#danzo is a bitch

[rae-irien-kimura]

Okay, so, I’ve got this headcanon that Orochimaru went nuts after the time he spent in Root - aka Danzo fucked up his head, manipulating him into carrying out experiments he didn’t want to and enforcing several obsessions on him. I think it fits pretty neatly. I never could quite wrap my head around how Orochimaru went so crazy without obvious reasons, it’s like he was, well, weird but friendly guy and then he suddenly is a heartless vivisector, there is definitely something missing.

[nartml]

My blood boils every time, every damn time, I think about how Sasuke was treated. Specifically in comparison to Orochimaru. That absolute scumbag was the true definition of evil, and he got off with just a slap on the wrist??

And Sasuke, someone who didn't actually commit any significant crime other than killing Danzo (which, good for him btw) and wanting to destroy the village (wanting to do something and actually going through with it are two worlds apart), someone who just wanted justice for the shit the system has put him –and his family– through, gets treated so disgustingly? They want to lock him up for what? For the actions caused by the trauma they put him through? Fuck that.

It's ludicrous to me how some people are okay with that? How do some people not see how fucked that is?

Yeah, no thanks.

[xxxhoekage]

I don’t think Itachi did anything wrong, the Uchiha were set on overthrowing the village

Fuck Itachi.. we hate Itachi over here.

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

incapable of being a sasuke hater but its only cuz ive completely forgotten about him as a Character and only see him through the lens of Rin Narrative Agency Device. and i am the number one nohara rin apologist in the world (not saying that shes never done anything wrong just that she should be allowed to do terrible terrible things) and so because sasuke is mostly just doing things rin could have done i of course have nothing to forgive him of .

[orcelito]

That bitch Danzo getting killed and it starts showing his past like I'm supposed to be sad for this piece of shit??? I'm Not. He's a warmonger and a fucking snake. He caused so much suffering, literally inlaid the eyes of Sasuke's murdered clan in his arm -- the clan that HE ORDERED TO BE MURDERED. He conducted genocide for the sake of "peace", and even in death he thinks it's for the best of the village. Nevermind the fact that he literally stole children from their families to indoctrinate them into his underground cult, and he was just Allowed to do this??? Hiruzen when I catch you...!!!!!!

Anyways fuck this dude, I'm glad he's dead. Good for you, Sasuke.

[vaultsixtynine]

anyway. sakura gets disrespected by the narrative constantly (in little but extremely overt ways. imo. and they accumulate until it boils over into 'wow that's fucked') and i'm holding yamato and sai in my arms and pointing a fucking gun at danzo

[valtiels-darkness]

"I like your newest work. It's good. It's solid. You're onto something, jounin Orochimaru. Keep pursuing." Rare praise should taste sweet.

He was on edge.

Rather, he was on the edge. He'd just got back from the frontlines not two days ago and was knee deep in his research. Do not get him wrong, he thrived in this state of being. Simply existing on the precipice of sleep deprivation induced frenzy and mania. The only evidence of his state was the compulsion burning within his eyes. They blazed with an intensity that even had his teammates treading carefully around him.

They were never quite supportive of his..... studies, as it were.

Midday found Orochimaru with a rather thick file under his arms, walking the halls of the Intelligence Division, intent on consulting one Yamanaka Inoichi who might shed light on a working hypothesis. It was there, where Danzo had cordially stopped him. The jounin inclined his head in greeting, out of respect. Jiraiya, he knew if the oaf was even here, would be glaring at the 'Old War Hawk', he'd so very eloquently put it. Orochimaru was about to speak, an offer of a polite greeting and an apology for his haste (he really needed to catch that Yamanaka), but Danzo had broken the silence.

Orochimaru was...taken aback, really. His eyes widened just a fraction. It certainly was scarce that the man offered praise, and even more so, to offer encouragement. Yet, Orochimaru was always a bit on the more reserved side, taking any praise with a grain of salt. This would be no different, but he did allow himself to bask in it... Just a little bit.

Especially after his latest stint on the battlefield. "Thank you, Danzo-sama. I intend to do just that." His voice was hoarse from disuse and he proffered a shallow bow. "If you'll excuse me? I have a consultation I must attend."

[cosmicrhetoric]

sai from naruto is easily the funniest character in the entire cast but i forget he's alive literally any time he's not directly in front of my face

[obessivedork]

Man Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi being dramatic about Sasuke's "I'm going to DESTROY KONOHA!" arc is so funny like girl he was ALWAYS one single minor inconvenience away from the deep end- you guys just actively ignored that. "Oh no he attacked with intent to kill, he's no longer the Sasuke we once knew!!!"

G U Y S ???!!!!!

Hello?

[hibiscusseaart]

yesterday i had a glorious fucking migraine and i had thoughts about au of the time travel tobirama au

basically what if Tobirama fails and dies like about a year after the marriage with Madara. Konoha is building and everything, everyone is happy and then Tobirama fucking dies.

I didn't think of the reason, but maybe he was killed in battle or smth. Maybe by some clan like idk Shimura :)

(prob bc of Black Zetsu)

So, expectedly, Madara loses his fucking mind and it's even worse than when Izuna died, cuz they're supposed to be at peace what the fuck. Madara tries to raze the entire clan responsible for his sweet husband's death.

Hashirama doesn't let him do that and Madara leaves the village, where Black Zetsu catches onto him.

So basically, canon, but Tobirama was never Niidaime and Izuna lived.

The second Hokage would be, idk, Itama, who's fucking terrified and he didn't signed up for this shit!

But yeah, he's the Niidaime and he does everything in his power to implement everything Tobirama wanted to do for the village. And it's a lot. A LOT. Honestly like the dude knew he's gonna be a Hokage one day, he left MANY notes.

Itama appoints Kagami as his successor, cuz that's what Tobirama would want.

Danzo, being a bitch at the Uchiha clan, since Madara had a huge beef with his clan, kills Kagami, takes his eyes, makes it mission accident yada-yada, Itama appoints Hiruzen the next Hokage.

Idk why Itama left the position, but he never wanted it anyway. He did everything his brother wanted and peaced out to go smoke.

So, the canon happens.

The 4th war happens.

Orochimaru raises the dead Hokage, but not only him, Tobirama is there too, since he was super smart and his personal fav.

"Oh fuck, not again," Tobirama said, hiding his face in his hand. Everyone thought that's about the time Orochimaru made him fight in the Konoha crush on chuunin exams. He choose him over Itama, cuz even though Itama is a good Hokage, but he's a healer for the most part and not that useful on the battlefield.

Sasuke asks his questions and then he asks Tobirama.

"Uchiha Tobirama. The history says that you were married off to the Uchiha clan, to Madara, against your will and then took the suicide mission after a year in marriage. Is this true? You hated the Uchiha so much that you killed yourself?"

"I did what"

"Well, you were the one who created Uchiha Police Force..." Orochimaru said.

"First of all, I planned it to go further than the Uchiha and to supervise it myself. At the first stages it was supposed to be only Uchiha because it was one of the most competent clans to do this job and my clan that I trusted. Second of all, 'against my will'? Seriously?! I did not chase Madara since I was 9 to write our marriage off as a political marriage! What the fuck!"

Everyone, except Hashirama and Itama looked shocked at this confession.

"Where IS my husband? Trying to avenge my death to the whole world?"

"Uh, yeah.."

"Of fucking course. I should've left him a note specifically saying that he needs to be in the fucking village and take care of our clan. Now what? Our clan is just one a vengeful child!"

Tobirama paused, feeling up the battlefield.

"And one more Uchiha who lost his shit. Of fucking course"

Everyone shocked, cuz Tobirama had a reputation who hated Uchiha, cuz his brother married him off to them as a peace offering. Then Sasuke makes Hashirama talk about all this talk about village, Hokage, shinobi yada yada yada

Senju brothers are PISSED at Hiruzen and Danzo (thank fuck he's dead right). Hiruzen looked remorseful and said that he knew that everyone expected Kagami to become Hokage and not him.

Ok, so!

Tobirama was the fastest one to rush to the battle field. He had a feral husband to calm down.

He arrived and just stood before Madara, who froze in shock.

"Husband, come here," Tobirama said, opening his arms. Alliance is just standing there gaping cuz what the fuck

Madara didn't notice Tobirama at first, since he masked his chakra by habit. But even then he was exited to meet Hashirama and fight once more. But then he sees Tobirama and FUCK all these plans, his huband is here!!!

Madara just crushed into Tobirama. He had no idea that Tobirama could've been edo tensei'ed the whole time!

"Calm down, dear. What have you done here?" Tobirama asked, petting his husband's hair.

"I just wanted to bring you back..."

"Oh dear... You stupid, stupid man," Tobirama shook his head and kissed him, while the whole Alliance watches shocked.

And this is a story how Tobirama stopped the 4th war singlehandedly.

Ofc there's Obito, but they sic Naruto on him and it's all good. Though Black Zetsu tried something, but Tobirama is fucking READY for him. He will avenge his husband's sanity.

Before they go to Pure Lands again, Tobirama said to Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto "Fucking fix your history books! I love my husband since I was 9!" (he actually didn't, but no one should know about it, okay)

And Madara is there just clinging to Tobirama with all his body and refusing to let go. He doesn't care about Eternal Tsukuyomi anymore, cuz he can hug his husband once more.

Migraine AUs sure are interesting

[narutocharacterpolls]

FINAL ROUND

HATAKE KAKASHI vs SENJU TSUNADE

Reasons for submission under the cut

Kakashi

relatable as an adult

he is just an overworked guy who was told to watch some kids w LOTS of issues

needs therapy

good presence and guidance in Narutos life

interesting

cares about and is dedicated to his students very much

he is just cool

he is trying his best despite what he has been through in the past

is up for having fun but still knows when to be serious

was a narcissistic shit but grew out of it

has good intentions

sexy

wonderfully complex and well developed character

incredibly resilient and supportive

a sad and deeply broken man

always willing to give his life to protect them and his other precious people

just wanted everything to be ok for once in his life

hated Danzo

his friendship with Gai is adorable

the way he teases Tenzo is fun

he’s known as cool and aloof but in reality he’s a huge dork

Gai would want him to win

Tsunade

milf….

was the best hokage

the regulation she created to include medics on every team saved so many lives

she's funny and a complex and interesting character

is a bad bitch

probably THE most competently written female character in the entire series

she has a very rich history that plays into her character's actions and motivations

wanting to be the best medic-nin possible in order to save more lives because she lost her love Dan, and also change the way ninja squads operated to always have a medic to save more lives did so much for the better during the war to reduce casualties

after being broken down by so many people she cares about dying, she dips and leaves behind ninja society, which has taken everything from her (including wiping out her clan)

because Tsunade is also one of the most legendary/strongest ninja alive, no one could really stop her or chain her down. It takes the conviction of a child who wants her to save the village and heal his friends to get her back to Konoha, despite the all the trauma she's endured

she's a medic with a fear of blood that overcomes that to fight her own teammate and beat his ass so Orochimaru stops killing and maiming people

she steps up to be a leader because it's what the new generation need and someone has to fix all the stuff broken by her selfish teammates and old teacher

the strongest female character both in physical strength and the strength of her writing. It's like she was written first as a character versus most of the other female characters being written first as Girl and Love Interest

Tsunade is vain and a chronic gambler and drunk, she is really brash and abrasive, she is traumatized. But she's also deeply caring, an incredibly accomplished woman, one of the smartest people/medics in the world, and a great leader

she's multi-layered. She is a woman, but her entire character isn't just Woman

finally finished the job on Jiraiya on previous poll

strong arms

she is strong and smart and quick as a whip but still soft and caring when it comes to her loved ones. Characters with rough exteriors who are mushy inside are very good

[rayshippouuchiha]

I saw "9/10th with Fem!Naruto" and immediately thought "okay but platonic"

Because this is a village full of ANBU and jounin and That Bitch Danzo. So, being a stalker yandere would be kinda hard. BUT Tiny!Naru has ANBU guards and ROOT was still legally operating when he was smol so there probably was ROOT in his guard.

What I'm saying is that Tiny!Sai thinks Fem!Naruto must be the will of Amatersau Hi no Kami walking or her daughter or something because there is no other way she's that warm and bright in both personality and complexion otherwise. But the important thing is that he thinks she's one of the divine.

I'm also saying that the reason of Danzo "dying of old age" being Tiny!Sai heard Uchiha Shisui say "she's adorable" once would be hilarious. Instant trust. Like I can just imagine the wheels turning in both of their adorable little heads.

Shisui "he can't advocate against the clan if he's dead" Uchiha

&

Sai "I heard him talk shit about the Little Goddess one time and it will be his last"

I mean there are plot holes because Sai didn't graduate until later for one but. Just imagine. After Danzo's death many younger ROOT children just get shown into the academy/genin corps and suddenly Naruto has a following because they're easily manipulated if something is presented as a fact and Sai can't shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry this ran away with me but this got me really excited I might even write it but also everyone else is welcome to write this because I find the whole thing hilarious

Oh god this would be great platonic like you said, it'd be great as Naruto/Sai, or even a Naruto/Harem kinda of thing because yes ye yes to it all

[dranosh-haran-of-paleoworld]

why do you hate itachi so much?

Because he's one of the worst written characters in the entire manga bar, none. The guy is NOT a fucking hero, good guy or anything, he's a bad guy through and through.

This guy willingly betrayed his own people and family, selling them out to the government who wanted to destroy them all. He knew about Obito and that he was behind the 9-Tails attack but said nothing to anyone. He discriminated against his own people and slaughtered them all to the last child. He cast Tsukuyomi on his own parents and brutally murdered them, tortured his own little brother beyond imagine with one torture session putting Sasuke in a fucking coma, one he would've never gotten out of if it wasn't for that bitch Tsunade and that's the only good Tsunade did in the series. Itachi thought he was wiser and more noble than his own people, which was pure and utter arrogance. When brought back as an edo, he said that a 7-year-old Sasuke could've changed the clan. He called himself Itachi Uchiha of Konoha and that he specifically had no regrets he was a massive piece of shit in life and death.

None of his plans make any kind of fucking sense. He wanted to save Konoha from war even though the other villages wouldn't have attacked for their own reasons.

Kumo already had a treaty in place after the Hyuga Incident, and it was preoccupied with gathering and collecting jutsus as well as kidnapping kids with kekkei genkai and rare bloodline abilities.

Iwa felt threatened by Kumo's growing militarization, and as such, Ohnoki was busy hiring the Akatsuki to do jobs for him to counter Kumo.

Thanks to Obito controlling Yagura, Kiri was in a massive state of chaos and strife with the bloodline purges and the various defections.

Suna was already extremely weak to attack Konoha on its own, and that weakness was present even before Gaara was born, and it just got worse after his birth, with his murderous rampages that wiped out half of his village and that's why Suna hired Orochimaru and his Sound village for assistance in the Chunin Exams.

So Itachi saved Konoha from zero potential wars, especially when none of the other villages attacked after Obito's, Orochimaru's, and Pain's assaults in the series.

He practically sent Sasuke gift wrapped to Orochimaru or Danzo. He knew about Obito and Pain's plans and yet did nothing about them, which just screwed over Konoha immensely.

He was never a prodigy or anything, unlike Sasuke. His fights are just him using genjutsu on his opponents and overpowering them with it, which just childish and stupid. He pulled Susanoo, Mirror Yata, and the Tsoka Blade out of his ass.

That's not even getting into his fanbase and how morally bankrupt they are.

This fucker is all over the place and doesn't make sense. Dushman-e-jaan has posts that go into greater detail about how this guy doesn't make sense, and I recommend you read them as she does an infinitely better job at explaining my dislike for Itachi than I have.

[happypanda101]

I've briefly talked about this on my other blog once before, but people REALLY seem to miss the point of the false love confession Sakura gives Naruto. Like, the fact that moment CONTINUES to fly over people's heads makes me feel mad.

Now, is this me saying it was totally justified? No. I believe it would have been better if Sakura just told Naruto the truth, but it's not like her intentions were evil in that moment. First of all, people seem to like to downplay of the part that Sai played in all of this. Sai, a member of team seven who has been conditioned to not feel any sort of emotion in Danzo's anbu and is still learning how to express his feelings. Someone who still doesn't understand the bond that the previous team 7 had. Now, this isn't me hating on Sai, I love Sai. But the fact is that he guilt-tripped Sakura into making that confession in the first place by comparing her to the curse mark on his tongue. He confronted her at literally the worst times. The village just barely managed to survive Pain's attack, Tsunade is in a coma, and Danzo has been appointed Hokage and has put a hit on Sasuke's head. And lets not forget Shikamaru literally telling her that if they don't take matters into their own hands, a war could break out between the leaf and the cloud. Sakura is getting hit from all sides without a moment to breathe.

The mere idea that she was hurting Naruto destroyed her. She's already witnessed the state he was in after he'd transformed into part of Kurama in the fight with Orochimaru. Not to mention that she tried to lie about how she got the marks on her arm because she didn't want him to feel guilty. But no. Apparently she doesn't care about Naruto at all. The only reason she felt that telling Naruto that she loves him would be the only way to stop him is because Sai has convinced her that that's the only reason he's continuing to chase after Sasuke. But that's not it at all, and I feel like that's also a fact that ends up going over people's heads. It was never about the promise. Even if Sakura hadn't made that request to him, Naruto would be fighting tooth and nail to get Sasuke back. Because he cares about him too. Sasuke was one of the people that made Naruto feel like life was worth living. Hell, he keep saying that he couldn't become Hokage until he'd saved him and brought him home. If anything, he was more selfish when it came to Sasuke. But that can be a discussion for another time. The fact of the matter is that Sakura isn't some evil bitch that tried to manipulate Naruto. Sure, her actions were a little misguided, but she had good intention. She couldn't bare the idea of Naruto hurting/dying because of her, and was willing to take his hatred if that meant she could keep him safe.

[decaffeinatedcupcakekid]

Hating in my mind isn’t enough anymore. I need someone to invent dimensional travel so I can bitch slap Danzo.

[kcuf-ad]

Virgin Naruto vs Chad Sasuke.

Naruto:

Has no bitches.

Has the loudest outfit on

Needs the power of a Demon Fox to stay relevant.

0 Rizz.

Only saved the Leaf once.

Has 3 powerful Sensei, still needed Space Ninja Powers.

Only knows 3 Jutsus.

A massive hypocrite.

Married the only girl that gave him attention.

Is a bootlicker to Konoha.

Sasuke:

Has the most amount of bitches, doesn't even try.

Has drip with every outfit he wears.

Still a powerful Ninja without his eyes.

Has so much rizz that he tried to kill Sakura and Karin, the same day, but they still want his sword.

Killed Orochimaru, 2 Akatsuki members and Danzo, all dangers to Konoha.

Almost killed all of his senseis.

Has massive amount of Jutsus and even created 1 powerful Jutsu.

Doesn't go back to his Word.

Pulled the hottest girl in the show.

Goes against that racist, slave owning, child soldiering village.