#damn i really need to go to bed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puppyeared · 7 months

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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

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dragonsballsz · 1 year

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realized a second ago that bardock's name sneakily fits into the son family theme and i'm going to need some time to process that.

to elaborate:

goku (悟空) and his sons gohan (悟飯) and goten (悟天) all have the same first character (悟, read as go).

bardock, rather obviously, is named after the vegetable burdock. more specifically, after the greater burdock, or arctium lappa, which is very common in japan. his name, バーダック (bādakku) is just the japanese transliteration of the english word.

what's the japanese word? ゴボウ. 牛蒡. gobou. 悟蒡.

he was one of them all along.

#dbz #bardock #nerdout #japanese #language #losing sleep over this one #making a kv fankid with this name to doubleblow my own mind #how did it take this long for me to realize this #....damn raditz really was the black sheep of the family huh #didn't get the looks the name the voice actor the plot relevance....#me: haha what's a vegetable that starts with go in japanese? oh burdock that's– wait.#i need to go to bed

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essektheylyss · 4 months

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Okay I did get distracted by a grade being posted and I am about to be both a nerd and a millennial but god ngl I do hate classes where you get full points on all your assignments but don't actually get any actual feedback on them. What is the point. If it's a class where everyone gets passing grades for making the effort but you get actual feedback and comments, that's great! But I would genuinely rather get points docked and get extensive comments on what I did well and what needed improvement and why than this.

#what is the POINT #like at that point it feels like busy work frankly! it doesn't feel like anyone's worrying about whether or not I learned something!#and like I can self reflect on my own learning. I'm good at that. that's fine. but a) not everyone can #and b) it REALLY does not help the perception that a degree is something you pay for but don't actually need to learn anything to get #which is a MASSIVE problem rn. there's no actual value placed on LEARNING THINGS.#like I know for a FACT that I have turned in B+ average assignments at best in this class.#just cuz I only have finite time and I gotta stay sane and it's not an area I'm going to go any further than surface level in.#the overview is good and important! but the work I'm doing is reflective of my investment and frankly it should've earned a B+ at most.#like at least if you're docking a point and telling me what for I know you READ the damn thing. christ alive.#you may ask yourself 'oh my god why are you like this' and the answer is. have you looked at my blog.#anyway. okay nOW I'm going to bed.

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thenwethrowitonthefire · 3 months

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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

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saintruby · 2 days

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gonna start a proper the x files rewatch so I can correctly chronically all the sam-scullyisms

#spn #txf #that and bc early seasons spn was making me want to watch txf #lots of similar vibes and plots #honestly he's a good mix of both mulder and scully if you think about it #is this a biproduct of him being a character archetype we don't really see a lot anymore that was more popular in the 90s/00s?#damn i need to go to bed

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thecubes · 6 months

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im gonna start throwing things

#i went back to bed for a nap #fell fully asleep rem dreaming etc etc #dream i get to meet g. we are sat face to face on some desk. i shake his hand #i dont wanna let go but im being polite about it. not gonna nick his hand yk #hes like oh its ok. holds my hand. so i hold his hand for longer and we just sit holding hands #and. im like ok im being really too much now and hes like nope. and puts his hand on top of mine #thumb rubs and All #god damn #and then when that fizzled out i got a very realistic stress dream that the government accidentally gave me my #uc too early and i had to pay it back but id already spent it and would need to produce nearly 300 quid out of my arse #just woke up like can i please go back to holding g's hand. god

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cerealmonster15 · 5 days

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i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was

#i think it's mostly bc i thought mean girls was like. an okay movie. a fine movie? i think i liked it #but like. i saw it once. i have no nostalgia for it bc i saw it way later/not when it originally came out #and god the way people are so into it. i mean that is great like i dont wanna be a hater for people enjoying things #but me personally. i do not understand why it's a cult classic or whatever klsjfkdlsfj i hear people quote it all the time and im like. 🧍#so having those quotes i already dont care about re contextualized to try to sell me walmart. god. the worst experience jkfsdjfklJFDKLSJF #tbh maybe it woudlve been worse if i liked the movie but i saw comments saying those commercials were funny so WHATEVER #i feel like it's also the same w/like. vocaloid kfsjdflksjgh like i dont dislike it!! i enjoy some songs #but i never had a vocaloid phase when i was younger. i feel so very neutral about miku #ppl on the internet feel so strongly positive and again thats great and i objectively get it #ive been shown vocaloid songs and some are really catchy #but it is one of those instances where im like man. a level of hype i dont fully understand LOL #miku vocaloid stuff is at least endearing tho. i get.... tired... w/mean girls quotes......... ksljfsljfl #It's Always The Same Ones and i just dont think theyre very funny FKJLDSJFDKLSJF maybe i am a hater damn #jk i do think i liked the movie? god i dont remember i watched it like. i dont even know when. college at the earliest i think #but whatever thats just a case of people having different interests just cuz i didnt care about a thing doesnt man its bad other ppl like i #also tho i think bc the mean girls overquoted bits remind me of like. rae dunn ceramics LOL jkfskfjsekht #or like idk live laugh love stuff. yknow like. dont talk to me until ive had my coffee has same energy as on wednesdays we wear pink. to me #it's facebook wine mom humor.... bc it is people roughly my age that were/are really into it and they are now mom age i guess lwpfhewhfp #god i need to go to bed im tired and it's making me a cranky complainer about stuff that doesnt matter!!!!#went 2 my dash in a dif tab and immediately saw a miku post is she gonna get me for not having strong feelings about her #im sorry miku i just . i dont get it JKFLJDSKLFJKSLD #ur music is fun i just dont proportionately understand. i feel like im missing context w/this one girl maybe thats my bad idk #or maybe it's just i found u too late idk. i will jam to the bops tho #that endless/everlasting/whatever nights thing w/like the 4 alt storyline songs is soooo fun i love those #dont ask me the names of the ppl in them tho i dont fuckin know besides like. 3 of them. one is miku LOL #and those yellow twin kids. len and ren. or rin? len and rin? i dont remember and i dont care enough to look it up sorry small children #theres that blue haired guy that was in the one prsk route i played but i forgot his name again #i dont know if hes in those songs i was talkin about tho i only remember what he looks like in his youthful wonderland alt loll #i talk in the tags bc i get scared it feels safe in my burrow here underground #also im calling mean girls mid and saying i dont have miku hype so i feel like that does warrant going into hiding

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arcaneyouth · 10 months

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"well at least I'll get good sleep tonight" they said, not getting good sleep tonight

#vent post #negative #doing really fucking bad mentally actually #cant turn my brain off about how mad i am about money #about wasting my fucking time meeting people and their dogs they want me to care for #not getting paid for the fucking meetings that have been half the reason i struggle making progress on my personal projects #undercharging myself to hell and back just for the chance to get A Job #only for them to fucking cancel because they dont respect my time #cancel a meet up 3 hours before. cancel the booking less than 24 hours after making it. make me drive an hour for fucking nothing #begging me to lower my prices which are already lower than everyone in the area #i dont want to work anymore i want it to stop #going to do a week of dog sitting for less than 200 fucking dollars because its the only god damn fucking job i can fuckkng get #and it wont even happen for another month! who knows! they could cancel too!#if they cancel I'm deleting my fucking rover account!#i cant earn money. im trying so hard for nothing.#i cant apply to normal jobs because my job anxiety is So Bad i NEED someone to be with me as i apply showing me how it works #i dont know what job i want because i dont want a job i want to go to bed #im so so tired of going 'this could work! i could make this work!' and it just never gets far enough to matter #after 3 years of no progress you know what! maybe i cant fucking make it work!#i dont want to keep trying with this stupid shit anymore #im not even gonna be able to afford christmas presents this year.#anyways. whats a girl gotta do to get some fuckinf sleep around here

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backtochicago · 4 months

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maybe that duck finally realized that running a minecraft server with a massive fanbase including performative chronical online fans and functioning it as a brand business paying salaries to the employees are never as easy as what he thought and only collecting leasons from following someone shadow footprints will never make you realize how risky it is until you are in their shoes.

#like do i feel bad when he almost had a mental breakdown right in a livestream ? not really but soft of #but at the same time do i feel he doesn't deserve all of those oppression ? no #he made his own bed he legitimately invited himself into this mess which could have prevented in the first place #he was the one cutting the relationship with the rest of his former friends #he was the one hiring all of the mod volunteers he was the one making those “ there is no war in ba sing se ” rules #he was the one functioning this Minecraft server as a business company not a passion project #he was the one building up this fanbase - the oppressed fans willingly doxxing and threatening ccs and other fans #he cannot pull out ' i barely caught up anything ' when it comes to paying salaries to other mods #because he made the damn principles applied to every mods how tf he can forget ?#not to mention he (used to) study laws ?? commercial laws ????#and when he fucking cried and talking about wilbur and sobbed about he was no longer in the server #yet none of supporting statements toward to shelby were made like okay bro im sure being a blind-eyed man must be tough for you last year #like what he even expected ? this is what happened if you silenced your voices and permitted your fucking fandom swept all of its issues #either he need to change or the damn server will go down to the pit hole #/neg

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obsidiannebula · 4 months

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"Are Gen Z a bunch of prudes? Or do their attitudes about sex reflect their material conditions?" --Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube, "Why We Can't Build Better Cities") Turning this one over in my mind bc as a zillenial it's been very frustrating to watch this prudishness develop among my age bracket, but the point that our environments shape our subjectivities, and more specifically, that the loneliest generation in decades living in greater isolation than ever due to the fact that we can't afford to hang out in public where we might meet people, and therefore are becoming choosier about with whom we spend time and form intimate connections, might have something to do with the rise of sex negativity among the youth

When you can't afford to learn how to form relationships with people, the idea of trusting people, of potentially trusting strangers with your vulnerable body, becomes anxiety-inducing. The idea of being witnessing a stranger in that vulnerability becomes scary and uncomfortable.

Young people today are more socially anxious than ever. And I'm young people, okay? I have been getting better but I still dread making phone calls and I can rarely work up the nerve to leave a voice mail (that's a RECORDING if I'm awkward they might hear it MORE THAN ONCE there will be EVIDENCE). I do not have friends in my state, much less my city. If I'd never been exposed to sexuality and kink outside of sex-negative environment I was raised in, I would still have some horrible ideas about sex and purity. I fortunately found good sex ed and sex- and kink-positive spaces online in my late teens, but abstinence-only sex ed still dominates schools, which for many people are the last place they have enough contact with the same people over a long enough period of time to form any meaningful connections.

Or were, before COVID happened, anyway.

Idk it's late and I need to get to bed but I'm just. Keeping this in mind as we talk about the resurgence of purity culture among youth. Doubtless it's not the only factor, but it's likely a big one that I hadn't considered before

#im thirsty and i need to go to bed but. damn #that whole video is- like all philosophytube videos- absolutely mind-rattling #never watched a ptube video that wasnt deeply thought-provoking #it really helped me understand people- groups and individuals- a lot better

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treypug · 1 year

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💊