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blondephil · 8 months ago

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hello (one of the) resident phannie data analyst(s) here with some parasocial stats on dnp’s movie tastes! following: distribution of dan and phil's ratings overall, movies they each rated 5 stars, their lowest-rated movies, and the similarities + differences in their tastes

(lore moment: yes i am a data analyst in my real job. yes i surprised myself with wanting to do this in my spare time. but then i remembered when we read dracula in college (yes i was an english major) and i graphed like, how many times dracula was referred to as vampire versus monster or something. so i shouldn’t be surprised.

first up, their overall rating patterns and by ~special status~ (i.e., wall-e, kill bill, avatar, lmao, plus big hero 6 for the fun of it)

dan’s rated 304 movies and phil’s rated 305. both of them have mean and median ratings of 4 with min 1 and max 5.

both rated kill bill vols. 1 and 2 a 5. wall-e got a 4.5 from dan and a 4 from phil (phake phans). both gave avatar a 3.5. and big hero 6 3.5 (dan) and 4.5 (phil)

rating distribution:

i did analyses here by genre but i need to fix the output (i’m writing all of these based on the markdown document from my phone on the subway, but i need to fix the outputs and i don’t have my computer. so those are pending but there are other genre analyses that i could do & haven’t yet!)

while i was sorting through the data i got the impression that dan overall rated movies higher than phil. so, among movies that they've both rated, here's some information

number of movies dan rated higher than phil: 65

Empire Strikes Back, Blade Runner, Return of the Jedi, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Nightmare Before Christmas, Toy Story, Phantom Mence, Donnie Darko, Attack of the Clones, Finding Nemo, Oldboy, The Notebook, Batman Begins, Brokeback Mountain, WALL-E, (500) Days of Summer, Up, The Hangover, Drive, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Life of Pi, Skyfall, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Whiplash, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Room, The Hateful Eight, The Force Awakens, Manchester by the Sea, Deadpool, La La Land, Moonlight, Rogue One, Call Me By Your Name, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2., Wonder Woman, Spider-Man: Homecoming, I, Tonya, Thor: Ragnorak, Phantom Thread, Roma, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Toy Story 4, Midsommar, Ad Astra, Knives Out, Soul, The Green Knight, No Time to Die, Don't Look Up, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Turning Red, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Thor: Love and Thunder, The Banshees of Inisherin, The Fabelmans, Glass Onion, Beau is Afraid, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

number of movies phil rated higher than dan: 55

Star Wars (New Hope), Blair Witch Project, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Ocean's Eleven, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Moonrise Kingdom, Iron Man 3, Gravity, Prisoners, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Imitation Game, Nightcrawler, John Wick, Gone Girl, Big Hero 6, Jurassic World, The Martian, The Revenant, Nocturnal Animals, Split, Get Out, Baby Driver, The Disaster Artist, Dunkirk, The Shape of Water, The Greatest Showman, The Last Jedi, Ready Player One, Crazy Rich Asians, A Star is Born, Rocketman, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood, Joker, The Rise of Skywalker, The Invisible Man, A Quiet Place Part II, Greenland, Tenet, Malignant, Eternals, The Matrix Resurrections, Scream (2022), Nope, Prey, Talk to Me, Avatar: The Way of the Water, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One

number of movies they rated the same: 99!

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Se7en, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Spider-Man, Lost in Translation, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Mean Girls, Howl's Moving Castle, Children of Men, The Dark Knight, Pontypool, Inglourious Basterds, Avatar, Toy Story 3, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Black Swan, The Social Network, 21 Jump Street, The Hunger Games, Silver Linings Playbook, The Conjuring, Snowpiercer, Her, Thor: The Dark World, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Boyhood, It Follows, Guardians of the Galaxy, Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance), Interstellar, Ex Machina, The Witch, Avengers: The Age of Ultron, Mad Max: Fury Road, Inside Out, Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Your Name., Arrival, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, mother!, It, Blade Runner 2049, Hereditary, Black Panther, Annihilation, A Quiet Place, Avengers: Infinity War, Captain Marvel, Us, Avengers: Endgame, Parasite, It Chapter Two, Marriage Story, Uncut Gems, 1917, Black Widow, The Suicide Squad, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Dune, Last Night in Soho, The Batman (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once, X, The Northman, Top Gun: Maverick, Bullet Train, Barbarian, Pearl, M3GAN, Dungeons and Dragongs: Honor Among Thieves, Evil Dead Rise, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., No Hard Feelings, Saltburn, Priscilla, Society of the Snow, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

i didn't analyse this by genre or anything, but i could -- so if you're interested lmk!

the 5 movies with the most different ratings between dan and phil

- Iron Man 2 (dan: 2, phil 3.5)

- The Greatest Showman (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Malignant (d: 3, p: 4.5)

- Scream (2022) (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Beau is Afraid (d: 3, p: 1.5)

Interesting that even though dan has more higher rated movies, 4/5 of these ones phil rated higher.

next, their 5-star movies

dan's five stars: 80

Alien, Empire Strikes Back, ET, Blade Runner, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Jurassic Park, Nightmare Before Christmas, Schindler's List, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Toy Story, Fargo, Scream, The Fifth Element, Hercules, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Fight Club, Magnolia, The Emperor's New Groove, Donnie Darko, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Finding Nemo, Kill Bill, Oldboy, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Shaun of the Dead, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, Revenge of the Sith, Brokeback Mountain, No Country for Old Men, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Tree of Life, 21 Jump Street, The Avengers, Life of Pi, Skyfall, Under the Skin, Whiplash, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Sicario, The Hateful Eight, La La Land, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, First Man, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Parasite, Midsommar, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

phil's five stars:

Star Wars (New Hope), Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Revenant, Arrival, Dunkirk, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Gladiator, Little Miss Sunshine

overlap: 39

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick

& their lowest rated movies...

dan: matrix resurrections (1) , thor: the dark world (1.5), the rise of skywalker (1.5)

phil: crimes of the future (1), attack of the clones (1.5), thor: the dark world (1.5), don’t look up (1.5), the matrix resurrections (1.5), doctor strange in the multiverse of madness (1.5), beau is afraid (1.5), black bear (1.5)

not even chris hemsworth could save thor the dark world, i guess (kat dennings, though…)

movies they logged on the same date:

note that this is like, non-exhaustive, because this is only based on their diaries that list the date. i think in reality they've watched most of these movies together. frequently dan logged a couple days after phil which aren’t shown here. procrastination queen

Pontypool, Eternals, The Northman, Nope, Barbarian, The Banshees of Inisherin, Glass Onion, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Beau is Afraid, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One, Saltburn, Poor Things, Priscilla, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

movies that one logged and not the other:

dan but not phil: 85

The Exorcist, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Home Alone 2, Schindler's List, Fargo, Romeo & Juliet, Hercules, Men in Black, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Mummy, The 13th Warrior, Fight Club, The Emperor's New Groove, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Legally Blonde, Monsters, Inc, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Scooby-Doo, 28 Days Later, Matrix Reloaded, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, School of Rock, Matrix Revolutions, Saw, Shaun of the Dead, Shrek 2, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Revenge of the Sith, The Devil Wears Prada, Borat, Casino Royale, No Country for Old Men, Death Proof, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, There Will Be Blood, Tropic Thunder, Slumdog Millionaire, Moon, District 9, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The King's Speech, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Tree of Life, X-Men: First Class, Prometheus, Argo, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, World War Z, Pacific Rim, Under the Skin, 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, The Babadook, The Lego Movie, x-Men: Days of Future Past, 22 Jump Street, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, The Theory of Everything, Green Room, Sicario, Spotlight, The Big Short, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Conjuring 2, Train to Busan, Hacksaw Ridge, Doctor Strange, Hidden Figures, Logan, You Were Never Really Here, Game Night, Isle of Dogs, First Man, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Suspiria, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Glass, Hustlers, Pig, Violent Night

phil but not dan: 86

Jaws, The Terminator, Beetlejuice, Die Hard, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Groundhog Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Leon: The Professional, The Usual Suspects, The Frighteners, The Sixth Sense, Being John Malkovich, American Beauty, The Green Mile, Gladiator, Catch Me if You Can, Elf, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Little Miss Sunshine, Pan's Labyrinth, The Prestige, Zodiac, Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Juno, Lake Mungo, Twilight, Zombieland, Kick-Ass, Brave, Evil Dead, The Great Gatsby, Now You See Me, Monsters University, Man of Steel, About Time, Dallas Buyers Club, Edge of Tomorrow, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The Boy, Raw, Finding Dory, Suicide Squad, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, John Wick: Chapter 2, Lady Bird, The Ritual, Happy Death Day, Deadpool 2, Ocean's 8, Ant-Man and The Wasp, Bird Box, Booksmart, Crawl, Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Platform, Black Bear, Palm Springs, The Empty Man, The Innocents, Titane, Old, Free Guy, The Black Phone, Fresh, Watcher, Bodies Bodies Bodies, Ambulance, Aftersun, Crimes of the Future, Fall, Bones and All, The Menu, Sanctuary, Do Revenge, Smile, Hellraiser (2022), Mr. Harrigan's Phone, Plane, Missing, Infinity Pool, Past Lives, Knock at the Cabin, Scream VI

i’m interested to see how this varies by genre!

miscellaneous non-statistical things that made me parasocially emotional and/or laugh during this process:

they watched nope together on christmas eve 2022 <3

dan rated moulin rouge a 5 <3 nature boy <3

he also rated shrek a 5. of course. (valid).

4.5 from dan and 4 from phil from the notebook

5 from danny for brokeback mountain <3 and a 4.5 from philly

cmbyn, yes, has its issues, but dan rated 4.5 and phil 4

the shape of water got a 4.5 from monsterfucker phil lester (dan gave it a 4)

surprisingly phil rated rocketman higher than dan! surprising because dan liked so many musicals

dan gave hustlers a 3.5. i don't know why i think this is funny, but i do. phil doesn't have it logged or rated, lmao.

a 4 (d) and a 3.5 (p) for barbie!

phil gave twilight a 3. lol.

phil also gave do revenge only a 3.5. tragique.

phil watched a LOT of horror alone in october 2022 (aka while dan was on tour). anyway he's just like me <3

#dan and phil #dnp #phan #dan howell #phil lester #twitter says letterboxd should have been gatekept i say 1) know your phannie history! 2) this is nothing their usernames are so obvious you #think they didn’t know this would be found? be fr!

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aseaofyoongi · 2 years ago

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behind pixels 1 | jjk

jjk x reader (f)

genre: sex worker au (jk)

rating: mature audiences only (strictly 18+)

summary: with rising stress, being caught touching yourself and no satisfaction for your own imagination you decide to take your friends advice of using a certain little app for assistance.

warnings: not another college smut au . . you guessed it lol; foul language; sensual/dirty talk; masturbation; computer sex; strangers to sex worker jk helping you out for the night lol (pls stay safe of the world wide web yall); mentions of sexual intercourse - but ofc there is none; cum eating. . she licks her fingers after.. yeah; open ending and no preparation for a pt. 2 so dont hate me.

next part: behins pixels the sequel

word count: 3,3 thousand words

posted: april 8th, 2023

BunnyBoy98 is typing…..

Is this your first time

here?

Sorta.

You can’t sorta be

here for the first time.

It's a yes or no question.

I thought this site was

no questions asked. No

strings attached?

You against conversation

or something? Desperate

to get right to it?

Not desperate. . but that is

what we’re here for.

Right bunny boy?

Right.

There was a second of silence in between messages. For a brief moment you interpreted his quietness as a goodbye but he was still online. . Perhaps, he thought you to be too straightforward and that turned him off entirely and he moved on to the next user.

Still, there was a faint hope within you that he would reply so you sat in the dead stillness of your room, lights turned off to avoid recognition, door locked with only your undergarments to hug your body.

Typically, this wouldn’t be the event to make-up your Friday night however stressed induced days. . and the simple fact that you were in a torment of arousal twenty-four seven with no further satisfaction stemming from the guidance your imagination had on your fingers.

BunnyBoy98 is typing…..

You sat up on the bed in anticipation of his reply even though you'd never admit it to the stranger on the other side of the screen. He was about to help you get off, so you were definitely at the gates of desperation. It trickled all throughout your body as if a rain cloud sat right above you drenching you in its honeyed ardor.

Your skin turned to goosebumps as the chat bubble continued appearing and disappearing again and again.

Fine. But at least

tell me how you

found me.

I wasn’t specifically

searching for you.

Then who?

Anyone really.

Ouch. You know

I actually felt a bit

special for a second.

You still should. You’re

description helped me

choose you.

Be honest, was it

the tattoos?

If I say maybe would

you be mad at me?

Not at all.

Then, yes.

Plus your description

says you have long hair.

Who was the

runner-up?

Someone named Tae. But

I remembered a friend

visits him often.

So you found out

about us through

a friend?

Yes.

We can do either a

video call or messages.

Which do you prefer?

Video call.

If you’re up for it.

I’m OK with it

as long as you are.

I’ll call you in 5.

I’ll be here.

The rippling anticipation waved through you like electric currents rumbling your entire being right off its course. Though, BunnyBoy98 was a complete stranger you were minutes away from stripping yourself of every bit of shame and vulnerability right before him.

You couldn’t believe you actually went through with it.

And it all began about a week prior. When your friend had walked in on you in a . . less than ideal situation. You succumbed to the pleasure of your favorite toy, legs stretched wide and completely bare on your bottom half. Overcome in the feeling as you maintain focus on chasing your own orgasm. You remember hearing the hinges on the door creak but you weren’t expecting anyone so you remained painting a fervor image behind your eyelids. Envisioning slender fingers being pumped in and out of you repeatedly.

There were beads of sweat strolling down your body as you were in position; about to be catapulted into outer space. The atmosphere you set for yourself was serene and the only sounds that could be heard were your occasional whimpers and the music that played softly in the background. Everything drove you closer and closer to where you wanted to be.

Where you needed to be.

You were so close then a gasp inundated the air around you. A gasp that most certainly did not come from you.

“What the fuck?” You shot your eyes open and quickly saw your friend buried into a corner near the door. She faced the wall but you could only imagine the revolted look on her face, “can you lock the door next time?”

“Oh my,” you quickly pulled the covers over your sweaty body, “can you knock next time?”

“I did knock,” she yelled back, “but you were a little busy.”

“So you just barge in?”

“I thought you might have been dead in the toilet or something,” she shrugged and turned back around to find you sprawled in your bed, “oh, you’re done?”

“What do you think?”

“I mean don’t stop on my account. We all do it,” she sat across from your bed and began spinning around on your computer chair, “I personally like to meet Tae when I’m in the mood but you know this all works too.”

“Who’s Tae?” you questioned sitting up in the bed; wrapping your bed sheets around your figure tightly.

“He’s from this app where guys kinda help girls get off,” she said it so casually you almost didn’t fully decipher the words escaping her lips.

“There’s an app for that?”

“It’s the twenty-first century there’s literally an app for everything.”

You cleared your throat, “is it safe?”

“Are you interested?” she waggled her brows.

“No,” you scoffed, “did you need something?”

“I can’t come over just to spend time?” she shook her head, “I should’ve let you finish. Maybe you would have been in a better mood.”

“Fuck you,” you giggled.

“At least use this next time,” your phone dinged after she quickly sent you a text, “let me know how it goes.”

Her exit was barely audible. You were too preoccupied studying the link she sent for the app called ‘Eargasm An App for Women in Need.’

BunnyBoy98 is typing…..

I’m ready.

Can I call you?

Yeah.

You can call.

The ringtone echoing amongst your walls was taunting, and your nerves nearly fooled you into letting it ring. And while it took a lot of physical and mental strength to actually pick your hand up and move it towards the mouse pad you were finally able to press the green button lighting up your screen.

BunnyBoy98 sat up against a wall; glowing under blue LED lights. His black hair was long as detailed in his description and it sat right above his shoulders. Though it was hard to tell under the stark ambiance his eyes mimicked the tint of chocolate and his piercing stare was aimed at you on the other side of the screen. . Well, it was actually aimed at your dark screen. Though, it was selfish of you, as you hid cowardly behind your turned off camera you wished he would remove the black mask hiding the bottom half of his face.

“Hi,” he greeted.

“Hi,” you murmured, perhaps a bit scared that someone might hear this interaction play out although no one would. You made sure your door was locked this time and you didn’t even have a roommate. “Should I continue calling you BunnyBoy or is there something else you prefer to be called?”

“You can call me JK,” his voice was sultry, soothing, grave. Somehow a mixture of all three in one; it vibrated in your inner ear like some sort of an invasively soft tune, one you know you’d be replaying many times after tonight.

“Sorry about the dark screen,” you attempted to swallow down any ounce of nervousness, “I guess you can say I’m a bit nervous.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” his reassurance quickly eased your frazzled nerves, “though I’ll admit you did sound a bit more assertive over messages.”

“I tend to come off over-confident through texts,” you snickered, “it’s a natural flaw.”

“Confidence is sexy so I would say it’s a blessing.”

The word sexy sounded so enticing coming from his lips even as they were hidden behind that damned black cloth. You roamed through countless fantasies of the man sitting right before you, about the way he possibly looked without being covered; how his touch might feel on your scorching skin and the tone of his whispers closer in the proximity of your ear.

“You’re awfully quiet,” he voice was playful, but it was so hard to read his expression behind his covered face, “have you begun having fun without me?”

“No,” you mumbled, “I haven’t.”

“Good,” he said, “why don’t you tell me what you like.”

“Like during. .” you drifted off.

He nodded, tucking his hair behind his ear, “What else are we here for darling?”

“Yes. Of course,” you huffed, slapping your palm on your forehead undoubtedly astounded by your own stupidity, “Uh, I like. .” You gave it some thought but kept rounding the same corners leading to you cluelessness, “I’m not sure I know what I like.”

“Forgive me for being blunt but have you touched yourself recently?”

“That’s the exact reason why I ended up here.”

“You’re addicted to masturbating?” He whispered as if he was keeping some big secret.

“No!” you answered back quickly, “Not at all. I’ve just been a bit stressed lately and well. . something else happened.”

“What happened?”

“My friend kinda walked in on me,” you whispered.

“It happens to the best of us sadly,” he chuckled, a sound so beautiful and gentle it matched the soft tune of songbirds in the morning, “how about you begin by telling me about the last time you were aroused. Just walk me through whatever got you in the mood that day.”

You closed your eyes leaning your head against the headboard. Your thoughts traveled back to a couple of days prior when your body sunk into the mattress under the hex of your fingertips. You were stripped down bare but you recalled the way every inch of your body was covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“I had just gotten home after my classes,” a small white lie was the price to pay to save any once of dignity you had left in the eyes of the stranger before you — in reality, that very day and every other day you’d found yourself under the amorous touches of your sinful fantasies whenever you saw him, the boy employed at the campus student center.

You didn’t know his name and in reality he only lived in your mind in small flashes. The first polaroid was composed of his cheeky smile framed by indents of his round cheeks. While other snap shots focused on the way he always wore in a half up half down style or a bun; others were centered around the numerous tattoos inked into his right arm, especially the snake sitting right above his wrist and the patchwork tattoos on the dorsal side of his hand.

“Were you thinking about someone?”

“Yes.”

“What were they doing?”

There was a rush of heat traveling through you as you recalled the way you dreamt up his touch against your body, the way his fingers left behind trails of goosebumps on your skin.

“First he began touching me softly,” It was like your body was on auto drive and before you knew it you set the laptop beside you on the bed and began getting comfortable on the bed.

“Was he touching you anywhere specific?”

You hummed in response, “he drew all kinds of figures into my inner thigh, kept inching closer and closer and then he would pull away abruptly.”

“Did you enjoy him pulling away?”

“Yes, it made me want it more.”

“Ok, I’m gonna ask you to do a couple of things. If you don’t want to do something just tell me. I’m here for your pleasure.”

You nodded, then realized he couldn’t see you, “Yea, that’s fine.”

A strain of the jitters ate away at your nerves and you weren’t sure if you’d ever come down from that rollercoaster of anxiety. You were sitting at the peak in a single-person cart waiting to be plummeted down the valley of the tracks leading you to the finale; the culmination of an enticing ride.

“Are you naked?”

“Somewhat.”

“Take it all off.”

Even in the stillness of darkness removing your bra and panties made you feel entirely vulnerable. You were technically alone but JK was right there just a couple of pixels away.

“Close your eyes, doll. I want you to begin touching yourself just wherever it feels good,” he instructed and you weren’t sure if it was your mind playing tricks on you but you could’ve sworn his voice became more bass, “start high and slowly make your way down to your breasts. When you’re there let me know.”

His words were tainted with sin meanwhile he still sat back nonchalantly. You'd imagined he was satisfied in the way your soft whimpers overtook the air as you began pinching your perked nipples but you couldn’t tell for sure not while he still wore his mask.

“I’m assuming you’ve made it.” he chuckled.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“You’re not very good at following instructions. Are you, doll?” he rolled up the sleeves of his crewneck, finally exposing the infamous tattoos he detailed in his description. They were like pieces of artwork adorning his entire arm, not a single spot was left visible—and as much as you tried to get a better look at them for some reason you found it impossible to focus on just one.

“Sorry,” you muttered once again, “I was caught up in the moment I guess.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he offered, “but I need you to be vocal since I can’t exactly see you.”

“I’ll be more vocal. I promise,” you said, still toying with your nipples in between your fingers, “right now my hands are still at my tits.”

“Are you bored of that yet, doll?” the onset of his tumultuous utter; it was thunderous, like music for the soul, “you wanna aim lower?”

“Yes.”

“With the tips of your fingers I want you to move down your cleavage,” he said, “and stop right at your pelvis.”

Quickly, it felt like the evening had rushed by and the sun had been relocated right beside your bed. Though you complied with his command any form of coherent words became jammed in your throat incapable of rolling off your tongue.

The way your fingers slid past your folds earned a string of whimpers from your lips earning a satisfied titter from JK on the other side of the screen.

“Nice and slow, doll,” JK said, “be gentle but I want you to apply a bit of pressure every time your fingers meet your clit.”

JK’s voice was no longer muffled from the laptop’s static microphone. Instead in this version of your altered reality he was laying right beside you on your bed, and his fingers substituted yours against your cunt. His touch contained something yours simply did not possess, composed of a sort of spell that left you babbling moans. And as his fingers traced whichever incoherence they wanted into your clit you felt closer to your pinnacle.

“Fuck,” he stuttered, “I love the way you say my name.”

The bubbling daringness dazed with pleasure drove you to chant his name over and over in between your pants and obscenities. “You have no idea the things I would do for you to fuck me right now,” It was your best attempt at trying to break past his professional shell — His head fell back against the wall as his adam’s apple bobbed up and up, his eyes were shut tightly and his hands fidgeted with something off frame.

“You have no idea how much I’d love to fuck you but this is a contactless doll,” his breathing became uneven, “I’m afraid we could never meet. You could never know who I am and I could never know who you are.”

“N-never say never,” the contract enforced by the site was clear and simple, both parties must grant their consent to the meeting online without disclosing their identities. For safety measures you understood the implications of the rules applied but what of it when you genuinely just wanted to meet the dulcet stranger and ride along him for the wildest time of your life.

“Just focus on the feeling,” his voice was rugged; raspy as a result of the groans he sang into the air, “Focus on that shiver taking your back hostage and that very knot tightening in your core. I want you to only let your thoughts be consumed by that very feeling.”

You sat up using your elbow for support, still thriving to maintain the mental image of having JK near in curated colors. Again, you were in the presence of the man dipping the mattress beside you as he laid down with eyes to scorching their umber tone surrounding you in warmth.

“Now, finger yourself.”

The squelching sound of your finger pushing past your entrance had JK sitting up straight like he was intrigued by your facile compliance but you thought it was obvious that by now there was very little you wouldn’t do as long as it came from him.

“I wish I could see you doll,” he confessed, “I bet you look heavenly with your fingers inside of you.”

“C-contactless r-remember,” The motion living up to your satisfaction was hastened —you became divulged in the feeling of your walls on your fingers. You felt soft, warm, tight. All of the sensations combined to create a feeling so addicting your fingers developed a mind of their own as you drove themselves in and out of you with ease.

“Right. .”

“Fuck, this f-feels,” you swallowed to ease the desert developing in the back of your throat, “it feels s-so fucking good.”

“If I were there,” he mumbled, barely audible but your ears still perked up at the lulls of his voice, “First, I would serenade every inch of your skin. Your body would be the portrait I’d paint with my lips.”

“Mhm. .”

“I would cherish your body so well. Eat you out until your legs shake and fuck you until you’re a candid mess.”

“O-oh, fuck! JK don’t stop.”

“I would fuck you so well, doll.”

“I-I’m so close,” your arm became numbed yet, you kept fucking yourself with your fingers still succumbing to the fantasy of having JK in replacement of your own hand.

The temperature in your room draws beads of sweat on your body and the more you strive to reach your high the more scorching the temperature becomes. The creaking of your bed accentuated the speed of your movements, it was like a song featuring your constant moans.

“Until you’re babbling nonsense, and your headboard is marking up the wall and the neighbors finally know my name.”

JK’s words were laced with a delectable nectar, so sweet, a once off taste wasn’t enough and as you pleaded for more and he complied, continuing to fill your ears with sinful promises you crashed hard. Coming in spurts of white coating your fingers.

“I have a surprise for you,” you panted in between almost every word, “you ready?”

He nodded.

Call it post orgasm tipsiness but after sitting up a bit and adjusting the laptop to leave anything that wasn’t your mouth out of frame you turned on your camera for the very first time that night, pushing your glistening fingers which once invaded your walls past your swollen lips.

His hands rose to his hair and he slithered his fingers through it lightly before gripping his roots into his fists looking a fair amount aroused and frustrated. The tattoos you desperately wanted a peek of were finally on full display. After turning off your camera once again and JK began uttering praises your way, you began scanning the ink on his arm from his forearm up slowly. The artwork adorned his skin beautifully.

As you neared his wrists you noticed a very similar serpentine snake—one who you have stared at too often.

“Typically, things here are a bit different,” you finally registered his voice, “you would turn on your camera and I would provide more detailed assistance but I hope you still had a good time. I did.”

“Yeah,” your mind was in outer space, “I had a really good time.”

“Don’t shy away from visiting me again, OK?”

“Yeah,” you said, “bye, JK.”

Once the camera was off and you shut your laptop tightly, coming to the realization.

JK was him.

The boy, your boy from the student center.

an: i was bored and im so sorry lol

reblogs, likes, comments, replies are always appreciated 🫶🏽

#bts #bts smut #bts imagines #bts reactions #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #very brief mention of tae #jungkook drabble

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bunniandhoney · 5 months ago

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Angst | He doesn’t realize what he has until it’s gone, fast-forward he sees her back at the premiere

P.s Just for fun , Idk how he is Irl he is a sweetheart tho

Dear Anon,

How did you know I love angst? 😏

xoxo,

Bunni

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Life’s a Marathon

Jacob takes his best friend for granted.

Y/N found herself in the most awkward predicaments. Never by her own design but certainly by the construction of her best friend Jacob.

“I think i might’ve fucked up” Jacob says looking down at Y/N as she ties her shoes. “I think I’m going to have to agree, neither one of us should be running a marathon this early or really at all.” YN replies with a grim look on her face.

She definitely shouldn’t have agreed to this. She hates sweating and gets her daily exercise from the 25 minute walk from her apartment to her office job. But since she has a burning crush on her best friend she has such a hard time telling Jacob no, actually she’s never fully told Jacob no.

Like that time in Year 10 when he’d ask her to help with his final paper. Even though she was behind on hers and working extra shifts at the cafe she still did his, resulting in her earning a C+ on her paper and an A on his. Or when she told him she just wanted a relaxing night in for her 18th, but Jacob insisted on hitting up every pub in the city. She then spent the last moments of her 18th birthday rubbing Jacob’s back as he emptied his guts in the toilet. This is what best friends do though, they sacrifice, they care, and apparently they run marathons with zero training.

Finally on her feet Jacob pulls her in by her shoulders. “ Quick let’s take a selfie to remember this moment”, with wide grins facing his phone Jacob takes the picture.

“Will all runners please make their way to the starting line” the announcer says.

YN is starting to feel sick. “ You know I can always wait for you at the checkpoints and cheer”

“Yeah but where would the fun be in that? Besides you can’t leave me now, we’re at the starting line.” Dragging her feet YN follows an excited Jacob to the starting line with the rest of the runners.

The sound of the gun signals the runners to start, and they’re off…well Jacob is. YN is already at the back of the pack within 60 seconds of the race starting and her best friend is nowhere to be found.

When she finally finishes the first mile, she’s slightly winded but not awful, the second clearly wears her down though because she’s practically walking. Huffing and puffing she tries to pick her pace back up as she sees the finish line. She sees Jacob at the end cheering for her, or at least that’s what she thinks because her vision seems a little blurry and black dots are spotting her vision. Yn is almost there, almost at the end when everything goes dark.

People are laughing at her. YN can hear it as she comes to; wait is that Jacob laughing at her? Blinking her eyes open she does see him laughing but it’s joined by a woman’s laugh, a very pretty woman now that her vision is clearing up.

“Jac—“ the rasp coming from her voice is unrecognizable, but does the trick because Jacob looks down at her.

“You’re awake!” says the pretty lady on her other side.

“I’m Dr. Sams, I was the medic on the scene when you passed out. Can you tell me your name?”

—

Sitting under a cooling tent with ice packs on most of her body and being forced to chug down gatorade is probably top 5 most embarrassing moments especially since the only other person under there is a 65 year old man who threw out his knee, and said he felt too hot under the medic tent. “It’s alright doll, my first race wasn’t sunshine and rainbows either, " he says with a grin.

“Dr. Sams said you’re clear if you’re ready to go. Should probably take you home to rest.” Jacob says helping YN up. The car ride back to her apartment is dead silent besides the loud tension between Jacob’s guilt and YN's embarrassment. When he pulls into her garage Jacob decides to break the ice. “Look i’m really sorry love, you were right the marathon was not a good idea. I’m sure dehydration was not in your weekend plans.”

A sympathetic smile, the same one she always gives when Jacob screws up, graces her face. “It’s not your fault I’m an adult, and should’ve known that I was feeling way too bad to continue.”

Walking up to YN’s apartment Jacob can’t help but to be apologetic still. Laying YN on the couch and getting her a bottle of water from the fridge Jacob, trying to ease any leftover tension yells, "Well at least something good came from today?”

And honestly nothing is coming to YN’s mind, in fact, today was about as horrible as it could get for her.

She was spontaneously woken up at the crack of dawn.

The “Big Suprise” her best friend/crush for her was a damn marathon

She had to run a marathon

And lastly, she passed out in front of hundreds of people including Jacob. Yeah, there couldn’t possibly be anything good.

“The cute medic that was helping you, well we were chatting so I’m taking her out tonight!”

Mentally adding this to the list of horrible things happening today YN groans, “My head is pounding, what did you say?”

“I’ve got a date with a hot doctor babe!” he yells back gleefully.

YM closes her eyes silently hoping that what’s happening is that she’s in a dream and when she wakes up it’ll be noon, she will just now be getting up, and planning to spend the whole day in a big Tshirt (no pants of course). But when she peeks open one of her eyes she sees her best friend walking back with a glass of orange juice and some painkillers. “ Here you go, Dr. Sams said this might help with any aches or fatigue.”

Nope, not a dream, but a terrible nightmare.

Jacob finally heads out, claiming he needs to prepare for his date, leaving YN alone and feeling incredibly achey. In the 15 years she’s known Jacob he has only had a girlfriend twice.

Once in Year 9, Elizabeth Brown, ended up being on the receiving end of Jacob’s turn of a horrid “Spin the Bottle” game. Elizabeth claimed Jacob was the best kisser in the world and deemed him her boyfriend. Which to her point was very true as YN and Jacob had been practicing for years at that point. Jacob beaming with pride accepted the title for approximately 17 days before he claimed she was way too clingy and broke it off.

The next was years later in university when he dated Sasha Davies for TWO whole years. YN just knew she’d lost him. But Sasha was quite rude and incredibly judgey, so when she found out that Jacob passed up a regular job for acting, she dumped him, leaving YN to pick up the pieces. Since then Jacob had sworn off dating until he was settled in his career as a full time actor, claiming that YN and his mum were the only women he needed in his life.

So why on earth are things changing now! She thought she was all he needed, even if nothing went further than friendship. YN is not near spiteful enough to ruin a relationship, so for now she’ll just sit back and see if anything comes of this one date.

—

Unfortunately, everything comes from one date, because it turns into two and three. Then eventually Yvanne (Dr. Sams) and Jacob are practicing living together in a matter of months. It’s not that Jacob ignores YN, no, he tries to include her in almost everything the couple does. He even tries to do a weekly coffee date with YN just to check in on her, but YN can’t do it. She can’t watch him kiss and hug another woman, buy her odd but sentimental gifts, or even open the bloody car door for someone else. She can’t watch him be in love with anyone else while her heart still craves him.

So she pulls away, just slightly so he doesn’t notice. Her plan is working beautifully since Jacob is enamored with Yvanne. It simply looks as if she wants him to spend more time with his girlfriend. Well, it was working beautifully until Jacob drops an absolute bomb on her during one of their coffee dates.

“You’re going to do what!?!?! “ she screeches in the corner booth, causing too many eyes to look their way.

“Woah calm down. Look I’m going off to shoot the movie and want Yvanne to know I’m serious; that I’m in this for the long haul, for forever.”

“I think there are other ways to show you’re serious than marrying her. For fucks sake J you all haven’t been together a whole year yet!” YN fumes.

“It’ll be a longish engagement, and honestly I thought you’d be happier for me. You’re my best friend in the whole world, I haven’t even told my mum this yet.” He replies diffendently.

Now YN sees it, she sees him slipping away. It’s clear that as always, Jacob has made up his mind and in turn has decided both of their fates for them.

“You’re right, it just caught me by suprise. I’m so happy for you”

“Really”

“Of course, J, you know I just want you to be happy, you’re my best friend.” YN rewards him with a suffering smile.

For three weeks after the news YN goes completely ghost. Every call and text Jacob attempts to make goes unanswered, but she can’t do it. She can’t watch this happen or pretend to be okay, even when she thought she could. Jacob stops by her apartment at the end of week three to check on her since she’d clearly been avoiding him. But when he reaches under the ficus pot outside her apartment door he realizes it’s gone. YN had taken the key and moved it. This officially sends Jacob into a rage because that key was reserved for him, now he’s banging on her door yelling for her to “Let me in because I know you’re in there!”

A puffy-eyed YN opens the door just as Jacob raises his fist again. She’s been crying, she can’t stop, not since the day she left that cafe. “Hey J, what’s going on?”

“You’ve been ignoring me!” he says stepping into her apartment, which is shockingly a mess. She’s always been a bit of a neat freak, cleaning up everyone’s mess all the time. “You’ve been ignoring me, and you’ve been crying.”

“Oh. I’m fin—“

“Please don’t do that shit with me. The pretending, because I know you better than anyone in this world so come off it!”

For some reason this pisses YN off to a degree she’s never known before.

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, Jacob Scipio! How dare you come banging on MY door expecting anything from me, you, you selfish bastard!”

Eyebrows raised in shock Jacob uses his silence as a reply.

With tears starting to roll down her face YN cries, “ I have spent years following behind you, trying to make sure nothing ever inconveniences you. Making sure that Jacob is happy, that he’s in perfect health, that he’s got his lines down packed, and not because I wanted something in return but because I cared for you. Hell, I loved you Jacob. Then you expect me to jump for joy when you want to propose to a girl you’ve known for 9 months! So, no Jacob, you don’t know me!”

“YN, I’m so—“

“Please don’t apologize, just leave, I want to be alone.”

His head hung low Jacob turns to walk back out of her apartment. “Umm, I wanted to give you this. I hope you can make it.” he says sitting an envelope on her coffee table. When Jacob walks out that door YN expects to never see her best friend again and she crumbles to the floor letting the tears wrack through her body.

1 ½ year later —

Jacob would like to say that he couldn’t be happier. At the premier of one of the biggest movies of his life, he should be overjoyed. And don’t get him wrong, he's extremely happy and grateful. He’s a trending topic, he has his amazing cast mates, and his extremely supportive family here with him. But the one person he’s hoped to see is nowhere to be found.

When he’d left that save the date on her coffee table a year and a half ago he knew that wouldn’t solve whatever issues they had, so he had his mother send her an official invitation through the mail three months ago. Even though YN wanted nothing to do with Jacob, their lives couldn’t help but to be intertwined, they’d known each other for over half their lives.

This separation had been hell for him, as he knew it would be as soon as he left her apartment that day. He cut things off with Yvanne two days later, unable to proceed with the engagement. He spent the rest of the time thinking about how right YN was, he was a selfish bastard. Almost her whole life has been spent accommodating him and so he vowed that if he ever got the chance he would do right by his best friend.

But he couldn’t do that because for the past 550 days he hasn’t so much as heard her voice let alone seen her, and while he hopes she would show up tonight for his premiere, he also knows that it’s a long shot; a consequence of hurting the people who love you.

Jacob takes one last look as he walks into the already packed theater. Sitting next to his mom Jacob relaxes into his seat and just before the lights go down he hears a breathless “Sorry I’m late, this LA traffic is awful!”

There she is, on day 551, the only person he cared to see, his very reason for being and she sits next to him filling his lungs with fresh air and her jasmine scented perfume. “You came.”

“Well of course, I couldn’t miss you on the big screen. Plus both of our mothers threatened me.” YN says with a bright smile.

She’s different, they both are, and they can only hope that fate hasn’t given up on them yet.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

thanks again for letting me write this for you, i had so much fun!

IDK, I’m kinda feeling a part 2 in my spirit, so lmk if that something y’all would be interested in!

also thanks for all the love on my other posts, i’m still taking requests so let them free!!!

#bad boys ride or die #jacob scipio #armando aretas #jacob scipio fic #jacob scipio x reader #jacob scipio imagine #armando aretas imagine #armando aretas x reader #bff!jacob scipio #light angst #jacob scipio smut #jacob scipio angst

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technologyculturedneo · 8 months ago

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THE DREAM ESCAPE Masterlist.

The Dreamer (P) 'a plot for those who seek to find…a way to leave their world behind. '

"One choice can transform you. What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous."

Synopsis. Sets of ruling oneshot longshots taken from each members perspective and observed through the lenses of the reader as Y/n.

Genre. Angst. Dark romance. Mind programming.

Dream()scape. Jeno is deposited in a community of boys after his memory is erased. He finds himself not only drawn but also attracted to you and he doesn't know why. Soon learning they are all trapped in a maze that nobody wants to escape- he joins forces with you in order to escape. Read here

The smoothies. You find yourself immersed in an all type killing game, whereby your every move starts to become manipulated by your will to live. Within the game you're most cautious of who to trust. It doesn't help that this may be your last time to live and... to fall in love . Read here

Box. The community you live in is a perfect dystopia with citizens not given any freedom or choice. Without choice, the Neorists Elders of society believe they can prevent negative elements, such as war. You're assigned to the Dreamer Na Jaemin with the aim of being the next Dreamer. However when presented with freedom, choices and a world of wonder, you begin to fall into the unknown of a word known as 'love'. Read here

Carat cake. Broken, damaged and scarred from all his 'lies', Renjun comes to seek help at a therapy session with you. The session leaves you puzzled and confused as you begin to think of Renjun's lies are actually truths. Are you his 'lost' 'forgetten' lover? Your relationship with Jeno gets rocky the more you think of Renjun. Read here.

icantfeelanything. Your whole world comes to an end when your knocked over by a car and are proclaimed dead. Yet you wake up in a different space, your boyfriend, Donghyuck’s mind. You are met with a furious ‘Memory Keeper’ Mr Zhong who tries to force you out. You’re reluctant to leave simply because he wants Donghyuck to move on from losing you. However, that is something you refuse to do as long as you're in his mind. Read here

Breathing. In 2035 a technophobic cop Haechan investigates a crime that may have been perpetrated by a robot, MARK 1.0 XTJE which leads to a larger threat to humanity. As you're in charge of the robot your prey instinctively on the cop making sure he doesn't hurt MARK 1.0 XTJE the robot. However MARK 1.0 XTJE the robot has 'strategies' Whereby he keeps you all to himself. Read here

Unknown. An elite unit of fierce police officers and the states most successful bank robbery crew clash– as the outlaws plan a seemingly impossible heist on a national reserved bank; neo technology cultured bank. The only problem is that Jisung works at the bank and has taken a liking to you. But your boyfriend is the leader of that successful robbery crew. Read here

--------------------------------------------

STATUS BAR: 5/7 (Half way)

Not the album being an unbothered absolute piece of pleasure 💅🏼

Stories inspired by: Maze Runner, The Giver, Battle Royal, The Mask, Baby.

#nct dream dream escape #nct dream #nct dream masterlist #masterlist nct dream #nct dream haed hours #nct dream imagine #haechan x reader #donghyuck x reader #nct mark x Reader #jeno x Reader #Jaemin x reader #chenele x reader #Jisung x reader #kpop alternative universe #dream ()scape #nct dream angst #nct dream romance #nct dream smut

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gottalovetumbler · 24 days ago

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𝓓𝓪𝔂 2

𝓓𝓪𝔂 3

ᵏʳᵘᵉᵍᵉʳ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

Info: fem!reader, lots of cussing/complaining,

𝙵𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎!! 𝙸𝚖𝚖𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 😅

——— 2nd encounter ———

The most painful experience you ever encountered had to be when you broke your tailbone in 7th grade. The runner up though, that had to be whatever the hell happened last night.

Waking up was filled with groans of pain. Your finger was still sore, not throbbing anymore luckily, but it did end up bruising pretty badly. Your nose also had a slight pain to it when you scrunched it. So as long as you avoided moving your nose and middle finger you’ll be a-ok. (I imagine the injured finger on the left hand but if you left handed then it’ll be on your right hand. Main point is that it’s not on your dominant hand!)

After finishing your morning routine, peeing, you double check your calendar and sure enough, yard duty. Whoop-whoop :|. It would have already been a struggle without your injury so it’ll be almost impossible with it but you’ll figure something out so you don’t get yelled at.

It’s only about 9 am when you finally get your ass out to the “yard” The “yard” being all the grass and ground on the base. Yard duty typically consists of weed pulling, leave raking, etc, anything to make the place look presentable. All the leaves have already fallen and been raked up seeing as autumn started about a month ago. And the weeds are long gone/dead due to the freeze earlier in the week so you weren’t quite sure what to do. Walking around you take note of all the spring/summer supplies still laying out. That’s what leads to your decision on what you’d fill your time doing, clean up. Hopefully with it being a simpler task your finger will be left alone to heal. Oh how wrong you were.

It’s been a good 4 hours full of struggle and tears. You were doing ok till you tried to roll up what you thought was just one hose but ended up being five knotted together. Frustration caused angry to bubble and tears to prick, the catalyst though, was something straight from a cartoon. Some genius decided to leave a black rake lying on the ground behind the shed hidden by its shadow. As you lugged the 5 hoses to their hooks you failed to notice said rake and stepped on it causing it to snap up and smack you in your already hurting nose.

With a gasp you drop the hoses and cup your nose, tears flowing freely now. An ‘ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!’ is followed by said rake being flung across the small section of grass the tool shed sat on. Defeated, tired, and still embarrassed over last night you just crouch into a ball and wait for the pain to subside. What’s probably only 30 seconds feels like 30minutes as you just huddle there feeling sorry for yourself.

Your pity party is interrupted by a dull thud that belongs to the rake, you just lobbed, being set against the shed. Teary eyed you look to the person who set it there, just to be met with what seems to be a masked man.

‘Who are you?’

‘ꪻꫝꫀ ꪑꪖꪀ ꪗꪮꪊ ꪖꪶꪑꪮᦓꪻ ꫝﺃꪻ ᭙ﺃꪻꫝ ꪖ ᥅ꪖᛕꫀ.’

Yours eyes dart to the side before landing back where you assume his are.

‘.…….what?’

‘ꪗꪮꪊ ꪖꪶꪑꪮᦓꪻ ꫝﺃꪻ ꪑꫀ ᭙ﺃꪻꫝ ꪖ ᥅ꪖᛕꫀ.’

Your heart speeds up as you realize you can’t understand a word he’s saying. He has some sort of accent you’ve never heard before and the sheet of mesh infront of his face makes it impossible to even attempt to understand what he’s saying. Several minutes pass while you just stare at each other. You’re looking at him with growing horror and confusion as you try to think of what he could be asking you. He’s watching you, no, he’s studying you. He watches how you rub your nose delicately while trying to hold eye contact with him but failing due to his face covering.

‘ᦔꪮ ꪗꪮꪊ ᭙ꪖꪀꪻ ᦓꪮꪑꫀ ꫝꫀꪶᜣ ᭙ﺃꪻꫝ,’ he gestures to the hoses splayed around you, ‘ᜣꪊꪻꪻﺃꪀᧁ ꪻꫝꫀᦓꫀ away?’

‘Oh yea sorry!,’ jumping to your feet you begin shoving them back into your arms, ‘I’ll get them cleaned up right away, sorry!’

Figuring you misheard him, he tries again. ‘No,’ you freeze and look at him, atleast you understand that, ‘I’ll ꫝꫀꪶᜣ ꪗꪮꪊ put them away, ꪮᛕꪖꪗ?’

‘Oh ok,’ you place them ones in your arms back down, ‘if you insist.’ Before he can reply you walk away, confused why a masked man demanded he do the work but you aren’t going to question someone wanting to do your job.

And that’s how you unknowingly left a man convicted of murder to finish your yard work.

——— Fin. ———

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alucarddaily · 9 months ago

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The Top 10 Castlevania Games—as voted by fans

1. Symphony of the Night 2. Aria of Sorrow 3. Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse 4. Dead Cells: Return to Castlevania 5. Order of Ecclesia 6. Castlevania 1986 7. Lament of Innocence 8. Harmony of Despair 9. Dawn of Sorrow 10. Curse of Darkness

RUNNER-UPS

Portrait of Ruin

Lords of Shadow

Harmony of Dissonance

The Dracula X Chronicles

#castlevania #alucard #alucard castlevania #adrian fahrenheit tepes #adrian tepes #richter belmont #soma cruz #leon belmont #hector castlevania #shanoa #dracula #dracula castlevania

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thebennsofdallas · 25 days ago

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A Nandermo rant -Season 6 version

I'm not sure what they (the show runners and writers) are doing with these two. Nandor and Guillermo have been building steadily toward a romance for over 15 years (technically 5 seasons). But to quote various cast members, the ending will be “bittersweet". More about that later.

For me, Season 5 was Nandermo, all the way. A two alarm fire (only two alarm because they would have to kiss to get more alarms from me). Nandor “remembers” Guillermo’s birthday and takes him to dinner. He notices Guillermo spending time with Laszlo and is hurt and jealous. He goes to outer space in an attempt to impress Guillermo. He tries to make Guillermo jealous by spending time with a new friend. When he thinks Guillermo is dead, he sobs his heart out. He remembers the card that Guillermo sent him 14 YEARS AGO, word for word. And once again, even though he is devastated by Guillermo’s betrayal, Nandor goes against vampiric law to save Guillermo’s life.

If the show had ended at Season 5, I would have been happy. As far as I’m concerned, I got Nandermo — maybe not the Nandermo of my dreams but it was close enough.

So if the show runners wanted to depict a deep, platonic love between Nandor and Guillermo, they have royally fucked it up. This ain’t it. If they wanted to tease us into thinking this great love is never going to be consummated, it’s a big swing and a miss.

As to bittersweet? What would that look like for these two? Here are a few ways in which the ending, for Nandor and Guillermo, might be bittersweet:

Guillermo comes to terms with his brief time as a vampire and decides he really did make the right decision. For the rest of his life, he’ll have his human family and his vampire family

Nandor comes to terms with Guillermo’s decision to remain a human and knows that he will lose him one day but they will make the most of the time they have left

Guillermo makes a go of Cannon Capital and earns enough money to finance a relatively normal life. He moves out for real but stays in contact with the vampires

Nandor finds a mate that isn’t Guillermo (that's not really bittersweet but out and out evil)

Together, Nandor and Guillermo have an honest discussion and decide that it would never work for them and they part friends

There are more, I’m sure, but I’m worked up now. For me, the first two are the only two outcomes I could even remotely accept and not organize a riot in front of Paul Simms’ house.

If Nandermo is not going to happen, if TPTB have fucked us over for over 5 years and made us believe that, on the show where NO ONE is straight, that these two men are going to end up pals, then so be it. It won’t be the last time I’ve loved a show that screwed me over like that and it probably won’t be the last. I’ve been through this before.

But Nandor marrying someone else out of this vampire group? No. Guillermo and Nandor say goodbye and part ways forever? Hell, no. Either of those outcomes would mean that I wasted a lot of my time loving this show and investing in these characters. And that would be a shame.

#Nandermo #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits final season #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #why do I always fall in love with the wrong people

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theladyofbloodshed · 3 months ago

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@nerisweek - Day 5 - Modern AU

The autumn began to encroach on her morning runs. Darkness nibbled at them, taking more for itself each day, so soon she’d have to stop. Not that she was particularly sad about that fact.

Nesta was not a natural runner. She was not one of those absolute weirdos who saw running as therapy or enjoyable. She was simply stubborn enough to force herself into it when her gym hiked the prices to an obscene amount that she refused to pay.

Her usual trail was a quiet dirt path that skirted the edge of a forest with no other life to be found. If her friends knew that she took it in near darkness, they’d kill her. If they knew she jogged with headphones in, blocking out every single sound, they’d kill her twice.

When she reached her mark – a boulder with moss that resembled hair – she knew to turn around. Nesta took a rest on the usual log, inhaling deeply. People who found joy in running were unwell. There was nothing enjoyable about sweaty sports bras or shin splints.

Just as she aimed to rise, a pair of yellow eyes were looking back at her.

She staggered, tripped on the log then ended up arse over elbow. Her back screamed in protest but that was the least of her worries. A massive, black head pushed its muzzle against her face, hot tongue covering her neck while Nesta’s hands got lost in its mass of fur, trying to push it away.

‘Get the hell off of me!’

The dog reared back then sat patiently awaiting her next command. It was more wolf than dog, with thick, black and tan fur, and horrible eyes that never left her face.

There was a collar at least although Nesta couldn’t understand why anybody in their right mind would want a dog, much less this one. They were horrid things that left fur upon every surface and smelt. Nesta shuddered inwardly at the sound of her mother’s voice repeating in her head.

‘Find your owner. Shoo.’

The dog remained staring and panting. Gingerly, Nesta reached for its tag.

‘The goddess of chaos and strife is your owner?’ Nesta gave a sigh as she scanned the forest. ‘Is she dead in a ditch? Go and find her. Go Lassie.’

When he showed no signs of leaving, Nesta had a quick scan of the area – then he did follow her. Each time she stopped, so did the dog. Nesta called the owner four times and the cell remained switched off.

‘Maybe Eris didn’t want you. Shame,’ she said to the dog. ‘Your name isn’t Eris, is it? Eris Vanserra is a strange name for a dog, but my friend, Emerie, has a snake called Sweetcorn, so what is normal?’

At the car, the dog waited expectantly.

‘Oh, no. You’re an animal. Enjoy the wilderness. Run free, Eris.’

They were far out from anywhere except a farm. Against her better judgement, Nesta allowed him into the trunk. The damn beast leapt over the backseats and sat shotgun.

‘You don’t look like an Eris,’ she said, taking the driver’s seat.

Nesta fired off names. Boris, Lucky, Drainpipe, and Jacob Black had no effect whatsoever but Hellhound did make his ears prick.

‘Hellhound it is, my furry friend.’

The farmer reported no lost dogs and suggested a shelter, but he was a scary looking dog and they never fared well. Somebody loved him. Eris Vanserra loved him enough to put a metal tag shaped like a bone on his collar.

‘Who names their daughter Eris and why the hell won’t she answer the phone?’

It had started ringing once or twice as she drove them home, but Eris quickly refused the call.

‘Your owner is very rude, Hellhound.’ Nesta supposed she could keep the dog in her apartment for a few hours. She was working from home besides so she’d be able to keep an eye if he started chewing things. The dog drank deeply from a mixing bowl, clearly thirsty from his days spent roaming the forest. Nesta rushed down to the convenience store to grab a few tins of food, but once she set one down on a plate, Hellhound didn’t move.

‘You cannot be a fussy eater.’

The dog sat upright, but every now and then he gave a whine or shuffled on the spot.

‘Eat?’

Hellhound dived in, demolishing the tin in seconds.

When she sat at her desk to begin work, Hellhound curled up beside her feet and slipped into a heavy sleep. The snoring was irritating, but the warmth of his body next to hers was welcome.

Her phone buzzed.

‘I am in back-to-back meetings. Stop calling. I don’t want what you’re selling.’

Nesta read the text again, frowning at the words. Her fingers flew over the keys.

‘I have your dog,’ she wrote.

When no reply came, Nesta continued with her work. They took two trips outside for the bathroom – Hellhound, not her – then she decided to take him to visit her friends. Gwyn loved animals and Nesta was sure that Emerie wouldn’t mind having the dog until Eris Vanserra deigned her dog important enough to respond.

Once they started their walk, Nesta soon realised that Hellhound lived up to his moniker. She had said the word no more times than she could count, but – to his credit – the dog did listen to her. He stopped his barking and pulling, only letting out the occasional low growl which she quelled quickly. People kept a wide berth from them – which she found that she liked a lot. However, at the sight of Em and Gwyn, Hellhound went berserk again.

‘What’s wrong with that dog?’

Emerie refused to leave the step and Nesta didn’t blame her.

‘I don’t know. He was fine with me. He just hates everybody else.’

‘Has he got rabies?’

Nesta looked for froth around his mouth. ‘He better not,’ she replied. ‘Hellhound, enough.’ He stopped. ‘Sit.’ He sat.

Oh, she liked this.

Her phone vibrated in her back pocket.

‘Excuse me?’

Nesta snapped a photo of Hellhound staring at Emerie with murder in his eyes.

Another text, ‘Is this a ransom?’

This Eris was not the sharpest tool. She gave a light tug on Hellhound’s lead. ‘I’ll take him home. Maybe he’s missing his owner.’

‘I don’t think you should let him in your house,’ called Gwyn from the upstairs window. ‘He’s not safe.’

To show them wrong, Nesta went nose to nose with the dog. He wagged his tail and tried to lick her, but that was all. She shrugged. The dog hadn’t been a problem for her. He just seemed to hate everybody else and looked like he wanted to eat them – but Nesta could cope with that. Mostly, he was at her heels like a lost sheep.

Hellhound was a good boy. He didn’t chew the furniture, didn’t cause chaos, just simply jumped onto the couch beside her then lay across her lap. Perhaps he was slightly too big to be a lap dog, but Nesta found that she didn’t mind.

When her phone rang as they were getting ready for bed, Nesta exclaimed, ‘It’s your mama! Finally.’

But it was not a woman’s voice. The voice was deep and smooth as he said a greeting.

‘What I’d like to understand is how my dog is in your possession,’ he said.

A thank you would have been nice, she thought.

‘He was in the woods past Sunny Skies farm. The one with the sign that has a cow with three legs. Anyway. He seemed thirsty and followed me-’

This Eris interrupted her. ‘My useless brother was meant to feed and walk him while I’m away. Three days ago, he got out. What I meant is, how do you have him in your house?’

Nesta rubbed the dog’s belly which received a grateful wag of his tail. ‘Well, I have a magic device called a car. A few thousand years ago, the wheel was invented and-’

‘He doesn’t go to anybody.’

If this man interrupted her one more time…

‘My brother was terrified of Erebus-’

‘Erebus? You named your dog after darkness? And you are named after chaos?’

She imagined a stiff-lipped man wincing at her tone.

‘How do you know that?’

History that was thousands of years old wasn’t a secret, she thought, but Nesta replied, ‘I work in a library.’

Eris was silent for a long while, so Nesta pinned the phone to her ear with her shoulder and started drawing the curtains while Hellhound made himself comfy. She joined him in the bed.

‘Erebus has been fine with you?’ He asked. ‘He isn’t particularly friendly. He doesn’t like anybody except for me.’

‘Well, he’s currently laying beside me in my bed with his head resting onto my stomach.’

‘That’s odd.’

‘It’s your dog.’

He sucked in a long breath. ‘Look, I’m at this conference for another few days. Can you keep him until then?’

‘Why shouldn’t I just take him to the pound?’

‘As soon as he growls, they’ll have him killed. Please. I can pay you for any expenses – and extra. I’ve had him since he was a puppy. Please. You’ll be paid handsomely.’

The money didn’t matter. This big, ball of fluff that was worming his way into her bed, and her heart, did though. She knew he wouldn’t last long in a shelter.

‘Fine. Three days only.’

‘You are an angel. Thank you.’

In the days that followed, Hellhound was not an issue.

The dog accompanied Nesta on her morning runs and she’d bought a tennis ball to throw so he’d race ahead and return. He dropped the tennis ball into her outstretched hand without a fuss; he never held onto the ball, never growled, just wagged his tail waiting for the next throw. In the days, he’d be beside her while she worked. They went to the library so she could scan in new letters to archive at home and he did his best not to growl once she’d warned him off of it. They took walks in the evening when it was quiet and Hellhound padded along beside her. People kept their distance and Nesta had never felt safer walking through the city. At night, Hellhound had stolen the empty space in her bed – but it wasn’t as if anybody else was occupying it.

No, Hellhound was not a problem. He was an angel.

Eris Vanserra was the problem.

Eris Vanserra was a pain in the backside. She needed paying for dealing with him. Apparently, Hellhound needed a very specific blend of food which was specially made for him. Eris had debated giving Nesta the location of his spare key then decided she couldn’t be trusted as his guard dog was seemingly enamoured by her. In the end, he sent Nesta scarpering across the city to ensure the dog ate a specific – and ridiculously expensive – brand. It would have been cheaper to feed the dog steak. There was only one type of brush that was good enough for his fur. He was not allowed tennis balls or rope toys and definitely no squeaky toys.

As Eris laid out his rules to her, Nesta looked down at Hellhound who was surrounded by carcasses of plush toys that he’d ripped open to get the squeaker out.

‘We won’t tell dad,’ she whispered.

Apparently, he was meant to be a guard dog and they weren’t allowed to play. She’d disregard most of his mile long list of rules and regulations.

‘It is two nights,’ Nesta lamented to Eris on the phone during one of his frequent phone calls. They came often – as soon as he had a break in meetings and schmoozing. Texts were more frequent. She felt like Hellhound’s personal assistant.

‘Yes, well you are being paid and your expenses will be covered, as I have already told you.’

‘Tell you what, don’t pay me then I can do what I want with Hellhound.’

That earned a chuckle, ‘Erebus.’

Nesta knew what sort of man she was dealing with. He probably had an ex-wife and a handful of kids so this was his midlife crisis now he was experiencing single life once more. Hellhound would make him look fearsome. He was likely used to ordering people around but Nesta dug her heels in.

‘While he’s at Hotel Archeron, Hellhound is allowed as many tennis balls as he likes. The food, fine. But I am not buying fancy shampoo from the other side of the city. He can cope without a bath for a few days.’ Before Eris could cut in with his line about expenses, Nesta continued, ‘Don’t like it? Your brother collects him or he goes to a shelter.’

They both knew it wasn’t an option. Hellhound reacted to everybody else the way he did with Gwyn and Emerie.

‘You sound like a woman who knows what she wants.’

‘Yes, for strange men to stop micromanaging me.’

‘Micromanaging?’ he said on a laugh.

‘You asked for proof of the number on the scale because you didn’t believe I can accurately weigh his food.’

He countered, ‘I care a lot.’

‘Hellhound ate cat shit this morning. Should I have weighed that too, Eris?’

Another deep laugh then, ‘It’s getting late here. I’m delivering the speech in the morning.’

‘Is it about the preferred brand of conditioner for German Shepherds?’

‘He’s a Czechoslovakian Shepherd.’

Nesta gasped theatrically. ‘You’ve only told me that eighteen times.’

‘And still you forget.’

It was enjoyable in a way to annoy him. He made a little intake of breath then a sigh each time as if he wasn’t accustomed to such a thing.

‘I’ll come straight from the airport tomorrow – if that’s okay?’

‘No problem.’

‘Are you in bed too? Can you send me a photo?’

Before Nesta could tell Eris where to go, he amended, ‘Erebus. A photo of Erebus. Not you.’

Those final two words were barked out a little roughly.

When Nesta hung up the phone, she snapped a picture of Hellhound tucked up beside her with the blankets around his jaw. She had never invited a man to her home and it had been a long time since she’d shared a bed with a man although Nesta never stayed the night with them. With Hellhound here, it had been nice to talk to somebody. There was comfort in cosying up together. His tail would wag at her at the first signs of movement before attempting to smother her face with kisses. She would miss her furry friend.

The only respite from the stream of messages was when Eris was flying. It also meant that the time to say goodbye to Hellhound was drawing close – oddly, Nesta was aggrieved about that. The company had been welcomed despite her initial misgivings about allowing a dog into the house. The fur was manageable even if he shed like mad.

‘Shall we run away?’

Hellhound gave a long sigh in response.

‘I’ll take that as a yes,’ she said, flopping down beside him on the rug.

Their noses touched and she could see her reflection in his eyes.

‘Don’t you dare lick me.’

When the knock at the door came, Hellhound leapt up. His barks echoed through the empty apartment until Nesta told him to stop and sit. He obeyed her command although he jiggled on the spot like he wanted to continue throwing himself at the front door.

As she opened it, Hellhound started to move.

Her command of, ‘Stay,’ was reinforced by another voice saying, ‘Wait.’

Nesta was not in the habit of inviting men into her home. The few workers that had come to install her washing machine or fix the leaky tap had been watched like a hawk and not offered coffee, due to wounds from the past, but at the sight of Eris Vanserra standing in the doorway, Nesta could feel her morals making a hasty exit.

‘You’re Nesta?’

From that tone, she didn’t know what Eris had been expecting. She certainly had not been expecting a very tall man with big, brown eyes who looked like he went running three times a day. A bunch of flowers – sunflowers – were in his hands and he held a bag with an airport’s name branded across it in his other. Her eyes tried not to stray to the light grey sweatpants he wore.

‘No, I’m somebody else who has your dog,’ Nesta replied, trying not to gape. Not a middle-aged man having a crisis at all.

‘These are for you,’ he said, gesturing to the bouquet of flowers. ‘Sorry, there wasn’t a lot of choice. And,’ he held out the bag, ‘duty free chocolate.’

‘You know how to spoil a woman,’ she said, then grimaced inwardly. Why had she said that? Was a subconscious part of her trying to flirt?

Eris squatted down. ‘Here.’

Hellhound raced at him, tail thrashing from side to side, as he leapt. Eris hauled him up, bouncing him like a baby. Even Nesta found herself smiling at their reunion.

They entered her apartment to discuss payment and Nesta tried to hide her great satisfaction when Hellhound jumped up beside her and practically sat in her lap rather than going to Eris. He didn’t miss it either.

‘It’s because I don’t let him on the couch. You’ve spoilt Erebus.’

Nesta rolled her eyes.

‘I can’t believe you let him in your bed either,’ continued Eris.

‘Well, nobody else is joining me.’

The words shot out before she could trap them away. Eris smirked at her and added, ‘That’s good to hear.’

Was he flirting in return?

There was no ring on his finger but he was too handsome to be single, she decided. Eris leaned over to pass her a wad of money. Too much money.

‘This is ridiculous,’ she exclaimed.

‘Honestly, when Lucien called to say he’d got out, I thought he was gone. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but Erebus is a reactive dog.’

‘I’ve noticed.’

Eris nodded. ‘He’s an angel with me, but – I don’t know. He hates everybody. I had visions of him getting shot or attacking someone. I’m just grateful that he’s still alive. I’d give you every cent in my bank if I could.’ He watched them both, eyes softening. ‘Why does he like you?’

‘Because I’m a nice person,’ she said. ‘I hate dogs. Well, I did until a few days ago. I don’t know. This one is fine.’

‘A glowing review.’

‘It’s the owner who has driven me insane. You’re like a new mother leaving her baby alone for the first time.’

Eris did not deny it, just held up his hands to plead guilty.

‘Just give me enough to cover the food. Don’t worry about the rest,’ she said, pushing the money back across the coffee table. ‘It’s been nice to have Hellhound here.’

‘Erebus.’

‘Eris.’

Long fingers dragged through his short, auburn hair. ‘I’ll be needing to go on a few more work trips over the next couple of months. If it is not too painful for you, would you consider dogsitting?’

Nesta pretended to mull it over. ‘It would mean I’d need to continue talking to you. I’m not sure if any amount of money is worth that.’

Eris placed a hand over his heart, feigning a wound. ‘At least you can see how deeply I care.’

‘I can,’ she said, running her fingers down Hellhound’s coat. ‘It can be his holiday home where he gets to play with tennis balls and sleep on the bed.’

Eris’ gaze lit her aflame. It was too perceptive as it traced every curve of her face. ‘What if I wanted to see you without the dog?’

The butterflies in her stomach gave a little flutter.

‘He literally hasn’t let anybody near me in six years,’ Eris murmured. ‘I’d be a fool if I didn’t follow the path that fate laid out for me. Will you go on a date with me?’

Nesta saw the hope in his eyes, found that she wanted it to grow. ‘Yes.’

#neris #neris week 2024

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