#defenders series

[petertingle-yipyip]

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

season 2b - happening again

tags: @ironprincessstranger @dusstory @americaarse @johnmurphys-sass @astrobees @mayasaurus--rex // two // four // masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia

Word Count: 6,187

Summary: Coming face to face with the past isn’t easy. But when that past is supposed to be dead, vengeance seems inevitable.

The admission of your names seemed to settle most of the uncertainty among your group. Though maybe it would’ve been easier just to clear it away yourself. Matt was the only reason you didn’t, given he would’ve recognized it immediately.

You sat at the table beside Matt, next to the man you learned to be spoiled rich kid Danny Rand. The man with unbreakable skin was Luke Cage. And of course, Jessica.

You peaked down the hallway, wondering if Stick was still out there. You knew if things were going wrong outside, the cranky old man wouldn’t hesitate to get you or Matt to help so that gave you some odd sense of comfort.

Danny was pestering Matt about his abilities while you leaned back in your chair, calling on that old wave of sadness to create a ball of blue sparks in your hand. And as you drew from it, it seemed to get stronger and stronger. Almost as if it was getting closer.

“I don’t.” Danny said suddenly, making you raise your eyebrows and lift your head. “You’re blind.”

“Yeah, well, sight is overrated.” Matt answered and you snorted a laugh.

“Okay, but what about her?” He gestured to you and you smirked slightly, seeing the blue sparks shine brighter out the corner of your eye. “What’s her deal? Are you two together?”

“Yeah.” You grinned at the opportunity. “And you’re just heartbroken over that, I bet.” You flicked your fingers and watched the sparks flutter and land across Danny’s eyes.

He sniffled slightly as his eyes began to water, his face dropping and lip quivering as he cried gently.

“Now you’re angry.” You waved a hand and saw a red streak trail behind your fingers and land against his chest.

His expression quickly matched the emotion you sent as the tears faded and a snarl crossed his lips that almost made you laugh. You felt an elbow in your ribs and you turned to see Matt giving you a stern expression.

You flicked your wrist again to clear any influence you had and crossed both arms over your chest.

“I’m a really strong empath, pretty much.” You shrugged. “Plus highly trained and blah blah blah.”

“What did you do to him?” Luke asked quickly.

“Told you I’m resourceful. Unbreakable skin won’t help you against me.”

You reached across the table for one of the dumplings before Matt smacked your hand away. He moved your hand to the other plate and mouthed ‘Those were shrimp’. You nodded slightly in realization and picked one up from the new plate.

“Woah.” Danny said with wide eyes after having wiped any stray tears away. “I thought you had to be touching someone for that to work!”

“Clearly, I don’t.” You made a vague gesture. “Can we move on now?”

“But how did you get your powers?” Danny urged. “Did you earn them? Or was it some freak accident?”

“Я собираюсь ударить его по лицу, если он задаст еще один вопрос.” You mumbled to yourself which made Matt chuckle, even though he probably didn’t know all of what you said. “Neither. Moving on.” You said instead. (I’m going to kick him in the face if he asks one more question.)

“She’s right. We need to come up with some kind of plan here.” Luke agreed and you offered a thankful look.

“The only plan is how do we get these people off our backs?” Jessica added. “Ideally in a way that doesn’t incriminate us.”

“What do you mean, incriminate us?” Danny cut in.

“None of us are on police payroll. What we did back there was trespassing, aggravated assault, and vigilante bullshit.”

“No, I can get us off the hook for that if anything happens.” You offered. “If that gets brought up, Danny Rand hired the security company I work for. I was asked to bring in some freelancers. Rich Boy writes a check and my boss signs some papers. We’re all covered.”

“You really wanna get your job involved?” Matt’s brows furrowed.

“Russo won’t ask too many questions. I know he has a past too so leverage would be easy to find if I need it.”

“There is a cop I think we trust. I say we bring her in.” Luke offered.

“You’d only be putting her in danger.” Matt countered.

“Look, you saw what happened when we tried it the legal way.” Danny tried. “I even put on a tie!”

“I promise you cannot fight these people, no matter what your hand can do.”

“It’s chi.”

“What I’m saying is going at them head on, that’ll get you killed.”

You reached under the table and found Matt’s hand when you were hit with that memory of Elektra.

“Only if we do it alone.” Danny insisted.

“We weren’t alone when we went against them the first time.” You said, suddenly finding the tablecloth very interesting to look at. “It was me, Matt, and another really good fighter… We didn’t all make it out and I guarantee the three of us were better than this group. What makes you guys any different?”

“These people took everything from me. I’m gonna take them down, one way or another.”

“Oh, you think that wanting revenge will carry you through this?” You scoffed. “That’s amateur. It’s going to get you killed.”

“No, it won’t.”

“Yes it will!” You laughed and leaned forward, feeling Matt grab your upper arm. “It will overwhelm you and you won’t be able to think straight because you’re gonna want to ‘take them down’ but they will tear right through your pathetic little ass.”

You cleared your throat and sat back, having realized your accent was slipping in. You glanced around and noticed no one seemed to have caught it seeing that the group began arguing about whether or not they should do it. Other than Matt of course. The hand that was on your arm slid back down to your hand and gave a gentle squeeze.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Matt sighed. “Did you know he was here?”

“Who?”

“Did he follow you here?”

“You think I wouldn’t know if I was being tailed?” You rolled your eyes. “Who’s here?”

The back door opening answered your question. You all jumped up quickly, you zipping up your top quickly and letting your hand hover at the cuff of the sleeve hiding your knife. You were relieved that it was only Stick and there was no urgency in his appearance.

“Stick.” Matt announced in annoyance.

“Matty.” He nodded. “Alivia.”

“Is something wrong?” You tried.

“Other than this shitty excuse of a hideout, no. Not yet.”

“What do you mean, yet?”

“How’d you find us?” Matt asked loudly, clearly unimpressed by his old mentor’s company.

Stick pulled Danny’s phone from his jacket and smashed it before starting a small rant about personal ties being used as leverage. After a quick and tense argument between Matt and Stick, Jessica stormed out and Luke followed. Stick took some jabs at Matt and you had to nip that in the bud before one of them took it too far.

“Stop it.” You said firmly and watched the words float through the air as a white haze that wanted to clear the brewing anger between the two. “Matt’s life is his life and he can live it how he wants.”

Luke came back in and you all sat around the table, minus Jessica, and listened as Stick gave you a history lesson in the Hand. You didn’t really care about the history of the organization, how long it had been around, what it had its hands in, or any of it. All you needed were names.

Trading lives wouldn’t bring Elektra back, you understood that, but putting a bullet in whoever pulled Nobu’s strings would sure let you sleep a whole lot better. Maybe even dull that strange feeling you couldn’t seem to escape.

You caught the name Alexandra, Stick saying she’s ran the Hand as long as they’ve existed. She would serve as your main target, the top of the Hand’s five fingers.

Madame Gao, and given your last run in with her, that didn’t surprise you. You were surprised to know she was back in town and had been under your radar for so long. But then again, your radar had either been distracted or inactive so you supposed it made sense.

Sowande, an African warlord that Luke had already encountered. Interesting, but not a priority.

Bakuto, but Danny confirmed he was already dead.

Murakami, the man who really pulled Nobu’s strings. He would be your second target. Or maybe it’d be more fun to go after him first.

“I want him.” You said simply, looking across the table at Stick. You ignored the looks from Luke and Danny, along with the slight accusation in Matt’s head turn. “Murakami. I want the first shot at him.”

“If he comes out of his little foxhole, you can have first and last as far as I care.”

“Wait. What did he do to you?” Danny cut in.

“It was Nobu, technically.” You answered carefully, watching your voice for your accent as your anger spiked and every inch of your skin warmed. “He killed someone I really cared about… She jumped in front of a blow that was intended for me.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke said honestly.

“I killed Nobu that night but… Now I want him. An eye for an eye.”

“You did what? And we’re supposed to trust you?”

“We can’t get hung up on that now.” Matt said, waving a hand to try and dismiss the topic. You were surprised to hear no opposition from him but you didn’t say anything about it. “Why are you even here, Stick? What are you expecting us to do about it?”

“Hang on. He’s given me more information in just a few minutes than anyone ever did at K’un-Lun.” Danny defended.

“That’s because he wants something. And because what he wants will put everyone we care about at risk.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that.”

“And I’ll keep saying it!”

“I’ve lost plenty in this war. Don’t talk to me like I’m some kid!”

“Then stop acting like one!” You cut in firmly, raising your brows as he stood suddenly.

“What did you just say?” He asked angrily.

“Calm down, Danny.” Luke sighed.

“You calm down, Luke!”

“Sit down or I will sit you down.” You said calmly, feeling the heat tingle up your spine and down your arms to your fingers.

“Go ahead and try it.”

You smiled excitedly and began to stand before Matt’s hands landed on both of your arms and pulled you to stand on his other side. You groaned and shook out your hands, feeling the heat leave your skin in small waves. You locked your fingers and hung them over the back of your neck.

“Yeah, alright.” You muttered. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Matt asked softly, putting a hand around your waist and standing close. You rested your hand on his shoulder in return.

“Mhmm… But I will probably punch him in the face before this is over.” You smiled slightly and he gave you a small chuckle. “You don’t get second chances with these people, Danny.”

“If you’re not careful, next thing you know, you’re dead. Or worse, you’re holding the people you care about and you get the…” You rubbed his shoulder slightly and you felt a brief cold sensation crawl up from your palm and dissipate across your shoulders. “You get the privilege of watching them die.”

“I know this fight is important. I know the city is at stake.” You offered genuinely. “But before you keep trying to rally up a team, think about something. Would you be able to live with yourself knowing that your involvement only made it worse?”

The air around everyone became stagnant with the heavy indecision. You ran your free hand over your face and took Matt away from the group. You could feel a tension rising in him, a mix of grief and annoyance and anger and something close to fear. As discreetly as you could, you called most of those emotions to yourself and felt it tighten your chest. You cleared your throat to cover the groan as the sensation grew to be uncomfortable.

“If you want to, we can walk away… We can go home.. Wait and see if this fight even comes to us.” You offered genuinely. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this just because I’m willing to.”

“I don’t know what to do.” He answered gently, turning to you with a truly heartbroken expression. “At Midland Circle… Livia, I swear…”

“What happened, Matty?”

“It was her.. The woman in Cambodia. The one who killed Jessica’s client.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m glad you two aren’t alone anymore.” Stick offered from behind you. “Your little back and forth games were exhausting, even for me.”

“Don’t act like this is normal.” Matt answered tightly.

“Don’t act like I don’t know what’s really going on with you… You crossed paths with her, too?”

“Will one of you please tell me what’s going on?” You groaned.

“Elektra.” Stick said simply and you felt your entire body run cold.

“Bullshit.” You scoffed and turned to Matt, who only offered an apologetic expression. “Really?”

“Yeah… She’s alive, Livia.”

“It makes sense…” You spoke slowly, piecing together your own realization. “What I felt a few weeks ago, it was like it was meant for me to feel. I didn’t realize then but it was.. calling to me, almost. That must’ve been when they resurrected her.”

“She’s not alive. Not the way we knew her.” Stick countered. “She’s something else.”

“Something empty?” You asked as you remembered that small feeling you had earlier when you arrived.

“I couldn’t hear her heartbeat.” Matt confessed.

“Just like the other Hands soldiers… It all makes sense. It didn’t feel anything like her before and even now… I can feel something coming but it’s not the girl we knew.”

“That’s cause that girl ain’t there anymore.” Stick shook his head and you could’ve sworn there was some yearning his voice, the slightest wish for the girl he raised.

“Maybe we can help her.” Matt tried, bordering desperately.

“No, we can’t. When they brought her back, they made her forget.”

“No.. She- She hesitated. She had the chance but she didn’t kill me.”

“If I can find that recognition, some ghost of a feeling, I can change it. I can exploit it.” You offered and it was more for Matt than yourself. “I- I- I can bring out feelings connected to memories and maybe that will-“

“Don’t try to make sense of this.” Stick cut in firmly. “With or without either of you, when the time comes, whatever is living in the body of Elektra Natchios is gonna have to die.”

“You told me that you wanted me to fight so people didn’t have to die. If I can get to her-“

“What happened to the woman that he couldn’t stand because she killed the people she needed to? What happened to the woman that brought her enemies to their knees and made them beg for mercy?”

“Exodus.” You nodded slightly. “They’ll be expecting her.”

“Maybe not.” He gave a shrug.

“Someone’s outside.” Matt said quietly.

“Great.” You muttered “Я мог бы использовать кого-нибудь, чтобы ударить.” (I could use someone to hit.)

You snapped your fingers as you moved back to Luke and Danny. You had Danny get the rest of the staff out the back while Luke went to the window. You slid your mask up and tapped it on, taking only a second to appreciate the familiar blue tint of the high tech lenses as they started up.

You were hit from behind with a shock of strong confidence laced with a vague fear before you could get any visuals. You pushed your mask up and turned quickly, flicking your wrist so the knife slid to your palm.

“This wouldn’t be my first choice but I am a sucker for fortune cookies.” The woman said calmly. “Yknow, I thought it would be a good idea if we all just talked this over like adults.”

“What do you want?” Stick asked simply.

“You surprised me, Stick. You’ve become so resourceful in your old age.” She glanced over your group but her eyes landed on you. “You’re not the girl from before.”

“Нет, это не так. Но поверьте мне, вы бы предпочли иметь дело с ней, чем со мной. Удивительно, но она намного приятнее.” You answered as you gripped your blade tighter. (No, I’m not. But trust me, you’d rather deal with her than me. Surprisingly, she’s much nicer.)

“Я могу сказать, что ты сильный... Вы бы поверили мне, если бы я сказал вам, что у вас будет больше потенциала с нами?” (I can tell you’re powerful… Would you believe me if I told you that you would have more potential with us?)

“Все, что вам нужно, это еще одно оружие на случай, если ваше Черное небо выйдет из строя. Единственный способ привлечь меня на свою сторону - это если я умру..” (All you want is another weapon in case your Black Sky fails. The only way you get me on your side is if I’m dead.)

“She’s got spirit. I like her.” She pointed to you before turning back to the group. “Mr. Rand, I’m sorry your exit from our meeting was so abrupt.”

“You tried to kill us.” Danny answered angrily.

“Them, maybe, but certainly not you….”

The woman kept talking to Danny but you lost interest. You watched the van outside, keeping a grip on Matt’s sleeve. You knew this ‘civil conversation’ with who you could only assume was Alexandra wouldn’t last long. You knew you had a chance to kill her. You could pull your gun fast enough, a quick bullet to the head, maybe even burn the body so she couldn’t be resurrected, but you saw the figure coming before you could move against her.

You cursed mentally and yanked Matt away as she kicked the door in.

You felt your heart drop when you saw it really was Elektra. Your friend had been resurrected and now standing before you with the clear intent to kill you. You opened yourself completely for a quick moment, only to Elektra and found nothing was coming in return.

Her usual spark was gone, as if it was never there. There was no fear, no loneliness or anger or confusion. She was absolutely empty, a hollow shell of the woman you once knew. And it nearly broke your heart to discover that.

But maybe… Just maybe you could find some sort of emotion to latch onto. You just had to figure out what to say if you wanted to get your friend back.

But would getting your friend mean she would try to take Matt away from you again?

Before anyone could move, Matt pulled you a few steps back as a black SUV came crashing through the front of the building and knocking down Elektra. Following behind the SUV was Jessica and you were actually relieved she came back.

“Who missed me?” She asked with a cocky shrug and you rolled your eyes in amusement. “Nice goggles.”

“Said the one with a tacky scarf.” You answered as you saw Elektra get to her feet.

The fight broke out almost instantly. Luke and Jessica took on Elektra for the most part. It was easy enough for her to knock Danny around but before you could jump in, a man you could only assume was Murakami came crashing through the skylight.

Your hand grew hot around your blade and you charged at him. Your attack clearly took him by surprise because all he could do was lean away from your swinging blade. You dropped to your knee and slammed your knife down towards his foot, though he narrowly avoided it and kicked out at your chest instead.

You rolled through it and lifted your Bite, aiming a shot for his chest. It landed square in the center as Matt came to help you to your feet. Together, you two ran at him.

You used a fallen Danny Rand as a stepped off point and hooked your legs around his head. Throwing your body, you sent him right into a strong kick from Matt that laid him out. You yanked your blade out the ground and swiped it as he rolled away, resulting in you cutting open a long gash across his back before he ran off.

You considered chasing him but before you could make a move, Matt tackled you to the ground and shielded your body with his. He kept your head tucked down until the gunshots stopped. You did a quick assessment of you both, more relieved he was unscathed than yourself. Your small team circled up as the various soldiers drew closer.

“We work together, we get out of this alive.” Stick said calmly.

“And they won’t.” You replied quietly before flipping your blade over the back of your hand and driving it into the neck of the closest soldier.

Matt made a beeline for Elektra but before you could follow him, Stick grabbed your arm and turned you back to the fight. With a loud groan, you stayed put.

Stick kicked a sword into your hand without a word and you spun it once before acting.

You worked in long strokes, swipes and slashes rather than jabs. You sidestepped your temporary teammates and spun, rolling over them when they ducked or spinning around them.

“Where’s Matt?” Danny yelled.

“I’m on it! Gimme a second!” You answered as you were slammed to the ground. Looking up, you saw Murakami headed down the hall that Matt disappeared down.

You took the sword and drove it through the chest of the man pinning you down before shoving him off and hurrying after him. You ran and jammed your knee into his shoulders, making him slam his face against the door.

He spun on you quickly and scoffed when he saw it was you. You watched his expression falter as your anger rose and you knew it shone in your eyes by the way it began to tint your vision. You sparked the heat at your hands and moved in quickly, landing quick and hot purposeful combinations that kept him off balance.

You pinned him against the wall and grabbed at his face, your hot fingers digging into his skin as your thumbs threatened to gouge his eyes. He reared back and slammed his head against yours, making you stagger back slightly. You shook it off and landed a hard roundhouse kick to the side of his head that made him collapse.

It wouldn’t kill him but it’d buy you time. Making him suffer before you killed him would make his death a bit more gratifying, so that was the route you would take.

When you got outside, you found Matt and Elektra standing in silence.

“El.” You breathed and hurried across the distance as you yanked your mask down.

You felt just the smallest spark of recognition, of fear and loneliness. You hated to use that but you capitalized on it and made it stronger, hoping it would bring some sort of memories with it.

“I know you’re in there, please.” You said quietly but she only stared at you in silence. “You have to remember me.. You… You gave your life for me.”

“It was your fault I died?” She asked quietly, brows furrowing as something seemed to connect.

“What? I.. No, it wasn’t…” You shook your head, feeling a deep cold swelling in your chest and threatening to suffocate you.

Before you knew it, she was gone and Stick was leading your group into the sewers. You followed mindlessly as your head spun violently. You felt every inch of your body growing cold the more you thought about it to a point where you thought you would turn to ice.

It was your fault.

Elektra died, your friend died, because of you.

The sudden guilt made your whole body tingle and your hands shook. Matt noticed quickly and came to your side after a quick spat with Jessica, abandoning the previous conversation without hesitation. He stood close to put a hand in your hair and the other on your hip.

“Hey.. It wasn’t your fault.” He said softly before a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“She’s right… It was.” You answered in the same hushed tone, knowing if you spoke any louder your voice would break and you wouldn’t be able to get the words out. “I got her killed.”

“No. You didn’t, alright? You didn’t.”

“I did… I hesitated and it got her killed.”

“Oh, Livia...” He sighed and pulled you in for a tight embrace. “I swear to you, it wasn’t your fault.”

You made a small squeak of protest and buried your face in the crook of his neck. You wrapped your arms around him and your fingers tightened around the material of his jacket. You closed your eyes tightly to keep back the tears and you felt your stomach twist with the newfound guilt. You felt it across your skin, like a slime creeping and crawling under your clothes but you had to swallow the thick lump in your throat.

You quietly followed your group to the van that Luke brought back, showing off Sowande tied up in the back. You felt that sadistic tendency creeping through your brain as you all headed to some building Danny suggested. You couldn’t manage to lift your eyes from the floor through the whole trip, feeling the weight of Elektra’s simple sentence in your head. Your hands shifted in and out of tight fists as you felt something ripple through your muscles. Something you didn’t like but could use.

Luke tied the captive to a chair, keeping him blindfolded and your group circled around him. They went back and forth as to how to get him to talk, if one of you could break him.

“This will drown you.” He spoke simply, as if he was in complete control.

“Do you know what that feels like?” You asked, moving to kneel in front of him as Matt stood behind him. “To drown?”

You were met with silence as his head tilted down to you.

“Drown in fear.” You mocked in your trademark accent as the yellow haze swirled between your fingers. “Drown in sorrow.” Blue danced between the fingers of your other hand.

He cleared his throat as you pushed both forward, watching the colors twist and swirl their way up his nose. He gasped and jerked in the chair as a sick smile crept across your face. You urged the sensations further, seeing a faint glow of blue and yellow settling at the base of his throat.

“What do you want with our city?” Matt asked.

“Maybe she should stop.” Luke tried and reached for your shoulder.

Stick stepped forward and stuck out his sword, stopping Luke from coming any closer.

“This place belongs to the Hand.” Sowande answered through strangled breaths. “It- It always- always has.”

“Always?” You tilted your head in interest.

“I traced it back to 1820 but it probably goes further.” Jessica answered.

“And Danny Rand? How does he fit?” You asked, withdrawing your pressure enough for him to take in a deep breath.

“Nothing you do can make me serve you. You understand?” Danny tried and you shook your head in annoyance.

“You’re the dumbest Iron Fist yet.”

You almost laughed as Danny leaned in closer. You cleared your influence and wiped your hands against your pants as you took a step around to be near Matt. The two continued a heated exchange before the prisoners started taking jabs at everyone.

“The same way the unbreakable one let that boy die in a jail cell, afraid and alone. The same way the woman couldn’t save the architect.” He paused with a proud smile as Jessica took a few steps away. “Have I gotten in your head the same way he did?”

She came charging back but Luke caught her.

“And her.” He jerked a head towards you. “She could not save anyone. Death follows her like a shadow. Tell me. What will become of your loved ones once you are gone?”

You bit back the instinct to say you had no loved ones. Instead, you pulled your knife and ran your hand over it, letting a deep heat settle across the blade. You leaned forward and yanked it across the side of his neck.

“If we’re lucky, that shadow will swallow you too.”

You tucked it away as he let out a sharp hiss before laughing.

“How many mice must drown with you? The nurse.. The woman on the radio.. The journalist.”

Your hand tightened into a fist until Matt’s hand found yours and you both knew he meant Karen.

You woke your Bite but Jessica beat you to it by knocking him unconscious. You were quick to pull Matt aside and you tried to relieve some of his stress.

“I can go get Karen if you get Foggy.” You offered. “I know he didn’t mention Foggy-“

“But that doesn’t mean they don’t know. Yeah, you’re right.” Matt nodded quickly. “Where would we take them? The Hand probably has eyes on our apartment.“

“Take them to the precinct in Harlem.” Luke called out, drawing your attention. “If you get there before we do, ask for Misty. Tell her you’re a friend.”

“You sure about this?”

“They’ll be safe there.”

You recognized you didn’t have many options so you nodded once before unzipping your top. You pulled your mask over your head and shoved it in your pocket before taking off your Bites and tucking them inside your sleeves. Once your alter ego was as civilian as it could look without leaving you totally defenseless, you hurried off to the Bulletin.

“Hey.” You said as you caught your breath, leaning in the doorway of her office.

“Uh.. Hi? It’s after midnight. What are you doing here?” She asked carefully.

“I.. Yeah, I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t important.”

“Is that blood? Oh my god.” She gestured to your face and as you reached up, you felt the drying liquid splattered across your cheek. You cursed to yourself and rubbed your sleeve across your face in a hurry. “Is that the shirt I think it is? Liv, what happened?”

“The Hand.” You said honestly as you came closer, wiping your hand on your top. “I’m sorry. Really, I am. I didn’t have any intention of getting involved but-“

“Is Matt involved?”

“Yeah… He is.”

“Jesus.” She sighed before she stood and came around from behind her desk. “I don’t believe this.. I thought you two were done with all of that.”

“Okay… I deserve that.”

“This is how you tell me that you’re doing it again? And Matt. Matt couldn’t be here with you to tell me? Cause that’s what you’re saying. That you two are going out as them.”

“I told Matt to get Foggy because I never told him.” You defended quickly. “Karen, I’m sorry! But it’s not like that! Exodus and Daredevil, they’re not back.” That was something you didn’t even believe fully. “They’re not going to be permanent pieces in our lives. It’s just-“

“Just this time? Hmm? Is that what you’re gonna say?” She mocked and you sighed.

“We don’t have time for this!” You said quickly.

“C’mon, Livia. Just… Just talk to me. Please.”

“Fine. We are doing it again. Because if we don’t, people will die. Whatever the Hand is up to this time around, they’re going to decimate New York to get it done… I’m sorry but we have to.”

She nodded before crossing her arm.

“I don’t.. Whatever you and Matt, or Exodus and Daredevil are doing, I’m not a part of it anymore. I don’t need your protection.”

“Really?” You laughed slightly as your patience was running out. “You don’t have Frank to save you this time around. He’s gone and you’ll be in danger if you don’t come with me. It doesn’t matter if you’re part of that or not because they’re probably coming after Y/N and Matt’s world, too.”

“I’m sorry. Does that mean they know who you two are?”

“I don’t know.” You admitted. “But they know too much already.”

“That isn’t your call!” She insisted and it was clear she was close to tears.

“Karen, please, just come with me.” You begged. “I can’t have another friend die because of the Hand. Because I messed up. It’d just be a couple days, lay low. Please.”

She sighed heavily and gathered her things. You thanked her but she assured you it wasn’t for you. Regardless, you felt a huge relief that she agreed to go with you. As you were getting her to the precinct, Claire came up with Danny and his girlfriend.

You practically ran once you saw Karen enter the police building with Claire. You hurried to the apartment and rushed to the closet, nearly tripping trying to get out of your jeans to change into your suit. It wasn’t long after until Matt came in with the same idea. You fit the rest of your outfit together, ensured your belt was fully stocked, and clipped your pack across your chest. Once you were both dressed, he grabbed your hand and led you across town.

He led you to a building that you didn’t recognize, but it turned out to be where Jessica was picking up her friend with the radio show. Tapping your mask, you were able to see Murakami going after her. Matt led you to the same floor and was able to throw his baton to knock the knife out of his hand.

You came from the other side, flipping over Trish Walker and slamming your feet into Murakami’s side. The action threw him off Jessica and allowed Matt to move in. You helped Jessica to her feet and she nodded that she was okay, allowing you both to reenter the fight.

You drew your own staff and slid between the open space as he aimed a high kick at Matt’s head. You hooked your staff behind his leg and pulled as you rolled to your knees, just able to see him slam his back against the floor. You flicked the blade out and moved forward, slashing it with quick precision that avoided your partners. You tossed your staff up to switch hands, catching it easily and swinging it at his head.

When the weapon felt odd in your hand, you looked down to see you had caught Matt’s instead and he had yours, even retracted the blade. You chuckled slightly as you two tossed them again to reclaim your rightful equipment as Jessica threw him over a railing.

“Scarf looked better.” Jessica teased and you grinned. “Nice ears.”

“They’re horns.” Matt answered and a small chuckle escaped you. “Are you laughing?” He turned to you.

“A little, yeah.” You admitted with a smile as you slid your staff back into its pack. “Don’t worry. You’re still very intimidating.”

Matt scoffed with a small smile before nodding for you to follow. You moved to Jessica and her friend, who was staring at you and Matt in awe.

“Holy shit.” She breathed as it finally seemed to sink in. At least she wasn’t hurt. “Jessica, you’re friends with the two most badass vigilantes in New York!”

“Who? Goggles and Devil Boy?” She gestured to you and you frowned, flipping her off once she looked. “They’re not.. the worst people I’ve ever met.”

“Wow. Was that something not mean?” You teased as you all headed out.

Matt chuckled but nudged you slightly.

“I’m serious! I’m shocked! I didn’t know Jessica was able to do that!”

“I’m going to punch you in the mouth.” She warned, though you could tell there was amusement there.

“Shut up, you know you like me.” You grinned as she glanced over her shoulder, giving you a half smile and a scoff in response.

You all made sure Trish got into the precinct before heading back to where you all left Stick and Sowande.

“Hey.. You made sure Foggy got there, right?” You asked Matt.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He nodded. “And you got Karen?”

“Mhmm.. Did you tell him anything?”

“Not much, no. You tell Karen?”

“Just the basics.” You shrugged. “She’s definitely not happy.”

“Yeah, kinda glad you went instead of me.” He admitted. “Figured you’d be able to smooth it over with her better than me.”

“Cause you can’t talk to people.” You joked and shook your head as you all got back inside the building.

“No, cause she’s more likely to forgive you than me.”

“So dramatic.” You sighed. “She still loves you, y’know. And she was pretty pissed at me anyway. ”

[renaissanceousia]

"it isn't how it should be. eat or be eaten. power and glory and nothing else matters. ares is that way. zeus is that way. my mother is that way. he isn't that way. he's better than that. maybe i was that way once but i don't want to be that way anymore. i won't be like all of you. i just won't."

[xixovart]

if annabeth had been taken by juno instead you know perfectly well she would’ve remembered percy. bc percy was the first to acknowledge her as a person and not a warrior or an error. the only reason juno didn’t take annabeth was because percy would’ve pulled a ‘rage of achilles’ type shit

[helsensm]

a bit late but- mk1 anniversary yaaay??

[vaguely-concerned]

I understand and agree with a lot of the frustrations about the shortcomings of Inquisition as a story. but sometimes when I hear people complain about the chosen one narrative in it I do want to just be like... you know it's a deconstruction of the concept more than anything, right. the inquisitor isn't actually chosen by anything except stumbling into the wrong (right?) room at the right (wrong?) time because they like, heard a noise or whatever. or if you think they are chosen, as many do in-universe, that's something you have to take on faith, the maker-or-whoever moves in mysterious ways indeed-style. the Inquisitor isn't actually a Destined Chosen One, they're a Just Some Guy in a fancy hat, self-delusions of grandeur to taste as you'd prefer.

a running thread that goes through all of the personal quests of the companions is the concept of a comforting lie vs. an uncomfortable truth, upholding old corrupt structures vs. disrupting them, and the role of faith in navigating that. (blackwall the warden vs. thom rainier the liar and murderer. hissrad vs. the iron bull, or is that the other way around? cassandra and the seekers -- do we tell the truth about what we find, even if it means dismantling the old order of the world? and so on.) and your inquisitor IS at the same time a comforting lie (a necessary one, in dark times? the game seems to ask) and an uncomfortable truth (we are the result of random fickle chance, no protective hand is held over the universe, it's on us to make a better world because the maker sure as hell won't lift a divine finger to help anyone, should he against all odds exist). faith wielded for political power... where's the point that it crosses the line into ugliness? is it before it even begins? what's the alternative? will anyone listen to the truth, if you tell it?

interesting how you also get a mix of companion agency in this -- you have characters like dorian who ALWAYS choose one side of the comforting lie vs. uncomfortable truth dichotomy. he will always make up his own mind to go back to tevinter and try to dismantle the corruption of the old system no matter what you say, or how you try to influence him. meanwhile iron bull is on the complete opposite side of the spectrum -- so psychologically trapped and mangled, caught in an impossible spiritual catch-22, that his sense of identity is left entirely to you and your mercy. you cannot change dorian in any way that matters; you can be his friend or not, support him or not, but he is whole no matter what. you are given incredible and potentially destructive-to-him power over bull's soul. it's really cool (and heartbreaking) to think about.

this is a game about how history will eat you even while you're still alive, and shape you into whatever image it pleases to serve it, and for all your incredible power right now you are powerless in the face of the gravitational force of time -- of more than time, of History. you won't recognize yourself in what History will make of you, because you belong to it now. you don't belong to yourself anymore and you never will again. the further you were from what it needs from you to begin with, the more you will find yourself distorted in its funhouse mirror. (why hello there inquisitor ameridan, same hat!)

and to me this is so much the core of what Dragon Age is about right from the Origins days -- how and by whom history gets written, the inherent unreliable narration of it all. I hope you like stories, Inquisitor. You are one now.

I do think it's probably still the weakest of the games narratively, and it's hampered by its structure and bloated systems. but I also find it disingenous to say that there's nothing deeper or actually interesting going on with it, thematically. if you're willing to engage with it there is Some Real Shit going on under the high fantasy-tinted surface.

[unknown-cold]

Vander makes Vi believe that whatever happened is on her. So Vi suffers and her guilt is so deep and destructive, believing that she turned Jinx into a monster and that what happened to Caitlyn's mother and to Piltover is her fault, she wants to prevent more ppl from getting hurt, and she feels she needs to go after Jinx, and she even believes that the war that will happen to Zaun is her fault.

So she tries to make things right as much as possible in a way that she believes is right. Like Christian Linke said here👇

But unfortunately she will fail for some reason and will become a Pit fighter.

[shrack]

loki doesnt want to be alone but he also wants his friends to be able to live their lives. he wants everyone to live so badly that he spends centuries learning high level science, repeats the end of the world over and over and watches his friends disappear constantly, refuses to let the world die because without the timeline, everyone would be alone. nobody would be anything. so he sacrifices living his life, he not only becomes the sacred timeline but turns it into something ever-growing, yggdrasil supports the universe and if he has to do it, if he has to be alone so that everyone can be together, than so be it. because, as mobius said: "most purpose is more burden than glory."

[hanmegumi]

LMAO

edit: turning off reblogs because some of the people that are reblogging are extremely fucking moronic. holy shit

[vanessa-rafesgirl]

i'm the first one.

[grapejuicegay]

I haven't got a job. Why not? I think they only want clean people. They haven't taken that thing off yet? It's gone. But I guess some people still see it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Summer Breeze 1

Was gonna be a drabble roulette. Fuck me, I can't do this right, can I?

Warnings: age gap (reader is 22, Andrew is mid 40s), dad's friend, Andy being Andrew, other dark elements. As usual, be mindful of your content consumption.

I also beg of you to leave me some tuppence in the form of a comment and/or reblog. You are cherished!

Enjoy, my loverlies.

You push yourself up from the air mattress, feeling the floor through the deflating cushion. You grumble and yawn as you rub your eyes. You stand up, the loose tank clinging to your stomach as you tug the hem of your shorts from the crease of your thigh. 

You don’t lament your accommodation. You know you’re a last-minute addition to the trip. The place is a bit crowded and you’re just happy to not be laid out in the dirt. Still a free vacation is a free vacation. You won’t complain for it. 

You stretch and pad to the door, careful not to disturb the bodies sleeping in the dual bunk beds. You’ve never been to a cottage before. This place is nicer than your house. Even if it’s a bit cramped. 

Your dad always complained about the mortgage and now you know why. He’s struggling to make his monthly payments and keep you in school, meanwhile the neighbour has a whole second house by a lake. You feel worse for your meagre contributions. Your part-time job won’t get your dad his own beach house. 

As you get to the door, you jump at the loud snort the cuts the air. Jacob rolls over and throws his arm over his face. He’s been at it all night. Him and his friends who crowd onto the single mattresses.

You get along but you’re not exactly a part of his usual gang. It was your dad’s idea to come up. You know he forgot it was his turn to have you for the summer. The awkward getaway is better than dealing with another of your mother’s boyfriends. 

Your weight creaks in the floor as you come down the hall and you stop short at the unexpected figure stood before the open windows. You hug yourself as wind blows in from over the water. You stare at Mr. Barber’s broad shoulders as he stands shirtless as he stares out at the morning landscape. 

You should go back. You’re always the first one awake at the sleepover. You lean back on your heel and the floor whines loud enough to give you away. You cringe. 

“Burton--” Mr. Barber grits as he glances over his shoulder, cutting himself short as he sees you. He turns to face you completely and coughs, “sorry, I thought you were your father.” 

“Um, no, sorry Mr. Barber, I was just... awake,” you utter dumbly. 

“Andy,” he corrects you. 

“Right, Andy,” you echo nervously, “I’ll just--” you point with your thumb over your shoulder. 

“It’s fine, I... I--” he stops and looks down at himself. He wears only a pair of shorts, “shoot, I--” he clears his throat and searches around, pulling on the button up hung over one of the dining chairs, “got a bit hot.” 

You notice the couch is all made up; crumpled blankets and a wrinkled pillow.  

“Your dad’s in my room. He had a bit too much fun with the beer,” he sniffs.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you rub your neck. That’s not unusual. 

“You drink coffee?” He asks as he comes forward, “you college girls still have caffeine without all that whip and syrup?” 

You frown at the insinuation. He’s one of those; ‘in my day’, though you sense a flavour of misogyny too. You shrug. 

“I don’t drink coffee,” you answer as he nears, “I’ll have some water and lemon, if you have it.” 

“Lemon water,” he grumbles as he brushes closely, “you on a diet?” 

You squint and let out a scoff, “no.” 

He’s quiet as he looks in the fridge and takes out a large pitcher. His cheek ticks as he thinks, “not that you need to be on one... sorry.” He pours you a glass and slides it to the end of the counter, “no lemons.” 

“That’s fine,” you accept the glass. 

“Well, I was gonna say,” he scratches his beard as he backs up, his shirt still open, revealing his furry chest, “coffee always tastes better out on the dock but... you don’t drink coffee.” 

“Mm,” you hum, “well, thanks for the water. If you don’t mind, I might go out anyway.” 

He nods as he turns, popping open a cupboard to search out the canister of coffee. You linger, waiting for any response. He peels the lid off the container and glances over. His blue eyes makes you shiver. You don't know him very well, he only just moved in your first year of college. Your dad likes him but your his friends never want much to do with you. 

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering--” you begin. 

“Don’t mind,” he answers, “the company, that is.” He turns back to fill the machine and lets out a sigh, “not used to a full house anymore and I don’t think your dad will be up soon enough to share the pot.” He loads the filter and closes the lid on the percolator, “or the others...” 

“Probably not,” you agree. 

He peeks over again as he fills the carafe. You’re suddenly very aware of your own attire, or lack thereof. The loose tank, the floral shorts with the untied drawstring. You sip from the glass and give a sheepish smile. 

“Anyway, I need some fresh air,” you inch away as tap your fingertips on the side of the glass, “maybe I’ll see a few loons before they fly off.” 

His brows rise and fall and he turns his focus back to the sink. He shuts off the water and turns to the machine. You leave him, eager to be away from the tension of your unexpected encounter. On second hand, this is just as awkward as dealing with one of your mother’s random hookups. 

[petertingle-yipyip]

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

season 2b epilogue - sad, beautiful, tragic

tags: @americaarse @dusstory @ironprincessstranger @mayasaurus--rex @astrobees @johnmurphys-sass // six // masterlist // season 3

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia (past) / Billy Russo x Livia

Word Count: 3,854

Summary: Time drags on without Matt Murdock, though he still lingers in everything around her. Attempting to move forward, Livia is pushed over an edge. (warning: short attempted drowning scene. written in red so it can be skipped)

Being back in the apartment after the police finally released you, it felt empty. Almost as empty as you did. Matt’s clothes were still laid about the floor, all over the bedroom and even the living room. The place still smelled like him, like his scent was soaked into the floorboards. You kicked the clothes into the closet, unable to bring yourself to touch them, worried they would disappear if you grabbed them.

The bed was too big without him, uncomfortable to be alone in. His side was too cold as you tried sitting on the floor with your back against it, your side was too warm when you did the same thing. You shoved yourself away quickly and felt your heart begin to race.

There were memories covering every inch of space that began closing in. Painted on the walls, sewn into the sofa, carved into the floorboards. Pinned to the fridge, tucked into books, saved in picture frames, hidden in every nook and cranny. Everywhere you turned, you could hear his voice as you were bombarded with instances that had made you happy. Now, you wanted to forget you ever loved him, made you want to burn the apartment down. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so bad if everything was gone.

Suddenly, it didn’t feel like that apartment was home.

You didn’t belong there.

It was supposed to be a home. A place born out of love and full of warmth, with a hopeful outlook for your future together. It was a place where two people tried to beat the odds and have a normal life. The lawyer- turned vigilante -turned lawyer again and the assassin- turned law student- turned vigilante- turned lawyer - turned security detail. It was supposed to be a home, where strength and tragic pasts met the idea of hope and redemption. Maybe not with a family made up of mini Y/Ns and mini Matts, but with the family you two found along the way.

But you felt like a stranger in your own place. You didn’t belong in Livia’s home. That place was reserved for Livia and Matt. Not whatever you were left with since a huge piece of you went down with Matt at Midland Circle just hours before.

You felt more like Exodus than you ever did before, angry and alone.

Maybe you deserved all of that. The agony. The loneliness. The guilt. The regret. The despair. The gnawing pang in the center of your chest that threatened to engulf you with every swelling breath.

Just days before, you were enjoying the balance you managed to find. You had someone to keep you in check, to force you to take a step back and realize what was going on around you. But now… Now you were left with nothing.

Now you were nothing.

How were you supposed to live like that? With that pain. With that crushing weight of knowing you didn’t save him. You didn’t save the man you loved. The man who loved you for you, who knew you long before you really knew yourself.

You went into your bathroom and left your mask, Bites, and belt on the counter. You started the water and pulled the tie from your hair. You didn’t care to fight your boots off so you stepped in with them on, seeing the water stain red with blood and the floor black with the grime of your boot soles. You sank to the floor and let the water soak your suit, hoping it could rinse the lonely feeling off your skin.

It didn’t.

You let yourself slide down until your were laying flat, water bouncing off your chest as your eyes closed. The moments replayed as soon as you did. Your foot knocked the lever to cover the drain and you felt the water pooling beneath you.

You knew you should get up. You had a life to get back to. If you fell apart after Daredevil died and Matt would coincidentally disappear around the same time, it wouldn’t be long before people put two and two together. That would connect you to Exodus. Everything you worked to keep secret would be brought to light and all hell would break loose without either of you there to serve as floodgates to take the brunt of the beatings.

But if Daredevil was dead and Exodus was dead… It wouldn’t matter if Livia and Matt went missing or if people found out. There’d be no one to attack.

Those thoughts ran rampant as the water level rose, now enough to cover your arms.

Maybe the Bulletin would run a story that someone drowned you. Followed you home and snuck in, caught you by surprise as you were defenseless and getting ready for a shower. That’s why the boots were on but the accessories were off.

Now the water started covering your chest.

Hopefully Karen would write the story. You trusted her to create something that didn’t criminalize you or Matt.

You figured the water would eventually soak the floorboards and bother your downstairs neighbors. They’d call the landlord, who’d come in and find your body. Karen or Foggy would have to ID you.

Karen or Foggy would have to ID you.

The water had reached your chin when you realized that. You remembered what it was like when your office had to ID Elena’s body, how heartbroken Karen was. You remembered what Foggy felt when he realized one of his best friends weren’t coming back. Could you really do that to him?

The water was creeping up your nose when you made a decision.

You shot up so quickly that the water sloshed over the side of the tub and soaked your mat. You turned the water off and cleared the drain, sitting in the draining water while you coughed violently to clear the water from your airways.

You decided quickly that you wouldn’t tell anyone about that.

As days passed and there was no news on any bodies beneath the rubble, you truly gave up hope. You had lost everything. And everytime you woke up in that bed, the bed that would always smell like him, you were slapped in the face with that reminder. Every morning it made you scream.

One morning a few weeks of nothing, you thought there was somewhere you could go yet again. You knew it would be the same, that being there would change nothing. But still, your heart forced some hope into your thoughts.You told yourself that you could find comfort in this place, like you did before, because it was somewhere so dear to him. Somewhere maybe you could relish in his memory rather than be suffocated by it. Wearing one of Matt’s old college sweaters, one that still smelled like his cologne, you walked the familiar path to the church.

You sat alone on the bench outside, though if someone had asked you what was special about the church, you wouldn’t have had an answer for them. The building didn’t pulse with devotion anymore, despite patrons walking in and out. It didn’t feel warm or smell like cinnamon. Instead it was like abandoned ruins, like the fire inside was snuffed out after being used to tear it down. You turned to face the church and leaned against the rod iron fence, resting your chin against the hands you had folded over the metal.

“Little lonely out here, isn’t it?” Father Lantom asked as he came and motioned to the space beside you. “And cold.”

You scooted to make a bit more room but said nothing.

“Alivia, right?”

“Mhmm.” You hummed.

“You know, it’s much warmer inside. And my offer for a latte still stands, or just a conversation.”

You offered a weak, polite smile. “I actually think it’d be colder.” You said honestly. “I just…”

“Seal of confession applies to this bench.” He offered genuinely. “If you need it.”

You were quiet for a moment as you thought about it. You knew how Matt trusted Father Lantom, how he knew he would get honest advice from him. And if Matt trusted him, that still meant something. You let your head fall to the side and looked at the older man beside you, feeling like a lost child looking for someone to help.

“I miss him… Everyday I wake up alone. Every night I sit on my rooftop and wait for that damned suit. But I know it’ll never come. Then it hits me and everything is fresh again and I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. He’s gone… He’s gone but I’m still here.”

“And you blame yourself?”

“I couldn’t stop him…”

“I see… And you joined him in this other life?”

“I did..” You smiled softly, thinking of nights you and Matt spent running around Hell’s Kitchen in your vigilante suits. “And when we were out there, all night… It was like we were unstoppable. We had each other’s backs.”

“That’s why you feel you should’ve saved him?”

“C’mon, Father. You knew him.. He was a better person than me. Why did he deserve to die?”

“Alivia, no one deserves to die… When Matthew was young and struggling with his new life, I once explained to him that God’s plan is like a beautiful woven tapestry. But only He can see the true beauty of it. We see the frayed strings and messy stitches, and even that is just a fragment of the picture, so it doesn’t make sense. But what is planned for each and every one of us is truly remarkable.”

“I’m sorry, Father.” You sighed. “I know bringing in your big guy upstairs is the whole point of this place, but I didn’t come here to find religion. To be honest, God and I are never gonna be on the same page. That’s why I gave up on religion.. There’s not a single one that can save me.”

“Then what did you come to find?”

“A memory of Matt that didn’t make me feel like I was drowning.”

“Thought I’d find you here.” A familiar voice announced from behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Billy. “You doin’ okay?”

“No different than yesterday.” You shrugged and got to your feet. “Thanks for the chat, Father.”

“You’re welcome here anytime, Alivia. Whatever the reason.”

That was part of your new routine for the next few days. You would wake up, go sit on your worn spot outside the church until Billy or Curtis found you. Sometimes they’d bring coffee or breakfast. You went to work and took it out on the new recruits. You went home and felt everything drain out of you, except on nights where you went to Curtis’ support group for veterans or beat the shit out of a punching bag at Fogwell’s. But most nights, you laid on your rooftop when the sun went down until the air grew cold and damp enough to make your nose runny. Then you’d climb into your far too big bed, sleeping on Matt’s side to make sure no one else dared to touch it, and fight through the night to sleep just to wake up in a daze.

You woke up confused why you were on the wrong side and reached over to find yourself alone. Then you remembered he was gone and you started the cycle all over again.

You started inviting Billy over after work instead of your rooftop isolation after about a week of waking up screaming for Matt and getting no response.

“Finally bringing me home to meet the mister?” He teased the first time you had him in your cold, lonely apartment.

“Nah, you wish… He’s gone, actually.” You said simply, trying to keep any type of emotion out of your voice. “Drink?”

“If it’ll get you to tell me what’s really goin’ on with you lately..”

“Since when are you so interested in my personal life, Mr. Russo?” You tried to joke as you sat beside him and handed him a beer.

The same beer Matt always kept on hand. It was cheap and tasted like it. You didn’t even like it that much but… Matt.

“Since the guys have been complaining about ‘the chick who takes her job way too seriously’. All of a sudden you invite me over while your guy’s away… Somethin’ isn’t adding up here, Livia”

“He’s not away, Billy. He’s dead… He’s been dead for a little while.”

“So that’s what happened…”

“Yeah.. I thought I’d be okay but it just hurts. And I’m tired of being alone…”

That was when you started sleeping with Billy.

It was a distraction. And it worked for a week, maybe two. When you woke up with Billy in your bed - on your side of course, you’d never let anyone else sleep on Matt’s side - you didn’t feel so empty. Until you realized you weren’t acknowledging it was Billy until you woke up fully. You went to bed and in those first few moments in the morning when you were still groggy and unsure, in your mind it was Matt.

The day you realized was the same night Foggy came over with something to say.

“It’s about time we finally talked.” You ushered him inside. “You’ve hardly said anything to me since you found out about Ex.”

“Can you blame me for needing some time?” He asked with a weak shrug.

“Couple days, sure. It’s been- What, almost two months?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come by sooner.”

You shrugged. “Why are you here now? Wanna hear my tragic backstory or rationale for being a murderer?”

“No one said you’re a murderer.” He sighed.

“Y’know, Karen once told me what you said to her. I think it was about Fisk… You said ‘You can’t just run around killing people and call yourself a human being.’ So what, Fog? Am I not a human being anymore?”

“Livia… I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Just say what you want.” You said flatly. “What did you come here to tell me?”

“That I’m worried about you.” He said softly. “I’ve never seen you shut down like this.”

“Yeah, well, Matt’s never died before. Has he?” You laughed bitterly. “Honestly, Foggy, I feel absolutely shitty every day that I wake up. I’ve never felt this horrible. I don’t even want to get up and go to work. I wake up and I remember that I was too weak to beat him. He kissed me and suddenly, that’s all I could think about. Next thing I realized, he uses my own discs against me and I’m being pulled to the elevator.”

“I will never understand what it feels like.” Foggy said softly, carefully stepping closer to you. “I wasn’t there. But Livia, shutting down isn’t gonna help you process this grief. You need us around.”

“I don’t know how to grieve!” You shouted suddenly. You caught the small movement out the corner of your eye and you quickly realized what it was. “Did you just flinch?”

Silence.

“Foggy.. Are you afraid of me?” You asked carefully.

He sighed instead of answering.

You swallowed the lump building in your throat and nodded slightly. “Yeah, of course you are.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He tried quickly. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“C’mon.” You scoffed. “It’s practically dripping off you.”

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” He insisted. “We’re just worried about you, Livvy. I know losing Matt was hard for you.”

“Of course it was. It hurt like nothing in the world. If anyone gets that, it should be you.”

“I do, but we don’t think that this is the best thing for you to be doing.”

“And what exactly do you think I’m doing?”

“C’mon.” He scoffed slightly but you stared expectantly instead of answering. “Billy Russo?”

“What does it matter who I sleep with? It’s not like I’m cheating on anyone.”

“So it doesn’t bother you to bring guys into Matt’s apartment?”

“My apartment.”

“Into Matt’s bed?”

“My bed.”

“Either way. Sleeping with your boss-“

“He’s not my boss anymore.” You cut in. “I’m leaving Anvil. I have to report to Quantico for training next week.”

“Really?”

You nodded. “Dex called a few days ago.”

“That’s great.” He gave a small smile. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“When was I supposed to?” You have a small shrug.

“Do you think this is gonna help you feel better?”

“I don’t want to feel better..” You shook your head and laughed bitterly as you spoke a truth you hadn’t even admitted to yourself . “Because no one is ever gonna love me like that again! I don’t want to get over it! I want to sit with him in bed and I know it’s really fucking selfish but I’m so fucking lost without him. Someone loved me, Foggy. Someone actually loved me and I loved him, too! And goddamnit, I was worth something to him!”

“That’s what this about?” He pressed. “You want someone to tell you you’re worth something?”

“I earned something with Matt. Despite every odd being against us and everything that tried to kill us, we made it because we fought for it.” You said as you stared at the countertop, a cold sadness creeping into your chest that you tried to push away. “He showed me that I had the right to die, right to live. Just a right to choose, yknow? Me and him, we were both a trainwreck but also somehow making it. And I would do it all again.”

“You guys had something special.” He nodded. “I’d never seen him as happy as he was when you were around.”

“All my miserable life, I loved someone I barely knew.. I remember figuring out he was Daredevil and I felt absolutely gutted. It was like… Who was he? How had I not known sooner?”

“None of us knew, Livia. He thought he was protecting us.”

“Yeah, you’re preaching to the choir here.” You rolled your eyes. “My point is that now he’s down there-“ You made a vague gesture towards Midland Circle. “-and I’m still here. What else am I supposed to do?”

“Not shut us out. Livia, we love you! We’re here for you but you won’t talk to us!”

“Cause I don’t want to feel better! What part of that isn’t getting through? I want to rip the skies apart and fight God! I want to make a deal with any religion that’ll bring him back!”

“I want him back, too.” He tried, stepping to the opposite side of the counter.

“But it wasn’t your fault, was it?”

“I’m the one who brought him the suit! I brought yours! It’s my fault just as much as yours!”

“The difference is that we were going in there whether you brought the suits or we had to get them ourselves! He’s dead because I couldn’t stop him!”

“No one blames you!”

“I do! I wake up every day and when I wake up without him, I know it was because I failed him. I loved him so goddamn much and…”

“Livvy...” He said softly, reaching for the hand closest to him. Looking down at your palms that rested on the countertop, you noticed they were shaking. “You don’t have to put yourself through this alone… We all get it.”

“Then why is everybody not angry? Crying out? Screaming and cursing and acknowledging he’s gone?” You looked up to meet his worried eyes. “Why is everybody so happy in the sun like nothing happened at all? Jessica. Luke. God, Luke. He could’ve tried to stay. You don’t think the unbreakable man wouldn’t have had better luck surviving a falling building than a blind man in a devil costume?!”

He didn’t have an answer.

“But the same goes for Danny. Or Claire. Nobody has talked about it. You wanna know who actually called? Colleen. And I hardly talked to her! Everyone else shrugged it off that Matt Murdock is dead. He died for this city that he loved so much and this city doesn’t even know it!”

“Me. You. Karen. We all have matching wounds from what happened.”

“Do we?” You laughed bitterly and stood tall, pulling your hand away. “Matching wounds? Cause it seems like mine is still black and bruised and hurting, but you guys are perfectly fine.”

“Y’know what.” He sighed and stood a step back with hands up in surrender. “If you don’t want us around, you want to do the same bullshit lone soldier routine Matt did, go ahead. But if you get yourself killed, that would be your fault.”

He left after that and slammed the door behind him.

You stood in the kitchen for a moment, quiet as you processed what happened. Then you screamed in frustration and slammed your hand against the countertop. You winced and peaked down to see the split skin at the base of your pinky’s knuckle where it hit the handle of the fork you had left out from the morning. You groaned in annoyance before rinsing it in the sink as three quick taps sounded on your door before it opened.

“Hey. Saw your friend in the hall.” He announced his arrival.

“Yeah..” You said absently.

“You alright? What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Livs.”

“It’s not your problem to worry about, Billy.” You sighed and lifted your eyes to look at him. “That’s not the kinda thing we have going here.”

He offered a slightly amused but challenging raise of his brows as he came around to your side of the counter. He put his hands on the counter on either side of your hips, caging you in as he leaned closer. You huffed quietly and hopped up to sit on the cool marble.

“Y’know you’re burning up?” He tried with a smirk.

“Yeah, tends to happen when I’m pissed off.”

“So what do you say…” His hands slid up the side of your legs and under your shirt, fingers dancing against your lower back. “… we burn off a little steam?”

The next day, you stared in your bathroom mirror after you woke up and left Billy in the bed. Your conversation with Foggy bounced around your skull all night but you kept coming back to one solid thing.

Everyone else was fine. They were done grieving and had accepted his death. You had to do the same.

You let your mind drift to Midland Circle, to the crushing memory of watching the collapsing building swallow the man you loved.

You watched the blue cloudiness fan across your eyes and you let yourself feel frozen until suddenly, your vision cleared and you felt nothing as you flicked away the single tear.

You weren’t happy. You weren’t sad. You weren’t grieving or angry or alone.

You were absolutely empty.

Maybe that’d be a better way to start this new chapter of your life. A few months away from the Kitchen, away from your grief and any sort of feeling might be what you need to find some semblance of who you used to be.

Or you’ll find someone new to be.

[lifesucksheres20bucks]

for those hesitant about starting Echo: PLEASE DO

IT LITERALLY FEELS LIKE THE DEFENDERS ERA AND ITS FUCKING AMAZING! IT’S ALSO AS GRAPHIC AS THE NETFLIX ONES SO FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THAT YOU’LL LOVE ECHO

also pls support bipoc female lead shows! Especially indigenous ones!!

[000marie198]

The fact that the Httyd gang knows about the effect of dragon nip but they are never seen using it on any dragons throughout the franchise unless it's like a last resort or an emergency to stop extremely out of control, hostile dragons. They know that grass is like a drug for the dragons so they never use it against them even to try and train them. As if it is against their moral code to try the easiest way to tame any dragon.

Like, these kids know all these little perks about dragons that Hiccup learned in the first movie. The dragon nip, eels, moving spot of light, specific disabling scratch spots etc. And none of them uses these to befriend or train any dragons throughout the course of the franchise! Dragon nip is an emergency last resort for when they encounter a super aggressive dragon, eels are an absolute no, nobody used shiny laser light spot on any dragons post Httyd 1.

No, they befriend the dragons with trust. They'll only give a dragon scratches after asking permission that is telegraphed in their body language.

The riders respect dragons and there are so many little subtle things which show how they never treat these incredible amazing beings as if they are animals, they always treat them as individuals. As equals.

I love Httyd so much like you have no idea.

[fellatitledthemf]

Oh sweet, sweet irony

[boxesblr]

replaying the clip of Cleo saying "etho doesn't take himself seriously at all, but he takes other people seriously. That's part of his charm" over and over again in my head. It's so clarifying to me