#can you tell I love rambling and playing with the color options for text | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cto10121 · 3 years ago

Text

Why Does the Nurse Prefer Paris to Romeo?

After she returns from meeting Romeo, and Juliet desperately asks her what he said about their marriage, the Nurse goes into this humorous but very telling speech:

Nurse. Well, you have made a simple choice. You know not how to choose a man. Romeo? No, not he. Though his face be better than any man’s, yet his leg excels all men’s, and for a hand and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare. He is not the flower of courtesy, but I’ll warrant him as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench. Serve God.

I find this fascinating.

Notice how the Nurse doesn’t really say why Romeo is the dumb choice, or what her problem with him is, but goes into another one of her comic desultory ramblings, this time on Romeo’s hotness that seems to undermine her assertion. The only true criticism or justification she offers is merely that “He is not the flower of courtesy,” and even that is mitigated by a compliment to Romeo’s character (“as gentle as a lamb”). While this is obvious foreshadowing for the Nurse’s betrayal of Juliet and her “Romeo is a dishclout to [Paris]” line, she never offers a good explanation as to why she thinks Romeo isn’t good enough for Juliet, and that she could do better. By contrast, she praises Paris and tells Juliet no less than three times in that same speech that he is better than Romeo.

It’s particularly noteworthy since in the Act 2, Scene 4 scene when they meet, it’s clear that the Nurse likes Romeo. She laughs at and appreciates his roasting Mercutio (“Marry, well said!”). Despite the fact that he is clearly friends with Mercutio et al. who mock her shamelessly, she is unfailingly polite (“Pray you, sir, a word”) and nice, as if she considers him different from the rest. Her warning to him not to toy with Juliet’s feelings is clearly a pre-made speech she would have given anyway. She feels comfortable enough to go on her ramblings—even telling him about Paris and how Juliet hates him and how she ~mysteriously blanches when she tells her Paris is better! So what’s with the sudden Team Paris stuff?

Well, I have my theories, and they may even shed some light not only as to the purpose of this little speech, but what it reveals about the Nurse’s character and her role, ultimately, as Juliet’s foil, in similar ways Mercutio acts as Romeo’s. So let’s speculate.

Theory 1: The Nurse Thinks Romeo Is Too Callow/Immature

While the Nurse clearly doesn’t hold the mockery of hi Romeo’s wily friends against him, she still caught Romeo in his male camaraderie and may have concluded that Romeo, while better than those “scurvy knaves,” is still a callow youth, wet behind the ears. That would explain the use of “simple” (meaning dumb) instead of just “wrong.” She is shocked that he was capable of killing Tybalt (although to her view she would have assumed it had been in cold blood). She isn’t all surprised to see him weeping disconsolately on the floor of the Friar’s cell (although that is because Juliet is doing the exact same thing, and she says so). She also—tellingly—tells him to stand up and “be a man,” so she obviously has bought into the cultural notion of masculinity that does not allow the free expression of excessive emotion from men. Paris is much more self-possessed and composed, even while he’s mourning Juliet, and older besides; that may be enough to prefer him for Juliet, especially if the Nurse thinks a mature man can help Juliet adjust through the trials of marriage and motherhood better.

Against this, however, is the Nurse’s description of Romeo as a dishclout (dishrag) to Paris’ “eagle.” If Romeo’s supposed immaturity was her main objection to him, then she would have said a baby eagle or some equivalent animal or object associated with youth—small, weak, and mewling. Also, Juliet may be smart, but she is still 13. The Nurse no doubt lowkey sees her as still a little girl herself, one she personally raised, so thinking Romeo is too immature for her makes little sense. They both behave in similar ways. Romeo also consistently reads older by at least 3-4 years and his behavior in his play does not mark him as any less mature than his friends or Tybalt—or, frankly, most of the adults in this play.

Theory 2: The Nurse Prefers Paris Because He Is of a Higher Social Rank/Wealthier Than Romeo

Paris is kinsman to the Prince, and Romeo is the heir of Montague; it’s a no-brainer which one has the higher rank. Paris also reads as an older man, though he too dies with the rest of the youths of the play (there is some ambiguity definitely re: his age). The Nurse seems to have some materialistic leanings, as when she rather gleefully tells Romeo at the Capulet ball: “I tell you, he that can lay a hold of her / Shall have the chinks” and social climbing tendencies as when she gives herself airs in front of Mercutio et al. and tells Peter to hand over her fan. She makes only a token resistance to Romeo’s coin offer and accepts it immediately at his mild insistence. There are definite classist vibes in her “Romeo’s a dishclout compared to [Paris]” line. A rag is a low, plain/ugly, used, faded, common item; an eagle is a noble animal that soars the skies. It may emphasize the Nurse’s belief that Romeo is dime-a-dozen in terms of youths go, and that Paris is “rare.”

Against this, however, is the fact that the Nurse doesn’t bring up materialistic or mercenary considerations in her marry-Paris speech even though it would have been apropos. Also, the social difference between Romeo and Paris is probably not even significant; Romeo was able to be friends with Mercutio, also PE’s kinsman, with no trouble, after all. Romeo is the heir of Montague, a family of the same social class with Juliet’s; while the family’s fortunes would not drastically improve, there would be no social shame in a match, and in fact the Friar counts on it in his plans. Paris would be a much nicer match, of course, but not one to overthrow all consideration of Juliet’s feelings. If the Nurse did have class considerations, they must have been unconscious ones. This is an English play, after all, by an English writer writing a lower class character; class is never far behind.

Theory 3: The Nurse Thinks Paris Is Hotter Than Romeo (and Hotter=Better)

The first half at least is definitely canon. The Nurse consistently raises up the question of Romeo’s hotness vis-à-vis Paris. On one side, Paris is consistently her favorite, the one that “excels” Romeo, the one she has stated more than once that she prefers. “An eagle” doesn’t have “so fair an eye” as Paris, and Romeo’s the “dishclout.” Paris is the flower of Verona, Paris is a man of wax, etc. The very first thing she says after telling Juliet that she thinks it’s best to marry Paris is that he is a “lovely gentleman” (although that could also easily refer to his personality).

On the other hand, the Nurse explicitly says that Romeo’s face “be better than any man’s.” (Even better than Paris’? ~Surely not). It is the Nurse, not Juliet, who lewdly blazons Romeo’s body parts; Juliet, even at her most horny in “Gallop apace,” never talks about Romeo in this way. It’s as if the Nurse views the Romeo-Juliet-Paris drama as a YA novel and she is the fangirl resolutely on #TeamParis, writing steadily long meta rants on Tumblr about how Paris is the sophisticated/more mature/nicer option and Romeo is the mediocre/basic/nice guy—all the while writing R/J fanfic because hey, Romeo is super hot too.

Considering the Nurse’s obsession with these men’s looks and physical beauty, she would prefer the one who is most handsome for Juliet or who she thinks is the most handsome. How she eventually did settle firmly on the Team Paris camp is uncertain, since a furious Juliet rages on how she hypocritically trashed Romeo even when she had “praised him with above compare / So many thousand times?” Juliet may have been exaggerating the number in her hurt and betrayal, but we literally do see the Nurse liking Romeo physically—explicitly so in ways she doesn’t do with Paris—and personally. Perhaps her likening Romeo to a dishclout compared to Paris was an exaggerated, blunt way to persuade Juliet to drop him. Conversely, she could have just been humoring Juliet when she praised Romeo “with above compare,” just as she might have been hastily placating Juliet when, in her marry-Paris speech, she says, “O he [Paris] is a lovely gentleman!”

In any case, the Nurse’s valuing physical beauty shows her shallowness, which is part-and-parcel to her role as Juliet’s foil. Notice how Juliet doesn’t go into detail as to Romeo’s appearance and neither does Romeo for Juliet. This is partially logistical, as Shakespeare, being trained for the theater, learned to avoid specifying character appearance. But the absence also indicates that R&J’s love are not based on trivial details such as hair or eye color, much less body type. They obviously find each other physically attractive, but it’s more what they mean to each other. The Nurse doesn’t understand that, and Juliet’s irritation and impatience when she goes on a tangent on Romeo’s excelling leg: “But all of this I have known before.” Yes, my Romeo is hot and the sky is blue, can we move on?

Which Theory?

Barring more information from the text, I feel Theory 3 is the most supported and the most likely, although 1 and 2 have their strong points. A little bit of all three wouldn’t be out of the question. The main problem is that the Nurse doesn’t bring up potential valid objections, like Romeo’s killing Tybalt (!!), which Presgurvic’s RetJ did, only the logistical difficulty of Romeo being in Mantua and Juliet in Verona “and [her] no use of him” in the sense that Juliet can’t enjoy Romeo sexually. The emotional callousness the Nurse displays here is part-and-parcel with the Capulets’ overall emotional callousness and shallowness, especially towards Tybalt’s death (see Capulet’s “Well, we are all born to die”—compare that to Romeo’s genuinely regretful, “Forgive me, cousin” speech to Tybalt’s tomb).

In that sense the Nurse’s emotional shallowness is obviously meant to contrast with Juliet’s love and commitment to Romeo and even her lewd praise of him contrast with Juliet’s rapturous praise.

In sum: While the Nurse is much more supportive of R&J than the Friar, she prefers Paris and not only doesn’t hesitate to tell Juliet of it, it also informs her advising Juliet to marry Paris. This creates a bit of a mystery since she never goes into any explanation as to why she prefers Paris or even why Romeo would make a poor choice. Most likely she is just playing YA love triangle games and going back and forth as to which one is hotter/which one Juliet should date (the verdict? Team Paris).

(P.S. Another, slightly nerdy addition—on the Nurse’s “He is not the flower of courtesy, but I’ll warrant him as a gentle as a lamb.” Gentle in Shakespeare is almost always used in the sense of being well-regarded, honorable, virtuous, or simply having the qualities of a gentleman. The Nurse’s use of it to mean “soft or sweet” is the first time I’ve seen Shakespeare employ the word in the modern sense. To make absolutely sure, I checked David and Ben Crystal’s Shakespeare’s Words: A Glossary and Language Companion, and sure enough there was no definition close to “soft/kind/sweet” under the gentle entries (noun, verb, adjective). It could be that this was a small oversight and the dictionary has been updated since then, but the entries looked comprehensive enough. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time Shakespeare employed a word in what we would recognize as its modern sense. (Any Shakespearean nut remembers any other time Shakespeare uses gentle in the modern sense? Hit me up if you find anything.)

Anyway, my personal headcanon is that the modern sense of the word could have been extant, if not widely used, a sort of slang that a lower-class character like the Nurse, when she is not putting on airs, would employ. If so, perhaps Shakespeare could have intended a small malapropism (the Nurse commits many of them) his mainstream audience would find amusing. Because of course, if Romeo were gentle, lamblike or not, then he would de facto be courteous—a key part of gentility is courtesy! So it would seem, to Elizabethan audiences, that the Nurse, in employing some peasant slang, accidentally employs a ridiculous contradiction. Cue laughter—oh that Nurse!

As for “gentle as a lamb”…Romeo is indeed lovely and sweet to Juliet and even his Mercutio roasts are more fond than cutting, but while he is patient and considerate with the Nurse—he insists on giving her some coin for her trouble—he reads mostly bemused by her. Not so much “gentle” in the modern sense of the word. But the Nurse herself is not very observant nor very emotionally perceptive, so it lends a little more credence to Theory 1 in that she thinks of Romeo as just a kid, nothing more.)

#romeo and juliet #rj meta #r&j meta #cristina metas #i just can’t help thinking about juliet listening to her nurse thirsting after romeo #only for the nurse to say she should marry paris and that paris is better #the top ten anime betrayals for sure

4 notes · View notes

sanjisock · 5 years ago

Text

keep playing that song (hey mister dj)

ao3

Usopp isn’t scared.

The stranger might be a tall, burly dude with one eye, two large scars, and muscles that could rival a god’s, but Usopp is not scared. Nope. Sure, the guy could probably crush Usopp’s head if he does so much as flex , and the scars seem to indicate that he’s trained in some kind of deadly martial arts, and even without all those things he’s still big enough to be able to beat Usopp up into a pulp through sheer strength, and —

Okay, so Usopp might be a little scared.

But it’s not his fault, okay! Who can blame him for being scared when their usual hangout place-slash-music studio is suddenly occupied by such a scary-looking man! Scars, green hair (is that natural color ?), earrings…all signs seem to point to him being a delinquent, if not a yakuza . And on top of that — are those swords lying on top of him? Real swords? Three of them?

The only saving grace of it all is the fact that the man is sleeping soundly, so it’s unlikely that he could kill Usopp right now. Maybe. Usopp isn’t ruling out the possibility that the man could identify weaker life forces in his sleep and eliminate them accordingly, Drunken Master-style.

Usopp yelps when the door to the studio swings open.

“Yohoho, you’re here early, Usopp!” Brook greets with a wave and, completely unperturbed by the existence of the Scary Green Man, makes his way to his guitar. The others start filing in behind Brook one by one, chatting among themselves.

“All right, I’m going to get started over here,” Sanji announces to the group as he starts plugging things up onto his booth, before pointing at the keyboard. “Oi, Usopp, those keys aren’t going to play themselves.”

Okay, so they are not acknowledging this.

Okay. Usopp’s fine with that. Usopp’s good with that. He knows all the wise words like let sleeping dogs lie — or, in this case, let green-haired men with visible battle scars and three swords lie so nobody (read: Usopp) gets maimed and/or fatally injured. He can work with that, sure.

The session starts, and it does get easier to ignore the man when you’re enjoying the music. Before Usopp realizes, they’ve been playing for a couple of hours, made plans for the next jam sessions, and bid their goodbyes. He’s three blocks away on his bicycle before the whole thing dawns on him.

Who the hell was that man?

When Usopp opens the door to the studio, the green-haired man is still sleeping on the couch.

Usopp closes the door again.

All right. Back up. It’s been a week since their last jam session, but somehow the man is still there. Usopp is a smart, rational man — he can work this out.

Option one: the man is a homeless man who somehow has found his way to the studio and started living there. Possibly dangerous, but enough grounds to call the cops. This, however, doesn’t explain why no one seems to be aware of the man’s existence, which leads to the other possibility —

Option two: the man is actually a ghost haunting the studio and Usopp, being the amazing and attentive man that he is, is the only person who could see him, and now he has to find a way for the ghost to move on or he will drag Usopp down to hell with him.

Usopp laughs at his own idea, opens the door again, just as Sanji drops onto the sofa, right beside the man’s head, all-too-close and completely oblivious to the proximity.

Option two, it is.

Usopp is mentally chanting some exorcism spells in his head when Sanji suddenly calls out, “you’re just going to stand around there or what?”

“Ah, right, was just, checking some texts on my phone,” he replies, half-rambling, hoping Sanji would buy some of the lies he’s selling. He quickly scrambles towards the keyboard. “Just gonna practice some variations first before we start.”

“Okay, I’ll wait for the others to come in before setting up,” Sanji says, half-distracted by the book he’s currently reading. If he notices that Usopp is more on edge than usual, he doesn’t point it out, and simply returns to his book.

Usopp takes the opportunity to make some observations.

The situation is downright baffling , because Sanji, generally, is not a tactile person. That’s more of Luffy’s thing — throwing his limbs all over his friends and wrapping them in hugs like a monkey would to a tree. Sanji generally keeps his distance, even with friends, and especially male ones.

But right now, Sanji somehow looks completely comfortable beside the green-haired man, despite the closeness. His shoulders are slumped comfortably against the backrest, with only one hand holding the book — his other hand rests on the empty spot near the man’s head, and Usopp thinks he’s started hallucinating, because — are those fingers absentmindedly playing with the man’s hair?

Men-are-lowly-creatures Sanji? Playing with another man’s hair?

Usopp is beginning to question his own sanity.

Usopp swears he is cursed, because how else could he find himself in a room with the man. Again. With no one else around.

And because the universe hates him, the man suddenly snorts, yawns, and blinks awake.

Usopp has half the mind to run out of the room, and doesn’t do it only because he’s pretty sure the man is like a wild beast that can sense fear. Instead he stays rooted to his spot as the man blearily looks around before finally noticing Usopp’s presence.

Their eyes meet. The man blinks again, before frowning. “Who are you?”

“That’s my question,” Usopp wants to yell at the top of his lungs, which he does, except it’s more of a whisper, and he’s also jumping behind the DJ table. Just in case. “Wait, you can see me?”

The man continues to frown at him. “Why can’t I?”

“You’re alive,” Usopp can’t help pointing out instead.

“...Yeah?” The man looks like he’s questioning Usopp’s mental health, but he also doesn’t look like he’s going to stab anyone anytime soon, so Usopp considers this a win. The man runs his hand through his hair. “Look, I assume you know the Cook.”

The Cook. There can only be one person in their group that fits the nickname. “Sanji. Yeah,” Usopp quickly says, “I’m Sanji’s friend. Also in the band. The name’s Usopp, by the way.”

“Heard ‘bout you. I’m Zoro,” the man — Zoro — introduces himself. And — doesn’t elaborate.

“Right,” Usopp responds, mostly to fill in the silence, “you, uh, you know Sanji?”

It seems like the natural direction for the conversation to take, but it earns him another look from Zoro. “Seriously? The Cook never…” he pauses, before groaning. “Of course he hasn’t. Bet he’s told you more about Nami than he does about me, huh.”

Usopp knows Nami — she’s a friend from Sanji’s university, and sometimes she’d drop by and help with the band’s finances. Zoro, on the other hand... “Look, I’m sorry, man, but all I know is that you’re this guy who started coming into our practice sessions and slept throughout the whole thing.”

“Because it’s boring as hell, that’s why,” Zoro says, before quickly adding, “no offense.”

“None taken, I know it’s not everyone’s thing. Although —” Usopp gulps, wonders if the question is appropriate, but curiosity got the best of him. “If it’s boring to you, why are you here?”

Zoro surprisingly blushes at that. He rubs the back of his neck in a shocking display of embarrassment. “Well, don’t tell him this, but —” he clears his throat, clearly flustered, before mumbling, “the Shit Cook said he’d be happy if I come and support and shit like that.”

“Come and support,” Usopp echoes, brain refusing to work. “Sanji wants you to... come and support him.”

“Yeah, you know,” Zoro says. “As his boyfriend.”

Usopp chokes on air at that. The ghost theory would’ve made so much more sense. Really .

“I wish I could’ve seen your face,” Sanji says in between peals of laughter, “you really thought this Mosshead was a ghost ?”

“It seems to be the most plausible explanation at the time, okay,” Usopp retorts, indignant. In his defense, it would be less surprising than this whole... boyfriend thing.

It’s not like Usopp has a problem with his male friend getting a boyfriend — god, no, not that. But this is Sanji . Woman-loving, romance-obsessed Sanji, who wouldn’t shut up about how it is a gentleman’s duty to take good care of ladies, or how women are so much more beautiful than gross, uncultured men.

That very same Sanji is currently sitting with Zoro’s arm around his back, his head resting comfortably on Zoro’s shoulder. Zoro’s hand is in Sanji’s hair, the gesture familiar, and Sanji clearly preens under the attention like a cat.

“Sorry, I forgot you weren’t there during Nami’s birthday,” Sanji says after he’s finally done laughing, “that’s when I first brought Zoro to meet the band.”

“Wait. Nami’s birthday?” The timeline doesn't add up — “Oh my god, Sanji, that was six months ago .”

Sanji shrugs, “yeah, my bad, I just kinda assumed everyone knew after that.”

Usopp is reeling from it all, because it’s just one revelation after another — not only Sanji started dating a man, Zoro isn’t even some random fling; they might even be going steady . Something he hasn’t seen Sanji do since he was fifteen and got his heart broken by a girl Usopp can’t even remember the name of anymore.

It’s turning Usopp’s world upside down, except when it’s — not. He never considered the possibility before, but looking back, it makes perfect sense. Sanji, with all his self-sabotaging insecurities, would find comfort in Zoro, who is clearly a man of actions. Sweet nothings would’ve done nothing to Sanji, but Zoro, who comes in to his boyfriend’s band practices despite his lack of interest, just because it’d make Sanji happy...Usopp can’t help but smile at the thought.

“Oi, what are you grinning for, Long Nose,” Sanji points out. “That’s creepy.”

“Nah, I was just thinking how sweet it is that Zoro would come to our band practices to support you,” Usopp answers without thinking. “He told me he got bored by it, but he still comes in because you want him to.”

Usopp watches the two men in front of him blush simultaneously at his words as Sanji disentangles himself from Zoro’s arm and sits up straighter. “What? The Marimo told you that?”

“I told you not to tell him!” Zoro growls, and looks away when Sanji turns to him with wide eyes. He buries his face in his hand, but even Usopp can see the blush reach the tips of Zoro’s ears. Sanji beams at the sight, and Usopp has never seen him so happy.

It’s sweet, and Usopp is happy for Sanji, but he still doesn’t want them to start making out here, ew, so he clears his throat.

Zoro and Sanji jump away from each other, clearly having forgotten about the only other person in the room. Sanji instantly scrambles to his feet and make his way to the DJ table, blabbering, “anyway, uh, I’m going to set things up, you just be a good boy and wait there as usual.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zoro says, plopping back into the sofa, but Usopp notices how Zoro doesn’t immediately go to sleep like usual. Instead, his gaze lands on Sanji.

Zoro doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who beams, but right now there’s one of those little smiles on his face, the kind that someone wears when they think no one is looking. It erases the hard lines on his face, and there’s a flash of something — soft , in the way his gaze clings onto Sanji’s back.

Zoro is not so scary after all.

#opfanfic #zosan #roronoa zoro #sanji #usopp #one piece #based on color spread 981

93 notes · View notes

connorandersons-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Little Connor!

Rating: General Word count: 2,449 Warnings: None Ship: Connor/RK900 (Nines), RK1700 Summary: Nines scans Connor and tilts his head just slightly. "Connor?"

Connor pulls the blanket around him tighter but holds Nines's gaze. Nines's LED flashes yellow before going back to blue.

"So, are you staying or going?" Hank asks, crossing his arms. Nines blinks and looks between Hank and Connor, he can't discern any emotions on his face. That was pretty common but generally, it would be less anxiety-inducing than it was now.

There was a long pause where Connor was sure Nines would leave, then he nodded.

DO NOT SEXUALIZE THIS! This is completely non-sexual and the age regression in this is used as a coping method (something I do myself)

That being said, hope you enjoy!

~Text Messages~ Bold: Hank Italicized: RK900/Nines

----------------------------

Connor sat on the ground a soft blanket over his shoulders as he played with the bead maze. Hank had turned on Finding Nemo (which he had watched exactly 78 times already) while he made himself dinner.

Connor was content to just sit there but then Hank's phone started to ring, bringing him out of his headspace just slightly. Hank's phone ringing almost always meant a new case, and that meant Connor had to go back to his mature, adult headspace.

"Hello? Uh, yeah… no, it's fine, give me like thirty minutes, ok? No, yeah… yeah, I know. Alright, see you then." Hank said, sighing and glancing over at Connor.

Sumo slowly got up from his spot at Connor's side and went over to Hank. Connor whined and grabby hands at him but pouted when Sumo stayed near Hank.

"Hey kiddo, I need to go, Gavin needs me," Hank says, crouching down in front of him. Connor pouted again, but at least it wasn't a case. This was their day off and they both wanted to spend it at home, together.

Connor had been spending lots of time with Nines, and Hank had been spending time with Gavin. So this was their day to spend together.

Connor had woken up to thirium pancakes and all of his toys set out. Connor had grinned so widely his cheeks ached.

He easily slipped into headspace as he colored after breakfast, handing the finished product to Hank.

Hank had grinned, telling him how good it looked before putting it on the fridge.

"I can call Nines, I'm sure he'd love to take care of you," Hank suggested, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Connor quickly shook his head. "Nuh! He'll hate me." He mumbled, fiddling with his blanket.

He had wanted to bring this up with Nines but his fear of it going poorly held him back. They had been dating for almost a year now and he didn't want to ruin it because he couldn't cope like a normal android.

"Kiddo, he won't hate you. He looks at you like you hung the fucking sun. You could murder someone and he'd just help you get rid of the body." Hank said, ruffling Connor's hair.

Connor glanced down at his blanket and toys. It was rare that he got the chance to do this with how hectic his life had been. He could just play alone but it was always better and easier to stay in his headspace with Hank around.

Hank sighed and looked at Connor. "Look, I'd prefer if someone was with you but I can leave you alone. Nines could come here or you could go to him."

Connor bit at the inside of his cheek as he thought. He'd definitely prefer to have this conversation when he's not in his headspace but, maybe it would be better for Nines to see it himself.

He slowly nods his head, looking up at Hank. Hank smiles and ruffles his hair again before standing. "I'll call Nines and ask him to come over."

Conner nods and goes back to playing but this time it's more half-hearted. He didn't listen when Hank made the call, just watched the movie.

His mind was racing with thoughts of what could happen. There was the possibility Nines would get here, take one look at Connor and break up with him.

Or, Nines could pretend to be ok with it and then grow to resent him. That was definitely worse than the first option.

There was the option that Nines accepted it but didn't want to be involved with this part of him, which Connor would understand.

Then there was the incredibly small chance that Nines would be fine with it, and want to be a part of this side of him.

Of course, he'd love for Nines to at least be ok to sit with him, but if he wasn't then he'd be fine. He had to be. He needed this, but he also wanted Nines. He wanted Nines to accept him, wanted Nines to accept all of him.

Sometime later there was a knock at the door and Connor straightened up slightly. He is so tempted to just curl into a ball and cover himself with his blanket, but instead, he just curls into himself slightly.

Hank walks over to the door, glancing at Connor. He knows Hank will tell Nines to get lost if Connor had changed his mind. Connor swallows thickly and nods his head.

Hank slowly opens the door and lets Nines in. Nines glances around then to the living room where Connor hunches in on himself.

Connor is wearing a very large shirt (it was Hank's but it was large even on him), shorts, and soft fuzzy socks. Nines is wearing his usual outfit, a black button-up, and jeans.

Nines scans Connor and tilts his head just slightly. "Connor?"

Connor pulls the blanket around him tighter but holds Nines's gaze. Nines's LED flashes yellow before going back to blue.

There was a long pause where Connor was sure Nines would leave, then he nodded. "I'll stay. Is there anything specific he'll need or want? Anything I shouldn't do?"

Connor sagged in relief. He would stay, but there was still the chance of resentment.

"Don't let him out everything in his mouth, he tries it with everything. He won't talk much, if at all if he does it's mostly just random sounds. Don't bring up cases or work, it'll pull him out." Hank says. "If I think of anything I'll text you, but if you have questions just let me know."

Nines nods and moves towards Connor, petting Sumo as he goes.

"Alright, kiddo. Let Nines know if you need something, and I'm just a phone call away." Hank says. Connor nods at him and gives him a small wave. Hank waves back, gives a pointed look to Nines before leaving.

Nines makes his way over, sitting down on the edge of the couch. "I have looked up what to do but I may still make mistakes, so I apologize for that."

Connor nodded then looked around. He crawled over to what he was looking for then back to Nines. He held up his stuffed elephant Hank had gotten him. It was the first stuffie Hank had gotten him after they had realized what was going on. It was definitely one of his favorites.

Nines looked at Connor then back at the elephant, slowly reaching out. Connor gave him a slight nod and Nines took the elephant. Connor watches him with wide eyes as Nines looked at the elephant.

Nines held it carefully, unsure what Connor wanted him to do with it. "Do… does it have a name?"

"Fleur." His voice comes out soft and small a higher-pitched than it normally would. Nines smiles softly and hands Fleur back.

"An excellent choice. So, what are we watching?" Nines asks, motioning to the tv. Connor bounces slightly as he looks back at the TV, slipping further and further into his headspace.

He rambles incoherently a mix of sounds and a few words. Nines nods his head and comments when appropriate seemingly understanding Connor.

At some point Connor had scooted over and was sitting between Nines's legs on the ground, holding Fleur in his lap as he watched. Nines gently carded a hand through his hair smiling just slightly (which is like a full grin for him).

Once the movie ended Connor was wiggling in place. "Are you alright?" Nines asks, trying to look at his face.

Connor whined and touched his stomach then tilted his head up to look at Nines. Androids didn't exactly get hungry but being able to eat did have an odd effect. Once the food was completely processed it left an odd feeling that was as close to hunger as androids would get.

"Ah, I'm assuming you keep android food?" Nines asks. Connor nods and touches his stomach again. Nines carefully gets up, moving to the kitchen.

'Lieutenant, Connor wants food, is there something specific I should give him?' Nines sends to Hank as he opens the fridge.

'just get him anything but cut it up for him. how is he?'

'He is doing well, we just finished watching the movie. I'll let you know if anything comes up, thank you for your help.'

Nines looks through the fridge and pulls out what is supposed to be orange juice (but it's blue), bread and peanut butter, and jelly. He makes the sandwich while making sure Connor hasn't out anything in his mouth.

He cuts the sandwich in half and looks through the counters for a cup. He finds where they are and grabs the one very obviously for Connor. It's a marvel cup with a lid and a swirly straw.

He pours in the blue orange juice, putting the lid on. He'll get Connor more if he asks but for now, he grabs the plate and cup and walks over.

He has to quickly put it all down when he sees Connor with something in his mouth.

"Connor, no. You know not to do that, now spit it out." Nines says, crouching down in front of him.

Connor ducks his head, trying to hide. Nines shakes his head fondly and reaches out to Connor's sides. It doesn't take much to get him giggling and spitting out the small soft cube. Nines doesn't stop his hands and Connor squeals trying to squirm away.

Connor's giggles and squeals are infectious and Nines can't help but let out a low laugh.

He finally lets up and Connor beams at him, scooting over and pulling him into a hug. Nines stiffens, even now unused to physical contact that wasn't due to violence. He slowly relaxes and hugs back.

"Alright... sunshine, it's time to eat." He reaches over and grabs the plate and drink. Connor makes grabby hands at the juice and Nines hands it over, making sure Connor has a good grin before letting go.

He fully sits on the ground making sure Connor doesn't make too much of a mess as he eats. He only managed to smear some jelly across his cheek and a little out of jelly and peanut butter on his hands.

Nines gets up and wets a paper towel, coming back to clean Connor up for him. Connor sits there and lets him, but once he's clean he's up and running over to his coloring books.

Nines glances at the tv and turns on a random kids show as Connor looks through the books.

Connor grins widely when he finds the one he was looking for, then grabs his crayons. This had been going so much better than he had hoped for and he knows what he wants to do next.

He flips through the book until he gets to the back pages that were empty so he could draw whatever he wanted to.

He looked at the crayons, grinning and grabbing the right one before starting to draw. He swayed slightly to the music coming from the TV. He didn't know the show but he didn't mind it. The music was fun and happy so he just swayed more to it.

Once he finished he crawled over to Nines and held it out. Nines looked between it and Connor before taking it with careful hands.

Nines looks over the drawing. It's better than what a nine-year-old would draw but it's obvious that Connor doesn't have practice with drawing. Nines can tell it's supposed to be him by the LED and blue eyes, other than that it's a bit hard to recognize.

"Thank you, this is well drawn." He doesn't know what to do with it so he puts it on the couch, out of the way of getting hurt.

Connor nods then looks around with a slight pout. He bangs his fists slightly with his blanket, pouting even more.

'Connor seems upset, and I am unsure why. He has eaten, played, and has drawn me an image.'

'ah, he probably wants a nap. the kid sleeps more than sloths. just get him into bed, he might fight you but he does want to sleep'

Nines nods mostly to himself and gets up, grabbing the plate and cup. Connor whines when he walks away so he leaves the dishes to be cleaned later.

Nines comes back over and bends down, easily picking Connor up. Connor squeaks and clings onto Nines, wrapping his legs around him.

Nines carries him to his room, placing him down gently on the bed. Connor looks around and pouts, huffing when Nines just looks at him.

"Fleur," Connor says, bouncing slightly on the bed. Right. Nines quickly walks back into the living room, finding the elephant before walking back.

Connor reaches out and Nines gives him the elephant. Connor grabs the elephant and hugs it to his chest, swaying once again.

"It's time for a nap. Do you want to change first?" Nines asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Connor huffs and glares at him over the elephant. Nines raises an eyebrow and Connor sinks down into the bed but doesn't fully lay down.

"Sleep," Nines commands. Connor's glare returns and Nines crosses his arms. "Do you want to sleep now with a story or without?"

Connor thinks for a second before crawling under the blankets and snuggling close to Nines.

Nines looks through his database before settling on Cinderella. Nines doesn't actually change his voice but he does make 'funny voices' as humans called them.

Connor giggles and slowly let his eyes close. Nines finished the story before pressing a kiss to Connor's head. He tucks him in and goes to the other side of the bed, sitting down.

'Connor is asleep.'

'good, I'll be home soon'

'Very well, I'll watch over him until then. I will want to talk to him about this, but I'd like to let you know that I fully accept him. I'd be glad to help whenever you want, or he needs.'

'good, if you upset him I was going to rip you to shreds.'

Nines smiled to himself, looking over at Connor. He lets himself relax as he watches over him. He hadn't imagined this ever happening but he was so glad he could be there for Connor. That Connor trusted him in his most valuable state.

"I love you," Nines whispered.

87 notes · View notes

t0ngue-tech · 5 years ago

Text

Up All Night

“Out of all the friends Seokjin made online, you were exceptionally precious to him for many reasons. One, you carried metal straws with you everywhere. Two, you both were majoring in the medical field. Lastly, to be frank, he liked you.”

↠ fluffy nonsense huhuhu, universityAU ↞

word count: 4.9k

↠ oneshot ↞

A/N: happy new year everyone! 2019 was a ROUGH year for me for so many reasons. i hope this new year will do me good. as a gift for the new year, here’s a little seokjin fic huhu. i hope your new years eve was a fun and safe one (im still hungover a little but im alive lmao) i also hope to put out more fics for you all to love! i love you guise so much! o and there’s a few maplestory references in this fic lol.

Eatjean: I have no idea why it stopped working. I got this watch last week

Y0urnam3: i think you should just give it some TIME

y0urnam3: get it??????

Y0urnam3: cuz it’s a WATCH!!!

Seokjin slapped a hand over his mouth, but failed to stifle the broken laugh behind his hand. He ultimately released a squeaky laugh that almost had him in tears.

“SEOKJIN. I swear to--”

“Okay! Okay! I’ll log off, Yoongi. Relax.”

Besides studying for hours on end at his desk, Seokjin also spent hours playing an online game called Maplestory. He played for years and even if he was juggling his job, social life, and college, he always made time to play. Seokjin made a lot of friends all around the world through Maplestory and even a handful of his friends in college played.

“Dude, you’ve been playing since 8:30. I have to solidify this lesson plan and I can’t concentrate with you laughing and slapping your desk every ten seconds.” Yoongi, Seokjin’s roommate, took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry, but y/n has been busy with school and we haven’t played together for a while.” Seokjin explained.

Out of all the friends Seokjin made online, you were exceptionally precious to him for many reasons. One, you carried metal straws with you everywhere. Two, you both were majoring in the medical field. Lastly, to be frank, he liked you.

Seokjin met you online through the Monster Carnival Party Quest around four months ago. Being in the last room of the party quest meant having a larger party with characters that had buffs and skills that could be beneficial to the entire team. Seokjin’s party was in need of a healer and happened to choose you, a cleric, to join the party.

For five rounds, Seokjin’s party dominated the party quest and when everyone came to the mutual decision to call it quits, everyone sent each other a buddy request and it all started off from there.

For the next few days, Seokjin found himself logging on around the same time you were online and the two of you spent time farming for mesos, helping each other out with quests, or doing rooms three and four in CPQ because the rooms only required a two-person party. This allowed you two to chat for hours, getting to know each other little by little. Of course, you both took precautions because it was the online world, anyone could be behind their screens and pretend to be someone they weren’t.

After almost a month of chatting as much as possible, you eventually began to trust Seokjin with more personal details of your life. You opened up by venting to him about how your ex-best friend decided to hook up with your newly broken up with ex-boyfriend. Seokjin easily related with you with the same story however, his story happened in high school and he found out himself because he found one of his ex-girlfriend’s blouses in his ex-best friend’s room. Seokjin understood your pain and became an emotional sounding board for you.

Even if Seokjin was your listening ear, the only other information that was shared was each other’s names and major. Honestly, Seokjin was curious about what you looked like, what your voice sounded like, but those things were privileged information that couldn’t be shared that easily. Looking each other up online probably wouldn’t be much help either because there could be a lot of people who had the same names and there would be no way to figure out for sure who was really you and vise versa.

No matter how curious he was, Seokjin respected your privacy and didn’t want to ruin the friendship he had with you.

“You make like you haven’t spoken to her in years.” Yoongi quipped as he typed away at his laptop.

“Just do your lesson plan, Mr. Teacher’s Assistant.” Seokjin laughed and launched a paper ball towards Yoongi’s direction. “I’m packing it in anyways. Y/n has an early class tomorrow.”

↠↞

There were multiple places you could’ve been and your 8 am class was definitely not your first choice.

Your professor for medical terminology had an optional 8 am course which you stupidly decided to attend. It wasn’t because you were failing, your future wouldn’t allow for that. Focusing and studying hasn’t been in your mind for a few days and you needed a refresher.

“Y/n, tell me, why am I even here right now?” Irene dropped her folder on top of the desk next to you and groaned. “I swear my bed was caressing me and begging me to stay.”

You yawned and tapped her desk. “Trust me. I also almost pressed snooze on my alarm but you promised you’d go with me and a promise is a promise.”

“Yeah, yeah, and you promised you were going to treat me to breakfast after this soooo…”

Fifteen minutes felt like four days. Your professor stood at the front of the class rambling on, clicking through his slides while everyone stared back at him with hollow eyes.

You glanced over at Irene who had half-lidded eyes and lazily swung her pen in between her fingers. She was probably daydreaming about the french toast and hot coffee from the diner across campus.

You found yourself doodling in the corner of your notebook with rough sketches of orange mushrooms, slimes, and a family of snails. The corner of your paper was starting to look like a miniature version of Henesys hunting grounds.

Forty-five minutes dragged on by and your professor finally let the class go. You and Irene both had a 10 am class which was why you promised her breakfast; to pass time and to have girl time.

“Are you sure I can order the french toast and waffles? We’re both broke ass college students, you know.” Irene handed her menu to the waitress and smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine. We haven’t hung out in a while, so it’s okay.” You assured her.

“That’s because you’re always playing Maplestory.”

Irene wasn’t wrong.

You didn’t mean to spend the majority of your free time cooped up at your desk with your eyes glued to the colorful images on your laptop screen. Some days your logged on to bust ass and level up, but other days you actually waited to see if Seokjin was going to log on as well.

“So, anything new with that Seokjin guy?” Irene sipped her coffee. “Did you ask for each other’s social media yet?”

The answer will always be no.

“I told you, Irene. There’s something about the ‘not-knowing’. Plus, it’s a mutual agreement between us.” You explained for the thousandth time.

“Yeah, but what if he’s a creepy dude trying to hit on you!”

Of course you thought of that, which was also a hidden reason as to you why you didn’t expose too much personal information about yourself. Seokjin only knew your first name, your major in college, and you were sure to change the names of any personal stories that your shared with him.

You made sure to be careful. Always.

“Seokjin has been catfished before on Maplestory and he said it was so embarrassing and painful that he never wishes anything like that one anyone.” This was a story that Seokjin hesitated to tell because of how embarrassing it was, but he knew he had to tell you because he didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about him. This was his way of showing you that he trusted you.

“Well, alright y/n. You’re a smart girl, don’t forget that.”

Classes seemed to fly by after breakfast and after a draining study group, you were eager to have some quality time with yourself.

When you fully logged into your Maplestory account, Seokjin was quick to greet you in the text box.

Eatjean: Y/n!!!!

Eatjean: How was class?

You smiled stupidly at your laptop screen.

Y0urnam3: seokjinnnnnn! classes were just as annoying as yesterday

Yournam3: my energy is at 5% right now

Eatjean: I think it’s bedtime for you

A pout formed.

Y0urnam3: nooooo i waited all day to talk to you

Your feelings for Seokjin wasn’t exactly subtle. You weren’t shy to type out things like “I love talking with you” and “I missed you, sorry I couldn’t play yesterday”. It took a lot of courage for you to do so, but you were sure the courage came from not knowing Seokjin face-to-face. If you were to see him in person after saying all of those things, there was no doubt you would shrivel up into an embarrassed raisin.

Seokjin took a little longer to reply than usual. Instead of seeing his screen name, a spam of a character selling a level 200 weapon for warriors filled the chat box instead. Maybe this was a sign that you needed to stop being so forward with him.

“Awww, okay then stay uwu.”

Seokjin scrambled around a blocked his screen with his hands. He whipped his head to the side and found Yoongi peering over his shoulder.

“Y-Yoongi, when did you get back?” Seokjin stammered.

“Just now. Aren’t you going to press enter?” Yoongi stepped away from Seokjin’s breathing space and took a seat on his own bed. “And what the hell is an uwu?”

“It’s a way to express, uh, extreme ador--no, just google it!” He learned the phrase from you a few weeks ago and at first, he was just as confused as Yoongi was.

Seokjin took another quick glance at Yoongi who was struggling to kick his converse off his feet and hit the “enter” key on his laptop.

Within minutes, you replied.

Y0urnam3: OMG YOURE USING UWU ALJDFLKDJ

Eatjean: MY FIRST AND ONLY TIME

Y0urnam3: UWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWU

Y0urnam3: btw can you help me farm for some mesos? I still can’t believe i got scammed yesterday

Seokjin didn’t do anything to hide the smile on his face. Why was the word “uwu” so amusing to him? It was probably because it made you seem a lot cuter than what he originally thought.

In the next hour, Seokjin met up with you help you gain back the mesos you lost. After everything, the two of you circled back to Henesys and stood at a random spot in an empty channel.

Eatjean: Brb ya boi needs a snack lol

He stood up from his chair and retreated to a small table in the room that he and Yoongi dubbed as the snack corner.

“Still playing?” Yoongi asked from behind his laptop screen.

“Yeah. We’re waiting for a few friends so we can LPQ.” Seokjin ripped open a bag of sweet corn balls, sending a few flying to the floor. Just as he bent down to pick up the pieces, he caught Yoongi’s eyes staring at him. “What?”

“I have literally no idea what you just said, but go off I guess.” Yoongi went back to typing away on his laptop. “Oh yeah, before I forget, you’re coming this weekend right?”

Seokjin took a quick second to think about what plans he possibly had this weekend, but nothing came to mind.

“What’s happening this weekend?”

“Dude, Jimin’s party? Penthouse in the city?”

It finally clicked in his brain that Jimin’s uncle lent Jimin his penthouse for the weekend as an early birthday present. Seokjin was invited last week along with Yoongi and they were given strict instructions by Jimin to clear their schedule for Saturday night.

Was it selfish for Seokjin to want to stay back at his dorm and talk to you all night? There was no doubt that Yoongi would agree to go because he has been complaining the entire week about “needing a fucking drink because fuck this lesson plan”. With Yoongi gone for that evening, that meant Seokjin could laugh to his heart’s content all by himself.

“I--” Seokjin dragged on. “I don’t know. I might just stay here and relax.”

“Relax my ass.” Yoongi said in a joking tone. “Seokjin, you’re going. It’s just one night out. Y/n is not going to disappear all of a sudden.”

Of course Yoongi was right. It was just one night off campus and having a drink with his friends was a plan that was long overdue. But Seokjin liked you too much, so it was normal to want to talk to you as much as possible.

Seokjin sighed quietly. An unnecessary battle between the two choices flooded his mind. Going to the party was obviously the answer that settled at the tip of his tongue.

But y/n… ugh but Jimin...

“Fine, okay. I’ll go, I’ll go.” Seokjin lifted his hands in the air in defeat.

There was no point in telling you about the party because just as Yoongi mentioned, you weren’t going to disappear into thin air. Plus, Seokjin wasn’t your boyfriend. He had no business in telling you every single thing that he was going to be doing.

Eatjean: Okay, back

Eatjean: Sorry my roommate was just telling me about his day

Seokjin waited a few minutes before receiving your reply.

Y0urnam3: ohhhhh this is the teacher’s assistant right?

Y0urnam3: how was his day?

Y0urnam3: and how was yours too!! i forgot to ask lol

He smiled and danced his fingers along his keyboard.

Eatjean: That’s the one! And he’s in desperate need for a drink

Eatjean: My day was alright. We’re already preparing for midterms so that’s a bummer

After hitting “enter”, Seokjin pressed the F4 button on his keyboard making his character have a crying facial expression.

Talking to you was always easy. He never felt the need to force a conversation with you because you both shared the same interests and had an understanding school schedule. If there was a chance where he could meet you in person, he was so sure that it would also be just as easy.

For the next two hours, Seokjin aided you in farming for mesos until the party was full to complete a few rounds of the party quest. Even if his eyes may have gotten dry and his back was tight, he enjoyed the time he spent with you.

Y0urnam3: okay seokjin it is LATE and ya girl needs to sleep

Seokjin frowned.

Eatjean: Already T__T

Y0urnam3: i know in sory

Y0urnam3: im sorry****

Y0urnam3: ive been keeping all school related stuff on the back burner and i need to get accepted into the nursing program i told u about

“Ah..right.” Seokjin muttered to himself.

Eatjean: OH OF COURSE OF COURSE

Eatjean: Pls focus on school too!! Trying to become a cardiologist isnt a walk in the park either so i understand

Eatjean: Study hard and get some rest y/n

After receiving your reply filled with words of encouragement for Seokjin to also study hard, he finally shut off his laptop and flopped onto his bed. Since school was a huge priority for you, this probably meant you were going to spend more time hitting the books and using your computer for actual research purposes.

“If only we had each other’s instagram handles or something.” Seokjin groaned and waited for a response from Yoongi.

The room stayed silent and when he turned around, Yoongi was sitting in his chair with his head tilted backwards and had a red pen tucked behind his ear. His desk was cluttered with debris of papers and his laptop was wide open with what seemed to be an answer key.

Seokjin stared at his sleeping friend for a while. “Yeah. He needs a fucking drink.”

↠↞

“Okay, bitches. Clear your schedules. We are going to get crazy tomorrow..” A mutual friend of you and Irene, Seulgi, dropped her binder and textbook on top of the table where you and Irene were studying.

“Crazy?” Irene questioned. “Really?”

Seulgi dropped herself into the seat next to you and sighed. “No, I’m kidding. I just wanted to invite you guys to my dorm tomorrow to have a study session and a few glasses of wine.”

“Ugh. I’m in. I have been crazed this whole week and I need the alcohol.” You shut your textbook and rubbed your temples.

“Are you sure? You’re not going to isolate yourself and play Maplestory—and I mean that in the nicest way possible.” Irene reached over and clasped your hands with hers.

You laughed knowing there may have been notes of bitterness in her words. “Yes honey, I’m sure. Both Seokjin and I have mountains of work that we’ve been putting off so I don’t know when’s the next time we’re going to be online together.”

Seulgi raised her eyebrows and leaned closer to your shoulder. “And how is it going with Mr. Eatjean? Are you two going to get married in Amoria yet?”

You snorted and gently pushed Seulgi’s head away from your breathing space. To your surprise, Irene laughed along understanding what Seulgi was talking about; she never played the game but you talked about it so much with her that she caught on some of the terminology that was used.

Unfortunately, what you said was the truth. You haven’t been able to play Maplestory in a while and you really missed talking to Seokjin. It wasn’t easy being in the medical field, but you had to give your future career some of your attention at some point.

When Seulgi invited you two over for a study session, you imagined having a few glasses of wine while listening to jazz and getting a lot of work done. However, none of that happened.

Just when the three of you were settled in Seulgi’s room, almost ready to pull out the wine cork, Seulgi receives a very delightful phone call from a friend. Next thing you knew, you were carefully applying lip gloss in the backseat of an uber and Irene was racking her brain over whether or not she wanted to unbutton the first three buttons of her top.

“Ugh, just do it already! Jihyo is going to be there tonight that’s why!” Seulgi gently tugged on Irene’s hand who was holding onto yours. “And y/n, stop pulling the skirt down. That skirt was meant to be that short.”

“I know, but oh my God, the exposure!” You tugged at the end of the black pencil skirt Seulgi let you borrow.

“Sooyoung, should’ve let us know ahead of time about these plans.” Irene complained.

“At least this is way better than studying—hey, Sooyoung!” Seulgi called out.

Sooyoung met the three of you at the elevator and hastily rushed you all down the long hallway that was filled with gorgeous college students. You all entered a doorway that was also filled with students who were either already wasted or making their way towards that level. Some of the students were familiar to you and others were definite strangers; Sooyoung seemed to know most of them.

“Girl, where is your brother anyway? We have to at least greet him happy birthday first.” Irene tippy toed to get a good look of the people in the kitchen.

“He’s in here somewhere. Let’s just find him later.” Sooyoung began pouring vodka into shot cups while you poured sprite into four other cups.

“You know, I keep forgetting you have a brother.” You spoke over the mixed sounds of music and voices of people. “Why don’t you two just go to the same university?”

“Well, you know how it is. Siblings, different majors, scholarships, blah blah blah.” Sooyoung brushed passed the subject and handed out the shots and chasers. “Come on, you girls need to catch up, especially Irene because Jihyo looks hot as fuck tonight—to Jihyo!”

Sooyoung raised her shot cup and while you and Seulgi complied with the cheer, Irene begged you all to tune it down. Although she did mutter, to Jihyo, before gulping down her vodka.

You, Seulgi, and Sooyoung were huddled in one part of the living room to keep an eye on Irene who seemed to be a bit more confident in talking to her crush; all thanks to some liquid courage.

The entire floor was covered with people making it almost impossible to not bump into anyone.

“Oh! Sorry!” You yelled over music. “This place is so boujee! If I ever lived here, I would never leave.”

Seulgi laughed and nudged your shoulder. “Penthouse or not, you never leave your dorm anyway!”

“Ooh! Is it because of that game you’re playing? How is that dude-guy anyway?” Sooyoung slurred.

You scrunch your nose and helped your drunk friend sit down on a nearby chair. “How much did you drink before we arrive?”

Sooyoung gently tugged on your pencil skirt. “Answer me question. When are you and denim jeans getting married in Amoria?”

Seulgi threw a fit of laughter as she explained to Sooyoung that she said the exact same thing.

“We are not getting married in Amoria. We’re not even in a relationship.” You squished Sooyoung’s cheeks with one hand and took a sip from your mixed drink.

“But why not? It seems like you and sack-jeans are into each other. I say, date!” Sooyoung waved her red cup in the air and you and Seulgi did your best to calm her down. A drunk Sooyoung was something else.

“Honey, you need to relax. It’s only eight in the evening and for your information, his name is Seokjin and we’re just Maplestory buddies right now. We don’t even know what each other looks like.” You stroked Sooyoung’s hair and took another sip of your drink.

“Y/n, just listen to the poor girl and date him!” Seulgi let out a high pitch snicker and gave Sooyoung a high five.

Talking about Seokjin was definitely bringing your mood down. Maybe it was the alcohol messing with your emotions for than usual, but you really missed talking with him.

“Y-Y/n?”

You felt a tap on your shoulder and you spun around, making eye contact with one of the cutest guys you ever laid your eyes on. He wore a red t-shirt that hugged his broad shoulders and had jet black hair that was styled upward. If his eyes didn't catch your attention, his lips sure did. The only thing wrong with him was that he knew your name and you didn’t recognize him at all.

“Um and you are?” You questioned, readying yourself to perform some sort of self-defense.

“It’s me.” He gestured to himself. “Seokjin.”

↠↞

Seokjin weaved himself around the kitchen, trying to find a bottle of Grey Goose to refill his drink.

“Damnit, Jimin. How many people do you know?!” Seokjin grunted. “Oh, Joy! Pass me the bottle when you’re done.”

The already-drunk-sister of his friend gave him a thumbs up before filling up the last shot cup and slid the bottle down the counter. Seokjin tried to thank her, but her focus was immediately back to her friends.

“Dude, where’d you go?!” Yoongi bumped into Seokjin, almost making him spill his drink.

“Okay, I know you need this wild ass night, but please relax. This is my favorite shirt. It accents my shoulders.” Seokjin grabbed his friend’s cup to give him a refill.

“Hurry. Namjoon is freestyling in the living room and it’s fucking fire.” Yoongi nudged Seokjin’s arm to make him lead the way into the living room.

Seokjin was more than supportive of his friend’s desire to drink his stress away, but having to deal with Yoongi’s drunk ass plus a few more of his friends was making him wish he was back at his dorm, double clicking the Maplestory icon. But he had to admit, Namjoon was spitting bars.

“Oh! Sorry!”

Seokjin turned around to find one of his friends stumbling over, almost knocking down a group of girls.

“Good grief, Sandeul. Sit here, please.” Seokjin gently forced his friend to sit down on the couch in front of him.

Just a few more hours, Seokjin. Just hold out for a few more hours, then you can drag Yoongi back to the dorm.

“-getting married in Amoria?”

Seokjin chuckled. I guess there are other Maplestory players here.

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he was trying to catch wind of the conversation behind him. However, the music and crowd was too loud to hear most of the conversation.

“-and for your information, his name is Seokjin and we’re just Maplestory buddies for now.”

“Y/n, just listen—”

Huh, Seokjin. That’s my name too- WAIT.

Taking the heavy risk of appearing as a creeper, Seokjin turned around and tapped the girl behind him.

Here goes.

“Y-Y/n?”

When she turned around, Seokjin was blessed to see the cutest girl he has ever seen.

“Um and you are?”

Seokjin braced himself and pointed to his chest. “It’s me. Seokjin.”

You widen your eyes and Seokjin could tell you weren’t as convinced.

“U-uh, it’s really me. Eatjean? I just helped you farm for more mesos because you were scammed the day before.” Seokjin’s heart was thundering in his chest. The alcohol could’ve also played a role in that, but it was also because he was extremely nervous that the girl right before his eyes was actually a different person.

“Oh my God. Oh my God.” You repeated. “Oh my God, you’re really Seokjin!”

The nervousness was slowly exiting his body once he saw the smile that grew on your face. Thank heavens, it was really you.

“Y-Yeah. It’s me! Wow, I just—I’m—w-wow.” Those words were the only ones that Seokjin could muster.

You let out a snicker and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. “I can’t believe—”

“Seokjin?! This is denim jeans?! Date her!” Sooyoung suddenly gripped your shoulders.

“Excuse her. Sooyoung get your shit together for a second please—” Seulgi tugged at Sooyoung to leave you two alone. “Continue!”

Seokjin chuckled and looked over his shoulder to check on his friends who were still invested in freestyling. He then took you by the hand to stand in one part of the living room that had a little less people.

“You’re friends with Jimin’s sister?” Seokjin questioned.

“Yeah! We go to the same university. Why the hell hasn’t she mentioned you to me before?” You sighed sadly.

“I’m actually closer to Jimin.” He explained. “I even forget that her real name is Sooyoung. Jimin only refers to her as ‘Joy.’”

You took a sip out of your drink and nodded your head. “What a small ass world.”

Seokjin stuffed his hand in his pocket and leaned in closer to you. “You wanna get out of here?”

↠↞

“I told you to not use the scroll! It only had a fifty percent success rate.” You shook Seokjin by the shoulders who was devastated by the choice he made.

At first, you were feeling hints of regret after quickly accepting Seokjin’s invitation because you didn’t know what his intentions were. But he was just as quick to assure you that he wanted to bring you to his dorm to have some pizza and help him with his character’s accessories.

Seokjin was the perfect gentleman, just as you imagined. He gave you some of his clothes to change into so you were comfortable, he even stepped out of his dorm so you could have privacy. He let you sit in his gaming chair while he took a random stool from inside the dorm. When the pizza arrived, he remembered how much you loved pizza crust so he gave you every single one from each slice he took.

If you knew this was the type of guy Seokjin was, you would’ve gave him your instagram a long time ago.

“Hey, cut me some slack. I took a huge risk here.” Seokjin spun you around in his chair. “And I remember a certain someone who spent almost nine hundred thousand mesos on a staff she ended up not needing.”

“Fine, fine. Touche.” You scoffed and jokingly threatened to leave his dorm.

You scanned Seokjin’s desk and saw nothing but textbooks, what seemed to be study guides, and a few empty coffee cups. Being under the same university major umbrella, you understood the mess all too well.

“How’s your studying going?” You asked, tidying up some of his papers.

“Ehhh. I put the dying in studying.” Seokjin joked and you playfully hit his shoulder. “I’ve been up all night for the past few days.”

“Awww, you poor baby.” You ran your fingers through his hair and his eyelids fluttered closed at your touch. “Well, I guess it’s sort of no different from when you’re playing Maplestory with me.”

“Hmmm, I beg to differ. I actually enjoy spending time with you online.” Seokjin sighed happily. “And maybe I can enjoy spending time with you in person this time around?”

You laughed and brought your hands to your face to hide the blush he caused. “Ohhhhh, very smooth, Seokjin.”

“Do you accept this quest?”

You studied Seokjin’s facial features on more time; his big eyes and pouty lips. After knowing each other through an online game, it was only right for you to finally get to know the real Seokjin.

From what you already knew, he was a sweet man who enjoyed trying new food, doing word search puzzles, and taking every opportunity presented to him to make some sort of pun. He could be a bit cheesy and a bit dorky, but it was all endearing. And because of all the time you’ve spent reading his cheesy lines through your laptop screen, the next words that came out of your mouth was just as cheesy and dorky, but it fit the moment.

“Quest accepted.”

♡ rae jagi

#bangtan boys #bts #seokjin #seokjin scenarios #bts scenarios #jin #bts jin #jin fluff #jin crack #bts fluff #bts crack #why hello there #how u doin #prince #rae writes

34 notes · View notes

royal-shawn · 6 years ago

Text

The Guitarist || nerd!shawn

anon said: your writing is so good !!! I’m absolutely obsessed, you should really start posting on wattpad too if you aren’t already haha. Also can you please do a nerd/innocent Shawn imagine? That’s my weakness honestly🤤

The show was coming up and my role as Eliza Hamilton would be fulfilled to the greatest degree. To accomplish this, the music teacher and I had been having frequent meetings in her room.

Today is different though when I walk into the corridor towards Ms. Kate’s room, there’s piano music along with an angelic voice.

I creep to the noise and push open the heavy door to the music room.

A boy I recognize from my English class is sitting at the piano, playing and singing. It’s a song from the musical, so my first response is to sing along.

He realizes right away and stops, looking over at me. “E-Eliza!”

“It’s Y/N.” I smile. “I’ve never seen you around before?”

“Shawn.” He looks down at the piano. “You’re very talented.”

“So are you, Do you have a role?” I ask.

“I was going to audition for Lafayette, but I got anxious and backed out last minute.” He says, looking over at me, a red tint on his cheeks. “I play the guitar in the band though.”

“I thought I recognized you from somewhere.” I smile.

“We have English together.” He smiles. “If it’s anywhere, it’s there.”

Thus began Shawn and I’s friendship, every Wednesday, I would go over to his studio apartment off-campus to study for English and practice for the musical.

Slowly, Shawn opened up and he was actually really sweet, he always insisted on paying for Chinese, but I always paid my own.

Today was different, Shawn wasn’t home, but the door was unlocked and it was December in Toronto so I wasn’t just going to wait outside.

The apartment was empty, the sound of silence eerie in a place I'd associated with music and laughter.

I sat on the couch, looking at the things on his coffee table. A picture of his mom, dad, and sister, who I'd heard so much about, his trigonometry book, and a plant.

I realize how odd it is that I'm sitting on the couch of a friend's, who's not even home, and get up to leave.

On my way to the door, it opens, revealing Shawn, with flushed cheeks and a bag.

"Oh, um, Shawn." I smile tightly. "I should've just left earlier, this is an invasion of privacy."

"Oh, no it's fine, rather you be here than walking back home alone in this weather." He grins. "I'm sorry, I forgot to text you and I had to go back to Pickering today."

"Why?" I tilt my head.

"I had an appointment and I forgot to tell you, I'm here now." He smiles, unwrapping the scarf from his neck.

I smile. "Should I put on some tea?"

"No, it's okay." Shawn murmurs. "I've gotta go to the bathroom."

I furrow my brows but take a seat on his couch, waiting for him to come back.

In a few moments, he comes back with his guitar, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes on his face. "Ready to start?"

I nod, smiling softly.

Halfway into Helpless, Shawn starts quivering, his usually still fingers fidgeting across the strings, playing flats and sharps in the incorrect places.

I stop singing to ask. "Are you okay?"

He stops strumming and looks up. "Um, yeah of course."

I shake my head. "You aren't."

He bites his lip. "No, I am."

"Shawn, we're friends right?" I ask. He nods hesitantly. "If you want to be friends, you have to be honest with me."

"Okay.” Shawn takes a deep breath before speaking. “I went to my therapist today, usually they’re only once a week but I really needed an extra appointment and this was the only time that was open. She prescribed me with more medicine and I guess it makes me shake, which isn’t good so I’ll have to talk to her on Sunday when I go back.”

“Why do you go all the way back to Pickering for therapy?” I ask

He shakes his head. “You wouldn’t get it.”

I decide not to press and we go back to rehearsal.

Two weeks until the performance and things are getting real, costumes are being fitted, makeup is being practiced and rehearsals are every other day.

My time with Shawn is getting limited to English Class and an hour after school on Tuesdays, since Wednesday is a rehearsal day.

During Rehearsal, I notice Shawn’s hands have stopped shaking, and he’s more outgoing, he talks a little bit more, and shows off his expertise on guitar.

One day, during practice, Shawn is nowhere to be seen, but his guitar is leaning against his chair.

The absence of guitar makes Ms. Kate growl in frustration.

“Where’s Shawn?” She says, waving her hands at the actors of Hamilton, Lafayette, Burr, Laurens, and Mulligan, making them stop their performance.

The pianist shrugs. “He left a little while ago.”

“Well, where did he go?”

The band shrugs.

I pop out of the curtain. “Can I go look for him?”

Ms. Kate pinches the bridge of her nose. “Yes, be quick.”

I run out of the theater, blue Eliza dress flickering after me. The first place I check is Ms. Kate’s room, which is absent of his presence. I run the the men’s room and push open the door.

Shawn stands in front of the sink, knuckles white gripping on the fake granite counter tops, his head ducked.

“Shawn?”

He looks up at me through the mirror. “This is the men’s bathroom.”

I can help but notice the flushed cheeks and the teary eyes. “I don’t care.”

He took a deep, shaky, breath.

I move to him, my hand finding the midpoint between his shoulder blades. “Shawn, what’s wrong?”

“I - uh - nothing.” He shrugs off my touch. “Let’s just get back out there.”

I shake my head. “Shawn, you aren’t okay.”

“We’re friends, right?”

I nod.

“Then leave it.” He spits, leaving me alone in the men’s room.

Avoiding Shawn was harder than I thought, especially at this time.

Ms. Kate was getting snarkier and snarkier as it went on. The pressure on the performers was surely not healthy, but we were just as nervous as she was.

The big day rolled around and I was all dressed up in costume, looking oh-so Elizabeth Schuyler.

Shawn knocks on the dressing room door, and I turn to look. He was holding a bouquet of roses along with a little bear.

“Come in.” I say, shutting the door behind him.

He sets the gifts on the vanity before turning to look at you. “I came to apologize.”

I watch him wring his hands nervously.

“I can’t perform knowing you hate me, I’ll mess up.” He chuckles, his cheeks turning that pretty light pink color. “But this is both an apology, and a good luck.”

I smile softly, looking at the red roses. “Thanks Shawn.”

“I really didn’t know what to get you, but Brian said girls like roses and since you’re a girl you must like roses, right?”

“I love them.” I smile. “And I like the bear too.”

“I saw him and he reminded me of you, I think it might be the sweater.” He says, pressing the bears sweater. “You always wear striped sweaters.”

“I’ve worn a striped sweater to yours, like, twice.” I smile. “But, regardless, I love it.”

He grins. “I already named him.”

“Oh?” I ask.

“Edgar Allen Pooh, because you really like Poe and Pooh’s the honey bear from that one show.” Shawn rambles, his pink cheeks heating up.

I stand up, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry for shunning you.”

“It’s my fault, I was rude.” He smiles. “I would’ve shunned you, too.”

I laugh, and Shawn’s arms tighten around my torso.

“I wish that we never had to perform.” Shawn says, before quickly explaining. “Not like we aren’t ready but you had a reason to come see me and I had a reason to look forward to Wednesdays.”

“You liked my visits?” I ask, pulling away to look him in the eyes.

He nods. “You were the highlight of my week.”

“We can still hang out.” I say, cupping his cheek. “But now we can do it more than just Wednesday.”

He blushes a deep red at the hand on his face. “You want to hang out with me?”

I laugh. “Of course I do.”

“I want to hang out with you too.” He smiles. “How about Saturday? We can go to that Thai place in campus, and then to the movies.”

“Are you asking me on a date?” I smirk.

“Uh, no- I mean, unless you want it to be.” Shawn sputters out.

I smile. “Yes, Shawn, I would like to go on a date with you.”

“R-really?” He grins. “That’s great!”

There’s a soft knock on the door and Ms. Kate peeks her head in. “Show time, I hope you’re ready.”

“I am.” I say, peeling away from Shawn and toward the door. “Good luck Shawn.”

“Good luck, y/n.”

Saturday rolls around, and I’m getting ready, A mid-length dress adorning my body, I pull on a grey cardigan over the blue dress, before waiting for Shawn.

A few moments later, Shawn knocks on the door, wearing a sweater and nice jeans.

“Am I overdressed?” I ask, looking down at my flats.

“You look gorgeous.” He smiles. “Shall we go?”

I nod, grabbing Shawn’s hand letting him lead me.

The night was brisk, but wasn’t awful. It was the perfect temperature to walk too close to Shawn, warming up off his heat.

It takes 15 minutes to get to the Thai Restaurant, and 15 minutes to get seated.

The place was busy on a Saturday evening, which I guess I understand.

“What are you ordering?” Shawn asks, looking at the menu.

I pause, and look up at him. “I have no clue.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, taking a look at the menu. “There’s a lot of good options like...”

“Did you pay for reservations?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “It’s mostly a walk in.”

“I would have a lot more fun if we just got pizza instead, I’m not really up for trying new things today.”

Shawn smiles. “Well, thanks for the honestly and I agree, we could just go back to mine and watch a movie and eat pizza.”

“That sounds perfect.” I grin. “I’ll call an uber.”

Shawn dialed the number of the pizza place while I changed into his Harry Potter shirt and a pair of his boxers.

I walk into the living area from the bathroom, the TV switched to Netflix, Shawn changed into pajamas himself.

He turns to look at me, a blush settling over his cheeks. “You look gorgeous, even more so in my clothes.”

“Are you flirting with me, Mendes?” I smile, crossing the room to stand in front of him.

“Well, I think, unless you don’t want me too, I can stop.” He blushes.

“No, I like it.” I grin, standing on my tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“You missed.” He smiles, ducking down to kiss my lips.

I bury my hands in his hair, wondering where he got the confidence.

His hand is flat on my back the other wrapped around my shoulder.

After a few moments of kissing, he pulls away, looking down at me. “Wow.”

I find myself blushing, looking down.

“I’m sorry, w-was that too much?” He nervously asks, his hands finding their way to my shoulders.

“No, Shawn, it was great.” I smile. “You were great.”

He blushes once again.

The rest of the night is spent engrossed in pizza and Dr. Strange, but it’s the perfect first date, for me and this nerd.

#Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes x reader #nerd!shawn #hamilton #nerd!shawn mendes #nerd #writeblr #royal-shawn

242 notes · View notes

mrs-hollandstan · 6 years ago

Text

Help Wanted || Tom Holland

Warnings: prostitute character, mentions of sex, dickbag Harrison (or logical), talk of theft, talk of drugs, talk of STDs, talk of loaning money, language.

Word Count: 4,816

Author’s Note: So I wrote this to where it’s not reader insert, just because I feel that the story goes better without it being sort of personal and insertable, so the main character’s name is Skyler. This is the prostitute fic that I wrote, but don’t worry, it’s not super descriptive into the profession. Enjoy!

Italicized text means a flashback.

My Masterlist || Add yourself to one of my taglists

"Tom you can't help her. She'll take you for everything you have. She only acts like she wants you to help her because she knows you're worth something." Harrison had rambled in the middle of Tom's living room. "This is why I didn't tell you." "Why because you knew I'd give you an intellectual insight?" "She's not like that. When I come in she's in the shower. She wears my clothes and she definitely doesn't steal anything. She's a good person." "She's a prostitute Tom. You met her on a street corner. She's a whore."

That conversation resounded in Tom's mind everytime he glanced up at his apartment building and counted the floors to find his living room light on. He never panicked. He gave her a key for a reason. Even if he was hesitant at first because of her... profession, he still trusted her. Riding the elevator up, he slowly walked down the hall to his door, sliding the key in the lock and waiting for it to click open. When it did, he walked inside, dropping his keys in the bowl and hanging his coat up. Walking just a few steps forward, the bathroom light clicked off and Skyler stepped out in a button up of Tom's, stopping in her tracks when she saw him at the end of the hall. "Hey." He smiled, "Hey." Swallowing, he walked towards her, "What was it this time?" She sighed and shrugged, "I didn't have enough money for rent. I knew that if I walked in that building, my landlord would have my ass." Tom nodded, leaning against the wall beside her, "If you need money-" "No. That'd just prove your friend's point." "He doesn't have to know." "But I know... I don't want you to give me money. You do more than enough." Smiling wider, Tom took his tongue between his teeth, "Offering you a shower and the oppurtunity to wear my clothes is enough?" Standing confused for just a moment, Skyler gave a shy smirk, "Yeah. I was uhh... I was actually going to make you dinner. I saw you had chicken and I was gonna try and make an asian dish for you." Tom nodded, "Sounds good." She nodded, playing with the ends of her hair, "I thought you might like it. I could... still make it if you want." Tom nodded, "Yeah, you can go start it while I take a shower. I'll be there in just a minute to help you." She nodded, "Yeah, okay. I'll uhh... I'll go start it. Do you know if you have honey?" Tom nodded, "Yeah I use it in my tea. It's in the cupboard." She nodded before they parted and Tom walked into the bathroom while Skyler walked off to the kitchen. Scowering through his cabinets, Skyler found what she was looking for before turning the burner on and adding the raw chicken, adding lemon juice and honey to the pan and then sugar, salt, and chicken broth. Standing at the counter, she sighed, crossing her arms. Deciding to leave the mixture on the stove, Skyler trails down the hall, finding Tom a pair of boxers and sweats before walking towards the bathroom, "I uhh... I'm not looking. I just thought I'd bring you some clothes." Tom hums, water hitting the shower floor, "Thanks." She nods, avoiding the glass door as she sets his clothes on the sink's counter. "I didn't know if you wanted a shirt. I didn't bring you one. I can if you want to." "No that's okay. I don't need a shirt. Although... it sounded like you were coming onto me just then." Smiling, she turned her back to him, "Definitely not. I'll be in the kitchen." Her heart pounded in her ears as she wrapped her mind around his statement. She'd never made a move in Tom's direction. She didn't view herself as worthy even if he put her on a pedestal. He'd met her just as Harrison reminded him, on a street corner. She'd been selling herself to make extra cash and Tom had eyes on her. Of course he thought she was beautiful. Most of the hookers in New York were before they sold themselves to businessmen cheating on their wives for drug money. But Tom could see that Skyler wasn't like that. Sure she'd sold herself for cash but it wasn't for drug money. She wasn't some sleazy whore that flaunted her body to anyone who pulled up against the curb. She'd been someone before. She'd been a student before, Tom knew that much. She was just trying to make ends meet and the only way to do it quick enough was give someone a good time for an hour. "Do that many men actually pay to have sex with you?" "What are you trying to say Tom, I'm not attractive enough for men to pay to have sex with me?" "No, no, no, that's not what I was saying. I just... you know how in those movies sometimes men pay just to have someone to talk to or... they pay and when the girl gets in the car, they like hack her up and bury her body in the desert? I was just wondering if it was like that. I was wondering if you've ever been paid to be a therapist." She shrugged, dipping a fry into the ketchup on her plate, "Yeah. But most guys are selfish and wanna get off. I've had... well ya know... everywhere." Tom smiled, but his cheeks turned a dark shade of pink at the mention of her sexual encounters. "But I'm... I'm clean. If that's... what you're thinking." "No, no, that's not what I was thinking. Even if you weren't, I don't... I don't plan on doing that sort of... stuff with you. You don't have to justify yourself to me. I just... I wanna offer you a place to stay. If you ever feel threatened or you just need some company that isn't using you for your... services, you're always welcome. You can have whatever's in my kitchen and you can wear stuff from my closet if you'd like. Use the shower, I just," sliding the spare key to his apartment across the table, Skyler glanced down at his hand, "I want you to have a second option no matter what. You're... there's just something about you that I can't... I can't wrap my mind around it but I like you. I wanna help you." "It smells good in here." Tom spoke up quietly as he entered the kitchen, still drying his hair. Skyler jumped, being broken from her thoughts. He paused, looking her over, "Sorry. Did I scare you?" She nodded, "Uh yeah. That's okay though. I just... I was just thinking." Taking a few steps forward, he stood beside her, "What were you thinkin about?" She swallowed, "Just... that first time you offered your help." He nodded, "Ahh... I see. Those were uhh... those were pretty awkward times." "Its still awkward Tom. I don't live here but I'm always here when you come home. It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous." "Hey," stepping forward, Tom guided Skyler's eyes back to his with a finger under her chin, "hey you. You're not ridiculous darling. I gave you that key for this purpose. When I gave you that key, I told you you could take a shower and raid my closet. I told you you could have food. I did it because I know. I know that you felt this was your only other option. It was a dangerous decision, but you made it work. I gave you that key because I want you here." Staring up into his chocolate colored eyes, she nodded, looking away before she did anything reckless, "I know. I just don't want to overextend my stay." "You never will." Tom couldn't help but remember the feelings he felt the first time she called for help. She was sobbing and his heart broke and raced at the same time. The idea that she might be in danger scared the living hell out of him. The moment she ducked into his car, all he do could do as she rambled apologies was drag her into him, the rain water on her clothes sticking his clothes to him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you." "Don't apologize to me." He scolded, taking her face in his hands, "Don't ever do that. Okay?" She nodded and for once in her life, she was grateful for being yelled at. She'd never been told not to do something. She'd never been put in her place before. Especially by a man. And now, here Tom was, holding her eyes in his so intently, she thought she might explode. Or cry. Or both. "Let's get you home love. Let's get you in some warm clothes." "This is good. What is it?" Tom spoke up, his eyes wandering Skyler's spaced out face. She blinked before glancing over at him, "Its sticky chinese lemon chicken. Its normally served with rice. If you want I could-" "I got it. It's the least I could do. You're already doing the chicken." Pulling the box from his cupboard, he started on the rice, turning to her while it cooked. His eyebrows knit together, "What's that look for?" She shook her head, looking at the floor, "Nothing. You're just... you're just really amazing. I can't believe I was blessed with someone like you." Stepping forward, he reached up to tuck hair behind her ear, running his fingers down to her chin, "I'm nothing special love. I'm human and I have a little bit of sympathy." "You don't have to though. Your friend doesn't." "And I know that. He fuels the fire." "But he's right. You don't owe me anything. You literally met me when I was whoreing myself out on a street corner." "Yeah, but look at you now. You don't feel comfortable with it. It was a way to make extra cash and you are an absolutely beautiful girl with an amazing ability and... you... dare I say screwed up. But you're trying. I know you are." Taking her hand, Tom held it in his own. Skyler could feel her heart skip a beat. She'd wanted, so badly. since the moment they first met, to be his. To be his forever. But he'd never asked and she'd never pushed. "I am trying. Its just... it's hard." "And I know that." "And look at me Tom. I'm pitiful. I'm wearing your fucking button up God dammit. I'm just-" "Skyler stop." Dragging her into his arms, tears slowly slipped down her cheeks as she laid her head against his bare shoulder. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, "You're not just anything. You're an amazing girl and anyone, no matter how close I am to them, not willing to see you for who you are on the inside versus a definition based on your profession isn't worth anyone's of our time. Do you understand me?" Leaning back, he collected her face in his hands. She nodded, feeling her heart swell more as he scolded her. Reaching up, she held his hands over his face, closing her eyes. Sighing, she opened her eyes, a tear running down her cheek. Tom reached up and swiped it away with his thumb, caressing her cheek. She swallowed as he pulled away. "Hell... you should just move in. I could get you a job. We could share-" "No. I'm not doing that to you. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that I'm gonna move in with you because your friend doesn't trust me. You're still not completely convinced that you trust me. And playing the sympathy card, saying that you want me to move in, you're not... you're not thinking straight." Leaning on her hands on the counter, she sighed. She dropped to her elbows, tucking hair behind both of her ears, "I'm not worth all this. I'm not worth the time or the patience or the money, or this key." Pulling it from the pocket of his shirt, she sighed and set it on the counter, "I'm not worth the trouble of all of this. I'm not worth the friendships sacrificed or the time put into this relationship. I mean, I'll never be with you. I'm not worthy of that. I'm not worthy of the feeling of-" "What do you mean you'll never be with me?" Looking up from the pan of chicken, Tom's eyebrows knit together. Glancing up at him, Skyler paused mid sentence, her mouth closing, "I just mean.... we- we'll never..." "Hook up? I don't hook up with you because of your profession. I don't-" "No Tom, not hook up. That's not what I meant. I just meant... I'm not worthy of girlfriend material for you. You don't even like me. You're creeped out by the mention of sex. You think I'm gross and I-" "STOP! Skyler." She looked down at the floor as he scoffed, "Skyler, the entire reason you're allowed in my house is because I'm in love with you." Looking up with wide eyes, she pursed her lips, "What?" Tom smiled, nodding. "I've been into you the second you climbed in my car that first night. The second you looked at me I knew I wanted nothing more. All I've ever wanted was you and that's why I have such a hard time listening to you bag on yourself. I don't come onto you... I don't ask or offer sex because I know you hate it. You made that a profession and the thought of it disgusts you. I know that. I'm not disgusted by you. I really don't care. If you wanna show me bloodwork that tells me you're clean, by all means, you go out and you do it, but that doesn't determine how strong my feelings are for you. I've been in love with you for months now." Staring at each other for a moment, Skyler's heart pounded in her ears. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes again. "Really?" Tom didn't hesitate to nod, "Of course." She stood, frozen where she stood for a moment longer before throwing herself at him. Binding her arms around his neck, he wrapped his around her waist, "I don't care if we never have sex. It's not about that. I love you for what's on the inside." Holding his neck, she pulled back, staring into his genuine, vibrant eyes, "Why haven't you said anything?" He scoffed again, "Right, because you totally wanna be mine. Obviously now I know you do, but... all those times you and I passed in the hall it was kinda awkward. I figured you just... I dunno, needed a place to stay and you just saw me as a friend." "No. No. God Tom, I thought... I thought you'd never be into me. I'm so... I'm grateful for you and I can't imagine life without you. I want to be your forever. God I'd want nothing more." He smiled, "I want that too. I've wanted that for a long time." Smiling, Tom glanced down at her lips, holding her off of her feet. Taking hold of his cheeks, she nodded. He leaned in, her doing the same and in moments, their lips touched in a passionate, every nerve ending on fire, kiss. She held him close, her legs binding around his waist as he worked his lips against hers. Setting her on the counter, she whimpered, tangling her fingers in his hair. He trailed kisses down her neck, her breath coming out in pants and short puffs, her heart pounding out against his chest. He brushed her hair aside, kissing a goosebumped patch of hollowed skin just beside the column of her throat. He could smell his shampoo in her hair. He could smell his body wash across her torso as his nose ran up the underside of her jaw. "So this new girl. She cute?" "God, she's gorgeous Haz. She... she's brunette and she's got the softest hazel eyes and she just... she's perfect. She's what I want in life." Harrison smiled, "That's great man. She sounds good." "Yeah, she is mate." Clapping Tom on the shoulder, Harrison smiled, sipping his drink, "So what does she do? She have a job?" Tom was quick to nod, "Uhh yeah... yeah, she's got a job. Well... kinda." "What do you mean?" Glancing at his best friend over the rim of his tumbler, Harrison furrowed his brows. Tom sighed, running the tip of his index finger over his own glass, "She uhh," glancing around the nearly empty bar, he leaned back against the back of their booth, "she's a... she's a prostitute." If Harrison had anything in his mouth, he would've choked. "Come again?" Swallowing, Tom inhaled and slowly nodded, "I was driving around the night I met her. I parked on a curb. Needed to clear my head and I saw her on a corner across from me. She looked scared. And she was even more so when I approached her. She was like a little abused puppy. But I asked her if she'd like me to take her to get some coffee or some food and with a little bit of reasoning she agreed. So... I took her to a diner, paid for some food, talked to her for a couple hours and I took her home. Saw her a few days later and I... I slipped her my key. The spare. And I hope she uses it." "You gave her your spare key? You gave a PROSTITUTE your spare key?" Tom nodded, "Yeah. She's a real sweet girl and-" "Tom, you do realize the first chance she gets, she'll rob you blind." "She's not like that." "How do you know? She's a whore who sells her body for money. She's probably been with more men than you have fans." "Harrison, shut up. She's a sweet girl and she doesn't deserve this shit. If you ever are in the same room as her and you spout off with this bullshit, I'll kill you myself. I do what I want. You're not gonna tell me how to live my life and you're not gonna tell me who and who not to trust. I trust her. If I get fucked over, it's on me, but I trust her." Tom could feel his blood boil. He could feel his heart pump molten lava through his veins. Glancing up at his best friend, Harrison's eyes had gone dark. He raised his eyebrows and sighed, glancing up at the bar, "Whatever mate. I'll just kick back and tell you I told you so when she takes you for everything you're worth. Maybe then you'll take a look at one of these fine ladies in this bar just waiting to be claimed. But you do you. Your life. As is." "Hey... you okay?" Skyler's soft, hazel eyes careened Tom back to reality. He blinked the image of Harrison away, standing back, "Uhh yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. Just... just thinking about something." "Yeah, what's that?" "Its nothing," waving a hand between them as he turned the burner under the rice out, Tom glanced up at her, "it's nothing. It was just the first time I told Harrison about you. When I told him about approaching you. I remember being so enamoured by you and I couldn't wait to tell him, and I figured he'd be happy and he'd let it slide, and then he asked me what you did for a living. I let it slip and..." Skyler glanced at the floor as Tom shook his head, pulling the lid off the rice and stirring it, "He called me a whore." Tom scoffed in his nose, his eyebrows furrowing in distaste, "He had so much to say about a girl he'd never met that night. He thought I was a fool and he told me I could have anyone in that bar that I wanted and I was making a mistake but I knew..." looking back to Skyler, Tom nodded, "I knew I was making the right decision." "And you still think that?" Skyler cocked her head and smoothed his shirt down over her knees. Tom smiled down at the pot of rice. Nodding slowly, he looked up at her after a moment, "Yeah. Yeah I still think that." She giggled, something he didn't hear often after a moment when he took a step towards her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Tom slid Skyler across the counter, leaning in on his hands, "I will never, ever regret you. When I met you that first night, I saw how scared you were. I saw how you wanted out and when I offered you dinner, I could see how scared you were of me. I'm not even in the profession and I knew how dangerous it was getting in my car. I knew the second I offered I sounded like a serial killer, but..." letting Skyler run her fingers through his hair, he sighed, "I wanted you. As... creepy as that sounds ya know? I wanted you to be someone that I could confide in and vice versa. I knew I wanted to help someone and you were presented at the right moment. I wanted to help." "And you did. I was terrified. I'm always terrified when a new guy comes in. You never know what they're capable of and I could go missing. No one would care." "I would." She giggled again when he leaned in, her chin in his fingers and gently kissed her lips. She sighed, "You really... don't think you're... outta your depth at all?" She quizzed between kisses. Tom shook his head, drawing her lip back between his teeth, "Nope." Leaning back, she ran her thumb across his cheekbone. Cocking her head, she hummed in her throat, "I don't deserve you." Tilting his own head, he kissed the hill of her hand, his eyes locked in hers, "You don't know how much you're worth my sweet girl." She smiled, draping her wrists over Tom's shoulders. Stroking his hair back, she licked her lips and sat straight up, "Ask me out. I wanna actually be asked out by someone in my lifetime." Tom smiled, laughing through his nose, "Alright. Skyler, would you like to go on a date with me?" Her smile widened. She nodded, hair falling in her eyes, "Yes. Yeah Tom, I'll go out with you." Leaning in again, he pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling back completely, "So dinner." Hopping from the counter, she helped Tom plate the food before sitting across from him. Picking up his fork, he glanced up, "What?" She shook her head, "Nothing. I was just thinking that... I kinds wanna meet your friend." Tom took her hand when she held it out, "If you want him to burst into flames then yeah, sure. If you wanna meet him, I can set something up. I'm not telling you no. The idea scares me a little though." "Then you don't have to introduce us. I just... I want him to meet the whore that's stealing his best friend." Tom's smile widened, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles, "No one's stealing me from anyone. I want the both of you to get along. It'll make things a lot easier." She nodded, leaning on her other hand, "I want to get along with him to. I don't like the idea of your longtime best friend not liking me." "Me neither love." Squeezing her hand, Skyler leaned back, flashing him a smile that reminded him of the way she sat across from him in the diner the first night they met. Back then it was shy though. Reserved. Scared. "Hi darling." When she glanced up at Tom through curly brown locks, he could see the fear swimming in her beautiful hazel eyes. She took a hesitant step back and Tom held his hand out. "Sorry. Sorry, I- I didn't mean to spook you. I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that. I uhh... i was sitting in my car over there and i saw that you looked... hesitant. I saw you looked scared. I thought I'd come ask you if you were okay. Talk you up a little bit." That same hesitancy swam in her dark eyes. Her mouth hung open just the slightest. She closed it as she swallowed and nodded, pulling the small bag at her hip, higher onto her shoulder, "M'fine." Tom tucked his hands in his pockets and nodded, "Okay. Okay, yeah. I uhh... I just wanted to make sure. Are you... lost? I could help you find your way." She was weary to shake her head again. What would this pretty boy think of her if he knew she was a hooker? She shook her head firmly, "No I'm not lost." Tom cocked his head just the slightest, confusion written across his features. He hmphed in his throat, "Then why are you out here in the cold wearing a skirt and tank top. I mean... its the middle of winter and you must be cold. I-" The look on Tom's face was like a lightbulb when off in his head. His dark eyes met hers and his mouth hung open, his cheeks seemingly growing more pink in embarrassment, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a uhh... I didn't know you were a prostitute. I mean... I don't mean that in a derogatory way I just, I didn't-" "No it's okay. It's okay, I am. I'm a... I am a prostitute." Skyler glanced down at her feet and Tom felt terrible. He didn't take a step forward, afraid of scaring her, "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean that. You can tell me to fuck off now. I deserve it, I don't blame you." Reaching up, she tucked hair behind her ear, "No it's okay. Seriously. I brought it on myself. I don't have a right to get upset about it. You're a nice guy. I'm not upset." Tom nodded, licking his lips and wondering how she wasn't freezing. Glancing up and down the street he cleared his throat, "Listen I uhh... I know this is sudden and uncalled for and now I don't deserve the company of a pretty girl like yourself, but I uhh... can I offer you some coffee or dinner? There's a diner down the road. They've got really got chicken tenders if you're interested. My treat." She quickly shook her head, "No I couldn't. I couldn't ask you to do that I-" "Please, it's the least I could do. I've snuck up on you, I've insulted you, hell, you probably deserve a lot more than what I'm offering for the way I've treated you the past two minutes we've somewhat known each other." His bright, exuberant smile made her heart race in her chest. He tucked his hands in his pockets, "Look, if I leave you out here I'll feel guilty as hell. Just... an hour with me, in public, I just don't want you to freeze to death out here. You can have whatever you want." The idea tugged at her brain, unravelling the ribbon around her heart that protected her from human emotions like her clients didn't like. Each time a breeze picked up, her knees threatened to give out. She was cold and the fear of climbing in his car, never to be heard from again was strong but he was offering a chance many people didn't. And she liked the idea of it. Tom was patient, looking her over as she glanced around them for a moment before she licked her lips and slowly nodded. Tom smiled, "There ya go. Come on. I've got my mind set on cherry pie and coffee now." Turning his back to her, he started towards his car, turning to make sure she followed. When he opened the passenger side door, she climbed in and waited for him, looking over as he climbed in beside her and turned the heater on. Pausing movement for just a moment, Tom reached in his pocket and pulled out money, counting a hundred dollars out and holding it over the center console, "I'm not paying you for sex or anything. I uhh... I want you to have it. It's probably not much but something." When she opened her mouth, Tom shook his head, "Its alright. You can take it. A hundred... isn't much, ya know? Just uhh... pretend it didn't happen." Taking it after a few moments, she nodded and tucked it into her clutch. Tom swallowed and pulled his car into drive,

"Oh uhh... by the way," looking to her, he smiled again, "I'm Tom. Tom Holland."

Taglist: @embrace-themagic @delicioustommy @spiderman-n @winters-beauty @smexylemony @lolabean1998

#tom h #tom holland #tom Holland blurb #tom Holland fanfiction #tom Holland imagine #tom Holland smut #tom Holland x reader #tom Holland x oc #tom holland x you #tom Holland x plus size reader #tom Holland x poc reader #tom holland x y/n #my writing #harrison osterfield

282 notes · View notes

mamashitty · 5 years ago

Text

Samwell Elementary Chapter 8

Title: Samwell Elementary Fandom: Check, Please! Word Count: 2496 Ship: Zimbits Chapter: Eight Previous Chapters: tumblr & AO3 Blurb: Halloween! Jack decides to go to the Halloween party that Shitty and Bitty are hosting after all.

Jack decides the day of the party that he is going to attend. More accurately, the night of the party. It is actually on Halloween, a seemingly rare occurrence of it landing on a Saturday. He spends the day helping Maisie get ready for trick or treating, it only runs from six to eight in the evening. Her costume this year is fairly elaborate, she wanted to be a hockey-playing knight. It had taken Jack, Camilla, Steve, and Maisie awhile to figure out how best to make the costume. They had found foam to make a lightweight shield out of it. Camilla had done the brunt of that work, researching how cosplayers create realistic shields out of the material. They had gone with store-bought armor for kids but had painted over it, designs and colors that Maisie had wanted. It looked sort of realistic, and was again, lighter in weight so that hopefully, Maisie would not get too tired. She was using her hockey stick as her sword, and they tied a rope around it so that she could strap it across her back along with her shield. Her helm was her hockey helmet and to finish the look she had on rollerblades.

Jack is impressed with the final outcome, and happy as always when the three adults who take on parenting roles in Maisie’s life work together so well. It had taken longer than Jack likes to admit for him to really warm up to the idea of Steve having such an active role in Maisie’s life. He was never rude to the man but there had been a distance, a lack of warmth on Jack’s end. He had been so worried about Steve trying to take over in the father role, that Maisie might end up loving Steve more as her father than Jack. He knew at the time (and definitely knows now) that his thoughts were ridiculous, but even knowing that, did not stop the anxiety. He is happy that he got over it because he knows that being able to work together only benefits his daughter and Steve is a cool guy. Jack can see how much he cares about Maisie, and now he realizes, that Steve never tries to overstep his role. A role that is constantly changing and evolving, a role they are all learning how to work with, and Jack knows how lucky he and Maisie and Camilla all are that this works out.

It makes him wonder, sometimes, if and how someone else could slot into their lives and their family. Before when he had imagined it, the person was always sort of blank. Not even a real person just the idea of a person. Lately, that idea has shifted more into focus, and Jack tries hard not to focus too much on the fact the person is an awful lot like Eric Bittle. He ignores the fact completely (or tries to but his brain usually won’t let him) that the person he imagines is Bittle these days.

Maisie is done trick or treating by 7:30, her pillowcase swelling with candy. Jack has taken over carrying it, it is slung over his shoulder. Maisie had picked out each of the costumes the three adults are wearing. Jack is a cat photographer. He has cat ears on and a cat tail, with his camera worn around his neck. Camilla is a witch with a long, flowing gown on and her hair unkempt underneath a witches hat. Steve is a dog and Maisie made Steve promise not to chase the cat photographer, Steve kept his promise.

It is when they make it back to Camilla’s house that Jack decides he will go to the party, after all. Camilla and Steve had been shooting him look all night, and he almost regrets telling them about it. Shitty has been sending texts throughout the night with updates on how the party is going as well as demanding pictures of his hockey niece. Shitty’s last text had pointed out that Jack had a costume and why let it go to waste by only wearing it for a couple of hours. And so, Jack kisses Maisie goodbye and feels a little guilty when he could be spending more time wither her. His guilt is slightly assuaged when he gets a god look at her and notices the rather sleepy look in her eyes. Odds of her passing out before 8:30 are good.

Jack arrives at Shitty’s house and the party is in full swing. He manages to snag a parking spot close to the house and he glances at his reflection in the mirror for a few minutes. He tugs off his cat ears and pulls a Falconers’ baseball cap down low on his head, then he places the cat ears over that. His camera he slips around his neck once more, and he steps out of the car before attaching his cat tail back on. He does not know how many strangers will be at the party and he hopes to slip in unnoticed and unrecognized. Maybe he should have put on a different hat, he muses as he walks towards the house. He feels nervous and he knows precisely why he does.

It all has to do with seeing Eric outside of school and outside of their morning conversations in Shitty’s kitchen before jogs. This feels like a big step in their friendship. If what they even have is a friendship. Jack wonders, vaguely, if this is even appropriate for the two of them to be at a party together. He decides to ignore that concern as best as his brain will let him. Shitty had invited him and Eric had mentioned just a couple of days ago in an offhand fashion that he hoped Jack would come to the party. Jack remembered how happy those words had made him and he decides to latch onto those feelings.

He makes a calculated decision to enter through the garage because that door leads straight into the kitchen. He hears music even before he opens the door and as he steps into the kitchen he finds himself feeling a little disappointed. There is no Bittle in the kitchen. In fact, the kitchen is empty and he can hear voices in the other rooms. He finds himself stalling, lingering by the island as he looks over the food options. Treats of all sizes are displayed on the island and Jack’s mouth waters. He knows Eric made all of this. He wonders which one he ought to eat first. Jack figures it is Halloween and that it is okay to cheat a little on his diet. Maybe, he might just talk himself out of it, but he thinks about the fact Eric made all of this and-…

“Jack, you made it!”

Jack looks away from the food and his eyes land on Eric Bittle. His eyes land on exactly what the man is wearing and his brain short circuits. His mouth goes dry. He forgets that he is staring. Eric is dressed up as a bunny, a full-body suit that is small and tight on him. Jack wonders wildly what the fluffy tail must look like behind him and that leads Jack to image how the costume must be hugging, clinging even, to Eric’s ass, and is Jack drooling? He is dimly aware that Eric’s mouth is moving, that words must be coming out of it. Jack glues his eyes to that mouth, thinking maybe that might be a better place to look, but it really is not.

“Jack? Jack are you okay?” Eric asks, concern in his voice, and that is what snaps Jack out of his head, out of the space that costume put his head into. A wildly wonderful but horribly inappropriate place to be

“Huh? Oh, I am fine.” Jack stammers out. “Eh, you look great, Eric. I love your costume. We are both animals, eh? I’m a cat. You are a bunny,” and fuck Jack is rambling. He wonders how rude it would be to pile a bunch of food in his mouth so that he has an excuse to shut up. Maybe he should just run away? He notices that Eric had blushed at his compliment, and Eric starts to open his mouth to say something when Shitty comes bounding into the room.

“Jackabelle!” And soon the vision of Eric, of gorgeous Eric in a skimpy bunny outfit, is obscured from view as Jack gets an arm full of Shitty. Shitty who is dressed in a near-identical costume as Bittle’s. It does not have the same effect on Jack. It breaks the spell, somewhat, and Jack laughs as he hugs Shitty back. Because he has an arm full of Shitty, because Shitty’s hair is all in his face, those ridiculous bunny ears too, he finds it easier to say what he says next.

“Bitty definitely pulls the look off better, Shits.” Shitty lets out a wounded noise, stepping back and attempting a hurt expression but his eyes ruin it by twinkling with amusement.

“Ya hear that, brah?” Shitty asks Bittle and Jack feels his cheeks turn red. He notices Bitty’s are a vibrant red too.

Jack stays glued to Eric’s side throughout the party. It is easy to stay close to Eric, he knows him. Sure, he knows Lardo and Shitty too. He knows a lot of the people at the house, having met them throughout the years that Shitty has worked at Samwell Elementary. There are a handful of people he does not know, and Eric informs him they are other teachers and hockey players in that rec hockey league they all play in. He has no idea if anyone recognizes him, but no one has outright said anything or asked for any pictures. That, and sticking close to Eric, has made Jack relax into the party.

“A photographer cat?” Bitty asks as he and Jack make their way to the back porch. Bitty had said that he was getting a little warm and maybe fresh air would do him good. Jack, ever the gentleman, had obliged. Bitty walks ahead of him, just slightly, and Jack’s eyes finally fall to where the bunny tail is. He stares and realizes how obvious he probably is staring. He jerks his gaze back up, up to the cowlick in Bitty’s hair. He focuses on that as they step outside, and he also realizes he probably needs to verbally respond to Bitty’s question, his southern drawl seeming thicker with the more drinks Bitty drinks.

“Yeah, it was Maisie’s idea. She knows I always bring my camera with me, so she incorporated into the costume.” Jack pauses, watching as Bitty sinks down onto an old looking porch swing. Jack worries, briefly, that it might not support both of their weight, but he sits down beside Bitty and though the swing creaks mightily, it holds them both. Jack realizes, he must have been holding his breath. “She said that all knights should have someone taking pictures of them on their adventures,” he adds, smiling.

He likes talking about his daughter. She’s a nice middle-ground for him and Eric—not that he ever really feels a loss for words around the blond man. Even when silence lapses between the two of them, it usually feels comfortable. The only time it does not feel exactly comfortable is when Jack’s thoughts dance down the line of appropriate.

“Why a cat?” Bitty asks a faint shiver to his voice.

“Are you cold?” Jack asks quietly, “we can head back inside?” Jack really wants to stay outside though. It is quieter and easier talking to Bitty without the noises of the party, without the music so loud. He can hear the music still, but it is faint behind the closed door.

“No, no. I’m fine, I want to stay out here a little longer.” Bitty says, and Jack feels the swing move as Bitty shifts his body closer to Jack’s. On instinct, Jack slips an arm around his shoulder. Bitty nuzzles into his side and Jack wonders if he can hear how hard his heart his thudding. He is also aware that he can just faintly make out the smell of whatever shampoo Bitty uses, and maybe some sweat too.

“So, why a cat?” Bitty asks again.

It takes Jack a few seconds to find his voice. He’s happy, really happy, just having Bitty so close to him. Having his arm around his shoulder. He wants more of this. He wants more than this too but Bitty has been drinking all night and is Maisie’s teacher. He has also asked Jack a question, and Jack knows he really needs to stop dazing out tonight.

“Maisie wants a pet cat and a dog,” Jack explains, grinning. “She said she wanted to prove to all of us that she can take care of one. So, I was the cat and Steve the dog, and she took us for a walk. She even fed us some candy-like a good pet parent.” Jack laughs as he finishes explaining and his heart soars as he hears Bitty laughing too.

“Lord, I can just picture her explaining that. All her little arguments,” Bitty says, and Jack notices again just how nice his smile is. Even in the dark. He is so grateful how close they are so that he can see the smile. His brain feels like mush but in a good way. He is hyper-aware of how close they really are, and how easy it would be to close the gap and kiss Eric. Tilt his head down, nudge Eric’s head up a bit and connect.

He really wants to.

“Can I see the pictures of Maisie’s costume?” Bitty asks, his voice sounding thick. Jack swallows.

“Eh, yeah.” He does not want to remove his arm from Bitty’s shoulder, and so does his best to position the camera with both hands and tries not to jostle Bitty’s head too much. He begins scrolling through the camera, showing the pictures he had taken of Maisie, Camilla, and Steve. Smiling as he recounts some of the events from trick or treating. He loves how genuinely interested Bitty is with it all.

“I’ll need to get a picture of you and Shitty tonight,” Jack announces when they are done looking at the photos.

“Then we should head back inside and find that boy,” Bitty says, and it takes a full minute before either of them move to get up. Jack, sad about it, but happy that he has the perfect excuse to get a picture of Bitty in that costume without being too much of a creep about it. His side feels a little colder without Bitty pressed up against it and he hopes they can find their way outside again. He follows Bitty back inside to find Shitty.

#omgcp #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #zimbits #omgcp fic #fic #a.shitty writes #a.shitty fics #samwell elementary au

2 notes · View notes

jksmoongf · 7 years ago

Text

Baby’s Breath [pt. 1]

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Angst /fluff (maybe smut later) Wordcount: 2k Plot: Sometimes one reckless night is all it takes to completely turn your life upside down. But what if you can’t even trust your best friends to keep your secret?

It was a beautiful day in Seoul. Summer was still fighting hard to justify its stay during the day but fall was slowly but surely taking over in the evening hours. The leaves were starting to change color before disappearing entirely when winter would come and the air was slightly crisper than just a week ago.

 Just a week ago… her life seemed perfectly normal; trying her hardest to balance work and seeing her boyfriend as much as humanly possible. Secretly dating an idol wasn’t easy but it was worth it- Jungkook was worth it. When they were together, he made her feel like anything was possible; like she was on top of the world. He introduced her to many new things and people - to a life most people could only dream of. But she knew that the bubble they were in was about burst.

She was making her way home after stopping in the local pharmacy on her way from work. The air was slightly chilly, so she tightly wrapped her boyfriends’ favorite bomber jacket around her torso. His scent still lingered on it and filled her body with comfort and warmth. Something that might be taken away from her sooner than she had ever hoped for. Her right hand carefully slid into the pocket, clutching the little box that would maybe change her life forever. Pushing all thoughts aside until she reached her apartment, was the only thing she could do; fearing that she might break down in the middle of the street.   When she entered the building, the little old lady from the second floor was getting her mail, giving her a genuine smile. “They still haven’t fixed the elevator.”, the lady said, discontent swinging in her voice. She simply nodded, not giving the old lady a proper answer. Walking up the stairs took longer, giving her time to prolong doing the most dreadful thing she could think of. With every step her heart got heavier, it almost seemed impossible for her to keep walking. But no, she needed to be optimistic, at least for now. Nothing was set in stone, lives had not changed, everything was going to be okay.  She locked her apartment door behind her, even closing the little chain lock as if anyone would just come barging in at any second; keeping the entire world out Carefully she placed the little box on the wooden table, her phone - display facing down, right next to it. Before taking a seat, she grabbed a big bottle of water from the fridge, knowing all too well that her body would deny her of any bodily functions without her chugging down a large amount of fluids. The little carton box felt so light in her hands, but yet it carried so much meaning and change. How could it be that the content of this small white box would possibly determine not only her but also Jungkook’s future? She placed the plastic stick on the table, her eyes frantically scanning the instructions on the paper.   She shook her head, trying to clear her vision as the letters were getting blurry and melting together. With shaking hands, she unscrewed the lid of the bottle and like her life depended on it downed most of the water.   When the time finally came, the minutes of waiting seemed to drag on forever. How could she possibly have thought that exams and presentations or that job interview were the hardest things she had done in her life when this was by far worse than any of the things she had experienced. This was pure agony and torture. She wished that Jungkook was with her, holding her hand and then laughing about how silly it had been to be scared in the first place. But he wasn’t here, he didn’t even know. Why worry him when there was nothing to be worried about, yet.  The timer on her phone went off, ripping her from her thoughts. She tapped the display with her finger, while her other hand reached for the instructions again, making sure she had read the results part correctly. Her breathing was shallow as she turned the plastic stick around, previously avoiding looking at it to diminish any false sense of hope. The little window in the plastic revealed two lines. Her eyes widened as she held it close to her face, hoping that her eyes were just playing tricks on her.   Pregnant.

She read the paper over and over again, checking the stick, comparing the little pictures to the real thing in her other hand. One line - not pregnant. Two lines - pregnant. There were, against all odds, two very apparent lines. Both things she had held in her hands fell to the wooden surface. She quickly pushed the chair back and hurried into the bathroom; emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.  Wiping her mouth, she leaned back against the cool tiles of the wall. This wasn’t happening, the universe was playing a cruel joke on her that she was sure of. Her hand subconsciously laid on her stomach. Was there really a tiny human growing inside of her?    The night she spent tossing and turning, not being able to sleep. Her mind was occupied with how on earth she was going to tell Jungkook. How would he react? After all, they had only been dating for a little over a year, this was all happening too soon. But this was a secret she could not keep from him, although their entire relationship was built on secrets and hiding. She had blown him off last night after he had tried to convince her to let him sleep over after practice. He didn’t deserve the way she had spoken to him but she had feared that she would crack and completely lose it on the phone. She rolled over to check her phone. 6:37. And a text from her boyfriend; apologizing and asking if she wanted to come over after work. He was apologizing even though she snapped at him.

In the evening she headed to the dorms, after an exhausting day at work. She was thankful for the first time in life for all the traffic in Seoul. It gave her an opportunity to go through all possible scenarios in her head of how he could react. Knowing all too well that reality was never like how you pictured it in your head; she knew that there were only two realistic options. Either it turned out bad or good, and she was tightly clutching her hopes to the latter of the two.  As the elevator was taking her up to the designated floor, she could feel her body breaking into cold sweats, her hands were shaky and her heart was pounding against her ribs. For a second she contemplated hitting the red emergency button that would stop the elevator all together, giving her more time. How long could she hide this from him? A few months until she started showing? He would never forgive her. The sound of a bell announced that she was on the right floor. The metal doors slid open, revealing Jungkook leaning against the doorframe, already waiting for her. It took all of her willpower to get her legs moving towards him. When did her life turn into a drama on tv?  “Hey.” A smile spread across his tired face, stepping aside to let her in; quickly closing the door. He crashed his lips on hers before wrapping his arms around her. “Hey.”, she whispered, trying to hold back the tears that unexpectedly filled her eyes. “How was work? You didn’t text me on your break. Was it busy?”, he asked as she slipped out of her shoes. “Yeah sorry, I didn’t go on a break today. I had a lot of paperwork to fill out.” That was a good white lie, he’d never suspect that she had been avoiding him until now when it was inevitable. “Well, now you can relax.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind, one of his hands was resting on her stomach; making her heart sink. He wouldn’t be touching her like that if he knew. They awkwardly waddled like that to his room. “Where are the others?”, she asked, sitting down on the little couch. “In their rooms, we’re just waiting for Hoseok and Namjoon to come home and then we’ll order food. The boys want to play board games after if you’re down.” He was sat in his chair, staring at the screen of his laptop. Of course, he had been playing Overwatch but now he swung around, eyeing her but she just shrugged. “Yeah, okay.” He tilted his head to one side. “Is everything okay? You love playing games with them.”, Jungkook stated matter of factly. “Yeah, I’m just tired.” She reached out her hand and gently stroked his knee when she heard the front door shut and loud voices echoed through the apartment. “Oh, the hyungs are back.” Jungkook jumped up excitedly and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go order food, I’m starving. Do you want Korean food or pizza? Fried chicken would be good too but I really want noodles and maybe fried rice.”, he rambled on while pulling her into the living room where the others were sat waiting. They were all chatting with each other, not a care in the world. She was desperately wishing she was a part of the conversation, but her thoughts kept drifting off to the tiny, tiny baby.  Her eyes darted to her boyfriend, who snatched the menu from Taehyung’s hand while laughing at something Jimin had said. The crinkles around his eyes, his scrunched up nose…why did she feel like she was about to make all those happy features disappear from his face?   When the food arrived, they were all sat around the kitchen table. The boys were stuffing their faces with all the different dishes they had ordered, while she sometimes put a small piece of vegetable in her mouth, chewing on it for way too long. She just couldn’t eat, the nauseous feeling in her stomach that was spreading through her body ever since last night, made it impossible for her to keep anything down.   Jungkook’s big brown eyes were glued to her, noticing how little she was eating. If one could even count that as eating; she was just picking her food; moving it around the plate. He got up, walked around the table. “Can we talk for a minute?”, he asked her, to which she nodded and followed him to his room. “Y/n, what's wrong? You’re not eating.” He pulled her closer, using both of his hands to brush her hair from her face, his thumbs gently rubbing her cheeks. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes; trying to enjoy their last moment of happiness before she destroyed it all. “Do I have to worry about you? Are you sick?” He gently pressed his lips to her forehead, then the tip of her nose before softly pecking her lips.  She inhaled deeply, eyes still closed. “I’m not sick, Jungkook.” Her voice sounded weak like it was about break. “I’m pregnant.”  The moment his warm, gentle hands left her face; she opened her eyes. He was frozen in shock, arms hanging down beside his body, just staring at her. His mouth was opening and then closing again without making a sound. “What?” He asked finally, hoping that she had said something else. “I’m pregnant.” He was breathing heavily, his face was pale, eyes still wide and he looked sickly like he was about to throw up. “B-but I don’t want a baby…”

254 notes · View notes

helloprettybb · 7 years ago

Text

high school au: give me a sign

Part one

Word count- 1.3k

“Just friends?” Spencer thinks as he flops onto his bed. You only accepted because you wanted to go as friends? As Spencer laid in agony, he suddenly came up with something. After he finished his homework, he devised the rest of his plan. Once he had a thought out idea, he went to bed.

Waking up the next morning, Spencer checked his phone to make sure you didn’t post about prom. Luckily you didn’t so Spencer texted you that he didn’t need a ride and drove to school as fast as he could.

Spencer drives into the school parking lot and barely stops in a spot before he is pulling the key out and slamming the door. He sprints around the school until he finds who he’s looking for.

“Hey, Maeve! Do you want to go to prom with me?” Spencer asks, jogging to catch up with the girl.

“Spencer? Oh um yes I’d love to.” she stutters.

“Great!” Spencer exclaims and quickly runs away. He walks into the school and sees you.

“Hi, Spencer. Are you okay?” you ask as he breathes heavily.

“I’m fine. Oh, you don’t have to go to prom with me. I just asked Maeve to go to prom with me,” he responds casually.

“Oh, but I thought we were going together,“ you answer, a little shocked.

“Well, I didn’t want you to go with me just to be nice. You can go with Jason now!” Spencer suggests.

“The senior? That jerk? Besides he didn’t even ask me.” you protest.

“He will. He was talking to his friends about it in fifth period.” Spencer states.

“Oh, well, I’m glad you’re going with Maeve. She’s had a crush on you since last year,” you respond with a fake laugh. You try to give a convincing smile as he rambles on about how he didn’t think of asking Maeve and how you’re off the hook.

“I have to get to class, see you at lunch,” Spencer announces before turning and walking down the hall.

In the middle of third period, you get a text. You check your phone and it’s from Spencer.

“Sitting with Maeve during lunch. Sorry,” it says.

Ignoring the slight frown on your face, you reply, “It’s okay.” For some reason, you felt a little off for the rest of the class.

When lunch rolled around, you strolled over to Emily’s table. Noticing the strange looks the girls gave, you explained, “Spencer’s sitting with Maeve.”

“Maeve? Like Maeve Donovan, the girl that’s obsessed with Spencer?” Penelope asks, with her jaw dropped.

“Yes, that Maeve. They’re going to prom together,” you state trying to sound casual.

“Prom? Together!” Penelope screams causing people from nearby tables to turn their heads.

“Shhh. And yes. They are going together.” you clarify.

“But I thought you were going together?” JJ asks calmly.

“I did too,” you responded quietly. The girls noticed the slightly hurt look on your face so they drop the subject. Emily starts to talk about a math test. Midway through a conversation about Emily totally not having a crush on Mr. Hotchner, the young principal, you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see Jason Gideon with a hastily written sign and a candy bar.

“Y/n, will you go to prom with me?” he asks a little uneasily. You look over to Spencer, who is talking with Maeve about who knows what.

You look Jason in the eye and say, “Yes.” Jason hands you the candy and walks away. You look down and can’t help the cringe on your face.

JJ looks over and asks, “Don’t you hate that?”

“Yeah. Well, it’s the thought that counts.” you declare.

Spencer’s POV

Once he asked Maeve to prom, he regretted it. He saw the sad smile that you tried to hide. He felt bad but then he remembered that he was doing you a favor. He knew that you didn’t want to go with him because you were just friends. He thought this was the best option. After he asked Maeve, he noticed that her confidence skyrocketed. She kept texting him, inviting him to sit with her. Finally, he gave in and agreed to sit with her. He shot a quick text to Y/n and was glad that she was okay with it.

At lunch, Spencer sat with Maeve, Elle, and Ashley. Spencer tried to get involved in their conversations but found himself drifting off to where you were. While he was secretly watching you, he saw Jason Gideon stroll up to you. He had a sign with words written in your least favorite color. Then Spencer saw the candy bar which was again, your least favorite. “He doesn’t know you at all.” Spencer thinks to himself. He watches as he taps you on the shoulder. He sees you talk to him and can’t bear to look so Spencer turns around. He then hears clapping and cheering which makes him assume you said yes.

“Why did she say yes?” he thinks.

Spencer arrives class to see Jason Gideon and his idiot friends guarding the door. Spencer quickly shoves through the door and into the class. As he passes he hears, “Where’s my twenty bucks?”

“Here man. I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” One of Gideon's meathead friends responds.

“What, ask that freak Y/n to prom? I know, me neither but hey, at least I have twenty bucks.” Gideon laughs.

“Poor Y/n.” Spencer thinks as he shoots Y/n a text.

Before last period, Spencer texts you, “Meet me at the spot?”

Wondering what he wants to talk about, you respond, “Okay.”

You run out of the school and to the spot. You were surprised to find it empty because usually, Spencer was there before you. Sitting under the tree for what felt like forever, you finally see Spencer running over.

“Where were you? I thought you forgot,” you ask, jokingly trying to play off your slight anxiety with a nervous laugh.

“Sorry, Maeve wanted to talk about prom and I guess I lost track of time.” Spencer apologizes.

“It’s okay,” you respond. You sit in silence until you remind, “Did you want to tell me something?”

“Oh yeah. Um Y/n I don’t know how to tell you this, but um...” Spencer stutters.

“What is it, Spence? Just spit it out.” you urge.

“Okay, well. I overheard Jason and his friends. You know how loud they are. But they were um talking and he said he only asked you because of a dare.” he finishes.

“Seriously Spencer? God, I didn’t think you would stoop this low. Did you think I’d honestly believe that? Why can’t you just be happy that I’m going with him?” you rant.

“I’m sorry? I’m just trying to help you!” he shouts.

“Help me? I don’t need your help, Spencer Reid. Besides, you aren’t even helping me! You’re just making it up!” you yell.

“Why would I be making it up?” Spencer exclaims.

“Because you like me. Everyone says it!” you shout.

“I don’t like you. And fine, if you don’t believe me go with Jason. I hope he’s as great as you think!” Spencer yells.

“Fine!” you argue.

“Fine!” he argues back. You just storm off and climb into your car. You are halfway to your house when you immediately regret everything. You park your car on the side of a deserted road and hit your head against the steering wheel.

“Spencer will never forgive me.” you think in sorrow.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagines #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #Spencer reid x reader

71 notes · View notes

starspatter · 7 years ago

Note

I think you should do ALL THE ASKS :D

WELL ALL RIGHT THENA - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.1) DCAU TimSteph2) ItsuHaru3) Logan x Diana Prince4) Itsuki Koizumi x Kyouya OotoriB - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.*looks at WonderWolf and SuperBats*C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.BatCat. Even back when I wasn’t a fan of Batman I remember I read one DCAU comic involving Catwoman, and her character just didn’t appeal to me.D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.Any Kagepro ships tbh. Idk I’m just not really invested in the romance of the series. I prefer them all as friends/platonic.E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?Ahaha… I’ve contributed a fair bit of Kagecrack through vids/posts, though I think my favorite are these BTAS crossover edits.Also Kyorange and Skitzo!Kyon for TMoHS. (Plus the “genderbent cast is the previous generation” theory if that counts?)F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?Well I’ve been a Pokémon fan since elementary school. While I no longer watch the show/play the games, I still follow the new generations and RP on occasion.G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?Eeyup. While I don’t ship too often, when I do I ship HARD. ItsuHaru was my first real “obsessive” OTP, but I think the honor for the *very* first ship I had goes to… Cody x Ken from Digimon S2, in a sense. *shot* ^^; Idk I was just really focused on the idea of them making up and becoming “friends”. XP Though I also shipped Ken with Kari too bc of the Dark Ocean stuff. (Also Gary Oak x Molly Hale from Pokémon but that’s a whole other story. >.>; )H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?I’m still mostly a weeb so animu is my go-to, but I’ve been branching out to more Western stuff lately. (Although when it comes to Kagepro the songs are still the best medium. =3=)I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?Steven Universe. While I still love the show, hearing about all the toxicity in the fandom really turned me off so I just try to avoid it.J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)Again, Steven Universe. Also Over the Garden Wall and Bojack Horseman (the former of which I still really recommend you see).K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?I’m also gonna say Sunset Shimmer from Equestria Girls. She went from being a seemingly one-off villain to a fully redeemed good guy and leader in her own right. Though she still has her insecurities, it lets her relate to and help others in the same situation to not let those feelings of inadequacy or jealousy overcome them.Also Midna from Twilight Princess. Her change of heart from servicing her own needs to selfless sacrifice after observing how hard Link tried to save others mirrors my own feelings when I met Link in OoT/MM and watched him grow into a true hero, working to help both the people of Hyrule and Termina even when he had no obligation or was openly blamed for Ganon’s rise to power.L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)So I’m not a big fan of Dick Grayson in the DCAU (or any of his animated adaptations aside from Lego Batman; his YJ version being especially egregious) since I see him as rather childish and bad at dealing with conflict, but he’s admittedly a lot better in the tie-in comics, which give him some much needed development as Nightwing (whereas he barely got any screentime in TNBA). There he acts as a genuine big brother to Tim, and is shown to not be as nearly as bitter at Bruce as the Old Wounds ep would have one believe. I also like that they highlight Dick’s fondness for music, wherein his musical knowledge actually comes in handy to solve a couple cases.M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.All of the Mekakushi Dan, SOS Brigade, or Host Club tbhN - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).1) More Kagepro content in general2) More DCAU TimSteph 3) More ItsuHaru

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?Growing Up - Run River NorthDefinitely a Timmy Todd/TimSteph song now that I think about it. Especially the lines “I found my way without your help, with a broken family” and “monsters in my head”. ;(P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).…Tbh I’m really liking the “Legion x Ouran” idea lately. XD *shot*Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.Hm… I don’t think there are any I’ve really “abandoned”, per se. Most of them are still there, just not at the forefront anymore.R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?All the relationships in Kagepro *shot*S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)Molly Hale from the third movie is the god of the Pokémon world. Just… don’t ask lol.T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?Already answered, but I’ll add a few of my favorites for DCAU TimSteph:1) Tim cuts his own hair after RotJ (or rather just lets it grow long) since he doesn’t trust anyone else with sharp objects around him. Steph is the first person he allows to trim his hair for him (even though she has no experience with it either), since I imagine him feeling comfortable enough around her that he even falls asleep like Sousuke does with Chidori in Full Metal Panic! The Second Raid. (For context, he was raised as a soldier from an early age and this is what happened when they tried to take him to a salon. Played for laughs, but probably an accurate portrayal of people suffering from anxiety/PTSD having to deal with mundane tasks that trigger them.)

2) Similarly, Steph plays piano to help calm Tim down whenever he’s having a panic attack.3) After RotJ Tim refuses to wear red for a long time until Steph knits him a red scarf and tells him it “suits him” bc red is the color of heroes.

As an aside, I also recently like the idea that Logan was at Lex’s party in the DCEU and saw Bruce and Diana together, based on this playlist that I made. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.Gonna talk about a few I don’t mention too often nowadays.

1) Link from The Legend of ZeldaLink will forever be my greatest true love. He’s the first real “hero” I believed in, and he honestly changed my life at one point to actually want to be a better person. While that faith has faded and I don’t think I can ever reach his example, I still wish I had that kind of courage and kindness - or at least be able to inspire others in the same way he did me.2) Meroko Yui from Full Moon wo SagashiteIf Link was the first (and only) person I ever truly fell in love with, Meroko was the one who taught me what “true love” was in the first place. I won’t say too much since I still sincerely hope you will check out the series someday, but suffice to say there’s a scene towards the end where she makes a choice that shows how much she has personally grown, and come to understand what it really means to “love” someone wholeheartedly.

3) Gary Oak from PokémonThis is a bit of an odd one, but Gary is a character I related to a lot when I was an adolescent since, of the main series cast, he was the first and one of few to really change his “status quo” by quitting training and deciding to become a researcher instead. In my eyes it seemed like a shockingly conscious choice to “grow up” in a world where you can ostensibly remain a “child” forever, and I both admired and deplored him for it (especially at that tender transitory age I was going through at the time, where it feels like you’re being forced to “become an adult” whether you want to or not).

V - Which character do you relate to most?Already answered.W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.Romance in general is really not my thing, so I dislike when it’s the focus/the writers feel the need to pair every character. I’d rather leave things open-ended most of the time.X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.Family/friendship stories + tragic adopted children wanting to be heroesY - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?X-Men, Kingdom Hearts, Dangan Ronpa, Fate/Stay Night, Various Magical Girl series, Various RPG Horror games

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)I feel like I’ve rambled enough already phew. OTL Thanks for asking though. =P

#cryptoriawebb #starspeaks

4 notes · View notes

violetsystems · 4 years ago

Text

#personal

I survived without a concussion. I still can’t figure out whose bass that was. i still can’t imagine playing in a Sting cover band either. So there’s a lot of things I’ve been throwing out regardless of their immediate threat to my person. I feel like I’ve been punched around and then I don’t really feel like I care too much. Inside my apartment is cozier than before. I feel a lot of uncertainty about the future and then none at all. I sent my parents Christmas gifts last night and talked over text. They’re supportive and they don’t really pry which leaves me to live my own life. The value of that life I live is the ultimate mind fuck. I’d argue everybody needs some time to spend with themselves to care about their self worth. Not many people have that option. My situation is always unique for as long as anybody has ever read my ramblings. It feels dizzying at times. Like I’m spiraling in freefall in outer space trying to figure out which way is up. Most of the time staying put and maintaining position is the best course of action. People get antsy and nervous. I had a lot of that over the last six months. These days I don’t know that I really have much else to do for the moment. The vaccine is on the horizon at some point. I was thinking to myself that the virus was the reason I was let go from my job. The ultimate protection against that is to get vaccinated. And I have all the time in the world to get that done before summer at the latest. Realistically I could hobble this entire thing out until next November draining everything and still be at zero. But it’s the silence that fucks with me the most. The act that regardless what I do nobody really cares or pays attention. Which is probably why it made sense to start a corporation out of nowhere. If you have enough money, you can do anything in America. And arguably, there aren’t any roadmaps out there for people like me. This is especially true when large tribal groups of people in power like to pretend you don’t exist. And you are supposed to read further into that understanding that this is part of the culture of the successful. You wonder how they got successful in the first place. Certainly not on their own. And certainly not without a lot of money to go along with it. It is for certain that I don’t really worry about money for the time being. I worry about the scarring around all of the open wounds nobody attended to. Which the latest was enough to shake me a little emotionally when a guitar that I did not own came flying out of a closet onto my head. I would say nobody was there to kiss the pain away. But the thought of you is always on my mind. So maybe that’s why I survived a good night’s sleep.

I survive a lot of things. At this point, people on the internet think of me as some combination of Solid Snake and Palpatine with a frappuccino. I wrote here for years just to stay sane. I still write here to stay sane but mostly to share my thoughts with my friends. One of the most bitter realizations I’ve had in my adult life was the reality of my friendships. In your twenties, we all have this romanticism about working with our friends. When you spend two decades working and building entire communities in a city, things evolve and change. That’s the nature of true culture. It doesn’t stay stagnant. The solutions are not always the surefire answers you want. Democracy is messy over time. And yet for all the pretention of the last twenty years, I still walk out the door and people know who I am. There’s entire subsets of people that signal me on the street corners because of the things I support. I don’t know that anybody knows exactly what is going on with me other than here. It’s all so vague because day after day I don’t really talk to anybody very deeply about anything. It’s mostly surface level conversation. I walk everywhere. It’s safe enough for me. I don’t know about anybody else. After having my self worth plummet into the toilet being let go from my job, I wondered what I had left. And I have a lot. I also still have a lot of bitterness and anger at my situation. But ultimately, I get over it. I��ve been through enough shitty life experiences to know I get back up again and reinvent myself into a better version of who I need to be. This doesn’t mean that loneliness isn’t a motherfucker. The trick is that everybody is probably more lonely than you. It takes some guts to face yourself in the mirror. More guts to answer to the problems that you cause yourself. Kind of like putting a bass guitar so high up in your closet. I have shot myself in the foot so many times being awkward. And you live and you learn. I do worry excessively about a lot things. And then again I plan for a silver lining. I do look back at how isolated and alone I feel. And then I know this is completely the opposite if I just believe in myself and my self worth. You have to do that first. And if you believe in yourself you already know how hard it is to overcome the fear. The fear never goes away. That’s another trick. I spent a lot of time getting rid of the baggage as they say. Spent a lot of time cleaning out my closet recently too. You have to dust off a lot of cobwebs. You start to notice a lot more chips in the walls. You address things with care and attention. And you start to transform your environment through action. I spent some time weaving rags and cleaning spaces for an arts collective years ago. We had a show at Jane Addams Hull House museum. A lot of what drew me to the practice was the healing and meditative nature of cleaning. I’m unfortunately your token cis heterosexual male in this regard. There’s a lot of privilege straight boys can face if we just look at our bathroom sink on a daily basis. And some of us do. Today I am marginally unsuccessful based on a cursory look over my shoulder aside from the shelving I added last week.

Of all the shit my friends on here know is that I’m a really genuine person. It hurt so much to feel like I wasn’t part of a community I serviced for years. And at some times I felt like I didn’t really belong. White rich people always trying to control the institutional dialog on something. I spent years going to raves and underground shows enough to know everybody dances. I’ve spent years on social networks like these listening to what people really had to say. I’ve scrolled through enough dick floods to know that my dick is enough for me. And I know how I live is my own business and everybody deserves to live and be free. It should be obvious we are all different and we live in the perfect country to accept and celebrate that. Being unique shouldn’t be at odds with who we are as a country. And yet, we all know the reality of conservative and populist values. That the money thinks it can rule the world all the same. It should be easier to fight it these days. And yet, nobody wants to acknowledge anyone exists or the real history about people and what they’ve done. It’s worse than cult behavior and it’s fractured the very social fabric that holds people’s dreams together. I don’t really worry much about it at all these days. I’ve survived this much with a pretty ridiculous story to tell my friends every week. My question has always been where do we go from here. If you are me, you look in the mirror and just know there isn’t much to do but continue to evolve. And being accountable for your own shit by yourself is something I think everyone could agree is a pretty good goal for a man like myself. So many times I cried to a wall wondering if I was good enough. I look back at that and know that I am. It took work. We spend so much energy caring about what the world thinks and not enough time finding our own voices. We parrot out beliefs that make us seem woke but never walk those beliefs around in public out of fear of being tested or provoked. When you are staring life directly in the eyes, the words come differently. I wish I could say I had it all figured out. But at least I can admit I’m only human as I am. Humanity is something we should be able to feel these days. And all we really feel is the ugly parts of it. The ugly parts are celebrated while the real emotion is frothing below. Genuine communication can’t be commodified. It can’t be manipulated if it wants to be sacred. Intimacy is a complex thing in modern times much like modern love. People think they can shortcut their way through anything. And these plans fall apart. These emotions don’t last or stand the test of time. And people show their true colors in the face of adversity. I know what it feels like to be abandoned. And I know what it feels like to be betrayed. And I know what it’s like to have a community that supports each other no matter who we love. That’s a real safe space to build from. I intend to fight to keep it that way for everyone. However invisible I’m meant to become. Maybe that’s my superpower after all. Being the exception. It takes work to survive. in that respect nothing has changed with me. <3 Tim

0 notes

sensc · 7 years ago

Text

░ ✧ ❝ — plots based on [ SONGS ] ❞

here’s a list of random plots inspired from various songs on my spotify! they’re written out as m & f ( all muse a as the female & all muse b as the male ) but they can obviously be altered to your preference!

( # 01 ° * ) —― we own the night , selena gomez & the scene ; ❝ is it alright if I’m with you for the night? hope you don’t mind if you stay by my side. ❞

muse a and muse b were not only next door neighbors while growing up, but they were also the best of friends before inevitably drifting apart once high school began. muse a eventually left town to attend a university miles away while muse b stayed home to attend a local community college. now, almost a semester into their sophomore year, muse a is back in town without giving anyone a warning or reason. muse b isn’t even aware of her homecoming until muse a climbs the tree between their houses in the middle of the night and taps his window until he wakes up. it’s only then that muse b finds out the truth behind muse a’s reappearance.

... muse a is back home because something life-changing happened to her ( maybe she witnessed a crime, someone broke into her dorm, a friend passed away, a video/picture of her got around school, etc ) (( just something impactful ))

... as a result of the incident, muse a always visits muse b at night because she can’t sleep & refuses to be alone because she’ll start thinking about *the incident* all over again

( # 02 ° * ) —― colors , halsey ; ❝ you’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece and now you’re tearing through the pages and the ink. ❞

since kindergarten, muse b has given muse a drawings. although they were mostly scribbles and shaky shapes, muse a was always grateful, unfailingly responding with a smile. this exchange continued throughout elementary and middle school, the scribbles transforming into sophisticated portraits and illustrations that showcased muse b’s artistic talent. however, during the duo’s first year of high school, muse a’s friends caught wind of the drawings and teased her endlessly. out of embarrassment, muse a stopped accepting muse b’s art and promptly told him to leave her alone. they haven’t spoken since. now, 10 years later, muse a is a small-time reporter struggling to find the story that’ll finally launch her career while muse b is a prestigious artist whose work sells for millions to culture-savvy socialites. after muse b shockingly announces his early retirement, every news outlet is dying for an interview. however, he’s always kept a low profile in the public eye, which is why he’s only allowed one network to interview him — muse a’s network.

( # 03 ° * ) ―― real , years & years ; ❝ i think i’m into you, how much do you want it too? i think i’m gonna make it worse, i talk to you but it don’t work. what have i been doing wrong? tell me what it is you want. ❞

muse b is an illustrator for a popular graphic novel. after struggling to find inspiration for his latest assignment, he wills to life a drawing of his dream girl — muse a. she becomes the muse that he’s been needing, even earning him a promotion. however, after muse a finds out that she can be seen by everyone and not just muse b, her desire to live a real life in the real world is ignited. now, muse b has more to focus on than just his work — the obligation to watch over the person he created, the need for her presence in order to complete ( what were once simple ) tasks, and the jealousy as muse a’s world become more than just muse b.

( # 04 ° * ) ―― r u mine , arctic monkeys ; ❝ i go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where i wanna be and satisfaction feels like a distant memory. i can’t help myself, all i wanna hear her say is are you mine. ❞

muse b always goes for a run at 2 am because he has trouble sleeping and every time he comes back home, muse a ( his next door neighbor ) is drunk and either fumbling with her keys or stumbling through the front door. muse b always helps her get in safely then leaves some water and advil by her bed and muse a always responds with drunken rambles of appreciation. the duo constantly exchange fleeting glances during the day, but muse b never initiates the conversation in fear of muse a being too drunk to remember his assistance while muse a never initiates the conversation due to being embarrassed by her frequent drunkenness.

( # 05 ° * ) ―― strangers , halsey feat. lauren jauregui ; ❝ we’re not lovers. we’re just strangers with the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all. ❞

muse b has it all — a successful business under his thumb, millions of dollars that’ll sustain him until his dying day, and people who take his word as law. the only thing he’s missing? love. but unlike the age-old saying, money can buy everything. enter muse a, a high-charging escort who earns her living by sleeping with some of the world’s most wealthy men. after being setup by friends, a night is arranged between the twosome. however, unlike muse a’s regular customers, muse b wants to pay for her time instead of her body. they strike up one of the most profitable deals of muse a’s career, a deal that essentially turns her into muse b’s significant other once the moon is out. this includes spending the night, eating dinner together, late night talks, and ( most importantly to muse b ) affirmations of love. but it all ends once the sun is back in the sky and doesn’t begin again until it goes back down.

( # 06 ° * ) ―― down for me , g-eazy feat. 24hrs ; ❝ she was the only one down for me. had a hard time adjusting to new fame, my life ain’t the same since the day that you came. ❞

muse a and muse b only met once ― the first day of their junior year of high school where they crossed paths after both reaching for the last pamphlet for a local college of the arts. after a short ( and competitive ) conversation, they each swore that they would make it big. years later, muse b lived up to his promise and is now a famous rapper/musician whose name is synonymous with money, fame, and success. muse a is a college student who is struggling to get her degree and pay her student loans while still pursuing her dreams of being a dancer. muse a’s first public performance is at a small art show where a typical audience is around twenty people, which is why she’s dumbfounded when she’s in the middle of her routine and sees muse b sitting in the front row. before her set is even finished, muse b is bombarded by photographers and fans who are dying for a moment of his time, causing everyone’s eyes to shift away from muse a. while muse a is livid, she can’t help but wonder what the hell muse b is doing here.

( # 07 ° * ) ―― déjà vu , post malone feat. justin bieber ; ❝ now, tell me, is that déjà vu? ❞

muse a and muse b were childhood best friends but drifted apart ( for some reason ) and haven’t talked since they were kids despite growing up in the same town and attending the same university. recently, a group of amateur hackers have gotten into numerous people’s phones with intentions to steal and sell people’s nudes. muse a was the most recent victim and muse b bought her nudes so no one else would see them, but she found out and now thinks that he’s some kind of pervert… great!

( # 08 ° * ) ―― if you can afford me , katy perry ; ❝ if you wanna ride, just name your price. don’t play cheap with your heart. don’t make a bet if you can’t write the check. ❞

muse b has always been overlooked and underappreciated, his eternal label being ‘the brain’. muse a is the complete opposite, an absolute bombshell who always has eyes on her. when their university has a bachelor auction for raising money for the end of year mixer, muse a places the highest bid of the night on muse b ― $1,000. while muse a tells everyone that she placed her bet out of pity, behind closed doors, she explains to muse b that she needs him to tutor her so she can pass her final exams. muse b, both offended and embarrassed for being naïve enough to think that she was actually interested in him, refuses to do anything more than what she paid for ― be her date. it’s only when muse a offers to double the money and pay muse b his own personal $2,000 ( alongside the school bid ) that they reach an agreement..

( # 09 ° * ) ―― the love club , lorde ; ❝ i’m sitting pretty on the throne. there’s nothing more i want, except to be alone. ❞

muse a’s life has been a whirlwind since becoming a seemingly overnight success a few years ago. although she appreciates her newfound fame and millions of fans across the world, it’s all become too much to handle. she drops everything and catches the next flight to her childhood best friend’s university ( wearing oversized sunglasses and a floppy hat to lay low ), wanting to surprise the person she hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to in months. after landing, she knocks on their dorm door but is instead met with her best friend’s roommate, muse b — a stranger. as luck would have it, her best friend has unexpectedly taken a semester off to travel ( a not-so-minor detail that she probably would have known if she hadn’t ignored their texts after her ego schedule blew up ). unfortunately, the media finds out that she’s in town and both college kids and the paparazzi are wanting a visual of muse a’s apparent breakdown. with no other option, muse a begs muse b to let her stay in his dorm until the attention dies down... to which muse b reluctantly agrees.

#indie rp #indie plot #rp plot #plot idea #i was going thru my drafts n totally forgot about this??? but someone pls give these to me!!!#❛ ✦ — wanted: plots.

38 notes · View notes

reinasescape · 8 years ago

Text

Something Borrowed, Something Blue (Takao Maruyama)

Summary: You were happy together, or so you had thought. One day, out of the blue, Takao drops you off at home and tells you it’s over. Just like that, no explanation, no answers, it was just over. He avoided you like the plague: no phone calls, texts, or emails. Only radio silence. Not even the guys could get through to him. A person could only take so much though. Dumped by two fiances in less than 2 years had to be a record of some kind. Having sworn off men, you poured yourself into your craft.Another two years go by in the blink of an eye, and you find yourself back in Tokyo again. Back in your old stomping grounds, things have changed, and so have you. Will old flames rekindle even when they’re not meant to?

Part 3: My Dream Come True

For other parts: Masterpost

The familiar sweep of brown hair was mussed from sleeping, and eyes that you knew were a deep brown were still closed. It was the last face you expected to see. Now it was less a foot from yours. You had to be seeing things. The alcohol had gotten to you. You were hungover, and your eyes were playing tricks on you. That was it. You squeezed your eyes shut and willed the mirage away. When you opened them again, the image still remained. “No. No no no…” You couldn’t have… “What’s wrong?” Groggily, he drape an arm around your waist. You flinched when bare skin met yours. You scrambled backwards, clutching the sheet to your chest. “ _________?” his face scrunched with concern as he looked at your bewilderment. You blindly groped around the floor for your clothes only to find a tell tale trail from the door to the bed.

“What are you in such a rush for?” he grumbled sleepily as you hastily pulled on your clothes. “I have to go,” you blurted out, grabbing your purse and your phone. “Wait what?” taken aback, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, squinting to get a better look at you. “Here for my share of the room,” you pulled out some bills from you wallet. “What are you rambling about?” “I have to go,” you blurted out, this time working yourself into a frenzy. “Wait! I’ll take -” “Bye.” Not even waiting for him to finish, you dashed for the door.

It was only when you got outside did everything hit you. Oh God, what have you done. Both your heart and your head were still pounding even you made it across the street. Bzzzt. Buzzing like an angry wasp, your phone trilled. Frantically you repeated hit ‘ignore’, and sped up; first speed walking, then jogging, and finally running. Even as you continued to hit ‘ignore’ your phone continued to vibrate.

You ran until your lungs burned. It was only after you deemed yourself safe did you rest your hands on your knees, heaving to catch your breath. As the crisp morning air cleared the last lingering effects of the alcohol, the reason slowly took the place of panic. You were a modern woman. You would be rational. The world didn’t stop spinning just because you made a stupid mistake last night. You’d deal with it like a grown adult.

It was still too early for the first train to be running, but you’d get home, take a shower, go to the pharmacy, and go to work. Yes, work. You refused to let your personal life get in the way of your work. You clung to the idea like it was the last solid thing in the world. Shower then work. You’ll feel better once you got to the office.

You hesitated at the door afraid that last night would be tattooed onto your forehead. A scarlet letter for all to see. But it didn’t happen. It was like any other day at the office. The smell of coffee in the air as people bustled around carrying flowers, pencils, and tablets to the various rooms. Lunch time came and went before you noticed. Not that you had an appetite. Who were you kidding? You’ve been a mess since you saw Takao again. After all how else could you explain jumping right into bed with him only hours later. So much for being over him. You’d think the past two years would amount to something more than false bravado. Distracted by your buzzing phone, you hit ignore for the umpteenth time today. ‘Can’t he take a hint?’ you scowled at your phone.

“Hey _________, did you say you had a client at 1?” one of your coworkers asked as they dropped off a file at your desk. “Yea why?” you pulled your eyes from another scrapped design. “It’s 12:30,” your coworker offered. “Shoot! I should be on the train now!!” You scrambled, shoving folders and your work tablet into your purse. Grabbing your phone, you made a mad dash out the door. “You can make it if you get a cab,” she called after you. “Thanks!”

---

The cab screeched in at 12:29pm, and you only slowed down after you opened the doors. Smoothing your hair back in place, you walked towards the bride.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” “Oh no worries. I was just so excited, I ended up early. I wanted to look at the church again,” the bride spun around with a dazzling smile. “It’s a beautiful church,” you returned politely. “Isn’t it?” she sighed dreamily. “It’s a special place to my fiance, so we decided to get married here.”

Oh it’s special alright, if you count this is where Takao had proposed to you. No, no. You are going to be professional. This isn’t about you. It’s about the bride and the groom and Lilly. “I was surprised when I learned we wouldn’t be working with a wedding planner,” you probed. “Oh no. This is going to be the happiest day of our lives. I want to be there to see it through from start to finish.”

Controlling much? You couldn’t help the unkind thought. No no, this is your job. For all you knew, she was a perfectly sweet girl undeserving of your ire. Reining in your inner witch, you plastered that smile on your face for all you’re worth. “A bride who takes the initiative. Well, I brought a few mock ups to give you an idea of the the options you had. We customize it to your liking. Given the decor you showed me yesterday, I think pink cabbage roses and green hydrangeas compliment it. And here we can soften it with whites or cream depending on your preference,” you offered, flipping through mock ups on your tablet. “I really want the colors to balance out. Takao’s always been such a great support to me, and I want our wedding to celebrate that.” “You must love him very much.” “I do…” the bride’s entire face soften, no doubt thinking about her intended groom.

“So how did you meet?” you couldn’t help but ask. “Oh we used to work together.” The bride continued zooming in and out of the mock ups, unaware of your own personal investment in the whole situation. “Used to?” “Yes. I was his paralegal. Well I gave my notice two weeks ago. He’s up for partner, so I really want to support him 100%.” “How nice of you. He must appreciate it.” “I want to do all I can for him. He means the world to me.”

Unable to stomach any more of the bride’s adoration for Takao, you changed the subject.

“You said you wanted to do arrangements all down the aisle and the pews.”

Your cheeks were starting to ache with the effort to maintain a smile. With each mention of Takao, it grew more strained. You didn’t need someone to tell you how special he was. Someone only had to meet him to know that. Even now, he had the power to break your heart anew. Wasn’t it enough for you to live in his shadow? Did he really have to give another woman your dream wedding? Was nothing sacred?

“No expense spared on the flowers,” the bride’s words filtered through your turmoil. “I want to feel like I’m walking through a fairy tale.”

You made nodded as she spoke, making notes as she continued to chatter on. “Hmm...maybe instead of green hydrangeas, what do you think of orange blossoms?” “Orange blossoms?” That immediately caught your attention. “I thought you said Takao’s favorite color was green.” The bride’s delicate face scrunched as she contemplated. “It is, but his favorite flowers are orange blossoms. He always has them at home.”

You could still clearly remember how Takao had stood in your family’s shop, the flowers in your father’s hands. “These flowers represent my feelings for _________….Just like these flowers, she’s radiant, charming...I want to dedicate my life to supporting her, just as she supports me.” Another broken promise, now given to another woman.

“But green is one of our wedding colors…Hmm…”

This was only the second consultation, and you could feel the strain. Could you even get through this with your pride intact? You had the solution right in your bag. You didn’t know why you brought it today of all days. Why did you even dig it up? Were you that much of a masochist? As the bride flipped through a floral catalog, you could feel the folder burning a hole in your purse. Hours poured into those designs as you dreamed of your own happily ever after with Takao. How happy had you been when he had proposed? Never thought there would be the day when you would be helping him with his wedding to someone else.

“Well I have this,” you reluctantly offered.

If you enjoyed that & wanted to support me: my [ko-fi]

Commission Info

48 notes · View notes

bifaq · 8 years ago

Text

Im glad i found your blog as I have no one i can talk to about what I’m going through. I’m a bisexual woman married to a man and I’m a Muslim. I just want to share my story, get some advice and find people going through the same thing. I’ve pretty much always known I was attracted to women since I was 10, but in high school was when i officially accepted that i liked both genders. I’ve had crushes on 2 of my female friends in high school. One being my best friend who was drop dead gorgeous to me and knew I was bisexual. I cared about her a lot and all I ever wanted to do was be with her, hold her and play in her hair (although I never got to do either-or) and was tempted a few times to kiss her…which never happened either.

My husband and i have been married a few years now and we have kids. I love him more than you can imagine, and I’d never do anything to hurt him, but for a long time now I’ve been fighting these urges… strong urges…thoughts about being with another woman sexually. I’ve never been with a woman before, but I’m absolutely sure I’m not “just curious”. I’m most definitely bi.(If i wasnt religous or married i could see myself in a relationship with a woman.) The problem is, in Islam acting on such desires is a major sin and my husband doesn’t know I’m bisexual. I’ve been going back and forth with myself about telling him or not, but i just don’t know. I want to be honest and open, but i don’t want him to look at me in a different (negative) way.

Its been a mental challenge trying to fight the urges, but it seems the more i do, the stronger they come back. Sometimes I find my mind drifting and fantasizing about women in the bedroom when I’m “with” him and sometimes, not always (although i know starting out, that I’m making love to him, my husband, a MAN) I get upset that he IS a man ( meaning that somewhere in the moment of love making, my brain switches to longing for breast and vagina than pecks and you- know-what) and when its all over with and he goes to clean himself up and shower, I lay there screaming inside…sometimes throwing a quiet miny fit on the bed out of frustration, or even silently crying. It may sound silly, childish or dramatic, but that’s my life.

Again, this is not all the time! I absolutely love my husband, it just frustrates the heck out of me that I can’t and never will be able to be sexual with a woman. Is there anyone going through this too? Please share!

-----

Hi there and thank you for sharing your story! You’re not being silly or dramatic, this is obviously and issue that’s caused you a lot of stress. I think it’s brave and probably very helpful for you to share.

First of all, I wanted to remind you that you’re not the only queer Muslim out there by far. I’m not Muslim, so it’s not up to me to say what’s the ‘right’ way to interpret Islamic texts (& anyway it would be shitty for me to do that even for someone with whom I share an religion), but: There are definitely lots of others out there who live both their religion and their sexuality, and see no conflict in this. I mention this less to say that a same-gender relationship would be an option for you – you mentioned that you’re married and I’m assuming you’re monogamous. But in my experience, it can reduce inner conflicts a lot to get rid of the feeling that your whole sexual identity clashes with your religion. I hope some of what I can share can help you feel more at peace with both parts of your identity.

Basically, the way I understand it: the Qur’an, like most historic texts, does not have a word for homosexuality (or bisexuality, for that matter). The most common justification for declaring homosexuality a sin which I have heard is that the Qur’an condemns the actions of the people of Lut, who, among other things, are said to have included men who had sex with men. The most common counter-argument I’ve heard for this is that the people of Lut actually did a lot of things they were condemned for, including forcing themselves on (male) guests – which was obviously both an act of violence and a violation of hospitality. So there’s a disagreement whether the sin was that they had same-gender sexual relationships, or that those relationships were forced on their guests.

I also liked a quote I have heard people use in the context of accepting Muslims of all races, backgrounds and sexualities:

And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.

(Sura 30, Verse 22)

I wish I could link you to the wonderful Safra Project, which used to run research projects on queer Muslim women and had all sorts of info for them, but unfortunately, the site has been deleted. If you’d like to connect to some other queer Muslim blogs, though, I can recommend our Resources for Bi People of Faith masterpost, where we have links to a collection of Muslim tumblrs and websites.

I understand, of course, that all the arguments you could collect are only of limited use if the people you deal with still believe same-gender attraction (or acting on it) is a sin. Depending on your environment they might be willing to listen to arguments or not, you may be able to argue with them or not. I’m not sure about your situation so I don’t want to make assumptions. But even if you don’t want to bring up the issue I thought it might be useful for you to be able to read up on these things to clarify how you relate to those arguments for your own faith.

The second thought I wanted to bring up is that if your sex life is causing you such frustrations, it’s totally ok to seek help with it! Are you in a position to seek counselling/therapy? Maybe even with someone who specializes in couples’ counselling (if you decide to share this with your husband) or sexuality-related problems? Of course, I wouldn’t recommend seeking help from someone who claims they can ‘cure’ same-gender attraction. But it seems to me that the larger issue here is you’re craving something you can’t have in your sexual relationship with your partner, and you’re looking for ways of dealing with this – either by getting something similar that the two of you CAN share, or by finding a way to distract yourself from these specific desires. I’m not a therapist, but I imagine there are productive (and queer-friendly) ways of dealing with both.

Excuse my ramblings! Most importantly, now, I’d like to open up the discussion to our followers. Anything to add/share?

mod platypus

#anonymous #bisexuality #identity #relationships #submission #bisexual muslims

6 notes · View notes