#day eleven: star-crossed lovers

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + masterlist

summary:

The Bloodline is a notorious crime family known all across the underground world. A family that’s been at the top of the food chain for generations. Currently led by the ruthless, stoic Roman Reigns, their success has never been better. But as Roman moves up the age ladder, his chief advisors are pushing him to set aside the one night stands in favor of settling down to ensure the continuation of the bloodline.

Enter: Solana Miller. Scarred both literally and figuratively from a lifetime of trauma, she finds herself embedded in a twisted game of politics when she’s forced into an arranged marriage with the tribal chief himself. A union built upon lies, Solana doesn’t expect her days to last long given Roman’s notorious temper.

Roman initially opposes the union, finding Solana to be entirely too fragile for his preference but eventually agrees under the guise that she will be unseen and unheard outside of her duties in giving him an heir.

What neither of these two realize is maybe there’s more to each other than meets the eye and that maybe the healing they’ve both been unconsciously looking for can be found in one another….. 

details:

cw/tw: extreme violence, graphic language, murder, drugs, torture, abuse (of children and adults), childhood sexual assault, mental health struggles, mafia, crime, fluff, smut, and suggestive content

song inspo: 'looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

pairing: roman reigns x poc!oc

feat characters: jimmy uso, jey uso, solo sikoa, naomi, nia jax, paul heyman, rikishi, the rock, sasha banks, cody rhodes, brandi rhodes, seth rollins, becky lynch, bianca belair, jade cargill, sami zayn, kevin owens, brock lesnar and more. (see cast here)

chapters:

act one

chapter one + chapter two + chapter three + chapter four + chapter five + chapter six + chapter seven + chapter eight + chapter nine + chapter ten + chapter eleven + chapter twelve + chapter thirteen + chapter fourteen

act two

chapter fifteen + chapter sixteen + chapter seventeen + chapter eighteen + chapter nineteen + chapter twenty + chapter twenty-one + chapter twenty two + chapter twenty three + chapter twenty four + chapter twenty five

act three

chapter twenty six + chapter twenty seven + chapter twenty eight + chapter twenty nine

shorts:

dulce interrupting roman and solana during 'spicy' time

roman calling sam 'solana' while being intimate

jey's bad ass kids

au roman and solana first meeting

roman and fetu discussion

solana visits roman in his office

roman and solana halloween costume short

roman and solana in the gym

star-crossed lovers au short

roman and solana cooking short

roman and solana talk about dom short

solana asks roman to go out to dinner short

sick days

sleepless nights

au short

leya

au roman being at the first ob-gyn appt

extras

⪨ click here to read asks regarding the story ⪩

⪨ click here to see current list of short suggestions ⪩

story inspired spotify playlist

roman's lock screens: part 1

roman's lock screens: part 2

roman's nsfw lock screens: part 3

roman and solana's house

roso visuals

roso texts

solana's instagram

solana's posts 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

[wileys-russo]

childhood sweethearts (7) II a.russo x reader

series playlist part one part two part three part four part five part six

another flashback, and some fluffy little firsts for our star crossed lovers childhood sweethearts (7) II a.russo x reader

eleven years old; the (sort of) first kiss

"did you see charlie and lily today at lunch?" you asked your best friend scrunching your nose in disgust, her head resting beside yours as the two of you lay on her bed, currently overcoming food comas after gorging yourselves on movie snacks all night.

"they looked like they were trying to eat others faces." alessia agreed before making a weird noise and attacking you, pretending to be some sort of monster as you shoved her off you with a grin.

"is that how you're supposed to kiss someone?" you asked curiously, the two of you looking up at her ceiling as the girl beside you shrugged. "i've never kissed anyone, how would i know?" alessia sighed, a brief pause of silence falling between the two of you.

"have you?" "what? kissed someone?" "yeah."

"lessi do you think maybe i'd have told you if i kissed someone, idiot." you laughed, shoving her head to the side as she rolled her eyes and sat up. "everyone makes a big deal out of it. seems gross!" you pulled a face, not loving the idea of swapping spit with anyone.

"super gross. charlie looked like he was trying to do laundry in lilys mouth." alessia joked as you gave her a look of confusion. "you know, cause his tongue was like a washing machine-" she sat up and demonstrated, aggressively swirling her tongue around and licking the air like a dog making you let out a loud pelt of laughter.

"rory said the other day apparently people practice on their hands." you remembered the words of another one of yours and alessia's mutual school friends. "their hands?" alessia frowned deeply and you nodded.

"yeah they do this-" you made a fist. "-and then they like pretend this bits the mouth-" you pointed to the small hole on the side of your hand where your fingers didn't quite meet. "-and then they practice kissing with it." you shrugged.

"have you been doing that?" alessia grinned as your face blushed bright red, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "no!" you pushed her over so she fell onto her back beside you again. "rory just showed me." you rolled your eyes as alessia hummed, still grinning.

"i haven't!" you protested, smacking her shoulder and now being the one to sit up. "you're the worst." you grumbled, flicking her ear as she whined and swatted your hand away. "then why are you with me all the time." alessia mocked.

"don't have any better options yet, i'm on the market for a new best friend." you shrugged, now the one to grin as the girl let out an offended scoff and launched at you, the two of you rolling around wrestling.

"girls!" you both paused, you teetering on top of alessia with your knees pressed into her stomach as she tightly held your balled fists in her hands, both your heads turning toward the door where an amused looking mario stood. "its nearly nine, go to bed or keep it down." he warned with a smile as you both nodded and he left with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

"first to get ready for bed wins, go!" alessia challenged, shooting up from her bed as you hastily followed, diving onto the floor and rummaging through your overnight bag, with a glance over your shoulder you saw you were losing and internally groaned.

however as alessia tried to jump into her pyjama shorts her clumsy nature betrayed her and she tripped over her own feet, crashing down onto the ground as you yelled time, having just finished.

"i win! loser." you stuck your tongue out at the blonde who huffed, pulling her shorts on properly and sitting beside you on the bed. "go on." alessia groaned, holding her arm out expectantly for the usual punishment from your bets.

"how do you do it again?" you frowned, attempting to give her a chinese burn but really only twisting her arm around without any success. "like this." alessia grabbed your arm and you yelled loudly in pain as she successfully gave you one, the blonde smacking a hand over your mouth as you both looked to the door, silent for a moment but breathing out once neither of her parents appeared.

"i didn't mean give me one!" you scowled, rubbing your arm with a huff. "don't be such a baby." alessia rolled her eyes, kissing your arm apologetically before getting up to turn the lights off.

"hey! you're supposed to get one, you lost." you protested, alessia only shrugging as she grabbed the remote for her tv. "you tried and failed, you're the loser now." the girl teased, ruffling your hair as she jumped into bed, both of you settling under the covers.

"i repeat; you're the worst." you sighed with a shake of your head, alessia only shooting you a grin and grabbing a half eaten block of chocolate off her side table, taking a piece before handing it over to you.

the two of you sat in silence as you finished the movie you'd paused earlier, the princess diaries. to your surprise alessia didn't fall asleep, her eyes normally slipping shut as soon as the lights were off after she'd played a full ninety minute game earlier today, but the blonde seemed just as awake as you were for once as the end credits rolled and she flicked off the tv.

"do you ever think about kissing someone?" alessia asked, the two of you laying in the dark, the only sound filling the room the faint gunshots from the other end of the hallway where her brothers were playing xbox in their own room.

"not a lot but sometimes i guess." you shrugged, not really sure how to answer. "would you kiss someone?" the girl asked again, uncertainty present in her voice. "i think i'd be scared i'd be really bad at it." you confessed honestly with a small sigh, your best friend agreeing.

"we could kiss, tell each other if we're bad or not." alessia suggested as you both sat up, backs resting against the headboard. "that's weird. don't you save your first kiss for a boyfriend?" you replied hesitantly as alessia again shrugged.

"it's not like it will mean anything. just to test it out for when we do it for real!" alessia added on as you thought it over. "okay. but no washing machines!" you stated firmly as alessia grinned. "no washing machines." the blonde held out her pinky, the two of you linking them with a nod.

"ready?" alessia asked as the two of you shifted to face each other and you nodded, leaning in a little. "go." you ordered, the two of you quickly pecking lips. "how was it?" you asked with a frown. "fine i guess?" alessia also frowned, both of you unsure what a kiss was actually supposed to feel like.

you stared at one another for a minute before bursting into laughter, sliding down into the bed and grabbing onto one another, bodys heaving as your eyes squeezed closed and you were both gasping for air, clutching your stomachs which began to hurt.

"girls!" the door suddenly flew open and light flooded the room, your hand moving over alessias mouth as you gave carol a guilty smile. "it's eleven thirty. go to bed, now!" the woman warned as you apologized, elbowing a still laughing alessia as carol gave you both a stern look and closed the door.

you both settled for a minute, laughs turning into quiet giggles. "well at least we aren't washing machines." alessia commented into the darkness, setting the both of you off again as you covered one anothers mouths, desperately trying to muffle the sounds of your amusement.

"girls!"

thirteen years old; the first boyfriend

"hey! how did it go?" you quickly shot to your feet, raising an eyebrow as your best friend wandered over, playing with the straps of her book bag.

"they said yes, but i just have to keep up with the work while i'm away and if i'm struggling to stay up to date i have to get a tutor. if my grades drop more then i'll have to miss out, they've agreed to a couple of months trial." alessia explained as you squealed, pulling her into a tight hug.

"this is amazing! my best friend, future lioness." you smiled proudly as alessias arm slung over your shoulder, the two of you making your way out of the office and back onto the school grounds to enjoy what was left of your lunch.

"i wish you played football! then you could come with me." alessia huffed in annoyance as the two of you sat down in your normal spot with twenty minutes left until the bell.

"you've seen me play football lessi." you shook your head as you grabbed out your lunch, rolling your eyes and giving half to alessia who'd eaten most of hers already at your morning break.

"yeah, maybe i could have them trade you to another team? like a really really bad woman on the inside, i'll even get them to make you goal keeper!" alessia teased as she bit down on her half of your sandwich.

"pass on that one. but your first national camp, it'll be so fun! you'll probably meet a load more girls who actually like football." you spoke a little quieter, moving your eyes to stare off into the distance which alessia didn't miss.

"hey, you're my best friend. no one can ever replace that! who else lets me kick footballs at their head and shares their lunch, i'd starve if we weren't friends." alessia grinned, shoving your head to the side playfully.

"so you keep me around for target practice and free food? great. thanks a lot less!" you rolled your eyes moodily. "that's not all you're good for. with your stimulating conversation, good looks and your enormous brain!" alessia knocked teasingly on your forehead as you smacked her hand away.

"speaking of. did you study for our math test?" you questioned sternly, having been on her back all week about it much to her disdain. "yes! sort of." alessia smiled sheepishly as you sighed deeply, used to this kind of response from the blonde.

"sort of?" "yeah, see."

with that the girl lifted up the edge of her uniform skirt, your eyes widening seeing several equations scribbled on her leg in marker. "alessia! cheating?" you hissed as the girl dropped her skirt with a shrug.

"it's not cheating, i'm just giving myself a little helping hand." alessia justified with a grin. "hey! isn't that oliver?" her smile dropped as she nodded over your shoulder with a frown. "uh yeah, why?" you glanced at the boy and back to her.

"isn't he your boyfriend? and he's over there snogging grace!" alessia scoffed in disbelief. "not anymore. he had mason come and give me a note breaking up with me this morning." you announced with a shrug, not seeming all that phased as your best friend looked at you with wide eyes.

"he did what? i'm gonna go break his arm, i told you not to go out with him!" alessia fumed standing to her feet as you hurried to tug her back down with a shake of your head.

"no you won't. we only went out for like two weeks less and we only spoke about five times, he's actually really awkward." you laughed, rubbing her shoulder in appreciation of her protectiveness.

"plus, he was not a good kisser." "washing machine?" "washing machine on a rinse cycle!"

fifteen years old; the first confession

"so there's a party tonight." alessia announced with a suggestive smile, flopping down on your bed as you hummed, head buried in your textbook. "i said, there's a party tonight." alessia repeated, yanking your book out of your hands and tossing it on the floor, her head instead coming to rest in your lap.

"and?" you huffed, smacking her forehead lightly for the mistreatment of your textbook. "and, we should go!" alessia grinned up at you, wiggling her eyebrows. "don't you have an early game tomorrow?" you sighed, playing with her hair like you knew she liked as she shrugged.

"so? we don't have to stay late but it would be fun. come on book worm, your textbooks will be okay left alone for one night!" alessia pinched at your cheeks with a mocking pout, squishing them together.

"are you asking me, or telling me?" "both? i told rory and emily to meet us here at seven." "alessia!"

it was a several hours later and you had to admit you actually weren't having a terrible time. well, you weren't at first. "no way you cheated!" you shoved rory who doubled your score at pinball, the two of you taking turns.

given that the host of this party was easily the richest boy in your grade there were all sorts of fun things to play around with. you'd not seen alessia in about an hour but you weren't too worried, the girl much more so the social butterly than you, you had no doubt she would be around mingling. you however were content so long as you had at least one of your friends by your side throughout the night.

oh how wrong you'd been to leave her on her own.

"hey y/n!" you looked up with a smile as you beat rory again, the girl punching you in the arm as another one of your friends amelia appeared. "um, it's alessia." the girl played nervously with her hands as you raised an eyebrow.

"what's alessia?" you questioned, gesturing for her to continue. "she's sort of...well, just come with me!" the girl grabbed your hand and dragged you off as you grabbed rorys, the redhead trailing after you as amelia lead the two of you upstairs.

"some of the boys brought vodka and they offered us some and well..." amelia winced, opening the bathroom door to reveal your best friend slumped over in the bath tub, emily crouched down by her side.

"she's drunk?" you asked in disbelief, the three of you shuffling into the bathroom and closing the door. "oh my best friend is here! hello you." alessia slurred, perking up happily at the sight of you as her head lolled to one side.

"how much did she drink? lessi how much did you drink?" you squatted down beside emily, grabbing the blondes hand who shrugged as her head thumped back down into the bath tub.

"dunno, few sips." the older girl shrugged as she closed her eyes. "why would you let her drink! why would you drink?" you shoved emily who looked down guiltily, rory sending you a pointed look and rubbing the brunettes back.

"sorry em. can she walk?" you apologized softly. "kind of?" emily winced as you stood, grabbing alessia's hands and trying to pull her up, the girl instead pulling you down as you landed half on top of her in the empty bath, head smacking back into the tiled wall.

"oh fuck!" you hissed sharply, clutching your throbbing head and squeezing your eyes closed. "oh god i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry." alessias eyes widened as she slurred through multiple apologies and your head began to pound.

"shit are you okay? how many fingers am i holding up? can you see one of me or two? do you feel tired? sleepy? you can't sleep if you have a concussion, wake up!" rory shoved her hand in your face. "three fingers rory, and i'm not concussed jesus!" you pushed her digits away from you with a huff.

"my mum is supposed to pick us up in an hour and if she finds her like this we're both dead." you groaned, smacking away alessia's hands which tried to cradle your sore head, still slurring apologies. "your sister, brother?" emily suggested as you shook your head, the girl in question having just lost her license for a few months for speeding, your brother still on his learners permit.

"what about alessia's brothers? god they're fit." rory suggested with a lovesick sigh, emily smacking her on the leg with a warning glare. "worth a try." you sighed, your friends helping you to your feet as rory stepped out, returning with a bottle of water as they coaxed alessia up into a sitting position, having her take small sips as you called gio first.

"short stack. to what do i owe this phone call interrupting my friday night?" the boy sighed as if annoyed but you knew he was only messing about with you, hurriedly rambling out what had happened.

"hey hey slow down. she's conscious right? she can breathe? speak?" the boy tried to calm you as you confirmed the above. "then it'll be okay. just make sure she's drinking some water and isn't left on her back in case she throws up, she could choke. text me where you are and i'll be there soon." the boy promised as you let out a sigh of relief.

"thank you."

"oh wow." the middle russo's eyes widened as it took all three of you to balance the tall blonde between you, who was really not able to walk. "come on less." gio grunted, taking her into his own arms and helping her into the car, buckling her in as she mumbled all sorts of gibberish.

"do you two need a lift home?" gio asked rory and emily who shook their heads, explaining rorys mum was already on her way to get them. you hugged them both goodbye and thanked them for their help before getting into the back next to alessia who'd already passed out.

you winced as her head slumped down onto your shoulder, the girls breath reaking of vodka and vomit as no sooner had the three of you helped her up had she released the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"did you drink too?" gio asked somewhat firmly, giving you a stern look through the rear view mirror as you shook your head. "no i promise. i didn't even know there'd be alcohol there, and if i had i wouldn't have let less drink. i shouldn't have left her by herself!" you sighed, sparing a glance to the drunken girl beside her.

"hey what she does isn't your responsibility, you can't fix everything for her for the rest of her life. but she's lucky she's got you, even if she is a bit of an asshole to you sometimes." gio cracked a smile which you returned.

"i think the gentle bullying is just her way of showing love. you've seen how she gets when anyone else tries." you chuckled as alessia stirred, crossing her arms and sighing, still continuing to sleep on your shoulder. "mm it's very much so she can pick on you but no one else can." gio laughed quietly as he pulled into their driveway.

"are your parents still up?" you bit your lip nervously as the boy sent you a smile which said it all. "wait here a second." he slipped out of the car and headed inside. "hey lessi." nudging your shoulder up and down as the blonde let out a quiet groan.

"time to wake up, we're at your house." you encouraged softly, shaking her lightly as her bright blue eyes fluttered open. "how'd we get here?" she slurred tiredly, eyes slipping closed again as you sighed.

gio returned with luca in tow as you unbuckled her, again shaking her and helping her to sit up as she rubbed her eyes with an incoherent mumble. "oh lessi." luca sighed with a disappointed shake of his head as he and gio helped the girl out of the car, slinging her arms over their shoulders as she stumbled.

you shrunk as carol awaited your arrival in the doorway, tapping her foot and sighing as the four of you arrived. "hi mum!" the blonde slurred with a lopsided grin, head slumping back onto gio's chest. "take her to bed. i'll deal with her tomorrow!" the woman sighed tiredly, the boys nodding and doing as asked.

"you, come here." the woman beckoned as you hung back, nervously playing with your fingers. you followed her inside and to the kitchen, sitting down at the bench as she instructed, bouncing your knee nervously.

"tell me what happened, the truth." carol handed you a mug of tea as you sent her a small smile and took a sip. you sighed before filling her in on the whole night as best as you knew, unable to fill in the gaps where only alessia was present and responsible for her own actions.

"so you didn't drink?" carol asked firmly as you shook your head quickly. "nothing. i really didn't know anyone would have alcohol, i don't even know how they got it or how much she had." you admitted with a sigh, wishing you could rewind time and have kept a better eye out.

"come here." the woman opened her arms with a sigh as you hugged her, appreciating the warmth that always accompanied an embrace from any of the russo's. "you did the right thing calling someone but next time just call me or your mum, or even mario! i know he's lessi's favourite." the woman rolled her eyes as you cracked a small smile full well knowing your best friend was indeed the epitome of a daddys girl.

"are you gonna call my mum and dad?" you asked nervously, hands twisting around the now empty mug as carol nodded. "tomorrow yes. not tonight, go and get some sleep love." the woman nodded for you to head upstairs as she took your empty mug.

"are you angry with less?" you questioned, hovering in the doorway as carol sighed. "i'm more disappointed in both of you than angry. but she'll get her own talking to tomorrow, don't you worry about that! off you go." and with that you sighed, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of your stomach at the woman you considered a second mum being disappointed in you.

"hey, thank you for tonight." you hovered in gio's door once you'd headed upstairs, the boy giving you a hug and ruffling your hair before you headed across to alessia's room.

you had to blink a few times to let your eyes adjust to the darkness, closing her door again and stumbling over toward her cupboard, huffing as you waded through the piles of clothes which littered her messy floor.

grabbing out some of her clothes you slipped into her bathroom, changing and brushing your teeth before flicking off the light and padding over to the bed. alessia was also changed and sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly ajar and blonde hair sprawled messily all over the pillows.

"move over less." you sighed, slipping into bed beside her and rolling her over with a grunt. the sudden change of her body had her stirring though as she groggily lifted her head, rubbing her eyes.

"where are we?" "your room lessi." "how the hell did we get here?" the girl slurred though it was much less now some time had passed since her last drink. "you're welcome. goodnight!" you turned onto your side facing away from her.

"go to sleep!" you kicked her as you felt her cold fingers tracing shapes on your back over your top. "no. i need to tell you something, turn over!" alessia demanded as you gave in with a sigh, rolling to face her and raising an eyebrow.

"you're gonna laugh at this, trust me." alessia giggled, clearly still a little drunk as she struggled to keep her head up and her eyes open. "go on then." you gestured for her to continue.

"well...i have a cruush." alessia sang out, poking your nose with a smile. "who?" you perked up, now much more interested in what she had to say. "you might know them." alessia smiled cryptically.

"who?" "you!" alessia revealed with a giggle, head slumping back onto her pillow as she sent you a drunken grin and poked your nose again.

"i think you're the best. you're also really fit and cute and ugh when i look at you sometimes i just wanna-" alessia made a grabbing motion with her hands, laying on her back now as you stayed perfectly still beside her, eyes wide and unable to move as your body tensed.

"-grab you and kiss you properly. take your breath away and make you love me like i love you. but you're my best friend and you like boys, so doesn't matter!" alessia gave you a lopsided smile, staring at you through half lidded eyes, the alcohol pumping through her blood stream like a truth serum.

"goodnight." she sighed suddenly, eyes closing properly as she settled, her breathing evening out within seconds as you remained frozen in spot, unsure how to even process what was just said.

it was safe to say you hardly slept a wink that night.

though if you were tired it was nothing compared to the disgustingly new feeling of alessia's first hangover.

you'd shot up awake as you heard her violently throwing up in the bathroom. a quick tap of your phone showed it wasn't even seven in the morning yet, barely twenty past six.

feet hitting the floor you left her room, padding quietly downstairs. grabbing some water and paracetamol and heading back to her, knowing where everything was as if you lived here.

you gave her a sympathetic smile as you entered the bathroom to see her slumped in the corner, toothbrush hanging out of her mouth and fingers massaging her temples. "here." you offered her the water and pain killers which she took with an almost inaudible thank you.

last nights confession was fresh in your mind as you helped the taller girl to her feet and back to bed. "what the fuck happened last night?" alessia croaked out, burying her head in her pillows as you lay back down beside her and filled her in, conveniently leaving out her little eleven pm confession.

"jesus christ i thought it would just be a few sips, i'm such an idiot. my parents are going to kill me!" alessia moaned into the pillow. "your mum said last night she wasn't angry, just disappointed." you revealed as she rolled onto her back. "really? thank god." alessia sighed in relief now causing you to frown.

"you're happy about that?" "well yeah? she isn't angry, that's a relief." "she's dissapointed alessia that's worse!" "lower the volume please, and don't call me alessia you never call me by my full name it's weird."

fast forward and you never brought up her confession, unsure how to go about it at all, or how you felt about any of it. alessia however also clearly didn't remember it, not mentioning it much as you'd provided opportunities.

instead the blonde chose to focus on the pounding pain in her head as her parents forced her to still play her match that day, and it was safe to assume she more than learned her lesson about pairing football and a hangover.

you'd just assumed it had been a moment of drunken stupidity, her words holding no truth or meaning, deciding to push her confession deep deep down and do your best to move on as if you'd never heard it.

four months later; the first move

"are you nervous?" you asked, fingers expertly working their way through alessia's freshly dyed blonde locks, tugging and pulling with soft apologies as you braided her hair.

"no. i don't really get nervous about football, it's just another game. the girls are all lovely and training's been going well, i think we can win." alessia answered confidently, sat on the floor between your legs as you finished the braids, tapping her shoulders.

"these look wicked!" alessia grinned as she hurried to the bathroom, checking herself out in the mirror. "wicked?" you laughed, moving to cross your legs on the hotel bed with a raised eyebrow. "i think i've been hanging around tooney and stanway too much, they say it heaps." alessia rolled her eyes playfully.

"you should get back to your room, you'll be called down to warm up soon." you reminded as you checked the time. "shit i didn't realize it was after nine! thank you, saving my ass as always." alessia sighed, opening her arms as you stood to hug her.

"thank you for coming." the blonde whispered, you having accompanied her parents and brother to her first qualifying game with the under 17's lionesses team for the junior world cup, something you'd have not missed for the world.

"i won't have a clue whats happening but i'll be cheering for you." you grinned as she pulled away, rolling her eyes and kissing your cheek as she grabbed her stuff and slipped out of the room.

the kiss was nothing unusual, you'd both always been affectionate with one another, however ever since the drunken confession each little intimacy lead you down a windy and steep path of overthinking every little thing.

"-so why is she getting to just kick it?" you asked mario with a confused frown as one of alessia's team mates had earned a free kick.

"well you saw how number four was pushed to the ground?" the man moved closer as you nodded. "well she was tackled dangerously, something called studs up." he continued as you hummed.

"know how lessi's boots have all the little bumps on the bottom? those are studs, and when you tackle someone studs up it's illegal because it can lead to serious injuries. which is why she got a yellow card after, which is like a form of penalty. if you get two yellow cards that means you get a red card and you have to leave the pitch right away." mario explained as you let out a small ohh and nodded again.

"i just love our little football chats." the man chuckled, pulling you into his side in a warm hug. "sorry! less has been trying to teach me forever but it just goes in one ear and out the other." you apologized as he waved you off, gio and luca returning and handing you a hot chocolate as you smiled gratefully.

the girls came away with a 3-2 win and you couldn't be prouder of your best friend who bagged an assist and a goal of her own, being sure to point up at you and her family as she did before celebrating with her own team.

"hey a few of us are gonna have a big team sleepover in ellie and anna's room. you're gonna come right?" georgia asked alessia hopefully as she packed up her kit bag in the locker room. "she probably wants to spend some time with her girlfriend stanway leave her be!" ellie grinned as alessia frowned.

"she's not my girlfriend. she's my best friend, we've known each other since we were like five we're just really close." alessia corrected quickly, the smile dropping from her team mates faces.

"sorry! we just, well we assumed. sorry." ellie apologised as alessia nodded, sending them all a smile and promising to join them for a team breakfast tomorrow, leaving the change rooms with a weird feeling in her stomach.

"here she is, the next top striker of england!" gio cupped his hands over his mouth and announced loudly as alessia finally joined you all, having been kept busy with her team and the debrief and celebrations for around an hour or so.

she made her way around, hugging her family before stopping in front of you. "i am so proud of you! that goal was something else." you beamed, trying to hug her as she side stepped you, sending you a grateful smile and nodding for the two of you to catch up with her parents who were going to drive you all back to the hotel.

you brushed it off to her being tired, the car ride home filled with a lot of football talk you only pretended to understand, humming every now and then as your attention remained on the view outside, watching the world zip by quickly in blurs of green, grey, brown and blue.

though you were so fixated on the world outside that you entirely missed the pining looks constantly sent your way by your best friend beside you, who couldn't help but admire your side profile.

a soft smile settling on her lips as she watched your dimples appear and your nose scrunch every time you'd smile at something, the blonde finding both things absolutely adorable.

it was safe to say by the time you'd gotten back to the hotel and changed, then sat through a long dinner with her parents, then gone out for ice cream, alessia was shattered.

having been sharing a hotel room with her brothers you now had the room to yourself as they'd headed back a night early having plans with friends back home. so alessia opted out of her sleepover invite, ditching her team mates in favour of spending the night with you.

"god i think i'm gonna be ill." alessia moaned as she clutched her stomach, sinking into the soft mattress of one of the beds as you laughed. "i told you that second ice cream was a terrible idea and you'd make yourself sick. plus you ate your dinner, the starter and half of mine!" you shook your head, hands on your hips as you smiled down at her.

"i ran off a lot of energy today okay i was hungry! and you should know by now that i don't ever listen to a word you say so you should have found another way to stop me!" alessia groaned, her stomach gurgling.

"if you stink up the room as that all comes out the other end i'm sleeping in the hallway!" you warned, kicking her playfully and laying down beside her on the bed, both your legs dangling off the edge.

"please you love the smell of my farts, you've copped enough of them on your head over the years." alessia looked at you with a teasing grin as you gagged, shoving her away from you.

"urgh you're so gross sometimes. i can see why your mum says she basically had three boys!" you rolled your eyes mockingly. "please we're best friends we're supposed to share everything together, no matter what end it comes out of." alessia winked as you shook your head, gagging at her again.

"so i'll be sure to let your new team mates know you wet the bed till you were nine?" you grinned, knowing where to hit her to make it hurt as her jaw dropped. "that is such a lie! it was one time after we watched a scary film." alessia grumbled, sitting up and glaring down at you unappreciatively.

"but will they believe that? i don't think so, golden girl." you mocked as alessia's jaw dropped further and you barely had a second to roll away before she grabbed a pillow and tried to smack you with it.

"aren't footballers supposed to be coordinated?" you grabbed the other one, standing up on the bed with a challenging grin. "oh just you wait." alessia laughed as she stood up across from you, the two of you staring the other down, waiting someone to make the first move.

when she didn't make a move you lunged first, swinging the pillow with a war cry, collecting her right in the face as the two of you bounced around the bed like children half your age, smacking one another as your laughter filled the room.

you squealed as alessia suddenly tripped, grabbing onto you and practically tackling you down on the bed as she landed on top of you. the two of you couldn't contain your laughter as alessia laid her taller form down atop you, both your chests heaving and lungs burning with laughter until you eventually both began to settle.

as alessia sat up slightly she found her gaze pulled down to admire your flushed features. the way the corners of your mouth curled into a soft smile, the mischievous twinkle in your bright and alluring eyes, the curvature of your jaw and the way your ears stuck out a little from your head, something she constantly teased you for but actually found rather adorable.

now she was thinking about it there was a lot more about you alessia found so charmingly alluring it began to make her head spin. your eyes meeting hers as they shamelessly roamed your face, drinking in every single little detail, burning it into her mind so that if she never saw you again she would always be able to see you in her head.

catching the look in alessia's own face you pulled your head up slowly, the two of you staring each other down for a moment.

the older girls eyes couldn't help though to be drawn to your soft cherry pink lips, feeling the most overwhelming urge of curiosity wash over her at thinking of what they might feel like pressed to hers.

suddenly, but slowly, you both began to lean in as if compelled by some unknown force you were unable to stop.

then a pause, your faces so close that if alessia even just slightly turned her head, her nose would brush yours.

the blonde's eyes seemed to search your face as if silently asking permission of the younger girl beneath her, another pause passed before you nodded, both your hearts hammering so hard in your chests it felt like they could burst at any moment.

and just like that alessia leant in that little bit more, closing the final gap between the two of you as she finally captured your lips in her own.

butterflies exploded in their stomachs as the kiss grew longer and sweeter with every fleeting second that passed. alessia's breathe hitched slightly as she felt a warm hand slide into her own, you intertwining your fingers with hers as your other arm wrapped around her neck.

and in that very moment, everything felt right.

both of you eventually needed to pull away for air, alessia rolling off of you as you both lay in silence, hands still tightly intertwined in the small space that sat between you.

"go on a date with me?" alessia asked suddenly, cheeks bright red as she nervously awaited your answer, unable to hold back her true feelings toward you any longer.

"i'd love to lessi."

sixteen years old; the first date

alessia nervously drummed her fingers on her thighs as she spared a glance at you across the table from her, your eyes drawn down to the menu in front of you as the striker shakily exhaled.

"you alright?" you asked softly, sending her a smile as she quickly nodded, picking up the menu and covering her face which she was certain was bright red.

the action made you smile to yourself, this nervous, awkward and very clearly flustered side of alessia not one you'd really gotten much insight into over the years. instead you'd always been stuck with the cocky charmingly over confident blonde who seemed to all but disappear tonight.

the two of you were out for dinner, for your first official date since the kiss just a week and a half ago. since then you'd celebrated your sixteenth birthday, finally again the same age as your best friend, the two of you celebrating with your families.

things had been a little different since the kiss, you both danced around your feelings and interactions as if they were all suddenly new again, trying your best to navigate the obvious shift in your relationship with one another.

though aware that it was her who asked you on a date alessia had spent far too long overthinking what to do, eventually deciding the two of you should just get dinner at paradiso's.

the restaurant was frequented by your families often enough that it wouldn't raise any alarm bells the two of you going together, you both establishing on that same night as the kiss that you wanted to keep this between the two of you for the time being.

"are we ready to order girls?" john, the server who'd known you both since you were kids came over with a kind smile, alessia looking at you who nodded. the two of you made your orders and john disappeared to get them started.

"so, how was training?" you asked with a polite smile, having been trying all night to get the conversation flowing but each time something seemed to halter it, things fizzling out as soon as they started.

"yeah good, fine. the usual." alessia nodded, wiping her sweaty hands on her pants which didn't go unnoticed, none of her out of character behaviours did.

"lessi, hey." you called out softly, gaining her attention as you grabbed her hand under the table, squeezing it gently and interlocking your fingers. "why are you so nervous? it's just me." you whispered, the blonde nodding.

"i know, this just feels...so different." alessia sighed as you had to hum in agreement, things did feel a bit forced and awkward and you weren't really sure how to address it. a few moments of silence passed as you held on tightly to the strikers hand.

and then, everything suddenly clicked.

"can i say something?" you blurted out, gaining alessia's attention which had wandered to counting how many red tiles there were on the mosaic wall in the corner. "of course." alessia assured with a nod.

"i don't think this is going to work." you admitted quietly, alessia frowning and snatching back her hand. "no no sorry! gosh i could have worded that better." you blushed realising how it was coming across to her.

"not this-" you gestured between the two of you. "-this!" you instead gestured around the restaurant. "i think we know each other too well to do the whole conventional first date thing." you smiled as alessia visibly de-tensed, nodding firmly in agreement.

"do you want to just get the food to go? go back to mine and watch a movie?" you offered as alessia agreed, turning in her seat to gesture toward john.

within half an hour you were back at your family home, your dad having picked you both up, stealing a piece of pizza as his payment for the ride before leaving you both to it, your mum and siblings out for the evening.

once the two of you had eaten and decided on a movie you excused yourself to the bathroom, grabbing some clothes to change into and encouraging alessia do the same.

when you returned she'd donned one of your hoodie and a pair of her football shorts she'd found laying around which she'd left here before. "wondered where that went." the blonde laughed seeing you exit the bathroom in her shirt, which hung down just above your knees.

"you left it here, it becomes partially mine." you shrugged with a smile, causing the blonde to roll her eyes. "i'll keep that in mind." she teased as you sat back down next to her, clicking play.

it only took a few minutes before alessia's hand found yours, intertwining your fingers with a shy smile as you kissed her cheek. another twenty or so minutes passed then alessia started to move around a bit, seemingly restless.

"you alright?" you asked, glancing to her as she stopped. "would you maybe want to..." she gestured between her legs as now you smiled shyly, nodding. the two of you moving around a little you found your back resting against her front, caged in by her long tanned legs either side of your body.

"is this okay?" alessia asked quietly, snaking her arms around your stomach and resting her chin on your shoulder. "it's perfect." you promised with a soft smile, settling into her hold, your hands coming to rest on top of hers.

"you know..." you spoke up around a half hour later, growing quite bored of the movie you'd both picked. "mm?" alessia hummed as you turned to look up at her. "if this is like a date, we could maybe kiss a little." you suggested hesitantly, unsure if you were going a little too fast.

"yeah?" alessia asked, features filling with surprise as you nodded. "if you wanted to." you corrected, cheeks blushing slightly making the taller girl smile. "i do." she promised, squeezing your hands and leaning down a little.

"may i kiss you please?" she asked gently, breath ghosting your lips as her eyes roamed your face for any signs of discomfort, coming up empty as you nodded.

"yes you may."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part eight

[johnwickb1tsch]

Sympathy for the Devil ~ Part 12

A Donaka Mark x housekeeper!Reader fic, based on the amazing @discoscoob 's concept & bot!

Warnings: Donaka Mark is a bad man with a soft spot for you. dark romance, possessive behavior, nonconsensual voyeurism, red flag red flag girl!🔺, psychological games, power imbalance, dubcon/nsfw. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS!!!

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven.

Twelve. 十二

You do not leave his bedroom for two days. 

You fuck, and you sleep, and occasionally he comes up for air long enough to fetch something for the two of you to eat from the kitchen. You don’t know how you’ll ever look Mrs. Wong or any of your other friends on the staff in the eye again. You’re certain they know where you are, if not the exact circumstances in which you are being kept there. 

Mainly, the lock on the door, the key to which is a 6 digit passcode only Donaka Mark knows. You never gave that keypad a single thought, until the first time he activated it while you watched him through heavy-lidded eyes, your body rendered into a lump of despondent limbs and orgasm-melted bones. He is a demanding lover, but a generous one. You still don’t know if you can take comfort in that. He knows how to manipulate people, how to give them what they want to bring them to heel. 

You are taking the opportunity while he is out to clean up in the bathroom, and you look at yourself in the mirror. You almost don’t recognize the reflection of the wild-eyed thing with a mane of bedroom hair. Your body is covered in small bruises, love-bites and imprints just the size of the tips of Donaka’s fingers. Yet these small aches are nothing compared to what you feel inside your body. 

You don’t know how porn stars do it, because that man has wrecked you, and you quickly found out that begging for mercy only encouraged him to give you more. His cock is a weapon of mass destruction, and you would laugh about it if you didn’t think it would hurt. You lean on the sink and take a deep breath, bracing your lower abdomen with your hand. Help, my hot-as-fuck millionaire captor has a huge dick, and other problems no one ever wants to hear about…

“Are you hurt?” 

You jump at the sound of Donaka’s voice in the doorway. You were so absorbed in your self-pity you didn’t even hear him return. You find his tall form darkening the doorway, a frown pulling his severe features.  

“I’m fine,” you answer immediately, remembering what you got from him the last time you complained. 

However, he clearly doesn't believe you.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m…sore,” you admit, afraid he’ll use this information to punish you for weakness, pushing your boundaries even farther. 

“Are you bleeding?” He crosses the bathroom in two strides, swiping between your legs like he owns you, inspecting his fingers. Despite all the depraved things you’ve done in the past two days, you still start from his presumptive invasion. 

“No.”

He nods, looking over you with a frown. “Let’s have a warm soak,” he suggests. “It will help you.” He opens the taps on the massive tub, and he could have pushed you over with a feather when he gathers you in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead with a tenderness that makes you dizzy. 

He never apologizes. Not then, and not while you are lounging together in the soothing warm water of the tub, your head resting back against his broad shoulder. You nearly fall asleep more than once, and you might have drowned if he didn’t hold you with a long arm wrapped about your waist. You realize it’s the first time in the entirety of knowing this man that you feel secure in his presence. The realization makes you blink with surprise, turning your head to look at him. 

He regards you sleepily with one eye open. “Rest,” he tells you, and even though it’s a command, he delivers it gently. “I’ve got you.”

You’re not sure you understand Donaka any better than when this whole fiasco started, but with an uneasy thrill you realize that you want to. The one and only thing you should want is to run…but in the meantime, maybe you’ll unravel some of the mystery.

You’re just going to have to be patient, the sane part of you reasons. For now, you have to bide your time. Behave so he doesn’t make things worse for you. Eventually, he’ll slip up. He has to. 

Right?

You’re not so sure about anything anymore.

***

When at last you emerge from the warm water he wraps you up in his robe; he smiles for the way his garment utterly engulfs you. It smells intoxicatingly like him, and you think your brain chemistry might be developing a dependency on him like a drug. 

“Are you hungry?” he asks, cupping your cheek in his big hand. “I ordered some supper brought to the terrace.” 

You nod, and he kisses your forehead with a tenderness that makes you see stars. He couldn’t have shocked you more, had he slapped you. “Come on.” He pulls on a pair of black lounge pants on the way, apparently unbothered by the cooler evening air on the terrace outside. 

You admit you are grateful when you see dinner is already waiting on the table, and you do not yet have to look Lin or Mei in the eye just yet. 

Donaka surprises you again when he holds your chair for you, sliding you in closer to the table. When he removes the cover from your bowl, you see it is your favorite beef noodle soup that you raved so much about in the entry in your journal on your birthday. “Oh.” You couldn’t imagine better comfort food in that moment, and you look up at him with moist eyes. He touches your cheek again, but says nothing, taking his seat across from you. 

You realize in a way this man knows you better than anyone, because he has read the textbook of your innermost workings. The thought still makes you squirm, though maybe a little less than two days ago. Perhaps because rather than toss you out on your ear after reading your darkest yearnings–he fucked you silly, and seems to have no intention of letting you go.

At first dinner is silent as you tuck in to Mrs. Wong’s excellent cooking. And then…your conversation proceeds almost as though things are normal between you, and this is just a day like any other. To any random onlooker you would appear to be a couple taking sustenance after a marathon session of lovemaking, and Donaka ordered your favorite food made. It’s the sort of thing one does for a mate, not a captive.

For the umpteenth time in the past few days, you feel as though a war is being fought inside you, for your heart, for your soul, and winner take all. You look up to find Donaka is watching you from across the table. When you dare meet his eyes he smirks at you, before popping half a boiled egg in his mouth with his chopsticks. 

That’s when you know that maybe this is a pleasant reprieve, but he is not done with you yet by half.

*** 

He could break you as easily as dropping a teapot on a slate floor. 

He knows all the ways to mix psychology with physical pain to get what one wants. It is a game he relished as a younger man, but he finds he wants something else from you. Is he going soft in his older age? He does not think so, so much as his tastes have simply become more refined. 

He wants a game. 

Any asshole can bend a woman to his will with his brawn. But what he craves is a balance between defiance and obeisance. You are strong, and spirited, and taming your little spats has become one of the highlights of his day. 

He likes your fire. He does not like your little ideas about running away from him. 

He will chase you, but he doesn’t want to. 

Maybe he is getting old. 

He does not think he is capable of love. He never was–except maybe for his sister, a lifetime ago. The act of sacrifice for anyone’s well being but his own is utterly beyond him now. But he cannot deny he feels a certain warmth, when he thinks of you. Something cloying and addictive, that has slowly seeped into his blackened core like poisoned honey. 

Something more than lust. 

Whatever it is, it’s certainly new, and it’s been a while since Donaka Mark has found something that interested him this much. 

He will see how long the fun in this game lasts, and then he will decide what to do with you. 

You look across the table at him with those big eyes that take everything in, so bewildered yet daring to hope. He knows that you’re trying not to, but you are not built that way. It’s almost enough to make him wish he had a heart to give you. After reading your writing, he’s sure you could describe this scene down to the minutest detail later. You would make a good witness. 

Something to be wary of later, perhaps.

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-eleven

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: MUST LISTEN TO EILEY BY TOO CLOSE TO TOUCH! DURING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HEADS UP: there will be talks of suicidal thoughts throughout this chapter so please please please, read with caution.

Tags: @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake

READER

My feet took me almost in autopilot mode to the end of the hallway where the door urged me forward while my heart kept screaming at me to turn around; go back. The tears that gathered in my eyes were blinding me and I could barley see as I pushed through the door, quickly ascending the staircase. So many questions filled my brain and nearly knocked me on my ass, I had to grasp at the railing. I gasped for breath, my lungs being crushed by the weight of leaving him. His broken eyes begging me to come back, not to leave. But my own issues kept me from following my heart.

Why did I leave? Why did I fucking leave? Why couldn’t I just talk? Why did I leave him like that?

Those usually bright eyes filled with so much darkness and sadness, it made me stumble over my feet as I neared the door that led out to the roof of the hotel. The wind brushed around me in rapid waves as I came to a sudden halt in the middle of the roof. Even though it was four in the morning, the hustle and bustle of the city noise carried all the way up here.

Why was I so worried about a future I wasn’t even sure I was going to have?

My mind was clouded with images of Noah and how I left him I didn’t realize I was standing at the edge of the roof until my foot slipped. I cursed while steading myself on my feet and stared down at the passing cars. If I was being honest, I wish I didn’t save myself from falling.

As I stood at the ledge, memories of Noah and I played in a loop in my brain as the weight on my chest caved in. Two hearts that beat in sync but they could never be.

When he first stepped off the bus, taking all the breath out of my lungs.

The day at the zoo where he bought me the stuffed wolf; the one Trey tossed out of the bus in his rage.

Our afternoon at the beach where we had a heart to heart conversation, one of many, and it made me realize Noah was someone I could trust. He made me feel so free and alive that day; like the crow.

When he analyzed my lyrics that first night of tour in the green room and how passionate he looked.

A choked sob crawled out of my throat when the memory of the night we lost Keaton slammed into me. Then his funeral and how broken Noah was that entire day. I thought I lost him into the darkness that was grief but no, quite the opposite happened. My lips tingled as I remebered our first kiss, the one we shared that night.

I should have known how fucked I would be for Noah Sebastian from that moment.

“Fuck!” I screamed while falling to my knees, sobs plowing through my entire body.

My chest finally caved in, bones crushing into dust, as that negative voice that buried itself so deep within years ago continued to chastise me for my decision.

You’re a fucking idiot.

How could you leave him like that?

He begged you to come back. He wanted you to stay until the morning.

Did you expect him to be okay with never having a family?

What man doesn’t want a future like that?

I told you he wouldn’t want to stick by all that bullshit.

“Stop it!” I smacked my palms onto my forehead repeatedly to quiet the voices.

It didn’t work; they only got louder and more persistent.

I tried to tell you, babe. Being with him only leads to heartbreak.

“Just get out! Get out of my head! I beg, please, just get out! Get out of my head before I cave in!” I screamed, now digging my palms into my eyes.

I was absolutely exhausted and unbelievably unhappy. I hated myself and was so angry for what I did. Noah and I were so happy and to see him smile that grin, the corners of his eyes crinkling made my heart burn in my throat. The tattoos that covered his toned stomach with slight pudge in the center. Soft skin and a comfortable smell I wanted to be buried in.

A mochi. My mochi.

No, not yours. You walked away.

I ruined it. I possibly, could have, most definitely destroyed the best thing that could have happened to me, besides this band. My hands shook, my body, my knees were weak. I should have stopped by my hotel room to bring some alcohol with me on this venture up here but knew if Chase or Malcolm saw me, they’d want to know what happened.

Shit.

Everyone had to know by now what happened, I’m sure they do.

Oh god, what did I do? To hurt Noah was like walking on broken glass. I never wanted to hurt him.

But you did, you bitch, you did!

“Oh Keaton,” I sobbed on my knees. “I ruined everything. You knew him better than me, what would he have done if I told him the truth and stayed!?”

Besides Chase and Malcolm, Keaton knew about my secrets only because he was there when the pain was unbearable. He helped me through it. So now, in this desperate time of need and confusion, I called out to the one person who couldn’t give me an answer.

CHASE

“Fuck, what do you think happened?” Malcolm wondered while tossing on a sweater.

I quickly stepped into a pair of sweatpants then ran a hand over my buzzed head. “I don’t know. But whatever it was, fucked both of them up.”

His hands shook as he tried to type something out on his phone and knowing Malcolm better than anyone, I knew he was seconds away from his own panic attack.

“Steven,” he wiggled his phone. “He’s wondering if there’s anything they can do to help find her?”

“No,” I said a little too quickly. “Tell them to take care of Noah; we’ll take care of Y/N.”

She was our responsibility; we made that promise to her father years ago when he came to visit. He couldn’t watch after her so he entrusted us to. We failed with Trey; we let him burry his claws so deep into her and now we’re afraid that whatever happened with Noah we wouldn’t be able to get her back.

Malcolm realized that too because his hands shook and breathing became uneven.

“Hey,” I said softly while covering his hands with my own. “We’ll find her, we always do.”

“I know,” he swallowed. “I’m just-worried. She told me earlier that she was going by Noah’s room to hang out. I didn’t think-.”

I cupped his cheek and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. “Why don’t you stay here in case, she comes back. I think I know where she might be.”

Malcolm eased into my touch, emerald eyes glowing from the moonlight casting in through the window, and if it was any other moment, I’d tell him I love him.

He knew already, but I still liked to remind him.

“I love you,” he breathed a long deep breath.

With a final kiss, I muttered I loved him back against his lips, before pocketing my phone and slipping out of the room. I didn’t bother checking throughout the hotel for her. There’s only one place she’d be.

The roof.

Y/N’s always had this fascination with behind higher than others. She wanted to feel like one of the Gods on Mount Olympus. But I didn’t doubt right now, she felt smaller than a peasant in past Athens.

The door to the roof was open, cold winds blowing down the fire escape stairs as I reached the top, eyes immediately landing on a figure curled up with their knees to their chest, sobs being drowned out by the noise from down below in the streets.

Panic set deep within my stomach as I neared her. “Y/N?”

At first my voice was quiet, so I said her name again, this time deeper; louder as I kneeled in front of her. “Y/N!”

Her eyes struggled to open due to how swollen they were from her crying, mascara running down her cheeks and staining her face.

“Sweets,” I sighed with slumped shoulders.

“Chase?” My name came out raw, a clear sign that her voice had gone horse; from what, I wasn’t sure.

“What are you doing up here?” I questioned while taking off my sweater and wrapping it around her shoulders.

She was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Her lips were blue from the cold of the predawn air and she shivered as I rubbed my hands up and down her arms.

“Oh, gods. What did we do?” Y/N cried while falling into my chest.

For a moment, I didn’t move her although I knew I needed to get her inside to warm up, but I decided another minute wouldn’t hurt. She needed that extra minute to let out all of her pent-up feelings and doubt. Something happened in that room between her and Noah tonight and I didn’t care how long it took, she would tell us what happened.

I hushed her cries with a soothing hand to her back, cradling her, until the cries lessened and her body went limp against me; she must have dozed off again. So lifting her into my arms, I carried her back down the stairs towards our floor and as I turned the corner, our room only two doors down, I stopped mid-step when my eyes landed on Steven and Matt.

Anger filled me for the briefest of moments but I tried to let it go. None of knew what happened so it wouldn’t be right for me to get upset with either of them. They weren’t in the room with Noah and Y/N.

“She okay?” Matt asked.

I nodded. “Found her up on the roof. She’s fucking freezing and I don’t know how long she was up there for.”

Steven sighed while running a hand over his tired face. “I’m glad she’s alright; given the circumstances. We’ll let the others know.”

Not bothering to say anything else, I stepped between the two of them so they could get a good look at how broken Y/N was; blue lips, puffy eyes, and face stained with makeup and tears. Noah wasn’t the only one hurting, she was too.

When I knocked on the hotel room door, I could physically see the relief fall away from Malcolm’s shoulders as he opened the door, letting me step inside.

“Get the blankets,” I motioned towards the bed.

He pulled them away so I could lay Y/N gently into the bed, both of us covering her with the mounds of blankets; and a few from the closet. As I stepped away to let her sleep, cold fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist.

“Chase.”

My name came out broken on her chattering lips and I laid a gentle hand on her face. “Get some rest, sweets. We can talk in the morning.”

She shook her head. “No, I n-nee-need-.”

Malcolm sat on the edge of the bed next to her while I stood behind him. “What do you need?”

“No-Noah,” Y/N forced out through the chills her body continued to attack her with.

“Y/N,” I sighed. “He’s not in a good place right now.”

Her eyes glimmered with tears before they fell from her eyes in groves. “It’s all my fault.”

Malcolm tensed under my touch on his shoulder. “What happened?”

Y/N remained silent as she stared up at the ceiling for a few long beats then she turned over in bed so she could face towards us, clutching the pillow closer to her chest.

Now I kneeled down in front of her so I could look directly into her eyes. “You need to tell us what happened.”

Malcolm wiped away her tears as she let out an unsteady breath. “I asked him a stupid fucking question.”

“What did you ask Noah?”

There was a slight hesitation in her words. “Where he wanted to be in 10 years.”

Malcolm and I shared a look with each other, not sure how that simple question could cause this much damage between them. Y/N could read us like a book, from start to end, so she immediately knew what we were thinking.

“Noah said one day, he wants a family, a dog and cats and a little wooden house,” she explained flatly.

Then it all clicked into place, the puzzle of the night with that simple word; family.

That subject always had been a sore subject with Y/N so we never brought it up. We knew how hard she had to work for things, especially that, so it was understandable why she freaked out the way she did.

“Sweets, it’s alright,” I cooed while brushing the hair away from her face. “He didn’t know.”

Malcolm agreed with a nod while rubbing her back. “I’m sure if you talk to him about it, Noah will understand.”

Suddenly, she was pushing away from us and stumbling out of the bed, both of us watching her pace with worry in our eyes.

“You guys don’t understand the pain. You don’t know how he looked!” Y/N pounded her chest. “It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. This pain is the reminder, he is real.”

“Y/N,” I cautioned while rising to my feet and slowly walked over to her. “Everything will be alright.”

She jerked her hand away from me. “No, it won't! I did what I always do, Chase! I panicked and ran away. I so badly wanted to stay. Fuck, you guys should have seen his face when he asked me to stay- the crinkles, the cheeks, so sweet I just- I can’t believe I did this. I’m so damaged, guys, so damaged.”

I stood there frozen, unsure how to console Y/N because we’d never seen her like this; so broken. Tears fell from her eyes as her chest caved in with each deep, stuttering breath. As Malcolm pulled her into his arms, I took out my phone and typed out a message to Nicholas.

I know what happened.

MALCOLM

“Are you sure you two will be alright?” I asked while adjusting the bag on my shoulder.

Chase nodded while wrapping a protective arm around Y/N’s shoulder; she hasn’t slept since he brought her back into the room just a few hours ago. She was running on fumes, we all were, but I knew the long day she had ahead of her. She needed every ounce of energy she could find.

“We’re mostly going to pick up Salem,” Chase said.

Fuck, the cat.

I cringed at the mention of Y/N’s cat; soul as dark as its fur.

“I swear that cat fucking hates me,” I grumbled while leaning closer into Chase.

He chuckled while leaning up to kiss me, since I was a few inches taller than him. “I would say thats not true but we all know it is.”

Y/N let out a soft chuckle. “I’ll do my best to make sure he stays out of your guys’ room.”

I had to admit; it was really good to hear her laugh, even if it was a quiet one.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” I asked.

Her face flinched with my words but she quickly recovered. “Yeah, we’ll be fine.”

“Last call for flight 3E for Los Angeles. Now boarding.”

The three of us glanced over towards the group of people that were sitting in the same lounge we were. Nicholas was sitting next to Noah, who refused to lift his gaze from the chip nail polish on his fingers. Jolly was talking with Folio and when he felt us staring, Nicholas gave a curt nod to Chase.

Without Y/N noticing, he pulled out his phone to send a text to Nicholas. After we told him we knew what happened, we promised we would tell him everything; about Y/N, her condition, and why she left.

“Do you?” I asked Y/N, nodding towards Bad Omens.

She shook her head, not daring to look any of them in the eye. “I can’t.”

“Okay,” I smiled weakly. “Call me when you guys land, I want to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

Chase and I shared a kiss before I pulled Y/N into my chest, her arms wrapping around me.

“Thank you,” she muttered into my shirt.

It was hard for me to show affection but for her; I found it easier.

I placed a kiss on top of her head. “Anytime, buttercup.”

With a final wave towards the two people that mean everything to me, I turned my back and fell into line with the large group of others that were flying back to Los Angeles. I stood a few spaces behind Noah, who could barley lift his head up, the weight of what happened last night pressing down on his shoulders. Guilt ate away at my insides knowing that I could fix it but it wasn’t my place too. The part of me that needed to fix the bad with something good was overpowering. Any time something got too tense or awkward, I was always there to smooth it over with my humor; but this wasn’t one of those times.

“Hey.”

Turning on my heels, I gave a small smile towards Jolly. “What’s up, man?”

“You’re not going to Vegas?”

We both took a step forward as the line moved slowly. “No, I’m heading back to LA to get our new place set up.”

“Right,” Jolly nodded. “You’re only a few miles from us now.”

“Yea.”

Silence fell between us and I shifted on my feet, my anxiety about this whole situation suddenly becoming too overbearing. I felt as if my lungs were being crushed from the inside out. Knowing that someone I loved was hurting because of a choice they made killed me. I wanted to fix things. I needed to fix this. It’s what I’d done all my life as the middle child. I was there to fix my younger brothers smile when our dad hit him a little too hard. I was there to fix my mom when my dad took his anger out on her instead. I hated not being able to fix the division that stood between Noah and Y/N.

Breathe, Chase’s voice cooed in my mind. Deep breath in, long breath out.

“They’ll be alright,” Jolly’s voice broke me out of my inducing panic.

We watched Noah’s head lift finally from the ground as the flight for Las Vegas was called. His eyes danced around the room, searching for someone, but it was too late. Y/N and Chase had made it to the other end of the airport, their flight leaving minutes after ours. Defeat and possibly anger radiate off of Noah as he handed his boarding pass to the attendant behind the desk and grumbled his thanks before slipping down the long hallway towards the plane.

“She didn’t mean to break him,” I defended Y/N. “She’s going through something that takes a lot out of her every month. It’s a constant battle between what she wants and what her body needs.”

“I know,” Jolly nodded. “We’re here if any of you guys want to talk.”

I bumped fists with him. “Thanks, man.”

READER

There’s a thousand voices in my head, all saying the same fucking thing, and I hoped they didn’t take a rope around my neck.

Pathetic.

You can’t give him what he wants.

He won’t wait for you. He’ll find it with someone else.

I slammed the pillow over my head to smother the voices away. The darkness that clouded over my room did nothing to help the raging pain that pounded within the confines of my skull. Everything hurt and screamed for release but I did nothing. I’d rather let my body succumb to it than ease it because once the pain was gone, memories of Noah crept back in and I didn’t want to be reminded of what I did.

How beautiful his face looked when he asked me to say until morning.

How broken his face looked when I said no.

And how destroyed his face was when he begged me to come back.

Noah’s face haunted me every single night the last two weeks that I refused to sleep for longer than a few hours because I would eventually wake with a scream, his name echoing off my walls. The guilt of walking away sat heavy on my chest as I sat in bed, scattered pens, papers, and a fully charged laptop at my feet.

Rain pelted hard against the large windows of my bedroom and I sighed, knowing there was another full day of storm's head; figuratively and literally.

Salem’s soft meow broke me from my frozen trace and I picked him up from the floor to set him in my lap. He purred loudly as I scratched his head, letting the softness of his black fur calm my racing heart.

“I know Chase already fed you, stop trying to get second breakfast.”

It had been a few weeks since I moved in with Chase and Malcolm, all of us falling into living together quite fast, until the pandemic hit and forced us inside. I didn’t mind it, being holed up in my room with my writing and Salem, but Chase was going stir crazy. He was the social one out of the three of us, and knowing he couldn’t go out to see friends or even go for a hike was making him bang his head against the wall.

Malcolm, on the other hand, loved staying home. He spent the time writing music on his bass or baking bread. According to Chase, the first few batches weren’t that great, but he didn’t dare tell Malcolm that.

I stayed in my room most of the day, only seeing one of them when they occasionally checked in on me or brought me something to eat; like right now.

A soft knock on my door made me tear my gaze away from the page full of lyrics.

“Hey sweet,” Chase said while leaning against the doorframe. “Are you hungry?”

I shook my head.

Salem jumped off of my lap and scurried towards the light that poured in from the hallway, clearly having enough of the dark somber of my bedroom.

“You have to eat something,” Chase sat at the end of my bed.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. “I’m not hungry. I’ll come down and eat something for lunch soon.”

“It’s almost six in the evening, Y/N,” he sighed. “You’ve been up here all day.”

Shit, have I?

Glancing to the clock on my nightstand, I realized he was right.

“Oh,” I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”

Chase pointed to the papers in front of me, a silent way of asking if he could read it so I agreed with a nod.

I wanna feel something. That's not the touch of your breath on my neck. I wanna feel something. That's not the weight of your world in my head. And all the walls are caving in.

“This is really good,” he mused while handing it back to me.

I simply hummed in response, not exactly sure what he wanted me to say.

“Anything else?” I asked after some silence, keeping my eyes trained hard to the rain splashing against the window behind Chase.

His jaw ticked. “You’re killing yourself, Y/N. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Just call him and explain-.”

My eyes snapped over to Chase. “No, there’s nothing to fucking explain. I walked away from him, I hurt him, Chase. He won’t forgive me.”

“You don’t-.”

“Yes, I do! You don’t see what I see!” I pointed to my head. “Every fucking night his face haunts me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat because it makes me fucking sick.”

I choked on a sob as tears slipped from my eyes down to the scatter of pages on my bed. My cries drowned out the rain as Chase pulled me down to bed, letting me lay against his chest, the wetness of my mistakes staining his shirt.

Memories of Noah will always fucking haunt me; how devastated he looked as I turned my back to him. I tried to force them away by thinking of anything else but truth was is I didn’t think he was going anywhere, soon. I’ve done some things that I can’t speak and I tried to wash Noah away, but he wouldn’t leave. Although, part of me was almost begging him to keep haunting me just, so I had an excuse to see his face.

I think I’m possessed, that was the only explanation. He put a fever inside me and I’ve been cold since I left him in that room weeks ago.

CHASE

I walked passed Y/N’s door again; she needed to eat. She hasn’t eaten anything since dinner last night and that was a small bowl of cereal. It was nearly two in the afternoon and if she continued at this rate, she’d be a mess of skin and bones. I was supposed to be out with Malcolm but felt as if I should stay back. Something was deep-rooted in my gut that I needed to be home with Y/N today.

My knuckles raised to the wood of her door, ready to knock, but stopped when I heard that song play yet again. Y/N’s had it on repeat every day for the last three days, nothing else coming from her room besides Keaton’s voice.

Fuck, why did she have to torture herself like this?

I sighed, knowing this was going to be a whirlwind, and pressed my ear to the door. Her soft, broken, voice singing. Suddenly the music stopped for a few seconds before Y/N replayed it and got louder.

Who was she talking to?

“How can you say this was all part of your plan, start explaining?”

“I knew you wanted me to meet him! I fucking knew it! Well guess what, Keaton?! I did; I fucking did, and now look! Look what happened!”

Keaton.

I ran a hand over my buzzed head and quickly typed out a message to Malcolm, who was out shopping. Since the ban had been lifted a few days ago, we were planning a small vacation just the two of us in a few weeks and he was buying things we needed.

Well, as long as Y/N was in the right headspace, we would leave her. But with what I was hearing on the other side of the door, I was afraid our vacation would have to get pushed back.

She’s blasting Eiley again. But now she’s talking to Keaton, blaming him for her meeting Noah. I don’t know what else to do, Mal.

What sounded like something falling over and breaking made me press my hear against the door again.

“Left with this hole, six feet of dirt I can’t fill,” Y/N’s raw but powerful voice called out into the air.

My phone buzzed with a text from Malcolm.

We need to talk with Nick. There’s not much else we can do, babe.

I sighed, knowing he was right, and quickly sent a text to Nick to see if he was free sometime next week. I remember him saying in our Hollow Omens group chat he was flying back from Virgina on Friday to see everyone.

Of course, neither Noah nor Y/N would ever respond in the chat, not wanting to risk saying something to each other. Maybe if they did, she wouldn’t be talking to the ghost of her best friend.

“Oh god, it hurts,” she wailed and I could picture her clutching her chest. “Why did I do this? Why did you fucking leave us both like this?”

A loud thud had me taking a step away from the door, thinking she was about to come barreling through but realized she was throwing things against the door and walls of her bedroom.

“I’m no better than you! I fucking left him. He wanted me, all of me, and I fucking left!”

“Oh, sweets,” I let out a shaky breath, hands reaching for the doorknob.

“He was mine, he was mine!”

She was mine; she was mine!

I hesitated opening the door at what I heard. Did she? Did Y/N change the lyrics of the song so it was as if she was saying Noah was hers?

Something fell to the floor, glass shattering, and Y/N’s ear piercing screams dug the knife deeper into my heart and I slammed through the door, it slamming against the wall next to me. All the blood drained from my face at the scene in front of me; Y/N was curled up on the floor crying, a framed photo on the floor smashed to pieces. She was clutching a piece of glass in her hand, droplets of blood falling to the wood floor beneath her.

“Fuck, Y/N!” I cursed while sliding on my knee’s in front of her to snatch the piece of glass from her tight grip, slicing my fingers. “Oh, come on sweets, get up! Don’t-don’t do this.”

Fear of what would have happened if I went out with Malcolm dug their nails into me but I refused to acknowledge the pain. Not right now, I can think of the what if’s later. Righ now, Y/N needed me.

Hollow, sunken, and bloodshot eyes stared up at me through the tears that clouded her vision. “I ruined everything, I ruined everything! His face! You didn’t see it! You don’t know!”

Her ramblings had been the same for a month now, never changing.

“Sweets, hey, it’s okay.” I cupped her face. “You didn’t, you’ll figure this out! You’ll talk to him, he’s not gone for good, Y/N. He’s here, he’s here.”

It killed me holding her; she was in agony. She felt like she ended Noah for good. It was almost as if she confused her feelings of grief and heartbreak into two. Noah was alive, his flesh and blood was still awake, he was numbing but he was there. She needed to remember this; she needed to know the feelings she was suffering through had a chance to get better.

“He’ll never see me the same,” Y/N kicked the broken frame away from us but I could see what picture it held; Noah and her at the zoo while they waited for the wolves to come out of hiding.

Unbeknownst to them at the time, I smacked Bryan’s chest so he could take a few pictures of them.

“Just give it time, just give it time.” I said while holding her, rocking her back and forth.

A little kiss on her head. My sister, my friend.

MALCOLM

“Hey sugar baklava,” I knocked on the door frame to Y/N’s room.

She was sitting at the large bay window, sunshine brushing its bright rays across her pale face and dark floors. It's been a few days since Chase found her with the piece of glass in her hand and ever since then, we made it a rule that she had to keep her door open. We didn’t care if she continued to hide away up here but the door needed to be open. It might have been a teenager rule, but we didn’t want to take any chances. We already knew she was hiding things from us so this was the only way.

“Where’s your head at?” I leaned up against the wall while crossing my arms over my chest.

Y/N chuckled at the nickname but I could see there was no light behind those usual bright eyes. She’d been sitting in that same spot for the last day and a half; hair not washed since I can’t remember when, clothes piled up, notebooks out with a variety of lyrics scribbled on every pages and her laptop always had a full charge due to the plug remaining inside it.

Through the pain, she smiled up at me. “Just the usual, contemplating my fucked life and all its wonders.”

I inhaled deeply while stiffing up straight. “I know what you’re going to say, but you are more than welcome to hang out with us at Applebees later. They have dollarRitas.”

“Thank you, maybe,” she smiled weakly.

“I’m worried about you.” I sighed with concern. “We all are.”

Salem clawed his way out from underneath her bed to stretch wide in the one spot on the floor the sun touched. If it wasn’t for that furry little creature that hated my guts, I don’t want to think of where Y/N would be right now.

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured while holding up a granola bar. “Bring me back some tacos?”

“Deal,” I smiled.

Turning my back to leave, her voice called after me. “Mind feeding Salem on your way out?”

My eyes cast down to my feet as the black cat sat between them, dark green eyes staring deep into my soul.

“Fuck, Y/N. Your cat wants to kill me,” I shivered at the thought.

She chuckled. “As long as you feed him, you’ll live!”

MALCOLM

The noise of the city faded to a dull buzz as I set down my second empty margarita class and pushed away the rest of my lunch. We were sitting on the patio at Applebee’s, the warm Los Angeles air doing nothing to ease the shake in my bones.

“How’s she doing?”

I nodded towards Nick who sat across from Chase and I. “Depends on the day you ask. But after the other day, we’re watching her like a hawk.”

He raised a brow. “What happened?”

Chase and I shared a look before eventually telling Nick about catching her with a piece of glass in her hand.

“You don’t think-?”

“I don’t know what to think, man,” Chase took a long drink of his beer. “I catch her breaking shit then holding a piece of glass in her hand so tight she cuts herself? Thankfully, she didn’t need stitches but if I wasn’t home, who knows what could have happened. She’s playing with her health and I don’t know what to do to help her.”

“What do you mean?” Nick wondered.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “She hasn’t been taking her medication. There’s at least six more pills than there should be. And two extra vials.”

“What about Noah?” Chase asked, suddenly not wanting to change the subject.

He adjusted the sunglasses that was perched on his nose. “His drinking is getting worse. We want to be stoked because he’s written two really great songs but the alcohol dulls the excitement.”

Chase spun the ice in his drink with the straw and sighed. “Y/N has Eiley on blast until 2 am, hunched over in pain and screaming into her pillows. Writing at random. It’s killing me, to watch her like this.”

“Noah’s been playing Sympathy a lot too, while downing the bottle of whiskey and writing. A fuckin mess, man,” Nick leaned back into the chair.

“Can I tell you something?” Chase asked.

“Shoot,” Nick nodded.

“If fucking hurts to hear this but sometimes, when she plays Eiley, so faintly I can hear her singing. There’s a part in the song where Keaton’s broken as he says she was mine-fuck- I hear Y/N sometimes crying and changes the words-.”

Chase paused, trying to find the right was to convey what he was feeling and Nick tilted his head in wonder.

“He’s mine, he was mine. He was mine,” I finished for Chase, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get the words out.

“She regrets it all, Nick.” Chase rested his arms on the table so he could look directly at Nick. “I think-no I know, she loves him. Y/N fell for him so hard, and I don’t think she’ll ever forgive herself for leaving that room.”

“I know,” he sighed. “That’s why I’m on her side for this as well. You told me what she’s going through, it makes sense why she freaked out the way she did.”

I shifted in my seat. “Did you tell Noah?”

“No,” Nick firmly shook his head. “That's something you two or Y/N has to tell him.”

Chase reached for my hand under the table and once our fingers were linked, I gave Nick my best stern gaze. “We have to do something.”

For a long few beats, we were silent, thinking of ways that we could help these two talk again. They weren’t going to do it on their own; the needed help.

“We’ll shoot them both a text,” Nick began. “Same time, telling them to get their heads out of their asses, because let’s be real- they’re stubborn as hell and won’t listen to us directly. They need an outsider to call them both out to wake the hell up.”

“So what? I text Noah while you text Y/N?” Chase wondered.

Nick nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. They need help, they both do, desperately and they need each other. They’re just being ridiculous about it.”

There was a clear hesitation in my expression with Nick's idea. “You know it’s not gonna magically happen over night though right?”

“Of course not, but I have a hunch it’ll work,” Nick assured while throwing some money on the table for his lunch.

“What we need to do is get them to seek help. They have soon many unresolved issues, deep-seeded. They need to get help and get them to at least be friends again. They’re in love with each other. That won’t change, but the circumstances have to.”

READER

The pillows muffled my screams as I clutched my abdomen, the stabbing, sheering pain spreading through my veins like wildfire. Every fiber of my existence was screaming at me to stop the pain, make it all go away, but I ignored it. I needed to feel this; it was the only thing that made me feel anything at all.

Eiley played on a loop through my speakers as I spoke into the air above me.

“Choose me over him, I often wonder why.”

“How can I face him again, Keaton? How? How can I ease the pain, he’s mine. He was mine.”

Rolling over to my other side once the pain stopped for a few moments, I started at the basket on top of my nightstand. 1, 2, 3, 4, bottles, and one syringe. They just stare at me. I counted each bottle, and that syringe repeatedly. A reminder of the work it takes to make myself normal. A reminder of what happens every month like fucking clockwork. A reminder that no man would ever want to stay with me and deal with this alongside me.

“Noah would,” I muttered into the pillow that was stained with my tears.

Yeah? Well you ruined that, sweetie.

I’ve had fans ask me, “how do I keep myself from losing myself entirely?” All I can tell them is that it can’t rain all the time. I hide the pain behind a smile and slip into a parallel universe.

I’m constantly making a series of small holes in a row, mistakes I made in my membrane between here and there until an opening exists. And who can resist an opening?

So do I take the meds? Or do I lay here and rot?

I’ll take them tomorrow. It’s already too late in the day, no need to take them.

It was the same thing I told myself every morning when I would wake up and stare at the medication. The same thing for the last month.

Maybe if I stopped taking them, I would go back to my natural state. I could succumb to the natural order of things, or maybe the pain would be so severe I’d be fine with dying.

Okay.

No. Stop. Stop that!

The voices continued to fight with each other as I dug my palms into my eyes, hoping his haunting face would leave; even for a few seconds.

Maybe I could wait for the dust to settle.

Eiley started playing yet again and I narrowed my eyes up towards the ceiling. “If this is all part of your plan, Keaton then start explaining because this is fucking bullshit. You wanted us together, well fucking give me a sign it’s worth it.”

I stared at those bottles and wondered why any of this mattered when my phone buzzed from underneath my pillow. Groaning, I had every intention of ignoring it, thinking it was the Hollow Omens group chat of Folio saying something he thought was funny; most of the time it was. But today, the pain was so debilitating that I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

Nicholas: Hi.

I sucked in a breath, not expecting a solo text from him. I wanted to leave him on read because there was no reason for him to be texting me. What’s there to say? He's my friend, but Noah is his brother, why would he care about me at all? I hurt his friend.

But.

That one word weighed heavy on my mind as my shaking fingers typed out two letters back.

Hi

The bubbles popped up and stopped, then popped up again, before proceeding to another text.

I hope you’re alright, Y/N. and doing okay. I hear you moved in with the guys, a great idea and I’m glad you’re settled in.

That message I left on read only because I was hunched over my bed now, dry heaving saliva into the bowl that had a permanent spot next to my bed on the floor. The pain was becoming too much; like an animal with razor like claws were digging through my skin to be set free. My stomach was being ripped to shreds.

It wasn’t until almost an hour later once the pain and my screams of agony finally stopped that I had the courage to look at my phone; the text from Nick smacking me in my face.

Y/N, first I just wanna say this: it isn’t my business to step in or to make assumptions I know everything. I had a talk with Chase and Malcolm, and I understand to a degree what you’re feeling right now. I will admit, I was angry at you; you hurt my friend. Noah isn’t doing well right now, but he’s trying. However, I’m trying to remain mutual about this. I see what you both have; I see what you’re both capable of even if you don’t right now. He needs something; he needs someone stable in his life who can give him the comfort he’s been searching for; I thought that could be you; you acted as if it was. Maybe it still is?

Ten minutes in between this text and the next one.

I would never step in and say something like this to anyone, but because of our current friendship and the situation that’s in front of us, I had to. Because I care about you both. Noah deserves better than what you did; he deserves better than walking out with more questions than answers. But you deserve better than the trauma Trey left you with. My friend’s not perfect but he’s not that fucking guy. All I ask is that you dig deep and see that you can really work through this. Not just alone but together. Don’t be a stranger, Y/N. Please don’t. We miss you.

My eyes blinked a few times at the screen, wondering if what I just read actually was there. Everything Nick said was one hundred percent the truth. Especially the part where Noah deserves better than what I did. But so did I. I also deserved better than what Trey left me with.

I gazed back up towards the ceiling, a small smile pulling at the corners of my lips. “Thanks, Keaton.”

READER

When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. I wrote that fucking song repeatedly, a better perspective- a perspective of what I wanted to do that night.

I’ll face my fear of the cold nights

When you leave me behind

I felt your hands in my hair

I felt your breath on my neck

Yeah, I need to feel you again

Just wanted to say good night

Our eyes fighting the light

But I’m not ready to say good night oh

I try and hold on tight ‘cause it’s just not time to say good night

To say good night

One song completed last week and another one just needing the finishing touches. It was all falling into place; well, most things. All I wanted was for Noah to call me when he woke up. I wanted to be in his sweet dreams. But almost three days after Nick texted me, my phone remained silent. Nothing, no texts or calls from Noah. Which at the moment was fine because currently, Malcolm and Chase stood at the foot of my bed with their arms crossed over their broad chests, eyes staring daggers into me.

“The syringe?” Chase asked.

I nodded. “This morning.”

“Pills?” Malcolm then questioned.

Playfully rolling my eyes, I filled my palm with the variety of differnt pills and tossed them into my mouth, swallowing them down with the orange juice they’d brought up minutes ago. I even opened my mouth wide to show them I wasn’t hiding them under my tongue.

Malcolm physically relaxed but Chase wasn’t convinced quite yet.

“Did you call?”

I groaned. “Yes, dad. I have an appointment on Tuesday at ten in the morning. Did you want to drive me there too?”

“You bet your ass I am,” he narrowed his eyes before breaking out into a huge smile. “I’m proud of you, sweets.”

“Me too, buttercup,” Malcolm ruffled my hair.

I playfully smacked his hand away before motioning towards the open door of my room. “Feel free to close it on your way out.”

Salem meowed from his perched on the open window and I realized it was nearing five in the evening. “Oh, dinner time.”

I went to stand from the bed but Malcolm playfully pushed me back down.

“I got it. Let’s go, Salem,” he tapped his thigh a few times, my cat quickly following out of the room.

Chase watched with amazement in his eyes as I let out a lighthearted laugh, one that he hadn’t heard in so long, no doubt.

“What?” I asked, grabbing my phone that buzzed on my bed.

He shrugged before walking out. “Nothing, it’s good to hear that laugh again.”

Smiling, I looked down at my phone but nearly dropped it as I read the message over and over again. Chase noticed my face right before he stepped through the doorway and motioned towards my phone.

“Who is it?”

Mochi 🧋🥟: Hi.

My heart hammered against my chest and it felt like I couldn’t breathe, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering wildly with life I thought would never return.

“Shit, shit.” I muttered while showing Chase the message.

“Well fucking answer him, Y/N.”

“I- what do I say?” I asked as my breathing became erratic.

Fuck, it was like I was a teenager texting her crush for the first time.

“Start with a simple hello. Today’s the first day of you getting your life back in order.” Chase left a kiss to the top of my head before leaving me alone to my own choices.

I stared down at the phone, thumbs hovering over the screen, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

Do I take Chase’s advice and get my life back in order? Or do I remember all the pain and agony, dark nights where I contemplated ending it all?

[spnbabe67]

The Devil Wears Lace

Kinktober Day 10: Nude Photography (D.W)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem Original Character

Warnings: Smut, Oral (F. Rec), PiV

Summary: Tori knows how much Dean loves his Busty Asian Beauty magazines. So for his birthday, Tori comes up with a unique gift

Word Count: 1539

Authors Note: Title from the song The Devil Wears Lace by Steven Rodriguez

Tags: @zepskies @king-of-milf-lovers @nightxcreature @opheliadynah

When Tori found Dean’s stash of porno magazines, she actually found it funny, mostly because why did he hide them to begin with? She had been looking for an old spellbook in the back of their closet. He had them squirreled away in a beat up old shoe box and shoved it under a pile of blankets and flannels that didn’t have room to be hung up. She wasn’t gonna lie, she had sat down, flipping through the magazines, admiring the scantily clad or completely naked women photographed in the pages. A small glimmer of an idea planted itself in the back of her mind as she put them back exactly how she found them. She’d addressed the non-issue of him hiding them later, telling him he didn’t need to hide them, or at least not store them in the back corners of the dark closet like it was something to be ashamed of; he’d kissed her hard after that.

Her plan wasn’t set in motion until months later. January rolled around, and so did Dean’s birthday. Once all of their friends and family had either left or turned in for the night in the copious amounts of room in the Bunker, and her and Dean got ready for bed, Phase 1 of her plan was put into effect. 

“My love?” Tori had said innocently enough, holding the last present.

Dean’s grin was bright enough to outshine the Sun, and it warmed her heart beyond what was communicable with words. She could imagine that same ear-to-ear grin on baby Dean’s face. What she would give to go back in time and make sure that star-bright smile that made his green eyes sparkle made it’s way onto his face more often. She returned his smile as she closed the door, coming over to sit cross legged on the their bed across from him.

“Happy birthday, Baby.” She sat the neatly wrapped present on the bed between them.

It was funny, watching him carefully unwrap the present, removing the paper from the cardboard box. She suppressed an amused grin at Dean’s attempt to conceal his confusion as he saw the box contained a camera.

“I’m sure you have questions.” Tori giggled, grabbing her pocket knife from the nightstand, offering it to him to open the parcel.

“It’s great, Tor.” Dean said, opening the box. “But photography is more Sammy’s thing don’t you think?”

“I don’t think you want Sammy to be a part of these photos.” Tori said with a half grin, standing up from the bed.

Dean set aside the camera as Tori slowly unbuttoned the flannel she had been wearing. As her nimble fingers freed each button, more and more of her skin was on display. Or it would have if the black, lacy, Teddy bodysuit wasn’t laid across her body like lines on a map. She shimmied out of her jeans before sauntering back over to Dean, standing between his legs.

“I know how much you like your magazines.” Tori carded her fingers through his hair, tipping his head back from where he’d been drinking her in like he’d been lost in the desert and she was a cold glass of water. “So I figured we could make one of our own. Your own special edition.”

“Tor.” Dean breathed, brushing his hands up and down her hips and sides, leaning in to press a kiss to her belly. “You are incredible and wonderful and I love you so much.”

Tori smiled, pride blooming in her chest at Dean’s praise. She dipped down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before finding his lips. “I know.”

The next eleven months, they took pictures, sometimes it was when Tori decided to plan a themed outfit, like the dark red satin and lace set she wore for Valentines day, or the star spangled banner bikini top with incredibly short jean shorts for the Fourth of July. But most of the time it was Dean who pulled out the camera, snapping pictures of Tori fully nude, no make up, no itty bitty articles of clothing, just her, just the way Dean had fallen in love with her. 

When Dean’s birthday rolled around the next year, it was like deja vu. He got ready for bed, settling against the head of the bed. Then Tori walked in, that beautiful smile on her face that made her eyes light up when she got excited. 

“Happy birthday, Baby.” Tori said as she straddled his lap, holding up a rectangular shaped object wrapped in the same wrapping paper from the year before.

Dean perked up, taking the item from her. “Wait, is this?”

“Open it.” Tori grinned.

Dean didn’t wait this time, ripping off the paper. Sure enough, Tori’s naked form, photographed sprawled across their bed, flushed with that gorgeous after-sex glow. He grinned, glancing between Tori and the magazine in his hands, flipping through the pages. Tori had even put recipes for various pies, excerpts of Vonnegut, fake ads for his favorite whiskey, and even handmade coupons for free cuddles.

Dean set aside his magazine on the nightstand, wrapping his arms around Tori, pulling her in and kissing her hard. He could feel her smiling against his lips as he squeezed her hips through the sweatpants she was wearing. Dean returned her smile as Tori cupped his face, kissing him sweetly. 

“So pretty, baby.” Dean murmured against her lips as his hands explored her body, feeling the muscle contrasted by the perfect softness cushioning her belly, her hips, her thighs. 

“Dean!” Tori squealed in delight as Dean flipped them over, laying her on the mattress. “It’s your birthday. I should be taking care of you.”

Dean hummed against her neck, feeling up the curves of her. “You can take care of me by letting me taste you.”

Tori bit her lip as Dean pulled her sweats down her legs, tossing them away. He rolled the hem of her long sleeve t-shirt up under her breasts, heavy and aching, pressing a kiss to the skin below her belly button, trailing her mouth downward, tongue darting out as he moved southward. Tori bucked her hips up was his mouth made contact with her sopping core. Dean hummed against her clit as her hands made their way into his hair, holding his face against her heat. Fuck she tastes so good. This was the perfect birthday present, ending his birthday between the legs of the woman he loved. 

Dean moaned as Tori’s slick coated his tongue as he licked and sucked until he could feel her legs shaking on either side of his head. He gripped the top of her thighs holding her in place as she came on his face. 

“One more, please. Let me feel you cum for me again.” Dean practically begged, the only reprieve from the assault of his mouth on her oversensitive pussy.

He didn’t even give her time to answer before his mouth was back on her, his fingers sliding into her as his mouth continued to work on her clit. Tori moaned raggedly as Dean’s index and middle fingers curled up against her g-spot, pushing her hard and fast towards her second orgasm of the night. Tori was damn near paralyzed with pleasure as her orgasm tore its way through her, only able to push Dean’s face away from her sensitive core. 

Tori giggled breathlessly as Dean’s fingers glided up her sides, pushing her shirt off, adding it to the discarded pile of clothes on the floor.

“My pretty girl. You’re the best birthday present I could ask for.” Dean pushed off his pants, pulling Tori into his lap, letting her push his shirt off so they were both naked.

“You’re such a sap.” Tori smiled into his mouth as she lowered herself onto his cock. “I love you so much, Dean.”

Dean gasped into her mouth as her warmth enveloped him. He ran his hands up and down her back, feeling the muscles under his touch flex with every time she undulated her hips down onto his. 

“I love you too, Tor. More than anything.” Dean whispered to her, holding her body close to him, savoring the sensation of her moving on him, the way she made him feel. 

Dean tipped his hips up, meeting the slow and grinding pace Tori had set, feeling that tight pull in his lower stomach. He kneaded the plush at her hips, his other hand snaking to rub her already sensitive clit. The extra stimulation had her moaning into Dean's mouth, her peaked nipples finding friction against his chest sending jolts of arousal through her body. 

Tori gripped Dean’s shoulders to keep her grounded as her third orgasm had her feeling floaty and lightheaded, exhaustion chasing the euphoria high. Tori clamped down on Dean’s cock, milking him until he groaned into her neck, sending spurts of cum deep into her. Tori smiled sleepily as Dean laid them back on the bed, keeping his arm around Tori’s waist and on his chest. 

“I love you, Tor.” Dean murmured against her hair, stroking his hand up and down her spine.

“I love you too, Dean.” Tori pressed a kiss to his chest. “Happy birthday.”

[lovjiwoong]

ON MY MIND - wen junhui social media au

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭

pairing: wen junhui x gender neutral reader

plot: you had always dreamt of opening a cafe with your cousin and best friend, joshua and when that dream comes true, it feels like everything falls into place. that is until you find out that your high school crush has opened a gaming cafe a few blocks down. seoul sees you as rivals due to having the same opening date but you just want to find some confidence to talk to him. unbeknownst to you, he may be having the same crisis.

genre: strangers to friendly rivals to lovers, non-idol, bakery au, angst, fluff, comedy, mutual idiotic pining

warnings: cursing, talk of a past break up, friendly insults

starring: members of seventeen

schedule updates: every one to three days.

status: not started yet

release date: september

note: if you’ve read my previous sm au: when our paths cross again, you’ll know that y/n and joshua had plans of owning their own bakery / coffee shop together. this will come to life in this sm au but the friendships will be different.

permanent taglist: @honeyhuii @soobin-chois @fylithia @enhacolor @ja4hyvn @maiverie @bambisgirl @its-madi @i05wook @yizhoutv @joonsytip @l33j3n8 @nar-nia @lightprincess-world

general on my mind taglist: @minhui896

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭

✏️ = written part

profiles: cuppa cove | moon's gaming cafe

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eleven

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...more to come!

[aethon-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 23 ❄️

@hprecfest daily prompts running through Dec 31. Goal is to find lesser-known or underrated Tomarrymort works, even by well-known authors, to feature here.

*

Day 23: A Soulmate Fic

the demiurge, the leontoeides by @ramabear (E, 125k, WIP)

Summary: Thomas Gaunt reaches through the dimensions and plucks an eleven-year-old Harry Potter from his world and brings him home again. Why I rec it for this prompt: An absolutely charming story about Voldemort finding his soulmate across time and dimensions, and bringing Harry to a place where he'll be treated much better. We also very rarely see a Gryffindor version of Voldemort, so I was very excited to see that as one of the tags. Voldemort as a religious leader/figurehead-type in their society was also a really interesting take!

*

Running list of recs:

Day 1: Favorite under 5k | Such a Noble Villain Day 2: Comfort Fic | In Somno Veritas | Ouroboros Day 3: Podfic | a taste so good (i'd die for it) Day 4: Fic with Art | A Soulmate Like You Day 5: A Non-AO3 Fic | The Anti-Midas Day 6: Unreliable Narrator Fic | Anabiosis Day 7: A Canon-Compliant Fic | In Your Soul is Sealed a Pleasure Day 8: A Canon-Divergence Fic | Thirst Day 9: A Rare Pair Fic | dust in your pocket | A Breed Apart Day 10: A Fest Fic | In Your Image Day 11: A Dark Fic | As Portioned from a Whole Day 12: A WIP Rec | Lover's Spit | Revolution of Configured Stars Day 13: A Fic >100k Words | One Year In Every Ten | if we were lovers Day 14: A Favorite Series | The Immortal Duties of Lord Voldemort Day 15: The Most Recent Bookmark | Creatures of the Dark we are Day 16: A Fic that Made You Laugh | Make a Wish | Do You Want Fries with That? Day 17: A Fic that Made You Cry | We Still Have Time Day 18: A Fairy Tale-Inspired Fic | Until Midnight Comes  Day 19: Fic with the Hottest Smut | Prison Blues Day 20: A Fic Rated 'G' | Fingers Crossed Day 21: A Thought-Provoking Fic | on the other side Day 22: An Unfinished Fic | In Death, Standby Day 23: A Soulmate Fic | the demiurge, the leontoeides

[candelasobscura]

dorym week, day 2: "Maybe tonight he'll wander into my dreams."

Dorian laid in his bedroll, pulling the threadbare blanket tightly around him. He made a mental note to get a new one soon. It wasn't doing much in terms of keeping him warm anymore.

He stared at the wide expanse of the Exandrian sky, counting the stars and watching as an owl flew overhead.

Fourteen stars made up the constellation of Sehanine's symbol. Eighteen stars made up the constellation of Pelor's symbol.

Eleven stars made up the constellation of Melora's symbol.

He laughed at himself softly, holding onto the Sending Stone that he asked Opal to fashion into a pendant. Just in case he calls, he had said. Gods, he was hoping for a call.

Dorian felt silly, staring into space with a feeling of affection swirling around him. Something about star-crossed lovers and the like.

A soft breeze swept past the camp and Dorian heard a grunt of disdain from Dariax, followed by a loud snore.

Orym would have laughed at that.

Dorian rolled over in frustration, burying his head into his pillow. He didn't expect to miss a friend this much. Was Orym even a friend at this point?

He just wanted to see his bright smile again. The joy that would light up his face, especially back in Byroden. The feeling of being safe and protected, knowing that Orym was strong and able to protect the party at any cost.

A feeling of anxiety passed over him. What if Orym was hurt? Or, gods forbid, dead? What if Orym had lost the Sending Stone or just forgot to send a message?

Dorian activated the Stone. "Hey Orym, I miss you. Hope you're doing well. Tell Fearne I say hi." He took a moment. "I really miss you."

As he released the Stone from his grip, he was met with loud, screeching feedback that tore through his ears and seared his brain in pain. Well, that bounce back confirmed that Orym wasn't ignoring him, at least.

Dorian sighed in frustration and rolled onto his back once more. He stared up back at the constellation of Melora, hoping for any reassurance from her about Orym.

"Wildmother, if you hear me..." Jeez, now he felt really silly. "I want to see Orym again. Let him wander into my dreams. I miss him. A lot."

At that soft prayer, Dorian drifted off into sleep.

Maybe it was the will of Melora, or he was making it up, but Orym did wander into his dreams last night. He saw Orym sitting watch over Bell's Hells, one hand on his blade and the other holding the Sending Stone. Dorian watched as Orym said something to the Stone, and flinch as he got a response of screeching feedback. Orym looked into the sky, up at Catha. Dorian barely heard Orym's voice as he asked Melora to let him know that Dorian is okay, to let him know that he's alright and he misses him.

Dorian woke up the next morning, the weight of anxiety and fear about Orym and the fate of Bell's Hells lifted from his shoulders.

[all-eyes-lead-to-the-truth]

All Eyes Lead to the Truth | How the Ghosts Stole Christmas (6x06)

‘Twas the night before Christmas on Larkspur Lane;

Ev’ry corner held loneliness, sadness and pain.

The house reeked of sorrow beyond all compare.

Indeed, ‘twas a time of dark, dark despair.

For many a moon we stayed dormant and still,

Awaiting some guests to our house on the hill,

For this singular night, yes– the one night all year

We’d be given a chance to spread holiday cheer.

But as the clock ticked further into the eve,

We worried that there might be none to receive;

Maurice in his topcoat and I, pale and gaunt, 

Lamented a Christmas with no one to haunt. 

When, what to our wondering eyes should appear 

But two such lonely souls (also suckers, my dear)!

They searched through the mansion, as their flashlights beamed

For ghosts —but in truth, for each other, it seemed. 

Our grayed, ghoulish faces grew flush with delight

As they crept through the hall —how delicious a sight!  

Foolishly thinking themselves to be brave,

They were perfect, exactly the targets we craved!

The one with red hair, spouting theories a-flurry

Was doing her best to get out in a hurry,

While her partner (so handsome!) wanted not a thing more

Than to keep her nearby for just one more dark floor.

In eighty long years, I’d never quite seen

Two hearts locked at impasse like these two had been;

Denying their feelings, year after year

Out of loneliness, pride, and a good dose of fear.

At eleven o'clock, the grandfather did chime,

Giving we two just an hour of time

To trap these poor souls in their own lovers’ pact —

Like Maurice and me, there’d be no going back.

Maurice took the tall man; I, Lyda, the dame,

As we worked to uncover their secrets and shame.

You see, ghosts can’t do much but mess with the mind,

And these two were a challenge with so little time.

Maurice began prodding him– Mulder, his name —

To help find the answers he couldn’t explain;

Run down his issues, a glum inventory

(All of them paramasturbatory)

I, Lyda, found Scully, the lass of the two,

A bundle of pent-up neuroses, ‘twas true;

Her unconscious yearning, though present, was faint

For her partner, displaying impressive restraint.

I had to give credit, for weakness she lacked;

Resisting that man was a heroic act!

But… in love with a gent who would only see ghosts?

A lovers’ pact? Please. These two had no hope.

We considered retreating back up to our beds

While the agents ran into brick walls in their heads.

But something about them had told us instead

These two star-crossed lovers were better off dead.

(You might fairly ask why a couple of ghosts

Would decide to become such abom’nable hosts,

But ‘ere you judge us for what happened that night,

Remember: they trespassed, thus earning our spite.)

A wee little push, then, was all they would need,

And eventually they’d watch the other one bleed.

We’d need all our tricks, it was well understood,

To get Dana and Fox ‘neath our floorboards for good.

Getting him to believe was a simple first leap,

Then surely she’d follow, like a redheaded sheep;

‘Twas easy as shooting two fish in a barrel

Or singing a well-trodden old Yuletide carol.

With glee we did watch as they squirmed on the floor,

Covered in blood, all trust broken, for sure.

Our events set in motion that one day they’d see

How amazing a true partnership could be!

But then, in a twinkling, we heard Mulder speak

In a voice that grew strong after starting out weak:

“You’re not shot,” he told Scully, to greatest avail,

And they both got up, leaving our fine plan to fail!

Grabbing her hand, they took off like the lark,

Sprinting away, lost to us in the dark.

Maurice was upset, and I, Lyda, distraught;

Our scheme to turn foursome had all been for naught.

But the spirit of Christmas, alas, was not lost

As my love took my own hand, whatever the cost;

‘Twas a night to remember, although it was done…

What more’s there to say? Even ghosts should have fun!

Read the Rest of All Eyes Lead to the Truth on Archive of Our Own!

@admiralty-xfd

[a-bit-too-silly]

Haymitch and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Content warning for implied alcoholism/talk of drinking and withdrawal symptoms

Note: this is not meant to be Haymitch/Katniss! I just like little Katniss and cg Haymitch, but wanted to write from Haymitch's perspective :]

Also my first time writing for this fandom/characters so.. I hope it's alright.

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

He didn't need to hear Effie's lecture on the manners he was sorely lacking, nor did he need her nitpicking his choice of clothing or whatever else was wrong with him. Not today.

Saying he 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed' was an understatement. His head feels like he's gotten far too acquainted with a brick and his stomach feels like he's been knocking back a few too many of those 'special' drinks that the Capitol offers at their feasts. Those little vials will always be confusing, maybe it's because he wasn't raised that way. There's no sense to it. Regardless, a sucker punch would probably feel better.

Katniss was snippy during one of the interviews and he might've snapped at her after. It's for her own good, she can't be rocking the boat right now. Not when everyone is breathing down their necks, hungry for a snippet of drama, unaware of the uprisings said 'drama' may prompt. He'd really tried not to yell. Just the thought of more unnecessary sound made his head ache. But he had, a little, and that earned him a harsh glare from Peeta. Normally he wouldn't care, but on top of everything it was starting to break him apart at the seams.

Peeta was miffed and Katniss was certainly angry as well. Effie was already getting that tic in her eye, the pressure rising up like she's some kind of kettle. He can practically see the steam. However, he wasn't about to let her blow off on him. Instead he stormed off to his quarters on the train to nurse his headache and try to keep what little remained in his stomach down.

He's been working hard to get sober, really, he has. Headaches and tremors and nausea and the anxiety that never seems to stop. It's like his senses are cranked up to eleven, the lights are too bright even when dimmed, the train car is too loud, his clothes are touching him all wrong... everything is wrong. Everything is driving him back to his vices. He's seen the bottles in the cupboards. No one would notice if one was missing, would they? They're probably all asleep anyway. If he could just-

For better or for worse, his thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knocking at the door.

"I'm not hungry." He calls back, rolling over on his bed so his back faces the door.

At first there's no response, then he hears the door creak open quietly, the faint light from the hall peeking in alongside whoever has decided to disturb him.

"For Panem's sake-" he grumbled as he pushed himself up against the headboard to a reclined position. "What do you want?!"

Immediately he regrets his harsh tone. He assumed it was Effie or an Avox or someone, but no, it was Katniss. Not the usual Katniss Everdeen, not the victor of district twelve, not the star-crossed lover of Peeta, not the girl on fire.. this was a side of Katniss very few were partial to see. Peeta, of course. Probably Cinna and Effie too, considering how closely and constantly they're buzzing around. At first they tried to hide her from Haymitch, but the girl has never been one to listen to anyone. She does her own thing. But that brings the question, why is she here? Now?

Katniss stands there, peeking into the room at Haymitch with those big grey eyes. She's like a lamb. Shy and skittish and sweet, but still an energetic troublemaker when she wants to be. Thankfully for Haymitch's sanity, she seems to be the former right now. Granted, he probably scared her by raising his voice moments before.

"Haymitch angry?" She asks meekly, not daring to open the door more than she already has. Already prepared for a quick escape.

That question makes him pause, taking in a deep breath and resting his head in his hands for a moment. No. He's not angry, not at her at least.

"No. Haymitch is not angry, sweetheart." He says calmly, trying to quell the guilt of snapping at her. "Haymitch is just having a bad day."

She pushes the door open a bit more, slipping inside like a lamb through a gate, then she closes it behind her. The room returns to darkness, spare for the faint light from the windows and the glow of a few candles Haymitch lit earlier to try and freshen the stuffy air of the train.

"Help?" Katniss asked as she toddled her way over to his bed. Haymitch raised his head from his hands and gave a small nod. Katniss clambers up onto the bed beside him, butting her head up under his arms and comfortably nestling herself against his chest.

It's basically a practiced motion at this point, Katniss loves being cuddled as close as she can get. And Haymitch enjoys it as well, having his baby so close. Her weight in his lap and against him helps draw his attention away from the ache in his muscles.

And there they sat on Haymitch's bed. His hand gently running through her hair, her hands bunched up in his shirt. The sounds of the train slowly drown out as Haymitch starts to drift off, slumping against Katniss in his grogginess.

Soon after he started to slump, Katniss broke the silence.

"Sleep." She mumbled, reaching up to gently pat Haymitch's face, something he does to her when she's refusing to close her eyes. It does make his head hurt a bit more, but it's too endearing for him to complain. Haymitch slumps against her some more, purposefully mushing her just a bit. That earns him a playful shove from the little one. "Haymitch *sleep*."

"Yeah.. yeah.. I got it, kid.." he groans, lifting her slightly so he can lie down. She pouts, just a little, and curls back into him.

Despite the chaos going on around them, the bottles in the cupboard still tempting him to break, the whispers of uprising crackling with sparks.. despite it all, here is quiet.

He can make it to tomorrow. With his baby safe in his arms.

[hollygl125]

On January 15:

Am I declaring another GSR holiday?  Maybe.  Why not?  This is my Tumblr account, so I guess I’ll do what I want to do.  Is it already over in pretty much every time zone except mine?  Yep, that too.  (Edited to add: it’s over here now, too, by the time of posting.)

January 15 is a pretty significant day in GSR history—perhaps the most significant.   (Surely the first day of the AAFS conference would be in the running in the fictional world. But in the real world I’d say January 15 beats out most.)  First, twenty years ago, on January 15, 2004, we got “Butterflied” (04x12). Then, exactly five years later, on January 15, 2009, we got “One to Go” (09x10), the episode that really should have tied it all up with a bow (and, for a time, did).

Last week I made a GIF-set for Sara’s introduction in “Cool Change” (01x02) then a day or two later I continued my CSI rewatch with “Invisible Evidence” (04x07).  Inevitably I watched the (“Pin me down”) scene repeatedly before continuing with the episode.  I know season 04 is the GSR angst season (*insert “TM” I can’t type here*).  But, spending that much time with “I don’t even have to turn around” and “Pin me down” in such quick succession, I was particularly struck by the sadness of these two people having gone from friends (or “friends,” if you get my drift, of course) who were, despite the tragic circumstances surrounding their reunion, pretty darn happy to see each other to, in about three years’ time, colleagues who could barely have a normal, non-awkward conversation.  (See: “I’m always over-talking around you.”)  Viewed in retrospect it’s an enjoyable though angsty loop in the GSR roller coaster ride, but it feels really sad when viewed from the perspective of the time.

At the end of season 03, Grissom turns down Sara’s dinner invitation (“Play with Fire,” 03x22).  In “Invisible Evidence,” “Pin me down” aside, he’s kind of a jerk to her (when she’s concerned about the murder she’s already investigating, he gives her the terse “It’s not a negotiation”).  He lets her down again in the next episode (“After the Show,” 04x08), when he lets Catherine take over Sara and Nick’s case just because the suspect thinks Catherine is “the pretty one.”  Sara doesn’t know it until much later, but she suffers another (metaphorical) blow at his hands in “Eleven Angry Jurors” (04x11), when he recommends Nick for the ultimately-cancelled promotion to Lead CSI (whatever the heck that is) over Sara.  Of course, at the same time, Sara and Grissom get some ridiculous cuteness in that episode, as seen here, when Grissom makes a corny pun over a bee (of course a 🐝) corpse and checks to make sure Sara thinks he’s adorable.  (Newsflash: she does!)

(As an aside, on which I will possibly ramble more at a later date, I tend to see Grissom up to this point as a wounded animal—occasionally accidentally lashing out at his would-be rescuer, Sara—who is simply unequipped and unprepared for the situation in which he has found himself, so I think he is trying his best but does not really realize how deeply wounded he is.)

Then we continue on the GSR roller coaster with the beloved and angsty “Butterflied.”  CSI being a show about forensics, this really could have been the kind of relationship that always simmered under the surface but never came to much of anything for the presumably star-crossed lovers.  We know the writers planned to let the whole thing disappear after Sara’s failed dinner invitation.  But WP and JF liked playing the relationship!  (JF has, repeatedly I am sure, said it was her favourite part of the show!)  They didn’t want it to go away!  So instead in the first half of season 04 we get first “Pin me down” and then the David Rambo-penned “Butterflied,” which finally confirms (as we all knew all along!) that Sara does not just have some unrequited schoolgirl crush on her boss and mentor.  This is the real deal, and Dr. Grissom has been suppressing some deep feelings for the young and beautiful Ms. Sidle—really deep feelings, as seen in the original script for Grissom’s “Butterflied” monologue.

I don’t actually remember watching “Butterflied” for the first time.  At the time most of my attention was focused on my first year of [professional] school.  I was definitely a more casual fan and not down the rabbit hole (although I am the kind of person who manages to ship couples on shows she’s never even watched).  The first episode of CSI for which I have a clear memory of having an emotional reaction was “Bloodlines” (04x23), because I felt pretty upset by Sara’s almost-DUI.

On the other hand, I have a very clear memory of first watching “One to Go” (09x10), which originally aired fifteen years ago today (yesterday now), although I did not first watch it on that day.  I was in Pakse exactly fifteen years ago, or so my photo evidence tells me; so I assume I would not have managed to watch the episode live in Laos (I didn’t even have a laptop with me), but I must have watched it soon after I got home at the end of the month, and I was wholly unspoiled for the experience.

I don’t know whether anyone at the time had hints of whether JF was showing up at all for WP’s last episode.  (Fi?  Anyone?)  But as far as I am aware they all pulled an ER/George Clooney and didn’t let anyone in on the last scene.  (GSR has echoed Doug on the docks on more than one epic relationship occasion.  And yeah that song is so perfect that it’s on my GSR fic playlist for the first post-“Immortality” reunion chapter.)  They held JF’s name from the initial credits so as not to give her appearance away.  So there we were in the last scene, with Gil Grissom walking through the “Costa Rican” rainforest, and Sara Sidle still nowhere to be seen, and I vividly remember thinking, “Please just tell us he goes to Sara, please just tell us he goes to Sara, please just tell us he goes to Sara, please just tell us he goes to Sara, please just tell us he goes to… Sara!!!”  I’m in tears just thinking about it—I kid you not.

Anyway, I am sure that scene in Costa Rica is ingrained in the hearts and minds of GSR fans everywhere, but—just in case you needed to see another version—I made a two-part GIF set for it, which you can find here and here.  I think “Wild Heart” by Bleachers is a perfect song for Grissom going into the rainforest in search of his beloved, so it makes me pretty emotional (and of course “Unbound” by Robbie Robertson is a GSR classic).

On another note, this weekend I also made a season 04/CSIV GIF-set (not linked because it’s currently sitting in my drafts, uncertain as to its fate), and I have to say I find it really pretty remarkable that we got to see our two lovely science nerds go from a cute-turned-angsty under the surface maybe-relationship to a real relationship, to our awkward bugman going on a heroic journey (“from the isolated figure we first meet him as to the one who, when he leaves us, believes, above everything, in love”) and following his beloved into the rainforest, to places we don’t talk about (okay, I could have skipped that part), to sailing off into the sunset together, to being the world’s cutest old marrieds.  It really was a roller coaster ride, but I think it’s pretty special (and I feel pretty privileged) that we got to experience it all.

I’ll stop rambling now.  Usually I proofread everything I write about twenty times to make sure I haven’t missed any typos or accidentally written anything that could offend anyone, but tonight I’m posting this immediately before going to bed.  So, if you’ve actually read this far, please be polite in pointing out my typos, and please know that I really didn’t mean any offence (to anyone, on anything).

Those are my (very rough) thoughts; obviously your perspective may differ! 💛 Happy tumbling!

[captainjimothycarter]

Master of Time Chapter 1: Who Will Save The Savior?

Steggy Week Day 5 - Missing Scenes

Every moment he experienced in the future, he wanted her by his side. Every laugh, sob, somber moment, and smile - he craved her. She’d fit perfectly in the future, complete that missing piece of the puzzle. He could have what he’d wanted, his comfort, his past, and their future together. Why shouldn’t he? After all, he did control time. For once, Steve Rogers was going to make a selfish decision. He could paint his reality, his future, and bring Peggy along for the ride.

Something had clearly gone wrong through no fault of his own.

Instead of Sam and Bucky waiting for him at this bench, there was a vaguely familiar figure sitting there. From the distance, he watched the figure tap his hands on his knees. It was the same habit he had when he was trying to pass the time.

The man was humming something that sounded familiar too and that feeling only grew as he stepped closer. He felt a chill run down his spine as he finally recognized what the man was humming.

Star Spangled Man With A Plan.

It was a blast from the past to hear someone that wasn’t Tony or Natasha humming that annoyingly catchy tune.

He opened his mouth to ask the gent just where exactly Sam and Bucky were when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and instinct caused him to shift his stance in preparation for a fight.

This had to be a trick, right? Some ridiculous, foolish trick of Tony’s or even Scott’s. Maybe even Loki. He had to be looking into some Fun House mirror.

This couldn’t be real.

The figure on the bench was him but older. Much older given the wrinkles and gray hair. Someone who had lived a long, full, well life. Hell, they even had the same matching scars on the corner of their lips from the time he ran face-first into a wall.

He blinked as if that could erase what was in front of him, trying to wake himself up from this weird nightmare. This felt like he was looking into a cloudy mirror. Instead, his older self chuckled and leaned back, crossing one leg over the other.

It felt surreal to watch this, to see an older version of himself, mimicking the things he did.

“I don’t…I don’t understand,” Steve finally stuttered out, after searching for his words. “You’re me.”

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to be anyone else,” his older self chuckled. “Not after all we’ve been through.”

AU: Magic - @allcapsbingo, Time Travel - @multifandom-lover, Age Difference - @thebo3bingo

This is somewhat dedicated to @dirtydoctorwho because your post on Eleven/River meeting Steggy fueled this.

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The best metaphors retain an air of mystery about them: Why does a man wake up one morning to find he's transformed into a bug? What are the ramifications when it rains continuously in a small village for four years, eleven months, and two days? Why must it take a tragedy between a pair of star-crossed lovers to prove that love is stronger than hate?

It's this last one (referencing Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet," for readers not currently teaching a freshman English class), that's perhaps most closely aligned with the principles of Pixar's latest release "Elemental," uniting an unlikely pair of would-be romantic partners -- in this case, a young woman composed of fire, and a young man of water, who technically can't mix -- as a way of showing how people from different backgrounds (and compositions) can always find a way together if they truly care enough.

[naoa-ao3]

A Matter of Convenience

John goes out to buy some smokes and get's caught up in the affections of two star crossed lovers. The only problem is that he can't tell if they're human or not.

There's a level of equalizing that happens at a convenience store or grocery past sunset. People out for cigarettes and cheap beer. . . people nabbing up things they've forgotten and things they didn't know they needed.

Seven Elevens and Tescos, neon and fluorescent lights.

When John sets foot into one of the worst Tescos in London he can't help but feel a little irritated. Despite the late hour it's packed with people in various states of sleepwear and unkemptness.

He supposes though that that's just the evening crowed, the post supper rush and he falls into line behind a woman with socks pulled up over the cuffs of her jeans. He just wants cigarettes and is inspecting a bag of marked down crisps when a commotion towards the front of the lime draws his attention.

"Oi! You speak English, don't you?" He hears an annoying voice shouting at the clerk. "Said black one's, didn't I? Not reds you Paki fuck."

"Very sorry." He hears the clerk mutter, head down.

John rolls his eyes.

To do something or to not do something. . . he wonders if Shakespeare ever had to put up with any chavs in his day.

"You counted my change wrong!" Comes a fresh shout and the woman in front of John taps her foot impatiently.

"Bloody foreigners." She mutters. "They just let anybody in these days. Anybody except the whites."

John makes a bit of a face. "Right cause the local lad is so upstanding."

She gives him a dirty look and he knows she hadn't asked for his opinion but then he hadn't asked to hear hers and a girl falls into line behind him, a bottle of Coca-Cola under her arm and slippers on her feet.

"No, let me count it!" The idiot at the counter snaps. "One. . . two. . . see what I'm doing here?"

"Oi, it's a pack of smokes. Take it and go!" John shouts, he's been in line way too long, sandwiched between dim, fluorescent lighting and cracked linoleum tiles.

He can see the kid now, he's young with a half shaved head and a wrinkled Adidas windbreaker track suit on. He should have guessed though. Clearly not the most original fashion thinker in London.

"What was that, bruv?" The kid asks, spinning around to look at him. The poor clerk looks exhausted. "You know me? Nah I don't think you do so you're gonna shut up, alright?"

John rolls his eyes.

He shouldn't have said anything. "Just trying to get some smokes mate, before the sun rises."

"Well you'll wait your bloody turn." The kid shakes his head and snatches up his change and smokes with indignation before turning to the clerk again. "Bloody inconsiderate." He say's, gesturing over his shoulder towards John who get's angry but doesn't speak. The kid is almost out of the shop. He doesn't want to give him one more reason to turn around.

The bell dings and finally the kid is gone, the woman ahead of him get's her smokes and her scratchers and he get's his Silk Cuts at last but as soon as he's got a foot out the door something comes at him from the side.

He grunts and ends up sprawled out on the ground.

"What the hell?"

It's the boy from the shop, windbreaker reflecting light from a street lamp overhead. He's sniffing and squared up. "You don't talk to me like that, bruv." The kid say's, wiping at his nose.

John winces and checks his cigarettes. They're unharmed. "Right." He mutters, rolling over and getting up.

The kid shoves him again, hopping from foot to foot like he's probably seen fighters do on t.v.. "You need to show some respect. That's my shop there." He points at the electric sign and rubs at his nose again. "Got it?"

This is ridiculous. Some little punk is nipping at his heels over a jab in the check out? "Right, my bad." He mutters.

"That's right it is. Look, gimmie your wallet and we'll call it even, yeah?"

He snorts and shakes his head. "Look mate I spent what I got on my cigs. Don't have any more."

"You want an ass kicking?" The kid shouts, voice high pitched.

"No I don't want a bloody ass kicking, I'm telling you I don't have any money. Only came out for some smokes, didn't I?"

The kid seems to think this through and then nods, slowing in his bouncing for a second. "Okay, yeah. Right." He mutters. "Right then, give em here."

"Fuck no." John say's, stowing his smokes in an inner pocket of his coat just to be sure. "Piss off you little bastard."

But the boy isn't looking at him any more. He's staring across the street at a girl and it must be love at first sight because she looks like the chav queen. Her pony tail is high and tight and her hoops glitter in the neon electric light spilling out of the Londis behind her.

"Fuck now that's a woman." The kid breaths.

John looks behind him, can't agree although she definitely appears to be female and he shakes his head, thinking he might actually have gotten lucky. "You should go get her number." He mutters.

All fight forgotten the kid shakes his head. "Me, go up to a girl like that and get her number? You must be joking."

John fishes out a cigarette, still kind of disgusted by this evening's turn of events. "Maybe but what's the harm then?"

Whatever the harm is it doesn't matter because a few moments later three young men in North Face jackets approach them and his new friend turns skittish.

"Ah shit." He hears him mutter.

"Oi, rat boy!" One of them calls him and to his great relief, John is forgotten. Windbreaker boy turns, looks back at the girl outside of the Londis and takes off running down the street, disappearing down an alley way as the three new fellows take off after him, shouting threats and insults.

John looks back at the girl who watches with some amusement before shaking his head and heading home.

Christ, all he'd wanted was some smokes.

Chapters 2-4 in the link below on ao3 (Haven't figured out a good way to post multiple chapters to tumblr)

[therubyreader]

My Thoughts on The Hunger Games as an Adult

While this isn't technically a book review I'm still going to count it and link the rest of my reviews here.

I have rejoined The Hunger Games hype with the new prequel movie based on the prequel book, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, coming out this year. I was a huge fan of the Hunger Games books back when I was in middle school when the first movie came out and I forced my family (and then eventually my friends) into watching the movies with me. I know I read the first book in the series a couple of times since I owned a copy of it but I don't remember if I read the rest of the series multiple times since I didn't get the rest of the books until literally this week since I now have adult money. That all to say that I haven't read the books or watched the movies, in almost a decade, so here's just a quick compilation of thoughts I had while reading the first book that are different from my original perception of it as a kid:

Katniss is an unreliable narrator

I know full well this sentiment has been expressed by multiple people across multiple platforms but hearing it and experiencing it are two very different things. Though I learned about unreliable narrators as a kid, I was still like, eleven, the first time I read the book so I was young and naive and trusting of everyone. I genuinely didn't get the whole star crossed lovers thing because I trusted Katniss and because she was telling me that Peeta was also pretending for the sake of the game I believed it. Now, as an adult with more life experience but the same amount of romantic experience as child me (none), it is so glaringly obvious that Peeta was genuinely in love with Katniss the whole time! Everything makes so much more sense now.

The writing is... strange

Ok, hear me out before you come for me, the writing isn't bad per se but it does feel strange now rereading after an added decade of consuming more literature across different genres and time periods, and getting a degree in writing (kind of), it just reads weird now. Again, strange isn't bad, and I realize that I'm reading YA literature which is a far cry from the classics in terms of technique, which is fine because classics make my head hurt, but there were certain choices that were for sure made. For starters, there would be multiple scenes where Katniss would pass out and it would just go from one paragraph to another with no breaks to let us know time has passed, or multiple days would be covered in a sentence. Though I do get the stream of consciousness way of writing adds to the story and Katniss as a character, it just felt clunky to me.

Why is everything so fast?

This might be a combination of the movies skewing my perception of the book, the fact we have to cover a month in a limited amount of pages, and just run of the mill forgetfulness (because, again, it's been years) but everything happened so damn fast. I could've sworn that Katniss and Rue spent multiple days together before Rue died but it was only one which was bonkers. The training sessions lasted only like two pages, which again could be because of the things I said earlier, but for some reason I thought they were in there for longer. Same thing with the train to the Capitol and back, and I do get that we're supposed to spend the majority of the plot in the actual games but everything just happened so fast. Maybe it was a deliberate choice to make everything before and after the games so hazy and the games themselves very real and present, but again, it was just not at all how I remembered.

Gale is more irrelevant than I remember

Again, this is probably because the movies played up the whole love triangle thing, but Gale is only really there for a bit and most of the mentions of him are either memories or Katniss just thinking about him in passing. I know he's a bigger part of the other two books, and much more present, but he is just a footnote in the first book which I completely forgot about.

The violence?!?!

Now, I know what you all are saying "but Val, this is The Hunger Games, it's about kids killing each other, it's going to be violent" and I know that, but it just hits different as an adult. I mean, remember, when I first started reading the books I was eleven, to me it was just a silly little YA novel with a fun adventure and a romantic subplot, because again, I was a child. Now, over a decade later, as an adult reading how literal children are being forced to fight each other to the death for entertainment, the messaging of the story is very clear to me. I think this also made me appreciate it more in terms of world building and the morality of it which for me made the book more enjoyable. And I know that's strange, understanding the violence of it and getting rid of my childhood naivety and innocence, made my childhood favorite, better, when usually it's the opposite.

I think those are all my thoughts for now (haha), I have read the second book in between when I first started writing this post and when I'm finishing it but my thoughts on it are more or less the same. But! I can do another post of this nature in the future if you all want for Catching Fire or for Mockingjay which I'm about to start as soon as I post this.

[visualdialogue101]

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Las Vegas)

Bold - top fave

Red - character bases

Orange - children are involved

Green - strange but true

Color Bold - rp/fanfic worthy

Season 1

Tempting Bait

Cool Change

Crate & Burial

Pledging Johnson

Friends, Lovers, & Others

Who Are You

Bloody Buffalo

Anonymous

Unfriendly Skies

Sex, Lies, Lerve

I-15 Murders

Fahrenheit 932

Boom

To Halve & To Hold

Table Stakes

Too Tough To Die

Two Faced

$35K Op

Gentle Gentle

Soulds of Silence

Justice Served

Evaluation Day

Strip Strangler

Season 2

Burked

Butterfly Effect

Overload

Bully for You

Skydiving Suba

Alter Boys

Caged

Slaves of Sin

& then there were none

Fathers & Daughters

Organ Grinder

You've Got Male

Identy Crisis

The Finger

Burden of Proof

Prima Donna

Felonius Monk

Bus Chase

CSI Stalker

Cats in the Cradle

Anatomy of Lye

Cross Jurisdictions

The Hunger Artist

Season 3

Accused & Entitled

Revenge is Best Served Cold

Let the Seller Beware

A Little Murder

Abra Cadaver

The Execution of Catherine Willows

Fight Night

Snuff

Blood Lust

High & Low

Recipe for Murder

Got Murder?

Random Acts of Violence

One Hit Wonder

Pandora's Box

Lucky Strike

Crash & Burn

Precious Metal

A Night at the Movies

Last Laugh

Forever

Playing with Fire

Inside The Box

Season 4

For Our Country 1

For Our Country 2

Homebodies

Feeling the Heat

Fur & Loathing

Jackpot

Invisible Evidence

After the Show

Grissom VS Volcano

Coming of Rage

Eleven Angry Jurors

Butterflies

Suckers

Paper or Plastic

Early Rollout

Getting Off

XX

Bad to the Bone

Bad Words

Dead Ringer

Turn of the Screw

No More Bets

Bloodlines

Season 5

Viva Las Vegas

Down the Drain

Harvest

Crow's Feet

Swamp Meet

What's Eating Grissom?

Formalities

Ch-Ch-Changes

Mea Culpa

No Humans Involved

Who Shot Sherlock

Snakes

Nesting Dolls

Unbearable

King Baby

Big Middle

Compulsion

Spark of Life

4x4

Hollywood Brass

Committed

Weeping Willows

Iced

Grave Danger 1

Grave Danger 2

Season 6

Bodies in Motion

Room Service

Bite Me

Shooting Stars

Gum Drops

Secrets & Flies

Bullet Beats Rules 1

Bullet Beats Rules 2

Dog eat Dog

Still Life

Werewolves

Daddy's Little Girl

Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye

Killer

Pirets of the Third Reich

Up in Smoke

I Like to Watch

The Unusual Suspect

Spellbound

Poppin Tags

Rashomama

Time of Death

Bang-Bang

Wat to Go

Season 7

Built to Kill 1

Built to Kill 2

Toe Tags

Fanysmackin

Double Cross

Burn Out

Post Mortem

Happenstance

Living Legend

Loco Motives

Leaving Las Vegas

Sweet Jane

Redrum

Meet Market

Law of Gravity

Monster in the Box

Fallen Idols

Empty Eyes

Big Shots

Lab Rats

Ending Happy

Leaping Lizards

The Good, The Bad, The Dominatrix

Living Doll