#dear paeng

[crstnjnblr]

Finally finished The Courage To Be Disliked. I must confess there were moments of frustration and grappling with the ideas and literally tossing the book away lol. Welp, it really challenged my mind's framework but coming into the last chapters, the pieces finally fell into place.

"The life that ends at the age of twenty and the life that ends at ninety are both complete lives, and lives of happiness." This is my nth self help book since my mom died. Idk, perhaps I'm looking for an affirmation or something about her life, her death, or just human life in general. And this felt like it. Every time people talk about my mom, most of the time, it goes about how untimely it was. And even within my own family, I would constantly hear my brother say "sayang, hindi ko man lang naparamdam kay mama 'to *insert typical milestone*"... I know (and it also awfully pains me tbh) that she died without experiencing a lot of things. She didn't get to see my brother finish law school, didn't get to see me in my Sablay on a stage, didn't get to see another country, didn't get to see us married or have grandchildren, etc. I totally get the guilt and regret, but there's also a strong internal debate that it isn't right to feel that her life went about just like that because she missed some "core memories." I know deep in my heart that she lived earnestly and the people saying "sayang kasi hindi *ganito*, hindi *ganyan*" - we are all wrong. She's the kind of person who actually lived the series of moments of her life (that's why she's such a sunshine even if she's just playing candy crush or watching K-drama) and that is enough. Her life wasn't unfulfilled just because she didn't get to see these milestones set by others and arrived at their expectations.

She danced and her dance ended at fifty-eight. It is a complete, fulfilled life, a life of happiness.

[waitmyturtles]

WELL???? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE THE REST OF MY DAY AFTER THAT????

I Feel You Linger in the Air, episode 11:

I didn't write about episode 10 last week due to life circumstances; I know my dear friends @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm took issue with the ways in which pieces of the narrative from episode 9 were left on the ground. I was feeling basic last week and enjoyed the soapy drama arcs, but I do agree with Shan and NBW that last week's episode was a touch watery and wanting.

NOT THIS ONE.

THIS EPISODE? Y'all know I've been mostly watching older series this year. Of NEW series that I've watched this year? With the caveat that I haven't watched La Pluie yet, this episode 11 of IFYLITA may be the single best episode of a new series I've seen this year. WHY?

Tee Bundit let this story tell itself. No interference. He let Nonkul and Bright take the lift, and tell the script TO US. THEY ARE CIPHERS. They let the emotion of this moment, the MOMENT THEY ARE HOLDING ON TO AS YAI AND JOM, TELL THIS STORY.

MY GOD. THE ROOM WE HAD TO EXPLORE ALL OF THE EMOTIONS.

Oh god! Every time they met together, the controlled intensity, the KNOWING of the time they had left, and still! Yai flirting with Jom in the bed as Jom is drawing his portrait! We coulda had tears! No, Yai just jumped him instead!

Jom sees Yai standing in the garden! Back hug, chin snuggle! These two are ENJOYING ALL OF THEIR EMOTIONS TOGETHER, knowing what little time they have left. They are not leaving ANYTHING on the table in terms of their interactions. They're not gonna sit in the corner and sob! THEY WILL LIVE AND LOVE THE REST OF THEIR DAYS TOGETHER.

That dance scene. The leaning in. The emotion of foreheads touching. The achievement of Jom to get a moment of equality for the house servants, to not work, to be friends all together in one room, to transcend caste and wealth, to be accepting of Yai and Jom's love, Jom coordinating for Yai a moment where Yai can be out and safe, as Jom was in his future life, around people that love them together.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Also, god. The Eaung Paeng storyline. As a mom, I am gritting my teeth and hoping for the DAMN best for EP, because she deserves the best. I do not want anything happening to EP. 1928 -- not necessarily a year I think of as a high point for women's healthcare. Carrying the baby of a man you hate? Probably the worst-case life scenario I could possibly think of.

Shit, y'all, this episode took me OUT. @slayerkitty! I don't easily cry at shows, but I SOBBED.

I'm just blubbering. Best work I've ever seen by Tee Bundit, and I've seen almost all of it this year. Episode 12 will be hard to top; if it doesn't top this episode, I can't exactly blame Tee, because this was an artistic HEIGHT.

P.S. @lurkingshan IS RIGHT. This will TAKE YOU OUT if you're an Eternal Yesterday/Eien no Kinou girlie like me.

[mykingdomforapen]

courage of stars, ch3 | writer's commentary

Hello all! Thank you for coming back to chapter 3! This chapter is one I was so excited to share with people, as it introduces the characters to a new setting that the story will take place for a good chunk--and it's a setting near and dear to my heart. It also contains QUITE a lot of historical background, which I might take for granted as someone growing up with the stories but may be new to another reader, so I will try to explain succinctly. Without further ado, let's get into some notes!

***

“Little chicken cookies!” he gasped. “Kai zai,” Popo said, correcting his Cantonese pronunciation. “Not muscle cookies, silly boy.” “Kai zai,” Xiaoshi repeated, although his mind was entirely elsewhere.

If I had a writer's commentary for every bit of food that these characters eat in this story, we would be here forever, so I will resist doing that. However, I just want to shout out little chicken cookies. Little chicken cookies, aka 'kai chai paeng' (or kai zai, Cantonese romanization varies), are a very Cantonese biscuit. They're originally called 'little phoenix biscuits' but I have mostly heard them be referred to as chicken biscuits. They're crispy, lightly meat-flavored, and delicious, and they are generally popularly sold in a specific historical neighborhood in Guangzhou.

“Did you know, Xiaoshi?” she murmured. “That the moon has mountains?”  “It does?” Xiaoshi said incredulously. “Where? Can I see?”  “Not from here,” she said. “But it has many. One of them is so tall, it’s over half the height of Everest. Do you remember learning about Everest?”  Xiaoshi nodded, transfixed.  “What else?” he asked.  Cai Liangxing hummed.  “Did you know,” she said, “that the moon gets moonquakes?”  “Mooncakes?”  “Silly! Moonquakes!”

Shout-out to this episode of Radiolab for all their wonderful moon facts that I learned to include in this fic. But yes, these are true facts! I highly recommend giving that episode, and that podcast as a whole, a listen, as there are just some incredible thoughts on the moon and about human curiosity. I can't recommend it enough.

“What about the rabbit?” Xiaoshi asked. “Do you think they get scared from all the shaking?” “No,” she said assuredly. “They’re there to be with their friend. So that she is never lonely. They can be brave if it helps their friend.” 

The Chinese legend of Chang'Er is probably quite well known, but I'll give it a quick summary in case anyone is unfamiliar: legend has it that Chang'er, the wife of a legendary hero, was entrusted with magic pills that would make a human immortal, which were gifted to her husband. While he was away, a baddie came and try to threaten her into giving him the pills. In order to keep it from the hands of the baddie, she swallowed the pills and ascended to the moon, but she has no way of coming back home to her husband. Her pet bunny did come along though, to keep her company. Legend has it that the bunny is pounding medicine in order to concoct a pill that would reverse the effects and bring Chang'er back home to Earth. There's a shadow that is bunny-shaped on the moon if you look at it in its fullness. But this is also where Cheng Xiaoshi gets his nickname from his mother!

“Ah,” Qiao Ling said softly. “They probably didn’t want you accidentally slipping it to her.” “I guess,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, somber. “I wonder if it even helped.”

It is rather common in China that if a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis, the doctors will actually tell the loved one's family, but not the patient themselves. Then, the family will elect not to tell their loved one about the diagnosis, and instead take care of all of their health matters in a subtle way to not let their loved one know that they're actually dying. The belief behind this is that if the patient finds out that they're dying, the distress will only worsen their health, and so the family will take upon themselves the burden of the truth and do what they can to give their loved one an unburdened remainder of their days.

Peidi University

In Guangzhou, and perhaps in other cities of China but I only know about one city, older universities will also be a residential neighborhood. It's all still within campus, but there are apartment buildings and living spaces where professors, faculty, and retired staff live, right next to student dormitories and school buildings. They're usually a peaceful oasis within the city, because traffic is very controlled so there are very few vehicles driving in and out, and generally only residents and workers mill about. Retirees still have a lot of privileges on campus, and they can still access the food canteens. Peidi University, while fictional, certainly draws from real beloved places! They were also older places, long-established universities from the 1800s, so I do not know if for example the university that the trio attend in the show would have been the same setup. Theirs look a little more modern.

“And his hair was pitch black too!” another retiree piped up.  “I’m starting to think you don’t like my hair, Professor,” Lu Guang chided lightly.  “Oh, you know that I’m teasing,” she laughed. “You may look like Yang Xier, but you are still so genteel.” 

Yang Xier is the heroine of a Chinese modern opera called The White-Haired Girl. My memories of the storyline are very vague and hazy, but what I know of it is that this young girl's father was killed (?) in front of her by enemy soldiers and she ran and hid in a cave for years. The shock and trauma then turned her hair pure white, and eventually came out of the cave and fell in love with a kind comrade or something along those lines.

Professor Lu's story

I'm not ever going to claim to be an expert on the CR. It almost feels strange of me to even try. As I've mentioned in a previous commentary, I will not claim to aim for historical accuracy, at the same time, I drew Professor Lu's stories almost entirely from oral history and I don't typically exaggerate or make something up--after all, truth is generally far more intense than fiction. There is a possibility I misunderstood, or parts of history become compounded into one.

Professor Lu does serve as like the Exposition character in this chapter, as he does have the role of tell vs show. Indeed, university campuses were pretty dire places to be during the CR, especially for a professor, especially for a physicist. Students were really passionate about this birth of New China, really championed this cause, and then sadly were swept up in the movement. As Professor Lu mentioned re: Wang Dai, not every university student would turn against their professors, but certainly many did (and, just as Professor Lu mentioned, many of them have come to apologize for it later).

Professors and academics indeed were sent to 'reform camps,' usually if not always in the countryside, to work in the farms with physical laborers. Tea farms or mountains or bricklaying are examples of them. They could be there for a year at a time, or several years. They might be allowed back to their homes for major holidays but otherwise they're living in the camps.

One had to be extremely careful about what you say or do for fear of it being interpreted as anti-Party, and then you are going to get in big trouble. Even if your intentions were absolutely not anti-Party, you can still get in big trouble. It got to the point where there was for lack of better words rampant witch hunts--people fervently turning in their neighbors, or forced to denounce their spouses, or children manipulated into turning in their parents. Sadly, a lot of people died this way, whether by the crowds or by suicide.

I know anecdotes of people walking outside of the campus and there would be bodies hanging from the trees, or buildings set on fire, etc. And technically, things in Guangzhou were tame compared to other regions. It was much worse elsewhere.

A capitalist roader, which Professor Lu mentions at one point, is someone who was perceived to be trying to hold China back from its Revolution, or try to bring China back to the ways of ye olde capitalism. Basically, someone who was in the Party but seemed to capitulate to capitalist ways or systems.

The CR is a very dense topic, and I wrote to be anecdotal rather than historical, so I don't want to try and explain why any of it happened the way it did, but rather think of what someone like Prof. Lu would have lived through in his humble life.

Sun Yihan's Story

This is where I do fudge the timeline a bit, and that's mainly because of how young Lu Guang is. Sun Yihan and LG's Grandma hunting for frogs to stave off hunger would have happened during the early 60s, because at the time of the Great Leap Forward there was a nationwide manmade famine. People had so so little food, and so I know anecdotes of family indeed hunting for frogs at the university pond for extra bites to eat whilst pregnant, but that was around the early 60s. Lu Guang is quite young though, and I reckon his dad is born later than that. So this is a part where I muck up the timeline. That isn't to say that people wouldn't have been hungry in the late 60s or early 70s, because there was still some heavy rationing of food all the way up to like, the 80s so people didn't have all that much access too food (hence how in chapter 1, one of the characters mentions that they only have chicken once a year, and meat only about twice a week). There very well may have been frog-hunting as a mean to survive. But I want to be transparent about where my stories are coming from.

“Han Ge, your face is like Buddha,” little Lin laughed once. She wiggled her finger over Sun Yihan’s birthmark. “What if they chop your head off too?”

Buddhism wasn't really acceptable during the CR. Temples and Buddha statues were among the casualties of destroyed historical or cultural relics during the CR, hence little Lin's childish comment.

And, within that millisecond, Lu Tianbao was pierced with what he had long tried to forget. A memory that he never reopened, but instead let it rattle and howl like a ghost in a haunted hall. The memory of when he was ten years old when Japanese soldiers grabbed his uncle by the hair and dragged him to the edge of the Pearl River, where three other men shivered at gunpoint. They tied him with a rope to the doomed men, tight around the waist and only an arm’s width apart. 

We take another look back at the Japanese invasion of China here, with Professor Lu's memories. There was an incident where the Japanese soldiers tied Chinese men together, where one of those men could not swim, and then threw them all into the waters. The one drowning man dragged all of them down, and so they all drowned.

The Library

Book-burning and book-banning was, of course, prevalent in China's modern history. Western physicists would not have been smiled upon and would have likely been tossed into the refuse pile. Other banned books included Chinese classic novels, European novels...basically, anything that wasn't written by Mao or by Russian Communists were on thin ice. And while people were tasked to toss out those books, those who appreciated them would sneakily read them all beforehand. After all, no one's going to bother you when you've got the library to yourself.

Einstein's quote mentioned in the story is from a letter he wrote to someone, so frankly it is dicey how accessible that quote would have been to a Chinese person in the 70s. However, it was a good quote, and relevant, so I used it.

-

Gosh, that was a lot of notes, and I KNOW that I was purposely vague or brief. I don't mean to be blase as to dismiss anyone's desire to learn, but I want to emphasize I'm not the word of truth, and also I want to be mindful of how I explain things since the internet is quite public, and I would like to avoid causing trouble. But, I really hope that this adds to your reading experience. These historical and cultural contexts are going to be important for other aspects of this story, so I do appreciate you reading through this and hope that they all make sense. Happy to talk on DM if you have questions or want details! Thank you so much!

[soundsfaebutokay]

Friends, there's a typhoon in my country (known as Nalgae internationally, Paeng locally), so we've been advised that we may lose electricity at some point. Also the wifi has been on and off all day, so I haven't been able to schedule posts for the next three days of ruin week. There are other posts in the queue, though. Don't worry about me, I'm relatively safe where I am (I promise!), and I'll catch up when I can. Drop me an ask or @ me if there's anything in particular you don't want me to miss. In the meantime, keep enjoying the ask games and have fun TADposting.

See you on the other side, dear hearts! 🥰

[myforeversunshineepisode19]

My Forever Sunshine Ep 19 [English-sub] Full Episode

Watch Full My Forever Sunshine Episode 19 Full Episode Watch On ►► http://dadangkoprol.dplaytv.net/series/389284/1/19

Episode 19

Episode 19 | A sweet but defiant young lady named Paeng comes from a wealthy family. Her parents have bailed out their dear friend Prateep, who owns Sunlight Farm, from debt. In return, her father asks for Prateep's son to be engaged to his daughter. Prateep was grateful for their generosity and agreed despite his wife's objection. However, Arthit's feelings towards Paeng has always been sisterly, and he finds it hard to look at her as a romantic partner. Soon after, Paeng was forced to move in with Arthit's family when her parents passed away. But after two years, Paeng caused an incident that left her shunned by Arthit's family and was consequently sent elsewhere to study for six years. When she returns to the farm, what will become of her relationship with Arthit? Will they be able to turn their childhood memories to forgiveness and love? Will he become her forever sunshine?

Watch On ►► http://dadangkoprol.dplaytv.net/series/389284/1/19

A sweet but defiant young lady named Paeng comes from a wealthy family. Her parents have bailed out their dear friend Prateep, who owns Sunlight Farm, from debt. In return, her father asks for Prateep's son to be engaged to his daughter. Prateep was grateful for their generosity and agreed despite his wife's objection. However, Arthit's feelings towards Paeng has always been sisterly, and he finds it hard to look at her as a romantic partner. Soon after, Paeng was forced to move in with Arthit's family when her parents passed away. But after two years, Paeng caused an incident that left her shunned by Arthit's family and was consequently sent elsewhere to study for six years. When she returns to the farm, what will become of her relationship with Arthit? Will they be able to turn their childhood memories to forgiveness and love? Will he become her forever sunshine?

Watch On ►► http://dadangkoprol.dplaytv.net/series/389284/1/19

Show Info Network: Thailand Channel 3 (2020 - now) Schedule: Weekdays at 20:20 (120 min) Status: Running Language: Thai Show Type: Scripted Genres: Drama Romance

Watch Full My Forever Sunshine Episode 19 [EngSub]

Thanks for joining, have fun, and check out and let me know what you guys think! Feel free to leave a clap and Follow

Thanks for watching guys!! Smiling a little better a big laugh.! Have a nice day :))

[myforeversunshineepisode8]

[English-subtitles] My Forever Sunshine Episode 8 - Full Episode

Watch Full My Forever Sunshine Episode 8 Full Episode Watch On ►► http://dadangkoprol.dplaytv.net/series/389284/1/8

Episode 8 | A sweet but defiant young lady named Paeng comes from a wealthy family. Her parents have bailed out their dear friend Prateep, who owns Sunlight Farm, from debt. In return, her father asks for Prateep's son to be engaged to his daughter. Prateep was grateful for their generosity and agreed despite his wife's objection. However, Arthit's feelings towards Paeng has always been sisterly, and he finds it hard to look at her as a romantic partner. Soon after, Paeng was forced to move in with Arthit's family when her parents passed away. But after two years, Paeng caused an incident that left her shunned by Arthit's family and was consequently sent elsewhere to study for six years. When she returns to the farm, what will become of her relationship with Arthit? Will they be able to turn their childhood memories to forgiveness and love? Will he become her forever sunshine?

Watch On ►► http://dadangkoprol.dplaytv.net/series/389284/1/8

Show Info

Network: Thailand Channel 3 (2020 - now)

Schedule: Weekdays at 20:20 (120 min)

Status: Running

Language: Thai

Show Type: Scripted

Genres: Drama Romance

Watch Full My Forever Sunshine Episode 8 [EngSub]

Thanks for joining, have fun, and check out and let me know what you guys think! Feel free to leave a clap and Follow

Thanks for watching guys!! Smiling a little better a big laugh.! Have a nice day :))

[oppoa12]

Episode 8 | My Forever Sunshine EP.8 [ENGSUB] Channel 3

Watch Now : http://watchstream.online-tvs.com/series/389284/1/8

A sweet but defiant young lady named Paeng comes from a wealthy family. Her parents have bailed out their dear friend Prateep, who owns Sunlight Farm, from debt. In return, her father asks for Prateep's son to be engaged to his daughter. Prateep was grateful for their generosity and agreed despite his wife's objection. However, Arthit's feelings towards Paeng has always been sisterly, and he finds it hard to look at her as a romantic partner. Soon after, Paeng was forced to move in with Arthit's family when her parents passed away. But after two years, Paeng caused an incident that left her shunned by Arthit's family and was consequently sent elsewhere to study for six years. When she returns to the farm, what will become of her relationship with Arthit? Will they be able to turn their childhood memories to forgiveness and love? Will he become her forever sunshine?

[vxkev-blog]

Meaningful beautiful maa shayari and lines for your dear mom

Sirph isalie ki ap bachche ko janm dete hain, apako man nahin banate! ek man hone ka matalab hai ki apane bachchon ka khyal rakhana, jhukav dekhana, unhen badhana dekhana, unhen dekhana aur bahas karana, achchhe aur bure ke lie vahan hona, aur sabase mahatvapoorn hai ki unhen har roj apane bina shart pyar dikhaen! Halanki, duniya mein paryapt shabdon ke lie man ko sahi tarike se dhanyavad dene ke lie paryapt shabd nahin hain - aur spasht roop se, vah usase bhi adhik hakadar hai - in khoobasoorat maa shayari or Best Lines For Mother aapakee maan se kahane ke lie sabase achchhe shabd hain. shayaribird.com mein maa shayari par adhik sangrah hai, agar ap chahate hain to vahan jaen.

"jo kuchh main hoon, ya hone kee aasha karata hoon, main apane paree maan ke lie jimmedaar hoon."

"unhen ehasaas nahin hua ki aapakee maan ke roop mein utana hee shaktishaalee pyaar aapake lie apana nishaan chhod deta hai."

"mujhe lagata hai, mahilaapan ka matalab keval maatrtv hai; sabhee pyaar shuroo hota hai aur vahaan samaapt hota hai ... "

"sabhee mahilaen apanee maan kee tarah ban jaatee hain. yah unakee traasadee hai. koee aadamee nahin karata vah usaka hai. "

"rone ka sabase achchha sthaan maan kee baahon par hai."

"ekamaatr pyaar jise main vaastav mein vishvaas karata hoon vah apane bachchon ke lie ek maan ka pyaar hai."

hamesha apanee maan se pyaar karen kyonki aap kabhee aur nahin paenge.

jeevan mainual ke saath nahin aata hai. yah ek maan ke saath aata hai.

aisa lagata hai ki aap asaphal ho gae hain. lekin aankhon, dil aur aapake bachche ke dimaag mein, aap supar maan hain.

ek maan ka pyaar kabhee khatm nahin hoga. yah shuruaat se ant tak hai.

mere paas laakhon gulaab hain, main un sabhee ko laakhon cheejon kee vajah se apanee maan ko de doonga.

janm keval ekamaatr samay hai jab aap rote hain aur aapakee maan muskuraatee hai.

yah sirph ek maan hone ke lie janm dene se jyaada leta hai.

ekamaatr aisee mahilaen jo vaastav mein aapako pyaar karatee hain aur isase koee phark nahin padata ki aap apanee maan hain.

sabhee meethe shabdon mein se, sabase pyaaree maan kee phusaphusaahat se aatee hai.

[deyzalee]

Dear God,

Thankful and blessed today. I woke up late because I slept late, its still my annual leave. I ate bread with cheese pimiento. I scrolled my social media accounts, chatted my family and friends. I slept again because I m so tired. I woke up again and Langa is here. I gave her perfume and Ate Cheena gave chocolates. I ate my early dinner which is beef soup cooked by Ate Cheena. We had a little chit chats again with my family. We still don’t have water due to typhoon Paeng. Papa bought water at Victoria Talisayan. I washed my body to freshen up. I just used a little of water. I read few pages of the Bible. I will drink my medicines. Have mercy on us Oh God. Guide us always to the right path. Remove sickness, danger and negative things in our life. Answer our prayers in your perfect time. Thank you and I love you God.

[sunsethillshq]

welcome  home  hunter  ,  we’re  so  excited  to  have  you  here  at  sunset  hills  !  before  we  give  you  the  keys  to  your  new  place  ,  make  sure  you  go  over  this  checklist  to  make  sure  everything’s  all  squared  away  —  we’ll  give  you 24  hours  to  come  by  the  leasing  office  ,  please  let  us  know  if  you you  need  anything  at  all  !

✿ * · (  choi  san  ,  cis  man  ,   he  /  him   )   a  little  birdy  told  me  hunter  paeng    just  moved  to  sunset  hills  .  have  you  met  them  yet  ?  they  look  somewhere  around  twenty  two ,   if  i  had  to  guess  !   pretty  sure  i  heard  them  driving  down  the  street  playing  10  /  10  by  rex  orange  county  ,  they  sounded  a  little  pitchy  but  they  had  the  spirit  !   must  be  their  favorite  or  something  .  hey  …  it  looks  like  they  just  moved  into  midnight  park  .  have  you  heard  about  what  they  do  for  a  living  ?  someone  told  me  they’re  a  computer  science  major  ,  but  who  knows  if  that’s  even  true  .  guess  we’re  just  gonna  have  to  wait  and  see  .  nervous  ?  maybe  you  should  be  .  sunset  speaks  just  posted  about  them  …  apparently  they’re  resident  29  ?  between  you  and  me  ,  i  think  that  might  spark  some  things  in  the  community  …  but  what  do  i  know  !  you  guys  might  get  along  just  fine  !  (  dani  ,  she  /  they  ,  twenty1  ,  pst  .  )

headcanons  :

one  .    video  games  have  always  been  a  major  source  of  happiness  and  comfort  in  hunter’s  life  ,   and  that’s  the  entire  reason  why  he’s  majoring  in  computer  science   —    he  intends  to  work  in  video  game  development  to  keep  providing  joy  to  people  like  him  who  enjoy  playing  games  .   moving  from  south  korea  to  a  small  town  in  washington  state  at  thirteen  years  old  was  a  giant  culture  shock  for  hunter  .  it  was  an  incredibly  isolating  experience  at  first  ,   but  he  found  solace  in  video  games  .   he  could  play  by  himself  ,   but  it  also  really  helped  him  make  friends  at  school  .   even  if  he  couldn’t  relate  to  all  of  their  experiences  ,   video  games  transcended  a  lot  of  the  cultural  barriers  that  made  hunter  feel  so  alone  .   needless  to  say  ,   gaming  is  still  a  big  hobby  of  his  ,   and  something  that  he  holds  near  and  dear  to  his  heart  !

two  .    he  has  a  habit  of  accidentally  ‘  adopting  ’   cats  .   for  some  reason  ,   those  furry  little  critters  really  seem  to  like  him  .   he’s  got  one  of  his  own   (  actually  adopted  from  a  shelter  )   —    a  snowshoe  named  goose   —    but  there’s  a  couple  cats  that  like  to  lounge  around  his  building  in  midnight  park  that  have  chosen  hunter  as  their  person  .   he  made  the  mistake  of  feeding  them  one  too  many  times  ,   and  now  he’s  got  to  buy  the  30lb  bag  of  cat  food  at  the  store  to  feed  goose  and  his  six  cats  that  live  outside  .  whoops  .

three  .    this  man  runs  purely  on  three  hours  of  sleep  ,  pure  determination  ,   and  about  two  cans  of  monster  a  day  .   his  sleeping  schedule  is   …   less  than  desirable  to  put  it  easily  .   hunter  is  a  firm  believer  that  there  are  not  enough  hours  in  a  day  ,   and  someone  should  get  to  work  on  bending  the  parameters  of  time  and  space  to  add  at  least  five  more  hours  to  one  of  earth’s  spins  around  its  axis  .   between  homework  ,  class  ,   streaming  on  twitch  ,   and  feeding  his  small  army  of  cats  ,   hunter  is  constantly  dozing  off  throughout  the  day  .  it’s  not  unusual  to  find  him  asleep  in  the  library  at  the  university  .

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She loved this spot and it loved her just the same.

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Found one of my fav photos of her.

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Still building me up even after leaving this life. I love you, mama ♡

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will always be looking forward to that day when i will be walking through our gates and see you working behind your desk once again, with your worn out glasses and fave shabby yellow shirt, and then you will be stopping whatever it is that you're writing just so you could reach out for me and kiss my cheek, and hear you say "anong gusto mong ulam 'nak?"

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ma, dalawang taon na pala. sa totoo lang, natututo na kaming magpatuloy nang wala ka. hindi na kagaya noon na halos araw-araw eh para akong binubuhusan ng malamig na tubig kapag nakikita ko yung mga maliliit na bagay na sumisigaw ng biglaang pagkawala ng presensya mo, mga munting espasyo na lumaki na kasi hindi ka na pumaparoon. andoon pa rin siyempre yung sakit, yung minsanang mga gabing isang libo ang mga "bakit" at hinahanap-hanap pa rin yung nakasanayang pagmamahal mo at pagaruga na hindi kayang pantayan at hinding-hindi mapapalitan.

ikaw na ngayon ang "rason" ko. kumbaga yung moral at motibasyon ko - ikaw ang naging pundasyon. dati pa man e madami na akong tanong tungkol sa mundo, ang kabuluhan dito at higit pa. Pero nung nawala ka, naging klaro sa'kin kung hanggang saan lang ang mga katanungan at unti-unti ring nahanap ang ilang kasagutan na kahit pa limitado e sapat lang. tipong ang labo pa rin ng direksyon, pero maaalimpungatan ako nang may ideya kung paano maglakad kahit parang hindi naman alam ang destinasyon. dahil sa'yo... para pa rin sa'yo.

patuloy pa rin akong natututo, patuloy ring nagkakamali. sinusubukang mamuhay nang naaayon sa mga pangaral at pangarap mo. at hindi ka naman naghangad ng kung ano... hindi mataas, kundi malalim - kaligayahan, kalakasan, tahanan - mga pangarap na may bilang at kahulugan.

masasabi ko nang buo sa loob ko na kahit wala ka dito, ramdam ko pa rin ang kabutihan mo, yung alaga mo, mga pangaral mo - dala-dala ng kahit anong panahon. dahil sa'yo rin, kaya ko nakakaya na wala ka na. parang hinehele mo pa rin ako. ramdam ko kahit saan, umaapaw kahit kailan.

dalawang taon na simula nung mawala ka... pero walang araw na hindi ka nanatili, sige lang sa pagdaloy, patuloy na yumayabong sa porma ng pag-ibig. nakakatuwa na araw-araw kong nararanasan ang himala na 'to... kaya't walang hanggang pasasalamat dahil sa bilyun-bilyon, ikaw ang ibinigay sa'min ng Panginoon. sa bilyun-bilyon, ikaw ang naging ilaw ng tahanan ko dito sa kalawakang binabalot ng walang kasiguraduhan.

mahal na mahal kita, mama.

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Hi! Just wanna say that I miss you so damn much,

And in many ways I can't put in words, you still make things a hundred times better even if you're not here any longer.

You will always exist. Mahal na mahal kita <3