#damn my phone but I figured it out
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Opposites attract, huh?
#still trying to figure out how to draw those damn wings#also a sketch because I didn't have my phone with me until now#artists on tumblr#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sth fanart#sketch#pen doodles#sonic x shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations spoilers#tagging spoilers just in case#sonadow#(if you want!)
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#bob odenkirk#i didn’t grow up catholic but i too wallow in self doubt#i had to figure out how to screen record this on my phone#luckily i could watch this without downloading that damn app
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recently realized making gifs is the devils work but his doe eyes have entranced me.
#jack st. ivany#pittsburgh penguins#tv.hky#pit#babys first gifset PLEASE be kind . it is why i am doing it with someone Nobody talks about#but look at him. what a guy#davinci resolve is a bitch but hey for day one i'm getting there. i'll figure her out. mark my damn words!!!!!#oh it's SO much more orange on my phone. well. WELL!. we learn and cope.
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#my phone’s memory is really like figure out another method of storage 🔫#alright damn#jh3#jb11#if i say anything i am in big trouble
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I just wish to inform you all that I'm currently traveling and have equal to 90's levels of internet where I am, but I just Mcgivered (as my dear friend Fury would say ^^) internet access on my laptop so I CAN RE-BOOP YOU ALL WITH NO MERCY MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(You're all probably getting it from my main blog, the polarisdelphi one, and if I haven't booped you yet... I'm coming back for you, my friend)
#polaris speaks#halloween shenanigans#happy halloween!!!#boop#you're all amazing really#I had my phone with me all day while getting my annual haircut#and was like 'damn the boop wars are going strong I have to do something about it'#so here I am#11 pm#mcgivering some internet access to have my revenge on you all hahahaha#haven't figured out how to do with this blog name but alas
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obviously, i can't confirm that this is The Sweater™️ but i think i found Jeff's sunflower sweater from today!
#i can't afford it myself rn unfortunately but 😭#i'm definitely getting it when i can#so i figured i'll put it on here too#partly so i don't lose the damn link in between the 1000 of notes i have on my phone#jeff satur#kinnporsche#kinnporsche cast#maybe it will be sold out by the time i finally get around to buying it and i'll calm doen#down*#i'll regret my entire life but whatever#jeff satur fits#I actually should still have the link to his pearl/metal beads necklace somewhere#i bought that one seconds after finding it and it was the best 80€ ever spent#it's a trait of my personality now#i literally wear it every day
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Literally going to go insane
#I had to go into the office where there was NOISe and people#then went to the gym where some asshole was had the audio on the bike on full - not on their headphones! and then they left and someone els#showed up and talked on the phone#and since I got home at 630pm my bf has been on the phone with his family (it's now midnight)#and I love him and that he can talk to his family so long but I can't escape his noise#and now he's fucking singing multiple songs into the phone and I don't know why AND I JUST CANNOT.#I have to go into the office again tomorrow and I'm like. Please. PLEASE can I have silence??????????????????#it should not be too much to have twenty minutes of not having to hear a god damn voice#and that place should not have to be my CAR when I have to deal with PEOPLE on the road#I should go to bed but this man talks loud af into the phone#I showed up to work on the edge of losing it this morning. I got a new chair but I can't figure out what to do to note make it#AWFUL. and it was making me want to tear off my SKIN#so literally I have just been begging for quiet and less stimulation all day#and instead I'm having to blast music so I don't have to hear his stupid voice singing and doing voices and like ??? bro stfu and let your#parents get in a word or HANG UP.#sorry sorry I'm just losing my mind I need more sleep
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#Spotify#music for when you’re driving to ace hardware to buy mousetraps so you can kick out that mouse like Nick Cave says#and when you get there you give him your best friend’s phone number bc you unfortunately have it memorized and he goes to ace hardware all#the time for work#and the guy on the register squints at you and confirms the very male name on the screen#and you resist the urge to squeak out an excuse and just confirm#and then you stop by aldi on the way back and buy two tubs of Greek yogurt and two bottles of synergy kombucha#bc even though you brew your own and actually have way more than you could possibly handle rn bc it’s so hot in your house#you are a sucker for limited edition flavors and it will cause you to spend $8 on kombucha#so you buy pomelo lemonade and cherry coconut lemongrass#which is the summer flavor named unity or something#and you usually get one every year#but you still feel ridiculous walking out of aldi with two tubs of yogurt and two bottles of kombucha and nothing else even though no one#you know sees you even though west ********* is crawling with acquaintances#and then you get back in your car and you’re proud of the rare burst of executive function which allowed you to finally put the new battery#in your car keys even though you stole the battery from target like two months ago you just couldn’t figure out how to open the damn thing#and the convenience is novel and you think wow maybe I should injure my ribcage more often if it’s forcing me to take care of all these#tiny tasks like buying mousetraps and replacing your key battery and cooking figs in honey et cetera#and you drive down the hill and see low clouds snagging in the blue ridge mountains and feel alright for a moment#and go to the scratch and dent where you buy butter and a couple 33¢ seltzers and a diet ginger ale as a lil treat#and when you get back home you drop it on the gravel road and the ginger ale begins to leak out so you put your mouth to it even though the#thought of what nonsense is on the outside of the can from the manufacturing and shipping process lingers#and by the time you get to the kitchen and pour it over ice in a mason jar it’s fairly flat from the burst of bubbles when you poured it#awkwardly with one hand#and you drink what remains on the porch where it’s a post-rain subdued sky sort of dusk#and you think about how much it’s gonna hurt to leave and how you have no other option because of how entwined you’ve become with someone#who is the entire city and the entire vast forest and possibly the entire ecological region#and then you’re still hungry so you eat some meal prepped overnight oats that were for tomorrow morning. the end#journal
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I want a drawing tablet with a screen so bad right now AAGH
#I have a srawing tablet that my parents bought me that's really fucking inconvenient to use#I'm left handed so I have ti fucking like configure shit because the default is fucking right handed and it kinda sucks ass on phones#maybe it's judt me IDK#it's rlly inconvenient to use on my phone or tablet personally I think a hugw factor is because we have no tABLES IN THIS DAMN HOUSE AAAGH!!#and using it on pc is a whole nother thing because I can only use ibis paint there for 1 hour and I haven't figured out how to use krita#my parents keep guilt tripping me when they see me not uding it like OK!!!#this is your fault I did not ask for this specific tablet it fucking sucks I'm sorry you spent money on it but you bought it for me so I-#-can draw digital art conveniently but tHIS IS ANYTHING BUT CONVENIENT!!!!#DRAEING WITH MY FUCLING FINGER IS BETTER!!#AND EVEN THEN THAT'S INCONVENIENT!!!#FUCK#I have an old laptop I need to go see if that'll work bUT STILL#I literally have not drawn a full piece with this tablet#it's soo damn inconvenient to me UGH#here's to hoping the laptop won't suck I guesw#otherwise I'll have to continue drawing with my finger like always
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First time playing with Canva - had a go at making a header for my RoD series (yk, instead of actually finishing it! :P). What do we think? (Similarly to writing, with design I don't know when to stop!)
I probably need a little tagline instead of the generic text on there - so it'll intrigue a little more... but hey, it was a fun way to procrastinate regardless :P
(Also pretty please tell me of any useful templates you know of on there for creating this sort of thing?)
#YES I DID HYPERFOCUS ON THIS INSTEAD OF MAKING DINNER OR DRINKING WATER#also damn the colours are COMPLETELY different from my laptop to phone…#any tips for that?#I always associate Santi with blues#and on my phone all the blues are turquoise or green#also I could not find a colour picker anywhere?!#I will figure it out#😅#also the contrast looks entirely different on here and it’s really irking me ahahahahhaha#trying to be normal about it
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Hitting myself with a big stick labelled "OUT OF SCOPE" whenever I start thinking "man this story would be really cool if it had variables in"
#cyoa story that lives in my brain is becoming (slowly) cyoa story that lives on my phone#it can be a twine game AFTER i figure out what the damn plot is
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Somehow one of my old high school notebooks ended up at goodwill and not only did someone buy it, but they found my phone number and texted me 😬😬😬 which is… not cool, but also they turned out to be nice, so whatever, I guess
#I got this and started kinda freaking out because I had no idea what was in it#and how do people keep finding my phone number???#damn I kinda hate this digital world#anyway I figured out that one of my trash bags got mixed in with my goodwill donations a couple of weeks back#and some goodwill worker actually looked through all the trash and thought ‘yeah someone will buy this old used notebook’#anyway they sent me a pic of a couple of pages and I’m prettttty sure it’s all just dumb highschool stuff for tv broadcasting#but they were nice and it made me feel nostalgic to briefly talk about it with someone so I can’t be too mad#I mean… I dunno#maybe it’s some bored teenager and they find this weird notebook and want to know more about it#not that there’s anything too wild in there#really I vaguely remember flipping through it before tossing it and I don’t remember anything eye catching#if it had anything I really thought was important I probably would have kept it#and it’s about 15 years old so I’m of the mind that it’s aged past my need to worry what’s in it#eventually you get old enough that the stuff you did in your teens feels like someone else’s bullshit#like… 15 years on I’m barely the same person#whatever is embarrassing in there is embarrassing for teen Ian not current Ian#but wow… I really hope they didn’t pay for that#or that they at least got a few laughs out of it#that would actually make up for finding my number#if someone else can even briefly enjoy some of my old dumb stuff then that’s pretty cool#but also… how’d they get my fucking number!?#bleghhhh#for a second I hoped it was one of my old poetry books.#I would love to get one of those back#I used to have so many notebooks of my poetry#but ya know dumb teen-to-twenties Ian had to get all moody and trash them#well… that’s life I guess#ok anyway sorry to bother you#mine#text
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Drawed up a little image again 😛
#I'm done explaining my fanart#you figure out who this is#I'm held hostage in autodesk sketchbook on my current laptop cuz it has the windows 11 paint🤮#and the classic paint dupe i downloaded keeps crashing😿#i miss my old laptop i could literally just open it it's on my desk rn but it takes MULTIPLE MINUTES to boot up#can you imagine that😦oh the horror#and i have to sit there and keep turning it off and on over and over until it decides to stop getting stuck on the welcome screen#windows 11 is my biggest enemy rn#i also have to change my phone damn the battery is on its death bed and it keeps freezing ESPECIALLY THE KEYBOARD#i have a complicated relationship with technology#ANYWAY how tf did i get here#ohhh the resolution is tiny on this one 😬#my apologies idk what the shit im doing
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Sometimes I go on a tangent trying to analyze how I feel about or why I do certain things, & I often feel that by focusing on typing it out it's easier for me to actually make conclusions about the "why", but I still don't have a solution & it's kinda frustrating that I do all this analyzing about myself & still feel like a lazy disappointment to everyone around me.
#tmi#brought to you by me typing up what i hate about different cleaning tasks that makes it difficult for me to motivate myself to do#i ended up deleting my vent blog since i haven't used it in forever. i sometimes type these tangents up on masotdon but the character limit-#-makes it annoying & also i feel like I shouldn't post so much of these tangents online. sometimes i end up in a tangent while messaging my-#-s/o. sometimes it happens in the tags of a post i make or reblog#this time i tried just doing it in my phone's notes but when my s/o asked me what i'm doing i ended up rambling to him#i just get so frustrated with myself. very few people like cleaning but ppl do it anyway bc it needs to be done.#all the advice i find is either “just do the thing” or “break it into smaller steps” & the latter is helpful... but i have a hard time-#-figuring out what the smaller steps should be. also i constantly worry about my parents judging how I cleaned something (esp my step dad)#& everything is so exhausting. & everything needs to be done so frequently.#sometimes in certain situations I actually do enjoy cleaning! but it's never at home#i can be so damn productive at work or in class but as soon as it's time to leave my brain shuts off#& @ home it's like my brain can ONLY focus on what it *wants* to do.#i just hate my brain. my meds help a bit but they aren't a magical cure for my laziness
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me: spends the better part of 2 years slowly being online and talking to people less and less, not responding to messages, not organising any irl get togethers or cancelling last minute cuz i cant handle it
me: *feels isolated, depressed, like a failure, feels unloved, feels guilty and nostalgic for the old days, feels ive grown distant from all my loved ones, and have bad cyclic thinking about how maybe this is all for the better and i cant fucking handle seeing anyone and going out is a big fucking effort
me:
#life of doge#this is probably a cry for help lmao idk#im still trying to figure out why this got triggered tho i have a pretty good idea why i think....#but lemme tell you#lockdowns meaning i couldnt organise things + the incessent anxiety of leaving the houe#cuz what if theres covid what if i make my disabled housemate sick#resulting in organising meet ups feeling Abstract and Impossible#plus my neurodivergent arse dedicating every god damn fork i have into having a fulltime job#which not even neurotypical ppl should be expected to balance with personal life#those 2 things are certianly not helping#and coincidentally those 2 things happened within the last 2 years#i was online a lot more bc of lockdowns and before my job#but since starting work ive just. i just cant#those arent the only reasons of course but they certainly are not bloody helping#i miss how things used to be....#here ive been spending years explaining to a loved one that isolation bad#and now im falling into those exact bad cycles and habits and thought patterns#of course its not true isolation like im leaving the house almost every day for work#but just. the wall ive put up and how i practically dont use my phone anymore and im impossible to contact#i hate it. i hate how thats what ive become#and i hate how its probably deteriorated at my relationships#bc it means im not being the friend i want to be#so of course ppl are going to give me the same energy back#of course me feeling unloved and uncared for and moved on from is literally all my fault#i have no one to blame but myself#whatever. im just so fucking over feeling like this.#negative -
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Okay so bad news... My phone’s lcd is broken... I can’t draw anymore orz... Just as I was figuring out how to draw the comic it decided to die on me dammit!
Is this a sign to continue writing my fics
#aria rants#ive been thinking about how to draw again#like how i plan to proceed with drawing and yk my artstyle#and colouring and all that and i was even able to figure smth out a lil too!#but then my phone went nope and now i have no phone damn...#its lcd got broken before too (mostly my fault i accidentally dropped the thing)#its new lcd was like not rlly compatible#it was the wackiest thing that tested my patience everyday#a single tap results in multiple and a swipe results in single tap#somewhat managed it with the help of a touchscreen repair app#and it got so hot too like it fried the earphone jack at the bottom (couldnt plug an earphone no more after that)#and now the lcd is broken again bruh (partially my fault cuz i pressed a lil too hard on it the fragile thing)#hoping to get it fixed again... hopefully. i need my stuff in it!#in the meantime i guess im stuck with writing for the time being -3-
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