#danmei smut

[selenescribes]

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ℛ𝓊𝓁ℯ𝓈

- This is a blog dedicated to writing smut content

- Minors please do not interact

- My requests are always open unless stated otherwise so feel free to send requests/asks anytime as long as it doesn't violate my rules on what I won't write (stated below)

- I have no problems in writing for male, female, or gender neutral readers. Just state your preference along with your request

- Respectful discussions are welcome

- Feel free to interact with me casually using my asks. I can indulge in any conversation with you as long as you're not disrespectful

- Feel free to discuss issues privately via direct messages

Won't write

- Some kinks (like p!ss kink and those similar to it)

- Abuse

- Pedophilia

Fandoms i'm willing to write for

- Genshin Impact

- Honkai Star Rail

- Alien Stage

- Twisted Wonderland

- Danmei

- svsss

- tgcf

- mdzs

- erha

- etc. (just req and we'll see if i know them)

- Manhwa (bl & non-bl)

- Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

- Dark Fall

- Jinx

- etc. (just req and we'll see if i know them)

- Manga

- just req and we'll see if i know them

- Anime

- bsd

- kny

- aot

- ttigras

- etc. (just req and we'll see if i know them)

- C-drama

- the untamed

- word of honor

- till the end of the moon

- etc. (just req and we'll see if i know them)

- Yansim (male rivals)

- Shadow & bone (netflix + novel) series

[ladydostoevsky]

Idk of request are still opens, but if no you can just ignore this haha.

Sooo can you do an escenario of hua cheng x male!reader x xie lian where the reader was the best friend of xie lian before xian le fell and like with the power of character backstory they knew hua cheng aswell.

That was like the context, but my request is like:

After the 800 years of previous events, xie lian, hua cheng and the reader meet again at the banyue arc(with xie lian meeting hua cheng fisrt ofc) and when they saw the reader (who ill suppose died by saving xie lian from something and u know, ✨️drama✨️) they can't belive it cus his soul should have been banished and welp. After the end of the thing (timeskip) when the reader tries to leave after helping em' with the mission, both xie lian and hua chen stop him from doing so. But why did M/N tried to leave as fast as possible? Hoho, well let's say he accidentaly inhaled a flowers scent wich had an strong afrodasic and didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of his dearest friends and tried to leave (failling miserably) and we all know both of our bois are so fricking touch starved at this point and here is where the smut makes it's presentation. (idk much about that so u can just wite it however you'd like, but reader should be the bottom oh yes hahah)

ik its a large request so if its too much just ignore me haha 😭.

A tender touch🌺

Xie Lian & Hua Cheng x m!reader

Warnings: nsfw, 18+, novel and donghua spoilers, little bit violence, breeding, m!sex

A/N: I’m not the best when it comes to smut, especially when it’s threesome so warning, this is really cringe🥲 but I hope you like it

The floor of the temple was icy, freezing, just like the atmosphere which surrounded them. Fear seeped through y/n, who was kneeling on the cold ground, before the altar of a temple on which Xie Lian was chained on. He didn’t know if he was more afraid of the creature, the monster with white half crying-smiling mask or this thing hurting Xie Lian - his prince, his best friend, his beloved. The latter. In his hand, was the little ghostfire who tried to keep them out of the temple and warn them. y/n felt pity for it.

He bowed down, his forehead touching the ground. ‘’Please. I beg you. Take me. Have mercy on His Highness. Whatever you plan to do, please take me instead of him.’’ y/n straightened himself a little and looked with teary eyes towards the white clothed creature, pleading, ‘’I beg you… punish me for whatever he has done,’’ he whispered desperately. ‘’Y/N! STOP IT! I FORBID YOU TO SAY ANOTHER WORD. YOU WILL NOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR ME!’’ Xie Lian screamed. The creature laughed out loud, slowly moving towards yn, like a predator. ‘’DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM, YOU FUCKER. LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS.’’ The Crown Prince screamed but to no avail, the creature ignored him. y/n gulped as he got closer. ‘’My my, are you a brave one,’’ he stopped right in front of him and crouched down to be on the same eye level, the little ghost still in his hand, ‘’and so stupid. Willing to give your life for someone else's sins and choices.’’

y/n eyes widened slightly after the realization. He whispered to the mask in front of him, ‘’kill me instead then.’’ The little fire started to glow even more, little sounds coming from it. ‘’Oh I will. Let’s see what face His Highness will make after it.’’ The next second Fang Xin pierced through y/n.

y/n looked at the ground, in shame and sadness. He didn’t dare to look His Highness in the eyes, or even San Lang, who he knew was actually Hua Cheng. ‘’I don’t understand…how?’’ The Crown Prince was in shock, in disbelief. Xie Lian saw his best friend being killed in front of his eyes by White No-Face. Same as Xie Lian, Hua Cheng felt some kind of betrayal and hurt, he - being a little pitiful and weak ghostfire - also was in that temple and saw everything. If he really somehow survived, why didn’t he come looking for His Highness? It has been 800 years…

‘’Tell me, how are you here? What happened to you?’’ Xie Lian asked, his earlier shock turning into a sadness. y/n looked at San Lang then Xie Lian. ‘’Did you really think he would have let me die? That easily? My life was worse than hell, a constant torture after that night.’’ He looked away from them, towards the darkness of the cave. All hidden and locked up memories coming back to him. ‘’He did that only to torment and manipulate you. And me.’’ Xie Lian let out a sight he realized he was holding. Hua Cheng’s eyes were full of sorrow. They looked at each other then back to y/n.

He looked at Xie Lian, ‘’I’m sorry, Your Highness. After that, I didn’t dare to show my face anymore. Not like the monster would have let me. I was afraid. I hated myself for I couldn’t save you in the end. I blame myself till this day. You had to go through so much because I was too weak to protect you.’’ Hua Cheng’s dead heart warmed in that moment. After all, he felt the exact same way. He blamed himself for not protecting the two when they needed it the most. But he is here now, and he will protect them for eternity, from now on.

‘’Can you forgive me, Your Highness? I understand if you don’t want to or-’’ Xie Lian gave a sad smile and moved closer to y/n. ‘’There is nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong. It was never your fault, it was White No-Face who did this. I just wish you hadn't been there. I’m sorry you had to go through this, because of me.’’ The prince leaned closer and hugged his former friend. It took the man by surprise but gladly accepted it. The warmth of his best friend being so foreign to him. He locked eyes with San Lang who looked at him with sadness. y/n gave him a sweet smile of reassurance, for which the Ghost King smiled back.

After that the three stuck together the whole mission. y/n and San Lang got to know each other more, surprisingly they clicked immediately. Hua Cheng and Xie Lian still didn’t know how y/n survived that night. He wasn’t a god, neither a ghost so what was he? But they understood that it was not their business if y/n didn’t want to tell them.

Currently, everyone was looking for the Banyue Fern to use as an antidote for the scorpion-tailed snake’s venom. Unfortunately, y/n had strayed too far from the others. He realized it when he found flowers that shouldn’t be growing in a desert. They were bright, colorful and smelled so nicely. They were tempting. They were so very familiar…

NO! The land of the tender! They were the tender flowers that contained strong aphrodisiacs. The moment he realized he backed off. Thank the heavens that these flowers didn’t speak or he would have surely done something he couldn’t even imagine. He ran back to the others, hoping that the aphrodisiac didn’t make it to his system.

After all the hell was over and the mission completed, Earth Master Ming Yi and Wind Master Shi Qingxuan came to take Pei Xiu back to heaven realm. The gods exchanged a few words. Beside Hua Cheng, y/n felt ill. His body temperature had risen after the tender flowers. He was sweating and his knees felt weak. He holds one hand in front of his lower face to hide his reddened face and to seal his mouth. Hua Cheng turned to him, concerned, ‘’y/n? Is everything alright? You seem… sick.’’ Only thing he could do was nod his head and turn away from him.

With every passing second he could feel more sweat forming on his skin, he wanted to let out sounds he thought he could never form. He felt a painful pulsing between his legs. Seeing Xie Lian and Hua Cheng next to him didn’t help, it made it all worse. Slowly, he started to back off but Hua Cheng grabbed his forearm before he could escape. Xie Lian walked over to them. ‘’y/n, what’s wrong?’’ He walked to him and put his palm on his forehead to feel his temperature. ‘’You are burning! You must have a fewer.’’ Feeling his prince’s touch he put his hand over his mouth even harder. He let out weird noises that neither of the two understood. y/n shook his head. ‘’Gege, we have to get him somewhere else. I don’t think it’s sickness.’’

The two brought y/n to an old empty house of Banyue. They put him on the floor, making him sit against a wall. Only sound that was heard was y/n’s constant breathing. With shaky hands he tried to open his robe. ‘’Y-you two… you h-have to leave.’’ Xie Lian was first to react. He crouched down in front of him, ‘’we will not. Tell us what happened?’’

He helped y/n and tore the robe’s front open so he could get some cold air. His fingers brushed against y/n’s hot skin which made him let out a little whine. Xie Lian’s breath stuck, but he didn’t back off. ‘’T-the flowers, t-tender…’’ the arousal he felt made it hard to talk. San Lang came next to Xie Lian and put his hand on y/n’s chest, feeling his fast heartbeat. y/n wrapped his fingers around San Lang’s wrist, not wanting him to pull away.

‘’That’s what I thought,’’ Hua Cheng whispered, mostly to himself. ‘’Please…’’ y/n’s other hand made it to his hard erection. His hand was quickly replaced with Xie Lian’s, ‘’you helped us today so well, it’s only fair if we help you now.’’ The prince and the Ghost King gave a knowing smile to each other. Hua Cheng tore the whole robe to shreds, freeing the whole body beneath it free to the cold air of Banyue. Xie Lian leaned in and kissed his old friend, his- no- their beloved.

His tongue taking the lead and exploring every corner he could find. His fingers ran delicately over y/n soft pink nipples. The man didn’t see the point to hold back anymore and let out all the sounds that were stuck in his throat. Hua Cheng also leaned closer and wrapped his fingers around y/n’s precum leaking cock. He slightly pressed on to the pink tip which made y/n whine against Xie Lian’s mouth.

‘’Don’t worry, love. We will take good care of you,’’ whispered Hua Cheng. Xie Lian leaned back, a string of saliva connecting the two. ‘’Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, y/n?’’ Xie Lian said while taking off his white robe. Hua Cheng followed and his red clothing was thrown somewhere he could care less. This time Xie Lian took y/n's pulsing cock and started slowly moving his hand up and down. San Lang latched his mouth onto y/n’s sensitive nipple, kissing and teasing it. y/n moaned their names, feeling himself nearing. ‘’X-Xie Lian…nghh San L-Lang, I’m g-gonna cum.’’ Xie Lian’s other hand played with y/n’s smooth hair, ’’cum for us, dear.’’ He came without a second thought.

The Crown Prince gave him a sweet, loving smile, pecked his darling’s soft lips and started moving towards his abdomen, leaving butterfly kisses behind. He took all of y/n in his mouth, swallowing his cum in the process. With his experience in sword swallowing in the past it wasn’t very hard. He had no gag reflex.

While Xie Lian was busy with y/n’s cock, San Lang used his own precum and saliva as a lube and smeared it on his own hard cock. y/n felt his second orgasm coming. In ecstasy he grabbed Xie Lian’s hair, not wanting him to pull away. ‘’Y-your Highness…mm,’’ The prince started to run his fingers gently across y/n’s body. Being so hot, bothered and sensitive, this act threw him over the edge again and he came deep into Xie Lian’s mouth. ‘’Xie Lian…’’ he breathed out a whisper, barely hearable. ‘’Such a good boy, aren’t you? So good for us,’’ Hua Cheng teased with his low voice. The man beneath let out a desperate whine, knowing what’s coming next. The black haired king leaned closer, giving him a gentle kiss on his forehead and lips. ‘’I’ll try to be gentle.’’ Xie Lian went to y/n’s neck and started to suck marks into his skin.

San Lang positioned himself in front of y/n’s unprepared entrance and slowly entered. Feeling soft and thigh walls around him he let out a grunt, entering inch by inch. y/n let out loud cries from the pain. Tears started to drip down from the corners of his eyes. Xie Lian shushed him, assuring that everything was alright. He kissed the tears away and started to abuse his mouth with his tongue again. When Hua Cheng was finally all in, and confirmed that y/n wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, he started moving his hips. At the beginning it was slow and gentle, as time went by he started to speed up. Rocking in and out like an animal in heat.

He pulled y/n’s legs more towards him to hit that one spot that surely made his darling lose it. y/n grabbed onto Xie Lian to steady himself. ‘’Gods y/n…’’ San Lang moaned, feeling his peak coming. He pressed y/n into a mating position, to look him into his beautiful tear stained eyes while he cums deep into his gore. y/n screamed, feeling overstimulated. ‘’S-San L-Lang… p-please,’’ with a few more pumps he came inside.

After a few moments he pulled out, panting. Feeling himself coming down from his high. He watched how some of his seed tried to come out of y/n. He pushed it back inside with his fingers, smiling, feeling some kind of pride. ‘’You are so beautiful like this. Now my beloved…’’ Xie Lian moved away from his side and placed himself on top of y/n. He already knew that it was going to be a long night.

[benevolenterrancy]

*glances at svsss' vol 4 worth of extras, aka 'the whump and smut pile'* you haven't seen anything yet

You guys are seriously taking an axe to my self-control;;; I'm trying to make this series last longer than a single month!! I'm trying to savour things!!! I'm trying to read something else and give the series a bit of breathing room before I pick up the last book but I want the "whump and smut pile" I want that so much I feel like a dog that's getting a treat waved in front of its face .·´¯`(；´д｀)´¯`·.

[drawulan]

[realbeijinger]

Resurrection and Reunion

I wrote this fic detailing HuaLian’s smutty reunion at the end of the novel after being separated for a year (when Hua Cheng died for the third time). I wanted more details, and also wanted to show more of the world through Hua Cheng’s eyes, including what he believes and how he got there. (In other words, there will be smut, a hint of angst, and plenty of feels :D ).

Starts when Hua Cheng returns and is lighting lanterns on top of Mount Taicang. Here's a snippet:

He searches his face—the soft, princely countenance, the warm, tender eyes. It’s the face that has been with him all along, keeping him company as he passed in and out of existence, like a far off vision that changes depending on the light.

And now, he is really here. 

He feels himself take a step forward.

The movement seems to shake Xie Lian out of his trance, and he quickly jolts to his feet, scrambling down from the cart. Hua Cheng takes another step, and then another, realizing too late that he is running, sprinting down toward him. But he sees Xie Lian is running too, and suddenly he has folded him in his arms, pressing him tightly against his chest. Slowly, he reaches up, cradling the soft contour of the back of his head. “Gege,” he whispers.

Read on AO3:

[foxyyaoguai]

Bottom Lan Wangji is such an interesting flavor to me. He is the perfect mix of horny and also ashamed of the fact that he is horny.

I just imagine Wei Wuxian forcing him to tell him exactly what he wants to have done to him. It might take a spanking to get all the details, but afterwards Wei Wuxian would definitely deliver it exactly as he needs it (and maybe add some ideas of his own 😏).

[kaeyastittywindow]

Someday I'll write a zhongxiao fic titled "how to get your last remaining yaksha to retire with you: a guide by the former god of geo" but until i get through the psychic damage of the chasm quest as well as zhongli and xiao's story quests (as well as i think ei and itto's orz) ill simply get my fix with smut o|-<

[aidoneuswrite]

𝑾𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑺𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 𝑶𝑷𝑬𝑵 !!

𝐻𝐴𝑉𝐸 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐 𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛，𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 ？？

𝑁𝑂 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔！

𝐼’𝑀 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝒚𝒐𝒖!

－

𝑅𝐸𝐴𝐷 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑜 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑚 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑝𝑖𝑒𝑐𝑒 ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[expertoverdrive]

I think this is accurate for almost every reddit-to-tumblr fandom migration. All of the fandoms I was in on reddit nitpicked so much about the source material, and while tumblr is mostly free of that, there is so much more smut and smut art

I think I’m liking tumblr more tbh

going from the reddit star wars fandom to the tumblr star wars fandom is giving me insane whiplash. the upside is that people aren’t bitching about every single imperfect detail in the entire franchise, but the downside is that i’ve seen more fanart of obi wan and commander cody tenderly knowing each other than i have ever wanted to in my life in the last three hours and it has probably fundamentally altered the way i interact with the entire franchise

[danmeiblr]

i fucking hate censorship

[foxghost]

Hello! Thank you for the detailed response! I think that’s exactly why I interpret the Nan Ke Ji extra to be a happy ending. Like you said, Li Xiao is Li Xiao at the end of it all, he can never be his past life Zhang Mu. But he is just like Zhang Mu where he also is attracted to Xu Lingyun or Li Qingcheng. That attraction and interest is enough for him to decide to fake their deaths and journey the world with him and having that dream of the past life. Maybe I just want Xu Lingyun to be rewarded with the happiness with Li Xiao after their tragic ending as Li Qingcheng and Zhang Mu…. I hope I am not bothering you with dumping all of my thoughts about them

You're not bothering me at all anon, the more people who cry about ZM and LQC the better orz I wish I had more time so I could read this book again

(seriously every time I pick it up thinking "oh i'll just read a few passages" there goes a week)

I think part of the reason Li Xiao ran away was because 1) that was never his throne to begin with 2) he felt he owed Xu Lingyun. Even during the extra, when he drank the powder, the thoughts preceding that was that he owed Xu Lingyun something. And knowing full well that there is always a next lifetime, he figured why not, he can pay Xu Lingyun back with this one.

But honestly, I was satisfied with their BE. These were characters that committed a lot of atrocities, and the train-wreck at the end of main story seemed fitting somehow. (But Fang Qingyu, wtf, that's not how you love people.)

I'm referring to the swapping of the babies, of course. wtf. granted, if he wasn't this obsessed we wouldn't have much of a story. But wtf.

[foxyyaoguai]

Heart Deviation - Chapter 6/6 (complete)

I finished my fic "Heart Deviation". :D

Summary: 

Wei Wuxian fell head over heels in love with Lan Wangji right after arriving at the Cloud Recesses, so when Lan Xichen tells him that Lan Wangji’s life hangs in the balance and he’s the only one who can save him, he doesn’t hesitate to offer his help. Saving him requires dual cultivation, however, and he has never even kissed anyone… And Lan Wangji firmly refuses him too.

Thankfully, Lan Xichen agrees to teach him the ways of dual cultivation and promises that they can save his brother, together.

Words: 24k, 6/6 Chapters, complete

Relationships: WangXian, XiXian, future WangXiXian (WangXiXian is heavily mentioned in the last chapter, but the relationship doesn't take off in this fic)

Tags: Angst, Dual Cultivation, Fuck Or Die, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Getting Together, First Time, Love Confessions, Sexual exploration, Happy Ending, Kink Discovery, Wet & Messy, Orgasm Delay, Pining while fucking, Polyamory mentions

❤️ This fic starts out a bit angsty, but contains lots of comfort, cuddling, and smut. They all have a happy ending and Wei Wuxian ends up with two very lovely Twin Jades by his side. ❤️ Special thanks to the readers who have stayed with this fic through every update and encouraged me with their comments, I love you all <3

[tsukinohana]

i am learning. about the scary world of MM adult romance novels

[sunderwight]

Shen Yuan with a Luo Binghe dakimakura is great but sometimes I stop and think about how a role reversal would have looked (i.e. Binghe as the reader who transmigrates in, Shen Yuan as the fictional character he was obsessing over) and oh my god. Fan Binghe who grew up with chronically online geek culture would have been next level in the absence of an actual, physical Shen Yuan/SQQ. Fan Binghe would have owned everything. He probably would have had to commission it all himself, either because the novel wasn't popular enough for the level of desired merch or because the mainstream commercially produced products were too cheap or flimsy or inaccurate for his specifications or probably both. Perfect hand fan recreations. Replica Xiu Ya (it's an actual sword) hanging on his wall. Fanart both done in a classical style (as in, 'what Shen Qingqiu might actually have hanging on his walls') as well as a variety of character portraits and erotic art zines. Printed and hand-bound copies of his favorite fanfics. Somewhere in China there's an amateur bookbinder who is making BANK off of this obsession, producing the most high level gorgeously bound copies of the filthiest smut and fluffiest hurt-comfort teacher/student fics.

Luo Binghe would be controversial in fandom because he is just as nitpicky and wank-y as Shen Yuan, with an extra dose of turning up in the comments sometimes to act like a jealous/possessive boyfriend accusing writers of being a little TOO lustful towards his unlikely waifu, but on the other hand he is rich and he will pay through goddamn nose for anything and everything that caters to his preferences. So a solid chunk of the fan creators just do things they think he'd like because they want in on the cash cow, while much of the rest of the fandom hates his guts because they feel like he hijacked everything with his own fanon and headcanons and obsessions. Shen Yuan isn't even that popular! Most of the rest of the fandom is kind of down on him as a cliche clueless danmei protagonist, they're all there for the score of blueballed love interests. Beautiful Liu Qingge and darkhorse Shang Qinghua and mysterious, tortured Yue Qingyuan and whatever the hell is going on with his evil doppelganger, Shen Jiu. Luo Binghe doesn't ever commission Shen Yuan with any of them, though! He's always solo, or maybe with a faceless tentacle monster or something!

It gets weird. There are probably Woman Buying Wonder Bread-esque memes about Binghe's highly specific kink commissions. On the other hand, Luo Binghe comes down harder than the actual artists on unsanctioned reposts because he commissioned Shen Yuan in that sexy lingerie fondling a really huge sword and it's not just for anyone to go around putting that up on whatever website they please!

He would own several dakimakura and they would arguably be more normal than a lot of the rest of his collection, is what I'm saying. He'd have them in different poses and seasonal outfits and versions that were acceptable for company and ones that had to get tucked into a drawer under the bed every morning because they were for Binghe's eyes only. And it wouldn't even just be the sexy ones, but also the ones where Shizun looks soft and fond and gentle and affectionate. The man was definitely working his way up to commissioning a lifelike Shen Yuan sex doll when the universe did absolutely everyone a favor and yeeted him into a transmigration scenario.

[danmeiblr]

Just finished Dangerous Husband. The author’s notes and metas kept taking me out, it’s like I was reading a draft that shouldn’t have been published yet. The prose was engaging enough for me to stick around, but how I wished they stopped talking about their writing process in between chapters coz they ended up giving away the plot...

But then again, I’m reading on an aggregator site so maybe the original is much cleaner. God, I really have to get my Haitang credentials fixed already. I can’t read the original coz I can’t fucking log in 😭

[dragonsandphoenix]

This is so hilarious.

For the SVSSS one I can make a somewhat educated guess about what the original Chinese wording was (amazing what reading a few sex scenes does, I'm reading porn to study mom, I SWEAR!), and sometimes I wonder why translators don't localize the wording according to what makes the most sense in English. Like accuracy is pointless when you're taken out of the story.

That being said, I have a high tolerance for weird smut writing, and I can't wait for the WCJ facial.

top 'this is NOT how sexual intercourse works' moments in danmei

Bwahahahahahhahaha!

I am going to leave out the very common "and his dick is a foot long and he can go all night" trope (it's common in both danmei and het, and western romances as well, at this point it would be shorter to list works with explicit sex scenes that don't have that!)

I am also going to leave out the "this position can only be achieved by a trained acrobat" bits because hey, cultivators are hella flexible.

And I am also gonna pass by any bits where participant is not human - for example, at one point in The Reader and Protagonst Definitely Have to Be in True Love, Xie turns into a humanoid dragon (don't ask) and possesses two dicks. I've never met a dragon, humanoid or not, so who am I to say they don't have two dicks?

The crazy thing, there are still plenty of OMG moments. Some of my "faves:"

1. Wei Wuxian's self lubricating behind in MZDS. I am sorry, this is not how human body works! Don't be cheap and buy some lube. The people in The Wife Is First will happily sell you some from their shop at discount. It's not the only novel that does this (hi, Yu She!) but MDZS was my very first danmei and I remember going ????!!!!! After reading many danmei, I get pathetically excited when someone mentions any form of lubrication, heh.

PS The only time I didn't go !!!! at one of these things was in Yuwu, where Meatbun at least bothered to tell us Gu Mang's body has been altered and made demonic and demons do produce lubrication there. I mean, I still would be happier without but at least it doesn't break my logical brain.

Honestly, I adore MZDS but sometimes I wonder if MXTX has full understanding of how human body works. (He put a sword hilt WHERE?!)

2. Luo Binghe's "meat pillar" (no, that's the term used in the translation) with "green veins." PLS SEE A DOCTOR!!!! (Though the sex scenes in SVSSS are at least biologically possible so other than that, the novel gets a pass!)

3. Du Ze remembers kissing undead Xie to help him survive in The Reader and Protagonist Definitely Have to Be In True Love. Fine. But at that point Xie is a skeleton literally. Also fine. But he remembers entangling their tongues. WHAT TONGUE DOES A SKELETON HAVE?! I am not sure I want to know!

4. This is physically possible but it drives me nuts so I am going to mention it. In Wu Chang Jie, in possibly the most gonzo sex scene, Zixiao forces Ziheng in an underground cave. OK. And at the very end, Zixiao, a big fan of facials, unloads at Ziheng's chest, face and hair. Yes - THE LOOSE LONGASS HAIR THEY ALL GOT DOWN TO THEIR BUTTS. They are in a cave. There may be an underground water source but still cave with no towels or soap or anything. HOW THE HELL DO THEY CLEAN UP?! All we get is Ziheng waking up all cleaned up and I am trying to imagine - did Zixiao drag his unconscious self into some underground pool and scrub the stuff out of his hair? How and with what? Did he perform a magic spell?! I can't help, I am detail oriented.

5. Once again, if you have tentacles, I suppose they can work that way, how would I know, I have never hung out with an octopus, but every time the ML of The Villain Is Outrageously Beautiful...ahem...spreads his tentacles, I crack up.