#definitely for matt actually because last time he was RIDICULOUSLY busy and some people lost out

[dmitri-smerdyakov]

YOOOOOOOOOOO

THIS IS NOT A DRILL, FARAMIR IS GONNA BE AT LONDON COMIC CON

Also Dileep Rao, who’s in Inception AND the Avatar movies?!? And Matt Smith?!?

IT’S £347 TO MEET MATT AND DAVID ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 114 prt 2

Lance bit down a laugh, relieved to know they didn’t suspect macaroon was a baby and not a dessert snack

“That’s right. You were in hospital. Hunk said it was an accident. Are you okay?”

Why was Shay bringing that up now?

“Yeah. I had a stomach bug and fainted. A whole lot of worry for nothing”

“Plus he’s been working in Platt...”

Hunk was trying to help, but how was he supposed to explain that? Especially when Shay looked so interested

“You’re a lawyer, right?”

“Yep. Family law. It always gets busy towards Christmas”

“Don’t let them lie to you, Shay. He and Keith have totally shacked up. We’ve been abandoned”

Shay giggled as she bumped Pidge with her shoulder

“They are kind of cute together”

“If by cute you mean “totally gross”, then sure”

Shiro finally decided to “Dad” up

“Now, now. They’re happy. That’s the main thing. So what do we want to do now?”

“I could totally go for a nap right here... the fire feels so nice. Kosmo’s got the right idea, totally digging out and letting the fire warm his balls”

Lance wished he had something to throw at Matt, instead Rieva proved to be on his side

“Mmm... that’d be nice. I left my book in our cabin. I could go for dogging out too”

Werewolves. You couldn’t take them anywhere. Curtis seemed to be on team “lounge about” too. Lance had kind of thought the weather would be clearer and they’d be able to explore the area more

“We could do presents? It’d be an excellent way to warm up again”

“Yes! Okay, let me get mine for Keith!”

“And I’ll get ours!”

Hunk seemed enthused

“Matt’s going to brave the snow and get ours, the fire’s too nice to leave”

“Baaaabe”

“Awww, do you need me to hold your hand”

“Yes”

Rieva shoved Matt in the shoulder

“Go get ours before I throw you into the snow. And be nice. Go grab Lance’s present and his heat packs. He’s making me cold looking at him”

Matt dragged himself up

“Yes, boss. Do you two want anything else from your cabin?”

Lance knew it was horrible, yet he was struck with the strong feeling of not wanting Matt in his and Keith’s space. He knew it had to be his ego being stupid, but the feeling was uncomfortable and unwanted. When he didn’t answer, Keith answered for him

“Nah, thanks for asking, man”

“Okay... I guess I’ll be back soon. No stealing my spot while I’m gone. I farted on it”

Pidge wrinkled her nose

“Are you sure you don’t just stink all the time?”

“Not funny, Katie”

“Come over here and say that. I’ll bite you”

“And risk my ankles? I think not”

Pidge glared at Matt who darted out the living area. Stupid werewolves and their high body heat, and stupid feelings. He’d nearly growled at Matt as he’d passed Keith. This was beyond ridiculous. How the fuck was he supposed to keep his secret for the whole weekend, let alone until the next scan? Maybe he should just take his bad mood back to the cabin after the presents. It was Keith’s birthday. He shouldn’t be acting pissy at their friend for absolutely no reason.

*

Shiro’s gift wasn’t funny. His brother was an arsehole. He’d taken a photo of him sleeping, mouth open and all, then had it printed on a blanket, with matching socks. Shiro laughing far too hard at the look on Keith’s face. He’d wanted to open Lance’s first, but Lance seemed nervous for some strange reason, so Keith was now saving his for last. He knew whatever his boyfriend gave him, it had to be better than Shiro’s.

From Curtis he received a bat. A soft toy, but none the less it was bat. Poor Shay didn’t get the joke, Lance explaining Keith was totally terrified of them. Keith defending himself over the incident in the mine, though it was pretty good coverup story if he thought about it. He liked bats a little more, though only when they were Lance and not flying past his head like some great doom cloud. Curtis producing a second present that was heavily influenced by Shiro, because it was a damn bobble head of a bat. But of them sucked... not that he’d admit it, and not that they really did... Okay, Shiro did, but he already knew how lame his brother was. At least it wasn’t more sex toys. He hadn’t even told Lance he’d brought a few things with him.

Hunk’s gift was more practical. Seeing Keith’s bike still wasn’t on the road it was a voucher for his dad’s garage. At $250 it was far too much, despite Hunk insisting he’d be doing most of the work and Keith could help if he wanted too.

Shay’s gift was a fuel card for Balmera, to go with his bike once it was up and going, and stern lecture about visiting more because they missed him. It was nice... but still, he felt like it was too much. He didn’t need $100 voucher on top of Hunk’s, though Shay said she used her staff discount it was still... a lot.

Pidge was a gremlin. She’d always be a gremlin. She’d brought him a hard book map of Platt, laughing about his terrible sense of direction, and GPS tracker that kind of looked like the ones worn when under house arrest. She laughed at the confused look on her face, explaining it was for Lance so he wouldn’t lose his boyfriend when they were out. If anyone needed a GPS it was Matt. Especially after he and Rieva had “relocated” a cow for Lance’s birthday.

From Kosmo he was gifted a bag of treats and new harness seeing the old one was snug with how much his dog had grown. Shiro had picked it out... it was red with little bones on it... definitely more his brother’s taste.

Matt had gifted him a voucher for a bike shop. Keith wondering if he really seemed the voucher type. He was under orders to get a new helmet. He hadn’t thought about it, but all his friends had been pretty worried after his accident. It felt nice to be cared about... too cared about. This wasn’t like his birthday’s in the past. No Adam with his practical gifts... Or smell of burnt cake in the air.

Rieva had gifted him books... Vampire romance books... that he wasn’t sure how to accept. He only wanted to be intimate with one vampire, so possibly Lance would have a laugh out of them later. Shiro’s gift was bad but this wasn’t that great... Did Rieva always... Surely she didn’t just read porn... Rieva was smart, highly educated, and confident in herself... but even she couldn’t ignore pop culture making things seem like everything was possible when you were a vampire... Maybe she thought he could use a laugh?

Lance’s gift was finally the last. By now Keith really didn’t want to open up another voucher. He already had anxiety thinking about going shopping. Naturally he wanted to take Lance, but that was now even more dangerous. They hadn’t even had like a real date. They’d missed their reservation and opera with Lotor and Allura didn’t count. Lance‘a gift wasn’t that big... it felt like it was maybe two thing in there... and something kind of solid...

“Open it already!”

Trust Pidge to want to rush him. She probably wanted to know what vampires thought an acceptable gift when dating a hunter. Careful with the tag, he placed it aside. Yeah. No one else got that treatment, but then again, no one else had bothered putting a tag on it. The gift wrapped in red ribbon, Lance knowing he loved the colour red... the paper was plain white, not giving him any clues to the contents.

Unwrapping Lance’s present, he was actually really thrilled. It wasn’t a voucher. It wasn’t something to do with his bike, that he now felt a little self conscious about. He loved his bike and missed the feel of straddling her... not that Lance knew he called her a “her”. There was a small butterfly knife, not great in a real fight but a handy thing to have in a human fight. His collection of them was somewhere in the boxes from the move. The second knife was a proper good quality hunting knife, his name engraved on the hilt. This... this was definitely making onto his work belt

“I know you don’t like big expensive gifts. And I wanted to give you something useful. Just don’t go stabbing me with it”

Lance nuzzled into him, Keith kind of in shock. Like... he knew Lance paid close attention to the things he liked, and he felt like after Lance admitted he didn’t know much about cameras that it was Lance’s was of confessing he didn’t know much about him. He’d been totally wrong

“I won’t... babe... it’s perfect”

Keith hadn’t realised Shiro was actually recording the whole present opening thing. His brother chuckling

“I guess we know who’s gift he likes the most”

It was when he flipped his brother off that he noticed. It was probably bad that he wanted to start training with it...

“I love it...”

“We can tell. Happy birthday, kiddo”

Keith’s feelings flooded through him. The amount of love he felt for the group of people surrounding him was too much. He didn’t... he couldn’t thank them enough. Wrapping his arms around him, Keith hid his face against Lance’s cheek completely limp in Lance’s hold

“Happy birthday, samurai”

“I...”

“It’s okay... you’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to be scared too... Pidge is pretty scary”

“Fuck you. I’m a nice person when I want to be”

Lance chuckled

“See. She’s a terror. Okay, now that presents are done, I’m totally going for a nap... Take care of Keith for me”

He didn’t get to come? Shiro chuckled at the pair of them

“Don’t worry about that. He’s got his blades to play with. We’ll keep an eye on him”

“I’d prefer you kept both on him, or he’s likely to lose one of his own, and I’m afraid I can’t let him. I love his eyes too much”

*

When Lance left for his nap, Keith felt kind of lost. He couldn’t help but worry if his boyfriend made it back to the cabin and if he was okay. Still overwhelmed, he found himself sitting on the veranda of the cabin, playing with his camera because Shay would probably freak out if he played with his knife. Inside the others had figured out how to hook Pidge’s laptop up, playing some interactive game with their phones, which Hunk didn’t seem to be doing well at. Hearing the sliding door open, he knew it’d be Shiro coming to check on him.

Sitting down beside him, his brother looped his arm over Keith’s shoulders

“How you doing?”

“Okay... I... don’t really know”

“It’s definitely different to birthdays back in Rome”

“Yeah... louder... with more people and presents. It’s kind of weird”

“Really? I think it’s nice”

Keith looked up to Shiro who smiled down at him

“That’s because you’re weird”

“Nah. My baby brother is having the best birthday of his life. What more could I hope for?”

“Not to be surrounded by weirdos?”

“Nah. They’re fine. Is Lance okay?”

“He doesn’t like the cold...”

“I gathered that by how high the aircon’s been in the apartment. I also heard you kept a couple of wolves up last night”

Keith blushed. He loved the sounds Lance made and hadn’t thought about his voice carrying

“Yeah... I know it’s sex... but with him...”

“It feels special”

Special didn’t come close

“Yeah. We hadn’t done anything since the accident...”

“I understand that. As long as you two are okay, that’s all that matters”

“Are you okay? Is Curtis?”

“Yep. He’s worried about Lance but knows Lance will talk to him properly when he’s ready. He’s missed having him back at the house”

Keith groaned. He didn’t want Lance going back

“Kiddo?”

“I... it’s not fair but I... I get stuck thinking about what if he falls down the stairs again. We were so lucky the first time”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. I’m sure everything will be fine”

“The word for that is “macaroon””

“Let me guess, Lance decided?”

“Nope. We couldn’t decide what an “idiot crumpet” made when combined with an “anger loaf””

Shiro snorted with laughter

“He’s a bit strange with the bread analogies”

“He’s fine. I think you’re a croissant but it really depends on his mood”

“Because I’m delicious and a killer on the hips?”

Keith wrinkled his nose. His brother was too into this

“I don’t want to think about that. That can stay between you and Curtis”

“In that case let’s just say Curtis really likes croissants”

Thank god he didn’t say he liked buttered croissants or croissants with cream

“Ew... I’ve seen too much as it is. Is everyone else having fun?”

“Yeah. They get it. They don’t expect you to have to hide away what you’re feeling”

“Even when I don’t feel like I deserved everything they gave me. Them being here was enough”

“They chose gifts thinking of you. I gotta say, that GPS on your ankle would save me hours of worry”

“If you like it that much you should wear it”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

A comfortable silence fell between the two brothers. Shiro had done so much for him. Keith wished he knew how to pay him back for everything. He’d given him first happy birthday memories that he could remember. The door behind the slid open, then closed, again, Curtis coming out to join them. Sitting down on Keith’s other side, he was squashed in an idiot sandwich

“Pidge is ruthless. She and Shay have broken Hunk and Matt”

That sounded about normal for them, Keith asking

“And you?”

“Came to see what was taking you two so long. I was sure you’d be with Lance”

“He wanted to take a nap”

“I’ve noticed the change in his energy levels. Don’t tell me. He will when he’s ready. I do worry about him in the cold... It won’t kill him, but he may become aggressive if his body temperature drops too low”

Shiro sighed at Curtis

“Don’t stress Keith out. I’m sure Lance is fine”

Or he could be huddled up freezing his arse off

“Nope. I’m stressed now. I’m going to check on him. Shiro, take care of my camera for me, I’ll be back soon”

As Keith left the two idiots behind, he could hear Shiro scolding his boyfriend, Curtis protesting awkwardly. Their friends were so damn weird.

[pomegranate-belle]

Fic or Treat: how about smth based on your post the other day where Foggy doesn't realize he's in love with Matt 'objectively 11/10, anything less is heresy' Murdock? 😂 (it's been DAYS & i'm still thinking abt it so here we are LOL)

So this is somehow simultaneously set before Defenders and after DDS3 idk man, whatever.

Props to @kat8porgs and @thosemintcookies and @letsgetthisblog for helping me come up with some Dudes Hotter Than Matt Murdock, lol

—

Matt Murdock is pretty much the hottest guy on the planet. It’s an objective fact. There’s a lot of times Foggy despairs of this, but he’s never once questioned it; his best friend is a solid 10/10. Probably 11/10 when he does that one really sappy smile that only makes an appearance when he’s completely at ease or super drunk.

Misty Knight does not seem to agree, based on the unimpressed look on her face.

And look, there’s no accounting for taste, but Matt’s on another level. His appeal is undeniably universal. Like, as much as people have teased Foggy about fawning over Matt, it’s not gay or anything. Really. He’s just secure enough in his masculinity to be able to recognize how unfairly smokin’ hot his bff is. It’s a purely platonic observation, and the proof is that everyone else thinks Matt’s hot too.

“He’s not hot,” Misty says flatly, pushing Foggy’s phone back to the center of the cafe table.

It’s got one of Foggy’s best pictures of Matt on it — sitting at his desk in their office, hands scanning over some document or other and a look of intense concentration on his face. The lighting’s just right to show the red in his glasses and highlight his jaw.

“Are you high?” Foggy demands, jabbing a finger at the screen. “Just look at him! He’s beautiful!”

Misty snorts, then puts up her hands when Foggy glares at her.

“Look,” she begins, very obviously and condescendingly humoring him, “I’m not saying he’s ugly or anything, but when you say ‘ungodly man-beauty’ I expect to see some, y’know, ungodly man beauty. This? This is a generic-looking white boy.”

She’s lost it. That’s the only explanation. There’s nothing generic about Matt. Foggy tells her so, and her eyes sharpen a little with interest, though her mouth stays firmly in that ‘oh you poor fool’ smirk. In truth, maybe challenging a headstrong detective isn’t the smartest move; Misty is very perceptive. Not that Foggy has anything to hide. Because he doesn’t. And even if he did, he’s not necessarily known for making smart, rational decisions. Case in point: knocking out mobsters with a baseball bat, associating with someone reckless enough to earn the moniker Daredevil, and dating Marci Stahl not just once but twice.

Misty spins the phone back around and takes a second look, but there’s no dawning realization in her eyes. She shakes her head.

“And you couldn’t have gotten a picture sometime after he remembered how to use a razor?” she asks.

Foggy, of course, is offended on behalf of Matt’s pleasantly stubbly jaw. Matt looks good all the time, but he looks a lot less baby-faced with a little bit of facial hair — Foggy’s not sure whether a full-on beard would work well for Matt, but the stubble looks just right.

“The scruffiness is part of his charm!” he insists.

“He looks like a sad hobo in a business suit,” comes Misty’s totally ruthless reply.

Foggy has to gather his phone to his chest to protect Matt’s picture from such hurtful words.

“Sad hobo? We’re not talking about Rand again, are we? Because I got an earful from Hogarth the last time I suggested someone that rich should get better-fitted suits,” a familiar voice cuts in.

“Marci!” Foggy perks up — at last, a voice of cold, neutral sanity! “You’re finally here!”

Marci rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling with one eyebrow quirked and her arms subtly open — her usual ‘give me a hug’ posture.

“You didn’t think I’d miss a girls’ day out, did you?”

There’s a sudden, unexpected rush of relief and joy through Foggy’s veins as he thinks about their rekindled friendship. No matter how rough their first breakup was or how awkward their second, he’d missed her a lot in the years they weren’t speaking. He slips his phone into his pocket, then folds Marci into a hug.

“It’s good to see you too, Foggy Bear. I hear it’s been a busy month for you. Getting into heated disagreements with law enforcement again?”

As if he does it all the time! Really, it’s just bickering with Brett. And the people on the vigilante task forces. And those guys who’d been hassling Luke. And... Ok, maybe she has a point. Foggy clears his throat.

“Listen, that’s not important. I need you to tell Misty that she’s crazy. She says Matt’s not objectively attractive. But you saw, he had tons of dates in college, obviously all the girls thought he was hot.”

Marci gives Foggy a pitying smile that begins to erode his confidence with stomach-twisting effectiveness.

“Sweetie, the reason Murdock got so many dates was because he was confident but not a sexist jackhole.” She smirks. “Well. And because he was a big slut and everybody knew it. It’s not like there weren’t hotter guys on campus.”

“Name one,” Foggy orders, putting his hands on his hips like his Ma used to whenever he and Theo broke a window with their baseball.

Marci is a known bitch so she begins listing people off on her fingers.

“That guy Wyatt that Jen Walters started dating after you two broke up. The exchange student from Wakanda that quit second year. Eddie Brock on a good day. Sam Wilson every day. Cranston that one time in 2L when he was definitely trying to score with you. Shall I go on?”

“Tried to—” Foggy’s head is spinning, and he loses whatever argument he’d been cooking up about Matt’s hotness relative to these other guys. “Larry Cranston was a straight up dick, he never tried to score with me!”

“He definitely tried to score with you,” insists Marci. “At that post-midterm party first semester. But he’d already insulted Murdock by that point so you’d erased him from your dating pool and didn’t notice.”

“Well— then good riddance,” Foggy decides.

He continues to argue with Marci and Misty both until Karen arrives. Her face tells Foggy she’s somewhere between concerned and amused, but not enough to stop over before she’s got her drink in hand.

“The last time I saw you this fired up you were taking DA Tower to task,” she greets him. “What’s going on?”

“These two—” Foggy gestures at Marci and Misty— “have clearly lost it.”

“You’re the odd one out here,” says Misty.

But if he can get Karen to join his side, he won’t be — it’ll be fifty-fifty again.

“Look, unlike everyone else in this room she actually dated Matt, she’s got to agree with me. He’s objectively super hot, right, Karen?”

Karen blinks. Then she glances out the window and takes a long, awkward slurp of her coffee. Foggy throws his hands in the air. His perception of the world is literally crumbling around him. Or else everyone else has gone nuts.

“Karen, come on!” Foggy all but pleads. “You dated him!”

“Because he was really sweet to me! It’s not like someone has to be Adonis for me to date them, Foggy, I’m not that shallow! I mean, I like how he looks well enough, but he’s not as hot as, I don’t know, Idris Elba or Jason Momoa or somebody.”

She seems unbothered by the assertion. But, the thing is... Well, movie stars are all well and good, Foggy supposes, but they don’t have Matt’s... Matt-ness. That perfect, undefinable, essence-of-Matt thing that accentuates his natural beauty. Foggy doesn’t know how even Karen could have missed it, but Foggy’s got evidence on his side. He thumbs through the photos on his phone again, stopping on one from a couple months ago.

It’s of Matt, obviously. A closer shot, facing him head on. His hair is ruffled, his glasses are off, and there are small, happy little crinkles at the corner of his eyes. His smile is earnest and stunning. There’s a single fading bruise on his jaw. It’s Foggy’s absolute favorite picture of Matt, incontrovertible proof that Matt’s happiness isn’t trapped in rosy memories of the past. Proof that Daredevil is still Matt, still Foggy’s Matt, that the solid core of their friendship was never a lie.

Foggy wasn’t gonna use this — his final resort — because it’s... It’s private, and close to his heart. Matt keeps these smiles hidden, doesn’t show them to just anybody or for just any reason. It makes Foggy feel like he should guard them too. But the others just don’t get it, and Foggy’s determined to make them understand. Squaring his shoulders, he shoves his phone at Misty.

“There!” he snaps. “Ok? Just— just look at that smile and tell me he’s only average!”

Misty accepts the phone and studies the picture on it for a long, long time.

“I’ll give you the smile,” she admits at last, handing it back. “It is a nice one. But it still only bumps him up to 7/10.”

Foggy’s jaw drops.

“That’s ridiculous!”

“It isn’t though, Foggy Bear,” sighs Marci, raking her manicured nails through her hair. “It’s totally reasonable, you just can’t make an objective judgment because you’re literally in love with him.”

Foggy laughs, but it sounds strained and hysterical even to his own ears.

“Of course I’m not in love with him.”

Karen reaches out and squeezes his shoulder with a look on her face that makes Foggy want to scream.

“Foggy...”

“I’m not!”

Because he’s not. He isn’t, he can’t be. He can’t be in love with Matt, because that would suck. Not loving Matt, any idiot would be lucky to do that, but... Matt has a Type. And regardless of what Marci and Misty and Karen say about Matt’s own attractiveness, it’s at least true that the people Matt goes for are always super beautiful women. That being the criteria, Foggy’s a perfect zero out of a hundred. Being in love with Matt would be an exercise in futility, and more than a little pathetic.

“I’m not, I...” Foggy tries again, staring down at the picture of Matt smiling. “I...” His heart squeezes in his chest. “Oh, god, I’m in love with him.”

When Foggy manages to look up, the others are watching him with concern. That seems appropriate, because he himself is also very concerned, beneath the numbness of his shock.

“Oh, Foggy Bear...” Marci sighs. “I’m sorry. I thought you just didn’t want to admit it out loud. I never realized you didn’t actually know.”

Foggy takes a shaky breath, squeezes his eyes shut until he’s sure he’s not gonna start crying.

“This sucks,” he says, trying to make light of it and failing epically when his voice breaks.

Even though she looks the most uncomfortable, Misty is the first to speak.

“Isn’t it better to know?”

“Not even a little,” Foggy says miserably. “Because he won’t— he wouldn’t want...”

“You don’t know that, Foggy,” Karen tells him.

But he does know that. Matt has a Type, and Foggy isn’t it. He shakes his head.

“What... What am I supposed to do now...?”

“Now,” Karen says firmly, grabbing one of his hands and lacing their fingers together, “we go have our girls’ day out.”

It’s Marci’s turn to choose, so Foggy expects to spend the afternoon day-drinking away his feelings. Instead, he ends up at an animal shelter.

Marci does not like dogs, but she’s very partial to kittens, and doesn’t even seem to mind all the fur getting on her designer clothes. Meanwhile, Karen spends her time making goofy cooing noises to a particularly happy pit bull, and Misty plays fetch with an excitable golden retriever.

“It’s just like Danny,” she jokes, startling a laugh out of Foggy for the first time since his unfortunate realization.

For his own part, Foggy plays a little with as many of the animals as he can, but he’s especially fond of an orange tabby that likes to pounce off of high places. Because of course that’s the one that catches his eye, right? Foggy is, he’s beginning to realize, completely hopeless.

Truthfully, though, hanging out with Misty, Karen, Marci, and the animals does manage to do a good job of keeping his mind off the whole Matt Thing entirely — right up until they drop him off at his apartment. Afterwards, well, there’s nothing to distract him. Foggy spends the evening moping, and maybe eats too much ice cream before curling up under the covers and taking an early night.

—

He wakes at what the red numbers on his alarm clock assure him is 3:17am. There’s a rapid, ceaseless knocking on his window. Foggy takes a good five seconds to groan into his pillow and then forces himself to get up.

However, he’s barely climbed out of his bed before he’s tackled back into it. A very familiar idiot in a black mask is pinning him to the sheets, gloved hands on his shoulders, knees bracketing his hips.

“Foggy, Foggy—”

“Matt what the fuck?” Foggy wheezes, because— really, what the fuck?

Matt rips off his mask and throws it somewhere. He’s grinning like an idiot, and even in the low light Foggy can tell that the look in his eyes is tender but exhilarated.

“You’re in love with me?” Matt asks, breathless and giddy.

The combination of those words with that unexpected tone means Foggy has to give his brain a few seconds to reboot before he can reply.

“I. I’m. Yes?”

Matt’s smile becomes somehow more dazzling.

“Good,” he says, like a big dork, and tugs Foggy up into a kiss.

It’s a good kiss. Like, a really good kiss. So good that maybe it takes Foggy a few minutes of really good kissing and one pinch to his own arm to be sure it’s not a dream.

Eventually, probably because it’s literally 3:30 in the freaking morning, Matt flops himself down on Foggy’s chest and his ardor cools into sleepy, catlike nuzzling.

“I love you too,” he offers at last, about fifteen minutes after he really ought to have, still pressing tiny kisses to Foggy’s throat.

Foggy can only laugh and gather him closer, disbelief and joy fizzing in his chest like soda.

“Yeah. I kind of figured.”

—

It’s 8:42 the next morning when Foggy thinks to ask what exactly tipped Matt off about his feelings. Matt’s posture gets cagey and sheepish.

“What?” Foggy asks. “Is it really that bad?”

“Well...”

Matt pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and holds it out for Foggy to take. After some silent prompting, Foggy accepts it and navigates to voicemail amidst the narration of the phone’s screen reader. There’s one message. Cautiously, Foggy clicks play.

“Hey!” Marci’s voice says loudly. “Hey! Answer your phone Murdock, I know you don’t sleep! Fucker.”

She’s pretty clearly drunk. The voicemail only gets more angry and incoherent from there; Foggy’s pretty sure she calls Matt ‘Wal-Mart brand white bread’ at one point, which... Ouch. But she also says a lot of sappy stuff about Foggy deserving the world. And then it returns to the insults when she says that if Matt wasn’t ‘too busy cultivating a greasy Castaway beard’ he would have admitted his ‘stupid, stu— smoof— smooch— schmoopy, that’s the one, schmoopy’ feelings by now because Foggy loves him too and they’re both big idiots making themselves sad for no reason.

“Ah,” Foggy murmurs when the message finally, finally ends. “Well. That’s... Something.”

Matt nods, chokes out a laugh.

“Pretty much,” he agrees.

“Um. I... I’m really sorry about her.”

“No. I, um... I’m glad. You know. That she called,” Matt tells him, and wow that earnest face is too intense for Foggy’s poor weak heart. “I.” Matt straightens his shoulders, takes a deep breath. “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Foggy says wonderingly. “You do, don’t you?”

He can see it now, on Matt’s face — and he suddenly realizes it’s been there a long time, that part of Matt’s indescribable beauty, his Matt-ness, is... Being-in-love-with-Foggy-ness. That Foggy makes Matt as happy as Matt makes him.

“Foggy,” Matt whines, mouth curling down into a slight pout.

“What?” And then it hits him. “Oh! Right. Yeah. I love you too, Matty.”

And like magic, like the flash of sunlight reflecting off glass, it’s back again — Matt’s perfect smile.

[rational-mastermind]

Heya for anyone that’s been following along with what my dumbass has been saying, I’m doing a daily challenge for the entirety of the month. And some may have noticed I didn’t post yesterday or the day before. I was sick and wasn’t even gonna try to make myself write until feeling better. I’m still recovering, but I managed to feel well enough to write today. So here’s day 18. (18?? Shit, I need to catch up.) Anyway, day 18 with my oldest OCs, Malan and Matthew, from Whatever it Takes.

--

 “I don’t get sick!” I feebly protested, before my body betrayed me with another fit of coughing. “This is ridiculous!”

  “I’m sorry, Poppy, but there’s no denying it.” my little brother Dexter shrugged with a sheepish grin. “You’re sick. That’s all there is to it.”

  “Gosh damn..” I fell back into the pillows on my cot and sighed.

  When was the last time I was sick? Oh right. Sept. 13th, 8 years ago. Great.. My throat was scratchy, and I could only breathe through one nostril. My eyes started watering, but I tried not to let it too much.

   “Well.. At least I’ve got you to help me through this..” my voice came out hoarse and it hurt to speak. I tried to keep it to a whisper.

   “Actually.. I’m gonna be busy.” Dexter rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m needed in the infirmary.”

   “Oh.. Shit.” I sighed. “Well.. Then you go do a good job, kay?”

   “I will.” Dexter smiled at me reassuringly and then pulled the sheets around me. “You just try to get some rest, kay?”

   “Got it.”

   With that, Dexter gave me a hug and left. For the most part, I laid there, noting the way my skin was crawling, electrified with hypersensitivity, and the way that made the sheets feel even colder. Almost painful. I tried to shake it off and get some sleep, but found it difficult. If only getting sick didn’t have to suck so much.

   I had no way of telling how long I had been laying there, it must’ve been a few hours, but then the door opened and I was surprised to find my friend, Matt poking his head in.

  “Hey, Malan.” he greeted as he entered. “How goes it?”

  “Mmm..” I grumbled and curled away. “Matt, I don’t think you should be in here.. You could catch my cold.”

   “Ah, I doubt it. I never really get sick.” he shrugged. “But Dexter was worried about you, thought you’d like some company, so I came in to check on you.”

   In all honesty, I wish he hadn’t sent Matt. Matt was a good man. Tall, loyal, well built, a mess of dark brown hair that hid a good head on his shoulders, a caring heart. And for all intents and purposes he made it hard for me to really know how to feel. I felt like I could be honest and open with him, more so than almost anyone else in the rebellion, and yet at the same time I found it difficult to really put my thoughts and words together. It was hard to really decipher my emotions when he was around.

   For some reason a part of me felt embarrassed that he was here while I was sick, but I couldn’t understand why I felt like that. It was kind of frustrating, over all.

   “You really shouldn’t have…” I said.

   “Just relax, Malan.” he sat down on the edge of the bed and held out his hand to me.  I sat up and he handed me a couple of pills. I hadn’t noticed he was also carrying a glass of water and handed that when I took the medicine. “I’m just gonna keep you company while you rest up.”

   I sighed and gave him a skeptical look.

   “There’s no way to talk you out of this, is there?”

   “Nope.” he grinned.

   I shrugged and laid back down. Matt sat at the edge of the bed.

   “So how bad is it?”

   “Pretty bad..” I grumbled. “I can’t talk much.”

   “Ah. Gotcha.” Matt nodded. “Should I keep quiet then?”

   “Preferably.”

   “Cool. Cool.”

   It only took a short time but soon I could feel the medicine take its effect. My fever started to go down, and the hypersensitivity was replaced by a warm fuzziness that covered my skin. I still wasn’t comfortable though and kept tossing and turning. Matt noticed and chuckled.

   “Having a hard time sleeping?”

   “Yeeeesss…” I groaned.

   “Here, lemme help.”

   Matt turned into a wolf, albeit a smaller one, and stretched out across my lap, effectively pinning me to the bed. I couldn’t help the yelp which was soon followed by another coughing fit.

   “Dammit, Matt, don’t do that!” I scolded him.

   He just merely chuckled. The smug jerk.

   “Well, I thought it’d help.” he said to innocently.

   “You thought you could get away with this under the guise of just trying to help.” I huffed and tried to push him off. “And I don’t- hoolllyy shit your fur is soft!”

   The medicine was definitely kicking in. I’ll swear it to my grave that it was the only reason why I did what I did. And that is to say, that only because of the medicine, that I lost the rationale to not think twice before wrapping my arms around his big soft, furry body and leaning more into him, burying my face in his soft coat. He moved and adjusted so that I could lay down while enjoying the sensation, which could or could not be construed as cuddling by anyone else’s perspective.

   “See, was that so hard?” he hummed.

   “Mmm. Shuddup..” I mumbled, my senses slipping into a hazy fog. “I’s… Your fault…”

   “Oh is it?”

   “Yes.” I sighed. “I’s always yer fault..”

   “Like what?”

   “Mmm. Noo..” I didn’t wanna say. So I curled up into a tighter ball and buried myself more into his soft coat.

   We laid like that for a while, and once in a while he would gently nudge me with his muzzle, checking to see if I was awake or asleep. I started to phase in and out of consciousness when he checked in on me again.

   “Still can’t sleep?”

   “I dunno.. Too many thoughts…” I hummed.

   “Like what?”

   “Like.. Like I don’t.. know.. Why..” I yawned. “Why do you check on me? Why.. do you like me?”

   “Well cause you’re awesome. That’s why.”

   “But I’m not..” I sighed. “I’m really really not..”

   “Yes you are. You’re cool, and smart, and caring, and you’re always looking after Dexter. You’re strong, in more ways than one. Come on, Malan, you’re amazing.”

   “I’m so caught up with living in the past..” I simply stated. “I can never seem to move forward. I’m constantly afraid that what’s happened will repeat again.. I worry I’ll lose more loved ones, so I shove them away. But I’m terrified of being alone so I cling to Dexter so tightly, I fear he’ll eventually hate me.”

  “He won’t. And you don’t shove people away.” Matt tried to reassure me.

  “I can’t move forward. I’m stuck in this one place, living with this curse of memory day in and day out. I can’t stand being around others. This base. These people. It only brings back those memories. I can’t stand them because to me they all look the same. Just mindless people who decide it’s easier to follow orders and try to feel like they’re doing something worthwhile with their life, rather than realizing that every day another child loses their parents. And no one will stop for five minutes to realize that they kill more than they’re saving...”

  “Malan?”

   For just a moment, for once in my life, thoughts escape me, and I spaced for a solid few minutes. But then I managed to pull out of it, and chuckle a little.

  “S..sorry.. That.. got kind of heavy..didn’t it?”

  “Um.. A little?”

  “Yeah.. I um..” I looked up at him and then glanced away. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

   I realized then that he wasn’t a wolf anymore, but human. His arms wrapped around my middle and I was pulled to lay my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and the gentle sound was immediately soothing to me.

   I recalled reading somewhere that our hearts try to synchronize with one another. And in doing so we experience immediate affection and comfort. Somewhere else once read that as infants we listen to our mothers’ heartbeat and it’s naturally soothing, creating a sense of ease and security.

  Whether it had anything to do with that, the medicine, or just simply being a woman wrapped up in the arms of a man she likes, sick out of her mind, I ended up falling asleep. I felt peaceful, and relaxed, and it was the best sleep I had in years. No nightmares. No dreams. Just this single moment of comfort and warmth.

  And when I woke up, it was over.

  He was gone.

  I was healthy in a couple of hours.

  And it was back to the norm.

[welllpthisishappening]

Idk if you're taking prompts, but if you ever feel compelled: the Blue Line cast reacting to Gritty.

Ok, ok, so you are either a genius or a mind-reader or possibly both because several months ago when Gritty was introduced to the world, I texted @optomisticgirl​ and I was like...I’m going to write about Gritty. And because she is lovely, she encouraged said writing. Only I am woefully bad at posting things in a timely fashion, so it’s just kind of languished in my docs. Until now! 

So here is approximately 6K worth of very tired new-mom Emma, supportive friends, a road trip in Philadelphia and this very specific goal. Also, if you guys have not encountered Gritty yet, let me introduce you:

LOOK AT HIS EYES! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. Also on Ao3 if that’s your jam.

“Ok, so, according to your list, we’ve only got the jerseys and the sticks left. Are they all game-worn though? That’s not...that’s not on the list.”Emma made a noise, not sure if it was an agreement or a disagreement or just the general sound of complete and utter exhaustion. She was having a difficult time keeping her head up. And her eyes open. Her eyes actually felt like they were falling down her face.

She was, at least, seventy-seven percent positive that wasn’t supposed to happen.

And, really, in the grand scheme of parenthood and the actual action of parenting in the middle of a season and a second-straight Cup defense, Emma knew a distinct lack of sleep was, more or less, part of the deal.

She also didn’t care.

Because her eyes seemed to have a distinct weight to them and Matt kept crying at regular twenty-minute intervals that appeared to be getting worse the longer they were stuck in Emma’s office. They were still stuck in Emma’s office.

“Em,” Mary Margaret muttered, voice quiet and cautious and that was probably because Emma hadn’t ever stopped making that noise.

She was just kind of grunting at this point.

She had no idea what to do to get her kid to stop crying. It had gotten worse since the game started.

“Are we losing?” Emma asked suddenly, and Mary Margaret’s eyes widened slightly. That was probably because they weren’t weighed down. Metaphorically, or whatever. Emma was far too tired to worry about the metaphors of it.

“No, no, I mean...not winning either, but I don’t think Arthur’s broken that many white boards. So, you know, grand scheme.”Emma made a different noise. She hoped it sounded more like a laugh than it felt. It kind of hurt, like it was lingering in the back of her throat or trying to scratch its way out and none of these things seemed particularly healthy.

“Grand scheme,” she echoed, eyes flitting towards the TV screen in the corner of her office.

They’d done road trips throughout the season – and none of them were particularly easy, but Emma was fairly certain she was still holding on to the majority of her sanity. She was at least confident her eyes weren’t actively trying to fall out of her face.

And she had help, a small army of people and in-laws who were more than happy to pick Matt up or bring Matt somewhere and Emma was fairly sure Merida was still reporting on her eating habits to Killian. It wasn’t easy, but it was ok, and Matt’s eyes seemed to actually light up every single time Killian came home which, in turn, did something incredibly specific to Emma’s entire soul.

This road trip, however, seemed intent on slowly, but surely killing her.

There were teething issues and sleeping issues and the kid seemed determined to to pull himself everywhere – knocking over everything in sight like some kind of six-month-old masquerading as Godzilla. He was still working on sitting up, but Emma had to admit even the attempt was impressive and Killian was convinced their son’s diction meant he was some kind of inevitable genius.

That genius kept him up and babbling for hours at a time.

Emma had no idea if the pile of jerseys behind her was game worn.

“If I fall asleep right here, right now, in front of you, is that going to super weird you out?” Emma asked, gaze flashing towards Mary Margaret. She shook her head.

“I’ve definitely seen you sleep in weirder places.”“Ah, yeah, that’s probably true.”

“That one time, senior year, when David had four finals in one day and you had that ridiculous...what was it...French?”Emma nodded. “French II. Because I needed a language requirement and they wouldn’t take my sports management electives instead.” “God, your dean was the worst.” “That’s an incredibly scathing insult, Reese’s.” “There are children present.” Emma’s laugh was weak at best and drifting dangerously close to depressing, eyelashes fluttering despite the sounds coming from her kid and the hockey game. “I think we’re starting to deal with some object permanence actually. He’s like...aware that I’m not going to disappear if I move away.” “He’s a genius, obviously.” “You and Killian should start some kind of campaign.” “Don’t actually suggest that around him,” Mary Margaret grinned, and she was already starting a new list. “He’d go on the record or shout it from center ice or something.” Emma hummed, not quite able to make any other noise when her heart was so busy doing whatever in her chest, but Mary Margaret was absolutely right and Killian would probably call Dorothy and get some kind of special edition of Sports Illustrated printed. And, honestly, she didn’t mean for the sigh to just fall out of her the way it did, but she’d apparently lost complete control of everything and she needed to find Kristoff.

He had to know about the jerseys.

“Hey, hey,” Mary Margaret said quickly, reaching out and tugging the pen Emma forgot she was holding out of her hand. “What’s going on with you? You know you look kind of pale.”“That’s not really the best way to start this.” “How much sleep would you say you’ve gotten on average in the last week?” “I don’t want to tell you that.” “Why?” Emma lifted her head, slowly and a little repentantly, which didn’t really make any sense because Mary Margaret was not her mother. She was the mother and she was, approximately, eighty-two percent positive she was messing it up.

Matt wouldn’t stop babbling and crying and Emma’s arms felt like they were going to fall off. It was because she kept having to pick him up. So he didn’t knock over merch for whatever Garden of Dreams event they were planning for.

She genuinely could not remember the name of the event.

“You could come back home with us,” Mary Margaret suggested. She’d never let go of Emma’s hand. “We’ve got that pop-up thing and--”“--David’s got to work tomorrow, Reese’s. You’ve got to work tomorrow. The kid wakes up, like, several times a night to scream at the moon or something.” “Did you just suggest your own kid was a werewolf?” “At this point I really don’t know.”

Mary Margaret scoffed and her smile felt a little placating, but Emma was so tired and so sure she was ruining everything that she almost didn’t care. She wanted to be placated. She wanted this road trip to be over.

She desperately wanted to find a children’s medicine that made sure her kid didn’t suffer in agony so he could, eventually, eat solid foods.

“You also have to work tomorrow,” Mary Margaret pointed out. “Just, you know...if we’re covering all our bases.”“You’re mixing up sports references.” “Playing a good shift? Does that even make sense?” Emma shrugged. “That question is way too in-depth for the amount of consistent sleep I’ve been getting. How important do you think it is to get to REM?”

“Incredibly.”“Yeah?” “Yeah,” Mary Margaret nodded. “So, uh, I’m going to say something, ok? And I want you to bite your actual tongue if you have to so you don’t interrupt me because I know you’re going to try and interrupt me.” “That’s actually kind of scathing, Reese’s.” “That’s an interruption.”

Emma mimed zipping her mouth shut, staring at Mary Margaret with something she hoped was as much sarcasm as one expression could contain, but she figured she kind of missed her mark when she had to lean back and move Matt in the swing they’d put him in once the game started.

He would have tried to walk into the TV otherwise, Emma was certain. Object permanence or something. And possibly how much he wanted to see his dad.

She absolutely hated road trips now.

“Alright,” Mary Margaret starts, nodding again like she’s psyching herself up for this particular brand of hope speech. “I know you were off after Matt was born and that was good and, you know, medically necessary, but have you considered...maybe using some of your personal days for stuff like this?”The silence in the room wasn’t really silent – Matt was still babbling and Emma could make out the dim sounds of the puck hitting the boards in Philadelphia and the commentary in the background. She blinked, licking her lips and she wasn’t exactly comfortable, one of her hands still twisted with Mary Margaret’s, while the other tried to move Matt in some kind of consistent rhythm. The babbling was quickly turning to something that sounded like the tell-tale sounds of a complete and utter meltdown.

Emma briefly considered joining him.

“Thoughts?” Mary Margaret asked.

Emma tilted her head. “That doesn’t count as an interruption?”“I actually expected the sarcasm completely, so I’m not even turned off by that at all.” “What are you then?” “Worried about you and your distinct lack of REM sleep. And whatever horrible, no good, very bad things your mind is making you think because of that lack of REM.” Eventually, Emma was sure, Mary Margaret would stop being so impossibly good at reading her or knowing her or, possibly, just sharing a few of the same brain wavelengths. She hoped not.

Because those wavelengths made sure Mary Margaret stayed in the office that night – not bothering to ask, just sitting on the ground and tugging Emma’s list out of her hand with a practiced familiarity that defied decades.

“You should take this show on the road,” Emma muttered, working a quiet laugh and knowing smile out of Mary Margaret. “I bet you could make millions.”“Who would you get to babysit all the time, then?” “You don’t have to do that.” Mary Margaret squeezed her hand. “I want to. A whole line of people want to. Several professional hockey players are beating down metaphorical doors to want to.” “I’m not sure that last sentence made much sense,” Emma laughed, and it was still a little shaky and questionably watery, vision swimming a bit in front of her, but she took a deep breath and that felt like a step in the right direction.

“And I’m not sure you’re qualified to discuss sentence structure.” Emma rolled her eyes. “Honestly though,” Mary Margaret continued. “You don’t have to be some kind of superhero. I know you could be and usually are because, well--”“--You going to get sappy on me, Reese’s?” “Yes, don’t interrupt. I know you were worried about all of this and it happened suddenly and without much planning, and that’s not really your game, but…” She took a deep breath, shoulders heaving with the force of it and Emma didn’t think she imagined the slightly glossy look to her eyes. “You are doing an incredible job, Emma,” Mary Margaret said, no hint of anything except absolute and complete honesty in her voice. “I don’t know how you’re doing it.” “Was that last part a compliment?” “Of the highest order. Because you’re doing it all. That’s kind of where I'm going with this. I know you’re worried. But the crying is normal and the lack of sleep is normal and you could probably call the pediatrician about the teething thing if it’s freaking you out.” Emma let out a breath she didn’t realize she was hoarding, only slightly stunned by the mind reading going on in her office. Matt threw something. The game on TV got louder.

“I just…” Emma muttered, twisting her lips when the words got caught in the back of her throat. With the emotion. There was too much emotion. She was a mess.

“I know you do,” Mary Margaret promised. At some point she’d laced her fingers through Emma’s, thumb tapping just above the relatively-new laces sitting on her left wrist again. “Everyone does. And you are. The crying jags aside, that is the happiest and most loved kid in the entire National Hockey League.”“That’s definitely the marker we were going for.” Mary Margaret scoffed, shifting closer to Emma so she could wipe away a tear she hadn’t noticed either. “Don’t lie to my face like that, it’s not cool.”

Emma nodded, tugging her lips behind her teeth and trying to remember what any semblance of confidence looked like. Matt quieted for a moment, the sounds turning a bit closer to whimpers and that was, somehow, even worse. It made Emma’s body tense and her spine seemed to audibly snap back into place when she jerked around, eyebrows pulled low as her lungs desperately tried to get oxygen back to her brain.

“I know we’re not really doing that whole pronunciation thing yet, kid,” Emma said, pulling out of Mary Margaret’s and tugging Matt against her chest before she could remember all the reasons the websites told her she shouldn't. “But it’d be really great if we could fine tune what, exactly, has got you freaking out so much. Dad’s going to be home tonight.”

It didn’t work.

The sounds were still there – sinking into Emma’s skin and that same soul that never quite knew what to do with the idea that this was her life. She bobbed on her feet, rocking back and forth and trying to find a comfortable way to hold Matt and work her phone out of her back pocket at the same time.

That didn’t work either.

She was going to scream.

Or cry.

Or fall on the floor and sleep for several days.

Matt squirmed against her, tiny hands gripping her shirt and for a kid who seemed particularly interested with the National Hockey League he had a pretty good right kick, a move he appeared intent on perfecting by landing it in Emma’s liver.

“What if we just walked to Philadelphia?” she asked, directing the question more to Mary Margaret than Matt.

Mary Margaret smiled. “I don’t know if that entirely efficient. They’re already at the second intermission anyway and--”She didn’t finish the sentence, footsteps coming down the hall and a noise that might have been genuine laughter and not just exhaustion-induced insanity and Matt nearly flew out of Emma’s arms as soon as Ruby rounded the corner of the open doorway.

She was holding takeout bags. So was Henry. She’d brought Henry with her.

“Hey mini-Jones,” Ruby said, hardly breaking stride as she walked towards him. “You causing problems up here? We could hear you as soon as we got off the elevator.”“Not as soon as we got off the elevator,” Henry objected. “It took us at least a few steps before we heard him. Impressive lungs though.” Emma groaned. “You guys are all throwing out really horrible compliments.” “Aw, c’mon,” Mary Margaret sighed. She hadn’t gotten off the ground. “My compliment was good! And genuine!”

“Also,” Ruby added, moving some of the bags so she had a free hand to tug on the back of Matt’s onesie. “She managed to surreptitiously text me when it was becoming more and more obvious you guys were never getting out of here, so not only do I come with a plethora of promises that you’re the best mom this side of the Mississippi, but I’ve also got just a questionable amount of fried food to back up those claims.”“Do those go hand in hand?” Henry asked. He had to move a few piles of paper on Emma’s desk to find any open space, but there really was a ton of food and he kept smiling and maybe the Rangers would score in the third period.

That was almost optimistic.

Ruby shrugged. “I don’t know and I don't care. Emma’s too tired to be worried about my sentence structure anyway.”

“These are not the compliments I was promised,” Emma said, but she was tired and practically overflowing with sentimental thoughts and deep-rooted parental desires and maybe she’d take tomorrow off.

Merida probably knew what the event was called anyway.

“The compliment is that you’re some kind of super mom who’s really worried about totally normal teething schedules. Also you and Cap need to coordinate your worry a little better because Scarlet said--”“I’m sorry, are you gossiping about mine and Killian’s parenting with Scarlet?” Ruby didn’t quite glare, but it was almost like a scowl and Henry did try to turn his laugh into some other kind of noise. Mary Margaret was never going to get off the floor. “Give me a little credit, Em,” Ruby sighed. “Did you see the way Cap skated in Carolina?” “I watch the games, Ruby.” “Exactly. So we all know that no one in the Jones household is sleeping and you’re both absurd parents--”

“--In a way that is actually a compliment,” Henry added, flashing a smile when Emma’s eyes darted his direction.

“Again, exactly,” Ruby muttered. “But Cap could barely stay on the ice for more than thirty seconds and then they had the off day and now Arthur's breaking whiteboards in Philly and you have no idea what your event is called.”Emma blinked. “How do you know that?” “About the shifts or...because that’s kind of just basic math.” “That’s not really Emma’s strong suit either,” Mary Margaret muttered, shrugging when Emma gaped at her. “French II and that intro to stats we took sophomore year. Your academic downfall.”

“I passed both of those classes,” Emma said, and Henry wasn’t even trying to mask his laugh anymore.

“Ehh…”Emma rolled her eyes, but she didn’t really have a leg to stand on and she needed both of them if she was going to make sure the kid her in arms stayed there. “Is Scarlet worried about Killian’s sleeping habits? Is that what’s happening?” “Robin too,” Henry said, answering a question that wasn’t entirely directed at him. “He said Killian’s trying to murder mattresses.” “That’s impressive,” Ruby muttered. Emma didn’t object when she pulled Matt out of her hands, thankful for the lack of weight on her forearms and the no-longer present threat to a variety of internal organs. “The road trips are going to be garbage from here on out, Em,” she continued. “But we’re all still here and Cap’s destroying hotel furniture because he wants to be home that much and you’re way more organized than you honestly have any right to be and Mer said the jerseys were game-worn. Obviously.” “She didn’t say that second part,” Henry added.

Ruby waved a dismissive hand through the air. “That’s neither here nor there. So, we’ve brought the food, the third period’s about to start. Direct us, o fearless community relations leader. What has to be organized?”They weren’t quite a well-oiled machine – Matt was far too loud and squirmy for that and Emma’s legs didn’t entirely appreciate when she leapt up with five minutes left in the game, but she had some kind of sixth sense, or so Ruby proclaimed, and she might have actually fist pumped when Killian pulled his stick back.

It wasn’t the best shot in the world. It wasn’t even the best shot he’d taken all season. But it was a shot and there was a bit of power on it and her soul did something absurd again.

Mary Margaret’s breath caught. Loudly.

The Philadelphia defense hadn’t stood a chance, not really, and Killian hadn’t been sleeping much either, even when he was home, not really, but he still moved up the ice with a speed that was as ridiculous as attractive and Emma had clearly lost her mind. She wasn’t supposed to be attracted to an attribute of her husband’s game.

Her mind, however, did not care.

Her mind was moving as quickly as he was, a streak of blue up the ice and it was actually some kind of miracle the Philadelphia defender didn’t trip over his own skates. Robin’s pass slide between a pair of orange jerseys and around a stick that wasn’t entirely on the ice, the puck landing in front of Killian and he didn’t slow down when he pulled back. His hips barely moved, like he wasn’t even trying, and Henry mumbled something that sounded a hell of a lot like did that even go in behind Emma.

She nodded.

And the light went off.

She wasn’t sure what noise she made, but Killian spun around, back colliding with the nearest board in the Wells Fargo Center as his arm wrapped around Robin’s shoulders. They did something stupid, a shake of their heads and smiles obvious as the camera zoomed in and--

“Oh, they planned that,” Emma muttered, Ruby’s quiet hum of confusion barely audible when Matt started to make noise again. “They planned that,” she repeated. “The whole play. Did you see that? Robin didn’t even look up. He knew Killian was going to be there.”Emma turned back towards Henry, the smile on his face turning a little smug and a little knowing. “What do you know?” “That Robin was annoyed Killian was trying to pummel hotel mattresses into submission and demanded they discuss some kind of breakout on the power play if they were both going to get negative amounts of sleep.” “That last one verbatim?” He nodded. “It wasn’t a power play though.” “Guess Killian’s just that fast.” “Maybe he could walk back here,” Mary Margaret mumbled, and Matt was logging some pretty good mileage as he moved from person to person in an office filled with now-organized merch.

“I wouldn’t put it past him, actually.”Emma hummed or laughed or dissolved into those emotions that had been tugging at the back of her mind for the majority of the night, and she was almost confident they’d be able to get out of the Garden without anymore issues or concerns regarding her ability to parent, but that lasted less than a full second and the scream that came a few feet away echoed in between her ears.

That wasn’t biologically possible either.

“Oh my God,” she sighed, visibly deflating at Mary Margaret’s wide eyes and Ruby’s not-so-quiet gasp. Emma was going to comp the car she called. She was going to call out the next day. “What is happening here?”

She reached forward, pulling Matt back and wincing at several well-placed kicks. “What are we doing, kid? Did you not just see Dad score? That was a good goal! We’re probably going to win now. Aren’t we cool with winning?”“Ma ma ma ma ma maaaaaaaaa.”

The word got less and less pronounced the more Matt kept repeating it, twisting and turning and yanking on the ends of Emma’s hair and the front of her shirt. His legs flailed and his head dropped back and she was absolutely going to have the most impressive forearm muscles of anyone on the entire island of Manhattan.

“You know, I thought we were almost drifting close to actually falling asleep,” Ruby mused, trying without much success to rest her hand on Matt’s back. “Wishful thinking, I guess.”“Welcome to my world,” Emma mumbled. She shifted her weight between her feet, trying to work back towards the swing and the teething ring that was probably just lukewarm plastic at this point and they’d been doing so well. The road trip was going to end on a high note and she was going to be some kind of mother of the year with a husband whose speed on ice should probably get studied at some point.

That was such a weird sentence.

She was so goddamn tired.

And she didn’t know what to do next.

Emma muttered a string of increasingly absurd nonsense, trying to smile and not burst into tears, but that was proving more and more difficult and she was dimly aware of laughter coming from the TV.

“Oh shit,” Henry whispered, clicking his teeth when Mary Margaret made some kind of reproachful noise. “No, no, no, just...ok, don’t tell Gina I said that, but, listen, Emma, turn around. Don’t let Mattie look at the TV.”That was not the string of words she expected. At all.

“What?”“Where’s your remote?” “What?” Henry growled, his whole head rolling in frustration, and that wasn’t right either. There were takeout containers everywhere. One of them crunched under his feet when he moved, darting towards the TV with his hand already out and Emma was worried he was going to punch through the actual screen.

And that was when she saw it.

“What the hell is that thing?” Emma demanded, gesturing wildly towards the ice in Philadelphia and the furry, orange monstrosity shooting t-shirts out of an air-powered gun. “Oh my God, why are his eyes moving like that?”She expected Ruby to laugh even less than she expected Henry to swear. Maybe she’d just walk home. Screw the car. “Gritty?” Ruby asked, and Emma could not come up with a single word to respond to that.

The stupid thing was trying to dance on the ice. Matt cried louder.

“What is a Gritty?” Emma shouted, Henry still making ridiculous noises because her TV was state of the art or something and there were no buttons on the actual thing. “Ok, ok, Mattie, Mattie, we’ve got to breathe kid, the absolutely terrifying monster is not going to come out of the TV and attack us.”

“Should we be referring to him as a monster?” Mary Margaret asked. She grabbed the jersey on top of the closest pile, throwing it over the TV screen and it didn’t really cover everything, but it was at least a start and Emma was kind of terrified of Gritty.

Whatever that actually was.

“He’s a mascot,” Ruby reasoned. “I mean...we’ve all seen mascots before, right?”Emma shook her head, disbelief in her gaze. “We don’t have a mascot. Oh my God, Reese’s, do you think he was crying about this asshole the whole game?”

“I think that seems entirely possible,” Mary Margaret said, a hint of a smile tugging at her mouth.

“This is not funny!”

“I mean…”“It’s not!”

“It’s a little funny,” Henry admitted. He was still trying to find the remote, but the game was almost over and Emma figured even terrifying, demon mascots had to get off the ice when there was a faceoff to take. “How have you never seen Gritty before, he was like...a cultural phenomenon.”“Can we please stop referring to him by his name? That is a man in a suit. An absolutely terrifying, shouldn’t exist suit.” “He’s been around for months, Em,” Ruby said. “All season. Oh.” “Oh. Oh, what?” “And you were worried you weren’t super Mom.” Emma didn’t respond immediately, but she tilted her head and tried not to covet that title too much. She wondered how quickly the entire New York Rangers could get out of Philadelphia. “Where are you going with this?” “They announced the mascot right before the start of the regular season,” Ruby grinned. “Henry’s right. He was all over the news and late night and social media because, you know--” “--He’s terrifying?”

“It’s the eyes, I think. If he didn’t have googly eyes, it wouldn’t be an issue.”“What does this have to do with my parenting skills?” “More like you becoming a parent,” Mary Margaret corrected. “I think you were a little preoccupied with, you know, giving birth to be worried about Philadelphia mascots that never should have existed.” “Wow, that’s harsh, M’s,” Henry muttered, still kind of laughing and he grinned when Emma’s head snapped his direction. “But also true.” “See,” Ruby crowed. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Em. If anything, you’re saving mini-Jones’ mental stability from the get because you made sure he wasn’t aware of a world where Gritty existed. And you totally went into complete Mom mode as soon as Henry said.” Emma wasn’t sure she was actually capable of blushing at this point – her capillaries or whatever were probably too exhausted, but she had never been very good at science either and Matt had finally stopped crying.

Mary Margaret’s eyes were distinctly glossy again.

“It’s ok,” Emma whispered, tightening her hold on Matt slightly and he didn’t squirm at all. He might have burrowed further into her chest. “You’re ok, I promise.”

And she didn’t walk back uptown, both Mary Margaret and Ruby scandalized at even the notion. She sat in the back of a town car instead, a sleeping baby next to her, a quiet that, somehow, made it easier to breathe. Mary Margaret helped her carry everything upstairs.

Emma didn’t plan on falling asleep, but her eyes had other ideas and she didn’t hear the lock click back in place, startling on the couch when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

He grinned at her.

“Hey,” Killian muttered, crouching in front of her and brushing the hair away from her eyes. “You can’t possibly be comfortable.”“I don’t know that I could actually move, honestly.” “I’m not sure that’s much better.” “Nice shot.” “It was an experiment.” “Yeah, I figured,” Emma said, and she appreciated whatever his eyebrows did at that. “Please, Locksley didn’t even lift his head up. Did you have to come up with some kind of signal, or how did it work, exactly?” “Do the years of experience not count?” Emma made a contrary noise, twisting despite the protests from several dozen muscles and Killian, tugging lightly on the loose tie still around his neck. His grin got bigger. “We counted. Scarlet was supposed to pass out of the zone and I had six seconds to get up the ice. Locksley had four to get to the other faceoff circle.” “I wasn’t aware Scarlet was part of the plan.”

Killian hummed, a quick brush of lips over her forehead and it was an impressive exercise in balance. “We had some time to kill.”“So I heard.” “Henry?” “Maybe you’re the genius.” “Ah, that just means it’s genetic,” Killian said. His fingers clearly had minds of their own, drifting over Emma’s neck and her shoulder and the bit of skin where her shirt had twisted underneath her. “You didn’t have to try and wait up for me, love.” “Try being the operative word.” “I appreciate the effort.” “You’ve got to sleep more on the road.”

“You’ve got to sleep more all the time.”She clicked her tongue, scrunching her nose and Killian’s capillaries clearly weren’t too exhausted to blush – particularly on the tips of his ears. “Ruby or Reese’s?” “Both. And David. They’re worried about you.”

“It was just a shitty road trip,” Emma whispered, not trusting herself to do anymore. Plus the sleeping kid a few feet away. Especially the sleeping kid a few feet away. “Did you hear about the mascot incident?”Killian blinked. And blinked again. “What?” “There is apparently some kind of actual monster masquerading as a mascot in Philadelphia and our kid is fundamentally terrified. Screamed every single time they showed him on the broadcast. Apparently.” “Apparently?” “I didn’t realize until the third period.” Emma’s nose was going to get stuck that way. Her sigh sounded impossibly pathetic when it fell out of her, throat tightening against the wad of everything stuck in the back of it and Killian really could not have been comfortable. He didn’t move. “We can’t fix everything, Swan,” he said softly, fingers still tracing absent minded patterns on any bit of skin he could find. “I don’t think there’s a clause for mascots anywhere.” “And you’ve read enough websites. You’d totally have found it.” “So would you, love.” “I’m so tired.” It wasn’t an admission, not really. Everyone knew. Strangers on the street knew. Gritty probably knew. God, she hoped Gritty didn’t know. But it kind of felt like one anyway, and she really could not cope with the realization that it only took Killian six seconds to get up an entire NHL-size hockey rink.

And she hadn’t really considered the fact that he hadn’t kissed her yet, but the move still caught Emma by surprise, quick and somewhere dangerously close to bruising and they were both slightly codependant disasters who just wanted to give their kid the world – particularly one without horrifying and badly named mascots.

“So we should probably get you off the couch,” Killian said, standing back up and Emma didn’t take his hand so much as she threw her palm against his. He laughed under his breath. “Move the kid? Don’t move the kid?”“Move the kid,” she groaned. “He’s bound to wake up soon anyway, I think he’s preprogrammed to know when you get home.” Killian’s ears got redder. And that was worse than recorded speed on the ice.

He brushed his lips over her cheek, moving across the living room and Matt didn’t wake up immediately, but he twisted and made a few pointed noises, Killian only wincing slightly when he bobbed on his feet to try and quiet him. “The workout after the workout,” Emma muttered, a hand on his shoulder and body against his back, and she swore she heard him smile.

“Ah, this is better.”“A line.” “A first line, actually. That’s got a very impressive plus-minus rating in the last few games.” “Are we acknowledging that stat?” “When it benefits me.” Emma laughed, pressing her face into the fabric underneath her cheek and if she was going to keep making sweeping assumptions regarding Killian, then she was positive she felt some of his muscles loosen underneath her. “Parents of the year,” she mumbled.

“I bet we could organize some charity event to practice slapshots at Gritty’s face.”“That’s violent.” “In defense of a kid, Swan.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Emma agreed, and there were feeding schedules and equipment to move, but sleep was almost there and it was always easier when she and Killian were in the same bed. “C’mon, if we don’t move, I’m going to fall on top of you.” “Not the worst thing in the world.” “That was another line.” “Yeah, it was,” Killian said, an easy nod and smile and they both slept through their alarms the next morning.

And Gritty never really went away, a lesson Emma wasn’t entirely sure she appreciated, but was sure the world thought was important – something about confronting fears and our own childhood worries and the ability to overcome both. The mascot was still there, orange with far too much fur and those goddamn googly eyes, terrifying Matthew Jones for the majority of his childhood and road trips he and his, eventual, younger sister got to go on.

The mascot was still there, shooting t-shirts into a screaming crowd at Wells Fargo, nearly two decades later and Emma hadn’t considered the implications of that when she put on a different jersey with the same name and number as it always was. At least she hadn’t until Henry chuckled lightly next to her, elbowing something that might have been her spleen to get her attention.

“Did you tell Rol?” she asked, glancing towards the grown man with his own kids who was doing a pretty good job of being super dad too. “Mattie’ll be mad if Rol’s got something else to trash talk tonight.” Henry shook his head. “Who do you think I am, Emma?” “Someone who knows about a professional hockey player’s deep-rooted mascot fears.” “You’re making assumptions. And, no, I never told Rol. It’s Matt’s first game in Philadelphia. I’m excited for him. I’m not a jerk.” “But?” “How do you know there was a but?”

Emma pulled her eyes away from the ice, nerves churning and pulse beating loudly in her veins and she’d been far too concerned about Matt playing in Philadelphia for the first time and playing against Roland, but Henry just smiled at her. The kid standing at his feet tugged on his jersey. A Locksley jersey. Always now.

“But,” Henry echoed. “We did discuss some quick exit options out of the arena if he’s suddenly attacked by Gritty.”

Her laugh jumped out of her, entirely impossible and far too loud to be acceptable and Emma didn’t think before flinging her arms around Henry and hugging him as tightly as she could. He hugged her back.

“I doubt the mascot will attack,” Henry muttered. “But now, at least, we’re prepared.”“Exactly.” The mascot didn’t come back onto the ice in the first period, but Matthew Jones, making his Philadelphia debut against the guy who helped him practice the wristshot he was quickly becoming known for, made it up the ice in seven seconds flat, the puck on his stick and the light going off almost as soon as he pulled back to shoot.

Emma jumped and Henry jumped and Killian might have hit the window of the suite, pride practically radiating off him. “We’ll get that time down, Swan,” he promised. “Five by the end of the regular season.”

“Parents of the year,” Mary Margaret said, a twenty painted on both of her cheeks that were quickly getting smuged by the tears in her eyes. “With some headlines to prove it.”

Emma didn’t answer – absolutely could not answer while her kid was still celebrating – but she nodded and Killian tugged her against his side, a kiss to her temple and the belief that they’d done something good.

[titriwrites]

Polaroid Picture -- Chapter Four

It's @finchbaggins birthday tomorrow, and she misses these two. So, why not give her an early present, huh? You can read on AO3, or under the tag. Let my know what you think about the most awkward family dinner in the history of family dinners.

Chapter 4

„What the heck, Dad?“ Tom hisses a few days later at James, who’s leaning against the counter in his kitchen way too comfortably. In the dining room he can still hear the soft murmurs of the two voices he didn’t expect when his father’s suggested they ‘should have a roast on Friday night’.

Libby's not been talking to him for the past three days, and now Tom’s supposed to have a lovely dinner with her and Matt? His wife – ex-wife – and his used-to-be best friend Matt?

The two siblings look like they belong there in James’ house. And Tom? He seems to be a guest.

Okay, he’s not been home for any meals these past days since he’s gotten here. But he thought... well, he thought that maybe his father wanted to talk. Maybe catch up? And now Libby's there, her brother looks like he considers killing Tom slowly and painfully, and Tom can’t walk out without looking like a massive jerk.

Okay, more of a jerk than he already seems to be seen as here.

“You wanted to talk to her, didn’t you?” James has got that stupid smile on his face that Diana swears Tom inherited. He’s never believed her.

Tom scoffs. “What, you think this is the right time to possibly discuss a divorce? She didn’t want to talk to me before, why would she do now?”

James’s smirk grows, as does Tom’s anger. “I never said you should talk about the divorce, son,” he says. “Maybe it would do you some good, if you actually talked to her. You know? Ask her how she's doing? Sometimes those little, nice conversations work wonders.”

With that James walks past Tom, turning around in the doorway before leaving for the dining room. “You don't have to stay, if you don’t want to. You’re a free man and this is a free country. But this is my house, and if you can’t behave like a grown-up, I’ll throw you out.”

Then, he’s gone. And Tom stares at the spot his father’s just vacated for a few moments, before he lets out a frustrated growl and paces the floor.

His heart is thudding heavily in his chest and his hands tug at the ends of his hair. This is madness. He should just leave. They can’t be in the same place for more than a few minutes without arguing. And that’s just him and Libby. Tom doesn’t even want to think about Matt.

And then he stops pacing. What is he even doing? What is Libby even doing? This is the house Tom grew up in. She’s got no right to drive him out of his own house. Well, his father’s house. No, Tom decides with a huff. He’s not going to give her that satisfaction.

Sending a quick text to Julia, promising to call later in the evening when the dinner with his father – just James, because Julia obviously doesn’t know there’s anyone else here in the house, or Tom's life for that matter – is over, he takes a deep breath and leaves for the dining room.

***

He’s missed so much. Tom’s known that, you can’t stay away for five years and expect that everything will be the same when you come back. But he didn’t realise just how much he’s missed.

Matt is not living in Oxford anymore. He’s moved to Birmingham two years ago, owning his own construction firm, being quite successful with it. He has a girlfriend, but hasn’t asked her to marry yet. Not that Tom particularly cares about that, but James is chatty this evening.

Tom also now knows that Matt still manages to drive to Oxford every two weeks.

Yes, he gets it. But Birmingham is closer than New York. Thank you very much.

And then there’s the fact that both Mr and Mrs Lucas died in the past year. Tom actually swallows heavily at the news he’s heard a few days prior but that haven’t hit home until Matt talks about it, and Tom sees how Libby swallows, casting her eyes downward, munching on her piece of roast.

“I’m sorry,” Tom says. It’s stupid. But what else is there to say?

“It's not your fault,” Libby mumbles.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Matt cuts in at that point. Tom’s a bit surprised to be honest. He hasn’t been prepared for Matt giving him a harder time than Libby. Or maybe he has.

“We sent you invitations to the funerals. Maybe they’ve been lost in the fan mail.”

The silence is heavy until James clears his throat. “You’ve both been very brave. It wasn’t easy.”

They continue to eat in silence. This is the strangest dinner Tom’s ever attended. Maybe he should just go to his room?

But no. That’s exactly what he doesn’t want. Being send away by those two. Because again, he feels like he’s 20, not quite grown-up but somehow listening to his parents’ advice when visiting. Which he and Libby did a lot at that time. Well, what Libby obviously still does.

“What about the house?” Tom asks instead, seeing from the corner of his eyes how James shakes is head slowly. What? He’s supposed to make conversation, isn’t he?

“It'd be too big to live there alone,” Libby mumbles, and Matt adds, “And with my business in Birmingham, I can’t just come and live here.”

“Plus, a house isn’t cheap in maintenance,” James adds as Tom feels himself nodding along.

“Well, from the money you’d get in a divorce, you could surely buy the house back,” he hears himself mumbling next and then there’s silence.

Silence before two voices talk at once. “Are you fucking crazy bringing up the divorce now? How is that even related? Is there anything you do or say anymore that isn’t calculated? You really made me think you cared just two minutes ago.” �� Matt, and finally just an exasperated “Tom,” from his father. Libby remains strangely quiet. Tom looks over at her, seeing how she stares down at her plate, chewing on her meat slowly, deliberately.

He sighs. Honestly, this time he’s got no idea himself why he’s brought it up. And he knows that it's not appropriate. He knows he should have kept his mouth shut, and he definitely knows he’s fucked up. Again. Tom closes his eyes.

“I’m...,” he starts, trying to meet Libby's gaze again, but this time she does speak up, and interrupts him.

“Just don't say anything. And please just leave him be,” she addresses James and Matt. “We know why he’s here, so that shouldn’t be surprising.” She closes her eyes and then looks up at Tom. He ignores his father and brother-in-law and focuses on his ex-wife instead. “I’m trying to have a nice Friday night, could we do this tomorrow?”

Tom nods, more to himself than Libby. “Yeah, I’m...”

“Just shut up,” she grumbles, before he can say any more.

Maybe he’s just tired of this situation, Tom thinks. Maybe he shouldn’t have come here at all. Just let Brian find a good lawyer, found out Libby's current address, and then had the papers send to her with a time limit for signing. But no, now he’s here in his old house with memories everywhere. In the house where be grew up in with the garden he shared his first kiss with the woman currently sitting in front of him.

Along with the other people he hasn’t seen in quite some time. With two men who look like they want to punch him. At this point, Tom would gladly let them. For being so stupid. Not just for coming here, but also for the many ridiculous things that left his mouth these last couple of days.

It’s almost like he can’t help himself around Libby. Beth. Lucas. Whatever. She's always talked back at him. Supported him, of course, but didn’t take shit from him, either.

Maybe he’s gotten too used to life in Hollywood? Where everyone makes sure he’s well looked after? Maybe he thought Libby's changed just as he has? For the better, of course. He’s grown up, right? Got his career started and saw the world. She's not grown that much. But maybe he should not say that right now.

So, amidst the sounds of eating and cutlery and crockery being used, Tom is silent, hoping this evening will end fast enough for him making a call to Julia that he desperately needs. Not that he can tell her anything that’s actually going on.

***

“So, what do you say,” Matt starts when the plates have been cleared away, “Tom, will you join us at the pub tonight?”

Beth almost chokes on the gulp of wine in her mouth, but manages to swallow before any accidents can occur. To his credit, Tom looks just as shocked as Beth feels, even going slightly pale as far as she can see.

“Oh, I don’t think...” Tom starts, and Matt seems to be on a roll.

“Well, I think. It’s a great idea. You want Beth to talk to you? You want to be treated as an adult and not a child? Get involved, see your friends. Former friends. Maybe show that you care a bit. Works great for you when you’re going to galas and charity events all over Hollywood.”

Matt smirks, and Beth knows what he’s doing. But taunting Tom has never worked well. He'll just get competitive, and Beth can already see the three of them sitting in the pub they’ve used to frequent regularly when they were younger and Tom and her still in love.

James clears his throat. “I think a night out could work wonders,” he winks and then stands up from the table. “I’ll be in front of the TV. Don't be too loud coming back home.”

As Tom and Beth stare after him, Matt chuckles. “What do you say, Tom? Are you in?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Thank goodness, one more person aside from her at this table that actually has some common sense.

“I can’t be seen here out and about. People will see me and they’ll tell, and then the paparazzi will appear and there goes the peace and quiet.”

Matt snorts at the same time as Beth can’t help but mumble, “What peace and quiet?”

Really now? That’s his reason? He thinks people will care that much for him being in a pub in a small town? That’s how he’s living his life in America now, isn’t it?

Okay. So, Tom’s competitive. Well, unfortunately, Beth is too. “Who would tell, Tom? The beekeeper that served you your first legal beer? The one that cleaned after your first legal ‘I’m Tom, and I can drink all of you under the table’?. Or your friends that have never spoken about you before, even when some media called when you first became famous?”

Tom's silence just eggs her on, along with the barely concealed exasperation in his eyes. “If that’s what your life in Hollywood is like with your new friends, maybe they’re the problem, not the people you’ve grown up with here.”

Beth feels Matt’s eyes darting from her to Tom, but hers don’t leave the man on the other side of the table while she takes a sip from her wine glass to hide a smile.

Tom stands up, head held high, a smirk playing around his lips. “I’m getting changed, I’ll be down in five minutes."

***

Tags: @devikafernando @itsliterallythis @justthelosersblog @avenger-nerd-mom @archy3001 @nuggsmum @majk78 @hakimo2015 @noplacelikehome77

[foryourlifefic-blog]

Chapter 6 (Part 1)

By the time I had finished getting ready it was about time for Jimmy to come pick me up.

I still has extra time so I decided to go to the kitchen to make a drink so I could get a little loose before the event even started.

“Look at you!” Matt hollers coming out of his room with Cameron.

“You look gorgeous!” She says “I love your dress.”

“Thank you” I blush.

The dress I was wearing was the color of champagne with a slit coming up along the side. There was also a deep V neck that was lined with lace.

I had done subtle makeup with a bold eyeliner and soft pink lips, my hair was curled at the ends which was the way it usually was anyway.

“It was a gift” I say “from my mom long ago, just now getting the chance to wear it.”

“Well she has beautiful taste” Cameron compliments.

“I’ll let her know” I say sipping the old fashioned that I had made “I haven’t seen you guys since this morning what have you done all day?”

“Oh you know” Matt says winking.

“Good god” I say “have you eaten food or anything?”

“Nope!” He says “which is exactly the mission we are on. That and to go back to Cameron’s apartment and get her some clothes to bring back here.”

“Moving in?” I ask.

“Not quiet” she laughs “we’ve only known each other a day, but we’ve had a lot of fun so I figure why not hang out another day.”

“Well you’re always welcome.” I say “we need a place with more rooms, this one only has 3 and there is 4 of us.”

“How did you and Kenny end up sharing the room together?” Cameron asks.

“We gambled and we lost” Matt says “plus these girls have way more crap than we do.”

“True” I huff.

“I might make Kenny move into another room though, now that your around.” Matt says seductively.

“Oh brother.” I roll my eyes “Well it’s not gonna be mine, my name is on the lease so I can kick all of you guys out.”

“You wouldn’t” Matt laughs.

“Try me” I say taking another sip of my drink.

“So what are your plans for tonight?” Cameron asks.

“Yeah why are you so dressed up?” Matt retorts.

“Well I have an important event to attend with a Mr. Jimmy Page.” I say.

“Your still seeing him?” Cameron asks.

“To my dismay... what can I say he insists.”

“Did you just meet him yesterday?” She asks.

“Last night” I reply.

“Oh man when I slept with him it was only once-“ Cameron begins but is cut off by Matt “what!”

“Yeah what?” I cough.

“Did I not mention that?” She says.

“Uh no” I say still surprised.

“It was years ago” she says “look they always come back to the same crowd when they are here, I was with my friends at the rainbow lounge and Led Zeppelin showed up. He saw me, he liked me, and asked me to his room.”

“Wait so... what!” I ask.

“We slept together and then the next morning we said our goodbyes... look all I’m saying is that your lucky he is still pursuing you, I mean that genuinely.”

“Well the event tonight is business... mostly.” I stutter.

“I bet he likes you” she smirks.

Meanwhile Matt was still dumbfound, Cameron realizes this and turns to him “your not mad baby are you?”

He gulps “I mean I guess not, free love and everything. I’m just a bit taken off guard.”

“Me too.” I say “and about him liking me we shall see, he asked me to be his girlfriend for the week but who the hell knows what that means.”

She raises her eyebrows “oh you know.”

“Do I though?” I chuckle.

Ding! we hear the doorbell.

“Oh shit I haven’t put on my shoes yet! Matt get the door!” I say running to my room to put my shoes on.

I was sitting on my bed when I heard him open the door “Jimmy! Always a pleasure!” Matt says and I hear them shake hands.

“You as well” Jimmy says in a soft spoken voice “is the lady of the hour ready?”

“Right here” I say stepping out of my room.

His eyes begin to widen as he gives me a soft hug his hands reaching down my waist.

“You look breath taking” He says into my ears causing me to blush.

“And you as well” I say gushing over his silver suit jacket and green button up. He had his Zoso sign pinned to his collar so everyone could see it.

“Where’s this from?” I ask stroking my thumb over the gold pin.

“I had it hand made.” He smirks “shall we.”

“Yes” I say grabbing my purse from the table beside me.

“Alright don’t have too much fun you two.” Matt says walking us out.

Jimmy laughs “it’s not that kind of party, but who knows about later in the evening.”

“Don’t wanna know.” Matt laughs. “Keep in touch Lil!”

“Oh I will” I say looking back at him as Cameron came and put her arms around him.

“Make good choices!” She yelled

“Okay!” I laugh at them acting like my parents as Jimmy opened the car door for me.

“Thank you sir!” I say slipping in.

“Not a problem” he says closing the door then getting in on the other side.

He told the driver the directions then closed the gap between him and us.

“So did you figure out what you were dealing with this morning?” I ask him.

“Just about” Jimmy says “we have all these producers trying to give us an unfair cut, and our label is trying to make us release singles which I absolutely will not do.”

“Is that because the radio will shorten the songs and you get held down while trying to make an album.” I say.

“Exactly!” He says “someone who finally understands.”

I laugh “Well I know a few things about that.”

“There’s just a lot of bastards out there trying to milk the industry, meanwhile we are doing a majority of the work. I’m strongly considering creating my own label.” He says.

“You should do it” I say “and let my band use your platform as well, I hate those people as much as you do.”

He laughs “that’s the dream”

“Tell me about it. Mark my words we would be a lot bigger if we hadn’t signed on to these sour deals.”

“I believe you my dear.” He says “I don’t know why people have such a problem with rock bands wanting to dabble in acoustic music, it’s only the balled version after all.”

“Are you talking about Led Zeppelin III?” I chuckle.

“The media’s response to it was just ridiculous.” He says.

“I agree, especially since we do a lot of balled tracks as well, Led Zeppelin III is actually my favorite album.”

“Really?” He asks.

“Oh yeah it’s totally underrated.” I say “but that’s just my opinion.”

“Tell me why is it your favorite?” He asks.

“Well it’s the complete package.” I say “it has the acoustic balled tracks but it also just has songs that rock you know? Out on the Tiles is amazing and Tangerine and That’s the Way are just fucking lovely and relaxing and just uplifting. Then there’s Since I’ve Been Loving You and let me tell you Jimmy every time I hear that song... it feels like I’m fucking melting.”

He smirks “How do you mean love?”

“I mean it’s definitely one of my favorites, just your solos-when you play it’s like I can hear you speaking to me... I listened to it on LSD once and holy shit it was like I was feeling brand new feelings. I can’t really describe it, the song is-just truly magical.”

“I really don’t know what to say to that.” He says “except thank you, I don’t think I have ever heard it described that way.”

“Well everyone is different, and your welcome.” I smile.

The car came to a stop and I knew we had arrived.

Once we had gotten out of the car Jimmy tipped the driver and bid him farewell.

“Wait don’t you need to tell him when to pick us up again?” He shakes his head “no, because a limo is going to take the rest of the band out to Rodney’s after this. Can’t be subjugated too long.”

“God forbid Led Zeppelin show restraint.” I chuckle.

“Carful darling” He says opening the door for me “more smart remarks like that and I’ll have you over my knee.”

I laugh it off slightly surprised he would say something like that, considering he usually has a kind exterior.

He put his around my waist and growled in my ear “You look like a gypsy tonight darling, I want nothing more than to eat you up.”

I became weak in the knees thankful that his arms were around me keeping me up.

“And eat me you shall.” I whisper in his ear as we entered the premises.

[philosworkbench]

Yes And, A Good No, and the Dangers of Wing-Walking

I did a weird thing for an improviser to do today. I declined an offer.

“No” is something people say every day. Kids say it a lot. I don't have kids; I had cats, and they would often say something very much like no. But in improv, we're taught to say yes. Specifically, when someone on stage with you says something to define the shared fictional reality, we call that “making an offer.” When that happens, you're supposed to accept it and heighten it as far as it will go.

If your scene partner says that you're both monkey space pirates and it's time to capture the frigate of the talking bananas, well then you just better put on your monkey space suit, pull out your monkey space cutlass, and get ready to fight! Is it ridiculous? Of course, it is. (I mean how are you going to pull out your space sword after you’ve already put on your space suit? Stupid monkey pirate!) Nevertheless, you Yes And! It's banana hunting time! Take no banana prisoners! Eat all you kill! #YOLO #LivingThatMonkeySpacePirateLife #blessed

There was this guy with an interesting online tool for facilitators --  bizarrely enough, a different online tool than the one I talked about yesterday. (I’m networking a lot, y’all. And by y’all, I mean cold vastness of Tumblr.)

This guy was ready to make me his U.S. distributor-partner for his product. No buy-in, all commission, and the ripest territory on the planet. Perfect side hustle, if not a full hustle for the right person.

I said no.

It f*cking terrified me.

Beyond the pros and cons of the opportunity and the reasoning for my decision, what most intrigued me was my emotional reaction. I'm not destitute. My spouse and I are okay, even in the midst of COVID. Why did it freak me out so much to say “no”?

Honestly, I think there are a lot of reasons. Here are the ones that kept me up tonight.

Yes And is great medicine if you have the disease it’s meant for.

If your team or entire organization has become a stalled, “no but” culture, work on Yes And. When you and/or the system has become so stable that it's stagnant and momentum towards a vision has become inertia towards change, work on Yes And. When you need to shake things up and create opportunity for positive disruption, work on Yes And.

Cut to 20 years later.

I’ve done Yes And. I’ve taught it a lot. I’ve seen what happens when a room of people have to make a decision and their only experience running things is from a career spent in improv. It has come to me as no surprise that the hypocrisy of the improv community was laid bare by the #MeToo movement. A healthy respect for no is crucial.

This is when some improv people tie themselves in knots. “It’s not that we’re asking people to say ‘no’ to each other, but to say ‘yes’ to themselves.” Fine. Whatever looks good in your Bullet Journal. Even if improv didn’t need a worldwide reckoning around consent, it would still need to learn how to say a “good no.”

A Good No means Listening to your Full Self

To explain this, let’s go back to why we try to break people of “no” when they first start taking improv classes. It’s because their “no” at the time is usually based in fears.

I’m afraid of looking stupid so I say no to anything my partner says -- I just can’t risk it

I’m afraid of not understanding what’s happening so I say no to anything too crazy

I’m afraid of not being funny so I say no to anything to too normal

And, if you squint enough to read between those lines, you’ll see similar fears that show up in almost every meeting at work:

I’m afraid of looking less valuable so I say no to my peers’ ideas -- they might keep mine from being recognized

I’m afraid of putting my name to something that fails so I say no to innovation -- or at least no until we have all the necessary data (because by then the opportunity will have passed and we can blame a lack of good intel)

I’m afraid of not making a name for myself so I no to the simple, no-frills solution that will work, but that no one will notice

These are the bad noes. (These are not the Glengarry noes.)

There’s nothing worse than watching an improviser try to improv while fundamentally afraid of the art form and uncomfortable with themselves. Improv and all theater begins with a fearlessness around “nakedness.” Don’t really get naked when improvising. We get too many letters. Instead, take Peter Brook’s advice from The Empty Space:

“The creative actor also longs to cling on to all he’s found, he too wants at all costs to avoid the trauma of appearing in front of an audience, naked and unprepared—still this is exactly what he must do.” (Brook, 1968, p.142)

It sucks to be naked like this while doing bar-prov in front of a bunch of drunks at 12am, so we teach Yes And. It’s probably not so much “be more naked on stage,” but more, “it’s awkward to try to cover yourself on stage so we’re all going to just keep covering each other. Trust that your partners are there to keep the grossest parts from hanging out.” That’s Yes And.

When improvisers understand that, you start to see them use “no” again. But now, it’s not an awful, awkward, scene-halting “no.” It’s authoritative, exciting, and directional. A good no can be the best yes and. It doesn’t stop the motion, it transforms it.

Back At Work: Good Noes are Good News

Time to read between the lines again, to see how this translates from improv to the boardroom -- by which, of course, I mean Zooming with your team members while you all pretend to be wearing pants.

Once we have a foundation of Yes And, and our default setting is to rally around each other and support each other. Then, revisiting No makes sense. You can bring your full selves to it. You’re not making the “no” choice out of fear.

This is great news because then you can say no with complete candor but also complete support. You can say, “here’s where I’m at right now.” People know where you stand and can factor in your real, honest feedback. If the team knows that everyone on the team gets what “Yes And” means, they can hear “no” in a whole new way.

So why was I so upset about saying “no” today? Like everyone who's ever done therapy, I blame my stepfather.

The First Law of Wing-Walking

Amazingly, it is not, “you don’t talk about wing-walking.” You apparently talk about it a lot, especially while your stepson is growing up in your house.

My stepdad was in Organizational Development. (So, I guess you could say, I’m a “legacy,” or whatever. #NBD) 30 years ago, he would often say, “Matt, remember the first law of wing-walking:

Don’t let go of what you’re holding onto until you’ve got hold of something else!”

Years on the couch. (For other stuff. Not for that.)

I’m in a lot of transition right now. I’m trying to launch a new company. I’m trying to do right by the companies I work for now. And COVID feels like a bad time to be dreaming big, but I am.

But I don’t feel I am holding onto anything. I’m just keeping a ton of different stuff in reach. I haven’t “burned my boats,” and yet, they are drifting further and further from shore. Without me.

I have a beautiful vision for my future, but I haven’t gotten anyone to buy it yet.

And then comes this guy, and he has something to hold onto.

Getting Lost in the Role

One of the best moments in a long-form improv is when you find a truly interesting character that you can consistently play from scene to scene. You “have” them.

The audience is intrigued. You feel good at improv when you play them. And, best of all, you get to stop thinking about who you are for a while. All of your anxieties about “am I good at this? What should I do next?” have to leave a message at the beep. You’re somebody else now. And they’re busy.

But what about when you’re decidedly not getting lost in the role. You just feel “lost.” That’s kind of where I am at right now. Not as bad as the “upside-down,” but definitely the “in-between.”

And here’s this guy, and he has a branded polo shirt with my name on it if I want it.

But I don’t.

I want a branded polo shirt with my own company’s name on it.

And yes, in his mind, I could have absolutely built my own company while I did this for him as a sideline. There were plenty of Yes And reasons why this would have been a great partnership. He helps facilitators. I help facilitators. Except I’m not really helping facilitators yet. I just want to.

Whose Thing is it Anyway!?

So, now I think I can finally come to the point. Sometimes you have to pass up good things.

When you are not sure of your path forward or not confident the path you want will happen, the universe will sometimes send you lifeboats. And you may not realize you’re only saying yes to it because it’s a lifeboat. It’s better than flapping around in the water.

But is that a good Yes?

Is it going to bring you closer to your path forward? Or will it give you hours of distraction so you’ll have the perfect excuse not to move forward? What will you say when you look back?

“Yes, I really wanted to have my own monkey space pirate ship, but while I was building it, another monkey came by and offered me a chance to work part-time on his ship. I figured I’d get back to mine eventually, but I just kept doing so well on his. His is awesome now! As for mine, I don’t know. Maybe when I retire.”

Just writing that has me shaking a little, like an honest-to-god baby panic attack. Not a full-blown attack, but one you would serve around on a tray at a cocktail party.

I was terrified of saying no today because of all the fear of passing up a good thing.

But now, as I reflect on it, having spent the last 1700+ words ruminating on it, I realize that what’s f*cking terrifying is taking a good thing when it’s not actually your thing.

Don’t get me wrong; many of the best accomplishments have been the work of dedicated people working diligently for other people. If you see an organization with a mission you believe in, that treats you right, and treats the world right, jump on that.

But if you know you need to now do something on your own, even if it fails miserably. If you need to pass up the good thing so you can have the space to create your own, do it.

Say a good “no” to the stuff that isn’t truly for you. 

Even when it’s terrifying.

[lindafrancois]

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

###

photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It. published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[denisalvney]

28 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8) Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

#28) Build stuff. Whether you’re building a fort with your kid in the backyard, or trying to figure out why you have 5 extra screws in that IKEA dresser you’re putting together, building stuff involves lots of moving and bending and picking up and maneuvering.

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I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program.

Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

###

photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

28 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It. published first on https://www.nerdfitness.com

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Gay Panic Roadtrip to Albany/Hell

That title sounds like the world’s most amazing concept album.

CONTENT WARNING: Homophobia, transphobia, animal abuse.

Anyway! When last we left our hero, his entire life had been ruined yet again: he had cheated on Karen with Typhoid Mary, lost his home and place of employment, and had the shit kicked out of him by basically all of his rogues. He’s still floundering around at rock bottom when he decides to drink his woes away at a bar (not Josie’s, but very Josie’s-esque), and is joined by a Mysterious Stranger:

Though Matt doesn’t notice anything odd about the stranger, everyone else in the bar very clearly gets a bad vibe off of her. They also all seem to perceive her differently.

As the stranger speaks cryptically about the nature of good and evil and the terrible things she’s witnessed, tensions in the bar rise. Two brothers who were having a friendly conversation at a back table start fighting. As the fight escalates, Matt is inexorably drawn to the stranger:

Matt sort of dazedly realizes that something has gone terribly wrong, but it’s too late - a man is dead. “You could have stopped it if you weren’t busy making out with that guy!” some rando accuses.

“A guy???” Matt asks.

Well, yes and no:

This is Mephisto, who is basically Satan in the Marvel universe. Mephisto generally presents as male (so I’ll be using male pronouns from here on out) but doesn’t really have a gender per se, being the embodiment of evil rather than a living being. That said, there is definitely a strong element of homophobia/transphobia in this encounter. Like. “You hook up with a hot chick at the bar but she turns out to be a dude and also the actual devil???” That is vile transphobia. (This comic is 27 years old, but still. There’s using dated terminology, and there’s playing out harmful tropes that get people killed.)

This also picks up on a lot of the themes we’ve seen with Typhoid Mary, with Matt as a relatively passive figure who is deceived and violated by a gender-bending/gender role-flouting woman. This is his rock bottom, though: from here on out, conventional gender roles start to reassert themselves.

Anyway, this is the last straw for Matt. He burns all of his and Karen’s remaining belongings (excuse you, Matthew, not all of those are yours) and hits the road, traveling upstate towards Albany. Along the way, he witnesses a private plane crashing, and springs into action to rescue its pilot. However the pilot, a wealthy farmer named Skip Ash, turns out to be hella shady:

Curious about Skip’s strange behavior and illegal cargo, Matt decides to abandon his aimless northward wandering in favor of looking into this guy a bit more.

Meanwhile, Mephisto has created a demon “son” named Blackheart to torment the people of upstate New York. As if they don’t have enough to deal with already. #newyorkjoke

Blackheart attacks Matt (and randomly appearing guest star Spider-Man) for an issue but it’s boring so I’m skipping it.

Meanwhile Skip Ash has returned to his factory farm, run on ill-gotten drug money and dedicated to getting the most profit possible out of his stock, no matter the cost to the animals:

This is Skip telling his scientist to bioengineer legless pigs so that they can just sit in their overcrowded cages to be force-fed until they’re slaughtered. Skip is a fucking monster.

But that’s just the tip of his monster iceberg, because Skip is also experimenting on humans. Specially, young women and girls who have been made insecure by the beauty-industrial complex and come to his farm/lab to be “perfected” - and he’s selected his favorite to be his future wife:

SKIP YOU ARE A CREEP AND SHOULD BE IN JAIL

One person in complete agreement with me on that is his daughter, Brandy. When she realized what kind of man her father was, she stormed out, but still lives on the money he sends her. She’s also become an animal rights activist, and Matt - who has been following Skip around - catches her planning to set off some (harmless to humans and animals) explosions at Skip’s farm to draw media attention to his inhumane practices:

Matt is sooo smug here, which is especially rich considering that his whole attitude during this arc is “ugh it’s hard to care about people and things, why won’t everyone with problems leave me alone?” Yeah, Brandy’s activism is more about anger at her dad and there’s no follow-through that actually helps the animals, and yes, she’s arguably a hypocrite for living off her father’s drug money. But one could just as easily say that Matt’s heroism is more about thrillseeking and there’s no follow-through that actually reduces crime, and that he’s a hypocrite (and in violation of his own professional oaths) for getting paid to try cases in which he has a conflict of interest as Daredevil. So.

Brandy is something of a straw activist (and later, we’ll see, a straw feminist) - shrill and angry but not actually effective, and with very selfish and personal motives. It’s notable that she shows up around 1990, on the cusp of the capitalist 80s and disaffected 90s - her character would’ve been treated very differently in the 70s.

(It’s also interesting that Nocenti's run is fiercely environmentalist, between Kelco’s pollution and Skip’s factory farm, and yet actual environmentalists are consistently portrayed as ineffectual idiots. Not totally sure what her point was there besides nihilism.)

Anyway, Matt rides along with Brandy as she sets off her explosions, which have the unintended effect of freeing the human experiment we saw earlier, Number Nine. However, Skip’s scientists and guards have no intention of letting their prize go that easily:

Luckily, Number Nine has a healing factor, so she’s okay. Matt and Brandy take her back to Brandy’s house to recuperate, where they discover that she’s...well, very odd. She’s been programmed to cook, clean, primp, and fawn over men, to the point of being manic about it, and also keeps having flashbacks to the traumatic things she witnessed while being experimented on.

Brandy, of course, has no patience with Number Nine’s “perfect woman” behavior:

“Haven’t you ever heard of feminism?” “No, but it sounds awful.” Woof. I mean, Number Nine isn’t exactly a reliable narrator either, but she’s certainly more pleasant than abrasive Brandy. (Who I fucking love, I WILL FIGHT YOU.) Matt certainly enjoys Number Nine’s fawning. What a relief after Typhoid Mary, huh, tough guy?

Skip, meanwhile, wants his property back, so he hires this guy, who is a precursor to literally everything about 90s comics:

Look at that ridiculous gun! Look at those shades! Look at those spiked gloves! This is so silly. Also this character is called “Shotgun” even though that is DEFINITELY NOT A SHOTGUN.

Anyway, a couple dangerous skirmishes with Shotgun ensue, but Matt manages to keep Number Nine safe, though he can’t keep her and Brandy from fighting:

As annoyed as I am by The Reasonable Man rubbing his temples and soothingly saying “Girls, girls!” as Those Crazy Women scream at each other, I am genuinely amused by “GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!”

Anyway my best guess is that the Brandy/Number Nine conflict is some sort of embodiment of the conflict that women still have between being independent/feminist/liberated and performing femininity to an acceptable level, but which was especially difficult to navigate at a time when more and more women were getting divorced and/or working outside of the home and/or keeping their maiden names, etc. Like. I do think that Nocenti was trying to tell a feminist story here, especially since Number Nine was driven to subject herself to Skip’s experiments because of unreasonable beauty standards in the media, just like I think she was trying to subvert gender roles with Typhoid Mary. But it gets muddy.

After a few battles with Skip and Shotgun, Matt and Brandy basically tell Skip they have access to his various stockpiles of contraband and will turn him in if he doesn’t leave them - and most importantly, Number Nine - alone:

Skip gives up and sort of wanders out of the story at this point...but here’s where it takes a trippy turn:

So some of Skip’s illegal contraband is from Attilan, a city on the moon. Attilan is the home of the Inhumans, who, if you don’t watch Agents of SHIELD or read the comics, are very similar to mutants - a genetic variation from humans who each have their own superpower and sometimes a very visible mutation. Ms. Marvel/Kamala Khan is probably the best known Inhuman these days.

The Inhumans are ruled by King Black Bolt and Queen Medusa, who at this point in continuity had recently had a son, who was taken away from them and sent to Earth because of his potentially dangerous powers. Two cousins of the royal family, Gorgon and Karnak, decide to go to Earth and look for the child so that they can return him to his parents.

So Gorgon and Karnak turn up basically out of nowhere, and Matt, Brandy, and Number Nine are like “Sure, superpowered strangers, we’d love to go on a road trip with you in this pickup truck to find a missing space prince.” It’s bizarre.

It’s on this road trip that they encounter Blackheart (remember Blackheart?), who has taken human form so as to fuck with humans more subtly. He’s hitchhiking, so they give him a ride, and he immediately starts playing up the tension between Gorgon and Karnak and their mutual interest in Number Nine:

That’s Gorgon driving the truck and Karnak in the weird hat in the backseat. Gorgon, by the way, has goat legs and the power of stomping, which is 100% not what the gorgons of mythology were. Karnak has the ability to see - and hit - the weakness in anything. They are some of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s more ridiculous creations.

Anyway, Blackheart - the balding dude in the turtleneck - spurs them into a fight that wrecks the truck. Matt, who can’t see Blackheart’s disguise, picks up on the fact that there is something seriously wrong with this dude, and attacks:

Blackheart, you creepy.

The humans - and Inhumans - manage to calm themselves down and make up, and Blackheart, frustrated, moves on to fuck with some other people. Specifically, the people in the small town that our missing Inhuman prince - currently going by the name “Pope,” though his real name is Ahura - has landed in. Pope, as we’ll see, is kind of an odd and creepy kid:

Yeah, Pope’s power is the Evil Eye. He didn’t mean to kill the sheep, but...shit happens, I guess?

The town, somewhat understandably, decides he’s a demon and they need to kill him, but Matt shows up OUT OF FREAKING NOWHERE - seriously, I have no idea how he found Pope - and stops them:

Blackheart, frustrated by his failure to corrupt anyone, turns to Mephisto for help, and Mephisto pulls all of our major players at this point - Matt, Brandy, Number Nine, Gorgon, Karnak, and Pope - down into Hell.

Yes, actual Hell.

They’re separated into groups by the fall. Brandy and Pope find themselves trying to climb out of a vast canyon, and they meet an angel:

The angel wakes up and is lovely and wonderful and kind, but Brandy is so shrill that eventually just peaces the fuck out of there, leaving Brandy and Pope to make the climb alone.

Number Nine, meanwhile, finds herself in a “Heaven” that is actually her version of Hell:

She winds up being dazzled by hunky angels but befriending a nerdy one named Lucifer? The metaphors are all over the place here.

Gorgon and Karnak are boring, so I’m skipping them...and Matt? Well, he finds himself in a snowy wasteland with nothing in it but a confessional. He breaks off the cross on top and uses it to start a fire:

Only Mephisto is permitted to make fire in Hell, so Mephisto LOSES HIS SHIT. He attacks Matt with demons, and for a while Matt fights off wave after wave of them before realizing that the only way to win is to stop fighting. Sure enough, this stops the attack on him and his friends, and he makes plans to walk out - but an enraged Mephisto proves that he still has power:

That’s Brandy in the last panel, and yes, she’s dead. :(

Then the Silver Surfer shows up out of nowhere to fight Mephisto??? SURE, JAN. Whatever, it gives Matt & Co. the necessary cover they need to get out of there and they return to the mortal world, shaken and grieving but alive.

And Brandy?

I...guess that’s a happy ending for her? I’m still pretty troubled by how the straw feminist doesn’t get to be loved by an angel because of how shrill she is until she ACTUALLY DIES, but again, the metaphors are so incoherent that it’s tough to suss out exactly what the message here is. (Also, Gorgon and Karnak take Pope home, and we never see Number Nine again.)

Anyway, that’s the end of Romita’s run on the main Daredevil book, though Nocenti’s got one last arc to go. Tune in next time when Matt returns to New York, confronts Bullseye, and finally reunites with Foggy!

[truesportsfan]

Dustin Rhodes on his escape from WWE ‘prison’ and the quick rise of AEW

Dustin Rhodes, formally Goldust, tries his hand at a Q&A with The Post’s Joseph Staszewski ahead of his match with Jake Hager (formerly Jack Swagger) at All Elite Wrestling’s Revolution pay-per-view (8 p.m, BR Live) on Feb. 29.

(Edited for brevity)

Q: AEW has prided itself on trying to tell long-term stories. With your story with Jake Hager, do you feel like you’re delivering that since this goes back to November?

A: Definitely. Me and Jake aren’t strangers to each other and he came in and he made an impact and he broke my arm, and now I’m just out for revenge. It’s taken me awhile to get there because I went through Sammy (Guevara) first. It’s slowly building and brewing, and last (Wednesday) I got my hands on him a little bit and the crowd, I could feel the energy in the crowd start to rise because I think they’re ready to see it and that’s a good thing.

Q: How rewarding is it for you to be working an angle similar to the one your dad, Dusty Rhodes, had with The Horsemen breaking his arm in 1986?

A: Watching those times when dad got his leg broken or his arm broken, just going back with The Four Horsemen and stuff like that, those are special times and I remember them like they are yesterday. It’s really cool that we have this little old-school feel to certain elements of our show with new school.

The stuff with Jake, when you can sink your teeth into something and plan for it and make these small elements and bits and pieces and plug them in and they’re there and you finally get your hands on him, you will see it.

Q: You spoke out on Twitter after some of the negative comments on social media about Nyla Rose winning the AEW women’s title. Rose being a champion, Dwyane Wade’s daughter identifying as transgender, how much does that type of representation help toward tolerance toward the trans community?

A: It’s there. It’s not going away, and I didn’t understand that for the longest time. Then I got married to my wonderful third wife, and my son is trans. So I started to learn a little bit about it and I started to see all the stuff these men and women go through and it’s so ridiculous and stupid.

This is 2020, man. Let somebody live their life like they want to. I don’t care what the Bible says. I don’t care what anybody else says. Live your life and be happy. That’s all I care about for my son is to be happy, and nobody picks on him because if they do they got to deal with me.

And I see that in Nyla. I treat her like she’s my child. I love Nyla to death, and I don’t think of any of that when I’m at work with her and I watch her perform — and she’s a great performer. This is not the Olympics, OK? This is pro wrestling, this is entertainment. This is scripted stuff that we do, and you’re gonna have Nyla Rose wrestle Riho and everybody get all bent out of shape about it and just really give her hell, I don’t like that at all. I take offense to that and I let them know it because it’s wrong.

Q: Luke Harper and Matt Hardy are two of the names rumored to be joining AEW. You were around them in WWE. What do you think those two guys would bring to a company that doesn’t have some of the creative restraints there are in WWE?

A: I think they’d bring creativity. Harper, man, is incredible. I’ve worked with him many times with the Wyatt Family, me and Cody did, and he knows his stuff and he’s not a greenhorn in the business. He can help people. He can take them to new highs and he can get them there and at the same time get himself over in a company that will allow him to do so.

Matt Hardy, if he comes in here, my God, he’s been through so many different variations on YouTube and things like that with WWE. He’s so creative in all the things that he does that when we do it with him, it’s gonna touch gold.

Q: How has it been for you to step away from the Goldust character?

A: Piece of cake. That’s probably the easiest thing I’ve ever done. But it was the hardest thing to leave a company where they made you a household name in Goldust. I became a star there with something other than the Rhodes name with the full-on Goldust character. And to take it to the levels that I did.

But the last couple years where you’re just sitting and you have so many talents and they just keep giving you the “We don’t have anything for ya” and this and that, and I know I’ve got so much more to give. So much more, and they’re not allowing me to do that. I lost my passion for those last couple of years in WWE.

Getting out of WWE is a very tall order once you’re in there. It’s tough. It’s like a prison. I compare it to a prison, getting out of prison, breaking out of prison. I’m very thankful for all the things they’ve done for me and my career, but when I got out of there, my head lifted and I got the phone call from Cody and we went to “Double or Nothing” and after that night, my passion reignited. It was a very special time, and since that night, I’ve had probably the funniest time that I’ve had in my 32 years in the business, every single week here doing this with my brother, with my family, with these passionate kids.

I don’t want to go nowhere. I like this place. I’d like to retire here. I’m not ready to retire, but somewhere down the line, you know, and just continuing to help these kids.

Dustin RhodesAll Elite Wrestling

Q: Cody recently tweeted that you and Dean Malenko held classes for the roster. How often are those being done, and is that something that’s going to be done more often?

A: Everybody flew in (to Atlanta) and Dean had a little 3-4 hour seminar on just working and just transitions and holds and things like that. Everybody loved it. I flew in the next day and we had a great turnout. They came over to DDP’s (Diamond Dallas Page) studio and sat them down and I talked to them a little bit about the art of promos, how to tell stories with it just like they do in their matches, and they were all taking their notes. I’ve never seen a more hungry, passionate group of kids.

I’m suggesting and the kids came to me after the seminar and they loved it and they wanted to do it again. Logistically, it is tough to get everyone together for more than one day. So “Double or Nothing” is our next pay-per-view (in May). Maybe there, since we are in Vegas the whole week basically and we can do another one there and slowly fit them in more often because it was a hit.

Q: What’s it been like for you to work in that more athletic style that we see from the likes of The Young Bucks and the Lucha Brothers?

A: It’s fun. When we first worked The Young Bucks, me and Cody, I was so nervous because they do so much and I’m not used to that. I’m used to more of an old-school-type wrestling and approach. I started doing some things I’ve never done before and I did it well and it was like, “Oh s–t, I can do this. This ain’t that bad.” It’s just sometimes you can get lost in what they do because they’re doing so much impressive stuff that you’re like, ‘Where do I plug myself in here?’ But they got me and they talked me through this and we do some cool stuff, and their timing is impeccable so they know and I fit right in there.

Q: What’s it been like to watch Cody evolve as a storyteller?

A: He is so creative and has so much of our father in him and just him taking the ball and running with it and hurdling over these little ant mounds. Everybody makes everything mountains, but he’s hurdling over these things and he’s handling it. He’s got so much now on his plate, doing so much in the back, running things day-to-day. He has the help of the other EVPs and [AEW president] Tony Khan of course, but Cody — now, I’m partial to my brother because he’s my brother — and I watch him and he’s just, it’s unbelievable the knowledge in such a short time that he’s picked up.

It’s incredible to watch him, and his performance has really stepped up to where he takes a beat and he feels the crowd and he can go off that now and he’s learned the element of telling a story and have them in the palm of your hand. He’s incredible. His promos have gotten phenomenal, man, because it’s repetition.

Not everybody has that gift of gab. MJF has a great gift of gab, but you have to give him structure. You have to give him a little structure, otherwise he might step over the line, and we don’t want that right now. We need to protect that.

Q: Was it tough to watch Cody get whipped by MJF with a belt? It’s part of the show, but he’s actually getting whipped.

A: Yeah, but it’s not gonna kill him. He’s a tough kid. He took a whipping, man. It’s like when we got whipped when we were little. He took a whipping and he kept getting up. He had some marks on his back to show for it, and I’m sure it stung like hell in the shower or tub the next day. But man, yeah, it’s uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable when you are watching somebody whip somebody else. It is. It’s real. There is a real element to that. And me as his brother, I’m just looking at his eyes and focusing on him and what he’s going through and not really trying to pay attention to everything else, just trying to help him get through it.

Q: One of your other passions has been acting, and you have a new movie coming out, “Copper Bill.” What have you enjoyed the most about being able to get away from wrestling and use your creativity in a different area?

A: I was not allowed the freedom to do those things (in WWE), so I would have had to really keep it under wraps and not tell anybody, and that’s not the way I wanted to live. They wanted control of every single thing in your life. And then you get out and you continue, because during my stint there I had little-bitty, little low-budget independent films, and that was preparing me for more and more and that’s what I wanted.

One of these days, I’m going to be big. I really feel that because I’m gonna make it happen and I believe that it’s gonna happen. This movie I just did, “Copper Bill” … I did really well in it, man. I nailed the role to a T. It’s a different side that nobody’s ever seen of me. They’re gonna go, “Damn, Dustin can act.” That’s all I want. I want to be a good actor.

Q: You have a project, “Thunderclap,” with R-Truth and Kevin Nash?

A: I think the director and the producers and stuff are trying to get the proper financing for it. That is in the works. I’ll be starring as Van Thunderclap. I’ve already told the director I do not like the name because it sounds like an STD. Hopefully we’ll change the name, but the script I love.

source https://truesportsfan.com/sport-today/dustin-rhodes-on-his-escape-from-wwe-prison-and-the-quick-rise-of-aew/

[joshuabradleyn]

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

###

photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

https://ift.tt/2kBetFe

[almajonesnjna]

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

###

photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

https://ift.tt/2kBetFe

[albertcaldwellne]

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

###

photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

https://ift.tt/2kBetFe

[johnclapperne]

27 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

I sat in the parking lot, absolutely terrified.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my brain was going crazy.

After ten minutes, I finally mustered up my 20 seconds of courage, literally yelled at myself, got out of the car, and walked through the double doors.

I was getting ready to try something I had always wanted to do but had been too scared….

And an hour later, I left a sweaty mess…

A sweaty mess with a giant smile on my face.

I had just attended my first swing dance class.

I know plenty of people who hate exercise but WANT to find a way to like it. And that’s what today’s post is all about: exercising in a way where life doesn’t suck.

Let’s dig in!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Cutting out all excuses

“But Steve, I don’t like to exercise!”

While some are like Odie and love to run around all day, others are like Garfield and feel like they must be allergic to exercise.

I hear this every day, and I’m not surprised.

After all, I think exercise sucks too.

Today we’re going to eliminate the phrase of “I don’t like to exercise” from our vocabulary.

Cool? Instead, we’re going to change our our definition of exercise and our thoughts around it.

Here are my favorite ways to exercise without…exercising.

I swear this will make sense.

The Truth About Exercise

As stated in our Rules of the Rebellion, you can’t outrun your fork.

Unless you’re Michael Phelps swimming for 8 hours a day at a Olympic level, there is no amount of exercise that can cancel out a diet full of processed foods, junk food, and liquid calories.

“But Steve, he’s out-swimming his fork.”

Hey, fair enough!

Let’s get back on track.

For whatever reason, we human beings are amazing at justifying and rationalizing the most ridiculous things.

We use these rationalizations to justify really unhealthy behavior, and then compound that decision by saying things like, “Well, I already made one bad decision, so today is ruined. I’ll start tomorrow.”

In order for us to live a healthy life, we need to get your head straight and understand a few key facts:

If you aren’t losing weight, it’s because you’re eating too many calories each day. This is caused by any number of environmental or hormonal or psychological or habitual factors, but the science remains.

Exercise is actually a really inefficient way to lose weight sustainably when compared against focusing on fixing your nutrition.

This is where the problems arise, and what we’re going to do to fix stuff:

Exercising for an hour, burning 300-400 calories, and then saying “I earned this” to justify stuffing 1000 calories worth of junk food down your throat is a losing battle.

Exercise does not mean “run on a treadmill for four hours and be miserable.” Exercise is anything that elevates your heart rate and takes your body outside of its normal comfort zone.

Your diet is responsible for 80-90% of your success or failure when it comes to losing weight and getting healthier. If I could only tell you to fix one thing, your diet or exercising, it would be your diet. Every time.

Every decision counts and every choice adds up. One bad decision does not ruin a day. One day off doesn’t ruin a week. One week off doesn’t ruin a month. EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make can take you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. Stop worrying about the decision you made 10 minutes ago or yesterday and focus on the next one.

Combine these four facts, and we’re left with this:

Exercise is a bonus. Exercise helps your heart get stronger, can help build muscle, usually gets you outside the house and absorbing vitamin D, and brings you a litany of other health benefits.

Exercise is not an excuse to eat like crap. Instead, you need to reframe your mindset. Instead of “I earned this” start telling yourself: “If I’m going to exercise, I might as well make it worth it by eating right too.”

Daily exercise is a constant reminder that you are leveling up your life – that you must continue to make other good choices or you’re practically wasting your time.

If you’re looking for some guidance in this crazy world of ‘losing weight and getting in shape,’ I hear ya – this stuff can be overwhelming.

Expert instruction, accountability, and an instructor that gets to know you better than you know yourself, sound good? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching program to get paired up with a coach today.

25 Ways to ExercisE Without Exercising

When you say “but I don’t like exercising,” what you’re really saying is: “I don’t enjoy the particular type of exercise that I have in mind.”

If you don’t like lifting weights in a gym, don’t do it. If you don’t like running, don’t do it. I have zero plans to run more than a 5K in my life.

Unless there are zombies that can run a 10 k…in which case I’ll run an 11k.

My main goal with Nerd Fitness is to get you to enjoy exercise, find a way to do it every day, and combine that with making better decisions about the food you put in your body.

So, we need to find a way to exercise every day because it KEEPS US THINKING HEALTHY, which leads to other healthier decisions made throughout the day (where the real big wins are).

Here are 25 ways to “exercise” without realizing its exercise.

#1) Hiking, especially with friends – This last week I went and hiked around Lake Radnor in Nashville with fellow entrepreneur Matt Bodnar. We hung out with deer, saw incredible scenery, and talked about life and business. I also happened to walk five miles over various elevations.

#2) Walking – No time to hike? Go for a walk. Even a 15-minute brisk walk is enough time to get close to a mile walked, which gets you one step closer to Mordor. Do you have a 30-minute meeting at work? Have a walking meeting instead. Steve Jobs was known for doing this.

#3) LARPING – Live Action Role Playing. Might seem silly to those on the outside, but to those playing, it’s an amazing adventure that reminds us how awesome our imaginations are. Also, depending on the game, you could be wearing a heavy costume, swinging heavy weaponry, and running for your life!

#4) Rock Climbing – I love rock climbing. It’s one of the best arm/back/forearm workouts in existence, you get to feel like a badass when you reach the top of the wall, and all climbing routes are graded so you can level up the challenge as you get stronger/fitter/better. It’s a fit nerd’s dream!

#5) Geocaching – If rock climbing is a fit-nerd’s dream, then geocaching is a adventure nerd’s dream brought to life. Become a real life treasure-hunter (Lara Croft? Nathan Drake? You decide!), and get a great workout in while you’re at it.

#6) Dancing – Ever tried serious swing dancing? You’ll be sweating within ten minutes. How about hip hop? Drenched in sweat, and sore as hell the next day. Zumba? Tango? Flamenco? You’d be surprised what you can sign up for and what will elevate your heart rate.

#7) Roughhousing with your kids. I don’t have kids, but when I do, you can bet your ass I’ll be the dad out rolling around in the back yard with them. Don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid – it keeps you young. I really enjoyed this article from Art of Manliness on the importance of roughhousing!

#8)Climbing on stuff – Last week on my hike at Midoricon, I was walking through the woods with NF Rebel Joe (No, not THAT Joe). It was awesome to see this guy, having lost 100 pounds since finding Nerd Fitness, explore the woods like it was no problem: climbing on stumps, balancing on fallen trees, climbing trees, and more. When was the last time you’ve done stuff like THAT? Hmmm? (Shout out to MovNat!)

#9) Martial arts – Be honest. You watched The Matrix, you heard Neo go “I know Kung Fu” and you wanted to be able to one day say the same thing. Whether it’s Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Tae Kwon Do, Karate or Capoeira, there’s a martial art out there that will make you feel like a badass.

#10 Consider a standing desk – Although we all know that correlation does not prove causation, it’s no surprise that there’s a strong correlation between sitting all day and an early grave. Why not fix your posture, strengthen your legs, and spend the day being more productive with a standing desk?

#11) Have an active meeting – Hat tip to Charlie Hoehn on this one. If somebody wants to meet up with you for coffee, suggest something active: throwing a baseball, tossing a frisbee, going for a hike – anything that gets you up and moving. I say yes to pretty much anybody that invites me to play golf. Wink wink.

#12) You know… – That thing that consenting adults do? Yeah. Do more of that. Self-explanatory. Moving on…

#13) Clean – Ugh, nobody likes to clean the house/apartment. I certainly don’t. So I make a game out of it. I see how much I can accomplish with a single song blasting at max volume. Of course, after getting through one song, I figure “welp, I’ve already started, might as well keep going.”

#14) Do handstands – Here’s how.This is a fun activity that builds up serious arm and core strength and will leave you sweating bullets after even a few minutes. Find a park, go do handstands, cartwheels, somersaults, and whatever else makes you feel young again.

#15) Parkour – Our beginner’s guide to Parkour is one of the most popular on Nerd Fitness. I don’t care how old you are, there’s no reason you can’t get started with rolling around in your hard and vaulting over picnic tables and bike racks.

#16) Play out – Is Parkour too serious for you? Try a playout! Spiderman was on to something – climbing walls, swinging from skyscrapers, and popping flips around the bad guys. You might not be able to swing between buildings, but you can definitely visit a playground in your area and get creative!

#17) Adult gymnastics – In the same vein as Parkour, gymnastics will help you build some of the BEST real world strength you can get with any type of exercise, and it’s all done in a playful way without a single weight being picked up. Swing from rings, somersault, flip onto pads, and more. There are gyms all over the country.

#18) Yoga – Build flexibility, strength, and learn to freaking relax. There are million kinds of yoga, so sign up for a few different kinds and see which one lines up the best with what you’re looking for.

#19) Play video games that make you be active – Beat Saber. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) counts too. Just Move. Anything that gets you off your ass and moving!

Oh what’s that? You’re playing a normal game like Grand Theft Auto V? Make a rule that you can only play while standing up. That’s what I do to keep myself from spending twelve hours on the couch in marathon gaming sessions!

#20) Play on a playground – Obviously not when kids are around. Preferably with pants on. Go down the slide, swing across the monkey bars, climb the rope all, balance on the balance beam. Create an obstacle course for yourself and see how quickly you can get through it. You can even work out on a playground too.

#21) Play a musical instrument – Did you know playing the violin for an hour burns about as many calories as walking around a track at a moderate pace for an hour? It turns out, our brains can burn boatloads of calories too. So challenge your brain!

#22) Join a Rec league – New in town? Want to be active and meet people? Join a kickball or softball league. You get to exercise AND it’s a great way to meet new people!

#23) Bike to work – I know there are a lot of Rebels in our community who dropped a bunch of weight by making one change: they biked to work, or biked to their friend’s house, or started biking generlaly. You get from Point A to Point B, you save money on gas, and you get a workout. That would make Michael Scott proud.

#24) Play a childhood game – What games did you play as a child? Capture the flag? Kick the can? Simple tag? Get a few friends together and give it a try – it will be the most fun you’ve had in a while!

#25) Park at the far end of the parking lot – Every step counts. Every tiny decision that is slightly different than the “OLD you” counts.

#26) Take the stairs. It’s only two flights! You are designed to move. You can do this. Sure, you’ll get winded the first handful of times. But it eventually becomes routine. And it all counts! Make a game out of it.

#27) Crush audiobooks while “exercising.” This is called ‘temptation bundling.‘ Pair something you love with an activity you’re trying to do more of. But I bet if you could only listen to Harry Potter (for the 600th time) while walking on a treadmill, you’d be more likely to get to the gym.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Challenge yourself

I’d love for you to commit to trying something new at some point in the next six weeks.

I committed to Swing Dance Lessons for 6 weeks and I’m really really glad I did.

Here’s my advice to you:

Say yes before you can say no. Stop saying “I don’t have time” and realize you do. Stop saying “I can’t afford it” and find a way to make it a priority. Do all of this before you can talk yourself out of it.The best way to do that?

Commit in advance. I pre-paid my four weeks of swing lessons. Having already paid for it, I knew I’d be just throwing my money away if I didn’t attend. Put down a deposit and make an investment in yourself.

Go with a friend. I went to my class alone, which forced me to further develop my social skills, but if you happen to be TOO afraid to attend a class, get a friend to drag you there. It’s amazing what we do to avoid ridicule from our buddies.

Expect to suck. It was frustrating for me to not be good at swing dancing right away. After playing sports and lifting weights, it was a tremendous shift for me to stop trying to be the fastest, strongest, most perfect, and instead relax, let loose and enjoy myself. If you are learning a new skill, expect to suck at it. You’ll get better. As long as you remember to…

Have fun. Remember, we could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Every day above ground is a blessing, so enjoy it!

That one thing you always wanted to try but have been putting off? Today’s a good a day to get started. Just take that FIRST step. Google classes in your city. Find a site that focuses on beginners, and read about it. If there’s a place to pre-pay or make a deposit, do it.

And then go. Use your beastmode skills if you have to.

But suck it up, expect to not be good at the new activity immediately, and have some fun.

What’s the one new thing you’re going to try this month?

-Steve

PS: If you’re reading this because you HATE exercise but think you SHOULD be exercising, I hear ya. I too hate certain kinds of exercise, so I don’t do them – you’ll never catch me running because I strongly despise boring cardio!

If you are here because you’re trying to lose weight and want somebody to guide you through the entire journey, and who will ALSO never make you do exercise you hate, consider checking out our popular 1-on-1 coaching program. Your coach will get to know you, your likes and dislikes, and work with you to build an exercise plan and food strategy that you actually enjoy and also gets you results!

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photo source: treadmill, treadmill fall, dog, jump, garfield

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