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justwhisperingfantasies · 3 months ago

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Memories Part 3 (final)

Characters: Dean Winchester x Female Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel. Mick Davies. Mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: memory wipe, language, angst, cute dean, fluff, not exactly cannon, light smut (more steamy than smutty) losing people, let me know if I forgot any.

A/N: This is the last chapter of my first-ever fanfic. Go easy on me. Thanks for the likes and the reblogs Enjoy

Summary: You've had your memory wiped and sent off to your death. Sam, Dean, and Cas save you just before it is too late. the guys struggle with being strangers to you after all the years you have shared. You are forced into a life-altering dilemma.

Word count: 5,217 words

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Your heart started racing. Your breath was unsteady. Your hands slowly made their way up his arms up to his neck. You could feel the goosebumps on his skin just from your touch. Staring into those mossy green eyes you tried to fight the urges. But fuck it right. You close your eyes and feel his hand on your face, gently rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “You sure, (y/n)?” he whispers. You don't say a word, you pull his lips into yours. Sparks flew. His lips were silky soft and so full. In this moment you felt the passion, the heat the two of you shared. And that heat turned into hunger. Into need. His tongue grazed your lips asking permission. You parted them granting it. You could taste the lingering whiskey. You felt his hands find their way to your ass. His large hands gripped it as he picked you up. Your legs automatically wrapped around his hips. Your fingertips gripping his back. You could feel him getting harder against you and that made your fire grow even hotter. You wanted him. You needed him. He carried you over to the bed, gently laid you down and you felt his weight follow. He kissed your lips, then trailed over your cheek, then down to your neck, planting soft kisses along the way. “God baby. I missed you so much.” his breath was hot against your skin. You didn't know what to say, it's not like you could say I missed you too. You started to think about the situation. Was this really fair to him? You liked Dean and obviously found him attractive. From the pictures you saw you knew you loved him before everything had happened, but without the memories could you reciprocate the love he had for you at this very minute? Tears started swelling in your eyes and spilled out before you could stop them.

“Hey. Hey.” he stopped everything and started wiping your tears. “What's wrong? “ he slid beside you and pulled you into his arms. “I'm sorry. I should have stopped. I should have… I just got caught up in the moment. I am so sorry.”

“You didn't do anything wrong Dean. I'm sorry.”

“Why the hell would you be sorry?”

Just then there was a knock on the door. “Hey guys,” Castiel called awkwardly through the door.

“Yeah Cas,” Dean yelled with a sigh.

“Sam says he's not reheating the food again.”

Just the mention of food made you realize how hungry you were and your stomach started growling like crazy again.

Dean looked at you with raised eyebrows.

“What do you expect? I haven't eaten all day. The hosts of this place kinda suck. “ you teased.

He chuckled. “Are you sure you're ok? We’re ok?”

“Yes, Dean. I initiated it just as much as you. You didn't do anything wrong.”

“And you did?!” your stomach growled again. “We’ll finish this after you get some food.” you nodded.

He took your hand and led you out of the room.

************************************************************************

“Finally. I’m Hank Marvin over here.” Mick exclaimed. He and Sam were at the set table, waiting.

“Shut up and move over,” Dean told him. Mick did. Dean sat in the middle seat. He looked at you then the empty chair. You went over and sat down. Sam put some food on your plate with the biggest smile on his face. You look up and everyone is staring at you. You knit your brows and raise your chin.

“What?!”

Sam laughed. “Well try it.”

“Can we not start at (y/n) while she eats?” being the center of attention always made you uncomfortable.

Everyone looked off in different directions smiling. Sam put some on his plate and then passed the dish to Cas.

You took a bite. You gave a mmmm as you chewed. Sam looked pleased.

“Sam Winchester. This is freaking amazing!” You said after you swallowed.

“I'm glad you approve.” He said giddily.

You noticed Castiel giving you a strange Look. You raised an eyebrow. He shook his head and started eating. What the hell was that about? You decided you'd question him about it later. You didn't want to ruin the mood.

After everyone was done you started gathering plates. “Thanks, Sam. That was great.”

“No problem. I can get those.”

“Um, no you cooked. I can clean up.”

“I'll help.” Dean offered. As he picked up the plates you couldn't carry.

“Sam, didn't you say you had a book you wanted to show me?” Castiel asked kinda weird and raised his eyebrows a couple of times.

Sam picked up on the hint. “Uh yeah, it's in the library.” He got up and started walking that way.

“Okay,” Cas said as he got up and started following.

“What's going on? Why are you being weird?” Sam asked when they got far enough away.

“Did anyone tell (y/n) your last name?”

“I didn't, but I know she and Dean were looking at some pictures, maybe it came up?”

“or she's remembering stuff on her own and not even realizing it.“Mick walked up to the other side of the table.

“Can that happen?” Sam asked, “Is it bad?”

“ I know when she was at the base she started resisting and asking questions out of nowhere.”

A light bulb went on in Sam's head. “Cas, do you remember when I got my soul back and death put the wall up? I was told not to scratch, but I did and had to go through that whole soul journey thing. Then I remembered everything that happened while in the cage?”

Castiels face lit up. “Yes, maybe it's just like that. Being here and looking at old pictures made her start to scratch. Now things are coming through.”

They both looked at Mick. “ I guess you could describe it as something like that when they do a mind wipe, but I don't think the whole soul journey thing fits.”

“So maybe you can break hers like you did mine.”

“Which way would be easier on her?” Cas asked Mick.

“I'm not really sure. I'm sorry lads I've never been this hands-on in a mind-wiping restoring memories case. And from what I've read nobody has ever scratched at the wall before.” He used air quotes while saying the metaphor. “I don't think either way is gonna be that easy on her though. Remembering all the bad shit at once is gonna be hard regardless.”

“I guess we'll just talk to her and see what she wants.”

“Dean seems to think she might not even want them back at all.,” Sam confessed.

“I've already had this conversation with her. She definitely wants them back.”

************************************************************************

You start the dishwater as Dean brings the rest of the dirty dishes over. “I'll wash and rinse if you want to dry and put away?” You ask him.

“Whatever you want princess.” he smiled. “ You wanna tell me why you seem to think you did something wrong?”

“Not really”

“You agreed.” you turned the water off and kept your eyes down.

You took a deep breath and explained to him what was going on in your head. “ But when I get my memories back it will be better. I can love you the way you love me.”

“I ain't worried about me right now.”

“Well I am Pookie so get over it.”

“What the hell did you just call me?”

“What Pookie?” you chuckled “I was trying to annoy you enough to distract you from the conversation.” He stared at you with bewilderment. “Did it work?” you asked slowly. He turned and walked out without a word. You stood there dumbfounded. “Really Dean? it was just a joke..” You yelled and you were a little mad now. You followed him into the library.

“Sam!”

“What's wrong?” Sam asked in dismay.

“She just called me Pookie. She said she was trying to annoy me.”

Sam looked at you. Then his face lit up and you swear the corners of his mouth were touching his ears.

“Um, does anyone wanna fill me in?” you asked.

Dean laughed. “ You used to call me Pookie all the damn time. At first, it was to annoy me. And oh did it annoy me. Then it just kinda stuck.”

“Question,” Sam said, turning to Dean. “Did you tell (y/n) our last name at all?”

“No. I don't think so.”

“So she is remembering things.” Castiel chimed in.

“Hello?! I'm the one everyone is talking about. Can we pretend like I have a right to be in the conversation?”

“ Sorry (y/n)” Sam apologized. He explained everything about getting his soul back, the wall, scratching it, and how Cas broke it. “ although I don't know if will be exactly like my experience. I lost my soul. I think the British men Of letters just put a blocker of some sort on your memories.”

“Yes it's something like that, I do think it's gonna be hard for you to remember all the bad stuff at once, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as Sam's experience.”

“But won't she remember the good stuff too? Won’t it kinda balance out?” Dean asked.

“Like I explained to your brother and Cas. I've never been this hands-on on a case like this before. So I'm not entirely sure how all this is gonna work. If she would rather Castiel break the wall.” Mick used air quotes again. “ We can try it. Or we can try sending someone in her brain. It's up To you love.”

Everyone turned to you. “Um..” You didn't know what to say. You wanted your memories back, but The idea of sending someone into your brain freaked you out.

“We could try to read more about it.” Sam offered.

“I don't think there's much to read on it, Sam.” Castiel chimed in again. “I mean yes on the Men of Letters way, but we still wouldn't be able to compare the two”

“Well if we do it their way at least someone would be there to help her,” Dean said.

“That's a good point,” Cas said.

“Cas Just break it.” Everyone turned to you. “Seriously I'm tired of talking about it and the idea of sending someone into my mind freaks me the Fuck out.”

“(Y/n) You sure?” Castiel asked you.

“Yep. Let's do it.”

Cas walked up to you and started to lift His hand.

“Wait you're just gonna do it right here, right now?” Dean was kind of bummed you didn't want his help, but he understood and respected your privacy. He turned to you. “ when Sam’s broke he passed out. I think you should lie or at least sit down just in case. Cas takes her upstairs. Either her room or the cave.”

“But Dean… “ Sam started to argue

“Cas will yell if he needs us, Sammy. She doesn't need to be stared at while going through this.”

Aw, my hero you thought. You kissed him on the cheek. Then you and Cas walked out.

“I think she will be fine. Maybe depressed for a day or two, but she's tough and I really don't think it's gonna be the same as Sam's experience.” Mick encouraged them.

“Yeah. I know.” Dean said.

************************************************************************

Castiel stopped in front of the hallway leading to your room. “ Where do you want to do this (y/n)?”

“I don't care. I just wana get this over with Cas.”

He continued down the hallway. “The couch Dean put in the cave is ridiculously comfy.”

“Awesome,” you said in a sarcastic tone.

“Don't be scared.”

“Easier said than done, buddy,”

“I know, but if I truly thought you were going to not be okay after I wouldn't have agreed to do this.

You guys made it to the cave. There was a big TV on the wall, a huge couch, and a bar in the corner. Simple but it had a cozy feel to it. You plumped down on the couch. “Oh wow, this is super comfy.”

“Well, I told you.” He paused and sat beside you. “ Are you ready for this?”

“Yes.”

“I suggest trying to focus on the good memories. It might make it easier.”

“Okay”

You were nervous, but you trusted these guys 100% you knew they loved and cared for you.

“3�� 2… 1…” You felt his fingers on your forehead.

There was a heat coming off of them, but it wasn't physically painful though. Then all of a sudden memories just started flashing in your mind.

Your first date with Dean, you guys were 16. He packed a picnic basket of your favorite takeout. After eating, you spent the rest of the night cuddled up talking, laughing, and star-gazing by the lake. Aw the lake, so many firsts there, first date, first kiss, losing your virginities in the back of the impala. It became our spot and your favorite spot in the world, Right down the road from Bobby’s.

Oh, Bobby Singer. You knew him your whole life. He was your non-biological father. The tears started falling. The love you have for that man is unfathomable. He taught you everything you knew about hunting and life. He was there for you when you had no one. He helped you through so much. He would always look after you when your mom went on a hunt. He went through all the steps to legally adopt you when she was killed.

Your mother. So strong so independent. The only person you ever saw her lea on was Bobby. Everyone is always saying you are just like her. She was your rock. Your safe space. Taken from you at such a young age. You begged her to take you with her on her last hunt. She was hunting a rugaru in Oregon and said you weren’t ready yet. Maybe she was right. You were only 14 at the time. But maybe you could have helped. Maybe you could have saved her. It killed you that you would never know. You openly sobbed now.

You heard Castiel's voice. “Think of a good memory.” Good memory. Good memory you thought. It was the first time Dean told you he loved you. It was after your first hunt together. You were 19 and it was the first time you got fatally hurt. He was sitting beside your hospital bed and thought you were asleep. “You can't leave me, I love you.” That was his exact words. 10 years later he finally openly said it to you. After all the years you had spent apart and after he came back from hell.

You thought about the time you spent apart. You guys were 22. Dean was always on the road with John. Who didn't really think Dean should be tied down. “You have a job to do Son, and being that involved with someone could cloud your decision-making. Not to mention if anything happened to either of you. A hunter’s life doesn't have a place for spouses” You could hear John’s voice in your head. Maybe his dad finally brainwashed him. Maybe he didn't have Sam telling him to hold on anymore. Maybe he was just young and didn't want to be tied down. Maybe it was the look in your eye every time he left that made him break things off. Doesn't matter the reason it still broke your heart.

Bobby’s place held too many painful memories. You need a clean slate. You needed someplace new with no memories of Dean Winchester.

So Bobby called his friend in New England. She owned a hunter bar. He asked her if she needed someone to help out and hunt if need be. Ellen took you in with open arms. She became your aunt figure almost instantly. You would do anything she asked of you and more. The roadhouse became your second favorite spot. Flashes of you helping at the bar, Ash teaching you most of his computer skills, and knocking Jo down a peg on Big Game Hunter after she'd been hustling the guys all day. Jo was like your little sister. Although you guys didn't really get along at first, after about a year you guys were inseparable. She would always get so pissed when you went on a hunt. Ellen tried, but hunting was in your blood. You didn't stray too far away from the bar and since you had met Blake you never went alone. Blake was your unofficial boyfriend and hunting partner. You had a love for Blake, but nobody else would ever have your heart the way Dean did. You and Blake were together for about 3 years. You guys got into a fight and he went hunting alone. He never made it back.

Your mother, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Blake. They were your family. They all held such a special place in your heart. And they were gone.

Your heartbeat became rapid. Your breaths were shallow and painful. You felt like you were going to pass out. You instinctively pulled your knees up and put your head between them hugging your lower legs. With the quick movement you fell over into Castiel’s Lap. he wrapped his arms around you while you openly sobbed.

************************************************************************

Dean was drumming his fingers on the table. “Dude. Stop. Like you said Cas will yell if something is wrong.” Sam said annoyed while on his laptop.

“Yea. I can still worry though. Whatcha lookin' for over there?”

“Well, Jody called. She said there might be a case a couple of counties over from Sioux Falls. I was just looking into it.”

“Is it anything?”

“There are some signs of a ghoul.”

“You guys really aren't considering going on a hunt right now?!” Mick said as held two beers out for the boys. They reached up for them. They both nodded thanks as they took them.

“ Of course not. I talked to Garth last night he's up in that area. He told me if I found anything interesting let him know and he’d check it out.”

Dean pulled out his phone. He needed something to distract him, but before he could stop it he was texting Cas. How’s it going up there? He paused before he hit send and then deleted the message. He wanted to give you space and give Cas time to help you. He put his phone down on the table and started drumming his fingers again. Sam cleared his throat annoyed again.

“Yeah I’ll go find something to do,” he said as he stood up grabbing his beer and phone. He found himself wandering towards the garage. He flipped The lights on as he walked in. There was a car covered by a tarp that caught his eye. “Ah, perfect.” With everything That happened this project has slipped his mind. He walked over to the system that you had installed. He plugged his phone in and tapped Shuffle On the Playlist you made with him. Panama your favorite Van Halen song starts to play. He can't help But smile. He sings to himself as he walks over and pulls The tarp away. Revealing a 1971 Chevelle. It's a total mess. Rust everywhere, mismatched body pieces, vines growing in places, and broken windows. This was gonna be a big job, but he knew the look on your face when it was done would be worth it. He continued to sing and got to work.

************************************************************************

You finally managed to stop crying, but just laid there, you didn’t know for how long. You had a pounding headache, and your eyes were swollen and sore. Castiel lightened his hold.

“(y/u) do you need anything?”

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?”

You shook your head again.

He tightened his arms again and then let go. He walked over to the mini fridge behind the bar and brought a bottle of water back over to you “ You should drink some.”

“I'm fine.” your voice cracked.

“Please.” he pleaded.

Damnit. You couldn't say no when he said please like That. With a heavy sigh, you sat up, took the water, and put it up to your lips. As it hit your throat you realized how thirsty you were and before you knew it the bottle was empty.

“ Well you didn't have to drink it all in one go, but thank you,” Cas said with a smile.

“You bet.” You raised your hands to your hand. God your head felt like it would explode. Castiel put his palm on the top of your head and suddenly the pain was gone.

“Thank you.” You said looking up at him. He opened his mouth but you cut him off. “ For everything Cas. You have always been there for me and You have saved me more times than I can count. I don't know what I would do without you. And not I'm Not just Talking about your angel healing powers.”

His eyes got a little misty. “ (y/n) You're welcome. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without you either. I will always be there for you.”

You stood up a Little shaky And wrapped your arms around him. He reciprocated the hug.

“You ok?” He asked pulling You back to look at you.

“I'm not 100%, but I'll get there.” you smiled and he smiled back. “Well, we should probably go check on the boys.” You squeezed him one more time and released him.

You both headed for the door.

“So.” Cas sat walking down the hall.”Can I hear one of those good memories?”

“Do you remember when we hunted down that Djinn? Just you and me.”

He chuckled. “I think that was my second or third hunt. Although I think you did most of the hunting. I was just there for moral support.

“Yeah. You were pretty terrible.” you both chuckled “ But I think that's when you and I became best friends. So it's one of my favorites” You saw his cheeks get pink and he smiled.

You stopped in the hallway leading to your Bedroom. “I'm gonna freshen up real fast.”

“Don't you want me to wait for you?”

“No, You don't have to. I'll just be a minute.” He gave you a questioning look. “Cas I'm good I swear.”

And you really were. Yes, you still felt the sadness, but you felt better than you had in months.

“OK. Yell if you need anything.” He said as he started to walk away.

You nodded and made your way to your bedroom. The room is even more heartwarming than when you entered it the other day. All the great memories in this room made most of the sadness slip away. You made sure not to look at the dresser, it was too soon for pictures. You went into the bathroom. You weren't planning on taking a shower, but it sounded too good to say no.

************************************************************************

Castiel made his way into the library. Sam and Mick were sitting at the first table. They both looked up. Sam was on the phone. He nodded when he saw Cas. “Yeah, Garth. I think there’s something there. If you could just take a look for me.” “I'm not sure. Cas just walked in now. I'll call you back as soon as we find out everything.” “Thanks, I will.” he tapped the phone and put it on the table.

“So?” Sam asked as you looked up at Cas.

“It was pretty rough. I've never seen (y/n) cry like that before, but she seems to be doing better. She's upstairs freshening up right now. I think she will be okay.”

Sam sighed in relief. “Good. So she remembers everything?”

“Yes. Everything.” Cas confirmed.

“Good, good,” Mick said.

Castiel said down with a heavy sigh.

“You okay Cas?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, just hated seeing her in pain and there was literally nothing I could do.”

“I'm sure you helped her more than you know.” Sam comforted him.

Cas looked around the room. “Where’s Dean?”

“Oh, Ringo Starr was getting on Sam’s nerves. So he kicked Dean out of the library.” Mick said chuckling

Cas and Sam both laughed.

************************************************************************

Dean was working away. He had cleaned all the vines and guck off. Now he was working on buffing off the rust. His text tone went off on the loudspeakers. He dropped what he was doing and hurried to his phone.

Cas: Where are you?

He couldn’t help but panic a little.

Dean: What's wrong? Is (y/n) okay?

Cas: Calm down she’s fine. Where are you?

Dean: Garage.

He hurried back over to the car to cover it. He didn't want you to see it until it was done.

Dean was disappointed when Castiel walked in alone.

Cas could see it on his face “ She went upstairs to refresh. She’s really going to be okay Dean.” he reassured him.

Dean's face eased with relief. “Does she remember everything?”

“Yes.”

“Good!”

Castiel looked down at Dean’s coveralls they were filthy and then around the room “ What are you working on?”

“You can’t say anything. Promis me Cas.”

“Okay?”

They walked over to the tarp-covered car. Castiel’s eyes went wide when Dean peeled back the tarp.

“Is that Bobby’s old Chevelle?”

“ She sure is,” Dean exclaimed very proud of himself.

“How did you?”

“Well couple of years back Sammy and I saw it at his old place. I went back a couple of days later, borrowed a tow truck, and stashed it at Jody’s for a while. I wanted to wait until I had time to work on it before bringing it here. With all madness that we were going through I kinda forgot about it. 4 months ago Jody called me and told me she needed her barn back. I brought it here. With (y/n) missing, the only thing I could think about was finding her. So the Chevelle kinda slipped my mind again. I was getting on Sammy’s nerves earlier so I came here to find something to do. Kinda perfect I thought.”

“Dean. She’s really going to love it!”

Dean smiled. “I know! I still have a lot to do. It's going to be a complete restore.”

“But it will be worth it.”

“Absolutely!”

“So how is she?”

Castiel explained everything while Dean got cleaned up. “Well, I'm glad she’s home with her memories back. I just hate she had to go through it all again.” Cas agreed with a nod and they walked towards to door. Dean stopped. “I gotta grab something. I’ll catch up.” Cas continued walking.

Dean grabbed an item out of the Impala and headed toward the library.

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You felt so much more relaxed after your scorching hot shower. The memories you had in it didn't hurt either. You dried off as you made your way to the closet. You found your favorite pair of jeans and your favorite v-neck back t-shirt. You finished drying and then got dressed. You went into the bathroom and squeezed your hair with a towel. You put some mouse in your hand flipped your head down and scrunched your hair. When you got just the right curl you flipped your head back up. Your eyes went to the small hook where your necklace should be. It wasn't there. It had been a long time, but you're pretty sure you left in the same place you always did before a hunt. So you slipped your boots on and headed for the garage.

You made it to the bottom of the stairs. You swirled around to the garage and looked up.

There he was. The man that had your heart. Your whole body froze and your knees went weak. Butterflies dancing in your stomach. His spikey short brown hair. His face beaming with the biggest smile you've ever seen on his face. The scruff on the lower half. He usually didn't let his facial hair grow out, but damn did it look good on him. Hell, everything looked good on him. He had the dark green henley on that you bought him. Clingy to his broad shoulders and muscular upper body. The jeans he had on snugging his hips just right. You took it all in. he took a step and you did the same your steps turning into a sprint the closer you got. His arms opened and you jumped into his embrace. Your lips were on his instantly. Your legs and arms are already wrapped around him. You realized you had been wrong about your favorite spot. Though you loved the lake nothing could ever compare to being in Dean’s arms. You put everything into that kiss. All the love and passion you have ever felt for him. And you could feel him doing the same.

He turned and took a couple of steps. You felt the wall on your back. You unwrapped your legs and your feet found the floor. You felt one of his hands on your neck while the other was supporting his weight above your head. He rested his forehead on yours. Your lips were still so close you could feel his rapid breaths on yours.

“Baby.. “ he tried to say but you cut him off.

“I know..” you knew he was going to say how much he missed you, but you didn't need to hear it. You already felt it. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in for a hug and his face found the crook of your neck. Your arms around his neck and head on his shoulder. He hugged hard once then pulled back some so he could see your face, your arms still around each other.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better now.”

He smiled. “Seriously?”

“Dean seriously. Yes, a lot of bad shit happened. Yes, it still hurts. But when I'm with you it hurts a lot less.” he smiled. “ and while we on on his subject. If you pull the shit of me being better off without you, or putting me in harm's way thing again I'm going to.” he cut you off with a kiss. It was short and sweet. But every kiss of Dean’s was great.

“I got it,” he said chuckling. He turned to walk away and put his hand out for you.

“I gotta grab something outta the Impala real fast.” you turned to walk into the garage. He caught your arm and spun you back around. He pulled the chain with 2 wedding rings on it out of his pocket. You couldn't help but smile. Then pulled a single band out of his other pocket and put it on the chain with the other 2.

“I think my mom would be elated to know her wedding ring is beside Karen’s and your mother’s.” He gestured to put it on. You grabbed your hair out of the way as you turned. “ around the neck of his oldest son’s true love.” your eyes watered. You turned around and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you. I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too baby, I'm so happy you’re back.”

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