#deep dive i know but some of you are with me

[kirammanswifey]

arcane characters proposing x fem reader

characters: viktor, jinx, vi, caitlyn, jayce, ekko, silco, mel and sevika.

writer's note: it was so satisfying to have written this after so much dramaaaa. i really liked this dynamic and i'll exploit it with so much more scenarios so be prepared for a lot of fluff, btw my favorite proposal was jayce's, he was all cute and clumsy. as you already know request are open ;)

Viktor

The silence in the lab is heavy, interrupted only by the soft hum of the machines he has designed himself. You’re beside him, watching how his fingers move with skill, adjusting a piece of the contraption he holds in his hands. The dim light from the lamps reflects on his face, casting shadows that highlight the features of his face, always so serious, so focused. But in his eyes, there’s something different today. Something... softer, deeper.

You’re used to seeing him in his colder, distant side, but something has changed. There’s a strange calmness in his presence. When he looks up and meets your gaze, his lips curl slightly, a small but meaningful smile.

"Science is my life," he says in his deep, measured tone, as if evaluating each word before speaking. "And it always has been. But some time ago, something changed. Something that... has nothing to do with experiments or formulas. Something I can’t measure or control."

He looks at you with an intensity that feels almost uncomfortable, as if he were exposed, vulnerable, on ground where he doesn’t have all the answers. His voice, though firm, carries a vulnerability he rarely shows.

"You’ve given me more than I thought I needed," he continues, his eyes never leaving yours. "It’s not just what you’ve done for me in the lab. It’s... what you’ve done for me as a person. You’ve been my anchor, my reason to keep going when everything seemed lost. In a world that doesn’t have clear answers, you’re the only certainty I have."

The distance between the two of you seems to shorten. Viktor takes a step toward you, although his movements are slow, as if each one carries meaning. He stops beside you, almost as if it were a gesture of trust, of allowing himself to be vulnerable in your presence. He closes his eyes for a moment, as if preparing to say something that has taken him a long time to decide.

"What I’m about to say... doesn’t have any exact formula. No calculation that validates it," he says, and you can see his hands tremble slightly. "But I know that, with everything I’ve done, with everything I still want to do, I would never feel complete without you."

His voice is soft now, much quieter, as if what he’s about to say is a secret, one he’s revealing only to you.

"I’ve seen you beyond the brilliant mind, beyond the scientist who always challenges me. I’ve seen you as someone who, no matter how many times I shut myself off from the world, continues to be by my side, expecting nothing more than... to be with me."

He takes something from his pocket. A small metal case. He opens the lid carefully, revealing a simple ring, but with an elegance that only he could have imagined and created. The Hextech light reflects off the blue stone, casting glimmers that make your breath catch for a moment.

"My life wouldn’t be the same without you. And if there’s one thing in this world I don’t want to lose, it’s the opportunity to have you by my side forever."

Viktor looks at you deeply, waiting, more vulnerable than he’s ever been. And finally, after all the science, all the advancements, all the sacrifices... he asks you with a sincerity that cuts through the air:

"Will you marry me?"

The silence that follows is absolute. You stay motionless, unable to articulate a word. The weight of his declaration, of his vulnerability, pierces you, but instead of an immediate response, you dive into the intensity of his eyes, looking for something, any sign, any confirmation that this isn’t a dream. Viktor begins to worry, and the discomfort is reflected on his face.

"It’s a shame... I can’t do it the conventional way, kneeling..." he murmurs, his voice trembling. "But... I guess..."

You can’t let him finish the sentence. The anxiety in his eyes, the insecurity in his posture, prevents you from doing so. You move quickly, placing your lips on his with a soft kiss, but one filled with everything you can’t put into words. The world seems to fade away, and all that remains is him, the beating of your heart, and that silent connection between you two.

When you finally pull away, his gaze is still fixed on you, expectant, anxious. With a tenderness that comes from deep within, you take his face in your hands, your fingers caressing his skin as if it were the most precious thing in the world. And it was. He was the most precious thing in your world.

You look deeply into his eyes, every word that leaves your mouth filled with love, promises, and everything you haven’t said until now.

"Yes, Viktor... yes, yes, yes. Always yes."

The air between you both is filled with a new energy, one that needs no more words, because the simple fact of being together is enough.

Jinx

The night has fallen, but it’s not a peaceful one. The air is charged with electricity, as if the whole world is waiting for something, and you, trapped in the whirlwind of the city, can’t help but feel that something is about to explode. Literally.

You walk through the dark alleys of the Undercity, the neon lights flickering around you, when suddenly, a familiar laugh makes you turn. Jinx appears, her electric blue hair waving in the wind and a spark of madness in her eyes. She’s holding a large, seemingly heavy box in her hands, grinning mischievously.

“Surprise!” she says, her voice overflowing with excitement. “I’ve got something incredible to show you. It’s bigger than anything you’ve ever seen!”

Before you can say anything, she grabs your hand and drags you toward an open space, where a small platform is set up, filled with wires and explosives. The sense of danger is in the air, but it’s impossible not to feel the adrenaline she radiates. You know that with Jinx, you can’t expect anything conventional, but that’s what makes her so unpredictable. So... perfect.

“What are you doing?” you ask, although you can already imagine the kind of madness she has in mind.

“Doing what I’ve always wanted to do! A celebration of love that no one will ever forget!” she replies, her smile so wide it almost lights up the city’s darkness.

Jinx runs toward an improvised control panel and presses a button with exaggerated theatricality, as if it were a grand revelation. Suddenly, the sky lights up. A flash of colors bursts above you, as if the very chaos inside her wanted to spill over into the universe. Fireworks. A visual spectacle so dazzling that it takes your breath away. It’s as if the whole city is alive, as if life and death themselves were dancing in the sky.

While the explosions of colors fill the air, Jinx approaches you, her eyes sparkling as if she had immersed herself in her own world of madness and love. She’s not one to beat around the bush or speak sweetly, so when she takes your face in her hands, her fingers cold but full of energy, you know what she’s about to say is as unexpected as everything she does.

“Listen,” she says, looking at the colorful stars exploding above them. “What I love most about this world is the chaos. Things don’t have to be perfect or make sense! But... there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of.”

Your heart beats faster, but you can’t help but smile at her wild declaration.

“I want you to be my chaos,” she continues, her voice full of determination. “I want you to join me in this journey of madness, to hold on to me when I explode, to keep laughing when the world falls apart, to follow me... because you and I are invincible!”

With a nearly mischievous grin, Jinx pulls something from her jacket: a ring. It’s quirky, like everything in her life, with visible gears and sparkling stones, some even crackling slightly, as if they’re about to explode.

“What I mean is... will you marry me? Tell me yes before I run out of fireworks!”

Jinx’s laughter is a little overwhelming, an echo of her own unpredictable essence. But despite all her chaos, there’s something so sincere in her eyes, something that makes you feel that, even though the world may be on the edge of destruction, this moment, this chaos, is the only thing that truly matters.

You stand there, speechless for a moment, overwhelmed by the light bombardment and the madness of the proposal, but when you see how she looks at you, waiting, you realize you have no doubts. Jinx has made it clear in her own language: love is a dangerous game, but you want to play it by her side.

With a brilliant smile, you approach her, and between the lights, amid the roar, you whisper:

“Yes, Jinx. Yes, to this chaos. Yes, always.”

Vi

You’re lying on the couch, comfortable and relaxed, with your head resting on Vi’s legs. The soft sound of the city that never sleeps drifts in from the window, but inside the house, the silence feels cozy. Vi is sitting, her muscles tense but calm, with a thoughtful expression as she plays with your hair, something that always soothes you.

The warmth of her presence surrounds you, and for a moment, everything seems perfect. But something in the air changes. Vi’s relaxed demeanor begins to feel different, as if she’s holding something back. You realize that, for the first time, she’s not being the confident Vi, the one who always has everything under control.

“Are you okay?” you ask, lifting your head from her legs to look at her directly. Vi doesn’t answer right away, and her fingers stop moving through your hair. There’s uncertainty in her eyes, something you haven’t seen before.

She shifts, crosses her legs, but doesn’t seem as comfortable as usual. “You know... I’m not really good with these things,” she says, her voice softer than usual. “I’m always the one who throws punches and solves everything my way, but now...” Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment, avoiding eye contact.

You look at her, sensing that something important is about to come out of her mouth. On her face, that nervous grimace is a clear sign that she’s struggling with herself. Something’s going on, but she doesn’t know how to express it.

“What I mean is... I’ve never been good with words,” Vi continues, letting out a nervous laugh. “And I’m not one for grand gestures or fancy things. I’m not someone who can give you the best, like... you know, expensive jewelry or fancy places. But there’s something I know I want.”

Vi takes something from her pocket, and when you see it, a small ring appears between her fingers. It’s not shiny or flashy. It’s simple, made of metal with a rustic design, almost as if she made it herself. A small symbol of her effort and her love.

“This... isn’t much,” she says, looking at the ring with a slight embarrassment. “I got it with what I could save. It’s not perfect, but... I want it to be a symbol of who I am for you. Of everything we’ve been through together. And... I want us to be together. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, even if I’m not the best at this. Because, despite everything, I love you more than I can put into words.”

Vi looks at the ring like it’s a simple object, but in her eyes, you can see how much it means to her. Her insecurity is palpable, as if she’s waiting for the ring to not be enough. But you know that’s not what matters. You know it’s all she has to offer you, and that’s what makes this moment even more special.

You see her nervous, waiting for a response, and you can’t help but smile. You get up and stand in front of her, gently touching her hands, and when you look at her, the insecurity on her face melts away, though her voice is still a fearful whisper.

“Vi,” you say, with a sincere smile. “I don’t care about the ring, I don’t care about what you couldn’t give me. What matters is that you’ve shown me more love than I ever imagined. Yes, I want to marry you. Yes, I always want to be with you, by your side.”

Vi looks at you as if she can’t believe what she just heard. Her face lights up with a pure expression of relief and happiness. Even though the words aren’t perfect, everything this moment means is in her eyes. She lets out a nervous laugh and, without thinking, pulls you into a tight hug.

“I knew you’d say yes,” she whispers, but her voice is full of emotion. And you, amid the laughter and the embrace, know that despite everything that has happened, this moment couldn’t be more perfect.

Caitlyn

Night has fallen over Piltover, and the city lights shine with a golden glow, reflecting the majesty of the buildings and the life that has always characterized this city. Caitlyn has invited you to dinner at one of the most exclusive restaurants in town, an elegant place, tastefully decorated, where the panoramic view takes your breath away. The atmosphere is calm, yet filled with a sophisticated air. The murmurs of other diners do not interrupt the softness of the background music.

Caitlyn looks impeccable, as always, in her elegant dress that accentuates her delicate but strong features. The soft candlelight flickers on her face, highlighting the concentration in her eyes. From the moment you entered the restaurant, you could sense something in the air, but she is determined to maintain composure, even though her hands occasionally move restlessly over the table.

The dinner goes on as usual, with Caitlyn talking about her latest research advancements, her projects, and concerns about the future of Piltover. But even though the topic is important and her voice is firm, you can't help but notice the tension inside her. She drinks a bit more wine than she normally would, and from time to time, her fingers play with the glass as if she is seeking comfort.

"I've been waiting for this," she says suddenly, her eyes fixed on you, although her tone betrays her nervousness. "I don't know if I'm good at this, but I think... well, I need to be honest. I don't like hiding things, and this is important."

Your eyes meet hers, noticing how a slight blush begins to appear on her cheeks. Caitlyn, the woman who always has a logical answer for everything, now looks completely vulnerable. But it's not her nervousness that makes you smile; it's the way she looks at you, as if this moment is more important than any project or achievement.

Caitlyn sighs deeply and finally gets up from her chair, giving you a little spin around the table. You don't know if it's to calm herself or because she needs to distract her thoughts, but she approaches slowly, as if each step is a challenge. Her hands tremble slightly as she places them on the table, and you realize that something very important is about to happen.

"I know this isn't something I planned in the traditional way," she says, her voice soft but firm, "but... this is how I feel. And I want you to know." She lifts her hand, showing you a small ring, whose shine is subtle but radiant. It is a delicate ring, with a simple yet elegant design, of impeccable quality. And when you see it, you realize it's not just any jewel.

It's the ring her mother wore at her wedding, the same one Caitlyn had seen so many times, the one she had touched with so much love when she was a child. A symbol of tradition, of enduring love. A symbol of family.

"This is my mother's ring," Caitlyn says, almost whispering. "I know it's not a modern ring, nor expensive compared to what I could buy, but... it holds a very special meaning. For me, it means everything I want to offer you. My family, my love, my commitment. My promise that I'll always be by your side."

She looks at you, her eyes shining with emotion, as if it were the first time she showed something so intimate, so hers. There are no doubts in her gaze, only a deep certainty of what she's saying, but her voice remains soft, sincere.

"I love you," she says, with a clarity that reaches straight to your heart. "And I want you to be my partner in all of this, not just in the good moments, but in the difficult ones. Because, for me, there is no one else I want to be with. Only you."

Caitlyn places the ring in front of you, and for a moment, all the bustle of the restaurant disappears. Only the soft sound of her breath and the beating of your heart remain. You know what you have to do, but this moment feels so perfect, so genuine, that the words seem stuck in your throat. All you want to do is take her hand, look her in the eyes, and say yes.

Finally, your words come out with a wide smile. "Yes, Cait. Yes, I want to spend my life with you."

Caitlyn's eyes light up with a happiness that makes you feel as if everything is in its place, as if nothing else matters about what may come in the future. This moment, this commitment, is everything you both needed.

Caitlyn hugs you tightly, and the ring shines on your finger, a symbol of a pure and deep love, born from honesty, vulnerability, and sincerity from a woman who, despite her external perfection, has always been real with you.

Jayce

The day had been long and full of work, but Jayce, with his determined spirit, decided to surprise you. Instead of taking you to a fancy restaurant or preparing something sophisticated, he had a much bolder idea—a homemade dinner. That made you smile immediately, knowing that Jayce wasn’t exactly an expert chef. But you didn’t care; the idea of sharing something so personal with him excited you more than any gourmet dinner.

When you entered the kitchen, you found him with an expression of total concentration, mixing ingredients in a way that left much to be desired, but you found it charming. He had made pasta, something simple, but it had surely cost him more effort than he wanted to admit.

"Surprise!" he said as he saw you approach. Although the dish wasn’t a culinary masterpiece, you sat with him, and despite the imperfections, you enjoyed every bite. The smile on his face as he watched you eat was enough to make everything seem perfect. And when, after a while of talking and laughing, you got up to go to the bathroom, he took the opportunity to open a special bottle of wine.

When you returned, the glass was ready, and seeing the wine in it and the label on the bottle, your eyes lit up with excitement. It was your favorite wine! You couldn’t stop smiling as you smelled it and took a small sip.

But then, suddenly, something wasn’t right. A strange piece caught in your throat made you cough hard. The wine spilled from your mouth as you tried to catch your breath, and in the midst of coughing, a strange sensation made you feel as if something was stuck there. In an instant, Jayce was by your side, looking at you with panic.

"What happened?! Are you okay?!"

With a quick maneuver, almost instinctively, Jayce patted your back and, with a racing heart, helped you spit out what was stuck in your throat. To both of your surprise, what came out was not just a piece of food, but a small ring now resting in your hand.

Jayce was in shock, looking at the ring and then at you, completely red with embarrassment. "Oh no! That wasn’t part of the plan! How did that get there? Everything has gone wrong... I’m sorry, I never imagined this would happen."

You laughed, almost hysterically, as you cleaned the ring with a napkin and held it in your palm. Despite the comical situation, Jayce was clearly frustrated. He wanted everything to be perfect, but you didn’t care. It was clear that all that mattered was that he was there, in front of you, despite the fiasco.

"Are you going to ask me or not?" you asked, the smile on your lips growing as you watched his face change from despair to disbelief.

Jayce looked at you, and for a moment, he didn’t know what to say. He was nervous, completely out of place. "Really? Now…?" he asked, with a nervous laugh. But it didn’t take long for him to do what he had to do. With a shy but genuine smile, he knelt before you, somewhat clumsy but sincere, and with a nervous laugh, he said:

"Well… since it seems I can’t do anything right today, maybe this will be the one thing that goes well. Will you marry me?"

The scene, as clumsy as it was funny, made you laugh even more, but in the end, all that mattered was that he was there, in his own way, loving you. The ring, somewhat imperfect in all its disorder, represented more love than anyone could ask for. Without thinking any further, you took his face in your hands and kissed him tenderly, answering in the simplest yet most profound way possible:

"Yes, Jayce. I do."

Ekko

The Undercity held its own kind of magic. The faint lights of the streetlamps flickered through the mist, and the distant sounds of the markets blended with the steady flow of water running through the pipes. You were sitting on an improvised bench in a hidden corner, surrounded by the crumbling walls, but to you, this place felt like the very heart of the world. Ekko had made it a refuge for the two of you, a space where you could escape from the chaos and, for a moment, forget about everything else except the present.

There was something special about that night. The way Ekko looked at you, the spark in his eyes... it wasn’t like the times before. There was something deeper now, a sense of resolution, as if he was on the verge of making a decision that would change everything. And he did.

"You know," Ekko began, his voice more serious than usual, "I've been thinking a lot about things lately. About how everything we've lived through... everything we've overcome... has changed us." His words carried a weight they usually didn’t.

The conversation didn't seem to be heading towards a cheerful topic, but there was something in the air that told you what was coming was important. You leaned in a little closer, sensing that the atmosphere was charged with something.

He pulled a small device from his pocket, something that looked like an old piece of machinery, but upon closer inspection, you realized it was no ordinary gadget. It was a pocket watch, but not the kind you'd find in a store. This one was modified, a timepiece that seemed designed not only to measure time but also to control something else... something intangible, like destiny. It was something Ekko had built over the years, a reflection of his constant efforts to understand the flow of time.

"This watch," he said with a faint smile on his lips, "is a reminder. A reminder that even when things seem out of control, we can always find a way to move forward. Like us, always moving forward, no matter what comes our way."

He looked at you with a seriousness you’d never seen from him before, and for a moment, he fell silent, as if searching for the right words.

"And… what I’m trying to say is that, even though we don’t have control over time, even though we can’t stop what’s coming, I want you to keep walking by my side. Every second, every minute, every step."

Despite his usual relaxed demeanor, in that moment he seemed more vulnerable than ever. The watch he showed you wasn’t just a machine; it was a symbol of what he had been searching for his whole life: a way to stop time, so that the most important moments wouldn’t slip away.

"So, if at any point you feel the same way," he added, gently taking your hand, "I’d like this... what we’re living... to never end. That we can keep making memories together. I don’t know if there’s a right way to ask, but... would you like to be with me, always?"

He looked at you with a vulnerability you’d never seen before, almost as if afraid you might say something that would break the magic of the moment.

You couldn’t help but smile, at first as if you were in shock, speechless. This Ekko, the one who always had a plan, the one who had faced a thousand battles, was now asking you to be by his side forever, with a sincerity he rarely showed. It wasn’t a grand traditional gesture, but to you, it was even more meaningful.

You were silent for a few seconds, and that made Ekko feel even more unsure, his gaze beginning to fade as if he thought you had already decided not to answer. But before he could pull away or say anything more, you caught him, quickly closing the distance between you.

"Yes," you whispered, but it was a resounding yes. "Yes, Ekko, I want to be with you. Always. I don’t need a watch or a perfect plan. I just need you."

You held his hand more firmly, looking into his eyes, and his lips formed a slight smile, though his face still carried a trace of nervousness.

"Together, forever, babe," he said, pulling you close and resting your back against his chest. You smiled happily as his arms wrapped around you.

You took the watch and kissed it, feeling the cold scent of rusted metal.

"Forever," you replied, and that word felt like the beginning of something eternal.

Silco

It was another night when the soft light of candles flickered, casting shadows in the corners of the room. The atmosphere in Silco's office was charged with tension, as always, but tonight something felt different. The usual coldness of the room had transformed into something warmer. On the walls, shadows danced to the rhythm of the flames, and the scattered papers on his desk seemed to tell stories of past struggles and uncertain victories.

However, Silco wasn’t at his desk. He stood in the center of the room, silently watching you as you leaned against the door, returning his gaze. His presence was magnetic, as always, but there was something different about him tonight. Something more vulnerable in his stance, as if he had been waiting for you—or rather, waiting for you to understand what lay beneath those deep eyes.

“This is a different kind of night,” Silco spoke, his voice grave, deliberate, as if weighing each word. He motioned for you to come closer, but not to him—toward the far side of the room. A table, delicately designed, rested just beneath a window overlooking the chaotic landscape of the Undercity.

As you approached, you noticed several boxes on the table, some open, some closed. One wooden box caught your eye. Silco’s gaze hardened on it, almost as if he feared what might happen when it was opened, or perhaps what it represented. He moved toward it slowly, like someone executing a carefully planned act, and gently opened the box.

Inside lay a ring. It wasn’t the kind of ring you’d expect from someone like Silco—no extravagant jewels, no grand display of wealth. Yet, there was something profound about it. The fine, dark metalwork and the stone that caught the light in a way you couldn’t ignore seemed to tell a story. It was as if the ring itself embodied both the harshness of his life and the softness of feelings he had long kept hidden.

“This is the kind of thing I never cared for,” he said, his tone mixing toughness with an unexpected sincerity. “A symbol without meaning. But since you arrived, I’ve learned that there are things worth more than logic.”

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Silco showed a hint of insecurity. His gaze clouded for a moment, as if he feared your reaction. But instead of saying more, he stepped closer, the ring in his hand, and slowly sank to his knee before you.

“I’ve sacrificed so much, maybe that’s why I never let myself desire more. But now I know. I know because I want you. And because I don’t want to do this alone.”

There was no grand gesture, no theatrics, but the weight of sincerity in his simple act stunned you. He looked up at you, his eyes full of vulnerability, asking for something more than anyone had ever dared to ask before.

“Will you marry me?”

The silence in the room was thick, filled with everything Silco couldn’t say but what his proposal meant. It wasn’t a casual request—it was a serious commitment, as serious as everything he’d fought for in his life.

For a moment, you stood still, heart racing—not because of the surprise, but because of the sheer intensity of his words and the unexpected gesture. You had seen the calculating side of Silco, the way he controlled every aspect of his life, every decision with precision. But this—this was something entirely different. It was the purest form of vulnerability, someone willing to give it all up for love, to risk everything they’d built for someone who meant more than any achievement.

Finally, you took a deep breath and, with a soft smile, nodded. “Yes,” you said, your voice steady but full of emotion. “There is nothing I want more in this world than to be your wife.”

The air shifted instantly. Silco stood slowly, and his normally implacable face softened. It was as if he had laid down an immense weight, as if the future finally had a clear purpose.

Without another word, he pulled you into his arms. In that moment, the shadows in the room seemed lighter, less oppressive. With the promise of a future together, everything that had once seemed distant, unreachable, now felt within both your grasps.

Mel

It was a quiet night, one of those where the sounds of the city reached you muffled, as if time was willing to grant you a break. Mel's living room, as always, was a perfect display of elegance and order, but something about the atmosphere that night felt different, warmer, more intimate. The soft light from the lamps illuminated the carefully arranged furniture, and there was a rare calm in the air, something that only happened when the worries of the outside world seemed to vanish for a moment.

Mel had invited you to her house that night, but not for dinner or a formal event. Instead, she had wanted to show you something more, something personal. And seeing the invitation in her eyes, you knew this moment was special.

When you entered, the house had a more relaxed vibe than usual. The fireplace flickered softly in the background, and the air was filled with the delicate scent of incense. However, what truly caught your attention was what was in the center of the room. A large painting, a framed portrait, was leaning against the wall, carefully placed under a soft light.

"I want you to see this," Mel said with a slight smile, her usually firm voice now tinged with an unexpected sweetness. She approached you, guiding you toward the painting. Though her face didn’t give it away, there was a slight tension in her movements, as if she was waiting for your reaction.

You stepped closer to the portrait, and your breath caught as you saw the image in front of you. It was a portrait of you, painted with a level of detail that only someone like Mel could have achieved. Every line, every shadow seemed to capture something beyond your appearance: a reflection of your being, how she saw you. It wasn’t just a painting; it was an expression of how Mel perceived you, something that had been rendered with such dedication that the work itself seemed to come alive.

"It’s… incredible," you murmured, unable to articulate a more complete response. Mel watched your reaction, her eyes fixed on you, but without saying a word. You knew that, for her, this work meant far more than just a portrait. It was a piece of her soul, an extension of her deepest feelings.

"I did it because… because I wanted to capture something that could never be expressed just with words," Mel said, her tone calm but loaded with meaning. "It’s hard for me to share something so… personal, but with you, I feel like it makes sense."

You turned toward her, surprised by the vulnerability she was showing, so rare in the woman who had always kept everything under control. But there was something in her gaze, something in her posture, that made you see what she truly felt.

Mel took a step toward you, her gaze softening even further. "You are… the only person who has truly shown me what it means to let someone in so deeply. I’ve spent my whole life building walls, creating an image of control, but you… you’ve shown me something I didn’t even know I needed."

There was a softness in her words that you had never heard before. You knew her as a strong, calculating woman, always impeccable. But there, in that moment, in front of you, there was something more, something that only you had been able to awaken in her.

"And now I want you to… be part of my life. I want you not only to be part of this portrait, but of everything I’ve built. I’ve had all the power in the world, all the control I could wish for, but that doesn’t make sense without someone like you by my side."

Mel paused, almost as if she were fighting against herself, and then, with a smooth movement, extended her hand toward you. In her palm rested a small box, which she carefully opened, revealing a simple but elegant ring. It was beautiful but not ostentatious, with a unique beauty, a design that spoke of her personality: refined, but with a subtle touch of surprise. The golden ring glimmered softly under the candlelight, like a reflection of the same gentleness Mel had shown in her words.

"I want you to be my partner," Mel said, her voice a barely audible whisper, but filled with meaning. "Will you marry me?"

The moment was marked by a tense silence, loaded with emotion. Mel wasn’t seeking a grand declaration or an ostentatious proposal. She only wanted to share her life with you, in the way she knew how to do it: with a sincerity that only she could offer.

Without thinking, you stepped closer to her, took her face in your hands, and without saying another word, kissed her softly. The kiss wasn’t just a response to her proposal, but an affirmation of everything you shared, of everything that moment meant.

When you pulled away, her eyes were filled with something you had never seen before: vulnerability, hope, love. You took her hand, and with a warm smile, you said what she had been waiting to hear, what you both knew was true.

"Yes, Mel. Yes. I’ve always wanted this, to share all of this with you."

Mel smiled, her face lit by a deep emotion she had never shown before. Without saying another word, she hugged you, and in that embrace was everything she couldn’t say with words. The future, her promises, her fears, her desires. It was all there, intertwined in an embrace as warm as the painting she had created just for you.

Sevika

It had been a long and dangerous night, more than either of us had anticipated. You had gotten yourself into a mess, bigger than anyone else would have dared to handle, but there you were, beside Sevika, helping her get out of danger. There were a few of Silco's enemies, but with her strength and your ingenuity, you managed to make it all end in the blink of an eye. The tension eased, and calm washed over everything like a wave.

The air was charged with adrenaline, but also with a strange serenity when the two of you were finally away from danger. Sevika, with her impassive face and intense eyes, looked at you with a mix of gratitude and something more. You couldn’t say it was love at first sight or anything so romantic, but there was something about that moment that felt different, something raw, something real.

You stayed looking at her while both of you took a breath, your bodies still trembling slightly from the tension. She was so close you could feel her breath, as heavy and rhythmic as your own. Without warning, her eyes locked with yours, and for a moment, the outside world disappeared. There were no more enemies, no more worries, just the two of you.

Sevika didn’t speak at first. The full moon illuminated the corner where you were, but it was her silence that spoke volumes. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, her low voice cut through the air:

"Do you want to marry me?"

You stopped, surprised. Had she really said that? Or was it one of her usual jokes? It couldn’t have been more unexpected, could it? You laughed lightly, thinking it must have been a joke. But when you looked into her eyes, as serious as always, a knot formed in your stomach. Sevika wasn’t joking. Not this time.

"Just like that, out of the blue?" you asked, unable to suppress a smile of disbelief. It was as if all the chaos of the night hadn’t been enough to spill over into the unpredictability of her proposal.

She didn’t flinch, her lips curving into a slight smile, but her eyes stayed fixed on you, determined. "And why not? The best things come out of nowhere, don’t they?" she said with a tone that left no room for doubt. Her voice was strong, direct, but there was a softness hidden beneath her arrogance. Sevika had never been one for too many words, but the few she spoke always carried weight. As if nothing in her was accidental, and every decision she made was calculated down to the last detail.

She looked at you for a moment, evaluating you with the same intensity she always did, then added, "So, do you want to be my little, spoiled wife? I promise to put up with your snoring and you kicking me out of bed for all eternity." She joked, a low laugh escaping her chest, and you were a little surprised by the lightness in her tone, as if, in the seriousness of the situation, Sevika also needed to soften the moment in her own way.

Your reaction was automatic, more because of the teasing tone than the content of what she said. "Hey! I don’t snore that much!" you exclaimed, pretending to be offended, but the truth was, you couldn’t really be angry. You couldn’t be upset, because there was something about her that drew you in in a very unique way.

So, you decided to raise your right hand and move your ring finger. "No ring, no wedding," you warned, then flicked your hair in the air. "I’m not a girl who settles for little, and you know that."

Sevika approached you, never losing her smile. "Believe me, sweetheart, I’ll buy you the biggest, most expensive ring in the world. Tell me how many carats you want, and I’ll get it exactly how you ask for it." Her promise was full of a confidence only she could have. Every word sounded so convincing, so solid, that there was no room for doubt. Sevika never made empty promises, and this was no exception.

Her voice was deep, playful, as if she was willing to fulfill anything asked of her. You smiled, pleased, but something in her attitude sparked a mischievous glint in your eyes. Instead of continuing the joke, you went straight to the point and leaned close to her ear, whispering with a touch of playful innuendo:

"Since the best things come out of nowhere, why don’t we fast forward to the honeymoon?"

Your whisper was soft, but with an undertone of suggestion that didn’t go unnoticed. Sevika blinked a couple of times, clearly surprised by your response. But instead of being bothered, something on her face shifted, and a sideways smile appeared on her lips, as if you had pulled the idea right out of her head.

"I like that," she said, her tone now low and filled with palpable desire. "I love that you don’t beat around the bush." Her voice was hushed, heavy with desire, accentuated by how close she was to you. "Let’s make this night something much more... memorable."

Suddenly, the environment around you both ceased to exist. Only her eyes, the heat of her body near yours, and the certainty that, despite everything, something had begun in an unexpected way remained. The best things come out of nowhere, and tonight, Sevika had shown you that her way of loving, though fierce and daring, was also the most sincere you had ever known.

[clockwork-hearted]

This was the first queer movie I watched in high school. I remember finally having good, strong WiFi and exploring YouTube one night. Was using my refurbished MacBook that I begged my dad to get me so I can have something to use for school.

I don’t remember how exactly I came across this movie (honestly was probably going through some YouTube rabbit hole of “movies where guys make out” or the classic “two men kissing” search), but it was the full length movie. And it was free.

I was so excited to watch it and see what kind of guy on guy action I would get to see. But being forced to stay in the closet growing up, I couldn’t just outright watch this movie while my parents were home.

So I bookmarked it. Made sure I even saved the link somewhere. And had to wait until my parents weren’t home.

Thankfully, I ended up realizing that I was a teen that was allowed to stay up late on the weekends. So I stayed up, waited until both my parents were in their rooms, fast asleep, and then I went into my room, closed the door (couldn’t lock it though. Locking bedroom doors was an offense that would cause a scene every time for absolutely no reason), plugged my headphones in, and snuggled up and watched it.

I remember sitting upright to start it then getting tired and deciding to lay down. Ended up laying the laptop on its side just so I could keep watching haha

And I remember going through the rollercoaster of emotions seeing these two characters having a connection but being so twisted up about it. Regardless of everything they went through, I still wanted that. I still wanted someone I could kiss passionately. Someone I could go to bed with and wake up next to in our own little world. Someone I could go to the beach with and spend all day with. Someone who wanted to push me for my abilities (don’t have any but it played into my fantasies lol) and strive to be the best I could be at them.

And then reaching the end of the movie and being so happy with it. I remember crying. Crying so much that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to stop. I remember shoving my face in my pillows to try and muffle my crying.

Oh, I learned to cry silently so very quick in my home. How I learned what it meant to be even more suppressed than I already was. How I had to learn to hold back all the choking sounds my throat would utter and just let the tears flow. Silently blowing my nose into tissues so I wouldn’t wake my parents and cause a scene.

“Why are you crying? What’s happening? What did you watch? What’s going on? Etc. etc. etc.” - yeah, like I was going to come clean about my emotions and be able to talk these things out. Pht. How I wished and how I dreamed that I could. Would’ve made growing up easier. But I didn’t have those kinds of parents.

So the first night I watched this movie, it meant a lot in such little time. Movies like this really saved me as a teen.

I started doing a deep dive into any and all other queer movies I could find online for free (but that’s a story for a different time).

Tbh, I had forgotten about this gem of a movie. Made me feel a little guilty for forgetting, mostly because it really helped me continue pretending, and knowing that one day I would find someone to experience beautiful moments with. It allowed me to realize that queer media (that wasn’t porn) was out there, that I didn’t have to feel alone, and that it was only a few key strokes and google searches away.

For anyone who read through this whole thing (I know I blabbed, but I really needed to get this off my chest and my mind), thank you.

And I also hope that even though the world can feel so against you, even in spaces that are supposed to be safe, that there are people out there that know and understand you and can relate to how you feel.

I know it’s always easier said than done, but hang in there. And if it all gets to be too suffocating, please remember there are resources out there to help. But please, please, please, don’t get snuffed out. Let yourself burn as bright as you can. Because at the end of the day, you will always find Shelter- whether it’s with family members, friends, teachers, chosen/adoptive families, online communities, etc. you will find it. And you will be safe. And you will be loved.

I wish you all the very best. May this movie and many others bring you as much joy as it did to me. <3

Shelter (2007) dir. Jonah Markowitz

[crushpunky]

drew visits actress!reader (+ jealousy ensues)

masterlist | actress!reader masterlist

a follow up to drew and actress!reader feel the distance, however you don’t need to have read it. only thing to know is actress!reader is in a rom-com with tom blyth + drew is visiting her. warning for some sexual content, but nothing real :)

Y/n woke up early to get to set, insisting that Drew stay behind and catch up on lost sleep caused by his flight to meet her. He reluctantly agreed, spending the morning in y/n’s temporary apartment before coming to set to meet her on her lunch break.

“Come in!” Y/n shouted as she heard knocking at her trailer door. Drew opened the door, a grin on his face and arms full of food from her favorite taco place.

“Hello, my love. How was this morning?” Drew said as he entered y/n’s trailer, pressing a kiss to her head as he sat the food down on the table.

“Good. We shot mostly on the apartment set.” Y/n said, taking her food out and starting to dive into the foil. The sweet scent of cilantro filled y/n’s trailer as she took a bite, moaning as she savored the flavors. Drew chuckled, biting into his own tacos.

“So… are you planning on staying around set?” Y/n asked, her eyes remaining focused on her food in front of her, avoiding Drew’s face.

“Uh, yeah… if that’s alright with you.” Drew said with a quirk of his brow, his mouth full of food. Y/n nodded, flashing Drew a grin that didn’t quite meet her eyes. As happy as she was to see Drew, and to have him on set, the timing of the shooting schedule was a bit awkwardly unfortunate…

“Yeah, yeah, of course…” y/n said, trailing off and taking another small bite of her tacos. Drew’s brow furrowed, putting his food down before reaching across the table, taking y/n’s hand in his own.

“If you don’t want me to stay I don’t—” Drew said lowly, his thumb tracing gently along her knuckles.

“No, no. Of course I want you to say it’s just—” y/n ran a hand down her face with a groan, “we’re filming the scene today and… I don’t know, it might just be kinda weird is all.”

Drew’s face dropped slightly, a small noise of realization falling from his lips. When y/n was talking with him before taking this role, she’d mentioned that there were a few rather intimate scenes involved. She’d expressed some worry to him; worry about being so exposed on camera with an actor other than the actor she was in a relationship with. Drew, however, was more than supportive, encouraging her to go for it if it was what she wanted. Encouraging her that he trusted her just like she’d supported him on his own projects that required intense scenes.

“Hey, hey, I don’t want you to have to worry about me, a’ight? I’ll be ok.” Drew said, a slight grin on his lips as he squeezed y/n’s hand lightly. Y/n took in a deep breath, squeezing Drew’s hand back before wiping her mouth off with a napkin.

“Alright, alright. I love you and… I want you to stay. Please.” Y/n whispered. Drew nodded, flashing her a wide smile before lifting her hand to his lips.

“Y/n! We need you in hair and makeup in 5!” A sudden knock on the door interrupted them, causing the two of them to jump slightly.

“Coming!” Y/n shouted back, pressing a quick kiss to Drew’s head before heading to the door. Her hand rested on the handle for a second, turning back to look at Drew one last time.

“I love you.” Y/n said, a small but nervous look in her eyes as her eyes gazed over Drew.

“I love you, too, baby. You’ve got this.” Drew smiled back. With a final deep breath, y/n opened the door and headed to hair and makeup, ready to take on the scene that had been oh-so-present in the back of her mind.

Y/n adjusted her hair, smoothing down the front of her outfit one last time as the camera operators got into position. She stood in the kitchen of the apartment set, her co-star Tom just on the other side of the front door. The set up for the scene was that Tom’s character, James, was coming back to y/n’s character, Allison, after a tumultuous night that resulted in the two of them nearly crossing their carefully constructed line as friends.

“Alright, everyone in positions, please. Those not cleared to remain on set need to exit now.” The director shouted, setting himself up behind one of the cameras as the crew other than those deemed necessary for the scene exited the set. 

Tom and y/n had worked with an intimacy coordinator prior to shooting, figuring out every detail of the scene and ensuring all those involved were comfortable, especially herself and Tom. The two of them had gotten close while shooting, the awkward tension having mostly dissipated and allowing for the two of them to act as a believable couple without overthinking every minute detail. All of those discussions and time spent together led to this, a scene where they bared their souls (and bodies) to each other and the camera. After one last talk with the crew, Drew was cleared to stay behind, Tom more than willing to do whatever it took for y/n to feel most comfortable in their intimate scene.

Y/n spared Drew one last glance, him shooting back a thumbs up from behind the camera crew before settling into his seat. With a final deep breath, she turned back to face the door.

“Ok, and… action!” The director shouted, the cameras rolling as Tom knocked on the door.

“Coming!” Y/n said, placing her prop phone down on the table before making her way to the door. As she opened it, her eyes widened at Tom’s face.

“I… I can’t keep doing this, Allison.” Tom said lowly, taking a slow step towards y/n. Y/n took in a shaky breath, taking only a small step back as Tom grew closer.

“What? What are you talking about?” Y/n whispered, swallowing harshly as her eyes lingered on Tom’s lips.

“I can’t keep pretending we’re just friends.” Tom said, his jaw tense.

“I can’t either.” Y/n whispered. As soon as the words left her mouth, Tom’s lips were on hers. Her hands raised, cupping Tom’s cheeks as the two of them stumbled back into the apartment. Tom’s hands were all over her, holding her waist flush to himself as they continued kissing even as Tom closed the door. He spun her around, pressing y/n’s back against the door as her legs wrapped around his waist.

Behind the camera, Drew watched hesitantly, chewing at his bottom lip as Tom reached under y/n’s shirt, pulling it off to reveal the lacy purple bralette she was wearing. His lips immediately attached to her neck, y/n’s hands grabbing firmly onto Tom’s hair.

“James…” Y/n groaned, grabbing at the hem of Tom’s shirt before pulling it over his head. Her nails traced down Tom’s back as he pulled her away from the door, carrying her across the set until laying her down on the couch.

The scene continued on, the two actors performing their carefully practiced routine until the two of them were down to their nude colored modesty garments. They moved in sync until the scene reached its peak, the moment in which their characters finally said the words they’d been dancing around for so long.

“I love you.” Tom whispered against y/n’s neck as he pressed his body against her heaving chest. Drew found himself gripping the armrest of his chair, the sinking feeling in his stomach betraying every rational thought he had in his mind. He trusted Tom and he definitely trusted y/n, so why was he feeling like this?  

“I love you.” Y/n cried, burying her face in Tom’s neck with a sigh. Drew closed his eyes, swallowing harshly as he ran a hand down his face before standing from his chair. He rushed off the set, needing desperately to clear his racing thoughts before talking to y/n.

“Cut! That was perfect!” The director shouted from behind the camera. “We’re gonna check over the footage but I think we got it.”

As soon as the words left the directors mouth, Tom climbed off of y/n, reaching behind the couch for the cleverly hidden robes. Y/n sat up on the couch, smoothing her hair back as she took her robe from Tom.

“Nice job. Great as per usual.” Tom grinned as the two of them shrugged on their robes before offering his hand out to help y/n to her feet. Finally securely wrapped in her robe and off of the intensity of the scene, y/n eyes looked for Drew in his spot behind the camera, only to be greeted with an empty chair. Her face fell, a small breath falling from her lips as she hurried towards the crew.

“Where’d he go?” Y/n asked frantically, glancing at the director, who pointed out the back exit. Y/n ran through the door, her eyes immediately finding Drew. He sat on a bench, his head in his hands and back to her. His shoulders rose and fell slowly, his breathing deliberate as he tried his best to calm down.

“Drew?” Y/n said quietly, approaching Drew hesitantly. He lifted his head, his eyes wide as he looked up at her concerned face.

“Hey, I uh— I just needed some… fresh air.” Drew sighed, his voice betraying him as it cracked slightly. Y/n felt her stomach drop, the turmoil in Drew’s mind prevalent on his face as he tried his best to maintain his composure. With a sigh, y/n took a seat next to Drew, taking his hand. She held it lightly, her fingers tracing along the cool metal of his rings.

“Drew—” Y/n began.

“You guys did a good job.” Drew said lowly, his eyes finally meeting hers again. Y/n swallowed harshly, gnawing at her bottom lip as she looked back at him.

“Thanks…” Y/n nodded. “Are you okay?”

“I, um… I will be.” Drew sighed, running a hand through his hair. Y/n frowned, her heart breaking at the defeated tone of Drew’s voice. She felt horrible. Sure, she knew it was her job, and Drew had said he was okay with it, she couldn’t help but blame herself for the clear distress he was in.

“I’m sorry, Drew, I—” Y/n stammered, but was cut off as Drew shook his head harshly.

“No, no, don’t. Don’t apologize for doing your job.” Drew said. “If anything I should apologize for being… unprofessional.”

Y/n sighed, raising her hands to cup the sides of Drew’s face. He looked back at her, his hands naturally finding their place on her hips as her eyes bore into his.

“You’re allowed to feel… jealous, Drew.” Y/n whispered, causing Drew’s gaze to fall to the space between them as he closed his eyes. He shook his head slightly, biting at his bottom lip before lifting his eyes to meet hers again. He found himself trying to bite back a flustered grin, laughing at himself as he reflected back on the intense reaction he’d felt at the sight of someone touching y/n, even if it wasn’t real. Yeah. It was over for him. She was it, there was no denying it.

“You really messed me up, y’know that?” Drew chuckled. “I thought I was gonna throw up watching you guys… that’s some real rom-com shit.”

“It just means you must really like me.” Y/n said, a teasing smirk spreading across her lips as Drew tried to fight back his own grin before pressing his lips to hers. She felt a familiar buzz in her head, the light feeling that was noticeably absent when she was kissing Tom… but was always there each time Drew’s lips were on hers.

[bunny-jpeg]

secret tattoo (vol. 3)

lando norris

tags: smut/pwp, secret relationship, tattoos, assistant!reader, kitchen sex, implied dom!reader,

max edition // charles edition // lewis edition // toto edition

"she must have secrets somewhere. no one is that innocent. not even like a facebook profile or something....." lando trailed off while him and oscar eyed you while you were speaking to zak.

you were lando's new assistant, around his age with everything to the t. every box checked, perfect to keep mclaren's wonder in check. the issue was that lando had a keen eye. and he knew there was something, some secret that you were hiding.

curiosity got both drivers and a deep dive into your internet footprint turned up nothing. it wasn't that you had a lack of presence on it, it was just there was nothing to show. not even a drunken night at a club or an unsavory joke on twitter.

"maybe she's just that good." oscar shrugged, "perfect for this line of work." he turned to you, "i think maybe you're just assuming things, mate."

lando remained unconvinced. it wasn't until saw you after the summer break, usually your windbreaker while on the track covered your neck. but a shorter haircut plus the lack of the jacket combined to expose your dirty little secret.

you had a tattoo.

tattoos were no scandals. everyone and their mother had a tattoo nowadays. but the knowledge that you had one made sparks light off in lando's brain. it was so normal, but to lando it seemed so scandalous.

a little tattoo of a checkered flag. wasn't that sweet. it was so sweet that it made lando a little harder in his jeans when he saw it. he wanted to trace his fingers across it, kiss at it. watch you grow weak in the knees.

maybe it built onto the crush that lando harboured for you since the two of you met before the season. when you reached out and said, "lovely to meet you, mister norris. i hope we can work well together." then flashed him a smile that made something in his soul met.

you made him melt in ways that made him more willing to listen to his lovely assistant. zak once remarked that you trained him well. which you simply replied, "well mister brown, if lando is made is iron. then i'm made of steel."

so no wonder when you two ended up in a relationship. it was on your terms. lando was more than happy to put the trust in your hands. after all, you made sure that he got from point a to point b. you kept on a better leash than anyone else at mclaren could do.

but lando still wanted to kiss that tattoo so badly.

"hey, angel." he said as he came up behind you. he wrapped his strong arms around you and kissed the side of your neck. he asked, "i didn't know you had a tattoo?"

you chuckled, "i've told you i was always a fan of racing. so of course i'd end up with a tattoo of it." you rested against him, "i also have another one."

he replied, "and i thought that you were the innocent one."

you snorted a laugh as you flipped the pancakes in the pan, "oh please. unlike you, lando, i didn't have photos taken of me of every moment of every day. not everything needed photographic evidence."

"ah, well. i'd love to see you drunk at a club." lando remarked with his lips near the back of your neck, "now where's this other tattoo?"

"maybe after breakfast you can find out." you replied as you got the next pancake onto the plate. but lando was impatient with that sort of things. and he leaned over you to turn off the stove. and when you tried to swat him away with the spatula. you ended up over the counter top next to the stove. you could feel the heat of the appliance near by.

"mmm, aw, c'mon, beautiful. show it to me now. i wanna know all your dirty secrets." his voice was seductive. and while you held the reigns, lando know how to curl his hand in them as well. he leaned over you, his clothed hard on rubbed against your clothed behind, "i bet it's a tramp stamp. awww, dirty girl."

you moaned with your flushed face against the counter. damn lando norris, damn him. you replied, "it's not a tramp stamp. i've never been that drunk. it's on my bicep." and yelped when he got your shirt off over your head. his hand instantly touched your right bicep.

"aw, well isn't this a cute little tattoo.. a little cow."

you replied, "maybe you should get a matching one." you shuddered and let out a soft noise when lando's hands reached to the waistband of your sweatpants.

lando kissed the inked skin and replied, "no, no. i think you should get another. lucky number four." he chuckled, "that would be very cute. maybe my intials right up against your collarbone." his voice tinged with affection and sexual want.

to see his girlfriend/assistant with his number and initials across his skin was an arousing thought.

you chuckled against the granite counter top, "mmm, you know more girls ask for a ring, right? a little less permanent than a tattoo."

lando dropped your sweatpants and panties to your ankles and spread your legs a little further. he grabbed at his hard cock in his own pants and replied, "that's why i want you to get it. after all, i consider your my number one fan."

you rolled your eyes, "just a fan, huh?" and when you tried to move away from the counter, he placed a broad hand at the middle of your shoulders and pressed you back onto the counter. you moaned a little.

"but you're so much more than that, babe. you're the light of my life. the keeper of my secrets. you're my lover and so much more." he pulled his sweatpants and briefs under his cock. he stroked it a few times at the sight of your pussy and smiled to himself, "you're everything and so much more."

"and yet you want to taint my skin, mister norris?" you replied before you chuckled. your back arched a little when lando pressed himself into you.

"mm, i want to taint all of you." he held onto your hips, "make you all might. head to toe. body and soul." he kissed the center of your back where you were still in your bra. you felt the shudder of pleasure course through you as he fucked you up against the counter.

"you sound like a possessive man, lando." you looked over your shoulder and winked at him, "maybe you could have my name on you. so no one gets the wrong idea."

lando beamed at you for a moment, "well of course, everyone should know the woman who keeps me in line. made me a good boy." he rocked against you a little faster and you rested your head back against the counter.

you blushed a little more. his words really made your stomach clench. you felt really amazing under him. he knew how to fuck you so good, he knew how to make your stomach twist in the best way possible. there was something about lando. despite the trouble he could and had caused you, you yearned for him. something so deep. it felt like it was in your soul.

"you're everything to me. in more ways than one. i'm so lucky to have you, beautiful." he moved against you. he leaned forward once more and kissed the back of your neck where the tattoo was.

the sensation of his lips against a ticklish part of you made you tense up. your cunt clenched around his cock and he groaned at the feeling. which only spurred him on to kiss your tattoo more. to hear your sweet moans as he continued to fuck you with a heat in his gut.

while you usually didn't have sex in the kitchen. but lando couldn't help himself with you. there was something about you that just pulled him in. he loved the feeling of you in his arms.

he knew from the moment you met, that he'd want to be in your life for a long while. you held onto the edge of the counter while he rutted up against you. you moaned against the cool counter top, your hot breath warmed the area of the counter you were up against.

you could feel your sweaty body hot against the counter while he fucked you with an intensity that it radiated through your body. your thoughts were full of your lover while he moved. the two of you in the quiet kitchen of your apartment.

you were supposed to start the morning with some breakfast. pancakes for you to share, but it was hard to do that when lando had you up against the counter with his cock snug inside of you. but you could barely resist your lover on the track or when he was giving you puppy dog eyes when you scolded him for forgetting to reply to an email or was late for a meeting. so all bets were off when you two were alone.

his continued to kiss at the back of your neck and you held onto the counter top even tighter. he could feel the excitement in his chest, which caused it to clench. he panted heavily against you. he even kicked under the tattoo, where you were still ticklish and it made you tense up even more.

lando could only imagine how loud you got when you got the tattoo. he kissed your shoulders and continued to rut against you. his thrusts were short and fast, but the mounting pleasure made you feel the heat in your core.

"i can think of some other tattoos for you, beautiful." he said, "you look good with a bit of ink on your skin. turns me on even more." he chuckled as he kissed at you more.

"i can't believe you didn't know that i had another one."

he chuckled as he held onto you tighter, "never looking at your arms when i'm making you feel good." he said as he kissed your neck, which made you feel even more turned on.

"well aren't you a romantic." you moaned as you felt the pleasure hit its peak. you held onto the counter tightly as you arched your back a little bit and climaxed around his cock. your noises were short and your breathing was heavy. your heart was racing and you cursed under your breath.

this spurred lando on. he continued to fuck you and you made such sweet noises as he moved himself against you. he could feel the tension in his legs and the jelly in his knees. for even as someone as strong as him, it was hard for him to fuck while standing up. but, if you were able to climax. then he was going to get his.

his pace didn't stagger, only quicken. he felt the thrum of excitement in his chest as he moved. he kissed your back once more. with a few more thrusts, he pushed himself up inside of you. and finished inside of you. he groaned and said, "you're my girl." as he came.

he slowed to a stop and he kissed your cheek with a deep affection. you giggled a little. when he pulled out and got his cock back into his sweatpants, you still laid against the counter for a moment.

you exhaled deeply before you said, "you better help me finish the pancakes." before you reached for your bottoms. if he was going to give you mind blowing orgasms. he could at the very least help make breakfast.

-

there wasn't much affair when it happened. after a successful weekend in silverstone. you walked up to meet lando. he noticed a bandage behind your ear. it wouldn't be until you got to your next location that you'd show lando what was under the bandage

it was small, mostly covered by your hair. but lando say it as clear as day. the lucky number four, inked onto your soft skin. <3

the checkered flag tattoo

the cow tattoo

[kjhmyg]

rough edges pt. 19 (m) pairing: jungkook | reader genre: college!au, fluff, slight angst word count: 34k warnings: mentions of death, drug use, unprotected sex. 

summary: when you uncover your boyfriend's private life, a deep dive into it sucks you in as you try to help save him from himself.

a/n: i love you all, an epilogue will come after this, and then we're officially done. i hope you've enjoyed this long ride with me <3

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 6.5 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / part 19 / masterlist

RE asks tag / pinterest board

The revelation took a while to digest.

An hour later, and you’re still reeling from the surprise. After dinner, Namjoon retreated back to his apartment next door, one that had been vacant since the night of the raid. Your head continues to buzz. Everything had come to a standstill when the words spilled from Namjoon’s mouth. You were stunned into silence, eyes searching for any hint that he may be joking. But there was none of that, rather, a look of pride blooming on his face as he turned to your boyfriend. Jeon Jungkook, your boyfriend, was his informant. 

⎼

By Jungkook’s request, you’re staying over, but it wasn’t like you were planning on leaving anyway. You’d gotten Namjoon to speak with Hana so she wouldn’t worry when you told her you’d be away for the night. She thinks you’re staying over his place to get some space, which isn’t entirely a lie. But you left out a crucial aspect. Your desire to be proven right about Jungkook flew out the window hours ago. It doesn’t matter that she or anyone else doesn’t know he’s alive. They don’t need to know (and not until Namjoon clears it anyway). The calm night sky rests in contrast to the bright, bubbling city underneath. A collection of lives unfold before you in countless small frames. Each window gives you a glimpse into a stranger’s world, and you realise the beauty of humans living alongside each other, fighting their own battles and hiding behind a mask of smiles and superficial posts. Yellow and red lights line the road below, heavy traffic continuing even at this time of the night. If you listen closely, you can even hear the rumbling of a motorcycle engine and the honks of tired drivers. Safe in your boyfriend’s room, away from the madness, a feeling of content washes over you. The cool wind from the AC leaves goosebumps over your exposed skin, clothed only in one of Jungkook’s shirts. Jungkook steps out of the bathroom after a shower, and catches your eye from across the room. Tossing his towel aside, he walks over and lets you snuggle up to him, practically melting into you himself. “So nice and warm.” you mumble against his shoulder. He chuckles, then brings his finger to your chin, lifting you up so he can land a soft, innocent kiss. Sighing right after, he mumbles. “I’ve missed this.” The light shining through the windows land perfectly on his face, accentuating his features. You brush his hair back to take a good look. There’s a subtle difference about him, a shift in his aura. The smile he now wears is innocent and childlike, as if the part of him that held up a tough front has completely melted away. Your hand comes up to his cheek and he lets his head sink into your palm affectionately. He flashes a smile and you feel yourself getting lifted off the floor, hooking your arms around him in surprise. The couch in the living area has been unfolded into a huge bed, covered in a large blanket, bordered with pillows. Jungkook lets you down gently before turning down the lights. You slide your feet under the covers, taking refuge from the cold, and he joins you soon after, walking back with drinks and snacks from the kitchen. “I bought a bunch of stuff and put it on Namjoon’s tab.” He giggles, leaving them on the coffee table at the side. You can’t stop staring at the way he’s visibly at ease now more than ever before, and at the same time in disbelief that he’s right in front of you. Noticing this as he makes himself comfortable, he pulls you in closer and tucks stray strands of hair behind your ear. “Did you like the flowers?” “I knew that was you!” The sudden outburst has him laughing. “The note at the cafe too?” You huff when he confirms your theory. “I wasn’t allowed to make direct contact, so I did it discreetly. But then my handler found out I’d gone to the cafe, and Namjoon lectured me about it. So I had to stop.” “And then the playlist?” He nods. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier.” He confesses. Recalling the events of the night, Jungkook can’t help but to smile to himself. “I didn’t know Namjoon was gonna reveal everything tonight.” “It’s crazy,” you say, “I haven’t seen him in weeks. And suddenly he shows up and tells me he needs to talk about the case.” Jungkook scoffs at the thought. “He’s so dramatic.” “You’re pretty close now, huh?” You ask, tilting your head as you think of how much he had hated Namjoon initially. “Yes and no.” Jungkook shrugs when you hit him with a confused look. “It’s complicated.” 

⎼

Jungkook struts down the street, eyeing every alley he walks past. He’d been getting updates from their runners about a man asking questions for the last month or so. Two weeks ago, Jungkook decided to check it out, only watching from afar. He sees the suspect walking with his hands in his pocket, hat covering his eyes, surveying and talking to people in the area. There’s a chance it’s nothing, sometimes people are just curious. But one too many complaints, and it would reach Kyun, which would escalate quickly. So Jungkook takes it upon himself to sort it out. “Hey!” Jungkook calls out, walking up to two figures talking in the dark of an alley a block away from the boss’ club. One of them he recognises, running off with a nod from Jungkook. Jungkook gives the suspect a once over. A mask covers his face, and the hat pulled down over his eyes, but it’s clear to Jungkook he’s not a customer. “Can I help you?” The guy shrugs, shaking his head. “Was just looking for some supplies.” Jungkook nods slowly. “I can get you that. You selling or just personal use?” “Personal.” He says. He nods in the direction where the previous runner had left. “What was wrong with that guy?” “Oh nothing.” Jungkook says. “Just that I could probably get you a better rate. He gets his supplies from me, so either way, it’s the same thing.” “I see.” Jungkook searches his jacket, hands going in and out of pockets only to come up empty. He looks at the man before him, “Shit, sorry man, seems I don’t have any on me right now. Why don’t you come over to our club, I have some there.” The man clicks his tongue, waving his hand. “It’s fine. I’ll just come back another time.” If someone were really desperate for a hookup, they would've taken the bait. The man’s aversion to his offer made him all the more suspicious to Jungkook. As he attempts to walk past, Jungkook’s hand lands firmly on his shoulder. The man is slightly taller, but he can clearly feel Jungkook’s strength. And though Jungkook hasn’t said a word, he knows he’s been made. He takes a step back, eyeing Jungkook. “It’s risky stuff. You might not want to pull on this thread.” “Get your hand off me, kid.” “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I suggest you stay away if you’re not here for supplies.” Jungkook warns him. His body language remains unchanged, and Jungkook’s positive now that he has an ulterior motive. “I’ll let you off tonight. But maybe next time, you won’t be so lucky.” Jungkook turns, and walks off, pausing only a couple of steps ahead. “But if you really do need some, come and find me.” He turns back only a fraction of the way, nodding his head, before speeding off. Once he’s sure Jungkook’s gone, Namjoon lets out the breath he’s been holding.

⎼

As Jungkook predicted, this guy doesn’t spook easily. Anyone who’s ever heard of their crew would suffice with a single warning. But not Namjoon. Two days later when Jungkook patrols down the same route, things looked ordinary enough. He goes on for a while without finding anything suspicious, and figures maybe that his warning did work after all. Lucky for Jungkook, because now he can get back to work. But as he does, he comes across a commotion along the way to the club. It’s not unusual in these areas. One two many drinks, or a line of coke later, and people lose all sense of sanity. Many times, he’s had to step in before someone gets hurt or calls the police. It’s only when he gets nearer to the source that he recognises the woman yelling as one of their own, fighting off three men who can’t seem to take the hint. Instinctively, he runs towards them but pauses just before he crosses the road. Something’s caught his attention. He sees someone else making a beeline towards the fuss, bulldozing his way into the men, and knocking them down like bowling pins. Even from across the street, Jungkook finds him familiar. The hat and the drabby navy blue jacket, it’s him. He’s strong, but he doesn’t fight from experience. He’s too strategic with his moves, clearly trained. It doesn’t take long before the three men give up, stumbling over as they attempt to run off. Jungkook watches his attention shift to the woman after. From a safe distance, Jungkook trails after them as he walks her to the club, stopping at a distance away and waving her off. She turns to give him a kiss on the cheek before rushing inside. Jungkook scoffs, “What a weasel.”

⎼

“This isn’t the first time a cop is sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.” Jungkook circles Namjoon, eyeing him down in a parking lot of a grocery. “You’re lucky I’m the one standing here.” “Oh yeah?” Namjoon pops open a bottle and chugs some of it down. “Why is that?” “If it was anyone else, you’d already be lying in a pool of your own blood.” Now that Jungkook has seen his face, and right through his cover, infiltrating the gang would be foolish at this point. He never thought his cover would be blown so quickly, before it even started. But his anonymity wasn't the only edge he had. Namjoon had done in depth research about the members, he knows what to expect from each one, and here standing in front of him is one he knows all too well. “I don’t want any trouble.” Namjoon raises his palms. “Can we talk?” “You’re risking your life just for a conversation?” “You look like you’re just a kid,” Namjoon’s comment confuses Jungkook, “do they usually start as young as you do?” “This isn’t an interview.” Jungkook’s walls come up. Something’s off about this guy, and he doesn’t like being around him. “You need to stop, I’m not kidding. These guys, they don’t play, they’re not the usual bad guys you⎼” “So I’ve heard.” “Then you know it’s in your best interest if I never see you around again.” Jungkook leaves it at that, walking away, hoping he’d take the warning seriously. “Hey kid.” Namjoon calls out. “You go to Inha University, right?” Jungkook’s steps slow down, contemplating on turning back, but that would just give him the satisfaction. Knowing that much about him, means he’s an actual threat. At this point, Jungkook knows he’s trouble. But escalating this would mean he’d be dead by tomorrow. Namjoon patiently waits for a response. Jungkook turns back to him, a serious look on his face. “I’m gonna do you a favour and forget what just happened. Leave. I’m serious. If I get word about you snooping around again, I might actually have to kill you.” Namjoon backs off, but not out of defeat. Jungkook couldn’t have given him a better response; he could have killed him right there, but he didn’t. Namjoon even gave him a second chance to do it, and again, he held back. “I guess I can’t give up just yet.” Namjoon mutters to himself. 

⎼

1 week later

The only thing Jungkook hates more than a meddler, is a persistent one. The moment his eyes land on a certain man he remembers telling to stay away, Jungkook knows this guy is going to make life difficult for him. Right after training, as he’s about to mount his bike, Namjoon walks over. The school compound is quiet at this time of evening. With no one around, Jungkook grabs him by the collar as soon as he’s within reach. “What the fuck are you doing here?” “I need to talk to you.” “Do you have a death wish? If anyone catches⎼” “No one else knows how I look like.” Namjoon shrugs, “Unless…”Jungkook averts his gaze at the insinuation. He hadn’t, in fact, told anyone about this guy, or the truth about what happened in that alley. When reporting back, he lied and said the man ran off before he could do anything. The lack of response gives Namjoon a further boost of hope. “As far as anyone can see, you’re just talking to a guy.” Jungkook looks around cautiously. “We can talk in my car?” Namjoon proposes.

“No.” Jungkook’s brows knit together in disgust at the friendliness in his tone. He mounts his bike and slips a helmet on. “Look, Jungkook⎼” “How the fuck do you know my name?” Jungkook pauses before kicking his bike stand up. “Who are you, really? What do you want?” Namjoon sighs. “I know a lot. I know the little blond guy who’s always schmoozing with the VIPs at the clubs is your partner. I know where you go to school, I know your friends. I know you stay at a greek house with⎼” “Enough.” Jungkook’s eyes pierce through Namjoon’s, his mind calculating the chances of this man pulling him into a trap. "Fine.” Jungkook decides, kicking the bike stand and his engine roars to life. “There’s a gym I go to just a little out of the district. Meet me there at midnight in two days.” Namjoon’s smile showcases his dimples, and he steps aside to give Jungkook way. 

⎼

Jungkook exits the gym five minutes after midnight, scanning the area outside to find Namjoon waiting by his car. Heavy steps take him there, scowling at the smile on the man’s face. “Alright, what do you want?” Namjoon chuckles, “Slow down, kid.” “Don’t call me that.” “Fine,” he extends his hand, “I’m⎼” “I don’t really care.” Jungkook cuts him off. “Just tell me what this is about.” Taking a breath, Namjoon goes over his proposal in his head. Knowing Jungkook’s position in Kim’s hierarchy, as one of those at the top at such a young age, he knows it won’t be easy trying to convince him. “You were right about me.” He says, “I’m not looking to buy.” Jungkook shuffles a tiny step back, straightening up, arms folding over his chest. “Thought so. Let me guess, they’re launching another investigation on Kim.” Namjoon nods, but the smile on his face just moments ago no longer there. “You’re a detective aren’t you? You’ve done your research. I’m sure you know people have tried. Time and again Kim has gotten away. What makes you think this time will be different?”

⎼

A movie plays softly in the background while Jungkook retells the story. As he talks, your interest grows, now sat up and facing him with your back to the television and the covers wrapped around your body. He laughs at you. “Look at you,” he taps your nose. “What happened next!” You whine, begging him to go on. Jungkook leans back against the couch and sighs. “I thought about it for a long while. Of course, I was mad about Hoseok but I was actually considering the offer, which was crazy. I thought about what it would mean to not be part of Kim’s gang, to not do things I used to do. But I just couldn’t see myself beyond any of that. It was just who I was. So why would I help him destroy the only place I ever belonged to?” There was sadness etched over his face and the tone of his voice. Stories of his past come back to you and you recall why Kim and everyone in that gang were so important to him. They were his entire life. “What changed?” You ask, fully invested in his story. “You.” Jungkook smiles fondly. “I met you.” “Me?” “I’d already turned Namjoon down by the time we first met,” he explains, looking a little shy, “but after we started seeing each other…I started seriously falling for you, and I thought maybe, maybe I could live a normal life. Like everyone else. I wanted that life. With you.” “Jungkook…” “So I called Namjoon and told him I’d take him up on his offer.” He says. “I’d get him info and in return they’d work out some form of immunity. I missed days of work because I was having meetings with him here, giving him a rundown of how things worked. Suga was livid ‘cause he thought I blew him off to hang out with you.” “You were having your meetings here? Oh⎼ so that’s⎼ oh.” It finally makes sense. The address he’d written down in his notebook wasn’t work-related, it was Namjoon’s address all along. Jungkook tilts his head. “What?” “Nevermind, please continue.” You say and he shakes his head. “No no no, I’m not letting you off. Tell me, what were you saying?” He tugs on the blanket, threatening to expose you to the cool air. “I just⎼ it’s kind of embarrassing.” Jungkook raises his brow, and you know he won’t let this go till you tell him. “You know how you didn’t like talking about work when we first started dating? But I got really curious and everyone kept hinting at it. So I kinda snooped around and looked through a little notebook you had in your room. And I came across an address…this address. I thought it would lead me to where you worked and what you were keeping from me.” His brows crease together, “You looked through my stuff?” “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have.” Your bottom lip juts out and he pretends to be mad, trying his best to hold back a smile because you look too cute. “You are so…nosey.” He laughs when you simply raise your eyebrows. “You’re not mad at me?” “I guess I would’ve been back then. But now, it doesn’t really matter, does it?” “Guess not,” you say, looking down, “all this while…you were just meeting up with Namjoon.”

He nods, “Yeah. Once his team had a solid plan, it was initiated. I didn’t even know what most of it consisted of. He said it needed to be as natural as possible, so it wasn’t until he was assigned to our team that I saw him again. I didn’t even know he’d take up a job at school.” “Is that why you were so against me being friends with him at the start?” You ask. “Sort of.” Jungkook remembers the exact day he’d seen you talking to Namjoon. “I wanted to keep you away from all of this." “I thought it was because you hated him and you were jealous.” “Oh I did hate him.” He says casually. “What? Just because I agreed to work with him doesn’t mean I need to like him. And please, you would never date a fart like him.” You hit him with a look and he shrugs, reaching out to unroll the sheets you’ve made yourself comfortable in. He grabs you by the thigh and pulls you closer. Then drops his head on your lap and closes his eyes. “So yeah, that’s about it basically.” He mumbles. When your fingers rake through his hair, he hums an exhale. Almost melting into the bed if he could, his body visibly relaxes with your touch. “You haven’t been sleeping well, huh?” His cheek rubs against you when he nods, and goosebumps appear on his skin as you trace your nails on his scalp. You focus on the movie while Jungkook remains in your lap, staying that way for a while. You expected him to doze off like he usually does. But his eyes glazed over, staring into the distance. The smile he had earlier is gone. “What’s on your mind?” Your tender voice soothes him out of his daze. “Just thinking…” his voice is hoarse, “that it’s finally over.” He’s still trying to come to terms with what’s happened, and you can’t imagine what the last month or so has been for him, having to watch his entire world crumble. It’s a complicated web of emotions that he’s trying to untangle. On one hand, he’s free, but on the other, what did it take for him to get here? Even while he spoke earlier, you sensed confliction. “How are you feeling?” You ask, treading carefully. “When you were talking about Kim earlier, I saw that look on your face. And now that he’s…” You swear you see his face muscles twitch at the question, and perhaps his eyes get a little glossier than before. But he blinks the urge to cry away, and knits his brows together. “I don’t want to talk about that.” “Okay,” you trace a finger over his features again, forcing them to relax. You wipe away the tiny puddle formed in the corner of his eyes. “I’ll be here when you’re ready. You can tell me anything, remember?” Opening his eyes, he’s greeted by your own, and he sits up to face you. “Right now, I just want to be with you.”

Warmth spreads to your cheeks. Maybe it’s the weeks of separation that’s got you blushing at his words but the way he’s staring does you no favours. Your breath hitches when he gets close, face inches away and breath hot against your face. He’s greeted with a satisfied hum from you when your lips touch. Fingers cup your jaw to hold you steady. Somehow your hands find their way to his body now that he’s leaning, practically hovering, over you. He all but devours your mouth, tongue fighting for dominance and a soft whimper leaves you when his teeth grazes your bottom lip.

Pulling away, your half-lidded eyes reflect your desire. And it all but fuels his own. Skin burning under your touch, you revel in the way his breath gets caught as your hands slide down his abs, fingers dangerously dancing by the hem of his pants. He’s quick to react, pulling you into his lap so that you’re straddling him, arms resting over his shoulders while his hands roam over your thighs. Jungkook’s body relaxes with a sigh, pulling you taut against him, face buried between your clothed chest. Your head rests against his, and he feels your heart thumping against your body. “Y/N,” his words come out as a whisper, “I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you that night.” His grip only tightens when you try to look at him. “I know, baby. I feel the same way.” You kiss the side of his head. “You’re everything to me.” He says, this time looking up at you. “I’d die if I ever lose you.” “I’m not going anywhere.” You say, lips ghosting over his. “I’m all yours.” Your lips find each other again, and the kiss burns with his ache for you. It’s a feeling he’s still getting used to, one he’s only ever experienced with you. He never thought he had the capacity to love someone this much. Your hips move against him ever so gently, yet it gets you a delicious hum of approval. Abandoning your mouth, he plants soft kisses on your neck, focusing his attention on that sweet spot that has you sighing. The growing tent in his pants starts to bother him and he shifts uncomfortably, only to buck into your instead. You palm his hardness and he breaks contact, letting out a groan and throwing his head back. His growing impatience stops the attention you’re giving him and switches up your positions, leaving you on your back against the cool blankets and him kneeling between your legs. The shirt you’re wearing hovers dangerously just below your hips, but with your legs spread, he gets a good view of your sex, mouth salivating. Jungkook peppers kisses along your inner thigh. Your insides throb with anticipation when you feel his hot breath on your cunt, teasing you with the softness of his lips, till you feel his tongue brushing against your clit teasingly. You grip the sheets at the contact, already feeling the adrenaline rush. Jungkook thinks you’re cute, he’s barely done anything and you’re already holding on for your life. He gets back on his knees, much to your disappointment. This time, he lifts your shirt up and you arch your back to help him, leaving it just above your chest. “You’re so fucking pretty.” He mutters, eyes staring down your naked form. Your teeth sink into your lower lip, feeling the heat rush to your face. It occurs to you how long it’s been since the last time you were together, for you to be embarrassed in front of him. Deprived of his touch in months, that even a simple compliment has you blushing. Rough hands roam your body, starting from your thighs, all the way up to your breasts. Soon his lips join them, leaving the softest kisses all over. You sigh as he captures your right nipple in his mouth, thighs closing on him in response. You can feel the upturn of his lips, smirking his way across to your left. The jerk your body does as his tongue grazes the tip of your nipple has his hands sinking into your flesh. His right hand slides down your body, finding its way to your growing wetness. He plays with your folds and teasingly around your entrance. You spread your legs wider, gripping onto his arm as he easily slips in two fingers. You’re embarrassed of the sounds you’re making, but it’s music to his ears. His fingers move at a good pace, but it’s not enough. “More please⎼ “

“More?” He asks against your skin. You nod. He obliges, letting in two more fingers as he studies your face, eyes falling shut, trying to reach your high. Your hands grip roughly around his arm. “F-faster⎼” He has half a mind to stop, just to tease you a little. But you look too good when you’re chasing your high. So pretty and whiny. Mesmerised by the way your mouth drops open, he quickens the pace, feeling the burn on his arm. Your voice gets caught in your throat when he curves his fingers to hit that spot, and Jungkook feels the warmth coating his fingers as you reach your high, continuing to milk every last drop out of you. You take a while to recover, reeling from the first orgasm in months. Part of you embarrassed it took so little to get you there. When you finally get your sanity back, you open your eyes to Jungkook watching you as he sucks your fluid off his fingers. He momentarily gets off the couch and slips his pants off. You reach out to him, wanting to feel him close to you. He climbs over, letting his weight rest on you. “Feel good?” You nod, “But I want you.” Something dark flickers in his eyes as he gazes into yours. His cock twitches between your bodies and you start to throb again. “Where do you want me?” “I want you inside me,” your hands slip around his cock and he lifts his hips up to make room, “I want you to fuck me.” He makes a slow exhale. Your hand rubs over his tip as the words slip out of your mouth. His eyes shut as he grinds into your hand. Then he pushes himself off, and positions himself between your legs. “Fuck,” he mutters, eyes roaming over you, chest heaving at the sight, “all mine.” It makes your heart skip, and cunt throb with anticipation. His cock rubs against your folds, coating him with your wetness, before aligning with your entrance, carefully watching your face as he lets himself in. A gasp leaves you and your back arches slightly. He goes tauntingly slow just to savour the look you have. “Jungkook,” you mutter his name in a whisper as he fits all of him inside you. He can barely control himself right then, hips bucking against you. He goes slow, allowing you to get used to him before increasing the pace. Your gasps turn to soft mewls, and he keeps a steady pace only to keep hearing the sweet sounds you’re making. 

Jungkook looks divine, even with the scars on his body. Your eyes drop to the one on his thigh, the one he’d gotten the night you were kidnapped. Then to his lower abdomen where Hongjun had shot him. He’d taken a bullet for you, not once but twice. He decided to change his life because he wanted to have one with you.

You love him. You love him. You love him. The change in your demeanour doesn’t go unnoticed . Jungkook slows down, studying you carefully. He meets you face to face, pressing his body gently against yours, slowly pumping himself into you. His arms cage you in on both sides of your head and your legs wrap around him. A gasp escapes you as he rolls his hips into you. “Is this okay?” He asks. When you don’t respond, he breaks his rhythm, worried that he may be pushing you too hard. After all, you’re still recovering. The consideration he shows you further intensifies the feeling bubbling inside of you. “I love you.” The whisper of your words surprises him, and with his body against yours, you feel the rise of his heart rate. If possible, it’s as if the burning in his chest is seeping into yours. He kisses you, warm and gentle against your lips. “I love you too.” Jungkook gets back his rhythm, driven by the pool of emotions in his chest. Your words echo in his mind and a tight knot forms inside him, filled to the brim with his feelings for you. With eyes piercing into yours, it’s impossible to look away. He wants to fuck you senseless, but already he’s feeling the heat in his core. It’s the way your body moves in sync with his. Each thrust meets with the gentle rise of your hips, allowing him to fill you up. He pauses for a beat each time, savouring the warmth of your walls around his cock. And with the lustful way you’re looking at him, he could come undone anytime. Only you could have this effect on him. Jungkook maintains control, grunting each time he looks down to where you become one, pleased at how well you take him. Your hand guides him back to you. Jungkook loses his breath when you force him to meet your gaze. You’re so beautiful. For a moment he falters, thrusts becoming sloppy, and you wrap your arms around him to have him close. He swallows up your moans, your tongue losing in a battle of dominance as he devours you. Your nails dig into the flesh of his back, when you feel that familiar knot in your core. Jungkook keeps his pace steady, hitting that sweet spot over and over again, addicted to the way you write under him, arching your back in anticipation. “I’m gonna cum⎼” you whisper, eyes closed. “Yeah? Cum for me baby,” Jungkook says, against your lips, giving you gentle kisses. His voice reverberates against your neck as he speaks. You open your eyes again, and they’re met with his awe-struck gaze. “Want you⎼ cum with me⎼” You feel it coming, the pressure inside you on the brink of explosion. Your hips buck up to meet his as he continues to slam into you, his hot breath against your ear. Getting sloppy himself, moans leave Jungkook’s mouth as he goes. He wipes the hair out of your face, grabbing your attention so your eyes can meet again. Your gazes lock on to each other and neither can tear away. He wants this moment to last forever. Intertwined with you, making love to you. Jungkook feels himself reaching his high, but something else creeps up his chest, and waters his eyes. “I’m⎼c⎼” 

You lose all senses as the pressure in your core snaps, and your legs tremble against him, fingers scraping his back. Jungkook’s thrusts get sloppy, but he carries on, determined to let you ride out your orgasm. Jungkook curses at the lewd expression on your face and the moans you gift him with. Your walls squeeze around his cock and his own resolve breaks as he cums inside you with a heavy load, moaning right in your ear. His weight rests completely on top of you as he buries his face next to yours, and you let him milk every last drop inside of you. You rub his back soothingly, kissing the side of his head. When he can finally bring himself to face you, you’re greeted with his glossy eyes. “I love you so much.”

⎼

It’s the middle of the night when you roll over, throwing your arm to the other side of the couch bed. But you don’t find what you’re reaching for, Jungkook’s side now empty. The digital clock on the console reads 3am. You usually stir from your sleep at this time anyway. His voice comes from the other side of the room, behind the couch where the dining table is. Jungkook’s talking to someone. But at this time? Sleep still masking your attention, you only manage to pick out a couple of words he’s whispering. “No, I don’t know how to tell her…” Tell you what? It sobers you slightly and you feel a pang to your chest, with a familiar anxiety building inside of you. You sit up on the edge of the bed and  the movement gets Jungkook’s attention. He ends the call right then, and you walk over, tripping over your own feet in the dark. Rubbing your eyes, you reach out to him and he pulls you in. You find the space between his legs and sit on his lap, leaning your body against his. “Baby, why are you up?” He asks quietly. “I couldn’t find you.” You say sleepily and he resists the urge to squish your face. “Why are you up?” “I can’t sleep.” He says, slipping his arm under your knees and lifting you back to where you came from. He climbs over you and to the other side, pulling the covers over both of you. You look at his face, illuminated by the lights from the window. The redness in his eyes, bags under them. “You look so tired.” “I am.” He admits, “But I just can’t sleep. It takes a while.” “What do you do when you can’t sleep?” “Think of you,” he says sweetly, running his thumb over your cheek, “all of you.” “Shut up.” You giggle, getting comfy under the covers. “Something bothering you?” “I just keep getting nightmares from that night.” You let him snuggle comfortably with his head against the crook of your neck, deep breaths taking in your scent. “Tell me.” “The moment I doze off, I’m just back to that night…the chaos…the panic,” he sucks in a breath, “it all comes back to me.” “Did something happen that night? Something you want to talk about?” You can’t understand what’s going on in his mind. A part of him must be relieved to know that the entire operation was a success despite the lives lost. But something tells you there’s something else that’s bothering him. Jungkook shakes his head. “No. Nevermind.” “Jungkook,” you sigh, “maybe talking about it will help.” He presses himself deeper into you if that’s even possible. It’s obvious now that there’s more he needs to unpack before he’ll feel okay. “Whatever it is, we’ll go through it together.” You say. The arm around your body gets heavier and his breaths get even. You continue to rub a soothing hand down his back. “I’ll always be here for you.”

⎼

Namjoon sits at the table with Jungkook, in discussion over something important. So important that you aren’t allowed to be part of it. In the last two days you’ve been here, Jungkook would go over to Namjoon’s apartment to have these talks, but today, he’s decided to have it here instead. You occasionally sneak peeks from Jungkook’s room, looking through a gap in the door. Jungkook picks up the movement from his peripheral and sends you a wink. You smile, then close the door again. One last look in the mirror, and you’re slinging your bag over your shoulder, carefully opening the door so as to not interrupt them, but also making your presence known. The talking stops once you’re within hearing range. “I’ll be back.” You go up to Jungkook and give him a kiss. “Bye Namjoon.” “The car’s waiting for you downstairs.” He says, nodding, then points his pen at you. “And remember, not a word.” “Got it.” You pretend you zip your lips. Having to keep this on the low unfortunately means you’ve got to keep lying to everyone. When you arrive at the apartment, Hana rushes out of her room with a huge smile on her face. “Hey.” She says apprehensively. You almost forget you’d left things a little weird that day. “Hi.” You hug her first, and she sighs in relief, hugging you back. “Everything okay?” “I should be asking you that.” “I’m good.” You nod, and she relaxes, relieved to see you in good spirits. “I needed the space. I feel better now.” “Okay,” she holds your hand, “sorry about the other day. I was insensitive.” “No no, it’s alright. I mean,” you scoff, “I wasn’t in the right state of mind anyway.” “I know but⎼” “Don’t worry about it.” You assure her firmly, wanting to move on from the subject. The flowers Jungkook got you were starting to wilt, looking lonely and sad on your table, so you gave it a water change. After which you start packing a load of clothes, enough to last you a week, into a duffel bag. Wafting through the apartment, the smell of good homemade cooking distracts you, and you leave the packing aside to hop outside. “What’s this?” You ask, smirking as you walk to the kitchen where Hana has made herself busy. “I’m making your favourites; chicken soup and butter prawns!” Her voice goes up an octave, proudly showing off her cooking. She’d always been the better cook anyway, so you don’t doubt its taste. In fact, you’re salivating just thinking about the gorgeous prawns she made last time, and the chicken soup she’s working on now bubbling on the stove, with the rice cooker steaming on the counter behind her. Her face drops when you don’t react the way she expected you to. You don’t even realise you’d been standing there with a blank look. “What’s wrong?” You force a smile. “It sounds amazing Hana. You know I love your cooking.” “But?” But you weren’t exactly planning on staying till dinner. You were so focused on getting back to Jungkook that you’d completely forgotten to tell her that. “I just thought…I’d go back⎼” “Go back?” “To Namjoon’s apartment?” You say carefully. “It’s just that he has an empty place and I think being on my own is actually good for me right now so…” “Oh.” You can almost hear the sound of her heart breaking. The more you speak, the worse her expression gets and you hate yourself for it. Jungkook can wait. You’ll see him again tonight anyways. “But you know what, I can stay for dinner. Not like I have anything else to do.” You chuckle.

Hana perks up just a little. “I didn’t realise you were going back. And so soon.” “Well yeah I just⎼ it’s a nice place and⎼ it’s just good for me⎼ like maybe right now I need⎼” Curses float through your mind as you struggle to find the right excuse without hurting her. But now she’s looking at you confused by your stammering. She knows you too well to know you’re hiding something. “Fuck it.” You groan, running your hand over your face. “Jungkook’s alive. He’s at Namjoon’s place. I’ve been with him for the last few days.” It was certainly not what Hana was expecting, mouth parting in surprise, struggling to process what you just said. 

⎼

“Are you sure?” Namjoon’s eyes pierce Jungkook’s. “You have no idea where Suga is?” “I’m telling you the truth. That night was the last time I saw him. I don’t know where he is now.” It hurts Jungkook to think about it. That the last night he’d seen Suga was the same night he’d betrayed Kim in that alley. Namjoon observes Jungkook for a minute. In his experience, there’s always a chance of a cover up. They’d been going through the names of those arrested, Jungkook helping Namjoon pair their real names with their aliases and identifying those who managed to escape and their threat level. Suga being one of them. “Fine. I believe you.” So he says. “But if we do find him, he is going to prison.” “I know that.” “And if we find out that you’ve been in contact with him, then your immunity is revoked.” Jungkook nods curtly. Turning back to his notes, Namjoon goes over a couple more things before their meeting is done. He piles the papers into a stack and slots them into a confidential file. He glances at the younger man, now zoned out, staring at the centrepiece of the table. “It’s almost confirmed. You have to tell her soon.” “I know, I just can’t find it in me.” Jungkook leans back. “I’ve been agonising over the last two days. How can I burst her bubble like that? She’s gone through so much, and finally we get to be together again. How do I…” Jungkook trails off, as if speaking about it would make reality come quicker. “How do I break it to her that I’m gonna be sent away?” 

⎼

You proudly show off your old phone to Hana. “See? I got it back.” “That’s great.” She smiles, still trying to process the sudden flood of information. You’ve spent the last half an hour breaking your promise to Namjoon. But that doesn’t matter, you’ll deal with him when the time comes. Or maybe he just doesn’t have to know. “But I’m still…are you sure that person is really Jungkook? Not an imposter? Is this all a dream? Am I part of your dream?” Hana yelps when you pinch the flesh of her arm. “Does that hurt?” “Yes?!” “So this isn’t a dream.” Hana looks at you unbelievably. “Okay, you’re back to normal. So this is all real.” “It took me a while too.” You say, sporting a silly smile that she hasn’t seen in a while. “But it’s real. He’s alive. And safe. He’s just been laying low at Namjoon’s place the whole time.” “And all along he’s been…” “Namjoon’s informant.” “That’s crazy.” Hana laughs. “That’s the craziest thing yet. I mean, besides you getting held hostage of course.” “I know.” You stop chewing and cross your arms on the table. “Now, I’m not supposed to tell you any of this so please.” “I won’t tell anyone.” She nods. “Not even Hoseok.” “I promise.” Hana holds out her pinky and you hook yours around it. She looks more relieved to have you back than anything else. “I’m glad he’s safe. I know you’ve been worried sick the last couple of weeks. I love that I can finally see you smile like this again.” A pang of guilt hits you hard. Hana had been with you throughout your recovery and it hasn’t been easy for her, but she tried her best. That was never in doubt. On the other hand, you were less than pleasant to deal with. Even if you weren’t yourself, she didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of your outbursts. “Hana, I’ve been awful to you. I’m so sorry.” You reach over to grab her hand. “I couldn’t control myself. I felt like everyone was too careful around me…but at the same time I hated it when you guys were honest with me.” “I get it,” she exhales. “You were just trying to stay optimistic but we kept shutting you down. I think anyone would’ve been annoyed.”  “Still, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that.” “I felt so bad after.” Hana admits. “I thought you didn’t want to come back because you were still mad at me.” “I was kinda upset but,” you shake your head, “I would never just leave you, Hana. You’re my best friend.” She smiles. “You were right in the end though. About Jungkook.” “I told you so.” Laughter fills the room, washing away any tension that has plagued the house in the last month.

⎼

The cool night air bites at your skin. Jungkook swims laps in the pool, while you sit on the edge, splashing your feet in the water. Past midnight, no one else comes up here, leaving you with the perfect space to get some fresh air. Jungkook appears between your legs, brushing his hair back and wiping the water off his face. He shows off his charming smile when you raise your brows. “You just brought me here to seduce me.” “It’s working though, right?” He chuckles. Jungkook carries you into the warm water, and you let your legs hook around him. With his arm firmly around your waist, you lean back, gazing up at the night sky. “I can’t believe rich people have rooftop pools. This is amazing.” “Wait till you see the sauna.” You gasp dramatically and his nose scrunches up. He floats about with you in his arms and your head rested on his shoulder. A sigh of content leaves your lips. “I’m so happy.” His arms seem to tighten around you just then, and after a while he moves towards the steps where the both of you rest with half your bodies in the water. Expression unreadable, he watches you fix your hair and scoots closer when you smile at him. His hand comes up to your thigh and it seems as though he’s building to say something. “What?” You ask, tilting your head to look at him when he looks away. Jungkook shakes his head. “I um…” Seconds go by as he contemplates, then finally faces you again. “Let’s get out of here.” “Oh okay,” you shrug, “we can watch that new netflix release⎼” “No,” Jungkook’s eyes go wide just like it used to when he’s up to something, “not back to the apartment. Out of here, like, out of here.” “You wanna leave? Are you allowed to do that?” “We can go watch a movie at the theatre.” “You’re definitely not allowed to do that.” “Come on!” Jungkook gets out first, water gushing down as he does, and extends his hand out to you. Staring up at him, the consequences line up in your head. There are limitations he has to abide by, and he’d already been caught once. His eyes shine with a glimmer of hope, wiggling his fingers in encouragement. His smile only gets bigger when you grab his hand and trail along after him. A man appeared at the front door upon Jungkook’s call; his handler, apparently. This is the first time you’re meeting the man who’s been assigned to make sure Jungkook’s well taken care of. And that includes ensuring he doesn’t leave the premises unless…

“That’s not an emergency.” He says. From the looks of it, he’s young. Possibly younger or even the same age as you are. He dresses casually, coming up from the floor just below. “No.” You hear him say immediately after Jungkook opens his mouth. Jungkook pulls him inside. “Please. Just this once.” He maintains his resolve but his hands ball up into fists by his side. Standing just a little shorter than Jungkook, it’s comical to see him frowning up at him as if Jungkook’s the one in charge. “Just this once? Are you forgetting what you did last time?” You assume he’s referring to the time Jungkook broke the agreement just to see you. “And I could’ve just left without a word again this time, but here I am, informing you, like a nice person.” “Please.” The young man scoffs and folds his arms. “It’s because my boss changed the security settings, and your biometrics don’t work anymore. That’s why you need me.” “Well yeah, basically.” “Eugh,” he balls his fist up again, “you are so annoying. Why can’t you just stay here like you were ordered to and not get me into any more trouble?” You go over to Jungkook’s side, hugging his arm. “He’s right. Let’s just stay in.” The boy’s eyes slide over to you for a second. But Jungkook doesn’t agree, speaking softly over his shoulder. “No, we’ve been here for ages.” “But I don’t want him to get in trouble. Or you.” Jungkook loses tension as you speak. You’re always so considerate. “But⎼” “Sorry to disturb you so late. We’ll stay in.” You cut him off and the look on his handler’s face softens, though still guarded. Jungkook pulls you aside, speaking in a whisper. “I thought you wanted to get out of here? And watch a movie?” “Not if we have to force our way out.” You reason. “We’ll be able to do all of that after you’re done here. We don’t have to rush things, we have so much time.” The corners of Jungkook’s lips twitch, holding back frustration. “It’s fine.” You say, getting him to look at you again. Behind him, the man clears his throat to get your attention. “I uh⎼ there is one way I can let you go.” He shares a sympathetic smile when you make eye contact, though he stares down Jungkook’s back right after. “I can go with you. I’ll have to drive you to where you wanna go. And I’ll stay with you throughout. When you’re done, I’ll drive us back. That way I have eyes on you at all times.” You look at Jungkook, raising your brows. He’s clear considering the idea, though he doesn’t want to show how moved he is that this young man is actually trying to help him out. 

⎼

“Here.” Jungkook holds the ice-cream an inch away from your face. Each time you lean forward, he pulls it back, till you move too quickly and eventually have ice-cream on your nose. He giggles, wiping the dessert off your face when you glare at him. In his peripheral he catches sight of an unwanted presence nearby, and his attention separates from you momentarily. “Stop.” You shove him lightly. “Look at him, lurking.” “It’s his job.” You remind him and he rolls his eyes. “You should be grateful. He could’ve just ignored us and went back to bed but he wanted to⎼” “Okay.” Jungkook’s lower lip juts out. He continues eating his ice cream while sulking. Jaemin ⎼ you found out his name ⎼ had helped you out of the building and drove you to a nearby drive-through for ice-cream. Though you felt weird about it, Jungkook asked if there was a secluded place he could drive to. And now you’re at a peaceful picnic spot atop a hill, overlooking the entire city with no one else in sight. “You have to admit, it’s a great view.” Jungkook rolls his eyes once more and you tug on his ear. “Ow⎼ yes okay⎼ yes!” He rubs his ear when you let go, “Stop being a baby.” Jungkook glances at Jaemin, then leans in. “I have an idea. If we start having sex right now, I bet he’ll⎼” His laughter fills the night when you shove him once again, keeping himself steady with his other hand. You rest against him, hooking your arm under his and closing the gap between you. Your eyes settle on a tall building in the distance, a string of bright lights shining along the edges. It overshadows Namjoon’s apartment out of sight just behind it. “That’s a pretty one.” “That one’s prettier.” He points to a lavish mansion sitting elegantly atop one of the adjacent hills. “Okay fancy pants. A month at Namjoon’s apartment and you’re already acting like a spoiled rich kid.” Jungkook clicks his tongue. “I’m just saying, I’ve been saving up all these years. Better be nice to me or you’re not invited.” You scoff. “Oh you’re too good for me now huh?” You pinch his side and he flinches, dropping whatever’s left of his cone, watching as it rolls down into the darkness. He glares at you and you press your finger to your lips to hide a smile before breaking out into laughter, Jungkook joining you. “Sorry.” You say between giggles. 

He dusts his hands off before putting his arm around you. “You’re definitely not invited.” Your cheeks burn from smiling too wide, a feeling you’ve missed. Comfortably resting on him, your hands find warmth under his jacket. “Can’t wait for you to be free. Where are you gonna stay?” Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat. “I don’t know yet.” “You haven’t thought about it?” You ask mindlessly, playing with his fingers. “What’s the point of having a girlfriend if I can’t crash at her place?” It makes you giggle and he kisses the top of your head. “You’re welcome anytime. But on a serious note, it might not be cool if you stay with us long term.” “Kicking me out already…” You punch him in the chest and he jokingly whines about how violent you’re getting. An idea brews in your mind and you chew on your bottom lip. “Maybe…we could get a place together?” Maybe you were just imagining it, but you felt him stiffen up. Looking up, you see him staring at the view with a complex look, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “Mm.” The indifference in his reply stings. It was a suggestion you thought he’d be on board with when you’ve basically been living together the last few days. “You can say no if you don’t want to.” “It’s not that,” he sighs, “there’s a lot of things that…” “What?” The next few seconds of silence stretches out into what feels like forever. Leaving you with the same nervousness bubbling inside the pit of your stomach you used to feel; he’s keeping something from you. Jungkook’s internal frenzy is cut short ⎼ and saved ⎼ by Jaemin, who calls out to the both of you. “Let’s head back. We’ve been out long enough.” Your bodies slip away from each other and Jungkook nods at him before turning to you, looking up at him with a vague expression on your face. He smiles to ease the tension and leans forward, lips pacifying your worries for a moment. “Let’s talk about this next time, okay?” He whispers. You push the negative thoughts far back, not wanting to ruin the night.

⎼

Over the next two days, Jungkook had been adamant about getting his way with Jaemin. Even when you insist on staying home, he shakes his head, bothering the poor handler every few hours about the next time he can leave the apartment. You sit by the kitchen island, staring at the glorious view of his back while he cooks a nice meal for the two of you. The only thing that had stopped him from bothering Jaemin was putting your foot down and threatening to leave. Reluctantly, he finally left the boy alone. Jungkook places a steak on your plate, lips slightly jutted as he continues sulking. “Thank you baby.” He sighs, placing the pan back on the stove and getting his own plate. “We could’ve had steak at a proper restaurant.” He mutters, taking the seat across. “But I like your cooking better.” The corners of his lips twitch a little. His cooking has always been good, so you don’t expect anything less. You hum at every bite, placing your hand to your chest with gratitude, and he watches you fondly, smiling wider at every little expression you make. That night, he tucks some stray hair behind your ear while you’re asleep. The covers are pulled all the way up to keep you from the cold. His fingers graze over the skin of your cheek and you stir, smacking your lips together, then breaking into a light snore. The front door plays a jingle as it unlocks. He turns his head in the direction of the hallway which reflects a soft glow from outside. He’s careful not to wake you as he slides off the bed and shuts the door safely and silently. In the dark, he trots over to the long dining table where Namjoon sets his coat over one of the chairs, undoing his tie. “What’s up? Why do you look like that?” He asks when he turns to a dishevelled Jungkook. “I haven’t told her.” Jungkook stands in front of the window, right next to Namjoon, who’s looking at him from the side. “You’re gonna have to soon. I just submitted the paperwork.” “It’s not that easy.” Jungkook says softly. “You want me to do it?” Jungkook had considered it. Maybe hearing it from Namjoon would make it seem more necessary, and that would hurt less. But that would be cowardly of him. “No. I think that might be worse.” “Just lay out the facts.” Namjoon says. “And tell her now before it’s too late. At least she’ll get time to process everything.” “I know. I’ll tell her tomorrow.” “Alright.” Namjoon slaps him on the shoulder. “Let’s go over the details.”

⎼

“What⎼ how?!” “I’m sorry!” Jungkook whines, and you snatch the knitting from his hands. The tangled yarn sticks to the needle, with the remaining yarn unravelled all over the floor. “I’ve never done this before!” “But how did it get to this?” Jungkook drops himself on the couch, “You said this would be relaxing.” “Yeah if you do it right.” You mutter as you try to free the needle. “This is literally impossible. You weren’t listening to my instructions were you?” “No, every time you talk all I hear is the melodious sound of your voice luring me into your world.” Your palm lands harshly on his thigh and a high-pitched yelp escapes him. The amusement on your end fades away when instead of retaliating, Jungkook folds over, clutching his thigh while letting out a guttural groan. Panic sets in when you realise where your palm had landed ⎼ right on his wound. Your hands slap over your mouth with a gasp, dropping the tangled web of yarn to the floor. “I’m so sorry!” You continue to watch with horror as he buries his head into his leg. The amount of guilt you feel is indescribable, you couldn’t imagine how much it hurt. But the guilt slowly dissipates when seconds later, he breaks character, raising his head and ending the dramatics with his bunny teeth making an appearance. “Just kidding.” For a moment he regrets his decision, the dead stare you’re giving him making his stomach drop. “You. Asshole.” Picking up a cushion, he shields himself from your attacks, and you hear his laughter coming from the other side of the cushion. You manage to pry it away and his eyes widen though his grin remains, and he blocks your next attempt, grabbing your wrists in time. Leaning in, your face hangs just inches away from his bunny smile. “You’re surprisingly strong.” He comments. “I’m angry.” “Cute and angry.” You growl for effect and he chuckles. Though he’s holding on tight, you’re no match for him. He easily lowers your wrists and pulls you in closer, but you resist. “Listen,” he laughs, “I have something to tell you.” At first you think he could just be messing with you to get you to stop, but playfulness switches into a genuine smile as he speaks. Your body relaxes out of interest and you fall back to the couch, letting your legs drape over his. He laughs at the speed of your transition, now looking at him with curious eyes. “I spoke to Namjoon,” he starts and you nod, “he says we can tell the others now. So if you want to, we’ll have them over for dinner or something.” “Oh my god, yes!” You burst to your knees, arms folding around his neck. “Let’s do it! When?” “Whenever you like.”

“Okay, we need to prepare though. Should we surprise them?” You muse over the thought. “Your choice.” Jungkook shrugs, picking up the knitting materials off the floor and throwing them into its original box. “Oh come on,” you grab his hands, palm to his cheek, “they’re your friends too. They’ve been worried about you. And I know you’ve missed them.” Jungkook smiles, “Yeah, I guess I have.” “They’ll be ecstatic!” You clap your hands. “So how do you wanna do it?” “Honestly…I think I’d just like a nice dinner with everyone.” His eyes glaze over. “I feel like we’ve never done that before. We’re always doing our own things. Either that or, we’re fighting. Dinner would be good.” “Aw.” You press your lips to his cheek. “That’s so sweet Jungkook.” “Also, I can’t wait to kick Hoseok off his high horse.” “And there it is.” You roll your eyes and shove him. “Well what about you?” He scoffs, “Didn’t you say no one believed you a week ago, and that you can’t wait to rub it in their faces.” You smile sheepishly. “Fine, so we’ll both rub it in everyone’s faces.” “Sounds good.” Jungkook leans in till his lips find yours. “Let’s go do some grocery shopping.” You tilt your head. “Did you run this by Jaemin?” “Ugh, I hate that you know his name.” Jungkook winces. “No. But I talked Namjoon into giving me some freedom befor⎼” “Before?” You watch him freeze for a moment, then shake it off. “Before I go crazy here.” You nod slowly, a little suspicious over his fumbling of words. But he carries on normally, shoving the box of knitting materials aside so he can go get ready, motioning for you to do the same. 

⎼

Covered in black from head to toe with a hat pulled all the way down, covering his eyes, Jungkook drapes his arm around you as you walk around a lesser known part of the city. Every time you glance at him, or see his reflection on the window of the shops you pass by, you snicker. Only the bottom half of his face is visible, almost like you’re walking with a celebrity. A large supermarket comes into view and you go over the list of things to buy in your head. But as you walk by, his arm stops you from turning into it. Instead, the two of you walk on by. “Wasn’t that the…” “Yeah we can order online and put it on Namjoon’s tab like I always do.” He waves it off. “So then why did you⎼” “So we can go on a proper date. Ours got cut short last time.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Shall we go to a museum? Bookstore?” “I thought you hated museums.” “You love them though?” He asks lifting his chin so he can see you better.  He slows down when he notices you do the same, face twisted with concern. “What if you get in trouble? We’re not supposed to be out and about.” Jungkook sighs. The arm around your shoulders drops down your back and you feel his fingers snaking between yours. “Didn’t I say I got Namjoon to ease up on the restrictions?” If you were being honest, a teeny tiny part of you doesn’t believe him. He tilts his head to meet your gaze and you see the wrinkles forming around his eyes as he smiles. “You can call him and check if you want to.” Then again, Namjoon had given him an access card which allowed him out of the building, one which he passed on to you to keep. Jungkook is sneaky but there’s no way he would’ve gotten a card without Namjoon knowing. “You can stand there all day thinking about it,” Jungkook shrugs, leaving you behind. He turns as he walks and you can only see his smile as he goes, “meanwhile, I’m gonna check out the new historial arts exhibition⎼” He breaks into laughter when you charge at him head on, pressing your head against his side and squeezing his arm against your body, sparkling eyes begging him to take you there. 

 ⎼

“You always choose the worst ones.” Your brows crease together just as you bring the spoon to your mouth. “You’re literally eating cotton candy flavoured ice cream.” Jungkook rolled his eyes and complained when you dragged him to yet another ice-cream place on the way back, but easily gave in when you mentioned getting ice-cream on dates is our thing. He never realised it but it’s true. And he finds it absolutely adorable. A couple of bars stay open down the street and the clinking of glasses, live music, and mindless chatter echo into the night. The faint sounds of their liveliness continue in the distance as you and Jungkook chose a calmer spot further down. “Yours is called Love Potion.” He makes a point. “What the hell is that?” “This is what keeps you wrapped around my finger.” “Oh-ho, is that right?” You both laugh and he moves in to press his lips against yours, tasting the sweet white chocolate mixed with the tart raspberry flavour lining your lips. He hovers close by after. “Mm you’re right, that is good.”  The mischievous glimmer in his eyes heats up your face. You never get tired of this feeling ⎼ of wanting to be with him, even when he’s this close to you. You wonder if this is what having a soulmate feels like. Is he your soulmate? It’s the first time anyone has ever made you question that. And it’s amusing to you how the thought pops up on a random Thursday night, sitting on a random bench by the road. Jungkook’s elbow nudges you gently, “What’s wrong?” Shaking your head, you break into a sheepish smile and feign interest in your ice-cream, swirling the melted parts around in the cup. Jungkook hasn’t seen that smile since the early days of your relationship. “Nothing.” He brings a napkin to your mouth, wiping off residual ice cream. And again, you feel that warmth, wishing he would stop staring already. But at the same time, wanting him to always look at you this way. It’s an hour after the time Jungkook had promised Jaemin to be back. Hand in hand, you walk back to the apartment building, and your smile lights up the night as you go on and on about something he’s only half paying attention to. The longer he looks at you, the heavier his heart gets. The guilt eating away his insides feels like it's about to let everything spew out of him. You’ve been the happiest he’s seen you in forever, and he knows what he’s about to tell you will erase it all away. Your hair dances in the wind and Jungkook watches your back while you look out at the view from a rooftop garden of a nearby subway station, taking yet another detour, and causing an influx of texts from Jaemin who’s tracking his location. Jungkook ignores them. “You really like it up here, huh?” He asks, and you turn with a smile. “It’s nice.” You say, turning back, admiring the pretty infrastructure. “Crazy to think living like this is normal for some people.” “Yeah.” His voice, suddenly appearing much closer, followed by his presence right by your side. Jungkook tries to focus on the lights, how the traffic almost looks like it moves in a rhythm. But his attention drifts back to you. Your chin rests on the back of your palm as you lean against the railing, eyes sparkling as you take it all in. “I’m gonna miss this when we finally get out of this city.” You chuckle, expecting him to join in and make a joke about living here forever under Namjoon’s tab. But it’s quiet on his end. His eyes seem to convey an emotion you don’t think you want to pull the thread on. “You look like you have a lot on your mind.” Jungkook smiles briefly, his light dimming almost as quickly as it appeared. “We have to talk.”

A loaded darkness wraps around his words, and it causes your heart to flip in your chest. It’s an odd feeling you thought you’d forgotten, but with it follows memories of the last year. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” You watch him swallow the lump in his throat. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I couldn’t find the right time.” “Does this have anything to do with your meetings with Namjoon?” Jungkook nods. “It’s about the case.” “Still? I thought it’s all over.” His fingers dance around yours, as if afraid to make contact. “It is. But…” Your eyes float between his, trying to decipher what’s going on. Inside, you’re bracing yourself for bad news; were they wrong about Kim? Hongjun? Were they alive after all? Has someone escaped from custody? Would someone try to kill you again? Mirroring his nervousness, you wrap your hand around his fingers, “Tell me.” “I’m leaving.” He spits those two words out like it pains him, shutting his eyes right after as he reads the confusion on your face. Your mouth parts as you try to filter out the million questions racing through your mind. “You’re leaving?” You shake your head and a nervous chuckle leaves your chest. “What does that mean? Like…you’re leaving me? Or? You’re leaving the city?” Eyes fluttering open, the distress is evident in his eyes now more than ever. He clears his throat. “I’m leaving the country. Till the case is settled.” “What? The case is settled.” You feel the rush of the blood through your veins. “Right? It’s settled. People were arrested, Kim is dead, Hongjun is dead, they’re all gone so, so, so why⎼” He squeezes your hand and you take a breath. “Not everyone was caught, that would be impossible with how big the organisation was. But yes, our biggest threats are gone for good. But it doesn’t mean I’m totally safe. They’re relocating me till the trial, which could take months at minimum, even years⎼” “Years?” Your voice cracks. “What are you saying? You’re gonna be away…for years?” Jungkook’s face twists in pain. Perhaps he had gone about this the wrong way, he should’ve brought it up gradually, gently. It would’ve been too much for anyone to handle. “You’re not serious.” You say, stilling the air around you. “Wait, is this why you’ve been meeting up with Namjoon so much?” Many different emotions course through your body, your mind finding it difficult to pinpoint what exactly you’re feeling. But it’s right there in the pit of your stomach, bubbling its way up to your chest. First it’s distraught, heart breaking into pieces at the thought of him having to leave, but then it morphs into something else entirely. Why had he kept this from you for so long? There were so many chances he had to break it to you. Your breathing gets erratic with anger. “When did you find out?”

“A couple of weeks ago…” His voice is soft, but you can’t tell if it’s because he’s lost his confidence or if it’s your hearing being overshadowed by the thumping of your heart. “And you kept this from me all this while?” You step back, slipping your hand away. “I didn’t know how to break it to you. I didn’t want to hurt you after everything that’s happened.” “And how do you think I feel now?” The words feel like a gigantic slap against his cheek, and Jungkook stands there out of words, feet frozen to his spot. As if watching his entire world crashing down in front of him, he stands there while you inch away, anguish swallowing you whole. “Wait,” he voice comes out hoarse, “please.” “No, I…” You flinch to stop the tears from dropping, and the sight kills him. You hold on to the railing as your world starts to spin. Looking at Jungkook only made it worse. “I need to go.” Despite your vision blurring from the tears, you don’t stop, even when you hear him call out to you. Only with your back turned to him do they wet your cheeks, and you wipe them away hastily, trying to get as far away as possible. The shrubs surrounding the dimly lit pathway feel like they’re closing in on you and you pick up speed, eventually running out of there towards the exit. 

 ⎼

The resentment on your face was something he hadn’t expected. He knew you’d be devastated ⎼ he was prepared for that ⎼ but he hadn’t anticipated that you’d be mad at him. Enough to leave him there to bask in his own guilt. It takes a minute to process before he comes to his senses. The fog clouding his mind clears up, his hearing comes back and his feet finally move. What the fuck am I doing? He blasts himself, questioning why he didn’t start running the moment you turned your back to him. You’re no longer in sight, disappearing in the direction of the exit towards the subway. He runs as fast as he can, bursting through the doors and down the steps. “Y/N!” Only the empty stairwell hears his desperation. Please. Three floors down, he finds the exit to the subway, opening up to a long corridor, an exit to the road on the right and subway on the left. A handful of people walking by stare at him as he runs out the door. He pulls his hat down and sprints towards the station platform. A high-pitched sound comes from the platform as the train pulls in and comes to a stop. Jungkook jumps over the gantry, and scans the area, looking past several others there to catch the last train. He walks down the length of the train, occasionally bumping into alighting passengers. The lights on the doors light up, signalling it’s ready to shut, and Jungkook runs down the platform, zooming past the cabins while his eyes continue to survey inside. The closer he gets to the end, the harder despair sinks into his chest. Slowing down, a jingle plays as the doors finally shut and seconds later the train picks up speed, metal rattling against the tracks as it leaves the station. Jungkook pants, resting his arms on his head as he takes one last look around. No one. He leaves the empty station and stands by the roadside, taking a deep breath to calm his still racing heart. The silence of the night bothers him, a reminder of the fact that you’re gone. He let you go, heartbroken and hurt. And he’s alone again. 

⎼

Sunlight peeks through the curtains, piercing your dull room with its bright orange glow. Outside, the hum of cars driving past and the chatter of kids walking to school can be heard. You barely slept a wink, and the pillow beneath you lies damp with fallen tears. Pushing yourself up, you trot outside to make yourself a cup of tea. The ruckus brings Hana out of her room, face easing into a smile when she sees you. “Oh hey,” she says, “what are you doing here?” Messy hair, crumpled clothing, and the moment your red, tired eyes meet hers, it was evident something’s wrong. Her face falls, and she’s over by your side within seconds. As her hand touches your arm, you break down, finding comfort in her arms. She runs her hand over your head as your tears wet the fabric on her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” “Jungkook…” you mutter between sobs. 

⎼

“What the hell.” Namjoon barges through the door and sees a deflated Jungkook with his head down on the dining table, Jaemin sitting next to him. “What happened?” “Everything’s fine, sir.” Jaemin stands, holding his palm out. “I got a ping alerting me that you almost left the city.” Namjoon directs his frustration to Jungkook who still hasn’t graced him with so much as a look. “We had a deal, Jungkook. You said you wanted some freedom while you still have time here. And I agreed on the condition that you wouldn’t cause a ruckus or try to take off without telling anyone.” No response. Jaemin glances at Jungkook, then turns back to Namjoon. “I’ve checked cctv footage from last night, he wasn’t exposed, nothing putting him at risk of identification.” “We need to get hold of the footage.” Namjoon presses his lips together and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Already put in a request for that.” Jaemin says. “I’ll get to it now.” He grabs his coat and walks up to Namjoon, pausing to whisper, “He’s had a rough night. Go easy on him⎼” “Thank you, agent. You may go.” Once they’re alone, Namjoon pulls up a chair and looks at the miserable boy before him. Dead eyes, red nose, slightly swollen face. “You look terrible.” Jungkook blinks, finally showing signs of life. He lifts his heavy head and rubs his eyes. “I fucked up.” “I take it she didn’t take the news well?” Namjoon asks, knowing the only reason he would end up in this state is if it was anything related to you. “She was…angry.” He says, bewildered. Namjoon tilts his head from side to side, “I would be too if I were her.” “Then she took off, and I stood there like a coward.” He shakes his head. “She couldn’t even look at me…I’m so pathetic.” “Well.” “If you say I told you so I swear to god I’m gonna punch you in the face.” Namjoon presses his lips into a line. Then his features soften, “Give her time. Think about how shocked she must’ve been.” “But I don’t have time.” Jungkook folds his arms and looks off to the side, voice cracking. “In a week, I’ll be gone. This is all I have left with her.” “Do you want me to speak to her?” Jungkook wipes his eyes before turning back to Namjoon. “Do you think that’ll help?” He shrugs. “I could say it was my idea to keep it from her. Protocol or whatever.” “I don’t care what you say, just please bring her back here.” Jungkook says, head dropping to the table once again. Namjoon sighs, “Why didn’t you go after her?” “I did! But she was gone by then.” Jungkook says. “She must’ve got on the train and went back to her place.” “Is that why I got the location warning?” Namjoon checks the notification on his phone, confirming he was at the station. “I’m surprised you didn’t just hop on the train yourself.” “Yeah well, we had an agreement. And I knew I’d be out of chances if I had gotten on. Didn’t even have a ticket or anything, I jumped over the gantry.” “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” Namjoon looks up at him. “But thanks for honouring our agreement. Once Jaemin gets the footage, I’ll deal with it. And I’ll speak to y/n.” “Thanks.” Jungkook cracks a smile, though he doesn’t look any better than before. “Now go wash up or something.” He shoves Jungkook’s head lightly. “You’re so pathetic you got Jaemin feeling bad for you…”

⎼

After a cold shower, you sink into your bed, trying to find some comfort in the cool sheets. But turning on your side, your eyes make contact with the framed photo of the two of you on your bedside table. You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut. Hana pads into the room, stopping by your bed and offering you a cup of hot cocoa. Eventually you sit up, accepting the drink and taking small sips. “What’s gonna happen now?” She asks, tilting her head. She’d spent an hour sitting with you on the couch, allowing you to let it all out. The news had come to a shock to her as well, and she’d spent the first ten minutes silently holding you while you sob. “He’s gonna leave.” You shrug, stating it like you’re trying to convince yourself more than her. “There’s nothing I can do.” Hana nods, oddly silent. She sits on your bed in thought, pursing her lips with her arms folded, “So…what are you doing?” “Nothing?” You repeat yourself. “I mean, what are you doing here?” She asks, chuckling like it’s amusing. You’ve yet to realise what’s so funny. “You’re telling me that your boyfriend ⎼ the one you spent the last month grieving so hard for because you didn’t want to believe he was gone  ⎼ has to leave the country soon, and you’re here and not spending whatever time left you have with him?” Her question knocks you so hard off your balance that you sober up. “I⎼ I’m just…he should’ve told me sooner. He knew about it and he hid it from me.” “And that’s important right now?” You felt more judged than you’ve ever felt. “Seriously? Who cares? You want to waste time sulking? Have you thought about how he feels? Having to leave everything behind including his girlfriend, who he loves so much he almost took a bullet for?” “He did take a bullet for me.” You counter, as if that’s the pressing issue here. She raises her brows and tilts her head, the sassiest she’s ever been. “Really.” You take a deep breath. Why are you here? Like you said, there’s nothing you can do about it, so why harp on the fact that he kept this from you? You’re wasting precious time right now. When your eyes dart back to Hana, she smiles, knowing you’ve come to your senses. Getting up to your feet and scrambling for your belongings, you mutter, “You’ve always liked him better, haven’t you?” Her smug look waves you goodbye as you rush out, calling the first person that comes to mind to help you get back to Namjoon’s apartment. 

⎼

Jungkook stares up at the ceiling, not having moved from the couch since noon. When Namjoon comes back after a meeting, he shakes his head at the disinterested Jungkook, who only spares him a single glance before going back to zoning out. “Did you call her yet?” He asks. Namjoon huffs. “I’m sorry, I had work to attend to. Your problems aren’t exactly at the top of my list right now.” “Okay.” Jungkook blinks, turning over to face the inside of the couch. Namjoon runs his hand over his face. To not have a comeback for his sarcasm tells him how bad things are. “Look I know you’re upset but you can’t⎼” His sentence stops halfway when the front door opens, followed by the tune it makes. It gets Jungkook curious and he turns to Namjoon who has his eyes set on the door. He gets up, and eyes go wide when he sees you standing there, smiling sheepishly with Jaemin right behind you. “Y/N?” Jungkook perks up. He gets on his feet with a sudden burst of energy and you run into his open arms, pressing yourself against his chest. “Jungkook. I’m sorry.” You say, tears rolling down despite your eyes squeezed tight. He doesn’t hear a word you say, feeling only the tightness in his chest at the relief that you came back. Namjoon nods to Jaemin and you hear the door close. “Sit down Y/N, I’ll explain everything.” 

⎼

It’s been hours since you returned, and Namjoon and Jaemin have since retreated back to their apartments, giving you some privacy. Namjoon had spent some time explaining the move, but much of the details were redacted, not leaving you with a lot. Mostly because the information was classified. “Is this really necessary?” You ask. “Yes.” Namjoon says firmly. “In exchange for his cooperation, we’re offering him protection. Right now, as far as anyone knows, Jungkook or “Ace”, is being held at an out-of-state institution. That’s why we’ve had to keep him here since. If anyone knew he was somehow involved in the whole operation, he’d have a target on his back.” “Kim and Hongjun are dead, aren’t they?” “But there are others. And these people may have connections on the outside that we don’t know about.” You look at Jungkook, sitting idly beside you. “Sort of like witness protection.” “Something like that, yeah.” Namjoon agrees. “But we have enough evidence to tie them to the crimes. We don’t need him as an actual witness. But, we still need to play it safe till the trial.” Jungkook squeezes your hand, “It’ll only be a few years.” “Yeah,” you nod, smiling weakly, “I’ll call you every day.” “No.” Namjoon interrupts almost immediately, eyes wide in alarm. “No calls. We’re going no contact.” Your heart sinks even more, mouth agape. “What? But⎼” “That’s how it works; he’ll have a new identity, new job, new background in a new country.” He says, “He’s not going to be Jungkook anymore ⎼ and for security purposes we can’t disclose to you his new identity or where he’s going. As far as you know, Jungkook’s gone. The last time you saw him was the night of the raid.” You take a deep breath, frustration mingling with the grief in your chest. “And when he comes back in a few years? Won’t that be suspicious?” “In a few years selling the idea that he was held in a different state wouldn’t be a problem. He could say he got out early for good behaviour or something.” Namjoon waves his hand vaguely. “We’ll talk about that when the time comes.” In a different country, living under a fake name with little to no contact with anyone he knows here. You lie next to Jungkook, listening to him talk about the move. You keep your feelings in check, knowing how much more anxious he must be. You go quiet and he glances at you, zoned out. Nudging you, he gets on his side and places his palm to your cheek. “Hey. You okay?” “Oh yeah, sorry.” You smile, grabbing his hand. “I just got distracted.” You hate to make him worry, especially now. The one thing you can do for him is to make sure he knows you’ll be okay. “Is it about me leaving?” He asks. You shake your head and he gives you a look. “Liar.” You chuckle, sliding up and leaning against the headboard. “Five more days, right?” He looks at you with a blank stare, hating how casual you are about it. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with this.” “I’m not.” You shrug, lacing your fingers with his as he slides up and joins you, “But Hana’s right ⎼ there’s no time to mull over how much this sucks.” Jungkook tightens his grip. “I should’ve told you sooner.” “Yeah,” your voice cracks a smidge and you clear your throat, “you’re a dick.” “Sorry.” He kisses the side of your head. “It’s fine,” you say, more so convincing yourself than him, “let’s make the best of the next few days, okay?” Jungkook nods, pressing his head against yours. The air feels heavy with your worries, wearing you down. His arm lays heavy over you as you lay there silently, looking out the window. Behind you, the absence of his snoring tells you he lies awake behind you as well. It’s evident that neither of you are okay with this, but the only thing that you need right now is to sit with those feelings. As uncomfortable as they may be. 

⎼

The next morning, the news plays on the television, reporting on details of the case. Namjoon sits on the couch, paying close attention while Jungkook stays close by as he tidies the house, glancing at the screen every now and then. You tune it out, feeling all sorts of ways every time they bring up a trial. “How’s the media so fast with the info…” Namjoon mutters to himself, turning the volume down. “You’re probably not the only one with an informant,” Jungkook says mindlessly and he scoffs. “So, you ready?” Jungkook stops wiping the table down and stares at him. Namjoon goes back and forth between you two, picking up on the awkwardness. “No?” “Does it matter?” Jungkook shrugs. Namjoon’s shoulders drop slightly. “I know this is hard on you, but it’s the best case scenario.” “I get that.” Jungkook says, going back to cleaning. Avoiding further eye contact with Namjoon, the older man looks to you, and you shake your head, signalling him to leave it be. “Alright, I’m gonna go. And I’ll be back in the evening with your guests.” He says, nodding to you with a smile. You bid him goodbye as he leaves. Minutes later, Jungkook abandoned his chore, choosing to sit on the high stool of the counter, watching as you work on a batch of brownie batter. You smile up at him when you notice how intensely he’s staring. He then moves from his seat, coming up behind you, resting his head on your head and arms around your waist. “Chill, I’m not running away again anytime soon.” You joke, and he smiles. The two of you found the whole thing rather amusing after talking it out. But at the back of your minds, the pressing reality haunts the both of you. Your laughters drown out the anxiety of what’s to come. “Sure you’re not mad at me still?” He asks, peeking down. “Folding that batter rather harshly.” “Positive.” You say firmly. “Maybe a little…” He peppers kisses on your cheeks, squishing your face between his fingers and forcing you to drop the spatula into the bowl. “Better?” Your cheeks hurt from smiling wide. He traps you between his body and the counter, and you look up at him smiling down. “I love you.” You blurt out, and his smile drops for a moment. “I love you too.” He whispers, looking down. “I’m sorry. I wish…it could be different…” “Hey,” you stop him, bringing his eyes back to you, “we said we wouldn’t do that…” A solemn smile appears on his face. He nods at your words. “Yeah, you’re right.” It hurts to see him so miserable, perhaps even more miserable than you are on the inside. But harping on what can’t be changed is fruitless. The time you have left can be spent cherishing whatever you have now. “Now, why don’t you start preparing what we need for tonight?” You change the subject and bring him back to the present. It works in the moment, when you notice his face eases up, and he gets to work, opening up the cabinets to fish out the dinnerware. While he gets to work, you glance at him occasionally, wondering how he managed to keep up a front the last week you’ve been together, knowing he’d eventually have to leave. He looks up and smiles at you, and you feel a tug at your heartstrings, knowing you won’t be seeing that for a long time.

⎼

The mirror has seen Jungkook more than you have the entire afternoon. He puts on a simple blue sweater you picked and paired it with black jeans, getting a weird feeling in his tummy when he thinks about the dinner. Even though he denies it, you know he’s excited, jittery even, to see his friends again. While he waits, Jungkook practises his smile, then physically cringes at how ridiculous he’s being. Luckily you’re not here to laugh at him. You’d left a while ago, waiting for Namjoon and the others at the basement carpark. Jungkook flops down on the bed, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast. Meanwhile, downstairs, you stand near the entrance of the basement ready to greet the two black SUVs as they arrive. The first one opens up to a beaming Hana, excitement showing in her demeanour. If Namjoon had been in the car, he definitely would’ve figured out that she knows. Ten minutes later, Hoseok and Jimin’s car arrive and you see Jimin immediately darting towards you, going in for a hug. “Where’ve you been, stranger?” He asks, squeezing you. “Here and there.” You say, leaning into him. Catching up behind him, Hoseok offers you a warm smile, relieved to see you in good spirits. Once you pull away from Jimin, he steps forward. “First of all, I’m sorry about last time. We were jerks. I was a jerk.” You wave it off. “Don’t worry about that. I’m good now.” “Really?” He raises a brow, casting a doubtful look at your switch up. He finds it strange when you extend your arm to give him a hug as well, but doesn’t oppose. Namjoon shows up from behind, ushering everyone to the lift lobby. Everyone is quiet, paying close attention as he scans his biometrics, waiting for a green flash to appear before pressing the button to his floor. You giggle at their awed expressions. “I’ve missed you,” Jimin nudges you, “you’re okay?” “Of course she is,” Hana chimes in just as the elevator stops, opening up to the corridor. Namjoon leads the way, once again using his biometrics to unlock the door. “Look at this place. I bet it has a great⎼” “The view…” Jimin continues, pushing past you and Hana and going straight for the high windows. The other two join him and they gawk at the skyline, completely ignoring the nice table set up you and Jungkook had worked on. Hoseok shakes his head. “I always knew you were rich but you’re actually rich rich.” “Oh come on,” Namjoon scoffs, “this place technically belongs to my company.” “Still,” Hana shrugs, “no wonder y/n wouldn’t go back home.” She winks your way and you widen your eyes, trying to control the huge grin. Namjoon then takes it upon himself to hand out champagne glasses, “Here you go guys…thanks for coming over tonight. I really wanted everyone to be able to come together after…all that’s happened.” Everyone stands to face Namjoon as he speaks. Without realising, their glasses start to fill, starting with Hana. She turns to the server, about to relay her thanks, not thinking much about the fact that maybe Namjoon had a butler whose presence she had missed. But she goes for a double take, before words can even be said, and the man shoots her a charming wink before moving ahead. Hoseok’s glass is next.

“Congrats on the successful case.” Hoseok says, angling his glass to allow for a better flow. But he’s much too focused on Namjoon to notice anything. “I can finally stop pretending not to know you.” “Yeah, you killed it.” Jimin chimes in. “You don’t even know who he is.” Hana raises a brow at him. “I’ve seen him around okay?” Jimin mutters, watching the liquid fill his glass. He glances at the server and smiles, raising his glass. “Cheers. Thanks Jungkook.” Your smile grows wider as you watch Jimin freeze just an inch away from the glass touching his lips. Hoseok snaps his head to the man behind him, mouth parting and unable to tear his eyes away from the sight that he doesn’t even think is real. Jimin spins around, carefully studying the person standing an arm’s length away from him. Jungkook notices the twist of his face, one he always makes when he’s emotional. “Jungkook!” In his excitement, red wine spills all over the floor as he jumps towards Jungkook, holding him tight. Welcoming the embrace, Jungkook’s smile reaches his eyes and he lets his head drop to Jimin’s shoulder. “Hey, Jimin. Long time no see.” “Jeon Jungook, what the hell.” Hoseok mutters unbelievably. He turns to Namjoon for confirmation, as if the person he’s looking at might just be a figment of his imagination. Even as Jimin pulls away, collecting himself, Hoseok finds it hard to believe that it’s the same Jungkook he’d spent weeks checking hospitals for, the Jungkook he thought had fled somewhere far away. He’d gone through many different scenarios in his head, of when he would somehow see Jungkook again, but he didn’t think it would be so soon. Staring at him wide-eyed, almost as nervous as he is, Jungkook clears his throat. “Hi, hyung.”

⎼

Under the table, Jungkook’s hand finds solace in yours, squeezing every time the nerves get to him. He doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, but as soon as he sees your reassuring smile, he relaxes. You turn your palm over, letting your fingers lace together with his. Everyone’s impatience forced Namjoon to retell the story over dinner; how the plan came about and where Jungkook fit into all of it. As absorbed as you were the first time, everyone eats silently while Namjoon goes on. Seeing how Jungkook has barely touched his food, you lean in to whisper, “You okay?” Jungkook sneaks a glance at the others, all focused on Namjoon, “I feel weird.” He admits. His sweaty palms are a testament to that, as well as eyes that shy away from the others. “You’re doing fine. Just be yourself.” Jungkook nods, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to figure out how to do that. What does being himself mean? He’d always been himself around them, but that was his old self. Just as he’s getting lost in his thoughts, he feels the weight of three pairs of eyes turn to him. “I can’t believe you were his informant the entire time,” Hana says, “You played the role so well, I thought ya’ll couldn’t stand each other.” “Oh that wasn’t acting.” Jungkook shakes his head, “I actually can’t stand him.” Already anticipating such a response, Namjoon’s eyes roll as far back as they can go. Heart thumping at his first comment out loud, Jungkook sucks in a breath to calm himself. You give him a squeeze of his hand to let him know he did good. “And you never figured it out?” Jimin asks, side eyeing you. You punch him lightly and he pouts. “Hey, no one knew. You’re his best friend and you didn’t figure it out either.” “How did you do it?” Hoseok asks, and there’s a moment of awkwardness as everyone waits for Jungkook’s reply. “Must’ve been lonely…not having anyone to talk to about it with.” He takes a while to think, huffing a small laugh as he plays with the cut up meat on his plate. “It wasn’t easy…I had to keep lying to people. Which made things a lot more complicated because the lies kept coming back to bite me.” Everyone takes a moment, realising it’s the first time they’ve ever heard Jungkook speak so vulnerably. It’s new to him too, only ever being comfortable to open up around you. And Suga. “Probably didn’t help that someone kept meddling,” Namjoon says, breaking the tension. His eyes hook right on to yours, “Even after getting a warning. Multiple warnings in fact.” “I’m very passionate about my loved ones.” You stick your nose proudly in the air, earning a scowl from Namjoon. “Did you know?” Hana asks, avoiding your stare. “We went through such lengths to keep things from you.” Jungkook glances at you, smiling. “I had no idea. I just thought she was obsessed.” Your jaw drops as a round of laughs make its way through the table and Jungkook grins. He pulls you close to his side, squishing your cheeks. “I’m kidding.” He says. “I knew you were a meddler but I didn’t think it went that far.” “Yeah, you were basically running your own operation while we ran ours.” Namjoon shakes his head and you throw a broccoli his way, hitting him right on the forehead. He sits back in his chair, jutting his chin out with restrained annoyance as Jimin and Hana snicker across from him. Next to Namjoon, Hoseok watches on with a smile while you go back and forth, still finding it odd to be sitting on the same table as his friend and everyone else, especially Jungook. He sneaks a glance in Jungkook’s direction, only to find him already staring. Taken by surprise at the sudden eye contact, Jungkook blinks rapidly before finding interest in his food. You manage to catch the tiniest look of endearment on Hoseok’s face as he’s looking at Jungkook. His eyes then drift over to yours, eyes crinkling into a smile, which you return. Hoseok’s heart thumps in his chest, seeing the most genuine smile he’s ever seen from you. 

⎼

After some persuading, Namjoon agreed to bring everyone up to the rooftop, where Jungkook and you often frequent. You were too excited to be able to share the view with your friends, hooking your arm around theirs, immediately dragging them past the pool towards the rooftop garden. Strolling behind, Namjoon, Hoseok and Jungkook walk at a steady pace. Jungkook walks a couple of steps behind the other two, snorting when he hears your voice in the distance, blabbering about something. Namjoon glances back, then bumps his elbow against his friend. Hoseok looks at him curiously, and Namjoon nods towards the back, and as Hoseok’s eyes dart to Jungkook, awkwardness wraps around his entire being. With a curt nod, Namjoon gets ahead, catching up with everyone else, leaving Hoseok and Jungkook alone for the first time tonight. In an effort to be the bigger person, Hoseok slows down to match his steps with Jungkook. They make eye contact the moment they walk side by side, and both huff out an awkward chuckle. “Sorry I’m just feeling a little…” “Awkward?” Jungkook finishes his sentence and they both laugh, then fall quiet again. “Feels weird when we’re not arguing over something.” Hoseok huffs, smiling as he nods in agreement. “How’ve you been?” “Okay I guess.” Jungkook shrugs. “You?” “Good.” Hoseok takes a breath. “It’s good to see you again.” Jungkook gets a weird feeling in his chest, something he hasn’t felt since he was a child. Faint memories of his family come back to him for some reason. “I thought you escaped somehow.” Hoseok says as they settle on the daybeds by the pool. He sits facing Jungkook, noticing his eyes drifting off to where you are, standing by the railing overlooking the view with the others. “She had a feeling you were still around though. We didn’t believe her.” “She’s always right.” Jungkook chuckles and so does Hoseok. “But I don’t blame you. Classic me move, right? Running away every time there’s a problem.” Hoseok’s smile drops. Seemingly unbothered by his own comment, Jungkook stretches his leg out in front of him, patting his palms on his thighs. All the times he’s criticised Jungkook comes to mind, wondering how much Jungkook must have internalised for him to be okay saying such things about himself. 

“Jungkook, I’m sorry.” Unsure if he had heard right, Jungkook’s stares at him wide-eyed. “What did you say?” “I’m really sorry,” Hoseok repeats, shaking his guilt-ridden head. “I’ve spent many nights thinking about how badly I treated you. It was horrible…” Jungkook smiles. “It’s okay.” “No, don’t say that.” Hoseok sighs. “Don’t let me off the hook so easily. I was always criticising you and telling you what to do, judging you when I didn’t even know you at all. You were right when you said I had a saviour complex. I kept saying that I was doing all that because I cared ⎼ and I did, I still do ⎼ but I went about it the wrong way.” “I should’ve sat down with you and tried to understand you. Then maybe I could’ve given you real advice. But instead I just ordered you around.” “I mean, I wasn’t the easiest to talk to.” Jungkook rubs the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “And a lot of what you said was true, I just didn’t want to hear it.” “It's hard to hear over someone constantly berating you.” Hoseok says. “At some point I even turned on you and let my feelings for y/n get in the way. Wasn’t till she told me off one day that it really hit me…you should’ve just socked me in the face.” “Trust me, I thought about that a lot.” Jungkook admits, laughing. “I’m kidding. Not gonna lie, you were annoying. But now that I can think clearly, looking back, I can see you meant well. Back then I had so many things on my mind, and your constant lectures were just something I couldn’t deal with. Which is why I was so defensive.” “You did have a lot going on…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Hoseok offers an apologetic smile. “All that time you were actually in on the case with Namjoon.” “To be fair, before that I was just a menace.” Jungkook chuckles, and Hoseok realises he’s never been able to sit with Jungkook like this, hearing him laugh about silly things. “When I got involved, I had to bite my tongue from letting it slip every time we fought. I wanted so badly to tell you I’m trying, I’m trying to change.” It makes Hoseok emotional hearing that; it was all he ever wanted, for Jungkook to be a better person. Yet when it was happening, he didn’t even realise it. Regret seeps through his entire being. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” It’s something Jungkook can smile about now, though he remembers the frustration at the time. “It’s all good now. Water under the bridge.” Almost as if he doesn’t recognise the person in front of him, Hoseok tilts his head slightly, admiring Jungkook. The rude, indifferent boy no longer present, replaced with a level-headed version of him; mature yet surrounded by a youthful aura. “In the end, you did the right thing though. And all on your own.” Hoseok grins, “I’m proud of you.” The four words echo through Jungkook’s head and he looks away, feeling that ache in his chest again. What follows is an odd sensation of relief washing over him. The mix of emotions confuse him, and perhaps it’s because he never truly allowed himself to have such moments; the only ever person he would let himself be open with was with you. And now, he sits here, blinking away tears. Jungkook clears his throat. “I um…I wanted to thank you.” “For what?” “Just…” Jungkook shrugs, “I know that it was you who got Namjoon involved in the first place⎼” “I’m sorry for that too,” Hoseok buries his head in his hands, “I didn’t think things would get so serious. I thought it would be a simple crackdown and you’d be free. But this⎼ I didn’t⎼” “I know,” Jungkook says gently, “Namjoon told me everything. But also…for always being there for y/n. You care a lot about her and I appreciate it, you’ve always looked out for her. And I hope you can continue to do that.” Something about the way Jungkook said it made Hoseok feel uneasy. His tone had been ominous and loaded, there was definitely more to it. But before Hoseok has a chance to question it, Jungkook’s attention rips away from him and he straightens up happily, eyes hooked on to your approaching figure.

“Hey.” You plop down right next to him, “What are you two talking about?” “Stuff.” Jungkook says, stretching his arm out over your shoulders. Hoseok nods, “Stuff.” “Fascinating.” You say bluntly, then turn to Hoseok. “Have you seen the view? It’s ⎼” “We were actually just talking about how stubborn you are.” Jungkook cuts you off, winking at the man across from him. “Yeah,” Hoseok huffs out, puffing his cheeks and his head sways side to side, “remember when she made a deal with Hongjun and got herself in trouble?” “Oh yeah, how could I forget.” Jungkook sighs. “Can you imagine? Putting herself at risk like that.” Their heads spin to you, gauging your reaction. Just as they thought, you sit there with your arms folded, forehead creased with annoyance. You go back and forth between the two of them. “I don’t like this new dynamic.”

⎼

Jungkook tries to recall the last time his cheeks hurt from smiling too much. Or if he’s ever laughed as much as he has tonight. He’d sink into pockets of awkwardness at times, but it wasn’t hard to get back into the rhythm and pick himself out of that hole. It makes him think about the last few years, and how different life could’ve been and how much he might’ve missed out on. Across the room, you take turns to play a video game Namjoon put on, the four of you screaming every time a character is annihilated. Jungkook opens the fridge and stares mindlessly at the inside for a minute. Namjoon then comes up behind him, shuffling around the kitchen for some snacks. He finds a packet of chips and tears the bag open while his back leans against the counter. Feeling a pair of eyes trained on him, Jungkook looks over his shoulder. “What?” “Ready?” Jungkook turns back around. “For what?” He mumbles as he bends down to grab a can. “To break the news to them.” He says quietly, “Or are you not doing that tonight?” The fridge door shuts a little too hard and Jungkook winces. In front of the television, the other four remain unbothered, eyes glued to the screen. “I don’t want to ruin the night.” Namjoon shrugs. “Although I’m sure they’d want to know sooner than later.” “Weren’t you the one who suggested I tell them on the day I’m leaving?” “Yes,” Namjoon drags the word out, “that is usually how we do it. But I’m willing to close one eye and let you have a choice.” “I don’t even think I can do it.” Jungkook says, looking over at them again. How can he drop the news so casually after tonight? It’s taken months to reveal himself to them, and for them to find out that he was working with Namjoon the whole time, only to then break the news that he has to leave in a matter of days? His shoulder drops when Namjoon places his hand on it. “I could make the announcement for you?” Jungkook gives it a thought. The joy on your face is something he doesn’t want to see gone. If you can put up a brave front despite already knowing, then he can too. Thinking back to the promise he’s made to you, to enjoy the last few days you have with each other, Jungkook makes up his mind. He shakes his head, and Namjoon nods with a smile. Everyone will just have to forgive him once more in the future. 

⎼

Jungkook fluffs the last pillow and sets it back neatly on the couch. Looking around, he exhales in triumph at how he’s managed to tidy up the place back to its original state. The quiet feels strangely odd, now that’s everyone’s gone home, even though it’s all he’s known in the last month. He grabs the trash bags you’d left by the kitchen, and steps outside to dump the last of them down the chute. Just before he makes his way back inside, Jungkook lingers by the doorframe, staring at the elevator where everyone said their goodbyes. “See you soon!” Hoseok said. And Jimin goes on about how he can’t wait for Jungkook to return to the house, thankful that they hadn’t cleared out his room. Jungkook could only smile, knowing he in fact won’t be back. After washing up, you enter the room to find Jungkook on the bed, looking through your phone with a towel around his damp hair. You climb on his back, taking a whiff of his body wash and sighing immediately. Jungkook’s smile stretches wider as he scrolls through the pictures you took tonight. Your chin finds a spot on his shoulder and you let your weight rest on him. “That was a nice night, right?” “Mhm.” He nods and you kiss the side of his face. “I was awkward though.” “But you did so well.” You reassure him, rolling off his back and joining him on your front, shoulder to shoulder with him. “Everyone was so happy to see you.” Jungkook’s heart swells, something he’s still trying to get used to. He passes the phone back to you and gets on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He still thinks about the conversation he had with Hoseok, how for the first time ever, they’ve spoken without getting into a huge fight. “It was so crazy. Hoseok apologised to me, you know?” “Did he?” You lie on your side, head resting on your palm. “Yeah.” Jungkook smiles as he recalls. “It’s weird I got kind of nervous…but also happy.” “That’s cute!” You chuckle. “Deep down you actually do like him, don’t you?” “I guess I do now.” Jungkook thinks back to the old days, when he would roll his eyes at the sight of Hoseok or the whiff of his cologne. “Back then he was insufferable. But tonight…he was kinda cool. Apologising and shit.” “Did you apologise?” Jungkook turns to you confused. “What? Was I supposed to?” “I mean you were pretty mean to him back then.” You say and he frowns deeper. “Remember when you almost got us into a crash?” Jungkook’s face softens when you remind him of that. “Hey…” You laugh at his disappointment in you bringing it up again, though you never actually got to speaking about it since that night. “What? It’s true!” “But you slapped me after.” He says, as a matter-of-factly. “Cause you almost killed us…” You say slowly and, “and then you almost beat him up.” “Well if you hadn’t ran off with him…” You gasp dramatically, getting on your knees to twist his ear. He cries out in pain, but a smile still lingers on his lips. Strong arms hold you in place as you climb on top of him. “I didn’t run off with him! I was running away from you! Because you⎼” He easily plucks your hand away from his ear with the way you back down, slowly remembering the events of the night that led up to his car chase. The image of him holding Hongjun in a headlock appears in your mind.

His playful gaze softens, thumb caressing the back of your palm reassuringly. “That was when you asked me to run off with you, wasn’t it? You were warning me about the operation.” Nodding, it feels silly now knowing he was involved all along. It’s no wonder he was so reluctant to leave. “That was when things started to make sense; your behaviour, the break-up, why you were so adamant on running away with me.” Jungkook chuckles, sitting up to get closer to you. His arms keep you in place on his lap. “Could you tell I was panicking?” “I didn’t realise,” you admit, “I thought you wanted to stay loyal to your friends…it was so frustrating.” He laughs but it’s cut short when he doesn’t see you joining him. Instead, your eyes glaze over, and he loses you in that moment. Only when the back of his fingers gently graze against your cheek do you return, eyes going back and forth between his. 

“You had that same look,” he whispers. You swallow, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “Hm?” “That night, you had the same look on your face.” He repeats, tilting his head when you avert your gaze, “Right before you ran off.” You slide off of him, grabbing a pillow to hug. Jungkook mirrors your movements, crossing his legs and letting your knees touch. When the distress on your face doesn’t go away, he gets nervous, frowning when he realises whatever it is, is bothering you that much. “Is it Hongjun?” He asks carefully, reminded of how anxious you got previously. You wet your dry lips, suddenly feeling warm under his stare. The thought of Hongjun still brings back bad feelings sometimes, but it’s not what Jungkook thinks it is. “Not exactly…” you mutter, stopping before you say more. With all that’s happened, you can’t even remember if you’d asked him about the video. “It’s…you see before that…” you swallow your nerves, “I was⎼ ugh fuck.” “Hey, it’s alright.” Jungkook places his hand over yours. “I don’t want you to get upset…” You say quietly. He reaches under your chin to lift your gaze, gentle eyes greeting you. He smiles. “Tell me.” You take another deep breath, squeezing his hand. “Back then, Hongjun was still contacting me.” Jungkook nods curtly, paying close attention. “Well...he…” His body visibly tenses from the suspense. “Did he do anything to you?” “No,” you shake your head and let your fingers intertwine with his, watching his shoulders relax, “I don’t know where to start…” Jungkook tucks stray hairs away from your face and runs his thumb over your cheek. “From the beginning?” Recalling your contact with Hongjun felt odd, now that he’s gone, and the usual uneasiness in Jungkook’s expression which normally surfaced, no longer an issue. He seems to have internalised that Hongjun would never come back to haunt him. From the first time he’d sourced you out at the cafe, right down to the time he waited for you on campus, Jungkook listens attentively as you explain how Hongjun had wanted you to help him. None of it came as a surprise to Jungkook, it was exactly the kind of person Hongjun was; devious and manipulative. If he had known all this was happening, it would have been over for him. But now that he’s dead, Jungkook finds it regretful only because it caused you so much stress. “He said some things about you and some of the things you did for Kim.” You say. Jungkook nods. “He was manipulating you. He knew you were his best bet in getting me out of the picture.” “The thing is, I knew deep down that’s what it was. But I was also scared…” Your words trail off and he lowers his head to match yours, “Scared of…me?” “Of the things he said you did.” You squeeze your eyes shut but he cups your face and brings it up to his. “I’ve said it before, haven't I? None of it’s true.” “I know that, I believe you.” Jungkook searches your eyes. “But?...” “There was a video. Of you.” He shifts uncomfortably, eyes locked on to yours. “You were in a fight. And it looked like you won, but the other guy…”

Jungkook seems to catch on to what you’re referring to. There’s been many fights he’s been over the years but only a few come to mind at once. And he can’t think of many that anyone would have a video of. If he wasn’t nervous before, now he is. “Wait,” his forehead creases, “he sent you a video of me in this fight?” “Yes.” You breath out shakily. “I didn’t want to believe him when he said you were doing all sorts of terrible things to people because of Kim. He kept trying to convince me that you needed me to save you. So he sent me that video as proof that if I don't help you, it’ll only get worse and worse.” “What did you see?” Staring at him, you hesitate to carry on, but he raises his brows, urging you with a silent promise that it’ll be okay. “There were people cheering and screaming. It was really loud. And I saw you somewhere in the middle of all that, tangled up with someone. He was in a chokehold, in your arms…and then I think he…” Shaking your head, you refuse to go on, averting your eyes to where your hands have balled up the blankets in your fists. “And I know you said you don’t⎼ you’ve never⎼ killed anyone but⎼” “Calm down⎼” “I don’t know what went down that night but I know you would never I know they made you do it, and⎼” “Stop.” “And I’m willing to move past that, I still love you.” Jungkook shuts his eyes and heaves out, dropping his head. For a moment you think he might lose it, or breakdown, something. But the corners of his lips curve up and now he’s looking at you with a tender look in his glossy eyes. “Who are you kidding my love? You’d have sleepless nights if the love of your life killed someone.” “But I’m⎼” “Thankfully he’s not.” The amusement all over his face doesn’t help to convince you. You can’t tell if he’s already accepted a man’s death by his hands or if he’s pushed the memory so far back into his mind, he’s convinced himself it never happened. Both possibilities don’t sound so good. “It’s not funny.” “I know, sorry.” He smiles, taking your hands in his. “I didn’t kill anyone.” “I saw the video, Jungkook. It was a fight to the death, people placed bets on you. You won, he died.” Jungkook nods, “That’s what I thought happened too. I was chosen to fight but he volunteered, I didn’t know the guy, hadn’t seen him before that night. I thought he was one of Barome’s men. Trust me…you have no idea how I felt after the fight, thinking I’d killed him.” “Wait, so…” “He’s not dead.”

As simple as they are, the words would not process in your head. It just made no sense. “Wha⎼ How? Are you sure?” “Namjoon said so.” Jungkook says. “That guy might have been undercover too. He didn’t go into too much detail but I’m guessing they figured out a way to make it look like he was dead for real. Wouldn’t be too hard considering everyone was pretty much high or wasted that night. I wish he’d told me cause I was inconsolable after.” “I don’t even remember the fight or what led up to it. Someone must’ve slipped me something. But I would never kill anyone, only knock them out cold. I don’t even know how to kill someone like that. So when I found out what happened…it was like a nightmare.” “Oh gosh…” your stomach twists, “I shouldn’t have believed Hongjun…” “I don’t blame you.” Jungkook smiles reassuringly. “I believed it myself. He really wanted you to get me out of the picture huh?” “Yeah, and it worked.” You smile sheepishly. “That’s why I was so flustered that night. I made excuses for it…like maybe you were forced to do it or something. But then when Hongjun showed up and I saw you hold him in a chokehold till he passed out…” “It reminded you of the video.” Nodding as your heart starts to fill with relief, pushing away any thoughts you had before, you crawl into his arms and he hugs you tight. “That’s why I wanted us to run away together. I thought I was saving you. Sorry.” “Don’t be. I know Hongjun and this is exactly the type of shit he’d pull.” Jungkook sighs. “I was stupid to even take up his offer.” You say, pulling away and rolling off face down into a pillow. Jungkook’s palm lands on your ass, and you let out a yelp, turning to scowl at him. Chuckling, he rolls you back to your front, sliding on his side to rest next to you. “You literally never listen.” With a roll of your eyes, you playfully slap him. He cups the side of his affected cheek and gasps. “Another slap.” “A loving one.” Jungkook leans in to capture your lips in a tender kiss, one that has your body melting into the mattress. Pulling away far too quickly, he chuckles at your half-lidded eyes, feeling the exhaustion catching up to himself after all the excitement of the day. You get comfy under the covers as he turns the lights off and pulls the curtains back, allowing the brightness of the city to illuminate the room instead. Ignoring the space you made next to you, he climbs on top and rests his weight on you, melting your bodies together. You hum out a sigh. “Heavy.” 

His body shakes with giggles, head nestled nicely between your bosoms. “But comfy.” Your body eventually adjusts to it, muscles relaxing beneath him, and fatigue slowly creeping over you. Fingers trace his scalp, easing him to closed eyes. “Thanks for coming back.” His voice fills the silence of the night. With no response, he thinks maybe you’ve fallen asleep, hands no longer stroking his head. But then they slide lower, rubbing his back soothingly. “Sorry for getting mad.” “Sorry for keeping it a secret.” “Sorry for conspiring with Hongjun.” Jungkook laughs, lifting his head. “Okay how far back are we gonna take this?” “I don’t know,” you grin and even in the dark he can’t stop staring, “but I am sorry.” “It’s not your fault.” He says, “Hongjun’s a master manipulator. He was just using you. Which is why I said not to engage with him.” “Like you said, it’s not my fault.” You shrug and he laughs unbelievably. Sliding up to meet his face with yours, the tip of his nose gently grazes yours. “I adore you, you know that?” His hot breath tickles, and a finger grazes over your face. “I know,” his head drops to your shoulder and you slap his back, “Jaemin told me you cried all night.” “I’m literally gonna wring his neck the next time I see him.” “Don’t be mean!” You say, “I like him. He’s nice.” Jungkook leans in closer, moving in to kiss you fervently. 

⎼

In the middle of the night, your eyes peel open after drifting out of a blank dream, leaving you dissatisfied and tossing over to find a more comfortable position. Turning to the other side, your arm stretches out to reach for something to cling to. But it falls to the bed much to your disappointment. In place of Jungkook, his lived-in spot and a tossed over blanket remain. No sounds appear to come from the bathroom, so you slip out the door which was left slightly ajar. And standing in front of the windows, you see his lonesome figure, staring outside. Sleep hasn’t been an issue ever since you came, but you know some nights still give him trouble. “Jungkook?” Trotting over to where he is, you drag your slippers against the floor. He must have heard you, but he remains still as a statue. “Nightmares again?” Only a soft sniffle can be heard in the silence. And as you come up to his side, illuminated by the city lights, you see tears streaming down his face, tired and strained eyes avoiding you. A wave of panic rushes through your body and you cup his face, feeling its warmth spreading to your hands. “What’s wrong?” Jungkook shakes his head, turning away. But you persist, pulling him back to face you. Words struggle to leave him and you can only wrap around him, holding him tight as whispering soft words of comfort. His head slowly drops, tears dampening the clothes on your shoulder. As if scared to make a sound, Jungkook continues to cry silently, sniffing every now and then. His arms hold on to you so tight you can feel the beating of his heart against your body. Wishing you knew what’s going on in that head of his, you run a soothing hand down his back, waiting for him to calm down before trying to pull away. A while passes and you almost doze off yourself, resting against the couch. At some point, he had let up enough for you to tug him there, where he found comfort in your lap. The sobbing slows down, and you take a peek, finding him still awake and staring at the blank screen ahead. “You okay?”

He nods, cheek brushing against your thigh. “Talk to me.” You say gently, giving him time to gather himself. “It keeps coming back to me,” he says, shifting his body so that he lays on his back, looking up at you, “every time I close my eyes I see him, lying there on the ground…” “Who?” “Kim.” It comes out in a whisper, and he shuts his eyes like it pains him. After all this time, you still don’t know what happened that night. The news had reported a cardiac arrest at the time of confrontation, but you know it’s not the full story, because they weren’t there either. Only Jungkook, Namjoon, Seokjin and Kim would know what actually happened then. 

You rub a thumb over his damp and sore cheek. He sniffles. “I close my eyes and I see him,” he repeats, struggling to continue, “I had to choose…between him…and…”With a hand over his chest, you feel the shakiness in his breath. He winces at the pain he feels inside. “Take your time.” You say softly. “I pointed the gun at him.” Jungkook continues with a strained voice. He sits up, feeling suffocated. “And the look on his face…I⎼ He was so disappointed, I know he was.” “Even after what happened at the club…he still trusted me y/n…” Jungkook says, “And I let him down. I betrayed him after everything he’s done for me. The moment he knew I wasn’t on his side, he⎼” Warm tears stream down his face faster than you can wipe them away. “His heart just stopped,” Jungkook says, with an empty look in his eyes. “It just stopped. Because of me. I killed him. He’s dead because of me.” Tears well up in your own eyes, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach at the sight of Jungkook so broken. Devastated by how he’s blaming himself for Kim’s death, you hush him. “Don’t say that.” “His last words to me were that he trusted me.” Jungkook whispers, hanging his head low. Embracing him, he’s much gentler this time, letting his chin rest on your shoulder. For so long, this has been bothering him with no one to talk to. So much so that it ended up eating him alive. Every night since Kim died, Jungkook has had the same recurring nightmare, one where he’s forced to remember Kim’s last moments, on the ground in that alley where he had revealed his alliance with Namjoon. Even if he did manage to get through the night, he would never feel fully rested. Kim’s death weighs heavy in his chest. He considers himself to blame, and no one can convince him otherwise. He was there that night, and nothing can change how it all happened, even if he so desperately wishes for things to have ended differently. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, wishing you could absorb all the pain and let it consume you instead. “I didn’t know.” “That was the last time I saw him.” Jungkook says. “I still remember how cold his hand was against mine. He smiled at me, told me he trusted me. He left the company to me. To Suga.” Suga. Somehow you had forgotten about him. But you were also conscious of how Jungkook hadn’t uttered his name since, and figured it isn’t something he wants to talk about especially after the revelation of Jungkook as Namjoon’s informant. “And Suga…I let him down.” Jungkook sniffs. “I let him down. He saw the whole thing. The betrayal, Kim falling after.” Your heart beats wildly in your chest. What Mia told you before suddenly comes to mind; someone spotting Suga in this exact part of the city. It might be a coincidence, and it might not even be him, but you decide not to tell Jungkook yet. Knowing there’s nothing much you can say to snap him out of it, you comfort him in the only way you know how. Your presence keeps him grounded, and a tiny piece of the burden he’s been carrying lifts off his shoulders. Weariness overcomes Jungkook and his eyelids fight a losing battle. Not wanting to ruin his chances of getting some rest, you continue to rub his back, whispering words of comfort, and the two of you stay on the couch for the rest of the night with Jungkook snoring lightly next to you. His arm lies limp over your middle and you lay awake, staring at the ceiling as your thoughts cloud your mind. 

⎼

“What about winter coats?” You flash your screen to show him one you found online. His nose scrunches up. “Don’t know if I’ll need it there.” “Which is where…” You zip your lip when he raises a brow at you, shaking his head. “You know I can’t tell you.” He stops, eyes darting around. “Wait, I don’t even know where I’m going.” Jungkook looks down at the open luggage by his feet, going over a list in his head. It’s filled with the necessities; basic clothing, toiletries, and some snacks stashed under everything. You lie on your front, chin resting on your folded arms on the edge of the bed. “Thinking so hard as if you have that much stuff to begin with…” He looks at you amused. Every time he starts packing, you get huffy and sulky, a habit of yours whenever he tries to leave after staying over. “I would stash you in here if I could but explosives are prohibited.” Rolling your eyes, you ignore the comment and hop off the bed. In front of the mirror, you fix your hair and check yourself out from each angle. He watches your strange behaviour from where he’s standing, “What are you doing?” “Trying to see if I still got it.” You look at him from the reflection. “After all, I’m about to live life as a single woman again in a matter of days.” Jungkook almost chokes on his own saliva, swiftly turning away from the wardrobe to see if he heard you right. “Excuse me what.” “Oh, Jungkook and I broke up. He got a scholarship overseas and it was too good an offer to turn down. We decided it’s best we focus on our own things for now.” It was the cover you both decided on if ever someone asks about him, but he hates hearing you actually saying it like it’s true. “That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?” “Only if someone asks.” He frowns. “And they will. You were insanely popular, Jungkook.” You say, “I’m just practising.” “For what.” “For when I go to the club,” you sing-song, “when I party at the Omega’s, or maybe one of the hot teaching assistants will hit on me.” You prance around as you list down the places you’d go as a free woman, Jungkook’s sharp eyes locked on you as you move. “No.” He says and you turn to see him already stomping towards you. You back off but he’s too quick and his long legs make for big steps that has you within reach in seconds, and suddenly you find yourself being thrown over his shoulder, a harsh slap landing on your ass. “I don’t like this.” He grunts. With one swoop, he shifts you into his arms and your vision spins from the sudden movement. The next moment, he’s placing you in his luggage, trying his best to fold your body in half just to fit you in whatever space he has left. You laugh as he tickles your sides to stop you from resisting, and the mischievous grin on his face grows larger as he zips up the portion where half your body’s managed to squeeze into. “Let me go!” You yell in a fit of laughter, one of his hands holding on to your wrists and the other aiming for your ticklish spots. “No. I’m taking you with me.” He giggles when you actually stop resisting and try to squeeze the top half of your body and head into whatever space is left. Your silliness clouds the sounds coming from outside, where Jaemin had allowed himself in, initially concerned at the sounds of your screaming. Praying that the two of you weren’t in the middle of some weird and violent foreplay session, he struts towards the room and stands at the door frame, wondering if he should even make himself known. 

Jaemin sighs. “Should I be worried?” The unfamiliar voice startles you, and you let out a shriek that has Jungkook falling backwards. Jaemin shuts his eyes, regretting his decision to stop by. Hand over your chest as you catch your breath, you burst into laughter when you catch Jungkook’s eye. “Why would you do that?” Jungkook asks, unzipping the compartment where half your body rests. “I did nothing.” Jaemin says, eyes full of judgement as you struggle to get yourself off the luggage, managing to do so only with Jungkook’s help. “I came to check if you needed anything. Did you read through the list I handed you?” “Yes,” Jungkook pats the pile of clothes, “only packed the essentials like you noted.” “Good.” He smiles a little, the first time you’ve seen him do that. “Don’t worry about packing too little, we’ll provide you with new clothes and other stuff once we’re there. I just got off a video call with our point person too, the house looks good, everything’s sorted.” “That’s great.” Jungkook lets out a heavy exhale. “Just great.” The shift in Jungkook’s demeanour doesn’t go unnoticed. Jaemin glances at you for a second, “I’m nervous too. It’s my first time in charge of such a big task.” His confession was unexpected but strangely comforting. At least you know Jungkook won’t be alone. You are interested in how these two are going to get along, knowing how hard-headed Jungkook can be. “It’ll be fine.” Jaemin’s confidence lightens Jungkook's mood slightly, a tiny smile creeping its way onto his face. 

⎼

“I’m not getting kidnapped, am I?” You watch the tall buildings slowly disappear, eventually leaving you with the view of clear skies, long roads and lines of cars as you get onto the highway. “Maybe you are.” His fingers squeeze through your fist and interlace with yours. “You’re coming with me.” “As hostage?” You scoff. “This isn’t my first rodeo you know?” Jungkook laughs. “Like I’d ever bring the snitch with me if I were running.” He braces for the punch that lands, though he knows it won’t hurt. Laughing adorably, he stretches his arm over your shoulder to pull you in closer just so he can wipe the pout away with his palm brushing over your face. “Stop it!” “I’m kidding,” he kisses the side of your head, “I’m taking you to meet someone special.” “Someone special?” On his face is a look you’ve never seen before; a mixture of anticipation and delight. Rarely does he ever get excited about anything enough to show it, and being this vulnerable is still something new. When he told you about a short trip, you expected one to the nearest department store to get essentials he might need. But the car gets further and further away from the city, and Jaemin continues on the route, the farthest he’s ever brought you both. After leaving in the morning, breakfast was from a drive-through and the car stopped by the side of a road near a park, allowing you, and Jaemin, to people watch as you eat peacefully. Then it’s off, without so much as a word from the younger man. He seems to know where he’s going though you assume it was entirely Jungkook’s idea based on how excited he is. You’re surprised Namjoon even approved this trip given how there's only two days left till his departure ⎼ something that’s been eating away at you silently. Two hours later, the roads begin to get narrower, and traffic gets slower. More greenery and houses come into view as you see a simple welcome sign by the side of the road as you enter a quaint and pretty town. Going past schools, apartments and houses, Jaemin stops the car at the basement level carpark of a mall. Scanning the surroundings, he stops only when he notices something, before the engine goes off. Turning in his seat, he hands Jungkook what looks like a burner phone. “Call if there’s an emergency. I’m on speed dial.” “You’re not coming with us?” You ask, genuinely surprised that he’s letting you off on your own in a random town.

He eyes Jungkook who beams from ear to ear. “It is a small town. And the threat is low here, so I can let you go for a while.” Apart from the phone, Jungkook is also handed two transport cards and a tracker, much smaller than an electronic tracker you’d see on offenders, just in the form of a sleek black band which he reluctantly hooks above his ankle. “Plus a black SUV driving around would probably stick out more than a couple taking a walk down the street.” Jaemin says, then stretches his neck out to search outside, pointing to an old blue and white Volvo parked on the opposite lot behind the SUV. You notice two figures sitting in the driver and passenger’s seat. “See that? That’s ours. They’ll be driving around town just in case. If there is an emergency and I can’t get there in time, I’ll activate them.” “Alright.” Jungkook says and you nod. “I’d still avoid contact unless absolutely necessary. Y/N, I’m gonna have to ask you to take the lead if need be.” “Sure,” you agree, watching Jungkook put on a mask and a cap. “And Jungkook, remember, this is your home⎼” “I know.” He cuts the man off eagerly and Jaemin takes the hint. “Send me a text when you’re done. I’ll give you instructions on where to go next.” “Got it.” Jungkook says, hand on the handle of the door. His enthusiasm is contagious, like a child on an excursion. Still, he waits for Jaemin to give the okay before practically prancing out, motioning for you to do the same. Hand in hand, you make it up the lift to the first floor of the mall, noticing how much slower and calm everything is. It’s unlike the usual chaos you’d find back in the city, with kids running around, talking loudly over the phone, and the less than friendly looks everyone gives each other. After a short walk, Jungkook stops by a flower shop. He spends a good five minutes looking through the fresh flowers in the fridge, contemplating on the perfect ones while you stroll around. Just as a bunch of tulips catch your eye, Jungkook comes up to you with fresh daisies in hand. “Who are these for?” You ask, complimenting his choice. “For the special person we’re going to see today.” “You still haven’t told me who it is.” He walks ahead towards the cashier and you tag along behind him, pausing as he does, and watching him reach over to grab a single rose stalk. Doe eyes smiling from under the cap, he offers the rose to you. Sheepishly, he turns as you accept it, heading straight for the counter where a young lady waits, having seen the whole interaction. She smiles knowingly, grabbing the flowers and skillfully wrapping them with brown paper. As she sticks the last tape over the bouquet and covers it with a sticker, she glances up curiously. “Are you two new here?” Jungkook’s elbow gently nudges yours. “Oh, no. We’re visiting a friend.” “Oh, how nice.” She says, eyeing Jungkook, who pays the amount in cash. “Well I hope they like the flowers!” “Thanks.” Jungkook says out of courtesy, then sneaking a glance at you when he remembers he’s not supposed to speak to anyone. Thankfully it didn’t matter to the cashier, who goes back to what she was doing prior after wishing you a lovely day. 

Flowers were the only thing on Jungkook’s list, and the two of you then got on a bus just five minutes away from the mall. He only briefly checks the route information before confirming which bus to take. Still having no idea where you’re going, you follow him blindly, trusting that he’ll figure it out. Only two others get on the bus at the same time, a woman in scrubs who takes the seat at the back, resting her head against the window as soon as she gets comfortable, and a young man with headphones on, eyes glued to a game he plays on his phone. Throughout the ride, Jungkook is quiet, completely absorbed into taking in the scenes out the window. The flowers lay in his lap, held so carefully to make sure they don’t get crushed. You watch the way his eyes sometimes fall to the bouquet, and realise how special this person is to him. Who could it be? You wonder. Maybe Suga? But flowers are an odd choice. Unless he’s recovering from something. And why at this random town two hours away? Fifteen minutes later, you reach the stop. Jungkook presses the bell and taps your thigh to signal you to get off. As the bus drives off, it leaves the two of you standing amidst a gust of smoke from the exhaust. Awaiting his next direction, Jungkook slips his hand in yours. Without saying much, he crosses to the other side of the road and takes you on a stroll down the street. At three in the afternoon, the clear, blue sky puts you in a cheerful mood. You don’t even mind the long walk with how picturesque everything looks here. Brown leaves have fallen on the ground lining the pathway, a cool breeze picking up every now and then and the smell of bread being blown in your direction from a nearby bakery. Everyone walks without rushing, and cars drive by without revving their engines or honking. Your arms linked together swing in between your bodies. “It’s just up ahead.” Jungkook informs you. Though you’ve had plenty of time to spend with Jungkook back at the apartment, the change of pace and environment makes everything a hundred times better. What more, Jungkook seems to be in the best mood you’ve seen him since. “Jungkook.” “Hm?” He turns to look at you. “Is this your hometown?” You get your answer when his steps slow down for a second and his interest moves to the cracks in the pavement as you continue to walk. “How’d you know?” “I figured,” you shrug, “Jaemin said something in the car earlier, and you just seem so comfortable here.” He nods, squeezing your hand. “This is where I’m from. Things have changed much but…some things are still the same.” You’re dying to ask more, but his eyes glaze over as he sinks into his own memories of the place, and you can feel the homesickness practically oozing out of his bones. A part of him still feels connected to this place after all this time, even when it’s where he experienced his first and gut-wrenching heartbreak of his life. And ten minutes later, you realise why. It clicks the moment you walk up a small hill with a narrow pathway, lined with shrubbery. Upon reaching the top of the hill, it expands into a gated area where hundreds of graves lie. “Are we…” You trail off as he carries on walking, not letting go of the grip on your hand behind him. The one he’s looking for is further back, passing by rows and rows of others who have left, and a handful of other people who are here to visit. Jungkook eventually comes to a stop and you watch his back as he takes another deep breath. From up the hill, though it’s not much higher than the roads, a nice view of the town greets you, just enough to see the roofs of nearby houses. 

Turning back, you see Jungkook take the first step towards one of the headstones. He stops right by the foot of it, and takes a moment to himself while you stay in your spot. Jungkook takes his cap off and pulls down his mask before kneeling on the ground to lay the flowers. He calls you over with a nod and there’s a tremble in your steps, feeling the jitters in your tummy. The headstone is a little darker than the others around it, but the lack of weeds growing around it tells you it’s cared for in some way. You kneel by Jungkook’s side, reading the carving on the headstone. Jeon Jung-Ah. “This is…” “My sister.” He smiles, teary eyed. While you make yourself comfortable, Jungkook brushes dirt off the stone and picks any stray growth around the area. He spends a long time caring for his sister in the only way he can, while whispering updates about his life to her. He fills her in on what’s happened, about you, and how he has to leave and won’t be able to see her for some time. “It’ll be years before I can come visit you again.” He sighs after, touching the headstone. You watch him from the side with admiration in your eyes, how he’s so soft and gentle while speaking. Jungkook looks at you. “Do you come back often?” You ask. “Only in the last couple of years.” Jungkook admits, knowing it took him far too long to build up the courage to come back. “For so long I’d left this part of me behind. I wanted to forget everything and everyone. But it always made me feel guilty, like I left her behind too.” “One night when I was sick of work, I decided to drive back here. I felt ill stepping back into town, bombarded with all the bad memories of this place, but I just missed her so much. It was right when I was starting to get disconnected with things at work, and Kim and Suga…I needed someone to talk to and she was the only person I wanted to talk to.” “So you ended up here.” He nods, scooting closer so your legs touch. “I can’t remember well but before I ran off I think I only ever visited her once. So I spent all night trying to find her. After all these years, being right here feels like home more than anything else. Even if she is…” The gleam in his eyes disappears, struggling to keep his emotions at bay. Your warm hand reaches for his on his lap, squeezing tight. “She’ll always be with you. In here.” You point to his heart and he chuckles. “Hey. That’s my line.” He blinks the tears away and leans in to plant a kiss on your forehead. He looks at you like he has a lot to say. “You know, back then I asked if she could send me a sign, anything, to nudge me in the right direction. And then shortly after, Namjoon appeared. I came back again and asked for another sign…just to be sure. And then I met you.” Hair blowing in the gentle breeze, Jungkook’s gaze on you is tender. He’s never shared this with you before, and the sheepish look on his face before turning away chuckling tells you he wasn’t planning to. “How lucky,” you say and he looks at you confused, “to have someone so special watching over you.” Jungkook smiles, never having thought of it that way. “Yeah, I guess I am lucky.”

“She’d be proud of you.” You nod. “Of the person you’ve become.” The lump in his throat grows larger but he swallows it down. His eyes start stinging and he curses himself for not being able to stop a tear from falling off the side of his face, quickly wiping it away with the back of his hand. “I don’t know.” He laughs. “She probably would’ve smacked me in the head if she knew what I got into.” “But it all led up to the you that’s here right now.” You say. “A smart, sensible, responsible and brave man.” “And handsome?” You roll your eyes, but feel relieved knowing he can joke at a time like this. “Yes. Handsome too.” Jungkook laughs, pulling you into his arms. Blue skies eventually turn orange as the sun starts to set, and the winds get stronger, blowing leaves across the plot of land. You say your goodbye to Jung-Ah and wait by the side to let Jungkook have some privacy. His fingers never leave her headstone as he speaks, and you know it pains him to have to leave her again. While you can’t hear exactly what he’s saying, his form is clearly more relaxed than before. You take a moment to look at the view, the orange hue resting over the town, birds flying overhead and the sound of kids laughing as they ride their bicycles home after a day at the park. You wonder which one of these roofs used to house Jungkook as a child, if his family were still there, and what would they say if they saw him now. Jungkook’s hand slips into yours and pushes the thoughts out of you. “Ready?” He asks, shoulders feeling lighter than before. You nod. “Are you?” Taken aback by your question, he stares out at the view. This place that used to be all he knew, then all he wanted to forget, is now a place he can no longer call home. Only bits and pieces of the memories he shares with his sister keep him tied here. There may be a lot to unpack, and while he’s settled one part of his troubled life, he doesn’t think he can handle thinking about the past again. “Let’s go.” He says, kissing your temple. The two of you head towards the location Jaemin had given, taking your time. Jaemin was already waiting at the spot, but says nothing when you climb back inside the car, only nodding in the rear view mirror before driving off. Jungkook looks out the window as he does, taking in every little detail. Who knows when he’ll be back, and if things might even be as they are now. Questions about his family still plague your mind, but it’s not something you want him to be burdened with right now. So you let him relive his memories with his sister; smiling at the streets they used to ride down, the school gate she used to wait for him by, the candy shop she’d share half her allowance money on to splurge on sweets with him, and the hill she now lay to rest on, awaiting his return.

⎼

The incessant stinging in your chest won’t go away. Neither will the lump in your throat, and your face muscles are tired from tensing up every time you feel a pinch in the bridge of your nose. Across the room, you watch Jungkook hand over his luggage to Jaemin, accompanied by two other agents. As the door shuts, his eyes search for yours and you don’t turn away in time to hide the pain. Before he can utter a word, you rush in the direction of the room. Standing at the doorway, he laughs when he finds you sitting on the edge of the bed with a pillow pressed against your face, sniffling into it. “I’m not crying.” You say, muffled. Footsteps approach and next thing you know the pillow gets pried away from your fingers. Jungkook caresses your frowning face, cheeks streamed with tears and eyes fresh with new ones about to fall. “It’s just that there’s something in my eyes.” Jungkook laughs again, and lowers himself to press his lips against yours. “It’s okay to be sad.” Grabbing his hands, you shake your head in disagreement. “I don’t want to ruin our last day together.” He hates that those words came out of your mouth, that there is even something as a last day together. “Crying won’t ruin it.” He states, “Actually, not crying would be worse. What? Can’t wait for me to leave?” Laughter leaves your lips, calming his own strained heart while the sleeves of your shirt soak up lingering tears. “You’re an idiot.” You say lovingly, landing your head against his chest. The last week of pretending everything is fine has come to an end. Pushing this move to the back of your minds was the only way either of you could fully live in the moment. But now, reality’s bursting through the doors, claiming its right to your happiness. Every night, you secretly wished for Namjoon to barge through the front door just to announce that Jungkook wouldn’t need to leave after all, the case is settled, Jungkook’s safety not compromised. But that never happened. “One last day.” The words sting. Even more for him, you think, though he does a good job of masking it. It didn’t take a lot to convince Jaemin this time, though you think he might’ve developed a soft spot for Jungkook now, or maybe it was out of pity that he’s allowed one last outing. Your apartment welcomes Jungkook with a familiar scent of lavender mixed with a pot of hot cocoa steaming on the stove. After a brief greeting with Hana who then left for class, he climbs into the comfort of your soft, squeaky bed. While you drop your bag of clothes in the corner, Jungkook’s eyes find the now wilted flowers on your table by the window. Rolling to his feet, he gently touches one of the wilted petals with the pads of his fingers. But his attention quickly shifts to a framed couple photo, next to one of your friend group. Thumb grazing tenderly over your face, he feels like a rope’s tightened around his chest. At your touch, his shoulders drop, your arms snaking over his waist, pressing your body against him. “You can have it if you want.” He arranges it back in place, shaking his head. “I have plenty.” “Good,” his hands cup your face as he turns, “you won’t forget me then.” “Never.” He kisses you. “I’ll die before that happens.” You giggle, getting on your toes for another kiss. “Same.” 

⎼

“I can’t let you out.” The car slows down and comes to a stop by the street across campus. Jaemin looks apologetic. “I know.” Jungkook’s back faces you as his eyes stay locked on the scenes outside. Rolling the window down slightly, the hustle and bustle of the student body takes him back to boring lectures, laughing with friends, training sessions, lunch by the water fountain, the track field, walking to class with you. Leaving the first time was painful enough, but there was always a chance to return. This time, the future’s unpredictable enough to keep his expectations to a minimum. Getting into college was always something he yearned for, one of the only things he had spent years getting Kim to agree to. On the condition he would supply drugs from inside, Kim paid for his tuition, and that was one of the first times Jungkook felt he truly had a hold of his life. Now, it’s only something he can reminisce about. When your fingers slip between his, he squeezes tight. And as the car picks up speed, Jungkook bids a silent goodbye to his unfulfilled college dream. Eventually the building disappears in the rear view mirror, and he heaves out a loaded sigh. The frat house remains as Jungkook remembers it to be, just a little cleaner. Stepping into his room feels like nostalgia, like going back to his childhood room. An orange glow streams in from the window, specs of dust floating in the air. Most of his stuff now packed in boxes, thanks to you, leaves the room the neatest it’s ever been since he claimed it on day one, having fought Taehyung for it. Standing in the middle, slow steps as he takes it all in, Jungkook feels something tugging at his heartstrings. “Why is this so difficult…” He murmurs and you wipe the single tear that escaped. Sucking in a breath, he throws his head back to pull himself together. “This has been your place for the last few years, of course it’s going to be tough to let go.” You say gently, and he nods, running his palm over his cheek. Jungkook flips through a stack of notes on his desk, smiling as he recalls the late nights, stressing over assignments and other stuff that he didn’t bother with until he wanted to impress you with good grades. Organised by colour, his clothes hang neatly, just the way he likes them. Taking on a new identity also meant he’d have to dress completely differently, leaving him no choice but to let them go. Perhaps the other guys would want them. His attention shifts suddenly to the emptiness outside. “It’s so quiet.” Jaemin had contacted Hoseok prior, ensuring that none of the other guys would be around. Jungkook knew that, but it feels weird anyway; no clunking from the kitchen from someone messing up dinner, no screaming at the television over a game, no mindless chatter filling up the house. Things he didn’t think much of before, now he’s going to miss. Sitting quietly on his bed, you smile cautiously. You realise it’s best to let him feel what he needs to feel, to be able to come to terms with what’s happening. “What?” He asks, smile tugging on one side. 

“Nothing.” You shrug, clocking the wicked smile he has on. “You’re cute when you’re serious. Like a rabbit sensing danger.” Finger under your chin to guide you towards him, he leans in and speaks in the teasing way he does. “Who’s the rabbit and who’s the danger here?” “You’re the ra⎼” Trailing off, your voice was barely a whisper as he brings himself closer, pressing his lips into yours in a gentle kiss. One that causes butterflies in your tummy and has you gasping for more. “Cute.” He mocks you. Jungkook’s mischievous grin is one you’ve missed, bringing you back to the early days of your relationship. Not that there’s anything wrong with sweet boyfriend Jungkook, but his assertive self always kept you wanting more. “Remember the first time we⎼” “Yeah.” Amused at how quickly you respond, his knee finds a place between your thighs, forcing you to scoot back. “Wanna re-enact?” “Like…like roleplay?” His brows raise. “Didn’t know you were into that.” “You never asked.” You simply say, earning a huff of annoyance from him. Hands grip your thighs on each side. “So you casually bring it up the day before I leave. So mean.” You giggle as he lifts your bottom half to shift you in the right position. Losing your balance from the sudden movement, your elbows give in, head thumping against the lone pillow, causing a blast of dust flying everywhere. Coughing uncontrollably, he pushes the window open, waving his hands around. Your laughter fills the room, clutching your middle as he struggles to catch his breath. “Oops,” you say between giggles. Furrowed brows turn into a big grin as he breaks into laughter himself. “Well that ruined the mood.” “Did it?” Your pursed lips keep his attention, until your finger hooks over your collar, tugging the material down to expose your cleavage. “How about now?” “Oh⎼ oh yeah, it’s back⎼” He dives straight for the exposed skin, peppering kisses as you laugh, ringing melodiously in his ear. The sound is something he never wants to forget; his insides feel mushy, and tingly, and exhilarated. The feeling intensifies with the charming grin on your face. Your laughter slows down, nodding to question his change in demeanour. The air between you feels light, and the world around you disappears in that moment you let yourself sink into his tender gaze. “What?” You ask shyly. “Nothing.” He says in a whisper, like he’s in a daze. “Good to know some things don’t change.” 

Heads snapping to the side, Jungkook stiffens at the intruder only to sigh in exasperation. Shifting upright, he fixes his hair, directing his gaze to the carpet instead. “Do you ever mind your own business⎼” “Woah,” Jimin blinks, “deja vu.” “What are you even doing here?” “I live here.” At that moment, the old Jungkook comes back, clicking his tongue at the older one’s response. It only excites Jimin, having missed their constant back and forth. It’s just not the same annoying the others. “Feels like it was just yesterday when I walked in on you two lovebirds, and⎼” “And you still don’t have any boundaries.” Jungkook’s head tilt and raised brow doesn’t faze him, simply patting the younger one’s face, then pulling him in for a forced hug. “I’ve missed this!” “He misses it too, just too stubborn to show it.” He glares at you for the remark and you stick your tongue out at him. Jimin exhales obnoxiously, stepping back with hands on his hips. “Can’t wait for you to move back. Then it’ll be just like old times.” Jungkook stares back blankly, and Jimin doesn’t notice the lack of response, already looking through the packed boxes, planning to put things back to where they’re supposed to go. A couple of times, his mouth opens to say something, but he can’t utter a word. They would only be told tonight, Jungkook decided, despite Namjoon offering to do it early. The problem was that he didn’t know how to break the news. Hand on his shoulder to get his attention, you lean in to whisper, “Do you want to tell him?” Jimin continues to rummage through the boxes, taking it upon himself to remove some of the clothes you packed away. He rambles on about something neither of you are paying attention to. “I’ll do it with you.” You lace your fingers with his. Diverting his gaze to the carpet to think about it for a while, Jungkook then presses his lips into a line and nods in agreement. You nod encouragingly. “Jimin, there’s something you should know.”

⎼

The gentle breeze grazes over your skin, causing goosebumps to appear. It smells of fresh grass and earth, and a little hint of Jungkook’s cologne, with his jacket wrapped comfortably around your shoulders. Right by the river, a path stretches along its length, buzzing with cyclists, runners, and the public. Near the edge of the water, crowds of people sit on the steps, waiting for the light show display along a bridge which travels across the river. Higher up on a hill, far away from the masses, your thigh brushes against Jungkook’s, arm hooked around his and your head on his shoulder. Churro in hand, he brings the snack to you, humming as you take a bite. “That’s good, actually.” He agrees, taking a bite himself. “7 out of 10.” “Seven?” You tilt your head up. “This is an 8.5 at least.” “Still, it’s better than the ones you tried to make.” Licking sugar off his fingers, he ignores the way your jaw drops till you land a smack to his chest. You recall the time you decided to try making churros of your own, only end up charring most of them, and getting multiple burn marks from splattering oil. He, of course, had been there to treat your wounds while snickering at the fail. “You’re so mean.” Offering a kiss to your cheek as an apology, he reaches over the spread of food laid out before you on a picnic mat, grabbing your favourite mango pudding. Despite the pout, you welcome a spoonful of it and break into a shy smile as he looks on with a tender smile. “You know I love your terrible cooking.” He braces as your fist makes contact with his arm. “It’s not my fault you have expensive taste.” “I’m not sure wanting food to be edible is having expensive taste, but okay.” You can’t even fight the laughter that spills out, knowing exactly how terrible some of the things you make turn out. “When you get back, I’ll cook the best meal you’ve ever had, you’ll see!” Jungkook chuckles, a hopeful look in his eyes. “Can’t wait.” You lock eyes for a little longer, till the sounds of amazement and cheering float through the crowd below as the light show begins. Streaks of rainbow coloured lights shine up into the night, as water jets activate at the same time, with music playing in sync. It’s a show you’ve seen many times before, and every single time it amazes you. But this time, your attention towards Jungkook remains undivided. You tuck the stray hairs behind his ear. “It’s getting long.” He smiles at your comment while you continue to fix his hair. “Maybe I’ll grow it out.” “Long hair?” Your nose scrunches up. “I don’t see it.” “You might not even recognise me when I come back.” You tilt your head in the way he finds adorable. “I’ll more likely forget how to make ramyeon before I forget how you look like.” His brows furrow. “Odd thing to say considering you can’t even make instant noodles without drying out the soup too much.” You huff. “That was one time and I was distracted because you were parading around the house naked.” “Yeah, you like that huh?” “Oh shut up.” 

Jungkook’s laughter feels like a snug embrace, keeping you safe from the chaos of the world around you. His head drops to your lap and he welcomes your touch, tracing figures over his skin. “You’re so mean tonight. Giving my cooking so much flak.” “Oh baby, I love your cooking.” He sighs. “It reminds me that no matter how perfect someone is, they have to suck at one thing.” Yelping at the onslaught of pinches on his side, Jungkook flails about, reaching for your hand. Leaving the comfort of your thigh, he gets to his knees, now gripping both your wrists and sending a kiss to your scowl as he gets behind you, crossing your arms over your body. Back resting against him now, legs clipping you tight between him, he forcefully keeps you pressed against him, keeping your arms down. “You’re strong.”

“You’re annoying.” 

His cheek rests against your head, ignoring the squirming till you give up. “You laugh, but you’re gonna miss it.” “Yeah.” He says, a little calmer. “I will, actually.” With your back against his chest, you feel the thumping of his heart, comforting and calming. There’s a comfortable silence that falls around the two of you. “How…how long do you think it’ll take?” You ask the uncertain. “I don’t know.” He says, loosening his grip when you shift to get comfortable. “Trials usually take years to even proceed with.” “Years.” You echo it to yourself. You straighten up, so you can shift between his feet to face him slightly. He doesn’t let go of the chance to press his lips to your cheek. “Isn’t it unfair? We’ve only just got the chance to be together again…like normal people.” “I’ve never done long distance before.” You say, and you feel the shift of his head as he smiles. “What?” “Long distance.” You repeat. “That’s what we’re gonna be till you’re back.” Jungkook swells with confidence at this new way of putting it. “I like that.” You smile shyly. “Did you know that 60% of long distance relationships work out? The key is communication.” “Someone’s done their research.” Jungkook’s tickled by your sudden announcement. “You’re cute. Communication’s gonna be a little hard though.” “You’ll write to me, won’t you?” “Of course.” 

Sighing, you recall the rules Namjoon had gone through with you about communication. Strictly none allowed. But, he’s willing to allow letters. They’d have to go through them though, and will be read through before handing over to each of you. “I’ll write to you every month.” Jungkook says. “It’ll probably take weeks for it to reach you anyway, and to wait for you to respond.” “I’ll keep you updated on what’s going on here.” “There is a problem though.” “What?” You turn to him with his brows furrowed and deep in thought. He blinks. “How will you send nudes?” You shove his face, enough you send him flying back and he laughs, falling to the grass. “Irritating.” He jolts himself back up, peppering you with apology kisses and you accept them willingly, tilting your head enough for him to sneak down your neck as he sways your bodies side to side. “But you know I was thinking,” he kisses, “if you do want to press pause⎼” You freeze, wondering if you heard that right. “I’m just saying, we don’t know when I’ll be back. And I wouldn’t want to hold you back if you end up meeting someone that you think you’d hit it off with.” Jungkook looks at the back of your head, unmoving, and wonders if you were considering it. “Of course, I don’t want that. I love you but I also want you to be happy and if that means⎼” Your palm comes into contact with his cheek. It was a slap, but so gentle and soft that he wonders if it even happened. You do it again, more like a tap this time. “How could you say that? You think I could ever be happy with someone else?” “I don’t want to hold you back.” “Then you should’ve let me go before we got serious.” A little hurt flashes across his face. “After everything, you still think I’d rather be with someone else?” You say softly, caressing his cheeks, eyes softening with concern. “You’re my boyfriend. I love you. Only you.” He smiles just a little. “Sorry. It was just a suggestion.” “A terrible one.” You throw yourself into him, wrapping around his neck. “I can never be happy with anyone else but you.” “Really?” “You silly goose.” Jungkook visibly relaxes in your arms, feeling idiotic to have even brought that up. The night goes on as you lay there in each other’s arms, looking up at the night sky as opposed to the light show. Grey clouds inch towards where you are, slowly hiding the moon away from you. Jungkook stares at your side, taking in this view of you. When you do the same, Jungkook moves in to plant a kiss, savouring it till thunder starts to rumble above you. Just as you make it back to the car where Jaemin rests, it starts to drizzle. Jaemin turns in his seat, frowning when Jungkook pauses by the open door. He turns his back to the car and sees you standing a foot behind him with your palm up to the sky, letting the raindrops touch your skin. Stepping away from the car, standing before you, wet strands of hair sticks to his face. And as the rain gets heavier, the two of you seem to share the same thought. His hand clutches yours, giggling as the two of you make a run for it, ignoring the yells coming from the car. Back up the hill, in the open space, Jungkook and you dance and frolic around in the rain, laughing your hearts out gleefully. He lifts you in his arms, spinning you in circles as you extend your arms out, welcoming the rain as it washes all your sorrows away. He sets you down gently, and you brush the hair away from his face. “You make me so happy.” You say over the rain. “I love you more than anything.” “I love you too baby. You're my whole world.” Jungkook says, grabbing your hand in his. “I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.” Jungkook kisses you fervently in the rain, drenched and shivering, with nothing left to lose. 

⎼

Trees sway in the wind, and lighting flashes occasionally followed by the rumbling of thunder in the distance as the storm continues to pour down. The heavy rain caused a massive traffic jam below, but thankfully you managed to return before getting caught in it. In the comfort of the apartment, warm and dry, the lamp in the corner casts a dim orange hue perfect for a cozy night. Jungkook’s lips move gently against yours, knuckles grazing your cheek tenderly as his arm keeps you steady around the waist. Your hips sway against his, fueling the tent growing under his sweats. Lips slightly sore and swollen, his doe eyes stare into yours when you break the kiss, resting his head against the headboard behind. The bittersweet feeling of having to part from you, something he’d been suppressing, starts creeping into his heart, Finger tracing over his lips, his eyes fall shut as you go over his features; his eyes, nose, cheekbones, jaw. Your touch always does something to him, something so calming and natural about the way you move against him, even if it’s just the touch of a finger. The arm around you instinctively pulls you closer, just so your bodies meet, making it easier to capture you in another kiss, one much hungrier than before. Out of breath from his intensity, you pull away to calm yourself. But Jungkook doesn’t stop, pushing off from the headboard, leaning forward to press kisses to your cheek, trailing over your jaw and down to your neck. The moment he finds your sweet spot, your thighs squeeze around him in response and he hums against your skin when you start to rock your hips against him. His hands slide up your sides, tugging your camisole along with them up and over your head, exposing your bare breasts to the cool air. Rough hands cup them in his palm, thumb grazing over your erect nipples, and your body twitches at the sensation. You bite your bottom lip as he takes one of your tits in his mouth while kneading the other. When he takes a nipple between his teeth, your hip bucks in response, and he groans at the friction. Flips your positions, he now hovers above you, fitting nicely between your legs. His shirt comes off easily much to your delight, hands grazing over his chest. The dim light casts shadows over his body, giving him an ethereal glow. Jungkook grins at the obvious excitement in your expression, finding it absolutely adorable how you can’t hide the rise of your cheekbones, choosing to hide behind a tight-lipped smile. “You like that, huh?” His mouth hovers over yours, whispering against your lips while his hands snake down your body, and under your shorts.

You hum when his fingers fondle over your folds, and you return the favour, hand slipping past the hem of his sweats, exhaling at the sudden contact of your palm to his cock. Foreheads sticking to each other, Jungkook sucks in a breath as you rub against him. Two fingers slip inside you, and you lose all focus, gripping his cock, unmoving. Fingers slipping in and out of you keeps you distracted as you try to chase that high. The curve of his fingers hit the right spot each time, having memorised you well. Delighted at your response but protesting your lack of movement, he takes it upon himself and bucks his hips, fucking into your grip. Jungkook pauses, and your heart sinks at the loss. As he peels your hand off him, Jungkook tugs down your shorts, sucking in a breath at the glistening sight before him. Legs now spread before him, Jungkook slips four fingers into your dripping hole, cock twitching at the way you writhe. Sheets balled up in your fists, your chest heaves as you feel the rush of adrenaline flowing through you, and it only takes the thrilling sensation of Jungkook’s warm breath on your cunt, sucking on your clit, to have you seeing stars. Your sweet moans fill the room as you ride his face, bucking your hips wildly. Jungkook licks every last bit of your cum, giving your cunt a kiss before sliding up to let you taste yourself. Jungkook gets on his knees and you watch as he removes his sweats, cock springing up proudly against his abs. Finding the strength to sit up, crawling towards him, your doe eyes look up at him for permission. “Fuck.” He can never say no. Not when you look so pretty. Just at the sight of you, his cock starts to throb. It twitches the moment you start with a kiss to the base of his shaft. Taking your time, you plant sloppy kisses along his length till you get to the top. And the moment your mouth wraps around his tip, Jungkook’s body melts into the mattress, heat rushing through him, rewarding you with his sensual moans. He watches how his cock disappears into your mouth as you take in his entire length. Fingers wrap around your hair as he gently rocks his hips against you. He watches how his cock disappears into your mouth as you take the entirety of his length. His fingers wrap around your hair, as he gently moves his hips against you. “Oh baby⎼” A rush flows through his veins when you look up at him. Both hands now covering his length, twisting your wrists as you pump, your mouth pays special attention to his tip. His hips buck up in reflex, and you almost gag from the sudden movement, but recover quickly. A guttural sound escapes him and he pulls your head back, slowly removing himself from you, then tapping his cock against your tongue as his pre-cum leaks all over it. “Good girl.” He purrs, and his cock glistens as you lick every last bit of him. Sitting back, Jungkook lets you climb on top, positioning your entrance with his dick. With his hands on your hips, easing you down, your thighs tremble as his tip enters, letting out a sweet moan as you lower yourself down all the way. Jungkook doesn’t realise how he holds his breath as he watches you take all of him, and he lets you have a moment, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips when he sees the pure look of ecstasy on your face. As you start to move, he’s hypnotised by the sway of your hips, the bounce of your tits and the blissed out expression on your face. A goddess in his eyes, it forces him to sit up, sucking the skin against your collarbone. Palms on the bed to keep him steady, Jungkook leans back to watch the way you move, and you heat up under his gaze. 

He can’t keep his hands off you, running them across your soft skin, wanting to touch every inch of you and claim your body as his alone. Thrusting his hips up while you grind, reaching deeper each time, you gasp at every time he manages to hit the spot. A loud smack echoes as his palms land against your ass, and you yelp out in pain and pleasure, disrupting your flow as your hips twitch, and he growls at the feeling of your walls clenching around him. You giggle as you fall forward, struggling to stay up, using his chest to support you. He glows at the sound of your laughter, watching you hover over him with your faces barely touching. “Do it again.” As you say it with such innocence, yet sensual tone, Jungkook thinks he might go crazy. His arm wraps around your waist as he lands another smack, and you jump, bouncing down onto his cock, nails digging into his shoulders. “Like that?” You nod, embarrassed at the request and your body’s reaction. But Jungkook can’t get enough of it, the strangled whimpers you make as his palm meets the skin of your ass again, and again and again⎼ till you cry out, shaking as you cum, convulsing around his cock and he rolls his hips to let you ride it out, tenderly rubbing the sore spot on your ass. Warm, sticky liquid flows down his hard cock and you bite your lip bashfully. But it turns him on even more. Your back drops to the mattress, and the two of you are separated momentarily, till you feel him prodding against your entrance once again. Jungkook’s heart races when you smile at him, suddenly reminded of that ache in his chest. You gasp when he slides in, easily this time. Hands caging you in on each side, Jungkook brushes away the hairs sticking to your face as he starts with long and slow strokes, fully absorbed in the erotic sounds you make, with sensual eyes staring up at him. His pretty eyes sparkle above you, staring deep into yours, memorising every bit of detail. His gaze drops down to where your bodies connect, the gentle thrusts of his hips against yours, your hips rolling up in sync, where you become one with each other. The ache in his chest grows, threatening to spill out, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. But then you pull him in for a kiss, slow and intimate, lips melting with each other, and the ache manifests into something more familiar, the intense adoration he holds for you, wanting to worship your very being. You taste a hint of saltiness in the kiss, and then realise the stray tear fallen down his face. Your thumb caresses his cheek with concern, and he leans into your touch, whispering, “I love you.” It pierces deep into your soul, intoxicating you with thoughts of him and only him. A garden blooms in your chest, fueled by your feelings for him. Time seems to stop in that moment, and you drown in his eyes, choking on your love, heart pounding in your ears. Only you and Jungkook exist in this moment, souls tied together by an invisible string. He is yours. And you are his. Forever. Jungkook picks up the pace in his thrusts, and your legs wrap around him, allowing him to hit deeper. Skin sticking to each other, with your arms around his shoulders to keep him close, your bodies heat up, hearts beating against the other. Jungkook peppers kisses on your chest, mouthing against your nipples while you moan at every thrust. He starts to feel the clenching of your walls, groaning at the way it sucks his cock in every time. “Baby…” you whisper, hands on his chest. “Yeah?” He kisses the crook of your neck. “What is it, my love?” Overwhelmed by a wave of emotions, they rush through your body, tears forming in your eyes. Memories of your time with him come to mind. From the very first time you saw him at the cafe, your first kiss, to the time he took a bullet for you, and everything in between.

Jungkook captures your lips in a kiss, in an effort to soothe you, but it only adds fuel to the fire burning in the pit of your core. He picks up on it, pushing himself up to grab your hips, angling it in the way he knows would hit the spot that has your eyes rolling back. Pounding into you harder, a string of moans from you makes his dick twitch inside. The tension in his core tells him he’s close, and he digs into the flesh of your hips. You reach for him, and Jungkook presses your bodies together once again, maintaining his pace as he rolls his hips with yours. “Jungkook,” you murmur, breath hitching. Your mouth parts, and chest starts heaving, and he knows you’re close. You force your eyes open as you feel it coming, cupping the side of his face as tears stream down yours. “I love you too.” You gasp as the tension snaps, legs shaking around him and body shivering as you dig your nails into his shoulders, orgasm spilling out of you in waves. As you convulse around him, mixed with the lewd sounds coming out of you, you feel the throbbing of Jungkook’s cock, and seconds later with a strangled moan against your ear, Jungkook spurts warm liquid inside of you, mixing with your own cum. The sound of his breathing is all you can hear apart from the throbbing of your head, as he rests his head next to yours, body warm and heavy on top of you. Arms around his middle, you kiss his shoulders where you’d left marks from before. Jungkook’s disheveled hair, half-lidded eyes and silly smile greets you when he finally gets the energy to lift his head. Your body shivers as he removes himself, still sensitive to the touch. He lies down on his side, next to you, wiping the tear stains off your cheeks. Neither of you say a word, knowing all there is to say has been said. You press your head to his chest, listening to the sound of his heart, beating in rhythm with yours.

⎼

The storm carried on till morning, now simmered down to a drizzle, and the skies remain cloudy and gloomy. In the car, next to Jungkook, your head rests on his shoulder, hugging his arm with your fingers interlaced. Every now and then his hand would squeeze yours, grounding him in the moment. It’s a long drive, though you were thankful for the morning traffic, giving you a little extra time with him. Neither of you barely got any rest last night, just laying in each other’s arms, eventually dozing off close to sunrise. The car drives out of the city, onto a long stretch of a highway. It finally turns down an exit with minimal other cars going in the same direction, driving ahead where greenery slowly turns into open land, dry and deserted. The other cars drive past as the car slows down nearing a rest stop, pulling up into the parking lot, void of others. It’s the only building for miles and miles, a diner in the middle of nowhere. Jaemin lowers his window slightly, awaiting a thumbs up from the waitress through the side window of the diner, before pulling up into a slot. It must be their own people. While the rain had stopped as you left the city, the clouds seemed to have followed you here, gathering above and announcing their presence with the rumble of thunder. Droplets of water begin to race down the windows as it starts to rain again. “The others should be here soon.” Jaemin says, checking his phone. You look at Jungkook, smiling at him as you contemplate on saying your goodbye right here. He pulls you in a hug, nestling his head on your shoulder and memorising your scent. The act alone brings tears to your eyes, knowing it’ll be one of the last times you’ll be in his arms for a while. But you pull yourself together, “It’ll be okay.” You whisper, and he nods. Soon, two other cars enter the lot, five minutes apart. The door slides open and Namjoon steps out, nodding to the driver and Jaemin before sliding the door to your car. “Good morning.” He exhales, extending a hand out to Jungkook, helping him out. Two other agents stand beside them, holding up big black umbrellas, sheltering them from the rain. From the other car, Namjoon gestures towards the rest, and Jungkook sees the familiar faces of his friends, each happy to see him. Bracing himself, he swallows the lump in his throat, glancing back momentarily when he feels your touch on his back, encouraging him. 

“I’m kinda nervous but here goes,” he heaves out, looking around at the three of them. “Thanks for coming down to see me, I know this was super last minute, and I don't have much time, but I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around, and for being my friends, back then and now.” “Things have been crazy the last few months; I got shot, almost died, my girlfriend got kidnapped,” he shakes his head and the others chuckle, “it’s just been a lot, and I’m sorry for getting you guys involved in any way.” “As you’ve all heard, I'm gonna be away for some time.” He pauses when you sniff, sneaking a glance at you. “For how long, I don’t know. And unfortunately, it’ll be off the grid, so you won’t be able to reach me until I eventually come back. If I come back. We don’t know what the future will hold so⎼” Jungkook falters backwards when Hana rushes in for a hug, a tissue crumpled in her fist. “We’ll be waiting.” He wraps his arms around her shoulder, and she pulls away, dabbing the tissue against her eyes. “Take care, okay? Come back safe.” “Of course. Thanks Hana.” Jungkook sighs as he turns to you, tearing up after seeing her do the same. “I know she’s really stubborn and all, sorry I won’t be there to keep her in check, you’re just gonna have to deal with it I guess.” You land a punch on his back and they laugh. “Look after her for me?” “I definitely will.” There’s a sad smile on her face as she shakes his hand, before stepping to your side, rubbing a hand on your back. Jimin steps forward, lips quivering, the area around his eyes slightly red from crying. “My baby boy.” He says, cupping the side of Jungkook’s face. This time, Jungkook doesn’t even mind, smiling in response. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” His voice goes up an octave as he pulls Jungkook in for a hug, patting Jungkook’s head like he’s the one crying. “Me too, hyung.” Jungkook grins. “Gonna miss your constant barging into my personal space.” “I know you will.” He nods, making Jungkook laugh. “You take care. Eat well. Watch all those shows I’ve been asking you to.” “Sure.” “Don’t roll your eyes at me.” “I didn’t⎼” “You’re doing it right now.” Jungkook sucks in a breath, a familiar irritation brewing, something Jimin is an expert at bringing out. Jimin laughs at the glare he receives, messing up Jungkook’s hair. “Sorry. I just had to one last time before you go.” Jungkook visibly relaxes, laughing along with him, and extending his arms for another hug. Hoseok smiles where he stands watching them. When Jungkook turns to him next, he walks up to the younger boy and they face each other for a beat, neither knowing how to navigate this awkward situation. “Come on guys,” Namjoon motions for the rest to get inside, “let’s give them a moment.” When the door slides shut behind him, Hoseok shakes his head, “You idiot.” Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise, till he sees the smile growing  on Hoseok’s face. “You should’ve told us sooner.” “I didn’t know how to…” Jungkook shrugs, “It’s like I keep bringing everyone bad news.” “We care about you, you know that right?” Jungkook swallows a lump in his throat. Hearing that from Hoseok is something else. “I⎼” “Even if it is bad news, we’d want to know. So we can help you.” He smiles. “You’re not alone in this life, Jungkook. You have us.” Hands trembling, and failing to stop the tears from racing down his cheeks, Jungkook sniffs, wiping his face with his sleeve. Hoseok extends his hand and Jungkook takes it only to be pulled into a hug. It’s unnatural at first, until Hoseok pats his head. He gets the same feeling he got when they were talking on the roof; a hint of nostalgia, the same feeling he used to have as a child when he spent time with his sister. His body eases into Hoseok’s hold. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m sorry for everything.”

“Stop that.” Hoseok orders, though he’s breaking out into tears as well. “I mean it. I caused a lot of trouble.” Jungkook sniffs. “Thanks for always looking out for me, and thinking of me. You’re…you’re the big brother I never had.” Hoseok’s grip tightens as the words come out of his mouth. He wishes there was more he could do, part of him still feeling guilty over how things went down between them. “Stupid Jungkook.” He giggles when he pulls away. Jungkook’s glossy eyes and red nose, and Hoseok’s tear stained face makes the other laugh. They wipe their faces bashfully. “You come back soon, okay?” Jungkook nods. “I have to ask you a favour.” Hoseok tilts his head in question. “While I’m gone, please look after her.” Jungkook glances back, though he can’t see you through the tinted windows. “She has a knack for getting into trouble. And if anyone, I think you’ll be able to keep her out of it. I trust you.” “Of course.” Hoseok grins. “But only while you’re away. After that, I’m gonna have to start charging for babysitting services.” Jungkook nods, chuckling. “But if you so much as try to make another move on her, just know that I’m gonna beat you up.” Hoseok laughs, and it’s the first time Jungkook thinks he’s ever heard his laugh, now realising how warm it makes him feel. “Don’t worry.” He takes a more serious tone. “Everything will be fine here, just know that we’ll all be waiting for your return.” “Thank you.” The rain starts to get heavier, and Jungkook gestures towards the car as he slides the door open. “You should get inside. It’s starting to really pour.” Namjoon and you exit the car as Hoseok slips inside. You grab hold of his hand as another car enters the lot, Namjoon with a knowing smile directed at you. “There’s someone else who needs to say goodbye.” Jungkook tilts his head adorably, rubbing his red nose. He eyes the car, which stops next to the ones you’re standing in between. Namjoon gets the door, bringing the umbrella along. Jungkook watches as he comes back around, with someone else walking closely next to him. His eyes go wide. Disregarding the rain, she runs right into Jungkook’s arms, hugging him tight. Still processing it, he tilts his head to make sure he’s seeing this right, before wrapping around her shoulders. “Mia! How’d you⎼” “I called her.” You say. “Told her everything.” “What the hell.” She slams her fist onto his chest, while still resting her head on him. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Jungkook chuckles. “About which part?” “Everything.” She says, pulling away, wiping her eyes. “Why did you carry that burden all by yourself? You should’ve told me. I could’ve helped you.” “I couldn’t put you at risk like that.” “Of course you couldn’t.” Jungkook touches the part of her head where a bandage is. He sighs. “I’m fine now.” “Of course you are.” He chuckles, an adoring look on his face. “I’m glad you’re okay. Now that we’re free, promise me you’ll get into college, and find a good, safe job.” Mia smiles though she struggles to keep her lips upturned. “I’ll try my best. When will you be back?” “Not sure. It’ll be a while.” Her shoulders slump in resignation. “Do you really have to go?” She turns to Namjoon who presses his lips into a thin line and shrugs. “I have to.” Jungkook sighs. “But don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.” “I know.” Mia nods. “I’m gonna miss you, boss.” “I’m not your boss now,” he raises his palms, “you’re on your own kid.” She giggles. “I’m gonna miss you. Thanks for always looking out for me. I owe you.” “No you don’t. Go live your life.” Jungkook pulls her in for another hug. “I’ll miss you too.”

As another car pulls up, the agents start moving around you. As Mia joins the others in the car, Namjoon gestures towards Jungkook, making your heart race, hands slipping into his, squeezing tight. “We’re ready.” He says, speaking to the both of you. “I’ll go with you about halfway. You’ll be handed over to Jaemin and the local handler after.” Jungkook nods, turning towards his friends. It feels surreal, looking at the four pairs of eyes watching him with a mixture of fondness, despair and solemness. “It’s time. I have to go now. I um, really enjoyed the dinner we had, and when I come back, I really hope we can do that again, if you guys like.” “We’ll hold you to that.” Hoseok says. Everyone wishes him their last goodbyes and hugs, and he looks at you, nodding. Hand in hand, you walk with him towards the car parked on the opposite side of the lot. While you have made peace with it, you can’t help the tears that stream down your face. Jungkook’s cold hands come up to the side of your face. “I’m sorry.” Shaking your head, your hands fix his jacket, pulling it tighter around him and placing your hands on his chest. “Is it too late to request for me to come with you?” His eyes crinkle at the corners. “I told you to get in my suitcase.” You laugh, and he gently grabs on to your hands, holding them up between you. Your finger brushes against the metal around one of his, a familiar ring which catches your attention. “Do you want your ring back?” “No,” you suck in a breath, pulling out the necklace with the ring he gave you, clutching it in your fist. “You said we’d exchange this when we’re free to be with each other.” “We are free to be together.” He grins, “Just very very far apart.” You shove him playfully. “Keep that. It’ll keep you safe. A piece of me to have with you.” “Baby, you’re always with me. In here.” He points to his heart and smile widens at the way your nose scrunches up. “Silly.” His laugh dies down eventually, and you can hear the time ticking, counting down to the exact moment you’d have to part. “You know how much you mean to me right?” Jungkook says, running his tongue over his lips that have suddenly gone dry. “As much as you mean to me.” You nod. His lips quiver, and you see that little boy from a small town, losing his sister, having to leave his family in pursuit of somewhere to call home. The scared little boy who only wanted somewhere he belonged. “I love you so much Jungkook.” You say, clutching his hands. “I love you too, Y/N.” With your arms wrapped around each other, you let the warm tears stream down your face. He tilts his head to kiss you, soft and gentle, melting his lips into yours. With one last look at you, he breaks away, leaving only your intertwined hands. Behind him, Namjoon stands with his back towards you, sheltering the two of you with an umbrella. He slides the door open, a cheerless smile on his face as he turns to you. Pressing his lips to your forehead, soothing the ache in your heart, and his, Jungkook’s hand slowly slips away from yours. The emptiness you already feel, physically and emotionally, takes the breath out of your lungs. Hana hugs you tight in the car, wiping the tear stains off your face. As you’re about to leave, your cars stop right next to each other just before exiting the rest stop, about to head in opposite directions. The windows roll down, both yours and his. Hair blowing in the wind, he flashes his charming smile, one that you've ingrained into your memory. I love you. He mouths. As the cars inch forward, turning into opposite directions, Jungkook blows you a kiss, and you to him.

From the rear window, his car carries on down the long road ahead, eventually disappearing from sight, dragging your heart along with it.

⎼

Hi my love, I hope you’re well! I’ve settled in nicely here. I wish I could tell you more but you-know-who’s looking over my shoulder right now, reminding me about the million things I should be careful about while writing this, and is annoying me to death. Other than that, it’s not too bad. Although I’m already missing you terribly. They say I’m gonna have to look for a job and I’m kinda nervous. I’ve never been to a job interview before. And I’d have to wear a tie! I think it’s ridiculous but you’d like that though, wouldn’t you? Miss you. Hope you’re eating well, staying warm and out of trouble. I hope everyone else is okay too. Please give them my regards, will you? I’ll talk to you soon. Love, J.K. P.S. send nudes.

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taglist:

@simp4tae @alpharyth​ @sarangtaurus @hobistruly @bubbless-world@drumsofheaven @kookxin​ @fan-ati--c @sojurmaine @kookiiieee @jenryu @somewhereinthestarss @taehyungiev13 @hobi-hobii @unicornbabylover​ @lilyflowerguk @adorablekoo @hobicomeholla29 @jjkyy @che-er-ful @giadalin​ @vminwildin @jiimiinsii @uskookie @sevgidgn​ @thenewjefferson @vampgguk @jksbbyfacebunny @finethepine @thehappygrungelife @callmejimmeo @storms-and-stars-blog​ @ladiesalute​ @rikaxyu @loveykookie @jjk1iscoming @hyyhpt2 @xgoodsoupx @cherryblossom73​ @shatzkrinslinzki @kazthebrekkerofinej @shydestinyyouth @parksugarbaby @ricedelune @jbbunny @kittygangbngtn @ohitssummer @bunnyeogguk​ @xtrataerrestrial @vmmnkooksgyu @chaoticbisous @jeonninja @investedreader​ @b4ngtnies @athenakyle​ @shatzkrinslinzki @nostalgicv ​​@charmerkook @rrosiitas @vanilla-sky01

[smittenmeraki]

I have so many random ideas of Andreil being found out by the media in the strangest ways. My personal fav so far is them going pro and being on different teams. They end up playing against each other and everyone starts to think their rivals because Andrew keeps launching the ball at Neils helmet. After like 7 headshots from across the court Neil swears at him in german something along the lines of "I know you're doing that on purpose quit being a bitch for the sake of your entertainment or I swear I will empty your candy drawer" and of course Andrew's just there with his blank expression leaning on his racket, knowing Neil will forget all about it when they're home. However, all the fans see is Andrew targeting Neil over and over no matter where he is on the court so everyone thinks they hate each other until some weeks later an article is released with pictures of them grocery shopping together. Andrew is in the cart eating candy he hasn't even bought yet while Neil scans the aisle with a hand in Andrews hair. Another picture of them loading everything into the car, Andrew with a hand on Neils waist as he opens the backdoor. The article is titled something like "rivals or lovers : a deep dive into their history" and it brings up points like Andrew protecting Neil from Riko and Neil getting Andrew to shut down the goal with just a few words (ones no one knows), but also points of them shoving each other and getting in each others faces (tbh they were just flirting but from an outside prospective it was violence because they are never normal) all of the fan theories come to a head when Neil gets interviewed.

"What is your thoughts on the rumors about you and Minyard?"

"Rumors?"

"Yes, the ones about you two being teammates turned rivals turned lovers. Many fans are speculating what your relationship is and several articles have become very popular over it."

"We were never rivals??" Neil is absolutely lost at this idea, complete confusion.

"Really? Never once over the years?"

"No? And what articles? I don't understand how this has anything to do with Exy."

"Its about your career in the sense that Andrew Minyard has been a challenge for you." Neil smiles at the idea of Andrew being a challenge. "There was a really big article that shared some photos of you two together at a grocery store. It's rather unusal to see you two in a domestic setting, can you tell us about that? Many are wondering why you shop together." The first photo is pulled up on the big screen and Neil just stares for a moment, unsure of when it was taken.

"1. Its creepy that that was taken without us knowing. 2. I don't know what you want me to tell you, Andrew's not allowed out of the cart because he's a mence to shop with or maybe he refuses to let me go alone because I constantly forget things. Its just normal every day life, same as everyone else. 3. Because we live together?? I still don't see the relevance any this has to Exy. Many spouses go against each others teams, it's a part of being pro's."

"Spouses? So you are confirming you and Minyard are married?"

"Not on paper. Fundamentally yes. I thought this interview was supposed to be about how our season is going?" Neil sits back, baffled but also slightly smug from the look of shock on the interviewers face.

Meanwhile Andrew is at home with the cats eating a tub of ice cream while watching the interview thinking to himself 'yeah, fucking tell her. Noisy ass drama seeker.'

[burningembers91]

Back Alley Bar - Seong Gi-Hun x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: Seong Gi-Hun has given up on life, given up on himself. But for some reason, the pretty girl who serves him drinks still thinks he can be saved.

Seong Gi-Hun was a typical example of “like father, like son.” He was unreliable, he was selfish, he was sneaky and a liar. He was the spitting image of his father, and his father before him; a complete and utter lowlife. His marriage had crumbled, his wife and daughter had left him to start a new life in America, and his mother was recently deceased. She’d passed away on the floor of their living room while Gi-Hun gambled away the money he could have used to save her life. 

He didn’t deserve to live, didn’t deserve to still be breathing when his mother wasn’t. She had given everything to her son, forgiven him time and time again. She had been the epitome of patient, always giving him another chance to redeem himself. Gi-Hun didn’t deserve redemption, and while he waited for the devil to collect his dues, he would slowly drink himself into the abyss. 

That was where he’d met you, in some dive bar in a back alley, slumped over the bar with a whiskey in his hand. You were there working part time, using the cash to pay for a university degree. Every shift you worked, Gi-Hun was there, drinking himself into a stupor. Most nights you’d call him a cab home, but some nights you’d drive him home yourself, idly making conversation as you drove through the dark Seoul streets. He rarely responded, but you never gave up. You’d seen more than your fair share of shit in your time as a bartender, but you’d never seen anyone as broken as Gi-Hun. Whatever had happened to him, it must have been bad. You weren’t even sure if he knew who you were; he was so drunk most of the time it was miracle he could remember anything about the previous night. But he knew who you were; you were one piece of light in his dark, dark world. 

He knew you thought he wasn’t listening when you chatted to him in the car on the way home. But he remembered everything you said to him. How you were bartending on top of working full time as a teacher to save up to go back to university. How you’d just broken up with your boyfriend, but you didn’t really mind because he’d been a prick anyway. How your dream was to become a historian, but you were worried you were too old to change career. 

“Why do you do this?” He mumbled one night, as you walked with him to your beaten up, rust bucket of a car. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, throwing your bag into the back before climbing into the drivers side. 

“Why do you help me? I’m no one. I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“You are not no one.” You turned to look at him in the passenger seat, resisting the urge to touch his cheek. This man was so broken, and you had no idea how to help him. 

“I’ve done bad things,” he whispered, “I’ve hurt people. I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve cheated.”

You took a deep breath, staring out of the windscreen as rain began to fall, battering the concrete around you. 

“It’s never too late to make a change,” you said, although you knew all too well how that was easier said than done. 

Gi-Hun laughed bitterly. “Changing now won’t bring my mother back from the dead. It won’t bring my daughter back from America. It won’t make my wife come back to me.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you stayed silent. How did you help a man who was so broken, so beyond repair? 

As you dropped him off outside his dilapidated apartment, you called to him through the sound of the pouring rain. 

“I’m not giving up on you, Seong Gi-Hun!” You smiled at him, and even through his drunken haze he could tell what a beautiful smile it was. He would never understand why you helped him, would never understand why you’d decided he was worth saving. Everyone had given up on him, but for some reason you wouldn’t. 

A woman like you didn’t need a man like him. You needed someone who could care for you, who wouldn’t leave you broken into pieces as he’d left everyone he’d cared about. But your words echoed in his head as he drifted off to sleep. “You’re not no one. It’s never too late to change.”

Maybe you were right; maybe there was still time to atone for his sins.

[zomboivex]

Duality of Deception

A character study of Tohma Ishibashi

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Sections

Notes & Disclaimers

Basic Information Breakdown

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

The Story So Far

What May Come to Pass

Overview

Final Author Notes

Credits & Sources

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Notes & Disclaimers

Another super long post incoming here! A few gentle reminders that I do this primarily for fun and do not make any profit from these posts. What I write here are simply from things I’ve found and took from the story provided. They may be debunked or inaccurate in some instances but I still think it’s fun to do deeper dives into characters. If you disagree or don’t like what I’ve written here, that’s completely fine. Just don’t be hostile towards me about it.

A lot of this really is just fun speculation on my part. So I don’t really expect any of what I say to come to pass. It’s just a nice in-depth look of characters from a game I enjoy.

If you read this entire post, be sure to let me know what your thoughts are! I love having in depth discussions with others. If I seem to have misunderstood something or missed complexities, due to not growing up with Japanese culture, feel free to let me know!

Additionally, I do plan on eventually doing this for all the ghouls in the game. It takes a while to do these posts so if you’re looking forward to a certain character, it’ll come. Eventually. Maybe.

Anyways! I’ve rambled enough! Enjoy the deep dive!

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Basic Information Breakdown

Marketed Mastermind

Tohma Ishibashi is a multifaceted character that has been marketed towards us, the consumer, as someone who has many fingers in the pot. He’s seen as conniving, secretive, and willing to get his hands dirty in pursuit of his goals.¹ He keeps his own interests close to his chest, revealing his truth to no one in the process. The game, even in multiple mentioning of him, goes out of its way to paint Tohma as a Mastermind. Capable of deceiving those around him while leaving his true intentions unclear to everyone- including the reader.

Tohma has been described as calm and collected with an insidious glint in his eye¹ as well as the card names even hinting at this darker nature such as; Contrived Smile or Watchful Shadow. Even in his actions and responses in the game, we see Tohma painted as a man who has ulterior motives and works within the shadows- meeting in secret with a house that his own allegedly has discourse with or getting into heated conversations with other house vice-captains while giving scathing commentary to MC.

Even with all of this, Tohma constantly reminds Jin that he can trust and rely on him. And even his actions state this to be true thus far. Working in ways to benefit Jin and helping his stigma issue remain a secret. Tohma also regularly reports to Jin and seems to even share warnings that his secrets cannot be kept forever.

So the question begs…

Can we trust Tohma?

It’s In the Name

Names are usually given from the aspirations the parents have for their children. Or at least, it’s easy to believe this. As far as characters go, it’s usually a way to tell what the characters journey will be in their story. Tohma’s name is just as complex as he is, showing that he could be either a hindrance or a help to others. That he has the duality of being both good and bad- leaving his intentions unclear to us, the readers.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s take a look at his name.

Tohma [塔真] - tower + truth/reality ²

Ishibashi [磴] - stone steps/stone bridge ²

Focusing on tower, for now, we can go over a few different meanings for this symbolism.

Having your movements restricted and horizons limited can be troubling for many- towers representing this in both a physical and mental realm of reality. For the physical representation, it can manifest in the form of material possessions you gain over time and now feel the need to protect. For the mental representation, it manifests through stubborn behaviors or mannerisms or remaining ‘close minded’. Both of these limiting us in different manners. One causing us to have the need to protect physical items and spending all of our energy doing as such. The other chaining us to our thought patterns, unable to break free from our own way of thinking. ³

Now, I don’t believe that this necessarily fits with Tohma. Or, at least, it doesn’t seem to fit with how he is presented to us. Tohma very much is a character who seems to be unlimited in what he can accomplish due to not restricting himself to any set morals or values (that we can currently see). However, we do see that he is limited by someone who is stuck due to their circling thoughts of their own entrapment. Jin Kamurai.

Towers also hold another representation; aspiration and ambition. Their towering height showing us that, we too, can reach high with our ambitions and rise above. ⁴

This seems more along the lines of what we have seen Tohma described as. Ambitious and aspired- not worrying about getting his hands dirty in the process. He has even been described as running things in Jin’s absence.¹

Strength and stability are also key features that towers can represent. They are large, towering, and immovable objects. They have a solid foundation that allows for them to reach to the skies and reinforce the ideas that true strength does not come from isolation, but from standing firm in your own beliefs and principles. Towers invite introspection and self-assessment, urging those around them to build their own lives with the same sturdy foundations that the towers are built with. ⁴

Connecting this back to Jin, I think it is clear that Tohma represents himself as the tower in Jin’s life. It seems he is urging him to stand up and remove himself from isolation. To have Jin push his own beliefs and principles. Or- perhaps- to push the beliefs and principles that Tohma holds. Either way, I think that Tohma having his name represent ‘tower’ is very telling for his character. He seems to be the ever-looking figure in Frostheim, leading them forward and remaining rooted while making sure things do not crumble in Jin’s absence. He is the one pushing Jin to do more- despite Jin’s silent concerns of his own potential failings.

The next part we’ll focus on is the Truth/Reality of his name.

Having Tohma associated with Truth and Reality is an interesting choice on the game’s part. There are many things, within the Tokyo Denunker universe, that we do not have the full truths for. It is a mystery story that leaves us with many questions- only answering small portions and giving more questions behind.

What is the truth in Tokyo Debunker?

What is Truth and Reality in a world that has anomalies- the very thing that deviates from the ‘norm’?

And what is Truth and Reality for Tohma Ishibashi?

Tohma is painted very much as a character filled with deception. Many things in the game eluding to the fact that Tohma is not one you should find trustworthy. These will all be explored further in depth in their respective portions of this post. But it’s something to keep in mind, while reading.

But another important thing you should make note of is that despite his lack of trustworthiness, Tohma often states to Jun that he should trust him. And Jin seems to- to some degree. And I wonder why this is.

Now, onto Tohma’s family name; Ishibashi.

Stepping stones & stone bridges.

Both of these can very easily be looked at in both a connecting and disconnecting manner.

Specifically, for bridges, they can represent the transition from one state to another. The ending of a cycle and rebirth into another. As well as a desire for change. ⁵

Again, we see themes of cycles pop up in Tokyo Debunker. On my analysis of Jin Kamurai, we spoke of the Social Cycle Theory and how that tied into not only the characteristics of Jin Kamurai, but also the game, in of itself. But here, the mentions of cycle seem to indicate that they are not repeating for the sake of following in a similar or same path but a cycle that leads from one destination to a completely new destination- looking for change. For a different outcome. The emphasis falling on breaking the cycle of repeating itself and, instead, starting a new cycle that will have a different outcome.

Bridges also can symbolize the transition stages in your life, the connection between the conscious and unconscious, dangers of crossing a boundary, confidence, advancements, goals, fears, anxieties and emotional troubles. ⁵

This casts a wide net on the meaning for bridges, as it seems that the destination can vary depending on how you approach the subject. Very much like Tohma, who is complex in his duality of what he can achieve and how he goes about achieving it. He could very easily flip between being a bridge that crosses over into heaven or into hell. There is also something to be said about the phrase of burning bridges. Is Tohma the type to burn bridges? I don’t personally think so. He seems more the type to explore every avenue he can to get what he wants. But, ultimately, we don’t know what Tohma wants. All we know is that he’ll do whatever he can to reach his goals- whatever they may be.

Metaphorically speaking, bridges can be meeting points in arguments and negotiations. You build a bridge to cross challenging terrain to get from one side to another. ⁶

In our language, we use bridges often as a way to convey having discussions or negotiations with others. Phrases such as “bridging the gap” or “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” or even “burning bridges” all seem to have implications of connections with other people and how we can use our words to build or destroy those connections. By meeting others halfway, dealing with a situation once it arises rather than pre-planning, or eliminating a connection altogether. ⁶

It’s curious, then, that Ishibashi seems to strongly focus on connections with others. The same aspect easily applied with the Stepping Stones part of his name as well. Using others as a stepping stone immediately comes to mind. Which also plays into Tohma’s nature of stepping on others to reach his ambitions.

However, stepping stones can also illustrate taking steps to navigate a difficult or larger situation. Allowing you to break tasks down into smaller ‘steps’ that can be achieved in order to reach a larger goal. Stepping stones allow us to take smaller steps rather than one giant leap. Allowing for advancement at a safer and more planned pace rather than being reckless. ⁷

This can also show that Tohma carefully plans around his actions and takes things in smaller strides rather than racing to the finish line. He is meticulous in what he does- carefully crafting his plan so that he has a larger chance of success at whatever goal he is trying to reach.

I think, when putting the name together, it paints a particular picture.

Tohma is an ambitious man. One who seems to almost be a looming tower within his house- firm where he stands and ambitions high in the clouds. He seems to represent, for some, a sturdy and reliable person that empowers them due to the connections he has built with them. Namely with Jin, whom Tohma seems to have built the most communication with. We see him with Jin the most and, with Jin, he seems to have established a close enough relationship where he is entrusted with valuable information.

But is this trust something that Jin will regret?

Whatever the case is, the name heavily suggests the possibility of both. And I believe Tohma to be the type of person who will keep his options open until the absolute last minute where he will need to make a choice. And then, in his moment of truth, we will see whether he bridges the gap or burns the bridge.

Signs Within the Signature

Signatures can reveal a lot about a character. Tohma is no exception. His own signature showing various aspects of his characteristics and the duality of who he is as a person.

When you look at the signature, you can tell that it has a slight right lean. Subtle right leaning text can show signs of ambition, optimism, creativity, and vitality. ⁸

Tohma, as we have stated before, is an ambitious character who strives to meet his goals under any circumstances. It would not come as a surprise if he was creative in various ways of reaching said goals. There also has to be a level of optimism and vitality to believe you’re going to reach said goals and to actively work towards them.

Legibility for the signature is also clear. Each letter well defined and easy to read. This can indicate open and straightforwardness. ⁸

This aspect is an interesting one. Tohma is not a very open or honest person. At least, not in how the game presents him. However, Tohma, himself, may be attempting to appear as an open and straightforward person. He certainly seems to act this way towards both Jin and Alan, as both captains seem to believe his words and advice to some degree.

When the i-dot is more of a slash, it can indicate impatience or being in a rush. The i-dot in Tohma’s signature very much being similar to a slash or line than a small dot. ⁹

While Tohma is more of a particular person, he does have the tendency to also act quickly when needed. I can imagine that he is not the type that rushes into things head on without a plan- unless he has sufficient backup. But he can handle things quickly and efficiently.

Heavy pen pressure can show a strong sense of being active and having strength and energy as well as intense motions. It could also be how they felt in the moment. Tohma’s signature having thicker lines implying that his pen pressure was a bit heavier. ⁹

Tohma has been described as someone who has a lot of brute force, to begin with. And we’ve already discussed how he has quite a bit of vitality, as well. Keeping up with everything he does around Frostheim must also take up a considerable amount of energy while also maintaining missions and meeting in private with others and also working on whatever his secret goal is. Having a heavier pen pressure does not come as a surprise to me.

Baby, He Was Born This Day

Tohma was born on May 31st, slotting him as a Gemini.

Those who are born on May 31st are typically considered ‘peacemakers’. Often, they make it their goal to lead others to a satisfying conclusion with their communications. They’re able to find purpose in just about anything and can change perspectives- making sure conversations don’t dwell on unimportant or off-topic matters. ¹⁰

While Tohma has the tendency to skirt around topics and speak in a shady manner, he has the capabilities to steering others into conversations he wants to have. He’s quick to quip back and guide conversations back to the topics he wants to discuss- which we see when he interacts with Jin or MC.

Having a tendency to expect too much from those in their life, people born on May 31st can be set up against frustrating challenges. They can remain level-headed as long as they are given some quiet, secrecy, and space in their relationships. Preferring the company of those who can be silent with them and, in turn, understand their silence as well. ¹⁰

Time and time again, we see Tohma having expectations from Jin. Wanting his captain to come out of seclusion or to partake in missions. He often reminds him that he cannot keep his stigma problem a secret forever and that, eventually, it will come out to the public. He is able to remain rational through this all, never once snapping at Jin despite his outbursts at him. Keeping calm in the face of having an ash tray thrown in his direction or a sword swung in his general direction.

It seems Tohma, in turn, is allotted a lot of trust from Jin- even when he does state he distrusts him. He’s given his privacy and allowed to work in ways he deems to be the best. Secretive and working within the shadows while also remaining a frontman for Frostheim. The duality of Tohma surfacing once again.

There is a level of admiration for those whom they respect and view as moral. Spending their company with those that they deem as just. ¹⁰

Again, we see Tohma spending time with Jin quite a bit. He states that he views Jin as a kind person and lists off how Jin has helped behind the scenes. Even when he’s not active in front of others. Additionally, Tohma notes how he and Jin will benefit from one another, stating they’ve made some sort of deal. Ultimately, it seems they’re working towards a similar goal.

Individuals, such as Tohma, are proud and confident as well. Stopping at nothing in their path when they set their eyes on a goal. They are educated and rarely in a sour mood. However, they can lack the ability to connect with those in their social circle. This can lead to them having awkward or even uncomfortable moments with others. ¹⁰

Again, Tohma is typically not seen in a sour mood. He’s calm and collected, often wearing a smirk. That being said, we have also seen Tohma having some conflict with other characters. Between Leo interrupting his meeting with Alan and his very tense conversation with Haku and Rui, it’s clear that he has some very uncomfortable moments with others.

Overall, Tohma’s day of birth might not hold much significance for his character. But I think it does highlight certain aspects of his personality that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Dress to Impress

When you look at Tohma’s appearance, it’s pretty easy to tell right off the bat that he’s trying to portray himself as something other than what he truly is. Clean cut clothes with minimal color, neat hair, and a monocle to top it off. Comically, he seems to almost portray a caricature of what an extremely wealthy person may look like. But why is that?

For this section, I’m only going to focus on Tohma’s casual outfit and not any of his other outfits.

Aside from the monocle, the next noticeable thing about Tohma would be the beige on beige on beige. Okay. Not exactly all beige. But he’s wearing a lot of beige.

Beige can be considered a dependable, conservative, and flexible color. It evokes energy and strength while also coming across as intellectual and trustworthy. It’s a color that can go beyond any problems you’re facing by helping you rely on your inner strength. ¹¹

It’s telling that Tohma is wearing a color that’s commonly associated with being trustworthy. It seems this is an image that he’s trying to put out of himself- wanting to come across as someone that you can depend upon while not being overbearing.

Furthermore, if you enjoy the color beige, it’s natural for you to be welcoming to others. You prefer living a quiet lifestyle and don’t stand out in a crowd- wanting to be seen as normal. ¹¹

To emphasize further on Tohma’s attempt at masking himself as someone who belongs, it seems that wearing beige was a deliberate choice. For someone who is analytical and carefully considers their options, it would make sense for him to select a color that doesn’t stick out to wear on a more casual manner.

Beige has the ability to generate feelings of stability and reliability, creating a welcoming environment. ¹²

Again, Tohma is selective in what he wears and is careful with how he presents himself to others. Wanting to be seen as someone that can be relied upon. Fitting for someone who is a Vice-Captain while also heavily taking on the duties of his Captain in his absence. He would want to be seen as being dependable to those in his house. Especially with how much they distrust him from his switch from one house to another.

Of course, we can’t analyze Tohma’s appearance without touching on the one thing that really causes him to stick out from the crowd. His monocle.

Seen as a symbols of status, monocles were often only worn by the wealthy and elite upper classes. Due to needing to be made for a custom fit and costly materials such as gold, silver, and tortoise shells, they weren’t something the every day citizen could afford. ¹³

Additionally, monocles can also come across as a caricature of an intellectual and rich elite. They’re seen as pretentious to some, due to the ‘high class’ status that comes with owning the eyewear. So it’s fascinating that someone who painstakingly wears beige on briefs also chooses to wear something that almost seemingly mocks those he’s around- the wealthy upper-class elites of Frostheim.

The duality of this being he could be wearing it as an earnest attempt at blending in. Making himself seem more fitting to brush shoulders with aristocrats and nepo babies. Or it could be a not so subtle jab at their snobbish appearances. It’s truly hard to say.

What we can say, though, is that Tohma does seem to give his clothing some deliberate consideration.

Personally He’s Not Personable

Tohma is more focused on the tasks at hand rather than building relationships. Sure, he can be social when required. But his focus seems to be more on his job and requirements than it does on his connections with others. So much so that Tohma does not seem bothered or perturbed by the thought of masking his true intentions and personality from others to reach his goal. Keeping many of his thoughts and opinions to himself and only speaking when trying to gain something from others.

There also seems to be a more focused on working in the shadows. Tohma does not need the attention from others to feel as if he has done a good enough job. His desires stem from getting the job done and getting it done in a matter he deems to be satisfactory. He doesn’t have to bask in the praises of others- finding joy in simply doing a job well-done. Additionally, Tohma values the job being done in an efficient manner while making sure that it is done in a way that leaves no room for error. He seems to crave challenges and thrives off of solving difficult situations- such as when Jun demands him to charge forward and take down anomalies while also carrying a child.

All that being said, Tohma is also a rather reliable person. So long as your interests align. He seems to put his best foot forward, keeping face even when a situation seems difficult or faces with aggression. He remains calm under most circumstances and seems to act as if he always has the upper hand. Even when put in a surprising situation, such as when Leo tricks him and Alan into meeting one another, Tohma still manages to come out not losing much in the situation. Alan still trusts him, despite Leo’s protests and Leo still has very limited information on what it is, exactly, Alan and Tohma are meeting up and discussing.

Still, it’s quite clear that Tohma is not a personable person. Even on his character profile, his ‘Likes’ are marked as N/A.¹ He picks uninspired clothes- aside from the jabbing monocle, and he keeps a cool head. His interests are kept to himself, save for a potential interest in chess. And, again, can we truly say that he’s passionate about chess? Or is that something he picked up because it’s Jin’s favorite thing? Who really knows. He keeps everything closed to his chest.

He’s Got the Power

Like many ghouls, Tohma had both a stigma and a special artifact. Additionally, he has brute strength- seemingly more so than the other ghouls- and access to a wide range of artifacts due to Darkwick seemingly entrusting him.

Argeas allows Tohma the ability to transmit vibrations over long distances. It gives him the capabilities to send messages long distances and can be amplified to even go through anomalous soundproofing through MC’s own ability. Additionally, paired with his brute strength, Tohma even has the strength to use the vibrations to completely destroy building foundations through creating earthquakes.

Tohma also has a special artifact in the form of a halberd. While we don’t know what capabilities his special artifact does, at this time, we do know that he uses it to cut anomalies and slam into the ground to presumably send vibrations down to the building base to help destroy it.

There’s also Tohma’s noted brute strength, which we spoke of already. It seems to amplify his stigma and seems to also allow him to fully use a halberd without breaking a heavy sweat over it.

Finally, while not an ability, Tohma does have access to more ‘rare’ artifacts. Such as the skeleton key. Stating that Darkwick allows him to have access to such artifacts due to having built trust with them.

His Relationships

Tohma is interesting in the way that he acts with other characters. Here, we’ll break down the very basics of his relationships with the other characters. I won’t go too far in depth with each one, as there are still so many. And I’ll leave theories to the What May Come to Pass section. So this will primarily be focused on the surface level of the relationships and how they have been presented to us thus far. I am also leaving out staff, at this time. Though, I will note, I would not be surprised to learn that he has some dealings with the staff in any way.

Jin Kamurai

Jin and Tohma have a rather complex relationship that I don’t think can be summed up easily in this post, alone. It seems the two have some sort of agreement amongst one another, working together for some larger goal at hand. We still don’t know what this goal is but it seems that it does pertain to, at least, Jin getting some form of revenge for ‘her’. Heavily implied to be his mother. Additionally, the two have a rather fueled relationship where they both can be quippy towards one another. Making snide remarks and calling the other out on their behaviors. It appears they’re close. But the details beyond that, are elusive to us.

Kaito Fuji

Kaito and Tohma don’t have many direct interactions, to say the least. Kaito still seems to crop up around him quite a bit. Likely due to the both of them sharing a house together. Additionally, they’ve both worked on at least one mission together, so far.

As it is now, I don’t believe that they’ve had much direct conversations to really warrant their relationship to be beyond just housemates. Perhaps Tohma not really viewing Kaito as much, at all.

Lucas Errant

Lucas and Tohma also don’t seem to have many in-depth interactions with one another. But we do see Lucas going to Tohma and asking to be given a high ranking mission. This declines and states that he, quite frankly, does not trust Lucas and that he needs to earn this, respectively, from him. Lucas does seem to flub the mission, but his determination does seem to stir something within Tohma to allow him to rectify his mistakes. I think saying that Tohma finds Lucas to be earnest in his interactions would not be too far of a stretch to believe. He also is thankful that Lucas was able to also get Jin out of his room and active, once more. Something that he had been trying to do for some time.

Alan Mido

Another complex relationship with even less information than the relationship Tohma has with Jin. We know these two have worked together in the past and are collaborating to look for a ‘spy’. They both share the sentiment that their new housemates are a bit unruly and need to be taught valuable lessons. But, for the most part, there does not seem to be any hostility between Tohma and Alan. In fact, they seem to have a deep mutual understanding of one another. Though, Tohma does appear to be mildly frustrated at Alan’s lack of security when it comes to his phone and technology.

Leo Kurosagi

While their only interaction was rather terse, Leo and Tohma seemed to not like one another. Or rather, Leo greatly dislikes Tohma. He seems to wildly distrust him and urges for Alan to distrust him, as well. Meanwhile, Tohma likely finds Leo as an irritant due to him snooping in on their meetings. Ready to even attack him, at first, when Leo first tricks Alan and Tohma to a meeting in the car. Eventually leading to the car being anomalously soundproofed and even their meetings taking place in a ‘gross’ forest (presumed to be the forest by Obscuary). I fully expect there to be more tension in this front.

Ritsu Shinjo

Another person who has snooped in on Tohma. Though, only in the images of a warding card. Still, we have seen a campus hangout where Ritsu crosses paths with Jin and attempts to get information from him, as well. So it seems Ritsu is, at the very least, hinted at trying to get information about Frostheim. Other than that, we can’t speculate on what their relationship is.

Haku Kusanagi

This is another tense interaction that Tohma had. In Episode 7 Chapter 19 and Episode 7 Chapter 20, we see Haku and Tohma exchange a brief but rather uncomfortable conversation. Tohma even going as far as to tell Haku to not ‘act dumb’ when questioned about why Mortkranken refused to do an autopsy. Tohma seemingly even been the aggressor in starting the conversation this go around. There’s also been hinted notes that Haku also switched houses (speculative on either Frostheim or Clementia) and is viewed as a traitor, of sorts, because of this. And also speculative that Haku has a tense relationship with Jin, as well. So- this dynamic is certainly one worth keeping an eye on.

Rui Mizuki

Yet another relationship that comes across as almost sour. Between Episodes 7 Chapter 20 and the campus hangout these two have, I think it’s quite clear that there is a level of dislike between the both of them. All while keeping a friendly air about it. They both present smiles to one another but their words come across as almost sharp and critical of one another. With Rui commenting on how it’s odd to see Tohma out and about and having conversations with others and then Tohma quipping back that it’s more surprising on Rui’s front due to his ‘limited movement’- implying that he doesn’t go out much likely due to his curse. Additionally, Rui seemed to comment about how Darkwick General knows nothing about curses, Haku responding with ‘Yikes’ and then Tohma remaining silent before excusing himself. I would venture to say that they do not get along at all.

Yuri Isami

Again, we have yet another tense relationship. Though, this one seems more on account of Yuri’s extreme dislike for Frostheim. Still, Tohma seems to go out of his way to try and strong arm Yuri into either doing an autopsy and releasing the information to Frostheim by threatening to cut funding (and then doing just that when Yuri does not comply).

Jiro Kirisaki

They have not interacted but it’s important to note that he suspected Jiro of being on Frostheim grounds and was not entirely happy about this. It could be due to the tense relationship that Frostheim and Mortkranken have with one another, though.

Overall, Tohma has many relationships either shrouded in mystery or volatile to a degree. It’s quite clear that he does not easily get along with others and seems to keep himself at a distance with them. The only two majorly positive relationships we see with Tohma are with Alan- whom he meets in secret with and with Jin, and even that one has its own tense portions.

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Cards & Cosmic Bonds

Tohma does not have many cards, currently. At least, when compared to someone like Jin. Even so, the cards he does have seem to be quite telling for how Tohma acts and presents himself to others. Each card becoming another puzzle to create the full picture of the Frostheim Vice-Captain. So let’s take a deeper look at his cards and cosmic bonds.

Contrived Smile

The standard SSR character card we have of Tohma Ishibashi is already interesting when you simply break down the title; Contrived Smile. It speaks volumes, in of itself.

Contrived: having an unnatural or false appearance or quality. - Artificial, Labored. ¹⁴

But what does this mean for Tohma? Contrived smile seems to, at least, imply that the smile he is wearing was forced. An act that he put on that seems unfitting for his true nature. The smile that he’s wearing is artificial or unnatural.

Additionally, when you look at the card, itself, the body language Tohma has also seems to amplify his fake demeanor that he holds. Body language can be something more difficult to decipher since different backgrounds can lead to different mannerisms and there’s no one size fits all solution for determining them. But, for now, let’s look at this through the lens of a character being crafted for the sake of consumption.

The image above shows Tohma touching his face/chin. This can typically be a symbol of lying. But here are a few options for what this body language can be implying; ¹⁵

1) He may be nervous and touching his face to control his emotions. ¹⁵

When you lie, it’s pretty common to feel nervous that you may get caught within the lie. After all, lying does often come with consequences. So it would be no surprise if Tohma was, internally, a little nervous to be caught within a lie. Granted, he always manages to keep a cool and level head even when he’s having ash trays thrown at him. So being nervous does not seem to be the case for Tohma.

2) Tohma may be trying to recall or remember the details of the lie he is crafting. ¹⁵

Lying usually means having to recall details that you have crafted. This would require a bit more thinking than when recalling naturally occurring memories. It would make sense that Tohma would be recalling information that he’s crafted often enough.

3) The gesture, itself, can make Tohma seem more trusting and credible. ¹⁵

One thing that keeps repeating for Tohma is the reoccurring theme of wanting to appear as trusting. Between wearing beige, telling Jin to trust him, and overall the way he carries himself, Tohma is clearly trying to put on an air that he’s reliable and can be trusted. That he’s credible and won’t take advantage of you. Even when everyone says that he’s a side-swapping traitor, Tohma still carefully crafts himself as someone you can depend upon.

Having your hand on your face could be a way of hiding something from others or having a secret because you’re hiding your emotions. It could also be a way to cover up something you don’t want others to see. Such as if you’re sad or angry. It could also be because you’re feeling uncomfortable or defensive or even self-conscious. Truth is, there are many reasons why someone may be touching their face. You could have something that you’re wanting to say but you’re unsure on how to broach the topic- wanting to be careful with your word choice. Or you could be considering your options of an idea that has been presented to you. ¹⁵

Again, there are many reasons for someone to touch their face. The important thing to note is that when combined with the title; Contrived Smile, and the smirk that Tohma is wearing, it starts to paint a picture of someone who is deceptive while trying to appear as friendly and trustworthy.

Watchful Shadow

I won’t get too in depth with the standard SSR Warding card here, but it adds onto Tohma’s characteristics. Watchful implying that he keeps his eyes on others and shadow stating that he remains hidden while he does so. In the warding card image, you even see Tohma hiding within a building- obscured by a curtain in a window- as he’s watching Kaito and Lucas interacting with one another.

Keeping a close eye on the two other ghouls is something that Tohma also does within the story of Tokyo Debunker. Keeping his eyes on how they are handling a mission. While this isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, it does show that Tohma has tabs on those within his house. He could be keeping an eye on them to make sure that they’re safe. Or it could be for gathering information. It could be a combination of both, which would not surprise me in the slightest.

We also know that Tohma is looking for a ‘spy’. And that he is closing in on them. While we don’t know who this ‘spy’ is, or what Tohma even considers a spy, we do know that this heavily implies that he’s keeping his eyes on others, as well. Being a Watchful Shadow is not off the table for Tohma and this card definitely makes it clear that he’s silently keeping tabs on everyone.

Zipper Croc

We see the zipper croc within the world of Tokyo Debunker when MC is informed that they tend to eat litter and ‘swim’ in the concrete/pavement of the roads. Poking their heads up through seemingly zipper portals. Zipper crocs are also featured on the Campus Hangout area as well as being Tohma’s SR Warding Card representation.

While zipper crocs do not hold actual lore behind them, I took the time to depict different meanings behind both zippers and crocodiles. As well as give my own thoughts on what it could mean without any research to back it up fully.

When you look at the card image above, you can see where the anomalous animal gets its name from. It’s quite literally just a crocodile coming out of a zipper. It seems to have a rather friendly looking face, hardly malicious despite being based off of a predator animal. So breaking down different meanings of both zippers and crocodiles is an important aspect of understanding why this creature was Tohma’s SR card.

Starting with zippers, we can see a repeat in some of the themes within Tohma’s character; transition and change, revealing hidden truths, and protection or concealment. Zippers can also represent emotional closure as well as a sense of control. ¹⁶

Just as bridges, we see that transitions and change pop up once again. Zippers showcasing the various transitions and changes one can face in their life. Bridges also had offered the same, mentioning changes and transitions you take and crossing over to a ‘new life’. We already know Tohma had experienced one transition; from one house to another. Going from Vagastrom to Frostheim. This was already quite a transition in his life and something we may expect to see later on is another transition or change in his character.

There could be an indication for a need for change or transition. Moving on from a situation or a phase. A desire to control your emotions or circumstances and a need for protection against exposure. ¹⁶

Whether we see actual change in Tohma is yet to truly be revealed. But we do see him protecting others. He does so when carrying the child in the Frostheim chapter. Even going as far as to tell the kid to not apologize because he couldn’t walk and was a ‘burden’ to Tohma for him having to carry him while fighting. We also see him protecting Jin from critical backlash from his own brutish behavior by stating that Jin was merely putting on a show for the audience in the ballroom. Tohma taking on the form of a protector, of sorts, is something that we see him do despite his deceptive nature.

Zippers can symbolize a revealing or concealing aspect of ourselves. They can, from a psychological standpoint, represent boundaries we set for ourselves. Whether it be us hiding behind a facade or hiding our true selves from others or even ourselves. Only ‘unzipping’ when ready to reveal ourselves to others. ¹⁶

Hiding one’s intentions is another repeating theme we see within Tohma’s character. His card ‘Contrived Smile’ hinting at his forced appearance and how he keeps his own interests stated as unavailable. We don’t know much about Tohma or what makes him tick. But what we do know is that he’s hiding much under the guise of being a reliable helping hand. It would not be a surprise if we later see Tohma ‘unzip’ and reveal the true self he’s hiding from us all.

There’s also the same repetition of faking when you look at crocodiles and the sayings we have associated with them.

One of the first things that comes to mind, when thinking of crocodiles, is the term ‘crocodile tears’. The term simply meaning when someone pretends to cry to garner sympathy or lure others in close to you. The saying originating from how crocodiles, as animals, function. Crocodiles do cry, after all. When they spend long periods of time out of the water, their eyes begin to dry up and, so in turn, they cry to help lubricate their eyes. The saying cropped up due to the fact that many believed that crocodiles only shed their tears when attacking and consuming their prey. And it was thought they did this as either a way to lure their victims closer or due to the grief of their actions. ¹⁷

While we don’t see Tohma display feigned emotions of distress or anguish, we do know him to be deceptive by nature. That he’s willing to use any tactic in order to get what he wants from a situation. Seeing him act in such a way is very reminiscent of crocodile tears. Would this be a tactic that Tohma may consider using in the future? Perhaps if it were to benefit him in the long run, he may consider it. Though, he keeps many of his emotions to his chest. Still, we can’t truly say that we can trust Tohma’s intentions or tank feelings he may display in the future and it’s worth noting.

In Ancient Egyptian culture, crocodiles were held in regards of being strong and powerful. This was due to their god Sobek and Ammit. Both having the head of a crocodile. Sobek was associated with the Nile and considered the lifeblood of Egypt and Ammit was known as the devourer of the dead, consuming those that were deemed too sinful or unworthy to enter the afterlife. Some African cultures also hold crocodiles in high regard, believing crocodiles to be fierce and often using them as symbols for their chiefs. This was due to their fast and precise strikes to their prey, making them formidable foes. Crocodiles are also well regarded in many other cultures for various reasons- but all are deemed positive and symbols of strength and impossible feats. ¹⁸

Crocodiles are quite fierce, known for their powerful bites and swift movements. It is no surprise that Tohma would be likened to a crocodile due to his natural brute force and how quick he seems to be able to enact his strength while having limitations. Tohma also is within a higher position, being entrusted by Darkwick to have access to rarer artifacts and keeping hold of them within the Vault, in Frostheim. He, too, is held in a high regard. Albeit, not in a god-like status. But enough so that Jin seems to trust him as well as Darkwick, themselves. His influence just as strong as his powerful blows.

Jour Nekomata

Tohma’s R warding card is what appears to be a cat with two tails. Or rather, a Nekomata. Paired with the word Jour. Here, we’ll analyze the warding card and how it could pertain to Tohma, as a character.

We’ll start with breaking down the aspect of the Nekomata, first.

Nekomata, in Japanese, have a few different spellings. Each have their own connection to what Nekomata are, in relations to the cat yōkai. Starting with 猫また. 猫 - Neko, which simply means cat. また Mata Wa, which means “multiple”, “repeat”, and “either or”. ¹⁹

In instance of the Nekomata, multiple would likely be referring to their tails, of which they have two. But in the world of Tokyo Debunker, repetition is something that is a key story point. Multiple, building off of that, could be in reference to the multiple options laid before Tohma and the multiple options laid before him or the multiple faces he may wear around others. And Either Or being the selection of a situation laid before where he’ll have to select either one option or another.

猫股, again the 猫 for Neko and 股 for forked or bifurcated. This is due to the ‘split’ in the tail of the cat. ¹⁹

This spelling simply refers to the cat’s split tail and how it appears forked. Nekomata have two tails, of which we will explore the meaning on shortly.

Finally, we have 猫又. 猫 for Neko, or cat, as we established in the other two spellings. 又 for ‘again’. Nekomata sometimes known as ‘again’ cats. This is due to cats believing to have multiple lives. Typical from the saying of cats having 9 lives. ¹⁹

There could be a few ways to truly view what this means from a character aspect. Again could have multiple meanings. One such meaning could be the implication of a character repeating something ‘again’. This makes sense in the themes that Tokyo Debunker has built up. Repetition making itself known. It could also imply that Tohma will experience something ‘again’. Perhaps whatever he faced in his previous house will repeat in Frostheim. Then, there could also be themes for the ‘multiple lives’ portion. Tohma leading multiple lives and wearing different faces.

Furthermore, Nekomata have been known to be malicious. Especially when compared to the Bakeneko, which it is often mistaken for. ²⁰

Two types of Nekomata have appeared throughout literature and telling of the cat yōkai; the mountain dwelling Nekomata and the domestic Nekomata. The mountain dwelling Nekomata best known for their ability to shapeshift into humans to deceive them and then to consume them. ²⁰

Then there are the domestic dwelling Nekomata, which are pet cats that grow old and lived tragic lives. Often experiencing hardships via humans and, in turn, causing them to become Nekomata that transform and eat humans. ²⁰

Nekomata, in turn, have often been compared to cat-like vampires, since they often have been noted to drink the blood of their owners. Likely out of an act of vengeance for their mistreatment. They also have the ability to bewitch non-magical house cats, as well. ¹⁹

With all of this in mind, I personally think it starts to showcase possibilities of Tohma’s goals as well as who he is, as a person. I’ll elaborate further on this in the What May Come to Pass section. But, for now, I want to really emphasize the parts that really stick out here; Nekomata can disguise themselves as humans and then consume them, house cats can become Nekomata after reaching an older age and often come from toxic situations, and they can bewitch non-magical house cats.

A central theme in Nekomata seems to be their ability to deceive in order to cause harm or get some sort of vengeance and simply survive. So I find it curious that Tohma has this as his R warding card.

The Other SSR Cards

Perfect Mirror, a character card for Tohma, seems to indicate (in the title) another theme of copying or, at the very least, repeating what others are doing in order to mask and fit in.

Spotted is a warding card featuring Tohma drinking tea while both Kaito and Lucas are in the background, looking in on Tohma. They are separated by a glass barrier, indicating that the Frostheim Vice-Captain is out in a cafe, of sorts. Possibly meeting with someone. Both Lucas and Kaito seem surprised by this. It could be assumed that Tohma is meeting with MC, as that would be my likely guess for a game focused on having MC be the central focus for the ghouls. Or rather, she should be. But, ultimately, we’ll never know who he was meeting with.

Knights Day Off is another warding card that features Tohma. He can be seen walking with the other ghouls in Frostheim, adjusting his monocle and peering over at Jin. Hes only slightly behind Jin and, behind him are Lucas and Kaito. It seems like a casual putting between house-ghouls and nothing is quite out of the ordinary here. But, it’s still important to bring up that he definitely has his focus on Jin.

Audacious Sleuth is another warding card primarily focused on Ritsu, who seems to be listening and recording a phone call of a man with their back turned to him. The man in question is likely to be Tohma, due to the similar hairstyle and coloring of hair. But it could be someone else. Either way, if it is Tohma, it’s interesting to see that he has Ritsu spying on him to collect information. Which seems to, at least, imply that he has some sort of valuable information. Or at least, valuable to Ritsu.

While all of these cards don’t hold any major significance to them and all only give speculations, I think a lot of them really paint Tohma as someone who has connections and is secretive about them. He seems to be masking himself to fit into a world he doesn’t quite belong in. And, overall, he does seem to have some sort of deeper connection with Jin. Though, we’ve been shown that their relationship is quite complex.

Cosmic Bonds

Unlike other characters, Tohma currently (as I’m writing this), is not featured in many cosmic bonds. I did only focus on the ones his SSR Character cards are put in, so please keep this in mind.

The Order of Frostheim is a bond with Jin, Kaito, and Lucas. I think the name is pretty simple in its meaning. It’s a bond between all the ghouls in the Frostheim house. It focuses solely on the order established in their power/rankings. This is a heavy theme throughout Frostheim, after all. Between the references of chess pieces, social structures, and royalty, Frostheim very much presents itself as an ‘orderly’ house. Though, what I find interesting is that despite showing itself to outwardly be a house that follows sort of a chain of command, Tohma is the one who is currently running the forefront of the house, as depicted on his character sheet. He’s doing so while in ‘Jin’s absence’ and presumably has been for quite some time. So- what really is the Order of Frostheim?

Gentlemen with Purpose is a bond with Lucas and Ritsu. This one, I think, is also relatively clear. Tohma, Ritsu, and Lucas are all considered to be ‘proper’. They’re polite and follow social etiquette. Additionally, they all have some sort of larger purpose or goal at hand. Lucas wants to subjugate a demon to find his twin brother. Ritsu wants to win the Laurel Crown and also help his father restore his reputation to some degree. Tohma- well… he has a goal. Whatever it is being unknown to us at the time. But- he has a purpose and he’s clearly putting in the work to reach whatever his goal may be.

Faces in the Crowd is a bond with Leo and Towa. This card, I would say, is where we have to take a bit of a deeper look. Namely because we don’t know much about Tohma or Towa. Whole assumptions would have to be made, here. But I think it simply implies that these three are all people who come across as unsuspecting to others. They’re just faces in a crowd. Someone that others think nothing of. Leo, while us the readers are aware, is two-faced. He’s cruel and has the tendency to use others. But his fan base on TikTok are none the wiser. He’s seen as lovable to them despite thinking his own fans are basic. Towa comes across as harmless and generally pretty friendly. Especially towards people like Haru or MC. However, we’ve seen Towa to be quite powerful and even have malicious and cruel intentions towards others. Namely Ren and Ed. He’s even electrocuted animals. Tohma has himself appear as a gentleman and friendly but, in his very nature, he will do whatever it takes to reach his goals. Presumably even if it is cruel to others.

Shadowed Smiles is a bond with Lucas and Subaru. And this one was the hardest for me to really depict a bond between them. But I would say that this bond actually focuses on the hardships these characters have endured and the smiles they wear being a shadow of their true feelings. Likely feelings of despair and hurt. It may be a bit of a reach here. But I would take a guess that perhaps each have had some cruelties happen in front of them and, now, they offer these friendly seeming smiles in place of what’s truly haunting them. Subaru is known for being a former actor, having done so throughout his childhood. It wouldn’t be a surprise if it came to light that he had some horrible experiences due to this. Lucas, as we do know, had a twin brother. One that he’s desperately trying to get back. It also would not be much of a stretch for me to believe that he may have felt pitted against his brother. Tohma…? Who’s to truly say. But I think time will tell.

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

The Story So Far

Thus far, Tohma has only appeared in a few chapters and from what we’ve seen of him, he has not revealed much about himself. The following is what we have seen in the story, not campus hangouts, and the central themes that continue to pop up with his character.

The first time we actually see Tohma is in the Prologue Chapter 30. There’s a brief glimpse of a few of the ghouls who attended the assembly of new ghouls, transfers, and the introduction of MC and the role she will be playing here. When showing the characters, we see Tohma sitting with a smile and touching his chin. He seems rather interested in the information being presented and also appears confident, though we can also see there’s someone sitting beside him off camera and Haru, who is relaxed a few seats behind.

Were shown a small handful of the ghouls who attended this assembly, though not all of them attended. For Frostheim, Tohma and Kaito both attended. Though, Tohma was already seated by the time MC arrived with Kaito and Lucas. He seemed quite amused and interested in being there. Which makes sense for his character, as he seems to like to be in the know. An assembly where they’re assigning new ghouls to houses would be one that Tohma would be interested in attending.

The next time we see Tohma is when MC meets him in Episode 1 Chapter 9. MC being sent to work with Frostheim as she approaches Jin’s room. Peering in, she sees that Tohma is speaking to Jin, appearing rather annoyed that Jin seems to be ignoring him. He continues with his explanation of a corpse walking around and Jin continues to show disinterest in the topic at hand. This is when Tohma asks if he’s still feeling unwell and if he should call Mortkranken, which earns a disgruntled look from Jin. Then, he asks if he should contact his father, instead. Causing Jin to lash out and throw an ashtray in his general direction. Tohma seems rather unphased by this reaction and is about to continue on before MC is spotted.

The first time that MC meets Tohma, we are directly greeted with the fact that he’s having some sort of meeting with Jin. At the time, what the meeting is about is unknown to us. Though, later it’s revealed that it’s connected to the mission that will be taking place this episode. Sprinkled throughout.

We’re also first introduced to the fact that Tohma seems to purposely try to frustrated Jin by poking at some of his sore spots; Mortkranken and his father. Seemingly both things that Jin has rather tense relationships with. And the reactions he gets don’t earn a reaction from Tohma, either.

Jin is the first to spot MC and Tohma is quick to tell MC that she’s brazen for being a peeping tom. Jin then tells Tohma to use a match on her, to which he seems quick to comply with, walking over before recognizing who she is- as he had attended the assembly. He informs Jin that the matches will not work on MC due to her curse. Amused by this to some degree.

Once Tohma confronts MC, he’s quick to call her a brazen peeping tom- which, while true from his perspective, certainly was quipped. He also was ready and willing to use the mesmer matches on MC, only stopping when he realized that they would not work on her due to the information he gained at the assembly. His amusement likely stemming from the fact that Jin cannot hide the interaction from MC, at this point. And also likely a mild and secret frustration on his part, since he is also unable to hide the interaction, either. It seems that he’ll be forced to have to work with MC to some degree.

Episode 1 Chapter 11, we learn from Kaito that Tohma is the one MC should go to for things. He states, “The Vice-Captain’s been pretty much running the show lately.”

Aside from Tohma’s character sheet on the main website saying that he’s running things in Jin’s absence, it’s here that the MC learns that the Vice-Captain is the one to go to for anything. And it’s one of the first instances where we see that everyone defaults to Tohma for things, in the Frostheim house. He is, as it has been clearly stated, running the show. And we (and MC) have now seen that Jin keeps himself secluded in his room without wanting to see anyone in there.

Now that MC learns to go to Tohma, she asks Kaito where he can be found. Episode 1 Chapter 12, Kaito informs MC that Tohma can be found in a vault in the Frostheim dormitory, doing paperwork. They set out to go to the vault, with Lucas, and step inside, noting that it’s quite cold and that it’s unlikely that Tohma actually would spend all his time here. Shortly after, the trio see a student by the name of Yumiko running and shouting for someone to help her.

Tohma spends a good chunk of his time, allegedly, within Frostheim’s chilly vaults doing paperwork. Diligent despite the cold temperatures. But what’s truly interesting is, here, this is the first time we see the name Yumiko pop up. And notably, she is running in fear from some anomalous chess pieces. Running from a place where Tohma regularly spends his time.

Episode 1 Chapter 13 kicks off with some action, the anomalous chess pieces that had been chasing Yumiko now focused on MC, Kaito, and Lucas. Lucas preparing to fight the anomalies off before Tohma appears and, in a commanding tone, states “That’s enough.” The chess pieces no longer continue their approach on the trio and Tohma then asks what they’re doing there. They let him know they’re there to give him some paperwork and then MC lets Tohma know there was someone yelling for help earlier. Tohma responds with, “What person?” and the subject is dropped almost immediately, Tohma taking the papers MC came to bring him.

An example of Tohma’s control starts here. He questions why the trio are there- not appreciating the fact that they intruded within his space without permission or warning. It’s clear he keeps the vault secured and an uncomfortable place for others to linger in for long. Almost secluded, in a sense. And when questioned about the person yelling for help, Tohma asks “what person” as if he doesn’t know what the group are referring to. This is doubtful, to me. Someone as calculated as Tohma was very aware of someone being in the vault. And he quickly deflects this topic, accepting the paperwork that MC brought.

Lucas introduces himself shortly after, asking if he could be put on the mission presented on the paper MC just handed over. Tohma is quick to decline this, stating that he does not trust Lucas, as of yet, and that he would only get in his way. Lucas insist he can handle himself and swiftly, Tohma informs that he has not earned his approval. Ever insistent, Lucas tells Tohma to test him, prompting Tohma to say that Lucas has, at least, proven himself stubborn. He offers for Lucas to take up a low ranking mission of his choice and to complete it without incident. If he does so, he’ll consider him for future missions and Lucas agrees. The trio then go to look over the missions provided to make their selection.

This is the first real interaction we see with Tohma and Lucas. Lucas insisting to be given a chance to prove himself and Tohma allowing him the chance while also making it very clear that he does not think much of him, currently. He is willing to let Lucas go on a lower ranking mission and is clear with not wanting to send someone he doesn’t know well to a high ranking and dangerous mission. Assessing others and determining their skill sets and what they can realistically accomplish, Tohma shows his more analytical side here. Risks minimized are his priority of the reward is minimal. It makes sense as to why he is the one spearheading things while Jin remains hidden away.

It doesn’t take long for Lucas and the others to select a mission in Episode 1 Chapter 14. They take the papers to Tohma and have him sign the documents off. Tohma then states that MC must also go along on the mission, as it is her job to do so. Then Tohma asks for a moment of MC’s time, dismissing Lucas and Kaito.

Once again, Tohma seems to ensure that MC goes along on a lower ranking mission to qualify for the task put upon her; go on a mission with Frostheim. With it being a low ranking mission, he can ensure that it won’t be terribly dangerous for MC to embark on.

Episode 1 Chapter 15, Tohma has MC take a seat on one of the chairs, letting her know it’s more comfortable than it looks. He makes her Darjeeling tea, mentioning that it’s Jin’s favorite and how he will be unable to serve it to him for some time and may have to dispose of it. Continuing on, Tohma states that Jin is still furious over MC’s intrusion and, by default, Tohma is still not allowed back into his room.

Tension grows here when Tohma calls out MC for disrupting his conversation with Jin and upsetting him. Making a more clever approach with the topic by starting with offering MC some tea. Then calmly stating that the tea he offered is Jin’s favorite. Pivoting after to then use this as an opportunity to remind MC that she messed up and he is dealing with consequences because of it. Starting by dropping her guard and then going in to leave a scathing comment.

Here, MC has the option to respond three different ways and receives three different answers from Tohma.

1) MC responds with, “I’m sorry…” to which Tohma responds, “If you’ll be coming in and out of Frostheim, you’ll need to learn some manners.”

An apology doesn’t seem to cut it with Tohma, but he’s a little less harsh on his delivery. Essentially stating that some manners will need to be considered when coming into a house primarily built up of the social elites.

2) MC responds with, “I was there for a reason…” and Tohma responds, “You think this is the appropriate moment for excuses? It seems you need an education in etiquette.”

If you have MC state there was a reason to be there, Tohma seems to cut in a little deeper. He doesn’t value what he deems as an excuse. Education and etiquette are something needed when in Frostheim, again, in the upper echelons of society residing in this house. He’s clear to remind MC that she’ll need this in order to really get anywhere within this house.

3) MC responds with, “It’s not just my fault…” and Tohma responds, “I see. So you were peeping.”

Interestingly, if MC states it’s not just her fault- which to me feels more of an excuse than the other two- Tohma doesn’t remind her of manners or etiquette or education. Instead, he just confirms that MC was peeping. This is odd, in my opinion. If you have MC apologize or try to explain her reason, Tohma chides her. But if she attempts to deflect blame, Tohma simply remarks that she was doing as he suspected. Either way, all three options have Tohma slightly displeased and makes him come across as if he simply knows better than MC.

Regardless of what MC says, he states he’ll let it slide for now and asks MC if she plays chess. He explains the chess pieces from earlier are anomalous and that they utilize them in Frostheim, stating they grow in size and attack if they sense malicious intentions from an intruder. He tells MC to not worry, as they won’t attack, unless she has malicious intentions.

The chess pieces then hop onto the board while shrinking down, Tohma instructing MC to go first. “The player who makes the first move has an advantage.”

Chess is considered to be extremely strategic, Tohma offering for MC to go first and allowing her to ‘have an advantage’ is, still on his part, a strategic move. He knows that he has more experience playing chess so, even if MC has an advantage, it doesn’t matter. Tohma knows he will prevail.

Tohma begins to teach MC how to play chess, mirroring her moves with his own pieces. He watches MC ‘his eyes devoid of warmth’. The game then states that it seems as if he’s staring directly into MC’s thoughts and that he doesn’t remove his gaze.

Calculating as ever, Tohma begins to mirror MC’s movements. Mirroring is something that has been mentioned before in one of his character cards; Perfect Mirror. This is a theme that crops up for Tohma often- being one to mimic those around him in order to fit in or seem less intimidating. Despite his attempt at mirroring MC, it’s noted that he isn’t as friendly as he’s letting on. Eyes devoid of warmth suggesting that he is more cold and calculating than originally let on. Seeing into her thoughts- likely enhanced by the fact that he’s mimicking the moves that MC selects.

Still guiding MC on how to play chess, Tohma reaches over and grabs MC, activating his stigma. His movements quick and catching her off guard. Pointing to the board and stating, “check”.

MC would state, “It was as though his voice was inside my head, reverberating down my back, my legs, and right down to my toes. Every hair on my body stood on end. He continued holding my hand and my gaze, a satisfied smile on his lips.”

In this segment, we see that Tohma had activated his stigma and, in true Tohma fashion, tells MC ‘check’ to indicate that he won their chess game. Though, we later find out this message was also meant for someone else.

Episode 1 Chapter 16, Kaito and Lucas are waiting outside of the vault for MC and Tohma to finish their conversation. Lucas questions an anxious Kaito when he seems to be weary of Tohma and, Kaito soon confirms that he is, in fact weary. His response, being, “Are you being serious? He’s shady as fuck!! I mean who wears a monocle in this day and age, huh?!” Kaito then barges into the room and shouts when he sees that MC and Tohma are holding hands. Tohma comments that Kaito needs to learn proper etiquette for his sudden intrusion. And then the chess pieces grow in size and head towards Kaito in a defensive manner, to which Tohma states, “Interesting…”

Learning that Kaito, who is in his second year now, states that Tohma is shady. That him wearing a monocle is odd. Off putting, even. It would not be a stretch to assume that others feel similarly to Kaito about Tohma. Especially considering that he switched from one house to now be the Vice-Captain of Frostheim. Having someone from the outside ascend the rankings so quickly and also take charge in Jin’s absence would certainly lead to many others feeling prickly and untrusting.

Next, Kaito barges into the room and the chess pieces jump up to defend. This is noted as being interesting to Tohma. He also tells Kaito that he needs to learn etiquette. Again, Tohma remarking on others learning manners.

With the conversation between MC and Tohma concluding, he lets MC know she can leave but that she should take her job as the inspector seriously. Cleaning up as nothing happened, Tohma tells MC to address him by his name rather than Vice-Captain. He explains that there are other Vice-Captains and that it would get confusing. He then explains he has an urgent matter to attend to and that he’ll be taking his leave. Tohma departs and the chess pieces follow him.

Knowing that MC must take her duties seriously, Tohma reminds her of this and then departs with the chess pieces. In this instance, we saw Tohma use another for his benefit- as the following scene will elaborate, and then quickly depart to follow up on the other person he had sent the message to.

In Episode 1 Chapter 17, Tohma makes way to Jin’s room. He has a conversation with Jin as the following;

Tohma: “You have my sincere gratitude for allowing me the privilege of entering your chambers.”

Jin: “…You can take your “check” and shove it up your ass.”

Tohma: “You heard my voice, then?”

Jin: “Shameless, aren’t you? How did you bypass the soundproofing?”

Tohma notes that MC has the capabilities of bolstering their stigma use and Jin comments that Tohma “used that girl.” Tohma says yes, and that he was simply testing the claims the chancellor made and that it does seem to be true of her enhancing ability. Tohma then goes on to tell Jin that maybe he could- before being cut off.

Here, we learn that Tohma had used MC to both confirm her ability worked and to send a message to Jin. Not just a message of ‘check’ but, with the thematics of chess and Jin being the ‘king’, Tohma put himself in opposition to Jin, the ‘king’ and had landed a check on him. Not only by bypassing his soundproofing but by proving that he could find ways around his attempts of solitude. This was a power move on Tohma’s part, not only by intimidating MC and confirming how her ability to bolster stigmas worked but also by breaking through the anomalous soundproofing and let Jin know that he can and will find ways around it to get what he wants from him.

Shortly after this exchange, Jin tells Tohma to put on Johann Strauss and Tohma seems a bit confused, stating, “Johann who? Which one is that?” Jin is annoyed by this response from Tohma, asking how he could call himself Vice-Captain. Tohma quips back coolly that he at least performs his duties unlike Jin. Then Jin tells Tohma to leave his room.

A couple things to note in this scene;

1) Tohma did not know who Johann Strauss was.

And

2) It is not beneath him to make jabs at Jin and his inaction.

These are important because they showcase how Tohma can, at times, let his mask slip. He was not aware of who Johann Strauss was and this disgruntled Jin, likely because if Tohma is the Vice-Captain of Frostheim, he should know information pertaining to more ‘refined’ music, as it were. Because Tohma did not know this, it shows that he was not born into a higher class society and could not fit the part as such in a natural manner. Additionally, because Jin was frustrated by his lack of knowledge, he made a remark towards him- to which Tohma responded back harshly. Likely because Tohma has worked hard to perfect his current mask and, therefore, is frustrated that Jin would question his ability to be the Vice-Captain over something as trivial as music.

Tohma does not leave the room and says he still has more to say. Explaining that there were new developments in the case he was investigating. He informs Jin that the child in the video recording was already dead prior to the recording found and that the kid was yet to be identified. Jin comments that the kid is an orphan. Tohma replies with, “So you did read what I sent you.”

Tohma then states he will survey the area, suggesting that Jin join him as well. Jin declines and Tohma remarks, “I can rest easy knowing you’ll be safely tucked up in your room behaving yourself.” Jin calls out his snark which prompts Tohma to respond with, “You won’t be able to hide this indefinitely.” Jin asks if he’ll betray him next. Tohma does not respond immediately but then says, “You still can’t use it, can you? Understood. Please get some rest. But all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.” Jin likens himself to a tasty mouse with hungry snakes all around. When Tohma does not respond, he tells him to fuck off and leave, to which Tohma complies and exits.

Relaying the information over, Tohma does seem grateful that Jin had been reading the information he sent to him. However, things take a bit of a sour turn in their conversation when Tohma reminds Jin of his inability to use his stigma. It seems that Tohma is trying to get Jin to come out and show his face despite his lack of stigma usage. But this does not work and Tohma does not respond to this, only leaving when Jin tells him to do as such.

When we come around to Episode 1 Chapter 29, we find that Tohma is observing the trio on their investigation, but he’s not interacting with them. It does appear that he had been fighting off some anomalies, as there is one cut in half behind him. Shortly after, we see Tohma taking some pills and mentions that “this is getting exhausting.”

Tohma, ever observant, has been watching the trio as they continue their investigation, clearly working in the background of it all. We do learn later that his own mission overlapped into the trio’s mission. But what’s more interesting here is the fact that Tohma is taking pills. And seemingly after having gone into combat.

We do not know what these pills are for but there are a few possibilities I think it could be. I will discuss this in the What May Come to Pass section later on.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim just in time to hear some personal information being leaked through the Masterpiece News. Tohma seems annoyed by this, stating, “Honestly… I haven’t been back five minutes. No one has any intentions of allowing me a moments respite.”

The biggest takeaway here is that Tohma had recently returned from outside of Darkwick. For him to return back to a mess on his hands. Rumors being spread of Jin.

Episode 1 Chapter 31, Tohma walks in on Kaito and Lucas bickering over the mission and teases them by asking if they’re playing hooky. Lucas is quick to state that they had failed the mission, the group failing to capture the anomaly and it escaping as a result. Tohma asks what class the anomaly was, to which Lucas replies it was likely a Class B anomaly. Tohma explains he will check the site to ensure it’s safe for the time being and for the group to return to their rooms. Lucas then asks if he can have a chance to fix his mistakes. Tohma agrees to this, stating he will handle the paperwork and for the group to return in the morning.

It seems that Tohma is willing to give Lucas a chance to rectify his mistake. With the anomaly being revealed to be a Class B- much higher than what he anticipated it to be- and how Lucas and the others had handled things thus far, it seems he’s willing to let him proceed himself further. Testing to see how Lucas is capable. And likely also testing the MC on her own capabilities.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, we’re greeted with some Frostheim students gossiping about Jin. Tohma is attempting to call someone but is unable to get ahold of them. He exclaims that she must have taken him for a fool. Then, Jin barges out with his sword drawn, swinging it and braking a vase in the process. He tells Tohma to come out and asks if he’s the one to have leaked the information to the Masterpiece News. Tohma is quick to suggest that it may have been ‘the dear friend who left his side’. Then reminds Jin that he will always remain by his side.

Here, we can see some complexities within Jin and Tohma’s relationship. It’s clear that Jin suspects Tohma of leaking private and personal information but when Tohma states that it likely was his ‘dear friend’ who betrayed him before and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think he would betray him again. He urges Jin to remember that he is an ally and not his enemy. An attempt to keep Jin in line and to quit with his brash actions and accusations. Level headed, as always. And quick to turn anything to his advantage if he can.

When the confrontation ends, Tohma remarks that Jin’s swordsmanship was a show for the students and thanks their guests for their applause before leaving with Jin. They go to his room, Jin dragging him presumably by his tie. Jin is quick to ask Tohma what he’s doing but Tohma deflects by saying he should be asking that, instead. And asks Jin to let go of his tie. Tohma reminds Jin that he (Jin) is seeking revenge for his mother and that he won’t allow Jin to forget the promise he made to Tohma.

This is where it seems that there’s a mutual benefit of their alliance. They both seem to be working together on some goal. What that goal is remains unknown but it’s clear that Jin is seeking revenge for his mother and Tohma is using this to his benefit to have Jin aide him. It’s likely that the revenge may also coincide with whatever goals Tohma has in mind. Regardless, they are using one another and benefiting off of one another. But it seems that Tohma is frustrated that Jin is not keeping his end of the bargain due to remaining in his room. Hiding away from his responsibilities. Something we have seen Tohma growing more frustrated with in the chapters leading up to this.

With that out of the way, Tohma tells Jin that his prediction was correct and a Class B anomaly had appeared at the orphanage. Explaining that he had handled the anomaly there, Tohma states that the case still was not over. He continues by saying that he sent the second years to investigate the mansion in the morning. Tohma says that there’s something in that house and then asks Jin what his orders are and explains that even if Jin’s stigma does not work, they will still need their help.

It’s now confirmed that the mission Tohma has been on is overlapping with the mission that the trio are working on. Once again, urging Jin to take part. That they will need Jin’s help even without his stigma.

Episode 1 Chapter 40, Tohma arrives at the mansion where Lucas, Kaito, and MC are at. When he approaches them, he states that he just happened to have an errand in the area and him being there was a coincidence. He then asks the group what their plan was and Lucas says they’re trying to find a way inside. Tohma explains he can make one for them and pulls out an artifact key. Said artifact is a skeleton key and has the capabilities of opening anything so long as it has a keyhole. He goes on to say that he has earned Darkwick’s trust and this allows him access to more valuable and rare artifacts “unlike other ghouls”.

Having earned Darkwick’s trust has now given Tohma access to rare artifacts to take on missions. Something that he clearly thinks is a privilege by his statement of other ghouls. To whomever he’s referring to, we don’t necessarily know. But we see that this statement, alone, has Tohma appear as if he feels he is ‘above’ certain ghouls. We don’t typically see Tohma make statements like this, so it’s interesting that he made a statement in front of two other ghouls and MC.

Lucas asks what business Tohma has at the estate they’re investigating. He explains that there was a case where some children had their hearts removed and Darkwick suspected anomalous activity and assigned the case to Frostheim. It was suspected for anomalous activity due to the bodies of children were discovered months after their deaths and that one of the children showed up in footage a day before their discovery, completely healthy. That this pointed to anomaly activity and how Jin entrusted Tohma to complete this investigation.

We get the details of the full overlap of investigations here and an explanation as to why Tohma is there, to begin with. It seems that both Darkwick and Jin trust Tohma enough to allow him large responsibilities.

As they continue on, Tohma notes that it’s odd they’ve yet to cross paths with anyone in the estate. Tohma tells the three of them to keep watch near Mr. Long-Leg’s room and to call him if they see anything suspicious and not do anything. Heexplains they should refrain from doing anything reckless and if they disobey he will leak Kaito’s personal information all over the Masterpiece Newscasters. He and MC then read over Kaito’s WickChat and he, again, reminds them to follow his orders before departing to the chapel.

Tohma takes command of the investigation here and even goes as far as to using blackmail as a way to keep them complaint. It had been stated before that this was never anything beneath Tohma. We’ve seen him repeatedly use others to his benefit but this is quite a brazen display of his willingness to use others to his benefit.

Episode 1 Chapter 41, investigating the chapel, Tohma says it’s clear of activity but that Class B anomalies have varying intellect and it’s possible they could be using Mr. Long-Leg’s room for the activity despite that being sloppy of them. He goes to regroup with the trio only to find that they are no longer there and wears a very angry expression.

This is the first time we’ve seen Tohma’s expression visibly angry. After the trio disobey his command. It seems he had lost his cool, though it’s good for him no one was around to see his very volatile expression.

Going to Mr. Long-Leg’s room, Tohma opens the door and notices an odd smell coming from the closet. Approaching said closet, he opens it and calls Kaito to ask where he is. Learning that the trip followed Mr. Long-Legs enter the basement and Tohma says they should stay put. Explaining shortly that he opened Mr. Long-Leg’s closet and found his body inside and that what they’re following is not Mr. Long-Legs.

Episode 1 Chapter 44, Jin arrives at the estate and makes his way to the basement with Tohma where they see Lucas fighting off the anomalies.

Episode 1 Chapter 45, Tohma seems impressed and surprised that Lucas had fought off so many of the anomalies stating, “To think he took down this many anomalies…” Lucas soon introduces himself to Jin and Tohma tells Jin to at least give him his name. Jin asks if the girl tied up is MC and Tohma says it is.

It seems Tohma is impressed with Lucas’s ability to fight so many of the Class B anomalies off on his own. He had taken down quite a few and seemed he was still able to fight more of them off if need be.

Tohma soon tells Kaito to lead the children and he will carry those who cannot walk. Jin tells Tohma to clear a path, to which Tohma states he is carrying a child and Jin orders him to not get a scratch on the child in the process. Amused by this, Tohma replies with, “No less unreasonable than the day we met, I see.” While smiling as he charges up the stairs.

We see here how Tohma and Jin work together and it even seems that Tohma is glad that Jin is giving him orders. It seems he feels as if Jin is finally taking some of his responsibility and leadership back- something he had been trying to get Jin to do for some time.

Jin tells Tohma that they’re moving too slow and to go up ahead. Tohma states one of his arms is occupied so he’s less than efficient. The child he’s carrying apologizes for not being able to walk. And Tohma asks why he is apologizing and that he’s a child and will protect him whether he could walk or not. The group then heads to the rooftop.

We see some form of compassion here from Tohma towards the child he was carrying. Even though he is less than efficient because he’s carrying the child, he does not blame it on the fact that the child cannot walk. He says he would protect him whether that was or was not the case. The blame never once being shifted onto the child he’s protecting.

Episode 1 Chapter 46, Jin and Tohma seem to share a silent moment before Jin states, “I know” before Jin uses his stigma. Tohma uses this opportunity to use his artifact to cut down a bulk of the anomalies. Shortly after, Jin commands Tohma to destroy the building and Tohma activates his stigma and swings his artifact down, causing the building to being to rumble. Jin then explains that Tohma’s stigma allows him to send vibrations long distance and with his brute strength combined, he’s able to destroy the estate with ease.

A showcase of Tohma’s brute strength combined with his stigma is displayed here. He was able to destroy an entire building with the combination. A terrifying feat, in of itself.

With everyone now on the helicopter, in Episode 1 Chapter 47, Tohma asks everyone if they’re okay. Per Jin’s request, he also goes to take the kids they’ve rescued somewhere safe. Once the helicopter lands, Tohma uses a match on the children and explains he works for an orphanage that they’ll be going to. That it will be their new home.

After they arrive back at Frostheim, Tohma exchanges a few words with Chancellor Cornelius about the situation with the Masterpiece Newscasters and the new announcement made about Yumiko being the one to leak this information. This remarks that Yumiko being expelled was a light punishment and Cornelius confesses that Jin was the one who requested the lenient punishment above Chancellor Cornelius. This causes Tohma to laugh and states that it’s quite befitting of his title as the president’s son.

Again, Yumiko was brought up and it was revealed that she was the one to leak the information to the Masterpiece News. I do have thoughts on the Yumiko situation that I’ll go into on the What May Come to Pass section of this post. Furthermore, it seems that Jin was the one to ‘reprimand’ Yumiko and not Cornelius. Tohma being quite amused by this prospect. Perhaps because Jin had gone over Cornelius’s head to hand out this ‘lenient’ punishment of expulsion.

Episode 1 Chapter 48, Tohma greets MC at the Frostheim ball being held and explains that he cannot attend to MC due to having some important matters to attend to. He lets her know that the second years are around and she should look for them. MC notes that Tohma, in his house uniform, exudes a slightly different air than usual and he leaves shortly after.

Again, Tohma has ‘important matters to attend to’, something he seems to say often to excuse himself. Another thing to note is how MC states that Tohma ‘exudes a slightly different air than usual’ while in his house uniform. It doesn’t explain what that different air is but it’s still interesting that he seems to hold himself differently depending on what he’s wearing.

Episode 1 Chapter 49, MC and Jin share a dance and when it ends, Tohma tells her that she dances well. Shortly after, Tohma and Lucas have a conversation about how the matches do not affect ghouls. He explains that he felt it was important to bring up due to Lucas wanting to speak with MC as a way to avoid having the matches used on him. Then Tohma notes that he finds it admirable that Lucas was prepared to enter negotiations.

Tohma seems to be able to read others well enough to know that Lucas was going to use MC as a way to prevent the matches from being used on him. However, Tohma is quick to explain that the Mesmer matches do not work on ghouls but thinks Lucas is admirable for being prepared for such a scenario. Still, Tohma has the upper hand as he knew that matches would not work and Lucas did not know this. But he recognizes someone who is clever enough to fish for solutions.

Episode 1 Chapter 50, Lucas then asks Tohma if he knew about the anomalies within the estate and if Lucas was sent there to be tested. Tohma tells Lucas that if he has complaints over the missions provided to take them to the staff, as they are the ones to provide the missions and not Tohma, himself. Noting that he won’t be able to leave without giving explanation due to Lucas’s stubborn behavior, Tohma launches into telling what really happened. He explains that an anomaly had been impersonating Mr. Long-Legs for about six months. He also notes that children were being eaten by anomalies in an orphanage and the anomalies were caught due to their greed of overconsumption. He then explains how Jin was doing his own private investigation with his family connections and he had a thorough plan for their escape. He credits Jin for making the connection between his case in the orphanage and the estate and goes on to say that Jin is actually a kind person.

First, we see Tohma deflect blame to the staff. They are the ones to compile the list of missions and providing their rankings. There could be a few reasons for Tohma to do this. 1) He is trying to get Lucas to realize that the staff are incompetent and untrustworthy for not thoroughly vetting the mission rankings. Or 2) Tohma does not want to be blamed and is shifting it. Personally, I think it’s the latter. He also gives credit to Jin for essentially connecting and planning everything out for their success. Then goes on to say Jin is a kind person. An odd comment coming from Tohma as he is not typically one to uplift and compliment others, from what we’ve seen. He’s either saying this because he gains something from doing this (perhaps gaining Lucas’s trust here), or because he truly means it. He finds Jin to be a kind person and thinks it’s important for Lucas to know this.

After their conversation, Tohma goes to the balcony to meet up with Jin and the two have a conversation. He asks if he can have a cigarette and is given one, Jin lighting it with his own. Jin then tells Tohma to drop the act and how he finds it shameless. Tohma admitting that he’s “grown used to it”. He then calls out Jin for being equally shameless for pulling strings to lessen Yumiko’s punishment from leaking information to the Masterpiece News. Jin excuses himself and departs.

In this brief conversation, we learn that Jin is aware of Tohma putting on an act. That he finds it shameless. Tohma seems to think Jin is equally shameless for being too kind or that he exerted his power over the Chancellor. One of the two. But it’s clear that they’re both aware of the ‘game’ the other is playing and find it shameless or, rather, annoying.

Episode 2 Chapter 20, Tohma arrives at Vagastrom and enters a car with Alan. Leo is listening into the conversation and hears only a part of it. To which Tohma explains that, ‘he’ll take care of it’. Alan apologizes and Tohma then says that they’re “closing in on the spy”. He expresses that Alan needs to keep his head low and not bring anymore attention to himself than he already has. Then he explains that he’s messing with him since Frostheim is not off the hook after “what one of ours did”. Alan says that they have a live one on their hands and Tohka remarks that he was more surprised that he got Jin to make a move.

The two, here, are discussing a couple of different topics. One about a spy. This one, we don’t have much information on. But it’s clear that Tohma (and Alan) are both trying to find a spy. He wants Alan to keep his head low and then says he’s teasing him since his own house had interfered. The topic shifts to Lucas and how he’s a bit on the wild side. But he seems impressed that Lucas got Jin to ‘make a move’. Something that Tohma had been trying to do for some time. Lucas, it seems, will be useful for Tohma.

Tohma asks Alan how his own new guys are holding up and Alan says he doesn’t understand them. Tohma jokingly calls him gramps and explains that one of them will likely become his Vice-Captain so he better train them well. Tohma notes that whoever works the best with MC will likely be given the role and how Alan has done well so far with handling everything on his own. He expresses that he hopes that the burden on Alan’s shoulders will be lightened.

Again, the two continue their casual but informative conversation with one another. It almost feels as if this is the most natural acting we see Tohma. He’s able to tease and even make little jokes. Even still, he treats it as business as well. Telling Alan that he needs to train his newbies well and that whoever will be made his Vice-Captain will be whoever works best with MC. And, furthermore, Tohma seems to find Alan hardworking. Expressing how he’s handled everything on his own. It feels almost genuine that he thinks highly of Alan.

Episode 2 Chapter 26, we learn Tohma was in Vagastrom until the middle of last year before transferring to Frostheim.

A small crumb of lore about Tohma and how he was formerly in Vagastrom before transferring last year. This shows that he was only recently put in Frostheim and how he is a Vice-Captain there.

Episode 2 Chapter 27, Alan gets a call and goes to meet up with Tohma in the car. He asks what he wanted and Tohma explains that Alan was the one to call him here, not the other way around. Leo soon cuts in and reveals himself to the two, stating that he’s the one who lured them both there. Alan and Tohma both reach for their artifacts and Tohma asks Alan to explain how Leo found out about their meetings.

Being secretive as always, Tohma seems to prepare to jump to fighting at the sudden eavesdropping. He is a bit disgruntled, it seems, by someone else having the upper hand on him. Having been tricked into meeting in the car with Alan only for them both to be duped.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo is quick to explain how he asked Alan if he could ‘join in on their fun’ and was told no. Tohma then remarks about how it had to be Leo who sent the message to meet, due to the lack of typos from Alan. Leo confirms this by saying they meet all the time but that Tohma is not in Alan’s contact list and his WickChat is under a different name. Tohma seems only mildly frustrated at how he’s explained to Alan multiple times to set a passcode for his phone.

It almost feels as if Tohma was underestimating Leo by feeling as if he only figured this out due to Alan’s lack of diligence. Putting the blame on the lack of password on his phone. But tension does seem to ease up slightly, since he seems to not take Leo as a serious threat here, when only moments ago him and Alan were both ready to attack if need be.

Leo questions why someone from Frostheim is meeting here- noting how Frostheim and Vagastrom are meant to be enemies and questions why Jin is not the one to have these little meetings. Tohma explains that one of his duties is to maintain relationships between houses has been entrusted to him by Jin and how he only reports to Jin if there’s a major issue. Then states the only reason Jin was there earlier was because he was looking after their new transfer student, as he’s taken him under his wing. Then Tohma notes that he has quite an unruly new first year.

Tohma cooly explains why he’s there rather than Jin and doesn’t seem to give more information than necessary. Again, it seems he’s underestimating Leo here.

Alan cuts in and explains how Leo is good with tech, that he didn’t teach him that, and earnestly responds to Tohma’s question of if he taught him that. Leo explains how it was sarcasm on Tohma’s part and asks if he’s sure that Tohma isn’t taking advantage of him. Leo then asks how much he extorted the “chick with the dad from Saionji Trading” and Tohma plays dumb, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Alan tells Leo to go back to his room and Leo snaps that he’s only trying to look out for him. Alan explains that Tohma has his own reasons for doing what he’s doing and to not meddle in his business.

Immediately, Leo does not trust Tohma. He seems to think Tohma has ulterior motives. Then goes on to bring up the fact that Tohma had extorted someone despite Tohma playing dumb at this. Despite this, Alan does not seem interested and says Tohma has his reasons for doing what he’s doing. So we see that here, Alan trusts Tohma and his intentions. And we also see that Leo does not trust him in the slightest and Tohma seems to underestimate him, in turn. Even as he’s called out for extortion, he simply plays dumb.

Episode 7 Chapter 19, MC runs into Zenji and Haku on campus and begins to converse with them. Tohma appears shortly into it saying, “My, my. What an interesting pair.” before commenting on the artifact that’s following Haku around (the doll) and how he’s heard Haku has personally taken up the investigation for it. Haku explains how it’s “in our wheelhouse” to investigate traditional artifacts. Tohma is quick to point out the use of “our” and MC internally notes that things feel tense.

Tohma displays here that he’s quick to pick up on unusual language usage (Haku saying ‘our’ when he’s currently alone from Tohma’s perspective) and the strange doll artifact following him. I think it’s clear that he thinks something is off and that Haku is hiding something.

Tohma then explains how he actually has business with MC and confirms that she’s currently working with Mortkranken. He then launches into an explanation that someone from Frostheim had passed away. Tohma says that it is in Frostheim’s best interest that the case MC and Mortkranken are working on be solved quickly but that Mortkranken had declined to do an autopsy on the body of the dead student. Haku asks why they refused and Tohma tells him to not act dumb and that they both know who made that call. Then Tohma says that Frostheim is willing to respect Yuri’s wishes but that they will not allow for someone to threaten their students and run off with personal information. MC notably is confused by this revelation.

Again, Tohma feels as if he has the upper hand here. He tells Haku to not play dumb- they both know it was Yuri who declined to do an autopsy. Then he also reveals information that someone (whom he suspects to be Jiro) had run off with personal information from Frostheim.

Episode 7 Chapter 20, Tohma notices MC’s confusion. He asks her if she was not aware of what had happened that night. Tohma replies with, “I had assumed an esteemed inspector such as yourself would be aware of the actions of your assigned house. Perhaps I had the wrong impression of you.” He then tells MC to relay a message to Yuri. That Frostheim will be giving their full support to Darkwick General Medical Center rather than Mortkranken.

Tohma is quick to call out MC’s incompetence, here. How he may have overestimated her abilities as an inspector. Then uses MC as a way to relay a message to Yuri on a subject he knows will anger the Mortkranken Captain. Again, showcasing his ability to use underhanded tactics to try and strong arm what he wants. And, either way, he wins. Either Yuri complies and does the autopsy or Yuri declines and he gets under his skin.

Rui soon appears behind Tohma, jokingly saying he’s surprised everyone here is being buddy-buddy and how it’s hilarious. Then he comments on how he finds it odd that Tohma was chatting with others since it was a rare sight and Tohma replies back, saying it’s even more odd that Rui is out and about considering his movements are restricted. Rui reminds Tohma that even though he’s been hiding, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep his eyes on everyone. Tohma then reveals that Rui’s artifact allows him to conceal himself in darkness and thanks Rui for the heads up. To which Rui replies with a simple, “no problem”.

Another tense conversation takes place. But this time it seems that Tohma does not feel he has the upper hand. Rui catches him by surprise and calls out his unusual ‘chatty’ behavior and Tohma tries to give his own witty remark about how Rui’s movements are restricted. Rui doesn’t seem put off or bothered by this comment and teases that he may be hiding but he still knows things. This whole exchange feels as if it holds multiple layers of meaning here. That it’s an attempt for them both to try and get under each others skin, only Rui seems to be unbothered where as Tohma feels more on the defensive here.

Rui changes the topic, speaking to MC to let her know he has a box for her to give to ‘Big J’ (Jiro) since he was at Obscuary last night looking for some herbs. Tohma seems confused by this, as he had believed Jiro to be at Frostheim that night and not Obscuary. Rui then goes on to state that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses and for Mortkranken to keep up the good work. Tohma only raises his brow at this comment and Haku mumbles out a “yikes”. Tohma then excuses himself and apologizes for interrupting the conversation before Haku tells him it was nothing important. He tells him good luck with chaperoning Jin and Tohma says it’s an honor to serve him and then departs.

This exchange is pretty charged. In one quick motion, Rui is able to knock Tohma off of his game. Both by saying that Jiro was at Obscuary the night before and that Darkwick General lowkey kind of sucks. Haku commenting “yikes” proves that the comment was rather scathing and Tohma is speechless. Instead of digging further, he retreats. The entire exchange almost shows that Tohma feels as if he cannot gain the upper hand with Rui. So much so that he’d rather leave than make the situation worse.

As it stands, these are the scenes that Tohma appears in and they start to really show us how Tohma is as a person. Through the various interactions he has with others and the actions he takes. The story makes it clear that he’s one to use everything to his advantage and likely the most genuine relationship he has is with Alan. Followed likely by Jin. Though- their relationship is complex and likely filled with multiple layers.

We also see that Tohma has prickly conversations with multiple ghouls such as Leo, Haku, Rui, and even Yuri to an extent (though through MC and not directly since it seems Yuri is avoiding them).

We also see that Tohma had some underhanded dealings with a student named Yumiko and it carries on throughout the Frostheim chapter and is even brought up again in the Vagastrom chapter. Extorting her for his gains.

Tohma has been displayed as someone who’s very clearly putting on an act- as called out by Jin- and uses others for his own benefit. Yet, he’s also someone who does value those who cannot defend themselves when he tells the kid that he’d protect him whether he could walk or not and to not beat himself over it.

He is a complex character with complex motivations.

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

What May Come to Pass

I want to quickly note that in this section, these are all my theories and predictions for the character path that Tohma may take in future chapters. There is a high chance some of these may be used as red herrings or simply not happen at all. But the fun in all this is to speculate, no? So please take this section with a grain of salt but enjoy it, all the same, as we explore these potential possibilities.

The Again Cat

As we discussed in the R Warding card, Jour Nekomata, one of the spellings for Nekomata breaks down into ‘again cat’. A reference to their multiple lives. Tokyo Debunker has clear themes on repetition and cycles. This theme carries on in Tohma with clear references to multiple lives. The theme also comes up with Tohma’s name, as well. Bridges being a representation from one transition to another; the ending of a cycle and the rebirth of another. With cats having multiple lives and bridges being a metaphor for going from one life to another- I can’t help but to feel that this connection is just a little deeper. While I don’t feel that Tohma is aware of these repeating cycles, I do feel like it’s too large of a theme to really ignore, at this point.

Betrayed By the Game

Now, I want to really focus on the multiple hints the game seems to remind us of Tohma’s deceptive nature. I feel it would not be out of Tohma’s nature to betray Jin. In fact, I feel as if it’s possible he’s already begun.

I want to start by discussing Yumiko and how that whole ordeal was handled in the story. So let’s go over that part step by step;

Episode 1 Chapter 12, we see Yumiko in the Frostheim Vaults running away from the anomalous chess pieces.

Episode 1 Chapter 13, Tohma denies knowing what person was inside the vault, at this time.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim with information on Jin being leaked.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma is attempting to call Yumiko but she isn’t picking up the call.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Jin confronts Tohma, thinking he was the one to betray him.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma states he is always on Jin’s side.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Yumiko was exposed as the one to leak information and was expelled.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Cornelius reveals it was Jin who had Yumiko expelled.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo exposes Tohma for extorting Yumiko.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Tohma pretends to not understand what Leo is talking about.

I have a hard time believing that an ordinary student had the ability to sneak into the vault without Tohma’s knowledge. Additionally, I’m curious as to where Yumiko was able to get such sensitive information about Jin from.

Would it be so hard to believe that Tohma had ‘planted’ the information for Yumiko to gain? I don’t think so. He’s been painted to us as clever and willing to use any means necessary to get what he wants.

Additionally, we hear about the sensitive information being leaked when Tohma was conveniently out handling mission affairs. He then attempts to call Yumiko but she doesn’t answer.

Why was he calling her, specifically, unless he knew she had the information? And, again, why would she have this information? Who would she get it from?

We only see her tied to Tohma, in the story.

Jin also suspects Tohma so much as to blatantly leave his room- a goal Tohma has been aiming for some time, now- to confront him. Tohma is quick to push blame onto his ‘dear friend that left his side’ when he was, moments ago, trying to contact Yumiko. He reassures Jin that he’s on his side.

Then we hear about Yumiko being expelled for leaking the sensitive information. We also learn that Jin was the one to have this happen and Tohma considers it a ‘light’ punishment.

Finally, we later find out from Leo that Tohma had blackmailed Yumiko. And then Tohma, once again, pretended to not know who Leo was talking about. He had used the same tactic when told that Yumiko was fleeing the vault.

Playing dumb is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Extortion is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Is it truly unbelievable that betrayal also would not be a tactic that Tohma uses?

I think what happened in this scenario was that Tohma had given Yumiko information on Jin about his mother. Then has Yumiko leak the information when he’s conveniently not there. Followed by trying to contact her- likely to blackmail her to not reveal where she got the information from- and then she falls for the information he wanted leaked all along.

The thing that throw this off is why did she run from the chess anomalies if he invited her?

Perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he simply hinted at information being in the vault and turned a blind eye to her ‘sneaking in’. What he didn’t account for was MC to ask about her. But he was able to play dumb.

Either way, I don’t have all the answers there. But I just find the whole thing very much tied up to Tohma. And his motives are more clear to me than a random NPC girl we only see a brief glimpse of.

Tohma had been trying to lure Jin to take action, after all.

Either way, Tohma betraying Jin is not something that I find far-fetched. Once he gets what he wants from Jin, will he find him of any more use? Only time can really tell.

Transition of Power

Speaking of betrayal- I find it very convenient that Tohma had also switched halfway through a year from one house to Frostheim and took over the Vice-Captain role. He also mentions to Jin about his ‘dear friend who left his side’. Whether that friend is Yuri or Haku- or even a third mystery party- feels irrelevant to me at this time.

With how often we’re shown that Tohma will do whatever necessary to reach his goals- would it be hard to believe that he set up Jin’s ‘dear friend’ to betray him (or leave his side)? To take over and ‘transform’ into that friendship role in their place?

We’ve seen him (presumably) set up Yumiko. Setting up others seems to be something he is familiar enough with.

And with the transition themes that pop up on Tohma, I find him transitioning from one role to another to be pretty commonplace. How he transitions is truly the key here. And betrayal does not seem far off the notch for me.

Cure for the Curse

Episode 1 Chapter 29, we see Tohma consume some mysterious pills. We don’t know what these pills are for or why Tohma is taking them. We can see clearly that Tohma had been fighting anomalies shortly before taking the pills. So I have a couple of thoughts on what they’re for;

Tohma has been cursed and is managing it through pills.

Multiple uses of the stigma breaks down the users body.

For the first one, Tohma being cursed and managing it through pills is not too out of the question. Especially when you consider what Rui says to him in Episode 7 Chapter 20 and the reactions both Haku and Tohma give.

That scene always sort of gave me the feeling that it was deeper than just a simple interaction. And when I thought about it, it started to make sense to me.

Tohma tells MC to relay to Yuri that Frostheim will be funding ONLY Darkwick General Medical Center going forward, due to their lack of cooperation. Then Rui blatantly states that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses.

Haku, who knows quite a bit about curses, responds with “Yikes…” and Tohma is silent before leaving.

Rui would likely be intimately familiar with how Darkwick General handles curses, considering he is cursed, himself. And there is some heavy tension between Rui and Tohma. Rui stating it’s weird for Tohma to be out and about (even in a campus hangout). Then Tohma trying to deflect by saying it’s weirder for Rui to be out (always implying his curse is the reason).

Could Rui be hinting that Tohma is also cursed?

Could the pills not be effectively working for Tohma and he knows this? Or could he be getting them supplied from Mortkranken secretly?

Either way… we know the comment that Rui said about Darkwick General knowing nothing about curses was enough to make Tohma back off and leave.

For the second one, there’s a little less to go off of. But we’ve seen Leo complain about his ears throughout the story and how they’re sensitive. Is it possible the more he uses his stigma, the worse the condition becomes?

And is Tohma perhaps using his stigma so much to the point of needing pills?

It’s possible.

But… I do think Tohma being related to curses, to some degree, and possibly even being cursed feels more likely. Especially with his tension with Haku and Rui. Both who are also quite knowledgeable on curses.

There are more things I could say here but I’ll leave it with these few things. But what I can say is that Tohma is definitely a secretive character that I expect us to learn more about in the coming chapters.

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Overview

As I researched Tohma, I felt there were a few reoccurring themes throughout his character.

Notable ones being; his ability to ‘blend in’ to any crowd and come across as unassuming, the deception he uses on others to further his goals, and transition or change.

I don’t think that Tohma is a villain. He is a complex character with unknown motives to us, the reader. But whatever his goals are, it’s clear he’ll do whatever he can to reach them. The game made this clear from the beginning.

Expecting deception and betrayal from Tohma should be expected.

But when we peel the layers back, what will we find behind the facade? Who is the real Tohma Ishibashi? Or has he lost his true self from the multiple attempts to blend in for his endless pursuit to complete his tasks?

Tohma mentions having grown comfortable with his game of pretend, to Jin. And he fits the role well enough. Always the ever-loyal Vice-Captain, as he often reminds Jin. Trust him.

The duality of deception is that when you try hard to trick others, how far will you go before you ultimately trick yourself?

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Final Author Notes

If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post. It feels a bit all over the place for me. But I still had fun working on it, all the same.

Again, if you don’t agree with anything I’ve said- that’s fine! Just be respectful, is all I ask.

I will say, Tohma is not my favorite character by any means necessary. But he is interesting and complex in a way that I do find fascinating. I expect to see an interesting story from him, whether it’s something I predict or not.

Anyways. Once again, thanks!

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Credits & Sources

[1] https://tokyodebunker.com/characters/ishibashi-tohma/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/TokyoDebunker/s/4M8H3o4Al0

[3] http://www.aseekersthoughts.com/2010/04/tower-as-symbol.html?m=1

[4] https://spiritualmojo.com/tower-spiritual-meaning/

[5] https://www.dreamdictionary.org/dream-dictionary/dreaming-of-bridges/

[6] https://daily-ink.davidtruss.com/bridging-metaphors/#:~:text=Or%20we%20find%20bridges%20as,get%20us%20over%20a%20challenge.

[7] https://www.reneeharmon.com/2023/02/15/stepping-stones/#:~:text=The%20metaphor%20of%20stepping%20stones,doesn't%20seem%20as%20daunting.

[8] https://www.scienceofpeople.com/signature-analysis/

[9] https://www.wikihow.com/Analyze-Handwriting-(Graphology)

[10] https://www.zodiacsign.com/zodiac-calendar/may/31/

[11] https://colors.dopely.top/inside-colors/beige-color-color-of-energy-and-strength/?amp=1

[12] https://www.figma.com/colors/beige/

[13] https://www.optometristsclinic.com/b/how-the-monacle-became-symbol-wealth-edmonton

[14] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contrived

[15] https://www.talknerdytome.com/blog/what-does-touching-your-face-mean-in-body-language

[16] https://dreammeaningai.com/en/symbol/zipper

[17] https://www.historyextra.com/period/ancient-egypt/why-do-we-say-crocodile-tears/

[18] https://www.symbols.com/symbol/crocodile

[19] https://thejapanbox.com/blogs/japanese-mythology/nekomata

[20] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nekomata

[yassbishimvintage]

Trick'n (Studio pt 2)

Warnings: Fluff, Smut

A/N: This is for the grown and sexy. Enjoy.

Word Count: 10.1k

Banner by @cafekitsune

Amari sits in her townhouse, her thoughts swirling as she absentmindedly stirs her drink. The past few days feel like a blur of emotions, decisions, and moments that are slowly becoming more complicated. She glances around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings of her space—the soft glow of the lights, the calm of the evening settling in. Yet, her mind keeps drifting back to Brendan and everything that’s unfolded between them.

The gift of the G-Wagon, the lingering moments of closeness, the kiss... it all feels like more than just a casual connection. She never imagined things would move so fast, especially when they had so much unspoken tension hanging between them. She thought she could keep things light, professional even, but now? It’s hard to ignore the pull between them.

She can’t help but smile at the memory of his easy grin when he handed her the key, his confidence and sincerity almost disarming. But with every action, with every gesture, she starts questioning where this all leads. He’s given her so much—more than she expected, more than she’s ready for. A part of her feels overwhelmed, another part feels grateful, and yet another part wonders if this is really what she wants.

Amari stands up and moves to the window, staring out at the quiet street. It’s a calm night, the city lights twinkling in the distance. She takes a deep breath, trying to clear her mind, but her thoughts are stubborn, always returning to Brendan. The way he looks at her, the way his touch feels, it’s undeniable. But does that mean she’s ready for more? Is she ready for the messier, deeper side of what they’re starting to build?

She turns back toward her couch, her eyes falling on the key sitting on the coffee table. It’s a symbol of his intentions—he’s not just giving her a car, he’s giving her something bigger, something more meaningful. It’s easy to feel torn when someone offers you everything, and yet, it feels like there’s so much she hasn’t figured out yet.

Her phone buzzes on the table, pulling her out of her thoughts. It’s a message from him: "Hope you’re good. Just wanted to check in."

Amari sighs, running a hand through her hair. She knows what she wants to say, but there’s a hesitation. What exactly does she want from this? What does she need? She could respond, keep it light, or she could dive deeper into what’s between them. It’s a choice she’s going to have to make sooner or later.

With another deep breath, she picks up her phone and starts typing.

The truth was, she had no idea where things were headed with Brendan. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized one thing: she couldn’t ignore the chemistry between them. She couldn’t pretend that his presence in her life didn’t make everything feel just a little bit more alive. But, she knew it was going to be a balancing act—between who she was, who he was, and the world they both occupied.

She glanced at her phone again. Another message from him popped up: "You still thinking about things? Or can I convince you to join me for dinner?"

She hesitated for a moment before typing back: "I’ll be there. But we need to talk."

She hit send, already knowing the conversation ahead wouldn’t be easy, but it was necessary.

Amari stood outside the door to Brendan’s penthouse, a mix of anticipation and apprehension settling in her chest. She had been thinking about this conversation for hours, replaying her pros and cons list, trying to decide how best to approach the situation. One thing was clear—she wasn’t walking into this blindly. She wasn’t just some fleeting moment in his life. But as much as she wanted to hold her ground, there was a part of her that still yearned for the connection they had.

She took a deep breath and knocked.

The door swung open, revealing Brendan standing shirtless in the doorway, his toned frame illuminated by the soft light of the apartment. He flashed that easy, confident smile that always made her heart skip a beat. In his hands was a plate of food, and the rich aroma of the meal hit her instantly.

“Hey, Mari,” he greeted her, stepping aside to let her in. “Dinner’s ready. Hope you’re hungry.”

Amari stepped inside, the warmth of the room wrapping around her. She noticed the dim lights, the table set with candles, and the relaxed vibe of the space. Despite his casual appearance—shirtless, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips—there was a certain charm to his laid-back demeanor.

She smiled weakly, but her mind was still on the conversation she needed to have. “You didn’t have to go all out,” she said, trying to keep her tone light, even though her heart was heavy with the weight of their unspoken issues.

He gave her a knowing look, his eyes soft but mischievous. “I didn’t think you’d mind,” he said as he moved to place the plate down on the coffee table. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Amari took a seat, her fingers brushing the edge of the plate before she glanced up at him. “We need to talk about us, Brendan.”

He paused, looking at her with an intensity that told her he was listening. His lips curled slightly, but there was something behind his expression—curiosity, concern, maybe even a hint of apprehension. He sat beside her, the space between them charged with tension. “Alright,” he said, his voice steady. “What’s on your mind?”

Amari took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts before speaking. “I’ve been thinking about everything. About us. About what we’re doing. I can’t pretend like things are just simple, like I’m not getting emotionally involved in something that feels... bigger than I expected.”

Brendan shifted slightly, leaning back as he gave her his full attention. “You’re not wrong. This thing between us—” He trailed off, seemingly weighing his words carefully. “I get it. It’s not just some fling for me either.”

She frowned, her gaze searching his face. “Then why does it feel like we’re both just caught up in something we don’t fully understand? Like you’re living this life that I’m not sure I’m ready for... or even if I can handle.”

Brendan’s expression softened, and he gently took her hand in his, his thumb brushing against her skin. “Mari, I get it. I know what I’m offering isn’t always... stable. My career, my life, it’s a rollercoaster, and I can’t promise that everything’s going to be perfect. But I’m not asking you to be a part of some mess. I just want you in my life. I want you with me. The rest, we can figure out.”

She looked down at their hands, her heart pounding in her chest. His words were sincere, but there was still so much uncertainty. She had questions that she needed answers to. “What happens when things get harder? When your schedule is even more chaotic? When the attention on you gets more intense? What happens when we can’t just turn everything off and pretend like we’re just two people having a good time?”

Brendan paused, the weight of her questions settling in the room. His voice was quieter when he spoke, but it held a sense of honesty that she couldn’t ignore. “I can’t promise that everything will be easy, Mari. But I can promise I won’t just walk away when it gets tough. You and me—we have something real. It might not be the easiest thing, but I want to try. Do you?”

She didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she looked into his eyes, searching for the truth behind his words. What they had was undeniable—intense, passionate, and full of potential. But could she trust herself to navigate the complexity of their connection? Could she handle being in his world, knowing that it would never be simple?

Finally, she spoke, her voice soft but firm. “I’m willing to try. But I need to know you’re all in. That this isn’t just some phase, that you’re not going to disappear when things get difficult.”

Brendan nodded, his grip on her hand tightening just slightly. “I’m in, Mari. I’m all in. And I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it.”

The tension between them seemed to ease, the air feeling lighter as they both sat there, surrounded by the quiet hum of the apartment. The future was still uncertain, but for the first time in a long while, Amari felt like she had a clearer sense of where she stood.

With a small, tentative smile, she finally said, “Alright. Let’s figure this out together.”

Brendan smiled back, his relief palpable. “Together.”

As Amari smiled, her gaze met Brendan’s, and for a moment, it felt like time had slowed. His hazel eyes, warm and intense, seemed to search her face, as if he were looking for something—reassurance, perhaps, or confirmation that she truly meant what she had said. She could see the sincerity in his expression, the vulnerability in his eyes that mirrored her own.

The way he looked at her made her feel seen—really seen—in a way that was both comforting and terrifying. It was like he could read her thoughts, understand the conflict in her mind without her saying a word. For a brief moment, the weight of everything they’d talked about seemed to lift, replaced by something softer, something more genuine.

She swallowed the knot in her throat, her heart fluttering as she reached out and gently touched his arm. The warmth of his skin under her fingertips sent a spark through her, grounding her in the present.

“I don’t know where this will go,” she said, her voice quiet but steady. “But I want to try. To see where it takes us.”

Brendan’s smile widened, and he leaned closer, brushing his lips against her forehead in a tender kiss. “That’s all I need to hear, Mari.”

His kiss lingered for a moment longer, and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to bask in the comfort of his touch. In that instant, everything else—the confusion, the uncertainty—seemed to fade away, leaving only the connection they had built together.

She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with a mix of playfulness and vulnerability. “So, are we going to eat, or are we just going to stare at each other all night?” she teased, trying to lighten the mood, though her heart still raced in her chest.

Brendan chuckled, the sound low and warm, before reaching for the plate of food on the table. “We can stare at each other later,” he said, his voice teasing but affectionate. “Let’s eat first. Then we can figure out the rest.”

Amari smiled, her anxiety eased for the moment, as she settled back into the couch, feeling a sense of peace she hadn’t expected. She was here, with him, ready to take the next step—whatever that might be. And for now, that was enough.

Later, as the evening settled into a quiet rhythm, Amari found herself sprawled out across Brendan’s chest, her head resting comfortably against him. The faint beat of his heart thumped softly under her ear, a reassuring sound that calmed her racing thoughts. The apartment was dimly lit, with only the soft glow from the city lights filtering in through the windows, casting shadows across the room.

Brendan’s arm was draped around her, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on her back, his touch slow and deliberate. It felt like the world outside was fading away, leaving only the two of them in this intimate, peaceful bubble.

She took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of his skin, the faint cologne he wore mixed with the smell of the food they’d shared earlier. The closeness, the softness of his touch, it made her feel both grounded and vulnerable in ways she hadn’t anticipated. She knew they had just begun to scratch the surface of whatever this was, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was more than just a fling.

Amari tilted her head to look up at him, catching his gaze. His hazel eyes were soft, almost sleepy, but there was something more—something unspoken between them that seemed to hang in the air.

“You know,” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “I never really thought about what I wanted in all this... I was too focused on the fact that I shouldn’t want it.”

Brendan’s gaze softened, his hand gently running through her hair. “What do you mean?” he asked, his voice low and soothing.

Amari hesitated, her fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. “I mean, I spent so much time convincing myself that I should stay away from someone like you... That it would just be a mess. But now… I’m not so sure anymore.”

Brendan’s fingers stilled on her back, but his expression didn’t change. “And now?” he asked, his tone patient, as if waiting for her to find the words.

She looked up at him, her heart hammering in her chest. "Now, I think... I think I might be ready to stop running from it. From us." Her voice trembled slightly, but there was a quiet confidence behind her words. "I’m not saying it’ll be easy. I’m not saying I won’t second-guess myself at times. But maybe it’s time I stopped overthinking it.”

A soft smile tugged at Brendan’s lips as he leaned down, brushing his lips against her forehead. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said quietly. “Because I’m not going anywhere, Mari. I’m here. And I’ll be here when things get complicated, when the world starts pushing against us.”

Amari closed her eyes, his words sinking in, and for the first time in a long while, she felt a sense of certainty. Despite the chaos that life would inevitably throw their way, she knew she wasn’t alone in it anymore. They had something, and it was enough for now.

Brendan’s hand continued to run through her hair, his touch gentle, comforting. “Let’s just take this one step at a time,” he murmured. “We’ve got time, Mari. We’ve got time.”

She nodded against his chest, the warmth of his embrace wrapping around her like a shield. There was still so much they didn’t know, so much uncertainty in the future. But for tonight, as she lay there in his arms, everything felt exactly where it needed to be.

Amari shifted slightly, her movements slow and deliberate as she adjusted herself, now straddling Brendan. The change in position brought them even closer, her knees resting on either side of his hips. She could feel the warmth of his body beneath her, the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath.

Brendan looked up at her, a mix of surprise and something deeper flickering in his hazel eyes. His hands instinctively moved to rest on her hips, a touch that was both grounding and possessive. There was a quiet tension in the air now, a shift in energy that pulsed between them.

Amari paused, her gaze meeting his, searching for something—confirmation, perhaps, or a sense of clarity. She was still feeling the weight of their conversation, the admission of vulnerability that had passed between them, but there was something undeniable about the chemistry that sparked whenever they were this close.

“You sure about this?” Brendan’s voice was low, almost a whisper, his hands gently brushing against her skin. His eyes held a mixture of curiosity and care, making sure she wasn’t just acting on impulse.

She nodded slowly, the quiet confidence she’d felt earlier now solidifying in her chest. “Yeah,” she whispered back, her voice thick with intent. “I’m sure.”

Without waiting for further confirmation, she leaned down, pressing her lips to his in a kiss that was gentle at first, as if testing the waters. But as they both deepened the kiss, the tension from earlier seemed to dissolve, replaced by a sense of urgency, a shared understanding that neither of them wanted to pull away just yet.

Her hands roamed to his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his skin, and his fingers tightened around her waist, guiding her movements. The energy between them shifted again—this time, it was as though the world outside had disappeared entirely, leaving only the two of them in this charged space.

She pulled back just slightly, her lips brushing against his, a soft exhale escaping her as she whispered, “I don’t want to hold back anymore, B.”

Brendan’s gaze darkened slightly, his breath shaky as he nodded, his hands running up her back, pulling her closer. “Then don’t,” he murmured, his lips capturing hers once more, this time with more intensity, more hunger.

The air between them grew thick with desire, each touch, each kiss, an exploration of unspoken emotions, a bridge between uncertainty and something real—something they both knew they couldn’t ignore.

Brendan’s expression softened at Amari’s words, the weight of her trust settling over him like a heavy, but welcome, responsibility. His hands gently cupped her face, his thumb brushing over her cheek as he met her gaze. There was no rush in the way he looked at her, just a quiet understanding and respect.

“I don’t take that lightly,” he said softly, his voice low but full of sincerity. “You mean more to me than you realize, Mari. I won’t do anything you don’t want, and I’ll make sure you’re comfortable with every step.”

Amari could feel the warmth of his words, the reassurance in the way he held her. In that moment, she realized that this wasn’t just about the physical. It was about connection, about trust, about the depth of what they were starting to build together.

She nodded, her heart steadying as she smiled down at him. “I know. I’m not afraid with you.”

Brendan smiled back, his hand moving to the small of her back to pull her in closer. “Good,” he whispered, brushing his lips against hers once more, as if sealing the promise they had just made. There was a mutual understanding now—this wasn’t just about the moment, but about the trust they were giving each other, the respect they would continue to show.

They were both learning and growing in this, but for now, all that mattered was the quiet connection they shared, the honesty of the moment, and the warmth of knowing they were both choosing to take this next step together.

As Amari smiled, the soft warmth of the morning light still casting its glow across the room, she shifted, leaning into Brendan’s chest. He stirred slightly at the motion, but didn’t fully wake, his arm instinctively pulling her closer as she nestled herself under him. She felt safe and content, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat soothing in the quiet morning.

She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the feeling of being wrapped in his arms, the connection they shared growing deeper with each passing day. There was a sense of calm between them, a peaceful reassurance that even though the world outside could be chaotic, here, in this space, they were just two people learning to trust and understand each other.

Brendan shifted slightly, his voice low and groggy as he mumbled, “You good?”

Amari smiled, her fingers lightly tracing the tattoos on his arm as she nodded, her body still relaxed against his. “Yeah,” she whispered, her voice soft. “I’m good. Better than good.”

He hummed in response, tightening his embrace, his lips pressing gently to her forehead in a silent gesture of affection. For a moment, there were no words, just the comfort of shared presence, both of them content to stay like this a little longer, wrapped in each other’s warmth.

It wasn’t just the emotional connection that made her smile—it was the understanding that they were building something real, something that went beyond the surface. And in that moment, with the quiet of the morning surrounding them, she felt more certain than ever that this was exactly where she was meant to be.

Amari watched as Brendan moved around the room, his energy a stark contrast to the stillness of the morning. She smiled softly, her eyes following the way his muscles flexed as he searched through his drawers. There was something about the way he carried himself, effortlessly confident yet grounded, that drew her in even more.

She wrapped the covers around her waist tighter, feeling the warmth of the fabric against her skin as she sat up in bed. Her thoughts lingered on the moments they’d shared last night, and the quiet morning they were now experiencing together. It felt surreal in the best way—like they were in a bubble that no one could touch.

Brendan glanced over his shoulder at her, catching her watching him. His lips curled into a playful grin, and he shrugged casually. “You look comfy there,” he said, his voice teasing but soft.

Amari couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound light and carefree. “I was just enjoying the view,” she replied, her gaze lingering on him, unabashedly appreciating how relaxed he seemed.

He chuckled, his eyes warming as he returned to his search. “I’m looking for my wallet,” he explained, pulling open another drawer.

Amari leaned back against the headboard, feeling a contentedness she hadn’t experienced in a while. She hadn’t expected to wake up like this, not so peaceful, not so sure about what came next. But as Brendan moved around the room, she realized that things didn’t always have to be figured out right away. They could just exist in the moment, and that was enough for now.

When he finally found what he was looking for, he turned back to her, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “You sure you don’t want to get dressed before I take you out for breakfast?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he noticed the way the covers pooled around her.

Amari rolled her eyes playfully. “Only if you’re paying,” she teased, her tone light.

Brendan grinned, his eyes softening. “Of course. Just don’t take too long,” he said, as he began to head for the door. “I’m starving.”

As he left the room, Amari leaned back, still feeling the warmth of his presence lingering in the air. There was something effortlessly comfortable about him, and for the first time in a while, she felt like maybe—just maybe—things were falling into place.

Brendan paused, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips as he looked at her. His gaze softened as he settled in closer, but there was a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Mushy?” he repeated, his voice low, teasing. “I’m just trying to show you how much I appreciate you, Mari.”

Amari raised an eyebrow, her smile widening as she pushed him playfully off of her. “Uh-huh. Appreciation, huh?” she said, rolling her eyes but still laughing lightly. “You don’t get to just turn it on and off like that, B. I already told you. We’re not doing this whole push-and-pull thing.”

Brendan chuckled, his eyes never leaving hers. He sat back, taking a moment to adjust himself, his playful expression melting into something more genuine. “Alright, alright,” he said, his tone softer. “I hear you. No more trying to be all sweet and cuddly if it’s gonna make you roll your eyes at me.”

She smiled, her arms crossing over her chest, but there was a certain softness in her gaze that wasn’t lost on him. “You’re not bad when you’re not being all dramatic,” she teased, nudging him with her shoulder.

“Hey,” he said, feigning offense. “I’m not dramatic. I’m just—” He cut himself off, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “—just trying to be here with you. And, yeah, maybe it’s a little different for me. But I can’t help it.”

Amari's expression softened at his words, and for a brief moment, the playful teasing gave way to something deeper. She could see the sincerity in his eyes, the vulnerability that he was letting slip through, even if he wasn’t always great at showing it.

“You don’t have to try so hard, B,” she said quietly, reaching up to touch his face. “You’ve got me already.”

The room fell into a brief silence, the air between them filled with unspoken understanding. There were no walls up now—just the two of them, navigating this complicated thing they were building together. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t easy, but it felt real. And for now, that was enough.

As Amari kissed him, her hands slid to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, a quiet yet powerful shift in the energy between them. The playful teasing melted into something more tender, more grounded, as their lips met with a deeper connection than before.

Brendan responded instinctively, his arms wrapping around her waist as he leaned into the kiss, his chest pressing against hers. There was no rush, no urgency—just the softness of the moment, both of them savoring the intimacy, feeling the warmth of each other's presence.

When they finally broke the kiss, their foreheads rested together, breaths mingling in the quiet space between them. Amari smiled, her fingers gently tracing his jawline as she met his gaze. "You know, you're not so bad when you're not being all dramatic," she teased softly, her voice laced with affection.

Brendan let out a quiet laugh, his hand brushing a strand of hair from her face. "I guess you’ve got me figured out, huh?" he replied, his tone light but his eyes filled with sincerity.

Amari shrugged, still smiling. "Not fully," she said with a playful gleam in her eye, "but I’m working on it." She leaned in for another soft kiss, this time lingering just a little longer, letting the kiss speak for everything they hadn’t said out loud.

It was moments like this that reminded her—there was something real here, something that didn’t need to be defined right away. She wasn’t sure where things were going, but for now, she was okay with letting them unfold naturally.

“Now I can say the Mid Sized Sedan is my boyfriend.” She says holding back a laugh. He gives her a fake hurt look. 

Amari laughed, a soft sound that bubbled from her chest. "Well, you’ve got all the features—good looks, reliability, and the ability to keep up with me when I need you to." She leaned in, pressing a light kiss to his lips. "Plus, you’re surprisingly comfortable."

Brendan chuckled, his arms tightening around her in a playful yet affectionate gesture. "You’re lucky I like the nickname," he said, his voice teasing but with a warmth that matched the softness in his eyes. "But if you keep calling me that, I might have to start charging you for the ride."

She rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. "You’re ridiculous," she teased, though there was an undeniable affection in her voice. "But you’re my ridiculous boyfriend, so I guess I’ll let it slide."

Brendan kissed her forehead, his hand gently brushing through her hair as he relaxed back into the bed. "I guess that makes two of us, then," he said quietly, his tone softening as he spoke the words he hadn’t quite expected to say, but found himself feeling anyway.

Amari looked at him, her heart fluttering at the thought of how naturally everything was falling into place. It didn’t matter what nickname he carried or what complications came along with their relationship. In this moment, it was just the two of them, and that was enough.

"Yeah," she murmured, leaning in closer. "It does."

Brendan chuckled softly, pulling her a little closer before letting her go with a playful smile. "Alright, alright. Go get your shower, Mari. I know I’m irresistible, but even I can't compete with a hot shower and some fresh clothes."

Amari rolled her eyes but smiled as she slid out of bed, the warmth of their moment still lingering in the air. "You’re lucky you’ve got that charm," she said, tossing him a teasing glance over her shoulder as she walked toward the bathroom. "Or you’d be getting the cold shoulder right about now."

Brendan laughed, his eyes following her as she disappeared into the bathroom. He stretched back onto the bed, his mind still lingering on their earlier conversation and the shift in their relationship. It felt different now—more real, more grounded. They weren’t just having fun or living in the moment anymore; they were finding something deeper between them.

He shook his head with a smile. "Cold shoulder? Yeah, right."

As the sound of the shower started, Brendan lay back, his thoughts drifting to the future and what it might hold for him and Amari. Whatever happened, he was starting to feel like he was ready for whatever was next.

A few days later she’s missing him. 

Amari sat on her couch, her legs tucked beneath her, absentmindedly scrolling through her phone. The TV was on in the background, playing a show she wasn’t really watching. Brendan was out of town for a shoot, and for the first time in weeks, she had a quiet evening to herself.

But her mind wasn’t quiet.

She couldn’t stop thinking about him. Specifically, about how they hadn’t crossed that line yet. She was surprised. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to—hell, she wanted to. Brendan wasn’t shy about his feelings either. The way he looked at her, touched her, kissed her—it was clear he was just as ready. Yet, somehow, they hadn’t gone there.

Her phone buzzed, breaking her thoughts. It was a text from him.

Brendan: Hey, you miss me yet?

She smiled, biting her bottom lip as she typed back.

Amari: Maybe. Why? You miss me?

The dots appeared, then stopped, then started again. Typical Brendan, always taking his time with the perfect response.

Brendan: Of course I miss you. Who else is going to keep me humble?

She laughed, shaking her head. He always knew how to lighten the mood, even from miles away. Still, her thoughts lingered on their relationship. They’d been dancing around the idea of taking things further, but something—maybe timing, maybe hesitation—always seemed to hold them back.

Why hadn’t they done it yet? Was he waiting for the right moment? Or was he afraid of messing up what they already had?

She sighed, setting her phone on the coffee table. The truth was, she liked what they had now, but she also couldn’t deny that the thought of being with him in every way sent a thrill down her spine. Maybe it was just a matter of time.

Her phone buzzed again.

Brendan: Be honest. You’re thinking about me right now, aren’t you?

Amari smirked, shaking her head as she typed her reply.

Amari: What makes you so sure?

His response came almost immediately.

Brendan: Because I’m thinking about you.

Her heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, she wondered if tonight would be the night they finally had that conversation. Even if he was out of town, it felt like they were closer than ever.

Amari stared at her phone, her thumb hovering over the screen as a smile played on her lips. Her heart was racing, the thought of finally addressing the unspoken topic between them both exciting and terrifying. She wanted to ask the question, but what if it made things weird?

Still, the way Brendan had been so open lately, his texts filled with warmth and teasing affection, gave her the courage she needed.

Amari: Can I ask you something?

She hit send before she could change her mind. The three dots appeared almost immediately.

Brendan: You can ask me anything, Mari. What’s on your mind?

She bit her bottom lip, staring at his words. Taking a deep breath, she typed out her response.

Amari: Why haven’t we, you know… done it yet?

She hit send, then immediately tossed her phone onto the couch as if it might explode. The seconds that passed felt like an eternity, and she almost regretted asking. But then her phone buzzed.

Brendan: You mean why haven’t we had sex yet?

Amari felt her cheeks heat up. Of course, he’d just say it outright.

Amari: Yeah. I guess I was just wondering if there’s a reason. Or if you’re waiting for something.

This time, the dots took longer to appear, and she held her breath, anxiously waiting for his reply.

Brendan: Honestly? I’ve thought about it. A lot. But I didn’t want to rush you. I know what we have is special, and I didn’t want to mess it up by moving too fast.

Her chest tightened at his words. Brendan wasn’t just some guy who was looking for the next thrill—he really cared about her.

Amari: I appreciate that. But you know, I’m not holding back because I don’t want to. I think I’ve just been waiting for the right moment too.

There was a pause before his next message came through.

Brendan: Maybe when I’m back, we stop waiting and just see where the moment takes us.

She smiled, her heart fluttering as she typed her response.

Amari: I’d like that.

For the first time that night, Amari felt at ease. Whatever happened next, she knew they’d handle it together.

Amari leaned back on the couch, her phone still in her hand as another thought hit her. Before anything else, she’d been Brendan’s hairstylist. It was how this whole thing between them had started—the playful banter, the lingering glances, and eventually, the deeper connection.

She smirked as she typed out a text.

Amari: You could use a retwist, by the way. Just saying.

It didn’t take long for his reply.

Brendan: Wow. I’m out of town for two days, and you’re already throwing shade?

She laughed out loud, shaking her head.

Amari: I’m just saying, B. Don’t forget who keeps you looking this good.

The dots appeared and disappeared before his message came through.

Brendan: How could I forget? You’re the one who has me sitting between your legs every other week.

Her cheeks flushed at the double meaning in his words.

Amari: Careful, or I’ll start charging extra.

Brendan: You already charge me in other ways, remember?

She rolled her eyes, her smile growing. He always knew how to keep the conversation light and playful, even when there was an undertone of seriousness.

Amari: Fine, but when you get back, I’m fixing that mess on your head.

Brendan: Deal. Only if it means I get to see you sooner.

Her heart skipped a beat at his response. She placed her phone on the coffee table, her mind drifting again. No matter how their relationship unfolded, she knew one thing for sure—Brendan always had a way of making her feel seen and wanted, whether it was in his texts or the way he looked at her during those moments in the shop.

It made her excited for whatever was coming next.

When Brendan finally got back to the city, Amari wasted no time texting him to come over. True to her word, she had her tools ready and a fresh jar of gel waiting.

He walked into her townhouse, his hazel eyes lighting up the moment he saw her. "You ready to fix this mess?" he asked, gesturing to his hair with a grin.

She smirked, rolling her eyes. "You’re lucky I care, B. Sit down."

Brendan dropped onto the floor between her legs like it was second nature, leaning back slightly as she started sectioning his hair. Her hands worked expertly, parting and twisting with precision. The familiar intimacy of the moment settled between them as they talked about his trip, her latest clients, and everything in between.

“Feels good to be home,” Brendan murmured, his voice soft and content.

She smiled, finishing one twist and moving to the next. “Feels good to have you back. You were starting to look wild out there.”

He chuckled, tilting his head to give her better access. “That wild look got me some compliments, though.”

Amari laughed, playfully tugging at one of the twists she’d just finished. “Yeah, well, those people clearly don’t know quality when they see it. Now hold still.”

The minutes passed in comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional hum of approval from Brendan as she worked. When she was done, she leaned back, admiring her handiwork.

“There. You’re human again,” she teased, brushing stray hair off his shoulders.

Brendan turned slightly, his hazel eyes meeting hers. “You always know how to take care of me, Mari.”

Before she could respond, his hands found her thighs, gently rubbing them as he stayed seated on the floor. His touch was slow and deliberate, his thumbs pressing into her skin in a way that made her breath hitch.

“B…” she started, but her voice trailed off as his hands slid a little higher, his gaze never leaving hers.

“You good?” he asked softly, his tone laced with a quiet intensity that sent a shiver down her spine.

She swallowed, nodding. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Good,” he said, leaning forward slightly. His hands stayed on her thighs, his touch both grounding and electrifying as he closed the small distance between them.

Neither of them moved to get up. The moment stretched on, heavy with unspoken words and unrestrained tension, until Amari finally gave in, leaning down to kiss him. Whatever came next, they both knew they were exactly where they wanted to be.

Amari tried to stay composed, but Brendan’s hands were doing things to her she couldn’t ignore. His thumbs rubbed slow, teasing circles into her thighs, and every time his hazel eyes flicked up to meet hers, it sent a jolt of heat through her.

She shifted in her seat, trying to focus on anything else, but the way he stayed on the floor, his strong frame relaxed between her legs, made it impossible to think straight.

"B…" she whispered, her voice shaky.

His gaze didn’t waver. “What’s wrong, Mari?”

She inhaled deeply, trying to steady herself, but it was no use. The warmth of his hands, the way his thumbs crept a little higher each time—it was all too much. "I can’t…"

"You can’t what?" he asked, his tone soft, almost teasing.

She bit her lip, her restraint dissolving with every passing second. “I can’t take it anymore,” she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Brendan’s lips curled into a slow, knowing smile. “Then don’t,” he said simply, his voice low and inviting.

That was all it took. Amari leaned forward, her hands finding his face as she kissed him with a desperation she couldn’t hold back anymore. He responded instantly, his hands gripping her thighs tighter as he pulled her closer.

She slid off the chair and onto the floor, straddling him as the kiss deepened. Brendan’s hands moved to her waist, anchoring her to him as her fingers tangled in his freshly retwisted hair.

“I knew this would happen,” he murmured against her lips, his voice husky.

“Shut up,” she replied breathlessly, pulling him closer as the last of her self-control slipped away.

The living room disappeared around them as they gave in to the moment, the tension that had been simmering for weeks finally boiling over. Neither of them cared about what came next—right now, all that mattered was each other.

Brendan’s hands slid up her sides, taking her shirt with them. When he lifted it over her head and tossed it aside, he froze for a moment, his hazel eyes taking in the sight of her. She was wearing a black lace bra—the one he’d mentioned was his favorite before.

He ran his fingers along the delicate material, a small, appreciative smile forming on his lips. “You knew I’d like this, didn’t you?” he murmured, his voice low and teasing.

Amari’s cheeks flushed, but she smirked back at him. “Maybe. Or maybe it was just laundry day.”

He laughed softly, his hands traveling to her back, tracing lazy circles along her skin. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

His lips found her collarbone, pressing soft kisses along the curve of her neck and shoulder as his hands explored the familiar contours of her body. Every touch, every kiss, sent shivers down her spine.

“You’re so damn beautiful, Mari,” he whispered against her skin.

She tipped her head back, her fingers digging into his shoulders as he moved lower, his lips brushing along the edge of the lace. The way he touched her, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered, made her heart race.

“Brendan…” she breathed, her voice trembling with need.

He looked up at her then, his eyes smoldering with a mix of affection and desire. “Tell me what you want,” he said softly, his hands resting on her hips, grounding her.

“You,” she whispered without hesitation, her hands tangling in his hair. “Always you.”

His smile widened as he pulled her closer, sealing her words with a kiss that left no room for doubt.

Brendan smirked, his hands gripping her hips a little tighter as he kissed the sensitive spot on her neck. “You sure about that?” he teased, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers through her.

Amari tilted her head back further, her body arching into him. “Yes,” she said, her voice breathy but firm. “Fuck this foreplay, B. I need you. Now.”

His smirk turned into a grin as he looked up at her, his hazel eyes dark with desire. “Well, if that’s what you want…” he murmured.

Without another word, he stood up, taking her with him as if she weighed nothing. Amari wrapped her legs around his waist, her fingers clutching his shoulders as he carried her effortlessly toward the bedroom.

“Brendan—” she started, but he cut her off with a kiss so deep it stole her breath.

When he reached the bed, he gently laid her down, his body following hers as he hovered over her. “No turning back now,” he said, his voice low and serious, though the corner of his mouth quirked up in a teasing smile.

She reached up, pulling him down to her. “I wasn’t planning to.”

Their bodies moved together, the tension that had been building between them for so long finally snapping as they gave in to everything they’d been holding back. Time seemed to stop as the world outside faded away, leaving only the two of them in the heat of the moment. Moans and skin slapping was all that filled the room. 

Amari blinked awake, her body still deliciously sore from the night before. The sunlight streaming through the blinds made her squint as she adjusted to being awake. She shifted slightly, realizing she was sprawled out in her bed, her covers barely clinging to her.

Turning her head, she saw Brendan sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed in his boxers and one of his favorite hoodies. His broad back was to her as he tapped away on his phone.

"Morning," she murmured, her voice still heavy with sleep.

He glanced back over his shoulder, his hazel eyes softening when they met hers. “Morning, beautiful,” he replied with a small smile.

She stretched lazily, her body still buzzing with the remnants of last night. “What are you doing?”

“Texting my manager,” he said, holding up his phone briefly before turning his attention back to the screen. “She’s asking about studio time later today.”

Amari sighed, propping herself up on one elbow. “You’re already working?”

He chuckled and set his phone down for a moment, turning to face her. “Gotta stay on my grind, Mari. You know how it is.”

She reached out, tugging playfully at the hem of his hoodie. “Yeah, but can’t your grind wait for breakfast in bed? Or… you know, round two?”

Brendan’s grin widened, and he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “As tempting as that is, I gotta handle this first. But don’t worry,” he added, his voice lowering as he kissed her again, this time on the lips. “I’ll make time for you.”

Her heart fluttered at his words, and she smiled against his mouth. “You better.”

He pulled back, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “Always.”

As Brendan stood up, preparing to grab his jeans from the nearby chair, Amari reached out, her fingers slipping into the waistband of his boxers. She tugged gently, a sly smile spreading across her face as she leaned back against the pillows.

“Leaving already?” she teased, her voice soft but playful.

He paused, glancing down at her with an amused smirk. “I told you, Mari, I gotta handle this,” he said, though he didn’t make a move to step away from her touch.

She tilted her head, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “You’re really going to leave me here like this? After last night?” Her fingers trailed along the edge of the waistband, sending a shiver up his spine.

Brendan let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “You’re trouble, you know that?”

She grinned, tugging at the waistband a little more insistently. “Maybe. But you like it.”

He leaned over her, bracing his hands on either side of her body as he met her gaze. “You’re making it real hard to leave right now.”

“That’s the point,” she said, her voice dropping into a whisper as her fingers toyed with the fabric.

For a moment, he hovered there, torn between his responsibilities and the undeniable pull of her presence. Finally, he let out a resigned sigh and kissed her deeply, his hands sliding to her waist.

“Fine,” he murmured against her lips, “but only for a few more minutes.”

Amari laughed softly, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him closer. “That’s all I need.”

As Brendan finally left with a lingering kiss and a promise to call her later, Amari flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. She let out a long sigh, the faint scent of his cologne still clinging to her sheets.

For a moment, she stayed there, basking in the afterglow of his presence and the memory of the night before. But reality crept back in. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, reminding her of the packed schedule ahead.

With a groan, she dragged herself out of bed, stretching as she made her way to the bathroom. “Alright, Amari,” she muttered to herself, splashing water on her face. “Time to get it together. You’ve got clients waiting.”

After a quick shower, she threw on her go-to stylist outfit���something comfortable yet chic—and tied her braids up into a neat bun. As she gathered her tools and checked her appointment book, her mind kept drifting back to Brendan.

She shook her head, smiling to herself. “Focus, girl,” she whispered. “You’ve got work to do.”

By the time she walked into her salon, the familiar hum of chatter and the smell of hair products snapped her back into her professional zone. Her first client was already waiting, scrolling on her phone.

“Hey, Mari!” the client greeted, looking up. “Ready to work your magic?”

Amari smiled warmly, setting her tools on the counter. “Always,” she replied, pushing thoughts of Brendan to the back of her mind—for now.

During a brief lull between clients, Amari slipped her phone from her pocket. She smiled when she saw it was a text from Brendan.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about last night… You’re still on my mind.”

Her heart fluttered as she typed a quick reply. “I’m flattered. You’re still on mine too.”

Almost instantly, his response pinged back. “I know you’ve got clients, but when you get a moment, can I see you later?”

Amari bit her lip, considering for a moment. She had a few more appointments, but there was something about him that made her want to say yes without hesitation. She glanced at the clock—she still had some time before her next client arrived.

“I’d like that. Let me wrap up here first, and I’ll text you when I’m free.”

Brendan’s reply came almost immediately. “Looking forward to it. I’ll be waiting.”

Amari smiled, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. As much as she tried to focus on her work, her mind couldn’t help but wander back to Brendan—his smile, the way he made her feel… and what could happen next.

By the time Amari finished her last client of the day, the evening was settling in. She felt a mix of exhaustion and excitement as she quickly tidied up her station and grabbed her bag. A quick glance at her phone revealed a text from Brendan.

“I’m already at the spot, waiting for you. Can’t wait to see you.”

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. She typed back quickly. “Be there in 20.”

After a quick change into a simple yet stylish outfit, Amari made her way to the restaurant. It was a cozy, upscale spot known for its quiet ambiance and excellent food, a place Brendan often chose when he wanted to get away from the chaos of his life.

When she walked through the door, her eyes scanned the room until they landed on him sitting at a corner table, looking effortlessly handsome. His hazel eyes locked with hers, and he stood up with a smile, greeting her as she approached.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, his voice warm and inviting as he kissed her cheek.

“Hey, you,” she replied, feeling a flutter in her stomach. She slipped into the seat across from him.

Brendan’s gaze lingered on her for a moment, and she noticed a quiet admiration in his eyes. “You look stunning, as always.”

“Thanks,” Amari smiled, settling in. “You clean up well yourself.”

He chuckled, glancing at the menu. “I wanted to make tonight special. So, what’s your vibe? Something light, or are you ready for a feast?”

She laughed softly, glancing at the menu as well. “I’m thinking something hearty tonight. I’ve been craving steak all day.”

Brendan grinned, knowing exactly what she was referring to. “I’ll take that as a challenge. You know I’m a steak guy.”

As they talked over dinner, the conversation flowed easily. It was casual yet filled with moments of genuine connection—laughter, teasing, and quiet glances shared between bites of food. Amari found herself relaxing in a way she hadn’t expected, enjoying the simple act of being with him without any pressure.

When the meal was over, they lingered over drinks, talking about everything and nothing. Brendan seemed at ease, and Amari felt the same way. The connection between them felt deeper now, like a shared understanding and unspoken promise.

“So, what’s next?” Amari asked, her voice softening.

Brendan looked at her, his eyes reflecting something more than just the fun of the evening. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this night to end just yet.”

She smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. “Neither do I.”

With that, the night began to feel like it was just the beginning of something new, something real.

“You still owe me for round two. But I’ll settle for a make out.” she says.

Brendan grinned, clearly amused by her words. "Oh, so now you're keeping score, huh?" he teased, his fingers gently brushing her arm as he pulled her closer. "Guess I’ll just have to make it up to you tonight."

Amari raised an eyebrow, her playful smirk never faltering. "You better, B. I’m not going to let you off easy after this morning’s… 'round one'."

He chuckled, his hand cupping her cheek as he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a slow, deliberate kiss. "I’m up for the challenge," he murmured, his voice low and confident.

Amari couldn't help but smile into the kiss, the tension of the morning finally melting away. It was as if all the teasing, all the playful banter, had led them here—right where they both wanted to be.

"Just remember," she said, pulling back just slightly, her eyes sparkling with mischief, "You promised a long night of making up for it. No backing out now."

Brendan leaned in again, his lips finding hers with a renewed intensity. "No backing out," he murmured against her lips. "I plan to keep every promise I make to you, Mari."

And with that, the night stretched out before them, filled with promises, laughter, and the kind of chemistry they both had been craving.

A few days later she’s standing at his door. She hears Jacquees’ ‘No Questions.’ playing through the door. 

The soft, rhythmic beats of Jacquees' "No Questions" filled the room as Amari and Brendan found themselves nestled together on the couch, the dim lighting of the penthouse casting a warm glow over the space. They were both still feeling the lingering energy of the day—the shoot, the playful chemistry between them, and now, this quiet moment together.

Brendan pulled her closer, his fingers tracing the line of her arm as she leaned into him, her head resting against his shoulder. She could feel the tension of the day melting away, replaced by the soft hum of intimacy.

"You were amazing today," Brendan whispered into her ear, his breath warm against her skin. "The way you just owned that shoot... I couldn’t stop watching you."

Amari smiled, a soft blush creeping across her cheeks. She wasn’t used to this side of Brendan—the way he could be both the intense artist and the caring, attentive man in front of her. But tonight, it was just them, no pressure, no cameras, just the music, and the feeling of being close.

"I love when you say stuff like that," she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she shifted to face him. "Makes me feel like I’m really a part of this, you know?"

He cupped her face gently, his thumb brushing along her jawline. "You’re more than a part of this, Mari. You’re everything."

The song played on, its sensual beat matching the quiet, passionate exchange between them. There was no need for words, just the shared understanding that this moment was theirs. As the music swirled around them, Brendan leaned in and kissed her softly, their lips moving in sync with the rhythm of the song. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the connection they shared.

"No questions," he murmured against her lips, the lyrics of the song perfectly echoing their unspoken bond. "Just you and me."

As Amari settled into his lap, her body relaxed, and she closed her eyes, savoring the peace and comfort of the moment. The sound of Jacquees’ smooth voice blended with the soft rhythm of the music, creating the perfect backdrop for their quiet time together. She could feel Brendan’s warmth radiating through her, the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath her as he stroked her hair with a calm tenderness.

For once, there were no distractions, no demands pulling them in different directions. Just the soft glow of the penthouse lights, the hum of the music, and the feeling of being safe and cherished in his presence.

Brendan watched her, his eyes soft as he traced small circles on her arm, lost in the stillness of the moment. He could tell she was content, and that peace between them was something he never wanted to lose.

"You’re perfect like this," he said quietly, almost to himself, as he continued to play with her hair. "So calm, so beautiful... I just want you to always feel this safe."

Amari smiled faintly, her lips curving as she gazed up at him. “I do. I feel like I can be myself with you. No pressure, just... us.”

Brendan’s heart softened at her words, and he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "That’s all I want, Mari. Just you."

The song played on, and they stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s company, neither needing to say anything more. In that moment, they were everything to each other, and it felt like the world could wait.

Amari rubbed her eyes, groggily sitting up in bed as the sunlight filtered through her curtains. She stretched, then froze when she noticed the delivery outside her door. Curious, she quickly got up and walked over, finding a bouquet of fresh flowers—roses, lilies, and some baby’s breath—arranged beautifully, their vibrant colors almost glowing against the sleek Louis Vuitton box placed next to them.

Her heart skipped a beat as she carefully bent down to pick up the box. It was heavy and well-packaged, sealed with the signature LV logo. She bit her lip, a smile spreading across her face as she wondered what Brendan could have sent her.

She brought the items inside and sat on the couch, the flowers resting on the coffee table beside her. Slowly, she opened the box, revealing a stunning leather bag—an elegant and timeless piece that instantly caught her eye. It was a classic Louis Vuitton Speedy, the rich monogram canvas shining with perfection. Amari’s breath caught in her throat as she ran her fingers over the smooth, luxurious leather handles.

A note was tucked inside the bag, and she unfolded it carefully:

"For my beautiful Mari. I know we’re figuring things out, but I couldn’t help but show you how much you mean to me. I’m thinking of you always. – B"

Her heart warmed as she read the note, the gesture leaving her feeling both cherished and slightly overwhelmed. She had always appreciated his thoughtful side, but this... this was next level. She could feel how much he cared for her in every stitch of that bag, every petal of the flowers.

She smiled to herself, her fingers still tracing the bag’s edge. Her thoughts drifted back to last night, the softness of his words, the comfort of his presence, and how easily everything felt with him.

What are we doing, B? she thought, unsure but excited to see where this connection was leading them. Still, she couldn’t deny how much she loved the attention, the gifts, the thoughtfulness. It felt real, and she felt wanted in a way she hadn’t expected.

As she texted Brendan a quick thank you, she knew she’d have to figure out what all this meant for them, but for now, she could just enjoy the moment and the man who was clearly more than just a passing chapter.

Amari stood behind her chair in the shop, glancing at the clock as she finished organizing her tools and equipment. It was a quiet morning, the usual hum of the shop barely audible as she prepped for her next client. Brendan had left town for a few days, leaving her to handle her work on her own. She wasn’t exactly complaining—she was used to working solo, but there was a lingering thought in her mind.

After the last few days, the gifts, the intimacy, the way things felt when they were together, it was hard not to wonder what the future held for them. Her mind kept drifting to that note he had written, how he’d thought of her even when they weren’t physically together. It made her feel special, but also uncertain about the space between them. She wasn’t used to feeling this vulnerable. With clients constantly in and out, and the music from the speakers keeping her grounded, it was easy to keep busy and push thoughts aside.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out to see a text from Brendan.

“Just wanted to check in on you. How’s the day going? Miss you.”

She smiled softly at the message, her fingers lingering over the keys as she thought about her reply. She missed him too—more than she had expected. She typed back quickly.

“It’s good. Quiet, but that’s a blessing some days. Miss you too. Can’t wait for you to get back.”

She hit send, leaning back in her chair as she waited for her client to arrive. As she stared at the phone, another thought crossed her mind. What was she really looking for in this? She’d always kept things casual, enjoying the attention and the fun. But with Brendan, it was different.

She let out a soft sigh, mentally shaking off the thoughts. For now, she had to focus on the work in front of her. There would be time to figure things out when the time came.

Tags 🏷️

@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @avoidthings @nayesworld @haechvn @writingsbytee @grlsbstshot @ovohanna24 @skvrpion @megamindsecretlair @notpradagurl7 @kimuzostar @kenshisluvrgirl @planetblaque @pocketsizedpanther @bimbosnbutterflies2026 @chewingmy3xtragum @easybrezzy @blowmymbackout

[lasttree-garsennon]

Arrey beti pushpa kaha Jaa Rahi ho apne gadhe par baith kar

[demaparbat-hp]

Oh, Lala...

[winnie-the-monster]

Outlander quotes that feel so Elucien coded to me:

“I can bear pain, myself, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have.”

“Ye werena the first lass I kissed,” he said softly. “But I swear you’ll be the last.”

“I wanted ye from the first time I saw ye—but I loved ye when you wept in my arms and let me comfort you, that first time at Leoch.”

“I am your master…and you’re mine. Seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own.”

“It has always been forever, for me, Sassenach.”

“Do ye not understand?” he said, in near desperation. “I would lay the world at your feet, Claire—and I have nothing to give ye!”

“You are my courage, as I am your conscience,” he whispered. “You are my heart—and I your compassion. We are neither of us whole, alone. Do ye not know that, Sassenach?”

“Your face is my heart Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul.”

[theflopwonder]

Me, naively: Omg haha what if I wrote a fic abt the party at the fortress of solitude in superman/batman 26 as an excuse to do some Tim & Kon character study?

Me, after reading 4 separate comic runs from 4 different editorial teams who were OBVIOUSLY not talking to each other AT ALL to try and figure out the timeline & other logistics of this party: WHO THE FUCK FUCKED UP THIS HOUSE LIKE THIS GOOD GOD??????????

[starsaroundsouth]

thinking about brookyln’s hair colors.

[courtney-deserved-better]

telling myself i can't start another tdwt rewrite but dear god do i want to write one focusing on alejandro and courtney in this weird situationship thats a lot more nuanced than just alejandro manipulating courtney and her falling for it. like theyre best friends they dont trust each other theyre the same person they dont know anything about the other one theres a mutual attraction theyre pining for other people theyre codependent they dont care about each other theyre platonic soulmates like i just want to do a deep dive into how messy that relationship couldve been building off of their friendship that exists in my head except the line between romantic and platonic is so fucking blurred they have no idea what they are to the other person

[batsplat]

*falls to my knees* valentino read agassi's book omg