#december recs

[imtryingbuck]

Oh my heart! I love this!

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

Summary: You finally confess your feelings to Bucky, hoping he might like you back. He turns you down.

Pairing: Bucky x Female!Avenger!reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Mentions of heavy drinking, no other significant warnings really without spoiling the plot 🤫

Word count: 6.5k

A/N: If you enjoyed this one, please do leave a comment / feedback / reblog! ❤️

Loving Bucky was like drinking honey. It was warm and comforting, sweet and overwhelming for your senses. You looked forward to seeing his face everyday and adored hearing him laugh, his whole face creasing when he doubled over at something funny you had said.

He had become an unlikely close ally since you joined the team. More than just a colleague. The time you’d spent together in the last year had been a defining period for you, as you had really grown to treasure his presence in your life.

God, the way this man made you feel. You didn’t think you’d ever be lucky enough to meet someone who would make you so happy.

It would be even better if you actually had the gall to tell him how you felt.

Being emotionally vulnerable was difficult. You wanted more, but it was scary. However, you recalled a piece of advice that one of your college professors had told you years ago, wise words which stuck with you. If you never try, the answer will always be no.

You had it set in your mind that you were going to tell him. You were, but maybe not today. You would wait for tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Your inner turmoil was frustrating. You fought androids and aliens and god knows what else, but you were afraid of this?

It could mess everything up, you reasoned. If he didn’t return your feelings, then you would make everything awkward, and maybe you would lose him even as a friend. You didn't know if you could handle that.

Despite this, a tiny hopeful voice in your head told you that Bucky felt the same about you. The way he always looked for a reason to spend time with you, how he shared his deepest secrets with you. The way you always partnered up on missions, and how you always had each other's backs. The way he comforted you when you were sad, allowing you to cry on his chest, soothing fingers stroking your hair.

When you first joined the team, he had been the first one to properly befriend you. Your first encounter was in the kitchen, where you had ended up in the middle of the night after being unable to sleep.

You were shocked to see Bucky propped up on a breakfast stool at the kitchen island, book in hand. You had waved nervously at him, going over to the fridge to get a carton of chocolate milk.

“Can’t sleep?” he grunted. You glanced to see what it was reading, seeing 'The Hobbit' embossed in gold letters across a hardback cover.

“Yeah,” you said softly, tugging down at the hem of your sleep shirt. You hadn’t exchanged many words with him at this point, but he seemed friendly enough. “You want a glass?”

He contemplated for a second before he nodded. “Sure.”

You ended up sitting opposite each other, glasses of chocolate milk in hand.

“How come you’re awake?”

Bucky smiled wryly. “I have trouble sleeping.”

“Nightmares?”

“Something like that.”

You hummed to yourself, taking a sip of the sweet beverage. There was something childish but comforting about chocolate milk - you always used to have it with your mom when you were small.

“How you feeling?” Bucky asked, breaking the silence. “Settling in?”

You nodded, the grip around your glass tightening. “Yeah, kind of. Everyone’s nice.”

Bucky seemed to know that you wanted to say more, silently promoting you with his eyes to continue.

“Everybody seems very tight knit - I guess that makes me a bit nervous? Trying to fit in.” You looked down, chewing on your lower lip. "I've always had a bit of trouble with that."

“I get you,” Bucky said, eyes still observing you. They were the color of cobalt - stunning. “Don’t worry. I think you’ll do just fine.”

That was the first meeting, and since then, you had only grown closer to him. Your mid-night conversations were a frequent occurrence. At least once or twice a week, you’d find each other in the kitchen at ungodly hours. Over time, you had introduced other activities to pass the time - board games, watching TV shows, fun idle gossip. Each time, you were always accompanied by chocolate milk.

“My mom died when I was six,” you had told Bucky during one of your late night rendezvous, half a year into your time with the team. “I don’t have many memories of her, but I remember that whenever I was sick or sad, she would have chocolate milk with me. It always cheered me up.”

You exchanged nuggets of information about each others pasts, and soon, you were sure that Bucky knew enough about you to write your biography. You felt surprisingly fine, opening up to him about anything and everything.

The seasons passed in a flash, and it was suddenly the one year anniversary of your joining the team. You found Bucky in the kitchen once again, at 3AM on a Thursday. You had a smile ready on your face, though your limbs ached. They were littered with bruises and cuts from your latest mission, but seeing him put a bounce in your step.

Bucky was staring down at his phone, the glow illuminating his face in the semi-darkness. It was chiming loudly with notifications, his expression unreadable.

“What’s that?” you asked, making your presence known.

Bucky already had a glass of milk out for you. He placed his phone down, grimacing.

“Sam got me doing this online dating thing,” he said casually. Your smile fell, unable to hide your surprise. “Modern dating is kind of crazy. Women are so much bolder than in the 40s."

Online dating? What?

“I didn’t know you started online dating,” you said, trying to keep your voice light. You didn’t even know Bucky was Iooking to date. You were deflated - any hopes that Bucky returned your crush were promptly dashed. You tried to swallow your disappointment.

“I wasn’t, really,” he said. “I guess it’s not the worst idea, though.”

Damn you, Sam Wilson, you thought.

“You meet women in real life all the time,” you said, taking your usual seat across him. “No one catch your interest?” You played nonchalantly with your fingers, trying not to pick your nails - a nervous habit.

Bucky pursed his lips, eyes landing on you for a moment before he looked at the ceiling.

“Ah, I don’t know.”

“You met anyone nice so far?” you probed, your jealousy spiking.

“Early days,” he responded. He slid his phone across the surface of the island, showing you the dating app he had open. The girls were plentiful, all beautiful and clearly enthusiastic. Bucky’s inbox was full of flirtatious greetings, but you noticed he hadn’t yet responded to a single one.

“Hmm.” You struggled to keep your face neutral. You felt the sinking realization that he must have never thought of you that way. Otherwise, why would he be looking for someone when you were right there?

You couldn't focus properly on the conversation anymore, your mind racing as Bucky moved the topic onto something unrelated.

Fantasising about Bucky had been dangerous. You had spent so much time imagining the day you would finally confess, and he would reciprocate your feelings and you would have the happy relationship you yearned for. Even if you didn’t confess first, you were hoping he would.

Up until now, you had sometimes told yourself that Bucky was just being patient. That he was old-fashioned, so he was taking his time in courting you.

You realized now that you were simply never considered an option.

The next few weeks were torturous. Christmas was fast-approaching, but you were far from being in the festive mood. You had to put on a front with Bucky now, pretend everything was alright and not feel too tempted to ask about the progress of his dating life. Things were tough, and you were feeling unhappier day by day.

You had always known, deep down, that your feelings for him were more than just a crush, and had been for many months. It ached, the feeling of knowing your emotions were not returned.

One horrible part of you wondered why. Were you not sexy enough? Not smart enough? Not charming enough?

Maybe all of the above.

Seeing Bucky nowadays made you ache. You found yourself feeling sad whenever he cracked jokes with you, shared his thoughts with you, when the backs of his hands brushed against yours as you walked side by side.

He would find someone that he actually wanted to be with, to do all that and more. It wasn’t his fault, and you knew he had no idea that you were in so much pain, that he had single handedly eviscerated you.

Tony's Christmas party was a perfect opportunity to drown your sorrows. So cliché. You knew it was a bad idea, but that didn't stop you knocking back drink after drink by the bar, ignoring Natasha's requests to dance. After all, if all the Hollywood rom-coms you had watched were any indication, this was one of the key steps to getting over a guy.

The party was kicking off, and the room was spinning like a ride at a fairground. Your alcohol tolerance had always been low, and now you were paying for your actions. Your skin was burning hot and prickling, and you were struggling to walk straight. Although, this was exactly what you wanted - it was somehow cathartic, purging you of all the pent of frustration inside.

A dark figure appeared in your eye line. Your vision refocused until you realized who it was - your favorite, handsome face was looking very annoyed right now, mouth set in a firm line.

“You’re drunk,” Bucky stated, his voice filled with annoyance.

“Duh.”

“I’m taking you back to your room,” he said, his hand latching around your bicep.

“No,” you said indignantly, jerking away. Your face blanched at the sudden movement. “I don’t feel well."

Bucky rolled his eyes, opting to steer you towards the balcony instead for some fresh air. He shut the French doors behind you, allowing the silent night air to consume you, isolating the two of you from the crowd.

“Sit,” he said, gently helping you down onto a wrought iron bench. “What were you thinking? You know you can’t drink.”

“I know.”

“Something wrong?” Bucky knew that the answer was yes - there was no other reason for you to be drinking unless you were upset or mad.

“I wanted to forget,” you croaked, leaning your head back to get a proper look at him. The sight of him devastated you. He looked so beautiful, so far out of your reach.

“Forget what?”

You stared up at the ink black sky, at the stars. The night air was cool against your burning skin. Everything was quiet, save the sound of his breathing in your ear as he leaned close to you. In that intoxicated moment, you thought you had nothing to lose, forgetting that Bucky was truly your everything.

“How much I love you,” you whispered, tilting your head to look at him through beseeching eyes.

Bucky sucked in a breath of air. His entire stance became rigid at your words. The way you stared at him imploringly confirmed that he hadn’t misheard.

“How long?” He was frowning even as you gave him a trembling, sad smile.

“A long time.”

He raised his hand as if he wanted to touch you, but settled it back down on his thigh. Your face crumpled at his obvious discomfort.

“I don’t know what to say,” he breathed.

Those words alone were enough to make your throat tighten and the needles in your chest multiply ten-fold.

“Tell me you feel the same way,” you said suddenly. It was a plead. You hated how desperate you were in this moment, but you needed him to know how you felt, and you needed to know whether you had a chance. Call it liquid courage, but you felt like you had nothing to lose when you grasped one of his calloused hands in yours.

Bucky was silent for a long time, staring at you with sadness and regret in his eyes. You hated how uncomfortable you must’ve been making him. God, what were you thinking, burdening him with your feelings and putting him in this position? You scolded yourself mentally, feeling nauseous.

Your hand was tight around his, your knuckles white. With every silent second that passed, your fingers loosened, falling limp. His hand was warm, yet you had never felt so cold.

He pulled his hand free, clenching it into a fist.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally. Each word was a knife sinking into your chest. The realization hit you suddenly, thick and sour.

You felt bile rise in your throat. You stood up then, the floor shaking beneath you. You almost collapsed.

“Be careful - ”

“Oh god,” you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”

You darted away with surprising speed, wrenching the doors open and hurrying back inside the room. You ignored the sounds of him calling you as you rushed through the crowd, trying to put one foot steadily in front of you and praying you wouldn’t fall.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

You held the tears in until you returned to your bedroom, slamming the door shut. You bolted into the en-suite and fell onto your knees in front of the toilet, the acid in your throat finally seeing the surface as you vomited.

Your stomach heaved, emptying yourself of all its contents. But you couldn’t get rid of the horrible, cloying feeling in your gut that came with Bucky’s rejection.

You fell asleep on the bathroom floor, tear tracks on your face and fresh wound in your heart.

You were dreading seeing him the next morning. Thankfully, you arrived in the conference room before he did. The others were there already, gathered around the table. Sam took one look at you and snickered. You were dressed in black, hair in disarray and a pair of large sunglasses on your face.

“Someone had a bit too much fun last night,” he sang.

You grimaced, closing your eyes at the way his voice boomed in your overly sensitive ears. “Stop shouting,” you croaked.

Bucky entered a few minutes later. You kept your head down, refusing to look at him or otherwise acknowledge his presence. To the others, your hostility could be passed off as a result of your clear hangover. But the excruciating humiliation of your confession to him hung between the two of you, making you squirm in your seat.

You didn’t speak for the rest of the meeting, keeping your sunglasses on and staring stoically at Steve as he delivered the mission briefing. As soon as he dismissed the team, you jogged out of the room, but was accosted by Bucky in the hallway.

“Can we talk?” he asked loudly.

You didn’t want to make a scene. You put a fake smile on.

“Sure.” Your eyes were still swollen behind your dark shades as you tried not to let the sight of him bring out any more tears.

He led you into an empty room a few doors down. His face was set like stone, only the slightest crease in his forehead hinting at something akin to distress.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” he said carefully.

“It’s okay.” You winced in discomfort, even just the sound of your own voice bringing you pain. You wondered if he had rehearsed a speech, to let you down easy.

“You should never drink that much again.” His voice was sharp, critical.

“I can take care of myself,” you said, taken aback by his tone.

“It’s not worth it,” he said, his attitude easing up. “I’m not worth it. I don’t want you to feel this way because of me."

You felt your shoulders sag. You felt so tired, defeated.

"I can't control the way I feel," you whispered.

Bucky kept a reasonable distance between the two of you, like he was afraid to go near you now that the pair of you were alone. You wished you could read his mind, know what he was thinking.

His next words were chilling. "You’re my friend, and I care a lot about you.”

The emphasis on the word ‘friend’ didn’t go unnoticed. The way he looked at you was orchestrated, pointed. He was letting you know, in no uncertain terms, what he wanted to say. You were almost grateful that he didn’t directly bring up how you had told him you loved him, as if to save you your last shred of dignity.

He stared at you now with such intensity, the meaning clear in the way he looked at you. We are just friends.

He was doing you a favour. Still, your heart shattered. Your hands were shaking. There it was again - that awful, stinging pain of rejection.

“Okay,” you said faintly.

“I'm sorry if I ever made you think that we could be anything more," he began. Tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

“Let’s not do this,” you interrupted. If he kept speaking, you felt like you might die. You wished the ground would swallow you up.

Bucky licked his lips but remained silent.

“Please..." You hated how your voice shook. "I would really appreciate it if we could just move on. Let’s not bring this up again. It would really help me.”

Bucky folded his arms tightly across his chest, nodding stiffly.

“Okay.”

You backed away from him, grateful your eyes were hidden. You left the room and didn’t look back.

You managed to act normal around Bucky. Well, semi-normal. The rest of the team didn't even seem to notice anything was amiss - you still spoke to Bucky, managed to look at him as if the very sight didn't break your heart, kept a smile on your face.

But that was in front of them. For anything else which wasn't out of necessity or mission-related, you avoided interacting with him. When you woke up in the middle of the night, you no longer plodded into the kitchen, instead staying in your bed, sobbing and staring at the ceiling.

You no longer laughed and joked with him. You turned your attention to the others instead, talking to Steve and Clint and Natasha and whoever else was there, in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that you were trying to keep it together. You wanted to keep your mind distracted.

It was horrible.

Things would not be the same again, at least not for a little while. You needed time to make yourself get over him.

It was easier, when Bucky returned to the compound one night with a blonde on his arm. She was giggling and clinging onto him, and your heart sank when they stumbled into the elevator just as you were making your way to your floor.

You couldn't have been more shocked at the sight of them. Bucky had red prints all over his cheeks, and her lipstick was smeared. The smell of alcohol was in the air.

"You're not supposed to have civilians in here," was the only thing you managed to say, shock infiltrating your system. The blonde giggled.

"Oops."

Bucky only shrugged, his hand slipping into hers as the elevator rose. Your heart clenched.

He was doing this on purpose. He wanted to show you that he had no interest in you, leave you without any doubts. You didn’t know that Bucky had it in him, to be so cruel. If you weren't trying to hold back your tears, you would've almost felt impressed by his antics. The worst thing was, you truly understood why he was doing this.

You think you may have hated him in that moment.

The elevator doors dinged open, and you stumbled out. Tears began prickling in your eyes, and you were sure Bucky could see.

You didn't say anything as you marched to your room, the elevator doors sliding shut.

You had always been good at pretending. Pretending you were happy when you weren't, pretending you were calm when you were furious, pretending you knew the answer when you didn't.

Bucky saw past a lot of that. He could tell when you were lying, could see when you were holding back. He read you like an open book.

He was important to you, and still would be even if he had rejected your confession and rubbed the presence of another girl in your face. You told yourself that it was a good thing - he was performing a service, encouraging you to move on. Besides, he didn't owe you a thing. He could do whatever he wanted with anyone else.

You couldn't lie convincingly to yourself.

Bucky's birthday rolled around all too quickly. You had it marked in your calendar, though you would've remembered even without the reminder.

Despite your conflicted feelings, you wanted to get him a gift. You had planned the perfect one months ago and had enlisted Bruce's help in finding it. You still wanted to see the look on his face when he opened it.

Bucky roamed the hallways on your floor the morning of his birthday, frowning slightly when your bedroom door opened, Bruce appearing in the frame. He caught a glimpse of where you were perched on your bed, face flushed in mild excitement.

Bucky gave Bruce a smile which may have looked more like a grimace, the latter giving him a polite nod before continuing on. Your door swung inwards, but Bucky stuck a hand between it and the frame, poking his head through.

"What's that all about?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

You shuffled something behind your back. You hadn't spoken to Bucky much as of late, barely acknowledging any of the awkward encounters that had occurred in the past months, instead choosing to face him with a professional-politeness.

"Nothing," you said, not particularly aware of what it would look like to have Bruce emerge from your bedroom.

"Is something going on between you two?" he asked directly. He gave a laugh void of humor, the sound escaping him in a huff. "Do you have a thing for emotionally damaged men?" He gestured to himself with his vibranium arm.

The small smile on your lips fell. Anger simmered in your eyes.

How could he? How could he reduce his feelings for you to nothing and stomp on them like it was trash?

You stood and marched towards him, a wave of fury overcoming you, thrusting a wrapped parcel into his hands.

"He helped me get your present, actually. Happy birthday," you spat, watching as Bucky's mouth fell open silently. You pushed past him, unable to look him in the eyes, feeling your stomach twist.

Bucky remained rooted to the spot, fiddling with the wrapping paper hesitantly before he ripped it open.

It was a first edition copy of 'The Grapes of Wrath', excellent condition. The subject of Bucky's favorite books came up after your first encounter when you saw him reading 'The Hobbit'.

"Is it about angry grapes?" you had asked, confused when Bucky laughed. He promised he would buy it and lend you the book one day.

Bucky's ground his teeth, every cell in his body telling him to go after you. But, for all the reasons he had told himself since the day of your confession, he made himself stay put.

Bucky had missed out on a lot in his life since falling off that train in the Austrian Alps. His whole trajectory had changed, and instead of growing old in his century, he found himself in the 21st, thrust into the modern world and navigating his new life.

He always thought, back in the 40s, that he would meet a nice girl and settle down after the war. He would live in a cozy, tiny home and have three kids, maybe four.

He missed out on that and more - though he had been quite the playboy back in his time, he had never experienced true love. He had never met that one woman he would die for.

Bucky had commented off-hand once on how lucky Steve was to meet Peggy before he went into the ice. Steve had reminisced on that with a bittersweet smile, before telling him, you’ll find your Peggy.

Falling in love with you had blindsided him. At first, he viewed you as a friend, a sweet girl who he grew to trust.

Then, he realized that he was slowly being drawn to you, like magnets he couldn’t pull apart. He realized that everything you did was endearing, that you occupied his thought space all the time, that having you around helped him feel comfortable, safe.

You were young, determined, and so innocent. You were somebody who deserved someone as pure and good as you. You weren’t his Peggy - you were something more, so unique and unapologetically you, and he wanted you as his person so badly.

But you deserved someone good. Somebody like Steve, who stood for the best values and only acted for the good of mankind. Not someone morally-gray and jaded like Bucky.

He wanted someone to spend his life with, for sure. If he couldn’t have his idyllic life in the post-war period, then he still wanted to find a partner in this new, still-unfamiliar time.

You fit that profile. He wanted you.

But he would never forgive himself if he weighed you down with his sins.

When you told him you loved him, his heart had broke. He wanted to tell you how much he valued you, how he dreamed of kissing you. He wanted to be a part of your happy ending.

But how much of a happy ending could he really give you? Could he give you children, knowing they would always be in danger from his enemies? Could he give you a wedded, domestic life, when all he knew was how to fight and cause pain?

He had to make his sacrifice for the greater good. Even if he had to crush you, he had to do it.

Someone like Bucky wasn’t supposed to get happy endings. You were, but just not with him.

You couldn't stand to be around him anymore. It was affecting your concentration, your work. It reached a breaking point two weeks after Bucky's birthday, when you requested to speak to Steve privately.

"You want to leave?" he asked, his face appalled.

You nodded curtly. "You’ll still be able to contact me, if you really need me. But I don't think I can stay here anymore."

Steve didn't look as confused at your profession as you expected.

"Is this about Bucky?"

You cringed. God, did he know about everything that happened?

"I don't know what's going on between the two of you," he clarified quickly, "but I can see that something happened. He's not the same, either."

"I'm not in a good place right now," you admitted shamefully. "I'm not saying that this is goodbye forever, Steve. But for my own sanity, I think I need a break."

Steve heaved a sigh. "I know you wouldn't ask unless you really needed it. And you don't need my permission, you know."

"I know," you said, giving him a small smile. "But I just wanted to let you know that I'll be here whenever the team needs it. Emergencies only," you joked. "But for now I think I'll get out of here. Maybe go upstate."

"Have you told him?"

"Don't need to," you said, defensiveness creeping into your voice.

"I think he would like to know."

“We’re not really on speaking terms,” you said bluntly.

Steve clasped a heavy hand on your shoulder. He knew better than to argue. He was sure you’d figure things out for yourself, anyway. “I’ll miss you.”

Now that you had completed the professional courtesy, you decided that you would leave in a few days. You still had some matters to wrap up, and to say goodbye to your teammates. You loved them, and they deserved a proper farewell.

"This isn't goodbye," Nat had said sternly, pulling you into a tight hug. Her voice was quiet and soft in your ear as she whispered, "If you need me, I'll be there."

You squeezed her tight, threatening to tear up. "Thank you."

"Keep your ass out of trouble," Clint had said, winking at you. “And check in with us now and again, yeah?”

Sam was clearly unhappy about everything. And he definitely noticed that you had picked a day to make your announcement when Bucky was conveniently away from the compound.

"Am I gonna see you again?" he asked, raising his eyebrows after you'd embraced.

"Couldn't get rid of me if you tried," you promised, punching his arm.

You retired to your bedroom that night, sure that Bucky would hear the news later after he came back. You kept your phone switched off and door locked for the rest of the evening, making sure the your belongings were packed.

Just past midnight, you crept out of your room, duffel bag over your shoulder. You made your way through the compound, down the floors into the underground garage. Bucky's motorbike wasn't there - he still hadn't returned.

You were grateful. You climbed into your car, and tossed your belongings in the back. You had to stop thinking about him - if you let yourself do it for too long, you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to go.

With a heavy heart, you left this chapter of your life behind.

Your phone rang for days afterwards. Missed calls, voicemails left unanswered, texts left unread.

You couldn't bear to face him. If you pretended he didn't exist, maybe it would ease the pain.

You didn't know where you were driving to. You simply knew you had to get as far away as possible, clear your head. You were at a crossroads, and you needed to pull yourself together, but for now you would allow yourself to wallow.

You had been spending each night in a different motel. Wake up, drive, sleep. Wake up, drive, sleep. You wanted to put as much distance between yourself and Bucky Barnes as possible.

You had no idea how you had gotten everything so wrong. Did you really misinterpret the signals? Was every intimate moment between the two of you simply platonic?

You didn't want to feel so beat up over a guy, but he wasn't just any guy. He was the first man you had ever loved.

Life was funny, sometimes. You supposed that you couldn't always expect happy endings.

You kicked open the door of the latest motel, a bag of takeout in your hands. You noticed the dark, shadowy figure on your bed in an instant, your hand sliding to the dagger sheathed in your belt on reflex. Before your brain even had time to catch up with what you were seeing, you had aimed and launched it, shocked when a familiar voice rang out.

"Calm down, tiger," he rasped. The bedside light flicked on, and Bucky was suddenly there, twirling your dagger between his fingers. He tossed it to the side, letting it land on the carpet with a soft thud.

A week had passed since you last saw him. Seeing him sent an electrifying jolt straight through your core.

"What are you doing here?" you asked. You were shocked, but your first thought was that something terrible had happened. "Is it the team? Are they in danger?"

Bucky looked irate, his jaw clenching and unclenching. His hands were knotted together, worry hiding beneath his anger.

"I've been calling you for days. You left without saying goodbye. Hell, you left without saying anything." His voice was gruff and accusatory.

That gave you the answer you needed. The team were fine, and he was simply here to rant. You felt the initial shock of his appearance wear off.

He stood up and stepped towards you, and that was when you noticed the state he was in. His usually close shaven beard was slightly unkempt, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked worn out.

"Yeah," you retorted, "I kind of did that on purpose."

"Why?" His voice was a whisper. "Why would you do that?"

You were exasperated. You did not envision yourself having to explain your decisions to him. His appearance both delighted and depressed you. It was tiring, having these two sides battle each other whenever you saw him. Your love for him versus his heavy rejection.

"I can't be around you anymore," you admitted, your voice tight. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"Why the hell not?" he pressed stubbornly.

"You know why!" you cried out. "Why are you doing this to me, Bucky? I told you I loved you and, okay, you don't love me. Fair enough," you said, frustrated. "But to go out of your way to hurt me? Remind me that I'm nothing more than a friend? Bring other girls back to the compound so you can fuck them?"

Bucky flinched. "I never - "

"No!" you shouted, cutting him off. "You don't get to do this, Bucky." You felt wetness on your cheeks, and realized you were crying. It only made you more exasperated. "You don't get to tear my heart out of my chest and come here when I've been trying to get away from you."

He stormed up to you, hands reaching for you, but you batted him away.

"Don't!" Your hand hit his chest, barely moving him an inch. "Just stop! Please!" Your voice broke, and you shook with tears. The dam had broke, and seeing him here was just too much.

"Please don't cry," he pleaded, his face anguished.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice breaking. "What do you want from me?"

Bucky looked so upset, taking another step forward, but you walked backwards until you hit the door.

"You don't want me," you exclaimed through your tears. You needed him to understand how much pain you were in just by seeing him. "You can't be here, Bucky. I can't look at you and remember how you just don't love me back."

Bucky pulled you into his arms, tightening them when you struggled. He was stronger than you - you had no choice but to become a prisoner against his chest. You were crying as you had many times before in his hold, but this time it felt different. Your heart was pounding and you were aching, wanting to melt into him but also aware of the anger and sadness flaring within you. It was torture.

"It hurts too much," you managed to get out through your wailing sobs.

He didn't say anything until you stilled. He let you cry, your tears soaking through his shirt. Your quiet sniffs and hiccups accompanied his words when he finally spoke.

"You weren't supposed to appear in my life," he said, his voice tense. "You weren't supposed to be so wonderful, so comforting. You made me feel so safe."

You didn't say anything, confusion rendering you temporarily speechless.

"I thought I was fine on my own. I've been a soldier all my life, just focusing on fighting everyone else's battles. And then I met you."

You had no idea where this was going as Bucky's arms seemed to tighten all the more around you.

"It felt...strange, how I wanted to kiss you. How I wanted you there, next to me, all the time.”

You looked up at Bucky, really taking in his exhausted eyes, his chapped lips, the way he was looking at you now with an exquisite softness.

"I felt like I was doing something wrong. I thought - I don't want to - ruin you," he said. "You are so young and have your whole future ahead of you and I didn't want to bring you down with all of me. My history, my demons, my baggage. And I ended up hurting you."

A spark of hope appeared, wanting to ignite into a flame. You expelled a shaky breath.

"Do you love me?" you asked, your fingers digging into his shoulders as he continued to hold you.

He nodded, his words like velvet. "How could I not? Of course I love you."

Of course, he said. But your insecurities prevailed, and you shook your head.

"You did a good job of hiding it," you said sadly.

Bucky closed his eyes regretfully.

"I know. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought if I could push you away, make you fall out of love with me, you would find someone worthy."

"What makes you think you're not worthy?" you retorted.

"Some days, I feel like no amount of good deeds I do can redeem me," he murmured.

"Bucky," you said slowly. "You're one of the best men I've ever known. Your heart is so kind."

"I'm sorry." He grasped one of your hands, brought it to his lips, kissing the back of your hand. "I'm sorry I hurt you. Part of me thought you would shrug, get over it and find someone else."

Your smile was full of sorrow. "Then you have no idea how much you truly mean to me.

Bucky cupped the side of your face. Seeing you in this state had truly been a wake up call for him. When he found out you had left the compound, all his resolve had crumbled. He realized that he had hurt you so deeply that you couldn’t physically be around him. That was when he knew that the connection between the two of you was too rare to let it slip, when he felt an immense pain at the idea of never seeing you again.

Having you in front of him now was heartbreaking. Your eyes were puffy, and you looked tired and so frail. He loved you, and you were supposed to take care of the people you loved. He swore on his life that he would dedicate himself to showing you what you really meant to him.

"When you asked me what I'm doing here," Bucky said, a hopeful smile on his face, "It's to tell you that I love you, so much. And I'm here to take you home."

You nodded, fresh tears filling your eyes, except this time they were borne from happiness.

"Let's go."

He had already packed your belongings for you, you realized when he released you to hoist your bags over his shoulder, which he had placed by the door. He paused, slipping his hand into his pocket and placing a tiny kid-sized carton into your hand. "Almost forgot. For the journey."

Chocolate milk.

You threw your arms around him, jumping to hook your legs around his hips. He dropped your bags as you kissed him, his hands reaching to support your thighs as he returned it with equal passion.

"This room is paid for," you gasped into his mouth. "Let's go back tomorrow."

He was silent when he walked back to fall onto the bed with you on top of him, his mouth never once leaving yours.

[metamorphesque]

poems I loved in december

Paruyr Sevak, "To Go Mad"

Anne Sexton, "December 18th"

Ted Hughes, "Lovesong"

Chris Abani, "Ritual is Journey"

Franz Wright, "Untitled"

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, "A Prayer"

Willie Perdomo, "Maybe Under Some Other Sky"

Osip Mandelstam,'You took away all the oceans and all the room', (translated by Clarence Brown and W. S. Merwin)

Osip Mandelstam, "Tenderer than tender" transl. D. Smirnov-Sadovsky

Richard Siken, "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out"

Michael Miller, "December"

Vladimir Mayakovsky, "A Cloud in Trousers"

Mohja Kahf, “Most Wanted”

Louise Glück, "Winter Recipes from the Collective"

Vladimir Mayakovsky, "Listen"

Fear, Czesław Miłosz, Robert Hass (translator)

Hope, Czesław Miłosz, Robert Hass (translator)

Charles Bukowski, "a vote for the gentle light"

Marina Tsvetaeva, "I Opened My Veins" (translated by Elaine Feinstein)

[wangxianficrecs]

Rewind 2024 - Part I

WangxianFicRecs - Rewind 2024

Part one of our favourite stories published in 2024. If you also want to give a shout-out to a story, submit an ask and we will share it in an upcoming post featuring Follower Recs and Proud Author Spotlights.

~*~

much sweeter than

by mellowflicker

T, 3k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: Lan Wangji gets married knowing one thing: his husband is his equal.

~*~

Day 4: Time Travel

by UseMyMuse (@museywrites)

G, 1k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Part of Musey's Lanuary 2024

Summary: Lan Sizhui knows his parents are happy, but he wants to fix things so they never had to suffer. Against his better judgement, he goes back in time, though he isn't sure if things will turn out the way he expected.

~*~

old wounds, like hidden ghosts

by wordsonpage (@ronniexian)

T, 2k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: "Wei Ying, Wei Ying, you are a menace." "Oh, yeah," Wei Wuxian plays along. "And what are you gonna do about it, Hanguang-jun?" "Perhaps I should leave you." - Lan Wangji is possessed by a vengeful spirit during a night hunt. It takes Wei Wuxian a long, painful moment to notice. (my accidental darkji threadfic, cleaned)

~*~

my name on your lips

by kopicanai

T, 2k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: To the mortals, he is Hanguang-jun. To the other gods, he is Lan Wangji. To Wei Wuxian, he is simply Lan Zhan. A Chinese gods AU

~*~

Changed for the Better

by tigerlilly3224

M, 4k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: “T-They have busy lives. It’s hard for them to step away.” Wei Wuxian didn’t usually stutter. He was tripping over his words. Trying to justify the accusations faster than his mouth can form the sounds. His brain brought up the long prepared list of why the Jiang’s did and always would come first. Lan Wangji narrowed his gaze. “You lower your own worth for their sake. You told me you wrote wrong answers on assignments so you wouldn't get a better grade than Jiang Cheng. You are your own person Wei Ying and you live as if you take up too much space. I want -“ {aka. college roommates wangxian learn to navigate their lives and heal each other along the way ✨🫶} ** on page panic attack, past referenced/implied emotional child abuse & neglect // rating due to topics both mentioned & implied but there is no spice here just feels

~*~

Having one soulmate in this life is enough

by secretninjagirl (@shawoloser)

M, 1k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: “Wei Ying, come to bed,” he says. His eyes are still so soft, and his voice is so warm. “Yes,” Wei Wuxian says, wondering if his voice sounds as unsteady as he feels. He doesn’t know what this means, but he’s powerless to resist his soulmate. He will take whatever Lan Wangji is willing to give him. ------ A "missing scene" of sorts from episode 43 of The Untamed. The pan out over the Jingshi with their song playing felt very much to me like a subtextual sex scene. So I wrote that hypothetical scene.

~*~

🔒 For good

by apathyinreverie (@apathyinreverie)

M, 6k, Wangxian & Xiyao | Kay's Rec

Summary: Wangji should have seen this coming. (Kind of mafia AU. Where the Jins are their usual treacherous selves but Wei Ying is perfectly capable of getting revenge. Which they absolutely deserve. For having made his Lan Zhan so much as frown.)

~*~

🔒 Bright the Day We Met

by ereshai (@ereshai)

G, 1k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: Xichen wasn’t even sure Wangji was open to finding his soulmate. The mechanism of soulmate matching was inexact and open to misinterpretation. It was very frustrating. Wangji had always preferred certainty.

~*~

💙 Lay my body down

by tawaen

M, 54k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: One of the fragments of Wei Wuxian's soul, splintered during the first siege of the Burial Mounds, uses the energy released by the Yin Tiger Tally and flees backwards through time to another moment where Wei Wuxian was close to death – after the fall of Lotus Pier, at the hands of Jiang Wanyin. Knowing how his first life will end, Wei Wuxian decides to hide his survival, and leave the cultivation world behind.

~*~

The White Jade Hairpin

by YilingSani (@yiling-sani)

G, 1k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: Happy Birthday, dear Hanguang-Jun!

~*~

Tell Me To Stay

by YilingSani (@yiling-sani)

G, 14k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: With heavy steps, Wei Ying walks back to the living room and plops down on the sofa again. His silver eyes travel around the room for a while, mind flooded by memories of sunny mornings, meals and cosy evenings together and all the surfaces they fucked each other on. Then they stop at the door of Lan Zhan's study. If he walked out right now... If Lan Zhan walked out right now and spoke to him, Wei Ying would throw the backpack away, hold his boyfriend close and never let him go. He begs. He begs it would happen. He begs Lan Zhan to somehow feel how much on the edge Wei Ying is balancing right now. "Please," he whispers - the tightening feeling in his throat is slowly choking him while the silver eyes threaten to fill with tears. "Please, Lan Zhan."

~*~

Heart of hearts

by apathyinreverie (@apathyinreverie)

M, WIP, Series, 40k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: It won't be until several days later that Wangji will know to be grateful for Jiang Wanyin’s insistence to split up in their search. (Or, JC and LWJ spend those months searching separately and LWJ ends up finding Wei Ying a little earlier. Wei Ying who doesn’t remember anything beyond his own name. So, LWJ takes his chance and takes Wei Ying home. To Gusu.)

~*~

💙🔒 your heart is mine to fortify

by sunflowersfield

G, 2k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: A few mornings later, Wei Ying stares up at his ceiling and listens to the wind blowing through the willow tree outside his window. It is 4:15 a.m. and he is wide awake once more. For a while, the howling wind is the only sound he hears, and then, there is movement from somewhere below him. The opening and closing of cabinet doors. Light footsteps tapping on a hardwood floor. The clanging of metal against glass. Lan Zhan has arrived at the bakery. Wei Ying allows himself to be swept away by the symphony of sounds that Lan Zhan unknowingly creates as he begins his day. His breathing slows, and his body relaxes bit by bit. He imagines that he is listening to a lullaby written just for him. And just like a lullaby, the symphony guides him back to sleep. Or: Wei Ying lives in the apartment above Lan Zhan's bakery. Or part 2: Wei Ying learns how to accept Lan Zhan's help.

~*~

Brand New Moves

by tawaen

T, 7k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: In the most ambitious heist ever planned, Team Rocket attempts to steal two legendary Pokémon – one from the Burial Mounds Gym Leader, Wei Ying; and one from the Snow White Pavilion Gym Leader, Lan Zhan. These two former rivals are paired up to battle against one another for the first time since becoming Gym Leaders! Will they be able to defeat Team Rocket? Or will they loose their composure and their Pokémon? (Just joking, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan never even notice Team Rocket. They only have eyes for each other!)

~*~

marital customs

by shijieswife

M, WIP, 2k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: Cangse, with the growing up on a mountain under the hand of an immortal cultivator who had not descended in several hundred years, often has not a clue, about a single one of the customs down the mountain. She has very little idea of customs, or respect for them, despite her decades living down from the mountain. And this, unlike other things, is something Changze has no experience in either - the art of dealing with suitors for your first born child’s hand.

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for these hard-working authors if you like – or think others might like – these stories.)

[a-reverii]

▸ REVERII'S DECEMBER FIC RECS

━━ ✰ THE WIZARDING WORLD.

sirius black

aren't promises meant to be broken? ⇢ @perpetuallydaydreaming

style. ⇢ @bealovesmarauders

his favorite neighbour. ⇢ @kquil

attention. ⇢ @/kquil

right where i want to be. ⇢ @appocalipse

the dark night. ⇢ @bruisedboys

oblivious. ⇢ @bitesizedgremlin

regulus black

hidden messages in foreign languages. ⇢ @applebutter-and-cinnamon

vivre d'amour et d'eau fraîche. ⇢ @/deactivated

his last letter. ⇢ @hamlets-ak

tricks and charms. ⇢ @curseofaphrodite

across the sea. ⇢ @/curseofaphrodite

the night we met. ⇢ @/curseofaphrodite

frosted practices. ⇢ @henqtic

remus lupin

by tired hands. ⇢ @luveline

skirts. @flwrbo

not so secret admirer. @/kquil

you're losing me. @astonishment

never his. @weasleykisses

wherever you stray i follow. @mediocre-daydreams

━━ ( navigation ) ( masterlist ) ( request )

[imtryingbuck]

Who’s cutting onions? Because I’m crying.

“I panicked that day. It was the best night of my life and I was so scared at how dependent I was. You’re my weakness, I’d do anything for you, you know that don’t you?” his voice was getting more and quieter by the second. 

“Your my sunshine”😭😭

This was so beautifully written and so heartbreaking🤍

Was, Wasn’t.

Summary: He was never really yours anyway.

Warnings: a lot of angst and swearing, death, implied smut

A/N: wooo it took me two days to write this. this my entry for @whothehellisbella‘s Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix Writing Challenge!  My song was Final Song by MØ and I hope I did it justice

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing!

You never noticed how the grey clouds highlighted the sky.  How through their shadows and darker outlines only made the white, the purity, stand out. It was an odd thing to notice while your final breaths escaped you.

The rubble that had fallen on you had no effect anymore. Your body had become numb a long time ago, something you assumed was the last gift the world presented you with. Making sure your death wasn’t that painful. 

You were aware of the body next to you, groaning and crying out in pain, in despair for some kind of help, but that’s all it was. Despair.

He, too, had been there with you. He, too, had been under the rubble, but his strength prevented him from giving up and you forced yourself not to think about how much it hurt. His lower body was probably as crushed as yours was, but all you could do was watch the sky. 

All you could do was watch the sky.

Keep reading

[holmesianlove]

Chapter 11 - Ribbons

“Brother?” Mycroft asked, surprised to see Sherlock at his door.

“Yes, well, no need to stare,” he snapped, pushing past his brother and into the apartment. He moved straight to the kitchen, unravelled his scarf, placing it on the counter, and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl, biting into it aggressively.

Mycroft watched as Sherlock paced alongside the kitchen counter in silence. He did this when he was worked up. He’d spit it out eventually. While he waited, Mycroft grabbed a crystal tumbler and opened his freezer to pull out some vodka. He poured himself a bit and then held it up in question to his brother. Sherlock waved him off impatiently. Apparently drinking wouldn’t help. Mycroft knew to wait in silence until Sherlock was prepared to speak.

“He’s just… so infuriating!” Sherlock finally burst out with.

“I can only assume you mean John.”

Sherlock flashed his brother an angry glare.

“Want me to have another little talk with him?” Mycroft offered.

“Don’t you dare,” Sherlock snapped, pointing his half devoured apple at his brother.

“Okay but you’re here. You have… feelings to express apparently.”

“Huh. Feelings.” Sherlock scoffed and continued to pace in silence for a time and Mycroft let him. “The thing is, there’s this case. And John’s reaction has been… difficult to understand.”

“Right…”

“When he first moved in, he asked…” Sherlock paused, looking at his brother to assess his level of judgement. Mycroft wasn’t giving anything away.

“He asked me about my situation.”

“Situation?” Mycroft asked.

Sherlock simply gave his brother a look in answer and continued. “Yes, and I said the usual.”

“Not your area?” Mycroft checked.

“Quite so.”

“Seems reasonable,” Mycroft agreed. “You barely knew each other and given Dr Watson’s hobby of serial dating, I can’t see how—“

“He’s bisexual.”

“Oh? I hadn’t… spotted that.”

“Well he covers it well,” Sherlock mumbled, clearly irritated by it.

“He told you this?” Mycroft asked.

“No.”

“Okay… then…” Mycroft was confused.

“Only, now, we’re dealing with a case and it seems to really be bothering him. I can’t understand how it should bother him, though, if he is also…”

“Not publicly though,” Mycroft suggested. “Publicly, he makes a point of being straight.”

“True. Although to be precise he always says he’s not gay.”

Mycroft paused. He didn’t like seeing his brother so distressed. It often coincided with danger nights. “Sherlock, won’t you sit. The pacing is… distracting.”

Sherlock hesitated, ready to argue as usual and instead pulled out a stool and sat at the centre bench.

Mycroft relaxed against the opposite bench. “So tell me,” he began, before taking a sip of vodka. “I can decipher why the case might be bothering John - perhaps some hidden truths he’s not ready to acknowledge - but why is it bothering you so?”

Sherlock munched quietly on his apple for a while.

And Mycroft sighed. “Oh. I hadn’t noticed it before. But now I see it.”

“What?” Sherlock asked, annoyed.

“You love him.”

Sherlock instantly choked on a piece of apple and stood up again, beating at his chest to move the piece of apple lodged there. He shot his brother an angry glare.

Mycroft simply stood watching his brother flail about dramatically with a knowing smirk. “Confirmed,” he said, when Sherlock finally sat again. Without a word he grabbed another glass and poured his brother some vodka after all, sliding the glass across to him. “I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it until now,” he said.

“Well you are the slow one,” Sherlock teased, taking a sip and sitting back down.

“Lucky for you John is the slowest.”

Sherlock gave him another annoyed look.

“What do you need then?” Mycroft asked more gently.

“He’s oblivious. Irritatingly so. I don’t think he’s aware of his own identity. I can’t… see a way past it.”

Mycroft took a leisurely sip of his drink. “When we were children, Mummy used to read us a book. I don’t know if you remember it. Well, she read it to me and so I assume to you also. The one with the ribbons?” Mycroft asked.

Sherlock frowned. “Why would I keep a children’s book in my mind palace?”

Mycroft rolled his eyes. “Well the gist of it was about two people who loved each other so much that a connection grew. Two ribbons that tied them together. Tied their hearts together. And everywhere they went these ribbons connected them. No matter how far, the ribbons just grew long enough to keep them connected. I think Mummy used to read it so we understood that when they travelled so much, we were all still connected through love.” He huffed then, realising how it sounded. “The idea that someone could fly to another country entirely and still have their ribbons remaining connected is, of course, completely ridiculous and romanticised. Children are so gullible and stupid,” he scoffed.

Sherlock laughed. “Speak for yourself. I clearly dismissed it early on, which is why I hold no memory of it. I never took you for such a romantic, though.”

Mycroft snorted, looking down at his drink. “Actually, I loved that book so much. I used to read it to myself even when they were away. There was something… hopeful in it,” he admitted. “I think part of the reason I’ve remained single is because I refused to give any time to anyone who wasn’t worth that kind of love. I never found it.”

“You’re not dead yet, brother,” Sherlock said, suddenly feeling very sorry for his older sibling. Sherlock did tease him constantly about being a sad, lonely old man, but in truth he had always hoped Mycroft might find someone to share his life with.

“It’s fine. I’m… comfortable,” he said stiffly. They remained together in silence for a long time. Finally, Mycroft decided to impart his wisdom.

“When I first met John. When I picked him up and tested him, I was… quite taken aback. He was nothing like any of your other friends. He was instantly loyal, virtually unshakeable, in fact, yet with a vulnerability he tried desperately to hide. I couldn’t have found a more perfect partner for you, with all the resources I have at my disposal. The two of you connected instantly and I saw it.”

Sherlock looked up. “Saw what?”

“Ribbons,” he said softly, finishing his drink. Sherlock looked taken aback.

“You want my advice?”

“Please,” Sherlock said, watching his brother closely.

“John has trust issues, yet he trusts you. But he doesn’t really trust himself. He’s never going to tell you he has an interest. He’s never going to admit to being bisexual. He’s going to assume you are too far above his station in life. He’s going to assume you have deduced everything about him, including any feelings he has about you. He knows how you operate. He will expect you can see and hear his every thought and are wilfully ignoring them out of disinterest. I suspect all it would take, to win him, is to make the first move and he would topple over the cliff with you.”

“I see,” Sherlock said, swallowing hard.

“That is, if he will allow himself to admit he has feelings for a man. He could just as easily deny it to the death,” Mycroft added.

“Well that’s been very helpful,” Sherlock said, the comment dripping with sarcasm.

“You asked,” Mycroft replied smugly.

Sherlock stood and reattached his scarf to his neck. He swallowed the last of the vodka and gave his brother a little bow.

“Thank you brother. I will take that advice with the usual level of disregard that I always give it.”

Mycroft pursed his lips tight. He had tried.

And with that, Sherlock stormed out of the apartment again, out into the snow.

— —

Thanks @notjustamumj for the prompt list

@lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @totallysilvergirl @safedistancefrombeingsmart @naefelldaurk @a-victorian-girl @peanitbear @starlitkeys @lumilama @yorkiepug @talkativeanxiousturtle @kettykika78 @kittenmadnessandtea @whatnext2020 @egregiously-chuffed @chriscalledmesweetie @catlock-holmes @battledress @kholkate @randomquadballpun @221beloved @little-owls-things @daltongraham @sillygirlsmindpalace @phoenix27884

@oetkb12 @odditiesandeverything @johnlockficclub @rainstarboii @bheadhe

@hospitableasacactus @wssh13 @br-nz

[jilychallenge]

... And now for something completely different....

A little special thing for the last month of the year, a jilychallenge BINGO.

How to play?

Write, draw, paint, make a moodboard, instagram, etc, based on these prompts and cross them off your bingocard (be sure to tag us ;-) AND/OR

Fill your bingocard with jilychallenge fic/art recs that you feel fit the prompts, (check out the collections on ao3 or scroll away on our blog - happy hunting;-) please be sure to send some Holiday cheer to the authors/creators.

[userslayer]

part 2 of my favorite spuffy fics!

here is the first post.

most of these contain smut, all completed, some from ao3 others from elysian fields, some oneshots others multichapter, all happy/hopeful endings, nothing too angsty or dark unless stated!

elysian fields:

What Happens In Quarantine... by bewildered

s4 spuffy stuck together in quarantine! very smutty, beautiful slow burn. a lot of shakespeare

I Fought the World for Your Hand (Give My New Body a Chance) by williamthebloodied

established spuffy, buffy dresses up for spike and he more than appreciates it by going down on her, pretty emotional

Embers by Dusty

spuffy + angel threesome. hear me out! established spuffy, very hot and emotional smut, delves into spike/buffy, spike/angel, buffy/angel in such a beautiful way it just strengthens spuffy

Drive by Holly

insanely good. s4 vampire!buffy gets excluded from everything she has always known as a human, so all she has is spike, who still sees her as buffy. roadtrip! hot smut! well-developed relationship

A Love Like Ours by Holly

s6 where a confused buffy slowly opens up to spike and sees that he truly loves her in one eventful night

Treat, Please by EffulgentEllie

s7 halloween, buffy enjoys some time alone until spike knocks on her door and she offers him a smutty treat

Hush Now by MillennialCryBaby

no plot just hot sex, set after something blue during crush as spike makes sure to return the favor

Dare by simmony

s7 spike thinks he should leave town to avoid being used by the first, buffy confronts him about it ensuing a night of talk about forgiveness, killing vamps and cemetery sex

Snap Dragon by MillennialCryBaby

holiday fic 🎁 with morning sex and poems

Christmas Eve by Dusty

holiday fic 🎁 stablished spuffy having hot sex in the kitchen

Slay Bells by Eowyn315

holiday fic 🎁 super interesting monster of the week, scoobies shenanigans, spuffy dating other people who keep pointing out they are actually in love also my fav trope of spike's chip no longer works and no one believes in him except buffy

ao3:

The Taste Of A Heart Beating - Geliot99

sexy kinky period fic because spike is a vampire and he loves buffy, duh

Forty-eight days in LA - Blissymbolics

this is a dark fic with no spuffy ending. s3 spike kidnaps buffy in hopes to win back drusilla, heavy on the mortal enemies, hurt/comfort

Tracks in the Snow - ashcrashed

holiday fic 🎁 domestic fluff, mythical demon in sunnydale and the scoobies. good vibes only

Christmas Date - bewildered

post-series. spuffy slowly find their way back to each other even as they are physically apart, and faith helps

What She Deserves - flootzavut

they bump into each other at a renaissance faire, fight some demons and have hot sex!

Hand in Flightless Hand - tragic_ly

s4, interesting original demon lore, aftermath of something blue, spuffy fighting the good fight together

[imtryingbuck]

The misunderstandings. The fluff. The smut. The pining. I love this so much💞

And the gifs at the end = added bonus😍

Watchful Eyes

CEO!SteveRogers x Female!Maid!Reader AU

summary: When your best friend gets you a new job, cleaning the apartment of the most successful man in New York City, you don't hesitate to accept. The pay is more than good, and the man himself is better than any eye candy you have ever seen. Unbeknownst to you, you've caught his attention just as much. Steve can't keep his mind off you, so much so, that he drives everyone around him insane with his grumpiness when you aren't around. It seems like he has to take matters into his own hands when he realizes, you're too shy to take things further yourself.

a/n: So that just happened... I don't know where it came from, but please enjoy. (Please don’t be discouraged by the word count - I promise you it’s worth it and I kindly ask you to at least try 💛)

word count: 10.8k

warnings: power differences, Steve is pining, watching someone over secret livestream (is this stalking?), women being referred to as objects (not by Steve), just so much fluff, and also angst (there is a happy ending!), smut (masturbation - m, praise kink, oral - f receiving, dirty talk, orgasm control, overstimulation, unprotected p in v, size kink, breeding kink) !MINORS DNI!

ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ✶ 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ✧*･ﾟ

“Can you start Monday?”

“I can start Monday.”

“Perfect.”

Holy fuckidy fuck fuck. 

You had a job. A job that would crinkle some noses but it would pay money. Good money actually. Well, better than other offers in the branch.  

It had been luck, really. Because during one drunken night, which had originally been dedicated to drowning yourself in self-pity over the last job that had let you go due to staff cuts, your friend Natasha had crashed your party with Chinese food and gossip from her workplace. She was an assistant for one of the CEO’s of Shield Protection Services. And during her lunch with Sharon, the other assistant, Sharon had complained about Steve Rogers and how he had fired the third maid this month because they, apparently, were taking pictures of his home or selling some of his things. 

There might have been some talk about how picky and stuck up he could be but the important info was that Sharon was desperate at this point and had asked Nat if she knew anyone with the decency not to breach privacy and willingness to clean the CEO’s home. 

The good thing - or bad thing, you weren’t sure - was, Nat knew you were desperate too. So she gave Sharon your number and before you knew it, you were an employed woman again. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It was too early for you to be roaming the streets of New York, but you had gotten instructions and so you had gotten up at 6 and headed out to the address. And when you arrived, it felt as though it was the first time you blinked since the subway - you were that tired. Definitely not a morning person.  

The building was huge, tall glass fronts stretching into the sky and the ride up to the penthouse took longer than your average elevator rides did. 

The doors opened and revealed a beautiful open floor plan. A whole wall of windows brought natural light into the place and offered a view so breathtaking, it took you a moment to collect yourself. The place was ginormous - a lot to clean up - but seemed tidy enough to at least get started right away. 

You placed your bag on the counter by the kitchen and took more of the place in when suddenly, a voice startled you. 

“Who are you?” You whipped around, big eyes searching for the source until they landed on a tall man standing in what seemed to be a dining area - well, one of them at least. He had broad shoulders, neatly styled hair and one of those toothpaste smiles you only ever saw in magazines. He was wearing office attire, blue dress pants that slightly stretched over his muscled thighs, and when your head wandered back up his body, piercing blue eyes seemed to stare right into your soul. 

Holy Shit. 

Before you stood Steve Rogers, three-time Forbes Magazine cover story, young entrepreneur turned filthy-rich hunk of a man, and CEO of the most successful security firm in this country. And he was talking to you - staring at you... waiting for an answer. 

Talking, you needed to start talking, you reminded yourself.

“I’m the new maid, sir. I’m so sorry I was told to come here at 7 as you leave for work before that.”

Mr. Rogers looked at you with an unintelligible stare. Meanwhile, you were nervously wringing your hands in the doorway, looking down. You hadn’t planned for anyone important to see you today. The worn-down Fleetwood Mac shirt you didn’t mind getting bleach on hanging over some pants you pulled from the back of your closet definitely wasn’t the kind of outfit you expected to greet Steve Rogers in. Great start. This was going awful.

“Well I’m here aren’t I?” His arms folded before his chest as his eyebrow raised, impressive biceps bulging beneath the white button-up, and - damn - it was hard not to stare. 

“Right. Yes. Sorry. I’ll come back later.” You turned to leave again but he stopped you.

“No need. I am on my way out.” The left corner of his mouth twitched into a cheeky grin when he grabbed his bag, left the newspaper discarded on the table, and placed his coffee mug in the sink. Interesting.

“Don’t snoop.” He whispered teasingly as he passed you, a whiff of expensive cologne paralyzing your senses and you weren’t sure if he was making a suggestion or actually warning you. That damn perfume seemed to hypnotize you. 

Your eyes followed his broad shoulders until they disappeared behind the corner and then the elevator doors shut. It seemed to take all the tension from your face. You exhaled long and then began to look around some more.

The place was huge, you’d already established that. But when you found the third bedroom amongst the private office and Pool table room, you knew you had to make a weekly plan to work off. You had to give Mr. Rogers credit, though. There was rarely any clutter lying around - it wasn’t dirty per se - just had the usual dust you’d expect in a place this size with only one person living in it. 

You huffed, resting your hand on your hips once you completed the tour. And then you got started. 

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve peered up from his computer screen when Bucky strolled through the doors of his office. A coffee in hand he had most likely tweaked from his assistant's desk on the way here, he shot a grin to his oldest friend and business partner. 

“What ya doing, punk?” The brunette asked teasingly when he circled the desk and settled on the window sill behind Steve. 

“Just making sure things stay in order.” He leaned back and turned around slightly, just in time to see his friend nod knowingly.

“Heard Nat got you a new maid.” Bucky dipped his chin towards the laptop still open on the desk. “That her?”

His eyes wandered to the screen where a live feed of his apartment streamed you changing his bedsheets. He hummed in agreement. 

“She’s pretty,” Bucky commented before sipping his coffee again and Steve felt an unfamiliar feeling bubble in his stomach. “But I bet you don’t care anyway. You’re all ‘don’t sell my stuff’ and ‘having things stolen from a security firm CEO is embarrassing’. Wouldn’t know a pretty thing like that if it climbed you.”

“Because it is embarrassing. And I highly recommend you monitor your staff to make sure they don’t do the same.” Of course, Steve knew you were ‘pretty’. Exactly his type, to be honest. He had noticed it the second you stepped into his apartment this morning. The way your hands wrung beneath you. And he had shot you a teasing remark in hopes of discovering a sassy fire in those timid doe eyes of yours. But you had stumbled over your words like a fawn.

Bucky clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Nonsense. Peggy is great - and too old to even carry anything valuable out of my place. I trust her with my life and house keys.” And then he pushed off the sill. “I think it’s time for you to get laid again. And that’s why I’m a great friend and organized dinner and drinks with Tony and Sam tonight.”

Steve fell back in his chair, hands over his eyes. “I don’t need your wing-maning me. I’m perfectly fine on my own.” 

“Sure.”

“I’m serious, Buck.”

“You can thank me later.” He stout towards the door. “You know... after you’ve been devoured by the pretty little waitress at the Ironbar.” Bucky winked before his face disappeared again. 

Steve just huffed as his eyes landed back on the weekly report on his desk and then swayed back to his computer screen. 

As unwilling as he was to admit it, it had been some time since his last late-night rendezvous. And as he saw you crawl up on his bed to place the bedsheets properly along his mattress, he felt his pants tighten slightly. 

❁ ❁ ❁

“We’ll get one more round of the good stuff.” 

“Of course Mr. Stark.” Tony winked and patted his waitress’s butt before she stalked away on her high heels and towards the locked glass cabinet behind the bar. 

Steve had designed it himself, a fiberglass shrine-like display for ridiculously expensive liquors, only to be opened by a passcode that got regenerated every week. He watched as Betty - the young and lanky waitress - retrieved a crystal bottle of whiskey and filled four glasses with the golden liquid. 

“God, I love that thing,” Tony sighed next to Steve and watched Betty with a satisfied smile.

“You better be talking about that cabinet, Stark.” Steve shook his head with a frown only to receive a wink from Tony, who was sitting closest to him at the round table. 

“So...” Bucky leaned over to Steve and spoke in a hushed voice. “You see anything you like?” He gestured at the bar where Tony’s carefully picked waitresses passed with filled and emptied glasses and bottles. They were all wearing tight black t-shirts and skirts or shorts that counted just as scandalous. One could foolishly mistake this place for a Hooters if Tony hadn’t made it one of the most pristine bars in all of New York City. 

It was popular amongst the clientele which mainly consisted of bored rich men that came here to get something to look at without being judged for it. But Steve wasn’t feeling the girls today. When Betty shoved her breasts in his field of view, all he could think about was how he had never gotten the idea to get his maids a uniform that catered to his... liking. And when Betty swayed her hips on her way to the bar, his thoughts became clouded by the image of you in a short little skirt, riding up just a little to tease I’m about what was hidden underneath when you kneeled on his bed to get the sheets sorted. 

Steve adjusted his pants at the little flashback, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter in his seat. 

“Oh, apparently you have...” Bucky grinned before his eyes hushed down to Steve’s crotch and back up just as fast. “Well then,” he leaned back with a satisfied grin. “Which one is it? Samatha? Tiffany? Though I think Megan is more your type.” 

“Just shut up, punk.”

“Okay you don’t have to tell me me... either way, my job here is done.” He brushed his hands off fake dust and smiled smugly. “You better be in a good mood tomorrow.” 

Steve just huffed and waited for Betty to come back with ‘the good stuff’ to hopefully drown out his annoying friends for the rest of the night. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them. No, he would do anything for the people he chose to have in his life. The group he found himself in right now had been through thick and thin with him, stayed through his fame and fortune, and was just as supportive before it had all happened to either of them. He was happy having the guys because they built each other up and aimed for greatness - together, they were fucking invincible. 

But sometimes, Steve felt a little out of place amongst Bucky and Tony. It was in situations regarding women most of all because he could never adapt the attitude to talk about them the way they did. And he never had the headspace to juggle as many as they did. He had tried the one-night stands. But he struggled to navigate the superficial pleasure maze New York City provided in masses. Because just as the ever-passing smiles on the streets, it wasn’t fulfilling enough for Steve. At least not in the way it was for his friends. 

He wanted what Sam had. A partner, a family, something constant and beautiful. And that was, why he found himself asking for pictures of Sam’s kids and nephews rather than listen to Tony’s latest bed bunny endeavor whenever the conversations took a turn in that direction. 

“Earth to Rogers,” Sam’s finger snapped in front of Steve’s face. “What this I’m hearing? You got a new maid? What happened to the old one?”

“She sold his stuff on Craigslist.” Bucky snorted and took a sip of the drink that had magically appeared in front of them. 

“You aren’t serious.” 

“I really liked that tie,” Steve grumbled into his cup. 

“Man, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with things like that. You rich people really are a different breed.” 

“You’re rich, too, Sam.” 

Sam just smiled above his crystal glass, having fun with the little joke he liked to pull for ages now. He wasn’t any less successful than any of the other men at their table. But other than them, he had settled in a beautiful neighborhood - despising the concrete jungle each of the other guys lived in. His house felt like home, like a cozy place that had seen love and time and nothing like the polished and sleek man caves the rest of them owned.

“Well, anyways, my amazing assistant organized him a new one, the prettiest thing - really. But he’s refusing to see it.” 

Tony chuckled. “Well, that's Rogers in a nutshell, isn’t it.” 

Sam just pursed his lips and glanced over at Steve with a soft smile, ignoring the comments of the other guys. They never explicitly talked about it, but Sam was a smart man, and it would have surprised Steve, had he not already figured out that he was more of a family man than their friends were as of right now. 

“To new maids that aren’t selling your clothes on the internet then.” He raised his drink and winked at Steve once their glasses clinked. 

And Steve? He visibly exhaled, silently thanking Sam for pulling the tension out of their conversation. 

❁ ❁ ❁

It had been a little over a week. And so far, things had been going great. 

By now, you had cleaned through the entire place once and set up a plan of what to do on which day. You weren’t surprised it actually took a full 6 days to cover every single room in Mr. Rogers’s apartment. You had already figured out which tasks were going to be your favorite and which weren’t. Like his bedroom. You liked doing that. Because even though the sheets were a bitch to get on the ginormous bed, you kind of liked the smell the room had. His pillows smelled of the cologne you couldn’t forget ever since the man had brushed past you on your very first day.

You were pretty sure you would never forget that since your knees literally felt like giving in at that moment.  

Today, it was bedroom day. That and the on-suite. 

With a smile on your face, you entered the apartment on the top floor, each day secretly hoping you’d catch a glimpse of the CEO before he took off to work. But even though you tried to arrive ten minutes earlier (you really couldn’t spare any more sleep for your own good), the first day remained an exception in Mr. Rogers’s daily schedule. 

You placed your bag on the stool at the open kitchen island, changed into some other shoes, and headed for the supply closet. Despite the size of the place, you actually got around pretty easily. Mr. Rogers was a very organized and neat man - you’d noticed that the first and only time you met him. So things were almost always where you’d think they would be. Which made your job just that much easier. But also prevented you from the advised ‘not snooping’ you desperately wanted to do. 

You knew better though. 

People like Steve Rogers probably had cameras installed in this place. And you would certainly not go and rummage through his underwear drawer after he had personally told you not to. Who knows what strings powerful people like him could pull. So, for the sake of not waking up on a cargo ship to Madagascar one day, you restrained yourself as much as possible. 

Of course, you didn’t stop your eyes from wandering whenever you swept the shelves in his walk-in closet or closed the drawers in his office space. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And this girl had a nosy best friend on her back that wanted to know every little detail of her new job... and was also way too invested in celebrity gossip.

Though, as always, there was nothing out of the ordinary today - there never was. Sure, it was still exciting to see how the filthy rich lived but other than that, no scandalous collection of women’s underwear, or drug lord papers lying around. You started to believe that Steven Grant Rogers was a very boring man. Not that you could properly judge in your position, seeing as you did not really know him, but the whole being in his home seemed a little too intimate not to do so. 

So that day you finished the tasks for the day, packed your stuff, and made your way back home, hoping to see him in the morning or to at least find something more interesting than dust in his home. 

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve greeted the concierge of his building when he entered the marbled entree hall. With a little frown and a look at his watch, the man greeted him back before he resumed his work. 

Yes, Steve was home earlier than usual. He regularly stayed even longer than his original work schedule intended. Today, however, he was home even earlier. But after another banter with Bucky about Steve’s non-existent sex life, he couldn’t imagine making it past five in the same building as his persistent best friend. So, he fled the office and decided to work through the rest of his papers at home. 

Of course, Steve knew that Bucky only wanted the best for him. But the ways he tried to approach the supposed bothersome loneliness Steve had in his bed just weren’t for Steve. Those might have worked on Tony - hell, Tony probably invented setting his friends up with one-night-stands - but not on Steve.

He huffed and swiped some loose hairs from his forehead as the elevator dinged at the top floor. The doors opened to the window front of his penthouse apartment and Steve stepped over the threshold, immediately stopping in his tracks when he took in the scene before him. 

The vacuum was running while you were kneeling on the floor, wiping up some water he only assumed came from the vase missing next to his sofa. He would have found it rather amusing if it weren’t for the way you carried yourself today. Something wasn’t right. 

Steve knew that you weren’t usually this messy - that much he could tell from the livestream that had become a constant in his office by now. Your head hung low, your motions hurried and sloppy. He watched as you swiped the floor, one of your sleeves constantly slipping down your arm again until you angrily pushed it up further than necessary. 

It was worrisome. 

He couldn’t place the feeling he felt in his chest when he sat his briefcase down and approached you from behind. His foot carefully turned off the vacuum and then he stood still, careful not to startle you when you finally looked up at him. 

He could see it in your eyes then. The panic, the uncertainty, and something else he hadn’t seen in them before.

You looked around you as if you were seeing the mess for the first time and when Steve was still watching you with an arched brow after a minute of silence, you suddenly sprung up to your feet. 

“I am so Sorry, Mr. Rogers. I didn’t realize it was this late already.” You turned a full 360 until your eyes landed on his again. “I’ll have this cleaned up in no time and I'll be out of your way. I promise.” 

Steve watched as you scrambled to gather the vacuum cord, struggling with it when it didn’t immediately snap back into the caster. “The subway was stuck in a tunnel for an hour because some guy decided to pull the emergency break for fun. And then this lady passed out next to me and when the fire department finally got us out and the paramedics packed her in the ambulance, I realized that I still had her purse.” You finally got the cord in turning so fast that the wet rag in your hands sprayed some water on Steve. “And do you know how difficult it is to find out which hospital they’re taking people? Because it’s so much more difficult than it looks in the movies. I didn’t know that! And then it was almost 10 a.m. when I got here. I am so sorry. This won’t happen again I promise-“

“Hey,” Steve finally stepped forward and caught your flailing hands with his and it shut you up. “It’s alright.” He spoke softly, guiding your hands down and proceeding to carefully stroke your arms down. “Are you okay? Do you need a day off?” 

Your doe eyes stared up at him, round and shiny as if you couldn’t believe he was actually standing in front of you. And Steve had to admit, besides the concern breezing through his body, your face was capturing up close. He traced your lashes with his gaze, the way your lips were parted slightly, your teeth showing past your upper lip, and the way your eyebrows were raised in shock. 

“No... no, I’m fine.” You finally stammered and it made Steve relax a little. 

“Then take a breath for me, please.” You nodded and Steve watched as your shoulders moved when you inhaled with your eyes closed. It shook Steve out of his trance. He cleared his throat and retreated his hands from your arms, awkwardly standing up a little straighter now that there was no excuse to touch you anymore. 

You were fine - that’s what you had said. But you didn’t quite seem that way. 

He watched as you opened your eyes and gifted him a small smile. Then your gaze dew to the floor and the mess you were standing in. Your smile turned awkward. 

“I’ll clean this up real quick and then I’ll be out of your hair.” 

Steve shook his head with a smile. Maybe this was a nice opportunity to do as Bucky had suggested. It was true, Steve hadn’t been interested enough before. Had he taken more time to know his former maids better, he could have probably prevented his things from being stolen and sold. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what Bucky had meant by ‘interested’, but Save decided it would do for now. “You can do what you need to and you can take as much time as you need to. I’ll be in my office for some time, so please don’t rush. I didn’t mean to freak you out by coming home earlier.” 

His arms reached up to scratch the back of his neck and your eyes landed on his bicep. Those damn doe eyes. “O- okay.”

He nodded, buried his hands in his pockets, gifted you a tight-lipped smile, and then proceeded to grab his briefcase and disappear into his office at the end of the hall. 

After some time, he heard the vacuum pick back up. Steve peaked through his open office door and caught a glimpse of you roaming his living room every now and then. It was relieving to know that you were functioning again. You had him worried for a second there - a feeling the successful CEO hadn’t welcomed in a hot minute. But it was kind of nice, made him feel a little more human than usual. So he didn’t mind having you work while he was home. On the contrary, actually, even though he had a huge stack of papers to go through, having to do them with a little bit of white noise was much more efficient than he had thought. He liked it when the occasional sound of items being set down snook its way to his office just to be interrupted by the vacuum again. And before he knew it, the workload he had taken home with him today, was worked through. 

Steve made his way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Though, as he waited for the machine, he found himself leaning against the counter and watching you work in front of him. You were currently bent over the sofa, arranging the cushions after shaking them out, your shirt riding up ever so slightly and exposing a strip of skin on your back. 

The fresh grounding of coffee beans covered the way Steve gulped loudly at the sight of you in front of him. This was definitely different than watching on his laptop screen. He felt his pants tighten ever so slightly as he imagined walking up to you and just taking you from behind. Your face would press into the pillows as he would easily push into you, hearing your drawn-out moans through the cushions. 

He couldn’t help himself, you were just so pretty. 

The smell of coffee drew Steve back to reality. It wasn’t that simple. Because Steve wanted you to want him as well. But you didn’t know him well enough yet. 

You pulled the vacuum around the corner and seconds later the sound of the storage room door closing echoed through the apartment. You walked back into the living room, adjusted the book on his coffee table, and then looked at your work with your hands on your hips. It was kind of cute to watch, Steve had to admit. 

“Well done,” Steve praised and your shoulders jerked in surprise. 

“Woah, didn’t see you there, Sir.” You relaxed again and then moved to change your shoes, before packing the other pair in your bag. You looked like you were about to leave, but Steve didn’t want that. 

“Would you like some coffee?” He offered and turned to grab the mug that was just filled with the steaming hot beverage. 

But you shook your head, raising your hands. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m sure you’ve got work to do...”

“I wouldn’t have asked if it were an inconvenience.” 

You looked down and nodded, which made Steve smile and hand you the cup. Your hands encased it like it was a cold winter's day, timid looks roaming the room and landing everywhere but him. 

“You seem uncomfortable,” he tried, cautious not to intrude. 

“I’m not. It’s just that... I’m not used to,” you gestured around the kitchen, “all this.” 

“I know it sounds stupid but sometimes I feel the same.” Steve took in the high ceilings and shiny surfaces, the expensive paintings and furniture he had no part in picking out.

You just stared at him again before nodding and averting your eyes once more. It seemed like you were holding back, but Steve didn’t feel like he was in the position to ask. So he just had to do with your fleeting glances and diffident presence. It was fine for now. Though he didn’t know if he could actually stand it for long. 

“You got this job through Bucky’s assistant, right?”

“Natasha, yes. She’s my best friend.” Your eyes lit up and Steve celebrated the little victory in silence. He had finally found something to talk about with you. 

“How long have you known each other?” He took a sip of his own coffee, acting indifferent, though his gaze hung on your lips. 

“We’ve been friends since high school. But then we went to different colleges and for a moment, we lost contact. But when I called her after graduation, we reconnected. We coincidentally both moved to New York. It’s nice to have her back.”

“That does sound nice. I know a thing or two about reconnecting with old friends.” Steve smiled reminiscent. 

“Right, your business partner. Mr. Barnes.” You set your mug down when Steve shot you a surprised look. “Sorry, but it’s hard not to know things about you when every tabloid in the country has covered your story.”

Steve nodded, being reminded once again how different his life was now. Not that he didn’t appreciate it... it just used to be simpler. 

“Yes, Bucky is my oldest friend... we’d lost contact in-between as well. Now we spend so much time together, I sometimes wish it was that way again.”

“You don’t mean that,” you laughed and Steve swore it was the prettiest he’d ever heard. 

“Of course not.” He set his cup down once he noticed that you had finished your coffee and had grabbed your bag from the stool. 

“I should go,” you smiled sadly and Steve just nodded with a similar expression on his face. Then he pushed off the counter and walked you to the elevator. He caught your small wave before the doors closed, leaving his stomach feeling warm and fuzzy. 

This was definitely new.

❁ ❁ ❁

The next week was pure torture. 

Steve couldn’t work from home like he had wanted to. He also couldn’t go to work later to at least catch a ‘good morning’ from you. 

It had only lasted a couple more days. He had managed to trap you for a conversation with coffee two times after the first one and then it all went downhill from there. 

Steve’s work seemed to pile up in unusual amounts of papers on his desk. His e-mails and meetings were longer than ever and his frustrations built with every new message Sharon redirected to his phone.

It wasn’t until Bucky pointed out how unusually grumpy he was, that Steve realized, he missed you. How could that have happened? He barely knew you and talked to you even less than that. But he knew he was missing you. Because as silly as it sounded, the time he spent with you, he was more relaxed than ever before. 

“I’m headed home, now. Do you need anything before I go?” Sharon popped her head through the door of Steve’s office after the knock she placed there. 

Steve just sighed as he closed one of a dozen tabs on his computer. Then he shook his head. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early!” She beamed and Steve just waved her off. 

The door fell shut once again and Steve moved to close a second tab. The one open beneath was the video footage of his home. It was paused because Steve had categorized it as ‘not suited for work’ once he saw you climb on his bed to straighten out the sheets and his dick reminded him just how deprived he really was. 

Looking at the paused video now, his pants tightened again. There you were, on all fours on his bed, tugging the sheet under the headboard side of his mattress - ass up and struggling. Fucking hell. 

His hand instinctively moved to his crotch to relieve some tension and then his eyes fell to his office door. Sharon had gone home. He was likely the only one left. His gaze wandered back to his computer screen and before he knew it, he was rubbing his hard cock through his pants. 

He groaned lowly at the feeling spreading through his body, the image on his screen just intensifying the scenarios he usually imagined when he got himself off. Because now they had your face. And your perfect body. If he squinted at the screen, he could actually see a sliver of your underwear peaking out the top of your pants. 

“Jesus Christ,” He pushed through his teeth when his hands worked to open his belt and pulled his rock-hard length out. He was already leaking from the angry red tip. 

His thumb grazed over his sensitive flesh, spreading the beads of precum and his whole body shivered when he imagined you doing it instead. His knees spread further apart in his office chair as he squeezed the base of his cock, concentrating on his breathing to slow. And then, without thinking, his other hand moved to play the video. 

Steve’s eyes never left the screen as he watched you tug the sheets tight. Your ass bounced up and down with the motion and he began to pump his shaft, imagining pushing into you from behind. Then you crawled back slowly, careful not to pull the sheet off again, but one corner came loose anyway. As you leaned forward, your new position seemed even more obscene - with your arms stretched forward and your ass still slightly lifted off the mattress. 

Steve’s fist pumped harder up and down his cock, he was panting. He could already feel the orgasm building. His balls were on the edge of bursting - but he wanted to hold out a little longer. 

For a second, his gaze jumped to the little speaker icon at the bottom right corner of his screen. His right hand still pumping with a tight grip, the left moved to slightly turn up the volume on the stream. 

Just then, you released a frustrated groan, followed by a throatier, softer noise that could almost be mistaken for a moan and Steve lost it. His fist stroked his thick cock in hard fast motions, the tingle in his body building with every heavy breath you released. His thumb grazed over his tip when you fell forward like a fawn and it was enough to make him burst. 

He closed his eyes and threw his head back on the chair. With a last firm push, he tumbled over the edge, squeezing his flesh as he felt the hot ropes of cum cover his hand. His heart beat in his ears once the ecstasy subsided, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths.  

Steve stared at the ceiling, sighing in defeat. He was in deep now. 

❁ ❁ ❁

“So... how’s it going?” Nat’s voice rang through your speaker and you pressed your phone a little harder to your ear to hear her over the street noises. 

“It’s going really good. I don’t see him that often but he’s not messy at all, so it’s really not that bad.”

“Good, I’m glad!” Nat cheered on the other end of the line and you could hear her computer keys clicking beneath her fingernails. “Anything you wanna tell me?” Her tone was suggestive, and you kind of hated how well she knew you. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, we’re stating the obvious here. He’s hot!”

“Nat!” You gasped appalled. “I’m not going around asking you if you think your boss is hot.”

“Why not? I'm not ashamed to admit it. My boss is hot,” she stated plainly and shorty after a distant ‘You got that right, doll!’ was heard through your speaker. 

“Oh my god,” you muttered, watching around you as if anyone could hear what Nat was saying. 

“So...?”

“Okay, yes he’s super hot and I wish he would just grab me with his big muscled arms and kiss the life out of me every time I see him. Are you happy now?”

“Yes, very.”

You waved at the concierge when you reached Mr. Roger’s apartment building and then stepped into the elevator. “Good. I can’t believe I just made me say that out loud.”

“We both know it’s true. No shame in a little crush.” You could practically hear her grin through the phone and it just annoyed you even more. How could she call you out when she was a mile away?

“Great, now I’m actually imagining kissing him and running my hands down his chest,” You huffed as the elevator door opened and turned the corner just to stop in your tracks. 

“I knew it!”

“Nat, I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, but-“ and then you ended the call as your eyes were glued to the kitchen counter. 

You stepped closer, your eyes never leaving where they had landed upon your arrival. There, on the polished black marble, stood a vase with a beautiful bouquet of pastel flowers. 

Your breath hitched in your throat as your fingers traced the colorful petals, and you leaned in to smell them. This was so sweet! A little giddiness shot through your body at the sight of the flowers. You’d never expected them from Mr. Rogers and it was nice to be appreciated. 

Feeling excitement all over, your fingers reached for the little white card lodged between a eucalyptus branch. But when you turned it over, all of it fell like someone had turned on gravity again. 

Happy one month!

Your mind repeated the words over and over again until they registered.

Happy one month.

You dropped the card and it made a dull clicking noise on the counter. How could you have been so naïve? Nat had put this stupid haze in your brain, getting you all giddy and excited. Of course, he had a fucking girlfriend. How could he not? He was Steve fucking Rogers.

You needed to take a step back and breathe. Those were a few too many emotions to feel in the early morning for you. Now you even felt guilty about wanting to run your fingers down his body. God, you’d even said it out loud - how embarrassing! 

“Okay, girl. Relax. Nobody heard,” you reminded yourself out loud. And then you took a deep breath with your eyes closed. 

“It’s not embarrassing if nobody saw. I’m the only one that can decide the level of awkwardness here.” Maybe stop talking to yourself then. You nodded and carefully placed the card back in the bouquet. 

“This never happened,” you whispered, more so to ensure yourself. “Just move on with your day.” 

Thank god it wasn’t kitchen day - you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of those flowers any longer.

With your shoulders pulled back and your head held high, you made your way to the supply closet and got to work. 

It’s just another day. You reminded yourself when you pulled your cleaning supplies out and into the office. 

Just like any other day...

❁ ❁ ❁

Boy, had you never been any more wrong. 

Your phone rang at 7.30 that evening. You had already made yourself comfortable on your sofa, ready to binge a whole season of Gilmore Girls, after a successful day of pretending you hadn’t gotten the biggest turn-down of the century this morning. You had finished your cleaning plan, you had gone grocery shopping, bought yourself some own damn flowers, and even showered all before the sun had set. 

But now your phone rang and the caller ID could not mean anything good. 

“Hello?”

“Good evening!” Your name echoed through the speaker of your phone, a - for your taste - way too cheery woman on the other end. “I am very sorry I have to call so late. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“That’s alright, what do you need?” You bit your lip nervously, only dreading the next words of Mr. Rogers’s assistant.

“Well, actually it is not I that needs anything. Mr. Rogers requested for you to see him. Is that possible?”

“What? When?”

“Now would be amazing.” Your eyes widened at her words. Mr Rogers wanted to see you and it couldn’t wait until tomorrow? You must have done something horribly wrong. Oh, god, had he noticed you messed with the flowers? Had he seen you sniff his pillows? All possible scenarios of wrongdoing swarmed your head when you sprung up and bolted for your closet. 

“I can be there in thirty minutes,” you hurried through the speaker just to receive a satisfied hum from the other end. 

“Amazing! Thank you so much.”

She had hung you before you could even answer. It didn’t matter. You looked through your clothes, trying to decide what an appropriate ‘getting fired’ outfit would consist of - probably no sweatpants, so you could find the closest bar and drink your sorrows away in connection to the dreaded talk. 

You pulled out something, you could see yourself crying in and headed for the door.

❁ ❁ ❁

8.00 pm on the dot, the elevator doors opened to reveal a beautiful New York Skyline. Unfortunately, you neither had the headspace, nor the time to appreciate it properly. As soon as you turned the corner you saw Mr. Rogers casually leaning on the kitchen island. 

Instantly, you felt intimidated. He had never done anything to make you feel scared or in danger, but his mere presence was so powerful, you didn’t quite know how to act around him. Especially, because on top of it all, he was the most attractive man you’d ever laid your eyes on. 

“What did I do?” It just sprung out of you, your arms wanted to hug your body but you willed them still. He didn’t need to see how worried you really were. 

To your surprise, however, his face scrunched up in amusement instead. He pushed himself off the counter and gestured towards the flowers still standing proud on that polished marble top. 

“You forgot your flowers.”

“My... my flowers?” He nodded with a small frown, probably confused by your reaction. And to be honest, you were too. 

“Yes... I got you flowers. You’ve officially been working here for a month. That’s a record.” He shook his head with a chuckle and then rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m... very picky.”

His eyes met yours and a whole new wave of uncertainty washed over you. You didn’t miss the hesitation in his tone, the carefully chosen wording for something he didn’t exactly say. 

“So, I’m not fired.” God, why did it take so long for you to register. You just looked so stupid right now. 

“On the contrary.” Mr. Rogers took a step closer, though still keeping a respectable distance. “I think I can trust you. I’m very pleased with your work. You deserve them.”

“I do?” You looked up at him with big eyes when he took another step closer. He was so tall, you had to tilt your head up now that he was so near. 

“Can I trust you?”

His chest would almost touched you, if you were to breathe any heavier. Your breath hitched in your throat when the faint remains of his perfume reached your nose. It was as intoxicating - the way his eyes stared down at you - intense and looming. “Ye- Yes.”

“Good.” His voice was a raw timbre. His gaze drifted to the side, where his hand slowly reached up to lay on your shoulder. You felt warm and tingly from the touch. 

Not knowing what to do exactly, you just held your breath and stared up at his eyes. They were so blue - and up close, they were so much more captivating than any magazine photograph could ever display. 

You wanted to touch him, reach out, and pull him down towards you, but he had just told you he trusted you. Were you really going to risk this perfectly good job for a heated moment?

His other hand came up to graze your cheek with a careful touch and the worry of losing your job suddenly became very small. Mr. Roger’s hands were warm, his fingers almost hot even compared to your heated face. 

So you did it. Your hand reached forward and landed on the top of his chest, one of them traveled down the hard plane of his torso while the other clawed at his shirt collar. His thumb traveled to your lower lip, pulling it down and then stroking over the soft flesh, touching your teeth as well. 

Guided by the heat traveling through our body, your right hand tightened around his shirt and pulled him down and onto your lips. The blonde man jerked forward until his mouth crashed onto yours, immediately moving in perfect sync with yours. 

Your insides were tingling from the kiss when you felt his lips pull into a smile. His big hands roamed your body until they snook around your back, pulling you flush against his body and making you sigh contently. 

Mr. Rogers chuckled and then kissed you deeper. His touch was everywhere, yours too. Your mind was free of anything that wasn’t the tall, built, blonde man in your arms as soon as his tongue traced your bottom lip - asking for you to let him in. And you did just that. When he began to explore your mouth, you melted even further into his embrace. 

No man had ever kissed you like that. Which was why you dreaded the moment you had to pull away for air. 

Your hand landed on his cheek, thumb softly stroking his beard, eyes locked with his. 

“You’re very good at this.”

He just chuckled and pecked your lips once more. “Up.” He demanded, suddenly, he grabbed your thighs and lifted you as if you weighed nothing. 

“What are you doing?”

“I'm gonna show you how good I am at this.” 

Then he set you down on the bed and pushed you back until your head hit the comforter. His scent, the one you’d secretly been craving ever since you started working here, engulfed you like a big blanket. He stood above you, big and broad-shouldered, looming over you like a wild animal. But you weren’t scared.

“You know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” His lips attached to your collarbone, sucking and licking bruises to your skin until you moaned beneath him and your hands clung to his hair. “I’ve been watching you,” he murmured to your neck and a shiver traveled down your spine. 

“I knew it,” you gasped when he reached a spot behind your ears that sparked more pleasure. The thought of him spending his day watching you made you all excited and impatient. 

“The way you stumble about this place when you clean it... How do you navigate the world being this clumsy, Bambi?” A whimper escaped you at the nickname he chose for you. “You need somebody to take care of you, huh.” 

You arched your back to brush up against him. His hard cock was already straining his pants, pressing into your own deliciously. “Ah, yes.”

“Don’t worry, Bambi, I’m right here. I’ll take real good care of you.” His fingers traveled down your body until they reached the hem of your jeans and began to tug on them. 

You pulled him down to your lips once more, guiding his head back to that spot behind your ear that had you squirming on the sheets. “So needy.”

His voice was so low and husky now, you barely noticed he had already worked your pants open and halfway down your legs. You kicked them off the rest of the way and arched yourself back against him just to have him grind down on your core. 

“Feel so good, so big,” you mumbled through the haze you already found yourself in. God, what was it with this man - he was out of this world. 

“You can’t wait any longer, can you, Bambi?” His hands moved beneath your shirt and began to massage your breasts. “But I get it. I don’t wanna wait any longer, either.” 

In a swift motion, he had you flipped on your stomach, his hands traveling to your hips to pull you on all fours in front of him. Then the bed dipped and you felt his fingers press to your soaked underwear. He rubbed the drenched fabric over your entrance, only driving you wild with need when his fingers reached higher to your clit. “So pretty.” 

“I need you,” you whined, “need you so bad.” 

“Believe me, I need you too.” He pulled the black lace over the curve of your ass and you felt the cool bedroom air hit your wet core, only making you shiver once more. 

“You’re so fucking perfect, you know that.” You could only whimper in response when his hand pushed your head into the comforter and his face suddenly pressed into your pussy from behind. 

“Oh, god.” A yelp escaped you as his tongue teased at your entrance, only to be pulled back to lick a long strip from your clit back to it. His hand massaged your cheeks and the constant moaning to your core shook you from the inside out. 

“This isn’t enough, is it, Bambi?” He dragged a strong finger up your spine. “You need me to fill you all the way up, don’t you? Need me to mark you, show everyone you’re mine.”

“Yes, yes, fill me up, give it all to me. Fuck me and make me yours.” You were so desperate at this point. His mouth had you squirming and aching for the promising bulge beneath his pants and you couldn’t wait to feel him raw - you’d let him do anything. 

You turned your head and watched as he unbuckled his belt. Within seconds, his cock sprung free from its restraints and your breath hitched in your throat. He was thick and long, a prominent vein running along his side up to his tip, pink and already decorated by a bead of precum. Of course, Steve Rogers had a pretty cock. What wasn’t perfect about him?

“You’re so wet already, Bambi. So ready for my fat cock, aren’t you? You’ll suck me right in, I just know it.”

“Please! I wanna feel all of you.” Another whimper got swallowed by the mattress when you waited in anticipation for him to finally fuck you. 

His one hand grabbed your ass and the other aligned his cock with your entrance. You could feel his head already breaching, a delicious stretch sending shocks through your body in hot and cold waves of pleasure. 

He groaned lowly and it sent shivers down your spine. “Relax, baby girl. You’re so tight. You’ll be so stuffed with me.”

“I need you de-. I- ah just please!”

He worked himself forward with small rocking motions, each time reaching a little deeper into your core and when you thought he was finally all the way in, he pushed even further until your ass was pressed flush to his thighs. 

You screamed into the covers and reached for something to grasp when he groaned behind you. “Gripping me like a vice, Bambi. Are you gonna be able to take it?” He shivered behind you and you could tell he was struggling to hold still until you answered him. 

“I can take it. Your big cock feels so good inside me. Oh, god, please move.”

“Fuck.” Wet noises filled the room when he drew back almost all the way, just to slam back into you. In this position the curve of his cock stroked your walls perfectly, making it hard to hold back the building orgasm. 

“I’m so close already, sir. I’m-”

“Fucking call me Steve,” he roared and pushed your face further into the covers. “You gonna come? Gonna squeeze my cock with your pretty little pussy already, huh?”

You could only whimper in response, the steady stroke of his body clouded your mind until you felt like you were floating. 

“I-“Another scream ripped through your speech when the pleasure exploded within you. Steve slowed his motions, seemingly unable to move with the way your muscles contracted around him. And when the pulsing pleasure lessened after what felt like minutes, he picked his pace back up again. 

“That was so sexy. You gonna do that again for me? I’m so fucking close.”

His hand reached around you and began to massage your clit in tight little circles and your body lifted off the bed. Steve had pulled you up flush against his chest and watched his hand work on your clit over your shoulder. 

“’S too much! Ah!” You were still pulsing around his cock with every circle he traced on your bundle of nerves, making your legs quiver.

“You’re doing so good, Bambi. You can give me another. Milk my cock dry.” He kissed your neck and bit your skin. “So fucking beautiful, how’d I get so lucky?”

“Steve!” You felt another wave of please approaching, just for his fingers to still on your clit, his hand now pressing into your stomach. 

“I’m almost there, baby. Hold it a little longer.” His face fell into your neck and you could feel his cock twitch inside you while his hot breath licked down your shoulder. “Don’t you fucking cum until I say so.”

“I don’t know if I-“

“Yes, you can!” Steve pushed you until you fell onto all fours again and then guided your hips to meet his hard strokes. His movements became frantic and fast, making you lose your mind. 

“I’m gonna fill you to the brim, Bambi. Make you drip with my cum for days. You’re mine.”

“Steve! Steve!” You couldn’t hold it any longer, it was too much. He was so big, and his movements so fast, there was no way you were lasting any longer. 

“Wait. Almost there.”

“I can’t. I can’t! I’m- Oh my god!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuck.” With one last hard slam, Steve shot his hot seed in your pussy. Your walls clenched with every lewd sound he pushed through his heavy breaths. “Cumming so much for you, Bambi. All for you. Uhnggghh.” He rutted into you a couple more times and once the intense feeling faded into lazy pulses, he fell forward and pulled you into his chest. 

Still buried deep within you, Steve pulled the covers over your bodies. Every little movement made you squirm and your pussy clench down again, drawing small grunts from the man behind you. 

“You did so good.” His hand stroked over your hair and his face nuzzled into your shoulder. “Now, rest. You deserve it.”

And with that, you let your body fall into its well-needed sleep - warm, content, and without a care for the morning.

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve woke up to the sound of his alarm. He smiled before he opened his eyes, his mind still reminiscing the night before. He felt warm and content at the thought of it. Your kiss was like nothing else.

He felt around his bed blindly after turning off the alarm only to be met by a cold mattress. Opening his eyes, he called out your name and sat up in bed. But when no answer sounded from his apartment, he got up and looked for you. After a few minutes of searching, he was sure you weren’t there. And it worried him. He had planned to order you breakfast. He wanted to talk about last night. He wanted to tell you how much it had meant to him. 

A look at the clock on his wall made him frown. Maybe you’d gone home to change for work. He decided to wait and get to work a little later today. It would all resolve itself, Steve was sure. 

But when seven rolled around, there was no sign of you. And even after another 25 minutes, there was no indication you’d show up soon. Steve really couldn’t push his time anymore. There was a lot of work waiting for him at the office. So he got up and grabbed his briefcase, only to be interrupted by his phone. 

“Good morning, Sharon.” 

“Good morning, Mr. Rogers. I’m just calling to let you know your maid just called in sick.”

“What? Until when?”

“She didn’t say. But she’ll call when she is better.”

“Do you know what she has?”

“I believe that’s private. Mr. Rogers.”

Steve just hummed absentmindedly. His brain already playing all the possibilities in his head. 

“Would you be so kind so send me her number?” He asked almost hesitantly, but still demanding enough for Sharon to agree right away. 

“Of course, one second.” And then his phone pinged with a message from his assistant. 

“Thank you.” Sharon just hummed in response and then she hung up the phone, ever the busy assistant he knew her as. 

Steve didn’t hesitate to call you right away. With every peep. His heart hammered faster in his chest. And when he was about to give up, a familiar rustling rang through his speaker. 

“Hello?”

Steve took a second to breathe and then he said your name - steady but careful. 

“Mr Rogers,” you sounded surprised, and Steve tried to suppress the sting in his heart at the sound of his last name. You had called him Steve just last night. Why’d you stop?

“Yes... I heard you’re sick. Do you need anything?” He cringed the second he said it. You obviously didn’t want anything from him given that you had fled from his apartment before he even woke up this morning. 

“No, no. I’m good thank you.” There was an awkward tension in the static connecting the two of you. But Steve didn’t understand where it came from. Had you not enjoyed last night. Had he only imagined the affection you gifted him then?

“Well... I hope you are able to come back soon.”

You huffed into the phone. “Uh, yes. Okay.”

“Alright, then. I’ll see you.”

“I’ll see you.”

And then the line went dead. And Steve couldn’t shake the feeling that you had sounded a lot colder than before...

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve had taken the next day off. His mind was too occupied to work, anyway. He had caught himself glimpsing at his video feed several times that day, even though he knew you weren’t going to show. He guessed, somehow that you would appear anyway. It didn’t happen of course.

So today, Steve had to learn to do nothing. That included not thinking of you as well. Because as much as the thought of you distracted him from work, not working wasn’t exactly the best move to get rid of his thoughts. 

First, he had tried to stay in bed until 6. That was hard enough. Then, he worked out a bit, read an article, made a smoothie - okay he ordered one - and then he sat on his sofa watching as the clock above his fireplace ticked to 7 a.m. 

It was ridiculous. If every hour would pass this slowly, he’d go insane.

His fingers taped on his thigh as he watched the seconds hand tick. He had to do something, anything. 

The moment this thought passed his mind, he heard the elevator door ‘ding’ at his level. And before he could even turn around, your bag hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Steve stood up straighter, adjusting a tie he was not wearing, but the motion had become a habit. He was excited you’d shown up - visibly well and healthy that was. 

You stared at him for a solid minute and neither of you said a word. Your stare was unintelligible to Steve. He had to admit, that he didn’t know you well enough to read into your silent conversation yet, but he wanted to - he wanted to so badly. 

His hands moved to clasp in front of him and then he cleared his throat, but as he was about to say something, you moved past him, straight to the supply closet, and then disappeared into his guest bedroom. 

He followed you before he could tell his feet to stop, halting in the doorway of the room and watching as you dusted off the tall shelves above the sideboard. 

“What are you doing?” His voice was higher than he anticipated. 

“I’m working,” you answered bluntly, moving to the next object to dust off. 

“Why?” Steve had promised to provide for you just the other night. And, yes, while he might have been hazy from the incredible pleasure you had created, he had meant every word.

You suddenly turned to him with an angry stare. “I’m working because, unlike other people, I can’t just do whatever I want and not deal with the consequences,” you spat and then turned around again. The dusting motion turned a little more aggressive and Steve felt a cold shiver run down his back. Feisty.

Though, Steve couldn’t quite place your anger. Had he said something to offend you? How did the other night play into any consequences and why the hell were you working still? You’d said it yourself, you wanted to be his. And that was all he ever wanted. It just didn’t make sense.

Steve didn’t move. He just stood there like an idiot and watched you work your anger away on the poor dusty decorations of his home. You obviously didn't want to talk to him and he had no idea what to say to you. So he just watched... and watched until at least ten minutes had gone by. 

You were at a completely different corner of the room by now, trying to grab a book to dust off, but couldn’t quite reach. Steve had been standing in the doorway this whole time so he just assumed he was blocking your way to a ladder. But he took it as an opportunity instead. 

In three Long strides, he had walked up to you, reached for the item you stretched toward, and handed it to you. And for a second there, he could see those doe eyes return to your face, staring up at him.

Maybe he had misread the situation after all because your gaze drew him in again. He slowly closed his eyes before he could reach your lips, excitement rising in his veins when he thought back to the feeling of your lips on his–

*smack*

His eyes shot open when your hand collided with his cheek, a fire flickering in your eyes that made him take a step back, holding his heated skin. 

“You don’t have to mock me, okay?! I know it’s embarrassing and it’s stupid what we did, so please don’t make this more difficult.”

“What?” Steve was baffled, hurt. 

It was stupid what we did. Your words echoed in his mind until your voice penetrated the mantra. 

“Just leave me alone. Don’t you have work to do?”

He shook his head with an aching heart. You really had no idea. You thought he had used you, made you a bed bunny like Tony or Bucky would - he’d never do that. “I called in sick. I was so... forget it.”

You resumed cleaning and Steve just stood in your way watching. His chest stung with every second he spent with his eyes glued to you, knowing what you thought of him. He couldn’t stand it. He never wanted to make you uncomfortable, much less convey he’d only use you. 

“Can I ask you a question?” You ignored him, but he could see your movements stagger for a second. “Do you really regret what we did?”

Then you paused, your eyes trained to the surface in front of you. When you finally looked at him, Steve could see the tears shimmering in them. 

“No,” you whispered softly, Steve had almost missed it had his heart not skipped a beat. 

He instinctively stepped closer to you again, though cautious not to scare you away. He’d come this far and didn’t want to mess it all up again. “Then why are you ignoring me?”

“I'm not ignoring you.” It shot out of you like a bullet. You sighed, took another breath, and set the duster down. “We don’t know each other. We live in completely different worlds. There is not one scenario in which we could exist together as anything more than... this. I know that now.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re you and I’m just the maid.” You gestured to Steve and then yourself and Steve hated the way you degraded yourself just because he had a couple dollars more in his bank account. It wasn’t right. 

He shook his head, his hand reaching out to you but dropping just before he could actually touch you, curbing into a soft fist instead. “And what if I told you that you are much more to me than that?” Now he finally dared to lay his hand on your cheek, tilting your head so he could come closer to you and still stare into your eyes. “I like you. And the night– ever since you came into my life, my days seem just a little less dull.” 

He smiled with shiny eyes, afraid your silence would last forever. “Please say something, Bambi.”

“You like me?” There was awe and disbelief in your voice and Steve wanted to kiss it away until every last doubt was erased from your mind. Whoever had made you this insecure about affection would eat his fist. 

Steve bit his lip to hide the chuckle threatening to spill. “I do.”

He slowly got lost in your eyes again. Those beautiful innocent orbs looked at him like he was a different type of special. He loved it so much. 

His gaze dropped to your lips, slightly parted and full, and then back up. And before he could lose himself in them again, your hands latched onto his collar and pulled him down toward you. 

The kiss was all tongue and teeth, need and desperation melting into sighs and tingles - he could feed off of it forever. His hands roamed your body and pressed you deeper into his. Your arms reached around his neck as your noses bumped against each other in eager anticipation. 

Nothing ever felt this right. Steve couldn’t possibly believe you’d doubted the chemistry for a second. Not when it felt like that. But he wouldn’t need to think back on it anymore now... now that he finally had you.

I couldn't decide which GIF to use, so here are some extras!

If you’ve read this far, I would be so happy to receive a comment or reblog. It helps writers reach more people in the community and also improve themselves. So, if you have the time, please consider giving me some feedback :) until next time ~Meg 💞

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[sitp-recs]

My December Reads

‘Tis the season! 2024 flew by and was brutal to many of us, but the merry spirits are growing on me now that my favorite month has begun. I get a lot of my December magic out of the reading list I prepare in advance (check my 2023 list here) so I thought I’d share this in case anyone’s looking for something similar. This year I’ve reflected a lot, among other themes, about how to age gracefully and find courage to face our demons and take the unknown road (such a big Drarry reference, tysm Turn) so I was looking for healing, contemplative vibes. Some of these I revisit religiously every year, others are new additions based on recent reads and cravings. Even the fics that are not set around Christmastime evoke the bittersweet joy of letting go and having faith in new beginnings. I hope they also resonate with you, and help us navigate the new year with more wisdom and compassion for ourselves. Enjoy!

❄️ the keys to your kingdom by thistle_verse (E)

Hit-Wizards, fuck buddies to lovers, feelings realization

❄️ Tidings of Comfort by @blamebrampton (G)

Redemption arc, contemplative, pre-slash

❄️ More Than That by joosetta (E)

Hogwarts Professors, older Drarry, banter

❄️ fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (NR)

Friends with benefits to lovers, light angst, slice of life

❄️ All Roads Lead Home by @dracogotgame (G)

The Weasleys, down & out Draco, getting together

❄️ Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M)

Accidental fake dating, weddings, long-distance

❄️ Turn and Face the Strange (time may change me) by @punk-rock-yuppie (T)

Post-war melancholy, unusual jobs, enemies to friends to lovers

❄️ O Come, All Ye Faithful by @toomuchplor (E)

Vicar Draco, Christianity, established relationship

❄️ Waking Up Slow by @sweet-s0rr0w, @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E)

Shop owner Draco, summer romance, light angst

❄️ Take A Chance On Me by @mintawasalreadytaken (E)

Down & out Draco, muggle music, angst with a happy ending

❄️ Knead by laughingd0g (E)

Coffee shop AU, food porn, farm life

❄️ Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (E)

8th year slow burn, MoD Harry, pining Harry

✍️ Little Gods by @the-starryknight (M, WIP)

Mystery fic, corrupted Ministry, time travel

✍️ First Watch of Night by @tackytigerfic (E, WIP)

Voldemort Wins AU, multiverse, Wizarding politics, time travel

[peachcitt]

from: thirteen by @anna-scribbles

art by me :)

start from the beginning // read the november chapter // read the most recent chapter (january)

hey listen. look me in my eyes. have you read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you want your life to be forever changed you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you are a person who is breathing and alive you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. thank you

[rohalussworld]

Creator to Creator Holiday Surprise Santa [02] // Fanfiction (Pokemon) Shaded Silk by Fabhar

Are you Bugsy fans? Are you a BUG-TYPE enthusiast? Do you like isekai story and awakened as pokemon like PMD, but pokemon society is too much? Read Shaded Silk in Ao3 and follow a fashion student stranded as Alpha Ariados! You have everything isekai protagonist had in her big voluptious spider belly, including the denseness of one! I almost feel sorry with how Bugsy's Ace interact with her, but that's her human brain, Scyther. Lmao.

I have a santa assigned for this art so the author definitely know. Probably he also know I made a nonshiny Ariados variant because *blue beautiful eyes* is not a hint enough for this reader. Have a nice holiday month and may your next year be blessed!

Have a nice December, y'all!

[imtryingbuck]

This is everything. I loved this so much

🍂 a shelter in the storm 🍂

pairing: park ranger!steve rogers x female reader

summary: a handsome park ranger saved you and offered you a place to stay for the night after you got lost on your hike to look at the fall leaves, but when you're woken in the night, you find more than the fireplace is heating up his log cabin.

warnings: 18+ content (minors dni!!!), smut with lots of fluff, voyeurism, accidental voyeurism, masturbation (f and m), mutual masturbation, fingering (f receiving), dirty talk, daddy kink, praise kink, some bdsm dynamics, consent checks, piv sex, bareback sex, creampie, pet names (baby, sweetheart), aftercare, multiple orgasms, first meetings, strangers to lovers

word count: 8.7k

a/n: ok here's the next fic for a cozy steve rogers autumn—this time with park ranger!steve rogers!! i'm posting it second but it was actually the last of the fics i wrote, so i was purposefully aiming for a premise that was especially autumnal, and i thought a park ranger au would be fun to try out! i took some inspiration for park ranger!steve from the book break the rules by roxie noir, insofar as steve built his own cabin for himself and he isn't a law enforcement ranger. anyway, i hope y'all enjoy park ranger!steve rogers!!

a cozy steve rogers autumn masterlist

You thought, at first, it was the thunderstorm beyond the walls of the cozy log cabin that had roused you from sleep, the lightning streaking across the sky through the dense foliage of the autumn forest and the rumbling thunder dragging you from your peaceful rest. You were swathed in warm flannel blankets, and a fire was crackling in the grate of the bedroom, creating a gentle ambiance amid the storm still raging in the night.

It took you a long moment to remember that you didn’t have a fireplace in your bedroom at home, nor was your bed covered in flannel blankets. Your eyes fluttered open with confusion as you looked around the vaguely familiar room, taking in the log cabin walls, wooden furnishings and masculine decor. The flannel blankets under which you were buried were a burnt orange and forest green plaid that matched the warm tones of the room, making it feel extra cozy with the fire and the storm outside.

The events that led to you sleeping in a strange cabin came back to you slowly—the park ranger named Steve Rogers who’d found you in the forest after you’d gotten yourself lost, the offer he’d made to let you stay the night in his cabin because the oncoming thunderstorm was likely to wash out the roads down the mountain and the way he’d insisted you take the bedroom while he’d sleep on the couch. With a wince at your own overconfidence, you also remembered the ill-advised decision you’d made to take a day trip out of the city to go hiking by yourself so you could take in the fall foliage along the trails of the national park.

Sympathetic embarrassment flooded through you as you remembered the way you’d stumbled over your words as you’d explained to the unbelievably handsome park ranger that you’d gotten lost coming down the mountain, and didn’t have any service on your phone to pull up a map or call for help. You pulled the flannel blankets up over your face as if you could hide from the memory of Steve calmly, and more kindly than you probably deserved as someone who’d gone hiking without a physical map, told you that you were on the other side of the mountain than where you’d started.

At that exact, unfortunate moment, you’d both heard the distant rumble of thunder, and Steve had led you quickly to his truck. There, he’d grimly explained the trouble of the storm washing out the roads and making them unsafe to drive on. He’d offered to let you stay with him at his home, just outside the boundaries of the national park forest, and given you his satellite phone to call someone to tell them where you were and that you were safe. When you’d gotten your best friend on the line, Steve insisted you give them his badge number and address to make you and your friend feel more at ease with you staying with a stranger. Once you’d ended the call, Steve had driven you to his home, a cozy little log cabin he’d built for himself.

Which was how you’d ended up buried under the blankets in the only bed Steve had, the fire he’d built to keep you warm burning low in the grate and the thunderstorm continuing into the early hours of the morning. Despite only knowing Steve a short time, there was something about the park ranger that made you feel safe and at ease in his presence. It certainly helped that he took great care to make you feel comfortable, from building the fire in your bedroom, to giving you clean clothes and letting you use his shower. He’d even cooked you dinner, before bidding you goodnight while you retired to the bedroom with its lock on the door. 

His kindness and respectfulness only made you feel worse for the inappropriate thoughts and feelings you’d begun to have toward your host. Steve was most likely acting out of a sense of chivalry by opening his home to you and giving you a safe, warm place to stay. But that didn’t stop your mind from running wild with fantasies about the handsome park ranger. 

Steve had looked capable and authoritative in his park ranger uniform, but when you’d gotten to his cabin, he’d stripped out of the shirt as he’d prepared to make a fire in the living room. The move had left him clad in only a white t-shirt tucked into his uniform pants, the soft-looking cotton pulled tight across his pecs and the bulges of his biceps. While you’d watched him crouch in front of the fireplace, admiring his ass while he wasn’t paying attention to you, you’d imagined him stripping out of the rest of his clothes, baring his broad, golden chest, his thick thighs, and whatever he was hiding in those tight pants of his.

Throughout Steve working on the fire, giving you a tour of the cabin and cooking dinner, all you could do was try not to stare at him and hold up your end of the conversation. He’d kept you talking for most of the evening, asking you about your job, your friends and family and your favorite books and movies. It had helped to distract you and make you comfortable, but whenever there was a lull in the conversation, you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering what it would feel like to have the park ranger with the broad shoulders toss you around in his flannel-covered bed. 

As you lay in that exact bed in the middle of the night, breathing in the faint smell of him—like evergreen trees and fresh air—your straying thoughts only got worse. All you could think about was what may have happened if Steve hadn’t been such a gentleman and had insisted on sharing his bed together. Maybe you would’ve woken up with the park ranger curled around your back, the bulge in his gray sweatpants wedged against your ass. Or maybe you would’ve draped yourself over him in your sleep and woken to his rumbling voice murmuring encouragement while you humped against his tree trunk thigh.

In the quiet between crashes of thunder, you heard a distant sound in the cabin that had you immediately growing more aware of your surroundings as your body heated beneath the flannel blankets. The sound wasn’t like a crackling fire or the settling of the wood. If you weren’t mistaken, it had sounded like a moan, and the distance it had come from made you think its source was the living room where Steve was sleeping on the couch.

Distantly, you realized it was the sound that had initially woken you, and you wondered why Steve would be making such a sound in the middle of the night. Your thoughts wanted to stray to the filthiest explanation your mind could come up with, but you firmly stopped that train of thought in its tracks. Instead, you clung to the edges of the blankets with desperate fingers and strained your ears to hear the sound again while your core throbbed between your thighs.

After long moments of hearing nothing, you swallowed and realized your throat was dry. Suddenly, you felt parched and in desperate need of a glass of water. At least, that’s what you told yourself as you slipped from beneath the blankets on Steve’s bed and tiptoed to the door of his room. It certainly wasn’t that you wanted to investigate the debauched sound that had woken you.

Easing the door open, you were so focused on staying quiet that you didn’t even consider putting more clothes on. Instead, you crept down the hallway towards the living room in nothing more than one of Steve’s flannel shirts and some panties. The shirt was long enough that it mostly covered your ass anyway, so if he happened to be up and you happened to run into him while you were getting water, you were mostly decent. Mostly. 

Another groan came from the living room, sounding much less muffled than when you were in the bedroom, and you froze in the shadowed hallway. Heat bloomed through your body, settling heavily in your core and your breasts, making your nipples pucker with arousal. Your reaction to the sound even curled your toes against the cold wooden floor while you bit your lip against a soft whimper of your own. Before you could second-guess your instincts, you were creeping closer to where the hallway fed into the open space of the living room, kitchen and dining area at the front of the cabin.

As you moved closer, you saw Steve lounging in the center of the couch, facing the fireplace in front of him. His head was tossed back, his eyes closed and his face twisted with pleasure. You leaned against the wall for balance and pushed yourself up onto your tiptoes to see over the back of the couch and followed the line of his body down to his lap, where you discovered the source of his groans. 

One of Steve’s big hands was fisted around his thick cock, his sweatpants shoved down to his thighs and his shirt pushed up over his abs, his disheveled clothes framing his hard length perfectly. The firelight licked over the shaft of Steve’s cock, making the ridges of his veins stand out in sharp contrast. He was so hard that even from the hallway, you could see the way he twitched, precum beading from the tip of his length. 

Desire, hot and merciless, rolled through your body, making your nipples tighten into stiff peaks beneath the soft flannel of Steve’s shirt. You felt yourself getting wet and clenched your thighs together against the insistent ache building in your core to have something buried in your empty hole. You knew you should turn away, give Steve his privacy. After all, you’d discovered the source of the mysterious sound. But instead, you held your breath and inched further toward the end of the hall, determined to get a better look at Steve pleasuring himself.

Steve’s eyes were still screwed shut as he stroked his cock slowly, almost torturously like he was trying to draw out his pleasure as long as possible. The sight was so deliriously hot, you half believed you were dreaming somehow. But then he groaned again and the filthy sound filling the room made your body zing in response, wetness pooling in your panties and your tits aching with the need for attention. 

Every time Steve’s cock twitched while you watched him, you felt an answering clench in your pussy, your cunt throbbing with the desire to have him inside you. He had such a perfect cock, you almost wanted to sigh dreamily looking at it. It was thick and veiny, and long enough that it’d be a struggle to take him all the way inside you, but you were more than willing to take on that particular challenge. 

No matter that you knew you were treading upon Steve’s private moment, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the picture he painted—his large body draped over the couch cushions, the warm glow of the fire casting him in golden light and dark shadows. He was beautiful, desire incarnate, and you couldn’t stop looking at him, your gaze hungrily taking in the way the muscles in his arms flexed with every stroke, his abs contracting when his hips bucked lightly into his fist. As you watched, Steve’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, the park ranger biting off a groan that rumbled in his chest. 

It wasn’t a conscious decision—your mind was too fogged with sleep and arousal to think very hard anyway—but one minute your fingers were twisted in the hem of Steve’s shirt you’d worn to bed, and the next they were slipping inside your panties. You found yourself dripping wet and had to suck in a silent breath to keep your own sounds of pleasure to yourself. You rubbed your clit slowly, matching the speed of Steve’s hand stroking his cock, trying to draw out the moment just as he seemed to be doing. 

For long minutes, you stayed like that, standing on tiptoes and pressed against the wall of the hallway to watch Steve pleasure himself while you rubbed your clit to the sight. Then, you were shocked when a single word tumbled from Steve’s lips on a rumbling groan—that word being your name. 

You tried to press a hand over you mouth in time to muffle your gasp so you wouldn’t be caught, but you didn’t know if you were successful. Even if you weren’t, it didn’t seem like Steve noticed because he never faltered in his slow, steady rhythm as he continued jerking himself off. Meanwhile, your body felt like it was going haywire with the knowledge that the handsome park ranger was stroking his cock to the thought of you. Your pussy throbbed desperately, your tits ached and your entire body wanted to be pressed against Steve, his big cock pushing deep into your cunt while he moaned your name again.

The energy in the room shifted slightly, but you were concentrating too hard on Steve’s fist and cock and your fingers on your clit to notice that the park ranger’s eyes had flickered open. Without realizing it, you’d edged too far out of the shadows of the hallway and into the light cast by the fire. It was an even bigger shock than hearing your name from Steve’s lips when he addressed you directly.

“You can keep watching from there if you want, sweetheart,” Steve rumbled, his voice low and rough with arousal. His hand slowed a little, gliding up and down his hard, thick length as he went on. “But you’re welcome to come closer if you want a better look.”  

Your gasp of surprise was loud in the quiet room, overtaking the soft crackling of the fire and the distant booms of thunder. Flicking your gaze up to Steve’s face, you found he’d turned his head toward the hallway, so he was looking at you with heated blue eyes over the back of the couch. As you stared dumbly at his amused expression, his eyes dropped and you watched as they darkened even further when he discovered your hand was shoved in your panties.

“C’mere, sweetheart,” Steve rasped, his gaze meeting yours again, a new urgency in his voice. “Let me see what your fingers are doing in those cute panties.”

You pulled your hand guiltily out of your panties and hid your glistening fingers behind you even as your feet carried you into the living room, walking around the couch to stand near Steve. For a moment, you stood there uncertainly, your eyes flicking from Steve’s cock to his face to the fire glowing in the grate, unsure where to look. The park ranger watched you for a moment, his eyes trailing over your bare legs and up to the hem of his shirt, a gentle, pleased smile curling the corner of his mouth.

“You look pretty in my shirt, sweetheart,” Steve said in a low, gravelly voice. His praise helped to settle your nerves a little and you met his gaze for a moment, smiling shyly while your fingers toyed with the edge of the flannel where it fluttered around your upper thighs. An answering smile spread slowly across Steve’s face. “Will ya take your panties off and sit down for me?” he asked, softly patting the couch cushion beside him. 

The couch was a massive piece of furniture, taking up most of the space in front of the fireplace. But with its overstuffed brown leather cushions, it looked warm and inviting. Steve had made it look even cozier with blankets thrown over the back and three or four throw pillows positioned to each side. The park ranger himself was the most alluring part, though, his blue eyes fixed on you and a hopeful smile on his face.

Eager to join Steve on the couch, you hooked your fingers in your panties and pushed them down your legs quickly, letting them pool at your feet. You stepped out of them and slid onto the couch beside Steve, facing him. You lay back into the pillows leaning against the arm of the couch before swinging your legs up and, after a brief moment of hesitation, parted your thighs to give Steve a look at your pussy. 

He sucked in a sharp breath, his hand squeezing the base of his cock hard enough that it twitched and more precum pearled at the tip. It began to roll down his thick length, and Steve’s fist gathered his arousal and spread it around the head of his cock, making him glisten enticingly in the firelight. You watched in rapture, before glancing up at Steve’s face and then you couldn’t decide where you wanted to look more—at his perfect cock or at the hungry desire etched into his expression.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby,” Steve rumbled, so low you could barely hear him over the crackling of the fire and the thunderstorm beyond the cabin. “And so wet—is your pretty pussy wet for me, sweetheart?” 

Biting your lip against a naughty smile, you nodded, spreading your thighs a little wider. “I heard you,” you whispered, glancing down at Steve’s cock that he was still stroking in his fist. Your fingers teased down your thighs, trailing closer to the place where you were aching to be touched. 

“And it turned you on, baby?” Steve asked when you didn’t go on, a grin tugging at the edge of his mouth. “Your pussy got all wet from the sound of me jerking off?” When you nodded again, he groaned, his head falling back against the couch while his eyes fluttered closed. When you sucked in a sharp little breath, it caught Steve’s attention and he looked back at you. “Show me, sweetheart—let me see just how wet you got for me.”

Steve’s warm, rumbling voice and the desire in his tone made you feel more confident, almost bold. You slid one of your hands between your thighs and used your fingers to spread your pussy lips, giving Steve a good look at your drenched folds, throbbing clit and clenching hole. Steve groaned again at the sight, a sound almost like he was being tortured. His eyes nearly closed with pleasure, but he kept them cracked open so he could stare hungrily at your most intimate place.

“Good girl, sweetheart,” he praised in a low, growly voice, his eyes intent on your pussy. “Show daddy your pretty hole and sweet button.” You gasped at what he called himself, your hips squirming as you felt your heartbeat pulsing in your core, more arousal leaking from your pussy. Steve grinned, his gaze shimmering in the firelight as he caught your eye. “Mm you like that, don’t you, baby? Like the idea of calling me daddy—I can see your hole clench for me when I say it.”

He was right, and you’d felt it, too, the way your inner walls had clamped down around nothing when he’d called himself ‘daddy’. Your breathing was already heavier, your chest rising and falling rapidly beneath Steve’s flannel shirt as desire burned through your body. Steve kept staring at you, his blue eyes molten with hunger, and you felt like you were going to melt into a puddle on the couch. He seemed to know the effect he was having on you, because Steve’s mouth quirked in a small smirk.

“Say it, baby—let me hear you say it.” His order was gentled by the warmth in his tone, the sound of his rumbling voice sending more heat spiralling through your body. Steve’s voice went even deeper with his next words. “Call me daddy.” 

You were helpless to the park ranger’s sweet command and you parted your lips to obey. “D-daddy,” you whispered, your tongue tripping over the word you’d never said in such a context before. But you instantly liked the way it felt, the dirtiness of it. You smiled, saying it again, “Daddy.” Your eyes went heavy-lidded with arousal, but your pleased expression was nothing compared to the look of pure, ravenous desire on Steve’s face.

“Play with your pussy, baby,” Steve said in a lust-soaked voice, his hand still stroking his cock slowly while he watched the juncture between your thighs. “Show daddy how you made yourself feel good while you were spying on him.” 

The slight recrimination in his tone made you hotter and you eagerly did as he said, using the fingers of your hand not holding yourself spread open to tease circles around your clit. The pleasure and desire pounding through your body loosened your lips and you whimpered, “I’m sorry, daddy,” as you pouted up at Steve. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, I was just getting some water and I—” You dipped a finger into your dripping hole, making your breath catch and halting your words. You gathered your wetness from the source and rubbed it around your clit, making yourself nice and slick.

“You what, baby?” Steve asked in a low, urgent voice. When you opened your eyes and took in the eagerness on his face, you smiled, your eyes trailing down to where his fist was sliding a little faster up and down his length. You matched his speed as you circled your clit and went on.

“I couldn’t help myself, daddy, you’re just so big and hard,” you confessed breathlessly, a hiccuping whimper falling from your lips. “I don’t know what happened, I just got so wet and achy and my button was throbbing.” You flicked your thumb over your clit, dragging a gasp from yourself as pleasure spiked through your body, your hips writhing on the couch. “I just needed to rub my button, daddy, I needed it so bad,” you whined, arching your back up off the pillows and pushing your tits against the soft flannel, the stimulation against your stiff peaks shooting straight to your core.

You didn’t know where your innocent act was coming from—you’d known exactly what you were doing when you’d crept down the hallway of Steve’s cabin to investigate the moaning sound he’d made, and you knew why you’d gotten so aroused. Though you couldn’t necessarily say why you’d thought it was ok to touch yourself while you watched him, you chalked it up to being woken up in the middle of the night and being too turned on to think straight. But it made you hotter to play innocent, and Steve seemed all too happy to indulge you. 

“Good girl, sweetheart, you’re doing so good for daddy,” Steve rasped, his eyes intent on the way your finger was playing with your clit, teasing and then flicking the bundle of nerves to drive your pleasure steadily higher. “You look so sweet rubbing your button, baby.” Steve groaned and he leaned closer to you. He didn’t touch you, though, which only made his closeness all the more frustrating as you pushed yourself toward your peak. “Such a pretty little filthy thing,” Steve rumbled distractedly, his dirty words pouring over you and turning you on more. “With your thighs spread for the nice park ranger who saved you, your greedy fingers playing with your pussy for him.” 

The way Steve was talking, the way he spoke about himself and what you were doing, it was almost too much, adding to the heat building in your core. You gave up trying to match Steve’s slow, torturous pace on his cock and rubbed your needy clit in tight circles, your release approaching fast. “Daddy, daddy,” you whined, your voice rising to the rafters of the cabin in a helpless plea. “I need to come, daddy—can I come, please?” you asked, opening your eyes, not knowing when you’d shut them tight, and looking to Steve. You’d never asked for permission to come before, but you liked giving that control to Steve. 

Steve’s grin was wolfish as he leaned even closer to you, until he was hovering above your lower body, still managing not to touch you. “Come,” he commanded in a raspy voice. He had to stop and clear his throat before he continued on in a deep rumble. “Come for daddy, sweetheart, rub your sweet little button and come while daddy watches your pussy clench around nothing.”

A whine unleashed from your throat when his teasing words reminded you how empty you felt, so you shoved two fingers into your hole, your thumb rubbing furiously at your clit. “Thank you, daddy,” you whimpered, your body writhing on the couch, your hips squirming as you chased your release. You were so lost in the headiness of the moment, by the feeling of Steve’s eyes on your body, that it didn’t take long until the tension coiling in your belly snapped. You came apart on your fingers, your body trembling hard and a whining cry of “Daddy!” escaping your lips.

You fucked yourself through your orgasm, your hips rolling up to meet the thrusts of your fingers, until the aftershocks lessened and you collapsed into the pillows at your back. For a long moment, you simply lay there, your eyes closed as you basked in the feeling of your inner walls still fluttering around your fingers. 

But then Steve’s pleasured grunt brought you back to the present. When you opened your eyes, you found the park ranger stroking his cock furiously, his fist spreading his precum all over his length while he watched you. Steve’s face was contorted with a feral kind of lust as he stared down at your cunt, your pussy sucking on your fingers like it wanted to drag them deeper inside you.

Although you’d felt sated enough a moment before, the sight of Steve’s thick, twitching cock leaking precum over his fist had the fire of your arousal roaring back to life. Before you could think better of it, words were tumbling from your mouth. “Fuck me, daddy,” you said eagerly, excitedly. You opened your thighs wider, pulling your knees up to your chest as you spread your pussy lips open for him. Unable to stop yourself, you rubbed your clit, working yourself up again. “Please, daddy, fuck me!”

Instead of pouncing on you the way you’d wanted, Steve froze at your words. His gaze met yours as his eyes raked over your face, like he was looking for some indication that your plea wasn’t genuine. “Sweetheart,” he grumbled, caution in his tone, but you shook your head frustratedly.

“Want you inside me, daddy,” you whined, bucking your hips and offering your body to the handsome park ranger. It didn’t matter that he was little more than a stranger, you needed him more than you’d ever needed any man before. Steve made you feel safe and desirous at the same time, but he was still staring at you, indecision written all over his face. “I’m so empty, daddy, I need you—I need you, please!” you begged him desperately, your mind scrabbling for what to say to entice him. “I want this, I want you.” You opened your eyes wide, imploring him and trying to show him that you were serious.

“Fucking hell,” Steve bit out, closing his eyes for a moment like he couldn’t bear to look at the image you presented to him. You held your breath as he stayed quiet, the muscle in his jaw popping as he seemed to try to rein himself in. When his eyes finally opened again, his dark blue gaze was glittering with feral desire. “Are you sure, baby?” he asked in a raspy voice, his tone edged with desperation. “Because I’ll fuck you harder than you’ve ever been fucked,” he said, his soft lips spilling the dirtiest filth you’d ever heard. “I’ll pound that sweet cunt of yours until you’re screaming and creaming all over my cock—I’ll ruin you for anyone else.”

You moaned, low and lustfully, at Steve’s words, your hole clenching around nothing as your body begged for him to make his promises a reality. “Please, daddy,” you whispered, hips squirming on the leather couch, your pebbled nipples straining against the flannel shirt you still wore.

“You like that idea, huh?” he asked, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “Like the idea of getting fucked so good by the park ranger who found you in the forest?” He shifted closer to you, his hand not wrapped around his cock settling heavily on your knee, his thumb stroking your skin teasingly. “Is this how you’re gonna repay my kindness, sweetheart—gonna let me fuck you so good you’ll be ruined for any other man and you’ll have to beg me to keep you?”

“Jesus, Steve,” you gasped, your body burning up with desire. Your hand began sliding up your thigh, intent on grabbing his wrist and pulling the park ranger down on top of you, but your use of his real name seemed to snap Steve out of the lust haze he’d been in long enough to process what he’d just said.

“Fuck, sorry, sweetheart, was that too far?” he asked, an adorable pink tint rising in his cheeks. You thought he’d been hot before, when he’d been capable and sure of himself. But seeing Steve blush and stop to make sure you were comfortable was something else entirely—and it only made you want him more.

You shook your head dazedly, sitting up enough to grab his shirt in your fist and pull him closer. At the same time, you used his broad body to lift yourself up until you were almost sitting, your arms going around Steve’s shoulders to hold yourself anchored as you looked deep into the blushing park ranger’s eyes.

“That was so fucking hot,” you murmured breathlessly, a little awe in your tone. Your eyes darted back and forth across his face, watching as his concerned expression morphed into a self-satisfied smirk. The moment of pause gave you time to remember something you should let him know before you went further. “But you might want to know that I’m on birth control,” you said, smiling as Steve’s face went serious and he nodded. “Also, I’ve been tested since my last partner, and it was clear.”

Steve’s chuckle was a little self-deprecating, the sound so warm, it made you want to laugh lightly along with him. Instead, you waited with bated breath to see what he’d say. “Good to know.” Steve responded, brushing a kiss to your cheek, the stubble on his jaw rasping delicately against your skin. “I’ve been tested, too, I’m good.”

You sighed happily. “Good,” you said, before shooting him a mischievous smile. “So you can fuck me without a condom.” Before you could stop yourself, you bounced excitedly on the couch, eager to feel Steve’s thick cock inside you without anything in the way.

A sound partway between a laugh and a groan escaped Steve as he dropped his head to your shoulder. “You’re so fucking cute, sweetheart,” he rumbled against your skin. His hands dug under your ass, squeezing you hard as he climbed up onto the couch, pushing you down into the pillows as his hips settled between your thighs, his cock resting on your belly. “It’s making me so fucking hard for you.” His cock twitched between your bodies and you giggled.

“Mm if you’re so hard, then maybe you should fuck me, daddy,” you teased sweetly. You raked your nails through Steve’s hair and down the back of his neck, making his dick bounce again while he let out a deep groan. You couldn’t have stopped yourself from smiling smugly even if you’d wanted to. 

Lifting his head, Steve gave you a stern look, though it softened quickly into an expression filled with affection when he saw how proud of yourself you were. “You’re still ok calling me daddy?” he asked, taking a moment to check in with you. “And with me fucking you raw?”

Just to torture him a little, you made a show of thinking for a long minute, tilting your head to the side and tapping a finger against your chin. In reality, it didn’t take you that much time to consider his questions since you were absolutely sure you wanted to call Steve ‘daddy’ and feel his bare cock inside you. When you’d decided he’d waited long enough, you looked back into his eyes and grinned. “Oh, definitely—I’m very ok with all of that.”

He laughed softly, shaking his head a little as he ducked down to nudge his nose against yours. “You keep being so adorable and sexy, and I’m gonna be begging you to let me keep you, sweetheart,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine tenderness that had your heart thumping unexpectedly hard in your chest. Before you could think of a response, or analyze why your heart had responded like that, Steve closed the distance between your mouths and captured your lips in a kiss.

Your mind went blank but for the fireworks lit by the feel of Steve’s soft mouth on yours. He groaned as he tasted your lips, the sound shooting straight to your dripping core and making you gasp. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth, exploring you and taking possession of you at the same time. You clung to Steve’s shoulders, kissing him back eagerly, stroking your tongue against his until you were both moaning into each other’s mouths.

“Steve—daddy, please,” you whined when he broke away to kiss along your jaw and down your neck. Your first release was a distant memory and your need to be filled pulsed in your core, but Steve seemed content to take his time. He sucked on the skin of your neck, working it between his teeth in a way that dragged a broken moan from your mouth. You knew he was going to leave a mark, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. In fact, you liked the idea of being marked as his.

Steve licked at the little hickey he’d left and then kissed down your neck until he reached the top button of the flannel shirt you’d worn to bed. “You look good in daddy’s clothes, baby,” he rumbled, lifting himself up enough to catch your eye, a crooked grin on his face. “But I wanna see all of you.” His hands trailed up your sides until his fingers were teasing the bare skin at the edges of the shirt. 

Once you nodded, Steve made quick work of the buttons on your flannel, parting the shirt and watching inch after inch of your bare skin be revealed to him. “So fucking beautiful, sweetheart,” he said in a low, choked voice as he stared reverently down at your body. After he’d looked his fill, his hands pressed to your skin, the callouses on his palms rough against your soft curves while he groped at you like he wanted to learn the landscape of your body.

A whine slipped passed your lips when Steve’s thumbs teased your hardened nipples, your back arching up off the couch. “Daddyyy!” you whined, enjoying his touch but needing so much more to be satisfied. 

“Be patient, baby,” Steve rumbled in response, his hands kneading your tits, his fingers plucking at your nipples. “Daddy’s busy playing with your body.” He rolled your nipples between his fingers and pulled on them until you gasped loudly, the sound devolving into a moan. “Mm, ya like that, sweetheart? Like it when daddy plays with your tits?”

You moaned and nodded, your hands clinging to his shoulders. “Yes, daddy,” you said in a whimpering voice, your hips squirming beneath his heavy cock. You could feel his precum leaking from his tip and sliding down to your belly, which only made you want him inside you more. Reaching between your bodies, you wrapped a hand around his thick girth, delighting in the way he twitched in your fingers when you stroked his cock.

Steve groaned, ducking down and sucking hard on one of your nipples before he glanced up and caught your eye. “That’s it, baby, play with daddy’s cock,” he urged, sucking on your other nipple before letting it fall from his mouth. “You feel how hard I am for you?” You bit your lip and nodded, pumping your fist up and down his hot, hard cock while he kept talking. “It’s ‘cause I was thinking about you—couldn’t stop thinking about burying my fat cock in your tight little cunt. Fuck, baby, I felt like such a filthy perv jerking off to you while you were sleeping in my bed.”

“Daddy,” you whined, using your grip on Steve’s cock to slap his hard length against your clit, sending pleasure shooting through your body. “I was thinking about you, too,” you confessed, pressing his cock between your dripping folds and humping against his hard length, feeling his veins bump against your clit. “Wanted you to fuck me and claim me in your bed, wanted to wake up with your cock still buried in my cunt just to feel you fuck me all over again.” 

“Oh fuck,” Steve cursed, leaning up and reaching behind his head to pull off his shirt. “I gotta fuck you, baby, gotta feel your tight cunt on my cock—jesus fuck.” 

For a moment, you stared at the sight of his broad, muscled chest displayed in front of you, your mouth watering at the need to kiss every inch of his golden skin. Steve looked like a golden god bathed in the glow of the firelight, and you could scarcely bring yourself to touch him, he looked so perfect. But then he was moving and touching you as desperately as you felt. 

Steve’s greedy, grasping fingers dug into the soft flesh of your thighs and he spread you open even further for his hips to settle between. His big hand wrapped around your smaller one on his cock and he lined up the leaking tip with your dripping hole. There, he paused and caught your eye. His body was tensed as he held himself back, checking in with you one more time before he sank inside you.

“Ready, baby?” he asked, rubbing his cock head through your soaked folds and teasing you further. He held your fingers captive, and your other hand slid up his muscular bicep before clinging to his shoulder, your nails digging into his skin. 

“Ready, daddy,” you said in your sweetest tone, your voice breathless as you panted with desire. 

Steve grinned and ducked down for a quick kiss, murmuring, “So sweet,” against your lips before pulling away. Then he started pushing his cock into your aching pussy. He was so big, that even the head of him stretched your tight cunt, and you whined loudly at the slight sting. When he paused, his eyes raking over your face, you gasped, “Don’t stop!”

“Greedy girl,” Steve rumbled, but didn’t stop, sinking deeper and deeper in your tight pussy, filling you up to the point that it felt like he was rearranging your body to make room for himself. 

When Steve freed your hand so he could bury himself further inside you, you wrapped both arms around his shoulders and pulled him down on top of you, your fingers digging into his soft hair and clinging to him. Your mouth was open against the stubble on his jaw, the scrape of it feeling delicious against your kiss-swollen lips while you moaned mindlessly. It took your breath away, the exquisite way Steve stretched your pussy on his cock, and you soon grew lightheaded. 

“So good, baby,” Steve murmured against your cheek as he pushed deeper inside you. “Feel so tight and warm and good on my cock—christ.” He bit off his curse as he finally bottomed out inside you, his balls resting heavily against your ass. “Fuck, I could live in your cunt, sweetheart, that’s how good you feel.”

A dazed smile pulled at the corners of your mouth and you hummed happily in acknowledgement. “Mm, feels s’good, daddy,” you whispered, nuzzling his stubbled jaw and pressing a kiss against the roughness.

“Baby,” he cooed in your ear, his hips starting to work in slow, grinding thrusts that set your body on fire with pleasure. “Ya like daddy’s big cock buried in your little pussy, sweetheart?” Your faces were pressed so close together, you could feel him grin against your cheek, which only made your heart thump with something much deeper than lust and affection, but you ignored it for the moment.

“Yes, daddy, I like it so much,” you answered honestly, unable to tell Steve anything but the truth in that moment. Your tongue was loosened by the pleasure you felt and that, paired with your honesty, meant you spilled all your deepest thoughts to the park ranger. “Never wanna leave—want your cock inside me always, Steve, feels s’perfect,” you purred in his ear.

A sound rumbled in Steve’s chest, something like a growl, and he kissed your jaw then leaned up to kiss your mouth softly. “I might hold you to that, sweetheart,” he said softly, his hips moving so his cock pulled out further, both of you reveling in the way your inner walls fluttered around him, trying to draw him back in. “I’ll keep you here in my cabin so I can fill you with my cock all the time—I’ll keep you cock drunk and fucked out.” Steve hips snapped forward, shoving his cock deep enough that you felt him slam against the end of you, wrenching a sharp cry from your lips. “My perfect little fuck toy.” 

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chanted, loving the idea of being the park ranger’s fuck toy, something for him to use and play with when he came home from work. You inhaled his evergreen and fresh air scent, the smell of Steve’s sex mixed in making you feel dizzy with arousal. “Keep me, daddy, make me yours.”

Steve shuddered in your arms and then he was pounding into you, fucking you hard and fast as he pinned you to the couch with his heavy body. All you could do was lay there and take his cock, feeling every inch of him slide against your sensitive inner walls. Your moans turned to cries as you shouted your pleasure for all the forest to hear, even as the thunderstorm still rumbled in the distance.

“Fuck, ‘m close, baby,” Steve muttered, reaching between your bodies until his thumb found your clit. “Need you to come with me, sweetheart, wanna feel your cunt milking my cock.” He rubbed your sensitive bud in harsh little circles as he fucked you, the skin of his thighs slapping against the backs of yours. 

“Daddy, daddy,” you cried on a gasp, your hips bucking up to meet his forceful thrusts. “Don’t stop, daddy, make me come, please!” A keening sound fell from your lips as you writhed beneath Steve’s big body, pleasure coiling tight in every muscle of your body.

“Don’t worry, baby, ‘m not gonna stop,” Steve huffed, his ruthless pace never flagging as he slammed his cock into you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. “Gonna rub your pretty little button until you’re coming on daddy’s fat cock,” he mumbled, fucking you so hard that your body jolted with every thrust, your tits bouncing for him.

You grabbed your tits in your hands and pinched both your nipples, squeezing your eyes shut as the sharp sting of pain sent you tumbling over the edge. You came with a wailing cry, the tension in your body snapping and leaving you helpless under a deluge of pleasure. Wave after wave of bliss overwhelmed you, your arms and legs clinging to Steve while he kept fucking you.

“Good girl, baby, so good, feels s’fucking good,” Steve mumbled, his hips rutting into you, drawing out your orgasm as he chased his own. “I can’t—‘m gonna come, sweetheart, ya ready for daddy’s come?”

“Give it to me, daddy,” you whimpered. Acting on instinct, you pulled Steve close and locked your ankles behind his back so he couldn’t even think about pulling out. 

Steve’s eyes widened a little in surprise, but then the blue of his gaze darkened and he gave you a filthy grin. “That’s my girl,” he growled, pounding into you harder, grinding his cock deep in your hole. “Oh fuck, fuck, baby—I’m coming,” he bit out, his thrusts turning wild until he shoved his cock deep inside you. Steve let out a guttural groan as he came inside you, his cock throbbing as he spilled his seed and coated your insides with his come. “Take it, baby, take it,” he grunted as he pumped you full.

You moaned softly, your still fluttering pussy greedily grasping at Steve’s cock while he unloaded inside you. “Feels so good, daddy, s’good,” you whispered, raking your nails down the back of his head and between his shoulder blades, reveling in the feeling of Steve filling you up. 

When Steve was finally spent, he collapsed to the side, rolling both of you over and wedging you between between his big body and the back of the couch. He hooked your leg over his hip so he could stay buried in your warm cunt while you cupped his face and dragged him in for a kiss. You made out for a while as you both recovered, your kisses turning lazy as you both settled. 

Eventually, you pulled away to take a deep breath, and let it out in a soft, contented sigh, snuggling into Steve’s chest and the pillows of the couch. His fingers idly stroked up and down your spine, and he made a gentle rumbling sound of satisfaction. You nuzzled into his neck, pressing a smile into his skin.

“So I was thinking,” Steve started, pausing to make sure you were still awake and listening. You hummed in encouragement for him to go on, so he did. “I’d like to take you out sometime,” he said, before quickly adding. “On a date. Maybe dinner—if you’d like that.” 

You snorted softly. “Aren’t we a little past the first date stage?” you asked. When Steve didn’t say anything, you pulled back far enough to glance up into his handsome face. It was difficult to read his expression since his back was to the dying fire, but you thought his cheeks were pinked again. “I mean, you did just come inside me, Steve,” you said a little bluntly.

Steve’s mouth flickered, but his face was so in shadow you couldn’t tell if he was smiling or frowning. “Well, I figured it might be a little too soon to ask you to move in,” he said, his tone so even you didn’t know if he was joking or not. “But if you want, I can…”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you decided he was joking, so you smacked him lightly on the chest. “Don’t even start, Steve,” you grumbled.

A grin broke across Steve’s face and he laughed. “Ok so we’re definitely not there yet, huh?” he asked, his voice tight with barely leashed laughter. “Good to know.” His hand came to rest on your hip and squeezed you reassuringly. “So, dinner then?”

Shaking your head a little, you laughed, which caused Steve to let loose and soon you were laughing together, bodies quaking beside each other on the couch. When you finally quieted, you placed a hand on the center of Steve’s chest, feeling his heart beating steadily beneath your fingertips. The fire in the grate had died down to embers and the thunderstorm had moved on, so you couldn’t even hear the distant rumbling booms anymore, only the rain pitter-pattering against the windows of the cabin.

Taking a deep breath, you smiled up at the handsome park ranger. “I’d love to go out with you, Steve,” you said, letting your genuine happiness shine through. “For dinner or any other date you wanna take me on.”

Steve smiled back at you, ducking his head to give you a long, drugging kiss. When he pulled away, his mouth kicked up in a mischievous grin before saying, “Glad to hear it, sweetheart.” His hand squeezed your hip before moving down to knead your ass. “But if I take you for a hike, promise me you’ll let me lead the way.” 

“Sure thing, daddy,” you murmured, getting distracted by the feel of Steve’s hand on your ass. He was groping you roughly enough that you could feel him spreading your pussy open slightly. You moaned softly when you felt his cock twitch and begin to harden inside you. “I’ll let the park ranger take the lead if we go hiking,” you said, trying to sound teasing, but ending up sounding like you were genuinely happy to put your trust in Steve. 

“Mm, good girl, sweetheart,” Steve rumbled, a pleased smile on his lips. He pressed a kiss to your mouth, whispering words against lips that sounded just as genuine as yours had been. “If you let me, I’ll take good care of you.” 

“Steve,” you said on a gasp, too many emotions flooding through you for you to name any of them. Instead of trying to put them into words, you pushed on the park ranger’s shoulder and rolled on top of him. You sank down fully on Steve’s cock, both of you groaning at the feeling of your tight cunt wrapped around his hardness.

“That’s it, baby, ride daddy’s cock,” Steve urged, his voice a deep rumble that made you shiver. His thick cock rubbed against your sensitive inner walls, dragging a moan from you lips. Steve grabbed big handfuls of your ass, guiding you to hump against his dick while you clung to him, your hands twisted in his soft hair. Your hips began moving of your own volition, rocking harder and faster on top of him, making Steve let out one of his pleasured grunts. “Fuck, yes, that’s my girl,” he rasped, his praise filling your ears. “Show daddy how much you wanna belong to him.” 

“I wanna be yours, daddy,” you sobbed, already overwhelmed by the feeling of Steve’s big cock buried in your pussy and his pelvic bone grinding against your clit. The emotions swirling in your chest were too much to parse, but you felt the truth of your words as they tumbled past your lips. “I wanna be yours.” 

“You are, baby,” Steve murmured, taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together. “You are—you’re mine.” His hips bucked up from beneath you, bouncing you on his cock while you kept writhing on top of him, both of you chasing your releases together in each other. “Mine.” 

“Yours,” you answered in a breathless, desperate echo of his possessive declaration. Then your mouths sealed together, and there was no more talking as you gave yourself over to his dominance and the pleasure he offered. Steve claimed your lips just as surely as he claimed your body, and it wasn’t long before you were unraveling for him again, shattering apart on his stiff length while he came inside you with a choked shout.

After you’d recovered a little, Steve hauled you down the hallway to the bathroom. He cleaned you both up before tucking you into his bed, curling his big body around yours beneath his flannel blankets. Settling into Steve’s arms, you were lulled by the occasional snap and crackle of the dying fire in the grate, the pitter-patter of the rain against the windows and the steady breathing of your park ranger. 

Before you could fall asleep, though, you couldn’t help but think about how lucky you were to have found Steve—not just because he’s saved you from being lost in a thunderstorm and given you a place to stay, but because you’d finally found a man who felt like home. Your park ranger and his cozy cabin were a shelter in the storm of life, and you knew deep in your heart that both were a safe place for you to land. Not only on that particular night, but for the rest of your life.

With a smile on your face, you fell asleep and had the best, most peaceful night’s rest you could ever remember. And when you woke, it was to the handsome face of your park ranger, Steve Rogers.

a cozy steve rogers autumn masterlist

[targarrus]

💜💜💜

[hexonthepeach]

Do you have nct fic rec? Or anything you are currently reading or have read?

i haven't been able to read much nct fic lately since writing/editing has been sucking up all my free time outside of work, and lately i've been reading more ateez (yunho just has a grip on me) but there are a few authors i'll drop everything for so here's the latest i've read from them/started reading but haven't gotten around to reviewing:

@sluttyten - you in my arms (haechan voyeurism/exhibitionism, haven't had the strength to read the last chapter but absolutely a work of art in terms of longform storytelling and mixed perspectives)

@ncteez - expert adversary (taeil office au, adorable read i went down a taeil hole lately for obvious reasons)

@jnnul - ric flair drip (jaehyun college au, this was so fun/fresh/flirty i enjoyed it even though campus/frat stuff is kind of low interest for me)

@yutaholic - there will be blood (yuta assassin/thriller vibes, beware major character death warning. luna writes villain!johnny the best, control is my all-time favorite fic in this vein, it haunts me, i will never be over it)

anything omegaverse, anything johnny, anything at all from @neopuppy, like that's the GOAT there, another godtier johnny fic that lives in my head is dumb, dumb dilf johnny with an age gap ilu i've been meaning to revisit

also i accept recs if you ever want to send anything my way!

[imtryingbuck]

This…this Bucky is a beautiful menace!

Riding into the night - Biker!Bucky/Reader

✦ Pairing: Biker!Bucky Barnes/Fem!Reader ✦ Word count: ~7,8k ✦ Rating: Explicit ✦ Warnings/tags: AU, kind of soft!dark!Bucky, smut, fluff, past asshole partners mentioned, squirting, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, spanking, spitting, edging, dirty talk, praise, degradation if you squint, breeding kink if you squint, manhandling, vaginal sex, condom, cum shot, pet names (Fairy). ✦ Summary: One of the bikers caught your attention as they tumbled inside. Tall, broad, covered in tattoos, and wearing a leather vest. Essentially no different from the rest of the gang. But those blue eyes met yours and for a second the world stood still. It was only you and him. ✦ Note: I don't know how to play pool, just go with it! 😂 This is also posted on my AO3

Masterlist | AO3

It was Yelena's bachelorette party and after dinner and clubbing, she insisted you find a less respectable place to round out the night.

That’s how you end up in the sleazy bar at the edge of town that smells of sweat, stale beer, and badly fried food. The drinks are watered down but it doesn't tamper the mood of the party, because they have a few pool tables strewn about, and you never miss an opportunity to crush your friends with a few good games. The only problem is the group of bikers that rolled in fifteen minutes ago, filling up the rather empty bar with their loud voices.

As you're bending over the table to aim you can't shake the feeling of being watched. It throws off your concentration and you don’t hit the ball where you want, making you fail the shot. Righting yourself you sigh with irritation.

"That's not like you," Natasha points out as she gets ready for her turn. With a shrug you say, "Maybe I'd just had too much to drink." Yelena snorts, "I've seen you drunk enough to barely stand and still beat everyone." She waggles her eyebrows, "I think it's a pair of blue eyes that's distracting you."

You give her the finger, but you know exactly what she's talking about. One of the bikers caught your attention as they tumbled inside. Tall, broad, covered in tattoos, and wearing a leather vest. Essentially no different from the rest of the gang. But those blue eyes met yours and for a second the world stood still. It was only you and him. It felt as if diving into a clear blue lake on a hot summer day with not a problem in the world for you to care about. Then you realized you were staring and quickly looked away, breaking the small hypnosis.

Despite having had the most to drink all night, Yelena's observation skills never evade her. She saw what happened and she'd be damned if she let an opportunity to taunt you go to waste.

Quickly shooting a glance at the table, you find the man with the blue eyes. Unabashedly he's staring at you from where he sits. The others around him are talking, laughing, being rowdy, but not him. He takes a drink from his beer in silence, tattooed fingers holding the bottle, and never once does his gaze waver from you. His dark hair is in a ponytail but small strands have broken free to be tucked behind his ears.

You wouldn't say you have a type, but if you did, it wouldn't be him. You like nice guys. So far not anyone you've dated has had a single tattoo. On the other hand, you don't have to date him to fuck him. And that is something you're in desperate need of.

"And now she doesn't even realize it's her turn!" Carol breaks you from your musings and you look at the pool table. Shaking out your shoulders you try to dispel the feeling of eyes boring into your neck. Surveying what you have in front of you, a plan forms in your mind.

"Oh, I know that look!" Natasha shouts unnecessarily loud. She’s had the second most to drink through the night. You and Carol on the other hand are as close to sober as it gets.

Taking a breath, you get into position. In quick succession, you hit three shots dead on and they go right where they should, but when you move to the fourth, Carol is leaning against the edge. "You're in the way," you tell her. "I know!" she smiles. "Can you move?" "No, unfortunately not."

You try to push her off but she's solid muscles. Natasha and Yelena laugh at your failed attempts. "You know I'm going to win this anyway, right?" "I don't have to make it easy for you," she points out.

There is only one other option if you want to make the shot. So you climb up, sitting down on the edge to lean awkwardly past Carol. Just as you move the cue, she taps the edge, causing it to graze the top of the ball and then slide off. "Hey!" Hopping down, you poke her with the stick. "That's cheating!" "It's not like you to miss, are you feeling okay?" she grins. "You're such a sore loser, you know that?" "I have no idea what you're talking about." "My turn!" Natasha yells and shoves you to the side.

You take a few steps back and walk into something solid. Craning your neck to look up over your shoulder you freeze. It's him. The heat from his chest warms you and you're enveloped in his smell of fuel, beer, and cologne that is in no way unpleasant. "How about I buy you a drink as compensation for losing?” his smooth voice asks. That should make you mad because technically you didn't lose, Carol sabotaged you, but it's hard to conjure those feelings when your insides feel as if they’re liquefying. Instead, you nod dumbly before turning to your friends.

"Hey, is it okay-," you start but Yelena won't let you finish. She just waves her hand in a shooing motion and the others don't acknowledge your supposed question. "I'm just going to put this back," you gesture with your cue, but another, equally tall biker comes up beside the man with the blue eyes.

His hair is shorter and blond, cute, but not as drop-dead gorgeous as the other. "I'll take it, play your last rounds," he smiles and grabs the stick, before making his way to your friends.

With a grin, the man with the blue eyes nods his head towards the bar and you follow the short distance. When both of you have taken your places on the high chairs he asks, "What do you want?" "Just a beer's fine," you shrug. He orders from the bartender and then turns to you. "I'm Bucky," he says. After introducing yourself you ask, "Is that your real name or is it your ‘biker-name’?". He chuckles and puts a strand of long hair behind his ear. "It's actually a nickname I've had since I was a kid. And Steve," he gestures to the big guy who took your pool cue earlier, "Has always called me that. My legal name is James."

"But you prefer Bucky?" He shrugs, "I don't think anyone has called me James in a long time." "It's a pretty name, but Bucky sounds cooler. Way more biker!” you smile. That makes him laugh and you find yourself beaming. There is just something about him. He looks tough on the outside but you have a feeling he's a big teddy bear on the inside, and hearing him laugh makes you giddy.

The beer gets lower in your glass as you talk. He buys you another one but is still sipping on his first. "Not a fan of beer?" you ask. "I want to be able to get home in one piece later, and getting drunk is a recipe for crashing." "Have you ever crashed?" "Multiple times, but never anything severe." "What kind of bike do you have?" "I can show you." There is a glint in his eyes that makes your gut clench most pleasantly. "I would love to!"

When you hop off the stool, you lose your balance for a second. Yelena insisted that you all wear heels but you're not used to it in any way. Luckily, Bucky is quick with his arm, putting it around your waist and pulling you into his side to steady you. "Woah there, lightweight. I didn’t know anyone could get drunk off that beer." "I'm not drunk, it's these damn shoes! lost my balance!" "I better keep my arm around you, just to be safe." His smile is warm and playful and it’s as if his touch is burning your skin through your clothes. Your heart speeds up, fingertips tingle. "Yeah, just to be safe," you answer in a low voice.

His eyelids lower, blue eyes turning stormy. Electricity crackles between you and you wonder what he tastes like. But making out in the middle of a bar feels weird so instead you say, "About the bike?" "Yeah, the bike,” he murmurs and it takes a second or two for him to start moving again.

Before you leave, you stop by the pool table where the majority of the bikers have joined the small party. Someone has taken the tiara Yelena previously wore and put it on Steve's head. Another guy is wearing her sash. She's telling them about her wife-to-be, showing them all the cute pictures she's taken of Kate. As you pass Natasha you tell her, "We're just going to look at his bike." She eyes you up and down. "If that is some biker-slang for sex, just say that instead."

Bucky howls with laughter as you punch her in the arm, telling her to fuck off. She brushes her skin. "I think there are mosquitoes in here."

Before you can give her a piece of your mind Bucky drags you outside. It’s a warm evening and you’re glad because you only have a thin blouse on. "You're not a mosquito,” he comforts. “You’re too pretty for that, more like a fairy covered in all that glitter.” Your tummy loops when he calls you pretty and you look down at yourself. At some point, Carol had produced a can of glitter spray to drench all of you in. "I think there is a joke in there about sucking, but I can't find it right now,” you tell him instead, which makes him chuckle before stopping in front of a huge black bike. It's one of those chopper-esc things, not the sporty kind, and in the light from the streets, it looks menacing. "That's a monster," you point out. "It's not that bad." "It's standing still and I'm scared of it."

Bucky moves you from his side to the front of him, making you take a few steps closer. Then he grabs your wrist and puts your hand on the handlebar. "See, it's not so scary," his voice is low, right by your ear, making you shiver. "Yeah, it is," you mumble. "Promise I won't let anything happen to you if you hop on." You look up at him over your shoulder. "You underestimate how clumsy I am. What if it tips over?" "It won't," "Just, don't kill me when it happens, okay?"

What he says next is so faint you almost don't catch it. "There are other punishments I would rather use." Somehow your brain filters that into the purely sexual category and another shiver runs through you. Yeah, Bucky seems like the person who would administer sexual punishments. That is something you've never explored before but it still sends a tingle of excitement down your stomach.

Ignoring it for the moment you swing your leg over the saddle and settle on the seat. The tank in front of you has a huge red star on it and you trace it with your fingertips. "How does that feel?" he smiles down at you. The shadows make him look as menacing as his bike but he feels a lot less scary.

"Okay, I guess," you shrug and try to reach the handlebars but your arms are too short to properly grip them. "How do you even…?" "Scoot over and I'll show you." He gestures and you slide backward before he gets on like he's never done anything else in his life, gripping the handles without a problem.

"Should I start it up?" he asks over his shoulder. You shake your head vigorously, "Absolutely not!" He gets off the bike, just to straddle it the opposite way so he's turned towards you. First, he grabs your legs and puts them over his thighs, then pulls you closer with his hands on your waist. Your breathing gets shallow being so close to him. "Then how am I supposed to take you home, Fairy?" You grab a hold of his vest to steady yourself. "You wanna take me home?" "It's all I've been thinking about since I walked through the door tonight," he confesses.

"Oh," you just answer. His hands are warm through your blouse, the blue eyes piercing despite the low light. There is no denying you want him, you do, but going off with a stranger makes you weary. "Come on Fairy, tell me you don't feel the same?" "Yeah I do, it's just that I don't know you." You brush your hands inside his vest, letting them travel over the broad expanse of his chest, feeling him through his t-shirt.

For a moment you sit quietly and touch each other. Your brain is going a million miles per hour, weighing pros and cons. Bucky doesn’t seem like a psychopath who will rape and murder you. But on the other hand, he might as well be. "Then how about this," he suggests. "I go back in there and let your friends take a pic of me, leave my address and if you don't check in by midnight they can call the police." Your mouth hangs open. "You want to fuck me that bad?"

"I don't think you understand," he seems a little frustrated and his hands harden at your waist even though his voice stays soft. Leaning down, brushing his nose against yours, he explains, "Not only are you the sexiest thing I've seen in a long while. You're gorgeous. On top of that, I've learned in the last hour, that you’re funny and sweet too. So indulge me, let me take you home and show you just how good I can make you feel."

Your mouth is dry as a desert. No one has ever spoken to you like that before. No one has in such a short time made you feel so desired. Finally, you decide to go with your gut, hoping it’s not going to turn out to be a terrible mistake. "Okay, Bucky," you nod.

With a wicked smile, he gets off the bike and walks back to the bar. You take out your phone and quickly write in the group chat, telling them your location is on and sending them a picture of his bike with the red star showing.

It takes longer for Bucky to come back than you thought it would and when he emerges, you notice his vest is gone. "What happened?" "That red-headed friend of yours gave me a stern talking to, and made me leave the vest." "Why?" "She said it seemed important to me, and you're important to her, and if I do something to hurt you she's going to do unspeakable things to the vest and my reputation."

That makes you laugh. Natasha may antagonize you on a regular basis but she's also fiercely protective.

He snatches a helmet from the bike beside and turns to you. "Ever ridden one of these before?" "Not a motorcycle! I've ridden a regular bike." He huffs at that before listing off some do's and don'ts. "But the most important thing," he finishes. "Is that you hold on to me really tight." He smirks, before putting the helmet on your head, tightening the straps. It's a little big but you don't think it will come off.

Bucky gets on and the bike roars to life. Telling you to hold on to him was unnecessary because the moment the sound and feel of the bike hits you, your arms go around his waist and grab onto his clothes. Your heart is hammering and you feel a nervous sweat run down your neck. He never puts a helmet on and before you know it you're flying down the streets.

You have no idea how much time passes or where you are in the city since you’re devoting all of your concentration to hanging onto him. Finally, he slows down and drives into a parking garage attached to a high-rise building. Cars stand in neat rows and he parks in an unoccupied space before getting off.

With shaky fingers, you try to open the clasp to the helmet but fail three times before he notices and does it for you. "That bad huh?" he asks as he hangs the helmet on the handle. "I don't think I can stand," you confess.

As you get off, Bucky holds you to his chest until the ground stabilizes around you. You take the opportunity to study him. There are crow's feet at the edge of his eyes that tell you he smiles a lot. Above the cleft in his chin is his full lips that you've been eyeing for most of the evening. They look soft and delicious.

Your hands travel up and braid behind his neck. Experimentally you pull, seeing if he'll follow, and he does. "I think a kiss would also help," you hint. "Who am I to say no," he hums in response.

As he bends down, you rise up and your lips meet halfway. At first, it's slow but you're both a bit desperate and it quickly gets heavier. Your finger loosens the hair tie and tangles in his long strands, pulling lightly, drawing a pleased sound from his throat. In response, he cups your ass and lifts you off the ground to pull you closer. A surprised moan leaves you before you wrap your legs around his waist and he starts walking. He breaks away just so he can find the button for the elevator, then he is right back to your lips.

Inside, he presses you up against the wall hard enough to get his hands free. They slide up your sides, in under your blouse, making you sigh into his mouth from contentment, fisting the hair at the nape of his neck harder, pressing him closer. Too quickly, but also not quickly enough the elevator dings with the announcement of its arrival on the floor.

Once again Bucky carries you to the door where he fumbles with the keys before getting it open, never breaking from your mouth.

You don't see much of the inside of his apartment because as soon as the door shuts you start pulling at his clothes, wanting them off, to feel his warm skin. The sheets are blue and the bed soft you notice as he places you down on it. With pants and blouse off, the next thing that goes is your bra and he stops the feverish kissing long enough to take you in.

"Fairy," his voice is grovely. "Fuck!" Is all he says before he gently cups your tits, thumbing your nipples and drawing small pleased sounds from you. The fabric of your panties is soaked and every pass over your sensitive peaks shoots another bolt of desire through you.

"Bucky! Can you… please!" you try. It's hard to form words. In an alarmingly short period, he’s got you unbelievably horny and all you can think about is that you need to be touched, to come!

Still playing with your tits he asks, "What do you need Fairy? Tell me what I can do for you." "Take the rest of your damn clothes off and eat me out, or finger me, or something! I'm dying!" "We don't want that now do we?" he smirks and bends down enough to give each of your nipples a kiss. When the last of his clothes go, you suck in a breath because he looks fucking divine. Just like his arms and fingers, his chest and abdomen are covered in tattoos but it doesn't hide the powerful muscles underneath. “You are… wow…” you tell him and swallow roughly. Before you have time to inspect every swirl of ink, he climbs onto the bed and starts up where he left off. His mouth trailing down from your sternum, over your stomach, dragging his teeth tantalizingly over your hip bones, kissing your mound before carefully ridding you of your underwear.

He spreads you with his thumbs, moaning when he sees how wet you are. "Fairy, I think your cunt likes me," he teases. You're about to grip his head and shove his mouth to where you need it, telling him to shut up and get going, but luckily he doesn’t waste any more time.

The cry of pleasure that leaves your mouth is probably heard by the neighbors. Feeling him work you over sends your head spinning and your body twitching. With his tongue and his lips, he tries different pressures and speeds just to see what makes you moan the loudest. "Fingers, Bucky! I need your fingers!" you tell him and seconds later two thick digits start pumping in and out of you, crooking every now and then to find the right spot.

It builds inside you in no time, the dual sensation making it brilliant. But what you feel as you near the edge makes you put your hands against his forehead, pushing and saying, "Wait! Bucky, stop." Hastily he pulls away, fingers leaving you, eyes wide and confused as he sits up. "What is it? Did I hurt you?"

Panting heavily, trying to get your quivering body under control, you wave your hand. "No, no, it's fine! Don't worry!" Then he dares touch you again. His hands slide up and down your inner thighs in a soothing gesture. "Tell me what's wrong. Do you want to stop?" His voice is as soft as his gaze on you.

"God no, I don't want to stop! It's just, ehm…" you feel the embarrassment in your chest, heating you from the inside in an unpleasant way. "Please tell me, Fairy. We can do whatever you want." You try to explain in as roundabout terms as possible, "Sometimes… when it's really good… I can't control what my body does." If you had been smart you would have had this conversation before getting into bed with him, but you weren’t, so now you have to face the unpleasant consequences. "Fairy, what are you saying?" Burying your face in your hands you continue, "Sometimes it's only a little and sometimes it's a lot, but I don't know beforehand so it's better to stop and let me calm down a bit."

There is a beat of silence before his command cuts through it, "Look at me." Slowly you lower your hands. "Were you about to squirt?" he asks point blank. "I hate that word,” you mutter. "Tell me, Fairy," he commands again. "Yes, I'm sorry. I can't control it, it happens!” You’ve had this conversation before, usually after it was already too late and you know how it goes. Luckily you remembered to stop. You’re not sure you would have been able to live it down if it had happened with Bucky. But he does not look happy at all, his eyes near slits, and you reach out towards him, letting your palms graze along his arms to placate him. “I've calmed down now so we can keep going if you want. It rarely happens when I have sex so we can just do that!"

"No," his cold tone answers and your stomach drops. Before you can crawl off the bed to go home he says, "Turn over, ass up, head down." "Bucky, I can just…" You aim your thumb at the door but he doesn’t acknowledge the gesture, only telling you, "Do it, Fairy."

Confused but also curious you turn over on your stomach and bring your knees in under you, doing as you’re told. His hands start making slow steady circles over your ass, caressing and squeezing. "Have you ever been spanked before?" "What?" "You heard me. Have you?" "No… not really…" "So, because you robbed me of your fountain orgasm I'm going to spank you as a punishment. And then you're going to turn over again and I'm going to make you come until you've ruined the sheets. Are we clear, Fairy?" "But, I just thought-,” you begin but he interrupts you. "Whatever someone has said to you before to make you think that you don't deserve to come as hard as you can, makes me so fucking angry. I want all of your pleasure, Fairy, and you're going to give it to me. Understand?" Once again you’re surprised by his words and you give yourself the benefit of the doubt that he knows what he’s in for. With a soft voice, you tell him, "I understand Bucky," and arch your back, showing him that you're ready. "Fucking beautiful."

The sting to your ass is more pleasure than pain. With every impact from his hand, a jolt goes to your cunt. If you were wet before, you're dripping by the time he declares you're done. Each of your ass cheeks gets a kiss before he pushes at your hip and makes you lay on your back again, the sheets cool against your heated skin. He crawls up over you, giving you a long hard kiss. "How are you feeling?" "Very horny," you confess. "Ready to come for me?" "Absolutely, Bucky!"

In no time, he’s back between your legs and starts as he did before, licking and tasting you until you're begging for his fingers. The combination of your slick and his saliva have wetness running down your ass, making a puddle below you. Since you were already so close before you made him stop, it doesn't take long for the coil to wind tight in your lower belly. It’s the same feeling as earlier and you warn him before it happens. "Bucky, I'm going to come!" For a second he lets up to tell you, "Please do, Fairy, I want every last drop."

Maybe it's because of the unplanned edging together with the spanking or it's because Bucky knows exactly what to do with his hands and mouth, or everything combined, but when you arch off the bed with a mind-boggling orgasm, the sides of your vision go hazy and your legs spasm hard. You think you hear Bucky moan but the blood is rushing in your ears.

Panting worse than before you sink into the bed, body lax with the release and you look down to see the unmistakable sign of your climax. Not only are your thighs wet, but the sheets are a shade or two darker, and Bucky is wiping his smirking face with the edge of the cover.

Biting your lip you try to not feel too much shame, but it's hard after years of being told it's disgusting. Although he said he wanted it, maybe he didn't know what he signed up for. "Sorry," you finally say. "Don't ever say that to me again after coming, Fairy. That was fucking amazing!" "Everything is wet." "Everything can be washed," he reassures you. Then he gets off the bed to rummage through a drawer, pulling out a condom. When he turns to you he says, "Now be a good little Fairy and grab your legs for me so I can fuck that sweet cunt of yours."

You watch with anticipation as he rolls the condom on before you pull your legs up, holding behind your knees. As he gets on the bed again, he takes a second to swipe his cock-head through your slick, lubing himself up, but you're impatient, whining and wiggling to get him inside.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, you'll get my cock," he’s trying to scold you but it gets lost when he can’t take his eyes away from the view of pressing inside you. The sensation being carried from your cunt throughout your body as he steadily fills you more and more makes your breathing labored and your hands clamping down on your legs harder. "God, that's a pretty fucking pussy taking all my cock," his voice is so low it travels through you like a baseline. Slowly he pulls out and presses in again, mesmerized by what he's seeing, but for you, it's just pure torture.

"Bucky, I need more!" you beg. His answer isn't to fuck you harder or faster like you want. Instead, he spits on your exposed cunt, making you gasp before he presses a thumb against your oversensitive clit. A loud moan rips from your throat and your legs shake. “You get so fucking tight when I touch your clit, feels amazing!”

He keeps the thumb still as he fucks you. Slow, deep thrusts that keep you right on the edge of coming. If he just moved his finger and sped up a little you'd be flying again. But he seems determined to drag this out, his groans and moans are telling you that he's enjoying it very much. Bucky's eyes keep shifting from your face to your chest, down to where you're connected, watching his cock spear you.

Suddenly he removes his hand, but before you can sound a word of protest he's leaned forward, using both his hands to grab the back of your neck. He bends your head down and lifts you from the bed a little until there is no mistake what he wants you to see. “Watch your pussy take all of my cock, Fairy. It belongs there. As if it was fucking made for me. Sucking me right back in every time I pull out.”

Briefly, he lets you have what you need, fucking you faster, slamming into you, making you feel him deep as you watch your body take him over and over again. You understand why he can’t stop watching. It’s filthy at the same time it turns you on more. In desperation, you reach down to touch yourself but he lets you go, making you bounce against the bed slightly before batting your hands away. Then he pulls out and you cry in protest. “No! Bucky! I wanna come! Fuck me!”

Sweat is glistening on his naked chest and his cock stands out from his body, the condom shiny with your slick, but he doesn't acknowledge your plea, only tells you. “On your stomach. Grab a pillow and put it under your hips.”

The pulse in your cunt is uncomfortable, almost unbearable, and you glare at him, having half a mind to just finish off yourself and get some god damned relief. Bucky raises an eyebrow in question as to why you're not doing as he says. With an irritated huff, you turn over, grabbing a pillow and stuffing it under your hips, folding your arms and laying your head on them with a pout, clearly showing him that you're not happy.

The swat to your ass makes you yelp since it's much harder than when he spanked you earlier. It earns him a glare over your shoulder. “Don't be bratty, Fairy,” he reprimands you before his knees push your legs wider and he presses into you swiftly again. He pulls your hands out from under your head, lacing your fingers together before laying down on top of you, kissing your shoulder.

“We were having such a good time,” he says as he starts fucking you again. The new angle makes his dick press right against your g-spot, forcing a whine out of you. Even though you don’t want to give him the satisfaction you can’t help to push your ass against him. With all his weight on top of you, it's hard to move, but your body craves him. “But now you're mad at me, Fairy. What can I do to make it better?” Rutting harder he sends white-hot pleasure through you. You've never been able to come from penetration alone, but the way your body feels makes you think that this might do the trick. “I want to come!” you almost sob.

“Yeah, I know Fairy. Don't forget that I can feel every little pulse of your cunt around me.” There is no comfort to be found in his tone. “Why are you being so mean?!” you cry. That makes him laugh into your neck. “Oh little Fairy. This is not me being mean. This is me wanting to give you the pleasure of your life.” He nips at your skin. “We could have been done a long while ago. You feel so good I could come any second. But I don't want that.” His hands squeeze yours. “I want you to always remember this. No matter what happens after, it'll be seared into your memories. Every time you're with someone else you'll wish it was me fucking you.”

The little show of possession makes your heart beat double and you're about to tell him you don't want to be with anyone else ever again, but that's crazy, so instead you respond with what you hope will get you what you need. “Then fuck me like you fucking mean it because right now your performance is mediocre at its best,” trying and failing to sound unaffected. This time his laugh is tinged with something cruel and you have a second to wonder what the hell you've let loose before he raises himself, pressing your joint hands into the bed to keep his weight on, and then starting to fuck you in earnest.

A sharp cry is forced from you by the brutal thrusts. The angle is much better and your body starts burning from the inside. Screams, moans, and pleas all tumble together from your lips.

Every time you think you might be close to coming he slows down, just enough to keep you from reaching any kind of high. That makes you livid and when you curse him out, he releases your hands, instead placing them between your shoulder blades, pressing you down hard into the mattress, before starting up again.

“I wish I had a vibrator to shove between your legs. Put it on the highest setting and force you to come over and over again. You'd be begging me to stop instead, trying to run away, crying. I bet you'd look real pretty sobbing.”

Your cunt clenches hard at the mental image he's presenting. You can't decide if that would be worse than this. Your body feels like a livewire, ready to release all the pent-up pleasure that has accumulated in your body. All it needs is the right touch at the right place.

One moment you’re on your front, and in the next, he’s flipped you over on your back again. You don’t even have the presence of mind to be surprised because he’s instantly inside you, your legs over his shoulders and his hands gripping your head, kissing you fiercely. It’s teeth and tongue and lips in a jumble. With his pelvis pressing against your clit it drives you fast towards the edge. “I need to see your face when you lose it on my cock,” he rests his forehead on yours. Despite his words, he slows down when it starts to climb inside you. You groan, almost in pain, the edging is making you feel crazy. Over and over again he refuses you the release you’re so desperately after.

A little too late you realize that maybe there is something you can do, instead of begging, that will get you what you want. “I wish you could come inside me,” you whisper, looking right into his eyes, clenching around him when you speak. When he groans you know you’ve hit the spot, but you press down the grin. “You want to fill me up with your cum, Bucky?” you ask before you give him a ruthless kiss. “Yeah fuck, Fairy!” He thrusts hard in response. “Better fuck me good then, and maybe I'll come back and let you do it.”

“Oh Fairy,” he growls and moves one hand to the headboard, gripping it, the other grasping the base of your skull. “You’ll come back. I'll have you outside my door, on your knees, begging for my cock.” The pace he sets has the bed creaking disconcertingly. “Maybe I'll even let you in, crawling on all fours.”

As his voice paints the picture of your submission, the climax mounts in you. Bucking up against him, you try to get more when he’s already giving you everything. All thoughts about teasing him are forgotten with the immediate pleasure. “Don't stop-don't stop-don't stop!” You chant. “Never, Fairy. Come on my dick. Let me see you.”

Your vision goes spotty when the orgasm hits, your throat screaming his name, body convulsing in a way you’ve never experienced before. Afterward, your body goes limp, twitching with aftershocks as Bucky seeks his own release. Maybe you can't have him come inside you, but you want something more. “Come on me,” you tell him in a hoarse voice. “Fuck! What?” He’s so beautiful above you with his hair hanging down in his face, sweat making his skin shine, the clear desperation and shock on his face. “Paint me with your cum, please Bucky,” you say once again. “God dammit, Fairy! Fuck!” He sits back and rips the condom off. A few swipes are all it takes and he's shooting ropes up your stomach and chest, blue eyes wide and staring as if he can't believe it, moaning your name loudly in his deep voice. It makes you grin like the Cheshire cat, knowing you can affect him just as much as he does you.

He sags down beside you, panting heavily. You never want to move but as the sweat and cum start to cool, your heart calms down, and you start feeling something else.

“Oh, I think I…” you mumble, looking down between your legs. “When I came I…” “You squirted?” Bucky chuckles at your unwillingness to say the word. “Yeah. That usually doesn't happen with sex.” “It did. You almost pushed my dick out when you came too.” He kisses your shoulder and up your neck. You turn your head to meet him in a soft kiss. “You also called me James,” he smiles against your lips.

You stare at him in horror as your mind catches up with what he’s saying and you realize you did in fact do that. “Oh god,” You wish you could sink through the bed and continue into the earth's core. “I don't know why I did that!” He kisses you again. “Don't worry, I liked it,” he reassures you.

After some more kissing, the various bodily fluids on your skin compel you to get up and head for the bathroom to clean yourself up. When you're done you study yourself for a moment in the mirror, thinking that you’ll see something different after you've just been fucked within an inch of your sanity, but you look just the same.

When you get back to the bedroom, Bucky has stripped the bed and is in the process of putting new sheets on. After you help him, you start looking for your clothes, thinking you'll take a cab home, but Bucky stops you by pulling you into a warm embrace. “You need to text your friends. I prefer my vest and my reputation untarnished.”

With a laugh you move to find your phone and when you do you notice you have a bunch of notifications. It's well past midnight.

It seems as if he doesn't want to be far away from you because as you’re writing a reply, he comes up behind you and hugs you close. Suddenly you have a better idea and stop what you’re doing, instead, you take a picture of the two of you, aiming it to just show your bare upper shoulders and your faces. The flash goes off in the dim room and when you see the picture you giggle. What you couldn't tell in the mirror, the picture clearly shows. Two fucked out people. You send it with just a short line about being alive.

When you're done you turn in Bucky's arms. “Satisfied?” “In more ways than one,” he smiles cheekily before kissing you. After a lazy make-out session standing naked in the middle of the room, you begin to pull away. “I need to-” “Stay,” Bucky finishes for you, tightening his arms. “Stay?” “Yeah, I'll make you breakfast tomorrow and then take you home.” “You don't have to,” you tell him. “Indulge me?” “Fine,” you sigh as if it’s a great burden. “I guess I could stay, but if you don't cuddle me, I'm leaving.” He pinches your ass in reprimand, making you jump. “You have no idea what you've signed up for, Fairy.”

True to his words Bucky hardly lets you out of bed, even in the morning when you need to use the bathroom. When you come back he holds up the cover and pats the mattress. As soon as you're beside him he pulls you in closer, putting his face in the crook of your neck and mouthing at your skin. A pleasurable sigh leaves you as you snuggle in closer to his warm body. Although the both of you were naked together the night before you never had time to explore his body, so now you let your hands roam everywhere they can reach.

Bucky lets his own hands travel over your skin, but those touches don’t stay innocent long and soon his erection is pressed into your stomach. Taking pity on him you spit in your palm and grab him, making him hiss at the contact before you lazily start pumping him. When he tries to reach between your legs you push his hand away. “No, let me take care of you,” you say sternly. “Whatever you say, Fairy,” he groans and thrusts into your palm.

There is no finesse to it all, just a quick morning hand job. He comes between your bodies, dirtying the sheets. When you see his eyelids starting to close again you poke him and they fly open. “You promised me breakfast!” “You just missed it,” he winks. In response, you roll your eyes before getting up. “Men!”

Instead of pulling on your jeans and the blouse drenched in glitter from the night before you snag the t-shirt he was wearing and find your discarded panties. The t-shirt barely covers your ass but at least you're semi-dressed as you go out into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Muttering under his breath about you being a stubborn woman he follows you in sweatpants and a fresh henly. Before you can find the coffee he hauls you up and puts you on the kitchen island, boxing you in with his arms on either side, lowering himself to glare at you. “Instead of opening every cupboard in the whole damn kitchen, tell me what you want and I'll make it.” “Coffee, with milk and sugar.” “And to eat?” “What do you usually make for the women you bring home?” you tease.

That makes him rise to his full height, looking down at you, and crossing his arms. “You think I have a habit of bringing women home and fucking them like I did you last night?” “You didn't get that good by theorizing,” you point out. “There hasn't been anyone, in a long time, Fairy,” his voice is suddenly soft as he cups your cheeks. You have another teasing comment on your lips but think better of it when you see his guarded look.

Instead, you put your arms around his waist and pull him in between your legs, resting your chin against his sternum to look up at him. “Then you make me whatever you want. But I don't like fish.” With a smile, he asks, “How about scones?” “Sounds perfect.”

When you’re done with breakfast he puts you on the table, insisting that he needs dessert and showing a much gentler side than the night before as he strums your body until you tell him you can't come anymore. Then he carries you to the couch and puts on a random channel. Together you watch reruns until you slide down his body to give him some of his own medicine. No matter how much he begs, you take your sweet time tasting him and when he comes it’s with a roar of your name. After some more cuddles and a nap, you convince him that you actually need to go home.

Just as you're about to head out there is a knock on the door and Bucky opens it to find Steve outside, holding his vest. Earlier he explained that Steve lives a few apartments down the hall. “I was told to give this to you.” Bucky takes it and inspects it quickly before hanging it up. To you, it seems untarnished.

“Hope Nat didn't give you too hard a time,” you smile. Assuming they'd stayed late at the bar and when she'd seen your text she'd given it to Steve. His eyes quickly flick away and there is a blush on his cheek. “No, no, it was fine.” You narrow your eyes and study him, noticing a small red bite mark on his neck. “Oh my god!” you exclaim and start laughing. Steve blushes even more. Bucky looks confused between the two of you. “What?” In a very loud whisper, you tell him, “I think Nat is at Steve's place.” Bucky's eyes glimmer with mirth and he looks at him. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Steve waves and heads back down the hall. Just as he pulls the door open you yell. “Tell her I said hi!”

Fortunately, Bucky also has a car, and as he drives you home, he keeps his hand on your thigh the entire time. Outside your apartment, he turns to you. “I want to see you again,” he says. “Okay.” You want that too. So much! “When?” “Tomorrow ideally but if that doesn't work, how about a date on Friday?” You could do tomorrow but you feel yourself already falling for him. Some distance would do you good, so you say, “Friday sounds great! Give me your phone.” You type in your number and save it under the fairy emoji before sending yourself a text. Then you save him under a motorcycle emoji.

Before you can get out he pulls you in for a long, deep kiss. “Now go before I kidnap you and keep you warm in my bed all week.” “Don't tempt me with a good time,” you wink and give him one last peck before getting out. In an act of pure self-preservation, you don't look back.

After a long shower, and checking your phone a million times throughout the evening to see if he’s texted, you come to the realization that you will never make it to Friday. You: [If I told you that I’ve changed my mind and want to see you tomorrow, would that make me seem desperate?] The response is quick. Bucky: {No more than I feel right now. I’ll pick you up after work. When do you get off?} Refusing to let an opportunity like that go to waste, you reply. [Preferably quicker than last night. I’m not sure I’m a fan of edging ;)] {Fairy, don’t make me spank you again. Off of work.} [I’ve told you not to tempt me with a good time ;) I get off at four]