#dan wtf was that last look about? I mean I agree but what was it about?

[jtownraindancer]

this is my happy place 😌

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

Longing

Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 10 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU

Masterlist | Next Part

Chan Hey, just checking in. How’s your dad? Y/N He’s good, awake and lucid Doctors say everything went smoothly, he should make a full recovery Chan That’s good. Y/N How are the boys? Chan Missing you. Img.png Y/N Tell them I miss them too Chan I will. Give your dad our best wishes. Y/N Thanks

0o0o0

Sophie Hey, I just got your message Are you okay? Y/N Don’t worry, I’m fine. My dad’s okay too I didn’t get a chance to update you Had a lot on my mind Sophie No, yeah. I get it Y/N How was the day 2 concert? Sophie Just as amazing as day 1 Well, actually it was a bit weird I felt like the members weren’t as playful as the first time around. It seemed like they had a lot on their mind too … Maybe it was just one of those days Y/N Yeah, I guess Sophie Either way, it’s a shame we didn’t get to hang out more before you left I’m glad your dad’s okay Y/N Me too. If I’m ever back in the city, I’ll let you know Sophie Of course. In the meantime, want to see some videos from last night? Y/N Sure!

0o0o0

Y/N You sure you don’t want anything from the store? Mom I’m sure sweetie, thank you. Y/N Ok Mom Hey, while I have a chance to talk to you without your dad listening in. We need to talk about your soulmates. Y/N What about them? Mom Sweetheart, I remember when I met my soulmate. We were inseparable for weeks. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it is to be away from them right now. Y/N Mom … Mom I mean, even now, not being able to see her makes me uncomfortable. Why do you think we have our weekly Friday night meet ups? Y/N I thought that was just an excuse to go out and complain about Dan from finances Mom You and I both know I don’t need an excuse to complain about Dan. But that’s not the point. I can’t stand not being with Lucy. And we’re only platonic soulmates. From what I’ve heard, that’s definitely not the case with you. Y/N Mom! Mom You should be with your soulmates. Y/N Dad’s still in recovery, mom You can’t take care of him yourself, you have work and your health issues … You need help. They understand, we can make it work Besides, they’re on tour. I was going to have to be away from them for a while anyway It’s not like I could just go on tour with them Mom I’m sure that’s not true. Y/N Im almost back at the room. We can talk about this later

0o0o0

Soulmates

Y/N Hey Did you guys land yet? Seungmin Few minutes ago Felix Hi!!! How are you?! I’m good Felix, thank you ^^ Seungmin Img.png Img.png Img.png Felix YAH! Seungmin wtf!??! Seungmin Not my fault you all fell asleep on the plane Felix So you decided to photograph us?!!? Seungmin Blackmail material Minho I’m going to commit murder Y/N Awww, you guys look so cute I hope you guys get some rest … Guys? Wait he wasn’t serious about the murder was he? Hyunjin Hi baby I miss you Jisung I miss you too! Hyunjin I miss them more! Chan Guys, it’s not a competition Felix But if it is, I definitely miss them more >:) Y/N Guys, Minho wasn’t serious about killing Seungmin, was he? … Guys?

0o0o0

Jeongin Did you have breakfast yet? Y/N Shit, no I’ve been busy. I had to take my dad to his doctor’s appointment today and then I had to go do groceries Jeongin :( Y/N Sorry Innie. I’ll go get a snack rn Jeongin You haven’t been eating a lot lately … You know coffee doesn’t count as a meal, right? Y/N I know Sorry :( Jeongin You need to take care of yourself. I’m worried about you Y/N I will, I promise Jeongin I’ll remind you if you don’t. I swear, you’re worse than Channie-hyung Y/N D: I’m not that bad Jeogin … What did you just eat? It’s disgusting Please never eat that again Y/N You take that back Ham and Jelly toast is delicious and I refuse to accept this slander Plus its an easy snack Jeongin I will pay you to never eat that again Please Stop! DID YOU JUST ADD HOT SAUCE?!!!? Y/N Suffer

0o0o0

Mom I had a talk with my boss about work. He’s agreed to let me work from home for the next few months. Y/N Oh, that’s good. Now you can spend more time with dad during breaks and lunch … Mom It also means that I won’t need your help around the house anymore. Y/N Mom, we’ve talked about this. I’m not leaving you guys! Mom It’s been almost a month. Your soulmates are almost done with their tour You should go see them. Y/N I appreciate the effort mom, I really do. But can you just drop this? Mom No, I won’t. Why are you forcing yourself to be so unhappy? You think I don’t notice how stressed and upset you’ve been lately? You’re not eating well, you’re not getting a lot of sleep. Honey, I’m worried. Being away from your soulmates for so long so soon after meeting can’t be good for you. Or them! Y/N They have each other, they’ll be fine. Mom That’s not how this works, and you know it. Have you even talked to them about it? Y/N I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now. Mom You can’t run away from your problems forever.

0o0o0

Soulmates

Minho 커피 원해? (anyone want coffee?) Jisung ㅇㅇ (yup) Felix 내!!!! (yes!!!!) Chan 주세요. (please.) Seungmin 됐어요 (im good) Y/N I mean, if you’re offering It might be a bit cold by the time you get here though Minho Ahh, wrong chat Sorry Jisung Wait a minute! Since when do you read Korean?!! Y/N I don’t??!! I just used google translate Although I did recognize 내! That means yes :D Minho 귀엽다 (cute) Changbin Waa, our soulmate is so smart. Y/N :D Don’t drink too much coffee though. I’ve been told it is not a meal >:( Im talking to you, Chan Chan I have no idea what you’re talking about Y/N >:( Jeongin >:( Felix >:( Jisung >:( Chan It’s only my second cup today! And the first one was 3 hours ago! Y/N IT’S ONLY 9AM! Chan … Felix I’m going to kill you

0o0o0

Y/N Hey, can I ask for some advice? I need an unbiased opinion Sophie Well I’m not sure I’d consider myself unbiased. I’m definitely Han biased, that’s for sure. ;) Y/N It’s about my soulmate Sophie OH! I totally forgot about that, you haven’t talked about them at all! Y/N Yeah, between everything with my dad and then school and stuff … My mom has been on my ass these past few weeks about it Sophie About what? Y/N She thinks its unhealthy for me to be away from them She has this scary close bond with her soulmate, a childhood friend of hers. And she can’t imagine being away from her, so she thinks that I need to go be with my soulmate But I’ve been refusing, and now every time I see her it feels like she’s seconds away from starting another argument I’m just so tired of all the arguing, and wondering if maybe she’s right I have been having a harder time getting sleep Sophie Oh wow, that’s …. Wow. Y/N yeah Sophie I’m not sure you want my honest opinion right now. Y/N Please, I do. I need someone that isn’t my mom to be straight up with me. Am I being irrational? Sophie Well, first of all, being away from your soulmates is definitely not easy. But It’s also not a big deal, and long distance relationships work fine even between new soulmates. So maybe your mom is projecting a little bit. But I don’t think that’s the problem here. Y/N ??? Sophie Why does the idea of leaving to be with your soulmates bother you so much? I mean, when I found Alexis I was overjoyed, but I still didn’t have time to see him a lot. We both had school and work, and it was hard to find time to spend together. Honestly, I would have taken any opportunity I had to be with him. And yet here you are, turning down all of your mom’s offers. I feel like something else is at play here than just your mom’s pushiness. Y/N … Sophie I told you you wouldn’t like my opinion. Y/N No, you’re right Fuck, you’re right Sophie I usually am :) Y/N Thank’s Sophie, I really needed someone to knock some sense into me. Sophie Glad I could help. Want some memes? Y/N Yes, please!

0o0o0

Y/N Mom. I’m sorry You were right, I want to be with my soulmates. I really appreciate everything you’ve done to give me the opportunity to be with them. And I’m sorry I’ve been so stubborn about it. But Mom, I feel like you’re pushing me away. I feel like you don’t want me here. My soulmates will never be more important than you. You’re my mom, and I worry about you and dad. I worry about you guys being by yourselves, about being away from you. I’m scared and I just feel like everything is moving too fast. Can you call me when you get off work? I love you.

0o0o0

Y/N We need to talk Chan That doesn’t sound good Y/N It’s nothing bad, I promise Chan Okay? Y/N My dad has been getting better. He’s walking now. Chan That’s great! I’m glad your dad’s okay. Y/N Yeah Chan I have a feeling that’s not what you wanted to talk about, though. Y/N They managed to talk with a neighbor, and he agreed to drive my dad to his appointments if my mom can’t take him. And I started taking online classes. Chan Huh? Y/N Chris I think we need to talk about what happens when you guys are done with your tour.

[sam-blackbird]

What if episode 8 spoilers!

I wrote this while watching the episode and after, but I don’t stop the episode every time I had something to said because it would have been to long. (In fact that’s what I did so it’s really a long post, sorry!) Anyway, let’s began!

OMG there’s « Jeremy Renner » in the opening! *fangirling in Hawkeye/Clint Barton fan* Wait, about the opening, it’s different from the others, the ones from the previous seven episodes, right? OMG blond-haired-Natasha! *also cry in fangirl*

The Watcher talking about a reality which end and which breaks his (?)(we always assume that’s The Watcher use the he/him pronouns but as far as I’m not sure of it, I’ll use the they/them pronouns) their heart and guess what? I think this episode will break mine!

It snow… (Please tell me it’s not ashes (Maybe from the burning world?))

Holy- Natasha!!! My heart is tight and I feel bad and sad and now I want to cry, Marvel I hate you. Also, she looks hurt, Marvel I double hate you for that, stop playing with my feeling please!

*yell and screams* My little boiiii!!! (Hawkeye/Clint Barton just appeared on my screen) (and I’m really happy of it) (I hope he won’t be hurt, or I’ll became violent because no one hurt my little baby! Yes, I’m aware that he’s older and stronger than me but I don’t care, let me dream and cry, ok?) Also, excuse me, but what happened to his right arm? I’m not sure but if it’s what I think it is, Marvel you’re gonna have big trouble (and by that I mean my insulting you in French in my room, which isn’t that bad I think)

Good I love this action scene and this duo! And the Hawkeye cape is really stylish! I want the same! It seems so cool! Can we agree on the fact that that’s a cape of invisibility, like in Harry Potter?

Also, that’s a metal arm or a prothese that he have instead of his right arm?! Marvel please no! *screams and swear in French*

The three-arrows thing was cool!

*double scream in French when the robots hurt Hawkeye*

Touch him and I’ll kill you you robots! Yay! Natasha!

Wait a minute, I just think about it but where are the others? (I’m full of fear now)

A joke about him being disable? Ah. Sooo fun 😒 (no) Natasha saying that puns aren’t her speciality… Girl, no kidding?! Also, the « It’s Russia. Secrets were the national pastime. » is actually a good one! (Is that the ruins of Saint-Petersburg?)

« One‘s man dream »… You mean his stupidity and/or madness of values, right?

Oh sh¡T! Ultron dear, you’re a son of a Tony, and that’s not a compliment. Dumbass, if you erase the life on Earth, first of all that‘s not nice (thank you Captain obvious) and then, how can we have the wonderful Wandavison?! (Yeah, I love this ship, one of the only hetero ones I like)

Clint being worried for his family wasn’t something I needed today you Marvel!

Scuse me WTF?! He cut Thanos like a shitty piece of paper?! And this purple idiot let him a free access to the Infinity stones?! (Well, he may don’t think things were gonna happened that way but it’s a big catastrophe, like *scream in French*)

*swear in French* Ultron my dear don’t do that!!! *scream for the happy universes we saw* *cry for it* Also, Ultron might be a vilain but we can’t deny they’re (again I’m not sure about the pronouns) really good looking. I mean, their design is really cool and full of style and it’s sad it would bring us tears and desperation because they’re really stylish -I know I repeated the same think but I think it and my English vocabulary isn’t really good :C -.

And I was right to fear for the others :C

Ultron, peace isn’t destruction!

Did he just destroyed Earth?! *is shocked and don’t accept it* *my heroes can’t die, right? * (friendly reminder that Tony’s not part of my heroes)

And Asgard?! *still in disbelief*

*saw their favorites MCU characters disappear from the screen* No! Nooo! *cry for real and had to put pause to cry* (my heart is broken, why did you did this Marvel?!)

The Great Master is just like us, he watch what’s happening in disbelief because it’s so… absurd. It’s not happening, right? It’s just a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon, right?

What the f_ck Xandar?! Captain! *cry with joyfull tears* Please kick Ultron’s ass! Skynet, LoL, I understand that reference! (Am I that old?!)

Wait, I just realized but if Ultron had destroyed Earth, it means Maria -you know, Carol’s wife- is dead?! *gasp in pain*

« You can’t win. - I already have. » Dude WTF?! Let me have hope you son of Tony!

Crap Ultron broke the 4th wall and heard the narrator (aka The Watcher!)! We’re in danger! All the universes are in danger! Our mental health are in dan… Wait, I don’t have that one.

*deep breath with Natasha and Clint appears on screen*

Hey Watcher, maybe you could help them, no? I mean, the multiverse is in danger and they’re your last hope, remember? But no, it’s so much fun to watch them looking in all the boxes… 😒

Is that Alexei Red Guardian’s shield? You really want me to cry Marvel?! (oh no, now I’ve got « Bye bye Miss American Pie » stuck in head… Great, really)

*Clint talking about his low will to live* Me: same here bro! Not exactly for the same reasons but same here!

Watcher, stop talking just f_cking help them! That’s what you called « intervene » Watcher?! LoL seing them trying to talk to the duo Clintasha is the funniest think in this episode for now xD

Not this escalator xD *think about the scene with Steve and Bucky in it in Captain America: The Winter Soldier* *smile*

Francis?! WTF?! XD

How to kill Zola? With water xD Oh God I love Clint so much xD

« I’d like to order a pizza » LoL *die of laughing because it was unexpected* xD (See? She can make pun!)

Yes, a specific arrow! Also, don’t explain us you plan! If we know the plan before it happened, it’s not gonna work!

I’m love the trio Clint-Natasha-Zola actually!

Wait… Natasha holding Clint furiously reminds me of what happened in Voromir… *realization* NO! No no no no No! I see what you trying to doing here Marvel! No! I want them to live! Both of them!

*shock* *cry*

The « I don’t want to fight anymore » wasn’t something I needed Marvel! Why would you do this to me?! WHY?!

*also, sadly, we know that Ultron won’t die in this episode because we saw it in the end of episode 7 and it was after episode 8 I guess*

THEY DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HAPPENED IN ENDGAME THOSE *incomprehensible swear drowned in tears* !!! I hope all the one who said that « it should have been Clint » regret it!

And the little smile! He’s relieve to leave and to join his family! *cry in pain*

Why do I still watch The MCU?! I know it’s painful but I still watch, why?!

Apart of that, can we talk about the beauty of this scene? The music, the light who goes on Clint…

Watcher, you sure you can’t do anything ?!

I’m sorry but I have to : Nat, you’re such a poser !

Wait, The Watcher is actually really badass and strong!

What the f_ck Steve?! Why became president?!

WTF?!

Wait, it’s already the end?! Ah, no. Fiou.

What the… That’s Strange. And by that I don’t only said that it’s weird, but also that that’s literally Doctor Strange from episode 6.

How the f_ck does he end up there!? No idea.

I love the ending music, god!

*enging credits* What the… The CNC and Film France helped?! *disbelief but also pride to be French*

And that’s it! Finished! One week to wait until the next one?! It’s gonna be sooo long (actually no because of my studies but you understand what I mean, right?)

[chemicalarospec]

Genuinely Don’t Say Anything Interesting Here But I Like Talking So Thus I’m Posting This

okay I did like nothing productive today but have a ramble on youtube fanbases, specifically the new gen of mcyt. This was two posts and then I made it one so sorry when I repeat myself. I did edit it tho lol. But that means I also inserted more, so this is just all over the place now. 

me from the future: oh god. all over the place. wait wtf this is so long. I don’t even have much to say I just like writing the same sentence three different ways and refusing to cut any of them. I’m sorry; I don’t know how to edit; this is informal AF. (can I use three semicolons? at least one of those is wrong anyways lol.)

edit: I’m so sorry I forgot about having a “read more” last night laksjdflksjad. Also idk if I even agree with myself lmao.

it’s so funny how mcyt is like The Thing now. It’s not cool to like it anymore lol, cuz everybody does. (This is a me thing. I like being special lol. I also self-define “cool” so you should not take it to heart when I say it’s not cool.)

I mean, just thinking about the Dream SMP as something I *do* want to get into, it doesn’t feel like “our thing” -- it’s has the feel of a HUGE fandom. Seriously, I’m in the phandom, which ngl has been dead since 2018, and the fanbase for the SMP has a much different, bigger feel. Idk what i’m getting at, it feels imposing? looking at the Dream SMP fandom seems similar in scope and slightly in atmosphere to pre-2019 phandom, at least to me, and it’s actually making me grateful that I joined now and not all that time ago.

Also I brought up the “our thing” bit because of the mcr post that goes “funny how MCR seems like our little secret and the biggest thing in the world at the same time” and I kinda thought that was just how all fandoms worked? idk I was going to assert that the truth is different but I thought some more and now I’m not sure.

but yeah I like the “our little secret” feel and somehow the phandom has (re)gained that while technoblade (and the new gen of mcyt as a whole) is loosing it.

I mean, I’ve been watching Technoblade since the bedwars winstreak. He had less than a millions subs but most people I brought him up to actually did know who he was. He was big but he wasn’t *famous* -- we all knew about him and we all cared. Like the only person who knew who he was and didn’t care had a little brother(s?) that loved him (wait why is this all in past tense this is all still true). (Yes AFC this has become a callout post for you mocking techno lol.) (If you’re still reading my miNeCRaFT yOuTuBeR fAnBaSe MEta. cringe culture is dead tho; I don’t have to say it like that.) 

Anyways, I didn’t follow Technoblade’s Dream SMP streams and now I feel like I’d just be tagging along if I did get into it. (also didn’t watch SMP Earth lol.) This is because I’m a gate-keeping jerk. Or hate missing out. One of those two things. 

(awkward transition where I don’t know how to make my tangent meaningful and have to make it back to the original train of thought I violently interrupted)

As a long time Techno fan, I’m really proud of the growth he’s experiencing, but a little sad too as the community is being -- well, I don’t want to say “infiltrated,” as I don’t want to shade anyone who was simply late to the party -- perhaps diluted? overwhelmed? yeah, overwhelmed by newer fans, and becoming “unmanageable” in a sense; it feels like we’ve lost a bit of our sense of community with the influx of new fans -- no shade to any new fans! This is just the way fandoms work. When the crowd is larger, it becomes harder recognize each member as a person, even if everything else is the same. (”The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.”) (look this is how my brain works deal with it)

I just really like this small community feel, and it’s a bit daunting looking at the smp fandom. 

Also the growth Dream experienced this year is genuinely ludicrous. I mean, the wide appeal of shipping is part of it, not going to beat around that bush, but there’s just so much and I wanna read an essay from a long-time fan who saw it on why he’s got so much growth. 

I really hate to shame fans and stuff, but part of it, at least for me, is that most of these new fans probably aren’t “minecrafters” like we were. I doubt the majority of them grew up on Stampy, DanTDM, and whatever the other ones I didn’t watch were. I mean, some of this is because Child. For them, the distinction is really pre-quarantine post-quarantine i guess? Really, whether they played Minecraft or not. Again, I know it’s bad to shame fans, but apparently I’m just a terrible person and I feel like it’s more shallow or disingenuous to get into MCYT when it’s popular without already being into Minecraft. 

WAIT that’s it -- Minecraft community, as a whole, is special. It’s a LARGE umbrella of fandoms in general, but that’s the thing: they’re all more communities than fandoms -- from the casual builders to the pro parkour players to those who watched the og youtubers to those who followed the Great Potato War, there was Minecraft Culture. 

And the expanded fandom that’s sprung up around the Dream SMP and possibly Dream in general (???) is more of fandom. It feels like a fandom. People treat it like a fandom, they talk about it in fandom spaces, it is fandom, a modern fandom. Not a quaint “little” Minecraft community. 

I’m not going to say it’s because of the shipping, but... I have no data but at least I can say that it certainly creates an appeal for Fandom People as opposed to Minecraft People. And then also it’s just a fandom thing so it makes the space more fandom. 

Also I realized this is all based upon a feeling, so where did the feeling come from? I was reading in-fandom texts a lot today, and I think the storyline actually might have something to do with it. Also maybe the “talking behind their backs”? I can’t be bothered to remember what I’m comparing to what at this point but that’s definitely done in a lot of other spaces I’m in, so idk.

OH FRICK I’ve mostly been *in* the fandom spaces for real things lmao. (Read: I’m 100% making up everything at this point.) 

(awkward transition because I inserted the last two paragraphs later on)

And really, I played minecraft today for the first time in months. But it’s still with me, you know? The memories of being introduced to it, growing up with it. Going to the Nether with my cousins, my uncle’s giant survival mode cathedral. Mojang being bought by Microsoft and everybody hating it. (... me, my brother, my two friends, essentially... how did we even know??)

[I had part about the minecraft.net writers here but it was completely unrelated so it became it’s own post. I should do that more.]

(With every sentence the target audience of this post gets smaller.)

What was I saying? I’ll just wrap up. 

TL;DR: Dream SMP fandom feels like a fandom and not a Minecraft community and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I prefer a community feel, which makes me grateful I joined the phandom now. Also I shouldn’t be allowed to post things past 9:00pm. 

Oh my god I’m so sorry to all my mutrals. My tired loquacious reflex has kicked in. This is essentially a dan and phil stan blog, and though I know a few of you know what I’m going on about, I’m so sorry to the rest of you. 

Well, at least *I* think I’m a fascinating person with interesting things to say hahahahha. 

This is like a diary post. Should I post this? Yeah, other people should share my thoughts lol. OH NO: Late-night Tumblr fandom ramble posts are the new social-justice tirade/generally useless blog-like Goodreads reviews. At least it’s what Tumblr’s made for :P. 

[combeauferre]

i don’t know why (i can’t keep my eyes off of you)

30/37, 57.3k words

starting a new university is hard enough without Phil having to convince PJ he doesn't have a crush on their other flatmate, Dan. He doesn't have a crush on Dan.

read on ao3

start at the beginning

Dan goes home a few days later, and even though Phil is already home and away from Dan, he feels like his chest aches more to know that he is going to be so much further away for the next two weeks. Even if Phil wanted to take a bus back to uni to see him, he couldn’t.

He texts Phil the entire journey home, rambling about this and that. It’s strange to suddenly do so much communicating over text, when they would usually be with each other at almost all hours of the day.

Dan: this train journey is so boring mate

Dan: normally i like trains but theres nothing here wtf

Dan: oh actually theres a field of horses thats nice

Phil: Ew horses

Dan: ew?

Phil: Don’t like horses

Dan: why?

Phil: Too many legs

Dan: how is four legs too many

Phil: Just a bit unnecessary isn’t it

Dan: do u hate dogs too  

Phil: No? Dogs have the correct amount of legs

Dan: would u rather horses walked on 2 legs

Phil: You’ve upset me

Dan: XD ur an idiot

“So.”

Phil feels the weight dip next to him as Martyn sits down at the other end of the sofa. Phil was so focused on his phone, he didn’t even notice Martyn come in. He can feel the grin drop from his face before he’s really registered it happening, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“Dan, huh?” Martyn says, like he’s trying to stay casual.

“Dan,” Phil agrees.

“Your boyfriend.”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

Phil huffs a nervous laugh.

“You got more to say than that?”

“I guess… a lot’s changed in the last couple of months, huh?”

“Not really,” says Phil, with a frown. “I’ve not changed. I just… accepted myself, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“What?” it sounds more like a snap than Phil intended, but the way Martyn looks at him tells him it hasn’t really hit home that way.

“I’m… I’m just surprised, I guess,” Martyn says. “Didn’t really expect you to come home with a boyfriend.”

“What did you expect?” Phil can almost feel himself growing colder towards his brother.

“I… I don’t know.”

“A girlfriend?”

Martyn opens his mouth, then closes it again.

“I guess so.”

“I’m gay, Mar.”

“Oh.”

“Not what you expected either?” he can hear his own bitterness, and he sees the way Martyn flinches a little at his tone. Some part of him wants to apologise, but really he knows not to. He doesn’t need to apologise for being something his brother didn’t expect him to be.

“I don’t… I never really thought about it, I suppose.” Martyn looks at his hands awkwardly. “You just… you just expect people to be straight, you know? You don’t really think about how people might not be straight until…”

“Until they’re not?”

“Yeah,” Martyn breathes. “Sorry.”

“S’okay,” Phil mumbles. He’s not really sure that it is okay right now, but Martyn really seems like he’s trying his best, and that means something to Phil. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a little while before Martyn opens his mouth again.

“You seem happy.”

Phil softens, and looks back up at Martyn with as much of a smile as he manage.

“I am, Mar.”

“That’s what counts really, isn’t it?” he smiles and Phil finds a genuine smile to match his. He can feel the way his body relaxes as the tension begins to ebb away. It doesn’t feel so big and scary any more. He feels like Martyn cares and wants to do right by Phil, and that is important. They can go back to normal now, move away from the invisible wall between them that only Phil knew about.

 “Who’s going to help me clear up?” Kath asks as she stands from the dinner table. Normally, this question would be followed by Martyn and Phil throwing awkward glances at each other for a full five minutes before Kath got fed up and called one of them through to help her wash up. But today, Phil is quick to volunteer.

“I will,” he says, immediately jumping up and piling plates to carry through to the kitchen.

“Are you feeling okay, Phil?” Kath asks with a laugh. Phil just laughs awkwardly with her, hoping she won’t see through his act. Her eyes narrow though, as they walk through the hallway together, and he knows he’s been found out. “You want something, child.”

Phil smiles sheepishly.

“Maybe,” he squeaks.

“Come on, let’s get this washing up done and then you can ask.”

They get the water drawn and the dishes started before Phil decides it might be the right time to ask.

“So I was thinking,” he says. Kath looks up at him with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Well. So. Uh.”

“Out with it,” she says with a little laugh.

“So Dan’s going back to uni really early,” he starts. “Like. The day after New Year’s.”

“Okay.”

“And the rest of us aren’t gonna be going back until the week after.”

“Really.”

“And I was thinking maybe… I could go back the same day as Dan. So he won’t be on his own.”

Kath gives him an incredulous look and he smiles again, as innocently as he can.

“Hm,” she says. “Should I let my teenage son go back to a flat where he will be alone with his new boyfriend for a whole week? Forgive me for being crass, Phil, but-”

“Mum, stop!” he holds up a hand before he hears her say something he doesn’t want to hear. “It’s not like that. I just really don’t want him to be all alone for a week when he could be… not alone.”

She gives him another of those stern, not-quite-believing looks, and studies him for a moment.

“You’re lucky I trust you, Philip,” she says. She shakes her head, sticking her hands back into the water to carry on washing. “Oh well, it’s not like I can stop you if that’s what you wanted to do with Dan anyway. You’re both adults now, I suppose.”

“It’s really not like that, mum,” he says, as sincerely as he can manage. “It’s so new. Neither of us are ready for… that, yet.”

She gives him a smile, one that says everything she can’t verbalise about her little boy growing up and her powerlessness to make it stop. It makes Phil’s chest hurt, and he stops drying the dish in his hand in favour of opening his arms and pulling his mum into a hug. Because he is growing up and neither of them can stop it, and he thinks that might make him as sad as it does her, in some ways.

 Phil spends as much time as he can with Chris and PJ over the break. He’s loved spending so much time with Dan recently, but it feels refreshing to be back here, in Chris’ living room, with two of his favourite people on earth. They exchange presents and each take a sofa to sleep on (or the floor, in Chris’ case, since he seemed to draw the short straw on that one again), and it feels just like it has for the last ten years.

He hasn’t told Chris his news, and PJ hasn’t mentioned it, to his surprise. But now they’re lying here in the dark, and he can hear PJ’s breath evening out across from him. The light from Chris’ phone is illuminating his face, and Phil smiles inwardly to think how similar this is to a time a couple of months ago, when he was lying here on this same sofa, thinking about how scary it would be to tell Chris that he was gay.

He rolls over, stretches a socked foot out from under his blanket, and reaches as far as he can towards Chris. It nearly pokes him in the cheek, and he looks up at Phil with a frown he can barely see, but that he knows is there.

“Hey, Chris,” he whispers.

“What, Phil?”

So much has changed since last time, Phil thinks, as he makes as good an eye contact as he can with Chris. It’s all so different now. He’s not afraid any more. He has good news, and he wants to tell his best friend.

“I have a boyfriend now.”

“Really?” Chris puts down his phone and sits up.

“Yeah.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dan.”

“Oh,” Chris says. Phil can’t see him anymore but he can hear the change of tone. “I believe PJ mentioned a Dan.”

Phil huffs a laugh.

“Of course he did.”

“That’s great, Phil,” Chris says softly, “I’m so happy for you.”

Phil feels a little like he might cry. He’s surrounded by so much support and love, and just a few months ago he could never have imagined this. This time has really worked wonders for him, in a way he could never have seen.

[redrabbitspod]

happiness?

first, i wanted to start by thanking dan for allowing me to post this. for a while, i wondered if i even should. but, a lot of you have been asking about me, my upbringing, and who the fuck i am. i think this is, in part, due to my team interview and rumor. i have to admit, not all of the rumors are wrong, but i wanted to come completely clean and after a long time of thinking and a big change in my life, i decided why the fuck not?  maybe, i told myself, it would help some of you. i hope it does. 

but, it is personal and it does mean a lot to me. if i’m being honest, it also makes me feel a bit vulnerable. however, after taking quite a few L’s for rrp, dan agreed, so here we are. 

where are we? here. the fuck does that mean? i don’t exactly know, but i’m going to fuckin wing it.

so, here goes. let’s start from the top. (art by me)*

QUICK OOC! THIS IS A CHAPTER! CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT SETH’S TIME IN MIAMI AND MORE OF WHAT HE TALKS ABOUT UNDER THE CUT 

*BloodyDamnit: it’s my art. but we like to think Seth is an artist :)

vvvvvvvvvvv

my name is seth gordon, i’m 31 years old and 1 of 7 sons. i’m smack in the middle and i severely suffered from middle child syndrome.

31 years ago, i was born in rural alabama to a white, military father and a black, hard-as-rocks mother. i had your typical, strict military upbringing. my dad was hard on us from the jump and refused to acknowledge the fact that at the time, he had 4 black sons (to have 3 more). i still don’t think he realizes that to this day, he raised 7 black men to hate themselves, but that’s not what this post is really about. i can write an entire critical essay on how much my fathers obliviousness to race and racism ruined my and my brothers psyches, but anyway. 

growing up in the deep south, meant we encountered racism every single day. a lot of it was severe and ultimately, barely acknowledged. to my dad, we were white (which was odd in itself because he was ostracized by everyone around him for marrying my mom) - to my mom, we were hers, but undeniably black. to her family, we were mixed. it was confusing in the household, to say the least. 

while we were accosted at school, bullied, and harassed, my dad had the usual macho-man response of ‘punch ‘em back’ and ‘none of my sons will get beat by some scrawny kids’. if you didn’t punch back, then you were a pussy. 

i, was a pussy. (for many things, but we’ll get there)

my mom, on the other hand, tried her best - bless her fuckin heart. when he wasn’t home, she’d do her best to remind us what we looked like, what we were, and that people wont ever treat us right. she wasn’t wrong, not there, not in that town. 

what was ironic about it all, was while she was trying to get us to understand that being black wasn’t wrong, that it was something to be aware of, yes, but also to be proud - being ‘queer’ was out of the question. 

to start, i was a sensitive kid. that alone was enough to have my older brothers mock me, call me names. when i cried, it got worse. i vividly remember my dad gripping my arm, shaking me, and getting in my face to ‘stop crying like a girl’. i was called queer, i was called fag, i was ostracised by my family - all for crying, all for being ‘sensitive’. i was 6? 7? i was young. a child. 

i learned early. 

as i got older, all the homophobia i’d encountered from my family assuming, made me hate myself for more than just being black, but being whatever i was, too. as i started realizing that boys looked just as good as girls, i became the worst version of myself possible and when my parents divorced, it only festered. 

middle child, remember that? when my dad left, my mom was the only income. she had 7 kids, 7 boys to take care of. my youngest brother was a toddler, my oldest a junior in high school. the older kids were tasked with taking care of the youngest and while my older brothers were working, succeeding in school, making sure the youngest succeeded too, i was left somewhere in between. i was a menace. i created problems in every single fuckin way i could. i wanted attention, i wanted love, i wanted someone to take care of me, too. but i was in middle school and deemed able to take care of myself, so i did. 

i continued to, even as my older brothers went off to college and pursued careers, and i was the last to take care of the kids. i put my mom through the ringer and i had no real prospects. i was getting into fights, smoking weed every day, getting involved with girls, partying, drinking. my second oldest brother pulled me over at the beginning of my senior year and told me that i needed to get out.

he thought it would help - to be away from family, away from my dad, away from the toxicity i’d grown to only know. for a long time, i thought he was stupid. so stupid to think that someone like me, someone with my temperament, my habits, my ability to seek out trouble in every fuckin way i could, should be trusted on my own at college. 

turns out, it was the best advice he could’ve ever given me. 

because i was accepted to psu on a hope and a fuckin prayer. 

i get more into my time at psu here*. it details my drug abuse, my addictions, my severe homophobia, and my path to accepting myself as a bi man. i don’t really feel comfortable explaining that all here, on this public page. but if you would like to read more, you can click the link.* 

anyway, all of that was thanks to wymack and surprisingly, minyard as well. they helped me realize that i could get better, i could be better, that i could overcome the thick fog id lost myself in. 

which brings me to here, today. 

the title of this post is happiness? i asked myself wtf happiness was for the majority of my life. after my undergrad, i questioned if i was happy, every single day. i still do, sometimes. 

you all know me as happy-go-lucky seth; the memester; the goofy guy that is in all actuality, older than the majority of tfn, but treated like the younger brother. maybe, some of you see me as immature. maybe, you think im lying about my age, or that i really am just a happy fuckin guy. 

i am happy, most of the time; so long as im distracted, working, partying, playing music, or helping my friends. but thats really all it is. i need to be busy, in order to forget how unhappy i find myself, sometimes. 

that is, until now. 

relationships are weird - hard to explain. but for me, finding someone i found complete comfort in became important, it became a blessing and i’m not even slightly religious. but that’s what this feels like. 

as many of you know, i’m in a relationship now and maybe im just honeymooning, but by fuck im happy. i havent been able to find solace in quiet for over a decade, full self-acceptance in a lifetime, until i truly met him.

none of you have to know his name, or who he is. but it was in meeting him, someone so like myself with similar struggles and experiences, that i was able to realize that i can love myself. that i have the ability to be proud of who i fucking am, and that i can drop the fucking facade of happiness and actually be happy. 

maybe it’s sappy. 

sounds like it. 

feels like it. 

it is. 

but it was in meeting him, that i learned to have real pride, with no lingering hate dancing around the back of my mind. it was in meeting him, that i learned to accept all aspects of myself and make sure everyone felt just as good as i do.

people like me have the ability to grow. they have the ability to overcome and learn from past mistakes. i was a horrible fucking person for the majority of my life. most of the people i knew wouldn’t even recognize who i am now. doesnt matter that i was a kid, or in college and overcoming grief and ingrained self-hate. i grew, i overcame. i found people that care about me, accept me for the man i am today.

i wish i met them sooner. i wish i’d listened to them sooner. maybe i could've avoided hurting people i hadn’t meant to hurt. 

maybe i could’ve avoided hurting myself, for this long. 

but im finally here and that feels good to say. i found happiness. 

im happy. 

- seth

ooc: * = links to the chapter, where seth goes more into detail with his college experiences, addiction, and past relationships. 

[acommonloon]

We met Daniel and Diana yesterday at a pub.  Not the one pictured, though I’ll wager they’d like Pints & Union well enough.  They might have even gotten around to telling us about their role in Britain’s Most Terrifying Ghost Stories.  Go on then give it try.  D played it just now and said, “See I told you there are ghosts!”  

The long and short of it is, we met an English couple yesterday and got on well with them.  They left us their e-mail, phone number, and address, requesting we contact them.  When I pulled the paper from my back pocket this morning I couldn’t decipher Dan’s handwriting and asked D.  She’s a bit of a super sleuth on the internet and in no time found Dan is a personage of note in England and their family was featured in the docudrama above.  

Knowing what I know now, I’m not sure I want to contact them....read on if you want to see how this played out.

I was sitting by myself at BJ’s bar attached to the Oxmoor shopping mall next to the ultra hip Apple store.  It’s a large restaurant with soaring ceilings rich wood finishings and a nice long bar.  I only go there when we need something at that mall but they do brew their own beer and have a good guest lineup.  As I sipped their Abbey Quad, really good, I looked over their menu, also really good.  Especially since we’ve been dieting for the last two months.   I’ve eaten at BJ’s a couple of times before and their food was surprisingly good.  I mean, other than it being a chain restaurant attached to a shopping mall, there’s no good reason to not go there.  

Anyway, I was bar flying while D shopped when I heard an English voice ask the bartender if they had a lager.  WTF?  I flashed back to English Nick who used to come into the Fireside and order Budweiser in the bottle.  He said it was because he traveled so much and it was reliably consistent.  I teased him it consistently sucked but to each his own.

I was intrigued by the Englishman and glad I’d not attempted to engage the fellow on my left who was dressed in full UK regalia.  That’s University of Kentucky Wildcats not United Kingdom.  I wasn’t much tempted though.  I suspected he’d take off his blue UK cap and replace it with a red MAGA cap after the game.  I shouldn’t stereotype.   

Still, I refrained from accosting the Englishman.  We’d two empty seats between us and I wasn’t even 100% sure he was English.  Once, a man from South Africa expressed offense when I’d asked if he was English.  We were soon enough bar buddies but I learned to be more careful.  When the bartender asked the man how he liked the light lager, I listened carefully at his reply.  Yeah, he was English.  However, I couldn’t very well shout at him and moving closer could definitely been seen as “too” friendly a move.  So I sat there and wondered, what brings an Englishman to Louisville in February?

Just then D popped in taking the seat on my right.  As she ordered her Margarita, I whispered, “That man’s an Englishman and he’s drinking a lager.” Oh really? she responded brow raised.  I knew she missed the significance of an Englishman ordering a lager in America but, never mind.  Soon enough, Mrs Englishman showed up with a small shopping bag.  Now she was next to D and the great divide had been crossed.

Once there was a break their conversation, I leaned in and asked if they were English.  “Oh no, we’re French!” she said and we all laughed.  Soon we were introduced.  Diana had more shopping to do so she excused herself while we ordered lunch.  Dan said they were visiting Louisville for a Consortium of Endowed Episcopal Churches held at the Omni Hotel.  They were members of the Chichester Cathedral in Sussex, England and Dan hurried on to say it was one the few cathedrals visible from the sea and it had been under roof continuously for nearly 1000 years.  Wow  

We’d spent three years exploring England but never made it to Sussex but my awe for English history was evident.  Dan was the typical charming self deprecating Englishman and we had a nice conversation about places in England we’d both visited and lived.  He suggested we should not sell America short and we agreed but said England would always be special for us.  He said he’d write down his contact information and we should let them know the next time we were in London.  Diana returned and after lunch we bid them goodbye and wished them a safe trip back home. 

When I pulled the sheet, he’d torn from a tiny notebook, out of my pocket I realized his handwriting was the shaky scrawl of a man born in 1944.  I nearly wrote it off as a lost cause but D said she’d give it a try and in no time, she found that Dan was not only a well-know champion for his church but was chairman for a group know as “The City For Britain” and a director for “Vote Leave.”  In other words, Daniel was a Brexiteer of the first order.  

While I liken Brexiteers to those Americans who are afraid of immigrants who don’t look like them, I recognize that’s probably too simplistic.  I noted in his biography, Dan has a Masters in Philosophy among other degrees from Oxford so he is a learned person and part of me would like to engage him in a conversation to try to understand his position in regards to Brexit.  Then I remember as we began to get to know each other, I said I’d like to buy his next beer, and if he was having one, did he want to stick with the lager he’d first ordered.  He said he’d be delighted and he’d ordered it because, “Really then you know what you’re getting don’t you?”  

That statement says much about the kind of person you are.         

[itsmyusualphannie]

something wrong in the village

Chapter 2/5: exodus Beta: @candanandphilnot Rating: T Warnings: None Read on ao3

Summary: Fiona Lester has a secret. Dan Howell thinks they hate each other. Dan meets an online friend and comes to realize something important about himself while juggling a changing relationship with his parents, friends, and Fiona.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

"But Mum!"

"Don't 'But Mum' me!" Dan's mum stood in front of the dining table, fists clenched on her hips like a warrior preparing to charge into battle. "You know what I said yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that!"

Dan slumped in his seat, eyebrows furrowed furiously. His arms were crossed, shoulders hunched as he scowled up at his mum. "I've been planning to go for months! You can't just stop me from going, I have plans!"

"I am not stopping you from going," she barked, "but if you keep on like this, then I will. I said you could go on Sunday and not the entire weekend!" She whirled to her husband, who was sitting demurely as he munched on toast. "Back me up!"

Dan's dad glanced up, gaze flicking between both of their set stances. He sighed. "Dan, just because it's been three weeks since your suspension doesn't mean you're not grounded. I'm sorry, but you should have thought about this before you decided to tussle with a girl. In class, no less."

Dan's mum nodded in approval, but then her eyes narrowed, so he hastily added, "Anyone, I mean. Tussled with anyone."

"Fiona isn't grounded!" Dan burst out, but he shrank back into his seat when his mum's dangerously-slitted gaze swivelled to him.

"You're not going with your friends," she said with an air of finality. "I'll take you up there Sunday morning and you can spend all day there, but you're not staying the entire weekend. That's the day when your favourite band is playing anyway. You'll be home by midnight. And that's my decision. You can either accept it or not go at all."

Dan shoved his half-eaten plate away from him with a clatter, and then he stormed to his room. His lip stung with his effort to stay silent, teeth digging into it. He threw himself down upon his bed once he got there, the surge of fury he'd been maintaining throughout that entire conversation now beginning to fade once he had a few rooms and a slammed door between him and his parents.

This annual weekend festival was the biggest music event of the year, at least for Dan. He had been looking forward to it the instant he'd left last year's festival, head whirling and heart pumping dangerously from the thrill of the drumbeats. He'd planned for months with his friends, their car ride and clothes and snacks sorted down to the last detail. Sure, they weren't all the closest of friends, but they were mates who liked the same sort of music that Dan liked, and that really all that mattered. One of them had an older sister who was going to the festival and she'd offered her car as a ride for the small group of friends, so it had all finally fallen into place.

It was all for nothing, now. Dan couldn't go with them. The comradery of the trip would be meaningless if Dan showed up on the last day of the festival. The others would have already bonded and had fun without him, and Dan doubted that he'd be seamlessly accepted into the group once he'd missed most of the action. Sure, Muse was Dan's favourite band, but they certainly weren't the only band he liked. He'd miss two full days worth of bands and singers.

It was Wednesday, and Dan had been alternating between arguing and pleading for the past week to convince his parents to let him go on Friday. He doubted it would happen now, with only one day between him and the first festival day.

Dan got up and opened his door just to slam it again. His mum's voice rose somewhere in the house, but he flipped the lock and ignored her. He crossed the room and threw himself into his seat at the desk, yanking open his laptop.

It took less than ten seconds to send a quick can't go friday, parents are fucking arses. b there sunday to his mates' group chat, and then he closed it out and resolved to ignore them until the day actually came. A small part of him whispered that maybe, just maybe, they would be glad he wasn't coming. They'd have more fun without him anyway.

Dan opened his browser. With slow fingers, he tapped in a website URL. Before he'd even gotten five characters typed, the browser auto-filled the rest. He had, perhaps, been visiting this website multiple times a day for the past few weeks. It wasn't even a porn website.

It loaded, bright colours immediately assaulting Dan's vision. He blinked away the spots that invaded his sight, mousing over the page to click on the uppermost right corner, a speech bubble that had been revealed after a few mutual messages back and forth with a certain correspondent.

The FRIEND chat function opened. A message was waiting for him, the sender 'amazingphil.' Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and clicked on his chat with Phil.

Agree to disagree, read the message in a bubbly font. or! just agree. think about it: a shiba inu and corgi mix. I'd lose my mind

Dan huffed a laugh without meaning to do so. He hadn't meant to keep talking to this 'Phil,' but he'd been intrigued by the enthusiastic and carefree way the other boy talked. They'd shared many common interests and disagreed on just as many, but both provided topics with which they could converse. Some topics lasted a few days of conversation, while some only a few lines in the chat. Dan had long ago lost his resolve that this was a bot, or that he was simply doing this just to be ironic. He'd never before found it so easy to just...talk to someone.

sure, Dan typed as a response to Phil's message. ngl if i saw a shiba inu/corgi puppy i would die for it

He sent the message, then hastily added, what would the mashup name be tho, shorgi? corgi inu? coriba?

He scrolled back up their chat after sending that one, glancing over their past messages as he went. Dan thought, maybe, if he and Phil ever met, he could probably use some of these as blackmail for eternity.

What's wrong with it? read one of Phil's messages from Monday. it's just easier that way, you don't get crumbs or chocolate all over your fingers

it's HELL. biting into a kitkat without breaking it is just wrong. i don't think i can speak to you anymore

Dan snorted a laugh and shook his head, continuing to go further up through their chat history.

i killed a plant this morning :(

wtf, Dan had replied. This had been last Friday, the first day Dan had begun begging his parents to let him attend the full festival. He hadn't been in the best of moods then, either, but it had at least been better than today.

i didn't mean to! i saw a cute boy and accidentally stepped on a sunflower :((

Dan remembered his hesitation then, his long pause at the open way Phil had typed that. Maybe Phil hadn't found it that easy, maybe he had agonized over the message before sending it. Dan had no way of knowing. Not for the first time since he'd started talking to Phil, Dan had hurt with the desire to see him in person and just talk. He'd replied with a simple wow, disaster

:'( Phil had replied, and that would have been the last message on the topic, but Dan's fingers had suddenly worked faster than his brain and he'd typed disbelievingly, wait, how tf did you step on a sunflower. aren't they fucking massive or summat?

D': it was a baby sunflower!! it's even worse

you're a monster, Dan had typed. His heart had stepped up a few beats as he'd added no more looking at cute boys for you. they're all mine now

nooo that's the only good part of my terrible days, Phil had bewailed, and Dan remembered that he had laughed out of the sheer thrill of it, the casual acceptance of a stranger on the internet.

A ping! sounded from the browser and a tiny alert appeared. New messages! it declared. Scroll down to view them.

Dan scrolled down to view them.

shorgi! Phil had answered Dan's query about the hypothetical mix-breed puppy. no, shinorgi, he'd added a moment later. Even as Dan was reading them, another message popped up. Actually these probably already exist. I'm going to look them up, wiat

wiat, Dan mocked the typo, but he waited. Phil sent a picture a moment later, a beautiful golden-haired puppy with a curling tail. It had a wide smile directed at the camera, eyes bright and intelligent.

I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. WHAT A GOOD BOI, replied Dan instantly, abandoning his aesthetic use of all lowercase spelling.

SAME, Phil enthused.

Dan considered punching his computer or himself, just to get the image of the puppy away from him. Nothing that adorable should exist in this world. Humanity didn't deserve it.

i want to eat him, Phil added.

weirdo, typed Dan, but he knew what Phil meant, and wasn't that the strange thing about all of this? It had been three weeks since they'd started talking, and Dan knew what he meant.

I have to do homework now, popped up another message from Phil. send me some doggo pics to help me through these hard times.

Dan rolled his eyes, but he opened another browser and searched for cute dog pics, and he downloaded them, and he sent them to Phil.

He didn't realize he'd been smiling ever since he'd opened this chat.

~~~

Heat seared the back of Dan's neck as he weaved his way between milling, chattering groups. Music was a dull roar in the background, temporarily drowned out by the loud discussions all around him. The ground thrummed in the beat, beat, beat rhythm of the drums and the crowd's stomps in the Pit Stage.

Dan had just left the Pit Stage. Two of his friends were still there, jostled between screaming fans of The Prettyboys and doing their fair share of jostling as well, but Dan hadn't been feeling the usual buzz that came with listening to furious tunes. It had been just a little too frenzied, so Dan had simple squirmed his way from the heaving, bellowing throng, and made his way outside.

He didn't know where he was headed next. The rest of his friends were in the Dance tent, but Dan had had enough of flailing teenagers doing their best to embody their favourite dancer, so he wasn't going back after the disaster earlier.

"Sorry, sweetie," slurred a pink-haired woman as she bumped into him. Her makeup was sweating under the glare from the sun directly overhead, a more grotesque facsimile of the liquid pooling in Dan's armpits and making its way down his back. The woman disentangled herself with someone's picnic basket on the ground and left Dan, offering him a friendly parting wave and then chugging directly from the flask in her other hand.

Dan swiped ineffectually at the smear of sweat she'd left on his shirt sleeve, but then he gave up and continued on. He would go to the Main Stage, he decided. Muse would start in a little less than an hour and that's where they would be playing, so he might as well.

He'd arrived at the festival only four hours before, his mum dropping him off with a cheerful wave and a "call if your friends can't bring you back tonight!" and then a sterner "and you'd better be home by midnight," but Dan's stamina had worn down quickly. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of time spent throwing himself into every band's time on the different stages, unlike his friends, who had been here since Friday morning, or if it was the suffocating heat, or that he hadn't heard from Phil since yesterday morning. Sure, it had only been one day, but ever since they had started talking, they hadn't missed a day of communication. In any case, Dan's energy had dwindled, his feet ached, his stomach growled, and he wanted to curl up in the shadow of the nearest unused boombox and take a nap.

The grass bristled beneath his feet as he trudged toward the Main Stage. Despite the thousands of people packing it into the dirt beneath their feet, it was stubborn still. A few people had even spread blankets on the grass and were sprawled across them, sunbathing or just resting surrounded by the sparse crowd. Dan was almost jealous, as he could be doing the same if his mum had let him come Friday with the supplies he'd planned, but then, he didn't fully understand the appeal of willingly sacrificing oneself to be roasted beneath the scorching rays when a breeze, albeit a small one, could be obtained by simply walking and flapping his shirt back and forth every-so-often.

The crowds thinned as Dan walked further from the Pit Stage, but began to grow in size again as he neared the Main Stage. He was bumped into with every few steps he took, and while most people weren't as drunkenly apologetic as the previous woman, they let him sidle past.

His phone buzzed as he passed the entrance to the Main Stage. He finagled it from his pocket, wiping sweat on his jeans to swipe at the screen. It was a text from one of his friends to the group chat, asking where everyone was.

Muse in 40 mins! said the message. let's meet at the front b4 we miss good spots.

Dan didn't bother answering, slipping his phone back into his pocket instead. They would find him soon enough, probably.

It wasn't that Dan didn't want to be around his friends, it was that...well, yeah, he didn't want to be around his friends. He had an awful ache gnawing at him, the feeling that his friends were having the time of their lives and Dan was most definitely not having any time of his life. It might have just been that Dan had been looking forward to this for an entire year and the experience wasn't living up to his expectations. Perhaps it was because he hadn't watched Muse perform yet and the experience wouldn't truly begin until then.

 An elbow thudded into Dan's side, interrupting his ruminations. He winced and leaned away, willing to let the person go past him and further into the stage area, but he was only jabbed again, and then once more.

"Ow," Dan finally complained, and he turned toward his assailant, and then. He stopped. He blinked. He breathed. "What are you doing here?"

Fiona scoffed at him. "Everyone in fucking England is at the festival right now, either here or in Leeds. As if I wouldn't be."

Dan recoiled, but he couldn't recoil very far. He hit the mass of bodies and came right back to his original position. "But you - " There was absolutely nothing that could have made this day any worse than it already was. 

"What are you doing here?" Fiona retorted. Her hair was in a high ponytail, but it was bedraggled, falling in damp strands around her face. Moisture beaded on her forehead and upper lip.

She looked disgusting, Dan decided. "I'm in fucking England too, aren't I?" he snapped. Another biting remark was on the tip of his tongue, but a guitar sang noisily in the distance, interrupting him, and the electric twang brought him back to his surroundings and out of his focus fully directed at Fiona.

"I'm not talking to you," Dan decided. He made to turn his back on her, but the hairy chest of a burly man was right in his eye line, so he turned back toward her and crossed his arms instead. "I'm here to have fun," he announced, even though he had not had any of that all day. "You're just going to ruin it, so kindly piss off."

She looked unimpressed. "As if I want to be talking to you, Hobbit boy. I'm just waiting for my friends to get here."

Dan glared. The insult hit home, making its way right to the curls on Dan's head. "I'm waiting for my friends to get here," he said but regretted it as soon as he said it. Repeating what she said was a useless insult. He fished frantically in his mind for something with a little more bite, but Fiona beat him to it.

"You? Friends?" She laughed heartily, clutching her stomach and throwing her head back.

Dan did not look at the long, pale column of her neck. He did not look at the reddening patches of bare arm where her loose, eye-searingly bright shirt left little protection from the smouldering sun. He definitely did not look at the tiny freckles sprouting on her cheeks, prompted by the heat.

When she finished chortling, Dan pointed out, "Your laugh looks so stupid. You poke your tongue out, like this." He demonstrated grotesquely, biting down on his tongue and crossing his eyes.

Fiona just laughed again. "I do not."

She did.

Dan's phone buzzed again. He scowled at Fiona and pulled it out, accepting the escape. It was just another excited message about Muse from one of his friends, but Dan tapped languorously on his phone for a good few minutes, attempting to appear absorbed. He hoped Fiona would leave.

She didn't.

"Why are you still here?" he finally snapped up at her, shoving his phone back into his pocket with more force than it necessarily warranted.

"I literally just told you, I'm waiting for my friends. Besides, it's clearly annoying you. As if I'd go anywhere else when I could annoy you."

Dan sneered at her. She sneered right back.

They couldn't find much else to say, insults exhausted, for now, so they stood in silence, or whatever could be interpreted as silence with the distant scream of instruments and the loud babble of conversations around them. Dan's phone didn't really interest him, but he pulled it out again anyway, checking for updates about his friends' locations or how close they were from him. The closest of his mates was still a few minutes away, caught up in the straggling edges of the massive crowd centred around the Main Stage.

"You like Muse?" Fiona asked abruptly, and Dan almost jumped. He hadn't forgotten she was there, but he had expected her to respect the mutual silence.

"Yes," he said though, shortly, and opened the Tumblr app. He'd only scrolled through a few posts before he was interrupted again.

"What's your favourite album?"

Dan squinted at her. "Why the fuck do you care? What, are you going to find some way to mock me for it?"

She rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "I'm just trying to make conversation, jackass. I'm bored."

"So? We haven't had a conversation in like…" Dan actually had to stop and think about that, "...I dunno, four years. When we talked about how my clothes sucked and then you pantsed me."

Fiona cackled. It was a truly malicious, rolling laugh that made something squirm in Dan's gut. He took it for disgust. It couldn't be anything more. "Ah," she said. "That was funny. You were wearing Winnie the Pooh boxers, I remember. I bet you still have them."

"I don't still have them," lied Dan.

"You do," she assured him. "So what's your favourite album?"

Dan considered answering it, but his suspicions were too great to allow him to freely give away such information. "What's yours?"

"Absolution," she said easily.

Dan did some more consideration and finally, he reluctantly allowed, "Origin of Symmetry."

Fiona nodded slowly, and something hopeful began to sprout in Dan's chest, but it was stifled upon her next words. "Absolution is better."

Dan scoffed and lifted his phone again, ready to continue scrolling, but Fiona added, "But Origin of Symmetry is probably my next favourite. Good taste."

He couldn't help his suspicious glare directed at her. "You're being weird," he finally decided. She was. Their insults were at usual par, but Fiona was acting differently, somehow. Dan couldn't quite put his finger on it. The crinkles around her eyes were less prominent, maybe, or her shoulders might be less tense as she talked to him. Something small seemed to have shifted in her, and Dan wasn't quite sure whether he liked it or not.

Fiona shrugged easily. "'M not being weird," she said. "I'm just relaxed. You can't punch me in a crowd full of people, you'll get tossed out of the festival."

"Neither can you," said Dan.

She waved a flippant hand. "I wouldn’t punch your filthy face anyway, I just did my nails."

Dan couldn't help a disbelieving stare at said nails, but he saw nothing other than the usual chewed cuticles and ragged nails. He would have been truly shocked if she had. Dan had never known her to paint her nails, not once since he'd known her. Makeup didn't seem to interest her either, as Dan had seen her wearing it maybe two or three times. It would be bizarre, he thought, to see her eyelashes as any colour other than their pale golden hue.

Dan wrenched his thoughts from Fiona's eyelashes. What the fuck.

Someone else jostled Dan, squirming past him to sprawl an arm over Fiona's shoulders. He was a little shorter than Fiona, with short red-gold hair and an easy grin that matched Fiona's. "Hey my little dude!" he enthused, rubbing his knuckles over her head and knocking loose another handful of strands to dangle around her face. "Finally found you!"

Fiona shoved him off of her, but a grin had spread across her face at the assault. "Get off, Martyn. Where's Cornelia?"

"She's hauling the cooler. We got beer - " It was at this moment that the man caught sight of Dan watching them, so he hastily corrected himself to " - water, that is," and winked, as if there was literally any liquid other than alcohol or sweat at the festival.

"That's Dan," Fiona said coolly, and made no move to introduce Martyn, but that was fine because Dan already knew her older brother. One couldn't have a mortal enemy without knowing their family members, after all.

"Ah, Dan," said Martyn, and winked again.

"Stop," Fiona complained. She shoved him again. "Go help Cornelia, you nutter."

He left, shouldering his way through the crowd, and Dan barely waited until he was gone before repeating, "Friends," in the same tone that Fiona had used earlier when mocking Dan's friends.

Fiona didn't look intimidated. "Just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be friends, too."

"At least I have actual friends," said Dan, feeling like he was lying once more. This one felt bitter in his mouth, a reminder that he felt utterly alone at this concert. This brief repartee with Fiona was the most alive he had felt in hours.

A shrug. "Whatever floats your tiny little boat," she said. She stood on tiptoe to peer over the people beside her. The gesture only served to remind Dan that, while he stood securely over six feet tall, Fiona was only an inch below him. She towered over most other girls her age, tall and lanky and too clumsy for her own height. It might be considered endearing - if Dan didn’t despise her.

"Ah, there they are," she chirped, evidently catching sight of Martyn and Cornelia. She dropped back down and smirked at Dan. "See you at school tomorrow, Hobbit Howell."

Dan's voice failed him at the worst possible moment, at the time she was finally leaving. He had no witty parting remark, no snappy comeback as she ducked her way between two jostling shirtless guys. He could only watch her leave, mouth gaping uselessly as he floundered for something biting to hurl after her. Nothing came to him, so he had to just stare purposelessly as she vanished from sight.

As if they had been waiting for Dan to be free from the hold of his mortal enemy, two of Dan's friends arrived via a pack of rowdy teenagers, making their way toward Dan. One of his mates reached out and snagged his arm to haul him further inside the Main Stage. "Come on, man, we've got to get a good place before it starts!" he yelled over the growing crescendo of the crowd. 

Dan cast one look back over his shoulder where Fiona had disappeared, and then he followed his mates further into the people crushing ever closer to the stage. A crash of cymbals preceded his entrance and the crowd roared a unanimous approval.

Muse was here.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

[hopeymchope]

Literally everything that happens in Fate/Extra - Last Encore

Episode 1

Hakuno: grrrrrrrr..............

Viewers: Well ..... this looks nothing like the Fate/Extra game .......

Shinji: Hey there, “friend!” I'm an asshole!

Misao Amari: And I’m his girlfriend who’s here to help ever-so-slightly diffuse what an asshole Shinji is!

Shinji: HEY!

Twice Pieceman: *Sinister, shadowy cameo that might qualify as super-vague foreshadowing*

Kirei Kotomine: *Sinister, shadowy cameo that goes totally nowhere because this is my entire role in this series* OKAY I’M OUT

Nero: philosophy philosophy philosophy umu i'm CUUUUTE (with flirting) Hakuno: confused philosophy philosophy? philosophy philosphy?? Rin: Surprise philosophy! That's right, Tohsaka is in this series!

Episodes 2-3

Nero: Gratuitous bath scene with bouncy, only mildly obscured nudity!

Hakuno: ... too angry to care

Shinji: SURPRISE! IM ACTUALLY NOT AN ASSHOLE THIS TIME!  AND I BROUGHT SOME CAMEOS FROM GRAND ORDER!

Servant Cameos: Yo

Shinji: Ahhh... so, unfortunately, me being sympathetic for a change is the biggest twist in the whole series, so don’t expect too much from here on out.

Rin: Pragmatic philosophy!

Shinji: Utopian philosophy!

Nero: FIGHTING! TIME TO-oh woops it’s over hope you didn’t blink

Shinji: Congratulations, assholes; you just saved the last dangling bits of humanity from experiencing world peace. Bully for you.

Hakuno: meh

Nero: umu

Episodes 4-5

Robin Hood: Hi kids! Friendly reminder that I'm kind of a douchebag in “Fate” lore! Sir Dan: gravelly philosophy philosophy Hakuno: ANGRY PHILOSOPHY? DEAD FACE!! BURN MY DREEEAAAAD Rani: Hi I came for a glorified cameo where I speak like seven lines total for the whole series, everybody cool with that? Rin: ...does that mean this is the ‘Rin’ route?

Rani: Not really

Nero: And another fight scene that lasted less than a couple minutes. ... what a disappointment.

Hakuno: Must be how Shinji’s girlfriend feels...

Rani: philosophy

Nero: damn right with that philosophy

Episodes 6-7

Nursery Rhyme: Did you know this was animated by Shaft? Bc if you didn't here's two eps of MIND-NUMBING WITCH LABYRINTHS STRAIGHT OUTTA MEDUKA MEGUCA, Rin: wandering through trippy-ass backgrounds with calm philosophy Nero: wandering through trippy-ass backgrounds with energetic, curious philosophy? (and flirting) umu! Hakuno: wandering through trippy-ass backgrounds with angry/confused philosophy?!

Misao Amari: Hey can I get a fuckin uuuuuhhhh intensely sympathetic backstory and then disappear after barely existing in this thing

Nursery Rhyme: philosophy with PUELLA MAGI

Episode 8-9

Julius: BOY!!! YOU PATHETIC WORM!

Hakuno: ...jeez dude i thought i was angry but you-

Julius: LET ME LECTURE YOU ABOUT NIETZCHIAN PHILOSOPHY!! Hakuno: defiant... STILL WAY ANGRY... PHILOSOPHY!!! Female Hakuno: Btw the female Hakuno from the Fate/Extra game is the canon Hakuno now. Even though you're a dude. Because you're just a reincarnation of me mixed with dead peeps' grudges so now you have a dick and also anger issues. Not sure if they’re related. But aside from those two things you’re the same person as me. You’re me with a penis and rage. Hakuno: ....confusion about my gender identity... ? and confusion about philosophy.... ?

Episode 10

Rins #1-12 and Ranis #1-6: *ATTACK* Nero: Umu, I am increasingly confused! ( with flirting ) Viewers: SO THE FUCK ARE WE Rin: philosophy Rani: more philosophy Nero: umu philosophy ( with flirting )

Rin: Hakuno, we told you that you had to choose one of us to save and one to let die and you tried to save us both, wtf

Hakuno: I thought this was an anime? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Break the rules and win at everything with the power of friendship and shit?

Rin: NOPE. your reward is that you watch one of us die hahahaha! it’s my route now, bitch.

Rani: ....fail.

Hakuno: philosophy - but now calm and determined

Episode 11-12

Gawain: *struts in looking smooth as fuck* Let me tell you some pretty gay philosophy about my stud of a master Rin: Did I mention that the bad guy behind everything is Twice Pieceman? Hakuno: Who the fuck is Twice Pieceman? Rin: He had like two lines in the first episode I think? He was kept in shadow? He looked like generic lab-coat man #17 if that helps. Hakuno: ....it doesn’t Rin: You'd know more if you played the PSP game Leo: even gayer philosophy Rin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Leo: attacking while YELLING PHILOSOPHY

Hakuno: fighting while SCREAMING PHILOSOPHY

Nero: It’s a fight scene that ACTUALLY GOES ON FOR A WHILE! Holy crap! UMU! .... (with flirting)

Special Double-Length Episode 13

Twice Pieceman: It’s the last episode so I think I’d better tell you my backstory

Nero: ANTI-UMU

Twice: And let me slowly... calmly... teach you... PHILOSOPHY

Female Hakuno: Listen Peace-Man, I know you want to destroy humanity because people are a waste and all that, and honestly, I don’t even hate you for that. In fact, I get it and I sympathize.

Hakuno: ....where are you going with this.....

Female Hakuno: Just because I don’t agree with Twice’s philosophy, that doesn’t mean I need to be angry about it.

Nero: ... I mean... performer, I don’t want to tell you ow you should feel, but... it kinda does mean that?

Rin: Yeah he wants to destroy the entire species that everyone here is a member of so I think you should feel more angry. Remember all that anger you were carrying when this show started?

Female Hakuno: Yeah but that was my dumb boy self. Girls are chill.

Nero: But now that you’re a boy, is it time for fighting?! (with flirting)

Hakuno: Not really

Nero: Now that this is the series finale, is it time for fighting?! (with flirting)

Hakuno, Leo and Rin: Not really

Hakuno: wait — Leo?

Leo: Yeah, so I decided I’m lowkey sympathetic now and gonna help you guys.

Hakuno: ... Shinji did it better

Rin: BRUTAL

Nero: umu

Leo: have you considered my philosophy?

Twice: what about MY philosophy?

Hakuno: philosophy i guess

Rin: philosophy?!

Hakuno: time to reset things in a super-vague way that we’ll never adequately explain or show the viewer

Nero: reset what exactly?

Hakuno: The computer inside the moon

Rin: uh-huh

Hakuno: and also humanity somehow

Leo: uh-huh

Rin: do you actually understand him?

Leo: oh, of course not.

Nero: MELT MY CLOTHES OFF! (with HEAVY HEAVY flirting)

Hakuno: Nice.

Leo: *gay silence*

Hakuno: *takes off and flies* TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!

Rin: I’ve been dead for 1,000 years but now I’m apparently alive again! In the real world! And the real world is now the computer world!  I mean... the digital world has become a physical reality? Wait we should try to expla—

END

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Rec This Thing: Panic! At The Disco Pray For The Wicked Europe Tour at AFAS LIVE

Panic! At The Disco Pray For The Wicked Europe Tour at AFAS Live 

My story: Look, in the span of less than a year I became a huge fan, so when they announced their show at AFAS Live, I was in.

Story: It’s a concert.

Rating (1 to 10): 10

Why?: After Hayley, and Troye, it was time for Panic! and lemme tell you something.

This was my favourite.

Once again, I was on my way to Amsterdam with Sammy in tow. We originally planned on going with Maikel, but tickets were sold out in seconds and he didn’t manage to grab them.

The road towards Amsterdam was wonky due to a possible terrorist attack in my country and due to faulty trains. On our way, we met up with two strangers who were also on their way to the concert. We talked about fake vegan burgers and airport security fails and of course Panic! At The Disco.

We parted ways at the entrance. It was packed. We were lucky we got there after the doors opened, because the line was so damn long that they added a second line. That line also happened to be shorter. That was our line. We still queued for a small half hour (and the police kept driving by because... y’know... possible terrorism) (it really was a terrible day for my country).

We bought merch and I got the long sleeved white shirt with High Hopes lyrics and then it was time to find a spot in the venue. Eventually, we got great balcony seats. Third row, close to the middle aisle. We had an amazing view.

*record scratch*

Wait. Hold on? You’re telling me that you could’ve found a standing place almost up front, like you did with Troye Sivan’s concert, and you didn’t?

Nope. I didn’t. For a few reasons actually:

We didn’t have to use the wardrobe.

The show was a very visual show and you could see it best from the balcony, since you could see the entire stage.

After all, Sammy and I are relatively small, so we wouldn’t be able to see shit unless we were completely front row.

I don’t like being stuck in crowds.

And the crowd was massive. It’s really confusing, cause both Troye and Panic! played sold out shows at AFAS Live but Panic!’s crowd was double the size. Ever since it got announced that Panic! got AFAS, I was very confused, because if you look at other venues of the PftW tour, they have massive venues sold out. Panic! easily could’ve played Ziggo Dome or whatever, but nope, they got AFAS. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I did consider going all the way up front so that I could hopefully give Brendon an ace flag to wear during Girls/Girls/Boys, cause that would mean the world to me, but the cons outweighed the pros and besides, I have nothing to complain about my seats. 

Especially now that I’ve seen YouTube videos from the people down at the standing room. It got hectic and loud and woah, at least I could still hear Brendon Urie himself.

The opening band was A R I Z O N A. The band, not the state. They’re from New Jersey. I wasn’t familiar with them, but by now I’ve listened to their entire discography and they’re good.

Then, it was time for an half hour long break and it was time for people to get annoying. Yup, as I mentioned, I had a great seat on the third row on the balcony. I was the first seat of that row, so no one blocked my view. It was wonderful.

But during A R I Z O N A’s set, people started leaning against the banister (is it called a banister?) of the balcony and people were crowding the steps in the aisle, aka people were blocking our views.

Sammy and I got so pissed.

Luckily, we weren’t the only ones cause the man in front of me actually told some people to leave, because they were blocking our view, but the moment those people left, new ones arrived.

So yeah, Sammy and I were pretty annoyed and then the countdown started, so we had a “well, shit, if we have to” moment, but three minutes before Panic! came on stage, security wiped the entire aisle. Everyone had to go all the way to the back to stand there behind the rows of seats.

A part of me felt a bit bad that all those people got pushed to probably the worst places in the entire venue, but man, on the other hand, Sammy and I were so damn glad.

And so, the countdown counted down (wow) to zero, while Toto’s Africa was playing, and the show started. I actually took a small video of all numbers and I put them together in a complication, excluding Girls/Girls/Boys and Bohemian Rhapsody. Those were long enough to have videos of their own.

Now, if someone’s reading this (hi), get something to drink cause this is gonna get long. When I talk about concerts, I write down the entire setlist and my thoughts on the performances, and wow, Panic!’s show was almost two hours long. 

How long? Well, someone put the full show online and it’s 1:48:20 long.

So yeah, the gorgeous purple lights turned on and Nicole (I’m gay), Mike, Dan, the horny boys and the wicked strings (I’M GAY) started playing and then Brendon arrived to start off with...

F**k A Silver Lining: We had one of those smaller stages (cause again, Ziggo Dome who??? I don’t know her!) so all those extras like Brendon jumping out of the stage didn’t happen. Luckily, the wonderfully beautiful visuals and lights were there. Silver linings came out of cannons and the show started. It was a beautiful sight, although it took me a while to realise that the images on the projections were supposed to be “motherfucking” cherries, not dicks.

Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time: Ah yes, Brendon Urie showing off his vocal range by singing random parts in falsetto. I love it and I sang along.

Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind): So delighted to hear this one, since it’s my favourite V&V song and once again, Brendon killed everyone with those high notes. They also put Mike in the spotlight, and it wasn’t the last time they did that during the show.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It!: Ah yes, Beebo. He actually showed up before the countdown. He was just chilling on stage. Anyway, I fucking loved the song.

LA Devotee: Nicole and Mike got front stage and bam LA Devotee, my favourite song from Bachelor, started playing. It was awesome.

Hallelujah: The girls in front of us lost it when the first note started playing. Brendon did his classy falsetto again and it was great.

Crazy = Genius: Hey look, fire. Anyway, this song is amazing and is it underrated? Idk? I love it so much.

The Ballad of Mona Lisa: People went apeshit when the first notes started playing. I really liked it.

Nine In The Afternoon: Where did Brendon go? Oh, he’s at the piano, aka it’s time for Nine In The Afternoon. I loved that you could hear the strings at the end so clearly.

One Of The Drunks: Ah yes, they added this song for the second leg and boy am I glad they did, since I absolutely love this song.

Casual Affair: Wow, okay. The visuals and the lights were amazing in every damn song, but Casual Affair had by far one of the best. AFAS Live became a big laser show. And nearing the end, a laser circle appeared on stage and Nicole and Mike joined Brendon in the circle. And then Brendon started singing very, very high. Probably the highest notes he’s had all evening. I was in absolute awe.

Vegas Lights: I am also so happy they did this song. I’ve loved it ever since I first listened to it and the energy in the room was so high.

Dancing’s Not A Crime: Annika from Plurk said that this song was so much fun live, and I am inclined to agree with her. This was so much fun! They did change the lyrics from “MJ up in the clouds” to someone else and the ending was also done in falsetto, which was great. Yup, yup, yup, Annika was right.

This Is Gospel: Brendon got a guitar and it was time for This Is Gospel. Now of course, this song is great and the added high notes were wonderful, but the very end was the best. After the song ended, Brendon, Nicole, Mike and Dan just jammed for one whole minute. Just music. I knew it was coming, so I filmed it.

Death Of A Bachelor: No surprise here, but Brendon told everyone he wrote it because he wanted to be Frank Sinatra. Since this is a smaller venue (... still... why...), he didn’t have to do the Death Walk, which is a good thing. It was just him and the horny boys on stage and the funk part was so much fun. Heh, horny boys. What a great pun.

It was time for a silent moment. The horny boys left the stage and Brendon started talking about he tried to learn Dutch at 3AM but he couldn’t get very far. Well, he got “Hartelijk bedankt” and “Ik hou van jullie allemaal”, and he thanked Google Translate. Anyway, he moved to the piano and he talked about how he hated it that his mum tried to teach him piano, but that he learned this song. The wicked strings returned and he started playing.

I Can’t Make You Love Me/Dying In LA: In the middle of the song, it transitioned into Dying In LA. Again, smaller stage (wtf), so the whole floating piano thing wasn’t there, but the music was obviously the same.

The Greatest Show: From a slow piano ballad to BAM this. I was not as disappointed by Panic!’s version of The Greatest Show as others, but I definitely agree that the song is much better live. Brendon sounded a bit raspy, which was great. He’d been raspy the entire show and it was great, but here it was amazing.

Girls/Girls/Boys: YES. IT’S TIME TO GET GAY. THE ONE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO. Sure, I didn’t get to show off my ace flag, but Brendon still got flooded by flags, including 2 pan flags, 1 bi flag, and 1 trans flag. He commented on how it was the most flags he’s ever gotten. I saw even more flags in the audience, so he didn’t even get all of them. The Panic! Hearts were lovely, even though there was no rainbow. There was no assigned seating, so colours were everywhere. I had an orange heart and Sammy had a blue one. It still rained glitter and I almost cried when the rainbow love banner appeared. After the song, the rainbow laser lights appeared and Brendon gave a small speech. I want to relive this moment again.

King Of The Clouds: Smoak clouded (pun intended) the stage and it was time for King Of The Clouds. Not much to say, apart from the usual: it was great and the visuals were beautiful. The purple/green/blue colour scheme at the end was mesmerising.

High Hopes: CAN I JUST SAY THAT THAT MOMENT WHERE THE WICKED STRINGS BEND BACKWARDS IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS EVER? And also, oh boy, there were some high notes at High Hopes.

Miss Jackson: Brendon lost his golden jacket and Miss Jackson started playing. He did a backflip as well.

Roaring 20s: Another song that got added for leg two and just like One Of The Drunks, I welcome this change. Yup, I was one of those “*shoves 20$ to Brendon* Add Roaring 20s to the setlist!” people. NOW ONLY THE OVERPASS AND OLD FASHIONED LEFT.

Bohemian Rhapsody: How can you not sing along with this song? It’s iconic. I love the “ending”, so I filmed that (see link above). It’s 3 minutes long.

Emperor’s New Clothes: This is the one song in all of Panic!’s discography that I have mixed feeling about. Like, there are some songs I just dislike, and some I like, and some I love. But this song? Bruh idk. I sing along from the top of my lungs, because I like the energy, but do I like the song? Well, this time I fucking did cause it was a blast to hear it live and the lights were beautiful.

Then it was time for the encore. Some poor unfortunate souls behind us left. I heard another woman saying: “Don’t ever do that. Oh, this is so stupid.” The band slowly came back to the stage and Brendon lost his shirt.

Say Amen (Saturday Night): HE HIT THE HIGH NOTE HECK YEAH. I LOVE THIS SONG.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies: Ah yes, Sammy’s favourite song, since it’s a banger according to her. Well, she’s right. I am kinda glad that Brendon didn’t ask an audience member to sing with him.

It was time for the last song. Brendon said that he’s not the smartest guy (”I didn’t even go to college”), but that he knows that everyone is important due to, well, biology. He gave one of those inspirational celeb speeches about how everyone is important to him, but also to themselves. We were all born as winners, and that stuff.

Victorious: I knew they were going to end with Victorious and it’s the perfect song to end the show. It rained confetti and it was time for them to go. I didn’t want it to end.

They all waved goodbye and Mike and Dan threw stuff to the audience (probably guitar picks and those things). The girl in the seat behind me dropped her heart before Girls/Girls/Boys and she couldn’t find it. I found it after the show. I wanted to return it, but she was already gone, so I now also have a yellow heart.

And yeah, that was it.

Overall thoughts? Well...

I can’t go into detail about the visuals, but they really added something to the overall experience, so I actually recommend getting a seat that allows you to see the full stage in its glory.

Also, Sammy said: “I can no longer listen to the recorded versions now that he’s added all those amazing high notes” and that’s a big ass mood.

To quote Sammy some more, she said something about the beautiful intermission instrumentals between songs and how she’d even buy an album filled with those. That is also a big ass mood.

To continue this trend of quoting Sammy, I agree with her that watching Brendon dance was so much fun. I like that he’s having fun.

Anyway, it was time to go. Some girls complimented me on my ace flag, which was so fucking cool. Just like with Troye, the train station was flooded and there were still many flags.

Sammy and I got the train back home and we briefly saw the girls from before, so I said hi.

And that was it. What a day.

Recommend?: Please.... I want to do this again... oh god....

[asknightqueendany]

I want to tell you this from a Sansa stan perspective. I’ve seen u mention the Vale issue where she hid it from Jon. The way I see it as that Sansa hasn’t seen Jon in years, she had to convince him to fight/come home and she had no idea how good/bad he is at fighting, she also was never close with him before, was suffering from trauma ptsd and was extremely terrified at going back to ramsay (she legit said she’d kill herself if she had to), so she basically did what she had to. Cont’d...

           Part 2- I honestly would’ve done the same thing. She knows there is no way in hell ramsay can find out abt this and she can’t tell jon bc he is too straightforward (shown when he pledged to Dany in front of cersei) and he may not have seemed as desperate to ramsay therefore giving ramsay over confidence. Now I know jon is a fan fav and ur thinking wtf she could’ve killed him. But she barely knows him? I mean she even thought arya would kill her in s7. Besides Sansa has been on her own for long..    

           Part 3- so she doesn’t have any time to leave her fate in anyone else’s hands. I think it was a last minute decision! I don’t think she wanted to go to baelish bc she knew that would be letting him back in her life. She was probably wrestling w/ the idea of doing this and ultimately decided to. I think it was smart what she did. TBH back then jon wasn’t this crazy impt part of her life, she had just reunited with him and the fear of going back to ramsay was GREATER than the fear of losing Jon!    

The Sansa/Knights of the Vale/Battle of the Bastards issue is always a hotly debated one amongst her stans and those of us who are Sansa-ambivalent.

There were a few parts of your asks anon that I didn’t entirely understand [in bold above] but I’ll try to address anyway.

Your reasoning for Sansa not telling Jon about seeking help from Baelish and the Knights of the Vale are:

Sansa doesn’t know Jon that well - “she was never close with him growing up, he isn’t crazy important to her, she doesn’t know how good/bad he is at fighting…”

She’s afraid of going back to Ramsay, said she’d kill herself before she’d let this happen.

And she was wrestling with the decision to even ask for Baelish’s help because she didn’t want to let him back into her life.

With the exception of your point about Sansa not knowing whether Jon is a good fighter or not - that’s not really relevant - anon, I think all of the above is pretty valid and generally agreed upon by most Sansa supporters and why she doesn’t tell Jon about the KOTV.

So obviously, the ordering of the episodes is incredibly important here.

We’ve got the Jon/Sansa reunion at Castle Black in 6x04, an entire episode before the Sansa/Baelish reunion in Mole’s Town in 6x05 - when Baelish tells Sansa about the KOTV being at Moat Cailin.

Jon and Sansa reunite in 6x04, it’s the first time they’ve seen family in years, they hug it out, Sansa gets cleaned up off-screen, they reconvene likely in Jon’s old office and they reminisce for a bit over soup and bad ale…but then almost immediately after reuniting, Sansa asks for Jon’s help to take back Winterfell. This is before they know about Rickon, this is before Ramsay has threatened the Free Folk Jon let south of the Wall, this is before Sansa knows Baelish has brought the Knights of the Vale North. This is before everything. Jon and Sansa haven’t been openly threatened by Ramsay yet and they have nothing but each other - no armies, no allies, nothing.

And Sansa still asks Jon to help her in that scene in 6x04.

For someone who allegedly doesn’t trust Jon, she’s already asking SO much of him. She hears in a scene off-screen that Jon assisted the Free Folk and let them south of the Wall and she immediately asks how many of them there are…hinting to Jon that she wants him to ask them to fight for her.

[Side Note] This is one of the things that pisses me off about Sansa and her stans. Daenerys gets hurled the “she’s entitled” accusation a LOT but Sansa here, in this scene with Jon, is acting SO entitled. Entitled not only to her brother’s allegiance to her and his sword - asking him to fight for her - but also entitled to the people who are possibly loyal to Jon. Sansa has never spared a second thought for the Free Folk, has never done anything to help them in any way, her story has never crossed with them at all…and yet now that she knows her brother helped them, she’s already thinking of them as potential soldiers in an army for her to take back Winterfell.

And again, at this point, they haven’t received Ramsay’s letter. They haven’t been threatened yet. And even when they do receive Ramsay’s letter, there’s still the possibility of Sansa and Jon going into exile in Essos. She’s a talented seamstress. She could be employed by some noble lady in Essos and have a comfortable living. For all she knows - before Ramsay’s letter - Rickon and Bran and Arya are dead. So why take back Winterfell? She tells Jon “We’ll never be safe” but that’s not really true. She’s got a very narrow view of the possibilities here.

Arya actually did go into self-imposed exile in Essos to become a Faceless Man - knowing there was a possibility she could be turned away - which she was at first, but she went anyway. So it was completely a possibility for Sansa as well. She just didn’t want to do that. She wanted to go home. She felt she had a right to do so. And of course, she wanted her revenge against Ramsay. Totally valid, I don’t blame her for that.

But let’s call a spade a spade.

This wasn’t for Sansa’s “safety”. Safe would be avoiding the fight altogether. Safe would be Sansa not gathering up an army of a few rag-tag Northern Houses and the Free Folk thereby painting a proverbial bullseye on her back with a sign that essentially says “Hey Ramsay, I’m right here in this military encampment, come get me.” [End of Side Note, but actually addresses anon’s second point about Sansa being afraid to go back to Ramsay…clearly, this is not the way to stay off his radar]

Getting back to the main point again, Sansa not telling Jon about the KOTV…

The whole excuse of Sansa “not trusting Jon” because she doesn’t know him that well, they were never close, etc. I think is pretty bullshit. D&D have this to say of the Jon/Sansa reunion in 6x04 in the Inside the Episode:

“The idea that after all Jon and Sansa had been through as characters that they’re finally able to put a foot back on solid ground in terms of family and somebody with whom they have a bond that runs deeper than any other bond. It was a big moment for the two of them and for us to see it played out.”

“And to learn where we’re going to go with a relationship that never really meant that much to either one of them before now means so much because at this point, they’re all that they have.”

“It’s really only the additional pull of family and finding out that Rickon Stark is still alive that forces his hand and pulls him back into this fight he was trying to step away from.

Also of note: at this point, Sansa knows Jon died. “I can’t stay here, not after what happened,” Jon tells her, “what happened” being that his men mutinied and killed him. If anyone is in further doubt that Sansa knows about Jon’s death, Tormund openly says “He died for us” when they’re negotiating with the Free Folk and Sansa doesn’t bat an eyelash. So she knows Jon died and was resurrected.

So we’ve got these two people back together, the only living family either of them have that they know of, Sansa knows Jon died, Jon knows Sansa escaped Winterfell to get away from her rapist husband. Those are MAJOR things! We’ve also got to remember, Sansa hasn’t been involved in the fantastical elements of the story thus far. She hasn’t seen magic or dragons or anything really. So to find out her brother was brought back from the dead is CRAZY. ~Honestly, I really hate that the show just glosses over that like it was as simple for Sansa to accept as, “Oh yeah, Jon had open heart surgery but he’s fully recovered now.” Like, no. This is seriously unbelievable stuff~ But regardless, Sansa knows this happened to Jon. She accepts it. We never see her question his resurrection so she must have seen his scars, spoke to Melisandre off-screen or something.

And yet, even though she knows he died, even though he’s her last living family member, even though she’s already asked him to help her take back Winterfell, Sansa doesn’t trust Jon enough to tell him about the KOTV….?

Of Sansa and Baelish’s meeting in Mole’s Town where Baelish tells Sansa about the KOTV and that they’re basically at her disposal should she ask him for his help, D&D have this to say in the 6x05 Inside the Episode:

“Sansa’s gotten pretty good at playing the game. When she sees Littlefinger though, it’s not about politics, it’s not about trying to manipulate him or anything. He betrayed her in the worst possible way and so in her mind everything that happened after that he’s to blame for it. I think it goes through her mind how satisfying it would be to see Brienne just cut him in two right here. But she doesn’t and that she doesn’t is an interesting quality of Sansa’s. That she’s started to look a couple moves ahead and she’s starting to think ‘is it possible this person will be more useful to me alive than dead?’”

“It’s funny because even as she’s trying to make a clean break with Littlefinger, Sansa is showing us the ways in which Littlefinger has shaped her way of looking at the world. With the decision not to tell Jon about the meeting with Littlefinger, with the decision not to tell Jon how she knows about the Blackfish, if she really trusted Jon, and she really was coming at this as a clean, pure Stark, she would tell the truth to her brother and the person to whom she has real allegiance at this point. For whatever reason, she holds back on that and I think that shows that Littlefinger still has some kind of a hold on Sansa.”

Granted, Dan Weiss’ line “For whatever reason” is a bit of a cop-out because it still leaves the audience wondering…okay, what is the reason? He says Baelish has a “hold” on Sansa and certainly, with what David Benioff says before about Sansa “thinking a couple moves ahead” and Baelish possibly being “useful” to her makes sense. But still, even if Baelish would be “useful” to Sansa, it doesn’t explain why she doesn’t tell Jon.

Weiss says, Jon is the only person whom Sansa has real allegiance to at this point. Yet she lies to him and manipulates him.

Going back to anon’s point about “Sansa not sure she wants Baelish back in her life” - or from what I’ve seen of some stans: Sansa doesn’t want to tell Jon about Baelish because Jon wouldn’t allow it after Baelish sold her to the Boltons, Jon wouldn’t approve, I’ve seen some people even go so far as to suggest Sansa’s afraid of Baelish…

But none of what D&D say above suggests any of that. In fact, Benioff’s quote about Sansa looking a few moves ahead indicates Sansa was already considering the offer Baelish brought to her but refused to his face because of his betrayal of her - selling her to Ramsay. She’s hurt, she feels betrayed, she knows Baelish loves her, yet she knows she needs him. Accepting his offer of help right away would make Sansa seem more forgiving than she wants to appear in Baelish’s eyes.

Or, alternatively, as suggested by Sansa’s letter, decoded above, she knew Baelish would require some sort of “reward” for his help and didn’t want to owe him, likely knowing it may even be her own hand in marriage after Ramsay’s death.

But EVEN STILL, even with everything Baelish has done, judging by Jon’s reaction after the battle “You told me Lord Baelish sold you to the Boltons…you trust him?” he wouldn’t have been opposed help from the Vale, had he known it was an offer on the table.

And this was not a last minute decision of Sansa’s. This was something she was stewing about for weeks. She had this information for a while and let’s face it, she sent this letter out to Baelish well before the battle. Again, the KOTV were garrisoned at Moat Cailin. That’s not a short distance to Winterfell. The distance as calculated HERE between Moat Cailin and Winterfell is about 350 miles. Even if it were a hundred miles, it would still take a week, longer maybe, for the KOTV to reach their destination. Not counting the travel time for the raven.

And we can’t say Sansa didn’t “know” whether or not Baelish would come through. Of course he would come through. That’s why she hesitated. Because she knew he would do whatever she asked of him. Again, she knows he’s in love with her. 

So far as Jon was concerned, if Sansa already had told Jon that Baelish was the one who brokered her marriage with Ramsay and she was afraid Jon wouldn’t want further help from Baelish because of that, Sansa could have lied and said it was her cousin Robin who was offering her his help, not Baelish. She could have made something up, anything. Baelish had gone back to King’s Landing, went to go serve the Lannisters again, whatever.

Jon knows they need all the help they can get. He’s not going to ask too many questions and he really can’t argue when there’s the promise of a mounted army of 2000 men at their disposal, especially if Sansa already has a good cover story for it - Robin Arryn, Lord Protector of the Vale, is her cousin.

There’s just really no good reason Sansa could have for not telling Jon about it. No. Reason. She lied to him about the Knights of the Vale - lie by omission - and she manipulated him using Rickon as an excuse for Jon to go to war when Sansa knew there was a very slim chance Rickon wouldn’t live.

Again, Sansa has some wins throughout GOT but she really does not impress me in the later seasons with either her attitude or her actions. She doesn’t start to put

family

first until the very last episode of Season 7 when she off-screen goes to Bran and asks for his advice on the whole Arya situation and Bran tells her Arya isn’t the one she needs to look out for, it’s Baelish. Everything before that, everything before the Baelish execution scene, Sansa is looking out for Number 1 and spends most of her screen time either undermining Jon or being sore about the fact that she’s not Queen. Sorry.

Oh yeah and, in the 6x09 Inside the Episode….

~~~Dan Weiss confirms Ramsay is Jon and Sansa’s “prisoner” after BoB~~~

Just saying…

[sanders-specs]

I’ll Be Home Chapter 3

Summary:  All Roman and Logan want to do is get home for Christmas. They’d been away from their boyfriends for months on separate jobs, and are looking forward to getting home. Neither one of them will let some blizzard get in their way, even though Patton and Virgil insist they stay put. The lengths they’ll go to get home is great, even if it means facing mother nature at her worst.

A/N: Quick storytime! So last weekend a couple of my friends (who are dating) came over and, surprise, it snowed! the only thing was one friend was supposed to come over a day before the other. One of them was so paranoid because of the snow, though the rest of us weren’t because “Oh it’s the south, we never get heavy snow!” well...we were wrong. Because of her slight anxiety of not getting to see her girlfriend, we were able to avoid the exact situation this story takes place in by my other friend coming over a day early and we all got snowed in together. 

I believe her exact words when freaking out to me was “I don’t want this to end up like your fanfic!” So yeah, that’s how this story almost became a real life situation for my two best friends. 

Warnings: Kissing, swearing, mentions of showering togehter (sexual implications? I guess?)��

Pairing: LAMP

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 

Read on Ao3 

Tag list:  @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @dan-yuna @kryspytacos @tripleaaaqueer @helloisthisusernametaken @jordandobbertin @lilbeanblr @wtf-is-a-side 

“Patton would you stop pacing? It’s not going to make anything better,” Virgil says.

“I can’t help but be worried,” Patton says, gnawing at his fingernails. Virgil sighs and gets up, stepping in Patton’s path and taking his hands away from his mouth.

“Look, it’s late, why don’t we go to bed? Both Roman and Logan have said that they won’t be here until tomorrow. The faster we go to sleep, the sooner we’ll wake up and the closer the two of them will be to being back.”

“But Roman hasn’t called yet,” Patton says with a pout.

Virgil sighs, but he knew that Patton wouldn’t budge without some kind of communication from Roman at the very least. Logan, they now knew, was hard to come by communication at the moment (why, Virgil still didn’t know). Roman on the other hand…

Patton’s phone beeped and Patton lunged for it, quickly putting in his password to unlock it. His shoulder slump slightly. “It’s Roman. He says he’s not in a good calling place right now but that we should get some sleep and that he loves us.”

“See?” Virgil says, biting back his own worry and anxiety. “Roman’s completely fine. He probably has bad reception and can’t call, or Timothy’s sleeping and he doesn’t want to wake him up. C’mon, Pat, let’s go to bed.”

Patton sighs, but he lets Virgil lead him to bed.

Patton, though worried for Roman and Logan, could see how much Virgil was keeping himself together for his sake. They were both beyond worried, and Patton figured his own agitation wasn’t helping anything. So as they were settling into bed, Patton snuggled close to Virgil and pressed kisses to his cheek and neck.

“I’m sorry, I probably haven’t been making this any better for either of us,” Patton mutters.

Virgil pulls him closer, pressing a light kiss to his forehead. “We’re both a bit stressed, Pat, I don’t blame you.”

Patton sighs, relaxing against Virgil. “On the bright side, Christmas is soon.”

Virgil chuckles. “Yeah, I finally get to give you your gift,” he says teasingly.

Patton looks up at him with wide eyes. “Ohhh what’d you get me?”

“You don’t get to know until Christmas!” Virgil exclaims.

“Aw c’mon please?” Patton begs. “Can’t I get a little hint?”

“No.”

“A peak?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“A letter?”

“Nope.”

Patton sighed and rolled over so he was out of Virgil’s arms. “Well then I’m just going to sleep over here tonight! Since you want to be mean.”

“Oh you’re going to pout now, are you?” Virgil asks in a teasing tone.

“I’m not pouting,” Patton mumbles, scooting just a bit further away from Virgil.

“Then…you wouldn’t mind if I did this!” Virgil exclaims, and suddenly Patton was being tickled all over.

“Ahhh Virgil stooppppp!” Patton squeals, rolling over onto his back to try and fight off his boyfriend.

“Never!” Virgil says, tickling him relentlessly. To make things worse, he started peppering Patton’s face with kisses, which only made Patton giggle even more.

Kiss, “That’s,” kiss, “not,” kiss, “fair!” kiss.

Virgil just chuckled smugly and started rapid fire kissing until Patton got a hold of his hands and pushed him off. “Ha!” Patton exclaims, jumping off the bed.

“Hey!” Virgil exclaims. “Get back here!”

Patton giggles as he dashes out of the bed room, Virgil on his heels. They chase each other around the living room and kitchen before Patton finally catches Virgil around the waist and wraps his arms around him tightly.

“Payback!” Patton says, staring to pepper kisses down Virgil’s neck and cheeks.

“Ugh you’re sooo meeaannn!” Virgil whines, squirming in Patton’s grip.

“You’re one talk,” Patton mutters, pressing one last sweet kiss to his cheek before letting him go.

Virgil turns, smiling at Patton, before bringing him in for a long, sweet kiss that was a lot less playful that the ones they’d shared just a moment before.

Suddenly, there was a loud honk right outside of the house, startling both boys so much that they jumped apart. For a moment, they both just stared at each other, neither of them daring to hope.

“Do you think…”

“Roman?”

At the same time, Patton and Virgil ran to the front windows and pulled back the blinds. There was, in fact, a car being pushed to the house, two figures behind it. Patton and Virgil watched as the two people stopped right in front of the house and slumped against the car, clearly exhausted.

Patton turns to Virgil with a wide grin before rushing to the door and flinging it open. One of them perked up when the door opened, and before Patton knew what he was doing, he was running outside into the snow barefoot and in his pajamas, Virgil close behind him.

“Roman!” Patton exclaims, launching himself at his boyfriend. Roman caught him, letting Patton wrap his legs around him.

“My love, I am thrilled to see you, but it’s freezing out here. Did it not occur to you to wait until I came to the door?” Roman asks, though he buried his head in the crook of Patton’s neck, his strong arms holding Patton steady.

“I don’t really care,” Patton says.

Roman’s body shakes with laughter and presses a kiss to Patton’s neck, making Patton cling tighter to him.

A moment later, another weight was added but to Roman’s back. “You scared the shit out of us!” Virgil exclaims, wrapping his arms around both Roman and Patton.

“My apologies,” Roman says, sounding very amused.

“Okay, not that this isn’t sweet and all, but it actually is freezing out here,” Timothy says, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

“Ah, yes, we should go inside,” Roman says. He hefts Patton up to make sure he doesn’t fall then walks the rest of the way inside. Virgil stayed close by, gripping Roman’s jacket like a lifeline. Once through the door, Roman lets Patton down only to be replaced by Virgil, who flings himself into Roman’s arms.

“Both of you must have a death wish,” Roman says, rubbing Virgil’s arms to get him to stop shivering.

“Well can you blame us Princey?” Virgil mutters, tightening his hold. “We missed you.”

Roman chuckles softly, pulling back only enough to free one side so he could wrap Patton in their embrace as well. “And I you.”

“Uh, Ro, are you okay, you’re kinda shivering,” Virgil says, noticing Roman’s trembling for the first time.

“The battery died in my car,” Timothy says, flopping down on the couch. “We pushed it all the way here.”

Patton smacks Roman’s chest. “Why didn’t you call us?!”

“Well we couldn’t very well leave his car,” Roman says, tightening his grip on Patton’s waist. Patton just rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Besides I told you two to go to sleep.”

“We couldn’t,” Virgil says, resting his head on Roman’s shoulder. “You should’ve called us Ro.”

“Perhaps,” Roman says, kissing the tops of their heads, “but I’m here now.”

Virgil and Patton couldn’t help but smile at that. True. At least he was here now.

“I’m really sorry to break this up, but…” Timothy’s voice trails off.

“Right!” Roman exclaims. “Timothy will need to stay the night until we can jumpstart his car.”

“Of course,” Patton says, reluctantly pulling away from Roman and Virgil in order to smile at Timothy. “I’ll make up the couch for you!”

Despite Virgil and Patton wanting to cling to Roman for the next month, he insisted that he needed a shower, as he hadn’t had a proper one in days.

“I wouldn’t mind if you joined me,” he mutters to them with a wink, “but I think it’s unfair to leave Timothy out here all on his own.”

So the two had relented and stayed out in the living room with Timothy. Patton made him a cup of hot chocolate to help him warm up until he could have a turn in the shower.

“Sorry guys,” Timothy says as he accepts a mug from Patton. “I know you probably want to be alone tonight.”

“Timothy, you got him to us,” Patton says. “Letting you stay is the absolute least we could do.”

“Besides, putting up with his ego is tiring enough,” Virgil says.

Timothy laughs at that, leaning back against the couch with a sigh. “I’m just excited to get back to my sisters…” he says, staring up at the ceiling. “One of them is in drama at her high school and she can’t stop talking about this monologue she’s been writing. She’s so excited to show it to me.”

“That’s precious,” Patton says with a soft smile. “We’ll make sure you have everything you need to get home as soon as possible tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you’ve gotta get back to your family,” Virgil agrees, nodding.

Timothy gives them a small smile. “Thanks guys.

Once Roman was out of the shower and Timothy was settled, they retreated to their room. Roman dropped his suit case and flopped onto the bed face first. “Home sweet home!” he shouts, his voice muffled as his head was buried in the sheets.

Patton and Virgil exchanged grins before both of them jumped on top of Roman, making the other gasp and try to turn over. As soon as he was on his back, Patton and Virgil started peppering his face with kisses, making Roman laugh. He wraps his arms around his boyfriends, sitting up and pulling them into his lap, upsetting their kissing advantage. Nevertheless, they laughed as Roman squeezed them tightly, swinging them gently back and forth like a child who just got a new stuffed toy.

Roman started peppering them with kisses, causing the giggling to increase. After a moment, he slowed down, giving both of them a long, slow kiss on the lips before falling back onto the bed with Patton and Virgil in his arms. The two snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of Roman in their arms again.

“I love you two,” Roman mutters. The exhaustion of being in a car for so long, plus pushing it down the street, was clearly taking its toll.

“We love you,” Virgil says, nuzzling his head into the crook of Roman’s neck.

“What he said,” Patton says, making both of them laugh. Patton, being closest to the one lamp that was on, rolled over to turn it off, only to snuggle even closer to Roman.

They grow quiet after that, all of them starting to doze off a little, but mostly they were thinking about the elephant in the room. Yes, it was good for Roman to be home, but the bed still felt a little too empty.

“I hope he’s okay,” Virgil mutters into the darkness.  

Roman hugs Virgil tighter. “Logan knows what he’s doing.”

Patton sighs, reaching across Roman’s chest to intertwine his fingers with Virgil’s. They rest flat on Roman’s chest, and both of them could feel his heartbeat. “I hope so.”

“He’ll be in touch soon loves,” Roman says with a yawn. “I’m sure of it.”

Virgil and Patton smile at Roman’s sleepy voice. They both press a soft kiss to his cheeks as he nods off. Patton squeezes Virgil’s hand in comfort. “Try to rest?” he whispers.

Virgil runs his thumb over Patton’s own. “Only if you promise.”

Patton let’s out a small laugh. “Okay.”

“Both of you sleep,” Roman mutters.

That got a chuckle out of both of them, and they press closer to him. “Yes Princey,” Virgil says mockingly. Roman’s only response was to kiss his forehead.

Eventually they all nodded off, and even though Logan was still at the front of their minds, it was the best sleep any of them had gotten in weeks.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter! I wanted to get Roman home first so the next chapter or two will focus completely on Logan! Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about him :) 

Chapter 4

[demonphannie]

dan and phil - july 2017

7/12

first week (1-7): crash bandicoot review from dan. wow phil tweets about crash bandicoot. more crash bandicoot tweets (when will they play for the gaming channel?!?!?!). thomas sanders is a darling and loves dan and phil. phil ordered pizza to the old phlat. dan and phil in YOUTUBERS REACT TO BTS (K-Pop). phil liked baby driver. new gaming video: DIL GIVES BIRTH! - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 #42. dan enjoys sharing with the internet that phil finds it stupid that dan wears a hoodie and his boxer briefs around the house. fourth of july pancake tweet #content. dan liveshow! (highlights: missing the america flight, people were doing shots on the plane, he pet a lot of dogs in la, cool fka twigs merch, dan basically just took a facebook pillow from vidcon without consent, dogs and babies make him happy, also asparagus, he doesn’t wanna give dalien to the aliens, lorde is good, also vince staples, he was nervous curling phil’s hair, dan is dumb and thinks yoi is queerbaiting, dan wants a grand piano). phil hates grapefruit. dan loves it when you call him danyul howul. phil bought a v v tall houseplant and also they have round walls. phil liveshow! (highlights: he thought it would be a smaller plant, jetlaggy, he feels a sore throat coming on, phil is not an iron man supporter, get on the right team, iron man is overrated, stop living in the past, fruity juggler, cat’s dog sigma is v v good, the next sims is a house decorating, baby driver was good, phil is a finger guns kinda guy, scary spider means it’s time to move, he took a quiz and he is a humanitarian, hamsters are my city). anthony padilla series pt i:  Stop saying we look alike! (ft. Daniel Howell). marshmallow drinks from phil. 

second week (8-14): london pride tweets from dan and phil ❤️💛💚💙💜. also dan is there in spirit and if i’m not mf crying right now??????? wow. new gaming video: STOP SEARCHING FOR THIS! - Dan and Phil Play: HIGHER OR LOWER. dan is the mom friend as confirmed by anthony. phil loved spiderman homecoming. “Does it count as half a press-up if I just lie on the floor?” inspirational quotes from phil lester. watch dan and phil play ddr it’s good. the rain is god peeing on you. new daniel howell video: Would you date THE REAL Dan? (what a loser honestly). phil gets emotional over undercover boss. dan realized that he was flirting with all his neighbors on tinder. phil liveshow! (highlights: he placed a plant behind him but it doesn’t usually go there phil lester is a fake, he isn’t sick as he thought, fruity boye, crash bandicoot playing with dan, it’s not vodka it’s water, going to wimbledon on sunday!!!!, appreciating tennis face, voting for what shirt he’s going to wear, dan thinks he looks like a white science teacher, the pug shirt wins, he’s happy dan is taking care of the houseplants, excited for game of thrones, ice cream floats are good, the lesters used to go to lagos every summer in the same house, portugal with the lesters stories, excited for stranger things, get someone that knows law to check your renting contract, phil is a unicorn hipster, he does a buzzfeed quiz, anthony uploading bloopers with dan is an excuse to leave). anthony padilla series pt ii: Stop saying we look alike! [BLOOPERS] (ft. Daniel Howell). dan and phil raised a lot of money for the red cross with the manchester shirts good job boyes! new amazingphil video/anthony padilla series pt iii: Anthony, Dan or a RAT? NATHAN ZED POSTS A PIC OF THEM TOGETHER WOW THANK YOU GOD.

third week (15-21): dan is back in his hometown acting like a fucking ninja. dan posts a really good pic of colin (the howells’ dog) and i would not only like to thank god but jesus as well. time isn’t real (source: AmazingPhil). dan and phil in YOUTUBERS REACT TO ODDLY SATISFYING COMPILATION #2. day in the life at wimbledon: dan posts a really genuinely super nice selfie thank you god, strawberries and cream selfie, selfie from the court, some nice shots of dnp at the game, also spotted in this video. phil is blocking out the GoT spoilers (and i guess dan is too). phil asks what the next season of dan and phil plushies should be and pastel wins (what the fuck guys why didn’t pajamas win i’ve literally be screaming). phil has laryngitis and dan weighs in for honestly no reason why does he keep trying to be noticed by phil. dan liveshow! (highlights: dan has social anxiety but he’s plenty confident, dan likes his youtube comments, big ant, he flirted with everyone in a kilometer radius so he literally was just flirting with his neighbors, that’s why he can’t leave the house, dan watched back phil’s liveshow to hear him say anal tampon, being back in wokingham was scury, wimbledon talks, they got there in a taxi in the special entrance and almost got arrested, dan loves pimms, jim and tanya were there, filmed a tomska sketch, dunkirk talks, philly is still sicky). phil’s voice is coming back! PHIL HITS FIVE MIL!….on twitter :/. fdjknvxc someone received merch that’s not released yet. phil liveshow! (highlights: it’ll be short because he was told not to talk, he went to the dentist, vocal range testing, hah what merch that leaked, fruit flies but no fruit, phil is the fruit). dan is a heckler. anthony padilla series pt iv: wtf am i doing (ft. Phil). new merch! backpacks and pastel edits poster.

fourth week (22-31): happy coaster via phil lester photography. dan is just stupid and thought he was stuck in a lift. new gaming video: ‘Stormy Ascent’ - THE HARDEST CRASH BANDICOOT LEVEL EVER (this is god tier gaming). twitter games with phil. dan is in a tomska vlog: Last Week I Got A Gun. new daniel howell video/anthony padilla series pt v: PSA: Stop Emo Shaming. guilty pup phil knocked down soundproof boards in the gaming room with his thicc ass. dan liveshow! (highlights: in the moon room, he doesn’t want to share the room with the internet because it’s not aesthetically appealing, mirror themed items, he wrote the emo shaming video in the car on the way to anthony’s house, dan waxes poetic about emo culture, phil cursing, he got rejected from mark and spencer’s, they are trying to do livestream gaming, unironic candle haul maybe, make a wish tomorrow, guild wars two things, myspace talks, he likes tyler the creators new album and i agree, likes new louis tomlinson, he’s a shorn sheep, they will get evicted like jake paul, diss track one of this best videos). cute make a wish pic. slime floor via phil lester photography. phil liveshow! (highlights: glasses, pupils dilated, floater in his eye, voice is back, shorn sheep, goth phil, drinking glasses are iridescent, he can hear his neighbor sneeze so they can probably hear dan screaming, nicole from make a wish beat phil at mariokart, parents are going to be in london next week to celebrate his mum’s birth, he doesn’t know london that much, phil has a clean sheet fetish, phil has an afternoon cookie and coffee fetish, he likes his red bomber jacket the best, also his nice suit for weddings, he hasn’t used his new red glasses frames at all, phil tried really hard to get the g note for dan’s video, he has a good visual memory). dan and phil appear in DARKIPLIER vs ANTISEPTICEYE (and accompanying bloopers). dan in tomska sketch First Contact (feat. Daniel Howell) (and accompanying bloopers). new gaming video:  SOLVE THIS CRIME - Dan and Phil play: Layton’s Mystery Journey! phil’s review of dunkirk is good. hint to a sleepless night. new amazingphil video: A HUNGRY Sleepless Night With Phil. dan has to go to a meeting and not be in pajamas?! heresy. dan is a woman from olden times.

[perpustakawan]

Dayang dengan Timun

Published by Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka Brunei in 1998. Written by Maysalamah Haji Hitam and illustrated by Dayang binti Haji Menudin. 

Dayang dengan Timun is not a local folklore or legend. I firmly believe this is a story meant to scare the shit out of children for giggles and give them disturbing imagery to grow up with because I grew up with this book and I’d say, this probably shaped me into who I am; a paranoid squeamish homebody who’d wouldn’t eat veggies and would kill any insect that’s within my sight. You’ll know more if read more, so grab some popcorn. 

The story is about girl named Dayang, single child, over pampered by her parents who plays with dolls and prefers to play them alone. She harvested veggies from her family’s garden one day and though a certain cucumber looked really, really cute that she needed to sneak it away so her mom wouldn’t cook them. She played with is like a baby doll and she was the mother. She even skipped meals cause a cucumber is such a fun doll. 

In Malay stories, once you refuse to eat at the table with your parents, that’s when shit goes down cause she called out to this vegetable, asking if it wanted to drink (breast milk), it answered back her call in a muffled voice. She promptly lifted the the cucumber to her chest to pretend to breastfeed but she felt a sharp pain. The cucumber bit her. Naive, she scolded this teething veggie and proceeded to hug it again but it bore its fangs on her chest that it couldn’t be let go. She was shrieking and screaming for help and her Ma and Pa came in. Pa had a snazzy machete in his hands but Ma carried an even powerful weapon, a wooden spoon. 

In a heartbeat, the Ma beats the hell out of the cucumber that it fell off the screaming Dayang whose chest was bloodied. I don’t mean to add even worst imagery but I always imagined that cucumber bit Dayang at the nipple. Having milk come out of there is already enough to make me uncomfortable but blood? that terrifies me and I went into a phase of body dysphoria in my puberty years over my bust. 

Pa’s machete was useless cause it kinda evaporated into thin air. Sad, cause it turned out the cucumber wasn’t a man-eating mutant veggie but a big-ass caterpillar who wants to S U C K Dayang’s blood dry. They had a wild chase scene, not a single human helped them. That machete would have been helpful.

It was these pointy Penjulung fish that helped them. They’re a long thin bodied fish with pointy snout like a swordfish’s.  For some reason, Dayang makes it a point to make these fishes pass message to the caterpillar, “Mamamu titi atang titi anggas” which I have no idea what that means at all. I’m sure the caterpillar, who called Dayang ‘mama’ wasn’t sure either. It crossed the bridge-ish tree with a group of these fishes below and fell. The fishes skewered it and ate it alive. All is well afterwards. Dayang even now plays with her friends and is now an obedient child. 

What’s the lesson of this story? According to the foreword from the director of the publishing house, Dayang dengan Timun is one of 28 books made from Karyawan Bengkel which is a workshop lead by Dr. Elizabeth Liew of Universiti Brunei Darussalam in 1994 about creating manuscripts of children literature. There’s a high chance that Maysalamah Haji Hitam was a student of the University pressured to come up with a manuscript on the spot and publishers liked it because it seems to have a lesson on manners in them i.e be obedient, antisocial tendencies such as playing dolls alone are wrong and always eat when said to.

I don’t agree with those lessons. A lot children who are ‘obedient’ tend to have a tough time opening to people and share their problems, They’d much prefer to keep their true selves locked out in fears of being ‘disobedient’. A child should be free to be disobedient, make them understand why this and this is not good instead of pulling the because I say so card. Wanting to be alone isn't entirely bad and demonizing children for playing dolls should be an absolute no-no! There are quite a few books in Brunei where playing with dolls is bad. Kids should be allowed to be kids. 

This book is my top WTF book. Thanks for haunting my childhood I guess.If you wish to get a copy of this, Dewan bahasa dan Pustaka actually sold a copy of this in the last Book fair this year. I’m unsure if it is still available in their store.

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 9 - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  - Keegan

So I talked to Coco, and both of us agreed now is not the time to flip. It was a pretty obvious choice, my last confessional was just me over thinking things but what else is new? I don’t feel bad about sticking with my og tribe (which is a strategy I usually hate) because we haven’t really had a crucible? or a split? Like it’s not like I know I’m on the bottom from previous votes, there were none. So there’s no reason for me or anyone to flip.... i hope.

We voted Darcy out, and now the hard part begins, trying to get Mac to believe I might still work with him. Ideally what I want is a “let’s protect each other until it is time to flip” scenario, but thats a hard sell, and is also very risky

Darcy was blindsided and voted off. Which is quite upsetting. Darcy was a great person and a close ally of mine. On the plus side Livingston was very much left out of the majority vote which means that he’s fully on our side now. I hate saying that. “Our side” “Their side”. I don’t feel like I entirely fall into a specific side at the moment. Heather and I have had great conversation and a bond of mutual trust. Even though we didn’t vote together we’re watching each other’s backs. And that’s 95% the reason I didn’t panic play my hidden immunity idol. Mac told me he also has an extra vote so that’s incredibly useful to us. Part of me is hoping Heather wins immunity again and sends me off to Oak Island. I’d like the opportunity to pick a third advantage in this game. On an interesting note Kyle is saying that Austin doesn’t feel comfortable and wants to make a move. I’m not sure I trust that so early on in the merge and so soon after immediately voting someone out. It could be a trap. And I’m back to being annoyed at Kyle. He told Livingston and Darcy to message Heather the moment she said things were quiet to Kyle. If she didn’t suspect the three of them of being a tight group she certainly did after that. I’m seriously questioning the gameplay of some of these people. It’s bizarre.

So this morning Kyle whips out a whiteboard and starts planning shit. Calm down there. Anyways, he made a colour coded chart about “cross tribal relations”. Kyle and Livingston are connected with Coco, Dan is connected with Austin and Eric, and I’m connected with Heather. Mac has no connections apparently. So his brilliant plan is for us to win immunity and send Glo to Oak Island. So far so good, I’m down with that even though I flopped massively in the challenge and won’t be winning at all. And then he hits me with “Are you good to vote Heather?” So instead of voting of Stephen or Evan who we don’t have a relationship with, you want to vote off the one person I do have a relationship with? All this partly hinges on Austin flipping and voting off Heather because apparently Austin told Kyle he wants to make a big move. I don’t buy it but believe what you want to believe. The other big part of this plan is relying on Dan to butter up Austin and make him flip. But really why would Dan even work with us in the first place? The Kevin’s Revenge group was formed entirely to get rid of Dan and the others already out. Why is Dan suddenly with us again? If I was Dan I’d be running for the hills of Musquadibeeboo or whatever that tribe was called. All of this has shown me that it’s really Kyle who has to be voted off. He’s playing really hardcore and he has Livingston in his back pocket. That’s not a relationship I want to power through this game. So my next step is to have a nice conversation with Heather about all of this. Let her know she’s being targeted and figure out how to stop this. Also Mac mentioned he also has an extra vote and wants us to both use it to help us out this tribal but... I don’t want to use mine yet. I don’t think I need to use mine yet. We’ll have to see what happens with immunity but Coco promised me that if he wins, he’ll send me to Oak Island which would actually be great. I’d get to sit out of this messy ass vote and keep both of my advantages intact.

So tribal last night went pretty as planned for what seemed like it was going to be messy. That morning it seemed like I was going to be the one to get votes, but I guess that I was able to take the target off my back by talking to everyone on the other side and telling Livingston I was aware of the plan for me to receive votes. Evan ended up getting their 5 votes, while the 7 of us that are in an alliance voted Darcy out. I would say that while I didn't call the shot this vote, that I can call it a good move on my part because the actions I took resulted in me not being the target. Now it's time for me to do the challenge and hope I win, because I could use a round of safety. 4

So... drama happened. Heather called the Chatty Trio, and said apparently Austin through her name out? But Austin had already said that the other alliance was trying to vote her out? Idk that convo didnt go anywhere cause we were interrupted by Krackd Kyle leaping gracefully into the cool waters of wtf territory and giving his immunity to heather. What??? That is not smart! The only two ways that would work in his favour is if he is trying seperate himself from his alliance and form a bond with heather (bit late). OR he already has immunity from an advantage and is trying to cause drama. Thats more likely, and it does worry me, cause if Austin is trying to flip on us, he might aim for me now that heathers immune. Now i’m not as threatening as heather, I like to think I’ve played a solid sorta utr game so far in that i haven’t been overly social or strategic, but who knows. Right now I think Livingston or Keegan is the best vote, but I am looking for future flipping opportunities and Keegan has been social with me. God, this is a tough game.

So I didn't win immunity which is annoying, but I wake up and there's a bunch of messy shit that I don't understand, like why Kyle gave immunity to Heather and why theres a rumor about Mac. Honestly I'm tired of these people because they are only extra for the sake of being extra. I don't know about the other players but I'm not voting for someone because they are the loudest player. I'm gonna figure this out and hope I'm not targeted again because I don't know where I'm at with people atm

Today is the day when we finally blindside Austin. I've been waiting so long for this moment but now I know the time is right. I feel like so far I've been cruising by, but now is the time to put something on my resume, get control of this game, and take a threat out. Now, I just need to convince 6 other people to do the same thing.

Coco is completely on board with the Austin plan, and so is Kyle, Keegan, and Mac. Now it all comes down to Heather. I discussed the plan to her before and she wasn't completely down with it, but after I told her I had an idol she was considering it more. However, the craziness of today's vote took a huge toll on her mental health to the point where she's considering throwing it away! C'mon Heather!

Kyle taking charge of the Austin blindside is something I'll have to deal with. It was 100% my idea since day one, but I have to keep the truth lowkey, because if I don't, I could be next on the chopping block.

Darcy went home. I’m hurt. I want revenge. I’ll get revenge. FOR NOW, Austin’s going home because me n him are snakes and I’m the Snakiest snake so he gotta go. Me and Glo have a “mutual therapist” bond where I’m the Psychologist and we give each other some intel. I think I can outsmart Glo, I absolutely love Glo with all my heart but I can’t let her get to the end. She’d win easily. I told Keegan about my extra vote then less than 24 hrs later and then Coco said apparently I had a double vote. I obviously lied about having it and make myself seem like I don’t have anything. Oops.

Fuckkkkkk I feel I'm def the one going home.heather is telling me evan and coco have flipped on me which would be really shitty bc I thought I was close with them . I know for a fact heather is against me so that sucks . I dont know what else I could really do but I'm gonna fight til I'm gone . Atomic survivor gods be with me

I had a video confession about this round but it wont load and it would be a whole lot to type khjkh

I think this is my first confessional this episode and all I have to really say is: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Heather comes to me late before tribal starts by asking me, "What if Kyle is just using me you and Coco so that the 5 of them could send home whoever they want in a 5-4-3 vote (assuming Mac plays his double vote advantage)" I thought about it, and it made sense; why would Kyle want to blindside Austin so much? Why would Kyle take orders from someone other than himself? So my backup idea that I proposed to Heather is that she switches her vote to Livingston, so that there's three possible outcomes; a 5-5-2 revote Livingston goes home; a 5-4-2 vote and Livingston goes home (basically Heather is voting for Livingston to counter Mac's advantage), or everyone just sticks to the Austin plan.

Kyle is desperately trying to get Dan to vote for Austin late, but I really don't want that. I need Dan to vote for Livingston, despite myself voting for Austin. This is because we need Dan in case the 4 OG members from the other tribe minus Dan plus Livingston decide to pick off whoever they want in a 6-4-2 vote. We can't have that; we need it to be 5-5-2. I am desperately trying to sway Dan last minute to make sure I don't get blindsided.

So..... ugh. I’m voting out austin. I hate to do cause i love the guy and trust him with my game, but coco and evan, the silent shady ones, have flipped for no others reason than a slight change in the wind. Seriously, dumb. This is really annoying cause I wanted to get livingston and kyle out before i flipped. But now I have to work with an alliance that only 1 quarter of have spoken to me about the vote. Not good. Hopefully i can have some sort of honest reputation (me! honest! aint this a turn out for the books) and convince them next round that im a better ally than shady evan. However this just means theyre gonna keep voting us out, so maybe we just piece together our broken alliance next round.

It's always the people scared about flipping that flip. 9-2. I was the only one voting to keep Austin when it should have been 6-5. Not one person told me to vote Austin or that Austin was the vote. Not even very last second without explanation. I didn't know my loyalty meant jackshit but here we are. All I gotta say is nice eric is gone, and everyone's about to see a new face. Prepare yourselves.

[wearethegladiators]

ANSWERING RECENT HEADCANONS AND RADOTING

Sacha using his fists to defend himself before his wand is a big ass mood

Remember when the rebels rescued Lily in the Excidium verse and she head butted one of them

Like I said they’re actually super alike!! Sacha’s the alternative version of Lily that managed to stay on the right path :’)

HE’S PROBABLY AFRAID OF BLOOD THE BBY

Gnnn now I can see a Peeta/Johanna-like relationship between him and Lily?? Like the “we’re very familiar with each other’s screams” part. I’m not ok wbu

Sacha as a cook I’m 100% here for it

Lily too started getting tattoos when she was caught for the first time and sent to the Ministry around her “registration number”!!!!! The feels

EDAN SPENT 5 YEARS IN JAIL WTH HOW IS THIS MAN STILL ALIVE GIVE HIM A MEDAL

Sacha and Lily escaping all the time always <3 The deatheaters must be so mad hihihihi

How old is actually Edan?? Wait he must have known Wyn from Hogwarts + she was a prefect as well

Sacha completing a muggle degree made me so emotional like?? It’s like he felt he didn’t completely fit in and :’( :’(

I like these plots of people not completely fitting in tho (Sacha, the Auderic, the Blackbirds, etc.) JK Rowling always made it seem like tout allait bien dans le meilleur des mondes and hm?? Not buying it you’re not even a democracy oy

Also Lily contacted the Order pretty early on so that they could help her hide her family. So she probably met with Edan wayyyy before Sacha (or like, they probably knew each other from Hogwarts, but not so much?? Lily was too busy trying to save Slytherin souls you know :’))

All Gryffindors are assertive and arrogant let’s face it (Wynona is I am EVERYONE IS)

 The whole Edan plotline is :’(((((((( I have no idea how Wyn would react to that but she’d definitely be involved. Wyn has always been independent and has never relied on anyone (before the accident at least), but I feel like Edan could have been the one she was confiding to about the shit she was struggling with. Kids and Sacha could always confide to her and count on her support; but she was the mother, the big sister, it was all one-way, except maybe with Edan. So she would care a hell lot

Also she cares so much about Sacha and this is so terrible for him like

It’s Wynona tho so she may try to confront Edan mdr, so the explosion plot wouldn’t be so unlikely hihi

Or maybe she’d be surprisingly caring?? Like that would be the thing to reactivate her soft spot

Also caring for Edan would be her awkward way of showing Sacha she still fucking cares for him

Siblings relationships will be the end of me I swear to god

  Running away!! I can totally picture a scene in which Nathan and Lily would be quiet, and it would be weird because they’re rarely just the two of them now, and one of them goes like “maybe we should just run away/maybe we should have ran when we still could”

Nathan thinking he’s too weak is a big no tho

I also have had this scene in mind FOR AGES and I need this to be canon??? Nathan and Lily. Sitting on a roof. (This was Excidium’s era yo, remember how they lived on a mf roof??? MDR) It’s all quiet. And Lily grabs Nathan’s hand. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of us.” BIIIITCH I NEED EPISODE 2 OF THIS NATHAN NEEDS EPISODE 2 OF THIS

The frequency to which I rely on capital letters is becoming concerning

Tbh I just miss the Nathalily banter. I just want my girl to go like “you’re my family BITCH”

Remember in Excidium (sorry hihi) when they found each other after MONTHS and one of the first things she said was “yo you look like shit”??? #MyNathalily

(Also I always forget how hot Nathan actually is. Mdr and Lily is just like “oy ugly”)

(And yes!!!! How he used to FAIRE DES PUTAINS DE LABYRINTHE A LA SORTIE DE SON DORM what a bitch I love him) (I miss them as kids :’(((((()

(Most of their les Ames Mortes friends must be dead btw. Bonne ambiance)

(Once I had a dream where Kira was somehow coming back??? Which was cool because he was sort of Lily’s psychologist and that would GREATLY help rn)

Gnnn Lily would be like “You CAN’T let the McMillan run this thing” but at the same time she would not do anything about it?? Placing all the burden on his shoulders. I’m sorry Wyn and Lily are such shitty friends atm but they’re… so far gone, in a way :’(

It will get better tho!! LOVE IS MORE POWERFUL REMEMBER

Actually Lily and Nathan are facing the exact same problems mdr so they should see it eventually

Lily’s not a leader, OR at least she never meant to be one. Pls just let her be Nathan’s bras droit once again, I feel like they both need it rn

OR MAYBE THEY NEED TO RUN AWAY

Sorry

I’m just thinking so much about how Aron’s death must have affected their relationship. Like Aron was Nathan’s brother too tbh

I also thought Nathan’s connection to both fire and water was so interesting yoooo, especially because Lily is so much the incarnation of water to me (even tho she’s also very earthly and she’s, in a way, full of fire)

NATHAN ON A DRAGON’S BACK IS BOTH TERRIFYING AND SEXY AF

Remember the part where Wynona now has two fully grown dragons?? Just sayin

Nathan was actually quite dark on Les Ames Mortes mdr, I remember this whole dark mark storyline and holy shit

“He’s been TAMED and you CAN’T tame him he’s a wild animal” *slow claps even tho this may not be a very reassuring perspective*

 I feel so sorry for Nathan and Sacha!! (And Wyn and Lily mdr)

 OK I’M HAVING SO MUCH WYNONATHAN FEELS ATM

As I was writing the Blackbird scene I was like “this reminds me of something hmmm” and then I remembered Nathan’s story and!!!!

These bitches have so much in common they must laugh it off to pretend like it’s not serious business

I can so much picture Wyn bringing Nathan to the Ranch and him seeing the Thestrals and casually saying “it’s been so since [he] was a kid” “oh me too” “hahahahaha how fun”

Wyn making fun of Nathan’s patronus “hahahaha you’re so in love with me right” (bonus if Nathan does not know her last name yet and she goes “do you know who the fuck I am”)

I LOVE Ydria and you know who else would LOVE her?? Wynona. Yes. If she ever meets her tbh she’s gonna stan (poor Nathan mdr)

(Rick Yaxley already???? Wtf I didn’t know about that what a bitch wtf wtf wtf)

(btw quite canon that Wyn’s family has also been executed by deatheaters because they were becoming too much of a threat/were too out of control/were non-white so no one could understand them mdr)

Btw. The parallel between both their families in terms of integration to the pureblood scene is EVERYTHING. They were such powerful families and the others were such racist pieces of crap

The Blackbirds have never been fine politicians. When Blackbird Père figured out it would be nice to have allies on the pureblood scene he probably rushed to the Lestrange because 1) they’re scary af and 2) Corvus oculum corvi non eruit. I swear to God

When they could have been allied with the Oderikos I’M SORRY BUT

Btw chapter 3 is Wynona at one such pureblood gathering :’) and SORRY AGAIN but don’t tell me the table for discussing politics was not organized by “family importance”. The Big Seven, then the other British families, than the… non-white people :’) Also just saying that if the table is organized alphabetically that means that WYNONA’S SEAT WILL BE NEXT TO NATHAN’S MDRRRRRRR

Is this really how they’re gonna meet (cause tbh I’m here for it) (I even mention it briefly at the end hihi you’ll see) (I’m a foreshadowing queen y’know)

Just saying that if the Oderikos and the Blackbirds could have seen their resemblances… “I have a son you have a daughter we’ll join our houses…..” In a parallel universe Nathan and Wynona could be married just saying hein

Sorry but the association of these two houses sounds terrifying I like it

But do you know who are the most terrifying people of these families?? YDRIA AND THE AMERICAN BRANCH. WHAT IF THEY COME. BOTH OF THEM.

Can Wyn somehow figure out that Nathan has Native American blood pls this just needs to be addressed

Can they teach other “unorthodox magic/ways of burning things”???

(YDRIA AS DESCENDANTS OF GREEK GODS I’M DYING!!!!!!!!!)

(ODERIKOS MEN BEING CURSED!!!!!)

100% agree that Nathan and Wyn could burn the world AND each other up

Not directly related but you know my original plan was to have Wynona die in a massive suicide-bomb attack. Just like casually leaving Nathan’s bed in the middle of the night to blow herself up. I mean I don���t know what this is doing here but I just needed to say it

Omg yes they’re such soulmates but I don’t think they’re good for each other. STAR-CROSSED LOVERS MUCH omg

Pretty sure Wyn knows that but… there’s not much she can do about it mdr

Like before the war she was confiding to Edan, but in the war she found someone so much like her, that can relate to the trauma she’s been through?? She craves it, she NEEDS it and she is always going to need it

(Gnnn she just needs someone to take care of her ok)

Plus if the kids have adopted Nathan, can you imagine

People being like “he’s good for you/you’re good for each other” WELL ACTUALLY

Maybe relationships which start with fights are not meant to end so well??? Maybe that’s just too much fire??

(Also huge need for an angsty RP where she’s just yelling at him “YOU LEFT ME AT MY LOWEST” and shit. Does Nathan need that? Probably not. But I do hihihi)

Anyway je radote ptn

 Et en attendant j’ai fait d’autres playlists just as messy as this post:

·         Lily : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl10O5TcXXte7AD8K7I46ARt

·         Evans siblings: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl2GyO486p5UjsMRHot_h-on

·         A bby one but well-needed for Cassiel: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3ZNPaKs-7i56Gcsosu7xyQ

·         Nathalily: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3RUhSkv0gTftnzcBJj7aaE (pls don’t hit me for the last one ok)

·         WYNONATHAN: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ0c2JClJHl3cyiZtCP-40U6Ze8SXYGy7

 Bye