#david you absolute menace

[bipolargreen]

Ok but for real…Crowley in that white uniform is the ultimate thirst 🥵🔥

[gf2bellamy]

hi!!! i’ve fallen back into a criminal minds phase and i’ve been binge reading all of your “secret relationship” fics and i would love to read a secret relationship fic but it’s basically told through each team member slowly realizing that spencer and reader are dating! but it’s finally confirmed when reader gets hurt or something and spencer is freaking out. maybe some light teasing from the team because they’re happy it’s finally out in the open?? omg hope this makes sense LOL!

signs — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: secret relationship, spencer thinking reader is hurt ( she's not ) , reader is drunk at some point , but the rest is just fluff a/n: hi hi ! i absolutely adore this idea <3 i hope you like this :) i feel like i haven't written a secret relationship fic in ages

Rossi: Rossi was in a mood.

It wasn’t often he didn’t get what he wanted — especially when it came to fine dining — but apparently, not even being David Rossi guaranteed you the exact reservation slot you preferred at one of D.C.’s most exclusive restaurants.

He clicked his tongue in mild irritation as he stepped through the entrance, the warm scent of truffle oil hanging in the air.

Ahead of him, a well-dressed couple stood waiting to be seated, murmuring to one another as the hostess sorted through the parties ahead. Rossi barely spared them a glance at first, too busy checking his watch and scanning the room. His date was running late — icing on the cake of an already disappointing evening.

He sighed, eyes flicking back to the couple in front of him.

And then he did a double take.

The man’s profile came into view as he turned to speak to his companion, and Rossi nearly choked on his own breath.

Spencer Reid.

Not just Spencer, but you too — standing beside him, completely at ease, smiling up at him as if no one else in the world existed.

Rossi blinked.

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, the profiler in him shifting into gear as he observed the two of you.

Spencer leaned in, saying something low enough that only you could hear. You laughed — not the kind of polite, professional laugh he’d heard around the bullpen, but something softer. Familiar.

Intimate.

Rossi’s brow arched. His eyes dropped to your joined hands — fingers lightly intertwined. His gaze traveled up again, catching the look in Spencer’s eyes as he watched you speak.

Well. That explained a lot.

Rossi was a menace. That much was painfully clear. But if there was one thing Rossi did best, it was push people’s buttons — especially when it came to secrets.

And so, true to form, he did what Rossi always did: He took the opportunity to be irritating.

With a mischievous grin tugging at the corner of his lips, he tapped Spencer lightly on the shoulder.

Spencer turned slowly, a bit confused, before his eyes landed on Rossi. You, beside him, did the same, your hand still gently resting in Spencer's.

The second your gazes met, Rossi’s grin only grew wider.

Spencer’s face went as red as the napkins they handed out at the restaurant — a shade of crimson that could only come from absolute mortification.

“Hello, you two,” Rossi said, his voice laced with amusement, eyes glinting as he looked between you both.

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, frozen, staring blankly at the older man, clearly at a loss for words. Rossi swore he could hear the mental gears turning in Spencer’s head, trying to process how the hell he’d been caught.

Rossi took an extra second, savoring the silence — the awkwardness. It was almost too easy.

Then, reality set in. The tension shattered.

Without thinking, you both let go of each other’s hands, almost instinctively, as if the sudden separation could somehow erase what had just happened.

“Hi—hello, Rossi,” you stammered, voice faltering in a way that told Rossi all he needed to know: You were completely flustered.

“We—uhm—” you paused, trying to put your words together, but clearly struggling to form anything coherent. “We just… saw each other by chance, y’know, in the city… and then we got talking and… thought we’d check out this restaurant.”

The explanation came out so jumbled and rushed that Rossi could barely keep up. You were stumbling over your words, clearly trying to spin a story that didn’t exactly fit, but also trying to avoid outright admitting what was painfully obvious.

“Exactly, yeah,” Spencer nodded—too quickly, too earnestly.

It wasn’t convincing. Not even a little.

Rossi crossed his arms over his chest, letting the silence do the heavy lifting. Then, with the ease of a man who had absolutely nothing to lose and every intention of stirring the pot, he asked calmly,

“So the two of you just happened to randomly run into each other outside one of the most exclusive—and might I add, most obscenely expensive—restaurants in the city… and just decided to walk in? Together?”

His tone was casual, but his eyebrows were doing all the work.

You and Spencer froze. No words. Just two deer caught square in the headlights of David Rossi’s nonsense detector.

Because the truth was so much worse than whatever lie you were trying to piece together on the spot.

Spencer had woken you up from a nap that afternoon—gently, of course, like he always did, brushing your hair back and murmuring your name. You’d grumbled something in protest, refusing to move. You had your head in his lap, perfectly comfortable, and all you wanted was ten more minutes.

But then he’d said it.

“I have something for us tonight. Remember that place you kept talking about? I made reservations. Months ago.”

You had shot up like lightning, groggy but very awake now, staring at him like he’d just handed you a golden ticket. You had been talking about this restaurant since before the two of you even started dating—back when you were still circling each other, just friends but barely.

And now here you were. Dressed up, excited, in love… and caught red-handed.

You dared a glance at Spencer. His jaw was tight, his eyes darting nervously like he was running through a mental database of plausible excuses.

Rossi, of course, was thriving.

He stood there like a man watching live theater, fully enjoying the slow unraveling of your carefully guarded secret.

You cleared your throat, nodded with way more confidence than you felt. “Yes. Exactly.”

Spencer turned his head sharply toward you, brow raised just slightly—as if to say, Really? This is the story we're sticking to? But to his credit, he didn’t call you out.

He just nodded slowly. “Yep,” he added, voice dry, “total coincidence.”

Rossi stared at the two of you in silence for a moment longer. The way one does when they’ve just witnessed something both deeply embarrassing and wildly entertaining. Then he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“You know what,” he said, grinning now, “sure. If that’s what you’re going with—absolutely. A total coincidence. Two colleagues running into each other at a five-star restaurant, in formal wear, with a reservation one of them booked months ago… Makes perfect sense.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. You were far too aware of Spencer next to you, standing stiff as a board, and the fact that Rossi had you both in a corner with nowhere to run.

“But hey,” Rossi continued, shrugging, “who am I to question the universe? Maybe fate did shove the two of you into the same place at the same time.”

He turned slightly, already starting to walk away. “I’ll leave you to your completely unplanned, not-a-date-at-all evening.”

Spencer muttered something under his breath that sounded like “we’re doomed”, and you could only manage a half-smile as you watched Rossi disappear into the dining room.

But not before he glanced back and added, “Order the tiramisu. It’s phenomenal.”

Then he was gone.

And you and Spencer just stood there, still frozen in place.

After a long moment, you exhaled slowly. “…We’re so bad at this.”

Spencer groaned. “We really are.”

JJ: JJ was late.

It wasn’t entirely her fault — Henry had launched a full-blown protest over the shape of his pancakes, and in the chaos, his tiny hands had knocked over an entire glass of orange juice, soaking her blouse and half of the kitchen floor. By the time she managed to wrangle a clean shirt, a semi-content child, and get out the door, she was already dreading the knowing look Hotch would send her way.

She hurried into the BAU bullpen, the sound of her heels echoing as she made a beeline for the conference room. The door was already closed. Great. She inhaled deeply, then pushed it open, words tumbling out before she could stop them.

“I’m so, so—”

She froze.

Just for a split second.

Her eyes dipped downward involuntarily, catching something odd beneath the table. She blinked, recovering fast, her gaze snapping to Hotch. “Sorry,” she said smoothly. “Henry was giving me a hard time this morning.”

He gave her a slight nod, and she slid into the empty seat across from Spencer and you. Penelope was already mid-presentation, clicking through slides.

But JJ wasn’t listening.

She was still stuck on what she thought—no, she definitely—saw under the table.

Legs. Not just legs. Intertwined legs.

Your ankle was hooked gently around Spencer’s beneath the table, casual and familiar in a way that made her eyebrows lift just slightly. She tried to shake it off — maybe it was just a coincidence, an accidental brush.

Then her gaze dropped to the ground again.

She “accidentally” let her pen slip from her hand.

“Oops,” she murmured, crouching down to retrieve it, though her eyes were doing more investigating than her fingers.

Yup. Confirmed.

Not only were your ankles still tangled together like teenagers sneaking around in study hall, but you were wearing matching socks. Well, not quite matching — complementary.

Yours had a little Snoopy in a Halloween costume dancing across the left sock. Spencer’s had the other half of the design — Snoopy’s pumpkin and Woodstock.

She blinked once. Twice.

Slowly, she straightened back up and sat stiffly in her chair, lips twitching. She didn’t say anything, not yet. Just opened her case file and pretended to focus, though her brain was screaming:

Oh my God. Spencer Reid is in a relationship. And it’s with you.

She stared at the two of you, watching as Spencer jotted down a note in the margins of his file and you leaned over just slightly to peek at what he wrote, your elbows brushing. It was so subtle, so natural.

JJ pressed her lips together, trying not to grin.

That’s when Spencer glanced up from his notes — and locked eyes with JJ.

He froze.

JJ wasn’t subtle about it either. She was staring right at him, one perfectly arched eyebrow raised — equal parts curiosity, amusement, and busted.

For a split second, Spencer froze—just long enough for JJ to see the flicker of panic in his eyes before he schooled his expression back into something neutral. But it was too late. She’d already caught it.

His fingers twitched against the edge of the file in front of him. A tell.

You didn’t look up, but he could tell by the slight shift in your posture that you’d caught it too.

JJ’s smirk deepened. She didn’t say a word, didn’t need to — her expression said enough. She turned her attention back to the file in front of her, but not before giving Spencer one last knowing look.

Spencer cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, trying to refocus on Penelope’s words — something about timelines and victim patterns — but his mind was racing. He could handle serial killers and psychological profiling, but JJ with a knowing look? That was borderline terrifying.

He scribbled something useless in the margin of his page just to avoid eye contact.

Across from him, JJ finally looked away, lips twitching like she was fighting back a full-on grin.

Two down.

The rest of the team? It was only a matter of time.

Derek: It was hour fifteen of a twenty-four-hour stakeout. Tensions were low, patience was lower, and the temperature had dropped just enough to make everyone thoroughly miserable.

Morgan was behind the wheel, spyglass raised to his eye, keeping watch on the darkened house across the street. Spencer was riding shotgun, his tablet balanced on his lap but currently ignored.

You were in the back seat, curled up like a sleepy cat, eyes barely staying open.

“It’s so cold,” you mumbled, voice soft and tired.

“No AC,” Morgan said without looking away from the window. “No heat. No engine. We light up this car, and we might as well wave at the unsub.”

“I know,” you muttered, wrapping your arms around yourself.

Spencer turned, glancing back at you with a gentle frown. “Your hoodie’s in the go-bag,” he said, nodding toward the floor. “And I packed some food, too. There should be—”

“Cookies?” you perked up immediately, already leaning forward.

Spencer’s lips twitched into a fond smile. “Yes,” he nodded.

You dove into the bag, pulling out the hoodie and tugging it over your head. The sleeves practically swallowed your hands, and you looked entirely too cozy for a car with no heat and no legroom. Then came the cookies—individually packed, of course, probably something Spencer over-researched before choosing. You popped one in your mouth, handed one up to him without a word, and then casually offered another to Morgan.

“Want one?” you asked, already halfway through yours.

Morgan blinked.

Slowly, deliberately, he lowered the spyglass and turned to look at Spencer.

Spencer tried to play it cool, but it was already too late. He looked like he’d been caught stealing classified documents from the Pentagon.

Morgan’s gaze drifted from Spencer, back to you—cozy in his hoodie, munching on his cookies like it was the most natural thing in the world—then back to Spencer again.

Spencer cleared his throat, awkwardly adjusting in his seat. “You should, uh… probably keep watching the house,” he muttered, gesturing vaguely to the spyglass like it was the most fascinating thing in the car.

Morgan didn’t move.

He raised an eyebrow. “You wanna run that by me again, pretty boy?”

Spencer froze.

Morgan leaned his elbow on the steering wheel, giving him that look.

“I’m just saying,” Morgan added, his voice low and casual, “most coworkers don’t pack each other cookies, hoodies, and act like they’re sharing a studio apartment back there.”

You blinked, finally tuning in, cheeks puffed out with cookie. “We’re not—” you began, trying to summon something that sounded remotely believable.

“Oh, don’t even try,” Morgan cut you off smoothly, his grin widening.

You glanced at Spencer—please say something that makes this better—and then back at Morgan, before letting out a quiet sigh and leaning back in your seat.

At this point, it wasn’t even worth fighting.

Spencer had already told you about the awkward moment with JJ in the briefing room—the look she gave him that had screamed I know something you don’t want me to.

And then… Rossi. And now Morgan. You could practically feel the secret unraveling thread by thread.

You had barely gathered the willpower to respond, but Spencer, in all his nervous, fumbling glory, was still committed to the bit.

“Well, I do,” he blurted suddenly, making both you and Morgan pause. “The cookies—they’re not just for her.”

Your mouth fell open, eyes widening in offense as you turned to stare at him.

Spencer didn’t look back. He just kept talking, rambling now, hands flailing slightly like he was in a debate with himself. “They’re for all of us. I brought enough for the team. It’s not—this isn’t a… it’s not what it looks like.”

Morgan raised his eyebrows. “Mmhmm.”

You slowly turned back around in your seat, chewing the rest of your cookie with exaggerated drama, then crossed your arms in silent betrayal.

Later that night, back in the warmth of the hotel room, Spencer had just barely finished brushing his teeth when he noticed you sitting on the edge of the bed with your arms still crossed.

“You’re mad,” he said, cautiously, towel draped over his shoulder.

You didn’t answer.

“Oh,” he blinked. “Still mad.”

You picked up your toothbrush in silence and marched into the bathroom like a woman on a mission. Spencer watched you go with a soft frown, then padded in after you, leaning on the doorframe as you aggressively brushed your teeth.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he said gently.

Still brushing. Still ignoring him.

“…Okay, fair,” he added, “but I panicked. Morgan was looking at me with that look—the one that means he already knows and he’s just waiting for me to confirm it with a twitch of my eyebrow.”

You spit out the toothpaste, rinsed your mouth, and glared at him through the mirror.

“You said the cookies weren’t for me.”

“They were for you,” he tried.

You narrowed your eyes.

Spencer took a step closer, wrapping his arms lightly around your waist from behind. “I also packed the hoodie. And your favorite brand of gum. And that weird off-brand protein bar you pretend to like.”

You stared at his reflection, unmoved.

He leaned down, pressing a kiss just under your ear. Then another. And another. Soft, slow, and annoyingly effective.

You tried not to smile. You really tried.

But by the time he was kissing along your jaw, you caved—letting out a small, breathy laugh as you shook your head.

“That was so rude, though.”

“I know,” he mumbled against your skin. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better,” you said, finally turning in his arms. “Or next time, I’m telling Morgan that the cookies definitely weren’t for him.”

Spencer laughed quietly, his nose bumping yours. “Okay. Fair.”

And just like that, the cookie betrayal was forgiven.

Garcia: Sometimes, boredom took over Garcia. And when Garcia was bored, it usually meant she was… poking around.

A little innocent internet rabbit hole here, a little harmless people-tracking there—y’know, just casual hacking using elite-level skills that probably violated several federal privacy laws. But whatever. She called it “passive wellness checks.”

So when the team was on a stakeout and she wasn’t directly needed, Garcia let her curiosity wander. Just a bit. She wasn’t looking for anything specific, but her fingers flew across the keys anyway.

A few clicks led to hotel reservation databases—normal stuff. She was just checking to make sure no one had booked a suspicious room under a weird alias like “John Smith” or “Not A Criminal.” That was all.

Then she paused.

Two reservations at the hotel. Standard. One under Spencer’s name. The other…

“Wait a sparkly second,” Garcia whispered, squinting at the screen.

Your name was right there, listed just one room number away from Spencer’s. Which wasn’t shocking in itself. The team often had rooms near each other. But—

Garcia’s eyes narrowed.

The hotel’s internal system allowed for some… minor enhancements. She tapped a few keys. There it was: a timestamp from housekeeping. Your room hadn’t been accessed in over 30 hours. Spencer’s had been accessed twice as often.

And the kicker? Two key cards had been used.

“Oh?” she whispered, eyebrows raising.

She double-clicked. The details popped up. Same check-in time. Same check-out. Shared billing. One queen bed.

Garcia sat back in her chair, blinking at the screen.

“Oh, my God.”

She clapped a hand over her mouth.

Oh. My. God.

The realization hit her like a freight train dressed in glitter and secrets.

You and Spencer.

She stood up so fast her chair rolled backwards and bumped into the wall.

“Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God,” she whispered in rapid succession, pacing in a tight little circle like her office was suddenly too small for the sheer scope of this revelation.

You and Spencer. Together. Secretly. Sleeping in the same room.

She made a small sound that could only be described as a gasp crossed with a squeal.

“I knew it,” she hissed, stabbing a glittery-painted finger at her monitor like it had betrayed her. “I knew something was going on. And Derek said I was imagining things. He said I had ‘conspiracy brain.’ ”

She spun around, snatching her phone off the desk. Her first instinct was to call you immediately and yell “How dare you keep this from me, I am your godmother in all things love and codependency”— but she paused, phone hovering mid-air.

Now, Penelope Garcia was many things: a tech queen, a fashion icon, an unapologetic drama enthusiast. She was also a terribly curious person who thrived off of a good love story, especially if it involved people she adored. Which this did. This was the pinnacle of gossip. The golden egg of secrets.

But.

She frowned, slowly lowering the phone to her desk.

But she also loved you. And she loved Spencer. And as much as she wanted to burst into your hotel room with a confetti cannon and matching t-shirts, she knew how private Spencer was. And how gentle you were with your heart.

Maybe—just maybe—this wasn’t her secret to explode.

“Ugh,” she groaned dramatically, tossing herself into her chair. “Why do I have to be so emotionally evolved?”

She stared at her screen. The room access logs, the billing details, the clear-as-day evidence of romantic entanglement. Her fingers hovered over the delete key, then paused. No, she wasn’t deleting anything. Not yet. She was just… letting it simmer. For safekeeping.

She flopped her head back and sighed deeply, like she was in a soap opera.

“I’m not gonna blow it up,” she whispered to herself. “I’m gonna be cool. Chill. Under control. A vault.”

A beat of silence.

“But I am dying inside.”

She clutched her chest and sank lower into her chair, muttering to herself.

“Y’all better tell me yourselves or I swear to God, I will hack your text history, compile a dramatic slideshow of your relationship timeline, and set it to Celine Dion. With glitter transitions.”

With that vow silently made , she took a deep breath, sat up straight, and went back to her screen—though every once in a while, she let out a tiny squeak of excitement, unable to keep the joy completely contained.

Because this was happening.

And if no one else had said it yet—she was so, so happy for you both.

Hotch: The evening was supposed to be a simple gathering at Rossi’s place—nothing too elaborate, just a way to unwind after a tough case.

You had no intention of getting drunk, but here you were, swaying on your feet with a cup of water in your hand, courtesy of Spencer.

It had all started innocently enough, just some light conversation with Garcia, but somehow, between the laughter, the teasing, and the drinks, you'd lost track of the evening. And now, you were definitely feeling it.

You'd been walking around Rossi's house, or at least trying to walk. "Walking" was a generous term considering how much you were swaying side to side, trying not to trip over your own feet.

Spencer had been eyeing you all evening, a mixture of concern and affection on his face, pushing water into your hands every time you seemed to lose focus or reach for another drink. You hadn’t even realized you were still holding the water glass until you stumbled into Hotch in front of a set of pictures on the wall.

“Hi, boss,” you mumbled, your words dragging a bit more than you intended.

Hotch looked at you with a slight frown, his brow furrowing as he processed your greeting. But then he noticed the way you were swaying slightly on your feet, your eyes glassy, and he didn't press the matter. Instead, he looked at your glass of water, which was still almost full.

“You should finish that,” he suggested with a small nod, his voice laced with that familiar tone of concern.

You glanced at the glass in your hand, then back up at him, furrowing your brows as if the glass was a mystery you couldn’t solve.

"Right… yes, I should," you muttered, a little confused as to how it even ended up in your hand in the first place.

“Spencer gave me this,” you suddenly remembered, nodding as if that explanation made perfect sense.

Hotch gave you an amused look, his lips curling slightly. "Yes, he did," he confirmed, taking a sip from his own drink.

You stared at the water in your hand for a moment, then your expression shifted as a realization hit you. “You know, it’s surprising you haven’t noticed yet,” you slurred a bit, your words coming out slower than usual.

Hotch raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Noticed what exactly?"

You nodded toward the room, your gaze catching Rossi across the way. "Pretty sure everyone else has,” you continued, the words slipping out of your mouth before you could stop them. “Or at least Rossi did.”

You took a sip of water and let out a sigh. “God, that was embarrassing.”

Hotch stared at you for a moment, looking between you and Rossi across the room. “Noticed what?” he asked, genuinely curious now.

Before you could finish your sentence, Spencer suddenly appeared at your side. His eyes flicked from you to Hotch with a mix of frustration and concern.

“There you are,” Spencer said, his voice carrying a hint of relief as he took in your unsteady stance. He had lost sight of you a few minutes ago and, naturally, had come to check on you.

You blinked up at Spencer, a wide grin spreading across your face. “Spence, I was just telling Hotch that you and I are—”

Spencer immediately cut you off, his voice strained but trying to keep it light. “Okay, we are getting you sobered up.” The red creeping up his neck was unmistakable as he quickly stepped in front of you, placing his hand firmly on your lower back to steer you away from Hotch.

You started to protest. “But—”

“Sorry,” Spencer mumbled, barely glancing at Hotch before he gently but firmly guided you away, his hand resting on your back with a soft pressure.

Hotch stood still for a moment, his gaze following you both. He couldn’t help but notice the way Spencer’s hand lingered on your lower back—how his fingers were splayed out, with his thumb lightly brushing the fabric of your shirt as he led you away.

Hotch's expression was unreadable, but there was an unmistakable flicker of realization in his eyes. He had caught the subtle gesture, and as much as he had his suspicions, seeing it in action made everything that much more clear.

As you two started to move away, Hotch took another long sip from his drink, his lips curling into a knowing, half-amused smile. He glanced over at Rossi, who was now watching the scene with mild interest.

Spencer was already doing his best to get you out of the room, though he couldn't completely mask the fact that he was desperately trying to keep you from saying anything else.

“Come on, let’s just get you some water and air,” Spencer said, his voice low but kind, steering you gently away.

And you—completely oblivious to everything going on—continued to smile up at him, grinning like you had just won some secret game, unaware of the small reveal that had just unfolded.

Everyone: It all came to light in a way no one expected.

It wasn’t a serious injury, not by any means, but it might as well have been the way Spencer reacted. You had been outside when the unsub started shooting. Thankfully, no one was directly hurt.

But a bullet grazed your vest, knocking the air from your lungs for a few seconds. That small hit was enough to send Spencer spiraling.

Morgan was quick to catch the unsub, who, thankfully, gave up without much resistance. As Morgan shoved the suspect into one of the waiting police cars, Spencer was already rushing toward you, his panic evident in the quick, almost frantic way he approached.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice almost cracking, his hands reaching to cradle your face.

The team was quiet. Everyone stood still, frozen in place, as they watched Spencer examine you, his fingers gently brushing over your cheek and jaw, ensuring there was no injury. Morgan glanced over his shoulder, pausing in the middle of cuffing the unsub, but didn’t say anything. Everyone seemed to hold their breath.

You reached up, placing your hands on Spencer’s wrists to steady him, your voice soft, trying to ease his panic. “Spence, hey… I’m fine.”

Spencer froze. His eyes, wide and frantic, softened a fraction as your words registered. He blinked a few times, taking a step back to fully absorb what you were saying, but before he could form a proper response, his body seemed to move of its own accord. Without thinking, he pulled you into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around you protectively.

And then, in a gesture so tender, so full of emotion, he kissed your cheek and temple, his lips lingering for a moment longer than anyone would’ve expected.

The entire team stood there, mouths wide open, watching in stunned silence.

Hotch raised an eyebrow, exchanging a glance with Rossi, who gave a barely perceptible nod. JJ’s hand instinctively went to her mouth, her eyes wide with surprise. Even Morgan couldn’t help but chuckle softly under his breath, realizing the truth now stood out in the open for everyone to see.

You slowly pulled back from the hug, your hand lingering on Spencer’s arm as you gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Spencer,” you repeated softly, trying to calm him down even though you could see the worry still etched on his face.

That’s when you heard Morgan’s voice, teasing yet amused. “Well, that’s one way to make it official,” he said with a smirk.

Spencer and you both turned slowly, your eyes wide as you took in the entire team watching you.

Their expressions ranged from surprise to amusement, but one thing was clear: they were all in on it now.

Spencer opened his mouth, probably to try and brush it off, but he quickly faltered. “Uh, she’s okay,” he muttered, the words awkward and forced as he cleared his throat.

Rossi shook his head in amusement. “Well, yeah, kid, you made sure of that,” he said, his voice teasing but warm. He raised a hand, gesturing between the two of you. “With your kisses.”

The entire team erupted into chuckles, a few low whistles coming from Morgan. Even Hotch couldn’t help but give a small, almost imperceptible smirk, his usual stoic demeanor faltering just a bit.

JJ, her eyes still wide with surprise, was the first to speak up. “Well, I have to say, that’s one way to make your relationship… very clear,” she teased gently, her smile soft.

You could feel the heat creeping up your neck, and Spencer was no better off. He shifted nervously, his hands fumbling slightly at his sides as he looked around at his teammates, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Well, at least it’s finally out in the open,” you said with a small laugh, nudging Spencer’s side gently. “No more secrets.”

Rossi clapped Spencer on the back with a grin. “Finally,” he said. “Took you two long enough, but it’s nice to see you finally let us in on it.”

The teasing continued, but it wasn’t mean-spirited. The team was genuinely happy for you both.

Later that day, as you and Spencer walked into the bullpen hand-in-hand, you could hear Garcia’s voice echoing from the other side of the building.

"I knew it!" she screeched, her voice loud enough to make everyone within a 10-foot radius turn their heads.

"I knew something was going on between you two!"

[definitelynothim-notalex]

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Lost Boys + Star + Michael x Reader | Towel Trend TikTok Headcanons (You should all know what trend I'm talking about)

David:

- Sees you standing there in just a towel and immediately stiffens.

- The moment you start peeling it down, he teleports across the room and yanks it back up.

- “The fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

- Turns into a possessive menace for the rest of the night.

- Deletes the video off your phone.

Dwayne:

- Eyes go wide for a second but stays cool.

- As soon as you start lowering the towel, he calmly walks up behind you and wraps his jacket around you like, “Not happening, sweetheart.”

- Lowkey amused you even tried it on him.

Marko:

- Loses his MIND.

- “HOLY SHIT—BABE, WHAT?!”

- Tackles you to the couch while laughing like an idiot.

- “Not letting TikTok see what’s mine!”

- Rewatches the video 15 times just to see his own reaction.

Paul:

- Starts hooting and hollering like he’s at a strip club.

- “Daaaamn, baby!”

- But the second it looks like you’ll actually drop it?

- “WHOA WHOA WHOA—NOPE!” and pulls you into his lap, towel and all.

- Wants a private show later though.

Michael:

- Gets immediately flustered.

- Face red as hell, tries to act chill.

- “You—you better not be filming this for real.”

- Rushes over and pulls the towel back up, totally panicking.

- “Only I get to see that, okay?!”

Star:

- Smirks knowingly from the start.

- Watches the boys lose their shit with total satisfaction.

- “You guys are so predictable.”

- Joins you in making a duo towel video later just to torment them all.

You:

- Living for the chaos.

- Laughing your ass off while they scramble.

- Absolutely planning the next trend to mess with them.

---

[dani-ya-dig]

Love the David and Darlin siblings thing. Love older brother David I really do… but consider…

Older sibling Darlin and protective younger brother David???

I have thoughts and hcs below the cut 🤭

•First thing out of the way David and Darlin would absolutely get into knock-down drag out screaming match fights that end in multiple doors being slammed, and then after a few hours Darlin would knock on David’s door and ask if he wanted to go to Seven Eleven as an apology

•David of course says yes and he gets the choose the music they listen to on the drive over

•Darlin acts like David is the annoying little sibling trope of coming in your room and messing with all your stuff, and leaving the door open on the way out. Darlin is the one who actually does that.

•David holds no reservations about snitching on Darlin to Gabe. Don’t get him wrong, he can keep a secret if he really doesn’t see any harm in it. But the second that secret is something potentially dangerous to Darlin (or if he is pissed at them), it’s suddenly “DAAAAADDDD!”

•One time Darlin was sneaking out to a house party, and David caught them on their way out. He couldn’t tell it was going to be bad news but they asked him not to tell Gabe, and letting them leave was easier than getting into a fight about it. Before Darlin could even make it half way to the party they get a call from Gabe telling them to get their dumbass home.

•When Darlin did get home both Gabe and David were sitting in the living room waiting for them with disappointed looks on their face. Rather than trying to plead their case they immediately called David a snitch and started fighting with him.

•Darlin is protective of David. Of course they are, that’s their little brother! Even if little is a relative term. But for as protective Darlin is of David, David is just as protective of Darlin. The difference is he just isn’t as loud about it as Darlin is.

•Darlin can and will get in your face and threaten to beat you to death if you mess with their brother, while David is a more stoic kind of protective. He stands behind Darlin with the most menacing face he can manage if he thinks someone is trying to start something with them, playing bodyguard and constantly making sure they are safe.

•They absolutely would kill for each other, but they can not let the other know that because they would never live it down.

•David isn’t impulsive in the slightest, he has an extremely level head, but if his older sibling is running head first into something stupid his ass is right behind them.

[bipolargreen]

I can see him being a master at flirting with other people. I mean, he’s been flirting with his Angel for 6000 years. Got lots of practice. 😆

Okay but genuine question.

How do you think Crowley would respond to someone flirting with him? Like, we know Aziraphale would get all possessive and Eastern-Gate-Guardian on their ass but what would Crowley do, if Aziraphale wasn't there?

Would he embrace his demon tendencies and flirt back maybe? Nothing too serious, but just to rock the boat a bit? Or would he blush and look around for helplessly waiting for his angel to appear and smite them? Because this looks an awful lot like (yes, innocent, maybe just playful but) flirting to me:

Like, the smirk??? The drawl??? The head shake???

I'm all for Crowley being a total simp for Aziraphale but he must enjoy a couple flirty comments now and again.

[queeniecamps]

Camp of 2002!

Since we know nothing about the other campers from when David and Jasper were kids, I took it upon myself to give them some pizazz! (With some additional help from @jinjuomo, @cherryanimates, and @chettyspagetti for helping me develop them further from my initial concepts!)

We don’t have any names settled yet, but personality wise-

Horse rider: The only girl at camp (besides counselor Darla), but she’s super cool! She knows a lot of cool moves and tricks to use on the horses at camp, and probably calls everybody Partner. She speaks specifically in western slang, and she’s quite close to Darla, being the only other girl at camp.

Canoeing/“yacht” kid: spoiled and flamboyant rich kid, he’s the youngest kid of the president of the local yacht club. He got grounded for probably wrecking his very own yacht, so he was dumped at camp for the summer as a punishment. He thinks he’s better than everyone else (he’s not), and is very often being knocked down a peg by everyone else.

First aid kid: a fairly cautious kid, he’s often getting injured in one way or another but, luckily, both of his parents are doctors! Wanting to follow in his parents footsteps, he takes on first aid camp to begin his medical journey. If he’s not worried about his own health, it’s everybody else’s.

Archer: very ambitious and very competitive, this kid has decided everything is a competition and needs to win, no matter what. First to breakfast? He’s gotta win. First to swim all the way across lake lilac? It was never a competition to begin with, but he’s gotta win! If he’s not the best at something, he gives up entirely on it to focus on the next major thing. He personally saw Jasper as his arch nemesis, then he saw David when he became the best camper. (Side note: as an adult, one of his siblings got married and had kids before he could, so he never had kids of his own or got married, but at like the 15th camp Campbell reunion he came to camp, saw space kid as a personal challenge, and wound up lowkey kidding/adopting him?? But he doesn’t see him as his kid, but he sees him as his roommate?? It took 2 weeks for the counselors to realize he was missing LOL)

Bug catcher: sweet lil guy! Autistic, kind of a menace, knows a lot about bugs and Pokémon. He had a crush on Davey before he dropped the bad boy persona, he’s only into bad boys lolll. If you mess with him, he will absolutely flip his demeanor and put a buncha bugs he found in your cot, so don’t make him angry.

[candiereo]

I needed this audio so bad

Spoilers for newest audio !!!!!!

I didn’t know I needed this audio….. GAMING WITHTHE PACK AUGHH 😭😭😭

Darlin’ pov 😋

And they main Francis, known by the rest of the pack.

David is a crotchety old man 😭

“I’m literally a month younger than you, Ash.”

“Well, you’d never guess. Now, everyone correctly assumes Milo is the baby of the crew.” CONFIRMED AGES ! Asher > David > Darlin’(?) > Milo. Darlin’ could be older than Ash or David if you think that.

Asher: “PUT GRAMPS ON THE MIC!”

SAM KISS !!!!!!!! NOBODY MOVE WE KISSED SAM

Their little commentary on the way they play 😭 and the game telling them to stay together to survive

“We’re coming to save ya buddy!!!” Ash is so silly goofy

Ash saying adrenaline might be a bad thing considering how they run ahead and Milo saying they’ll “come running back after they piss off something big” 😭

The bickering!!!!!!! Asher and Darlin’ best friend agenda!!!!

Helpp them staying silent when they’re being attacked 😭😭 I think I heard Milo mention them being on mute

Darlin’ may be the opposite of me cuz I’m not a silent player at all I will start rambling if I’m afraid or being attacked

Milo’s “You are NASTY, Ash.” Had the best delivery in this video

Darlin’ immediately going for the witch after David just suggested avoiding her

I like the little moments where they mention helping/covering Darlin’ when they’re injured ….. hehe I love pack dynamic stuff

I love David just letting Asher call him “big guy”

“No melee weapons… in my Left 4 Dead 1!” HES SO CUTE 😭😭😭

Asher: “Speedrunnn! Follow that biker!”

Darlin’ playing Francis all the time as a kid is cute because I always headcanoned that they wanted to be a biker when they grew up

Darlin’ is just going all in and I love them for it cuz that takes a courage I don’t have… especially if you’re dealing with zombies

DARLIN SHOOTING THE CAR HELPPP and after David said not to 😭

“What the hell are you doin?!”

“Hell yeah >:D”

“You absolute MENACE…”

MILO CALLING DARLIN’ A MENACE WE MADE IT

David’s “Some things never change 😒” and he has experience

Darlin’ trolling Milo is all I needed in life !!!!! And them not closing the door until an infected was right there 💀

“Alright, close the door. Hey, close the door!“

“You think you’re reeal funny don’t ya? 😒”

“And they’re right!”

Several shenanigans later…

Darlin’ immediately going ahead again 😭

David: “Apparently, we’re speed running again… 😑”

Asher: “Hey, wait up for the rest of us!”

Milo: “They’re looking to wrap this up so they can get back to the grampire.”

Sam: “I heard that!” (His lil icon appearing on screen 😭)

Asher: “Jesus, he really does have super hearing!”

Asher’s “thanks for the save!” 🫶🏻

Darlin’ shooting David by accident is so silly

“That was my head…” LMFAOOO

“Don’t you even start with me, beta-boy!” Is Milo just always Asher’s victim 😭

Asher sounded so worried when Darlin’ got knocked back … the babies

“Oh—oh shit, are you.. oh, okay good.”

I think Asher is so into it that he acts like he genuinely hurt someone 😭

“Shit, boomer! Oh fuck… it got on you, I’m sorry…”

“Oh, you’ll apologize to them. 😑”

THE OTHER BOOMER 😭

“The pack that wallows in vomit together, stays together!”

“Remind me to have you make the next Solstice speech…”

Is this Darlin’ on a sniper content

Darlin’ throws a pipe bomb an it hits Asher 😭

“I— Hey! You threw a pipe bomb at my head!”

“That just means they got good aim.”

Milo has such younger sibling energy and I’m so glad it’s confirmed. Also I’m lowkey surprised Asher is the oldest but he does give off goofy older brother

Also I know they have to stay together to survive but there were little moments where they just followed the lead of Darlin’ and stood in one spot to defend each other and I think it’s super cute… like an actual wolf pack would just stay together in one place to defend each other

[veritas-scribblings]

lip gloss - @jegulus-microfic - words: 1,171 [explicit / NSFW]

James would like it on record that he did not have an ulterior motive. It was a little bit of innocent fun. His curiosity had got the better of him. So when Sirius said, ‘Can I do your make up?’ James had eagerly replied, ‘Sure!’

Sirius had gone through this stage while back at Hogwarts, see. He called it his ‘cheek and chic’ stage, in the spirit of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. Glam rock. Flamboyant and larger than life, much like Sirius himself. Kind of rock and roll, but with a heavy dosing of glitter and sparkles. 

And make up.

Because Sirius is a rebel. He had spent years trying to find himself, trying to define himself, and he can never do anything quietly. These days, Sirius is more subdued—there’s less glitter and sparkles involved—but he’s still an artist at heart and every once in a while, he likes to dabble. Dip his toe back in.

That’s how they ended up here, with Regulus pinning James to the couch, his gaze fixed, charged. 

Regulus runs his hands through the hair Sirius had so meticulously styled, kisses, licks, sucks a pathway up James’s neck. He’s unbuttoned James’s shirt, pushed it open, so he can get his hands on every square centimetre of skin exposed. 

James wants to ask Regulus what he wants: what can I do, what can I give you, what do you need? But Regulus’s movements are determined, hungry, desperate and soveryintentional that all James can do is gasp, hiss through his teeth, grip Regulus’s silky locks in his fist. And then carefully, he releases them, pats Regulus’s hair back down in apology because he knows that Regulus hates it when James pulls. Gently, James cards his fingers through a few times, biting back a deep moan. 

It’s just that Regulus hasn’t said anything to him yet since he walked through their front door, spotted James on the couch and all but attacked him. Now, James is laying on the couch, Regulus straddling his waist, the friction against James’s arousal overwhelming, and he keeps dodging James’s attempts to kiss him. 

Preferring, instead, to tend to James’s chest, rubbing the pad of his thumb over James’s sensitive, hardened nipples. He leans down and takes one into his mouth, gently licking, sucking, grazing his teeth over it, swirling his tongue around it. James cries out, the sensation washing through him like a wave, knows that he’s swearing. Because Regulus is a menace, an absolute menace. A beautiful, beautiful menace. He rocks in James’s lap, swivels, rolls his hips in sharp thrusts and deep grinds, all but riding James.

The movements pull ragged, breathy moans from James. Gripping Regulus’s waist, he curses, slamming his head back against the couch cushion in frustration. Certain that Regulus is trying to kill with sosomuch and notnearlyenough. James tugs frustratedly at Regulus’s shirt as Regulus’s hips reach a tortuous, merciless pace. With the sweetest of smiles, Regulus pulls his shirt off, giving James a wide expanse of flushed, milky skin to run his hands over. 

‘Reggie,’ he warns, low and shaky, ‘keep it up and I’m going to finish in my pants before we get a chance to actually do anything.’ 

Regulus leans back, hands gripping James’s thighs, fingers scratching at the fabric of his trousers. ‘Are you wearing make up?’ he demands at first, then quickly changes his phrasing. Because it’s not a question. He knows James’s hair, James’s eyes, James’s cheeks and lips and colouring intimately. 

And, oh…oh, is that it?

‘You’re wearing make up,’ Regulus says.

Regulus takes James by the chin, tips his head to the left, to the right. With a quizzical expression, he drags his thumb over James’s lips, a pink nude colour, Sirius had informed him. His lips are sticky, James knows, and he can tell that Regulus isn’t so sure about that part. That Regulus has been weighing the pros and cons of kissing him.

That being said, Regulus does appear to be quite the fan of the other parts. 

‘Careful, dear,’ James says between laboured breaths. ‘You’ll smudge me.’

Regulus just frowns and leans back again, swivelling his hips, eliciting a chesty groan of, ‘ohshitohshit,’ from James. Regulus’s expression darkens, his movements pooling straight through James so he’s that much closer to teetering on the edge of his orgasm.

And then where would they be? Because ever since Regulus had walked through the door and all but tackled him onto the couch, James has known exactly what he wants, and that’s to get Regulus naked and to worship his magnificent body. But what James also always wants is to give Regulus what he wants, and what Regulus really seems to want right now is to pry an orgasm directly from the depths of James’s soul with how very into James he currently seems.

And James can never not give Regulus what he wants, so here lies James: conflicted

When Regulus plants his hands on James’s shoulders and rocks again, James hastily rushes out, ‘Fuck, Reggie, stopstopstop, just wait.’

Regulus diligently stops. Waits. He shuffles backwards so he’s no longer seated directly on top of James’s achingly hard erection, and then has the audacity to give James the sweetest, most innocent of smiles that James can’t help but smile back. James closes his eyes, because looking at Regulus all flushed and incredibly turned on and slightly mussed and shirtless is doing nothing to stem the pleasureblissarousaldesire rushing through his veins. 

‘Just give me a moment,’ James says, breath heaving, heart racing marathons in his chest.

‘Then we continue.’

‘Yes, then we continue.’ James groans, has to grab Regulus’s hands, which have started to trace a pathway to the waistband of his pants, and warns, ‘Don’t touch me if you want to continue. Don’t even look at me.’

Regulus laughs quietly. ‘I like the make up,’ he leans over and whispers by James’s ear. ‘You should wear it more often. You look so lovely.’ To his credit, he’s being careful not to touch James, hovering over him, James left feeling somewhat bereft, but…fuck.

James moans, grips the couch cushion beneath him, hips jerking up into the air. Regulus’s words have hit James straight in the groin, and he shudders, twitches. Feels the energy of Regulus’s words like static, electric, a buzz in the air, on his skin.

‘You’re so pretty like this, Jamie, so beautiful,’ Regulus whispers by James’s ear, his breath warm, ghosting against James’s skin. ‘Did you do it for me, Jamie? You did, didn’t you. You’re so good like that. So good for me. I love you like this.’

James whines, teetering now. Teetering so close, and when Regulus finishes with a quiet, ‘I love you,’ James’s eyes roll back and he’s seeing stars, seeing white, the full force of his orgasm hitting him so intensely that he is lost to the world for a moment. 

When James comes to, Regulus is kissing him. Regulus pulls back, brushes James’s hair from his forehead, studying him with an expression so enamoured that James’s heart flutters in his chest. Distantly, James thinks that Regulus may be right. And that maybe make-up should come with some sort of warning label.

‘I love you too,’ James murmurs drowsily as Regulus lays down, humming, so they’re chest-to-chest. ‘Just give me ten minutes to recover and I’ll get you back.’

[strawbeerossi]

All Hallows Eve

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid x Derek Morgan x Luke Alvez

Description: You and your three very attractive coworkers get to talking about sex and kinks whenever you are left alone at David’s Halloween party.

Content/Warnings: Alcohol mention/consumption, kink discussion, just a pinch of peer pressure when it comes to Spencer opening up, some germaphobic mentions, MMMF foursome, oral (f + m rec), face fucking, anal fingering (f rec) , double penetration, cum play (various types including: creampie and cum swapping), unprotected sex, some nice Spencer aftercare.

Word Count: 5.6K

Kinktober Day Thirty One: Foursome

Navigation || Kinktober Masterlist || AO3

This one is fucking filthy. Thank you all for coming on this Kinktober adventure with me!

Halloween parties were typically held at Dave’s house. It just made sense considering how big the place was and the amount of space he had not only in the house but also in the backyard. Besides, David Rossi would never turn down hosting a party at his place. He enjoyed throwing any kind of event right in his own backyard. That also meant a few extra guest rooms for the wasted adults that would be at said event.

It was Halloween night, everyone gathered at their coworker’s house and settled in the backyard, enjoying the heat of a fire that the guys had all set up. JJ and Matt were absent, spending the night at home with their children to celebrate the spookiest holiday of the year. Drinks were flowing, Spencer even partaking in just one drink for the night as opposed to his normal sober status, allowing himself to join in the festivity that he was normally left out of. However, he could argue that he liked being sober on nights like this. There was always something comical about someone in the team getting inebriated to the point that they act like an absolute menace to society.

Thankfully, tonight wasn’t too bad. Despite Emily and Penelope indulging in the liquor that their host never seemed to run out of. It had gotten to a point later that night where you had to wrestle both women into bed in one of the many guest rooms already set up for the adults staying over. You’d managed to get the two plastered women settled into bed — Mainly because you laid horizontally over both of their bodies to keep them in place. It took about twenty minutes, however it wasn’t long until you’d heard the soft snores of Emily while Penelope was sleeping soundly while snuggled up under the sheets.

You had to lay there for a moment to collect yourself before pushing yourself out of bed, heading out of the room while gently pulling the door shut. Last thing you needed was to make too much racket and have to chase those two around again. “I feel like you all owe me for that.” You commented as you’d pulled open the back door, Spencer’s head lifting up from a book in his hand. “Better you than us.” He commented, which had the other men outside laughing. “Rossi turned in early. It’s just us.” Luke informed you, the absence of Dave being noticed. “Fun. What are you three doing?” You asked, heading to the chair closest to Spencer as you were sitting down.

“Nothing really. Derek and I were just talking while Spencer is too interested in,” Luke paused and leaned over the table to inspect the book cover. “Quantum Physics..” He crinkled his nose. There was never a dull book choice with Spencer, that was for sure. “Most guys would probably be talking about their sexual experiences by now. But our lovely Spencer Reid is reading about physics.” You teased, all in good fun as you teased the male sitting beside you.

“I prefer not to talk about sexual experiences.”

“Because he hasn’t had any.”

“Derek!”

The table had erupted into laughter minus Spencer who had the look of a kicked puppy. “I’ve had sex before.” He grumbled while putting his face back in his book. “You have? Really?” You asked while letting your eyebrow raise. “Why is that a surprise?!” He asked, suddenly taking offense as he was closing the book. “No! I’m not saying it’s a surprise but you just don’t look like the type!”

“How does one look like a virgin?” He quizzed you, hazel eyes narrowed as he stared at you, head tilted to the side slightly. He had you there. What were you supposed to say? You cleared your throat as you lifted up your nearly forgotten glass of wine, swirling the red liquid around the glass. “I’m not sure how to answer that.” You admitted, making the genius smile triumphantly. “Exactly. You don’t know.”

“Okay, Casanova. Tell us about it.” Derek was intrigued as he leaned against the table. Spencer wasn’t one to share his personal life as often, so maybe that one drink he had in the night could’ve loosened him up even just a little bit to talk about it. “What?” The curly headed male squeaked, now looking between the three of you as you all seemingly waited patiently for a story.

“I’ve had sex more than once.” He huffed.

“Okay. So pick a good experience to tell us about then.” Luke chuckled as he raised an eyebrow, elbows propped up on the table.

With pursed lips, Spencer was crossing his arms. “I have to?” He asked while you nodded. “Oh yeah, you definitely have to. You’ve got some secrets that we need to know right now.” You giggle. Even with his apprehension, the brunette took in a breath. “Okay.. I guess I could share it. I mean, I have been wanting to get out of my comfort zone so maybe this will be good?” You highly doubted that he’d jump from being nervous like this to being able to talk about sex explicitly. It would take him a bit.

“Come on, pretty boy. I'm bored to death.” Derek sighed dramatically while you were punching his shoulder with a loud, “Shush!!”

“You remember Max, I’m sure.” Which yes, everyone did. His short-term girlfriend who had her family taken hostage a while ago. “We do, go on.” You urged him on, arms crossed on the table top. “I think you’re a little too into this,” Luke commented, the commentary being met with a swift kick to his leg under the table.

“I really don’t know how to describe it? Like, sex is sex, right?”

“Any interesting kinks? Come on, kid. We know you aren’t as innocent as you think you are.”

“Interesting? Not really. I mean, I am a fan of face sitting but I think that is standard, right?” The words escaping his mouth had Spencer’s face bright red as he leaned back against the chair behind him. There were wolf whistles at the admission. “Doesn’t matter if it’s standard or not.” Luke chuckled while holding his glass up as if he were toasting to him while chuckling.

“Well, what’s not considered normal?” Now Spencer was curious as he looked between the three of you. He wasn’t a big kinkster, as anyone would imagine. The question had you, Derek and Luke exchanging looks. “Well. Mixopholia isn’t common, I don’t think. Which that’s enjoying watching yourself have sex. Could be in front of a mirror, recording it, anything like that. It can be really fun, in all honesty. Especially if you record and play it back.” You responded, only raising an eyebrow at the gaped mouths of your male coworkers. “What? You’ve never done that? Derek, come on. You can’t lie.”

“No, mama. I never had that idea.” He chuckled while shaking his head. “It’s good to know now, I’m gonna need to try it.” He added while Luke was too busy thinking of things he liked. “It’s probably not abnormal but I really like thighs. I feel like that would be the body part I’m most obsessed with, especially when it comes to thigh fucking. It can be better than penetration.” He hummed. Which, they were pretty standard things to be sexually aroused by, even if Spencer would’ve never thought of the two ideas.

“I think I like group sex. I don’t have it a lot, however it can be pretty great when you have the right group. I know it’s nonconventional. I’ve had all sorts of sex but I think I’ll always go back to that.” Derek spoke up while shrugging his shoulders. “A group?? Do you know many germs are exchanged in encounters like that?” Spencer asked, dumbfounded while the man in front of him waved him off. “It’s a good time. If you don’t believe it, then I highly suggest you at least try it before denying,” He chuckled.

Judging by Spencer’s look of morbid curiosity, he was considering it. “How does one even do that? I feel like you need to have connections..” Was Spencer really considering it? “You just have to find people you’re comfortable with.” Derek shrugged while tapping his hand against the table. There were a few moments of silence while Spencer’s brain was working overtime, you could swear smoke was coming out of his ears.

“I trust all of you.”

The words had your throat running dry. “Is that supposed to be an invitation?” You asked, your own curiosity shining through. You’d always considered Derek, Luke and Spencer as attractive, however you never considered having sex with all three of them. You had to admit, you really did enjoy the idea of getting passed around by some of the most attractive men on the team. The idea was enough to cause goosebumps to spread across your body. Surely it would be a bad idea to have sex with a coworker, much less three of them.

Spencer’s face was bright red as he put his hands up in self defense. “You don’t have to say yes but I would say that I wouldn’t mind sharing.. Germs..? With you guys.” He shrugged while shyly looking away. What a compliment from Spencer Walter Reid. The man who wouldn’t even give handshakes was willing to throw away his typical formula for three coworkers. “I am just saying!” He rambled on, now feeling self conscious at his admission.

“Now hold on. I think this idea could be beneficial.” Luke spoke up while chuckling. “I mean. We are all grown ups, right?” Your head nodded immediately after Luke put in his own two cents. “I agree with Luke. I mean, where’s the harm?! We are all friends anyway, I couldn’t imagine this being awkward for us.” Realistically, there were many issues with the idea of having sex with coworkers. You didn’t even care about them right now.

“Are you guys serious?” Derek asked, wide eyes from shock. “Why not? You mean to tell me that you’re gonna pass up sex?” You asked curiously while raising an eyebrow. “Well, no. I just.. Damn, I didn’t know tonight would end like this, that’s all.” He explained, being so flabbergasted at the idea of a foursome with his coworkers. “Might I suggest we move inside? I mean, the last thing we need is Rossi looking out the window and seeing us out here.” Luke began while nodding towards the window overlooking the backyard.

So, you did.

You had never been this excited before, your body buzzing with arousal and excitement. This was a sexual bucket list type thing for you, not something you could imagine doing regularly. Plus, having it be with Derek, Spencer and Luke just made it twenty times better. The minute you were closed in the guest room furthest from everyone else in the house, there was a bit of awkwardness as the four of you looked between each other. How does somebody kick something like this off? With strangers, it would be different but you all worked together.

This was a lot harder to start than you thought it would be.

“How about we ease ourselves into this?” Derek suggested, now looking between the other three people in the room. “Why don’t you give us a show?” He hummed while looking in your direction, your face flushed. “Like a strip tease?” The nod of his head solidified your suspicions, your head nodding as you watched the three men sit on the edge of the bed to face you. The intense gaze of three men was intimidating as all hell, especially when they had the look of hunger and desire burning holes through your skin.

Your movements were slow as you pushed the Halloween sweater up your body, tugging it over your head before tossing it somewhere else in the room. You hadn’t planned for this so you couldn’t get too dressed up, however the Halloween themed bra and panty set was cute and got the job done. Next was your leggings, which were slowly being pushed down your thighs as you were revealing the thin panties, a nice wet patch darkening the cotton. You liked this attention. You liked the idea of being ravished by three men who wanted to use you for their own pleasure.

It was exhilarating.

“Come here.” Derek was the first to speak up, his finger making a gesture to get you to come closer. You obliged, only letting out a squeak of surprise when you were being tugged in the man’s lap. You could feel the bulge in his pants pressed against your ass, brain clouded with arousal as you were letting your arms wrap around Derek’s shoulders. His hands were gripping your ass, eyes scanning over your body as he let out a low groan. There were no words exchanged, the man mesmerized by your nearly fully exposed body, his hands running up your hips before cupping your clothed breasts.

You let his hands continue to caress and explore every inch of skin, face hot as you were rocking your hips against his strained cock in his jeans. “You like this, don’t you? Like the attention of your friends and coworkers?” He questioned while an eyebrow raised, your head nodding as you let out a shaky breath from the friction of his jeans against your clothed clit, the roughness of his pants felt like heaven through the thin fabric of your underwear. “Who knew you’d be a whore? You want us to record this? Give you something to look back on whenever that little pussy of yours is desperate to be stuffed?” The words elicited a moan, your head nodding. “Fuck. Yeah.” You whined.

Luke was the one who was getting his phone, setting up the device on a lamp on the bedside table to get a clear view of the bed. You were caught off guard though when you were quickly pushed to the mattress, your back hitting the smooth sheets. Using your elbows to prop yourself up, you watched as Derek was patting Spencer’s shoulder. The brunette was already overwhelmed seeing you in your underwear, his face bright red as he could feel the tight constriction of his boxers around his cock.

“Go on, kid. You wanted to try this, didn’t you? Only fair you get to go first.” Derek commented while nodding his head to urge him on. The awkward male was clearing his throat as he was approaching the bed, your legs wrapping around his waist to welcome him as your hands then gripped his arm, gently tugging his lanky frame closer to you as you let your lips press against his. The sudden action had him taken aback, however the shock wore off rather quickly as his lips slotted with your own.

It was calm at first, until the desperation set in as the male above you. That was when the kids had grown messy, your fingers tangled in his brunette curls as his hips were grinding against you. Spencer would be the first to say that he was going to drink in the moment, to enjoy this while you allowed him to touch you in any way he pleased. It was no secret that the awkward, shy genius had a small crush on you, his behavior making it apparent more often than he realized. That was why he was taking his time, his tongue in your mouth as the germaphobe was surprising himself with his loss of apprehension to swap spit with you.

Much to both of your dismay, he was pulling out of the kiss. He made up for it though as his hands were coming up to cup your bra-clad breasts. A low groan left his lips as he kneaded at your soft, plush tits. One hand was slipping under you, his fingers quickly unclasping the article of clothing in his way and throwing it off to the side. He groaned, eyes fixated on your bare breasts. “You’re so pretty.” His voice came out in a pitiful whine, head dipping down to take your right nipple in his mouth.

The warmth of his tongue swiping over your hardened nub had your eyes fluttering shut, the man sucking and nipping at your sensitive nipple while his other hand was working to massage your other breast, nipple rolling between his fingers to give it the equal attention that it deserved. As he’d done his best to alternate, it wasn’t long until your chest was glistening with the remanent spit from his attack on your tits.

With his hungry eyes trailing down your body now, he was leaning down to press a few warm and wet open mouthed kisses down your stomach. Your fingers were quick to tangle in his soft brunette curls, head tilting back as his tongue trailed slowly down your stomach, nipping at your skin to leave a nice and big purple mark on your hip. The other men in the room had not been forgotten about however, your head tilting to the side to look at both Luke and Derek, the two men watching the scene play out in front of them, eyes blown out with lust and desire.

In a way, you felt like a gazelle in the presence of three starving lions, one already making his pounce onto you while the other two had calculated plans of their own. Spencer was blowing cool air on your glistening pussy, a satisfied hum leaving his lips as you clenched around nothing from sheer desperation. “Hold on,” Luke spoke up, his silence being short lived as Spencer was letting out a whine from his spot between your thighs. You didn’t expect Spencer to actually listen, however you weren’t able to question it as the other male was approaching the bed. “I have an idea. No need to get all teary eyed, Reid.” He spoke with a chuckle, the male between your thighs huffing as he backed away momentarily in order for Luke to throw you into a position.

The stark contrast between Spencer and Luke was something you were gracious for. The genius had a since of desperation, everything about him screaming that he wanted to drink in your essence and bask in the warmth coursing through his veins. The other had a clear motive in mind, the confidence to pick you up and move you into a position that he wanted you to be in. Both so different and yet so alike in the fashion of your thighs being sticky with your own arousal. With your body being turned horizontal, your head was now hanging off the bed which left very little to the imagination of what was coming next.

What you weren’t expecting though was Luke to nudge Spencer to the side when he was between your legs again, your left leg hanging off Spencer’s shoulder while your right was hanging off Luke’s. “Let’s put your germaphobia to the test.” Alvez just had to tease Spencer, a chuckle leaving his lips as he was leaning closer to your aching core. His tongue licked a fat stripe up your slit, a soft breath falling from your lips. You’d never thought of two men licking your pussy at once but the idea of it had butterflies going crazy in your belly.

Spencer was hesitant, looking at the spit mixed with your arousal. Before he could talk himself out of this idea and hide in the corner, he was leaning forward to lick the same spot the other man did. The comfortability was soon setting in as Spencer let his tongue flick over your clit, a sharp breath leaving your lips as you let a hand tangle in the mop of curls. Whenever the male began to suck and toy with your clit, Luke was bringing a hand to his mouth as he sucked at his fingers, eventually getting them settled at your entrance before pushing one of the digits inside of your desperate cunt, eliciting a moan as your head tilted back, still hanging over the edge of the bed.

As the two men between your legs alternated between licking at your weeping pussy or fingering you, Derek got a little bored of watching. While your head was tossed back, eyes fluttered shut as both skilled tongues were licking and sucking at your sensitive center, Derek worked on unbuttoning his pants as he approached where your head was hanging off the bed. “Alright, pretty girl. We are gonna put that mouth to good use.” He spoke, voice low and husky as he was retrieving his hard cock out of his pants.

Your mouth was practically watering as you took in the sight of the leaking tip of his cock, the shaft glistening from the beads of precum that were dripping from his slit. There was a lot going through your mind, however your body worked as if it was going off muscle memory.

As your desperate pussy clenched around someone’s fingers, your mouth was falling open to give the male above you the access that he needed. “That’s what I thought. Who would’ve known that you’d be such a whore?” He asked, an eyebrow raising as his hand tugged at his cock, slipping his cock past the threshold of your lips while his hand was running over your chest.

You were on cloud nine, even through the gagging on your coworkers cock to the point tears were brimming your eyes. There was a lot going on, so much that you couldn’t focus on everything at once. That was what prompted Derek to take control. With his body leaning at a certain angle, he didn’t hesitate before thrusting into your mouth to elicit a moan as your eyes were screwed shut.

The thrusts were rough and precise, the male abusing your throat and surely rubbing it raw as he used your mouth like a fleshlight. “She’s gonna cum. Do we let her do it, doc?” Luke’s voice spoke up, your pussy clenching tight around his fingers as your walls fluttered around the three fingers pistoning in your swollen, desperate cunt. Spencer was all for it, pulling off of your throbbing clit with a ‘pop’. “I think she’s been good enough to deserve it.” He confirmed, watching as Luke pulled his fingers out of your pussy, eliciting a whine from your lips being muffled around Derek’s cock. Luke was gripping the back of Spencer’s hair, catching the man by surprise.

The next movements were quick, Spencer having his face pushed into your pussy once more while Luke kept an eye on your mannerisms. With Spencer licking and sucking at your sweetness and Luke practically jerking his head in different ways to take control himself, it wasn’t long until your legs were shaking. With your orgasm building and Spencer sensing you were close, he didn’t need Luke's guidance to push his face further in your warmth, the sinful sounds of slurping and sucking filling the room.

“Fuck. Cum on his tongue, make a mess of his face.” Derek growled as he glanced down at you, his cock twitching in your mouth. Whenever you were hitting your orgasm, the man fucking your throat followed right behind. You did your best to swallow what you could, however he was tapping your cheek after his cock was pulled from the warmth of your mouth.

“Hold on, keep some of it.” He spoke, which had you nodding slowly as you pushed yourself to sit up while glancing at the men between your legs. “Why don’t you share with Spencer?” He asked, arms crossed as Spencer looked at the man with wide eyes. “Huh?!” you were following the instruction, your hands cupping Spencer’s cheeks before you were pressing your lips against his. In the process of the male getting comfortable enough with the idea, you were pushing the remnants of Derek’s cum into the brunette’s mouth, slowly pulling out of the kiss while wiping the corner of your mouth with your thumb.

Spencer wasn’t really fond of it, however he knew this was for the sake of experimentation and he wouldn’t have to do it again. Luke was the first one to stand up as he worked on getting his clothes off, not being able to stand being fully clothed and constricted any longer. “Come here.” He mumbled, now moving to sit on the edge of the bed while tugging your body into his lap, his cock against your wet cunt as you weren’t hesitating to roll your hips slowly. “Fuck.” You breathed, feeling the hardness of his cock slotting between your slick pussy lips as you were grinding against his lap.

“That’s right.” Luke purred while his hands were reaching behind to grip your ass, a soft hum leaving his lips as he squeezed the plushy skin into his hands with a bruising grip. With one of your hands reaching between the both of you, you were positioning the bulbous tip with your leaking hole, you were sucking in a breath as you were slowly sinking down on his hard cock. Much like Derek’s, Luke had a good amount of length and girth, his fat cock stretching out your walls with a pleasurable burn.

His hands were gently guiding your hips, starting the process of working out what was most pleasurable for the both of you. The movements were slow, your hands holding his shoulders in order to brace yourself as you surrendered control to Luke for the time being. “Ah!” You squeaked, a certain angle making him hit the perfect spot. “There it is.” He smirked, the next thrust being a rough snap of his hips that had your body bouncing in his lap, a drawn out moan falling from your lips. Your hands rested gently against his broad chest, nudging him to lay back as you got into a more comfortable position. With your hair falling over your shoulder, your head was tilting forward as your hips were rocking at a steady pace while the large hands were now moving up your torso to fondle your breasts in his hands. While his fingers pinched and stimulated your sensitive nipples, you were reduced to a whining mess as your hips picked up their pace in sloppy movements.

The sensitivity from your previous orgasm had you feeling overwhelmed, just the feel of every ridge and curve of Luke’s cock had your body with satisfaction. Of course, he had learned your tell when it came to you about to cum, the way your greedy pussy tried pulling more of his cock even though he gave you everything you could take. Right whenever your second orgasm was in your sights though, you were stopped. The firm grip on your hips weren’t Luke’s, no, they were Derek’s. He’d managed to get on the bed behind you at some point. “I feel like Spencer has been completely neglected.” He tsked, his head shaking. “I think I know how you can make it up to him though.” He mused.

You were confused and deprived of an orgasm, a whine leaning your lips as you were pushed forward, your bare chest smashed against Luke’s as your ass was in the air, giving the other two men a tasteful view of your pussy stuffed with Luke’s cock. Derek took initiative, reaching around your body as he was pushing three fingers into your mouth. You weren’t really aware of what the game plan was, however you were happy to suck and lube up his fingers for whatever he had planned. With one lubed up digit tracing the ring of your other hole, you were letting out a gasp of surprise. “Think you can handle it?” Derek asked.

It was the bare minimum, however you appreciated the search for consent before he went any further. “I-I think so? What’s the harm in trying?” You were pushing your ass back against Derek’s fingers more, anticipating how this was going to go. You’d experimented plenty, however you’d never thought to try anal. With everyone trying all sorts of new things tonight, you figured it would be fun.

You were holding tightly to Luke’s arms whenever the other man’s finger was gently pushing into your ring of muscle, a few tears being wiped away from his hand as he helped soothe you from the foreign intrusion. “Doing such a good job.” Derek’s voice spoke up, Spencer’s gaze being all too fixated on the way his finger was being tightly gripped. It made his cock twitch in his pants, his hands working to quickly get them off for after Derek got you fully prepared.

One finger turned to two, then two turned to three. You wouldn’t lie, you never expected to like the aspect of anal sex this much. Especially while being stuffed full of cock in one hole and getting fingers in another. It made you feel like a cock hungry whore, something that had your pussy clenching tight around Luke’s cock.

When you were considered prepared enough, Derek’s fingers were gently being pulled out of your hole. “Alright, Reid. Go for it. Think she’s ready to have both of her holes stuffed.” He chuckled, watching the brunette quickly getting on his knees on the mattress behind you when Derek moved. “You’re sure this is okay?” His voice was shaky as he asked the question, his dick throbbing from being neglected for the past few activities. “It’s okay. Please.” Your voice was in the form of a whine, feeling a whole new level of intoxication as soon as his slick tip was coming into contact with your asshole.

Spencer was groaning as he watched the way the hole was embracing the tip of his cock, his head tilting forward to send a string of spit to your desperate asshole. It was an action you hardly expected but you were embracing it as soon as you felt his cock pushing into you, a cry leaving your lips as a pool of drool was falling from the corner of your mouth and on Luke’s chest. This was too much, however you didn’t want it to end.

The two men had to come to an agreement, setting a pace where they wouldn’t rip you in half. Spencer’s large hands were gripping tight to your hips, nails digging into your flesh and surely leaving crescent indents in your soft skin. That was when Derek was retrieving the phone on the bedside table, approaching the bed as he played cameraman. “Look at her taking two cocks at the same time. Can you believe how much of a whore she is?” His voice was cold, yet not enough to be outright hurtful.

As Spencer was thrusting, your body was moving slightly as you were pretty much reduced to a little fuck doll that both Luke and Spencer were using for their own gratification. Your body was reduced to a pile of malleable clay in their hands, both men working out a system where they could reduce you to a crying and whining mess. You knew you wouldn’t last much longer, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you were whining and moaning with each rough thrust. “You look like an angel. So pretty when you’re fucked out.” Derek cooed, the phone being moved to reveal your wet chin from drool, your eyes glossed over from the tears from overstimulation, even the way you laid all your weight on Luke’s chest as you were reaching your orgasm, walls clamping down onto the male’s cock.

There were a few more thrusts from Luke before you could feel a fish of warmth, his cum filling your spent pussy as you were shivering from the sensation. Spencer was the next one to reach his orgasm, spilling his seed into your tight hole as he was letting out a guttural groan. It was something that didn’t even sound like Spencer. You were so blissed out that you didn’t even remember whenever Luke gently lifted you off or his softening dick, laying you back on the mattress while your head was resting against the fluffy pillow that Spencer propped it up with.

“We should get you cleaned up.” Spencer cooed, his hands moving to gently rub your inner thighs to help relax your aching muscles from the new position you were just put into. Derek was nodding as he was getting himself dressed again. “We can run her a bath and help her get cleaned up. The bathroom is just next door.”

Spencer was the one to head out, reaching the bathroom and getting the bathtub ready with some bubble bath he found in one of the bathroom cabinets. Derek and Luke were both helping you stand and walking with you to the bathroom since you were still quite out of it. “Do you want all of us to stay here with you?” Luke asked while lowering you into the water once your bath was ready. For the first time in ten minutes, you were looking up at the three men with the same fucked out look in your eyes. “Spencer.” You whined gently, while the other two men were patting the brunette’s back before heading out of the bathroom to get the room cleaned up.

“Get in.” You slurred, the man not having to be told twice as he was stripping himself down once more and gently lifting you in order to get into the water before letting you lean back against his chest. “Thank you.” You yawned, feeling the warmth of his hands as he was massaging your body to help relax you even further. “You don’t have to thank me, silly. I’m here to help.” He assured you while pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Good. Hopefully we can relive this night in the future. Just the two of us.”

[dear-ao3]

hi. you did not ask for it but i feel inclined to share with you some bits and pieces of indycar lore.

-georgina. georgina is a mannequin that hangs on a bridge at barber motorsports park, one of the tracks we race at, during the 2024 race there she fell down in the middle of the race and onto the track, a driver ran her wrist over and shredded it, the safety team loaded her up into the back of their truck, and later the driver who hit her (scott mclaughlin) posted a photo of him holding her hand up.

-will power ‘double birds’. it’s self explanatory, will power is a menace in the purest form of the word, and he is NOT afraid to flip off fellow drivers or, most famously, race control.

-the firestone firehawk, aka murderhawk. highly loved by fans and drivers, the mascot for firestone tires (which is what indycar uses) who is always at indycar races, frequently seen looming ominously around whoever they can get their hands on, hence the nickname murderhawk.

-bus bros. cannot even begin to explain the depths of lore here but im sure someone would be happy to. once a youtube series and friendship between drivers and teammates scott mclaughlin and josef newgarden (highly recommend watching the videos, very funny) it ended rather abruptly after rumors about their demise had been circulating, teammates who once hugged after every race win won’t even sit beside each other anymore.

-the AMR safety team. that’s all. they are amazing and we love them, SO fast and incredible, if nobody got me ik the AMR safety team got me!

-santino ferrucci. we all hate the guy, hes an absolute asshole, homophobic, racist, etc. most recently he put hands on a driver and then called said driver’s teammate his ‘little boyfriend teammate’. there’s a video of it on indycar’s youtube channel called ‘tempers flare between santino ferrucci and kyle kirkwood’ if you’re curious.

-arrow mclaren curse. this team is just… something.. their drivers have good personalities, but oh my! is the team itself horrifying! and this year we had 4(?) 5(?) drivers that all had the same seat! obviously at different times but it was Scary.

-we all love the month of may. the indy 500 is held in may, which brings a whole month of celebration and racing, from the indy gp, to parades to practice to qualifying to so many other events to the 500 itself, it’s an amazing month full of so much energy i cannot even begin to describe.

-bus lot pranks. speaking of the indy 500, during may, the drivers live in a bus lot at IMS, in their fancy RV’s, it’s like a frat house, which obviously leads to pranks, my personal favorite is when they filled conor daly’s hot tub with orbeez.

-it’s also important to note that indycar is small, the community is small, the drivers frequently interact with fans both in person and online, which is great! but it also means watch what you say because there’s a very high chance a driver will see it, our series is welcoming and non toxic! we want to keep it that way. 

-david’s bike. david malukas signed for arrow mclaren, but never actually got to race for them because he broke his wrist biking. he frequently makes jokes about it as he is very chronically online. he is also dubbed lil dave, that has nothing to do with his bike i just thought it was important.

-the milk gimp.. an absolutely terrifying indy 500 ad from 2014.

-the hate cauldron. back in 2022 three andretti drivers all made contact with each other during a race, which led to chaos, thus the birth of the hate cauldron, theres a video of it on here somewhere, and also when it was reborn this year!

doesn’t even scratch the surface, i’m just running out of brain power here, also a team got raided by the fbi this year.

oh and indycar’s youtube channel has tons of full races posted, they’re currently uploading the ones from this year, i recommend watching the 2016 indy 500, and i’m sure people would be happy to share their fav races to watch !!

by george. thats a lot of fun facts. thank you very very much send as many as u want (again pointing you to @ainti-pretty to send any and all fun facts)🫶💞 particularly enraptured by the bike saga (is david...still in indycar? did he just get launched off the face of the earth except to meme on twitter?) and the bus bros drama. seems bonkers. also to clarify your social media point.........do you mean on like twitter/instagram. or have they infiltrated tumblr. thank u bestie 🫶💞

[too-many-rooks]

All the Jack Lowden as Mr Darcy hubbub has got me thinking of Cartwebb regency era aus.

Not necessarily P&P au, but, River as David’s heir, one day set to inherit basically the whole of Kent. David is some ex-Navy admiral who won some crucial victories for the empire and thus has earned a lot of respect and influence.

But his daughter Isobel is known for her scandals and being a generally disgraceful women, is currently in semi-official exile on the continent, partially to maintain the secret that River is perhaps actually a bastard, and David used his government connections to cover that up and ensure the inheritance followed through, or that Frank (who David’s pretending is dead, but ofc isn’t) was some Wickham-esque Ne'er-do-well, and he and Isobel had a scandalous flight to Scotland to get married, with Frank trying to insert himself as David’s heir to gain his money and some of his military influence and force his hand to recognise him by getting Isobel pregnant.

Spider is prominent socialite and conveniently widowed Lady Taverner’s son, and they’re plotting together to put him in the path of the young Lord Cartwright, as the most eminent bachelor of the season. (And this is a queer normalised setting for whatever hand wavy adoption is a thing/ a/b/o dynamics bc I’m a bit of a freak for that/it’s more of a lover on the side thing than a marriage/bc I said so.)

And initially Spider sets about on his seduction of the young Cartwright purely for the wealth and social standing it will bring him, and finds Cartwright to be insufferably arrogant and annoying, (and he absolutely is all these things, but perhaps is also quite sheltered, having been mostly kept in the country under David’s watchful eye, and struggles to bear the weight of the family name and legacy after Isobel turned out to be such a disgraceful failure,)

And at first Spider’s only priority is just figuring out how best to manipulate him into doing what he wants, which largely includes a lot of awkward compliments and misguided boasting until he realises how much River responds to the tactic of Spider taunting him until he provokes a slightly violent reaction from him and Spider gets pinned in against the nearest wall/furniture, and goes all breathy and whimpering and flutters his lashes.

And perhaps River and Spider get caught in one of these very weirdly intense and intimate moments and it’s like oh no! Now you have to get married to avoid the scandal. What a shame!

And at first, perhaps Spider tries to play it off like he didn’t want this either, but they can make the best of a bad situation, because there is something between them, right? Only then, ugh gross, Spider starts having genuine feelings for River, but the match seems more and more secure, so he’s not gonna risk everything by showing his cards now, is he? Certainly not when his Mama is so victorious, finally so proud.

And then maybe Frank shows up just as David is fading and River’s preparing to become the new Lord and is a general terrible influence and ofc wants to get rid of Taverner’s little upstart to make a match for River that’s more useful for him (like, say, his ward Patrice, perhaps.) And then idk regency shenanigans, probably some murder, Frank being a menace. Who can say.

[mellosdrawings]

didnt know who to confess this to so uh MELLO I CHOOSE YOU

why the goblin king from Labyrinth kinda...👀

(yes goblin king jareth played by David Bowie sue me I had damsel in distress fantasies as a young human✋😮‍💨)

anyway would I be an absolute menace for making a twst OC off of him? Cuz technically disney bought the rights...

*pokemon voice* Mello mello!

Mello uses Art attack!

Hm~ yes, the sexy gingerman~ Please do a Twisted OC based on him, make him the sluttiest sword bisexual king please. I'd LOVE to see that, please warn me if you ever do it!

[cressidagrey]

I can’t stop laughing cause I remember the video Yuki made for max congratulating him on being coming a dad I can totally see him doing that!! Oh my god Yuki the adorable menace saying “congrats big daddy. I can’t wait to meet your baby!” Oh I just thought that would be perfect with this announcement 😂😂😂

Ahhhh the grid knows about the baby!!!! 😂😂😂 they all are fighting over godparents rights. I can see Emilie already being picked as god mom. I don’t know who the god dad would be though maybe lewis or Fernando or Carlos or Seb or Kimi maybe I say them because they’re more level headed when it comes to something of those responsibilities

Here’s my list of what I think is yes good for baby and no baby for them

Lando… he’s self explanatory

Lance no

Daniel… would need supervision

Kimi yes

Lewis yes

Carlos yes

Fernando yes

David C maybe

Nico H maybe leaning towards yes

Nico R possibly

Esteban maybe

Oscar yes more so than Lando

George yes

Alex maybe

Seb yes

Checo Yes

Zhou maybe with supervision

Logan no baby would come back with a cowboy hat and an American flag onesie

Valtteri maybe

I’m so excited for belle I’m really hoping it’s a boy cause I can see that little one adoring horses ride the colt Galahad when he’s they both are of riding age.

Also I noticed that Charles didn’t comment under belles recent post which means he’s taking step to give her space hopefully and letting what it means sink in fully. Alex is slowly redeeming herself hopefully Charlotte will also make an appearance at some point to apologize and maybe have a sit down with belle wirhout Lorenzo hovering close by. Arthur is doing amazing and being the brothers who’s stepping up and making an effort to realize his mistakes and truly be there for his sister.

I loved every second of this chapter and I am just so excited for the baby!!! Ahhh Galahad is born and is the new beginning belle needed for her horse journey once more.

Sorry for the ramble but I had to say something about this masterpiece of a chapter

Your message is the exact energy I needed today — absolute ✨masterpiece ramble✨ energy.

First of all, “Congrats, big daddy!” from Yuki is 1000% canon in this universe and I’m now officially adding it to my brain. That man would record a video on a whim, send it to the wrong group chat, and just go, “oops” while everyone else spirals.

Your godparent rankings?? Impeccable. Logan absolutely returns the Verstappen baby in full Stars & Stripes regalia, and I haven’t stopped laughing at that visual. And your top picks (Emilie + one of the Level Headed Uncles™) are chef’s kissperfect — I love that you included Kimi, Seb, Lewis, and Fernando especially. If it turns into a grid-wide custody battle over the godfather title… I fear Max may need a helmet.

Also yes to the colt Galahad and a little boy Verstappen growing up together?? Come on. You're absolutely right: that’s the new beginning Belle never got to have before, and now it’s hers.

And you nailed the read on Charles, Alex, and Arthur. Charles may finally be getting quiet — and for once, maybe he’ll actually listen. We’ll see. 👀

Thank you so much for this — your excitement is contagious in the best way. 

[thenightshadowqueen]

SFTH moments that live rent-free in my head, part 2 (in no particular order)

Because apparently I have more.

“Mmm, but I’m poison and you love it”

Creepy Jim 🏳️‍🌈

The hat-nose letter

“STOPINTHENAMEOFTHELAAAWWWW!!!”

Sam losing his fucking mind during the expert game in HUGE

“Mr. André Beetroot, you’re my hero!” “Ah, I don’t like you.”

Luke as the horny goblin

Tom’s whole speech as Locomotion—it was so fucking gorgeous and it’s in my head all the time (especially “I’m older than the devil, sir” and “I am the Silver Line and the Silver Line is me!”)

“Don’t let the constant mental breakdowns get you down.”

The bit in the Suspicious Crème Brûlée where Sam yanks Luke around by his hair

“AJ stays with Luke…” (I’m sorry in advance for getting this stuck in your head)

Luke taking his trousers off in Nigel (and then using that to get Tom to do it in My First Bra)

“Lovely little Luke Manning!”

AJ’s rap about Disney princesses (Worst thing I’ve ever seen. 10/10.)

Tom holding up a fucking buttplug during one of the COVID livestreams????? (Also I can’t for the life of me remember which one it was and if anyone knows that would be very appreciated because I’m half-convinced it was a fever dream)

“Gavin, obviously there’s a difference.” (I don’t know what it is, but the way Tom says it has captivated me)

The Jane Austen bit in West End Big Boys

“Grab her by the face and DON’T LET GO! Because sometimes they run away and LEAVE YOU!”

“I’m just a writer, and I like to ride bikes. I’m not weird, I’m not strange; I enjoy juices, and I have a good family.”

“When the wind doth blow/to and fro/you must get your shit together/and fuck up them hoes”

The kiss in the prom Timewarp, and especially the way AJ and Tom were cheering them on

Also the kiss in the “what not to do with your coworkers” video, because the way Luke throws three of his limbs in the air at once is glorious

“Husband! Husband!” “Oh, darling, you’ve been down in the basement—” “The chinchilla’s a FUCKING NAZI!”

Sam calling AJ “CrossFit Voldemort”

On that note, “He looked a little bit like Henry Cavill if he had a wasting disease” (and Tom’s little sassy head movement in response)

“You’re keeping me on tenterhooks, like a piece of sirloin.”

The scene Tom and Sam did for Tom’s anniversary

“The camper the German, the more likely they are to win.”

“You said it was water under the bridge.” “Aye, and you know what’s good at drowning people?”

Giggly Luke from Hornchurch

The booba looba (and AJ’s glorious reaction to it)

“Can I call you Tony?” “You can, but my name’s David.” (“So, Tony—”)

Jackson from the COVID livestreams (“Sit in the well-done corner and just shut up.”)

Sam’s fucking apocalypse plan (which is still in my head despite my best efforts)

“I just wanted to have the talk.” “The talk? The boob talk?” “The boob talk that all women must have with their mothers.”

The wife from the casino scene (it’s the accent)

“Do you need a lie-down?” “I thought I already was.”

“Larger than a man, smaller than a dream”

Moriarty-Sherlock mental fuck chess

“Capitalism is blood!” “CHANGE!” “Communism is yoghurt!”

Tom bring an absolute menace during Puppets

“God bless the British Transport Police” (said in the most ‘what am I doing with my life’ voice I’ve ever heard)

“Stay on your stool bitch boy”

“Get your hand out of my car”

[definitelynothim-notalex]

Lost Boys x Chel-Coded Reader Headcanons

David:

Immediately obsessed.

Loves your sharp wit, sneaky ways, and the way you flirt with danger like it’s nothing.

Watches you steal stuff right under people’s noses and just smirks like “That’s my girl.”

Admires how you’re always one step ahead.

The type to lean in close, smirking while you tease him, fully knowing he’s about to fall for your tricks again.

Possessive as hell when other guys flirt with you, though.

Dwayne:

Tries to play it cool but secretly enchanted by your confidence and fire.

Lowkey loves when you sass him.

Gets a little smug when you sneak up behind him and steal stuff from his pocket just to mess with him.

Always has his hands on you, pulling you onto his lap to keep you close.

Protective when shit gets serious.

Marko:

Unhinged partners-in-crime energy.

Constantly stealing snacks, jewelry, clothes, whatever — for fun.

You two are a chaotic, flirty, kleptomaniac menace.

Marko loves how you’re dummy thick and isn’t shy about smacking your ass in public.

“Goddamn, you make being bad look good.”

Paul:

Absolutely head over heels.

“Bro, she’s so hot it hurts.”

You tease him constantly and he loves every second of it.

Paul is a sucker for your flirtatious taunts and your thick thighs.

Encourages your chaos like “Yeah babe, take his wallet too!”

Michael:

At first, he’s like woah, she’s a lot.

But ends up lowkey crushing hard.

Blushes every time you call him “handsome” and pinch his cheek.

Tries to act responsible but will totally help you sneak stuff when nobody’s looking.

Star:

Loves your queen energy.

Becomes your bestie instantly.

You two hype each other up constantly.

She’s the only one who can keep up with your sneaky plans.

Both of you tease the boys relentlessly.

Bonus: The Boys Watching You Walk Away:

Absolute silence.

Eyes glued.

Marko: “I’d die for her.”

Paul: “I’d kill for her.”

Dwayne: “I’d do both.”

David: “I already claimed her.”

.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

today I've been reminded of detective comics annual 8, which is my favorite of ed's comic appearances, so I thought I'd ask you what's your favorite riddle guy comic and why?

god DC annual #8 makes me INSANE that's like. pure distilled Riddler sauce right there. absolute platonic ideal of the Riddler. he is perfect to me. somebody surgically wire that into Tom King's brain before they ever let him write the Riddler again I swear to god.

I'm still working on my New Earth read through so I'm finding new faves all the time, but as of this exact minute some faves:

I fucking hate to hand it to Chuck Dixon but Detective Comics #705-707 (Dixon, Graham Nolan, and David Roach, 1997) is so so good. like he's literally just trying to do a stupid baseball heist and blow up Cluemaster while he's at it. THAT is a Riddler story, babey. Echo and Query are even there!!!

Impulse #48 (Bill Messner-Loebs and Craig Rousseau, 1999) is just a spectacular one off Riddler appearance, namely because you get the strong impression that if left alone with Bart for like. two hours. Eddie would probably willingly kill himself. very fun watching his schtick absolutely crumble in the face of a speedster.

Batman Adventures Vol. 2 (worked on by like half a dozen different writers, 2003). honestly the BTAS version of the Riddler was never anything spectacular to me - he's fun, not a standout - but goddd he rules so hard in the sequel comics. he's (once again) retired and made legitimate money, so now he's so desperately bored he's harassing Batman with stupid non-crimes until Batman snaps and just starts using him as a private detective so he'll have something to do. mwah.

Batman Confidential #26-28 (Nunzio DeFilippis, Christina Weir, Kevin Nowlan, and José Luis García-López, 2009), which is collected as Batman: King Tut's Tomb. another banger story, it has everything I like. namely, the Riddler being so annoying that Batman lets him work a case with him and bitchy buddy comedy shenanigans ensue. and King Tut is there!

Dinner for Two (Ram V and Phil Hester) in Strange Love Adventures (2022) #1 is so... like they just went for it. they said fuck it the Riddler bisexual and spending his Valentine's Day making Batman hang out with him to complain about how he's lonely. make of that whatever you want.

Catwoman: Lonely City (Cliff Chiang, 2022). an older, widowed Riddleguy who's kicked his riddle habit (in addition to, apparently, a pretty brutal coke problem) and is settled in to running slightly more normal grifts with his adorable daughter Edelia. look at them. I have to show you this because I just like Chiang's art so so much, look at themmm

also obligatory shoutout to the Riddler appearance of all time, whichever issue of Bruce Wayne: Murderer?/Fugitive is the one where he's crashing at Stephanie Brown's house being a fucking menace and Black Canary kicks him out on his ass in five seconds flat while he's wearing a fluffy yellow bathrobe. and also kicks Cluemaster out of his own house for good measure.