#demidorks in peril

[sodamnbored]

Nico: Will, you’ve gotta do something!

Will, shining a light into Jason’s eyes: What happened?

Nico: There was an accident. He’s really messed up.

Jason: Honestly, I feel fine -

Nico: Do you think the damage is permanent?

Will, confused: He seems okay to me?

Nico, shaking his head: No, he’s all confused. Watch.

Nico: Jason, what day is it?

Jason: Tuesday.

Nico, distressed to Will: See?

Will: But…Today is Tuesday.

Nico: But he thinks it’s last Tuesday.

[sodamnbored]

Jason, jumping back aboard: So turns out the Legion wasn’t so thrilled about me teaming up with a bunch of Greeks and their warship.

Leo, going for the controls: Guess we’d better vamoose then.

Jason, anxiously: Can you hurry it up? The Legion are coming with everything they’ve got. Even the War Elephant.

Leo: You’re gonna have to hold them off while I get us mobile.

Jason, when the projectiles start flying: How am I meant to do that?!

Leo, harried: Bribe them. Blackmail them. Seduce them! - Have I taught you nothing??

[sodamnbored]

In the Underworld Post PJO, Pre HoO:

Hazel: Hey newbie. What’re you in for?

Luke, flatly: The gods hate me.

Hazel: Ah, I feel that. What’d you do?

Luke, innocently: Well, like every kid, I dreamed of world domination.

Hazel: *nodding supportively*

Luke: But they really crack down on you when you act on it.

[sodamnbored]

Jason, gently: Hey pal, what’s up? You were real quiet in that last monster attack.

Nico: Jason, you were passed out the whole time.

Jason, chuckling and patting his shoulder: Now look. I may not be “coherent”, or “conscious” all the time, but I know when my little buddy’s upset about something.

[sodamnbored]

Arguing about the death prophecy again:

Jason, finally: No arguing. This time - it’s gonna be me.

Leo, rolling his eyes: Okay, okay. You don’t need to get all NSYNC about it.

[sodamnbored]

Jason: Alright, ready to power through this paperwork?

Reyna: Sorry, I have to run. Got a doctors appointment.

Jason, concerned: Oh no. What’s wrong with you?

Reyna: Nothing. It’s just my annual checkup.

Reyna, on second thought: When did you last have one of those?

Jason: Never. I have never been to the doctor.

Reyna: Well that can’t be smart.

Jason, shrugging: Pssh. I am the picture of health.

Jason, grimacing: *every bone in his body popping as he stands up*

[sodamnbored]

Jason: Okay, looks like we’re stuck out here in the woods for a while. Nobody knows we’re here and there’s no sign of any civilisation around for miles.

Leo: Right. If we’re going to survive until the others can rescue us, we’d better start making camp.

Nico: I’m starving. Anybody else hungry yet?

Leo: I could eat.

Nico, calmly: I suggest we eat Leo.

Leo, mildly affronted: Good gods, Nico.

Nico, reassuringly: Oh not all of you, that would be unkind.

Leo: Alright. I’ll make a fire.

Jason: Guys. It hasn’t even been an HOUR.

Nico, pulling out his sword: You have to allow cooking time. I’m thinking a slow roast.

Leo snorting, offering a leg: We’re not savages, Jason.

[sodamnbored]

Jason, shrieking after a jellyfish stung his face while snorkelling: It got me! It got me! Argh, it burns!

Leo, hovering anxiously: What do I do to help?

Jason: I need you to pee on my face.

Leo: What??

Jason, urgently: You need to pee on my face!

Leo: I can’t.

Jason, insistently: It’ll sterilise the wound.

Leo: I can not pee on your face, man.

Jason, betrayed: I thought you were with me to the end!

Leo, innocently: I just peed in the ocean, so I’m all out.

Percy, horrified: You peed in the ocean?! Disgusting!

Leo: Okay, okay. I know this is a dumb question, but. Will a number two help?

Percy: What?

Jason, whining and clutching his face: This is why Romans don’t go in the sea!

[sodamnbored]

As all hell is breaking loose and causing chaos:

Leo: Meteors are shooting stars. We shouldn’t be running, we should be making wishes.

Leo, excitedly: I wish I had a dragon!

Jason, grabbing him: And I wish you’d take cover.

[sodamnbored]

Tense moment of suspense on a quest:

Leo, listening to the whispering sounds: What’s that sound…?

Jason, dramatically: It’s the winds. They’re speaking to us.

Leo, enthralled: What’re they saying?

Jason, still dramatically: I don’t know. I don’t speak wind.

[sodamnbored]

When things go wrong on a quest:

Frank, anxious: Oh we are so fucked. Do you hear sirens? I hear sirens.

Leo: Yeah. Mortals, man. They’ve always got the cops on speed dial.

Frank: You’ve been to prison right?

Leo: Well, the wilderness school wasn’t exactly prison, but sure. I know the general idea.

Frank: So how do you think a guy like me would do in prison?

Leo, appraisingly: Baby face. Kind eyes. Soft skin. Cute tummy.

Leo, solemnly: You’d be very popular.

Frank, relaxing: Oh. That’s good.

Leo: No, that’s very bad.

[sodamnbored]

Did they ever actually specify who named Jason in any of the books? I can’t remember, but I thought it was just a sort of vague mention of why he was named Jason, as opposed to a concrete “Dad named you because / Mom named you because” kind of explanation?

So now I’m thinking, wouldn’t it be super cute and bolster the only ever implied sibling bonding if it was Thalia that had chosen his name?

Like, loads of older siblings get the opportunity to weigh in on picking baby names for younger siblings anyway. And if we can presume that Thalia had a similar situation to Annabeth in that her mortal parent was fully aware of their godly hookup and was very open about that with their kid and Beryl told Thalia lots of stories about the mythology, or like Piper she got interested in the stories and dug around on her own.

Then Thalia is like, what, seven or so years older than Jason? Totally old enough to have ideas and comprehend at least simple story ideas, but still young enough to work off the easy little kid logic to solve problems.

So she’d have been old enough to notice Beryl beginning to get anxious, beginning to get a little paranoid. She’d hear her mom talking about them being in danger, especially her baby brother to be, and all because Juno was mad at her brother before he’d even arrived.

And she could be reading stories and suddenly the answer presents itself and it’s so simple. And she asks to call the baby Jason because Juno liked and protected the original Jason from the Argonauts story. Therefore little kid logic demands that Juno likes Jason, so if they make her brother Jason, Juno won’t be mad at him anymore when he arrives and will like him too. Problem solved.

It would’ve been the very first time she ever protected her baby brother and she probably didn’t even know how much it had protected him from an angry god. And he hadn’t even been born yet.

[sodamnbored]

Percy: Ow. Got a splinter.

Mr D: Yeah, yeah. Tell it to child services.

[sodamnbored]

Guys guys guys - Probably baby Jason Grace (but also maybe funnier if it’s full grown) not wanting to take baths and when people try to dump him in the tub and force him, he just. Gets all shocky. Like they dumped a toaster in the water.

Is that anything?

[sodamnbored]

Triptolemus: *turns Nico into a corn plant*

Frank, annoyed: Why did you do that? I had something I needed to tell him.

Triptolemus, shrugging: Go ahead. He’s all ears.

[sodamnbored]

Frank, being field promoted: Are you crazy? I can’t lead!

Jason: Yes - you can. You’re just like me, so I know you’ve got what it takes.

Frank: I do?

Jason, kindly: Your friends look to you as a leader because you’re a little bit taller than them. You just have to own it.

Frank nodding, determined: With above average height comes above average responsibility.