lilliesforya

[lilliesforya]

International Annie week

Annie came to visit the first week of January! We spent the first couple of days in Tokyo and then she visited Chiba. It was really fun getting to show her around Tokyo. This was her first time in Japan and my first time showing someone around. I was confident in my ability to get around but I was worried about ordering food and other interactions where I’d need to speak. Luckily, I was just fine and even understood a lot more than I thought I could. Annie likes fashion and bakeries so we spent a lot of time in Ginza, Shimokitazawa, and every bakery we passed. We stayed in Akihabara, which is known for electronics and anime. At night, the streets are bright and full of life with large posters and billboards, store signs, and arcades. We were able to buy things tax free, which is a privilege I’ve never had in Japan before! She was really impressed by the train system and how efficient it was. She was unimpressed with how cold my house was and how she was too tall for the doorways. 

Tokyo is the largest city in the world but because it is separated into neighborhoods and distinct areas it doesn’t always feel that way. Tokyo, like most of Japan, is insanely clean by American standards. Annie and I walked the city streets that were free of litter and other common city sights like screaming, rats, and poor drainage. When we did see trash on the street, it was in Shibuya maybe, all piled near the trash can. Dirty but orderly. It is also very quiet in comparison to New York. No horns honking, subway rails screeching, or disorderly conduct. At least the areas full of tourists are full of various languages being spoken.

The other day a student asked me about America and New York. She asked me if the trains were quiet like Japan and I was like “No. They are very loud. People talk on the phone and play music out loud.” She was shocked. The trains are not just quiet, they’re also clean. Since eating and drinking is frowned upon on normal trains, there’s rarely any bad smells as well. 

I loved being able to show Annie Tokyo. I had been around most of the areas I showed her at least one time before so it was easier to bring her around. It was so shocking to realize I knew where I was going. In Tokyo. I had been to the largest city in the world before. I was there again. I felt so lucky and so privileged to share it with her. It was also exciting to show her where I live. I know less about Chiba than I do about Tokyo to be honest. During the week, I don’t get out much and on the weekends the last thing I want to do is drive 1 hour or more to a different city. However, I love my little town and my schools so it was very enjoyable to drive her around. 

We also went to Tokyo Disney Sea together, which is technically in Chiba, so it wasn’t too long of a train ride from my area. It was the most orderly day at a theme park ever. People wait in lines without screaming. Even kids for the most part. It was cold so the crowds were slightly less large than usual. There is a large volcano built in the middle of the park and you get to go inside of it for the ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ ride. Which was awesome. I like Disney a lot because the rides are usually not as intense because they’re framed around a story or something. I can’t go on large roller coasters or really anything that is going upside down or spinning 360 degrees. Most Disney rides are accessible to me and my frail body so I can enjoy them. Disney Sea also has its own Tower of Terror and it’s based on an old, haunted, American hotel. It was very fun. Annie’s favorite ride was ‘Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull’ or something like that. You are on a roller coaster and are trying to escape from the Crystal Skull which is chasing you. The images and details on the ride were insane! Even in Japanese, the environment was immersive.

[lilliesforya]

2024

It is the new year! And I am back in my middle school teacher’s room. I am wearing three shirts. One of them is heat tech and I am still not warm enough. I am wearing my fleece jacket over them. Japanese buildings aren’t designed to retain heat and neither am I (lose-lose situation). Also, windows and doors are randomly open (for air circulation) throughout the school so the hallways are usually freezing. 

My winter break was really fun and it felt much longer than ~2 weeks. For the week of Christmas, I was in Kobe. This is a loaded statement for sure but it was actually really fun and exactly what I needed to recontextualize my experiences there in the past. I was really excited to travel there but was insanely nervous about seeing my host parents again. I was scared my Japanese would be worse than before, my demeanor too shy, my wounds too visible, etc. They had very graciously invited me to come visit them for Christmas so despite everything I knew that I had to go. I got to take a bullet train from Tokyo down to Kobe. It only takes about 3 hours! The train moves so fast I can barely look out the window. It made me nauseous at random times during the trip but nothing too bad. The stop before Kobe is Osaka, and once I heard it on the announcements I was akin to a cut that would not stop bleeding. I could not stop crying and I wasn’t even particularly sure what was wrong. I was worried my whole trip would be me crying in various places (I did cry in at least 2 or 3 different places). However, when I got off the train and made my way into the station I was surprised by two of my friends who came to greet me. They were so excited to see me and were dripping with happiness about the week of break we were all going to spend together. I knew as soon as I saw them that this trip was going to go differently than I thought. They took me to Sannomiya (the main city) and we ate soup dumplings (Motomachi is the third largest Chinatown in Japan). I did not feel empty. I was not filling a hole. I was just at dinner with my friends. 

Later in the evening when I made my way to my host parents house I was incredibly on edge again, like my body was a livewire. Even in the dark, getting off at my old station and seeing my bridge (full of lights) was unbelievable. I thought I had missed the bus again too which would have been really funny but I had just made it. It pulled away quickly after I boarded. I found this symbolic but was distracted by not knowing if I would recognize my bus stop name. Luckily, the body remembers and as soon as the bus made the right turn I knew it was my stop (and I sort of recognized the name). I remembered where the house was too. I was crying which was embarrassing but I couldn’t help it. My thing has always been feeling too much, too big, and too often. My host mom just chuckled at me when she opened the front door and gave me a hug. My host parents have a little puppy now and that was really fun for me because I miss my dogs. The dog looks like a labradoodle puppy and his name is Kalia. Me and the other ALT who was staying with them, tried teaching the dog English the whole week. Things like “sit” and “You’re so cute”. It was very lovely to be in a house with other people. 

I managed a LOT of activities during my week. Seeing the Akashi- Kaikyo bridge and going on the observation deck, seeing Suma beach, going to the Kobe Herb Gardens (on Christmas!), eating my way through Motomachi (Chinatown), shopping in Sannomiya, visiting Konan University, seeing Kobe Harborland, having KFC for Christmas with my friends, going out to Alchemy (foreigner owned bar), and even a whole day for Universal Studios Japan. It was busy and fun and I spent way too much money, but the trip was special and very healing for me so what's done is done. Happy Grief is Over to all who celebrate!

[lilliesforya]

End of Beginnings

12/20

Next week, I'm going to Kobe to celebrate Christmas with my host parents and friends from study abroad. I’m really excited and have been looking forward to the trip for the whole month. I just had a group call with my friends to plan out activities too! However, if you would have told me even 6 months ago that I would be seeing Kobe in the year of our lord 2023, I would have never believed you. I haven’t been to Kobe since I left in 2020 from study abroad in the (and I cannot stress this enough) worst circumstances imaginable. I always thought that place would have memories of loss and grief attached to it, leaving me unable to think about it without feeling a void encapsulate my heart. Due to the circumstances of my departure, when I came home I pretty much never talked about my experiences. I am the first to admit I am not great at putting forth information about myself or my lived experiences but everyone in my life respectfully didn’t ask me about it much because I was clearly upset about the whole situation. It sucked because I never got to explain how much I had grown to love the place I got to experience a life in before the overarching theme of loss was attached to it. I envied when my brother came back from Spain and we all had this collective understanding of how much he loved living in Valencia and how it impacted him positively, despite him being sad about leaving. Anyway, with my return to Kobe being 4 days away I feel like the second chance I prayed for silently is upon me. There’s a twitter post or tumblr post floating around the internet right now that says “life is so subtle sometimes you barely notice yourself walking through the doors you once prayed would open.”. I think about this quote often- when I walk through the door to my house, to and from school, when I drive home and the sun sets a pretty pink color. I think I’ll think of it especially when I walk into my host parents house. 

It’s hard to believe I’m going to see people and places that I thought at one point I’d never see again. My beloved bridge, Sannomiya, Okamoto, Motomachi, and Suma beach. My head hurts just considering it. As I walk around the streets of Kobe, mesmerized and shocked, I can only hope that everything in between me being there in 2019 and me returning in 2023 is strong enough to take memories of grief and reframe them into memories of gratitude. Like I've said since I got back to the states, “Once I go back to Kobe, grief is over.”. 

A 14 hour time difference from the people who you love and who love you is unforgiving for even the most attentive of people. I’m not good at sending pictures or even taking them (though I try to do it more), or remembering to call or text (but I always pick up and respond when people reach out to me), and my blog posts are getting more sporadic (but I have just as many thoughts). It’s important to remember that I remember every good thing that’s ever happened to me in my life and I hold all of that near to my heart. If you think of me, rest assured knowing that I am thinking of you.

Kobe playlist sneak peak:

End of Beginning 

Mr. Flash Gordon

Something soon

Boy Bye

[lilliesforya]

It’s very cold, I’ve had too much caffeine, and I miss my dogs

On Tuesday afternoons and Thursday’s I go to my small elementary school that’s a bit farther from the other two schools. I always drink way too much coffee when I’m there. I have my own mug and the coffee always smells so good in the teachers room. Coffee on the pot smells like my kitchen at home. It smells like my sister waiting around for me to wake up to make coffee because I “do it better”. It smells like my brother microwaving a cup of black coffee after school just to drink barely half and then go to sleep immediately. 

Drinking too much gives me a god awful headache but this taste of comfort is not one I am willing to give up. I just will have a headache. The sky is really gray today despite having rained most of the morning. I know when I go home there will be only 30/45 minutes of daylight left. I keep my speaker on from my car to my house so that the silence can’t get me. I keep it on while I do dishes and talk to myself as if there are other people in my house who can hear me. It’s the same way I talk to my dogs (who I wish I could see very much). 

“Guys, I don’t want to do the dishes” 

“Guys, I think if it gets any colder I’m going to freeze to death” 

“There’s no chocolate in the house :(”

Winter is not my favorite season. Thankfully, it's not too cold though. I went to college in Pittsburgh, where every walk home from the library from November- February was in polar night essentially. Even New Jersey is colder than where I am on the regular. But I still feel impossibly cold most days. 

Now, it's Monday morning at my middle school and it is most definitely cold. It's about 40 degrees with a high of 50 today. This is the first week of Winter yet where it's going to be in the 40s for most of the day. I’ve learned to layer my clothes accordingly at work so I don't freeze (for the most part) but my inside shoes are sneakers so my feet are always cold no matter what. I have to be at school from 8-4:15 every day even if I don’t have class every period. This drives me insane mostly but it's nice having a routine I guess. Today, I don’t have every class scheduled so I can spend some time planning activities for my trip to Kobe for Christmas or Annie’s trip to Japan (International Annie Week). Even though I'm sure I'll just end up reading my book after a bit. Last week, I read the entirety of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I highly recommend it for all hunger games fans and for people who haven't read them. The movie comes out very soon in Japan and I’m so excited to see it ! 

[lilliesforya]

There are no cafeterias

I'm not sure why it took me so long to notice but it occurred to me the other day that there are no cafeterias in my schools. This is the norm for elementary and junior high schools.. The kids have school lunch in their classrooms and everyone eats at the same time. Some schools prepare the lunch on site but a lot of others have it driven in from a lunch center. The lunch center for my schools is located behind one of my elementary schools so I can see the trucks driving off to the schools sometimes. There's a special place in the school (from what I've seen) where the trucks unload the food, utensils, dishes, and milks. All of the students take turns being assigned different lunch related tasks. Like being in charge of scooping rice, getting the milks from the first floor, carrying the dishes/ trays/ utensils upstairs etc. I think this method of doing school lunch is really interesting. My schools are on the smaller side, so I often wonder how it is done in larger schools with a lot of students.

[lilliesforya]

Sweets and Snacks review Fall 2023

Crunky cookie ball: These are cookie balls covered in chocolate. 9/10

Mini daifuku: These are bite sized red bean mochi. The mochi is so soft and chewy and the red bean is smooth and not too sweet. 10/10 

Yakiimo (sweet potato): These are a special type of Japanese sweet potato that are sold in fall/ winter time. They are kept warm on hot rocks and you can eat it by itself. You can buy it at the convenience store or supermarket!

Tricolor dango: I usually eat one of these when I come home from work in order to muster the mental fortitude to do the dishes. It's also mochi- made with sweet rice flour. Dango comes in a lot of different varieties but the tricolor one is the most recognizable I think and it's also my favorite. 9/10

Jagabee potato chips: These are potato chips shaped like french fries. They are really crunchy. They're really addicting and I could easily eat 2 bags. I've tried both the 'happiness butter' flavor and the lightly salted. Both are great and the lightly salted tastes exactly like french fries. 10/10

Milk paste buns: These are small pastry buns filled with a sweet “milk” paste. It does not taste like milk, it's more of a sweet/ slightly creamy taste. I first tried these in 2019 and then never saw them again and thought I hallucinated them for a bit, so I was glad to see them. They're really good and I have not had any other dessert quite like it. I only see them at 7/11 just as a FYI. 10/10

Alfort chocolate biscuits: This is my favorite candy bar in Japan. Chocolate tastes different here than in the states but it's really good. It comes as like 12 small cookie biscuits with chocolate on top. They come in a bunch of different varieties including strawberry, double chocolate, vanilla, and butter. The original is the best though. I buy one pretty much every time I enter familymart. (no picture sorry) 11/10

Sesame crackers: I buy these at the grocery store to put in my lunch everyday. They come in packs of two crackers. It's made with sesame and I could eat like 10 in one sitting if I tried. (also no picture but just trust me) 10/10

[lilliesforya]

Cultural exchange event with Indonesia

11/9

A group of students from Indonesia visited my middle school in early November. It was a special cultural exchange event. Everyone went to the gym (also the auditorium for all intents and purposes) and the kids led the assembly in Japanese and English. I had looked over their English parts and I was really proud of the students for speaking in front of the whole school. My principal even gave his introductory speech in English! There was an exchange of souvenirs from both groups and the head teacher from their school and the principal from my school signed documents signifying the event. The documents are in front of my school now on display, with other cultural items, but I can't read them because they're in Japanese and Indonesian. 

The students from both schools performed dances for one another. My middle schoolers performed a dance with glow sticks to Idol by Yoasobi (they also performed this at the school festival in October). The students from Indonesia had two performances, one with hand held fans and one with Angklung (an instrument made from bamboo, you shake it to make the sounds) and singing. They also wore traditional dress which was really cool to see. 

After the assembly, the kids got to pick one class to go to for activities. There was music class, sitting volleyball, and math games. I think it was like math games but I don't know for sure. I was with the sitting volleyball group to act as an English translator just in case (albeit being not super conversational in Japanese). The kids from Indonesia speak very good English, so I was able to chat with them conversationally. I also explained some of the things they found unclear in the game. I had never heard of sitting volleyball before this, but it's just volleyball with a plastic/ lighter ball and you are sitting down. It sounds weird but I think it's more fun and more accessible. Because the ball is lighter it doesn't go as fast, giving you more time to prepare to hit it. And it can’t harm you if you get hit. This was with the second years (8th graders) and I was happy to spend some time with them outside of English class! 

I asked a bunch of the Indonesian students if they liked Tokyo or Osaka better, because they had traveled around Japan before coming to the school. They all said Osaka (which I agree with for the most part). They were trying to be polite and when I asked I was met with silence and I had to explain “Oh, it's okay if you pick Osaka. I've been there and I love it.” (They were reluctant to admit it because my school is geographically closer to Tokyo). Tokyo is awesome, but your experience really depends on the neighborhood you're in because it's such a large city. It's also more fast paced, with people all trying to get to work and such. I am used to New York City so this doesn't bother me. Tokyo's subways and trains may be crowded sometimes but they're so efficient you can hardly complain. Osaka on the other hand has a reputation for being more relaxed despite being a large city. I think it honestly comes down to how the familiarity of each place meshes with it's unique aspects that determine how much someone likes a place.

This event was really fun and I was happy to be able to be apart of it.

[lilliesforya]

Pictures

First three are pictures from a hike I went on in Chiba, and the bottom two are sky pictures from around town.

[lilliesforya]

Fall is for emo music and being proven wrong

Fall weather reminds me of driving around Pittsburgh with my friends listening to music. A college friend of mine has one of the coolest music tastes ever and plays an eccentric mix of Japanese indie music, math rock, alternative indie/ pop punk, and other stuff I can't even give a genre to. We overlap in the ‘fall out boy/ indie alternative’ areas the most. When I listen to music that I got into from them, I feel a deep nostalgia but also the comfort of friendship. 

Fall weather reminds me of working in a coffee shop in the middle of town. The smell of espresso stuck to everything. The girls I worked with wore the cutest outfits and taught me so many things I don't even have words for. They played so many different types of music and I enjoyed most, but some songs that played more frequently than others are tinged with memories of broken cash registers, laughter, comradery, and being at the mercy of a small business owner's wrath. 

Fall weather reminds me of marching band practice and competitions, stage crew meetings, and driving to school with my brother. 

Logically, I experience things as they happen like everyone else. However, I tend to experience emotional things retrospectively. My emotional processing time for things is longer than most peoples so events or experiences I had no opinion on or disliked while they were occurring often actually did impact me positively. I just wasn't super aware. Or I was vaguely aware but it wasn't at the forefront of my brain. Like I hated high school for the most part (as a system) because I was burnt out, lonely, and frustrated with the world. I still consider this an accurate statement. But later, I was able to process it emotionally and found I enjoyed the community aspect of high school activities immensely and it's something hard to come by as an adult. I also just enjoy being in school, having a routine, and learning. I hated working in my hometown too because it felt like I failed at establishing any life for myself after college. While this is true, I was able to later recognize I liked the job (I like preparing coffee), and I loved the community of people I was introduced to. Community is extremely important to human happiness and overall satisfaction with life;  I've been struggling with loneliness here so it has been important for me to recognize when I feel friendship or connection in my life. I'm sure I'll have something to say about the community I make for myself here in the future. But for now I just experience without judgment. 

Back to music, in my opinion, once you listen to ‘twin size mattress’ or ‘27’ for the first time in fall you have officially entered emo music fall. Once the temperature dips below 60 all of my playlists change and revert back to whatever I listened to from 7th-11th grade. It's not that cold here yet so it must be something else that indicates that its fall for me. Despite the fall being warmer here than what I'm used to (and thank god for that) it is still relatively cool weather.  I immediately want to be wearing fingerless gloves, all black, and to be stomping around in my doc martens. 

Anyway, I never considered my physical expression to be particularly bold, but living in Japan has definitely made me aware of the differences. I want to have my nails painted black, to retouch the blonde in my hair and extend it, and to wear my nose piercings in public. When I see my appearance at work I feel like a ‘deyassified’ or watered down version of myself. No piercings in. Hair tied back. No pins or jewelry. It's giving amish peasant. Though, let me clarify, I can definitely do those things here but it would further ostracize me. Also, I can’t have dyed hair or painted nails at work as it's a general rule for everyone. I'm sure there are workplaces in the US with similar rules, however I'm used to a more relaxed attitude in that department. Due to this, I tend to wear my mask when shopping in public, especially in my town. This is polite as it is becoming cold and flu season here and everyone for the most part is wearing a mask in public. But I also do it if I have my nose piercings in and I don't want to be especially different looking in public. I'm new and foreign to them everyday but I don’t have the energy for that everyday. People especially stare when they walk or bike by my car when I am driving. I try to be normal about that because I'm aware that it's shocking but oh my god does it make me crazy. There's this guy who bikes by my street in the mornings and two days in a row he turned his head fully to stare at me while I was waiting to pull onto the road. And like dude watch where you're going?? It's giving owl. But also it's rude to stare so long and so clearly!! It is very shocking for me. Where I’m from, it's considered rude to stare at other people for displaying something you consider weird, different, or uncommon.

Unrelated but the kids had to run the marathon this week which is their version of the mile run. I'm not sure how long it actually is by distance. I got to see the marathon at both of my elementary schools this week. Even the first and second years (first and second graders) do it. Also, it was not done separately in gym classes (they don't have gym everyday like we do), it was during the recess period in the morning (between like 10:05/10:35) everyone went outside and ran it at the same time. There are less kids at my schools than in my hometown but it was still surprising to see everyone running together. Some of the teachers ran with them as well. It was very cute. 

UPDATE: I learned that the kids are doing marathon practice for a tournament that's going to be held later this month!

[lilliesforya]

Being tired all the time

Mid to late October

Yesterday, I went to my middle school in the afternoon because of a schedule change, usually I'm there all day. The teacher that I work with told me about the conferences going on for the third years. The school system here is different from the states in that kids work really hard to get into good high schools as opposed to us working hard in high school to get into good colleges. The kids have to meet with the teachers and their parents and talk about what school they want to go to, and the exams they will have to take. The third years are US ninth graders. Their high school is only 3 years. I felt unqualified to choose my university at 18, so I can't imagine having to choose a high school at 14/15 especially because the high school chosen will affect the colleges one can get into. The teacher has to go to all of these meetings back to back and they happen like once a month ish from now until they apply (I'm not sure of the whole timeline). He was like “this is why teachers are always dead during the fall”. And I'd agree. I have never seen that teacher not extremely busy. 

I try to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun. Despite being here to work, my work isnt particularly difficult and I ought to be having fun. More fun? I'm not sure. Considering I have set hours of about 8-4 during the week, it is difficult for me to do much. Though, today is Monday and I am going grocery shopping after work and I'm excited to pick out desserts. Last time I got these waffle pastry cookie things? They're waffles but encrusted in sugar but they're not overly sweet. I love them. I'll also be getting tricolor dango. Anyway, I want to do more stuff over the weekend. But I'm so tired on the weekends that I often don't do that much. It can be difficult to plan things because some information is not accessible to me (websites will be not updated, hard to understand, all in Japanese, etc). Or the events hosted by the Chiba AJET (chiba prefecture jet association) group are so far from me it becomes an all day event and then some. 

Even trying to convince myself to do solo traveling is difficult because I don't think that's my preferred method of traveling. Despite being in a beautiful, new place I am the same person and I have to relax my expectations of how I should be spending my time. Just yesterday, I went to a cafe in the middle of nowhere with a lady from the English circle club in my town. She is very sweet and has lived in California on and off for years, so she speaks great English. The cafe was someone's house but also not? It had a homey feeling, eccentric decorations, and the people there all knew each other. There were also 2 cats that were so cute and friendly. I hadn't seen animals in a while so this was big for me. I got curry rice for 600 yen and it had so many vegetables and beans in it and my friend told me everything was fresh from their farm or garden. I think the cafe was open late for a small event because of the full moon yesterday. My point is that I didn't know I would be going to this place until the morning of when she invited me. I hate doing things spontaneously because it makes my brain anxious and nonfunctional. I agreed despite not wanting to go in the moment because I knew it would be a fun experience regardless. I wonder if pushing myself to do things alone would have the same effect. In the same vein, I could also just let myself enjoy my solitary hobbies in peace. 

Things I've been enjoying:

Waffle cookies 

Genshin Impacts most recent story quests 

Talking to friends and loved ones back home 

Listening to music in my car 

Trying new sweets from the conbini or supermarket 

Making my students laugh/ giggle/ smile 

When the kids say hello or good morning to me at school or wave to me when they see me in the teachers office 

Trigun anime 

The sunsets lately 

The days where I make moms chicken nuggets for dinner 

I bought a winter coat for like only 30 usd and it resembles a coat one of my favorite anime characters wears

[lilliesforya]

Nichome (inside standing outside standing inside)

For our combined birthdays, Katie and I went to Tokyo. Specifically, Shinjuku. We met up with a friend from college and his friends from his abroad program. I was extremely tired because the night before I visited Shibuya with my friend from home and I did not sleep enough to warrant the late night I knew I was in for. I had an awful stomach ache which I later realized was mostly anxiety. Saturday started easily. The weather was so nice, sunny but not hot. This was early October so it was not true fall weather in Japan yet. My friend and I went to Ueno Park and got Starbucks. There are no Starbucks near me so whenever I go into the city I love to get some. The park was huge. I didn't know it was going to be so large because the entrance was sitting next to the train station. But the walkway just kept going. It was lined by trees too. There was a baseball field with people playing, a cafe, a huge open space where there were many food trucks set up, and lots of people. I love seeing groups of people, especially tour groups of foreigners or tourists.  

Katie and Is birthday plans started in Shimokitazawa, a thrifty/ artsy area of Tokyo. We got fluffy pancakes at a cafe she really likes and gossiped at a volume too loud for the small space. We checked out multiple thrift stores. One was more like an artist collective? It was under the same roof but there were different small shops. It seemed more curated/ vintage than thrifting. There was a jewelry section as well and every artist who had items for sale had a small box decorated with their jewelry and they were stacked on top of eachother. The other thrift stores were more thrifty and offered tons of college sweatshirts, sportsware, and t-shirts. I even saw three Fairfield University ones! No Rutgers or Pitt though :\ I almost bought this oversized Giants long sleeve shirt but it was too overpriced. 

After thrifting we walked around the neighborhood. There were many small shops and art displays. We got dinner at this Taiwanese restaurant that was in between various places to eat. It amazes me how much they can fit in spaces here. The soup dumplings were amazing, and they gave you paper bibs so you don't mess up your clothes and these small cups to hold the dumpling in. After, we made our way back to the hotel we were staying in to get ready for the night. 

My stomach was still bad at this point but I love getting ready to go out. We played music and put on our outfits. I had brought my favorite makeup and all of my rings. I ended up wearing one of katies shirts instead of the one I brought because it looked more appropriate for the bars. 

We went to 4 bars during the night. Two of them were really fun and had great music selections. In popular areas, usually you have to pay a cover fee to get into the bar. It's not too expensive usually and it will often cover a drink or two. Waiting in line for said drink is another story but once you pay for it you gotta get it. Once I was sufficiently drunk, it was much easier for me to let loose and dance. Being in a large group prevented any unwanted attention as well which made the night go much smoother. My right contact lens fell out of my eye at like 10 pm but I didn't realize until we got back to our room at like 4am. I thought my eye was just irritated all night. Luckily, you don't really need to see clearly to have fun in a bar. After the bars, we all went to eat at a gyudon place close by. It is common for some restaurants to be open late/ all night in these areas because they can make a lot of money from drunk people like us, and people coming back from working insane hours. We slept from like 4-9 am and even though we had drank the hangover prevention medicine (which did help a lot) I felt so awful I was like im not drinking for months. This was a lie but it was a good 2 weeks maybe? I was deathly silent the whole train ride back to my house and Katie talked nonstop which reminded me of college. 

[lilliesforya]

October

I love October. It's 75 degrees today and it just rained this morning, so it's cool out. I don't sweat in school very much anymore. Most people still wear either long sleeves or long pants but it's not cold. I can have the doors open in my house now (there's glass doors in my kitchen and bedroom instead of windows) which I like but I wish they were windows because sometimes bugs get in and I hate it. Plus, I cant keep the windows open at night because they're doors, not windows and it feels unsafe even though I'm pretty sure it would be fine. Plus, bugs crawl in easier than if it was a window. The other week I saw the largest spider I’ve ever seen (maybe only one or two have been bigger) on my wall near my bed and I seriously would have rather done anything else than deal with it. I sprayed it with the heavy duty chemical spray meant for the killer wasps a couple of times and it fell behind my bed. I promptly flushed the corpse down the toilet. 

Oh, when I walked into my house yesterday there was a frog in my genkan (small area where you keep your outside shoes). I was so defeated after the day I saw the frog and was like why. I trapped it with a glass jar and took it outside pretty easily though. I need insects and frogs to please stay outside, I can't handle finding them in my house anymore. 

Highlights of the week: 10/2

I was supposed to do overtime on Monday but it was canceled.

Nichome this weekend!

I got to see my second and third years after a long time of no class.

6-1 had a double period of English (and I almost died) and they weren't as bad as they could have been. I do the sign of the cross before entering that class.

A kid said mama mia out loud in class as a reaction and was confused when I laughed

One of my JTEs told me he shot a gun at a shooting range in America but phrased it like “Lily I shot a gun” and I was like excuse me?

The kids are starting to get more comfortable with me in class and sometimes ask me stuff/ tell   me things after class!!

This happened last week but a 3rd grader kept pointing to grapes and calling them purple it was so cute (they were just learning fruits/ colors/ sports)

At my JHS, I was given omiyage from one teacher and a small treat from another (everyone else got one too) but I was included! This made me very happy.

[lilliesforya]

Hadaka festival

September 25th

This past weekend there was a festival in a city near me. It is a festival to sing prayers for a good harvest. (https://en.japantravel.com/chiba/ohara-hadaka-naked-man-festival/61385). The main street was closed and various food stalls, drink stands, and games lined the sides of the street. The people participating were carrying the mikoshi through the streets, all the way to where the elementary school is. There are many different groups of people carrying mikoshi. They were lifting the shrine up and down or carrying it while running in a huge circle. It was extremely chaotic looking but was actually extremely organized. I enjoyed seeing the groups run through the streets loudly shouting words of encouragement to each other. We were walking down the street aimlessly, just having fun finding new food to try or running into students from the area. There would be loud whistles blowing and you'd turn to see men coming to clear the street so the people carrying the mikoshi could run through. It was loud and a lot of fun to see so many people (including foreigners!) walk the streets. I got french fries (called fried potatoes in katakana here), kaarage (fried chicken), and a lemon sour. 

I was in a sour mood at first because one of the other Jets pissed me off badly and I had not eaten enough to brush him off. He is my narrative foil and I can't stand to be around him for very long because even though our fights are in a joking context, he usually ends up hurting my feelings for real. Though after my snacks and 1.5 drinks, I finally stopped feeling like I couldn't participate in a social circle I was already a part of, and it became a lot more fun. All of the jets in my area went as a group, so during the evening many students would come up and say hi to them. It was so cute to see! (I didn't see my students because I live farther away). We also ran into an old ALT from a city near us, she lives in the greater area now and has a family. It was so cool to hear her story and meet her daughter.

[lilliesforya]

Uniqlo in Ginza and Animate in Akihabara

9/20 I went to Tokyo this past Sunday with Katie. It took us like 15 minutes to find each other in Tokyo station. Tokyo station is so large that when my train goes underground to start to pull in, it goes for like 6 minutes at regular speed before it stops at the platform. Afterwards, we walked to a Starbucks that was close by. I went to this exact one 2 weeks prior during my disastrous phone repair sponsored trip to Tokyo, the apple store employee told me where to go. The building it is next to is really big and on the inside there's a large place in the middle for art installations or this time it was various regional omiyage being sold. This time I got a triple espresso iced latte with oat milk and the espresso was so strong I was thrilled. We shared a banana rice milk muffin and an American waffle. Both were good but the waffle was better. I love Starbucks because it feels the same no matter where you are in the world (though the nice cups and plates did make it hard for me to suspend my belief).

I needed shirts for work so we went to the giant Uniqlo in Ginza. It may be the biggest technically but it's vertically big, so when we were going up each escalator to every floor the floors seemed small to me. The Osaka Uniqlo felt bigger to me even though it was only 3 floors if I remember correctly, because it was horizontally larger (than vertically). The store was beautiful and had a lot of winter clothes out and everything was organized well. I needed summer clothes though and so we spent a longer time looking for t-shirts and pants. It's still really hot here and in Tokyo so I'm not sure why the fall/winter clothes are in full swing. I got some work appropriate t-shirts and lounge pants but I couldn't find any work pants that aren't full trousers. I also got a nice dark green sweatshirt for 1990 yen which is crazy because in the US in winter those sweatshirts are like 40/50 dollars.

After Uniqlo we went to the Shake Shack we had passed on the way there. The food was so good it felt like we had been reborn. The seasonal lemonade is mango right now, and it was seriously amazing. We both agreed it would taste really good with vodka too. There's also a black sesame shake on the menu currently and I want to try it despite not being able to. By the grace of god, we got seats just as we were walking back to stand around a table.

I was excited to see the Animate because it's well known for carrying all sorts of anime goods. It was really cool to see as a whole. I was surprised by the lack of escalators for the 7 floors. There was an elevator but only one. I found Bungou Stray Dogs stuff. I'm lucky that season 5 is in the middle of airing right now because that's why there was merch. There wasnt that much to choose from in my opinion but im also devoted to two side characters (technically speaking). I did get a folder with Chuuya on it to hang in my house. There was a lot of Genshin merch. This was so fun to see in person. There were buttons for practically every character and I finally found Ayato (my genshin main) merch! I got cute Ayato themed post-its and a Tartagila plushie/ keychain. I was hoping for any Trigun merch or Honkai Star Rail merch but there was none. The lack of Trigun stuff didn't surprise me because that's more popular in America. But HSR is new and I see ads on the train all the time for it and so I was surprised that there was nothing. Definitely better for my wallet but not my heart.

[lilliesforya]

Black coffee in the inaka

I'm not a huge fan of black coffee. I like hot coffee with hazelnut creamer. I like hot oat milk lattes with caramel and cinnamon. Honestly, I'll pretty much drink any coffee or espresso presented to me. But black coffee? Not really. When I'm traveling, I'll drink it black (when there's no milk alternatives available). During my regular life though, I'm jumping through every hoop to find something to put in it. For example, I managed to find oat milk in my small Japanese town about one week in. All that being said, I frequently have black coffee in Japan. Milk alternatives aren't very common here, when they exist it's usually soy and almond if you're lucky. (If you're in a big city, Starbucks has oat milk lattes on the menu now.) At one of my schools, sometimes they give me black iced coffee and I react as if someone has placed a La Colombe oatmilk draft latte in front of me. The first time I was there, I was given cream and sugar to go with it. I can’t have cream even though I wanted it and I didn’t want sugar, so I had it black. I don't know what it is about it, maybe it's because I don't take sugar in my coffee regularly or the coffee is brewed differently but I drank it like it was a lifeline. And it was so good. It is so good. I think it may be the taste of familiarity- coffee hits home for me over tea (though I do love being given barley tea). Or maybe the coffee has more caffeine- it's marketed as iced coffee so there's a chance it's cold brewed- and I'm always tired at work so it hits hard. The coffee I'm referring to is Nestle brand. I think it may have sugar in it because it's not as bitter as traditional black coffee. The chocolate notes are so distinct. I can actually taste them. I'm getting distracted. Anyway, I drink way too much of it at one of my schools and get wired. I do this pretty much every time I'm there. I can't help myself. I need to go for a walk. I can't be sitting down. I go to the bathroom 7 times. I go and wash my cup out to prevent myself from drinking more. If I have class right at the peak of the caffeine hit, I feel insane. I understand more and less Japanese at the same time. The kids speak casual Japanese, really quickly. Sometimes, I do understand them but never fully and I can't always figure out how to respond. The way they speak is sometimes favorable to me because casual Japanese omits words, sometimes making the general statement easier to understand for me. But other times I fail to understand what they're getting at because of the omitted words but also my brain operates in the wrong social, linguistic, and cultural context. I would love to speak complete sentences but alas, one word answers are usually all I have.

More on Starbucks: I was in Tokyo the other week and I went to a Starbucks. I was over the moon excited because oat milk lattes are on the menu now. When I was in Japan the first time in 2019, that wasn't a thing and I always had to ask the barista about milk alternatives or just take it black. I got a medium hot oat milk latte and an earl gray donut. They use Califia oat milk if I'm not mistaken. It might have been Oatly but I'm pretty sure it was Califia. My issue was I could not taste the espresso. I took off the top and stirred it to see if it had espresso in it. It did. I'm specific about coffee but not usually picky. This however made me so annoyed. Next time, I'm getting a small and adding an additional shot. The donut tasted exactly like earl gray so the taste reminded me of fragrance a bit. This didn't bother me half as much as the cream inside of it did. Donuts with frosting on the top shouldn't have cream inside of them. I wish the latte was stronger. I ended up leaving it in an electronics store hours later. I felt bad about this but I didn't want it so not as bad as I should have (mind you I did drink ¾ of it).

Cleaning time

So in Japanese schools, there is a 15 minute period each day reserved for cleaning time. Sometimes it's at the end of the day but at some of my schools it's after lunch and before the last two periods of the day. During this time all of the students clean the school. I witness (and participate) in cleaning time the most at my middle school so that's where most of my information is coming from. From what I can understand, the kids are assigned an area of the school and during the time they clean it. There are brooms, dustpans, and mops but not wet mop looking sweepers in a designated area. They also have cloths to clean the sinks in the bathroom and the sinks that line the hallways (that's normal in schools here). I don't know where they get the cloths. Some kids also are on trash duty, vacuuming the teachers office, cleaning the gym, wiping spots on the floor, and cleaning the mats outside. I love cleaning time because I love doing physical activity. Sometimes if I don't have class right before cleaning time, I'll just have been sitting and I can't sit still. Is it my fault for drinking as much coffee as I want? Probably. I usually help sweep the hallway, it reminds me of my many coffee shop closes. There is music only disney songs playing over the PA system too and I can recognize all of them except one song. The kids sometimes look shocked when they see me sweeping. Maybe it's because I'm new and foreign and maybe it's because not all teachers clean? Most of them do and even if they're not cleaning everytime most teachers are in charge of one area in the school and after cleaning time is over they have to be dismissed by them. Some teachers always thank me for helping which is sweet but I would never give up an opportunity to be out of my seat and actively doing something. Plus, I like helping and I ought to help clean the school I'm working at. I told one teacher who speaks really good English that I like cleaning the school but not my house (true) and she laughed. I haven't figured out where they keep the cleaning stuff in one of my schools so I haven’t started helping but also there's no students in the vicinity so it's harder to just blend in. (If I ask, no one will let me help so I have to just be doing it for it to be permitted.) Maybe I'll go upstairs to their class soon. In my other school, I'm not there for cleaning time on one of the days I'm there. I haven't seen them clean yet. But for somme reason I’m the most uncomfortable in that school's teachers room so you already know I'll be GONE as soon as the cute cleaning time music starts playing.

9/15 so I was gone as soon as I was left alone. There was a lunchtime English broadcast so I had to be like helping with that but I was so insanely overstimulated I feel like I was off putting to the teacher there slightly. I’m sure he understands, even though he gets even less breaks than me. All elementary school teachers here do so much it is actually mind blowing. I wanted to help with cleaning time after but I ended up just standing outside in the shade on the side of the school. I wanted to be outside and not in the teachers room, so I could be free to laugh out loud at my phone. I needed to be not able to be spoken to for like 10 minutes to regulate. It helped but the last class of the day after that actually almost killed me.

[lilliesforya]

Mid September ~

Today I understood something but I don’t know what

I’ve been helping the students prepare for their speech contest for the past week. Sometimes they understand my corrections but usually the teacher translates for them. We all rotate the privilege of understanding someone speak. However, every so often I understand something beyond inferred information and context clues. I’ll understand what’s being said in Japanese but won’t be able to translate it fully. It is just understanding appearing in my head. It reminds me of Spanish class in high school. Some stuff I translated in my head and other phrases and sentences I just understood. It would happen way more in Spanish than in Japanese but the random bits of understanding Japanese help lighten the mental load of never knowing fully what’s going on. I remember when it happened in speech contest practice because it was the first time I noticed it.

9/14 The kids did well in the contest but I wish I could have seen them perform. Some ALTs are allowed to go to the contest but not my city. I did get to see them leave for the contest and I must have scared them a little when I said “good luck!” in English. Some of the material was unfairly hard for some of them so as much as I could help with pronunciation, it may still sound awkward. One kid had a poem and I was like even an American student your age would have trouble performing that effectively, so don't feel bad.

Next week, some of the teachers are taking a group of the older students to their sister city in America. I have never been to that part of America so I'm excited to hear what they think of it. I saw the schedule and it looks very packed, so I hope they can enjoy some free time. I told the class with the students to visit Walmart if they really wanted to experience America and I was only half joking. (I was being sarcastic but mostly talking to myself. I'm sure no one heard.) I wish they were visiting a more diverse area of America, so they could see different people and hear different languages. That sort of synthesis of cultures makes America really distinctive, especially in comparison to Japan. I'm hoping at the very least they encounter Spanish once or see a non-white person. I told them to take many pictures! I’m awful at recording memories with images and I regret it only afterwards. America is thought of as one collective country here because that's what most other countries are but its not easy to generalize. When people ask me questions I'm very quick to specify on the east coast, or in my state, or in my general area.. etc, because I have no idea about the other places in America. I'm from the east coast, and some of the other jets are from the midwest, and west coast. There are few questions you could ask all of us where the answer would be the same. Just today, I told the kids in one class that I liked fall because the weather gets cooler. They were younger so I said America (and nowhere specific) but that statement isn't true for like half the country. It's only half true now for my hometown too with global warming and all.

Articles and Prepositions

I haven't been in school for long. Barely a month at that. But something I have noticed is the absence of articles and prepositions when the students speak or write English. This makes sense- there aren't articles in Japanese and their prepositions (particles) serve a different purpose in the sentence structure. Sometimes two different prepositions are translated the same way/ non distinctive ways in Japanese. While I'm sure there are ways to get specific, because Japanese is so contextual and it just doesn't have the same amount of words English does (to mean basically the same things) it is really hard for students to understand. I don't blame them, if someone told me that one word in my native language had maybe 5 different translatable words depending on the specific sentence in English, I'd be pressed. Also, most English prepositions are like either 1 of 2 particles. There's always 5 ways to say something in English for every 1 way to say it in Japanese. It goes both ways though. Sometimes, I don't know how to say something in Japanese because I'm stuck on a specific word and it ends up that the word I needed is actually a word I knew- I was just thinking too specifically about what I was trying to say. I also tend to express myself with metaphors, similes, and other flowery language that isn't accessible to me in Japanese. And sarcasm. It is like going to war but war is communication and I have no ammo. The gun by itself doesn't do anything.

[lilliesforya]

The first week of school and NPC mode at the grocery store

September 7th

I go to three different schools during the week. One junior high school (US grades 7,8,9) and 2 elementary schools (US grades 1-6). Two of my schools were recently renovated and it was done by the same company so the interiors are almost exactly the same. This only matters to me, who gets super confused in the middle of the hallway when looking for classrooms or the bathroom. Just yesterday, I walked to what I thought was the bathroom only to find it was a different room because I was thinking of the other school. It makes my brain fully have a moment where it needs to restart like an old computer because I'm usually so tired that I can't take whatever is happening to me anymore at any time. It's really funny though. I used the experience to talk to teachers standing by. My days blend together easily because I go to different schools each day but could have seen the same teachers or students a day or two before. Having speech contest practice after work does ground me back in reality but no matter when it goes until I usually end up home around 5pm. 

I hate that I have to bring my own lunch to school. It is so annoying to have to think of meals for lunch when everyone else gets to have school lunch. I'm thinking of sticking it out for a little while and then asking if I can just see the schedule in advance and see what I can and can't eat. Because making lunch is not sustainable for me. It is expensive and I'm always so tired that it takes so much mental work to make myself make a barely passable lunch. 

I like being in class so far. I have a hard time remembering what age groups I'm working with because of the different classifications of grade levels, so I try not to judge the English ability. I usually think of it like “If I would have known the Spanish for this at their age, then it's viable for questioning why they don't know it” . Though, it's important to note that it's nearly impossible to gauge because the kids are extremely reluctant to speak. They are good at repeating after me or the teacher. And some classes are comfortable doing pair work outloud or shouting the answer to me but oddly the English level is dependent on the individual class composition, not the grade level. When I walk around the class and look at their papers or worksheets I can see what they understand. The English they write is usually fine, or even good or great. Honestly, the girls and some of the boys have nicer handwriting than native English speakers. They understand the concepts most likely, there's just no surefire way to make them say anything sometimes especially in junior high. Their testing primarily is writing, reading, and listening from what I can see so far but I don't know if there is any speaking component. I don't remember if I was speaking for a test grade in 9th grade Spanish but we were definitely writing dialogues and presenting them in front of the class. I'm sure it's even harder with a native English speaker who they barely know just standing there, but I think they can do more than they let on for the most part. Some kids were even bold enough to ask me questions about their work straight up in class, it was really heartwarming.

The kids also enjoy talking to me about shared interests. I included pictures from my first time in Japan and pictures of the video games I play in the powerpoint I presented to them to give them material to work with. Also, all of the things I own (phone, laptop, water bottle, planner, etc.) are all insanely customized with stickers of things I like and both students and teachers use it to talk to me. There really is no comparable feeling to being in the teachers office and some teacher you just met points to your water bottle and asks "do you like gojo satoru?" Or "where is sannomiya located?" Seriously not everything feels like something else because I was floored both times. But the students, especially the girls, like to talk to me about Genshin or anime and it's super cute. I'm thankful for the Japanese that I do know that makes me able to communicate these likes to them. Plus, in classes where the English level is lower, being able to ask them if they have questions or if I can read the prompts of their English workbooks helps me to help them. 

At the beginning of each class, I do the greeting. I ask them how they are doing, the day, the date, and the weather. This is fine but my issue is that it's super confusing to me to ask “what  is the day today” to get the day of the week as the answer. I always fumble this because I ask “What day of the week is it?” Especially because the question after that is “ what is the date today or what is today's date?” I feel like the weekday question should not sound so similar. However, no one asked me and I will just have to stumble over it until procedure wins over my natural phrasing. 

I also really enjoy being the English language authority in the class. Not in an overbearing way, but like when the teacher doesn't know how to spell a difficult word or the pronunciation of something, or if a sentence is awkward or okay they ask me. I love being asked these things because I have an opinion on everything and it's the one part of my experience here where I'm the authority on something. It is the most familiar role to me in Japan thus far. Back home, I am the oldest, the responsible one, etc etc  my judgment is sound and my opinions are respected and sought after. I like being listened to. Here, I'm an NPC at most and a court jester at worst. Also, Japanese social and workplace hierarchy makes it so that very few people's opinions actually matter. I don't mind not being asked about stuff that I clearly don't know anything about (like how a japanese school system functions) but the American in me (my pronouns are USA) wants so clearly to just comment on literally anything. 

Switching topics but related in my head, at the grocery store I go full NPC mode for the most part. If I'm there on a weekend it may be different because I have energy, but I like to go after work for the most part. Unfortunately for me, everyone else also likes to go after work. So, the day I went after work for the first time I was treated to the most people staring at me that I've encountered in a while. I don't blame them. It must be odd seeing a nicely dressed foreigner in the middle of their local small town supermarket, but I wake up foreign here every day and I frequent these places often, so it feels worse than if I was a tourist passing through. Though, if they stare because I'm using my phone to google translate literally all of  the products they get a pass because that's completely excusable. Like, hey buddy, did you just blow in from stupid town? 

I like the grocery store sensory experience and I usually go to the same place so it feels nice to see familiar things and learn where things are. I always find new things like on that trip after work, I found ice pops. I  also like to look at all the interesting sweets they have. I was minding my own business staring at the sweets ( and google translating the ingredient lists) and I was thinking about how embarrassing it would be if someone from work or somewhere else saw me shopping. I don't know why I thought this because everyone shops but it was plaguing my thoughts nonetheless. Then I heard a sound of vague recognition, looked up, and saw two teachers from the school I was just at, one of them being an English teacher I just worked half the day with. I was mortified because it felt like the universe read my mind and because I  wasn't in work mode. I had already begun to shed my mask of normalcy for the day and was content being nonverbal in the grocery store, so I choked out the weirdest sounding ‘hi’ I've ever said and then had an interaction where I attempted and was mostly successful in trying to sound normal saying hello etc. Don't get me wrong, it was literally just a basic hello/ cool seeing you here and they spoke English to me! I can't even complain! Plus, it's cute to be recognized in the community that I live in. but jesus christ did I have like a horror video game youtuber level jumpscare from my own consciousness manifesting my anxiety fueled thought spiral into the grocery store.