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orbital-inclination · 2 years ago

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“WHAT I NEVER TOLD YOU”

Part 1, part 2 (you are here).

Summary: Dream wakes up in a strange place. His host seems kind enough, but there's something about her home that feels… off. He will need to leave if he wants to reunite with his brother. Later, Dream and Nightmare have a conversation to finish. Notes: Moltendreams!AU. Set some time after the brothers left Dreamtale during a time when they were still unfamiliar with the multiverse. General warnings for: dreamtale typical angst/drama, mild non-graphic injury, more references to past emotional manipulation and bullying, and parental neglect Wordcount: 6178

Something was wrong.

Dream stirred. He felt sluggish and weighed down. Pulled closer to the earth by the gentle press of the something that was draped over him. There was a soft surface underneath his cheek, it didn’t itch like grass, and it didn’t crackle like dry leaves when he moved. It took an embarrassing amount of time for his mind to make sense of that, trying and failing to justify why the ground he lay on didn’t feel right. He lifted his skull slowly, rubbing his cheek against the soft surface until the texture slotted a memory into place. This felt like... a stuffed quilt? He pulled an arm free from where it had been tucked close to his body and felt along the surface he lay on. The tip of a claw caught on something. Yep. Definitely a quilt. He could feel the cotton sandwiched between layers of fabric and the stitch between squares. That didn’t immediately alarm him, because his first assumption was that Night’ must’ve found a way to cross the river and found a place for them to stay.

But... that explanation didn’t feel right. He couldn’t sense his brother nearby. The atmosphere was too... stifled. Syrupy, and thick. He almost felt loopy from it. Something wasn’t right.

Tentatively prodding around the quilt, and the surface he lay on, he discovered something else weird.

He was laying underneath... a table?

Reluctantly, Dream pushed himself upright— only to swallow back a strangled hiss as a pulse of pain and stiffness shot down his spine. Usually, the film that coated his bones took care of most things that caused him pain fairly quickly. He remembered slamming into the boulder, but he would have expected the injury to be gone by now. But, obviously, it wasn’t. Not good.

After waiting a moment, he tentatively propped himself upright again. This time, he moved slowly.

He had just enough room to rest on his elbows, slightly hunched over to avoid smacking the back of his skull on the surface above him. He mapped the space through touch and concluded that no. It was not a table. He was underneath someone’s bed. And it was a fairly large bed at that.

He was boxed in. The bed was shoved into the corner, which cut off two potential exits. One end was blocked off by what he thought might be a chest. And whoever had set him up underneath the bed, had sealed the last opening with- oh. Oh, that was a teddy bear. They had sealed the last opening with plushies and cardboard boxes. Dream pulled the bear closer and gave it a squeeze, thinking. If the person who’d brought him here wanted to keep him trapped, they weren’t trying too hard. But... why put him under the bed? He didn’t feel like much of a guest, hidden away like this.

The hinges of a door creaked. Dream stilled. He hunched down, the tendrils on his back arching defensively. A hollow, tapping sound. A box was shifted, dragged across the floor slowly, and- “Oh! You’re awake!”

The voice belonged to someone who sounded roughly his age, maybe a little bit younger. Dream’s first impression of her was that she felt very bright. Or rather very warm, and it was a testament to how saturated this place was that he could only sense her clearly when she was this close.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Uh, I’m Noelle. I’m sure this must be confusing for you but you’re in my room right now. I found you by the river bank. You were unconsciously so…”

She did something, moved a certain way, but he couldn’t tell what she was doing.

He hesitated for too long. Disappointed chipped at her warmth, cooling it. But the difference was slight. “I… um-“

“Why am I under your bed?”

Embarrassment. “Oh! W-well… my mom doesn’t like to have guests over unexpectedly but it seemed like you really needed help. I couldn’t leave you on the river bank like that! That area floods a lot.”

Dream canted his skull to the side. “So you’re hiding me from your mother?”

The embarrassment worsened. Made bitter-sour by shame and nervousness. “I know it sounds really, really silly but… if you knew my mother, it would make sense.”

Well, it didn’t make sense to Dream now. Weren’t mothers supposed to be loving or something? The closest thing he had to a mother was Nim, but he hadn’t had a relationship with her. Not really. She had been a presence. A thing that was just sort of there, but didn’t do much. She said things, sometimes. But it was like an echo of a memory with no mind behind it.

“Are you a human or a monster?” He asked because sometimes that made a difference in these things. Surprise, confusion, and the sharp tang of incredulity. “Um. I’m obviously not a human? I’m a reindeer monster??” He gave her a moment. “Oh,” she said. “Oh. I... I didn’t realize. You can’t see me, can you?” Dream shook his head. “Where is my brother?” “Your... brother?” He tensed, and a pang of uneasiness shot through his chest and squeezed. “We were separated crossing the river. He was supposed to find me. How long have I been unconscious?”

“I... I don’t know. You were alone and unconscious when I found you. That was hours ago.“ Dream didn’t like that. Had something happened to Nightmare? The tendrils on his back lashed. “I need to get back to the river. He could be there right now.” “No! You can’t!”

He flinched away from her, soul beating fast.

Noelle swallowed. “I… I mean. It’s dark out now. Mom doesn’t allow me to leave the house after dark.”

Right. Because that was a thing mothers did. Nim had also given him and Nightmare rules to follow. Just two. And they had disobeyed both. “That’s okay. You don’t have to come with me. Just let me out and I’ll find my way.”

Noelle was quiet for a long moment. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” He shifted, trying to show her that she had his full attention. And she did, but he was getting anxious now. He needed to reunite with his brother. He needed to apologize and know that he was okay and that nothing bad had happened to him. Something about this place didn’t feel right. Something was just off enough that he didn’t feel comfortable staying here longer than he had to be.

She didn’t reply. At that moment, a new sound interrupted the silence. A sharp rhythmic clicking. It grew steadily louder. Footsteps.

Noelle squeaked. “That’s my mother. I have to go. Don’t make any noise, okay?” The box was pushed back into place and the bed creaked above him.

Dream lowered himself flat to the ground. He held his tentacles still, coiled close to his body. Was this normal? When Nim had been alive, had everyone been this nervous around her?

Seconds later, the footsteps stopped short. A creak, quiet at first. A whine. The hinges of the door protesting. And then, silence. Absolute silence.

Above him, Noelle’s nerves jumped and startled like rabbits. She seemed to be holding herself still as carefully as he was. Breath held. Waiting.

As the silence stretched, a chill crept down his spine.

He shivered. Trying to make sense of the new taste to the magic pouring into the room. The stifling syrup-like nature of it hadn’t changed. If positivity was sweet like honey, then it was as though someone had dumped a box of salt into the jar. Something spoiled here. Something had been left to sit for too long.

All the warmth had gone. The weight of it settled in slowly. It was blunt. And cold, not unlike fear. But many emotions could be cold, could turn cold, if given the right incentive. If Nightmare were here, he could tell Dream what it was. And how fear could feel so... hollowed out.

...oh.

Apathy, Dream realized as another shiver worked its way through his bones. This was apathy. Not the absence of emotion, but the rejection of it. He pulled his limbs closer to his body. As though to hide the warmth there, like cupping his hands around the wick of a candle to shelter it from a draft.

Nightmare hid his feelings behind apathy sometimes. And it was frightening, to witness his twin severe himself from his own feelings. It made something in his chest squeeze painfully. But the cold he felt from his brother was familiar and comforting in a way. This was not.

This magic… the person it belonged to… he could not imagine magic so oppressive would belong to a monster who felt freely able to express themselves. The weight of this magic did not belong to a tolerant person. It belonged to someone who felt they needed to be in control of everything, or the twisted thing deep within their heart would snap.

Without warning the door creaked again and shut with a final click.

Noelle waited a while to speak, listening for the sound of her mother’s footsteps to fade. When she did, she whispered. “That was a close one. We have to be careful to be quiet from now on.”

“Is she always like that?”

“… my mother doesn’t like to be disturbed,” Noelle answered. “I like to collect scary things. VHS tapes, books, cassettes. Everything. But if I’m too loud, if I’m too excited or too scared she’ll force me to turn it off or take it away from me... and I just… I just wanted this one thing for myself, y’know?”

Dream felt something in his ribcage hitch.

She slid off the bed, onto the floor, and moved next to him.

“Does she know you’re unhappy here?” Noelle froze. Stuttered a noise of denial as something within her heart squirmed. Dream had his answer. “You don’t want her to know.” “Hahaha... I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I be unhappy? I mean... I have to hide things sometimes but... I live in a nice place. I... I like my town! I have my own room, my mom, my dad... why would I be unhappy?” “I don’t know,” Dream whispered. “I gave my village everything they ever wanted. Did everything they asked of me... but in the end, I don’t think anyone was truly happy.” Least of all himself, but to give that thought a voice felt selfish. What right did he have to complain, when his brother had gone through so much worse?

The shame and guilt were unbearable, suddenly. A sickly cold sank into the pit of his soul. He swallowed thickly, mana clotted in his throat, because how had he not seen the full extent his brother had been suffering? How had he not known? How had he not seen it?

He thought back to every bad day he could remember. Every question he asked that was brushed off. His brother’s stubborn silence. How tightly Nightmare would square his shoulders and turn away. And all those times Dream knew his brother was upset but felt he shouldn’t pry or chose not to. Prying would aggravate his brother and it was his purpose to spread positivity, wasn’t it? What good would it do to make Nightmare even more upset?

He wished… he wished he had tried anyway. Instead of waiting and fruitlessly holding on to the belief that Nightmare would eventually tell him on his own. When he was ready. If Dream was patient enough and did as he was told.

How naive he’d been. If hiding pain under a facade of irritability was a skill then Nightmare had surely mastered it. Dream learned not to talk about certain things and especially not to express those feelings that were cold or black and didn’t belong on his side of the tree.

He learned that quickly because it seemed to him whenever he expressed frustration or sadness or gave even the slightest hint that he was feeling anxious or stressed, someone would turn around and find a reason to blame the black apples for it. “Taint,” they’d warn, “you must stay pure of heart. It is in your brother’s nature to be cold, just as it’s yours to be kind and warm. You mustn’t allow him to influence you.”

“I think...” Dream began slowly, forcing his claws to unclench, buried so deeply into the quilt he lay on, he felt the wood underneath splitter. He forced himself to relax. Noelle needed his help right now. “I think you and your mother are not communicating something important. You are both scared. And because of that fear, you hide things from each other.” “It’s not that! She just overreacts, sometimes... when she thinks I’ve been hurt.” Her heart and mood quivered. She was sad and lonely and trying so hard to hide it. “She just wants to protect me.”

“But it hurts, doesn’t it? Her protectiveness is smothering. It threatens the things you care about.” Noelle swallowed. He heard it, underneath something that sounded like a strained laugh. “T-that’s silly! She’s my mother, I can trust her with anything.”

“Anything but the monster you’re keeping under your bed.” “I...” a flicker, and the strange denseness to the magic surrounding them rippled. Shame was the stone thrown into the murky pool. “If you truly felt that way, you wouldn’t have kept me here. You would have asked her for help but you didn’t,” Dream pressed, voice gentle but firm. “In your loneliness, you wanted to carve out a piece of happiness for yourself. But Noelle… you can’t keep me. I don’t belong here. I can’t make you happy.”

Noelle made a soft sound. Her voice cracked. “I wanted to make a decision on my own for once! I know she means well, and I... I’m too nervous to confront her. I feel powerless. But then I saw you on the river bank, it was different. I felt inspired? It was weird I...”

A pause and a strange dizziness overcame her. He shifted in concern, debating whether or not he needed to move closer in case she toppled over.

“I felt special. I knew I wanted to be your friend. No... I knew I had to be because… I couldn’t shake the feeling that I already knew who you were.”

“Friends don’t force each other to stay where they don’t want to be.”

The slight bite to his tone snapped Noelle out of her daze. He felt the snap, the sharp lick of regret, and could not tell who it belonged to. “I… I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It… it felt right at the time,” Noelle struggled for a moment. “I can’t… remember? There was something else but I don’t…”

Uneasiness swept through him. The tendrils he'd looped close to the quilt reared up warily, twisting over themselves in heed of his discomfort but unable to find the source.

“… what do you mean ‘it felt right’ ?”

“I can’t explain it. It just did, y’know? It was like one of those moments in a book when the world seems to pivot and the heroine realizes what she was meant to do.”

A shiver crawled down his spine. “Did you feel compelled to help me?”

“T-that’s a strange question. It’s what anyone would have done, isn’t it?”

He had nothing to say to that. Maybe. One would hope. But the situation still felt odd. She wanted to help him but didn’t want him to leave until he confronted her about it. It left a strange taste in his mouth.

“Will you let me up now?” He asked instead.

“Yes!” Noelle scrambled back and shoved boxes and plushies aside. One rolled over a tentacle so Dream grabbed it and set it next to the teddy bear he’d held earlier. There was a thump, as something that sounded like a book fell, and suddenly, it was just a little bit less stuffy underneath the bed. Dream felt along the edge of the bed frame above him and carefully crawled out. A sharp pain shot his spine as he stood, but he swallowed the hiss of pain in his throat and it faded, after a moment.

The floorboards creaked underfoot. Noelle shifted her weight, a dim but growing cold spot of nervousness. “What happened? Between you and your village, I mean.” His soul skipped a beat. “I don’t know,” He didn’t want to talk about it, and he especially didn't want to talk about himself. “We left.” “Oh.” A pause and she said quietly. “Dess talked about moving to the city. She wanted to take me with her to explore the city together. Leaving without her doesn’t feel right, I don’t think I’m ready yet but, maybe someday.” And Dream thought about the tree and his brother. He vividly remembered climbing the hill, running, and the dry grass lashing at his hands and clothes. The voices shouting to be heard over the rumble of approaching thunder. His brother, cornered against the trunk—

“You... you’re not going to encourage me to talk to her?”

“You know your mother better than I,” he said, and distantly wished he could blink away the memory. Over and over again, it looped. “I never went to my brother with my problems because I didn’t want him to think less of me... I regret that now.” Nightmare thought poorly of him anyway. So it hadn’t mattered. “But I was never afraid of my brother. Not in the same way you seem to be of her.”

“I’m not... afraid of my mother,” Noelle said somewhat hesitantly. “It’s just hard to talk to her. She doesn’t like to be interrupted and... the town is more important.” “Is it?” Bitterness dripped from his teeth. Hot in his mouth. Sometimes, it was easy to doubt himself. When he stole anger like a thief, he could only assume the villager elders had been right. He should have been more careful around the tree. But the branches sprouted from the same trunk. Black or gold, the apples came from the place, so there must have been something rotten in his soul from the start.

Noelle startled. A skipped beat. And Dream took a breath. “You are part of the town too, aren’t you? Why are you excluded from the same care?”

“I…” she swallowed, overwhelmed by too many emotions to name at once. Most of them leaned close to sadness. “I never thought of it that way… you-you’re right. I’m part of this town too and… I don’t know if she’ll hear me out, but I’ll try. At the very least I have to look after myself better.”

Dream nodded, and the bitter, writhing thing in his chest settled. He wished he had looked after his twin better. “Don’t smother your loneliness.”

“I won’t,” And then added somewhat hesitantly. “Do you still want to leave?”

She felt sad. Sadness was heavy and sank deep throughout one’s heart. It had the flavor of ice, without the bite of cold and he felt it as deeply as if it were his own. But, it didn’t make sense for the feeling to be this strong. Why did she want to be his friend so badly?

… he didn’t want to stay for much longer.

“I can’t stay. I have to find my brother. I’m sure he’s worried, and I’m worried about him too.”

To his relief, she understood. “We’ll have to be quiet. I’m… actually surprised mom wasn’t woken up by all that.”

Noelle meekly suggested he take her hand so he wouldn't get lost. The cabin was huge, apparently. Dream offered a compromise and held on to the corner of her sleeve instead.

She led him to the door and into the hall beyond it. They walked, stopped to listen, took a turn, and then another. Dream kept one tendril on the wall to keep himself oriented, making note of the changing texture and the stray accent table that came out of nowhere. Someone ought to put bells on those things.

Eventually, the wall ended. The sound of their footsteps changed and every breath and rustle of fabric echoed cavernously.

He only knew when Noelle took him behind a sofa because he bumped his knee into it. She directed him to a wall (it was made of skinned logs fitted together like the pieces of a puzzle with something that felt like coarse hardened clay holding it all together. Dream withdrew his hand quickly when he felt a cobweb. Spiders worked so hard on their nests.) and then to a windowsill. “All the doors and windows squeak but this one— it's a bay window. It swings open on your right— it’s the quietest. The sill is meant for sitting... um, do you need help climbing up?” He shook his head and easily pulled himself up onto the windowsill. He’d climbed trees all his life. This was nothing.

“Okay. On the count to three. One. Two. Three.” The window whined, loudly. Dream flinched and next to him, he felt Noelle jump. Her soul lurching in a half second of fright. They waited a long moment, breath held, but aside from the muffled sound of a nearby tree scratching the roof, the cabin was still.

“You better go now. Mom could’ve heard that,” Noelle said, the focus of her attention elsewhere. Dream tried to follow it, but he couldn’t figure out what she was focusing on. “I never asked for your name, did I..? That… that doesn't make sense. I really did just.. bring a stranger into my house like that.”

Dream nodded. “You could have picked a worse person to sneak into your house. My name is Dream, by the way. Thank you for your hospitality.”

“Y-you're welcome?” Sometimes, it was possible to hear someone growing pale. By the sound of her voice, he imagined her face had lost all its color. “I’m sorry for involving you in this and basically kidnapping you? Oh-my-stars. I kidnapped you!”

“Hardly. I was unconscious and too close to the river bank. But you did try to keep me here,” he added, but she was already very stressed and it was making him stressed, so he hastily continued. “It’s okay. I forgive you. I don’t think you were in your right mind anyway. Will you be okay with your mother?”

“Y-yes. I think so. I mean, it's just…” she sighed. “It’s complicated. But dad is here too, so. I’ll ask him for help if I think I need it.”

Her voice was warm again, and it was slight, but for a moment, he almost couldn’t taste the sickly quality to the magic surrounding the cabin. “Thank you. I feel better now. I hope you can find your brother.”

He nodded, and murmured a thank you and goodbye because leaving someone’s home was always somewhat awkward. He turned, swung his legs over the ledge, and dropped down.

Leaves and grit crunched under his feet. He waited a moment. Just to be sure. He canted his skull toward the window, listening, then he picked a direction that felt right, and started walking.

Gradually, the ground began to dip into a shallow slope, and though he could not hear the river yet, Dream knew he was close. The ground was damp, soaked through either from rain or because of its proximity to the river. He stepped through the underbrush carefully, mindful of the way his boots sank into cold mud.

The forest floor was a knotted mass of roots, rotting leaf litter, and moss. Twice, Dream almost tripped. So he spread his tentacles wide, two held wide and arching, level with his skull so he wouldn't walk headlong into a low-hanging branch. And two low to the ground, so he wouldn’t trip again.

A quiet crunch echoed from somewhere in the undergrowth. Dream paused, angled his skull towards the sound, and held his breath because the atmosphere felt cooler and less stifled in this direction.

“...Nightmare?”

“Dream!” The shout back was immediate. His ribcage hitched. He took three quick steps forward and broke into a run. He heard the snap of a twig underfoot and the branches of a bush part. Pure relief washed over him. Cool and warm at once. The weight of his brother’s magic was unmistakable.

The rough bark of a tree snagged his tunic and he stumbled.

Two hands caught his shoulders. Dream redirected his balance and quickly latched onto his brother’s sleeve. Nightmare was not hurt, he could immediately tell. Worried and stressed, yes, but not hurt. Thank the heavens.

“Are you alright? What happened?” A sharp lick of concern. “You’re in pain.” Nightmare’s grip tightened for a moment. Dream felt one check, then two, as his brother looked him over.

He shot one back, just to make a point. He was too relieved to be truly bothered by the fussing.

“That’s from the river. It’s better than it was. I’m fine.” and honesty? So much had happened in the last however-many-hours-it’d-been he hadn’t noticed the ache until Nightmare had pointed it out. “The family that found me was kind. They didn’t hurt me.” Nightmare released him and stepped back. “Stars... I should never have led you across. We should have waited for the river to level. Or for the rapids to settle or-”

Dream shook his head. “We had to cross somewhere. I could’ve just as easily warned you it was a bad idea. But I was…” too upset. Too consumed by hurt and frustration to really consider what it meant when the sound of the river had grown so violent. If he had just stopped to think. If he hadn’t lashed out...

The tight feeling returned to his chest.

“I’m sorry.” he choked. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I didn’t mean it. I was angry.“

“No, I…” Nightmare took a breath. “I should be the one apologizing. It was reckless to cross the river right there. I snapped at you. I hurt you. I knew better, but I didn’t care. I’m sorry.”

Nightmare didn’t... apologize often. He meant it sincerely when he did, but it was just the sort of thing his brother struggled with. Dream forced his jaw to unlock, he wasn’t angry. He was as tense as a spring, but he wasn’t angry. Not with his brother. He didn’t need to feel Nightmare’s remorse to know how much he meant it.

“But you were right… I wasn’t… I wasn’t there when you needed me. I prioritized the needs of the village over you. I saw how sad and lonely you were and still I... the why of it doesn’t matter now.”

“How could you not?” His magic was cool, a shallow pool of shade. His actions seemed logical to his brother. And that made it worse. Dream ducked his skull, feeling wretched. “They gave us clothes and attention. A purpose when Nim felt more like a ghost than the Goddess they later insisted she was. How were we supposed to interpret her will when her voice had been gutted and theirs spoke louder?”

He nodded, once and didn’t raise his head. ‘-it is in your brother’s nature to be cold.’ and Nim’s voice had always felt like the echo of a memory to him, not really there at all. He wondered, idly if they had ever really heard her.

“We never heard contradictory ideas, did we? You were the only one who questioned anything.”

“I only questioned them because of the way they treated me.” Nightmare said bitterly. “We have books to thank for that. I knew what I was experiencing was unjust, but I couldn’t articulate why until I began reading. That village was full of hypocrites.”

Dream nodded again, heart pinched tight by a dark emotion he couldn’t name but was altogether painful. “They were scared of you.”

His brother was quiet for a moment, not quite seething but close. “They resented me more than they feared me. I think I would have preferred fear. If they had been scared enough, they would have left me alone.” “Don’t say that,” Dream whispered. “Fear would have led to resentment anyway. They would’ve done worse.” “Worse,” Nightmare echoed, frigid and biting. “Do you know why I reached for the apple, Dream?” ‘Don’t...’ Dream wanted to say. ‘I already know why, please don’t say it.’ Words were stones and bile behind his teeth, he swallowed them down.

“I was convinced I was going to die.” the simmering anger that had gradually been building behind his brother’s heart suddenly evaporated, released in a deep breath. “If... if you hadn’t arrived when you did...” His voice tapered off. Neither of them wanted to hear the end of that sentence.

Guilt soured the silence. The pit of it gutted his brother. Dream looked up. The dark cold made his brother seem frail. It reminded him of the worst days. And the bitter rage he had felt when his brother had dismissed him now seemed like a pathetic response.

“I’m sorry. What I said to you was cruel.” “It was,” Nightmare said, voice quiet. Dream flinched despite knowing the truth of it. He had hurt his brother. And he had said what he did knowing that it would. “You were right. I did reach for the apple first. I didn’t have a choice, in the moment, I truly believe that. But I... I regret what happened afterward. Dream, it’s because of me that you…”

His brother didn’t finish.

“That I… what?” He hasn’t meant it… as a warning. His voice sounded hollow even to his own mind. He wasn’t even sure what he was warning his brother not to say. But something was balanced, precariously on a knife’s edge. And it was tittering.

Dream felt his brother’s rapid pulse of guilt-anxiety thrum and Nightmare said, softly and carefully. Words chosen at length. “You were despondent for three days. I don’t think you realized we had left the village by then. You wouldn’t sit unless I told you to. You barely moved. And for a time, I worried that the dust might have stuck to your clothes or that somehow I’d missed it on mine and that was why—“

Oh. For a moment he thought Nightmare was going to bring up something else. (It wouldn’t surprise if his brother had wisely decided to change what he wanted to say at the last second.) He didn’t remember that. Something in his own chest sped up. Pounding hard. “Why would there be dust on our clothes?”

Nightmare went very still. “... why would there be— you don’t...”

Was he talking about the axe? “It only struck me once,” Dream said, and hoped that might be reassuring to remember.

He didn’t understand the emotion he felt in his brother’s stare. “Right…the woodsman’s axe,” Nightmare said, slowly, muttering to himself afterward in words Dream couldn’t catch.

The sound of a woodsman chopping wood on the edge of town had been the other reason why they’d left it so quickly. It did something to his soul that Dream didn’t have a word for. The sound made his chest hurt even though it’d been a long time since that wound had healed. It put Nightmare on edge too. Maybe thats why they’d been so short with each other.

Nightmare shook himself. “The river didn’t reopen something, did it?”

Dream snorted. His brother was such a mother hen sometimes. “It’s been years, Night’, I think we’re long past the risk of that.”

His brother clicked his teeth. “Do not overestimate the strength of newly healed bones.”

“The wound is hardly new now,” and then Dream frowned, and said quietly. “I don’t blame you, Night’. It wasn’t your fault. I said that because I was upset... but didn’t mean it.” But he could tell his brother didn’t believe him. Nightmare said nothing for a beat, and Dream tried and failed to think of something to say to prove to his brother that he meant it.

“It's not like you to lose your temper. Before we crossed the river, you were trying to tell me something but I interrupted you. What were you going to say?”

Oh. Maybe the conversation should have ended there. Dream shifted, uncomfortable. “It’s nothing.” “No,” Nightmare said, voice firm. And Dream could vividly imagine the frown on his face. “It’s not nothing. You are a difficult person to anger to that extent, Dream. I know I... said somethings that I shouldn’t have, just before... what were you going to say?” A part of him bristled. It was a small part, and he did his best to bury it. He knew though, as he felt Nightmare’s scrutiny intensify, that the attempt was pointless. He supposed it was a bit like trying to hide lightning. “... Earlier you told me I left you alone with the people who hated you. And you were right. I knew they distrusted you, I didn’t understand how deep it ran but even if I had, I... don't think any other outcome was possible for us.” He crossed his arms over his chest to hide the slight tremble in his hands and vainly hoped his brother didn’t notice that either. “I only did what I was told to, ‘Night. I thought I could make everyone happy. I thought I was being selfless by putting their needs—the needs of everyone above ours. But in the end, it never felt like a choice. I... I think I only succeeded in spreading selfishness.”

“I should have known,” Nightmare’s voice was hoarse and brittle. “I should have known... they used you too.”

The crunch of leaves. A step taken closer while Dream struggled to wrangle the writhing thing in his heart. His ribcage hitched. Used? He would’ve never called it that. He didn’t want to call it that. He couldn’t think of it that way because then he would have to acknowledge that the people he’d loved had not only lied but used him too and— he found himself wrapped up in a tight hug.

“I'm sorry. We didn’t look after each other very well, did we?”

It felt like there was a dam behind his sockets. Burning, burning. But the tears wouldn’t come. He hiccuped and buried his face in the collar of his brother’s shirt. The arms wrapped around him squeezed. There was no judgment, no mocking sneers or scoffs. No teasing. Just marrow-deep sympathy and a shared raw pain he didn’t think would ever truly go away.

“It’s okay, Dream. We’re going to be okay,” Nightmare whispered and Dream wanted to cry all over again but couldn’t. It didn’t feel okay. When has anything his brother gone through been okay? It seemed like nothing had been okay for a long time. He didn’t like feeling like this. But he allowed himself to be held and rocked until the thoughts of a place he could never return to slowly faded, and the shaking subsided.

When Dream felt... not quite calm, but tired and spent, he stepped back. Nightmare let his arms fall. “I think I can take us out of here now. Something changed just before I found you. I felt a shift... Did something happen with the family that found you?” Instead of answering, Dream nodded in, at least he hoped, the direction he came from. He was too tired to explain the strange magic he’d felt in Noelle’s house.

His brother was thoughtful for a pressing second, then said, gently. “Whatever you did, it helped. Let’s leave it at that and get out of here before anything else happens.” Dream agreed wholeheartedly. He hoped whenever they went next didn’t have a woodsman. “Do you think there is a world out there without a forest?”

The question startled a chuckle from his brother. “You want to go somewhere without trees?” He felt a palm press to his forehead. “Are you ill, brother? Do you have a fever, perhaps?”

Dream swatted his hand away. He was too tired to fight the small smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Where there are no trees, there is no axe.” “I’ve read of places where there is sand instead of dirt, for as far as the eye can see, and grass refuses to grow there.” Now, he could believe that first part. After all, some river banks and dry creek beds were like that, but where grass will not grow? There was no way. “You’re lying. You’re making that up!”

Nightmare laughed and easily dodged his second attempt at smacking him. Cheater. “I don’t know when we’ll find such a place, but I promise one day I’ll take you there.”

“You read too much,” Dream commented, dryly. And if Nightmare wasn’t smiling, he was wearing an expression close to it. He reached for his brother’s hand, without hesitation this time. Nightmare took it, and in a blink, they left the forest and the AU behind.

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batri-jopa · 7 months ago

Text

And Then We Danced / და ჩვენ ვიცეკვეთ (2019), dir. Levan Akin

#ATWD amateur guidebook

Soundtrack & Lyrics - Part 5 [go to: Prologue, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4]

[Note: Most of this film music corresponds with what's happening on the screen. The less characters are speaking - the more traditional folk tunes take their turn in commenting the events. Old songs are fitting so good that the story becomes universal "tale as old as time". Lyrics translation usually comes from Google Translator and is absolutely awful but I don't speak Georgian so what else could I do]

21. ბინდისფერია სოფელი (Bindis Feria Sofeli)

The village is gradually getting darker What is our life will fly away like a bird Someday the grass will grow on our village

Even those who thought it was hard to walk were briefly looked after. The rust of the gun will eat the rust of the earth, the heart of the man will be sad. Death will come invisible, he will throw away his weapon in a second. What we will take to the world, no one else has taken what.

[The part above is what you can hear in the movie. Below is the part that is not in the movie but I suppose is well known to Georgian audience]

I will recite the poem to you and it will be good for me to die And you will remain here as a memory of me They used to tell me that they were just like me Let the country rejoice and I die in the grave Those who are right like me will listen to the voice of panduri Don't fall apart, don't get married

[Note: 1. Lyrics I found at genius.com 2. It's worth to realize that this is one of the moments in the movie with very distinctive contrast of mood between music and the movie scene: we can see a theoretically joyfull wedding scene and Merabi's face changing from numb to overhelmed with joy - yet the song in the background speaks about death and its inevitability. Is this contrast meant to only emphasize that the wedding is actually not so joyful since it's for "saving girl's honour"? Or that Merabi's feelings are closer to grief than joy? But even when his face changes, the song keeps on going - is that to suggest that love and hope is stronger than the vision of death? or rather that this love is hopeless? You decide (Anyway - Sunrise Sunset this ain't...)]

ბინდისფერია სოფელი თანდათან უფრო ბინდდება რა არის ჩვენი სიცოცხლე ჩიტივით გაგვიფრინდება ჩვენს ნასახლარზე ოდესღაც ბალახი აბიბინდება

იმასაც მოკლედ უვლია ვინც გძლად ეგონა იარა თოფს ჟანგი შესჭამს ჟანგს მიწა, კაცის გულს დარდი იარა, მოვა სიკვდილი უჩინო, ერთ წამში აგვყრის იარაღას ჩვენ რას წავიღებთ იმქვეყნად, სხვას არა წაუღია რა.

ლექსო ამოგთქომ ოხერო თორო იქნება ვკვდებოდე, და შენ კი ჩემად სახსოვრად სააქაოსა რჩებოდე, მოსთქომდნენ ჩემებ სწორები ფანდურის ხმაზედ ჰყვებოდნენ, ქვეყანა მხიარულობდეს და მე საფლავში ვკვდებოდე, მოსთქომენ ჩემებ სწორები, ფანდურის ხმასა ჰყვებოდნენ, სახლო არ დაინგრეოდე, ცოლო არ გასთხოვდებოდე.

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22. Qalaquri 1 & 2

[Note: the title means "urban" but I have no idea what exact song (songs) were used in a movie. I can hear them but I can't understand a thing so I can't tell how much important this might be. IF YOU'RE GEORGIAN AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE SONG IS ABOUT - I WOULD LOVE YOU TO TELL ME!❤️ - The song is at 1h 28min of this Facebook reel)

23. განდაგანა (Gandagana)

(for the meaning - read Note below)

[Note: this time I don't think it's wise to pay attention to literal translation of Gandagana because this song seems to have much more metaphorical meaning in this particular movie scene than in any other before. That kind of direct "translation" you can find at lyricstranslate.com but these sentences doesn't seem to make much deeper sense for the average outside-Georgia viewer. Better check out these interpretations below (and note that the exact moment the "Tarnanani ninano" can be heard in the movie is right before Merab's "Congratulations"):

1. according to this page: "Gandagana" is a traditional Georgian folk song about love and longing. The lyrics tell the story of two lovers who can't be together due to their families, so they express their emotions through longing and sadness. The chorus repeats the words "Tarnanani ninano" which can be roughly translated to mean "Forever we will be apart." The song reflects the difficulty of love in a time where young lovers were not always able to choose their partners, and the pain and sorrow of having to separate.

2. Overall Meaning - according to this source: The song seems to explore themes of love, longing, and the complexities of relationships. The opening lines, "Gogov gogov kiskisa, Ak chamodi tsklis pirsa, Tskali masvi kokita, Gamadzgeni kocnita," can be loosely translated as "Go, go, dear little one, Like a flame, you ignite my soul, Like a thunderstorm, you strike me." These lines express the intense and passionate nature of the relationship being described. It suggests that the presence of the beloved person has a powerful impact on the singer, evoking feelings of excitement and desire. The following lines, "Tarnanani ninano, Tskals napoti Cmaohkonda," continue the exploration of love and longing. "Tarnanani" is a word that can be interpreted as a yearning or longing, while "napoti" means a missing or longing. So, the phrase could convey a sense of the singer's deep yearning for their loved one. "Cmaohkonda" might refer to a specific place or a metaphorical state representing the separation or distance between the two individuals. The later verses delve into the complexities of the relationship, describing emotional challenges and the struggle to find balance. Lines like "Kibis uku debelio, Me ikedan verçamoval" suggest that there might be a conflict or imbalance in the love affair. The lyrics also touch upon the physical and intimate aspects of the relationship, with phrases like "Baxçaşi rom pipinebdi, Pancridan diginaxeo" depicting a sense of affection and desire. Overall, "Gandagana" captures the intense emotions and complexities that can be experienced in a passionate relationship, expressing longing, desire, and the challenges that come with it.

The lyrics comes from lyricstranslate.com

გოგოვ გოგოვ ქისქისა აქ ჭამოდი წქლის ფირსა წქალი მასვი ქოქითა გამაძგენი ქოცნითა

თარნანანი ნინანო

წქალს ნაფოთი ცმაოჰქონდა ალვისი ხის ცამონა თვალი დადექ ნაფოთომიამბე საჲვარლის სემონათვალი

ნალიაზე მე ვერ ევალ ქიბის უქუ დებელიო მე იქედან ვერჭამოვალ შენზე ჩუუხუთებელიო

თაროზე მაქვს ხუთი ვაშლი სამი შენ შიგინახეო ბახჭაში რომ ფიფინებდი ფანცრიდან დიგინახეო

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24. ცანგალა და გოგონა (Tsangala Da Gogona)

Tsangala and girl Tsangala.. girl (2)

Tsangala went to the city, And stole grape from there, He didn't share grape with anybody, And digged grave for himself (ashamed himself)

Tsangala and girl Tsangala.. girl (2)

This guy dances well, He stands on halluces, If he hurts his legs, whose fault will it be?

Tsangala and girl Tsangala.. girl (2)

[Note: 1. This song is even more contrasting to the movie scene than the song during wedding scene - Tsangala song is considered really joyfull and most people are dancing and having fun while our character falls into pieces. Could there be any better way to emphasize how lonely and separated Merab feels in his grief? 2. Lyrics was found at lyricstranslate.com ]

..ცანგალა და გოგონა-ა ცანგალა გოგონა-ა (2)

გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგონაა გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგო გოგნი გოგნი გოგონა

ცანგალა ქალაქს წავიდა ყურძენი მოიპარა ყურძენი თვითონ შეჭამა საფლავი გაითხარა

..ცანგალა და გოგონა-ა ცანგალა გოგონა-ა (2)

გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგონაა გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგო გოგნი გოგნი გოგონა

ეს ბიჭი კარგად თამაშობს ფეხის წვერებზე დგებაა ამან რომ რამე იტკინოს გოგონას დაბრალდება

..ცანგალა და გოგონა-ა ცანგალა გოგონა-ა (2)

გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგნი გოგონაა გოგნი გოგ��ი გოგნი გოგო გოგნი გოგნი გოგონა

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25. წინწყარო (Tsintskaro)

I walked by Tsintskaro, Tsintskaro... I met a beautiful woman there, with koka (a jug / picher) on her shoulder. I spoke a word to her and she got offended, got enraged, stepped aside / ran away! (By other translation: kept standing aloof )

[Note: this song was already heard sooner in the movie (morning after Merab's and Irakli's first night) and described in the Part 2. (Special thanks to @notasapleasure for helping me identify that it's the same song)

This time Davit initiates the song right after returing home from his wedding and Merab quietly starts to sing along. It seems to comfort him somehow. Is only the beloved traditional polyphonic song that is comforting or the memory it brings?

I think that, together with the fact that Merab decided not to throw down the Spirited Away poster (the one that got commented by Irakli) as he did with the rest of the posters on his wall - indicates that he still wants to think about Irakli. I think it might suggest that he wants to keep warm memory about him even after giving back the ear-ring (and I'm mentioning it because I've seen some reviews interpreting the ear-ring scene as "it's over", letting go, Merab deciding that he discovered and accepted his own self and doesn't need Irakli anymore. I think that yes, maybe his approach was to be seen as taugh and proud in the eyes of his leaving lover, but it does not necessarily reflect what he really felt nor how hard giving that ring back was for him). Now all that is left is Spirited Away poster. And Tsintskaro.]

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X. Final dance

[No words, only mood]

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26. რა ლამაზია თუშეთი (Ra Lamazia Tusheti)

"How beautiful is Tusheti/Georgia"

How beautiful Tusheti and Lasharoba Tushur are, with twisted horns and a forehead with a candle.

There is a curvy son and a woman crouching on the slope, the water of the wild Alazni singing in the Ewes.

Drinking cold beer with the horn of a stall, barbecuing naked on the fire, fingers dancing on the harmonica of a Tush woman.

I close my eyes, I can still see the necks of the horses and the wolf-clad shepherd boys in the horse's harness.

The blue-dressed pines stand like a bride, I love Dartlo and Chigo mountain, I burn them with love.

How good was Tusheti and Lasharoba Tushur, Chedila with twisted horns, forehead with a candle.

Grilled barbecues cooked on ghadar

[Note: 1. The translation is awful because I could only use google-translator. But the general meaning undoubtly is "How beautiful is Georgia". And I think that's another of the series of music contrasting the movie action. The end of the movie rather leaves us with a feeling of "how untollerant" Georgia is, so the song seems a bit ironical. But let's not forget that Merab actually loves his country and its culture, dances and food... so maybe it's not ironical at all? Georgia is beautiful and young people wish they could love their country freely and not have to plan leaving it for their safety 2. Lyrics source is lyricstranlate.com ]

"რა ლამაზია თუშეთი"

რა ლამაზია თუშეთი და ლაშარობა თუშური, რქებჩაგრეხილი ჭედილა სანთლით შუბლგადატრუსული. ფერდობზე ჩამწკრივებული კოხტა ვაჟი და ქალია, ევებში ამღერებული შმაგი ალაზნის წყალია. ჯიხვის რქით ცივი ლუდის სმა, ცეცხლზე შიშხინი მწვადისა, გარმონზე აცეკვებული თითები თუშის ქალისა.

თვალებს დავხუჭავ, კვლავ მოსჩანს სადოღე ცხენთა კისრები და ქორბეღელას ფერხულში მგლისმუხლა მწყემსი ბიჭები. პატარძალივით დამდგარან ლურჯკაბიანი ფიჭვები, მიყვარს დართლო და ჩიღოს მთა, მათ სიყვარულით ვიწვები. რა კარგი იყო თუშეთი და ლაშარობა თუშური, რქებჩაგრეხილი ჭედილა, სანთლით შუბლგადატუსული. ცვარმოდებული მწვადები ღადარზე გამოშუშული

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27. Kinto's Song

I don't know what to do anymore I don't know what to do anymore I have only one heart How can I divide the two? Muhammad and Abdul too I swear to love Both of them fall in love How will it be? One promised me a scarf for love The other one kills himself for my sake I like you both What can I do, what do you want? Love to both Tell me how to separate you Muhammad and Abdul Don't bother me like that my heart and love I am only changing one One promised me a scarf for love The other one kills himself for my sake

[Note: 1. Kintauri and Kinto's culture is so important in the movie I already made SEPARATE POST ABOUT IT and the whole separate tag: #ATWD kintouri trail . To summarise it: kinto were street fruit sellers in Tbilisi in early 20th century, with characteristic clothes and dance (kintouri) and many of them were gay men (though this fact is many times ommited in georgian sources). The "Kinto's song" was found on old x-ray record and it also tells about gay love. This all brings important context to the fact that Merab and Irakli became dance partners of kintouri duo and were dancing parts of this particular dance throughout the whole movie. 2. Once again the translation comes from google-translator and the lyrics from marketer.ge )

აღარ ვიცი რა ვქნა მე აღარ ვიცი რა ვუყო გული მხოლოდ ერთი მაქვს ორს კი როგორ გავუყო მუჰამედ და აბდულიც სიყვარულს მეფიცება ორივეს შეყვარება აბა როგორ იქნება ერთმა შარფი დამპირდა სიყვარულისთვის მეორე კი თავს იკლავს

ჩემი გულისთვის მე ორივე მომწონხართ აბა რა ვქნა, რა გიყოთ სიყვარული ორივეს მითხარ, როგორ გაგიყოთ მუჰამედ და აბდული ასე ნუღა მაწვალებთ ჩემს გულს და სიყვარულს მხოლოდ ერთს ვანაცვალებ ერთმა შარფი დამპირდა სიყვარულისთვის მეორე კი თავს იკლავს ჩემი გულისთვის

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28. ბაღში გაგიცან (Baghshi Gagitsan)

I met you in the garden for the first time, I looked at the moon Your throat was like white wine in a glass I looked at it and couldn't stand those twinkling eyes The twinkling light of your eyes turned into a light

Are you born of your mother or are you a fairy flying from the sky? What pen wrote the eyebrows of your eyes If you ordered me, you know what I would do for you I would move the place where you were born to my house

I would like to know, beautiful, where you are staying In which region does such a good fruit grow? If you ordered me, you know what I would do for you I would move the place where you were born to my house

[Note: 1. As crucial as this song is for the whole And Then We Danced movie I was able not find any good translation of this lyrics that would sound satisfying enough. But I have no doubts that the first verse of this song is directly reffering to Merab and Irakli meeting behind the kvevri in the vineyard!❤️ If not for the fact that the crucial scene is left without music - one might imagine this song to be a perfect background music. Could it be another example of following contrasts in the movie? Love scene between boy and girl might openly refer to a traditional song - but for our boys the song is only secretly suggested in end credits... 2. Source of the lyrics was tsutisopeli.com and archives from alazani.ge ]

ბაღში გაგიცან პირველად

ბაღში გაგიცან პირველად თვალი შეგავლე მთვარესა ყელი გიგავდა ალალ ღვინოს ჭიქაში მდგომიარესა ვერ მოვითმინე, ვერ შევხედე მაგ მოციმციმე თვალებსა შენი თვალების ციმციმი შუქად ეფინა არესა

დედაის ნაშობი ხარ თუ ცით მოფრენილი ფერია შენი თვალების წარბები რა კალამს დაუწერია რომ მიბრძანებდე მე შენთვის იცი რას გადავიტანდი იმ ადგილს რამანც შენ გშობა ჩემს სახლში გადავიტანდი

ნეტავ ვიცოდე ლამაზო სად არის შენი სამყოფი რომელ მხარეში იზრდება ასეთი კარგი ნაყოფი რომ მიბრძანებდე მე შენთვის იცი რას გადავიტანდი იმ ადგილს რამანც შენ გშობა ჩემს შახლში გადავიტანდი

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-------------- go to Prologue ---------------

--------------- go to Part 1 ------------------

--------------- go to Part 2 ------------------

--------------- go to Part 3 ------------------

--------------- go to Part 4 ------------------

#ATWD amateur guidebook #and then we danced #atwd #და ჩვენ ვიცეკვეთ #ATWD kintouri trail #and then we danced soundtrack #levan akin #georgian culture #georgian music #georgian movie #ქართული #I MADE IT! OMG I FINALLY MADE IT!!!🥳 the first part came out in 20th july so I managed to finish the series within a year!💪#the draft was there since november. you can only guess how long it was taking me to scroll through all the drafts to come back to it😂#oh my imagine translating over 20 songs in the language you don't speak with lyrics written with very different letters...#...only to find out these songs' meaning in your favorite movie!❤️❤️❤️#This wasn't easy this wasn't clever and I'm definitely not normal person - but I am so proud of myself!👏👏👏😁#(now expect me reblogging the whole series - sorry not sorry - I deserve the satisfaction)#(I also would love to make another blog filled with cultural knowledge of ATWD. do you know some ppl watched it few times #NOT knowing what things like tamada supra or kvevri are?! so much knowledge still to share!)

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