#dafety
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a memior
When you are almost 23, it’s hard to explain to your boyfriend of 2 years that sometimes you shake because when you were 15, a senior held you down in his backseat and forced himself on you. That the reason you always reiterate how safe he made you feel is because you never felt that way before. The, so called, man you dated before him would put your life on the line for $100 for weed at least once a week.
Rewind.
It started at 14. I thought I knew love. I thought love was the way he chose me to be his first time. I thought it was a teddy bear and chocolates on Valentine’s Day after being belittled for weeks on end. But things would get better, and apologies temporarily healed emotional wounds.
I really thought I knew love. But love isn’t forcing your best friend to blow him and then posting about it on Twitter.
Next.
When a senior tells you you’re pretty when you’re a 15-year-old sophomore, you’ll do anything to believe its love.
But that love isn’t love. Love isn’t getting you so drunk you blackout and throw up out a window and then recording as his best friend takes advantage of you.
And then, when you finally break free, he invites you over to just talk before he leaves for college and say bye (as friends), you go along with it. Because you don’t want him to spread lies about you again if you don’t comply. And when that 19-year-old picks you up at 16 and forces himself on you until you only stop crying because your body is too pre-occupied with convulsing, that sure as hell is not love.
But what’s worst. What’s worst is when you come home, stomach, neck, wrists, thighs and ankles bruised to no one. To absent parents. To a dad who is too busy having an affair with someone not far off from your own age. To a mom who is trying her best to pick up the pieces of a broken family while breaking glass ceilings.
So, you say talk to a friend. But what friends are left when they all believe the rumors from the man who just dehumanized you in his car in a church parking lot. What friends are there when you were kept away from them for so long by the same man that they want nothing to do with you anymore because you’ve been MIA.
So, you’re alone.
You’re alone so you turn to doing the only thing that feels right. Being used. You market yourself not as damaged goods, but as not caring at all. Do what you want with me. Use me. Nothing will hurt as much as that night in the church parking lot. I thought God was supposed to protect you at church.
Being used gets you back out there. You’re invited to parties by another guy who thinks you’ll blow him in the bathroom that night. And if you drink enough or smoke a blunt, who knows maybe you will. If it keeps you around. If it makes you feel something. Why not?
But here’s the thing
This is all before the end of my sophomore year of high school.
There was this one guy. I shouldn’t say was. He still exists, but I’m probably a distant memory now. He made me feel heard. He listened. I’d sneak into his bedroom at night. Not have sex. To talk. I’m not sure he ever really understood what my life had been like in the past 2 years, but he knew I needed someone. I liked him a lot. We’d text ‘til 3am, and he’d make sure I was okay when I seemed off in school.
I thought things would be different with him.
‘til the day he told me he was dating someone. Someone that wasn’t me. I remember asking him if what was between us was all in my head.
His friends told him I was too big of a whore to be seen with.
So, I disappeared.
I don’t think many people could tell you what I was up to during my junior & senior years of high school. It wasn’t much of anything. I had a few friends, only 2 who still acknowledge my existence 4 years later. We’d smoke weed in a car, and drink wine in a basement. I truly don’t know that any of them understood that I was not okay. They thought I was the chill, carefree girl. I was a shell of an 18-year-old.
On a different note.
My cheating father came clean about the same time after his mistress asked me for money or threatened to tell my mom about the affair. My mom already knew.
That same day I ran away for the first time. I got in a car accident.
Less than 6 months later we found out my dad was sick. They told us we’d be lucky if he weren’t in a wheelchair in the next 10 years. I have 4 years left until we find out if they were right or not.
My senior year.
I met a boy from another town. It was a breath of fresh air. Truthfully, he was just as broken as me. Things were never steady, but he was around for a while. A distraction at the least.
I escaped.
Moving to college where I knew less than 5 names was everything I needed.
Freshman year I was roofied and woke up in a house naked with my clothes & phone missing. I found my phone and called an uber home wearing nothing but random clothing of his that I found in the living room. I told no one. I came home at 6 am before my roommates knew anything. That day I showered 3 times. I threw up all week. The bruises reminded me of the church parking lot.
I met someone.
Another breath of fresh air, of hope. He was my freshman year formal date. Things were looking up. Until someone in my sorority brought the guy who roofied me to formal and I threw up so hard in the bathroom that I broke blood vessels. My date still fucked me that night and for hours after I cried in the twin-sized bed beside him while he slept.
Nothing ever came of us. He’d Snapchat me sometimes and invite me to frat parties, nothing special.
The most special thing about us was the nights I’d spend climbing in his bedroom window and smoking weed at 2 am once a week for the majority of my sophomore year of college.
Attention felt good.
Of course, when I felt the most stable I had in months, my sophomore year, the pandemic hit.
Circles had to be kept small, so who better to spend time with than your drug dealer. He was a local. No big shot. It was entertainment when the world around us sucked everything out of us.
There are a lot of memories of that time that I choose to forget.
Lots of first times at 20 for someone who was a “whore” at 16.
The first time he slapped me for not listening.
The first time he forced himself into me while I was asleep.
The first time he took me on a drug deal and locked me in a car with a man with a gun.
The first time he choked me so hard I blacked out.
I tried to leave him multiple times, but the threats kept me coming back. Looking back, I barely remember what they were. But at the time, I was so scared I’d do anything to keep him happy.
Of course, my parents noticed none of this. Or if they did it wasn’t concerning enough to say anything. To protect their own daughter.
I spent most of 2020 drunk or high. Was about the only two things I enjoyed feeling. Make that 3 feelings. Drunk, high, or numb.
Junior year of college.
It started drunk, high or numb. That August was when I became bulimic. If I was going to be a mess, I might as well be skinny. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months. I was a shell of a human. Somedays I still am (just a fat shell now).
I spent my nights climbing in the same window and kissing strangers in bars. Who would have thought that a stranger in a bar would be the one to save me.
He saved me.
That first night I went home with him, I expected to be used & discarded. But that was far from the case. He cared, he was gentle. Over 2 years later & here I am writing this because I don’t know how to explain the past to him.
The first time I said I love you to him I broke down & cried so hard. Did the alcohol in my system have something to do with it. Yes. But what it really was was that every other person I had ever loved had hurt me. Most people it takes months to fall in love. This was a month in. Did I just hand over so much control to this man who could hurt me in a second.
I sat and cried in the dirt outside a party & refused to get up after I said “I love you”. He was so confused. I expected to be left there. Instead, he helped me up, and took me back to his place. I shook so hard on his couch with no tears left to cry while he heated up a warm shower and grabbed me anything I may need. He didn’t know anything about what was going on that night, but what he did know was that I wasn’t okay. He held me all night long.
Since then, he’s been nothing but a supportive best friend. I love him so much for that.
What really sucks
The nights when one little thing triggers a memory, a name pops up, or I think too long and a part of my life I tried so hard to forget comes back.
How do you explain to the one you love & who saved you that the reason you’re shaking is because you know that you made the tiniest mistake earlier and as much as you love and trust him you think about how easily in the past someone you thought you loved would change in a heartbeat and hurt you.
Maybe giving this to him to read would help. Maybe it would hurt. Keeping secrets is never good. But truthfully, I wrote this for myself. Because as much as I know this only a fraction of the story, I’ve never said all of this out loud. I haven’t quite said it yet but writing it is a step in the right direction.
#writing#words#depression#abuse#trauma#rape#love#feelings#dafety#lonely#alone#broken#short story#spilled poetry#memior#journal
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Ms frizzle.
Ms frizzle?
Ms frizzle???
#she even has a scary animal creature companion!#the magic school bus#ms frizzle#iris wildthyme#doctor who#missy#the master#spoooky#trying to think of who else is ms frizzle#i consider clara because shes insane#but idk#i would argue missy despite being Evil is ms frizzle bc you know what ms frizzle does in the magic schoolbus??#LETS CHILDREN TAKE OFF THEIR SPACE HELMETS ON PLUTO#AND TURN INTO PLANTS#MS FRIZZLE DOES NOT CARE FOR THE DAFETY OF HER STUDENTS GUYS#river song
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bonk
#was incredibly tempted to just send a picture of my crucifixtion from my jesus show but internet dafety#anyway imagine i have sent you a that photo in reply#asks#nayrs thoughts 13
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#if i get one more rejection from my dafety schools im gonna loose my mind#2 down one more to go#wth#i know grad schools are very partiucular about who they pcik a#nt it doesn't necessarily mean im bad a what im doing#doesn't help though#it only gets me more worried
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More Pokemon x Arcana Twilight because at least one person (me) wants it: (some ideas may contradict the first post)
-I see the region revolving around caves and fossils, since Jirachi's "egg" probably gets mistaken as an ordinary stone for a long time. Only being discovered by scientists in the progress of the game.
-The water starter pokemon would have a whale design, because Bound Arlyns flying whale is iconic, and that would be its final evolution.
-The fire starter would be a snake that has a ice-type end evolution. And the grass type would have a dark type end evolution. Only because I decided this.
-The reason MC gets a starter pokemon is because of following scenario: Pollux accidentally stepped on a Bergmite, which then proceeded to chase him. Vega came to his aid, but more Bergmite came. Since MC was nearby, he asked them to just take a ball from his bag and help out. He wanted to ask for the pokemon back, but saw that the pokemon felt comfortable with MC. (If the game would have a call function, he would routinely ask about how the starter is doing if you call him.)
-Alpheratz's grandfather is a professor. If given the chance, he will tell every trainer about how his favorite little boy grew up to be a gym leader and that they should give him his greetings. (And that Alpheratz should come to visit again soon).
-Sirius is the moral compass of the game, who questions the morality of battling and the goals of villains, but also questions why you wear a baseball cap instead of a dafety helmet. Also encourages you to try and ride your bike inside of caves.
-Arcturus grew up at the pokemon daycare and works there. He will spoil any pokemon handed in. Whether they are from MC or even pokemon from the antagonists. He knows of Jirachi from the tales he read growing up. He starts his journey relatively late, and only because he wants to stop Team Creation from abusing Jirachi. He has no intention of being a travelling trainer.
-Pollux keeps getting the worst pokemon. His starter keeps getting kidnapped. He bought an expensive egg from a "breeder" who promised it would hatch as Eevee. It was a Murkrow egg.
-The second town MC gets to already has the gyms of Alpheratz and Spica. Spica's gym is extravagant and complex, with a few paths to avoid the trainers helping him out. Alpheratz prefers it directly. With two trainers you have to battle before him. Both of them give MC fossils after beating them.
-Depending on the version, the trainer will encounter Spica (in Pokemon Wish) or Alpheratz (in Pokemon Destiny) throughout the game, and battle the antagonists by his side. Arcturus is the one exposing most information about Jirachi.
-Vega, please stop healing MC's pokemon whenever you meet. They have four hundred potions in their bag, let them use them.
-The elite 4 are made of the clan heads. Riegel, against his own design choices, has a fanclub watching him. He spends hours after battling giving out signatures.
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DAFETY PINS ACQUIRED!!
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TMA 169 revealing the evil of landlords and the British governments' lack of enforcement of building dafety regulations
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omg you planned this from the beginning emphasizing how much armin was nuts over traffic dafety omg
>_> I can’t claim to be that good, but the characters might have had that in mind.
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So proud of MY race winner
#he deserved this#and as we know races can never finish under a dafety car so I’m glad this one didnt either just like abu dhabi :))#fiabull i hate you#ferrari#charlie#monza 2022
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This generational divide of how to approach "internet safety" stems from one thing, I think. Older people tend to think of "the internet" as seperate from "irl"—a place you can visit and, more importantly, leave if you wanted to. But for the people who grew up in a world where this highly convenient internet highway has always existed? The internet IS real life. There is no way to extricate themselves from it that wouldn't involve economically, emotionally, and even mentally crippling themselves. And so, if institutions and corporations are going to hold their identities, livelihoods, and general information hostage anyway, might as well make a ready list for all the non-AI accounts they're gonna interact with online, right?
This isn't just with the youths, ofc. People in general have gotten so comfortable and careless with giving personal and private information online—to strangers, to corporations. When social media incentivizes us to post regularly that even what we eat becomes "content", this becomes less of an issue of "protecting our information from malicious actors" and more of a question of why do we even need to have a public nsfw alt, have an easily accessible list of triggers, or lay ourselves bare for strangers when anonymity is clearly an available and well-established option. What about modern life and the public (cyber)spaces we traverse make those kinds of things seem like the logical and sometimes even necessary thing to do?
Don't get me wrong—we should definitely teach kids to be cautious and give them tools to protect themselves (use a VPN, don't dox yourself, don't click on sus links), but that kind of savvy is hardly present in older people either. Grandma can give her credit card info to a phishing link just as easily. For a majority of people, this is a new space they're navigating, and we often have the blind leading the blind especially here on the tmblerberoots. So best we can do is not make this a generational thing and just teach these kids what we as worldwide web vets had to learn the hard way with all the viruses we downloaded via Limewire and the trauma we have associated with blue waffles.
Internet Safety
#Teaching kids internet dafety is very important#And i am of the camp that kids aren't being taught that enough nowadadays#But having a public list of triggers is something that can be helpful navigating certain spaces#Ofc what those spaces are need to be specified#Definitely dont do it where people can bully the heck out of you anonymously#But in a school forum or discord server?#Go ahead
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I’m so drunk and want to make some friends send me your biggest dilemma atm and I’ll give you my best drunk advice
#im so tired#and im so drink#girls and boys cane on at the bar we were at and iwas tbr. est moment of my lifee. #i love damon albarn so mych#i want him to marry me#and graham cozon#im so fucked its not even funnt#im worried for my dafety#damon albarn#blur#graham coxon#alex james#dave rowntree#90s#britpop
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MC's mom: I think we should invest in a house alarm for our dafety
MC's dad: We have MC already
Teenage MC: IF YOU EVER ENTER MY ROOM AGAIN I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR HANDS OFF
Teenage Darkness: God, I just wanted to borrow a pen
Teenage MC: KEEP YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF MY PENS
Teenage Darkness: Mom, can we trade MC for a dog?
MC's dad: Dog won't protect this house like them, they are staying
Teenage MC: =)
Teenage Darkness: They are smiling at me, help
Omg, this is perfect 😂🙏
#duskwood incorrect quotes anon#duskwood#everbyte studio#duskwood game#duskwood everbyte#everbyte duskwood#duskwood mc#duskwood darkness#duskwood imagine#everbyte game#hbj dw answers
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OSHA here we stock our vending machines with silica gel. A quick snack that goes down easy!
Some would say The digestive tract irritation is a bonus, like the tingling you get from eating tinfoil with braces.
if you ever drink too much water you can just eat a box of raisins and the raisins will absorb it and turn into grapes. but now you have a problem of too many grapes in your body. so you have to eat silica gel to dehydrate the graoes again
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#wanna punch a fucking wall lmao#so my manager just offered to put me back on full time which is good but the catch#is that i have to be a hanger#which means i go from my current physical position as a recycler on a team of all guys whom ive formed camaraderie with#to standing in one place surrounded by women who either hate me or manipulate me into being their dafety net or sleeping with them#(or they try)#and like this will make my dysphoria worse and ill be miserable and stressed but#but i need a full time job#hence why i wanna punch a fucking wall lmao cause i know what i need to do but godfuckiNGDAMN
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Take a trip around Capri island by boat! A travel in complete comfort and safety.
Web Site: https://goo.gl/nInyVK
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Top 5 Localities to buy 2bhk flat in Jodhpur?
Jodhpur a place which is surrounded by various peoples from various castes and you can find various properties in Jodhpur. Dafety comes first at Jodhpur, where they continuously strive to care for their patrons. These exemplary projects have introduced a new way to think and a new way to embrace the future and a new way of living. The majority of research should be conducted online before visiting the website to conclude the process of purchasing the many businesses involved.
Jodhpur: Why Invest Here?
The reason is that you will be more likely to consider buying properties that you wouldn't have considered other wise, like- plots, commercial spaces, apartments, ready to move in flats in Jodhpur - especially if you ruled out cities or localities beforehand.
Here are the top 5 localities to buy 2bhk flat in Jodhpur:-
Ashapurna Tower, Paota B road, Jodhpur.
Ashapurna Nano Avenue, Near Vidyashram School Shikargarh, Jodhpur.
Ashapurna Golden Valley, Near New High Court Jhalamand Jodhpur.
Ashapurna Platinum, Pal-By Pass Road, Jodhpur.
Ashapurna Basera, Pal Sangariya Link Road, Jodhpur.
#top5#localities#to buy#propertyinjodhpur#realestate#property#ashapurna#ashapurnabuildconltd#ashapurnanri#jodhpur#rajasthan
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