#daydream-247

[nordleuchten]

Ah, Tumblr. Why would they hide my question from you🥲? Here is the rather long question that I wanted to ask.

I've been wondering about Lafayette's interactions with his in-laws—not the Noailles, but his children's. What did he think about his sons-in-law? Did they get along? How did the marriages take place, or anything related to them?

I'm currently in the very long process of writing a novel about Adrienne, now entering the French Revolution, still having a long way to go before any of the Lafayette kids get married. But my God, the French Revolution is stressful as hell to write☹️. I just want my girl to get some rest… And so, I guess I just want to skip ahead to the lighthearted part. While Adrienne’s thoughts and interactions are pretty much all in Virginie’s book, and maybe some in her sister’s memoirs, Mister Lafayette’s is a bit confusing for me because he has so much information from all different sources. (Which brings me to my next question: What book do you recommend for referencing information about Gilbert? It’s too stressful to always go from one source to another for him.😭)

The information on this blog has been immensely helpful! I would have been lost as to where to find the sources that I needed. hope you have a good day, and hold on to your historical passion! 👍☺️

Dear @daydream-247,

first of all, that sounds like a very interesting project! When you come around to publishing something, I would absolutely love to read it! And thank you for your kind word, it is always nice to hear that other people can take something away from what I post and are not annoyed by me. :-)

As to the partners of his children, La Fayette had a very good relationship with all of them. I am actually quite happy that you asked about that part of the family, since this topic is quite dear to my heart. I think there is not enough talk about that – as it is with so many things in La Fayette’s life that have nothing to do with Revolutions and America. The La Fayette’s and their family and friends were so tight nit, so intimate and loving. La Fayette – and also Adrienne, while she was still alive, loved being grand-parents and in La Fayette’s case later great-grandparents. While their children were able to go their own ways in live, they and their families always remained very close to their parents. The children’s marriages were happy ones – not without personal tragedy of course, but they all weathered the challenges thrown at them. To the best of my knowledge, there were no affairs, mistresses, and betrayals in that generation.

But enough of me being fascinated by family dynamics, lets us get to your question! La Fayette wrote on December 1, 1802 to James Madison:

I Live in an Agreable place, About forty Miles from paris. My Children are With me. Georges Has Married the daughter of Tracy whom Mr. Jefferson Has known in the Constituent Assembly and Who is One of His Warmest Admirers. My Elder daughter is the Wife of Charles La tour Maubourg the Youngest Brother of My Olmutz Companion and Has two Lovely Little Girls. My daughter in Law is Within a few Months to Encrease Our family. Georges is Now at turin Where the 11th Rgt of Huzzards Has its Quarters. Virginia, My Younger daughter, will, I think, Be Married Before Long.

“To James Madison from Lafayette, 1 December 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Madison/02-04-02-0176. [Original source: The Papers of James Madison, Secretary of State Series, vol. 4, 8 October 1802 – 15 May 1803, ed. Mary A. Hackett, J. C. A. Stagg, Jeanne Kerr Cross, Susan Holbrook Perdue, and Ellen J. Barber. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 166–170.] (01/25/2024)

La Fayette was right concerning Virginie. She married on April 20, 1803. She would probably have married sooner, but La Fayette slipped on the icy pavement that winter and broke his femur close to the hip bone – an injury that is no laughing matter, neither in the 21st nor in the early 19th century. The wedding was postponed, giving La Fayette time to recover.

Let us now have a closer look at the marriages and resulting families of each of Adrienne’s and La Fayette’s children. Anastasie, their oldest surviving child, was the first one to marry. She married Juste-Charles de Faÿ de la Tour-Maubourg. Charles was the younger brother of Marie-Charles-César de Faÿ, comte de la Tour-Maubourg. César was one of La Fayette’s dearest friends. Do you remember this heartbreaking letter La Fayette wrote after Adrienne’s death? That letter was addressed to César, and I have never again seen La Fayette lay his soul and emotions so open – not even in front of Washington.

Charles was for a very, very short time imprisoned as well but quickly freed. After all the prisoners of Olmütz were set free, they settled at Wittmold and were reunited with their respected families. It was there that Anastasie met – or at least fell in love with, Charles. They were married on Mai 8, 1798 in the private chapel in Wittmold by the Abbé Luchet (and oh this blasted certificate of marriage! One day, one day …) They soon started their own family, and it was here that tragedy struck. While both of their twin daughters survived the birth, one died only a few weeks later. Sadly, the little girl is often forgotten and not at all mentioned when La Fayette’s grandchildren are discussed. I will not say much about the grandchildren here in general because firstly, this post would get even longer than it already is (I am so sorry!) and secondly, I have a post in the making going through all of the grandchildren and possible some great-grandchildren – including the ones that died young or were stillborn/miscarried. I feel they should not be left out. Anastasie lost at least two, if not more children and Georges lost at least one daughter. So, different topic for a different post if you do not mind.

What is interesting about Anastasie’s marriage – especially her Noailles relatives appeared to be less than enthusiastic about the match. Anastasie’s aunt, the Marquise de Montague wrote in her own memoirs:

Frau von La Fayette fand die Parthie nicht allein sehr angemessen, sondern auch wie man damals das Recht hatte zu hoffen, sehr vortheilhaft. Der General war von ganzem Herzen damit einverstanden. In Witmold aber schrie man laut dagegen, wie nur das Projekt zur Sprache kam. Herr von Mun behauptete nur bei den Wilden Amerika‘s könne man sich so verheirathen, und Frau von Tessé bestand darauf, man hätte seit Adam und Eva nichts Gleiches gesehen. Die Sarkasmen nüßten Nichts, Frau von La Fayette hielt sich fest, und als Alles unwiderruflich entschieden war, sah man, wie sich die Unzufriedenheit der Frau von Tessé in eine zärtliche und liebenswürdige Sorgsamkeit auflöste.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 204.

My translation:

Madame de La Fayette not only thought the match very appropriate, but also, as one had the right to hope at the time, very advantageous. The General was wholeheartedly in favour of it. In Witmold, however, they protested loudly against it as soon as the project was brought up. Mr von Mun [I have no idea who he was] claimed that only among the savages of America one could marry in this way, and Madame de Tessé insisted that nothing like it had been seen since Adam and Eve. The sarcasm was of no avail, Madame La Fayette held her ground, and when everything was irrevocably decided, Mademe de Tessé’s dissatisfaction dissolved into a tender and amiable diligence.

As you see, Adrienne’s and La Fayette’s primary concern was the happiness of their daughter. La Fayette wrote on May 20, 1798 to George Washington:

We Have spent the winter in Holstein, on danish territory, in a Hired Country Seat about Sixty English miles from Hamburgh—My friend Latour Maubourg and His family were with us—we had visits from france and other Countries—(…). Here My eldest daughter Anastasie was Married to Charles Maubourg my friends’ Youngest Brother.

“To George Washington from Lafayette, 20 May 1798,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Washington/06-02-02-0213. [Original source: The Papers of George Washington, Retirement Series, vol. 2, 2 January 1798 – 15 September 1798, ed. W. W. Abbot. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 282–285.] (01/25/2024)

I am honestly not quite sure what the problem here was. Since the Noailles part of the family voiced their criticism, the problem seems to lay primarily with Charles. The critics very much still belonged to the “arranged-marriage-for the advancement-of-the-family” generation and I suppose that was the issue. The marriage was not arranged and both the La Fayette’s and the La Tour-Maubourg’s were “ruined” during the French Revolution. There was not much for both parties to expect – beside a happy marriage based on mutual love and affection.

La Fayette at once started to include his new son-in-law in his letter:

My wife, my daughters, my Son in law Beg the tender Homage of their Affection, Gratitude and Respect to Be presented to you, my dear General, and to Mrs Washington (…)

“To George Washington from Lafayette, 20 May 1798,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Washington/06-02-02-0213. [Original source: The Papers of George Washington, Retirement Series, vol. 2, 2 January 1798 – 15 September 1798, ed. W. W. Abbot. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 282–285.] (01/25/2024)

The next one to marry was Georges. He married Françoise Émilie Destutt de Tracy. Just like with his older sister’s husband, there was already a connection between La Fayette and his new in-laws. Émilie’s father, Antoine Louis Claude Destutt de Tracy, was one of La Fayette’s oldest friends. They became friends prior to the French Revolution and both later served in the Chambre des Deputes and had similar political views, they both opposed Napoléon’s rise to power.

Based on his writings alone, Émilie might have been La Fayette’s favourite. He wrote to Thomas Jefferson on January 20, 1802:

My Son Has Returned to His Regiment in Italy—I Expect Him in the Spring, and probably to Marry a Very Amiable daughter to the Senator tracy Whom You Have known as a patriot Member of the Constituent Assembly

“To Thomas Jefferson from Lafayette, 30 January 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/01-36-02-0305. [Original source: The Papers of Thomas Jefferson, vol. 36, 1 December 1801–3 March 1802, ed. Barbara B. Oberg. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2009, pp. 480–481.] (01/25/2024)

He reported on November 1, 1802, again to Thomas Jefferson:

With me they Now Are Retired into the State of Rural Life Where I am fixed Among the Comforts of An United Loving family—it Has Been, Encreased, as I Did in time inform You, By the Happy Acquisition of an Amiable Daughter in Law (…)

“To Thomas Jefferson from Lafayette, 1 November 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/01-38-02-0551. [Original source: The Papers of Thomas Jefferson, vol. 38, 1 July–12 November 1802, ed. Barbara B. Oberg. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2011, pp. 616–617.] (01/25/2024)

He wrote on August 18, 1800 to his friend Masclet:

My whole family is now collected at this place, where my aunt had been for many years despairing ever to see us. It has been also for me a great satisfaction to present to her my beloved daughter-in-law Emilie Tracy, now the wife of the happy George, and in whom I find every amiable quality my heart could wish for. I intend conducting the young couple back to Auteuil towards the middle of Fructidor, my return there being hastened by the news of the intended journey wherein General Fitzpatrick and Charles Fox are to meet at Paris.

Jules Germain Cloquet, Recollections of the Private Life of General Lafayette, Baldwin and Cradock, London, 1835, p. 110.

Here is what La Fayette wrote about Émilie to Thomas Jefferson on February 21, 1825, right after the death of her mother:

We intend to Come again from Boston to Newyork, Philadelphia, Washington and to pay you a Visit at Monticello Before we Embark By the Middle of August for france Where We Are Recalled, Sooner than We Expected, By the most lamentable death of mde de tracy george’s Mother in law. I Have urged My Son to Return immediately But His generous wife, who is a tender daughter to me, Had on the first moment of the loss, adjured Him not to leave me, and it is a Great Motive for Me to Make as much Haste As We Can With propriety do it.

“To Thomas Jefferson from Marie-Joseph-Paul-Yves-Roch-Gilbert du Motier, marquis de Lafayette, 21 February 1825,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/98-01-02-4986. [This is an Early Access document from The Papers of Thomas Jefferson: Retirement Series. It is not an authoritative final version.] (01/25/2024)

La Fayette wrote much about Émilie and all that he wrote was very positive. What he wrote about his sons-in-law was different – not to say that there was less affection, but it was, at least on paper, expressed differently. Now, why was that? It could be for personal reasons, La Fayette simply “clicked” better with Émilie. It could be because Émilie spend much more time with and around La Fayette than his sons-in-law did. It could be because, by social convention, you would and could write differently about your daughter-in-law then about your sons-in-law. Lastly, and that is just a hunch of mine, Émilie, as a woman, was the one to bear the children. For La Fayette children were definitely in the female domain – not because he necessarily thought that childbirth should be a women’s only purpose but because I think he understood and valued that the birth of a child was the result of a great deal of pain and work on the women’s side and a, while biological important, negatable part on the man’s part. In short, I like to imagine that the thanked and valued Émilie for her hard work in making him a grandfather.

La Fayette addressed and described Émilie as his daughter, he wrote about having “three daughters” (to James Madison, August 28, 1826). While the same sentiment was definitely present in the relationships with his sons-in-law, I think he never put it quite that distinctly to paper. But enough about Émilie, let us move on to the last couple.

As I have already mentioned Virginie married Louis de Lasteyrie du Saillant, Marquis de Lasteyrie on April 20, 1803. I believe that Louis was a nephew of a friend of La Fayette but I would need to check that again. Louis died quite young, aged 46 in 1826 and he was buried on the ground reserved for the La Fayette family on the Picpus Cemetery. He was buried there after Adrienne and before La Fayette.

Things were looking pretty good on the domestic front for La Fayette. Within five years, all of his children were happily married and two of them had already little families of their own. What was probably most important, despite her failing health, Adrienne saw all three of her surviving children marry.

In letters to his friends, particular to Thomas Jefferson, La Fayette never forgot to give updates not only about himself but also about his children and their families. He often asked for them to be remembered to people just like he wanted to be remembered. He gave also updates on the military careers of his sons-in-law. Louis entered the Light Dragoons in 1804, leaving the army as a Colonel. Charles and George often served in closely related positions. They both realized that being attached to La Fayette would make advancement in the army difficult and so both of them left the army eventually. Neither of them seemed to hold any grudges.

That much in “short”. Now, as to books – the unsatisfactory answer is: It depends? Are you looking for a general overview, an overview about a specific topic, a political analyses, a character analysis, something critical, a personal account, something contemporary or something that was written much later, a collection of anecdotes to flesh out La Fayette’s character? There are sources for all of this, but they all serve different purposes.

I hope I could help you out and give you a starting point for your research. A chapter about the love lives of Anastasie, Georges and Virginie could definitely serve as a little cheer-up chapter between the French Revolution and Adrienne’s death – both for the readers and your characters. Happy writing and I hope you have/had a lovely day!

[mins-fins]

NCT LIBRARY [ 💌 ] !

💌 NCT 127 ꜜ

nothing here yet..

💌 JOHNNY SUH

nothing here yet..

💌 LEE TAEYONG

the course of true love — (long fic; work in progress)

💌 NAKAMOTO YUTA

nothing here yet..

💌 KIM DOYOUNG

from little wave — (drabble)

💌 JEONG JAEHYUN

meat grinder — (drabble)

💌 KIM JUNGWOO

nothing here yet..

💌 NCT DREAM ꜜ

nothing here yet..

💌 MARK LEE

darlin' — (drabble) angel eyes — (long fic) self control — (drabble) something — (drabble) this is your day — (drabble) remember summer days — (long fic) the cure — (drabble) pearls — (drabble) 20:20 pm — (timestamp) endless nameless — (smau series) there's nothing left for you — (drabble)

💌 HUANG RENJUN

daydream — (drabble) 247 — (drabble) new years day — (long fic) two slow dancers — (drabble) bygone days — (drabble)

💌 LEE JENO

i killed you — (drabble) âme sœur — (long fic) 23:16 pm — (timestamp) 119 — (drabble) 21:29 pm — (timestamp) operation ἐκλείπω (long fic; work in progress)

💌 LEE DONGHYUCK

something — (drabble) hell in heaven (series; ongoing) bring it back — (drabble) where do we go — (drabble) 02:09 am — (timestamp) 06:10 am — (timestamp) june 20th — (drabble) missa solemnis — (drabble) should've been me — (drabble) boyfriend texts — (smau oneshot) star — (drabble) haunted — (drabble)

💌 NA JAEMIN

hey jane — (drabble) everything is romantic — (drabble) feel like a fool — (drabble) hold me tight — (drabble) sound of rain — (drabble) can't take my eyes off of you — (drabble) junie — (drabble) you have one new voicemail from! — (oneshot) 00:17 am — (timestamp)

💌 ZHONG CHENLE

a day for love — (long fic) audere est facere — (long fic) unapologetically in love — (smau oneshot) you have one new voicemail from! — (oneshot)

💌 PARK JISUNG

buzzfeed unsolved — (smau series; ongoing) orbit of yours — (long fic) sincerely, a lovestruck fool — (long fic; work in progress)

💌 WAYV ꜜ

nothing here yet..

💌 QIAN KUN

heart attack — (drabble)

💌 TEN LEE

boyfriend texts — (smau oneshot) closure — (drabble) parenting chronicles — (long fic; work in progress) not now kitty cat! — (smau; work in progress)

💌 DONG SICHENG

pareidolia — (drabble)

💌 XIAO DEJUN

buttercup — (smau series; work in progress) dal segno — (drabble) all flights are delayed — (long fic) r.i.p 2 my youth! — (long fic; work in progress)

💌 HUANG GUANHENG

dancing swords — (long fic; work in progress) r.i.p 2 my youth! — (long fic; work in progress)

💌 LIU YANGYANG

01:09 am — (timestamp) perfect moment — (smau series; work in progress) space science — (drabble) delicate — (drabble; work in progress) r.i.p 2 my youth! (long fic; work in progress)

💌 NCT WISH ꜜ

nothing here yet..

[rockislandadultreads]

Read-Alike Friday: What You Are Looking Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama

What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama

What are you looking for?

This is the famous question routinely asked by Tokyo’s most enigmatic librarian, Sayuri Komachi. Like most librarians, Komachi has read every book lining her shelves—but she also has the unique ability to read the souls of her library guests. For anyone who walks through her door, Komachi can sense exactly what they’re looking for in life and provide just the book recommendation they never knew they needed to help them find it.

Each visitor comes to her library from a different juncture in their careers and dreams, from the restless sales attendant who feels stuck at her job to the struggling working mother who longs to be a magazine editor. The conversation that they have with Sayuri Komachi—and the surprise book she lends each of them—will have life-altering consequences.

With heartwarming charm and wisdom, What You Are Looking For Is in the Library is a paean to the magic of libraries, friendship and community, perfect for anyone who has ever found themselves at an impasse in their life and in need of a little inspiration.

The Girl Who Reads on the Métro by Christine Féret-Fleury

Juliette leads a perfectly ordinary life in Paris, working a slow office job, dating a string of not-quite-right men, and fighting off melancholy. The only bright spots in her day are her metro rides across the city and the stories she dreams up about the strangers reading books across from her: the old lady, the math student, the amateur ornithologist, the woman in love, the girl who always tears up at page 247.

One morning, avoiding the office for as long as she can, Juliette finds herself on a new block, in front of a rusty gate wedged open with a book. Unable to resist, Juliette walks through, into the bizarre and enchanting lives of Soliman and his young daughter, Zaide. Before she realizes entirely what is happening, Juliette agrees to become a passeur, Soliman's name for the booksellers he hires to take stacks of used books out of his store and into the world, using their imagination and intuition to match books with readers. Suddenly, Juliette's daydreaming becomes her reality, and when Soliman asks her to move in to their store to take care of Zaide while he goes away, she has to decide if she is ready to throw herself headfirst into this new life.

Big-hearted, funny, and gloriously zany, The Girl Who Reads on the Metro is a delayed coming-of-age story about a young woman who dares to change her life, and a celebration of the power of books to unite us all.

Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

What would you change if you could go back in time?

In a small back alley in Tokyo, there is a café which has been serving carefully brewed coffee for more than one hundred years. But this coffee shop offers its customers a unique experience: the chance to travel back in time.

In Before the Coffee Gets Cold, we meet four visitors, each of whom is hoping to make use of the café’s time-travelling offer, in order to: confront the man who left them, receive a letter from their husband whose memory has been taken by early onset Alzheimer's, to see their sister one last time, and to meet the daughter they never got the chance to know.

But the journey into the past does not come without risks: customers must sit in a particular seat, they cannot leave the café, and finally, they must return to the present before the coffee gets cold . . .

Toshikazu Kawaguchi’s beautiful, moving story explores the age-old question: what would you change if you could travel back in time? More importantly, who would you want to meet, maybe for one last time?

This is the first volume of the "Before the Coffee Gets Cold" series.

The Lending Library by Aliza Fogelson

For fans of Jane Green and Loretta Nyhan, a heartwarming debut novel about a daydreamer who gives her town, and herself, an amazing a lending library in her sunroom while confronting an even higher stakes, life-changing, decision. When the Chatsworth library closes indefinitely, Dodie Fairisle loses her sanctuary. How is a small-town art teacher supposed to cope without the never-ending life advice and enjoyment that books give her? Well, when she’s as resourceful and generous as Dodie, she turns her sunroom into her very own little lending library. At first just a hobby, this lit lovers’ haven opens up her world in incredible ways. She knows books are powerful, and soon enough they help her forge friendships between her zany neighbors—and attract an exciting new romance. But when the chance to adopt an orphaned child brings Dodie’s secret dream of motherhood within reach, everything else suddenly seems less important. Finding herself at a crossroads, Dodie must figure out what it means to live a full, happy life. If only there were a book that could tell her what to do…

[emissaire]

thank u pat my love!! sorry, i had to remove the other reblogs, it was getting pretty long but here's mine!!!

@manjiroscum @blueparadis @dilftaroooo @ranitani @laudthingcat @ranilingus @thera-daydreams @multistan-247 (i honestly need more friends on here wtf)

also sorry to intrude, none of these blogs are my moots but they write amazing fics and i love their works sm:

@sirthisisa-wendys @tojigasm @tsireqas @theseuscmander @tsireyqs @hanmas @garoujo

Tag a quality blog, You’re it! Quality doesn’t means that you have a lot of followers, or a lot of messages. It means that you’re nice to other people, and you deserve to be happy. If you get this message, someone is telling you that they love you as you are, and they don’t care how many followers you have. Send this to 15 blogs who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing will happen. But it’s just good to let someone know that you love them. :)

thank you thank you thank you thank you

@pride-potato @geeky-gay-greek @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @fayeisuppose @directlyat-thesun @when-wax-wings-melt @darling-im-the-queen-of-hell @the-end-is-heree @thehometownskeptics @the-pastel-ghost-femboy @nemideia @viere @escapingthereality @i-will-sing-no-requiem @ultravioletmorning–light @fluffylionthoughts @autistic–crows @foundationsretail and everyone else i didn’t tag it’s very early in the morning

[anerdquemoraaolado]

vSo, I decided to venture once again posting one of my stories here, and this time is a Top Gun story, another Rooster x Oc, but anyway, I hope you guys can embrace this one too. So, enjoy!

Subtle Insistence

Chapter 1: Sweet Stranger

Once again, Rafaela got out of bed seeking strength to fight the constant feeling of loneliness that she felt. She tried to ignore it, but it was there, along with the irony. Irony because being in a country she hadn't known before, that wasn't her homeland, had been completely her idea. When she thought so, she countered that conclusion with another one of her excuses, the circumstances around her had compelled her to act like that.

Facing the day, thinking she had a lot to do yet, she got to her feet. She quickly changed into her receptionist's uniform and headed towards her workplace. The Hotel was not a resort among the many others that surrounded it, which were more like San Diego as a beach town and tourist, but it served its simplest purpose, a place where people stayed, people of all kinds, including the occasional tourist, even though this is not its focus.

Rafaela washed her face before arriving at her post, trying to freshen up, try to feel better. There, behind the counter, she put her bravest smile on her face and got to work, guiding customers, checking them in, wishing them a good stay.

When she was still a rookie, she heard the comment a lot about not being understood very well because of her accent, which made her lose her temper inside, however, take a deep breath, and speak again more slowly. It wasn't everyone who treated her like that, but still, she got the feeling that they thought she was incapable of not speaking properly, which was not true. One word or another could sound with thick accent, but she had managed to neutralize her accent after 3 years there.

When the time for movement passed, and everything became calmer, Rafaela began to observe her surroundings. It was a habit she had created over the years, it was what she managed to do to guard against any faux pas that might arise, try not to embarrass herself after having passed it so many times, no matter what country she was in.

And now, her watchful eyes had captured an unusual figure. It was a man there in the hall, more precisely, in the hotel restaurant, sitting, thoughtful, looking out the window towards the sea. Rafaela noticed the simple, almost imperceptible smile he gave at that moment, soon returning to become more serious, almost sulking, but not so much.

In addition to all these human details, one physical detail caught her eye, a distinct mustache over his lips. Beards on men she could even understand, they were common there, which was classified as fashion, but a mustache, it wasn't common like that, maybe it was the man's choice to have his own style and be different. Little did Rafaela know that there was a deeper reason than that for him choosing to shave like that.

After all this set of observations, something else caught her attention, he was not a guest, if he was, she would remember him. He usually remembered everyone, but he hadn't passed by her at any point, maybe, after all, he was waiting for someone who would find him there.

As if reading her thoughts and giving the answer Rafaela had begun to yearn for, the man with the mustache approached the counter. She simply put her daydreams and deductions aside and prepared to check in.

-Welcome - she said her practiced greeting - what can I do for you?

-Oh hi, I want a room, for three days - he replied, clarifying what he was doing there.

-Of course, would it be just for you? - she continued, just checking the information.

"Yes, that's right," he confirmed.

-Your name, please - Rafaela now had her eyes on the screen, waiting for the information.

-Bradshaw, Bradley Bradshaw - he replied and the receptionist just computed everything.

-Okay, room 247, I'll get the key and you can sign here for me, please - she indicated the tablet and pen, as she bent down to pick up the key.

Rafaela watched his handwriting, she did that with all her clients, but something about the way he held the pen and wrote her name, leaving the writing there, caught her attention.

-Here you are, Mr. Bradshaw, enjoy your stay at the Golden Rays.” She smiled in her usual conditioned way, but the stranger, or rather the hotel customer named Bradley, smiled genuinely.

-Thanks - he thanked and left, no doubt enjoying his own room.

----------

If there was one thing Bradley had to admit about himself, about how he felt before he was drafted into Top Gun and reunited with Maverick, it was how lost he felt. In his head and maybe in his heart, his calling would always be the air, a fighter pilot like his father, like his Uncle Pete. Somehow the two of them had influenced him in that and after he was barred from joining the Navy, there was no way Bradley could fully understand what Maverick wanted from him.

Afterthe mission they went through together, they managed to at least scratch the surface of this iceberg of unresolved feelings and managed to get closer. That part of Bradley's life had found its way, and the other part seemed like a long road ahead with a million possibilities, which it really was.

He had been drafted to the San Diego base and would be there for at least a year. While he couldn't find an apartment, he decided to stay at Golden Rays. Sitting there alone, looking out the window, he let himself be touched by the solitude that surrounded him. The longing for his parents hit him again, he just sighed and closed his eyes. He hoped that no matter where they were now, they were proud of him. That thought made him smile for a brief moment.

His decision made, he then got up, agreeing to stay in place. He couldn't miss the receptionist's understated features. She wore glasses, her hair was all tied up tightly in a bun with a few curls stubbornly escaping near her ear, she was friendly but you could see some forced expressions in the corner of her smile, she probably did that all day, every time, she was talking to a stranger. Even so, Bradley sensed sincerity in her empathy. He quickly read the badge on the left pocket of the uniform, Rafaela, but he didn't use it when greeting her.

After so much thought, he decided that a nap in his new room was more than deserved. He just rested, leaving the next day's responsibilities for when he arrived.

[squishyfruitloop]

I posted 1,123 times in 2022

That's 411 more posts than 2021!

39 posts created (3%)

1,084 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@squishyfruitloop

@mrsmatt

@spaghetti-hoop

@feralgremlin-nickjackson

@phoenixsplashes

I tagged 74 of my posts in 2022

#fruitloop and spaghetti hoop - 50 posts

#attorneys at law - 49 posts

#the kbg gkb family - 25 posts

#ncpd - 24 posts

#blackpool cuddle club - 24 posts

#squishy and softie - 22 posts

#s3b2 - 10 posts

#personal - 9 posts

#me and bae - 5 posts

#polyamory - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 46 characters

#please know that i love you forever and always

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

There are times when it's hard to think that I'm worthy. That I HAVE worth. But then my husband comes in and holds my hand. Then my wife settles me with daydreams of the next time we see each other.

They give me permission to love myself. To be 100% my authentic self, and I love them more than I could ever say. I am so amazingly lucky.

And hopefully, I'll have my wife in my arms again in 247 days.

9 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#4

5 months and 75 pounds down. I actually like myself.

10 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#3

Y'all.... That's Chris Jericho singing to me and acknowledging me at the VIP today. @nick-kenny-eddie @rollynchwhore

14 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#2

A new everyday post. Fitting when I think about it. Today was exhausting, and I missed them so much. More than I consciously realized until the end of the day. But I was so happy that they had fun. It was the day I became Super Ley the Kind Who Does Nice Things.

It was 60 days. I checked the math this time.

56 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Everyday, it's a little more. A little more everything.

Today it was McDonald's Filet-o-Fish for dinner and an addiction in Florida that was also my granddad's favorite snack.

93 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mrskodzuken]

Home (/hōm/) n. The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

House (/hous/) n. A building for human habitation, especially one that is lived in by a family or small group of people.

Tadaima! Welcome to my third collab event, “The Home Collab”. I was planning on posting this (on schedule) on my birthday month of May, but a lot of things happened... so here it is! Details + masterlist under the cut.

The theme/motif for this collab event is: a house or home/any part of the house (domestic stuff happening inside one). Share houses and dorms are also considered as such.

Writers and artists aged 18 and above only can join the collab.

SFW, NSFW and DC entries are allowed.

Write/draw for the following fandoms: Haikyuu, Jujutsu Kaisen, Tokyo Revengers, and Obey Me. For those doing nsfw/dc entries, as the great @/meiansmistress said: “have it be like ‘the walls. the kitchen. the couch. the bathroom. time to make use of the furniture in the house for this collab!’” Also please tag them appropriately.

To join, send me an ask with the following: fandom, the character you are doing, writing or art, and if it’s either SFW/NSFW/DC. I won’t acknowledge requests being sent through DM, but not character/form changes and stuff (like submitting late or pulling out of the collab). Reblog this post once you’ve been added.

For writers, any kind of writing is allowed and no minimum word count but please use the readmore function if your work is 500 and above to avoid dash clogging.

Character usage is limited only to one (1) character per blog. This is a ‘first come, first serve’ collab (sort of). If your first (or second) choice is taken, have some back-up characters in hand just in case.

Deadline for the submission of entries is any day within January 2023. This is not a hard deadline, but I’ll expect each and every one of you to do your entries not half-assedly if possible. Let me know via DM/ask if there’s anything you want to consult with me (late submissions, entry changes, pulling out etc).

Tag me at @mrskodzuken and use the hashtag ‘#🏠.if walls could talk’ on your posts, and I’ll reblog them and update the masterlist with the links.

♡ Masterlist

* NSFW/DC entries are marked as 🌶.

🏠 Haikyuu!!

@/mrskodzuken - Kozume Kenma

@omi-boshi - Sakusa Kiyoomi

@ceo-of-daichi - Sawamura Daichi 🌶

@mxonigirimiya - Bokuto Koutarou

@ohtobiors - Akaashi Keiji 🌶

@meiansmistress - Shugo Meian 🌶

@tetsukentona - Kuroo Tetsurou

@haikyutiehoe - Oriver Barnes

@lou-struck - Oikawa Tooru

@bakuroo-writings - Suna Rintarou

@hyeque - Tsukishima Kei 🌶

@nappingwithyuuji - Nishinoya Yuu

@rosesandtoshi - Ushijima Wakatoshi 🌶

@wolffmaiden - Miya Osamu 🌶

@suckerforsugawara - Miya Atsumu

🏠 Jujutsu Kaisen

@ry0m3n - Geto Suguru 🌶

@cirigiri - Nanami Kento 🌶

@natsuzoku - Fushiguro Megumi

@multistan-247 - Gojo Satoru 🌶

@aasouthteranoswife - Fushiguro Toji 🌶

@mitsuyaya - Okkotsu Yuta

@mal-adaptive-daydreamer - Inumaki Toge

@bokutosmochi - Ryomen Sukuna

🏠 Tokyo Revengers

@chibishae34 - Matsuno Chifuyu

@atsumwah - Hanemiya Kazutora

@eunoji - Imaushi Wakasa

@kazububs - Haitani Ran

@rosze-a - Sanzu Haruchiyo

🏠 Obey Me!

@mementomoriifics - Lucifer 🌶

@lovynyou - Mammon 🌶

[awetistic-things]

awetistic things {247}

daydreaming all day and all night

[stillwaitin76]

Me @ the person who made this post:

look I see how it can be hard to get proper info on MaDD, but it’s not impossible so please 4 the love of god make sure you do actual research on it because this doesn’t read like they did

[alberto-scorfano]

I posted 247 times in 2021

23 posts created (9%)

224 posts reblogged (91%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 9.7 posts.

I added 947 tags in 2021

#luca 2021 - 225 posts

#luca - 176 posts

#alberto - 168 posts

#art - 103 posts

#luberto - 80 posts

#giulia - 66 posts

#icons - 58 posts

#memes - 47 posts

#wavorites - 15 posts

#yeah - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i like to think the two apologized for their actions under ercole because they clearly realized how much of an asshole he was at the end

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

luca was a direct hate crime against my emotions actually

66 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 04:14:57 GMT

#4

someone stop me before i watch it again

86 notes • Posted 2021-08-01 23:15:12 GMT

#3

pov you mentioned ercole

160 notes • Posted 2021-07-05 16:01:36 GMT

#2

THE WAY THEY ONLY GET FARTHER AND FARTHER FROM EACH OTHER AS THE DAYS GO ON…

and it’s all happening during the training montage, over the course of three days as giulia and luca got closer and bonded over learning and alberto felt he was becoming isolated again :(

1078 notes • Posted 2021-07-09 23:55:45 GMT

#1

I wanna talk about three specific moments here.

Number one, the scene where Alberto pulls Luca out of the water.

Number two, the scene where Luca saves Alberto during the Portorosso Cup.

And number three, the final scene. You know,

This heartbreaker.

(Apologies for the quality, by the way. Had to find these all from YouTube clips.)

And I just want to say a thought that I had about all these scenes, and how while I’m sure that the animators didn’t really have the intention of this,

I think all three scenes kind of represent something here, in some sort of case of… accidental symbolism, in a way?

And this isn’t even a full-blown theory or anything. Just me making connections ‘cause, well, I like to think about this movie.

Let me explain myself.

(LUCA SPOILERS AHEAD! Obviously. Uh, those screenshots are kind of spoilers too, really. This entire post is full of them.)

In the first scene, Luca is hooked from the ocean by Alberto and brought onto land for the first time. What I’m focusing on is the action of Alberto physically reaching towards Luca, and straight up pulling him out of the water. 

Luca has only ever known the ocean. He’s lived there his whole life, he has never been out of water. Except... Luca’s a dreamer. When the ocean felt too small for him, he had the desire to explore beyond the water, the longing to see the world. (”You wanna run off like your buddy Enrico? ‘Cause I’ve got news for you. He’s either dead, or he’s... out there, somewhere... seeing the world... but he’s probably dead!”) 

When Alberto pulls Luca out of the water and shows him what the world is like beyond the surface, he essentially fulfills this for him. He sort of... saves him from where he was trapped under the surface (literally - he has a daydream in the beginning where the ocean rises to cover his head so he can’t stick his head above the water). And it’s this whole thing, with Alberto reaching towards Luca to pull him from his confines and save him from his dissatisfaction with the ocean, that drives my entire point, why I’m making this post. Alberto makes the first move and reaches forward to save Luca from his dilemmas. 

Moving on to the second scene, which is where we start making connections. In this scene, Alberto is trapped in a net by Ercole, and Luca bikes forward to grab him and swipe him away before Ercole can hurt him. 

And... well...

He reaches forward, grabs Alberto, and saves him. I think you might be catching my drift here. We see yet again one of these boys reaching out for the other to save them from a bad situation. (And I know, I might be overdramatizing the first scene - Luca wasn’t in that bad of a tight spot - but the stakes weren’t as high in the beginning of the movie at all. It kind of reflects the tone of the movie and the way that it all escalated to this point.) 

But I’m kind of forming some sort of mirror here. 

In the first scene, Alberto is reaching forward towards Luca. He pulls him out of the water and saves him from the life he was unsatisfied with.

In the second scene, Luca is reaching forward towards Alberto. He pulls him from the ground, the dangerous situation that he was in, to safety. (Well, as safe as they could’ve been at that moment.)

And... I want to consider the ways they sort of “saved” each other in the movie. Not in the physical way, not like Luca pulling Alberto from a near-death situation, no - in an emotional way. 

I’ve already talked about the first. In the beginning, Alberto pulls Luca from the ocean - representing the way he sort of pulls Luca from the clustered life he lives, allowing him to explore the world and see all kinds of new things, just as he wanted. He freed Luca from the ocean when they first met, and consequently, freed him from being unable to see the surface, something that had been plaguing him for a while (”We’re a little worried about him, right?”). His liquid prison.

Luca’s is a lot more abstract. As we go through the movie, we learn that Alberto has been alone all his life, abandoned by his father, and clings onto the people important to him, and shoves away those who he thinks can take them away. But Luca helps him learn that he can accept people into his life, that he can trust others, and that he doesn’t need to rely on one single person or thing to get through it all. He saved Alberto from a life of loneliness and helped him grow into a better person - and while that’s not directly related to the moment he saved him during the race, it can be symbolized and represented by that moment. 

Alberto reaching for Luca, and in the end, Luca reaching for Alberto. Two boys who saved each other emotionally, represented by them saving each other physically. 

But wait. There’s one last thing.

The third scene is the well-known and tear-inducing train scene. I just wanna point out...

As they are pulled apart by the train, Luca and Alberto are both reaching for each other at the same time. 

The difference here is that in this moment, they have both already been saved. Luca, whose dream was to see the world and learn all about it, is reaching for Alberto as he’s being pulled towards a human school. Alberto, who was miserably living the loneliest life, reaches for Luca despite the fact that he now has a found family and is no longer desperate to cling to people. (”You got me off the island, Luca. I’m okay.”) They don’t have needs because they have already been fulfilled. They don’t need saving. 

They’re reaching for each other because they want to. They don’t need to - the other has already saved him. But they care for each other, and (ooh, can’t wait to get the callout post) love each other, and of course they’re going to hold onto one of the most important people of their lives. 

They don’t need each other. But they want to hold onto each other. 

It’s been Alberto reaching for Luca, and then Luca reaching for Alberto - until the final scene, when they don’t really need to - They hold each other until they can’t anymore, and they both reach for each other. Until Luca is pulled away, and it’s arrivederci. Until next summer. 

TL;DR: Alberto reaches for Luca and saves him in the beginning. Luca reaches for Alberto and saves him in the end. This represents the way they emotionally help each other throughout the movie. They both reach for each other despite not needing saving in the end - simply because they want to.

Thank you so much if you read through this whole thing and are still here! I know that I sounded a little repetitive, but I really wanted to drive my point across and hoped that I wasn’t sounding too unclear. I wanted to make this easy to understand, but it’s easier said than done, haha. It’s one of those thoughts that make sense in your head and not to anyone else, I think, but I tried my best to do it justice. 

Anyway, if you couldn’t tell, I love this movie a lot - and I hope this meta in which I drew way too many connections adds a little something more to the story. Anyway, grazie for getting this far, and I hope to see you around! 

1261 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 13:00:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[fancybehaviour]

Story: This is a series of drabbles written using the wordle of the day as prompt.

Read from the beginning here on AO3!

Read Chapter 6 here on AO3!

Chapter 6: Other

(Wordle #247, Feb 21)

Ginny had to admit, she was a little shocked at her own audacity.

Not even in her wildest imagination had Ginny ever entertained the idea of a boy other than Harry. (Obviously, since her wildest imagination solely existed to produce daydreams of her weddings with Harry).

Yet here she was, seated in The Three Broomsticks, across the table from Michael Corner as he cheerfully rambled on about Quidditch.

She was even more surprised to find that she was actually liking it.

She liked when his fingers grazed against hers accidentally, and she liked when he deliberately took her hand in his. She liked the envious looks her roommates gave her as she got ready that morning. She liked the buzzing excitement that had been inside of her ever since Michael had asked her a couple of days ago.

Most of all, she liked him. He was smart, chatty and charming. And so very handsome, she thought, as watched him gesture with his hands as he concluded his spiel.

“So,” Michael began tentatively. “I told my mates I would meet them in Honeydukes, do you want to come along?”

She could hardly keep the smile off her face as she nodded her assent.

He offered her his hand as she shuffled out of the booth and she gladly took it, feeling a fluttering against her ribcage when he gave her a dimpled smile in return.

It was alright, she decided. She was having a good, no, great time. Even if it was not the guy she had dreamed about. Dreams rarely ever came true anyway.

[nordleuchten]

Thank you for the reminder that the time has run out. :-)

I am actually a bit surprised that La Fayette won this thing and that nobody voted for Virginie. I thought that Adrienne would surpass La Fayette here and that Anastasie and Virginie would get approximately the same number of votes. Especially because Virginie wrote such an interesting and important book about the family.

But what probably intrigues me most is who are the other family members that got almost six percents – and are there people out there who would like to see a bit more coverage of La Fayette’s extended family?

Favourite Family Member

This is a question that honestly interests me, so please, indulge me. And yes, I hope to see a lot of "propaganda" for one family member or the other under this post. :-)

[cosmicadventure]

trying to decide which one of my 247 imaginary worlds i want to daydream about today

[namjoonia]

BEST OF 2021 NAMJOONIA

Thank you to my dearest @kkulmoon​ for tagging me. This post, I am afraid, is going to be embarrassing. 2021 was such a difficult year for me with lot of ups and downs so the last branch of the year, I have not really created anything and I do feel really apologetic about that. Hopefully this year will be better to all of us. 

My biggest thank yous also need to be said towards @kkulmoon​ who is utterly precious, my soulmate @yoongispatience​ and my dear friend @yoongiandthebiaswreckers​ I cherish you and I adore you so much ♥ 

BEST OF 2021: post your most favourite or most popular posts from each month this year

◘ JANUARY  most popular post: “BE” Album Concept: Jungkook version | 155 notes  favorite post:  Beautiful friendship of Kim Namjoon & Jung Hoseok  I am really proud of the “BE” series, though they are still unfinished but the friendship of RM and Hobi is rarely shown and their dynamic is one based on mutual respect which I admire a lot. So that would most likely be my favorite post from January. 

◘ FEBRUARY  most popular: Hobi series: Daydream & Hope World | 247 notes favorite post:  Hobi series: Base Line, Blue Side, P.O.P. February marks start of another series, this time it’s Hobi series, which is also unfinished, how embarrassing. This particular post I am pretty proud of even though it wasn’t very popular. That second post, I played around so much, I remember redoing it about 6 times before I wrapped it all in neon, reflecting on the songs I chose for that post.  ◘ MARCH  most popular post: D-2 series: Moonlight  | 470 notes I am so unbelievably proud of that second gif where I tried my best to make the difference between Yoongi then and Yoongi now, something he talks about in Moonlight

favorite post: D-2 series: What do you think?  I don’t always play around with After Effects but for this post I did and it took really long time, I was so proud of myself even though it’s nothing special really. But it became my favorite post, alas not very popular one. 

◘ APRIL  most popular & favorite post: D-2 series: Strange  | 58 notes  Strange is my favorite song of the D-2 album and even though the post may feel sloppy I was really happy with it and with getting to know a little more about my favorite song.  ◘ MAY  most popular & favorite post: Hobi in Green  | 46 notes  This was my only post in May but I do like it very much, did it flop? Hell yes. But I am happy with gifing Hobi in Green regardless. 

◘ JUNE  most popular post: SUGA and his magic hands | 586 notes  I did these gifs for my D-2 series post which completely flopped and you thirsting simping babies just kept rebloging the hands. I am not bitter, I am very thankful ♥  favorite post: 8 Years with Jin  I am really proud of this post, another unfinished series good gods, but the concept I really loved and I remember being frustrated with how to put it together and then the sort of double coloring made me pretty happy.  ◘ JULY  most popular & favorite post: 8 Years with Suga  | 107 notes  Attempting to continue the series back then, I did the SUGA version and I was really happy with it, so this one is definitely my favorite.  ◘ AUGUST  most popular & favorite post: Happy Birthday Jeon Jungkook  | 118 notes  I really love revisiting the words about songs and the process, if you can’t tell already :D and working on Jungkooks one for his Birthday was really fun, although it can be tricky find vocal line talking about their songs.  ◘ SEPTEMBER  most popular post: RM - Nature Lover | 371 notes  favorite post: RM: Favorite lyrics  I really love all the posts I did for #squishyweek but the lyrics one had me so frustrated I really need to mention it. I redid it so many times I lost count in the end and closed everything. I open my notebook around 1 AM because I was sad and did that post, so I feel like as a retrospect of last year, I need to mention that one.  ◘ OCTOBER  Sadly, I didn’t make any posts in October 

◘ NOVEMBER  most popular and favorite post: Thank you “BE” Notes  | 14 notes  It’s not really graphics but it’s still something I am proud of. On the “BE” 1 year anniversary I wrote some notes on what the album means to me and how I feel it represented the Pandemic year.  ◘ DECEMBER  Again, no posts because December is really difficult month for me. 

So yeah, that was it. Hopefully this year I get to finish all the series I started because I do love making the content I do, despite it not being very popular choice. I hope at least some posts of mine you do enjoy. 

○ ○ ○ 

Taggin some precious babies @yoongloyal @dreamaze​ @dee-ehn​ @lemonjoonah​ and well anyone who wants to do so, I am so bad at tagging. 

Happy New Year to everyone,  Maya ♥ 

[sighjeongguk]

↳ request!

↳ yoon sanha x reader

↳ words: 1104

↳ genre(s): fluff, friends to lovers.

↳ summary: you thought you were the only one who wanted something more, until sanha takes a step that neither of you anticipated.

“You’re doing it again.”

         You blink, and immediately groan as you yank the pencil from your mouth. A bad habit that you’d picked up somewhere, chewing on the end of your pencil when you’re particularly stressed—and what else would you be but stressed when trying to trudge your way through a 4000-word essay?

         Sanha reaches over to pluck the pencil from your fingers, his face scrunched up in disgust as he discards it on the table. “Why do you even need a pencil?” He asks, gesturing at the open laptop sitting before you. “YN, it’s a digital paper!”

         “To doodle on my textbooks!” You huff, snatching the pencil from the table and scribbling in your textbook, just to make a point. “See!”

         Sanha huffs out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he, once again, takes the pencil from you. “Doodle later. You’re going to give yourself lead poisoning at this point.”

         “Don’t be dramatic,” you scoff, but do as he says, letting the pencil be abandoned on the table and turning back to your essay. 300 words left, but the last hurdle is always the hardest. When you find yourself running out of things to say just as the word count begins to seem bearable.

         250. You think back to two days ago, when you’d started this essay, confident that you’d fly through it. You hate that person. Too cocky, arrogant.

         248. The first hiccup had been two-hundred words in, when you’d seen how little you’d done and how much you had left. You’d cursed your professor for the essay.

         250. You’re never going to complain about a 2500-word essay ever again. How were you supposed to drag out a literary analysis for 4000 words when most of your notes were doodles? You glance sideways at a, rather unflattering, doodle you’d done of Sanha. Maybe you should have taken up Art instead of Literature.

         247. You’re going to scream. How do you write conclusions again? How do you wrap up 3500 words of pure crap in a nice bow?

         You don’t scream, but you do groan. Behind you, Sanha chuckles. It doesn’t stop even when you turn to glare at him; he simply gestures at your laptop screen once more, prompting you to focus back on your work. You regret asking him to come over. Normally, he’s around to distract you, but there are times—like today—when your stress radiates off you and he has no choice but to step in and help you focus, your best friend and greatest supporter.

         Sanha taps his finger against a scribbled note you’d left yourself sometime during your last meltdown, a suggestion for the ending of this godforsaken essay that won’t just be rehashing what you’d already said and instead wrap everything up tidily. You beam over your shoulder at him, then with a few sideways glances at the note, you bring your essay to a close.

 As soon as your essay is handed in, you reward yourself by smacking your head against the coffee table you’re sitting at. Thunk, thunk, thunk—you ignore the dull pain that blossoms on your temple. You’re trying to empty your head of the four-thousand-and-seventeen words, you think. You lower your head again, but this time it doesn’t hit wood. You let your head rest on Sanha’s hand for a moment—a brief, quiet moment—before lifting it to look at him through tired eyes.

         He puts your drink down on the table with the hand that wasn’t saving your brain, and settles himself comfortably on the floor beside you. He brushes your hair away from your face in a gesture that’s both familiar and strange. Familiar, because Sanha is your best friend, because he is often the one to do these things for you. Strange, because it’s more… intimate than usual. Too soft for a boy that makes fun of you with contagious laughter and shaking shoulders, who’ll call you ugly, gross, every name under the sun but still be the first to step up if anyone else said that to you.

         And now, he’s looking at you with soft smile, soft eyes, everything soft, soft, soft. Soft hand on your face, soft gaze coming closer; soft lips on yours. And oh, that’s new. That’s new and different and not at all what you were expecting when you started developing feelings for Yoon Sanha.

         You expected to ignore them, these feelings, to push them down and down until they disappeared altogether. You expected to daydream about kissing him. You didn’t expect him to kiss you.

         You almost chase his lips with yours when he pulls away, almost find yourself drawing closer when you’re supposed to be pulling apart. He averts his gaze immediately, looks anywhere but at you—the floor, the ceiling, the dust specks on the TV stand.

         He murmurs, “I’m sorry,” and you feel your heart break. Not because this is an unrequited love, but because you have both been labouring under the impression that it is. Because you know Sanha, you know he doesn’t kiss people on impulse. He must have been thinking about it for a while.

         “Don’t be.” You curl your fingers around the sleeve of his t-shirt, anchoring him in place. He is close to running and you know that. He would rather run and ignore this mess he thinks he has made instead of staying long enough to realise there isn’t one. “Sanha, I—.” The words catch in your throat, anxiety reaching up from your chest to grab them before they can make themselves heard.

         Sanha sighs, a heavy thing, and he turns his head just slightly. You can see his side profile and it is so, so pretty, but so, so heartbreaking. He looks defeated. “I’m sorry, YN. I just—I like you.” He smiles, but it’s a weak thing. “It’s dumb, I know—I’m sorry, but I promise—I promise I can move on.”

         “What if I don’t want you to?” He looks up at that, eyes blown wide, hope and fear blooming behind midnight irises. “What if—what if I feel the same?”

         “Really?” He asks, and you almost laugh at how quickly he goes from kicked puppy to overexcited puppy. You love him, so much.

         You nod, returning his hopeful grin. “Really.” It takes him barely a second to kick into action, for him to ignite your second kiss. When he pulls away this time, he’s still smiling. Heart full, you say, “I really like you, Yoon Sanha.”

         He presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “I really like you, YN.”

[squishyfruitloop]

There are times when it's hard to think that I'm worthy. That I HAVE worth. But then my husband comes in and holds my hand. Then my wife settles me with daydreams of the next time we see each other.

They give me permission to love myself. To be 100% my authentic self, and I love them more than I could ever say. I am so amazingly lucky.

And hopefully, I'll have my wife in my arms again in 247 days.