#first time for everything baby lets fucking GOOOOOOOOOO

[carnageacorn]

i can feel it im gonna talk to my therapist about destiel today

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e9 lb

"the wilderness chose" I DONT THINK IT DID BUT OK!!!!

I RECOGNIZE THOSE CHORDS? GUITAR? HELLOOOOOOOO ITS BEEN YEARS

ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ok but like. the wilderness"" might have gotten into them but they CHOSE to do it that way like they CHOSE to let javi drown/freeze to death i think thats more them devolving into "survival on the only way know how to justify it to themselves" mode

also how insane is it that they were all willing to eat natalie 10 minutes ago and theyve all been starving and just like that your team turns on you bec "the wilderness chose' thats nuts

"give it a hunt" is this when my girl lisa dies. i will beat up misty for lisa idc

i dont mean to get personal on main but lottie's desperation...for lack of a better word... reminds me of me when i **** ** **** ***** and at that time i was just. so desperate to believe in [redacted] i was DESPERATE i was so far down i was just clawing at the pit walls like. god.

"make sure none of your people are here for this" NOOOOOO LISA

"we got over it" LIIIIIIIIIIIES

"i didnt want this" "you started this" LETSGOOOOOOO

oh this is so fucked

shauna butchered them... alone... it was her duty.... no wonder shes so fucked up

WALTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

SO GOOD TO SEE HIM

jeff.... the cops.... bleh

NATALIE TRYING TO SAVE LISA BUT WE KNOW HOW THIS GOES

"youre not like them" "im worse" OH NAT NO NO NO NO NO

"im glad im alive" van says to travis whose brother just died because the team is starving and it was supposed to be natalie but misty saved her so javi died in his place and theyre going to eat javi and travis will have to eat his brother to survive. insane people.

"let your brother save you, travis. after everything he went through out here. dont you at least owe him that?" INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE FUCKING THING TO SAY VAN HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT FUCKING CRAZY

walter i likeyou so much please stick around 4 life youre so funny

"youre being awfully judgy about mom considering this all started because of your lame attempt at blackmail" CALLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETS FUCKING GO

i feel so bad for her. her parents suck so fucking bad her mom is fucked up and withheld love from her and doesnt love her like her dead baby brother and her dad is a pathetic dude who is like, trying his best but hes just sO pathetic and not even in a fun way. he has the spirit tho. shes gonna be sSOOOOO fucked up when shes grown up

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WALTER YOU LEGEND

walter and misty match made in heaven TBH

OH GOD

JAVI'S LITERAL HEART? OH GOD

is that... buffy sainte marie singing?

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I CALLED IT KNEW IT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

OH MY GOD? MAYBE CALLIE?

CALLIE OR LISA WHICH IS IT

LET THE COP DIE IN THEIR PLACE DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

jesus christ

they really never left huh

WALTER TALTERSAL YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PSYCHO YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN

walter fucking over this smarmy little shit cop is SOOOOOOOOOOOO fun

oh my god lottie

the wilderness left lottie...?

NATALIE????????

IS NATALIE THE ANTLER QUEEN

OH MY GOD THAT INSANE

I LOVE IT

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is a god to a nonbeliever etc etc oh my GOD NATALIEEEEEE

"you were always its favorite" OH MY GOD???????????/

LISAAAAAAAA MY GIRL LISA LISA LISA LISA

"we tried to kill you and it wouldn't let us"

INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

THE ATHEIST WHO MEETS GOD THE NONBELIEVER THE TRUE RELUCTANT SAINT THE UNWILLING APOSTLE ET CETERA LETS FUCKINGGOOOOOOO?

lottie kissing natalie's hand is insane im goi g insane INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

the girls allow javi to die in nat's place (or the wilderness kill him in nat's place) > shauna offers travis javi's heart to eat as first dibs in honor/waiting for permission > travis eats his brother's heart > natalie is named lottie's successor as the unwilling apostle the reluctant saint the cursed etc etc > travis places her hand on his heart

NAT BEING "CHOSEN" ALL THOSE YEARS AGO

NAT THROWING HERSELF IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO GAVE HER FORGIVENESS TO SAVE LISA

aaaaaand radiohead to send us off eh?

NAT IS DYING OH GOD

nat :(

WHAT DO YOU EAN WE'LL SEE?

CALLIE???????

COACH TRIED TO BURN THEM ALIVE?

OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS DEMISE

[tsuki-sennin]

Heyooooo, Tsuki here! And BOY are we in a big pickle!

Uh, my computer's quite literally falling apart on me lmao, so it's probably got the whole month of March at most before it dies on me. I'm not gonna ask for money or anything like that, because I can do basically everything this shitty ass Chromebook can do, I can do on my phone, although I will miss having a keyboard.

In other news, Pokemon Gen 9 is a thing! I love all the new starters, the new region looks gorgeous, and we're kicking it in the Mediterranean! I love these international settings, they're so fun to explore~!

But enough about that, it's time to laugh and feel in Kamen Rider Revice!

-Oh my god, Ikki's doing the 4th wall thing. ...is he still wearing his manzai outfit? Without the duck? Ruined forever!

-So, does just being a weird wispy ghost cloud turn you into Pinkie Pie or Deadpool?

-TAMAKI YOU FOOL JHKL:OKJL::HGH

-Thank God Vice doesn't work in food service. He'd be in supermax before the end of his first shift.

-AND HE'S STILL WORKING

-Georgie, please.

-Couldn't Vice stamp himself with the Rex Vistamp to get Ikki to come out? Or is that not really an option?

-Oh god, bath time.

-Ah, the Ushijima Weekenders have been promoted to the intro!

-Karizaki, c'mon.

-Oooooooh, that's a big scratch. I used to have a big scar on my foot, which I got when I was a kid and a shelf fell on top of me in my bedroom while my mom was out. That really hurt lol

-Oh god, why did the camera obscure that-

-Hello, Demonsy Driver! I think I'm gonna call you Kenjiro until we learn your real name.

-Olteca, you're really not in any position to order her around anymore.

-JESUS CHRIST NO HESITATION

-Yeah, you should probably go.

-Well, starving to death as a ghost unable to eat a damn thing sounds absolutely horrible, so...

-...IS THAT WHERE THE DUCK WENT. DID HE EAT IT-

-Get this man a big curry burger.

-Ikki repaint.

-Karizaki Masumi. You're a bad lad.

-Too bad he was able to accept his Shadow and gain the power of Persona, huh Masumi?

-So far God

-Oh c'mon Sakura. They could be like the Secret Saturdays! ...except assholes.

-DADDY.

-So easy~!

-Your father was an average Rider, but a brilliant scientist.

-Go, Jeanne!

-OH NO LOVEKOV BONKED

-Oh, it's okay, she can go up the wall.

-...sorta.

-Awww, Vice :)

-OH FUCK OFF, GO AWAAAAY

-OH DAMN

-Squid Man took Science Man!

-OH DAI-CHAN

-Really going through it.

-"I want you to patch my main and make him not suck."

-GEORGE, NO-

-WAIT YOUR DAD MADE THAT

-Oh!

-I mean, I thought it was kinda weird

-And here we see Revice's surprisingly strong emotional core rear its beautiful head once again.

-HER RINGTONE IS A HORN SAKURA C'MON GURL

-LET'S GOOOO

-Fuck you, Masumi.

-I'm calling it now, Karizaki made it suck.

-Oh, the full transformation again.

-GO SAKURA!

-Damn, you're kickin it!

-NEW CONTRACT LET'S GOOOOO

-Believe in me who believes in you who believes in me who believes in Karizaki-san.

-He's got a lot of sass for a ghost man.

-Don't worry Vice, I don't trust George either!

-OHHHHH YES, GOOD SHOT

-Jack Revice! Ikki mode?

-LET'S GOOOOOOOOOo

-OHHHHH ELECTRICITY

-We could do that!?

-Now that's a punch!

-Oops~!

-KICK THAT BITCH

-DON'T STEP ON THE BABY

-BOOOOOM

-I think you just kinda suck, Olteca.

-He bacc

-Oh GOD DAMN THEY'RE REMIXED!

-Yeah Olteca, I'm shocked that the guy who you kidnapped tricked you. Good job, idiot.

-Oh, Kenjiro Tsuda doesn't care.

-Oh, okay! Bye!

-BAEL WHAT

-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE HE LOOKS SO FUCKING COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

-Now that's a goddamn demon! He looks like a rhino beetle and a space marine.

-Okay, apparently the wiki calls him "Veil"? And he's got the Demons Driver!? Well, that was a short stint, huh Squid Boy? And yeah, it seems like this is the Demons Driver's true... Demons part. Voiced by Kenjiro Tsuda and everything! ...the Driver looks pretty different. Is that a retool? Or is it just like a separate faceplate thing like the Swordriver Seiken emblems?

-Goddammit, now I gotta wait till next week again.

[mortispoxi]

BBC America’s The Watch Episode Seven Review: Nowhere in the Multiverse

Episode Review list: one, two, three, four, five, six, eight

Bienvenue Discworld fans! As many of you know, my name is Mortis, and this is my review of BBC America’s The Watch episode seven: Nowhere in the Multiverse. If you’ve made it this far in my reviews, you probably already know the old song and dance that I’ve given new names to the character because, let’s face it, The Watch characters are a corrupted version of their book counterparts. I have not changed any of the nicknames, so no heads-up announcements are needed before we begin. If someone was wondering what happened to the River Watch! section of the post it is because I removed it after seeing that the show producers forgot Ankh-Morpork is a port city and made everything around the city desert. Why they thought putting Ankh-Morpork in the middle of the Sahara is anyone’s guess but from what I can tell we will not be seeing the Ankh river in this show. With that out of the way, lets get into this stupid fucking review for episode seven. ONE MORE LEFT BABY!!! LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Warning: Spoilers for Nowhere in the Multiverse below)

Episode Recap:

The show opens with Raccoon Vimes (Samuel Vimes) releasing Accountant Skimmer (Inigo Skimmer) from prison because he feels that he can no longer protect the ex-assassin anymore. As they part, Accountant Skimmer explains how he lost his finger while pushing a poison pill down the throat of a wizard who was fighting against his death and bit down hard onto Accountant Skimmers finger as a last ditch effort to save himself. He laughs at this memory since he wanted to kill the wizard so badly, he was willing to sacrifice his finger in order to get the job done. Accountant Skimmer then gets uncomfortably close to Raccoon Vimes and asks if he also believes in something like the watch that powerfully where he is willing to sacrifice a part of himself for it to succeed. Raccoon Vimes ignores this and tells him that if he stays in Ankh-Morpork he’s as good as dead, so he suggests he start running. The show then hints at the end of the episode when Accountant Skimmer points to the badge hanging from Raccoon Vimes’s neck and reminds the audience that the badge belonged to King Veltrick (The last king of Ankh-Morpork, founder of the watch, and built Tanty prison) who was wearing it when the Assassins Guild inhumed him centuries ago. So, there’s noble blood on that badge that Raccoon Vimes has. Remember that for later.

The next scene is Raccoon Vimes arguing with Supermodel Sybil (Lady Sybil Ramkin) about releasing Accountant Skimmer from jail. She is upset that he did this without consulting her first and wants to return him to his cell because he is still a criminal who needs to get punished. Raccoon Vimes argues that because Gang Leader Carcer (Carcer Dun) has been to the future, he already knows the watch’s next moves so they shouldn’t take in anymore prisoners now that GL Carcer takes top priority (I mean he’s been top priority the whole time, so I don’t see how that changes anything…). Supermodel Sybil yells that there is always a choice between what you have to do and what you should do but Raccoon Vimes reminds her that her bad decision making in the past almost got Accountant Skimmer killed (which is true, points to him). Agitated, she tells him that she’s going after him and will drag Accountant Skimmer back kicking and screaming if she has to. The captain reminds her of her promise to give up being a vigilante but since Supermodel Sybil has gone through absolutely no character growth during this series, she rejects trying to be a better person for petty revenge and storms off. Raccoon Vimes yells after her that if she leaves, he will have no choice but to come after her and arrest her for possibly attempted murder. She of course doesn’t listen and stomps away in her Chanel boots.

Ok now here’s where the switcharoo occurs. In the last episode, Wizard Wonse (Lupine Wonse) convinced the Observers (The Auditors of Reality) to switch the bodies of this universes’ Vimes (Raccoon Vimes) with the worst possible version of Vimes (Rat Vimes) that exists out in the multiverse. They do this switch so that GL Carcer can come in and convince Rat Vimes to murder the current timeline’s version of Supermodel Sybil in order to stop Raccoon Vimes from stopping his plans to control the dragon. Confusing? Yes. Stupid? Absolutely. Did they need to have a Freaky Friday sequence as the series finishes up? Apparently so! So, while Raccoon Vimes drifts off to sleep at his desk, his consciousness is transported to the timeline where he has been in and out of Tanty prison for the last twenty years.

Raccoon Vimes wakes up in this hideous black and yellow number that looks like it could’ve been worn by a colorblind member of a pop punk boy band from the early 90s and realizes he’s no longer in his office. When he gets up, he notices that he’s locked in a cell with Cellmate Virgin (Alternative timeline Urdo von Pew) who tells him that today is the day they’re getting out. I can only describe Virgin’s mental capacity as having a few ants short of a picnic because his hand, which he has drawn a face on, acts as a secondary character in this episode. Yes, you read that correctly, Virgin’s hand, which I will call Handy for simplicity, is its own character since, for some reason, the show writers wanted him to have a split personality between himself and his hand. This seems like an insult to people with dissociative identity disorder since they treat Cellmate Virgin and his antics like a joke. I’ll talk about this more later on, but episode seven really does feel like it’s mocking those in the prison system who have mental health issues that get exacerbated by staff and their living conditions.

So anyway, Raccoon Vimes is understandably freaking out because he just woke up in another timeline and has no idea what the fuck is going on but is interrupted by an alarm going off signaling morning inspection. Everyone steps outside their cells and are greeted by Nazi Carrot (Alternative timeline Baby Carrot who looks and dresses like a Nazi soldier), who oversees the prisoners of Tanty and keeps them in line. Thinking it’s his version of Carrot, Raccoon Vimes tries greeting him like he normally would but is bludgeon down by Nazi Carrot. He then orders for Raccoon Vimes to be placed in confinement with “The Beast” as punishment for disobedience. When he’s thrown into the hole, or solitary confinement whatever you want to call it, Raccoon Vimes is attacked by alternative universe Detritus that I will now be calling Rocky. Instead of being terrified after being gut punched twice now, Raccoon Vimes is elated to see his old pal alive and well. If it isn’t already obvious, Rocky is “The Beast” and is in charge of beating/killing inmates who are sent into solitary confinement (well technically his cell) as a lesson for bad behavior. Rocky very nearly succeeds in killing Raccoon Vimes when the troll suddenly stops and realizes that this man is not of this timeline. So, he brings Raccoon Vimes over to a wall of rocks and pulls a Granny Weatherwax by communing with the prison that was technically built out of his great-great-great grandmother’s remains. Grandma tells Rocky that this dude definitely doesn’t belong here and that in his timeline Faux Detritus is dead. How does he know this? Well, because the chunk of flesh Tall Cheery took off Faux Detritus’s corpse and kept can still communicate with other rocks/trolls across the multiverse. Feeling sorry for the pathetic raccoon, Rocky agrees to help Vimes escape by kicking out a section of window big enough for Raccoon Vimes to crawl through but not himself.  

Side Note! The episode makes mention that trolls are made of stone multiple times and yet despite that fact, Faux Detritus still died after getting pierced in the neck by a crossbow bolt. His skin is literally built-in armor to prevent piercing damage! Why the fuck would one tiny arrow be the thing that takes him out when it takes a literally loaded shotgun to wound, WOUND NOT KILL, Detritus in Men at Arms!? Yes, I’m still salty about this! No, I will not let this go!

Let’s pull back for a moment and talk about how the rest of the cast catches up with the plot on their own time. Baby Carrot (Carrot Ironfounderson) for some fucking reason wakes up on the floor of a backroom in some random dive bar. Why he was there in the first place I have no idea nor is it explained. Standing over him is Psycho Sally (Sally von Humpeding) who creepily starts talking in this weird baby voice about seeing him alone at the bar and wanting him to come over and join a support group for virgins. They make her character so fucking psychotic because one second she’s being nice to Baby Carrot, to then talking like an infant about how she’ll make his bleeding wound feel better, to attacking him, then asking why he’s acting so weird. This whole thing is to get them on the topic of blood and nobility because once Psycho Sally mentions that the only noble blood that still exists in Ankh-Morpork belongs to Supermodel Sybil, Baby Carrot gets it into his head that the third and final artefact they’re looking for is in fact Supermodel Sybil. Before he’s able to retreat, Psycho Sally tries to hypnotize him but for some reason commands Baby Carrot to dance which he does…awkwardly. He eventually breaks out of her spell because she herself is confused why she made him dance and thus ends the weirdest character interaction this show has had up to this point!

Baby Carrot meanders back to the watch house where Tall Cheery (Cheery Littlebottom) is cleaning up Paw Patrol Angua (Angua von Uberwald) after she just got out of another transformation. PP Angua smells Psycho Sally on Baby Carrot which pisses her off since werewolves and vampires have a feud and don’t like being in proximity of one another. Baby Carrot explains that the psychotic vampire may have helped him come up with the idea that the final artefact may allude to Supermodel Sybil’s noble blood, so they have to go and find her. By this point, Rat Vimes (Alternative Reality Vimes), has woken up in the body of Raccoon Vimes and is visibly confused and scared as to where he is. He grabs Raccoon Vimes’s city watch badge and truncheon and tries to sneak his way out of the office without being seen by the merry band of morons. However, he’s terrible at stealth and is noticed by the group, who are sitting right by the only entrance of the place by the way, so he bolts out the door at top speed to get away.

When he gets far enough outside, GL Carcer pops out from behind a vendor stand and starts acting all friendly towards the rat to put him at ease. Rat Vimes immediately recognizes GL Carcer and happily embraces him, which is a bit off putting for GL Carcer since he didn’t expect the rat to know who he is. Either way, GL Carcer informs Rat Vimes that he aided his escape from Tanty prison and if he doesn’t want to end up back there, he has to do everything he says. Thankful for being let out, Rat Vimes agrees to his terms and tells GL Carcer about how Supermodel Sybil may be the third artefact if what he overheard the mystery gang talking about was correct. With this newfound information, GL Carcer thanks him for this insight then tasks Rat Vimes to lead the rest of the watchmen into an awaiting trap within the ruins of the abandoned Tanty prison. Rat Vimes runs back over to Baby Carrot, who has been standing around for him to return, and tells him that Supermodel Sybil is waiting for them at Tanty prison so everyone needs to follow him so they can talk about the next artefact.

Anyway, GL Carcer returns to Wizard Wonse who has created this device that will help them identify the final artefact. Seems a bit late with that invention…would’ve been useful to have SIX FUCKING EPISODES AGO! I digress. Point is, Wizard Wonse has this device that can identify when the final artefact is around because the sensor picks up a deafening silence that apparently octarine is channeled through since magic is older than time and space. …dumb fucking…ANYWAY, GL Carcer is like cool now we just have to wait for Rat Vimes to lead the others into the trap so we can swing back around to pick him up on time to murder Supermodel Sybil. Wizard Wonse brings up a good point that they still need a backup plan if Rat Vimes fails to kill Supermodel Sybil. Like I’ve said before, she’s the brains of the operation because she’s the only one who understands that the Observers will not hesitate to erase them from existence if they do not keep up their end of the bargain.

Incoming Rant- GL Carcer mentions that even if Supermodel Sybil is the third artefact, it’s more important to have Rat Vimes kill her than it is to keep her alive for the ritual. This ideology literally goes against the plans they had in the last episode when they thought Baby Carrot was the final piece for the ritual. The reason they were kidnapping Baby Carrot in the first place was because they wanted to use his possibly noble blood to control the dragon. They were going to keep him alive and on the throne while being the real ones in power since they were planning on slowly draining him of his seemingly magical blood. But here’s the thing, if Supermodel Sybil dies AND she happened to be the third artefact…then they just lost the blood they kept saying they needed to fulfill their plans to destroy the world. I know the whole point of killing her off is to cause a massive ripple effect in the timelines that would prevent all versions of Vimes from rising up and stopping them, but this plan literally would prevent them from completing the ritual since they would lose their blood supply. Cause from what I can infer from their original plan to drain Baby Carrot of his blood, these two dipshits need a constant flow of octarine filled blood, or at least a powerful enough source, to keep hold of the Noble Dragon. Seriously, if the third artefact is a person like everyone thinks (more on that later) then the moment Supermodel Sybil’s cold body hits the floor they’d be up shits creek. No noble blood means no dragon. No dragon means GL Carcer would fail his unseen benefactors for a third time and subsequently be destroyed for his continued incompetence. ARE THEY REALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID!?!?

Speaking of Rat Vimes leading the watchmen into a trap, Rat Vimes leads the watchmen into a trap! While they are walking to Tanty prison, Paw Patrol Angua comments how weird it is that she can’t smell the captain’s usual aftershave that he normally wears. They acknowledge multiple times that something really, really weird is going on with him but they still chose to follow him anyway because…plot? Anyway, the moment they all step through the doors of the prison, Rat Vimes locks the doors behind them and leaves with GL Carcer who had been following their trail. They all start looking for a way out but come up empty handed, so they gather in the prison’s rundown mess hall to come up with a plan of escape. If the prospect of all of them dying in a sealed labyrinth wasn’t already foreboding enough, Bitchy Death (Death) shows up to laugh at their misfortune and even asks who in the group is more likely to cannibalize the others first (I think it’s PP Angua but that’s just my personal opinion…also why he showed up WAY BEFORE they were going to kick the bucket is beyond me). Baby Carrot tries to butter Bitchy Death up by reasoning that he must know a way out because of the special skills he possesses. Taking that compliment and running with it, Bitchy Death enthusiastically explains that he has been composing music and doesn’t wait for their answer to start playing his latest work. This leads Bitchy Death to sing about, well, death, for 37 minutes straight which bored the burgeoning Donner Party into inspiration since they end up asking what his instrument is made out of and Bitchy Death responds that it was made from parts that were laying around. Tall Cheery gets an idea when he mentions this and runs out of the mess hall along with Baby Carrot and Paw Patrol Angua, leaving Bitchy Death behind. She explains while knocking on the prison walls listening for an echo that when she used to live in Tak Mine, she was involved in a mining accident where the shaft collapsed. Using the tools that her and her team had on them, they were able to rig a crank that knocked a hole in the cave wall big enough for them to escape out of. She sends Paw Patrol Angua and Baby Carrot to fetch a bunch of scrap metal parts laying around the place and eventually she’s able to break down the hollow wall in front of them with her makeshift crank. Paw Patrol Angua then picks up the scent of their traitorous captain and they all head off to go find him.  

Meanwhile, Rat Vimes and GL Carcer have made it to the Ramkin Estates where the fucker in charge states that the only way the rat can stay is if he kills Supermodel Sybil. Rat Vimes doesn’t really like the idea of killing someone and declares that killing is wrong. GL Carcer is having none of this and tells him that there is no such thing as good or bad, it’s only survival and in order to survive he needs to kill. While they talk about his apprehensions about killing, Wizard Wonse sneaks up to the house with her nifty artefact finding device and holds it up in the direction of where Supermodel Sybil is standing. The machine picks up nothing, confirming that she isn’t the last artefact they’re looking for. But as they are walking in, Wizard Wonse holds the device up to Rat Vimes and much to her confusion the sensor goes off immediately.

Side Note! All three of them just walked into this house which we have been repeatedly told is booby trapped from top to bottom and yet they activate none of the traps? Yeah, I have to call bullshit on that.

Once inside, Rat Vimes thanks GL Carcer for saving his life a second time. He explains that the first time was when he pulled him up from the edge of the Unseen University tower (which isn’t called the Tower of Art for some reason). Rat Vimes then goes into the whole spiel about how they used to run in a gang years ago and his timeline’s Carcer was tasked in freeing his fellow gang members from prison. I’m not going to repeat the whole story again because it’s literally the same fucking backstory we’re reminded of every fucking episode only their roles are reversed. Rat Vimes admits to not having the guts to kill Captain John Keel which resulted in his capture by Watchmen Carcer (Alternative Reality Carcer) during the tower sequence of the story. As Rat Vimes explains how Watchmen Carcer became the captain of the city watch, GL Carcer is having flashbacks of these events in the way it played out for him in the current timeline and realizes that he was the only one to shoot down John Keel in all the timelines. He then hands Rat Vimes the knife, telling him that he needs to keep his promise which sends the rat off to perform his duties. Wizard Wonse finally catches up to GL Carcer to inform him that Supermodel Sybil isn’t the third artefact, but the device reacted to Rat Vimes. GL Carcer is very adamant about Supermodel Sybil getting offed because in his mind it means the end of the watch and the end of them interfering in his plans. She reminds him that the Observers told them that nowhere in the multiverse does any version of Vimes kill Sybil. She even suspects that perhaps because of this notion, he might be noble enough deep down to be the third artefact. However, this angers GL Carcer, and he starts going off about how there is no such thing as good or bad. This is the moment where it finally starts to click in his head that maybe everything he did up until this point makes him a bad person. But of course, self-reflection hurts his brain, so he rejects the notion that his actions truly make him evil (maybe for now, who knows) and they move on.

Cut back to Racoon Vimes who has wandered out from the tunnel system Rocky gave him access to and ends up in what appears to be the prison’s mess hall. He approaches Cellmate Virgin to ask him what he meant by them breaking out of there. Cellmate Virgin explains along with Handy that there is only one way out of the prison, and it can only be opened by the warden’s handprint. Well…not exactly handprint, more like the Warden sticks her hand through an open window for a goblin to high five then pull the mechanism that opens the entrance. With the help of some friends on the outside, Cellmate Virgin was able to procure sharpened scissors that they’ll be using to cut the Warden’s hand off in order to get past the goblin guard. Which seems psychotic because all you need is someone with the same skin tone as Warden Sybil’s because clearly the goblin on duty isn’t looking at the person’s face before opening the door. Also, yes, the warden of Tanty prison is Sybil which isn’t an odd choice the writers made as I will soon explain.

When Raccoon Vimes finally encounters Warden Sybil, he is surprised to see her and starts to doubt if he can go through with cutting off her hand to get out of there. Which is a completely understandable hang up if she wasn’t already BAT SHIT INSANE! The writers use the same mindset Supermodel Sybil has when it comes to “reeducating” criminals, only this time on a much larger scale and on steroids. Warden Sybil talks about how it’s her sworn duty to uphold the wishes of the prisons founder, King Veltrick, who bled for the badge to make the city a better place. She likens Tanty to a place of learning that happens to take extreme measures to instill whatever lesson this psycho is trying to teach her prisoners. We have already seen some of these extreme measures in the form of having prison cells smaller than dog kennels, sending misbehaving inmates to the hole/solitary confinement, and locking people in with Rocky who physically attacks anyone who enters his cage. If I were in any of the inmate’s shoes, I’d wholeheartedly cut Warden Sybil’s arm off for what she’s doing to people.

Incoming Rant- Quick background on DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), it’s a mental disorder that is brought on through repeated psychological/emotional/physical/sexual trauma to the psyche that causes a person with the disorder to disassociate from themselves into an entirely new identity. I bring this up because the show writers seemed to have inadvertently alluded to Cellmate Virgin’s mental condition being DID or something akin to the disorder by having his hand become its own character. Now, I’m not accusing characters like Warden Sybil and Nazi Carrot of causing Cellmate Virgin’s obvious mental illness, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility to see that their lack of care towards the prisoners of Tanty may have exacerbated Cellmate Virgin’s preexisting traumas. In the previous episodes, we see that Thief Virgin is mentally stable up until GL Carcer attacks and performs a makeshift lobotomy when sending all the magical radiation in episode five directly to Thief Virgin’s brain. This could mean absolutely nothing since the Virgin we are referring to belongs in an entirely different timeline than from the one we’ve seen the last several episodes, but the fact of the matter is at one point Cellmate Virgin does develop a split personality between himself and Handy. Tanty prison, despite Warden Sybil’s insistence the inmates be allowed arts and crafts hour every other day, still implements unethical practices that have been proven to wear down a person’s psyche over time. And seeing that Cellmate Virgin mentions to Raccoon Vimes that Rat Vimes has been in and out of Tanty for the last twenty years, with him being his cellmate for many of those years, it’s safe to assume that all these outlying factors may have contributed to Cellmate Virgin’s mental decline.

Warden Sybil sends Raccoon Vimes and Cellmate Virgin to the Hut to do intensive arts and crafts. This will be their opportunity to switch the sharpened papier-mâché scissors out with the dull ones they are given without arousing suspicion. While they are whispering about the plan, Watchmen Carcer, captain of the city watch, comes in for a bit to talk to Raccoon Vimes and wish him well in his endeavors. This distraction allows Cellmate Virgin to switch out the blades, so they are ready to go on Raccoon Vimes’s signal.

Back in the original timeline, Supermodel Sybil is sharpening her weapons in preparation to hunt down Accountant Skimmer while muttering about how she liked Raccoon Vimes so how dare he make rational decisions that don’t support her erratic behaviors. Ok that was more me talking, but she does try to justify her decision to detach from the watch because for some inexplicable reason she really did like Raccoon Vimes. Enter Rat Vimes with the knife GL Carcer gave him, who shyly explains to Supermodel Sybil that he isn’t here to arrest her like she thinks he is, but instead has to kill her. She, of course, doesn’t take his words seriously (when has Supermodel Sybil ever taken Raccoon Vimes seriously in this series honestly?) and goes on to say that despite their differences, she’s glad that he came back because she missed him. I guess this is the show’s version of Vimes wanting his dramatic look back in Guards! Guards! Anyway, Rat Vimes stares at her in confusion and is like “no…I literally came here to stab you to death,” but Supermodel Sybil quickly shuts him up by kissing him. When they pull away, she somehow knows he’s not the real Raccoon Vimes but before more questions can be asked, an axe zooms past their heads and lodges into the far side of the wall. Well guess what, Accountant Skimmer is back and he’s looking to kill Supermodel Sybil before she had a chance to recapture/kill him. With her death, Accountant Skimmer would be allowed to reenter the Assassins Guild that he was disbarred from after getting caught in a money laundering scheme. Confused as all hell, Rat Vimes picks the knife he dropped on the ground back up and exclaims that he needs to be the one to kill her. Now Supermodel Sybil is in a Mexican standoff between Accountant Skimmer and Rat Vimes and doesn’t know who to attack. The ex-assassin distracts Supermodel Sybil, recounting how several close family friends to the Ramkin’s are the real reason her parents were inhumed, in hopes that Rat Vimes would take the hint and stab her. Unaware that there isn’t much rattling around in Rat Vimes’s old dome, this distraction is for nothing and Supermodel Sybil ends up firing her crossbow into Accountant Skimmer, incapacitating him.  

The next couple scenes ping pong between the original and alternative timelines as both Vimes’s go completely feral and start attacking each respective Sybil. Rat Vimes doesn’t want to go back to prison so he starts swinging but Supermodel Sybil is way stronger than him so that goes as well as you’d expect. Meanwhile across the multiverse, Raccoon Vimes and his new cronies ambush the Warden, drag her off to the entrance, and demand that she open the door. Warden Sybil calmly explains that if she does then every prisoner in Tanty will learn from this that violence is the answer to their problems. Which is a meaningless statement when in this universe alone she has allowed her prisoners to be both physically and verbally attacked on a constant basis. Anyway, in the end, both versions of Vimes chickens out of doing any real harm to the Sybil’s because he can’t bring himself to harm/kill another living person. While this is going on, Wizard Wonse finally figures out that the thing making her artefact finding device go off isn’t Vimes but the city watch badge he carries with him. Remember when I said that King Veltrick was killed when wearing that badge? Yeah, the noble blood of the king is still on it, making it the true third artefact they need to summon the dragon. Back to what’s going on with the Vimes’s, by the power of deus ex machina, they switch back into their original timelines and the whole thing is magically resolved. Hurray!

The episode finishes up with Accountant Skimmer asking if Raccoon Vimes noticed the woman who took his badge, quacking, then falling forty stories out of an open window (he’s probably ok…). Supermodel Sybil and Raccoon Vimes then talking briefly about their alternative selves before the goon squad finally catches up and tries arresting the raccoon for aiding a fugitive before Supermodel Sybil stops them. Then it closes with GL Carcer preparing to summon the dragon now that he has everything he needs to officially burn the city to the ground.    

Life is a series of choices and clearly, I picked all the wrong ones to get to this point…

Episode Thoughts/Review: 

Surprisingly, Nowhere in the Multiverse’s pacing wasn’t as bad as some of the previous episodes I’ve covered. Although, this still isn’t praiseworthy since the episode continued to have the exact same problems as its predecessors through its overuse of backtracking and exposition. It’s like Simon Allen thinks his audience consists of mindless children. Every episode, there’s always a point where a character has a lengthy dialogue about information we’ve known about since the first episode. I get that the story involves time travel which can be confusing to explain to audiences, but what I don’t want is to hear GL Carcer and Raccoon Vimes’s backstory multiple times every fucking episode. We get it! They were in a gang together and the event made them lifelong enemies when GL Carcer fell through time! I don’t need you to remind me forty more times! That’s all the dialogue is anymore, exposition dumps from random characters about information that has been repeated in everyway you can think of. It’s mind numbingly stupid and it makes me want to bang my head into a wall. I can’t wait for this black hole of a show to end.

I also want to bring up how the writers (technically Simon Allen since, as of now, has written every episode but one) perpetuates the stereotype of the violent mentally ill person. Although it is not explicitly stated, Cellmate Virgin clearly shows signs of mental illness since he uses his hand to allow his second personality to communicate. He is also this episode’s comedy relief since many of the “jokes” center around his atypical idiosyncrasies. By the end of the episode, we see him physically attack Warden Sybil and laugh uncontrollably as he watches another prisoner attack Nazi Carrot. People who live with personality disorders deal with being labeled unstable or dangerous in the eyes of society constantly because the only representation people have of what it’s like living with a mental disorder comes from media that portrays it in a negative light. By including scenes in The Watch where a person’s untreated mental condition is seen as something to be mocked, it perpetuates the vicious stereotype that those with personality disorders are unstable and violent people. Again, this wasn’t the angle that the show was going for, but even though the series marketed itself as having a diverse set of characters, the writing still comes off as disingenuous towards people who have disabilities and/or mental illness. Sorry, I’ll get off my soap box now.

Finally, for the best part of the review...

Things in Nowhere in the Multiverse that made me lose brain cells:  

Sybil’s low enough standards that she’s willing to risk getting ringworm by kissing Vimes 

Me imitating Death’s voice: Let me play you a little ditty, this is I’m a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears

Prisoners having one of two choices: either participate in arts and crafts day or be sent to solitary confinement to be maimed/killed by Alt. Detritus

Alternative Detritus: Not your world, not my Vimes. 

Me: Cheers to that! Definitely not MY Vimes! Not my watch either! 

Honorable Mentions: 

The fact that the show acknowledges its communism = bad allegory is shitty 

There is only one brain cell in the entire show and everyone has to share, including the writers!

[nachotrash]

EVEN MORE INCORRECT QUOTES

ft: me, my best friend (ISAMU, not osamu), and an online friendo (scarlett)

Suga: What’s your name? Tendou, whispering to Yamaguchi: Can I tell them my real name? Yamaguchi: No! Tendou: I’m… Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi, whispering to themselves: The ONE TIME they get my name right…

--------------

Scarlett: Bonjour, Suga. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi? Suga: No, I don't want to sleep with you. Scarlett: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

-------------

Tendou: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

--------------

Isamu: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? Iwa, watching Tendou screaming, Lev trying to set a sleeping Shiyu on fire, and Suga choking on air: I don't know either.

--------------

Shiyu: honk. Tendou: WHAT. Shiyu: HONK. Tendou: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

-------------------

Scarlett, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because... Scarlett, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

-------------------

Shiyu: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, ’* Scarlett: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

------------------------

Lev: Between Suga, , Tendou, and Scarlett -- if you had to -- who would you punch? Iwa: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. Lev: Tendou? Iwa: Yeah, but I don't know why.

-------------------------

Shiyu: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Shiyu: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies. Tendou: Socks are Feetie Heaties. Yamaguchi: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties. Iwa: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies. Scarlett: Stamps are Lickie Stickies. Lev: I hate you guys so much.

-----------------

*Everyone is giving adive to Tendou* Iwa: It's okay to ask for help. Scarlett: You're not a burden. Suga: Murder is okay. Yamaguchi: Your feelings matter.

--------------------

Yamaguchi: Noya... Noya: Oh no, 'Noya' in B flat. Noya: You're disappointed.

--------------

Yamaguchi: We’re kind of missing something guys. Suga: Cohesion? Scarlett: Teamwork? Isamu: A general sense of what we’re doing? Lev: And Shiyu is not here. Suga: Oh, and that, yeah.

-------------

Scarlett: Croissants: dropped Suga: Road: works ahead Tendou: BBQ sauce: on my titties Iwa: Shavacado: fre Noya: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Isamu: Isamu: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

--------------

Lev: You don't think I can fight because of my gender! Isamu: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Scarlett can fight in that dress either. Scarlett: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

---------------------

Yamaguchi: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Isamu: We could attack them with hummus. Yamaguchi: I stand corrected. Isamu: Just keeping things in perspective.

-------------------

Iwa, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles. Tendou: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake- Yamaguchi, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles. Tendou: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

----------------------

Noya: Isamu is taking credit for Lev's work, getting them to deal with everything, and making fun of them! You know what they sounds like? Tendou: You? Noya: No, I meant... You know Lev. In spite of being clever and sarcastic they’re also... fragile and weird and they have trouble fitting in. And Isamu is taking advantage of their weakness! You know what that’s called? Tendou: A Noya? Noya: ...Yeah, but I’m the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?!

----------------------

Iwa: So, did everyone learn their lesson? Tendou: No. Lev: I did not. Isamu: I may have actually forgotten one. Suga: Also no. Iwa: Oh good, neither did I. Yamaguchi: *Exhausted sigh*

----------------

Iwa: That’s illegal, right? Lev: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop? Iwa: No- Lev: Then shut the fuck up.

-----------------

Shiyu: Are you sure Isamu's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

-----------------

Isamu: What does “take out” mean? Shiyu: Food. Iwa: Dating. Yamaguchi: Murder. Suga: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

-----------------

Yamaguchi: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. Suga: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

-----------

Scarlett: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

------------

Isamu: But what about Noya? They were my SOULMATE! Yamaguchi: You said that about a ball of yarn once!

(oop- yams jelly)

----------

Suga: What time is it? Iwa: I don’t know, pass me that saxaphone and we’ll find out Iwa: *BLASTS the saxaphone* Scarlett: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Iwa: It’s 2 am

------------

Noya: Your smile? It makes my day. Scarlett: Your happiness? I live for that. Lev: A room? Get one. Tendou: Hotel? Trivago.

(LETS GOOOOOOOOOO)

------------------

Suga, about Shiyu: They're speaking some kind of French. Lev: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

(when im speaking dutch)

-----------------

Scarlett: I give up. I am so tired. Tendou: Get the emergency supply! Shiyu: *carries Noya and places them in front of Scarlett* Noya: *smiles* Scarlett: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

-----------------

Isamu: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Yamaguchi: No. No, Isamu, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Isamu calls Tendou. Number five: Suga gets eaten by a shark. Suga: I’m Suga, and I approve the order of that list.

(oooo isamu and tendou---)

---------------

Isamu: From now on we will be using code names. Isamu: You can address me as Eagle One. Isamu: Scarlett is “been there done that”. Isamu: Suga is “currently doing that”. Isamu: Noya is “it happened once in a dream”. Isamu: Shiyu is “if I had to pick a dude/gal/enby”. Isamu: And Iwa is.. Isamu: Eagle Two Iwa: Oh thank god.

-----------

Iwa: *points at Lev* A human turtleneck, *points at Suga* a narcissistic monster, *points at Yamaguchi* and literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met. Yamaguchi: And who am I? Describe me now.

-----------------

Yamaguchi: Fight me! Shiyu, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

--------------------

Iwa: Isamu... How do I begin to explain Isamu? Shiyu: Isamu is flawless. Noya: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Tendou: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. Lev: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

(ok but like, they aint wrong tho. also samu punches lev in the face the whole time)

------------------

Lev: If I say I love you, will you say it back? Isamu: Yes. Lev: I love you. Isamu: It back. *Later* Scarlett: Why is Lev crying face-down on the floor?

(cuz he tried to bond with his cousin but failed)

-------------------

Iwa: Suga is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Yamaguchi: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

(fanon suga vs canon suga)

--------------------

Shiyu, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out? Scarlett: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

-------------------

Iwa: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier. Iwa: Violently practices. Shiyu: Violently studies. Scarlett: Violently sleeps. Tendou: Violently shoots pictures. Isamu: Violently boxes. Noya: Violently murders people. Scarlett: Violently worries about the previous statement.

--------------

Noya: You know, when Iwa comes over, Suga can get a little… Tendou: Psycho? Shiyu: Scary? Scarlett: Drunk? Noya: All three.

----------------

Shiyu: Love makes people do stupid things. Yamaguchi: I love everything! Shiyu: That explains a lot.

[frostygar]

Arrow S7 Ep1 Thoughts

I haven’t watched Arrow in a long time, but watching the recap and uhhh Ricardo Diaz or whatever was the most annoying fucking bitch… the biggest reason I’m watching Arrow is because of the Elseworld’s crossover (since I stopped on the episode for The Flash) and also because the show is ending and I’d hate to not finish it after putting in six seasons so far so let’s fucking goooooooooo

- See, this is the problem I have with many shows. They use the same annoying villain for more than a season and honestly I just want the pain to fucking end. Why do you think they only have villains for a season, and then they defeat them and are never seen again? Because otherwise it gets repetitive and boring. Also low-key forgot that William was Oliver’s son. Oh… that was a nightmare Oliver was having um… well everything still applies.

- Ruelle’s songs are always amazing for badasses I love it and her!

- “Watch it, Arrow” bitch are you really going to try and fight him he’s THE ARROW. You’ve seen him fight. Stop being a little bitch. Also, wouldn’t they have to put Oliver in solitary confinement considering he’s a hero (or at least, a big target for the other inmates)?? And what does that security guard have against Oliver like—

- OMG THAT DUDE… I MADE A SUPERNATURAL FIC WHERE MY OC WAS HIS SISTER AND WENT ON WITH SAM AND DEAN. Brendan Fletcher is such a great actor! Anyways,,, we all know Oliver’s going to refuse helping him because he’s trying to stay alive and out of trouble but it’s in his nature to help people so he’ll definitely end up helping him.

- That guy looks like Mick Rory. Also, okay dumbasses, good luck beating the shit out of T H E  A R R O W 😂😂😂

- How to tell that someone is cosplaying as the Arrow other than Oliver being in jail: they unnecessarily shot this guy in the hand, and then made a spectacle out of him by posing him on the tire of a police car at the precinct.

- Why does Oliver look surprised he has a visitor? YOOOOOOOO DIGGLE!!!! Oliver’s number one since the first episode 🥺🥺🥺

- OLIVER’S EYES WATERING UP MY FUCKING HEART!!! Also, I give him shit sometimes but he’s so fucking strong? Physically, yes, but I mean mentally as well. Any other show would take some insane, nonsensical route to get the main character out of jail but Oliver knows that he has to stay down and out of the spotlight for once and he IS. Incredible.

- FELICITY?! WITH THAT PINK HAIR AND NOSE RING?! Please keep this hacker-esque Felicity! It’s so good and looks so fucking hot—

- This guy just trusting a random barista to know what to do, and around his work. What an idiot lmao but whatever I love hacker!Felicity we rarely see her. Her fake-name is Erin… okay. Interesting.

- Wait… Dinah, someone who literally betrayed them (last I remember, it’s hazy because again it’s been awhile and I remember her plot being kinda boring so I didn’t pay that much attention tbh) and was going off the rails… is now the captain of the precinct?? How? However, she SEEMS okay and was pretty cool from what I just witnessed so maybe I’ll give her another shot.

- RENE MY BABY BOIIIII!!!  He’s teaching self defense to teenagers and his daughter PLEASE I LOVE THIS?!?!? I love his relationship with his daughter (and the idea of them fighting crime together when they’re able to again) but high key wasn’t she very, very young last season or am I tripping?

- “So it’s on us to protect ourselves” EXACTLY WHY RENE/WILD DOG IS TEACHING YOU SELF DEFENSE… Kid, he can’t be Wild Dog right now. I guess for safety or whatever but like damn I get that your parents were robbed the week before but maybe you could, I don’t know, ask Rene as your self defense teacher, to help you?? You don’t NEED Wild Dog…

- Can people stop calling Oliver “Arrow” it’s low-key annoying…

- NOT THUS DUMBASS KID TRYING TO BUY GUNS. BUT YASSS RENE KNOWING HE’D DO SOMETHING STUPID AND COMING TO THE RESCUE NOW I GET TO SEE RENE BEAT THESE GUY’S ASSES

- “The Green Arrow” technically still protecting Rene (despite the real Oliver and Rene’s iffy relationship) we love to see it

- Honestly though I think Oliver and Felicity are kind of cute and have an… okay… relationship but she’s much better suited with like nerdy guys. than guys like Oliver. I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on exactly why I’m not really into Olicity (other than the stans) but I miss her being a hacker and helping out instead of just being Oliver’s wife or whatever

- LAUREL!!! I mean, not the REAL Laurel if I remember correctly, I’m hoping that the Earth-2 (?) Laurel isn’t going to be as annoying and flip-floppy as she was last season.

- “… this New Green Arrow a threat” LIKE OLIVER WAS ONE??? YOU BITCHES DEEMED HIM A VILLAIN FOR THE DUMBEST BULLSHIT BECAUSE OF THE REAL VILLAIN RICARDO DIAZ, BUT NOW THAT THIS GREEN ARROW IS ACTUALLY A THREAT��� NOW Y’ALL ARE SCARED?????????? Jesus Christ.

-  It’s been 17 minutes but this feels like an entirely different show. Almost refreshing, if Ricardo Diaz wasn’t the villain (or that the government is against Oliver like idk it’s just not… interesting really)

- YAY AWWWW I MISS CURTIS!!! One of my ultimate faves 🥺🥺

- Well that dude is definitely not Tommy (even though I did hear about him coming back somehow??)

- That poor guy. Is he going to end up becoming a villain or something because Oliver didn’t protect him?

- Rene caring more about his kids having hope than their dumb immunity deal 🥺🥺🥺

- WILLIAM. If anyone hurts him I swear to GOD… I will kill them myself. Also, his bond with Felicity 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- How convenient that the guy’s cell is directly next to Oliver’s. And Oliver’s reaction to seeing the guy all fucked up… the guilt :(

- Yeah, both of you have family but you also are both in jail… maybe wrongly accused I don’t know if that’s true but in jail it’s a game of survival and as sad as it is for Oliver to look out for himself and his future, he’d risk everything for someone he doesn’t even know and he’s done that his whole life and look where he is now…

- YESSSS RENE MY FUCKING MAN!!! Doing what he needs to do for the sake of his kids at the community center!!!

-  Oliver’s fighting naked I’m—

- WILLIAM SHOWING UP IN THE CORNER NOT ONLY SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM—

- “Thank God you monologue” THE WAY I’M SCREAMING!?!??! Also Felicity being allowed to fight back and be badass since Oliver isn’t there to take control we love to see independent women! Iris West could never! Honestly why the fuck does Diaz even CARE. All I remember is that he found out who Oliver was and didn’t like it because oof his own tragedy or something and now he wants to make Oliver pay, but it’s like… POINTLESS. It’s like Hiram Lodge in Riverdale… Diaz is boring.

- That “you’re okay” from Oliver when he saw Felicity aww!

- FELICITY… I GET THAT YOU’RE AFRAID BUT YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE WILLIAM!!!

- How exactly is Felicity going to fight back, though. Like, yeah she knows some moves but her speciality is hacking.

- Dinah is still as annoying BUT she at least makes sense so that’s a plus.

- William’s “you’re leaving me” NOOO 😭😭😭

- YESSSSSS OLIVER GOING OFF!!!! Also not that guard just watching and doing nothing like he doesn’t make any sense. He hates Oliver but lets him fuck up the people that he has to know is doing bad shit like??

- WAIT A FUCKING SEC, ROOY AND WILLIAM?!?!?! OH BITCHHHHHHH

I’M HERE TALKING ABOUT HOW ARROW IS BORING BUT THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD? Maybe it’s because it’s the season 7 premiere and the hype does tend to flutter off throughout the season but holy fuck!!! That was… really good!!

[ghost-town-story]

Alright my friends are bastards who made a bet on this, but it’s ramble time about OG story and the rewrite. Let’s goooooooooo

Ok so I think the best place to start out with is with the characters. So I’ll recap the character bios from when I reread this shit, then go into how they’d change for the rewrite. 

OG Kiddos: They’re all ~13 here Melody: Protag. Basically my self insert lel. Secret princess of another world. For reasons, she was brought to this world as a kid and adopted by a random family (oh wait it’s my fam). For (basically) plot reasons, said family dies and she’s being foster/adopted by her nameless foster mom. Magic powers are shapeshifting, elemental, and some dumb thing that’s never relevant Finn: Named and modeled after my crush at the time, also Melody’s crush (and eventual boyfriend/husband lol). Magic powers are shapeshifting and Jake’s stupid magic powers Jared: I’ve posted about Astral Jared a lot. Just imagine that, but way shittier bc this is the dawn of his creation lol. Will’s twin. Magic powers are elemental, time powers (that are rarely mentioned), and some weird shit that boils down to, he’s a seer and also way overpowered lol Will: Jared’s twin. Again, just take whatever I’ve mentioned for Astral Will, and make it shitty bc he’s a baby. Magic powers are he’s a werewolf, a telepath, and for a hot minute he had what was basically the opposite of Jared’s OP power. That got dropped I think before the story transferred from paper to computer tho, bc it was never used/never fit with his character Jake: Mel’s foster brother who turns out to actually be her real brother, through a series of coincidences. Same thing happened with him when he was a baby, due to time fuckery he’s now the same age as Mel, and he was raised in a Spanish-speaking home so he’s fluent. Magic powers…. please. they’re so stupid. Don’t ask me to elaborate

And now the rewrite boissss Melody: From another world, but doesn’t realize it. Thinks she was abandoned as a toddler (she kinda was). Her foster mom ends up adopting her, and she takes on the role of “big sister” for any other kids they end up fostering. Magic powers would be elemental and shapeshifter (rip dumb irrelevant thing) Finn: The quiet, stoic one. Best friends with Mel since childhood, ends up with a crush on her and has no idea how to handle it other than “Turn it off!” (sorry i had to lel). Magic powers would be shapeshifting again. Trash powers are going in the gotdamned trash Jared: ehehehe let’s just take Astral Jared and take away the trauma and we have this lil dumbass lol. Very much a dumbass, very oblivious, 10/10 would try to shake some brains into his head. Magic powers would be elemental and seer, taking away the weird connotations with his seer powers. Depending on plot, I might also bring back the time manipulation, but that’s still unknown Will: Again, take Astral Will and take away the trauma, and he’s a sassy lil shit. 10/10 would be the one shaking Jared’s dumb ass. Still a werewolf, still a telepath. His magic is easy yo. Important note: All the above kiddos would be around 15. I cannot write them at 13 bc I cannot write 13-year-olds without intense shame Jake: Pequeno bebe. Similar case to Mel, abandoned as a baby, but the family that found him quietly took him in and raised him as their own. Due to plot reasons that have yet to be figured out, he ends up in the foster system and with Mel. Very quiet and shy, but with a ferocious temper once raised. Also hella gay panic at Jared. He’s significantly younger than the others, by at least a grade or two, so around 12/13 I think. I also have no clue yet what his magic powers are gonna be, since trash ones are trashed. Ryder: Mel and Jake’s dad. He’s had a name since the OG sequel, but he’s being added here so I can refer to him easier Cassiopeia: Mel and Jake’s mom. Also being named for ease of reference later

Alrighty, that’s enough of that. Now onto the stories!

Original plot: It was trash. But I’ll summarize the trash as best as I can. 

So basically, mysterious voice tells Mel and Finn to go on an adventure (who the voice is, I honestly don’t remember). So, being absolutely idiotic, wannabe heroic 13-year-olds, they say “Sure!” and off they go! 

Meanwhile, Jared and Will get kidnapped by Ryder as bait to draw Mel in. Why? Because he is a colossal dick. Also he needs Mel for something (I don’t quite remember what. Besides a giant “fuck you!” to Cassie). So off they go to another world. 

Mel learns Ryder has Jared and Will, also learns he’s her real father, yaddah yaddah, goes off to confront him with Finn in tow. They don’t.... He ultimately gets away, yay victory, kiddos go home, Jake has more than a few throwaway lines. That’s... about it tbh

Now keep in mind for the rewrite, I don’t have everything quite planned out. But here we goooooooo

Jake has been with Mel and her foster mom for at most, three ish months by this point, bc we gon start approximately first day of school ish. Therefore, Jake finally meets Will and Jared, and as kids are stupid and stupidly vicious, there’s some teasing him. Jake has amber eyes and a birthmark on his face. Kids are mean. 

One of them calls him a werewolf, and of course Will intervenes, and because he’s a sassy lil shit, the following interaction happens:

Jake ducked out from under the boy’s arm. “I can handle myself!” he hissed.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. But those kids were pissing me off. After all,” and his easy grin shifted into something more... predatory, “they wouldn’t know a real werewolf if one bit them in the ass.” 

Sassy dumbass. 

So at some point soon thereafter (probably for like a week or so), Jake notices this dude hanging around the school every afternoon when they get out. But when he points him out to anybody, the guy just disappears before anybody else notices him. 

But Jake sees him. And his familiar amber eyes and birthmark. 

So maybe one afternoon Jake slips away from Mel, or he ducks out of the house one Saturday to go back, to see if he can find the guy and see wtf is up.

And so Ryder takes Jake with him. Kidnapping? Coercion? fuck if i know yet!

Mel has gone full on mama bird/big sister on Jake, so when he disappears, she starts to worry almost immediately. When he’s still not found for ages, it only gets worse. Finally, she drags Finn and Jared and Will out to the school to help her search, because maybe there’s something magical going on, but also she has to find Jake. 

They don’t find Jake, but they do find a portal. So with a little preparation, these idiotic wannabe heroic kids jump through said portal to see about rescuing Jake. 

(how do they know they’ll find Jake through the portal? Maybe they don’t. Or maybe Jared’s seer powers have told him something. shhh this isn’t well planned out)

What happening to Jake as this goes on? Good question

Mel and Co end up running into somebody else who is also seemingly stalking the same place as them. Turns out, yo, it’s Cassie! 

“What are you doing here?” 

Melody refused to back down under the woman’s glare. “I’m looking for my brother.” 

“Your brother is not here.” 

“Yes he is here, and I’m going to get him back!” Melody snapped. 

“I made sure he was safe. There is no way he can be here.” 

Melody had a realization. “I don’t care about what brother I may have had once upon a time,” she hissed. “He was lost to me the second my parents abandoned me. I’m here for Jake.” 

To her surprise, the woman’s face twisted with worry. “Jake?” She turned to the castle. “Oh Ryder, what have you done?” 

*meanwhile, elsewhere*

Ryder: Dammit Cassie, not everything is my fault!

And that’s about all I have thus far lol

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 06.09.18 lb

ugh i am notttttttttttt looking forward to today’s ep. i’ve been trying to put off watching it for the past 4 hours now... 

soft eyes soft eyes what soft eyes you dumb billu check yourself and your soft eyessssssssss

mohit is typical desi fuckboy husband; apparently the best thing about his wife is how much she takes care of HIM. god. 

“because i love you.” ft. the deadest eyes ever. 

no taj, you’re definitely not “low maintenance”. you’re the most extra sonovabitch ever and putting up with you is clearly wearing on her. 

“SORRY BABY TUMHARA TITLI KO KOI AUR PHOOL PASAND AA GAYA.” LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

jfc this bish is drugging him. 

THAT CUP IS SO CLEARLY EMPTY. 

some fucking mindreader he is. anika was right. pooora jhol hai. 

biwi # 1 ke mann mein khatre ki ghanti baji. someone’s about to attack her suhaag. 

jfcccccccccc her dead eyed stare is even scarier up close. 

HOW THE FUCKKKKKKKK IS GAURI’S HAIR (AND EVERYTHING ELSE) SO PERFECT EVEN IN BED????? COME THE FUCK ON MAN, GIVE THE REST OF US GIRLS A FUCKING CHANCE AT SURVIVING. 

yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes idhar Rapey Zombie Barbie™ is already working on his kurta buttons. 

WOMAN, IF YOU DON’T GETCHO DAMN HANDS OFF HIM THIS VERY MOMENT.... 

OMFG SHE PUT THE OIL TO HURT GAURI THIS BITCH IS SERIOUSLY ASKING FOR ONE TIGHT SLAP. 

“all men like me.”  waaah, what overconfidence

jfccccccccccccccccccccccccc she’s doing the “gusse mein kitna hot lagte ho” garbage. 

ASKJDHJKASDHKKHKDSF JUST GTFO HIMMMMMMMMMM THIS IS JUST AS TRIGGERING TO WATCH WHEN DAKSH/SHIVAAY WERE FORCING THEMSELVES ON ANIKA WHY IS THIS SHOW SO FUCKING RAPEY

please usss splittttt second mein that anika looked down to fix her dupatta how did Rapey Bitch hide and Shivaay get off the bed to stand in the middle of the room like that??? 

pareshaan nahi hoon main, says the man who looks like THAT. 

haaaye anika why aren’t your patni waale superpowers working right now???????? DON’T GOOOOOOOOOO. 

thissssssssssssssss predatoryyyyyy bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mannnnn. 

great. mohit’s here too. apparently those drugs work for a surprisingly short duration.

“SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!” LMAO YEAH IT CERTAINLY *IS* A SURPRISE THAT YOU’RE HERE IN HIS BEST FRIEND’S ROOM AT THIS TIME, DRESSED LIKE THAT. 

“sorry shivaay, meri titli aisi hai. kuch karne pe aayi toh na din dekhti hai na raat.” 

THEN FUCKING PUT A LEASH ON YOUR FUCKING TITLI YOU DUMBASS. 

god poor shivaay looks so fucking traumatized. iske life mein already kya kam trauma the, ki now sexual assault has also been added to it. 

OK WE GOT IT, YOUR TITLI IS FUCKING WILDDDDDDDDDDDD. BAAR BAAR BOLNE KI ZAROORAT NAHI HAI. NOW TAKE HER AND GO. GOD. 

some creepyass wayyyyyyy-too-close-for-comfort weirdness from mohit also, but again, shivaay is just too traumatized to register what’s happening. COULD YOU BOTH JUST FUCKING LEAVEEEEEE???? 

yuck that was the grossest kiss i’ve seen being blown ever. 

what happened to shivaay’s red ka “phobia”???? why the fuck is he wearing thisssssssss?????????// 

UGH MOHIT WHY ARE YOU SUCH A CREEP, CAN A HUSBAND AND WIFE NOT BE WITHIN 2 FEET OF EACH OTHER WITHOUT IT BEING SEXUAL???? 

a casual “let’s see” thrown out regarding the ETA of omRu. 

please god bring them backkkkkkk already. 

mohit only eats apples for breakfast it seems. who does such weird farmaishein while staying with someone else????? 

i hate this blouse of anika’s. it’s so weirdly gaping at the neck, jaise tailor ne naap sahi nahi liya ho. 

oh great anika and her jadoo garbage again. 

mohit now knows that anika’s been a snoopy bitch who went though his shit. 

shivaay is me. 10000000000% done with this nonsense. 

what the fuck is the deal with this lighter anyway??? 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ainvayi ka chutiyaapa. 

GREAT. THIS BITCH IS AT IT AGAIN. 

tiniest #riku moment of the day: prinku attempting to overfeed her girl. 

ok nancy, you fucking crazyass bitch you’re really fucking asking for it. 

i have never, ever, EVER, felt worse FOR shivaay in the history of this godforsaken show. ever. 

aw, his first instinct was “anika”. 

but guess his radar doesn’t work too well in this universe. 

mannnnnnnnnnnnnn her dialogue delivery is just.... it’s like watching one of those animatronic statues. 

“kabhi kabhi for a change, cheating karna chahiye.” 

like, whatever floats your boat, but find a consenting partner for that, you crazyass ho. 

“main apni wife ko cheat nahi kar sakta.” 

apni wife! mannnnnnn, where’s anika when you need her around to hear these things???????/ 

how the fuck does nancy know so much about anika being wife only in name and not sharing bed and all??? 

WHERE THE FUCK IS KHANNA TO GUARD SHIVAAY’S FUCKING BODY WHEN YOU NEED HIM TO??????? 

"tum bohut shareef type ke ho.” 

lol ok he’s a lotttttt of things, but SHAREEF isn’t one of them. 

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god anika’s here. 

man this Corpse Bride is amazzzzzzzzing at getting out of these situations. someone give me her pathological lying skillz. 

god anika, stop lecturing. 

he seems to like it and find it comforting though. so maybe keep at it. just for now. 

"main ek baat bolun? tum bohut achchi ho.”

lol she’s right to be suspicious. 

awww. tiny moments of domesticity are my favt. 

oh billu. ohhhhhhhhhhh billu. why can’t you just give into your heart (and downstairs brain) already????/ 

OLD O JAANA!!!!!!!!! OLD O JAANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

this bloody aafat of a phone of his. 

why’s SHE running away???? 

okaaaaaaay? why’s she so overexcited that he said her name by mistake? 

poor billu’s lady problems are never-ending today. 

oh great anika and mohit are going out. together. which means.... 

yup. 

NEVER HAVE I BEEN MORE RELIEVED TO SEE KHANNA BE THE ONE MAKE AN ENTRY. 

lollllllll i really can’t tell who is suffering more in this employer-employee relationship of shivaay/khanna. 

why do they keep having the same conversation over and over about the cctv system? khanna says it can’t be done, and shivaay’s like no idc, do it. and khanna just says yes and leaves. like.... ???????????? 

GREAT THE RAPIST IS HERE. 

“sooooooooo hot.” 

relate sooooo hard with shivaay’s stinkeye here. 

waaah, kitni safaai se she converted her casual sexual harassment into a comment about the weather. 

greatttttttttttttttttttttttt, the rapeyness just fucking escalates tomorrow and anika and mohit are gonna walk in on them in a compromising position. just wonderful. when’s this bitch getting murdered again?????????? 

[creaturebloom]

hi anxiety VERY big !!!!! luv constantly thinking abt how im gonna bleed to death !!!!!!!!!!!

great thanks !!! good job time !!!!!!!!!!!

BIG BIG SCARED GREAT GOOD YES !!!!!!

i haven’t had a panic attack in like three years but sure !!! now’s the time !!!!!! now is The Time !!!!!!!!!!! let’s goooooooooo

LET’S FUCKIN GO GET RECKT IM GONNA DIE IMMEDIATELY BUT THAT’S ALRIGHT I DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE ALONE AND DISAPPEAR INTO THE WOODS BUT I LIKE TO TELL MYSELF THAT BECAUSE IT’S EASIER TO DEAL WITH !!! IT’S EASIER TO SELF ISOLATE THAN IT IS TO ADMIT THAT I WANT TO BE LOVED AND NEEDED AND NECESSARY AND REMEMBERED !!!!!!!!

thirty cats will eat my body before i am found and that is so sad

god that is so sad

i am holding onto so much pain and so much shit and i am so, so fucked up from the last time i was In Love and we never rectified anything !!! and i won’t !!! i won’t text him or call him or ever contact him because i still hurt !!!! hi it still hurts !!! five years later and i don’t know how to forgive myself for being so fucking naive and soooo so in love with this asshole ! and i know I KNOW that virginity is a fucking made up concept that doesn’t mean anything but god i regret it !!! i regret it so fucking much and i’ve never admitted that before and i don’t want to admit it but it’s true i just

i don’t want to regret it and i don’t want to think that i wasted so long hung up on someone that for all intents and purposes just used me. for sex and for therapy and for someone to baby him and take care of everything and just !!!!! for everything !!!!!!

and he wouldn’t love me god he just wouldn’t love me and it’s all i wanted. i would have kept it up ! i would have done it all forever if he would have just loved me !!!!!!!!!!

but he didn’t

he didn’t and he never would and i clung so hard to the idea that if i just stayed available if i just stuck around if i just showed him how good i was for him that he’d love me. i tricked myself into thinking that because he got jealous when i slept with someone else that meant something, that it meant he was in love with me but he was just scared ! what a load of shit !!!! it didn’t mean anything !! he was jealous because he didn’t want me to wise the fuck up and realize what a shit situation i was in and how i could do so much better !!!! how i deserved better !!!!!!

i was so fucking naive and i just haven’t been able to forgive myself for it and that’s so shitty of me like honestly ????? that’s so shitty of me to not forgive myself i mean god. i was young and stupid and impulsive and full of life and i just fell head first into something i shouldn’t have and that’s okay

if i can forgive him i can forgive myself

and i do. i know i mean. i know. but it wasn’t always bad and it wasn’t always being used and it wasn’t always me crying alone and drunk and wishing he was in love with me. sometimes we were just friends and that was good.

and now so many things are coming to a start or an end and i don’t know which is which or whether it matters. i have not felt feelings like this in a long time. i have not wanted to. and i don’t know where it’s going or what it means. crush man texted me the day he got to bolivia just to tell me he was there and going to take a nap. i hadn’t expected to hear from him for at least eight days and he texted me from his hotel room just to. check in. just to check in with me. and the day he left he ignored everyone else to spend time with me. and the night before he left for new york he did the same. he chose to spend time with me alone rather than our friends.

he wanted a two player co-op game just to play with me. and we got it and we play it together just the two of us. he purposefully puts emphasis on spending time with me. i need to just trust that. 

i know we started out heavy and quick and foolish and i miss that, i do, but it’s better like this. it is better to just feel him there in my chest and know. a certain type of knowing. and i am scared. i am scared because i don’t know how to be this version of me in quite the right way yet, and i don’t know how to have feelings for someone that isn’t treating me like shit. that isn’t abusing my feelings just because they like feeling liked. just because they want someone around to hang onto them.

and im scared that is what’s happening. of course im scared of that. but i don’t think that’s it. i don’t think that’s really what’s going on at all. i think he just likes me. i think we just both realized that it’s better to be cautious than foolish and i think we have both been foolish in the past and it has gotten us into trouble. i don’t know anything about his past relationships and he doesn’t know anything about mine. we’ll get to that. one day we’ll get to it all.

but for now i like having fun with him. i like spending time with him.

god. he makes me laugh so hard sometimes i think i’m going to die from it and that it would be alright. he makes my face hurt because i cannot stop smiling.

i have never met a man like him. he is like an amalgamation of all the best parts of the people i admire. and i know there’s more to it, i know there’s more to him than just the best parts and that’s alright because there’s more to me, too. there’s more to everyone. 

i miss him a lot.

but this time apart is good. i had to breathe for a bit, you know, to realize some shit. think hard about stuff.

i have to forgive myself.

i have to forgive myself for being young and loving with my whole heart everyone that was bad for me and not myself. i love myself now, and i can love myself from then, too. it wasn’t her fault and it’s okay. it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.

it hurts but it’s okay.

it’s okay.