#dean/cas trial separation

[shallowstories]

Dean + Nightmares

Dean has nightmares, but they're quiet.

Just endless images of Cas's back as he walks away.

[shallowseeker]

Happy "It's-- amazing. You did-- amazing," Monday!

"It's-- amazing. You did-- amazing."

///

Do you even realize how amazing you are to me?

///

15x09 The Trap (Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)

[shallowrambles]

It's fascinating to me how much I've changed my mind about Dean in The Trap. I'm waaaaay more sympathetic to the whole Cas-being-forgiven aspect of it, because yes, Cas apologized initially, but the root of the issue was Cas's painful withdrawal of his partnership and his withholding of critical information. Full stop. He and Dean are NOT equally culpable in this one.

It's not just about Mary and Jack, and yet Cas keeps pivoting to "Dean blaming him for Mary." Which oversimplifies the whole thing in a terrible way. Yes, they're all culpable, and yes they all saw that things were wrong with Jack, but next to Donatello, Cas is THE authority on souls and physically the strongest of TFW. To make matters worse, he all but demanded Dean to parent Jack and take care of Jack's emotions, even though Dean expressed discomfort over his memories of soulless Sam. Dean has repeatedly expressed how he wants Cas to be open and honest with him, especially now that they're co-parenting, and although Cas demanded Dean parent Jack, he then turned around and hid Big Parenting Stuff from him and went off to meet Anael.

Barring Cas's one feeble and poorly-timed, "I tried to fix it on my own because I was afraid of losing this family," he doesn't really spell out his part in the communication failures or apologize very well for withdrawing from Dean, specifically. He sorts of sulls up and say, "I already apologized and I'm not doing it again." Yet, Cas has a continued, longstanding pattern of withdrawal from the partnership. I'm floored that my Cas goggles kept me from seeing it before, and maybe I'm a little embarrassed, too. I mean, honestly, it's amazing that Dean takes him back at all. :/ Once you look past, "Oh no! Dean said mean things!" anyway.

I think by The Trap, Dean has given up trying to get Cas to change or hold him accountable for his lack of communication. Cas sort of gave Dean ultimatums over it, if you squint, and Dean rolled over. And Dean wants to get back together. He needs Cas's support and Cas need his. He looks at everything Cas is and decides that Cas's avoidance and want to protect the family is just woven into the fabric of him, and Dean decides to accept that. It's something he loves about him as much as he resents it. Cas's chivalry is a feature and a bug. Dean loves him for it. It makes his life a Hell sometimes.

Occasionally, I still see people harping on how horrible Dean was for "forgiving" Cas, like Cas doesn't need to be forgiven. And with some distance and clarity, I find that pretty baffling now, but I also remember feeling that way when I wasn't looking at their partnership equally and giving Cas too much leeway on his continued absence from the partnership. I almost...respected Cas more. That thought makes me wince. But his bad decisions I was way more likely to stamp as protective or tactically genius, at least compared to some of Dean's similar decisions. Dean's things I tended to group as "too angry/emotional/irrational." :(

I guess I've come a long way when it comes to holding Sam and Cas accountable for their actions, too. Much of the time, my issues with Dean devolved to unfortunate tone policing or not liking him to express his anger and be angry at his boundaries being breached over and over, even when he was taking his anger out on inanimate objects. I balked just because it made a loud sound that made Sam wince (oh noes, not the wincing).

///

On the other hand, I'm quite impressed that Dean and Cas were finding their way back to each other after the Death of a Child. That's about the hardest thing a marriage can go through, and they were getting back together and trying to heal even before Jack reappeared. Clearly, it's a stress-tested relationship. WAY more stress-tested than your everyday marriages; they've been through multiple apocalypses. On the whole, they often have good communication, even when they disagree, they knew where they stood (like with Donatello). It's just these huge, incredibly unusual horrible earth-shatteringly terrible things that throw them. Chuck's grooming is such a bitch.

[arjwrites]

— Hiii!! I wanted to ask if you could write a angst/comfort Castiel x Winchester!Reader (She's she older sister🥹). Where basically the reader is hunting nonstop to try to vent her anger and Castiel is trying to make her get a break or smth? (Make them cuddle please <3!!)

And I'm so happy to see an active supernatural account omgg‼️❤️‍🩹 (And sorry if it's difficult to understand my request, English is not my first language and it's a little confusing for me </3)

Numb- Castiel x Winchester!Reader

A/N- HI ANON! Thanks so much for being my first ever request! I hope I did this ask justice. Thank you so much for reaching out, feel free to let me know what you think (and don't worry, your English is fantastic!) <3 Summary- Reader is Sam and Dean’s older sister. After a series of unfortunate events, she finds herself separating from her brothers to deal with her own shit the only way she knows how. Castiel, however, has a few things to say about it.  Warnings: Not a whole lot- less than canon level violence, some angst and hurt. A little bit of Cas love <3 -

It had been a hard few years for your family- let’s face, it, a hard few decades. After watching your brothers go through more trials, more heartbreak, more loss than anyone should ever go through in a lifetime, you were weary. Your sweet brothers, so young when they were thrust into this fight. You all were, of course- you were only 6 when everything changed on that fateful night in Kansas. The three of you had grown immeasurably close over all the years of hunting, and it was always your job to keep a watchful eye over the boys. 

You never could have expected what was to come for your brothers. They had faced so much more than you could’ve ever imagined. You were at their side every step of the way as a fierce protector and frequent caregiver. But Sam and Dean were always the eye of the storm- the chaos of the world circled firmly around the two of them. You were a side character time and time again. And that was okay- you played your role, you did everything you could to support your brothers as they went to hell and back. But when one too many demons started chirping in your ear, taunting that you were useless, that you being there only slowed them down, and when your brothers did a less-than-convincing job of assuring you otherwise, you decided you’d take a step back- get out of their way. 

The only way you could describe the feeling was numb. For nearly as long as you could remember, your whole purpose was to protect Sam and Dean, to do anything for them, to keep them safe. And now, you were cast aside, left without a role to play in their big fight. 

It took about a month for you to find your groove. At first you were lost, dodging calls from your brothers, holing up in dingy motels and dirty bars, unsure of what to do with yourself. That was until you heard of a case in the town over from where you were staying- a vamp nest that had been picking at the local population. So, armored only with your own recklessness and loss of purpose, you went in swinging, taking down the nest without so much as a scratch. That was the first time the numbness subsided long enough for you to feel anything. The pure unbridled hatred that coursed through your veins in that moment was the fuel that had been carrying your broken body for nearly six months now. 

Case after case after case. Hauntings and demons and vamps, a shifter, a werewolf or two. You had slashed through every adversary you could track down, careening down the coast and leaving a path of supernatural destruction in your wake. There was no time for breaks, and no need for them. If you let yourself sit with your thoughts for too long, there was no telling what you would do. 

Most recently, you had tracked down a demon with a particularly smart mouth. After being thrown around like a ragdoll and acquiring your fair share of bumps and bruises, you had trapped the demon and begun to exorcise him- but not before he could start talking. 

“Little brothers are lost without you, you know.” The demon gazed down upon you, flashing black eyes and a spreading grin. His tone was taunting, spiteful, designed to confuse and disorient you.

“You shut your goddamn mouth,” you retorted, dousing him in holy water. “You don’t know my brothers.” The latter half of your sentence came out as a whisper, and it was unlikely he had heard you over the sounds of his own screams. 

With the demon exorcised and thus the hunt complete, you soldiered back to your motel room for another night of restless sleep. The anger from the mention of your brothers was still coursing deeply inside of you. Were Sam and Dean really lost without you? Was the demon just saying that so you’d go home and get in their way again? Along with the deep gash that lined your left side and the likely dislocated shoulder, your body also carried with it a confusion and weariness you hadn’t felt since striking out on your own. Yet again, you were letting demons get into your head. 

Arriving at the motel, you unlocked the door and flicked on the buzzing fluorescent light to see a figure standing with their back turned from you. The presence felt deeply comforting and familiar, yet you still drew your gun in anticipation of attack.

“They’re looking for you, you know.” The low, gravelly voice rumbled, traveling slowly across the room as he turned to face you. Castiel. 

Your response was stalled as you processed his arrival. 

“I doubt it, Cas. It’s better to be out of their way. And you know it too.”

“You don’t understand, they were just trying to protect you, but it was not-”

“That’s MY JOB, Castiel. I protect THEM!” Your outburst took the angel slightly aback, drawing a look of concern to his face that you weren’t sure you had seen before. Still, you continued. “But if they don’t want me there to save the world with them, that’s fine. I’m still going to take out every other goddamn thing I can find in the meantime, to protect them the only other way I can.” 

“Y/N. Who protects you? What good do you do to anybody if you’re dead?” Castiel seemed desperate, growing heated in a way that felt out of his nature. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you protested as you cast your gaze away from him.

“Y/N, I have been watching you. I have been here with you many more times than you have realized. But you were too blinded by your own rage and hurt to see. I have done everything I could to protect you for this whole rampage, but this time I could not, and you got hurt.” The angel closed the gap between you as he spoke, grasping a hand around your arm and letting his grace seep into the wound. His proximity was close, and his grip was tight- it felt like he was holding on to you for fear of what would happen if he let you go. You felt the warmth of healing radiate through your extremities, and though it probably wasn’t from the grace, you could feel the comfort reach your heart.  

Your numbness had shifted. Before, it had always been cold and empty, sharp in a way. It was a numbness that begged to be filled, to be pushed away and stifled. But now, with Castiel’s presence, numb felt soft and warm. It relaxed your entire body and relieved you of tension stretching back further than you were even sure of. 

“Y/N, it is time to rest. You have been a soldier since you were only a child. You must let yourself be. You need to come home.”

This was a softer Castiel than you had come to know before you left. It was still Cas, of course- everything you had always loved so dearly about him, but he felt much more human. The concern in his eyes, the poignancy of his words, the way he so clearly loved and cared for you enough to watch over and protect you for months, all while dealing with his own world of problems. 

And he was right. You had run for too long, drowned out your problems and destroyed yourself in the process. All of the exhaustion, aches and pains seeped into you at once. There was nothing left in you to protest. 

“Okay,” you succumbed. “I’ll rest.”

“I’m glad. You can let me know if you need anything. I will listen in. Perhaps I can bring you home tomorrow, after you sleep.” Cas stepped back, getting ready to blip away, when you used the last bit energy in your system to reach back out to him.

“Wait.” You knew what you needed from him, but you were scared to ask. The room stood painfully still, Castiel’s blue eyes locking with yours in confusion, his gaze as intense as ever. 

“Will you please stay?” 

The broken whisper of your voice left nothing for you to hide. You had crumbled right in front of Cas’s eyes. Something inside him hurt, a sharp feeling in his stomach he hadn’t yet felt before. 

“Yes. I will stay,” he nodded with a deeply furrowed brow. 

So the two of you climbed into the motel bed, Cas hesitating but following your lead. Once you both had settled, he found himself melting into your touch. It felt much more natural than he ever would have thought. He had propped himself slightly upright, while your head met his chest and a leg wrapped one of his. His arm draped over you, rubbing gentle circles into your back, keeping time with the rhythmic heave of your breathing. It was peaceful, he had to admit. He understood why humans did this. 

Your own thoughts echoed that same satisfaction. Though there had been a guardian angel watching over you all along, you could finally rest now that you could feel his presence. It didn’t take long for you to drift off- the chance to just lay with Cas lulled you to sleep much faster than you had ever anticipated. As you slept, your grip around the angel tightened from time to time- like you subconsciously feared he would be gone when you woke up. 

Thankfully, Cas wasn’t going anywhere. It was about time someone was there to protect you.

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

what are your thoughts on samruby?

thank you for sending this! and OH BOY i wrote a lot. i'm so sorry. i'm putting it under a cut for everyone's sanity.

see, the thing about samruby to me is the religiosity of it all. it's about a victim unknowingly initiated into a cult. it's about a holy lamb being raised for slaughter.

firstly i can't discuss it without spilling my guts over ruby as a character!! i saw a meta the other day (and i wish i'd reblogged it bc i can't find it again) calling ruby the most devout character in supernatural. and they're right! she is! her arc is about devotion and keeping faith. she's a direct narrative foil to cas, who falls down the path of doubt and experiences a crisis of faith. For ruby, her god is lucifer, and she'll accept all persecution and undergo every trial she has to in order to fulfil her mission as his servant. and she does! she succeeds up to her death! (whereas cas fails, and lives)

she doesn't see grooming and manipulating sam as an act of corruption. it's about purification. (and we all know how sam feels about purity, aha) for ruby, the demon blood drinking is a matter of cleansing sam of human imperfection, for the purposes of presenting lucifer his ideal vessel. because the thing about sam is that he's a liminal figure. he's as human as he is monstrous - and from a demonic perspective, wouldn't his humanness be considered the infection?

the way ruby preys on sam also has a definite maternal tilt to it. from as early as s3 (like the way she says 'that's my boy!' to him in 3x04? like dean does in 1x11?). she calls him 'sammy' in a way that mirrors dean, but also evokes maternal warmth. just as dean in season 1 functions as a protector and guide for sam when he brings him back into the hunting fold, ruby does so for sam in dean's absence. sam's grief and vulnerability presents her an opportunity to take on the role of carer and mentor. she'll teach him how to use his powers! she'll guide him in what he needs to do, while he's so lost in his own suffering. sure she provides warmth and affection - but more importantly, she directs sam towards a mission, a cause for good.

she's an incredible character to pair off with sam, a character full of hope and belief that his faith might amount to something (i'm thinking of the start of s11 here - sam desperate to believe his prayers are being answered by god. only to discover it was lucifer all along) he wants to be like joan of arc - he wants the voice of heaven commanding and guiding him along a path of heroism. it's his hope and faith that make him vulnerable.

ruby takes on sam like she's a cult recruiter preying on a victim! like if you go through the stages of cult indoctrination: deception (check! she tricks him into breaking the final seal by killing lilith!), isolation (check! sam having to keep his activities w ruby a secret, driving a wedge between him and dean, eventuating in their separation), induced dependency (check! a blood addiction!). by the end of it, he's left abandoned by his loved ones, alone and entirely reliant on her and the purpose she's given him.

but luckily - sam is a character who hates being controlled above all else, so he does not have his Midsommar (2019) May Queen moment. even when he does let lucifer in, he does so as a sleeper agent. he holds onto his independent spirit to the end :")

tldr; ruby loves sam as a devotee loves their holy mission. sam begrudgingly accepts ruby, not as the divine guidance he wants, but the only one that'll speak to him.

[beardedmrbean]

A Black Harvard law professor has been accused of tweeting, then deleting, the word "Karma" in an apparent response to Claudine Gay announcing her resignation as president of the university following accusations of plagiarism and a row over campus antisemitism.

The post was allegedly made on X, formerly Twitter, by Professor Ronald Sullivan Jr., who in 2019 was effectively demoted after serving as part of Harvey Weinstein's defense team when the disgraced film producer was facing sexual assault allegations.

Political commentator Wesley Yang shared what he claimed was a screenshot of Gay's post, adding: "Ronald Sullivan deleted this one word post written in response to former Harvard president Claudine Gay's resignation: 'Karma.'"

Newsweek could not immediately verify the veracity of the screenshot's content or that the tweet was directly related to Gay's resignation.

Newsweek has reached out to Sullivan and Harvard University for comment via email.

Sullivan's decision to represent Weinstein sparked a furious response from some students, after which Harvard decided not to extend his contract as an undergraduate residence faculty dean. According to student-run newspaper The Harvard Crimson, Gay, then dean of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, was one of those involved in the decision.

Gay announced she was stepping down as Harvard president on January 2, with a letter in which she claimed it was "in the best interests" of the university for her to resign after facing what she described as "personal attacks and threats fueled by racial animus."

It came amid an ongoing row over free speech and bigotry on campuses, which had already claimed the job of Liz Magill, who resigned as president of Pennsylvania University last month following a controversial House committee appearance alongside Gay and Sally Kornbluth, president of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Sullivan faced protests on campus after The New York Post first reported he had joined Weinstein's defense team in January 2019, with demonstrators demanding he step down as faculty dean and for a public apology be issued.

Weinstein was later convicted of rape and sexual assault in the New York trial and sentenced to 23 years in prison. He was subsequently sentenced to an additional 16 years in prison by a court in Los Angeles in a separate case.

In response to the controversy, Sullivan sent a 1,200-word email to students at Winthrop, then his undergraduate faculty residence, stressing the importance of representing an "unpopular defendant."

In an interview with The Harvard CrimsonGay branded Sullivan's response to the row as "insufficient," and months later it was announced his position as Winthrop faculty dean would not be renewed.

Within hours of Hamas's October 7 attack on Israel, which resulted in around 1,200 people killed and another 240 taken into Gaza as hostages, 34 Harvard student organizations signed a statement written by the university's Undergraduate Palestine Solidarity Committee stating they "hold the Israeli regime entirely responsible for all unfolding violence."

The move triggered a furious response from the university's Jewish center Harvard Hillel, which said the statement promoted "hatred and antisemitism."

Appearing before a House committee in December, alongside Magill and Kornbluth, Gay was asked whether "calling for the genocide of Jews violates Harvard code of conduct" by Rep. Elise Stefanik.

She replied "it depends on the context," sparking outrage and calls for her to resign. Speaking to The Harvard Crimson, Gay later apologized for her remarks, and said: "Calls for violence or genocide against the Jewish community, or any religious or ethnic group, are vile, they have no place at Harvard."

In December it was revealed Gay was facing an anonymous complaint of serial plagiarism, with additional allegations published by the Washington Free Beacon in January.

She initially denied any wrongdoing in response, stating: "I stand by the integrity of my scholarship." However, The New York Times reported that a Harvard investigation concluded there were cases of inadequate citation in her dissertation as well as at least two of her articles.

[ladylightning]

thinking about how much better season 8 would have been if sam’s year of domestic bliss was with sarah blake from s1. sam is spiraling after losing dean, cas, and kevin in one fail swoop and has a chance encounter with old flame sarah blake from a past case. she’s recently separated with a young son. their relationship mirrors deanlisa. sam does not have to hide who he is with sarah because she knows what he does, unlike amelia. sarah ultimately breaks it off to give things another go with her husband like in the original amelia storyline.

the rest of s8 is largely the same, but it makes 8x22 clip show more devastating. crowley is killing the people sam and dean had saved, including sarah. sam is devastated and is determined to finish the trials. the curing of crowley is so much more intense as crowley begs sam for forgiveness for killing sarah. sam is unable to complete the trials because he cannot forgive crowley and be truly purified by the trials.

[nancylou444]

November 23, 2013

Anon, you sound young and confused. The young part, I can’t help you with, but I can try to clear up some of your confusion.

Dean is a straight guy

YES HE IS. Dean has said it numerous times. The PTB have said it numerous times. JENSEN has said it numerous times. You cannot change canon. DEAN IS STRAIGHT IN CANON. DEAN IS STRAIGHT IN CANON.

Maybe if it is said enough times, people will finally get the message that DEAN IS STRAIGHT IN CANON.

…disprove Destiel...

Castiel beat Dean twice and Cas threatened to throw him back into Hell.  WHY would he want to have a sexual relationship with someone who abuses him?

Castiel called Sam, the ‘boy with the demon blood’, and an ‘abomination’. WHY would Dean want to have a sexual relationship with someone who says nasty things about his brother?

Castiel was full of himself and got Sam out of the Cage, without a soul and then lied to Dean about not knowing HOW Sam got out of the Cage. THEN continued to lie and spy on Dean and co. that entire year. THEN bought down Sam’s protective Hell Wall, knowing THAT would be the perfect way to get Dean to stand down. Nothing there speaks of ‘love’ to me.

Dean and Castiel end up in Purgatory and instead of telling Dean that he was leaving to ‘protect’ Dean (his later ‘excuse’), Cas just disappeared, leaving Dean to fend for himself. If you ‘love’ someone, you don’t do this shit.

When Naomi told Dean and Cas the truth in regards to the demon’s trial and that Sam would die, Cas tried to convince Dean that she was lying. Dean then told Cas that he needed to get to Sam ‘NOW’. Dean picked Sam over Castiel.

When Ezekiel!Sam told Dean that if Cas stayed in the bunker than Ezekiel (and Sam) would have to leave, Dean told CAS to leave. Dean picked Sam over Castiel AGAIN.

...but you ship Wincest.

Don’t know why WE need to go over this ten times every fucking day?

BROTHERLY Wincest is CANON.

BROTHERLY Wincest is CANON.

BROTHERLY Wincest is CANON.

BROTHERLY Wincest is CANON.

BROTHERLY WINCEST IS CANON.

Nine seasons. 179 episodes of Sam loving Dean and Dean loving Sam.

CANON CANON CANON.

DEAN threatening anybody that hurts Sam with death. Dean selling his soul to get Sam bought back to life. Dean telling Sam:

"Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it — none of it — is true. Listen, man, I know we’ve had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy…come on. I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I’m begging you."

CANON CANON CANON

SAM threatening anybody that hurts Dean. Sam wanting to trade his soul, just to get Dean out of Hell. Sam with tears in his eyes, begs Dean:

"I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. ‘Cause… just ‘cause."

CANON CANON CANON

They shared a Heaven because they are soulmates.

CANON CANON CANON

Most Wincest shippers, like myself, KNOW that Sam and Dean will never kiss and make love on a show that airs on the CW. THAT is why we have fanfic and art for the FANON ship of SEXUAL wincest. WE know the difference between CANON and FANON.

We can separate the BROTHERLY CANON wincest from the SEXUAL FANON wincest.  

Unlike SOME destiel shippers that want to see a sexual relationship between Dean, WHO IS STRAIGHT IN CANON, and Castiel, WHO IS IN THE BODY OF A STRAIGHT MAN AND WHO HAS KISSED AND SLEPT WITH ONLY WOMEN on the show.

SPN is not going to have a romance as the main story. Especially a ‘romance’ between two CANON STRAIGHT men.

…it breaks my heart to see posts like yours.

Why?

Because you feel entitled? Because you are a spoiled child that isn’t getting the toy (canon destiel) that you want, no matter how much you yell and stomp your foot?

Can you please stop?

You’re kidding right? WHY should I stop? Because my OPINION bothers YOU?

THEN GET OFF MY BLOG. Simple as that. You don’t like what I have to say, then go away. Unfollow me. Ignore me. Blacklist me.

Nobody is pointing a gun to your fool head and demanding that you look at Nancy’s Wincest World, OR ELSE.

Grow up.

If I had screenshot this, it would have been hard to read. 

There are very few of my 2013 posts archived, so this was a treasure that I needed to have here. 

Here is the archived post. 

[gayeddie-saved-me]

For "fuck season 9 you know what you did" what was it they did? Because spn has none A LOT

personally s8 and s9 kinda just run together in my head, because most of s8’s plot lines lead right into 9’s. i hate s8 with an intense passion, and a lot of what happens in s9 is too similar to truly separate it. mainly the gadreel plot line, and what happens between sam and dean. it’s a follow up of the trials which are built on the awful s8 sam characterization. the entirety of s8 contradicts itself which leads s9 to do the same, especially since the main point of contention between sam and dean in s9 is gadreel and sam’s insistence that dean betrayed him by saving him. the season ends with dean dying and sam doing exactly what he faulted dean for doing—making the choice to save him no matter the cost (this contradiction continues in s10 too so don’t think s10 is left out of this) idk it’s hard to explain but overall i find the stretch of 8-10 to be incredibly frustrating mainly because it has some half decent plot lines that are ruined by their shitty execution. also the abaddon plot line is boring to me, and dragged on forever. oh and kevin fucking dies and for what??? for their bullshit sam vs dean conflict about doing stupid shit to save each other when sam is the one who started all of this in the first place???? not to mention i don’t enjoy how they handle cas’s plot at ALL. not even just kicking him out of the bunker, but like in general human!cas is just not well written to me. i think they could’ve gone a lot of ways with it and chose like. the most boring ways possible. oh and them bringing back gabriel for one episode only for it to not even be real. stupid ass shit. the funny thing is everyone i know who hates this season hates metatron but i actually don’t mind him as much.

anyway. um. it’s okay if no one agrees with this, i personally don’t enjoy getting into arguments about things that are just my own opinion. i don’t even know if this fully makes sense, i haven’t taken my meds yet m

[bi-lullaby]

I love talking about SPN with you! Tough challenge if you're up for it: rank all 15 seasons from your personal favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed :) Have fun!

Oh dear. What a predicament you’ve put me in!

1. 1 (solid choice, me thinks. The vibes are Unparalleled. Introduced me to the LOML, Dean. Their early dynamics? Figuring out who they are, who the other is, who their family is? ugh. My heart. Also super interesting MootW episodes, charismatic, the cinematography deserves it’s own spot in the list, we feel like the Winchesters: operating from a shadowed world that’s interwoven with ours but also separate)

2. 2 (still the same vibes of the first but also angrier? there’s findings and secrets and an overachieving trama of trauma and family and grief and deep wounds from the past and revenge and worry. love it)

3. 4 (It makes me angry, sad, happy, hopeful, devastated, all of that at once and then more. I feel it’s one of the most fundamental stories to the plot of everything that comes later and it sets what came before against a solid background of the whole angels/demons/apocalypse/vessels/fate narrative, sets up a lot of the lore, it’s just genuinely good and enjoyable. Great television.)

4. 5 (The world is ending and we have no hope to stop it and yet we will? ugh. Also the reconnection of the boys. Fighting so hard for a goal that seems impossible and finding their way back tot he other. I feel this is when Cas becomes more friend than ally, which is lovely. The longing, the grief, the guilt, the horror, the hopeless and yet that doesn’t take away their fight in the end. Also In the End and Dark Side of The Moon are just. Spectacular. This one gets me every time)

5. 3 (so much angst. so much uncertainty. The unknowns. I feel this one isn’t higher only bc I watched already knowing the outcome or most of it in a way, bc I knew Dean would be alive and well for years to come bc I started when spn was further along, but for fans who watched on time? must have been a punch to the stomach).

6. 8 (I hadn’t realized how much I loved season 8 until today lol, lots of annoyances and grievances but still I enjoy and analyze it to death. I love love love Purgatory, the dynamics of the Purgatory Trio, BENNY, Kevin as a bigger character, the animosity between Sam and Dean (srsly, I think all the fics I have written mention/deal with this issue bc I’m just fascinated by both their headspaces in this and how it impacts them going forward. The trials are interesting although I felt they were a bit mishandled, and of course the many fallouts from it.)

7. 9 (same initial comment as season 8 tbh. I feel like early seasons dean is hanging on by a thread to the very end of his rope (trauma, pain, grief, etc etc) but he is hanging in there, ya know? And he wants to fight and he knows his whys. then as the years go on and the losses pile on and the pains and the more and more he’s backed into impossible corners he loses the will to hang on and I think this season is the one where we see in look at that rope and go “and why the fuck am I holding on to this?” and it’s painful and heartbreaking but also makes you cheer him on and wish for him to fet through this. I like the Bunker being a more established home base for them. I enjoy Abbadon and Metraton as antagonists although I do feel they ended up… Underwhelming? Underexplored? And Dean’s is one of my ‘favorite’ deaths the boys had. It’s so impactful and poignant.

8. 12 (I almost put it lower but alas, so many Dean/Dean-Mary dynamics moments I could not. Not the biggest fan of the BMoL but I see where they were going. I think bringing Mary back was a move that could have gone horribly wrong and in a sense I feel like it maybe wasn’t the most thematically consistent? but it allowed for fun explorations of many characters. Also, Regarding Dean is off the charts good.)

9. 6 (ohh the drama. the fallout. the would’ves should’ves could’ves. I have a love-hate relationship with soulless!sam that tends more towards love but overall a great one. I miss Lisa, there, I said it. I loved them together. I wanted them to remain that way. I loved seeing Dean be turned into a vamp, also.)

10. 10 (not much to say. I adore MoC and all about it, but I do wish some things were better handled/had more impact/were more thought out/better shown etc. Overall, great idea, not my favorite execution).

11. 11 (again, love parts, don’t love others so much. I will say, in my “dean lets go of his rope” analogy, this one is where I think he’s slowly starting to climb out of the hole he’s fallen into and see “his whys” more clearly again).

12. 7 (idk why people seem to hate 7 so much? I can’t say it’s supper impacting but it has it’s positives. And Bobby’s death! It’s so impactful, it’s genuinely a mark of splitting eras in my mind.)

13. 14. (Michael!Dean my dearest of dears. You were not here for long enough. Makes me angry and a little bitter but also great moments).

14. 13 (if you put a gun to my head I can’t recall season 13 specifically? felt like a “bridge” season ig, and I just… Don’t enjoy Jack. I know many people do, and you do you, absolutely! But he just felt like a shoehorned in deus ex machina wrapped in Cas’s more cute mannerisms and I just never connected with him or really enjoyed him as part of the family or the themes that followed his appearance).

15. (will never accept, will never like, will never enjoy, the ending is responsible for 97% of the hate for the whole season but tbh the forced “ohh look we’re meeetaaaa! it’s the lasssst sssseassssonnn” in your face level of annoyance didn’t make it all that great either. No but srsly don’t even get me started on the ending. I could spend an hour just incoherently babbling and crying and still not get my dislike across correctly).

This was quite tough, really. Thanks for the brain teaser, dearie!

[sobbingdistantnoises]

There is something about the angry man + nonhuman fella dynamic

It's the process of bridging across the void between entire states of existence. The fact that what is simple and normal and standard to one may break the other's entire worldview, but that's okay because that's just what it's like. Sometimes, it is and will forever be impossible to understand what the other does, thinks, is. But it's possible to try—try to comprehend the impossible, set your mind to imagining what has never existed to you before, to understand. And it can work. There will be times of terrible frustration and something beyond simple culture shock, but there will be also times of acceptance, times of love, times of understanding. And when things are accepted, loved, and understood, the world is a peace.

But just as easily, it can burn to the ground. It can explode to dust so fine the remains cover the ground and can never be truly rid of. The consequences of dismissal are just as grand as the consequences of trial. The gap is too wide—turn back. It's too dangerous—step away. If one half steps back, what does the other do? Follow? There's an untouched similarity in that. Gasoline.

Follow forwards? Approaching a cornered enemy yields retaliation. When a dog wags its tail to signal play, a cat interprets hostile intent. But war is the universal language. Flaming arrows fly across the void where living beings refuse to dare. They light everything ablaze.

Follow backwards? The End is made of many islands. You both travel apart until you each travel into the new voids. Maybe one before the other. But you both fall, separate were you could have been together. And without you, though there is no explosion, the world continues to burn.

Aka tea he, I am contemplating the fundamental differences between the Doomguy+Vega, Gordon+Benrey, and Dean+Cas duos because I have read 4 Destiel fanfics and am thus totally qualified to have thoughts now. It is 3am

[shallowstories]

Dean/Cas should've consummated their weird relationship circa season 14

right after Dean was released from Michael the first time

They're not Official, exactly, as much as seeking comfort and

desperately trying NOT to fall more deeply into this black hole of emotion and hunger

because the intimacy is scary when you FEEL things

but when Jack dies, Cas has to cold shoulder Dean to stamp out any potential for happiness

and all of that, plus all of that, would have made the season 15 trial separation arc so much more painful and easier to execute

[shallowseeker]

eileen is so silly and funny and cool

via @spnscripthunt-inactive

[shallowrambles]

Honestly, I’ve been hesitant to post about Dean and Cas’s trial separation because so many ppl get mad about it, but I’ll be honest now and admit that I loved it! It’s so real and actually points to them being functionally spousal, and I love that, too. (I find it impossible to analyze without it!)

But one thing I’ve been thinking about this morning is Dean’s lack of negotiation in The Trap. Cas laid out his terms, and Dean answered each point in prayer, but Dean only had one: he just wanted Cas to stay.

That’s meager. That’s starvation-level rations.

Now, it’s very likely that their please-communicate-with-me/lies-of-omission discussion came later. After all, they’re way too trusting on the back end of the season.

But maybe also… since Dean has that desire to both protect and be protected by Cas, maybe he decided being protected by Cas was worth the rest.

It’s that irrational, desperate, “You’ll figure it out, right?” that keeps popping up in later seasons for Dean. He wants to be needed. He wants Cas to come to him for support and mutual decision-making, but especially now that they’re more “together,” he irrationally also wants a Superman spouse to take care of and fix everything. Importantly, he doesn’t really demand or expect this. He just longs for it; he can’t help it.

When Cas got the Leviathan blossom on his own, maybe it was so comforting that Dean’s need to be protected by Cas took center-stage for the time being. After all, he’s acquiescing to Cas taking on the Mark in the next scene.

It seems like Dean has come to something of a precipice when it comes to accepting Cas’s protectorship…and he’s tacitly decided to love and accept it for what it is, along with all the baggage that comes with it.

(That sometimes Cas will shield you in a way that tries to protect you too much and causes problems. That he’ll put himself in danger in front of you.)

This is a stark difference to Dean’s unhinged frustration and worry in season 12’s First Blood/Lily Sunder episodes. In season 15’s Despair, it’s, “She’s gonna kill you. And then she’s gonna kill me.”

It shows an acceptance of the dynamic.

[monstermoviedean]

@shallowseeker: #this is poetically and beautifully put #that's grief for you #and tbf i don't think a trial separation was the worst option here #for them to get away from each other and process

@angelsdean: #exactly #and like shal's prev tags. i think ultimately they did need that space from each other to process their grief and realize what mattered #and that they both DID want to fix things with each other #but. the leaving the way he did undoubtedly did not *help* things in the moment for either of them #bc i think cas just comes away from it feeling all the more unwanted when dean doesn't stop him #and dean comes away from it feeling like he's not worth sticking around for (again) #but neither of them were really in a good place to have it go any other way #neither of them were going to say 'hey i think we both need some space to deal with this' #for all that dean does frequently ask for time and space to process things #i don't think he would've ever willingly sent cas *away* #even if that's what they both maybe needed at the time #he would've just kept skirting around cas in the bunker like after cas kills billie #and they keep 'passing each other in the kitchen' #which also wouldn't have been great for either of them #but i think in dean's mind giving him the cold shoulder while cas is still physically THERE would've been preferred than watching cas leave #and then having him out of sight and not knowing if he's OKAY or ALIVE #anyways i'm rambling now but yea #i think in the moment cas was overwhelmed with a lot of loss and just need to Not Be There #but i don't think he thought it through much and after? he was just left feeling more alone

yes to all of this, you both have enormously huge and brilliant brains! of course i hated watching them push each other and watching cas leave, but i think it probably would have been worse if they were stuck together. they both need space, they both need time. neither of them can handle their own feelings right now (not a criticism! just a fact imo). i think this was such a bad convergence of both of their stubbornness and pride and self-worth issues (cas feeling unwanted and dean feeling abandoned), and hanging around each other wouldn't have fixed anything.* i don't think dean wanted cas to leave - but i think both of them were unable to come up with a better option in the moment. and while i don't think cas wanted to leave permanently, i think he may have wanted to leave temporarily. it fits his m.o.

*i'm also assuming sam would have tried to "fix" them / force them to talk to each other. which would not have fixed anything either.

i don't think cas picked a fight with dean so he would have an excuse to leave. i think that's way too far-fetched. but i could see a situation in which cas realizes partway through the rupture argument that he doesn't want to be there. and it's not just because of dean and their fight, but because the bunker is so empty. jack, mary, rowena, everyone who came over from apocalypse world. they're all either dead or gone. it's so quiet, but every turn around every corner brings back a memory of the noise. the life. now there's nothing but death, and he thinks his relationship with dean is dead too. so why stay? what is there to stay for?

maybe cas walked up those stairs and prayed that dean wouldn't try to stop him. maybe he was relieved for a moment when he got outside. until he remembered he was alone again, and for the first time had nowhere - no one - to return to. maybe he left because was hurt, and he was proud, and he was stubborn, and he didn't want to consider his role in this mess. and maybe it was easier for him too. to get away and pretend none of it had ever existed.

[dotthings]

Dean: I’m going to stay in monster hell for months even after I have a way to escape just to find Cas. I prayed to Cas every night. I’m not leaving here without Cas. Cas: I wonder if Dean loves me

Dean: I was so traumatized about losing Cas in Purgatory, my brain made up false memories so I could blame myself rather than dealing with how he pushed me away because he felt he needed to do penance and stay in monster hell.

Cas: Unfortunately I believe my crush on Dean is one-sided. I will nobly pine forever.

Dean: I’m going to yellow crayon Cas down from brainwashing, on my knees to show my love, and tell him how much I love him. The original script draft is going to say “I love you” but it will be changed during filming.

Cas: But does Dean love me?? 

Dean: I’m going to invite Cas out for a cheeseburger date.

Cas: Not now Dean we’re very busy with serious angel business. 

Dean: I’m going to kick a door down, after racing frantically to find Cas across several states, torturing demons, just to get here in time to save him, only to be too late and I’m going to cry out Cas’s name and my voice will shake with emotion and when it turns out he’s okay I’m going to yell at him for scaring me.

Cas: I should probably continue to  repress more, for I am in love with someone who is not in love with me

Dean: Despite being under the influence of a magic curse mark that makes me uncharacteristically violent, I won’t be able to kill Cas, because the love between us is so strong.

Cas: But does he love me...*pines*

Dean: When Cas is under a magic spell that brainwashes him into attacking me I’m going to fend him off without hurting him and when he collapses as he’s freed from the magic spell, I’m going to keep touching him and cradle his face in my hands and stare at him with worry and love and tenderness.

Cas: Love is ineffable, it is enough just to love, even if Dean doesn’t love me back.

Dean: Cas is possessed by Lucifer, this is awful, I’m going to spend half a season on a mission to save Cas, and the divine feminine is literally going to use Cas’s heart to triangulate on my location.

Cas: Oh, the plight of an angel helplessly in love with a human. 

Dean: I’m going to act jealous when Cas’s ex is in town and refuse to give up on him when he’s dying. Again.

Cas: I’m going to tell Dean I love him only when I’m dying so I don’t have to deal with the consequences of my words.

Dean: Here's a mixtape I made, hours of work, of songs from my favorite band of all time, just for Cas, we're better together.

Cas: I wonder if Dean loves me. Here is your mixtape back, Dean. 

Dean: FML

Cas: I am in love with someone I can't have, woe, I think I'll go repress some more and also run away from him because I think I’m doing the right thing and then die. Again.

Dean: I’m going to mourn Cas like a widower. I will yell at God to bring him back. When I get him back another way triggered by the power of my grief and love, I’m going to make him dress up like a cowboy and talk to him about our movie dates.

Cas: I will pine, pine forever, helplessly...

Dean: Cas and I are going to break up like an old married couple having a divorce and I’ll lash out in my hurt because God was messing with my life and I don’t know what’s real any more what if what’s between me and Cas was never real this is the worst thing ever FML.

Cas: Dean no longer cares about me. I’lll just go now.

Dean: I’m going to take Cas’s calls even though I supposedly am done with him and I’m going to accept him back despite our conflicts not being resolved. Then during our return trip in Purgatory I’m going to fall to my knees, praying and crying, because I’m scared I’m going to lose him forever, again.

Cas: Okay I actually heard that. But I don’t know if Dean loves me back.

Dean: I’m going to act like Cas is my husband and I’m so relieved that we reconciled after a trial separation.

Cas: I must save Dean from Death personified, so I’m going to give myself up to the deal I made to save the son we raised together and summon The Empty to take me by fully confessing the immense depth of my love for Dean even though he doesn’t love me back and then die. Again. So I don’t have to deal with the consequences of my words.

Dean: *sobbing on the floor* FML. Cas: Time to remake heaven for Dean, who I shall pine over forever.

***

Fandom: I wonder if Dean is in love with Cas back?