#deaf church

[darlingghoulette]

Steve always gets his devil horns wrong. 

He keeps his thumb out and does the ‘I love you” sign on accident and Eddie never calls him out on it. He even threatens the others under pain of death (their dnd character’s death) to never correct him.

It’s so fucking adorable to see Steve at the edge of the stage, right up front, throwing up an ‘I love you’ at a Corroded Coffin show. Eddie sometimes can’t stand how wrapped around this man’s finger he is. 

[ectonurites]

tom taylor is so fucking annoying and im tired of anyone pretending he’s not

[newbornwhumperfly]

not light from some dead star...

oh, i do love denial and the suffering it brings....😈😈😈 i chose to write my poor sweet vampire girl, ardiñipén, for this @whumpmasinjuly prompt - day 24: denial - because you know i gotta starve my hungry vampire...🥺🥺🥺

CW: religious trauma, religious abuse, imprisonment, aftermath of torture, self-loathing

title insp. by the poem "it began right here" by the poet danez smith - "for a second i was unhaunted. i was the sun, not light from some dead star."

~

Under the church, Father keeps no light. 

For her, the darkness is now blessed. Was blessed. Light burns, points its long white fingers through bars at her and all the ways she is wrong and twisted and needs to be hit.

But too much eating and drinking can make you vomit and it has been so long down here in the dark. 

Where here hands are clutched against her chest, her nails are jagged, splintered, by scrabbling at the stone. At the cuffs - iron, thank Father - when panic choked and swelled and vomited out of her. 

Forty days and forty nights. 

Teach you a lesson about your selfishness. 

Her mind wanders, in the desert of the cellar, the pitch-yawning-mouth that is a site of fasting, fasting, take up your cross and burn on it.

She can survive without eating. 

She knows she can survive without eating - she cannot die. Resurrection. The body of Christ is ash in her mouth and his blood does not feed her. 

Cannot stop retching out bread, wine, cannot stop spitting out blessing, gagging on his benediction.

The monster in her that thirsts like a sucking wound is the same monster that will keep her alive. 

She has gone forty days and forty nights in the desert. The is the devil, red teeth, offerijg and offering. Father is not the devil. He is not a devil, he is good and clean, but she…she is so hungry. 

Down here, curled against the wall, a circle of limbs clutching eachother, cold seeps up into her skin - the relief of the chill to the tender heat of her welts, the ones that seep and ooze and stink but never close, now gone. Now, it is just an ache rattling around inside her flesh.

Sinful flesh. 

Cold is better than heat. 

This is what it will feel like in hell, creature. 

Ardiñipén flinches, the clink of chains rattling in the quiet as he arms curl tighter over her own head. 

There is no sunlight. No silver. No fire. 

No fire.

Of course being cold is- is better than burning. Always better than burning. Cold blinks down her cheek, smells a rotting smell, the bank of a dried ocean, as red streaks down her cheek and her numb fingertips catch it, suck it off her fingertips anyway. 

Turn stones into bread. 

She doesn’t need bread. Stupid beast. Hungry sinner. She doesn’t live by bread anyway. 

She can live off the mouth of God, can’t she? She can chew those bones open and suck the meat out. Man doesn’t live by bread. Not just. 

Is it a kind of holiness to not need bread?

Maybe this is the purification Father talks about. Surviving just on words. On love. On His love and his love. 

She has lived a long, long time without love. She has lived a long time without eating. She can live a little longer, a lot longer, not having it. 

The nubs of her tooth prick deep into her thumb, the fingers in her mouth, sucking at the salt, and the shadow of a bite shudders through her. 

So greedy you would feast on your own self. 

The last- last time Father saw her bite her own wrist, she was punished for having a fit. She whines in memory, shuddering against the wall tighter, flinching into the solid corner that is almost an embrace. Not a stretch of pure floor she doesn’t have to worry about ruining, doesn’t have to crunch up small to keep from scorching in its beauty. 

She doesn’t want to be alone here again. 

She wants Father.

She can use this time to be good. 

To learn. 

A little time away is good for her. Denial is- is a good lesson, long and quiet and so, so dark to think about what she’s done. The bread of the word should not make her vomit. 

If she wants Father to come get her, she has to be good.

The creak of the door startles a sharp, high whimper from her, startling hard as her skull smacks against the wall and she curls herself small, humble and penitent, on the floor. 

The stones glow with the yellow of torches, a long beam cast downstairs from the door to the pure space above, before closing again. But a yellow glow - softer and quieter - stays. 

Footsteps shuffle down, down, close, and immediately, Ardiñipén knows something is wrong. No swish of robes over the floor, no slow glide of steps, these are heavier, harder, faster-

This isn’t Father.

The crest of cold through her stomach freezes her chest on the inside and her breath pants out as her thighs squeeze hard together, hands claps, body tightening up, because nonono is it a soldier is it a lawman Father said he’d protect her and nobody’s allowed down here-

“Shhhhh.”

A soft sound. A rustle. Ardiñipén bites her lips until the pulse of hurt is bright and warm and shakes. 

“Please.” Ardiñipén heaves and her air is cut out of her lungs, cold searing as she gasps deeper and deeper. “I am being good- please, Father, please no, am hurt, am hurt, don’t need to hurt?”

“Shhhh.”

Ardiñipén tries desperately to be good. Holds still and clasps her hands and her disobedient lips mouth the shape of please over and over. 

God. Father. Jesus. Help.

She makes a horrible whining noise, another animal that can’t listen, another rebellion, as she looks up, up, cringing, but the light doesn’t leave.

The lantern is yellow and dances with fire and even as Ardiñipén’s skin prickles with recognition, hellflame on earth, the candle is so small. Not enough to tie anyone to. Not enough to set her on. A little bundle - a blanket, a wicker-weave basket, a clay jar. 

A kneeling person. 

The confusion causes her to flicker her eyes up - bad, not allowed, you don’t look betters in the eye - and a little of the terror leaks, ice melting, from its spread through her insides. 

The girl who…cleans, mostly outside, but will come, sometimes, when Ardiñipén is kneeling, a circle, at the pulpit, and Ardiñipénhears her over the whisper of her own praying. 

She hums while she works. 

The swish of broom, the scrub of water-in-pail, dust and soap swirling in the air as Ardiñipén trembled, listening when she should be working, to the movements. 

She looked. Once. When Ardiñipén’s hearing, sharp as a little bat, still, could tell she was turned with her back to the pulpit, Ardiñipén had looked. 

The stolen glance of a blue blur, a- what is called- a halo of black curls spilling from under her head-covering, tall and dark and she moved like waist-deep in water, with heavy steps and a wide standing and she scrubbed and touched everything so normally, like she was touching a house that was not holy, like one would touch any house that needed cleaning, no reverence, just care. 

Ardiñipén prayed fervently and squeezed the blink-bright memory of her shape into her mind. 

Blue. Black. Strong. Singing. 

Ardiñipén blinks up at her face, a warm shadow against the pitch-dark, and the dark brown of her cheeks, her nose, a mouth that isn’t frowning, a smile, what looks like a smile, is studied by Ardiñipén’s wicked eyes as fervently as her verses. 

A finger comes up to her lips and presses. 

Shhhhh. 

A smell swirls around as the woman’s hands this close, strong and sweet, like- like dirt. Black, like those hands, brown so dark, so rich, wet and soft and warm and alive. Things that grow in it too…roses? Yes. That is what they are. A smell like pink and white, like the inside of a mouth, sweet and a taste of spice that makes the sweet brighter. 

The smell of planting. Of gardening. Of sun that doesn’t hurt. 

Her whimpering quiets, little noises she can’t swallow back going soft, soft, and the kneeling lap, the square of blue skirt that smells like flour, the square of brown apron that smells like soap, and she nods dizzily. Trying to show she understands while obeying. 

The woman’s hands move, again, into shapes in the air. Pauses. Makes the same shape again. Hums, that mouth still soft and not-frowning, and shapes. 

Shapes. 

Symbols?

A spike bursts behind Ardiñipén’s eyes as she remembers. Oh, but she shouldn’t- she shouldn’t remember, remembering is bad, she is reborn, a new creature (but still a creature), her old self is dead and she is- she remembers…signs. 

Signs.

Shapes made with fingers to tell thieves things quietly. To tell street-folks warnings. Signals across roads. The language of the quiet - the unhearing, the unspeaking, the afraid. 

The deaf. The mute. The word of God made bread and wine. Symbols make meaning.

(Do you understand?)

Ardiñipén’s hands uncurl, bent and gnarled, shaking - is this speaking? - and…twist shapes in the air. 

(Yes.)

Shaking, hands moving twice to be steady enough, she signs. 

(Not allowed to talk. Just to Father.)

The woman’s mouth bends, the shape of a smile, a soft split of white warmth through the darkness, and she signs.

(Father Paquet says sign is not talking.)

Oh. 

While Ardiñipén is still…wondering (it is saying something and being understood, is that not language, is that not speaking?), the dark hands glimmer with orange and yellow in a new twist. 

Letters. 

(M. A. R. Y.)

She signs again. 

(My name.)

Mary.

Do not be afraid.

(Don’t be scared. I am Mary. No hurt.)

(Mary.)

(Your name?)

(No name. Animal. Daughter of Father.)

(What did your mother call you?)

Mother. 

Mary. Lady of sorrows. Don’t be afraid. Soft brown hands. Red scarf. 

Dead. Bad. Gone. 

Not supposed to know that anymore. She- it- not supposed to know.

She whimpers, clutching her hands back to her chest, shaking her head as a sob rattles through her. 

“Shhhhh.”

(Sorry. Don’t be scared.)

Mary’s hands move in a way that looks like sugar, might be candy, might be you. Flash, again, and the words melt through the terror. 

(Sweeting. Sorry. You are safe, sweeting. Will help you.)

Mary, that is her name, moves her hands in ways that aren’t speaking and draws the bundle at her side closer. There is a rustle, a flap of soft color in the air as something is shaken out, and the flinch of squeezed-shut-eyes hides the softheavywarm falling over her body. 

Blanket. 

It is a blanket. 

Why? Why is Mary blessing her? What has she done to take this? Her throbbing hands grip the edges of the cloth, wooly, sheep-soft, clutching it close.

If the Lord needed blood in the desert, he would not drink it, would he? He is without sin. He would not tempt God with his depraved hunger. 

Does God get hungry?

He must have been cold, right? It was probably so, so cold. 

A high-rasping noise chokes out of her, curling into a smaller circle than before as she clutches the blanket close and rocks against the floor. 

Don’t dash your foot against stone. 

Toes breaking, bending and snapping against her body weight, against the street, broken feet dragged over stone, running, breaking, hitagainstbackoftheheadandfall, so many stones dashing her body, blood, slippery, dashing against stones, thrownrockhithertoothoutsharpandsmallandrollinginthestreet.

“Shhhhhhhhhh.”

The soft noise comes again, a hum, and Ardiñipén’s hands press over her own mouth as she rocks. 

A soft tap against the cloth of the blanket, echoing through her shoulder, where Mary traces words against the blanket. 

(Rest.)

Ardiñipén’s fingers scratch, cold and rigid, against the floor, miserably.

(Not allowed.)

(I allow it. Rest, sweeting.)

Under the weight of that name, that word that isn’t her, the blanket, warmwarmwarm sinking in, some pacing animal in her head sways against denial. Against the sleep she has snatched in shivering hours, little and far apart and so few. 

You can sleep in the desert.

How long she drifts, she doesn’t know, but something soft under her head shifts when she realizes she has been drifting. A folded apron. The smell of flour floods her nose, oil, dirt, soap, and she turns her face into it, breathing deep through her wound of a mouth. Blinks, yellow filling her vision again, and the shifting weight of a hand on her shoulder is rubbing. 

(Wake up, sweeting.)

The folded apron is tugged, softly, and it is gone almost before Ardiñipéncan register it was there. A tapped (blanket?) and Ardiñipén keens with the loss (I know, I know) as it is pulled away and bundled up. Confusing, the torn spots on her struggling wrists, her ankle, tingle softly and when she presses her own wrist to her nose, there’s the smallest, smallest honey smell lingering there, almost gone, a little shine on the skin over the wounds, where the sharpsoreheat is now a low pulse. 

The desert flows with milk and honey and Ardiñipén hiccups softly as she blinks up at Mary, who smiles, sad and glowing. 

(I have to go now.)

A pulse of cold spikes through Ardiñipén’s chest, panic, her stomach plummeting. Thoughtless, thoughtless animal, she curls forehead and her brow scrapes over the store floor, hands yanking against the chain to stretch, stretch, clutch at the hem of that apron and it's warm and she can’t feel herself clinging to it because her hands are too cold but a whine pours out. 

Please don’t go? Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me. 

Mary makes a sound that cuts through Ardiñipén’s high-pitched moan. It’s not a bad creature. It’s not Latin. It isn’t even a grunt, a noise that’s scared or grossed out as Mary should be.

It’s a hum. 

A weight lands on Ardiñipén’s head and she sobs, brokenly, when it does but there’s nothing but weight. A hand. That earth-smelling hand, trembling. Or maybe she, the creature that crawls like a worm in the dark, is causing that tremor. 

Sharp croaks of sobs echo out along the stones as the hand moves. Slow. Heavy. Stroking her hair. Oily, matted, it catches no fingertips, no snagging that tugs hurt fully. Mary is being careful. 

As warmth bleeds, prickling, sharp, into Ardiñipén’s hands, maybe from the sunlight caught in the apron, maybe from how hard her hands clutch, the stones echo with a music that has no language. 

A patch of something hotter and more merciful than the sun settles on the back of her wretched, grasping hands, and the burn shocks and Ardiñipén can’t breathe as she waits and waits for the burn to hurt but it doesn’t. 

The weight of a second hand, just as heavy and slow as the first, squeezes back. Humming, low and constant, a tune that has a rhythm and no dance. Ardiñipéncouldn’t sing along if she wanted to - but Mary isn’t singing. She’s humming.

Sobs go quieter than the song, crying going quiet, not to lose the song, sharp sniffles muffled under the weight of music in this small dark place. 

These hands have no rings, no heavy silver to singes and bruises. They are not cool and smooth and thin. Mary’s touch is a patch of soil, warm and firm, roughly caked, spots worn hard from working, the outsides thick, the center of her palms hot and pulsing soft as petals. 

A hunger that has no name wets her mouth, burrows its strangeness into her chest, nothing like the teeth of her unholy need. 

Mary’s fingertips, the thickest skin of her touch, taps and sweeps signs, signs she knows, over the backs of her clutching hands, even as she strokes soothing into the panic, that heaving flank of a foamy beast, brushing Ardinipen’s hair. 

I’m sorry. Come back. Not leave you here. Come back. Sorry. Come back. 

The word will is pressed harder, firmer, urgently, until Ardiñipén recognizes the symbol for will as a promise.

Will come back. 

And Ardiñipén, tears cooling on the stone beneath her, taps her broken finger back. 

You will.

An emphasis. Taps harder. A stroke, a sigil, anI believe.

She can survive the hands that pull away, the sobs that rasp through and echo with the footsteps, up, up, away with the light and the closing door and the dark and the cold and no Mary and no warmth and no words. 

She can survive without eating. She can survive underground, in the soil, burrowed and icy. She can survive alone. She can bear the denial of eating and drinking and feeling.

There is a promise buried underground, with her, the frost can’t turn. 

Her palm curls around the warm spot where she was touched, clutching it tighter and tighter until every cracked bone sings with heat. Cupping touch over the strands of hair that still smell like dirt and soap and bread and pulling them out, sharp anxious tugs, into a handful to bury her nose in. 

Wonders, for the first time, if she would not rather burn than freeze. 

~

i hope you enjoyed the introduction of my wonderful caretaker, mary, because dini needs some care and love!!! 🥺🥺🥺

taglist: @much-ado-about-whumping @whatgoeswhumpinthenight @whumping-every-day @whump-tr0pes @wolfeyedwitch

have a very merry @whumpmasinjuly everyone! 💖💖💖

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

[cinnabell2]

"Barbatos has been asleep for the past 3 years, you really think your prayers will reach him?" V inspired by chloes new song omg-- legit brainrotted a whole au from a 2:35 song and yes harbinger Himmel returns- This is v experimental piece eee

[gutsfics]

I’m just curious, I’ve seen you mention Mormons a couple times (something about Nia too that I forgot) and I’m curious if you’re like, post/ex Mormon or Mormon-adjacent or something? Bc I am… idk it’s complicated lmao spiritually/mentally out, but physically halfway in, I guess? So I was just wondering, hope you don’t mind!

Feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable

ex mormon baybee!!!!!!!! baptised at eight & everything

long story somewhat short is that me & my immedeate family left the church when i was like 12 when my dad came out as gay, but i personally specifically didnt go to church much before that bc my Neurodivergencies made it hard so my parents basically gave up on trying to wrangle me every time id have a meltdown about it (long and boring + uncomfortable clothes i hate = disaster for the undiagnosed adhd trans egg and his parents) so its not like i was too indocternated in the church & all in all i came out surprisingly (but not completely) unscathed. i hear stuff from when my parents were younger and im like "fucking WHAT" like all of the time

but like it was still a big enough thing in my life for me to hc characters (modern!Nia) or see paralells in media (the church of Helios) or even write my own characters as ex-mormon (HWU!Avalon)

so me mentioning mormonism is kinda like 50/50 dunking on the old religion / feeling empathy for ppl that are stuck in a place that is not right for them. maybe more like 40/60, it really depends on what im talking about

[coulsonlives]

Okay, this is NOT funny, even as a joke

[bluesidedown]

sometimes......there are a few men......who are just. ugh. and they say things......and ur just like why. why would you think that's ok.

[redemptiionss]

Yeah, so I really wish that the church I attend had better interpreters. Don’t get me wrong, I greatly appreciate their genuine efforts and passion-- It’s definitely better having them than nothing at all. But I honestly wish they were better because sometimes it’s hard to understand & follow them. Sometimes I just get lost, especially during the songs and the readings. :(

[chris-christmas]

1980s inspired church outfit with bold prints. In this outfit I combined a gray flat cap, round black glasses, a black bowtie, a black patterned mask, a black denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up to fit perfectly, a zebra stripped blue and black short sleeved button up with the sleeves rolled up, a white tank top that says nasa on one breast pocket untucked, some black skinny chinos rolled to hit the top of the shoes, and dark brown boots for a two outfit in one church/casual outfit with a bold print.

[evkircheruhla]

Die Ideen unserer Paten und Förderer - The ideas of our sponsors and supporters

(English below) Die Menschen, die unser Bildungsprojekt in Ruanda unterstützen, begnügen sich nicht damit, ein Kind zu fördern oder für unser Arbeit zu spenden. Vielmehr entwickeln sie auch Ideen, wie sie Andere auf unser Projekt aufmerksam und zum Mitmachen ermuntern können. Sei es als Bildungspate oder als Förderer. Da sind Paten, die z.B. Sommerfeste feiern, oder Geburtstage oder Hochzeit und…

[hearingthroughdeafear]

Going Where I Belong

Real worship is like finding treasure in this decade.

Daily writing promptWhat are you doing this evening?View all responses Real worship is like finding treasure in this decade. There’s so many negativity in this world and everyone has seem to lost the true value of Sundays. God designed it to be a day of rest and to remember Him. Instead, we are using it for parties, sleeping in, entertainment or working on house projects. Let us remember what…

[teaboot]

I seriously hope you can job hop to something else cause you're not chaotic neutral man.

You're still a white Canadian whose actions and job help more the megacorps keep the status quo.

I really looked up to you but that's on me.

And yeah, I know security, cop shit and military pay good money but at the cost of my people? Fuck no.

Listen. I feel you. But there's a lot of cold, power-tripping bastards in this line of work and if I stick where I am then they don't get to have that.

I'm not a cop. I am not beholden to the justice system. Sometimes I get contracted out to people who say shit like "addicts should be put down, if you see any crackheads drag them out" and I nod and say "yes sir", and then I take their money and use it to buy those people coffee and a sandwich and tell 'em when free lunch days are at the church.

Boss sees me walking with someone and thinks I'm kicking them out, gives my boss great reviews. I'm having a great conversation with Connie, who used to by a stylist and wound up on the street after an accident that left her with chronic pain and a heroin addiction. Connie learns that there's a gap between two property lines nearby where technically nobody can call to have her removed.

There's a really sweet guy in town who's normally very nice, but sometimes flies into paranoid rage and yells slurs at people. Sometimes he forgets he's been banned from places and wanders in looking for a wife he hasn't had for nine years. Owner sends me to kick him out, and I ask "hey Mike, how are you?" And see where we are today.

One time there was a guy whose abusive ex kept following him to work, and I got to walk him to his car at the end of every day to make sure she couldn't get him alone.

Another person had a stalker who kept asking receptionists when she was gonna be there, when she was supposed to leave, if she was in today. I'd keep record of every time he came in, every time someone saw him, every time he violated his restraining order or damaged her things.

And when I wonder if I'm actually helping or not, or if I'm part of the greater problem, I remember that other people who work with me call homeless people wildlife and talk about how bad they wanna get an excuse to fight someone and I remember that I'm the one who knows where the blind spots on the cameras are, and thank God it's not him.

My position is fundamentally different from that of the military or law enforcement. I don't *need* to be buddy-buddy with most of these dickheads- I don't *need* to send people into the justice system.

I do single-person foot patrol. Nobody cares how I get the job done. They say, "Hey, faceless goon number three- make that bastard disappear" and I say "on it, boss" and give him tickets to disney world.

I once asked another guard if he knew that one of our regulars used to be an airplane technician. He said, "No, I don't talk to them". Blanket "Them". "Them" as in street people. "Them" as in addicts, or shoplifters, or ex-cons, or sex workers.

I asked why, and he told me, "it's easier if you don't think of them as people."

Anyhow, now I get calls to "watch that sketchy lady who just came in" and I say, "yes, sir" and leave her the fuck alone, 'cause that's Jolene, and people always think she's on drugs and aggressive but she's just deaf in one ear and slurs cause she has brain damage, you dickhead

so yeah, don't worry, I've spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of my vocation, and I still think I'd rather be in charge of my locations than someone like Darryl, who dreams of "cuffing a perp" and drives a car with Punisher decals on the hood

Also it's minimum wage but that's kinda tangential

[graceandpeacejoanne]

Isaiah 42: Blind and Deaf, Blessed and Beloved

After speaking of God’s Covenant Servant, Isaiah now turned to a different kind of servant. servant. First, the prophet described what was wrong. #Isaiah42 #BlindandDeafServant #TheChurch

After speaking of God’s Covenant Servant, Isaiah now turned to a different kind of servant. servant. First, the prophet described what was wrong. Blind and Deaf Servant This servant was blind to the calling God had placed in their lives Listen, you who are deaf,    and you who are blind, look up and see!Who is blind but my servant    or deaf like my messenger whom I send?Who is blind like my…

[gor3-hound]

CRY FOR ABSOLUTION - LEON S. KENNEDY

ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader

a/n: heyyy :3 had to make the priest collar edit on picsart so don't look at it too close... um... title from 'absolution' by ghost. thank you @ottermarbles for beta reading !! been working on this slowly while writing commissions... finally here !! rbs and feedback appreciated as always <3

cw: 18+ content, priest!leon, non-religious!reader, dead dove, non-con to dub-con to non-con, victim turned perpetrator, forced breeding, mentions of forcing marriage, religious themes, p in v, creampie, degradation, name calling, breath play

word count: 1.6k words

Leon can sense your presence in the church before he sees you. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, his whole body going rigid. He starts murmuring under his breath, eyes shut as he recites the prayer. He’d tried countless times to pray to the Virgin Mary, to strengthen his faith in God so he may resist your advances. To Saint Mary Magdalene, to guide you away from your life of sin. To God Himself to plead that you would leave him alone.

He was sure you were the Devil. Almost certain that you were some cruel test that God had bestowed on him.

He grips the rosary dangling around his neck as your footsteps get closer, whispering one final prayer to God, a desperate plea to give him strength before he faces you, hands trembling as his eyes open to meet yours. Leon couldn’t quite understand how you always managed to avoid the crowds, to worm your way into the Church between services, narrowly avoiding the other priests. You did not care for them, for your faith. You had your eyes set on Leon, a succubus in the flesh that had targeted him so callously.

”While I appreciate your dedication to the Church, I’m afraid the service has already drawn to a close, and there is a lot of work for me to get through before tonight’s service. Perhaps if you return later with the other parishioners, we can s-“

”Father, I hoped to speak to you before the service.” You say as you stalk closer, your heated gaze trailing him. He almost doesn’t hear you speak, the ringing in his ears dampening the sound around him, making your voice nothing more than a faint echo. He’s looking at you, but he’s not seeing you. His gaze is far away as he tries to think of something, anything else. A lump forms in his throat that he cannot dislodge no matter how hard he tries, swallowing to attempt to clear the passage enough so that he felt he could breathe, but with no success. His vision blurs, and he vaguely registers the tears forming in his eyes as you coo, cupping his cheek to wipe the few that fall.

”Please,” he whispers, voice cracking as he gazes at you fully, your face slowly coming into focus. What did he do to deserve this? He was a good man, wasn’t he? He’d tried his best to help the less fortunate, to be kind to everyone he spoke with. Had he committed some sin without realising it? Some blight against God that meant he deserved this? "Please, I don’t want this. You’re misguided, that's all. I can help you. You don’t have to do this.”

As always, his protests fall on deaf ears. He feels the steady stream of tears running down his face, brows pinching together as you back him up into the confessional. His chest continues to grow tighter and tighter until his lungs constrict painfully with each breath. The air gets caught in his throat and makes him choke, his brain shutting down as he just lets you free him from his vestments and tug down his trousers. He's glad to be rid of the collar, at the very least. It feels less like God was bearing down on his throat to drag him to Hell for letting this happen.

The first sob forces its way from his chest as your lips wrap around his cock. He wishes that he could hate the way it felt. It makes him nauseous - makes his head spin, but it feels good. He's at war with himself as to what this means, if enjoying the wet warmth wrapped around him means he's no better than you. He closes his eyes and clenches his fists as he tries to distance himself from your touch.

You pull yourself off of his cock with a pop, rustling around for something in your pocket. The crinkle of a packet has his eyes snapping open again, his eyes honing in on the foil you're holding up between two fingers. Panic seeps into his very core, his breath coming out in harsh puffs. “Thought we could try something new.” You say with a giggle, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

No. No, this couldn't happen to him. He's a priest - he's meant to stay far, far away from the pleasures of the flesh. He had to do something, anything to stop you. He swallows hard, eyes flickering around the confessional, trying to figure a way out of this before you lead him down a path of sin.

Leon isn't sure what happened. One minute, you were tearing open the condom with your teeth, and the next minute, he pounced. His hand gripped your throat to pin you down in the confessional, squeezing tight. His eyes are wide, almost feral as they meet yours, his free hand yanking your underwear down. His movements are clumsy as he prods as your cunt, trying to push his way in. After a few attempts, he manages to hook the tip on your entrance, and he slides home in one thrust.

“Oh.” He breathes out, eyes squeezing shut again. Maybe God wasn't testing him. Maybe this was his reward for being a good follower - all he had to do was breed this pussy full and wed you, and he'd be able to do this as many times as he pleased.

No. This was a test. He must have passed. He succeeded, and this was his reward. A pretty housewife for him to keep bred and safe in his grasp. A woman to cure his cold, lonely nights. He could finally have the family he always wanted. He was angry at you now, yes, but he would forgive you when you accepted his proposal and his seed.

“Temptress.” He hisses between gritted teeth, the hand on your throat tightening. The pressure against your windpipe is bruising, leaving you desperately trying to gasp in breaths through too tight of a passage. “Indecent whore. This is what you wanted, wasn't it? You didn't care when I told you ‘no’, did you? No? Then take it.”

He scoffs as you plead for him to stop again, his brows narrowing in frustration. He didn't want to do this. Leon was a good man. He was a holy man. He couldn't let you ruin him. What if the word of this got out?

“You wanted to ruin me, didn't you? You thought you couldn't take what you wanted from me without consequences? That… fuck… that God wouldn't punish your sins? I'm going to make you take my seed. You're going to be my pretty little wife, and no one will hear about this.”

He thrusts forward particularly violently after his words, his grip on your throat tightening enough that you start thrashing, cunt clenching around his cock enough that he has to halt his movements to stop himself from cumming too soon.

“If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will drag you down into the deepest depths of Hell with me. I swear it on the Lord Himself.” He grits out, finally releasing his hold on your throat.

He ignores your protests, a muddy mix of guilt and anger swirling in his chest with each plea that falls from your lips. You had shown him no mercy, and yet you expect him to spare you? You were nothing more than a Godless nymph. He would show you the light.

“Do you know your prayers, hmm?” He coos, gripping your chin. The pads of his fingers dig into your cheeks harshly, drawing a pained moan from you. He starts fucking into you again now that his orgasm has fully subsided, letting out a shaky breath at the drag of his length against your gummy walls. “No, of course. You have no respect for the house of the Lord - you just wish to defile it.”

He lets go of your face to hitch your legs over his waist, breaths coming out in heavy pants as he pistons his hips into you, sweat beading against his skin from exertion, bangs stuck flat against his forehead. “Repeat after me.”

‘Lord God, in your goodness have mercy on me:’

The words fall past your lips in a daze as you repeat them, his hand reaching up to your throat again, but not squeezing. A warning to continue as he speaks the next line.

‘Do not look on my sins, but take away all my guilt.’

He's close now, barely able to hold back as he ruts into you helplessly, reduced to nothing more than a dog in heat as you clench around his cock.

‘Create in me a clean heart and renew within me an upright spirit.’

His hips stutter as you repeat the last words of Contrition back to him, his head dropping to the crook of your shoulder as he gasps out sharp breaths. His cock jumps as he orgasms, stuffing you full of his cum with a noise more akin to a whimper than a moan.

He leans back, eyes taking in your appearance. There was some kind of sick satisfaction seeing you broken like this, knowing God had allowed him to take back the part of him you had aimed to destroy.

You would be his. He would keep you as his wife, his prize. He was given a chance to relinquish the sins you had bestowed upon him.

He would not let the opportunity pass.

[jonathanrogersartist]

How 'The Acolyte' Disappointed Me, and Why the Themes of 'Star Wars' Matter

Someone recently commented on my 'On the Dark Side, the Jedi and the Moral Decay of Star Wars' essay with these words: 

"A lot of words for saying 'I don't like the newer media, but I won't get into specifics as to why.'"

Okay! I shall then finally clarify those specifics....

That first essay has, so far, been my biggest success on this blog, and it's attracted a number of interesting responses. Full disclosure: I wrote that fresh off the heels of feeling depressed over how the Acolyte ended, and after reading/listening to several of Leslye Headland's interviews, where she went into great detail about her ideas behind the show's choices, the themes she's trying to get across, and what personal baggage she brings to Star Wars. 

Why was I depressed?

Because the show's finale ended with the deeply problematic implication that Osha, by killing Sol and joining Qimir, has achieved true self-actualization. As Leslye herself put it, it's a 'positive corruption arc.' Interesting way to phrase it. 

Furthermore, Vernestra's actions that frame Sol for several murders, all to protect her own reputation, and to avoid oversight by the Senate, confirmed one of the things that I was really worried this show would do as soon as we began learning plot details, which is that it's leaning into this very persistent edgelord take that the Jedi are actually big ol' bastards not worth seeing as heroes. 

It's the Dave Filoni gospel of the Jedi Order as a morally broken and fundamentally hypocritical institution, a decaying monument to religious hubris, who brought about their own destruction with their arrogance and so-called rejection of emotion making them lack empathy. 

This is, as many of my followers know already, a giant misreading of George's storyline in the prequels, and what he was actually telling us about the Jedi's philosophy and code. And in my experience, it gets us some vicious pushback when we try to inform fans of it, even if we back it up with proof of George's words. 

George really did intend the Jedi to be the ultimate example of what a brave, wise, and all-loving hero should be, and are very specifically inspired by Buddhist monks. They do not 'repress emotions': they learn to regulate their emotions, so as to not let the negative ones feed the Dark Side, and they have the moral fortitude to focus on their spiritual duty. They're professionals that have dedicated themselves to a higher calling, and who still feel and display the same emotions we all feel, unless I watched very different movies from everyone else. We see that Jedi characters can still crack jokes, cry when they are sad, become scared or anxious, feel strong love and loyalty to their peers, and can even be righteously angry in some situations BUT always knowing when to pull back.

The Jedi of the prequels were victims of manipulation by Palpatine, and were caught in between a rock-and-a-hard-place with the Clone War, and they were ultimately destroyed not by their own actions, but by the treachery of Anakin Skywalker, who failed to overcome his own flaws because he refused to really follow the Jedi teachings, and was gaslit by Palpatine for decades on top of that. 

Leslye's take on Star Wars, based on how she wrote the story of the Acolyte, is that "yup, the Jedi were doomed to destroy themselves by being hypocritical and tone-deaf space cops," and she also outright compared them to the Catholic Church (this reeks of Western bias and misunderstanding of Eastern religions). The one that really stunned me, was when she said she designed Qimir to be her own mouthpiece for the experience of being queer and suppressed, who isn't allowed to just be her authentic self in a restrictive world. Which, to me, implies that Leslye wanted to depict the Dark Side as actually a misunderstood path to self-actualization that the Jedi, in keeping with their dogma of repressing emotions, only smear as 'evil.' 

Let me remind you all: Qimir is officially referred to as a Sith Lord, by Manny Jacinto, by Leslye, etc. And what are the Sith, exactly? 

Space fascists. Intergalactic superpowered terrorists. Dark wizard Nazi-coded wannabe dictators, whose ideology is of might-makes-right, survival of the fittest, and the pursuit of power for power's sake. To depict followers of this creed as an analogy for marginalized people who have literally been targeted and murdered throughout history BY the real-life inspirations for the Sith.... I find revolting and tone-deaf by Leslye. 

SO.... seeing how that show ended, and reading up on how Leslye intended it to be interpreted (Osha's 'triumph' over the 'toxic paternalism' of Sol/the Jedi in general), really put me in a funk, because deep down, I could just sense that this was not at all compatible with the ethos of Star Wars. It made me go on a deep-dive into the BTS of the writing of the prequels and George's ideas about the Jedi, and it's how I discovered the truth that Dave Filoni has been pretty egregiously misrepresenting George's themes for several years now, usurping George's words with his own personal fanfic about the motivations of characters like Anakin, or Qui-Gon, or the Jedi Council, etc. 

His influence on the franchise has caused this completely baseless take on the Jedi to become so widespread as to rewrite history for modern fans. Who are utterly convinced now that this anti-Jedi messaging WAS George's vision all along, and they get real mad at you if you show them actual proof of that being a lie. 

And the Acolyte is perpetuating this twisting of the very core of Star Wars. This is what I meant by the 'moral decay of Star Wars.' 

The Star Wars saga was made by George Lucas in 1977 to accomplish these specific tasks: 

To remind people of what it really means to be good.

What evil actually looks like, and how it comes from our fears and greed.

To teach kids how to grow up and choose the right path that will make them loving, brave, honest people that stand up to tyrants.

To give the world a story that returns to classic mythological motifs and is fundamentally idealistic, to defy the uptick in cynical and nihilistic storytelling after the scandals of Vietnam and Watergate broke Americans' belief in there being such a thing as actual heroes anymore. 

THAT is the soul of Star Wars. That is what George meant for this remarkably creative universe to say with its storytelling. But I sincerely think that what the Acolyte told, was that morality is relative, the heroes of this saga are actually bastards, the fascist death-cult is misunderstood, and a young woman being gaslit into joining said death-cult is a triumphant girlboss moment. When it actually comes across as the tragedy of a broken person choosing the wrong path that will only make her miserable, full of hatred and powerlust, and hurt innocent people along the way. 

The Acolyte betrayed one of George's most critical lessons: that the Dark Side ruins people, and if you want to truly become your best self, you must choose the path of Light, and the Jedi are the ones who have best mastered that path. So if the future of Star Wars is to continue framing the Jedi and their teachings as some corrupt and immoral system that is making the galaxy worse, then I would rather stick to rewatching the classic scripture of Episode 1-6. George wrote a complete and satisfying story, that is thematically consistent, and in my opinion should have been allowed to rest. 

I will not hate on new fans that love the new material, but I will pity them if they really think any of this is actually faithful to George's vision (they may very well simply not care, either, which troubles me too), and I am afraid of a show like Acolyte teaching young people to see the Jedi's philosophy as wrong, and the Sith as having a point. 

(P.S. I have a moral duty to clarify this, given the discourse around the show: No, this is not a problem with 'wokeness,' or diversity, or representation; that side of the fandom is very sick in the head and not to be taken seriously. 

It's a problem with Leslye's themes and tastes as a storyteller, being fundamentally against the ethos of Star Wars and how it soured the entire show in hindsight for me... a show that I was actually really liking, before the finale dropped its thematic nuke.)