#deadass one of my favourite fics ever

[aroace-in-a-clowncar]

Thinking about His Empire of Dirt. It’s so damn good, that I’ve read it like 3 times. Mike and William man…

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Five)

You put your plan into action - in order to get closer to Joel, you have to get close to Ellie. The home truths that come out as a result aren't at all what you wanted though.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count | 3K

Warnings | Angst and pining, mentions of death and origin story of readers scar which involves a knife but nothing else.

Authors Note | This one flew out of my fingers like lightening so I hope you enjoy it! Would love to hear your thoughts so leave comments, like or reblog or pop on over to my ask box if you fancy it! Also not me deadass writing in one of my favourite bands, shoutout to any of my fellow elder emo's out there. The shame of the outbreak is that these guys never got to jam along to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge or Misery Business..... This fic is actually loosely based on an All Time Low song from their new album, if you wanted to listen you can find it here - listen and watch out for nods to the lyrics in the dialogue here!

It had been a week since the awkward encounter at the bar with Joel and you were frustrated that you hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with him. You’d been watching him from afar, he’d been in the stables one day getting himself assigned a horse so that he could start heading out on patrol. He’d spent an evening at The Tipsy Bison with Tommy, the only acknowledgement was a swift nod of his head towards the table you shared with your father but that was only because Tommy had hit him on the arm, mouthing for him not to be rude. You’d watched him walk down the street past your home a few times, watching from the window and wishing it had been your home he was coming to. The one constant in all of it? The little girl. Ellie was attached to him like a barnacle to a whale, he was never without her, and you’d bet your bottom dollar (If you had any) that the key to getting closer to Joel was that little girl. 

“Can I ask you a question?” You asked Tommy one day whilst you were helping him repair some fencing around the outer wall. 

“You just did, but sure thing Sunshine.” 

“Do you know much about Ellie?” Your tried to keep your tone as nonchalant as possible, but the grin on Tommy’s face suggested he knew exactly where you were going with this. 

“I’ve gotta be honest Joel’s kept her to himself mostly,” He shrugged, picking up his hammer to beat some nails into the wood you were holding still for him, “She’s a firecracker, swears like a sailor and is the only person I’ve ever seen make Joel laugh since the world went to shit.” 

You hummed in understanding, “You know about the things she likes to do?” 

“I think you’re treading a very thin line here.” He warned. 

“I’m not trying to do anything Tommy,” You spoke defensively, “She follows him around like a lost puppy, I’ve not seen her make any friends, I just wanted to try and do something nice for her to make her feel welcome.” 

Tommy sighed, “Space,” He replied simply, “Joel said she liked space, wanted to be an astronaut or something like that, and she's attached to that Walkman like it's her lifeline,” He was focusing on not hitting his fingers with the hammer, “Maria actually put aside a box of things she thought she might like, with the baby she hasn’t had time to take it over, but maybe if you drop back with me later you can drop it off for us?” 

“Sounds good,” You responded, “Will he be there?” 

Tommy smirked, “No, he’s on evening patrol on the fence tonight so nothing to worry about.” 

“I’m not worried Tommy.” 

“Sure, that’s why your nails are bitten down and you’ve been chewing at your lips since he arrived,” Your eyes widened, he was always the more astute of the brothers, “You used to do that before, when you were worried about things.” 

“Well like I said, I’m not worried about anything.” You mumbled. 

“Whatever you say, Sunshine,” He winked at you, “I finished hammering that about five minutes ago, you can let go now.” 

*** 

The box was heavy in your arms – you silently cursed Maria for filling it up so much, what was even in here? You could see a few books on the top and an empty notepad and there was some material at the bottom that could only be clothing. You thanked the Gods for not allowing the bottom to drop out of it, setting it down on the porch before knocking on the door of the house Tommy had pointed at when you were walking back to his. 

It took a while for someone to answer, but the door was eventually ripped open, and Ellie was stood in front of you, trying to catch her breath. 

“Oh hey,” She greeted, “Joel’s not here.” 

“Lucky me, because I’m actually here to see you,” You smiled, tapping the cardboard box on the floor with your foot, “Maria sent me over with a few things she thought you might like.” 

Ellie bent down to pick it up but you beat her to it, “It’s heavy, let me bring it inside for you.” 

She smiled and moved in the doorway to let you pass. The inside of their home was exactly as you’d imagine it to be, it wasn’t that much different to how yours had been when you moved in. Simple and bare save for the few pieces of furniture, a coffee mug was sat on the table near the kitchen – if Joel was half he man he had been before that would be his, half full of coffee that he’d drunk before leaving for patrol. 

“You can set it down on the table.” Ellie directed, which you did, taking hold of the coffee cup to find it was exactly how you’d imagined, half full of coffee which was still slightly warm, Joel had left recently. 

You watched as Ellie started going through the box, taking out the books to read the back of them before setting them down and investigating the clothes, seemingly happy with what Maria had chosen. 

“I hope you don’t mind but I brought you something too,” You spoke quietly, fishing around in your jacket pocket before pulling out a CD, “I don’t know if it’s your sort of music, but I’ve seen you with your Walkman around town and though you’d like something different to listen to.” 

She took the CD gratefully, “Foo Fighters, what kinda name is that?” 

You giggled, “You know they were actually pretty good, I listened to them all the time before all this, trust me.” 

“You sure you don’t wanna keep it?” Ellie asked, trying to pass it back to you. 

“I don’t have anything to listen to it on, so it’s all yours, I wanna know what you think of it though.” You gave her a smile and a wink. 

“Thanks,” She said, “This is actually super cool.” 

You knew you couldn’t linger too long here; you didn’t want to outstay your welcome and make Ellie feel uncomfortable. You wanted to do something nice for her so she would tell Joel. Then you’d be front and center in his mind. He might even thank you himself and surely that meant opening a conversation with him. Baby steps, you kept telling yourself. 

“You’re welcome,” You reached out and squeezed her shoulder, “And if you ever need anything else you can always ask me, I know how hard it can be to settle here after being… out there.” 

Ellie nodded at you, and you excused yourself, heading home and hoping you’d planted a big enough seed to grow. 

***

The next morning, as Joel was setting breakfast on the table for Ellie before she went to school, the seed started to bloom. 

“Your girlfriend came round last night.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You know that woman you knew from before, the one we met at the bar?” 

“Ellie, she ain’t my girlfriend,” Ellie shrugged at Joel’s answer, shoveling eggs into her mouth, “What was she doin’ here?” 

“Bought some box of stuff Maria set aside for me,” She said with her mouth full, earning a glare from Joel at her table manners, “She bought me this awesome CD as well, did you ever hear of the Foo Fighters?” 

Joel nodded, trying not to remember that the only reason he did was because you had insisted on keeping that damn CD in his truck – it had been the background noise to most of your evening escapades when you couldn’t be in his bed. It wasn’t his particular cup of tea, but he had always liked watching you out of the corner of his eye as he drove you to your spot, tapping your fingers on the side of the car and singing along when the moment took you. 

“Well, I hope you said thank you.” Joel grumbled, drinking the last of his coffee, “Now come on, you’ll be late.” 

As Joel stood on the porch and watched Ellie walk down the street to school he cursed you. Cursed you for being the sweet little girl he always remembered and making Ellie happy, because now he’d have to seek you out and thank you himself. Running a hand over his face he resolved to do it today, better to get it over with instead of dwelling on things. 

***

You were bent over the bench in the tool shed taking inventory when a knock at the door pulled you from your counting. Tommy had asked you to take stock of what materials were left after you’d repaired the fence the previous day and although it was giving you a headache it was distracting work, having to concentrate on something that wasn’t Joel. 

“Come in!” You called, not looking up from the pile of nails you were counting, you scribbled the number you’d already counted to on a slip of paper, dropping the rest back in the tub to continue counting later. 

Turning around, Joel was leant on the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. In the daylight and up close he was just as devastating as he’d been all those years ago. You silently willed the giddy feeling in your bones to go away. 

“Not interrupting anything am I?” He asked, nodding his head towards the bench. 

“Not at all, it’s a welcome break actually, only so many nails you can count before you go insane,” You laughed, hoping he would do the same, but his face was as stoic as ever, “Do you need something?” 

He let out a sigh, “I just wanted to say thank you for what you did for Ellie yesterday, she’s been through a lot, and this is an adjustment to say the least, so thank you.” 

You smiled at him, “You’re welcome,” you replied simply, “I’ve seen her wandering around with that Walkman attached to her so figured she could use something new to listen to,” You started rambling now, “I can’t even believe I managed to find it, it was just hanging out in some old store we stumbled through a few years back and all I could think about what how we used to listen to it in your truck when you’d….” Your eyes went wide as you stopped yourself from finishing your sentence, this wasn’t how you wanted this to go, “Sorry.” You mumbled, looking down from his eyes to your fingers where you set to work worrying at a bit of loose skin. 

“It’s alright,” He spoke, “If I’m bein’ honest it’s exactly what I thought about when she showed me last night.” 

“Oh,” You exclaimed, snapping your eyes up to him, “Have you thought about me much?” 

“Darlin’,” He spoke softly, “It’s best not to talk about it, I don’t want to upset you.” 

You nodded, “That means no then right?” You replied, “Because if you had you would have said because that would have made me happy, saying you don’t want to upset me means you didn’t.” 

“It was easier that way,” He admitted softly, “Convincing myself you were gone.” 

“Wish I could say the same,” You shrugged, “Was there anyone else?” 

You didn’t know where all this was coming from and you were half expecting him to tell you to shut your mouth and mind your own business, but to your surprise he answered, “There was one woman, her name was Tess, it wasn’t…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “It just made sense, we ran in the same circle, and I guess we just helped distract each other sometimes.” 

“Understandable.” You replied simply, itching to get yourself out of the conversation now. 

“What about you, was there anyone else?” 

You laughed, “Travelling across country trying to keep my dad alive isn’t really conducive to that sort of thing, so no Joel, there was no-one else,” He nodded in understanding but didn’t move to speak again, “I should really get back to this.” You mused, pointing to the bench. 

“Of course, sorry for takin’ up your time, and thank you again, Ellie really did appreciate it.” 

Joel left without another word, closing the door quietly behind him and all the frustration you’d felt came tumbling out. Angry tears pricked at your eyes at your stupidity that he’d have thought about you at all. You were only ever the stupid little girl with her stupid little crush and the moment he had the opportunity to forget you he did. Of course he did. You wiped at your cheeks furiously, willing your emotions to get themselves in check so you could go back to work, but for the rest of the day you’d catch yourself in your melancholy, tears threatening to fall and your mind completely distracted. This was not how this was supposed to go at all. 

***

“You should have seen his face!” Your father roared at the table, “White as a ghost when I woke up.” 

You weren’t sure how you’d made it here but you were sat at a table in The Tipsy Bison with your father and Tommy, along with Joel and Ellie, whilst your father recounted stories of your survival, telling them with an enthusiasm that would rival a war veteran speaking about their time in the forces. He was currently going through the motions of explaining how you’d made it to Jackson and how he thought Tommy was going to pass out when he realized it was the both of you he’d rescued. 

You’d mostly kept quiet, only popping into the conversation to correct him when he got something wrong. Otherwise you kept your focus on the glass of whiskey in front of you that Tommy was keeping topped up with the bottle he’d bought from the bar for you all. 

“How’d you get that scar on your face?” You looked up at Ellie, everyone else looking at her in horror for being so blunt. 

“Ellie, don’t be so nosey.” Joel chastised her. 

“It’s alright,” You shrugged, “It’s pretty lame actually, we’d shut ourselves in a house a few years ago trying to hide from a pack of infected, not realizing someone else had the same idea. I was looking out the window to see if we had a clear route out when I heard someone shuffling behind me. I turned around and by the time I realized what was happening he’d slashed the knife on my face.” 

“Did you kill him?” 

“Ellie!” Both Tommy and Joel burst out at the same time. 

You chuckled, realizing you probably shouldn’t encourage her questions, but replied anyway, “In a way I guess I did, we had a bit of a struggle and he tripped and fell out of the window, it was a tall building so yeah, he died.” 

“That’s cool.” 

You shrugged, looking around the table to see that everyone was willing the conversation to move elsewhere, you were itching to know more about how Joel and Ellie had come to be together aside from the snippets Tommy had told you, but you didn’t think this would be the right place to ask. Instead, you fished a cigarette out of your jacket pocket, shoving it between your lips and excusing yourself. 

You were halfway through it, leaning against the railing outside the bar when you felt someone come up behind you and lean themselves down next to you, “Never thought I’d see the day when you turned to those.” 

“Well, I’m not surprised if you spent the last twenty years convincing yourself I was dead,” You shrugged at Joel, as always, alcohol emboldening your tone, “I’ve gotta die of something and I’d rather these than being torn apart limb from limb or sprouting mushrooms from my face.” You punctuated the end of your sentence with a long drag of your smoke, blowing it out into the cool night. 

“How do you always do that?” He asked. 

“Do what?” You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Make anything seem funny,” He offered, “The world’s gone to shit, everyone we’ve ever really cared for is dead and yet here you are, joking like we’re back to the days before.” 

 “It’s the only way I don’t focus on all the shitty things I’ve done to get here.” 

It was silent between you for a moment. You could have sworn you saw Joel move his hand as if he was going to place it reassuringly on your arm like he always did but he didn’t, even if your head was screaming at him to do it, just to breech the barrier he had up between the two of you. 

“Can I say something?” You asked after a moment. 

He nodded, “I don’t want to step out of line, but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry about Sarah,” You could see him physically tense next to you, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, in fact, it’s probably best you don’t but… I liked her Joel; she was a good kid and she didn’t deserve what happened to her and I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

“I hate the way you miss me.” He mumbled. 

You looked him dead in the eye for the first time, “I don’t hate the way I miss you,” You spoke honestly, “I think it’s the only thing that kept me alive sometimes, thinking about the chance to see you again, hold your hand or kiss you.” 

He sighed, “You can’t stand there and say that,” He spoke roughly, “With your big eyes beggin’ me to be the man you deserve, I couldn’t be that before all of this and I certainly can’t be that for you now,” and then finally, “We can’t keep doin’ this.” 

You nodded, stubbing out your cigarette and throwing it to the ground in front of the bar, “Understood,” You spoke, giving him a final glance, “Goodnight Joel.” 

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[esorxy]

remembering all the insanely long marauders fics ive brainrotted over because i kinda forgot all of them. roughly in the order i read them.

Whatever happened to the young, young lovers?

355k, jegulus wolfstar rosekiller. post war (ended by regulus) where they just hang around grimmauld place all day. i literally cant remember anything that happened. but i liked how they stayed home and didnt go outside, because i relate to that. it was alternating chapters between post war and pre war, honestly i dont even know it was just so much relationship angst and regulus being incredibly competent and hurt.

All The Young Dudes

526k, the character development and buildup, its like the level of the actual series without the annual voldemort attack. i was DESTROYED by the ending, it lived in my brain rent free for like a week. why did it have to be canon compliant???! the way they spent so much time pining, so much time apart, and so little time together. but that theyre literal soulmates, which is so sad for grant (he suffered true emotional damage) lmfao. I guess this is the basis (canon??) of marauders era

we can be heroes, for ever and ever

102k alternate happy ending to atyd - yes PLEASE this is what i needed to heal the pain after reading atyd.

choices

624k. lowkey feel the same way towards this as atyd, except it didnt live in my brain rent free for a week. in that i respect that it's good and got heartbroken when everyone died and they didn't get their happy ending, but it did get me into jegulus so I'm not complaining. IDK it's just sad, but i love regulus and evan and cerci. even though i deadass can't remember anything else.

crimson rivers

865k actually SOBBING this fic is everything. so much plot and so much hurt, it is amazing and painful and intense. it has the most picturesque scenes, beautiful happy ending. but i did kinda get sick of it near the end cos its so fuckin long, and i was not into the girls in the fic so i was kinda cbs

holding onto the self

76k and it was so good i felt so sad for sirius. this is the type of fic which makes me jaw drop and suck in breath like poor baby honestly. no summary needed cos ill never forget what its about lmfao....

just lovers

321k fake dating au. this is GREAT. its so light hearted which is a great change from the akckdjebakzj. this is the climb to the top for regulus being my favourite character. lowkey can't remember shit but i liked it and i need more fics like it because it was creative and there's not much room for that in marauders verse

only the brave

645k and The fic of my dreams. this is everything and i loved every second of it. every character is so great, and it got me into pandalily!!! perfect amount of hurt (a lot), and such good plot. it has every ship i like, i was like drowning in a hot spring of happiness while reading this

ecliptic

147k, oh it's so creative and new. it was so suspenseful cos we got 0 answers, and the fic is deadass incomplete wtf!! i love how everyone is sad but mostly rational. the jegulus was really really nice, and i liked how the cruciatus was made out to be a big deal so the hurt/comfort is better. i feel like the plot is better than the delivery

wolfstar my one true pair, jegulus my second true pair, evan®ulus has a special place in my heart, marauders fanfiction a permanent space in my mind for at least the next few weeks

new edit: shit! i forgot to update and i read so many more long fics and can barely remember them now

mastermind

311k i cant even remember anything that happened ... except i liked the dynamic between narcissa and regulus, and narcissa is so damn pretty. this was the one where regulus made james and sirius go with him to the cave, and then james had to force him to drink the potion, so much angst arghhhh.

all along there was some invisible string (tying you to me)

103k spiderman AU + high school and all i can say that its an original setting... the pining was great, and the spiderman kiss!! but other than that like it was good, i guess

I adored you madly, extravagantly, absurdly

243k Victorian AU with arranged marriage trans regulus. I loved regulus' character, he was so spiteful and petty but also down bad, and jegulus matched so perfectly together. i want his life so bad because his literal job was being married, like deadass he didnt do shit all day except read, play with his cats and pine for his husband...

a violent kind of spin

212k not going to lie, my favourite/most striking parts of this fic were the $h scenes... and i just finished it last night so I dont even have an excuse. james asking sirius to turn around and not even waiting for him to do it??? oml hes unhinged and it was so well written. the bathtub scene when he was on a timer and then just walked out like everything was fine!!! help it was so angsty im in love. i feel like i speedran this fic and didnt read it properly, which is probably accurate

Im not gonna teach him how to dance with you

122k. rosekiller is the BEST. i love the whole plot tbh and it was so well paced. love that for evan because nobody else is gonna keep by with barty's crazy. i would have liked it more if it had crack undertones but yknow whatever, cant have everything. i thoroughly enjoyed all the romantic tension in the leadup, the way they were both so in love im gone.

All the young dudes - Sirius' Perspective

628k, let me tell you, canon has no right being that sad, and the beloved author just fed off that like a parasite. i should have expected how this fanfic would destroy me, but the delivery made it so much more painful. i sobbed reading the Halloween and Azkaban chapters. and sirius,,, like why did you have to be so angry all the time. and so obsessed with remus from day 1. it was great. although like halfway through i just felt like ... wolfstar is so basic. jegulus once jegulus forever i guess.

whatever our souls are made of

157k hanahaki where we really gotta work for the happy ending. OML it was so beautifully sad. reggie 💔💔. sirius said nobody on the earth deserves his baby brother, but if he had to pick someone, it would be James 😭😭 I'm a broken man

oml i havent updated in 2 months... its ok i didnt read that much cos i was too tired with uni and work. anyway i found all my fics through tiktok, tumblr, or thru the author cos this gold mine is too big sorry chief. which is like. someone recommended this following fic :skull:

I'm not okay (I solemnly swear)

107k and unfinished :000 cant believe it i read something unfinished but when i read the tags i was like ok yeah im in. my secret is that i read fics like these!!! and most of them are not well written but this one is. and so was that other one about sirius but it was only like 78k so i didnt write it up. anyway poor reggie is going through it, and idk if its ever getting finished cos the poor author might be going through it too. additional note: idk if this is the one but bestie has so many problems like get help fr.

the veil of secrecy

100k but its unfinished and let me tell nobody i was devastated. omg it was so sad so the summary is after reggie defected voldymouldy found out and like --- got all his remaining horcruxes and stuffed them inside his chest and abdominal cavity in some crazy ass surgery. and then he sewed his mouth shut and broke his fingers and kept him around him like some porcelain doll/pet and thats the punishment????? oml how do u think of that... anyway so he dissociates into his fabric walls of occlumency so voldy doesnt know where the locket is. ok whatever they escape and he falls in love with jamie idk. its unfinished.

to the boy who...

238k its similar to the previous one (written by the same author ibbsterkisster) and i found it to read to cope with the first one not being finished. yes this is like 3x as long sighs we all know how it is. anyway its similar except reggie is like his boy toy instead... which is even worse. anyway i cant remember anything about the jegulus but i DO remember that evan was so sweet (as he is) he like stroked the bruise on reggies wrist very gently :facepalm: and that scene lives rent free in my brain.

blood on my shirt, heart in my hand

22k and id just like to say, this is the kind of horror that i like. its kinda a mystery at first but its not so creepy, and the jegulus endgame is stronger than a bulletproof vest. so james is having dreams which are vaguely murderous, and when he wakes up the events like kinda match up. turns out hes like having some repetitive dissociative episode every night at 12.37am and getting up to murder people. and after the first time reggie was just like 'well if ur in then im in too' and straight up helps him murder people ?!? i loved it. murder husbands.

the long game

250k and this is the most unique fic youll get here. modern high school au where reggie is like this god genius talented painter and they work on a musical set together, and reggie gets an art show and idk why this stood out to me but he drew like a green soft and a purple cushion and was like... this represents me and evan, cos were ok separately but great together. i read this so long ago i cant even remember what i thought of it

jealousy, jealousy

85k + unfinished again!! anyway so bartylus fake date so james and evan can get jealous and then they both end up together. i just remember it was so cute because they would just hug each other like constantly all the time, and cry at the smallest inconvenience, then their friend/boyfriend would go and lie with them in bed and hug them and that was like a very significant portion of it. and im not even complaining this is the type of physical affection they deserve

pathological people pleaser

114k but it passed so fast?!?! james is so fuckin unstable man like get a therapist. ok i actually enjoyed this so much because for some reason i was really into horror (it was literally 2 days ago) and this wasnt horror but they did not reveal like why james was so fucked, and which parts of his narration were unreliable until quite a bit in. also there was more than a month gap between me bookmarking this one and the last one and like i dont even know what i did with myself??? (actually i lied i read more fanfiction i just forgot i did cos i forgot to bookmark it) (summary: summer holiday where starchaser fall in love also effie died in a car crash on the way to james after he called and was like mom im gonna kms. ok but it was really well written and full of suspense)

anti-hero

237k and i just finished it so its fresh in my mind (for once) ok now that i think about it i have no idea why regulus lived that first time... maybe i didnt read closely enough but like when fics are that long i kinda just miss some stuff or forget it and they all blur together anyway. ok so firstly i want a story of james and regulus in this universe when they were still at hogwarts because like having a secret relationship for 2 years and also doing drugs.. just the hurt comfort ahhh maybe without all the hurt and yelling but whatever. cant have it all. anyway this was so well written i always like narcissa tbh. glad james and regulus sorted out their shit eventually even though it took so. fucking. long. anyway yikes (summary: reggie lives after the cave and they go horcrux hunting and kill voldy but then reggie fucks off to america and becomes a drug addict again but comes back, and james has anger issues but only when it comes to regulus anyway they kept hurting each other that i didnt even feel sad anymore when it happened) addition: oml reggie being an addict + nic in beautiful boy the stars aligned finally i get some visual scenes in this fandom

doing a word count sum of the above and its: 6 million and 476 thousand...

meetings that start in the dark

656k and oml i was SEMI HOOKED. honestly like why did it take them so fucking long to get back together like the moment Voldemort dropped dead James should have been unable to stay away from regulus. anyway love how they're obsessed with each other, love how Luna and Harry are playing matchmaker. and i especially love how Sirius was the lame embarrassing parent ahah. also the amount of bs evan has to put up with from reg and barty... jesus christ i loved them in this except for how he was buff girl no evan is a twink and this fic wont change my mind

sometimes, running away does solve all your problems

15k so reggie literally walks out of his house and his parents dont even notice and he runs away and meets james and they live together it was perfect omfg i loved it so so so much. it had the same sad, resigned tone as the dsmp fics that i was obsessed with before and would reread over and over. and the small village quiet life is a dream

27 club

27k and why was it so heavy oml like i didn't sign up for this sadness. ok so reggie is DEAD but before that he and James were like lovers and drug buddies but also lacked healthy communication. james is like bye imma get clean without u, the literal love of my life. the whole thing was so sad because it would be like one bit of 'oh and they were in love and making music' and then another bit of 'james was mourning so hard he couldnt get out of bed'. it was lowkey magical to read except for how hes dead.

you missed my heart

100k and omfg im in shock tbh. like what the actual fuck. I'm in shock in an "im unsettled and creeped out" way. i don't even know why because ive read serial killer jegulus fics before and it was all peachy, but maybe this one was so creepy because we were in the dark, and the killing isn't unrealistic and romanticised. James was so smitten with regulus too I'm crying i was actually convinced that reggie wasn't the killer. i need soft regulus fluff to cope with this. to erase the image of reggie being a psychopath. omg Sirius after finding out the truth.. poor boy was like catatonic. I'm never reading unhappy ending fics again I've become weak my heart can't take it

I'm going to start including the shorter fanfics that i read and are memorable as well because i don't discriminate

which means i have a lot of catching up to do

the moment and the sound

29k so james runs away with harry to escape voldemort and meets reggie by chance. they live together and james is like straight up depressed. i liked this fic but also forgot what it was like.

raise hell

30k it's basically about them being angels and demons and working together to idk stop the world from ending. i liked the tone of the fic in that everyone was like set in their ways and was like wtf at everyone else but also i wish it was longer and there was more about each person's like representation like Sirius being the angel of justice. also it was so funny regulus the angel of diligence and James the demon of lust.

blackpool

63k and omg it was so well written but i was so confused the whole time cos i have no literary ability. like regulus being a straight up unreliable narrator?!?! deadass in shock half the time reading this tbh

calm before the storm

51k and i could draw a graph of the shock factor of this fic and it would look like a staircase with 3 steps. at the start it was so happy and cute and i was like omg why did i click on this again and then sirius dies and james loses his memory and reggie is like fucked up that's the first step up and then they heal whatever but then reggie straight up starts murdering people and making a show out of it i read it all like 😳😳. unhinged fr, and also everyone tried to kts at least once like besties go see a therapist please

pink lemonade

121k band tour au where they sing (i think mostly) arctic monkeys songs and kudos because the lyrics all fit so well to whatever clown ass miscommunication situation jegulus have going on. it was relationship angst and maybe i would have enjoyed it more if i read it earlier but rn i need action and thrill. i was like to my irl friend like miscommunication angst isn't enough for me anymore i need murder and she was like girl wtf.

youngblood

75k basically jegulus were roommates in juvenile detection and they had such a deep soul connection in the 2 months and then never reconnected until like 9 years later. ok anyway my favourite part was James and how he was so unhinged. like literally provoking bullies so they hurt him is his form of sh... girl get a grip honestly but also respect for the idgaf factor

mercy

36k so james gets possessed by a ??demon called mercy and reg is an exorcist... so its very obvious what drew me into this. anyway james lives at regs house while hes figuring out what the fuck is wrong with him and they just ??? fall in love. ok slow burn was not really burning at all more like a ticking bomb but the horror was cute. also i found it at night and then read it all at like 8-9am in the morning before getting out of bed so i cant remember it but it was well written and the demon was lowkey cute too he was just out for drama which i can relate

[jordanraye47]

Izzy headcanons that aren’t an entire fic🔥

Answers scam callers the best way possible “hi welcome to Pete’s roadkill pizzeria where yesterdays loss is todays sauce, how may o help you?” Like that’s her duty

Considering she’s a literal famous actor, she probably has a social media accounts, and even though she rarely posts, when she does, she’s on the damn edge of being canceled.

^ “damn getting arrested for no reason🔥 guess orangre really is the new black”

Speaking of spelling mistakes (no I don’t know how to spell organge), she has dyslexia.

She’s not th favourite kid we could all tell.

Regardless of how much she smiles normally, she can not for the life of her smile for pictures. So 90% of the time her pictures looks like an alien that hasn’t quite figured out where they are, or just a thumbs up.

Thst or that stupid Lin manuela (I think that’s his name) pose.

Speaks crazy many languages, including ASL

She has very good curls, just doesn’t care to take manage them (yes this is me being desperate for representation of girls with curly hair that doesn’t know how to mangene them)

That and the reason she wears the bathing cap is because chlorine FUCKS UP curly hair oh my gosh soaking from experience 🙏

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Scarlett is her older sister.

dicorced nightgown porch cigarette mom and Texan truck motel dad that doesn’t give a shit what their kids do.

Always slightly thrown off when someone is nice to her bushes so used to Noah and Eva’s “mean love” or whatever you call it.

This girl did NOT have friends in school she BIT the other students

Favorite subject is art and sience (I have dyslexia you stuf don’t correct me)

So smart and also so stupid ^ “so what’s the square root of 589 iz?” “24.269.” “ok so do you think Pluto should be considered a planet?” “No of course not he’s a dog. Did you not watch Mickey Mouse”

“Parents got confused and chose daughter on anti-psychotics”

deadass i think her pshycosis is a genuine problem to her but it’s so easy to take it as a joke so she just goes along. (Read “artificial lawns” on AO3 by necrosys its very well explained there)

Has THE most vile t-shirts ever and she wears them in public with a pair of long ads jorts like she’d Adam sandler

Like these <33 - she lives on a farm it’s true she told me

She’s actually pretty funny she just can’t tell a joke without laughing at it herself

She is banned from the kitchen in every kitchen in the world

Izzy Cody and Duncan would be such a fucked up trio I’d love them

I got this from @kijosakka but she’s a really good braided us give her like 20 minutes.

Still has all her baby teeth in a jar

I wanna write some angsty ones so bad but I’m not putting you guys through all that.

I truly believe that Heather and Izzy used to be so good friends but after Heather got a teste of sweet popularity she didn’t hesitate to leave Izzy behind.

She has a secret room in her room

Snacks on yogurt and frozen fruit

She’s covered in freckles so badly like it’s top to toe

Can raise one eyebrow

her mother or herself are the only ones that cut her hair

^ and she has probably never been to a proper hairdresser

That’s all i have for today don’t forget to like and subscribe if you want morir epic content 🔥🔥

[edwinspaynes]

For the character asks, both Edwin and Niko?

YES BLORBOS FROM MY SHOW.

(Send me a character and I'll break their ass down!)

EDWIN

How I feel about this character

Absolutely fucking feral he is my every waking thought. Love this man so much. One of my absolute favourite ever little guys for sure. No one has ever hit like him besides 4 characters I've had for like 10 years. I like this guy on par with only 4 other characters and I HAVE HAD THE OTHERS FOR A DECADE. How this man wormed his way into my heart so fast is ebndjewnwekndwek.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Listen, I do like Catwin as a story to explore, but Payneland is deadass like. My OTP. #1 OTP along with Thomastair. I am obsessed with them and I love writing them. They are perfect together. They are THE Do Not Separate Sold as a Set. 1000/10

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Niko for sure <3 Catch me saying Edwin in the Niko section

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmm. Well, I think that it would be his ability to fight, to be honest. I don't think that he's unable to fight - I think that he's unable to fight like a gentleman. I'm sure he can go feral after 73 years in Hell.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish we got more canon :( But if I had to add something to season 1, it would be the Night Nurse asking what trauma he would like to relive, then grabbing his arm and screaming, and Edwin mirroring what the NN had said to Crystal: you really don't want to look in there

NIKO

How I feel about this character

I searched for a heart-eyes gif, but I think she would prefer the heart donut. So. Like this.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Crystal!!! I think Palasaki has a lot of potential and want to see it develop. I am having fun writing it in my fics!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Edwin. Honestly that friendship is one of the biggest highlights of the show for me, all of their scenes hit hard.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't think I have one. Niko is the best. 1000/10 no notes.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I WANT S2 SO WE CAN COMPLETE HER ARC. I feel like she got the short end of the stick in terms of the cancelation which SUCKS because she's one of my favourite characters. But if I had to change something in season 1, I'd love to add a flashback of her and her dad so we could see them together.

[conanssummerchild]

it's been so long but if you ever think you got it wrong(I'm right where you left me)

sorrysorry lol I was just listening to it and was like "that sounds like that one fic by conanssummerchild!!"

THAT IS. that is deadass my favourite song on kid crow omg marry me the story fucking SUPREMACY ily

(and also you can call me alex if you want <3)

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf got me SOBBING bro, your writing is immaculate 🫡🙏🏼

PRAISE MAKES ME ANXIOUS

Do you like read more cus I put a read more on this one cus as per usual my response turned into this:

I am deadass so nervous because I am like 15 chapters written in advance right now, so everyone's being so kind about chapters I wrote like over a month ago and now I'm so nervously rereading my new ones worried they'll be disappointing.

What was essentially the Robb era of hotgw has come to an end, and we're about to enter the Jon era and a lot of my favourite parts of this series are in these next unreleased chapters. A lot of set up in the first 15 chapters has been building up to so much of what's going to start playing out and I can't help but feel nervous everytime yall are so nice. Because now I'm entering that prime era of:

"Remember when Game of Thrones was really good then it started going downhill and everyone ended up hating it?"

Now I'm looking at what is much more going to be more original not show/book dependent content and I'm like: WHAT IF THEY HATE IT WHAT IF IM JUST AS A DISASTER AS SEASON FUCKING 7.

Also I mean kudos to yall still sticking with it because this fucking series is so long. I just finished chapter 30 on Monday and I still am on what would be the plot equivalent of early season 7. I still haven't actually gotten to fucking winter yet. (Which to be fair plays out a lot different then the show so it's not going to be even comparable)

And the Jon era of the series starts having more flashbacks and other povs (granted typically those chapters are longer to make up for it), and a lot of scenes are what I call classic season 1-4 GoT scenes which are mostly just quiet dialouge that doesnt necessarily move the plot forward but are necessary for character development, world building, and narrative themes and foreshadowing.

That and I'm in the era of "Jon was fucking abysmally mistreated and miserable in the show by this point" so my Jon frame of reference is so skewed by bad characterization I'm worried he comes off as out of character. Whereas other characters I'm immensely proud of my work such as my character work for Theon Greyjoy, Selyse Baratheon, and Olly specifically. I really love the work I put into what I think was really bad late show (season 5 fof Selyse, season 6 for Olly, and season 6 - 8 for Theon) and yet I'm also finding writing Jon to come so naturally to me yet I'm worried I somehow will do worse then..

Also I start really cementing certain positions I hold now, especially in regards to hot topics such as my opinions about Jon being a rape victim of Ygritte, my opinions on the subject of dragons and Targaryean restoration, stuff about Robert's Rebellion I've purposely ignored, and I start including a very specific book plot ignored by the show and can only hope show only or show preferring fans will not get taken out of it for those plots being used instead of certain show ones.

I'm just really passionate about asoiaf and early Game of Thrones I always have been and finding the motivation to write 30 chapters of like an average of 11k each for a fic is insane to me and its baffling anyone still reads it let alone likes it.

But it's my favorite series I've ever done, I think about it pretty much non stop, all day everyday. If I'm not writing I am actively outlining and brainstorming and rewatching and re reading the show and books to make sure I have a grasp in this world and its characters in a fair manner. asoiaf/GoT was one of the biggest influences on my musing influences and direction as a fiction writer. It has always been more special to me then I've talked about (mostly because during its prime peak I was in high school and college and was not terribly active in fandom due to work load) and then when I got back into it it was after the final season and all anyone wanted to talk about was how bad it got. I look at the final 3 and a half (I think season 5 is mostly bad but Castle Black is a great storyline right up until the comedy that is dumb and dumber just ending the Baratheon storyline for good cus it was between writing Euron "Bick Cock" Finger in the Bum, or writing a real storyline for one of your moat interesting morally grey characters that was post blackwater Stannis) but I like figuring out why it's bad and where it could have taken those ideas to make them work and a lot of that meta became aspects of hotgw, and its essentially an extension of what I love about this series regardless of the bad.

This went on for a long time for no reason, JUST LIKE MY HOTGW CHAPTER LENGTHS-

[moyazaika]

im currently in love with all of your oc's and just.. wow i don't think i've been like this before because i literally just binge read your entire masterlist LMAO

you just write them, well, rich and as a dude stuck in customer service it's my dream to be swept away by some rich guy 💀💀

i was curious too if you had any fun facts about any of them! like what's their favorite color? favorite food? how many languages do they speak? are they willing to learn darlings native language? (my first language is korean so im sorry if they're any grammar/spelling mistakes, english is hard haha)

take care! thank you for sharing your ocs with everyone!!

WHHHH thank you sm dude this is always so nice to hear !!! also your english is amazing so pls dont apologise ^^

and i am unfortunately a sucker for rich men. i think im self projecting into deadass everything i write ☠️☠️

quick fun facts on dean, harper, and val bc i barely talk about them ???

dean, the slasher.

dean can only speak english, despite being half west asian. but he's absolutely willing to learn ur language!!

his fic is set in the late 20th century, so cus tech's still pretty new (??) he's the yan most likely to whisk u away to a secret cabin in the woods with seventeen cats where ur likely to never be found again

he's old money, so bro's never worked a day in his life. from one of those filthy rich dysfunctional families whose kids end up being psychopaths. also why he's a literal slasher cus he knows he's above the law LOL

harper, the delinquent.

man this guy is such a bitch boy. can speak french and english, already learnt your native language before you even had ur first conversation cus he's devoted fr

fav food is anything you like cus he's braindead and he's literally one of those annoying people who copy everything u do and make it their whole personality trait like he won't like something until u like it. even if u say you love something he hates he's suddenly switching up.

touched on his delinquent haps in the fic but to delve deeper, he's pretty well respected in his scene. the sappy, whiny side to him you see? that's only for your eyes. to everyone else, it's a wonder you're still alive after rejecting his thirty-six confessions but hey, who's counting???

valentine

speaks vietnamese, and english fluently. can understand chinese, but not able to read or write it. learns your language when the two of you 'break up' in hopes of impressing u with it and getting back together with the 76 voicemails he leaves in your language, (despite u having him blocked) claiming how much he loves u. bro has the best poetic rizz as a writer.

his fav food is anything that reminds him of home, but also has a massive sweet tooth. think chè chuối and caramen hoa quả. his favourite colour is pink, because that was the colour of the sky the first time he ever saw you, when the sun was setting.

started off pretty average, but after the movies he writes for his director brother topped the box office multiple times, he's now living really well in the city of merit, which is a fictional city that feroze and kenji also live in canonically :) think like chongqiing vibes

[straighttohellbuddy]

are you open to your work being podficced? also 🌻🤍

I'd deadass cry with joy if my work was podficced!! Not only am I open to it, I highly encourage it!! I consider it the highest fucking compliment omg. Like I've never listened to an actual audiobook, but MULTIPLE of my favourite fanfics, I've never actually read, I've just listened to the podfic on repeat.

If you or anyone else would like to podfic my work, PLEASE do so ❤️❤️❤️

Also I meant to answer this so much sooner but Ive been doing A LOT of work over this past few days!! But I seriously love these questions and I love you!!

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

I'd never consciously give up on writing, nothing in the world would ever make me want to do that. It's such a fundamental part of my being. Even if I didn't publish anything I'd still be writing, it's who I am as a person. I may not always have the time to write, so if I "give up" it's only because I wasn't able to prioritise writing at that point in time, but there's absolutely nothing that could make me even consider giving up writing.

And part of that is the other side of the coin; there's two things that keep me writing, and one of them is that if I don't write, the ideas stay in my head for far longer than they have any right to. I have to create or else I'll get overloaded, I need to write so I can clear that brain space.

The other thing that keeps me going is the overwhelming kindness I've been so lucky to receive from the people who've read my stories. Seriously, the messages and comments I've received I will treasure for years to come. Writing is how I cope with the overwhelming amount of love I have for the media I consume, and I have been so lucky to have had that love returned back to me from the amazing people who read my work ❤️❤️❤️

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

This is a tricky one, because by the nature of X Reader fics I think they need to be pretty accessible in one way or another, and honestly I'm fortunate enough to be a reasonably competent writer, so if I set out with a certain intention, usually it comes through in my work.

Maybe is it too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you borders on being too meta for its own good, it could do with an edit probably 😅😅 so it's not that people don't "get" it, but I think different people will get different things out of it, specifically I think that as much as it is a love letter to the readers, there's moments of acknowledgement of the, idk, inherent vulnerability of publishing this kind of writing online, as well as reassurance, for both readers but also especially fellow x reader writers, that the fact that enjoying x reader fics (reading and writing) as an inherently self indulgent practice is should be accepted and even celebrated. Also smthn about x reader fics being a healthier way to simp for/parasocially obsess over people so long as the actual person is treated with respect. There's a lot in that fic that's hard to describe. I love it so much.

[zingaplanet]

Tagged by: @kuhcra 🙌❤️

Sign: I'm an aquarius, i never really get these things, come on astrology mutuals tell me smth about myselffff, am i gonna die and become a cat? Am i destined to save the world from a catastrophic alien invasion?

Height: I'm 172cm ish!

Last thing I googled:

Believe it or not, the Reading fest ticket, I'm contemplating whether 100 quid is worth it to get smashed to a pumpkin amidst crowds of thousands to watch the Killers play

Number of followers: hmm i dunno around 400ish? Doesn't matter tho, I love. Every. Single. One. Of. My. Mutuals. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i also love that all of you come from different fandoms and come here to be chaotic with me or be introduced to some completely random ships lol. My page is a fandom networking platform n i won't have it any other way!

Amount of sleep: oof I'm an old man. I need my 8 hours beauty sleep. Sometimes 9 hours on weekends lol

Lucky #: I've absolutely no idea what this means, tumblr lingo expert help?

Wearing: A knitted sweater, cozy pajama pants and CHRISTMAS SOCKS! I luv my festive socks 🧦🧦🧦

Dream job: Oooohhhhh this is so difficult. Ok there are 2 things to this (leave it to me to overcomplicate stuffs lol)

Within the unachievable realm I've always wanted to be a musician (Hency my profile background!). I kinda almost did, I taught piano for quite some time, and was in a band for a long time. Hey you never know, might get called to headline glastonbury anytime, hang out with Alex Turner backstage and never have to work a day in my life anymore 😉

Frankly I just dream of playing a rock concert with my band at the royal albert hall and crowdsurfing the dead-est, posh-est crowd ever just cause i thought it'd be hilarious to see their faces 🥲 lol

In the slightly more achievable realm within my field right now, my dream job is to work in the UN peacekeeping or other international conflict orgs to help broker peace deals and help resolve some of the conflict stalemates around the world. I've worked with humanitarian charities before but I get really frustrated seeing so many efforts gone to waste cause the bureaucrats on top just couldn't be bothered to sacrifice their political interests for longlasting peacekeeping efforts. Sorry this is such a geeky answer! It's just that I've seen so many unnecessary sufferings and I just really really want to be in a position where I can at least make my mark to do smth good to change the world for better before I die!

Movies/books that summarise me: prob Orwell's 1984 lol, i'll leave it to you to interpret why

Favourite song: Oh this is so difficult! My current fav is by the Belgian artist Stromae, the one he made as a tribute to Cesária Évora, one of the greatest living singers of all time!

My current fav album and something that you DEF DEF DEF should listen to is the new album by the Canadian indie band Peach Pit called From 2 to 3. It has that old school road trip feel good vibes with your friends during a cross-country, it calms the soul and soothes the mind just uuggghh absolute masterpiece! (My fav track is give up baby go!)

Fav instrument: My bass! Especially my fender jazzmaster bass Rory ❤️ it's been my date for 23 years

Aesthetic: Have you seen the riverside of Thames in autumn?

Fav author: I don't read a lot of non-fictions anymore sadly, but I love poetries and literature. Jeanette Winterson is one of the only I feel that can really capture the essence of our souls and unearth emotions as raw as our hearts. Here's her masterpiece from Lighthousekeeping:

Fav animal noise: 🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬

Random: my dear mutuals, I am working on 2 deadass long angsty carraville and fedal fics that might never get finished but I'm committed to see them to the end even if it takes years!

On another note, if somehow our interests overlap again, the last fic I did was on pepmou. It's so sappy, I don't even know how I got through it! But if you're feeling a bit in need of enemies to lovers... ⬇️⬇️

Enjoy the tag my lovelies: @surreality51 @aramblingjay @tam-is-blogging @aliceinqueensland

[rachi-roo]

One Puff

Haikyuu! Nishinoya X reader (platonic)

Summary: Noya learned about the fact you smoke the forbidden lettuce and decided he wanted to give it a try. Just for fun.

Fluff. Tiggles.

Warnings: Drug use

This is my first X reader fic, so please be gentle 😅❤️

_________________________________________

17 is an important age for most growing people, it's a time to have fun and learn about yourself. It's also a time for experimentation, a path that must be tread carefully but is okay to explore.

It was the summer holidays. Noya had come over to spend the night. He's done this a few times with you now, he's even got his favourite seat picked out.

"Aaah, I really need to get myself one of these." Noya sighed, leaning back into your enormous beanbag which he had claimed as his spot.

You chuckled looking at the small boy being engulfed by the fuzzy mass. His feet dangling inches above the floor, swinging happily.

"I'll get you one for your birthday." You say in a genuine tone, heading to your kitchen to grab some drinks.

Noya sat forward in the beanbag, feet still not touching the floor, shocked by your statement. "For real? Deadass??"

"Deadass, bro."

"Bro." He chuckled.

"The catalogue I found it in is in the draw, just on your left." You called from the kitchen, deciding to also gather the snacks whilst you were out there.

Noya snorted. "Who still uses catalogues?" He sniggered, leaning over to reach for the small cabinet by his side, pulling the draw open. "Wow, apparently you still use catalogues." He chuckled, taking out the paperback and looking at the cover.

As he lifted the book from the draw, he heard a metallic clunk from inside. Fearing he might have broken something, he leaned further over, peering inside. "No way."

In the kitchen, you looked at your pile of goodies, making sure you had all Noyas favourites.

"Hey, yyyyyy/nnnnn?" You hear him call and turn, seeing him stood in the doorway with a grin. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, holding up a small, metal smoking pipe.

"Indulging in the devil's lettuce, are we?" He chuckled, admiring the pipe and its funky, intricate patterns.

You feel your heart race. The last thing you ever wanted was any of the boys finding out. Better hide it in a safer place next time. You narrow your eyes, moving to take the pipe from him but he snatches it away with a grin. Damn his gremlin reflexes.

"C'mon, Noya, just give it back." You sigh, holding your hand out like a dog owner waiting for their pup to drop the ball.

He looked at you with a smile. "Can I try some?"

Well, that was an unexpected statement.

"Huh?" You raise a brow, staring at him for a moment.

He nods, re-enforcing his statement. "Please?"

It shouldn't be that surprising that this little ball of fearlessness would want to try something so daring. But, these are drugs. Yes mild drugs that wouldn't cause him any harm or lasting damage, but still drugs.

"Pretty please?" He asked again, tilting his head and giving you his best puppy eyes.

"I mean... If that's what you really want." You say quietly, thinking it over. There's a possibility that if you say no now, Noya would go and try to find his own. And the thought of him getting into the wrong group or even buying a bad strain or having a bad trip on his own scares you.

It would be safer to let him try here, where he's safe and you can take care of him.

"It is what I really want. A lot of people have been bigging it up recently I want to see what the fuss is all about." Noya grinned, that fearlessness was going to be his downfall eventually.

"You reeeally think you can handle it?" You ask, earning a puffy cheeked huff from your little friend.

He folded his arms, grinning proudly. "Have you forgotten who you're talking to? It's me, Nishinoya the guardian angel, Libero! I can handle anything!" He chuckled, bouncing slightly on his toes.

You sigh, there's no point arguing with the little guy. "Alright. Okay, go sit your butt down." You smile, giving him an affectionate shove back into the lounge. He hopped back into his nest of a beanbag scooting his backside a little so he was comfy, grinning and swinging his dangling legs as you follow him in holding a pile of snacks and drinks.

He gasps as you toss him his favourite bag of popcorn, which he tears into without a second thought. "Mh, you're the best." He grinned, watching you sit on the carpet in front of him after retrieving the pipe and other items needed for smoking.

"I know, I know." You chuckle, starting to pack the bowl of the pipe.

Obviously saying pack isn't the right term here. You didn't fill the bowl even half as much as you usually did. Giving Noya as much as you normally smoke wouldn't end well. You only put in a mere crumb in comparison.

Noya sat munching his popcorn, watching in awe as you prepped. Luckily he was already wearing his pyjama shirt and trousers, having changed pretty much as soon as he arrived.

"Purple haze?" He repeated, eyes darting to look at the grinder where the rest of your pot lived.

You nodded. "Yup. Haze makes you sleepy, cush makes you chatty. Although the effects are varied for most people." You explain, handing him the pipe, careful not to spill the content.

"Last chance, are you sure you want to try this?"

"Heck yes!" He beamed excitedly, holding the pipe to his lips. You turn the pipe so it's tilted at a slight angle, igniting your lighter with a flick.

"Okay... And, suck like its a straw... Now breath in through the mouth... And out." You smile, talking him through the process.

Noya starts coughing and spluttering as he exhaled, cringing at the taste and feeling as the smoke burned in his throat. That was to be expected. "You're alright, buddy. Here." You gently encouraged him to have a drink, handing him a glass of milk. The best way to help this kind of cough.

He downed the glass, sighing. "Geez, how do people do that without-*cough* choking?" He asked, his voice strained through a few splutters.

You chuckle. "I've been smoking this for years now and I still cough. People who don't cough are just good at hiding it." You stand, disposing of the burned marajuana crumbs in the kitchen sink before quickly returning to the lounge, keeping an eye on your little friend.

Noya sat for a moment, humming and playing with his fingers. "When is it supposed to start working?" He asked, making himself nervous.

"Any moment now. Pot works fast when you smoke it. Just relax, buddy." You reassure him, gently petting his hair. He nodded, leaning back into his beanbag, keeping his bag of popcorn in his lap.

"Lemme find something for you to watch." You smile, picking up the TV remote and looking through the channel list. Sticking on a wildlife documentary. "Oooh, Attenborough. Love this guy." He grinned, taking another handful of popcorn.

Not even two minutes into the show, Noya started feeling weird. Something wasn't right. He felt heavy yet his heart was racing like crazy. Everything around him looked like it was in HD, his eyes unable to just look at one thing.

You glanced over to him from your spot on the couch, he had stopped eating his snack and looked a little pale. "Hey." You walk to his side, gently taking his hand and rubbing his knuckles. "You feeling alright, buddy?" You ask, looking at his eyes.

Bloodshot whites, heavy eyelids, his pupils the size of an atom. He was zooted.

He didn't even turn his head to look at you, just kept staring forward, mouth slightly agape. "I- uh-..." He swallowed hard, taking a breath. "I think I'm havin' a stroke."

Ah, that old chestnut that a lot of smokers have been through.

You smile, gently running a hand through his hair. "You're not having a stroke buddy, I promise."

"How do you know?" He asked, lip quivering slightly, he's freaking himself out.

"Hey, hey, Noya. Look at me." You move his popcorn onto the coffee table and gently cup his cheeks. "You aren't having a stroke. What you're experiencing is a drop in blood pressure. It's normal, okay?"

He looked at you for a moment before nodding. "Kay... But, can you just like... Make sure?" He looked frightened, of course you were going to help him see that he's okay.

"Sure buddy. Can you raise your arms?" You ask, crouching in front of him and holding his knees reassuringly.

He took a second to register what you said before lifting his arms. "Am I doing it?"

"Yeah buddy, you got it." You reassure, an idea popping into your head. "Now we need to make sure you can still smile." As you say this, your hands sneak up his body, poking at his exposed underarms, making him quickly drop them in an attempt to protect himself; only trapping your hands underneath instead.

"H-Hey! Wahait!" He sniggered, legs kicking slightly as he wriggled deeper into the beanbag. "Y/N! It tihickles! Ahaha!"

And there it was, that sweet little smile and happy laughter. After a second you let up, he continued giggling, a bright blush painted on his cheeks. He turned his head away, burying it in the beanbags fluff. Apparently high Noya is a shy Noya.

He peeked out from the fluff, seeing you smile at him and quickly hiding again with a laugh.

"Awww. Noya getting all embarrassed?" You cooed, happy that he wasn't freaking out anymore.

He grinned. "Dohooon't, y/n!" He whined, giggling. Uh oh, now he's got the giggles and that smile seemed stuck on his cheeks.

"Don't whaaat? I'm just making sure you're okay." You say, starting to scitter your nails up and down the soles of his socked feet, causing him to yelp and try to sit up.

"Y/n! Wahait! T-That's not fahahair! I can't - AHAhaha!" His sentence was broken off by a wave of boyish laughter as you moved your devilish nails up under his toes, getting right into those sensitive areas that Noya had so finely tuned with all that work he put into the volleyball.

"Wahahait! Ahaha! Nahahat thehere!" Unable to sit up from the pit of a beanbag, all he could do was kick his legs. Stuck like an upturned turtle.

His nose scrunched up as he laughed freely, the high from the pot making him even gigglier than usual, unfortunately it also made him more sensitive too. Though he wasn't really complaining.

Your hands slither up to his knees, squeezing and reverse-raking over the caps, making the blonde-tipped boy squeal as his hands playfully fought with yours trying to reclaim his knees.

"Gehet ohohoff!"

"Nawww, look at you, all happy and giggly. Let's try here~" You tease, moving up to his hips, pinching the small amount of puppy fat protecting the bone. At the same time, Liberos shirt had ridden up, exposing the other teeny little pudge over his belly. It was just begging for attention, so you gave it some, with a big fat raspberry.

Noya snorted as he descended into silent hysterics for a moment, bucking his hips as his legs flailed wither side of your waist. His hands didn't know where to go, so they just latched onto your shirt. "Stahahahap! Ahaha! P-Plehease! Y/N! I'm gonna pehehehee!"

And when you're high, that's entirely possible, so that was your que to let up. Releasing Noya from your tickly hold and quickly fetching him another glass of milk.

"See?" You smile, softly running your fingers through his messy hair. "You're doing just fine buddy."

He turned away as he tried to drink, struggling to get a sip in between his bouts of giggles. He was happy though.

Now that the first-hand panic was out of the way and he was now sure that he wasn't having a stroke, he could enjoy his high properly.

You stayed sat by his side, keeping an eye on him as he gazed around the room, occasionally fixing on one item for a moment or two before moving onto the next. He lifted his hands in front of him, looking at the lines on his palms, making random pointing and swishing movements in the air before becoming distracted by the TV again.

He would giggle at random things in the nature documentary. The funny sounds a Meerkat made, the Dolphins breaching together in the waves, cute little baby Elephants rolling in a puddle. He quietly mimicked some of the sounds they made, also making himself giggle and hide behind his hands with a kick of his feet.

You smile, watching as he grew tired. Heading to your bedroom, you grabbed a nice fleece blanket and a pillow, coming back and gently draping the blanket over Noyas bottom half, setting the pillow just beside his head to lean on.

He looked at you whilst you made sure he was comfy, giving a tired, half-lidded, smile. Returning the smile, you gently stroke the tip of his nose, just a little trick you'd learned that helped people relax, his eyes fluttered shut and in moments he was out like a light.

"Night night, fearless Libero." You smile, turning the TV off and getting comfortable on the sofa across the room, with another blanket. You sat watching Noya for a while, he just looked so peaceful, and in the morning he was going to be back to his usual crazy self. No one would want him any other way.

---------------------} End {-----------------------

I think I went a little crazy with the word count XD Did I? I don't know 😅

Either way! This has been sat in my wips for waaaaay too long and I'm just glad I finally managed to get it finished! 🙌

[jennifersminds]

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with? Did it turn into a story?

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with? Did it turn into a story?

qvnthesia asked this too and my answer stands however I would like to also offer my notes app -

I sincerely hope I get too turn all of these into fics because I’m already having sm fun with them but yes. I’ll let you guys choose the strangest of these lmao.

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

This is so difficult because I basically keep every comment in a locked box next to my heart lmao. I feel like I say it sm but I’m endlessly blown away by the responses I’ve gotten to my fic. It means sm and I love literally every word but I will go through and find some that I’ve found particularly meaningful.

All of your reviews are wonderful, there’s some people I really look forward to hearing from when I update and you’re definitely one of them. You’re reviews give me so much to think about while also being endlessly encouraging so thank you <3 - specifically your comment on the most recent plastic crown chapter “torture stands in for courtship between the two of them.” because like... It’s so true and definitely something I’ve been trying to communicate with pc elejah but that words it perfectly. Like Elijah really said “I’m gonna respect your space, can’t be with you however I will torture you ex boyfriend's and send you some handwritten notes ily bby have fun in vegas’ 

I love any review that included how late it is, while I’m concerned for my readers sleep schedule as someone who has stayed up many a night reading fics its really cool when people are like “it’s x am but I needed to finish this”. It’s like ‘ily sm ty you have made me happier than anything- now sleep.’

I once got a comment that said plastic crown was giving Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn vibes which made my whole life because that’s deadass my favourite book and my favourite author and her style is definitely a huge influence on both my writing and soul.  Comment was by noheteroexplanation on ao3 and I think they follow me here so if you see this hi ily.

“you’ve weaved this incredible journey that makes me feel as though I’m immersed in hazy dreams of sunshine and bubblegum scented trauma.“ Is actually my favourite way anyone has described my writing or plastic crown itself. 

I feel like this answer is already too long so I won’t do too much more but I do just wanna do a general callout to all of the people who review. I don’t wanna call anyone out incase they’d rather I didn’t but I do wanna say if you have ever reviewed something I wrote whether it was a paragraph or a bunch of emoji’s I have appreciated it sm like you have no idea <3

[crossdressingdeath]

Abigail's death (like, the real one) was such a moment for the show and Will, really; still, I love a good Murder Family fic. Like, Will was on the way to being a parent, even back then, with Hannibal and while we never get to see none of that, I deadass can imagine Hannibal protesting but just full on giving Will all he wants, like marriage, a house, more kids and triple the dogs 💀💀 Would Will even want that? (He probably just want peace and his bunch of dogs, who am I kidding) I just know domestic Hannigram is the funniest sh*t ever and I appreciate how authors have fun with that.

Honestly I found Abigail's (real) death a bit too abrupt, because it's "She's alive! Hannibal spared her so he and Will could have a family with a kid and- oh. Nope, she's dead again" within... what, five minutes? And then season three was like "She's alive! Her and Will are going after Hannibal together and maybe they'll be a family or maybe they'll kill him together and- oh. Nope, she was a hallucination the whole time". This is character death blue-balling, Fuller, either she's dead or she's not. (Anyone have thoughts about how Abigail would have appeared in season four?)

That said, I love domestic murder husbands. Honestly the healthier their post-fall/AU dynamic is the better it gets. My personal favourite is "That Nice Gay Couple Down The Street except one day you wake up to the news that the police showed up and they've gone on the run because turns out they're infamous cannibalistic serial killers, better hope they never invited you to dinner or if they did you politely turned them down", because that's just so fucking funny to me. Including Abigail in the family dynamic is also very good! Also, and slightly off-topic, another favourite fic trope is Will making Hannibal go vigilante as a compromise between "let's not kill anyone" and "let's kill people for being even slightly rude including murdering a teenager because she yelled at her mother for blocking her from seeing her friend who has just been orphaned and whose father just nearly murdered her" (I know that killing Marissa was partially just to fuck with Abigail's head but still), just because it's something that I can definitely see Will doing in a hypothetical season four; I don't like fics where Will is super down with murdering anyone Hannibal wants to murder or fics where Will makes Hannibal stop altogether because neither of those match the existing dynamic of Will being drawn to Hannibal's darkness and the murder seduction and everything but also being genuinely just a better person than Hannibal. He likes the killing, he's drawn to it, he's not going to demand Hannibal stop entirely, but he's also not happy with the whole "this person said something slightly rude to me three years ago so I'm going to kill them slowly and painfully" thing (and he does only kill or try to kill killers himself in canon). Also imagining Jack and Alana and Chilton and Team Science responding to the realization that yes, the Chesapeake Ripper has actually gone full vigilante (because his murder husband told him to!) brings me great joy.

[edwinspaynes]

Do you have other TSC fanfictions aside from yours that you have enjoyed reading ? :)

Anything by @vwritesaus or @luciehercndale is amazing. They're definitely two of my all-time favourite fic authors, so you should check them out.

My favourites of their fics:

a (too few) hundred hearts (v, this is actually the fic that got me into reading fanfiction again instead of just writing it)

what's in a kiss? (by any other touch would feel just as sweet) (v, this fic literally owns my ass i reread it like once a week)

dear christopher (v)

breathe (v)

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures (tweety, yet another fic that owns my ass)

Thomas and Alastair: Forever and Always (tweety)

Happiness Was Itself a Chemical Reaction (tweety, deadass my fave Gracetopher fic ever)

A Different Kind of Music (tweety 18+)

To Grow as Strong as That Cherry Tree (tweety)

Some other fics I love in no particular order (the order is me clicking through my bookmarks):

Chain of Lies, a Thomastair-focused canon rewrite. Unfortunately it was never finished, but I was really into what's there.

paris, 1902: waiter's pov (Thomastair one-shot)

The Beginning of Forever (Wessa multichap, 18+) by @ashesandhoney

seventeen (paris, 1901) (alastair character study w/charles) by @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer

build yourself a citadel among the foothills of regret (alastair & matthew oneshot)

romeo must die (alastair telling charles off)

freckles (thomastair one-shot)

Under the Rain (Sophideon oneshot)

Pride and Prejudice (thomastair AU) by @tleeaves

In Which Bets Are Made (gideon and will oneshot) by @oursoulstheyplay

Thomas Lightwood and the Six Vaguely Familiar Cats (I definitely think about this every fucking day lol I'm so sad it was never completed)

Fine, I'll Go, But Only If there's Cake (matthew and alastair oneshot)

Tired of nothing left (alastair character study w charles)

I'm also really excited to read you are my unfinished business by @faithfromanewperspective, Qui Totum Vult Totum Perdit by @caterpillarinacave, and the electric devil by @thevagabondexpress. those are the next 3 on my TBR and those three are all dear, dear mutuals of mine. i haven't read them yet because the fics are longer and i want to actually take the time to process them and make nice comments and stuff, since they're my bros.

I'm sure I've missed some and for that I am sorry. These are just ones that stand out to me and yeah.

[nugnthopkns]

june fic round up!

genuinely thought i had more time to do this but that's life baby!! june saw a lot of tears on my part and hopefully lots of light on yours 💛 without further ado here are some fics that kept me sane this past month

smut is marked with *, minors dni

elias lindholm

loving you was a mistake* by @aereres

this shit hurted ngl. but in the best way possible. he just fits the rockstar stereotype so well and this is magical despite the pain it put me through

elias pettersson

for one night & one night only by @senditcolton

who doesn't love abba and mamma mia!?? a fun little fluff piece that i adore

erik johnson

fourth line grinder (6)* (7) by @horsesandhockeyplayers

love love love the development of this story!! can't wait to see where it goes and hopefully nell, erik, and grinder get the happy ending they deserve

jamie oleksiak

found you by @laurenairay

some sweet big rig content anyone? find it right here! i'm convinced nothing is better than this

joel farabee

like doves doves in the wind (3) (4) by @museinmind

two idiots in love. need i say more??! bee is whipped for mattie, which i respect because i too am in love with her. i never want this story to end

jonathan toews

plain jane (2) (3) (4)* (5)* by @princessphilly

i don't go here but i'm a whore for writers doing little universes so you know i had to hop on this train. there's a lot of tension so far which i adore!! it's going to make the end result taste so much sweeter

kevin hayes

hell of a view (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) by @danglesnipecelly

i am obsessed with this story. obsessed. the hard work and dedication that has been poured into it shows, and the result is a magical little world that i'd like to live in forever and ever

matthew tkachuk

paitence is a virtue (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)* (6)* by @spine-buster

i had been meaning to read this series for ages, so naturally i read it in the middle of writing an exam. but it's seriously so good, though has a bit of an unconventional pretence that is really intriguing. totally worth it, and i can't wait to make my way through the rest of the sbu!! (i don't why it won't let me link chap. 4 but you can find it on the masterlist!)

noah hanifin

loving you was worth it* by @aereres

i am LIVING for this little rock band au!! they all tie together so nicely and it's such a refreshing idea. love that we finally got a look into noah and aleena's relationship :))

sebastian aho

thunder only happens when it's raining (1) by @denis-scorianov

i will never hear dreams by fleetwood mac in the same way. this is a stunning start to something amazing and i find myself coming back to it over and over despite it only being an introduction to the world

sindey crobsy

all bets are off (12)* (13) (14) by @princessphilly

this series has been a rollercoaster in the best way possible. i love everything about sid and nina and will be so sad when this story ends

tyler seguin

and now i know it was always you by @shelbsatans

a fantastic finale to a little trilogy that stole my heart!!!! deadass i cried real tears and bawled my eyes out at so many parts. the details woven into this story are god tier

tyson jost

got this love thing going on by @antoineroussel

i! love! flick! and! tyson! and now she has a ring and they're gonna get married and i've already planned their wedding in my head

william nylander

take my hand, wreck my plans by @broadstbroskis

listen. fake dating to lovers might be my favourite trope in existence, and this fic does it so well!!! the mutual silent pining is 🤌 and i love that aubrey has a big crazy family

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜