him out of the corner of your eye, you reach one hand down between your legs and guide him back into your pussy, the familiar feeling of being filled out calming you immediately. He shifts against your rear as he pushes in as far as he can before he just rests there, holding you to his body, his hot breath making strands of your hair fly.

You close your eyes and lean against him. “I missed this...” you murmur softly.

“Me too...” he replies, his voice a low hum in your ear. “Do you think –”

“– we can do this more often now?” you finish his quiet question and smirk. “I sure hope so. No, I know so, because I do feel better, really. You make me complete, Sebastian,” you add and turn your head more to brush your lips against his cheek. He leans in and claims your mouth, smiling against you.

“So it was lack of sex that made you ill?” he muses with a smirk that is both mischievous and concerned, the duality of his emotions making you chuckle.

“It was lack of you,” you whisper against his lips.

“But I was here, I was always here,” he protests quietly, leaning back a little to look at you, slightly hurt.

You reach up a hand and caress his stubbled cheek. “You've been bearing the burden of our life alone for the past months, always worrying about my health and money and our future, and I feel... horrible for putting you through this, for not being able to do anything.” He opens his mouth to object, but you put a finger to his lips. “But I am here too and thanks to your intensive care, I am better, and we'll manage this together now, do you hear me? Let me carry some of your worries as well, please.”

He listens intently, his eyes boring into yours, the lines on his face deepening before they relax again. “We're not selling your hideous socks,” he then says with a smirk that reminds you so much of the boy you fell in love with all those years ago.

You laugh, both relieved at his calm tone and offended by his words. “Then we can go back to tomb robbing, how's that?” you suggest and poke your tongue out at him.

He stares at your mouth, then grins. “I promised you an honest life, so no, we'll not traipse through cobwebbed old caves ever again,” he says firmly, kissing your cheek as he leans away slightly, the hard lines back on his face. “We'll find a way. I'm sure there are still some people who owe you a favour or two.”

You snort at that as you think back to your days of helping everyone you met without the slightest hint of hesitation. “An honest life, huh? Sounds a bit like extortion to me,” you tease, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“It's called justice, darling. And it's only fair. You've done so much for so many people, me included, and you need to think of yourself for once.” His voice is low and a tad too serious for your liking.

“I'm a mother of five and a wife, I've had my time of thinking of myself,” you whisper. “It's us now. But you're right, we shouldn't be afraid to ask for help ourselves.”

“Not exactly what I said, but fine,” he agrees with a soft chuckle and kisses your jaw, shifting his hips against you as he presses his hand to your stomach.

You lick your lips and close your eyes, slowly going back to feeling the present instead of worrying or thinking about the future. His warm body moulds to yours as he starts grinding against your arse while your walls clench lazily around his cock.

“So, are you up for another round or do we just lie like this for a bit?” he whispers into your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

“Why do I have the feeling that you want to make up for all those months we weren't able to do this in just one evening?” You chuckle softly as you turn your head to him, meeting his gaze, his eyes sparkling wickedly.

“You said you feel better. I'm trusting you that you're not lying to me. Are you lying to me?” he asks with his eyebrows raised.

“I'm not lying to you,” you whisper back, putting your hand on his as he rubs your stomach. “I do feel better and if you're fine with me just lying here, then please, go ahead and use me as you see fit.”

He groans into your ear. “Ugh, the temptation...” he hisses through his teeth. “Don't say that, I might not be able to hold back.”

“Then don't,” you challenge with a smirk.

He stares at you, breathing loudly through his nose before he closes his eyes and nods quietly. “If you insist,” he murmurs and moves his hand to your hip, digging his fingers into your skin, and you moan softly under the familiar sensation.

His other arm snakes around your neck and holds you gently pressed to his chest as he starts pushing his hips against your arse, slowly at first, then quickly losing all kind of control until he pounds into you with all he has. You melt into his embrace and moan louder, the tension within coiling up as your walls tighten around him.

Your eyes roll back as you cry out in nothing but bliss while your orgasm rips through you like a tidal wave, causing your body to shudder against his. His grunts are loud in your ear as he keeps thrusting into you, in and out, faster and harder, unrelenting until another wave of pleasure crashes over you.

While you float in the wonderful weightlessness of your release, he thrusts into you mercilessly, his movements much rougher than before as he slips back into his old behaviour, and you relish in the feeling of submitting to him fully. Your stomach fills with a warmth that is not just his seed as he finally stills inside you, pumping hot spurts of cum into your womb once more, but a warmth that exceeds the physical nature of his touch.

You feel safe and protected, completely at ease, knowing he is right there, pressed against you, holding you, caring so much about you that you could feed off his love for years and years to come. Centuries even, for all eternity for all you care. It's always been him, and through all the hardships in your lives, you've been together, and you've always come out the other end, holding each other, being together, no matter what.

You reach a hand up and grab the back of his head, your fingers digging into his hair as you pull him towards you for a kiss that hopefully conveys all those emotions swirling within your body. He breathes heavily against you, the hand on your hip easing its grip before it snakes up to cup your face as he kisses you back passionately.

You're lost in his embrace, sinking into his taste and smell and feel, almost completely oblivious to your surroundings. That is until you feel your breasts tensing up, just seconds before you hear a soft little squeak followed by a tiny little sob. Your eyes fly open and so do Sebastian's, before you both look towards the crib next to your bed.

Your twin babies stir, softly cooing. You breathe deeply against him, and without another word, he slips away from you, not caring about the mess you both created as he quickly walks to Beatrice and Bernie and leans over the crib with a soft smile on his hard features. You watch him as you roll onto your back and shift against your pillow, sitting up slightly. He picks up Bernie first, the little boy already sporting some of your features, while your baby girl definitely comes after her father.

He carries your son to your side and places him gently into your arm, lining him up to suckle on your breast. You look up at him shortly, noticing the almost envious look in his dark eyes that makes you smirk slightly before you wince when your baby boy starts nibbling on your hard nipple. Sebastian meets your gaze, before returning to the crib and gently lifting his tiny baby girl into his big hands, cradling her with his cheeks flushed.

When he puts Beatrice down in your other arm and docks her to your other breast, he looks at you lovingly before slipping next to you on the bed and supporting your shoulders as you feed his children. You inhale sharply under the eager sucking of your twins as you cradle them to your chest, trying to relax while you lean against your husband.

“You look so beautiful right now,” he coos into your ear, his breath ghosting your skin. “Look at what you're able to do, look at our babies...”

You do and smile softly, watching the tiny humans in your arms. In the end it was all worth it, all the pain and aches and those weeks and months you were battling against your own body. Seeing your children, healthy and eager to grow into this world, and seeing the soft expression in Sebastian's eyes, makes up for everything. You turn your head and brush your lips against his jaw before he leans in and captures them for a gentle kiss.

When he leans back, he smiles at you disarmingly, making your cheeks burn. He shifts against you as one of his hands moves over the tiny head of his son, while you gently rub your daughter's back as both of them still suckle eagerly on your breasts. For the longest moment you both watch them feed, content in each other's embrace.

Beatrice is the first to be sated, and when she lets go of your breast with a soft popping sound, Sebastian is already there to pick her up and lean her tiny body against his shoulder, as he stands from the bed and paces the room slowly, rubbing his daughter's back until a little burp breaks from her cute little mouth. You watch him, while you cradle Bernie in your arms, and smile softly.

“My good little girl,” he coos as he keeps walking her around the room, holding her gently to his bare chest. The sight warms you from the inside, and you almost don't notice when Bernie stirs against you, squirming slightly.

You lift him up and smile widely at him, meeting his curious big eyes, before you press your lips to his small forehead and inhale deeply, his sweet infant scent filling your nostrils. Next to you Sebastian is putting Beatrice down into the crib again and turns back to you, gently taking your son from your grasp, and repeats the motion he did with his daughter. Bernie's burp comes loud and immediate, and Sebastian's surprised laugh fills the room and your heart.

“That's my boy,” he chuckles and cradles his son in his arms for another moment while you start swaying the crib to calm your little girl, your eyes locked to the tall form of your husband.

You've always known he'd be a good father, and he even exceeded your expectations and became the best father you could have wished for for your children. He was always there, not shying away from doing anything when it came to his offspring, from changing diapers to bathing them or nursing them to sleep even if he was tired and exhausted himself. It was his unyielding love and support that convinced you to add to your family in the first place, knowing that he would always take care of your kids and you.

He notices your loving stare and smiles at you, his cheeks slightly flushed as he walks back to the bed and sits down on the edge, holding Bernie in his arms, as he leans towards you and presses his lips to your forehead. You take the infant from him and put him down gently next to his sister, who immediately stops her slight squirming. The twins cuddle together, and you gasp softly as they touch hands shortly after.

Sebastian wraps his arm around you as you both watch them in silent admiration. Leaning against him, you grab his other hand and hold it tightly before you raise it to your face and kiss his fingers, resting your lips on his ring. He hugs you tighter, breathing deeply. You snuggle against him and place your joined hands on your lap. He slips his fingers between yours and rubs your thigh with them before he turns his head and looks at you.

You look back, filled to the brim with happiness. His hand tightens around your waist as he pulls you closer to him until he lifts you onto his lap. You wrap your free arm around his neck when he suddenly stands from the bed and cradles you in his arms, a soft smile on his face as he carries you towards the small window of your bedroom.

“Look,” he whispers into your ear, and you follow his gaze through the old glass panel into your backyard, where your oldest twins play catch with a surprisingly nimble Edgar Adley.

The man you once assisted back in your teenage years has been a great help to your little family over the last decade and you couldn't be more grateful to him or his young wife for looking after Benjamin, Archie and Anne while you were bound to your bed, only able to look after your newborn twins while Sebastian has been looking after you.

Your gaze wanders on, and you find your sweet little daughter, the spitting image of yourself, sitting in the grass surrounded by her dolls and a stack of old books, while she moves her tiny fingers over a row of little flowers she braided together, completely oblivious to her brothers' playfulness. Yet when another boy approaches the fence, his hand held by a young blonde woman you know as Edgar's wife and the daughter of his late best friend Milo, she looks up curiously.

Sebastian chuckles. “Look at her, she's just like her mother,” he muses and kisses your cheek as he shifts you on his arms. “Completely oblivious to the world until a good-looking boy approaches and captures her attention.”

You scoff. “Remind you of someone, huh?”

“I was better looking,” he says with a smirk.

“And you weren't five when we met!” you laugh. “Though I'm sure you were already breaking hearts at that age.”

“Breaking hearts?” he repeats and looks at you slightly offended. “If anything, I was and am a heart-mender,” he adds and leans in to kiss you softly. “I did just cure you with my seed, didn't I?” he whispers under his breath and you blush deeply as you stare at him with your lips parted.

“Put me down,” you tell him softly after a moment of watching him closely, as you listen to the workings of your body, trying to distinguish your rapidly beating heart from the usual throbbing in your stomach.

He raises his eyebrows, but complies, gently setting you down until your feet touch the old floor boards. You hold onto him as you look up into his concerned face, your legs trembling slightly. His hands are on your waist, holding you just in case your body decides it isn't ready yet. But you feel surprisingly stable. When you put a hand on your abdomen, you inhale deeply, but the ache seems to have quieted down immensely.

“As weird as it may seem, but I think you're right...” you whisper and smile at him softly, but with your face flushed properly. “Though we shouldn't tell anyone about how I got better, okay?”

He laughs, the low rumble vibrating through your body. “We should also make sure you're properly healed,” he whispers and leans down to press his forehead to yours. “I might have to put in more...”

You cough slightly when you choke on your own spit at his proposal, but then reach up a hand and touch his face, your expression as serious as you can make it look while you feel yourself flooded with mischief and anticipation. “Yes, you might have to. Just to be sure.”

Sebastian's face lights up completely before he picks you up once more, wrapping your legs around his waist as he puts his big hands on your bum cheeks. You beam at him, your hands holding onto his shoulders. Slowly he carries you back to the bed, his eyes momentarily wandering towards the crib, but your twins are already sleeping again, fed and happy, their tiny fingers entangled, as their parents crawl back into bed.

When he puts you down on your back, hovering over you, you shake your head and motion him to roll around until you can lie on him. Once you rest on top of him, you smile down at him, cradling his face between your hands. He watches you with a warm smile as his hands come to rest on your hips, gently gripping your soft flesh.

You give him a short but heated kiss before you sit up on your knees, grinding your pelvis against his groin in slow circles while your chest bounces with every undulating motion. He sighs deeply beneath you, licking his lips.

“By Merlin's bloody facial hair, I've missed seeing you like this,” he whispers breathlessly, his hands moving up to grab your plump breasts, groping them with eager fingers.

You throw him a sultry smile as you move your wet folds over his hardening cock and reply with a breathy whisper: “Well, you better get used to it again. I have a lot to make up for.”

End notes: This started out with the idea to gather some prompts to write short smut or fluff or angst oneshots but then I got inspired to finally continue my Dad!Seb fic and here we are. The angst was real in this one, but also the tooth achingly sweet family life fluff.

By the way: Yes, I ship Edgar Adley with his late friend Milo's daughter. Listen! There is a blonde girl in Aranshire, maybe 8 or 10 years old, and I HC that it's Milo's daughter AND I see Edgar taking care of her after Milo's death (he did say he wanted to pay for her Hogwarts supplies one day) and when she grows up, they fall in love and have a baby boy and everything is happy! This story plays at least 13 years after we do that quest for him, so why not, huh? (Also did you know: that man with that sexy accent is voiced by the same guy who voices Victor Rookwood? WTF!)

As I mentioned in the first part (It is that time again) I borrowed the names of three of Sebastian's children (Benjamin, Archie and Anne) from @subastian-swallows, but added my own for Beatrice and Bernie (short for Bernard btw).

Seriously dude, five children! Two pairs of twins? Chill! His poor wife! No wonder she ended up bedridden! By the way: I have no idea about the topic and I didn't want to research too much because in the end it doesn't really matter, maybe it's even a magical malady, who knows. So please don't ask me about details! (I also have no idea if my descriptions of breastfeeding are anywhere near the real thing, so forgive me for my ignorance!)

And yes: she was healed by his magical cum, believe it or not. I don't make the rules, that's how the world works in my head!

[ MASTERLIST ] [ AO3 ]

[austajunk]

One of my favorite things about Ultra Despair Girls is listening to the kid characters talk.

Like Jataro and Kotoko especially just ramble on and on about weird shit because their attention spans are still at this young age. Even Monaca just automatically gets bored with something if it fails to properly catch her attention. Nagisa doesn’t typically display this trait out of all of them because of his childhood and how he was pretty much raised by abusive parents to be an overachieving perfectionist to even get any scrap of worth or acceptance from them.

So many kid characters in anime are boring or there to be all cutesy. I really love that the Warriors of Hope are just… really gross and absent-minded. It’s not that they aren’t clever or anything, but their imaginations are at the age of just being on overdrive and so they go on tangents or lose interest and think of something better, cutting off their current thought processes…

Like Kotoko just has to tell everyone what her favorite food is and also what her least favorite food is and what she thinks about giraffes or eggs… and that’s just funny and cool of her. Hell, I love it even when the kiddy stuff covers up darker things like Masaru’s design of this standard shounen-esque kiddo with the little bandaids and scratches look is really hiding an outwardly and physically abused child.

It’s just really neat is all.

[yawntu]

Not a request (unless you want it to be)! but imagine avatar!reader showing neytiri a little girl on girl action (scissoring) cause Jake's been too busy with the whole clan leader thing to please her 🫣

this had to get its own little moment

a/n: I love her I had to write this when I got it something about her makes me swoon. She has so many layers and she is my queen. I finally formatted it. Not proofread yet oop

pairing(s): Neytiri te Tskaha Mo'at'ite x f!Reader, extremely brief Jake Sully x f!Reader

word count: ~2k

warnings: NSFW / MDNI Caught, Scissoring / Tribbing, Switch x switch couple, Pregnant Neytiri bc she’s a milf it’s more so a plot point then focused on, Praise kink (receiving), Neytiri doesn’t really know what she’s doing but your enthusiasm makes up for it

Neytiri could not bring herself to understand why she was sitting here complaining to you. Her life had finally found some semblance of peace. She knows that she should be thankful for the way her people have risen from ashes; for having such a strong competent mate and a mother who knew what was best for her people. She was thankful still had a family to support her and her beautiful planet that was in the very least safe for now.

She should be at ease but she’s not. She’s frustrated and antsy. Maybe it was because she was pregnant enough to be left behind in things she felt needed her attention- or maybe she did not actually care about all of that and the sun was just too hot. She was no sure what it was but she couldn’t shake all the bitter moments that had accumulated throughout the week and led her to this very moment. Sat lounged out by a stream not so far from the village enjoying lunch with her best friend. Though she loved your daily walks, even your company did not soothe the bubbling anger she ultimately has concluded boiled down to Jake.

“All he does is work!” She snaps at you plopping a round berry in her mouth.

For a second you flinch as if you’re the one she’s scolding for neglect. You’re thankful you’re not at the receiving end of her sour mood as she rants about how annoying her day has been.

“Well, he’s dealing with a lot of guilt I’m sure. Men think too much and get stuck in their own brains.” You shrug as you finish peeling her fruit for her, trying to ease her foul mood while not throwing the friend you greatly admired under the bus.

She thinks it’s sweet how you’re always looking to help her, and how loyal you have been. Almost to a fault.

Jake had given you the order to look out for her and you did the most to make sure you met his expectations- like the good little ex-SEAL you were. She thought it was cute that you were so eager to please. Listened to orders so well.

“I’m dealing with the weight of his tsawl txìm ‘evi,”

Big ass kid. Her joking comment makes you bark out a laugh and throw your head back as you swat at one of her sore legs that lay across your own lap and legs.

“Better hope he doesn’t have his father's big ass head,”

You make her laugh as you point to your skull to annunciate the comment. She likes that she doesn’t have to act properly around you. She didn’t have to be nice. She felt she could act her age. Act like she wasn’t Tsakarem. That you were not an alien who had lived a whole over life before you chose this. That her non-native mate wasn’t tasked with rebuilding the world around her with the help of her mother while Neytiri was forced to focus on being pregnant.

She thought that preparing for motherhood would leave her in isolation and drive her into a solitary pit of despair, lost in her own thoughts- but yet here you were. Like her little shadow. Always there to keep her from feeling so alone. You were a good listener too. You didn’t talk much- would just let her ramble about however she felt so she didn’t have to keep it in and go insane with grief. It’s why she trusted you so much.

“I’ll never have another child again,” She rolls her eyes as she wiggles her sore calf over your lap again,

“Please; continue.”

You smile softly at her, returning to rubbing her swollen calf and thigh that you had previously neglected to peel a particularly rough citrus-like fruit for her.

She can talk about anything to you, and you’ll nod and joke along because ultimately she’s your best friend. The best friend you’ve ever had. You think she’s interesting and you care about the way she feels. That’s probably why she likes you so much right now. Your attentive hands on her anyways.

She tries to occupy herself with the citrus that dances across her tongue but all she can feel is the pad of your thumb massaging her swollen thigh.

“Let me sit up so I can get your other leg and hips.”

Her tail flicks as you move past your leg to sit on your knees. She doesn’t mean to seem so annoyed in her actions. She is not mad at you. She really just hates Jake right now. For how tired he is. How busy he is.

He always makes it up to her but had he not been so busy she wouldn’t have been so enticed by the swift movement of your hands against her sapphire skin.

She can swear you’re teasing her on purpose. The way you prop yourself on your knees and annunciate the pretty dip of your hips. Neytiri can’t help but shift and open her legs a bit more. To give you more room between her. She’d say she was getting comfortable but she isn’t stupid. She knows you know it too. You’re terrible at controlling your body language. It’s almost rude how quickly your tail twisting behind you and the way your ears are pointed right towards her.

Your nose crinkles in concentration as you move her leg to rest on your full hips while your thumb instantly moves to push a firm long stroke up the side of her thigh. The feeling shoots across her nerves and she sighs at the alleviation of pain in her hips. It almost makes her forget how much you had turned her on.

“You are so blessed,” She’s shocked at how quickly your palms pressed running across her sore muscles has begun to ease her tight hips and her sour mood, “You’re doing so well,”

She’s thankful you’re so easily appeased. Tail swishing behind you as you rub where her leg met her hip. She’d encourage you the rest of the day if it meant you didn’t stop.

“I have one order, gotta keep you from killin’ Jake during the day,” a giggle falls from your lips.

You lose good girl points at the mention of Jakes name and for the fact that you tease her for her temper. It is Jakes fault she was so irritated today. You knew that. It was obvious how needy she was for intimacy. Jake was as perfect as he could be to her- he was just so busy. You know she didn’t have the heart to complain to her mate that she was horny and lonely when he was carrying such a burden. You could chalk her well-hidden desperation up to her being pregnant but your face flushes at the thought that maybe she just liked you a little bit. You can’t stop your silly smile at the fact that her hips relax even more when you switch over to her opposite leg. One leg lay lazily on the ground while your knead your hands against her flesh.

“Am I helping the pain a little?”

And though you’re asking her a question you’re not looking up at her from your position between her legs. Too busy watching your hands paw at her swollen hips and thighs.

You’re sweet to her. It’s why she controls the motion of her tail snapping up off the ground to smack right up against what she hopes is just as needy and wet as she is.

You yelp and it makes her laugh and though you’ve been half purposely touching her in the hope she’d recuperate your touches you’re almost shocked at the outcome.

“Why are you wet, huh?”

She hopes her words work you up but the fact that your eyes shoot to hers for only a second before looking down to her core ignites her own needy breath.

“I- uh… I dunno I haven’t had sex since I’ve been on earth… like seven years ago.” It sounded like a long time- five years and some months of those if those years were actually getting to Pandora- and it felt like a nap to you. You still miss it obviously- a little too much as she reaches her fingers to caress your wrist and it has you humming.

She laughs at you of course. Making fun of you even though she knew only the rudimental outside of Jake.

“You’re also very pretty,” your quick addition accompanies a charming smile.

She can tell you admire Jake so much at this moment. You match his same entranced pretty smile. Wide eyes looking all too eagerly up at her.

“You’re very pretty too,”

Your thumb runs under the lining of her tweng as she compliments you back and you practically purr at the soft and wet feeling her lips greet you with.

“Does it hurt here too?” You ask her, and though it’s half in jest she nods.

“Terribly. You’ll have to help me.”

You’re a bit nervous when she reaches her hand down to untie her bottoms. it’s not until her other hand touches your hip that you snap out of your own thoughts.

“I’m afraid I’m a bit clueless though,”

There’s that pretty charming quip in her voice that reminds you she is a princess and it makes your legs clench but ultimately calms you down over the fact that she cannot really judge your performance without comparison.

“I can show you,” you didn’t know why she made you nervous; “It’ll feel good for both of us,”

She just grins and pulls at one of the strings of your bottoms that you’re cursing for being as intricately worn as they are.

She can’t help but dance her hands down your exposed skin and admire how excited you seemed to be at the prospect of relief.

She’s not even all that pregnant yet and you’re still so gentle as to carefully position your leg to avoid her.

You sit against her a little too quickly, plopping down flush against her own swollen slit out of pure excitement before jolting back up slightly. Just allowing your swollen clits to touch.

It’s not that Neytiri didn’t figure this is how women who mated with other women slept together- but no one ever talked about it. She had heard whispers of women preoccupying themselves during heats, but she was clueless as to how it actually happened or how it could possibly feel satisfying.

Then, however, you started rocking your hips forward a little. She finally got the appeal of the feather light weight you started with. How enthusiastically and quickly you rub yourself against her is hypnotizing. She feels bad for being so into the way your dragging across the wetness between your bodies considering she has Jake but she can’t ignore how nice this is. She wonders which one of you is responsible for the mess- she can believe it’s her- it wouldn’t shock her in the least- but she hopes it’s you. Even though your eyes have already started to close as you nestled your face into her leg you used to balance yourself and your hip's movements stutter and messily ruin the steady build towards both of your orgasms every time you feel too close to cumming.

The feeling of you gliding your warm cunt against her swollen clit has her sighing in lenience. If your careful hands rubbing at her hips and thighs didn’t alleviate the pain she felt before then the way you forced her to focus on the desire to cum has cured it.

“Mmm. You’re doing so good for me- ya you’re right- fe’els good.“ she choked on her own pant as she tries to sit up slightly so she can touch your tail, “Go faster please,”

One hand plays with your nipple as the other uses her outstretched legs as an anchor to grind yourself down onto her at the speeds she requests.

The fact that you turn to look at her but instead get distracted by the oscillation of her full breasts has her hips rolling up to meet you.

“Oh-ohhhh,” and she feels your fall forward at her intrusion as to brace yourself onto your hands. She’s so thankful you were so flexible. So easy for you to loosen your hips open a little more and fuck yourself down onto her.

She felt so good. So much better than what you thought dragging your clit against hers would feel like. You get why Jake folded and betrayed everyone so easily. Her nails running across your thigh or back haphazardly in conjunction with the way you feel your clit slot up against hers makes you shutter.

You really hope you aren’t setting a bad example. You hope she’s feeling just as good as you are, it’s hard for you to turn your head to face her so you focus your energy on making sure your grind down accurately.

You try not to be sloppy- you do the best you can even though she whines and makes you want cum before she could.

You thank Eywa when you feel her nails dig into your hips and the gush of her pussy against yours.

Your, “Oh fuck- fucking hell,” is less ceremonious then her moans but you can’t help it when the added slickness of her orgasm makes it all too easy to trib yourself down against her and chase your own high.

You thank divine timing for finishing just in time for your heart to drop into your stomach at the sound of someone crossing the tree line,

“Huh, woulda’ get a load of this,”

It is a gruff masculine voice that you now vividly recall giving you the order to watch out for his wife- not scissor yourself between her thighs and fuck her.

[plantwriting]

Thinking about Kian (no this doesn’t surprise anyone but wait i’m not done) and how much he must have internalized that he could never be protected or saved by anyone else.

Thinking about Kian as a little kid, with drug addicted cultists for parents, who could never give their child the love and care he needed. Thinking about Kian going hungry more often than not, never having clothes that fit, clearly not being properly taken care of by his parents. Thinking about all the other adults in his life seeing this, and choosing to ignore it.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that it’s just how things are supposed to be.

Thinking about Kian as a slightly older kid. Thinking about him seeing that his experiences aren’t normal for the first time, when he visits Rand and his home is always warm and welcoming, his parents are never high on anything, the house doesn’t smell of rotting food badly covered up by insence. Thinking about him seeing the way Donna would fuss over her kids and John would get confused when he called Rand ‘Rand’ because a family is supposed to share a last name. Thinking about him finally connecting the dots that his experiences aren’t normal.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that he can’t ever have the same kind of love and care as everyone else.

Thinking about Rachel going missing. Thinking about Rolan seeing bodies in the water that aren’t there. Thinking about both of his best friends falling into despair, and Kian being left to pick up the pieces. Thinking about him so desperately trying to help them feel better, bandaging their wounds, offering them support, never asking for the same in return. Thinking about nobody even noticing as Kian starts doing worse, and worse, and worse because there’s other things, other people, to focus on.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that he’s not worth it, that nobody will ever want to carry his burdens for him.

Thinking about Rolan leaving, with barely any warning, barely even a goodbye. Thinking about Rand and him fighting, Kian in the middle of it, the accusations of abandonment and betrayal. Thinking about Rand being so upset about Rolan leaving, fighting so hard to keep him, only to fail. Thinking about Kian trying to help Rand get over it for months, before leaving as well. Thinking about none of the anger being there this time, Rand letting him go without a fight, just telling him to come visit sometime.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that Rand never really cared about him as much as he cared about Rolan.

Thinking about Kian in Hollywood. Struggling to make the ends meet while failing to become a rockstar, in a city where he knows nobody and can’t get help from anyone. Thinking about Kian ending up homeless, nobody caring to help him, nobody looking at him for long. Thinking about the “demons” in Hollywood, the people who would hurt him, not even bothering to do so behind closed doors because nobody was going to stop them anyways. Thinking about him having a stalker, the police are no help, they never are, they don’t care about people like him. Thinking about Kian in Hollywood, hurt and abandoned and followed home from a club and abused and getting attacked in a dark alleyway by someone with a grin he could never forget. Thinking about those around averting their gazes, acting like they don’t even notice him.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that nobody’s ever going to keep him safe or protect him from danger.

Thinking about him high and drunk out of his mind, unable to stand straight or even speak, still going for another hit. Thinking about him going well over the speed limit while driving, because what does it even matter? Thinking about him, with a weapon in hand, wondering how long it would take for anyone to even come and find his body.

Thinking about Kian internalizing that nobody’s ever going to keep him safe or protect him from himself.

Thinking about him going back to Galloway. Slowing down his car only when his friends are in it with him, chasing after Rolan and trying to help him, seeing that same horribly familiar way that officer Dudes smiled at him. Thinking about him on two hp after the crash, patching himself up, ignoring the eyes on the back of his neck, making sure Rolan got taken care of before him.

Thinking about Kian knowing that nobody is going to take care of him.

Thinking about him going to see Becky. Thinking about him hoping that maybe Rand would come with him to keep him safe. Thinking about him telling himself that it didn’t matter if he left Dickman behind, because he was never going to protect Kian anyways. Thinking about him kissing her, feeling the stinger go down his throat, hoping and begging and stalling so that maybe, maybe, maybe someone would come save him. Thinking about him dying a horrible and painful death, alone.

Thinking about Kian knowing that nobody is going to protect him.

Thinking about Rolan finding “him”. Thinking about Rolan running away as soon as it wasn’t him anymore, thinking about Kian losing himself. Thinking about him trying to tell his friends to save him, hoping and begging that they would, that they’d care enough to do that. Thinking about Rolan slicing his body in half to protect Rand, killing him for a second time.

Thinking about Kian knowing that Rolan will never care about him as much as he cares about Rand.

Thinking about them bringing him back, Rand hugging him, him telling them the truth. Thinking about him trying to help, trying to find any kind of useful info, but failing. Thinking about Becky trying to kill him again, him only surviving with luck, nobody being there to help him. Thinking about him witnessing the queen, knowing he can’t stop what’s about to come, knowing nobody else is going to try and stop it either.

Thinking about Kian knowing that this is just how things were supposed to end.

[ummmlife]

Poor, sad, miserable teen!Nanami

Warnings!: post Haibara's death Nanami ; teen nanami ; angst (?) ; fluff (?) ; nanami×reader ; she / her pronouns reader ; reader is Nanami's (check on the translator) senior (aka Gojo's age) ; headcanon, drabble, idk, i wrote. if something doesn't makes sense, my sincerest apologies for not knowing how to speak english properly 🫠

We already know that teenage Nanami was a very pessimistic and unsociable person. While our adult Nanami is an exemplary person who knows social norms well and follows them perfectly, teenage Nanami was not like that. He was trained to be an adult from the young age of 15 (I assume because of Itadori's age).

But what events happened to turn Kento Nanami from an inexperienced (emo) teenager to an exemplary adult?

Tragedies, that's what happened.

In our modern society we know and understand that child labor is something inconceivable and even illegal in many countries, I mean, it is written in human rights. So we could assume that Jujutsu society operates the same way... Hahaha no. Good grief, if that were so there would be no such thing as manga/anime (Akutami you're cruel).

Why would we believe that in a society commanded by conservative and traditionalist elders, who (and this is my thought) surely rejoiced when Japan was a colonizing empire during WWII, would protect children? In this cruel world you learn to survive, and burdened with the curse of being a Jujutsu Sorcerer you have no escape.

So Nanami, against his will and coming from a family of non sorcerers, is forced to settle in this rotten society.

If being a sorcerer is a very low possibility, probably much lower than winning the lottery, it would not be difficult to expect that in a single class there would be one or at most three Jujutsu students. This was the case with Nanami and Haibara. Two kids with completely different personalities and motivations who, by the vagaries of the universe, ended up in the same situation together (and with the same fate awaiting them. Crying).

Nanami, yes, was a pessimistic, introverted, grumpy teenager, but at least he had Haibara with him who, even if he never said it out loud, gave him hope that maybe and just maybe being a sorcerer wasn't so bad.

Hell only knows the pain and despair the death of his only friend caused Nanami.

To be born into a faded world only to meet a rainbow and then have it snuffed out by a typhoon, yeah, it wasn't easy. Nanami could even understand why Suguru Geto, who by the way Haibara was a fan of, decided to become a Curse User. For Nanami himself the temptation was so much, so palpable and easy to choose. But he knew that: 1. Haibara wouldn't have liked it, 2. Following Geto's path would have mentally exhausted him more and 3. He couldn't afford to hurt more fellow Jujutsu Sorcerers.

That is why Nanami was only looking forward to his graduation day, but silently. He wished to simply disappear, not only from the Sorcerer profession but also from this world.

Nanami was lost, mired in depression and no one seemed to care. If everyone was so busy minding their own business then he had to mind his own life as well. Go on missions alone, study alone, fight alone, eat alone, live and wait to die alone.

— "Are you sleeping well? I notice you're more exhausted than before."

Maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought, maybe he mattered to someone: his senior.

Another sorceress a year above him, a classmate of Gojo and Ieiri. A sweet and caring girl for whom, at some point when Haibara was still alive, Nanami felt loving feelings for her begin to surface.

— "Yeah... I'm fine."

Lying is bad but worrying others is worse.

Nanami was eating lunch, alone as usual, a sandwich he made himself. Sitting on the stairs outside the school listening to the cicadas and the sound of the leaves on the trees moving in the soft autumn wind. His senior sat beside him, in complete silence, knowing full well that Nanami is not a big fan of social interactions.

— "I hear you've perfected your innate Cursed Technique..."

Still, she tries to dialogue with him. At least a little bit.

— "Yeah…"

Nanami might feel uncomfortable, but the closeness of his senior makes him feel calm, it makes him feel peace.

In a world where children are forced to live and think like adults in life and death situations, the company of someone who is at least a little more mature is comforting.

— "I miss him too, you know? Haibara."

It hurts, it hurts so much. Nanami stops eating as he feels his stomach twist with the memories of that fateful day when Haibara was killed because of a mistake by the adults, they sent them to their death and it was all because of a mistake. Nanami closes his eyes and breathes in an attempt to calm his anxiety.

This has happened before, indeed, it happens every night. Nanami hasn't been able to sleep well since the Haibara incident, having no one to comfort or hold him when he cries his soul out before trying to sleep.

That's why the moment he felt his senior's delicate hands bringing his head to her shoulder to comfort him it completely threw him off. It felt good, warm for the first time.

— "If you keep holding back you're going to end up hurting yourself even more."

That sentence alone was enough to make Nanami completely break down in tears. It was the first time in years feeling comfort from someone in such an intimate and satisfying way.

Nanami cried, hugged and clung to his senior as he had never done with anyone before, only maybe with his mother when he was a child. He couldn't contain himself when he felt her lips gently pressing against his crown of his head, it was like a dream.

— "Can I ask you not to leave?"

It was so embarrassing but so necessary for him to ask that. Her senior's soft and sweet smile was like a gift to his aching heart.

— "I don't plan to go anywhere."

*sobs* Emo Nanami, so cute ‹𝟹 must protect!!!!!

[midnight-pluto]

I have an idea feel free to write it or not (childe x fem reader)

Playing truth or dare and someone dared y/n to kiss Childe (they did that bc they knew he was in love with her) she got a little angry and shy about it but she approached him pulling him by his collar to kiss him and everyone in the room start to scream and laugh and Ayato is recording what happened for later use

A DARE.mp4 — childe

TROPES: fluff, crack

PAIRING(S): childe x fem!reader

UNIVERSE: modern

WARNING: someone gets called an orphan at the end, swearing

A/N: I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted! I did my best to write it in a sense where I could include all your details but if you do plan on requesting some more please be more specific so I can do your request justice

THE AUDIO IS quite distorted at first but then clears out to the point where you can hear distinct voices yelling at one another as well as faint sounds of laughter in the background.

As Ayato shuffles with his phone, he quickly sets his phone up, leaning on the wall in order to properly catch what was occurring. After seeing it balance on the wall he turns back to the problem at hand.

“I REFUSE to kiss this ginger! I have standards!” Y/N declares.

From the camera’s recording, on the left was Ayato’s back and on the right was Yoimiya holding back laughter at her friends despair which so happened to be displayed to the camera between the gap of the two.

“C’mon Y/N~ it’s a dare! Besides Childe won’t mind, right Childe?” Ayato teased, looking towards the man next to the girl having a crisis on whether or not to listen to the dare.

“I’m not confirming nor denying that information,” he chuckled.

“What do you MEAN you’re not going to confirm nor deny that information?!” Y/N exclaimed, grabbing Childe by his collar to look at her in the eyes and shaking him back and forth.

“He means he wouldn’t mind making out with you,” Yoimiya whisper yelled through her hands in the direction of the two with a giggle.

Y/N then turns to the blond in shock, “Hold on! Making out and kissing are two different things! I’m not making out with this,” she turns to Childe and pauses, “Twink.”

“Twink?! Excuse you?!” he yelled horrified, face turning pink not only because of the close proximity between his crush and him, but because of the whirlwind of emotions he felt when being called a twink - causing Yoimiya to fall over with laughter while taking photos of the current scene revealing a stunned Ayaka and Thoma next to Y/N.

“You’re excused bitch!” Y/N turned back to face Childe, creating and intense stare-off between the two.

“Y’know, I don’t think Y/N doesn’t need to kiss Childe if she doesn’t want to; we can all just get a free pass,” Ayaka begins, immediately getting cut off by a loud string of gasps and yells as she looks towards her right she covers her mouth in shock trying to prevent any noise from escaping.

The kiss was gentle yet exhilarating - with watchful eyes around them, their loud cheering just became faint background noise in the distance.

Y/N’s eyes with squeezed shut, but soon relaxed as she slipped her hand into his.

Childe’s breath was swept away and gone in an instant. He had been so sure she would’ve followed through with Ayaka’s words but as it turned out she planned to go against her words the moment she spoke them. Well, not like he was complaining any ways.

Ayato hurriedly snatches his phone back up into his hands and points the camera towards the now kissing friends.

Moving 180°, Ayato pans the already landscape view so the whole room and all the participants is now in the frame - him included - pointing to the two opposite of him saying, “That was me. I’m the one who gave her that dare. You’re welcome.”

Immediately pulling away from Childe, Y/N turns her attention towards the blue haired man and yells, “Are you fucking filming us right now?! Give that shit to me right now you little fucking orphan-“

A/N: I’m including this into my 200 follower event since idk if n e one will request but if anyone else would like to, feel free! also I swear I write things much longer than this I jus didn’t know where else to go with this I’m sorry 😭

[fabuloustrash05]

TMNT 2012: Medieval AU

This is an AU I had in mind long ago, but never did anything with it. I had a lot of ideas and concepts for this AU, but I never had the time to write a fanfic for it (busy writing other fanfics plus personal stuff going on).

However, I did write these plot/character introduction summaries of the Turtles and Karai, so I thought it would be fun to share them with you! Enjoy! <3

Plot Summary:

The Hamato Kingdom was a peaceful land full of joy and laughter. The land was ruled by King Splinter. Not only was he a wise, brave, kind and was loved by all his subjects, but he was also a loving father of his five children, a daughter and four sons, Princess Miwa, Prince Leonardo, Prince Raphael, Prince Donatello, and Prince Michelangelo. The Kingdom was happy, until one fateful day. The King mysteriously fell ill and too soon he met his untimely death. The kingdom was devastated and the king's children were in despair. Now that the king is gone, Miwa must take the throne and become the Queen her father has prepared her for her whole life, but is she truly ready for the task at hand?

Character Introduction Summary:

King Splinter's oldest child and only daughter, Princess Miwa, is known for being one of the most beautiful and most intelligent maidens in the kingdom. Though she is a lady, she is very knowledgeable when it comes to the battlefield and is skilled with a sword, though her father worries for her safety with her dangerous interests. Her whole life her father has molded her to become the perfect future queen of the kingdom. Everyday preparing her for when she must take the throne, though she does not look forward to her fate as queen. Rather she wants to see what's beyond her kingdom and be free from her royal status. She has a fascination with the dark arts of magic, wanting to learn about it, but she fears to tell her family of this secret desire and true interests. Instead she stays inside the castle walls preparing for her time on the throne to arrive, giving her family a false personality and persona and hiding her true self.

Prince Leonardo is the oldest son, but the second oldest child, of King Splinter. The Prince is as kind and wise as his father, many say he reflects his father at a younger age. The prince loves his kingdom and family dearly. He looks up to his father and idolizes him. He’s responsible, wise, and knowledgeable of the royal court, but his insecurities often take over him for he believes he’s not good enough to be given the title of King and believes his sister will make an excellent ruler instead of him. Leo instead spends his days reading, practicing his sword fighting, or riding his horse around the kingdom’s land. He’s known as a handsome young man who many of the maidens in the kingdom admire. Prince Leo is also unaware of a certain arrangement his father has made with another king from the neighboring Kingdom of Salamandria that involves him and their princess. He loves his family and his kingdom and is willing to do anything to keep them happy and safe.

Prince Raphael, the third oldest, is the most rebellious of the King’s sons. A confident and charming young man who loves to hunt and has a fiery passion to fight for and defend his kingdom alongside the royal guards. However because of his royal status he is obligated to stay in the kingdom, just like his brothers, and work on his royal duties. Though he can’t go to war Raphael still trains with his friend, one of the royal guards, Sir Casey, or chats with the royal blacksmith, Slash, there he learns more about weaponry and how to properly use a blade. Sometimes he envies his older brother Leonardo for the attention and praise he gets from the citizens, often feeling stuck in his shadow. While he’s talented with a sword, Raphael is also blessed with the skills of an artist and a poet. Next to hunting, painting is one of his favorite hobbies. Though he may not seem like it at first glance, Prince Raphael is a kind soul with the heart of an artist, who just wishes to live the life he desires, but his biggest struggle and personal sin is his blooming attraction for his older brother’s betrothal.

Prince Donatello is well known as the most intelligent young man in the kingdom, almost always seen having a book in his hand. Though he is smart he tends to not acknowledge the world around him since he practically grew up in the royal library spending most of his days reading and learning from his private tutors. Practically isolated in the library for years. Some rumor that the young prince was born in the library, hence why he almost never leaves. Being fourth in line to the throne, Donatello doesn’t care if he’ll ever become king or not. The young prince just wishes to travel the land beyond his kingdom and explore the world to learn new things. His intelligence can often make him stubborn and will often refuse to admit wrong. Though his stubbornness was one day called out by his sister’s lady in waiting, April, who told him to be more open to the world and get out of his comfort zone. After that day, Donatello has had an admiration towards April and the mysteries of the outside world.

The youngest child is Prince Michelangelo. The kindest of the four brothers, Michelangelo is rumored to have a heart so pure it's made of gold. He cares for the poor and often donates his riches to charities. His kindness however, can often be taken advantage of. It makes him naive and unsure of the dangers out there in the real world, quite often getting himself into trouble. Because of that, the young prince is required to have a personal guard, Sir Leatherhead, who must keep watch of him everyday. Even with that however, Michelangelo loves to spend time with the servants of the castle for he considers them his family as well and even assists them in their chores when his family is not looking. Michelangelo is a carefree young man with very little duties who’s loved by many and is open to try new things.

Fun Fact: I originally planned to make a fanfic of this AU instead of my other AU fanfic "Turtles in the Roaring 20's", but I had more of a story put together and more passion for the 1920s AU compared to this one, so it was scrapped.

[anxiously-sidequesting]

okay wait stop. okay wait for me, okay just- (steps around my mountains of garbage and slime)

Listen we all love Malorn Ashthorn (as we fuckin' should) but I just realized. okay, just how much undeserved mess that poor blessed soul went through

Like okay think about it for a second. He's introduced early on in the first arc as Malistaire's former top student and now impromptu Death Professor at Ravenwood, okay so we all know that. But the implications man. The implications, I didn't think about the IMPLICATIONS.

He's like this 12 year old kid, okay. Already even BEFORE his official appearance in the game, imagine being a straight A student, one of the very best (to the point where it's noted and revered amongst the other professors AND your fellow students), under THE Malistaire Drake, who, even before his villain arc, was also one of the most esteemed and powerful Death professors ever. Like I couldn't even keep a C in school that shit must be wild

AND THEN. And then, your professor literally commits several war crimes, causes irreversible damage and trauma, and becomes a national criminal against.... the universe???? Like Malistaite commits heinous terrible shit, and sinks the entire Death School along with him. And then it falls to Malorn Ashthorn, once again who's like a teenager, to PICK UP THE METAPHORICAL PIECES because he had no choice. He was literally the only candidate to fill in Malistaire's place, a legend turned monster, to teach and guide GENERATIONS of new children that are HIS AGE or even OLDER THAN Malorn is.

And then the actual changes in the school. Malorn, former student, now has to learn how to become a professor with his limited knowledge of Death Magic. Like imagine filling in for the college astrophysicist teacher when you've only graduated 6th grade. He has to change his SCHEDULE, from waking up early as a student to get up and get ready even EARLIER as a professor to prepare the classes HE comes up with. Not to mention late nights grading hundreds of papers from multiple students??? AND he either is the ONLY tutor (which means more overtime and work for him, to personally help individual students with different Death lessons), or he has to actually call upon help from other students to help him get his job done.

And then there's like the relationship aspect of it. Malorn is literally just a child, like any other student, but adopting a role as a professor, an adult, means that he also has to adopt a certain mindset. Malorn literally HAS to be patient, HAS to be guiding and nurturing, HAS to be the adult in every situation in order to be a GOOD professor. Malorn has to train hard not only in magic to be ahead of the others in order to teach them properly, but has to retrain his mindset to be ABLE to handle to teach properly. Like you can't be a regular tween teaching other tweens.

And then it's just the pressure after that. The PRESSURE GUYS, of not only living up to one of the most talented and accomplished the school has ever seen, but deal with the fact that the very same person also became a tyrant and war criminal and left Malorn, his most promised student, in his place. Like I could easily imagine the rumors, the judgement, and the fear surrounding that boy, wondering if he would ever turn out to be the same as Malistaire.

No one asked for this. This soap opera I mean, nobody asked me about Malorn Ashthorn or this long ass post but I don't care because I'm crying. Girls I'm crying my entire bed is wet with tears of despair and snot. Malorn is literally a sweetie oh my God he does not, and never will deserve this shit I'm so sorry honey. Sweetie Malorn baby I'm so fuckign sorry, i'm so so sorry,

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

hi hi chrom enjoyer anon here again to ignite warfare.

what the FUCK is chrom hater anon talking about. "chrom is more popular than lucina because people want to fuck him" HELLO??? IN WHAT DIMENSION??? listen dude or dudette or duder of indeterminate gender. WHEN has a man ever been more popular than a woman because of FANSERVICE in goddamn WAIFU EMBLEM.

as if there isn't hordes of people who flatten lucina to a sex object just bcuz they wanna fuck her and ignore her own complexities. have you seen twitter. have you seen the absolute ATROCITY that is robcina.

speaking of. never imply i don't love my daughter ever again. lucina is fucking fantastic. she really does carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. she's almost a parallel of emmeryn - thrust into a leadership position much too soon, her entire childhood taken from her. all she has are the people with the same traumas as her, not necessarily her friends, just everybody who's still left.

her hiding her identity is so interesting. it's not just to prevent a knock-on effect of her being known before her own birth - she is embodying her own hero, taking his name, playing on their similarities, because she lacks the confidence to believe she should be the one to do this. ironically enough, this insecurity is what makes her more similar to chrom than anything else, both of them chasing the shining afterimage of their predecessors.

fact of the matter is, lucina is horribly underutilized in the plot. half the time you have no clue what she's even doing. why's she in ferox? to, uhh, "Investigate?" maybe?

the most major thing she does is prevent chrom's injury and emmeryn's assassination, yet the game fails to properly capitalize on the butterfly effect this creates. it goes entirely unmentioned that LUCINA did all this. and let's not even speak of valm arc. her showing up to save emmeryn is SO goddamn important to allow for a good ending to happen at all, and once she joins the party, she... tells basilio to not die? and her telling basilio to not die makes him not die and lets him pull out the macguffin out of his ass later?

once she JOINS THE PARTY you'd expect her to make more contributions, to, you know, "change fate", and all that. like, maybe SHE could've been the one to stop robin from stabbing chrom at all, instead of robin having the sudden willpower to "stab him a little less" than the original timeline. maybe she could have her own dramatic confrontation with grima as the symbol of stagnation - show the symbol of her despair and trauma what HAS changed, list out how this timeline differs from the past, and maybe even grima must admit to a sliver of truth in her words, yet pushes for the same ruin anyway out of his own despair.

there is SO MUCH they could've done with lucina! and they did NOTHING! SHE'S the awakening poster child. she was in smash first, she's the emblem, and how important is she to the plot? not very! she's important to the themes, certainly, but in the final act she's outweighed by the visions robin got FROM GRIMA when grima fucked up and amnesia'd them. THAT saved chrom. grima fucking up once. not lucina.

and that's so! frustrating! because i love her!

it's this whole theme of generational trauma, from emmeryn to chrom to lucina, of finally breaking free and doing something new, but...

lucina has the two BEST scenes in the entire game. "Lucina's judgement" is just a fantastic moment (and i'm particularly fond of the mother version). Wherein she is directly confronted with this whole thing: could you kill an innocent to save the world? could you do it to your father's best friend? or to your mother? lucina was so prepared to do ANYTHING to save her father, but now that she's in the past, that she got to reunite with him, that she got to live in comparative peace, she's scared. if she kills robin, chrom will hate her. it will save the world, but her own idyllic life will shatter. only now that she has something to lose does she hesitate.

and yknow, the reunion scene between her and chrom in ch13 is already like, awakening's most well known scene for a REASON. it's so touching. this brave enigmatic warrior crying into her father's arms, finally allowed to be the child she is. chrom faced with all he stands to lose, with the broken reflection of his own infant daughter.

it's poetic. it's fantastic. fact is: the emotional core of awakening is so deeply compelling. generational trauma as a way to mirror predeterminism and the belief in a doomed world. breaking cycles and changing fate, all wrapped up in an incredible subversion of fairy tales: what if the dragon and the knight loved each other? (whether it's platonic or romantic, i dont care at this point) what if the dragon didn't have to die to save the princess?

viewed through the grander lens of these strong, resonant themes, awakening is fucking incredible. but on a moment to moment basis... there is so much squandered potential, so many little holes that didn't need to exist. it feels rushed. underbaked. i know it was FE's last hurrah, but... man. the passion was there. the care wasn't, or it didn't have the time to be.

also anyone who calls themself a chrom fan who DOESNT also deeply adore lucina is a sham and will die by my sword. respect my wonderful daughter or else.

.

[tumblingghosts]

okay hello!! i didn’t mean to come here THIS soon but i can’t stop thinking about all of this all day and i’ve sort of come up with a little idea (sorry!)

it’s not persephone that time travels. it’s festus. and he knows how deeply persephone was hurt by mizzen’s death. he knows that she still cries herself to sleep on july 3rd (hc for mizzen’s birthday). and he wants to change it so badly- he wishes more than anything he could go back in time and save mizzen.

and coral who haunts his dreams more often than he’d ever care to admit. it’s embarrassing for him but he cringes whenever he sees any type of snake now.

and somehow- hoping must have been enough because he wakes up on a random day in november, months before the 10th games. he’s got a chance and loud mouth and he plans to use both. he doesn’t see the harm in not going full force- the universe already gave him one second chance, surely he could get another if things go wrong.

he’s never been good with subtlety. he’s loud about wanting to end the games. at first, people think he’s gone mad. what’s a creed doing defending the districts? his parents are in shambles trying to stop him.

but he’s vocal enough that it inspires his more tender-hearted classmates. soon, festus is joined by some of the most powerful teenagers in panem. sejanus with all his families money, clemensia with her families name, even hilarius heavensbee drops his constant whining and joins in. and of course, persephone price is happy to join the cause.

eventually, even felix ravinstill and- surprisingly- livia cardew join in. (though livia swears she’s only doing it because it seems so important to persephone).

and by the grace of whatever god controls panem, that’s enough to get people’s attention. it’s easy to ignore one loud mouthed boy- but once they all band together it’s a snowball that’s getting out of control.

and it works. people are pissed and president ravinstill is stressed- but it works. the games are cancelled under the agreement that if the districts start to act up again, then they come back. it’s not perfect but it’s good enough for now.

because now he doesn’t have to hear persephone sob and blame herself. he doesn’t have to watch as coriolanus descends into power and madness.

he doesn’t have to watch coral die.

and it reminds him of his dog fights- and why he always likes to bet on the long shot.

OH MY GOSH-

TIME TRAVELLING FESTUS!!

LET'S GO!!

(i am so happy to have another person to talk to about time travel)

okay, first of all-

he knows that she still cries herself to sleep on july 3rd (hc for mizzen’s birthday). and he wants to change it so badly

july 3rd as mizzen's birthday?? poor boy just turned thirteen and gets reaped the very next day auuugh ;;;;;

and coral who haunts his dreams more often than he’d ever care to admit.

persephone being much more open than he is about her despair, but festus also feeling bad over coral because he had been invested in her winning and the way she died probably struck him that she is (was) a person. a child. younger than him when he was mentoring, and probably feeling younger with each year that he aged and she didn't (would never get to).

i definitely think that seeing how bad perspephone felt definitely emphasized his own feelings of guilt and regret (that he might have otherwise buried), and in turn, motivated him to properly seize the opportunity to fix things when he finds himself in the past

he’s got a chance and loud mouth and he plans to use both. he doesn’t see the harm in not going full force- the universe already gave him one second chance, surely he could get another if things go wrong.

ayo?? the confidence-

i love this!! festus hasn't died some terrible death before getting sent back in time. he has no reason to try being cautious or worry that this is the only second chance he's going to get. he just wished to make a change and was granted it. so, he goes all out for it

immaculate <33

i can imagine everyone around him like 'teenage rebellion??' but also thinking that 'it's just a phase' and since he hasn't taken any action (other than being very vocal), he doesn't face any consequences other than social judgement (which he doesn't care about the second time around - persephone's future happiness will be worth it)

i can definitely see sejanus jumping on board quickly, not pushing festus too hard on why his mind changed so suddenly and drastically, mostly just happy that one of his classmates has changed their tune.

i can see coriolanus playing things cautiously, but offering some lukewarm support given the people around him (festus, sejanus, clemensia) throwing their lot in. he doesn't want to commit, and isn't really swayed, but he knows how to play the game, and he wants to have some kind of attachment to both sides until he can be sure of which way the wind blows

eventually, even felix ravinstill and- surprisingly- livia cardew join in. (though livia swears she’s only doing it because it seems so important to persephone).

and since i'm very attached to the headcanon about a felix/livia rivalry since childhood - i can see livia doing it spite first and friendship second. felix has joined in, convinced by festus, but isn't as invested as the more sympathetic classmates (yet). then, on top of that, livia sees coriolanus offering "support" (as half-hearted as it is) and she refuses to be outdone by either of them in aiding the side that persephone is on.

then, because she is loudly throwing her lot in, felix goes from 'sure, i'll help you, festus' to 'i am doing the very most to help' and starts to properly throw his social standing around

it snowballs even more from there, because even the classmates who were only somewhat invested can see where this is going. and, being who they are, want to be on the winning side. so they add their support too - the games are going to end, and they want part of the credit when it happens as well. it's too late to silence anyone, there's too many children of influential families and if any of them were to be punished for starting it (festus) or scapegoated (sejanus) there would be utter riots

so there's only really one course of action that can be taken.

gaul isn't happy about the games ending, but highbottom makes some comments about how they weren't that good anyway, and president ravinstill signs the cancellation agreement.

and it reminds him of his dog fights- and why he always likes to bet on the long shot.

and what a line to end it on??? :D

i like to think that festus talks with persphone that night about "hypothetical" trips to the districts, once things have calmed down a bit more. call it curiosity, but he wants to see how coral grows up to be, now that she'll never be reaped. and mizzen made such an impact on persephone's life, it'd be odd that they'd never meet. even if these were different circumstances, he thinks it's worth it regardless.

maybe we could visit a beach, he suggests. four is closest to the oceans. it could be fun.

the suggested trip doesn't happen for several more years, but whether it's chance or fate or whatever, they do end up running into mizzen who is more than happy to explain marine life to the capitol girl that hasn't seen any of them in real life before.

this is such a lovely fix it!! thank you for sending it!! :DD

[httpsserene-main]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾ hummingbird ☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

notifications ☽︎: fem!navi!reader, selectivelymute!reader, deaf!reader, sully family x reader (platonic), side!neteyam x reader, self harm, panic attacks, sensory overload, child neglect and abuse, canon typical violence, no proofreading whatsoever lmao, 7.5k words

requested ☽︎: uhh sort of?? i reached out to the lovely @inutheangel who happily dealt with my rambling and decided to give writing a mute and deaf reader a shot! so i am really thankful they wanted to see this!

developer's notes ☽︎: okayyyyyyy! i am back! i was originally planning to get this out like last friday but i got reallyyy sick. like 103 degree fever for two days sick, multiple antibiotics, bed rest, no energy type beat. and i worked on it when i could but school started for me and it was taking everything in me to recover lmao. n e ways…. this is my child now. thank you @inutheangel, for gracing me with the opportunity to write this, and for answering all of my questions, and i hope you are pleased!! 

so this is a fem!reader, who’s also selectively mute and deaf. i did a bit of research to have a deeper understanding of these conditions, but i didn’t get too technical with it because i didn’t want to bore anyone, and this piece is already long enough without drawn out details. so it’s sort of? family-centric and follows the plot of the second movie loosely, because i couldn’t decide how to include it fully and that would’ve been an even longer work. it’s an 18 page long google doc, please spare me. i apologize to the besties reading on mobile. this whole work consists of headcanons, but i’m lowkey thinking about writing scenarios, and drabbles about fem!mute!deaf!na’vi!reader, which is a mouthful so i’m just going to call her hummingbird!reader, because jake calls her that in these hcs lol. if you want to see more of hummingbird!reader, and have any ideas of your own, or any fun thoughts about her and interactions with the sully’s let me know and i genuinely will respond and enthuse about this!

if i missed any tw's let me know, if you want more of hummingbird!reader let me know, and of course, enjoy!

much love, kirby <3 !!!

your father who died due to wounds being sustained when fighting the sky people

neytiri gave birth to neteyam 4 months before your father passed, and is the one to inform reader’s mother as they are close friends. 

your mother is barely 6 months pregnant with you, and the news about her mate sends her into distress and early labor

jake who was close with your parents (being two of the few omatikaya who eagerly helped him learn their ways) frantically got in touch with norm and max when the elders who were assisting your mother said that both you and your mother would probably die during childbirth.

norm and max perform a successful c-section not only saving you and your mother; you are born drastically underweight, barely half the size of your mother’s forearm, and you fail to breastfeed properly and you are transported to the lab to receive proper nourishment

your mother comes with, needing time to heal from c-section and the instinct to be close to you, but her behavior will change unbeknownst to everyone

when you become healthy enough to leave with your mother and return to the omatikaya clan, she’s aided by the women in the tribe helping her raise and nourish you in the absence of her mate, but it is mainly neytiri who sticks by her side bringing neteyam and, jake who stops on his own to watch over you as he promised your father he would

but when she’s alone with you… her instinctive mothering nature begins to dwindle, your face mirrors your fathers, and your mother hurts whenever she looks at you

she ignores your cries for her attention only seeming to return to the present when other na’vi come to check in on why your screams haven’t ceased

and as you grow stronger and older, her feelings of anguish and despair transform into anger.

she refers to you as a demon child, never stopping to remind you that you nearly killed her in the process of your birth, that she wishes you were never born, and that she’d trade your life for your father’s without hesitation

you do not understand her words yet, you understand her body language and the hostility radiating off of her

you're nearing two years of age, and it gets worse. you have yet not begun to speak. no first words, not a single babble besides cries. and she begins to compare you to other children your age who are developing normally

she yells at you for being a stupid, worthless child, embarrassing her with your silence. her volume raises even more when she finds you not even turning to look at her while she screams at you talks to you, failing to notice that you literally cannot hear her

she’s practically breaking the sound barrier raging for you to look at her while she’s talking to you. she marches over—roughly pulling your arm to get you to look at her— and your pained yelp is the only sound that escapes you as she continues to berate you

tiny ears pinned back in distress, tail tucked between your legs to match eyes wide with fear and confusion— not understanding why your mother only treats you like this you’ve seen how sweet neytiri is to her children

you’ve become numb to your mother’s behavior. you adapted to survive her anger. learning to avoid her at all costs; staying as far away from her as possible when she begins one of her tyrants. but this is her first time becoming physical with you

her bruising grip at your arm drops and switches to ripping your hair out yanking at your braids pulling your head backwards uncomfortably, scalp burning, and you begin to scream and cry

she’s completely delusional, cackling, “now you start making noise”

jake who was not far from your dwelling, is preparing a few carcasses to be cooked, when his ears picked up on your cries

he brushes off the first wave of your tears assuming it's just regular childlike tantrums which you rarely have without good reason anymore 

jake who fails to brush off tears the second time, your mother’s vengeful screams paired with your terrified cries—his paternal affliction for you overrides him and he rushes to get to you

you blank out of most of the altercation, only remembering seeing the olo’eyktan’s angry expression when he enters the tent, and eventually ending up returning to awareness in neytiri’s arms head hugged to her chest, feeling her sobs

you pull away confused at the change in scenery, looking around a little panicked unknowing of how you ended up in the sully’s tent; neteyam, kiri and jake nowhere to be seen

neytiri who tries to calm you down, but you do not even react, only turning to reach up at her face— a painfully adorable confused expression on your face as you pat her face trying to wipe her tears her heart breaks for you

your mother is probably banished to another clan i don’t know the logistics of that but she is definitely not welcome to stay neytiri would rip her fucking tracks out on god

and from that point forward you are basically adopted by the sully’s

neytiri accepts you as her own daughter, feeling responsible for not being aware of your mother’s neglectful and abusive treatment of you. she’d do anything for you (when you reach an older age she offhandedly mentions that she almost slaughtered your mother lol)

jake fully accepts you as well; he’s angry at himself for not protecting you as he should have. he’s extremely gentle with you, still treating you carefully as you’re still on the smaller side of average you’re barely bigger than kiri even though your almost a year older than her

neteyam and kiri are thrilled that you’re here to play with them forever. both of them accept you with minimal confusion; kiri is extremely grateful that she has someone to help her in bothering her older brother

when lo’ak is born, neteyam and kiri were interested in their baby brother at first but soon become bored when they realize he can’t play with them yet and even more uninterested when all lo’ak seems to do is eat, sleep, and cry. emphasis on the crying part

you on the other hand, are thrilled at having a baby brother, eager to hold him and stay by his side with neytiri and jake.

when neytiri and jake awake to lo’ak’s shrill screams in the middle of the night, neteyam and kiri are awoken as well disgruntled at the interruption of their sleep. but you stay asleep, as if you never heard his cries.

neytiri and jake, who take this as a blessing at first, because they don’t have to soothe all of their children back to sleep. but as all of you continue growing, neytiri and jake begin to become concerned

you still haven't made any effort with words, and they start to notice your lack of reaction at speech, and the sounds of pandora all around you

jake’s sweet call of your nickname “hummingbird” because all you seem to do is hum so quietly it’s almost inaudible, he repeats himself multiple times to try and get your attention, but ends up having to insert himself into your field of view for you to pay attention

neytiri’s warning for you not to stray too far from them at the river in the jungle, toddling off on your own intrigued by the feeling of the water rushing across your feet, ending up alone by yourself further downstream, hysterically crying (so quietly that its hard for them to find you), the only thing you're able to feel is the vibration of the water that soothes you as it gets darker. and the vibration of her panicked footsteps through the ground rush in your direction before your scooped up by her

kiri asking you to add some beads to her hair, distracted by the field of flowers in front of you, only becoming aware of her request when she pats you on the shoulder and you jump unaware of her being that close

neteyam asking if you want to play hide and seek with him and a couple other kids, he knows you get scared if you’re randomly touched,so he stomps on the ground behind you and you turn around curious at the vibrations, and he asks you again and you squint to read his lips

couldn’t think of anything for lo’ak since he’s just a littol baybee

neytiri and jake who finally bring their questions to norm and max after they see neteyam’s manner of interaction with you

and they finally receive an answer for your behavior. you're selectively mute, and completely deaf !!! wow shocker crazy breathtaking shook unbelievable

this isn’t that much of a surprise to jake, but to neytiri this is unheard of in na’vi society, or at least so rare it’s not talked about

norm and max who theorize that your deafness was due to complications of your premature birth, and that your selective mutism stems from the traumatic relationship with your biological mother

jake and neytiri who are at first distraught with this revelation–and the fact that you won’t be able to experience life like other children– but are quick to ask for ways to communicate better with you 

and at around 5 years old you begin speech therapy and your own special version of listening therapy with norm and max!

they do a couple tests with you to see where you are developmentally, and find that you’re actually smarter than most kids your age lmao, when you find out about this you definitely rub it in neteyam’s face.

neteyam who allows your non-verbal smugness parade, finding himself happy at your confidence

they learn that the squinting when you talk isn’t because you can’t see, it’s because you're trying to read their lips as they talk. you struggle with it now. not only because you’re a kid, but also because you’ve never heard the language

and as you spend more time in the lab with norm and max, you get more comfortable with them and learning speech.

the lab is the only place you feel comfortable with your attempts at talking because there’s no pressure from the two, unlike the other na’vi. being around everybody who can hear you struggling to speak correctly, and being teased and mocked by kids your age

norm and max suggest that your family learns sign language to try and help communicate with you

when they taught you how to write to more accurately represent yourself the first thing you wrote was “head hurt,” and tried to gesture that it was because of all the eye strain from squinting to read lips

the sully’s who are now dedicated to learning sign language for you <3

jake, norm, and max all work on developing your special language quickly developing it with the help of fancy sky people technology

and you take to it like a ikran does to flying (i’m working on relevant phrases as you can tell i am struggling lmao)

yet you only use it outside of the lab whenever you muster up enough confidence too, it’s still a form of communication and sometimes you just get so anxious that you shut down even more

the first time you sign with your family is in the comfort around the fire, when lo’ak sets his food on fire. you all freak out for a moment, jake scrambling to put it out, and it’s silent for a minute.

lo’ak who is on the verge of tears, and you hum above your normal volume of damn near silent and everyone’s attention flickers to you, but you do not notice.

you sign a simple, “skxawng. eat mine.” offering him your food

everyone laughs a bit shocked and hysterical at tonight's two big events, lo’ak being a lost cause, and you calling him an idiot

when tuk is born, you are happy to have another girl around to outnumber lo’ak and neteyam.

as a baby tuk loves your consistent quiet humming to your own tune, and you love the vibrations of her giggles and even her cries. you quickly decipher the different feelings of her cries understanding what she wants better that her own parents

now you and neteyam are both around 7, kiri and lo’ak roughly 6, and tuk a newborn

you’ve adapted so quickly in pandora

you’ve become way better with understanding the vibrations you feel beneath your feet; whether it’s an ikran pushing off from the ground, a pa’li nearing closer, a stream flowing nearby, or now spider’s failed attempts to sneak up on you (idk what to do with spider can you tell)

with how much you spend time in the lab with norm and max, you eventually start speaking in small quantities around them

your voice incredibly quiet, as you cannot hear yourself, but you watch their surprise and preen at the praise they give you as you succeed and excel

neytiri and jake who are pissed at the fact that norm and max are the only ones who have heard your voice lmao

the labrats take you out into the jungle to study your reaction to the stimuli in the jungle and notice that the mid-tone humming you do in your throat, actually changes to a higher pitch and sometimes you click

your ears flick towards the ruffling of leaves, the fluttering of insect wings, the rushing of water, the growling of animals, as if you can actually hear

they also notice how you hate when your feet are not touching the ground, your feet are always firmly planted, to feel

you’ve grown so much around norm and max with your speech that you can even read some of their english paperwork to them outloud even if you have no understanding of the bigger words but you still verbally close off when you return to your clan

but hey that’s selective mutism, when they ask why you are unable to speak you find that it’s not because you don’t want to…it feels like you physically can’t

when you and lo’ak are running around out of your parents’ range of hearing you love to speak to him (no matter how quiet your voice is) and everytime lo’ak bursts with joy at the fact that you feel comfortable enough to talk to him #youngerbrotherprivileges

he runs off to tell your parents and siblings that you spoke to him, but you pretend like nothing ever happened and that lo’ak is just imagining things

nobody believes him lmaooo, (i’m grinning)

omg! jake who brings you along to war strategy meeting when the sky people return, with you resting against his chest soaking up the feeling of his strong heartbeat, the softest purr continuously rumbling your tiny body

jake who holds you on his hip and explains the strategies of war to you and the various maps, lowkey using you as a medium to help remember plans better not realizing you’re eager to learn more about how to protect your people

omg major plot point alert!! when you come for a yearly checkup with norm and max, they mention cochlear implants for you

neytiri and jake are thrilled that you may have a possibility to actually hear

but you are scared at the idea of hearing everything

the discussion continues norm and max letting you know it would be a few years until you implants are made as there isn’t a audiologist around to assist them in their creation (idk how this would take realistically, but i’m going with this)

eventually you agree, starting to realize that you’d be able to hear your mom and dad’s voice, your sibling’s laughter, and neteyam’s laugh <3

at this point you have lurked around mo’at soaking up all of her tsahik practices, while neteyam is being taught how to use his bow and knife by jake and neytiri

at first your fine with just learning to be a healer, but eventually you start to see how jake and neytiri treat you and neteyam differently

they still treat you as if you’re the defenseless little girl they adopted years ago and neteyam as if he’s a full blown warrior

one more morning of watching neytiri and jake gather their various weapons, and neteyam begin to grab his own, while you’re being sent to mo’at to learn more about eywa (whom you love, but it’s begin to become repetitive, as you’ve heard her lessons many times before) you’ve finally had enough!

you walk up to jake and neytiri, shoulders raised upwards with unbridled anger and begin vigorously signing and them, a little to fast for them to catch up

neteyam who translates the bits and pieces he catches from the side “i….fight too….same…learn…defense…arrows…knives…”

jake who squats to your level and asks you to repeat yourself

slowly you sign as if speaking to tuk a child, “why can’t i learn to fight too? neteyam and i are the same age, we should be equal! i want to hunt fish too, learn to be a warrior, how to defend the people, shoot arrows, and cut with knives!!”

jake who is vehemently against you learning to use weapons and fight, and neytiri agrees

you spend the whole morning arguing as best as you can, before jake dismisses you and trashes your wishes to become a warrior

you break down into sobs, and jake reaches out to pull you his chest, neytiri to pet your hair but you shove their hands away from you, and your very first words to them are an anger-filled “i hate you!” stunning neytiri and jake long enough for you to rush by them and into the forest, narrowly avoiding the other na’vi’s grasps to bring you back to your parents

you travel in a direction you’ve never been in; leading yourself to a part of the forest your unfamiliar with, and discover you’ve gotten yourself lost (skull emoji)

you sit down expecting jake or neytiri to find you but when you feel the vibrations of footsteps reaching you, you realize it’s neteyam

you turn to hiss at him (one of your louder sounds) but he ignores it, going to sit right next to you and throwing an arm around your shoulder

you begin to cry again, using neteyam’s shoulder to literally cry on

he lets you tire yourself out before he pats your cheek causing you to look up at him and he says, “mom and dad are dumb.” (wide eyes emoji) “i will teach you what i learn from them when we are supposed to be playing, okay?”

and you accept his offer (girl boss and boy boss locked in bound 4 lyfe by their treasonous?? actions)

when neteyam leads you home, you allow yourself to be scolded and hugged by your parents and siblings, but their stance on you becoming a warrior hasn’t changed, so you fully rely on neteyam’s plan.

jake who does the bare minimum™ and gives you a little dagger for protection and teaches you how to use it, but refuses to do any more than that

a few more years have passed, sending you and neteyam into awkward growth stages, long limbs becoming lanky, the height difference between you becoming more obvious even though you are only four months younger than him. lo’ak starts learning to fight like his brother, you and kiri fully become apprentices training with mo’at and the other healers, and tuk shadowing her sisters everywhere

for 5 years you and neteyam have kept your promise learning how to fight through everything he teaches you, and the both of you stalking watching omatikaya warriors to perfect your form

anytime you try to tell neteyam that his grasp on his knife is incorrect, or his bow string isn’t taught enough, he automatically claims that you’re wrong and he’s right because “he’s older”

and everytime you say “only by four months!” receiving a smug “i'm still older” in response lol

you’ve definitely developed a little puppy crush on him, making a disgusted face when the other na’vi girls your learning to heal with refers to neteyam as your brother

you are quick to correct them tho, with an audible “no. he is my best friend, not my brother.” stunning them into silence at your firm yet light–quiet voice

kiri and tuk hear all of this of course, and start to prod at you about your crush on neteyam and suddenly you’ve lost the ability to understand sign language and how to read lips (reader is a comedian lmao)

while you and neteyam are locked in, 4 lifers, bound by your mutual-disobedience to your parents; you and lo’ak become a different breed of na’vi

apart from him, you are a poster-child for the poster-child. you weave many clothes, bracelets, baskets for everyone. address younger children's wounds when they played too rough, and genuinely strived to brighten everyones day with your mere presence, not needing to speak to do so

but with lo’ak… y'all are menaces to society, playing pranks on everyone but they’re generally pranks of minor inconveniences. y’all also stay out too late in the jungle, precariously explore areas you shouldn’t, etc. casual lo’ak type beat

jake still brings you to the strat meetings, letting this be the closest you ever get to war, and eventually asks for your point of view on things and starts taking your input into account, and sometimes even says to the other warriors, “my daughter notices that…my daughter thinks it may be better if..” and you preen, happy to accept this level of acknowledgement even if you are still not allowed to fight :(

ding dong! your ears have arrived!!!

as your listening and speech therapy has continued you’ve started to refer to your implants as your “ears” (i just thought it would be cute to call them that lol)

neytiri and jake drop you off at the lab for surgery, and it all happens pretty quick. (small incisions behind the ears while under anesthesia, instructions to keep them clean, and you have another four weeks to wait until you can use them to hear)

a month passes, and this time the whole family ventures to the lab to be there for your first experience of full volume

norm signs to you that he’s turning the ears on and when you begin to hear noises, you gasp, scaring yourself at your own volume, hands covering your mouth, ears perked upwards reaching and grasping for every sound around you

and the very first thing you hear is neteyam laughing at you, you turn to look at him, shocked that you can actually hear it, and then everyone begins talking with you, well at you

the rowdy sully’s are instructed to calm down before they overwhelm you with their voices, and the first words you grace them all with after you told neytiri and jake that you hated them are:

“i love you.” and then you begin crying bc your a soft soul who can’t take all these life changing moments you’ve had with the sully’s

talking is still very hard for you, so when you return home you shyly sign, “even though there are so many beautiful sounds, my favorites have to be the sound of your voices”

you are a rizzologistTM, there go the whole family blushing and kicking their feet

now there are two downsides to your “ears”

1. the fact that they rely on battery and last only around 8 hours (i feel like they’d still be in their prototype-era idk)

and b. that you become incredibly overwhelmed at all the sounds you’re hearing. the switch up was intentional ty (but i think overstimulation is normal for a person who has never experienced hearing before??)

almost everyday, after 4 hours you yank the ears off your head exhausted at hearing and return to the family tent happy with your silence as you recover

one particular day, you go through your daily duties, assisting mo’at in organizing in prepping and preparing medicines, delivering goods to various families, drawing new supply lines for the warriors, refereeing a children’s game, braiding hair, refining your arrow accuracy–and the noises are starting to make you physically hurt

the breaking point is when your whole family is sitting and waiting for dinner to finish cooking, and the sound of neytiri’s knife hitting the board sounds like a gunshot right by your ear

you abruptly burst into tears, the sound of your own distress further upsetting you. your hand cover your ears, before you finally rip your hearing aids off throwing them away from you, uncaring about damaging the precious technology

jake who immediately tries to soothe you asking you questions you can’t hear, and then you begin to claw at behind your ears as if your trying to dig out the internal mechanisms, starting to draw blood

kiri’s who’s sitting next to you tries to pull you hands away, but you shove her off of you, and you now curl up, knees to your chest rocking back and forth frantically

neytiri is the one to manage to get you to stop scratching at yourself, hugging you tightly and not letting you go no matter how hard you try to push yourself away from her gasp

your still inconsolable even though you’ve stopped hurting yourself, rocking back and forth as much as you can in neytiri’s grasp, and neteyam offers a solution

neteyam requests to bring you to a spot that he “found” implying that it might help you calm down. jake and neytiri are against the idea, not wanting to move you in this state, but he pleads, “if this doesn’t work then we can come back and try something different, but i know it will!”

mo’at is called over to watch over the rest of the kiddies as you, neteyam, neytiri, and jake make the trip to this “secret spot” 

you being princess carried (i think it’s the bridal carry but nah u a princess today) by jake *sob sob* it the calmest you’ve gotten so far but you’re still unresponsive and very far away from the present

they approach a clearing in the jungle after an 30ish minute walk, and neteyam gestures for you to be set on the ground, while gesturing for neytiri and jake to stop hovering around you while he sits in front of your still rocking body

the grass is a luscious green even in the dark, the area illuminated by the glowing fauna on the outskirts, and neteyam gently brings your hand up to his chest placing it directly over his heart, and presses his forehead to yours, his eyes closed, as he slows and strengthens his breathing

you slowly stop rocking, your eyes clearing as your breathing matches neteyam’s, the bioluminescent freckles on both of your body's flickering in the same pattern, and grass starts to pulse in time with your synced breaths

your eyes flutter closed as well, and a few atokirina start to float around the both you landing on both of you two–and when one lands on neteyam’s head he opens his eyes and carefully pulls his head away, a sigh escaping him as he relaxes fully

and then he turns to see jake and neytiri’s faces (i’m screaming, as i'm writing this) of shock like, he’s never seen his parents this off balance, and figures he owes them an explanation

“we discovered this place when we were kids, and she really liked it because she said that she felt eywa’s presence was strong here, and that it was like she could almost hear my voice when i spoke to her. and when she got her ears, we’d visit here more often whenever we both could sneak out between our tasks so she could relax from the constant noises.”

his last sentence brings neytiri’s and jake’s attention that they’re are very few sounds escaping into the clearing from the dense brush surrounding them, it was a void masking the noises of the jungle

neteyam continues, “it was a little trial and error process to figure out how to calm her down when she got overwhelmed like she did tonight–” he pauses as you slump forward into his chest exhaustion besting you as you fall asleep, “but i managed to figure it out after she crashed during one of our sparring matches.”

and then he does a verbal “oh shit” 

jake repeats him, “one of your ‘sparring matches’????” neytiri stunned into silence at his side

and now neteyam realizes he might not make it back alive to the rest of your family as he explains for the past almost 6 years that he's been teaching you how to fight, and jake and neytiri start to lose their mind at neteyam’s prolonged betrayal of their wishes

hey but he’s saved by your sleeping, and jake stonily tables the discussion for the morning

 the morning is not very fun for you or neteyam, being lectured for many hours about your secret lessons and everything and jake tries to use your recent overstimulation-episode as reason as to why you shouldn’t be fighting and you lose it at him

you speak, desperately, “you have not even seen my skills yet! it does not matter if it is a bow, or a knife, or a spear, i am very skilled. neteyam says that i have even better aim than him! instead of using my weaknesses as a reason for me to not learn, you should try to teach me to become better! not ban me from protecting myself, my family, or my people!” your voice breaks, “will you not even allow me the ability to defend my home?”

and with those words, neytiri–sees herself mirrored in you–breaks and suggests to jake that he he does teach you how to fight, soothing his worries with the stance of you at least being prepared to defend yourself and your family, while not necessarily having to be fighting on the front lines

spoiler alert jake caves, you and neteyam rejoice before your both consequently punished with morning training and evening training sessions

you have a lot of catching up to do, even lo’ak knows more than you as he teases you in the morning sessions he now tags along in

your relationship with neytiri grows stronger as she teaches you the way of the bow.

it’s like you’re her clone, as you grow up you begin to resemble her more than your biological mother. you become more confident, your presence assertive, not being afraid to speak your mind more often.

your relationship with jake takes more time to mend in the start. you feel his hesitation when you deal with any slightly dangerous matters. but it improves as you make a clean kill on your 13th birthday so precise many of the people debate if you or neteyam had a cleaner kill on your rites of passage. when you beat neteyam’s time for your own iknimaya by a few seconds (a whole seven seconds you taunt to neteyam) jake is berating himself for suppressing your talents

lowkey, i think you would hate flying in the begin because your feet aren’t touching the ground, but that is a story for another time because this is getting way too long

and he begins to allow you to join supply raids with neteyam when you turn 15 (as long as your ears are full charged up)

(let’s pretend like they never went to the metkayina clan for this i am too tired to make this chronologically/canonically accurate; i promise i have a plot somewhere in this long ass headcanon)

you and neteyam are excelling at being the eyes for your father and the warriors, always alerting everybody of sky people and leaving with no casualties or low numbers during the unfortunate but rare circumstances

 the warriors ask for your thoughts when planning raids, and even happily utilize your suggestions

when lo’ak joins you two on raids, too eager, it always end up with he and neteyam getting hurt, but when that missile hit you almost lost yourself thinking your little brother and first love died

but unlike jake, you don’t berate lo’ak you only tightly hug him, quietly conversing with him expressing your worry that you lost him, which does begin to have him start considering his reckless behavior

after caring for lo’ak and addressing his few scratches and knicks that were bypassed by your mother and father, you direct lo’ak to the tent with neteyam, your sisters, and your grandmother

the healer in you automatically awakens, taking care of the scrapes kiri and mo’at have not gotten to

you hold his face and clean the knicks from rubble, applying a paste to prevent scarring, and feel his gaze warming your cheeks, you steadfastly ignoring him

mo’at and lo’ak making eye contact and almost bursting out laughing and snorting at the two of you (i hc that mo’at and lo’ak are besties)

omg after that night when neteyam took you to the clearing with your parents, neytiri and jake automatically consulted mo’at about the atokirina and the pulsing of the grass and all she had to say was “eywa has chosen” with a smug ass look on her face (the smug look must be genetic)

lo’ak of course eavesdropping and then gossiping with mo’at constantly about how dense you two were lmaooo i love him so much

the sky people still capture spider. you are unaware of the situation as you’re hearing aids were undergoing updates with max and norm, and you were in the lab with them

when you return to the depressing aura surrounding the omatikaya, kiri’s haunted expression, you get the full story from poor tuk, pulling her into your lap as you wait for your parents to finish their discussion

obviously, when you hear about jake’s plan to leave you tell him that’s utterly stupid, obv he doesn’t want to hear it, but you plead for him to listen as the olo’eyktan, and not as a father

something along the lines of you'd be bringing the fight to clans who have nothing to do with it, you have better knowledge of the mountains than of the sky people yadayadayada, 

and he agrees! wow ur so strong and persuasive with logical reasoning, but he still does make a trip to the island to try and recruit some of the homies

you, neteyam, lo’ak, neytiri, and the other warriors start drafting so many war plans together while jake is toruk-makto-ing his ass of in foreign lands, intertwining the reef tactics with your own forest tactics

the metkayina agree to aid you in the rivers meeting the sea underneath the mountains, and secure the coastline of any fleeing sky people and stuff

fast forward, jake draws the sky people into the mountainous area, battle being fought successfully on the na’vi part but the same capture situation of lo’ak, tuk, and kiri occurs

you take tuk and kiri, while lo’ak and neteyam stupidly try to find spider on their own.

you fly kiri and tuk to safety on a nearby cliffside with a trusted ally, and circle back calling the boys’ ikran for a quick getaway

as you order lo’ak to jump for his ikran with spider, gunshots narrowly whizz by and neteyam follows after

his ikran gets hit, and so does he, plummeting out of the air

you dive after him, your ikran just barely getting you close enough to grab and pull him onto your saddle before they crashed

you feel his blood spill onto you, and you abandon the battle to take him back to mo’at and the healers knowing they have all the material prepared for caring for injuries

you dismount, screaming for help, as you lay him on the flat ground, hands applying pressure to the wound above his heart, neteyam whimpering out an “i-i’m okay, you can hear me right- i won’t leave you before…” and he struggles to continue

you cry, as the healers all join you doing the most to staunch the bleeding, on his back as the bullet went straight through, and at the pain he passes out, and you begin to panic at the thought of losing him forever

norm and max are there tho, and with their swanky human technology and  endless prayers to eywa–the healers, a dreamwalker, and a human are able to stop the bleeding and stabilize neteyam!!!! (aye i really am not ready to kill neteyam in one of my works my soul is too fragile for that)

ding dong the wicked quatrich is dead!!! or maybe not i’ll let you decide whether or not spider saves him in this scenario it’s not key to the plot at this point

the sky people turn running with their figurative tails between their legs

the metkayina annihilate any stragglers trying to escape off the coast

your family returns learning how close neteyam is/was to death, and rush to see him

you’re sitting by his side, hand over his heart making sure it doesn’t miss a beat, eyes trained on his face, your other hand with a damp rag cleaning all other debrief off of him

mo’at stands behind you, hands on your shoulders, staring at her grandson with worry seeping through her usual expressionless face

your hearing aids have died, so you can’t hear you’re family entering

tuk startles you as she climbs into your lap, and hugs your arm while her own tiny hand joins yours on neteyam’s chest

you look up at your mom and dad while lo’ak, spider, and kiri, rush to neteyam’s side, the tears beginning to flow from your eyes again, a raspy “i was almost too late to save him” spills from your lips

jake embraces you and mo’at, while neytiri kneels next to you, a hand on your knee while dampening your cloth to continue cleaning her son

as everyone begins to get treated for their injuries, various warriors spilling in, you refuse to have you own wounds looked at if it requires you to leave neteyam’s side

you stay in the tent by neteyam’s beside, numb to all the chaos happening around you, and it definitely helps that you can’t be disturbed at the sounds around you

it’s three days before neteyam awakens

you’ve slept in the tent, picked at your food, only eating enough to please your mother, kiri treated your wounds as you refused to remove your hand from his chest.

and when he rouses with a groan, and eyes squinting open, you call for mo’at, max and norm frantically, your whole family tumbling in too

and as dry as his throat must be, the first thing he asks is, “did we do it?”

and you all start crying again, jake walking over to sit on the ground by neteyam’s side and pets his head, nodding softly, choking up

and you finally slip away from his side, neteyam not missing your withdrawal, before his siblings fill up your absence, and you allow mo’at to finally get a closer look at your injuries

neteyam stays in the medical tent for a week, before he’s allowed to be transferred back to his family, and you’ve haven’t been to see him since he’s woken up

you’re afraid

you’ve spent seven days constantly working, over-working, so you don’t have to go to sleep; checking everybodies injuries to make sure they’re healing properly, guiding prayers for the na’vi’s that are returning to eywa, cleaning up debris from the mountain and surrounding area and stockpiling any material/tools that may be useful in the future, healing injured ikrans and pa’li, hunting for hours to gather enough food for the injured, and when you join jake to speak with the metkayina leader with the deepest eye bags and gaunt form he’s ever seen he’s had enough

lol as he’s inviting the metkayina to return when they omatikaya have settled back to normal ronal tsks at him, and gestures to you, you struggling to stop yourself from falling asleep standing and says, “you cannot even take care of your daughter. our visit can wait longer.”

jake who pulls you to his side on the walk back waiting for you to open up to him, and you finally break, “i can’t close my eyes without seeing him die.”

he slows you both to a stop, cups your cheeks and tilts your head upwards so you can read his lips, “babygirl hummingbird, maybe what you need is to remind yourself that you saved him. he’s been waiting for you to come see him. i’m confident that neteyam won’t mind if all you do is sleep next to him, he’d be comforted knowing that you are safe too.”

you end up falling asleep in your father’s arms, getting carried the rest of the way back, and waking up the next morning cuddled up with neteyam

he’s playing with your hair, gently massaging you scalp as he talks with neytiri, a smile on his face, as he watches her prepare breakfast, being scolded when he offers to help

you make a soft questionable hum, and his head automatically turns to look at you, his smile turning into a smirk as he teases, “i heard you couldn’t fall asleep without me?” (RIZZ level 99)

you shove him away from you, cheeks turning indigo and you snark out a “shut the fuck up”

lo’ak and kirk dramatically losing their minds over you cursing in english, and tuk really overselling it with a “she said a bad word! she said bad word!” while jake and neytiri laugh and half heartedly scold you for your choice of words

both of you stick to each other as you eat breakfast, elbows and knees knocking together constantly but you two refuse to even allow a millimeter of space come between you

after everyone’s stomach’s are full, energies high, suddenly everyone is finding an excuse to leave you and neteyam alone in the tent, jake grounding you to bed rest for a few more days to recover from sleep deprivation

lo’ak’s like: “i gotta go walk my ikran real quick” did i say i love him already

before neytiri leaves she gives you a rundown of how to clean and monitor neteyam’s wounds (even though you’re capable of figuring it out yourself, being mo’at’s best student after kiri), but you let her to soothe her maternal instinct

finally alone, neteyam signs to you, “i was asking for you the moment i could speak again, but you never came to see me. i was beginning to accept the idea that you…that you didn’t care for me.” your head snaps up to make direct eye contact with him, tears clouding the dismayed look in your eyes (matching his own broken expression), vehemently shaking your head and you speak, your volume nearly reaching a yell, “do not think for a second that i do not care for you. that i do not need you anymore. like you are not my reason to fight for our lives here.”

neteyam who is stunned to silence not only at the borderline confession within your words but also at the traumatized look in your eyes that you are unable to hide, and you switch to signing, “i was the reason you died if you think about it. it was my idea for us to stay here and fight when we should have just listened to your dad and left! maybe you wouldn’t have been near death! maybe all of us would have never been found! maybe we could just be normal children again!”

neteyam places his hand on your cheek, and you raise your own to hold his wrist as you nuzzle deeper into his grasp and you lightly brush your lips against his palm. your eyes flicker to his own again and he brushes the tears off your lashes and comforts you, “but none of that happened. we made our decision, and your idea to stay here has saved us, saved me. while the sky people have not been ousted completely, we have pushed them back, only because of you and your brilliance. i live to see you grow and flourish because you are a strong warrior, strategist, healer, and more. and most of all, i am thankful you have saved me so i can stand by your side, if you allow me to…?”

you smile, fangs you have yet to grow completely into making you look a lil adorable, and sign the english phrase “i love you,” and you follow it up with an audible, “oel ngati kameie.”

neteyam with hearts for eyes, physically swooning for you, parrots your words and signs, voice velvety, “oel ngati kameie.”

© killakirby - piracy and plagiarism are not allowed. no reposts on any form of media.

[chynandri]

thoughts on code:realize so far. i really love the found family/friendship in this game. it doesn't feel like these guys are all your love interests but genuine friends who are written to show so much consideration toward mc. and mc has a pretty active role in the story. overall, i feel a good sense of equality between mc and the guys. I chose van helsing’s route first (I have some sort of accidental talent for choosing the most intense characters first lmao)

while i feel the pacing is a bit slow to actually get On to a guy's route, i can appreciate that they wanted to properly flesh out the story and each character to you and how they relate to mc. it's more of a slow burn with the aim of natural relationship progression i think.

van helsing's route (junichi suwabe <3) definitely made me cry a few times lol. van's life is... utterly miserable!! lol there really is a very thin thread between him living and just killing himself cuz god I WOULD if i had to do all the horrible things he did. but i think what this route does well is highlight the cruelty and immorality of the british royal government behind its veneer of sophistication and elegance which is - not too far off from reality. delacroix II is not usually the kind of character i like but, perhaps it's because aventurine is recent in my mind you can't help but feel so bad for the 'last of my kind' characters. they really got across how this is a deeply traumatized child trying to preserve what remains of his people, and a similarly traumatized adult who was forced to commit a massacre of that child's race and lost his own family too. god. they're both victims of the government and their only reason to live is for revenge otherwise there's nothing left... except for each other, and their new found family.

i didn't expect code:realize to get so dark but, this is the best part about otome games so far. the unexpected themes and depth is what i'm here for

But… the reveal that aleister was orchestrating all of van’s misery does kinda detract from possible commentary. He’s just some really messed up guy, also traumatized which probably broke him but like in all the wrong ways. I guess he too is a victim but it’s never really explained? First he said he killed his own family after the massacre, then he cites what sounds like an earlier incident of his family dying as what made him love despair? I’m a bit confused here. While it did add even higher stakes and angst, the lack of explicit explanation/logic for aleister being the twist villain does make the story weaker to me imo.

So in the end I’m not sure how well this sensitive topic is handled? Though van’s frustrating personality and trauma seems realistic even if it makes mc and van’s interactions a bit repetitive. And to me, within the story, it feels fair and most constructive that van lives on to atone for what he did by directly helping the vampire-human relations. And I think Delacroix’s conflicting feelings of wanting him to both die and live is understandable. Considering the vampire race are peaceful in this game, that seems in line with the ideals his father probably upheld.

I’m going on impey’s route now bc the types of characters that appeal to me truly are on two ends of a intensity spectrum lol. Silly guy or extreme suffering guy I like them all. But van’s route being overall so compelling and relevant to mc I do miss him a lot already lol 😔

[codenamesazanka]

What do you want shiggy to see?

This is going to be hard to answer because I dislike Deku and find much of his saving of Shigaraki so far extremely unconvincing. You should also ask someone who likes Deku, because I cannot properly give you a good, unbiased answer. I am sure the memories I will talk about will be ones that move Shigaraki in the near-future canon, but I'm seeing them through very negative light and will call it bad writing. And I am right. But I'll tell you what I personally think.

The thing is, when I made that post about Shigaraki's memories, it's because Deku barely knows anything about Shigaraki, because the 'Villain' label means nothing except 'horrible person i need to defeat'; barely knows what happens in the shadows that creates villains, which is why I want him to see Shigaraki's memories and understand why Shigaraki is so angry and in pain. And from that, how he can stop Shigaraki and give him hope, saving him.

Meanwhile, Shigaraki already knows Deku is a hero who wants to save him, is a Good Guy, loves his friends and teachers, wishes to do good in the world - that's just being a hero. He just rejects it. Shigaraki already knows the Hero System and how it works, and he hates it.

What is in store for Shigaraki is to be convinced by Deku that he should stop, that the world shouldn't be destroyed, and that he should regain hope, let his heart be saved and released from all that hatred and pain. So the memories he should see would be moments where he can be reassured of Deku's sincerity and determination to improve things, and moments where Deku experiences despair - something Shigaraki can relate to! - but Deku makes the choice to keep the world going anyways.

In the series, in this long process of Deku trying to save Shigaraki, there are few good moments - Deku being extremely stubborn about saving Shigaraki despite Shigaraki's taunts and Nana giving up, Deku telling Shigaraki somewhere inside of him is still a person - but overall Deku's journey getting there so far, and all the things he's doing at the moment? Imo, pretty terrible effort.

Like, what would Shigaraki even see? Well, he could see how when Gran Torino says "killing is saving", or when Heroes are discussing the "Coffin In The Sky" plan, Deku is silent. Offers zero objections.

Deku may want to save Shigaraki, but isn't willing to say so, isn't willing to speak up against others. He accepts Gran's cape, he sits and listens and goes along with the plan (that in Chapter 402 Shigaraki would end up saying he dislikes, "those jerks that hurt me over and over again").

Now, this might not seem like a big deal - you can say, Deku's just trying not to start a screaming match, he has to go along with what the adults says anyways, it's actions that matters more than words since Deku's still trying to save Shigaraki, isn't he?

But Shigaraki's childhood was full of this type of thing: his mom and grandparents trying to keep the peace, never speaking up for him against Kotarou even when Tenko isn't there, trying to comfort him with hugs and treats when out of sight of Kotarou to show that they actually do care... but never enough actually fight for him, even if it meant shaking the stability of the household.

After fighting Shigaraki to save him will come the need to fight for Shigaraki, against the rest of the Heroes and government and society. If Deku can't do that while he's got it in his mind to save Shigaraki, it doesn't ensure confidence.

Now it would be cool if Shigaraki sees this and calls it out! Force Deku to admit he hasn't been trying his best, but will do better. I don't expect it though.

Memories of Deku's accomplishments aren't actually much better. Deku has indeed saved someone who hates him and hates Heroes - that's Kouta, the five-year-old. Deku has saved Eri, the visibly sad and abused innocent six-year-old. So he's got a track record of saving Sad Children, which explains why he wants to save The Crying Child inside of Shigaraki, and that's a genuine thing Shigaraki can believe in... but what about the adults? The much more dangerous, jaded, have-gotten-their-hands-bloody Villains?

Shigaraki already thinks Gentle and Nagant are a "flip-flopping screw-ups." Deku's second encounter with Muscular has him asking Muscular like five questions, before giving up on him. So far Muscular and Shigaraki haven't been all that different in their taunting of Deku. There's also Overhaul that Deku meets again, and Deku is also uninterested in helping Overhaul who's worried for someone important to him until Overhaul expresses remorse. That's fair—except so far Shigaraki has also not expressed remorse.

The only difference between Shigaraki and these two villains is that Deku knows for sure there's sadness for Shigaraki due to the psychic bond, while he can't know that for Muscular or Overhaul, so he didn't pry deeper or go the extra mile for them. Shigaraki might not care about these two, but Shigaraki also hates hypocrisy. It's why he couldn't stand Stain and tore Overhaul's arms off and mocked ReDestro for staying up in a tower.

There is Aoyama. The scene where Deku says "Doing wrong doesn't make you a Villain for the rest of your life!" is good. That is a memory that Shigaraki can see and consider. It is made, imo, weaker when Deku gave conditions - that Aoyama hated and regretted working for All For One, that Nagant didn't 'sell her soul'. Because what if Shigaraki eventually did come to willingly work for AFO, and was even grateful to him, as he has explicitly said in the text? You can argue all you want about AFO manipulating Shigaraki - which Shigaraki himself acknowledges - but if there ever was a moment where Shigaraki enthusiastically participated in a crime, would Deku still stand by what he says about not being a Villain for life?

Again, it would be cool if Shigaraki sees this and ask Deku about it! Idk if that would happen though.

I think if we go back to memories from when and before the series begin, though, that's where I think we can find memories that Shigaraki can see and be swayed by.

Deku being a bullied quirkless child is a big one. What I want is Shigaraki seeing those things and adding it to his long list of 'everything i've witness in this world tells me it's shit' and being mean to Deku about it, because then this is something Deku can refute using his own experiences of injustice, alienation, and despair. This is something Deku can point to and say, 'Yeah, the world can suck, but don't give up.' Shigaraki finds the world not worth keeping around because he thinks it's rotten and there's no fixing it. Deku has seen part of this rot, but still thinks the world is worth defending. They should discuss that.

Related, that means the moment where Deku saves Bakugou who earlier that day told him to kill himself is also a good memory. Convincing argument that awful, angry brats can change, and is worth saving so they can stick around to change.

I am despite everything still a sap so Deku's memories of heartfelt moments with All Might would be good. This can make Shigaraki even more bitter and resentful towards All Might, but might show him that All Might is just a flawed human who tried and failed, something I think Shigaraki knows but refuses to forgive. Seeing it might nudge something though? Plus, the deep affection and loyalty between Deku and All Might - as well as between Deku and his friends - is something Shigaraki can relate to, with his League.

I'm likely missing lots of moments. But these are the ones that come to mind.

Thanks for the ask anon! Sorry.

[falcataa]

Doni (I) 

I think a lot about Doni, the little refugee tiefling that can't speak. I love tiefling children in BG3, but Doni is my special little hatchling. I imagine that while Tav plays a lot with the other refugee children in Act 1, Vardana (Tav’s sister) focuses on Doni because she likes shy and silent people like herself and understands that he has a deep trauma. Each time she arrives at the Hollow she goes directly to him to check how Doni is doing and gives him some food and supplies to make sure he is eating properly. She gives Rikka (Doni's guardian) a lot of resources to be sure they both have all they need. Then she spends some time around him, not necessarily doing anything, just taking care of him.

I also think Doni is special to Zevlor. Through the letter written by Doni to his dead father (we can find the letter in the Underdark), we know that Doni asks Zevlor about Elturel and their lost home, so I imagine the tiefling leader is really kind to the children, but especially to Doni.

The game suggests that Doni perishes in the Shadowlands (we don't see him again in Act 2 and 3 and Mirkon dialogue shows that some of his little friends are ‘lost’), but I don't accept this. I love this little one so much. 

So I imagine that, once the Netherbrain is defeated, Zevlor is living at Ilmater temple helping people in need and a new wave of refugees arrives in Rivington. Among them there is a little tiefling boy and the Hellrider recognizes him immediately: he is Doni!

The little child has found a way through the Shadowlands and Baldur’s Gate route, but he has several signs of violence in his body and mind. He is, in fact, malnourished and at his limits. 

Zevlor, feeling guilty for what happened, starts taking care of him personally, being around him in everlasting fever and nightmare nights and puts a lot of effort into Doni's recovery.

It happens that, being Kelemvor clerics, Vardana and Tav come from time to time to the Open Hand Temple to take care of people, to perform death rituals and to visit Zevlor (especially Vardana who has fallen head over heels for the former commander, but is so introverted about such topics that she is not going to make any move about it in her life). 

So Zevlor shows Doni to Vardana and she despairs trying to look after the little tiefling and does everything she can so Doni could get ahead and recover.

(Sorry for misspellings and mistakes in this humble post)

[somekindofsentience]

trans dreamscape sunny (PtA), or discussing how to properly change a protagonist to an antagonist

SPOILER WARNING: THIS ANALYSIS SPOILS ALL OF DREAMSCAPE UP TO CHAPTER 15!!! YES THERES A NEW CHAPTER!! GO READ IT!! NOW

I also spoil Omori, Danganronpa 2/Danganronpa 3: Despair Arc and the School for Good and Evil in my discussions. If you haven't read/seen these, I've tried to explain them enough so that they are understandable without needing to.

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF ABUSE AND IMPLIED SUICIDE

Strap in, this one is long.

Throughout Dreamscape, we can slowly see Sunny morph from the protagonist to the antagonist. Perhaps this is most prevalent in the latest Chapter - but really, it's been happening all along, and we just didn't notice it.

This isn't the most common trope, and when it does exist, it often isn't written well. Naturally, an author wants a reader to sympathise when their protagonist, follow them on their goals, and feel their emotions, which means they slip into writing a naïve antagonist, or some similar trait that downplays the villainous one.

While this seems obviously good from a reader standpoint - you get to suffer just a bit less - it makes for relatively repetitive writing. Every good guy has to remain good, regardless of the events that occur, even in potentially illogical situations, they remain chained to an obsessive moral compass.

A proper transition from a protagonist to an antagonist, regardless of whether their goals remain relatively the same or completely change, is a wholehearted switch in mindset and understanding of self.

I personally love this trope, I have an entire anime planned around manipulating the reader (as usual, it sits in my brain and I do nothing with it), and I think Dreamscape is maybe one of the best examples of this trope I've seen yet.

First, some slight historical backstory that I feel is relevant. There are several theories as to why the concept of Good vs Evil exists, and it's a big discussion within philosophy. Are human morals innate, or taught? Some speculate religion started this, but some believe morals were taught within society, and some think they were innate to humanity, logically formed from evolutionary group survival.

In classic Greek tragedies, the "hero" exists as a tragic hero with a fatal flaw, often existing as the antagonist to their own story. These acted as moral warnings for their audience, an understanding of how a single villainous trait can cause mass death and destruction. Here we can see the existence of a protagonist and antagonist within the same character, greying out their moral compass.

As time goes on, we begin to understand that humanity itself is morally grey, artists will continue to write this into story. Good works can make us question morality itself, tackling loopholes in our understanding of the world.

why do characters make that transition?

There are several understandings a protagonist can make in order to transition to an antagonist, and typically it's a change in their understanding of self. Whereas protagonists are often fighting against a major power or the world around them, to become an antagonist means to discover something about yourself that likens you to evil.

For example, in The School for Good and Evil, we see Sophie, who's demonstrated to us that she is 'Good' over the opening chapters, immediately reject her set role as "Evil". With the status as "protagonist and antagonist" being known to the characters, it allows them to react to their own true nature and respond accordingly.

In the second book, Sophie attempts to reject her status as antagonist yet again, only to be abused into embracing it and setting out (with her shitty wimp husband) to destroy morality itself. Here, Sophie comes to a realisation about her own existence - her mother was never truly a good person, but rather, a horrible woman who abused magic to have a child with her father. Sophie learns she was an unwanted child from the beginning, and her mother was never the idol Sophie needed her to be.

In the Despair Arc of Danganronpa, Hajime Hinata is talentless in a world where talent means everything. He hates this about himself, and chooses to undergo human experimentation in order to feel good enough about himself. During this, he completely loses his personality, and becomes a weapon of a human who is used to completely destroy the world - Izuru Kamukura.

Unfortunately, Danganronpa 2 falls Hajime into the naïve antagonist trope at the end, where he is unknowing of everything his alter ego did to the world. As is the nature of these tropes, the ending implies him and the group attempting to fix everything they broke with the second chance at life they were given.

As an antagonist mutates, a protagonist must also develop to move the plot forward. In the School for Good and Evil, this is Agatha, who must learn to embrace her "set" role as princess; and as a doomed narrative, the Despair Arc has no true protagonist, since no-one was ever going to win. Instead, Hajime himself redeems his character in the second game, going against Izuru Kamukura.

In both of these examples, the characters discover or inherently have a self-loathing trait, which is the trait that they embrace when they become "evil". They try to change this, but either get more than what they ask for, or the truth comes out eventually.

why is Sunny a good character to abuse this for?

Perhaps the main reason why Sunny is a good character to use the protagonist to antagonist transition is because this exists in the original game, where Omori morphs into the ultimate antagonist, from the original "good guy" he was at the beginning.

Being in a game format, Omori has the ability to win, which differs it from the previous examples. SGE has no player choice in the events, and you can't really "lose" Danganronpa 2, at least not in the way where the protagonist-to-antagonist wins the scenario.

However, Omori's goals can be completely understood and also succeed. I wrote about this in my analysis of the game endings, Omori is acting as any brain does under that amount of pressure - despite being counter-intuitive, it is a self-protective measure. You can understand why he has become the final boss, why he does the things he does, because he's a reflection of severe trauma and guilt.

Like the previous examples, Omori is not only inherently self-loathing, but the personification of self-hate. He isn't the manifestation of everything Sunny hates about himself, but rather, the manifestation of what Sunny could be, who loathes the real Sunny for everything he did.

Sunny himself, however, is the protagonist who takes Omori's place, as the player loses touch with Omori's goals. This leaves him open for further destruction of mental state. I've always liked the concept of headspace "coming back", or existing in a different form that allows Sunny to make that antagonist transition.

Well, here we are.

why does Dreamscape do this well?

Within Dreamscape, Sunny's goals were made somewhat known to the reader, but the extent of them isn't until the most recent chapter - where we also discover a major player into why he wants this, which is his father's physical and emotional abuse, all because he isn't Mari, and isn't perfect.

It's true that the existence of "reviving Mari" has been known to the reader since about the beginning. You can read between the lines in the first chapter and understand what he wants from there, but the narrative tricks you into believing Sunny simply wants to apologise to Mari, when in reality, that wasn't his goal at all.

Over time, we have seen a slow shift in the way narrative perspective is used in the fic, which subtly foreshadowed Sunny's transition. As the reader became less and less able to empathise with Sunny's goals, we lost the ability to see the world from his perspective, and understand his thoughts and feelings. Sunny is unreachable - both by the other character perspectives, but also the reader themself.

It was possible to see the signs that Mari would take over Sunny's body, but I falsely believed that this would be from Mari's control alone, not considering the idea that Sunny might have wanted this all along. The reveal about Sunny's father was a jaw-drop - but it made sense within the context of the narrative.

Hero exists as the current "protagonist", at least to some extent, but Aubrey-Kel-Basil also exist as a hero, when composite. Both parties have different purposes for wanting to save/destroy Sunny - Hero has to hold up his deal with Candace (although I believe his goals are changing, to what I'm not sure), whereas the Sunny Simp Squad just want their friend back, regretting their neglect of him.

Now, where is this going to lead us? Sunny/Mari is likely going to become a "main boss" of some sort, and the Sunny Simp Squad are in the process of trying to shut down the virus from inside the game. However, considering the fact that we are barely halfway through the fic, the chances of the goals of the characters changing are incredibly high.

There's been some implication that Basil is the focus of Arc 3, which possibly changes where Arc 2 is going to end. Hero is in an incredibly unstable state at the moment, and due to his attachment to Mari, he might genuinely slip into a supporting antagonist - it comes down to whether or not his morals and care for Sunny outweigh his love for Mari, and I'm starting to think they don't.

didya like my trans joke in the title?

omori dreamscape au by @omoriboii, tis very good.

anyyyywayyy, song i wrote this to: villain by Teniwoha

"XとかYとか~", such an iconic gender song. i felt the title and trans themes were fitting for this analysis.