#deperession
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Be warned: this post has mention of transphobia!
I'm gunna be upfront, my mood hasn't been the best over the last few days because what support I had from my dad regarding my own personal choice to transition has been lost simply over 1 outspoken detransitioner on the radio.
I'd like to begin by saying that I do value the experiences of detransitioners, they had the bravery to go through with their transition only to later realise it wasn't right for them, so when I talk about detransitioners I in no way intend to devalue their experiences... However, when a detransitioner is set on devaluing the experiences of trans people THAT is when we have a problem, and that is when I take issue.
In this instance that 1 outspoken detransitioner on the radio was able to convince my dad who was listening in that my experience was invalid, that it's all in my head and my transition goals are the wrong thing to do, which lead him to come over to my home and start barking at me that I'm a girl, I'll never be a man, I can't change my biology (as if I don't already know that) and he doesn't condone what I strive for to bring me peace in my own body.
He then proceeds to maliciously misgender me after the situation had supposedly been de-escalated. And then today when I saw him again he starts going on with "You want people like me to see everything your way, but the opinions you hold on inclusiveness and trans rights have lost people their jobs" and I'm internationally thinking "the fuck you on about? I just wanna exist without being put on trial!" But try instead try to steer that conversation away as I felt more like he was directing his right wing views on me as a lefty rather than talking to me directly.
So my mood has been a bit shit, and my desire to write has been heavily impacted.
I'm sorry for not being totally present and failing to reply to DM's in good time or reply to posts.
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Connected Suffering
You are not alone in your suffering. Others have gone through, or are presently going through, the unbearable lonliness and isolation you experiencing. Do not suffer in silence. Share your story, ask for help, and don’t allow fear to isolate you from your fellows. You need not bear this burden alone. Of course, not everyone will understand, but someone will understand. Do not stop until you…
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Cheers *sips some red wine* 🍷
#I’m hella deperessed the last couple of weeks#tumblr helps with some escapism but yeah..#I don’t eat much… I just lay in bed day after day…#mental health#how’s everyone’s summer?#I don’t like summer#I always get depressed#i feel so ‘seen’… I don’t like the light#lol ok relax little emo Heidi#but it’s true tho..#text
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noooo i had an idea that's really cool but i'm not skilled enough to pull it off nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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teenage dream is so eiji okumura coded
#especially the lines#“Got your whole life ahead of you#you're only nineteen#But I fear that they already got all the best parts of me#And I'm sorry that I couldn't always be your teenage dream”#LIKE HIM AFTER HIS POLE VAULTING ACCIDENT#HE LITERALLY WAS DEPERESSED#and then he didn’t get back to the sport bc he was too old and he stopped doing it for two years bc of the whole banana fish fiasco#and then he got depressed after his injury he was thinking that it’s all over#and then the bridge was him before and after banana fish and god. i’m crying#“ Will I spend all the rest of my years wishing I could go back?”#that hits so hard for eiji bc like he mourns the loss of the sport that distracted him from his dying father cheating mother#as u can see i’m so normal abt him and this song#banana fish#eiji okumura
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In my heart.
In my heart...
The vicinity of your memories is filled with devotion 🖤
Every inch of land makes daily confessions!
Even my emptiness giggles in the presence of your emotion..
Your voice, in my heart, echoes like the depths of the ocean... 🌊
But my heart is a mess you'll never want to visit 🗑️
If you see this broken house, you won't wait a minute 🏠
The messy floor, the sounds of a cricket 🦗
Yet your thoughts fill my heart, like flowers in a basket 🧺 🌺
If you look around, you'll see some things were stolen 🕳️
The previous visitors took, but left words unspoken
Cracked windows, doors wide open 🚪
This house lost its golden shine, warmth now broken ❤️🔥
Would you dare step into this twisted old castle? 🏯
My heart, where you'll always have to hustle 🩶
Walls shattered, words scrambled
Books filled with poetries, stories by a damsel. -suzain.
https://crystal-clears-worldd.tumblr.com/
#poetry#poems on tumblr#love poetry#dead poets honor#free poetry#poetry by women#poemsbyme#deperessed poetry#writeups#queer writers#writerscommunity#women writers
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in the negative space
#art17#it only takes up half a canvas so the idea is lost a little bit#intitally it was like - demon horns that are invisible and cant be seen unless theres smoke or fog to reveal them#and then it kinda shifted to be more of#im the only one who thinks im a horrible person but thats because im the only one who can see the fog and darkness from my mind#idk#^edgiest thing ive ever said#i look SCRUNGY#i look UNWASHED and DEPERESSED and MESSY and like a LOSER and its ACCURATE#tw#tw self harm
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making purchases combining physical needs met and aesthetic sense, big things happening.
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the way i can be myself online and not irl is funny at this point.
#rant#my bedroom is so basic Pinterest girl looking and my clothes are so girlish and dear lord I hate it all#I can’t go by my chosen name I can’t go by my right pronouns bc EVERYONE around me irl is transphobic uegegegh it’s irritating.#no fucking wonder i have deperession and anxiety like fuck you guys are so so good at hating people
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i can feel it im gonna talk to my therapist about destiel today
#deperessive episode lifted in LATE DECEMBER????#first time for everything baby lets fucking GOOOOOOOOOO
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of course I ALWAYS have the looming dread of "what am i gonna do when my grandma kicks the bucket besides like, go homeless" but I do like to think abt how i would like, yknow. furnish a house. how i would choose what appliances to get like what to prioritize. etc. and I don't really have any specific place in mind since nobody in my family likes me all that much and I'd rather live with people I like. i've never wanted to live alone but like i have no control over what happens to me so whatever 👍
#i cant think abt this too long or ill start getting upset#besides the antidepressants the way i try to stay less deperessed#is i try to focus entirely on enjoyment and pleasure in the moment and nothing else matters. 👍👍👍
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no matter how much sleep i get every day i wake up feeling fatigued and it’s been like that for months when does it end !!
#this deperession is getting hard to bear#no appetite no energy every day feels the same#i’m gonna be okay but mannnn is it hard#really need to figure out how to get better when i can’t afford therapy at the moment but i don’t even know where to start#i wanna be the happy girl i was in 2019 again
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⋆˚࿔ in every timeline; i love you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ masterlist
summary: in each timeline you're always going to love park sunghoon, but in each timeline does he love you too?
pairing: park sunghoon x y/n
genre: heavy angst, light fluff (?); single parent au! first love au!
tw; abortions, preganacy, miscarriage, death jokes, deperession, mental health, etc... I might miss some, to be warned!
° ᡣ𐭩 . ° ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ ° ᡣ𐭩 . °
a/n: there's going to be two timelines with two different ending/outcomes.. more than welcome to choose which route to read, but please be prepared for heavy tears and angst!!!
────୨ৎ──────୨ৎ──────୨ৎ─────
Prolouge
(route one); secrets that I hold on too; i'm sorry
(route two); full circle; it was fate
fin-
#in every timeline; i love you#in every timeline; i love you masterlist#enhypen masterlist#enhypen x reader#enhypen smau#kpop#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#enhypen imagines#park sunghoon#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen#engene#enha#lee heeseung#park jongseong#sim jaeyun#kim sunoo#yang jungwon#riki nishimura#like#follow#reblog
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on the other hand my MOST viewed piece on Ao3 (16k+) is a 30,000 word slow burn where they don't kiss until the actual last sentence in the last chapter so y'know
when one of the pieces of writing you're most proud of is also incredibly filthy so you can't really share it as much as you'd want
#i guess i can do both#i haven't written anything that rivals dismantle since though so i think i peaked there#ive also been more deperessed since
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HC Chrollo with a depressed reader
(because being delulu is the solulu~)
How he deals with it depends on your relationship with him. But here's the most possible way it'll go:
He knows you have deperession.
He noticed it in your behavior. Either way he will sence that something is wrong with you and watch you more carfully. He will take note if you eat, if you wash yourself, brush your hair and teeth, how much you sleep, how much time you spend on your phone, etc...
He'll probably try to talk with you about it. But even if you say you're still able to feel when it's too much and can ask for his help he'll never let you out of his sight.
If you try to lie to him about you being ok he'll find a way to make you open up. And if it's not him you want to talk to he gets one of his members to get it out of you.
He might get Shalnark to play some games with you and set an easy mood. He might get Pakunoda or Machi. Two girl you know will never betray the ones they love.
(That their love goes to Chrollo, their leader and that they will tell him everything you said is unknown to you)
If you're not able to keep it together yourself he'll help you regardless if you want it or not. He will not leave you alone with it and will be with you the whole time.
He'll even cook for you and makes sure you eat. He'll bath with you and will in general help you to take care of yourself. He will brush your hair and even your teeth if you're not able to.
He will not leave you alone to make sure you won't harm yourself. He will take everything away from you that could be used to harm yourself (and belive me, he will know what to take away from you...)
We all know that he's very intelligent. He will be able to tell what's going on inside of you. He might even read books about it. And maybe even gives them to you so you can try to understand yourself better.
If I have some mistakes in here, please be nice.
English isn't my mother language :)
#fantasy#feelings#anime#hxh#tw depressing thoughts#self h@rm#chrollo hunter x hunter#Chrollo Lucilfer#hxh hcs#hc#chrollo x reader#chrollo x you
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WHY'S BRO KINDA......😈😈😈😈
NNNOOOOO LITOWKRALLY HE WAS SO DAMN FINEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭HE WAS ALREADYIN MWDICATION FOR DEPERESSION WHEN HE WAS 6 /SRS........I LOVE HJM .......
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