#demolition dumbasses

[bmoshh]

request: something silly with reti. I Would Like To See The Baby -rivstyx

The BABY YOU SHALL SEE

@night-at-the-musian <javier belongs to him

[night-at-the-musian]

look, they JUST got this new dad, they’re not gonna give him up so easily, even for a quick supply run.

the charrerías are @bmoshh’s.

[night-at-the-musian]

RETI FOR PRESIDENT

SHE HAS SHAKY DYNAMITE AND IS GREAT AT NEGOTIATING. EXCELLENT BABY PRESIDENT.

WHOOOOOO’S READY FOR A BABYYYYY FIIIIGHTTTT?!!?

MORE ON OUR CONTESTANTS (all miniature diorama babies!):

Reti: Character by @bmoshh and @night-at-the-musian ! The daughter of Petra Charrería and Javier Peshlakai.

Amorette: Owned by @thevintageducky, the daughter of their OC Markus Faust!

Donte: Owned by me! The son of Betsy Maverick and Lorenzo Perez!

And as always all art credit goes out to @thevintageducky to keep it consistent.

[daredussy]

soap can be silly goofy and smart at the same time, he’s like michael vsauce

[morimementa]

Banal Retired SoapGhost headcanons

Soap still does demolition work, but in the construction field. He's got a nice office job which he has mixed feelings about.

Ghost works part time as museum security, part time as a nightclub bouncer. He finds the museum job pleasant because it's not sensory overload and people rarely talk to him, but boring for the same reasons. By contrast the nightclub is hell on his sensory issues but he enjoys strongarming the odd jerkwad.

By some miracle, Soap's hearing is not completely destroyed. It's still adequate, but he's learned BSL and ASL as a precaution and he's discussed any potential need of hearing aids down the line with his GP.

His ears may be fine, but remember the knee brace in MW2? Yeah, that's still an issue. It's an old battle wound, so he's had time to find helpful therapies, but whenever a ripper of a storm starts blowing in, expect to find him on the sofa with his leg propped up, muttering curses.

Ghost wears unscented deodorants, uses unscented soap, refuses to touch anything with perfume in it. This is a common thing in soldiers with PTSD, apparently. Their neighbor has MCAS and gladly shares product recommendations while breathing a sigh of relief that there's at least one house they can safely visit without triggering a flareup.

Fireworks are one huge pain. At least they don't have the fourth of July to worry about. One time someone in their neighborhood got a little too freaky with the bottle rockets. The next day Ghost came over to "politely tell them to keep it down". There hasn't been a repeat since.

Those neighbors now view him with a combination of terror and awe. As is proper.

Soap has a severe fear of heights due to the whole being-dangled-out-a-window thing. Combined with Ghost's claustrophobia, they both wind up taking the stairs a whole lot.

(Ghost offers to carry Soap on the days when his knee acts up. Soap cuffs him upside the head and laughs at this.)

(He'd still say yes if it meant not subjecting Ghost to an unexpected elevator.)

Civilian life gives them a lot of time to unpack their dual PTSD diagnoses. Ghost has a harder time letting his guard down because he's been on guard for most of his life.

Soap's ADHD was less noticeable in the military, but in their shared living space, he tends to lose track of things. At least once a day he goes, "Babe, where the (thing)?" and Ghost is like, "In the (place), dumbass (affectionate)."

Of the two of them, Soap is more prone to nightmares, usually about Las Almas. Ghost has always been a light sleeper, so he tends to wake up in time to either bring him out of it or comfort him when he jolts awake. Soap is always quick to return the favor.

(Ghost will only admit this to Soap but he gets his best sleep with Johnny in his arms. He loves knowing Soap is safe with him.)

Soap's also prone to getting the wiggles in bed, so sometimes Simon sleeps on top of him for that deep pressure goodness.

It goes both ways, of course. Sometimes Ghost comes home from work and goes, "Floor me." And Soap lays on top of him while he rests on the floor because job loud and stupid, husband warm and soft.

[nevertoforgive]

★☆★☆my soapghost headcannons☆★☆★

🧼

▪︎most annoying person alive, (affectionate)the type of person to fuck with Ghost's stuff or touch him 24/7 because he wants attention and he'll just sit there and pout if he ignores him.

▪︎loves pet names, he'll use the regular shit (babe,baby,love) but he's also the type to call ghost super specific random shit(he's still recovering from the time he thought it'd be funny to call him Skelator)

▪︎tried to cut his own hair once and fucked it up so bad he just had to go bald for a few weeks(gaz will never let it go and brings it up weekly)(Ghost cuts it for him now)

▪︎waaaaay smarter than he let's on. I mean he's a demolitions expert ffs, and while he acts like a dumbass half the time, he's really brilliant

▪︎It's his dream to ride a horse. He just thinks it'd be cool(he would fall off and get concussed immediately)(gaz thinks it's a great idea)

▪︎grows his hair out after a while even though the guys give him hell for how impractical it is when it's long

💀

•gentle giant vibes (HEAR ME OUT) he's just so rough and cutthroat on the field that when he's around the people he cares about outside of that environment he doesn't wanna act that way(it's the little things though, like straightening Gaz's hat when it gets knocked sideways a bit, or bringing Price dinner when he gets drowned in paperwork and misses it, or gently adjusting the straps on Soaps tac vest even though he could do it himself)he absolutely refuses to acknowledge it and pretends he's a very ruthless scary leitenant

•his love language is acts of service and when he and Soap first get together he doesn't really know how to deal with him because he's never been around someone so damn touchy before

•such a sucker for pet names, he only ever uses sweetheart or love(on very special occasions he might say baby but it's rare)but he absolutely melts at anything soap calls him(angel,darlin,honey,pup,etc.)

•listens to the weirdest fuckin music. works out to classical, but falls asleep to metal. (Also the whole team loves AC/DC bc I said so.)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This was way longer than I planned, but it's nice to have somewhere to info dump, so maybe I'll do more later, lol.

[seragak]

   ☆

here are some ghost/soap fics that i’ve read recently that i absolutely loved (thanks to all the writers for writing & sharing their wonderful works) 🧼🖤💀 Poison Apple by surveycorpsjean  ☆ Just one bite; to taste, and let go.Or, the on-field flirting is getting a little ridiculous. Familiar as a Bottle and a Glass by queeniegalore  ☆ He’d had Ghost’s voice pouring into his ear for hours, somehow rough and smooth and smoky all at once, like the kind of Scotch he couldn’t really afford. And that voice, combined with the fatigue, the bone deep weariness, was starting to have the same effect as good Scotch on his resolve, on his fucking impulse control Soapghost Drabbles Collection by slytherco  ☆ A collection of Soapghost shorts. i'm afraid i'll go to heaven by malfoymoment  ☆ “So blackmail,” Ghost supplied. Price gave a jerky nod in affirmation. “Okay. What in the fresh hell does it have to do with me?” 141 Cafe (Comic) by BluishFishFood  ☆ Coffeeshop AU comic for the cod men. Demolition Lovers by eddie_dxaz  ☆ Soap is framed for a crime that he didn’t commit. Now a fugitive and officially an enemy of the military, he’s on the run desperately trying to survive. What happens when his best friend and former partner Simon “Ghost” Riley is sent to kill him but fails? Dripping Diamonds (Between My Thighs) by EmpressCirque for AppleCiderp  ☆  Soap sends Ghost a nude thanks to drunken courage. It goes better than he could have expected.

Emergency Contact by soapsbeloved  ☆

John MacTavish, known to most of his friends simply as “Soap”, is about as unlucky in love as you could get, never finding someone that would give him enough of a chance for a second date, resorting to sleeping around when he gets stood up. Simon Riley (aka Ghost), his best friend, seems to be the only person in the world willing to give Soap a chance, but the dumbass (Soap, that is) can’t see past the fact that Ghost isn’t very good at talking about things, and is completely and utterly oblivious to how Ghost feels about him.

Except You, You Can Stay by Iravaid  ☆

Five times Simon Riley let himself be vulnerable and was met with punishment for it, one way or another. Then, one time he finally wasn't.

gasoline in your heart by whisperwarm  ☆

soap and ghost start hooking up; soap and könig have apparently been hooking up; ghost doesn't know how to deal with it (eventual polycule)

Something In The Orange by insomniamemoirs  ☆

Soap wakes up next to Ghost in the mornings, just to get called by a name that isn’t his. Ghost wakes next to Soap and sees another Sergeant that he’s going to fail.

i'll write "i love you" with my fingers on your sleeping hand by books_bracken_and_booze  ☆

Many people often took one look at Soap and dismissed him as stupid. Why, he didn't know. He could hazard a guess that it was associated with the near-constant smile on his face and the jokes he cracked. You didn't become the resident demolitions expert by being dumb, however. And if there was one thing that Soap was good at, it was reading people.

Something About You by Crypticchaotic  ☆

@sgtslut posted an image!

or

Ghost is a simp. Soap is an attention whore.

Pattern Breaker by mothbeast  ☆

A canon-compliant rework and extension of MW2: Reboot.

☆

[filmcel]

donnie darko - the best movie i’ve ever seen. such an interesting depiction of mental health. it’s interesting fuck the director though he’s a dumbass.

prisoners - THE movie to recommend people. idk anyone who has watched it and hated it. it’s so fucking good . tbh jake is like the least interesting part of the movie he’s pretty ugly. paul dano is the goat. the best movie i’ve seen revolving around some mystery. always on my toes always scared. when u think you know u end up being wrong. it gets u.

zodiac - he’s so cute in this movie and that’s as good as it gets. it’s good for one viewing and that’s IT. it’s very interesting has good sequences. but it’s so damn long. i guess if u wanna argue that it wants u to FEEL how they felt waiting so long trying to catch the zodiac killer id say sure fine but also they never even catch him so what’s the point of the movie. idk.

brokeback mountain - no comment

nocturnal animals - this movie is absolutely insane in the worst way. the two main characters r fuxking deranged. jake’s character is deranged for being like that. his weird revenge thing is so strange and it’s uncomfortable. i didn’t get it i didn’t like it i wouldn’t watch again.

enemy - this fucking movie…. idk how i sat thru it all actually. i’m proud of myself but i didn’t need to put myself thru that. jake is so boring in this. the movie itself is so fucking boring. it’s so weird. it’s so ugly. it looks like shit and it’s shot like shit and i don’t get why bc it’s a denis movie. maybe i’m not smart enough to get it but it sucked dick AND balls.

the guilty - okay. i know this movie isn’t very good. but i watched it and was entertained. it rlly is something you’d catch on the tv while ur at the dentist and get rlly invested in the 30 minutes ur in the waiting room. its nothing life changing but i had a good time

ambulance - HWHSJFJJDJAJAJS. the worst shit i’ve ever fucking seeeeeen. it’s hilarious tho . watch it drunk otherwise u might be bored out of ur mind. this movie is so insanely shot. i remember the billion drone shots. i remember the spleen burst. i remember the goofy shots they did of jake. idk how it got made. idk how jake is in it.

brothers - this movie… isn’t BAD…. i think? it made me uncomfortable. which yeah. that’s the point. but like the scene of tobey like being captured whatever . idk enough about anything but was that offensive in some way? let me know… it felt strange . the movie tho is super hard to watch. it’s cringey and scary. i wanna rewatch to get my full thoughts on it because it was awhile ago . great acting tho.

end of watch - Stupid baka fucking movie. i made my mom rent this shit and im sorry i wasted 4 of ur hard earned dollars. this movie is worth nothing. it’s so racist to mexicans. it’s embarrassing. like the main guy is mexicans and it does all that cringe cholo shit it made me want to claw my eyes out and never watch another movie again.

the covenant - GEHHRDHHFHRHSJZJFJRJEJ the most boring movie of all these honestly. i think i almost fell asleep. jake is in too many military movies actually holy shit. don’t watch this one at all lmfao .

jarhead - this one is the most interesting military movie he’s in but it’s also graphically one of the worst so beware. it rlly doesn’t hold back with trying to be gross and bad. and i understand why. but it does make it hard to watch. it’s shot rlly well though. and the acting is great.

demolition - OH BROTHHERRRRR. i thought this movie would be worth something because it’s one of those u see a lot of clips of online. it’s genuinely so stupid tho. i can barely remember the plot but i just remember it made no sense. ppl keep getting jake for these insane characters except it’s just dumb as shit.

october sky - this is a cute fun movie you’d watch in middle school ^_^! cute little time!!! and it has laura dern so what’s not to like!! maybe a little boring to some tho.

[bmoshh]

Mi rayo de Luna ⭐️

Javier belongs to @night-at-the-musian !!!❤️

Shoutout to @creative-chaos-apparently ..they know what they did and I can’t stop laughing about it.

[night-at-the-musian]

SLUTCHOPOMP REAL

also javier and pedro i am weeping openly

pic dump

(you can tell i've been experimenting with brushes and styles and such lol. shoutout to @night-at-the-musian for letting me steal his characters for sketchin purposes)

[night-at-the-musian]

fuck yes couple time. pick your ideal heavenverse/musian character romance

Septraj (Septimius and Trajan)

"Trajan- no," Septimius said, eyes averted and face blushing. "Taran."

Trajan went red at his true name being used.

"My scorpio. It... it will not work without two operators."

He held the ring with both hands.

"You... you have been my partner and confidant for so many years. I have watched you work for decades. The way you arrange the parts of our machines, the method of your metalworks, the way your sweat glistens on your brow - it captivates me."

He stepped forward, presenting the ring before Trajan.

"Taran Saer. Traitor to Rome, assistor to Boudicca."

He smiled, and finally met Trajan's gaze.

"I love you."

Septimius had the wind knocked out of him when Trajan brought him into a crushing hug.

"I love you as well, Sulayman!" He said, his smile shining like the sun. "You put into words that which I never could!"

Septimius held Trajan in return, fighting back tears.

"I love the way you hammer metal into swords. I love the way you turn each bolt into place. I love the way you breathe after you extract your work from the furnace."

He released his partner, and reached into a pocket he'd sewn into his toga.

"Sulayman Lahlou. Warrior of Teutoburg Forest, munifex of Morocco."

He pulled out the keys to the engine - two matching sets.

"My chariot needs two drivers."

Medical Milfs (Qiu and Sarah)

“Oh, come on, now, hun, you’ll look great.”

“But my chest isn’t big enough for your dresses yet, Sarah! This won’t fit!”

“Trust me, it will,” Sarah nudged her wife into the bathroom to change. “And you’ll look perfect.”

A moment passed. Sarah picked at her nails as she waited.

Qiu stepped out from the bathroom, the bright blue dress a perfect fit.

“What did I tell you?”

“I look wonderful…”

“And do you feel wonderful?”

“…Yes,” Qiu’s cheeks were pink with blush. “Yes, I do.”

Demolition Dumbasses (Javier and Petra)

He brought both his hands to cover his face, one so covered in purpura it was comparable to a cluster of grapes.

"Petra, you know how I feel about that song!!" He strained, somehow flustered amongst the pain in his voice.

"Oh?" They teased him. "How do you feel about it, mi amor?"

"It makes me want to kiss you!!"

Petra laughed in the way only Javier could make them.

"Then let me clean you up, first."

Petra belongs to @bmoshh.

[xxemosceneacidscumxx]

Jeff the killer x FEM! Reader

~A Blinkless Gaze~ 1st half of part 7

(Song: Demolition lovers, MCR)

The next day I woke up around noon, aching, I slowly got up, and went downstairs to see both my mom and john tied up in the dining room. I looked around. The only culprit I could think of was Jeff. "You gotta untie us, we need to call the cops!" Mom said to me. I looked at John. "Yeah that joker looking emo freak did. This to us." Mom looked at him with a warning look. "Listed you NEED to go to the neighbors and call the cops!" I went up to the bathroom and did my business. Then I heard screaming downstairs. "HUH? YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THAT YOU UGLY FAT STINKY PIECE OF SHIT." I heard Jeff say. Probably hollering at John. I went down to watch. "LISTEN HERE- Jeff cut off john by punching him so hard that the chair fell. "Shut the fuck up, dumbass." Jeff growled. "And you," Jeff said turning his attention to my mom. "Every second you spend with this asshole, you're putting my WIFE in danger." He said very angrily. I was watching from upstairs. "And you, John was it? You're gonna go to sleep, TODAY." He said sounding all crazy. Suddenly Jeff picked up the chair and sat it upright. "I'm gonna kill you, so slow that you beg me to finish you off, but I'll make sure to make it last all fucking day." I felt kinda scared, but happy that Jeff was here to sort everything out. Jeff pulled his knife out and began to cut the familiar Chelsea grin into johns face. I went back to my room and blasted the tv, because I didn't want to see or hear that. After about 4 movies I was hungry, and had to use the bathroom so, I went pee, and I slowly walked downstairs to see Jeff stab John in the heart, and my mom gagged, and crying, I went to the fridge and grabbed the pizza rolls and popped them in the microwave. Jeff walked over to me, completely COVERED in blood. My mom was wailing and shaking her head. Jeff held up his knife like he was gonna stab me. I looked up at me confused. He was looking at my mom with a mischievous smirk. He chuckled, and then kissed my lips all slow and sweet like, in a way that melted my brain. Then he got down on his knee, and pulled a woman's finger out of his pocket. I looked at him puzzled. He pulled the ring off of her finger. And held it up it me. "Be mine" he said. I grinned and held out my left hand, and he put the ring on my ring finger, when I noticed something. He had a ring on his finger too. We were just smiling at each other. "So what do you say. Will you come with me?" I was almost bouncing with excitement "yes!" I said super happy. He grinned even more. Let's go. We left the scene, and went into the woods.

SORRY FOR THE CUT UP PIECES BUT ITS TOO LONG 😭

[pearldog30]

Johnny (soap) Mctavish head Cannon

I know, I said this was going to be out a lot sooner. butttt I got distracted so here we are with our soapy boy, and I hope y'all enjoy! As always this is going to be realistic as possible! (Also let me know if you would like to see some NSFW head cannons and I might put those in the works soon 👀)

Other works 👉Master list

Warnings| PTSD, and alcohol.

This is soaps love song cannot convince me otherwise. (Okay I was actually reading a soap fanfic. and this song came on, and I'm like it's perfect. anyways if the thing doesn't work it's I wanna be yours by Arctic monkeys slow)

I am going to start this off by saying. THE SASS THIS MAN HAS. I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THE GIFT HE SCREAMS SASSY! Oh and don't get me started. when he's trying to give attitude. He has the kind of sass that gives a drag queen, a run for their money. I LOVE IT

Contrary to what everybody might think of him, he's actually really fuckin smart. HE'S A SAS DEMOLITION SNIPER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW SMART YOU HAVE TO BE, ESPECIALLY WITH MATH FOR THAT SHIT! So yeah he's not a dumbass to say the least.

BUT! With that being said he's low key oblivious as fuck, when it comes to day to day life. like yeah he may be able to do math perfectly, plan out war plans, be able to tell an enemy in a room within a second, but for the love of God. do not leave this man alone to clean the house without adult supervision. something's bound to end up broken/all disorganized on how you had it, it's going to be a new house when you come back.

He is the definition of doesn't follow instructions. Sooo unless if you want to be spending money on takeout, don't let him cook without your supervision. He cannot cook to save his life. (I said what I said)

This may not come as a surprise at all, but he is observant as fuck. it's the sniper in him, when you have the job he has you have to be always on guard. so a lot like ghost even when you guys are home/go out as civilians, he's always going to be on guard, observing every situation. but this man knows how to cover it up, and make it seem like he's not, it's concerning.

Since he is observant as hell, he notices every. single. little. detail. about yourself. Oh you got new lipstick, he'll be the first to say you look stunning. and to kiss that pretty lip color (he says he's just testing it. But we all know it's an excuse cuz he wants to kiss you) got some new jeans/leggings he'll definitely notice and be staring. So yeah he notices everything. even the stuff you do to the house, when he comes back home from deployment. This man is the definition of photographic memory!

and with the observant topic. if y'all are at a bar. and you're trying to make him jealous. don't, just don't, you're going to lose. this man does not get jealous, if anything he'll take it as a challenge. knowing you're trying to get him jealous, it ends up in you getting jealous. (he's a little shit and it's annoying)

I'm probably going to be the first to say this. and it's going to burst a lot of y'all's bubbles. but he does not, AND I MEAN DOES NOT, HAVE ADHD! (I'm pretty sure if you have ADHD, you actually can't do a lot of the stuff that he does. from what I've been told. so no he does not have it)

And if y'all ever somehow go on a road trip together. He doesn't know how to shut the fuck up. He's either cracking jokes or screaming music (more than likely it's Barbie girl or some other ridiculous song he uses to bother ghost with) bonus points if you join in with him, safe to say it's never a boring car ride with him.

Now when y'all have fights. It doesn't matter how they start, what they are about, what it was. this man always comes back to apologize first. It often has you questioning why, even if you knew you were in the wrong, you still wonder why he's apologizing to you, when you should be apologizing to him. and he'll never let you apologize, almost never!

Since he has this job. he does he struggles a lot with PTSD. Out of all the men he's definitely the most emotional, but not at the same time, it's weird. With his mental health he often bottles everything up, he never had a good experience with talking about it. and in his past either people looked at him like he's some crazy monster, or they just pushed him away. so this often brings him to he either drinks it away, and then forgets about it the next day. or has a complete breakdown.

Now I'm not saying he's an alcoholic, no. but he can't help it, when he comes home and those dark thoughts won't leave, and it goes to dark places. To where he sometimes (a lot of times let's be honest. That was before you came into the picture) turn to alcohol. Mainly it's just to forget about the fact he felt like he let his team down. cuz someone died on a rough mission he had no control over, and it kills him every time. Every time that does happen he wishes it was him.

But if he doesn't, then he'll often just lock himself in his office/shower. he'll silent cry to himself, and have a panic attack, rocking back and forth on the floor/on the shower floor. and you have caught him like that more than once. each time you did, he tried telling you he was okay, ushering you away from him. but you wouldn't budge, you would just hold him and let him cry it out/talk it out if he wanted. you really are his safe place in those situations.

So he often goes through one of those two scenarios, every time he comes home from a mission. and each time you see him like that it takes a little piece away from you, killing you a little, as it does for him. And it does kind of scare him to death that you see him like that. So he worries that you'll leave him, because he is going through such a hard time. so you have to reassure him a lot.

He's actually probably one of the only guys that doesn't really get night terrors/nightmares. Too often, I mean yeah he'll get them every once, in awhile but nowhere near as bad as the rest. he is the definition of heavy sleeper, unless of course he's on the field.

He's also the definition of clingy. You and Alejandro's partner, once had a competition, to see who was more clinger. and soap won that by an inch.

✨Middle child vibes✨ that's all I'm going to say.

Love language. Physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation.

All right that's going to be the it for this. I hope you all enjoyed it! and wherever you are in the world I hope you're having a good day/night reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 🖤

[thereyvan]

Humorous Chapter Titles: A Very Long Compilation

What The Fuck Is A Driver’s License 

In Which We Learn Why Tiny Demons Shouldn’t Drive Cars 

Asses Were Kicked In This One 

Welcome To Cry Time, Bitch 

Well, I Guess That Happened 

Not This Shit Again 

Why Does God Hate Me 

Stop Calling Me A Twink(I’m Straight And Have A Girlfriend) 

He Said That If You Call Him A Catboy One More Time, He’ll Scratch You 

Fuck The Moon 

I Fucked Your Mom And She Liked It 

Alexa, Play Can You Feel My Heart By Bring Me The Horizon 

She’s Cheer Captain And I’ve Been Suffering For A Really Long Time 

The Boys Are Back In Town(And They Brought Some Trauma) 

It Is Wednesday My Dudes 

Fuck You And Your Ugly Christmas Sweater 

Never Gonna Give You Up, Probably Gonna Let You Down 

Dance Dance Till You’re Falling Apart To Halftime 

Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Adult 

Really? Right In Front Of My Crocs? 

That’s Not Even Remotely Reassuring 

Facing God And Moonwalking Into Hell 

Well, When Life Gives You Lemons, (Insert Screaming Here) 

You Can Probably Tell That The Author Failed Chemistry 

Standing On A Pile Of Corpses Whilst Eating An Entire Package Of Peeps 

Shitty Advice From A Dumbass Demon Guy 

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, And Acceptance Of Depression 

Look At All Those Chickens 

Everyone’s Favorite Pedophile 

Sir That’s Our Emotional Support Asshole 

You Give Love A Bad Name 

Externally A Ghost, Internally A Zombie 

The Author Can’t Stop Traumatizing The Protagonist 

Falling Out Of A Tree 

That Wasn’t Supposed To Happen 

Literally Nobody Agreed To This 

When The Fuck Is This Story Going To End 

We Don’t Get Bitches, We Are Bitches 

The Good, The Bad, And The Even Worse 

This Meme Is Dead, But There Isn’t Any Way To Describe This Other Than Ohio Moment 

Oh My God, They Were Roommates 

Devastation Demolition 

Take This Chance Like A Pill 

I Would Literally Rather Be Dead 

Ohana Means Family 

Parkouring Into Purgatory 

You Take That Back 

Where Is Your Turkey God Now 

Rallying For Kinder Eggs 

All Aboard The Fun Train To Party Hell 

God Is Canon And I’m The Author Now 

We Put The “Fun” Into Dysfunction 

My Bed Is A Grave, So Shovel Dirt Onto My Sheets 

The Odd-yssey 

“He’s Well Hung” And I Am Hanging Up 

Orgasm Smile 

I Shot Romance In The Chest 

Who The Hell Ruined My Life(I Did) 

I’m A Loose Bolt Of A Complete Machine 

Stop Ending Every Sentence With Bitch, Bitch 

And Here We Have The Mentally Disturbed 

Professional Conflict Escalator 

Hey Look At This Rock I Found 

Crime’s Only Crime If You Get Caught 

Refuge In A Gay Nightclub 

Neurodivergency Called And Had A Panic Attack(They Hate Talking On The Phone) 

Ending Conversations Before They Start 

You Can’t Stop Me From Not Being Okay 

Suck My Co- Wait You Weren’t Supposed To- Oh… 

No, You Can’t Go Scuba Diving In The Wishing Well 

I Pissed Your Pants 

Dismember Me For Centuries 

Time For Crab 

Men’s Tits, Am I Right? 

[companionwolf]

tonight's delta green recap:

- eepy Jay is eepy (they failed a comp sci roll) and also emulating a shrimp (hunched over to look at the laptop)

- wake up it's day 2 of the fuckening!

- Jacob continues to be a dumbass (affectionate); he's told everyone else about the fish tank now at least

- Jacob mentioned sufganyoit and now I've got the stupid fucking song from YL+E stuck in my brain. ( ~ what's in the middle? strawberry! what's in the middle of your sufganyoit? ~ )

- Jay says ACAB.

- we know what the yellow stuff is now. maybe. at least we have an idea anyway.

- "so it's a fish?" 'no it's not a fish! Jesus, Jacob." <- Jay is so fucking tired, man

- Jay AND Jacob are on record re DNA so. That's a fun little problem for them.

- Jacob's brain is 75% whipped cream 😔 ('what's the other 25%?' haha yeah)

- CURRENT PLAN: ARSON

-

- local dumbass is gonna get the OPSEC talk

- Jacob and Jean are staying at the hotel with the woman; Joy and Jay are going to torch the fucking police station

- Jay and Joy bonding time let's go <3

- Joy and Jay gotta find someone to help with operation torch the station because neither have anything in demolitions [dabs]

- Joy's calling their handler 👀

- meanwhile Jacob is finally taking a closer look at the photos he yanked off the wall in the apartment

- Jacob is having feelings hour with jean aka he talks, they try to reply

- THE FRIENDLY THE HANDLER CONNECTED JAY AND JOY WITH IS JACK FROM EARLIER IM DELIGHTED

- feelings hour continues now ft. the alef bet

-

- and here we have Jacob's system being incredibly fucked up, exhibit a

- ok. it's time for wolves to be. Unconscious. Or at least lie down. bye

[anony-mouse-writer]

Huh you haven’t said anything about the Wither twin in your crew post? Uh is that for another post? Can you tell us about them?

......

im a dumbass. thank you anon.

I added them to the main post, but here's a bit of elaboration:

Fwhip was raised by the twins' mother to take over her flower shop. He didnt mind it, but when the laundromaut next door exploded, he became fascinated with explosions. It was then that he really discovered his natural aptitude for tinkering, but it's actually kind of hard to uproot one's entire life to persue a new career when you don't know the first thing about the field.

Enter Geminitay, reluctant mechanical engineer, hopeful medical student, and his estranged twin! She helped him secure an apprenticeship and taught him what she knew about engineering and he taught her about plants and encouraged her to pursue her goal of becoming a doctor.

When they met Sausage and joined Saints Expeditions, they did so in hopes of getting enough money to pay Gem's tuition and keep Fwhip in redstone supplies for his mildly illegal engineering/demolitions lab behind their flower shop.