#debating on if i wanna tell him or not cos i think its real funny

[eldritchmochi]

i have already spent the bulk of the last 10 months laughing at myself because i have gotten real good at coming so hard i need my inhaler thanks to this bafflingly huge crush i have, but now that i am actually fucking him, i am further losing my shit because i SUPER need to be careful to space out not only sex but my solo wanking as i did definitely end up making myself super sick thanks to having blood dont work disease with pussy game so strong i dehydrated myself

bad combo actually

[bidaryl]

okay so u know those AUs where its like……rick wakes up from his coma and its the start of the apocalypse all over again after living through a fair chunk of it!! and its like him correcting mistakes and getting his second chance and shit OR the version where they ALL suddenly just wake up one day back in the modern world zombie free and it was all a dream but they all collectively had it so they find each other and meet up????? thats neat and all and i will read those fics till the day i die but u know what i have not seen and i rly wanna like. cry over?

daryl.

daryl waking up at the start of the end of the world. okay i haven’t put much thought into pre-rick era so like maybe just before rick comes in? maybe when merle and the crew leave for the city???? and its like a post-negan daryl thats waking up here. mayhaps the night glenn d*es and daryl gets taken? OR EVEN better maybe when jesus rescues daryl and its when daryl finally falls asleep for the first time in months on an actual pillow surrounded by certain members of his found family and then he just????? wakes up!!

he wakes up and he’s at the fcking quarry. his bitchass loudmouth brothers nowhere in sight cos as daryl figures out later, merle left the previous day. its the big reset button that everyone kinda wishes they had because they’ve all lost so much over the past 2-3 years but like… never though it could happen.

or! and i haven’t actually seen past carl dying so i’m not positive about things but hmmm what about a version when when rick ~dies. the bridge explodes. rick, for all intents and purposes of the show, /is DeAd/. and daryls a fucking mess becos that was on him and maggie and idk who else was involved in that plot or even if thats actually what happened. but from what ive gathered rick and daryl were kinda on the outs with the negan shit and that bridge scene could’ve been avoided. if things had just gone a bit differently. if they could go back in time just for a second! just one more chance! one more shot at things going differently and daryl could totally fix everything. then the next day daryls waking up at the quarry.

ugh cos THINK about it!! quarry era daryl and saviour/negan+ era daryl are so different? like the heart of him is the same but they all barely know each other at the start and daryls so angry and skittish and runs on fight or flight mode but alexandria/saviour/negan era daryl has like……bleed for these people? provided food and water for these people? led these people to safety? put his life on the line on several occasions for these people? made some of these people smile and laugh by just existing? stepped in as leader when rick has his moments? or like co leader with michonne & co.?

like would he tell anyone?? would he speak up more and try lead them to the farm cos that was a good move they did before? does he keep up pretences and chuck a tantrum over the crew not returning with merle or does he like. go ‘okay.’ and everyones like what the actual fuck. does he go into the prison and head for the cafeteria straight away to get the remaining prisoners out and kill that one bitch that fucks shit up for them??

he absofuckinglutely saves sophia. jumps that fucking guardrail before rick can even get out from under the car properly. carol literally not letting sophia out of her sight for days after daryl and rick and sophia all return like 2 hrs later, wet and covered in dirt and some blood but safe.

then!! if he did tell someone, who would it be?????? rick?? carol?? like how would that even go down. would he tell them maybe later on? prison era maybe. when michonne finally comes and they’re all debating whether to let her in or let her fuck off and stuff and daryls like wow i cant take this anymore rick that is ur future WIFE man. patch up her fucking leg.

or maybe carol. when they’re on watch together and carol casually mentions that daryl was over and into the woods, right on sophias heels, before people even realised which direction she went. how rick mentioned once to her that daryl seemed to know exactly where to find her. even picked up her doll without even seeming to stop. just seemed to know exactly what was happening. daryl just shrugging.

also side note. we, and daryl, do NOT know a butterfly effect. absolutely no ‘oh he saved xoxo and that means them and 2 others are gonna die!’ plots. nope. no way. this is the do-over of all do-overs. a one time fix it and fix it for the better.

THAT ALL BEING SAID this post is me being like hey what if daryl got a second chance whatever but no! what this post is truly about at its core is: IMAGINE a daryl thats lived….lets go with the ricks just died version. daryls lived that long and lost that many members of his family.

and then he hasn’t.

imagine daryl seeing beth for the first time again. the last time he saw her, he was carrying out her dead body to her sobbing sister. then they’re all at the farm again and she’s theres. alive and well and still young and bright and smiling. ‘you’re gonna miss me so bad when i’m gone’ he fucking did. he missed her so fucking much. he like. physically stops himself from like just going up and grabbing her and hugging the shit out of her.

daryl seeing sophia grow up? seeing carol become that mum. the mum that she always wanted to be and become still the strongest fucking women daryl had ever met but also like……..her and sophia. every time he sees them together he just wants to cry. carol deserves this so fucking bad. after everything, if he could save nothing else. he can make peace with himself knowing he gave carol this. this time with her daughter that she got robbed of.

daryl seeing glenn, alive, so so so young it seems compared to the the last glenn he saw. seeing him at camp at the quarry. seeing him talk to maggie for the first time. going from seeing him alive and so so so fucking real then his sleep being filled with nightmares of That night. how long after glenns death did daryl blame himself. would’ve put his head under the bat without hesitation if it meant that glenn could live and meet his son. him and maggie can run hilltop together. and now he’s real and he’s tangible and he’s funny and daryl spent so much of his time remembering glenn and feeling guilty that he never even really let himself miss him? but fuck he’s missed glenn so fucking much. missed having his back out on runs and glenn having his.

meeting aaron and eric again. going to that spag bowl dinner, eating the fuck out of it, just enjoying watching these two gays in love have dinner with each other at the end of the world. thinks about how they specifically invited him over for dinner. erics not gonna die this time round. they’re both gonna met gracie. bring her back number plates. help her put them on the wall, put them amongst all her drawings.

meeting merle again. knowing that merle died for him. them. the whole family. michone. idk if i want merle to live or die idk lets move on.

hershel lives!!!!!!!!! no beheading here!!!!!!!! fuck that!!!!!! fuck the governor!!!!! maggie and beth and glenn do not ever have to witness their father (in law) being killed in cold blood! no! hershel fits in v well with the alexandia community and thrives there. daryl makes damn sure of that.

daryl on that first day they meet jesus? him and rick getting in that car, rick singing that damn song, and daryl realising oh Shit! its that day already?? and then jesus, the fucker, does exactly what he does last time. and daryls just like.......so fucking happy that jesus is HERE and ALIVE and RIGHT THERE that he doesnt even get to outsmart him. show off. jesus pulls the firecracker stunt again and swipes ricks keys and when rick and him are stranded there and jesus has taken off with the truck, daryls just standing there like how the fuck did i let that happen. chases him around the field AGAIN! ‘duck!’ ‘thats my gun!’ AGAIN!!!!!! <3<3<3

the long road of the apocolypse is just as hard the second time as the first but everytime daryl looks around at his family and sees everyone they lost so tragically last time, alive, hes like..................a MESS. theyre alive! and safe! and hes so happy that his family is all together again. 

[lovinmullen]

the pacific: part one, live blog because i said so

he looked so pissed when he has to make the sign of the cross to mary..... I KNOW ITS BECAUSE HES FALLING AWAY FROM HIS RELIGION but all i can think is undercover protestant????? i hate that i find myself funny stfu tom like he’s some angsty protestant like ‘this is fucking bullshit why the fuck DO THEY PRAY TO MARY’ which..... is a huge missconsperion but i’m not gonna get into that right now but hey if anyone needs an rs teacher? i got you

are you telling me i could have heard the most BEAUTIFUL monologue about the saint mary’s church and her plans for the day as well as being able to see that sweet sweet smile on vera’s face for longer but it was cut short because bobo went ‘i joined the marines’ GOOD FOR YOU BUT.....

rOBERT...... you really gonna give her THAT look...... IN GODS HOUSE is this allowed? is THIS ALLOWED???? if you don’t say it in the voice of the vine we can not be fteejssn sorry i don’t make the rules

#BOB: i wanna catholic girl that go to church AND READ HER BIBLE (is that even right??? omg i can only remember the jewish one *in the voice of ryan reynolds severely slowed down* FUUUUUCCCKKK)

on a real note this man saw her at church ONCE and his ass went finna wife up like........ take her out to dinner first. OR AT LEAST ASK HER HOW SHE IS IN THE LETTERS like we get it you’re emo, the aussie won’t shag you anymore and you keep pissing your pants. i understand it’s a hard not life or how ever that song in annie goes but bro.........(this is obviously a joke i am dumb of ass please ignore me i love you m8 and i’m sorry you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of everyone but chuckler shifts to momma mode so you good)

can we please acknowledge jon’s acting..... sir? PHENOMENAL he’s not even saying anything??? he’s just looking at the lt yet i’m near tears

gentle reminder i love the basilones🥺🥺🥺 the way they are so supportive even though they don’t understand and they are scared for him but they accept and respect that john wants more, needs more and they’re putting their own fears aside so he can spread his wings for no better turn of phrase.

‘just get the job done, and come home to us’ the way his head falls and he has to stop his voice from breaking. i’m s fucking bitter

THE HAND HOLD MY GOD

leckie:((( look hes a bastard and he pisses me off but no matter how much i bully him i do love him a lot and the complete disregard and uncaring nature from his dad breaks my heart. a handshake then gone just like that? HIS FACE BEFORE ‘there’s a war on everybodies got to make sacrifices’ he looks so hurt and broken baby

GENE MY SWEET SWEET BABY GOD THIS SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO. my baby just wants to do his part :( CUT THE CAMERAS DEAD ASS I WILL CRY BABY PLEASE DON’T CRY JUST WAIT A FEW MORE EPS my heart really do be looking like: <eugene3

‘gene, supper’s ready’ ma’am i’m sorry but he does not give a shit

SIDNEY MY SWEET SWEET BOY get in a pram if you’re going to be so baby. look while i love him so much and i know he didn’t mean it to be !!!!! he’s just small of brain !!! but when he says “i wish we where going together” that lowkey rubs it in man......... like he’s already heartbroken PLEASE STOP but the “yeah well you take care of yourself greaser” - “you don’t have to worry about me” IM SOFT🥺

“wOWoWOoOOO COME ON GUYS I WORKED HARD FOR THESE ORANGES”

“guadal...kenel...guadal BLEEHHH” didn’t realise hoos was recreating the audience of my english speaking exam. LOOK I REALISE NOW TALKING ABOUT STOICISM TO A BUNCH OF 15 YEAR OLDS WHO DON’T CARE WAS A BAD IDEA BUT I GOT A DESTINCTION SO FUCK YOU TO THAT ONE KID

chuckler baby..... i’m in love with a dumbass. also the hit across the head. i’m soft (lads lets take a shot every time i say i’m soft in this liveblog ITS GONNA BE A FUN NIGHT jk drink responsibly and all that jazz or be dick winters that’s cool too!! heck do a babe heffron and get yourself a caprisun you deserve it)

“professor leckie” please don’t fuel his ego HE DOES NOT NEED IT

HOLD UP I NEED TO SWITCH FROM THE TV TO MY LAPTOP TO SCREEN CAP THIS SHIT LEW MY SON HAVE YOU BEEN BITING INTO AN ORANGE LIKE IT IS AN APPLE??? I WOULD BE MAD BUT HE LOOKS SO CUTE on a real note though can you eat the skin???? will he be okay?????

okay two hoos things: 1.) he looks SO DONE and i’m living for it 2.) can we talk about jacobs nose..... IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT JACOBS NOSE

okay the boats scene give me saving private ryan flashbacks i came out here to have a good time AND I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME oh wait never mind runner just went ‘i could really use a stiff one right now’ i hate that but he saved the day with his dumbassery so thank you good sir i love you with all my heart

fun fact my how co ranking goes chuckler, runner, hoos, leckie

OH FUCK I FORGOT SID SJAKSJSJ y’know for someone who talks about how much they love sid i forget about him a lot. thank you for blessing my screen with your pretty face it helped me remember you exist LMAO guys my memory is not okay i’m actually concerned...... but more importantly i’d put him between hoos and leckie in the ranking :,)

call it what it is. babyism. y’all better stop before i cuddle you LOOK AT THIS SHIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

runner is the only bitch i respect in this house he’s so fucking funny

‘they’ve? poisoned? a? billion?! coconuts?’ that poor son of a bitch BLESS HIM don’t shoot the messenger okay? he seems like a sweet bean

that shot of hoos, leckie and chuckler looking down at the camera into the bunker? my sexuality. my left brain: tomas stop thirsting it’s an intense and serious show. my righ brain: but?? they’re pretty?? me nodding smugly and in agreement: BUT THEY’RE PRETTY.

THIS MAN AND HIS GUM I CAN’T why is that me. i am the gum man at my school that sounds so weird ajsksjsj i just always have gum. ALSO spearmint is superior to normal mint. NORMAL MINT BURNS LIKE ITS SPICY BRO. bubblemint is superior superior but that’s more expensive rip😭😭😭😭😭😭

‘it’s like the fourth of july’ nice to my boy sufjan getting some rep he is king of the gays after all mr i can’t explain the state that i’m in the state of my heart he was my best friend. we all owe him EVERY parallel on this goddamn app. jk there’s one other king of the gays and that is demon! shane (bfu). no this is not up for debate

the shot of the ships is phenomenal. that’s one thing i do have to credit hbo on. the special effects and cinematography are beautiful and so fucking impressive like???

‘we’re killing them’ - ‘where’s the navy?’ / ‘gone we lost four cruisers’ GOD I HAVE SUCH A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP FOR FORSHADOWING LIKE SOMETIMES ITS SO SEXY AND OTHER TIMES IM LIKE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO AWAY

WHY DOES SID LOOK OVER HIS SHOLDER BEFORE TAKING THE WINE SIR NO ONE IS GONNA TELL YOU OFF AT WAR FOR DRINKING UNDERAGE like???? i don’t think an 18 year old having a swig is their biggest problem bless his heart

‘can’t fight em drunk don’t fight em at all’

bill if you are reading this i’m free on thursday night and would like to hang out. please respond to this and then hang out with me on thursday night, when i am free😌😘🥰😳🥺👉👈😤💘💓🙄🥴

FUCK I FORGOT HOW LOUD THE GUN SHOTS WHERE THINK I JUST WOKE THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD JC

‘skipper? skipper are you okay?? goddamnit he’s lost it come on’ :(((((

god the shots in this show really are phenomenal. i know it’s very gory and very hard to watch at times but it definitely has the best shots of the three en mi opinion. i’m a slut for the close up of dick screaming ‘move out’ with rounds flying. like who’s ever call that was? outstanding but like that’s just one? the pacific has so many emotive and excellently shot scenes.

JOG ON. STOP. IM SO SOFT IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS NOT OKAY. MOMMA CHUCKLER I CAN’T🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

how seemlessly the scenes flow one after the other despite being opposite ends of the spectrum i DID NOT GIVE TP ENOUGH CREDIT like yeah it makes me sad as fuck but from a production point of view the writing? the acting? the cinematography? DAMN

how visibly torn and pissed off hoosier looks over the other marines tormenting the japanese soldier, stringing out his death when he’s obviously in a lot of mental as well as physical pain? the only bitch i respect in this house.

okay so like? while the shot is scarring both for him and the audience to see that kind of effortless murder it was the right thing to do? it’s better then have him be tormented and it will help leckie in the long run? how broken he looks though? like the distance is his eye and the way he swollows....... WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS HUH???? brilliant james BRILLIANT

the way i just said ‘if biology would have permitted it i would be asking you to have my babies’ at the sight of a man shoving smokes up his nose....... now ladies theyzies and gents, a prime reason to show why you should do your work. this is tom. tom didn’t do his work. with nothing to do all day tom became bat shit..... don’t be like tom. okay like it is cute though COME ON

HOW PROUD AND SMUG AND HAPPY HE LOOKS AT HIS PREMOTION ‘yes ma’am i am a corporal’ HE IS SO BABY AND FOR WHAT. oops sorry lads looks like i dropped this:

the shot of leckie swimming in the water fading off to the shot of the dead bodies mirroring his movement but obviously a life less version OOOH IMMA SUE

god love me some men with black lungs LECKIE DO BE LOOKING GOOD LIGHTING THAT CIG DAMN

“i have a girlfriend lucky me” HOOS IS LIKE MY GAY ASS YOU SURE????

“you guys step aside the real marines are here now” “AND I’VE BEEN HERE FOR SOME TIME” that shuts iconic even i said wahayyyy

also runner..... i am looking RESPECTFULLY👁👁

you’re not special leckie we all want hoosier

sister👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

baby gene :,( YOU GINGER LIL BEBE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

can you really call yourself a hbo war an if you don’t sing along at the end... ITS A TUNE also hoos’ voice...... its about the drawl....... 

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: can we talk? Janis: [leaving this on read for time] Janis: what Jimmy: do you wanna meet me somewhere or Jimmy: just like this? Janis: I'm not about Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: [massive pauses and the 🗨 with the dots cos he's deleting and doesn't know what to say and everything like] Janis: Just say it Jimmy: I dunno how to Jimmy: for a start, you were right but I ain't here to chuck you a 🏆 Janis: what about Jimmy: Becca Janis: yeah well Janis: I knew that Jimmy: well I'm sorry I didn't Janis: whatever Janis: it's your life Jimmy: yeah but Jimmy: I want you about in it Janis: I can't Janis: and I'm not gonna say congratulations Jimmy: weren't gonna have a party myself Janis: sure she won't be offended Jimmy: I don't care how she feels Janis: bit rude Jimmy: her throwing herself at me were that Janis: so you turned her down then Jimmy: I near fell out the fucking car and broke another rib trying to get away Janis: what was you in her car for Jimmy: what do you think? Jimmy: nah don't answer that actually, I know what you reckon Janis: how would I know Janis: and I don't think you can claim to know fuck all after this really Jimmy: I knew I didn't wanna go off home with just Gracie going on at me, how's that? Janis: what do you want Janis: an apology Jimmy: I want you, you dickhead Janis: you've said a lot of shit since then Jimmy: I've never said I don't though Janis: not in exact words but you don't really need to when you call me mental and say you don't need any of this Jimmy: might be that headcases are my type Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: you are Jimmy: it's on the list of what makes you 🥇 Janis: as far as attempts at flattery funny > headcase Janis: you can have that for free Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: bit skint after chucking petrol money at the lass who tried to jump me Janis: stop Jimmy: that were what I said Janis: I mean it Janis: I told you Janis: it was so fucking obvious why couldn't you just listen Jimmy: I thought you were just Janis: yeah, jealous and mental Jimmy: like I am about him, yeah Janis: it's just Janis: at least I know he wants to fuck me Janis: I'm not pretending Jimmy: neither were I Jimmy: why would I have a clue what she wants? Jimmy: I don't know her, I don't want to Janis: she were hardly shy Janis: but alright, whatever Jimmy: lasses aren't Jimmy: she never said owt, did owt until Janis: 'cos people always say what they mean and want Jimmy: I'm just saying if I reckoned she were like that I'd have left it Jimmy: I weren't doing nowt to get at you or Janis: okay Jimmy: I get that I fucked this but it weren't 'cause I proper fit in with them Jimmy: or I don't like you enough Janis: does it matter why Janis: if its fucked its fucked Janis: don't need to dole out blame Jimmy: I read it all back and you said I say and do shit to go back on it when I have Jimmy: and when I am that dickhead it's 'cause I really fucking like you Jimmy: that matters if it's nowt that you want Jimmy: we said we were just gonna be mates, fuck Jimmy: I shouldn't have signed up for something that were never gonna work Jimmy: so 'course you need to know it weren't your fault Janis: Neither should I Janis: and I knew it wouldn't work before then Janis: for loads more reasons that have nothing to do with you Janis: aren't your fault, like Janis: but I just did it anyway because Janis: I wanted to Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I still want to but Janis: How Janis: why Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: What kind of questions are them? Janis: I don't know why you like me Jimmy: seriously Janis: we argue all the time Jimmy: 'cause I've only got the one good ear for listening Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: Alright, you listen Jimmy: we argue all the time 'cause you make me feel things Jimmy: care about things Jimmy: I'm a 👻 it weren't part of the plan Janis: Me too Janis: on both Jimmy: I never argued enough with my ex, it ain't better Janis: it's like Janis: I want you too but I don't know how to be hurt anymore Janis: and I don't know how to not hurt you either Jimmy: if one us has to get hurt, I'm alright with it being me Jimmy: however you do it Janis: I ain't Jimmy: it won't be any worse than what's already happened before I got here Jimmy: it can't Jimmy: you don't have to be 🙀 alright? Janis: I'm not scared Janis: not of that Janis: I don't want to Janis: I won't Jimmy: not gonna make you, girl Jimmy: ain't a kink I've got Janis: I told you, I can't be nice Jimmy: it don't matter what you say Jimmy: I've felt it Jimmy: literally in my rib, not just a metaphorical way Jimmy: which rhymes now so tah for that 🙄 Janis: just can't help being artistic Jimmy: weren't trying to write you a poem Jimmy: but I wouldn't only start breathing around you if I couldn't Jimmy: if it weren't safe to Janis: are you sure Janis: because you're just Jimmy: I told you, northern, not that thick Janis: I don't think you're thick Jimmy: I am but that's not a reason for you to do one Jimmy: only works for the lads Asia is with Janis: don't get above yourself Janis: this weren't all about you Jimmy: just a 🤏 Janis: [sends picture like 😒] Jimmy: [sends one back like 😍] Janis: you make everything so bloody difficult, you know Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I know Janis: What are we gonna do Jimmy: What do you wanna do? Janis: I don't know Janis: tell me Jimmy: what you should do? Janis: yeah Jimmy: come back Janis: yeah Janis: I thought you might say that Jimmy: to me though Jimmy: not just to this shithole Janis: okay Jimmy: okay Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'm sorry too Janis: I didn't mean to make you Janis: whatever you were Janis: are Jimmy: it's alright Janis: well Janis: I missed you Jimmy: I miss you Jimmy: haven't stopped Janis: I'll come back Janis: I'm trying Jimmy: Where are you? Jimmy: I'll drive there Janis: I'm ages from where the festival was Janis: never mind there Jimmy: I don't care Janis: I know but I do Janis: I can get back Jimmy: I can get there Jimmy: won't get lost, promise Janis: your dad will 100% notice Jimmy: his girlfriend's here, he can't kick off enough to stop me Janis: damn, break my heart why don't you Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: if I leave you to it he'll be single again before you're back Jimmy: mums never last Janis: we'll ignore that you reckon I can't get back alone Jimmy: I never said you can't Jimmy: I said it'll take ages Janis: oh, so you're gonna speed as well as steal and drive without a license are you Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: and what? Janis: stop trying to seduce me Jimmy: I can't help being #goals, babe Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: 😏 you're a dickhead Jimmy: yeah but I wanna be yours Janis: say that again Jimmy: I wanna be your dickhead Jimmy: the only one you want Janis: you are Janis: you seriously are Jimmy: you're Janis: okay, you can come Janis: [location] Jimmy: you sure? Jimmy: I'll meet you halfway if you need to show me how 💪🏆 you are Janis: if you want to Janis: just don't get caught Jimmy: nah, tell me what you want Janis: I want to see you Jimmy: okay Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: Your sister messaged me Janis: I don't wanna get you in proper trouble Jimmy: she what? Janis: [screenshot] Janis: so we can say its for her benefit if you like Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [ages while he's talking to Cass] Janis: are you okay Janis: not tryna start drama Jimmy: she's coming an' all, don't worry she's never been caught for nowt Janis: alright Janis: family reunion Jimmy: but you should know Jimmy: snap Janis: snap, what? Janis: you've got my sister in the car too Jimmy: I've had her in my inbox Janis: you are joking Jimmy: piss off, I'm funnier than that Janis: debatable but Janis: eurgh Jimmy: [screenshots of his faves insults because Grace going off thinking he's a cheating scumbag] Jimmy: she's got her own jokes Janis: great Janis: that's great Janis: not mortifying on so many levels Jimmy: I weren't gonna say owt but Jimmy: you might wanna 🗨 Janis: I might wanna kill her Janis: we'll see Jimmy: wait and we'll get 'em all in a go 🎯 Jimmy: stand by my pisshead comparison to her and my 🐕 Janis: barks worse than her bite? Jimmy: were gonna say sheds loads and she reckons you're 🥇 near as much as I do Jimmy: but that'll work an' all Janis: 😏 piss off Jimmy: [screenshots of all these real af Janis compliments in the vein of how dare you etc we know the vibe] Jimmy: didn't write of word of it myself Janis: stop it Janis: already in hiding here Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: well hard to be adored, isn't it? Janis: you should know Jimmy: 🤤 ain't 💕 Janis: it ain't that simple either, like Jimmy: Ian wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, Cass might spit and Bobs would put it out by 😭 Jimmy: that's simple enough Janis: she likes you more than that Janis: I can tell Janis: but don't do anything, you're so uncool and you'll just blow it Jimmy: she don't like me at all, she's my sister Jimmy: don't have to Janis: exactly, someone'll just be getting at her too Janis: for losing me, or some other bollocks Jimmy: probably Janis: no 💕 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: if that's how you want it, baby Janis: being just friends didn't work Jimmy: it didn't Janis: so Jimmy: Do you wanna stop fucking me then? Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: Alright, do you wanna be my girlfriend instead? Janis: do you mean it Jimmy: Why else would I say it? Janis: I just have to ask Jimmy: you heard me before, I really like you Janis: I did Janis: I could be your girlfriend Jimmy: so go on Janis: alright Janis: let's do that instead Jimmy: sorted Janis: so you can use 💕 Janis: sometimes Janis: if you like Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah, just like that Jimmy: you don't have to be so hot about it Janis: 😂 soz Janis: kids onboard, I remember Jimmy: kid Jimmy: weren't letting Bob come, we'd never make it for stopping every 15 minutes Janis: Got younger brothers, don't need to tell me about the aim they ain't got for the bottle trick Jimmy: would love him to piss all over Ian's car if we didn't have to be sat about in it for ages after Janis: not very romantic Jimmy: as roadtrips go Janis: didn't fuck off for the drama or the 💕 reconciliation Janis: soz to report Jimmy: we can keep that between us, Jules Janis: don't tell Grace, obviously 💔🙄 Jimmy: doubt she'll speak to me again Janis: sound more thrilled Jimmy: best day of my life Jimmy: hands down Janis: now you're being too much Jimmy: 💕 Janis: better be @ me not her, dickhead Jimmy: it's yours, dickhead Jimmy: same as me Janis: you really can't be saying things like that and not be here for me to Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're always in the middle of nowt Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: just a 🤏 Janis: we agreed, like Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: make me Jimmy: [most 🔥 sext ever] Janis: fuck Janis: know I literally asked for it but Janis: you really always go above and beyond, yeah Jimmy: you're that inspiring Jimmy: and I can't stop thinking about you Janis: I think about you more than anything else Janis: I can't stop Jimmy: we can stop for a bit though, can't we? be alone in a proper bed, no crying or crap music playing Janis: that sounds like a plan to me Jimmy: then it is Jimmy: a real plan Janis: I promise Janis: no faking, no one else Jimmy: it really is so different with you Jimmy: I still can't fully get my head round it Janis: No one else has ever Janis: fill in the blank, like, probably true Jimmy: I get that Jimmy: unless we're filling them in like 💔🎻😭 Jimmy: my ex holds all them cards Janis: I'm not gonna fight her for them Janis: but I can smack that other bitch for you Jimmy: no need, all her mates saw me fall onto the gravel instead of into her arms so Jimmy: and I were pretty loud about telling her to fuck off Janis: are you alright Jimmy: I'm not dying for anyone but you Janis: too right Jimmy: I should've listened to you Janis: don't matter now Janis: never have to see her again Janis: lucky for her Jimmy: alright, you're well fit, you can stop now Janis: but I'm well serious too Jimmy: don't I'll 💀💀💀 Jimmy: no one else has ever fought for me before Janis: well, you're coming to rescue me now so the score'll be even there 🤴⚔ Jimmy: nah, you didn't need me to Jimmy: you could get back Janis: I want you to Janis: and I'm only coming back for you Jimmy: I'm only staying here for you, might make us even enough Janis: if you're okay with it, I am Jimmy: til we can go together, I'll have to be Janis: yeah Janis: where are we gonna go? Jimmy: somewhere it never stops 🌧 Jimmy: where's that? Janis: Guinea, apparently Jimmy: 🤓🌍 Janis: thanks, google Janis: though I'm suspect, the top three are all in Africa Janis: thought they were starving 'cos no rain Janis: can't believe bob geldolf lied to us Jimmy: @ his 👻 Janis: and that bono bastard too Janis: he might still be alive, less sure Jimmy: there can be only one 😎👻 so he better be Janis: 😂 Janis: you know those are medical, what's your excuse? Jimmy: #same Janis: you can see just fine, it's your 👂s, remember Jimmy: Oi, have you know I'm allergic to bollocks and slags Janis: sounds serious Jimmy: would be deadly but I'm well hard 🏆💪 Janis: I'm so glad, baby Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😏 cute Jimmy: you Janis: you more Jimmy: there's nowt more than you Janis: I'm gonna have to get used to how nice you're gonna be to me, aren't I Jimmy: I can be a twat to you all you like Jimmy: had loads of practice Janis: you've got range, I got it Janis: no need to show-off Jimmy: 👻🎭🖋💕 Jimmy: let's go to verona Janis: alright Jimmy: if it don't 🌧 enough I'll spit off our balcony, know how you feel about piss Janis: 💕 Janis: so respectful Jimmy: such a romantic, me Jimmy: you might be athlete but I'll jump through them hoops easy Janis: I'll train you Janis: All the 🥇👑🏆 for you, boy Jimmy: I'd settle for a kiss right now Janis: when you get here Janis: soz to your sister in advance Jimmy: she'll live Jimmy: like I said, Ian had his missus round Janis: well I am NOT alright with 🥈 Janis: get your cringe on Jimmy: that's why you're 🥇 Judith Janis: you know it Janis: pulling out of the race to be your new step mum has nothing to do with not being able to win, tah Jimmy: now I feel car sick, weird that Janis: Baby Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: please call me that again, I reckon it'll help Janis: if you say please again, I reckon I can Jimmy: please Janis: shit Janis: okay, you're my baby Jimmy: shit is right, I'm well 😳 but I just shivered, dunno what we're gonna do now Jimmy: might 💀💀💀 Janis: not without me Jimmy: do you wanna go first or at the same time? Janis: such a gentleman Janis: 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: literally got the wrong accent Janis: I'll work on my impression Janis: but you don't need to ask Jimmy: what do I need to do then? Janis: focus, so you don't crash Janis: then get us home so we can be alone and I can 💀💀💀 you properly Jimmy: alright Janis: good boy Jimmy: you're just Janis: I just Janis: miss you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I can stay 'til your da's girlfriend leaves at least, can't I Jimmy: you can stay as long as you want to Janis: never can Janis: that's why I have to 🏃 too Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and he can't Janis: alright Janis: just squat in your gaff then Jimmy: I mean it, if he ever does or says owt to you I'll 💀💀💀 him Janis: I'm not 🙀 Jimmy: there's no need to be Janis: I know, I believe you Jimmy: goes for owt else an' all 🚫🙀 Janis: contrary to what you 📢 Janis: not scared of much of anything, tah Jimmy: Thelma and Louise-ing it then, yeah? Janis: what was my fellas job again Jimmy: sells carpets Janis: oh yeah Janis: deffo kms asap then Jimmy: 😂 Janis: so Janis: are they gay or what Jimmy: they have at go at it at the end 😘 Janis: cute Janis: may as well reignite those rumours before my death Jimmy: you get stuck into loads of lads though Jimmy: when you've left Mr Carpet Janis: Oh good Janis: Mia can have 'em all on speed dial Jimmy: she would Jimmy: well her type Janis: she wants to thelma all over me Jimmy: she'll have to want Jimmy: not sharing with her Janis: fair Janis: not breaking the no other people thing for a 💀 Jimmy: too right, if we're getting anyone else involved they'll be fitter than that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: oh god Jimmy: deliberately left out the 👵 'cause I know you ain't #teamdoris Janis: cheers Janis: everyone knows it ain't gay if you do it for a lad though Jimmy: that 💌 ain't made it up north Jimmy: nowt isn't gay there Janis: bummer, no threesome then Janis: really are deprived Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: Ian reckons our Cass is gay 'cause she don't wear dresses and Bob is 'cause he would if you let him Jimmy: I reckon they're 12 and 6 Janis: 🙄 Janis: wait 'til he hears about femmes and masc4masc, gonna blow his tiny mind Janis: I'll bring it up over dinner or something Jimmy: #sozbabeyourfaveisproblematic 💔 Janis: way to shit on your own nature-nurture too, Ian Janis: 2/3 of your kids are gay?! 🤔 sounds like you fucked up somewhere Jimmy: he loves to shit on my nurture, that'll be it Janis: least he did you alright genetically Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: yeah tah Jimmy: and my mum actually did something 👏 Janis: 🥇🥇🥇 that woman Jimmy: if Ian's about she can have all the 👏🏆🥇 Jimmy: loves talking about her, like Mia does carbs Janis: gotcha Janis: only to impress your date with how totally amazing you're doing without, yeah Jimmy: if it gets Sandra going that's her business Janis: 🤢 Janis: and my name is bad but christ Janis: Sandra is awful and would sound even worse in your accent, I can hear it and 😬 Jimmy: 1. Juliet is a beautiful name 2. that might not be hers 3. I call 'em all mum any road so they piss off down a far off one quicker Janis: 🔥💡 babe Jimmy: does the job I need it to do Jimmy: and it's a label that's going spare round ours Janis: if the apron fits, ladies Jimmy: Ian's gotta tie you to the sink with something, like Jimmy: can't have you going out and about earning your own 💰 and forming your own 💡🗬 Janis: gonna need his kinks to stay 🔒 and in the bedroom only thanks Jimmy: #relatable Janis: I mean I know you'll be a while yet ut you had to turn me off that hard? Jimmy: if you want me to turn you back on, that's easy Janis: 🤖💕 Jimmy: [🔥 sext numero 2] Janis: oh Janis: was gonna contest easy but Jimmy: I love a good lass protesting too much Jimmy: crack on Janis: good 'cos that didn't make me make any unholy noise at all Janis: and I know exactly what to do with myself right now Jimmy: did it not? 🤞 this one might do a more 🥇 job Jimmy: [🔥 sext 3] Janis: Jimmy, I do not like you at all Janis: not a little or a whole load Jimmy: I'll have to change your mind somehow Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: I really can't take much more though Jimmy: where are you? Janis: some cafe Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: gutted for the CG Janis: it's more greasy spoon, can't even compete, I swear Jimmy: my dear, what kind of SLAG Janis: come on, don't tell Jimmy: you know you can't make me 🤐 only 📢 Janis: your sounds are Janis: I wanna hear them on repeat Jimmy: I'll make you a playlist Janis: please Jimmy: we can do track 1 in a bit Janis: be here be here be here Janis: it's gonna be fucking torture being in that car and not being on you too Jimmy: every roadtrip needs stops Janis: I need you Jimmy: I've got a plan not to do any for ages, then Cass'll be well keen to get out when we finally get there Jimmy: she'll piss off and it'll be me and you for a bit Janis: I can work with a bit Janis: I'll take it Janis: it feels like ages since I've seen you, proper ages Jimmy: I know it does Jimmy: haven't taken a breath since I saw you last so Janis: Baby Janis: I hurt too Janis: I'll make you feel better and you'll make me feel Janis: everything Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: it'll be better than I 🖋 it Janis: always is Janis: and you're really fucking good at writing it so Jimmy: you're really fucking good at everything Janis: I do my best Jimmy: it's the best Jimmy: not that I'm a massive slag obvs Janis: I promise I won't get jealous if you were Janis: much Jimmy: just throwing a few lasses under the bus Janis: I don't need to try no one else to know Janis: how you are and how you do it is exactly how I want it Jimmy: you're not allowed to say you're shit at words any more Janis: okay 🤐 on that Janis: as long as I can use my words to tell you how good you are Jimmy: if you can get 'em out Janis: Fuck Janis: I was planning on 'til I could show you but you are making that harder and harder Jimmy: how am I so sorry but also not sorry Janis: I'll still be this wet for you when you get here, if not more Janis: you don't need to be sorry Jimmy: I'll be sorry that if I drive any faster I'll get arrested then Janis: Slow Janis: be good Janis: I'm waiting, I'll be waiting, so patiently Jimmy: fuck Janis: I really missed you Jimmy: I can't be this far away from you Janis: I'll stay Jimmy: you have to Janis: keep giving me a reason to stay Jimmy: I'll give you whatever you want Janis: you Jimmy: as much as you want then Janis: all of you Janis: all the time Jimmy: take it Janis: tell me again Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: just take it Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's what I want too Janis: you want me to have you Janis: you wanna be mine Jimmy: you know I do Janis: you won't regret it Jimmy: I know I won't Janis: I'll look after you how you deserve Janis: make you feel as good as you are Jimmy: it's already been more Janis: I've only just started Jimmy: track 1, yeah Janis: track 1 Jimmy: this is really happening, isn't it? Janis: either that or I've died Janis: but I'm never getting rewarded like this so yeah Jimmy: you've not yet, baby Jimmy: but if I'm having a dream I will be fuming Janis: do you dream about me Jimmy: Yeah Janis: I dream about you too Jimmy: I have done since I first talked to you Jimmy: not this, that'd be weird Janis: Weird is fine Janis: you can't help what you dream Janis: or what it does to you Jimmy: you've been in my head for ages Jimmy: from when I got here Janis: I can't say I'm sorry Janis: you mean the school trip? Jimmy: I mean what I said Janis: You noticed me Jimmy: There were a before and you were fit and mysterious in it Janis: well Janis: that was clearly mutual but I don't win any prizes as you were the new boy too Jimmy: Lasses just don't look like you Jimmy: as beautiful as you are Jimmy: that being on the telly rumour should've been about you Janis: maybe you can make me speechless from there Jimmy: then we did that bollocks project and you were so Janis: it was Janis: you were an arsehole but in a way I've never known a boy to be, not standard, boring Janis: its like, everyone else could be following a fucking script, all the same scenes with all the same characters Janis: but I couldn't predict you, you changed shit Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: nobody'd spoken to me like that Jimmy: I thought it was like being back up north but it wasn't Janis: I wanted to keep talking to you Jimmy: I forgot where I were for a bit Jimmy: those two Jimmy: all of it Janis: Yeah Janis: forgot who I was Janis: my role, anyway Jimmy: the one they put me in an' all Janis: maybe we're not that now Janis: don't have to be Jimmy: I don't want it, I'm not new for them, I'm new for you 'cause you did something Janis: Fuck them Janis: fuck all of 'em but us Jimmy: there's nobody but you Janis: I don't know how that's true but I know I believe you Jimmy: 👻 they can't see me and I only see you Janis: we can keep it that way Jimmy: it is, I didn't see what Becca were like 'cause she's barely there Janis: you're too good for everyone, I think Jimmy: did you ever see that kid's show where the kid had a watch or some bollocks and he stopped time from going? Janis: yeah, know the one you mean Jimmy: it's like everyone's stopped and you're the only one that's moving Jimmy: and I can move with you, but when you're not about, I'm stopped an' all Janis: stay with me Janis: I like it when it's just you and me Janis: other people can stay stopped forever for all I care Jimmy: and we'll piss about moving 'em into weird positions if we want but most of the time we'll just leave 'em to it Janis: yeah, obviously it's our fun first but it's for their own good too Janis: they'll just be making a mess of their lives otherwise and we haven't got time to care or worry Jimmy: too right Janis: at least we could fuck on Mia's bed again that way Jimmy: she's our BFF now we could drop in there in a bit Janis: only if we're pretending we've been on a romantic getaway post-festival Jimmy: easily done Janis: we can tell her all about it in detail Jimmy: she can act it out method with her dad when we've gone Janis: 😂 oh no Janis: if I never have to see her again, it'll be too soon Janis: her da, as well, soz creep Jimmy: and his girlfriends profiles Jimmy: burned into my 👀 Janis: they were fine ambitious young ladies keen to get ahead Jimmy: told you the 😎 were medical, that's all I'm saying Janis: omg babe you're so smart Janis: blackmail AND a lawsuit Jimmy: BABY Jimmy: where have you been all my life? Janis: pissing about with time travel waiting for someone to play with Janis: obvs Jimmy: well chuffed to meet you after my death Janis: your ghost sex skills are next level so not even mad Jimmy: don't have to touch you, but I properly wish I could Janis: you friggin' better Jimmy: stop pissing about and freeze these other cars, would you? Janis: clearly a range limit on this bullshit magic watch Jimmy: meant to get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: did you nick it or what? You can tell me Janis: from that nerdy kid Janis: what was he using it for anyway? Janis: bullshit is what Jimmy: 😂 Janis: your laugh Janis: 10/10 Jimmy: [sends her a voice memo of him loling cos I like to imagine he told Cass to shout slags out the car window or something and she really loudly did] Janis: 😍 Janis: can be secret bonus track Jimmy: alright Jimmy: what's the album art? Janis: 🤔 Janis: how are you in front of the 📸 Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: we'll have to work that out Janis: you'll have to teach me to be behind it too Jimmy: you gonna listen to me? Janis: tempted Jimmy: I won't be fuming if it turns out you've got a bit of an artistic temperament Janis: I know what you like Janis: so I know how to get you in the position I really want Jimmy: there's not loads I can teach you by the sounds of it Janis: you have Janis: you just didn't know you were at the time Jimmy: do you mean that? Janis: yeah Jimmy: but Janis: ? Jimmy: how have I? Jimmy: you know everything Janis: I never Janis: well, I'd actually never had sex with anyone before Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: that dickhead from the party Janis: I didn't sleep with him Janis: never have Jimmy: you said Jimmy: didn't you say that you were? Janis: It's embarrassing but, fuck it Janis: we'd make out whenever we met up, and I'd get him off and he'd feel me up but that was as far as it went Janis: that night, at that party Janis: I tried to feel something, if I did, then I would've fucked him Janis: but I didn't so Jimmy: so you're just Jimmy: that 🥇 Jimmy: alright then Janis: you make me feel things Janis: you can just through kissing Janis: hell, just through a look Janis: he couldn't, no one I ever kissed did Jimmy: yeah I remember when it were only that Jimmy: no lass is that good at faking Janis: shut up, nothing fake about your reaction either Jimmy: never said it were Janis: be nice then Janis: I'm 💀💀💀 Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 Janis: it's rude how good you are Janis: how was I meant to not feel anything Jimmy: I'm not sorry Janis: me either now Jimmy: all them sounds you like, I weren't making them before Jimmy: not how I do now Janis: they can be just for me Jimmy: they are Jimmy: I used to be 🔉 Janis: if I was nice, I'd say I was sorry for your exes for missing out Janis: but I'm really not Jimmy: she'd say I was crap and she's well rid probably Jimmy: there's reasons she fucked half the north and some of 'em are to do with me Janis: then she's more mad than me Jimmy: when I said headcases might be my type, weren't lying Janis: try not to be offended, like Jimmy: just don't 💀💀💀 yet, alright? Janis: not gonna top myself Janis: the madness ain't that real Jimmy: Shakespeare not Austen, I get it Janis: shh Jimmy: and no dickhead's at the Bronte level Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: Maybe I was lying about my type Jimmy: nah Jimmy: your type is me Jimmy: you just admitted it Janis: not regretting that at all Jimmy: are you? Janis: no, idiot Jimmy: telling me, I mean Jimmy: 'cause I get why you didn't before Janis: I mean, obviously there was loads of shit I couldn't tell you before Janis: because we weren't saying anything Janis: but that was because I didn't want it to be different, 'cos you were freaked out Janis: I don't care if you know now, I wanted you to Jimmy: I weren't gonna throw 🌹 petals at you, girl Jimmy: it were good, I know it was Janis: you might not have done it though, thinking I wanted that Jimmy: not that thick, it was well obvious what you wanted Janis: great Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: 'course Jimmy: nowt else matters, we both wanted to Janis: and it was good Jimmy: so I don't care Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: except being chuffed that you didn't fuck that twat 'cause that's what he is Janis: hadn't escaped my notice Jimmy: got my own party twats up my sleeve, can't really say owt Janis: you can say what you like Janis: not buzzing about it myself but was what it was Jimmy: I'll hit him harder next time if you like Jimmy: make him feel something Janis: You can't hit everyone who doesn't turn me on Janis: as we've covered, it's just you Janis: you've got enough to be getting on with Jimmy: get your magic watch out and we've got loads of time Janis: still rather you put your hands to better use Janis: my magic, my rules Jimmy: UGH fine 🙄😏 Janis: I know Janis: another job Jimmy: might feel 🎻🎻 for him anyway Jimmy: he don't turn Mia on either Jimmy: that's her daddy Janis: he won't mind standing in Janis: must be his kink Jimmy: keep his 🔒 tah very much Janis: 🤐 Janis: 🤞 Mia doesn't make him do a boyfriend Q&A any time soon Jimmy: she'd have to do him a script first Jimmy: oh and he'd actually have to be her boyfriend Janis: no dating 'til daddy says so, probs Janis: don't give her 👻🖋 deets Jimmy: when we go over hers we should nick her phone Jimmy: the 🗨 must be Janis: actually dread to think Janis: starts off as a joke, fully ends up being forwarded to the police Jimmy: I am the 👮🚔 mate Janis: right Janis: but bit pot kettle ain't it Jimmy: ain't my fault you Lolita-ed me Janis: well I've seen that one Janis: both versions Janis: and you were never my stepdad, tah Jimmy: 'course you have Janis: rude Janis: my sister was obssessed with it, not me Jimmy: Grace? Janis: ew, not that one Janis: if it's not got a 2 star or lower rating, she ain't watching Jimmy: I were gonna say Janis: bet she has the sunglasses though Jimmy: who don't? Jimmy: 💕 mine Janis: 😂 Janis: 🖤 though, right Jimmy: duh Jimmy: my lungs an' all Janis: got to match your accessories to your disease Jimmy: ✔ Janis: we done here then? Jimmy: what? Janis: you need to work on your 👋s Janis: so blunt Jimmy: Why are you trying to stop my 🖤? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: awh, baby Jimmy: not an answer Janis: I didn't mean to Janis: swear on your 👂s Jimmy: what's left of 'em Janis: so dramatic Jimmy: I can't say owt I'm all in black Jimmy: if I were a lass my eyeliner'd be so thick Janis: rookie error Janis: if you want sympathy you gotta wear 'none' so you look like 💀 and they know how serious the situation is Jimmy: trying to get you to come back not leg it further away Jimmy: there's been enough of 💀 lasses to last ages Janis: well you can count it as a win, like Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: how far are you now Jimmy: [a location] Janis: Hmpf Janis: I'm gonna walk a bit then, see how far I can get Jimmy: another downside to the black I'm covered in 🐕 hair Jimmy: just reminded us Janis: hot Janis: you tryna put me off again? Jimmy: you don't miss her then? 🐕💔 gutted Janis: shh Janis: don't tell her Jimmy: if I don't, what are you gonna do for me? Janis: I can tell you how you're the only person or creature I've missed? Jimmy: go on Janis: I've only thought about you since I've been gone Janis: where you were, what you were doing, if you were thinking about me at all Jimmy: I've been doing nowt but thinking about you Janis: I'm sorry Janis: but also not not glad, you know Jimmy: it's alright, you're all I wanna think about Janis: but I know it weren't good things Jimmy: it were though Jimmy: I told you, I do my own head in, it ain't you Jimmy: and I know I fucked up Janis: I didn't have to be so Janis: well, I did Janis: I wanted to be worse but Jimmy: I've been a massive dickhead an' all Jimmy: I get it Janis: I just wish I'd smacked her instead of all this Jimmy: I thought your sister were gonna when she 👀 us Janis: still might Janis: get one of the others to serve her for a while I reckon Jimmy: could win her over with my latte 🎨? Janis: what are you gonna do Janis: 'soz 💗' Jimmy: take a chapter out of our kid's book Janis: 😏 Jimmy: don't listen to a word of it Jimmy: got loads of lasses in my phone, me Janis: 👌 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what? Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: taking the piss Janis: I ain't Janis: how thrilled you want me to be that you're such a lad, not your dad Jimmy: it's your type, Jasmine Janis: oh yeah Janis: so you've told me Jimmy: there's that enthusiasm Janis: you want fake 😍 I can do it all day Jimmy: not @ me, you can't, first off Jimmy: second, you know what I want Janis: Yeah Janis: but I can't lie Janis: if I had a type, it weren't you Janis: you're beyond that bullshit Janis: league of your own, like, it's ridiculous Jimmy: I said it first, no lasses I've ever seen are as beautiful as you Jimmy: on screen or off Jimmy: dunno how my 📷 didn't break Janis: you're so Jimmy: it's not just that though Jimmy: we've always had a right laugh even doing that bollocks project Jimmy: and on that school trip where I didn't wanna fucking be Janis: no one treats me like that Janis: like a person Jimmy: if they can't handle it, that's their 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: 'cause you're a top person Janis: yeah, you're pretty sound too Jimmy: @cassthelass Jimmy: not what she's saying Janis: have to win her back 'round Janis: take full babysitting responsibilities and let her fuck off for a while Jimmy: she wants me to smack this teacher for her when we go back Jimmy: might do, he sounds like a right bellend Janis: could assume as much from being a teacher Janis: what'd he do though Jimmy: they had this homework and she didn't know they'd have to read it out when she wrote it so when he tried to make her she kicked off Jimmy: he reckoned the right thing to do would be to take her book off her and read it out to everyone anyway Jimmy: they all took the piss, obvs Jimmy: including him, she says Janis: definitely a smackable offense then Janis: fuck that Jimmy: you'll alibi me, yeah? Janis: duh Janis: what are girlfriends for but lying and making excuses for you Jimmy: lying and making excuses to you? but that might just be my ex Janis: can if you like Janis: reckon anyone but you will believe I've just popped to the shop? Jimmy: Depends who you mean Jimmy: we can make the #fans believe owt Janis: get on it then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [on the socials like there's nothing to see here peeps just flirting like old times] Janis: they'll never know Jimmy: 🥇 me Jimmy: lying, excuses, owt you want Janis: I know Janis: not gonna go out with someone 🥉 Jimmy: you wouldn't have left with him if he had come to the festival Janis: is that a question or Jimmy: does it need a ? Janis: nah Jimmy: Nah you wouldn't or nah you don't want it to be a question? Janis: nah it don't need to be a question Janis: 'cos you're not him, you're you Jimmy: yeah but you were fuming at me Jimmy: and you reckoned me and Becca were Janis: that's not the story we're telling though Janis: obviously Jimmy: Alright Janis: even if you and her were Janis: not like I was allowed to be angry a you anyway Jimmy: didn't stop me when I thought you and him were Janis: didn't stop me either Janis: but if you wanted to, couldn't stop you or say shit Janis: we were just mates so Jimmy: yeah but I'd do owt for you Janis: That wouldn't have been a dead giveaway Janis: oh yeah, can you just not fuck her, or her, or her Janis: anyway, I thought you might like her Jimmy: you just didn't wanna say it first Jimmy: bit rude, girl Janis: 1. not true, boy 2. what was my 'strop' that you were really receptive to if not saying it, dickhead Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: I'll give you a 🏆💕 Janis: I don't want it Janis: I'm trying to explain Jimmy: You will want it, baby Jimmy: but go on Janis: You're so rude Jimmy: I'm listening well intently Jimmy: talk to me Janis: Well now I'm distracted by all the things I could be saying now I have your attention Jimmy: well now I wanna hear 'em all Janis: we can just forget about all that mess and everyone else, can't we Jimmy: nowt I want more Jimmy: except you Janis: Good Janis: we're on the same 📖 now Jimmy: we have been for ages we just never said Janis: yeah Janis: s'weird Janis: but good weird Jimmy: as first boyfriend's go Jimmy: I'll make sure it goes alright Janis: 😏 Janis: no pressure or anything Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 Janis: you can be shit Janis: aside from being my type Janis: makes for a better storytime, yeah Jimmy: I don't wanna though Jimmy: I'm shit at the rest of what I've got going on Janis: shut up Janis: you ARE barista boy Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: and nowt really to do with me Jimmy: I could muck up every single order and still get tips Jimmy: that fit and mysterious, like Janis: well, I like the smoothies Jimmy: they're not on the menu, just make 'em for you Janis: that's 💕 Jimmy: the ones that are have loads of bollocks you wouldn't like in Jimmy: not gonna do that to you, my dear Janis: stop being so cute Jimmy: lasses first Janis: well serious Janis: if I'm gonna keep living my life you'll have to tone it down or I'm getting fuck all done Jimmy: oi, what else have you got on other than being my muse? Janis: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you can do that lounging about, don't have to get dressed or nowt Jimmy: be like that other famous Leo film Janis: either way, I'm 💀 you when I'm over it Jimmy: we wouldn't both be fitting on that door Jimmy: too tall, you Janis: yeah but you're tiny Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: don't be spreading that about Janis: 🤐🤐 Janis: buy my silence Jimmy: with what? Janis: get rid of my horrible rich fiance for me Jimmy: easy Janis: and my cunty ma Jimmy: even easier Jimmy: like I said, mums never stay about when I am Janis: blessing in this case Jimmy: and all cases up til now Janis: 👍 Janis: k, you can fuck me in the fancy car then, Leo Jimmy: hang on, I'll just trade in this shitty volvo Janis: ⏲ Jimmy: How far have you walked then? Janis: [new location] Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: you haven't Janis: did a bit of running too Jimmy: What the fuck do you get up to when I ain't distracting you? Jimmy: that's Janis: eh, lot of thinking about you, like I said Janis: and I told you I wanted to see you now Jimmy: you're so Janis: desperate? Janis: give you that one Jimmy: impressive Janis: (                  .                                              _                                              .                                            ) Janis: my head Jimmy: should've gone with inspiring Jimmy: for the 🎨 Janis: hidden talents, I know Janis: ( . u . ) Janis: more accurate Jimmy: Gonna get Cass to tattoo that on me, hang on Jimmy: bound to be a needle in this car somewhere Janis: can't wait 'til that gets all infected Janis: look so 😎🚬 babe Jimmy: you just wanna nurse me again Janis: maybe Jimmy: maybe it's your turn to be nursed though Janis: just don't drop me Jimmy: I won't Janis: okay Janis: let's look after each other Jimmy: okay Janis: if you get ay shit tattoos though Janis: you will have to cover then before you see me Jimmy: I'll leave the marks to you Janis: you might regret promising that Jimmy: doubt it Janis: there's not enough space to show you how much I need you Jimmy: you'll work something out Janis: what if I don't? Janis: I really need you to know, like Jimmy: if you can't show me any more, you'll just have to tell me Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: not shit with words, remember Janis: until I see you then I just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: whatever you wanna do is Janis: I wanna just Janis: be, you know Janis: for long as we can Jimmy: we don't have to go straight back, you know Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: if you don't wanna Jimmy: Ian'll have his hands full with the kid Jimmy: can't shop me if he can't get any time to himself for it Janis: what about your sister and shit Janis: I ain't been staying in no hotel, like Jimmy: she won't mind us taking the long way round Jimmy: getting lost for a bit is what I do Janis: alright Janis: if you're sure Janis: fuck all I'm going back to Jimmy: there we go then Jimmy: don't worry about Cass, that's my job Janis: 👍 Jimmy: she said you're alright, for a lass Jimmy: I reckon that means you can close both eyes Janis: 🙏 Janis: first time in a while, cheers Jimmy: you are alright though? Janis: 'course I am Janis: and you are Jimmy: you know what kind of question it were Jimmy: and why I'm asking it Janis: I've done this before Janis: know what I'm doing Jimmy: I've stolen this car before, don't mean it's nowt Janis: Honest Jimmy: promise then Janis: I promise Janis: being away ain't what fucks you, it's the whys, and that's sorted now Jimmy: I just Jimmy: there'd be no point to nowt if you weren't here Janis: I am Janis: I will be Jimmy: and if owt happened to you 'cause of me Jimmy: with that being how we left it Janis: nothing did, it's okay Janis: and we ain't leaving it there, fuck that Jimmy: I'm so sorry Janis: Shh, you don't need to apologize now, it's all sorted Janis: we're good Jimmy: right Jimmy: I'm just being Janis: you don't need to explain Janis: it's a lot Janis: from nothing to this Jimmy: Hang on Jimmy: [the longest pause while he gets his shit together] Janis: no rush Janis: not pissing it down today 💔 Jimmy: Alright fine, I'll spit at you when I see you Jimmy: stop begging Janis: 🤤 Janis: you Janis: 😥 me Jimmy: Baby Janis: not a 😍 face with water on soz Janis: well into it, obvs Jimmy: Duh, who wouldn't be? Janis: idk, virgins probs 🙄 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Dans gonna be gutted Jimmy: when he broke up with that girl, we all were Janis: I meant 'cos bucktooth practically promised him the job of deflowering me but way to rock my world there Janis: dropping like flies Jimmy: What was her name? Cheryl? 💔 about that an' all tbh Jimmy: nowt's in a name but Janis: her ma had taste Janis: runs in the family Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: I can't fight him Janis: 'cos he's well 💪? Jimmy: obvs the sexual tension would well get in the way Janis: fine, I'll punch the puppy in the face Janis: good 👮 bad 👮 Jimmy: you're decent to have about, give you that Janis: high praise indeed Jimmy: I'm not far now Jimmy: you'll 👂🎶 soon Janis: wait 'til Cass has gone though Janis: I'm alright for a girl and you ain't bringing me down Jimmy: she's got a point Jimmy: as lasses go, you're not bad Janis: 🥇 or nothing Jimmy: you'll do til I get 👴💕 Janis: Appreciate it 😏 Jimmy: you will if you don't already Janis: trust me, I plan to do a lot of appreciating Janis: not just missed your charming personality, like Jimmy: I heard some dickhead can make you feel things with a look, gonna give that a go once I ain't having to watch for 🚔 Janis: are your eyes like his Jimmy: Dunno, what are his like? Janis: fuck Janis: you've got to see them some time Janis: really dark but really warm Janis: like you'll never know what he's thinking but you also know exactly what he's thinking Janis: like that Jimmy: they sound alright but I don't reckon it'll be worth breaking eye contact with you to have a look Jimmy: and there's loads of you left to look at after that if I did so Janis: It's alright, I don't wanna share him really Jimmy: I'm not bothered, he don't sound like enough of a lad for me Janis: well you'll be even more disappointed if you reckon I am Jimmy: just saying, sounds like he'd write poetry or some bollocks and always be kissing and touching you all the time Jimmy: really slowly Jimmy: like he drives Janis: don't you wanna kiss and touch me all over Janis: or just look? Jimmy: Depends what it feels like when I look Janis: he's a lot to beat Janis: you'll know when you do though Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: I hope you do Janis: I need to be touched Jimmy: [🔥 sext 4? I think lol about all the touching he's gonna do] Janis: Jesus Janis: I love how you do everything so slowly but you are killing me Janis: you know that Jimmy: I feel like I could 💀💀💀 right now Jimmy: just thinking about you Janis: just imagine how good feeling me is gonna be Jimmy: fuck Janis: my favourite place is in your lap Jimmy: if you were here now you'd really like it Janis: exactly Janis: when I can feel how hard you are Jimmy: if it's not now I don't wanna say it Janis: knowing that it's all for me Jimmy: I want you to know everything Jimmy: feel everything Janis: I want to feel you Jimmy: I need to feel you too Janis: I told you, I'm just getting more and more ready for you here Janis: there's no hiding it Jimmy: have a word with that god mate of yours Jimmy: I can't be this close and not be this close to the street you're on Janis: It's so unfair Janis: but we've got time now, yeah, so if we cum on sight, I'm not mad Jimmy: I'll be a bit Janis: well, you know Janis: try to wait 'til we're alone and you're inside me at least Jimmy: it is something a first boyfriend would do, if I can't Janis: it's been too long Jimmy: ages Janis: not allowed to leave it this long again alright Jimmy: suits me Janis: promise Jimmy: I do Janis: you're gonna fuck me, every day? Jimmy: at least Janis: Good Janis: you know what I want Jimmy: might as well do all night an' all, never get any sleep any road, do we? Janis: yeah Janis: but maybe we can wear each other out Jimmy: you up for that challenge? Janis: yes Jimmy: famed for my stamina, me Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: I know Janis: but don't I always look after you? Jimmy: Yeah Janis: then that's what I'll do, I'll fuck you so long and so good you'll have to have the best night's sleep, ever Jimmy: that's actually proper romantic Janis: 😏 Janis: I mean it though Jimmy: I know Janis: remember how sleepy you were Janis: after the ice bath Jimmy: it were like being a kid Janis: in what way Jimmy: you know when you wanna stay up but you just can't Janis: yeah Janis: you have to fight to keep your eyes open but you feel all fuzzy anyway, like you're half in sleep Jimmy: right Janis: I get it Jimmy: Did I say tah for that? Janis: I'm sure you did Janis: not doing it or bringing it back up for that though, don't worry, like Jimmy: I still can't believe you did that for me Jimmy: any of it Janis: why wouldn't I Jimmy: people don't Jimmy: when it's your own fault Janis: that doesn't matter to me Janis: you're not that much of a dickhead Janis: you don't need to be hurting like that Jimmy: I am though, and you can't go about being a massive dickhead and expect nowt to come back Janis: nah, no one is that bad Jimmy: 🤞 next time I won't be so pissed Jimmy: can look after myself better Janis: what's the story then Janis: who'd you piss off Jimmy: surrounded by knobheads, not news, is it? Janis: nah, guess not Jimmy: nowt to worry about once I stop sleeping in fields Janis: not up for the next one then? Janis: gutted Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: 1. how much of a lad Asia's bringing 2.🌧 3. if I get to have a makeover this time Janis: 😏 Janis: you can get tarted up with the best waterproof makeup money can buy to steal Asia's man Janis: before he runs, anyway Janis: how's that? Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: Wonder about you, boy, really do Jimmy: I heard how often you think about me, yeah Janis: piss off 😂 Jimmy: hang on, I'll just turn this car around Jimmy: see you Jimmy: been good but goodbye Janis: don't Janis: just be nice Jimmy: I can't even fake that I'm about to Janis: no faking either Jimmy: few more streets then it'll get well real Janis: 🙏🙏🙏 Jimmy: Oi Janis: ? Jimmy: I didn't get lost Jimmy: say something Janis: OMG Janis: babe Janis: actually though Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: would @iantaylor8 to finally be proud of me an' all but don't want him knowing where I am Jimmy: the speech is all on you, Jules Jimmy: hope you iced a cake Janis: no pressure Janis: maybe circle those last few streets a couple of times, yeah Jimmy: I've had Cass' heartfelt 🙄 Jimmy: it's loads to try and top Janis: damn Janis: I'll have to think of something really 💕 Jimmy: soz babe Janis: if you're happy I'm happy, babe Janis: and not scared of a challenge ever Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: does sound like you though Janis: if you're 😒 I'm 😒 Janis: better? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: but it makes me wanna kiss you Janis: that's not a bad thing Jimmy: you've kissed loads of lads before haven't you? Janis: not really Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: so that's something else you're just well good at then Janis: I don't know Janis: I only like it when it's you so maybe you're just that good Jimmy: it weren't a question, dickhead Jimmy: I know the answer Jimmy: you're 🥇 Jimmy: It ain't me 'cause it would've been that good with everyone else Janis: not for me Janis: it weren't like bad Janis: just like, actual faking Jimmy: that I've kissed, I mean 'cause it weren't this good for me with them either Janis: oh Janis: I think you're good, even if I don't have as many to compare you to Jimmy: not that I have loads Janis: how long were you with your girlfriend Jimmy: ages Janis: makes sense then Jimmy: what does? Janis: why your body count ain't higher Jimmy: I'm not actually 45 Jimmy: or a SLAG Jimmy: that's also why Janis: well yeah Janis: but you're also fit Jimmy: what my DMs tell me day in and out Janis: Baby Janis: can always go psycho on 'em for you Jimmy: it's just bollocks Janis: you are though Janis: but I know what you mean Jimmy: it's why I picked you Jimmy: 'cause you do know what I mean Janis: and 'cos I'm well fit Jimmy: obviously Janis: I'm glad you did Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: not that I reckoned you'd go for it Janis: you must've thought I was mental Jimmy: like I'd have a leg to stand on with that Jimmy: it were my idea Janis: true Jimmy: and we've covered that mental's my type so I would've been too 😍😍 to think of nowt Janis: Charming as ever, dickhead Janis: what did you think, actually Jimmy: How far back? Janis: Well, now I wanna know first impressions too Janis: but when I agreed to the plan Jimmy: when we get home I'll show you my first impression, if you want Janis: intriguing Jimmy: when you agreed to the plan I was chuffed there were a plan and that it were you Jimmy: 'cause we'd done the project, like I said, and it didn't make me wanna top myself Jimmy: I reckoned it'd probably go alright, for a bit Janis: it kinda worked Janis: as much as it ever were Jimmy: yeah but I didn't expect you to be so Jimmy: for us together to be like Janis: can't say I predicted that either Janis: very inconvenient, actually Jimmy: I had a crack at it, I reckoned I'd thought about every way that kissing you that first time could possibly go but then Janis: I thought I didn't even need to Janis: be the same as every other kiss, non-event Janis: but nope Jimmy: I was such a dick to you about it Jimmy: you were meant to tell me it weren't worth the hassle and you couldn't even fake it Jimmy: bit rude of you not to Janis: I couldn't then Janis: not that I can now Janis: I mean, the plan was, to get what I needed from the plan, then do one, regardless if you got what you needed Janis: but you fucked that all up so yeah, very rude Jimmy: I were geared up for it to either be crap or just alright, even for you to freeze up on me, not for it to feel like Jimmy: that were my plan out the bloody window and then you didn't even have the decency to let me out of it Jimmy: very rude is right Janis: I didn't like you that much from one kiss, soz Janis: I wanted to do a lot more of it, but not 'cos you were so lovely Jimmy: as I said, we've been on the same page for ages Janis: in that fucking bunkbed Janis: Jesus, I wanted you bad Jimmy: if they hadn't been there Jimmy: I would've just Janis: you can show me that too, yeah Jimmy: I had no idea it were possible to want someone that bad Janis: guess usually you don't have to stop at what we had to Janis: whilst pretending you're doing what you wanna Jimmy: I dunno, I've had to stop before Jimmy: it weren't the same Janis: okay Janis: I can believe it Janis: felt like I was dying Janis: in a really good way Jimmy: I can believe that Jimmy: it's how I feel now in this fucking car Janis: I'll be in there too soon Jimmy: there were so many bits of it where I near said or did Jimmy: something Janis: Me too Janis: thought when we finally admitted we wanted to fuck, that would fix everything Jimmy: I had my 🤞 an' all Jimmy: we might be great romantics, girl, but I don't reckon we can call ourselves geniuses Janis: 💔 that Jimmy: them bad ideas were still some of my best ones Jimmy: 💔 we can't tell anyone about this Jimmy: it'd be a 🥇💰💰💰 film Janis: probably say it's too far-fetched Janis: outdid ourselves again 💪 Jimmy: it'd have to be american, they always take things too far Jimmy: and fuck that Jimmy: what kind of accent Janis: you'd be on the football team instead of me Janis: such bullshit Jimmy: I wanna wave the pom poms Jimmy: so rude Janis: I'll get you the costume, baby Jimmy: I'll never take it off Jimmy: not just 'cause I'm a dutiful missus but we can fake it's only that and not for Ian's heart attack, piece of piss, like Janis: get that story straight for the inquest Jimmy: but don't delete your socials yet, can only handle so many 💔 at a time Janis: Duh, what's the point in murder if you can't post not so cryptic statuses about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you better 🤣 that shit Jimmy: play track 1 Jimmy: hang on, nah that was the hidden bonus track, weren't it? Janis: mhmm Janis: fake fan Janis: 🥇 president of the fanclub, me Jimmy: real fan who can't think proper Janis: I'll let you off Janis: as you're letting me sit in on the live recording of #1 Jimmy: and every track after Janis: 😍 Janis: promise Jimmy: get ready to recreate them 😍 IRL Jimmy: I reckon we're here Janis: [just 👀 into cars like hello? 'til she spots them] Jimmy: [making Cass get out cos he can't even cos just dying like 😍😍] Janis: [seriously, this gon' be SO tense but luckily in a 😍 way not a way like before, poor Cass though lmao] Jimmy: [go stretch your legs and get some car snacks gal you don't need to see any of this] Janis: [like we're not exchanging pleasantries here there's no time] Jimmy: [not soz because I can only imagine how long this convo would've been going if it was real time like she was FAR] Janis: [exactly, and we are highkey and in love so] Jimmy: [literally that] Janis: [like hope this street isn't full of people lol] Jimmy: [yeah I hope you at least parked it somewhere with as much privacy as possible because we're not stopping] Jimmy: [I just imagine a lil Irish village and like some Miss Marple type bitches just living their lives and I'm cackling tbh] Janis: [they will be thriving enjoy the show] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [we're probably gonna need to skip aren't we] Jimmy: [mhmm we know the only thing that's happening rn] Janis: [as much as we love it] Jimmy: [have some coupley af time in this tiny village full of 👵 before you gotta drive again] Janis: [get an ice cream, v famous five] Jimmy: [ginger beer] Janis: [lmao, fat mood] Jimmy: [get some tea too you love it] Janis: [must be done, lowkey have you eaten much this past however long, get on it] Jimmy: [we know you haven't, we know what you're like] Janis: [the #dramatics are so real] Jimmy: [they are which is why he would've brought her clothes cos all she had was from the festival like are they wet or muddy we don't know, probably] Janis: [and just slightly inappropriate to be walking around in lol] Jimmy: [he's got your back babe] Janis: [as if you weren't already so overwhelmed we gotta hold back the emotions here] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [like you've been this extra and you're still holding back things I can't never change] Jimmy: [can't blame y'all 🔓 the backstories is an event and it's why you're like this] Janis: [we've only just begun to live] Jimmy: [I love it] Jimmy: [they need some kind of memento from this roadtrip even if they steal it but idk what it should be] Janis: [hmm I'm pondering] Jimmy: [me too] Janis: [maybe something music-related? steal a record or two] Jimmy: [that's a good idea boo] Janis: [for that ref but also shoving a record up your top would be blatant and they'd probably get chased so that too would be a moment they'd love lol] Jimmy: [I love that and how coupley of you to start a record collection together honestly] Janis: [ugh, nerds, be more #couplegoals] Jimmy: [seriously fuck you cs gal we know it's your dream but you're not having it you hipster hoe] Janis: [not with this boy sweaty] Jimmy: [not with any boy if that's how you conduct yourself] Janis: [sort yourself out my love, we aren't letting you near Pete] Jimmy: [you ain't gonna be the one he marries and has those kids with thank you] Janis: [can you imagine, like Pete no, we're never seeing you again missy] Jimmy: [I bloody love Pete] Janis: [don't we all but not really yet] Jimmy: [soon you will have mates and life will be everything, hang in there kids] Janis: [emosh for you both honestly] Jimmy: [hard same] Jimmy: [let's also take a moment for Cass living her best life just because she's not babysitting/around Ian's bs the bar is so low and you'll be living your best life with your lil bf soon too babe] Janis: [literally, we just want not shit all the time tah] Jimmy: [I was thinking that her and Janis should have a #bonding moment because something happens that she needs a girl for like she gets her period being the obvious cliche but whatever and it's like help] Janis: [a mood though, deffo] Janis: [and she is chill in a #crisis so you won't wanna die babe] Jimmy: [she's not Grace thank god] Janis: [imagine, Cass would murder you forrealz] Jimmy: [hence she's gonna be more team Janis after because the text was her being team Jimmy and wanting her to come back round for his sake like no offense she didn't give a fuck who you were but then it's like oh she's alright as a person not just his gf] Janis: [we building these relationships] Jimmy: [we sneaky like that] Janis: [we moving in lowkey already] Jimmy: [it's my fave thing because he's never like MOVE IN it happens so organically okay bye] Janis: [they just those bitches, so in love so easy] Jimmy: [literally like they're not gonna be like let's get married and have babies it'll just happen] Janis: [ugh bye, is there anything else we wanna specify before they go home] Jimmy: [we know the vibe, they in a happy bubble everything is bliss even boring af villages lol] Janis: [I'm good with that, potentially can leave this here then] Jimmy: [unless we wanna do any chatting on the way back yeah] Janis: [maybe just to be cute with it 'cos can't be saying loads of shit out loud making Cass 🤢] Jimmy: [can always type if you wanna be extra] Janis: [just grooving to tunes outwardly though, having some kind of fast-food car dinner] Jimmy: [living your best lives] Janis: hey Jimmy: afternoon Janis: alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: 😊 Jimmy: that is a decent representation of how you look, yeah Jimmy: [looks over at her to make the point like oh hey] Janis: [pulls ugly face that never is] Jimmy: [lols which we know is adorable] Janis: 😳 Janis: uncalled for Jimmy: it were you that did it Janis: yeah but Janis: now I miss you Jimmy: [gonna assume that she's in the front with him so gonna say that he reaches over and writes I miss you too on her but eyes on the road ty] Janis: [kisses where he wrote it] Janis: real shame your sister can't have a go driving, like Jimmy: she can when it's a bit quieter Jimmy: I had a go when I were her age Janis: umm Jimmy: what? Janis: you made promises for when we get back, so not tryna die out here Janis: not that you aren't a great teacher, obvs Jimmy: you said you weren't 🙀 of owt Janis: 😏 call it skeptical, but fine Janis: you wanna be all hot and capable Jimmy: I don't wanna be whatever the opposite is, tah Jimmy: sounds like Mr Lucas Jimmy: or my dad Janis: bit rude to put the loml in the same category as Ian Jimmy: is it? Janis: yes Janis: let me live a lie in peace Jimmy: [does IRL sarky 👌] Janis: #hater 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, I'm a lover if I'm owt Jimmy: clue's in the name, Jules Janis: I know Janis: 💘 Jimmy: 🌹 Janis: soz, ditched the flower crown on the way outta the ⛺ Jimmy: 💔😭 Janis: @godzilla Janis: think it was hers Jimmy: [pretends he's going to] Janis: we don't have to talk to them anymore, remember Jimmy: [exaggerated phew sigh and wipe of his forehead like a nerd as he pretends to delete everything he's pretending he wrote] Janis: [just shaking her head but in a loving way] Jimmy: [cue Cass shaking her head at both of y'all from the back] Janis: whoops Jimmy: [throws some kind of snacks at Cass like shut up] Janis: [when you and your siblings haven't had a relationship for years haha it's fine] Jimmy: [the cali fam breaks my heart bye] Janis: [texting someone rn, that is Grace, to say she's coming back, 'cos yep, feelings whomst] Jimmy: [we can do it if you want/ a convo between them] Janis: [my thoughts exactly] Jimmy: [just 😍 while she's on her phone and can't see] Janis: [looking up like sorted] Jimmy: [holding her hand cos you just wanna] Janis: [squeezing it] Jimmy: [the most genuine smile ever] Janis: [right backatcha, boy] Janis: you're beautiful Jimmy: you Janis: just believe me Jimmy: I can't Janis: try to, yeah Janis: really really hard Jimmy: [squeezing her hand like okay] Janis: [bringing their hands up to her mouth so she can kiss his like okay, before turning to get snacks to chuck in his mouth] Jimmy: you're a really good girlfriend Janis: I didn't think I'd like it Janis: being called that Janis: but it's stupid how it makes me feel when you say it Jimmy: 💕 right? Janis: yeah Janis: something like that Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Jimmy: I mean, I had it in my head that I weren't gonna do owt like this again Janis: well, I ain't gonna fuck you over Janis: know you can't promise shit like that, or people say you can't, but I am 'cos I won't, whatever happens Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: the bar's pretty low, just don't bother to fuck half of the town Janis: why would I Janis: when I've got you Jimmy: I dunno, do I? Jimmy: why do people do owt? Jimmy: loads of reasons Janis: yeah but I only wanna fuck you so Janis: not an issue Jimmy: Good Jimmy: can leave it out of the comic I'm gonna draw Janis: what comic? Jimmy: What kind of question's that? Jimmy: ain't drawn it yet Janis: it's a surprise Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: how x-rated were you planning on going though, just wondering Jimmy: [winks at her but then lols] Janis: [also loling, 'scuse them private jokes] Jimmy: [bit rude but we're not soz] Janis: [sure she's texting her mates and does not want to be involved in your shenanigans really] Jimmy: [we should let her have a go at driving though like if they're in the middle of nowhere once again] Janis: [yes, deffo] Jimmy: [though she smol as I discovered when I googled her height, not much taller than me] Janis: [I swear she doesn't look that smol] Jimmy: [we'll never know] Janis: [live ya dreams] Jimmy: [she should be a really bad driver though and they're like damn don't actually kill us] Janis: [#triggert] Jimmy: [we're not letting that happen lads don't worry] Janis: [that would be evil] Jimmy: [like do we wanna have them sleep in the car and go back tomorrow though like how far do you think this trip is?] Janis: [they could probably get home, even if it's late, I don't think anyone would've travelled more than a couple of hours or so for that festival so] Jimmy: [yeah we can say Cass falls asleep lying in the back like my little baby boo] Janis: [n'awh'ing at that but quietly 'cos want some alone time tbh] Jimmy: [nobody in that whole fam ever be sleeping well but Ian, you've done us a favour this once sir] Janis: [enjoy it gal] Jimmy: [shamelessly stopping somewhere so you can makeout we all know it] Janis: [deffo, better sit on the car instead of in it 'cos the levels of being bad at being quiet are through the roof rn] Jimmy: [we see through your flimsy excuses of needing a piss or petrol or whatever you're saying you're stopping for, we know it's been ages and you're extra] Janis: [#tea] Jimmy: [I can't even blame you what an emotional af day] Janis: [the relief, the intensity of all the emotions, gah] Jimmy: [add to that they're literally 15] Janis: [god bless and goodbye]

[hotdadlicense]

hi i’m in walking dead mode right now so ignore this but u know how theres like quite a few AUs where like......rick wakes up and its the start of the apocalypse again after living through a fair chunk of it and its like him correcting mistakes or whatever OR the au where they all kinda wake up but theres no zombies and the end of the world was all a dream but they all collectively had it so they find each other in the modern world and meet up????? thats neat and all and i will read those fics till the day i die but u know what i have not seen and i rly wanna like. cry over? daryl. 

daryl waking up at the start of the end of the world? okay i haven't put much thought into pre-rick era so like maybe just before rick comes in? maybe when merle and the crew leave for the city???? and its like a post-negan daryl thats waking up here. mayhaps the night glenn d*es and daryl gets taken? OR EVEN better maybe when jesus rescues daryl and daryl finally falls asleep for the first time in months on an actual pillow surrounded by certain members of his found family and then he just????? 

wakes up and he’s at the fcking quarry. his bitchass loudmouth brothers nowhere in sight cos as daryl figures out later, merle left the previous day. its the highkey reset button that everyone kinda wishes they had because they’ve all lost so much over the past 2-3 years but like... it can not be real. okay i will readmore the rest of this so you can all stop suffering now

or! and i haven't actually seen past carl dying so i’m not positive about things but hmmm maybe when rick ~dies. the bridge explodes. rick, for all intents and purposes of the show, /DiEs/. and daryls a fucking mess becos that was on him and maggie and idk who else was involved in that plot or even if thats actually what happened. but from what ive gathered rick and daryl were kinda on the outs with the negan shit and that bridge scene could’ve been avoided. if things had just gone a bit differently. if they could go back in time just for a second! just one more chance! one more shot at things going differently and daryl could totally fix everything. then the next day daryls waking up at the quarry.

ugh quarry era daryl and saviour/negan+ era daryl are so different? like the heart of him is the same but they all barely know each other at the start and daryls so angry and skittish and runs on fight or flight mode but alexandria/saviour/negan era daryl has like......bleed for these people? provided food and water for these people? led these people to safety? put his life on the line on several occasions for these people? made some of these people smile and laugh by just existing? stepped in as leader when rick has his moments? or like co leader with michonne & co.?

like would he tell anyone?? would he speak up more and try lead them to the farm cos that was a good move they did before? does he keep up pretences and chuck a tantrum over the crew not returning with merle or does he like. go ‘okay.’ and everyones like what the actual fuck. does he go into the prison and head for the cafeteria straight away to get the remaining prisoners out and kill that one bitch that fucks shit up for them?? 

he absofuckinglutely saves sophia. jumps that fucking guardrail before rick can even get out from under the car properly. carol literally not letting sophia out of her sight for days after daryl and rick and sophia all return like 2 hrs later, wet and covered in dirt and some blood but safe.

if he did tell someone, who would it be?????? rick?? carol?? like how would that even go down. would he tell them maybe later on? prison era maybe. when michonne finally comes and they’re all debating whether to let her in or let her fuck off and stuff and daryls like wow i cant take this anymore rick that is ur future WIFE man. patch up her fucking leg. 

or maybe carol. when they’re on watch together and carol casually mentions that daryl was over and into the woods, right on sophias heels, before people even realised which direction she went. how rick mentioned once to her that daryl seemed to know exactly where to find her. even picked up her doll without even seeming to stop. just seemed to know exactly what was happening. daryl just shrugging.

also side note. we, and daryl, do NOT know a butterfly effect. absolutely no ‘oh he saved xoxo and that means them and 2 others are gonna die!’ plots. nope. no way. this is the do-over of all do-overs. a one time fix it and fix it for the better.

THAT ALL BEING SAID this post is me being like hey what if daryl got a second chance whatever but no! what this post is truly about at its core is: IMAGINE a daryl thats lived....lets go with the ricks just died version. daryls lived that long and lost that many members of his family. 

and then he hasn't.

imagine daryl seeing beth for the first time again. the last time he saw her, he was carrying out her dead body to her sobbing sister. then they’re all at the farm again and she’s theres. alive and well and still young and bright and smiling. ‘you’re gonna miss me so bad when i’m gone’ he fucking did. he missed her so fucking much. he like. physically stops himself from like just going up and grabbing her and hugging the shit out of her. 

daryl seeing sophia grow up? seeing carol become that mum. the mum that she always wanted to be and become still the strongest fucking women daryl had ever met but also like........her and sophia. every time he sees them together he just wants to cry. carol deserves this so fucking bad. after everything, if he could save nothing else. he can make peace with himself knowing he gave carol this. this time with her daughter that she got robbed of.

daryl seeing glenn, alive, so so so young it seems compared to the the last glenn he saw. seeing him at camp at the quarry. seeing him talk to maggie for the first time. going from seeing him alive and so so so fucking real then his sleep being filled with nightmares of That night. how long after glenns death did daryl blame himself. would’ve put his head under the bat without hesitation if it meant that glenn could live and meet his son. him and maggie can run hilltop together. and now he’s real and he’s tangible and he’s funny and daryl spent so much of his time remembering glenn and feeling guilty that he never even really let himself miss him? but fuck he’s missed glenn so fucking much. missed having his back out on runs and glenn having his. 

meeting aaron and eric again. going to that spag bowl dinner, eating the fuck out of it, just enjoying watching these two gays in love have dinner with each other at the end of the world. thinks about how they specifically invited him over for dinner. erics not gonna die this time round. they're both gonna met gracie. bring her back number plates. help her put them on the wall, put them amongst all her drawings.

meeting merle again. knowing that merle died for him. them. the whole family. michone. idk if i want merle to live or die idk lets move on.

hershel lives!!!!!!!!! no beheading here!!!!!!!! fuck that!!!!!! fuck the governor!!!!! maggie and beth and glenn do not ever have to witness their father (in law) being killed in cold blood! no! hershel fits in v well with the alexandia community and thrives there. daryl makes damn sure of that. 

the road is long and things look bleak at some stages but everyday daryl gets to look at this group of people, who fucking survived! against all odds!!!! and he can smile and breathe and it doesn't matter that food is scarce. it hasn't rained in a while. everyones exhausted. doesn't matter!!! they're all alive and okay and no where near as jaded as they could be right now. every single time in the past 3 yrs where hes thought ‘if i could just go back and fix this ONE thing’ and he got that chance and he fucking excelled at it. his whole families right here, having a bbq, theyre met new people, saved more people, gotten smarter quicker.  

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Not too shabby, Jimothy Janis: How about you? Jimmy: Been better Jimmy: You know 😏 Janis: Goes without saying Janis: we both make do like but all things considered Janis: think it was 'reet' as you would say Jimmy: You're so full of craic Jimmy: No wonders I miss you already like Jimmy: But yeah it was alright Janis: 🍀 Janis: Take the compliment even though with present company its not asking much of me is it Janis: No shade to Cass or Bobs Jimmy: Want another, do ya? #thirstyworkthis Jimmy: Full of 'em thankfully Janis: Who you calling thirsty?! 😉 Jimmy: Denying it? Jimmy: Bold move Janis: Your word against mine Jimmy: Fair. You are louder than me Jimmy: Gonna get drowned out Janis: 😳 Janis: Prick! Janis: Not my fault that you just grunt like a caveman at all times Jimmy: If you aren't about it, do something about it, mate Jimmy: Just saying 😏 Janis: Ha.. what, teach you proper English? Janis: Not sure I got the time or dedication to the cause tbh 🤔 Jimmy: Nah you haven't got the vocab 🇮🇪 Jimmy: Need more than 🍀 is the drama Janis: 🖕 Janis: Drama is the only subject you're about, more like Janis: not working with an unwilling pupil Jimmy: You can't be my muse across every subject, mate Jimmy: So thirsty like Janis: Ugh Janis: I hate you Janis: So glad you're not here now Jimmy: Can't shut me up from this far away though Jimmy: We both know you've got means otherwise Janis: Such a blatant hussy Janis: all becomes clear now 😂 Jimmy: Skerries brings it out in me Janis: Well what happens in Skerries, like Jimmy: Shit. Hang on Janis: Okay Janis: Is it? Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: As you were Jimmy: What did I miss? Janis: Damn, didn't hear me lamenting under ya window? Janis: Guess the thirst isn't THAT real Janis: You good? Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Shame you weren't, could've caught me when I was tempted to throw myself out dramatically like Janis: That bad then? Janis: 'Cos you went away, like? Jimmy: My dad just had a weekend worth of opinions he simply had to share with me about how I've been spending my time Janis: I can imagine Janis: You aren't free childcare though Janis: I know my fam are lax about certain shit others aren't but he is taking the piss Janis: Right? Jimmy: It isn't like I even mind about looking after them, he's acting as if I'm desperate to be rid when I'd rather have 'em than leave them with him Jimmy: None of us wanna play happy families with him and his missus Jimmy: Have your fucking alone time Janis: Soon to be asking that, gotta be realistic Janis: Esp. with how little he's given the kiddos re. you're Ma Janis: What a headfuck, can't just transition seamlessly, son Janis: and as for the rest of that shite, he just KNOWS that'll make you feel guilty, Jim Janis: I don't know anyone who puts as much work in with their fam, he's not got a leg to stand on there, just knows what'll work on you, that's all Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it fucks me off though, it really does Jimmy: Feels like ages since we went away already and I'm only just back through the door Janis: I know Janis: Sometimes I wish we could just take 'em and leave for good Janis: Not really though, I know that's a lowkey fucked thing to wish considering Janis: Not trying to be an insensitive cunt, just hate it when he gets to you, if I could do something about it forreal, I would Jimmy: You do Jimmy: Not trying to make you feel awkward bout it but you do really help me Jimmy: I wouldn't be able to hack half as much of this if you weren't about Janis: 'Course you would Janis: You did before, like, since you was 13 Janis: That's mental Janis: Don't usually wanna gas you up this much but you're fucking strong, and I know you had to for 'em but still are Janis: Own it, big 'ead Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Still wish you were here though Jimmy: Or we were there Janis: Duh, I'm a delight Janis: and not going anywhere anytime soon so Janis: you're in 🍀 Jimmy: About time I had some Janis: That's the spirit Janis: just hit your Da with that quality bants 😎 Janis: won't have no comebacks, I bet Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: Sooner I can get my own flat the better Jimmy: Debating jacking school in but then who'd be there to get Mr Lucas' rocks off Janis: Won't someone please think about Mr Lucas n his needs?! Janis: Such a hero Janis: Forreal? Be a shame, like Janis: Not just for the art department Jimmy: I know. I wouldn't get to spend all day eye fucking you for starters Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I dunno, sometimes it's the only peace I get from dickheads, kids and mad dogs but they aren't paying me to be there like Janis: Can't have you using your skillz on the CG punters instead Janis: Get restraining orders or their order over ya like Janis: Makes sense though, shame there ain't a compensation scheme like Janis: Maybe you could get run over and then say the Dr fucked you over Janis: double bubble Jimmy: Get your nan round to beat me up again Jimmy: Have a go too, be a hero, mate Jimmy: If anyone asked there was loads of 'em and I didn't see a single face, sorry Janis: 😂 Janis: and defs not a pensioner and a teenage girl either like Janis: probs the 'RA after you, like Janis: sell that shit to The Sun, boyo Janis: full of good ideas, me Jimmy: Quality Jimmy: I am gonna have to get another job at least Jimmy: any ideas there? Janis: Hmm Janis: Lets put our heads together Janis: What are your skills, Mr Taylor? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 😒 Janis: There's a market for it Janis: Mia could be your sugar mama, play your cards right Jimmy: I'd happily go broke in that case Jimmy: Live in this box room forever like Janis: You got principles now? Janis: Didn't have 'em when you was sucking face with Tam 🤔 Interesting 😂 Jimmy: When Mia's concerned it's called common sense Janis: Don't reckon you got staying power to be nothing more than another flavour of the month? Janis: She does go through them, admirable in a way given all she's seemingly working against Jimmy: I know I haven't Jimmy: Kissed goodbye to my new boy appeal ages ago Janis: I dunno Janis: I still reckon you're alright Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cute Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: [Sends a picture of Twix] Speaking of Jimmy: Absence has made the heart grow fonder for someone Janis: Real MVP Janis: been wearing you out instead of her Janis: You owe her, like 😜 Jimmy: I'm gonna bin off school Jimmy: I can make it up to her then Jimmy: Just for the day, keep calm dad Janis: Lol, really prove his point, like Janis: Teen's prerogative Janis: Fair though, I'm pretty knackered Jimmy: yeah why not Jimmy: you don't wanna come over to keep us both company then? Janis: You don't have to ask Janis: if you just wanna 💤 Janis: Not gonna be that bitch Jimmy: what kinda bitch you gonna be Janis: I've not decided yet, watch out world Jimmy: Keep me posted Jimmy: Twix needs to get a jump on her competition Janis: Look, baby girl, if its a competition between you and school then it is none Janis: but the lad here needs a break Janis: I'm soz 💔 Jimmy: 😎💪🏆 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: You turning sleep into a sport now? Jimmy: Have you seen Twix when she gets going on a dream? #Athleticaf Janis: Aww 😍 Janis: why you taking on the champ, gonna have you picking up her shit- oh wait Janis: s'a dog's life forreal Jimmy: She was the one being #goals all along Janis: Truly Janis: can I come over actually Janis: I want to Janis: Call me thirsty all you wanna Jimmy: I want you here too Jimmy: We're even Janis: What was that? You actually admitting defeat? Janis: 😮 Janis: Never thought I'd see the day, Taylor Jimmy: Don't get used to it, like Jimmy: But I do owe you one for sorting Skerries Janis: I'll take it Janis: Even if it was hardly selfless of me like Jimmy: I'm alright with you being selfish if it means getting away from the shit Janis: Easily sorted Janis: S'my default, ask the fam Jimmy: I would but I'm gonna see how long I can carry on pretending families don't exist 😎 Janis: Not gonna say challenge accepted when you're being a good boy Janis: but I like the sound of that too Janis: plus, unfair, numbers wise Jimmy: You are at a disadvantage Jimmy: Never usually let that losing streak stop you though Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Fuck off Janis: Selective memory sore loser 😒 Janis: I got this in the bag anyway, you can't be cunty to kids Janis: I'm away there, all my fam be grown...ish Jimmy: You're gonna have to jog it for me cause all I see in my past are wins, mate Jimmy: Not that you can trusted if you've forgotten how much of a dickhead I am Janis: I know you find it hard to keep up with me but Janis: at least try, mate 😉 Jimmy: Don't have to. I'm a natural at beating you Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: 😑 Janis: I feel its my duty to inform you this isn't how you make girls like you, you know Janis: otherwise your chances of getting a new gf to stick are slim Jimmy: It's alright I don't want a new girlfriend Jimmy: And I know what works on the one I've got 😏 Janis: What a charmer Jimmy: You aren't denying it 😎 progress Janis: What's your game? Janis: Suspect Jimmy: No games Janis: Yeah right Janis: got my eye on you boy Jimmy: You always do Jimmy: 😎💪💕 Janis: 🕵 you're a shady character that's why Janis: could be a 36 y/o russian spy Jimmy: 😲 Jimmy: with this face? rude Janis: deep cover Janis: obvs want me for the olympics cos why else Jimmy: busted Janis: fans gonna be gutted Janis: never mind will they won't they Janis: rollercoaster from fake start to fake end Jimmy: We're gonna need new #s Janis: #whendimitriisnottheone #comradeBYE Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll get the vodka shots in Jimmy: Win you back like Janis: Not that easy Janis: but not gonna say no Jimmy: #thirsty Janis: how did we end up back here Jimmy: Too true for you to keep avoiding, mate Janis: what you think Janis: queen of avoidance Janis: won't see me for dust Jimmy: I'll see you tomorrow, babe Janis: Only by proxy Janis: 'cos my true love is there Jimmy: 🎻💔 Janis: Don't worry, we can still have mindless sex Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Done Janis: Heart healed real fast Janis: Called it Jimmy: I'm easy Janis: Didn't wanna say it, kid Jimmy: Ask Tam she'll tell you Janis: I bet she would Janis: Unlike you I do my best to avoid her though so no tah Jimmy: Don't know what you're missing there, mate Janis: Ha, you can get fucked Janis: I'm not having a threesome with you and Tam Janis: not even for the #drama Jimmy: what about for the #craic? Jimmy: You'd be lucky anyway she's only about me 😎 Janis: So jealous 😒 Janis: Twat Janis: How about a mmf threesome, bet YOU ain't so keen now Jimmy: Depends who you're considering Jimmy: If it's Mr Lucas I'm well in Janis: All fun and games now but you know he'd be way too down Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: Too real Janis: Mhmm, that mouth gon' get you in trouble one day Janis: what am I gonna do with you, eh? Janis: 😇 over here Jimmy: I'm the bad influence like Jimmy: Take that dad Janis: Yeah, I'll just tell him, like Janis: Problem solved Janis: Please him no end having to have a chinwag with me 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: done deal Jimmy: not like we're trying to avoid him or owt Janis: oh, just thought we were trying to avoid our own, like Janis: there goes my bruch goss sesh Janis: gutted Jimmy: Keep up, mate Jimmy: Gotta totally isolate ourselves for that teen angst cliche Janis: Umm Janis: 🚩 Janis: are you going to tell me next that no one else cares about me but you? and that I need to block everyone and give you my phone Jimmy: You can tell your fam that next time Gracie's blowing up your phone Janis: I'd pay to see her rescue mission but Janis: I'll let it get to the danger zone before I do anything, standard Jimmy: Fair Jimmy: Can't fault you there Janis: Give you time to get proper creeper Janis: up ya game Jimmy: I'll take that Jimmy: Challenge accepted as per Janis: G'wan then Janis: Don't scare easy Jimmy: I already figured that out Janis: Clever boy 😉 Jimmy: have my moments Jimmy: Don't even need school, see? Janis: Still wanna jack it in then? Janis: Let Monday pass, see how you feel Jimmy: I don't wanna really Jimmy: Just being a crybaby about being stuck under this roof Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fair Janis: I feel it Janis: You can always squat in the barn if you're quiet Janis: won't charge you Janis: much Jimmy: I can be quiet Jimmy: If you don't blow my cover we'll be alright Janis: Excuse me Janis: I'm stealth as fuck Janis: you know you got caught the other day yeah Janis: was saving your ego but Jimmy: Nah Janis: Did so Janis: you know Gracie got her 👀 peeled for you forever Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Should've known that she'd still be obsessed with me Janis: You? Okay 👌🍆 Janis: watch you don't rub your shine off dickhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Thought you'd be buzzing she's switched her allegiance like Janis: Still not getting rid of her is it Janis: Unless you both run off into the sunset and leave me in peace Jimmy: Yeah alright Jimmy: You've got Twix you'll be sorted Janis: Like you give a fuck Janis: finally getting the twin you wanted all along like Jimmy: Naturally Jimmy: Just playing the long game Janis: Bit of a weird way to play it but Janis: this your usual approach? Jimmy: You're the first twin I've dated Jimmy: Lucky Janis: I really feel it Jimmy: [Sends a pic of Twix looking adorable] Jimmy: Bet you do Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Look at what you coulda had Janis: now you're gonna have to get a pug with my sister Janis: sad Jimmy: More of a cat person anyway like 😏 Janis: are you trying to get with my mum? Janis: sicko Jimmy: Nah just over mad bitches, you know Janis: Defs wanna avoid this entire fam then Jimmy: Nah their alright Jimmy: And not just by comparison Janis: Hmm maybe from the outside looking in Janis: They aren't but what am I gonna do, emancipate myself? I've got less cash and less of a place to go so not the brightest of ideas Jimmy: Guess we're stuck Jimmy: Twix has a lot of love to give but fuck all cash Janis: Preach Janis: Useless sugar daddy Janis: should take a leaf out my sister's book clearly Jimmy: Bit late for that Jimmy: You're too loved up Janis: Nah Janis: Tell Twix to speak for herself Jimmy: [sends a voice clip of Twix howling] Jimmy: Done Janis: 😂 Janis: aren't you in enough trouble rn boy? don't start her off! Jimmy: She's a bad bitch Jimmy: Can't be told Jimmy: I blame her training meself Janis: Oh, Twix, where you gonna go? Think on, girl Janis: Get what you pay for Janis: You want results, you gotta cough up for my services Jimmy: You can't need new kicks already, mate Jimmy: I know you've been shopping like Jimmy: The social's got you exposed Janis: What makes you think I was paying? 🤔 Janis: Mean she didn't buy you a 'round? Shame Jimmy: I know you weren't Jimmy: Gonna pay when Twix hears about it though Janis: Sure the flat whites are already hunting her down too Janis: Awkward Jimmy: Tam's probably trying to stretch her skin into a suit as we speak Jimmy: She's gonna need a touch of your luck I reckon Janis: Not your usual type, long and lanky then? Janis: That'll be a toughie but she's nothing if not determined, bless her Jimmy: Dunno I can't remember Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Nice Janis: Such a gent Jimmy: I wasn't trying to be Jimmy: She bumped into me and we had a dance to make it less awkward Jimmy: Far as that politeness went Janis: No need to lie 😂 I'm not the one that's gonna be crying about it Jimmy: No need to be jealous cause I'm not Janis: Whatever, weren't together Janis: not against any unwritten rules or other shite Jimmy: Still Jimmy: If you were jealous, like at Cass' party, no need to be Janis: You what? Janis: I weren't, you were being rude, that's all Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Always wanting me to be jealous Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Nope, just saying Jimmy: I'm that dickhead like Janis: What dickhead would that be? Jimmy: A jealous one Janis: Nah Janis: You ain't Janis: why would you be? nothing to be jealous about Jimmy: Forget it Janis: Can't say that, never works, like Jimmy: There's a first time for everything though Jimmy: Worth a go Janis: 🤷 Janis: fine, hit you with the shrug right back Janis: be like that Jimmy: I'm not being like anything Jimmy: I just don't wanna say it. Okay? Janis: Alright Janis: What do you wanna say? Anything? Should I go? Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: It's not your fault like, being too good for me and that Janis: Are you mental? What are you even chatting Janis: Fuck leagues, not even playing the same sport, and I ain't bragging Janis: For once Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: You're fucking stunning like, and that's just looks Janis: 🙄 Janis: Please Janis: that's the start and end of my qualities Janis: don't even make the most of that, like Jimmy: Shut up Jimmy: It isn't Jimmy: And you don't need to, that makes it worse, or better depending on the lens you're viewing through Janis: I've told you, I know what I am Janis: Ain't under any illusion I'm a catch Janis: Not fishing for sympathy like Jimmy: I'm not throwing any sympathy out Jimmy: Or compliments, just facts Jimmy: You are a catch, mate Janis: Blatantly not 'cos no one else thinks or has thought so Janis: what I'm saying, there's nothing to BE jealous about Janis: no one gunning for you 'cos I'm off the market, is there Jimmy: Only cause they can't compete with how #goals we are Janis: Yeah, that's the joke Jimmy: It doesn't have to be Jimmy: I'm not laughing Janis: No? That might've been your reality but it certainly hasn't been mine Janis: There's a reason I was a 'dyke' with no friends, and those reasons haven't disappeared Janis: You would laugh, you do Jimmy: No Janis: Forget it Janis: I'm using mine now too Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: I don't want you to forget what I'm trying to say Jimmy: Even if I am messing it up Janis: you don't have to Janis: say anything Janis: just 'cos I'm being a fucking sad case Jimmy: I want to Jimmy: There's so much shit I wanna say to you, alright? Janis: But you don't know how? Janis: Alright, Liam, fucking hell Jimmy: He was on to something Janis: Maybe Janis: 😏 Janis: You don't need this though, my shit ontop of yours, forreal, so you can forget about it, alright? Jimmy: I'm not that much of dickhead Janis: Ugh, can't you try? Janis: Always claiming the title and now where is it when we need it, eh Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: Got no control over it like that Jimmy: Basically none around you, like Janis: You mean that? Janis: No bullshit, no bants? Jimmy: You know I do Janis: Good Janis: 'cos me either Janis: and I am jealous, really jealous Janis: and you know that too, I know Jimmy: That's why you have to hear me out Jimmy: There's no reason to be Jimmy: I swear Janis: Alright Janis: I'll try Janis: Its not personal, but I know its shitty to be on the other end of it regardless Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I can't lie now, I quite like it Jimmy: Nobody's ever been that bothered about me before Janis: Well they're thick then Janis: I Janis: I dunno Janis: Not had anyone to myself before Janis: that I wanted to keep Janis: not letting go easy, like Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: Me and you. Alright? Jimmy: That's how I want it Janis: Alright Janis: I wish we had a place to go now too Janis: Bad Janis: out of the question storming out in a teen angst rage tonight? Jimmy: It's out of the question for me not to Jimmy: I'll take the car Jimmy: Find us a place Janis: You're already in trouble I guess Janis: Lets do it Janis: I'll be waiting outside Jimmy: I'll be right there Janis: 👌 Janis: what are our chances of sneaking me in though? 🤔 seems silly to come back home only to come back tomorrow like Janis: up for the challenge? Jimmy: Put a coat on it's freezing out Jimmy: You know it 💪🏆 Janis: Cute 🖤 Janis: but as I've pulled, will do Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Got the car keys that's the first hurdle like Jimmy: Don't even need luck Janis: Thank God, like Janis: just that good, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: 💕