#deserve this JAMES doesn’t deserve this remus’ gay boyfriend sirius doesn’t deserve this!!

[steelycunt]

saw someone talking about how their otp is remus/lily and i had to rage quit and come directly to tumblr like ridi will heal me xx

[aidanchaser]

Title: Roots Rating: M for Mature (its just a hasty, not-quite-explicit-but-more-than-implicit railway blow) Tags: Wolfstar, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU, Non-Magical AU, Sirius struggles with his trauma response Word Count: 5.2K Summary: Sirius isn’t angry that Evans knows he and Remus are together, not really. But James had no right to out them like that, and he doesn’t know how they’ll overcome this.

Technically a sequel to Accidental Reindeer, but only in that this is the direct consequences of James accidentally outing Sirius in that fic.

Read Roots on Ao3 or below.

Sirius has always loved watching Remus sleep. He’s not entirely sure why he loves it. Maybe it's because it feels like glimpsing a secret. While Sirius is content to nap on couches, trains, or even park benches, Remus almost never sleeps where people can see him.

But he’s sleeping now as they make their way back to London, and Sirius stares at him with the barest hint of a smile across his lips. Sirius’ smiles are as rare as Remus’ naps but this is just how they are in each other’s company. They trade secrets the way other lovers exchange flowers or chocolates.

Sirius tears his eyes away from Remus’ delicate, pale lashes tucked against a cheek decorated in a thin silver slash of a scar to check his phone.

There are no new notifications, but he stares, not for the first time, at James’ unanswered texts. Beneath a lengthy apology, there’s a wary olive branch of, Happy Christmas followed by an overly enthusiastic and probably desperate Happy New Year! one week later, but Sirius has answered neither.

He can’t avoid James forever. James will most likely be waiting for them at the flat when they get back. Hell, knowing James, he might even be waiting on the platform for them.

But Sirius is still angry with James for the incident with Evans.

If he thinks about it—if he really sits down and thinks about his relationship with Evans, whatever that is exactly—he doesn’t mind that she knows he and Remus are together. He doesn’t mind that she knows he’s gay. But it wasn’t James’ secret to share, and Sirius is so protective of his secrets.

He’s not embarrassed or ashamed; it’s the opposite, really. Sirius has, ever since he was a child, intentionally hidden all the best parts of himself. He buries a tender heart under the roar of a motorcycle. He buries his unshakeable loyalty under harsh, cutting swears. He buries his love for his friends and Remus under layers of thick skin and carefully sharpened barbs.

James, Remus, and Peter have all, in intonations ranging from tender to desperate, asked him why he’s such an arsehole all the time, and he doesn’t really have an answer. At least, not a real answer. He’s buried that truth so deeply that even he can’t reach it.

Remus stirs and Sirius tucks his phone away.

“Good morning, princess,” Sirius teases.

Remus blanches at the endearment and rubs his eyes. “How long was I asleep?”

“About an hour. We’re nearly to Swansea.”

“You shouldn’t have let me sleep that long.”

Sirius allows himself another rare, tender smile. “You needed it.”

Remus looks out the window at the early, winter sunset, but he doesn’t argue. For what should have been a relaxing holiday, Remus did not get the rest that he deserved.

But they both knew it would be a hard and uncomfortable trip. They’ve been putting off introducing Sirius to Remus’ father for a long time, and finally, they couldn’t keep ignoring it.

The holiday was not nearly as awful as Sirius could have imagined. Sirius had more experience in the yelling and throwing things department of terrible coming out stories. Lyall Lupin wasn’t that at all. But Lupin also wasn’t the Potters, who embraced him with open arms and bought him condoms and books on safe sex.

Lupin was, like Remus, a quiet man who grew deeply uncomfortable when confronted with something new. His son bringing home his boyfriend for Christmas certainly wasn’t something he had familiarity with. There were several long, silent meals, and very stilted questions about university and what it was like living in London. Lupin offered Sirius the sofa on the first night and Remus said, with a weariness built on a lifetime of unsaid arguments, “Sirius and I will fit in my room just fine.”

Except they didn’t fit just fine. After one night fighting for space in the same twin-sized bed Remus has been using since childhood, Sirius opted for the floor. He and Remus don’t have much in common, but they share a stubborn streak, and the sofa was never going to be an option for either of them.

The holiday wasn’t unpleasant, all things considered. It was just so much quieter than Sirius was used to. And he knows very well how the pressure of tiptoeing around arguments and double-checking before stealing kisses wears a person down. He knows that Lupin wouldn’t swing at Remus like Sirius’ father might have, if he had caught Sirius buried in another boy’s neck, but Remus still wanted to avoid any discomfort all the same, because that’s just who Remus is, and Sirius could understand that.

Sirius could also understand—though he couldn’t share in it—that being home for Christmas would have opened up Remus’ buried grief, and that had to be exhausting.

While Sirius buries all the better parts of himself and flaunts his bad habits like the final sale items in a shuttering shop, Remus displays only his very best habits on carefully dusted shelves and buries his anger, his grief, and even his desire in the coldest, darkest of cellars.

Sirius pulls Remus’ hand up to his lips and kisses it gently.

Remus finally turns away from the window and back to Sirius. His cheeks are flushed and warm. “What’s that for?” he asks, a tiny smile just barely tugging on his thin, pink lips.

“Nothing.” But Sirius is thinking of how that smile looks so much like the woman in the picture frames that decorate Lupin’s mantlepiece.

He doesn’t know the details of how Remus’ mother passed away, but he knows it was full of lengthy hospital stays and untested treatments. He knows that her illness is one of several reasons Remus hates hospitals. Remus’ own medical history is another.

Remus’ hazel eyes are still cloudy with sleep as Sirius pulls him in for a proper kiss. Sirius knows he can’t kiss away either of their bad memories, but he’s willing to try. Diving into endeavours he knows will be fruitless and kicking desperately against a current that will always carry him out to sea are two of Sirius’ favourite flaws that he likes to polish and pin to the collar of his leather jacket.

They’re the flaws that both pushed him into Remus and forced them apart. Sirius and Remus were happy to flirt, to tease, until one day, after a brief and unexpected kiss, they both realised that it wasn’t teasing and it never had been the joke they pretended it was. Things could have been easy after that, but neither Remus nor Sirius knew how to make things easy. They fell apart instantly, terrified of what the reality of their feelings meant for vastly different reasons.

Sirius ran because he was too afraid to ruin Remus. Sirius was the sort who kicked down the towers that people like Remus built, and he loved Remus too much to risk that. Remus fled from his feelings because Remus believed he deserved to be alone and could not admit that love was an option for him.

They might never have spoken a word to each other again if James and Peter hadn’t sat them down one cold November night and insisted that they sort it out, because they were tired of living with flatmates as frigid as the goddamn Arctic circle.

The same deadly combination of recklessness and fear that kept Sirius from Remus is what keeps him from texting James.

Sirius surges into Remus with new ferocity, like this kiss might clear his head and make the pain of James’ breach of trust go away, and Remus, as if he knows what Sirius is trying to do, pulls back against the window. His eyes are no longer clouded with sleep.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asks.

“Nothing,” Sirius says, but lies are another of his flaws that he brandishes like the bruises he used to wear to school each morning, as if surviving his mother was a badge of honour.

Remus looks down his angular nose at Sirius’ dark, needy gaze. Sirius watches indecision flicker in Remus’ dark green eyes before Remus goes back in for another kiss. Sirius wonders if it’s a good sign or a bad sign that Remus doesn’t press him. Is it good because he allows Sirius this peace? Or is it bad, because he knows Sirius is lying and he chooses to avoid conflict and take the path of least resistance, like he would with his father?

But Sirius doesn’t worry about it for long. It’s hard to worry about much of anything when Remus’ fingers slide across the thin cotton of his t-shirt, towards his belt, and brush the barest scrap of skin along his hips. Warmth blooms in Sirius’ chest, and he doesn’t have enough foresight to think that they’re on a train, and they’re in public, and this is all highly inappropriate. Those aren’t the sorts of things Sirius thinks about.

Remus, however, thinks about them plenty. When Sirius slides his hands to Remus’ jumper and tries to pull it over Remus’ head, Remus pulls away. His face is red, much like Sirius’ must be, and the smile on his face looks a little impish. It’s Sirius’ favourite smile of Remus’ wide range, from the intensely sarcastic to the soft and tender.

Sirius gets to his feet and tugs at Remus’ hand. “Come on.”

Remus leans back into his seat. “Don’t be silly. We’ll get thrown off the train.”

“I’ll see you in three minutes,” Sirius says, and hurries down the aisle.

Remus shakes his head, but Sirius goes anyway. He knows Remus will follow. Maybe not in three minutes. Maybe five or ten or maybe even twelve just to really make Sirius wait for it, but Remus will come. The reckless part of Remus is never buried very deep, as much as Remus might try to hide it. It was the first flaw James and Sirius were able to tease out of him when they all moved in together. Remus may be quiet, but it's Peter who’s really the cautious one. Not that it mattered; after a few months, James and Sirius wore Peter down, too.

It’s seven minutes before the door to the train’s small bathroom slides open and Remus presses himself against Sirius. And it’s only two more minutes before Sirius has, despite the cramped quarters, manoeuvred Remus against the tiny sink and unzipped his trousers.

Remus breaks away from the increasingly desperate kisses and tips his head back against the flimsy mirror. The reflection of his ashen hair shudders. “That better not be from your trousers pocket,” he says, as Sirius tears open a condom.

“You know me better than that by now.” Sirius pats the inside pocket of his leather jacket, where he always keeps a few condoms on hand, especially for moments like this.

Sirius was not always safe when it came to sex. He knew he was bent by the time he turned thirteen and he took just the same stupid risks with meeting those needs as he did with anything else in his life. He had certainly never given a blowjob with a condom on until he met Remus, who insisted on caution like it was the bread and butter of getting off.

But reckless as Sirius is, he understands Remus’ need for care, and no longer protests or pushes.

Remus cards his fingers through Sirius’ long, dark hair as Sirius lowers his lips. There’s nothing possessive in it today. Remus’ touch is tender and gentle, and once upon a time, Sirius might have flinched. This time, he leans into Remus’ hand and slides Remus’ pants down just far enough.

There is not much room to kneel, but Sirius slots himself between Remus’ legs with the efficiency of an eager hound in search of a bone. He considers teasing it out, making Remus beg for it, but he knows that, desperate as they both are after a fairly celibate week, this offer of a blow in a train bathroom is about all Remus has to give him.

So Sirius is quick, leans on years of practice, and thinks he has set a new record for Remus. He almost wishes he had timed it, just to have something to tease Remus with for the rest of their trip.

As Sirius discards the condom behind the flimsy metal rubbish lid, Remus eyes him with a rather disappointed expression.

“I expected a bit of flare,” Remus mutters as he slides off the sink and rezips his trousers.

“You can return the favour on our next train,” Sirius offers with a wolfish grin.

Remus cocks one pale eyebrow and there’s a challenge in his eyes that makes Sirius’ heart flutter in a feverish pitch.

But Remus says nothing. He slips out of the bathroom and hurries back to their empty seats. Sirius waits for a few moments, probably not as long as he ought to wait, before hurrying after Remus.

He sinks into the seat beside Remus and watches Remus check his notifications. James’ texts nag at the back of Sirius’ mind, but he sets it aside. He isn’t going to bother with it just yet.

He leans his head against Remus’ shoulder, sinking into the scratchy wool of Remus’ jumper. Remus sighs, and carefully adjusts to put his arm around Sirius’ shoulder. He runs his long, pale fingers over Sirius’ shoulder, soft pads of his hands creaking against the worn, black leather of Sirius’ jacket.

“James is worried about you,” Remus says.

All the thrill of what they’ve done and the excitement that he might tease it out of Remus one more time leaves Sirius at once. He feels cold, as if Remus had stripped him suddenly and his shoulders stiffen under Remus’ arm.

“Are you texting him?”

“No.”

Remus is a good liar. He says he doesn’t lie to Sirius—not anymore, anyway—and Sirius trusts him, most days. Right now, though, doubt claws its way up Sirius’ throat. His hand twitches with the desire to snatch Remus’ phone and read through his conversations.

“Then why do you think he’s worried?”

“Evans said so. She’s worried too.”

“You and Evans talk now?”

“Sometimes. Mostly about murder.”

Sirius isn’t sure what to do with that statement. He knows that it’s supposed to be witty, but he also knows it’s a joke he’s on the outside of, and it makes his skin prickle.

“You should talk to James,” Remus says.

“I’ll see him when we get home.”

“But will you talk to him?”

The dreary Welsh coastline confronts Sirius’ suddenly sour mood. All orange slivers of sunset have faded, and soon the coast will be nothing but darkness, with no distinction between land, sea, and sky. They could’ve had a grand trip back, making up for lost time and lost kisses, but Remus has decided to ruin it by bringing up James.

“Yeah, we’ll talk,” Sirius grumbles, but it doesn't feel honest, and Remus’ sharp, almost scolding look doesn't fade. His pale green eyes are still hard as he evaluates Sirius.

“We will,” Sirius repeats, attempting to be earnest and eager, but it falls flat.

“I know you like to hold grudges. Don't hold this one, please,” Remus says. “You and James won’t survive that.”

Sirius isn't quite sure what Remus means by that, so he ignores it. He closes his eyes and settles heavily against Remus until they have to disembark. Sirius gallantly offers to take Remus’ bags, mostly because Remus’ arm is filled to the breaking point with pins and needles and is little more than dead weight for about the next half hour. But once they’ve boarded their next train and are on their way to London, Sirius’ gallantry gives way to recklessness once again.

“You owe me,” Sirius says.

Remus does not look up from his phone. “I thought it was a gift.”

“But you promised to return the favour.”

“I promised nothing. In fact, I think I offered to take care of it right then and there, but you refused.”

“Please?” Sirius is so rarely polite and this finally gets Remus to look up from his phone.

“All right,” Remus says, but doesn’t put his phone down nor move towards the bathroom. “You can have a blow now, if you like, or you can wait until we get home and I’ll promise you a full hour of attention.”

Sirius has never been good with delayed gratification. “Why can’t I have both?”

“Because my time is a valuable thing. I only have so much to give you.”

Sirius considered the choices. “Two hours tonight.”

“One.”

“Three hours?”

Though it was the opposite of a compromise, Remus tapped his phone against his chin thoughtfully. “Two and a half hours if you talk to James.”

“Remus, I am not a toddler you can bribe into behaving with sex like it’s sweets.”

“Three hours if you talk to James.”

Three hours is a bit much; one of them will likely fall asleep before Remus’ valuable time runs out, but Sirius at least appreciates the principle of the promise. “Fine.”

Sirius leans heavily against Remus’ shoulder and props his boots up near the carriage window. There’s not enough room for him to stretch out properly, but he makes himself fit anyway, even if it pushes against Remus a bit. Remus doesn’t seem to mind.

He opens up his messages to James again. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say. Ask for an apology? He thinks he’s owed one, but an apology can’t undo what’s been said and done. Evans can’t unknow what she knows.

“Please don’t,” Remus sighs, and Sirius realises he’s been bouncing his leg against the wall.

“Sorry.” Sirius tucks his phone back into his pocket and sits up. His leg keeps bouncing, moving to the rhythm of some internal force that Sirius cannot name nor control. He taps his fingers against the armrest. He slouches and puts his feet up on of the chair in front of him. That, too, is dissatisfying and he sits up again.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he says abruptly. “I’ll take the blow now.”

Remus does not even look at him. “Walk. You’ll feel better.”

“It’s three hours to London. I’d pace this car a million times before we get there.”

“So walk slow.”

Sirius falls back against the seat with an exasperated sigh. He knows he’s being difficult. He can feel it in his chest, but the reckless animal that lives inside him is too loud, like a disobedient dog, who would like nothing more than to root through the trash in search of something exciting to play with.

It’s not even a blow job that he wants. He just wants a distraction.

“What are you reading?” he asks Remus, and leans against him as if Remus’ shoulder were the new back of his seat.

Remus, to Sirius’ disappointment, remains unperturbed. “Call James,” he says, and Sirius slides so far down into his seat he is practically on the floor.

He looks up at Remus, hoping Remus at least has the sense to be embarrassed by Sirius’ tantrum, but Remus isn’t even looking at him.

Sirius pulls his phone out of his pocket with an agony akin to tearing his own nails from their beds. He doesn’t want to do this. He needs to do this. Remus is right, as always, but Sirius loves being wrong.

He skims back to the initial blow up. The texts that contained James’ profuse apology, that it had all been an accident, that he’s sorry, that he knows how much and why this hurts Sirius, and he’s so sorry. It doesn’t feel like enough.

“Why can’t I just take the blow now?” Sirius asks.

Remus does not look up from his phone.

With a groan like a dying animal, Sirius calls James.

James answers on the first ring. “Everything all right?” His voice is breathless almost, full of an energy that might be excitement or nerves. Maybe it’s both.

“Remus has promised me three hours of his undivided attention if I call you,” Sirius says. He watches Remus for a reaction, but Remus doesn’t so much as twitch with a frown or a smile.

“Ah,” James says. “And we both know how valuable Remus’ time is.”

Sirius slides fully onto the floor and turns so that his feet are up against the seat and he has a clear view of Remus’ face. “I suppose he wants me to tell you that it’s fine and all and we’re still friends.”

James hesitates. “It’s okay that it’s not fine,” he finally says. “I mean, it is fine, really. Lily doesn’t mind. You know, she even helped me realise that I’m bi.”

Sirius freezes like a dog catching a scent, but it’s not James’ bisexual awakening that interests him. “Sorry, do you mean Evans?”

“Er—yeah, Evans doesn’t mind. So it’s fine, but it’s also okay that it’s not fine with me, you know. You’ve every right to be mad at me, but I am sorry. I would never have done it on purpose.”

“Why are you calling her Lily?”

This catches Remus’ attention. He glances over his phone and down to Sirius. His thin brow creases ever so slightly and he leans forward in an attempt to listen in.

Sirius doesn’t put the phone on speaker. He’s cavalier and rude, but he knows better than to have a loud conversation on a train. He does, though, turn the volume up and tip the phone away from his ear so Remus can have a better listen.

“We spent the week together and became better friends,” James said. “I mean, she’s been calling my parents by their first names all week. It felt wrong that she and I weren’t on the same terms.”

But James sounds flustered and Sirius can’t help but laugh. “You shagged Evans?”

Remus tries to shush him, but Remus is laughing, too, albeit not quite so loudly.

“Well—there was some mistletoe,” James manages, and Sirius breaks into a new fit of laughter.

“Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. No wonder you’ve hardly bothered to text.”

“Remus said you needed space! I would’ve texted—I wanted to text. I am sorry, Sirius, please, don’t be upset with me or Mum.”

“What’s your Mum got to do with it?”

“Mum was lamenting about you growing up and finding your own family. I was only building on her joke and that’s how Lil—Evans found out.”

All of Sirius anger seems to compress in his chest until its nothing but a tiny spot behind his ribcage. “Well I can’t be mad at your mum,” he grunts. If Euphemia Potter outed him to Lily Evans, that’s entirely different than James. He doesn’t know why it’s different, exactly.

“Mum would understand if you were.”

Sirius doesn’t say anything. He stares up at the ceiling of the train car, struggling to parse what exactly he is feeling. He’s not sure what’s changed, suddenly, but it’s like all the anger and agitation he had been consumed by has been dumped out the moving train.

“You all right?” James asks.

“Yeah,” Sirius says, but he feels a million miles away.

“I am sorry. And you’ve got every right to be mad at me.”

“I know.” But Sirius isn’t quite sure what to say. He’s rather grateful when Remus pulls the phone from his hand and puts it to his own ear.

“James?” Remus says. “We’ll see you when we get home.”

Sirius can’t hear James’ reply, and he doesn’t want to, exactly. He’s having a hard enough time parsing his own thoughts and doesn’t have the capacity to parse James’ thoughts, too.

Remus sets the phone aside and reaches down to pull Sirius back up into his seat. He doesn’t complain, though, when Sirius slouches so that his head is in Remus’ lap and his feet are propped against the window.

“Are you mad at Mrs Potter?” Remus asks.

“I don’t think so,” Sirius says. He’s not sure there is a name for what he’s feeling. It’s not bad, exactly, it’s just unfamiliar.

“You’re upset that James would just tell Evans that we’re together, but you’re not upset that his mum would?”

“I dunno. It’s the way she said it, isn’t it? Like she called you my family. I…” Sirius drums his fingers against his chest, like they can press down whatever is trying to push its way out. He and Remus haven’t been together all that long, and meeting Remus’ father had been a big step for them. But even then, he’s not sure that’s the part that’s giving him this strange feeling.

The feeling in his chest wells up into tears before he can quite understand why. But he realises, quite suddenly, that of course he’s not upset with Euphemia Potter. For her to casually mention that she misses him like he was her own son, for her to casually include Remus as his new family without any hesitation nor criticism—he’s not angry with her. He’s overwhelmed by how much she loves him and every time he is overwhelmed by how much Euphemia loves him he is also stung by how much his own mother doesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, and sits up before Remus can tell him not to. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes in an attempt to control his tears. He wants to bury them down again. He wants to just be grateful for what he has rather than hurt by what he can’t.

It’s been ten years since he left home and longer than that since he realised his parents would never love him. But it still hurts. It’s still the thing that pushes him into every stupid, reckless decision he’s ever made.

Remus leans against him. His weight helps, like it can push out everything that aches inside Sirius.

“Do you remember when you accidentally outed me to Severus?” Remus murmurs and Sirius tenses.

Of course he remembers. He’s replayed that moment a thousand times, regretting every second of it.

It was only a little cut on Remus’ hand, hardly bigger than a paper cut, but Severus was just so rude about it and Sirius wasn’t able to help himself. He knew, even as he said it, he shouldn’t have, but Sirius always tumbled headfirst into bad decisions. There was nothing to stop him as he blithely suggested that Severus was welcome to a bit of Remus’ blood and all the consequences that came with it.

Remus had hit Sirius to shut him up. It’s the only time Sirius has ever seen Remus come close to violence, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Sirius immediately wished he could unsay what he had said. It didn’t matter that, honestly, after so many years of his life on medication, Remus’ HIV wasn’t even transmissible. The damage had been done.

“James is the one who encouraged me to forgive you,” Remus said. “He loves you, a lot, and he convinced me to love you, too. I want you to forgive James because James is good for you. I don’t want you to let this take him from you.”

“I’m not mad at James,” Sirius mutters. “And I wasn’t, not really.” He should have been able to trust James, to trust Evans from the beginning. This fight wasn’t because they had done something wrong, not really. This fight was, as every stupid thing he’s ever done has always been, because of how Sirius’ parents had hurt him years ago. It’s always his anger with his mother that roils in his core, like a fire that refuses to be extinguished. It’s always the hurt in his heart because she couldn’t love him that pushes him to do something stupid, something rash, in an attempt to forget just how much he hurts. And he hates that he can’t seem to move on from it.

He hates the way it lingered at the edges of his trip to visit Remus’ father, a lingering fear that won’t abate. He hates the way it has torn this rift between him and his best friend. He hates the way it won’t even allow him to accept Euphemia’s love and grace.

It doesn’t matter how far he runs, he’s never quite going to be free of his mother.

“Can you tell me what hurts?” Remus asks, like Sirius can point to a bruise or a broken bone.

And Sirius can’t, but Remus has known him long enough that he doesn’t have to say much. “It’s the same thing that always hurts,” he says.

He and Remus don’t have much in common, but they share this: a single fear that hangs in their blood and bones like a curse. Remus’ fear is more intimately tied to his blood than Sirius’ is, but Sirius does not think he could wrench his pain out of his chest anymore easily than Remus could bleed his veins dry.

Remus pulls one of Sirius’ hands away from his face and laces their fingers together. He squeezes, like the pressure can take off some of the edge of Sirius’ pain and it does, at least a bit.

“I’m sorry,” Remus murmurs. “I should’ve known.”

Sirius should have known, too. He should’ve been able to identify it when it had first flared up during his exchange with Evans before Christmas Eve. It shouldn’t have taken him over a week to draw out the roots of his hurt. He’d just been living with them for so long and the roots went so deep it was easy to forget they were there until he tripped over them.

And the worst part of it all is that there is nothing he can do about it except pray that someday it won’t hurt so much.

He bites down on his lip and looks at Remus’ fingers intertwined with his own. Maybe the best way to get rid of old roots is to plant new growth.

He squeezes Remus’ hand.

“So, Evans and James?” he asks with a shaky laugh.

Remus hesitates, gauging how helpful a distraction would be in this moment. Then he gives in with a smile. “I can’t believe it took them this long.”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“You didn’t notice?”

“They snipe at each other constantly.”

“They’ve been flirting like kindergarteners since they met.”

“How can you tell the difference?”

“Because you flirted with me the same way for a while.”

Sirius buries his face in his hand again, this time to hide a blush. He’s never been good at displaying the best parts of himself, but Remus is so good at teasing it out of him anyway.

Remus presses a kiss to his cheek then gropes for his phone with his free hand. Sirius can hear the soft click of the touch-keypad and glances at Remus’ screen just before he sends the message clicks the screen dark again.

To: Prongs You might want to stay with Evans tonight. I think we’ll be a bit more than the three hours I promised.

New growth, Sirius reminds himself, and turns his head to kiss Remus. He’ll text James again before they get home, to assure him that this won’t tear them apart. He’ll text Evans, too, to let her know it’s all right, and to tease her about sleeping with James.

Right now, though, he’s content to sit with Remus. It still hurts, all of it, but it hurts a little less knowing Remus will sit through it with him.

[someonesrealityshifting]

The Infantilization of Sirius Black is Rooted in Homophobia and Fetishization

(This is mildly aggressive and pointed towards people who are asshats about this ship not people who agree with me luv ya <3)

It’s very simple, really.

Straight people (and some queer people, we’re flawed, too) look at Sirius Black and see a gay man with long hair. What’s the stereotype of a short, skinny lil gay boi? Twink. Then, they look at Remus, a tall, skinny, academic type (primarily because of how he dresses), and assume he must be the smart one, he must be the levelheaded one.

In reality, Sirius has severe trauma. He’s the levelheaded one because what else could he be? He had no other option. He also has no clue how to talk about his feelings.

In reality, Remus is quite literally a werewolf. He has a massive amount of trouble controlling his emotions. There are too many hormones raging through his body at any given moment for him to know how to function properly.

Y’all wanna talk “twink!Sirius”? This man had a motorcycle, and not only that, a completely unique and personalized , specifically engineered to fit his needs. We learned with the Weasleys that it’s not as simple as putting a flight charm on something, and it was a flying motorcycle. He built it to suit him. He wore leather and combat boots and smoked constantly and swore like a sailor. He was covered in tattoos. He’s the perfect dark romance man that we’re all so hung up on. Yes, he had a fruity lil jacket in OOTP, we get it. But that one jacket is not his entire personality.

You wanna talk about “academic!Remus”? He broke every rule. This dude told his friends about him being a werewolf, knowing it could very well lead to his or their deaths. He brought a boggart to a school. His remedy for everything was chocolate. He wore sweaters because they were comfy and because he was always in pain, not because he was studious. He was the brains behind every great Marauders’ prank. He didn’t play sports, he just got in trouble all the time. He wasn’t “meant to be a Ravenclaw,” he was meant to be Gryffindor because he was strong, and brave, and sarcastic. He’s pretty much just a brunet Weasley twin.

The root of this is in stereotypes; “oh, he’s short, that makes him the chaotic uwu twink 🥰”. “Oh, he’s taller than his boyfriend, he’s the smart one who controls his bf 🥹”. It’s a crock of shit and you know it.

“Oh, but in Prisoner of Azkaban-“ Yes, Prisoner of Azkaban was different. They both wanted Peter dead. But Remus had spent years trying to figure out if Sirius was innocent. Sirius had spent years being tortured. Their experiences those 12 years were very, very different. Remus had thought this all through before hand, and still managed to forget the most important thing- a binding spell. Sirius, on the other hand, was on the verge of madness, the only thought in his mind being, “gotta save Harry, have to save Harry, I’ve gotta save James- I mean Harry.” He had no other brain capacity, that moment does not define him.

Besides, even if he were a femboy, why does that immediately mean he’s some dumb, giggly lil guy? Femboys are capable of great duality. Again I say, the motorcycle. You all love to act like Sirius was the only one wearing crop tops and platforms and completely forget that it was literally the ‘70s. Like they were men in the ‘70s. They were all your modern idea of ‘twinks’ because you stereotype every fucking thing.

There is more to these characters than their gayness, canon or otherwise. And there is more to them than their aesthetics, too. Remus Lupin was not the smartest of the group, it was Lily and James. Canonically. Sirius wasn’t the dumb lil gay boi, he was smart and sarcastic and rebellious. And just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s dumb. Y’all gotta get that through your head. If you can give me one reason Sirius Black deserves the ‘stupid’ allegations, I’ll drop all of this immediately. But you can’t. Your only reasoning is that he’s a twink.

Get a goddamn hobby. Stop fetishizing gay men because ‘they’re pure lil boy likers’. Fuck you.

No TL:DR. Read it or get out

The infantilization of Wolfstar, specifically Sirius Black, is rooted in homophobia and/or the fetishization of gay men. In this essay I will-

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

Daddys pretty slut

Remus just hits different amirite girls and boys and gays and theys

We love us an unbothered Daddy Remus

Warning: 18+, very smutty

Have fun!

“I’m sick of your tantrums, get over here.” Remus grits out. 

You were bored and decided to touch yourself a bit, whilst the boys were out, doing Merlin knows what. And just as you were about to cum, Remus came burstig through the door.

“Thought I wouldn’t know, hm? You’re really smart, pretty, not even bothering to hide your scent from your werewolf boyfriend.” He is mocking you and frankly you deserve it.

You wanted to slap yourself. Remus had told you so many times just how easy it was for him to distinguish not only your scent in a large crowd, but determine your emotions as well. And right now, you are soaked and needy. 

Your voice came out meek when you tried to beg for forgiveness. “Daddy I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to!”

Remus closed and charmed the door, walking over to you in heavy strides. “You should be thankful I didn’t tell the boys what is going on or this conversation would be very different. You know how they get.”

That did something to you. Sirius would have bend you over already, calling you every possible name in the book. James would probably fuck your face so hard you’d have trouble talking afterwards. They would give you the exact opposite of what you crave.

But Remus approached these situations differently, because he gave you precisely what you want and more. You want to cum? He’ll give you ten more. You want his cock in your mouth? He’ll have you suck for hours on end. You wanted him to stop? He wouldn’t touch you for days, until you were delirious with desperation. You have to be very careful what you wish for, but it actually doesn’t matter, because you lose either way.

Remus took off James’ burrowed flannel, looking at you with a thoughtful expression. You could see the clogs in his head turning and he sat down on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. 

He sighes, as if bored and you’d really think he was, if you wouldn’t have seen the slight glint of spitefullness in his eyes. He wants, no needs to punish you. He is livid, anger nearly boiling over, but he didn‘t let it show. He knows how antsy you get when he slips into the role of the calm dom.

You felt vulnerable sitting with your naked body against his fully clothed chest, tucking your head under his chin. 

“I thought we fucked the bratiness out of you already. How long has it been since we touched you? Seven hours and you’re already leaking like a pathetic whore?”

You whine quietly as his fingers harshly brush through your cunt, pinching your clit. “M’sorry Daddy.”

He kisses the back of your head, two fingers pushing inside, thumb against your clit. “You will be.”

Remus spreads his legs, automatically opens yours as well and wraps one arm tightly under your breast. His right hand keeps fucking you in a lazy rhythm, taking his time. He might not tell you that for the sake of scaring you, but this was his way of making sure that you were warmed up, ready to take whatever he gave.

You are panting already, pushing back. His long, thick fingers feel so full inside of your soaking pussy, rough pad of his thumb rubbing deliciously against your clit in soft strokes.

„M‘gonna give you so many cummies, baby, that you won‘t want to cum for a week,“ he spoke, lips brushing against the side of your temple. You knew better than to answer, and tried to kiss him but he pulled back.

„No, you don‘t get kisses. Sluts don‘t kiss their Daddys on the lips. Eyes on my hands, slut.“

You turn your head again, tearing up slightly of being denied your kiss.

„Daddy please, wanna kiss you so bad“, you whine, pussy clenching when he picked up his pace.

„Kiss my cock later, you don‘t get to have my lips. You don‘t fucking deserve it, slut. Why are you crying, hm? Ohh, you gonna cum aren‘t you. Fucking slut, you like this? Want Daddy to treat you like a fucking whore?“

„Yes! Yesyesyes m‘your whore, please wanna cum!“, you mewl, eyes rolling back.

„Daddydaddy m‘gonna cum, ple- ah fuckk“, Remus hand is fucking you so fast your chest is heaving with the effort to take the pleasure.

„Head back, open your mouth“, he commands. You comply instantly, letting him spit in your mouth, sucking bruises on your jaw.

Seeing him treating you so carelessly, spitting on your face and fucking you while he sat there, completely unbothered and calm, did it for you and you came hard. Your screams muffled by his hand on your mouth, his hand so big it covers your entire jaw.

„Pathetic whore, keep your voice down. S‘not not like anybody will come to help you out. Should be grateful that I‘m being so merciful.“

He kept fucking you for what felt like hours, and your already reached your sixth orgasm of the night.

„C‘mon babygirl, one more for your Daddy? One more for me baby, please?“, he cooed at you, lips smearing gently against your sweaty brow.

„Hurts, Daddy, don‘t wanna“, you babbled, so fucking tired. „Everything hurts Daddy.“

„Mm poor baby...How convenient that I don‘t give a fuck what you want, hm? You give me one more and I won‘t tell the boys anything.“

„Yes Daddy, everything for you. You forgive me Daddy right? Not mad anymore?“

Remus pushed his fingers back inside, gliding in easily, not giving you an answer.

„Daddy please, don‘t be mad, m‘your good girl. Fuck Da-“

He chuckles darkly, speeding up and curles his fingers harshly. Leaning down he bites your shoulder hard, squeezing you in his arms as you cry out, cumming on his fingers for the seventh time.

You are slipping in and out of subspace, babbling nonsense, nosing at his soft neck, stubble scratching your flushes cheeks.

„Hi Daddyyy“, you giggle between kisses, „Gonna fuck me now?“

„ Hi baby“, Remus croons, pressing his lips on yours, muttering against your lips. „M‘not Daddy anymore, baby. I forgive you, come back f‘me hm?“

His tone soft as he cuddles you, kissing all over your face, taking your shirt to clean up the mess you made with your cum.

„Ow, hurts, Daddy, Remus“, you tried to close your legs, but he spread them again, overpowering you without trying.

„Shh, be good, gotta clean you up before the boys get back.“

Finally letting go he let you pass out, tidying the room, before he slid in next to you, falling asleep just as fast.

He‘ll let this be your dirty little secret for now. You were his baby first anyway.

[lumosinlove]

Cw: mentions of drugs and mentions of past abuse

Previously On Relic Keel

Remus has started to associate sailing with Sirius Black ever since Sirius told him he watches his boat every morning. He thinks about how tired he is of knowing everything there is to know and wishes to leave the island.

Remus also starts his new job at the Hogwarts History Museum where he meets up with his friend Layla, whose family runs the museum, and whose brother, Lyall, Remus races sailboats against. On his way there, he reflects on the divide between Salazars and Godrics. He remembers Sirius at school, and how he was either celebrated or shunned with seemingly no pattern.

After their first shift at the museum, Layla takes Remus to The Lion for lunch, chastising Remus’ prejudices, and introduces him to Leo. Remus sees Leo’s rainbow bracelet and thinks about how badly he wants a boyfriend. We also learn that Luke is also gay, but that he and Remus have always been just friends.

Logan arrives at The Lion, too, is introduced, and listens in on Remus finding out a new exhibit on madness at the museum—the Lupins are known for going insane, but Remus’ mother mentioned nothing to Remus about this exhibit.

Leo learns that Logan is looking for someone (Finn). Logan reflects on a sleepy feeling that seemed to go away with his escape from the orphanage. Leo offers Logan a job, if he wants, and also tells him about The Voldemort.

The Voldemort is a boat from the eighteenth century that is said to have sank in The Cradle, a U shaped arrangement of islands just off of Hogwarts Southern Coast. Leo’s dad was close to finding it. Leo feels like he should want to find it, too, for his lost father.

Saint and Sirius arrive. Saint and Logan see each other for the first time in almost ten years, since Saint escaped when he was seven. Logan tells him that Finn got him out and Saint finds out that Logan sells Crucio.

Pascal, who owns the Lion with his wife Celeste, is introduced. He’s very close with Saint and Sirius, and he apparently knew Leo’s father before he went missing at sea. Saint learns that Logan is staying with Leo.

James and Remus arrive, looking for Dorcas who Thomas said might be selling Crucio to Luke. They’d like her to stop and are willing to pay. Logan takes advantage of this and, although he doesn’t sell to Luke, cons James out of 200 bucks.

Saint learns that Logan has gotten tangled up with The Carrows, the more dangerous of the two Crucio dealers, the other, safer one being Kasey Winter, in the hopes that they will help him get Finn out. Instead, he’s in their debt for using their Crucio himself.

Logan slips and calls Saint Bash. Saint refuses to help Logan get Finn out.

A/N: I super don’t speak Latin. And neither do my trees.

part v

Dorcas watched as Saint took his book from the floor of the back seat and flipped his sunglasses down.

“How long?” he asked. “And how do I keep getting stuck with this job?”

“Because Sirius is a better surfer than you are,” Dorcas replied. “And you know what, you can take off. Her parents are out of town for the weekend so her dad won’t be coming home or anything.”

Saint paused and raised an eyebrow. “And so I just drove you because…”

“I didn’t feel like walking?”

“Clever gal.”

Dorcas smiled. “I know.”

“Whatever, I need the car anyway.”

“What are you up to? I thought you were working at the Potters.”

“Just Sirius today,” Saint threw his book back into the rear seats. “I’ve got some detective work ahead of me.”

“Does this have anything to do with that little friend of yours that Sirius told me about?”

Saint rolled his eyes. “Of course he told you.”

“You know you two can’t keep secrets from me.”

“Don’t I.”

“See you later, babe,” Dorcas opened her door.

Saint gave her a salut as she headed around towards the dug-out fence.

Marlene had her paints out and her hair up in a bun when she pushed the window up and open for Dorcas.

“Luke’s here,” she said, and rolled her eyes as she turned away.

Dorcas froze in the window frame to see Luke with his feet crossed, laying on Marlene’s bed.

“Okay,” Dorcas said. “Can he leave?”

“Hey,” Luke said. “Cousin privileges.”

“Girlfriend privileges,” Dorcas said, shutting the window behind her. “Plus, can’t you go, like, toss a ball at a net with a stick or something?”

Luke rolled his eyes—not unlike his cousin. “I’m on a rest day. Plus, I’m off the team.”

“And whose fault is that?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

“He’s just getting out of the house for a bit,” Marlene said with a pointed look that Dorcas understood as he’s getting away from his mother. 

“Plus,” Marlene continued. “He’s a good cover story.”

“I thought your dad wasn’t here.”

Marlene shook her head. “Came home early. Guess his newest gal pal didn’t like golf. He’s over at the club now.”

“What’s his deal, anyway?” Luke asked. He had reached over to the bedside table and put a bowl of what looked like mango slices onto his stomach. “With you two, I mean.”

“I am his little princess,” Marlene said dryly. “Not to be dated.”

“And a Salazar girl who lives in The Hollow?” Dorcas shook her head. “No deal.”

“Right,” Luke said. “Like that’s never happened before.”

Dorcas snorted and sat on the bed, too, stealing a few pieces of fruit. “Like you’re any better than the rest of them, Deveaux.”

“I am,” Luke said. “I don’t hate Salazars.”

“But you hate Hollows.”

Luke grinned. “I don’t hate them, either. They hate me, and what am I gonna do about their jealousy? That’s their issue.”

“God, you’re an asshole,” Dorcas sighed.

“He’s really not though,” Marlene stepped back as she regarded the painting she was working on. Luke’s face looked back out at them from the canvas. “He just likes to make-believe.”

“Could have fooled me and my friends.”

“He’s a great actor,” Marlene agreed, then stuck her tongue out at Luke. “I just happen to have known him before he learned how.”

“All right, fuck you both,” Luke grumbled, and ate another piece of mango.

“Believe me,” Dorcas said. “We’re not jealous of you.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “You can’t tell me you wish you didn’t have to sell Felix to make a little more money?”

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. “Like you and your money live such a great life.”

Luke looked away, jaw tight.

“Yeah,” Dorcas said. “I’d take Crucio and the friends I have over that any day.” After a moment of hesitation, she looked down and mumbled. “And by the looks of your little habit, so would you.”

“Fuck you, Meadowes,” Luke snarled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“All right, all right,” Marlene said, tilting her head as she added color to Luke’s cheeks in her painting. “Cool it, kids. Take a chill pill. Knock it down a notch. Luke, why don’t you go get us some pizza or something? Or maybe pick up from Thomas’. I crave his nachos, holy cow. Also, tell him to come hang out later tonight, if he can.”

Luke held Dorcas’ eyes for a moment, then pushed himself up from the bed. “Pepperoni, you?”

“Pineapple and ham, thanks,” Marlene said, and smiled at Dorcas as she patted his back out the door.

“Hi,” Marlene laughed once the door closed behind him. She walked into Dorcas’ arms. She took Dorcas’ face between her hands and peppered kisses to her mouth. “How are you?”

“Worried about basically all of our friends,” Dorcas laughed. “And that one, I guess, too.”

“Tell me about it,” Marlene sighed, laying down on the bed and eating a slice of mango. Dorcas mirrored her position. “No, seriously, if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. I mean, I’ve got Luke who, one, needs to get out of his house, and two, needs someone to love, like, God, I wish he had a boyfriend. I just want him to get off this island, go to college, and meet the sweetest human in the world, you know?” Marlene sighed again, eyes far away. “He doesn’t act like he deserves that, but…it’s really his family he didn’t deserve. He’s all torn up about his dad, but his dad’s…a schemer. You know? And his mom, don’t even get me started.”

“Maybe he can still meet someone here,” Dorcas replied, and reached out to brush Marlene’s hair away from her face with a smile. “You never know. We didn’t. How long did we spend on this island without knowing each other existed?”

Marlene’s smile faltered in a way that Dorcas was beginning to recognize. It worried her.

“What?” Dorcas asked softly.

Marlene tilted her head. “Hm?”

“You keep doing that,” Dorcas said, tracing a thumb over one corner of Marlene’s mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Marlene said. “I was just thinking about Luke. I mean, my parents sucks but at least they’re…”

Dorcas raised an eyebrow. “Not in jail?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with that,” Marlene laughed. She scooted closer, letting Dorcas hitch her thigh over her hip, Dorcas’ thumb rubbing idly over her soft skin. “Now what are you worrying about, lover?”

“Sirius,” Dorcas began. “I don’t know he just…he’s never seemed…happy? Saint. He’s trying so hard to be happy that I know he’s not. And now there’s Logan which I think stirred up a lot of Saint Clair stuff for him. I mean, Jesus, how do we not know what’s up with that place?”

“Gods are good at not paying attention,” Marlene said solemnly.

“Saint never takes that damn cross off,” Dorcas said. “I mean, wouldn’t you want to let it go?”

“Sorry, who’s Logan? He got out? As in escaped? Like Saint did?”

Dorcas nodded. “I haven’t talked to Saint about it yet. Me and Sirius are gonna tag-team later, make him let it out.”

Marlene looked suspicious. “Good luck.”

“We have our ways,” Dorcas laughed. “And Logan…He deals. I know him a little. Not really.”

Marlene nodded, going quiet at the mention of Crucio as she always did.

“I like what it gives me,” Dorcas said gently. “Freedom, Marls. More than any other job here could. At least any job that I could get. And its from Kasey, who makes it safely. Unlike the Carrows. So—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Marlene said, and pushed herself closer. “I know. Really, I know. I’m proud of you. I just wish there wasn’t as much risk.”

“Like the police do anything about it,” Dorcas sighed, running a hand through Marlene’s hair. “They probably like the revenue it brings for the island.”

“Yeah,” Marlene sighed.

“Well,” Dorcas said. “We probably have at least twenty minutes before Deveaux returns with the pizza…”

Marlene smiled and pushed Dorcas’ hat off, leaning over her on the bed. “Oh? Twenty minutes you say?”

~

Saint parked the Jeep between two trees in an overgrow section of a Salazar road.  He knew where The Carrows lived. It was difficult to miss their house. Saint could practically smell the gold and diamonds. He felt like he smell the Crucio, too, the rubber bands and the plastic bags, and the sickly sweet powder.

There was no one outside. The whole grandiosity looked strangely deserted.

Saint reached into the rear again for the latest book he had borrowed from James. Frankenstein. Not one he hadn’t read before, but a good one none the less.

“Don’t know why you want that one,” James had said when he handed it over. They had both been hot from working in the sun—Saint on the lawn, James on his backhand. “I had to write a book report on that in, like, what, ninth grade? Oof.”

“Beluis amicitiam,” Saint had replied.

“How the fuck do you know Latin?” James had said. “You aren’t even at our school.”

“You gave me a book on Latin.”

James nodded. “Right.”

“Well?” Saint had asked. “You’re at school. What’d I say?”

James squinted one eye shut. “Beast…friends?”

Saint had laughed. “Literally, sure.”

Saint opened the book now, rolling the window down in the stuffy car. The AC was broken.

“Monsters like company,” he said aloud into the small space and settled down to wait.

~

Lily didn’t expect to find herself painting an old boat with James Potter on a Saturday afternoon, but painting she was. She dipped the fat brush into the blue paint, trying to wipe her hair out of her face without getting blue in it.

“Still doing okay over there, Lils?”

Lily looked up to see James’ head pop out over the upside-down bow.

“All good,” Lily nodded. “You?”

James smiled. “Yeah. Thanks for helping me out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lily said. “Just working on my tan.”

James’ head appeared again, only this time his expression was incredulous. “We both know we both burn.”

Lily laughed. “I guess so.”

The Potter’s had their own, small beach in front of their property, and Lily dug her feet down into the sand, looking at the inviting ocean.

She felt all too awkward after their talk a few nights ago. She had been brash, and almost cruel at some points. James was—good. But she didn’t want to end up like her mother. She didn’t want to stay for someone, like her mother had for her father, and regret it, like she could tell her mother did sometimes.

And if she had wanted someone to come out into the world with her, she couldn’t have picked a worse candidate. James was a Potter, and the Potters were Hogwarts Island’s beating heart. Their money was in every part of this island. Every grain of sand, every brick. Hogwarts Academy, whose headmaster was James’ father.

If Lily loved James, she’d never escape.

And the problem was, she did love James.

“So, I was thinking about doing a movie night or something,” James said from the other side of the boat. “Put a sheet up and a projector. We could lay it all out on the lawn, or by the pool. Get some candy and popcorn and shit, invite everyone.”

Lily cleared her throat. “Yeah, that sounds cool.”

James was at the front now, painting the boat’s nose. “Any suggestions or requests?”

Lily smiled. “Is it too cheesy to do Pirates of The Caribbean?”

James laughed. “Hell no. There’s no better place!”

Lily shrugged. “Then definitely that. Oh, Will Turner.”

James snorted. “Yeah, can’t say no to that.”

Lily smiled at him, and shifted closer to the other side of the bow.

“So, how’s your common-app going?” James asked. “These essays are sort of killing me. I mean, you’re staring out a window. What do you see? What the fuck kind of prompt is that? That’s what’s going to get me into college?”

Lily laughed. “Not to mention asking me why I want to go somewhere. They’re basically forcing me to make something dramatic up.”

“Right. If I’m being, you know, honest, I feel simple, and if I’m embellishing, I feel fake.”

Lily looked up at him. “Exactly. No, that’s—exactly.”

They smiled at each other, paintbrushes poised.

“I don’t know,” James sighed finally. “I’m—I’m sort of worried, Lils.”

“What about Lacrosse?” Lily asked.

James nodded. “That’s what my dad says. And, yeah, I love it, but…sometimes I wonder if it’s more that I love who I’m playing with. Luke, Remus, Thomas.”

Lily nodded, eyes flitting over his face which had gone serious and tense. “Right. No, that makes sense. But J, you’re so smart. And kind.”

James’ smile was small, but his eyes, when he looked at her, were fond. “Not as smart as you. And I can’t get a degree in kindness.”

Lily hummed, thinking. College was a sensitive topic for everyone it seemed. What was supposed to be one of the best parts of their lives was all uncertainty and vagueness. She thought of Marlene, and how she hadn’t told Dorcas about her early-decision acceptance yet. This seemed to be all goodbyes and leave-behinds.

“Sorry,” James cleared his throat. “That was a downer thing to say.”

Lily shook her head. “I’m starting to think college is just a downer thing.”

James smiled, and, even though it was something that had only been gone for a moment, Lily found that she had missed it. James was so bright. “Yeah.”

Lily knew that she was going to say goodbye to James in a year. But for the first time, she wondered how she knew, and when she had decided.

“You’re going to be amazing, Lils,” James said softly. She could tell that they were both thinking of their conversation. He looked down at her with his hazel eyes. “Really, you are.”

Lily meant to say thank you.

Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him. James’ body tensed, and then relaxed. His mouth opened beneath hers and she cupped his cheek, her other palm splayed on his chest. He was warm from the sunlight. He made a soft sound and tilted his head to kiss her again, hand between her shoulders. Then, he pulled back, their foreheads together. There was paint on his chest from Lily’s paintbrush. Blue, right over his heart.

“Lils,” James gasped. He wrapped a gentle hand around her wrist. “Lils, mixed messages, mixed messages…”

He was out of breath. Lily had made him that way. Her own heart was beating out of her chest.

“You’re right,” Lily breathed, and stepped away, drawing a fallen strap of her tank top up her shoulder. “You’re right, God, sorry.”

“No, it’s,” James began. “I mean, that was nice. Really nice.”

Lily sent him a wavering smile over her shoulder. “Yeah. Sorry about—” the paint. Everything.

She watched James out of the corner of her eye as he passed his hand through his hair a few times. This time, he came to stand beside her as they worked quietly.

It only took Lily a few moments to not be able to stand it any more. The feeling of him so close, of wanting him the way she did. He was gentle. He kissed in a way that made her want to melt. He had made her laugh, that night that they spent together, in between those kisses and gentle touches.

“Why did you ask me to do this with you, James?” Lily said. “I mean—aren’t you mad at me?”

James didn’t respond for a moment, but finally turned.

“What, we can’t be friends?” he asked.

“I wasn’t very nice to you the other night,” Lily said, and then groaned. “And—I mean, I feel awful about it but…you understand, don’t you?"

“I’m not here to tie you down, Lily,” James said, eyes firm behind his glasses. “If that’s what you think friends do…I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You’re not my friend,” Lily burst out, and then covered her eyes. “I mean—you are. But you’re…”

“It’s fine, Lils,” James said. When Lily looked up, he was shaking his head and stooping to dip his brush again. “Really, let’s just…let’s paint and tan. I’ll get us some sunscreen.”

“James—”

“You kissed me and then you said we weren’t friends. Forgive me if I’d rather stay where we are than go farther or backwards into those two territories that you seem to not want.”

Lily blinked.

James glanced at her, then away. “I should probably be asking you to leave. But I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. Not now, not if you really think that’s so inevitable.”

Lily stared at him. He was looking resolutely at his work, jaw tight. He looked beautiful, even when he was sad and overwhelmed. Lily was so angry at herself.

She didn’t want to lose him, either.

She timed her paint strokes to his, and they worked beside each other quietly.

~

Saint didn’t find what he expected to find.

Instead of Logan coming up the path, Luke Deveaux passed right by his car and open window.

Luke looked down in passing, probably expecting to see an empty vehicle, and then did a double take when, instead, he found Saint sitting there, Frankenstein in one hand, balanced on the steering wheel, and the other elbow resting out the window.

“Hello, tweedle,” Saint said.

Luke stopped walking. He had a gray t-shirt on with a large, navy Nike swoop on it, and black running shorts. Earbuds dangled around his neck, tangled in the two fine gold chains that hung there and trailing all the way into his pocket, where Saint could see the weight of his phone. He was sweaty, as though he had run here from Godric.

“What?” Luke said.

“Bad move,” Saint replied. “Taking your hit from The Shining twins.”

Luke just stared at him. He pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes. Saint smiled. He liked Deveaux when he was caught off guard. This had never happened before.

“Well—” Luke began. “You’re here, too.”

“Not like that.”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You said you didn’t deal.”

“I don’t.”

“So,” Luke’s eyes flit around the Jeep’s exterior. “You just sit in junk cars and read—” Luke looked forward. “Shelley?”

Saint frowned in approval and squinted back towards the house. “You say that almost as if you’ve read it.”

“I have.”

“What, in your ninth grade book report?”

“No, with my—” Luke turned his head away, mouth clamping shut.

“I see,” Saint said after a moment. “A bit of a strange parental bonding choice, but all right.”

“Fuck off,” Luke said. “And what the fuck did you call me?”

That was when Saint spotted Logan. He sat up and unlocked the Jeep doors with a click.

“Get in,” Saint said.

Luke scoffed. “Fuck off.”

“That’s the second time you’ve said that in five seconds. Get in, tweedle, or I’ll tell your mother about your candy addiction.”

To Saint’s slight surprise—he was used to people being drawn to him—that seemed to work and Luke complied, but he walked slowly, distrustfully, around the bonnet before sliding into the passenger seat.

Logan was coming up a different path, one stemming from the back of the house to what looked like a side door.

“She wouldn’t care,” Luke said as he slammed the door.

“You in my passenger seat says differently,” Saint said, and glanced at Luke’s wrist. “Nice watch.”

It was gold and glittery. It looked like it had probably been his father’s, and by no means looked like it should be worn on a run.

“Your car smells like wet dog.”

“I don’t have a dog,” Saint replied, eyes on Logan. He had knocked and was waiting now.

“I was talking about Black.”

Saint glanced at him. “You’re funny, Galileo.”

Luke just shook his head, bringing his t-shirt up to wipe his forehead. “Stop calling me tweedle—you think I’m dumb?”

Saint laughed. “No.”

“All right,” Luke put a hand on the door. “I’m getting out.”

“No,” Saint said, and grabbed Luke’s arm, fingers wrapping around his wrist. “Stay here or you’ll blow this for both of us.”

Luke shook him off and Saint pushed his door open. He began his stride up towards the house without looking back. He wondered if Luke was a snoop. The thought made him smile.

Logan saw him when he was half-way to the door, and rolled his eyes, shoving his hands out in an effort to silently say go back.

“Hello, number ten,” Saint said, leaning beside the door. “Now, who are you waiting for?”

“Saint, don’t.”

“Look, I’m hoping it was me, and if so, your ride’s here.” Saint narrowed his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“What do you care if I’m here?”

Saint looked at Logan’s backpack, the one that was always filled with Crucio. Even at the sight of it he imagined that he could feel the sweet, sleepiness that occupied his nights at the orphanage.

The door opened.

“Oh, look,” Amycus said, resting a hand on the door. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What is it you’re calling yourself these days? Saint.”

“Hello, Amy,” Saint smiled. “Nice to see you, we’re going now.”

“You can’t,” Amycus snarled. “He owes us.”

“I’m sure you haven’t lost that much,” Saint said back evenly.

“Oh yeah?” Amycus laughed. “Why don’t we take a look at green-eyes here’s subconscious. You want something bad enough, you like something enough, something feels good enough, then there comes a point where you don’t even know how far you’ve gone to get it. How much Felix have you taken, do you think, Tremblay?”

Logan just looked down.

“See?” Amycus cocked his head. “He doesn’t know. Which means I make make up whatever number I like.”

Saint nodded, thoughtful. “Interesting. What number is that?”

Amycus just grinned. “Your friend here will know when I tell him.”

“Bullshit,” Logan snapped, and Saint held up a hand.

“We’re going now, and you know what?” Saint leaned in. “You don’t know shit about what he wants.”

“Come back without your handler, Tremblay,” Amycus called after them.

Back at the car, Saint could see Luke reading Frankenstein through the windshield.

“Who’s that?”

“Who you got your two hundred bucks for,” Saint murmured.

“What about the two hundred more you just cost me?”

“You’re welcome,” Saint said, and motioned to Luke to get out.

“And what exactly was I supposed to get out of this?” Luke said, crossing his arms.

“A chit-chat with yours truly,” Saint replied. “Logan, get in the car.”

Logan glared, but took Luke’s place in the passenger seat.

Saint slid back into the driver’s side, took Logan’s backpack from him, and slung it into the back seat.

“Oh,” Saint leaned out his window. “And I’m sure you can go right up now.”

“I’m sure I can,” Luke tossed Saint the book. “Don’t forget Potter’s book. Did you steal it, or what?”

If only he knew, Saint thought. 

“Bye, Luke,” Saint called as he turned out of the grove and down the street. He looked in his review mirror and smiled at the sight of Luke standing, framed in it. Then, he put his arm lazily on the steering wheel and let Luke’s golden watch flash in the sunlight on his wrist.

“You didn’t have to fucking—fetch me,” Logan grumbled.

“Yes, I fucking did.”

Logan turned towards him in his seat, and for a moment Saint thought he was going for his backpack, but Logan just looked at him.

“Look,” Logan said.

“I’m driving.”

Logan ignored him.

“There’s a treasure,” Logan said instead. “Leo told me about it. He thinks his dad knows where it is—The Cradle? Look, I—If we can get it—”

“Oh, good,” Saint sighed. “He sells Crucio and he’s a Voldemort tourist.”

Logan blinked. “You know about it?”

Saint scoffed. “Of course I know about it. Everyone knows about it, Logan.”

“Fine, but—if we can get it, then I can pay off—”

“I’m sorry, excuse me, excuse me,” Saint held up a hand, one on the wheel. The houses went from the tall mansions of Salazar to the workshop rows of Helga, to the low houses of The Hollow. “Did you or did you not just place all of your hopes of freedom on a long lost, legendary treasure.”

“Bash—Saint.”

“Answer the question.”

“It’s not my hope, it’s just an option.”

Saint just shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Come on,” Logan urged as Saint stopped the car in front of The Lion. “Isn’t there something you want? Something that much gold could get you?”

“Come to think of it, there isn’t that much I want, no.”

Logan paused, and then said, “Then, is there something you hate?”

When Saint didn’t reply for enough time, Logan took his backpack and got out of the car.

~

Sirius had dreamed about his little brother last night. Only, he had been on Wolfsbane, and Regulus had been on shore. There had been someone else in the boat, too, someone expertly pulling the ropes and taking Sirius farther out to sea. The wind had been warm.

Sirius had woken up thinking about Remus Lupin.

His entire day was thrown off.

Sirius looked over at Saint. “Are we going to talk about it?”

Saint had his head in Dorcas’ lap and his eyes closed. “Pardon?”

Dorcas and Sirius glanced at each other. “Logan.”

“We were at Saint Clair together. What else is there to say?”

“Maybe how he got out.”

“And why,” Dorcas added, running a hand through Saint’s hair. “It might help if you talked about that place more.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

Sirius groaned. “Saint. Come on, that kid looked freaked talking to you and then he bolted. What’s up?”

Saint sighed, his face opening up into a rare moment of softer eyes, and he sat up, nearly facing away from the both of them.

Sirius listened to the crickets outside. Before, he had just wanted to know about the orphanage. Now, he wanted Saint to not have to keep it all inside.

“When I arrived when I was five, Logan and Finn were already there,” Saint said finally. “And its not like its this horrible place. We have beds and food and we go to school together. We have friends. But we’re also locked away. The nuns are strict. The punishments are old-fashioned. A slap. A few days in solitude. The problem is…”

Sirius got up from his perch on the window and sat beside Saint on the ratty old couch they had dragged in. Saint didn’t look at him, but let him and Dorcas lay gentle hands on him, Dorcas’ on his back, Sirius’ one of his crossed ankles.

“I watched kids turn eighteen,” Saint said, voice steely. “And they’d be packing their bags and then—unpacking them.”

“They,” Dorcas began. “You mean they decided to stay?”

Saint just shook his head slowly. “I still haven't completely figured it out. I think—maybe Crucio has something to do with it. It’s the only thing I can think of that would make them stay. I keep having this—this memory of being so tired at night. And these dreams.”

“The plant Crucio is made out of has Melatonin in it,” Dorcas said, brow creased. “It influences the dreaming. The hallucinations.”

“So, what?” Sirius asked. “They stay for Crucio, you think?”

“They work some,” Saint said. “Around the island. But, yeah. They stay.”

“You think they’re bringing money back?” Dorcas asked gently. “To the orphanage?”

Saint shrugged. “I told you. I haven’t completely figured it out. But I’d rather figure it out from the outside. Even when I was seven, I knew something was wrong. But I was older when I arrived. Finn and Logan had been there since they were too young to recognize something like that. They didn’t know anything else.”

“And…you do?” Sirius asked faintly. Saint had never brought up remembering anything about his prior life, his family.

Saint laughed faintly and got up. “Who knows. That’s the thing about memories, right? We tend to make them worse, or make them better.” Sirius watched him go to the sink and turn it on and off. He opened the refrigerator and then closed it. Finally, he stilled.

“But I hate them,” Saint said, almost to himself. “I hate them for making anything feel real.”

Sirius opened his mouth to respond when Dorcas’ phone lit up with a loud ping.

She picked it up. “From Marlene. Apparently we’re invited to a movie night at Potter’s house.”

“Of course we are,” Sirius sighed, and got up and wrapped his arms around Saint from behind. “What do you feel like?”

Saint looked at him over his shoulder. “Well, how could I ever pass that up?”

~

When Logan didn’t find Leo at The Lion, he went to the Knut’s workshop instead. He’d been in there a handful of times now. It was a crowded room, walls-to-ceiling tools and cupboards that organized different found objects. Sea-glass and shards of blue china. There was large glass jars of things like compasses or pieces of weather vanes hanging by woven rope plant holders from the ceiling. There was a forge that was cool now, and there was a long work bench.

He found Leo on the work bench with the garage door open to the street, shirtless and welding something together.

“Oh,” Logan said instead of announcing himself.

Leo looked up, then back down, sparks flying around him. “Hey, what’s up?”

Logan walked a few steps inside and set his backpack—which was still empty—down.

“I want to help you,” he said.

The sparks stopped and Leo pushed his welding mask up. He was sweaty, his cheeks flushed from the heat. “What? With this?”

Logan rolled his eyes and walked in to straddle the other end of the work bench. “The treasure. We need to find the treasure. Think how rich we’d be.”

Leo stared at him for a long moment, then took his mask off and set his equipment down. For a moment, his face looked thunderous. Logan thought he was about to tell him to get out, but the storm dissipated.

“This isn’t a joke to me,” Leo said evenly after another pause. “And it’s not some greedy game, either. That’s not why my dad looked for things like this. He loved history.”

Logan blinked. “You—you don’t want the money?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. What do you think the finder gets?”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying don’t make me regret telling you. I’m saying my dad was never one to just pawn things off. He wanted things like that on display, for people to learn from.”

“How very, very noble and grand,” came another voice, and they both looked up to see Saint standing there. He had changed since the last time Logan had seen him. He was wearing a t-shirt that said New Orleans Saints.

“Saint?” Leo said.

“Hi there,” Saint gave a little salute. “I have a movie night to go to, apparently, a nice little godly sleepover, but I thought I’d stop by.”

“What are you doing…” Logan began warily.

“Well, come to think of it, there is something I hate.”

Leo tilted his head. “What is he talking about?”

“Not to mention,” Saint continued, and touched the bottom of the hanging compasses. He studied one, then looked at them and grinned.

“I do like gold,” Saint said.

[wonder-womans-ex]

Conversations, Conversations, in the Early Morning Glow

Of all the things James was expecting to see today, Sirius Black sitting on his couch at five-thirty in the morning was certainly not one of them. 

He had been prepared to get up early, make some coffee and maybe an omelette, and head out for a quick jog before practice. But when he turned on the light, there Sirius was, one leg propped up over his knee, fingers drumming nervously on the sole of his shoe. 

Sirius looked up. They stared at each other for a moment, and then James took off his glasses and put them back on again. “Hello,” he said. 

Sirius bothered with none of the preamble. “How do you tell someone you’re in love with them?” 

“What the fuck?”

“I’m in love with someone and I want to tell them so, but I don’t know how.”

After taking a moment to process this information, James walked over to the kitchen. “I need caffeine for this conversation,” he said, glancing backward over his shoulder. “Want a coffee?”

“I—yeah. Sure. No sugar—”

“Lots of milk. I know.” 

They grinned at each other, but Sirius’s smile was slightly… off. There was something tense about it, almost like he was holding back. 

The coffee machine whirred quietly to life, red light blinking on, and James grabbed two mugs from the cupboard: the WORLD’S BEST DAD one Kuny had given him after Harry’s birth, and the one with the rubber ducks Sirius always used. He filled the kettle with water, flipped the switch on the side, and finally spun around to face his friend. 

Sirius had hopped up to sit on the counter and was swinging his legs slightly, bumping them in turns against the dishwasher; his gaze was focused somewhere on the floor in front of him. James paused for a moment before walking over and sitting beside him. “If Lily catches us, we’re both toast,” he said, finally, trying to lighten the mood. The corners of Sirius’s lips twitched up only slightly, and that was when James knew something was truly bothering him. 

“So.” The two of them took a breath almost in unison. “I’m going to need some backstory here. Are you in a relationship with this person? Are you merely admiring from afar?”

“In a relationship.”

No matter what he had asked, James had assumed Sirius was merely harbouring a crush. He’d thought that surely, if Sirius was dating someone, he’d say something about it. “You have a girlfriend? And you didn’t tell me?” 

“That’s the other thing.” A pause, like he was working up the courage to say something. “I’m gay, James.”

For the second time that morning, James took a moment to process this. He arranged his face—or tried to, anyway—into an expression that less resembled someone who had recently run into a brick wall, and then he put a reassuring hand on Sirius’s shoulder. “You have a boyfriend? And you didn’t tell me?”

The look of relief Sirius gave him was both immense and immediate. “Well, it’s pretty recent. Only a few months, really—since my birthday—and… I was scared. I’m still scared, but not as much as I was. But I love him. I really, really love him, and I want him to know that.”

Nodding, James slid forward off the counter to pour the now-boiling water into the top of the coffee machine. “Is it anyone I know? Is he from Gryffindor?”

“Yeah, you know him. It’s—well, it’s Loops.”

“Remus?” James jerked his hand backwards, away from the spill of hot water from the kettle. He hissed in pain when a drop landed on his wrist. “Remus Lupin? Our PT?” 

“One and the same.” Even without looking, he could hear the smile in Sirius’s voice. 

“And you want to tell him you love him?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And you came to me for advice?” 

Sirius leaned over and smacked his arm. “I can’t tell whether you’re insulting yourself or me more.” 

“Shut up. But in all ser—sincerity… does he love you, too?”

“I think so,” Sirius said, biting his lip. “I hope he does, anyway. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t.” 

James whistled quietly, not wanting to risk waking Harry. A crying child was the last thing either of them needed. “God, you’ve got it bad, haven’t you?” 

“Yeah.”

“Look.” James crossed his arms, staring Sirius right in the eyes. “I’m only going to say this once. You are my best friend. You are the third most important person in my life, falling just behind my wife-to-be and my son. If I had to pick one person to be stranded with on a deserted island, the only reason I would not choose you is that I think we would die within a week because neither of us actually has that much common sense. That being said, there are very few situations in which I would not trust you with my life. In the words of the youth, you are my bro.”

“Why is this starting to sound like a marriage proposal?”

“Fuck off. The point is, Pads, you deserve the best of the best. You deserve someone you love and who loves you. If that’s Loops, that’s amazing and I support you. If it ends up not being him, I’ll be here for you, and I’ll make sure any future boyfriends you may have don’t break your heart. Got that?”

For a moment, Sirius said nothing, and James grew more and more worried by the second. “Cap? You okay?” 

“No, I’m not okay, you fucker; I’m crying.”

“I hope they’re happy tears.” 

“What do you think?” Swiping the back of his hand across his eyes, Sirius let a grin spread across his face. “Are we supposed to bro hug now?” 

“You know what; why not.” Even just two years ago, they would have put their arms around each other nervously before awkwardly pulling away again (hell, two years ago Sirius probably wouldn’t have suggested it in the first place), but now they were miles past that, James even rubbing a noogie onto the crown of Sirius’s head. 

“Coffee machine looks like it’s about to overflow.” 

“Oh, thanks.” There was a comfortable silence as James poured out two mugs of coffee and added milk (Sirius’s) and sugar (his own), not broken until Sirius, mug in hand, said quietly, “How do you think I should tell him?” 

“Well, my advice, which is flawed at the best of times, would be to just tell him. But if you were planning on doing that, then chances are you wouldn’t have come to me in the first place.”

“I want it to be… I dunno. Romantic.” Sirius raised his coffee to his lips, taking a sip. “This is the worst coffee I have ever had in my life.”

“Well, duh. For the romantic part, I mean. Not the coffee.”

Laughing under his breath, Sirius poked him. “Try it. It sucks.”

“It does not—oh.”

“Told you so.”

James was halfway through pouring his coffee down the drain when Sirius’s phone rang. Both men froze. 

“Who is it?”

Sirius fished the phone out of his pocket, checking the caller ID. He visibly relaxed at what he saw, swiping up to answer. “It’s Remus,” he whispered. 

It was only thanks to the silence of the house that James could hear the voice on the other end of the line. 

“Baby?” Remus asked. “I’m, uh, I’m at your house—I bused—and, um, your car’s not here.”

“Oh, fuck, is it six already?”

“Yeah.” After a moment, he added, “Where are you?” 

“At the Potters’. I’m with James.”

“Are you okay?”

A smile flickered over Sirius’s face. “Yeah. I’m great. I… I came out to him.” 

James held his breath until—”Oh,” said Remus. 

“Oh? Is that—is that okay? Should I have waited—”

“No, no, of course not,” Remus assured him, the emotion in his voice audible even through the speaker. “I’m just surprised. And I’m proud. God, baby, I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“I’m proud of me, too.” 

“As you should be. Hey, I’m hugging you right now. You feel that? That’s my arms. And now I’m kissing you. Okay?” 

Sirius actually giggled, a sound James had never heard him make before. “I’m kissing you back.”

James wasn’t sure whether he grabbed the phone to put at least a temporary stop to all the mushiness, or whether his intention stayed the same all along. In any case, the first thing he said after wresting it out of Sirius’s grasp and pressing it to his own ear was “If you hurt my bro, I’ll kill you.”

“Hi, James.”

“Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it. But between you and me—and Sirius, I guess, ‘cause he’s probably listening, too—if I ever hurt him, I think I’d die before you even chose your weapon.”

When James glanced over, he saw that Sirius’s eyes were shining.

“Oh,” Remus added. “And please send Cap back over here. He’s not just my boyfriend; he’s my ride to practice.”

“You got it.” He waited until Remus hung up to say, “Hey, Sirius?”

Sirius took the phone when James held it out to him. “Yeah?”

“Get out of my house and go get your man.”

“Oui.” He slid off the countertop, landing on the floor with a slight thud. 

“Oh, and one more thing.” 

“Yeah?”

“What Loops said? Over the phone? If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

He got a grin for that, but he also got an elbow in the ribs as Sirius passed by him. “I’m going to tell him. Today.”

“You do that.” 

“Wish me luck. I’ll see you at practice.” 

“See you,” James said, leaning against the doorframe. “And you’ve already got all the luck you need.”

***

He hadn’t forgotten. He really hadn’t. He’d just had a lot on his mind, and Sirius’s promise of ‘today’ was pushed to the back. But when Cap’s car pulled into the parking lot with Loops in the passenger’s seat, it was brought immediately to the front again. He watched as they shared a warm, private smile, eyes not breaking contact for almost ten seconds. 

As soon as they walked through the arena doors, James was there to ambush them. “Good morning, gentlemen.” 

“Wipe that smirk off your face.”

“Well, we are temperamental today.”

“It’s because of your godawful coffee.”

“Touché.” 

Sirius smacked his arm. “I’m serious—and please don’t make that pun. I would like to be left alone with my boyfriend, with whom I am very much in love.”

“All right, all right!” James said, raising his arms in mock surrender. Go make out in the PT room; I won’t stop you.” 

Remus smiled when Sirius turned to him. “Yeah, sure, we can do that later. You go ahead—I need to talk to Pots for a sec.”

“‘Kay. Love ya.”

“Love you, too.”

Waiting until Sirius disappeared down the hallway to speak, Remus pursed his lips, trying to smother a grin. “Thank you,” he said, finally. “That—how accepting you are, I mean—means a lot to him.”

“I know.” 

“No, really. You were the first… you’re the only person he’s told, other than me. Coming out to you—it really goes to show how much more comfortable he is with himself. When we got together… well, he’s really come a long way.” 

James waited for a moment, sorting through the emotions in his head. “The thing is… I made him feel like I wouldn’t be accepting. This morning, when we were talking, he said he was scared. I’m part of the reason he was scared.”

Already, Remus was shaking his head. “He wasn’t scared you wouldn’t be accepting; he was scared of other people finding out. No, not of you telling people. Just that they’d find out.”

“That literally makes no sense.”

“Look, James, the way he grew up—if there’s one thing he learned it’s that if you tell one, you’ve told them all. He came out when he was ready to come out. Maybe not to the world—not yet—but to you.”

He nodded slowly. “I think I’ve got it. Oh—and, Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“He makes you really happy, doesn’t he?” 

“Really happy.” Even without the words, Remus’s grin would have said it all. 

“You make him happy, too. Happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.”

“Thanks—” 

“Don’t mess it up.” 

Remus laughed. “I should have known. Trust me, though, Pots; I’ve got no intention too.”

That seemed to be that—James made his way to the locker room, catching Sirius’s eyes upon entry and winking. Sirius simply rolled his eyes and walked over, bumping their shoulders together. “What did you guys talk about?”

James didn’t even try to lie. “You, mostly.” 

“Should have guessed.” Glancing away briefly, Sirius lowered his voice to barely more than a whisper. “Thanks, by the way.” 

“For what?” 

“Bullying me into telling Loops I love him?”

“Eh, that was mostly you. I just kind of stood there and let you talk at me.”

“Fuck off.” 

“Really, though.” James was only partly joking when he added, “I’ll be here for you again when you want to propose.”

A red flush spread across Sirius’s cheeks. “Maybe not for a while yet,” he said, smiling straight ahead at the jersey hanging in his locker. “But someday.” 

[multifandomfic20]

Feelings Part 2

A/N: Yeah so I'm finally posting part 2 after months. Sorry it took so long

“Guys this is my boyfriend Gideon” Sirius tells them.

To say the other three boys are shocked is an understatement Remus feels like his heart just got ripped out “since when do you have a boyfriend pads?” James asks, confused.

“Um since earlier” Sirius says confused on why they aren’t happy for them “um I’m gonna go I’ll see you later Siri” Gideon says as he kisses Sirius on the cheek Remus wants to cry and throw up at the same time when he sees Gideon kiss Sirius on the cheek.

“Bye Gideon” Sirius beams at Gideon kissing him on the cheek. Once Gideon leaves Sirius turns to the other three marauders “what’s wrong with you three you didn’t even say anything to Gideon when I introduced you guys” Sirius says.

“We were just confused pads, I didn’t even know you liked Prewett” James says “his name is Gideon and yes I do like him he asked me out and why wouldn’t I say yes” Sirius says annoyed that they aren’t happy for them.

James grabs Sirius’ arm and drags him into the bathroom, once they are in the bathroom James shuts the door “what the hell prongs” Sirius says “what the hell is a matter with you? I thought you liked Moony?” James asks.

Sirius gasps he never told James that how the hell did he find out “look I got tired of waiting around for someone who would never love me back and then Gideon asked me out and he’s sweet and nice and funny why the hell wouldn’t I say yes?” SIrius asks.

“Moony loves you too” James tells Sirius “bullshit Moony isn’t gay and he would never like me now can’t you just be happy for me?” Sirius asks annoyed “of course I’m happy for you but you know you’re just stringing Gideon along when you are in love with someone else” James tells Sirius.

“I’m not stringing him along,” Sirius says as he leaves the bathroom.

While Sirius and James were in the bathroom Peter and Remus were siting on James’ bed “I was stupid for thinking Sirius would ever love me” Remus says “no Moony he does love you I don’t know why he’s with Prewett” Peter tells Remus and before Remus can respond Sirius comes out of the bathroom.

“I’m going to go prank some slytherins, come find me when you guys actually want to be happy for me” Sirius tells them as he leaves the dorm room.

“I take it the conversation in the bathroom didn’t go well?” Peter asks “well he pretty much admitted he was in love with Moony but then when I told him Moony liked him back he said that was impossible and then pretty much called me a bad friend” James told them.

“So what you’re saying is that Moony just has to tell Sirius how he feels and then this mess will be over” Peter says “you’re crazy if you think I’m going to tell him now he obviously doesn’t have feelings for me because if he did he wouldn’t be with someone else” Remus tells them.

“Moony that’s not true Sirius does love you he just doesn’t realize you love him back and so he’s trying to pretend those feelings don’t exist” James tries to explain “he obviously doesn’t and I’m done with this conversation I’m going to the library” Remus says and he gets up and leaves the dorm.

“They are both so stupid” Peter says and james just nods his head.

It’s a couple days later and Sirius is on date with Gideon, he hasn’t spoken with the other marauders in days because they haven’t apologized to him and so he’s been ignoring them.

Sirius and Gideon are at the three broomsticks and they both got butterbeer and they are sitting at a table “what’s wrong?” Gideon asks, he's noticed that Sirius has been acting off this whole date.

“Oh nothing” Sirius says not wanting to get into it with Gideon “that’s not true, come on you can tell me” Gideon says as he grabs SIrius’ hand. And in that moment he realizes that he is stringing Gideon along and he can’t do that to Gideon he doesn’t deserve that.

Sirius pulls his hand away “look Gideon you’re amazing and in any other situation this would be amazing but I can’t string you along I’m in love with someone else and I thought that I could get over him but I can’t I’m so sorry” Sirius tells him.

Gideon sighs “look Sirius anyone would be so lucky to have you, you should tell him how you feel because unless he’s insane he probably feels the same way” Gideon tells Sirius.

“Can we still be friends?” Sirius asks “of course and if you ever need someone to talk to about anything I’ll be here” Gideon tells him, Sirius kisses Gideon on the cheek “thank you for everything Gideon” Sirius says as he leaves to go find Remus.

Remus, Peter and James are all hanging out, Peter and James are buying Remus a bunch of chocolate because Sirius is on his date and they know Remus is upset “you know you don’t have to do this right guys? I’m fine” Remus tells them.

“We want to Moony now shut up and let us buy you chocolate” James says and before Remus can respond Sirius comes running over to them “I knew I would find you guys here, can I talk to you alone Moony?” SIrius asks.

Remus just nods and SIrius and Remus walk off, once they are alone Sirius starts ranting “look Moony I know you don’t feel the same way and please don’t let this ruin our friendship but I love you I’m in love with you I’ve been been in love with you for years probably since I first met you and-” before Sirius can continue Remus kisses Sirius.

When they finally pull apart Remus says “I love you too I don’t know how long I’ve loved you but I do I love you and I want to be with you” Remus says and Sirius just kisses Remus again.

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Five times the Marauders came out to Mcgonogall and the one time she had to drag it out of them and the one time she had to tell them to...

TRIGGER WARNING: Internalized Homophobia

ONE: Sirius - (Asexual) Gay

Sirius storms into Mcgonogall’s office in third year, bruises on his body and fire in his eyes. He plunks himself down across from her and declares, “I’m gay, I hate sex, and I want to spend the rest of my life in love with Remus John Lupin.”

Mcgonogall, who had been reading up to this point, slowly closes her book as she raises her eyebrow.

“Is that so?” She asks, and Sirius nods once, sharply.

“I love him,” he says. “And he loves me. And I’m gonna marry him.”

Mcgonogall hums, opening her book back up and leaning back in her chair.

“Werewolves can’t get married, Mr. Potter,” she says, and Sirius glares.

“I will marry him,” he says, and Mcgonogall sighs.

“There is no doubt in my mind you will, Mr. Potter,” she drawls. “I merely mean you may have to do so illegally. However, if your recent trips to the school library regarding only books on the process of becoming an Animagus are anything to go by, I daresay that will not be much of an obstacle for you.”

Sirius shrugs, dropping his chin down onto his arms. “Guess not. Whatcha readin’?”

Mcgonogall sighs.

TWO: Severus - Asexual (Queer)

Severus starts hanging out in Mcgonogall’s office in most of his free time. She knows him well enough by now, it being fifth year and all, but she worries about his severe lack of friends. Barring Lily, he doesn’t hang out with anyone.

He’s draped across her desk on his back, legs and head hanging over either side and holding up a book as he reads, when she asks him how he’s doing. He shrugs.

“Fine.”

She digs a bit deeper - “I notice you only seem to spend time with Miss Evans. Aren’t you lonely?” Severus shrugs again.

“She’s the love of my life. I’m good.”

Mcgonogall sighs. She doesn’t ask any more questions, but after a few moments have passed, Severus speaks up.

“I really am fine, Professor,” he says, sending her a small smile. “I’m best friends with the girl of my dreams, I know the fact that I’m ace as fuck and queer isn’t gonna change that, and I know who I am. I’m fantastic.”

Mcgonogall rakes her eyes over his body, taking in his loose posture and defiant eyes and the skirt he wears nearly every day, and she shrugs.

“If you’re sure,” she says, and Severus lets out a small laugh.

“I’m sure,” he says softly. “It’s just one of those things, you know? A fact of life. James Potter is a prat, Sirius Potter and Remus Lupin are in love, and Severus Snape is fine.”

He trails off. “Just fine.”

Mcgonogall smiles at him. Severus grins back.

“Being normal is boring,” he quips, and it’s that moment that Mcgonogall starts to question his feud with the Marauders, because honestly they could all be incredible friends if they just got past their stubborn pride.

THREE: Peter - Bisexual

In fifth year he develops a huge crush on the new transfer student Maxwell Needles, who came from Beauxbatons and is now a Hufflepuff at Hogwarts. They TA at the library and Peter loves them, and, naturally, panics to Mcgonogall one day about it.

He’s sitting there, bouncing in a chair and fidgeting, when she blurts, “Just ask them out.”

Peter’s head snaps up, his wide shocked eyes fixing on her.

“What?” He whispers, and Mcgonogall sighs, shaking her head.

“Ask them out. Everything you’ve told me says you’ve got a solid chance.”

Peter flushes bright red, looking down at his hands and shaking his head.

“No, no. I… they’re so cool, Professor. They have magenta hair and they wear leather and spikes all the time and they just… they’re loud and rebellious and so, so out of my league.”

(In her head, Mcgonogall facepalms.)

“Oh please,” Mcgonogall says, waving her hand in dismissal. “You’re a Marauder. Besides, leagues are nonexistent. But if you really feel so badly, here’s the test they took last week.”

She hands him a paper, with Max’s name signed at the top. There are hearts doodled all over it with the initials P + M and the name Pettigrew-Needles? Needles-Pettigrew? Maxwell Pettigrew? Peter Needles? written all over it. Peter pinkens, but smiles, and hands it back to her, shaking just a bit less.

“Thank you, Professor,” he mumbles, a grin slowly taking over his face, and Mcgonogall waves his words away.

“Nonsense,” she says, smiling. “Anything to help my favorite bisexual rat.”

Peter groans. Mcgonogall grins.

“Now go. Ask them out.”

Peter blushes, but nods.

“Yes, Professor,” he mumbles, and skitters off as she looks down triumphantly at the test, scrawling quickly next to the O on it, Congratulations on your new Marauder boyfriend. Come to me for therapy when you need it :)

(Max beams brighter than the sun when Mcgonogall passes it back.)

FOUR: Lily - (Polyamorous) Trans FTM

Lily is completing some Prefect duties (read: paperwork) in Mcgonogall’s office in sixth year when she suddenly heaves roughly and stands up, shoving her way out of the room. Mcgonogall follows her, concerned, and finds her emerging from one of the uniform closets in pants.

She raises her eyebrow at the sight, to which Lily sighs and waves her hand.

“Do you have scissors and a big sweater I could borrow? Oh, and some paint?”

Mcgonogall purses her lips, but finds Lily the things she needs. Lily shrugs the sweater over her shoulders, drags her pink, blue, and white fingers all down her cheeks, and lifts the scissors to her hair. Mcgonogall’s mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ as she steps forward with an outstretched hand, her eyes wide as she watches Lily shear off nearly all her hair.

“Miss Evans,” she hisses, snatching the scissors back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Lily glares at her, running her fingers through her newly shorn hair and tugging down the hem of her sweater.

“Making myself Mr. Evans,” he spits, and stomps out of the room with his hands clenched into fists by his sides.

(Mcgonogall gifts him the scissors the next day, with the nonchalant explanation, “For whenever you need to cut your hair again, of course. Mr. Evans.”

Lily beams.)

FIVE: Remus - (Asexual) Panromantic

Mcgonogall has never met anyone who hates themself as fiercely as Remus Lupin does.

In sixth year, he starts to shrink further and further into himself, even distancing himself from Sirius. And then, one day, he slams his way into Mcgonogall’s classroom three hours after curfew and collapses into the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to join him from her rooms.

“Mr. Lupin?” She asks. “What ever could possess you to -”

He thrusts his hand out, showing her a silver ring engraved with a black pawprint. Her mouth shuts like a vice. They sit there for a few moments in complete and utter silence until finally Remus mutters, “He wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall purses her lips.

“I can see that,” she says, knotting her fingers together in front of her. Remus stares down at his hands in shock.

“He wants to marry me,” he says again, in marvel. “I’ve been pulling away from him because I’m a sexless werewolf who will end up whoring himself out on the streets after graduation because no person would ever reasonably hire me and I’ll probably off myself before I’m thirty and I’ve been pushing him away for three weeks trying to prepare myself for when he inevitably breaks my heart and instead he wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall is readying to break down the mountains of bullshit that just sprang from her favorite student’s mouth when Remus looks up at her through teary eyes and whispers, “How do I take it back?”

Mcgonogall raises her eyebrow.

“Now why would you do that?” She asks, choosing her words carefully. “You were born to stand by Sirius Potter’s side, there was never any doubt in that at all.”

Remus shrugs.

“He deserves better than a piece of shit like me,” he mumbles. “My life has been a death sentence since I was five. I don’t want to drag him down with me.”

Mcgonogall feels her heart break in her chest. She doesn’t show it.

“Mr. Lupin,” she says, quietly. “I am quite certain he intends to lift you up. But if I may speak frankly, my dear - and I will whether you like it or not - that boy loves you more than I thought it was possible to love another human being. And Sirius Potter may be many things, but he is not an idiot - I am quite certain that he knew what being with you would entail long before he ever acted on his feelings for you, and I do believe that if you are truly to live such a life, not a day will go by he is not by your side living the same.”

Remus flushes. He fiddles with his ring, then shrugs.

“Thanks, I guess,” he mumbles, and stands to leave, never looking back at her. Mcgonogall simply nods.

“Oh, and Mr. Lupin?” She calls as he slips through the door. He freezes. She smiles.

“While your heart has the capacity to love all others, I’m not sure it will ever recognize a face other than Sirius Potter Lupin’s.”

As Remus flees, she catches just the last glimpse of his neck above his robes - scarred as ever, and flaming red.

ONE: Regulus - (Nonbinary Male) (Asexual) Queer

Mcgonogall comes back after rounds one night in seventh year (his sixth) to find Regulus Black asleep at one of the desks in her classroom. She shakes him awake, bending down to ask if he’s okay, and Regulus breaks into tears, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m queer,” he warbles. “I’m a piece of gay shit just like my brother and I don’t know what to do.”

Mcgonogall places a gentle hand on his back.

“That’s okay, Regulus,” she says, but he only shakes his head more violently.

“It’s not okay,” he rasps. “It’s not okay. I can’t be like that, Sirius is like that and look what happened to him -”

Mcgonogall opens her mouth to answer but Regulus just keeps babbling, trying to tear himself away.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t. You don’t understand, Miss, I can’t -”

“Regulus Lupin,” Mcgonogall snaps, grasping his wrists. He freezes, going pliant in her hands at the name, and she stares deep into his eyes as she speaks.

“You are queer, and that is okay. Your brother is a kind, wonderful person who loves you more than life itself and is already making plans with his fiance to take you in once he’s of age. I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to know you can love whoever you want to.”

Regulus calms. He deflates, turning to putty in her hands, and she gathers him close, hugging him until Sirius, Remus, and James come looking for him.

ONE: James - (Polyamorous) Bisexual

While James Potter may be one of Mcgonogall’s favorite students, he is also the one she most often wants to murder.

In the last week of seventh year, he gets up on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during breakfast and shouts, “I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!”

Naturally, everyone looks up at him, including Mcgonogall, whose hand is already on her wand. James pulls Severus and Lily up on the table with him, snogs Lily filthily and dips Severus into a kiss as Lily laughs, and then straightens back up and screams, “I’M SO FUCKING BISEXUAL!”

Sirius, obviously, decides the best course of action is to then scream, “I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING EVANS!”

James turns bright red, Severus starts sputtering, Lily guffaws loudly and Mcgonogall gives all of them detention for the rest of their lives, though she has a particularly hard time getting James off the table:

“Get off the table please, you can’t be up there - DiD yOU jUSt cALL mE HOmoPhoBIC JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER COME BACK HERE SO I CAN FUCKING STRANGLE YOU -”

(Ah, Dumbledore thinks. Good times.)

[futurebicon]

Reactions

Still have writers block so here are the different players and others reaction to Coops

Regulus: He was surprised to say the least. He kind of just stared at his phone for a couple of minutes, which was blowing up with tweets and text messages. He thought that would have noticed that his brother was gay in the years they spent in their house. But considering their parents, it’s not surprising he had been good at hiding it. He didn’t care that he was gay, it didn’t matter at all to him. His team mates and parents had different views on it. And he had to act like he shared these views. He felt like crying every time he was forced to make a remark. When he went back to Gryffindor with Sirius after the All Stars game, he felt even worse about it. Sirius was so happy around him. He would walk downstairs in the morning and see Sirius sitting all the counter beside the stove as Remus made pancakes for them, Sirius talking to him about a new thing everyday as his hands played with his boyfriends hair. Remus leaning over and kissing Sirius every few minutes. Regulus normally snuck back upstairs, giving the couple a few more minutes of blissfulness before Sirius texted him that breakfast was ready.

James: James, well, James felt stupid. Very, very stupid. James was Sirius’s best friend. How had he not noticed? To be fair he was a very unobservant person but still. Looking back he did see the little glances between the two of them. He thought he had a girlfriend. He gossiped to Sirius’s boyfriend about Sirius’s girlfriend. Why is he an actual dumb ass. But they were actually adorable. He joined in on Lily’s fangirling moments when they were around. Cuddling on the couch and whispering to each other with the brightest smiles on their faces. Remus getting Sirius to talk about things James never in a million years thought he would ever say out loud. 

Dumo: Dumo knew. To be fair he did get them together but he felt like squealing like a little kid every time he saw them. The little glances. The heart eyes when they thought no one was watching. The way their cheeks colored slightly when they looked at each other at the same time. The touches that lingered a little too long. He saw it all. When they were outed he was fuming, no one deserved that. No one at all. It was their secret to tell, not someones to tell for them. But after they were more comfortable the glances weren’t just glances. They didn’t blush too much anymore. The touches did have to be subtle, they didn’t have to just linger. They could stay touching. Wrapping their arms around the others neck. Kiss the other quickly, or not so quickly. Cuddling on the couch at the teams more then monthly movie movie nights. The quiet whispered that turned into little giggles the team had never thought Sirius could do, followed by Remus’s smiling shushes. Which only made them laugh more. Popcorn is quickly thrown at them everytime.

Leo: He saw the glances like Dumo did. It might of taken him a little longer than the older man, but he still noticed. He hadn’t been 110% sure when he walked up to Loops during family skate, but he was 100% sure the look that crossed his Captains face when he saw Remus skating did not have a heterosexual explanation. 

The Team: There was mixed reactions to the news. Most of them good, the bad ones were shut up quickly with death glares more terrifying then ones even shown on the ice. Once the couple got more comfortable showing PDA it was impossible not to love their love. The quick kisses when Sirius got on or got off the bench. Sirius leaning against Remus’s chest while talking. Remus’s arm over his shoulder, Sirius reaching up his arm to tangle his fingers with Remus’s. Leaning down when someone else was talking, kissing the other. They all understand how much Sirius needed Remus. Anytime his family was being their usual awful selves Remus got him to talk about it instead of bottling it all up and working himself to the point of pure exhaustion. When Sirius was anxious about a game, or anything really. He reacted in one of two ways.

Way one is he gets angry. Working them harder during practice. Yelling at them during games. Way two is he shuts down. Doesn’t talk to anyone, just sits in his stall, bouncing his leg and fidgeting with his necklace. Which ever one it is Remus is the only one that can snap him out of it. Pulling him forcefully into his office while he’s in the middle of snapping at someone. Or crouching down in front of him, pulling his head down to his shoulder and whispering quietly to one another before going into his office. No one knew what Remus did, but whatever it was seemed to work. 

It’s 1:47 in the morning so sorry if it sounds like I’m sleep deprived because I am.

@lumosinlove

[bethansfandoms]

Ahhhhh so, if you take requests still; either Remus being open about being bi/gay to his parents who still loves and accepts him, though all of a sudden he shuts then out bc he is being abused by his bf (maybe physically during school and mentally during the holidays) and Lyall becomes really protective, or B, Remus feeling like a monster but Lyall makes sure he knows he is loved just as he is? Bc lyall is an awesome dad and I need more remus-Lyall fanfics?? Bc really cute?????

Okay so I took a&b and tried to combine them but instead I ended up with something completely different, i’m so sorry. I’m also sorry it took me so long to get round to this prompt! I hope you still enjoy it x

“You nervous?” Remus asked as they apparated infront of the cottage in rural Wales.

Frankly, Remus was impressed they’d appeared so close to his front door as they’d only just passed their apparition tests.

“No. I’ve met your dad before at kings cross. And you speak very highly of your mum so...” it was a lie. Sirius was terrified. He’d met Lyall before but they’d never really spoken, he’d only come to drop off or pick up Remus.

He’d certainly never met him in circumstances like this.

“Relax,” Remus assured. “They’ll love you.” He squeezed Sirius’s hand reassuringly as he pushed open the door. Sirius almost scoffed, his own parents didn’t even love him.

“Lyall! Remus and Sirius are here!” A blonde lady with a soft welsh accent called up the stairs. “Goodness, you arrived quickly. You Apparate here first try?” She asked.

Remus smiled and nodded and she gripped him in a tight hug. “It’s lovely to have you back for summer Remus.” She pulled away, beaming at him, a smile that strongly resembled Remus’s. “Goodness, look at you! Have you grown again!” She squeezed his shoulder before turning to Sirius.

“It’s lovely to see you too Sirius, it’s nice to finally meet you!”

Sirius smiled politely and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you too Mrs Lupin.”

She chuckled, “call me Hope, dear.”

Lyall appeared moments later and, in a similar fashion to Hope, congratulated them on appertaining so well before pulling Remus into a tight hug. He shook Sirius’s hand politely and invited them both to sit down in their cozy living room.

Sirius sat in silence as the three of them told each other what they’d been getting up to. Sirius couldn’t help but feel a little awkward.

Instead of joining in the conversation, he took the chance to admire Remus’s home. Weirdly, it was exactly like he’d imagined. It was just so homely, complete polar opposite to Grimmauld place.

Hope went to finish up dinner and Lyall took the chance to include Sirius in the conversation.

“So, you’re a Black, huh? And of all the people I thought would end up dating my son...”

“Oh. Yes. Ha,” Sirius said rather awkwardly. “Don’t get to choose our family. Unfortunately,” he muttered.

“I was at school with Walburga. Vile woman.”

Sirius laughed. He decided he quite liked Lyall Lupin.

“Still, I suspect you were brought up a certain way, no? Taught prejudices about our world.”

Sirius was slightly taken back, “uh...”

Remus took hold of his hand again. “Dad, Sirius doesn’t live with his family anymore, you know that.”

Lyall looked at the two of them, “yes. Yes I know. It’s sometimes hard to shake what we’re taught though.”

Sirius looked desperately at Remus, “I- I’m sorry I don’t quite know what this is about, sir.”

Lyall smiled, “you can drop the sir. I’m simply curious as to how your attitudes align with those of your family.”

“Well, they disowned me so I’d say we’re not exactly on the same page. Wait this isn’t about—” he looked at Lyall nervously. “I know. About Remus’s... affliction.”

Lyall looked slightly surprised at this, “you do?”

So Remus hadn’t told them that, apparently, Sirius felt it probably had something to do with the fact that his parents could most definitely not find out that he, James and Peter were illegal animagi.

“And you’re okay with that?”

Sirius smiled, “Yes. Yes of course I am.”

“You say of course like all wizards are. I have met plenty of wizards, like your family, who think... who think people like that...” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. Sirius put it down to the fact that he didn’t want to upset Remus.

“I’m not like them, I swear.”

Lyall nodded. “Good. I won’t have the likes of people with prejudice having any sort of relationship with my son.”

“Dad,” Remus warned, “you don’t need to be so protective.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt, Remus. There are people in our world who, once they find out what you are, will define you by it. That’s all they’ll be able to see when they look at you. You deserve better than that.”

“I know, dad,” Remus sighed. “Sirius is better than that, though. Trust me,” he smiled lovingly at Sirius and squeezed his hand.

Lyall nodded and looked at Sirius intently. Before he could say whatever was clearly on his mind, however, Hope called them through for dinner and Remus leapt up from the sofa, clearly desperate to exit the conversation.

“I won’t have anyone near my son who thinks he’s a monster, Sirius. You understand my questioning? I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t,” Sirius assured him. “And I don’t think Remus is a monster. I—” he watched Remus scoot his chair under the table and smile up at his mum. “I love him.”

Lyall nodded, “good. I love him too. He deserves love, that boy.”

Sirius nodded, “yes. Yes I know.” He went to join Remus and Hope in the kitchen when Lyall grabbed his arm to stop him.

“You deserve to be loved as well, Sirius. Remus told me about your family. I hope I didn’t upset you by suggesting you were like them. No one deserves a family like that.”

Sirius smiled, “thankyou, sir.”

“Drop the sir,” Lyall reminded him.

“I’m glad Remus has you and Hope as parents.”

Lyall nodded and clapped Sirius on the back gently, “I’m glad Remus has you for a boyfriend.”

[casualmaraudering]

How do you think family members reacted to Redmoonstar? Reg, Gideon, Hope, etc

let me spread this into sections (yes im giving you a wholeass post anon lmao, I adore this ship, they deserve my attention)

and I'm sorry this got quite this long, I talk a lot sbdmwvdjs

Sirius's family:

Regulus is entirely unbothered about Sirius being gay and in a poly relationship. he only questions how is it that two seemingly very smart people managed to loose all their braincells and, of all the people in the world, date his dumbass older brother. he's entirely unhelpful when it comes to any drama within the relationship, he's just completely unbothered by romance, so usually he'll just roll his eyes at everyone's antics. but he does support Sirius completely, even if he calls Sirius a gay loser a lot

James thinks it's brilliant, not much to it. sometimes, especially before Lily asks him on a date, he would be grumpy about it like "how is it fair that you have two boyfriends and no one wants to date me." but it's just him being a bit sour, nothing towards Sirius personally. he loves Remus like a brother, and that quickly extends towards Fabian as well. and Fabian is a Quidditch player, so he's got extra points for that

Mr and Mrs Potter, again, King and Queen of parenthood, they think it's very lovely. Remus and Fabian are two very well behaved boys with good grades, perfect spouse material, this relationship has their blessing

when it comes to Sirius's biological family, when the word spreads, Sirius does get a few nasty letters that contain a lot of lovely words and even lovelier threats, but of course, who cares? he does sometimes, but he has his chosen family to remind him this isn't important

Remus's family:

His parents have always supported him, through and through - first when he came out as trans, then as bi, and then admitted to dating Fabian and Sirius. Hope is one of the most supportive people out there, she loves Remus so much, all she wants is for him to be happy and loved, and she does her part in making sure he has a loving home. Lyall is, well,,, a bit of a typical dad, he's awkward, doesn't talk much, but he supports Remus too, he just has issues showing or saying it.

Remus's extended family is a bit more difficult. He has some allies within the family - Lyall's older sister, and some of his younger cousins, but when it comes to the most, they're really traditional. Remus is considered a slut for living with two boys, basically, and there's a lot of very colourful words thrown around about Sirius and Fabian (Remus isn't out as trans to anyone aside his parents and that one aunt, but even if he was, his family would be awful about it too). But Remus only ever has to see them around Christmas, sometimes summer, so other than that he just doesn't think about it

Fabian's family (tw for some internalised homophobia):

in my headcanons, Fabian is closeted for a really long time, to the point where none of his family even knows he's gay by the time he moves in together with Sirius and Remus. they're a very close knit family and Fabian loves and cherishes them so much, they're so important to him that he doesn't want to risk anything damaging it - and to him, that includes talking about his sexuality.

he tries very hard to be a perfect son and brother and uncle. he studies hard, he plays sports, he wants to make his family proud, and for a long time he struggles with his sexuality cause it makes him feel inferior, especially when being compared to Gideon - which happens all the time, they're twins, it's normal. and he loves Gid, of course he does, but he feels like he has to make up for being gay, because Gid is straight, he'll have a "normal" relationship and a "normal" family, and Fabian won't. one of Fabian's biggest fears is loosing his family and he sadly feels that coming out might make it happen

but for what it's worth, they figured out he might be into boys rather early in his life. They just agreed not to talk about it until he's ready. They all wouldn't mind. And while their mom is rather old and traditional, she loves Fabian so much, she'd get adjusted to Remus and Sirius. It's just a matter of Fabian gathering up the courage to come out

[queerpsychopomp]

Revelations

A/N: Written for bi visibility day, featuring bi!nb!Sirius figuring out he’s bi, bi!Marlene, and supportive Marauders! Partially inspired by this art by @gin-draws

AO3 | Masterlist

Sirius knew something was off with him while hanging out with Benjy Fenwick. James was busy with quidditch practice, and both Remus and Peter landed themselves in detention after completely buggering up what should have been a simple snack run the night before — served them right for not bringing him back some brownies — so Sirius found himself spending the morning with the Ravenclaw boy. 

They hung out in the library of all places, Benjy trying to finish his Charms essay while Sirius was flicking through his history of magic textbook, trying to get himself to care enough about the giant uprising of 1305 to start his essay, which technically was two days late, but Binns forgot to ask the class for them and no one bothered to remind the ghost so it wasn’t really his fault.

Benjy looked over when he sighed for the millionth time and grinned a little. “You were just bragging that you were the top student in your year, but here you are being defeated by one tiny essay.” 

Sirius looked over, something witty on the tip of his tongue, before faltering. Maybe it was the way that the sunlight filtered through the window to make Benjy’s brown eyes light up, or how when he grinned he had a dimple on his right cheek, but Sirius’ tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he just shrugged lamely in response. 

Thankfully Benjy just raised an eyebrow and let it drop without comment, possibly thinking that flipping through the textbook had made his brain foggy the same way history of magic lectures did. 

The interaction haunted him for the next week and he thanked Merlin and Morgana that the professors started their tirade of assigning extra homework in preparation for the NEWTs, which meant that they couldn’t hang out for a few days while Benjy drowned in the mountain of work.

Sirius thought about it long and hard. He knew something was always a little different about him, but did he fancy blokes? What even qualified as fancying someone? Sure he had thought of people as attractive in passing but he never really found himself interested in dating. It wasn’t like people didn’t think he was attractive, quite the opposite, it spurred many a rumor about his love life in the past, but he never really had a girlfriend before. Or a boyfriend. He never felt the same way about someone that James felt about Lily, as obnoxious as he was about it.

He needed to talk to someone. Not the boys. He was sure that they’d be alright with the whole maybe-liking-blokes thing but he wasn’t absolutely certain and it would kill him if they reacted badly.  He couldn’t get rejected by them, he would never recover. So when Marlene asked if he wanted to work on their potions essay together, he agreed. Partially to try and talk to her about the mess he found himself in, and partially because he missed her; Marlene being friends with Lily, and James being, well, James meant that their friend groups couldn’t quite hang out together without risking someone getting hexed. 

Besides, she was gay, she wouldn’t judge him for being gay too.

So that’s how he found himself lounging on the couch in front of the fireplace in the common room after supper, Marlene swatting at his legs every time he stretched out too much and knocked at the textbook on her lap. Chocolate frog boxes littered the table, sacrificed to fuel their essay writing. He was fiddling with one of the cards — Morgan le Fay again — when he mumbled, “I think I might be gay.”

“That’s nice,” Marlene said, scratching her head with her quill, clearly not having heard him properly. 

“Marlene.” 

That got her to look up from her parchment. Noticing the look on his face, she closed her textbook, tossing it and her half finished essay aside. Turning to face him properly, she set her head on her knees, brown eyes looking into grey in a way that made Sirius feel like she was picking at the fabric of his very being, pulling the threads apart and examining them thoroughly before weaving them back together. The light from the fireplace flickering in her eyes and casting shadows on her brown skin made her look like she was some ancient all-knowing witch in a play doing just that. It should have made him nervous but Marlene proved time and time again that she wouldn’t hurt him even though she could. Besides, James trusted her and that was enough for him.

She nudged him with her foot, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Hey, what’s up?”

“ I think I fancy Benjy but I don’t know because I don’t really fancy people and it’s confusing because maybe I’m gay and I don’t know how they boys will react and—”

“Oi, slow down a little,” she said. “Take a breath. What were you saying about Benjy?”

He took a deep breath before trying again. “I mean we were just studying together and I looked over and it felt like I had cotton in my mouth. Obviously he’s a good looking guy and I like hanging out with him but I wanna do more than just hang out with him. I wanna take him to Hogsmeade and hold his hand and snog his stupid face when he grins and that fucking dimple shows up,” Sirius ranted, keeping his gaze fixed on the card in his hand. 

“So you fancy blokes.” No question, no judgement. Just a statement.

Sirius shrugged a little, running a hand through his hair. “I mean- I fancy Benjy. And Puddlemere’s captain is fit. Guess I do fancy blokes,” he mumbled. “So I’m gay?”

Marlene shrugged a little. “If you just fancy blokes, yeah.”

“Like how you fancy girls.”

She blinked, tilting her head a bit to the side. The corner of her mouth curled up a little and there was an amused glint in her eyes that confused him. “I’m not gay Sirius. Yeah, I fancy girls, but I fancy guys too. Well, I can fancy anyone. Stuff like that doesn’t really factor into who I like all that much.”

It was his turn to tilt his head. He imagined he must look something like Padfoot in that moment, the gears in his head churning. “That’s an option?”

Marlene laughed, but there wasn’t any malice behind it. “Yeah, it is. People aren’t just gay or straight. They aren’t even just boys or girls, though that’s an entirely different conversation. They can be bisexual, like me.”

Sirius nodded a little, thinking it over some more. Marlene watched him, not saying anything as this revelation threw him in for another loop. “I think Benjy Fenwick’s fit the same way I think Angela Wilson is fit.”

“Angela Wilson’s out of your league.”

He laughed, the tension he didn’t even know he was holding in his shoulders melting away, and kicked Marlene gently. “Rude.”

“I’m rude? You kicked me!” she laughed, shaking her head. When their laughter died down a little, she asked, “Would you shag Angela Wilson?”

“Course, she’s stunning.” He set his head in his hand, thinking for a moment. “I liked what you said, that you can fancy anyone. I mean, I’ve fancied girls before, and guys but I never thought it meant anything. I didn’t think you could like both. I’m bi.” It felt good to put a word to how he was feeling, that other people felt like he did and — and it wasn’t wrong. 

Marlene smiled, grabbing a chocolate frog from the table and tossing it to him. “Welcome to the club Sirius.”

He caught it easily, smiling a bit. “Thanks Mar. I owe you one.”

“Great, you can help me finish this stupid essay then.”

After cursing Slughorn for assigning the stupid essay at least a hundred times, Marlene and Sirius said their goodbyes and made their way up to their respective dorms once it was finished. Sirius paused outside the dorm, sighing a little as he listened to James and Peter arguing about who ate the last cauldron cake in their collective stash, neither of them suspecting Remus, whom Sirius had seen snatch the cake before going on his prefect rounds yesterday. He knew that they wouldn’t look at him differently and that he could wait to tell them, but he was rubbish at lying to James and they would notice that he was a bumbling mess around Benjy soon enough. Besides, he wanted to tell them, wanted them to help with how to ask Benjy out, wanted to listen to Peter and Remus shoot down all of James’ ideas because they’re too over the top.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside. His face must’ve looked serious, because the bickering stopped when James looked at him. “What happened?”

Sirius shook his head as Remus looked up from his book, setting it aside. Kicking off his shoes, he went to sit beside James on his bed, facing the others. “I, uh, I need to talk to you guys. Everything’s fine, it’s just—”

“Never thought I’d see you tongue tied mate,” Peter teased in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. He gave him a quick smile before running a hand through his hair.

“You can tell us anything you know,” Remus said gently. 

“I know. I’m, well, I’m bi. I’m bi and I’m almost certain I fancy Benjy Fenwick and I really don’t want anything to change between us because you guys are the only family I’ve got and… yeah,” he finished lamely. The dorm was quiet for what felt like ages as what Sirius said sank in and with each passing moment he could feel his heart sinking until—

“We can finally tease him about fancying someone,” James said, bumping his shoulder. “After all the grief you gave me-”

“To be fair, you deserved everything you got Prongs.”

“Oi! Uncalled for Moony!”

Sirius smiled to himself as another round of bickering started, this time between Remus and James. When he finally looked up from his hand, Peter gave him a small smile.

“You know we love you, right? Nothing’s going to change that.”

“I know. Thanks Pete,” he smiled before nodding to the other two. “Right, should we break this up?”

Peter sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not sure we can.”

Sirius smirked a little and quickly said, “Remus ate the last cauldron cake,” just to see the chaos unfold. The result was immediate.

“Moony!”

“I can’t believe this betrayal— I told you I wanted that!”

“How could you Padfoot! They never would have found out if you didn’t say anything!”

The fight lasted well into the night, resulting in a very rushed morning, which was usually fine, but this time it meant that they were sprinting to the Great Hall to snatch whatever they could before booking it to McGonagall’s classroom. 

Once again, that would have been perfectly fine if Sirius didn’t forget that McGonagall had warned him twice before that he would get a detention if he wasn’t wearing his uniform properly.

“Mr. Black, this is the third time in the last two weeks I’ve had to talk to you about the dress code,” McGonagall sighed when he walked in, wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt that the boys had gotten to him for his birthday last year. “I’m afraid you’ll be having detention with me tonight after dinner. If your uniform is not up to code tomorrow, you’ll have detention for the rest of the week, is that clear?”

“Yes professor,” he said, waiting until they sat down before elbowing James, who was barely stifling his laughter. “Shut up.”

“I’m not saying anything—”

“Mr. Potter, please refrain from talking while I’m teaching, unless you wish to join Mr. Black in detention.”

“Sorry professor.”

Sirius smirked at him before paying attention to the lesson, the inklings of a plan forming in his mind.

-----------------------------

“Are you sure about this mate? You could end up with a week’s worth of detention,” James said as they walked to Transfiguration the next day. Sirius shrugged a little.

“Well I’m wearing the uniform properly, it should be fine,” he said, shrugging a little.

“If you get away with this, I’m eating my bloody tie.”

“I’d like to see that,” Remus mumbled to Peter, who chuckled a bit. 

“Where did you even get the uniform?” Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I asked Marlene if she’d loan one of hers to me.”

The three boys walked in ahead of him, Sirius waiting a moment before stepping inside.The usual background chattering before class stopped at the students saw him before McGonagall did. 

The woman turned around and was met with the sight of Sirius wearing the girls uniform. “Mr. Black, what did I say yesterday?”

Sirius shrugged a little. “You just said my uniform had to be up to code… and it is.”

Now, he would swear until the day he died that McGonagall cracked a smile at that before turning to the blackboard to start the lesson. He was already in a good mood after his victory, and Remus and Peter continuously making jokes about James now having to eat his tie, but the thing to push him over the edge happened as they were walking to lunch. 

“Look who’s coming our way,” Remus mumbled, nudging Sirius. 

James raised an eyebrow and looked around before grinning and elbowing Sirius. “Look out lover boy-”

“Lay off James. Come on, both of you walk ahead,” Peter said, pushing Remus and James towards the hall and away from Sirius. He was confused only for a moment more until Benjy came into view.

“Hey Benjy.”

“Hey,” Benjy grinned a little, running a hand through his hair. Curse him and his stupidly cute dimple. “So it’s true.”

“What, the uniform?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. “Does the whole school already know?”

“Well gossip does spread quickly,” he said, shrugging a little. ”I wanted to see if it was true. It’s a good look.”

“Well I do have the legs for it,” Sirius shrugged with a grin, heart skipping a beat. 

Benjy laughed and Sirius could tell that he was absolutely gone for this boy. He’d have to figure out if the Ravenclaw was interested soon, because this was killing him.

“Right, well, I won’t keep you from lunch anymore. I can still sit with you lot for the game, yeah?”

“Course, the boys won’t mind.”

Sirius was in such a good mood afterwards that he didn’t care that the boys were teasing him about the dumb look on his face, or that he got some less-than-friendly looks from some of the students. And if he was being honest, he liked the girls uniform, but there was no time to unpack that. Not when he had to figure out how to ask Benjy out.

------------------------------------

The Christmas holidays were fast approaching and for once, Sirius was excited for them. For starters, he would be going home to the Potters to celebrate as a family. Marlene was going to visit around the same time as Remus and Peter so he’d be able to see all his friends without having to sneak out of his bedroom window. 

Oh, and he and Benjy had been dating for three weeks now. So yeah, things were going very well for him. 

But the uniform incident was still stuck in his head.

“Sometimes I wish I would wear girl clothes,” Sirius mumbled as he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was two days until they were going home for the holidays, so the boys were all in the dorm, packing their things. Well, all of them except Sirius.

“You can if you want,” Remus said, glancing up from his trunk.

“And we’ll hex anyone who’s an arse about it,” James added. 

“No, I mean it’s more than that,” he sighed, frustrated with himself and trying to figure out how to say what he was feeling. “Sometimes I feel like, well, like a girl, but sometimes I feel like a boy, and then sometimes I don’t feel like either, that I’m just me and — nevermind, this is dumb.” 

Sirius pushed himself up and, ignoring the calls of his friends, went for a walk to get rid of his pent up energy. The boys didn’t talk about his outburst earlier and Sirius appreciated it. James chucked Benjy’s scarf at his head to remind Sirius to pack it and everything was forgotten.

Well, he thought everything was forgotten.

He knew something was up when James hovered at his door after Christmas dinner, fidgeting like he did when he was hiding something. Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking up from his magazine about motorbikes they’d picked up during their last trip into town. “You can come in Jamie, no need to look like I’m going to toss you out.”

“Right, sorry,” James said, coming to sit on the bed with him, hiding something behind his back. “Mum and Dad are gonna call us down to open presents once the rasmalai is done, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, looking at him carefully. James was never this unsure and it was starting to worry him. “Mate, if something’s wrong, you can talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah! I mean, no, everything’s fine with me, I just needed to— ugh,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up in all directions, looking much too stressed for someone wearing snitch pajama pants. “Remember what we were talking about before the holidays?”

Sirius furrowed his brow a little before realizing what he was talking about and nodding a little. “It was nothing Jamie, don’t worry about it—”

“No, it was obviously important to you,” he cut across, shaking his head. “The boys and I did some research and think that what you were talking about sounds like being nonbinary. Like, your gender changes and your pronouns change— or maybe not!  And— fuck, Moony would’ve been better at explaining this,” he muttered. “But does that sound right?”

Slowly Sirius nodded a little as he thought about it more. “Yeah. I mean, most days I just feel like me, y’know? I don’t really think about myself as a boy or a girl until I do and, well, I don’t know.”

“Right. Would you maybe want to go by, shit, what did Moony day? Oh! By they/them pronouns instead of he/him?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay,” James said before shoving a box into Sirius’ hands. “It’s from all of us. I figured you might want to open this up here.”

Sirius just raised an eyebrow at him before looking down at the box. It was small, which meant it was probably another ring to add to his collection. Opening it, he found a black ring with a clear stone set into it. “It’s a ring.”

“Put it on.”

“Alright, pushy,” he teased a little, sliding it on. It was a perfect fit of course; the boys probably nicked one of his to make sure it was the right size. “It’s nice, thanks mate.”

“Hold on, it’s special. Think about what you want to be called.”

He raised an eyebrow, but did just that. As he did, the clear stone turned red, like a ruby. All he could manage to say was, “What?”

“We enchanted it. Red is they/them, blue is he/him, and purple is she/her,” James explained quickly. “This way we don’t have to bother you all the time asking what you want to go by. We made a bunch of little cards that explain it too, so you can give them to other people without repeating yourself—”

Sirius cut him off by pulling him into a hug, smiling into his shoulder. “Thanks Jamie, it’s perfect. Remind me to thank the boys when they come over.”

James smiled and hugged them back. “Course mate, you’re family. We’d do anything for you. And if you want, we can go to Diagon Alley this week and get you another uniform. My parents are gonna be supportive, so don’t worry about that.”

“I’d like that.”

----------------------------------

Sirius made their way to McGonagall’s office the first evening they were back from the holiday break, knocking lightly. They let out a breath when she said, “Come in,” and stepped inside. 

Now that they were here, doubt was starting to creep in. What if McGonagall thought this was all a lie? Or that they were being dramatic, or that this was a phase? Sure, the boys, the Potters, Marlene, and Benjy all took it well, but this was different.

“Ah, Mr. Black. Sit, have a biscuit,” McGonagall said when they stepped inside. Setting her work aside, she looked at Sirius while they sat down, noting that they were once again wearing the girls uniform. “What can I do for you?”

Sirius fiddled with their ring for a moment, trying to figure out how to start. “Well, I figured out over the break that I’m nonbinary and sometimes I have different pronouns. James, Remus, and Peter enchanted this ring to change colours based on what I want to be called. Here,” they said, handing one of the cards the boys made to her.

“I see,” she said, looking at the card before looking at their ring. “I’ll make sure all the professors are notified. If you run into any trouble, you come straight to me, understand?”

Sirius couldn’t hold back the grin that spread on their face. “Of course. Thank you professor.”

McGonagall waved off the thanks. “Now, take another biscuit and head to your dorms. You have my class first thing in the morning and I expect you to be on time.”

“Yes ma’am.”

When Sirius showed up the next morning and said, “Good morning professor,” they weren’t sure what to expect. They didn’t exactly want to be called Mr. or Ms. Black, but what else would she call them?

McGonagall took a moment to look at their ring before responding, “Good morning Sirius. Make sure Mr. Potter doesn’t fall asleep in my class, will you? It looks as if he’s already drifting off.”

Sirius grinned a little and nodded. “Of course professor.”

[snip-snap-the-bat]

I got a social media au THING in my brain and I'm gonna share it

Okay so?? This is quick so I don't forget it also this is like?? Gen z?? Is that it? Idk. It's like the 2019 in this story sort of?

Basically Sev is a youtuber (uwu) and is basically like, so down to earth??? Like he goes to marches and riots and prides and all that stuff and then the other half of the time he's just being his little crackhead self.

"What do you mean dancing to copyrighted music for fifteen minutes isn't content? Bullshit."

"You don't deserve to live if you think you're entitled to more than others. Satan is coming for your weave."

"No, I'm not gay, well maybe, yes I would shag *insert hit person here* if they came knocking-"

"My best friend is a bitch and I love her."

Like. He's just sarcastic and everyone loves???

Him and Lily are flatmates but she like works in a record store and records with him sometimes.

BUT THEN an enemy has appeared (ofc)

James Potter mainly posts about sports and and pranks (including really stupid stunts) but just sort of rubs his wealth in everyone's face. He grew super popular bc he's ~attractive~ (although everyone is sure he's shagging his housemate, Sirius Black, an Instagram icon).

Severus and Lily fucking hate them both, and Sev makes snide remarks about him when he and Lils go live after hearing that he was James' new target.

The lies he makes up are fake enough that they find it funny, but James is too much of a coward to actually say anything to Severus.

But then Lily and Sev end up moving flats to London, because Lily got a pretty fucking awesome job offer. They move in across the street to a scarred up lad and his friend.

Remus instantly recognises Severus and they chat. Peter just goes back to bed. They probably shag. And then Remus starts showing up on Sevs channel more and more and soon enough James sees it.

"Hey Pads isn't this the squirmy guy from your literature class?"

"Yeah, why?"

Fights ensue

Remus, fucking done with Sirius cornering him, punches him in the nose and doesn't go back to college for a couple of weeks.

And then the feud is less of "I hate you" and more of "I need to be better than you". So they continuously one up each other.

Sirius and James are boyfriends now, publicly.

Severus admits he and Remus went on a date.

James tells stories about how he saved a bunch of animals.

Severus starts talking about how he was going back to march for the earth.

James states that hi is going to organise his own march, for the earth also.

Severus organises one for LGBT youth.

And soon James does, too.

Sirius, Remus and Lily get in contact and find it very funny, and the running joke it that Severus and James will fix all the problems in the world purely out of spite.

It's a running joke in their respective fandoms, too.

Soon they stop seeing eachother as the enemy, and while they will never get along, they will always march together.

And just??? My chaotic boys being fucking happy.

And Severus and Remus do a cheesy boyfriend tag, and everyone loves it.

(think about it might just write the boyfriend tag up as its own special one shot)

[engie-ivy]

Summary:

Remus Lupin is not an idiot.

He knows something is off. James Potter, James ‘I actually cried because I missed Sirius so much when we had to sit apart in class’ Potter, that James Potter, is abandoning his friends. More specifically, he’s abandoning Sirius and Remus. Every time the four Marauders hang out together, he’s dragging Peter away with some lame excuse, leaving Sirius and Remus with just the two of them.

Remus knows there can only be one explanation: James has a crush on Peter.

Or maybe Remus Lupin might be an idiot after all.

Nobody has a crush on anybody

“Do I have WHAT?!” James splutters, as he wipes the pumpkin juice he just spewed out of his mouth from his chin with the sleeve of his robes. He half expects Remus to start laughing, but Remus is just looking at him dead serious.

“A crush on Peter,” Remus repeats, as if that is a completely normal thing to say.

“What... Why would I... What makes you even think that?”

Remus sits down next to James. “Oh, come on! You know how you’ve been acting! Each time we’re all together, you suddenly say ‘well, I’m gonna go’. You have to feed your owl, clean your broom, repack your trunk. You’ve claimed you had to write your Potions essay five times already, and we don’t even have a Potions essay due! The other time, when you said you were going to go look for Lily, she was sitting right next to you! And every time you insist that Peter comes with you. I figured you just really want to be alone with him.”

“Well,” James says unconvincingly. “Maybe I just needed Peter’s help.”

“Then what about the time you actually locked me and Sirius up in our dorm, so we couldn’t join you and Peter in the common room? I don’t believe for a second that was an accident! Or how you’re suddenly sitting next to Peter everywhere, so that I have to sit in your old spot next to Sirius, not that I mind.” Remus flushes. “I mean, of course I don’t mind, we’re all mates, so I don’t care if I sit next to Peter or Sirius,” he mutters.

“Okay, okay, okay, Moony! I get why you’d think that, but unthink it, because it’s not true!”

Remus tilts his head and looks at him intently. ��You know it’s fine if it’s true, right? There’s nothing wrong with it?”

James sighs and runs his hand through his hair. Remus thinking he’s uncomfortable with someone being gay would really not help his endeavour. “I know it’s fine, Moony. I’d be completely fine with it as well. If someone told me they were gay, for instance, hypothetically speaking, my best friend, I’d be totally supportive. I’d even be his wingman and try to help him get together with his crush! Hypothetically speaking of course. And if you were in love with a bloke, that would be fine too. That would be great even. I think that would be really, really good.”

Remus just gives him a funny look. “You’re not in love with me, are you?”

“What? No, he’ll kill- Nevermind. No, I don’t have a crush on you,” James says, emphasizing the ‘I’ as much as possible. “Not that you’re not a crush-worthy bloke. I could easily imagine there’s someone who has a crush on you. As a matter of fact, I’m quite sure there’s someone who has a crush on you.”

“That’s nice of you, Prongs. But don’t worry, I was just joking. My ego can handle you not being in love with me.” Remus shoves James lightly. “But then what’s with all the weird behaviour?”

James glances around the common room and lowers his voice. “Actually, I was doing it to help Sirius, he asked me to.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “Why would Sirius want you to spend more time with Peter?”

James rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Moony! You really can’t think of any other reason for Sirius to want Peter and I to leave you two?”

Remus frowns and thinks about it for a moment, then his eyes widen in realisation. He looks around the common room as well, and speaks in a hushed voice. “Sirius doesn’t like Peter?”

It takes all of James’s self-control not to start banging his head against the table. “No, Remus! Sirius likes Peter just fine! We're all good, we’re all mates!”

“Right, right,” Remus says. “So nobody dislikes anybody, and nobody has a crush on anybody.”

James gets up from the table, feeling he needs to leave before he hits his breaking point. Who knew that being a good friend could be so utterly frustrating?

He turns to Remus before he walks away. “I never said nobody has a crush on anybody.”

The night sky is clear. This makes for a chilly, but beautiful evening, with the stars clearly visible. The marauders are sitting on the rooftop close to their dorm, chatting and drinking butterbeer. Sirius and Remus are sitting under a blanket together, and James can really see how the whole thing could be quite romantic. Which is why Sirius has been throwing him pointed looks for the last half hour.

James sighs, and gets up. “Well, I guess I’m gonna...” James runs a hand through his hair. Sirius is looking at him hopeful, Remus suspiciously, and Peter is already getting up, knowing he’s about to be dragged away. Suddenly, James fully realises how ridiculous this whole situation is. “Make up some lame excuse for me and Peter to leave, so those two,” he points at Sirius and Remus, “can enjoy a romantic evening under the starry night sky together. And you know what? I think I’ll charm the window, so you can only get back inside once you’ve finally bloody snogged!”

Sirius is bright red, Remus looks completely shocked, and Peter smirks as he climbs through the window. “About bloody time.”

Realisation dawns on Remus as he thinks back to his conversation with James. Oh. Oh. Why he thought James wanted to be alone with Peter, could that really be the reason Sirius wants to be alone with... him? He doesn’t need to think about how he feels about Sirius. He had been upset because he thought James was abandoning them, but the time spent with just Sirius and him had been amazing. He’s infatuated with the brave and clever boy. He would go to the end of the world and beyond if Sirius would ask him.

But sitting here under the beautiful night sky with the boy he’s fallen in love with confessing that he loves him too? That’s just not something that would happen to someone like him. That sounds like a fairy tale. And even in a fairy tale, the wolf rarely gets to live happily ever after.

His thoughts stop when Sirius, who’s apparently done waiting for Remus’s brain to catch up, presses his lips to Remus’s. It’s a short kiss and as Sirius pulls back, Remus finally speaks. “So, did you do that for the window to open or...”

Sirius barks a laugh. “Merlin, Moony, you’re unbelievable! Maybe I was subtle in the beginning, but lately I’ve been so obvious! I just literally kissed you and you still don’t know?”

Sirius looks at him with bright grey eyes, slightly flushed cheeks and a small smile. Sirius deserves a happily ever after. Remus can probably never give him that. But Merlin, he wants him. He doesn’t want to be afraid anymore.

He gives Sirius a playful smile. “Maybe you should make it even more obvious then?”

The window can already open after 5 minutes, but Sirius and Remus are in no hurry to get back inside. It’s late in the evening when James and Sirius are laying James’s bed, clutching to each other in a fit of laughter.

Peter stands in front of the bed and crosses his arms over his chest. “Come on, guys,” he huffs. “The idea of James having a crush on me is really not that funny. Remus, do something!”

“Me?”

“Yeah, he’s your boyfriend!”

Remus feels anxiety swell up in his chest at hearing Sirius be referred to as his boyfriend, but he manages to hide it from his friends, who are luckily distracted by James who has just fallen on the floor laughing. Remus manages to keep his voice calm. “Wait, is all the shite Padfoot does now my responsibility?”

“Regretting it already, Moony?” James laughs from his place on the floor.

Remus meets Sirius’s eyes, filled with happiness and laughter, the tiniest bit of uncertainty, and love. Remus feels the anxiousness fade away as they smile at each other. “No, not at all.”

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

A detailed list of shit the Marauders reveal when they down Veritaserum-spiked drinks (yes, it is all Sirius’ fault)

Sirius 1. The true horrors his family have inflicted on him

RESULT: James and Remus get so angry they turn slightly murderous, Mcgonogall and Dumbledore are informed, Mcgonogall adopts Sirius and Regulus for the time being while James arranges things with his parents (from then on, “Minnie” sounds more like “Mom”, so Mcgonogall lets him call her that. Even in class).

2. His love for Remus

RESULT: Nothing. He and Remus have been together since they were thirteen. There’s just a lot of blushing and giggling and things that James would rather have never seen.

3. How much he cares about Regulus

RESULT: Regulus starts to sit with the Marauders at lunch. Sirius will randomly grab his hand while they’re walking around. There’s a lot more affection and sweetness between the two of them now.

4. How much he fucking adores James (“I think you’re my soulmate, Jamie, you know that? Not like the lovey-dovey romancey kind, because yuck and also Remus Lupin exists, Jamie, and have you seen him, but Jamie, I - fuck, I just love you so much -” and James just blushes and beams super wide)

RESULT: James and Sirius start to refer to each other as “soulmate” as well as “best friend” and “brother”, including to casual strangers. To assure Remus of how much he loves him though, Sirius makes sure to call Remus “the love of my life” and “my only one” and “the moon to my stars” and “Moony, my love” and other mushy-gushy bullshit we don’t have time for right now.

5. How he thinks he’s a terrible person in every sense of the word

RESULT: Remus, James, and Peter start to make a list of everything they love about him in a notebook. Every time someone, anyone, says something they like about Sirius, the Marauders force them to write it down and sign their name. When the notebook is full, they wrap it up and give it to him for Christmas. He’s already on the verge of tears, and then they show him the new one they got a week ago that’s already half full, and he starts bawling so hard he can’t breathe.

Remus

1. All of his anger at the world

RESULT: Severus may or may not have started an impromptu class strike with every Hogwarts student who wasn’t a Death Eater in support of werewolf rights. James and Sirius may or may not have barricaded the school from the Ministry officials who came to shut it down. Peter, Lily, and Regulus may or may not have collected petitions from wizards and witches all over the world in support of werewolf rights. And the Ministry definitely changed the laws.

2. Just how much he loves Sirius even if he’s constantly afraid to show it

RESULT: Sirius and Remus eloped in sixth year without telling anyone. When James finds out he loses his shit at not being there to be their best man. Sirius starts responding to all of the people who ask him out with “Sorry, I’m a married man” and signs all of his school assignments Sirius Lupin. It drives Mcgonogall nuts. Remus sneaks out for months to arrange them a makeshift wedding on the grounds. This involves decorating trees and making them all flowercrowns and creating veils and dresses for both of them. Sirius cries when he sees it. They get married at midnight, with Severus officiating and James and Regulus standing as Sirius’ groomspeople and Lily and Peter as Remus’. Dumbledore and Mcgonogall are their witnesses. It’s gay and it’s beautiful.

3. How much he hates himself

RESULT: They all work on complimenting him more. Though they assure him they love his scars and his body exactly as they are, Sirius and Lily offer to teach Remus how to do makeup to cover them up. Peter learns how to keep his hands steady so he can paint Remus’ nails because he knows it makes him feel beautiful. Regulus learns the best Muggle clothing shops from Amir and James smuggles Remus out to shop there and buys him whatever he wants. Severus keeps creating spells and potions and researching old texts until he finds a way to cure lycanthropy.

4. How he’s sort of casually suicidal because he just keeps asking himself what there is to live for

RESULT: They clear their dorm of anything he can hurt himself with. They’re extra protective leading up to, during, and following the full moon. And  they remind him every day that they love him. Every day.

5. How ugly he thinks he is and how beautiful he thinks Sirius is

RESULT: This is really up to Sirius to fix. It’s a lot of kissing Remus’ scars and casually referring to him as beautiful (“How are you today, beautiful?”). And Sirius makes Remus mixtapes. Hundreds of songs reminding him how beautiful he is in Sirius’ eyes. It doesn’t work. Remus still doesn’t think he’s beautiful. But he knows Sirius thinks he is, and for now, that is going to have to be enough.

6. How he doesn’t think he deserves to be a Marauder or have Sirius’ love

RESULT: They try to include him more. They make sure to tell him how brilliant his plans and ideas are. They know that when it comes to his self-esteem, there’s not much they can do. But they try. They try so, so hard.

7. His gigantic inferiority complex

RESULT: You’d think it would be something sweet, but they just yell at him any time he makes a self-deprecating comment. Sometimes Sirius angry-kisses him. Somehow this works. (They also force him to have tea therapy with Mcgonogall.)

James

1. How guilty he feels for not having to go through all the shit his friends do

RESULT: Well, for awhile they try to stop telling him about their problems, but that only makes it worse. So they settle for buying him thank you presents, except they’re all things that only the giver likes. He asks what the fuck he’s supposed to do with that Queen record Sirius wanted, sixteen bars of Remus’ favorite chocolate, and that glittery hair bow Peter wanted. They smile and tell him that they know helping them makes him feel better and that his wealth makes him feel like shit, so they’ve resolved to drain his pockets by buying gifts for themselves. James laughs so hard he can’t breathe as they all tackle him onto his bed and cuddle him for hours. (They buy him real thank you presents too. Just, y’know, all with James’ own money.)

2. His hurt feelings at Lily’s constant rejections

RESULT: Lily blurts that she hates how he flirts with her but she doesn’t hate him, she actually quite loves him really, and James’ eyes go squinty with hurt and then widen with stars and they just kind of stare at each other and blush in stunned silence until Severus blurts, “Just kiss already, why don’t you?” And they both whip towards him and he turns crimson. (This is where Sirius starts laughing.)

3. How he actually thinks Lily and Severus are really good for each other

RESULT: In response to Severus’ remark, James confesses to having not made an actual move because he truly believes that Lily and Severus are better for each other than he could be for either of them. Lily smiles slightly and Severus’ mouth drops open as he gasps, “Either of us?” James’ face burns. (This is where Remus loses it.)

4. How he doesn’t actually hate Severus, he just hates how much he wants to kiss his stupid perfect mouth

RESULT: James then fucks up further by spilling out his guts about how much he wants to kiss Severus. Severus’ eyes get so wide they worry they might pop out of his head. He reaches out and tugs James by the tie into a filthy kiss. Lily squeaks. James faints. Severus panics. (This is where Peter collapses on the floor next to Sirius and Remus in uncontrollable laughter.)

5. How he misses pranking but feels like he’s more hated for it than he is revered

RESULT: Sirius, Remus, and Peter help him come up with pranks that are fun but don’t hurt or inconvenience people too much. Severus helps add safeguards, Regulus finds targets for them, and Lily encourages them and tells James over and over that she enjoys a good bit of fun.

Lily: It should involve glitter.

James: That doesn’t even make sense -

Sirius: Shut the fuck up James, we’re using glitter.

6. How much he wants to be a good person but feels like his friends are so much better than him

RESULT: They tell him what a good friend he is as often as they can. They try to remind him of all the things he does for them and how they’d be nothing without him. He doesn’t quite believe it, but it’s still nice.

7. How he feels like he’s not doing enough to help the people around him

RESULT: They make written lists of the things he’s done for them and tape them to the bathroom mirror. (Like any melodramatic teenager, James’ breakdowns take place while gripping the sink and staring in the mirror while questioning your every life decision.) They sometimes lock him in there until he reads the whole list out loud. (When they let him out Sirius hugs him so hard he struggles to move or breathe.)

8. How he’s pretty sure he’s gonna die before all of them and he’s way more okay with that than he should be

RESULT: Remus forces him to learn even more defense spells outside of class. Sirius and Regulus teach him hand-to-hand combat. Lily and Severus make it their priority to give James reasons to enjoy life. And Peter is the one tasked with noticing when James’ mood dips and swings.

9. His repression of his bisexuality

RESULT: Remus forces him to talk for ten minutes a day about being bisexual. Sirius makes them all I LOVE MY BISEXUAL BROTHER shirts that they wear every weekend (James’ says I’M THE BISEXUAL BROTHER. Severus and Lily’s say I LOVE MY BISEXUAL BOYFRIEND. James has a matching one that says I’M THE BISEXUAL BOYFRIEND. Those get made after James is way more comfortable with who he is.) Peter will nudge James’ side every time a boy he thinks is cute walks by, and James learns to do the same in return. They tease him and love him and Sirius kisses his cheek all the time, and life is good.

10. How the happiest day of his life was when all four of the Marauders wore skirts and he felt so comfortable in his own skin and so happy and so ashamed

RESULT: Sirius starts wearing skirts to class every day. Remus wears summer dresses. Peter wears tutus. James is still hesitant, but then Severus shows up at breakfast in a soft skirt and smiles as he kisses James’ cheek and James runs upstairs and changes before his first class. Regulus tells him, “You look beautiful, Jamie,” and James throws his arms around his neck and holds on tight even as Regulus huffs in fake annoyance.

Severus

1. How he internalizes every insult the Marauders throw at him

RESULT: They stop insulting him. And apologize for every single one they’ve ever thrown his way. (And Severus is treated to the first of many hugs from Sirius and Remus - they’re the best huggers in all of the Marauders.)

2. How he used to be proud of being a Slytherin but because of them now hates himself for it

RESULT: James, Regulus, and Sirius arrange a House Pride day. It encourages interHouse mingling and everyone is decked out in their House colors. A lot of friends are made, and plenty of long-lasting relationships too. Dumbledore thinks it’s such a great idea that he makes it an annual tradition.

3. How terrified he is of the impending war

RESULT: There’s not much that can be done. But they start having family movie nights to distract themselves. Cuddle piles are common and welcome.

4. How jealous he is of Sirius and Regulus for having somewhere to go when their home life is too unbearable

RESULT: Naturally, James adopts him immediately. And Sirius and Regulus do their damndest to be his brothers. The nightmares are still there, but the causes for them are not. (Also, Severus, Sirius, and Regulus get the help of Mcgonogall and Dumbledore to create a safe haven for the kids of abusive pureblood families. It takes awhile for the secrets to come out and the pride to fall, but eventually this place is home to Narcissa, Andromeda, Lucius, Bellatrix, and quite a few others. To all of their surprise, there are multiple kids from every House in the haven (dubbed “Love Haven” as a parody of the pureist institutions called “Blood Havens”). It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it gives them reasons to change for the better.)

5. How much he hates James for stealing his only friend and how much he hates himself for losing her and how much he loves, loves, loves James Potter despite all his efforts not to

RESULT: A lot of long, drawn out, uncomfortable conversations between James, Lily, and Severus. Even after they’re together, their insecurities get in the way. Luckily, the good times make up for the bad ones.

6. How he’s known Remus’ secret since first year and never once thought to tell

RESULT: Sirius loves him. Like, really loves him. Severus is treated to so many Sirius hugs he starts to forget what it was like before they started hugging. And Remus and Severus build themselves an unlikely friendship, one that mostly involves them sitting next to each other while reading and occasionally leaning their heads on each other’s shoulders. And Severus becomes one of the people Remus Lupin reaches for when werewolves are brought up in class. He finds, surprisingly, that holding Remus Lupin’s hand is something he just never quite wants to stop doing.

7. How the Slytherins the Marauders think are his “cronies” are actually his bullies that follow him around everywhere

RESULT: When Severus goes to class the next day, the cronies don’t look at him. They don’t speak to him. They don’t touch him. Severus asks all of the Marauders in increasingly urgent tones what they did, but they won’t say. In the end, all Severus knows is that he will never be mistreated again. Not while they’re alive.

8. How much he cares about Regulus

RESULT: Regulus will slip his hand into Severus’ a lot. They refer to each other as brothers to total strangers. In a group of Gryffindors, it’s nice to have a fellow Slytherin around to talk to. As much as they love their friends, there are just some things those headstrong Gryffindors will never understand.

9. How he feels like a freak for his asexuality

RESULT: Dumbledore opens a sex ed class at Hogwarts. (As part of his punishment for, ya know, the genocide, Grindelwald is forced to teach it. He and Dumbledore make eyes at each other the whole time, which makes Sirius and James gag and Remus and Peter laugh.) The class explores sexuality, including asexuality, and there are open discussions. Dumbledore authorizes an annual Pride at Severus and Remus’ request. There’s a lot of cake and glitter and hugs. The world is all the better for it, and they are all the happier for it.

Lily

1. How guilty she feels for loving James when she promised Severus she would only ever love him

RESULT: More awkward conversations for the three of them. And a lot of kisses, hand holding, hugs, and other assorted variations of affection between Lily and Severus.

2. How wholly and purely she loves Severus, no matter what James or anyone else says or thinks

RESULT: They apologize to Lily as well as Severus for all their remarks against him. James touches Lily’s shoulder and tells her she couldn’t have picked a better person to love, not even him, and she smiles. And James creates an organization to combat anti-Slytherin bias, which includes a lot of talking to first years and helping them be proud of who they are. Lily is at every meeting, holding tightly to Severus’ hand as she breathes in deep and blinks back happy tears. And whenever James catches her eyes, she smiles. Wide and big.

3. How she feels when James flirts with her like she’s a prize to be won rather than a human

RESULT: James apologizes. A lot. Like, more than is honestly necessary. But he also tries to amend his ways. He treats her like a person from then on; he treats the people she loves like people. He’s careful not to touch her unless she asks for it or invites him to. And she learns to trust him, that he doesn’t always mean the shitty things he says. The day she first kisses him is the day she finds out he’s asked every single girl in their year how to respectfully flirt with someone, respect boundaries, and remain unthreatening in a conversation.

4. How much she struggles with being a witch because of what her family and classmates think of her

RESULT: The Marauders work to better their classmates and professors’ minds by speaking out against pureist slurs and encouraging her to stand up for herself. And her last summer before graduating, they all travel home with her to her family and give them a talking to. (It doesn’t quite work, but, well. She has a new family now. One she chose. One she likes much, much better than her old one.)

5. How she’s never really felt like much of a girl (FTM Lily)

RESULT: Regulus helps Lily, since he’s trans, with ways to battle dysphoria and feel better about his appearance. James, Sirius, and Remus help correct people when they use the wrong pronouns, and encourage Lily by calling him “dude” and “bro” and whatever other masculine nicknames they can come up with. Peter talks to Dumbledore and Mcgonogall about all of the needed steps that should be taken to ensure Lily’s safety and comfort, and Severus buys him too many clothes and tells him he’s beautiful and helps him search for names until Lily decides he wants to keep his original one. And they all tell him how proud they are of him every day. (They also buy him a trans flag, along with every other pride flag needed for their group, and a couple hundred mini ones for every other queer student. Lily leads the school’s GSA, though it was founded by Remus and Sirius. And James smuggles them all out to Muggle Pride.)

Peter

1. How left out he feels all the time

RESULT: James, Sirius, and Remus are sure to include him in their antics. They ask him his opinion on things and let him make the plans some days. And they hug him more. There are lots and lots of group hugs.

2. How he constantly wonders if they would notice or care if he disappeared

RESULT: The seven of them start to play Hide and Seek every week around the castle. And they don’t stop until they find everyone, including Peter. It’s stupid, but it proves to Peter that even in the context of a children’s game he’s important. (He feels even better when he’s found first.)

3. How he doesn’t think they would go to the same lengths for him as they would for each other

RESULT: They hope they never end up in a situation where they have to prove this to him, but. In the meantime, they tell him how much they love and appreciate him. They do what they can for him. And they try to make things more equal between the four of them, even if that just means splitting a chocolate bar into equal pieces.

4. How he thinks he might be bi but he also thinks it doesn’t matter because nobody will ever love him, right?

RESULT: Remus actually throws a fit at this. He shouts for nearly twenty minutes about how if a werewolf like him can be loved, and he is, he knows he is, then Peter can be loved. Sirius then starts shouting at Remus, because he hates when Remus refers to himself as less than human. Their fight eventually devolves into a very fierce makeout session, at which James rolls his eyes and envelopes Peter in a hug, telling him that they love him no matter what and one day someone else is going to too. Then he grins and takes Peter’s hand, pulling him out of the dorm (as Sirius and Remus collapse on a bed that is probably not either of theirs) and down the halls to the Great Hall, where their other three friends are waiting with grins. A Hufflepuff punk looks up at Peter and smiles, and Peter’s heart lights itself on fire.

5. How much he actually cares about that nonbinary Hufflepuff Maxwell

RESULT: A nonbinary Hufflepuff named Maxwell Needles, a transfer student from Beauxbatons, is the object of Peter’s affections. The other Marauders tease Peter endlessly for his crush on the Hufflepuff, but also encourage him, and Remus and Sirius do recon work to see if Max will make a worthy Marauder, should they like Peter back. After watching them undo an entire Potions lesson in plain sight and not get caught, they decide that yes, Max is good enough for Peter. Eventually Peter works up the courage to ask Max out, and they grin at him and pull him in for a quick kiss by the tie, whispering their assent against his lips before pulling back and fluttering away, though they leave a trail of magical butterflies in their wake that follow Peter around the whole rest of the day. (Peter and Max have conversations while Max carries Peter around piggyback style.)

6. How stupid he feels compared to all of them

RESULT: They help him study, but are sure to compliment him every time he does something well. And they assure him he’s not stupid - he’s just smart in other areas. Besides, Remus notes dryly, a person as intelligent as Maxwell Needles would never love him if he weren’t at least interesting.

7. How sometimes he’s thought about joining You-Know-Who because at least then maybe they would finally see him as something other than their tag-along laughing stock

RESULT: They assure him of his worth, and they make him promise to tell them every time he thinks about giving in to the Dark. They know there’s very little they can do if he chooses to become a Death Eater, so they do all they can before it’s too late. (And they all live to be grey and old, so it must have worked.)

Regulus

1. How much he looks up to Sirius

RESULT: Sirius bursts into tears and pulls Regulus into his arms. They hold each other and whisper in each other’s ears with their eyes closed as they sway until finally Sirius pulls away and cups Regulus’ face in his hands, smiling through the tears and kissing his forehead hard before whispering, “I love you.” Regulus smiles and returns the sentiment. The two are inseparable afterwards. They hold hands a lot, their fingers woven together during classes, and so it’s no surprise when less than a week after Sirius Black becomes Sirius Lupin, Regulus Black becomes Regulus Lupin.

2. How he thought he was going to die when Sirius left him at Grimmauld Place

RESULT: Sirius tears up and pulls him close, cradling his crying baby brother against his chest as he whispers, “Come home with me. I’m sorry. Come home with me. I’ll never let them hurt you again. I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again.”

3. How much he genuinely adores Remus

RESULT: Remus gives Regulus his last name without hesitation. He takes on a motherly role towards Regulus, often holding his hand and kissing his forehead. Regulus takes to occasionally calling him “Mum”, which Remus doesn’t mind in the slightest. When Regulus becomes an Animagus, his cat will sit on Remus’ lap for hours, letting him brush his fingers through his fur without pause as he sleeps. Regulus introduces Remus to strangers not as his brother-in-law, but simply as his brother, and Remus loves him. (And Sirius adores how close his brother and husband are. He’s not sure what he’d do if they didn’t love each other.)

4. The existence of Amir and Regulus’ shame for loving him

RESULT: The Marauders visit Amir (a Muggle librarian) with Regulus to assess whether he’s a good person (he is). They create an organization at Hogwarts that helps Muggleborn and half-blood kids, as well as anyone else who wishes to join, with Muggle-magic relationships. They, but especially Lily and Regulus, work hard to better Muggle-magic relations long after graduating Hogwarts.

5. Being born a girl and being a boy but also just a person (he/they)

RESULT: They take care with his pronouns. Sirius screams at their parents (and willing takes the Cruciatus Curse) any time they call Regulus “Regina” or their “daughter” or “she” or “her”. Similarly, James is fiercely protective of him at school, helping him stand up for himself when people get it wrong. And Remus, sweet sweet Remus, helps him dress in whichever way makes him most comfortable and brushes his hair while humming lullabies.

6. Thinking Sirius looks beautiful in a skirt

RESULT: Sirius starts crying, but they’re happy tears. And he smiles for days afterwards. So any time Sirius wears a skirt, Regulus goes out of his way to tell him how beautiful he looks. (Both brothers know how much the other struggles with the whole concept of loving yourself, but Regulus knows that Sirius often struggles with it more than he does.)

7. Being happiest when he’s hanging out with the Marauders and James throws an arm around his shoulders

RESULT: Regulus grows to be incredibly close to James. While at first he worries about intruding on James and Sirius’ friendship or James’ hospitality when he comes to live with them, his worries are soon forgotten when James starts treating him like another brother. James has a casual affection with him that Regulus loves, like when he’ll throw an arm around his shoulders or take his hand or kiss his cheek. After growing up in such an abusive family, physical affection is everything to Regulus (and Sirius, though he never says it).

8. How much he likes Severus and holding his hand and just simply being his friend

RESULT: Severus holds his hand like all the time. They’re each other’s best friend, and they aren’t ashamed to admit it. They even go to some of the school dances together, sitting criss-cross on the floor in the corner and playing Muggle hand games that Lily and Remus taught them.

9. How much he admires Sirius just for being who he is without shame

RESULT: Sirius tries to help him out of his shell. They go out shopping together and Sirius encourages him to buy whatever he wants. James buys him skirts for Christmas, Remus does his hair up when he wants it, Peter paints his nails, Lily gives him her approving nod, and Severus smiles and tells him he looks beautiful. (And in private, Sirius lets Regulus in on the little secret that he’s never been unashamed. He’s just better at hiding it.)

10. How much he wants to be like Lily, a boy who nobody questions is a boy

RESULT: Lily is extra helpful in helping him assert himself. He teaches Regulus some techniques he knows to look more masculine, and they talk about their dysphoria together. And Lily tells Severus, Sirius, and Remus that Regulus struggling, so they’re sure to call him handsome every day. And James, of course, is as sweet as ever, kissing his cheek and referring to him as “your highness” and “your majesty”. (James calls Severus “my prince” as a joke because of the whole Half-Blood Prince thing, and it makes Severus blush and cover his face with his hands every time.)

[sayruq]

What are some of your biggest OTPs and NOTPs?

I don’t really have many OTPs, in fact I only have two and I have ships I’m willing to tolerate otherwise the number of fics I can read are so small.

OTP:

Iron Husbands ( my two faves who love and support each other but also have a complicated relationship)

Bellamy x Raven (ditto)

Ships I tolerate:

Sansa x Jeyne (they’re cute but they’re kids)

Catelyn x Ned (Catelyn loves him forcing me to put up with him)

Elia x Arthur (Elia stans like this ship and I like Elia content so here I am)

Raven x Shaw (he’s OK but he died so quickly so I don’t really care about him)

Tony x Bruce (it’s sweet I guess and at least the fandom doesn’t pretend that Bruce is Tony’s best friend as hard as other fanbases)

Cersei x Jaime (this one is actually close to a NOTP but my girl loves him so I’m forced to acknowledge his existence)

Swanqueen (I ended up hating Emma but the stans made the best Regina fics so here I am)

Laurel x Tommy (he was better than Oliver so here I am)

Westallen (Iris is cute and she chose to marry a shoe. My suffering knows no end)

Bonnie and whatever boyfriend they stick her with (I like reading Bonnie fics *shrug*)

Arthur x Mera (they’re cute but they do nothing for me)

Clark x Lois (ditto)

Diana x Steve (ditto)

Aang x Katara (I love my boy and he loves my girl so I have battle my indifference)

Azula x Ty Lee (Azula is probably the best character in the entire franchise and Ty Lee can be replaced by a lamp that trained in the circus)

I don’t think we have enough time to list my NOTPs. No one hates ships like me. Let me just limit this to 15:

Stucky and Stony (do I even have to explain)

Braime (Brienne deserves better and the stans should stop talking about Cersei)

Jonerys (probably the worst ship on the show), Jorah x Daenerys (gross), Daenerys x Daario (gross and dull), Daenerys x Drogo (probably the worst Dany ship. She deserved better), Daensa (the most boring femslash ship in the series)

Olicity (I don’t have time to explain how much this sucks)

Sansa x paedophiles. Arya x grown men and women

Ironstrange, Winteriron, T’challa x Tony (if I see one more fic about how Tony is so smart and special I will explode), Pepperony (no chemistry, bad writing, turned Tony into unredeemable mess in Endgame -1000/10)

Bellarke (probably the worst ship I have ever seen. I hate) and Clexa (awful, terrible, yuck, wash your hands Clarke bitch. If Lexa didn’t get shot she’d probably get a vaginal infection), Raven x Wick

Lyanna x Rhaegar (gross), Brandon x Ashara (boring), Ned x Ashara (they won’t shut the fuck up about Catelyn), Jon Connington x Rhaegar (the only thing they have in common is their lack of respect for Elia), Aegon x Rhaenys (1. How do you have a bad bitch like Visenya as your future wife and then marry her lame ass sister? 2. Elia would never marry her children to each other)

Regina x any man (she’s a lesbian)

Padme x Anakin, Han x Leia, Obi Wan x Anakin (I don’t like any Star Wars ship tbh)

Zutara (the stans love demonising Aang and pretending like Zuko suffered more than he has. I hate)

Harry x Ginny (badly written and dull), Harry x Draco (no chemistry, people only like this ship because they get to fetishise gay men), Jily (non characters, dull, the headcanons are lame), Sirius x Remus (Sirius is straight but gay for James), Molly x Arthur (dump him Molly. Go find you a fine woman)