#definitely not what i'm saying - not even in the general area of. just to clarify

[bakasara]

oh, they are Addams couples. Aziraphale and Crowley, and Ed and Stede, are both a flavor of Addams-type couple. Hear me out--

We tend to associate Stede and Aziraphale, and Ed and Crowley, right?

Aesthetically, you have Stede and Aziraphale both looking like posh Blonde White Man Who's Trouble, while Crowley and Ed both got the Edgy Goth aesthetic going on.

By character traits/narrative role, Aziraphale and Stede are the Covert Bastard who can and will be a bitch; they have both long dealt with living in oppressive systems by way of painful compromises and self-repression, always teetering on the edge of desertion and, sooner or later, called to make a choice to disavow those systems for good.

Crowley and Ed are these brilliant and vibrant minds frustrated by hurt, both betrayed in life by a social system outside their control that cast them down without a choice; they take a Flint-style "this ends when I forgive the system, not the other way around" approach to it in that they openly shun the system back, but the original rejection and its cascading effects still left them traumatized and fragile around the matter.

(Then there's all four of these characters being soooo dramatic and such a Theater-Kid-type person, so they all have that in common.)

However, there is a place where the parallels switch, bringing Stede and Crowley far closer on one side, and Aziraphale and Ed closer on the other. And it has to do with the fact that in both these couples there's a character whose job often tends to be Beach, just Beach Husband, just Husband, opposing the other character who's prone to going into High Maintenance Diva / Mermaid With Melancholy modes.

Aziraphale is quite capable of taking care of himself, but he'll literally fold his arms and play princess in the castle waiting for Crowely to rescue him, because Enrichment. He'll do it in life-or-discorporation situations, like when he's about to get guillotined. He'll do it with minor inconveniences - like with the paintball stain, where it's obscenely obvious he's just waiting to be indulged, wants the satisfaction of seeing that Crowley will treat him. He'll pretend he was reading when Crowley comes back from an argument and make Crowley ring a bell to get his attention. "Pleeease, Crowley, do the bullet catch with me even though you've never used a rifle". "Let me take the Bentley while you look after the bookshop". Et cetera. And Crowley takes to all this like a bee to honey. Follows him around the neighborhood, indulges his every caprice, dreams of Alone Time at the Ritz where they can just treat themselves to brunch and, I guess, where he can watch Aziraphale eat some more, which is his idea of this Absolutely Great Activity that just makes his day.

Ed will lean on the helm and sigh like he's Ariel, yes, but it's more than that. Painting the bride cake topper in kajal to look like him sits at the (narratively fucking ingenious) intersection of "I'm making it me because I'm never there, it's never me" and "I'd really like for once for someone to treat me like I'm precious and worthy of pampering" which reflect feelings we've known about since the beginning of s1, at least since he touched the piece of cashmere in Stede's cabin. He also genuinely swings fast between energized/manic and low energy/feelings of hopelessness, and his brain goes Faster Than Yours, and he gets genius-slash-crazy ideas on the reg. When he needed to call to all of his strength he imagined it as a giant sea creature with huge, all-encompassing arms. Florence Welch Big God Behavior. It's a big personality, and you're either enamored with it or not, you're either happy to follow him around basking in it, or you're not strong enough a suitor to his heart and should abandon pursuit. But luckily Stede's also a crazy maniac whose life goal is riding or dying for that in his Boyfriend Era until he can ride or die for that in his Faithful and Realized Husband Era.

So yeah, there's a lot to the dynamic between these duos - more than this, don't get me wrong! - but I'm VERY appreciative of this facet of them that gets all tongue-in-cheek kinda

[atlaculture]

Hi! Do you have any thoughts on tea ceremonies in the Avatar universe or do you have any resources about tea ceremonies? It’s a massive rabbit hole and I can’t find a concise video on the social meanings (and admittedly long history) or an audiobook. (Is it silly that most of my info comes from anime and analysis of the Tale of Genji?)

Tea ceremony is definitely a field of study that is both expansive and deep. Unfortunately, it's not something I'm very knowledgeable about. I guess you could say it's not my cup of tea.

The best I can do is give you some general guidelines and details regarding tea ceremony:

Firstly, lets establish what tea ceremony is and isn't. We'll go with Wikipedia's definition: "Tea ceremony is a ritualized practice of making and serving tea (茶 cha) in East Asia practiced in the Sinosphere."

Other cultures (Mongolia, Tibet, etc.) also have very rich tea cultures as well, but it seems the emphasis in those cultures is on the context and ritual behind the serving of tea to someone, rather than the tea making process itself. I would distinguish these rituals as being more like tea rites. For the record, I just coined the term tea rite off the top of my head, and am making this distinction to narrow the research that needs to be done here. ^_^;;;

To clarify further, I would also say that wedding tea ceremony is really more an example of a tea rite than a tea ceremony, despite the name. Wedding tea ceremonies place emphasis on showing respect towards the parents, with tea-serving being the ritual that shows this appreciation. The focus is not so much on the brewing of the tea.

Tea ceremony traditions vary by nation and region. I would advise to pick a specific area's tea ceremony when integrating these practices into your story.

Chinese tea ceremony is known as gongfu cha (功夫茶) or "skillfully making tea". It's a sophisticated way of brewing and appreciating tea. This Wikipedia article details the steps of Chinese tea ceremony really well. It even details what materials should be used for all the tea accessories.

The Japanese tea ceremony Wikipedia article is also quite detailed. Compared to Chinese tea ceremony, Japanese tea ceremony seems to have a stronger religious/spiritual connotation, as it's very influenced by Zen Buddhism and Shintoism. There's more emphasis on what type of clothing should be worn and where the ceremony should be performed. Japanese tea ceremony is also unique for its use of "thick tea", powdered tea leaves brewed with a low ratio of water (matcha tea).

Last but not least, the Korean tea ceremony Wiki article. It doesn't seem to be as formal as Japanese tea ceremony, but it does seem to have a stronger religious connotation than Chinese gongfu cha, as many of the traditions developed in the Korean temples.

This video and its YouTube channel are great insights into the world of Chinese tea culture.

Also! Teapets are common in Chinese tea ceremony and they're really cute! You're supposed to pour tea over them for good luck ("feeding them") and they can be used to test the temperature of the tea.

As for how it could relate to ATLA, you could have the Earth Kingdom practice Chinese-style tea ceremony and the Fire Nation practice Japanese-style or Korean-style.

Air Nomads don't have tea ceremonies, per se, but Tibetan "tea rites" as I defined above.

The Water Tribe views tea more pragmatically, treating it as an herbal remedy.

So this is just my very surface-level, cursory knowledge of East Asian tea ceremony. I hope this post provides a bit more direction in your research journey. ^_^;

Like what I’m doing? Tips always appreciated, never expected. ^_^

https://ko-fi.com/atlaculture

[thescreamcorner]

i disagree with a lot of your views on mental health just given my own research and knowledge of mental illness and the dsm-5.

i think the inherent issue with it is the categorization. organizing things by how they present behaviorally feels very unscientific. we need to do a lot more research to lean into like a sort of biological taxonomy. one big example is that schizophrenia and bipolar disorders have a LOT of overlap in brain areas, and while they are not identical areas, treating bipolar as something closer to anxiety and depression seems like a poor way to treat it, especially if you're looking from biological and medical perspectives.

i'm not as familiar on ptsd and personality disorders, but there's a lot of overlap there, and considering my own experience "developing a cluster b personality disorder" from trauma (i say this in quotations because i do not actually like the diagnostic system and would rather remain undiagnosed), i wouldn't be surprised if there was neural overlap in like, activity, connectivity. There's probably other stuff too we haven't really looked into. I feel like there's so much more we can do to look into the neurology of mental illness than we're doing as is. Focusing on symptoms too much, and even neurology wise plasticity can be a problem. Did you know bullying can change the way your brain works?! (Reductive way of saying it, but there's a bit of research on bullying +plasticity, also i'm off track.)

i also feel as though the clinical/general applied psych community could do a lot more pulling from basic research. we only get the moolah if we work through their lens (i'm a cognitive neuroscientist), so like. i wish therapists and psychiatrists would look a little more into our readings sometimes...

i've been doing a lot more reading on dimensional models, and i kind of like what it's putting down. part of me worries that having neurological profiles of mental illnesses might end up sort of labelling neurotypical people in the same sort of essentialist way a lot of diagnostic labels do with mentally ill people (reason i would like to remain undiagnosed). But I think the idea of quote unquote "neurotypicals" with tendencies (something discussed both in literature and in clinical settings where mental illness is defined as symptoms + distress) and similar brain patterns to those with adhd, autism, ocd, depression, psychosis etc sort of forming community with those who have those disorders proper. i think we could learn a lot from one another! coping mechanisms, how to deal with big stressors, learning what sets us off in situations with better coordination and less yappy narcs than group therapy. perhaps it's idealist, but i'm a bit of a dreamer.

i hope you read this and consider my point of view, even if it did meander a bit XD

It took me awhile to be able to sit and take this in, and even still I'm having a hard time comprehending chunks of it so if my response ends up misinterpreting anything feel free to send another anon to clarify.

I do agree that we're still not at a perfect stage of "all of these things are 100% properly understood", and by no means do I feel psychiatry has managed to hit a perfect stride when it comes to diagnostics either. Things can and do still get misdiagnosed for various reasons, and there's definitely disorders that get seen as "similar" because of behavior that brain-structure wise may be worlds apart.

I also agree that in concept, having spaces that allow currently undiagnosed/traits of/self-suspected people, or those who just have a few similar symptoms that find themselves relating to, is certainly not a horrible idea. Having peer-to-peer support spaces shouldn't necessarily depend on whether or not a doctor has given you the "stamp of approval," and in some cases I've even seen well-vetted, non-specific spaces that foster this in a very positive manner.

But in the spaces dedicated for a specific disorder, the language used in them is.... not that. It isn't someone who suspects they have it asking for advice on how to see a doctor, or another saying "I relate to x symptom, what do the people here with y disorder find helpful for mitigating this?"

It's often rife with people who, whether due to comorbid disorders, malingering, or active faking, are spreading vast and wild misinformation that causes harm to both those already diagnosed (possible to adapt false behaviors and receive improper care if doctors assume misdiagnosis), and those actively seeking one (may exaggerate/lie about symptoms or use key words found online that lead a doctor to assume malingering, even during real cases).

There's so many takes that disregard the medical misinfo to fixate on validating "all" experiences, regardless of when those experiences indicate a different disorder. And if that gets called out, then you're fakeclaiming every single person there somehow. And if the space is actively pro-self dx, then they're often prone to telling people that no psychiatrist should be trusted (ESPECIALLY if they tell you your self dx is wrong) and that a diagnosis doesn't matter anyway because it's all some grand conspiracy to further oppress you.

And outside of that, even when someone has similarities, traits, or specific relatable symptoms, there's times where those of us experiencing a specific disorder want to feel a sense of community with those who have the same type of experience, and not just someone who understands "by proxy" or as an outsider.

I have plenty of people who don't have a dissociative disorder in my life who can relate to certain symptoms I have, or can understand in a sympathetic manner when I talk about my experiences and frustrations. But I don't know anyone else with DID, let alone that I know is being honest about it. I don't have a sense of community or belonging-- I feel isolated. And the internet hasn't made me feel more of a sense of community in having DID, but instead it's managed to make me feel more shut-out due to how wide-spread the horribly reductive rhetoric around it is.

I don't have this in regards to having autism or adhd. Hell, I'm even less strict about my views around posts and self-recognition of those because 1. they're often found due to social irregularities that a person experiencing them may be able to pick up on, and 2. people are much more receptive to when misinformation, infantilization and ableism in regards to them is called out.

This has turned into a bit of my own meandering but basically, a lot of my frustration at the moment is stemming from the internet's treatment of DID (and dissociation in general), and there's definitely things I've said about disorders in general that I think there are exceptions to, but it can be hard for me to sit down and think about/talk about those things while I'm wrapped up in my frustrations about this thing specifically.

[jayflrt]

Ok I’m going on anon because I’m pretty supportive on SMAU posts and I have been reading awhile. The author of that post talks about specifically Asian women, however in my time reading fic across multiple kpop and pop culture fandoms,I have seen white, black, latinx, desi, east/west asian face claims (yay diversity I guess?) though specifically east asian women are used as face claims more in kpop fics (not always though, I have seen the whole spectrum). I think you’re right that using someone’s face is a little touchy. And yes. For kids—minors in general—that’s a full on no. You can post a pic of baby shoes or something. There are plenty of free/no copyright/fair use photos online of like a smaller kid hand holding and bigger hand or something like that where it’s an image intended for use in multiple ways and no one’s identity is compromised.

I know a lot of kpop fics and other genres use either female kpop idols or actresses as their face claim as well. I kinda feel like that’s maybe less problematic? (Especially since we are already using the male kpop idols as face claims and name claims for what are technically our OCs) Those are public figures and their images are publicly shared to promote content and content creation. I guess I’m saying an author could always use like one of the NewJeans girls as a face claim. I mean if I was writing a SMAU about Karina then maybe I would use Sunghoon or Hee as a face claim (no idol shipping for me—strictly face claim). So I guess I’m saying if an author is wanting to use a face then…maybe just use another idol? Or an actress? Though some people make the same argument about influencers. That they can use their images because they are also posted online for a large audience? I personally don’t know where the line is (except with kid’s faces—that’s a clear no) and since I don’t write SMAU… But if I did… I would probably use a kpop idol or an actress as my face claim—IF I even chose to have one. (I know some people get really touchy about face claims in general though because…I mean no matter who your face claim is—even if it’s a pic of YOU the author—putting a specific face and a body to yn is less ‘reader insert’ for some readers. I mean it has never bothered me one bit, even in writing if there are distinctive features described—to me it’s just a story—but some people do get truly upset.)

i'm the author of that post just to clarify!! i just screenshot that from my twitter, but that's very true there's definitely more diversity in the face claims people use out there, i just think east asian face claims are more widely used in kpop and anime spaces maybe 🤧 diversity rep is great i just wish we could move towards more faceless ones?? idk just publicly posting people's faces in certain contexts just feels a little like an invasion of privacy but i'm sure people feel different ways toward that

and i agree in the context of smaus i think it makes more sense to use an idol/celebrity as a face claim !! i sort of see face claims as like casting someone in a role, so it makes more sense to use actors/idols who are already in the spotlight and have their pictures spread on the internet because their career depends on exposure and publicity (unless of course said actor/idol has stated that they don't want their face being used for such things). i was referring to a different sort of fic actually (not smaus) but yeah smaus could be a gray area too and i feel like the same rules should apply. i've read plenty of twitter social media aus where no selfies/pictures are used at all even from the idol and they've been some the best smaus i've read

children/babies are a hard no for me :( there's just so many ways to go about it without inserting a child's face,, so i rlly don't get it !! oh yes i've never exactly cared about how a reader insert looks because i always just imagine a character anyways but the privacy issue of whoever's the face claim is my main concern with it 🧎‍♀️

[canofspooks]

Phantom Goes Cross-Country (Chapter 4)

Chapter Summary: The gang finds a lead on why the G.I.W. are in town.

Word Count: 1218

AO3 Link

Danny's experience with ghosts outside Amity Park was minimal, to say the least, but Rosie seemed to follow the general trend. They were able to eat breakfast without much fanfare. No big reveal, no battle, no building-destroying ghost rays. She just bid them a good rest of their day, and they were off.

Tucker shoved his hands in his pockets. "How come none of the ghosts in Amity were like that? Instead we always got the guys who want to take over the world."

"I think it builds character," Sam replied. "Are we going to talk to the museum guy now?" She gestured down the road, towards where the buildings began to get denser. The sun was out now, but the place seemed no more alive than it had been in the dead of night. Danny honestly wasn't sure what part of that was the ghosts, and what part was just what happened when your town's population consisted primarily of elderly people.

"No need. I've gotten pretty good at sniffing out ghosts. If we talk to them directly, maybe we can figure out what's going on here quickly before the Guys in White notice us and try to start trouble." Danny closed his eyes, and focused on where his core was pulling him to. The closest and strongest ghostly presence was calling him from the direction of Rosie's diner, of course. If he ignored that, though, he could make out something faint leading him in the opposite direction.

He opened his eyes and saw that it was pointing him towards an old gazebo situated in the center of a more level and clear grassy area. Tentatively, he was going to call it a park, even though that seemed a bit grandiose for what he was looking at. Regardless, he made his way towards the structure, Tucker and Sam in tow.

Behind him, he could hear his friends whispering,

"Is he… literally smelling ghosts?"

"Don't know, don't care. Come on, Tucker."

The gazebo looked ancient, even compared to the rest of the town. Danny ran his hand along the chipped wooden railing, hoping that the whole thing wouldn't collapse on top of them. It was definitely the kind of place a ghost would hang out, though.

He looked around, seeing no signs of paranormal activity. Not even a hint of a spectral tail. But his core didn't lie - there was a ghost here. "Look around for anything weird. Maybe it's just… underneath something?"

The three split off, picking over every rock and tree root in the grassy clearing. While Tucker and Sam focused on the immediate area around the gazebo, Danny wandered out to the treeline. The tugging in his core seemed to lead him further from his friends, and into the woods.

If that's what the ghost wanted, then he'd be happy to oblige. He walked until he was out of earshot of his friends, and like clockwork, he heard an echoey, unmistakably supernatural voice.

"So what's your deal? Why are you hanging around the living?"

He whirled around, but it wasn't behind him either.

"Down here. In the puddle."

Danny looked down at his feet, into the small, shallow puddle in the grass. There, in the surface of the water was a ghoulish face. Its skin was bruised all over, its eyes sunken into its sockets. If not for the fact that Danny had been dealing with dead people for years now, he'd probably have been disturbed. As it was, the ghost didn't seem all that threatening.

"Why are you stuck in a puddle?" he asked.

"A question for a question. You answer first."

Danny didn't want to say he wasn't dead. If Rosie's reaction had been anything to go off, maybe he could weasel some answers out of the ghosts if they considered him one of them.

So he shrugged. "I'm not super dead. Nearly dead. Like, almost. Not quite fully dead," he clarified. "Sam and Tucker are cool with the whole ghost thing, even if they're a little fleshy. I'm Danny by the way."

The puddle-ghost tilted its head. "Almost dead? How does that- you know what? I don't need to know. I'm Bug. Not stuck in the puddle, just chilling in the reflection for a while. Nice day for it. You can hang here, if you want. It's a lot safer than wandering town with all the white suits lurking around."

Well, at least Bug was talkative.

"Do you know anything about them? Another ghost warned me to stay away, but I don't know what for." Danny sat down next to the puddle, eyeing the direction he came from to make sure Tucker and Sam didn't barge in on the conversation.

"They're guys, they wear a weird amount of white. Ghost hunters, and the nasty kind. They got these weird sci-fi bullshit weapons that can fry a ghoul in seconds. I dunno much else, though."

As Bug talked, the image in the puddle changed to mimic what he was talking about. The G.I.W. agents, their vans, their weapons. That gave Danny an idea.

"I heard they came here after a detective went missing. Is that true? The guy must've been connected to some pretty powerful people."

The reflection changed to show a tall, darker-skinned man in a comically long black overcoat. The man looked like he'd rolled out of bed, thrown on a loose red tie, and immediately started chain-smoking.

"Oh, sure. The guy came here originally because of a murder case, but I think he got a little too invested in trying to figure us out. Last I heard, the boss took care of him before he could learn too much. Never thought it would draw the feds here."

"'Boss'? What, are you in a ghost mafia?" Danny laughed.

Bug paused on that question for a little too long. Oh god. There was a ghost mafia, wasn't there?

"... I mean, it's not not a ghost mafia. We just take care of each other, is all. A little community in the afterlife is a nice change of pace. What's it to you, anyway?"

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose, not quite sure he was believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. "If I wanted to talk to the 'boss', could you take me to him?"

The ghost practically leapt out of the puddle, spraying Danny with water. "You wanna join?!"

Bug was a lot younger, and smaller than he expected. Danny stood and dug his hands in his pockets, trying his best not to look like he was pitying the ghost for dying so young, lest that piss the ghost off and lead to a fight. Bug could've died thousands of years ago, and just kept the teenage appearance for a gimmick.

"Yeah, I'd be down with joining. Can my friends come too?"

"Sure! They won't be able to see me, since you're the only one who looked in the reflection, but I'm sure they'll understand!" Bug began marching off in the direction Danny had come from. He followed the smaller ghost out to the gazebo, where Tucker and Sam were waiting.

"Where'd you go?" Sam asked.

"We're gonna join the ghost mafia, c'mon."

Tucker squinted at him. "You were gone for like two minutes."

"Don't question it."

[0shewrites0]

Hieeee!!!!

So, I'm not too sure if this is something that has been asked before, but I'm going to go ahead and ask because I'm in a bit of a bind here and as a fellow Lucas stan I would love to hear this from you.

How do you think Lucas would be with an MC who has ADHD? Because sometimes, you know, they think they're a little "too much" for a person to handle or not everyone would have the patience.

But also, everyone is different and not all behaviours and experiences are the same.

I've noticed there's a lot of misinformation and judgement around people who are diagnosed with it. Like assuming it's all about "Lacking focus or getting easily distracted" when sometimes it can be the opposite. Or linking it to intelligence, when I think it would be wrong to assume there's really a correlation between the two.

Hiiii! First of all, thank you so much for this ask and for approaching me with it, I feel so honoured 🥹

I had great fun thinking about it and also did some research, but I need to clarify that I don't know much about ADHD.

Like you said, I agree that ADHD is definitely not just about "lack of focus or being easily distracted". And it's definitely not okay to automatically link the diagnosis to intelligence or any type of IQ.

I'm thinking of Chloe Veitch in THTH, The Circle and Perfect Match, who certainly came across as a bit shallow at first even though she is so much more than that! It actually made me a bit angry that the producers portrayed her that way, because I follow her on Instagram and she's so sweet and genuine and not stupid at all - plus, low IQ and naivety are NOT THE SAME THING!!!!

ADHD can also mean that people diagnosed with this disorder can't sit still and are always doing something, they may even be very physically active, which can help them get rid of some of their pent-up energy. Others act before they think and generally talk a lot.

Overall, ADHD symptoms can be divided into 3 main areas, namely inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. It should be noted, however, that triggers such as lack of sleep, certain foods and especially stress can significantly influence the intensity of the symptoms.

Which brings us to the main topic: how would Lucas deal with an MC diagnosed with ADHD?

🤍 tbh I can imagine he finds her impulsiveness kind of cute and, at least at first, mistakes her interrupting conversations or acting before thinking for her being annoyed by the people around her or just being so high energy that she can't keep her thoughts to herself

🤍 depending on whether he meets her irl or in the Villa, there would obviously be differences as I think being part of the cast enforces a certain closeness

🤍 Lucas is a very complex person, so he would really be the last person to judge others who are just as complex or even more complex

🤍 also, I think he's had ADHD patients (mostly kids tho) who came to physiotherapy for minor or major injuries (especially when you think boys and the way they play sports? That’s very likely) - which means he'll recognise the signs quickly and as a physiotherapist he'll also have a basic knowledge of certain disorders, including ADHD, and I think that's defo a plus because he understands what it's about

🤍 of course he'd have to be a lot more patient than with someone else, but I don't think that would bother him too much - plus ADHD isn't Tourette's, for example. I say that because I just feel like he wouldn't be able to deal with someone with Tourette's, and that doesn't mean he looks down on people with that diagnosis, it's just that people need to understand how difficult and challenging such a disorder can be

🤍 once he finds out what specific triggers make her symptoms worse, he will do everything he can to help her avoid them. If it's stress, you can bet he'll be very aware of his moods and how he might affect her mood if he's had a rough day at work and is stressed af. So to avoid stressing her out too, he'd hit the gym first, get rid of all the negative energy and then come home

🤍 he would generally let her talk as much as she wants, while making an effort to listen to her and join in the conversation. I imagine that people with ADHD often feel that other people withdraw from conversations when it gets too much for them, and I imagine that can be very hurtful. Idk I think I would be hurt, especially because there's nothing I can do about it. So he would try to make her feel like she's not too much for him

🤍 if she happens to make careless mistakes or forgets to do certain tasks, I can imagine him trying hard not to let on how much that can annoy him. But because he knows that she doesn't do it on purpose, and especially not with malicious intent, he can learn to deal with it better. And in turn, I could even imagine him becoming a bit more relaxed, which would also lower his personal stress level 👀👀

🤍 and the reassurance she would get - OFF THE CHARTS! He would tell her several times a day that she is perfect just the way she is and that she will never be too much in his eyes 🥹

🤍 if people made fun of her (even if they had no bad intentions), he would be so damn protective and shut them right up, he wouldn't tolerate bs! Other’s might think he's a bit extreme for that, but then again extreme is Lucas's middle name 🙏🏽

[notanotherzerofan]

A lot's been on my mind...

A lot of it either feel I can't really talk about or it's personal stuff that I prefer to keep private.

I will say this though: the rate AI is advancing if absolutely terrifying me.

Now, normally I prefer to keep posts as short as possible, so I because this is a rant and kind of spur of the moment (and also a long time coming), so I legit have no idea how long I'm going to run on this

Also want to point out before I get into all this, I don't hate AI, but the ways it's being used.

*TL;DR at the end.

Now, let me clarify, this is not just about the image generators, but everything involving itself in creative fields and possibly beyond. We're basically at the point where you can't tell what's real anymore. I say this as I just prior to me starting to write (March 27th) this I read an article regarding an AI generated pic of the pope that fooled a lot of people.

Then there's the issue that many artist were worried about in regards to losing work to AI. It's already happening, though currently in a different field: modeling. Basically, Levi's is going about testing AI generated models and claiming to do so in the name of 'diversity.'

And probably the biggest issue is people either remain ignorant to what's going on, don't care what's going on, or want AI to take control of everything.

I say of the former two (and basically everyone for that matter), you really should both learn and stay informed as best you can as this is an issue that has an effect on everyone. I also say this as someone who's looked a little further into how some of this tech (image generators specifically) work. Also be aware, just like anything on the internet, there'll be misinformation, so you probably shouldn't take one source as a definitive final answer (This includes myself as I'm just as prone to making mistakes and having bias as anyone else). On top on that, for the love of god, don't get your info from Twitter or Facebook.

Now, as for the latter, I highly doubt it's going to end up being a case of you being free to sit around and play video games all day. If you're hedging on the idea of UBI and live in the US or anyplace where government greed an lobbying is rampant, it's more likely you'll get barely enough to squeeze by, if anything at all.

Now, while none of these problems have easy solutions, there are those that are working for and in favor of people and human generated content. With lawsuits against image and text AI generators and with a group working on software that messes with image outputs I am somewhat hopeful that protections and more ways to fight back will come around.

In the mean time, I'm still going to work my craft, and you should too.

And by that I kind of also mean I'm gonna try to stop holding back on stuff just because I don't have a proper watermark yet. It's another thing that's going to take a while, especially since I'm going to be working with new software for this. In the mean time, I recommend if you do any sort of visual art you do the same thing too. Unfortunately for writers and coders, I don't have any suggestions as that's not my area of expertise (but don't take this as me saying, 'oh, ur on ur own, lol').

Now, admittedly, since I began writing this, some new info has come to light (*insert slowpoke meme here*). Apparently over 1,000 tech leaders, including Elon Musk (if even he is campaigning for this, then something is up), signed a letter on the topic of slowing down or even halting AI development. This is potentially good, but too be fair, it doesn't stop the damage that's already been done.

Like I said above, I'm hoping that protections for people from AI will become a thing.

Sorry if this seems like a downer ending, but I don't really know what else to say, and I'm not really a writer or journalist. This isn't the last I'll be talking about stuff like this though.

TL;DR:

AI is already affecting credibility and people's jobs.

Don't just take something on person of side says as truth; try to find a credible source (i.e., not Twitter or Facebook).

UBI is not an end all solution, especially if your government is known for it's greed.

There are people trying to curb some of ethical the issues from AI.

Keep creating, no matter what.

Tech leaders are campaigning for a slowdown/halting of AI development.

This won't be the last time I bring up stuff like this.

[lilliesforya]

Fall is for emo music and being proven wrong

Fall weather reminds me of driving around Pittsburgh with my friends listening to music. A college friend of mine has one of the coolest music tastes ever and plays an eccentric mix of Japanese indie music, math rock, alternative indie/ pop punk, and other stuff I can't even give a genre to. We overlap in the ‘fall out boy/ indie alternative’ areas the most. When I listen to music that I got into from them, I feel a deep nostalgia but also the comfort of friendship. 

Fall weather reminds me of working in a coffee shop in the middle of town. The smell of espresso stuck to everything. The girls I worked with wore the cutest outfits and taught me so many things I don't even have words for. They played so many different types of music and I enjoyed most, but some songs that played more frequently than others are tinged with memories of broken cash registers, laughter, comradery, and being at the mercy of a small business owner's wrath. 

Fall weather reminds me of marching band practice and competitions, stage crew meetings, and driving to school with my brother. 

Logically, I experience things as they happen like everyone else. However, I tend to experience emotional things retrospectively. My emotional processing time for things is longer than most peoples so events or experiences I had no opinion on or disliked while they were occurring often actually did impact me positively. I just wasn't super aware. Or I was vaguely aware but it wasn't at the forefront of my brain. Like I hated high school for the most part (as a system) because I was burnt out, lonely, and frustrated with the world. I still consider this an accurate statement. But later, I was able to process it emotionally and found I enjoyed the community aspect of high school activities immensely and it's something hard to come by as an adult. I also just enjoy being in school, having a routine, and learning. I hated working in my hometown too because it felt like I failed at establishing any life for myself after college. While this is true, I was able to later recognize I liked the job (I like preparing coffee), and I loved the community of people I was introduced to. Community is extremely important to human happiness and overall satisfaction with life;  I've been struggling with loneliness here so it has been important for me to recognize when I feel friendship or connection in my life. I'm sure I'll have something to say about the community I make for myself here in the future. But for now I just experience without judgment. 

Back to music, in my opinion, once you listen to ‘twin size mattress’ or ‘27’ for the first time in fall you have officially entered emo music fall. Once the temperature dips below 60 all of my playlists change and revert back to whatever I listened to from 7th-11th grade. It's not that cold here yet so it must be something else that indicates that its fall for me. Despite the fall being warmer here than what I'm used to (and thank god for that) it is still relatively cool weather.  I immediately want to be wearing fingerless gloves, all black, and to be stomping around in my doc martens. 

Anyway, I never considered my physical expression to be particularly bold, but living in Japan has definitely made me aware of the differences. I want to have my nails painted black, to retouch the blonde in my hair and extend it, and to wear my nose piercings in public. When I see my appearance at work I feel like a ‘deyassified’ or watered down version of myself. No piercings in. Hair tied back. No pins or jewelry. It's giving amish peasant. Though, let me clarify, I can definitely do those things here but it would further ostracize me. Also, I can’t have dyed hair or painted nails at work as it's a general rule for everyone. I'm sure there are workplaces in the US with similar rules, however I'm used to a more relaxed attitude in that department. Due to this, I tend to wear my mask when shopping in public, especially in my town. This is polite as it is becoming cold and flu season here and everyone for the most part is wearing a mask in public. But I also do it if I have my nose piercings in and I don't want to be especially different looking in public. I'm new and foreign to them everyday but I don’t have the energy for that everyday. People especially stare when they walk or bike by my car when I am driving. I try to be normal about that because I'm aware that it's shocking but oh my god does it make me crazy. There's this guy who bikes by my street in the mornings and two days in a row he turned his head fully to stare at me while I was waiting to pull onto the road. And like dude watch where you're going?? It's giving owl. But also it's rude to stare so long and so clearly!! It is very shocking for me. Where I’m from, it's considered rude to stare at other people for displaying something you consider weird, different, or uncommon.

Unrelated but the kids had to run the marathon this week which is their version of the mile run. I'm not sure how long it actually is by distance. I got to see the marathon at both of my elementary schools this week. Even the first and second years (first and second graders) do it. Also, it was not done separately in gym classes (they don't have gym everyday like we do), it was during the recess period in the morning (between like 10:05/10:35) everyone went outside and ran it at the same time. There are less kids at my schools than in my hometown but it was still surprising to see everyone running together. Some of the teachers ran with them as well. It was very cute. 

UPDATE: I learned that the kids are doing marathon practice for a tournament that's going to be held later this month!

[legionofpotatoes]

Original Tears of the Kingdom anon here again

I agree with the other anon that the downscaling is the less noticeable issue, especially when framerates are good because it means FSR is doing less work. And, to clarify, there's some real ugly FSR implementations out there and TotK doesn't come close to any of that. That said, if you are a bit of a stickler for visual fidelity, once you notice it, it's honestly kinda hard to un-notice it. It's most apparent to me on things like shield textures (particularly those with patterns) and the edges of objects (such as leaves, ropes, etc), but there's just this generally a fuzziness to the game. Sometimes it's fine, but sometimes it's like "are my eyes going bad or is that just the game?"

As for framerates, obviously I'm glad that the other anon isn't having the same issues as me, maybe our Switch is just going bad. Framerate has improved slightly after a couple patches, but my personal experience is that I still get big drops in a lot of areas and, again, it's in common situations like combat where it really becomes an issue. If you remember how bad some of the major towns lagged in Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom dips even lower than that at times, except this time around it happens anywhere. Maybe some people don't notice it as much (especially when the game is capped at 30 to begin with), maybe it is just something with our Switch, but if I could go back in time, I'd honestly just play the "pc" version instead

At the very least, definitely read around a bit to see what others are saying or just wait a few months for patches to drop. Worst case, you should notice poor performance within the first couple hours if you are affected, so just hold onto the receipt

Thanks, we'll do our due diligence for sure!

And you're so right about it being impossible to unnotice the upres artifacting once you become aware of it. The fuzziness is just killing me. And like I said earlier I don't want to single anything out here but like. Major triple-A games on the big boy consoles all more-or-less suffer from it and it's starting to become real annoying to me

[c0smicfern]

today, i find myself thinking a lot about if it could just be high sensitivity that i'm dealing with. to clarify, i definitely am a highly sensitive person, but i'm wondering whether or not that's a complete answer for everything that i'm dealing with & generally what the actual difference is between having autism or being highly sensitive. here are some things i've been considering:

sensory sensitivities. on one hand, i don't seem to have as severe sensory sensitivities as most autistic people seem to have. on the other, somebody yelling (in general, doesn't even need to be directed at me) or having too many people talking around me can cause a meltdown or a shutdown. but then again, these could just be things triggered by a high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, not necessarily sensory stimuli, which would point to me just being an HSP. i struggle to think of other sensitivities that would even qualify. i have a weak sense of smell & awareness of my own balance & where my body exists in space that is exacerbated by stress, but that's really it?? i also enjoy listening to music & smelling things more than the average person as the former helps me regulate & i enjoy the latter bc i don't normally pick up scents very well. these things could point to autism, but they're not the only factors i have to take into account.

early development. i engaged in imaginative play, made eye contact (i assume bc i forgot to ask my mom when i was asking her about this stuff last week), and woke up when i heard my name called at 9mo. i mean, if that isn't a silver bullet for any chance at me being diagnosed with autism, i don't know what is. i was relatively nonverbal for much of my childhood & especially when i started school, but this could be construed as me just being overly shy. in reality, i generally had no idea how to engage in conversation beyond the things that interested me. can that be explained by HSP? is there room for a relative lack of symptoms in early development where an autism diagnosis would be concerned? i don't know.

communication issues. i don't remember when i started having issues with eye contact or if i always have, but i know that i definitely do now as i generally prefer to avoid looking people directly in the eye too much. i just find it to be kind of stressful & disorienting during conversation. i've always sucked at small talk. i mean, it's boring, and i still struggle to think of what to say if i'm not talking about my interests. i also have somewhat inconsistent difficulties with reading social cues as i trend towards interpreting things negatively if there's any room for ambiguity. gestures can confuse me at times as well. i work in a very diverse area, and we oftentimes have customers come in who speak limited english. sometimes, they'll point to something on the menu, and it'll take a second for it to click what they're trying to communicate. after that, figuring what they're actually pointing at can be a struggle as well. i also don't generally use a lot of body language or gestures because it's not really something i think about. on my end, i experience nonperformative facial expressions normally, even if they can appear flat to other people. social smiling, on the other hand, creeps me out even though i've had to be on the receiving end of it my entire life. i also rarely do it back bc my smile either looks flat or unnatural depending on if i'm trying to smile with my teeth or not. i generally experience these things as a physical inability to replicate what other people are "performing" for lack of a better word, though.

monotropism. my mind does often get stuck on things, and i can spend most of my waking life thinking about them. after i've watched a show/movie & if i really liked one of the characters, i'll continually go on yt just to look up specific scenes or lines of dialogue with that character. is this normal fangirling or autism, though? i genuinely don't know. i feel like i also don't experience what i consider my special interests the same way as most other autistic people do because of my issues with executive functioning. i care about writing & being a writer deeply, and i especially love worldbuilding & sussing out the mechanics/concepts i need to build in order for a setting to function & appear how i want it to. i feel like i only do it a few times a week, though, just because i find it incredibly difficult to start tasks or see things through to completion. not exactly the stereotypical vision of autism.

so what have i learned? what is the most accurate theory of mind for me to hold about myself? i can't say. in some ways, i relate to the autistic experience deeply. in other ways, i don't seem to fully meet the diagnostic criteria. could it be inattentive adhd (formerly add) & being an hsp? could it be generalized anxiety & being an hsp? or is it really autism & i don't know, depression? i may not know or learn until i finish the diagnostic process. or i may never know, and that scares me on a level that i can't express.

[thinking-through-some-things]

i'm a practicing, born and raised roman catholic (midwestern american, kind of an irish catholic city but not exclusively). also i'm white, that definitely affects this

1) what separates your religion from other christians: some things are more cut-and-dry, like transubstantiation, crucifixes, the whole hierarchy. getting into much more biased opinions, i feel more connected to catholics around the world; there's a sense of community where, when traveling, i felt like going to Mass in different countries still felt familiar because it's the same Mass, which is something i assume is pretty uniquely catholic. i find a lot of comfort in the traditions and ceremonies of the church. aesthetics-wise, catholic churches feel so much more sacred to me. even the simple old churches in small towns feel more formal than some non-catholic churches. i've visited non-catholic churches that don't have altars, or that let visitors walk on the altars while looking around, and it feels so foreign to me.

2) other religions: unfortunately, i haven't had much actual interactions with other religions. i grew up in a very white and christian area, so most people i know are either christian, agnostic/atheist, or don't talk about religion much. i suppose that's a christian difference vs other religions since i'm in a culturally christian country. otherwise... in general, it seems like other religions have a little more flexibility in what you can believe vs what is doctrinally defined. (this isn't to say that i agree with everything the catholic church says/does... it's just that i'm supposed to.)

3) catholic coded: definitely rosaries. it's really weird to see them outside of religious contexts. (as a midwest/white catholic, i was actually surprised the first time i saw mexican catholics wearing rosaries, because i was taught you're not supposed to wear them like jewelry. definitely a cultural difference, and part of the reason i've tried to learn more about other catholics in recent years). i think maybe candles as well? i never see candles in people's houses unless they're catholic. far less "catholic coded" than rosaries but i'm trying to think of more generic stuff. also stained glass windows and gothic churches/architecture. again i know it's not exclusively catholic but. also big families. my friends in catholic school had families smaller than mine averaging 3-5 kids, but going to public school people had even smaller families.

(there's more i could say but i'm typing this on my phone and definitely getting away from what was being asked. also, there are things i associate with catholicism that i acknowledge aren't universal, especially to usamerican catholics. anyways if you want me to clarify anything let me know.)

Calling All Catholics!

Weird thing for a Jew to post I know I know but hear me out here.

I would like to hear from Catholics (current and ex/raised),

what do you feel separates your religion from others (both other sects of Christianity and other religions as a whole? what feels unique or specific to you/your culture/your beliefs/your church? this can be theological beliefs, practices, or even aesthetics

what things feel "inherently Catholic" or "Catholic coded" to you?

if you don't mind, would you also include what subset of Catholicism you are/were raised in (Roman, Byzantine, Irish, Opus Dei, etc)?

As you may have guessed, this is for research, and I personally only have experience with Roman Catholicism (and limited experience at that, more cultural than truly religious). I would love to hear from a larger subset of people. My family is extremely Italian Catholic but that's just one very specific version, and I don't have much/any experience with any others. I'm curious to see what the common ground is.

Reblogs/signal boosts are appreciated as I doubt I have like a SUPER broad Catholic following myself lol!

[despondent-beauty]

Categorical Divisions in the Noospace

I feel like a lot of neurotypical people instinctively understand what I'm writing about here.

A summary: Turns out that despite the logic of 'A exists, and everything that isn't A is Not A' doesn't necessarily apply to everything.

Example: 'In love' or 'not in love.' There's no literal dividing line between those two categories. It's not a matter of not thinking enough about it or not being rigid enough with definitions -- there just doesn't exist an actual dividing line between the two categories.

In other words, true spectrums actually exist. I always thought that a spectrum was just a bunch of dividing lines between millions of hyperspecific categories that we struggle to see as humans, but now I realize that that's not necessarily the case.

PS: Before the rest of this, let me clarify that the only way we could have an objective dividing line between two categories would be if everyone observed that dividing line to be there through logic that is consistent with each person's own internal framework. This is because the most objective a perception of the universe can be is when it occupies the entire 'perception sphere' that we have -- that is that there is no space that exists where it isn't true from the perspective of humanity. That isn't to say that it's actually literally true from the point of view of the universe.

This is why it is simple to say that, if I have one apple and I get another apple, I now have more apples than before, but it is difficult to say that 21 is better than 18 or 25 for allowing people to drink alcohol.

Anyway, my little ramble follows:

I just realized that some things don't have a clear dividing line that we're 'just too stupid to see.' Some things just don't have that line period. It's not that we're too dumb, it's just that it doesn't exist. Like... where do you draw the line between a few grains of sand and a pile of sand?

Well, turns out that the distinction is based on something completely subjective -- how we subjectively interpret stimuli -- and therefore there IS no precise line between the two. There's a range of possible lines -- a spectrum -- but there's literally no way of defining A line between the two categories. It's based on a categorical description of stimuli rather than a report of the literals of the stimuli (15 grains of sand vs. a 'pile' of sand).

Like, even within one person, they might think they have an airtight definition of a pile of sand vs. a few grains of sand, but what if you change the size of the sand grains? What if you change their shape? What if you glue some grains together (do they get counted as one grain or not)? What if you spread the grains out over a wider area -- how wide is wide enough to make the pile no longer a pile? And every time you generate a new question to ask, interactions arise between the new answer and previous answers.

Like, if you say that 5 grains is a pile and you say that larger grains don't affect this, but spreading the grains out over 4 square inches means that they're no longer a pile, those answers interact, because what if they're bigger (like the size of stones) AND spread out over 4 square inches? Now suddenly the area is WAY smaller, so is it a pile again? What is the singular, unambiguous way of defining the connection between grains of sand and the concept of a pile?

So all of this is to say that I believe there are an infinite number of questions you can ask about these supposed binary categories and what delimits them, which means that there's always something that is ambiguous or hasn't been specified, which means that there isn't a clear line between the two categories. The only things we can really know are things that are 'squarely' within one or the other. Things are so extremely to one side of the spectrum that it might as well be comparing black and white in those cases.

And this isn't even getting into things that don't seem to have any way of making them objective or measurable. You can count grains of sand, measure their radii, catalogue their roughness and color, etc. But how do you measure whether or not two people are in love? You can 'just tell' when they're in DEFINITELY love and when they're DEFINITELY not, but what about the grey area? Measure the neurotransmitters they emit? How do you define 'enough' of them for them to be 'in love?' Even with measurements, we fall back to the above example.

There's an entire field where they're transitioning between the two that we can't define accurately because the line simply doesn't exist. You aren't in one category and then MAGICALLY in another in a split second -- you aren't simply crossing a boundary. You can't even define how much closer to one side than the other you are while in that transition area.

Imagine you're wading through gelatin. The consistency gets thicker and thicker as you get deeper and deeper into this strange cube, but how do you know for sure where you will meet your limits and stop? You can make measurements and predictions, but, at the end of the day, it's not decided until you actually get to that point. There's no way of telling where it'll be too thick for you to move anymore. Yeah, you know FOR SURE that you can progress through the first bits of the gelatin -- that's easy. And you know FOR SURE that you won't be able to move through the literal concrete substitute at the end of the gelatin cube. But where in between will you stop? Even with the best measurements, you cannot tell. (Is this suddenly also an argument against determinism? Oops.)

I know this probably seems stupid to anyone reading this, but I've never really comprehended that categories don't necessarily have clear lines between them. Sometimes there's literally an infinite number of shades of grey separating them, each one infinitesimally different from the last, but somehow still adding up to white on one end and black on the other.

I thought it was an issue with perception/intelligence. I legitimately thought that, with enough time and observation and reasoning, you could actually define the difference between 'not in love' and 'in love' and truly identify the division between the two -- the point of transition. The boiling point where one state turns into the next. Like, if you knew the temperature and pressure of the emotion in question, you could determine just where on the phase chart of love it was. But that's just not how it works! There are some things that can't be measured like that!

Basically, since the position of a supposed line is intrinsically linked to human perception (your specific perception in this case), we would all need to perceive the truth of the line's position for it to be 'objective.' If the entire sphere of human perception agreed precisely on THIS RIGHT HERE being the line, then it'd have to be 'objective,' or at least as objective as possible, since it would occupy the entire space that it's possible for it to occupy.

The biggest issue with this is that one's own definition of where that line is will be ambiguous (like an electron field), so the ambiguity exists no matter how many people are in agreement over even 99.99% of the definition. So there's always a space this perception/definition of the line does not truly occupy -- there's a space where it's undefined or contradicted. And my point is that there are at least SOME things that exist in this way -- anything that's inherently linked to human perception as opposed to being inherently linked to objective reality is susceptible to this effect. We can all agree that there are 15 grains of sand there (and if you disagree, then you're contradicting your own observations of the universe, so we can safely disregard it), but can we all agree that it's not a pile of sand?

And, despite all this, we can still navigate the world and communication with relative ease -- like, we know when something is tasty or disgusting, and we know when something is good or evil. I don't mean in an objective sense, but I do mean that there are a lot of observations that we see as so far toward one of the poles (black or white) that we are extremely comfortable saying that it IS black or white -- like 'murder is bad.' We're comfortable saying that murder is bad because it's just so obviously toward the 'bad' side of the spectrum of good vs. bad that basically everyone within whatever we define as 'our circle' can agree that they see it SOMEWHERE in that category. Yeah, we get hung up on some things (the ones in between), but it turns out that they never had an answer anyway.

Anyway, rambling over.

[funkymbtifiction]

So after hearing you talk about it so much I got me a copy of Stabile's Road Towards Wholeness

I'm not done with it yet but I was blown away by that part where she's like "Dear head types I bet you can think of 10 people right now who trust your judgement."

That is a statement, for example, which I would never make because I cant know for certain that it will be true for every person. But she was probably intuiting & thinking about the emotional impact that it was gonna make. 

Cause it made me think back on how at least in my online presence i do get feedback like "wow this made me think about it in different way", "i never considered it that way" or "thanks that totally clarified it for me"

I also definitely regard the judgement of my head type family members as useful, so id count towards their 10 people - particularly in areas where they notice stuff that i don't. 

i might have the abstract-conceptual stuff down, but the 6s know practical stuff, street smarts & troubleshooting - "here is the best doctor", "this is how you get good health insurance", "dont rent a place in that neighborhood there is crime and neo nazis"... whatever their area of expertise is. (Better yet they notice what you like/need & get you that, I've come to appreciate that a bit more through some of the posts you made about it)

It strikes me that if another person made that statement about the dangerous neighborhood I might wonder if they're exaggerating, being misled by some rumors or talking out of their butt but when my sister says it, I might not per se follow her advice / make my own conclusion but I will generally assume that with a very high probability there is, in fact, crime in that neighborhood. Just because she has a proven good track record for practical solutions & researching possible dangers.

And with the 7s its getting projects off the ground & anything to do with talking & negotiating. So many times some problem came up & my mom just grinned & said "We will have a talk with this gentleman" & she wrangled them & usually left with the thing we wanted even if the person in charge was a hostile asshat.

It strikes me that needing a book to notice this is a kind of reverse fundamental attribution error - in ourselves we are more likely to attribute results to circumstance rather than general tendencies. Someone will find something I said useful and I will exhale in relief and think "Ah, good, I wasn't talking out of my ass there.". Just like my sister probably thinks to herself "Oh, nice, calamity averted" when she managed to prevent some danger, or how mom might think, "Phew! I did not have to do without this thing I wanted after all." when she haggles out a good result, each time just thinking we won this individual battle without the general uncertain attitude/deficiency mindset shifting much. 

Sure makes you think. Anyways i guess what i wanted to say is thx for the book rec. 

------

Mod: You're welcome. It's a good book. She blew my mind several times during the course of reading it, but probably the biggest message for me was learning to stop the train of "unproductive-thinking" (unnecessary analyzing that 6s do :P), by asking myself, "Does this need me to over-think about it? If not, don't." That has made my life SO MUCH EASIER just since I read it. I also laughed off her "dependent stance types have to deal with what's right in front of them" assertion (yeah, right), in terms of being "present-motivated," because I assumed it was not the case with me (duh, I think about the future and the past more than the present) ... until something went wrong in my life, and I could literally think about nothing else. Woman knows what she's talking about, after 40 years of studying this stuff. She is A+!

By 6 tends to predict longer term, based on Ne/Te dynamics. ("You don't want to buy a house in that neighborhood, because in 10 years it won't be worth half what you paid for it right now -- the market is going to take a dip and the neighborhood is already going downhill. By the time you want to sell it, it will be a run-down neighborhood." Or one instance in which a friend asked, "Should I date this person?" I said no, and gave my logical reasons why -- the exact sequence of events that would follow, and where she would be, emotionally in six months. She didn't listen, and it all unfolded exactly like I predicted, right down to the exact emotions she was having. :P )

Like Suzanne says, she has learned to listen to the 6s in her life, because while it's not always what she wants to hear, sometimes it's what she needs to hear, or an angle that nobody else has seen as a prospective problem.

[festeringneondistraction]

I want to write poetry again but its just not happening!

Lately I've been so in my head. So many feelings and worries, its just real mental illness hours so in other words: I'm going through it. I've been journaling and posting and that's all fine and good but usually I can take those base thoughts and flesh them out into poetry! I'm very creatively frustrated right now because I have the urge to create but I just... cant. I try!! I definitely try and its not that I'm being a perfectionist about it at least not consciously. I firmly believe in making not-good art just for the sake of art. Bad art is amazing! But its just lots of stress intrusive thoughts then just TV static. The combination of extreme near constant anxiety, and brain fog.

Just to clarify somethings I'm at a very difficult season of my life right now for a lot of reason. I'm also a bit of an neurological alphabet soup (multiple diagnosis) so this is what I'm dealing with. Side note self-diagnosis is valid and you can kindly leave my blog if you think its not :). I'm just clarifying what doctors have told me and what else might be going on. Also I realize some of these are so co-morbid that its a bit redundant but I'm just listing it anyway.

CONFRIMED: Autism, depression, PTSD, ADHD, Social Anxiety/general anxiety, dyspraxia (also called developmental coordination disorder), dermatillomania, and a nice history of self-harm.

COMPLICATED: Chronic migraine (I do get migraines fairly consistently with aura I've had doctors acknowledge my migraines but no official diagnosis yet) mysophobia, ARFID (its extreme obvious for me that I have very real and severe food issues, I've just never talked to a doctor), dyslexia and dyscalculia. I was pretty much treated for both and struggled in those areas significantly. Just never put on paper to my knowledge.

SUSPECTED: OCD, maybe all of this is just CPTSD? who knows.

What im trying to say is there is a lot to unpack in my brain. For anyone who actually read this far thank you i love you id love to talk :)! But really who knows what's causing what sometimes. And when you struggle with brain fog and poor introspection??? What am I even supposed to do.

Id also like to mention im a daily weed smoker. I try not to smoke all day I try and wait till (weirdly enough) 4:20 is actually a great time of day to start lol. But seriously i at bare minimum wait till 420 I usually try to go a little longer.

Weed is one of the only thing that helps with the anxiety. As I am reading all this back and my landry list of diagnosis is right in front of me.... WOW im a high anxiety person. and there's shit I didn't even mention. It all really loops back to Autism and Anxiety. Its to the point where ill go to a friends house.. im feeling anxious but excited and I think im masking well. Then after like two minutes of talking to me my friend will almost always say "Shade you need more weed." Like damn is it that bad. People find it hard to talk to me sometimes because im so high anxiety these days. It used to be that I could talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable. I might be freaking out the whole time but It used to be that I was so good at masking my anxiety and autism people wouldn't notice.

Also hi! My name is Shade and yes its my actual legal name. This rant about poetry turned into like a mental illness recap and informal intro. If my blog gets even the tiniest bit of attention i'll do a proper more light hearted intro. Just really speaks to the ADHD I guess. I have so much more to say but if I let myself keep typing it will become a compulsion and I wont stop for hours so Im done now :)

[oikawaplssteponme]

PART 3 | previously: part 2 | masterlist

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: swearing, fighting

synopsis: When UA’s hot heads, Katsuki Bakugou and you, are forced to put your hatred for each other aside and plan the third year Prom, things end up getting a little heated...

a/n: hello friends, i hope you all are doing well<3 taglist is open so just lmk if you’d like to be added :)) enjoy xx

•

three: sorry

You sat through the rest of class, watching your classmates battle each other. You wrapped up the cut on your arm and you were good to go. When the school day was finally finished, you headed back to your dorm and changed out of your uniform and into something more comfortable. You began to head down to the basement when you came across Todoroki.

“Hey Shoto, sorry about that,” you said nervously, pointing to the bandaid on his cheek.

“Don’t worry about it. You put up a good fight and looks like I got you too ,” he replied.

“Barely. You better beat me next time,” you smiled. He nodded.

“Don’t worry, I will.” You and Shoto parted your ways and you went down to the basement. The door was propped open. Bakugou was flipping through the folder that Aizawa had given you both.

“Hey…” you said. He didn’t look at you.

“So uh, how should we split up the work?” You asked. He still ignored you. Getting annoyed at this point, you snatched the folder from him.

“HEY-“

“Listen, you were the one who said you wanted to split up the work for this fucking dance so we have to talk in order to have that happen. What’s going on? You seem more pissed off than usual,” you complained. Bakugou looked at you, gritting his teeth.

“I’m fine dumbass. Just tired,” he mumbled.

“Sure you are.” You grabbed a stool and sat next to Bakugou. He rolled his eyes.

“Well damn you don’t need to be that close to me,” he said. You sighed, losing your patience.

“Bakugou, we both need to take a look at the papers. If I could I would be on the other side of the world to stay away from you.”

“Whatever.”

You looked down at the list of everything that needed to get done.

“Okay so for starters we should order the stuff that will take longer to get here. That would probably be decorations and stuff like that,” you said.

“We’d need to pick a theme before we order decorations,” replied Bakugou.

“Oh true. Okay um, any ideas?” You asked. Bakugou got up, walked over to a box, and pulled out 3 magazines. He sat back down.

“The theme packs that are crossed out are ones that have already been used. The themes circled are the ones within our budget. And the ones with check marks are the themes that we could get but we would have to cut back on other stuff to pay for it,” explained Bakugou. Your eyes widened.

“Did you organize this?”

“Yeah. I did it after class.”

“Woah…”

“ITS NOT A BIG DEAL I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE WE DONT MAKE FOOLS OF OURSLEVES PLANING THIS DUMB DANCE!”

“Okay okay. I just didn’t think you cared.”

“I can not care and still want to do it right. Remember if we do a shit job Aizawa’s gonna fail us or something.”

I forgot about that part.

“Okay well which of them do you like best?” You asked. Bakugou opened up the second catalog and turned a few pages. He pointed to a theme.

“This ones okay...I guess,” he whispered. You peered over at the theme, a smile creeping onto your face.

“I like that one too,” you said. Bakugou looked at you.

“Really?”

“Yeah, and its within our budget, so I think it’s a good choice.”

Bakugou cleared his throat.

“Cool um, I’ll grab a laptop so we can place the order.” Bakugou got up abruptly and walked upstairs.

Is he always in a hurry?

~

As you waited for Bakugou to get back, you began compiling a list of the work you would need to do. You decided to take more of the creative lead and began putting together a design for the tickets. You wanted it to match the theme that you and Bakugou had chosen.

“You can draw?” said Bakugou, peaking over your shoulder. You jumped.

“Jesus shithead you can’t just scare me like that,” you said, hitting his arm. Bakugou rolled his eyes.

“I thought you were only good at one thing,” he muttered. You turned to look at him.

“And what might that one thing be?”

“Combat.”

“So you admit I’m a good fighter.” Bakugou got flustered.

“NO I'M JUST SAYING YOU DON'T TOTALLY SUCK ASS,” he replied, “I’m still better though.”

“Well I hate to break it to you Bakugou but I’m a girl of many talents. So yes I can draw. Can’t you cook or something?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened.

“How’d you know that?”

“I remember from the training camp. You helped cook almost every meal,” you explained.

“Can we not talk about the camp,” he whispered. Your chest got heavy.

“Shit um I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine just drop it,” he said firmly. You nodded.

“Um, did you place the order?” You asked quietly.

“What does it look like I’m doing,” huffed Bakugou.

“Yeah sorry.”

“Why do you apologize so damn much?”

“I-I uh, sorry, wait no-” you stuttered out. Bakugou continued typing.

“You should save sorry’s for when they actually matter,” he muttered. You tilted your head.

“So they don’t always matter?”

“Well if you say the word so damn much it just becomes another useless word. Then when you actually mean it, it’s pointless,” he explained. You never really thought about it like that.

“I guess you’re right. Then I’m totally not sorry,” you joked. Bakugou let out a small chuckle.

“Okay nerd, keep drawing your stupid ticket.”

“ITS NOT STUPID!”

~

You and Bakugou worked in silence for the rest of the time you spent in the basement. You checked the time.

“We’ve been down here for like 2 hours. I feel like that’s enough for today,” you said. Bakugou looked up from his laptop.

“Uh yeah. Just let me place this last order,” he said. You nodded and began to pack up your stuff.

“Do you have the keys?” You asked. Bakugou nodded and fished the keys out of his pocket. Bakugou grabbed his things.

“Let’s go dumbass,” he said. You sighed and trailed behind him as you walked up the stairs.

The two of you went back to the dorms and saw your friends socializing in the common area.

“There you two are! We lost you after class,” said Mina, waving the two of you over.

“Yeah well party planning awaits. It’s a lot of work for just two people,” you explained, taking a seat.

“Damn right it is,” mumbled Bakugou.

“How’s the planning going?” asked Kirishima. You looked at Bakugou and smiled.

“Bakugou is having so much fun planning. He even picked the theme for the dance,” you said.

“SHUT UP-”

“Wait what’s the theme?” asked Mina excitedly.

“It’s a surprise,” you insisted.

“Just to clarify, Y/N is just shit at planning so I’m having to do more work,” chimed in Bakugou.

“I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST-” You stood up but before you could go over to him, Iida had grabbed your arm, stopping you from going any farther. You huffed.

“Anyway, how’s your side Deku?” You asked. Deku had a bandage around his stomach, most likely from your doing earlier during training.

“Oh I’m all good! Recovery Girl definitely knows what she’s doing,” he smiled nervously.

“Yeah well I’m sor-, I mean uh, I hope you feel better anyway,” you replied, “you got me pretty good too Deku, so I guess we’re even,” you joked. You lifted up part of your shirt to show the bruise that Izuku had given you from his punch from earlier.

“OH MY GOSH Y/N I‘M SO SORRY!” panicked Izuku. You laughed.

“Don’t worry about it. Makes me look like a total badass,” you smiled.

“Sure it does,” mumbled Bakugou. You gave him the side eye.

“What the hell is your problem today?” You asked, crossing your arms. Bakugou stayed silent.

“God you are such a piece of shit,” you huffed. Bakugou stood up and walked over to you. He gripped the collar of your shirt, pulling you towards him.

“SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!”

Your blood began to boil. You kicked Bakugou in the stomach to get him to let go but his grip was so tight on you that he ripped the collar of your shirt, causing the two of you to fall to the ground. You pinned his hands down.

“TELL ME TO SHUT UP ONE MORE DAMN TIME KATSUKI! I FUCKING DARE YOU!”

“Stop this at once!” ordered Iida but neither of you listened. Bakugou flipped you onto your back, almost knocking the wind out of you. He then pinned you down as well. Bakugou leaned in to look you dead in the eyes.

“Shut. Up.”

That was it. That was all you needed to be pushed over the edge. You were pissed. Words couldn’t describe your hatred for Katsuki Bakugou.

“THAT'S IT!” Before you even realized it, you were already generating a small bond to hit Bakugou with.

“Y/N NO!” yelled Deku. Just as you were about to throw it at him, Kirishima had grabbed Bakugou off of you and Deku had pulled you towards him.

“BOTH OF YOU! THIS HAS TO STOP!” Shouted Iida. Your breath was heavy as you looked at Bakugou. Kirishima had let go of him but Deku still had his grip on you.

“LET ME AT HIM! I AM SO SICK OF YOU KATSUKI!” You yelled, beginning to struggle from Deku’s arms.

“Fuck off princess. I’m going to bed,” said Bakugou, turning around and leaving.

“YOU OWE ME A NEW DAMN SHIRT!” You shouted at him but he didn’t turn to look at you.

“And here I thought the two of you were finally getting along…” mumbled Iida.

I thought so too.

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @bokutory @complimentaryhugsgirl @cloudswritings @kriswu46 @neodnyl @evivn1 @jazzylove @mileven-reddie @whalerus @misssugarless @random-fandom-girl-24 @fanfiction-and-stress @ushiwakatrash @minhoswife @addictofsupernatural @the-shota-king-masayuki ]

[one-boring-person]

Only Traitors Consort With The Damned. (Part Ten)

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: blood, mentioned death, injury, gun violence

Context: The SRS have finally arrived, in time for Halloween.

A/N: This is a little bit late, but it's slightly Halloween themed, so I hope that it's still alright! Spot the reference I "accidentally" left in there😉😅

Masterlist

Eerie music plays from hidden speakers as the costumed crowd ambles by, children screaming and laughing as scare actors jump out at them, the variety of zombies, witches and mummies, not to mention vampires, too, astounding, movie characters and even some book characters making appearances around every turn, familiar and unfamiliar lines being spoken to cheerful bypassers. Painted masks and faces litter the mixed throng of people, the twinkling, orange-cast lights throwing the crevices of each visage into sharper definition, ghoulish grins becoming longer, twisted grimaces becoming even more painful, the many slashers roaming the Boardwalk now covered in a blacker blood than before, each fake knife, axe and machete lathered in the stuff. A sickly sweet odour lingers in the air as sweets and chocolate are passed around, often accompanied by a smoking joint, or sachet of some other high-class substance, the strong reek of sweat providing an unpleasant undertone as the stifling costumes heat their wearers despite the late October chill.

As a child, I used to love Halloween. There was always something enchanting about it: you could become anything, or anyone you wanted for the night, and no one would question you on your choice, or look at you oddly because everyone was doing the same. A cheery atmosphere always seemed to hang over the annual event, the leading pumpkins that glittered along the streets and the creative decorations building up the necessary excitement over the weeks before the 31st; a fun game of mine had been to run down the streets of my hometown and count every pumpkin we could see, separately, and see who had the highest tally at the end of the day. Once the winner had been decided, they'd get first dibs on the treats handed to us at each door when we later went Trick-Or-Treating, a rule which drew many arguments to the table when we eventually compiled our loot.

Now, as I watch the roaming children, all I can think of is how easy it is for the supernatural to wreck havoc on this night, given that the spiritual veil is much thinner than usual, and no one suspects anyone of the authenticity of their outfit until it's too late. On his night, the SRS always have their hands full, meaning everyone is deployed, not just the normal Hunters: the retired Soldiers still capable of fighting, Clean-Up teams and A.R.O (Aftermath Recon Operatives) Soldiers all made to help out with the bloody massacres that occur all over the country. The holiday has a morbid side that no one sees, and there's always a high body count the next morning.

Beside me, Marko pushes and shoves at people that come too close, the vampire loudly criticizing any costume made to look like his species, his "improvements" just a little too specific to be joking ones, not quite realising that I'm not listening to him. Instead, I'm scanning the crowds, looking out for the tell tale uniform and tactics used by the SRS Clean-Up teams, eyeing any suspicious person keenly until they prove to me they aren't a threat, often earning me harsh stares from their companions. The two of us look out of place in our "normal" clothing, neither of us dressing up, as we forgot that it was, in fact, the 31st, meaning a costume would've provided a good disguise in case we do come across any dangers. Even as we walk, I bite at my lip, feeling very exposed in my current state, my fists clenching at my sides as I try to stop myself from fidgeting too much, knowing that a nervous disposition is a great disadvantage in a fight, should one break out.

"Hey can we get something to eat? I kinda want some food." Marko suddenly asks me, not waiting for my reply as he pulls me over to a nearby sweet stand, the vampire excited by the prospect of buying the sugary treats.

Uneasy, I stand and turn back to the crowd, watching each face closely, my gut starting to feel odd as I notice something odd about a certain few members of the crowd. Eyes widening in realisation, I grab the back of Marko's coat and drag him away from the stand and into the alley behind it, ignoring his protests as I clap a hand over his mouth.

"Be quiet." I command him in a low voice, giving him a warning look as I slowly take my hand away from his mouth.

"What are you doing?" He hisses at me, eyes narrowed.

"They're here." I respond, looking out at the crowd as I try to figure out what to do, thinking over my options until I notice that someone has spotted us over here; someone who I've already identified.

As I watch, they start to make their way over to the stand, casually wading through the people around them as they try to look inconspicuous, though the mere sight of them makes my pulse hitch.

Thinking quickly, I grab the front of Marko's jacket and pull him closer, pressing my back to the wall as I lean closer to his face, ignoring his shocked expression.

"Kiss me, quick!" I order him, wrapping my hands around his neck as he splutters slightly.

"What?"

"Do it!" I growl, pulling him closer.

Still shocked, the vampire leans in and presses his lips to mine, carefully kissing me until I yank on his hair, silently asking him to be a little more rough, to which he responds by shoving me harder into the wall, his hands gripping my hips much tighter. Groaning slightly, I momentarily forget why we're in this situation, letting myself enjoy the rough kisses as he ravishes my mouth with his tongue, only opening my eyes again to look briefly over his shoulder at the Boardwalk, noticing that the person is no longer there. Knowing this, I let the kiss come to its natural end, before pulling away.

"Thanks..." I say, awkwardly, blushing as he reluctantly lets me go, the vampire clearly wanting more as he allows his hand to linger at my hip a little longer than necessary.

"No problem." He wipes his mouth, grinning at me as he regains his composure, "What did you need it for?"

"One of them was coming over here, and it was the first thing I could think of." I admit sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Right." Marko lifts an eyebrow, smirking, "How did you know it was one of them?"

I laugh, dryly, gesturing with my head for him to follow me back out into the crowd.

"Well, back in New Orleans, the head of the SRS realised one Halloween that our Soldiers need a disguise for this particular night, without being too conspicuous, so that they fit in but can also be recognised by each other. She decided that the mask of a plague doctor would be fitting. She said it works for us, because we're ridding the world of a "plague", just as they were." I roll my eyes, "Obviosuly, this makes them very easy for me to spot them, seeing as I used to dress up the same way."

"Oh, right." Marko nods, understandingly, evidently sending some mental explanation to the rest of the vampires, who are stationed around the Boardwalk.

"You can tell them apart, because they have a golden cross engraved just below the right eye on the mask, so we don't get mixed up with others." I clarify for him.

"Good to know." He frowns, "Did you say she decided? As in the head of the SRS is a girl?"

I nod, a little annoyed by the question, but knowing where he's coming from.

"Yep. Her name is Valentine Fletcher. She's the best fighter we've ever had and has the largest body count of all. Not even the Generals around the world come close to her efficiency, she's just too good. I've met her once, and she was also one of the most stuck-up princesses I've ever come across."

"I guess that's why she's the leader, then." Marko chuckles, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"Excuse me." An unfamiliar voice interrupts us, a hand placing itself firmly on my shoulder as I turn around to face the person. My heart drops as I take in the eerie black beak-shaped mask, the golden cross glittering under the right eye as they catch the lights, the cloaked figure keeping a strong grip on my arm.

"Can I help you?" I ask, getting ready to run as Marko notices the cross, too.

"Yes, I was wondering if you could come with me." The Soldier says, though the tone in her voice is much more demanding, informing me that there is, in fact, no choice.

"I'd rather not." Without a second thought, I slam my arm into her elbow, snapping it inwards as she lets out a surprised cry, allwoig me time to duck under her and and push past her, sprinting away into the crowd with Marko hot on my heels.

Five loud gunshots sound behind us, the Soldier having shot at us with a hidden gun through the crowd, screams and shouts of fear and panic suddenly tearing through the air as the atmosphere suddenly becomes too real, the bullets smashing into the ground behind the two of us terrifying the costumed Boardwalk-goers. Instantly, the crowd around us starts pushing and shoving each other, the heaving current of people now pushing us along as they scramble to get to safety, arms flailing and legs kicking as they go, slowing our progress significantly. Growling in frustration, I pull Marko to the side, intending to reach the alley again, wincing when there are two more shots behind us, though I make it to safety without a scratch. It's only when I hear Marko's laboured breathing that I realise he wasn't so lucky.

"Shit, Marko, are you going to be alright? Can you keep moving?" I ask him, being to figure out where he was shot as he starts to sway on his feet, eyes drooping closed as the pain starts to eat away at him. Grimacing, I swiftly scan the area, spotting a large bin a little way away, which I drag him over to.

"Get in there and close the lid, you'll be safe." I tell him, opening it and giving him a leg up into the reeking interior, helping him settle as quickly as I can, before I go to move again, "I'll be back."

With one last look at him, I firmly shut the lid and start running down the alley, taking as many winding corners as I can, hoping to throw them off as I start to hear pounding footsteps behind me, shouts and calls seemingly coming from everywhere as I start to breathe harder, my pulse pounding in my ears. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, giving me the speed I need to get away from my pursuer, the air rushing harshly into my throat as I turn down another backroad.

A sudden gunshot, followed by a spike of agony in the back of my knee brings me to the floor, my body crashing into a discarded car as it rolls awkwardly to a halt, groans of pain swiftly starting to leave me. Gripping at the new wound on my leg, I try to force myself upright again, only to be kicked back to the ground again by a cloaked figure, who keeps kicking until I'm cowering on the ground, blood pouring down my face. When they are finished, they reach down and force me into a standing position, half-dragging me out of the alley and to the car park conveniently placed by the mouth of the road, where a circle of similarly clad people are waiting, the forms of three kneeling people visible in the dim light of the streetlights. Pulling me over to them, my attacker throws me to the ground in the centre of the circle, manhandling me onto my knees, drawing a small cry of pain from me.

Looking around at the three kneeling people, I feel my heart stop as I instantly recognise them: David, Dwayne and Paul, the three of them bloodied and beaten, burn marks littering their faces from the holy water that was most likely used on them. Horror and guilt flood me as I see them, David's head coming up so he can make eye contact with me, his blue eyes filled with hate and anger.

"Are we all here now?" Someone asks, their voice unfamiliar to me.

"No, there is one more." A voice calls from a little way away, Marko soon being forced onto his knees beside Paul as he is dragged into the light. The vampire is pale now, dark circles appearing under his eyes as his vampiric features break through, his body trying to keep itself from shutting down as he slowly bleeds out, the bullet wounds still oozing the crimson stuff out onto his shirt.

"Ok, that's everyone, we can get started." The person speaks again, this time sounding more decisive.

"(Y/n) (Y/l/n), you have been arrested for conspiring with the enemy, and for shooting a senior officer, willingly, instead of a vampire that was held hostage. Do you accept these charges?" Someone else says, the voice somewhat familiar, though I don't remember where from.

Knowing it is pointless to resist, I lower my head to my chest and reply.

"I do."

"And you are aware of the punishments that these crimes bring upon you?"

"I am."

"And they are?"

I take a deep breath, my muscles tense as I try to ignore the pain in my body.

"Execution on the sight of capture." I recite robotically, knowing them well.

"Good, you remember some form of honour." They sneer, before addressing the rest of the gathered Soldiers, "Are there any volunteers among us who would like to carry out the deed?"

"I do." My blood runs cold at the sound of the voice, my head lifting to look up at the Hunter that has stepped forwards.

"Elijah Forsyth, you wish to perform the necessary execution of (Y/n) (Y/l/n)?" The first speaker questions, confirming the name to me even as they take off their mask.

Instantly, the cold blue eyes lock with mine, the dark-haired Hunter giving me a poisonous look as he limps over to me.

"I do."

"Then it shall be so. Do what you must."

With those words, Elijah steps over to me, drawing a gun from his belt and cocking it deliberately, maintaining eye contact as he lowers it to my forehead.

As the weapon is brought to my skin, I keep my chin up, refusing to feel bad about the actions that brought me here in the first place. Without a word, I accept the fate that will befall me.

Part Eleven