#deleting replies that say I’m being annoyed for fun

[helmet-hairs]

I’m pretty annoyed at Lando saying race wins have changed. This coming after he had a less than desirable race in Baku. He’s won two races, and Oscar has just won his second.

It’s certainly not how fans see it. The team on Oscars side of the garage may agree.

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

After handing our shoes over to the teenager at the counter and replacing them with the generic and ill-fitting bowling shoes, trying not to think too hard about how many random strangers have worn them before us, we make our way over to where Ash and Lex have already reserved a lane, bickering about how to enter our names into the machine.

Just as we’re sitting down, Lex leans over and bites Ash on the arm. “Ow!” He pulls away from her and rubs at the spot where she sank her teeth in, “Competition makes you so mean.”

“You being a dick makes me mean. Now delete it and walk away.”

I look up just in time to see the U and S disappear from the end of her name and chuckle under my breath. Even I know better than to use her full name under any circumstances lest I lose a limb.

Laughing, Ash hops out of the seat and walks over to us, lifting his sleeve to reveal teeth marks. “Can you believe this?”

“Yeah,” I say, “what did you think was going to happen?”

“I didn’t think she’d bite me,” he pulls his sleeve back down and turns to Dawn with a cheerful smile and says, “Hello,” giving her the opportunity she’s been itching for since I first told her about him.

“Hi! I’m Dawn.”

“Ahh, the twin! I’m Asher. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.” She looks over to give me the “he’s cute” look which I do my best to ignore.

Ash plops onto the seat next to her and leans in to speak quietly, “So, this is probably an annoying question, but do you guys have any secret twin powers?”

“Of course,” she replies and then looks around to ensure no one is eavesdropping, “Telepathy. We can read each other’s minds.”

“Fascinating. What’s he thinking now?”

She looks over at me and squints her eyes. I’m suddenly worried about what she might say to him. As far as she knows, Ash is just a friend from work that I have a crush on and maybe had some weird dreams about. I give her a slight shake of my head and mouth the word, “Don’t.”

She turns back to Ash and says, “He wants me to keep my mouth shut. He’s afraid I’m going to say something to embarrass him.”

“Are you?”

“Probably.”

“Oh, this is going to be fun. I like you. Do you want to team up?”

“Absolutely.”

Fantastic.

I deflate a little at being teamed up with Lex. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lex, but I think a part of me just assumed I’d be with Ash. Seems like a silly assumption now that I think about it, but I’m disappointed, nonetheless.

As Lex takes her turn, Ash and Dawn continue to chat about me as if I’m not sitting right next to them, making me feel more anxious and awkward by the second.

“So, Atlas tells me you’re an artist.”

He glances at me, then back at Dawn with a sly smile, “He can’t stop talking about me, can he?”

“Not for a second. He’s obsessed.” She’s all too happy to play along, probably assuming Ash is fishing for confirmation that I like him or something. She has a tendency to meddle, always thinking I need help when it comes to dating when in reality, I just move at a different pace than she does.

“It’s sad really,” he tells her, “He needs to move on.” He gets up to take his turn as Lex cheers and skips over to me. I look up to see that she got a spare and am about to congratulate her when Ash looks at me and mutters, “We’re just friends, after all,” before he turns to walk away.

My smile falters as the sting of his words rushes through me. I clamp my jaw down, grinding my teeth and feeling foolish. How did I think for one second that changing our environment would somehow ease the tension between us?

I watch as he steps up to the lane, holding the ball in front of him with intense focus before stepping forward and tossing it toward the pins with perfect form, because of course he does. It spins down the lane with such force and precision that every one of the pins crashes down on impact, earning him a strike. He turns to us with bow as Dawn cheers and Lex yells out, “Fuck!”

I had no doubt I’d be the worst bowler out of all of us, but I didn’t expect everyone else to actually be good. I start to feel self-conscious about going up and taking my turn.

I suddenly see the whole night play out in front of me: the tension and passive-aggressive comments from Ash reminding me what an asshole I am, Lex getting frustrated at my lack of skill and being the reason we lose the game, and Dawn being so charmed by Ash that she’s completely oblivious to my misery while she tells him how he gives me butterflies and invades my dreams, only making the tension between us worse, and I wish we’d never come here at all.

“Don’t worry,” Lex pats my knee, “he got lucky. You got this.”

No, I don’t. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this. But I don’t want to be dramatic about it by storming off. I have no choice but to suck it up and get through the night, so I might as well attempt to have fun.

I take a breath and stand to take my turn, picking up the ball and trying my best to focus on the weight of it in my hand to keep my increasingly dark thoughts at bay.

I step forward and toss the ball down the lane sloppily, surprised that it doesn’t slide immediately into the gutter. Instead, it skims the edge and takes out a single pin on the far corner before disappearing.

Normally, I’d make a joke about it, getting overly excited about my one pin, but I can’t bring myself to do that now. It would feel stupid and awkward and forced. I just want to slump back down in my seat and disappear into the background, but I can’t. I have to stand here in front of all of them, waiting for my ball to return so I can throw it one more time, hoping it goes slightly better than the last.

Lex calls me over and I apologize immediately, “I told you I was a terrible bowler.”

She shakes her head, “Nonsense. We will not lose this game, understand?”

“I don’t—”

“Just listen. The problem is, you’re too stiff. You just need to loosen up a little, relax your grip, and make sure not to swing your arm in front of you. You’ve gotta keep it straight.”

“Lex, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything straight in my whole life.”

She snickers and swats at me playfully, “Alright then, at least angle your body a little to compensate.”

“I’ll give it a try.” Her cheeriness and optimism make me feel a little better. I still don’t know why she’s being nice to me after what I did, but I’m grateful for it. I’m realizing that she’s become one of my closest friends over the last few years, and it would be devastating to lose her.

I toss the ball with more intention this time, keeping Lex’s advice in mind. At first, it looks like a nice roll, but in the end, it lands in the gutter, taking the last shred of my self-confidence with it, and leaving my remaining nine pins standing. At least now I can go sit down.

Dawn gives me a smile as she walks by me to take her turn, “You just need to warm up a bit, that’s all.” Right. That’s what I need.

I sink into my seat, staring at my hands when I see Ash out of the corner of my eye scooting closer to me. “I hate when that happens,” he says, “Heading right down the lane, you think you know exactly where it’s going and then, boom, takes a turn and lands in the gutter. Hurts, doesn’t it?’

I look over at him, at his eyes, uninviting and devoid of their usual brightness, and I wonder if this is how things are going to be between us now; I wonder if keeping our friendship intact was as foolish an idea as coming out here tonight. All I can muster is a quiet, “Yeah.” Then, I stand and turn to Lex, telling her, “I’m going to get some air,” and I escape to the nearest exit.

Prev // Next

[milkywayhou]

YOU'VE GOT EMAIL (König X OC: Medical Student!Snow) PART I

Summary: When the Colonel from some Private Military Corporation group accidentally send KorTac's secret file via email to a random civilian girl.

or

König send wrong email to a wrong person

TWs: A lot curse words (from Snow), both of them being passive-aggressive, slow burn (kinda). I just wrote this for fun

Words Count: 3k (That's a lot for an email lol)

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

02/28/23 at 03:42 pm

Subject: KorTac Tactical Operations File E12345 Classification: Top Secret

Lieutenant,

Apologies for the inappropriate transmission. As head of KorTac Special Forces, securing sensitive documents is of utmost priority. Please confirm deletion of the attached file and we’ll consider the matter closed.

While I understand your confusion receiving such a file unsolicited, KorTac business must remain confidential. I trust a responsible professional such as yourself understands the necessity of discretion in such matters. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if any other issues arise.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

02/28/23 at 07:12 pm

Subject: RE: Creepy email

Excuse me,

I have no idea what you’re talking about. All I know is I got some weird files from “KorTac Tactical” that I definitely did NOT ask for. Do you know how scary it is to get secret military documents out of nowhere? I thought it was one of my friends pranking me at first.

Instead of lecturing me about deleting things, maybe you should be more careful who you send your “top secret” info to. I’m just trying to study neurology over here, not get dragged into some clandestine Special Forces stuff.

Lighten up a little, yeah? It was an honest mistake I’m sure. No harm done.

Snow

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

02/28/23 at 08:02 pm

Subject: RE: RE: Creepy email

Ms. Farron,

I can assure you there was no “creepy email” or files sent from this office. As Commander of one of the world’s premier private military factions, securing classified intel is of utmost priority. If some file was erroneously transmitted to your address in error, it did not originate from my users.

While I understand the desire to shrug off mistakenly received sensitive documents, national security does not warrant such lackadaisical treatment. If you have relevant data in your possession, basic courtesy requires replying to the original correspondent – in this case, myself – to ascertain the source of error.

Do let me know if you retrieve any files in question. And in future, a bit more discretion and less indignation may serve you well when inadvertently encountering restricted information networks. Consider this a learning experience.

Regards,

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

02/28/23 at 08:22 pm

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Creepy email

Hi Colonel Tightpants,

Thank you for the condescending lecture. As I’ve said THREE times now, I never got any files from you or KorTac or wherever before. All I know is I woke up to an ominous email saying “Top Secret KorTac files” or something. Pretty annoying/alarming for a simple student!

And excuse me for not dropping everything to thoroughly investigate a mistake that wasn’t even mine. Some of us have actual classes to study for, not play secret agent all day.

If you’re so worried about security breaches, maybe focus on your end instead of harassing innocent people via multiple snobby emails. I’ve got better things to do than argue in circles with Mr. High-and-Mighty.

Please remove me from your contact list going forward. And do try to lighten up a little!

Regards,

Snow

P.S. The file is attached. I called it “Creepy Email From Creepy Colonel” for your convenience. Have fun decrypting your own mystery ;)

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

02/28/23 at 09:42 pm

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Creepy email

Ms. Farron,

I will not be spoken to in such a disrespectful and unprofessional manner. While your frustrations are understandable, maintaining proper decorum and respect for sensitive operational matters is not an optional courtesy – it is imperative.

You’re accusations of “harassment” are as unfounded as they are insulting. Do not mistake my patience and courtesy thus far for weakness. Should any real documents surface from my network in error, I expect their immediate return without petulant games or sass.

As a private military organization operating across the globe, security is no light concern for this command. If unable to grasp even the basic responsibility of confirming received documents' origins for the sake of national safety, perhaps the world of intelligence is beyond your current realm of comprehension.

Consider this your final warning. Any further unsubstantiated claims or uncooperative behavior will be met with the full weight of legal action and your academic institution will be notified accordingly. Is that absolutely clear, Ms. Farron?

Reply confirming so or cease contact immediately. I will not tolerate insubordination, especially from an civilian amateur dabbling where she has no clearance. Maintain discretion as instructed or suffer consequences – the choice is yours.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/01/23 at 09:29 am

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Creepy Email

Colonel High-Horse,

Spare me your thinly veiled threats. If you’re so sure I have hide some Top Secret Files™, by all means come search my dorm room yourself since you clearly don’t believe a word I say. Oh wait, you can’t – because there’s NOTHING.

Maybe take a break from power tripping over email and try listening to the person who’s actually involved for once. Not my fault if your big bad security systems have holes. But I guess acknowledging mistakes isn’t very military, is it?

You wanna see uncooperative and petulant? Keep harassing me and I’ll forward our whole conversation to the national news. Something tells me they’d love to hear how easily “the world’s premier private military” loses confidential files.

So for the last time – I did NOT receive ANY files from you or KorTac aside the one you accidentally send. If you’re incapable of comprehending that, then you’re dumber than you look. Consider THIS your final warning to lay off before I take action, Colonel Tightass.

Snow

Formerly Civilian, Currently Pissed Off

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/01/23 at 08:55 am

Subject: Enough

Ms. Farron,

Your insubordination has crossed several lines. While I sought to resolve this discreetly, you force my hand with threats and insults. Know that I do not respond kindly to such provocation.

If you insist upon escalating this beyond reason, so be it. However, tread carefully – you are ignorant of forces beyond your control. Dare to sully KorTac’s name to fuel your petulance, and all your academic and personal records will undergo… thorough review.

Accidents happen, as you claim. But any damage to our operations will not be taken lightly, no matter your perceived innocence. Heed my words well, girl – you do not wish to become an enemy of this command.

Consider this last attempt at civil discourse. Cease contact and let this die, or suffer consequences you cannot imagine. The choice, as before, remains yours.

I expect no further correspondence. You are now on formal notice – proceed at your own peril.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/01/23 at 11:38 pm

Subject: Go to Hell

You want a fight, you’ll get one you pompous prick. Your “command” and threats mean nothing to me.

If anything happens to my academic career or personal life, the world will know exactly who’s responsible. I don’t care how elite you think you are.

Bring whatever you’ve got – I’m not afraid of some borderline psychotic and his glorified gun club. You want a target? Consider it painted on your back from now on.

Have fun trying to intimidate me, ASSHOLE. You just made the worst enemy of your pathetic life.

Goodbye forever. Don’t bother responding – you’re officially dead to me.

Snow Farron

Future Doctor, Current Pain in Your Ass

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/02/23 at 01:29 am

Subject: So Be It

Foolish girl. You have no concept of the forces you now contend with. Consider carefully the hole you’ve dug, for there will be no mercy if you proceed.

However, my integrity will not permit baseless threats against civilians. If you agree to cease hostilities and let this dissolve quietly, no further action will be taken. Your record and life will remain untouched.

The choice is simple – walk away unscathed, or persist in this idiocy and face consequences beyond imagination. Think carefully on your next move, little one. Tread no further, and this can end.

You have one hour for a sensible reply before measures are taken. Make them count.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/03/23 at 02:04 am

Subject: Bite Me

Yeah, I’m real scared of your “forces” and “consequences beyond imagination.” Give me a break.

You think I’m going to bow down to your threats just because you’re some big shot Colonel? Please. I’ve dealt with way scarier than pompous bully babies like you.

So do your worst, tough guy. Come at me with everything you’ve got. I promise it still won’t be enough to make me back down from a pissant fraud like you.

Your “hour” can go fuck itself. You want to end this? Then stay the hell away from me and leave me alone forever. Otherwise this isn’t over by a long shot.

Tick tock, pal. Your time is running out and so is your chance to slink away with your tail between your legs. Better figure out your next move fast!

Not holding my breath for anything “sensible” though. Later, loser!

Snow “Untouchable” Farron

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/05/23 at 11:09 pm

Subject: wassup bitchhhhh

Hey asshooooole its ur girl Snow again!! Had a few dranks w/ friends to forget ur stupid email but the pain remainsss lolll

Jus wanted to let u kno ur still a total dickhead no matter how drunk I get. Probly shouldn’t be emailing u since last time but fuck it YOLO right???

Anyway ur threats meant nothing I had a blast tonight. Try n stop me next time I feel like partying fuck face!!! No1 messes w snow n gets away with it

Also saw some guy who looked like u at the bar what a coincidink lol. Hope he feels as stupid as u in the morn ;))

Hope ur having a shit night missing out on the fun. Don’t reply I prob wont even remember this! Byeeeeeee loser stay mad <33333

Xoxo drunk snow

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/06/23 at 01:50 am

Subject: RE: wassup bitchhhhh

Well well, what have we here. It seems our intrepid Dr. Farron has landed herself in an inebriated state this night.

Can’t say I blame you for seeking alcohol’s comfort after our little disagreement. Dealing with my “stupid emails” and “threats” must have been terribly traumatic. You have my deepest sympathies, truly.

While unwise to conduct militarized business intoxicated, I’ll admit your drunken ramblings provided some mild amusement. The imagery of you partying it up solely to spite me was rather quaint. Do try to stay safe in your revelries, dear – would hate for some unfortunate accident.

As for your daring insinuation about encountering my likeness at a bar, I can assure you my nights are occupied with matters far more pressing than drinking. But I appreciate the laugh, strange as it came from such a belligerent tongue.

Enjoy your hangover, Snow. And sleep well – who knows what mischief tomorrow may bring.

Regards,

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

P.S. Do refrain from over-indulging too often. Wouldn’t want those fine medical skills to dull prematurely, now would we?

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/06/23 at 05:28 am

Subject: RE: RE: wassup bitchhhhh

Yeah yeah, laugh it up. We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk occasionally. At least I have an excuse, unlike you and your constant stick up the ass personality.

That being said, I suppose I owe you an apology for that ridiculous email last night. Not my finest moment, to say the least. But you seem to bring out the worst in me, so.

Consider us even for any “amusement” you got at my expense. I’m suffering enough with this hangover from hell as it is.

Just so we’re clear though – I’m not some damsel for you to patronize or imply threats towards. Keep your smug sarcasm, I don’t need it. We’re done here, got it?

Good. Now fuck off and leave me alone to die in peace, Dickhead von Buzzkill. And next time – lay off the sauce OR lay off me. Your choice, Colonel

Snow “Moderately Sober But Still Pissed” Farron

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/06/23 at 09:33 am

Subject: RE: RE: RE: wassup bitchhhhh

Alright Colonel Buzzkill, I’ll admit my constant insults aren’t getting us anywhere. As much as I hate to inflate that already massive ego of yours, maybe there was a tiny little misunderstanding somewhere along the way.

Med school has been kicking my ass lately and I’ve been on edge. Between the mounting student loans, endless assignments, and stressful exams, I’m about one Red Bull away from a full breakdown. Not that you probably care about such peasant problems.

Anyways, my point is – I may have overreacted a bit to this whole email mixup. Even if it WAS totally not my fault *eyes emoji*. Can’t a girl blow off some steam without the world’s most uptight Colonel threatening her into an early grave?

Lay off with the intimidation tactics already. I said I was sorry for getting drunk and belligerent, more or less. What more do you want, my first born child in sacrifice?

Just, try to lighten up a little if we have to keep interacting for god knows what reason. I’m too exhausted to keep fighting a war on 20 different fronts. Truce?

Overworked and Underpaid,

Snow

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/06/23 at 09:01 pm

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: wassup bitchhhhh

Oh? So the fledgling doctor deigns to admit a modicum of culpability at last. How gracious of her highness to acknowledge her part in this debacle, no matter how begrudgingly.

Though I’ll not deny deriving a certain satisfaction from seeing you squirm, that was never my aim. As Commander of KorTac, security of sensitive data is no laughing matter – a concept you seemed unwilling or unable to grasp at the time.

However, as one engaged in higher pursuits of intellectual rigor and public service, I can understand the pressures that come with such territory. Medical education is a noble yet arduous path, as I’m sure even your addled mind comprehends on occasion.

Very well, Ms. Farron – consider this matter put to rest. A temporary ceasefire it is, for the sake of future global stability if nothing else. But tread not again where you have been warned, or I shall not be so gracious next transgression.

Do try to mind your health and studies in lieu of drunken revelry. Wouldn’t want to lose such a pugnacious spirit to frivolity or misfortune. Now, do run along – no doubt some looming assignment awaits its dissection.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/07/23 at 02:19 am

Subject: Aw, you DO care!

Aww, is that actually concern I detect underneath all the big important Colonel bluster? I’m touched, really. Who knew you had a soft spot for lowly students like me.

Admit it – you just can’t stand the thought of little ol’ me disappearing in some “frivolous misfortune.” You’d miss having me around to aggravate that permanent stick up your butt!

But don’t worry, it’ll take more than a silly paper or two to take me out of commission. Unlike some people, I actually know how to unwind without threatening international incidents *cough cough*.

All jokes aside though, truce accepted on my end too. Maybe now we can move past wanting to strangle each other every time we’re in the same email chain. Small victories, right?

Anyways, gotta get back to the grind. Thanks for not making me regret extending the olive branch…this time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

Your Favorite Almost-Doctor,

Snow

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/07/23 at 08:05 am

Subject: RE: Aw, you DO care!

Cease this incessant jesting at once, fraulein. I neither “care” for you as anything more than a potential security concern, nor possess any jovial qualities to “aggravate.”

A commander's duties require maintaining surveillance of volatile elements wherever they arise. You have thus far proven yourself quite the unpredictable variable, so forgive my reluctance to take eyes fully off the matter.

As for your studies, consider this the only encouragement they shall receive from me. Master your craft with distinction, then mayhaps our paths need not cross again in the future. Though I admit the thought of you disappearing into obscurity does bring its own satisfactions to ponder.

Now then, if you’re quite finished wasting both our time with your misguided attempts at levity, some of us have real work to which attending. Do try and keep yourself from causing further disruptions, medic. You may resume your “grind” in peace.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

--

From: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

To: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

03/07/23 at 12:56 pm

Subject: RE: RE: Aw, you DO care!

Always so grumpy, Colonel Grumpy Pants! Lighten up a little, will ya? Not all of us can be stoic hard asses all the time.

Speaking of asses, mine is practically dragging on the floor from exhaustion. Between classes, labs, studying, and my various part-time jobs, I’m surprised I have any brain cells left at all.

Don’t even get me started on these student loans. At this rate, I’ll be paying them off until I’m 90. Not that you military bigwigs have to worry about pesky things like money, I’m sure. Must be nice.

You know, maybe I should just forget this whole doctor thing and become a sugar baby instead. At least then I could afford to eat once in a while AND maybe some lucky rich person would be willing to pay off my debts. What do you think – interested in an investment opportunity? I promise I come with lots of free sass and jokes at your expense!

Kidding of course…or am I? You’ll never know!

Your favorite broke and tired med student,

Snow

--

From: Colonel_König@KorTac.mil

To: SnowFarron93@medschool.edu

03/07/23 at 03:37 pm

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Aw, you DO care!

One of these days that improperly-filtered mouth of yours will find its owner in hot water she can’t jest her way out of, medic. I’d advise reigning in these fanciful sugar baby musings before they land you in a far less pleasant situation.

However, your frustration with the systemic burdens of medical education is…understandable. The modern model leaves much to be desired in terms of sustainability for both student and society. A dysfunction perpetuated by greed and shortsightedness at the highest levels, as with so many ills in this world.

As for offers of “investment,” I’ve no surplus funds to patronize frivolities. Nor the patience to entertain speculative propositions from volatile girls who can’t keep themselves from inviting more trouble than they bargain for. Focus that restless energy on your studies as discussed, and all should proceed smoothly.

Now then, if there are no further inanities requiring response, I’ve a command to oversee. Best of luck with exams and endeavors, Farron. Dismissed.

Colonel König

KorTac Commanding Officer

I will write the next part later when I have time <3

Also comment love and reblogged are very appreciated! 💖

[velvetkisscs]

Is It Casual Now ? - PSH SMAU

chapter 4: no further dicussions (1.3k)

──౨ৎ｡⋆ 𝓬ontains: cussing, alcohol consumption (drink responsibly) , teasing, more bickering (are we even surprised atp?) likes, reblogs, comments, and feedbacks are appreciated. rude comments will be ignored, reported, and deleted.

with lights blazing, music thumping, and laughter resonating off the walls, the party is in full swing. you find yourself settling in a corner with your group of friends, attempting to unwind following a stressful week.

sipping a cup of beer across the room was sunghoon. his friends had eventually forced him to go, even though he had refused knowing you would be there.

“still can’t keep your eyes off her, huh?” jay teased.

sunghoon rolled his eyes. “i have no idea what you’re talking about”

“he’s not wrong. you’re staring hard” jake added.

sunghoon stands up, “i think you two are out of your heads. i’m gonna get myself something to drink”

coincidentally, you and sunghoon found yourselves heading in the same direction; towards the makeshift bar found on the kitchen island.

“great, it’s you again.” you muttered under your breath. “definitely what i needed.”

“here to ruin my night?” sunghoon shot back, his lips curling into a small smirk, unknowingly.

“only if you insist on standing in my way”, you retorted, giving him a slight shove.

“ladies first,” he said, stepping aside. he watches as you pour yourself a drink. “what is that godawful concoction you’re making?”

leaning towards the counter, you rolled your eyes. “something that will hopefully help me forget this conversation.”

sunghoon scoff, leaning on the counter next to you. “care to make me one too?”

“do i look like your bartender?” you retort.

you watch as sunghoon reach through the assortment of bottles spread across the table. if he wasn’t so distracted by how good you look right now, maybe he would’ve paid attention and remembered the bottles you used. before he could even continue, you swat his hand away, doing it yourself. swiftly mixing different kinds of liquor, you create a replica of what you have in your cup, a red drink.

“not bad,” he admitted

“didn’t know you had a taste for poison” you said sarcastically.

“guess i built up a tolerance after being around you” he said, matching your sarcasm.

“that’s potent stuff,” you warn, leaning closer. you didn’t know if it was gin, tequila or rum but whatever it is, it’s giving you courage to lean this close to him. “wouldn’t want you passing out before the fun starts.”

“oh don’t worry about me,” he replies, matching your closeness. “i’ve handled worse.”

“still nursing your hurt ego i see.” you say, moving away from his face.

with a raised eyebrow, he let out a scoff. “my ego is doing just fine, thanks. how’s your perpetual state of denial?”

“thriving, actually” you shot back, with a grin across your face. “thanks for asking.”

“anything new? besides that ‘hot date’ you had?” sunghoon quipped, making you roll your eyes.

“oh you know, the usual. classes, life, and avoiding exes at parties,” you snapped back, taking your drink up to your lips. “what about you? still trying to figure out how to be less annoying?”

“funny, i was just about to ask you the same thing,” he said, taking a sip of his drink.

clem and sunoo appear out of nowhere.

“YN, SUNGHOON, TWISTER!” sunoo exclaims, gently grabbing your wrist and sunghoon.

“oh i’m not gonna do this,” you protest, but clem is already pushing you towards the mat.

“one game! it’ll be fun! you’re my partner!” clem insists, shooting a look at sunghoon who seems equally hesitant. "please? sunoo and i have been lining up for this game." you find yourself unable to back out due to the peer pressure.

“alright… one round,” stepping onto the mat. sunghoon follows, his eyes scanning the twister mat. the spinner is set and the game begins.

“left hand, blue!” someone shouts. you and clem quickly place your hands on the blue spots, sunghoon and sunoo too. your competitive side flares up immediately.

“right foot, red!” “right hand, yellow!” “left foot, green!” …

the game progresses, and soon you find yourself in awkward and compromising positions. you twist your body to follow the calls. the mat becomes a tangled mess, and you find yourself uncomfortably close to sunghoon.

“left foot, blue!” someone calls out. soon enough, clem and sunoo struggle to keep up, losing balance, leaving you and sunghoon on the mat.

“right hand, green!” as you move, your arm grazes sunghoon’s chest, and you both freeze for a moment, faces dangerously close. you both made eye contact, and you notice a hint of blush creeping up his cheeks.

“you’re blushing” sunghoon points out, a smirk forming on his lips.

“it’s the alcohol,” you snap, breaking eye contact. you know it’s a lie which makes your face feel even hotter than it already was. at this point, you’re sure he can see through your facade.

“mhm, sure it is,” he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

the mat feels even smaller now, every move bringing you closer to him. “left hand, green!” you twist awkwardly, your body crossing over his. your face, mere inches apart from his, you can feel his breath on your skin.

“enjoying yourself?” he teases.

“not with you around.” trying to ignore him.

“right foot, yellow” you both move again. you two are so close to each other, you could see every single fleck of mole on his face.

“you look like you’re about to pass out,” he taunts, eyes flickering with amusement.

“screw you,” you whisper yelled, making your face flush even more.

“you wish,” he quipped.

the proximity is too much, you can practically feel his skin brush against yours. the air is thick with so much tension.

“right hand, blue!”

“if you weren’t such a jerk, this game would’ve been more fun” you mutter

“if you weren’t such a pain in the ass, i’d agree,” he snaps back.

the game continues, each move bringing you closer. you didn’t want to lose against him, and he didn’t want to lose against you. until the inevitable happens. in a tangle of limbs, sunghoon loses his balance. time seems to slow down as he topples forward, making you question yourself if you’re inside a fanfic. (you kinda are...) sunghoon lands on top of you, the weight of his body presses you down, and his face a few centimeters away from yours.

for a moment, everything stops. the whole party around you feels like a blur, the noise fading into the background, and all you can see is him. his eyes search yours, feeling his breath on your lips, so close that one move can leave the two of you exchanging kisses. your breath hitches, and you can see a similar reaction in his eyes. his gaze drops to your cherry wine lips, and you feel a surge of panic and something else– a feel of thrill?

sunghoon’s face flushes deepr, and you’re sure yours mirrors it. “are you seriously blushing right now?” you point out.

“the alcohol must’ve hit me a little late.” sunghoon pats himself on the back even after coming up with a lame excuse.

before you can respond, your brain FINALLY catches up with the whole situation. you’re lying on the floor, at a campus party, with sunghoon– your ex, on top of you. your friends are likely watching the entire scene. you snap back to reality, shoving him away.

“get off,” you manage to say, your voice shaking.

as if coming out of a trance, sunghoon blinks, quickly rolling off you. he stands up and offers a hand to help you up, but you ignore it, standing up just fine on your own. you see the crowd around you exchanging glances, some had their hands covering their mouths, some giggling, but that didn’t bother you. you don’t even know who won the game, not like you could give two shits. all you can focus on is the lingering sensation of his body against yours and the loud thumping of your heart.

clem rushes over, eyes wide with shock. “oh my gosh?”

“let's not...” avoiding eye contact with your best friend.

<<< prev masterlist next >>>

a/n: hey guys i'm back! i'm so sorry for the sudden "hiatus"... enha's comeback and my birthday fell on the same week so i've been busy going out and haven't had the time to update this ff... i will be uploading another chapter before the end of this week so i can be back on track! i hope you guys like this chapter! we are so close to the drama part!

. 𖦹˙— ₊˙♡﹗˚ ༘ ✩࿐࿔

taglist: open

📌: @sunoostripletriple @yoizhrs @leov3rse @heelee-01 @naviiy @ramenoil @mitmit01 @luvrseung @river-demon-slayer @wonwoos-wineparty @sumzysworld @sngleehee @jayhoonvroom @lovebuglissas @tanisha2060

[send a comment/ask! no empty blogs, must be 18+]

[barbswo]

I always suspected that being a writer means dealing with people who will throw rotten tomatoes at your head, because you don’t write how they would want you to write, or because you don’t give into stereotypes, or because you do, and that annoys them. Over the past couple of months I grew accustomed to waking up and reading all different things about my talentless and horrible self.

And that’s not okay, but it is what it is. I can handle criticism even if it comes wrapped in insults and shitty comebacks.

But death threats are a different story, and I hope we all understand that. It’s one thing to be dragged for your art, and a whole another one to read “drop dead” when having breakfast with your grandma. It’s totally unacceptable to continue sending those messages when I reply with a gif to the first one, because I honestly don’t know what you expect me to say.

I am a polite and kind person and I prefer to have fun rather than start some battles with haters, cause those can’t really ever be won. It might’ve been my fault in the first place, cause I decided to reply, encouraging the flow.

But enough is enough guys.

So please. Kindly.

FUCK OFF.

I don’t know why I have to explain these things over and over again—if you don’t like a story you DON’T READ IT. Especially when it didn’t cost you a cent, because fanfiction is bloody FREE.

God, I wish I had your free time, because how can a person read a 420k words-long story while not even liking it and then proceed to go and shit on it not just somewhere over the internet, but in the author’s dms is beyond my level of comprehension. Fuck! Just write what YOU want YOURSELVES and include all those wonderful tropes and plot-twists and smut scenes that I apparently am incapable of delivering and leave. me. be.

I hope pressing the “ask” button to send those things made you feel good. Eat that superiority, giggle and high-five yourself for getting through my skin. I don’t even know how many of you are there, counting that you come shielded with anonymous masks, and it’s unsettling.

You did manage to hurt me, congratulations. Don’t tell me if the celebratory cake tastes good. I don’t want to know.

Just one question though—what do you expect to happen? That I will rewrite the entire thing? Start hating it and delete it? Delete this account? Forbid anons to ask me questions? Well, here’s a newsflash: I won’t do it. I perfectly get that some readers prefer to keep their nicknames a secret when asking their questions, counting how toxic this fandom is proving to be. And no matter how much shit you pour into my inbox, I won’t stop loving what I do.

It might be impossible to handle, I know. How dare she be proud of her work? How dare she not ‘drop dead’? Grrr, let’s think of another thing to insult...

So just. Stop. I won’t entertain you anymore. As soon as I see curses and insult and threats I’m sending you to the bin. (Unless I decide to make fun of you if you reach another level of stupid, so approach with caution)

Being kind is free. So is being polite.

But being a bitch is free as well, so yet again.

Live, laugh.

FUCK OFF.

[fluffytriceratops]

roleplay info. <3 [looking for more rp partners]

making a quick and temporary rp post until the other one i'm working on is ready.

bcuz i lost most of my rps due to quotev being a twat, i decided to start rping more on here. so i wanted to make a post so other rpers can reach out to me.

below will be my rules/requirments as well as a list of fandoms. please follow them all if you wish to rp with me. and if you're interested in rping, feel free to comment or message me.

ROLEPLAY RULES:

- descriptive/story/literate rp only. i'm not interested in rping script/text. 

- i only do double up rps. I’m not interested in just rping the canon character or original character for your rp. I don’t enjoy it and I want to actually be apart of it. rather than just play the love interest to your character.

- oc x oc or oc x cannon mainly. for my side. i usually only do oc x cannon esp if we're doing a fandom rp. obviously i would do oc x oc for an og rp. but if you'd rather do oc x oc, cannon x cannon for your side i'm fine with that. 

- it's very rare for me to do friendship based (platonic) rps, as i would like my side to be romantic. but if you want your side to be platonic, i can do that. 

- please try to copy my reply length to the best of your abilities. i need at least a paragraph or two. 

  - you play my love interest, i play yours.

  - i will not accept mary/gary sues. if i believe your oc is a mary/gary sue i will let you know. i do not mean to offend, i just find them annoying and wont enjoy the rp if your oc is like this.

  - with that being said, please don't make the whole rp about your character/oc.

  - no god modding. your oc/character cannot be the best at everything, give them flaws.

  - no adult x child. pedophilia. child porn. etc.

  - no love shapes. (threesomes, etc. i may or may not accept love triangles (just with crushing) depending on the characters and my mood).

- no incest.

  - no vore.

  - no bestiality.

  - no male pregnancies. 

  - no rape.

  - don't just play your oc and that's it. play more than one character. it's more fun this way.

- do not play my ocs.

  - do not spam me. message/spam me after a week of no reply.

  - be realistic. play the cannon characters properly. don't make them do something they wouldn't normally do. don't heal an injury right away. don't make someone pregnant right after having sex. etc.

  - use proper grammar and punctuation to the best of your abilities.

  - do not delete the rp without asking me first.

  - don't just stop replying, if you are done with the rp, let me know first.

  - don't time skip without asking me first.

  - don't make the whole entire rp sexual.

-my side will be bxg/fxm (girl x boy) but if you want your side to be something else (gxg, bxb, etc) than i am more than okay with doing that for you. as long as you're okay with doing bxg for me.

  - smut, cuss, and gore are all okay with me. but we can keep one or all of these out if you'd prefer. (i will not rp smut/nsfw with minors) 

-on that note, i will only rp with those of legal age. 18+.

- do not steal my forms or my characters.

  - do not write in the first person point of view. i will only accept third person pov.

  - if you have any ideas for the rp, let me know! don't be afraid to ask me anything.

  - don't hold your oc back, you know them better than i do. go nuts if that's how your character is.

that is all for now! thanks for reading through my rules, i know there are a lot, lol! :P to let me know that you have read my rules, please comment 'rat' or 'read' below! thank you!

FANDOMS:

[key] ✦✦✦✦ = very interested in. ✦✦✦✧ = still interested, just not as much. ✦✦✧✧ = don't really want to, but might if you convince me. 50/50. ✧✧✧✧ = not interested atm, very low chance i will say yes. updated frequently.

[animes] my hero academia - bnha/mha ✦✦✦✦ attack on titan ✦✦✧✧ ouran high school host club ✦✦✦✦ dragon pilot: hisone and masotan ✦✦✧✧ aico incarnation ✦✦✧✧ haikyuu ✦✦✦✦ demon slayer ✦✦✦✦ kiss him not me ✦✦✧✧ diabolik lovers ✦✦✧✧ kuro mukuro ✧✧✧✧ fairy tail ✦✦✦✧

[cartoon tv series] how to train your dragon - race to the edge ✦✦✦✧ she-ra and the princesses of power ✦✦✧✧ miraculous: tales of ladybug and chat noir ✦✦✦✧ avatar: the last airbender ✦✦✦✦ the legend of korra ✦✦✦✧ gravity falls ✦✦✦✦ star vs the forces of evil ✦✦✧✧ 3below tales of arcadia ✦✦✦✧ lego ninjago ✦✦✦✦ young justice ✦✦✦✧ voltron: legendary defender ✦✦✧✧ teen titans ✦✦✦✧ transformers prime ✦✦✦✦ transformers robots in disguise ✦✦✧✧ teenage mutant ninja turtles [2003, 2012,] ✦✦✦✦ ultimate spider man ✦✦✧✧ hazbin hotel ✦✦✦✦ helluva boss ✦✦✦✦

[live action tv series] greys anatomy ✦✦✦✧ gossip girl ✦✦✦✧ teen wolf ✧✧✧✧ the mandalorian ✦✦✧✧

the last of us ✦✦✦✧

outer banks ✦✦✦✧

shadowhunters mortal instruments ✦✦✦✧

game of thrones ✦✦✦✧

house of the dragon ✦✦✦✦

[movies] how to train your dragon ✦✦✦✧ spider-man into the spider verse ✦✦✦✦ transformers [bayverse, 1986 cartoon, bumblebee] ✦✦✦✧ teenage mutant ninja turtles [2007, 2014, 2016,] ✦✦✦✦ narnia [all] ✦✦✧✧ the maze runner ✦✦✧✧ the hunger games ✦✦✧✧ hellboy [the first two/older ones] ✦✦✧✧ the avengers [all] ✦✦✧✧ spiderman [all] ✦✦✦✧ xmen [all] ✦✦✧✧ suicide squad ✦✦✧✧ twilight ✦✦✦✧ star wars ✦✦✧✧ the lord of the rings ✦✦✦✦ the hobbit ✦✦✦✦ avatar & the way of water ✦✦✦✦ percy jackson ✦✦✧✧

warcraft ✦✦✦✧

pirates of the caribbean ✦✦✦✧

[video games] the last of us ✦✦✦✧ skyrim ✦✦✧✧ identity v ✦✦✧✧ mystic messenger ✦✦✧✧ genshin impact ✦✦✦✧ five nights at freddys (all) ✦✦✦✦

hogwarts legacy ✦✦✦✦ 

[books] a court of thorns and roses series ✦✦✧✧ [+ more]

if you wish to do a og rp with me, just let me know and we can go over the details. tho i will admit that i am mostly interested in fandom rps and it really depends on the storyline of the og and if i am in the mood for it.

PLATFORMS:

i am mostly interested in rping on here (tumblr) but there are a few other sites/apps/platforms that i am willing to rp on if you really don't want to rp on tumblr.

-wattpad

-instagram

-discord

-quotev (if it ever stops being a rat, as of now i cannot rp on that site)

-google docs (have never done this before but am open to trying it)

-i'm pretty open to trying new places, so if there's a site/platform not on here that you like, feel free to let me know about it and i may be willing to give it a go!

-and ofc tumblr

EXTRA IMPORTANT INFO:

when i say rping on tumblr i mean in messages. i will not rp on the feed or in the comments.

if you do not want to include certain nsfw topics, that is more than okay, smut is not a need for me. neither is gore, violence, etc. just let me know beforehand.

please tell me your triggers and rules before we start. if you have any.

also please tell me your pronouns before we start, if you're comfy with sharing. ^^

that is all for now. i may add to this later but i really don't know what else to write lol. 

if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to let me know. 

[olderthannetfic]

I’m an artist in fandom and I’m popular. I like to talk about fandom stuff but I’m shy and don’t want things connected to my username because harassment follows opinion sharing. So I send asks anonymously. The reactions I get on anon vs my username make me sad. As an artist people want me to draw their blorbos. I get it! I love doing it for them! When I want to. But people want free art so they buddy buddy or even sometimes lovebomby with artists in hopes we draw for them. On anon I am often just straight up belittled or lectured by the same people.

I sent an anon to a moot to discuss an aspect of canon they had made a post about, and they said could see where I was coming from but then explained how they saw it and I was like okay yeah that’s fair and sent a reply on anon again to continue the conversation but then the moot made an angry post saying yeah we just don’t agree and didn’t even publish my ask because I guess they thought I was trying to be “right”? I literally just said how I viewed something and elucidated amicably I thought we were having a fun fandom conversation about our own takes on a premise but to this moot who is usually very VERY nice to me I was just an annoying ask with no social currency. It really stings.

Anyway I started to notice this being a thing. People pretending their asks are deleted so they don’t have to show responses to their followers if they want to look ‘in the right’. I now no longer believe anyone saying they deleted an ask on accident lol. Feels like ‘too long didn’t read, I’m the main character so stop trying to show me up’ to me now.

Thanks for the space to express this btw. Sometimes you just need a good vent lol. Hope you’re doing well.

--

People do tend to read messages from people they like in a more charitable way, but yeah.

[sesamestreep]

hi hello I'm here to ask about "write a loving letter" and "mystery door no. 4"

how dare you make me format TWO excerpts??

“write a loving letter boy” should maybe not be on here because it’s not exactly an active WIP because I’ve fully forgotten the actual plot I had in mind for it, but I love the draft title so much I can’t delete it (see below if the reference eludes you). The basic idea was yet another daredevil college au (what can I say, I have a Type) but in this case it’s…like a Cyrano de Bergerac AU?? where Foggy ends up helping one of their classmates woo Matt because he “knows him so well” and ends up discovering his own feelings for Matt that way?? I watched an episode of Bones that was obviously a Cyrano pastiche but they refused to acknowledge it and it made me so annoyed, I had to write this AU instead. Also thought I was very clever for thinking of a queer Cyrano retelling and then remembered “The Half of It” exists. Whoops.

Here’s the only scene I have, which is Foggy talking to the girl who wants to date Matt, who ended up just being the most fun OC to write:

“I was going to ask you something, actually,” Willa says, in that precise way of hers. Foggy likes her, based on the few conversations they’ve had, but he imagines she makes a lot of people their age feel a little frivolous, just based on her general energy. Foggy already knows he’s pretty frivolous, as a person, so he doesn’t take it too personally, which probably helps. “Sure. Shoot. Go ahead.” “You’re really good friends with Matt, right?” “We’re roommates, yeah,” Foggy replies, as he brings his drink to his mouth. “Right. I know,” Willa says, frowning. “But like…you’re friends too?” “Of course.” “I’m not friends with my roommate,” she supplies, explaining her clarification without actually explaining it.  “Oh, sure,” Foggy says. He likes the way Willa’s brain works, he’s just remembering. It’s like he can see the gears moving inside of it. It’s kind of fun. “Yes, Matt and I are friends as well as roommates. Why do you ask?”

title reference for page break reasons

“mystery door no. 4” is actually not fanfic, it’s an original novel I’m kind of working on (I am working on it, I just have no real vision for what I’ll do with any of it should I actually finish it, is what that sentence means, ftr). It’s based on an old idea I did for the made up movies meme on here years ago and I’ve been mostly handwriting it as an excuse not to look at screens during the spring/summer when I’m a lot more headache prone. I went through a period of about 2-3 months where I hated every fic idea I started and was just miserable about writing in general and decided to try writing some original fiction, which is not something I’ve done since I was like 12 (a long time but redacted amount of years ago) and it’s been very fun so far though I’m keeping my expectations low.

here is an excerpt, featuring my new OCs who I’m sure I’ll start tagging in stuff soon as the next step in my full descent to madness:

“Again with these words!” Aleks groaned. “Didn’t you just wake up?” “Not just.” “Still. ‘Puerile’? I couldn’t use that in a sentence correctly with three cups of coffee in me!” “Was that a hint?” “Hmmm?” “Do you want coffee? Were you asking me to make us some coffee?” “Are you part sheep dog or something?” Aleks asked. “Will you go crazy if I don’t give you something to do?” “Maybe,” Eugene admitted reluctantly.

[asterkiss]

Keykeeper Deleted Scenes:

Since we're coming to the end of this story, I figured I'd post a handful of alternate/deleted scene from early drafts that I managed to keep hold of. It's mostly Bill and Mabel bickering/flirting in their own way. #4 is pretty fun though :3c

#1 Old draft from Chp 13

The demon was staring at his own reflection with a perturbed look and curl of the lip, a hand touching the side of his face. His gaze in the mirror shifted onto her. She blinked. ‘What?’

‘You humans are ugly.’

‘Gee, thanks.’

‘It's true. You’re a collection of flesh held together in a weird shape, powered by a slab of meat in your brain sending off electric currents.’

‘...I mean, I guess that’s kinda true?’

He dropped his hand, scowling at his own reflection once again before he turned to regard her. She was suddenly aware how close they were, wishing she hadn’t stood next to him. He seemed to only just be aware of their proximity too because in the next moment she noticed his gaze shift.

It was similar to how he’d look at her in the elevator ride. She immediately found herself on alert as she backed away. 

‘Don’t even think about it,’ she warned.

‘Think about what?’

‘Whatever it is you’re thinking,’ she replied hotly. ‘Stop trying to freak me out by staring and touching me, it’s creepy. I’ll punch you again, I mean it.’

He stared at her impassively for a moment before looking away, and the danger she’d felt seemed to fade away. ‘As if I’d wanna touch you. Get off your high horse, kid.’

‘Wha- says the guy who keeps harassing me!’

Bill scowled at her. ‘I’m a demon. It’s what I do.’

‘So you do admit it!’ He kept contradicting himself. 

Bill said nothing, looking annoyed as he remained silent for a moment. After a while he released an aggravated grunt and waved a hand dismissively. ‘Hmph, so what? I’m Bill Cipher, I can do what I want! If I wanna touch you, I’ll touch you.’

‘Excuse me?’ Both her eyebrows disappeared into her hairline as she pinned him with a look of disbelief. Talk about a petulant child.

‘Ya heard me.’ He reached out an arm towards her, which Mabel quickly batted away before he tried to grab at her with the other. She swatted him away again, scuffling with the demon. As persistent as he seemed however, she didn’t get the same vibes from him as she had in the doorway to the diner, or the elevator. He wasn’t being serious right now, he was just messing. Which meant rather than being concerned or scared, she was just pissed off. It reminded her of when her seven year old cousin kept trying to grab her Robert Patterson posters off the wall every five seconds. So annoying.

A finger jabbed against her cheek before the brunet released a successful “ha!’ and pulled away with his arms thrown in the air. ‘See, I did it! 

Mabel stared at him flatly. ‘You’re a jerk.’

Dropping his hands, he offered her a toothy grin. ‘Save the compliments, Shooting Star.’

#2 Alternate ending to Ch 16 after Angel left Bill

‘Do you trust me?’

The growing aggravation in her eyes was quickly cast aside and replaced by confusion, her eyes flickering across his face. After a moment however the steely gaze returned and she yanked her hand free, holding it protectively against her chest. ‘Why the hell would I?’

‘You’re sayin’ if the ground opened up beneath us, and you were hanging on for dear life, you wouldn’t accept my hand if I could pull you up?’

Mabel regarded him warily, eyes briefly looking at the ground beneath them as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. ‘What kind of weird hypothetical is that?’

‘Cm’on, humour me.’

She met his gaze only for a fraction of a second before she looked away again, looking uncomfortable. ‘If you’re telling me my only two choices were falling to my certain death, or taking your hand then I guess I’d have to take your hand. But I could just as easily say if I had to share my bed with you or a grizzly bear, I’d pick the bear!’

He grinned. ‘But you trust me a little bit then.’

‘Like on a scale of nought to a hundred, it’s a one. I’ve drank milk that has a higher percentage than that.’ She threw her hands up before giving him an exasperated look. ‘Why are you even asking about this? Is this some weird long-con prank?’

‘Nope.’ Oddly, it wasn’t. He just hadn’t been able to get Angel’s words out of his head. So Shooting Star apparently trusted him the tiniest sliver of a bit. And knowing that made him… slightly elated? 

The smile he hadn’t been aware of on his face dropped at this revelation. If he was happy then it should be because he could find a way to take advantage of such a thing to his own benefit.

…But that hadn’t even entered his mind.

Bill frowned. Oh this wasn’t good. It was that damn Angel’s fault, her words had messed with his head! The best thing right now would be to get distance from the kid, but that wasn’t possible right now.

He glanced aside at her as she examined their surroundings, noting how she was chewing her fingernails again which meant she was nervous. 

Yeah, he was too.

Urgh. He wanted to scratch again but that would just hurt.

If only he could squish the brat’s face again, that had been a good stress reliever. But as she said, she wasn’t a stress ball - no matter how warm and squishy her skin felt beneath his hands.

Infact…

>

‘Hey.’

Mabel sighed internally as she looked across towards the demon, anxious about what he’d say next. ‘Yeah?’

He grinned as he held out his hand. 

Mabel stared at his hand expectantly. Then at him. 

‘...Am I meant to do something with this?’ she asked.

‘Yeah, grab it.’

‘What, why?’

‘Just do it.’

‘I don’t want to hold your hand though.’

He frowned. ‘You said you didn’t want me to scratch my arms, so do it.’

‘How does holding hands stop you from scratching your eyes out?’

‘Distraction,’ he replied. ‘The disgustingness of holding your hand will keep my mind occupied.’

‘Do I have to?’

‘Only if you don’t want me to go digging for treasure in my skin.’

Urgh. Mabel didn’t wanna hold his hand. Especially when he’d been acting so weird. It was making her feel weird as well, since she didn’t know what to expect or do in response.

‘Okay, fine.’

He smirked as she slid her hand into his, unable to keep the grimace off her face. His skin was hot to the touch as he squeezed her hand tightly and she purposefully looked away. ‘Can we go now?’ 

‘Sure.’

#3 Deleted scene from Chp 21, set after Angel “died”

Readjusting the fabric wrapped around her injury until she was confident it wouldn’t fall off in five minutes, Mabel stood back up.

‘Done?’ Bill asked.

She nodded. 

‘How’s the pain?’

She paused. There he went again, asking about her wellbeing. She wanted to dismiss it as him goading her, but there was no teasing or mockery in his voice.

There hadn’t been for a while now.

‘Nothing I can’t handle,’ she replied. A second later she added: ‘I’ve been putting up with you this entire time, after all.’

The demon looked surprised by her comment which was odd. ‘What?’ 

He studied her face for a moment before looking aside, shrugging. ‘Just not used to being smiled at like that.’

She froze. Was she smiling? She resisted the urge to raise her hands to her face, instead composing her face to relax. ‘So what? I’m a smiley person.’

‘Really? Coulda fooled me, you’ve been sour faced since I picked you up.’

‘Yeah, because you’ve been keeping me hostage! Nobody would smile in that situation!’

‘You haven’t been a hostage for a while now.’

‘That’s not- I- huh?’ she faltered, stumbling over her words. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Exactly what I said.’

She frowned. ‘You said so yourself, I can’t afford to leave.’

Bill groaned at that. ‘I say a lot of crap then change my mind, I’m my own worst enemy.’ He waved a hand dismissively. ‘Forget that stuff.’

‘Soooo, what? You’re not forcing me to help you anymore?’

Bill blinked at her. ‘....I mean hey, if you wanna keep helping me that’s fine.’

Mabel eyed him suspiciously. ‘All I want is to go home.’

‘And to do that, we need to get the Grimoire. I promise the moment I have it, I’ll get us outta here and you can go back home.’

‘Then what?’ she asked, feeling uncontent. ‘What will you do with the book after that?’

#4 Deleted scene intended to take place after Chp 17 but before they were thrown in jail. Here, Mabel’s memory of her phone conversation with Dipper is instead presented as a dream before I incorporated it into the jail illusion.

Throwing the phone across her room, the brunette grabbed a pillow and with a deep breath slammed her face into it and screamed. 

Meanwhile, Mabel stared at herself from across the room with eyebrows drawn together. ‘I never said that…’ 

Sure they’d said nasty things together, but they’d ended the conversation and agreed they’d talk when they both calmed down. Mabel had been waiting for him to call her like he usually did.

She would never say the kind of mean and ugly things that just played out towards the end. 

‘But you wanted to.’

She flinched at the whisper against her ear, snapping around to come eye to eye with-

‘Gideon?’

But as those pitch black eyes bore holes into her, her initial shock was swiftly eclipsed by a more sinister feeling. She took a step back.

“Gideon” smiled at her. ‘Time’s running out, child.’

She swallowed thickly, feeling suffocated down beneath the heavy pressure it exuded. ‘You…. What do you want? Where is Gideon?’

The Grimoire took a step after her, closing the distance once again. ‘What we want is simple.’

Its face loomed near her own, voidless eyes unblinking as it observed her seriously. 

‘We want you, Mabel Pines.’

Its hands latched onto both sides of her face, nails sinking into her skin as it yanked her closer. She immediately reacted, releasing a yell as she shoved it away and tumbled backwards out of its clutches.

As soon as her back hit the ground, she woke up.

And there she saw another face, captivating blue eyes piercing into her own.

‘Morning, Sleeping Beauty. Have a nice nap?’

She scrambled up to her feet, heart thudding as she looked around wildly. She’d been asleep? What? How?

‘What happened?’

‘You tripped up.’

‘I tripped?’

‘Yep, slammed the ground on your face and passed out for five seconds.’

She frowned, beginning to have the vaguest recollection of falling over. Bill regarded her for a moment before his eyes suddenly focused on her face and he stepped closer. Mabel regarded him warily, raising an eyebrow. ‘What?’ 

‘How did you get those marks?’

‘What marks?’

He frowned, reaching out towards her face. Her stomach flipped at the action and she quickly leaned away, thoughts briefly dashing back to their earlier conversation.

‘Are you saying that you… like me?’

‘Ha, yeah right!’ 

The demon’s eyes narrowed at her reaction, outstretched fingers curling in on themselves as he slowly dropped his arm by his side. Blue eyes flickered over her face in a way she couldn’t discern, and then he said something she didn’t expect.

‘Oi, can I touch your face?’

‘Hah?’

His expression pinched. ‘It’s not like I- it’s for a reason, okay!?’

Mabel leaned further away, and that only seemed to make him more annoyed. Meanwhile, she was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him. ‘What reason?’ 

‘Will you just say yes!’

‘Now you want me to say yes?’ she asked, eyebrows vanishing into her hairline.

He frowned. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Wha- seriously!?’ she asked, in disbelief. ‘You’ve been grabbing and physically harassing me since the moment we got in this place! And now you’re asking for my permission?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’ she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. What was he up to?

‘Can’t a guy try to be considerate?’

‘A guy can, sure. But not you.’

He scowled before turning away. ‘Forget this. You’re a brat.’

‘You’re the brat!’ she retorted, glaring at his back. ‘You’re acting like a little kid throwing a tantrum!’

He spun on his heel at that, eyes narrowed and he suddenly looked a lot more intimidating as he stepped towards her. Her anger faltered at the sudden change in mood as he towered over her. A pair of hands grabbed her by the forearms and she released a small “oop” as he jerked her forward so they were nose to nose, forcing her to stand on her tip-toes.

‘Angel.’

She blinked at the random word he spat out. ‘Huh?’

He glared at her a moment longer, and Mabel wasn’t sure what he was looking for in her expression but he clearly didn’t find it as after several moments the anger in his expression seemed to falter. ‘...Shooting Star?’

Mabel stared back at him, utterly lost. ‘What’s wrong with you?’

All at once his ire evaporated from his expression and he cast his eyes aside, muttering something beneath his breath. But then his eyes returned to meet her own, and Mabel saw that tell-tale shift in his gaze again. It wasn’t the one that indicated he was about to lie though. 

So what did it mean he was going to do?

His grip on her arms tightened and Mabel felt her heart picking up as her stomach churned. They were so close she could feel his breath on her face, and she noted how his pupils dilated as she swallowed thickly.

Time to retreat. Time to move away-

‘Can I touch your face?’

She froze at the request, but she wasn’t sure why. He was asking so gently, it was weird. Especially when he was staring at her so intently like that. Was it really him who asked it? She was so caught by his eyes she hadn’t seen his mouth move.

‘Why?’ she asked quietly. There was no way she could just say yes to him. It was Bill! Even when his expression seemed to fall slightly in disappointment. There was absolutely no way she could say yes-

‘Okay, fine.’

-or okay, she had just said that, hadn’t she? 

His gaze lit up before her eyes, an expression she’d only seen when he’d been revelling in terror or destruction beforehand. A set of warm hands suddenly cupped her face and where as she’d expected him to tug on her cheeks in a teasing manner, instead his thumbs brushed across her skin gently.

He leaned closer and her eyes widened. Wait, what was happening? She tried to will her arms to move but they felt like dead weight by her sides and he seemed closer still.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked, forcing the words past the solid lump in her throat. Her voice cut through their moment with Bill halting in place. In this position their lips were scarcely an inch apart, her entire vision taken up by his eyes. There was no way they’d started off this close - he’d definitely moved closer. 

His grip on her face slackened and he pulled away, regarding her tensely before he raised a hand. She noted the blood smeared on his thumb and flinched, raising a hand to her own cheek. Since when had she been bleeding there? Her fingers came across a welted mark on both sides of her face.

-almost like a set of nails had pierced her skin.

She paled.

‘I wouldn’t go to sleep again if I were you.’

She raised her head, meeting Bill’s eyes as he warned her. He seemed… annoyed? She blinked and he turned away from her. 

She dropped her hands from her face, slowly bringing them to cover her chest as she tried to calm her beating heart after what had just transpired.

It was fine. Everything was fine.

He’d just been examining the injuries on her face in his own weird and intrusive way. That was all. 

Nothing more.

….Right?

#5 Alternate Chapter 18 opening which showed exactly how Mabel/Bill ended up getting thrown in “jail” by Buddy Gleeful.

‘This is the one.’

Mabel eyed the blue door. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yep. Got it on good authority.’

‘And whose authority is that?’ she asked.

He paused, and flashed her a smile. ‘Mine of course.’

Mabel’s eyes narrowed. Liar.

But she was too eager to get out of here to question him. So she reached out and opened the door before them, revealing a clinical-like office space. It didn’t seem much different from the corridors they’d been lost in for the past…. however many hours. Days? It felt like days.

Mabel hesitated on stepping in. The last time she entered a room it didn’t go well.

Bill however seemed to have no such qualms, walking on in and looking around the room so with a hint of uncertainty she followed after him. It looked just like-

‘A waiting room?’ she asked, observing the empty chairs lined around the pristine white room. 

Bill walked up to the reception kiosk, knocking on the frosted glass that separated it from them. A dark shape shifted behind it and a female voice replied. ‘Name?’

‘Bill Cipher.’ He glanced her way. ‘Plus guest.’

‘He’s not seeing any visitors right now.’

‘We’re special.’

‘Uh huh. If you don’t have an appointment then-’

‘Can we make an appointment?’ Mabel asked, popping up beside him. She had no idea who “he” was but oh well.

The shape paused, and she could almost swear it tilted its head. ‘That voice…. are you Mabel Pines?’

‘Um, yes?’

‘Ooh, then in that case go right on it! VIP privileges, and all that.’

Mabel tilted her own head. ‘VIP?’

‘Nice, thanks chick!’ Bill said, taking the chance to open the door beside them. Mabel blinked as Bill gestured for her to follow, walking through the door as he held it open. They went into a smaller office, standing before two chairs and a desk. A larger chair stood on the opposite side, faced away from them with a figure seated on it.

‘...Bill Cipher and Mabel Pines, hm? Tell me, why are you visiting my office?’

Mabel frowned. That voice…

‘We need to find Gideon,’ Bill said.

‘Hah.’ There was a chuckle as the man slowly turned around in his chair, regarding the two of them with a benevolent smile. 

‘Bud Gleeful?’ Mabel said in astonishment.

‘Ah ah, that’s Warden to you two,’ he corrected, sending her a smile though his gaze was stern.

Mabel looked at Bill who didn’t seem surprised. ‘Why is there a warden here?’

Bill looked back at her. ‘It is a prison.’

‘Yeah, but Bud? His dad? Why is he the warden?’

Bill shrugged. ‘Dunno, why is his step-mom the receptionist? Mindscape stuff. Anyway,’ he returned his gaze to Bud. ‘We’re looking for Gideon, current day. Mind showing us the way?’

Bud regarded the two of them as he smoked on a pipe. Since when had he smoked? His gaze switched between the pair of them. ‘I could show you the way, aye…’

Mabel regarded him. ‘I sense a “but” coming.’

Bud chuckled at that. ‘Aye, you’d be right. I’m happy to show the way to innocent folks coming on through this place but, well…’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘You aren’t innocent, hm?’

Bill rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I mean, I might have committed an odd crime or two.’

‘Or a billion?’ Mabel cut in.

Bud leaned back in his chair. ‘I’ll show you the way but first you have to be punished for your wrongdoings. Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time is what I always say! Ha!’

Bill made a face. ‘What kinda punishment we talking about here? We’re on a clock here, pal. Is there any way to speed past this, do like an apology letter? A Youtube streamer video where we cry and shit?’

Bud smiled. ‘This is the Mindscape, after all. You’ll be in and out less than an hour if you do it right’

‘Hmm. Alright, fine. Let’s get to it. Give me the stuff, big daddy.’

‘Big Daddy?’ Mabel repeated, looking at him in disgust.

Bill shrugged.

Bud laughed. ‘You’re funny. But alas, I wasn’t speaking to you when I spoke about wrongdoings.’

Bill paused. ‘Wait…’

Mabel raised an eyebrow. ‘You mean…’

‘Me?’ /  ‘Her?’

‘Why me?’ Mabel cried. ‘He’s way worse than me!’

‘Definitely, I’ve got a billion years of petty crimes and interdimensional felonies on my head.’

‘True,’ Bud replied. ‘But you’re already being punished for your crimes as a demon, are you not? That’s a pretty nasty curse you got there.’

Bill went quiet at that. 

Mabel watched as her companion became subdued, before she scowled at Bud. ‘What exactly are my crimes?’

‘You already know that, dear.’

She frowned. ‘...For what I said to Dipper?’

‘Mighty selfish, aren’t we?’ Bud asked, eyes gleaming.

Mabel felt her heart squeeze painfully, gripping at the chair tightly beneath her.

‘Hey now, that’s bullshit,’ Bill cut in, appearing to have recovered. ‘She might be a brat sometimes, but that ain’t a crime. Trust me, if it was, most of the population would be in prison!’

Bud shrugged. ‘I’m Warden. What I say, goes.’

Bill eyed him suspiciously. ‘Did the Grimoire pay you off somehow? Or are you being controlled by it? What gives here?’

Bud shrugged, leaning back as he resumed his smoking. ‘That’s my condition. If you want me to take you to Gideon, Mabel here has to do her time.’

She frowned.

Bill scoffed. ‘This is obviously a trap! We’re not going to fall for it.’

‘I’ll do it,’ Mabel said.

‘Wait, what?’

She stood up, glowering at Bud. ‘Whatever you wanna throw my way, I’ll take it.’ 

“Time’s running out, child.’”

Mabel wanted to get out of this place. More than ever. If she had to deal with this then so be it.

Bud smiled at her brightly. ‘Good, good! In that case-’

‘Hey, hey, hold your horses!’ BIll spat, standing up. He pinned her with a glare. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Mabel raised an eyebrow. ‘Trying to get us to Gideon?’

‘This is a trap!’ he hissed, leaning towards her. ‘Who knows what’s gonna happen if you willingly walk right in.’

She paused for a moment before clenching her fists in her hands. ‘So what? You want to find Gideon, right? I’m here offering myself to help us with that.’

His face twisted. ‘You’re no good to me if something happens to you.’ He leaned closer, eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not doing this for the good of Gideon, you’re doing it because you want to get out of here.’

She averted her gaze.

‘So what if she is?’ Bud asked, cutting through their conversation. ‘People can do selfish actions that happen to benefit other people.’

Bill shot him a dark look, he turned to regard Mabel one more time before standing up. ‘Fine, but I’m tagging along with her.’

Bud stared at the demon for a moment before shrugging. ‘Sure, nothing against that.’

‘Sooo…. what happens now?’ Mabel asked.

Bud smiled at her. ‘Now, you do the time.’ Raising his hand, he snapped his fingers. And darkness took hold.

[westeroswisdom]

Being named after a specific person, real or fictional, can be something of a burden.

A teen posted at Reddit (and then deleted her account) about being named Khaleesi. She didn't say where she was from or what the name was – though it's easy to guess the name from the context of her post.

CHOOSING your child’s name is a tricky decision, particularly as you don’t want them to resent it later in life. However, this has been sadly the case for one teen who shared how she’s desperate to change her moniker, which was inspired by a Game of Thrones character. Taking to Reddit, she wrote how her parents called her Khaleesi, which is the title given to Daenerys Targaryen, played by Emilia Clarke in the HBO series. She wrote: “My parents named me after a fantasy TV show character, and it's deeply affected my life “I was born just after the first season of the show. They decided to name me after one of the main characters, but it's not her actual name, but instead her title.” She called the name “pretty dumb” and said she has been “bullied and made fun of” among peers.

Nerdy parents seem to go for stuff like this.

When she confronted her parents about their choice, they replied that it “fits her”, and got upset at the idea of her changing it. She added: “There's nothing cultural about my name. My parents are just annoying nerds and are too big into fandoms. Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, whatever popular sci-fi or fantasy thing, they're into”. [ ... ] Khaleesi replied: “Yeah, I feel like some parents don't get the idea of just how impactful a name actually is.  “It's the child who will actually be called that.”

Peter Dinklage made this comment after Game of Thrones had concluded on HBO.

"We told you not to name your dog Khaleesi."

You probably should wait until after House of the Dragon has concluded before naming kids after characters in the series. At the very least, use series names as middle rather than first names.

[jwittekchatter]

Newest Jeff FM with Tana #114 - Part 1

-Tana said she’s going back to Hawaii in 8 days. They filmed the pod last week so is she spending Thanksgiving with this new guy? She said she’s going back for peace. I wonder when the Italy trip was pushed because Brooke said the thing about her being gone until the 7th about a week ago.

-She’s drinking a Happy Dad. She said she feels like she fell in love with the Hawaiian guy she just met (talking in with a soft voice). Jeff’s acting jealous and said he commented on her tiktok to give the people what they want and she said she hated it. But then made a TikTok replying to it. That’s she’s since deleted. (It’s giving whiplash)

-around 10:00 she said someone asked her if they sleep together then describes what she thinks sex with Jeff would be like. Steven asked if he slept with anyone while he had his eye messed up after the accident and he said yeah. She said Jeff is going to cut this and he said no he’s not cutting anything anymore. (Hasn’t he said before he was celibate for like a year after his accident because he was so depressed and self conscious?)

-she said she lost an SD card for a brand deal that was worth $100k! The fact that companies are so desperate they’ll have her as a spokesperson while so many of us make so little doing actual jobs is annoying

-She said people tell her she’s thriving when she’s sober but she’s miserable the whole time. And if she’s sober at a social event she wants to get out of there.

-He said he went to Friendsgiving since he didn’t go to Halloween where everyone was drunk but this was worse as far as the drinking.

-He said he had fun for the first 20 minutes he was there. She said then he was there for hours with her. Then he brought up his comment about “black, gay friend”. She said she left it up on purpose and didn’t care what people would say about it (yikes)

-He said whenever Imari and Tana are wasted and gang up on him, saying they need stuff he just gives them his credit card. Wtf?!! They aren’t his kids. She suggested they get pedicures on the pod but they didn’t.

-Some billionaire boy toy of Tana’s ran in the marathon too and Tana made a group chat for them (gc = Tana, Jeff, rich guy). He brought Jeff to his hotel room and gave him some supplements for the race that helped. Jeff said he didn’t stay in the city, he stayed in Staten Island (surprised to hear that). I’m guessing this was only for the day of the race though. We’ve seen how he’ll do whatever possible to spend the least amount of time with his parents as he can

-Around 23:00 in the group chat I forget but probably he said “whoever does better in the race gets to bang Tana”. Then Jeff did better and wrote for her to get ready for him. Jesus 🤢 earlier he said “I been coulda had that shit“ referring to Tana. Crude way to put it but he’s right. If he wanted to sleep with her he would’ve a year ago.

-she said at the start that he turned into a character because he was down or moody before they filmed and was different once filming started

-at 26:36 and he’s talking about the first time he had sex since his accident and how he kept thinking about his eye. Steven asked if his eye throbbed and he said yes.

He just said he powered through and now he’s doing good. No time frame but that could’ve been P.

-Around 27:00 they’re talking about how Tana says the online edits of them are getting out of control. He saw them talk about it on Cancelled.

-Steven asked if Jeff got drunk would he hit on Tana and Jeff said maybe. Tana said “give him an Ambien in here and he would.” So how messed up does he get on Ambien?

-Said he just filmed Charlotte’s pod (DeAlessio I’m guessing). He’s talking about ketamine therapy and how he doesn’t want to do it. Charlotte said she tried MDMA therapy. He really isn’t interested in these new alternate ways. Ketamine therapy isn’t exactly like doing k like the drug right? That’s what he’s thinking and why he’s against it but couldn’t he just research that?

-At 33:00 Tana said she’s doing horribly and that’s why she went to Hawaii. Said she’s working on a book and wants to self sabotage herself by calling people out and they’ll hate her (yeah right 🙄). She wants to get so much hate it’ll force her to retire and leave this career (as if she’d ever leave. She’s too attention obsessed.

-She really sounds very over LA and is in a down mood when talking about her life for the last ten years there. At 35:37 she said that’s why she likes Hawaii and NY. Jeff said he thinks that’s why he’s feeling good because he’s been around his real friends and family in NY (barely his family, come on now). She says she has great real friends (I question that because her main friends are sketchy AF but she doesn’t know any better I guess).

-At 35:40 Oscar either says “when you were going to do The Simple Life thing” or “when you do…” please don’t let Kentucky still happen omg. Jeff said in his live that they’re going to do two series coming up. anons listen and write in what you hear him say

-She said she’s so grateful for the Jeff friend group. 36:40 said Jeff is a part of her book because he signifies (her word) her finding passion again in her life. Give me a break, he treats her like shit

-37:36 Jeff says people say he has worse friends now and don’t like them but they saved him and brought him out of a hole. Brought his passion back (he literally just is rude to them all the time so I don’t see that as passion). He’s very happy with everyone in his life right now. She appreciates them because they see her for her and still like/love her. (Maybe the boys do but Jeff doesn’t at all).

-Oscar asked if they want to read Reddit hate comments but they didn’t

-38:58 Jeff: “I just try to be as like honest as possible.”

...

[srjlvr]

Enhypen’s reaction to their s/o not being the jealous type?

Notes:

i love this idea!! i’ll try my best to make it perfect!! hope you’ll enjoy reading💕 (i also hope i stood your expectations!!) ++ it took me a while to write this, im completely sorry. im also sorry if there’s any typos! it was kinda rush, pls lmk kindly if there’s any typos and i’ll fix them right away!!💕

— Heeseung !

You two were having dinner at a restaurant and the waitress ter wouldn’t stop flirting with Heeseung.

Heeseung thought it’ll be fun to tease you about it and began flirting with the waitress.

While flirting with you he noticed that you don’t even budge and got annoyed. He pouted loudly and waited for you to say something until he gave up and started a conversation.

“Aren’t you going to tell me why i shouldn’t be flirty with other people?” He quietly ask. You started laughing loudly, “Why? You thought i was going to get jealous?”. “Well yeah considering the fact that i’m your partner and i’m flirting with someone” He rolled his eyes and leaned back his chair. “I trust you enough to know that there’s no way you’ll leave me for someone like that waitress, don’t worry” You gave him a wink and continued eating.

— Jay !

Jay was completely bored while scrolling through his tiktok until one of the ‘pranking my s/o’ type othing and decided to pull a prank on you.

he asked jake to do fake texts with him and afterwards he went to the kitchen leaving his phone next to you open. He expected to hear you shouting his name but after ten minutes of complete silence he returned and saw you scrolling through your medias on your phone.

He sighed loudly which caused you to look at him and ask him what’s up.

“You didn’t even look at my phone?” He whined. “Oh i did, even if it was real i wouldn’t really care, i trust you enough for that, but next time make sure to delete your previous texts with jake” You gave him a wink and continued scrolling through your medias. He pouted thinking that you’re really not the jealous type and if he wants to get your attention he’ll have to get it in other way.

— Jake !

You and Jake went out on a walk around the city, you enjoyed the breeze and the environment as much as you could.

On your walk at the park, Jake noticed a familiar figure, as you two got closer to the figure, he noticed it’s one of his old friends. He ran up to her and gave her a hug right away.

They continued talking, leaving you completely alone. You didn’t care as much even when they started to get a bit touchy with each other. You went to the other side and looked at the view until they parted ways.

“Hmm do I smell jealousy?” He brutally teased. “From whom?” You confusedly asked. “You obviously! You went to the side, not even bothering to look at us, even when we were a bit touchy touchy” He annoyedly replied. You crossed your hands and raised your brow. “And why would I be jealous?” “Because you’re my partner….?” He confusedly asked, he was hoping that you’ll get jealous and give him some attention, but you only chuckled and shook your head. “I’ll never get jealous over something that i know that is mine forever” You gave him a short peck on his lips and ran away.

— Sunghoon !

You two went on ice skating date together. Sunghoon promised you that he’ll be teaching you the basics for skating and today was the day!

While you were practicing on your skating skills, one of the skaters fell down and Sunghoon went right up to help her, leaving you to practice alone.

He continued helping the other skater and even showed her more skills to practice on. Since he was like her guide, he had to have skinship with her. He always looked for any reaction from you, but got annoyed when he saw none.

“Are you trying to make me jealous?” You snickered while skating slowly as he was skating right next to you. “Not at all, but if we’re talking about it-“ “i’m not jealous hoon, she needed help with skating, i get that, i had to get some help too at first” You giggled, “I’m proud of you for helping”. He took the time to think about it and chuckled when he realized you’re trusting him that much to not get jealous.

— Sunoo !

You and Sunoo were hanging out in a caffe shop, gossiping and laughing at the other’s “interesting” lives.

You two heard a voice calling for Sunoo and looked at the same direction, behind Sunoo stood his ex, he and his ex ended up on good terms, so when she called him, his eyes lightened a bit.

She came and sat next to him since you sat across him and started talking with him, leaving you completely out of the loop. You had to watch them talking and laughing without letting out a word. After she left Sunoo gave you a satisfied smile.

“It was nice seeing her again” He giggled and you returned a smile. “It’s so cute watching you being so happy, i’ll treasure this memory forever” You excitedly said. “Aren’t you jealous….? I mean it’s my ex you know” You broke your eye contact, looking down and giggling. “Ex is the past, i’m only looking at the present” He pout a bit, thinking he could actually make you jealous and express your love for him.

— Jungwon !

Jungwon was the popular guy at your school while you were the average person that everyone knows but never talks with.

Whenever you two hangout at your school, other people always find their way to interrupt you two by stealing Jungwon for you and even hugging him out of nowhere, using a lot of skinship with him.

You could tell he was clearly uncomfortable and decided to step up and shoo them away each time it happens.

It was another story like this and this time, after you shoo the people away Jungwon was smirking at you. “Did you just get jealous? is that why you always shoo those people away?” He teased, hoping to get a positive answer. “Hm? No babe, you clearly looked like you were not having fun so i had to stop it. Why would i be jealous? You being popular is amazing! It means that im the luckiest to have you” You gave him a kiss on his cheeks before he could pout and whine about the fact that you’re not even getting a bit jealous.

— Riki !

You and riki both were at the dance club in your school and the teacher decided to do duet assignments.

You expected to be with riki and already planned an idea in your mind, however the teacher didn’t stand your expectations and assigned you to be with other classmate.

riki was always passionate about his dance so he took the choreography a bit ‘too far’ using a lot of “closed up” parts with his dance partner and so. He hoped he could get you jealous as well.

After their performance, riki expected you to get sassy and annoyed, he made himself mentally ready, however it changed when he saw you smiling widely at him and clapping as much as you can. “That was AMAZING!! I’m proud of you baby!” You tightly hugged him. “Aren’t you mad? Annoyed? Disappointed? Something?!?!” His shocked face expression scared you. “No babe why would I be? That was PERFECT i loved it!!” You continued hugging him and now, instead of you being annoyed by that, he was the annoyed baby.

[rpmemesbyarat]

A Less Obvious Toxic RPer: The Overaplogizer

I see a lot of RP resource blogs that talk about toxic RP partners in the cases of people who are overtly controlling, aggressive, demanding, and/or cruel, but rarely if ever do I see posts about a different sort of toxicity: The over-apologizer. These RPers don’t get defensive or aggressive, they get so submissive and self-hating and apologetic over the SLIGHTEST criticism or even suggestion. It’s not a problem of “not saying sorry” it’s a problem of TOO MUCH sorry. Here are some examples: Sally: “Hey there, I know we planned for our muses to end up together eventually, but some of your recent asks seem to suggest they’re already a close  couple. I was hoping for a longer slow-burn sort of thing, moving in too fast will definitely scare my muse off. Could we dial it back a bit?” Bill: “I’m so sorry, I completely fucked up! Please don’t hate me ! I should never have started RPing! Let’s just drop the whole thing I’m sorry I wasted your time!” Sally: “Hey, so in your last reply, you had a whole bunch of spiders come out of the walls. I probably should have mentioned this before, but spiders are kind of a trigger of mine. Could we change that to something else?” Bill: “OMG I’m so sorry I’m such an asshole! I should delete my blog, I’m so terrible at this! This is why nobody likes me!” Sally: “Hey, I really love our threads, but our last three have all focused on my muse saving and comforting yours, and the new plot you just suggested seems the same. I like writing with you, but I was wondering if this time around, your muse could help mine instead?” Bill: “I hate myself, I’m such a selfish prick. I push everyone off, why did I think this would be different?” Sally: “I love talking to you OOC, but could you stop messaging me about New Show? I’m just not really interested in that.” Bill: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you, I’ll just shut up now. I’m sorry I’m such a loser.” So, why is this bad? Well, for one thing, insulting yourself isn’t what someone’s aim is when they ask you to change something or cease a behavior. It makes the Sally in this situation feel bad, like they’ve just bullied you, when all they’ve done is politely communicate a reasonable request. It changes the topic of the conversation from Sally communicating a need about RP, to Sally having to personally reassure Bill that she doesn’t hate him, he isn’t a terrible RPer, etc. This is really, really uncomfortable for the Sally, and usually, in my experience as a Sally, ends up taking a lot of time and emotional labor all focused on Sally comforting Bill and apologizing a lot herself simply for speaking up about something bothering her. All of this combines to making Sally more and more unlikely to voice any further concerns or requests to Bill, because she doesn’t want to go through this again and again. Which means Sally either suffers through threads that bother her in some way and aren’t fun for her. . .or she gets tired of that and just ghosts. This sucks for both Sally and Bill. Now, I don’t think most people are trying to be deliberately manipulative when they act like Bill. Some certainly are and I hate them, but it can also be that they’re genuinely extremely insecure, anxious people who think they have to over-correct due to either mental issues, trauma/abuse in the past, or both. So I genuinely try to be patient and kind, but I won’t lie, it is still manipulative and it gets my hackles up. It leaves me conflicted between wanting to comfort the person and reassure them, and at the same time being pissed at them. It’s definitely a frustrating experience. And honestly? I still don’t actually know how to handle this when I’m in the Sally position. So I tried to do the next best thing, and write this for the Bills out there, who might not REALIZE this is toxic behavior or why. Bills, you’re not a bad person, and I know this behavior can be hard to rein in, especially when it’s a trauma response, but please do what you can to try! I wish I had advice for how, but I don’t. All I can do is point out that this behavior, while it may have helped you survive a bad situation in the past, is actually really shitty to others now. And if someone WANTS this behavior from you? If someone WANTS you to scrape and grovel and insult yourself when they point out the slightest thing wrong? Get the hell away from them, because that’s toxic as hell too.

[munsonthemisfit]

Hi, uh. I’m a little nervous about saying this so please hear me out and be understanding with me? I’m not good at sticking up for myself honestly so cut me some slack… 🖤

Can we please find a way to be more patient with me? Uh. I really really adore how enthusiastic everyone is to have me around and from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for the amount of love you’ve shown me. I’m so fucking flattered that I’m so welcomed on here, you’ve made me feel like the coolest fucking dude and I love it, thank you. I’ve gone from being an unwanted outcast so feeling like I’ve found my family here, but can I please ask for one more thing? Can you please give me a little more time/space to reply to you?

If you can imagine I’ve got right now maybe 20 people in my dms talking to me and I love you all and I’m doing my absolute best to respond asap, but some of y’all keep spamming me and I’m getting a little overwhelmed. You’ll repeatedly just say ‘hi’ or spam me to get my account or even start with ‘sorry for repeat messaging…’ multiple times and then continue your dm. If each person in my dms did that even a couple times I would instantly be behind 100s of messages. Please, please, please be patient?

Yes I may be on the dashboard but that doesn’t always mean I’ve got the energy to send dms, I wanna have fun and catch up on what my friends are posting on their blogs without having to spend my entire time responding to messages or my entire time answering questions. I LOVE doing both of these things but I don’t want to miss out on my friends just cause I’m busy there.

I’m so scared of hitting post limit and I don’t want to be locked out from communicating with you guys just cause I’m replying to all asks immediately. Ive been queuing things to post whilst I sleep so things are more spaced out. I don’t wanna wreck everyone’s feed so it’s just my annoying ass in their faces when they’ve got other friends they wanna appreciate too. Everything will get replied to unless it’s harassing/hate, so please just wait to see it?

I don’t wanna bother my friends by spamming their feed. I don’t wanna miss my friends by spamming my own feed. I don’t always have the energy to reply to dms/asks so sometimes I just lurk on the dashboard so please be understanding. I feel like I’m gonna have to start deleting conversations/asks if people get too impatient because I’m getting overwhelmed and I just wanna show everyone love and kindness.

TLDR; pls be patient with me? <3

I’m trying my best and I’m truly sorry if that’s not good enough for you, I am. I’m sorry. I love you all.

- Munson 🖤

[writingmochi]

“smirch” episode 1: heeseung

cast: student council president & bad boy!heeseung ✗ friend’s sister!fem.reader

synopsis: lee heeseung was given the responsibility of being the student council president of decelis high. yet, he’s living a double life, being the resident “bad boy” outside of his academic career. well, he can balance them out with the help of a few people with very diverse characters he proudly calls his friends. one day, he found another person joining the group. you, his friend’s younger sister

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 banner intro video inspired by series 1′s opening (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

word count: 25701 (25.7k)

warning(s): mc has sleep deprivation, mention of parental infidelity, mention of nudity, mention of drugs and consumption of drugs (cigarette and marijuana) (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

hi! i’m so excited to finally be releasing this lmao and i want to say sorry for the delay cause i accidentally delete one part of the story that is final so i had to take more time to rewrite/re-edit that part as good as i can. but hey it’s finally here and very ambitious project indeed. i’ve also opened an ask my character/behind the writing content for this series that you can check out right here. enjoy the messiness!

masterlist

you've always heard the phrase 'the night is young', but surely it goes older as time passes.

colours of blue, pink, and gold embrace the dawn sky as you stroll on the pavement of your neighbourhood from your nightly rendezvous with your friends, feeling all the energy softens in your body after experiencing a whole different part of the universe from your usual teenage life, shedding all the troubles away for a night of fun and freedom. but all of them must end when the hint of the sun peeks from the east.

wrapping your hands around yourself in your thin-layered clothes as you step past the other houses to your home, the make-up on your face smudged from the greasy foods and beverages you consume, your eye-lined eyes smeared and messier than when you put them on the previous night. spring's cold weather greets you with a sudden blow of wind as you cowered for the warmth of your body heat. when you see the silhouette of your destination with the sun peeking behind it, you pick your phone up from your pocket, pressing a speed dial to the only boy you can put your trust in.

beomgyu, only paired with his boxers, wakens as he heard a muted sound of something vibrating along with his regular ringtone. rubbing his swollen eyes, he reached for his phone beneath the pillow beside him, noticing the blurry text of the name and the answer button on the lock screen.

“annoying devil,” he muttered as he pressed the button and heard rustles from the other side of the line.

“i’m a couple of meters away...” he can hear his sister whispering closely to her phone’s mic.

he hums as the corner of his lips raise up, lazily replying “good morning to you too.”

“i can smell mom’s cooking from here. that’s how close i am.” you continue talking, no, reminding as beomgyu stands up and walks to the ajar window of his room, lifting it up to greet the morning draft and pastel sky. he closed his eyes to focus his sense of smell as he can smell the delicious aroma from the kitchen. the sizzling sound quietly follows as the surrounding sound cancels out so that he could focus on it for a moment.

“the usual?” he asked as he opens his eyes, greeted by a flock of birds chirping as their silhouette decorates the orangey atmosphere. you smirked as you step forward to the entrance of the house under beomgyu’s bedroom window. you can see him looking down when you stop walking on the concrete, head tilted as the smirk you don gives a signal to your older brother.

“obviously...”

the line cuts as beomgyu’s lips also smirk. he moves to his desk where a radio sits. turning it on makes him hear the music from a hip-hop based fm he heard a few evenings ago. he places his hand on the volume dial and turns it to the max until he can’t move it back anymore, standing there as he can feel the floor shake beneath his feet by the bass playing while the rappers’ flow balances the melody and harmony. that’s when he can hear the stomping of feet climbing up the stairs outside of his door behind the booming sound that even you can hear outside. you silently giggle as you can see the backside of your brother’s figure slanting closer to his windowsill. he gave a thumbs up, a cue for you to approach the front door of your house.

“CHOI BEOMGYU!! TURN THE MUSIC DOWN! I’M TRYING TO HEAR THE NEWS.” beomgyu acted in panic when his mom slammed open the door to his room, he strode to pick up the radio remote from a shelf beside the desk and pressed the buttons on it to turn the volume down.

“SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH THE REMOTE, MOM!” you stifled a laugh as you heard beomgyu yell, recalling that he told you his radio remote doesn’t even have a battery in it. you can see the silhouette of your mom—a spatula in one of her hands—leaning against beomgyu’s room’s door frame as you peek from the bottom steps of the stairs. you gradually climb the rest of the steps, eyes strained on their moves.

“YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE YOUR DAD UP. HE CAME HOME LATE LAST NIGHT. LET HIM REST.”

“I’M TRYING, MOM! IT’S STUCK.” beomgyu uses all his might to turn the dial back when he caught you in the hallway of the stairs behind mom. you give him a short wave as you lightly jog to your room.

closing the door as delicate as you can, you quickly wrapped yourself with your duvet and lay down in your bed, some clutter in your room slightly shaking because of the radio across the hallway.

“BLOODY HELL BEOMGYU.” mom came in and pull the radio plug out of the socket right beside the desk. immediately dropping the plug as she puts her empty hand on her waist while beomgyu sheepishly laughs in disbelief, acting as if he didn’t know he can do it that way too.

“we might get another noise complaint from the old couple across the street. you know how much i hate to have an encounter with them. you have heard about how gossipy they are, right?” mom sighed, palming her forehead while shaking her head. beomgyu trying to calm himself down from laughing.

“yeah, mom. sorry.” mom pats his bare shoulder as she snickers.

“take a shower and fix your radio. i swear if you interrupt me with my daily news again today, i’m not giving you breakfast. i’m going to wake your sister up.” mom gives a soft smile and closes the door to his room. beomgyu chuckles as he turns around to fix the stuck volume dial with a few careful tricks up in his non-existing sleeves (cause he is topless).

you hear the footsteps getting closer to your room as you rub your hair until it somehow looks like bed hair, carefully making them cover your make-up-coated face. as you turn yourself away from the door, you heard the hinges as it opens.

“sweetie, wake up.” you heard your mom say softly, a few steps and a caress to your duvet-covered upper back.

"a few more minutes." you replied sleepily, trying to make it hoarse as if you have just woken up, yet your eyes are wide awake under the hair curtain you made.

"breakfast is almost done. come down when you are ready." you hummed and heard the click of the door as it closes, mom's presence slowly left your vicinity.

you jumped out of bed and hurried to your vanity to wipe your make-up clean from your face with your remover and cotton pads, the eye bags and dark circles getting much more prominent as the white pads slowly got stained from your eyeshadows. your eyes left the mirror with a reflection of your bare face as you walk to your en suite bathroom when you finally notice the new ironed uniform hanging on your closet knob. you forgot that you're going to go to school with your brother for the first time today.

your parents have always made you two go to different schools since you were kids. reasons why they did that remains a mystery that you are genuinely curious about. well, that changes when a plate of spaghetti got thrown at you two weeks ago, staining your uniform in the middle of the cafeteria at the busy lunchtime. you were enrolled in an all-girls high school. teens, especially teenage girls, do really have their hormones skyrocketed from time to time and one of them explodes that day.

a girl, whose parents are actually the owner of the school, suddenly trips you over and throws her spaghetti on you. how unlucky. you never even cross paths with her or other daughters of the elites that enrol in the school. whispers you heard from other students informed you that she was jealous of you for an unknown reason, might be plural, as to why. but, you never pursue it more cause why should you waste your time on it? that day, you did what you believe is the right thing out of the most stupid decisions that were swimming in your mind. you slam her spaghetti back to her face and all hell breaks loose.

the food fight erupts with every single girl throwing their food at one another. mashed potatoes, noodles, chocolate pudding, all of them flew all over the place, smearing the beige wall and light wooden table. the school staff identified you two as the perpetrators and brought you back to the principal's office, where that girl tried to threaten the principal using the privilege that she has. you sit there, your fingers interlocked on your lap, thinking about what you can do since you knew that you two are suspended. it was pretty unexpected that your parents didn't get mad when they got a call about you getting suspended, so you talked it out with them, beomgyu joins too because he is a curious ass person, and the discussion ended with the decision for you to change school cause you argue that you can't win against the hierarchy itself, especially since she can bribe the witness with all the money she has, correction: the money that her parents have. you decide to humble yourself and let your pride down just so you don't encounter her again.

beomgyu also chimes in that day that he can take care of you if you go to decelis with him, also known as his current high school. your parents have had a soft spot for your relationship with one another since you were a little baby in your crib when beomgyu promised to help take care of you, that was what dad said one time to you, he was literally almost a two-year-old in his story. so, they agree, which gives you the freedom that you wanted, but freedom doesn’t really cure everything, doesn’t it? cause you still can’t seem to sleep at night.

you’ve been having trouble sleeping since the start of high school. all the stress cumulated from the new environment, new friends, schoolwork, teachers who don’t seem to understand their students, adults’ expectations on teens your age to think about their future—which is a huge decision making that you have to have time to think—before you became an adult, et cetera. you thought your second year will not be as stressful as your first, but you thought wrong cause it felt heavier.

you want to shear them away, for your own mind’s sake, to not slowly deteriorate to craziness. you want to feel at ease again, just like you were back in the early days of your middle school years before. you think you might grow up too fast because of the immense pressure, and that’s why you did something about it after being suspended.

in your two weeks of free time, you asked your tiny circle of friends if they want to go out at night. you knew that your friends in the previous school will miss hanging out with you, so you used the opportunity you have to make more memories with them, usually eating fried chicken in the local chicken joint, playing games at an arcade, or eating instant noodles by the han river. every few days changed to every day ever since a week ago. you do sense that your body is tired, feeling your head getting warmer when you open your eyes, but you’ve finally got to replace all the stress-inducing things you do with playtime, your body still feels restless as ever, all the dopamine inside you is getting you addicted, making you—that felt tired—pumping the energy back with a sudden surge.

a day in your life is now flipped like you’re living on the other side of the world with a 12 hours difference from yours, doing your routine like those that just started their day at their side and when they rest at night, you rest at day. but it all must come to an end when you have school now.

or does it have to?

the delicious smell takes over the room as you walk to your usual seat at the dining table, the backpack that you haven’t held for the past two weeks now seated beside your chair’s leg. as you bit your upper lip, you listen as footsteps stepping in from behind you, beomgyu’s long hair coming to the vision as he sits down across from you, showing his teasing face with his tongue doing some weird gymnastics, making you chuckle as you rolled your eyes. mom sets down cups of tea for both of you as dad walks into the room, wearing his formal work outfit with his tie on properly. you hope they can’t see the thick concealer you put on under your eye from the morning glow coming from the windows.

“sweetie, look at you with your new outfit.” dad comes and ruffles your hair then pats beomgyu’s shoulder before sitting in his usual seat and drinks his black coffee. you notice beomgyu staying quiet and subtly rolling his eyes at dad.

you eat your breakfast like how you do every day after a power nap that you call now is your ‘sleep’—if you got the chance to, mom reminds beomgyu to change the remote battery cause of what happened this morning, earning a small giggle from you as you listen from the perspective inside the house of what he did for you this morning. but, you also notice that beomgyu has been glancing at dad a few times, seeing an unreadable expression shown on his face, much different from you’ve seen in the previous mornings where their active dynamics and banter sometimes annoy you so much you want to do something else instead.

you earn an embrace from mom and a small ‘good luck’ when she whispers to your ear, giving a small peck to her husband as you turn to look at beomgyu who is still wearing the face he has at the table as he faces the front door from outside of the house. your dad gives you a wave as he left to go to work, his car drives away and disappeared as it turns a corner, glancing at beomgyu’s now relaxed face as you both walk side by side to the bus stop to your new school.

“can’t believe you agree to go to decelis,” beomgyu said as he walk backwards, facing towards you with his hands in his pocket. that signature grin he usually dons when he looks at you, or himself, proudly.

“honestly, i’m tired of being in different schools from yours all the time. and you convince me, mom, and dad to go to yours.” you sighed and squint at him as you grip your bag straps.

“well, now you get to experience the decelis life yourself. with me as your partner in crime, of course. but you know my one rule, right?” beomgyu grins as he turns to face forward. you sure hope he was joking, but you knew from his eyes he is not.

“yeah, no dating your friends...” you know in the deepest part of your heart that he cares for you, even more than your parents sometimes. his habit of always backing you up and ruffling your hair is suspicious if you see it from an outside perspective, and you also want your brother to let you be sometimes, especially regarding your love life. but you like having a brother like him and you won’t change him any other way.

“you were awfully quiet at the table and you glanced at dad a lot. usually, you two always banter about it if something happened.” you speed up so that you can follow his pace and walk right beside him again. you catch beomgyu biting his bottom lip as he is now the one who sighed while shaking his head.

“you’re usually not home at night so you don’t even notice. dad has been getting home late recently.” beomgyu acknowledged by looking back at you before looking away to the pavement again, the expression he wears back at home slowly seeps into the surface.

“he must have so much work then,” you replied optimistically, remembering how quiet and tired your dad is at the dining table while sipping his coffee, courtesy of what your mom yelled at beomgyu when you slip into your room. you haven’t seen your dad during breakfast much because, for the past week, you woke up after he has gone to work.

“no, i don’t think so 'cause i saw something last night that might make you think differently.” he halted his movement. you, who stood a few small steps in front of him, turn around and see a sombre smile on his face. slowly trailing down to see his right hand curled into a fist.

“i was on my way to the bathroom to shit when dad stumbled home looking dishevelled as fuck. he’s not even wearing his tie properly. i greeted him as he stretches his neck, which made his shirt get pulled down, and i found some purple spots on his collarbone and shoulder.” beomgyu’s eyebrows furrowed. you stood there, stunned, as you slowly shake your head, stepping forward towards your brother to whisper.

“so, you are saying...”

beomgyu looks everywhere then leans in to whisper back, “dad has been fucking around with someone who is not mom.”

your eyes widen as your grip on the strap tightens.

“well shit,” you exclaimed to mask the shock as beomgyu continue walking.

no way your dad’s like that, he has always been a gentleman to all of you in the family. is it because the two of you and your mom are not enough for him? you slowly clenched your fist as you rethought. beomgyu can lie, but why would he?

you both continue to walk as you saw the roof of the bus stop from the horizon. you can see the bus that you’re going to ride is at the end of the street. however, you felt your footsteps getting heavier, little faints of exhaustion trying to come outside that you suppress as you used to still be sleeping around this time with the addition of your fisted hand clenching so much that it might drain the energy inside you. beomgyu seems to notice as you felt him wrap his arm around your shoulder.

“you can have a nap on the bus. i’ll wake you up when we arrive.” you give him a small smile, glad that he doesn’t comment on why you were sighing, as you both step into the bus that stops and sits down in the two-seater near the back. fidgeting your fingers, you process all the possibilities for the future that pops up in your head one at a time. the stress hasn’t gone yet, might get even worse knowing you have to force yourself to adapt to your new school, and a slowly boiling trouble that you’ve just known minutes ago. you might not sleep soundly soon even if it is what you crave.

you lean your head against the window, looking at the view outside. beomgyu, who sits beside you, pulls out his phone from his uniform blazer’s pocket and calls someone, hearing the dial sound beeping to connect him to the other end of the line.

-

heeseung raised his head as he heard the phone ringtone and the sound of it vibrating coming from his bedside table that pierces the morning ambient he used to listen to from a few stories up from the street, his head felt heavy as it still wants to lie on the fluffy white pillow yet the ringing won’t stop and plays and plays as he covered his ears with the pillow. he groaned—finally giving up on resisting—stretching his arm to pick up the phone and answer the call.

“wakey-wakey, heeseungie.” he heard beomgyu’s annoying voice from the other side of the line, some static-covered noise he can decipher as beomgyu’s giggles entered his ear, and a faint rumble of a bus follows behind.

“fuck off. i need more sleep!” he yelled to the mic whilst sitting up on the mattress and stretching his other arm, the lean muscles visible because of his sleeveless shirt as he looks at the curtain-covered room, shielding it from the sunlight.

“bro, school’s starting in like an hour and a half,” beomgyu replied while heeseung stood up and stretch his other muscles on his upper body as he opens the curtains, squinting his eyes from the barraging light. he can a vague reflection of his figure on the window, the tattoo on his upper arm that he always covers up outside of the vicinity of his flat stands out like a glow-in-the-dark sticker he used to have stuck on his wall back in his childhood room, knowing that his parents will kill him if they found he even has one ink on his body. good thing they’re in boston, he always reminds himself.

he yawned as he walked to pick out today’s uniform from his full-capacity wardrobe, quietly sighing as he saw a small wrinkle, remembering that he forgot to iron it this week. another day to use the student council’s room to lie down again, he thought. not like the other members of the council don’t do that too, plus he is in his last year so most of the time at school, he’s going to study for his scholastic test later in the school year while concluding his k-12 studies with a few more lesson on what happens today or the most complex theory a high school student be able to learn about.

“yeah... yeah... gonna wake hoon and jay up, like usual,” heeseung spoke, cradling the phone between his head and shoulder as he rolls his eyes, closing the wardrobe and grabbing his undergarments.

“good boy! gonna call jake, sunoo, tyun, and kai. see you at our usual place.” the line cuts after beomgyu’s last words. he throws his complete outfit on the bed and his phone right beside it. his eyes go to his desk as he walks to pack for today’s class, picking out the garbage in his bag that he didn’t remember how they got there and folding his wrinkled blanket.

he steps out of his room to go to the shared bathroom of the apartment when he hears giggling and lips smacking from a room right beside his. he frowns, recalling how much sleep he had gotten because of them, and it boils him up to act. he walks towards the door, hands forming into the fist as he let his knuckles do the work.

“i don’t care who you are, go the fuck home.” heeseung shouted as he knock on the door and heard rustles and bumps from the other side. the door opens to see a girl opening it, clothes not worn properly, and she dashed out of the apartment as her pitter-patters flatter away. heeseung looks at where the girl was, letting out an unamused look as he turns back to see sunghoon sitting up, leaning his body on his bed’s headboard, probably still naked underneath the covers of his blanket.

sunghoon strokes the skin under his eyes and grunts, “what the fuck, hee?!”

“school’s in an hour and a half. plus i didn’t have a good night’s sleep last night cause you two were so fucking loud like rabbits. wake jay up. he’s on breakfast duty today.” heeseung’s demands make sunghoon rolls his eyes as he scrambled out of his bed and went to jay’s door buck naked. heeseung chuckles at his friend’s shenanigans as he goes to prepare himself for the day.

heeseung feels fortunate to have his friends living with him in a coincidentally big apartment he has gotten. he was alone when he came back from the US and enrolled at decelis. then, jay follows suit when his parents offer him to enrol here. both his and jay’s fathers are friends and business partners so they allow jay to live with him. jay then asked sunghoon, who he click with as fast as lightning in his first year, to come to live with them as he was living with his grandpa in a house pretty far from school, his parents working as diplomats. and luckily, mr. park accepts it as he doesn’t want to let his grandson’s wings fold under his care.

leadership has flown through heeseung’s veins since his father said he likes to lead his team when he plays sports, and always properly stands beside the coach when they tell the team the strategies to play in the match. he was blessed with a natural charisma that able him to charm people, having an outgoing aura that enables people to open up to him easily. that’s why he agrees to be a student council member, knowing in himself that he can carry the students’ aspirations for the school and also using the charisma he has and the charm he develops to capture everybody’s heart and win at the student council president election. said charm captures people, boys, girls, and non-binaries, under his sweet invisible grasp.

but not all is perfect on the surface. heeseung is also someone who can’t easily commit to something. all the sports that he played back then always change as he goes, and so as people he hooked up with—but he does think sunghoon is worse cause he fucks them first and then lets them go—and all the skills he has inside his many brain cells from trials and errors of things he does to satisfy himself. people call him an ‘ace’ as he can, seemingly, do everything and he does it well enough or even above average, but he never seems to continue them down the road until expert level.

he is also someone who rebels against other people’s expectations of him. both of his parents are diasporas who expect so much of him, knowing it by lending out their money for his main living costs and rent back home. even though his job as a student council president is very much his choice, he often shed his president persona after school hours end to find himself which includes ‘experimenting’, hanging out with the ‘wrong crowd’, and doing the ‘wrong things’.

his reputation is all over the place. people said he looks very attractive and charming but they also said he is always unpredictable everywhere he goes and so is his group of friends, which he said is ‘the most diverse people that he still doesn’t know how they became friends but they did.’ he himself can’t even conclude what he really is on his own basis, but he knew he is lee heeseung, and he is comfortable with it.

glancing at jay who's holding his skateboard in one hand while sunghoon helps put a black plastic bag in his bag, the three of the gang walk to school as heeseung can see the sun now finally out from the blanket that is the horizon and clouds. as they walk closer and closer to the entrance gate of the school, 15 minutes left from nine where the first bell will ring, he felt the gaze of people—decelis students—on them, especially on heeseung.

being the most respected student in the school in both the good way and bad ways felt strangely great for him cause he knows people will not treat him like garbage. he let out a small smile then he heard a bunch of girls screaming beside them, not believing that THE lee heeseung just let out a smile in front of their eyes, earning a giggle from both jay and sunghoon who glanced at other students who look at them.

but, heeseung can easily ignore them cause he’s already immune to them. when his campaign rally for student president started last year, he gain many followers and adorers who every time he talks about what he will do as president, he would hear claps and cheers that at first were so loud that he has to use earplugs like the ones he uses for music festivals. the more campaign he did and parties he goes to, loud noises—unless on a dangerous level—doesn’t seem to bother him anymore.

as the trio enter the school gate and walk to the usual table and benches that they hang around outside the main building entrance, something that beomgyu suggests as he said is easy access to everywhere on the grounds, he realized something unusual when he counts the blurry heads of his friends.

there is one more girl, and he can see beomgyu’s long-haired figure wrapping his arms around her.

the only girl that heeseung knows who hangs out with the gang, and is also part of the gang, is sunoo’s childhood best friend, who is now his friend too after a really great family feud-style game they’ve done half a year ago. but, he also doesn’t think it’s real that beomgyu will bring a girl with him, knowing what kind of person and reputation he has as the star of the film club and outside.

“there they are, finally.” he heard jake, wearing his decelis letter jacket, speak whilst tossing the rugby ball in his hand and catching them as it falls. all of them including beomgyu and the girl look towards them as the three settle down in the spaces, sunghoon joining jake as he grabs the rugby ball while jay rested his skateboard beneath his feet, sitting in front of kai reading another history textbook that heeseung read for his previous year. heeseung leans against the middle table, his hands on either of his sides when beomgyu opens the mouth that heeseung damns.

“and this is our last bunch.” beomgyu’s pointing one by one as he mentions the names of his friend to the new girl. “that’s sunghoon at the back with jake. jay’s the one with the skateboard. last but not least, mr. student council president, heeseung.” beomgyu’s palm opens towards heeseung as he looks back at the girl after informing her about them. heeseung gaze at the girl as he can see her eyes wandering to the group of friends, the corner of her mouth slightly raised, giving him some aura that seems familiar to him.

“folks, this is my little sister.”

heeseung’s eyebrows rose instinctively after beomgyu finished his words. that’s why he can sense some aura of beomgyu on her, especially when he can see both of them having a similar tick when she lifted the corners of her lips. yet, he didn’t know that beomgyu has a sister, not that everyone knows everyone’s siblings in the group. but, knowing beomgyu since the first year, he always has a way to up someone, no matter trivial the topic is.

heeseung’s eyes landed on her waving hands after her brother introduced her. he can pick up kai’s chuckles behind him as he can see taehyun shushing him up from the corner of his eyes.

“now that everyone’s here, you can do some proper introduction,” beomgyu spoke as heeseung can see the tight squeeze from his hand on her shoulder. heeseung silently laughs as he sees her pouted lips and her pushing back her brother’s arm. beomgyu’s eyes roll as he squints them at her.

“so hello, i’m (y/n), this guy’s sister.” he sees you tap beomgyu’s shoulder. “nice to meet you all.” you greet them as heeseung can hear the best friends pair of sunoo and his best friend saying ‘nice to meet you, (y/n)’ at the same time, starting a jinx war where sunoo’s gibberish makes him loses and he can see you chuckling, resembling how he usually sees beomgyu’s chuckles.

“what class you are in?” he can hear the other girl speaks behind him, pitch raised to a question.

he sees you open your phone, your thumb busy scrolling and stopping as you lifted your head from your phone with pursed lips. “i’m in class 2-2.”

“yes!” sunghoon exclaimed as he can hear a smack coming from where his voice from, either coming from jake or jay or both.

“you’re in the same class as sunghoon, jay, and i. you can sit beside me since i don’t have a seatmate.” taehyun replied as you nod at the silver-haired boy’s words.

“if you don’t mind me asking, why did you move here?” heeseung listens to jake’s bright voice. he glances at his friends behind him as he sees their eyes on you with a lingering sense of bewitching, something that he noticed when the gang met beomgyu for the first time too.

“i was suspended cause my school had a food fight where i was the first one to get hit so...” your eyes look down at your feet as you poke the inside of your cheek.

“yo, that sounds fun.” jay lightly exclaimed as the others giggle and talked about how fun it must be to experience a real-life food fight outside of the fictions in papers or screens. heeseung sees how his friends enthusiastically ask you questions, as informational to as random as they can think. he stayed silent, observing the interaction going around him and does nothing. yet, his eyes stick to your figure and your eyes sometimes land on his. but, knowing your brother, he has to still be as cautious as possible in speaking to you.

“okay, enough with y’all’s questions. i have one more thing to tell you. if any of you, and i mean each and every one of you, hooks up with my sister. you will die by my bare hands. because i know what you all are.” heeseung’s eyes discreetly roll at beomgyu’s taunt as he observes his friends slowly pointing at all of them one by one with his face scrunched. he can see you also rolling your eyes and then covering your face.

“bruh, you lose an arm-wrestling battle against me-“ sunghoon almost completed what he said when beomgyu cut his words.

“yes, i did, but still... and especially you, hoon.” beomgyu glares at sunghoon as sunghoon scoffed.

“(y/n), your brother is actually not like this when he’s with us usually.” the other girl behind him exclaimed as he sees sunoo nod.

you raised one of your eyebrows. “what’s he like then?” you ask curiously, stepping forward to walk to the speakers but got cancelled when beomgyu steps forward and glares at the two best friends behind heeseung.

“okay, stop it you tweedle dee and dum,” he added as heeseung heard them suppressing their laughter again and the bell finally rings, starting today’s school day. he hears the scrapping on the metal table as each of the groups’ members stood up. beomgyu immediately say, “i don’t have time to introduce her around after school because of the film club. so-“

“i’ll help.” heeseung’s voice bolts through beomgyu’s words as he can see you finally landing your eyes on him and sticking to it. beomgyu let out a small smile as he wraps his hand on heeseung’s shoulder.

“oh hee, i did just want to ask you to help her cause you got the president privilege,” you turn towards them as beomgyu said, “heeseung’s gonna meet you in front of your class in after school, okay?” you give a small nod toward heeseung as you turn back to go inside the building.

beomgyu and he walk to their class, seeing other students—probably their juniors—looking at the two stunned as heeseung smile and point to the classes, which they all scramble back into. beomgyu laughs as they arrive at their crowded class still without a teacher entering the class. the others greet the two as they walk to their seats. heeseung noticed how beomgyu is having a much greater positive energy crawling out of his body than his usual day-to-day.

“you’re different.” heeseung mumbled when beomgyu turns to him.

“my sister’s finally in the same school as i. how can i be not happy?” beomgyu emphasized as he lets out his books while heeseung looked at him with his head on his hand that rested on his desk, the tiredness from the sleepless night cause of park sunghoon and his hook up still lingering from behind.

he considers beomgyu and himself as two sides of the same coin. being the two oldest members of the gang and graduating this academic year, he has observed from the three years he has known him that they’re probably the same person if they grew up like each other. the main difference between the two is how they perceive their reputation and what they’re seeking. heeseung doesn’t seek much to have a good reputation while beomgyu seeks attention to have a good reputation from everybody.

that’s why he was shocked when beomgyu introduced you as his sister, having felt a somewhat similar demeanour to his friend.

but you will not be like your brother, right?

-

as the school bell rings for the last time today, you see the students of your class stand up and walk out of the class. jay and sunghoon, who sat in the seats behind you, left first while taehyun soon follows as he told you he has to go to his club meeting, the same club as your brother, to which you nodded as you pack your belongings into your bag.

at first, you were feeling awkward when you see that almost half of your class are boys as you used to see girls fill the desk up to the brim. you still can even smell the lingering scent of their perfumes and imagine their handbags, so small it only fits a binder, that they bring instead of backpacks like you and your friends back then use on the desks. yet, all the vibes you get in decelis are the total opposite of what you have in your previous school, very laid-back with a tinge of ambitious students, just like how, in your mind, a high school environment should be.

you walk to the door while straightening your uniform, sliding the wooden door close—something you picked up from your previous school—and let your feet turn you around, ready to meet-

“shit...” you jerked as you are greeted by heeseung’s figure leaning against the wall across from you, hands inside his uniform blazer’s pockets while his bag slung by his side, the strap crossed in front of his chest. you let out a chuckle, calming yourself down with a hand resting on your chest.

“sorry...” you look up from your hand. you’re still surprised by his voice even though you heard it once this morning as he was mostly silent. your sweaty hands rubbing against the fabric of your uniform as you see heeseung’s feet approaching your standing figure.

“shall we start?” heeseung’s warm voice enters your ear and you reply with a nod, your lips lightly pouting as you heard the scrapping coming from his shoes as he walks to the same way your peers have gone from the window of your class. you let out your breath and straighten yourself up to follow right behind him.

as you walk through the area of the large school grounds, he tells you all the necessary information for the places you walk past. him telling that about each floor, what grades are in each of them, and all its facilities, some shortcuts to take if you want a faster route to the class or library, how you can sit outside of the cafeteria as you got reminded that you ate lunch with your brother and his gang at their usual long table right beside a large glass window.

you encounter jake when you walk by the side of the grassy field of your school after visiting the main hall for sports like basketball or school assemblies, seeing the flying rugby ball and jake in his uniform. jake notices you and heeseung as they wave at each other and him running towards you two.

“i’m taking (y/n) on a tour around the grounds.” heeseung said as you see jake slightly nod while drinking his water.

“ahh... so yeah, welcome to the field. we’re gonna start this year’s rugby season in a couple of weeks so we’ve been practising.” you heard jake speak before he is called back by the coach, waving a farewell back towards you and heeseung as he runs to his crowd of the white-uniformed rugby team.

as the tour continues, you can deduct what kind of student council heeseung is and what you can assume is his ‘charm’ on the people around him. he greets every school staff that walks past you two, which then led to them asking him about you.

you openly say you’re choi beomgyu’s sister and you were greeted with words of appreciation to give to your brother, concluding from all the messages that he is so good in his short movie from last year. but you didn’t have a clue what film they appreciate and you don’t want heeseung to find out you don’t know shit about your brother’s doing, so you just give a smile and a repeated variation of ‘i will give your appreciation to him’.

you also went by some students that still stay on the grounds, some of them look at you and heeseung with bright smiles—mostly greeting heeseung—and some have their eyes filled with a tinge of underlying jealousy within it, ready to burst at any time necessary or threatening to them.

“can i ask you a question?” heeseung asked as he pierced the awkwardness of the atmosphere between you as you both walk inside the primary hallway of the ground floor of the main building, now mostly empty as you can still hear faints of people in the room, probably doing after-school club activities.

“sure, go ahead.” you happily expressed in your mind that you didn’t make mistakes.

“you decided to go here, to decelis. is there a reason why?” your ears perked as, in your mind, he sounded like he was genuinely serious.

you didn’t think he was taking the answers from when his friends asked seriously back in the introduction cause you notice he didn’t actively listen, just leaning his back against the table along with his two palms holding up the body. and as simple as that, you feel something warm within you. you let out a cough to clear your throat as you then continue the conversation.

“just wanting to be freer and avoid a few problems that happened in my life back at my old school. and to be honest, i knew i was on the losing side at that conflict as the girl that i was suspended with is the daughter of the owners of the school.” you glance down and let out a smirk after your mind recalls the colourful food fight and its aftermath on the whole environment and ambience of the cafeteria again. the hexagonal dark brick path of the outside of the building is slowly emerging when you move forward.

“you mean the food fight?” to which you instantly nod, letting out a shrug.

“besides, wanting change doesn’t really do severe harm, right? i was enrolled in an all-girls school and it got pretty chaotic.” you’re raising your shoulders as you pouted your lips. both hands are behind your back as you rub your fingers with each of your palms.

“how about you?”

“huh?” heeseung stops in his track from your probably unexpected question.

“why do you decide to go here?” you continue to press forward. “an eye for an eye.” you tilt your head as your eyes squinted towards him, your fingertips trailing the bumpy dried paint on the wall as you’re waiting for him to answer your question.

heeseung clears his throat, caught your attention and brings them back to him. “basically i was sent here alone cause my parents are in boston right now.”

“no shit.” your eyes enlarge. “so you lived here alone huh?” you moved away from near the wall as heeseung follows your movement.

“not really alone. jay and sunghoon are my roommates.” you hummed as your eyes wander the rest of the hallway, echos from other peers reach you from the branching hallway, realizing you now stood at the entrance of the school as you can see other students walking out of the main gate, finally feeling your legs tired after such a breeze tour.

“we’re done, right?” you quickly said, seeing him nod as he turns to face you.

“you alright with that? i have to train the next batch of the student council.” he pointed back to the hallway as you reply with a smile ‘yep’ while looking at the invisible watch on your wrist.

“okay, i’m going to go now.” you give out a small smile as you walk away to the gate, turning your head slightly and saying, “thanks for the tour, by the way.”

the rest of the day, you sat in your room with your closet door open and clothes on your bed while you work on the homework that you got today, minds all over the place as you got reminded of what beomgyu told you this morning.

after texting your friends from your old school about you all hanging out again, they replied they can’t because of their own homework and tests, which is what you expected when you left, cause finding the right time is harder as you grow up. you cannot easily coordinate such meetings with people you are not in the community with anymore. you declare you will always get to do your homework first before leaving for the night alone. you’ve gone outside alone at night but never alone the whole night cause you usually met up with your friends by a bus stop or a meeting place.

this is going to be a new experience for you to be independent.

the time is 22:00 and you can see the lights beneath your parents’ room turned off from a small glimpse you see at the open door of your room, mom sleeping in there alone cause dad hasn’t arrived home. you gently close the door as you peel away your pyjamas and grab the night-out clothes you’ve picked after tidying the rest in the closet. seeing yourself in a lightly ripped little black dress and a denim jacket full of fun patches, you put on your eyeliner around your eyes and conceal your dark circles with a concealer thicker than what you wore for school today.

as you put your wallet and phone in your jacket pocket, you thought about what you can do for the night as you stepped out of the room and closed the door. midnight screening at the local cinema? playing games at the pc bang? meditating at han river?

“why are you out?”

“what the sh-“ you turned around to see your brother in front of his door, donning a black leather jacket with a white shirt inside, a black choker on his neck, and blue jeans covering their legs. “beomgyu!”

you smack your brother’s arm as he grimaced from the pain, him jokingly hissing at you before seriously said, “i’m going out with the gang, you?”

“just wanting some fresh air.” you close your dress with your denim jacket, putting on a few buttons on the lower part of the jacket. “say, why don’t you go with us?” you see your brother walking closer to you.

“you’re okay with that?” you let out a chuckle as you felt beomgyu’s hand on your shoulder.

“hell yeah, my friends are your friends now. just think of what it can become. the choi siblings, two beautiful siblings coming to a party together, everyone’s eyes are gonna be on us and the power that we hold is impeccable.” beomgyu’s hand’s gesture to the air every time he speaks as your eyes follow the movements.

“yeah, right.” you laugh as you rolled your eyes and shrug his arm away with your shoulders. “where are you going, anyway?”

“a guy from yanggun high host a house party. so why not come?” he raised his eyebrows.

when beomgyu raised his eyebrow is probably one of your moments of weakness cause every time he does, you never seem to deny it. he’s always done it since you were a kid, every time he asks you to join in going to a convenience store or every time he asks you to help him with homework. he always seems to be an ass, but he knows that’s because he cares about you.

“hmm... sure.”

- 

“hi (y/n)!” you immediately got hugged by sunoo and his best friend when you arrive at the bus stop nearest to the house party and waved at taehyun that stood behind the duo.

you heard your brother’s words as you pull apart, “i’m gonna go in first. have some errands to do. you three, take care of my sister.”

you subtly rolled your eyes as taehyun replied, “will do.” you wrapped your hands around your front as you waited on the benches.

“who are we waiting for?” you asked with a mumble.

“kai and jake, they went together since their houses are near.” sunoo replied as you bobbed your head to react so that they know you receive what they said.

“so, how’s your first day?” the girl right beside you asked.

“oh... pretty well actually.” your voice trails off as all the eyes look at you, the white fluorescent light lighting them and the bus stop up from the darkness of the blocks.

“there they are.” taehyun lightly exclaimed as he tidies up his tucked-in t-shirt, looking at the road to your left with the others, including you, mimic. you can see shining headlights and a large vehicle behind it as it comes closer and closer to your stop.

hearing the brake hiss, you see the last two people the gang is waiting for as jake steps down with kai holding his book with one hand. the other three stood up to greet them as you stood up late to observe them. you can hear jake talking about his practice that you saw a few hours ago while kai seems to notice you and gestures to you to come closer. you felt the warmth the small group produce, something that you actually miss as you felt that warmness all the time with your friends at your previous school.

as you all walk together—feeling weirded out and glad that you’ve technically been integrated into the group, you can see the ominous red lights coming from a few windows on the ground floor of the house. you sense yourself gulping as you step closer and you can hear the crowd of people going on around the house. this is the first party that you’ve ever been brought to or invited to. you’ve never been to one before, only seen the lights from afar and the remnants when you go outside and on your way home.

you stood near kai who is reading, instead of a textbook, a novel that you see the title on the cover is ‘and then there were none’ by agatha christie. sunoo and the girl beside him bickering about the new movies that will play in the cinema while jake and taehyun lead the pack to enter the house when you notice a boy’s figure you saw before, recognizing it to be sunghoon, standing by the entrance after discreetly giving something to another boy in front of him. he moves away when he sees your pack coming as he greets his friends in front of you and when he saw you, he stood beside you with his hand wrapped around your shoulder.

“you look tense.” sunghoon said as you both stepped inside the dim house with a few lights on. you gritted your teeth as you see all the people around your age swaying around the room and the music, smelling some unrecognizable scent in the air. 

“first time so i hope that’s normal,” you replied with a louder voice as you hope he can hear you. sunghoon’s giggle enters your ear when he got interrupted by a girl your age calling his name. you see them talking, but the loud bass from the room made you unable to hear what they’re talking about. as you don’t want to feel awkward, you brush away sunghoon’s hands from your shoulder and wander alone, bumping into some people that you might have seen at your school too and some were strangers.

you find an unexpectedly open space near a wall where you see a few people talking in groups, drinks in their hands. so you walk to the open space and lean your shoulder against it, taking as much breath as you can because of the stuffed airways you just have to go through to reach here, breathing in familiar air from the unknown smoke as you turn your body and lean your back against the wall.

then you realise. you—stupid you—let go of a person who you know and got separated from the others that you went inside with. and so, you’re alone yet again like you wanted, but the unfamiliar environment makes you rub your fingers against each other. so you pick your phone out of your pocket, seeing the fully charged battery on the top corner as you want to massage your brother about his whereabouts. but you get a 'connecting...' message with a spinning circle beside it. you closed your eyes as you reflect on what kind of place you are in right now.

‘of course. more people, more phones, fewer signals.‘

as you open your eyes and pouted your lips when you looked at your dimming phone screen in your hand, you sense movement on the back of the hand you’re holding your phone in and a cup of orange liquid shows up right beside your hand. you follow the arm that held the cup to see, “heeseung?”

“hi...” you can see his mouth move. he was wearing a black and white t-shirt and his dark hair is lit up by the light beside his face. he is holding another cup in his other hand as you peek inside the cup again to see the liquid sloshing inside.

“i don’t drink alcohol.” you hoped your voice reaches him, which he confirms when he replied. “this is not alcohol. it’s orange juice plus cider.”

“what makes you so sure?” you questioned as you can see him chuckle and now standing beside you near the wall.

“i made them.” you chew the inside of your cheek lightly, the thirst shows up when you can sense the cold it radiates. you reach to grab the cup from him and mumble a ‘thanks.’ you shake the cold cup—signalling it to him as you mix—and you take a sip of the drink, feeling the cold washes out the warm atmosphere of the room when it sticks and seeps into your body. you chapped your lips, tasting citrus taste lingering.

“jaehyuk said that i can take anything from his fridge.” your ears perked from the unfamiliar name as you glance at him after focusing on your cup.

“jaehyuk?” you questioned.

“oh! the host and my other mate from yanggun high.” he then drinks from his cup as the sound of the room gradually fades in again, making you have to move closer to hear heeseung’s voice.

“the host is your friend?” you asked back.

“yeah, he’s yanggun‘s council president. we’ve met before about school stuff and a joint festival for both his school and decelis. then i started to know that he’s a party animal and get to be invited by him ever since.” he finished his words as he walk to put down his crumpled cup on the nearest table by you two. now with both hands empty, you took a glimpse at him as he’s rummaging through his pants pocket, to let a white stick that looks like an amateur rolled it. wait, is that a joint?

“the student council president does drugs?” your voice pours out the words as you look at heeseung from the corner of your eyes. he chuckled in reply as you turn your head towards him with a surprised face. “never thought i will see one like that.” not that you had that many references for a student council coming from an all-girls school that is painted in monotone. year by year the same kind of president are elected.

“well, my roommates supply them so...” his voice trails off as he also looks up to take a glance at the loud crowd around him. “besides, i live alone, technically. i can do whatever i want.”

“jay and sunghoon? oh wow...” you gained a new understanding of the loud best pals that seat behind you and taehyun to then seeing him showing you the joint, nudging towards you a slight smirk. “i don’t do weed.” you tilt your head as you see him pull the joint back to put it back in the pocket. a loud song plays as the audio waves coming into your ears make your eyes wander the room again, seeing the partygoers popping off like confetti under pressure with their wild dancing and wild smooching, even almost slamming on other people who are enjoying themselves and the vibe.

you heard some clicking sound pierced to your right ear, the sound of a lighter fizzing, and smell a familiar burning smell. you see from the corner of your eyes heeseung taking a puff off, instead of the joint he offered, a cigarette. the white smoke he lets out is in contrast to the dark place you stood at, gradually dispersed as it flies to the ceiling of the room. your eyes wander to heeseung’s hand that held the cigarette between his pointer and middle finger.

“want some?” you heard him say as he offered a box of cigarettes in his hand, probably because of you staring at the cigarette in his hand. instead of grabbing a free cig, you shook your head.

“i don’t smoke cigs either.”

“surprising. your brother mention how similar you are back in class. thought some conversation about smoking might happen between you two.” he replied nonchalantly as your eyebrows knitted. you never assume beomgyu as someone who smoked before. you never even smell the remnants of nicotine on him before. but, similar? beomgyu said you and him are similar?

“huh...” you mumble out, tilting your head back to drink every last drop of the orange cider. “he never mentions it to me...” your sound got amplified by the empty cup as you lick your lips to pick up the remaining sour taste—hopefully it will not make the skin around your mouth too sticky—then wiping it with your sleeve.

“the same thing with his ‘acting career’.” you air quoted with both of your hands, now light as a feather as the empty cup doesn’t bother you as heeseung took another puff from your sight.

“i didn’t know he was that celebrated of an actor until the staffs at school praised him when they found out i’m his sister.” you looked around the sea of heads to see the long hair of your brother’s, eyebrows furrowed

“by the way, where is he anyway? he promised to stick by me cause it’s my first time.” you turn to heeseung as he looks at you after you asked him, tilting your head as he took a long time to answer for your liking.

“i thought you’ll probably know?” your pitch raised as heeseung finished another puff.

“probably hooking up with someone...” his words, followed by the smoke trailing out of his mouth, earned a pout from you as your eyebrows creased.

beomgyu hooks up with people too? now that’s another piece of news for you cause you cannot remember if he has brought someone home or not. heck, he asked you if you hooked up with someone when you first started going out at night, which rings the weird alarm you set in your head when you first heard his words. which then you reply with a ‘no’ and an onslaught of indirect warnings coming right after.

the overwhelming pieces of information unravelling about your brother made you straighten your spine as your eyes frantically look around the room and the specks of colourful lights on the walls and ceiling, feeling the stuffiness coming back again.

“i need fresh air,” you said to heeseung before stepping away to the nearest window, trailing your arm against the wall right by it when you arrive at the door that you entered.

stepping away from the entrance as you have to get out to think and freshen up your mind, finally able to breathe in the night’s fresh flowing air as you threw away your cup on the garbage can outside and take off on the concrete pavement you walk on to get to the party.

you pick on your fingernails as you walk to the pavement and away from the house party. what has beomgyu been hiding from you? not that you want to know what he does 24/7 but you trust him enough to let him know yours in return for him telling about himself towards you. the story that you know is that beomgyu is just your average joe that goes to high school parties. never once did he mention he does cigarettes, maybe other drugs too, nor hooking up with people, maybe he’s embarrassed, but why does he have to be embarrassed by you? is that what his friends meant about ‘your brother is actually not like this when he’s with us usually’ from earlier in the day?

you breathe in and out the night’s air, much like you usually do when you go outside every night as you can feel them telling you to go to sleep by using its wind to make you snuggle your outerwear like a child’s blanket. and yet, you seem to not be able to, feeling more hyper, like you’re meant to be a creature of the night. your stride’s pace is slower as you listen to the consistent footsteps behind your figure as you already stroll for a couple of minutes, arriving at the bus stop you arrive at to go to the party a few corners from the house.

you turned your head back—curious about who walked behind you—to see heeseung in all his glory, hands inside his pockets as you see his tongue poking inside his cheek.

“why are you following me?” you mutter out.

the white fluorescent light of the bus stop shines on heeseung’s figure as he replied, “maybe you need company?”

“i’m used to walking around alone at night.” you wrapped your arms in front of you as you tell a half-truth, used to walk around alone until you met up with your friends.

you can see heeseung’s eyes trailing your figure. “in that kind of outfit?”

“uh yeah, what about it?” you scoffed as you open your arms to show the little black dress beneath the denim jacket full of patches on its sleeves. “you sounded a bit like my brother and he doesn’t even police my clothes.” you scoffed. “besides, don’t you have a party to go to? your mate’s?” you raised your shoulder, squinting your eyes on the older boy in front of you.

“we’ve walked a couple of blocks and, not gonna lie, i’m lazy to go back,” he answered as a small breeze lifted the hair he styled at the front. you slip your hands inside your jacket pockets because of the breeze, trying hard to be like elsa from frozen as the cold never bothers her anyway, which you wanted but failed miserably as you subtly cower.

“what about the others?” you spilt out the question.

“jake is probably helping jay sell the spliffs. sunghoon’s probably fucking someone in the house’s powder room. while the other four are probably in the backyard having a few drinks and are playing uno with kai being the sober one of the bunch.” he blurted out. the light bulbs in your head slowly ignite, thinking that maybe if you’re going in a bunch it wouldn’t be as awkward.

why do you think like that? cause he’s heeseung and you are lowkey daunted by the sheer power and forwardness he’s doing in approaching you. you notice how charmed people are with him when he took you on a tour of the school, recalling the jealous eyes some were giving out to you when they see you stood beside him or close to him. now, you are experiencing his charm in action.

“why don’t we just invite the other four to go with us?”

“well, you can ask them. but, i don’t think you’re in our group chat yet.” heeseung’s lips formed a straight line as he lifted one of his eyebrows.

“oh yeah...” you turn away from him. eyes trail to swaying trees as a pregnant pause forms between you two from the embarrassing ask you didn’t consider before speaking it out, feeling your eyelids drooping every millimetre from the icy wind meeting your skin.

“so, your number?”

“huh, what for?” you turn back and see heeseung’s eyes as he said while chuckling, “you’re technically in the same circle as we are. so might as well.” stating the obvious.

“ah shoot, sorry.” you chuckled as heeseung pulls out his phone from his pocket as you can see the ‘new contact’ interface on the screen. you put your numbers in and you text yourself a ‘test’, feeling your phone vibrate from inside your jacket pocket. heeseung picks up the phone out of your hand as you grab your own and change the contact name to heeseung’s name, plain and simple.

“and done.” heeseung finished tapping as you get a notification instantly, an attached video from an unknown number as you haven’t named the other ones yet.

you see the 9, now 10-member group chat profiles at the top when you open the video one of them sends to the group. an instagram-story-esque update where you recognize kai’s voice behind the camera recording the other 3 being drunk while playing uno with the muffled sound of a hip-hop track playing in the background, flaunting himself that he won the latest round as he switched his camera to the front one, hearing a dolphin-like laugh that unknowingly makes you smile before it got cut as the run time ends.

“wow... how’d you done it, psychic?” you jokingly questioned and take a step back as you look at him with a fake terrified, but truly tense face.

heeseung laughed, and he replied, “i’m just good at observing people. that’s all.” you let out a hum and jerked your head to the side to him, and you both walk off when he nods his head.

since you knew that the boy beside you won’t leave you for a while, you decide to walk to the more crowded area where more shops are open, perfect for someone like you who just want to take your mind away from life in general. seeing the place as crowded as ever, a late-night street snack booth opens selling odeng and tornado potato, foreigners carrying bags of korean skincare products and clothing from both local and international brands, eyes trailing on the words hanging on the signs being placed outside of the buildings

“what do you usually do at night?” heeseung speaks as he walks beside you, eyes moving from you then to the crowded street full of a variety of people so that he won’t get separated from you. your hands slightly swing as you pout your lips when you walk, feeling the ends of your clothes meeting your skin at every step.

“just living, i guess. besides, what’s better than the night breeze?” you continue to walk when you see an arcade building right between a retail store and a restaurant, the arcade that you usually play at with your friends. walking closer, you can see the crane machines with new plush dolls inside from the last time you went here. seeing fuzzy figures of four girls playing with a hammer machine inside. as you can hear their exclamation, you can’t help but let out a small smile as you remember your friends and how maybe you were like them too, having the time of their lives.

you look at heeseung from the corner of your eyes as he was also looking inside the arcade. “care to join me?” you mumbled, making him turn his head to you as you heard him hum.

“sure.” he then followed you inside the almost empty arcade, feeling the giddiness and serotonins flowing as you turn towards him.

“let’s do this.” you said to him. “i usually have this battle with my friends where we played five different games. first to win three out of five will tell the loser to buy them food.” you said as you recalled all the time you played it with your friends in the past two weeks, remembering how your friends once requested a bungeoppang or chinese food like jjajangmyeon.

you walked forward, near to him as you said. ��think of it as an icebreaker session between us.” you give a small smirk as you see the competitive fire beneath his eyes, trailing your eyes down when you see him letting out a smirk of his own.

“okay, bet!”

-

“what the heck was that back in the arcade? you literally obliterated me,” you complained as you set down your aluminium bowl of noodles. heeseung’s giggle gets louder as he walks from the hot water dispenser to sit next to you, breaking the wooden chopstick into two and then stirring the noodles in his own bowl.

“never thought of you to be a fan of neoguri.” you taunt him, ice already broke between you two a while ago when he almost makes you smash the sit you sat on when playing.

“well, i don’t want to be as swollen as you are eating fire noodles at night.” you can hear him slurp the food after talking, looking at the less-crowded street behind the glass wall of the corner store. you open your phone, the battery miraculously still around halfway full, to see the 02:57 on the top.

you glimpse at heeseung who is enjoying his award from winning the game, beating you embarrassedly at a fighting game, basketball shooting game, and a racing game, as you flaunt how you mostly on those games with your friends. you were getting annoyed at heeseung’s victory routine of jogging around you while making faces as you wanted to just pull his tongue out. his laughter making smoke come out of your ears as your cheeks got warmer from the humiliation you experience. you’ve calmed yourself down as you enjoy your late-night snack as he won fair and square.

sniffling your nose, you picked up the tissue nearest to your almost empty bowl, and place it against your nose as you blow it out while peeking at heeseung who now drinks the broth from the bowl. you heard him let out a sigh, probably a relief kind, as you can understand the feeling of drinking warm broth on a spring night. you finished your bowl and wiped your mouth with another tissue, seeing the leftover red from the noodles as you wipe one more time, hoping that it is all lifted.

“you miss a spot.” you look at heeseung from the corner of your eyes as he picks up a tissue to wipe the corner of your mouth and below it, seeing it got stained as he really doing it for real. your eyes landed on him as his on yours. how romantic, you thought, just like the k-dramas your mom watches in her free time. this is probably the part where the main protagonist will probably realise “hmm, the person in front of me is very attractive.” with a very charming gaze in their eyes.

well, that’s tv and you don’t like clichés.

instead, you push away his hand and comment, “that’s... unexpected...” leaving him with an unreadable expression. you stifled a laugh when you see heeseung’s frozen state, leaning back as you covered your mouth.

“didn’t think i’m gonna comment like that, don’t you?” you tease him, feeling much more comfortable doing it again and again as the time continues. you see heeseung slowly thaws as he shook his head and moves his upper limbs while you can hear him chuckle.

“fuck, i got into the moment and yes, they are unexpected. why did i do that?” he rambles as you shrug your shoulders.

“you tell me, heeseung. you tell me.”

you both step out of the corner store as you walk to a still pretty crowded street at 03:00. seoul is what people categorize as ‘a city that never sleeps’ and you’re happy with that as you can sarcastically achieve one of your goals to be nocturnal. you gather up with other people, heeseung beside you, to see a musician busking, hearing them covering a song that you might have listened to from the top charts on the music streaming site. you see heeseung swaying beside you as he taps his hand against his covered thighs, following the rhythm. you learned that heeseung likes music and he recommends a cafe with a theme around music. you both share recommended places to visit as you don’t want to just hang by a mall. you also told him about a pc bang that you often go to with your friends, which makes him talk loud and clear about his liking of league of legends, saying that you should battle it out there instead.

your eyes wander from the buskers in the middle to the surrounding people, mostly college students or people older, seeing an elderly man also swaying from the music with his eyes closed. a few of them look like they just finished working from their office jobs and use the time to chill out with their friends or colleagues, still wearing formal clothes like suits and ties. that’s when one of them sticks out to you, wearing the same formal clothes you remember they were wearing yesterday morning.

“shit!” you whispered as you step to move behind heeseung, eyes straining on the man that is now looking down at his sleeves, hoping he won’t see you. biting the inside of your cheeks as you scowl at the man that resembles the one that you’ve admired your whole life.

“what?” he mumbles as you grip the upper sleeve of his t-shirt. as you see the now visible hand of the man holding a woman’s hands, interlocked, the woman leans closer to the man and they both walk out from the crowd across you. you slide your hand down to heeseung’s wrist to pull him back from the crowd, eyes sticking to the couple as you pull heeseung to follow them, jogging at the other side of the street.

“what are you doing?” heeseung exclaimed as you cross the street. you turn to him a put a finger against your lips as you look back to the couple who are a few strides farther from the distance you’ve established. hearing heeseung hiss from how tight you were holding his hand—which you didn’t realize how tight you hold on to him—as you see the couple in each other’s arms peck each other on their lips, making you grimaced and let out a hiss of yourself. heeseung tried to speak again when you can see the man’s head move to turn to the side. you see an alley right in front and pull heeseung in to push him to the wall, hand covering his mouth as your chest heaved.

“that’s my dad,” you said as you peek out from the alley. from the corner of your eyesight, the man—your dad—turns back to face the front as the woman talks to him before he walks away. you let out a huge breath and dropped your hand from heeseung’s mouth as you put both of your hands on your knees, chewing lightly the insides of your cheek as you walk back and forth while rubbing your sweaty hands.

“sorry, i just-“ you mumble out as you peek again to see your dad and the woman you’ve finally been able to identify in your mind walking inside a building. you lean against the other wall across from him, covering your face.

“i even fucking know the woman that’s with him. that’s his new young secretary, literally not even half a year into her job. 8 years my senior, old enough to be a big sister of mine.” you gagged out as you turn away, wiping the unexpected tear that came out trailing on your cheek. all the blaring alarms in your head telling you one thing, that what your brother said this morning is true.

you can finally peek outside again to look at the storefronts of the street, learn the road that has signs alluding to adult toy stores and love motels speckle from here to there.

“we’re-“ you mumble as you feel yourself wanting to throw up, turning back from heeseung as you lean against the brick wall. you can sense heeseung coming closer and felt him wrap you up in his embrace. your mind telling you to push him away, to not let him see your vulnerable side, but your overwhelming feelings got the best of you as you rest your head on his chest.

“we’re gonna go back and bring you home, okay? dawn’s getting closer, so you have to at least get some rest. bear it with me, (y/n).” you can hear his muffled voice as you nod. leaning away, you wipe the little number of tears that are left in the corner of your eyes.

“my eyeliner is ruined, gosh.” as you see the black liquid on your finger as you don’t wipe again cause you don’t want to smear it more. heeseung gives a small smile as he guides you out of the alley, realizing what made you break down as he can see the neon red signs decorating the buildings in this street specifically.

you both ride the bus to the bus stop nearest to your home. heeseung sits next to you as you lean your head against the glass window, him telling you he can bring you home as he knows where your house is cause he has been there a few times for group homework, maybe you were busy in your room or your previous schools to notice him ever entering your home. it’s already a few minutes after 04:00 when you can see the golden specks coming from the horizon, much earlier for you to come home other than usual. you both walking down the pavement you’ve usually walked on from the bus stop, denim sleeves wrapped in front of you. 

“you can stop here. my house is just down the street,” you nudge your head towards your street as you mumbled out to him.

you see heeseung gave you a small smile, hands inside his pockets like before, as he then said, “thanks for the noodles. i gotta repay you in some way.”

“you don’t have to. it’s a bet anyway and you deserve your prize.” you replied while looking at the streetlights as you glimpse at heeseung scrunching his nose.

“of course i do. especially since it is your first time going out with me and you already giving out your money.” you sigh, knowing him after a few hours that he is not someone to back down easily.

“i’m just gonna go back okay?” you point to your street as heeseung nods, strolling down the streets backwards.

“see you at school, i guess?” you spoke.

“yeah...” he replied and you turn around to walk home when you heard heeseung’s voice again.

“welcome to decelis, (y/n).” your head looks back to his standing figure and you give a thumbs-up before continuing your stroll home. 

colours of purple meet orange as you arrived at your abode. as it is too early for mom to wake up and usually unlock the front door by then, you lifted the vase beside the door where a spare key lies. you heard the clicks of the door lock unlocking and carefully pushes it open so that the hinges won’t sound much. you put the spare key back beneath the vase as you pull off your shoes. the main front door key hangs from the hanger along with other keys as pick it up to lock the door again and place it back in its place, leaving it as if you didn’t move it at all. 

you walked up the stairs and walk to your brother’s room, wanting to vent out what you found. resting your head against his door to hear his snores instead, sleeping peacefully, cause he didn’t know how big the scope of your family affairs is because of your dad. you decide to let him sleep, maybe still tired after hooking up with someone like what heeseung predicts he did, and walk to your room.

you charge your phone, now near empty as you pull off your jacket and clean your make-up in front of the mirror on your vanity, seeing the remnants of your tear-stained cheeks with the smeared eyeliner on your lower lash. you remove them gently as you can see your bare face beneath the light from your bedside table. you smooth out the bags under your eyes from the swell and the dark circles as you see them sunk into your skull. your ears perked up as you heard the front door close. your dad’s home.

you don’t know why but you got a nagging feeling that he will come into your room, so you climbed into your bed and cover your body with your duvet so your head is the only part sticking out, still wearing the clothes you went out with your denim jacket thrown underneath the duvet as you don’t want to change at all. you meet the coldness of the duvet instead of the warmth you used to. turning your head to the side so you can hide your face behind a pillow and a hand, you tried to calm yourself down as if you are asleep. and your nagging feeling was true cause you heard your door open.

you lie down facing the door, your fingers leave open a few cracks that enable you to see your dad’s face. you expected him to have remorse on his face, feeling guilty after what he did. but, no, his face is a face of a loving dad who admires their children, smiling warmly like he didn’t do something that can tear your family apart.

you felt chills running down your spine as his smile stays on his face and he slowly closes the door. waiting a few seconds, you throw away your duvet as you quickly sit up, breathing as fast as you can as you regained yourself from the amount of betrayal that is crawling in and on top of your skin. you quickly stride to your bathroom and shed your clothes to get into the warm shower, your mind slowly getting numb as the warmth consumes you, tearing it away for just a moment.

-

the decelis colours of maroon and silver meet the flags of the rugby team’s blue and orange as heeseung enters the field, fully decorated with the school’s flags and the bat dolls of their mascot as he sees all his student council members running around the big field, preparing for one of the important event in each school year: the pep rally.

heeseung climbs up the bleachers as he sees the marching band and the cheers doing their rehearsals as he goes up, opening the file filled with the rundown and what he will say later at the field. scrolling open the messages that his friends and peers send him, seeing the gangs’ group chat alive as he sees kai typing to meet up before sitting down at the bleachers as they want to stick together. his eyes landed on your name as your reply is one of the first to be sent.

it’s been two weeks since the party at jaehyuk’s house and he hasn’t returned the favour he promised when he brought you home, the favour of buying you something to repay you for the first time you two hang out. being busy with both his school life and outside of it—with some people he has been hooking up with—that the favour is being pushed behind to the deepest part of his brain. that is until when he sees you in the cafeteria as you sit at the farthest part of their table.

heeseung is looking between the file on his phone and the field entrance as he can hear the thundering sound of the students marching one by one into the field, some looking as excited as ever, some even wearing the new school pride merchandise that is sold by the pep rally committee for their funding.

heeseung’s eyes trail them as they clamber into the bleachers and sat in the seat beneath where he is at. as he leans against one of the pillars at the top of the bleachers, he can use his position to observe each and every student climbing in. his eyes catch the scene of his friends all group together, jay and sunghoon sitting first as he can see you being escorted with taehyun as you turn around to sit down on the seats.

since the day after your first day, heeseung observes you slowly moving to the sidelines; you sit by the ends when you eat together for lunch, and you not talking much until someone talks to you or you ask for help to do homework. he was writing theories in his head that it is because of what happened that night, but after observing beomgyu as he interacts in class or just overall presence, he looks fine and it irritates him as he can see the difference between you two.

but he can understand if it is the feeling of overwhelm that has been clouding you as you are bombarded with a new environment, your parents’ situation, and your thoughts about beomgyu, which he has started to understand that you don’t know shit about your brother behaviour from the outside of your home. beomgyu still rests his hands on your shoulder a few times but it has slowly dwindled as you either push them away or glare at him.

you also come into his mind when he sometimes sees you on your own at night. either by coming out the pc bang you say to him you usually played at when you want to play pubg that he wants to try to play in at or at music theme cafe he told you about when he was hanging out with one of the girls he was trying to hook up with, his eyes widen when he sees you in a long coat, leaning against a phonograph with headphones on, sipping on the coffee with the cafe’s logo on the side of the cup as he sees the LP cover of sonic youth‘s ‘daydream nation’ and its disc spinning at the top. wanting to greet you, but was too late when you slip out and walk into the night.

however, one thing has always stuck in his mind when thinking about you. your eyes.

when you first arrived at decelis, he can see a small spark igniting in your eyes when your brother introduced you and you lifted the corner of your mouth. then days pass and he can see it dwindles. your dark circles and eye bags aren’t helping with what you can be perceived as from the outside. he can’t help to notice your eyes that night as you wiped them when you found out about your dad. he can’t help to notice that one day, your dark circles are darker and darker than the last time he saw them, but the next day, it changes back to the usual. then, he noticed your stature. how much do you like to lean on something as if standing straight and being blown by the wind can make you fly away from existence. usually, when he observed very sad people, he can see them outwardly expressing themselves through what they brought or what their social media profiles are currently looking like.

but you didn’t change at all. you still hang out with them, you still be able to banter if someone asked, you still be able to focus on schoolwork as heeseung heard you and taehyun discussing the group project that you two got together. you’re there but you’re also not there, smiling with no wrinkle on the corner of your eyes, can still be able to laugh but it is not as full as the last time he heard you laugh back at the arcade and corner store two weeks ago. you’re suppressing something, you’re suppressing yourself to emote.

“heeseung, you can go down now.” heeseung turns to see the principal, principal lee, said to him. not realizing he was out and letting his mind process for a few minutes before the principal calls him out. heeseung turns to bow to him, feeling the principal’s hands patting his shoulder as he bows, and giving a soft smile as he excuses himself.

one of the student council members that volunteers as the mc starts the pep rally and riles up the students as heeseung steps down the bleachers. they introduce the moon knights—decelis‘ rugby team name—that are going to compete in the season. heeseung’s eyes observed where his friends are, jay and sunghoon who sits beside you with taehyun in the middle literally screams when jake’s name is called, jay shook taehyun’s body, kai let out cheers as his book never left his side, and he observed you seeing them smile as you turn to them on both your side, eyes adoring their friend on the field as you then join in to cheer. as the athletes slowly gather in the middle, he sees you checking out the environment that envelops you as your eyes meet him when he stood on the sidelines of the field, seeing you give a small smile before looking somewhere else. he felt someone tapping both of his shoulders to turn to see beomgyu, shaking his body to rile him up.

“you were tense, hee. what’s wrong with you?” his friend commented. he lightly sighs as his eyes drooped as beomgyu taps up and down his arms, similar to how his coach back then when he played sports do to him before entering the field. he nods at his friend before holding the wrist.

“i’m okay. just having something crossing my mind.” he leans closer to tell beomgyu.

“what is it hee? something or someone-“

“stop it, gyu. go back to your seat.” as heeseung playfully pushes beomgyu to the side.

“yes, captain,” beomgyu salutes.

“tell that to jake. he’s the actual captain this season.” heeseung taunts him as beomgyu sneered when someone tapped on his shoulder, reminding him to prepare after the marching band finished their performance. heeseung turns around and grabs the mic from the table. taking his last breath, he steps into the green grass field.

he walks with a mic in his hand and a rugby ball on the other as jake playfully threw it to him while bringing him up to the front, seeing everyone’s adoring eyes on him as he smiles and brought the mic to his lips.

“good morning, decelis high!” his voice comes out from the big speaker at the front of the bleachers and the cheers are much louder than he expected. he continues as he introduced the echos—decelis‘s cheer team—to the field to perform their routine. he chuckles as he sees you grimaced from the shock of the cheers at the end and cheers getting louder after the echos finished their performance. he asked one student who is in charge of the supporters to come forward and start the chants to hype the moment more, a few students walk down the bleachers while chanting decelis and moon knights, gathering their energy into one for the rugby team. he grins as the students come down from the bleachers and gather into a circle in the middle of the field, the rugby team at the centre of a circle as jake comes and brings him in. the other stood behind the main rugby team circle while one of the students lead the chants.

“go moon knights!”

“go decelis!”

heeseung looks around the circle that he is proud of as he wraps his hands on jake’s waist while jake has his on heeseung’s shoulders, “come on, captain. we know you can do it.” he playfully whispered into jake’s ear as he glimpsed at the ‘sim 05‘ number on his jersey.

he looks around the circle in search of his friends where eyes land on your face a few rows behind him. sunoo and kai are right beside you as he can see you talking to them and sharing a laugh. but he can see how your eyes have sunken even more than before from your side profile, your concealer matching your complexion, covering your bags. he can see the smile on your face as your facial muscles tug your lip corners up after seeing sunoo’s best friend ruffling your hair with her hand.

for once in his lifetime, he felt like on top of the world as he can close his eyes and see that everything is okay. the bell ringing makes the crowd disbands, signalling the end of the pep rally as they intended before starting the second period. heeseung opens his eyes to see the students going back to their class, while he uses the opportunity to talk to you about the favour. so he started actively looking for you from the many similar heads and see nothing that gives out your aura. that’s when he saw taehyun’s silver hair glimmering from the sun and he surges forward. as it is not dense anymore like a few moments ago, he strides using his long legs to reach your classmate.

“taehyun!” his voice reaches taehyun as he turns and gives heeseung a smile.

“yeah, chief?” taehyun responded as heeseung reaches him and wraps his hand behind taehyun’s shoulders, the two walked into the main building with other students getting into their class, seeing a few teachers who are also coming into the class after being excited in joining the pep rally.

“you’re in the same class as (y/n), right?” heeseung sees taehyun nod as they walk inside the main hallway to reach the flight of stairs to each of their class’s floors.

“she’s my seatmate,” taehyun continues answering.

“then have you seen her sleep before in class or something like that?” he asks in a sing-song matter, making taehyun chuckle as he answered.

“yeah. she will do that after telling me she will take photos of my notes and she asks me to wake her up after class. she’s been doing that for days now.” taehyun pursed his lips as he looks to the hallway where the students in his year are scurrying away. heeseung nods as if he might have the right theory about you. the sunken eyes, the dark circles. things must have made you this way, things that you are repressed to talk about.

taehyun told heeseung he needed to leave as he remembers he has to present for today’s class, leaving heeseung solo as his class is going to start in a minute. heeseung fishes out his phone from his pocket and scroll to see your contact. his lips pouted as he type a message to you, sending it as he walked the steps of the stairs to his class.

to (y/n): we should meet up tonight. going to repay you like i told you that week.

-

feeling fresh because of the naps that you got in the classroom and back home, you walk to cafe 95, the cafe as heeseung says in the message ‘where our groups usually hang out outside of school and parties.’ you look inside to the warm lighted cafe with plants on the windowsill, the booths having colourful plaid patterns on it and a homey look.

looking in the booths and seats by the wall, you see heeseung sipping on a mug with an ashtray on his table and a faint white smoke leaving from it. he lifted his head as he heard the chime of the bell as the entrance door opened with you pushing it. you can see him smirking from how the corner of his large eyes curve as you walk to his booth. the waitress came to give you the menu. but as you can smell the aroma of the tea he was sipping, it makes you want to order one too.

you see the waitress gives you a warm smile as you ordered an earl tea of your own and you walk to the booth where he is sitting, leaning your hand against the other seat, your eyes resting on the ashtray where his cigarette rested as you see a leftover plate of french fries beside the other two. his eyes now rested on yours. you can see his hoodie hugging his figure in the right place, which makes him look like he has a very comfortable time.

“i hope you feel comfortable talking about things now. it’s only us and the waitress here,” he added, making you furrow your eyebrows from the unexpected info dump.

“i thought you only invite me to repay me.” you sit down and repair your outfits, smoothing them down so it flows well.

“that and checking up on you,” he replied. you shook your head as you nip your lips and the insides of your cheek. you rest your hand in front of you on top of the table, having no words to reply to the person in front of you, hoping that he is not talking about what you are thinking about.

“been seeing you struggling for a bit.” you raised your eyebrows at him as he puts his picks the cig in the ashtray up, flicking the ash at the front off as you see it land in the shallow glass.

“i don’t know if it’s because of what happened weeks ago or not. but, i’m sorry for saying this, i can see that you’re feeling distressed. agitated.” he took a drag of his cigarette and let the smoke out of his mouth as it reaches you across from him.

you let out your breath and your shoulders sag down naturally. so, he noticed, huh? of course he did as you recall what he said that night about how good of an observer he is. you were actually feeling glad when you notice that everyone in your friend group doesn’t notice you slowly deteriorating at a slow pace, even your brother doesn’t notice and treating you normally. maybe because you hid so well or maybe he’s just acting so well that he doesn’t want to comment on it because you know that he knew you well and your ticks when you are happy, angry, or sad.

but, from the deepest part of your heart, you wanted someone to comment about it, comment about how much quieter you are, comment on why are you sighing so much, but you didn’t expect it to be heeseung, a boy who you just met less than a month ago. maybe him seeing you feeling vulnerable after looking at your father kissing his younger secretary made him know how you are right now.

your train of thought got cut off by the waitress serving the cup of tea you ordered and as soon as she placed it in front of you, you immediately hug the mug with your hands feeling the warmth spreading in your palm as you were trying to not make them cold by the spring wind, clenching the mug tightly but not too tight as you don’t want to break it and hurt yourself. clenching it as you have no choice but to actually tell the boy in front of you the truth.

“okay, yeah, you’re right. i’m feeling distressed now and i want to let it out but my close friends from my previous school are too busy with their own exams, then i’ve started to lose trust in my brother because he is not what he seems in my head and it’s just-“ you take a sip of the warm tea as it warms you from the inside too, now knowing that heeseung actually wants to listen to you but you had to do something about it, cause you being vulnerable in front of him isn’t enough for him to pick your mind apart.

“but what’s in it for me, though? you’re gonna hear a shit ton of baggage for me but i don’t have a scoop on your baggage.” you tilt your head as you playfully turn the mug in your hands.

“an eye for an eye.” the corner of your mouth lifted as he said the sentence you said to him that day when he gave you the tour of the school. regretting that you haven’t done the same thing with your brother when you establish your sibling bond.

“i will give out my baggage if you let out yours.” you let out a scoff as you think twice about the boy in front of you. “heck, maybe you don’t have any baggage at all having this perfect balance of life. the sad thing is, not every teen is like you heeseung.” you lightly snapped at him as you continue drinking your tea, observing the observer as he look down at his cig where smoke still comes out from and then look up at you, his fingers playing with the cigarette he holds in between them as you waited.

“deal. and for your comfort, i’ll do it first.” your eyes widen as you see him snuff out his cigarette, letting the remaining of his leftover fall into the shallow ashtray. he straightens up his sitting posture as he put both of his elbows on the table, naturally leaning forward because of the gravity. the hood on his head rested perfectly as the front part of his hair reflects the warm glow coming from the majority of yellow lights inside the cafe and he took a deep breath.

“so... context for you, both of my parents are korean diasporas currently living in boston, massachusetts. i have an older brother who is studying in a freaking ivy league college.” his voice riles up as he goes.

“you know the typical asian tiger parents stereotype, right? yes, i can say that my parents are one of the real-life examples and i’m-“ he took a breather as he looks down at his lap. you observed him behind your white smoke coming from the ceramic mug, seeing him think and his expression ever changing as he seems to stop himself to recalibrate his brain and you can see a solemn expression on his face.

“i just realized i’m not great at any shit. maybe you don’t know because you’re new, but you can see everyone expects so much from me and i just can’t meet their expectations.” his voice was now low and stern, giving the serious aura of the talk between the two of you.

“i like to lead people, been leading people since i lived in the US when i played sports. and i want to emulate that heeseung to student council cause i’m not interested in sports anymore. but, i realized that even though being on the student council is my choice, i did it as i want my parents to be proud of me just like how they are proud that my brother studied in the most prestigious college in the world.” he lets out small chuckles as he bobbed his head, seeing his lips curved up a little from the bittersweet realization he lets out to you.

“sometimes i’m jealous of jake who knows sports is integral to his life, or kai who knows his role as the smart one of the group and member of the debate club. i... uh.. haven’t found the one thing i really enjoy myself doing and want to do in life, to be honest with you. i’ve contemplated quitting student council a few times since the first year and when i’ve become the president.” he pouted his lips as you listen, not wanting to let the information go as you want to genuinely try to help him.

“but then i realize how big my responsibility is. i have around one month left of my term so i’m making the most of it, leaving a legacy of my year’s council behind before going to live the ‘real life’.” he lets out a big sigh as he rubs his cheeks with the backside of his hands, looking up from the table to you as you continue drinking your tea little by little.

you internalize all the baggage he has put on the conveyor belt to examine, having a tiger parent that might expect so much from him, him not satisfied with what he is doing as he seems like he is lost in life, analyzing how big the scope is of his struggle. but you found a similarity between your problems and his that sticks out like a sore thumb.

expectations.

“i had trouble sleeping because of expectations.” you spoke as you let out a small smile. “culminating stress because of pressure from the environment, not adapting as quickly as i want, adults around me lowkey emanating expectations: teachers and immediate families, feeling like i don’t have enough time to fulfil everything both to work and relief myself. i’m glad my parents were pretty slack with beomgyu and i regarding achievements. but knowing what happened and what you witness that night with me, i wonder if i’m not enough of a daughter to my dad. if my family, a small family of four, is not enough for him to just stray away and cheated on my mother with his own secretary...” your voice trails off as heeseung scrunch his nose at your answer. you let go of the mug filled half-full of tea and rub your hands against the fabric of your outfit because of the sweat that formed on your palms.

“so i take advantage of those two weeks of transitioning from my old school to decelis. every night i go out, scouring the nooks and crannies of seoul, always finding new things to discover at night that you can’t see during the day. but i never thought that it was enough to just go out for one night, so i started to do it multiple times in a week until i decide to do it every day starting from the second week.” knowing that you have made a bridge between your feelings to heeseung, you wanted to let him see the toll it gives your body. so, you smoothly rub away the thick concealer underneath your eyes, slowly showing the darkness beneath it, even though not completely bare. you poked your tongue inside your cheeks as you show it to him, seeing him looking at you.

“i noticed the bags under your eyes too.” heeseung mumbled as you point at them while smiling. “sometimes you wear a thinner layer than you usually wore at school.” you let out a small giggle as you remember the day that happened.

you overslept one day after taking a shower and putting on your uniform; didn’t realize it after the notification telling you to remember to drink makes a vibration on top of your wooden vanity. panic comes because you haven’t put your make-up on, you only put a few dabs of concealer beneath your eyes and rub them, at least covering them up so it doesn’t look as worse than they should. that day was the first time your mom commented on how tired you look—before the men in your house step down to the dining table—she gives you a few pieces of candies in the jar that she usually took, saying that making you feel sugar rush can help you look fresh enough to tackle the day.

at first, you were nervous if any members of the gang noticed how you look cause your brother didn’t give any comment, but they didn’t. so as the school day ends, you celebrate by buying a lemonade on your way back from school. then you found heeseung notice right now, leaving you only to chuckle at yourself.

you see heeseung smile fades as he opens your mouth to say what is nagging in his mind.

“why don’t you tell it to your brother?” he asked as you blink your eyes rapidly, your lips now in a straight line.

why don’t you tell him? that because you’ve been thinking twice about him, as all the information you’ve gotten about your brother is rubbing you the wrong way. what heeseung told you that night that he smokes and thinking you might do it as well as beomgyu told him how similar you are—maybe he has tried harder drugs other than nicotine or weed—or when heeseung can nonchalantly say your brother is hooking up with people while he’s gone. but then, you realized you don’t know him at all outside of the older brother persona he has to you, how you can openly say everything to him, but he doesn’t do it to you. how he seems to lie down rules, remembering that he said you cannot date his friends, which irks you. as it all unravels, that’s how you become uneasy.

“i... ever since i arrived at decelis and what you and your friends hint to me about my brother. i realized he hasn’t been what i expected him to be. he is sweet, very caring to me. but i felt like i didn’t know him enough. i used to tell everything to him yet he doesn’t give it back to me. that’s why i’m telling you to give out your baggage too.” you look towards him as he lets out a plain stern face, silently nodding as you drink from the mug again. looking at your brother’s friend that seems to know him better than you do, you’re curious about what kind of person your brother is.

“i want to talk about beomgyu too, you know. as someone who is in the same year and class as him. maybe you know something i don’t...” you heard him sigh again, a heavier one this time. you didn’t want to press forward if it is too uncomfortable for him. but you wanted to know, you needed to know, so you can at least talk to him the right way regarding your familial affair. this is where you needed each other, but he always seems to think that everything’s fine.

“your brother... it’s just very complicated with him. he is a very complex person, much more complex than i am than i even thought. i used to consider that we are different sides of the same coin. mine has the simple carvings while his side has much more details.” heeseung finally lets out. your resting face slowly frowns down when you realized what he meant.

“so you copped out. huh?” your lips are now a straight line as you glare at him.

“i can’t understand him enough, (y/n). i thought you can since you’re the only person he seems to truly care about.” you nodded as you look down, all the stress of unanswered questions bubbles up and burst as you felt the tears that slowly trailing tears down your cheek. you gently wipe it away with away as you grab the only clean sheet of tissue on the table.

“sorry...” you said as you cleared your throat with a few coughs. “beomgyu’s the one that broke the news to me about my dad, i-“ you tasted the venom on your tongue. “i literally slept like 3 hours in the past 48 so...” you gulped down your saliva to stop yourself from rambling, you drink the now lukewarm tea, gulping until it is less than half of the cup.

“i have so many things on my mind. if he truly is what you thought he is, then why hide those stuff from me, the only person you said he cares about?” you sigh and continue drinking down the mug until the last drop. “maybe that’s why he treated me like a little girl who doesn’t know shit and the darkness in life. i hated when he took me not seriously.” you lean against the cushion of the booth as you set your mug down, gritting your teeth from the frustration.

you cover your face and rub your eyes, still feeling thirsty but you don’t want to interrupt the entire atmosphere. you see the blurry figure of the waitress that takes your orders before putting down a glass of water and a few sheets of tissue.

“the water’s on the house.” you heard her whisper as she left. you uncover your face as you grab the water the girl gave you, mouth a silent ‘thank you’ to her as you see her smile and continue doing her work at the cashier. you were glad that you three are alone because of how late it is.

“it’s okay, let it out.” you turn your head towards heeseung as you hear him say. you glance at how his face changes from the more stern-looking one to a concerned one. gripping the ends of your long sleeves, you can sense the tears forming from the corner of your eyes. all the air in the balloon that is you slowly flow out as you feel the tear falls. you slowly burst, feeling your body shake as your now uncontrollable sobs fills the air between you. you see from your blurry eyes as heeseung stood up and walks to your booth, sitting down next to you, guiding you to let your tears fall onto his shoulder, slowly patting your back as your body lightly shook from the sobs.

“fuck, my eyes gonna be so swollen and my eye make-up is melting now.” you complained as you grab another sheet of tissue and let your snot out, “sorry...” you look away from him as you grip the tissue.

“that’s fine. we have those days, you know?” you let out a giggle as you nuzzle your swollen eyes with the tissue. you see him resting his head on the cushion as he lets you let out the vomit of words and ramble on the things that are going in your head, him replying as little as possible to let you say your things. and then he tells you about the stories of how the gang met, all the main eight guys clicking with each other and then sunoo brings his best friend into balance the male-dominant gang with a female dynamic, him telling you how they once went to namsan tower together and beomgyu, out of all people, suggesting to buy the lock from the shop and write each of their name on the lock. a whole page of wholesome memories that you wanted to question your brother as to why he won’t tell them to you.

time pass as the clock strikes 00:00 as you see on your phone then forward to the empty street of your neighbourhood, silently yawning. you felt a nudge on your shoulder and see heeseung’s figure walking past you in a joking manner, his bigger strides against yours have to make you jog to nudge your shoulder against his. you heard him scoff with his hands inside his pockets. his hood fell behind his head as the streetlight illuminate his dark hair.

“that was fun,” you commented as you walk beside him.

“really?” he asked with a raised eyebrow to you.

“yeah...” you look towards him as the streetlight illuminates his face with a grin on it. you see your house’s silhouette and beomgyu’s dimly lit room from his window. as you look forward, you took a breath to brace yourself as you turn back towards heeseung.

“you don’t have to bring me to the front door.” heeseung nods as you walk in front of him before turning around, seeing him in all his glory. you gained the courage to step towards him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “good night.” you replied as you pout and turn around to walk down your street.

“(y/n), wait,” he exclaimed, and you paused your movement.

“can we do this again?” you glance back and found heeseung giving you a warm smile. “i’ll make sure you’re home at midnight. didn’t want to halt your deprivation progress from today.” you lightly giggle, remembering him giving his home remedies to help with your sleep deprivation. he offered you to smoke weed, and you answered with a light smack on his wrist, making him remember you don’t smoke weed, and then him telling also suggested documentaries or lo-fi playlists on youtube, receiving recommendations of what channels to subscribe to.

“sure, same spot at cafe 95. loving what they served.” you turned around and replied.

you stride forward, coming nearer, and nearer to the usual house that you’re not familiar with seeing in the night setting as you used to see it only in dawn and day when you see a car’s headlights in front of your house turning off and a dishevelled figure coming out. you hid behind your neighbour’s bushes to see your dad fixing his suit up and walk to the entrance. you sneak as quietly as possible and see his back, the collar of his shirt underneath his suit looking like he has to hastily wear his clothes, much different from the sleek-looking dad you see every time at breakfast.

he opens the door of your house as he fixes his collar where you can see the lipstick mark on his white shirt collar. you bit your lips, hiding behind your fence when you see him turning around to close the door. you stare at the empty street as you count to 30, guessing by 30 seconds that your dad is in his room. you look back towards the way you came from and see nothing. maybe heeseung left right after you split up.

you walk to the door and open it gently with the spare key from the vase. the dim lights greet you and you can hear the closing sound of the door upstairs, as gentle as you did with the front door. after placing the spare key back under the vase and locking it with the main key, you gently walk on the floor, scared that either a creak or thud will somehow wake your parents up. arriving at the top of the stairs, you can hear something coming from your parents’ room and the familiar sound of them kissing when you near their door, the urge to throw up rises in your chest. you turn back and quickly enter your room, changing your outfits as fast as possible and lying on your bed.

you can hear the whine coming from the other wall, knowing what your parents might be doing, and cover your entire body under the duvet, not bearing to hear such actions by such a disgusting person. you close your eyes as you can hear creaking sounds and thuds deafening by the wall, closing your ears with your other pillow, hoping that sleep will finally come to you. and you smiled when you finally sense that it has come to you after a long time of not meeting it this early.

-

picking up your backpack as you heard the last bell of the day, you step out of the class with taehyun right in front of you, holding his trusty camera as he strolls through the crowd that, amazingly, part ways for the two of you. weirdly... so, you follow him as you see your fellow students go outside of the school when you heard someone calling your name, meeting the last person you want to see today after spending an entire morning with.

“(y/n)!” beomgyu’s voice booms as he emerges from a crowd where you can see the lights and tangles of wires on the bricks. you give a small smile as your brother approaches you, sunoo and his best friend waving at you from behind him while holding what you presume are scripts. beomgyu pats taehyun’s shoulder as he walks past him, now much far away as you can observe him putting his camera in his bag while picking a filming camera, which he said to you when you asked about the film club and what they are shooting before is a 16mm film one.

you felt your brother’s arm wrapping around your shoulder and you can feel him kissing your head, making you immediately grimace as you push away from him, his laughter annoys you. “i swear, beom. if you do this again...”

“so what?” he widens his arm as you can hear his name get called by someone sitting on the chair with a few people around them, the one sitting has a ‘director’ plate behind it as you take a glimpse of a girl, you presume is the main lead waits with her arms around her script and another girl by her side who points to the paper on her hand, pursuing her lips as she looks at your way.

“duty calls,” beomgyu said, walking away backwards. you gave a small goodbye wave to him as he walks back to the shooting set and disappeared into the crowd where you can hear the faint sounds of his laugh as the crew are prepping to shoot.

you’ve been thinking multiple times about your brother after hanging out with heeseung some nights when you can’t seem to fall asleep, conversing about each of your new friends in that same booth at cafe 95 when he first invited you. you have never seen beomgyu brag about you or even let you meet his film club friends, which is strange knowing that he actually brags about you in class like what heeseung said. or heeseung telling you behaviours that your brother seems to possess like the likes of wanting to know everything about other people—making you question what he asked you multiple times—or his habits of annoying people for his joy.

because of that, you realized how he has so many tricks to trick your mom every time you need his help in going home. other than a radio, he has distracted her by talking to her as she cooks while brushing his teeth, or even getting into a banter so loud in the morning with your dad that she can’t help but give in while still being able to listen to her muffled daily news. you never realized how patient your mom is, suppressing her discomfort almost every morning because of your brother’s shenanigans for you, and you don’t want her to feel pain again if you told her about dad.

turning your eyes away from the film club to walk to the gate, you see a group of student council members and what you can deduct is the next people that will become student council members on the other side of the film club shoot, heeseung’s figure stood there as he observes his juniors, wearing his full and proper uniform to showcase the others at how they wear theirs. his trailing eyes also look out to the other students walking out of the buildings and you met his eyes, the corner of your lips lifted slightly as you give him a nod, knowing beomgyu and your other friends are right across you, telepathically reminding him with your eyes to ‘not forget tonight like texted you in the first period.’

he doesn’t forget the night indeed when he picks you up at cafe 95 and brought you to your usual arcade, playing a few rounds of tekken where the one that loses the most will be the one that buys the food like you did when you first going out with him. he hooted as he realized he won again for three consecutive times, making you roll your eyes as your savings decrease yet again. now him suggesting to eat at a street food kiosk for a midnight snack instead of the few restaurants he suggested for the last two, silently thanking him for thinking about your money.

another two weeks have passed since you start regularly meeting up with heeseung at night and you never felt better. your friends from the previous school don’t seem to notice how rarer have you all gone together, maybe because it’s either they have more homework than yours or you lying to them so you can meet heeseung instead. you notice your eyes aren’t as puffy as before, which you owe to heeseung who always has his remedy for helping you to sleep like talking about boring things such as his final projects while drinking tea. he once offers you a cigarette like before and curiosity lets you tried it. you have a coughing fit at your first drag when you tasted the weird after taste of the toffee-flavoured box he has that day.

slowly and surely, you got used to it when he offers you one and you immediately pull out a cig, smoking somewhere on a bench outdoors as the night breeze blows. you might consider yourself a social smoker when someone around you smokes, you get the urge to smoke too. you usually only smoke one cig at a time while heeseung can do three, even when you hang out with the other gangs at parties—which you’re glad about as beomgyu seems to disappear from time to time—you start smoking when heeseung lets out his box, shocking a few of the others as they have never seen you smoke before, earning a small laugh from you as you take a whiff of the menthol taste you enjoyed.

usually, when you two go out exploring seoul to your satisfaction or until one of you felt tired to go on, you either stayed somewhere for the whole time or walk around the city. the latter is what you are doing for the night, walking through the path of the park near han river with heeseung beside you, seeing the lights of the bridge and the skyscrapers decorating the sky along with the stars.

tracing the plain greyish wall of the convenience store that you plan to buy something from because you finally win a bet against him, you slowly walk from the backside of the lone building to the front while you heard him continue to talk about the confusing scholastic questions to train for his final exam. the trees dancing under the stars as you can hear a few people riding bicycles or skateboards along the main large path where the storefront is at. you glimpse at heeseung while he looks forward and downward, not stopping at what ridiculousness of questions he encountered in class, comparing it to something that has to be given to a graduate student instead of a high school one because of the level of difficulty. 

not gonna lie, you wanted to let him talk, but just a nudge or you slip a comment doesn’t seem to be enough. so, as he continues to speak, you can’t take it anymore and held his body in place with your hands on both of his upper arms, pecking his lips underneath the shadow of the convenience store. as you lean away, you see his surprised face that turns into laughter.

his joyful giggles resonate with you, making you laugh yourself as you then comment, “you talk about scholastic too much. you needed to fucking stop.” as you continue strolling to the front, you felt him wrapping his hand on your wrist, making you turn around. you see him raising his hands towards your face and feel them cupping your cheeks, leaning forward as you close your eyes to feel the softness of his lips against yours. you can feel the air and warmth around him fighting against the night’s colder airs and enveloping with yours. you tilt your head to one side as he presses more, your hand resting on his chest as you part away, his breath meeting your skin as his doe-like eyes glimmer as he stares at you.

“now, that’s unexpected,” he answers back, making you remember when you said that to him after wiping your mouth with your tissue. you use your fist, lightly punching his chest as you can’t help yourself not laugh out loud at the night like crazy, but heeseung’s laughs towards your reaction are not helping. you interlock your hands with him as you drag him to the front of the convenience store, telling him everything you want him to buy for your snack.

the balance in your life remains in its place even though each end of the spectrum is now getting longer and longer. on one hand, your life is better. you’ve considered yourself as part of the gang—the people in the said gang also agree. on some days, you and taehyun help kai with debate practices, all of you in the library trying to one up each other while also looking into the dictionary to find alternative words so kai can look and speak smart at a competition, making you and taehyun have to team up to argue against kai who is getting better and better. jay and sunghoon, who sat behind you, sometimes lean towards you, asking if you understand what the teacher meant. at first, they want to repay you with a joint. instead, you negotiate that they will have to treat you at your favourite fast-food chain the same amount as one joint. sunoo and his best friend always sit on either side of you when you all hang out, their uplifting energy making yours rise too to match theirs. jake, well he is busy with rugby practices, but you’re one of the people that will hear his practice stories like a story from a war zone, how he mentions how bloody rugby is and he plans on strategizing or for later practices.

but the highlight is—in your humble opinion—heeseung, who has been the person you lean against the most. you both have been going around so much with him you almost lost count because the memories seem to integrate into one giant one in your brain, but you don’t restrict him if he wants to party, knowing your relationship is still a secret and a no clear label. at the end of the day, you have heeseung to go to and heeseung have you to go. knowing from the depths that your relationship starts quick, you’ve mostly still gotten to know him along with the others. so you treat him as a friend when you both hang out with the others around.

how about the other side? well, dad has been more visible and almost like he tried not to hide his infidelity, you’ve seen him more often as you come home from spending time with heeseung. beomgyu, in your opinion, has been going out more than he usually does. maybe because back then you were either inside and slept early or outside with your friends that you never realized his going-out tendencies had started way back, as he seems like he is busy all the time. slowly, the facts revealing one by one as you see the dimension that beomgyu creates without including you. how he enjoys having control over people, especially your seatmate, taehyun, who you can see is getting more loyal and loyal to him as you sometimes catch him standing up to go out of the class in which you ask and he replied with doing some errands with your brother.

that was until one day when you were eating dinner with your mom sitting across from you as she told you about cute animals videos she found through social media—beomgyu’s nowhere to be found—that you heard rummaging coming from outside your front door. you looked towards the short hallway that leads to the front door. the small lamp near it doesn’t help the overall creepy atmosphere as if something supernatural will come out, jump scare you, and brought you with them. you wanted to stand up and check on it after courage just randomly showed up when your mom beat you to it.

“probably a cat or raccoon...” she told you, still with a smile on her face after the coos she gave to the baby animals she watched, facing away from you to face the door. you can hear a click and see the light from the streetlight outside contrasting the dimly lit wall and heard stumbling footsteps as you realized who it might be. all the breath was taken from your chest when you figure it; well them, out.

you recognize the clothes, the colour of their hair, the figures. that’s your dad and his mistress, stepping inside your home as they messily make out with each other, hearing the moans and groans coming from them.

your eyes move towards your mom as she looks at the couple openly making out in her home. you looked down, hands cupping your cheek as you try to strain your eyes away from the painful image. guilt rose up your throat and you silently gag because of it. you peek at the couple who is now parting ways from their own world and realizing where they are standing. your mom trembling as she moves inside the hallway to the front of the staircase, hearing her taking a shaky breath.

“get out...” her voice made you stare at her. your nose flares and you bite your lips as you can see your dad looking towards you and his wife. you shook your head towards him, holding the burning tears in as you don’t want to ashamed yourself to cry because of him.

“get out!” your mom pushes the two with her might as they stumble outside. you felt your throat getting drier as you can hear the sobs coming after a strong slam to the door, followed by a thud and a wail that makes your heart clench. you stood from your seat to see the window facing the front of the house, seeing his mistress stepping inside his car as your dad ruffles his hair in frustration, realizing his situation as you can finally see his remorse face that you wanted him to emote when visit your room back then, then his frantic eyes seems to notice you looking at him. you give out the coldest gaze you can while clenching your hands into fists on both your sides to suppress your heart from falling out of your cavity. his now face full of shame turns away to step into his car and drive away, the sound of the engine getting farther and farther as you can hear your mom’s muffled cries. you step away to grab the tissue box on the table and go to her seated position by the door.

carefully taking steps to lean against the door beside her and slid down, you slightly nudge the tissue box against her arms that is covering her face. she got startled by the sensation and then looks at you and the tissue box, pulling a few sheets out as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks.

“thank you.” you felt her caress your hair as you give a small smile. you want to see the other way to give your mom the privacy she deserves, but she clears her throat to then asked a question you dreaded but knew was coming. “did you know about your dad doing whatever he was doing?”

did you know about him? you did when your brother told you. you did when you witness it firsthand with heeseung. you did when you see a lipstick stain on his white collar shirt. you did when you stumbled upon his phone once when you went to eat breakfast before school and saw the suggestive message his secretary gives to him. you knew, and you didn’t tell her. you didn’t cause you feared what might happen next. that day, you just wanted to text the secretary when you see his phone laying there alone, saying that you and your brother knew about what the two did behind your family, to make her fear you. but the courage dissipates as fast as it arrives. cause you don’t want your perception of a tight-knit family you have of yours to shatter. you knew you were selfish when you didn’t tell your mom about your findings even though you can, but you didn’t want to see the pain on her face if you did so.

you slowly nodded as you can’t let the tears stop dropping and she coos at you, widening her arms so you can lean against her completely. your shoulder shook as you let it all out, feeling the weight lifted from your shoulders but feeling it also sliding down your spine as your imagination can hear it crack as it lands on the tiled floor you sat on.

“i’m sorry you had to go through that, sweetie.” you lift your head and pout, as you can see your mom’s face.

“n-no mom. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner...” you gulped down your saliva as you grab your own piece of tissue to clean up your tears.

“i know what you felt. i felt it too decades ago.” you heard as she blankly look at the stairs as you move your hands to grip hers. “your grandfather is actually my stepdad. the nicest man i’ve ever known after that jerk i have to call my own father. he helped risen your grandmother up after that jerk broke her. i was 9 at that time.” she mumbles as she turns her head to you. “what a coincidence, huh?”

you nodded your head as you felt her hands cupping your face, seeing a familiar spark you might have noticed in yourself when you look at your reflection. her thumb caressing under your eyes that the culmination of your stress has become is now visible. as you can’t look away from your mom’s eyes, you can notice how tired your mom is, faint dark circle under her eyes, thick bags under each of them, a few wrinkles on the corners, yet you can see the determination in her.

“you’re going to tell me everything you know about your dad and that woman, okay?” her soft-spoken voice tells you.

“okay...”

“good, we will talk in the morning. i’ve tired out all my energy from crying,” she said as she slowly stood up and walk to the stairs, climbing them up and you can hear her closing a door to her room above you. you stood up to walk to the kitchen and clean up the table, finding comfort in the moment's silence as you let out the lasting sobs in your system. you won’t sleep tonight and you knew when you step into your room to grab both your phone and a box of cigarettes heeseung gives to you—a menthol-flavoured one that he notices you like—and you go to your back porch behind the house, sitting on one of the wooden chairs as you press a speed dial to the boy that you used to trust the most.

you gnawed your teeth whilst twisting and turning the thin lighter on your hand, the call making you frustrated as he didn’t pick up. you heard the humming static stop, ready to say the words when you heard the robotic female voice telling you that you can put a voicemail to the number you are calling. you pressed the number they told you for the voicemail as you talk.

“hi beomgyu, it’s your sister. so, mom found out about dad. yeah... i want to talk about this with you and mom said that to tell her everything i know in the morning. maybe you want to help mom too. call me back.” you pressed the end call button, hoping that will be enough and it can reach him.

you pick up a cig from the box and lit up the lighter with a few tries, shaking your hand from the flame spark that hits your fingertips as it finally lights up. placing it between your lips, you brought the flames to the other end as you see it burn, letting the wheel go to put the flames out as you puff and let the smoke out, feeling the warmth of it spreading in your head.

you glance at your contacts, seeing the names you’ve now familiarized with, and absentmindedly scroll until you reach heeseung’s name and press it. hearing the same dial sound as before, you waited while you took a few more drags as you see the clear night sky covered by the smoke that comes out.

“hello?” heeseung’s voice can be heard from the other line.

“hi...” you replied as you tell lick your lips from how dry it has gotten.

“thought you say you won’t be able to hang out tonight.”

you puff out the smoke, letting it fly through the air of the dark night. putting your phone on your lap and pressing the speaker button so you can talk to him easily while not tiring your other hand.

“so, something happened.” you spoke.

he hums as a signal for you to let the words out.

“my mom found out about my dad.” you exhaled, clicking your tongue before taking another hit of the cigarette.

“oh...” his voice rings. “you wanna talk about it?”

“yeah... but- it’s just- aren’t you studying for your scholastic? you texted me you are when i said i’m not going out tonight,” you remember his message earlier in the day.

“scholastic can come another day. i have a whole summer vacation to learn that.” you heard him giggle from the other side of the line. “what are you doing now?”

“smoking, clearing my mind.” you mumble as you flick the burnt ash with your finger to the side of the chair, letting it fall to the concrete floor.

“let me get my own cig and walk to the balcony,” he said in a sing-song matter that you’re used to now as you heard some pause in the air with some scratching from the subtle movements of his phone and an opening of a sliding door.

“so... dad just barrages home with the woman. mom thought it was some stray cat or raccoon that just making some ruckus outside of the door and she wants to check and opened the front door to find them, stumbling inside.” you chuckle, coughing a little from your dry throat. 

“that was pretty fucking stupid of him bringing home his mistress when he, imagine me air quoting ‘might’, know his wife and daughter are home.” you lean back as you took in the gentle gust of wind, seeing the shadowy bushes in your backyard wobbling from it.

“mom told them to get out and broke down by the door. dad was looking back inside, finally having a remorseful expression on his face.” you shook your head as you took your last puff and put the cig out as you crouched to the concrete floor, pressing it hard to put the flame out, seeing the dark mark it creates as you heard the sound of a door closing behind you.

as you look inside the house to the front, you’re seeing the familiar figure of your brother beneath the small yellow light, pulling his shoes off as he sat on the small chair beside the shoe cabinet.

“beomgyu’s here.” you speak to heeseung still on the line.

“do what you wanna do if you do have one coming up inside your head. i’m one call away.” you heard him say and let out a small chuckle, saying your goodbyes as the call disconnected, the beeping sound of it making your brother lift his head and look towards where you’re from.

“(y/n)?”

“yeah, hi...” you replied with a hoarse voice, stepping inside the house, and closing the back door. the moonlight and the light from the main room of the house lit the hallway where you and he are in.

“you’ve heard my voicemail?” you questioned as you walk forward towards him.

“what voicemail?” you halted as you look at him, seeing the phone he holds in his hand. surely he can see a notification of you calling on his lockscreen. doesn’t he?

“do you have time? we have to talk about our parents.” he lifted his eyebrows up and you can see him slightly nod, making you stride forward and pull him to sit down on the couch of the main family room.

“first thing first, why didn’t you open my voicemail? that was the very main thing i want to talk about with you.” you hastily said and lightly groaned, scoffing from the unbelievable thought as you gulped down your saliva to wet your throat. “you’re probably hooked up with someone, did you?”

“how’d you know?” he replied suspiciously, and you didn’t think ahead when you reply, “heeseung told me.”

“ah yes. heeseung...” beomgyu faces you both with an unreadable expression. “you went out with him multiple times, right?”

“how’d you kno-“

“i know everything, (y/n),” he said as he forwards his phone towards you, where you can see a picture of yourself and heeseung as you go out of the night, scrolling to see a few more, some from the same while some on the other days as you see your changing outfit. your hand shakes because of them.

“did you stalk me?” your voice rising to a shock but you’re feeling the chills down your spine when you see beomgyu’s smirk, the smirk that you used to associate with fun but now... it creeps you out. it scares you.

“well, i hired someone to follow you cause i saw the notifications from your phone when your old friends said they cannot go out. yet, you still go out.” beomgyu leans closer as you gritted your teeth, anger staring right at his face. “you know i promise to take care of you and that also means what i said about you dating my friends.” you sighed cause it’s too late to stand down now. you’ve been feeling frustrated with your brother not giving all the information out to you and treating you like a fucking kid.

“we’re not dating and that’s not fair when you can go out doing whatever you want without your reporting to me like i report to you.” you notice your venomous words live a sting on him, which made a scowl on his face as you see him lifting his brow up sniffing the air and recognizing the smell you emit.

“he’s the one that introduces you to smoking, huh?” you shook your head, knowing this isn’t going your way, but you won’t back down. you had enough.

“you know i’m doing this to protect you.”

“then why’d you introduce me to them in the first place, huh?” you questioned, striking him the right way as you see the flustered look on his face.

“yeah, that’s right. i found the freaking loophol-“

he attacks, “you just can’t alright?”

“and why can’t i? you’re just letting me rot without having the independence to be friends with anyone i want? i have to ask your permission, first? and not even your friends?” you rise up as you lean forward towards him.

“you fucking betray me.” beomgyu’s voice got louder.

“no, you’re the one that fucking betray me. you’re the one that fucking betray me and mom.” you frown as you finished your words, feeling woozy as you move away to sit at the other end of the couch, pinching your nose as you fumed out the heated breath.

“i don’t know you anymore, beomgyu. i’ve always opened up to you about my problems. i told you about you my sleep deprivation. you are there for me when i needed you and when i told you my problems. yet, you never seem to consider telling me yours.” you gnawed at your teeth as you looked around the room other than him.

you let out an enormous sigh as you shake your head, “and here we are in this fucking mess, huh? mom knew dad cheated and when i call you and give you a voicemail, you don’t pick up like usually do when i call.” you said with gritted teeth, wrapping your arms in front of you.

you can hear the movement as you see your brother coming closer to your area of the couch, hands up to ruffle your hair like you usually do when you slapped your hand against his. “don’t do that. i’m not a fucking baby so don’t baby me anymore.” you replied sternly as you grimaced away.

“you will always be my baby sister.” his voice makes you lift your head to him, seeing his expression as he processes everything in, the stings left from your words pain him, letting a sigh came out from him. “i can’t seem to able to control you as i always lost when it came to you.” you heard him mumble and you don’t respond, not wanting to respond. then you can see the remorse on his face, the same remorse your dad shows when he got caught.

“i’m gonna tell you everything about me before school tomorrow. we should focus on mom first.” he stood up after he told you his resolution. you followed behind him upstairs as you turn away to your door when you heard your brother say ‘good night.’ you don’t respond when you close your door, letting him look at your door with remorse on the surface.

-

heeseung arrives to see you giving the silent treatment to your brother, not even sitting close to him like you used to. instead, he sees beomgyu walking towards him sitting down beside him, his eyes looking from the tray of food he brought to looking at you sitting with sunoo and his best friend. heeseung grips his fork as he glances at his seatmate, curious about what happened to the two of you after you ended your call with him when you found out your brother arrives home.

“you’re okay for her.”

“what?” he exclaimed as beomgyu tilts his head to him, giving a small smirk.

“we talked on our way to school, and with our mom too.” beomgyu lets out a huge breath as he plays with his food with his chopsticks and spoon. heeseung can only hold his breath as what he might think might be true.

“she told me how you take care of her when she found out about my dad.” heeseung sees his friend, his seatmate, as he looks down on the food, continuing to grab his attention. “and she told me about how you helped her with her sleep deprivation.” beomgyu looks up at him.

heeseung hopes that the others don’t notice the two boys right beside the ruckus that is jay and sunghoon who talked obnoxiously. sunoo’s laugh combined with kai’s blends them into the noisy cafeteria at lunchtime. how decelis can look so bright yet messy, in a good way.

“she likes you, by the way. i can see it in her.” beomgyu lets out chuckles as heeseung squint his eyes on him with questions.

“how do you know?” he asked.

“i’m her brother, of course i know. observer.” heeseung sees you smile widely at the other side of the table as beomgyu stood up to bring taehyun as he just finished grabbing his food to sit with him as they talked about the film. he lets out a small smile as he looks at how harmonious his gang look, wandering to the diverse people he got exposed to. he sees your eyes on him as you give a small nod, eyes that look much better as he doesn’t see the tiredness in them. your weight, for the time being, seemed to be lifted. he sees you looking down on your phone, hands typing on the screen, and he can feel the vibration coming from inside his uniform pants, seeing a notification with your name on it.

from (y/n): we’re still going to the match together, right?

heeseung lets out a chuckle as he opens his messenger and typing into the chat, lifting up to see you give a small smile to him.

to (y/n): yeah, we are.

message from the moon: want to give reminder that you can actually interact with characters in the series by asking right here. thanks for reading :D

taglist: @bubblejunnies​ @endzii23​ @xxunmeixsenpaixx​ @stayzentiny​ @reallysmolrenjun​ @msxflower​​

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[barbiewritesstuff]

Malibu

-- Part two of the request I did yesterday, enjoy!

Taglist: @lgg5989 @hangmanssoulmate --

Anchorage was hard to get used to. Cold, humid and practically desolate. 

Your uniform never seemed to keep you warm enough and the freewing temperatures seemed to weasel itself directly into your bones. 

Fuck Alaska

And fuck California for never preparing you for anything below 58°.

You were sitting on an overturned plastic milk crate outside of the hangar, just thinking. On most days being so far away from family didn’t bother you too much. You called often and received regular text updates about their lives, but that hadn’t been enough for you this morning. Alaska was isolating. The only person you knew here was an ass and exchanging any civil conversation had been a challenge. You know you were both feeling lonely, and it was making you crabby. 

You had made the brilliant (read terrible) decision to install social media to combat the pit of despair in your stomach. It had been the beginning of a terrible day. Hearing updates about the fun your family got up to was bad enough, but seeing the pictures was a million times worse. Still, ever the masochist, you knew you wouldn’t delete the app or your account. 

Alaska was the only time you had ever seen ‘Real Life Ken Doll’ Jake Seresin looking anything but great. But as he sat in front of you after the waste of time of a mission you had just completed you had to admit this Seresin looked like a hot mess: hair ruffled, snowflakes on his eyelashes, teeth clattering, and lips purple from the cold. 

“It’s fucking freezing, what did we do to the Admiral for him to send us here?”

“You could go inside?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Malibu. I thought I’d keep you company, clearly you don’t want it so I’ll fuck off”

He stood himself up and walked off in the direction of the recreation room. You stood up, cursing yourself for doing so and ran after him. Too ashamed of yourself to say anything, you walked by his side. 

He held the door open for you as the lukewarm air of the rec room sting your face. Even though you knew you would be cold in a few minutes, you took off your coat anyway and placed it on a bench. Seresin sat in front of it, taking his phone out and typing someone a text message, a futile gesture on base as nowhere save for the last stall in the women’s bathroom had any signal. You advanced towards the coffee machine, practically elbowing your way through the crowd of naval officers huddled by the foosball table. 

Anchorage did have one advantage: nobody cared to tease you. Nobody bullied you, simply because nobody spoke to you. You had never met a more unfriendly bunch of people in your life, but you did consider the complete lack of interaction an improvement from whatever Seresin and his buddies had put you through at the academy.

You made two cups of shitty coffee and brought it back to where Seresin had sat down. You handed him his cup and he chuckled. 

“I’m flattered you remember how I like my coffee”

You raised an eyebrow

“What makes you think I remember?”

“Because you have managed to serve me just about everything but what I like” He laughed.

You hated it. It sounded so nice and warm. It would have made you laugh too if you hadn’t been so damn embarrassed that it was true. Seresin liked his coffee with milk and two sugars (sugar first. As if that made any difference in how it tasted…), you’d seen him make it enough during your midnight coffee refuelling at the academy to know it by heart. But back then, getting his coffee order wrong and seeing his annoyed face had given you a sliver of satisfaction. Now, it was just a habit. 

“I’m sorry about the callsign” He said, staring out of the window.

You said nothing

“Why do you hate it so much?”

You scoffed

“I know how I look, Seresin. I didn’t want to be reminded that I didn’t fit in”

“You fit in, you made friends” He replied, a strange edge in his voice. Was it guilt?

“Sure, I made two friends over four years in a cohort of a hundred… I’m not exactly Miss Popular.”

He said nothing but sipped from his coffee cup

“What are they calling you now?” You asked

“Sorry?”

“I don’t believe Jake Seresin is suddenly feeling compassion for me without some outside help. What are they calling you now?”

“I’m a nice guy” He sputtered and you laughed. Even though it was at his expense, Jake could think of nothing other than making you do it again.

“Answer the question, Seresin”

“Florida Man” 

You laughed again

“Aren’t you from Texas?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed “I don’t get it! I guess it’s because I don’t like the cold?”

There was another pause

“Are we -- are we friends?”

“I don’t forgive that easily, Jake”

Jake. It slipped out and by the time you had realised it was too late to take the word back. You couldn’t deny how nice it had felt to say though, you swallowed under his gaze, turning your head to look at the foosball game. Trying not to think about how it felt like your mouth had been made to say nothing but his name.