#dead* i hate typing on mobile

[occamstfs]

Triple Shot Theft

Trying to nab himself a sweet treat, Liam finds himself growing into the behemoth whose order he stole.

Shorter story! Petty thief to meathead bodybuilder, hope you enjoy this slightly more succinct story! -Occam

The coffee was in his sights. Liam just needs to wait for a moment when the mobile order counter was unattended andddd- There. He’s already out the door and headed down the street with enough caffeine to get him through his morning. I mean he’s not proud of his little act of delinquency, but it’s not like anyone’s suffering right? The coffee shop has unlimited resources, they'll make whatever poor schmuck whose drink he just nabbed a new one. 

Speaking of, now that he’s home free it’s well time for the first sip. Liam briefly checks the name on the cup, Elijah. “Well Eli, cheers to you. Bottoms up-” Raising the steaming togo cup to his lips Liam prepares for the ritual first burning sip. Not checking the label as he wants to be surprised by whatever hides underneath the lid. As soon as the drink touches his tongue it is revealed to be quite the unpleasant one as he rears back from the scalding drink and grimaces.

Totally unrelated from the boiling heat, the taste was the single most bitter thing he’s ever experienced before in his life. Sticking his burned tongue out before whispering a complaint he checks the label, “Jesus Christ dude!? What the fuck did your order?” Taking no time to analyze his criticism of a man who is by all intents his victim, his eyes grow wide as he sees the drink is a Black Dead Eye, that is drip coffee with three shots. 

He feels his heart flutter as he thinks about the amount of caffeine he now holds in his hand and plans how he is going to ration it out so he doesn’t completely overload himself. His mind briefly tries to picture the type of man to order this, though before a clear thought could be produced he shrugs and takes another sip. Could’ve at least had some syrup in there guy. Still taking a strained sip, an idea unfamiliar fills his mind, ‘psh as if I’m gonna drink some empty calories to start my day.’ 

Eliam’s eye twitches as he scrunches his face, presumably from the bitterness and grunts, “ugh, I hate-” Feeling a frog in his throat he clears it a few times in short succession. “Man, this drink sucks.” His brow immediately furrows as he hears his voice almost sounds deeper to his ears? Eliam eyes the drink for half a second before shrugging and assuming he must be coming down with a cold. Something within his subconscious questions how that will affect his time at work? No, not work, something else. Something close though, his arm rises in a right angle and he tilts his head as the thin limb tries to flex, immediately confused as to why he just did that, after a pause he reconsiders. Why does his bicep look so puny?

Uncomfortable with his bicep barely manipulating the sleeve of his shirt he considers, “Maybe I should start hitting up the gym?” Eliam scratches at his chest and frowns as he feels truly no muscle definition hiding under his T-shirt. His head buzzes with foreign emotion and instinct as the general apathy he has for his body and appearance is rapidly being replaced with disdain nearing disgust. He grunts and keels over as static, burning pins and needles, begins to overwhelm his senses. In the process he nearly spills his coffee which hits him with far more anxiety than losing a drink you didn't even pay for should.

His mouth is cold and dry as he stares at his nearly lost midnight dark drink and, even greater than the bizarre numbness and strange sensations contorting his body, he feels an urge, a need, to drink. Lips puckering as they strain to get closer to the cup as he brings it to his mouth, his legs give out and he falls back against a shop window. Passersby sneer at him as doggedly sits on the sidewalk and raises the cup completely upside down and lets it pour into his wanting mouth. His throat struggles to keep up as something besides himself, something with a will stronger than his own, forces him to down the burning drink in one go.

Mission accomplished, he gasps for air and wipes the few drops of coffee that landed outside of his mouth off his face before sucking them off his stained finger. When a businessman looks down at him with an eyebrow raised Eliamh feels a burning in his chest at the challenge. His jaw clenches and every muscle burns with the desire to show the pen pusher what’s up, dude doesn’t even know what the grind is! Eliamh’s eye twitches and he clenches at his gut as for the first time in his life it seems to be straining his intentionally baggy shirt.

The pettiest thief struggles to stand, using the wall for support as his legs suddenly struggle to carry his body. All the while making embarrassing grunts. He begins burping loudly as his stomach tries to get him to reject the drink in the only way it can. He feels more bloated with every labored breath and heavy movement, his midriff now exposes his thin treasure trail as his arms begin to fill the sleeves of his wrinkled button up. In between burps and groans he just gets out in his now decidedly duller voice, “Whuh- what was in that cup-” 

Usually happy to hide, Eliamh feels a rising need to challenge every man in sight, realizing something is beginning to overwrite his usual instincts, his rational ideas. As his pants begin to strain, thighs and ass bulging larger, Eliamh realizes that no matter his new desire to post up he needs to wait out whatever, uh, food poisoning this is. Stumbling into the storefront he’s thus far used as a stabilizer he groans out to the clerk, hand covering his mouth as he tries to hold back a loud burp, “Burmgh- I, ugh. Need yer restroom, dude.” Mouth curling into a frown at the clearly unwell man the cashier just points to the room at the back and Eliamh quickly stumbles through the door and locks it behind him.

Panting, Eliamh falls to the floor. Sweating through his clothes he leaves a trail on the door as he slides against it. Unconcerned with the filth of being on a bathroom floor his mind screams as his body begins to expand in every direction. Fabric tears as his bloated gut redistributes itself across his whole form. His arms that only recently bulged with any weight at all suddenly rip entirely through his shirt. Veiny biceps tear through, bursting larger than his thighs before his forearms race to match. His hands grow rough with callouses as he tears at his clothes as they begin to suffocate him.

Elijam’s shoulders pecs are initially inhibited by the clothes barely hanging in there. As soon as they give way and his torso is freed to the air do they begin their transformation outright. Drool pouring from his mouth as his mind flitters between the horror of becoming something anathema to himself while at the same time rapidly recognizing the arms as the powerful weapons he has honed for years now. Initially absent, the muscle on his chest pointedly makes up for the years spent abandoned. Pumping larger as his lungs expands and his chest widens to match shoulders that thicken to be shoulderpads, his pecs begin to become unseemly. Weighty enough that his current legs could never support them, his pecs surge to a size where the idea that he could ever be anything but a diligent bodybuilder is foolish.

His rougher hands trail down his sweaty, impossibly large chest and find that there are now swaths of his body where his bulging biceps and dense pecs collide that he simply can no longer touch. Moving down to feel abs as they push themselves out of his lower torso like cobblestones, his grunts and burps turn to deep moans as he bathes in the pleasure of becoming Elijah. Finally reaching low enough to free his package as it begins to fill his constricting pants, Elijah palms his balls as they begin to fill his body with hormones that make his boorish mindset make far more sense. 

Outside in the store the clerk contemplates calling the authorities as the deep moans echoing from the bathroom begin to scare off customers. Back in the restroom the bodybuilders thighs expand to truly the size of tree trunks as they lengthen along the cold tile. Immediately do they tear his pants as it becomes clear that he’ll never take a step without his massive legs rubbing against each other. It’s a wonder his package has any room at all to be as large as it is given the real estate taken up by his massive lower body. In no time at all the sweaty behemoth finds himself filling the small room with his musk which only heightens his heady delight.

His eyes cross as the few shreds of Liam that remained ingrained in his psyche through it all begin to give up the ghost. His balls pulse as the paltry aspects drain from his mind and every inch of him fully shifts to that of Elijah. Memories of countless hours spent underneath the bench press bar, tracking protein consumption, comparing his form with other massive titans. At the very same moment do loads begin to fly. Shooting high enough to grace the ceiling, his spunk stains the wall behind him like splatters on a canvas. His impossible changes took less than a minute but in his ecstasy he feels each and every one of Elijah’s memories soar to fill his mind.

Stumbling to his thick soled feet Elijah scratches his head as he tries to think how he’ll leave this store with nothing to cover his titanic form. The cogs of his mind turn slow enough that it seems like he can barely produce a thought at all. He grabs toilet paper to start to clean the mess made, but only ends up smearing it against the walls. Suddenly he laughs a dull guffaw as he remembers he lives nearby, just needs to run through the store and he’s home free. He’s sure the customers won’t mind seeing him in the buff, he thinks as he smirks at his peaking bicep. 

His cock stirs again as he wonders when he got this pump in. Knowing he doesn’t have time for another session right now he covers his impressive package with his torn clothes and sprints through the lobby, the clerk doesn’t have time to finish his name before he’s exited the storefront and begun to sprint homewards. Pushing through any man who doesn’t quite move out of the way in time, Elijah hits himself in the head as he realizes he needs to apologize to his bro for stealing his coffee this morning. Just as soon does the thought fade with another slow witted guffaw. He’s sure Elijah won’t mind, he’d probably do the same even. After all, they’ve got a lot in common.

[cicerfics]

Random headcanon

Re: this post -

Whenever someone finally pins Bond down long enough to make him fill out his AARs properly, this is the type of terminology he gleefully uses to explain whatever wreckage he's left behind.

'My contact in Beirut proved to be a dead end' - Contact had been turned by the enemy so I garrotted him with his own tie

'Once I made contact with the target, I disabled his mobile phone via a lithobreaking maneuver' - I kicked his hand and he dropped it off the edge of a ten-story building

'During the ensuing pursuit, the car provided by Q-branch underwent rapid unplanned disassembly' - I jumped out of it so I could tackle the target off his motorcycle, and the abandoned car crashed into a wall

Bond HATES political euphemisms and scientific jargon...UNLESS he can use it to make the vein in Mallory's temple throb or cause Q to do his cute little angry-hands-on-hips-scowly-face pose.

[descendantsramblings]

Just a short cute thing where Fem! Reader and Maleficent are dating and Mal just loves teasing her gf by turning into her dragon form in small

Pure fluff, thank u :>

“Short cute” is speaking my language rn. So glad to be back to writing long stuff but between these and writing a layout for a Dead Boy Detectives fic I needed a good head canon or Drabble 🖤

Also I wrote and edited this whole thing while on the clock at work so forgive me if something is a little odd, I HATE typing on mobile because it’s easier to get typos.

Play

Maleficent x Reader

Pronouns used: she/her/hers

Summary: watching her girlfriend study can get just so boring

Warnings: descriptions of Maleficent turning into a dragon but it’s really nothing (at least as a horror and body horror fan it’s absolutely nothing but I’ll warn you just in case), fluff

Word Count: 1.1K

Pic because finding gifs of my girl (who’s almost always background or literally on Hades lol) is so hard

She can’t say no one warned her. Of course, Maleficent thought her girlfriend hung the sun, she was humanities own light source. All aglow when she was excited and warm enough that the dark fae was constantly convinced she had a fever. She was obsessed with her, but that doesn’t mean the rest of her friends lied when they said dating a hero kid could get so boring. Not that (Y/n) in general was boring, it was actually pretty easy to get her running around with the villains, but when she felt like being good? She could get obnoxiously good. Like straight As helping out in soup kitchens type of good. Which if the pixie was honest, she found that side of her girlfriend extremely endearing. Sometimes she even wonders if that sweet half of her is what saw Maleficent as worthy for her. Not that she’d ever admit to that out loud, it would wreck her image. If the fact that she could watch the girl complete mundane tasks in complete infatuation didn’t already kill her image. Or at least she normally could watch her like that.

The girl had been studying for an hour, rewriting her notes in a decorative and color coded way that she swore made it easier for her to study. “Rewriting it makes me think about it harder, Mali. Engraves it into my memory.” It sounded like an excuse to her, seemed to her that the girl just liked to look at pretty things. Not that she minded, whatever she wanted to do was fine by her, (Y/n) was her own woman. And Maleficent loved to be the pretty thing she was looking at, so who was she to complain about other ones? But Mali was starting to wonder if she and Tinkerbell had something in common. If she didn’t get her girlfriend’s attention soon she was sure she’d just fall over and just die. She was growing weaker by the second, she was positive of that. And getting the girl’s attention away from swirling pretty calligraphy into a notebook was proving to be impossible.

Every nuzzle to her neck was met with a playful push. Kissing her face just earned the pixie a “Mali, doll, I’m working.” It was infuriating. Why let her in if (Y/n) only planned on ignoring her? Her pale arms make their way around the princess’ waist, face falling against the girl’s back with a dramatic sigh. “I’m almost done, Doll. Just two more pages.” Two more? That won’t do, she needs more attention now. “Come on,” she drags the word out pulling away from her girlfriend with a whine. “Since when are you so good?” “I’ve always been good, Doll. You’re the villain between us, remember?” She uncaps a different pen, readjusting the notebook before her. “You don’t seem so good when you’re out running around with me and the other VKs. You ask how high when Uliana says just just like Morgie does.” It gets her a hum, pen tapping against the page in the speedy pattern. “Yeah well, if I make Uli happy she’ll do my hair. No one else here can braid like she can.” Mali laughs, “Fine, then if we can’t cuddle, let’s go see if she’ll do your hair. Give me something.” “I’ll be done soon.” She scoffs, lightly smacking the back of the girl’s shoulder, “You said you were doing homework.” (Y/n)’s eyes roll, sparing the girl a look over her shoulder, “Studying is homework, Mali.” Now her eyes roll, throwing herself back on the bed, “This isn’t studying. Studying is reading over notes, this is some other thing.” She hums, “Maybe that’s why my grades are higher than yours.” It’s a playful remark, the girl poking her tongue out at the pixie before turning back to her work.

She wants to play? Okay, they can play. She cuts a look to the girl, a pen cap held loosely in her mouth as she delicately drags a pen brush across a page. She was distracted enough. Turning into a large dragon took far too much energy from her, but a small one? One that could fit right in the girl’s lap? That was easy. Maleficent could barely feel it as her bones gave way. Shoulder blades and vertebrae stretching out to form the structure of wings. Purple scales forcing their way through pale skin, tearing their way into veins to beseen. She hasn’t let wings of any kind come out in so long, it felt heavenly. The stretch making her suppress a whimper. She desperately needed to do this more, instead of just when she felt the need to harass her way into getting what she wants.

Slowly, careful not to make too much noise, she flaps her wings, once, twice. By the third time, when she realized the sound wasn’t alerting (Y/n), she knew she could take flight. Fluttering through the dorm, she lands on the girl’s dresser, blowing a small puff of flames onto a candle then settling beside it. Waiting, glowing green eyes trained on the girl who had playfully become her prey. The smell of smoke would alert her, it always did. Lilac and smoke slowly and softly fill the air, making the princess look up, worried eyes glancing around the room before landing on her dresser. “Really? You’re that desperate for me?” Desperate? No, she was anything but that. While her eyes are away from the page, Maleficent takes flight again, swooping up the pens the girl was using before fluttering over her head.

“Mali, you’re just prolonging how long it will be before I can lay back and cuddle with you. You know that, right?” Her hand shoots up for her pens and the dragon flies closer to the ceiling. “This is ridiculous, you are being ridiculous.” Pens clatter into the wastebasket by the girl’s desk, the dragon swooping in to fill the girl’s lap before she can get up to retrieve them. “Are all fae this needy or just you?” The question is met with a nuzzle against her stomach, the dragon refusing to get too close to her skin in case she’d scratch the delicate stretch of flesh.

Sighing, the girl closes her two notebooks, pushing them to the side before she lays back. “If I take a little study break will you let me finish my work without whining?” The dragon crawls up her stomach, tilting her head to the side. Sweeten the deal. “If we cuddle?” Letting out a sigh, Mali curls up on the girl’s chest, her head laying just so close to her heart she feels as if she’s hearing the lubb-Dubb of it in her own head. “You’re not gonna turn back into a girl for me? Made you wait so long that I only deserve scales?” It’s not a complaint, not a real one at least. Her nails digging into the space between two wings, a glorious scratching sensation that makes Maleficent’s eyes lull closed. She was never above playing if the Royal wanted to play. She was always the winner of the girl’s long games.

[g-xix]

☁️Guess the Age | Sharky

Summary: That greenscreen suit had Sharky playing up on shoot and completely derailing the video to simply flirt with you, his brain chemistry honestly altered by seeing your body complemented so beautifully in such an ugly green <3

Notes: normally i hate writing fics based off of vids but this one based on THIS VIDEO was sm fun! ik the beta squad fandom is so dead atm but please boys, band together n appreciate this one 😓✊

The green screen suit wasn't the most comfortable, to say the least. As you walked in, you felt as though you were almost walking diagonally with each step, the suit so tight around your hips that you didn't even have full mobility, having to waddle (it felt) on-stage. Even so, the Beta Squad boys didn't fail to notice your shape in the figure-hugging suit.

"Bloody hell," Chunkz was the first to call it out, and you couldn't help but giggle as you watched him wipe his eyes as though he were seeing things.

Kenny of course found Chunkz's reaction hilarious, bursting into his iconic laughs whilst Niko had simply moved onto the next person - AJ trying to do the same - and Sharky not even attempting, his jaw slackened with wide eyes of shock and simultaneous allure. 

Luckily, each person had a name tag on so that you could at least tell who was who on the judging panel - after all - your friend had told you before coming on that if the one called 'Neeko' (her pronunciation of the name different from the name scribbled onto his card) tried to fist bump you, it was going to be a set up. Avoid at all costs. 

That being said, as your eyes scanned the line up, they definitely lingered on one person. 

Seemingly effortless, leaning back in his chair with his arm around the one to the side, tongue tracing his teeth with his lips parted just a fraction to show off those pearly whites - black durag and dark beard which sculpted that undeniably gorgeous face...

It was definitely too early to have a crush on 'Sharky', but you didn't fail to notice how pretty he was. The way Sharky's eyes seemed to trace down your body made you feel as though he was reciprocating this realisation.

As the introduction drew to a close, two boys were called up to re-order the lineup based on age: Kenny and Niko. They clambered up onto the stage, hand set on Niko's chin, Kenny's hands on hips, the duo scanning each and every one of you.

"You" Kenny moved to examine you. "You look relatively..."

"Good?" You finished his sentence, not wanting to hear how else he could end that sentence. Kenny laughed with the rest of the boys as he realised he'd been droning on,  hand covering his face in embarrassment. 

"Sure, yeah, that," Kenny agreed hastily with a grin, trying to move over the obvious flusterment at the comment. "I feel like you're somewhere around..." Kenny took a step back to look at the line and gesture towards the younger end, between two other contestants. "Here - not the youngest, but far from old."

"So sweet," Came your not-sarcastic-but-somewhat-so response, the boys at the table laughing slightly as Kenny courteously took your hand to lead you down the line to where he stationed you.

And despite the fact you'd been moved, and Kenny and Niko had moved onto the next contestant to judge, you could still feel a pair of eyes watching you.

Looking up from the floor, you made eye contact across the room. Sharky. Looking right back up at you. Obviously, he couldn't see where your eyes faced as the greensuit obscured your face - though he could see your green-covered head move up, and face the same general direction as he sat, relative to you. 

His eyes were dark - like - black hole type dark. The type of dark that sucked you in and had you drowning in the colourless abyss, only highlighted by a coffee coloured tint around the outermost circumference of his irises. 

Raising a hand slowly, maintaining eye contact with you - he held his hand besides his head - elbow resting against the table and fingers outstretched, palm facing you. 

And he wiggled his fingers.

Like a little salute or wave - just seeing whether you were actually looking. Whether he had your attention and you were interested by him - craving to see whether you would show an ounce of interest in him to balance the tonne of fascination he held for you.

So raising your own hand slightly - bending your wrist upwards at your waist so that your palm faced him, without attracting the attention of any of the other cast and set members, you wiggled your fingers, waving subtly back at the attractive man. Sharky was like a kid in a candy shop as you responded, those dark eyes filling with excitement and enthusiasm as he saw you respond; no longer just a prop for the sake of the video - non-verbally agreeing to entertain and interact with Sharky away from the video purpose. He was thrilled, and sat up straight within his chair at the realisation.

Confidence overcoming the enthused noiret, he pulled his fingers together and pressed them against his lips, holding your gaze as he blew a kiss out towards you which you hadn't expected - a heat rushing to your cheeks at the action and making you feel glad that the suit you wore covered your darkening cheeks as your body responded to Sharky's flirting, your arms folded behind your back and hands clasping together - gripping each other tightly with awe - the voice inside your head quietly screaming, cheering and panicking in the background of your conscience. 

"Are you paying flipping attention?" 

Sharky's flirting was interrupted as Chunkz had turned around to observe the boy with a weary look. 

"Yeah, to someone." Sharky lost eye contact to look back to you with a wink, your cheeks only darkening more, fingers shaking slightly though you masked your physical symptoms of nerves as you pressed a hand to your chest to show how flattered you were.

"What the hell is Sharky doing?" Niko questioned with surprise, laughing despite the shock as he turned to look between yourself and Sharky - your stance with all your weight resting on one foot, turning slightly on one leg on the spot whilst Sharky stared up at you - taking his lower lip between his teeth just a bit too sensually for you to cope, being up on a stage and recorded for millions to see.

And so you looked away.

The next round was announced soon enough however, and the video progressed onto the next segment. "FOR ROUND TWO, COULD YOU PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME  AND WHAT YOU DO."

You stepped up, giving your name to the panel, and adding your role as: "A dance coach". The boys sat at the table let out ooohs, and Sharky's lips curled into a smirk, pen resting across those lips as he took it withing his mouth for a moment.

"Gotta be somewhat young to have an active job like that." Niko reasoned with the boys on their chairs, his suggestion met with hums of agreement.

"But not too young y'know - you have to have experience and to have learnt how to do those dances in the first place." Chunkz countered, and was met with another hum of agreement.

"What type of dance do you do?" Sharky looked up at you and asked. "Just out of interest."

"I do multiple." You answered. "A lot of contemporary and hip-hop just personally - but I teach more trad like jazz, ballroom, tango..."

"How'd you get into dance?"

"I started with traditional Bharatnatyam - I'm from Tamil Nadu originally, so I started with that traditional dance style."

Chunkz's interest peaked as you mentioned Indian heritage, readying to get into an avid conversation about Bollywood and different songs... Though AJ had to cut the round short so that Chunkz didn't overexcite and spend the next half hour discussing with you. Not before Sharky got to pry more into your dance experience, however.

"What's that dance style like?"

"Well, it involves a lot of muscle control - especially around the core - and it actually helped me then get into belly dancing more-"

Sharky let out a noise that made everyone pause in shock. You were cut off and stunned as the man you'd found yourself with peaked interest towards... growl?? Some strange mix of circling his head and emitting a purr-growl hybrid that shocked now only you, but all the other boys on the panel, too.

"Right, chill out, that's e-NOUGH-" AJ was the one to stand up and call off that round.

The next round was personal questions, and each question which you received seem to elude more and more at Sharky. At least Niko was one of the only boys with his head in the game, as he started with what was at least somewhat of a normal question.

"What phone do you have?" Niko asked, and you sighed already knowing you'd disappoint.

"I have a galaxy - m30s model."

The boys hissed from their seats.

"I can change her, guys." Sharky mumbled to the rest of the panel boys, though you heard it and laughed. Sharky looked up with a hint of an alarmed expression - pointing at you with a grin and saying - "You weren't meant to hear that-" before following up with "ontomyquestionthough - what's your number?"

You and the boys burst out laughing at that, knowing it was a joke though still feeling your fingers trembling with nerves because - oh my fuck - he was very, very into you. And it wasn't even secret any more. That man was unashamedly thirsting, and you were scared, knowing that you get flustered all too easily, which wouldn't be helped by the fact that you actually liked this guy that was making you feel all flustered.

Then Kenny's question.

"Okay, this could tell a lot about your age..." He looked up from his notepad. "What is your type."

You rolled your eyes, though no-one saw.

"I'm a connection over looks person." You gave quite a concise answer before expanding further. "Only physical thing I care about is a man that's taller than me and is relatively physically fit... Other than that though, I care more about whether they're sweet, likeable, and we get on well, really."

"Have you found that person yet?" Kenny pressed with a grin as he asked.

You shook your head in response. Kenny leaned behind Chunkz's back and pat Sharky on the back as a show of support. You rolled your eyes again.

"Just another quick one," Chunkz nonchalantly referenced before his question which was once again, Sharky-oriented. "Are you old enough to date a 28 year old?"

You dead stared at the man for a few seconds. "Yes." Your response was met with cheers from the panel and you couldn't help the laugh that escaped your lips, even when you wanted to be annoyed about the fact that not a single one of these questions really gave a good idea of your age.

And finally, it was Sharky's turn to ask his question.

"So, you said you were a dance coach... Can I dance with you?" 

You looked at the man in his seat. Smirk gone, sweet smile and wide, hopeful eyes. He looked disgustingly cute - like a cherub with the innocent expression that was almost impossible to refuse. Sighing and looking down, you gave a nod and offered a hand to get him up into the stage.

And dear God was he 10x more attractive when he was stood opposite you.

Six foot two. At least. He towered over you, your height making you eye-level with his chest and forcing you to look up at the man that had such an attractive face - dark eyes already something you'd ogled at, but ten times more alluring when they were barely a foot away from your own, his lips soft and balmed, perfectly even on both sides and two toned with the upper one slightly darker. 

Sharky was obviously awkwardly stood there. Looking down at the bright green orb that was your head for long enough for it to feel slightly uncanny...

But you couldn't help yourself from not doing anything. Because in that time where you just stilly looking up at him, you were admiring his face. From the darkness around his sleepy eyes that only made him even more attractive, to the facial hair that framed those pretty lips. 

"Sorry-uhm-what dance did you say you do again?" Sharky paused your moment to admire by breaking the silence. You heard a couple of the boys on the panel quietly giggle as you were quite obviously broken from your trance, body un-locking as you came back to conscience.

"Right, uhm, we can do a slow sort of waltz-that's quite simple-it's just box stepping..."

You took Sharky's right hand within yours and held it out in front of your bodies. Sharky instinctively put his other hand around your waist - the large hand sitting on the curve above your hips and encompassing the space, pulling your body closer to his.

You could feel his body brush against yours, and although for the waltz, Sharky should've had his hand higher and on your back... You didn't have it in you to move his hand, as you guiltily indulged within the feeling of his perfectly sized hand against your body, the feeling of it making a blush rise to your cheeks. It's fine, you told yourself; you were a contemporary dancer, and letting Sharky rest his hand on your waist was technically just a modern twist on the classic Waltz you'd learned.

"Okay, so it's step back-left-forwards, and then right-" Your words were met with Sharky following the instructions, pivoting with you and following the box steps, his hand on your waist surprisingly leading you and working well with your movements as he danced with you. 

The close proximity between your bodies allowed something to infiltrate your suit - a scent passing through the green second-skin and through to your nostrils, where pine and mint interwove and had you leaning in closer to Sharky to chase that scent and smell more of it. Because holy fuck it was absolutely delicious. You wanted to spray your entire apartment with that scent and then crawl inside the bottle of perfume - or cologne - whatever it was. 

Sharky shocked you as he pulled away and raised his arm above you, spinning you around and making you laugh as you turned around, one of Sharky's arms detaching and pulling you into his body before dipping slightly - letting you lean into his arm as he leaned you back, his face ever so close to yours, his exhale fanning gently over your green suit.

And you only realised that you'd blocked out the noise of the other boys, when you heard them clap and let out whistles once the two of you paused in that position, indicating an end.

"Did you learn anything about her age from that?" Chunkz asked once Sharky returned down to the panel after having danced with you on the stage.

Sharky looked at the man with a dazed expression, as though his brain chemistry had been altered and his mental formations still hadn't quite recovered since. "I think she's the one," was all that he could get out.

It was fair to say that after the final rearrangement, you were scared to unmask in front of the audience. You knew you'd become a key character in this line up. There was chemistry between you and Sharky, and he'd fallen for who you were with the mask on.

Hand clutching the back of your suit, you could feel your heartbeat in your throat. Fearing. Because all that attraction and everything Sharky liked about you could dissipate within seconds, if Sharky didn't like the face behind the green suit. Worst of all, if he said anything about that to your face. It'd break you.

"Now, Mrs Sharkmarke, could you please de-mask."

You could've thrown up from the nerves that sent goosebumps crawling down every limb of your body as you pulled the suit down from your head to neck. 

The bright lights were blinding for a moment - suit resting at your neck as you fluffed your curls out, having been flattened in the suit. Unscrunching your face and accustoming yourself to the bright lights and looking down at the panel below...

You didn't notice any of the boys other than Sharky.

And his jaw was slackened, his hand slowly coming up to press to his mouth.

He looked... shocked?

You felt your heart sinking. Sinking, sinking, sinking - because his expression was truly unreadable as a positive or negative response, and you felt the need to brace. Just in case it turned out that Sharky felt the latter, as though he didn't like you at all.

"You're actually gorgeous..."

You could've collapsed from the way that your braced body felt relief shoot through and unclench every tightened muscle, before a lightness spread through your head - affirmation making dopamine flood through your system and your lips curl into a smile as you looked down to the man at the panel who still had his mouth covered with a hand - though now you could see the smile beneath his fingers.

Awhhs fell from the lips of every other person on the panel, and Chunkz pat the man's back with a smile on his face. 

"You wanna exchange Instagrams or numbers or something?" Kenny pressed with a grin, looking between the two of you. 

And as soon as you raised your brows and gave the smallest of nods to say yeah, i could do that - Sharky was onto his feet and getting back up onto the raised platform to thrust his phone into your hand with an empty contact so that you could fill out your details.

And Sharky didn't finish creating the contact until he had taken a picture of you with your hand next to your face - his fingers interlocked with yours, showing you two holding your hands together whilst you sported the widest grin - using that photo as a contact photo. 

Before Sharky handed you your phone back after having made a contact for himself in your phone, you watched as he opened up your Google calendar and scanned your week to see... That you were available Friday at 8pm.

He handed back your phone after a second, and you noticed that scheduled at 8 o'clock the next Friday was "Date with cute Beta Squad guy (we're going Wagamama's.)" 

And leaving that shoot, when you crossed paths with Sharky once de-microphoned and removed from the green-suit prison, you looked up at him with a smile and "See you Friday," having him smile as he returned the "See you then, gorgeous," making you leave the shoot with a blush all over your face and giggle escaping your lips as you made it back to your car and realised your phone was ringing.

Your best friend had called you - the one who had warned you just last night about how you shouldn't accept a fist bump from Neeko. 

"HOW WAS IT?!" Her excited voice called out from the phone speaker as you placed your phone in the control panel and let out a squeal.

"Oh my GOD, DO I HAVE A STORY ABOUT HOW IT WENT."

Hope you enjoyed reading!! Feel free to interact- whether that be a comment, vote or follow! Requests open, feel free to submit what u wanna see... Much love!!

To see more for Beta Squad and other YouTubers, here's my MASTERLIST

And here's my WATTPAD, with 50+ more oneshots to read

p.s. Customise which Oneshots YOU want to be tagged in by submitting your preferences on THIS GOOGLE FORM + join the taglist!!!

SHARKY TAGLISTTTTT:

@clarkeysbog, @mekselinaurr, @springholland, @xxkatxgracexx, @certainsaturn

@daniiixoxo, @mekselinaurr, @blackbat2020, @ajshabsxxwife, @bisexualmess4eva

@dollxkill, @eviebow, @kennysimp101, @martini4lyfe, , @zandrax

@lilyyxoii, @notalloutofusernames, @pinkpomelo, @wh4theduck

@scassty1202, @nikoomilanaswife, @thankunextx, @un1ver53

[punkeropercyjackson]

Nico and Percy are so intimate and tender and unique and special and actual soulmates but i HAAAAAAATE it so much when people use that as proof their relathionship is romantic,because it makes so much sense as a familial m/f duo.Percy is so transfem and Nico being gay with an old crush on her only adds to it,he literally had comphet on her by explicitly only experiencing attraction to her when he thought she was an ideallic man but getting over her when he saw her for who she really is i.e a GIRL,cute but not his type and their connection is so strong Rick,their creator,couldn't write them as hating eachother no matter what retcons he pulled so he had to backtrack and let them be together in the most platonic sense possible and they give such eldest daughter/middle brother vibes and Percy even compared her treatment of Nico to acting like a mom based on her own relathionship to Sally.Throwing romantic shit into the mix textually ruins their whole mojo,Nico's crush on Percy caused him to put her on a pedestal,a pedestal of MASCULINITY at that,when SHE is a trans girl subtextually and intentionally was written as defying traditional manhood and hating masculinity!Let Nico and Percy be siblings and Percy Nico's cool punk trans mom who harrasses Poseidon for money for Nico's chronic pain meds and mobility aids and Nico Percy's nerdy little brother she teaches how to skateboard and games with and eats diy'd McDonalds(including the packaging)with too!!!!!!OG DEAD SEA SIBLINGS SUPREMACY🌊💀⚔️

[necroromantics]

🖤 — The Eclipse; TalBin

like a lover, or partner in crime. or something of mine.

AN: Its my 4yr anniversary with my absolutely wonderful girlfriend ( @clockeyedtoy ), dedicating this one to her :3 She's the most beautiful, smart, and talented girl I have ever met and she's such a genuine loving soul I'm forever lucky to have her in my life. My best friend 4eva and my partner in crime (and errands) I love you to the moon and back my timebomb

- tobin first met tali junior year of high school. he was in the office for talking back to a teacher when she stormed in and sat angrily in the chair beside him.

- he noticed the way she eyed the clock, as if time was against her. and how she laid back as if she didn't care.

- when she caught him staring, she furrowed her brow at him and stared back. the two were both stubborn to a fault, neither of them looked away.

- to both of their dismay, that year they discovered they shared an english class. last period, seated next to each other. when tobin sat down in his chair, he noticed the girl staring daggers into him.

- she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, and gave him a terrible fake smile, the type she’d put on during picture day. it looked almost scary, like something you’d see before she cracked open your rib cage and devoured your beating, bloody heart. fangless, but she looked like she should’ve had fangs. it would’ve completed her dead girl look, he thought.

- "do you got a staring problem?"

- "you look like a dead dog id find on the side of the road."

- they got along like politicians. it had gotten especially worse when tobin had bugged tali enough to make her agree to tutor him in english for free cigarettes and joints.

- she knew he was stupid, dumber than a dog, but when he came over for their first session, sitting at her dinner table in her tiny mobile home, she was almost surprised at how the boy could barely read grade level literature.

- but tobin stayed true to his word, and he paid his half in full. they'd sit out on her front porch step late at night after arguing over tali's hostile teaching methods, and tobins inability to read the word "eradication", and share a cigarette together.

- the two insisted they hated each other. they couldn't stand each other's stubbornness and arrogance. but tobin would approach tali in the hallways before class, and crack a bad joke, and she'd laugh and roll her eyes.

- and tali wouldnt listen to all the things people said about that boy. to her luck, he didnt listen to anything they said about her either.

- tobin was always warm, the girl thought that he closely resembled the sun. she hated it. tali found sunny days annoying. too hot, humid, made it hard to breathe when the sun was out. it hurt to look up at the sky, and it hurt her skin when the light touched her.

- tali, on the otherhand, was always cold. tobin thought that she closely resembled the moon. he always thought it was just some floating rock in the sky, nothing special, or worth consideration. but some nights when he's out for a cigarette alone, he pulls a second one out of his pack by habit, ready to hand it to the girl, only to realize he's left with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

- when they started holding each others hands, they found ways to balance their temperatures. tali would cool tobin down, and tobin would warm tali up. she would calm his energy, he would get her out of her shell.

- he followed that girl around like a stray dog. he annoyed the hell out of her, she hated him, she insisted she hated him. she loved him more than anything. it was them against the world.

- it wasn't any surprise that tobin was the first person tali marks called when she accidentally killed her own brother one drunken night, after another physical altercation with him.

- and it wasn't any surprise that tobin followed suit and blew his fathers brains out with a shotgun, because he had gotten his ass beat earlier that day for talking back again.

- and it wasn't any surprise when tali stole her fathers busted up red pickup truck and the two ran down south to alabama to escape what they had done. they did it together, and they held each others hands the entire way down.

- like lovers, and partners in crime.

[lollytea]

Given that Hunter was introduced to anime in the Human Realm (canon), what do you think some of his favourites would be? Any he wouldn't like as much?

Astro Boy

Voltron Defender of the Universe (the 80s one. He eats it up. Its his cocomelon)

Mobile Suit Gundam Wing

Gus also enjoys Sci-fi type stuff so this is what they watch together <333

Sailor Moon/Cardcaptor Sakura/Whatever other cute wholesome power of friendship magical girl animes that you can think of. I just believe he loves Magical Girls. That is a headcanon that is attached to my brain like a leech.

Pokemon. He loves cute little creechurs, they're silly and they remind him of palismen <33

I imagine that he really enjoys sports anime. Especially the ones with intense homoerotic friendships. He loves Haikyu and Free, god bless. If you dare to open your mouth during Yuri on Ice, he will kill you.

As a guy who is a bit awkward, passionate about his interests, a little bit on the gnc side, and into making clothes, I think he'd like Princess Jellyfish.

I think when it comes to anime he WOULDN'T like, I think maybe....slice of life shojo high school stuff. Ones that are deeply rooted in experiences that Hunter cannot connect to. Not that he hates that stuff. He just struggles to relate. Also, as introspective, sensitive and emotionally mature as I imagine Hunter to be, I also think that his attention span cannot be held by a show that focuses on feelings/romance alone. Bro is like "I want SPACESHIPS!! I want SPORT!!! I want POKEMON!!!" There's gotta be some exciting angle to keep him entertained.

Something I'm a little unsure of is what Hunter's relationship is with gore/horror/edgy type stuff. Because we know he was a fan of Ruler's Reach, which was written by an edgelord 8 year old and was packed with gratuitous violence. Considering he was not only a teenage boy (who tend to gravitate towards depictions violence because of societal influence) but a child soldier who was unnervingly desensitized to brutality, it does make a lot of sense. Ruler's Reach also seemed to be something of a masculine power fantasy written by one boy who felt small and powerless in his own life, which connected with a boy who felt similarly. King wanted to be feared, Hunter wanted to be respected.

However, this was during the time that Hunter was trapped in a very bleak situation, one that he didn't even fully understand was bleak. And he coped by hyperfixating on a book that normalized the cruelty.

But what I wonder is, would he still feel the same way about that book now, after everything? He's been woken up to how horrific his life was until this point. He's aware of the atrocities and he's deeply uncomfortable with all of it. Things are drastically different now. Hunter is drastically different.

Personally, I think Ruler's Reach was something that comforted him when he needed it. But as he changes as a person, its just not his taste anymore.

Hunter can certainly stomach gore and violence. He's seen more disturbing sights than anything an anime can show him. But I don't think he actively seeks it out. I imagine that he prefers stuff that's lighthearted. Not that he doesn't enjoy tension/excitement/high stakes. Just not the kind of stuff that will make him extremely upset.

Like Fullmetal Alchemist for example. Absolutely amazing anime, but not something Hunter would enjoy sitting through. It's good to have fiction that makes you feel something deep in your core, the way FMA does to people. But Hunter has experienced enough real life trauma and existential horror for a lifetime. He's felt enough!!! He doesn't need to see that weird fucking dog!!!!! Leave him alone!!!!!

So ya in summary, I think he likes fun, semi-lighthearted stuff. But he doesn't really wanna watch anything that's gonna make him sit in the shower for over an hour and rethink everything. He is already mentally exhausted. He once learned made of a dead guy's bones, that's enough for him.

[subskz]

Barking (also tumblr is doing this weird thing on my phone where i can't type under pictures on mobile and i'm so >:((((( abt it)

I'M ACTUALLY GONNA RIOT LIKE YANG JEONGIN, WHEN I CATCH YOU—

Gonna bend him over that table and peg him til he can't walk; giving house/trophy husband yenie... chewing on the bars as we speak (the high-waisted pants... the partially unbuttoned shirt... DOES HE WANT ME DEAD?)

tumblr hates to see a yenilover winning -_-; every update this site implements just makes it more n more unusable but we will not be silenced!

AGGIBBANG??? WHAT IS WRONG W HIM GENUINELY. trophy husband jeongin is so so correct though oh my god ♡_♡ the loose fitted shirt w the tight high waist accentuating his hips…he is just there to look pretty and giggle ditzily at everything you say <3 and the open chest is easy access for you ofc! he walks around the house like that (or maybe w a cute lil apron) ready for you whenever u might need him~

[marcelwrites]

It was a lively weekend. The bar was packed with an assortment of roach like creatures in human skin. I kept them with a good supply of alcohol and received praise for killing them. A drop dead gorgeous woman was flirting with me (we'll return to her in a moment) while I made her bartender friend a drink, I was forced to listen to the friend talk about her "dinosaur" co-workers that forced her to work after 8pm. My best mate and I stood behind the bar and we nodded along where appropriate in the story. It was unbearable and I could see the entitlement dripping from her pores like noxious grease. When she had fucked off my best mate and I pissed ourselves laughing. Afterwards, the gorgeous friend asked me to guess her age, I said 20, and she replied that she was 25. She then leant in closer to me and said that her pussy was 20. I immediately thought that's what women feel like they're hit on by men. When I was closing the bar she came over to me and gave me her snapchat and mobile number. I begrudgingly accepted her snapchat and then immediately got a chat from her, I replied with, "I'm not 12, just text me," to which she responded "Your attitude is so hot." My attitude is literally just me bartending from 2 until 2, 12 straight hours, and not wanting to deal with a bunch of drunk chicks. I kept thinking about the bartender friend and why you would even work a job you actively hate. This is Australia, if you don't want to work a job you hate, you don't fucking have to. Just quit and stop ragging on your "dinosaur" [see: 40 year old] co-workers. She had that hotness that was directly proportional to how fucking terrible she was. I will say her boyfriend was a friendly bloke though and I gave him a couple of free drinks. He'll need them to deal with her. I can guarantee that she's cheating on him. I just know the type. Anyway, I just remembered that she said her family's from Croatia and they moved here to get away from poverty. Okay, if that's the case, how do you not have a shred of self-awareness. The fact that I remember all these stupid fucking details are a good indicator of how annoying she was. White dress, tanned skin, dagger nails, oppressively white teeth, and the personality of a cheese grater. I miss the days back in 2013 when I started bartending at night clubs around the city and you'd meet an assortment of colourful characters but at least they had a personality. The Scene girls were the best. God, I miss them. Bartending is one of those professions where you really jump into the deep end of the human condition, meeting the absolute best and worst of humanity. Alcohol is the great equaliser in that after enough everyone is equally insufferable. I love what I do but I'm thankful I don't drink. My life's been too eventful to fit in a reasonable sized text post this evening so I'll update you again another day.

[giulliadella]

WE HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF WHY CELLS HATE NEUTROPHILS SO MUCH IN CAW

So, last night, my boyfriend and I got into some random discussion about programmed cell death and some new breakthroughs in medicine, you know, the usual things you talk about with your boyfriend at 1 AM. It is well known that leftover bodies of dead cells are phagocytosed (literally consumed) by macrophages. And that’s why I always wondered why aren’t cells scared of macrophages as much as they are of neutrophils, since neutrophils don’t consume the dead cells. With my limited understanding of immunity (which we technically don’t learn a lot about in biology) I thought that neutrophils only consumed invader bacteria and fungi.

And OH BOY was I wrong about that.

Because (and yes I have spent whole night researching this, I’ll provide the links to papers in the end lol) neutrophils are little freaks and not only do they phagocytose leftovers of cells they actually cause them to die in the first place. This happens during infections, especially with viruses that cause the excess release of cytokines (like Coronaviridae). Cytokines activate neutrophils who basically just follow the signal towards the infection site and there all hell breaks loose. Neutrophils phagocytose bacteria and virions (those are viruses that haven’t infected a cell yet) which is fine, but they also degranulate and NETose. I’ll explain this in simple terms to my best ability.

Degranulation is when granulocytes (neutrophils, eosinophils, basophils and mastocytes are all different granulocytes) release their granules which are kind of like little sacks inside their cytoplasm which contain various chemicals. Releasing these chemicals happens when the cell receives appropriate stimulus, the little granules expel their contents out of the cell’s interior. In the case of neutrophils, granules contain very toxic compounds that cause the formation of free radicals which damage DNA and proteins of the surrounding cells, as well as granules filled with digestive enzymes which, well, digest the surrounding tissues.

NETosis is a special type of cell death specific to neutrophils in which they literally degranulate pieces of their own, or their mitochondrial DNA together with more toxic compounds. This creates a net of DNA strands called chromatin which entangles invading bacteria and severely damages them and also marks them for phagocytosis by macrophages. But this process is not well controlled and some of that chromatin and toxic compounds can land onto neighboring cells which is, as you can conclude, very bad for them.

With these two abilities at hand, neutrophils are very well equipped to kill cells and destroy tissue. Which is good in cases when the cells are infected and the tissue is damaged, but their quite aggressive methods can damage healthy cells in the area as well, some of them will die and neutrophils will phagocytose their dead particles. 

Basically, to neutrophils every infection is a huge kill and eat all you can buffet. They literally phagocytose until they physically cannot anymore and then go to the spleen or bone marrow to die. They also allow macrophages to consume them and thus pass on the antigens for antigen presentation which influences further immune response. But they can also cause a lot of damage, especially if cytokine storm happens and they completely lose control. This is what causes SARS and it can kill you if it’s severe enough. 

Biologically speaking, neutrophils are very important because they are the first ones to come to the sight of infection and their crazy methods usually finish the things before they get too severe. They themselves produce cytokines that mobilize macrophages and dendritic cells so that more immune cells can join and help them. They also have a role in repairing the tissues they damaged.

However, other immune cells, including macrophages and killer T cells, simply don’t cause as much damage. Neutrophils just go all out, which is why they live for such a short period of time compared to their colleagues (they live for only few days, compared to macrophages who can live up to a month and lymphocytes who can live for months, even years).

So, yeah, my boyfriend and I have concluded (at 4AM this morning) that neutrophils are so feared because they damage tissue, go crazy and violently kill healthy cells by accident, then consume them and that’s not by accident, it’s a mechanism to repair tissues.

I can’t believe I wasted whole night just for this. My boyfriend is also disappointed. But I hope that we finally have an explanation for this mystery. Tell me what you think lol.

References:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8589350/

https://www.nature.com/articles/nri.2017.105

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5820392/#:~:text=Neutrophils%20contribute%20to%20tissue%20injury,detail%20here%20(Kruger%20et%20al.

[md-guel]

a happy, happy guel wednesday to everyone but most especially to the boy ever guel!!! jeturk!!! who's finally made it back to the screen as an unwilling accessory of what I think is one of the darkest episodes to have been shown by the anime. people love to hate on this for being such a combo breaker, but me, I love to love on this, so here's me showering it with all the love that I have

if i may, I'm going to start with the lighter stuff first and by "lighter stuff", I actually mean "guel jeturk" in spite of all the stuff he went through

the feeding scene is such a traumatic opener, especially for us who've been eager to see how guel has been doing. but it's such an effective way of setting the mood for the entire episode and I'll always be happy that guel was used as a vehicle for it. but from that scene alone, it becomes obvious that the situation is dire, for both guel and olcott (standing for the dawn of fold). guel is steeped deeply in depression that he's completely lost sense of himself, and olcott is also desperate enough to use a living human being as a ticket to safety

with the out-of-canon uh...official headcanon, though, of guel being a bit of a home cook, I really have to wonder how this experience affected his feelings towards food. did he suffer from an eating disorder? did his palette change or is there a type of food that he just can't eat anymore without being triggered?

when the building fell, I still think that for all of guel's inherent goodness, it would have still been the easiest thing to just abandon seethia and get himself out there to safety. but even though he does explain later that he did it because he felt sympathetic towards seethia who wanted to see her father, I think this one scene just speaks volumes about how brave he really is. remember, he's just a kid. he's never had to kill someone before and when he does, it ends up being his dad. seethia is nobody to him, and it's easy to be more concerned of his own traumatic experiences (seethia had been found in a very bloody state) and his safety than some child who's been left for dead, anyway. but he really went through the trouble of getting her out of the debris, never mind that seethia blamed him for everything

I love that little kind of subtle blink he makes when he hears that his company and his family are going bankrupt, and I think it speaks a lot about how boundless his love is for them, too. the whole situation with vim is unfortunate, but I don't think it's guel's fault to still default to loving him especially after his guilt for killing him. I just like that guel is ready to just give up on life until he heard about his family, and then he suddenly comes alive. because it's not just about him anymore, and he's never been one to just sit on his hands especially when his loved ones are concerned.

shortly before the building fell, too, I remember reading a lot of fans saying that guel had tried to protect the kids with his own arms. like use his arms as a shield to protect them from the collapsing roof. I often watched that exact scene with 100% screen brightness, and I think it could be plausible! if guel is the skillful pilot that he is who knows the in-and-outs of pilot and mobile suit safety, and if it's true that asticassia had earth survival classes, then it would have been automatic for him to put his arms over his head to protect himself. but he doesn't. instead, he extends them outwards in the direction of the kids, and I like that he did it, too late, too. like he'd reached out towards them in alarm when the roof fell before he got buried in it, too.

I will also always love that seethia asked him what he wanted but that guel said he didn't know. ironically, this is the first day he is well and truly free of anything. free of his dad, free of the dawn of fold. but it's a kind of freedom say, a domesticated animal would find out in the wild. he's free, yes, but he doesn't know how to be free. his whole identity has been tied up to his dad that now that he has to stand on his own two feet and make his own decisions, he's lost. he's pretty much just running on instincts here, and that bit of stubborn bravery that's keeping him moving

seethia is just so thin here 😭

another example of just how brave I think he really is: this is only his second encounter with death, though it's the first time he's really looking at a corpse. it would have been completely understandable if the stress just became too much for him and he just ran away and hid somewhere else until the whole thing blows over. but for the sake of seethia's life, for that simple hope of bringing her to her dad, he pulls through, he wears the flight accessories of a dead man and even sits in the place where he was murdered

if people ever doubted his skills on piloting a mobile suit, since he only ever flew jhm's ones before, I think this is a stunning example of his innate skills. the prodoros suits are far from being the shiniest mobile suits, and I won't be surprised if this is an older, or less technologically-advanced suit than what he's used to. even the cockpit screens looks far too different than the spacian suits but he's able to operate it without difficulty

I love this scene so much. I really love how guel was given the imagery of a star that lights up the skies when things seem so hopeless. and slightly off-tangent, I also love how a lot of the artwork, from ippei gyoubu, from the fans, that came out during this episode got the memo and ran away with it. guel is such a bright star, all right; he's an ace pilot on skills alone, and he's a well-loved house leader and friend. I also like to think that this was to symbolize his rebirth. he'd fallen far enough so now he can only go up

and I love that that's how he found the strength to move forward. he's still clueless, he's still lost, but he knows he has to start somewhere and he can't just be stuck there anymore. he probably has absolutely no idea about what's going to happen in the future, only that he has to save his dad's company so that's what he's going to focus on for now. which, maybe some people think it's stupid. vim had abused him, and now he wants to preserve his memory. will guel ever learn? or will he always be stuck in his dad's shadow

in the end, guel doesn't get to save seethia and he ends up...absolutely nowhere. not at the bottom from where he started or at a better place. hes just...existing somewhere at this point. this time, he really truly is nobody, more nobody than even 'bob' ever was

if you ask me, I think at this point of his arc, he's still very much stuck in his father's shadow because he wasn't able to extricate himself properly from it. but I don't think it's fair to say that he failed to grow as a character just because he's going back to his old cage. you can't blame a child for loving his father. it's not a person's fault if he wants to go back to his loved ones. if what he's doing is bad or wrong, then is it good or right to hate and abandon his people? it doesn't make any sense to me, not in the context of guel's history and character

but, so that's the lighter side of this episode for me. as for the heavier one, oh boy. if anyone's ever doubted that the spacians are as bad as the dawn of fold says they are, this should clear things up. the dawn of fold are terrorists, all right, but who branded them as terrorists in the first place? who pushed them to such lengths?

it was hard to watch guel being tortured with force-feeding but if you ask me, it's much easier than watching the earth garrison force picking the dawn of fold pilots like fish in a barrel. these guys are helpless. they're scared and they're small! their lives have been ruined by the greed of capitalists, and they're only trying to fight back because of what the capitalists did to them! it's a losing battle the minute they concocted the plan. benerit group may as well have sent trained soldiers out on a bunch of farmers with pitchforks. that's how large the gap is between them, but the benerit group didn't care as long as they could take their hurt feelings out on them. and boy, does it feel very personal, knowing what's going on in real life with the rest of the world

[rapid-artwork]

I'm fascinated with Fourth, she's so cute! I'd love to hear more about her.

Fourth is one of my favorite OCs, both because I feel I stumbled upon a really solid visual design, but also because of how personal her story is to me.

Quick summary:

Fourth is a lonely human girl who seeks to escape from the space station she spent her entire life aboard. She holds a lot of anger inside but she is a genuinely bubbly and sweet person. She really likes the concept of water, specifically lakes, oceans and rivers. (Even though she never seen any of these in person.)

She's the protagonist of my (currently in progress) Sci-Fi Horror Visual Novel: Mothers Favorite

Tw: Child Abuse, Body Horror and Trauma. (It is a horror story.)

The story takes place aboard the Mobile Quarantine Station 388-SR. A space station originally designed to carry thousands of sick patients off world should a plant-wide pandemic occur.

However, a series of unknown events caused the station to launch with only four living patients aboard. Figuring out why is part of the mystery in-game.

When the game starts, Fourth is the only remaining patient onboard, the other three patients all dead or unaccounted for.

Fourth is afflicted with something called the 'Omega Virus', which is a highly dangerous and has no known cure. Most of my stories all take place in the same overarching universe, and many of my Sci-Fi stories deal with the consequences tied to the spread of the Omega Virus.

I really like Fourth's story since I think it makes for a great starting point into many of my future works. I like that through Fourth we get to see the effects of the virus first hand, and get a little window into the galactic politics that arose in response.

The station was built to be a closed-off self sustaining system, with a fully automated treatment staff of robotic caretakers. Meaning all of Fourths daily needs are met, but that her only social interactions are with pre-programmed AI that see her strictly as a patient first, and a living feeling human a distant second (doesn't mean that they don't try, bedside manner is still a thing.)

Since Fourth has never met another living person before, and they have never seen the outside world through anything other than a computer screen, they can be a little naive. That doesn't mean she's foolish, far from it. Fourth is highly intelligent (not much to do all day other than read and do homework over and over.) and has a deep curiosity for the outside universe her space station.

Since Fourth has had to interact with the robots the way they expect her to act, she has learned to put on a mask around them, and only lets it slip when she is alone. She has a really funny sarcasm to the way she thinks internally and I like writing her deadpan responses to the sci-fi bullshit she has to endure.

She also has a wonderful sense of joy and love that makes a lot of the darker challenges she faces that much worse. She is the type to experience big emotions at all times. When she loves you, she lets you know, and when she hates you, she doesn't hold back. (At least she likes to think she does, in reality she has a to bottle a lot of her true feelings up in order to survive.)

Since she is the player character, I made sure to code a lot of flexibility to her personality depending on how you play. She will become more extroverted or introverted based on the dialogue choices you make, and big source of tension is how well you manage to hold onto her optimism throughout the game.

(there is also a funny bit I programmed a flag where Fourth will not know what swear word are unless you push for her to learn about them. After that point she will swear like a sailor for the rest of the game.)

This is the original concept sketch I made of the main characters all the way back in 2016. I had an idea for a 'sci-fi Alice in wonderland' Where there was only one human trapped with a bunch of malfunctioning robots who seemed to act like everything was totally fine.

I like that the main designs have remained pretty consistent since then.

Fourth's design was very calculated from the start. I wanted her to look like someone forced to wear a Disney princess outfit that was slightly too small for them. It was supposed to show that she is treated like a child since these specific robots were only ever programmed to care for very young children, and were not prepared to deal with a teenager or adult. (maybe because the people who programmed them didn't expect any afflicted children to survive that long.)

As for the influences and themes, a lot of it centers around the main idea behind the Omega Virus.

The Omega Virus has a lot of weird stuff associated with it, but the main thing to keep in mind is that the Omega Virus offers up incredible power in exchange for a terrible corruption of the physical and mental state of the subject.

I have always been a fan of drawing weird gross body horror stuff, and the Omega Virus provides a lot of opportunities for that don't get me wrong.

But the important thing is the effects the virus has on the mental state of those it infects. It slowly eats away at the memories of it's host, piece by piece taking away everything that makes someone who they are.

I lost family members to Alzheimers as a teenager, and I wrote a lot of the Omega Virus stories as a way to cope. I was deeply terrified by the concept of forgetting who you are and not even knowing it is happening.

What started as an edgy teenage avenue for grief turned into something more over time. Where I would make these really likable characters dealing with a sci-fi disease that gave them super powers in exchange for a creeping death following them for the rest of their lives. I really like writing characters who know that their sense of self is in danger, and living to constantly reaffirm who they are and their desire to live.

A huge factor in what I hope makes the game scary is that there is more than just 'death' as a threat, but the idea that if you choose wrong, you will have to watch Fourth slowly dissolve until all that she is is empty and gone.

But also because I am pure evil and really like hurting my audience as much as possible, there is another way worse horror that is much more personal and immediate.

Mothers Favorite deals with the physically and emotionally abusive relationship Fourth has with the stations main AI, a giant half organic creature called Mother.

I idea of what would happen to an AI afflicted by the Omega Virus was really interesting. I imagined that they would slowly lose the smaller nuances of what it meant to act 'human' and be reduced down to their core programming, even if that core was no longer logical.

Abuse between loved ones usually stems from a place of control and corrupted ideas of loves. The idea of 'doing this because I love you' is a very painful concept I have personally experienced, and could come about if the abuser had a fundamentally incorrect definition of what love is.

A robot follow its program so much to the letter that is loops back around to something indistinguishable from malice is something Fourth will have to deal with more than once. What I really like about writing her is the uncertainty she feels about her robot 'family' they can be loving and caring one moment and cold and abusive the next. They see nothing illogical about their actions and Fourth feels alone in her feelings. Which I hope gives the game a sense of terror even if there isn't more traditional jump-scares or managing survival mechanics.

I think the visual novel medium helps put players in the head of Fourth a lot better, since you will have to sit and weigh each dialogue option, not knowing which one will set the robots off, and which ones will earn you a few more minutes of safety. That was a fear I lived with growing up and it certainly didn't impact my art in anyway no sir!

I wanted Fourth to be a conduit for a story about love, family and the beauty of self, all of which are under slow attack from both outside and within. There is a lot of ways to unlock happy or at least 'happier' endings and I hope it makes for a good story, not just a non-stop misery fest.

Little bonus:

Mothers Favorite was always intended to be part 1 in a 4 part series. Each story would focus on one of the four original inhabitants of 388-SR. Each game would be an independent story, with all three crossing over in the final game. Your choices in the first three games would carry over and influence the plot of the fourth game.

The next game in the series is planned to be a murder mystery about a military spaceship that takes multiple play-throughs to solve and leads to some fun meta-timelines shenanigans.

Thank you for letting me rant about my OC for a bit. I really love Fourth even though I keep coming up with new ways to hurt her.

[kurosurintomasu]

How did giegue become brain damaged giegue?

[Writer's Note: This post took forever to friggin write. It's written in-character as this Purple Guy. Also, it may have a bit more than the answer you'd want. It's very text heavy. If you're using a screen reader, then you're gonna have a bad time, especially whenever there's images. Have a friend read this to you instead. There's gonna be a lot of shit explained, from DG's origins to Gen's life outside of this. So, press Keep Reading if you interested in those sorts of things. Here we go.]

Before I can answer your question, I have to give you a bit of backstory.

My name is Sangen Demoli, but my friends call me Gen. I am a demon. I live in hell as its (technical) ruler. I'm 13.8 billion years old, as I was one of the seven demons that were created along with the universe. My father is BUBBA. Here's a picture of him.

[Writer's note: Bubba (the big black one) and Herbert (the small white one), creators of the Universe. Image dated July 22, 2020. Drawn by @bowbi.]

I'm an easily entertained guy. I created Earth, and some of its inhabitants, such as the Colormen, who were created in my image. For 4.5-ish billion years, I've essentially done nothing but sit on my ass while the current actual ruler of hell, Lucifer, tortures all those sinning souls. Even though I created Earth, and along with it, Hell. Why does he get the awesome giant castle while I have to live in a shitty fucking mobile home?! It's bollocks, I say, bollocks!

(ahem) Anyways, it was only until the mid 80's, Earth years, that I decided to do something with my life. I decided to keep watch on a small, rabbit-ish type creature throughout its life, watching it grow old, and eventually die. It lived in a village, located in a cave, which itself was situated on a floating island. And a couple years later I learned it was actually a he, not an it.

The rabbit-thing's name? I uh. I forgot. All these years going by makes me forget a lot of things. I remember what he looked like though! Lemme just....

There, this is what he looked like. This is... um... the small rabbit-ish guy. I also remember he had a crush on a girl rabbit-y creature for all of his life... her name was... um... Toroko, I think. Can't remember for the life of me what she looked like though.

Anyways, I was like a sort of... guardian angel (guardian demon?) to the little dude. Watched him grow into a fine young man.

But then... disaster. Sometime in Earth year 2003, he was murdered. In cold blood. By... I don't remember, but it was either a red ogre-type thing, or some megalovaniac- I mean megalomaniac scientist wearing an evil hat. I can't recall.

But, he was dead. I grew so attached to this little goober's life, that when I saw his mangled corpse on the ground, I couldn't help but cry.

I also felt like I failed as a guardian. I just. I needed to do something. So started the first of my many "experimental projects". I dubbed this... "Project Doppelganger."

Here's a very basic re-enactment of what I did in the project.

Of course, this is just a basic re-telling. There was no "remake person" machine that I've made... or at least, there was one, but Project Doppelganger took so long to finish because of me having to design, program, and use the machine. And it finally finished... on Earth date July 10, 2003.

It was called Project Doppelganger due to the fact that I basically remade him in my image. Thing about it though, was that while he had his previous personality, he had essentially no memories of his past.

He didn't even know who he was, so I had to make up some sort of fake backstory for him (which I will not get into, as the Project you now know as DG learned exactly who he was back in Earth year 2022, much to his dismay. He hated me for months lmao) just to make him... less confused as to who he is.

What does this have to do with "Giegue?" though? I'm getting to it.

Essentially, after Project Doppelganger, I never experimented with these sorts of "Creation/Recreation of life" projects. I've made strange inventions, such as a Shard Finder, but nothing as massive as Project DG.

That was, up until earlier this year. DG was playing this game. It was called EarthBound. I saw him get up to the final boss. The little runt on the screen in the spider mech, Porky Minch, unleashed what I can only describe as a horrorterror found in a childrens game from the 90's.

I asked DG what this whole deal was, and he just... started explaining all of the lore. Like, all of it. From the whole "George and Maria" bullshit, to whatever the "Seven Needles" plotline is, and even treating a fanmade project known as "Cognitive Dissonance" as if it were official canon, and basically explaining that as well.

When I asked him what was up with the horrorterror on my screen, he lit up even more and started gushing about this "Giygas" character, as I know know it is named. He continuously talked about his species, and continued to gush on about how it was underutilized canonically or whatever.

So, after all that, he told me "Man, I wish aliens were real," sorta like that Splatoon "I wish squids were real" meme. But... that gave me an idea.

I went home, and started brainstorming.

Now, lemme ask you this. Have you ever heard of an "alternate universe" before? Of course you have, this is Tumblr, for crying out loud.

Basically, there are multiple universes held in one entire Multiverse. Millions upon billions of them, even. And each of those universes have multiple alternate timelines. Think Homestuck. Doomed timelines, and allat.

So, I did a bit of research, and found an alternate universe, much like the universe the MOTHER series takes place. And in it, an alternate, doomed timeline where...

The chosen four, Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo. They were all dead. Killed before they could pray the Universal Cosmic Destroyer out of existence.

And tens of thousands of years passed by with Giygas being this... amorphous brainless horrorterror, not knowing what he is doing, having no control over his actions....

What did I do about it?

I put him in a bag. Like, a tote bag or whatever. Just, shoved him inside.

So, I had Giygas now.

Kept him in a jar, like a bunch of preservatives, or pickles, or other... unsavory fluids. What was I gonna do with him now? I had no clue.

Then, DG's words echoed through my brain. He's only like this because he "...was torn to shreds, molecule by molecule, due to high amounts of stress, anger... and PSI power."

I then knew what I had to do. I asked myself, "Y'know what'd be funny?", and started work on my first "Creation/Recreation of life" project in 20 years, "Project: Reconstruction," named after the "Reconstructed X" enemies from Mother 3.

I gave myself two rules for the project, however. The first one? NO PSI. If PSI was one of the main factors of him becoming the UCD, then I'd think I'd rather prevent that from happening to the VOIDLANDS.

Rule 2? No prior memories. Mostly because I don't want some evil guy roaming around punching people or whatever just because he doesn't have PSI. Also, those daddy-issue memories are one of the other main factors of his... self-destruction. Once again, better safe than sorry.

Anyways, I essentially had no point of reference on what he used to look like, so I basically went on the internet and cross-referenced a whole lot of shit, like the Spriters Resource, Giygas-based Tumblr blogs such as askgiegueandcrew, and... well... Highly unsavory artwork posted on that one furry art site (you know the one) just to get a basic reference for what I wanted him to look like.

[Writers' Note: askgiegueandcrew was/is my main point of reference for whenever I draw Gieegs (though it now has a major touch of my own art-style put in it whenever i do draw them)]

I even drew a blueprint of what I wanted out of Project: Reconstruction.

Here it is. Now, if I had the vision I wanted perfectly fine, then by the project's completion, Earth Date July 10, 2023, it would look a lot like this, now wouldn't it? Then, why don't you tell me...

WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?!?!?!

I kid, of course, I know exactly why.

I took a lot of shortcuts.

A lot of them, in fact.

As I was putting him back together, molecule by molecule, I wanted to be pretty lazy, so I took a lot of them, but just enough to get it to this sort of "acceptable" state. These shortcuts led to a lot of the things you Hellsite Browsers know him for, his dead/blind left eye, his... being shorter than I thought he'd be... the fact that some of his limbs are still very... Giygas-y, red mist-type stuff... And, to answer the original question, his major high-functioning autism. (Though, to be fair, there were also no mind pieces to be found, so I had to make do with other pieces.)

None of these disabilities hurt him, per se, he's living pretty happily I'd say. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

What did I decide to do to celebrate this "successful" project?

Give him to DG as a gift! I mean, it was the 20th anniversary of Project Doppelganger, wasn't it?

I'll let the following images speak for themselves.

Needless to say, DG was not at all happy with me. But then I explained what I did and, while still sort of pissed at me for BRINGING WHAT WAS ONCE THE UNIVERSAL COSMIC DESTROYER TO HIS HOUSE AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, he calmed down a bit. They live together now. I dont wanna say DG's happy about it, but I think he's happy about it.

And now, to answer your question, for realsies this time...

[once-was-muses]

Talbot has undergone a number of mutations due to his prolonged and frequent use of the serum. Most visually notable are the numerous disfigurements; the soft tissue of his lips, nose, and ears sloughed off of his head- his lower jaw all but dissolved and split, turning into a gaping maw- his spine is permanently hunched- his skin is leathery in places, scaly in others, all over more akin to something dead rather than alive. Those with keen eyes may even notice pustules of serum blistering across his body, typically hidden by his cloak but this covering often slides during trials.

It is similarly almost exclusively during trials that another mutation is revealed. More specifically, the awful growths which (more or less) symmetrically sprout from Talbot’s bent back, four on either side of his spine. While they have the same pallid, leathery complexion as Talbot’s skin at their bases, the masses abruptly darken in color and harden only a few centimeters up. They grow out at an angle from Talbot's spine for approximately four inches, before turning downward in an apparent joint of sorts and contonuing for another 3 inches or so, reminiscent of the Entity’s own limbs- albeit in miniature form. They possess limited, rudimentary movement, at most able to simply twitch or writhe in response to stimuli.

However, Talbot has discovered and refined a compound which causes these proto-limbs to grow exponentially, reaching several feet in length and gaining significant mobility and strength. It is in this form that the unfortunate survivors are most familiar with these particular features, powerful enough to lift Talbot from his feet and carry him at high speeds, rebounding off walls to launch him at them for a deathly pounce.

But only a select, unlucky few are aware of at least one of the internal deformities Talbot suffers. One could easily argue it's perhaps the most gruesome of all. Within his lungs and occasionally even esophagus, small polyps of the pustula plants sprout and begin to grow in length, with the only direction to go being up and out. Talbot has no choice but to wait for these vile things to push themselves up his throat and out of his maw, choking amd suffocating him in the process, reaching a length that he can grab hold of them and rip them free. It is every bit as excruciating as it sounds. Talbot has no idea how to even begin to stop the cycle from continuing. Any and all forms of his precious serum only encourage the growths, and the Entity's own annual blighting sends them into overdrive- only a piece of how the event effects Talbot directly.

[ This is my explicit disclaimer that I absolutely hate Talbot’s power in game. It makes absolutely no sense, both from a functionality standpoint and how tf it has anything to do with his character/lore. Fuck you bhvr, I’m giving him a power that is so much better in every way kiss my ass. ]

[ a mock-wiki description of this rework is below the cut for anyone interested ]

Power: Blighted Corruption

The Blight starts the Trial with 5 Tokens. 

Special Ability: Blighted Limbs

One of the many mutations the Blight has undergone due to the serum, eight growths reminiscent of the Entity’s own limbs have sprouted from the killer's back. Activating Blighted Corruption (which uses 1 token) forces these growths to sprout into arachnid legs which carry and propel the Blight forward for a time.

Special Interaction: Slam

A Slam is performed by propelling the Blight into an obstacle. The result differs depending on the type of obstacle hit.

Pallet or breakable wall: the Blight destroys these obstacles upon contact, but loses 1 token.

Window: the Blight vaults through the window at an increased rate, but loses 1 token.

Survivor: the Blight “trips” and is stunned, losing all momentum and tokens, putting the ability into cooldown.

Solid wall: the Blight ricochets off, using the Blighted Limbs to briefly grab hold and adjust trajectory before propelling himself forward again. He loses 1 token.

Special Attack: Lethal Slam

After ricocheting off a solid wall, the Blight is able to quickly readjust to be prepared for attack. The Blight must then perform a Slam into a Survivor, pouncing upon them and putting them in the dying state. The Blight may use his remaining tokens to ricochet after the initial impact with a solid wall to attempt better positioning for greater chance of hitting his target, but must keep in mind every time he propels off the wall he loses a token. Successfully hitting a survivor with a Lethal Slam stops the Blight in his tracks, putting the ability in cooldown and subsequently recharge.

Fatigue

When either “tripping,” the final Lethal Slam is performed with no remaining tokens, the Blight doesn’t propel himself off a solid wall in time, or the Blight successfully pounces on a survivor, he enters the Fatigue state and begins recharging tokens. His movement speed is slowed until the first two tokens are fully recharged, but is still capable of normal killer interactions (i.e. basic attacks, picking up/hooking survivors.)

[infernalight]

RULES (MOBILE FRIENDLY)

Dead Dove : Do Not Eat

NSFW / mature content and dark themes will be present on this blog including, but not limited to, sexual assault, drugs, alcohol, and violence. There will also be some ships that can be seen as problematic. Please do not follow if this might make you uncomfortable. Things will be tagged to the best of my ability, but if there’s something you need tagged, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Mutuals Only, 18+

This blog is a semi-selective, mutuals only 18+ rp blog. I do not practice “follow for follow”, but I try to give everyone a chance. If I don’t follow back, please do not take it personally. This is not against you or your writing. If we’re mutuals and there is no interaction between us IC or OOC after a given amount of time, I will soft block.  If you are under 18, you will be blocked.

No Hate / No Drama

I will not tolerate hate towards me or my friends and I refrain from being involved in any kind of drama, so please… leave it at the door. If you have a problem with a mutual of mine, I don’t want to hear it. I like to form my own opinions about people and I refuse to take sides. Just block them and filter out the tag and move on. If that’s not enough, just block and move on.

Mun ≠ Muse

There are some muses on here that do horrible things. However, just because I write my muses doing terrible things DOES NOT MEAN I agree with or support their actions. Things will be tagged to the best of my ability, but again, if there’s something you need tagged, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Multi-verse / Multi-ship

I am a huge ship whore, so I will have multiple ships on this blog. However, they will all be in different universes unless stated otherwise! No one is cheating on anyone else unless it’s been discussed beforehand.

Shipping Preference

Each character will have a list of wanted ships under their character info, but that doesn’t mean those are the only ships I want for them. I am down for all kinds of ships and ship types.

Smut / NSFW

I will do my best to tag this, but sometimes I forget. I’m only human and I am sorry in advance. MINORS DNI. Content will be tagged “──  *  suggestive” and “──  *  nsfw” for blacklisting purposes.

Triggers

I personally don’t have any triggers that need tagged myself, but I will try my best to tag anything that might be a trigger for anyone else. However, sometimes I forget or miss things. If there’s something you would like me to tag or something that I missed, please just message me.  Triggering content will be tagged “tag tw” for blacklisting purposes.

Crossover / AU Friendly

This is self explanatory. I might not make verses for every fandom I’m a part of, but if you want a crossover / au ship, don’t be afraid to come talk to me. I might not know every fandom, but give me enough detail and I’ll be down for anything.

Duplicates

I love duplicates and twin aus so please, don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to do something with the same character as you. In fact, I encourage you to do so.

Spoilers

This is not a spoiler free blog, but I will try my best to tag them or keep them hidden under a read more for up to 2 weeks after release.  Spoilers will be tagged “fandom spoilers” for blacklisting purposes.

[northsalpha-archive]

ansel  and  mobile  phones  are  caught  in  a  never  -  ending  battle.      it  is  the  one  modern  day  technology  that  he  will  probably  never  be  able  to  get  on  board  with.    he  hates  them,    despises  them.    declares  war  on  them  daily.    since  returning  from  the  dead,    his  number  has  changed  frequently  because  he  keeps  breaking  them  out  of  frustration.    that  said,    i  will  say  once  he  got  slightly  more  tech  savvy,    he  did  set  his  ringtone  to  duran  duran’s  hungry  like  the  wolf  and,    eventually,    his  display  picture  will  be  a  photograph  of  him    &    young  hope.    his  voicemail  is  entirely  similar  to  supernatural’s  castiel  leave  your  voice  of  mail  message  and  it’s  really,  probably,  absolutely  useless  leaving  one,    because  he  never  listens  to  them.    man  takes  an  hour  just  to  type  one  text,    don’t  ask  him  to  figure  out  how  he  calls  his  answer  machine.    

just  for  fun,    some  silly      (    yet  fully  canon    )      reasons  he  has  in  fact  crushed  a  phone  in  his  bare  hands;      the  camera  was  always  pointing  at  him  whenever  he  opened  it    &    he  couldn’t  figure  out  how  to  reserve    /    he  lost  his  candy  crush  highscore  after  spending  three  hours  working  on  it    /    he  kept  answering  it  the  wrong  way  around  and  rather  than  simply  turning  it  over,    he  chose  violence  instead    /    he  kept  getting  sent  spam  texts  about  a  car  accident  he  wasn’t  in    /    it  wouldn’t  switch  on  and  naturally,    throwing  it  across  the  room  was  easier  than  taking  a  moment  to  realize  he  was  pushing  the  wrong  button    /    he  couldn’t  figure  out  how  to  switch  silent  mode  on  and  the  noises  were  annoying    /    he  discovered  multiple  fandoms’  poor  takes  on  modern  werewolves    /    he  still  hasn’t  mastered  the  art  of  lying  abt  his  age,    making  it  impossible  for  him  to  create  accounts  on  anything  because  he  kept  telling  them  he  was  born  a  thousand  years  ago    &    they  thought  he  was  a  spam  bot.