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January 31, 2025. i am still processing the events these past few weeks. i can't believe it has only been 11 days since my oathtaking.

i am finally employed once again (a COS in a govt office, uhuhu i know). i know employment kills a lot of elements, but i am convinced that it is something i have to go through to gain insight perhaps about life in another light or something. don't get me wrong, being self-employed is quite nice but it can get really boring and a little lonely. i literally only have mself. also, i studied college for 6 fvckin years. my parents gave their lives, blood, and sweat for that education and unfortunately i haven't been using this array of knowledge on the nature of our business (or is that a restricted way of thinking?). aaaand that is the reason why i am leaving this little comfortable life i have with our store and pursue a career i believe i would grasp fresh perspectives from. we're all allowed to change anyway. there are no rules!

not gonna lie, i got terrified. i cried to chie about how much i'm gonna miss him and our little life. the fear of going out there after being cooped up inside a safe zone for three years consumed the shit out of me (and the fact that my employment was on a really short notice). there is that disbelief that from now on, there will be tidal shifts that i have to face because it's inevitable, because the gravitational pull is inescapable. there's this confusion: i thought i wanted this? i prayed for this, right? so what's with these emotions?

it also felt like i was able to zoom out and see how favored i am in hundreds of ways. in spite of all the lemons thrown at me, life still unveiled goodness and beautiful episodes that truly carried me through. the countless quiet mornings because i didn't have to wage war with the traffic, actual playtime with our pets because why not, at 12 noon grilling liempo on the terrace with chie because we craved it for lunch, customers-to-friends experience, that 2 pm time when i can watch films or read books or simply journal without guilt - it's... it's beautiful. and right now, i see it more evidently.

i cried not just because i am terrified, but also because i am favored. just waves of emotions, really.

the question is, what happens to our business? my retired aunt will be managing it. but damn. SHE. IS. HARD. WORK. it's only been a little while since she took over (2 working days to be exact) but it feels like muh nerve is about to pop anytime of the day. gotta take accountability and responsibility though. and ofc gotta give her time to properly adjust and be familiar with the business (despite the fact that she's literally in our store most of her spare time). patience, jana. patience. just like mself, this is a new phase for her.

anyways, that's about it. it's almost 1pm and i gotta get back to werq lol. here are some random snaps these past dew days haha.

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“…I believe life is a continuum, and that no one really dies, they just drop their physical body and we'll all meet again, like the song says. It's sad but it's not devastating if you think like that. Otherwise I don't see how anybody could ever, once they see someone die, that they'd just disappear forever and that's what we're all bound to do. I'm sorry but it just doesn't make any sense, it's a continuum, and we're all going to be fine at the end of the story.”

David Lynch & Matthew Sweet

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January 20, 2025. Oathtaking with Chie, Kuya, and Mama Dadao; Today, I remember my parents so fondly.

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January 17, 2025. 28th <3

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— Megan Fernandes, “Do You Sell Dignity Here?” from I Do Everything I’m Told

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all the self help books and internet gurus in the world can't make you realise that unfortunately the way to get what you want isn't some hack or neat trick, but is just doing the work. and it's hard, but it's really the only thing that is going to fulfill you. you need to get up when your alarm goes off and go outside, make sure you move your body and eat enough, give yourself the time and space to actually think, and not spend your whole day on a screen.

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January 12, 2025. Tara na at may meeting ang mga awkward sa camera HAHA XD

Ily (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

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Street food date>>>

Appetizer

Main course

Dessert

*chef's kiss*

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January 12, 2025. Walk trip in MNL

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January 12, 2025. Walk trip in MNL

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January 12, 2025. Walk trip in MNL

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January 12, 2025. Walk trip in MNL

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January 8, 2025. Papa, supposedly 60 years old ka na. Mahirap na wala na kayo ni mama dito, pero dahil sa inyo ako nanggaling, nakakayanan. Kinakaya. Kung yung softest parts ko galing kay mama, yung toughest, strongest parts at makunat pa sa makunat na blueprint ng pagkatao ko eh galing naman sa'yo.

Happy birthday in paradise, Papa! Mahal ka namin <3

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i hope that in 2025 u get to take more walks, read more books, connect with more people whom u love and who love u, achieve ur goals (even if ur goals are having no goals and just living in the moment), exercise fun hobbies, move from a place of self-direction, and weave together a beguiling assortment of beautiful little moments. remember that no feeling lasts forever. love u

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January 5, 2025. Inilabas kami ni kuya kasi gusto niyang magpahulas haha.

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January 4, 2025. Hinatid namin si Tito Egay. Kain/pagpag na rin sa Elbi sa isa sa mga paborito namin nung college.