#daughtersofnarcissisticmothers

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

My scary Halloween costume this year 😆👻

[jounelle]

#daughtersofnarcissisticmothers

Prozac Nation (2001)

[letters-from-autismland]

Dear Autistic Girl,

You don’t have to call your mom on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to take her calls on Mother’s Day. You are allowed to hate your mother. You are not a bad person if that’s how you feel. You are under no obligation to fix your relationship with your mom. You have zero obligation to allow her anywhere near your life. Especially not on Mother’s Day. She may have chosen to be a mother. You did not choose to be her daughter. Sometimes daughters are victims of their mothers’ needs: for attention, for forgiveness, for identity. You are not a paper doll. You are not a figure in the dollhouse of your mother’s expectations. You are good. And that off- feeling you get around your mom: listen to that warning bell, alarm bell. Survive this day, this card holiday however you can. Sometimes we have to mother ourselves. When mom failed us, regardless of her hopes, plans, or intent. I’m here with you, as we get through this day, Autistic girl. You are good. You are brave. And I love you. *Your Internet friend, Autistic Woman.*

[sibyllinescribe]

Oficially...

Should I start out as Louis de Pointe du Lac and quote Copperfield? Or shall we begin when... I came into the light?

Like so many other dysfunctional families, mine was no different. A statistic even. But I hadn’t a clue as to how dysfunctional until the day of my 35th birthday.

Maybe one of these days I’ll get into that episode, but suffice it to say it gave me a vary clear view of where I stood within the pecking order. I am one of those millennial daughters you hear about “estranging” herself from her mom, or her whole family in some cases.

How could we! How ungrateful are we, huh? You gave us a roof, food, clothes well after the package of adulthood arrived at our feet on our 18th birthday. Suddenly we’re faced with a test a lot of us didn’t have the ability to study for. A failure on the caretaker(s) part. This failure furthers our decent. But a lot of us are finding our way into the light the narcissist will confuse as darkness.

This is my testimony of vibrating at your personal and healthy frequency. You are a powerful being, my friend. If I can go from practically bed-ridden to lifting weights in six months, I feel like I could use a platform to inspire just one person to find a way out of their prison.

[whichoneisme]

Check out this book on Goodreads: "Dear Daughter Of A Narcisstic Mother ...": 100 Letters To Help You Heal And Thrive http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35891016-dear-daughter-of-a-narcisstic-mother

This is a very helpful book for DONM. Also, there is a subreddit if you are looking for for community

[andarielscase]

As much as I love the quirky blog title I chose like 3 years ago (narcissextic) after being introduced to a new book called "you're not crazy, it's your mother" and learning about how narcissistic mothers work I'm starting to dislike it. A lot. I want to be nothing like my mother. She's mean on the inside but nice on the outside. She and the whole family will call me fat, oversensitive, a cry baby. Yes I fucking hold grudges. Because I NEVER GET APOLOGIES. ever. For the littliest things I will get upset. And I'm slowly learning that due to my upbringing which til recently I thought was okayish/not entirely great/okay it was hell.. Im the scapegoat. The I.P. the identified patient. To be the I.P of the family we are subconsciously selected to carry all of the problems of the family to manifest them. So we might grow up with eating disorders.. rruancy problems.. drinking problems.. drugs.. innapropriate sexual behaviour.. And we are blamed for every little thing. I'll confess to mother that I hated that she smacks me and she'll call me thick, dumb, stupid, fat, chubby, beefy, stocky. (Although I heard this from people that had come and gone in my life too.. including primary school teachers) Yes so I'll be a blabbering mess. She'll wanna hug me. I'll resist and tell her I don't want her to touch me. Then she'll get mad because I'm not accepting her version of an apology which always turns into a guilt trip. "I'm sorry it's just that etc etc etc.." "you make me so mad" "i still love you, i feel like you don't love me" "you're impossible" Then I'll apoligise to her for making her upset even though she's the one laying hands on her child. How come my siblings look okay on the outside.. I've had a cry with my sister about how she got treated the same. Yet she'll back her up every time I bring up the subject of her hitting me and calling me names. And she'll say it's in the past. And that I'm oversensitive and my dad will ignore it and change subject and my brother would be long gone not even apart of the conversation. Am I the strong one for actually talking to mum and trying to figure this out or am i the stupid one for bringing up the subject when theres more important things to be discussing like finance. I always thought I was oversensitive. It only shows that I express how I feel ans unfortunately I feel a lot. Because in my head I want to be the opposite of mother. And she hasn't cried in decades.

[rungazellerun-blog]

⁣ ⁣ Do you have a daily ritual that helps set your mindset for the day?⁣ ⁣ I have a canister of freshly ground Honduran coffee beans on my kitchen counter. Most mornings, I make coffee before doing anything else, and I realized I instinctively smell the coffee when I remove the lid and think, “Aaaahhh. Smells so good.” It also makes me feel good. I feel happier after smelling it. ⁣ ⁣ This last year, I decided to be more mindful during this moment and set my intention for the day as I take a whiff. Whether it’s writing 3,000 words or deciding to do yoga before breakfast instead of at lunch, or just resetting my thoughts after a night of insomnia or nightmares; I make a point to tell myself, “Enjoy your work. Be present in your mind and body. Nightmares are not reality, you are safe and you can be happy.” ⁣ ⁣ Smelling the coffee is an extremely small thing, almost involuntary, but it is a perfect ritual to reset my mindset and default thinking. ⁣ ⁣ What’s something small you do on a daily basis that could become a meditative ritual to retrain your survivor brain? ⁣ ⁣ Do you practice something like this currently? ⁣ ⁣ Please click the link in my bio to subscribe and join the the tribe of empathic gazelles! I’d love to have you. ⁣ ⁣ #acon #healingfromnarcissisticabuse #psychologicalabuse #retrainyourbrain #thebodykeepsthescore #narcissisticabuse #adultchildrenofnarcissists #healingfromabuse #ptsd #yoga #meditation #changeyourthoughts #mentalhealth #cptsdwarriors #cptsdrecovery #cptsd #cptsdawareness #narcissisticabusesyndrome #narcissisticmother #healingthoughts #ritual #healingrituals #survivingnarcissistabuse #abuserecovery #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers https://www.instagram.com/p/BtQysZRgFSx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g20pngd841z4

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

As a fellow adult child of a narcissist, I know first hand what a complete shitstorm this time of year can be. It can be really challenging to keep your boundaries when the manipulation tactics are in full force. It’s important to know what to look out for, and stay grounded in reality when this happens to prevent any disappointment when the cycle of abuse inevitably repeats if you give in to your narc parent’s demands for supply and attention. This is why each year I host a holiday workshop for the family scapegoat. If you want to… ✅ Start setting or stick to your low or no contact boundaries with narcissistic or toxic family members this year ✅ Gain tools to be able to deal with the narcissist at the family dinner if low/no contact isn't possible for you at this time ✅ Learn how to release the emotions of guilt and shame that narcissists use to try and control their targets ✅ Understand how to deal with people who say "FaMiLy iS eVeRyThInG" and have no real understanding that for some people, family is a great source of damage to their sense of self and ability to feel safe in the world But you don’t ❌ Know if you have the courage to set or keep boundaries, and are afraid of a potential smear campaign ❌ Want to waste more time on strategies that don't work ❌ Think it will be as bad this year, maybe the narcissist in your family changed and will keep being nice to you moving forward? ❌ Know where to start or if it's possible to get through the next couple of weeks as un-triggered as possible Then Surviving the Holidays When You're the Family Scapegoat is perfect for you! The workshop is happening LIVE this Friday at 12:00 pm EST (replay access will be available for 90 days if you can’t make it live), so make sure you register before then so you can secure your spot! Register today for only $57 (or included in tier 2 of my community membership!) at the link in my bio!🔥🔥🔥 #Narcissisticmother #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers #adultchildrenofnarcissists #scapegoat #blacksheepofthefamily #blacksheep #manipulators #estranged #motherwound #cyclebreakers #dysfunctionalfamily #narcissisticabuserecovery #redflags #toxicmother #toxicfamily https://www.instagram.com/p/CmbXMX5sRoX/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[rebirthofmothersoul]

One of the hardest experiences a daughter can have in a mother/daughter relationship is seeing that your mother is unconsciously invested in your smallness. For women in this predicament, it’s truly heart-wrenching to see that, out of her own wounding, the person who gave birth to you unconsciously sees your empowerment as her own loss. Ultimately, it’s not personal but a very real tragedy of our patriarchal culture that tells women they are “less than.” We all desire to be real, to be seen accurately, to be recognized, and to be loved for who we really are in our full authenticity. This is a human need. The truth is that the process of becoming our real selves involves being messy, big, intense, assertive and complex; the very things patriarchy portrays as unattractive in women. Historically, our culture has been hostile to the idea of women as true individuals. The patriarchy portrays attractive women as people-pleasing, approval-seeking, emotional caretakers, conflict-avoidant and tolerant of poor treatment. To some degree, mothers often pass these messages along to daughters unconsciously causing daughters to create a false self, usually, through the mask of the rebel, the loner or the good girl.  The main message is “You must stay small in order to be loved.” However, each new generation of women comes with the hunger to be real. One could say that with each new generation, the patriarchy is weakening and the hunger to be real is strengthening in women, and in fact, it’s now beginning to take on a certain urgency."   excerpt from.. "The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real

[whichoneisme]

Better understanding

Therapy yesterday went well. I am coming to some truths about the reality of my childhood, but also I see myself judging that I am even looking at it. Judging the healing I am currently doing. As I tell stories of what my childhood was like, It makes more sense. I see how trying it was. I don’t want to throw dirt on anyone in my family, or act as if it isn’t my responsibility, or that I can’t heal, but, it certainly creates a space of clarity. I am reading a book called “ Daughters of narcissistic mothers” and it fits my childhood to a T. And also helps clear some stuff up. 

 I walk around the house, thinking, I might forget to do something. And it hits me, that was a trait of my childhood. LONG LISTS of shit and chores I had to do to feel safe. When my mother was mad at me, she would slam doors, and I would clean, hoping she would love me again. She would eventually cool down from whatever set her off, and come hug me, and I was just supposed to be OK with that. Still, a lot of work to do. But I am also in a healthier place mentally and emotionally. 

Last week, we drove to Idaho for a funeral ( my grandmother, another terrible loss) and had to put down my pet companion, ( The loss of a pet is something that will take some time to recover from), I have taken a lot of hits emotionally. But I did a sensory deprivation float on Tuesday, and it feels as though I cleared the energy enough to move forward. 

I am grateful for the growth and how I am way more present in my life than I have ever been. 

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

Never expect a narcissist to admit they did something wrong, it’s deeply disrespectful in their culture.

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

Something I tell my clients all the time when they’re confused about pretty much anything the narcissist says or does: if you’re confused, you’re being abused.

Confusion is non existent or short lived in healthy relationships. Narcissists confuse their targets because confused ppl are easier to control.

Being confused doesn’t mean you’re misinterpreting, stupid, unable to understand things, etc. it means the other person is intentionally confusing you so they can control you.

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

The story of my narcissistic mother’s death is coming to YouTube tomorrow. Tap the link below to get notified

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

Here’s all 12 (so far) parts of my day in the life of a narcissistic mother series. More to come, subscribe to my YouTube channel so you don’t miss them!

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

They also put zero thought into dealing with those consequences and just resort to justifying and excusing their abusive behaviour, and acting as if their children cut them off on a whim. This is your permission slip to stop overthinking your boundaries, you were never the issue. Your boundaries with your narcissistic parent (or any narcissist in general) are also not the issue. The issue is the narc thinks it’s okay to treat you like shit and expects you to be there for them to continue abusing you. Fuck that. The other issue is the enablers who continue to cheerlead and support the abuser - imagine if survivors had that level of support? Fuck enablers too. /end rant #Narcissisticmother #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers #adultchildrenofnarcissists #raisedbynarcissists #traumahealing #scapegoat #estranged #motherwound #cyclebreakers #dysfunctionalfamily #narcissisticabuserecovery

[letsgetyourshifttogether]

Who can relate 😅 #Narcissisticmother #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers #adultchildrenofnarcissists #raisedbynarcissists #traumahealing #enablers #goldenchild #blacksheepofthefamily #blacksheep #estranged #motherwound #cyclebreakers #dysfunctionalfamily #narcissisticabuserecovery #toxicmother #toxicfamily